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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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WIBTA if I start giving some very *very* Christian family members religious pamphlets from non-Christian religions as gifts?

To be clear, I am writing this while firmly believing I'm NTA but I am angry and don't trust my own judgment too much right now.

Background and Players: My Son (19) was adopted out as a baby by his incubator behind (my husband, 40) his father's back. He was abandoned at 4 by his adopted family because of behavioral issues related to what his incubator was putting into her body while she was pregnant with him, and went into foster care with people I will call Amom and Adad. Adad is a pastor in his 90s and Amom is a pastor's wife in her 80s. When Son was 13 and I had been with Husband for 5ish years, we had been told (by someone from his incubator's family but we didn't know that at the time) he was non-verbal and "mentally an infant" and that trying to pull him out of the routine he had would just be incredibly harmful to him, so we had given up hope of finding him and having a relationship with him. We got a phone call one day, a worker who was looking for a medical history for Son. Husband spent close to 3 hours on the phone with her, answering questions and asking anything he could squeeze in. Turns out, we had been lied to about his mental health just... completely. He's impossible to shut up and he graduated high school last year despite, you know, *gestures vaguely at everything* and I am incredibly proud of him. Half an hour after that call ended, she called back and told us Son might be interested in meeting us, was it okay for her to pass on our contact info. A month later, Son, Amom, Adad, Husband and I were sitting in a restaurant together and a month after that we went to their place for a week to spend Christmas with them. This is when they informed us that they had finalized his legal adoption a couple of weeks earlier. 2 years after that, my QPP moved in with us, and another year later 16 year old Son asked if he could move in with us. He still does.

The Issue: Son wants a continuing relationship with Amom and Adad, but due to the previously mentioned substances used by his incubator, he has memory and time management issues so I have to regularly remind him to contact them. I have no problem doing this, but the contact we have had with them over the last few years has soured me on their company. I've got no problem reminding Son to contact them and organizing rides for him to visit (usually QPP and I driving him, the trip is a couple of hours each way) but I'd rather never speak to them myself if it can be avoided. It didn't start out this way, but over the years they have made it very clear that they don't respect anyone else's beliefs. Not just us, like there was one night where they were going off about some Danish surgeon saying publicly that he was Muslim first, Danish second, and they were trying to convince us to be terrified by that. The conversation ended awkwardly when Husband asked if Adad was Nationality or Christian first (because that's different you see). We have found books on the bookshelves in the guest room about how any kind of queerness at all is demonic possession, one of which they wrote. They talk about things like being sent on a mission by their god to save as many (and I hate that these are quotes) "brown heathen children" by making them Christians as possible (Son and his adopted siblings are all First Nations, Amom and Adad are as white as I am), or how Jewish people are evil for stopping Christians from claiming their suffering because "Jesus was a Jew so aren't all Christians also Jews?". Amom once spent a week trying to convince me to go to church with her and share the details of my childhood sexual abuse with the entire congregation because "it will show God you are ready to be forgiven". QPP is a shintoist and after they found that out, we started seeing more literature about the Japanese, specifically during WWII, around their house when we visited.

We have politely made it clear that we are not interested in Christianity, especially not their version. Multiple times. We thought it was finally over after Son had a meltdown at them at his graduation ceremony because he wanted JUST ONE conversation with them that wasn't about Jesus. He was in tears trying to explain that to them, and their response was to tell him he needed to come back to church so they could lay on hands and chase all the demons making him say these horrible disrespectful things to them out of him. He was supposed to stay with them for a few days to visit after that, but by the time I tracked him down and got him calm, he didn't want to go anymore. They seemed to stop after that, like they actually backed off and I think I got maybe 2 emails that didn't mention God or Jesus, not even a "God bless" in the sign off. We were optimistic. Son was late organizing it but we dropped him off (at his request, he's worried that Adad won't make it to next Christmas and wanted to see him) at their place on Boxing Day. We did not hang around, we did not send gifts, we didn't even reply to the Family Christmas Email (it had a video of a Jordan B Peterson rant embedded in it and I've told them before that we are not interested in anything that sack of hateful arrogance has to say please stop putting him in my inbox). We have done everything we can to make it clear that we do not want a relationship with them for ourselves, including outright directly telling them politely to their faces that we will not stop Son from seeing them but we don't feel comfortable around them and don't want a relationship with them for ourselves. Son came back with "gifts" from them - a study guide for a specific Bible book (I got John, Husband got Michael, QPP set his on fire before we saw who it was) and a bag of candy that looked like it came out of a thrift store (I got the same one they always get me, which I laughed off the first and second and third time and explained I couldn't stand them because my abuser used to give me one when he was done. Husband is diabetic and got York Patties. QPP actually got something decent though, $20 for gas).

I have managed to keep my "I'd rather you hadn't bothered actually" rantingvto Tumblr, which i don't think they even know exists, but I'm still pissed about the Bible crap as "gifts". I am considering changing tactics completely and being super friendly, mirroring their energy, and giving them the same treatment they've given us. I want to make excuses to visit so I can explain the finer points of shintoism and Celtic paganism in every single conversation. I want to give them books for gifts, books like The Tao of Pooh and The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. I want to wrap cash in pamphlets about The Invisible Pink Unicorn and leave it on their fridge.

QPP and husband think I should give myself more time to calm down and just keep ignoring it and playing nice when I'm forced to play at all but like, IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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mindfulstudyquest · 26 days

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❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲: easy tips to form healthy habits ( based on this alessya farrugia video )

lately i've been having trouble being productive and finding a healthy balance between study, passions, exercise and free time. i've been searching for a long time online for advices and ideas that could help me find my serenity, and my searches led me to this. i hope you appreciate it.

pro tip do not try to improve everything all at once, you're gonna fail. just try to incorporate something small in your routine to start forming healthy habits. it might take months, but one year from now it will all be worthy.

𝟭. don't hit snooze ( ⏰ )

the "snooze" button is definitely my worst enemy, i simply don't want to get up and start a new day that will be tiring and hard, but when i realized the reasons why putting off the alarm is so harmful for me i seriously started to stop doing it. you will actually wake up even more tired and sleep-deprived after the second or third alarm goes off, since falling back to sleep after having already woken up causes your brain to begin a new "sleep cycle" that takes 75 minutes to complete, abruptly interrupting these cycles brings unpleasant side effects such as tiredness, irritability and headaches.

bonus start waking up at the same time every day, this will not only help consolidate your routine but is scientifically proven that it significantly reduces levels of anxiety and depression.

𝟮. don't check your phone (📱)

i've always spent at least an hour scrolling through social media right after waking up every day, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world. do not go on your phone for at least 30min/1h after waking up. i know it seems hard ( i have a severe phone addiction so i understand ) but i guarantee you that your days will be so much more stress free and productive. why? going on your phone as soon as you wake up gives you an instant hit of dopamine ( for more info, check this post ) that is gonna literally ruin your day, because your brain is gonna pretend more and more dopamine for the rest of the day in order to function properly.

𝟯. have a glass of water ( 🫗 )

you didn't drink for 8 hours or more so it's time to rehydrate your body. i hate drinking water as soon as i wake up so you can try adding some lemon juice to give it more taste, you can also try some herbal tea if it's winter and you don't feel like drinking cold water first thing in the morning, but avoid caffeine ( and theine ) for at least one hour after waking up. exactly like the hit of dopamine that your phone gives you, caffeine and similar stimulants will have the same effect on your body.

𝟰. have a cold shower ( 🚿 )

ok, i'm not one of those gurus who tells you to get up at 5 in the morning, take an ice bath and run 12 km before 7am, but switching to cold water for the last two minutes of your morning shower will have some benefits invaluable for you and your body. first of all it helps to wake you up, because it stimulates the nerve endings and makes the brain more active, it also helps to tone the skin and make the hair shinier. it's a difficult thing, but doing something like this in the morning will help your brain cope better with the workload during the day. it also reduces stress and anxiety, since the cold can activate the production of endorphins ( known as "happy hormones" ).

𝟱. physical and mental care ( 💕 )

take five or ten minutes to just look after yourself, do skincare - it doesn't have to be a deep session, just a little moisturizer and lip balm -, meditate, journal, cut out a few minutes from your morning routine where you leave out for a while all the negative thoughts, stress and anxiety, your body is your temple and you must treat it with reverence, your mind is your home, your safe place, and deserves your attention.

𝟲. get direct sunlight ( ☀️ )

apply some sunscreen and go get some sunlight, the benefits are so many that i couldn't list them all: i quote, production of vitamin D ( very important especially if you are a woman ), improved mood and, in general, physical and mental health, sleep regulation, improved skin. i know it's not always possible, especially in winter when there is very little sun, but for example if you have the chance to walk to school or work on a beautiful sunny spring day, take it!

