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romanticintheory · 12 days

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HI I JUST READ YOUR "SIMON BETRAY YOU" AND YOU KNOW WHATTTT IT HURTS SOO GOOD OMG THANKS FOR MAKING THATT SJWISHWBSHSJSBWJSBWBS

...

and.. maybe can you write for a part two? pleaseee🥺

HIII TYSM IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED!!! here's a pt 2! i am very sick at the moment, though, so this might be a bunch of gibberish (i sincerely apologize if so). hope you like it <3

simon riley betrays you pt. 2

simon "ghost" riley x reader || pt. 1 || masterlist

☆ ☆ ☆

-miraculously, they let you go.

-you half expected someone to drag you out of the car with the barrel of a gun pressed against your temple with the intent to fire, but no. after a few excruciatingly long hours alone with your arms and legs bound, someone new came to cut your ties and let you loose.

-maybe they were just bad at their job, you thought. after all, why would they let you, essentially a witness, go free without any repercussions?

-a few years pass. you try to move on, but its impossible when your entire world was shattered in one night.

-you never heard back from your father since then, but that wasn't the thing that hurt the most. you couldn't go a single day without thinking about the sting of betrayal. any happy moment you had was spent comparing the time you felt that same feeling with him, before anything in the world was wrong to you.

-what's worse, there was something telling you that you shouldn't tell anyone about it even if you wanted to. a voice in your head kept telling you that maybe, maybe they're keeping you on a leash. maybe someone was watching you at this very moment ready to take you out the moment you spilled your experiences.

-in a way, your fears are confirmed when you meet simon again miles away from the last place you lived. you had moved for this exact reason; you never wanted to see his face for as long as you lived.

-it happens when you're walking alone in the street. you moved to this area specifically because you heard it was quieter and, more importantly, safer. but how much of that could you escape, really?

-your attacker approaches you as you're making your walk home from work, a kind of confidence on his face that makes the common individual want to roll their eyes.

-"what's a sweet thing like you doing out alone at night, huh?" he asks, his footsteps staggered like he's had one too many drinks.

-you give him the usual speel of, "oh, my friends are waiting for me... yeah, i've got a boyfriend. haha, i'm okay, no need to accompany me, thanks."

-your soft attempts at rejection only seem to agitate him, because next thing you know he's stepping toward you and putting a hand on your arm with a bone-crushing grip.

-"c'mon jus' let me-"

-his voice is cut off by the sound of a loud thud and the stranger's yelp of pain. it takes you a second, but you realize the defense on your behalf came from beside you.

-oh, thank god.

-you and your now injured attacker now adjust your gazes to sit on the silent newcomer. just like that, your settled sense of dread has come back and increased tenfold.

-there he was, with that stupid mask over his face and his hands curled into fists for preparation of what he was going to do next if the man didn't scurry off.

-"you'll leave," he says darkly under subtle pants, as if he ran before coming to your rescue. "if you know what's good for you."

-the stranger wastes no time in running off into the night, leaving you with your worst nightmare.

-for a while, you both stare at each other like you can't believe the other is real. it takes everything in you not to cry or beg him for answers. no, after everything you worked for, you're not going to throw away everything you built in the past few years to recover from him just to throw it all away now... right?

-"why are you here?" you ask coldly. "come to finish the job?"

-although your eyes were icy and your questions came with a rigid tone, there was genuine fear in your question. what if the soldier that untied you wasn't supposed to? what if you were supposed to be dead all those years ago?

-"no. never."

-even though he knows the reason why, his heart still hurts at the thought of you believing he'd just up and kill you like that.

-"really? that's rich," you scoff, except you're terrible at hiding the tremble in your breath and the tremors traveling through your body.

-spotting your growing fear, he scrambles for something, anything, to make you fear him less.

-"i was worried, that's all. after that night," he pauses, eventually deciding to skip the details of what he did to your father. "i didn't know where you went. thought i could just get over it, but i guess i just knew i needed to check in on you just in case."

-you resist the urge to roll you eyes. "right. you're back again to 'check in on me'? to come back and meddle in my life again?" you're struggling to keep your tears back as they form in your eyes. "you've already taken so much. how selfish can you be?"

-he stares at you for a moment before slipping his hand into his pocket and taking out a gold watch that belonged to your dad.

-"i'm sorry about your father, but you have to understand that he-"

-"not that, simon. it was never that," you push his hand away and the offer that came with it. his eyes became confused. "i mean you. it's always been you. you just come into my life telling me you love me, that you want to be with me so much and then just take that all away? and you never even bothered to tell me it was a lie, just let me get tied up by some stranger to be left alone and scared!"

-there's a new look in simon's eyes at your words, but it's hard to decipher them from behind the mask.

-"it wasn't a lie," he says slowly, lowering the hand with the watch in it back to his side.

-"oh, please." the trembling has not died down in the slightest. "i bet you're still mad that worker of yours took pity on me and let me leave before you could do anything about it. like i said, back to finish the job."

-your eyes are now trained on the ground. there was a conflicted feeling in your body at the moment. on one hand, this was the man that let you get tied up and left in a car while he "handled" your father. on the other, this was the man you loved. the one who was kind to your ever desire, who always understood you in ways you never knew possible.

-"i told them to let you go," he finally manages.

-"what?"

"i..." he hesitates. "i told my captain that if i was going to give them your father's location, they were to let you go no questions asked when the whole ordeal was over with." and it was true. he hated even imagining poor you, being interrogated by his colleagues in an isolated, barren room. you had been through enough.

-and even if you had been a part of your father's scheme, there was a part of simon that loved you too much to care (though he'd never admit it to himself).

-it was a good thing price trusted his judgment. he didn't know what he would've done had he said no.

-the tears are now streaming down your face and you can do nothing to stop it. it all felt like so much. you were so, so confused. if he did love you, why did you feel this way? how much of this could you trust?

-cautiously, he goes to wipe the tears away from your face, murmuring a quiet, "hate it when you cry." for a second, it was a familiar feeling. you felt like you were back in your shared flat with simon while having a breakdown over life's struggles. in moments like those, you never would have expectated that life's struggles could take the form of simon himself.

-you can't help but lean into his touch. maybe you were insane for allowing him to touch you like this, but you wanted nothing more than to let him into your life again. the resolve you worked so hard to build was crumbling away the longer you spent with him.

-"the reason it took so long for me to find you..." he's holding your face in his hands, now. "for so long, i thought i ought to leave you alone. i know i should. i wasn't lying about when i said i was worried if you were still alive, but," he swallows the lump in his throat before continuing. "i also miss you. 'nd i know, 's incredibly selfish of me after everything i've done to you, but i can't help it."

-one of his hands leaves your face to slide the mask and balaclava off his face. there he was again, his aged brown eyes and soft jawline, the sides of his face littered with small scars you still remember to this day.

-"i'll make it up to you," he whispers. "anything you ask, i'll answer. about my past, your father, anything. you ask me to get you something, i'll have it for you wrapped all nice 'nd pretty. hell, i'll get on my knees and pray to you if you order me to, love."

-it was like your nightmare turned into a fantasy, having him here begging for your forgiveness.

-"anything you want, i want to give to you. jus' let me be a little selfish, too."

-you bite your lip as you think it over. you know the correct answer would be a clear, hard no, but you can't bring yourself to do it. not after all those nights wishing he was encasing you in his arms again, whispering all the things he adored about you as you drifted off into sleep.

-as much as you shouldn't be believing him, you do.

-"...anything?" you ask hesitantly, and it takes everything in simon not to pull you in close and never let go.

-again. no, he needs to be sure he won't scare you off again.

-"anything," he promises, fingertips tracing the edge of your jawline.

-"okay," you agree, the tears finally having stopped flowing. happiness does not even begin to describe what simon was feeling. "for starters, you can walk me home."

-with the watch long forgotten and broken on the edge of the sidewalk, he holds your face for a bit longer before letting go. eventually, he offers his arm to you and you take it.

-there's a part of him that mourns the years lost that he could've had with you. maybe, if he came to you sooner, he wouldn't have to be so careful about being around you, now. but, no, these were the consequences of his actions.

-at the very least, you were still giving him a second chance, and he was intent on not fucking it up this time.

#call of duty imagine #call of duty x reader #cod x reader #cod imagine #cod mw x reader #simon riley imagine #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley imagine #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #ghost imagine #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x you #ghost x you #cod angst #call of duty angst #simon riley angst #ghost angst #rarawrites

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y-vna · 5 months

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Just so it's clear, one of my big dni crits is this:

TW: My rant includes HEAVY topics of ed (eating disorders) and intentionally starving yourself/unhealthy weight loss 🙁.

This post is also ULTRA long, will definitely contain grammar and spelling mistakes, and I'm not going to say 100% everything here is accurate information, as I'm a human and I make mistakes too.

Let me get this clear, I dont mean anyone harm with this post. My intention isn't to hate or attack/hurt anyone to make them feel upset. I know that having an ed is a serious matter. I have friends and family who actively have/had these kinds of eds, so im not uneducated on this subject and I do understand it to a very in-depth degree. This is not to say I know everything about this topic, however.

It is definitely not easy to recover from, and lots of people struggle from it every day. I am NOT saying people with this disorder are any less human than anyone else. I'm saying it's toxic for those who do have it since it actually harms your body a lot, and pushing it on others (not the fact you have it in the first place) is something I don't support.

So respectfully, if you do support/promote eds as a positive thing, or are/follow/interact with blogs who do, BLOCK ME AND DNI. thank you.

