#i usually think “oh yeah my dad's here” when he's home. hell i sometimes mistake him for a random guy in the house.

[vanillamatchadove]

siiigh. i honestly dont know when my parents are arguing or just. being a couple.

#i dont like being in the same room as them.... usually involves me overhearing them kind of fighting #im sick of it............ #could just be me not used to hearing my dad's voice. #even tho its been a year since he started being in my life again i still feel like he isnt there. #every weekday he's working and ever weekend he's home. but i feel like he's barely there. #i usually think “oh yeah my dad's here” when he's home. hell i sometimes mistake him for a random guy in the house. #could just be me not used to having a dad again.

[inkmemes]

young  royals  (  2021  )  sentence  starters ↪  taken  from  netflix’s  swedish  ya  drama.  non-contextual  spoilers.  trigger  warning  for  mentions  of  sexual  activity,  drugs,  alcohol,  death,  implied  internalised  homophobia,  bullying.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“at least you can stay for a cup of coffee?”

“hey, wait up. did you sleep together?” 

“he's probably making out with someone. forget it.”

“i can't take it anymore.”

“what are you doing?”

“and he had to finish your sentence. what's going on? you like him.”

“every time you see your dad, you get all depressed.”

“you're still here, so obviously you must want something.”

“are you high? what the hell are you on?”

“does this make you horny?” 

“i like [town name], but i don't want to live here forever.”

“you can leave now. go home. i'm staying here for the weekend.”

“do you want chocolate?”

“how do you feel?” 

“it's kind of hard to tell them apart, you know.” 

“you're a worthless drunk.”

“you … you need to figure out what you want. and you can take all the time you need. and i respect that. but you have to do it by yourself. i don't want to be anyone's secret.”

“you have to stop pretending that you're not afraid.”

“that's the thing, i just don't want that.”

“it's something new. something fresh.”

“can we talk privately for a minute?” 

“and if anyone gives you a hard time, you know, just let me know, and i'll take care of it.” 

“you do know you don't need to hide?” 

“are you gonna let us in?”

“promise to let me know if there's anything i can do.”

“hey, we won't go blind from your moonshine, right?”

“i'm just getting a good vibe. that's all.”

“you're so fucking pathetic.”

“you realize that this will have consequences?”

“he's such a fucking idiot.”

“i wanted us to have a few minutes alone.”

“when you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the world.” 

“i really like you.”

“felt like i had to rescue you from that situation.”

“it got so damn hot in there, i thought i'd get some fresh air.”

“you are allowed your own opinions. it's cool.”

“i've seen the way you look at each other.”

“here, this one is a little big for me, but i think it'll look great on you.”

“do you think royal dick is different than regular?”

“you're the only one here i feel i can actually talk to.” 

“i haven't heard anything yet, but i'll tell you as soon as i do.”

“you can't just lie here jerking off.”

“i don't want to go to some fucking boarding school!”

“i've missed this place so much.”

“are you going to horror movie night on friday?”

“but i like you. and that is not fake.”

“you don't need to share everything.”

“we should go to a concert again sometime.”

“you're fucking crazy!”

“where have you been? i've been trying to reach you.”

“just don't use the school's wi-fi for porn surfing. could be embarrassing.”

“but no matter what, they can't dictate what you say.”

“sorry about last night.”

“i don't want to talk to you!”

“i don't wanna sound like an idiot.”

“i was thinking, would you like to have a sleepover at my place? because that's something friends do. it's going to be really cozy.”

“i think maybe we should forget about that.”

“you can't really see that it is you.”

“i mean, it could be anyone. it's so fucking stupid.”

“i don't want to say anything.” 

“now you're doing it again. you're trying to take care of me.” 

“i can take it, it's okay.”

“that's not true. i haven't spoken to my parents.”

“we haven't done anything wrong.”

“you're beautiful! you're so beautiful.”

“i'm gay, [name].”

“seriously? what the fuck is your problem?”

“you keep letting people piss on you!”

“i just assumed you didn't want special treatment.”

“keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

“so you thought you'd start spreading false rumours without having any proof?” 

“i just didn't want to lose you.”

“uh, there's pizza left if you want some.”

“everybody thinks you're perfect. you know that, right?”

“he's just been outed.”

“i'm going to fuck this up.”

“he bloody ruined my fucking life!”

“why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?”

“hi. sorry, i was feeling a bit better. so i thought it was okay that i hung out with some friends.”

"everyone should be allowed to live as gay or straight or whatever they want.”

“i woke up in my own bed. that's always something.”

“could i just have one second? just one second alone, please?”

“i’m sorry. but it was, like, the only way.”

“i thought, everyone deserves a second chance.”

“i'm sorry about the mess. i wasn't expecting such distinguished company.”

“i just don't want you to be treated badly again.”

“oh, fuck.”

“you don't even… aren't you even gonna answer me?”

“i didn't know that one was supposed to sign up.”

“in real life, you don't pay to get ahead.”

“and what the fuck does your dad do?”

“let's try to have some table manners.”

“it's, like, really serious.”

“who the hell can live like this for three fucking years?”

“that's what happens when you buy the cheap ones.”

“i need your help with something. ”

“being a prince is not a punishment, but a privilege.”

“it's awesome to just chill out.”

“or maybe he lied about that too. what do i know?”

“you have to give people a chance.”

“you have to try to see it from my perspective.” 

“what the hell's this?”

“what happened to "we should forget about it"?”

“stop being so fucking stubborn and try to understand my situation.”

“sometimes it's better not to say everything.” 

“i was just bored.”

“have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“sometimes it's better to keep quiet.”

“can i get you some coffee?”

“nobody else cares about these things.”

“i lost track of time.”

“everybody does the same things and everybody knows everybody.”

“thanks for rescuing me yesterday.”

“remember when he came up to us the first week and was like, "what's up?"”

“i need you to delete all our texts.”

“i can't keep doing this anymore.”

“are you gonna let them go on with their bullshit?”

“i want to be with you.”

“here's a blanket, a pillow, and bed sheets. there you go.”

“okay, yeah. you don't seem to have grasped what i'm trying to say.”

“it's usually boring as hell.”

“he's been dealing to us for months.”

“i don't want to talk to him.”

“don't you wanna date [name] anymore?”

“i don't know why he's started texting me again. he knows i don't want anything to do with him.” 

“yeah, we had a shitload of drugs.”

“we could murder someone, and nobody would say a word.”

“she needs some fun.”

“he's just doing it to fuck with me.”

“it's such a weird question.”

“i just wanted to say hi. i don't believe we've met. ”

“but i still want us to be friends.”

“if i were to stay here… would you… like to keep me company? just you and me.”

“everything's, like, upside down now.”

“have you always lived here?”

“damn it. sorry. shit. i completely forgot.”

“i'm sure someone has a story to tell.”

“you've got to put yourself first. i mean, no matter what he thinks about it.”

“come on! you can't just sit there stuck in your room.”

“you can snuggle up in my safe arms if it gets scary.”

“i want to live a normal life.”

“let me have a look. you can hardly see it.”

“any other dick that's been sucked?”

“you just expect everything to be on your terms.”

“i want to know everything!”

“you don't have to go there. i'll take care of myself.”

“has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” 

“i'll just stay in and go to bed early.”

“thanks for explaining the schedule.”

“i'd rather die.”

“i don't want you to be mad.”

“promise to tell me if something is wrong.”

“i can't be dressed like this if you're dressed like that.” 

“it's really complicated.”

“it feels like you don't care what people think about you, or if you have a lot of friends and stuff.” 

“nobody asked you to come. feel free to leave if you want.”

“well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this!” 

“there isn't so much to do around here.”

“you've become such a snob.”

“i know you're only trying to help me.” 

“do you like it here?”

“i don't wanna go in there. we're not even invited. fuck this.”

“don't you think it's weird [name] invited us to come?”

“if they hadn't been here, would you've, uh, made out with me?”

“so, you're an actual proper couple now?”

“you're thinking about someone else.”

“you're right. we're doing this together.”

“thanks… for nothing.”

“why are you even so obsessed with him?”

“i want you to hold me.”

“call me when you want to be picked up.”

“what the fuck do you care?” 

“i don't think we're a couple or anything. i don't know what it is.”

“you never asked me!”

“your focus should be on comforting me so that i can comfort him.” 

“it's not that hard. you have to be able to keep up appearances.”

“famous people make videos like that.”

“maybe somebody forgot to tell me, as usual.”

“just make a move on [name] and show him what you want.”

“you wanna stay a while and jam?”

“have you talked to your parents about it?”

“a diverse bunch of losers, who'll never amount to anything.”

“why can't i decide how the hell i want to live?”

“apparently, i'm the only one who doesn't know everybody.”

“i used to have straight a's on every test.”

“it will damage our reputation.”

“i'm fucking starving.”

“why is it called tax "evasion" but welfare "scam"? it's all right that rich people cheat, but when poor people do it, it's messed up. for rich people, it's not even called "welfare”, it's called "deduction."”

“what the fuck is rowing?”

“what the hell have you done, [name]?”

“good voice, man.”

“why can't i just have a relationship with him?”

“did you have fun last friday?”

“all the people are fake. they're made out of metal.”

what do you want me to say? i'm sorry!”

“is this some kind of prank?”

“i like you when you are yourself!”

“but you like him, don't you?”

“she shouldn't talk to you like that.”

“are you into him?”

“something's not right, i think we should head back to the road.”

“do you have trouble sleeping?”

“doesn't anyone care what i want?”

“just don't tell anyone that i've been here.”

“i was going to text you back, but…”

“your only mistake was that you hung out with the wrong kind of people.”

“i just wanted to help.”

“i know you'll use anything to get high or drunk.” 

“it's time to stop being so selfish.”

“i just want my fucking money.”

“you should've planned ahead. didn't you bring a sandwich?” 

“who the fuck wants to be normal anyway?”

“you fucking told me you were the one i could always come to!”

“i take it back.”

“i can see there's something going on.”

“i have to finish getting ready, so if you could please leave.”

“no one likes me when i'm myself.” 

“i hope you have a nice christmas.”

“i'm gonna do the wrong things, say the wrong things.”

“my mom is gonna kill me.”

“do you remember what you said to me last night?”

“i cannot be dragged into this.”

“i like you too.”

“you're no longer a part of my family.”

“it's well-suited for smaller people.”

“i assume that he thought that it would make him popular.”

“i didn't ask for this!”

“it's no problem. i like doing it.”

“it feels like i'm gonna throw up.”

“don't i get any breakfast?”

“whatever i do, i can't do anything right.”

“we haven't been to any party whatsoever.”

“did you get my texts?”

“i think it sounds romantic.”

“uh, wait, you have to come to the horror movie night on friday.”

“i liked what you said in there, [name].”

“okay, maybe he used to be a player, but love can actually change you.”

“it's nice to make an effort and dress up for dinner.” 

“i'm in a fucked-up situation and i'm trying to talk to you.” 

“you don't understand. i was gonna pay it.”

“you're not that kind of guy.”

“i was about to go outside and, um, do you wanna come with?”

“what about me?” 

“it was… okay, i guess.”

“can i sit with you?”

“you call this a scary movie?”

“i have a million things to take care of, i don't have time to talk to you.”

“have you lost it completely?”

“but i'm starving.”

“this past year has been difficult for me.”

“i don't get it. she's making it into such a big deal.”

“no, this won't work. just take it off, please.” 

“i'm not like that.”

“fuck you. it's not a crush.”

“then i know that i can't count on you.”

“can't you come see me in [town] sometime?”

“it's just that we can't be seen together.” 

“he was still sleeping when i walked in.”

“doesn't bother me at all. i've seen it. absolutely. 100%.”

“[name] is really getting on my nerves! seriously.”

“i want us to be friends again.”

“i thought you and [name] were friends.”

“make sure you check your dms. okay?”

“you think it's fun to fuck with people like me?”

“never spend money you don't have. okay?”

“you think i'm stupid?”

“this sucks.” 

“how nice to see some smiles.”

“this isn't just about me, but my entire family.”

“i'm going to marry her.”

“are you threatening me?”

“don't you realize the shit storm that follows if i come out?” 

“i don't want you to talking to her.”

“remember what we saw during movie night? when they sat next to each other?”

“i love you.”

“i just want to hang out with you.”

"there's no point in having a back-up if you never use it."

“pretend i'm saying something clever.”

“how's [name]? he must be totally devastated.”

“what do you think they think we're talking about?”

“everything is fake. everything in the world is fake.”

“[name] is dead.”

“it just wasn't what i thought it would be like.”

“since when did you start liking him for real?” 

“what a fucking douchebag. god!”

“what the hell are you saying? chill out!”

#rp meme #rp prompt #rp starters #rp sentence meme #rp sentence starters #it's long but i like my memes chunky <3 #lemme know if u'd prefer i do things in parts tho ! #also everyone watch this show immediately :knife:

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳all the king's men ♡ ☾

in which all the king's men couldn't put the pieces of y/n l/n together. we all have the days where we're insecure and broken, this is one of hers.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±1.8k

tw: insecurity, bullying

please if you are having overly harmful thoughts about yourself, talk to a friend or a professional. you are perfect the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

drop a follow if you wanna see more of this content!!

my masterlist:D

it's so sad that the best people tend to think the worst of themselves

all the king's men

y/n, for lack of a better description, was feeling like humpty dumpty. she had seen herself in the mirror last night, and felt positively traumatised. she had come back from a quidditch practice session, and the results were quite terrifying.

she didn't understand. quidditch made the guys more toned and even a few of her teammates had abs. what did it do to her? well, it made her shoulders broad, which she thought was highly unattractive to anyone, and not at all slim! sure, it was fun and kept her fit, but terribly horrible, in her opinion, in trying to fit in to the beautiful girls that went to hogwarts.

she admired angie johnson and cho chang and ginny. she really did. y/n knew how hard it was to be beautiful, and she liked when other people were so beautifully beautiful. it just made her feel terrible, because what was the chance of her keeping her boyfriend in fred weasley when fiercely pretty girls were dancing elegantly around her?

there wasn't any time to be mopey and sad, so she gathered all her books and immediately went to breakfast. she didn't even bother going over to fred and greeting him. she saw how happy he was laughing with george and lee. surely she wouldn't bother him. instead she plopped down next to alicia.

"you ok?" alicia spinnet asked her.

she nodded, "fine."

"you sure?"

"no."

"wanna talk about it?"

"do you think it's too early to get plastic surgery?" y/n joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"what the fuck, no. what's up?" alicia's eyes were lit with concern.

"i don't feel pretty," her voice was but a whisper.

alicia caught it.

"why? you're literally adorable."

"you're my best friend, you're supposed to tell me that."

"hmm, nah, i truly believe it."

"well i don't," y/n said miserably.

"oi, l/n, your hair down today?" adrian pucey snarled, "it's gonna give me aids."

a few students snorted.

"you can get aids then. shut your mouth," y/n retorted back.

the whole school look startled. was this the same, prefect, goody-two-shoes y/n l/n?

adrian pucey opened his mouth.

"i said shut. your. mouth."

fred weasley watched in a mixture of furiousness and pride. he knew that pucey had a crush on y/n too. he was just terrible in expressing it. fred didn't like the way y/n's eyes sadly flitted to alicia afterwards. and she hadn't come up to him and given him a kiss today. maybe she just wanted a bit of space??

"see?" y/n sighed, "not even my hair is pretty." she tied it up.

alicia laughed, "adrian just wants your attention."

that made y/n laugh. "why? why?" it was a rhetorical question. she got up, and smiled at adrian in the most menacing way that he shrunk.

"miss l/n, your outburst was quite rude-" snape began.

"my apologies professor, of course, i was in the wrong. adrian pucey brought the topic surrounding my hair up, called it ugly. now what would you do if a student called your hair ugly?" y/n said, eyes burning with fury but conscience too good to lose her temper.

"i-i would give them a scolding."

"likewise. good day, professor."

"fucking hell, he is such a sh-" alicia muttered as she got up and followed y/n out to class.

"ali, that's enough," their retreating voices could be heard.

fred kept his eye on y/n through the day, giving her the space he thought she needed.

she looked very like her normal self, until she encountered pucey again.

"l/n, nice squinty eyes," pucey laughed.

y/n's shoulders sagged. her eyes dimmed and she let her ponytail fall in front of her face.

"ponytail won't fix them," he laughed meanly, "can they fix your dumpling body?"

fred frowned deeply, "fuck off, adrian," he angrily said, "that's my girlfriend you're talking to."

"oh, you have someone like weasley to save you? i don't even think you deserve him as a boyfriend."

y/n didn't answer, fearing that tears would spill out of her eyes. she had just been feeling worse and worse about herself. instead, when the bell signalled the end of classes, she hurried quickly off to wherever, trying to pull herself together.

she felt like she was at the bottom of the earth. her eyes finally let go of the tears that needed to be spilt. she leant sobbing against a stout tree in the forbidden forest, head slumped gloomily against the trunk, eyes trying to find anything, anything, that could be remotely comforting and hands fiddling nervously with the flowers that bloomed happily around her. her whole body shook in anxiety. she wished she had her mum or dad here to help her. but they were back at home.

how did fred love her?

she wished she didn't have stupid hair or squinty eyes or a dumpling body. but she couldn't ignore the mean, yet so true, remarks about her body adrian made. they were morally wrong and he deserved to be stabbed, but they were factual. she used to just laugh and joke about him too, but now she realised that maybe she should pay more attention to the way she eats and works and the way she talks and looks and presents herself and put more makeup on and-

fred found her crying there, by the little pond, shrinking away from the mere sight of her own appearance. he didn't get it.

well, he did, but he didn't know why such a beautiful girl like his girlfriend was crying.

"y/n?"

she flinched and stopped crying.

"sorry, i'll leave. i don't think you want a dumpling of a girlfriend sharing this nice space," she attempted to joke, but it fell short. she wasn't joking anymore. her tone was serious and genuine. the unexpected good nature pucey's remarks were received in usually was gone, and for good reason. it had broken her into the tiniest little pieces.

fred felt it. he felt his heart stop.

"is this about what pucey said to you, lovely?" he asked gently, cupping her cheek, and pulling her close to him.

she nodded, feeling immensely better already. the smell of him made her calm down insanely.

"so you don't want space?"

"n-no, i was just..." she trailed off uncertainly.

"mhm?" he looked at her and waited.

"it's silly."

"well, it's got you crying, i don't think so."

"the stuff a-adrian says is true," her voice was quiet and small.

fred frowned.

"i'm not cute or elegant or even hot," she continued, "i-i'm not as pretty as anyone here."

"well, my little love, if my opinion even matters, you are stunning. i think you're the prettiest person in the world, both on skin and in here," he patted his own heart, "do you know how long i pined after you?"

"no?"

"i'm still pining after you, gorgeous."

"d-do you mean it when you say gorgeous?" her eyes were broken and teary.

"of course. it hurts me when you are upset. because you are gorgeous and much more because you are so nice and good to me and to everyone else too. pucey's a complete shithead and when i next see him i will bash his head in. i'm so sorry i didn't notice, love, i thought you were mad at me."

"no it's fine, i just don't understand. you're fred weasley. so many girl's want you and you-you choose...me?," a sad frown was etched on her face, her tone confused.

"y/n, you're my only choice. i don't want the other girls. i can see the appeal of you. i-i know i'm not the best with words like you, but i really care about you. i love you, i adore you, you're the bestest person i've ever met."

and he knows he's brought the happiness back in her. she giggled. he felt relieved, because he knew he wasn't good at all at comforting people and y/n was so special to him- why didn't he say that earlier to her?

"bestest isn't a word, freddie."

"well you get what i mean, right? you're really special to me," there it was.

she nodded slowly, a small smile forming on her lips as she kissed him on the lips, before snuggling closer to him.

"darling, wouldn't you rather go back to the castle to cuddle?"

hesitantly, she shook her head.

"why?"

"'drian's there."

"adrian cannot hurt you, okay? whatever he tells you is wrong. he's wrong," he gently says, pulling her close to him, "besides, if he does, i'm here, and you're strong."

"i just cried about it, i can't be strong."

"crying doesn't mean you're weak, darling, sometimes we all cry and that's okay."

y/n nodded.

"here, i brought this for you, maybe it's a comfort??" he blushed as he handed her his quidditch hoodie.

she grinned and put it on.

he couldn't stop blushing at the sight of her, so he tilted his face away to save himself the embarrassment.

noticing and mistaking his turned away head for disgust, y/n took the hoodie off, downcastedly handing it back to him.

"sorry," she gave a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes as fred looked at her in confusion.

"y-you can have it back, yeah, there's no need to hide your shame, here, s-sorry," she stuttered out.

"shame?" he asked, looking worriedly down at her.

"mhm," she fiddled with the hem of her shirt, "sorry."

he finally understood.

"angel, look at me."

she reluctantly looked up at him.

"i wasn't feeling disgusted at all. i-i was actually embarrassed because i was blushing," his cheeks heated up again, "like i probably am right now. you're too beautiful. i was blushing too much."

"oh."

"yeah. now put it back on," he demanded, as he cheekily tugged the jumper over her head, blushing again as he saw her standing there in his jumper.

"c'mon!" he said, carrying y/n's school bag as they made their way to the castle, his arm wrapped protectively around his waist and the bright gold letters on the back of his sweater shining for anyone and everyone to see.

they didn't see pucey, thank goodness and they ended up talking with george and katie bell and angie and alicia by the fire.

as y/n smiled and giggled with katie over something highly scandalous, fred had his eyes on her, not so much monitoring her, but he couldn't keep them off of her.

when he had noticed her words start to become short and slightly slurred by tiredness, he lead her back to her dormitory.

"feeling better princess?"

she nodded, "you're so good to me, freddie. i love you."

it made his heart swell with happiness.

"i'd go to the moon and back for you, y/n."

she smiled drowsily, "and i, you."

#fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you #fred weasly x reader #fred weasley fluff #fred weasley #fred weasley angst #fred weasley fic #fred weasley imagine #fred and george #weasley twins #weasley family #harry potter #fanfic #gryffindor #y/n #frederick weasley #fredweasley #fred weasley x reader #hogwarts #harrypotter

[ray-ray-writings]

Forget Me Not-SBI

…. To the person that requested this…. Why? Why would you rip my heart out like this… 

This is a SBI x gn!reader in the dreamsmp. So in this, Dream is kind of like an immortal being who is one age and has been that age for a really long time… You’ll see more what I mean when you get into it…. 

This is fine in the beginning and then it gets hella sad….. You’ve been warned.

Masterlist here 

The garden. That’s where it all began with Y/N and the Minecraft family... It’s unfortunate that’s where it all ended as well. 

Y/N’s POV

I met Phil many years ago in my garden. I had lived alone in the middle of nowhere for many years. After months of feeling lonely, I built a beautiful garden with not only lots of fruits and vegetables, but also lots of flowers so that all types of animals and insects could come and hang out in my garden. One day, I peeked out into the garden and found a man with two young children admiring the rows of plants. I didn’t mind, I was just curious as to the new people that had wandered onto my property. 

“Hello” I greeted softly, approaching the three carefully trying to appear non threatening. The blonde man whipped around with wide eyes, revealing that what I thought was three people is actually four because there was a baby strapped to his chest. “Who might you new friends be?” I asked softly. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I didn’t know anyone lived here. I just wanted to show my sons around a beautiful garden to get them to calm down, I’m sorry again, we’ll leave!” He rushed out, grabbing his two standing son’s hands before trying to leave. The poor man looked exhausted. Like he just needed a break from… Well from his children. 

I quickly held my hand out to stop him from moving, “No, you’re quite alright. You just startled me. It has been quite a long time since I’ve had visitors. My name is Y/N!” I introduced myself, hoping to further reassure the father and his children. The blonde man gave me a kind smile and let go of his brunette child’s hand, “I’m Philza, you can call me Phil.” I took his hand with a smile and shook it. “It’s very nice to meet you Phil.” “You as well Y/N. These are my three sons, Wilbur” he says, motioning to the brunette, “Techno. And the baby is Tommy.” I gave each child a warm smile. “It’s very nice to meet you boys as well…. Would it be alright if I showed your boys around the garden myself? You could go inside and relax for a bit if you wanted!” Philza hesitated for a moment, but couldn’t help the wave of relief that washed over him. “Yes. Please, that would be lovely.” 

After chatting for a few more moments, Philza handed me Tommy and told the two other boys what would be happening. “I’ll be right inside, okay? Yell if you need anything.” And then Philza went inside. I had just met the man, but I knew I could trust him. “Alright boys, what do we want to look at first?” The four of us slowly moved about the garden. I told them everything there was to know about the plants I had been growing and answered each and every one of their questions with the utmost patience. 

“Y/N! What kind of flowers are these?” Wilbur asked, his eyes wide and his small fingers reaching out and caressing the blue petals of a small flower. I smiled fondly at the flower before diving in. “Well Wilbur, those are Forget Me Nots and they are my favorite. They represent remembrance, a promise to always remember someone. They also represent love and protection. If you give someone a Forget Me Not, it means you truly love them and would go to the ends of the earth to protect them…” I explained softly. 

Pondering for a moment, I reached out and picked four of the flowers. “Here,” I offered the boy softly, extending out the flower to him. Wilbur stared at me with wide eyes before softly reaching out and taking the flower from my fingers, “But you just said-” “I know what I said,” I cut in gently, extending my hand out and offering another of the flowers to Techno who also carefully took it. “I know I just met you today, but I would do anything for you boys okay? Anything you need, I’ll be there.” I told them softly as I rested yet another of the flowers next to Tommy’s sleeping head. For the first time today, the boys were silent, staring intensely at the blue petals of the flower that symbolized my promise to protect them. 

“Now how about we go inside and give this one to your dad, huh? Then you boys can help me make dinner” The boys seemed to break out of their trance at that. Snatching the remaining flower from my hand, Wilbur bolted to the house, “I’m going to win!” He called over his shoulder to his pink headed brother. “No you’re not!” Techno screeched back, chasing after him. I couldn’t help but laugh at the interaction before slowly following the boys inside. Yeah, I’m pretty sure I would do anything for them. 

Ever since then, the boys had become my family. Phil would come over with his sons and hang out. Sometimes when he needed a break, I would offer to take them off his hands for a while. At first he felt guilty for accepting, but he soon faded from that habit and learned that just because he needed some help sometimes did not make him weak. I watched the boys grow before my eyes. Tommy went from being carried everywhere to throwing a tantrum if you tried to pick him up without warning. Wilbur slowly became more and more invested in the garden, spending many hours out there with me, helping me in any way he could learning everything for himself. Techno broke out of his shell more and also spent a lot of time in the garden with Will and me, although he usually sat back and just watched. 

