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lucifervchatse · 6 months

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Eye Contact

This is my first Fic post and im still adjusting to the tumblr Layout. (it’s whooping my ass)

Description: You and ony have been dating for a few months. You’ve been taking anti depressants and your mood has been shot.

wk:: idk..

Warnings? Aggressive behavior, semi-Toxicish, short-Smut. fem!Reader who’s black and autistic. cussing .Eye contact. Hair pulling. Cream pie! small age gap. 4 years~ bad communication. Nigga is used. pet names (I’m adding this shit on as i write) doggy style then upward doggy. Ony a sweetie pie yall.

You hated eye contact. It always makes you uncomfortable. Which is so easy to read with you, once you started playing with your locs it’s obvious when you started to play with your hair and pat your head that you’re uncomfortable.

Yet people still demand you to look you in their eye. Your boyfriend Ony understands to a certain point but he likes looking you in the eye. It shows respect he claims, but even still you refuse to stare him in the eye to long. You would at something behind him or at his neck he especially makes you nervous.

You set comfortable on your boyfriends bed as you waited for his arrival. It’s 10:34 you mumble to your self. luckily you have a spare key card so your able to go in and out as you please in cases like this. You heard the door handle rattling singling you that he’s home.

“Hey babe.” You mumble. You didn’t have a attitude. You never really do but he didn’t know that. “What’s wrong with you?” He ask sitting his bag down behind the door and kicked off his shoes,before sitting next to you on the bed. “Nothing, I’m fine” He turn to look at him then looking back on the phone. “Why are you in the dark?” He grab the tv remote from the nightstand beside the table.

You hate it when he mentions you being in the dark. You didn’t mind. You like it more then the light. The light hurts your eyes making you agitated. “I just prefer it. I don’t like the light.” You moved over, now getting annoyed. He mumble something under his breath. Sadly you didn’t catch it still scrolling through tiktok watching some videos about Theories on a current anime you wanted to catch on.

“You know you need to communicate more.” He look over at you. “I do communicate.” you said still locked in your phone. He snatch your phone from your hand.

“See this the shit I be talking about y/n. You don’t even acknowledge me when I’m talking to you!” He gritted through his teeth. You didn’t even care about what he said you just wanted your phone. You reach over him try to get your phone back but he was taller then you. (Nigga like 6’4 Y/n like 5’6) “Bro give me my phone. I’m not playing with you!”

You yelled at him getting up from the bed. You paced around the small room. “Nah, You ain’t getting this shit until you talk.” You stop mid pace to look at him. “And fix your face.” He add you roll your eyes. “Ain’t shit wrong with me. You on dick for real. Hop off.” You ranted. Ony stared at you with a blank face making it even harder for you to even think.

“This the shit i’m talking about. You get so aggravate when I ask you what’s wrong and you start bitching.” He started he grab you by your hands. “I understand it’s hard for you to talk but you have to learn baby..Look at me.” He place his hand on your chin so you can look him in the eyes. “I said it before nothings wrong. You just assume so much! This is just how I talk to people”

Ony nods. He stared as you as you talk causing a little discomfort and since he’s hold your hands you started to bounce your leg. “I’m fine! I pass my pysch exam today! I’m just a little tired I guess but it’s nothing that can’t be fix.” You stop pouted. You sat next to him on the bed and lay you head on his shoulder.

He kiss your forehead. “It’s okay. I know your not use to it but your in a relationship now. it’s hard to read the emotions on your face. We can help each other.” He pulled you on his lap. Now face to face with him it made you uneasy. The eye contact made you feel uncomfortable you shifted on his lap trying to distract him from looking you in the eye.

“Stop moving on my dick ma, Shit ain’t gonna work.” He slapped your ass warning you to stop moving. You pout. You tugged sweatshirt trying to pull it off.

“the only thing your gonna make it up to me if you riding and yo ass don’t have megan knees let me save you the pain..” Once he said that Suddenly you face up ass down.

You was cold. With the cold air hitting your bake body you became sensitive to his small touches.

You use his large hands to spread your pussy apart giving her small butterfly kisses. “You remember the last time we had sex?” You deepen your arch and shook your head. “It was 2 months ago…”

He flick his tongue along the walls of your pussy. Sucking one lip then moving to the other lip. “Shit so fat.” You buck your hips against his mouth craving for more.

Instead he position himself. His tip just pressing again your pussy.

“Imma fuck your dumbass up.” He pushed himself in feeling your walls tighten around his dick. “Fuucck” You moaned out. “Waittt..To much..” You try to move forward but Ony quickly shut that shit down. He pushed you back on. “Where you going? We just started?” He gritted through his teeth. Changing your guy’s current position.

Your back was press against his chest forcing you to arch as your back was firmly press against him. He gripped your arms to your side thrusting into you aggressively. “Tight.Ass.Pussy..” He groan making sure you take every inch. “Slow down!!!!” You whine Ony use one hand to hold your hands in place and the other one to push down against the bulge he was giving you.

You tits was bouncing with each thrust he gave you. Nipples perk up with pure bliss and excitement. Waiting for your release to come.

The knock in your stomach feels like it’s coming undone. “Baby..F-fuck imma cum! So-Slow down!” You gasped out. Throwing your head back staring at his lips. “Hm? You gonna cum? you know where you got to cum on.” his pace fasten. He want to see you become nothing but a mess.

“Wait- Fuck! Oh my god!! Don’t! Fucking!” You couldn’t even form a word. His on grip your waist was tight. It only took a few more thrust before you knot became undone.

“Oh fucccck!!” You moaned out. Eyes shooting open your legs shaking as you cream on his dick. Ony slowly pull out. “There you go baby.” He laid you gently on the bed,placing multiple kissing on your face.

“My sweet girl. That wasn’t so bad was it?” He laid up beside you. getting the covers to put over y’all.

“We’re on the wrong side of tinge bed I can’t sleep.” You turn to look at him. Ony laughed. “girl if you don’t-“

A/N

PLEASE THIS IS MY FIRST FIC THIS FEELS LIKE WATTPAD ALL IVER AGAIN. I can’t figure out how to get the word count but imma round this shit up to 2k And a big thank you to @shahanaazsoumah ! Thank you for supporting and please give me feedback. Next i’m thinking about writing an Drugdealer!Eren x Fem! college student reader 😄. I’m 18 in college yet I still struggle with grammar and spelling I apologize for that im still working on it in college (They KICKING MY ASS) Thabk you for reading!!

#ony x black reader #x black reader #aot onyankopon #aot x reader #aot x black y/n #aot x black reader

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tbyfandoms · 1 year

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I don’t know how gossip and stuff like that works in the hayden fandom (as I’m so new to it) but I just wanted to speak my mind on the whole rachel podcast thing because it’s been ruminating in my thoughts for a few days and I can’t move on LMAO

So, if you’re down for a little discussion, please feel free to read! If gossip or speculation and stuff isn’t your thing, no problem! Sexual topics will be talked about so keep that in mind in case that’s something you’re not too comfortable with! anyways, here we go…

Alright, so I know the podcast rachel did where she talked about her sexual experiences was literally two months ago but I just need to get my thoughts out on it rn

First of all I’m gonna say I’m 100% all for women being open and honest about their sexual experiences! Like we have a right to not feel shame in speaking about these things openly, but I’m gonna be honest, rachel talking about not having an org*sm (censoring bc idk how tumblr flags stuff and I don’t wanna get in trouble lmao) from penetrative sex until she was 38 lowkey gave me the ick

Like it’s so very obvious people are going to assume the fact she’s basically saying hayden never gave her any sexual satisfaction (correct me if this is a reach) and my jaw kinda drops at that realization??? Like you’re telling me over the ~10 year relationship you had with this man, he not once made you feel good? And the only way you were able to feel satisfied was by your own doing???

As I said, she’s obviously, obviously, entitled to her experiences and opinion like who’s to judge her for that??? But it’s the fact she’s said it now. It’s just kinda ironic to me that after all this time she brings this stuff up, coincidentally when hayden’s career is taking off again, as if the public and media won’t connect the dots on who she’s talking about

Like ya’ll idk maybe it’s me but imo that’s kind of petty to do 😭 like this man was with you for a very long time, he’s the father of your child, and yet you’re gonna make him out to be a guy that doesn’t know how to please his partner…

Maybe this is all such a reach so please take this all with a grain of salt, I’m really just rambling rn and maybe won’t even feel the same after I write this all out, but for now this is how I’m feeling!

It’s just all kinda spiraling in my mind because truly why would you say that (I’m more-so finding a problem with it because she did it so publicly and on a random podcast). And maybe this makes me a hypocrite because I literally just said women should be able to be honest about their sexual experiences LMAO BUT CMON???

Idk maybe it’s just me being defensive of hayden and the fact I literally don’t know this woman at all and this is the first impression I’m getting of her, but it just rubs me the wrong way. Like idk about ya’ll but I know if hayden christensen just looked at me, I’d lose my mind. So imagine being in a relationship with him, where I’m sure he can figure out how to make you feel good especially giving the duration of your relationship, just for you to then turn around and throw it all back in his face when it’s been literal years since you’ve been with him…(also same goes for that adam brody guy she dated in the early 2000s, like it’s not just hayden this reflects on!)