I love everyone for who they are inside, regardless of what their body looks like. And I'm telling you right now, as someone who tried so hard to have a perfect body and stop eating bc im super insecure, it's not worth it, and it makes you feel so shitty. I love you, whoever is reading this, no matter what. So please don't change who you are just to make others happy :( <3

So I was looking thru tumblr, and this one post kept getting shown to me where people were talking about basically the idea of: "its worth it to keep losing that undesired weight, you'll see results soon" as like a motivational thing. The tags (straight up tells you it's supposed to be inspo to becoming skinny and supports the idea having an ed is the only way to get a dream bod), and their whole blog had ed encouragement/motivation. To keep...starving, i guess.?? Despite their user being about being strong and healthy, nothing about this is healthy or keeps your body strong.

I didn't decide to write a whole rant about just that part of the post because I didn't start getting super concerned until i read the notes/comments (since i had seen a lot of these 'tw : ed' blogs before already). What I saw was that tons of users were promoting starving yourself as a goal and a good thing, and basically glorifying having an ed. And also using kpop idols with skinny and perfect figures like wonyoung to tell others that (almost a literal direct quote from this user-) 'us ed people don't want to be helped and we won't stop starving ourselves until we reach the weight we want.'

"You see it as negativity cause you're not disordered." KEEP IN MIND THE PERSON THEY'RE TALKING TO USED TO ACTUALLY HAVE AN ED (the screenshot below is the person they were talking to). I understand you can't push people to get help if they don't want it, but you have to draw a line when you start saying that every person with ed doesn't want help, which just isnt true. I looked at their blog, and it was all just calculating how many calories they ate and burned every day. Most of the posts they basically only totaled 300 calories a day. THAT IS SUPER SICK ☹️. An average human needs like 2000+ calories a day. It actively influences people to copy them by posting and blogging this SUPER unhealthy weight loss. It IS NOT positive on any level. It does nothing good for you. You won't feel any happier when you look in the mirror if all you can feel is pure hunger because you won't give your body what it needs. This is so sad to me because all the comments had people trying to ask how to start starving themselves, and every blog I clicked on all had ed triggers on their posts and bios. Some of those blogs were saying NOT to become like them because they can't see themselves recovering now that they're in too deep.

As said by people online who actually had and got through having an ed, they have explained it is very unhealthy and they were glad to recover. So even though I do not have an ed, and you might think I shouldn't be "judging" people who have them, there are plenty of formerly ed diagnosed people who know the bad effect it has on others/had on them because they can accurately relate. You can still educate people on a subject even if you yourself do not have to suffer from it/have it, as long as you're doing it properly with proven facts (literally all credible research you do anywhere backed by science and experts will prove eds aren't healthy). People educate themselves to teach others about other illnesses, ongoing or past wars in history, etc, they don't have firsthand experience with/from. And they can still be just as valid sometimes.

My whole point here is that on tumblr and so many other social media platforms, I keep seeing people (posts like this and whole blogs centered around this stuff,) encouraging (mainly young) girls to stop eating altogether to have a body that society and other people are more satisfied with. That's why, for a while, I also tried to do the same because of the people saying it was a positive thing to gain a bad relationship with food and start counting your calories to be perfect. I'm also someone who struggles with body image and being shamed for gaining weight. But at some point hou need to realize hurting your body and mental state is SO WRONG. NOBODY is perfect. So don't push you or anyone else to be. I learned this, and I get its super hard to ignore the judgment forced onto you by society and your surroundings, but there will be people who appreciate you just how you are now. Like me.

So with all that said, the moral here is:

Don't starve urself (on purpose. Bc some people genuinely have trouble eating and starve themselves non intentionally. I have friends who do this 😭)

You're perfect how u are now without being as slim as your idols (and even K-pop idols don't tell others usually to be like them because they know that their companies forcing them to strictly control their weight isn't something they want fans to look up to).

Don't force (potential) ed on others

Don't encourage unhealthy relationship with your body and food

I do support people with eds, as long as they aren't trying to make it something others should look up to, and aspire to have.

If you are someone who wants to normalize having an ed as healthy or positive, please do not interact with this blog and feel free to block me :(

Thank you for reading, have a good day and ily for whoever is reading this. 💗💖💓💕

#major tw : ed #ed awareness #stop normalizing this kind of stuff #coming from someone who struggles with body image #dni criteria #you're perfect the way you are <33 #body posititivity #educate yourself #educate yourselves #get educated #stop making blogs prommoting ed

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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aita for getting into a screaming match with a neighbour after he harrassed me for months for being sick?

im gonna start this by saying i dont *think* im the asshole. i more just wanted to share this insane story and maybe get some other points of view on it.

i (22nb) got really sick back in april. like rush to a&e multiple times sick. i tested multiple times but it wasnt covid. it later turns out my cold-like symptoms and my horrendous cough were caused by allergies. it took about 3 months to finally dull it down and feel okay again. i take meds everyday and im still not 100% because the allergen (pollen) persists.

but in this 3-month period of me being sick we found we kept getting knocks on our door. it was our upstairs neighbour (approx 50m). the first time he knocked at 3 in the morning to complain about how my coughing was keeping him awake. he rambled through the door for like 15 minutes about my coughing and demanded we move our bed to the front room so he couldnt hear my coughing anymore.

i, having already been feeling guilty and anxious about being sick because my fiancé (27m) had to take care of me and i lost my job over the situation, decided i was gonna go for a walk. i was really upset and i wanted some fresh air (which at the time i thought would help).

the next morning, the neighbour came down again to inform us that we should keep sleeping in the front room until i recover because he slept so great that night. we informed him that we in fact did not sleep in the front room and i hadnt even been in the flat.

a few days go by and we get another knock at the door. its thankfully daytime and hes talking through the door again. hes demanding that we move into the front room because we are the ones causing the noise disturbance. (once again, i am very sick. paramedics were round at our house 2 days prior to look me over).

we say no to this and he says hes going to get our estate agent to resolve this because we, and i quote, "are being selfish".

a few more days pass and our estate agents inform us that theyre coming to do an inspection. naturally they get here and they want to know my fiancé and i's side of the story. we tell them im very sick and they are very understanding because the neighbour said as much when they put in the noise disturbance complaint. they tell us not to worry and theyll tell the neighbour that hes being silly.

two or three weeks go by and we hear nothing. until one day, whilst my fiancé is at work, he decides to harrass me personally because he knows im home alone. he demands to know exactly what im doing to fix this, tells me how its bothering our other neighbours (who had said nothing to us) and tells me its affecting his quality of life. (i was the one coughing so hard i was vomiting for about two weeks but his quality of life was the one inconvenienced???) in the end, he slinks off back upstairs like usual and i then ring the estate agents to complain about his continued harrassment.

this happens again another time when my fiancé and we start arguing through the door again. it was pretty much like the last few times.

but then, heres where we might be the assholes of the story. after weeks of repeated knocks and lengthy complaints and demands, he knocks again. it was 8am, my fiancé was still sleeping for work. my fiancé woke up to him complaining at me through the door again and lost it. this man was knocking to ask if it was okay to move back into his bedroom because the coughing seemed to have gone down. he wanted us to assure him that i wouldnt get sick again. we opened the door to him for the first time (after giving warning) and got into a screaming match with him. of course in the time it took between giving warning and opening the door, he had scurried upstairs and was yelling at us from there.

i think theres a possibility we are the assholes because the screaming match would have been heard by our downstairs neighbour who was not involved in this at all. we did write him a letter to apologise for this but i still feel kinda shitty about it.

i went back to the estate agents after and reported him again saying if they didnt deal with him, id look into taking legal action for harrassment. its been about a month now and weve heard nothing from him since.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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pesterquestrewritten · 4 months

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Sorry if this is an inappropriate question to ask, but why do you want to rewrite pesterquest? Was there anything wrong with its original version, or are you just doing this for fun?

brain is a Lil Loopy rn so please excuse if this answer is semi incoherent - recovering from ankle surgery rn.

im gonna try to not harp on the original pesterquest as a project/talk about my percieved issues with it. from what I understand about the work environment where it was developed, it was hell -- poor communication, tiny budgets, little overall direction. plus every artist/writer involved was likely busy with other things at the same time (for example finishing the development of Hiveswap Act 2). they had so much going against them, and... it sorts shows in the final work, which isn't their fault. the original PQ team was passionate and cared and like. the absolutely last thing i want to do is disrespect them.