One day while we were out in the garden, Dream appeared. I hadn’t seen Dream in a long time. We had once been friends. But over time, he slowly became a completely different person. Ruining people’s lives for fun and having no regret or remorse for it. So one day I left. I left for the middle of nowhere and never looked back, never expecting him to find me. But of course he had. 

“Well, well, well… What do we have here?” I almost couldn’t believe the voice that called from behind me. I slowly stood up from what I was doing and carefully turned around. I could feel the twin’s eyes on me as I stood to confront the figure. “What are you doing here, Dream?” I questioned in as stern of a voice as I could. Dream let out a mock laugh as he crossed his arms in front of him, “Now, now. Is that anyway to greet your best friend?” I let out an irritated sigh and rolled my eyes, “You’re not my best friend. You are just somebody that I used to know. Now tell me what you want or get the hell off my property.” I finally snapped, just wanting answers. 

A fake pout peeked out from under Dream’s white smiley face mask. “Awe, Y/N/N. That hurts. That really hurts… But I would watch your words and your tone… You wouldn’t want those two boys to get hurt, would you?” My eyes snapped to the two young teens standing by my side. “Boys, get inside the house.” I growled under my breath. “But Y/N-” “Now” I snapped. They didn’t question me again. Wilbur and Techno sprinted to the house. I watched carefully as the door shut behind them before turning back to Dream. “If you even so much as think about laying a single finger on them, I swear to God I will kill you.” Dream smirked, “Oh come on now. You wouldn’t hurt your best friend, would you?” “You’re not my best friend!” I broke, I marched forward and swung my fist at his face, which he caught. “And here I thought we could have a civil conversation.” 

Dream threw my hand back and quickly struck back, his own fist flying for my face, which I easily blocked. The two of us took a step back, each scanning the other’s body before lunging back into the fight. Punches and kicks fly as both of us try desperately to get the other hand. It’s no use. We know each other too well. 

The fight could have gone on forever if not for Philza. Wilbur and Techno must have gone and gotten their father because all of the sudden there are hands on my shoulders and I’m being pulled off of Dream. “Y/N!” He exclaims, turning me to face him, “What’s going on? Who is this?” I broke myself from the concerned man’s grip and turned to the green hoodie cladded man. “Go home Dream. Go home.” 

Dream reaches up and gently removes his mask from his face allowing our eyes to connect. His emerald green eyes burned with a fury that I hadn’t seen in many many years. I allowed my eyes to roam his face, taking in the subtle changes that have taken place over his face. A small smirk quirked on my lips as I watched blood drip from his nose, knowing I was the one to do that. It must hurt… Good

“You’ve made a big mistake Y/N. All I wanted to do was talk. Wanted you to stand by my side once again.” I let out a scoff, “I will never stand by your side again Dream. You’re a monster and that is something I will never be.” The fury in his eyes seemed to burn brighter as his deamour shifted even darker, “You’re going to regret this Y/N. I swear. I’ll get you one day and you will regret not joining me. It will come from nowhere and you’ll regret it.” “That will never happen. Now get the hell out of here.” And for once in his life, Dream did as he was told. 

After I was sure Dream was gone, I turned back to Phil with a sheepish smile on my face, “Thanks for that… That fight would have gone on for literal ever. Turns out when you’re best friends with someone for many years, you learn their fighting styles and can predict their every move.” Philza just stared at me in shock. “Who was that?” I let out a sigh before delving into a short version of the story. “That was Dream. He’s been alive for like, ever, and will be alive for the same amount of time. We used to be best friends… And then he changed and I didn’t want to be around that, so I left. Today was the first time I’ve seen him in years. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m here and safe.” Philza seemed to accept my answer and pulled me into a tight hug. “Okay, well I’m glad you’re okay.” I hugged him back tightly. 

My eyes flickered to my house and I let out a small laugh at the thing that stared back at me from inside my house. Philza pulled back and gave me a curious look. “We should go inside. It looks like two boys are very eager to ask questions.” I noted, pointing over his shoulder at the two boys that were peering through my kitchen window, curious looks on both their faces. Phil turned around and laughed at the sight as well. Phil put a hand on my lower back and walked with me inside the house. 

Once I was inside, two sets of arms wrapped around me. I immediately hugged Techno and Wilbur back. “I’m okay guys. Thank you for listening and going inside the house. And thank you for getting your dad for me. I really appreciate it.” “Anything for you,” Wilbur murmured against my shoulder, “You promised to protect us the day we met you… We’re going to do the same for you.” His words caused me to melt. I can’t believe he still remembers that. I squeezed my arms around them tighter. My boys. 

We embraced for a few moments longer before pulling away with a small smile. Techno cleared his throat drawing my attention to him. “Do you think… That maybe you could teach me to fight like you? Just so that I can be prepared in case Dream comes back I can help fight?” His question surprised me. I slowly looked over to Phil who simply gave me a shrug, “Up to you.” I turned back to Techno with a soft smile. “Sure bud, we can start tomorrow morning if you want.” A bright grin, one I rarely ever see from Techno, spread across the pink headed boy’s face. “Yes, please! Thank you!” “Of course kiddo… Now let’s get cleaned up for dinner.” 

So everyday since that day, I trained Techno in the morning. It didn’t take long for him to become better than me. But still, everyday without fail Techno and I sparred. I would also tell him about Dream’s fighting style so that if he ever did come back, Techno would be ready. I assured him though, that Dream wouldn’t be back though. That nothing would ever happen. Oh how I wish I was wrong. 

Dream did come back. On the day I least expected it. 

I was in the garden, tending to the flowers. I gave Techno the day off of training, deciding he had been working hard enough that he deserved a day off. So having the morning free, I decided I would take the time to tend to my garden on my own, something that I hadn’t done since the day I met the Minecraft family. It was nice to have a little time to myself, but as I tended to the Forget Me Nots, I couldn’t help but miss my boys. 

“Hello Y/N” Dream’s cruel voice greeted me from behind, startling me from my work. I felt irritation flood my veins as I rose from my kneeling position, turning around to face him. I felt my blood run cold as my eyes caught sight of the enchanted netherite sword that rested by his side. “Dream… What are you doing here?” I questioned, my eyes flickering to his white mask. I watched the bottom half of his face flicker into a smirk, “I warned you didn’t I? I would be back when you least expected it. Today’s that day.” He claimed with a huge grin, taking a few steps forward, raising his sword toward me. “Dream,” I whispered, horrified, “Don’t do this.”

I was defenseless. I had no shield, no weapon to defend myself. I knew if I tried to book it to my house, Dream would kill me before I even got half way. I couldn’t yell for anyone, I lived in the middle of nowhere and none of the boys were around. I was trapped with no way out. 

“Don’t do this? No I think I will do this. I told you, you would regret it, today’s that day Y/N. Today’s the day.” I didn’t get to respond. Dream lunged forward and the sword was plunged into my stomach. I wanted to scream but I couldn’t. All I could do was let out a painful gasp as I collapsed on top of the sword. I couldn’t stop my hand that reached out and grabbed onto Dream’s bicep. Slowly, I looked up and met the white mask. Making a decision, I reached up with my free hand and ripped the mask off his face. If he was going to let me die, he would have to look me in the eyes when he does it. 

Utter shock filled his face as the mask fell to the ground. His emerald eyes flickered down to where his sword had punctured my body. Regret seemed to fill his face, but only for a moment. Indifference took its place before a forced smirk played on his lips. Another gasp was ripped from my throat as Dream wretched the sword from its place in abdomen. The only thing that was keeping me on my feet was the hand on Dream’s bicep. Once he realized that, my hand was ripped from his body causing me to lose my balance and crash into the ground. 

Dream loomed over me, a satisfied smirk painted on his lips. “Should have listen to me Y/N… Should have-” “Y/N!” A scream roared through the air. Techno was here, why is Techno here? Dream’s head snapped away from me toward the direction of the voice. He looked back to me and forced that smirk once more. “It’s too late,” he stated calmly, “You’ve lost too much blood… Goodbye Y/N… Should have taken me up on that offer” Dream almost sounded sad. I didn’t get a chance to say anything because then he was gone. 

“Y/N!” Techno’s voice called again. I couldn’t call back. Everything hurt too much and I was getting too sleepy. Through my blurry vision, I could see Phil kneel down beside me, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy close behind him. I could feel his hands find their way to my stomach where he tried to put pressure on the wound. “No, please. Y/N” Philza begged, trying desperately to stop the bleeding, but deep down we all knew it was too late. “Phil,” I whispered, my hand reaching out and cupping his face. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You’ll be okay without me.” 

“Don’t talk like that Y/N. You’re going to be okay too. Please, you have to be okay,” Wilbur’s voice broke as he sank to his knees beside Phil. Tommy and Techno both joined him, each of their hands reaching out and grasping at a part of my body. “Yeah, we still have so much to do together. I have so many pranks I have to pull on you… Don’t leave.” Tommy said, trying to remain strong, and failing a bit as tears streamed down his cheeks. “Please don’t go,” Techno begged, “I still have so much to learn from you. Don’t go. Stay. Stay here. With us.” 

I gave them all a sad smile, pulling my hand away from Phil’s face and resting it by my head above me, my fingertip brushing against the flower bush planted there. “Stay? I would love to stay and be with you boys. But it seems that I can’t.” Gathering all my remaining strength, I reached up and pulled a handful of the flowers from the bush. I let out a small laugh as they came into my view, just as beautiful as the day I planted them. Slowly, I reached my hand out to the boys. Techno was the first to get the message. His fingers reached out and softly plucked one bunches of flowers from my hand, as careful as the day we met. Three other hands slowly reached out and plucked the remaining flowers from my hand. 

Once the blue flowers left my hand, I allowed my arm to collapse to my stomach to rest. “Forget me not” I breathed out before my eyes fluttered closed. Sobs filled my ears as I allowed myself to fall deeper and deeper into a black nothingness… And soon, there was nothing at all. 

*POV Switch*

Third Person POV

Y/N was buried the next day in their favorite outfit in their favorite place, the garden, under their favorite flowers, the Forget Me Nots. The death hit the family of four extremely hard. Days and weeks went by as the four tried desperately to fix the hole that Y/N’s left in each of their hearts. 

Techno was in denial the longest. Going to Y/N’s house everyday in the morning, knocking on their front door waiting for them to answer the door so the two could train together. But every morning without fail, the hole in Techno’s heart grew as his incessant knocking when unanswered. Techno only leaves the house once his eyes catch sight of the grave constructed in Y/N’s garden. 

Wilbur took over taking care of the garden. He could be found many times a week slaving in the hot sun making sure that every single plant was thriving and perfect. He feels like he owes it to Y/N… If he couldn’t protect Y/N, maybe he could protect the garden.*

Tommy got really quiet. His usual loud manner and joking demeanour vanished once Y/N died. His pranks against his family stopped. He didn’t feel right joking in a world Y/N wasn’t in. 

Philza was hit the hardest. He had to put up a brave front for his children. But at night he would allow himself to collapse. Y/N was his friend… His best friend… No. A piece of his family. They understood him like no one ever had. They had taken care of him and his family asking for nothing in return for years. Philza blames himself for many months. Had he gotten there quicker, Y/N would have survived. It was his fault they were dead.**

Everyone grew more protective of one another after that. Never letting one go anywhere alone, not that they wanted to anyway. Although they were protective of each other, the three boys were way more protective of Philza. They had already lost one parental figure. There would be no coming back if they lost the other. 

Techno was almost always the one to accompany Philza on his trips. Training even harder to make sure that nothing would ever be able to sneak up on them or take him down. Every possible threat would find itself dead before it could even think to agro to Philza. With every swing of his weapon, Techno silently thanked Y/N for teaching him so well and swore to avenge them by killing Dream… One day. 

Wilbur became protective over the words that were said about and to Philza. Not hesitating to physically fight someone that said a single bad word about his father. Philza was the strongest man Wilbur had ever known, he understood that now, and so insulting Philza would not fly by Wilbur. 

Tommy began to do everything he could for Philza. He wanted to make sure that Phil knew how much he was appreciated and how much he was loved by his children. Tommy would make sure that Philza had enough food, that chores were done, things were clean, and everything was put in its place. Tommy knew now how much the little things meant. 

Slowly, the four healed together. Laughter and smile crept back into their household as months passed by. The four made regular trips to Y/N’s house. They left gifts and letters one Y/N’s grave, hoping wherever they were they would accept them as an unspoken apology. Taking time to admire the garden started by their beloved family member, currently being kept by Wilbur. 

Their eyes always linger on the Forget Me Nots. The flower that they got at the beginning and the end. Y/N’s favorite flower. Each time they visit, gentle hands reach out and pick five flowers… One for each of them and the final one for Y/N. No words are ever said as they gather their flowers, they don’t need them. The meaning of the gentle blue flower speaks for itself. The silent promise. Forget me not. 

There you go… I really hope you enjoyed. Writing this legitimately made me cry, see the notes below. (the asterisks correlate to the ones in the imagine and points out where my tears occurred). If you did enjoy, please please be sure to leave a like and maybe even a reply or a reblog!

Notes: 

*I kid you not, I know I’m the one that wrote it, but I began crying at that line. Like full on crying because it made me so sad. It doesn’t help I was listening to my sad playlist when I wrote this imagine.

**FUCK. I’M CRYING AGAIN. OH MY GOD WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF???

P.P.S. This is what a forget me not looks like if you didn’t know. 

#mcyt #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt one shot #sbi #sbi au #sbi imagine #sbi x reader #sbi one shot #sleepy bois inc #philza #technoblade #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #philza imagine #philza one shot #philza x reader #technoblade imagine #technoblade x reader #technoblade one shot #wilbur soot imagine #wilbur soot one shot #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit imagine #tommyinnit one shot #tommyinnit x reader #ray cries a lot #ray-ray-writings #ray ray writings #forget me not

[leahseclipse]

Unexpected visit

“Could you do a one-shot about Spencer and y/n aka his secret long term gf. They have a baby together and Spencer hasn't told the team for security reasons and one day y/n passes by the BAU when returming from a baby check up or smth and she goes to see him (with the baby), completely forgetting that they don't know anything and the baby (who can talk a little) calls him dada in front of everyone and the team is just left in shock. And just pure chaos ensues (aka everyone loving the baby genius)”

Requested by: @enchantedthoughts​

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings: None that I can think of, just cute dad!spencer

Summary: Spencer and his girlfriend had a child together that stayed a secret for security reasons; but when the reader happens to go to the bureau one day, the visit, supposed to be casual, turns into a surprising revelation that no one expected.

Word count: 1.8 k 

A/N: AAAAA TYSM- It’s like, my very very first request, and I was so excited the day I went into my inbox to see that ;;;;;;;- you have no idea how happy u made me by sending me a request- I hope that you'll like it,, I currently don’t have a child and never took care of one, so excuse me for the mistakes I've did for the behaviour and stuff,,,

(The fic hasn't been checked over so I'm sorry if there's any mistakes.)

When their daughter was born, they didn’t quite expect what had followed next. It was really difficult, but, the only complication that was to be taken into account was to not let anything slip out about her.

As much as Spencer wanted to, he couldn’t mention her at work, after both him and y/n had discussed the possible risks. Of course, the possibility of them occurring are not frequent, but not impossible as Spencer insisted during the chat they’ve had.

He had thought that it would be better to keep her as a secret for security reasons after witnessing what had happened around him; whether with people he was close with, or people he’d encounter with during cases, or at work.

On y/n’s side, she only happened to be working part-time at a small café, she’d mainly take orders and eventually clean, but she wasn’t very close with them, and had her daughter before she began working there, so whether she had let them know or not, nothing much would have changed.

Even though her job wasn’t as dangerous and totally not the same as Spencer’s, it also was preferable not to say anything else, she just decided not to inform her colleagues either.

At first, keeping the secret wasn’t as easy as they’d thought, but the only thing that they both wanted was to keep her safe, and it if meant that they couldn’t share it, especially for Spencer, as his team was as his family, they had to do with it, their child’s safety would go first.

They had managed to keep up with both their works and personal lives; Spencer would often have to take calls where no one could hear nor see him so he could see her.

It really was surprising to see him with a different phone, his old phone wasn’t the one to be usually seen, but he couldn’t resist to see her.

Spencer happened to be less at home than y/n, so video calls were a solution to be with her, in a way.

After that, the sudden change eventually had to be explained, as he wasn’t the kind to even touch a computer usually.

They had wished that the phone would be the only explanation to do, but Spencer’s work had decided otherwise.

Spencer didn’t seem to find excuses that would be seen as serious, or even understandable when the time to step aside for having time with his family when she was born had come.

It had eventually went well, really. More than expected.

Even if he couldn’t be home as he wanted to after he had to go back to work full-time, he really appreciated the little time he’d have with them.

He really didn’t expect all of this to happen at all just a few years ago, but he couldn’t wish for better now.

Both appreciated being with their daughter everyday, they’d get to discover more and more about her and enjoyed every moment they’d spend all together.

She had even begun talking a bit, sometimes some blabbering, or even fairly understandable words; like ‘dada’ or ‘mama’ recently, along with many others, including some invented ones.

They have been amazed by the number of stuff she’d learn each day, and couldn’t wait to see more.

Unfortunately, it’d have to wait.

She had a couple of appointments scheduled to see how she was doing, and happened to have one today, so ‘admiration time’ would have to wait.

Luckily, the appointment was on one of y/n’s days off, which could be attended without having to look for someone to cover her shift, or for Spencer to excuse himself if he didn’t happen to be on a case.

As expected, it didn’t take much time and she wasn’t fuzzy or anything, she was really calm for once, it really wasn’t surprising. She was usually calm in general and wouldn’t cause much problems.

But now that the appointment was done, she didn’t happen to have much on her schedule, and she could either go home or take a walk with her.

The weather seemed nice...ish, but she wasn’t so sure. She could, perhaps...pretend that Spencer forgot something, and go to his work?

That seemed like a good idea, and totally what she wanted to do.

Y/N had first decided to make a quick trip back to the apartment to catch some stuff she’d probably need, before heading to the car towards the bureau, it didn’t take much, just about twenty minutes, and plus, her daughter happened to be a bit sleepy, which was quite nice instead of having her cry the whole ride.

She had never come here at all, only walked by it or saw it when she happened to drive by, but never had she actually stepped inside.

She didn’t even know where to go, and even find where the hell Spencer could be, the only information she’d had was that he could possibly be at the 6th floor, somewhere in a room with desks.

Wow, very helpful.

The desks are literally EVERYWHERE.

She didn’t know what any of them looked like, she had only heard from them, and if Spencer showed her pictures of them, that must have been a while ago, because she barely remembers a single one.

That’s when she began to ask herself what the hell she was doing here.

How was she going to do, if literally, no one knew her, and, now that she realises, isn’t really supposed to be here.

She probably...got herself into a mess. Probably.

Y/N had swore that the universe was against her, because just when she had stepped in the ‘room with desks’, a couple of voices could be heard from the small staircase leading to a corridor.

“Y/N?” A familiar voice asked, which seemed a bit...nervous as well.

She tried her best not to let too much emotions show on her face, as she was literally around at least...eight profilers.

“Dada!” The child that she held in her arms yelled, as she pointed at Spencer.

Definitely screwed.

It’s over.

“Did that child just call him dad, or did I misheard it?” A blonde woman -probably JJ- asked, looking around as if she looked for approbation.

“You didn’t misheard it.” They all said.

In the meantime, y/n and Spencer just looked in the void, definitely realising that the secret they had tried to keep had just exposed them.

They wouldn’t have thought once that their own child would expose them.

“I think we may own everyone here an explanation, no?” Y/N hesitantly asked, looking at Spencer as if he could make the situation less worse than it already was.

“...we do.” Spencer answered, walking up to where his girlfriend was.

“For how long have you been hiding this beautiful girl and that cutie…?”

“Uh...I’ve been with her for...almost four years, and she’s going to be two soon.” Spencer answered, looking at Penelope. “You guys are really worrying me, is something wrong?”

“No, it’s just that...we’re, really, really, surprised. Especially for the child.”

“Yeah, it uh...mainly was for security reasons, for both of them. It if wasn’t for that, you guys would have already known.”

“At least uh...you know me, and I know you guys.” Y/N said, trying to break the silence.

“It’s really wow...she has Spence’s eyes too.” JJ told, a small smile on her face.

“She’s way too cute, no wonder why she’s so beautiful, look at her parents.” Penelope gestured at the couple.

“You really did hide them from us for a while.” One of the men said, as y/n just looked in confusion. “Oh, I’m uh, Matt.”

“Y/N. It’s uh…a bit overwhelming, there’s a lot of people I don’t know. I know names, but not which name to put on who’s face.

“It wasn’t...planned.” Spencer joined, pulling her close to reassure her.

"It's ok, don't worry. It won't change anything, we love you as much as we loved you before, we're happy to know that everything is going well with your small family."

"Yeah, I was aware of that, I've heard a lot of good stuff about everyone, I was just afraid. It's been a while since we got together, and had her, so it sure was surprising to know that your genius had a small family without anyone knowing." Y/N said, looking down at the small girl in her arms.

"It sure wasn't easy. I've had to find an excuse for whatever family member when I needed to take care of her. At least, I don't have to create an excuse about an imaginary aunt anymore." Spencer admitted.

"And also, if uh…we do have another one, you won't have to find a super difficult excuse, that time."

"Oh, yeah...that."

"That, yeah. I've had her before I began working, so I didn't have explanations to do. Now uh...am I supposed to let them know?"

"If you want to. It's already too late here. Our own child exposed us, even, if it was a bit too late to get out of that mess from the moment everyone saw her. Hm?"

"A...bit too late. But, as she was great today, we can excuse her."

"Mhm. We can." Spencer agreed, as he looked at the people around along with y/n.

"So, everything's good?" Y/N asked.

"Of course! We're not upset or anything, it was just surprising at first. But now that I know about you two, you don't imagine the number of gifts and attention you're about to get." Penelope clearly did everyone else know that she wouldn't take her attention off them for a while.

"I can imagine. She's going to have a lot of aunts and uncles now that she has everyone here, she's going to be so spoiled." Y/N joked.

"You have no idea." A black haired woman said, she probably was Emily.

"Do you have time right now? You could stay for a bit, we don't have much to do." Spencer asked Y/N, to which she was quick to answer by nodding.

"Yeah, I am. Plus, after that, I don't think that I would get to go home before answering a million questions." Y/N said, trying to not look more stressed that she already was.

"Yay! We get to spend more with them!" Garcia said, visibly excited at the idea.

Even though nothing of that was planned to happen for a while, it went well overall. Of course, they would have preferred to wait a bit more, but they can't do much now.

The positive point is that she'll get to talk about her freely now, especially with his co-workers now that they know.

They've all been surprised, but very welcoming. They all reassured her and she really liked their presence.

Y/N really knew what Spencer meant when he considered them as family, they really were as a real one, and now, she gets to be a part of it along with their daughter.

The unexpected visit turned out to be a surprising revelation, that again, surprisingly turned out into a joyful mess.

---

Tags: @homoose ;

#criminal minds #spencer reid #cm #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fic #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fluff #cm fic #matthew gray gubler fic #Matthew Gray Gubler

[jamespotterthefirst]

Hi Bree! I enjoyed reading your headcannon of L&E's children! It was such a fun read, I'm hooked with their family life 🥰 Because of this, I got inspired to come up with a Q&A for the kiddos. The interview is set 12 years after Lilac & Ethan became new parents. You will be answering as the AllenSey kids (with special appearances of Lilac & Ethan, as well). Hope you enjoy 'em! x

—

For Jonah, Dolores, Jasmine & Violet:

• If someone gave you $100 what would you do with it?

• If you could change any rule, which one would it be?

• Where is your favorite place to go on vacation?

• Most likely to hide a stray pet?

• Most likely to tell a lie to get out of trouble?

• Most likely to steal their sibling's secret stash (food/toys/new stuff/etc.)?

• What do your mum & dad do in their free time?

• What is the one thing mum & dad is not good at?

• What do you admire most about mummy & daddy?

🧡

For Lilac & Ethan:

• What made you laugh today?

• Did someone get in trouble recently? If so, what happened?

• What are the hardest & easiest parts about parenting?

• What are the unexpected perks of parenthood?

• What advice would you give to younger versions of yourselves when you've just became new parents?

THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER THOUGH? I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU THANK YOU

For context, Jonah is 12, Dolores 9, and Violet and Jasmine are 6

For Jonah, Dolores, Jasmine & Violet:

• If someone gave you $100 what would you do with it?

Jasmine: Squishies!

Dolores: Yeah, so you'll stop stealing mine.

Jasmine: That was Violet.

Violet: I gave them back.

Dolores: After Minnie destroyed them.

Jonah: I would invest it.

Jasmine: What's ingest?

Jonah: Invest, like how Dad told us? That's why we have the beach house in Cape Cod?

Jasmine: I thought we had that because Dad owns the hospital?

Violet: Or because Mom is famous?

Jonah: *sighs* No, they double their money through compound interest when they invest.

Sisters: *stare blankly*

Jonah: Remember? When he sat us down that one time and explained the Rule of 72? If we take 72 and divide it by the annual interest rate, then we get the amount of years those $100 will double. So if I invest it at a rate of 5%, it will take 14 years to double.

Violet: ...

Jasmine: ...

Dolores: ... So you will be *counts with her fingers* 26 and have $200?

Jonah: Exactly.

Jasmine: *horrified* No, thank you. I want my money right now.

Jonah: If you invest--

Jasmine: I'm here for a good time, not a long time, big bro.

• If you could change any rule, which one would it be?

Dolores: The "no electronics after dinner" rule. I want to play Roblox with my friends before bed.

Jonah: I would change the "if you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone." Sometimes I want to break things apart and put them back together but Mom won't let me.

Violet: Leaving Jenner out in the yard during dinner is cruel. He's part of the family. He should be inside with us.

Dolores: Dad only made up that rule because you feed him half of your dinner.

Violet: Because he's a growing boy! He needs food.

Jasmine: I would change the "treat people and property with kindness or respect" rule. Sometimes I just want to kick a toy of my way after a long day--

Lilac: *throws her "the look" from the distance*

Jasmine: *falls silent*

• Where is your favorite place to go on vacation?

