#idk how much you lot know about GCSEs

[hawaiianpizzaenjoyer]

Duuuuuuude please make a Peggy gcse headcanon list that sounds so fun!! If you decide to do it too I'd love to be tagged in it!

AAA STOP ILYSM YOUVE LITERALLY GIVEN ME MOTIVATION FOR THIS NOW 🫶🫶

so, without further ado...

PEGGY CARTER GCSE HEADCANONS!!

!! FOR ANY NON-BRITS/PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW WHAT GCSES ARE, I'VE LINKED A WIKI ARTICLE HERE !!

!! also i know that different schools have different systems for GCSEs, but im just gonna go with what mine did :) !!

SO.

We all know Peggy had to do Maths, both of the Englishes and triple Science, but i feel like she wouldve LOVED English Lit the most. She would've definitely been one of those kids who were like best mates with their English teacher fruity behaviour?. She was also definitely one of the student librarians for her school's library.

~---💬---~

For language, I am a firm believer that Peggy did German and Latin. She probably would've picked German because Michael did (the classic familial language gcse sitch), but i also feel like she would've really liked classics in year 7 and 8 (grades 6 and 7 i think) and decided to stick with it for GCSE. I also think she didn't like French at ALL.

"Why in gods name do I have to memorise the gender of a chair?? Who decided that bloody rubbish??"

(shes so real though ngl, genders are the bane of my existence)

~---🌍---~

Like language, Peggy was probably a double humanities student. She probably did History and Geography, and her favourite topics in each would've been the Tudors for history (she would avidly defend Anne Boleyn and Katherine Howard in lessons) and the human side for Geography!! She probably looked at NY as a case study for overpopulation and rapid-rate industrialisation and rolled her eyes, muttering about what sort of madman would willingly stay in a city like that.

~---🔨---~

Lastly, her practical subject. This was a tie for me between PE and Product Design, but I realised I know nothing about GCSE PE (core pe girlies unite), so I'll go with PD for now.

Peggy definitely put her heart and soul into her NEA (non-examination assessment, basically coursework) for Product Design. By the first week, she probably had like a billion sketches done up and had started looking at materials. I feel like her mother didn't like Peggy doing a "man's subject", until Peggy built her a birdhouse that looks like their house and all was forgiven. She definitely met all her NEA deadlines on time, too. Like, she was an academic WEAPON. Even her teacher was scared of her when she was using the saws and that.

~---✏️---~

In terms of overall results, she was definitely one of those people who got all 9's (grade A**), and would probably've cried if she got an 8 (I would be too scared to tell her my results ong 😔)

In terms of A-Levels, I'd have to think about that one ngl, so if this post does well, I might do an pt2!!

~---💕---~

@captainsophiestark thank you sm for the ask and giving me motivation to actually write this out and post it 😭🙏

#peggy carter #peggy carter headcanons #agent carter #idk how much you lot know about GCSEs #so please comment any questions 🙏 #i survived gcse latin and all i got was this stupid tshirt

[ilyfynn]

mmu nation i enlist your help in giving me something to do instead of listening in biology. yes i am a halex stan and these are all secretly an excuse to write more halex. 19k is not enough. behold: my first ever poll

more info about each below (proper infodump) (I know I say that I dislike all of them but just choose)

the below all contain halex

modern murder - so I took one look at an extracurricular GCSE class (mine) and went HOW FUN WOULD IT BE IF I MADE THEM MURDER EACH OTHER because they are So Mean and I don't like it. so i jiggled the dynamics around a bit and ended up changing all the characters so now I'm left with a murder au. I planned it across a while but did most of it at 1am, and especially considering I only really write shipping fanfic idk how it is for a murder. however I plan to write all of these someday so as I actually Came Up with an idea I will persevere if needs be

flower shop au - now this was entirely an excuse to write a flower shop au because it would be so freaking cute if alex sent hazel flowers like. LIKE. can you see my 2am vision here. but ofc it's mmu so I had to mysterify it and ngl the mystery I made is kinda trash but. CAN YOU SEE MY "i-planned-this-all-in-one-go-at-12am" VISION????? overall I don't mind this au but I think there isn't much purpose to it so that's why I dislike it somewhat

5+1 - alex-centric halex au. honestly an excuse to make him fall in love again because oblivious alex for the WIN. I probably will write this one first if this poll ends up being of no use because it's plain Pining and I love that

time loop x hanahaki - now this one is one to have an excuse to make myself cry. I really like making characters die, and I really like halex, so I try to make it work whilst being realistic. unfortunately the plan for this one only exists vaguely in my head and my mind and I have disagreements about how well it would work when executed, especially since the scene I've chosen requires a lot of thinking behind the scenes (I suck at that)

do a songfic: I am notoriously good at coming up with songfics that seem really good to me but are really just awfully executed. I'm thinking message in a bottle by Taylor

come up with another one - fake dating au????? I'm thinking that because probably the most impressive and glorious fanfic I've ever read was a fake dating. love love LOVE it. though it would have to be a very long and well thought out one because I'd want to make it Perfect. additionally it would take aaaaaaaaaages to plan but when I do write it I want it to be the peak of my experience in the hyperfixation (it won't because I'll probably have thought of a better au by then)

in conclusion I dislike most of these but will write them anyways. please excuse how I hate my writing too, ARGH I need to work on that. thank you for reading I infodumped very heavily here (I pin the blame on a looooong day)

#murder most unladylike #mmu #halexander #alexander x hazel #hazel wong #alexander arcady #hazel x alexander

[elicathebunny]

BLOG UPDATE 🤍

LIFE UPDATE:

I've got a GCSE coming up so my efforts will be going towards studying for that. If you have been wondering why I have been disappearing on and off for longer periods it is for that reason. One day I could be posting consistently and the other I completely work off the face of the earth. Honestly, I've been so tired 🥲. I do love to write on this blog but I don't have the time like I used to. My life has completely been consumed by tests so I'm gonna have to find a way to create time for writing 😭.

STYLE:

I have been testing out styles throughout the history of this blog. From my Bratz theme to the 19-somethings and now my current pink theme. Honestly from the beginning, I have been drawn to pink but I never gave it a shot because idk 🙄. Let's see how long I will stick with this one, I think it's more fitting with my current likings.

POSTS:

Obviously, my posts are about self-improvement. Nothing much is changing my posts will still be the same. I'm not really planning to delve into any new content, all I will be doing is just focusing more on topics I already talk about.

SCHEDULE:

Currently, no schedule has been formed and probably won't be for a while. I used to post every day at the start and then I started posting every week, then every two weeks. I just post whenever now because It is more flexible, but obviously posting more helps this blog grow more. But for the sake of just being able to post, posting when I can is the best way to go.

WHAT HAPPENED/WILL HAPPEN TO @angelacademy?:

As you all know that was my first blog that I used to post on before restarting and moving on here. Because I have grown a lot here I do not feel the need to use the other account meaning it is no longer active. Although I might revive it and post other stuff on there I am unaware of what I will do with it. My old posts are still there and they probably are not very helpful, but I mean we all start somewhere right 😝. Me restarting that blog would mean all of the previous posts would be deleted, apart from the ones I see others like a lot or I find decently good.

#update

[thatdesklamp]

WAIT OMG-

been reading intrinsic warmth for a WHILE and your writing is top tier!! i always wondered to myself every time i’d read a chapter why the writing just STICKS, yk? i’m a MAJOR book girlie, i read 24/7.

AND THEN IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I READ ONE OF YOUR TAGS THAT YOU PUT UP ON ONE OF YOUR POSTS WHERE YOU WERE ANSWERING A QUESTION FROM ANOTHER LOVELY READER AND I SEE THAT YOU TOOK AN ENGLISH A LEVEL?

first of all (not 100% sure on this) but i’m pretty sure only british ppl take gcses, a levels, etc. YOU’RE BRITISH?

i feel like i’ve met my other half rn over something so tiny but yeah. IT LITERALLY EXPLAINS WHY YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD:

i could point out the NUMBER of times i’ve seen juxtaposition, symbolism, foreshadowing in your fic to someone if they’d asked me to point it out for them. at first i thought you might’ve done it unknowingly, and then i decided that nope, bc foreshadowing is such a BIG writing technique that it simply couldn’t have been by accident.

it’s one thing to know about a writing technique and another to actually be able to SUCCESSFULLY incorporate it into your writing. if it isn’t clear enough, i’m saying that you did it AMAZINGLY. you’ve got a natural talent and i’m envioussss (in a supporting way ofc 😭).

you should really look into making your own book, and i think you EXCEL at the supernatural aspect of plot in stories. your writing is so unique and different yet so warm, it reminds me of autumn (my favourite season).

idk how to end such a long message, ultimately i don’t have a reason for typing this up and shit. ik you have tons of people probably saying the same thing and it might just get repetitive for you, but i wouldn’t feel comfortable not being part of said bunch-of-ppl-probably-saying-the-same-thing.

oh! and take your SWEET TIME updating. it’s your story, your fic, your writing. the ONLY thing we readers can give you as a payback and thanks is time, patience, and understanding <3333

RAHHH BRITTANIA 💪💪💪💪

Agh. Yes—I’m British (English to be precise, sweet sweet caroline etc), hence the use of ‘u’s in words like ‘colour’ and ‘humour’, and also why everyone’s parents are their ‘father’ or ‘mother’ and not mum/dad. ‘Mom’ feels too American but ‘mum’ feels too rah engerland, yk? I’ve mentioned previously that I’m looking forward to writing fics where the characters are actually from England and where I’m actually allowed to write them the way I talk, mostly. Good lord am I excited.

And yes lol I took English for an A-Level. Bloody smashed it too, if I get to brag, mwahaha. Didn’t take it any further (I’ve also previously said that I’m a # woman in stem uni student, which is true), but I still write a killer essay imo. Give me 10 minutes to do a refresher on ‘Othello’ (it’s been a while okay) and I can talk for donkeys about his tragic fall and how much of a wanker he is. Which he is! I’m a Desdemona defender for life.

You say ‘natural talent’. PLS. No!! God no. Not at all. I wish—that would’ve made it a lot easier, but whatever I can do rn is down to bloody years of toiling away on my shitty little laptop, I promise. I’ve got another anon ask that asked about some writing tips so I’ll do the bulk of them there but my number 1 will always and forever be to practise. Whatever skill I have now has been earned over the many years. You don’t even want to see some of the stuff that will never grace my ao3 page (atla had me in a chokehold through covid and I have never been the same).

But you are genuinely so complimentary: this is so so lovely of you. Thank you?? It’s really weird being someone who writes and also someone who enjoys analysing literature; you’re right, half of the ‘techniques’ are intentional (the number of times I’ve flicked through some chapters’ drafts and thought, ‘fucks sake none of this makes sense, I need to add some decent foreshadowing or none of this will make sense in two chapters’), but also so much of my writing is just thinking, ‘hmm, this doesn’t really feel right. No no, I don’t like the vibe of this. I want this to feel more GRAAHHH and less lalalala. Lemme change this up a bit’. Whether that leads to the whole, short sentences->speeds up the pace of the reader when reading the section->increased tension, mimics actual fight encounter, etc etc (all the stuff you blag on about in eng lit), then maybe that counts as intentional? And maybe not.

