#if i write embarrassing notes on them then whatever thats on me

[sinsydia]

2024 goal: *post more art*

........*dumps a shit ton of sketches*

#sketches #drawing studies #if i write embarrassing notes on them then whatever thats on me #goal is posting once a week as a start for the record #my art #sinsydia #my ocs #goal is post once a week as a start for the record #wish me luuuuck

[kindagayfish]

Hello friend!

Im new to the trigun family after watching Stampede and recently ive been on a Knives kick and i dont see much content about him x reader.

So i was wondering if we could get some headcanons about what would make Knives feel “those gross human feelings” (love, the need to protect,need for affection) for the reader, and how he would tell them or show them?

I just need some knives fluff! Boy needs and hug! If you dont wanna write that, thats totally fine!! Thank you!!

A/N: Knives is SUCH an interesting character and im literally so feral for him. This is very much stream-of-conscious writing and not proofread. It also turned out so much longer than I expected! I legit got so carried away so I hope you enjoy it!!

Also I feel like my thoughts/headcanons for Knives will always be constantly evolving because he's just such a complex character??? And I love it???

Contains: Hints of nsfw thoughts if you squint??, fluff I guess??, can knives even do fluff???, the slowest of slowburns for this man

So we know Knives does know what love feels like…sorta. He loves Vash, and wants to see a future where they can both live their lives without the fear of being used for what they are. However, that means killing every human left on the planet. So it’s a twisted kind of love…but he still cares in his own way.

I don’t think Knives would notice you right away. It won’t be some love-at-first-sight, omg this human was so nice to me thing. It will take A LOT of time. He has completely blocked himself off from anyone because of fear, and fear is an intense driving force.

Perhaps you’re involved in his grand scheme somehow; A scientist in a lab who has taken a special interest in the Plants. At first, you’re focused on finding a more sustainable way for them to be used…but then after witnessing one open itself up, showing a high level of intelligence, you change your studies to find a way for them to live beyond the confines of the glass tanks.

You’re aware of Knives. Aware that he’s what they call an Independent. And you take notes on him, studying any file that isn’t restricted from the ships that once roamed the universe.

Knives becomes aware of you rather quickly. It's hard to ignore the way your eyes follow his every move, jotting down your observations quickly into a notebook that never seems to leave your hands. At first he finds it irritating, having this human stalk him like a shadow. However, it was only when you caught him on a particularly bad day that he finally spoke to you.

"Get OUT." His voice was ice, sending a sharp tendral into your notebook, tearing it from your hands. You let out a pained yelp, though none of the blades touched had you, and ran out of the room.

After he's calmed down, curiosity gets the better of him, and Knives spends the rest of the evening reading through your notes.

The next day it's him that seeks you out. Knives finds you in a lab, placing your in-tact notebook on the table in front of you before stating that some of your observations were incorrect, which causes you to flush with embarrassment. He leaves immediately after, and upon inspecting your notebook, you find that he had crossed out some of your own notes, replacing it with the "correct" information.

Knives begins to tolerate your company. You're not as insufferable as the other humans, and he finds himself quite intrigued by how brave you've gotten around him ever since that day. But he continues to keep himself at a distance….for now.

So anyways as your "relationship" with Knives progresses:

Knives shows his love through acts of service and quality time. He allows you into his space; allows himself to lower his guard and try to understand these strange feelings he gets when around you. Although, again, this takes time.

He'll start to show interest in whatever experiments you're running, quietly observing from a respectable distance. It might even start to feel like you’re the one being studied from how intense his silent stare is (he is 100% memorizing everything about you).

The more time spent with you, the more possessive he becomes of this time...and just you in general.

Knives knows that you have to talk to others in order to do your job, but that doesn't mean he won't glare at them until they walk away. He prides himself on how his presence alone can clear a room so it can just be the two of you.

If you forget to eat, time getting away from you, Knives might sigh and fetch you something. Setting it down directly in front of you and making comments under his breath about how "humans are pathetic" and how you "can't even take care of yourself". You're like a pet, he tells himself...rationalizing why he would go out of his way to make sure you stay healthy.

Physical touch comes much later

Sometimes you'll feel him lean in from behind, gazing over your shoulder to gain a better view of what you're working on. Heat radiates off of his body, but he never brings himself to touch you. Knives finds it amusing at how flustered you get when he does this and likes to test your boundaries as well as his own. He’ll catch himself too often wondering how soft your skin would feel under his fingertips. It’s a disgusting thought, really. (he is so touch starved but will NOT allow himself to indulge in this innocent fantasy because he’s stubborn and has the biggest god complex)

But it eventually happens one evening when you hand him your notebook. All of his senses are ignited, the place where your fingers brushed against his hand burns throughout the night. Knives can't bring himself to admit he likes this feeling, at least not out loud.

Oh but does he crave it.

It's a thrill, an adrenaline rush, and strangely even more fulfilling than the feeling he gets when he takes a human life.

Starts as "accidental". Fingers colliding when reaching for the same thing, the back of his hand brushing against yours as you both walk, standing too close to you so that when you take a step back, you bump into his chest.

Soon he's grabbing your wrist to stop you from doing something stupid, placing a hand on the small of your back to guide you out of a room, even taking your hand in his, frowning at the fresh injury on your skin, but also burning up inside at the fact that his own hand swallows yours completely. That you're just so fragile. So human.

Knives is absolutely obsessed.

#millions knives x reader #knives millions #millions knives #millions knives headcanons #trigun stampede #trigun x reader #millions knives x you

[winterwhisperz-blog]

Hey ☽ ! I loved reading your recent ask posts and wanted to know if you could write something with a MC (gn or male whatever makes you more comfortable) filling their sketchbook with drawings of Ais or Kuras (or both if you're inspired enough) and them reacting to it, please ?👉🏽👈🏽 Cute bonus if they draw small details only an attentive observer would notice hehe 👀

Thanks have great day ! >:)

EEEEEEE! Yes!! This is such a cute idea so tysm for the ask !! Also tysm im so happy you liked the other headcanons, and I hope you have a great day too !! <3

ALR

LES GET STARTED

Ais And Kuras Reacting to an Mc’s Sketches of them

Warnings: None 😙 —though Ais does get a lil flirty in his

Notes: Gn Mc, fluff, maybe OOC but imma try my best— also not proof-read

Ais

ALR ALR ALR SO

This one is kinda inspired by that one scene in across the spiderverse- because I’m also kinda obsessed with that movie—

Things have come up, things that have been taking you from Ais for longer than comfortable. You miss his laugh, smile, the way his eyes roam over yours and how he speaks and just generally -exists-

So one night, when you need comfort, you get out your sketchbook and pencil, and just start drawing. You don’t mean to draw him at first, but suddenly the lines start to sharpen into his features, his smile looking back at you through the paper

Suddenly your filling up pages of pages of just random Ais sketches. Him petting Princess, him lounging about his cave, you even chuckle to yourself when you draw the first time you ever saw him. (You casually name that one: The Bastard—lmao)

When you finally meet Ais again, and have gone back to your usual routine of hanging out—he’s settled nearby, a few smaller soulless nestled into his lap.

It’s definitely something you don’t want to forget—and thankfully, you’ve got your sketchbook with you.

As your sketching, you’re trying to be sneaky, keeping your glances to a minimum. But your eyes tend to linger, capturing the strands of black hair that shifts to white, the sharp red eyes, the -tired- red sharp eyes.

No one really notices the tiredness in them, but you do. Along with every thought and voice that parades endlessly behind their ruby curtains.

They’re kind, but haunted—exhausted.

But they always still light up when seeing you.

“Hmm, looks nice.”

You jump at the sound of his voice, his breath tickling your ear.

You instantly snap the book shut, but it’s too late. Ais is already smirking. His hands up in mock surrender as you shoot him a nasty, embarrassed glare.

“Easy, sparrow. Wasn’t going to judge.”

Your shoulders slowly relax, and since he’s being nice—nice enough—you eventually do decide to show him. A warmth of pride blooming in your chest at his expressions, both amazed, impressed, oddly enough— a bit shy.

Once he’s finished, he sets himself in front of you, relaxing his shoulders, tilting his chin in a cheeky grin. As he holds it—you finally realize he’s posing.

“looked like you enjoyed drawing me.” He explains once you raise a brow. You scoff, but it -is- a lovely pose. Would be a shame if it were wasted.

As you sketch, he lets out a breath. “You’re good at expressions,”

“Yours are easy to read.”

That earns a bit of a chuckle, before he raises a brow. An idea sparking in his gaze. Uh oh.

“Mm, yeah? Well—“ he shifts, eyes sliding up and down your figure before they latch unto your face. Taking in every last detail with some kind of burning. Like coals set aflame. His gaze makes you feel like glass, a thin white sheet that he looks straight through. Revealing things underneath. “—tell me what this one means.”

With that, heat goes to your cheeks, and a thin line of pencil scratches the paper as you toss it at his now, laughing face.

“Damn bastard.”

AAAAAAAAAAA

OKAY THAT WAS PROBABLY CRINGEY BUT THATS OKAY

NOW UNTO KURAS 😇

Kuras

OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY SO SO SO SO SO

You two are on your daily stroll, the evening painting golds and bubblegum pinks across the usually dreary sky.

Birds, dusty grey and white flock toward him, some even landing on his head before he politely shoos them off. A smile lifting his lips as you snicker.

“They must mistake you for a tree.” You tease, earning a small chuckle.

Eventually, you near the area you always walk to—a small, old wooden bench that looks over the wastelands. Doesn’t make for the best scenery, but it’s that or the bustling city.

As you sit, you pull your art supplies from your bag, Kuras opening a book beside you.

ALSO HES WEARING HIS GLASSES AAAA

You start sketching the sky, a breeze tossing strands of your hair into your face and making the task rather difficult.

As you huff, Kuras glances your way, a smile playing at his lips as he gently tucks your hair behind your ear—fingers just barely brushing your jaw as he pulls away.

You can’t help but stare, a bit flustered at the gesture. And as he returns to his book, you watch as the golden light gleams over his features, turning his eyes into two, small suns.

A few birds have returned as well, perching either nearby, or on his shoulders.

An opportunity, an art piece you cannot miss.

You quickly ditch the sky drawing and start sketching Kuras instead. His towering form, the golden teardrop underneath his eye, the waves of his dark hair—and the way he holds himself, so regally, refined—but still somehow, with a small playful air that would go unnoticed by many.

But not unnoticed by you.

The sky darkens as you finish, and you hear Kuras close his book, slowly standing. A soft palm reaches your shoulder before freezing.

You look up to see Kuras, eyes wide with wonder as he slides his glasses back onto his nose. Taking a closer look.

Feeling both excited and a bit nervous, you clear your throat from probably an hour of not speaking. “Do you like it?”