Jonah: Providence with Grandpa Alan. He always takes us to the zoo or WaterFire. It's so much fun.

Dolores: California with abuelitos and tia Laurel. They take us to Disneyland every time!

Jasmine: Not fair! Last time we went, we couldn't get on any rides.

Dolores: Because you two are literal babies?

Jasmine: At least I don't sound like one.

Violet: Or smell like one.

• Most likely to hide a stray pet?

*All of the siblings point at Dolores in unison*

Jasmine: She hid Minnie from Mom and Dad last year for a good week before they found out.

Jonah: And convinced them to let us keep her.

Violet: Dad isn't convinced yet.

Dolores: They're becoming friends! Minnie let him pet her for like two seconds the other day. Before she bit him. It was so funny.

• Most likely to tell a lie to get out of trouble?

*All of them point at Jasmine*

Jasmine: What? Dad said it reminds him of mom. He said she can talk her way out of getting arrested.

Jonah: Out of getting a ticket. They're different.

Dolores: Oh yeah, because the Policeman liked mom. Liked liked her.

Jasmine: Dad was not happy about that.

• Most likely to steal their sibling's secret stash (food/toys/new stuff/etc.)?

*They all point at Violet*

Violet: I give it back!

Jonah: After Mom makes you.

Jasmine: Or after Jenner, Minnie, or you break them.

Dolores: Yeah, Violent doesn't know her own strength.

• What do your mum & dad do in their free time?

Dolores: They love to drop us off at Aunt Sienna's and disappear all night.

Jasmine: We don't mind though because she always makes us the best chocolate chip cookies ever.

Violet: I like going to Uncle Elijah's. His video games are so cool.

Jonah: I like it at Uncle Bryce's. One time, he let me break their toaster apart and showed me how to put it back together.

Dolores: Yeah, Mom was not a fan of that.

• What is the one thing mum & dad is not good at?

Dolores: Dad is not a good liar.

*They all agree*

Jonah: I remember the time Jenner ripped the boots Tia Laurel had given Mom. He told us not to say anything.

Jasmine: Oh yeah, he said Mom wouldn't even notice.

Dolores: But then as soon as she got home, he panicked and asked her what size shoe she was. Then told her he was going to the store to buy something really quick.

Jonah: Mom figured it out right away.

• What do you admire most about mummy & daddy?

Dolores: That they're doctors.

Jonah: That they save lives.

Jasmine: That they own the hospital.

Violet: That they're famous.

🧡

For Lilac & Ethan:

• What made you laugh today?

Lilac: Probably Jonah explaining the Rule of 72 to his sisters.

Ethan: *proudly* Definitely. And the girls having none of it.

Lilac: Imagine what they'll say when they find out you once drew a one dollar salary.

Ethan: I will never live it down. I already get enough taunting from you. I'd never survive it if all four of them join in.

• Did someone get in trouble recently? If so, what happened?

Lilac: *nods solemnly* The usual suspects.

Ethan: Dolores and Jasmine.

Lilac: Jasmine somehow hacked into her Roblox account and deleted all her friends. It was a bloodbath.

• What are the hardest & easiest parts about parenting?

Ethan: Figuring out what the hell is Roblox?

Ethan: It's a delicate balance that is achieved through fairness and consistency.

Lilac: *laughing* This is why I had to take care of that incident.

Lilac: The hardest part of parenting is finding a balance between being a disciplinarian but also someone they can approach and trust. It's terrifying to think that in holding them accountable when they make a mistake, you risk them resenting you.

Lilac: The best part is definitely watching them become their own person, with distinct interests and personalities.

Ethan: Absolutely.

• What are the unexpected perks of parenthood?

Ethan: Having four extra pairs of hands to do chores around the house.

Lilac: *laughs and smacks his arm*

Ethan: *raising his brows at her* Don't tell me you don't enjoy not having to worry about dishes for the next 12 years?

Lilac: *scrunches nose* You're right. I don't miss those. It's no wonder you finally listened to my argument that the dishwasher wasn't the best way to get them clean.

Ethan: That's because we've acquired four little dish washers since.

• What advice would you give to younger versions of yourselves when you've just became new parents?

Lilac: Just try your best.

Ethan: Don't say "and have fun."

Lilac: What? It's true!

Ethan: My advice to our younger selves would be: "However scared or anxious you are feeling right now, I promise you... It's ten times worse."

Dr. Ramsey is just being overdramatic with the last one. He loves being a dad. OMG this was so fun! Thank you so much, my love!

#Allensey Family #ethan ramsey #Ethan x MC #Ethan x Lilac #Lilac Allende #You guys I will answer the rest in the coming days! I'm so slow with these #Long post

[on-maars]

Wonder

Just a soft lil thing I wrote in one sitting, hope you’ll like it. 

Read it on AO3.

The Grant-Nash household is loud. Louder than usual, that is. Conversations flow smoothly, moving from one topic to the next rapidly. That makes Eddie smile. The last few months were quite the challenge, in every way, for everyone.

Whether it be Athena and Bobby’s marriage hanging on by a thread, Maddie suffering from postpartum depression, Karen and Hen getting used to Nia’s absence, it was enough for everyone to feel a bit under pressure, feel overwhelmed, afflicted, weighed down.

And there was also that day. That particular day. Still on Eddie’s mind, all the time. No matter how hard the people surrounding him try to forget about the whole thing.

There seems to be a common agreement between all his colleagues, all his friends. A silent promise everyone made to each other. A pact. That day’s here and it happened but god forbid we dare to acknowledge it.

And Eddie gets it. That day was a living hell. It was traumatic. For him, for Buck, and for Christopher. And don’t get him wrong he doesn’t particularly like to be reminded of that day either, doesn’t particularly like to mention it, let alone talk about it. But sometimes he wishes he could. Sometimes he wishes he had that possibility.

But he doesn’t. He knows he doesn’t.

He tried.

He tried bringing up the topic in the conversations. He tried making a few innuendos here and there, hoping Buck would catch up. He tried being patient, let his friend heal first. In vain. And Eddie knows Buck and him are not really the type to sit down and talk about their feelings, hell good communications skills don’t exactly run in his family either but he knows how to make an effort every now and then. He learned it the hard way. Raising a kid on your own doesn’t exactly give you a choice in the matter.

And yet, Eddie still smiles. Because they’re here now. They’re alive. Celebrating.

Bobby’s here, talking with Michael with hushed voices, David standing a few feet away with Albert, keeping a close watch on the barbecue while glancing at the two of them with what Eddie can only guess is an exasperated expression painted all over his face.

Hen, Karen and Athena are both seated at the table, seemingly engaged in a very lively conversation. Chimney is resting on a nearby chair, a very fast asleep Jee-Yun in his arms, both of them being subject to a series of pictures taken by May.

And then there’s Buck, sprawled on the grass, Christopher, Harry and Denny by his side, all laughing to tears. This brings a smile to Eddie’s lips.

“So I heard my brother wasn’t exactly planning on leaving you guys anytime soon?” Maddie asks next to him. “From what Albert told Chim, he’s got the loft all by himself for at least two months.”

Eddie chuckles and looks down at his hands, his cheeks turning red. There’s an implicit question behind Maddie’s words, an implicit question waiting to be answered. It’s not the first time Eddie has to face these hidden allusions from Maddie and as his eyes are being drawn to Buck once again, he realizes he doesn’t really mind.

“Yeah, he- he’s staying put.” Eddie admits. “After… After everything that happened, I think we all needed to-” He starts, but marks a pause. “Christopher needed him there.”

“Christopher’s the only one who needed him there?” Maddie asks and Eddie’s breath catches in his throat.

He shouldn’t be surprised, though. After all, Eddie hid his true feelings behind his son countless times in the past but it’s the first time he’s actually being confronted about it. It’s easy, hiding himself behind Christopher. It’s comfortable. And it makes him look like a great dad while really his son is just a thousand times braver than he ever will be. That’s not a secret to anyone.

Still, he finds himself saying:

“No.” Maddie looks up at him, smiling softly. “No, I needed him there as well.” Eddie finally admits. “I needed him to stay.” He adds. “I’ll always need him to stay.” He says more specifically, averting his eyes.

“Does he know?” She asks.

“That I want him to stay?” Eddie darts his eyes towards her but only for a second. He looks away just as fast. “Yeah. Yeah I think I made that pretty clear.” He chuckles, thinking back of all the times he had to physically drag Buck away from the front door, making it clear that he’s not “overstaying his welcome” or whatever Buck’s got stuck in his mind.

“No, I mean-” Maddie’s eyes shuttle back and forth on Eddie’s face, as if battling whether to be upfront or leave the conversation hanging. Eventually, she sighs, takes a deep breath and adds, without batting an eye: “Does he know you’re in love with him?”

Eddie blinks a few times, opening his mouth to say something but closing it the next second. There’s no need to deny it – he thinks. Not after this past few months, not after what happened. Not after that day. There’s no need to deny it because his love for Buck, once so quiet, so cautious, so calm, is now so big, so vibrant, Eddie might as well take his heart and put it on a plate for everyone to see.

“I- I’m not sure.” He says and his eyes are drawn to Buck once again. His best-friend is still seated on the grass but this time he's holding his niece in his arms, Christopher is touching her hands very carefully, like he’s afraid she might break. Buck looks up at Eddie and for a few seconds, their eyes meet. Buck has that soft expression on his face, that soft expression only reserved to the two most important people in his life. And Eddie smiles, because how can he not?

“He must know.” He convinces himself out loud. “There’s no way he doesn’t kn-”

“Did you tell him?” Maddie insists. “Did you tell him these exact same words?” She asks. “Did you tell him to his face?”

“No.” Eddie admits.

“Then he doesn’t know.” She says. “Eddie, it doesn’t matter how many signs you throw at him. It doesn’t matter if you think there’s no need to say anything because he’s got to be blind not to see it. It doesn’t matter because at the end of the day it’s Buck we’re talking about, it’s my baby brother and you and I both know he’s not going to let himself believe it until there’s not a single doubt in his mind that this is what’s happening, that you’re in it just as much as he is.”

“I-” Eddie starts but looks down, biting his lower lip. “I know.”

“And unless you tell him to his face that you’re in love with him then-”

“Then, the doubts won’t stop.” Eddie finishes for her, his eyes still fixated on Buck as a small sigh escapes his lips.

“The doubts won’t stop.” Maddie agrees.

“It’s just-” Eddie’s hand fidgets with his keys in his jean’s pocket, nervously. “The way he loves. It’s always so…”

“Loud?” Maddie offers and Eddie huffs out a laugh.

He nods. “Yeah. Loud. And- and carefree. And you know, I- it's a good thing. I mean I’ve always-” He starts, and sighs, closing his eyes fiercely. “It’s a good thing.” He repeats. “But you’d think he has it all figured out.” He says, his eyes catching Buck’s gaze once again. He seems tired. Eddie can see it by the way his lips stretch up at the edges in an effort to smile but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. But it’s mostly the dark rings under his eyes that leads Eddie in the right direction. Buck thinks the others can’t see them, he thinks he can conceal them by acting overly excited, overly cheerful, and maybe it goes unnoticed by the others but not to Eddie. Never to Eddie.

“He has a big heart.” Maddie eventually says, following Eddie’s gaze until her own eyes are fixed on her little brother. “People often mistake it for over-confidence.” She adds. “But the truth is that he’s as terrified as you are. Maybe more.” She marks a pause. “Probably more.”

Eddie nods to himself, his smile getting bigger when he sees Buck standing up straight, crossing the few meters separating him from Eddie and Maddie. He lets himself fall on the chair with a heavy thud, raising his eyes towards Eddie, his smile always so soft, always so gentle. Eddie wants to embrace him and kiss him senseless.

“Hey.” Buck’s voice is hesitant. “Huh Chris asked me if he could stay the night here with Harry and Denny. I said yes. I thought- although I guess I- I guess I should maybe have checked with you first, I’m sor-”

“It’s fine.” Eddie smiles.

“You sure? Because I can-”

“Evan.” Eddie cuts in, and the effect is immediate. Like it always is when he uses Buck’s real name. He whirls his head around and looks at him with a mixture of disbelief and confusion in his eyes. Eddie thinks he can see some traces of hope in there, too.

“Didn’t know you had the Evan privileges.” Maddie teases and Buck looks down at his hands with a sheepish smile, blinking a few times like he can’t quite believe it himself.

“Wanna go back home?” Eddie asks. “I’m beat.” He says. It’s a lie. He’s feeling great, and he could probably stay there for a few more hours if he wanted, but that’s not Buck’s case. That’s not Buck’s case and his best-friend is just too damn selfless to say it and would probably be ready to fall asleep on that chair if it meant Eddie was having a good time.

“Oh yeah we can… We can go home.”

They say goodbye to everyone and head out, not before Eddie makes Christopher promise to behave and not give Athena and Bobby too much trouble. He holds him against him for a while, kissing his head and his heart flutters when he sees Buck hugs him just as tight the next second.

When they get to the car, Buck is nervous, his head is resting on the window and his eyes are glancing to Eddie from time to time, his eyebrows squint in concentration, just like when he’s searching the answer to one of Christopher’s math exercise. It’s never a good sign. Eddie knows him well enough to understand that Buck is on the verge of falling into one of these overthinking traps that always seem to be on the lookout for the next opportunity to invade his best-friend’s mind.

The car drive is silent, the atmosphere filled with a sense of irresolution no one dares to question. And Eddie knows all too well that now is probably not the best time to have that conversation, not while driving, not while Buck is in that state. But Maddie’s words are stuck in his head since they left that house and if he doesn’t acknowledge the elephant in the room now, he’s afraid it might take him another two months to have the guts to say it.

“You do know I’m in love with you, right?” He blurts out and Buck whirls his head around so fast Eddie’s afraid he might break his neck. He seems surprised. His eyes are wide open and his mouth is agape, his eyebrows furrowed, his brain probably working too fast for his head to catch up.

“I-” He starts but his voice dies in his throat. “I didn’t- I mean I wasn’t- I wasn’t sure.” Buck stutters, blinking a few times.

“Well, I am.” Eddie says, pretending to be calm about it all while really, his hands hold the wheel so tight his knuckles go white.

“I just-” Buck says, and stays silent for a few seconds to gather his thoughts. “Ever since that day, there were- there were times when I thought that maybe you- But I couldn’t be sure. And you never- you never spoke of it and I-”

“I never spoke of it because you never let me, Buck.” Eddie marks a pause, but speaks again just as fast when he sees the flash of guilt crossing his friend’s eyes. “I don’t blame you.” He reassures him. “I’ve been in your position countless times in the past to know that that day must have been as traumatic for you as it was for me. Maybe even more, I mean I- I was asleep the whole time, after all. You were the one who had to-” Eddie pauses when he sees Buck’s face suddenly contorted with excruciating pain – agony, even – but he pushes through it all the same. “You were the one who had to deal with everything.”

“Eddie, I-”

Eddie bites his lower lip when he sees his best-friend’s eyes already filled with tears.

“Buck, you saved me.” Eddie says, his voice determined.

“No I-” Buck shakes his head. “I let you down.”

“You saved me.” Eddie repeats, with even more vigor. “Evan.” He says. “Look at me.” He adds, glancing at Buck, knowing he now has his full attention. The blue eyes staring back at him are filled with pain, agony, and Eddie knows his friend is back there again, in the streets, watching him bleed to death in front of him.

“I didn’t-” Buck starts and suddenly tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are shaking and his shoulders slump alarmingly as ugly sobs start racking his body. He presses his hand through his eyes, as if to hide himself from his best-friend but the noise coming from his mouth is desperate and angry and broken and Eddie doesn’t waste anytime to park his car on the roadside. “You were dead, Eds.”

“Buck.” Eddie breathes. “I wasn’t- you saved me alright?”

“No Eds, you don’t understand, alright? You were dead. You died . In that ambulance. I- I was telling you to hold on but you- you died. For a few seconds Eddie, you- you were dead. You were gone. I thought I had lost you and I couldn’t- I couldn’t-” Another sob racks his body and Eddie wraps his arms around his shoulders, bringing him closer. Buck hides his face on his chest and Eddie holds him close as he cries, his entire body shaking from exhaustion, from all the pressure he contained during this past few months.

“You never told me that.” He eventually says, his own voice shaking.

“Didn’t want to go back there.” Buck answers and his voice is so small Eddie just holds him a little closer, a little tighter, his right hand running through his blonde locks. He presses a small kiss to his head and closes his eyes, letting his forehead rest against his hair. "You were fine and I wanted - I needed - to focus on that."

“I love you.” Eddie tells him. “Buck, how can you think you let me down while you’re literally the only reason I’m sitting in this car next to you? You saved me. You took care of my son. You took care of me . Even when I was being a whiny little shit.” Eddie smiles when a small laugh escapes Buck’s lips. “You did so good. You always do.”

“Wasn’t easy.” Buck teases him but his voice still betrays his true feelings.

“And yet, you stayed.” Eddie reminds him.

“Yeah well…” Buck answers like it’s not a big deal. “Where- where else would I go?”

Eddie huffs out a laugh and presses his lips on Buck’s shoulder when this one buries his face in the crook of his neck, still trying to catch his breath.

“Move in with us.” Eddie finds himself blurting out, causing Buck to sit straight once again, watching him with a bewildered expression on his face. “I mean it.”

“I- what- what about Chris?” Buck asks because of course that’s the first thought that crosses his mind. His son’s well-being.

“What about him?” Eddie asks, his eyebrows raised.

“I don’t- maybe he doesn’t want me there all the time.” Buck starts and frowns when Eddie huffs out a laugh.

“Yeah, right.” Eddie answers, unimpressed. “That kid would probably kill me if I ever let you go back to your loft and you know it.” He adds. “He adores you, Buck.”

Buck’s eyes dart towards him, his shy and sheepish smile stretching up his lips.

“What about you? Do you want me there?” Buck asks, hesitant.

“Buck I’m the one who asked.” Eddie says. “You’re practically already living with us anyway. Wouldn’t change a single thing. Except that you- well you definitely wouldn’t sleep in the spare room anymore.”

“But I wouldn’t-”

“Buck, can you please stop finding excuses and say yes already?” Eddie asks, exasperated. He still places his right hand behind his neck though, and looks at him dead in the eye when he says these next few words. “I want you there with us. All the time. Every day.”

“Alright.” Buck eventually says. “I- I’ll stay.” He adds.

“Good.” Eddie smiles, and when Buck’s eyes dart towards his lips for just a second, he doesn’t waste any time and crash their lips together in a gentle, soft kiss, tasting Buck’s tears.

“I- I love you too.” Buck says after a few minutes. “I just- just realized I still haven’t said it back.”

“You didn’t have to.” Eddie answers. “I already knew.”

Buck smiles a bit more, but another serious look crosses his face as he bites his lower lip.

“Thank you.” And Eddie heard these words a thousand times before from Buck’s mouth but in that particular moment, they seem to hold more meaning that he can possibly imagine. “For saying it first.”

Eddie intertwines their fingers together and presses a small kiss on Buck’s knuckles, starting the car.

“Anything for you, Evan.” Eddie says and huffs out a small laugh when he hears Buck’s groan resonating in the car. He puts his indicator on and turns his wheel to follow the road back home, his hand still holding Buck’s fingers.

“I-” Buck starts but seems to hesitate. His gaze is stuck on the road, like he’s afraid to meet Eddie’s eyes when he’s going to say these next few words.

“You what?” Eddie encourages him.

“I like it.” Buck says, keeping his voice low. “When you- when you call me Evan.”

“Oh I know.” Eddie teases him.

“You’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?” He asks him, smiling.

“One hundred percent.” Eddie confirms. “Only way to be sure I’ve got your undivided attention.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Buck exclaims, rolling his eyes at him.

“Maybe later.” Eddie raises his eyebrows in a suggested manner and Buck only scoffs, but Eddie can already see his cheeks turning red.

“Alright alright, eyes on the road, Edmundo .” Buck says playfully and Eddie lets out a laugh. “I love you.” These words seem to slip past Buck’s lips of their own accord.

“Love you more.” Eddie instantly retorts.

“Well I loved you first.” Buck answers.

“Bold assumption you make here, Buckley.”

“Let’s hash that out at home.” Buck tells him, resting his head on the window, his voice tired and his eyes closed.

“Alright.” Eddie answers. “But you and I both know I’m gonna win this round.”

Buck huffs out a laugh and catches Eddie’s hand on the gearshift to intertwine their fingers together, the smile not leaving his face.

“Shut up and drive us home, Diaz.”

“Alright.” Eddie answers, pressing another kiss to Buck’s knuckles. “Let's get you home, Evan.”  

#9-1-1 #911 #buddie fic #buddie #buck x eddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley

[honey-dewey]

Pepper Spray

Pairing: Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels/Reader

Word Count: 2,181

Warnings: None

The Statesman parking lot was the only thing you hated about your job. Mostly because it was dark as the night and terrifying even when you were clutching a weapon. Of course, when the time comes to use said weapon, you may or may not have accidentally used it on the wrong person. Oops.

 You loved your job. A well paying and not too hard job at the Statesman distillery and apparently, secrecy agent service. You mostly worked with the papers, filing and sorting and re-reading. It was hell on the feet and worse on the eyes, but you knew every inch of that building and all it’s goings on. It was truly an ideal job. 

However, the one and only thing you hated about your job was the parking lot. 

It was far away from the building, shrouded in darkness that the lights never touched. You’d put pepper spray on your keychain after a month of working at Statesman, and had hesitantly asked Ginger to make you a discreet weapon after you’d used your pepper spray once on a creep at a bar. She’d given you brass knuckles that you’d thankfully never had to use, but just knowing you could protect yourself was comfort enough. Even if you weren’t on Statesman property, the feeling of being protected was one you loved. 

Fridays were, of course, always hectic. Weekly mission reports were due on Friday, and between the fact checking and the grammar checks and the sorting away, you’d spent an hour extra at work. It wasn’t a bad thing though, as you got paid overtime and the bulk of the work was sorting away the new reports. However, your late night work antics meant that by the time you left the office, the parking lot was dead dark, and you clutched your pepper spray as you made your way to your car. 

Humming to yourself, just some annoying song one of your coworkers had been playing all day, you walked past the security booth leading into the parking lot. 

A noise behind you made you spin around, heart beating overly fast. The noise sounded distinctly like the security booth door opening. Your finger itched on the pepper spray trigger, getting ready. 

You continued towards your car, now on high alert. With the security Statesman had, you were fairly certain whoever was around wasn’t a huge threat to your safety, but you had to be certain. More than likely, it was just Tom, the security guard who usually sat in the booth. He left sometimes, to grab food or take a bathroom break. You took a breath, trying desperately to convince yourself it was just Tom. 

When you finally had your car in sight, you heard footsteps behind you, falling in line with yours. They were heavy, heavier than Tom’s, and they were regular, masked slightly by the sound of your own. Whoever was behind you was trying to hide their steps. Squaring your shoulders, heart beating loudly in your ears, you whirled around and immediately sprayed your pepper spray. There was no time to assess the threat, you just prayed your aim was true. 

It, thankfully, was. Your target, however, was not who you expected. 

“Whiskey?” 

Agent Whiskey, or Jack as he preferred around the office, was standing in front of you, his face and shirt bright orange as he attempted to process the fact that you’d just pepper sprayed him. 

“Oh my god!” You said, panicking as you realized what you’d just done. “I am so sorry!” 

Jack made a pained noise as the spray took its effect, and you immediately jumped into action. “C’mon,” you said, putting an arm around him. “I am so sorry,” you added again.

He didn’t respond. You sighed, slightly worried that this could be the end of your career. After all, you’d just pepper sprayed one of Statesman’s best agents. A mistake like that was pretty damn big. 

By the time you had him back in the building, Jack’s eyes were swollen shut and his face was soaking wet from the tears he was involuntarily crying. He couldn’t talk, so you simply busied yourself with setting him in a medical exam room and searching for what you needed. 

You’d gone through the paperwork on these rooms and their set up so many times that you knew every square inch of the space. And all the receipts for medical purchases went through you as well, meaning you also knew exactly what was stocked. 

Thankfully, Statesman had what you needed within reach, and it took you almost no time at all to find the nondescript bottle of saline solution and put it on the countertop. Along with that, you put on gloves, just to protect your hands. 

You carefully, while describing your actions so as not to send Jack into a panic, took his hat and jacket off and led him to the tiled corner of the room with the eye wash station. 

“I’m going to spray your face with this saline solution,” you said, uncapping the bottle. “It’s cold, but not super cold. It should help for when we flush the spray off your face with water.” As you explained, Jack shuffled on his feet, clearly eager to make the pain subside. 

“Three,” you said warningly, rolling the bottle back and forth in your hands, hoping you could warm the liquid a bit. 

“Two.” Jack tensed, although whether it was out of pain or anticipation, you had no idea. You could only hope it was anticipation. 

“One.” You sprayed the liquid all across Jack’s face, although it was more like splashing him with water from a cup. The saline solution dripped down his face and onto his shirt, mixing with the tears he’d shed. You put the bottle down, expertly guiding Jack over the eye wash station and turning it on. 

“Fifteen minutes,” you said, taking your gloves off and dumping them into the trash. “At least. After that, we’ll wait for your eyes to open and give you a rest period to let the burn subside, which could take a while, but should resolve itself in an hour or so.” 

Jack ended up needing a break around the eight minute mark, leaning back and taking multiple deep breaths, his eyes still shut and his throat still pretty much unusable. He rasped out a few words about his stained shirt, and you took the break in eye rinsing to help him take his shirt off and have him wash his hands. Once that was done, he went right back to the eye wash station to complete his time. 

Once Jack’s fifteen minutes were up, you helped him sit down and dry off, his eyes still swollen shut. Thankfully, his throat was starting to clear, and he was able to talk to you. 

“How in the hell?” He rasped. “I didn’t know you worked here in medical.” 

“I don’t.” You put the mostly empty saline bottle away, making a note on the whiteboard near the door that the room needed more. “I do the paperwork. I just happened to have to pull papers on an accident involving pepper spray today, and had to Google how to relieve the burn to fact check the papers. This room is familiar because I keep track of all the supplies and blueprints. Really, I just know a lot about everything that goes on in this building.” 

Jack took a breath. “Fuck.” 

You laughed. “Sure. Fuck.” 