Also she talked about how she misses her ex bill hader (whom she coincidentally dated when she was 38) because of his um…big d!ck. So she’s also throwing into the mix that apparently the reason she couldn’t get off with hayden and adam is because they’re small???? IM SCREAMING DSKDJDH

But again maybe I’m taking this all out of context or not looking at it the right way or whatever, so sorry if this ramble of nonsense is giving you the ick, but so be it

I probably missed a lot of points I wanted to make so maybe I’ll come back to this later, we’ll see

The last thing I’ll say is, literally watch any of hayden’s movies where he’s in a romantic relationship with someone and genuinely tell me you think that man doesn’t know how to make someone feel good, specifically with penetrative sex (because that’s what rachel was talking about)??? It’s the way he’s acting and yet I can still feel the sexual tension and attraction through the screen. Just imagine him in real life. I shall leave some gifs below to further prove my point because…yeah I don’t understand

Exhibit A:

This scene from Awake literally has me screaming every time I watch it DKSJSH like the hand placement??? The kissing??? Yeah I GET IT, it’s not sex but just trust me on this ok

Exhibit B:

This scene from Factory Girl. Literally my most favorite piece of proof that goes hand in hand with the fact I cannot grasp the idea THIS man does not know how to please a woman I-

Really you guys just have to click on the account that posted these and look at the whole set because…I rest my case. Just look at the way he rolls his body on her *screams*

Ok sorry, bye that’s all I’ll say for now. I feel like none of this makes sense and I SWEAR I’m not trying to shame rachel, I just felt really put off by that little tidbit she decided to publicly share so yeah here’s my current thoughts on it. Please no one jump me, if this is truly an awful take I will delete it 🫣

#hayden christensen #xoxo gossip gal

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citizen-zero · 2 years

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oh yeah so something I realized is that, you know the “asexuals don’t care about sex UwU we just want cake UwU” mindset that felt so pervasive on 2012-2014 ace Tumblr? I think that might’ve contributed to the internal aphobia I had for a while. I think it contributed a lot tbh. and it’s complicated being angry about it bc most of the people doing it were teenagers and very new adults who were also figuring themselves out and being clumsy. but it still contributed.

because first of all some of it bordered on fucking infantilization like…painting aces as smol bean babies whose disinterest in sex was to the point of naïveté. when many of us were adults who absolutely didn’t want to be viewed in the same way as children simply for not experiencing sexual attraction in a conventional way or at all. like I do not understand how people could not see how much more aphobic it was to make an ace character childlike and make their naïveté a source of comedy. The only way it makes sense is if you assume the author felt this way and thought they were being relatable.

and additionally that rhetoric was very alienating to me as someone who was and is a sex-positive ace (probably grey-ace). I like sexual things. I want to have sex. I just don’t experience sexual attraction to strangers and people I don’t know well enough. like I had a guy friend who tried having conversations about hot girls with me when he found out I like women and I could just never relate to him wanting to bang celebrities. He’d show me pictures and I’d just be like “uhhhh yeah she’s pretty alright”

but the point is I’m still interested in sex. and yeah there were conversations back then about the ace spectrum and how one can still enjoy sexual activity while being ace but like. it still felt like sex-positive aces in particular were pushed to the margins. that was how I experienced it at least. and it was alienating because it felt like another form of invalidation, when people act and acted like being asexual always means complete disinterest in anything sexual.

and like I don’t really want to sound like I’m like…idk…I get why people did all the cake jokes and stuff for the same reason that people are loud and proud about being any other queer label, because you’ve been made to feel like you’re abnormal and now you’re being told you’re alright. I get it. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t still infuriating and unwelcoming having people pay lip service to the idea of there being an ace spectrum while also engaging in rhetoric making it seem like there’s only one way to experience asexuality

Oh and on top of that, I feel like lately I’ve seen more rhetoric going around that if a character is like, gay, then it’s also more ideal for them to be asexual than allosexual?? this might be more niche even in the fandom space but I’ve seen Some Takes that are just like. hello you have reinvented Christian “love the sinner hate the sin” homophobia. the “being gay is okay as long as you don’t have sex because that’s evil and dirty UwU” homophobia. which is maybe what a lot of the 2012-2014 rhetoric was reminiscent of.

idk. I’m sure this wasn’t the only thing but it definitely feels like a significant thing.

#personal #erika's blog and bar

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perfectlyripeclementine · 9 months

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hey the previous anon here, i still hvnt found anyone 🥺

it is so interesting tho bc like bc of my body dysphoria i would never really care about myself. like im not a stone top by any means but i didnt really care about my body either tbh. but with my ex it was kinda the first time someone Wanted to show me that they find my body attractive even if i dont but didnt make it into a whole "but ur boobs are great why would u want to get top surgery" and actually like...did it right if that makes sense. and then it got to a point where i was the horny bitch touching myself as she is on the phone talking about work and to this day idk how i got here but oh well jfkdmdj

anyway i still am very touch starved and manifesting someone to come fuck me.

part 2:

hi again the same anon. imma go with 🦄 if thats not taken djdkdmjd

anyway now i cant stop thinking about my ex and how she made me feel so wanted and i will never forget how the first time we were making out she dipped her fingers inside me and than licked them clean and i think i died a little. i love doing that but no one had done it to me (not to bash my other (very limited) partners they usually just assumed i would be uncomfortable with it and i didnt really know what i wanted at the time either) and how it was the first time and how she was not even like actually looking at me and just savoring the moment and how afterwards she said "ive been wanting to do that for so long now" aaaaaaaaa i die

hi sweet. yes, the unicorn is all yours 🦄

I’m sorry that your breakup has left you feeling at odds with your own body. I hope you remember that even if she helped you become more sexual comfortable with yourself, your and your body’s pleasure are ultimately yours. a gift that she gave you is that you better know how to access them, and even though it really hurts to miss somebody (trust, i know), that’s yours to keep now.

it makes total sense that you want someone who thinks you’re hot as you are but also doesn’t have specific expectations of how you should or shouldn’t want to treat your body. i promise there are others like there who will also find you attractive and also be excited to see you change and come into yourself as you choose to. there are many weirdos, and also many people who are well-meaning but may not know how to navigate some of these questions. and there are also lots of people who are curious and excited and wanting to better understand their own pleasure like you.

mmmmm that sounds like a really hot memory. ❤️‍🔥 that sounds incredible. i’m sure it feels amazing to touch you that way, and know that feeling of relief when you finally get to push into someone you’ve been wanting to for so long. it sounds like that really opened some doors for you and now you’ll know how to talk to other partners in the future, and what to ask for.

i’m sorry this relationship ended, i know how tough it can be to lose someone who was really affirming. but it sounds from what you’ve said that this was just the beginning for you. manifesting someone to fuck you and enjoy you like you deserve 💕

in the meantime, while i don’t feel comfortable directly sexting anons on here, you are welcome to drop fantasies in my inbox if that’s fun & hot to you, and i hope that you keep exploring what works for you through tumblr and whatever other platform works for you.

#ask roo #followers like this post 2 charge the spell #(the spell is getting this anon laid gender affirmingly)#🦄 anon #in fact i think this should be a spell to manifest a good gender-affirming fuck to anyone in need

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babyboibucky · 3 years

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Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. “Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious. Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

Everything Bucky Tag List:

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#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan

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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA 6th Popularity Poll Reaction Post - Risky Spoiler-Dodging Edition

hey guys, so seeing as the results from the 6th popularity poll were leaked today, I figured I would do a separate reaction + analysis post this year, rather than piling it in as an extra on top of the chapter reaction post tomorrow. I figure this makes more sense anyway, since they’re really two completely different things. also this way I can write as much as I want lol.

also, just fyi, I am still completely unspoiled for chapter 293. and probably the smart thing to do to keep it that way would be to log off tumblr and hold off posting this until tomorrow, but I apparently have no impulse control today so oh well. anyway, so I’m hoping you guys will keep this spoiler-free if you don’t mind! as always, I would prefer to just jump right in completely unaware tomorrow like Troy returning to the study room with the pizza boxes lol.

okay so this first part is just going to be my predictions. fyi I am writing this part on Wednesday night, and then I’ll add on the results part on Thursday or Friday (ETA: Thursday, apparently, since I am impatient.)

okay so first of all, just as a refresher, this poll was open to Japanese voters from Aug 3 to Sep 30. meaning chapters 279 through 285. meanwhile last year’s poll took place around the tail end of the MVA arc. so between then and now we had Heroes Rising, the Endeavor Agency arc, and the War arc up to the part where the 1-A kids took on Gigantomachia in Gunga, and started battling Tomura in Jakku. so technically only a couple of arcs, but a LOT of stuff going down in them. oh and season 4 of the anime as well

so! firstly, I predict that my truculent africanized honeybee son will hold on to his crown at #1, coming off a year in which he did some internship-boosted soul searching, borrowed OFA in movie canon, and finished out the voting period as the my-body-moved-on-its-own character development MVP. like CALL ME CRAZY lol, but I’m pretty sure his title is safe. and then after him will be Deku and Shouto as usual

Aizawa should hopefully also have a strong showing because the dude had a banner fucking year. reunited with his old dead friend, took on Tomura with his hopelessly inept hero pals, and then chopped his fucking leg off. he had better be in the top 10. his fucking leg died for this, idk what else he has to do

Endeavor also stands a decent chance of doing well given the internship arc and the final episode of season 4. which I’m sure will go down just swimmingly if that does happen lmao. especially if he somehow manages to rank higher than...

Dabi, which I don’t think he will btw, but you never know. anyways though, but I’m thinking Dabi’s going to have a stronger showing than in past years (in the last poll he only got 367 votes and was ranked 19th). mostly because of his fight in the Gunga mansion, and his cheekily censored name reveal to...

Hawks, who is also going to rank pretty high here, I think. might be he loses some points for killing off Twice, but his back was basically to the wall there. and he has always been very popular, and I think season 4 will also give him a boost, along with his heavy involvement in the first half of the War arc

Tomura was already in 6th place last year and I think he cracks the top 5 this year. he’s gotten exponentially more popular since the MVA arc, and got a boost in the last poll even though his flashback had only just barely happened, and he hadn’t finished Awakening yet and all that stuff. anyway, so he’s only gotten cooler and more tragic since then so I think he makes a big play here

Kirishima, Momo, Tokoyami, and Mina should also hopefully do well, since the poll opened right in the middle of all that Gigantomachia action, and Toko had just got done being an absolute badass and protecting his birb dad. I don’t think he’ll quite make it to the top ten, but he should

and last but not least, I’m hoping that Mirko will come out and take the polls by storm, although I have no clue how popular she is in Japan lol. she’s clearly Horikoshi’s favorite though. she SHOULD be everyone’s favorite, but I mean, we’ll see how it goes

anyway that’s it as far as predictions! and so now, through the magic of writing stuff at different times, we will fast-forward to the part where we actually find out the results!