He reaches for your sketchbook, “May I?”

When you nod, he gently takes it from your hands, looking over the picture like it were some complicated medical drawings.

You don’t have time to stop him as he then searches through the rest of the sketches, the wonder brightening up his expression—you can’t help but feel amused—it’s almost like he’s a child seeing snow for the first time. “You drew all of these?” He asks, hesitantly giving you the book back.

You nod, standing beside him.

“It’s…I’ve never seen anyone draw the world like you do.” He glances away before regaining himself. “Could you teach me?”

EEEEEEEE

yes Kuras I will teach you <33

ALR

I rlly hope you enjoyed that !! Sorry if they were OOC, I’ve been kinda scattered recently. But these were sO MUCH FUN

Tysm again for the ask 😭

And I hope you have an amazing day, find your favorite color in nature, smell your favorite flower, and enjoy the sunset !!

#touchstarved ais #touchstarved headcanons #touchstarved kuras #touchstarved game #thanks for the ask! #answered asks #touchstarved x reader #virtual novel

[heartfullofleeches]

Reader finding Gemini/Gemi's fanfiction

You're helping the demonic scientists clean up their workshop when you trip over a figurine left out in the open; cardboard box tumbling from hand as you fall to the ground. Its contents scattered across the floor; dozens upon dozens of folders with loosely stapled pages about. You pick up the first in front of you; going to pick up another when its title catches your attention.

"TOP SECRET: Seriously do not open this folder or I will kill you and/or cry in either order."

Curiosity peaked, you peel back the folder, reading the first page to yourself out loud.

"Demon Lord X Jimmy. Friends to Lovers, Role Swap." You then go on to read at least four chapters worth of writing about a demon lord taking in a stray human and falling madly in love with them. The human kills off majority of the other love interests, so that limits their choices greatly. The demon also dress up in a maid outfit in one chapter for whatever reason, and shares your name. The human is also surprising very good at poetry.

Before you can turn to the next page, Gemini bursts into the room carrying a first aid kit.

"Y/n! Are you alright? Someone informed me that there was a crash and...."

Gemini's already pale skin goes ghost white at the sight of the booklet in your hand. "W-what do you have there, my dear?"

"I accident knocked over one of the boxes and found these notes. Is there a problem?"

They break into a nervous fit of laughter. "Haha... right... Please put that down."

"But I was just about to get to the part where Jimmy was going to propose at the bakery."

"Please dear tha- Wait, did you say Jimmy? Thats not my character's name.. That must be one of Gemi's.."

As soon as the words leave their mouth, Gemini's head spins around: Gemi's eyes opens and burning with white hot rage. This rage is actually nothing short of unimaginable embarrassment, but to you they look like a blushing bull that was just poked with a hot metal rod.

"Put. That. Down. Now."

You drop the folder, Gemi snatching it up along with as many others as they could carry. That angry beast inside them suddenly becomes timid as they glance at you with a side eye.

"So, you actually read all of those pages?"

"Pretty much."

"Even the chapter one about the garden?"

"Yea."

Their flush worsens.

"Tell anyone about this, and I'll make sure no one ever sees you again."

"That's what Jimmy said when the devil finds the collection of love confessions they wrote under their bed."

#Gemini my oc #yandere oc #yandere #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere headcanons #yandere insert #yandere x you #yandere blurb #yandere x reader #Yandere demon #yandere teratophilia #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #yandere drabble #Crackpost #yandere writing

[roseblog-rog]

Hello Rose Blog Enjoyers!!

(My old pinned post got murked so heres a new one lol)

About Me

My name is Rose (she/her), I’m transfem, poly, and on the aroace spectrum, I’m physically disabled (chronic pain, cane user), I’m autistic, I’m a singer/songwriter who also plays drums and piano, I love photography, I read and annotate books for fun (NERD), I occasionally write (and when I do it’s smut now), and I enjoy biking sometimes. There’s more but thats the main stuff.

ALSO I LOVE MY PARTNERS @flowers-but-gay AND @ambiguousmuffinboi AND @wowzoerz-blog HI HI HIIIIIIIIIII I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH GGRRRAAAHH

BIGOTS DNI.

Instead of cringing or whatever at my blog maybe go outside and allow some whimsy to enter your cold and empty heart. Any sort of bigotry will not be tolerated here. Period.

MINORS DNI.

This blog is nsft. Very nfst. Love you guys but yyyyeah if you’re a minor and you follow me I’m unfortunately gonna block you.

The Juicy Stuff

Ah yes, the juicy stuff.

I am a sub-leaning switch (though I find domming about as fun as subbing, live laugh dominatrix).

Dm’s and asks are open to all, though I ask that you do not start either with sexual advances or comments on me. Flirts are fine, but don’t go too crazy, m’kay? The best way to go about sending asks or dm’s is being silly and just talking to me. Let me get to know you first!

On that note I also do NOT do hookups.

My primary kinks include musk, oral, degradation/praise, getting marked up or marking someone up, teratophilia (especially tentacles), piss, feet, blood, puppyplay, size difference, embarrassment/shaming, exhibition, ownership (both sides), and some others that I’m exploring or that are too hard to mention (though you’ll see them occasionally with tw’s).

Other Stuff

I have a sideblog where I talk about book stuff sometimes if you’re interested @roseisabooknerd-rooknerd

My smut will be under the tag #(ro)s(e)mut

My favorite hornyposts will be under #i-am-actually-the-most-normal-ever

I’m also a furry (avian to be precise). I WANT WINGS SO BAAAAAAAD!!! I WANNA BE BIRD!!!!!

and uhhhm yeah! enjoy my absolutely “scary but entrancing” blog!

#pinned post #intro post

[meowzfordayz]

bff

Author’s Note: 10/10 would be 11/10 happy w/ these bffs. 😭💞

bff

Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tokito Muichiro x Reader

Word Count: ~1,500

CW: explicit language, platonic

Emergency Request Fulfilled: can i request platonic fluffy hcs for muichiro and/or genya— separate ofc, with a fem/gn (thats really up to you) childhood friend!hashira reader whos very loving? (not a hashira if genya!)

for example always holding on in someway, giving hugs, cuddles, kisses (on the hair/scalp or hands only), giving alot of attention, and friendly overall.

how they interact, feel, maybe even defend them if someone makes a comment abt them for ‘leading him on’ bcs they dont love him romantically *totally didnt happen to me once* i mean.. its like 1920 its bound to happen, react to dating assumptions, ect.

~faqs, image~

Bff!Kyojuro who, to be quite frank, doesn’t exactly make you laugh directly, but constantly makes you laugh indirectly, because how could you not laugh at how hard he makes himself laugh ??

Bff!Kyojuro who’s only slightly embarrassing to go out for meals with (his moaning exclamations of delight and contentment as he eats are, uhh, fairly loud), but you’re never truly embarrassed — really, you just wish you had his level of obliviousness confidence

Bff!Kyojuro who grins brightly whenever the server assumes you’re on a date “Which date do you think we’re on?”; who grins even brighter when the server’s eyes widen as he promptly announces “Beyond five hundred!” (of course, the server doesn’t have any way of knowing that those ~dates were entirely platonic and span a decade+); who tips the server generously if they mention proposing or marriage

Bff!Kyojuro who takes your scolding Stop fooling everyone into believing we’re a couple! with a grain of salt, because you do the exact same thing (it’s a miracle that your friends continue to fall for your We’re finally, actually, literally official! prank)

Bff!Kyojuro who raids your pantry with zero shame; cooks a second portion—for you—of whatever he’s craving; randomly stocks your fridge from time to time (he has a key to your apartment — it’s a regular occurrence for you to return home to new groceries and a sticky note “Reimbursement for our recent movie night!”)

Bff!Kyojuro who comes over with his old clothes because you get first priority/pickings before they’re donated

Bff!Kyojuro who pouts when you refuse to cuddle with him You’re too fricking sweaty

Bff!Kyojuro who retaliates by sitting on you

Bff!Kyojuro who writes you the sweetest birthday letters; you have a box with 10+ letters for all the years you’ve known him; it’s your tradition to read them in order (oldest to newest) every night after the celebration dies down and everyone (besides Kyojuro) heads home; he starts cleaning while you sit and read; it’s also tradition that by the final (newest) letter, you’re sobbing (happily) into his chest

Cleaning can wait

Bff!Kyojuro who believes in you, supports you, would move to another country for you — he has his own ambitions and dreams, sure, and they’re as adaptable and flexible as his adoration for you

Bff!Kyojuro who knows he can show up at your apartment at ass o’ clock, cheeks tear stained, heart ruptured, because you’re there for him too

You told him once that You’re my non romantic soulmate, and feeling your palms cup his face—your gaze tired, concerned, angry for him—he knows, “You’re my non romantic soulmate too.”

Bff!Sanemi who’s kinda your frenemy ?? except more friend than enemy (albeit, it took years to achieve that ratio)

Bff!Sanemi who excels at the little things

Bff!Sanemi who picks you up from the airport, the bar, really anywhere if you give him enough time to get there

Bff!Sanemi who knows your allergies, health conditions, fears — double checks whenever you dine out, carries extras of generic medication on him, keeps an eye on you ~just in case

Bff!Sanemi who remembers the things you want but I don’t need it though; has a literal list of items to buy/make for special occasions (i.e. birthdays, holidays) as well as ~just because (i.e. he misses you, you’re annoying him); ensures the list never runs out, “But you deserve it.”

Bff!Sanemi who’s very competitive and very mean about it — Monopoly, Go Fish, War, Scrabble, and puzzles are in the DO NOT PLAY WITH SHINAZUGAWA SANEMI category

Bff!Sanemi who has almost destroyed your friendship over Monopoly’s houses and hotels rules, cheating when shuffling cards, bullshit words in Scrabble, and overall raging (puzzles in particular)

Bff!Sanemi who doodles Sharpie tattoos on your forearms whenever you fall asleep before him, bUT TO BE FAIR — they’re always lowkey beautiful

Bff!Sanemi who’d be honored to draw the art for your first tattoo (if you so desired a tattoo), and would be just as honored if you drew the art for his first tattoo

Bff!Sanemi who’s adamantly against matching tattoos, but he’s got nothing to worry about considering your styles differ… significantly… (aka, for the sake of these hcs, his doodles of eyes actually look like eyes, whereas yours look like… scary)

Bff!Sanemi who kisses your bruises and scrapes (acquired from careless tripping, stubbing, falling) first “Are you okay?!”, and then laughs and points at you second “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Bff!Sanemi who: if you’re good at cooking — buys you ingredients and ~forces you to cook; if you’re bad at cooking — delegates setting the table, choosing the playlist, washing the dishes to you (while he cooks instead)

Bff!Sanemi who dances with you in the kitchen, which could be cute except that he takes it very seriously

Bff!Sanemi who grumbles when you accidentally step on his foot, insults your skill, “You’d be knocked out first round from any dance competition.”, rolls his eyes when you mutter It’s not that deep, and inevitably turns stepping on feet into a merciless battle that he unfortunately and usually wins

Bff!Sanemi who reluctantly massages your feet afterwards (winner’s remorse)

You told him once that You’re a menace. My menace, and as he stares at your playful fierce glare, he’s inclined to agree

Bff!Muichiro who cuts the tops off your strawberries; unshells your sunflower seeds (a true act of selflessness); shares his fries I’m fine! “I insist.” But Mui- “Less staring, more eating.”; lets you sip his frappes before he does

Bff!Muichiro who grabs your hand as you cross the street together, squeezing protectively, eyebrows furrowed with endearing focus considering, well, yanno We’re just crossing the street!