Grabbing a few tissues, you carefully wiped away the residual tears and water off Jack’s face. His eyes blinked open, still red and swollen, but not too bad anymore. 

“Hey,” you said happily, glad to see his eyes open. “How’re you feeling?” 

“Like shit,” Jack muttered, raising a hand to rub his face, but you caught his wrist before he could. 

“Don’t rub,” you warned. “That’ll make it worse.” 

Jack nodded. “How long before the burn stops?” 

You shrugged, thinking back to the pepper spray paperwork. “An hour. But you probably won’t be fully recovered until tomorrow.” 

Sighing, Jack leaned back. “I guess we’re gonna be stuck here a while.” 

Eventually, you grabbed a washcloth and soaked it in cool water, laying it across Jack’s eyes. The swelling was, thankfully, going down, as was the redness. His eyes had finally stopped watering as well, meaning he was mostly able to see again. 

As Jack’s face got better, you two talked. Not about anything important, just simple things that could distract Jack. You learned he had a ranch, and he eagerly told you about his cow. 

“Her name is Bella,” he said, showing you a photo on his phone. You smiled. Bella was absolutely beautiful, with soft looking tan fur and big brown eyes. “She’s a highland cow, which is why she’s so fluffy.” 

“I didn’t know you had pets,” you said, sitting back and checking your watch. “Bella’s adorable.” 

Jack shrugged, putting his phone back into his pocket. “I inherited most of it from my brother,” he explained. “He died a while back, right as I joined Statesman. Mom always expected to get the ranch, but my brother said she didn’t have the heart for it. So he left it to me.” 

“Huh.” You stood, dusting yourself off. “Does your mother suck?” 

“Nah,” Jack responded. “She’s just not very motherly.” 

You laughed. “Well that explains it. We should probably get going, by the way. It’s getting late.” 

So you and Jack walked out to the parking lot, you silently fiddling with your keys. 

“Can I drive you home?” You blurted, watching Jack head off towards where the Bronco was parked. 

He stopped, turning back to you. “Pardon?” 

“I’m just worried your eyes aren’t up to scratch yet,” you elaborated, nervousness making you shuffle your feet. “And I’d feel better if I got to drive you home.” 

Jack shrugged. “Yeah. Sure.” 

As he got into your car, he looked around, impressed. “What kinda car is this?” 

“A mustang. Shelby Cobra to be specific.” 

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Is it a ‘67?” 

“Yep.” You busied yourself with backing out, the old mechanics of the car a familiar comfort to you. 

“Huh.” Jack leaned back. “Impressive.” 

You smiled, waving to Tom, who was in the security booth. “Thank you. It was my dad’s, but he gave it to me because I helped him repair it when I was young. Where’s your house?” 

Jack put his address into his phone, putting it on the dash and maxing the volume so you could hear the directions. 

“So why’d you pepper spray me?” He asked eventually, breaking the silence. 

You snorted. “Why were you sneaking up on me in the middle of the night?” 

“I had a question.” 

“Mhm,” you hummed, making a turn. “What question?” 

Jack fiddled with his jacket zipper, seemingly nervous. “Just wanted to ask about my paperwork. Ginge needed to know when my last eye exam was, and she told me to find you.” 

You laughed. “It couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?” You asked. “Also, it was three years ago.” 

“How in the fuck?” 

“Champ needed your file yesterday so he could compare your sharpshooting record to one of the other agent’s scores,” you explained. “And on my way back down to the records room, I read it over. It’s a long walk and I needed some entertainment.”

Jack shook his head in disbelief, a small smile on his lips. “You are unbelievable.” 

You grinned, turning and pulling into Jack’s ranch. “I’m fairly certain being unbelievable is my job,” you pointed out, putting the car in park. 

As Jack opened the car door, you heard excited mooing and saw a dark figure racing over. 

“Bella!” Jack said eagerly, petting the cow the same way one would pet a dog. “Hey darlin’. How’s the ranch?” 

Bella mooed again, headbutting your car. 

You got out, coming around to scratch Bella’s ears. She butted into you too, sending you back a couple of steps. 

“Be nice,” Jack scolded playfully, shaking a finger at Bella. “This is a guest!” 

Bella mooed yet again and trotted off. 

“I’m sorry about her,” Jack said, turning to you. “She’s a people cow.” 

You merely shook your head, laughing. “It’s fine. By the way, is there any way I can make tonight up to you? I did kinda pepper spray you. Can I make that right somehow?” 

Jack chuckled, leaning on a fence post. “Come ‘round here again tomorrow at six. Wear something nice.” 

“Are you asking me out?” Of all the things you expected, this was not it. 

“Yeah,” Jack said. “What’d you say? Please keep in mind I was pepper sprayed an hour ago.” 

You snorted, getting back into your car and putting the window down. “It’s a date.” 

As you backed out of Jack’s ranch, he waved at you, and you waved back. 

Once you reached your own house, you fell onto your couch and eagerly texted Ginger, telling her about your upcoming date. Within seconds, she was calling you. 

“What?” You asked, giggling and heading into your kitchen for a glass of water. 

Ginger took a deep breath. “Did you just score a date with Jack goddamn Daniels?” 

“Yeah?” You said, leaning against your counter. “I mean, I kinda pepper sprayed him first, but yeah, I got a date!” 

There was a pause. And then, 

“I’m sorry, did you say you pepper sprayed him!?”

#kingsman the golden circle #kingsman #agent whiskey #jack 'whiskey' daniels #agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey x you #pedro pascal #my writing

[marvel-ousnesss]

There for you (Valerio Montesinos x reader)

@nervousbailiffpicklecookie's request: 15, 16, 17 w/ Valerio from elite. from this promptlist. 

Warning: abusive parent, alcohol, angst

A/N: Thanks so much for reading. Love you all so, so much 

Wordcount: 3140

masterlist

You stirred the last sip of your drink in circles, blinking a few times before looking at it with a newfound interest. You were normally a gleeful drunk but at the moment you could only think of what awaited at home. All you wanted to do was enjoying the night but things had been going south ever since you had arrived. 

Samuel had shown up at the club, making Guzman more bitter than usual; hence, Lu was practically joint by his hip. Carla, her head had been spinning around Christian for a few months now and, even if you repetitively tried to drag her away from him and to the dance floor, she gravitated toward him every time. And Ander, well, you hadn’t seen him for like an hour… which left you out of options. 

“What the hell”, you mumbled while you emptied your drink and gracelessly made your way to Nadia and the new girl. They weren’t your usual crowd but you had worked with Nadia for a few projects and she had always been nice to you, so you went for it. 

"Nadia, hey! I can’t believe you're here, you look great." You plastered a smile on your face, determined to give having a good time one last try. You waved a barman and, with a gesture of your hand, ordered shots for the three of you. 

"Thanks, Y/N, you too". She smiled back at you. "Oh, this is Rebeka."

"Hey, nice to meet you."

She gave you a nod. "Won’t Guzmán kick you out of his little clique if he sees you with us?"

"I’ll take my chances", you shrugged. "But he's all bark, no bite."

At that moment, your drinks arrived. 

Rebeka took hold of one of the glasses and so did you. 

She raised one. "In that case, listen up.” She looked between the two of you, prompting you to pay attention. "I'd screw that guy after, maybe, four beers. That one, after two" your eyes followed her finger around the room. "And that one, she laughed, oh my god I would do him after a non-alcoholic beer, she pointed at a last one. Shit, I’d fuck him after drinking diet coke, what bout you." 

You scanned the club and, with a frown, pretended to consider all the different choices. After a few seconds, you drank your shot and smiled at them. 

"Okay, ladies, keep up." Your index finger jumped around the room while you chanted,  "Three, five, three, four, and," you paused, then pointed at a guy in the middle of the room. "Maybe seven," you giggled. "All of those being counted in tequila shots." 

Nadia rolled her eyes with a smile and Rebeka laughed. "What about you?" she asked Nadia. 

"Oh no, I don't drink so I wouldn't really know how to play."

"Your loss," you teased in a sing-song voice. 

"Yeah, you're really missing out," Rebeka lifted her glass.

Nadia's eyes drifted between the two of you and she gave in and took hold of Rebeka's drink. However, Valerio bumped into her when she was about to take a sip as he and Guzmán reentered the club animatedly chatting. 

"Sorry." He turned towards Nadia with a look of concern. "I'm so sorry about that."

She brushed him off and just laughed, "Now that's definitely a sign from above."

Rebeka snorted, "Well if you ask me, he doesn't really look like an envoy from heaven."

"I can be anything you want," his voice was smoky as he stalked behind her.  "A demon, an angel just-" he lifted his gaze and caught yours- "say the word."

He stepped past her and closer to you, then took a small leap and sat on the stool next to you. 

"That's a lie," you scoffed. "You're anything but an angel."

"True," his hand traveled to your waist. “But that has never bored you.”

Nadia gave you and Rebeka an awkward smile, "see you guys in a bit."

At least she knew how to read the mood. Rebeka, on the other hand, showed no intention of leaving. Just your luck, Lu appeared behind her with the plastic smile she had perfected over the years. 

"Hi, good evening, I believe we haven't been properly introduced." she beamed, "I'm Valerio's sister."

Rebeka forced a smile. 

"Half-sister," Valerio taunted, his hand stroking your side softly. 

You leaned into his touch, your body began to remind you how much you had missed him. 

"Anyway," Lu rolled her eyes, pretending not to notice. " Mind if I steal you off for a second? Later guys", she winked, leaving with Rebeka. 

Valerio mouthed a 'thank you' and hopped off the stool, bringing you closer to him. "You avoided me the whole day," he stated. "Why?"

You gulped, trying to find a proper answer. 

"My dad's in Valencia, and, well, my mom's been kind of in a mood lately,” you admitted. "But let's not talk about it now,” Your voice was velvety as you leaned toward him slowly.

Before he could argue, you pulled his golden chain for your lips to meet his in a tender kiss and your hands traveled around his neck. However, he saw right through you. Instead of urging to go deeper, like he usually would, he moved away from you and, when your gaze fell, used one of his hands to lift your chin. 

"I know it's technically not mine, but if you wanna crash at my place, just say the word." 

"Thanks," you smiled and took a deep breath. "But let’s not think about that now, we have some catching up to do.” 

Valerio knew exactly what you meant and, to say the least, was happy to oblige. He guided you to the dance floor, this time stepping behind you. Again, his hands found their way to your waist and began toying with the hem of your shirt, later moving to the sides of the waistline of your pants. Your arm snaked around his collar and tucked on his raven curls, prompting him to bury his face in the delicate spot where your shoulder met your neck. 

You had missed this deeply, even sometimes it troubled you to think of him. Most people didn’t get to see past the drug loving party boy facade, but he had been there for you in your darkest moments and had proven himself one of the most caring and loyal people anyone could ask for. 

That was exactly why you were afraid of losing him. It was one thing to have fun among friends, pretty much what you were doing right now; and a complete other to let any feelings into the mix. Feelings that, you knew, had been haunting you for a long time now. 

Although now was not the moment to think of that, so you let yourself enjoy the rest of the party. Having Valerio by your side gave you a significant boost of endorphins; you laughed, danced, and drank your ass off, momentarily forgetting what expected you once you arrived home. 

Huge mistake. 

A headache woke you up next morning, according to your phone, you still had half an hour before your alarm went off. But there was no use on trying to fall back asleep, your throat was too dry and, for some reason, your room had been invaded by some awfully fruity and cloying smell.

 With a groan, you stumbled to the kitchen and dove into the refrigerator. After grabbing a glass of cold water, you closed the door, coming face to face with your mother. 

She was in gym clothes, ready to head out for a run, so you prayed for your encounter to be as short-lived as possible. You weren’t in the mood to deal with her right now, and you had to get ready for school if you wanted to head to Ander’s before class. 

“Morning,” you greeted. 

“Glad you’re awake honey, I wanted to talk to you before you left.” 

She asked you to sit with her on the couch for a moment, giving you what she thought was a kind smile. 

You forced out a matching one, “what’s up, is everything okay, mom? 

She sighed. “Y/N, dear, you know I love you. But you can’t let loose like you did last night.” She grabbed one of your hands and you involuntary stiffened. “Our family has a carefully built name, and we all have to do our part to take care of it.” 

There was no point in arguing with her. “It was a mistake, mom, I’m sorry I went a bit over the top.” 

“A bit over the top?” She scoffed, “you arrived home at four in the morning, stumbling through the door. God knows where you even drank that much.”  

“I just went out with a few friends from school. Ander was there, and so was Nadia. Remember her?” 

 She let go of your hand and pinched her temples, exasperated. “It’s not about them. You are our daughter and need to begin acting like such.” 

“I'm sorry, it won't happen again.” 

"you better make sure of it," she foretold. 

Grateful it was over, you let yourself relax. Your hands tangled themselves in your hair and you put it into a messy bun. 

“Honey, I’m only gonna ask this once,” this time, she took hold of both of your hands and turned around to completely face you. “Where did you get those bruises?”

She sounded disgusted and defeated, but tried to evoke interest and concern. You looked at her, perplexed, and checked your hands and arms. "What bruises?" 

her cynical laugh made you gulp. 

Without warning, your mother's hand landed on your cheek, leaving a burning sensation behind. “I told you, I'm not gonna ask again.” 

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak, not knowing what was she talking about.

Grumbling something under her breath, she grabbed your arm and stood up, guiding you to the guest restroom. Once there, she pushed you toward the mirror. "These bruises, you little slag."

You mentally cursed, flashbacks of the party coming back to you at speed of light. Then you faced her once again, her arms were crossed over her chest as she looked at you with disgust. 

You released a breath, thinking of a plausible excuse. “I burnt myself with my flat iron.” Your tone showed no emotion, but your nose wrinkled, giving you away. 

“Like hell you did.” She breathed deeply, then looked at you in a much sympathetic way. "Please, don't lie to me."

“I’m not,” you insisted, "I burnt myself getting ready".

“Oh dear, why do you do this to us?” She sighed, pacing back to the living room. “Your father and I are just trying to do what's best for you, honey.” She sat back down burying her head in her hands. 

A lake of tears spouted in your eyes. "Do you even think of what's best for me, mom?

Sometimes I feel like you just see me as a vessel for all the label 'Y/L/N' is to you."

As soon as the words left your lips, you realized the mistake you had made. Again, your mother's eyes shot daggers at you. 

“You ungrateful brat, after all that your father and I have done, after what we've sacrificed to give you the life you have.” She stood up. “Of course, we see you as a Y/L/N 'cause that's you are. Without us, you're worthless.” 

As she advanced toward you, you stepped back.

"Please, don't hit me," your blurted, eyes invaded by fear. 

She closed her eyes and huffed, running a hand through her hair. "Just, go get dressed, you're gonna be late."

You quietly got ready for school and exited the house without saying goodbye. As you rode your bike to Ander’s house, which was a few blocks away, you found yourself stopping a minute to call your father, but didn’t say anything aside from the usual, awfully brief ‘good morning’ that was routine. 

You opened your front camera and relaxed a bit when you saw the slap hadn’t left any visible marks - yet. What you were going through was still a bit new to you, your mother had hit you for the first time a month after your uncle’s death, two years ago. No one at school knew about it, aside from Ander, and you intended to keep it that way.

You put your phone away and continued pedaling through the familiar streets. Once you arrived at your friend's house, you left your bike on the sidewalk and knocked on the front door. Azucena was the one to answer, making you unconsciously guide your hand to the spot on your arm where your mother's had been. 

She greeted you with a sense of warmth that put you at ease and invited you in while Ander finished getting ready. You almost spit your coffee when she nonchalantly asked about the red spots on your cheek but assured it was just an allergic reaction to a new powder. 

“Took you long enough,” you sneered. 

He rolled his eyes but greeted you with a hug. After kissing Azucena goodbye, the two of you left his house. You arrived at school with a few minutes to spare, even after the small detour to Nadia and Omar's shop. You fixed the folds of your skirt and stepped inside, parting ways with Ander and heading to your locker so you could fetch some books for the day. Staring at yourself through the small mirror hung on the small door, you sighed and used a small green stick concealer to get rid of the redness.

As if on cue, Valerio's frame appeared behind your shoulder as soon as you were done. You smiled at him through the mirror and closed your locker, turning around to face him. 

"Just who I wanted to see," he hummed, stretching a hand out for you. 

Once you took it he twirled you around, bringing you closer and landing his arm on your shoulder. Looking up at him, you quirked a brow

"Anything, in particular, that's got you this happy?"

"Nope."  He popped the 'p' sound. ''Guess it's your doing."

You dismissed him with a hum and a quick peck, then began walking to class. The rest of the day went by uneventful, until the classes ended. You headed straight to the locker room, changed into a tank top and a pair of gym shorts, and made your way to the school gym. That was one of the safest places you could think of, as none of your friends used it. 

Popping your earbuds in, you jumped on the treadmill and began warming up. The sweat ran down your forehead as you ran, panting and mouthing the lyrics to the song playing. Right after slowing the pace so you could cool off, you saw someone entering out the corner of your eye but gave it no mind. To get your attention, Valerio stepped onto the treadmill next to yours and began jogging. 

You took an earbud off.

"Hello, Jell-O,"

"Hey V," you snorted, patting your face dry. Once done, you placed the towel on your shoulder, covering the plum subtle marks that had began to appear on your arm.

"Wanna bother my sister? Guzman and I are headed to Cayetana's and-."

Your brows frowned as you took a sip of water. "Not really, no."

Any trace of excitement left his face as he turned the treadmill off and stepped behind yours, waiting for you to finish. "Come on, Y/N/N,"he whined. "Just gonna be like- two hours, and I'll personally escort you to the mass."

"I can't." You stepped down, facing him. "Besides, I have to shower and stuff. It's better if I head home."

"Why don't you shower here?" He strode next to you as you exited the gym. "That way, we can make a pits stop at your place and the three of us head over to Cayetana's."

"Sorry V, I can't, I-" 

You let your words die when you caught him staring at your face. The blush you got after running was already beginning to wear off, and the concealer you'd been wearing had worn off with all the sweat. Valerio's fingers caressed the crimson bruise that had appeared on your right cheek. 

"How long have you been hiding this?" His voice was barely above a whisper. 

"It's nothing, really," you tried to disregard the topic, "just an allergy I got from this new powder I'm using."

"Please don't lie to me."

Those words sent a chill down your spine, your eyes tried to widen but you forced yourself to kept a straight face, although it didn't last. Defeated, you looked at him with glassy eyes. You couldn't bring yourself to lie to him anymore, not when he was looking at you with concern and shock radiating from every feature of his face. 

"Two years," you disclosed, swallowing hard. 

It hurt him to know that you hadn't confided in him when you were at your worst, you could see it. But he knew that, now that he knew, he needed to place those feelings aside and be there for you, like he should have been from the beginning. 

"And, you've been dealing with this on your own?"

He moved closer to you and moved to bring you closer, knocking the towel off your shoulder. When he saw the rest of the bruises, he stepped back so he could properly study them. Your head fell to the side in shame. His hand trailed up your arm delicately and traced a feathery touch over the sore skin. When you gathered the courage to look at him, his eyes revealed a glimmer that match your own.  

He couldn't stop the question from rolling off his tongue. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I- I," "I'm sorry." Your throat tightened and, after a sharp intake of breath, you pleaded, "I- please, don't be mad."

Tears began to fall down your cheeks and Valerio's heart broke. As a harrowing whimper abandoned you he wrapped his body around yours and rested his head on top of yours, letting you bury yourself in the comforting scent of his Versace cologne and the warmth of his embrace. 

"Never," he mumbled against your hair. 

You immediately hugged him tighter. Hearing that soothed you, but your crying didn't stop, it had been a long time since you last let yourself go and, right now, this was just what you needed. You focused on the strong heartbeat pounding against your ear and relaxed, allowing yourself some much needed catharsis. 

"I love you," you breathed, tilting your head to look at him.

"I love you too." The smile he gave you took your breath away.

Requests open!

#valerio x reader #Valerio Montesinos x reader #Elite imagine #Valerio imagine #Netflix elite #Las Encinas #Elite season 3 #Valerio Montesinos #Valerio #Jorge López #valerio oneshot #valeirio imagines #valerio montesinos imagine #valerio montesinos imagines #valerio blurb

[maria-scribbles]

loyalty’s all i got | part two

three years ago, you had it all: great friends, good grades, and an almost perfect relationship with your boyfriend, jj. it all came crashing down when your mom relocated your family to california for work and you were forced to trade the outer banks for malibu, leaving your broken heart behind in the place you were just starting to think of as home. now you're back in town for college and to pick up the pieces, hoping to make things right again with your friends and the boy you never stopped loving.

word count: 8.6k+

ship: jj maybank x female!reader, pogue friendship

warnings n stuff: angst angst angst all around (with a happy ending tho!!), the reader being a v. sad girl, mentions of anxiety/depression, failed long distance relationship, drifting apart, self-inflicted loneliness/isolation, the classic trope of 'they broke up but they're still in love with each other' that gives me feels, swearing (it's not my writing unless someone says 'fuck' at least once), reconciliation/mended relationships, traditional cheesy rom-com rain scene 'cause i'm a Dramatic Hoe™

a/n: and here's the second and final part of this looooong two-shot! thank you all so much for reading and i hope you enjoy the finale even though i low key kind of hate it 🙃. fun fact: surfrider beach is a real place in malibu known for its great waves :) also i apologize for how long this took to post, i dropped my laptop and the screen broke so i had to wait for it to get fixed lmao. unbetaed as usual, any mistakes are my b. 

~masterlist~

part two: like a ghost that no one knew

When you said goodbye to your friends three years ago, you should've known things would never be the same again. You were sixteen, still so young and naïve and full of an almost childlike hope that kept you from seeing the obvious: life wasn't fair. Sometimes, you could be holding all the right cards and still lose the game.

It should've been easy. You had a video chat schedule already figured out, promises of daily texts and Snapchats, a boyfriend willing -enthusiastically willing, in fact- to go long distance and make it work no matter what 'cause you both agreed that what you had was something worth fighting for. You and your friends had weathered many storms together, what was one more? It could've been easy but you underestimated just how cruel California would be.

You traded one coast for the other and watched the sun set over the Pacific alone when you would've given anything to watch it rise over the Atlantic with your friends. It hurt to surf solo but you did it anyway, even though it felt like a damn sucker punch each time you caught yourself scanning the sand for JJ and his proud smile when you successfully caught bigger and bigger waves at Surfrider Beach. 

Long distance was hard. You had days where all you wanted to do was lay on your bed for hours, safely curled up in his arms as he ran his fingers through your hair but you had to settle for his voice over the phone and one of his shirts from your closet instead. You missed everything about him: his pretty eyes that looked like the clearest ocean, the cheeky grin he'd send your way after making a stupid joke that had you affectionately rolling your eyes in exasperation, that adorable flush that spread across his face without fail each and every time you said you loved him. You longed for his constant affection; the way he always wanted to keep you close somehow, his arm around your shoulders, hand in your back pocket, or fingers entwined with yours; how he could never go a day without kissing you. Being apart was nothing short of torture.

"I fucking miss you." He said late one night during a rare FaceTime session -his phone was a piece of shit so he had to 'borrow' John B's whenever he could- and you smiled despite the knife twisting itself deeper and deeper into your heart as you played with the fraying sleeve of his old sweatshirt you wore. 

"I fucking miss you more, J." You whispered back, giggling quietly when he scrunched up his nose in playful skepticism. 

"Yeah, I don't think so, babe. There's no way." 

"Yes, way!"

Although it hurt like hell, you imagined being tangled up with him in the hammock hanging in the Chateau's yard under the North Carolina sky -the light from the moon would turn his blond hair a pale silver as he grinned down at you and cupped your cheek in his hand, closing that final distance between you for a kiss that'd fuel the fire racing through your veins- and you let that fleeting happiness carry you through the night, long after you said goodbye. You fell asleep with your phone in your hand, unaware that your mother had been listening from the other side of your closed door.

You'd been distant from her and your dad in the months since the move, obviously going out of your way to avoid them both by spending all your spare time surfing at the beach, coming home well past sunset and heading straight to your room without a word. They'd taught you forgiveness wasn't something to be given willingly -it had to be earned- and since neither of them had done anything worthy to deserve an absolution, you simply pretended they didn't exist and let yourself stew in your justified anger.

Until the morning after your video date with JJ, they'd wisely given you your space so you were pretty blind sighted to find them both waiting for you at the dining room table, one of your dad's famous cinnamon rolls on a plate set in front of your usual chair. You paused in the middle of tying one of your boyfriend's worn bandanas in your hair before abruptly continuing toward the front door, acting like you didn't see the hopeful looks on their faces that made guilt slowly start to burrow its way into your chest. 

"Y/N, wait," Your dad sprung from his seat and reached his hand out toward your elbow, his face falling when you instantly pulled back and crossed your arms. "Please, let's just talk for a second."

"I'm gonna be late for the bus," You lied and tried for the door again, sighing in frustration when he blocked your path and ushered you toward the table where your mom was sitting, biting her thumbnail. The guilt burrowed deeper: you thought she kicked that habit years ago but there she was, chewing her nail to shreds and it was all because of you (the empty satisfaction you felt knowing you were the cause of her stress made you hate yourself just a little more.).

"Jellybean, don't worry about that. I'll drive you." 

You bristled at the old nickname but sat in the chair your dad pulled out for you anyway. The smell of the cinnamon roll he pushed your way made your mouth water but you refused to eat and kept your eyes down as you played with the stack of bracelets adorning your wrist. "You wanted to talk?" You asked, deciding to just rip the band-aid off all at once 'cause knowing your mom when she was anxious and your dad being allergic to any type of confrontation, you'd have sat there all day until one of them worked up the courage to speak.

"Talk, right." Bill said with a nervous chuckle, shaking his head as he took a seat and swiped his own cinnamon roll from the pan in the middle of the table. "Uh, how are you?"

"Are you serious right now?" You asked incredulously, looking up from your lap with a raised eyebrow. "All this for 'how are you?'" 

"How would we know?" Your mom finally spoke up as she pulled her ruined nail from her mouth, only to start instantly drumming her fingers on the table. "You're always holed up in your room or at the beach, Y/N. You never talk to us anymore."

You rolled your eyes before fixing her with a deadpan stare. "Hmm, I wonder why."