(generally also stating for the record that calling the original PQ "trash" or "replaced" is like. not good vibes. please don't do this if you're trying to enjoy PQR -- the last thing the original postcanon team needs is more harassment.)

anyway.

pqr is fanfiction, fundamentally.

i started making pqr because in september i was sick with covid, i wanted to learn renpy, and i wanted to study homestuck more. i wanted to figure out what made PQ tick, literally, figuratively, all of the above.

plus i really wanted to write a different story arc for mspar.

i also really love the side characters in Homestuck, and wish they all got more time to shine. the pqr prologue including a set of Spades Slick sprites just for a brief encounter i think helps establish what i want to do with the like. raw potential of the premise of a Homestuck visual novel.

damara is the other big thing -- i've wanted to make a story with her in it work for ages. (if anyone remembers the old MEGIDO hades mod, that was my first big public attempt. she was gonna be the protagonist, breaking out of scratch's mansion. turns out coding in renpy is WAY easier LMAO)

like. the plan wasn't even initially to have the prologue be a full damara route? i just let the writing take me where it wanted to take me. it's been deeply fun and cathartic.

the prologue's "bad end" has some incredibly intimate themes of like. inevitability, and worrying you've let everyone you love down, and i showed it to a college friend who i hadn't spoken to for ages and she set a screenshot from it as her background.

like. to me. that's pqr. that's why i make it.

pqr is the laundry room ending of rose's route, a deeply personal look into my own fears and anxieties as an author reflected back through this girl's circumstances. pqr is also the retcon ending of rose's route, a wildly stupid and indulgent romp through my own past fanfiction for a silly gag that people seemed to really love.

pqr is about dave and myself looking for a place to stay simultaneously -- pqr is about jade leaving prospit, and how i was adding to that part of the game in real-time as i dropped out of college, changing both of our destinies to something unexpected but hopefully better, at the same time.

pqr is also a silly extended sleepover scene. it's just fun to see them interact.

pqr is an excuse to turn over corners of homestuck and see if we can't peek behind them. what was it like for roxy, to think she lost joey and then find rose's meteor barely a year later? of course she'd think it's impossible for her to succeed as a mother. pqr is about finding empathy for yourself for your own mistakes, reflected back at you through homestuck characters.

because really, isn't that what we're all here for?

pqr is me coming back to my last long-abandoned attempt at an act 5 rewrite. pqr is an excuse to watch my girlfriend grow in confidence and style as she makes all the endcards and incidental art (except for joey route pt 2, but THAT was an excuse to work with a NEW friend!!!!!!!)

pqr is a friendship simulator that i am winning by having an incredibly supportive and collaborative group of friends in the dev thread who are cheering me on with every segment of text i post, friends who will hop in vc to check out the newest segment. friends like @dare0451 who literally yesterday rendered out some new audio to upgrade the June route to be even more fucking amazing and terrifying than it already was, AND DARE HASN'T EVEN PLAYED IT????? IT'S LITERALLY JUST. IT'S FRIENDSHIP MAN. PQR IS FRIENDSHIP

what the hell was this question again.

oh right.

yeah it's been fun basically. that's why i do it lol

#pesterquest rewritten #pqr #homestuck #fansim #hom3stuck #asksbox

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noturvlentine · 1 year

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im sorry about my frail state of mind

matty healy x reader based on this request

sorry for the inactivity but yes, i am alive and posting, i thought I’d just put this one out because it been sitting there unfinished and I apologise for the wait!!! I also didnt proof read this so there might be some errors. i know i normally write in second person but i thought i might switch it up :)

Do not copy my stuff elsewhere but reblogs are appreciated 🖤

Summary- after being stuck in a relationship, a certain friend of Matty’s finally snaps after surrendering to the exhaustion of touring with the band and Matty is there to comfort her.

alcohol? reader is a she and lots of angst. Implied unhealthy relationship. the girl mentioned is a part of the band :)

1.9k words

༺ ♰ ༻

As soon as the set came to a close, she’d followed the rest of the band backstage as Matty and the boys were still taking their final moments, tossing picks and thanking the fans for being there. She’d left her guitar to be dealt with by the stage crew and the moment her body hit the darkness backstage, she felt the piercing sting of exhaustion hit her.

How the fuck does matty do this obnoxious act for weeks on end?

In truth, he doesn’t. The band knows full well that Matty isn’t at his best on tour but that’s just the reality, one he can’t run from because he wouldn’t be able to live with his own mind in retirement. She passed all their equipment stands which were already being packed into cases, and made her way into the corridor of the green rooms. The girl’s mind wandered, never fully settling on something before being annoyed by her own thoughts and purely just pissed off because of her growing exhaustion. She’d haphazardly passed the cases in the hallway, and made her way to their green room lounge. They’d been touring non stop for two months now, after recovering from their last leg of the tour. She wasn’t exhausted and annoyed because of the tiring after hours and fraudulent sleep schedules, she wasn’t tired because they had to play shows almost every night, nor was it because she was sick of anyone on tour- Well that wasn’t entirely true. After running around for a year and thinking she’d fallen head over heels for the glow of blue eyes and smirk of teeth, she never quite got the memo that her boyfriend was their new stage manager- stage manager assistant, to be exact. It was probably because they’d met through the actual stage manager, and she’d toured with The 1975 since god knows when, and having known Matty since he was fired from Cafe Nero, she really didn’t want to be anywhere else. Her presence was made known in the green room as she fell limp onto one of the couches, and after a brief moment of stillness, she rolled herself far enough to grab a beer from the coffee table.

“That lighting hit you too hard?” A voice from the other corner of the room taunted her exhaustion. Probably Jaime, or John even, she couldn’t tell anyone’s voices apart when all that’s ringing in her ears were the swirling hazes of intolerance. No response. The figure then laughs and plops down the the couch opposite her resting place. A moment of brief silence leads her to drag herself upright, sitting on the couch with her head draping on its back and beer bottle in hand dangling between her legs. John looks up from his phone (though she hasn’t yet noticed it was John in the room), and huffs in pity. Being in a band was never easy, thought being in a band with your best mates made it both harder and easier, it wasn’t something all too glamorous. And before the girl could properly rest her eyes for than a minute, George’s squawking laughter comes echoing down the corridor. She’d argue that he loved the sound of his clowning giggle, but her head was too deep and in need for whatever suppressing pill she could get.

She could hear what was clearly Matty’s footsteps stop at the door, as the rest of the boys stumbled in and helplessly made their way over to the couches. Through the faint ringing and dilation in her ears, she hears him light a cigarette, before making his way to the couch opposite her.

“You ‘right?” His voice was dry and soft, which made her roll herself out of that semi-sober drunk state. She looks at him with half an eye open and like before, no answer. Matty simply takes that as a sign he shouldn’t push anything on to her, she knows that he cares and he doesn’t want to find himself in the line of her potential bullets. The gun was cocked but there hadn’t been anyone pretentious enough to put their finger on the trigger-

That’s until some unknowing stage manager’s assistant takes his stride into the room. Matty could see him behind the couch she was sitting on, he walked passed the mirror and set his clipboard down onto the naked vanity. What the boy does next doesn’t surprise Matty, though he doesn’t feel the need to walk over and disarm the weapon. Matty never liked her boyfriend, he didn’t hate him no, nor did he had any strong biased towards the annoying witty blond they’d been stuck with. Matty watches as he comes around the back of her couch, stopping behind where she sat as to not find himself tangled up in George’s smoke. He leans over the back of the couch to look at his girlfriend- Matty’s friend, she doesn’t hold his gaze but instead lifts the bottle up to her lips but is quickly stopped. He slips it out of her hand, and at that moment Matty knew that he’d probably- most likely, fucked up. She doesn’t snap like Matty expected, but instead the boy puts the bottle down on the floor and then rests his elbows on the back of the couch. He brings a hand to the far side of her face and brings it to look at him. She flinches, both pissed and unwilling to even make eye contact with him. That boy really set himself up to burial and when he doesn’t get the memo that his girlfriend wants nothing to do with him, he tries again.

“Fuck off.” She says, stern and tired, unwilling to put up any defence. He looks- offended almost, but definitely not confused.

“What?” He accuses, as if he hasn’t already figured it out. And when she doesn’t answer him, her name slips out of his mouth in full demand and wanting to talk. To Matty’s surprise, he watches as she pulls herself to stand up, walking around the couch to grab the bottle from the floor and storms (in a silent, undetected manner) past the arrogant twat. If Matty weren’t so worried with his friends well-being, and everyone’s safety, he’d be laughing right now, but no one else seemed to have really noticed or thought anything of her departure, that was until the blond spun around and followed after her. George looked up from his phone and furrowed his brows to the empty space beside him, then turned his gaze over to Matty, who was now sitting next to a confused Ross and John. Adam, who was crouched on a stool beside the vanity, felt the concern silence radiating from the lounge as he too turned to the boys. They proceeded to hear what sounded like a ‘fuck you’ followed by an incoherent male voice stumbling after her. That was enough to have Matty off the couch and over to the door as everyone’s eyes trailed him. Matty poked his head out the door quietly, assessing the state of their mess.

“You’ve been coming into the hotel room every night like your fucking job here is finished, expecting me to fuck you when the only thing you fucking respect is how good your job looks.” She was yelling at him. Matty had never heard her yell, in the same fury driven, resigning matter- in fact, Matty had barely heard her yell in anger at all in the two decades they’d known each other.

They were at the end of the hallway, two doors down from the exit, the buzz of the overhead lights meant that they were in no position to hide from his view.

“And when have I done that to you?” He snarks.

“You’ve been doing it for the past- fucking six months! We have breaks for a reason and I’m not about to give you a shag whenever you want!”

It was blatantly obvious to anyone who could read basic human emotion, that her voice was on the verge of cracking as a lump in Matty’s throat began to grow- not a very good sign to anyone with half a brain.

“You’re unbelievable-“ he sighs in annoyance, turning his head in directions to look at anything but her. She was defeated from the beginning, now running her hand down her face and back up to rub her eyes. It probably took too long for Matty to make his way down the hall, George had also twitched to this action, seeing as his best mate no longer had his foot in the room as he himself contemplated getting up to help with the situation but instead received a stern look from Ross across to him. He shook his head at George as to not follow Matty into the fire, not because Ross didn’t care, but it’s unspoken that you don’t go running into another bloke’s fire unless the situation were to escalate any further.