Bff!Muichiro who holds open doors for you; jams his foot in closing elevators for you; waits in lines for you

Bff!Muichiro who listens to you ramble for hours—tucked into your favorite corner of his couch—while playing mindlessly with your hair, David Attenborough narrating about whales or something in the background

Bff!Muichiro who kisses the top of your head after playing with your hair; hands migrating to your shoulders; searching for and gently kneading at any knots

Bff!Muichiro who learns your favorite braids, and either creates masterpieces with your hair and/or allows you to “Go wild.” with his (depending on who has better/ideal hair for braiding)

Bff!Muichiro who keeps extra hair ties on his wrist; for himself in case you spontaneously decide he needs a make over; for yourself (when applicable) in case you break/forget/lose yours

Bff!Muichiro who surprises you with picnics in meadows of wildflowers (the long drives are 100% worth it) because wildflowers = flower crowns = the best accessories

Bff!Muichiro whose entire Instagram is basically photos of you, himself, and you with him, featuring your plethora of creations

Bff!Muichiro who tags you as Hair Stylist: @--- or Model: @--- because, “Credit where credit is due.”

Bff!Muichiro who replies with vague 😁 and ☺️ and random heart emojis to You guys are too cute! and Dayum you really outdid yourselves and Where is this? It’s sooo prettyyy comments on aforementioned posts

Bff!Muichiro who never discloses locations because he cherishes the privacy and intimacy of his time spent with you

Bff!Muichiro who rarely allows you to move (when you’re cozied up on his couch), tugging sternly at your earlobe, “Hungry?” as you inch toward the kitchen, “You’re my guest. Stay put! I’ll go.”

Bff!Muichiro who has your coffee/tea/preferred beverage order memorized, and if you don’t have a usual, then he still knows your moods and somehow always picks the perfect drink to satisfy you

Bff!Muichiro who can’t promise to not watch the next episode(s) of your favorite show(s) without you, but is happy to rewatch them to your heart’s content

Bff!Muichiro who scoffs when mutual acquaintances—sometimes even mutual friends—poke and pry at his friendship with you, because he knows where he stands with you, and that’s what matters most

Bff!Muichiro whose tone turns icy, impatient, rude when pushed too far, “Leading me on? I choose to be their friend, and they choose to be mine. We know how we feel, and that’s enough.”

Bff!Muichiro who could write entire essays in your defense, but finds that cutting to the chase is generally more effective

Bff!Muichiro who refuses to stop nudging you with his elbows, tickling you to get his way, offering you piggybacks when you’re lazy/sleepy, because, “I don’t care about rumors. I care about you. If you’re happy with our friendship as it is, and I’m certainly happy with it, then what’s there to change?”

Bff!Muichiro who hugs you for as long as you want—for as long as you need—regardless of whose around

You told him once that Your hugs could cure practically anything, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t live up to your standards

#hashira x reader #preferences #modern au #platonic #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #rengoku kyojuro #kyojuro x reader #shinazugawa sanemi #sanemi x reader #tokito muichiro #muichiro x reader

[actuallyitsstar]

oh my god tumblr is not a functional website and it ate my next two drafted asks so prepare to get tagged in textposts but @brambleberrycottage sent The Mentalist and/or Person of Interest for the fandom ask game:

✨ send me a fandom and i'll answer with the following!

for person of interest:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

↣ very tough choice but i am gonna have to go with shaw for this one. my second choice probably would be reese tho- but i have to go by what ao3 tags i filter the most 😭

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

↣ BEAR THE DOG.....OBVIOUSLY....... akjdhdjfhf but for real it is probably finch. finch rly is So Shaped to me. i do not want anything bad to happen to him Ever. Protect At All Costs

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

↣ FUSCO. FUSCO IS SUCH AN UNDERRATED FAVE. theres like 10 fics out there about my man fusco and ive reread all of them 100 times aldjfkfhjfgjgj this man just shows up to work every day and tries his best and he gets dragged into some of the craziest world-altering conspiracies known to man and for what ??? he just wants to come home to his son every day. but he cares about people and his friends and the world his son grows up IN, and thats why he sticks by the others no matter what he gets put thru. also he is just very funny and relatable at times akdhdjfhf

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

↣ harper!!! very much obscure but she has a cute lil arc that feels Meaningful and has such a fun energy and she has such an ~ outcome ~ (i will not spoil in case anyone who has not seen this show is thinking of seeing it) and tbh i want to learn everything about her

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

↣ elias. he is very problematic. very controversial. horrible villain crimelord etc etc. but isnt it interesting how this show plays with morality? how much nuance there is? how you slowly learn that finch is right- that there are no heroes or villains, just people doing the best they can??? elias is a terrible person that you would never want to meet in real life but hes MY terrible person you would never want to meet in real life.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

↣ this is reese hands down. sorry not sorry to the traumatized man but i do kind of enjoy you getting more traumatized

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

↣ i guess john greer ???? im not sorry, forget everything i said about nuance hes a villain akdhfdjkfhfj he is the worst im joking but if i have to pick anyone its him

for the mentalist:

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

↣ its jane. of course its jane. what we have learned about me is i am always stanning traumatized over confident (often middle aged middle aged) men in problematic career paths with emotional issues 😭 its embarrassing how consistent i rly am tbh lmao. but HES SO INTERESTING. HES SO TRAGIC. HES SO MULTIFACETED. i could probably write 600 dissertations about him

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

↣ lisbon is my girl i love her so much i will not take any notes on this she is MY five foot nothing cop with anger management issues and i WOULD die for her. shes probably my height irl but she is !!!! small. i love her

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

↣ cho is so underrated !!!!! he is there from start to finish and he gets his own arcs and his own story and he's level-headed and in charge but he's not emotionless and he's not perfect, he's very good at what he does but he makes mistakes too and he's mature enough to own up to them. his realism and commitment is bracing and reliable and brings such a steady element to the show. couldnt do it without him!!

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

↣ she's really not even on screen for more than like 0.1 seconds of flashback but !!! ANGELA JANE. i know we don't get to know much in the way of cannonical characterization but i have read a lot of fics about her. i think the most influential has to be boy wonder, which is a wonderful how-angela-and-young-patrick-met fic unfortunately trapped on the horrible formatting of fanfiction dot net, but every time i think of angela i think of this fic and it very deeply informed my love for her character.

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

↣ probably laroche. deeply weird man but he just wanted to go home to his little figurines and his fluffy dog. what more could he ask for. very creepy vibe but he did his job well and he came around in the end. i would love to know what sort of life made this man happen. i think about the iconic theater episode with him every day.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

↣ aaaaa once again its jane im so sorry sir i just find your trauma entertaining !!!!!

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

↣ probably bertram because i just think he was way scarier than the sherriff sorry sljfkfjfjg

#star unasks #brambleberrycottage #so sorry i literally drafted my reply and tumblr said oopsie doopsie idk where that is !!!! and it disappeared lol #i love this website and how well it Works #the mentalist #person of interest #star.txt

[ikarisenpai]

Pathfinder, Octane, reacting to a gender neutral reader who copys peoples personalities or something, but they're this shy reader, and does this to them cuz they like them or something maybe?

If you don't wanna write this, its fine! Just ignore it. Just wanted something fluffy and thats just sweet or a little funny,

I am soooo sorry this took so long! I was plotting for so long that I sorta got side tracked and ended up writing some other things, but finally got to this! I hope you enjoy this because I had such a fun time write it! Again I'm so sorry it took me so long! Enjoy! ~~~

“Good morning, friend, how are you?” Pathfinder said as he had walked down the hall past y/n’s room. Octane peaking in as he blushed, feeling embarrassed for what could only be spying, but was trying to figure out what y/n was doing as they were making a lot of noise inside their room. Octane waving Pathfinder to be a little quiet as he pointed and saw that y/n was standing in front of the mirror. Their h/l h/c hair framing their face quite nicely and their e/c colored eyes just staring at the mirror as if they were really focusing on whatever they were doing. 

“Think they’re okay?” Octane asked as he saw y/n talking. He couldn’t really hear what they were saying but the way they were jumping around and laughing it sounded like they were having a good time. 

“I would believe so! They look like they are having fun! Shall we go join them?” Pathfinder asked as Octane shook his head no, “No, I don’t want to spook them. They always go quiet whenever I’m around them and seeing that their pretty vocal while alone is nice. I just wish they would talk to me more when we're not in the games or this whole friendship is going to be a bust.” Octane said as Pathfinder frowned a little. The two of them watching from the doorway as y/n spoke for the first time since jumping around and this time it made Octane blush a little.

"I like the wind in my hair, bugs in my teeth, and long walks off a high cliff." y/n mimicked Octane as they ran a hand through their hair, a finger against their teeth, and pretended to fall from a cliff as they landed on their bed with a laugh. Their laugh sorta musical as Octane noted that they did a pretty good job at pretending to be him.

“Surprise! ..I hope I didn't scare you." y/n said a few seconds later as they moved from the bed back to the mirror. Their smile pretty large by this point as someone had a lot of energy in them.

“Wow, that was amazing. They’re doing a good job at pretending to be us.” Pathfinder said as Octane nodded, “I wonder how long they’ll do this until they realize they’re not alone.” Octane asked as they both turned back and looked over at y/n once more. They were aiming their arm up into the air as if they had a grappling hook and then pulled a trigger pretending to swing from it and spoke in what both boys thought could be Pathfinder’s voice.

"Get ready! I'm coming for you, friend." 

“Think they like us or something?” Octane asked as he glanced at Pathfinder, “Or maybe they want to be like us?” 

Pathfinder shrugged his shoulders. The two of them watching y/n more as Lifeline came out of her room and noticed the two of them spying on poor little y/n.

“What are you two up too?” Lifeline asked as Octane waved her to be quiet like he did to Pathfinder not too long ago.

“We're watching, keep it down, Che.” Octane said as Lifeline peaked in feeling horrible for entering y/n’s personal space without saying something. y/n was once again bouncing around the room, dancing in front of the mirror like she was all by herself and what looked to be a pen that was laying on y/n’s dresser got pressed against their chest as if they were stimming theirselves.