𝟳. make the bed ( 🛏️ )

why should i make my bed if i'm going to have to sleep in it in the evening anyway? well, this is the mistake that i very often make and i admit that i am guilty of it. however, not making the bed is exactly the reason that pushes me to go back there immediately and sleep again. making your bed in the morning as an act of discipline will not only improve your self-esteem and make you less want to go back to sleep, but it will make your room seem cleaner and generally improve your environment, making you feel more productive and satisfied. completing that little task in the morning, even if it's small and simple, will give you motivation and will push you through the day.

𝟴. high-proteine breakfast ( 🥞 )

make sure you eat a balanced, protein-rich breakfast that will keep you feeling full until your next meal. it is useless to limit calories especially in the morning when we need an extra boost, this will only make us feel more tired and irritable and will significantly decrease our productivity.

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starsaroundmyscarsblog · 1 year

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You'll Be Ok

Summary: The Moon Boys comfort you after a hurtful text from your mum.

Also, 'my tears ricochet' is there because I listen to it when I've been hurt by my parents. It's there to listen if you want. Will add some of the lyrics to the oneshot tomorrow morning 😊

⚠️Warnings: Angst. But there is tons of Fluff too. 🥰🩵

Marc/Jake/Steven x reader

Reader is a glass child/emotionally abused

Background Info:

To be honest, I wrote this one for mental healing. The reader is a glass child.

Before you read this, I should explain a few things:

1. I'm a glass child. Remember, child just refers to son/daughter/offspring of. This is as follows

"Glass children are siblings of a person with a disability. The word glass means people tend to see right through them and focus only on the person with the disability. 'Glass' is also used because the children appear strong, but in reality are not. These children have needs that are not being met."

2. In no way am I blaming my sibling for my needs, not being met. It's not her fault, I love her to the moon and back, and literally would do anything for her.

3. Today was also the day I got told by a clinical psychologist (well, technically, I was asking for a "friend") that I was emotionally abused. Said emotional abuse means I have a rocky relationship with my parents - one reason I relate to the moon boys a lot. I am in no way saying my abuse is anywhere near as bad as theirs, just saying I find comfort in them and coming on here and reading stuff about them whe life gets rough.

This oneshot is for all glass /emotionally abused children or children of toxic parents. U ever need to talk, hit me up :).

When you were growing up, all you ever wanted was a break.

Which seemed like a simple enough thing to get, right? Just take a day to yourself, go out with friends or something, maybe have a lie in? But for you, that seemed impossible.

Not when your entire life revolved around your sibling.

And it wasn't like you hated them for it. On the contrary, before you met the moon boys, you'd never loved any one in such a fierce way. It wasn't like you were just their sister. But their protector. Their provider. Came witb being their second parent.

It's not that you particularly minded being their second parent, but sometimes, you wanted to explode because so much, too much responsibility was placed on your shoulders.

It was a strange adjustment living with the Moon Boys, you'd been so used to living with such toxic people, that it felt a little strange to not hear Marc tell you off for not washing the dishes when you had just finished making a meal, or Jake telling you to you didn't have to get up early on Saturday to clean the house, or Steven who telling you to sit and relax after you offered to get his charger, even though you knew you were tired.

With your parents, feelings didn't matter.

It was like they were blind to your feelings. It felt like they appreciated you, all your did for your sibling, but then, as soon as you made a mistake. Nothing you did mattered.

Everything got too much during your senior year. Your grades slipped, work weeks, months overdue. You wanted to leave right then and there. But you couldn’t. Something held you back. Fear of the unknown, you guessed. You ended up breaking down in front of your teachers, and for the time being, your workload decreased a little. You brought your grades back under control. Got better scores on your next set of mock exams. You thought things were finally getting better, changing. That your parents finally understood that you were just a kid.

But you were wearing rose tinted glasses.

You thought your heart was healing from all the pain, but it may as well have been bleeding slowly. The work started to creep up again, and you felt like you were gonna have a another break down, but you couldn't.

Your parents didn't like it when you told over people "family business." So you kept going, kept fighting. You had to hold it together. Were expected to. And besides. This was all for your sibling, who went through pain unimaginable.

Buy you still felt like you were dying everyday.

Even though you never allowed yourself to address it, the real reason you took a gap year wasn't because you needed to "find yourself." It was because you just needed a break. You wanted more time, and with school gone, you could focus on yourself and your US application (you had decided to move as far away from your parents as possible for uni).

Though history had a habit of repeating itself. Your mum seemed to find a way of shoving even more work on your shoulders, like cooking for everyone, on top of looking after your sister and your job. She didn't think you had a right to complain. You did nothing in comparison to your parents, and honestly, it was hard not to believe that.

Desperate to get away, when your US Applications succeeded, you were on the first flight possible. You relished in the new found freedom it brought. No fights, no unnecessary expectations. You were in heaven. Though whenever you went for thw holidays, you were filled with dread at reliving the trauma.

And it wasn't just being worked like a "maid." As a friend told you. That wouldn't bother you too much. It was the constant invalidation as a person. Like you didn't exist.

So you saved up enough money while in college for a flat. Pulling night and day shifts everyday, and your degree. You had too. Towards the end of your final year, you were offered a job at your favourite (company).

You were over the moon on tbe flight home. Things were starting to look up. You had finished your degree, were in your dream carer. Things couldn't be better. Except at home. When you weren’t working, you juggled the task of looking after your sibling, and a set of housework. Until one night in January, it all came to a head. You left in the quiet hours of the morning, with nothing but a text sent to your parents' phones explaining you wouldn't be coming back. Yours blew up with angry, hurt messages, but you ignored them, and the future ones. You stayed with your friend until you found a place to live.

But then came Marc, Steven and Jake, and they changed your life forever.

Like a new morning, they washed away the guilt of the past days, and the sorrows of yesterday. They taught you how to smile again, feel loved, even love yourself.

You all had an instant connection, and in a few months, you had moved in. Now it had been almost a year since you hadn’t met. You couldn’t imagine life going any better. Steven was so thoughtful in a way not even your parents had been, and Marc was gentle, and patient, he never ever shouted at you, or treated you like a kid, and Jake was so tender, just him running your arm made you a blushing mess. You didn’t need them to tell you they’d loved you like you had to head from your parents each night to believe it. You just knew.

You didn't know why you never told them about what happened to you growing up. Marc had eventually opened up to you about his childhood, but you couldn't return the favour. Whenever they asked you about your childhood, and you wanted to open up, somehow the words got lodged in your throat, somehow your brain forgot all the bad things that had happened to you, so you only told them the good. You had informed them that currently you didn't have a relationship with your parents, but for some reason, it scared you to tell them the whole truth.

But of course, there were days your parents really got to you. Like today, your mum who had never stopped texting you, had sent a message a few days ago. She did it every few weeks. Asking how you were, if you were ever gonna come home again. For some stupid reason, you thought she might have changed. They might have changed.

What lies our hearts tell ourselves.

Everything had started fine, but then the blaming had started, then your mum had said that you leaving was unfair and wrong to your family, especially your sibling. That they never deserved that.

And that ate you up inside. You bad promptly informed your mum you were never speaking to her or your dad again, but you couldn't stop thinking about it ever since. It invaded your thoughts, every waking minute. Had you been selfish, leaving your sister like that?

The Moon Boys had all noticed your mood shift, though you brushed it off to feeling tired, of course though, they didn't buy it.

But you couldn't tell them. You couldn't. So when Jake stepped out to the local tesco to by some yoghurt and other things you needed, you lay in bed, headphones on loud, trying to let it all out, so you could forget. Stuff your pain and memories down a mason jar and throw it in an old cupboard in an abandoned building, forever.

The headphones Marc had gotten you must have been really loud, because you didn't hea Jake come in, or call for you in the flat.

'Where is she?' He wondered,

Steven was already going into panic mode

'Relax Steven.' Marc replied 'Maybe she's gone out to Tesco.-

'But she always leaves a note on the fridge.'

'And there's nothing here.' Jake replied before something caught the corner of his eye. Your figure curled up on the bed, sunlight streaming across your face, his face lighting up subconsciously. It was only a moment before he noticed you were crying, and he instantly went over to you, throwing his jacket on one of the chairs. You felt a weight on the bed, and then an arm wrapping around your waist, hugging you close, before a hand pulled the headphones off your ears.

"Cariño," he said gently before you turned around into his chest, hiding your face in his chest as you slowly stopped crying, only aware of how loud your music had been, when you heard it through your headphones on the bed. Jake rubbed your back soothingly until you were just sniffing.

And then, the guilt set in. Guilt was the one thing that hd characterised your time with your parents. It was relentless.

'Marc, Steven, and Jake shouldn't see me like this.' You thought 'I'm being overdramatic.'

Jake rubbed your cheek, soothingly.

"What's wrong amore?" He whispered "Did someone do something to you?"

Whoever it was, he was going to kill them.

You shook your head and sniffed "its not important."

Unable to not bear not being able to comfort you any longer, and worried, Steven fronted. He wrapped both arms around you tighter.

"Love, whatever you're going through, we can help, alright?"

"I don't wanna be a bother."

Steve cupped your face with his hands, "Love, you could never bother us."