OH MY GOD YES, STEAMPUNK KHLKSLLKL. HERE FOR IT. JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 5 STARS

Kacchan looks SO COCKY and SO HAPPY and SO ADORABLE, YES I SAID IT. he is adorable as FUCK. I don’t quite know what it is about this particular Kacchan that just screams “LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE MY STUPID, LOUD SON IS WITH HIS BIZARRE WINDOWPANE-LOOKING CONVERTIBLE SUNGLASS GOGGLES and his POORLY TIED CRAVAT”, but I think it’s because he looks like if a Digimon character and a FMA character had a baby

anyway, so it looks like most of the people present here are more or less who we expected to see. except that I can’t tell for sure if that’s Dabi or Shindou, and if it’s Shindou I’m going to punch somebody in the face so you will have to excuse me

Iida wearing a TRENCHCOAT and a TOP HAT with ENGINE EXHAUST GOGGLE ACCENTS is my new favorite Iida of all time. take note how there is no possible way he can wear those goggles with them sitting on top of his hat like that. plus he’s already got glasses on. these are just purely for aesthetic and IF THAT AIN’T JUST THE STEAMPUNK WAY

Deku out here speaking softly and carrying a lead pipe. Kacchan you best look out. seems like he’s done watching you take first place year after year while he languishes in the number two spot. your only hope is that he trips while attacking you because his boots are unbuckled

Shouto’s standing over there with the rest of the non-first-and-second-place characters, but what are the odds his results are actually within spitting distance of Deku’s same as always. anyway he doesn’t mind, though. also his outfit is by far the most sensible one here, but if you look closely he’s got some sort of fire extinguisher/jet pack thing strapped to his back that’s got a control switch on his belt. Shouto are you jetpacking or putting out fires

Kirishima out here all “I’m not sure what steampunk is so I’m just going to take off my shirt and pose”

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH SKLKSDLKFJLSKJLDFKJSLDFFJLDKSJFL:KS. SIR. SIR. also, lowkey furious that Horikoshi refuses to show us the automail leg that he is clearly sporting here but which we just can’t see, SHOUTO MOVE GODDAMMIT

Endeavor has TWO fire extinguisher-slash-jetpacks. THE BETTER TO... WHATEVER. look at you here in the top ten again. you really live for that controversy

HAWKS OUT HERE WITH HIS STEAMPUNK BEATS BY DRE AND HIS WEARING A RING ON EVERY FINGER. nice to see you’ve still got your wings there, kiddo. then again Deku still has both of his arms too so who even knows what is going on

BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IS THIS DABI OR SHINDOU. as if I don’t know the truth deep down in my heart. y’all I am gonna flip lmao. it’s not that I dislike Shindou, strictly speaking. but just... I can’t explain what it is, but if you put him and AFO next to each other and told me “you can only punch one”, I would be having a serious crisis. just, THIS FUCKING GUY, idek. STOP SMILING

Tomura looks like he just wandered onto the set here by mistake and has no idea where he is or what is going on. it’s because you’re wearing a bigass severed hand that’s blocking your entire view, Tomura. just take the hand off your face my sweet murder dumpling

anyway! so I managed to also find a link to the full poll results while somehow managing to avoid spoilers, and then I wanted to compare the results to last year’s poll, and so I made... this

hopefully you can all see this. if you’re on desktop you might be screwed, but on mobile you should be able to click and enlarge it. I mean, assuming you actually give a fuck about boring poll analysis spreadsheets lmao

anyway, so there were actually 13k fewer votes cast this year which is a bit of a surprise. is the series not still growing in popularity? do people apparently have better things to do during their quarantine lol

anyways but despite this, and despite getting 8k fewer votes overall, Kacchan still managed almost twice as many as his closest competitor. well fought, Deku. please put down that pipe

I somehow always underestimate the power of ship popularity to influence these things. but for example, it looks like Present Mic got that Vigilantes Trio bump. ride that wave for all it’s worth my man! hell, you got me on board

Iida fucking Tenya somehow got some sort of POWER BOOST out of NOWHERE which I can’t explain at all lmao, but I’m here for it. NOT BAD FOR AN OLD MAN

Sero managed to get the exact same number of votes in both 2019 and 2020. clearly the most loyal fans in the business

Mirko being all the way down at #20 is, of course, a travesty, and I hereby nominate her to be the one to punch Shindou in the face

ngl though, the lack of a single female character in the top ten hurts just a bit. it’s not overly surprising, but still. the worst part of it is that even if you kicked Shindou to the curb and moved everyone else up one slot, it would still be all dudes since Mic beat out Momo by a margin of a little more than a hundred votes. hard to stay mad at Mic for too long, though. ah well

Tomura actually lost a bunch of votes which is a genuine surprise to me. I know the villain standom isn’t as dominant in Japan as it is in Western fandom, but still. you can go ahead and punch Shindou too I guess

Tokoyami lowkey doubled his vote count over the past year while hiding down there at #18. he is slowly becoming more powerful. biding his time

anyway so I think that’s it! I mean not really, but I’m getting kind of tired lol. so just, you know, insert the usual gripes at Overhaul’s ranking here, although we can be happy about Magne making her way onto the list (r.i.p.), and Mineta and AFO taking a very satisfying slide down (all the way out, in AFO’s case; good riddance you bum). Hadou also got a huge boost which is awesome. Mustard’s persistent ownership of the #36 spot will forever remain a mystery to me, but oh well

anyways, this was fun. and I really do feel like everyone is looking away on purpose so that when Deku brains Kacchan with that pipe in about two seconds from now, there will be no witnesses, oh my fucking god

#bnha 293 #bnha popularity poll #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #aizawa shouta #shigaraki tomura #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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theroguequeenaniki · 3 years

Text

Questions 2009 -> 2021

This is from my Facebook. It popped up on my memories page thing. I originally answered this in 2009 when I was 15, it’s now 2021 & and I am 27, so I’m gonna do it again. Leaving the original answers. Original answers will be italicized. Commentary on the original answers in parentheses & crossed out? Lol. (I’m not gonna tag anyone, but, like, I guess if you want to answer these random questions from Facebook 12 years ago, go ahead lol)

Questions

Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose people to tag. Don't forget to tag me so I can see your answers! To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours. Easy! Next, tag people that you think may enjoy this (in the right hand corner of the app). Click publish (at the bottom). Have fun! :) 1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? My cup with my Big Red in it The straw to my Kate Spade tumbler to drink my HEB Cola Lol.

2.Where was your profile picture taken? I got it off the internet. it's a random anime girl. My bedroom. 3.Can you play Guitar Hero? Never played it. Probably wouldn't be good at it. Not to good at video games. But I am good at Mario Cart, both 64 and the Wii. plus I'm good at some Sonic games. Still never played it. Idk if I’m any good at Mario Cart or the Sonic games anymore, I haven’t played either in years lol

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? Doctor Who TikTok. My cats.

5.How late did you stay up last night and why? Umm, probably about 10:00 cause it took me forevor to get into bed. Uh..Past 4am. Lol. B/c my sleep schedule is fucked. I was in bed by 3am though, but I was playing games & watching TikToks on my phone. Lol.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you? Yes. I'd move to either New York or Sweden. I don’t know. Part of me says yes. But part of me says no..b/c even though Texas has it’s faults (a LOT of them), I cannot imagine living anywhere else long-term..

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks? HAHA. Yeah right. I've never even been kissed! Still nope. I have been kissed though. He just didn’t kiss me under the fireworks the one NYE we spent together...

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? Um, I think R, but D might also. D is accross Stasney from me and R is a couple blocks down (I don’t talk to these people much anymore & I’m not going to share their names on Tumblr) Uh. I think Maybe Raven? B/c they’re the only one who lives in the same city still. But, Sarah might technically be closer distance wise? Hold on. Ok, yeah, Sarah’s closer, even though she doesn’t live in this city anymore.

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? It all depends on the situation.(I totally stold M's answer but it's true) (I don’t talk to this person anymore & I’m not gonna share their name on Tumblr) I mean, yeah. Two of my best friends are each others exes and they’re still friends. I haven’t stayed friend with my ex, but, uh, he ghosted me so? Lol.

10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? I love it. I still love it. Lol.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard? I can't remember. I don't think it was that long ago, I had a light cry on Saturday, but I don't remember the last time I cried really hard. When we got back from our trip in July. Had a full on breakdown that night. Overheated all weekend. Overwhelmed. Anxiety. It was not a very good vacation..I cry a lot though.

12. Who took your profile picture? I got it off of google. I did.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? Umm, either myself, or one of my family members. Aside from myself. I think my dad, on his phone, b/c there was a cicada on his shoulder and he wanted to ask the family group chat if he could keep it. Lol. I take a LOT of pictures of cats though. Lol.

14. Was yesterday better than today? Hail yes! To much drama today! And I couldn't avoid it cause I was in the middle of it! (Oof, what drama was 15 yo Linda dealing with that she couldn’t avoid? Lol. I mean, I guess, Sophomore year was a bit full of drama lol) Anyway, I mean, they were pretty much the same. One wasn’t better than the other. One wasn’t worse than the other.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yeah. Now Music there is something I can't live without! Yep, Do it almost everyday. Sentiments about music remain the same. Lol.

16. Are you upset about anything? Yes. I'm annoyed about something and it's making me upset. (I assume this has something to do with the the drama mentioned earlier lol) Always. Anxiety & depression are a bitch. My rooms a mess & I can’t get myself to clean it. My shelves are still a mess.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yeah. though i havent really had one yet. I mean, yeah. Even though I haven’t had one last, aside from friendships, but they’re worth it.