"Honey, you know I'm sorry-"

"Don't, okay? Just don't." You swallowed thickly and dumped the cinnamon roll back into the pan, blinking away the awful burning pressure building behind your eyes. "I can't listen to some half-assed apology that you don't mean!"

"Y/N, we are sorry. Everything's gonna get better, just give it time." Your dad's reply was muffled by a mouthful of pastry and any other time, you'd usually be laughing at his chipmunk cheeks but instead you just stared back down at your hands again, lip quivering as you tried and failed to hold yourself together. You would not cry. You would not cry. You would not-

"Please, honey." Your mom tentatively reached out one hand like she was approaching a wounded animal, her voice so soft you could barely hear it above the rush of blood in your ears. "It hurts us to see you like this-"

Oh, fuck this shit.

"You're hurt?! Are you kidding me?" Your chair scraped along the tile as you rocketed to your feet, vision blurring when the dam finally broke. "You promised we wouldn't move again until after I graduated and you broke that promise. I let myself make friends for once in my goddamn life -I fucking fell in love, Mom! I fell in love with the most amazing boy who, by some miracle loves me, too despite me being a...a complete loser!" You were rambling now but you couldn't find it in yourself to care about or stop the words flying from your mouth. 

"God, I was happy -so, so disgustingly happy it kind of scared me, okay?" You laughed bitterly and roughly wiped the tears from your cheeks, only to have more immediately take their place. "And you didn't even stop to think before you took it all away from me! So don't even talk to me about being hurt 'cause you have no fucking idea!"

Your dad was frozen, eyes the same color as your own blown impossibly wide in the middle of another bite of cinnamon roll while your mom, two tears streaking perfect twin tracks down her cheeks, looked at you like you'd just told her the world was ending -to her, it just might've been but to you, it already had. Neither of them said another word as you snatched your backpack off the couch and stormed from the house, slamming the door behind you.

Halfway to the bus stop, you decided school just wasn't in the cards that day and doubled back, hiding behind the shed in your backyard until your tears had run dry and both of your parents left -Rebekah to the hospital, Bill to wherever he went while you were in class- before heading inside to change into your rash vest and grab your board. Despite it being early Friday morning, Surfrider Beach was full of life and you welcomed the hustle and bustle as you turned off your phone and buried it at the bottom of your bag, leaving your problems behind on the sand. 

You spent the whole day at the beach, blissfully alone and free to do what you wanted, until the sun dipped low in the sky and you were too exhausted to even think about anything but dragging yourself home so you could pass the fuck out. You caught one final wave before heading back to shore, waving goodbye to the group of other kids you'd surfed with all day (the one thing you loved about California: everyone was so chill) and trudged through the sand toward your things where, just as you expected, your sister sat on your towel, clad in a baggy UCLA long-sleeve with her phone in hand. 

"Bitch, you killed it out there!" She looked up as you dropped your board to the ground and sat down heavily beside her, slipping an old Kildare County High School sweatshirt -the first one you ever 'borrowed' from your boyfriend, much to his delight- over your head. "I mean, look at you go!"

You leaned closer to watch the video she took, the barest hint of a smile on your face when you watched yourself perform a near perfect cutback on the screen. "That's 'cause I had the best teacher." 

Daisy tagged you and posted it to Instagram before you could protest, then tossed the phone back into her bag and turned to you with a forced cheerfulness that kind of made you want to smack her. "So..."

"Mom and Dad sent you to clean up their mess." You finished quietly, tucking your knees to your chest and wrapping your arms around them as your sister sighed dramatically and offered a sympathetic wince. 

"As always." She copied your position and you both stared out at the sun sinking over the water, its fading rays turning the sky brilliant shades of orange and pink. It was typical of your parents to send Daisy after you when you were upset -after all, you'd both been each other's only friend for over half your lives- and normally, you'd be glad to see your sister's friendly face instead of your mom's or dad's. That evening, though? All you felt was...disappointment.

"Guess they really don't give a shit about me." You mumbled under your breath, half-hoping Daisy didn't hear you but from the way she snapped her head in your direction, you didn't get your wish.

"Y/N, that's not it. They're just..."

"Just what? Pretending that they didn't stab me in the back? Acting like everything's all hunky-dory and they actually cared about my feelings?" 

You hastily wiped at your face when your sister silently looped an arm around your shoulders and tucked you against her side, her fingers running soothingly through the ends of your damp hair as you vented all of your frustrations -everything you'd kept locked deep inside your heart- until your voice was hoarse and the sun had long disappeared from the horizon and you had no tears left to cry.

"You have no idea what it's like, being so lonely it hurts to breathe. It hurts knowing Mom and Dad have each other and you have Daniel and I'm alone all the time." You lifted your head from her shoulder and rubbed your red eyes with your sleeve. "Worst part is, they just keep acting like I'll wake up one day and magically be okay and everything'll be all sunshine and rainbows again." 

"First off, I wanna say that I'm sorry for not making more time for you. I knew you were struggling and I'm a terrible big sister for not being here for you like I should have," You squeezed Daisy's other hand in thanks as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, her voice soft and steady like the waves crashing against the shore. "Second, I definitely don't think Mom and Dad are handling this the way they should, but I think they're trying in the only way they know how. That should count for something, right?"

You sighed and tugged the sleeves of your sweatshirt over your hands. "I guess, but they haven't even tried to see where I'm coming from and they don't get that I'm not the only one they hurt. If I have to hear one more half-assed apology, I'm gonna lose my shit. Again."

"I'm not saying you have to forgive them right away 'cause I sure as hell wouldn't until they say they're sorry and mean it. But..." She said, pulling you to your feet and shaking the sand from the towel you were sitting on, "you shouldn't keep shutting them out, okay? It's not healthy."

You tucked your board under your arm as Daisy grabbed your bag and swung it onto her shoulder before you both started walking toward the parking lot. "What if I'm never ready to forgive them?"

"That's a question I don't have the answer to." She said with a shrug. "You've gotta figure that one out for yourself."

So you followed your sister's advice. You were civil and gradually, your relationship with your parents improved until you could stand to be in the same room as them and even carry on a short conversation, even though you knew you'd probably never be able to fully trust them again. You caught them exchanging glances you could only describe as wounded when you often turned down their invitations to go to the movies or get ice cream or other things you used to love doing when you were younger but for the most part, they took it in stride and you were grateful for their little efforts. Forgiveness wasn't in the cards quite yet but with each passing day, you felt the icy wall around your heart slowly start to melt away.

But every time you thought you were taking one step forward, life pushed you two steps back. Just when you were getting things back on track with your family, the train went flying off the rails when it came to your friends and it was all your fault.

It wasn't like you didn't try -God, did you try- to keep yourself from falling back into old habits but Malibu just had a way of bringing out the absolute worst in you. Your old self, the girl who kept to herself and pushed everyone away, someone you thought you buried in the deepest grave, slowly came back from the dead with a vengeance little by little, so subtly you didn't realize what was happening until it was too late. 

One missed phone call turned into two, texts went unanswered for days or not at all, FaceTime sessions happened less and less. The last video chat had been with Kiara and it ended terribly, after you blew up at her for mending her friendship with Sarah Cameron in the near two years since you'd been gone, spitting words you couldn't quite remember -something along the lines of 'didn't take you too long to replace me, huh' and calling the blonde girl a 'heinous bitch'- but knew you regretted with everything you had and hanging up before she had a chance to explain. You couldn't even recall the last time you talked to Pope or John B aside from the occasional Snapchat and your daily calls with JJ had turned to once a week, if you were lucky.

He was trying, you could tell, and so were you but the deck was stacked against you and you were never very good at cards, anyway. It hurt to try, it hurt not to try, everything just hurt. Nearly two years apart had done their damage and coupled with your debilitating fear of being forgotten that clawed at your chest like a rabid dog, your relationship was on unstable ground and for the first time in almost four years, you were thinking about the end. It wasn't like you didn't love him anymore (holy shit, were you still completely head over heels in love). In fact, you loved him so much you realized that he could do so, so much better than you and the thought rested heavy and bittersweet on your mind, lurking in the shadows until you were ready to bring it to light.

It happened on New Year's Eve. Alone in your room, your hands shook as you answered JJ's call at midnight, his voice tired and a little hoarse from celebrating the new year three hours earlier on the opposite coast and you nearly started crying right then and there when you replied with a shaky "I think we need to talk."

"Babe, what's wrong?"

You took a deep breath and said quietly, "Everything."

"Talk to me." The pure concern in those three words nearly convinced you to call it off, to tell him to forget you said anything and that you were fine, everything was just fine but deep down, you knew you couldn't.

"I've been thinking about us and I...I just think that you deserve better than me. Someone who can actually be there for you when you need her and hold you when your dad's an asshole and see you every day. Someone who can laugh at your silly jokes and share a joint with you and clean you up when you get into fights defending your friends-"

"Babe, what are you talking about? That girl is you."

"Maybe I was but I'm not anymore and I don't think I have been since I left. I just can't be the girl you want, I can't be the girl you deserve, J -I'm a total fucking mess and you can do so, so much better than me."

"Y/N."

You didn't know you were crying until you heard the broken way he breathed your name and salt water dripped from your chin onto the bracelet around your wrist. 

"...are you breaking up with me?" His voice was impossibly small, the quietest you'd ever heard it and the exact moment your battered heart shattered into pieces was when you realized he didn't even put up a fight. 

"I think so." The words tore through you like a gunshot as you cried, curling into yourself on the bed in an effort to ward off the worst pain you'd ever felt in your life and you wondered if it was possible to die from a wound that wasn't even physical. 

He was quiet for a long time, so long you thought he hung up without you noticing through your tears, until he sniffed on the other end of the line.

"Guess we had a pretty good run, huh?" He asked with a watery chuckle and you found yourself giving a tiny, shuddering giggle in response -God, even when you were breaking his heart he still managed to make you laugh.

"The best, baby." The pet name slipped out like second nature and you winced, hastily trying to cover your mistake with an awkward cough but from the sharp breath you heard him take, he'd heard it anyway.

("I'm sorry," you said, and it stood as an apology for more than just your slip-up.)

"I love you, Y/N. Probably always will."

"I'll never stop loving you, JJ. That's a promise."

You let yourself believe him as you laid there bleeding from a gash you couldn't see, a wound you knew would never heal, and you hoped he let himself believe you, too, even when you ended the call without another word and threw your phone away from you, not bothering to see where it landed. The sound of your heavy, broken sobs filled the room and you didn't even mind when your mom, who you knew had been listening from the other side of your closed door like always, barged in and took you into her arms, stroking your hair as you cried into her lap.

If you were supposed to avoid getting hurt by leaving first, why did it feel like everything in you was broken? If you were making the right choice, why did it feel so wrong? You didn't have the answers and no matter how hard you searched, you knew you'd ever find them.  

So you tried to stay busy. You joined the surf club at school, got a part-time job at the local aquarium, did anything you could to distract yourself from the hurt and the guilt and the way getting out of bed every morning was the hardest thing to do. Surf club introduced you to Mackenzie, the one girl who was more ostracized at school -an even richer version of the kook academy you hated -than you, her for being freakishly tall and you for your East Coast attitude, and the two of you became fast, if reluctant friends. Mack didn't try to stitch the gaping hole in your heart caused by your absent friends but she numbed the pain just enough to make it bearable and you were grateful for her calm, steady presence at your side, even as you both tried to keep each other at arm's length.  

Later, you found out she was just like you, friendless and awkward with no self-esteem and a tendency to push people away, and that just cemented your friendship through the summer and your final year of high school.

Mack told you all about her life, growing up with no siblings, having height that she never learned to deal with, and a debilitating social anxiety that made making friends near impossible, and in turn you told her about how you hopped from town to town on your mother's whims, the wonderful friends you let slip away, and the beautiful boyfriend you loved enough to let go, and you both cried together for the lives you could've led.

"You two looked so happy," She said during the first sleepover you hosted as she held one of the many picture frames littering your dresser, her lips turned upwards in a small smile.

You gently took the frame from her hands and ran your fingers over the grinning face of your ex-boyfriend, his arms wrapped around your shoulders as your painted lips planted a deep red kiss on his cheek, and the wave of longing washing over you was almost strong enough to bring you to your knees. "It was the happiest I've ever been."

"Do you miss him?"

"So much it hurts."

i miss you.

i'm so sorry.

i still love you.

You'd typed and erased those texts every day but never mustered the courage to hit send and you couldn't decide if that was a blessing in disguise or the worst possible curse. Of course you still loved JJ: you promised you would and even if you didn't, you couldn't stop if you tried. He was your first love, the boy you so willingly gave your whole heart and then some; you still kept his ring on your thumb -the one he gave you at the airport the day you left- and his bracelet around your wrist, his bandanas in your hair and his face in your dreams and you knew you always would.

Before you could blink, your eighteenth birthday flew by and graduation was upon you.

You thought the second you were done with high school you'd be gone, heading straight back to the Outer Banks and the life you left behind but you found yourself stalling on sending in an application to UNC -Chapel Hill until you missed the deadline for the fall semester. On the outside, you made up a semi-legit excuse about getting your basic courses done at a community college to save money but deep down you really knew why you procrastinated: you were terrified to go back. Ever since your break up with JJ, you hadn't spoken to him or any of your old friends other than the obligatory birthday wishes on Facebook and you wondered if the damage you'd done over the years was too much to come back from, even as you tried to work up the courage to find out for sure.

Another year passed: in between earning college credits, you and Daisy took a sister's trip to Disneyland, Mack asked you to tag along on a jaunt up the coast to San Francisco to see Alcatraz, your parents celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary (your gift was long-overdue forgiveness and they said it was the greatest thing you possibly could've given them). When the time came, you and Mack both sent out your applications to UNC -you for biology, her for chemistry- and the myriad of emotions you felt when you got in was nothing short of dizzying. The old you was terrified, screaming at you to rip up the letter and join your sister at UCLA instead of opening old wounds but the hopeful you, the girl who lived without fear, the girl who fell in love and let herself be loved, screamed louder.

And so you killed the old you once again, burying her even deeper than the last time in a locked chest and throwing the key as far as you could out into the Pacific where you knew you'd never find it. You clutched your acceptance letter close to your chest and took a step east, away from California and toward the place where your broken heart still rested, scattered in pieces across the sand.

Settling in at UNC was surprisingly easy. You and Mack already clicked pretty well as friends so making the transition to roommates was natural and, dare you say it, even a little fun and the two of you quickly fell into a comfortable routine in your tiny apartment off campus in Chapel Hill. Comfortable and yet...that happiness you once felt all those years ago was missing from your life and you found yourself just as restless as you were in Malibu. While you knew exactly what you needed to do, that fear kept rearing its ugly head in the back of your mind, poisoning your thoughts: what if they wouldn't be happy to see you, what if they forgot about you, what if they hated you? What if he hated you?

It was terrifying, picturing yourself turning up at the Chateau with a hopeful smile only to have the door slammed right in your face. Deep down, you knew they'd never do that to you no matter how badly you'd hurt them but when you'd spent your whole life expecting the worst, taking a leap of faith wasn't an easy feat -something Mack just couldn't wrap her head around.

"I don't get it."

You glanced up from where you were lounging on your bed, flipping through your biology notes in preparation for your lab exam the next morning and shot your roommate a confused look. "Get what?”

Mack sat at your desk, her own notebooks lying ignored as she spun the chair around to face you, arms crossed. "Why you haven't hopped on that ferry to go get your man yet!"

You froze for a moment too long before offering a half-hearted shrug as you fiddled with the beads at the end of your bracelet. "It's not that easy. He probably wants nothing to do with me and I don't blame him."

"How do you know? You haven't talked to JJ in over a year, right?" At your tight nod, she continued, "What if he's just like you-"

"Depressed?"

Mack fixed you with a flat, unamused look. "Still in love, dumbass."

You scoffed and propped your chin in your hand as you glanced back down at your study guide, trying not to latch onto that little thought -hope and pain all rolled into one- that sparked to life at her words. He'd said he would probably always love you that New Year's Eve and back then you'd let yourself believe him but now, you weren't so sure. "Yeah, right. No way he's still...still in love with me after I broke his heart."

"Maybe he is, maybe he isn't," Your roommate said with a shrug, spinning around on the chair to grab her things. "You'll never know if you don't get over there, track his fine ass down, and talk to him."

You stared down at your notes without actually seeing anything, the slanted letters of your handwriting blurring before your eyes as the other girl flipped her chemistry book closed and stood, shooting you an warm smile that you didn't see. 

"Listen, Y/N, you're my best friend and I want to see you happy more than anything but I can't take that jump for you. Yeah, it's scary and nerve wracking and you might end up hurt worse than before, so what? That's just...life."

Mack left after that, crossing the apartment to her room so she could get ready for a date with a girl from her psych class, leaving you alone with tears on your face and a million thoughts in your head, all of them terrifying and exciting and oh so loud.

She was right, of course -Mack always knew the right thing to say- and as you stared down at the bracelets on your wrists and the ring on your thumb, the pictures on your phone and the too-big shirt hanging off one shoulder, you realized sitting around moping wasn't gonna solve anything; if you wanted your happiness, your friends, the love of your life back, you needed to step up and fight for them with everything you had. And so you wiped the tears from your cheeks and walked to the cliff's edge with your head held high, ready for the fall and whatever came with it. You were ready to fix your mistakes, no matter how badly it might hurt.

Still, you couldn't do it all on your own. You needed some help to make things right again and while you knew just who to ask, you weren't quite sure if they'd be willing to lend a hand. Desperate times called for desperate measures though and you penned a good old-fashioned letter, feeling like a heroine in a Jane Austen novel as you poured all your thoughts -your dreams, wishes, hopes- onto a piece of paper in bold blue ink and sent it off to its destination on Figure 8, your Hail Mary for a happy ending sealed up neatly in a single envelope.

Mack, bless her heart, did her best to keep your spirits up as you waited on a response but even her ever reassuring presence couldn't keep you from worrying as one week passed by, then two. Halfway through the third you'd almost given up, already wracking your brain for another way to make your plan work when your phone chimed with a text from an unknown number.

i'll help you

And just like that, the moment you'd been waiting for was finally within your reach; you told your parents not to expect you for Thanksgiving break, called your sister for a much needed pep talk, and started counting down the days until you'd see your friends again, for better or worse.

When you left the Outer Banks three years ago, it was sunny. You were sixteen, young and in love and scared about the future.

When you returned, it was in the middle of a storm. You were nineteen, a little bit older but no less in love and definitely still scared about what was waiting for you at the end of the road.

Rain pounded against the roof of Sarah Cameron's SUV as she drove away from the docks and toward the Chateau, her fingers tapping along to the music playing quietly through the radio. You sat in the passenger seat, soaked to the bone from your ferry ride from the mainland and shaking like a leaf despite the towel wrapped around your shoulders and the warm air flowing from the car's vents.

"Thanks for coming to get me," You said, wincing at the awkward lilt of your voice echoing in the small space as you spun JJ's ring around your thumb and stared out the windshield at the familiar sights streaking by in blurred shades of green and brown. Being back opened a Pandora's box of emotions in your head, both good and bad, and instead of trying to sort them out, you let them bounce around in your brain like a pinball machine and concentrated on methodically twirling the warm metal ring in circles on your finger.

Sarah briefly glanced away from the road to shoot you a small smile, her kind eyes softening at your visible nervousness. "Not gonna lie, I was pretty sure you hated me so when I got your letter it kinda...threw me for a loop. Sorry it took me so long to reply."

You wished the heated leather seat would swallow you whole as you winced again and wrapped the towel tighter around your shoulders. "For the longest time, I thought I did hate you but I realized I was just...scared of losing my friends and I took it out on you. You didn't deserve to be labeled the villain in my story when I was the one, um, sabotaging myself, I guess." You took a deep breath and picked at a loose thread tickling your arm. "And I'm really, really grateful for your help."

It was more than you wanted to admit out loud -nearly the same words were written in the letter peeking out from the center console of the car- but at the same time, you knew it was what needed to be said and from the way the blonde girl's fingers stopped tapping against the steering wheel, she knew she needed to hear it. At a red light, she quickly tapped out a text on her phone before tossing in back into her bag with another tiny grin in your direction.

"Happy to help. For what it's worth, I'm so sorry if I made you feel like you were being replaced, I never intended to hurt you or steal your friends or...or, I don't know, usurp-" 

"Sarah, stop. Please," You held up a hand to cut off her apology and offered her a self-deprecating smile. "I'm the one who's sorry. I let my...jealousy get the best of me and I feel so bad about all the shit I said 'cause that wasn't fair to you at all and I hope you can forgive me-"

"Y/N, there's nothing to forgive! We all say stupid shit when we're mad -trust me, I know." She interrupted with a bubbly, contagious giggle that seemed to scare away the gloomy storm clouds gathered over your head for a moment in time. "But I was never pissed at you, ever. I just want you to know that."

Stunned, you settled deeper into the seat and started playing with your ring again as she kept driving on, unbothered by your lack of response. You felt like you were thirteen again, back when Sarah and Kiara were your only friends, before the birthday disaster and the whole pogue versus kook feud that got completely out of hand; it felt...nice and you found yourself hoping that the blonde girl would still want to be your friend again, no matter what the others thought about your sudden return. 

"Thank you."

Sarah gave no indication she heard your quiet confession of gratitude but from the way you watched her smile grow out of the corner of your eye, you knew she did. The rest of the drive passed in companionable silence as you retreated into your own thoughts, your nerves getting worse and worse the closer you got to your destination.

You took a deep breath and let it out slowly through your nose, feeling like your heart was trying to beat its way through your rib cage. You hadn't been this anxious in a long, long time, so long you almost forgot how much you hated the tightness in your chest, how your palms would start to sweat, the way you'd chew the inside of your cheek until you tasted blood on your tongue. By the time Sarah pulled into an open spot beside the achingly familiar Volkswagen parked in front of the Chateau, you were surprised you were still able to breathe.

The sight of the tiny house, one you spent so many carefree days and beautiful nights in alongside your friends, standing virtually unchanged in front of you was like a shot to the heart and your hands, curled into fists on your lap, began to shake without warning. Shit, you were a godforsaken mess; how the hell were you supposed to do this without having a mental breakdown?

"I'm so scared."

The whispered words, barely audible over the torrential rain against the roof, slipped from your mouth before you could stop them and Sarah slowly reached one hand over to give your trembling wrist a reassuring squeeze, the corners of her mouth curled upward in a slight smile.

"Don't be. They're gonna be so happy to see you!"

You turned to look at her, eyebrows knit together in disbelief. "How are you so sure they still care about me?"

"I'm sure 'cause I've seen it. My God, if only you could've heard all the times they talked about you -'I wish Y/N was here,' 'remember that time with Y/N,' hell, just straight 'I miss Y/N so fucking much,'" She said bluntly and shifted in the driver's seat to face you head on, smiling wider at the thunderstruck look on your face. "Pretty sure I haven't gone a week without JJ saying that last one at least once." 

"I thought..." You paused, tongue darting out to run over your dry lips as you tried to put your jumbled feelings into words, "I thought he'd hate me -I mean, after all I've done, you think he still..."

"Loves you? Are you kidding?" Her reply was so enthusiastic it was hard not to believe her as she went on, her words like sunshine brightening the darkest corners of your mind. "He's still head over heels, I've never seen him even look at another girl in three damn years. You know he still wears your necklace, the one with the silver star? Kie told me all about it."

"I-I didn't." You remembered giving it to him the day you left, managing a shaky smile through your tears as you carefully clasped it around his neck, your fingers running over his skin as you settled the charm perfectly alongside that little shark tooth you'd grown to love.

('Be careful with this, baby. It's my favorite.' You had said, crying harder when he'd taken off one of his rings and slipped it onto your thumb.

'Well, this one's my favorite so take good care of it, okay?' His voice had been light but his eyes were heavy with unspoken words that you'd heard loud and clear because you knew your gaze said the exact same things.

don't let me go

don't break my heart

don't stop loving me)

You coughed to disguise the fat tears that started rolling down your face, quickly wiping them away with your sleeve but the blonde girl wasn't fooled as she gave your hand another friendly squeeze.

"Come on, they're probably wondering what's taking me so long," She sent a conspiratorial wink your way and grabbed her bag from the center console. "I told them I was picking up some pizzas but I have a funny feeling they won't be too pissed that I lied."

With a desperate grip on the strap of your backpack and your heart racing, you trailed behind Sarah through the rain to the front porch. 

"Ready?" She glanced back where you lingered at the top of the stairs, anxiously shuffling from foot to foot, and shot you a smile that did little to calm your nerves. "Just wait here!"

She knocked on the door before you could reply and yelled loud enough to be heard over the pouring rain, "Hey, it's me! Can somebody get the door? My hands are kinda full."

"Got it!"

Your bag slipped from your fingers and fell onto the porch with a loud thump at the sound of the voice floating through the open windows, a voice you heard nearly every night as you slept, in your dreams of a future you wanted with everything you had. You knew it better than your knew your own, knew every pitch and tone and lilt; quiet and raspy in the mornings when you woke up in each other's arms, loud and carefree during long days spent under the golden sun with the rest of your friends, soft and warm and laid bare at night when he showed how much he loved you with more than just words.

Sarah gave you an enthusiastic thumbs up before stepping to the side just as the door opened and you suddenly found yourself struggling to breathe as you stared into the wide blue eyes of your ex-boyfriend. JJ stared right back, one of the hands you used to hold clenched so tight around the doorknob his knuckles were white, the lips you used to kiss parted in surprise, the blond hair you used to run your fingers through falling onto his forehead like always and the familiar, beautiful sight of him standing close enough to touch made your knees weak.

"You're not pizza."

It was such a JJ thing to say and you didn't know whether to laugh or cry as you swallowed thickly and shook your head. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"I'm not."

"Oh."

Hope flared white hot in your chest at his words but it quickly started to fade, replaced by fear when he made no move toward you, his fingers still gripping tight to the door, and you felt your face start to heat in embarrassment as Sarah looked back and forth between the two of you like she was watching a tennis match. 

God, you were so stupid. What did you expect would happen, showing up out of the blue after over a year of no contact? Everything would fall into place again with just one long, heavy look? Believing it could be that easy turned you into a complete and total fool, tongue-tied and insecure and weak.

"Yo, what's the hold up?" John B's voice asked from inside the house and Sarah leaned down to call through the open window, "Come out here and find out!"