You sighed, sitting up, crossing your legs, playing with the duvet.

"It's just my...my parents."

For some reason, Steven felt his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't know why he was this nervous, it was you confessing something, not him. Then he remembered.

Marc.

That word always triggered him. Steven pushed some hair/braids back from your face

"Go on."

"I just." You took a deep breath the tears threatening to spill out again, your voice braking. "They can be so mean sometimes." You whispered, swallowing a huge lump in your throat.

Steven pulled you closer. From what he had gathered, you didn't have the best relationship with your parents, but it sounded better than this. How could they have not known it had been this bad?.

It suddenly dawned on him why you had been acting so distant this week.

"Oh love." Steven whispered, pulling you in again close "Is that why you were upset?"

"Yeah." You mumbled before lifting up your phone, so he could read the messages between you and your mum.

"Here."

'Putos gilipollas' Jake swore, threatening to do some serious damage to private property.

Marc was quiet. Steven worried.

"I didn't even do anything, Steven. I just wanted to... She's my mum. I missed her."

"I know darling." He whispered, kissing your tear stained cheek. "I know."

"Has it always been this bad?" Steven asked after a while, and you nodded back slowly.

For a moment, you felt him tense up, and then the arms wrapped around you dropped. Marc's brown eyes loomed back at you, one look, and it felt like he knew everything.

"Are you mad at me?" You barely whispered

"No baby, I'm not mad at you." He stroked your arm gently."Just wanna know why you didn't tell us?"

You sighed.

"Marc, you and the boys have gone through things unimaginable. It's not just you. People go through worse. I just thought my problems didn't matter much, you know. I was just going through the motions."

Marc took yout oulders in his hands, gripping as tight as he could without hurting you.

"Baby," he sighed "Y/N. Don't everyone think that. Your problems matter, to me, to all of us. We just want you to be happy. We love you."

You smiled, fiddling with the mattress, your cheeks rising with heat.

"Love you too."

Marc pulled you into him, chin on top of your head.

"I guess I should start at the beginning, huh?" You smirked, fiddling with the duvet, then sighed. "My sibling had special needs. I grew up taking care of them, honestly like their 2nd mum, to be honest. I did everything a mum did for them. Cooking for them, feeding them, dressing them, changing them, the works, and more. It was rough sometimes, but it would've been ok if my parents didn't think that I "should be doing this." I don't know if that makes sense."

You sighed taking a deep breath.

"Basically, I wouldn't have minded being a young carer cause other kids are, but it's being this kid's other mum when my mum or dad was right there that got me down. They put all that responsibility on me. I was just a fuckin kid, Marc." You picked up one of his hands, drawing shapes on it "What made it worse is I never truly felt appreciated. It felt like I did everything for that kid, but with my parents, it felt like they didn't care. I got yelled at for insignificant things, like putting a short sleeve shirt on my sibling instead of a long sleeved one, accused of not loving my sibling enough when I made these minor mistakes. I wasnn't allowed to feel tired, got called lazy on a regular basis when all I wanted to do was rest, got told I did 'nothing' around the house, was expected to do things all the time without a fuckin complaint. Was expected to be her mum. My friends kept telling me I was abused and stuff, but I never viewed it as that. It was just what having parents was like, right? I still don't, you know. I just think they're toxic."

You looked up at him briefly, checking if he was still watching, trying to read the expression on his face. Anxiety grew in your heart, worried he would think you were being overdramatic. I mean, everyone looked after their siblings, right?

What if you were taking things too seriously?

"So," you popped your tongue "One day I couldn't take it anymore. I just left. University gave me a relief the time I was there, but when I came home after, it was like I was a kid all over again, just wanting to be free as cliché as that sounds."

Marc was a little shocked, to say the least. He'd never imagined your upbringing like that. He had an idea that things were a little rocky with your parents but not that rough. And whenever you told him about your childhood, you were so happy. No wonder you had seemed so emotionally withdrawn, with parents like that, he wasn't surprised.

Inwardly he kicked himself. Although all the things you told him about your childhood were happy, always made you smile, he should've known by now people with the deepest pain shine the brightest smiles.

Marc pulled you into him, so you were sitting with your back pressed to his chin. He wrapped an arm around your waist

"Sometimes it just feels like it's all my fault." You voice cracked, and you picked up the water on the beside tablr, drinking it. Marc rubbed your eyes in a circular motion"The way things are with my parents. I should've been stronger. Helped them and my sister more."

'"It's not your fault, Y/N. You were just a kid. You did all you could for your sister. Abuse," Marc took a deep breath, and you knew this was hard for him to talk about. Your heart swelled at the sacrifice he was making right now. Casting away his own trauma to talk to your own "Abuse is a form of toxic behaviour, baby. Toxic relationships can be abusive, but all abusive relationships are toxic. Steven told me the definition of abuse, according to the Cambridge dictionary, is to treat someone cruelly or violently. That's it. No surprises. How do we differentiate between a toxic relationship and an abusive one? I still don't know. The line is blurred, but what I do know is you don't have to be treated in what typically falls into the category of abuse for you to be a victim of it. Abuse stems from manipulation of power over you, Y/N, and your parents did that. They're still trying to do that. For lack of a better example, and because you made me watch it four times this week, look at Cinderella-"

"There were four different movies!" You replied, but you knew he was only joking. "Cinderella, 1, 2, and 3 are completely different storylines, and then there's the live action which is customary. Besides, I wanted you to see what I used to watch when I was little."

"It's still the same princess. But anyway, look at her. She wasn't beaten or screamed at. But would you still say everything she went through was just toxic? Y/N, baby, you're not your parents' servant."

Hearing him say that, heaing Marc of all people, that that, the most validating moment you had ever experienced. Marc knew, better than most, what it meant to be treated less than. So if, maybe he was saying this, then you really weren't crazy.

"I used to think I was crazy. Still so. Overdramatic, you know. Everyone goes through rough times. Everyone goes through difficulties with their parents. I can't expect them to be perfect, right?"

"Y/N, it's not as simple as that. People aren't perfect, neither are parents. They go through things, but those people, you can adjust your expectations for. They may not be there for you emotionally, but your relationship with them is healthy. Your relationship with your parents isn't healthy."

It was strnage. A part of you had always needed this validation, needed someone else, wanted someone else to tell you you weren't crazy - but when Marc was reassuring you you weren't being silly, for some reason the words cut you deep. Too deep.

Marc kissed the top of your head gently. You felt weak, so you just held on to him.

"I don't even know what to do now."

Marc kissed your head again

"You' ll figure it out."

"It took me so long to even work out the courage to leave that place. Even after I couldn't block her or my dad's numbers. How could I? They're my parents. I don't know. I guess I was just afraid of being alone. I know, I have you guys. But I kept thinking that what if you leave, or get bored of me. Then I'd have no one, and I couldn't stand that." You wipe your eyes again, drinking more water

"Y/N why would you think we'd leave you?"

"I don't know," you sniffed "but I just kept thinking you'd find someone better. You deserve someone better."

Marc turned your head, placing his forehead against yours, staring into those big, enchanting (e/c) eyes. The same ones he fell in love with when you first met. He ran his thumb over your cheek. Even though you'd been with the boys for months, every time they touched you you still felt shivers.

"Y/N, why would we need anyone else when everything we need is right here? When you're here, honey." He pressed a small kiss on your nose."No one has ever made us feel as happy or even loved like you have. Y/N. It's probably our fault you're feeling like this. We haven't-

"No, Marc. Being with you and the other boys is a dream. One I never hoped for. Don't think you did anything wrong, babe. You're all perfect." You ran a hand through his hair.

"But we don't want you to think like you need to earn our love. You can't win love Y/N. So, it never dies. Our love for you will never die."

You smiled before realising something.

"That line's from the Lion King II." You giggled."So you do like it."

You then stuck your tongue out at him, remembering how he said the sequel could never be anywhere near as good as first

He rolled his eyes.

"It's a good line."

"Yeah, totally Marc. Just a good line."

As your laughter died down, you picked up your phone. You sighed, hand pressing on the delete contact button, before your phone sent an automatic notification, asking if you were sure.

You looked at Marc, who looked back at you.

"It's up to you." He nodded, and you swear you loved him even more in the moment. Whereas your parents had all been about control, he was giving you the option to decide your future.

"Block, delete, ghost. It's all in your hands. I won't even blame you if you still talk to them only on occasion, they're your parents. Just don't let them walk all over you."

You paused. Sure, you could keep trying. You loved them and all, but was trying really worth it if you were the only one? Maybe it was time for them to try, too. And hopefully, one day, they would realise, that they hurt you. Really bad.

You clicked the 'delete' button on the notif, and then it deleted. Oddly enough, you felt a weight lift off your chest. Like they finally didn't have any power over you anymore.

Marc pulled you against his chest again, arms wrapping around your waist. Kissing your head again, rocking you side to side.

"You'll be OK. We will. Our love will find a way."

You smirked.

"Marc, babe, I appreciate them, but those Lion King 2 references are killing me."