18. Are you a bad influence? I hope not. If so, let me know.(again I took M's answer but it's true) Probably. Idk. Lol.

19. Night out or night in? Depends on what's going on and how I feel about it. Night in usually. I do like going out sometimes, but, like, to dinner. Maybe a movie or a show. But, you know, we’ve been in a panini press, the only thing I’ve been comfortable doing is going to dinner (fully vaxxed & masked). But I also prefer staying home anyway. (Like I usually just go to dinner with my family lol)

20. What items could you not go without during the day? my computer. my book. my journal and a pen. My phone. My journal (b/c I write in it every night, as a diary, 14yo Linda wrote stories). Uh. I didn’t take food or drinks into account in the og, so I won’t in those. But, yeah. My phone & journal. I can go a day without my laptop if I need to. (Went the whole trip in July without pulling it out, though maybe that’s not a good example since my anxiety on that trip was so high..) I want to say a book, but I’ve been in a massive reading slump so...I wish I read as much as 15yo Linda did..

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? I don't remember. I think it was myself.(if you want to know, ask me in person) I honestly don’t know. I don’t remember the last time I was in a hospital.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? "Mrbobbybones: wish ted would finally meet their mother already. geez. get to it. However, I see myself in that character more and more each episode." yeah. That's what it says. It's from Twitter. (Huh? and I can’t even go check b/c my inbox doesn’t go back to 2009 on Twitter?? (I haven’t had my account that long) Wait wait wait just remembered I used to get tweets to my phone as text messages lol)

Facebook messenger: “ Cool” From our group chat. Lol.

From actual text messages on my phone: “ heeey! Just put up the Tuesday PDS just for you it’s a big one.” From Phillip Defranco’s text line Lol.

23. How do you feel about your life right now? I'm loving and hating it. but hey nobody gets out alive right? Uh..I mean. I’m alive. I have WiFi. Food. Family. I haven’t seen my friends in 2 years. (Minus Alex, b/c they were here in July to cat/house sit, but I saw them for like, one night..) There’s a lot that could be better. A lot that could be worse.

24. Do you hate anyone? yes!!! Oof. I mean, kinda.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook Inbox, what would we find? some random conversations. most of my convos on her though have been in chat or through comments. Facebook Inbox is now Facebook Messenger. So you’ll find all my Facebook Messenger convos. Mostly our group chat. And side group chats for secret planning (birthdays & stuff). Plus other chats? Lol.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? I better! (excuse me miss 15yo Linda you absolutely could have passed a drug test you ALSO didn’t drink or smoke or take any drugs lol) Yeah. Absolutely. I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs so, yeah? Lol.

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?

Yes. But I can't remember when... Yeah. Pretty sure.

28. What song is stuck in your head? Gee by SNSD(Girls Generation) They're Korean. A few My Chemical Romance songs

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be? EDWARD CULLEN! Joke! lol. No I don't know. If it was Edward, I'd call the cops. whoever it is though better have an explaination or they are gonna get hit in the head with my Book of Shadows. (Maybe I wouldn’t mind Edward at my window though? Lol.) Uh. My friends? Lol. Idk if I want anyone knocking on my window at 2am.

30.Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I don't know....... Uh. No? Idk. Most likely not gonna happen.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? I can't think of anything right now... Eat. Should probably clean my room.

32. Do you think too much or too little? Way to much! lol. Way way way too much

33. Do you smile a lot? i try to. I think I do. I get told that alot in Theater...

I think so

#questions #throwback #is this a get to know me #idk

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gubes-sweaters · 3 years

Text

Never Be the Same (part 2)

Author's Note: This is part two to the once shot I wrote called Never be the Same. I honestly didn't like the one shot, and I was surprised by the overwhelmingly positive reaction. A lot of people on Tumblr wanted a part two so here it is. I’ve re-written this like three times and this ending I’m semi happy with. Also, don't worry there's a cute fluffy ending.

Content Warning: Arguing, idk just really sad for like half of the story.

Word Count: 2.8k

Never be the Same (part 2): You Have Us

I wake up in a cold and empty bed the next morning. The blankets on Spencer’s side of the bed are still made, so he didn’t come home last night. The sun is stinging my already burning eyes from crying all last night. What did I do? Can we come back from this? I can’t call him and I have no clue where he’s at. I start to get worried to the point that I’m nauseous. I haven't been feeling very good as of late, but I'm chopping it up to the stress of Spencer coming home. I’m trying to think that this feeling in the pit of my stomach as of late is because of how he distanced himself. At first, he wouldn’t keep his hands off me, and he followed me around literally everywhere. Once week three of him being home rolled around, and he started teaching I became a second class citizen. I’m not sure what the freak out was about yesterday because after Spencer got home we didn't have any problems with sex. I mean it only happened once a day or two after he got home, but I thought because it already happened that it would come naturally to us once again.

There's this feeling of nauseousness in the pit of my stomach as I feel the bile rise in the back of my throat. I quickly run to the bathroom and release all of my food from last night. After a minute I can finally pull myself off of the ground and brush my teeth. As I go to brush my teeth a little part of my brain remembers a similar situation I was in about a month before Spencer went to prison.

-Flashback-

“Hey, are you okay?” Spencer consoles me as I’m hunched over the toilet. Despite being a germophobe he insists it’s okay because I need help.

“Yeah I might’ve picked up a stomach bug from work,” I say with my head resting on his shoulder.

He pulls me into a tight embrace before helping me off the ground. I walk over to the sink and go to brush my teeth, but as I do Spencer puts his hand over mine and shakes his head at me.

“You shouldn’t brush your teeth right after you throw up. Just gargle some mouthwash it’ll have the same effect except you’re not brushing the acid into your teeth and gum line.”

“What would I do without you.”

“Probably have problems with plaque,” he says before kissing the crown of my head.

-End of Flashback-

I took Spencer’s advice from a while ago and went to use mouthwash but I couldn't find any. I check the medicine cabinet, a cabinet where we tend to keep extra toiletries for his go-bag, and finally, I check in the cupboard underneath the sink. When I grab the mouth wash I also knock over a small box. I pick it up and I’m reminded of the same day as the mouthwash memory. That day I've never seen Spencer as anxious, excited, and happy.

-Flashback-

“Are you sure? I think you’re being a little over dramatic,”

“I'm completely sure that we should at least check. Between your nauseousness, acid reflux, fatigue, vertigo, and now you’ve missed your cycle twice. I think we have reasons to be at least a little suspicious. Please just take the test for me,” He says while passing me the box with two tests in it.

“Fine, but I don’t think I’m pregnant. So don't get your hopes up,” I say before walking to the bathroom.

I take one of the two tests and Spencer and I wait the ten excruciatingly long minutes. Eventually, the timer went off, and we just stared at each other silently begging the other one to look. Eventually, I conceded because I'm super impatient. I picked up the stick and there was only one line there wasn't even a faint tiny second line.

“As disappointed as I'm sure we both are, we have time. This means that we can both do some pre-planning for our little genius.” I tell him with a sad look on my face reflecting the same look Spencer has on his face.

He just nods in silence. I can tell this really hurt him. Partly because he was so sure, and he's not one to be wrong normally. I can tell that he's mostly disappointed that I wasn't pregnant because he wants to be a father so bad. At least he took my advice for taking this time to plan very seriously. He came home the next day with three baby books which he read them all before I even finished cooking dinner.

-End of Flashback-

That same feeling Spencer had that I lacked the first time I took one of these tests is now very present, but this time I'm the one with the feeling. Something in my gut is telling me to take this test. It’s really stupid because I don't want to worry about my boyfriend and a baby. This couldn't be a more inconvenient time. I'm not on birth control because I've had a bad reaction to the pill in the past, so it’s possible. My heart is telling me, yes, but my brain is telling me no that I'm stupid and I should be worrying about Spencer right now. I go against my brain's wishes and I take the test. In the meantime, while I'm waiting for the test results I set a ten-minute timer, and then I call JJ. We've been friends for a long time now, and she's the reason I met Spencer. When it rings through I assume she’s busy, so I decide to call Garcia instead.

“What's up sugar plum?”

“Hey Pen I hate to ask this of you, but I'm really worried about Spencer. I know he always leaves the house with his work cell no matter what. He left last night and hasn't been home since. I'm worried about him. Can you at least tell me if he's okay?”

“Of course doll. Give me a moment. Is everything alright between you two?” she asks while her fingers were furiously typing away at her keyboard.

“Yeah, just a little bit of a disagreement, nothing to write home about.”

“Okie Dokie his work cell first pinged off a cell tower near Morgan's house, then pinged off a tower near a bar down the street, then finally he’s been at Morgan’s ever since. Is that all I can help you with?”

“Yes, thank you! I owe you one.”

“Oh please sugar the pleasure is all mine.” She says in a flirty tone before hanging up.

Next on the agenda is to call Morgan. I know him pretty well because I was dating Spencer for a couple of years before he retired from the BAU to be with his son. I call Morgan but it rings through. I decide that I might get better results if I talk to Savannah.

“Hey girly! Let me guess you want your boyfriend back;” She says in a goofy tone.

“Huh?”

“Spencer came here last night and said he needed to blow off some steam. He, Derek, and Hank went down to the park about half an hour ago. He didn't look upset at all today or yesterday, so I don't know what he means by blowing off some steam. Either way, he and Morgan have been all smiles all day. I figured something was off because he came here with tears in his eyes, but he hasn’t been crying since-”

Beep

The alarm interrupted both of our thoughts. I walk over to the test as I stammer out a sentence if you can even call it that. With a shaky hand, I pick up the test and look at the stick with two very defined pink lines.

“Hey...hey...um can I come over and talk to Spencer there. We had a bit of a disagreement last night. I think it would be best if someone like Morgan with a level head was there. Only if it’s okay I don’t want to intrude,” I say, my voice and hands shaking as my eyes start to well with tears.

“Nonsense you’re always welcome at our house. Any time of day I'll let the both of them know you’re coming over once they’re back from the park.”

“O--okay I'll see you in a bit,” I say before hanging up.

I decide that I need to calm myself down before driving far out to Morgan’s house. I go to the dollar store not far from our apartment and decide to take two more tests just in case. I also took this time to collect my thoughts and come to terms with the fact that I’m pregnant. Holy shit I’m pregnant! Sure enough, both tests also came back positive. There’s only one possible time it could’ve happened so that means I’m ten going on eleven weeks along.