A wave of dizziness hit you like a truck and you took a sudden step back toward the stairs, arms wrapping around your stomach as it twisted itself into knots. "I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have come. This was a mistake." You didn't notice the stricken look that crossed JJ's face or the three familiar, stunned expressions that appeared behind him in the darkened doorway before turning away and stumbling off the porch toward the road, leaving your bag behind and you definitely didn't notice how you barely made it off the bottom stair before a set of footsteps hastily gave chase. 

"It wasn't a mistake, Y/N!" JJ's desperate voice stopped you in your tracks, halfway across the yard with more than just rain running down your face. "Not to me, never to me."

His soft touch on your wrist sent shockwaves through your body and you instantly became putty in his hands, letting him turn you around without a fight to face him, watching in fascination as the downpour started to darken his gray shirt and flatten his hair against his forehead. Three years hadn't changed much about him -he was a little taller, hair a little longer, the muscles in his arms a little more defined- and when you met his wide-eyed gaze, beads of rain dripping from his long eyelashes like diamonds, you wondered if he was thinking about the differences time created between the younger you of the past and the you of the right now, too.

"Oh." You repeated dumbly, struggling for something, anything to say that didn't make you sound like an illiterate fool. Even at nineteen, words still weren't your strong suit so you let your actions speak for you as your hand reached out on its own accord to caress the silver star still clasped around his neck, the thumb still wearing his ring brushing slowly against the dip between his collarbones; he shivered, and you weren't really sure if it was from your touch or the cold. 

"Y/N." JJ said your name like a prayer, like he couldn't believe you were there in front of him, and you inhaled sharply when both of his hands slowly, carefully moved to cup your face, his calloused thumbs habitually wiping the tears from your cheeks over and over, even as more instantly replaced the ones he swept away. "I fucking missed you."

You stood there, looking like a damned drowned rat with your hair dripping into your eyes, shivering in your soaked jeans and Kildare County High School sweatshirt, the love of your life cradling your face so gently in his hands, and so many things you wanted to say flooding your brain but only the one that mattered the most managed to get by your trembling lips.  

"I'm still in love with you." 

You noticed a lot when you put your heart on the line: the steady, soothing sound of water falling through the trees, the bright, clean taste of rain on your tongue, how the sun was just barely starting to peek out from behind the stormy clouds, but they all paled in comparison to the little things you noticed about the boy in front of you; blue irises made even brighter by the red rimming his eyes, how he stepped closer on the wet grass until the tips of his scuffed boots touched your worn gray high tops, the way his hands trembled ever so slightly against your flushed face. 

"Well, it's your lucky day 'cause I'm still in love with you, too."

All of the breath left your lungs in one big rush when JJ smiled hopefully -oh, how you loved everything about that smile: his slightly crooked teeth, that dimple in his cheek, the endearing pink blush swept across his nose- and you felt yourself return it without a second thought, your own hope once again burning bright in your chest.

"Even after...everything?" Your voice shook like the fingers you slid into the hair at his nape and he leaned down to rest his forehead against yours, close enough you could feel his breath on your lips when he spoke.

"I told you I'd always love you, didn't I?"

You nodded, a delicious shiver running down your spine when he tilted his head just so and gently bumped your nose with his. You remembered all the times he did that through the years, a dizzying slideshow of memories that flashed through your mind like lightning, and your fingers wove themselves deeper in his hair. 

"I have so many things to apologize for," You said with a tiny, quiet shake of your head, tearing your eyes away from his in shame and staring over his shoulder toward where the rest of your friends watched from the porch, all crowded together at the top of the stairs with identical enthralled expressions on their faces. "There are so many mistakes I've made and people I've hurt and I have no idea how to even start saying sorry for it all." 

"Babe."

The sound of your old pet name caused your gaze to snap right back to his and your heart felt like it was about to beat right out of your chest when one of his hands trailed down the sensitive skin of your neck and then lower until it traced along the curve of your hip and left a line of fire in its wake.

"We'll figure that out later, okay?" JJ said as his fingers tucked a loose strand of wet hair behind your ear, a coy, ardent grin on his face. "'Cause I've been waiting three years to kiss you again and if I don't get to do it soon, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."

You smiled -a wide, joyful, elated smile- and rose up on your tiptoes in anticipation. "Then kiss me." 

You didn't have to tell him twice. His lips pressed against yours desperately, like he needed you to breathe, like you were the very air in his lungs, religiously, like your mouth was the altar and he was there to worship as he pulled you close, the fingers of one hand tangling in your hair while the others dug into your hip. You kissed him back just as hard and the familiar taste of him on your tongue -mint, smoke, salt- sent that dearly missed spark racing through your veins like wildfire.

It was a little cliché, having your long-awaited reunion kiss in the rain but it was honest and candid and real and so much better than anything you could've dreamed. You lost yourself in his touch like you used to, clinging to him like a lifeline and pouring your whole heart into every fierce brush of your lips against his, both of you pulling away for a moment only to dive right back in each time. It was addictive, intoxicating, and you could've spent the rest of your life standing there in the middle of the yard and kissing like there was no tomorrow if a loud, ear-piercing wolf whistle hadn't come from the direction of the porch.

The two of you broke apart just barely, with foreheads still pressed together and swollen lips, and you couldn't stop yourself from giggling when JJ blindly flipped the bird over his shoulder before pulling you back in for another eager kiss that filled your whole body with an exhilarating, heavenly heat that never faded, even after four enthusiastic voices suddenly surrounded you like an excited swarm of nosy, buzzing bees.

"You aren't the only one who missed her, J." Kiara said, smiling widely as you reached out to grab her hand and pull her into a powerful one-armed hug, her chin resting on your shoulder.

"Yeah, stop hogging all the love!" John B added, throwing himself into the pile along with Pope, who slung an arm around your shoulders as he said, "Great to have you back, Y/N."

Sarah was the last to join and she quietly tucked herself under John B's arm with a pleased grin on her face, nodding when you mouthed 'thank you' in her direction. The six of you stood there in the rain, smiling like fools, and as the sun started to scare away the dark clouds overhead and in your heart, a weight you didn't even realize had been crushing your chest slowly began to lift away with each freeing breath. 

You still had a lot of work to do: wrongs to be righted, apologies to be made, explanations -not excuses- to be given for every shitty thing you did in your past. But as happy tears started streaming down your face once again and you felt the arms of the friends you’d thought were lost to you forever tighten around you at the sight, you knew in your bones all would be forgiven. You knew that after three long years, you'd finally come home.

-

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[shawnssongs]

Better [2]

JJ can’t help but fall for his best friend, but what about the rule? Pogues don’t mack on other pogues. He thinks she deserves better than him anyway...

word count: 3,141 warnings: language, plus it’s unedited... think that’s it.

catch up with PART 1 or check out my masterlist here!

“Why’d you take a shower?” John B asked you as you made your way down to Heywards to pick up Pope. John B said Pope needed to finish up a few chores before his dad would let him come.

“Uh, I mean you were gone and I just felt like it. I’m sorry if I wa-”

John B just laughed at your nerves. “It’s okay, Y/n. You can take one whenever. I was just wondering.”

“Oh, okay.”

John B steered the boat carefully, and you made the mistake of looking at JJ. He was staring right back at you with an amused smirk on his face.

You just roll your eyes and give him a light kick to the calf.

When you made it to the dock, Pope wasn’t outside.

“Pope!” JJ yelled. “C’mon man!”

When he didn’t come out, John B stood up. “I got him. Be right back.”

When John B was out of sight, you turned to JJ.

“So...”

“So what?” He asked just to annoy you. He knew what you wanted to talk about.

“What was that?”

JJ could tell you were being serious, so he stopped joking around. “I think it was two people doing something really fucking stupid.”

Ouch.

“But...” he continued. “I think, no matter how stupid, those two should probably keep doing it.”

You raised your eyebrows at him. JJ hated feeling vulnerable, so he always spoke in code like that to mask his true feelings, but that wasn’t good enough for you right now. He needed to be just a bit vulnerable right now.

“What do you mean, JJ?”

“I mean...” He trailed off, trying to come up with his next words. “I kind of want to redeem myself.”

You just scoff and shake your head.

“Y/n, wait! No. Tha-That’s not what I meant. You know it’s not.”

“Then tell me! What exactly do you want this to be? We’ve been dancing around each other for months, and I’m tired of guessing.”

His blue eyes stare into yours, and he speaks slowly and clearly. “I want you. I want you, and only you.”

You couldn’t help the small smile that started to form on your face. “You do?”

“I do.”

“That wasn’t just a one time thing?”

“I told you. I need to redeem myself.” JJ joked, earning a punch in the arm which had you both laughing. “I’m serious, though.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Kiss me.”

JJ obliges, and he kisses you as you feel his hand come up to cup your jaw.

You pull away after a bit, another question on your mind.

“Just between us?”

JJ nodded. “No pogue on pogue macking, right?” You nod. “If the other pogues don’t know, it doesn’t count.”

“Got him!” You hear John B yell, him and Pope walking towards the dock.

“What took so long?” JJ asked, scooting away from you a bit.

“My dad made John B helps us put some stuff away first.”

The four of you just bantered until you made it to your next stop to pick up Kiara. While you’d probably say JJ was your true best friend, Kiara was a close second. You could talk to her about stuff you couldn’t talk to the guys about. Not to mention, the two of you just liked having the company of another girl sometimes. The boys could be a little much...

“Hi guys!” She greeted, cooler in hand as usual.

“You’re a lifesaver, Kie.” You complimented as JJ helped her onto the boat.

“You guys really only like me for my beer, huh?” She asked and you all agreed, joking, of course.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” She asked.

Pope answered for you all. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Water’s too calm to surf,” JJ explained.

“And the fishing’s been shit recently,” John B finished for him.

“Let’s just get out there and swim,” you suggested. “It’s too fucking hot to do anything else.”

The summer sun was beating down on you, and you wanted nothing more than to stick your head in Kie’s cooler. Of course, you could take your shirt off, but none of the guys had even done that yet, and you were not going to be the first.

After a while, you all found a place to anchor the boat. Since you’d already finished your beer, you were the first one to rip off your clothes and jump into the water.

“Oh my god,” you practically moaned. “This feels so nice.”

Soon, everyone had jumped in, and your nice calm swim turned into a wrestling match. Pope was splashing everyone, and JJ kept grabbing you and trying to flip you over him.

After a while, you noticed the five of you had gotten pretty far from the boat, pushed back by the waves.

“Wanna go back?” You asked the group, and they all agreed.

“Let’s race.” Kie suggested.

You were always up for a race. You used to be on the swim team until it had gotten too expensive to be a part of, so you pretty much always won.

“3...” John B started. “2...”

JJ started swimming before he hit one and the rest of you took off. You grabbed JJ’s calf, pulling him backwards and stopping his forward motion.

“Hey!” He complained.

“Cheater!” You yelled back and swam forward. You knew he couldn’t catch you.

As usual, you reached the boat first. John B was next, then Kie, then Pope, and finally JJ. He seemed to have given up and slowed down towards the end.

“That wasn’t fair. Y/n pulled me back.” He pouted.

“You went before one!” Pope argued back.

“Yeah, JJ. You get what you get.”

“It’s okay.” You spoke up. “JJ just felt the need to cheat since we all know he has endurance issues.”

The four of you laughed as JJ’s face blushed red. He sent you a glare, mouthing ‘you’ll pay for that’ while the others were too distracted by their own laughter.

For another couple of hours, thd five of you just hung out on the boat, laying flat on your backs to dry off and soak up the sun, which had gotten a little more tolerable as the day went on.

“So what do you guys want to do with your lives?” Kie asked, a little buzzed from the mix of beer and weed.

“I want to go to school for forens-” Pope started to speak but you all cut him off.

“We know!”

“But I’m serious,” Kie continued. “Y/n, what are you going to do when we’re out of high school?”

“Um,” you thought about it for a second, handing the half smoked joint of to JJ who was right next to you. “I mean I want to go to college. Maybe animal sciences, environmental science. I don’t know.”

“Besides school.” Kie prodded.

“I mean I want to get married. Have kids...”

You didn’t know it, but JJ’s heart was racing next to you.

“John B?” Kie finally moved on, but JJ tuned out.

You wanted to go to college. You wanted a family. He could never give you what you wanted. He couldn’t be what you deserved. You needed someone *better*. But it was okay. You guys were still in high school, right? JJ could be a little selfish if he wanted to, and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

“JJ?” He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his name.

“Huh?”

“What about you?” Kie asked, and JJ swore he could feel your eyes turn to watch him.

“Uh, I don’t know, man. Just living day by day, I guess.” It wasn’t a lie, and it was better than saying it didn’t matter what he wanted because there was no way he was ever getting out of the outer banks. He was stuck here, just like his dad.

“Holt shit!” John B laughed, sitting up from his spot on the boat. “Y/n, did you forget sunscreen?”

The rest of you sit up as well, all eyes on your reddened body.

“Oh my god! No!”

JJ placed a finger on your stomach and you slapped his hand away.

“Shit!” He laughed at the white mark left where his finger had been.

“I put on sunscreen this morning!”

“And then you took a shower...” John B reminded you.

“Ughhh.” You groan, falling back against the boat.

“Guess that means it’s probably time to head home, huh?” Kie suggested, and the rest of you agreed. You were going to have a hell of a time dealing with this sunburn. At least it wasn’t your back.

You dropped Kie off first, as usual, but she promised she’d come to your place tomorrow morning with some aloe for you. You had the cheap gel, but she had access to the real stuff, and you weren’t going to turn that down.

Pope was next, and he made sure to give you a hug before getting off the boat. It was a normal occurrence so you didn’t think anything of it, but just as you felt his skin come into contact with yours and heard the laughing of the three boys, you shrieked and pulled away from him.

“Damn it, Pope! Get out of here!”

“JJ told me to do it.” Pope explained.

“Fuck you!” You yell at your blonde best friend.

“Oh you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

You just ignore him, not giving him the satisfaction of a response and turn back to Pope who was now on the dock.

“For such a smart guy, I’m surprised you haven’t learned not to listen to JJ.”

You heard John B and JJ laughing behind you as you watched Pope struggle to come up with a response. He ended up giving up, walking away without another word.

Just as John B pulled away from the dock, you felt a stinging sensation on your stomach, and of course, it was JJ, wrapping just arms around you from behind.

“Fuck off, JJ! This isn’t funny!”

“It’s a little funny.” John B cuts in.

“It actually hurts though.”

While you were talking, JJ decided to light another joint. He knew weed wasn’t a painkiller, obviously, but he was sure it would keep your mind off the burn. Plus, he took every chance he could to smoke, especially with you.

“John B?” You start, taking a hit from the joint before continuing. “Can I borrow some sweats and a long sleeve or something when we get back to your place? I don’t really want to walk back home in the sun.”

“No.”

“What?”

John B chuckled. “I mean yes and no. You can borrow clothes if you want but you don’t have to. I’ll drive you back.”

“What?” You ask. “No, John B. Don’t waste your gas. I can walk home. I do it all the time.”

“I’m driving you back home, Y/n. That’s final.”

You rolled your eyes because the boys always seem to treat you like their little sister, but you were secretly kind of glad they took such good care of you.

When the pogue was successfully docked outside of the Chateau, John B made his way inside, but you and JJ stayed out on the boat to finish the joint. No reason to waste it, right?

“C’mere.” JJ spoke softly before lifting the blunt to his mouth.

You leaned in, sure of what he was about to do.

And just as expected, he held the smoke in, releasing it into your mouth as you pressed your lips together. JJ watched in awe as you let the second hand smoke out in rings, so expertly.

“I love when you do that,” he admitted.

“Yeah?” You smirk at him.

“Don’t let it go to your head.”

Before you could respond, he leaned in for another kiss. You felt his tongue on your lower lip, and you allowed him entrance to your mouth, tangling your tongues together. The kiss grew more and more heated by the second, all until JJ’s hand found your waist and gripped harshly.

“Ow!” You screeched. “JJ!” You push him off of you, looking down at the white mark left on your skin from where his palm covered your burn.

“Oh shit. Fuck, Y/n I-”

“You okay, Y/n?” You hear John B call from the Chateau.

“Yeah!” You yell back to him, deciding to get out of the boat. The longer you stayed out there with JJ, first of all, you were probably getting even more burnt than you already were, but second of all, the more likely you were to get caught. It seemed like John B already had a suspicion, and you weren’t going to make it easy for him to confirm it.

You head into the chateau, your discarded clothes in hand because you really didn’t feel like putting clothes back on over your burn.

“Shit, Y/n. You’re as red as a lobster.”

“Thanks for pointing that out, John B,” you tease, “I had no idea.” To be honest, the color did look even worse now that you were inside. And of course, it was only the front of your body. This burn was going to screw up your tan lines all summer.

“You can grab some clothes from my room if you want ‘em. You know where they are.”

“Thanks, JB. And I’m sorry to ask this, but-”

John B nodded before you even got the chance to ask. “Yes, you can take another shower.”

“Thank you, you’re the best!” You kiss him on the cheek, just as JJ comes through the front door.

When they finally hear the shower start, John B decides to have a little fun with JJ. He could tell something was going on between the two of you, but he knew neither of you would admit it. You just happened to be great at keeping secrets, and sometimes you were an almost scarily good actor. And JJ, he was pretty see through, but like he always said, ‘deny deny deny.’ Even when people could tell something was up with him, he never broke. Though, John B was pretty sure he knew how to get him to admit it this time.

“JJ, can I ask you something?”

“Uh, yeah?” JJ sat down on the couch, trying not to think about what happened there just this morning.

“What do you think about Y/n?” John B sat down next to JJ, looking inquisitive.

“W-what do you mean?” JJ asked, uncomfortable.

“Like, what do you think about her? Would you date her?” John B was trying to hard not to laugh at JJ’s expression.

JJ knew John B would think something was up if he acted awkward about this, so he answered like he figured he probably would have a couple months before.

“I think she’s fuckin’ hot as hell. Confident, funny, smart. Did you know she gets straight A’s?”

“I did.” John B nodded.

“I mean yeah, I’d hookup with her. But pogues don’t mack on pogues, right?” JJ smiled, thinking he’d been pretty convincing.

John B nodded, still acting contemplative. “But you wouldn’t date her?”

JJ struggled to come up with an answer for that one. “I mean, you know I don’t really date... not my thing.”

“But do you think she’s date worthy? Girlfriend material?”

“What are you getting at?” JJ finally asked, annoyed with all of John B’s prodding.

“I want to ask her out.”

Well that wasn’t where JJ was expecting that conversation to go. He choked, but tried to mask it by clearing his throat.

“What?” He turned to face his tanned friend.

“I know the rule but, I mean, she’s kind of perfect.”

“Since when have you been interested in her?” JJ got defensive.

“I don’t know. A while?” John B hadn’t thought that far into the lie. “But what do you think? Should I ask her out?”

No, you shouldn’t, asshole. “I don’t think so, JB. The ru-”

“Fuck the rule!”

“Still no.” JJ answered, and John B knew he was finally getting somewhere. “I don’t think she’d be interested in you.”

“Well, I think she would be. Sends me signals all the time.” John B was lying. You and him were great friends, but you both knew that was it. Nothing more would ever come of it. He saw you like a sister and you saw him like a brother. JJ didn’t need to know that though. “I mean she takes my clothes all the time. She’s always kissing me on the cheek. She always sits next to me when we’re watching movies... leaning into me.”

“Alright, stop, okay?” JJ was fed up. “Y/n wouldn’t date you because she’s seeing someone.”

“What?” John B acted surprised.

JJ just kept going with the lie. “Yeah, she’s keeping it a secret.”

“But she told you?” John B raised his eyebrows.

“Of course she told me. She tells me everything.”

“If she was in a relationship, why would she tell you and not Kie?”

JJ didn’t have an answer for that one. He was right. If you were in a relationship, Kie would be the first person you’d go to. “I don’t know. She just did.”

“Who is it, JJ?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“JJ, just tell me who it is.”

“No!”

“Fine, I’ll go ask her.” John B stormed off to the bathroom door and JJ ran after him.

“Fine!” JJ cracked, gripping John B’s arm which was about to knock. “Get away from the door.”

John B backed up, and JJ released his hand.

“You can’t tell her you know.”

“Know what?” John B wasn’t going to stop until JJ admitted it. He mostly just wanted to see JJ day he was dating someone.

“It’s me. Y/n and I... we’re together.”

John B just smiled and laughed.

“Wh-”

“That took way longer than I expected,” John B admitted.

“You knew?” JJ looked at his friend in disbelief.

“Of course I knew. Been expecting it for months. Then this morning, the sex smell, the shower, Y/n acting so weird. I knew. I just needed you to confirm it.” John B was smiling, extremely proud of himself.

“First of all, you’re an asshole, John B. And second of all, don’t tell anyone.” JJ raised his finger to John B as if he was threatening him.

“I won’t.”

“Not Kie, not Pope, not Y/n. This stays between us, alright?”

John B hit JJ’s hand away from him. “I get it, JJ. You know they’re going to figure it out though, right?”

The water in the bathroom stopped, and they knew you’d be out any second.

“Not a word,” JJ warned, going to sit back down on the couch.

John B put his hands up in surrender and stalked back to his room.

sorry, this was kind of a filler chapter. hopefully you enjoyed! I promise it’ll get better.

Part 3? Please send feedback!

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[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

For Once In My Life

Hailey is keeping one life changing secret from Jay.

It's just fluffy upstead.

Hailey was so angry with herself...with the world. She couldn’t seem to catch a break, things were finally going good and she’d called it, she said to Jay only two weeks ago that things were too good. He’d laughed it off, telling her that thing just got better with time, refusing to believe a bomb was waiting for them but right now as Hailey stared down at the stupid plastic stick in the sink she knows she was right and he was wrong as usual.

“Hailey, are you ready to go?” She heard Jay knock against the bathroom door as he passed by, heading towards the stairs. She sighed clutching the plastic, making sure she was definitely reading it right. These things could be false right? “Hailey?” Jay's voice pulls her from thoughts again.

“I’m coming giving me one sec,” she yells back hoping he couldn’t hear the slight tremble in her voice as she opened the cabinet in front of her shoving the test behind a box of tampons as she quickly splashed some cold water on her face. Come on Upton get it together.

“You good?” Jay mumbled as she reached the bottom of the stairs where he was putting his boots on.

“Yeah...fine, let’s go before we’re late.” Hailey forces a smile on her face, not giving Jay a chance to respond as she heads for the door, she knew the longer she was around Jay the quicker he would pick up on her obvious angst.

They drove to work in silence which wasn’t uncommon for them, she was lucky to be with someone who she felt completely comfortable around, she could enjoy the quiet moments just as much as their usual banter.

Hailey jumped slightly when she felt his warm hand wrap around hers on the console, intertwining the fingers.  He flashed her his warm signature grin before turning back to the road, making the butterflies stir in her stomach. He had no idea the noise going on her mind, the thoughts racing around in her head.

It wasn’t the right time. She wasn’t ready. she wasn’t ready in her career to take the time out she had imagined she would when she finally started a family. She hadn’t even really spent the time considering if that’s what she wanted if that’s what Jay wanted. They’d been living together for three months, she thinks in all the time she’d known him, Jay, he’d maybe mused the idea of a family like once or twice. It wasn’t the right time but there was this small part of they kept reminding her there was never a right time and maybe her Jay hadn't been together that long and maybe they'd never properly discussed kids but she sure as hell knew she'd never felt love like this before so how could a baby made from the love possibly be an inconvenience.

“You good?... You were a little quiet this morning. Are you still feeling a little sick?” He mumbles as they pull up at a stoplight, his thumb brushing across the back of her hand. It takes everything in Hailey not to just blurt it out right there, knowing everything is better with Jay when they just talk through it. That’s what worked between them, talking even when it was hard, even when they could think of nothing worse. They were always better when they faced things together.

That’s why the words were at the tip of her tongue when his phone rang out, Ruzek's name lighting up Jay's phone as they untangled their hands, Hailey grabbing it for him. They have a case and thank the god she doesn't believe in for the distraction.

She stared down at the info Kim had sent through as Jay does a sharp turn towards the crime scene, the team were already on the scene waiting for them but Hailey's mind was whirling with Kim’s pregnancy a couple of years ago, she’d have to stop working pretty much immediately, even if Voight didn’t immediately bench her Jay would never let her out of his sight and definitely nowhere near a crime scene.

She should tell him, she should just say it. She should just rip off the band-aid before they're wrapped up in a case, running headfirst into danger.

Luckily for Hailey the crime scene is already under control when they get there, though she’d definitely turned heads when she’s stopped to retch on the side of the street, she’d heard sniggers from the uniforms clearly assuming she couldn’t stomach the scene.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” Jay grumbles rubbing her back softly, they tried to keep any affection towards each other to a minimum while working, they wanted to prove nothing could get in the way of their work but clearly watching your other half attempt to throw up on the side of the street trumped any professional boundary.

Hailey shrugs, standing up and straightening out her shirt. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, Hailey...do you honestly think I can’t see right through you.”

“I...er.”

Jay rolls his eyes, glancing around quickly to see who was watching as drops his hands to her waist. “It’s fine if you don’t wanna talk about it yet.”

“I...can we do this at home?” Hailey shrinks away from him, brushing his hands off as she takes a few steps back.

“Sure…” Jay nods, she could tell from the look on his face he wasn’t quite ready to give it up but as he hears Kim call out for their attention he has no choice but to let it go for now.

Hailey spends the rest of the morning at her desk trying to focus on the case at hand but every so often she’d find herself drifting off, little images of the baby half her half Jay filling her mind. She had to be sure. If she was gonna tell Jay. If they were gonna make any sort of decision. She had to be sure before she set off a bomb.

Grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair she heads towards Voight's office ignoring the way Jay's eyebrows knit together as he watches her curiously.

“Come in…”

Voight waves her in as he looks up from the paperwork scattered around his desk. He frowns as he watches her expectantly waiting for her to speak.

“I need the afternoon…” Hailey mutters quietly as she meets Voight's eye, hoping he wouldn’t press her on the subject. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

He raises his eyebrows at her contemplating her request for a moment as he fiddles his pen between his fingers. “Sure go do what you gotta do…”

Hailey nods, muttering her thanks as she begins to back out of the room. “Hailey.” Just as her hand reaches the doorknob he starts to talk again. “Everything good?”