Marc just rolled his eyes and held on tighter.

But yes, it was true, with Marc, Steven and Jake, your love would find a way.

#Spotify #jake lockley #marc spector #marc spector x reader #steven grant #steven grant x reader #jake lockely x reader #moon boys #moon knight fic #moon knight system #steven grant fanfiction

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girlytips · 10 months

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Where in the world is Ribon?

As you've noticed, for the last about three months, the blog has gone back and forth between guest writers and queue. The blog was moved (without my knowledge) and longform writing stopped. Recently, girly.zyoshi also went on break. So where have I been? Is this the end of Ribon-tan and girly kei tips?

Short answer: No. I'm not quitting girly tips, and I don't intend to any time soon. That being said, some things will be changing.

When I started girly-kei-tips, it was a spin off blog of girly-kei-otd, in the style of old school jfashion blogs like fairykeitips, lolitatips, menheratips, etc. I'd been wearing Girly and lurking in the "larme kei" community for years, but what finally pushed me to gather resources for people looking to get into the style was the overwhelming influx of misinformation about a select few substyles and silhouettes. The jfashion community has grown in the years since tiktok, and with it has grown the number of newbies and misinformation- as well as a new "veterans correcting incorrect info is elitist gatekeeping" sort of idea circulating, at first most prevalent with baby gyaru, then lolitas, and now with menhera and Girly. I wanted to find a way to teach people new to jfashion about Girly and create a community of wearers that was as active as the "larme kei" communities of the mid 2010s were. So after an interest poll on girly-kei-otd, I wrote my first major article about the (at the time) current misconceptions newcomers to Girly had.

It circulated much faster than I expected it to! Of course, since posting that I have been bombarded with harassment, from simply reblogging with such creative stantwt-esque rebuttals as "me when i lie" to attempted doxxing, death threats, and full blown conspiracies trying to assert that I'm actually like 10 other people, not really mentally ill, hate Japan, dont really wear jfashion, etc. However, that's never effected me as much as seeing the information I translated and broke down reaching platforms I'm not even on, and encouraging people who were new to or had stepped back from Girly to rejoin the community! This only motivated me to keep going, so I did!

However, no amount of passion for something can entirely combat the reality that I am a mentally ill and disabled person who has been juggling recovery, university, a job, an irl social life, and suddenly being thrust into the position of "spokesperson for the Girly community". I became incredibly burnt out due to the sheer amount of having to repeat myself over and over, as well as a lack of energy due to struggles with mental and physical health entirely unrelated to the project. When I had an unrelated severe bpd episode, I knew I needed to temporarily step back. I had two friends who run their own jfashion projects take over for me so I could focus on survival and recovery- but it had an unintended consequence.

Unfortunately, the most common conspiracy theory used to devalue any information I give or agree with is that I am the entire Girly community, and the menhera community as well. So, when the responses from my blog seemed less like Ribon and more like runners of other popular blogs, this seemed to validate that belief in some. On top of that, language barrier issues as well as differences in opinion lead to seemingly contradictory information coming out of girly tips. Suddenly, every time I was meant to come back, I had to deal with another misunderstanding, edit another post, freak out thinking my blog was deleted when it was actually moved- no one was being malicious, there were just too many chefs in the kitchen, so to speak. This just made my mental state deteriorate even more, and make me feel even more unfit to resume activities.

This level of burnout lead me to take the extended break that I took, and starting girly.zyoshi really helped me get out of that rut- but then Instagram began to not show our posts. Apparently, this is common with kaiwai accounts- frequent posts with similar hashtags get marked as spam. After discussions with customer support, the solution was to take a break from posting so that the account doesn't get nuked before starting back over. Unfortunately, combined with my absence from the blog, this made it look as though I had abandoned my projects entirely.

So, what now? Well, I'm going to be back to making original posts and answering questions again. However, to prevent a burnout from happening again, it's never going to go back to the insane frequency of original articles I was putting out in the beginning months. The kaiwai account is also resuming activity- but limited to 2 or 3 posts a week! And yes, the Discord, which was deleted many months ago, will be staying down. To make up for this lack of original content, I'll continue to leave the blog running a daily queue as well between posts.

While I have the opportunity to do so, I'd also like to make one thing clear, AGAIN. I do not hate mentally ill people. I do not hate people who "fit" the landmine stereotype. This is a fact that seems to have been overlooked in favor of the "don't listen to that person, they just hate people who struggle" approach to combatting the information I provide. I also do not condone harassment, EVER. I don't care what for. Before deleting the Discord due to member safety concerns, I had to re-enforce that rule many times. Someone identifying as jirai or spreading the misinformation that jirai is a fashion or a movement is ABSOLUTELY not an excuse fo make fun of them. If you came to the conclusion that it is justified to bully people who post misinformation because of my blog, you have severely misread the purpose of my blog and I do not want you here.

I myself am severely mentally ill. I struggle with many aspects of illness that are the most fetishized in the landmine lifestyle. I have diagnosed BPD, as well as a severe dissociative disorder and cPTSD. I am not against mentally ill people doing their best to survive. I am not "anti" anyone's coping mechanisms- after all, even bad coping mechanisms are better than no coping mechanisms and can be the difference between life and death. I do not have anything against people like me- people who struggle to maintain healthy relationships, who struggle with chronic suicidal ideation, who have mood swings, etc. I have nothing against people who are stuck in unhealthy lifestyles because the alternative is death. My issue is the trying to make struggling with these illnesses and living dangerous lifestlyes cute and trendy- which is what the Japanese jirai scene is all about. Wherever you are in life- if it's living a "landmine lifestyle" of binge drinking and unsafe work, or if you're coping healthily, or somewhere in between- it's okay. You're okay, and I'm proud of you. What's not okay is trying to sanitize what the lifestyle and term are- they aren't feminist, they aren't safe and fun, they aren't cute and desirable. And it's also not okay to try to spread misinformation about fashions to try to support this Western fanfiction that there is a feminist fashion and culture movement called landmine about freeing mentally ill girls by denying that Girly/girly kei exists.

I hope this helps explain some things, but I haven't proofread. So please, if you have any questions, anon asks are on for the time being. Thanks so much for your support, and I'm excited to see you in a text post I have in the works! -Ribon

#girly kei #jfashion #ガーリー系 #ガーリー #ribon tan #update

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cboffshore · 2 months

Text

*Chubbyemu voice* GLOOM DIVISION drops in four days. Here's what that's going to do to my Ninjago brain.

(IDKHOWers who see this: this ain't gonna make a LICK of sense to you. This one is for the Ninjago fans who know me already.)

TLDR: if you liked the Nadakhan analysis Fall Out Boy playlist I made, buckle up. It's about to get weirder, and I'm bringing a different band into the mix.

I'll keep this short. When IDKHOW dropped "INFATUATION" a few weeks (or should I say Weekes?) ago, a friend of mine in NWOD and I determined that it was practically a perfect Nadakhan song in every way. I'm not getting into that here, and honestly I may never, because that track is STUPID straightforward. Have a listen, maybe check out their social media posts on it, then come back and tell me I'm wrong:

youtube

Anyway, I'm giving "INFATUATION" a solid nine out of ten on the Is This A Nadakhan Song scale. I said practically perfect - there's room for improvement. Not a lot of space, but I have to give the other songs a fighting chance to make this worth it.

Obviously, I want to appreciate this album on its own first and foremost. That being said, since I'm on a self-imposed writing break, I do want to keep my Ninjago brain running. For that reason, the bonus game I'll play when GLOOM DIVISION drops for real is: are any other tracks a better fit for Nadakhan?

Here are my title-based predictions for the entire tracklist, with a side of advance review info from this article where necessary. Minor spoilers.

DOWNSIDE: Not sure how to feel about this one. Rumor has it it's done in a deeper register than normal, though, so that could be good for something.

GLOOMTOWN BRATS: Nope. I've already got this on my OSSAS playlist, it's clocked as a Nya song IMO.

INFATUATION: our baseline. If no other track hits the mark, this one will do just fine.

WHAT LOVE?: Also a nope. We've had this for months, and while there are certainly shades, I'm inclined to throw this at Jay instead, especially within the context of Skybound.

SPKOTHDVL: I'm pretty confident about this one, even if it's just tonally - the band teased this one as "SLEAZY GUITAR RIFFTOWN", and Cheeto bastard is nothing if not distilled sleaze.

SIXFT: The advance review article mentions this one is similar to IDKHOW'S other classic creepy tracks "Mx. Sinister" and "From The Gallows", which is VERY promising! Also, this one has been teased as "30s + 00s GARAGE ROCK", and we love a good genre blend when it comes to Nadakhan musical analysis.

FIND ME: Something about this title has me very confident in it. Can't say why, but the vibes work.

KISS & TELL: See above.

A LETTER: Hard no... for now. This song already exists, and while you COULD probably get it there through intense mental gymnastics, that's not the priority of the song. We'll let this one stay a happy fandom tradition until I inevitably get the itch to do something to it.

