#i've barely been able to sleep for SEVERAL reasons

[windtraces]

-tries not to be paranoid- -knows for sure that the blog checking has happened- -tries fucking hard until the schizotypy itself explodes-

#i'm too fucking tired to not be schizotypal right now #i've barely been able to sleep for SEVERAL reasons #and if you see this after i blocked you or someone tells you about this then fuck you. fuck you and how dare you #i'm not giving details just #if i don't have you blocked this isn't about you so no worries to mutuals and stuff #but jesus christ i feel really paranoid and i keep thinking about things #and specifically one thing where someone saw my posts about completely unrelated shit #i don't want to cry i need to work but i just know i'm gonna be paranoid as hell #quarantining my schizo meltdown to tags at least instead of the post itself #ventipost

[actuallyadhd]

Why do my ADHD meds only help in making me able to get up every morning, instead of actually doing something for my ADHD symptoms?

After Ritalin didn't work at all, my psychiatrist put me on Vyvanse (50mg). I've been taking it for at least two years now, and it helped me beyond belief. But not in a 'aiding in concentration' way, instead, the only thing they do is not letting me go into a catatonic state all day.

Whenever I'm off my meds, I return to the same condition I was in before starting them: I can barely get up. It's a fatigue so intense I literally cannot do anything but the very basic, let alone study. I honestly cannot tell you how I survived so many years without it.

Yet, no matter how much they improve my quality of life (and though my sensory issues got more manageable), they don't do anything to aid in my studies. I still cannot focus on tasks, nor manage my hyperactivity (be it in a physical or mental level). I still get executive dysfunction, talk too much and too loud, can't sit still, have no restraint or self-control and am basically still the same inattentive, agitated person I always was. Am I just in a too-low dose, or there's something else wrong with me?

(Crossposted from Reddit. Sorry if this is too long, and feel free to take as long as you need to answer this!)

Sent December 8, 2023

There are a lot of different reasons this may be happening, and the first one that comes to mind is that your dose may be too low.

There is another aspect that's important, and that is the need to manage your expectations.

Medication doesn't make all of your ADHD symptoms go away. It doesn't make you neurotypical. It doesn't magically give you the skills you never learned due to ADHD stuff.

It sounds like you have quite severe ADHD (hi! Same here!), which makes every single little thing harder. But here's the Really Simplified Explanation about how meds help.

Let's say that a person's overall functioning can be rated on a scale of 1-10, where 1 is "completely neurotypical" and 10 is "completely non-functional".

Given this, your unmedicated ADHD is at a 7 or 8, and it sounds like your medication is pulling you to around a 5, or maybe a 4. This sounds awful, but what it does is give you the ability to actually learn the skills you need so that you stand a chance of being slightly more functional when you're off your meds.

The other part of this is that the Big Four (sleep, diet, exercise, & stress) also affect your functioning, and if any of them is out of whack then your medication won't be able to help as much. So having something screwing with you may put you at a 9, and then your meds will only be able to get you to a 6.

Things that may help with the issues you've listed here include active breaks, fidget toys, and lots of routines. We have lots of information about all of these here, but if you want specific information about any of it please feel free to ask.

Followers, what do you think about this situation? Do you have any advice?

-J

#adhd #actually adhd #asks #anonymous #meds #executive dysfunction #school

[megumi-fm]

☆ little changes in my routine with big positive impacts ☆

sleep schedule: after years of trying to make the regular 10pm-6am sleep cycle work for me, I have decided to stop. time is a construct and there is no reason to sleep or wake up at 'conventional time' if my body clock is different. recently I've been going to bed at around 12:30pm/1:00am and I wake up at around 7:30am- which seems to be my body wake time. because of this, I wake feeling refreshed although I'm getting lesser hours of sleep. in fact, I wake up before my alarm rings on most days, and it's always a joy to learn that I get to spend ten more minutes in bed before my clock rings xD

night showers: another thing that has greatly helped my sleep is taking a shower a bit before bed. I find it really calming and as a way of actively processing the day and clearing my head before going to bed. I can also skip morning showers on days I need to get to work early. Plus, clean clothes and clean sheets help me sleep better. the only disadvantage to this is that I'm a shower singer and I tend to get in the feels and belt out notes to my favourite songs, which I can't do anymore considering the fact that my shower is around 11am and I shouldn't be disturbing the neighbors :P

switching out social media: deleting social media apps was the easy part. the real challenge was trying to find things to do in those spark moments of boredom when I find myself on the phone. I tried reading ebooks, but I wasn't able to focus. so I started bookmarking links I find interesting so that I can check them out whenever I get the urge to doomscroll. a lot of studyblr link cool videos or articles on their dop posts often, but most of my links come from the Tom Scott Newsletter. unlike the tiredness that comes with doomscrolling, I always feel refreshed and smarter when I use my phone lately. the urge to use my phone has weaned off as well.

digital journaling: when I first started journaling several years ago, it just did not work for me. I think I was more focused on writing everything in a certain way and implementing trackers and spreads that weren't functional for me. but I switched to notion for the past few months and stripped down the journalling process to it's bare essentials. I add a to-do list for the day, a cute picture I either took or found on the internet, and a note on how my day went and how I felt. there's also a checkbox for sleep, water, and exercise. sometimes I add notes on stuff I watch or read, but for the most part it's just this. it takes me just 15min, and I can update it as and when I like because of the phone app, and it helps me stay productive and motivated for the whole day. sometimes I embed gifs of my fav blorbos and go on about them 🤭

#might add more stuff as months pass but these have been really impactful changes and I'm glad I made them :)) #studyblr #studyspo #study motivation #student #study blog #megumi.fm

[lifeiskentastic]

Ken makes a gift to the gn!Reader

Gif by @gay-bucky-barnes

A/N: I seem to be the type of writer who goes on tumblr once a month, posts something from drafts, and then goes back into the shadows. well, that's my role…

Summary: Ken makes a sudden (but very pleasant) gift to the gn!Reader;

Word count: 660 words;

Hope you like it!

Over the past week, something very strange has been happening in Barbieland. Not only did you barely see Ken, but when you did get a chance to say hello, he seemed to evaporate (or ducked into the first pile of fallen autumn leaves he could find, just to avoid meeting you). Before that, you literally woke up facing each other. Now, however, you get up with an empty space on the bed next to you. And it wasn't so much confusing as it was frightening. If Ken has once again come up with a (necessarily ridiculous) reason to avoid you, then you just have to talk to him immediately! But how can you do that if as soon as you make eye contact with him, he runs to hide behind the nearest corner? Your sincerely human soul simply could not find a place for itself.