"Mira, did you see that?! Please, tell me if somebody saw that." y/n said in what sounded like a really bad hispanic accent. They started once again bouncing around and this time when they turned they saw all three of them standing in the doorway and on que their eyes grew three times the normal size, “H-how long-g have you-u all been watching?” they stuttered as they dropped the pen and covered their face too hopefully to hide from their embarrassment. 

“No-t-t that long! Just heard some noise and wanted to make sure you were okay!” Octane spoke first as he didn’t know if talking was really a good idea or if he should just head out and pretend this little thing never happened.

“What did you all hear?” y/n asked as their face was beat red. They really didn’t want to hear what their answer was but was curious nonetheless.

“Majority of it. You did such a good job pretending to be me.” Pathfinder said as he showed a heart on the screen that was laying against his chest. He even did a thumbs up as he was super proud.

“And you, Che, how much did you hear?” 

“Not a whole lot. I was coming out of my room when I saw these two peeking in, are you okay?” Lifeline asked as she wanted to make sure y/n wasn’t hurt or scared that the two were practically spying on her.

“Yeah-h I guess? I dunno?” y/n said as they didn’t know what to think about the whole thing. Sure they left their door open, but their room was so hot. They wanted to leave the door open so the cool hair from the hall could seep in.

“Do you need me to kick their ass?” Lifeline asked in a joking tone.

y/n shook their head, “No, its okay. I’ll just make sure I keep a mental note the next time the door is open to check so often so people aren’t peeking in. Did you at least enjoy the show?” y/n asked as Octane was still beet red.

“You were incredible!” Octane smiled as he spoke some more, “You should mimic me more often!” 

Lifeline smacked the back of his head as she shook it side to side. y/n began to laugh as both Octane and Pathfinder smiled, “Well, now that we're all better and everyone has said their sorry, shall we all go get lunch?” Lifeline asked as Octane’s stomach growled.

“Yeah! Lunch sounds perfect!” y/n smiled as Octane started jumping around the small group.

“I’ll race you to LZ!” 

“Not if I beat you first!” y/n said as Octane and y/n ran off. Pathfinder and Lifeline behind them as they all headed out to lunch. The group just laughing away as this was the perfect way to end this encounter.

#apex #octaneapex #octane silva #octane x reader #pathfinder #pathfinderapex #pathfinder x reader #octane x shy!reader #pathfinder x shy!reader #x reader #apex x reader

[batboyblog]

Things I like about Tumblr, 2022

first off, Tumblr isn't perfect, it's full of people, and people in general and on-line can be pretty crap, but in a rare move for me I'm looking at the good.

you are not expected to post under your own name/face. In fact people would think you were pretty freaking weird if you did. To the Best of my knowledge only one person posts under their own name with their face as a profile pic, Hi Neil Gaiman! If we keep this up Tumblr will not become a semi-work space like twitter

No one knows your follower count (and honestly you shouldn't know it either) The level of brain rot I see on twitter around having a big follower count is so embarrassing, "help me get to X million!" is so very cringe, much like blue checks its a meaningless thing and we're all better off not knowing who's "popular" there are popular posts not people.

I have a very popular post about the long term nature of Tumblr so I won't go too much into it other than to say that it's nice that we can have long term jokes and memes on here, because we're able to reblog things from the past without any shame and judgement and so a culture and in jokes and yearly (or weekly) events happen here in a way I don't see on more "now! now! now!" social media.

You can do whatever, linking to #1 because we're not a semi-professional webpage where people are selling their "brand" etc there's little to no pressure (outside of yourself) to stay on topic or theme, you can and should reblog that gif set of a funny show from 10 years ago, that moody art shot of a field before a storm, and that short video of puppies falling over, wild out.

You decide if people see your likes. How many times did people get busted for having porn in their Twitter likes, where here no one can judge you, again we're not a work space so if you like that picture of a man in jock strap, go for it reblog that shit, but if you're shy don't worry you can enjoy what you enjoy without having to share with the class.

We hate crypto, we hate NFT, we always have we always will and thats very sexy of us

you can (still) say what you like. The need to make platforms safe for advisors and influencers has lead to "unalive" and other ways to try to get around using bad words. On Tumblr I can say that Elon Musk sucks a whole bucket of monkey shit and I hope he's pushed down the stairs at Twitter HQ.

Tags my beloved, tags are funny, lovely cool little notes, a way to add a joke, say something heart felt etc without worrying "is this needed?" and guess what if the answer was "yes it was" someone will screen shot them and add them to the post for you, win win.

Long form thought, I know this is a semi-jokey list but like no joking I think having all our politicians, journalists and "thought leaders" spending all day on and mainly communicating through a webpage with a very small character limit was/is very bad for our society. Tumblr (as you can see) you can write an essay (I don't think those people should come here, but I never run out of characters)

there's nowhere better for formatting gifs or picture sets, I honestly can't imagine trying to post a series of gifs or pictures on Insta or Twitter and having them all folded up rather than laid out in order all visible at once (and not cropped down, well most of the time)

There's no algorithm, everyone says it but it needs to be on the list, there's no real hand holding pushing you to this or that, there's nothing boosting or hiding your post, you pick what you like and follow it, and then those blogs do something weird and different and thats chill and you keep on.

we're the gay trans sex website, pretty much no where else on-line can you find this much dumb, non sequitur queer humor or as supportive of the trans experience, yes there are TERFs but they are more fringe here than basically any where else.

we just don't matter, back to #1 we are not a place where you can market yourself or your brand or whatever, as such things are just not that serious, this is a social media website made for fun, to enjoy TV, books, and movies mainly but really whatever you do enjoy.

negative I'd like to address before I go, the on-going porn ban, I'm not in favor of porn itself on here, I don't think we need gif sets of studio porn or whatever. But once Tumblr was a safe space for a lot of queer performers to spread their self made work. It also was a safe space for Queer art, both photographic and drawn, to express sensuality and sexuality. And a safe space for Queer artists to draw art of characters totally fucking the shit out of each other. It was a place where enjoyment of the human form and sexuality could be mixed with all the other parts of life as normal. There were for sure problems, however in an ever more censored and sex negative world I think a freed Tumblr is more needed than ever, so I hope we figure that out soon.

#Tumblr #twitter #social media #meta #thoughts

[mysicklove]

this is like super random but do you have any advice for starting a thirst / x reader blog like yours? i've always wanted to give it a shot but it seems like SUPER intimidating because i have no idea how to set things up or even start

hmmm idk if im a good person to give advice but lol whatever i will!!

for the basics, i would recommened starting with a masterlist and rules, and you can build on other navigation stuff after that. a pinned post usually draws ppl in, bc its easy to navigate your blog!! and then just find a theme. i did a toga in the beginning and now a hanako theme, bc they are one of my fav characters, but u know there are tonnnnsssssss of themes and u can do whatever u want to! have fun with it 🥳

^ let me know if u need help figuring out how to link things, add colored/special fonts, banners, dividers, ect. i had to figure out through trial and error and that sucked LOL

in the beginning, dont expect to get many notes. if you go into it thinking about notes, you are going to get dissapointed lowkey. just relax, its not that deep, and eventually ppl will find your account with time. dont rush it!! but like i said, dont prioritize notes. i still am struggling with it, and so r other writers. it doesnt define ur writing at all. i had a one sentence post get like 3k notes, and then a 14k fic get like 400. literally notes dont mean shit, tumblr is weird.

also another thing. dont expect to get anons. or at least alot of them. in the beginning i had like no anons and i was lowkey kinda sad about it. but im telling u, as ur blog gets bigger u will get some. its nice to have anons in the beginning, but kinda unlikely. if smaller blogs r seeing this with tons of anons, good for you!! just idk didnt happen to me lol.

moral of those 2 paragraphs: i just dont want u to ever feel bad about notes and interactions. u may see other blogs get tons, but they have been established for alot longer than u. so do not stress about it plssssss. ive seen too many blogs make themselves feel bad because of notes and anons. and including myself, i would get unreasonably sad over something so fucking stupid.

big one: write for urself, not for others !!!!!!! once kinktober is over im bout to write an ungodly amount of hybrid and a/b/o shit, which alot of ppl dont like, but fuck it LOL.

last tip (ig?) walk into ur blog like its ur own space. dont be intimidated. i shit post and say embarrassing ass shit all the time to almost 2.5k people. its ur space, say what u want. i think thats really important. if u do make the blog, have FUN WITH IT !!! dont care what others think, make it ur safe space.

and be my mutual!! i will reblog ur stuff!!

#💌 - love letters #secret admirer #this may be bad advice lol whatever

[calmingpi]

Some more hall of tuesday stuff~

Specifically, some thought processes and concepts. Yes, I know its Wednesday, but I got too tired + didn't feel well last night to type all this out

I'm noting the design process of this one, because while writing a Tarvek thing the other day it occurred to me that I have a habit of getting attached to characters that follow some philosophies that have become attached to lolita fashion- the dislike of ones true personality, using consumerism and extravagant tastes to fill a metaphorical hole, hiding negative traits beneath literal layers of cute clothing, presenting a personality thats within specific ideals of elegance and refinement, the concept of feminine androgyny, etc

Tuesday the first

Anyway, this outfit was inspired by Baby The Stars Shine Bright

Streamer Tarvek

I can't even possibly explain why i drew this to begin with, partly because i dont actually remember. But i love this au SO much. I wrote a whole bunch of these that i never ended up finishing. Heres a couple of them

Tarveks streams are not gamer related; its more of a commentary stream but really he talks about whatever he wants. Often hes prompted by questions from the viewers, that causes him to go on extreme tangents about whatever. History, politics, pop culture, math, literally whatever. It's also not a popular stream in the grand scheme of things. He doesnt market or promote this thing at all, but he has a small and very dedicated fanbase of very strange people. In general tarvek likes having an audience and not having to act really put together and refined. Instead he can infodump to strangers and not worry about impressing people too much. And he can wear cat ears and feel only a little bit silly instead of a lot

Girl Watching With Colette

Tarvek is married to agatha and gil in this, which i believe ive mentioned, and i think ive also mentioned that he pretends the stream doesnt exist to them. They dont bother him about it, but they do watch it and regularly comment. I think hes just embarrassed about having a goofy internet outlet, and they just really love watching him excitedly talk about his interests

This was another one from the original prompt list, called "girl watching with Colette." They're sitting at a little teahouse, i think. There's a sequel prompt called "Gil watching with Colette," where Tarvek is holding a large pair of binoculars and absolutely SEETHING with anger while Colette is laughing. Otherwise exactly the same setting

Unforgiven

Before this blog, one of my first Tarvek drawings is a picture of him dressed as Nayeon from Twice. I also remember a picture I did of Lars in a Love Dive inspired outfit being complimented a lot on here, lol.

