#i want to stop trying

[sephfire]

Can I please just give up...?

#deprresion #depressiv #burnout #i want to disappear #i want to cry #i want to stop trying #depressing shit #i want to scream #im sorry #guilt #let this stop #i want to get hit by a truck #i want to end this #i want to give up #i can't take this anymore

[naes-dairy]

I really want to give up

I really wish the body didn't try so hard

Just make an exception for me, please

I'm seriously so tired, I'm not even doing any work

I always crumble apart when I'm on my own

Nobody is there to see me or hear me

I'm so tired of it all

I though the dead of night was my safe haven

The time where I could freely be me to do whatever I want

But now it's a nightmare

I long to see it, yet dread the tears

It's painful

Of all it, I just want to sleep forever

I don't even remember my dreams

It's like life is a nightmare and we all have to out up with it

Some survive, others dint

I don't want to

I want to give up.

Just let me give up, please

I'm so tired.

Please.

I don't even know what else to say

I can compare my sufferings to all the other people in the world and berate myself

But pain is still pain, and it hurts nonetheless.

I wish it didnt

But being immune to pain doesn't cure the sickness.

Man. I know I was never suicidal, but...

I really wonder how many times I've lied to people about my feelings

Nobody knows.

Nobody will figure it out.

I can only leave the faintest clues for people, and even then my facade will trick them

I wish death would just take me

I don't want to suffer anymore, even if I'm the one who's causing it

Because I can't even fix what I've started

And that's the worst kind of trouble

#ive given up on trying ti meesage crisis lines #trying to call them is even worse because of my anxiety #i just want to give up #im saying it in the nicest way possible #i dont want to die #i want to stop trying #to give up and never return #to stop breathing of my own accord #and dream of an endless slumber #its too bad i dont really have dreams #i dont even know what im talking about anymore #maybe ive lost it #trying to distract myself again will just lead to my frelings getting out of control again #im sick of this #im sick of myself #you dont understand #i dont understand #expresso the depresso #naes vent posts #i must be depressed #depression #suicide #i guess #im so sick in the head #what is wrong with me #what #what?

[luciferwasanangelfirst]

relapsing and opening iamsober only to see that today would have been 300 days sober.

i hate myself even more now

#spilled thoughts #mental health #i want to stop trying #given up #i want to give up #please let me sleep #my mind is so loud #i want peace

[clownoverrat]

"please learn about my disorder so you understand why I react the way I do" and "my disorder is not an excuse to be an asshole" should co-exist and people should understand the difference

#im overstimulated and want to be left alone and trying so hard to not be mean about #but the people i have to be around dont understand that im overstimulated and think im being a dick by asking them to stop asking me #the same question 5 times #uuewgahahff #chem.txt

[inkskinned]

so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this'' #and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion'' #so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop! #and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

[maryreadings]

i hate my face and my weight and my tooth color and how i feel like i'm nothing at all

#i want to stop trying

[oneweek]

modern media literacy is so cooked like what do you mean you gave saltburn a .5 star rating because it wasn’t the class consciousness film you wanted that’s not what the fucking movie is about… ‘they made it hard to keep rooting for him and identifying with him’ idk maybe don’t project onto every character in media you come across & then get scared when they act in a way you wouldn’t

#like not everything is superhero vs villian #not everything is defined as a good vs evil #morally grey characters exist and you guys just keep proving you cant handle them #like for the love of GOD!!!!!!! #watch the movie as it is and stop fucking trying to make everything something you want it to be #i could go on and on but #saltburn #rambles #random #movies

[kizzer55555]

DP x DC: The Most Dangerous Card Game

Ok so Danny has essentially claimed earth as his. And he is fully aware that there are constant threats to the planet. Now he can’t stop a threat that originates on earth (that’s something he’ll leave to the Justice league) but he can do something about outside threats. Doing some research on ancient spells, rituals, and artifacts, he cast a world wide barrier on the planet to protect it from hostile threats so they cannot enter. This will prevent another Pariah Dark incident. However, barriers like this come at a price. You see, there are two ways to make a barrier. Either make one powered up by your own energy and power (which would be constantly draining) or set up a barrier with rules. The way magic works is that nothing can be absolutely indestructible. It must have a weakness. The most powerful barriers weren’t the ones reinforced with layer after layer of protective charms and buffed up with power. Those could eventually be destroyed either by being overpowered, wearing them down, or by cutting off the original power source. No, the most powerful barriers were the ones with a deliberate weakness. A barrier indestructible except for one spot. A cage that can only be opened from the outside. Or that can only be passed with a key or by solving a riddle. So Danny chooses this type of barrier and does the necessary ritual and pours in enough power to make it. And he adds his condition for anyone to enter. 

Now the Justice league? Find out about the barrier when Trigon attempts to attack, they were preparing after he threatened what he would do once he got to earth. How he would destroy them. The Justice league tried to take the fight to him first but were utterly destroyed, so they retreated home to tend to their injuries, and fortify earth for one. Last. Stand. Only when Trigon makes his big entrance…he’s stopped.