Hailey glances through the glass looking out at Jay who seemed to be squinting at the screen as Kevin leaned over his desk both deep in discussion. He was a good man...he made mistakes. I mean they both did but he was good, he was loyal and he was funny and he would make the most amazing dad...if that’s what he wanted, all she knew is the longer she thought about it the more she wanted it.

“Yeah...yeah, I think it’s all gonna be good.”

Confirming it had been harder than expected, cringing as Jay's smiling face lit up her phone once again, he’d called pretty consistently since she’d sneaked away earlier today. She should’ve gone to Lakeshore...why had she come to Med knowing Will was slinking around the halls? At any moment he could appear and patient confidentiality be damned Jay would be here in a heartbeat.

“Have you got it? Do you have the results?” Hailey yelped the second Natalie came back into sight. Squirming uncomfortably on the hospital bed she’d been forced to sit in for the blood draw.

Nat laughs, shaking her head as she slips into the room, pulling the curtain back as quickly as possible. “Jesus Hailey...you know most people don’t get their labs rushed through as fast as you do.”

“Nat…” Hailey deadpans.

“Congratulations Hailey...looks like there’s a baby Halstead on the way.”

“Oh god…” Hailey cries dropping her face into her hands, a small part of her thought maybe she'd been wrong, but now she really was pregnant, a tiny part of her and Jay was growing inside her and suddenly her whole world had changed.

“Were you guys trying?”

“No...no we were doing the opposite of trying. Well, not the opposite actually...more like a lot of trying…”

“Hailey calm down” Natalie comes to stand in front of her, wrapping her arms around Hailey who wasn’t usually one for hugs but right now that seemed to have gone out the window. “I’ve never seen you this worked up, you’re usually so calm and collected.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Hailey cried, mumbling into Nat's shoulder.

“The hormones no doubt, I remember them well, and from the looks of it, you are already about nine weeks along. I'm surprised it took you so long to figure it out, detective.” Natalie smirks as she pulls back, pulling up the results on the tablet for Hailey to look at, she didn’t really understand any of it but she appreciated it nonetheless.

“Sometimes I miss my periods...the stress at work...I just figured.” Hailey shrugs, her heart thumping hard in her chest as it all suddenly felt so much more real than this morning. “Oh god, I’ve got to tell Jay.”

“Oh that you do, I’ll pray for the world another Halstead is on its way.”

-

“Jay…” Hailey calls out as she shrugs her jacket off, kicking her boots to the side as she enters their home.

“Hey, where have you been?” She hears him before she sees him, standing at the stove, stirring a pot of pasta and she had to resist the urge to snap a photo because even though they’d been together a while now it still amazed her anytime she saw Jay Halstead doing anything remotely domestic.

“I text to say I had something to do,” Hailey mutters wrapping her arms around him from behind, leaning her head against his back.

“Something is pretty vague babe.” She feels him wrap one arm around hers, lifting her hand slowly to press a kiss against it, she knows she’s about to change his world but he has no idea how every small thing he does settles her nerves and makes her feel safe and loved and protected. “Hailey it’s me whatever is bothering you-”

“-I’m pregnant.” She blurts out, her eyes squeezing shut as she cuts him off, the words were out of her mouth before she had a chance to know what she was doing.

“What?” Jay exclaimed, unwrapping her arms from him as he turned around, pushing her back lightly, his eyes searching hers.

“I’m sorry...I’m so sorry” Hailey begins to cry, huge tears welling in her eyes as she looks at his face. “I had this whole speech planned out, I was gonna tell you how in love with you I am and how great you are at taking care of the people you love and what an amazing dad you’d be and I’ve ruined it.” She groans as the tears begin to flow down her face.

“Hey hey hey, Hailey come here...don’t cry, babe.” Jay shushed her gently wrapping his arms back around her, pulling her in so his chin was resting against the top of her head.

He slowly guides them over to the sofa as Hailey tries to speak but it all sounds like a blur of apologies and hiccups to Jay. “You haven’t ruined anything.” He mumbles, rubbing her back softly as he pulls her down onto his lap, brushing the mess of blonde hair out of her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “You’re pregnant?” He whispers eyes wide as she looks up at him, taking deep shaky breaths as she tries to calm herself. This was so un Hailey like, she wasn’t a huge crier at all.

“I’m pregnant.” She nods, her fingers dancing dangerously close to her abdomen as she speaks.

Jay stared at her for a moment, his eyes flicking between her face and stomach in disbelief as he tried to process the news. “We’re having a baby.”

“Yeah...is that okay?”

Hailey bites her lip, watching as Jays breaks into a huge grin that lights up his whole face, instantly squashing all her fears with one smile. “Hailey, that's more than okay. We’re gonna have a baby...there’s a baby in there right now.” He mutters, his own eyes welling with tears, as he places his large hand over her still flat stomach.

“But our job and we’ve only just moved and…”

“Hey, none of that matters as long as you’re happy...are you happy?” Jay asks, shifting back on the sofa, pulling her impossibly closer, one hand coming up to cup her face.

Hailey nods biting her lip gently, her eyes sparkling with happiness that makes Jay's heart soar. “It’s all I’ve been thinking about all day and I think I am...I really am happy.”

“Even to be on desk duty?”

“Are you kidding me?” Hailey exclaims wrapping her arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as he begins to press light kisses along her collar bone. “Platt is like my icon...she's terrifying but totally my icon...maybe they’ll let me shadow her.”

She squirms in his lap, as he reaches her pulse point sucking lightly, knowing how much she enjoys it when he does. His grip tightening on her hips. This is why they’d managed to make a baby without even trying because she was putty in his hands, she had no willpower when his lips were on her.

“So that’s what had that lost look on your face all day...and you’re disappearing act earlier?”

“I had Nat confirm it at Med.” She nods, pushing him away lightly before they get so carried away she forgets what’s she’s trying to say. Slowly she pulls out the black and white photo Nat had given her. After they’d got her blood results back Nat had insisted they have an ultrasound to really see the baby.

“Wow…” Jay's mouth drops as Hailey laughs softly rubbing her thumb across his lip as she helps him shut it, leaning in so they can both examine the photo, a tiny black and white blob already so loved.  “Look at that.”

“Definitely a Halstead look at the size of that head.”

“Hey…” Jay shakes his head, rolling his eyes at the way Hailey smirks. “My head isn’t that big.” He pouts.

“Your head is perfect… I love you, Jay.” She whispers, taking his face in her hands as she pulls him in, her lips finally finding their home on his.

“I love you too...and I love you, little man.” Jay grins pulling away as he places his hand back over her stomach.

“Who said it was a boy?” Hailey mutters, placing her hand on top of his, all the worries of her day finally fading away, she had everything she needed right here, her tiny little family.

“I sure hope he is...man am I in trouble if it’s a little girl...hmm if we have another tiny Hailey in the house I don’t stand a chance.”

Thankyou so much for reading, leave a comment and a prompt if you feel like it. It's my first time writing for Upstead so please leave some feedback.

It's just a short drabble but I hope you like it.

Also please check out my other socials twitter and insta @oddbirdsandbooksellers for more upstead edits

#upstead #upstead fanfiction #upstead fanfic #upstead fic #hailey upton #jay halstead #chicago pd #chicago pd fic #one chicago

[softboywriting]

Speak

Summary: Finding your soulmate isn’t always as fairytale like as one might hope for. [werewolf story]

Word count: 1.7k

|Masterlist in Bio|

In a world where you meet your soulmate when the phrase that comes to you in dreams is spoken to you, one might think finding your soulmate would be easy. For some it's as simple as a meeting In a cafe, or bumping into someone at the market. So being tackled to the ground and screaming as sticks, rocks and dirt grind into your back isn't how you planned on meeting your soulmate. Actually at the time you had no idea that's what had happened, but how could you, you hadn't heard them speak.

It all started when you went for a walk in the woods behind your house. The area isn't the best and it's known for feral and rouge werewolf activity. Yet you still chose to go out in the late evening for some fresh air after a shit day at work. Of course you have no luck, or perhaps the best luck in the end, but at the time it was the worst. You heard the growling before you saw it, a massive wolf in trees ahead of you. The plan was to turn around quietly and make a run for your yard. Plans never work out do they?

Before you knew it the wolf was blindsiding you, knocking you to the ground. You slid, shirt bunching up and exposing your skin to the coarse dirt and rocks on the path way. It snapped at you, teeth bared as if you were a threat. Instinctively you grasped for a handful of sticks and grass and threw it in defense. It’s side was covered in blood. You remember what you yelled, because it's all you could manage to get out. "Fuck off!" You shouted it as loud as you could. It wasn't as if you had never dealt with wolves before, you grew up with two brothers who could shift and we're just about as large as this one. The fear still struck you hard though, just as the wolf did with a bite to your forearm as you blocked it from going to your face.

You don't know what made it retreat but just as soon as it closed it's jaws around your arm, it was backing away and running down the path. You were left alone, injured, bleeding and scared in the darkening trees.

You made it home and cleaned up, but there was no hiding it from your Dad who would be visiting the next day. As soon as he saw your bandaged arm he decided he had enough of the feral werewolves. You begged him not to do something, not to go out there lest he get hurt himself, but he was stubborn. A human man who doesn't understand.

So here you are in the woods once more, this time you're looking for the wolf that attacked you. You're not angry or upset, you want answers. Even feral werewolves don't attack with no reason. Usually they're scared, hurt or starving. It's crazy. You should just stay home and rest but you cannot let your Dad go after this wolf. You just can't.

Ten minutes turns into half an hour and just when you're about to give up you see the wolf laying in the brush around some fallen trees. It's hurt, bloody fur on its side is a dead giveaway and you put your hands out to it. "I promise I won't hurt you."

It growls. Judging by its size, it's a male.

"My dad is out here and he wants to kill you for this." You raise your arm. "But I know you didn't mean it. I know something else was going on and it was a mistake. I want to help."

The wolf raises itself up and snarls.

"Please? I can help." You step back and it steps forward. "Just follow."

You walk toward the house, avoiding the path wherever possible. Behind you the wolf follows, twigs snapping under his weight. Twice you hear your dad's voice and you have to stop and plead with the wolf to stay quiet.

With much effort you get the wolf into your house and to your bedroom. The plan is to assess it's wounds but that doesn't happen. The moment you close your door and turn around there is no longer a wolf in your room, but a tall very naked man.

"Oh, I didn't think-"

He collapses on the floor with a loud thud. Your heart sinks and you have a moment of panic. What do you do? How do you move him? Is he dead? You kneel down, grabbing a blanket off the bed and covering him. He's breathing. His side is bright pink with scar tissue from what looks like a bite.

"What happened?" You mumble and sit back. Now what do you do? You went through all this trouble to get this wolf here and save him from your dad and now what? Do you let him sleep until he wakes up and then does he leave? You hold your head and sigh heavily. This isn't your brightest idea but somehow you can't help but be concerned for him.

Sometime after midnight you wake up to coughing. It's the man, he's sitting up, arm across his stomach as he coughs violently. He makes a noise of protest and pain after each one. It must hurt so badly.

"Can you stand?" You ask, walking around in front of him.

He looks up at you and your heart skips. His eyes are so beautiful, deep brown and full of need.

"Can you speak?" You take his hand he offers for you to help him up.

He shakes his head.

"Oh." You sigh. So much for finding out more about him. "Does your throat hurt?"

He nods.

"Growling? Whimpering?"

A shake of the head.

You support him as you head to the door of your bathroom. "Haven't used it in so long?"

He nods.

"That's okay." You lower him onto the side of the tub. He grabs your injured arm and you freeze. "It's okay, I'm not mad about it."

He looks hurt.

"You were scared and hurt. I wish I knew what happened."

He looks down at his side and touches it, shaking his head.

You turn on the water and he looks back. "If you're going to stay, you're going to wash up. I know you're not a stray puppy and you don't even know me but-"

His hand closes over yours on the side of the tub and he turns your palm over. He traces letters into your palm. THANK YOU.

"You're welcome. I guess I just couldn't let something happen to you. My dad is hell bent on killing you for attacking me. He doesn't understand that there are plenty of reasons why you may have done it."

He traces the word HUMAN?

You nod. "Yeah, my mom is a werewolf and my half brother's are too. They moved away from town. It's just me and Dad now." You move your hand away from his and grab your shampoo. "Want me to wash your hair or can you do it?"

He points to you and the gestures to his wounded side.

Bathing a complete stranger should be far more surreal than it feels. Somehow you feel like you've known him forever, but you don't even know his name. Should you ask?  Is it too late? Does he not want to share it? You pause and he cranes his head back and reaches up to touch your face with his soapy hands.

"What?" You laugh and he just smiles really big, his wolfy teeth on full display. "I wish you could talk."

He sinks down into the water and you stand up to get a towel. You set out a shirt and some shorts that you had laying around from a friend who stayed over a while back.

"I'll leave you alone now." You say as you close the door behind you.

You fall asleep before he comes back out, waking only briefly as the bed shifts. You wonder if he's laying down or sitting beside you. It's too hard to wake up and find out and you roll over and go back to sleep.

When you wake again the room is dimly lit by the morning sky. You're laying face to face with him and his eyes open. He smiles softly, and you smile back.

"Hi, I'm Shawn." He whispers in the most strained voice you've ever heard.

Your heart stops because it's then you realize he is your soulmate. Those are the words you've waited to hear for years now. You suspected that it may be him since you were so drawn to him but this is confirmation. "Hi Shawn." You can't help the excited giggle that comes out of you.

"It's been a long time coming." He pauses to collect himself and force his voice to come out again. "I almost lost myself in the shift."

"It has been too long." You touch his nose and he closes his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek. Your heart aches seeing him cry but you know it's relief. It's peace. It's joy and freedom from losing himself. "Good thing I came back for you." You wipe his face with your thumb.

“I’m sorry about your arm. I thought you were the wolf that had attacked me.” He touches his side.

“I knew it was a mistake.”

"Mmm. I can't believe it's you though."

"I could say the same. What were my first words for you?"

Shawn laughs and winces, gritting his teeth as the action strains his healing body. "I believe the words were 'Fuck off'. Makes sense now, how we met and all."

"Oh god, that is horrible. You must have thought I would reject you or something." You put your hand over his on the pillow. "Sorry it was so harsh, but you did try to snap at me."

"It's okay. I reacted too quickly." He coughs a bit, covering his mouth with the pillow. "But I have to know, you’re not rejecting me, so can I stay?"

You lean forward and touch your forehead to his. "Until the stars burn out."

--------

*****Note: none of my works should be posted anywhere outside of my linked accounts. I do not give permission to repost with or without credit to my accounts. Please notify me of any reposted fics.*****

#stories #werewolf au

[sugar-petals]

Can u introduce yuzuru to us the caro way?👀

so you want to know about the one and only. ♡😌

yuzuru hanyū (25) of sendai, japan: the most beautiful ice prince with a heart of gold.

….an artist clearly not of this world, he’s been sent to us from another realm. 19 world records, two olympics won, dubbed the greatest figure skater of all time. and the most precious bean on top of that.

but let’s start from the beginning, shall we ♥︎

so, want to spot yuzu on the ice? use this checklist. slender silhouette, an even slimmer waist, feather-like outfits (he sketches those himself; the fandom lovingly calls him swanyu), soft blushy face. he has great androgyny.

outside of performances, you see him either with a deer’s gaze or the brightest, biggest eye smile. also, he’s usually found sitting with his wife: 

which is the ice 😄 these two are together forever. you can discern yuzu from a mile away by how he treats his working ground. 

there is a purity to him. you’d not guess that this is one of the most ardent athletes if you didn’t see what’s around his neck after competitions. the guy’s cuteness is as compelling as his skating technique.

look for it: yuzu’s face is super suave and rosy up close, even after his most energetic performances. some men are handsome, others pretty, he is both. 

even acoustically, he’s hard to miss. applause is all around, and he’s highly expressive. if you see a crying young man getting the high score, that’s yuzuru hanyu. you’ve not seen more beautiful happy tears.

and score reactions, anyway:

so, aye loves, the rumors are true. a cutie-pie off the ice, animated, a real unabashed meme — yuzu is easy-going, talkative. cheery, cheeky, one of a kind. his facial expressions are a league of their own.

if you thought this is the sort of guy who watches cat videos, you are correct 😄

yuz-uwu hanyu, everybody:

his undoubtedly feline behaviour is often unexpected, it stands out with its adorableness, too. a sweetheart par excellence. 

and, how else could it be: vice versa, the big beast on the rink. he’s cutesy, dorky, very well-spoken in daily life, but when it comes to skating, his seriousness escalates. you blink once and suddenly hanyu is a bedazzling, strutting lion :’D his performances stun with confident elegance.

he becomes full of ardor, drama, and focus. you’d never suspect so much fire burns in him. a showman and ambition icon, hands down. 

his skating is dynamic, perfected, and emotional. if you want to see art and the extra mile, tune in when hanyu competes.

the downside is; more light, more shadow. it leaves him crawling on the ice afterwards. yuzu performs so hard, it’s worrying.

he delivers it all. you won’t believe it:

this guy is an asthmatic.

the symptoms aren’t as bad as they used to be, but there are still regular attacks. he said that he’ll never take it as an excuse and often recalls how he started skating because of it. he’s a badass, extremely inspiring. yuzuru defies all limits, including gravity. his jumps have legendary status. 

off the rink, you guessed it: he turns into a wholly different person. 

it all dissolves completely when he’s dorking around again. 

don’t let it deceive you, he’s the no other option than first place type. he could not be any more decorated with titles, he achieved the grand slam in all competitions as of 2020. and still, king of sportsmanship hanyu is respectful and smiley towards all colleagues and never lets anyone feel left out. especially when it comes to his juniors (e.g. yuma kagiyama, 16, below) which says a lot about him.

he bows in every direction before an audience, too. lower than a 90° angle, even. this is more polite than any existing formality in japan.

talk about audience: i introduced fellow japanese skater shoma uno last week, who’s more uncomfortable with social contact and aggression. yuzu, extrovert he is: the exact opposite. he withers away with no people and competition. he’s befriended rivals, had crises over not having someone who could challenge him. when a competitor retires, he’s the one crying in their arms (e.g. with team mate and bff javier fernandez from spain below).

beside his competitive spirit and princely wow factor, hanyu is popular for his winnie pooh tissue box that he caresses, squeezes, and carries everywhere. he loves good luck charms & rituals, pooh is the most important one.

fans throw pooh plushies on the ice after his performances because of it. since it’s gotten so intense, yuzu recently started cleaning them up himself on top of the flower girls for the upcoming skater who could get delayed otherwise. (more about what happens with the piles of plushies later.)

so, the burning question is. 

what made yuzuru hanyu emerge so outstanding an entertainer? how does someone causing so much uproar become like that? it’s not just what kind of appearance he was given, although he really looks his part to a T. you don’t have to be an insider to see it right away.

like literally to a fault. and you can tell the way his blades sound on the ice is different. it’s soft even if he does the most hardcore quadruple jumps. i think it’s because his drive to do this is a higher one, hanyu has an altered relationship with the ice. where his devotion comes from has a more severe reason so, massive trigger warning. 

this is no exaggeration: yuzuru is considered a hero to the japanese. a survivor of the earthquake 2011, he narrowly escaped the collapsing rink in his hometown on that very day. he’s often talked about how the ice shattered underneath his feet and it was the moment that defined his life forever. he could have been dead by the age of 16. his motivation has been set ever since. this man is compelled by something bigger, that’s why you hear it and you feel it. he wants to skate not just for himself but others and seize every day. 

much of his copious charity work — that’s where all the pooh plushies go — went to mend the consequences of the tsunami ever since, he’s looked upon as a great hope in japan. the minister gave him the people’s honor award in 2018. 

now you know why yuzuru has such a fanbase and treats the ice as sacred, you see it in every gesture. his manners are without a single flaw, he helps staff repair the ice after performances. 

you might think it’s odd, but he honors the ground. he’s invested in the integrity of it. that’s why he’s the best skater. it’s gratitude and the will to live fully.

he hates to fall on the ice, he hates to damage it. alongside his feathery weight, that’s why the sound he makes while gliding along is so tender. 

i think that’s also why hanyu’s signature element is the ina bauer. it doesn’t rely on brutal force, instead this element slides across the rink like a swan. yeah, oh my god.

it’s his most well-known dramatic move. the way he surrenders into it. 

hanyu’s back arch and perfect split allow him to do elements no other male skaters can. his biellmann spin, for instance. i know, it’s ridiculous.

and those are just two elements of dozens and dozens. hanyu is a kinetic wizard. i highly rec this record-breaking delivery of his olympic program. in front of his home crowd! he’s just… mind-boggling. i live for his smiles here.

exceptional skater, exceptional mentor: it’s time we look at another puzzle piece that made yuzu the way he is. the masterful brian orser is hanyu’s beloved coach. missing gold by just one mistake at the olympics 1988, brian is now committed to give others what he couldn’t have— successfully so.

orser took the ice prince to gold twice, this hasn’t happened in 66 years. brian is the nicest and most supportive pooh carrier and yuzu’s utmost rock. hanyu’s talent rests safely in these hands.

he gets strict about punctuality lmao! but other than that, his guidance is gentle. canadian he is, brian’s courteousness mixes well with yuzu’s politeness. their bond is strong. as. hell. 

brian picked up yuzu from rock bottom several times. most fateful being hanyu’s accident with a fellow skater during competition warm-ups nov 2014. they collided at a high speed, it was unspeakably nasty. yuzu got knocked out for half a minute and had grave breathing problems but still decided to skate on with what later turned out as an almost-concussion. brian was the most worried ice dad in the world that day.

yuzu cried and crouched and bled like mad and my heart has been broken ever since. i hope he never suffers like that again. promise me you don’t search up the video, it’s a harrowing watch like a stab to the chest. sadly enough, hanyu’s body has still been a notorious wreck, esp. ankle issues regularly give him a hard time 😔

it hurts like a bitch with every jump landing but he takes meds and still manages to win, god knows how. sometimes even with crutches on the podium. at his worst, he’s still the best, it’s a tragedy.

he’s been recovering, or always is, but he pushes himself through injuries. his ambition and perfectionism are boundless. the cause is more important to him than his well-being. this is not an easy guy to stan once you see how he sacrifices and self-destructs. so, it’s good someone protects him. 

mostly from himself because nobody has profoundly surpassed hanyu. he has let himself no choice than to contest himself. not even health, only age can stop yuzu. i think that brian understands this ‘curse of a genius’ effect. his mere presence can make hanyu say these rare words:

his two other coaches contribute to that. tracy wilson (left) has proven to understand his playful side the best while ghislain briand (right) helps yuzuru deal with his fears. so you got 3 people taking care of the golden boy. brian once said: “he is very sheltered” and you can see it’s true.

yuzu eased into learning english and communicates well with his coaches. like with everything, he studies hard and often forces himself to speak during interviews to practice. his skills are astounding. his speaking voice is also very soothing, very amicably low and high alike. yuzu is highly intelligent. he always says something eloquent and interesting.

now, privately, hanyu is very much like you’d expect someone so devoted to skating would be like. he doesn’t go out, has no social media, can’t eat nor sleep very well. no cameras allowed during practice. it figures he is attached to winnie pooh, think about it. in the cartoon, pooh is someone who sleeps, eats, and engages with friends plenty. 

these are the things hanyu can’t do, doesn’t have time/energy/incentive for. he is barred from balance in life but can at least admire this little carefree plushie for it. especially because pooh represents eating lots while yuzuru doesn’t have a good relationship with food (he says it doesn’t go well with jumps etc.), hanyu lives vicariously through him. 

what’s more, you have to see how he throws himself onto others and never wants to let go, yuzuru is extremely cuddly. 

to the degree that mere social customs can’t meet how much he really needs. so, what else can he resort to, he loves mascots and plushies. it’s how the tale goes in japan generally, tough work ethic, high responsibility, high pressure, so people turn to cute fluffy things.

he always fondles pooh’s head, even pretends he’s come to life so he has someone to snuggle with. i think that his isolated lifestyle doesn’t help. so, he gets his affection at least there, you can see how happy it makes him. and again: he does this all for charity.

that’s why fellow skaters are so important to hanyu. it really brings out his social spirit and comforts him best, it’s so wholesome. i’ve not seen someone react so relieved to being embraced, like he’s not been touched for months. skating this, skating that. at the end of the day, hanyu wants love.

as he once said, what motivates him is to express himself in the first place. hanyu is a romantic. it’s written all over him. it reflects in his music choices, his elegant motion, how he designs his outfits:

… and how thoughtfully he talks about marriage. he has big plans for starting a family and coaching after he retires. i won’t be the only one squeezing lucky charm pooh in my imagination so it turns out well for him. please make this heart of gold heal and see all his wishes come true ♡🐻

#thank you for attending this talk ❄️⛸ #i need a moment this was emotional #figure skating #yuzuru hanyu #brian orser #anon #cub mail 🐅 #long post #team japan

[k-writer1998]

Who Said Love Was Easy (3/12)

      There are many different kinds of people who come and go from your life. Some will stay constant and sturdy like a river, growing alongside you, others will come like a whirlwind who wreaks havoc and leaves just as quickly, then there is everything in between. In this twisted maze of connections, that is where our story begins. A steadfast boy, a girl with a past, a little bit of alcohol, mistakes, and some love. Where can you go wrong with that?

angsty fluff

w.c: 2.1k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      Summer lectures, design deadlines and no focus because of that brat. It’s been three years, they shouldn’t have this effect on me anymore… Even if I tell myself that, that woman has such a strong oppressive energy. I always feel like I’m suffocating. Ugh just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. Needing a change of pace I decided to walk to the pub to wait for Changbin. The bustle of the city was a comforting white noise to drown out my thoughts since I really needed to just… not think for a bit. That is, until I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand. With this new sense of anxiety I finally noticed the black car, not so subtly, following me. Luckily the street the pub was on was too narrow for cars and it was entering my line of sight. I checked my phone reflection as a man got out and of course it would be him. Picking up my pace to get away did nothing as he still caught me and forced me to turn around, keeping a hold on my wrist.

“Why are you running away from me?”

“I don’t know, maybe because some random car was following me, a girl who is alone, for over five minutes?” I reply sarcastically.

“I’ve been calling you but you weren’t answering.”

“Call? I probably blocked your number. Look, I’m not interested in pretending to rekindle some broken bond.”

“Y/n… don’t be like this you know I-”

“Don’t pull the remorseful brother act, Youngho-oppa. If you really cared you would have looked for me after I left,” I spat.