I drive to Morgan and Savannah's house with two of the three tests in my purse. This isn't the perfect time but I hope that Spencer will hear the good news and the old Spencer might come back to me at least part of him. I take a deep breath as I put my car in park, preparing myself for the worst and best possible situations. As I knock on the door I can feel my heart speed up faster and faster. The door opens to Savannah with a big smile plastered on her face.

“Hey, it’s nice to see you. I’ve missed you so much and I'm sure Morgan does too.” She says before stepping to the side and welcoming me inside.

“It's nice to see you too. Spencer isn't upset is he?”

“No, he's actually sitting with Hank in the living room. He and Morgan have watched Hank trip over his feet for the past hour.”

We both walk into the living room and sure enough, the sight is enough to melt anybody’s heart. Hank uses the coffee table for balance, and he's walking back and forth between Spencer and Morgan.

They both look up after Hank falls on his butt once more. Spencer gives me a tight-lipped smile and Morgan picks up Hank before walking over to me.

”Spencer explained what happened. He doesn't know how to apologize for being so defensive and scared. Be a little lenient on him.” he tells me in a very calm and patient voice. The type of voice that a father should have. I baby talk hank and take in how much he's grown in a short amount of time before making my way over to Spencer. Savannah and Morgan leave the room monetarily and I sit next to Spencer in an awkward silence for a couple of moments.

It was completely silent, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It wasn't until the silence was broken by the sniffles Spencer was trying to contain. I turn to see that hot tears are streaming down his face, and he's looking at me not like he's not angry but scared. I reach out to touch his arm and I hate the way his muscle tensed under my touch. Is he that disgusted with me? He can't even let me be near him comfortably.

“Can you please say something...anything at all.”

“I’m scared,” that's all you hear out of Spencer before he starts sniffling once more.

“Spencer why? Is it me? Did I do something wrong?”

“I’m scared of myself. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m scared you’re going to leave me because I'm not the same. I'm just terrified that I might hurt you even.”

“Oh Spence, you didn't hurt me and I know you wouldn't. If you’re referring to last I know you never would. We need to talk about this. Why did you even go to Morgans in the first place.”

“I knew that I'd be far from you. Morgan had to learn more than once how to feel normal again after a traumatic situation. He also knew what it was like to possibly lose Savannah. I just needed a distraction. I'm sorry I snapped at you, but I didn't want you to press the issue.” He says just barely above a whisper. He can't even look me in the eyes he feels so ashamed. If he does make eye contact it’s a split second, and he looks like a kicked around puppy.

“Spencer… I’m not going to act like I know what you’re going through, but something I can do is be with you the whole time. I get Morgan is like your older brother and you look up to him, but this kind of feels weird having this serious conversation here.”

“I know it feels like we’re invading a bit, let's just go home.”

-time skip-

“This feels much better,” I say as I throw my keys on the countertop.

“It sure does.” He says standing right behind me.

Before he can protest I wrap my arms around him so tight I basically have a death grip on him. After he relaxes into my touch he starts to nestle his face in the crook of my neck.

“I’m just scared of losing you, hurting you, or upsetting you. I realize pushing you away and yelling at you did nothing but put me in jeopardy of doing all three.�� He says as I can feel each breath pass along my neck. It feels like home because this apartment isn't home without him.

“You’re not going to lose me. I love you so much. I'll always be there for you… we’ll always be there for you…” I trail off.

“Yeah I know… wait who else?” He asks while pulling me from him just enough, so he can see my face. With a proud smile from ear to ear I decide it’s now or never to tell him.

“Well, we won’t get to meet them yet. Give it about six months.”

“Wait, you're pregnant?” He asks totally dumbfounded. An IQ of 187 to 60 just like that. I just nod as the tears start to fall, but instead this time they’re happy tears.

“Oh my god! I’m going to be a dad!” He says as he picks me up and twirls me really quick.

“Wait, are you okay? I didn’t cause too much stress right? We’re going to have to do so many things we don’t have enough time. What if I’m not ready?” Panic thickly laced in his voice. His head is obviously going a million miles a minute. I need to bring him back down to earth and quickly.

“Love it’s going to be okay. I saw you with Hank today and I’ve seen you with Henry and Micheal. They all absolutely adore you. It’s going to take time, there's still a lot of healing. It’s all going to be okay because we’re going to have the little family we’ve always wanted. We can worry about all of the details tomorrow. I just want to be right next to you for the rest of the night. Okay?” I say as I lead him to the couch.

“Okay,” He says with a larger than life grin on his face. He leans in to kiss me and this time it wasn’t rushed or filled with dread. It was like he was putting all of his love into one tender little kiss.

“I wish we had more time at Morgans. To think that’s going to be us one day soon. Hank was so adorable waddling around. He couldn’t even get a couple of inches before he fell back on his butt.” Spencer says as he wraps his arms around me. We're cuddling in a way that we're both lying on the couch but my back is to his chest. He rests his chin on my head and his hands on my lower belly.

“Spencer I love you so much, but you have no room to talk. You don’t have much better coordination, Hank might even have you beat.” I giggle a bit before leaning back into him even further.

He laughs at me, and he knows it’s true because he doesn’t even try and rebut what I just said. Finally, everything feels like it’s right back into place. Sure, Spencer will never be the same again, but we can work with what we have. Deep down he’s still just as loving, hopeful, kind, caring, and empathetic as he once was. It’ll just take time, and we have about six months to spare.

Taglist: @rexorangecouny @haylaansmi

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds angst #post prison reid #post prison spencer

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timextoxhajima · 4 years

Text

HOSTIS, Chapter I: Primi Foederis, The First Meeting

Member: Lee Hyunjae (tbz)

Genre (by chapter): angst, drama, comedy featuring doctor hyunjae

Category: Short Novel/ Long Series (because i’m expecting to invest quite a lot of effort into this)

A/N: YEET back with another short novel idk how long this one is going to run. i’m already predicting it’s going to be longer than chaebol juyeon because i have alot of ideas waiting to come out in this one, let’s see if i butcher it LOL. this is the first piece of work i’m posting on tumblr that isn’t part of my playlist feels collection because i don’t think i’ll be able to find a track that fits every chapter well like i’ve been doing for my playlist feels collection. any-o-how, hopefully this is gonna go well... and i’ll see you on the other side ;)

“i’ve invested so much time and effort to make sure i will never have to see you again...”

“but i must’ve done something unforgivable in my past life for fate to put us in the same place,”

“...even after a decade.”

the amygdala helps coordinate responses to things in one’s environment, especially those that trigger an emotional response.

this structure plays an important role in anger.

the rapid, minimal, and evaluative processing of the emotional significance of the sensory data is done when the data passes through the amygdala in its travel from the sensory organs along certain neural pathways towards the limbic forebrain.

emotion caused by discrimination of stimulus features, thoughts, or memories however, occurs when its information is relayed from the thalamus to the neocortex.

based on some statistical analysis, some doctors have suggested that the tendency for anger may be genetic.

but that’s not the case for you.

usually, you’d run your thoughts through your head before you spat them out, but the sight of him was enough to make you want to regurgitate your breakfast.

“you have to be shitting me.”

not one pinch of regret shows in your words, and all you could do was stare in utter disbelief at the man standing right opposite you. the department head had a clipboard in his hand as he flipped through it, only pausing when he heard your cold, yet frustrated tone buried in your expression.

“oh,” he releases the sheets of paper in his hand and places the clipboard down on the table he was leaning on. “so you know each other.”

the gleaming sunlight was shining into the room behind the man standing directly opposite you, and the department head was resting his rear against the edge of the desk between the two of you.

the years of hard work finished themselves as certificates and plaques of achievements that hung on the wall behind him, and from the corner of your eye, you could almost see your own enraged facial expression in the reflection off the awards.

“well, that makes things a lot easier for me, but i am still obligated to facilitate a proper introduction -- meeting -- or whatever the two of you want to call it,” the glasses on his nose would’ve fallen off if he didn’t push them back up his nose bridge.

your eyes were darting back and forth between the department head and the last person you’d ever want to see, or even have within your reach. your jaw was locked and your temples were so tight, you could feel a vein slowly exposing itself on your forehead.

“y/n, this is doctor lee hyunjae, and the both of you will be my mentees for the next two weeks.”

i know his fucking name--

“so until those two weeks are up, i wouldn’t expect anything less than the two of you following me around like little puppies,”

puppies? just call us dogs and that’ll already be half the truth.

“and after that, there’ll be a high chance that you’ll both need work on a research project with the research department--”

“‘research department’?” you blurt out rudely, but the department head doesn’t look like he could care less.

“did i say that wrong?” he raises an indifferent brow at you, arms crossed over his chest while he pulls his shoulder blades backwards.

there was no way you would’ve complained about med school being so difficult if you knew this day was coming. the energy required to contain your desire to punch lee hyunjae in the nose and ram your knee into his groin was enough to drain you in that very moment.

you would’ve passed out if you weren’t standing in the department head’s office.

“i agree it’s not like the hospital to put two young doctors to work on a research project, but the work the both of you did in your respective schools were a little difficult for the research department to ignore.”

‘respective schools’...

the silence becomes deafening, and the department head starts to smack his lips awkwardly loudly. “so if you have no further questions for now, i’d like you to fill up some administrative forms for the hospital to finalise, and then i’ll see you in the cafeteria for lunch at twelve,” he pulls out some sheets of paper from the clipboard and hands it to the two of you after slotting them into clear files.

“after lunch, i’ll give you one more tour around the hospital and a more detailed orientation of the north wing where the research department is... and the east wing where the neurology department is, which the two of you would be officially attached to and on document.”

you skim through the documents in the file, and your eyes naturally travel back up to look at your mentor.

“so if there are no further questions, you may go.”

both you and lucifer bow to your mentor, and he waits for the both of you to leave the office before he returns to his huge leather seat.

you let yourself out the door, not bothering to hold it open for your colleague. the grip on the clear file was tightening every second and you don’t realise you were on the verge of crumpling the contents of it. every muscle and feature on your face were compressed in itself, but luckily it doesn’t catch the attention of passing hospital staff and patients walking along the hall way.

the reflection off the frame of the lift tells you that your lips were white from the airtight closure, and you jab the lift button like you hated it.