The Justice league watch in awe as this thin see-through barrier with beautiful green swirls and speckled white lights like stars apears blocking Trigon and his army’s advance. The barrier looks so thin and fragile yet no matter how hard the warlord hits, none of his attacks can get through and neither can he damage said barrier. That’s when Constantine and Zatanna recognizes what this barrier is. Something only a powerful entity could create. For a moment, the league is filled with hope that Trigon can’t get through yet Constantine also explains that it’s not impenetrable. And clearly Trigon knows this too for he calls out a challenge. 

And that’s when, in a flash of light, a tiny glowing teenager appears. He looked absolutly minuscule compared to Trigon and yet practically glowed with power (this isn’t a King Danny AU though).

And that is when the conditions for passing the barrier are revealed. And the Justice realize that the only thing stopping Trigon and his army from decimating earth. The only way he can get through….is by beating this glowing teenager in a card game. 

Not just any card game though. The most convoluted game Sam, Danny, and Tucker invented themselves. It’s like the infinite realms version of magic the gathering, combined with Pokémon, and chess. And Danny is the master. So sit down Trigon and let’s play.

(The most intense card game of the Justice league’s life).

After Danny wins, this happens a few more times with outer word beings and possibly even demons attempting to invade earth, yet none have been able to beat the mysterious teenager in a card game. Constantine might even take a crack at it and try to figure out how to play. He’s really bad though. Every time this happens, the Justice league worry that this might be the time the teenager looses. Yet every time, he wins (even if only barely). 

Meanwhile, Danny, Sam, and Tucker have gotten addicted to the game and play it almost daily. Some teachers might seem them playing the game are are like ‘awww how cute’ not realizing this game is literally saving the world. Jazz is just happy they aren’t spending as much time on their screens playing Doomed.

#DPxDC #dcxdp #Danny makes a card game to save the world. #Technically he worded the ritual so that they had to ‘beat’ him as those are the most powerful barriers and most reliable. #keys can just get lost or stolen (like the one to Pariah’s Coffin) #A riddle would be useless once someone figured out the answer. Like how no one takes the sphynx seriously anymore. #(Sorry Tuck. But it’s true). #And there is NO WAY Danny is just leaving a hole open for anyone to pass through. No thank you! #So…beating him. But it’s not like Danny wanted to fight so…he edited the ritual a TINY bit. Card games are good. Much less painful too. #Danny Tucker and Sam made the most complicated card game they could imagine. #It’s based on their strategies for fighting ghosts. Capturing them in thermoses. And MUCH based on a on field battle strategy. #It often requires spontaneous thinking on the spot. So Danny? In his ELEMNT. It doubles as practice for his actual ghost battles too. #They had SO much fun making this. #Sam added an entire series of plant cards that act as traps and healing ointments and duds that just take up the field. #Tucker added legitimate hyroglyphics combined with Latin as well as English and ghost speak. #Yes. You actually have to speak that language to play. With proper pronunciation. (Amity Parker’s think the three are talking gibberish.) #I headcanon Sam and Tucker are fluent in Ghost. #Constantine WILL figure this game out SO HELP HIM! #Some of the cards also have combinations related to constellations either in name or placement on the board. #By the way the board is based on a Hexagonal summoning circle with Rhunes along the edges #And the placement of the cards on the board and on what rhune MATTERS. #Also the cards move disintegrate and have certain abilities. Think of Harry Potter Wizard Chess. #But they are normal when Danny plays at school. This is just for ✨effect✨ Against invaders. #Danny faces multiple opponents. He also halts alien invasions. #While Danny COULD stop crime on earth he’s not sure how to fight a normal human and hold back so he sticks to ghosts. #The Justice league are going crazy trying to figure out who this entity is and after deep research are convinced this is some sort of #Ancient being who has protected earth for millenia. They have paintings on ruins and everything. #Danny is not aware they think this. #Raven starts praying to Danny as if he is a god and wrangles the other Teen Titans into doing so as well. Danny is still unaware of this. #Danny is not a King or an ancient. Just a very VERY strong ghost.

[lotus-pear]

god i love skk sm i wish gay ppl were real :(

#LOTUS DRAWING ACTUAL POSES AND NOT JUST BUSTS??? WOAH #i swear i actually know anatomy and stuff i just never draw it bc it's too much effort #going to bed <<<<< staying up until two thirty to draw your otp #ALSO.. for those of you who know i'm rewatching bsd w my friend whose never seen it before.. we finally got to ep9 #and she IMMEDIATELY clocked in on skk's toxic exes energy😭😭 #also she calls chuuya childe bc hes a ginger and his first reaction to seeing dazai was “fight me >:)” #she was like “omgg..hes part of the evil organization🤭 and has beef w the protag (he wants to fuck them😏) *giggles* wait. TARTAGLIA😨😨‼️” #I WAS TRYING SO HARD NOT TO SCREAM.. I COULDNT LET HER KNOW HOW DISTRAUGHT I WAS HEARING THAT FOR THE TENTH TIME #anyway we finished s1 and chuuya's her fav character so far let's see if she can learn his actual name and stop calling him childe😭😭 #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #skk #lotus draws

[cosmicwhoreo]

I think I introduced my cats to each other incorrectly...