By the time Matty reached them in the hallway, he was sure the blond was ready to open his mouth and tell Matty to ‘get her to shut the fuck up’, but he only pushed passed him and stormed off somewhere unseen. He also prepared himself to get a bottle thrown in his direction- not that she was drunk, but probably because it was logical for a pissed and tired person to lash out at anyone in rage. That and or- start crying. He’d never seen her condone that type of violence- with the exception of some dickhead at a bar back in 2012 trying to get on Matty’s nerves (who ended up with her fist in his face and a knee to the crotch, followed by her robbing him of his drink for the hell of it) and the occasional threats if she was ever gaming in the studio.

Matty hadn’t said anything as she managed to slip out a defeated laugh, before turning the back of her hand to rub her eyes.

“What a dick-“ she said, almost mockingly but with the same type of sorrow as before, leaning her head back to the wall and avoiding Matty’s eyes. One look at him and she could probably start sobbing uncontrollably, but this wasn’t the space and he knew she had no right to make a bigger deal out of her exhaustion in front of the performer himself. Matty stepped in front of her and took his hand to the bottle she was holding, squeezing her hand a little so that she’d let go of it. He put it on the floor beside him and looked up to the sight of her sore and glassy eyes.

“Yeah, what a sleaze bag he is hey?” He gently smiled (yet still internally bothered by it, though avoiding any opportunities to display it on his face as to not worry his already defeated friend) and opened his arms for her as she surrendered to his embrace, her arms slung lazily around his waist as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. Matty stood there with her in his arms, rocking on the sides of his feet as she shifted her head to the side, producing an audible sniff as the tears started down her tinted cheeks. Matty shifted his fingers to the ends of her hair, offering some sort of comforting motion when he twirled a strand around his index finger.

“Hey, we can talk ‘bout it, if you want.” He was met with a long pause and a weak hum.

“You’re welcome to stay in my room tonight.” He offered, almost like a whisper. She nodded and lifted her gaze to look at him, her eyes red and her lashes bound together in tick points from the tears.

“We should go-“ she whispered, her voice like cracked glass and quiet. Matty could only return a look of delicate smile and assurance.

AN: SORRY, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WAS MEANT TO END THAT. I know the request was more of a ‘hang out’ type thing, but I was tired, and I’m back- so why not make it a little angsty

#matty healy x reader #the 1975 fic #matty healy x y/n #matty healy #george daniel #matty healy fic #george daniel x reader #adam hann #ross macdonald #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 x reader #request

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never-wednesday · 10 months

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Hey its a Lil late in the month but this disability pride month I wanna talk about long covid. I also have chronic pain and all sorts of worms in my brain but I've been dealing with that forever. So we're talking about the new stuff. Putting a readmore because I'm talking about what my experience being sick with covid was like and it's probably unpleasant to read.

It's December of 2022 and I work retail while I'm home from school for winter break. I mask up every time I leave the house, including for work. My parents don't. My father talks about covid not being a big deal. He caught it last year and it was a mild cold for him. He says "i ate lunch with someone who had covid last week and im fine!" My mother catches covid a week after that conversation. I test and am seemingly fine despite symptoms of a cold, and then three days later (one of those days was a full 8hr shift at work where I was worn ragged because it's almost christmas. I also got heat exhaustion because the AC was busted and I live in TX.) I feel the worst I have felt in ages. My mom insists that my dad takes me to get tested for the flu, and I schedule a covid test while I'm at it. My covid test comes back positive.

For the next week I am bedbound, only able to sit up enough to try to eat something and only able to stand up long enough to get myself to and from the bathroom. I sleep through the days when I can get the dayquil down, and cough through the nights when I can't get the nyquil down. I hallucinate when im tired. One of those nights I swear I talk to god. My brain is fogged and it hurts to breathe. I am worried I will need to be hospitalized because I can't seem to keep any water in my system. It's a miracle that I can write instructions for my father to cook ramen for me. I can only drink the broth. One morning I try to take dayquil to soothe my throat and I vomit. My stomach is empty and I stand over the sink wretching.

It feels like a miracle when I recover. Christmas day my symptoms mostly clear up and I'm able to sit up long enough to use my computer, something I was unable to do for the past week. I test negative, my second best Christmas present that year. The first is the Elden Ring soundtrack on vinyl. I am elated that I made it put the other end.

A week later my friend comes from a few cities away to visit for a few days. We go shopping one afternoon, spend a few hours standing around at the local game store looking at dice and miniature plastic dragons. We get home at 6pm. I collapse into bed and wake up 3 hours later. I talk to my doctor about it in January, she says it should go away over time. Six months maximum.

I spend my spring semester exhausted. I start using a cane to make sure I can walk across campus. I'm thankful that many of my friends are also disabled because they understand when I need to ask people to slow down, or bail because of my fatigue. Many of the abled people in my life do not understand. One day I go out to a museum, a thing I am excited to do. When I get home at 4pm I make myself popcorn, then collapse into bed. I can't walk to the sink without my cane, I can barely get out of bed. This is what I have to adjust to.

Six months pass. The fatigue is not gone. I am home for summer break, and I try talking to my parents about my fatigue. They don't understand. I talk to my doctor. She is convinced it's depression symptoms. My mental health is largely the best it's been in years- I've been in treatment for months now and it is helping.

It's been about seven months now. I am not receiving treatment, nor will my doctor acknowledge that I have long covid. She has relented into testing for physical things. I got a CT scan, and have a sleep study scheduled for when I get back from visiting family in August. Depending on what these turn up and how my doctor reacts I am preparing to find a new doctor. I am not excited about this, because I like my doctor. But if she refuses to acknowledge that what has happened to me is likely covid and therefore will not treat me I will find someone else.

I don't really have a moral here beyond please mask up, get vaccinated, etc. Even if covid doesn't fuck you up it might fuck up someone you pass it to. Or even worse, it can kill the immunocompromised people around you. Please have compassion for the people around you. My father, who is a loving and caring man, brought this illness home to me. It wasn't out of malice, but it still has affected my life for probably the rest of my life.

#disability pride month #disability #covid #covid isn't over #disabled #okay to rb #lyra.txt

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lotus-flowerz · 2 years

Text

lingering words

Diluc comforts a depressed reader after they overhear something they shouldn't have

Diluc x gn!reader

TW!! FEELINGS OF ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, SELF DEPRICATING THOUGHTS

a/n- you guessed it! based off true events

i hate my writing in this im so tired omfg unedited bc its 1:30 and i want sleep

its 9 am now i just reread it and i literally hate it so much i had a certain idea in my head but for the life of me could not make it work in writing this post is not what i wanted at all 😭😭

"For real, they're just always so... down. Gloomy, I guess."

"Quick to irritation, as well! I don't know, they're just not the way they used to be."

"Quieter too. They seem so angry all the time. I can't say they're very enjoyable to be around anymore."

You listened to three of your "friends" agree on how you acted. You felt sick to your stomach. They had you completely mischaracterized.

Am I mean?

Angry?

Gloomy?

You'd been through some rough shit in your life. It had left you depressed, anxious, weary, and tired. You'd been like this for years now though. You sighed, feeling like someone had just kicked you. You began the trudge back to the Dawn Winery, trying not to let tears cloud your vision. For once, you hoped Diluc was working late at the tavern so he didn't have to see you like this.

Maybe he thinks of me the same way they do?

The thought made your blood run cold. You picked up the pace in your walking, just wanting to go home.

You practically ran through the door and slammed it behind you, rushing to you and Diluc's bedroom to try and calm down.

You closed the door behind you and leaned your back on it, sliding onto the floor.

You don't know how long you sat there, staring at the floor, trying to run through every possible solution in your head to fix this.

How can I make myself not seem so angry or gloomy?

You felt something shove against your back, making you gasp.

"What the- Y/n, what are you doing on the floor?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry."

You got up and moved to the bed, grabbing a book off your bedside table and pretending to read it.

"Nope. Not going to work. What is it, Y/n? What happened?"

He spoke softly, concern seeping into his normally monotone voice.

"I heard something I shouldn't have. And I fear it's true."

He sat on the bed beside you as you shakily recounted what had been said about you.

"Y/n, they don't know you well enough to make such... childish claims against you."

"I didn't mean to make them think I was angry. What if other people think the same thing?"

"Because you're quiet? I doubt it, love."

"N-no, apparently I seem gloomy."

"And you have every right to be gloomy."

"Huh?"

You looked up at him, unsure of what he meant. You lived a lavish life and had a wonderful boyfriend. What right to be gloomy is he talking about?

"People have said the same things about me. I'm rude, gloomy, no fun, in my own world. Maybe in some sense, they're right."

"Diluc, no, after what happened to you.. you don't have to be cheerful all the time."

"You explained my point, love. People like to talk, but they have no idea what things have torn you apart in the past. You're still picking up the pieces from your past. You don't need to recover instantly just because your circumstances have improved."

He paused for a moment, blinking back tears of his own. He took a deep breath and smiled at you, taking one of your hands in both of his.

"You also don't need to recover because lots of time has passed. If there's one thing I've learned best is that recovery is a cruel and winding road that can go on for ages. All you need to do right now is breathe. You don't owe anyone recovery, and you don't owe then an explanation, either."

The stray tears on your cheeks had turned into quiet sobs as Diluc pulled you into him, hugging you close.

"You don't always have to be strong, darling. Don't rush recovery for the sake of others, and certainly don't let those harsh words effect the way you act."

"Only if you promise to do the same thing." you said in a small voice.

He nodded, kissing the top of your head.