Making my own book? That’s lovely of you to say but I also really don’t have any ideas for anything non-fanfic’y! Lol. I love a good bit of canon compliance, that’s my issue. That being said—hey, another eng a level reference—I’ve made multiple references here to being the world’s #1 ‘Atonement’ hater. Unfortunately, it also lives damn rent free in my head and I’ve got the bare bones of a WW2-era, perhaps epistolary, longform fic buzzing around. (Fandom: Marauders. I’m a disgrace but here we go). I’ve written nothing for it and maybe I never will, but that’s one of the only things I can see as being more standalone from original canon. Anyway: it’s the fanfic life for me. Ali Hazelwood’s life is but a distant dream.

But anyway! Thank you again for your lovely words. The next IW chapter will take a very long time, I have to be frank, so thank you for the reassurance that that’s not absolutely disgraceful lmao T_T Thanks again!! <3

#intrinsic warmth #I hope I have not accidentally hidden my englishness #the biggest event of this month isn’t Halloween or 1989tv — it’s the switch from bst to gmt babyy

[wqnwoos]

im not the same anon as earlier but help ur grades are amazing 😭😭 im sitting psych and english in october and can i ask what ur study schedule or method is like? how early did u start studying + what did you do?

HII thank you soo much!! i worked my arse off for those stupid grades 😭 i’ll put the tips under a cut, i really hope they help, and good luck for october!! u got this <3

find out what time u study best at!! i somehow trained myself to become a morning person (naturally i am nocturnal LMFAO) but during study season i usually wake up 4-5:30 or something. it feels so much better getting to 10am and u have the whole day in front of u and you’ve done most of the things u need to do, but that’s just me!! i have friends who worked best from like 11pm - 4 am

pomodoro technique — excellent for my adhd ass brain. i genuinely thought this technique would never work for me, avoided it like the plague, and then used it during a study group session w friends and Love it. (i use the flora app btw!! i feel too bad to kill the little plant so i always study to the end 😭) i recommend the usual 25 mins, 5 min break but it’s up to u <3

FLASHCARDS!!!!! i cannot stress this enough flashcards genuinely saved my ARSEEE especially for psychology!! i always phrase mine like a question, so that if you get something similar in the exam it kind of jogs your memory? anyway. for psych i do not recommend remaking notes, i went straight from class notes and the textbook to flashcards, and repeated them All The Time

past paper questions!!!!! unfortunately the education system is fucked and doesn’t want us to learn for the sake of learning, they want us to be parrots so!!! really recommend past paper questions.

for english literature (i’m assuming you’re taking literature and not language?? idk anything about language past gcse level i’m sorry 😭), i wouldn’t recommend writing out essay after essay; plan a bunch of past papers, write maybe one paragraph per past paper question. ummm idk if u guys have to include context and critical interpretations because i believe that differs with exam board, but we did, and i used flashcards for those too!! (also. please make sure u know the text 😭 even vaguely knowing quotes helps so much bc searching for them in the exam takes so much time)

for english my friends and i also used to time ourselves — fifteen minutes per paragraph so that you weren’t going on too long about one point, and you weren’t wasting all your time on one question.

study groups!! this is ONLY if u work well with other people if u know ur gonna get distracted then please don’t do all the time 😭 also for things like english study groups r sooo helpful because a lot of the time, other people will bring points to the table that u have never thought of (and u can do the same for them!!)

EAT WELL!!!! SLEEP WELL!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m so serious . if u don’t do this then nothing will go well. idgaf what time u sleep because maybe you’re more productive at 1am - 4am, but make sure ur getting ENOUGH sleep. and don’t skip meals. pleaaaaseee don’t skip meals.

i also used to use a lot of mindmaps for english, for themes / characters / context!!

for psych i also used to do blurting — writing as much as i know about one topic, going back and adding everything j missed in a different colour <3

OKAY that is allllll i can think of right now!! if u need anything else pls slide into my dms or jump back into my inbox i am happy to help !!! good luck with exams bb i know ur gonna crush them 💗💗💗

#asks #anon #study tips #sorry idk how helpful this was because. exam boards differ and stuff. #OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER this is what worked for me it might not work for everyone

[wiggledforsquiggled]

15Qs for 15 Friends

tagged by both @sherlock-is-ace and @vroombeams (many thanks !! :D)

Are you named after anyone?

Not to my knowledge, my parents just picked a name they liked (i was the one to tell them the meaning of it actually lmao)

When was the last time you cried?

Last week i Sobbed my eyes out at the series 2 finale of Astrid et Raphaëlle. Literally crying like a baby the entire second half of the episode (it wasn’t even a Sad episode. just very meaningful and well written.)

Do you have any kids?

Nope lmao. I would like them in the future tho!

What sports do/have you played?

So many! The mains ones were Netball and Lacrosse - i love playing sports so much, team ones esp. Dodgeball was also a fav of mine.

Do you use sarcasm?

I’m much less sarcastic than i think i am. I have issues picking up on sarcasm, so when i do you it i try to be really obvious about it. I mostly succeed.

What’s the first thing you notice about a person?

Like if i’m walking past a stranger? Probably whatever jacket/coat they’re wearing. Meeting someone face to face? Probably their facial composition (like distance between features). No idea why but it’s a theme. Noses are fun idk

What’s your eye colour?

Solid Brown. Looks cool in the light tho!

Scary Movies or Happy Endings?

The only horror film i’ve rly watched in Tusk and i really don’t know if i enjoyed it or not. I am also not a fan of Zombies or Werewolves (freak me out) so more often happy endings!

Any Talents?

If you don’t count my ability to spreadsheet (how dare thee) i’ll say im quite naturally athletic, as well as gaining muscle and fitness quite quickly. other than that uhh no idea

Where were you born?

Somewhere in the land of Angles.

What are your hobbies?

Spreadsheeting! Genuinely I must spend at least 15h a week on excel having fun. That and reading fanfiction on AO3 are my main go tos if i have free time.

Do you have any pets?

Nope but i Really want an Italian grey hound or Borzoi in the future. look them up i have a Need to own one. plz.

How tall are you?

179cm! I have been tall my entire life and v happy about it.

Favourite Subject in School?

Purely academically, definitely Maths. esp at GCSE it was plain fun to do (helped that i sat next to my best friend too) and past that i think i just have a brain suited for it. Second Order Non-Homogenous Equations my Beloved

Dream Job?

I do not dream of labour or however that quote goes, but Ideally i’d like to use excel a lot. i wish i were kidding. I did want to be an accountant when i was like 7 so I’ll go w that.

tagging: @toilethamster @simplydm @siryyeet @ininininininstayoutstayout @russilton @hecksee @starsandfluff and whoever else. no pressure ofc!

#wiggles asks #thank u for the tags sm !! this was a Blasr

[hella1975]

what’s your opinion on the british education system hella

bleugh!

i mean i think it could definitely be worse but i also think 'the british education system' is wayyyyyy too broad a term for something that is completely different based on your background. like i bet to the kids who went private the whole way and therefore got all the necessary support PLUS tutoring that they needed and ultimately came out with the best possible grades, the education system is just stellar and cant be faulted. but the truth is most schools (aka state education) are underfunded and overcrowded and the teachers cant afford the time nor money to focus on the individuals as they ought to and it leaves a LOT of kids (typically the ones who need help most) to slip through the cracks of education. it's why we have such a bad poverty cycle here. britain's very foundations rely on the classism that defined us CENTURIES ago and it shows.

but in terms of like, how i feel about it being divided into gcses, a-levels and degree level kind of thing, i think it's alright. gcses were a VERY miserable time of my life and i do think too much pressure is put on literal children to learn a frankly ridiculous amount of information for a two month exam period of 20+ exams (i mean have you SEEN america they have exams where the teachers literally give them REVISION SHEETS. the dream), so that could definitely stand to chill the FUCK out. i also have personal beef with the concept of a-levels because really???? 18 months to learn three subjects (minimum) at a higher more in depth level than you did at gcses where you get five years to prepare??? this is fuelled mainly by the fact that i went to a college that not only wasnt connected to a secondary school so therefore the teachers literally did not give a fuck about you bc they just didn't even get the chance to learn their students bc we'd all be gone again in two years time, but was also Underfunded with a capital U like it was the only college in my small town and was where ALL of the state school kids went from EVERY STATE SCHOOL. to this one place. that didn't have enough money. it was a fucking shambles and with covid we were all just dead in the water so idk how much of my beef with a-levels is valid and how much of it is me just bitterly waving my fist at the sky.

degrees are sound though. like i know i slate my degree bc the SUBJECT is abysmal, but the way they work is pretty good and students are actually pretty well supported. the support system at my uni is fucking stellar too so i have no complaints. i just wish i was doing literally any other subject lmao.

anyway. i know you're prepping for exams atm so i feel like you definitely have some feelings about this lol, how's it going?

#i literally got told i have actual anxiety PURELY because of exam stress so pls feel free to rant if you need #like the uni made me go to therapy for it that's the whole reason im even in counselling LMAO #i know better than anyone how much they can genuinely ruin your life #it's hard bc it's something EVERYONE does so you almost feel like a baby if you stress bc it's almost... not your stress? #like it's a group stress not an individual stress and you have no right to claim that yours is worse #but that's bollocks bc everyone handles it differently and everyone has different standards to meet #and it's just generally a shit time #there's zero judgement here <3 #ask

[morningstargirl666]

Tagged by @garglyswoof and @purplesigebert. I honestly don’t rewatch films as much nowadays, since I just watch a LOT of films in general and don’t have any remaining time to rewatch stuff as well. But I do have a load of comfort movies I think, so here we go.

Top 10 Comfort Movies (in no particular order)

1. Ever After (1998) Because Gabby made an excellent point, that movie is amazing, it’s pretty historically accurate and has some good moral life lessons thrown in. Cinderella movies, just in general, are a comfort movie for me, and I went through a phase when I was younger of just watching every variation ever made (even the shitty versions, much to my horror).

2. A Cinderella Story (2004) Again, it’s a cinderella movie, and an iconic one at that. I’m a secret romantic at heart.

3. Deathnote (2017) Yes I realise this was generally hated by all. But this was my first introduction to Death Note (I binge watched the anime series straight after don’t worry) and whatever your grievances for this movie, William Dafoe is brilliant at whatever he does, and playing Ryuk is no different. For a live action adaptation, I thought the design of Ryuk was pretty spot on and beautifully terrifying, and although the storyline crosses over into cheesy American, it’s easy to watch. Which is why it ended up as a comfort movie for me while I was taking my GCSEs - I often put it on in the background while working on my art coursework.

4. The Day After Tomorrow (2004) Here’s the thing guys - disaster movies are my comfort movies. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the bitter, Gen-Z in me, but I enjoy watching the world descend into chaos and destruction. They’re easy to watch, the good guys often prevail against the ruthless attack of nature herself in the end, and idk, I like seeing a little death, a little fire. I’m just made different. Sometimes the shittier the disaster movie the better, so I’m talking things like Greenland (2020), Geostorm (2017) etc. That being said, zombie movies also fall into this category, just love all kinds.

5. White House Down (2013) Along the similar vein as disaster movies, I love the-government-is-under-attack movies, so the Olympus Has Fallen (2013) trilogy too. Just something about very American, cheesy action movies that are just easy to watch, require no brain power, and are just a fun ride.

6. Don’t Look Up (2021) Did I mention disaster movies are my jam? This one is pretty political, but I’m British, so I think I also enjoyed it so much because I can just sit to the side, eating my popcorn, and watch as the shitshow enfolds like the chaos gremlin I am, with no true existential crisis about how doomed my country is. 

7. Inglorious Basterds (2009) Quentin Tarantino is an amazing filmmaker on a whole, and although gory, brutal and - let’s face it - a little crazy, his movies are always a blast to watch. And you get to see the characters kill a load of Nazis, inlcuding Hitler, so it’s a win win.