“just so you know, i’m not fond of the idea of being stuck with you for an indefinite amount of time either.”

“ha,” you scoff, watching him stand a safe distance behind you in the reflection. “i must be so lucky for you to be able to read my expression and distaste... especially with how hard i tried to hide it.”

he snorts behind you, and the air hits the hair of your ponytail.

“you’ve never been able to hide your feelings anyway,”

this piece of--

“so it would be such an honor to even see you try.”

your eye twitches and your lips pucker in rage at the smug tone in his voice. you turn on one heel and raise the file, ready to swing it into his face.

“you--”

he grabs your wrist, waiting for your strength in your forearm to dissipate. you begin to writhe your way out of his grip with pursed lips, and he drops it like it wasn’t attached to you.

you take a step back towards the lift and mindlessly pat down your white coat, glaring at him with eyes you wish had daggers.

“nice to know your temper hasn’t changed.”

“i have a designated type of temper when it comes to you, not because i have anger management issues.”

the lift arrives and the doors open to reveal an empty space, pouring a bucket full of agony and scorn over your head when the realisation of being stuck with lee hyunjae for an indefinite amount of time sinks into your neurons.

just being around lee hyunjae was so difficult to swallow.

if you weren’t in a hospital with patients who had an actual reason to throw up, you would’ve done it in plain sight.

if you knew there were no laws to sentence you to death for murder, you would’ve stabbed him in the eye.

if you weren’t a doctor who took a pledge to only save lives just under a week ago, you would’ve poisoned him with some godforsaken virus mankind has found a way to contain.

you would’ve enjoyed lunch and the tour of the hospital, despite it being your third time wandering around the compound, if it weren’t for the fact that the last person you wanted to see was standing right next to you the entire duration.

becoming a doctor was nothing short of prestige and honour for your family, especially when you’ve come from a long line of neurosurgeons and relatives who would’ve spent more time inhaling the scent of a certain hospital than their own homes.

it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that it was in your blood to follow in everybody else’s footsteps; your parents would’ve probably freaked out and started worrying that you were someone’s secret illegitimate child if you didn’t become one.

“you must be y/n,” the doctor who had white hair and a wrinkly forehead had to be peeled and shoved off the seat by your mentor for him to get up and greet you.

“this is doctor kim, head of research for neurology,” your mentor introduces as doctor kim shakes your hand.

“and you must be lee hyunjae,” he shakes lucifer’s hand.

‘petty’ was a word nobody usually associated you with, but you busked in the little sprinkle of glory and smugness when you see lee hyunjae’s lips twitch in disgust when he shakes the hand that just touched yours.

“if you’re working on research, then you will report to doctor kim--”

“i’ve seen both your reports and research work and they are phenomenal--”

“uh, doctor kim--”

“how did oxford manage to come up with this set of data?” he literally sweeps his bony, wrinkled hands across the table, looking for something you assume he took from lucifer’s application portfolio.

“doctor--”

“and how did harvard even think about this link? it’s so mind-boggling, i must admit i haven’t really wrapped my head around it--”

“doctor kim!”

the sharp call startles you, and everybody else in the office turns to provide the group of you their attention.

“sorry,” your mentor raises his hand and gives a small apologetic bow. “doctor kim,” he gently removes the items the old research doctor has grasped in his hands and places them elsewhere on the table.

you note that though doctor kim does not look a day older than sixty, he must’ve been losing his brain cells and composure from all the research he’s been doing.

“the two of them will be officially placed in the neurology department under me, but do you remember that email you sent to me about wanting them to join your team?”

“of course! what do you treat me as?” the elder man frowns and pulls off his glasses, fists resting on his hips and looking up at your mentor.

the sight lifts your spirits a little, and you momentarily forget that lucifer was standing right next to you.

“uh-- okay, well, all you gotta do is drop me an email about one week prior to whenever you need them, but for these two weeks they are still going to be trainees mentored by me, you follow?”

the elder man squints at him with eyes that scream ‘i’m not an idiot’, and your mentor takes the cue.

“after the two weeks are up, just drop them an email one week prior to when you need them and you can cc them to me. they may be bright lights in the dark but it might not necessarily guide the right people.”

“will you shut your trap--” the elder doctor picks up a thick file and rams it into your mentor’s head. your eyes widen in shock, hand flying up to your mouth to hide your surprise at the sudden attack. lucifer stands by and crosses his arms over his chest, a light smile appearing over his lips.

“with enough honing and experience, they can go a long way,” he drops the file back onto his table. “you didn’t start here with as much potential as these kids do.”

“okay!” your mentor exclaims, turning around and waving the two of you away from the office space. “if that’s all doctor kim, we’re going to take our leave!”

“you better not let those kids think i’m a crazy old man!” he waves the thick file at all of you, and you give him a little wave while your mentor ushers the both of you out of the office space.

a laugh escapes your nostrils, and your mentor looks down at you with a look of embarrassment while the three of you return to the lift lobby.

“are you two close?” lucifer asks, pressing the button on the lift panel.

“he was my mentor when i first came here as a trainee, so he’s been looking after me since then, even after i stopped being his mentee.”

“oh,” you nod. “that’s nice.”

“well, he is getting on with age,” the lift arrives and he pauses while the hospital staff exit. someone in the crowd greets him.

you and lucifer follow him inside, and he presses the button of the floor that connects the north wing to the east wing.

“so it’s only a matter of time before he retires. i don’t want the hospital to be the last place he’s in and i don’t want the last time he was seen... alive... to be him burying his nose in his research papers. he doesn’t have his own family so he’s either alone at home or in the office and working until someone chases him home.”

“hasn’t the hospital or... i don’t know... you, talked to him about retiring?”

the lift doors open, and you notice the pause in the air.

lucifer’s question struck a chord somewhere, and your mentor was showing it.

“both the hospital and i have talked to him about it, but it’s not easy leaving a place you love working in...”

a pause.

“or at least a place you’ve been working it for more than forty years.”

he brings the both of you to the neurology department and returns the two of you to your neighbouring offices after he concludes the orientation and tour.

the scent of the hospital would’ve been nauseating for some people, patients especially. but there was something about the way the place smelled that convinced you becoming a doctor was worth the effort and hard work.

the way the air smelled like medicine and iv disinfectant made you hopeful for patients, the obligation for every surface to be spick and span never failed to satiate your need for hygiene.

you were finally in a place you wanted to be.

the only downfall was that you were going to be stuck with lucifer for how long, you don’t even know.

“so that concludes the tours and orientation. i hope it was adequate and even if it wasn’t, don’t hesitate to drop by my office and ask me anything you deem important enough to ask. otherwise you can just email me,” he slides his hands into his coat pockets.

the two of you bow, ready to admire his back leaving the two of you before you could roll your eyes at each other.

but he doesn’t leave.

“but before i go,” he raises a single pointer in the air, his other hand still in the pocket. “i’d like the both of you to know that the hospital has no space for... a lack of professionalism.”

you bite down on your bottom lip, slightly embarrassed.

lucifer wasn’t going to let this go.

“everybody has their differences, so i hope while the two of you have yours, it won’t affect your work here. the two of you are promising, and doctor kim wasn’t lying when he said the two of you have more potential than me when i first joined the hospital. with enough experience, the both of you could reach heights even i can only dream of.”

“oh, you flatter us,” lucifer provides a humble chuckle and waves it off.

fake ass.

“i give credit where it’s due,” he returns his hand to the pocket. “so don’t prove me wrong.”

he doesn’t wait for either of you to respond before he walks off. the atmosphere hanging between the two of you was so still, so cold, so frozen, you were almost afraid that if you moved first, he was going to burst into some maniacal laughter.

you suck in a deep breath, your eyes fluttering shut as the cold air sours your nose. the inhalation causes a sharp ache in your chest, not that it bothered you.

“if he says that we both have potential, then i guess that puts us on the same pedestal.”

light seeps in through your lids and you watch the other hospital staff walk in and out of the office, his words running into your ear canals and sinking into the flesh of your brain.

your hear lucifer turn around, and the pens in his pockets click against each other upon his movement. your eyes fixate on a clock on the wall opposite you and beyond some smaller cubicles. the red, digital numbers hanging right between the two lifts glaring at you like a demon’s eyes.

you hear the door of his office click and the friction of the rubber on the bottom of the glass door brushes against the carpeted floor.

“you know,”

you sense the stoppage in his movements upon hearing the sudden words leaving your lips.

“i’ve invested so much time and effort to make sure i will never have to see you again...”

a smile of pain and despair pulls the corners of your lips up your cheek, and you turn your head enough to see him in the corner of your eye.

“but i must’ve done something unforgivable in my past life for fate to put us in the same place.”

you turn back and look at the clock, everyone’s movements within your field of vision slowing down.

“...even after a decade.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2: Antiquum Fabulum

#timetohajima #lee hyunjae #hyunjae #the boyz #the boyz hyunjae #doctor hyunjae #angst #drama #comedy #what #timetohajima hostis

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cluelesslesbian · 3 years

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Check-In Tag✨

AKA a very long post about moi and this account bc I was tagged by the lovely @katelfiredemon <3

IF YOU SEE THIS, PRETEND I'M TAGGING U like this is completely optional (and long omg) so I don't wanna FORCE anyone to do it but asjhkl I think it's cute

1. why did you choose your url?