"Of course. As long as we have each other, the lingering words of bitter people won't get in our way."

#diluc #genshin comfort #genshin fluff #genshin x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc fluff #diluc comfort #diluc x reader

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didsomeonesayventus · 1 year

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lord the way i can write in circles about Alear and the visceral experience of [redacted]

(or, the wordbarf of “I am very unhinged about Alear how dare you assume im normal” ft. copious spoilers for like. chp 21 onward because I need tumblr to know I’ve already said most of this on twitter to some extent)

he finally got to experience love and how he finally started recovering from his trauma and how he was at his desperate, frantic wit’s end probably when he first struck sombron down how he probably felt cornered and would rather risk his life and everything else to simply be free of his father how he went in without an emblem and all alone and likely not telling Lumera the full plan probably terrified if he would come out alive 1v1-ing sombron with nothing but fuck it he would rather fight for a chance to live in peace than wait for his dad to find out how “defective” he is and dispose of him like so many siblings and lumera was probably going to stop him because it’s crazy it’s stupid it’s risky it’s not worth it she loves him and promises one day it will end don’t be rash and please hold on but!!!!!! god damn does someone have to try and he is tired of waiting for the chance to get better he cannot fucking take it anymore!!!!! he can’t sit there and wait and worry and be strong he has a sister out there who is at risk every second they carry on their little hidden charade!

How PAINFUL it is to finally receive kindness and be forced to realize all these scars and all these days spent walking on eggshells is for NOTHING for even what had been kindness before pales in comparison how WOUNDED to realize how damaged you are simply trying to survive and how unfair it all must feel when kindness and love was simply that easy to choose and yet knowing your father would never, EVER be kind.

and contrary to having a gentle and honorable nature that only carried out sombron’s will to survive, coerced into such violence and desolation, the nature that is stilted and a thoughtless machine so he, too, does not join the ranks of failure, the nature that the hero king himself recalls as “You were kind, as you are now.”, despite that gentle, gentle core that somehow survived he has such malice for his father there is no mercy there is no kindness dare I say he- with only a little conflict and concern -relishes the opportunity to personally do his father in because after years of abuse and trauma there is finally catharsis and it pours from him like he is finally vomiting and coughing up the vile dregs of the poison in his system

finally hope that is so disgustingly blinding right in front of him and how he was SO CLOSE he was SO CLOSE to walking away from this he was sick and giddy and the thought that he was going to get away and be free and live happily with his mother and go find veyle and be SAFE and HAPPY FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE and then ITS JUST. TAKEN. IN A SINGLE MOMENT.

how even saying himself the war is over and they don’t have to worry still accepting that he’s a Fell Dragon this is just WHAT HAPPENS as if he is not sitting there dying, struggling to breathe, having just ended a war that nearly wiped out the Divine Dragons, no doubt caused terror across the land, HAVING DONE A GENUINELY OBJECTIVELY GOOD THING THAT HE HIMSELF RECOGNIZED and still saying that Fell Dragons die in the end. how he is no better than the father laying only feet away who treated his children like tools and only spoke his name once when he was born. Lumera says he’ll just sleep and he’ll wake up and it will be fine and how he so subtly doubts that and still speaks as if this is his last chance, simply speculating how, if he does wake up, he wants to be like her AS IF HE ISN’T ALREADY FOR. YOU KNOW. ENDING THE WAR AND SLAYING THE PROBLEM DRAGON.

the way i pull at my hair and scream at the top of my lungs over how AWFUL alear had it and how VINDICATING it is to see him grow and love and rage and scream and cry and find his own way anD KILL HIS OWN SHITTY DAD WITH A LASERBEAM OF LOVE AND ALL THE FRIENDS HE’S MADE AND GETS TO BE DRAGON JESUS HAPPILY EVER AFTER

#katie rambles #alear #fe 17 #fe engage #fe17 spoilers #engage spoilers #spoilers #tw vomit #tw abuse #im sorry i get a little gross and visceral with the descriptions and metaphors if only because GOD THIS SITUATION SUCKED #I REMEMBERED TUMBLR HAS DECENT TAGGING WITHOUT COSTING SPACE #HAHAHAHAHA I CAN GO OFF WITHOUT FEARING ACCIDENTALLY SPOILING MY FRIENDS #ANYWAYS THIS IS LIKE. 90% OF MY ALEAR BRAINROT IM SO PROUD OF HIM AND SO WORRIED #like idk i think so much about That One Flashback #and i'm pretty sure the hashtag patricide moment was alear on his last fucking braincell going 'that's it im done im through'#because he knows how his father works and would anyone want to wait knowing death is coming when love and peace is right there.#right at his fingertips. so close. so god damn close it HURTS #so yeah i think alear was having the mental breakdown of the god damn century going after his dad alone #i think he felt very. VERY cornered in his options and went 'fuck it we ball'#because if most of his options involved waiting and risking death might as well take the risk #why wait to get called defective and fed to the corrupted and why keep crawling back for long. nice talks with the growing risk #i think it is an awful emotional barf of all his pain and fear and rage and glimmering above it all hope that he could reach out and take #a hope that is SO VERY CRUELLY TAKEN AT THE LAST GOD DAMN MOMENT #i'll admit a lot of my own interpretation in here but like AUGH.#Alear I love you alear alear best lord ever #i've always been thinking about this in some capacity since I learned i have not known rest going on 3 mnths

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thegoober010 · 3 months

Note

OK OK YIPPEE

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

sooooo could you write like father figure Sans with reader who has an eating disorder?

Like he begins noticing that theyre eating less and less and theyre losing a bunch of weight and he confronts them about it?

IF NOT THATS FINE, ITS A VERY TRIGGERING TOPIC!!!

Make sure to get food and drink water!!! Take breaks!!!! TAKE CARE OF URSELF!!!!! <333

-🐾

Oh!! QUITE A REQUEST BUT OFC I CAN!! I understand that fictional characters can be parental figures to some and requests like this can be helpful/comforting to some in different circumstances so I am willing to write this dearie dw!! plus father figure sans is so real. also right now im suffering a bit from burn-out due to my school cause right now I'm in a club that requires a lot of my time so im kinda suffering from a bit of burn out ig- so Im not gonna write a full nose-shot but I will write kinda like a headcanon type one-shot!

gender neutral reader as usual :)!!

TW/CW -> eating disorder (anorexia), self-esteem issues, body dysmorphia

remember if you're dealing with any eating disorder please try to talk to someone you're close with, a friend, family member, or trusted adult about this and I recommend trying to find professional help or trying to talk to someone about this, it is incredibly important to find support during such times <3

"I care for you more than you think"

Sans was always a father-figure for you, ever since you fell to the underground and left Toriel's home he allowed you to stay with him and his brother, he took care of you in his own way by taking you to places, meeting other monsters and allowing you your freedom but also protecting you and making sure you were safe by being near you often since you were just a kid to him.

Sans took quick notice of you using oversized clothing more than usual, and mostly long-sleeve shirts or hoodies (which he assumed you did to try and hide your body whether that be because you thought you were fat or something of that sort, it concerned him greatly) he would often touch your arm and pretend as if he were just patting near your arm/back/shoulder and would notice you were losing weight faster than he would expect someone to normally do.

After he took notice of such things he would often try taking you to a few more places like Grilby's or Muffet's, of course he never forced you to eat but he would always suggest it. Sometimes he would make hot dogs/cat dogs or make some waffles for you, if you refused he would just give a quick nod and let you be but he would leave the food near you or tell you that you should eat it later if you're really not that hungry right now.

At one point though it became a huge cause for concern as he noticed you started to distance yourself more from him and your friends, he decided enough was enough and fully confront you about it.

You broke down crying as he started to speak to you in a concerned tone of voice and started to confront you about your behavior. He didn't want you to feel bad but he was extremely worried and did not want you slowly killing yourself because of how you perceived your body.

He's a very good listener, maybe not the best at giving physical comfort but he's good at listening and giving advice. Ever since that day he would not force you to eat full on meals, no, he understood that people recover differently, and that it takes time. He made sure to take it slow and one step at a time. He would make small snacks at first, perhaps with some fruit or lower calorie foods so that you wouldn't feel too guilty about eating them and slowly making their way up to more higher calorie foods to fix your relationship with food and what you considered 'bad' and 'good' food.

He always reminds you about how you're much more than just your body but that you should also take care of it, and by taking care of your body you are not restricting yourself so much that it's slowly killing you.

He helps you out with eating, if you feel like you're going to get sick while eating he doesn't force you to continue, he always tells you how proud he is of you for eating just a little bit and that maybe next time you two can try something a bit more filling for not just the body but soul!

He's a great help in recovery, not only in helping you eat but also in your emotional support and physical support, whenever you feel too weak he takes care of you, whenever you feel down he listens. He may not know much on how to help but he makes sure to get different opinions from everyone and different ideas to help you out.

idk if this was good or not as I said before im suffering from burn out but ima try my best to continue writing a lot!!

#undertale #undertale fanfiction #undertale fanfic #toby fox #undertale sans #dad sans #comfort

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motionlessinone · 4 months

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One of the worst things i suffer with is health anxiety. Every now and then i will go down this huge rabbit hole of thinking that im dying. I find one thing wrong with my body and then im on google looking things up which i know never leads to anything good. The next thing i know i think im dying again.