8. Love Actually (2003) Felt obligated to put another rom-com on here because I can be a normal person and watch rom-coms for comfort (I promise). It’s also a christmas movie, so like will only watch it around December, but eh, still counts.

9. The Impossible (2012) Another disaster movie, but it’s a true story this time, and I’ve re-watched this one a lot. It’s sad and angsty yes, but there’s something hopeful about the family reuniting after such a traumatic event, and how humanity comes together in crisis to help each other.

10. The Batman (2022) Maybe it’s become a comfort movie because I’ve rewatched it so many times for my dissertation but I really love this film, and I can’t get enough of it. I just love every aspect about it. And will get a craving where I’m like ‘I need to watch The Batman again’. And so I do.

Lol and that’s it. I will say I tend to watch Friends now if I want something on in the background, or just something to cheer me up. That’s my all-time piece of comfort media I tend to watch. Otherwise, these also work. And I love them all.

#tag game #comfort movies #i know I'm weird #but in my defence character death doesn't bother me #nor does gore or murder #unless its the dog that dies #then its war #but otherwise I'm chill watching anything #and that transfers over to my taste in comfort movies okay

[seongclb]

Hiii, i’m from the UK so do you have any tips for gcses? I just started year 11 and I noticed you did really well !!!

hihi omgggg im fully prepared for this since i legit had to do an assembly about my tips for the year 11s and 10s HAHAHAH

since this will be pretty lengthy…

okay so these are my subjects and the grade i got in them:

maths -> 9

english lit -> 9

english lang -> 9

history -> 9

religious studies -> 9

business -> 8

spanish -> 8

further maths -> 8

physics -> 8

chemistry -> 7

biology ->

so since you’re in year eleven already, it’ll be quite similar to how i achieved these grades!

i didn’t start revising like that until like the end of the summer that was going into year eleven, so the summer you just had but even if you didn’t start revising during then, you still have time! don’t panic yet!!!

firstly, just have a look at each specification of your subjects and print them out/make a digital checklist because it’ll be really easy to identify your weak spots. you still have until mid may so if you start covering weak spots then by mid february you should be fine. speaking as someone who messed around a lot in year 10, if your notes are good enough or even if you start to pay so much attention in those extra revision classes, they’ll really really benefit you.

for maths and sciences, practise questions are your best shot honestly. for maths as well, most of the exam boards have a cycle of questions they use so if you familiarise yourself with the questions they’ve used since 2017, you’re guaranteed a 7 already but make sure to go over all the topics of the questions you get wrong! then for sciences, learning the language that the examiners like is so important because the marks you miss out can literally be that you didn’t centralise it around a keyword - that can jeopardise your entire sequence of questions.

now for the english subjects. starting off with literature: i always found it good to be engaged with discussions about the texts in class to keep myself from getting boring bc then you can miss out on so many key grade nine concepts! so make sure you do listen out for those and read model answers from people who’ve gotten like full marks! these will not only help you with structure and quotes but it’ll help you with learning the grade nine language because there’s a huge difference between even the grade seven and grade nine answers.

for english language, technique is the most important thing to master. after all, the exam is assessing how you can understand technique so learning how to spot them and analyse them are so important. there are a few that are always repeated no matter the text so make sure you familiarise yourself with those too!

for religious studies, i always found this to be easy since i would put my source of authorities (the holy quotes) on a flashcards with what they link to on the other side but idk tbh my teacher was js really good for religious studies! she made us booklets for preparing ourselves for any type of question and she predicted a bunch of the questions. but my tip would be to just stay focused and make sure your notes are good and minimal because you don’t really need a lot.

for business my tho is the same, my notes were just really good and clear but also make sure you know how to answer big questions!

spanish, i used menrise for fifteen minutes every day until like a month before the exam and i started using it for an hour every day. and i memorised complex structures, imperfect tense like all the grade 9 stuff. i practised writing it and then i spoke it and for listening and reading i would get my friends to help me. for instance, i’d read and translate something my friend wrote which would also help us identify any mistakes. and for listening, we would speak to each other and translate it which was also good for preparing for the speaking exam!

history was my favourite, and my teacher was AMAZING! but for history understanding the links between time periods is very good. also, understanding the link between cause, event and consequence is very helpful as it minimises information. for my 20 markers i got full marks consistently and in the exams, so what i can say about those are to make sure your writing flows very smoothly and learn tips to write sophisticatedly as the whole point of the top hand answers are the elegant answers rather than throwing dates and information - they’re a sequence of detailed sentences to argue a point after all.

further maths was so hard idek how i got an 8, i just practised questions and prayed so much..

i think i covered everything but ensuring you have a timetable is so important. i know many people who did well but didn’t have the same timetable as me which is fine but i’ll share mine:

at the beginning of the year, around the end of september, i would wake up at half five and revise for about two hours until i started getting ready for school. then when i got home, from six to eight was all my homework and extra work.

when it got closer to exam season, my hours would bulk up to waking up at half four and starting after school studying at half five and finishing at half nine. but remember these included BREAKS. breaks are so important or you’ll get burned out!! i’ve seen it happen.

i also had one day a week where i would only study for about two hours, at any time if the day, and for the rest of it i would treat myself or just relax ! this was so important for a balance and i kept it up until the very end of my exams. if you don’t have this day, you’ll literally fry your brain and get exhausted.

i hope my tips helped! don’t wear yourself out, start little by little every day and i’m always here if you need help with anything else! good luck and remember to have time for fun, year eleven only comes around once. good grades are important but they aren’t the be all and end all.

#💌 : opened ! #anons #resources #this is rlly unorganised but i need to sleep

[garfieldsladybird]

theme is so pretty!!!! icba to link things so here’s like a clear up of everything :)))

my october tests aren’t my gcses (the big ones) - they happen in march-y time, but my mocks are in november and i’m scared af because my teachers haven’t decided what they’re on yet (this years work or everything since last sept)

i have technically two skirts and around six shirts and then two sports kits (a top and skort for summer and winter) summer is white, winter is blue :) (one of my everyday skirts is stitched up a few inches, but the other isn’t so i just have one th at i wear :)) tehehe)

i have my rescue remedy thingys (the sweets / candy) but i’m trying not to use them until nov / match so i don’t get used to them 👀

my grades that i do get (in oct) soon are my atl (attitude to learning - 1 is the best, 2 is mid, 3-4 bitch you’re in trouble) and that’s just how you are in class / hw being done

i then get graded as well and they changed it last year to correspond with gcse grades (so 9 is best 5 is pass 4-1 fail) they give you what level you are rn and what you should be aiming for (usually a grade or two higher)

yeh reason from a change of a,b,c etc to 9-1 is because certain sixth forms / universities have a rule that you need a certain number, so when you add all your numbers up you can see if you get in! i learned this reasonably recently and it makes a lot more sense.

phew that was a lot - sending love!! also i got a really angry dm by that kinda sort of racist boy on friday and THAT was interesting 👀

sending love ❤️

also also i made lockscreens for my phone and ipad since i saw a harry styles one but wanted a taylor one that no one had tehe and i think they’re kinda cute 🥰

also also also i changed my url slightly since icedfaeriie sounded a bit like a costa coffee ☕️

yes thank you!! <33

oh okay thats more understandable. that it’s at the end of the year. which one do you hope the teachers choose tho?

that’s cool how they change the colors!  that’s pretty sweet! i why though… mhmmm. I wish I had some skirts- anyways, slayyy!!! youuu!! :DDD yeha but do you actually wear it? isn’t your school very strict..? i remember you telling me something about them not allowing like any makeup. :/ but i mean slayy!! though :DDD

that’s great!! hopefully they can/do last and/or maybe you can get more!

that’s a whole different system of what and how you are getting graded. like whoa-

that is great!! like honestly that sounds so smart to do and it sounds so useful too! i dont got much to say on six because I understand it but I don’t.

what I want to say is that basically for me at keeping up with assignments. homework and all of that. yk. I procrastinate on it a lot. but i now know that it’s okay to ask for help and if you were to get like a bad score on a test, it’s okay because it’s a learning experience, learn what you got wrong and mistaken and learn from it. but next time study. —

okay whatever. idk. but I’m not saying that you need to like ask for help or anything I’m just saying I don’t put so much pressure on yourself to get above and beyond. do the best your ability and if they do not like it then learn. yeah :)

i’m very high right now and it’s 5 AM. i’m gonna try going to bed. goodnight and good morning!! if none of this makes sense to you please ignore all of it :$)

😽💗🫶

also I’m sending so much love to you!!! wait so you made a Taylor Swift lock screen? that’s amazing!!! i’m loving all of her songs right now!! yes I did notice that you changed your url, because of so I had to go and re-change the link on my moot page which was perfectly fine ofc!! I just wanted to tell you!! anyways I love you 💗 hope you have a great day, make sure to stay hydrated and just know that you are perfect, wonderful and beautiful!!! <333

MWAHHHHHH!!!! 😽😽😽

#garfield answers 🦖 #— ν𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾 ⛳️

[forever-after-that]

Here’s a compilation of all the texts we can see between Nick and Charlie throughout the season :)

Episode 2

Charlie: Thank you x

Nick: Are you feeling okay?

C: yeah, I’m fine, don't worry 😊

N: You sure??

You can talk to me about it if you want 

Sounds like a pretty serious situation

But you don't have to

If you don’t want to 

But I am your friend and I do care

C: well it started last september.

he never actually wanted to be my boyfriend

i guess he was just using me

sorry... i know he’s your friend

N: Well he’s definitely not anymore!!!!

GOD I hate him so much

Please don’t ever talk to him again

C: thank you for being my supportive straight friend haha

N: Lol that's okay!!!

If he ever comes near you again I’ll kick his ass

C: ❤️

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

N: I messaged you first!!

I like talking to you

Also I’m so booooored

I have this geography project to do

C: ew why did you pick geography gcse

N: Because I’m an idiot

What did you pick??

C: music, latin, spanish, classics

N: You picked four???

Omg you are smart

Also you can’t criticise me for having geography when you do LATIN

C: okay okay true

you can figure how to solve global warming

while I learn a dead language

N: Seriously why Latin

C: because it’s cool

N: Wow

I am judging you so hard right now

C: ffs i promise I'm cool actually

N: Nope you have been exposed as a NERD

C: rude!!!!!!!!

N: A cool nerd?

C: that's better

N: lmao

...

N: I mean I thought I was but now idk

C: we’re gonna have to have a mario kart tournament aren't we

N: I think we are

C: it’s ON

N: Anywayyyy I have to sleep now

it’s so late haha

C: omg it is i didn’t even notice 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

N: Thank you for your sacrifice 

C: you would owe me though

N: Hahaha should I be worried

C: perhaps 👀

N: Oh no

C: okay got to sleep now

N: I’m going!! I promise!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 7

C: only a little bit!!!!!!!

N: Okay maybe a lot

C: ❤️❤️❤️

N: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

...

C: can we meet for lunch tomorrow?