Anyway, this one was inspired by the concept photos for Unforgiven by Llesserafim. I think concept photos are a really cool form of art in general. Art direction. Needs more recognition, really!

This one was based off the "fallen angel" style of photos they did, but they also have this weird "office cowboy" style of photos? From the same album? I have no idea what that was about, but it's really funny to me. There's a horse loose in the office space. He's using the copier. I didn't know he knew how to do that. Anyway, maybe I should do an office cowboy Tarvek, too. Ive drawn him as a cowboy before, and it was really fun

I Still Feel Alive

This is actually my favorite tuesday, which is funny cause it was just coloring practice, really. But my favorite bit is really all the just. Amount of stuff i shoved in there. We're on castle wulfenbach, hes been stabbed and poisoned (dw about it), hes drinking the vaccine gil made from his notes, weve got his favorite clank girls (which by the way i unfortunately love that we have tinka without a head and anevka without a body), his weasels of course, agathas portrait (because whos office is this, really?), we've got the portal to the eldritch monster dimension out the window there, and an apple tree!

I drew Tarvek with a lot of apple themes for a while, as a reference to his condescending snake description. Its kind of funny 2 me to think of agatha and gil as adam and eve (dont ask which is which. I dont think it particularly matters, tbh), and tarvek as the evil snake, because i think its exactly how hed see himself really. Whether hes actually an evil snake or not. Token evil teammate, awful seductress, yadda yadda yadda. Really, aggie and gil arent innocent either, which makes it funnier 2 me

Godqueen

I really love the idea of tarvek as a godqueen (or godking, i just think godqueen suits him better) because he was originally supposed to be killed off in sturmhalten. He could always still be killed off, which would be very disappointing because i think we would have wasted a lot of time then. Or he could live and things would be as expected. Or we could go the funnier route and make him literally immortal. That would be hilarious to me!

Also, im pretty sure gils going to be storm king. And with agatha as the heterodyne + probably a godqueen, and gil as storm king and the only one whos graduated college, i believe tarvek should be allowed a little immortality. Or maybe financial compensation. As a treat. Make it harder for bang to bully him

Looks wise, godqueen tarvek is based on what he keeps shoving agatha in (sidenote: that is NOT anevkas dress. Can you even imagine her in that? That is his dress. I dont think he wore it, but its definitely tarveks). When it comes to dresses i always put tarvek in something really flowy and needlessly gaudy. But suits and pants should be a tighter fit. A lot of the design inspo is wizard of oz based, particularly ozma. In a lot of illustrations she wears these very loose fitting gowns, and often very simple crowns and a few specifically placed flowers

His crown is also little storm clouds. If gil was a godking hed have little lightning bolts, but i think gil shouldnt be a godking. He can already lift tanks. But if he was, hed have little lightning bolts. Theyd match!

Tuesday Anniversary

First of all, i love painting. Like i love it SO much. Ok, cool

I wanted Agatha in the picture right off the bat, but originally I was going to draw them dancing at Albias ball. I drew this, discovered i drew them facing the wrong way, scrapped it, and then crab anons drink got spilled on them, so it was not meant to be. Also, frankly, i think the impact would have been all wrong. I wanted a kind of "what tarvek wished had happened" kind of thing and instead i think it just keeps bringing back how gil and aggie danced together. And really i wanted something special for just agatha and tarvek, since i tend to do so much gil shipping with them. Its been a while where ive drawn them something of their own

So i kept thinking about tarvek and agatha ideals, from his perspective. I went back to his "when im an evil overload and agatha is my sexy dark mistress" idea, but decided to go for a more likely scenario. So this is sometime in the future, and hes happy being able to walk her down the hall for whatever it is theyre doing. Theyre in Castle of course (with the little wall hangings from the game! I love those), and shes let him dress her up in one of his flowy dresses. His outfits still really similar to the one from the ball, which is also really similar to the one from sturmhalten. I think its just a design choice he likes, so i kept that up. Agatha also has two rings, because this is a moment to themselves but theyll never stop loving gil, really

#hall of tuesday

[trashlie]

Hiii!

I read your post about i love yoo and i am so impresed by how smart you are that you see all of this details and all hidden symbols in this webtoon, like wow. Thats why i wanted to ask you what kind of books and movies do you like to watch? Do you have any books or authors that you think may helped you be so good at reading through characters mind and their body language so well? Sorry for any English mistakes im still learning :P

Nonny you are too kind, you flatter me, really! <3

Honestly - and this feels embarrassing to admit - I haven't really read books in a LONG time. I went from being a really voracious reader and writer to unchecked ADHD manifesting as depression really wrecking my interest in things and my focus/attention span. I'm slowly trying to get back into it! I finally got myself a library card so I can try digging back in! Part of how I got into webtoons at all is because it was much easier for me to plough my way through those, although funny enough, so many webtoons I read have NOTHING on the subtext present in I Love Yoo so.... lol. Sometimes you just need light reads, you know?

But really, I think a lot of how I read and view ILY came from the community itself. Webtoon.Theory set the bar and so many of the theories we as a community hold on to (The Chess Theory, what it means when characters' eyes are closed, the Yoshi theory/Rand was adopted into the Hirahara family) came from their own analyses and theories, and to be fair, I think a lot of how I now interpret ILY is based heavily in those formations. Would I ever have thought anything of what characters mean when their eyes are closed on my own? Frankly, I doubt it. I read a lot of theories! When I first got REALLY, REALLY deep into ILY, like on the this is on my mind 24/7 obsession level, I had a LOT of time on my hands. Thanks to a user on tumblr, I'd discovered the reddit and that there were deep theories about ILY! At that time I definitely had some thoughts of my own about Yui but I had only recently re-read it so I was till, yknow. Normal about it at the time.

But once I found the sub-reddit I dived in deep! I went through lots of old posts and read them and their comments, taking in theories and applying it to my own interpretations and held on to things I agreed with. I think once you have that kind of "base foundation" it's easy for you to start looking for things, too. I'm a particularly emotional reader, so I think I tune into emotions a LOT - often in lieu of other little details or notes. @youuuimeanmee writes a lot of analyses I wouldn't ordinarily think of myself - like I never considered applying Nol and Shinae's score in DDR to being a signal that he's always a step ahead of her, but when I read that I was like NO WAY THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!

Talking with the community is really what does it for me! A lot of the times when I get on here to throw together my big "thought dumps/reactions" whatever my posts about the new episodes are lol it's usually after I've been on reddit talking back and forth with people, sharing our ideas and merging them into something far more cohesive than my initial first reactions. I fill in the gaps of my own reactions - oh yeah this little detail I didn't pick up on, oh i interpreted that this way but I like your idea you might be on to something. Sometimes the sheer process of just talking about an episode for a few hours is like.... idk when you marinate meat - the process just brings things to the surface, helps you see things you missed or look at it a new way. And in that process, it means I'm reading and re-reading the episode multiple times. My initial first reaction NEVER has anything on my re-reads because now that you know what's coming you can focus on the other details, take in the expressions and the lighting and what is this body language meant to imply what does this expression look like?

But also - I mean it when I call it the ILY brainrot lmao like it is on my mind ALL the time! I'll be working and it's just there at the back of my mind, me mulling over things. (Lately I've been really fascinated by the way quimchee depicts really emotional moments for Nol by hiding his eyes. SO OFTEN when he is "breaking" we don't see his eyes, just his mouth, and something about that just really STRIKES me. How is it so much more emotional and impactful when we don't see his eyes?! idk but I'm obsessed with that detail lol)

Not to really sell myself out but lmao when I got REALLY deep into ILY and discovered all those theories and peoples' ideas and expectations I did like.... 2 more re-reads? lmaoooooo look I was holed up in bed after surgery with a LOT of time on my hands lol the first reread I did was me just keeping in mind the theories - especially the eyes closed theory - and paying attention to the details, to the body language, to all the things unsaid. You get this a LOT from Kousuke and Rand, I think! And taking these details in helped me reshape how I saw a lot of these characters! The second re-read I did was with emotional blinders - reading all these scenes with Nol and Shinae and with Kousuke and Shinae without any romantic implication and looking for what else it could glean about their characters and their dynamics. Something that confused me for some time was what the Kousuke and Nol face off early in ILY, when they all 3 went to dinner together and they were taking off their jackets meant. So many people wanted to apply a romantic lens to it but that never felt right, but at the time I just didn't understand what else it could be. But as we get to see more into Kousuke and we get glimpses at how deep his paranoia runs, the way he's been comparing himself to Nol - competing with him, to some extent - it starts to make more sense. Of course it never had anything to do with Shinae and instead everything to do with them and the bad blood between them, Kousuke always trying to undermine Nol at every opportunity and always frustrated when Nol defies expectations, etc etc.

I've lost track of how many times I've reread ILY but that's the other thing. Rereads, especially as you learn more in the present story, always help illuminate things! I remember doing a reread and picking up that there was something weird about how Alyssa reacted to Kousuke, showing more interest/concern in him, but once I was thinking about that, I noticed it was even weirder than I'd originally thought, with Yui bringing her up to Kousuke a couple times. As you pick up on things, going back you're able to see the foreshadowing, the foundation laid down, and I think it helps you going forward, because you're becoming more and more familiar with what signs look like, how they get hidden in plain sight, how they apply to what we know about the story so far.

So all that to say - it's not necessarily that the media I take in has prepared me nearly so much as engaging with the community and really consuming the thoughts and ideas of the community was my biggest help! But doing a LOT of re-reads and learning to read into the characters and what they say - or what they don't say - with what we know about them helps, too.

This one is harder to really describe, and I guess it's one of those things that over time you start to pick up as you better understand the characters and their motivations and fears? For instance, when it came to Yui and Kousuke, it had become very clear in that flashback of Kousuke's when he met Nol, that he had been manipulated a LOT in his life - that Yui was soooo deft with her manipulation that it didn't come across looking like what it was. There were still a lot of readers at the time defending her, insisting that she's done everything out of love for him and genuinely trying to do what she thought was best for him. It was hard to try to demonstrate that Yui talking badly about Rand and his affair in Kousuke's hearing range as absolutely a calculated move, that undermining Rand at every turn was calculated to strain the relationship but ALSO make him rely more on her and took advantage of Rand's frequent absence. Things like that! And now we can see plainly that it really was that all along. Even recently she has swapped out the gift Rand gave Kousuke to make him feel like Rand doesn't even try, has twisted words to imply Rand cares more about Nol that he had no time to wait around for Kousuke (despite yknow that whole conversation that had while Kousuke was out being her chasing him out but okay!) and of course, the tea. The drugging.