This time around i fixated on my lymph nodes. The previous week before i had been watching a lady battle and lose her battle to cancer and i think that's what had triggered it. I started looking for anything that was out of place on my body and discovered when i turn my head to the side that one side i can feel a lymph node and the other I can't

For the past two days ive been fiddling and pushing on it too see if it moves or hurts and too see how big it is. its squishy and moveable but my brain still tells me its bad. I started to put other things to the lymph node. Like the fact i have anemia because i have really heavy periods and have done since i was 10. Or the fact on my leg currently i have this big purple bruise and i put those together and think im dying.

Also in the winter time my periods become more erratic because the lack of vit D my body gets and i put this down to cancer as well.

Seems silly writing it because realistically ive always had bad periods, they've always been regular til the winter and then they become more erratic because of the lack of vit D.

I dont take care of my body half as much as i should. Im overweight, i dont sleep right or eat right. Ill only address my anemia if it becomes a probelm.

I got sick in November with a virus that could have cause my lymph node to be bigger and my body is still recovering from that, not to mention i think im getting sick again.

And the bruise i slipped getting into the bath the other day and hit my leg.

I think from now on im gonna stay away from people dying online, and im not gonna google everything. I cant keep going the way i am its exhausting 😞

#health anxiety #anxiety #i cant keep doing this #unhealthy #i think im dying #again #i get scared #overthinking #all the time #im sick of it #rant #gonna be better #cant keep this #healthy #diet #looking after myself #being an adult #not everything will kill me #my body

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starsambrosia · 4 months

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Fear of a deity

He showed up today, acting like everything was ok and i snapped at him honestly. I told him i didnt want to work with him right now and to let me just work as i was in the middle of a spell and he added to it, i kept the ingredient he touched partially because my target works with him so i want it to actually be benifical and partially out of respect and fear.

I like to think he wouldnt hurt me again but after what happened i dont know. I feel like i was a toy, i feel like i was used like one and dropped to the side when he was done. I feel so hurt so aching and sick over it i dont understand why he would show up like its ok especially after Hermes spoke with him.

He knows what he did, he knows but its like he didnt realize just how badly it affected me until i started shutting him out and now hes just everywhere and i cant get away from him and there are signs really really obvious ones trying to get my attention and it hasnt even been a day i am so overwhelmed and kind of afraid honestly.

Why why why would you show up like this after i told you to leave me alone! I just need space and time and a breath i just need that.

Whats worse is i like the attention, i love the deity but i hate how badly he hurt me, i want to work with him but i cant get over what happened. I ask for space and i get what feels like love bombing. Of course im scared this looks just like a relationship i had that ended badly it looks just like some mythos ive read that ends badly

It all ends badly in the writing and my life has linned up so well with mythos in the past that i am worried. I want to hug him and for him to tell me it was a bad dream that it didnt happen that were still ok and we can work togeather

But it won't help ive tried that it didnt work it made things so much worse on me and now its getting into the cracks its pushing on my mental state its hurting in a strange way

I am terrified i am so fucking scared because this deity interveined and saved my life from a head injury, literal miraculous healing i should not be functioning. What if he gets angry and takes it away? I'll be stuck with a tbi for sure

And no matter how reasonable it feels to be afraid of that i just...cant be? Its like a wall shoots up with "he would never hurt you like that. Not again"

But he did hurt me, he did it multiple times, for months, for his own gain, because he wanted to.

Why wouldnt i be scared of it being taken

But something just wont let go its like "this is a gift he wouldnt take it back hes too loving he cares too much"

Then why didnt he show it, why did he hurt me just for fun. I ache i feel alone i hurt im scared i feel like a cornnered animal and hes closing in not letting me breathe hes everywhere on everything and while yeah i want it to be ok, i asked for time i am trying to get away for a bit i need to breathe and its like hes got a grip on me and doesn't want to let go.

I feel like my minds being twisted and it scares me, does he have a grip on my head since he healed it? Am i going to be ok if i say no? What the actual fuck is happening and am i in trouble or not because my gut seems to agree that i am in no danger and hes just trying to show he cares still

Please, if you care if you see this, if it somehow means something, i need to breathe, i love your presence, but i need to breathe. i need space i need to recover, and i need to think. Im scared of you now. Im terrified after what you did. Please give me space for a while. Then we can try to build trust again if i recover from what happened.

It makes me so sick to write that because i dont want it i dont want to write it i dont want space i dont want him gone im scared of him leaving and im scared of him staying and im only doing this because its healthy because the last option didnt work.

But im scared i wont recover and that it means this is over for good, and i dont know how to feel about that...

What happened would've eneded any normal persons relationship even with a deity or loved one and said person would be behind bars. But i cant let go not fully i feel attached i feel tethered and pulled and luke my heartstrings tug and twist when i try to get back and have space it bends me internally it feels like cracks in my mind are growing and it hurts

And then the moments of obsession, where i feel like i snap mentally and hes on my mind constantly (i think im coping with what happened?) I feel like a blushing person running for their life

I feel broken and yet like hes holding me togeather by a strand, reminding me who i belong to.

But that makes no sense...i swore myself to Zeus in a lot of ways so if i belong to anyone its him.

Maybe its time to call on him and ask for his aid, this has gotten really bad...

-Deos

#ambrosia #pagan #personal experiences #personal #journal #D #A

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saintdentist · 1 month

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Finally blocked and closed the chat of a discord conversation with an ex friend i was very close with (i think the closeness was one sided. but i loved her a lot platonically.)

It felt . good? I felt nothing?

i dont ever want to read those chats again. few things in my life have made me felt so sick and awful as what she said to me.

The friendship breakup has stuck with me for a very long time.

i kept them open because. i thought maybe she was right. i thought there really was something wrong with me. and i kept those messages in my saved chats to see if years later maybe i would understand what she was getting at. if the passage of time would make me realize my missteps.

Never happened. Its been over a year now i believe. there is nothing wrong with me.

Yes i made mistakes. i had negative traits that i have now grown from. but i shouldve never let her treat me like her little pet and let her treat me far worse than her other friends and her family. She let other people in her life, namely her friends, say racist and terribly bigoted and mean shit and that was not a problem to her. but my issues that were very obviously a product of my trauma and broken home were blown out of proportion and villianized.

when the people close to her would say terrible things, it was because of anxiety. when i was begging for reassurance because i was very mentally unwell i was evil and "using" her.

sometimes the worst people just know how to sound reasonable. they dig into you with their misused therapy language and calm tone while they berate you so it makes you feel like youre the bad guy. boy did she know how to do that.

I cant figure out what i learned from that relationship. not yet. maybe it was less of what i learned and more that i needed the relationship to break off to send me down a different path in life. because it really did shake up my whole world. Maybe that was a good thing.

anyways. Goodbye *****. may i never have to read anything from that sour mind of yours ever again. good luck with your books. i do still wonder if you think about me anymore. if you think about bug and rensford nowadays. how you would feel knowing that our friendship inspired ken. if you kept my sticky note or if it was trashed.

It doesnt really matter. im capable of writing without you. im capable of living without you. i didnt use to think that. i thought after we stopped talking it was all over for me.

it wasnt. it never will be. not until i die

i am not evil. i never was. i was a traumatized kid who was being mistreated at home while i was still recovering from csa who hadnt had friends for a long time. i was still getting used to socialization again. and your treatment of me turned me away from human contact at large for over a year.

but im coming back swinging. the world will see me again. im becoming my own person in this world and theres nothing you can do to stop me. im going to make friends who actually love and care for me. i have some already! im going to continue to become a better person. fuck you !!

#text

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bread-gobgob · 5 months

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god im gonna regret this in the morning.

i made this playlist the week leading up to your birthday. i'm going to make another one this year. here is how my night is going.

my best friend who i usually call when i'm this upset is out on the town having fun. he always calls me when he's down. he calls me to tell me about batman and jesus christ superstar and lord of the rings. he was going to bring me along to the fun as a plus one, but i'm not eighteen so i can't go clubbing. i'm still just seventeen. I'm the same age you were when we met, Eni.

I'm seventeen and I'm gonna be eighteen soon. Are you proud of me?

I have a million emotional triggers. Some are much more severe than others. tonight, i can't place what exactly has set me off. maybe it's that once again i'm too young for something. maybe its the fact i've been locked up in this god-forsaken room all day. maybe its the fact that i left my phone in my boss' car and haven't had it all day and won't have it again until monday.

do you miss me? i miss you. i miss having something constant in my life. there is venom behind my feelings for you, but there is also so much hurt. i think the only real reason i'm mad is because you left me and didn't say a word. i had to get my girlfriend at the time to message you about it.

i miss you. i miss you and i am so vulnerable right now. it is late at night, my room is pitch black. i don't use discord the way i used to anymore. im not fifteen anymore. i'm not fifteen anymore, oblivion.

can you believe it? i'm not fifteen. i'm not fifteen! it's been so long since I was fifteen. oh god how wonderful it is to no longer be fifteen. oh god how horrible it is to still be seventeen.

i've been drinking a lot lately. i work a bar. i have adult friends. vodka is my best friend but i haven't had it in a while. i went to a party, and at it i drank something that tasted like mentholated spirits. i pulled all my friends aside and apologised for being so bitter. i told my best friend i loved him. i kissed a boy i know so many times he giggled and held me tight and god, i don't know who i am anymore, oblivion.

i try to throw myself into my writing - my most recent chapter is about Gadina, who's been repurposed, and who I was originally going to write as aromantic but there's this girl, Ivy, who she's the knight of and they're in love. They can't be in love because they're girls, but they also can't be in love because Gadina's brother was murdered and Gadina is seeking revenge on all who live in the castle.