N: Yeah of course!! You ok?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Episode 8

N: Charlie what's going on? Please talk to me ❤️

#I need all of their messages released #give me the cute late night talks🔫 #heartstopper #nick nelson #charlie spring #kit connor #joe locke

[enthusiasticharry]

The Secrets You Keep

summary: you're a stripper, and you meet Harry off shift. what happens when he finds out?

request: hiiii would you be able to do something like stripper y/n? not where they meet at the club or anything but something natural like at a cafe or something but she keeps it from him bc she thinks he’ll leave her? then he has a guys night at the strip club and sees her perform? but he loves it and she’s a bit embarrassed? idk but that kinda vibe if ur up for it! X

word count: 8.3k words of fluff, smut and angst if you squint (and i really mean squint) also not proofread, sorry! 

masterlist    |    asks

It never occurred to you that once you left full time education you’d end up becoming a stripper. It wasn’t the occupation you had envisioned for yourself, but it was the one that paid the best money and even though it shouldn’t be — money was the thing that you needed the most. You lived in a small, one bedroom flat that you shared with your Grandma who had no income and little pension meaning that you was the only source of income for the two of you. Obviously it was hard upon you, but your Grandma had done so much for you when you were younger that you wanted to help her as much as you possibly could. Granted, finding a job as an eighteen year old that was enough to help pay the bills and for the treatment your Grandmother needed wasn’t the easiest, and that was how you stumbled across the club and the jobs there. Your Grandma didn’t know how you received your income, and you planned to keep it that way for as long as you physically could. 

“Have you got any private dances today?” Jocelyn, also known as Sapphire amongst the people in the club, asked as she started fixing her makeup in the mirror next to yours. 

“I don’t know.” You sighed, spraying a small amount of hairspray upon your curls, “I haven’t spoken to Elliot yet.” 

“Apparently some big shot businessmen are coming in tomorrow.” Ruby adds from the other side of you, applying a lipstick that matched her name to her lips. 

“Ugh.” Sapphire groaned, “That means old men with small dicks wanking to us instead of being with their probably very lovely, loving wives at home.” 

“They lust after the taboo.” You add, applying a small amount of lipgloss to your lips, “They want what they can’t have, and brag when they get it.” 

“They have money though.” Ruby shrugged, “Haven’t had many tips this week. I’d probably do anything for a couple hundred quid tomorrow.” 

“Not anything Ruby.” You turn to look at her, shaking your head at the younger girl, “Stand your ground. Don’t let them take advantage of you.” 

“I won’t.” She smiled, “I learnt from the best.” 

“And don’t you forget it.” 

As a fresh eighteen year old, just as Ruby was now, you could’ve only hoped for someone to help you and guide you through the trails and tribulations you endured at the club. That’s why you sort of took the younger girl under your wing and helped her as much as possible. 

It wasn’t a lot. Granted, with what they did the majority of it was on their own upon the stage or in a private dance but you wanted to make sure she had small tips to help her handle herself in any situation that could occur and that she someone to talk to if she ever needed it. 

“Are you working tomorrow, Emerald?” Emerald was your stage name. 

“No.” You sigh happily, “It’s my day off.” 

“Enjoy yourself, you deserve it.” Ruby smiled. 

You certainly did. 

The next morning, after helping your Grandma get ready and to the hospital, you make your way towards the small café you usually went to during your Grandmother’s chemo sessions. They usually lasted around three hours, and whilst you offered to stay with her, she usually forced you to leave and spend some time on your own, claiming she didn’t want you to see her at her worst.

The spring days had just started to warm up, so you dressed yourself in a summer dress you had picked up for cheap at a charity shop. You carried your tote bag with your book in over your shoulder as you pushed past the people on the street.

It wasn’t usually this busy, and looking around you saw no free tables but a few free chairs dotted around. Your favourite table, tucked away in the far right corner by the window had been taken by a man sat reading, just as you would’ve been. You toy back and forth with the idea of going to sit over there as you walk over to the counter. 

You order your usual, a peach iced tea, and wait for the kind barista to make it. Your free days, usually, landed sporadically. They normally occurred when your grandmother either had chemo or a hospital appointment and that’s only because she can sometimes be really ill after them and needed you to look after her. Even though Elliot was not a good person by any means, he understood your situation and did help as little as he could. 

“Excuse me.” The man looked up from this book at you, “Is this seat taken?” 

“Uh. . .” 

“It’s fine if it’s not!” Your quick to add, “There’s just no other seats.” 

“No.” Your smile falters, “No! I mean that the seats not taken. It’s yours.” 

“Thank you.” You drop your tote bag down on the floor, holding your hand out to the man, “I’m YN.” 

“Harry.” He shakes your outstretched hand. 

There was something oddly familiar about him, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on why. He dressed quite casually, a punny t-shirt that said something about health on it and you didn’t want to seem too weird and bend down to look at what he had on his bottom half but you suspected it was something just as interesting. 

You take your book out of your bag and place it on the table in front of you, flicking through the pages until you found the page you had left off at. 

As a child you loved to read. Your grandmother always read you a bedtime story before bed and it lead to English being your best subject at school. Whether it be the creative writing aspect, or the analytic — you were just good at it. It was your highest grade at GCSE, an A, and your highest grade at A Level, a B.

You didn’t exchange any more words with Harry the entire time you were there. Periodically you looked up at him, and somewhere deep down you hoped that he did the same for you but you couldn’t be too sure. The book that he was reading seemed interesting enough, something about watermelon, you had noticed. You had a slight suspicion that it wasn’t about watermelon but you could never be too sure you supposed. 

A whine almost escaped your lips when you realised that you had to go pick up your Grandmother and your book had just gotten interesting. That was the problem when you read, you could sit and do it for hours and not even look up. It was something so interesting to you that you could immerse yourself in a world different to the one you lived in and slip out of reality for however long and return back to normal as though nothing had happened. 

“Thank you for letting me sit here.” You smile as you pack your bag up, “Goodbye.” 

“Bye.” 

You left feeling sort of fuzzy inside. You hadn’t spoken to the man at all really, but he was kind and certainly handsome with his tousled brown hair and gentle smile. That was probably going to be the last time that you saw him, and you probably should’ve asked for his number at least but you didn’t and that was why you walked away with him laying heavy upon your mind.

The next day, you wanted nothing more than to leave in the middle of your shift and curl up on the sofa. Instead, you were stood in a private room in the back of the club swirling your hips for a man sat upon a chair in the middle. 

“You’re fucking fit.” He moans, and you almost throw up in your mouth. 

“Thank you.” 

You move yourself so you’re hovered over his lap, twisting your hips to beat of the sultry song spilling out of the speakers. If you didn’t need the money, or have a bills to pay you certainly wouldn’t be doing this. 

“Fucking sort.” That’s when his hand drops down upon your behind, squeezing the flesh harshly. 

You stand up, flipping around so that you’re looking at him, “Hands off.” 

“Babe.” He throws his head back, “C’mon I’ve paid bags for this dance.” 

“And you pay for a dance, and the rules state no touching.” 

He holds his hands up in surrender, “I’m sorry. Won’t happen again, babe.” 

“Better not.” 

It does, and that’s when you get up and leave. He still has to pay, which is a plus but it just isn’t the best feeling. The job you do isn’t one that people necessarily respect you for, but there are rules in place to help with that. You and the other dancers within the club were human beings and deserved the rights that any other person has. 

“You okay?” Ruby presses her hand to your shoulder as you powder your under-eyes, “I heard he was touching.” 

“Yeah.” You smile at her through the mirror, “Started behind and they he just full on groped me.” 

“Men are pigs.” 

“I second that statement.” You laugh, “But you know what they’ll say.” 

“That we teased and antagonised them to do it.”

Throwing her a deadpan look, you nod. It was something that you had dealt with for the past six years of your life and even though you did hate it and wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you up every time it happened — you had gotten used to it. 

“Did you have a nice day off yesterday?” 

“I did thank you.” You smile, “Read a bit. Spent some time with my Grandma.” 

“Sounds lovely.” Her face then twists into one that you can’t quite pinpoint, “You didn’t miss much here.” 

“The businessmen not up too much?” 

“No they paid well.” She nodded, “We just had to watch them wank their micropenises at us.” 

You curl your nose up at the thought, “That sounds pleasant.” 

“Totally.” She snorts. 

“Emerald. Ruby.” Elliot sticks his head into the room, “Get your asses back out there.” 

Ruby rolls her eyes and you laugh. Your job certainly wasn’t your favourite but some of the people around you made it more pleasant.

Two weeks later you find yourself sat in the corner of the café down the road from the hospital, your book open in front of you and a peppermint tea sat upon the table in a pot. Your Grandmother’s second round of chemo was slowly coming to the end of its stint and even though you wanted nothing more than for her to be back to the epitome of health, you would miss spending time at this small café. 

“Hi.” You lift your head up to see Harry stood there, slightly breathless, “Is this seat taken?” 

“It’s yours.” You smile, watching him drop his book on the table.

This time you could see his entire outfit. A white t-shirt with some writing on that you missed, a floral shirt over the top paired with red corduroy flares. You were right the last time that you met him —he did have an amazing sense of style. You, however, bought whatever was the cheapest or on sale that seemed acceptable to wear in public. 

“How have you been?” 

“I’ve been okay.” You smile, “You?” 

“Good, thanks.” He scratches the base of his neck, “I haven’t seen you in a while.” 

“Oh.” You have to stop yourself from smiling too much, “I only come when my Grandma has an appointment and they’re usually two weeks apart.” 

“Ah.” He nods before his face curls, “I’m sorry if that seemed creepy.” 

“It didn’t.” You can’t help the butterflies that erupt within your stomach, “I just thought I wouldn’t see you again.” 

“Couldn’t let that happen.” Heat rises up your neck as he beams.

“No complaints about that from me.” 

“That’s good.” He rests his hand upon his chest, letting out a deep breath, “Thought I was punching a little over my weight.” 

“You’re not.” You cheeks hurt from smiling, “It’s cute.” 

He looks down at his book. He seemed so shy, as though he had a confidence to talk to people but once they complimented him or something to do with him it completely changed. It was intriguing. He was already nicer to you than most people you’ve met of the opposite sex in your life and you’re let to learn anything about him apart from the fact that he reads Bukowski and likes black coffee — it certainly wasn’t much to go on. 

“How long do we have until you have to go back to your Grandma?” 

“Not long.” You sigh sadly, “I’m sorry.” 

“No, I understand, it’s okay.” He flashes you a small smile, “Can I walk you back to the hospital?” 

You ponder his offer for a second, “Yeah. I’d like that.”

You walk back to the hospital brushing arms with one of the nicest people you’d ever met, and you couldn’t be happier. 

“Has your Grandma been having treatment for long?” 

“It’s her second round.” You explained, “They originally removed the tumour and it went away but it came back. They caught it quickly and she’s back in bay 11 for three hours every two weeks.” 

“I’m sorry.” He sighs, “That must’ve been tough.” 

You shrug, “She’s a fighter, I know she is.” 

“I don’t doubt she is.” He smiles, “She’s got an amazing granddaughter to stay alive for.” 

The walk to the hospital isn’t long enough in your opinion. You speak about a few things, and you learn he does music and that’s when you put two and two together and realise that he’s actually Harry Styles from One Direction. Harry wished he could’ve recorded your reaction when you realised. 

Harry had never met someone like you, and he had met a lot of people in his life. You were sweet, and kind and so gentle but also confident and held yourself in such a strong way that he couldn’t help but want to know you, the real you. 

“This is it.” You stop in front of the entrance closest to the chemo ward, “Thank you for walking me.” 

“It’s no problem.” He smiles, “I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but can I get your number?” 

“Uh. . . yeah.” 

“Great.” He beams, “At least now I won’t have to hope you show up at the café.” 

You swear you felt your heart burst. 

During your shift a couple of weeks later, you don’t notice your phone light up a message. You actually don’t notice at all until you arrived home that night. You had already checked on your Grandma, who was sound asleep in bed, and that’s when you allowed yourself to drop down upon the sofa with a sigh. 