      Unlike his sister Younghee who openly showed her indifference, not hearing from him was worse than being thrown out. Youngho was the only one in the entire family that showed me a smidge of kindness, let alone acknowledging my presence when no one else did. It wasn’t until a year after being kicked out did I learn I was nothing more than a stray puppy he played with cause he was bored.

“Don’t be like this y/n. Mom hasn’t been in the right state of mind since dad died. She didn’t mean to hurt you and she’s trying to make it up to you,” he coaxed, pulling me in to stop the wandering ears from hearing.

“That’s a load of shit and you know it. That woman never liked me the minute I was brought in and she made sure everyone but dad knew that. Will she give back the shares to dad’s company that are rightfully mine?”

      His eyebrow twitched and I caught the crack in his facade. Every single one of them are selfish creatures and they will never betray their true nature, a fact I learned the hard way and will not underestimate again.

“Y/n things are sensitive now as is, you can’t just ask for something like that. Why would you want something like those? Aren’t you studying design?”

“Wow, someone did their research. If design doesn’t work I should at least have the shares to give me some support. It was a decent portion wasn’t it?” I pushed.

“Stop acting like a child there are bigger things going on so just cooperate. The faster you do the less we have to see each other. Do you think I have time to chase you around like this?”

      And his true color shows. By now his hold on my arm had turned into a vice grip and it hurt like hell but I couldn’t show weakness now, they don’t get to win after everything.

“Ha… I can’t believe I waited six months to hear from you like you actually cared. Sometimes you really are worse than your mother.”

      My head snapped to the side in an instant and it was numb for a moment before the stinging settled in. I knew something of this caliber would happen… for his own reasons he hated his mother. Who knew it would tick him off that much? Before either of us could come back from the shock, a hand broke the hold on my wrist and my line of sight was covered by someone’s back. The mystery person shielded me from my brother and I immediately recognized the ring on their pinky. Should I be glad or panicked that Jeongin’s here?

“Sorry I’m late, is this person bothering you?”

“Oh? Is this your boyfriend?” Youngho smirked, eyeing him up and down.

“No.” I roll my eyes, trying my best to mask my unease. Jeongin doesn’t need to be dragged into my family drama. I tug at his hand lightly and he turned to look back at me, “Come on, we’re late meeting the others. This conversation is over anyways.”

      Once in front of the pub, Jeongin turned to examine my face. Seeing such concern in his eyes I couldn’t stop the surge of emotion that came over me as tears started to fall.

“Are you okay?! You must’ve been scared…” he panicked and I shook my head.

“Thank you,” I sniffed.

“You still got hit… I can’t believe-”

“It’s whatever.” This was not the first time someone from that family raised their hand to me, I expected nothing less… and I did purposefully push his buttons. “I deserved it. I provoked him.”

      In an instant my gaze that was trained on the ground was forced to meet his piercing eyes by the gentle force of his hand nudging my chin. He had leaned in so that we were eye level and my brain nearly short circuited at his close proximity. Well that’s one way to stop tears.

“It doesn’t matter if you provoked him, that shouldn’t have happened y/n. No one deserves that, do you understand?”

      It surprised me how serious he was about this. I don’t know if it was the butterflies from how close he was or the unsettling feeling of being… perceived, but I couldn’t think. Instead I numbly nodded, my eyes never leaving his as if under a spell. The corner of his lips quirked up at my response before he ushered me into the pub and sat me in my usual seat. He tossed a bag to Chan, that I hadn’t noticed he had, before disappearing to the back. Jeongin re-emerged with some ice and placed it on my face causing me to wince a bit. Taking it from his hands, he reached for my arm but I instinctively pulled away.

“Is your arm okay?”

“It’s fine. Probably slightly bruised at most but nothing serious.”

      He eyed me suspiciously but before he could say anything Jaehyung barged over, worry written all over his face.

“Y/n! What happened?!”

“It’s nothing,” I smiled. He immediately whirled on Jeongin and gave him a pointed look.

“I caught some guy bothering her when I was out buying Chan-hyung some Advil and he… slapped her,” he responded guiltily. 

      I don’t know if I should admire or be annoyed by his honesty. I tiredly rubbed my forehead, already feeling the anger rolling off of Jaehyung. 

“Don’t feel guilty Jeongin,” I smiled before turning to Jaehyung. “Thanks for getting mad for me but it’s not worth it Jaehyung-oppa.”

“Was it your fam-”

“Yes,” I cut him off, but that was more than enough for Jeongin to put the pieces together. Not wanting to hear anything from either of them I add, “I’m fine, really. Plus Changbin is coming so don’t worry okay?”

“Not worry? You usually end up home drunk and always make bad decisions with him.”

“Ninety-six percent of the time it’s me, bad decisions help relieve stress you know,” I smile like a child trying not to get in trouble.

      Jaehyung ruffled my hair with a resigned sigh before telling me not to come home too drunk and went off. Jeongin kept me company but I had to ignore his eyes that were filled with questions I didn’t want to answer. Luckily Changbin came soon after but his eyes zeroed in on my cheek and was ready to square up with Jeongin before I intervened.

"Nope. I'll explain later, let's go." I gave him no time to argue as I waved Jeongin goodbye and sped to the door.

      Knowing that I’ve come from a deprived childhood, Changbin’s lenient with me and my impulses. That being said, tonight is a total bust. Instead of somewhere fun, we’re at some restaurant because as Changbin puts it, he needs to “gage my recklessness” since I “act up more” when my family is involved.

“I ordered some food… and alcohol since I promised to take you out to have fun but before that, what the hell happened? Who hit you? Wh-”

“Are you going to keep going or do you actually want me to answer the questions?”

“Obviously answer them you smart ass. ”

“Long story short it was Youngho and the guy from the pub basically saved me more or less.”

      His eyes softened at the mention of my brother. The first six months I was kicked out I stayed with Changbin until Hyorin, my mom's best friend who had been acting like an actual guardian for me since my dad died, helped me find an affordable place. He’s the one who saw the emotional toll it took when the one person I believed to be on my side threw me away. 

“I would’ve thought he would be too busy with company stuff to come out, especially since he is under a microscope right now with the chairman’s health issues and all.”

“That’s why wicked stepmother and her children are on my tail. They’re trying to exploit our relationship, tied by nothing more than my father’s blood, to try to win grandma over cause she is fond of me and has a big share.” I ran an annoyed hand through my hair before whining, “so can we go clubbing?”

“Yeah… no. I’ll be having to pry off some guy from trying to take you home because you’re wasted.”

“No. That only happened like… four? times…”

“Four times too many. But drink your fill here and let Mr. Neighbor know that you’re staying at mine. If I bring you home drop dead drunk again I think he would actually kill me.”

“You’re probably right,” I laugh before shooting a quick text to Jaehyung. Once I put my phone down, the waitress came in with our order and I pointed at Changbin, “no talking about the unholy trinity or I’m leaving to go be unsupervised.”

“Yes, yes. I spoil you too much,” he sighs before adding, “how is the chairman anyways?”

“Grandpa still wants to believe I don’t exist and last I heard from grandma was that his heart isn’t in good health. It’s hard to treat when they’re trying to hide it from the company. Everyone knows he’s sick but not how bad,” I respond flatly.

“... Okay one question and I’ll stop. Who are the other runner ups other than… you know who?”

      I downed my second shot in annoyance. Changbin and Jaehyung could be good friends if they let it happen, they’re both so nosy… I could care less about company drama though so I tell him. Not like I’ll get in trouble.

“I- Are you asking me to leave?”

“Oh come on, if they’re this desperate that means there are other strong candidates right?”

“Fine.” I glare, shoving some food in my mouth before answering, “They’re looking into my cousin Wooin and a long-term director Jihyo. They have high performance with successful big projects under their belt in addition to having the favor of various important people.”

“Okay, so what’s this about finding Loverboy? It’s been what? A year with no contact?”

“Of course I do. That was the first time I formed a fat crush on a guy I just met,” I roll my eyes. “It’s the guy you wanted to beat up, Jeongin. It’s been a few months but he’s been working at Jaehyung’s pub.”

      I don’t know if it was the alcohol doing its job but I started to get sentimental as I thought back to our first meeting. That night was during a relatively low point in my life and I was losing touch with the world around me, but he was the first thing I found interest in after a long time. As if my brain wanted to torture me, the image of his face mere inches from mine popped back into my mind.

“Did something already happen?! Your face is red!”

“Shut up. He still has a girl he likes so no.”

“Still?” Changbin whistles in surprise, “That’s what I call devotion. Does he remember you?”

“Nope. To make matters… interesting, she works there too and has a crush on Jaehyung-oppa.”

“Wait that cute new waitress? On that old man? And I thought you had problems,” he laughs.

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids au #skz imagines #skz au #yang jeongin #jeongin imagines #jeongin au #server! jeongin x regular! y/n #my writing #wslwe?

[jadekitty777]

On Your Six, Chapter 7

Only one chapter left after this one! It may not get posted tomorrow though as I’m still working on it. 

Day 7: Homesick for @taiqrowweek 

Rating:  T for this chapter, M for overall

Words: 3.5k

Summary: Qrow was what most of society would call a small-town criminal. But to those oppressed, he hoped only to be a healer. In an effort to make a change in the world, he moves from kingdom to kingdom, searching for branded omegas in need. His goal? To turn the derogatory words the reformatories forced them to bear on their skin into works of art.

Then one day, his past catches up to him in the form of Taiyang, his former best friend, with a brand of his own stained onto his skin and a plea for help in his eyes. Qrow has no choice but to answer, even if it means he’d have to face his mistakes once and for all.

[An ABO-style universe in a modern-day style Remnant. No Grimm, because people are the real monsters in this one]

Ao3 Link: On Your Feet

~

When Qrow was twenty, he made the biggest mistake of his life.

“You’re leaving?”

He turned away. Couldn’t stand looking at Tai, hurt and confused, knowing he was to blame for it.

Scowled, because why should he care anymore when the other hardly spared him the time?

“’Course I am.” He finally snipped, shoving more socks into a duffel. “Have you seen my face?”

He had to resist the self-conscious urge to touch the cotton bandage on the right side of his forehead, hiding the stitches holding the three-inch gash together.

The beer bottle had shattered on impact. It was a wonder he didn’t get fractures. Small miracles. Though he was pretty sure some memories had been knocked askew because most of the night was a haze. He was only certain of the things that had become routine at that point: coming home to crack open a few with his old man while they watched prime time television and bitched about the state of things. An argument started, over what he couldn’t say, and Qrow never saw the swing coming before he was out cold on the floor.

When he woke up, it was with the hard realization it was time to get out.

Too bad his best friend didn’t get the memo. Tai perched on the edge of his bed as he had a thousand times before, pressing on, “But to the capital city? You don’t have to go so far.”

“Tch. You got any better ideas?” The hangers rattled against one another as he yanked down more shirts.

“Why not stay with me and Rae? We can make room.”

That made him pause, looking over. “Why?”

“Why not?” Was the simple counter as if it were as simple as that. Then, Tai rose his hand to his stomach, fondness smoothing his features, “Besides, then you’ll be close when the baby comes along.”

Fucking, of course. The rush of fury that flooded his system was white-hot, jealousy snapping at the end of every nerve. “So you get yourself knocked up and suddenly it’s my problem?”

“W-What?”

An alarm went off in the back of his head, trying to tell him to pull back – but the words were already leaving his mouth, spiteful and petty and mean, “I’m not sticking around to be your damn nanny. If you can’t handle it, then maybe you shoulda kept your damn legs shut.”

The reaction was instantaneous, Tai immediately on his feet, both taken aback and furious, “Qrow, what the hell?! I brought it up because I figured you’d want to be involved in your niece or nephew’s life! Not-” He threw his hands up. “Whatever the hell you’re implying.”

He knew he was way out of line, but any guilt he had was being held down by a vitriolic sludge of grief and regret that had been leaking, unchecked, out of his broken heart the day he learned Tai and Raven had bonded. An ache that had chipped away at his stability until there was nothing left but a hurricane of outrage and wrath inside him. Thing about hurricanes was, when they blew in, their only purpose was to destroy everything in their path.

That’s how Qrow felt now as he stalked towards the omega, venom spitting out of his throat, “Oh cut the virtuous bullshit already. I was in the hospital for two days. Sure didn’t bother to visit me then. But now that you need something, you come knocking?”

“I came here because I was worried about you!” Tai’s voice rose. “Raven didn’t tell me-”

“Oh-ho-ho there it is. Raven didn’t tell you. Far be it for you to check in on your own best friend once and awhile, huh?” He spat. “Or maybe I’m just the idiot here. Are we even friends anymore?”

This close, he could smell the souring in the other’s scent, his distress palpable. “Of course we are. The only one not acting like one right now is you. Look, I’m sorry about what happened and I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. And I get that your mad but you don’t get to take it out on me, alright?”

“You don’t get it! That’s not what this is about!”

“Then what is it about?!”

Qrow opened and shut his mouth nothing coming out. A coward, even when he’d already lost his chance. He spun away with a snarl so Tai couldn’t see the well of emotion in his eyes, storming to the other the side of the room and kicking his desk hard enough the back of it hit the wall. “Fuck!”

He was so tired of this. Of being unhappy and angry all the time. Of having any and every little thing set him off because it seemed like everything nowadays just made him irritated or sad. When was the last time he’d gone out just for fun? When was the last time he’d laughed?

Qrow buried his head in his hands, disgusted with himself over how close he was to tears. “I hate this.”

“Qrow…”

He heard footfalls behind him, then Tai’s scent was all around him. It was a natural omega response, the cloying sweetness surrounding the air meant to comfort and soothe when emotions were running too high, much like a purr.

It only made him feel worse.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m here for you, okay?” Tai’s hand rested onto his shoulder. “Just tell me what I can do to help.”

Qrow couldn’t take this anymore. “You want to help? Then get out.”

“But-”

He knocked the other’s hand away and whirled, his tone shifting into a growl as he pushed his own alpha influence outwards, “I said Leave!”

It was almost disturbing, seeing the way the omega stumbled back, eyes wide, a bit of a tremor in his knees. Usually, the reaction wasn’t so extreme, especially when they were already in the middle of a fight, but he’d never growled at Tai before. Around him, sure – especially if he and Raven were having one of their sibling moments, then the dominance display tended to be a given.

But never at him. It was like he’d broken some sort of unspoken rule.

Try as he might, Tai’s voice shook when he spoke, clearly rattled, “Is that really what you want?”

Some of the guilt finally started to puncture through but it was too little, too late.

“Yes. I can’t deal with this right now.” He looked away. “Just, go. Please.”

A tense, silent few moments passed. Then finally, resigned, Tai said, “Alright then.”

Yet as he headed for the door, he hesitated in the threshold. Stopped to look back, hoping to convey something more than just words.

Years later, Qrow still regretted never meeting his eyes.

“Just, remember I’m here when you need me Qrow. Call when you’re ready, okay?”

He never did.

~

They were sitting at the table, mugs in either hand. It felt like a mirror image of that very first day six months ago, except this time it was Qrow who couldn’t look up.

“That’s why you were so distant back then.” Tai finally said, an undercurrent of something in his voice that he couldn’t quite pinpoint.

Qrow swallowed hard. “Yeah.” His fingers clutched his cup harder. “I know I should have said this back then but… I’m so sorry.”

“Oh Qrow. I forgave you a long time ago.”

He head jerked up, mouth agape. “What?”

Tai’s smile was gentle. “I knew something was going on with you. You’d been weird ever since we graduated. And when I found out you were moving away, I figured it was because you’d been feeling lost. I was so frustrated because I didn’t know how to help you.” He ran a hand over the back of his neck. Now Qrow could see what he hadn’t before: regret. “I just never put the pieces together that I was the problem.”

“You weren’t-! I mean…” He grimaced. It was time to stop lying. “Yeah. Being around you was killing me. I needed to get away, from everything. It wasn’t until I was entirely alone, I started to get my head back together. Took even longer to admit to myself that it was my fault things fell apart because I was too busy wallowing in self-pity to see anyone else. By that point, it had been so long, I didn’t feel like I could go back.” He sighed. “I’m a real moron. If I had just been honest with you, maybe things wouldn’t have ended the way they had. No matter what though, it doesn’t excuse the things I said.”

“Oh yeah, you were a total dick.” His friend laughed. “But take it from a guy who’s had his heart broken twice now: sometimes when you’re hurting that much, you’ll often be left with the ugliest side of yourself.”

Qrow arched a brow. “Oh yeah? What’s ugly Tai look like?”

“I think the way my dad put it was ‘robotic’.” Tai rubbed at a sharpie mark on the table as if he was trying to erase the black marks on his own life. “If it wasn’t sorrow or anger, then I didn’t really feel anything at all. It was all just numb to me and it made everything else feel like a chore. Even the littlest things, like showering or eating, were just too much. Some days, I even struggled to get out of bed. Heh.” His shoulders slumped. “It was pathetic.”

He supposed there was something to be said about being the person watching the show instead of being the one playing the part. “Hey, if I’m allowed to skip off to an entirely different continent, then you can stay in bed for a few extra hours.”

“Okay, you got me there.” He conceded. “Still, I can’t imagine how long I would have been stuck like that if it weren’t for my girls giving me the strength to move forward.”

“Well I’m glad you have them.” Qrow said, and for the first time, he knew he was saying it with full sincerity. A sense of calm had fallen over him, one he’d never felt before.

After his rut had happened a few weeks ago, he’d thought things would have grown awkward between them. Unbearable, even, now that the truth was out in the open.

As always, Tai surprised him as Qrow had started to stumble over himself to make amends.

(“I don’t even know where to start. There’s a lot you probably want to know.”

“There is. But that doesn’t mean you have to tell me.”

“W-What? But you said…”

“I was wrong. Especially when I… accidentally forced that confession out of you.”

“…”

“Look, just because these are your feelings for me, doesn’t suddenly mean I have ownership of them. Whatever you want to tell me, you do it in your own time. And if you never want to speak of this again, then we won’t.”

“Then, we’re… okay?”

“Yeah. Absolutely.”)

True to his word, Tai never pushed after that day. Qrow waited for the tension to grow, for something to give. But it never did – and he started to think maybe those over-dramatics only happened in sitcoms and romantic dramas.

Whatever it was, the blissful return to normalcy gave Qrow the breathing space he needed to come to terms with his secret being out. Eventually, the stories came next. Not everything, of course. Some things were just too locked into his heart to give away. Still, the more he did share, the better he felt. No longer did he have to hold in his feelings, never giving them a chance to resolve and leaving turmoil in his heart. Now, he could finally look forward without a ‘what if’ hanging over him.

Maybe he’d never have the life he always dreamed about with Tai. No house with a gaggle of pups running around the yard. No coming home to the omega’s smile being his and his only. But at least he’d always have this. A friendship that had lasted through the ages and against the odds. That had weathered the worst storms and built up stronger after they’d passed. That’s foundation remained strong with the support and care they both gave to one another.

He’d always love Tai. On that, he had little doubt. But it was these past few months that really taught him what it meant to truly love someone. It wasn’t a trade-off. To give something so precious with only the expectation of an exchange for the same in return cheapened the value.

Love was a gift. An offering freely handed over with no intent beyond the desire to see the happiness it provided.

After bearing witness to one of Tai’s lowest points, he’d discovered just how integral that latter part was. He would move mountains and rearrange the stars if it meant bringing that smile back onto Tai’s face.

Even if those mountains being moved were just pictures on a phone and the stars were being moved by a needle-tipped pen that spread an aurora of color over the dark sky.

Qrow finished his tea, getting to his feet. “Alright, story time’s over. Let’s get the last one finished up.”

~

The buzzing that had permeated the space between them for months on end stopped for the final time.

Qrow set the needle aside, giving the tattoo its finally look over. Made sure every line was in place, every color perfect, every shade drawn.

It was with a heavy heart he realized there was nothing left to do, nothing left to add, nothing left to say except, “It’s done.”

“Really?” Tai turned his head, still trying to mimic an owl after all this time.

“Yep.” He snapped a shot with his scroll. “Take a look.”

The device was handed over, Tai sitting up as he gave it a critical scan. “It’s perfect.” He decided, but his smile was weak.

“You don’t look happy about it.”

“It’s not that. It really is everything I wanted.” He assured, stronger than before. He thumbed at the edge of the scroll, shoulders falling some. “I’m just sad. I’m going to miss this.”

Qrow rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the anchor in his own chest. Before things could get too gloom and doom though, he insisted, “Well hey, don’t go sobbing into my pillow yet until you see what I brought for a celebration.”

“Qrow you know you shouldn’t be buying frivolous things-” Tai cut himself off as Qrow whipped open the nightstand drawer, pulling out two perfectly round, prepackaged cupcakes. “Except those.”

He laughed, tossing Tai one and sliding from the recliner onto the bed beside him. It felt just like old times, tearing into the plastic and taking that first, overly sugary bite of chocolate and frosting. It reminded him of grand adventures on the playground and binge fests during movie marathons and sleepovers.

Qrow chanced a glance over. “So, Friday’s the day?”

“Yeah.” He replied, nibbling a ring around the cupcake like the weirdo he was, saving the vanilla crème filling for last. “I’m… pretty nervous.”

He pressed his shoulder against Tai’s. “Hey. It’s fine. You’re gonna be fine. And just think, once you pass those bastards final eval, you’re going to be getting your kids back.”

That brought his smile back in full. “Yeah. You’re right. Besides,” He nudged him back, “You’ll finally get to meet them.”

Qrow’s lungs shriveled up in his chest, leaving only enough air for a quiet, “Guess so.”

“I know the girls are just gonna love you.”

“Maybe.” He cleared his throat, snapping, “And will you finish eating already? You’re getting crumbs all over my bed!”

“Sorry!”

They finished up their treats – but any sweetness left in Qrow’s was gone.

~

It was rather remarkable, how much two men could stall against the inevitable. It was pushing nearly one in the morning by the time they were shuffling towards the door, both of them trying to hide yawns.

“Maybe I should just stay over again?” Tai suggested.

Qrow rolled his eyes. “And have you trigger another rut? No thanks.”

“Oh, it’s my fault. I see how it is.” All things considered it probably had been. Between the unintentional courting with homemade dinners and the two of them sharing the bed, it really was just a recipe for disaster.

Still, it was nice to joke about it. “Glad to see you’re taking responsibility. More seriously though, no need to risk things when you’re so close to the finish line.”

“Yeah. Guess you’re right.” He mimed a phone to his ear. “I’ll keep you in the loop. And hey, when me and the girls head back to Patch, maybe you can come with us. Start working out of there for a while.”

There it was. The conversation he’d been trying to avoid all night. He shifted on his feet, trying to remain ambivalent, “I mean, maybe. I still have a lot of clients here I’m finishing up with.”

But Tai hadn’t been his best friend for two decades not to see through his bullshit. Most of it, at least. “Qrow. Don’t you dare.”

“I-”

Before he could even try, Tai was clutching onto his forearms, tone frantic, “You were gonna disappear, just like before, weren’t you?”

“That’s not exac-”

Just as quickly, he was hopping back, holding up his hands placatingly. “Wait, it’s me again, right? Whatever it is, we can talk it out. Right now, if you want.”

“Tai-”

“I know that’s not really fair, but, look. I’ll do whatever you want in return for it. Just please. Don’t do this to me again. I can’t lose you too.”

Qrow watched as Tai struggled and lost the fight against tears, a prevalent reek of fear becoming known. It only occurred to him right then that after so many losses, maybe his friend was starting to develop a serious issue with separation anxiety. He ran a hand over his face, grumbling, “I’m such an ass.” Before walking forward and catching the other in a tight hug.

Those powerful arms hugged back so hard, it nearly broke his sternum. “I-I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m sorry.” He buried his fingers into blond hair. “I should have talked to you about this before.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed, pulling back enough to look up at him. He reached around, thumbing away some tears. “I’m not trying to run off again, I swear. But this isn’t exactly a ‘day until I retire’ job. It’s a ‘only a matter of time’ one. If I stay close to home, then you’d probably be tagged as an accomplice.” He met his gaze, resigned and resolute. “I’m not going to put you through losing your children a second time.”

Somehow, that only seemed to make Tai cry more. “Why are you so fair to everyone but yourself?”

“Heh. Guess the privileged lifestyle never suited well.” He joked weakly. “Look, I ain’t dropping off the face of the planet. I’ll keep in touch, promise. And visit, when I can. So can you cut it with the waterworks? You know I’m awful with ‘em.”

Tai sniffed, stepping back so he could dab at his eyes with his sleeve. “Only ‘cause you don’t want to cry too.”

“Semantics.” Qrow waved off.

“And you better keep that promise, or I’ll… I don’t know what I’ll but I’ll do it!”

He crossed an X over his heart. “I will. Even if they threaten to scratch out my eyes.”

“Good.” Tai nodded, seemingly satisfied. “I… guess I better get going.”

“Probably want some sleep to handle that tromp of monsters tomorrow.”

The omega gave him a light jab. “Rude. I’ll talk to you soon, eh?”

“You’ve got my number.” Qrow replied, as the other opened the door, only to hesitate. His fingers started to nervously tap along the doorknob’s surface. “Tai?”

“Qrow I-” He spun around, another sharp spike to his scent. “I want you to know that I… I…”

Qrow breathed in a bit, confused as he recognized the hint of anxiety. Was he still that worried? “Youuu?” He urged gently.

The tapping increased, as did the scent. Then Tai shook his head, smiling brightly, “Just that I’m… really proud of you.”

“E-Eh?” Okay, now he was really lost.

“What you’re doing, you have no idea the impact you’re having. It’s changing lives.” He placed a hand on his shoulder. “It certainly changed mine.”

Qrow felt his face flame up, flustered as he tried to duck his head. “Dude, I can’t do this at one in the morning.”

“You need me to tell you again at noon?”

“No!”

Tai burst into chuckles. “I just wanted you to know that.” The hand squeezed gently. “And how glad I am you’re part of my life.”

“Okay, okay. I get the point.” He pat his wrist placatingly. “I love you too, now please stop trying to cause an aneurysm.”

That caused another puzzling spike, Tai’s second laugh more jittery. “Ah what’s the fun in that?” Nevertheless, he did pull back, stepping out. “I’ll see you ‘round.” With a final wave, he started off down the hall.

“See ya.” He called after.

As Qrow shut the door, he couldn’t shake the lingering sense that he had missed something.

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