And so it would have continued, if suddenly at the end of the week, Ken himself had not dared to approach you. With his hands behind his back, his lower lip bit and his eyes on you intently.

"Ken..." You knew that in a situation like this you shouldn't rush and provoke, so you remained motionless in your seat in the middle of the bed, as if trying not to scare a wild animal.

Ken began to roll from heel to toe, watching you with a keen, studying gaze.

"Ken, what's wrong?" Perhaps if you hadn't been abruptly pulled out of a sweet, lingering sleep by your sometimes-disappearing boyfriend, you would have suspected something was wrong with his hands behind his back. But you were abruptly pulled out of a sweet, lingering sleep by your sometimes-disappearing boyfriend, so...

"I-I did something for you..."

You shook your head in confusion, shaking off the remnants of sleep. Ken?.. Did something?..

Ken's hands held out a neatly tied package in your face. As far as your sleepy eyes could make out, everything else in the package, including the gift paper and several tones of glitter, was just as perfect. And even after sleeping, you could see how much effort this present had been put in.

"Oh, Ken, is this for me?"

As soon as you took the gift from Ken's hands, he put them back behind his back. And you could have sworn that he was fidgeting with his fingers in anticipation.

"Yeah. I've never done anything like this before, so..." Ken was terribly nervous, but he shouldn't have been, because whatever the contents of this bundle were, you would have loved it beyond belief.

Ken was watching your every move, instantly reading your every reaction, and when you carefully untied the ribbon and opened the package, he couldn't help but lick his lips several times eagerly.

When you opened the package, you put it on display... A handmade scarf?

You smiled gently.

"Is that why you've been running away from me for a week?"

Ken blinked at you in surprise, as if he thought that his constant running away from you had gone unnoticed.

"I was afraid I wouldn't be able to resist telling you everything!"

You chuckled lightly, looking back down at the scarf. You couldn't get enough of your boyfriend's hard work!

Ken's smile slowly grew on his face as he realized that you were really happy with his gift. You could see the tension slowly falling from his shoulders and he was relaxing himself, as if after a whole week of hard work. Perhaps it was true.

You, still smiling, immediately wrapped your gift around your neck.

"I read on the Internet that people can feel unwell at this time of year and that scarves help them... somehow."

"They do, Ken, they do."

You stand up to thank Ken with a gentle kiss on the cheek. The long autumn is ahead, and something told you that from now on you will not spend a single day of it without the warmth of a scarf.

#i know i need to do my own masterlist but i'm to lazy #ken x reader #ken #ryan gosling #ryan gosling fanfiction #ryan gosling x reader #gn reader #barbie 2023 #barbie fanfic #barbie movie #ken fic #ken fluff #ken barbie #ryan gosling ken #ken x real world reader #ken x gn reader #barbie 2023 ken

[arcadiaoaksusedbooks]

Thought I'd try a drabble before going to bed. I've had this scene of Alora and Gunmar in my head for years.

Gunmar let out a small rumble of irritation at the shifting on his chest. Alora was typically a light sleeper, prone to tossing and turning, but she was very wide awake and shifting slightly on his chest in a strange pattern. His wife was a trickster, but usually not in bed, and he had made it clear how he hated being woken up from sleep pointlessly. So, there was a good reason to wake him by sliding around on his chest face down, yes?

All it took for him to stop her was slightly raising his hand and pressing it down on her back. Her small human body was slightly squished to his with a slight "oof" at the pressure, followed by a frustrated groan as she lifted her head to look up at her husband. His eyes were still closed as he gathered his patience. She was only three hundred years old, and acting like it, so several interactions had him gathering his patience with her.

"Shard." he rumbled, finally opening his eye to look down at her. She was pouting, as she did when the jig was up. "This is not your usual toss and turn at night. What are you doing?" Alora gave him a very small snort in starting a response.

"Trying to find your heartbeat." she admitted truthfully.

Ah, was that all? It made sense, moving her head around his chest to try and listen for a troll heartbeat. Depending on the species, a troll's heart would be on the left or right side of the chest. But not a Heartstone troll such as Gunmar. He curled his claws around her middle before bringing her to the center of his pectorals, raising his other claw to gently bring her head close, turning it so her ear was pressed against his stone.

And she rested into him, hearing a dull, vibrating thrum that occasionally grew intense with each beat. Combined with the sound of his slow breaths, her body seemed to relax into the lull of it. Having found what she was looking for, she turned her head up to him when he removed his hand, with a satisfied smile and intrigued eyes.

"It's so different from a human's heartbeat." she commented.

"You expected it to be the same?" Gunmar held back his snort with his tone. Alora nodded as she rightened herself and rested her arms on his chest, to look him in the eye.

"I don't get to listen to anyone else's, and why would they let me?" she reasoned. "They say that listening to the heartbeat is the first time two people become connected. It's been three hundred years, and I never heard yours before."

What a strange belief, but Gunmar felt he understood. For anyone, troll or human, to hear the heartbeat of another, they must be incredibly close and trusting. It was rare for Alora to be so philosophical, what brought this sympathy about?

"Why did you need to hear my heartbeat?"

"Oh, don't sound so suspicious." Alora shook her head. "To help me sleep." She put her ear down to his chest to listen to it again. "It really is a soothing sound. It's a lot like you. Powerful, steadfast... everlasting. It's just loud enough to make my bones rattle from here. It does make me feel safe and secure in your arms, and more closer to you than I've ever been." She raised her head to give him a look he had only seen a handful of times; eyes slightly widened, smile slightly parting her lips, a natural glow to her skin and hair barely visible in the light. She paired it with a soft tone. "It makes me feel glad that we chose each other all those years ago. Thank you."

He returned the small smile with one of his own, reaching up a claw to stroke her cheek. Small moments like these she treasured, when she was able to open her heart and speak with such honesty, when no others were there to see or hear. Just him. Just her. He came to treasure moments like those as well. His claw stopped just under her chin to feel her pulse along her neck. A thumping, gentle rhythm that was barely felt or heard unless up close. Alora freed one of her hands to cradle his claw next to her.

"Can you hear my heartbeat from there?" she asked.

"Yes."

Alora gave a pleased hum at that.

"And, love? How does it make you feel?"

"Hungry."

Her face paled a moment, before flushing the angriest shade of red he'd ever seen on her before began shouting Trollish words of hate and frustration, and beating on his chest angrily, which he barely felt. He closed his eye, and his own maw betrayed its own mischievous smile. Moments like these he came to cherish as well. It was worth losing a little sleep over.