SATANIC PANIC: Hmmm. Name suggests mass hysteria and succumbing to influence; advance review calls the vocals "almost whispered" and notes that the track seems screamable at concerts and has a brass-and-bass intro. Sounds bombastic! I'm going to say this one's got a decent chance at beating "INFATUATION".

SUNNYSIDE: Another nope for now - what the article has to say makes me think this is better suited for Jay.

IDIOTS OF Oz: Seems cynical and mysterious, but the vibes are off. I guess we'll see!

#Ninjago Skybound #Ninjago Nadakhan #Lila speaks #idkhow #analysis freak lila back on her bullshit #gloom division

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bil-daddy · 4 months

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hi. Same anon who asked if she could info dump about her love life

So I have a crush on this guy I've known for awhile, we've been friends for our entire life and I'm scared to tell him because it could make things awkward and EVERYONE KNOWS (everyone being our parents and siblings) about my crush on him *hyperventilates*

Hey, love life anon. Thanks for spilling the tea (metaphorical) Let's get started (platonic)

If your (hopefully respective) parents and siblings all already know about your crush on your friend, what makes you think he doesn't already know, too? Either by one or more of them telling him, or by picking up on the same signals they are about your crush.

So, I'm guessing he probably has an idea you like him, but hasn't made a move for one of a few reasons:

He doesn't feel the same but doesn't want to make things awkward and possibly lose the friendship

He does feel the same but doesn't want to risk the friendship in case you guys get together now, then break up in the future

He wants to wait until you're both older, to give the relationship a better chance of working out and lasting, if you're still into each other in a few years and want to give things a go

He's completely oblivious, and feels the same

He's completely oblivious and doesn't feel the same

He's completely oblivious, never considered being more than friends, but now that you mention it, would like to try

Now, this list isn't exhaustive. There could be other reasons. But his reasons aren't the only ones that matter. First, you've got to figure out what you want to do.

Lemme ask you a question. How long have you had a crush on your friend? Is this new? Or have you liked him for years?

If it's new, and you think it might be temporary and pass on it's own, then give it a few months before you act.

But if you've liked him for a while, you should probably do something, just so you can move forward whether or not he likes you back.

Either way, start mentally and emotionally preparing yourself for either option, and the different possibilities they entail.

If you tell your friend you like him and want to try being more than friends, what would that look like if he says he feels the same? Since you're friends, you probably already hang out a lot, so what difference--if any--would there be? If he wants to try dating, the two of you can discuss what that means for you both.

But what if he says he wants to stay just friends? What would that look like? Even if you both try, it would be impossible to carry on as if nothing happened--but that's okay. Since you like him, it's already impossible to carry on forever like that. You're just in a pre-confessional liminal space right now.

If he just wants to be friends, you'll probably both have to take a step back from the friendship. Some friendships return to normal after time off, some don't, and some fall somewhere in between.

Same thing if you date, then break up. Some people can go back to being just friends, some can't, and you never know for sure which kind of people you are until it's you and your ex in that situation.

I'm not telling you this to discourage you from confessing your feelings, but just to prepare you so you can be ready for whatever happens. You can also do a little investigating of your own to prepare yourself, as well.

Your parents and siblings have noticed your crush on your friend. They may have also noticed his crush on you--if he has one.

How do you know they know about your crush? Is it because they said something to you about your crush? Maybe teased you about it? If they ever teased you about your crush, was your friend ever around at the time? What was his reaction?

You could try to find out from your siblings and parents, if they've noticed your friend having a crush on you or not. Mutual friends might also have picked up on something, if there is something to pick up on. There might not be. Or he might be better at hiding crushes.

If you can find out in advance how he feels, or at least gather evidence to form a hypothesis, it might help you decide how you want to proceed. Be it, confessing your feelings* or letting the crush pass.

(*And when I say 'confess your feelings', I don't mean a dramatic oscar worthy speech about how long you've been in in love with him. That's for the movies.

What I mean is: "hey, I think I like you as more than a friend, and I want to explore that with you if you're interested" --in your own words, of course, not like a 'healthy relationship communication textbook.)

Anyway, good luck (platonic). Hope it works out for you.

No. I said that wrong. Whatever happens, it will work out for you. One way or another. Sooner or later. Eventually, it will work out for you, whether or not you and your friend end dating.

Have a New Years ox rib (platonic)

#bildaddy answers #life advice from bildaddy (results may vary)#happy new year from bildaddy (platonic)#bildad the shuhite #bildaddy #bildad nation #bildad brainrot #oh bildad we're really in it now #oh bildad the shuhite we're really in it now #bildad the shuhite army #bildad #bildad my beloved #bildad the shuite #have an ox rib (platonic)#shutanic temple #shuhite sunday #spill the tea sunday #bilday

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etrevil · 7 months

Note

hey! Do you think that what will happen in meursault will go different than the anime?? Like what happens with soukoku? Whether chuuya is a vamp or not? Or Dazai is alive? Because as far as I remember Fyodor's hand was not injured in the manga like in the anime.....so does this mean something different will take place? So far it has been same...sorry to disturb you, I'm actually very anxious since I love soukoku, Dazai and chuuya very much..

Don't apologize for asking! Now this got my brain cogs turning ahhhhh

Do I think something different will happen? Yeah definitely, firstly because of that good point you brought up about Fyodor's hand, but also because I think Asagiri would do more with the story they currently have than rush it like in the anime. I feel like chapter 110.5 was meant to set suspense, letting the readers think it'll follow the anime but suddenly take a huuuuuge U-turn in something else.

Would absolutely love that actually, no matter how anxious and fearful it makes me.

Now onto the matter of Dazai being alive-

De-Nile is a river in Egypt 🥲

Okay jokes aside I'm seriously grasping onto the fact Dazai was able to speak a few more words after being shot point blank by Chuuya as a HINT he's not yet dead. Very, very, very badly wounded; yes. But not dead, also because I don't think (or wanna think) that Asagiri would end his character off like that.

This can be the same said with Fyodor. Him dying before we even know some of his past? The specifics of his ability? Seems very unlikely, so I'm somewhat convinced he'll be fine and won't have a helicopter accident like his anime counterpart.

Sigma, I wanna talk about him for a moment. I SINCERELY wish Asagiri is going to bring him back soon. I'm semi-believing that he just got knocked out by the overwhelming amount of info he got from Fyodor, cause if he actually did die by C&P, I reckon it'd be a more bloody scene than just his white-eyed stare in that one panel.

Chuuya? In the manga at least, I don't think he's faking the fact he's a vampire. I could believe it in the anime, but with the manga and extra details we have, I'm more inclined to think Chuuya's under the vampirism but he's like, not under its actual control. The scenes where he looked out of breath and where his dark-vampire eyes paled (and his reaction after shooting Dazai, doesn't seem very "hey I'm under mind control I have no free will" of him) have me considering that he's able to override the mind-control effects cause. Seriously tho. Chuuya has a god 24/7 inside of him. Yeah, Arahabaki is probably just a mass of energy and isn't likely to be a voice in Chuuya's head that sasses him, but years handling that sort of mental weight has got to give him an advantage.

-or so I'd like to think. I'm all hypothetical and guessing in my answers btw. Asagiri is writing such a story that so many events can happen that the story itself has its own parallel universe. I can't fathom what they have planned.

Excited for next month tho yeahhhhhh ✨

(also I firmly believe skk has got this in the bag for the simple reason of, the light novels. Shit went down but they got each other 😭)

tl;dr - I do think Asagiri is taking the manga down a different route. Also Sigma lives. And Chuuya's probably an actual vampire but he's not under the mind control thing. Take it with a grain of salt.

#oooops went on a ramble there #bsd analysis #???#i think #bsd textpost #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd manga #bsd chapter 110.5 #bsd dazai #bsd sigma #bsd fyodor #bsd chuuya

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writingquestionsanswered · 11 months

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Would it be a major turn off if a character, in a world where almost everyone has magic, only had a few chances before they have to cause like actual bodily harm in order to continue using it?

Some additional context I have to justify it are that 1. It's almost OP and I need some things to balance it out. Like, it's literally immortality that's kinda like save points, just done so it isn't completely videogame style (since that world isn't a video game) 2. Most people's powers do have side effects. However, to be fair, they're supposed to make sense (e.g. former protagonist has fire powers, so she's also heat resistant but is naturally very hot, so cold hurts more before it heats up and she can't touch things that need cold because she can't just switch off the heat, or one that's probably more cliche but they've got super strength and don't know how much force they're actually applying, gentle to them still is pretty rough a lot of the time, etc), and I'm not sure if having to actually injure yourself is a good side effect to near-immortality 3. She also has a sort of healing ability doubled with it, where no matter how awful the injury it heals in 24 hours (like from light paper cut to the loss of a limb, it is always 24 hours, it just made more sense to me that way), so as long as she stops the bleeding she'll be fine the next day But then I feel like it's a bit too much since 1. She would lose any motive to use it - she doesn't worry about death, so with the injury and pain it'd likely just be like adding 0+-1 when you're trying to get 2 (if that makes sense), 2. She's in single-digits still, so it'd be a child harming themself because they don't want to die, which while the tone is definitely supposed to get dark at some point I feel like that might just be a bit much both to read and to write, and 3. There's already another balance in place - if she dies, she'll appear back at the last "save" (considering it's inspired by video games that's the quickest way to describe it), and will lose any memory or development that happened in-between. It also only lasts ~a month so that she won't be completely immortal, she has to keep redoing it if she wants to be. So she'd physically and mentally revert back to up to a month ago, in the exact place she was no matter what happened there in-between, no matter where she's been or what she's learned in-between. Still debating whether or not there should be a way to regain the memories or not.