But yeah, in the end, I think the most important thing is to read other peoples' thoughts and theories - and I don't mean the webtoons comments sections because YIKES ON BIKES lmao - and try to apply it to how you see and interpret things and how could it alter things. Go back and reread scenes and try to examine in them in a different way. What could this scene mean if you remove an romantic expectation? What could this scene mean if you take Kousuke at face value? Actually Kousuke is such a good practice of this because lmao he's a pretty bluntly honest character, but he very OFTEN feels like he's trying to convince himself of things that on a subconscious level aren't so. That whole club arc is just full of it!

One last point I have is that a lot of ILY is written to subvert popular, but bad lol, tropes from other media but especially shoujo manga and boy did I read a lot of that, too. When you know the tropes and the cliches, it's easier to see when it's being subverted. For instance this current arc is bringing to life the "why does my kokoro go dokidoki" cliche of a female lead not being able to identify her romantic feelings for another character and instead just being naive. This is often used to draw out the realization and confessions and has a tendency to get REALLY frustrating because often there's no reason for the misunderstanding! A character will be doing some romantic gesture to her and she'll be like gee golly why do I feel this way? You can see it being subverted with Shinae because a. she has had NO time to process anything that's happened this entire night let alone the shift between her and Nol and b. she lacks not only romantic experience herself but EVEN IN HER LIFE. And knowing that this is a subversion, it leads us to assume that this won't be drawn out and made into some kind of tense mess, and that we can expect to see this resolve much sooner than we might think.

This was also especially true for Kousuke, who was framed very much like the first lead of a romance, where the cold, cruel, rich man secretly has a heart of gold - or discovers a heart of gold - when he comes to meet the plain but bright, unassuming normal girl who somehow gets under his skin. There was a lot of expectation that we'd see that - especially when Kousuke had that moment of kindness and placed his hand over Shinae's to provide her comfort. I think a lot of readers took this as a sign that yes, we are going to see more of Kousuke's soft underbelly - but it was incredibly subverted in that it turns out the asshole with a heart of gold is, in fact, an asshole and lacks the heart of gold, and we watch him crumble slowly over the course of the story, gradually revealing just how truly awful he can be.

Trope subversion of course relies on you having an understanding of popular tropes and cliches and things that get used a plot device rather than to actually improve the writing/characers/story and quimchee does it a LOT, and SOOOO well! This also tangentially leads to being able to pick up on plot devices like foiling and parallels. I feel like parallels are my catnip and I'm ALWAYS pouncing on them when they show up lol. This sounds like so much but again I think it's one of those things where you start to see it once you become aware of it, which once again ties back to digging into the community and sharing our ideas with each other!

I wish I could say that I had read lots of books that had made me better at reading into things but frankly, in school, I was not a super critical reader. I did well, sure, but I was no webtoon.theories breaking ground with theories that shaped the entire way we view the story on a whole lol. I've mostly become a more critical reader as I've gotten older and come to understand people a little better, had more life experiences that gave me better insight to things I may not have understood as well when I was 18 compared to now, haha! I truly mean it when I say I owe it all to the fandom on a whole. If I wasn't constantly interacting with the community and going back and forth with our interpretations and thoughts and ideas I would not have nearly as much insight to share with you guys! <3

(Also do not feel bad about your English, it's good!)

#ILY Brainrot #tagging this because it's tangentially related lol #at the end of the day i would not be able to articulate my thoughts and ideas if not for me obsessively reading through the ILY community #if not for all the theories and the conversations #especially the conversations!

[gayseyjones]

i heard from someone that making disabled characters with missing limbs without prosthetics, is wrong unless youre disabled. do you think thats true in your opinion? prefaced with like, the person who said it wasnt disabled themselfs, and i know you can do it in poor ways, but i mean in general, is it bad to not give them a prosthetic even if you attempt to be normal and respectable about it? i saw your post and wanted to ask, i felt embarrassed asking off anon. thank you very much

oh wow. that is. hm. and that isn't directed at you btw, I mean the person you're talking about. It makes sense an ablebodied person would come up with something like that.

I myself am not an amputee and while there's a very good chance one would disagree with me on this, I'm just gonna go ahead and say that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. like. ever.

plenty of amputees have plenty of reasons to not use prosthetics. maybe they can't afford them. maybe they prefer other mobility aids and assistive devices. maybe the prosthetic they require hasn't been invented yet, for whatever reason. maybe they normally use a prosthetic (or more than one), but had to stop because they're experiencing pain or difficulty with them. maybe they just don't wanna fuckin use one!

to say you should never make an amputee character that doesn't use prosthetics is, and I'm going to be bold here, objectively wrong. disability is diverse. generally speaking, every disabled person has their own way of managing their disability. our bodies adapt to health conditions in their own unique ways, and we ourselves adapt to them in turn. sure, one amputee might need prosthetics to function, but another might not! And it's important to recognize that. And it's even more important to reflect it in your writing and designing, if you really want to grasp a full spectrum of disability within your work.

so if you want to write about any amputee, do some research! read about people who use prosthetics, and people who don't! Compare and contrast! Take notes! Ask questions, if they're alright with it! figure out what you can write best, and what you want to represent with your characters.

I hope this helped!

#💖 #disability

[reaperkiller]

🎮🤡☂️🎲 + seb >:]

🎮 - What’s their favorite game?

he can play uno bc thats easy and it makes sense. that doesnt mean it's his favourite game though. he wouldnt have one bc video games?? he has never played one ever in his life and doesnt know whats going on at all ever. minecraft confuses him. and thats just blocks. this is his old man trait sorry. he WILL very intently watch other people play games, but he's also asking questions every 5 seconds

🤡 - What’s something dumb they’re embarrassed about?

on a sad note, the fact he couldnt read until he was 20, and then that he couldn't really write properly until he was in his 30s. on a more fun note [that makes me want to explode. You Know. You Understand] the fact that it only took two facking years of yearning for him and his boyfriend to get together. he is a bit dense <3

☂️ - How do they feel about rain?

he loves the rain, loves walking in it, loves sitting inside and watching it from under a blanket. he will go out for a walk in it at any time of day, unless it's acid rain then he is not going anywhere close to outside. i mean. part of him would still want to, because. well <3 sometimes he is a little bit depressed <3 dont worry about it. he wont. but he could.

ANYWAY. REGULAR NORMAL RAIN??? good for the soul. as he puts it. being in the rain alone is nice but holding someone's hand in the rain???? one billion times better.

🎲 - Pick a random question to answer from this list.

ANOTHER WILDCARD. OK. UUHHMM

🧸 - Do they have any stuffed animals? If so, are they decorative or do they sleep with them?

he has upwards of 20 at work alone, and while they are mostly for decoration, if anyone's feeling sad or just wants to sleep with something in their arms, they can take literally whatever one they want. he doesnt have many in his apartment bc it's not very big, and theyre all very special in one way or another, and he doesnt ruin them by sleeping with them so he uses a pillow, which is VERY flat now and doesnt have much stuffing left, but he doesnt care, it comforts him. until his bf comes along [Before They Are Together No Less. This Is A Very Important Detail], he holds him instead (: which is MUCH better than a stuffed animal

#oc seb #VERY NORMAL ABOUT HIM AS ALWAYS

[confinesofmy]

genuine question i'm not asking with hostility, if you don't care about fic comments or engaging with readers then why actually bother to post fics? like honestly congratulations of achieving a zen like state of no skin off your ass if people like or don't like your fic. but mostly i've understood it as yes, most writers do want some kind of response to their fics they can see as encouragement, or they wouldn't bother posting them. at least thats true of me. i have written lots of fic i've never posted publicly bc i don't feel the urge to share it or want to get a response from it. so i'm really curious about seeing that from the other side, really why do you even post fic if getting responses from readers is meaningless to you?

i guess i think it's a nice thing to do? which makes me sound very full of myself lol, like i'm god's gift to ao3, but that's not really how i mean it. i think my work is perfectly fine and i enjoy writing it but it's not that good. but a lot of my very favourite fics aren't really "that" good, either. a lot of them are now viewed by their authors as embarrassing or cringe or flawed or whatever but as a reader i'm really grateful that the author shared them. so i assume if that's how i feel about a lot of the fics i read then some people will probably feel that way about my fics too, so if i don't mind doing it i might as well publish the ones that are, like, cohesive and comprehensible.

i also enjoy the finality of posting a work. if it's only in my notes app then it's never really finished, i can go back and tweak it, maybe the ending should be changed, ooh what if there was another scene here, etc. but once it's published it's "done" and i "can't" edit it anymore.

also, sometimes your works can inspire other people to publish similar stuff which is very exciting. 👀

#this sounds soooo cocky but i already know people are going to like my stuff #it's inevitable #my introduction to reading fic was stuff written by other 12 year olds on ffnet and ficwad #a lot of it was ''not good'' or whatever but i loved it! i thought it was fantastic #so whatever you publish someone is gonna love it #just meet your own standards of quality and don't worry about your readers' standards bc you've already met them i promise #adam talks too much #god i hope i don't sound like an asshole lmao #ask #anon

[tookthe-405]

On our way

Chapter 1 :

We’ll keep falling on each other

DONATIONS & LINKS 🇵🇸

DAILY CLICK🍉

Loser!ellie x ex-bsf!reader

ROADTRIPPPP

authors note: first chapterrr🤪 ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO PLS

And pls tell me if the chapters should be shorter and what kind of perspective I should write from (Ellie pov will come later when I’ll fit), LONG AF

Summary: modern Jackson au!

you and Ellie were best friends through your childhood. Now your just neighbours who act like enemies towards each other, but after an incidence you both decide to run away together.

Joel lives 💯

warnings: anxiety , Panik attack?, alcohol, smoking, feeling of throwing up (only mentioned once) smut in future chapters!!, chaotic and stupid arguing between reader and Ellie, school anxiety, messy af (I mostly write at night when the demons come out🐺)

(ellie is 18 and reader is 17 (soon 18))

Readers pov:

6/25

You couldn’t remember the fall out.

For a matter of fact you couldn’t remember anything that happened that night.

You just knew that the next morning Ellie and you weren’t friends anymore. You guys weren’t anything, just total strangers who knew more about each other than any other.

“Iced Coffee and 4 chocolate donuts should be your order”

Your head snaps up and an older guy holds out a bag of donuts.

“Yes, thank you”

You quickly scurry out of the waiting crowd, out the dinner and into the summer air.

2:25 p.m. If Jody would finally pick you up, the both of you might only be 10 minutes late to the game.

While you're waiting, you take a donut out of the bag and realize as you're eating that you don't have a cold ice coffee in your other hand.

"Fuck”

you really wanted that coffee, and by any normal logic you should just go back.

But the fear of embarrassment won. so you decide to just wait outside without a coffee, feeling the dizziness of the lack of sleep in your brain.