[doggernaut]

Hi, hello, if you've read It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two in the past day or so and are wondering what perfect storm of frustration/depression/anxiety contributed to its creation, have at it:

April 2022: After 20 years of marathoning, I ran a marathon PR at my dream race, 10/10 would do again, top 5 life moment.

May 2022: Asthma attack during a track workout, spent the entire summer rebuilding my lung capacity.

September 2022: Bruised the ball of my right foot, lost more training time (also started grad school, this is important later).

October 2022: Foolishly ran a out-of-state marathon anyway, started experiencing Covid symptoms the day I got home (did I get Covid on the plane to Chicago or at school... based on the timing it was probably school and I likely had it while racing, but who knows).

November 2022: Three weeks out from Covid I ran another out-of-state marathon. (I KNOW but listen. These two specific races were planned years before and got deferred due to Covid cancellations. I also ran the second of the two extremely slowly. Almost an hour and a half slower than my PR.)

November 2022-December 2022: Technically no longer testing positive for Covid but still coughing constantly due to a sinus infection and then some other infection. (RSV? It was going around.)

January 2023: No longer coughing, began slowly and reasonably training for the Boston Marathon in April.

February 2023: Knee pain?!?!

March 2023: Knee still in pain, can barely walk, let alone run. Hauled myself off to PT only to discover the cause of my knee pain is actually an imbalance, possibly due to overcompensating due to the lower back/hip pain I developed after sleeping on the couch for two weeks while I had Covid.

April 2023: Ran the Boston Marathon on minimal training and didn't do too bad, all things considered.

Summer 2023: Able to run slowly but comfortably. Had a glorious five weeks of running while studying in New Zealand. Even got down to tempo pace for a mile or two at one point.

September 2023: Returned home, tried running, couldn't breathe.

October/November 2023: Saw an allergist after a month and was diagnosed with a mold allergy (mold season in Seattle is ... bad ... but also never affected me before). The doctor concluded that this allergy and the exacerbation of my asthma in the aftermath of Covid is possibly due to having had Covid.

Started a daily inhaled steroid to help my lungs. Started being able to get through easy (3 mile) runs. Weaned myself off of it.

January 2024: New start! Committed to building back with daily runs and/or strength training sessions. Running does not feel as good as it used to. I have lost a lot of core strength over the past year and it makes a huge difference in how I feel during a run. Everything feels like a huge effort and thinking about ever being able to do a speed workout again is daunting, but at least I can run.

January 20, 2024: Fell down the motherfucking stairs in my house and severely bruised my tailbone, setting myself back YET AGAIN.

All of this is boring and unimportant if you are not me but if you're looking for context, this is it! I don't claim to be, like, a superstar athlete or anything but for the past decade or so I've been an "age group" runner, performing at or near the top of my age group in local races, running in the lead pack in group runs, hitting pretty tough (and I realize, somewhat arbitrary) qualifying standards (the Boston Marathon was a dream for a long time, and I finally got there), and seeing my times drop despite being in my forties now. It's hard, and humbling, to fall too far behind in such a short time. And it's hard to see my friends still excelling and feel like I'm being left behind. This is why Jack is kind of a sad, anxious mess in that fic! Because I am a sad, anxious mess!

#personal

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

kill her. kill sweetie. break my heart.

Why kill her outright when there's so much story left to tell?

Alfred's eyes narrowed when you pulled your jacket closer to your body. "Alright, girlie?" he asked.

"Fine," you tell him brightly. "How are you today, Alfred?"

"Fine," he answered, careful to keep his distance from you. Your voice was cheerful but your eyes were not. You look less than happy today. "How was the dance on Saturday?"

"I didn't end up going. Mom wanted me to clean the kitchen and then Jack had friends over."

He hummed and nodded, "A pity, Master Bruce said you were looking forward to it."

You shrug, "Maybe next time." You rub your arm and Alfredcatches sight of what looks like a burn on your forearm. Clumsily bandaged, not all the way covered and weeping.

"Good lord, what happened there?" he tutted, pulling your sleeve back when he watches your wrist.

"I-I- I was making spaghetti and the pot was heavy," you stammer.

"Well," he said blinking, knowing that isn't likely- he'd seen you cook when he'd gone along with Bruce on your Wednesday visit with your Grandmother. You were capable. In a few years, you'd be a good little cook. But he couldn't prove that DIDN'T happen either. "It looks nasty. Let's get a new bandage on it, hey?"

"I can-"

"It's a little tricky to do with one hand," he said smiling a little. "Let's get that seen to and then you can drag Master Bruce outside- I've not been able to get him out of the study since Friday."

And when you nod slowly, Alfred makes a note to keep an eye on that sort of thing. He wasn't sure what he'd do about it, of course. But someone would have to keep you from losing limbs to gangrene.

____________________

The knock on your door dragged you out of your bed and you staggered across the floor rubbing your eyes. The only way you could sleep was hard. You slept so hard and fell asleep so fast you weren't sure if your nap had been 20 minutes or a full day.

And when you check the peephole to see Alfred standing there, carrying bags you sigh. At least he already knows.

You open the door and stifle a cough with effort, "Alfred what-"

"Food for the freezer," he said, letting himself in, "keep your strength up."

"Thank you but-"

"I won't have you starving," he said sternly, putting bags down and taking a look around. Things were tidy enough but he could see where some of your housework had gotten away from you. Dust and the odd paper scrap. Laundry, he imagined was also hard and he made a note to contact a service to help. "Have you eaten anything at all today? Or have you been living on gummy bears?"

"I had some popcorn and part of a soda before I laid down," you murmur sinking into a chair.

"Hardly a balanced meal, Miss Y/N," he tutted, setting about inspecting your kitchen, making notes of things you needed. You had basics. Things were clean. But for some ungodly reason there was very little there that was just comforting. Like you were trying to deal with the bare minimum.

"Alfred I can-"

"You can certainly," he said, "But. Now that the cat's out of the bag there's no need to stand on ceremony, Girlie. You need help. You need to eat. And you need as little extra to worry about as possible. Thankfully, I know several lovely little services that can come in-"

"I'm not in hospice-"

"No you morbid little weirdo," he snorted, pulling down a bowl and pouring Chicken and dumplings into it deftly, "Someone to help with the cleaning and the laundry."