Seeing an unknown number pop up on your screen at first had confused you, but once you had looked further into it, your palms started sweating. 

Hi YN. It’s Harry. I know it’s been a while but I’ve been trying to figure out what to say. I hope you and your Grandma are well. 

Your heart starts to beat faster. The message you had awaited for weeks was here and you had no idea how to act, never mind what too reply back with. The only thing that spiralled around within your mind was that he had been thinking about you. 

In your head, you imagined him pacing around in his large house trying to figure out what to send you, just like they do in the movies. You at least hoped that was what he had been doing over the past couple of weeks. 

Hi Harry! It’s lovely to hear from you, sorry it’s late. I’m okay, Grandma’s getting there. How are you? 

You throw your phone down on the sofa next to you, trying not to giggle like you did as a schoolgirl whenever you were messaging boys. You nearly cried whenever you phone ran out of credit and you’d end up having to run to the store to get a top up in the morning with your spending money and explaining to them what had happened. You were thankful that your upgrade didn’t need that. 

I’m okay. Glad to hear about your Grandma. I know this is probably really weird and totally out of the blue, but are you free this weekend? I’m leaving next week for a little while and I really want to see you before I do. 

In your head, you ignore the end of the message about him leaving and focus on the fact that he wants to see you. Harry Styles wants to see you. You hoped it was a date, everything pointed it to be a date but you didn’t want get too ahead of yourself. 

You haven’t had a boyfriend since your first year of Sixth Form, and the first date you were going on since then was going to be with Harry Styles of all people. 

If you pull some strings, work an extra long shift on Saturday and please some of Elliot’s special clients — you may be able to get Friday night off. It was a maybe, but over the next two days you could make it a yes. You hoped that you could make it a yes. 

You’ve never, in your six years of working at the club, missed any of your shifts for anything other than your Grandma suddenly falling ill, and those were on rare occasions. You certainly deserved this day off.

I’ll have to check with my boss but I think I could do Friday night? If that’s not a problem for you. 

You have to bite your lip to stop yourself from internally freaking out. 

Sounds perfect. How about I pick you up at 8? 

You wince. It wasn’t as though your were embarrassed of where you lived because you weren’t. You’ve worked hard to be able to pay for the flat and everything in it but there was something about showing it to someone who you’ve only just met and had no intention of explaining your situation to wasn’t on the top of your priority list. 

Is there any chance I could meet you somewhere? 

Of course. Where do you fancy eating? Italian? Thai? 

Italian sounds good. 

Great. I’ll send you details over. 

Thank you :) 

See you then, YN. Sweet dreams. 

Night, Harry. 

You slept well that night. 

“I just don’t think I can spare you Friday.” Elliot sighs, “I’m sorry YN.” 

You have to stop yourself from wanting to cry. You don’t use up all your holiday days, and you work way more than you should or that you’re paid for but you don’t complain and you just get on with it. The one time you ask for a shift off, his stubborn ass says that he cant do it. 

“Please, Elliot.” You sign, tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear, “I just need this day off.” 

“And I need my best girl on the floor. Need the best of the best.” 

“There are plenty of other better girls than me working here.” 

He shakes his head, “You’re the favourite, YN. Need you to be there.” 

“Elliot.” You sigh, leaning forward in the uncomfortable seat you were sat in, “I’ve worked for you for six years and I’ve never asked for a day off like this before.” 

“Yeah but—”

“—and! I’ve never asked for a day off apart from going to the hospital and you know that.” 

“I couldn’t exactly say no to you—”

“I’ve worked every shift you’ve ever asked me to, covered for people when you need it.” 

“Stop it!” He holds his hand up to silence you, “Just shut up for a second.” 

You clamp your lips shut. If you didn’t need to stay on his good side to get Friday off you probably would’ve said something about how rude he was being. He’d always been rude, but he paid you and the rest of the girls so you all chose to ignore it. 

He ponders, and you know the cogs are turning within his brain as he scrolls through his laptop, typing a few things. He takes his glasses off his face and drops them dramatically down on the table in front of him. 

“Ruby will cover your shift.” 

You let out a sigh of relief, “Thank you!” 

“Don’t be thanking me too quickly.” He points his finger, “I need a favour from you.” 

“Anything. Well not anything.” 

“In a few weeks times there’s a big birthday party coming in.” He explains, “I need you to be the star of the show, do private dances and all the good things like that.” 

“Just that?” You ask, knowing that it could be a trap knowing Elliot’s track record. 

He nods, “Just that.” 

You look at him sceptically, “What’s the catch?” 

“No catch.” He holds his hands up, “A few big names are coming, that’s all. A list celebs that have asked to use the back exit.”

“That’s it?” 

“That’s it.” 

“Let me know the date and I’ll do it.” 

You stand up, happy that you’ve managed to get your shift tomorrow off and that you can go on the date you have been excited for since you met Harry and was introduced to the world with him in it. 

“Have fun at your thing Friday.” 

“Thank you. . .?” 

You don’t think you like Elliot being nice to you. 

Friday night rolled around quickly and you were thankful for that. After helping your Grandma with her own dinner and into bed, you start getting ready. You curl your hair, brushing it out until its in what looks like effortless waves but are actually quite hard waves to achieve. You do natural makeup, something completely different to makeup you usually wear in one of your shifts. You try to keep all of your features soft, different to how you usually look on a day to day basis. You dress in a long white polka-dotted maxi skirt, paired with a thin long-sleeved jumper that would keep you warm due to the ever changing British weather. 

You had done a little bit of research on the restaurant Harry had sent you the address for and learnt that it wasn’t the most expensive restaurant ever, but one that was way out of your price range. It meant that you had to dip into the fund that you keep for occasions where you need a little extra money or you will use in the future when you eventually move out and busy your own place. 

The tube was crammed, seeing as though it was a Friday night and the majority of people were either coming home from work and stating to go out for end of the week drinks. You knew that the club would start to become heaving as the night grew and a part of you was thankful that you didn’t have to work today, and you were given a small break from the hell that is working at a strip club. 

The restaurant, when you arrived, definitely looked fancier than it had online. The bar stood against the corner wall, the right hand side of the restaurant had booths covering the walls whilst stand alone tables scattered around the rest of the room.

You were surprised when you saw Harry, already sat at the booth in the far right corner. He lifted his hand up in an awkward sort of wave and you couldn’t help but beam at him. He had a shirt, an expensive looking white shirt with a yellow and blue jumper over the top. You hand felt so excited to see someone since when your Grandma went into hospital for her tumour being removed and you couldn’t see her for a few days. 

“YN.” He sighs, “Hi.” 

“Hi.” You smile, slipping into the booth across from him. 

“Was starting to think you wasn’t going to show up.” 

“I’m sorry.” You tuck your hair behind your ear, “I underestimated how bust the tube was going to be.” 

You can tell he wants to pry but instead he says, “It’s okay.” 

His nails were painted yellow, a few of them painted lilac as well. There was something so simple about his nails that you just loved, and if it wasn’t weird you probably would’ve stared at them for way too long for it to be acceptable. You knew he had tattoos, and you could see the cross on his hand and the the anchor peaking out from underneath his shirt and you wanted to see more. 

“I like your nails.” You smile, running your own fingers over your own nails underneath the table. 

“Thanks.” A blush creeps up his neck, “I did them last night. Sort of calmed me down, I was quite nervous.” 

“Nervous for what?” 

“This.” He nods, “I haven’t been as nervous for a date in a long time.” 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” 

In your twenty four years of living, you’ve never had someone say that they were nervous to see you. You’ve been nervous to see and do many things in your life and you hoped that somewhere along the line it would’ve been the same for somebody else and yourself but you had the slight suspicion that wasn’t the case. Hearing those words out loud, coming from someone who you’d never expect it too was special, and you were going to keep that for as long as you physically could. 

“I did.” He looks down at the table briefly, “I’ve never liked a girl as much as I like you before.” 

“You don’t really know me.” 

“I’d like to get to know you.” 

That’s what you do. For the rest of the date you don’t stop talking. Even though you’re starving and could eat your fist, it takes you the longest you’ve ever taken to eat your food because of how much you spend it talking. 

You’re just about to dig in to your desert when your body physically halts, “Why didn’t you want me to pick you up?” 

“I, uh, I—”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t what to! I know I can be pretty invasive sometimes.” 

“No, it’s fine!” You take a sip of your drink to swallow down the dryness within your throat, “I don’t live in the nicest building, or in the nicest area and I guess I was embarrassed.” 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” 

“But I was.” You drop your eyes to the plate in front of you, “I know I shouldn’t have been and that it was stupid but I just didn’t want you judge me before you truly knew me because of where I live.” 

“I hope you know now that I wouldn’t have done that.” 

“I do.” 

You let Harry drive you home. Even though you would never admit it to his face just yet, you really liked him. He was kind, sweet and funny and everything you could ever want in your person. You haven’t said this in a long time but you love the person you are around him and you wouldn’t change it for the world if you didn’t have to. 

He stops in the car park outside the building of flats you live in and you can tell he’s thinking deeply about something but you try to not concentrate on that too much. 

“I would invite you up.” You laugh, “But I don’t think the sofa in the middle of my Grandma’s flat whilst she snores in the next room is the most romantic.” 

He scrunches up his nose, “I can’t say that it is.” 

“I’m sorry.” You drop your head to look at your hands that are tested on your knees, “I really wish I could offer you something. Anything.”

“It’s okay, YN.” He uses his finger to move your head up so that you’re looking at him, “I don’t expect anything from you. I hope you know that.” 

“I know.” 

He hesitates for a moment, and you can feel the finger that was rested upon your chin move upwards so that its upon your cheek. You flicker your eyes closed and just mask in the feeling of his touch against your cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks. 

You eyes open as you nod your head, letting out a shaky breath at the sheer surprise you feel at his words.

“Want your words, darling.” 

“Please kiss me.”  

You close your eyes again and you feel his lips touch yours. It's light at first, but you can’t contain yourself and you end up pushing closer to him, relishing in the feeling of his lips upon yours. Your fingertips grip the collar of his shirt, trying to pull him closer without hurting himself too much on the centre console. Even though you both don’t want to, you pull away as you start to loose breath. 

“You okay?” Your chest heaves up and down as he speaks. 

“Never been better.” You sigh, resting your forehead against his. 

“Good.” 

You kiss again, this time its more passionate and you can’t help but let out a small whine as he pulls away. The smug look on his face after hearing that sound was enough to send your stomach doing flips. 

You really didn’t want to do this, but you had too: “I have to go.” 

“It’s okay.” He smiles, “I understand.” 

“Okay.” You reach for the door handle. 

“I have to go away for a bit.” He sighs, “I’m writing some music over in America but when I get back, do you want to maybe go on another date?” 

“I’d love to.” 

He presses one last kiss to your lips and you leave the car, muttering a small, “Bye.” 

You feel giddy. As though you’re sixteen again and just come back from your first date with your first boyfriend. It was something you hadn’t felt in a long time and in all honesty, you had no idea how to handle those feelings. You certainly wouldn’t admit that you screamed quietly into your pillow in excitement that night. 

You couldn’t wait for him to return home. 

Two weeks. Harry was away for two weeks and even though you had only kissed him once, twice if you actually count how many kisses there were, you missed him more than words could explain. You weren’t one to usually message first, so you did end up waiting until Harry had a spare moment to message you which wasn’t as often as you would’ve liked but you couldn’t complain. 