#she won't stop trying to eat himmm #he doesn't seem to mind tho... #he's a very laid back old cat who growls as a way of saying hi #cookie run kingdom #cookie run #asks #captain caviar cookie #black pearl cookie #blacaviar #idk i wanted to draw them squimshy #crk

[sephfire]

My life is falling apart and it's my fault

#depression #deprresion #depressiv #burnout #i want to cry #i want to disappear #depressing shit #i want to stop trying #i want to scream #im sorry #guilt #anxiety #health anxiety #self harm #cutting

[hugs-and-stabbies]

[ Part 2 / 6 ] just two friendless and dateless guys on a Valentine's day night :')

[Link to part 1]

#cheeky lil 1:17 am upload 🥴🥴 I meant it when i said I'd post these as i finish them #might reblog it again tomorrow if it gets eaten by the night lol #dead plate #rody lamoree #vincent charbonneau #rody x vincent #rodincent #?? #i saw that pop up in the popular tags #I dont even know man imma stop trying to tag these with a ship name ahahah #the people that want to find this will :3 #dead plate fanart

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #this is my blog and i'm going to write a million words about lilia and you can't stop me #but anyway i do genuinely get the impression that he's using Pretending to Be a Teenager as a chance to be even sillier than usual #he's a very silly man he's just being EXTRA silly #supported by his recent birthday card where he says he was specifically trying to cast himself as an adorable little brother-type #because he wanted the other students to give him free shit and save him seats and things like that #it worked for about a week before he turned out to be way too good at stuff and everyone just kind of ended up in awe of him instead #and he was like DANGIT. I'VE RUINED IT FOR MYSELF. #(then he and epel went on to talk about their hypothetical vtubersonas because the birthday cards are INSANE but anyway) #i'm bad at headcanons :( sorry! #unless it's dumb things like...what pokemon they would have or whatever #(malleus would have some kind of special fancy-colored dragapult) (but i digress) #i have a hard time putting things into words. just know that i love the grampa bat and his weird kids very much. #my brain is also still kind of fried from the last couple of weeks #i am however starting 2024 off the way i intend to continue it: in deep contemplation of anime hair #(sorry if these look weirdly aliased) (i realized about 3/4 of the way through i was using the wrong brush and i didn't want to restart :U)

[rouge-the-bat]

"i just want non-queers to just see me as a normal person just like them" cool good for you. meanwhile ive been a weird little freak since i was a kid and the world is gonna have to learn to accept me like i am or ill start burning shit

you can be down for simple assimilation for yourself but many of us just want to be respected as is because theres nothing wrong with being different. especially those of us who are also neurodivergent on top of queer or many other things people often ostracize in society.

if you want other queers to water themselves down or just completely close off parts of their identity and self expression so that you wont be associated with those ~freaks~ and can be more easily accepted by The Normies, then you are not caring about your fellow queers at all.

we arent doing any harm, and we should be pushing for people to accept others no matter how HARMLESSLY strange and unusual they may come across. challenging the norm is the only way to get more people accepted across all communities.

#queer #just kinda stream of thought i hope i worded well #essentially: you shouldnt be trying to control how other queers express themselves #if you want something more ~tame~ to be seen at first by some non-queers then just make ur own space #find a non-kink pride or something idfk. just dont try to say pride shouldnt have kink #or stop us from being loud and rainbow and flamboyant and gnc and flashy and drag queens/kings and etc etc

[heartorbit]

so when's the wxs phantom of the opera set

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #tsukasa tenma #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #ruis hair continues to piss me off forever. and ever #Yes i stole their phantom outfits from the revue gacha game. Whos gonna stop me. I WAS SO MAD THAT PHANTOM NANA IS AN OBSOLETE CARD OK #the discerning revsta + pjsekai fan can see i gave emu nanas outfit and rui michirus. Becaude i am crazy. Edel de/light was crazy. #polysho #proseka #why are there so many fuckfign tags. Why so tagging. -the tumbler #Ok sorry #Watch me go insane. Phantom is such a fucking rui role inknow ok i know i know. thats why i gave it to him. but also. I have emu disease #INSTEAD OF THE BRAINTHEREIS EMUUUUUU!!!!!! #Trying to figure out if i should render these and how sucked. cause the first one was drawn on paper and scanned . i shoildve just left itA #Its ifne idekc. I did another emu phantom drawing but i dont feel like posting it alone so ill have to draw more of this. bye #i dont even like the phantom. and i want to kill andrew llyoyid webber with a hammer. And so should you

[isjasz]

[Day 166]

Keep at arm's (sword's) length

#dddaily4sherin #grian #pearlescentmoon #zombiecleo #goodtimeswithscar #secret life #secret life smp #trafficblr #traffic smp #my art #Sorry this looks. Kinda bad I have been drawing the whole day the art kinda stopped arting💀💀💀 #but I wanted to draw everyone that has offered an alliance to scar :') #plus the heart foundation but they hate him now HEADINHANDS #do you want to trade swords with him? #(my brother in christ trying to scam ppl into giving you better swords ISNT A WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS) #ARE U EVEN TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS ANYMORE SCARRRRRR