When you roll your eyes, Alfred takes the still-hot food and set it on the table with a fork, "Now you eat that and let me get to work. I have explicit instruction to see to it you have everything you need." He didn't. Bruce had been practically paralyzed after you left, dealing with the fact that you were dying. That you stared death directly in the face and told it you weren't done. But- he didn't think Bruce would care. Or notice if he was paying for some housework to be done.

"Alfred, it's going to be okay. I'm okay with-"

"Even a miracle needs a hand," Alfred said squeezing your shoulder. "Let us do something, Y/N. Even if all we can do is make it a little easier."

#Bruce Wayne x reader #Bruce Wayne #sweetie!reader #ask answered #minors dni

[meowmeowmage]

Let's write an mHanders fic! Part 6 (poll under readmore)

Masterpost featuring links to all parts: HERE

"And then I said I wasn't like- like the other nobles!" Hawke exclaimed, letting his forehead hit the sticky table at the Hanged Man, while Isabela shrieked with laughter.

He hadn't meant to retell his embarrassment to anyone, but after several drink that were meant to make him forget about it, he was instead rambling about it, much to Isabela's entertainment (and a bit of pity).

"Oh, sweet thing, I know I basically told you to think less, but I didn't mean quite that little," she said and then laughed again, slamming her palm against the table.

Hawke lifted his head just enough to take another big gulp of the nasty but effective Hanged Man alcohol.

"So what happened next?" Isabela prompted, once her laughter subsided a bit.

Hawke told her the whole thing. Or as much as his drunkenness allowed him. But it wasn't hard to get the point of his embarrassment and cringe behaviour across.

"Let me recap," Isabela said, "You interrupted a private conversation, made an ass out fo yourself, then lied multiple times in order to make yourself look better, but were so bad at it that you got caught."

Hawke didn't follow all that very well but it sounded accurate enough so he nodded.

"I'll be honest with you, Hawke," she said seriously and barely kept her facade for the next part, "you're so cringefail you're giving me secondhand embarrassment," she then started laughing yet again, eyes almost watering from it.

"Aren't you supposed to make me feel better?" Hawke asked irritated.

"That's the alcohol's job, sweet thing. Mine is to laugh at you. But look on the bright side - despite having your foot in your mouth you still somehow managed to patch things up, so just don't think about it anymore and try not to be quite so terrible next time."

It was a good advice. One Hawke might be able to follow. At least as long as Bayron was not around. Fucking Bayron...

"What does Anders even see in him?!" he blurted out, completely ignoring how Isabela wasn't up to date with what was happening inside his head.

"In Bayron?" She asked, a bit confused.

"Yes, that fucking prick!"

Isabela snorted and then a wide grin spread on her face. One that Hawke didn't like one bit.

"Well, he is quite a looker. I'd firmly put his ass on my Top 5 Best Asses In Kirkwall list. So there's at least one reason."

Hawke got up so fast that the world spun and his thighs hit the table hard. He swayed but caught himself with both hands on the table.

"My ass is better!"

"You're certainly being a bigger ass, that's for sure," she noted with amusement, "Hawke, if you get any more jealous you'll start spewing poison while you talk."

Hawke imagine if that was possible. To spit poison in Bayron's face. That would be quite something. But Anders would be very pissed off. Just his disappointed face was enough to cool Hawke a bit, and he sat back down like a scolded brat.

"I've been helping Anders as well," Hawke mumbled dejectedly, looking as miserable as some of the other drunken patrons, "but it looks like I haven't, and now I can't tell him because I'd look like I'm only doing it to get brownie points with him."

Isabela looked at him with sympathy in her eyes. She got up and combed the hair out of Hawke's drunk red face with her fingers, and then tugged him upwards to stand up.

"Let's get you home, loverboy. Some sleep will do you good. It's not amusing to poke fun at you when you're being such a miserable mess."

° ° °

[tealeafgrimm]

There For You

Remus Lupin x Reader

Words: 972

Summary: Remus is not good at asking for help. He doesn't want to be a burden. But after the full moon, he needs you. And there's not a single reason why you wouldn't help him.

You turn around and look at the grandfather clock in your living room. He should have been here by now, he never took this long to come back after the full moon. Nervously, you paced around the entryway of your house. Should you go out and see if he was badly hurt, should you ask someone to help you look for him? Your train of thought was interrupted when you heard branches and leaves moving at the edge of the nearby forest. And not a second later, you could see his face.

"Remus," you whispered, both frightened and relieved at the same time. He looked terrible. You couldn't remember the last time he had looked this bad.

His clothes, which he had worn the night before, were torn in several places and you could see the blood soaking the fabric. He was barely able to hold himself upright and walk. No wonder it had taken him so long to find his way home.

With quick steps you ran towards him and no sooner had you put his arm around your shoulder than he dropped his weight on you. Although it was only a few meters, it took you ages to get Remus into the house.

"I've already prepared the bath, okay?" you whispered as you walked down the small hallway towards the bathroom. Remus didn't answer you, too tired and exhausted to say anything back.

"Here, sit down. I'll help you take off your clothes." Carefully you helped Remus sit down on the lid of the toilet, a hiss escaping him, obviously the slightest movement hurt him. As carefully as you could, trying to cause the least contact with his wounds, you helped him remove his clothes.

It felt like it took hours, but after a while Remus sank into the warm water of the bathtub.

When the warm water touched his body, he let out an agonized cry. You couldn't imagine how painful it must be. You could only guess how bad his wounds were, but now that he had nothing on, you could clearly see the damage he had sustained last night. It seemed as if he had scratched up almost his entire back and his chest was also adorned with dark welts.

"Do you think I can leave you alone for a moment?" you asked him softly, stroking his hair. A faint nod was the only response.

"I'll get you some potions for the pain and some healing and wound ointment, okay?" You didn't wait to see if he had heard you, but left the bathroom. As quickly as you could, you gathered the potion and ointment and returned to the bathroom.

The water Remus sat in was now a dirty light brown. His blood and the dirt of the night had discolored it. With a wave of your wand, you made the dirty water disappear and refilled it with new, clean water. You handed him the small vial of pain-relieving potion and began to clean his wounds with a washcloth.

When you had helped him out of the bath and into his boxers, you began dabbing the ointment and tincture onto his open wounds. Again and again Remus hissed, winced and tried to back away from your touch.

"That's it. We're done," you said after a few minutes. The first wounds were already beginning to close. In a few hours, the worst would already be over.

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to see something like this every month. Let alone take care of me," Remus spoke softly as you walked into your bedroom together.