You almost felt as though you had been drip fed this new life with Harry in, only to have it taken away quicker than you could blink. It wasn’t forever, and that was probably the thing keeping you sane. This had all happened in such a short amount of time but you wouldn’t change it for the world. 

The only thing that limited how far you could take this was your job. 

Harry had obviously been curious and during a text conversation in the first week of his week being away — he asked what you did. After having a small freak out you decided to say that you worked in a bar. It was a small, white lie and you hated yourself for it but telling him that you were a stripper just didn’t feel like the best thing to do at that time. 

You just weren’t ready to tell him, and that was totally okay. 

Speaking of your work, tonight was the night of the big party that Elliot made sure you could come to. The club had held celebrity parties before, so you weren’t entirely nervous but every time someone mentioned it you could feel your heart speeding up slightly. 

“Emerald.” You turn to look at Elliot who’s trudging towards you, a bag in hand, “Here’s your new outfit for tonight.” 

“New? I thought I’d just wear the one for special occasions.” 

“This is a special, special occasion Emerald.” He dropped the bag down in front of you, “Wear this.” 

Taking the material out of the bag, your mouth dropped open at the sight of the emerald green lingerie in your hands. It was delicate lace that you feared you’d rip if you weren’t too careful. Putting it on, your breasts slightly spilled over the lace, and whilst your front was covered, the thong back of the lingerie left your ass on full display. It was beautiful, you couldn’t dismiss that but you just hadn’t ever worn something so skimpy before. You pulled your black silk robe over your shoulders, fastened your black heels onto your feet and made your way towards the side of the stage. 

The skimpiness of the new lingerie did send more butterflies to the pit of your stomach than you were originally hoping for but it was only another hurdle for you to get over which you knew you’d be able to do. 

You heard the music start to play, you slipped your hand through the gap in the curtain and opened it, revealing yourself to the room. 

Here goes nothing, you mumble to yourself. 

Harry’s jaw dropped at the sight of you on the stage. It certainly wasn’t his usual scene, a strip club, but it was a friend of a friends birthday and he had kindly been invited and he wasn’t about to turn it down. He wasn’t in the band anymore, and certainly didn’t have to hide that he went to places like this anymore, even though they weren’t his favourite. 

He couldn’t bare his eyes off of you. The way your body moved to the rhythm of the song, your darkly manicured nails pushed the robe of your shoulders, exposing the delicate lingerie you were wearing. Harry would be lying if he said that his cock didn’t start to stir at the sight. 

You. The girl who he thought spent her days reading, and looking after Grandma had a secret persona that he only wanted to explore more. 

“My word.” One of the men in the group spoke, loudly so that everyone could hear him, “She’s fit as fuck.” 

“To get my hands on her.” 

Harry clenches his jaw, and his fist that rested on the arm of his chair. If he wasn’t in a very public place where people could record him, he’d give that man a piece of his mind. He probably would but he’d do it when nobody was around so the man could truly understand what he was saying to him. 

“Do you think I could get a dance with her?” The birthday boy asked. 

“It’s your birthday.” The dickhead with no morals spoke, “She might give you something special as a present.” 

“The rules say no touching.” The words slip out of Harry’s mouth before he can stop them, “So I highly doubt that.” 

“I’m sure you’d be saying something different if you were in his position, Styles.” 

Harry rolled his eyes and focused his attention back on the stage, watching as you seductively bent down to pick up some of the tips that had been thrown on the bottom of the stage. The song was slowly finishing and Harry couldn’t help but feel a little bit of disappointment bubbling within him.

Harry watched your lean legs as you strutted towards the side of the stage, flicking the long wig on your head over your shoulder, seductively running your tongue over your bottom lip as you pulled the material of the lingerie down from your breasts. 

Harry bit his lip, his leg bounced, he ran his hand up and down his thigh. He tried to do everything in his power to distract himself from the rousing within his trousers but he just couldn’t do it. The flimsy material dropped to the floor, your red painted lips curled up into a smirk and you made your way behind the curtain, not showing any of your truly bare skin. 

If you hadn’t been imprinted on his brain before, you certainly were now.

You could hear the grunts and groans of happiness, and a few cheers whilst on stage but the lights were so bright that you couldn’t see anything past the first row or so. The tips you had received were good, and you were pleased about that. 

You received your robe and bra back from the stage and pulled them back onto your body. Your solo dance was always a hit for Elliot, and you supposed that was why he’s kept you on for so long and if you were honest, they were the easiest to do. Private dances always made you too uncomfortable, and in the six years you’ve worked there there had only been a handful of people that made you feel comfortable when it came to private dances. 

“Emerald.” Elliot walks in smiling and you assume everything is swell on the floor, “They fucking love you.” 

You nod your head, muttering a small and awkward, “Thank you.” 

He hums, “You’ve been requested for a private dance, and he’s promised to pay you accordingly.” 

“Really?” 

Another hum, “Room Two. I think he’s already there.” 

“Thanks.” 

He leaves the room, a bounce in his step. You suppose that this is a good thing and he’ll finally get off your back for the time you took off for the date with Harry. You at least hoped. 

You checked yourself. You made sure your makeup still looked flawless, your breasts sat perfectly within the material and your arse looked good. You brush through the wig once and make your way towards room two, the smaller of the three private dance rooms which helped it be more intimate. 

You smiled at the bouncer at the door, Gerry, a man who looked as though he could kill someone with a single punch but was actually a massive teddy bear. He was good at his job of keeping everyone safe and making sure that the bad eggs that came in left just as quickly. 

Watching the door slowly open, Harry felt his heart stop. He had been pacing up and down the room ever since he had walked in, and only just stopped when he heard the creek of the door. He couldn’t believe that you were in front of him, and you certainly couldn’t believe that he was in front of you either. 

“YN. . .” He sounded breathless. 

“Harry?” He could see your chest rising and falling at a quick pace, “What? How? I thought you were in America.” 

He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “I got back last night.” 

“Why are you here?” He can hear the lump in your throat as you speak, your eyes glossing over. 

“A Birthday party.” 

“Yours?” 

“No!” He’s quick to interrupt, “A friend of a friend. It’s not mine. Mine’s in February, and I certainly don’t think I’ll be having my party here. Not that there’s anything wrong with here! It’s lovely! You’re lovely! I’m rambling.” 

He was so gosh darn cute and if you weren’t in the middle of a break down, you probably would’ve laughed or at least reacted to his little word vomit. It was probably the quickest you’d ever heard him talk, not that it was hard. 

After a few minutes of contemplating what to say, you sigh, “I’m sorry.” 

His voice is soft, his features falling, “What are you sorry for?” 

“Lying to you.” You drop your gaze to the floor, trying to suppress the tears, “I didn’t want to.” 

“Hey, hey.” He walks over to you, placing his finger underneath your chin just like he had done in the car weeks ago, “No need to get upset, I’m not.” 

“You should be.” You bottom lip quivers, “I lied to you and I had no intention to retract that just yet.” 

“YN.” He rests his palms on your cheeks, “I’m not angry. I’m not upset. I just want to know why.”

“I was scared.” You admit, trying to do anything but look up at him, “I didn’t know what you’d think or if you’d change your mind.” 

“Change my mind about what?” 

“Wanting too, you know. . .?” 

He shakes his head, “I wouldn’t. There’s no reason for me to.” 

“I’m a stripper Harry, it gives you full reason to not want to be associated with me.” You lift your hand to wipe your under-eye. 

“I’m not judging you, YN, I said I wouldn’t.” 

“I wouldn’t be upset if you did.” 

“YN.” His voice is stern, more so than it had been, “I don’t care that you’re a stripper.” 

“You don’t.” 

“No.” He smiles, “I don’t.” 

“Fuck.” You let out a breath of relief, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” 

“I don’t mind.” He shrugs, “If you didn’t want to, you didn’t have to.” 

You had never met someone like him, and no matter how many times he surprised you that was just fact. Granted, you hadn’t had time to date anyone with looking after your Grandma but another reason you didn’t was because of what they would think of you. 

You knew that not everyone would be was understanding and lovely as Harry had been, and that was just because of the lovely person he was inside and out. That was the reason you didn’t tell him, because even though you had an inclination that he was accepting but you didn’t know whether that was just a façade or he was like that in real life. You loved that he was like that in real life. 

“Can I be honest?” You nod, “I enjoyed it.” 

You bite your lip to suppress the smile that threatened to cross your lips, “You did?” 

He hums, beaming a smile at you. 

“If you wouldn’t mind.” The corner of his lips tugs upwards, “I’d still love to get that private dance.”

You roll your eyes and thwack his shoulder playfully, “If you must.” 

“I’ll wait for you.” He nods, “Until your shift is over, if you want.” 

“Please.” 

“I’ll see you then.” 

You hadn’t even made it completely into Harry’s house before his lips were on yours. He pushed you up against his front door before he’d even shut it properly, his lips falling upon yours with a hunger you hadn’t felt since you last kissed him. 

Maybe it was his hands rested upon the small of your back, your fingers threading through the curls at the nape of his neck. 

“Can I offer you a drink?” He smirks against your lips. 

“Not the priority.” You reply, not bringing your lips away from his. 

“Noted.” He places a kiss to your jaw, “Upstairs?” 

“Upstairs.” 

You follow him up the stairs, your hand rested firmly in his. You’re too distracted by the man in front of you to take any notice of the house or where you were going. 

Harry had kept true to his word and waited for you. You secretly wished that you could have recorded the group’s reaction as you walked towards him, a small smile on your face. After bidding them goodbye, the two of you jumped in a taxi that Harry had ordered and made your way to his house, or what you expected to be his house and you weren’t disappointed. 

The second you step into the plushly decorated room, you’re kissing again. His hands slide down to rest upon curve of your ass, his ring-clad fingers immediately squeezing the flesh. You groan lightly into his mouth, allowing his tongue to slip through her parted lips. You grip his bicep as he leads your backwards into the room, your calves hitting the bed as he does so. 

Your lips part, you fall back onto the bed. You look up at him through your eyelashes, your fingertips reaching to pull the shirt he was wearing over his head. You almost swoon there and then at the sight of the tattoos littering his skin. You lean forward and place a kiss on his lower stomach, just before his happy trail that slips into the band of his trousers. 

You bite your lip, grinning up at him. 

“What are you planning?” 

“I don’t know.” You shrug, “What do you want me to be planning?” 

He groans, “Anything at this point.”

You reach forward, taking the button of his trousers in your fingers. You look up, “Is this okay?” 

“More than okay, baby.” 

You unbutton his trousers, wrapping your finger in the waistband and pulling them down. You can already see the tent in his boxers. You wondered how long he had been like this, you wondered if it had been since your dances. 

You blush slightly as you hook your fingers now into the waistband of his boxers, looking up at him. You can’t handle the look on his face, the slight blush but the boyish grin mixed with his curls that had fallen forward upon his forehead. You pull the fabric down, exposing his hard cock. You watch as it hits his stomach briefly, the tip swollen. You lift your hand up, wrapping it around him before giving him a few pumps. His stomach quivers as you do so, a groan escaping him as you wrap your lips around his tip. His eyes flutter closed as you start to bob your head, his fingers reaching forward to grab your hair into a ponytail. 

“Fuck baby.” His hips involuntarily buck forward. You sink further down, going as far as you could. 

Harry couldn’t believe how good he felt. It had been a while since he had been with someone, and it was worth the wait. You pulled away too soon in his opinion, but the sight of you, all teary eyed and sloppy sent his mind spiralling. 