I'm also not sure if I actually want to give her another reason to hesitate to use it, or if it's just because I like letting characters suffer in my head, but the story isn't going to just be in my head so I want it to be actually fun instead of just agony lol. I don't want my story to be too affected by my sadism exclusively reserved for fictional characters.

Sorry it's long and probably awkward, and that it probably has way too much info when I just needed a little bit, I just want to write my story (and current protagonist) decently and not be TOO harsh on the characters. While the way I wrote probably made it kinda clear which way I'm thinking of going, I just wanted an outsider opinion that I trust before choosing one way or the other. Sorry if it's too uncomfortable or morbid or anything, idk where else to ask and I'm embarrassed to ask people I know irl (personal issues 💀)

Thank you for reading this whole ask, sorry again about how long it is!

Bodily Harm as Consequence of Magic Use

I feel like "bodily harm" is really broad and random consequence of using magic. So... after a few uses, if the character uses magic again, their arm or leg just randomly breaks? Or a huge gash opens up on their back? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Typically, the consequences of magic are more logical:

-- Physical fatigue (lots of energy coursing through your body) -- Mental fatigue (extreme focus, quick thinking, mental stress) -- Loss of source (source of magic is limited so lost once used up) -- Harm to other (someone/something related is harmed by use)

You would typically choose one of these consequences (though physical and mental fatigue often go hand-in-hand), then the extent of the consequence is greater with the power/amount of magic used. In other words, a smaller spell has a smaller consequence. A bigger spell has a bigger consequence. A small spell would cause a little bit of physical exhaustion. A big spell would cause the person to pass out for a little while.

If you can find some way for the injuries to make sense, then you could still do that. But I would also add the consequence that injuries incurred via magic use don't heal in 24 hours. And while injured, no magic can be used. That way there's an actual cost to using magic too often. It's not just a superficial cost like an injury. They're putting themselves in the position of being powerless until the injury heals naturally.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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#tw bodily harm #tw injury #tw self harm #tw violence #wqaadvice

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smiletimeisrunningout · 3 months

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okay so

there are no words to describe the mess I went through in the last ten days, in the sense that literally, in English, there aren't the same burocratic figures and jobs that exist here in Italy as far as I can tell, though any Italian would know the second I say inps and patronati e caf what true hell I had to go through, so I'll just basically say that I had to call and email every possible person involved in the process of my family getting money to eat in the next few months, and the people they sent me to, and more, and 90% of the time they answered only after days or didn't answer at all or had no answers for me, and some gave me wrong info? Yesteday I was for 8 (EIGHT) HOURS straight fully focused on sending/receiving emails and calling the same numbers to fight with different operators to get what they owed me and failed to contact people

and in the end, today I succeeded in making the money request before the time for it was over (I was legit under threat of failing and just... not eating, imagine the stress of knowing that and having people just 'call me back eventually') and I'm mentally and physically exhausted, I was stuttering over the phone at some point and I don't have a stutter? Point being I think I'll take today off too, and try to come back tomorrow, so cross your fingers for me being able to get to drafts and asks now that the worst SEEMS over! Feel very free to send me more asks too to help me write! From ALL but as always feel extra welcomed if you write a Lost/Chuck/Doctor Who character!

#i'm so happy i cannot wait #rp wise. physically wise I'm not happy

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bisexualamy · 1 year

Text

Transition Update #61

Wow! Hi!! I'm back. I haven't done one of these in a few years, but largely that's been because the longer you transition, the less you're transitioning so much as just, living your life as your gender.

I've gained a bunch of new followers since I was regularly posting transition updates, so here are the basics to get everyone up to speed:

I've been on T since August 2016 (about 6 years) and I had top surgery in July 2017 (about 5 years ago). I also have a page on my blog that will route you to everything transition related I've posted, and I'm always happy to answer questions to the best of my ability.

Like with most of my other transition updates this is for my followers only. I'm going to make this post unrebloggable and put any personal info under cut, so please respect that.

Ok!! So what's the headline? I'm getting more surgeries. I have a hysto scheduled for next month. I've been doing this process since August but held off posting because I wanted to aggregate everything at the end. Hopefully this will help clear up some misconceptions about transmasculine surgeries and transition, since I definitely had a bunch before I started. I'm not a doctor. Please get medical advice from your doctors.

So! First big news is that I'm getting a hysterectomy. This is something I've wanted for a while that I put off getting for a few reasons. I was concerned about safety during peak COVID, I was concerned about the possibility of not having natural estrogen production, and, as always, I had that little bit of what if I'm not really trans? fear that most trans people have when they make a big decision. But this past summer, abortion rights were overturned in the United States, and my menstrual cycle came back for the first time in 5 years. These two things were very distressing for me; it was the worst dysphoria I've felt in years. That was ultimately the catalyst for me finally going ahead with my hysto.

I'm doing this as part of a larger process for potentially having bottom surgery. It's taken me a long time to admit that I want bottom surgery because of how much fearmongering and misinfo there is about transmasculine bottom surgery, but my care team has already done some great work dispelling certain myths for me. Ultimately, I may decide to only get the hysterectomy. It depends on a few outstanding variables I'm going to go over in my bottom surgery consultation, which is also next month. I'm not going to get into those details here; that's for another post once I make that choice.

Because I like these posts to be resources as well as journals, here's the timeline I've completed so far regarding my surgical process. I live in New York City and am having surgery locally, so please bear that in mind. I'm not going to name any doctors, surgeons, or surgery centers publicly, because of the increased danger around trans surgery centers and for my own privacy. If you live in the area or are considering pursuing gender affirming surgery in NYC, please message me privately and I can give you more details.

Timeline:

08/2022 - I met with a social worker to go over the entire surgical process, to ensure two things. First, that what I was expecting from surgery was in line with the actual surgical results, and second, that I had an adequate support team during surgery recovery. If I lacked that local support, the surgical center would've set me up in a post-surgery rehab center to make sure I got adequate post-op care.

09/2022 - I had two evals from the surgery center: one physical health, and one mental health. The physical eval was to make sure that my body was healthy enough to survive surgery. They took some blood and went over my medical history. Unfortunately, I don't have any additional insight about what limitations would be placed on fat or disabled patients. I'm not skinny, but I'm straight sized and my weight was never brought up as an issue during eval. The mental health eval was again, to make sure that what I wanted out of surgery was in line with the results. The psychiatrist assured me that this wasn't to "prove" my transness, but to get the info they needed so they could write me a mental health letter of support. This is because my health insurance needs that kind of documentation in order to cover the procedures. We're still waiting on insurance approvals, but they needed a letter from both a physical and mental health provider, for both the hysto and the bottom surgery (4 total).

11/2022 - I had my hysto consult. This is a different surgeon than the surgeon who will potentially be doing bottom surgery. We went over my wants from surgery, how much time I could take off work, what the general timeline would be for recovery, etc. I decided to do my surgery in 3 phases: hysto first, then two subsequent bottom surgeries. While the hysto and phase 1 could be combined, since I can take medical leave next month, it was ultimately the safer choice to spread them out. The surgeon also set me up with an appt with a fertility clinic, since I had questions about my potential fertility. I went to the clinic later in November.

12/2022 - Date scheduled for early January 2023.

Myths:

There were a few myths dispelled for me throughout this process that I want to share:

Myth #1: You have to remove your ovaries if you're getting a hysto with the intent to have bottom surgery. This is not true! If your ovaries are causing you dysphoria and you're younger than middle age, you do not necessarily need to remove them. My surgeon actually encouraged me to keep my ovaries, since their existence doesn't actively cause me dysphoria. Her suggestion was for two reasons:

If for some reason I lost access to my T, my ovaries could kick in as a natural source of hormone production, albeit the wrong hormone.

If I ever wanted to have bio kids in the future (via a surrogate), I could keep my ovaries as egg banks and harvest the eggs for later use.

I was under the impression that it was a significant cancer risk to leave your ovaries in post-hysto. This is apparently not true. If your family doesn't have a history of breast or ovarian cancer, the cancer risk won't likely present until middle age. You can also check your ovaries via external ultrasound even after you have bottom surgery. My surgeon suggested that, if I wasn't sure if I wanted to remove my ovaries, that I should leave them in and take them out in 10-20 years, when I was past the age where I could harvest eggs, and the only things my ovaries could do at that point were to turn cancerous. You can also do an oophorectomy (ovary removal) post bottom surgery! The surgeon is laparoscopic, meaning it's done via your belly button. It will not affect your bottom surgery results.