"I tell you every time Remus. I don't help you because I have to, I help you because I want to. Because I love you."

With a sigh, he settled down on the bed. A little rest and a few hours of sleep would help him and when he would wake up he would be feeling better.

"You deserve so much better. I'm not worth it..."

"Stop saying things like that about yourself or I'll hex your tongue to the roof of your mouth. I LOVE you. Is that so hard to understand?"

"Sometimes," he admitted, but you could see the beginnings of a smile.

"How many times have you helped me? When I got hit by a stray jinx at school because someone didn't aim right? You were always the first to undo everything. Or who takes care of me when I'm on my period? You. You go and make me tea, bring me chocolate. Who takes care of me when I'm overwhelmed, when I cry, when I'm angry, frustrated, when I just need someone by my side? Remus, you're always there for me."

"I think it is. You don't ask for help any more than I do. You didn't choose your situation, any more than I do when I'm sad or angry. And I help you in your situation for the same reason you help me. Because we love each other."

Remus was ready to launch into a retort again, but you raised your hand and gave him a dirty look.

"I don't want to discuss this any further with you right now. You need rest."

Without paying any further attention to him, you grabbed his book from the nightstand and lay down next to him. Even though he never asked you to, you knew he liked it when you read to him after a night like the last.

You opened the marked page and began to read. Within minutes, you felt Remus' breathing relax and become more even.

There would never be a reason for you not to help him, even though he would argue with you again and again. But your answer would always be the same. If you really love one another, you are there them.

Werewolf or not.

#remus x you #remus lupin fanfiction #reader insert #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x reader #remus x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin fluff #remus x y/n #one shot #harry potter oneshot #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter series #harry potter #remus fluff

[2nd2ndalto]

Fall Down With You

Chapter 1

____

Here's a little journey through Nico & Will's relationship over several decades written through vignettes based around sleep. It runs around 13k words, but for some reason I'm feeling overwhelmed trying to do final edits on the whole thing, so I'll post it in chapters. It should all be out fairly quickly. Hope you enjoy.

____

“Oh, you startled me!” Will claps a hand to his chest as he comes to an abrupt stop in the waiting room of the infirmary. It’s late - past midnight now. He hadn’t expected to find anyone out of bed as he was making his rounds of the building.

The dark-haired boy standing at the window turns, looking guilty. “Sorry. I - I couldn’t sleep. I swear I wasn’t trying to escape or anything.”

Will huffs out a laugh. He’s still not quite sure what to make of this boy who appeared out of the sky mid-battle with a giant statue. “It’s okay. I just didn’t think anyone else would be awake. And… you know this isn’t a prison, right? I’m not trying to hold you here against your will.”

Nico raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Because it kind of sounded that way.”

Will shifts awkwardly. “Yeah, maybe it did, a little bit,” he admits.

The other boy smirks.

“Look, you almost died. Surely you can -”

Nico waves a hand dismissively. “It’s fine Solace. I’m not complaining. Like I said, I wasn’t tired. I’m just stretching my legs. If that’s allowed.”

“Yeah, of course.” Will frowns. “I guess you have been sleeping most of the last 24 hours. Your sleep schedule’s going to be really messed up.”

Nico rubs the back of his neck. “Right, sleep schedule. I guess I should think about getting one of those.”

"Well," Will considers, "if you're planning on staying here for a while, that should start falling into place."

Nico had said, yesterday, that he planned on staying. Will's still having a hard time believing it, somehow. He hasn't seen much of Nico over the last few years, but the kid is hard to pin down when he is here. Will thinks he seems a bit less twitchy this time around. But then again, he's spent most of their time together unconscious. So who can say.

The other boy shrugs. "I am. Planning on staying, that is."

Will nods, feeling a smile pull at his lips. "Okay, then. I think that's a good plan."

Nico frowns, taking a seat in one of the waiting room chairs and pulling a knee up to his chest. "Why do you care?"

Will blinks.

"Sorry." Nico shakes his head. "That came out wrong. Why - why do you care, though?"

Will laughs, dropping into a chair across from the dark-haired boy. "You're right, that sounded much better on the second attempt," he teases.

Nico scrubs his hands over his face and huffs out a laugh. "Maybe I do actually still need more sleep."

When he looks up to meet Will's gaze again, there's less defensiveness there. He's still guarded, but he looks more curious now. Like those dark eyes are boring into Will, trying to figure out what makes him tick.

Will finds he needs to look away for a moment. Why does he care? He can't very well tell the other boy it's because I've always thought you were really cool and I might have a little crush on you and also you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen. Unless he wants him to immediately disappear again, of course.

"I think... I think this is a good place for you," Will says carefully.

Nico looks dubious.

Will sighs. "Okay, look. I know we barely know each other, but I'd... I'd like to get to know you better." He shrugs, feeling his face heat. Stupid face. "You seem... I don't know. You're smart. And funny. You seem like someone I'd like to be friends with. I don't know if that's a good reason, but that's... that's why," he finishes, now mumbling into his lap.

"That's a good reason," Nico says quietly.

Will glances up to see the other boy looking somehow softer, more vulnerable than he's ever seen him. It's a little bit shattering, and with some despair, he realizes that he's not going to be able to shake this crush very easily at all. He offers Nico a smile, which Nico returns, looking shy.

Nico clears his throat. "Hey, um. What are you reading?" He gestures to the book in Will's hand.

"Oh." Will glances down, momentarily confused - he'd forgotten all about the book - but honestly he’s a little relieved at the change of subject. "It's just The Hobbit." He holds the book up to show Nico.

The other boy's brow creases. "The Hobbit? I don't think I know that one. Was that... a movie?"

Will feels his eyes go wide. "Oh you've never read it? It's so good. Yeah, they made a movie a while back, but the book is, like, pretty old."

Nico nods. "Cool. I guess I - um. I was kind of in a sort of... time warp. For... decades," he says awkwardly.

"Right, I remember hearing that," Will nods. "So you've missed a lot of media, I bet. Books and TV and movies and... everything." He blinks at the other boy, trying to wrap his head around what that might be like.

Nico looks a bit like he's starting to close in on himself again, and Will is hit by an unreasonably fervent desire to drag the other boy back. "I can help you get caught up!" he says eagerly.

This brings a small, hesitant smile from Nico, and on some level, Will is aware how truly ridiculous it is, the way it makes his heart swell in his chest. He has a fleeting, stupid thought that he’d like nothing better than to spend the rest of his life trying to make Nico di Angelo smile.