“God.” He bent down and wrapped his arms around your thighs, lifting you up so he could move you further up the bed, “You’re fucking killing me here.” 

“Good.” You giggle. 

He’s quick to remove your shirt, allowing you to pull your jeans down at the same time. He didn’t expect you to still be in the lingerie from earlier, and if it was physically possible, he swore his cock hardened even more. 

“Fuck me.” 

He leans forward, pressing his lips to yours again as his fingers fumble with the latch of your bra. You bite your bottom lip as he wraps his around your nipple, flicking it with his tongue. He uses his hand to knead the other one. You can’t help but grind your hips forwards, a feeling bubbling deep in the pit of your stomach that you hadn’t felt in a long time. 

“Harry.” You moan, withering under his touch. 

He kisses down from your lips, to your jaw, down your neck until he’s littering them all the way to the band of your underwear. 

“Is this okay?” 

“More than okay.” You whine as he lets out a breath upon the thin material. 

He pulls your underwear down, teasing you by placing kisses across your thighs and pubic bone. He’s so close, yet so far from the place that you need him the most. He licks a stripe across your centre, until he wraps his lips around your clit. You can’t help the moans that escape your parted lips as he nibbles and flicks your sensitive nub, her thighs starting to shake as he coaxes her closer and closer to her orgasm. 

“Don’t stop.” You thread your fingers through his hair, “God! Harry.” 

He pulls away, and you let out a shaky breath as he does so. 

“No fair.” You whine. 

“Life isn’t.” 

“Just shut up and get a condom.” He does as you request, placing a small peck to your lips as he reached over to grab a condom from the drawer beside the bed. 

You watch as he rips the packet open with his teeth, pulling the rubber down his length. He presses another kiss to your lips, catching her eyesight once more.

“Are you sure?” 

“More than okay.” 

He hovers over you, rubbing his tip up and down your wet folds to coax a moan out of your lips. He groans into your shoulder as he pushes in, biting down briefly to suppress the sound. 

“Don’t.” You moan, scratching your nails down his back as he starts to thrust in and out of you, “Let me hear you.” 

“Fuck.” You squeeze him slightly, “Do that again.” 

He speeds up, catching your lips as your hips meeting quicker, the only sound in the room being your skin slapping each others. You slip one of your hands between the two of you, your nimble fingers rubbing your clit. 

“Where have you been all my life?” You can’t help the pleasurable giggle that escapes your lips. 

“Feel so good, H.” 

After a few more thrusts, a couple more circles of her clit and she’s comes around his cock, squeezing him tightly as she did so. 

“Fuck, shit, oh god.” 

He continues to thrust in and out of you, coaxing you through your orgasm and towards his. He seems to go deeper and deeper until he’s spilling inside the condom, his moans louder than any you had heard before. 

“God.” He collapses on top of you, taking a few seconds to collect himself and let you collect yourself, “Haven’t felt like that in a long time.” 

“Glad I could be of some assistance.” You push the hair that had matted to your face off. 

“You should keep secrets from me more often.’ 

“I’m never doing that again.” 

“Good.” He pecks your lips. 

#harry styles #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles x yn #harry styles x you #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles smut fic

[pacifymebby]

Hope it’s okay to just kinda rant a little here but UGH so sick of seeing middle aged men especially who back in the day say they had a house at like 23 or something bc they knew what they wanted to do and ‘worked hard’ and they ‘contribute’ to do it like I know I sound pathetic but as someone who struggled w anxiety around a lot of people in my teens and I mean, I still do to an extent in stressful situations I had legit breakdowns a lot when in retail situations so I wouldn’t like pursue that anymore and then I had no idea what to do until like last year so idk i also had like stress eat or not eat and feel super faint or something when in those situations and idk I am just so exhausted hearing people say like ohhh yeah well I knew so everyone should go ahead and do it jsjsjsjdj

NO FOR REAL THOUGH Im glad someone ranted about this!!!!!

I honestly fucking hate how people make out its as simple as working hard.

First of all, do they know even one thing about the exploitative capitalist system we currently live in? 0 hour, minimum wage culture means people can't ever save enough money to leave their shitty jobs, they have no leverage at all, some companies litterally make it impossible to unionise. Working hard no longer = climbing the social ladder.

It didn't really mean it in the 90s but it meant it far more than it does now.

There are jobs which require doctorates which only pay £19,000 a year.

The thing that gets me most about this is that in the 90s when my parents saved for their first house, my mum had no a levels, hadn't been to uni, my dad barely had gcse's. To do my mums job in 2022 you need a good degree. To do my dad's job ur looking at a poorly paid apprenticeship (I've seen apprenticeships pay like £3 an hour these days).

Their combined income was like £40,000 a year. The deposit they had to put down on their house was £3000.

Now, in 2022 I'm more qualified than both my parents but I can't get a job that isn't minimum wage paid hourly. B has been looking at salaried jobs, he has a masters degree, hes looking at a £19,000 a year salary.

I am on roughly £13,000 a year.

If we want to put a deposit down on a flat (A FLAT) it will be like £8,000 - 10,000.

I'm not much of a maths person but I know for a fact that proves me and B who work really fucking hard, are far worse off than my parents were in the 90s.

The average income in the UK is somet between 20 and 25k a year. The cost of living is rising sharply, taxes are rising sharply (but our public services are shrinking drastically), house prices are going up, the economy is supposedly growing, but wages are stagnating. Its getting harder and harder to rent, landlords are parasites, it's impossible to save for a house when youre renting but most people have to move out their parents homes because their parents now live in inustryless husks where there are no jobs thanks to, guess who, you got it, thatcher and every tory that's ever looked up to her since.

1 in 5 people in the UK live in poverty. Most of those people are in what we call working poverty. That means they are WORKING but they still can't afford to live. Teachers, nurses, social care workers are reliant in food banks.

Anyone and I mean anyone who tries to tell me that all you need to do these days to buy a house is work hard.

I work really fucking hard thank you very fucking much.

#Honestly I hate the cesspit country so fucking much #Bring down the government as thom Yorke our Lord and saviour once said #Fuck the tories

[meichenxi]

*rant commencing*

ok guys let’s sit down and have a think about the way we talk to kids, particularly neurodivergent ones, and the weight it carries

the other day, I opened up to a friend about something really hurtful my best (and only) friend said to me when I was fifteen. It was a moment of emotional intimacy and the first time I had brought it up seven years later and, once again, I got laughed at and told I was too fucking sensitive

and ok maybe yeah I was a ridiculous child. I’m a ridiculous adult, that shouldn’t be surprising. But this hurt and hurt and hurt and I was trying to think about why this in particular and not anything else was so painful

so here’s the situation. at fifteen, like many smart kids, everyone thought the world was open to me. Ok I had no social skills to speak of and was ostracised by teachers and students and family, but I was an optimistic kid, and in a disaster of a home situation (involving kidnappings and court cases and running away and being out of school for a year and a brother starting drugs at 12 and living in a shelter and basically just a LOT) I was always the smiley helpful one. and apart from being defeated by very simple mechanisms like idk drawers or biscuit packets, I picked things up quickly. I took GCSEs early and extra and tutored others; I was a regional competitive swimmer in breaststroke and open water; I taught myself the flute and got into an international touring youth orchestra without lessons; I won a poetry competition for adults in primary school; I played competitive netball and was a long distance runner; I drew and sold my art; I wrote shitty novels and started making conlangs and was interviewed on bbc world about it; I loved performing and was invited to join a theatre company when I left school; and my biggest passion in the entire world apart from Tolkien was martial arts. And the best thing was for my parents - one of whom was disabled and didn’t work and the other who was a cleaner - is that I worked two paper rounds and tutored younger children and earned all of the money for it myself. blah blah blah. I was your mum’s friend’s kid. 

well, I’m a disaster adult, so you can probably guess that none of that lasted for very long. and there are gazillions of people here with exactly the same story. 

the point in question, though, was when I was fifteen and thinking about sixth form (the last two years of school in the UK) it was becoming clear alarmingly fast that you weren’t allowed to just keep doing everything you loved. at some point you had to make a choice. 

but how could I give up swimming for music? Or music for languages? Or languages for athletics? Or athletics for theatre? or, actually, all of them but one???? how did people just know what they had to do with their lives? how did they choose? 

the problem was, I said to my friend, I know I could do well at any of them, so how was I supposed to choose? (tactless and a stupid thing to say and also just not true but I was fifteen and simultaneously disgustingly cocky and cripplingly insecure) And he laughed and said, well, fuck you then. 

oh noooo. poor meeeeeee. I’m so fucking good at things what do I dooooo

I haven’t stopped thinking about that comment for seven years. Every single time I think about wasting my potential, every time I can’t sleep because I’m terrified that I’m not being productive or useful and hating myself because I’m upset that I can’t do something right away and I know it’s a stupid thing to be upset about - I think about that comment. I’m lucky. It’s alright for some. 

because, actually, being expected to know what to do with your life aged 15 is a fucking terrifying thing. we were kids at fifteen being told to make decisions as if we had all the facts, as if we weren’t also being blindfolded and spun around in circles until we couldn’t stand. Do you do what your parents say? what you think you want to do? what your teachers say? do you just stay in education even though it’s not for you because your dream is stupid, or because you don’t have a dream like everyone else seems to? are you supposed to have a dream?

*it’s NOT a stupid thing to worry about*

particularly when? well, when your entire self worth equates to the things that you output, the things that you do. so just for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of all of these wonderful, dazzling, damaged, crazy kids with big dreams and big hearts, kids that are struggling right now and kids that are our future, and imagine that you’ve been told since you were old enough to read or speak or walk that you’re just so very clever

isn’t it just wonderful how clever you are? isn’t it just great how we never need to worry about you? you’re such an easy child, it’s a blessing. always so considerate, so thoughtful, never making a fuss! isn’t it just fantastic how well you do in school? I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a child who went to all of those nasty parties. you’re so dedicated

raise your hand if you were only ever told you were good. raise your hand if you were never told you were kind. 

so, what happens? you take a child, and you tell them for its entire childhood that they’re clever. You don’t tell them that they’re creative, or hard-working, or dedicated, or driven, or helpful. You let them know that it’s ok that they’re weird, because they’re going to be successful. what do you think parents say to their kid who’s crying because she has no friends and she doesn’t understand what the other children are thinking and why they would hurt each other like that? even good parents, the very best of them, say things like: you’re just more mature than they are. it doesn’t matter. keep your head down - you’ll show them. 

your child, in the best case scenario, has access to her hyperfixation that makes the world big and bright and beautiful. she’s a bit weird, but it’s kind of cute. anyway, she’s good at it. and as long as she succeeds, conventionally, and you get to brag, then it’s ok that she’s a little bit unconventional.

and then things to break, just a little. and then, aged eleven, your child is having an asthma attack in the classroom because she got so anxious she couldn’t answer a maths question she couldn’t breathe. it’s ok, her parents tell her the next day. you’re just not good at maths - that’s alright. you don’t have to be good at everything

your child, because she’s perceptive, begins to realise that things don’t get better as you get older. people are just as cruel at 12 as they are at 7, and they’ll be just as cruel at 15. and then one day, as a bad joke because she doesn’t really understand humour, she writes a fake text to her dad from someone’s phone in legalese that actually has a secret code hidden it in that she knows her dad will crack right away because he’s brilliant. she thinks it’s hilarious. her father thinks he is being threatened, and spends the next week in meltdown, bedridden and burnt-out. and when she owns up, he turns and snaps at her, and says as if you could write something like that. an ADULT wrote this, not a fucking child

and suddenly, that cleverness they kept talking about? they don’t even understand that. 

suddenly, no one sees her at all. 

she needs to learn to be like the other kids. to be like a fucking child. and while she’s learning, she doesn’t speak for a year

that happened to me, but take your pick - I’m sure you don’t have to look far to find examples of your own. 