Ultimately, I decided to remove my uterus, cervix, and tubes, but keep my ovaries for now.

Myth 2: Testosterone increases your risk of ovarian cancer. This is also false! Like my surgeon said, if you have no family history of ovarian or breast cancer, this is (generally) not a concern until middle age. T places your eggs in "stasis" (see below) which makes it difficult for them to grow tumors.

Myth #3: Having a hysto means that you're dependent on your T for the rest of your life. If you keep your ovaries, you will have natural "backup" estrogen production. Even if you remove your ovaries (either during the hysto or later in life), and then lose access to your T, you won't die. This was something I was convinced of. Apparently, you'll basically just go through menopause, though some of the effects of T will revert.

Myth #4: Testosterone renders you infertile. This is not necessarily true. While testosterone does atrophy your ovaries, the doctors told me it's more accurate to say your ovaries are in "stasis" and could restart if you stopped taking T. This does not mean you could carry a baby to term. T is toxic to fetuses, and even if you are fertile and become pregnant, the fetus will not survive if you're taking your T.

When I went to the fertility clinic, they did an external ultrasound and took some blood, and determined that I am still fertile, and I could harvest my eggs if I wanted to use them down the line. I ultimately decided to keep my ovaries and wait on this, because the process will not be covered by insurance and is presently too expensive for me.

My meeting with the fertility clinic was very insightful, but ultimately every person is different. A few things I learned that may or may not be applicable for others:

while we don't really have data about how T affects long term egg viability, there is evidence of successful egg retrieval for guys that have been on T as long as 10 years

while it's easier to get viable eggs if you go off your T during the process (about two months) you don't necessarily have to (this varies person to person)

while it's easier to retrieve eggs pre-bottom surgery and/or if you still have your original opening, it is also possible to retrieve eggs abdominally if you no longer have that opening

if you've already had a hysto and you go off your T to do egg retrieval, you will not have a menstrual cycle because you no longer have a uterus

Ultimately, I'm really grateful to be supported throughout this process by amazing friends, family, and a smart, kind surgical team. I hope this post is informational! I'm happy to answer any additional questions.

Most importantly, I'm so excited to get this procedure!! My menstrual cycle was my #1 source of dysphoria, and even before I was trans I knew I was never going to be pregnant. That concept alone really upsets me. While it may seem odd to others that a hysto can be gender affirming, it's really, really is for me. I've felt so long like I'm carrying around these organs that I not only don't need, but feel like time bombs in my body. The idea that I could get pregnant despite my best efforts to avoid it made me incredibly anxious and dysphoric. Soon, that will never be a concern again, and I'm so, so excited about that.

#transition stuff

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your-greatest-queen · 5 months

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On the verge of a full mental breakdown this morning because of how high my eco-anxiety is and absolutely nobody is taking me seriously

These are from March a few years ago:

These are from November a few years ago:

And of course December:

I live in Canada. Y'know, the Great White North.

These images are showing winter, yeah, but it's not strong. I'm only 18, I was born long after changes started happening to this environment. The winters my grandparents remember are not the same as my parents, and so far off from mine. But the changes were slower then. Less noticed.

The winters of my childhood were freezing. -23°C on a warm day. You'd spend the whole day outside in -25° if the wind wasn't too bad. I noticed the first change, the first major one anyway, when I was roughly 14. I walked outside with no jacket. Just my hoodie and my slippers. It was late December. I think it was Christmas Eve actually. I wasn't cold in the slightest. That should have sent me running back inside, red and chilled to the bone. But I was fine. I could have stayed out there for hours with no issues. I was shocked, but brushed it off as a nice day.

It's been four years and I have noticed every small change since then.

Today, it is December 7th, 2023.

It is currently +2°C outside. The high today is supposed to be +6, with the low only hitting -7 at night.

And this was this morning:

Rain.

I've seen freezing rain in my life. The water comes down hard and sharp as it freezes mid air. It can cut you if you walk through it and it's coming down especially hard. It leaves the roads slick with black ice and everyone gets their salt ready.

This rain was normal, everyday rain. But even then, it was wrong. Rain in July can chill you to the bone. This rain? Not quite warm, but not cold either. It fell all night and all morning. It was coming down hard enough that I would have brought an umbrella, had we not packed them into summer storage two months ago.

And it hasn't frozen. There are puddles everywhere without a hint of ice.

I wore a light coat, not done up; breathable sneakers; no hat; no gloves; no scarf; and I got soaked with rain. And I wasn't even cold.

I never once got to have a cool Halloween costume as a kid because you always had to cover them with a full winter coat. In October.

It's December and we have no snow, it's raining, it's nice outside- the skies are dull and days are short. Those are the only two things that are normal. Even the trees haven't fully lost their leaves.

I wanted to scream about it, but I hoped to settle for talking it through with... Anybody. To point it out to my friends and have them understand my anger and sadness and admit that they feel it too-

But no. Everybody is happy about it.

"oh well, guess we'll have a brown Christmas"

"this is great! Nice weather for a change!"

"we deserve this after always having to deal with -50!!" *(our record low is -54, this is an exaggeration. We usually don't go much lower than -40)

":D"

"Sweet!"

I just. I feel like my heart is going to explode and my lungs are gonna collapse and I'm. I don't know. I've been yelling about the climate crisis for years and nobody has ever once listened to me. I get brushed off every single time and it's driving me crazy that nobody can see the gravity of the situation.

New Viking artifacts are being discovered in rapidly melting glaciers and everybody is thrilled and I'm just here sobbing about it. I would happily never learn the small details of the past if it meant our planet was okay. "Yeah, this is a tragedy, but at least it's given us something super cool now!" NO. I know historians and all them are thrilled, and I'm happy for them, but I'm distraught. I don't care how cool that is, it doesn't lessen the pain or anxiety I feel. What good is any of that info gonna do for the world if everything on our planet is dead.

I'm gonna probably go have that mental breakdown now actually- thanks for reading my rambles, and sorry if I just worsened your eco-anxiety too :( this post wasn't ever going anywhere, I just needed to like. Put this into words, Idk.

Until next time, I guess 👋

#climate crisis #climate change #eco anxiety

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for refusing to be a surrogate mother for my ex?

IDK if the phrasing is ok, english is not my first language and I have a headache.

This was years back but I dreamt about it a couple of nights ago so it might still bother me.

My ex(25M) and me(25F) had a 2y relationship, we had known each other since middle school but became close and dated until college.

Those 2 years were nice and lovely, I have many good memories and wish him the best.

The last months were very rough, we were having problems and we weren't communicating, I won't go deeper into that.

I didn't know he was planning to propose because marriage was not talked often or at all for that matter. So, when I cut him off, in person, well it was obviously not nice. We still talked but he was very hurt.

A year or so later he told me he wanted to talk to me in private but I kinda had a feeling so I told him whatever he wanted to say my partner would know because we talk about everything.

He was hesitant but accepted.

He revealed he had been having health issues, doctors told him he had just a few years left. What he had exactly he didn't reveal.

He told me before that, yk, dying, he wanted to have a kid but not with anyone, it had to be me. (!?!?!?)

I was... Shocked and also very worried about him, but also what?

He hurried to clarify he would pay for in-vitro procedures so he was not asking for sex, he would pay and cover any expenses, I did not have to be the kid's parent, actually that it was better if they didn't learn about me at all. Nothing would be asked of me a side from lending my uterus and an ovary.

I have to clarify he was/is very dear to me, so I was not through the initial shock of learning he would die soon.

My reaction was probably a bit intense and fucked up. I asked the following:

Why would you ask to have a kid knowing you'll be gone soon??

What will happen to our kid when you pass?

Who will take care of them?

He told me it was almost all planned, his family would take care of the kid he just wanted to experience paternity and leave "a piece of myself" behind.

I thought it was bogus.

Why make that to a kid?

I understand having a kid is a big cornerstone for lots of people but if you know your life is ending why leave a kid behind on purpose? IDK it felt wrong.

It was already WILD for him to ask me, an ex, already in a relationship and a kid, to give him a baby just out of the blue without further explanations than "I'm going to die soon".

I told him I could not answer right away , I had to talk about this with my partner. I was already leaning heavily on denying as it all felt wrong.

When talking over this with my partner I noticed I was very concerned about this not even existing kid and I would not be able to keep myself away knowing they would be orphaned prematurely. So the answer was obvious.

When meeting again I tried to be very polite, I made it clear I didn't agree with his plan and I was not going to partake in it cause I felt it was unfair for the kid.

He was clearly hurt, tried to push a bit(not violence tho) to make me understand what he was going through and how this could be beneficial for his mental health.

It all ended there, he didn't take it well and was very disappointed.

Some additional info that could be relevant, we're now on our 30's, last time I talked to him it was 2 years ago and he seemed fine but almost never answers my messages checking up on him.