"Have you seen any of the Star Wars movies?" Will asks before he can help himself. Or before he can say something even stupider, he’s not sure.

"Um. I don't think so," Nico says hesitantly. "That isn't the one with the guy who time-travels in the phone booth, is it?"

Will beams. "Not even close. Oh man, we have a lot of work to do."

Nico laughs, and it's like starlight.

"Hey, since you're not doing anything right now, I could - I could read to you?" Will asks.

Oh gods what the fuck did he say that for? What a dumb thing to offer. Will feels himself flushing, hard. But Nico's nodding slowly, looking shy and pleased.

"Yeah, okay. Like, from that?" Nico points to the book in Will's hand.

"Yeah. My - my mom used to read to me. Most nights. But especially when I couldn't sleep."

The boys gaze at each other for a breath before glancing away at the same time. The moment has Will’s stomach leaping far more than should be physiologically possible.

Will swallows. "Okay. So I'll start back at the beginning. I've already read it a bunch of times anyway." He clears his throat, flipping to the first chapter. "Um. I'm not the best at reading aloud. So just tell me if you want me to stop. You won't hurt my feelings."

“Chapter One,” Will begins, “An Unexpected Party.”

Nico doesn't seem to mind Will's oral reading skills, though. He laughs in the right places, laughs harder when Will attempts a Gandalf impression, and sometimes interrupts to ask questions. They're three chapters in when Will realizes Nico’s been quiet for a while. He glances up to see the other boy with his head tipped back against the wall, eyes closed, breath slow and steady. Will studies him for just a moment longer than he should, probably: long dark eyelashes feathered against pale cheeks, soft, full lips, his face peaceful in sleep.

Will is so lost already, he’s sure of it. But somehow he can't bring himself to care.

Tearing his eyes away, Will turns back to the chapter he was reading earlier in the evening.

(next chapter)

#nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #my writing #fluff #a little yearning #a wee bit of hurt/comfort #getting together #austin & kayla & jason make appearances eventually

[thevirgodoll]

Hi dear, I hope that you are having a beautiful day.

I really want to get your side on this; so I'm depressed and I'm also an overachiver. I've had depression for about 2 years but it has only crossed the boundaries of my head about three months ago when I got rejected from my dream uni and since then my grades have gone downhill and so have both my mental and physical health. I'm lost (because I missed a goal I had been preparing for for almost a decade lmao) but at the same time the I'm getting so close to hitting rock bottom that I'm relived to have a new and healthier beginning.

For the last few years I've dedicated all my time, efforts and headspace to school. It's my senior year yet I barely have friends, non school related job experience, I even lost the ability to sleep at some point. It's been ages since I've bought clothes, I look extra sloppy all the time and I never go out.

I've learnt a lot through this experience but since it's not going my way, I need to keep moving.

Any advice?

Love you and your blog <333

Navigating Depression while in College

This won't be a Doll Diaries for now but I will create one later.

I appreciate you sharing this with me and want to commend you on still trying and even recognizing that something needs to change. I also want to say that something like this isn't your fault and is a completely normal experience. I think a lot of people overlook the mishaps that can happen in college if depression isn't handled...because we are all so goal oriented, the ugly side of it gets pushed down and creates a loop of inadequacy.

Rejection is a typical part of your 20s...I'm still learning how to deal with it myself. I don't know everything, I'm still in my 20s as well.

I do believe, though, that everything happens for a reason and that something I wanted that I didn't get isn't a rejection but a redirection to something greater.

I completely relate to being in a rut and having health issues impact your college career. I have multiple chronic illnesses. I also have severe depressive episodes and ADHD. I've also had times where I wasn't able to make the best grades in the world.

What got me together was:

going to see a therapist (my school offers it for free)

learning that meds was a good option for me (it isn't for everyone, but it was for me)

getting diagnosed with mental disorders (helped me understand myself better and give validation to what was going on)

developing a consistent routine in all areas (easier said than done)

learning how to love myself as I am while also knowing things must change and taking accountability

having days where I let myself go and relax instead of being productive 24/7

I'm also in my senior year after losing years my experience due to my health. I had to medically withdraw twice so trust me I get it.

While I've lost time due to my health, I realized I can only control right now. My health problems were a sign to slow down.

Why worry on what could've happened? Thinking anything of that nature is a disservice. Introspection is good, but introspection can become rumination after a while. Learn to have a limit.

I do recommend treating yourself and getting out and doing things. Figure out what style of clothes you want to wear, what hair, etc since that's important to you.

Relearn yourself...ask yourself who you are outside of academia because a lot of people lose themselves in it and then have nowhere to turn once it's beginning to end. Find some professor that you can reach out to and confide in to help you, and if not, there's plenty of resources at your school for your program.

Congratulations on reaching your senior year. Focus on yourself, graduation, and becoming the person you want to be. Everything will happen in its due time, and months from now, you will realize that staying in the moment was all you ever needed to enjoy yourself.

Hope this helps ❤️

#advice #mental health #u got this #and as cliche as it is…reach out if you need my help. it’s tough out here #dollhouse queue #actually chronically ill #chronic illness #actually adhd

[tir3dbuthungry]

today's cals

rant of the day below

I swear to God, my parents never fucking listen to me, not once. I just ask to put the two youngest in a shared room because there is no reason I, as an 18 year old should be sharing a room with a 10 year old, but I am. I told them over and over again to do the bare fucking minimum of at least trying to get me more space, but they just don't fucking listen. she has all of the wall space most of the room and I have my dresser and my bed, that's fucking it. I don't need to see more of how she is the favorite, about how she gets everything she wants and that I just have to deal with it because I am the easy one, the one that's fine with everything, and I'm so fucking tired of it. I'm so tired of them walking all over me because they view me as easy. Just because I'm easy doesn't mean I'm not worth anything. just because I'm easier than my other siblings doesn't mean they can just push me out like that. I've been a nanny since my younger siblings have been born, I haven't gotten a single break until I've become old enough to finally do it, and even then it's for less than a fucking week. I just want to be able to sleep alone and have my own space to escape from everyone. it's such a little thing to ask for but everyone else in my life fucking has it except me.

and I swear if I hear it's because the two youngest are a girl and a boy, so it would be hard for them to share will make me scream. I shared a room with my younger brother for several years, I shared a literal bed with him, but of course, the two kids that belong to my step-dad are the ones that get their ways.

I'm so fucking tired now, I just want to be left alone. is that too much to fucking ask.