My point is this: if you tell a child for their entire life that the only thing that is worthy of being loved is what they achieve, if every time they do something they love you tell them oh, you could be a famous writer! you’re so talented! rather than saying that you loved listening to their story, if you only praise them when they’re good and quiet and convenient and tell them that as long as they succeed, it doesn’t matter if they don’t have friends or if they’re miserable, and THEN you tell them to choose ONE THING and drop 90% of everything that makes them who they are - 

what the hell did you THINK was going to happen??

because here’s the first thing. for many kids, whether that’s because of neurodivergence or age maturity or whatever, hyper fixations and hobbies aren’t just things they like to do. THEY ARE LIFELINES. they’re the things these kids go to when they’re hurt, angry, upset, because they make sense. for many kids, especially but not always girls, they are able to camouflage themselves and mask tendencies of neurodivergence because they’re ‘good students’. at a family gathering once, my mum, so frustrated at my inability and lack of desire to talk to any members of my extended family, snatched my German grammar book and locked it in the boot of the car. knowing that I escape and read it in the toilet was the only thing keeping me going, exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. I vomited on the grass.

and here’s the second thing. you tell us from an early age that they only way we’ll ever be acceptable to the rest of society is if we succeed. autistic kids are fine, as long as they’re international maths olympiad champions. adhd kids are fine, as long as they’re famous athletes. if you’re obsessed with musicals that’s ok, as long as that obsession leads to a well-paying job as a successful writer on Broadway. 

and then you tell us that we only have one chance at that success? and this decision determines the rest of our lives? and that we had so much potential when we were kids, and we better not waste it now? that not everyone is so lucky to be able to choose between so many things?? 

because being asked to choose between these things isn’t being asked to choose a hobby. when the only way anyone else defines you positively is by your success in one area, that becomes your entire identity. 

so no, we’re not being too sensitive when you ask us to pick and choose what career, or what hobby to take forward. you’re not asking about hobbies. you’re asking us to choose what kind of person we want to be. you’re asking us to choose the most impactful way we can give back to the world, because we can’t waste those god-given talents. you’re asking us to figure out, still a child and hopelessly lost, what our purpose on this planet is. and you’re looking at us as if the ways that we survived all of these years, the things we clung to for comfort, are things we can just cast aside without further thought

ask me now, and I’ll tell you that’s not the way things work. we have second chances and third ones and tenth ones, we can be different things to different people and we can do different things at different parts in our lives, and be successful in different areas. life isn’t a fucking flowchart. and I’m still trying to come to terms with all the things I could have been, and my freak-outs about ‘wasted potential’ are so clockwork I could plan my calendar around them, but I’m beginning to understand that life doesn’t end when you’re twenty, or when you haven’t written a best-seller by eighteen. you have time.   

but at fifteen? at fifteen, that question broke me. 

do you know what you can do instead? you can show a little thoughtfulness. you can be kinder, and lead by example, and praise your kids when they’re kind too. when your son runs to you and shows you what you think is a better picture than you - a stick figure artisan, if you say so yourself - could ever create, you can actually just say you really like it. you can ask him if that’s him and daddy and the dog on a cloud. describe the picture back to him, and engage with this thing he’s made from his imagination - tell him the clouds he’s drawn are so big and fluffy and white, and ask if there are giant spiders living there. you know how to shut a child up? tell them yes dear, it’s wonderful. don’t be that person. promote your kid’s creativity - ask questions, have fun, play with this thing they’ve made - and not destroy it

when your daughter comes to you and shows you a song she’s written, don’t tell her she’s so talented or that she could be a musician one day. just sing along. ask her why she wrote it, and what she was thinking of when she did. ask her if she could make it different for two people singing it at the same time. 

and if your child just really, really loves maths? let them do maths. it’s ok if their interests are stereotypical - as long as they love it and it’s fun, supporting them is wonderful. the best present my father ever got me was five hours of tutoring - an introduction to linguistics!! - when I turned twelve, starting on my birthday at 8am. I had never felt so understood and so loved. 

as much as these simple things can destroy someone’s life, can stop them talking for a year, you have the chance to be that one voice of kindness that is a friend where a young person needs it most. 

for me, this was the Bus Lady. I never knew her first name because I forgot immediately and was too embarrassed to ask again, but we got the bus together for two years right before I applied to university - she was a trainee teacher at my school. she saw that I missed tutor group and sat in the corridor every morning writing, and that I ran laps for an hour every lunchtime instead of sitting alone. but she came and sat with me one morning and asked what I was doing; I was developing a new shorthand and told her so warily. 

she didn’t raise her eyebrows or say wow, that’s...that’s amazing. instead she frowned and looked at me skeptically and said ‘But why would you do that? There are plenty of functional shorthands out there - what does your shorthand have that they don’t? Tell me about it.’

I had no idea what to say

this was the first time anyone had actually ENGAGED in any capacity with what I was doing. and just like that, just by treating me seriously and asking valid questions and pointing out inconsistencies, I was a person who happened to have an idea that was in some serious need of questioning, and not a freak

there’s no way she remembers that interaction; she’s been a teacher now for year and probably doesn’t even remember who I am. But I had been this close to not going to university, to not bothering, and she made me stop, and wait a moment

she will never know the difference that that conversation and two months of kindness on the bus from a stranger made in my life. 

so let’s be kind to each other, please. let’s be forgiving. let’s challenge each other and let’s engage with kids with special interests and listen to them talk. and so to any educators or teachers or parents or even other kids, I want to say - let’s treat our words seriously and with respect, like we treat our children, because they have immense capacity to hurt, because they can be used for good. 

to any other fifteen year olds in a similar position, I just want to say: none of us here on tumblr have properly sorted our lives out, but I promise you it does get so much better.

you’re not too sensitive. you’re not a freak. you’re not only acceptable because you succeed. I know if you’re masking you feel you have to and it’s for survival, and I’m sorry, because you shouldn’t have to. and you should never, never have to think that you ‘have it good’ or that you’re lucky and are not allowed to hurt. there’s always some one who has it worse, and you can’t stop beat yourself up about that. fuck anyone who tells you otherwise. if you have gone through trauma, if you have unhealthy coping mechanisms, if you are depressed or anxious or otherwise mentally ill and some of it stems from this, I am so very very sorry. but you will be ok, even if you can’t write for a couple of years, or even if things change. you’ll get there. speaking as someone who is now writing for the first time in six years, drawing for the first time in longer, it’s scary and new and weird, but you will come out the other side. 

and you do work hard. and you are creative. and you are loved. and you are so very, very kind.

*rant over*

#neurodivergence #neurodivergent #adhd #autism #giftedness #gifted kids #tag for this fucking awful school system? #neurodivergent kids #parenting #education #long post #meichenxi rants #mental health #trauma #depression #anxiety #mental illness #sorry for the scary tags I don't mean the post to be scary I'm just annoyed #and it got longer than I thought it would

[alevelblr]

19.08.20

— old papers (my cat was right, the pic is way better with her in it) + a snippet from london

~ wednesday the 19th of august ~

i’m sorry for the long hiatus- i’ve just been so busy with things not necessarily academically-related, including some big changes to my personal life which took some time to adjust to... overall- this summer has been a big period of change for me, both positivite and, i guess, negative (?), but i feel like i’m ploughing through

tomorrow i will spend the day travelling to see family in italy- which will be so lovely- and i also receive my gcse results :/

i wouldn’t say i’m calm about it, but i don’t feel too panicky or stressed- i just think that the whole fiasco/ outrage surrounding a-levels has made me a lot less hopeful (and i know the algorithm has been scrapped but still idk) and i just feel like i don’t care anymore, they seem irrelevant, and however it goes- i’ve got into the sixth form i want to go to, and i just don’t think they’ll affect much (if anything?)

anyway, rant over lol- i just wanted to say hello to a lot of my new followers! i promise i don’t complain so much usually ahh, but i’m very grateful to have you following me <3 have a lovely day, and good luck to anyone else receiving their gcse results tomorrow!

summer studying challenge!

19th August - How does summer feel in your region? the uk is underwhelmingly cool, although a few days ago there was a period of lovely warm weather!

🎼 habibi — bb brunes

#study motivation #studyblr #studyspo #100 days of productivity #academia #study buddy #studyblr inspo #100 days of self discipline #books #study

[somuchtostudysolittletime]

Hi i'm not sure if you remember but i'm the year 12 anon from last year (yr 13 anon now lol) who was confused between medicine and pharmacy. In the end i applied for medicine with pharmacy as my 5th option. Recently i've been invited to an interview + selection test for pharmacy and i was wondering if you had any pointers? I'm honestly not too sure what to expect, especially from the test because i didn't even know there was one. Some of the rumours i have heard said the test involves an essay?? So if you or any of your colleagues/ former classmates know anything about this, esp for UCL could you let me know? Sorry if this is a bit rambly, it's just that i was given less than a week's notice and at this point i'm kinda freaking out. Thanks!

Hi anon! Congrats on getting an interview and I hope your applications are going well for med school!

I’m really sorry, I don’t know anyone who applied to UCL, however I did 4 interviews at other unis so hopefully I can help!

In terms of interviews, they’re either formal interviews or random chats. My Cardiff interview asked me things like ‘what does professionalism mean to you’ (don’t panic too much- I had a broken wrist and in my drugged up state I answered idk not punching people- and still got an offer!!), but my bath interview we literally just ended up discussing beaches in Scotland. Know your personal statement, be able to talk about why doing x extracurricular will help you in pharmacy. They’ll probably ask you why you want to study at UCL- try and have a read of the uni website to know specifically what is good about the school of pharmacy there. Is there new facilities? Are the staff research focussed? Try to compliment them. Theyll probably also ask why do you want to do pharmacy? I’m sure you won’t, but don’t say it’s your backup choice. Do you have work experience that you enjoyed? Are you fascinated by how medications work? Do you love biology and chemistry (that’s the classic lol)

In terms of tests, most interviews, if not all, had a test. There’s usually a fairly straightforward maths test. I can’t remember details but it was pretty relaxed - 10 questions in timed conditions. It was nowhere near the level of A level maths, may have been GCSE standard or slightly lower. There wasn’t anything too taxing though! In one of mine, I also had a few situational judgement questions (ie, patient needs an inhaler but doesn’t have a prescription, what do you do). This isn’t about getting it right- you haven’t been taught any pharmacy law yet! They just want to see your thought process. Do you care that you have a patient in need in front of you? Could bad things happen to the patient if you don’t supply it? If you’re a pharmacy assistant in this situation, would you ask the pharmacist for advice?

I’ve personally never heard of essays at interviews - but I’ve just noticed I did my pharmacy uni interviews 7 years ago now (ahhhhh scary), so things may have changed. I would find it unlikely that they would spring that on you though, as they would then have to read hundreds of essays to decide who to offer places to, which seems like a lot of effort, especially over a quick maths test.

Sorry I couldn’t be much more help- followers please do chip in if you know any more about UCLs admissions process- and best of luck to you. Try not to panic too much, I know it’s hard, but hopefully it won’t be too bad. I also really hope your med school applications go well, please come back and let me know how you get on!! Good luck! You’ve got this xx

#mine #pharmblr #pharmacy #answered #anonymous #anon #asked #interviews #pharmacy school