I think maybe you would like it.

I try and throw myself into my friends - i talk to them about their interests and their past experiences, and i tell them i love them because I do, but I feel as though i'm not enough for them. i fear that one day they'll see me, this broken thing you couldn't love anymore, and they'll leave the same way you did. without a goodbye. begging me to let go.

i think maybe you would like them, too.

im trying to rediscover myself, oblivion. im trying to map out what exactly i am. my whole identity was you, and that's my fault. i was obsessed with you - you were older, wiser, had more experience than me. i thought you were so cool and I remember thinking, in the earliest days, that I wanted to be your friend so bad. Now you're not here, so I have to find another identity.

alcohol isn't an identity.

do you miss me too? sometimes i hear running out of roses or everything or stuff we did or hero, oh raven, my love is sick, forever drunk, all the songs on that playlist, really. and I think, this isn't possible. how do you recover from a bond so insanely important.

I hope you never see this message. Your Honey Bee.

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makahimetenshi · 11 months

Text

Follow me inside the wastelands - Chapter 9 -Arthur Maxson x Female Sole Survivor Fanfic

This one will be a long fic with a lot of chapters, I already write the concepts. Since I don’t play as Nora in Fallout 4 because Nate for me is the real protagonist the personalities and ideas are pretty fanbased from another fanfics I read

If you are very very very delighted with one fic and want a continuation I didn’t write or post you can donate me at least $5 bucks, most of this fics have next chapters I don’t finish because lack of motivation but hey a $5 is a $5, I see a few reviews and coments that fics that are abandoned months laters receive coments of wanting to know what happends next. Here it is, I finished my handling with you all, enjoy the fic

-Im sorry, what did i broke this time? –she said in a low voice before he went to hug her and leave kisses in all the side of her face.

-You saved 9 soldiers and the brotherhood could not be more proud from a having a sentinel as skilled and capable as you, but I also fear for you a lot, I am always worried when you go out but when I see you this time in the gurney I whished that the one knocked out was me instead- her hand went to caress the back of his head and Arthur sighted relieved at the touch, its been more than a month since the last time she touched him there and it was so calming and warm…-what do you need? Where does it hurts? What can I bring you?

-Im surrounded by people…-she said and he leave a big smooch in her cheek, surprising the woman.

-I don’t care, I been worried sick for more than a month so I decided that I don’t care anymore, -he made that realization with an actually surprise for himself like it was liberating to say it- I cant care, I need to be with you right now –Nora breathed out and rest her cheek over his shoulder.

-Mmm lets see…I want a nail clipper, a notebook and a pen, a mirror, a cozy blanket…and…-she bited her lip before saying this actually nervous to overstep- would you sleep with me? Here, at the room, im sorry, I feel pretty tired right now…

-A nail clipper? –his eyes went down to see at her nails and sighted, terrible attention to details- don’t worry, I don’t plan to leave your side, ill bring a pillow, a blanket and my most comfy slippers –Arthur went to took and kiss the inside of her palm, looking at her eyes.

Even disheveled, greasy and tired looking at her chocolate eyes makes all his worries goes away.

-Thank you

-Ill tell the nurses to come and do the check ups while ill go to pick up some stuff okay? I don’t want to comb your hair and touch your scar so they will do that yes? –Nora nodded and yawned- wait for me awake, I see you sleep enough for a entire life.

Oh boy Arthur was a man in love. Walking in slippers and underwear in the Prydwen just for a woman. The most amazing one.

At coming back to the nursery they were checking her breathing. He wasn’t being stupid or brute, he had the things…in a little bag to not drag unwanted attentions…and while they were working he will step a side and wait, any exam will help to her recovery in the future so no interruptions. Arthur felt the look of Knight Cade over his shoulders, and when he looked at him the man turned the eyes to the rooft, not wanting to cross gazes.

Yeah, he noticed the old man judging him.

-My jaw hurts…the entire mouth –at hearing this Arthur put attention after all it was the cosmetic surgery he paid.

-Sentinel you lost a lot of teeths in the combat, here at the Prydwen we tried to recover and recreate them but since you were in coma, you could not carry out the treatments that you have to carry out, in addition to the fact that you was not eating solids yet

-When I will start eating solids?

-After we are done with the cocktail of medication –Nora nooded and they started checking her ears –are you cold sentinel?

-Indeed

-I see some mucus, guess youll need more blankets at night, don’t worry –how the hell everybody was around her since almost 2 months and no one realized there was few shelter? Arthurs blood boiled a bit at hearing that.

-When can drink things like tea? I want a hot drink

-Not until you start leg training, you have been prostrate for almost two months, your legs are sored for being inactive so long, right now the amount of liquids and hydration are controlled by us so you don’t have to pee that much, but if you wish to go just call one of us by pressing that button over there

-I wish for some privacy…

-Don’t worry, we are experts at it and you also have very bad scars at your legs, the plasters have been removed two weeks ago since you were still sleeping and the openings needed to close at open air despise of being cleaned, but the training to move properly again is going to be guided with professionals so you don’t move wrong and break by accident the surgery procedure done when you arrived –Nora nodded, a bit depressed but visible to everyone- don’t worry Sentinel, youll be back to walk and run normally after the training, if you try now your knees and ankles will fail to stand up because your body is unused, once the therapy starts little by little its going to be better, youll be dancing in no time.

Arthur was observing the nurses work and say all important information we wanted to be up to date, but half hour later Nora was looking kinda tired, so he went inside the room and sit in a chair next to her gurney, not bothering or interfering the nurses job, he just wanted to make her know he was around and better not fall asleep just because he wasn’t close. It was selfish but he wanted to expend time together, shes been so close but so far for so long he was craving to be around her.

Two hours passed until they were ready to let the sentinel finally rest, the chekings were done, cleaning, cures, medicine, changes…the nurses were clearly uncomfortable with the elders presence but they weren’t not only authorized to say anything but at no position to ask…They left and the two of them were alone, a few seconds later the elder breathed out and his forehead fall into her shoulder, Noras hands placed in the back of his head caressing a bit to reassure him. Ah its been so long since she was able to do that…

-Everything is alright –he whisper and went to hug her by the waist, wanting to be as close as possible now he was able after so long.

-I cannot go to the bathroom by my own

-Its temporal, what were you thinking? –he knew it was a bad idea start a fight over this subject barely waking up but it was beyond his imagination why she would do something so risky.

-You fight a Deathclaw too

-But I didn’t pull his tail to fall all over me

-Sorry, I went desesperate at the moment –he waved a hand and let it pass, he wouldn’t discuss it right now.

-It was reckless and dangerous but we are all in debt with you for bringing everybody alive, despite how you achieve it –he went back and look at his bag, finding the nail clipper and grabbing her hand –let me take care of you okay? You went enough for a decade –she nodded and settled on the pillow behind her back, raising a hand for him to work over, she smiled relaxed with her heart melting on her chest

-Hey do you have that mirror?

-Yes –his other hand went to search in the bag and give it to her, Nora used her free hand to raise it and take a look

-Damn they cut my hair –she said a bit disgusted looking at the image.

-Beautiful as always –he whisper still cutting her nails.

-I don’t like it, its now how I imagine my head half shaved before

-Women Scribes shaves their heads at the Brotherhood and also look beautiful

-Ill cut different this bangs

-Try to be carefull with the stiches in your wound -she nodded and smiled at him, she had a caring and soft smile.

-You must be tired too, its pretty late

-I spend many nights unable to sleep thinking in your state, now I have you here I want to do as most as possible –he finished a hand and took the other, caressing it slowly with a finger –Nora most of the times you…slip away from me…-he smiled sad and she went forward to kiss his forehead.

-Theres no place for me at your side

-I can create it –she raised an eyebrow confused- I can do it, im the elder –since from a long time he was expeculating with telling her the possibility about…marriage…but it was obviously so soon and a nerviosism take all over him each time he thought about it so he had a better alternative-I read your notebook

-Shit, Preston…-Nora whispered by low closing her eyes and taking air out her chest.

-He was following orders…

-I didn’t think he would do it

-A trustable soldier, im glad he has your back –Nora look at the other side and Arthur thought that was strange while starting to clip her nails on the second hand –Whats wrong?

-Nothing, I didn’t want you to read it so soon.

-Its an amazing text, sometimes I have to do similar tasks and it really inspired me to do it better.

-I told you I was a lettered before bombs dropped

-Anyway I can…protect you from that side…you have the talent and I have the power –he didn’t have the guts to look at her eyes but at least he was presenting this opportunity, is she wanted to take it or not was completely on her. He would prefer she would…

-We help people because is the right thing to do for everyones happiness, not for the possibility of a more comfortable life for us at all, there’s no such a thing on the wastelands –again, Arthur cant argue against it but she was being despicable of the only life he had the opportunity to ever knew- there’s no other option for me or anyone

-You have to admit that my bed is the most comfortable and safe in all the Commonwealth

-No one is safe, ask the ex mayor synth of Diamond City –Arthur didn’t want to get in this type of discussion now, he preferred to keep it In peace, at least that came out his chest. He was vocal and open about his worries and plans with her in his life.