#eating disoder trigger warning #tw ana trigger #pro for me not for thee #tw disordered eating #anarecik #pro for myself

[this-nightmare-doesnt-exist-yet]

I've been thinking about Rat and the adopted egg thing again.

Equally as painful to the theoretical scenario of Darius having shattered the egg in an alternate timeline. If Rat got put into a place similar to the qsmp with how they gave the people of other nationalities an egg to sit after the others already theirs, Rat being given back Gum after being sucked into an alternate universe again would be heart wrenching.

Kind of like Charlie with Flippa, but instead of going out to fight god they would go into a depressive state believing that maybe it's a universal constant for their child to be dead.

They'd dig themself a hole and sleep until the hunger or thirst gets too much and do the bare minimum to avoid pain but not to live.

Then probably get rudely shaken from their hibernation by some other player coincidentally renovating the mountainside that they have been hulled up in for months.

Rat would crawl out looking like a grumpier version of that cat that woke up from a nap under a weight blanket.

Cue a funny yet sad argument between Rat and whoever has just bulldozed into their grief hole. (can be taken as a pun) So there's not a hotel being built on top of the dirt m nest and legally they can't do anything because they didn't get land rights. When construction is done Rat is too tired and stubborn to go find somewhere else, so they just start breaking into the hotel and sleeping in unoccupied rooms before getting kicked out and eventually getting in again.

Then a really funny section of time where Rat struggles to survive being locked in a hotel room without food or water in an attempt to meet the requirements for squatters rights and own the room from then on. The hotel owner is staunchly against this but the cops aren't doing anything about it at this point.

I've seen a horror movie with a similar premise of being locked in a haunted NY apartment for six weeks, and this isn't the first time Rat has been stuck in a position. (Rat got accidentally trapped in a person's back yard for several weeks irl time due to roof parkour, invisible property walls, and the land owner being on vacation. I logged on every day until the person found me and let me out. I can and will do it again if given the chance to and it fits the story.)

In a weird way Rat regains the will to live even if it is mostly coming from spite for getting their home stolen and not being allowed to sleep how they want to.

Like you might think it's impossible but if that hotel room is big enough they will turn off the lights to let mobs spawn in then beat them to death with their god given trowel hands and feast on their rotting flesh.

But also the alternative option of Rat canonically dying while locked in a room wholly unrelated to any major plot points in the larger world of lore would be epic. In a sense they win their story but had no effect on anyone else's large scale other than to occasionally be reference as the guy that died due to malnutrition while refusing to leave a hotel room for seemingly no reason whatsoever.

Not that I personally wouldn't want to participate in the stories if I could, it's just that it would be more in character. It could easily be prevented if anyone wanted to adjust some things but if not discouraged from bad behavior Rat is prone to spiral haphazardly.

Not a good look on any of the other characters if they get so distracted by everything else happening that they forget that Rat is slowly dying of neglect.

Part of how that might happen is that it is character roleplay and people get so used to other player characters being able to handle themselves being left alone that they would not think of this as a valid option for how a character would go.

Secondly being that it is roleplay the other players naturally would want to be where the action is happening.

Why would anyone think Rat would die a completely preventable death?

The most noise would likely be from the person that owns the hotel complaining about Rat and scarcely anyone else unless some solid friendships formed with some other characters.

Imagine watching real time as somebody's favorite (could just be me but I can't rule out the possibility of others) minecraft character has a mental health crisis and dies an insignificant death in an otherwise active and thriving community of players.

seeing the little joined message in chat every day, ignoring it as not your business at the moment. Several weeks of this before a single simple message from the game that Rat has starved, then silence from then on. Imagine being a fellow player wondering what happened and only just finding out by skipping through hours of VODs of Rat in one increasingly messy room.

On one hand it is absurd but on the other it is a depiction of misery in ways that most won't encounter in detail.

Simultaneously meaning full on a small scale but near meaningless on a larger scale. Just a blip compared to the churning storms of everything else going on in the server.

A heavy segment that will likely be forgotten in the whirlwind. Who the fuck does that and why in minecraft of all places?

To rope back to the start of this, why wouldn't somebody that has cut themself off from the wider world not be out of touch with all that happens while they are away?

Why wouldn't sorrow drive a person to madness?

It's all there just this isn't the way that people usually take this sort of thing. They want to see a character get better or be a part of the larger whole, not an unintentional cautionary tale of how to lose a life.

it is depressing on paper but in follow through I would hope people would be laughing so hard at the silly stuff that they don't get how sad it is.

Some poor soul would be in a different chat and be the only one to see the death message and get hit with a wave of dread in understanding the implications of such a small detail.

#mc rp Rat #using other stories to examine what a character would do #QSMP #angst #tw fictional death #tw fictional child death #tw sui implied #art stuff #ramblings #long post #things that make people ask what is wrong with me

[iturmom]

i think the fact that i'm not eating much is making me insane. and i'm so scared that i'm not going to have access to enough food when i'm at the homeless shelter bc i don't know how much food they'll give us i don't know if they offer vegetarian meals and i know there are a lot of people who understand the importance of my diet to my person (i'm thinking of several religions whose people would understand, but also other vegans/vegetarians would get it too) but i will briefly describe for those who don't. i have not eaten meat, at least not on purpose, in 10 years because looking at a piece of meat makes me grieve for the sentient life that was lost and i can't force myself to contribute to demanding a supply of millions of sentient creatures forced to exist in cruel conditions only as future food for a choice that i could just as easily not make. i have put a lot of careful thought into the desperation i would have to be in to justify eating meat and it would only be in life or death. only if my very survival depnds on it. and i just can't justify eating meat in a homeless shelter in the 7th biggest city in america i am not in a food desert there is absolutely no reason i should be unable to survive without eating meat so it's not justified i won't eat meat at that homeless shelter so if they don't give me enough food without meat i don't have any other options for food i won't get enough calories and it will contribute to the state of malnutrition i'm likely already in bc i was barely getting enough nutrition when i WAS able to eat and i know that since i've been having incredible trouble eating i have very little energy and standing is incredibly hard. so i'm scared my likely malnutrition will get worse at the homeless shelter and contribute even more to my precarious mental state.

i'm also scared bc i know that i will be sleeping on the floor at the homeless shelter. i have 5 subluxations in my back and when i sleep in imperfect conditions it fucks up my back and i just know that sleeping on the floor for more than a week will fuck up my back so badly that i will be unable to walk. i will also be unable to sleep because when my back gets fucked up laying down puts me in too much pain to be able to sleep. i will be sleep deprived at the homeless shelter. i mean this is all under the assumption that i will be able to sleep the first night there at all. i probably won't i can't fall asleep on the floor unless i'm 100% exhausted.