Him or his family are not rich nor am I so the concern of his elderly parents having to care for the kid was also a big factor.

He was never too big on having kids when we dated, so this came very out of the blue.

So, AITA for not giving my ex a kid knowing he would die young?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #eyestrain

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beautynthewitch · 1 year

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Everything will be okay. ( a WandAgatha fanfic. )

Summary: In Paris lived Wanda with her husband, a small but violent man who didn't hesitate to abuse her physically, mentally but mostly sexually. A few months ago, she met Agatha: a rich and beautiful woman who didn't hide her homosexuality. One night, it was too much for Wanda and the violence from her husband got too extreme for her to stay anymore.

More info: In this AU, Wanda don't have her power. She will learn witchcraft from Agatha.

Warnings: Angst, NSFW ( mention of rape, scenes of violence, blood, mention of murder. )

—

Paris, 1860.

The big city was slowly fading into the darkness of the winter night, the shining of the moon and stars illuminating with a soft light the streets and houses.

2 Am. Everyone should be asleep, but in the Raquin's bedroom everyone was still up; Camille, a blond haired man with large green eyes, was laying down in a large wooden bed with his spouse: Wanda. Both of them were fully awake, but not for the same reasons. . .

Dressed with only a thin night gown cut just under her butt, Wanda could feel the nasty and disgusting looks of Camille going over her body, cherishing every shape of it. She felt disgusted by it, but even if she wanted to tell him to stop watching her sleep, she didn't; scared of his response or reaction. Camille was a very violent man, who never hesitated to hit Wanda to make her his sexual toy. Her eyes closed for a few minutes, trying to think of something else, but she reopened them quickly; feeling a cold hand sliding over the shapes of her waist and butt.

— Not tonight Camille, please. I'm tired. Let me sleep for once.

Whispered the redhead as she pushed away the man's hand, making him growl with anger; suddenly making the woman turn around as he cupped her face with his hand, making her look into his eyes. Wanda froze; clearly scared by the man.

— If I want to use you tonight, you'll shut up and let me use you. So don't push me away again or I'll swear to God i'll make this night the worst you ever had.

Wanda's body was trembling, but her will to do as she wanted was too strong and so, she pushed away the man again; getting up from the bed just after, caressing her own cheek, this one hurting.

— Wanda, I'll ask you one more time: come back on the bed.

— No. I won't.

— No ? I see how it is.

The man slowly got up from the bed, stepping forward to the woman with calm but loud footsteps. And as soon as he was close enough to Wanda, he grabbed her reddish hair; pulling it hard enough for her to fall on the ground. She whimpered, hiding her face with her arms to protect herself.

— Without me, you're nothing. So stay at your fucking place. If I want to use your body every night, I'll do it even if you don't want it.

After these words, Camille took again the woman's hair to push her over the bed, now his body towering over hers. Wanda eyes quickly started to get wet from tears, she was terrified; she knew Camille could do anything to her.

— Camille, please, I am just asking for one night of peace. You'll do whatever you want tomorrow but tonight I –

She got cut in her sentence by a sudden and hard slap across her face; a new whimper fading between her pinkish lips. Camille cupped his spouse's face once more.

— One more word or even a sound and I promise on my mother's head that the next slap will be with my hand closed.

Wanda was trembling, now sobbing as she was quietly begging Camille to stop and leave her alone; but everything got worse quickly: forced kisses over lips, soon her neck and breasts as his hands were touching her body to come and take off her panties.

— Camille please!

She was begging, using her hands to punch and push his body. And finally, with all of her strength, she pushed the man away to make herself fall from the bed and get away from him.

— You slut! Start to run because if I catch you, you'll have way worse than what I was supposed to do to you!

Wanda looked up over the bed to see the man's silhouette stand up, doing the same as well; and without more thinking, she ran to the bedroom door, opening it so hard that the handle slammed against the wall. She ran down the stairs, but her feet slipped and she fell right on the wooden floor; her face hitting the wood maybe too hard because of how her lips were now bleeding as well as her nose.

She was on her stomach, face against the wood as Camille was getting to her, now towering over her again but this time he was on his feet. His hands took the woman's hair in a ponytail to pull it hard enough for her to squeak.

— You're fucking pathetic, Wanda. Look at you, who would want someone like you. You disgust me.

Laughed the man before tightening his grip on the girl's hair and suddenly, BOOM, he hit her face against the floor. She squeaked in pain, blood dripping from her lip and nose as he was now letting go of her reddish hair to walk forward in the room.

— You have no one to run to. Who would want a filthy slut like you ? Even your dad did not want you, he preferred to go to war and leave you.

Wanda looked up from wooden floor, everything was moving around her, it felt like she was on a boat; she was hearing Camille but her own breath was louder than his words and the sound around her.

— Get up !

He got closer to her to take her arm and make her stand up.

— Come on you are the one who wanted to run away, go ahead it's open. I can even help you !

Camille left her to go open the door, slamming it against the wall. He stepped outside to scream for help, screaming very loudly to make sure everyone would hear him. But no one moved, everyone acted like nothing was happening.

— See ? No one gives a fuck about what's happening here !

— Camille please let's just go back into our bed to sleep and forget everything...

— No Wanda. You wanted to run away so go ahead, run ! Run to nowhere since no one gives a fuck about you !

He stepped forward, now close to the redhead; close enough to pull the girl by the hair from the stairs to the door, pushing her outside.

She looked up at him when hitting the floor by the violent push he gave her, eyes full of tears. Camille took her by the shoulders, pushing her against a wall.

— You're miserab–

As he was talking, he suddenly stopped when he received some spit on his face: making him grunt in disgust, letting the ginger go from his grip. Wanda spat in his face.

She fell on the floor, quickly getting up to get away from Camille; but she felt bad for leaving the shop. She couldn't just leave like that but she also couldn't stay like that with Camille. The pressure was suddenly falling on her, looking back at the shop, she stopped herself in her run.

— What are you waiting for ? You should hurry before I catch you, Wanda.

A shiver run through her back, when hearing the psychotic man talk again as he walked towards her in a menacing way; was he really going to chase her into Paris ? Or was he just trying to scare her ? She didn't want to know.

Her feet started moving again on the cold ground before she looked away and started running away. Away from him. Away from everything she had here.

Bare foot, in a thin night dress, running for her life in the parisian streets as her tears were rolling doing her doll cheeks. How could all of this have happened ? Had she ever done something bad to him for him to get so violent with her ? Was it her fault ? She could hear the man whistling from afar to signal he was following her.

Running and running, Wanda's body was feeling weak. She was running for almost an hour straight now, loosing hope every second: but suddenly, the Harkness house appeared in front of her eyes. She made it. She finally found her lover's house and everything would be okay! Tripping, panting, crying; she finally reached the house. Walked up the small stairs in front of it, she banged repeatedly her fist against the door, begging in her mind for Agatha to wake up.

— For God's sake, I'm coming !

The hollow voice of the woman could be heard from behind the door, some mumbling following her first words. Now opening the door, a gasp escaped the black haired woman's mouth. She could barely recognize her lover with all the bruises and dirt on her face.

— Wanda is that you – ? Oh dear lord, my sweet angel –

She got cut in her sentence by Wanda falling on her knees; the older one rushing toward the redhead to help her stand up, even taking her in her arms and carrying her to go inside the house. Agatha walked into the living room, putting down her Chérie near the fired up chimney.

— You're all cold and dirty, Chérie. Wait here, I'll come back.

She stood up, leaving the room to go right in the bathroom and get a basin with a towel, also some clothes. She knew what had happened. She knew exactly who put Wanda like that, a fire lighting up in her mind; she couldn't stand it anymore, seeing her partner with bruises and scars everyday wasn't an option anymore.

She walked back into the living room: a basin of water, a towel and some clothes in her arms. Putting it down near the victim, her warm hands slid over Wanda's cheeks to caress it softly.

— It's him again, isn't it ?

Wanda nodded her head, melting against the touch offered to her.

— He'll never hurt you again, I promise. I'll protect you with my own life if I have to.

Her right hand reached to the towel, wetting it into the bassin before rubbing it gently over Wanda's face, getting her face clean. Soon she did the same with her whole body; well most of it, especially where she was hurt from her race outside and finally, she helped her put on the clothes.

Both women stayed for minutes, maybe an hour in front of the chimney, Agatha mostly waiting for Wanda to fall asleep so she could put her in bed; and when it happened, Agatha didn't wait a second more to do so: putting Wanda in bed and tucking her in.

And soon, Agatha was on her way to the boutique where Wanda ran away from: but contrary to Wanda, she wasn't going to let the frail and miserable man hurt her, even raise his voice at her, he wouldn't have time to anyways.

#wanda maximoff #agatha harkness #wagatha #wandagatha #wanda x agatha #angst #marvel #wagatha fluff #Paris city of love ???#not really tho #english not my first language #wanda fanfic #wagatha AU #WandAgatha AU #lesbian witches #they are in love #Agatha going to kill someone oop

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