The day before was the last exam and you couldn’t sleep the whole night, because of your anxious thoughts that are so unjustified that it’s actually embarrassing.

you watched the cars drive by, as you wait for Judy to pull over.

Today was the last school day. Ever. This morning was the last morning you would ever be in a high school class room to study.

After waiting for a while you hear the horn of Judy`s car or rather her parents car, since both of you are broke and only one of you has their license.

"i forgot my coffee" you complain as you collapse into the passager seat.

"yeah but you didn`t forgot the donuts and thats the really important thing here" Jody happily takes the box full of donuts, out of your hand

"footbal games always stress me out" you rummage through your bag, looking for gumm or just something that will help your body through this hard time.

"i hope my exams were good" you tell her anxious.

"It was our last fucking day, dont worry about something that is over soon. Those last days don`t really matter no one cares"

"I do"

Judy scoffs, puting the donute to her mouth again, all while looking at the street.

"I know, thats your problem. Really, you need to fix that. Your grades are amazing and whatever college you wanna go to, will say yes."

Now you scoff.

"right then why haven’t they replied yet then?"

"because you were too anxious too send your application, you almost threw up in my room"

Your face contorts at the memory. Judy's poor cat hissed at you the whole time because you couldn't sit still at all.

"yeah sorry he gets like that, but not all cats are this easy to annoy i swear"

Your giggle fills the car and you share the last donute, as judy tries to find a parking spot which is obviossly not that easy anymore.

"goddamit those wild people are so greedy" her hands grab the steerig wheel harder, but theres simply no other free spot anymore.

You grow even more annoyed now.

The thoughts in your head take more space than you usually allow them.

The whole morning was shit, the whole day is shit and your life is fucked if you don’t get into university.

"i think we need to use the other one" judy says

"then we`ll have to run through the whole fucking school, were already late, Malik is playing!"

Out of the corner of her eye, she looks at you, thinking, and finally sighs.

"get out I’ll park the car" You immediantly regret snapping at her.

"you dont have to-"

she interrupts you (no suprise)

"bro get out of my car. It’s my fault we`re too late anyway and we both know im only here for the fries"

For a few seconds you hesitate, but then you grab your bag and the donut, and get out the car. Outside, a warm brise tickles your skin, now that the sun is shining right on your face. You pinch you eyes.

Judy dissapers around the corner and you wave, hoping she saw it, but the worry leaves with her because you start running towards the football field.

The whole row was full, every seat. You try to push your way through the crowd on the front, which didn't make it any easier because everyone was pushing forward against the bar to see better.

And it was so loud, every type of noises from every angle. This is your last game of course everyone will be loud, Jesus you’ll be loud, but the game hasn’t even started.

Arriving in the almost last row, Lyla waves to you and you sprint towards her.

"I don't know how you manage to save us seats, thank you so much," You almost scream, because the large group sitting behind her started singing the fucking national anthem.

lyla quickly hugs you and sits right back down. "I don't know how either, but here you go. Where's Judy?"

Her gaze wanders behind you to look out for her, as if judy is hiding behind you "Looking for another parking spot and getting us some fries"

You feel the light box in your hand and remember the one donut inside it.

“Here we’ve left you a donut”

“How generous” lyla replies smirking

Your attention turns to the football field. No one’s there.

“Everyone is still in the cabins, you're not as late as you think" she adds while slurping her milshake.

Malik is Lylas brother and a good friend of yours. Even Judy likes him, and that's saying something.

After the "incident" you tried so hard to find another group of friends, that one day it actually happened.

Which wasnt easy, before ellie you didnt relly need other friends. You also didnt want other ones. You always thought she felt the same way.

Her company, her words, her feelings and thoughts were all you wanted.

"Holy shit im not late!"

Judy's loud voice pulls you out of your thoughts. She quickly sits down next to you and hands you the large french fries package. You grin at her and pass them on to lyla. The loud noises became quieter and quieter, which made you hear the microphone voice.

"Dear seniors and juniors, After weeks full of learning and exams, one last football game with our beloved team and a guest team of their choice should be enough for you. I don't understand why you wanted to have this when every one of you’ve seen so many other games, but as you want. That’s the last one really though, please."

Judy giggles at the voice of the principal, but with empathy rather than mockery.

"Poor Ms. Servopoulos, juniors and seniors are not easy. The Other Class's prank surpassed everything"

lylas eyes widened at the memory. "Which of the 20 One?" She asks, leaning a bit over my lap to hear judy better.

"The one where they all had their tables outside at the_" Judy's bright voice gets stuck in the air, and she looks past me with squinted eyes in dismay.

You know why and didn't want to turn around.

But you do it anyway.

She wore her typical short baggy shorts and a red oversize t shirt with a fucking beanie , which makes her look like the love child of Adam Sandler and Jesse Pinkman.

You’d be happy to laugh at her if she didn't look so fucking good. But you chuckle a bit in your head at the Beanie, because it’s fucking june.

She looks down at you , just standing there.

Ellie has always been a bit taller than you. You might be sitting right know, but you still know That hasn't changed yet. You don't have to get up to be sure. You would notice if she grew even 1 cm. You don't know if she would still recognize that about you.

The familiar, soft and light brown freckles on her face. As a tween you always wanted to connect them, to find out how it would turn out. Or how she would look. Or react. You wanted to make her laugh so bad it hurt.

"Seth told me to bring this too you"

The Ice Caffee, with your name on it, is suddenly right in front of your face.

"Why should I accept it? It's already warm anyway" The irritated pitch in your voice cannot be ignored

Elie's gaze remains neutral, but there was some caution in her expression. "He forced me when I was paying, just take it and throw it away."

"Why didn't you throw it away?"

"Because im at a point where I listen to that old man for my benefits. Seth hates me already. He didn't even tell me about the senior special last week" she protests

You roll your eyes in annoyance.

"i dont give a shit about you or the now hot coffee"

Your argument became more intense, Judy and lyla exchanged glances but stayed out of it. You want to sort out your shit yourself and they know that.

"just fucking throw it away ellie!"

"No, I'm sitting at the top and have to go down all the fucking stairs and-"

"I don't care Ellie"

The people around slowly became aware of the both of you screaming, and you wonder for a second how strange you both must look right now. How you line up like little kids. But ellie also hurt the child version of you. God she has hurt so fucking many versions of you.

"just be happy that I’m even bringing this too you, i didnt really had to do that"

Her hand holds the plastic cup so hard in front of your face that it looks like it's about to explode.

The fact that she thinks she has a right to be angry with you bothers you even more, as you try to hold back your tears. You try to imagine her as adam sandler, screaming at you in this fucked up voice from grown ups, to make the tears go away.

"right i didn’t ask you to do anything, you decided to be so stupid and come over here"

she chuckles sligtly at your words, really pissed now. "you bitch-"

The last words never came out of her mouth. But the coffee out the cup. On your shirt.

Frightened, you take a loud breath in and stand up. Ellie has already put a safe distance between the both of you and her own mouth is open with surprise and startle.

Behind her stands a paralyzed Joshua, with his hand on his mouth.

"I swear, he ran into me...," she babbles desperately to herslef, waving her hands in the air, the empty cup on the floor now. Looks like the rest of the liquor soaked your shoes.

Yo didn’t let her finish. You mumble to lyla and judy not to follow you and that you would call them later. You grabbed your bag and Then left.

And you cried the whole ride home with your mom next to you. And not because of the coffee.

The smoke comes out of your mouth, you take the ciggarette to you lips again, and breathe in deeply.

If you smoke in your room, you always have to lean almost completely out of the window, now with the shadows of the trees falling in your face.

The light, split by the limbs, danced to the movements of the branches. There was a small and almost sweet breeze in the air.

The sun is still shining, but the golden hour is almost here.

You get goose bums on your arm as a cold breeze comes, and you put out the cigarette on your ashtray.

As you lie down on your bed and just stare at the wall for a while, the dark smell of cigarettes is still in the air. your parents don't care as long as it doesn't get into the rest of the house.

You grab a book from your bedside table and start reading.

"And when you at last find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter- they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped darek inside yous so long"

You close the book with a jerk.

Yes, maybe no sylvia plath for today.

The buzzing of your phone makes your head move to the side.

Judy: Malik won

Judy: Tonights a party at the beach, everyones going

Your eyes stare back into the void of your ceiling.

Ellie has had so much influence over you and your feelings for so long, that has to stop at some point. And with all the anger in you, you think that today it will.

You get up and stand in front of your closet, you rummage around to find something and you do. A t shirt that belonged to ellie.

Your fingers brush over the dark green material. It was a fucking normal t shirt. Except that it wasn't.

"Today it will stops"

You put the t-shirt in your backpack and look for an outfit that was well suited for the beach. In the end, you wear short jeans shorts, where your grandma had sewn in flower patterns years ago, With a light blue shirt it goes nicely with the flowers.

you: can you pick me up?

Judy: I would love too :)

You quickly brush your teeth to get rid of the smell of smoke. Outside, you can already hear Judy's honking. You sprint down the stairs with your backpack and look for your beach shoes.

"Where are you going" Your mother is standing behind you with her arms crossed. In her old cardigan, she looked like she did a few years ago and you almost get a déjà vu.

"A party, Judys picking me up"

"how long are you gonna be there?"

"Mom im going to be 18 in what now 4 days you dont have to ask me that anymore"

she scoffs

"yes i do and guess what? i also want you to text me So i know youll be fine"

Nervously, you look out to see if Judy's car is still there, maybe she thinks you've changed your mind.

"Ok, Mom, I'll probably go to Judy's and be gone till midnight."

Suspiciously, she looks at you from head to toe, but (luckily) gives in.

"okay but please call me if something happens. Be smarter than your brother"

Your body flinches at the mention of him. "Has… he called lately?" you murmur

She looked at the floor and you thought for a moment she was going to cry. "No, but maybe if you call him, he'll answer"

You nod, but you know you won't do it.

He doesn't care about you either.

~

"I'm proud that you're coming along" Judy and you are walking, with beer in your arms, towards the beach where a few people have already gathered.

"I mean, that was a great show, a few people definitely noticed it"

You sigh at the unpleasant memory. "Then that's the way it is, I think a few other things are going to happen tonight, that are far more interesting than a girl with coffee on her T-shirt"

"I hope so" A mischievous smile on her face.

You look around to find lyla and malik, But because of all the people, it doesn’t really work. You were sure that there weren't that many seniors and juniors, but that a few friends of others came along. There was a big fire and even a barbecue.

After wandering around for a while, you find the two siblings. They had already made themselves comfortable on the big blanket and had taken some alcohol with them, but the bottles will probably spread over the whole beach anyway.

"Finally I see you, everything ok with you?" Malik mentions as he stands up, giving you a vigorouslyhug. "Really fucked up what happened"

You digress with a wave of your hand and sit down

"im fine, but you won, tell me abou it!" You try to make your voice as shrill as possible to make it clear that you don't want to talk about it.