i don't know how the fuck i'm expected to be able to get a job when i am so malnutritioned that i will be too weak to stand even if i COULD stand through the pain AND i will be such a basket case being sleep deprived and malnutritioned which will also exacerbate my already existing mental illnesses. how could i possibly get a job to support myself like that? who knows what such a mental state could cause me to do?

and that's not to mention the other worries i have that i don't feel like i can even express bc it would be insulting to who knows how many thousands of people that have it worse?

and there's no other option for me because no one wants to work but i've put in well over 100 applications and i can't beg for a job with a degree and 5 years of work experience. WITH A DEGREE. AND FIVE YEARS OF WORK EXPERIENCE. I CANNOT GET A JOB. I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SURVIVE WITHOUT A JOB. i spent like 3 years trying to get disability but i had to stop so i could try to get a job to prevent me from being in the homeless shelter. now that i've been trying so hard to get a job i'll probably never qualify for disability even when i'm unable to stand i bet. and i have to wonder if i was set up so that i'll never be able to get disability because i was threatened that i would be kicked out of the program i'm living at that is now shutting down anyway if i did not try to get a job.

this is not even scratching the surface of all of the fuckery i have been through in my life this suffering i have described in this post is just fucking tuesday in my life and i am quite certain no one cares. my family doesn't care. none of the hundreds (?) of people i have gotten close to in my life care. none of the people who advocate for my issues care. if anyone reads this post it's not like it's going to cause outrage there are so many people who are suffering worse than me who am i to deserve compassion? it'll probably just get ignored and the powers that be get to keep getting away with it!

[dissociacrip]

the delightful dilemma of being multiply physically impaired in ways that directly contradict my ability to efficiently perform my manual labor job duties as a dishwasher in ways that would get me fired if it weren't for the fact that having to overcompensate for my brain and body-wrongness has somehow made me more reliable and consistent than my co-workers - purely in comparison to their typical lack of dedication - and therefore i get a level of responsibility and expectations forced on me that tends to make me sicker. also the fact that i'm working until like 1-2am while having to pretty much sleep on the floor rn.

i didn't call out once while having signs of a herniated disc (not signs of disc herniation according to upper thoracic mri, possibly cci and/or a csf leak) in my cervical/upper thoracic spine causing me excruciating pain that felt like my back/shoulder was on fire and like a knife in the base of my neck, i just left slightly earlier than i was supposed to one time (technically i should have left beforehand based off my schedule but i hadn't caught up dishes all the way due to me being incapable of working fast enough due to my body not working) because the amount of pain i was in was starting to trigger a breakdown. aside from this for the past 2-3 years i have had recurrent episodes of intense, searing pain in my upper back/lower neck accompanied by fairly rapid deterioration of coordination and cognition to the point of slurring my speech and moving/talking like i'm drunk that is only relieved when i lay down for several hours afterwards, which extends beyond my pots symptoms and is suggestive of recurring or flaring csf leaks or cci or both or something. for whatever reason these episodes correlate with working morning hours and have decreased significantly since i've primarily been doing night shift..?

either way though last night my knees still buckled on me a few times when the muscles in my legs started getting weaker on me from exertion. i can't bend down to pick stuff up out of the grates because i get dizzy and almost fell over from it one time. i really only still have this job because my co-workers suck that badly. i haven't had the same energy levels i did before since getting covid in january, though the potential csf/cci shit came before that. i really need to find another fucking job where i can sit down and have minimal interaction with people that pays at least the amount i'm making now but school makes that difficult and my social problems and mild hearing issues get in the way of most desk jobs due to them hinging on customer service work. and actually getting the whole "possible cci/recurring csf leaks" thing addressed in any helpful way is going to be an absolute nightmare. idk where i was going with this i just hate that i'm in this situation of having no choice but to support myself when i'm just barely able to do so with current circumstances and i don't know if my situation is getting progressively worse as time goes on because none of this stuff has been adequately addressed or treating and medical staff don't want to do their fucking jobs properly. i worked for like a month with that "herniated disc" pain and the mri showed nothing helpful like lol ok well i guess i'll just go fuck myself dude.

#actually disabled #disability #physical disability #chronic illness #spoonie #j #body log

[blue-kyber]

Well, my impromptu "vacation" is over. The first week was okay. Had a lot of frustrating doctors visits, got put on the meds so was healing while still feeling like crap due to the 3 infections, but felt alright enough to go to a 3 day gem and mineral show to sell some of my surf tumbled beach rocks, and stuff I'm clearing from my personal crystal and mineral collection to try to make money to pay rent (didn't make anything. In a deficit), Exhausted by Sunday night, but doing alright. Saw stars again for the first time in over a year.

Second week started out alright...

Monday through now.... suffering from being traumatized heavily enough to cause PTSD and seriously affect my life, my personality, my mental health, powerful imagination causing faint hallucinations that spark fear, a fear of going outside, severe anxiety attacks that hit randomly for no reason, head injury that caused and/or exacerbated memory loss that lasted 3 days, had an interview regarding a discrimination charge I filed against my former employer, sleep deprivation, didn't eat more than once or twice a day and barely ate when I did, can't pay rent and fearing I'll be evicted at any time so I'm existing in a state of mild panic, the backs of my hands and my face were badly sunburned. They're healing but I've been dealing with them itching and burning the whole time - which only triggers those intrusive memories, lost a friendship due to having a severe meltdown blown up by that person being horrible to me for lies they believe, lead to a meltdown so severe I self-harmed after 3 years (still bruised and still getting headaches, my ears have a constant soft ringing), and plagued with nightmares every single night when I've had 2 - 4 hours of sleep.

Still in a state of being easily startled, feeling dread, like my life is threatened, and anxious. I haven't been able to relax since Sunday night.

I'm a highly sensitive person who's alone with no one around I can go to at all, and haven't had a hug this entire time. I desperately, desperately, desperately need to hug someone and hang onto them for a while.

I just want all of this to end. I'm going back to work tomorrow morning. :)

#The past two weeks... #THIS is what being triggered is. #You don't say you're triggered when someone makes you angry #or upset. #Being triggered means that whatever it was sends you into a high emotional state of hell that can take a long time to come down from. #Not everything that brings you discomfort is a trigger. #You're not actually triggered. You're just mad. You're triggered when you feel like this. Please learn to use the word correctly.