My og url was something dumb bc I only used tumblr to keep up with artists and writers I admired… this one is revamped to be ~relatable~ bc I wanted something that I felt comfortable adding on my art?? But ok-

clueless = because THERE’S TIMES THAT I’M A LIL SLOW TO GET A JOKE SDFHJKL

lesbian = bc I’m not out to my family but my sexuality is something I like about me,,, so I wanted to acknowledge it somewhere (and the anonymity of tumblr = ideal tbh)

2. any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

I made one like yesterday lol! It’s @blue-dragon-shin-ah and it’s for Akatsuki no Yona (an anime and manga I TOTALLY rec! It’s like a historical themed fantasy, comedy, romance WITH a found family trope it’s so good)

but ngl I have no clue how to keep track of more than 1 blog so it'll be a lot more inactive than this one asdhkl

3. how long you’ve been on tumblr?

hmm according to my tumblr account it’d be 2016 since that’s the oldest post I’ve kept (I deleted everything and revamped this acc in december 2020)

BUT I did the math and I would’ve made this account in middle school so around 2013-2014 lol I don’t think I used it much until voltron was booming in like 2016-2018.. Then I lowkey stopped… until now!

4. do you have a queue tag?

oof no

……...I probably should? like 90% of my blog is queued or scheduled… but ngl I barely remember to tag posts at ALL some nights so I probably won’t (rip if that’s annoying,, but I don’t make much og content so I figure anyone following me is chill with this lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

In middle school?? To see funny posts and not be pressured into having an ~online presence~ tbh. That’s literally it lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and keith's expressions r hilarious

Before I just,,, chose sokka bc I love that blue boi and the edit of him had a yellow bg that I LOVED (and matched with my pink theme)

7. why did you choose your header?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and klance sdjfhk

Before it was just a colour palette bc I wanted my blog to be my fav colour: PINK

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

My zukka art omg- like I did one that I put effort into which I KNOW is my top post (it’s got like 600 notes??? I still can’t believe it I love that!! 🥰)

BUT MY SECOND TOP IS A POST OF REALLY REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF THEM AND I LOWKEY CRINGE AT IT (it’s got like 500 notes.. And I’m like… y ?? I can DO BETTER 😭)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

…...listen I’ve literally never had mutuals until this year (minus my one irl.. I love u bitch!! but u know that bc we text on other platforms too)

idek am i supposed to be keeping track??? I just smile a lot when i see the darker-tinted notifs in my activity feed

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmmmmmm ok i lowkey don’t want to answer this bc my whole love for tumblr is that followers don’t matter? You could follow me today and unfollow tmrw bc i ship something you don’t and life moves on??? So yeah no answer here

11. how many people do you follow?

1807 babeyyyy

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

...wait define shitpost- technically any original post under #yeetidk might be a shitpost cause they’re all just?? my shitty rambles tbh???

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Sometimes i’ve got the app open allll day long but other days?? I’ll go on like once in the morning or at night just to check my notifs and then that’s it

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

lmaoo bold of you to assume i interact with anyone enough to have a fight (AKA no)

If i did tho?? I’m the type to try and come to some middle ground before dropping the issue so idk- i’m more likely to lose bc i’m willing to （づ￣3￣）

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Wish-granting/curse stuff: no.

Politics/Donation posts: depends! I try to only reblog posts like these that I know a bit about bc I don’t really wanna contribute to misinformation ykno?

I did start tagging these posts as #important but I’m not like?? gonna be mad at anyone for not reblogging political posts (also a heads-up if you wanted to block #important: I also tag some lgbt+ stuff under there so you’ll likely miss those too, not a huuuge loss but just an fyi yknow??)

16. do you like tag games?

asdfghjkl this is honestly the first tag game i’ve ever been part of so i have no opinion 😭 tho formatting this post has been a bitch asdhjkl I gotta get back to my homework when I'm finally done this

17. do you like ask games?

I've done a grand total of 1 and I felt so?? ashgjl awkward and bad for asking people to talk to me about myself- maybe if I do one that isn't about me I'll like it more

I do love sending other people anons to compliment them when they do these games tho 😌

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

....this requires me to pay attention to people I follow more than I have been so I literally have no idea??

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

yes. the one readings this. love u, sweetheart 😘

/jokes

I don't?? usually get crushes? idek.. thought I was aromantic for a while bc of that lmaoo (but then I got a crush on someone irl and I was like "oooh ok so maybe im just gay then")

#did i proofread any of this?? no. did I copy and paste someone else's q&a and type over it?? yup #so if u see anything kinda wack asdhklj ignore it. i gotta go back to my homework #about me #blame the coffee

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im-the-punk-who · 3 years

Text

20 Questions - Writer’s Edition

Tagged by @myrmidryad <3 <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

40, which seems...low. lmao. but mostly because i never end up posting things i write LMAO

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

96,197! which....is hilarious considering one of my eternal WIPS also jut hit 90k last week woops.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

On AO3:

Black Sails (20)

Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019) (11)

Captain America (Movies) (5)

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling (2)

Kingdom Hearts (Video Games) (1)

The Umbrella Academy (TV) (1)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (1)

On ff.net/LJ i had more Harry Potter stuff and i know there is still some Zim fanfic on my DA....

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Memories, Like Water, Can Be Tainted or Distilled; Sometimes Will Evaporate

is unfortunately always going to be first because it was written at the height of Stucky fandom and you just don’t recover from those sort of numbers xD

The Trouble With Jersey (Working title) - same deal. CapFam/Stucky fic at the height of CapFandom whoops

Between Breath and Love, I Choose Him - Okay I’m actually pretty happy this is number three because Black Sails fans are sluts and I love that journey for them <3 Also choking kink my beloved. <3

The Corner Booth - Drarry fic (antagonistic). what else is there to say.

Play, Boys - oh, abandoned WIP, my beloved. You deserved better but alas the hyperfixation wants what she wants.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Ohhhhh god i don’t know. I know the angstiest ending I ever *planned* was for I Couldn't Get The Boy To Kill Me but I never posted the rest of that. Hmm, otherwise maybe the On Purpose series, which is a Black Sails post London series about Miranda and James so like. Angst angst angst angst.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Bold of you to assume I’ve written an ending to any of my fics. Okay well, Tying Rockets To Shoe Strings is going to have a happy ending if it kills me. Most of my one shots end ...fairly happily....? I think....?

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t only because if I don’t hyperfixate on something the brain simply Turns Off.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA almost exclusively. BUT I am very very into kink smut and D/s, A/B/O fic(although I don’t think I’ve ever posted any...) ot so much into the more vanilla smut - most of my explicit fics will have some level of light kink even if it’s just a little bit of choking play or like. Brat Michael.

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Oh god. You know how you go ‘I will do this when the Brain Returns From War’ ? Yeah. I do try to respond to comments but I’m....so bad at it. If I didn’t respond to your comment it’s not because I don’t appreciate it, it is that The Brain Turned That Function Off.

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

You know what I actually don’t think so which is weird but maybe I’m just not popular enough to receive that kind of attention. xD Although I have gotten plenty of hate on meta I’ve written so maybe that balances it out?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

God Bless if I have.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I had co-written or started co-writing a couple things but they never got published for one reason or another. I would really love to, though!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship to write for?

I don’t think i could ever pick a favorite but honestly Axel/Roxas will always get me. But Malex is right now the favorite child.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Did You Mean, All Of Them? I am notoriously so bad at long fics that I feel like this is All Of Them but the one I absolutely know I will never finish is Play, Boys (Umbrella Academy) and I Couldn't Get The Boy To Kill Me (Captain America)

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, I think? Also I think I’m pretty good at writing smut.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing my goddamn fics, honestly. I also tend to be not great at keeping a consistent verb tense and...if I let myself go on an internal character monologue I *will* ramble for one thousand words without any physical indicators.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I LOVE it, i love it i love it i love it, although same as Gin, because I’m not *reaaaally* fluent in anything but french and english i haven’t written much actual dialogue. Although in Doubting Thomas I play around with how the language barrier affects the communication and such by using other indicators other than typing out hte dialogue, which has been a really fun process. (Although none of that part is posted because.....see ‘weaknesses’ LMAO

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Neopets. I said what I said. (actually it was probably Sailor Moon or Tamora Pierce’s Protector of the Small series.)

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

God okay listen I love all my children equally but honestly Doubting Thomas and Tying Rockets To Shoe Strings, the parts i’m working on right now are just REALLY GOOD okay i know i’m never probably going to post them but they’re SO GOOD. Posted, I am actually REALLY please with how Sound Garden turned out, and Sometimes A Family and Into The Blinding Sun both just HIT that found family vibe that sets me off. Special shoutout to Hand In Unloveable Hand and Some Boys Do for being my own personal comfort fics <3

UHHH TAGGING???? YOU WANT ME TO TAG???? PEOPLE???? lmao @queer-crusader, @angrycowboy, @ladynox, @bydayornight, UHHHHH literally anyone in the black sails discord please i know none of your tumblr handles but I know you’re all fantastic writers. @haloud IDK EVERYONE?????

#about the author #tag memes #about milo #milo writes #IDK yall im an aries i cant finish anything that takes more than a week to write sorryyyyyy lmao

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cowboy-anon · 3 years

Note

Sorry for my longer ask, but I just binged all the introduction posts of all the various Apples and I wanted to make my own. Also this one is a little strange, but whatever. Also also, I’m shy because of the long ask and it being a weird fruit, but I might come off anon later, once I’m feeling less anxious.

Okay so I grew up near the Amazon rainforest and ate a lot of cacao fruit because non native fruit was more expensive and my parents only bought even now and then. Anyway, cacao comes in these brown pods that you have to break open and get the white fruit from inside. The taste is a sweet, tropical taste with a kinda sour aftertaste. Also, there’s beans inside of the fruit that if you crush them up and add some sugar, boom, you got chocolate.

So for the actual OC, I was thinking an person of color, specifically South American descent, probably with white dyed hair, but you can change it. He seems super sweet and kind at first but as you get to know him, you realize he can be sarcastic and a jerk at times (like a sour aftertaste, right?). Would probably hurt Banana, Orange, and OG Apple’s feelings with his sudden mean attitude. But past all his rudeness, he actually just wants a friend. (Sweet like chocolate). Idk what his relationship with the salesman or Clay is like, but Clay probably bought him because he seemed so sweet, but quickly grew to despise him on account of his sarcasm and rudeness.

........