“oh yeah we won, I made a touchdown, obviouly"

"almost didn’t catch it tho" throws lyla into the round and you giggle.

"Shut up, we only won our last game Ever, Because of me!”

Pride, but also the quiet pain of the loss of his team, can be noticed on his face andin his voice. The reality that you try so hard to run away from hits you again. high school is over, real life begins now.

“whatever, im getting something to drink and then im gonna tell sam to put on some music” Lyla ties you back into the moment. "I'm going with you , I need a drink of Voda-Coke"

~

Later that night Mr. Brightside was what got you on your feet and into the crowd.

Mesmerizingly, the fire flares higher and leaves just light trail of smoke behind. Malik and Judy are now singing along loudly with the others.

All these people who so clumsily sing the song about a heartbroken man, as if they would die if they don't do it, carry the same fate with them. They will all wake up tomorrow with a headache and worries about the next day. as it is one day closer to real life.

Some have broken families or parents, complicated friends, grief and draining fear of the future.

Knowing that it was like that but everyone was still singing along motivates you to do it too.

"Here more vodka has to work not taste good" Judy pours more vodak into your cup, but misses more than ends up in it.

Now you just laugh, because why did you thought so long about everything, this night was a good decision.

"I need to dance like I physically need to dance"

She grabs Malik's arm as he pours more beer next to her.

“let’s danceee!"

Lyla stands next to you, grinning and sober, and you both watch her.

"he likes her"

Lyla explains

"I know" you reply.

“That’s fucked up”

She looks a bit worried, as she watches the two of them dance and sing, with her arms crossed

"is that bad? or are you the "dont date my fucking brother" type of girl, please dont be by the way its always a bit-"

Your brain is mush, your tongue works on its own and Lyla obviously didn't like that

"no of course not, i don't care about him or who he dates"

The light from the fire reflected on her skin, she looked like a painting drawn at sunset and you wished you had your camera with you. It would be a shot of a very sad girl, with a lot of repressed feelings that she will never explain to a human soul.

But she didn't have to, because you understand.

You once looked at someone like that, from a distance where these looks were not visible to the person, where they were safe.

Comforting her was your first thought, dumb decision because a drunk person comforting a sober one never works out.

"I'm sure judy likes you back"

Alarm bells could be seen in her eyes.

"shut up you don't know that"

you laugh but it sounds unstable.

“No your right I don’t”

It looked like a lot of fun, everyone singing and drinking away their worries, you just wanted to join the dancing crowd when you see her. Again.

Fast an quickly, just ignore her, act like you didn’t see her.

But your eyes lock with hers and your stomach sinks.

In that moment you wish you could just admit that Ellie will always be a part of your mind. Wherever you are, with whomever, she will always appear In your mind and she will haunt you.

The worst thing is that it was also your fault, you allowed this relationship to be far too deep and perplexed even though you knew that it was becoming too emotional.

Ellie's presence on the other side of the fire, fills you with all those deeply buried feelings, as if she dug them up with her own hands. As if you told her where you buried them.

“I really don't understand you two"

with a snap you arrive back on planet earth.

"what?"

"the both of you. starring at each other, like you're about to run through fire to be just a bit closer. Makes me want to puke" lyla repeats.

Disbelief and vulnerability spreads through your chest and all those lights are too bright, the music is too loud and Ellie is too close.

"It's ok to forgive, we don't even know what happened so be honest, how bad was it?"

brushing all those feelings off, or at least trying to, you turn around and disappear into the darkness.

In a kind of trance you push your way through the many people, a few call after you, and you are sure that you have run into someone. You just didn't notice anything about it.

You stop in front of the many cars. You used to drive with your father to the local supermarket or other short distances, but you're not willing to steal a car.

Your head turns to the right then left, looking for something, anything that will take you away from here.

Cars, skateboards and bicycles.

Without thinking about it, you grab an unchained bike and get on it. The adrenaline in your veins works on its own and has far too much influence on your body.

It took some time to get stable on it, because the tears in your eyes made it difficult to see. Nobody seems to have noticed that you ran away and that you are riding a bike that doesn't belong to you.

The road was pitch black dark.

The warm summer wind wipes your tears away, the bright street lights of the city can be seen in the distance.

You step on the pedals and realize that you have arrived on the local road.

Out of breath, you press your fingers on the brake lever.

Desperately trying to get your lungs to return to normal, mind concentrate on the outline of your shadow that was visible on the floor, because of the street lanterns.

You get off the bike in silence, put it down next to you on the sidewalk and sit down.

The pumping of your veins feels like electricity.

You could still hear a few cars in the background.

You brush away strands of hair from your forehead.

“Fuck” you hear yourself whisper.

The tears were just about to come back when you hear a car turning.

She still drives Joel's old truck.

The vehicle stops in front of your feet and you notice that some of the light green paint has rusted off.

That wasn't the case the last time you saw that thing.

Ellie slams the car door loudly behind her, so she looks back to see if everything is still fine.

The feeling of shame just bubbles out of you and drips onto the floor, as she steps in front of you with even louder steps.

your head lifts up just a bit, to look at her. Her nose is a bit crooked and she's breathing just as fast as you were a few seconds ago, it looks a bit like she was running after you.

“What the fuck are you doing”

Ellie Williams will always come from the far corner of the world and remind you that you will never let go of her.

The effects of the alcohol still had an influence on your brain, so you stay calm.

“calming down"

For a few seconds it's eerily quiet, for a moment you thought Ellie had left again, but the squeaking of her sneakers prove the opposite. Her body settles down next to you.

"You look really stupid, sitting here like that."

You scoff mockingly.

"yes, that's exactly why you're sitting next to me bitch"

"don't fucki-"

"Don’t act so innocent, remember what you said today before you spilled my coffee on my shirt”

Her head turns to you, sweet regret and longing in her moss green eyes. She scans the bike next to you.

"i think i stole that" the embaressment goes up your cheeks.

"yeah totally badass, but we have to bring that back later" she chuckles softly.

The bright beam of light from the lantern above you gives her face an bright tint , like the beach sun always did in the evening.

"sorry... about the coffee, joshua ran into me and-"

"Yes, I know you've said that before"

She drops her head. No idea why she's sitting here, but you don't mind. you just wanted to capture her and keep her close to you, like a butterfly.

"your brother called me" Ellie mentions it so casually that it shocks you to the bone.

He can even call her but not you. After she just sat down, you were as close as ever.

"what did he say"

"He wants us to come visit him."

Her pupils were large, but you assumed it was because she just drove a dark route and not because she was high. She's way too lucid to be high.

"why? and why the both of us?"

Ellie shrugs her shoulders cluelessly

"He said that we would like Florida, that he was getting a new apartment next week and that we should visit him. You didn't tell him anything about me?"

"I haven't told him anything Ellie, we haven't been able to get in touch with him for months"

You can clearly see from her expression that it makes as little sense to her as it does to you, which worries you even more. something is wrong.

You can feel how your hands shaking, you tried to tell yourself that your just cold.

"Alex said that he tried to call you and your parents, but the line never got through, fuck he even reached Joel"

You continue to shake and Ellie gently grabs your shoulder like she has often before, when you were lost in your head, when you were so afraid of roller coasters that you almost vomited or when you cried because Alex moved out 3 years ago.

Ellie's own security was always an anchor for you, when things got too confusing she strengthened you and even though you didn't talk to each other for almost a year, she still decided to tell you that your brother was fine.

That he wants you with him.

Sometimes, on the particularly melancholic nights when loneliness and nostalgia take over, you read Sylvia's poems and it just clicks. That all because this girl with her hair that is way too short and her pants that are way too big and her full lips, her unhealthy obsession with the universe and planets, exists on the same time as you.

“There’s gonna be a explanation or a reason whatever but just calm down for now okay?”

her voice is suppressed but still safe. yes the Ellie Anchor effect, fuck that shit

“Okay yes your right what the fuck”

“Yeah I can be right sometimes”

“ I Doubt that”

Her lips pucker upwards and yours follow suit. you are still too close to each other, it all feels too new and yet too nostalgic.

The old patterns gave your heart a little sting, you quickly shook off her hand on your shoulder. You clear your throat, thanking the universe or whoever there is that it's night.

Otherwise Ellie wouldn't have been able to miss your red cheeks. In your mind you beat yourself up because you still feel this way after everything she did.

"Show me your phone"

Your hand goes protectively to your back trouser pocket. "um no?!"

Ellie Scoffs thinking your joking, but when she sees that you’re serious, she laughs.

"just give it? the fuck do you think im gonna do"

"I don't know"

With a little nudge to your foot, she gives you that look again that shows trust and you give in.

"fine"

It's a little painful for you, this morning you had a mental crisis because of her, now you letting her scroll through your contacts.

"yeah, sorry to disappoint you, but this is not your bros number"

But that must be his.

Your parents gave it to you.

Oh.

"show me" you said firmly, having a really fucked up scenario in your head, about why this is the wrong number.

Ellie takes out her phone and shows you your brother's contact. chats, phone calls, everything is there. the one from this week too.

"this doesn't make any sense, I just- I don't get it"

"Your parents gave you the number?"

You nod, "My mom said, a few Months ago he had to change his number, in the beginning we texted a bit but never really called"

your eyes switch from her phone to yours to check the numbers again and again .

"After a few days, he didn't get in touch at all, with no one. We thought he was just done with his old life." you pronounce the words and your stomach turns.

Ellie's eyes stare thoughtfully at the asgap in front of you. You're helplessly trying to build up eye contact to figure out what you're thinking.

"I think they lied to you… He said something like this could happen" She says it so fucking sure.

You couldn't take in any more and you get up with your eyes are watering "What the fuck are you talking about Ellie" Your voice broke with the trust in your parents, even Ellie looks at you sympathetically.

"Alex said on the phone that he has been trying to reach someone from home for a long time, but it doesn't work. He was so desperate that he even called me and joel. Do you think your parents or your mom-"

you raise your hand to tell her not to finish the sentence. "Why… would they do that?"

She gets up and comes closer to you. "He mentioned that your mother said he shouldn’t call her anymore or you anymore, that even you don't him in your life anymore"

It feels like your whole past is falling apart, all the beautiful moments with your family, you even want the bad memories back.

"Hey"

Ellie's soft fingertips gently touch the back of your hand. Roughness was still there, she hasn`t stopped playing guitar.

"lets run away"

a/n: omg, the chapters are gonna be shorter next time and we’re also on the road PLS STICK W IT

(and reblog😍)

anyways if you’ve come this far ur a real survivor thanks 🫶

@yourelliewillms @bready101 @liasxeatt @darkerstarsstuff @elliezato @crxmxnzl-c0rpzes @lovelyxbaby @yalaysbee @macaroni676

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