-Keep doing an excellent work Sentinel

-The most positive thing about being feeded this way is that I wont have to savour anything…

Arthur sighted and finished her hands, now her nails were short and round so there’s no chance of cutting or scratching her skin by accident

-Ill bring you scissors tomorrow for your hair

In a pair of hours both were sleeping, Nora in the gurney pretty pretty covered in blankets and Arthur in a chair, with a pillow floating between the back of his chair and the pillows in Noras gurney, he was covered with one of her blankets extended. At first he didn’t want to sleep, he didn’t want to miss a minute with her, but her eyes were closing and it feeled like torture try to talk to her to avoid sleeping…so he eat his guts and wished her to wake up this time. Also he was tired and sleepy too, he handt have much sleep either this week.

Nora grab his hand under the blankets and both closed their eyes to sleep, connected, looking at each other side, the elder was glad that she was so attentive of his fears and…try to trust with all his heart that she will wake up in a few hours.

Morning came, 7am came, his normal waking up hour and he was afraid to open his eyes and find Nora asleep in a coma again, that everything from tonight was just a dream like the ones he had over this weeks, that dreams were like a pleading, a wish for her recovery…

But he swallow his fears in the end and do it, as elder he had to move forward from his fears a lot and this…wouldn’t be the exception, he was the elder, no matter how difficult everything was he had the duty to not let himself down and overpass each situation.

He open the eyes and look at her chocolate ones, gazing at him, at seeing him awake Nora greeted with a smile.

-Good morning –she whispered and his heart stopped, his heart was running a race before in nerviosism and it just stopped, she was there, right there like she wasn’t in almost two months. Now he can be in peace again, she was at his side.

-Im so glad you are here this morning

-Ill rather be in the most comfortable and safe bed in the Commonwealth –his cheeks blushed from the implications but it make him more happy that she remember the conversation they had just a few hours ago, she was sane and sound –but my mouth is really really dry and since an hour I want to pee but I didn’t want to wake you up since you look so tired and like needing the sleep –instantly Arthur went up and pushed the button to call the nurses, went to kiss her forehead and get up. Their hands were still holding together

-Im tired but you are more important, if you need anything just ask.

-I wanted you to sleep without inconveniences, you take care of me tonight and…all this time…

-And I want you to recover as fast as possible, tell the nurses all you need, im going to change and get breakfast, ill pass here by lunch, I know you cant eat for now but I want to use my break time with you before heading to my other meetings –she smiled pressed his hand a bit- take proper care of your needs okay? Ask for anything, I insist

-Could you give me my notebook then? I have an idea –the man do as he was told and she gave him a naughty smile –have a nice day at work honey

Oh my god it was all that pre-war American wife fantasys all over again, he had missed it so much. Arthur went to leave kisses all over her face laughting with her before leaving the room.

Arthur made at lunch time to see her, his plate and fork on hand, she cant eat but sharing a meal together was an excuse to talk and he needed to hear her voice after so long desesperatly.

-You know those bastards were already designing a statue for the capital wasterland in case you perish? –Arthur said biting on his bramin steak actually annoyed from the conversation

-My ghost will take a ride to that place

-I know that travelling for your sounds kinda impossible but think that all the soldiers in the Prydwen came from another region and stablished here, is possible to travel far distances

-Back in my days you could be driving for three days and still be in the same state. Anyway you said I could ask anything right?

-Im glad you ask something

-This is my idea –Arthur left the plate to one side and take the notebook in the page Nora marked him, there was a drawing of a coach with a lot of indications at the sides.

-Elaborate, im not a carpenter

-Silly is a massage chair, its actually pretty simple, it’s a coach or a chair with some vibration device in some parts, some have the functionality to get the seat or the back warm on temperature, I get one as a wedding gift but obviously is not in my house in sanctuary hills anymore

-It’s a good idea, it could be therapeutic

-My legs are sore, it may be good for me to sit there for a few minutes before trying to get up –Arthur nodded and smiled, she was something else.

-I can get it done for when you finally get able to do the training therapy, the most difficult part will be saying goodbye to one of my good chairs

-Oh ill just be fine if its actually clean, don’t worry too much –Arthur went fowards and kiss her cheek, she deserved the best, and he was kinda smoochy today. Nora can understand, he waited a lot for her just like when she waited for Nate to return safe and sound.

Arthur worshiped this beautiful non radioactive goddess, she performed the miracle of getting up from a coma by her own and be enough okay to have a nice healing, not getting in the middle of the elder activities too much, not like he would complain if he had to but it was a relief to have her in a good state, he would be okay if she was okay and now he cant complain at all, from all the horrible endings que imagined when his mind went to dark places that weeks…this was the best turn of events.

Eventually the nurses give the okay for her to start the training therapy so she would be able to recover mobility. It was such a relief being able to use crutches to at least go to the bathroom by her own, not like she wasn’t in a hurry for actually walk and run but after so long of not being able to pee whenever you want this feeled magical.

Arthur send to the nursery a bouquette of flowers when he heard the news of Nora starting the therapy, but the flowers were rejected, his heart ached at hearing the response but the mature side of his brain told him to calm down, there may be a reason and she wasn’t a completely bitch…she was sometimes for not taking him in consideration before this incident…not staying around much…he was resent lately that they didn’t spend much time together before she disappears no matter the reason and now that he had her she was in a coma.

He made his way with his dinner and a fork, like nothing happened, she was drinking things now which was an advance…she wasn’t saying anything about the bouquette so he would address the subject like a mature man who want to talk things and problems, chatting would solve every problem right?

-Where are the flowers I send in the lunch time? I sorry I cannot attend today but I have meetings

-I rejected them –well no shit Sherlock, what a nasty way to say it, sometimes Arthur hated her manners-I don’t like the flowers of the Commonwealth, the smell is horrible to me, im not going to contaminate the room closed air

-Not only food but also smells? Are you sure you don’t have a problem on your senses?

-You don’t know what the smell of lavender is…or jazmins…I would die to see a bouquette of legit roses, not plastic dry ones –the melancholic tune on her voice make the man a bit sad.

Nora often had melancholic thoughts and attitudes, she often missed her old life and home and told everyone that no one can understand that type of sorrow: except the ghouls, one of the reasons she fraternized so much with ghouls was because they share the living experience from before the bombs falls. Some remember few, some other remember more, some others didn’t care about the past, some others the life in the wastelands overpass them and they don’t remember the better times anymore, some others just move on and accepted this terrible fate…

She adapted with no problem to this reality but sometimes the memorys suddenly appear on certain situations turning down the mood for her. Like getting an unsolicited flash of your dead parents ruining your day and getting you all sad. But everybody’s lost someone, the sorrow was common, the reasons only gets more and more bizarre.

Only so she wouldn’t die, Arthur will ask later Neriah to try to clon…and mutate…some plants into flowers the most similar as possible to roses to give Nora a surprise.

Neriah find…uncommon a solicitude directly from the elder, especially one that didn’t appear to be so urgent or important but…she wasnt in position to ask or even get a context.

The day she was able to eat solids again Arthur went to eat lunch with his most precious possession, no matter how deep in love he was before he always hesitated about the idea of giving up but now…yeah he was knocked up in love like he never felt before and it was time to let it go…for love, to enchant that beautiful goddess into his arms hopefully forever.

Nora cried while eating a fresh melon, a freacking fresh melon, it tasted exactly like one from before the bombs and her teeths wouldn’t get so sensitive about it.

It was fresh, and watery, and sweet and…a watermelon! She never see one that wasn’t the rad ones!

-It is rare to find –said Arthur laughting at her tears

-The day I kissed you was a good that but today is even better –the man blushed at the memory and smiled silly, it make him happy see her happy.

-Gosh you have a difficult palate to satisfy

-Don’t worry you satisfy me in other ways –now he seriously blushed, but laughted too, she often made this games go to this places.

-Well it does get wet and sweet too –now she snorked over her piece of watermelon, seeds flying from the air coming out her nose, laughting hard and loud.

-Sweet? –Nora asked with her rose all red.

-Well I like…am i bad at dirty talking? I have the suspect...-everytime she does it to him he end in his knees drunk in ecstasy and when he does it she ends up laughting in no time, no fair..

-I do get a little horny actually, getting results…-when Arthur approached for a kiss she went back laughting- nononono not in front of the watermelon! After I finish ill thank you properly –her hand went up to place a cube of watermelon in front of his lips, Arthur open soft and she pushed the fruit inside, the man lick her fingers to dry all the liquid going down and she sighted at the view, hothothothotohot- I don’t tell you enough how handsome you are –her voice come out throaty and low, like it was more an internet thought than something she meant to said loud.

No, she didn’t, it was evident in bed how powerfull their attraction was but she wasn’t as vocal as him, and he was very reserved and not a man of many words.

They never said I love you, yet.

-Id love to hear it –he was right there in her web, eyes locked, gazing at each other, lips open seriously waiting for a passionate kiss, his chest moving up and down on expectation.

Nora smiled and leave the watermelon to a side for a minute with all the pain in the word but it was worth it, her sugary and sticky hands took his cheeks, he felt the coldness for a second but his stomach and chest went full warm almost instantly

-Arthur Maxson –she stated, getting more and more close, the man went forward slowly to kill distances – I would love to have such a handsome and beautiful man at my side for a long long time-his hands took her by the waist, soft, delicate, but still firm, feeling the curve of her waist and back, she gasped and close her eyes, turning the head to the side expecting a deep kiss.

-Then don’t slip from me, don’t go away, stay at my side for a long long time –Arthur sealed their lips in a kiss, one sweet, wet and warm.

They were at their element, together. Exactly were they were meant to be.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14242575/9/Follow-me-inside-the-wastelands

#paladin danse #arthur maxson #elder maxson #fallout 4 #sole survivor #makahimefanfic

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