Okay, so it turns out I... I guess I just never did post this...... So like, note to self, because apparently being on Tumblr is teaching me lots of life lessons recently, but A) don’t assume to know who people on anon are based on random coincidences because if you’re wrong you will look very silly and B) double check things before you go freaking out about them being gone because, well, see the end of lesson A. So apparently Life Lessons with CB should just be a thing. Learn from my mistakes please lol.

But hey, at least it’s here and not murdered by Tumblr as I previously thought. That’s good. Uh, moving on now. :)

__________

We’re skipping the Blackberry Apple-sona for now because I know “emo” and “goth” don’t all fit the stereotype and I want to make sure I get it right but anyway. :)

I know I’ve said this before but whatever lol. The long ask is a-okay! that just means I have more stuff to work with! :D You don't have to worry about coming off anon either. Just do whatever you feel comfortable with. <3

As for the fruit being weird, really aren’t they all? I mean, if I wasn’t familiar with bananas, I would be like, “Hey, that’s a pretty weird fruit!” Lol, ya know?

Quick CW: Food, torture mention

I will admit I stared at these pictures for a good two minutes lol. I was like, “Huh. Didn’t expect that,” lol, mostly ‘cause my first thought was “???” and my second was “...marshmallows?” So yeah, “weird” is a relative term, and I suppose it’s not so much weird as unique. :)

Introducing Cacao!

Ooh, I definitely like the white hair, and heck yeah we can go South American descent! All the Apple-sonas are actually POC and mixed race, and while I don’t have anything like definitively written out for them, I think they’re all Black and Hispanic. (Although Cacao, being of South American descent, would be Latino.) Just a lil’ fun fact!

So onto Cacao’s personality, I think you’re pretty spot on! He definitely looks the part of someone who’s super sweet, and that’s definitely what people see first. He’s super nice and caring and generous at first, but get to know him a little more, and you realize he does indeed have a more sour side to him. A defense mechanism he developed when he was a kid that’s unfortunately now showing its drawbacks.

What originally sounded like joking actually turns out to be actually rude remarks. Almost everything he says is sarcastic, but you can’t pick out the sarcastic tone until you’ve been around him long enough to notice it. All in all, he seems nice, but he isn’t too nice in reality.

Cacao w/ the salesman and Clay

Cacao didn’t spend too much time with the salesman. With how sweet he seemed, he also seemed incredibly well trained, and it wasn’t even a week before our buyer Clay showed up for him.

Cacao manages to keep the sweet facade on for less than a week before his more sour side starts leaking through to Clay. Of course, purchasing Cacao, Clay wanted a cute, obedient pet. However, Cacao’s snark and sarcasm very quickly has Clay being less than nice to Cacao in return.

But his Clay keeps him, because he spent good money on him. All he needs is a little attitude adjustment is all. Only he doesn’t really change because how are you supposed to be nice to someone who’s not nice to you? Over time, Cacao learns to hold his tongue, which is like... a little bit closer to being nice I suppose. But he’s definitely up there as one of the more defiant Apple-sonas, and while he doesn’t hate Clay so much--I mean, this is what pets sign up for, isn’t it?--he definitely doesn’t love him.

I don’t know if he gets a Jimmy yet. >:)

Cacao w/ the Apple-sonas

Oh, he definitely accidentally hurts OG Apple’s, Banana’s, and Orange’s feelings. Coconut’s, too. And Peach’s (Star Fruit’s). He even makes Cherimoya cry. :,,,) Not on purpose of course, but Cow definitely makes him apologize to each and every one of them like a total parent, and that’s when they make it their mission to help Cacao become a better pet person.

And they eventually all realize that underneath all the snark and rudeness, Cacao really is a nice, funny guy. And they become bestest friends! :D

(Oh, and Cacao definitely has sticky hands. No one knows why, not even him. All they know is fist bumps, not high fives lol.)

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kindlespice · 3 years

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late ass replies but this time i have so much stuff to reply to that i actually need to split things up into categories :))))

also i apologize if any of this is no longer relevant / i am of absolutely no help :)))

otherwise, if you’ve asked a reshade related question...uh... sometime between christmas and now LMAO then it’s probably here!

nonny :

Hello Mikayla, I hope you're having a lovely year so far. I just wanted to ask this about the dove preshade (1st question here) kindlespice/tumblr/com/post/632163463099269120/ft-reshade-questions-a-theme-question-nonny i'm having the same problem, i have a new computer and after installing the game and it's last 3 updates and then the reshade it's not looking the same and it sucks bc i know how it's supposed to look (1)

the shadows are not as noticeable, the transparency between the walls is not there and the blur is gone (i have miiko´s ghibli's cloud override but i had that on my old computer and the reshade still looked normal) idk if it's the game or the reshade but it sucks bc i love how the original looks like anyways it would be really helpfull if you could answer. Take care and stay safe :))!!! (2/2)

hi hi! thanks for the kind message and i hope your year is going well! if I had to take a guess, I would say that maybe some of your settings in-game have changed? I would double check and make sure you’ve got edge smoothing off, and you could try turning off post-processing as well (im not ACTUALLY sure if turning off post processing does anything but it’s worth a shot!) otherwise i would try removing the preset and redownloading it? maybe the settings of the preset got jacked up and you can fix it by re-installing. let me know if this helps! if not, then you can always dm me so i can see pics of your situation!

nonny:

Hi! Sorry if this is worded odd but I just downloaded your Leif reshade and have completed all the steps, however there is still this blur over the screen which isn't the best for game play. If you could help explain how to toggle it for gameplay/cas that would be great :)

hi hi! the blur is the DoF (depth-of-field). it’s used for taking screenshots and is supposed to make the background all blurry. to disable it, you can use the hotkey shift-2 or open the reshade menu and manually untick the DoF option!

nonny:

Hi, i just installed the latest version of the dove preset and my game is dark. It is the MXAO that is doing it but i don't have the preprocessor definitions box. How do i fix it?

hello! im assuming you have a 4.0 version of reshade if you can’t find the box. in this version, it’s a blue tab called “Edit Global Preprocessor Definitions” beneath all the toggleable effects. if you have an earlier version, it should be under the “settings” tab at the top though.

nonny:

Hello!! Thank you so much for your work! I have a really quick question - so I am trying to work with the reshade and got it all set but when I play around with it, my objects don’t look “rounded”. If that makes sense. Other people who use it, their objects look rounded and smooth and just different (I have an image for reference) but mine just looks like the normal objects just different colors. Is there something I’m missing or doing something wrong? I have all the settings correct. :)

hi hi! hmm, im not really sure what that could be... probably something to do with mxao bc it’s always something to do with mxao lol. I would double check to make sure you have this line in your preprocessor definitions: RESHADE_DEPTH_INPUT_IS_REVERSED = 0 this line should equal 0 for the mxao to work properly. that might give you the “rounded” look. if this doesn’t fix it for you then you should go ahead and dm me so i can see what the game looks like!

nonny:

Hey, I tried your Dove preset but my game just can't handle it, it's pretty old and I just have to uninstall the reshade (even though I really loved the effect) but I'm scared to do anything in the Game folder or delete anything. Could you please help me with what to remove? I'm scared to break my game if I delete something that souldn't be deleted :( I tried searching for this in your WCIF and reshade questions and couldn't find an answear. Please help

hello! sorry to hear that your game can’t handle the preset :( here’s to hoping you can get an upgrade in the future! anyhow, to uninstall; i believe you only need to remove

ReShade - config settings (it’ll have a little paper w/ gear next to it)

d3d9.dll - application extension (it’ll have a little paper w/ gears ON it)

d3d9 - text document (little paper w/ lines icon)

reshade-shaders - folder

your reshade presets - config settings (if you remove the files above first though, you won’t be able to use/see these in-game)

that should uninstall reshade from your game! and don’t worry, if you accidentally remove something you didn’t want to, you can “verify your game files” through origin and that should restore any missing files. unless you.. *ahem*... acquired your game through other means... in which case be careful XD

@maddybarbz

Omg I don't know if you are active or not but I'm having some problems. So I downloaded the 3.0.8 and it was going smoothly but I loaded the game it said that magic bloom had issues.

i don’t know if im active either. probably not tbh XD but im here now so here ya go! i would recommend deleting the shaders you’re having problems with and then putting back the 3.0.8 shaders you downloaded. it’s really easy for things to break / be incompatible during the install so your best bet is always to delete the ones giving you trouble and put the new ones in.

@kaiamikulka

hi! I’ve been jealously stalking your page for a while, because I’m in love with the dove preset, but I’m very confused about how to download it. My computer keeps marking it as a virus, so i was kinda scared to download it. and when i finally did, it didn’t show up in my game. could you walk me through how to download it?(i have a pc laptop)

Thank you so much,

Kaia☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️

hi hi! lol im flattered for the jealousy stalk! anyway im not sure why it wouldn’t be showing up in game? unless you were so excited that you forgot to install reshade with it? i have a video here explaining how to install a recent version of reshade and set up dove with it so you can check that out here !

@bojanastarcevic

Hello, I've been trying to fix the dove reshade for a long time, but the new version just doesn't support it, and the old version spoils the game and sometimes it won't even start ... Would you consider trying to make the same preset version for the latest reshade version? I'll be very grateful because your preset is the most beautiful I have ever seen?! 😘😂Don't know if you still play of work on your game but like I said if you have time to try make new one couse everyone was looking for it!!! 😉😘😘😘

hi hi! i totally understand not using the earlier versions--these later ones are soo much more user friendly!--but i’ve been able to get the preset to work with later versions (4.7.0 is the latest i’ve tried though) and it looks, if not the same, then very close to the original. I have a video here explaining how i did it if you’re really eager to have it

in the future i guess i could try to re-release the preset? i can’t give you an eta bc im lazy and i fall off the face of the earth regularly, but i do think it would help to have updated instructions right on the face of the download.

#i think i might make another reshade video #one that's not an hour long and is more put together LMAO #like #i should actually go IN GAME to show people how busted reshade really is #XDD #rereleasing dove is probably the play too...#god i really wish i had put a read more on that post #:((((#asks #reshade

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