#i trust their judgment 100% of the time except for literally this one time

[kaizokuseb]

i need to go to therapy so bad. at this point, i’m not even thinking about my overall mental health and ptsd, etc, i just need to talk to someone who has absolutely no bias about my situation. i’m going to use a readmore to talk about it because it could be triggering.

cw for suicide, domestic abuse, attempted murder, ableism(?)

my sister’s husband had a mental breakdown. this man has been my best friend for nearly a decade. he’s my brother. he lost both of his parents within a year and just sunk deeper and deeper into grief and trauma until he was drowning in it. i knew he was. we tried to help him, but there’s only so much that outside help can offer.

he screamed at my sister, hit her, pushed her around. then he drove their car into a barrier with her inside in an attempt to kill himself. from what i understand, the intent wasn’t to kill her too, his mind was just in such a screaming panic that he couldn’t think or stop himself. i believe that’s true. it all happened in the course of several hours, and he had never put a hand on her before.

my dad thinks he should be in jail. my sister, mom, brother, and grandparents have already forgiven him. some of them act like there was nothing to forgive in the first place. so where does this leave me?

i don’t want him to go to jail. he went to a hospital for a while and now he’s in therapy, and he’s living separately from my sister. they’re going to stay separated for at least a year and work on themselves and their relationship in therapy. i approve of all of that, though i really wanted them to just get a divorce.

but i haven’t spoken to him since the morning that i found out what happened. what am i supposed to say? i was so, so furious and so hurt, and now i feel nothing because it was too much and too confusing and i just… turned it off. i’ve seen him a few times now, and we didn’t speak to each other, and all i felt was dissociated and kinda awkward. i cant even fucking feel anything anymore because i couldn’t handle it. like i couldn’t decide if everyone was being unreasonably (like insanely) forgiving or if i was being a crazy person by wanting him out of our lives forever. the fact that my father, a man who sees suicide as a moral failing, is the one i’m closest to agreeing with makes me feel like i’m losing my mind.

but just because i can’t feel it all right now doesn’t mean i’ve stopped thinking about it. i would never, ever judge some for trying to kill themself. but this man abused my sister and then tried to kill her with him. maybe i’m being close-minded, but i feel like his actions have spoken for themselves. he wasn’t sane at the time, he was acting on completely panicked instinct, but i don’t understand why no one else sees that he can’t be trusted now. forgetting all of my anger and hurt, if i try to be logical and realistic, i see that he’s shown us what his most basic instincts are. i believe he is a good, loving person. i really do. i hope he gets all the help he needs, and i don’t think i’ll ever not love him.

but how can i ever trust this man again?

#i think it looks more cut and dry written out like this #in reality it’s messy and complicated and the people mentioned are some of those whose opinions i trust and value above all others #meaning not my father but the rest of my family #i trust their judgment 100% of the time except for literally this one time #if you read this you may comment or dm me if you like but any outright hatred will be blocked immediately #be respectful to my family and my brother in law or don’t speak to me

[blazehedgehog]

I WILL CHOKE ON THESE SOUR GRAPES TIL I'M IN MY GRAVE

I left this open in another tab, meaning to watch it like a week ago. It's an official video published and promoted on the Youtube Studio dashboard, about common misconceptions around their recommendation algorithm and what the truths really are. .

And now, finally watching it, that white haired dude, Mr. "Youtube Liason", is the guy who told me the algorithm ignored one of my videos because "maybe it just wasn't very good."

Famously, and something I will never ever shut up about when given the chance to mention it, I put out a video about Jurassic Park games just before Christmas, expecting it to slot in and do decent numbers, just like all of my other videos do. Since Youtube earnings tend to spike around the holidays, this was going to be how I paid for Christmas presents that year. It was something I'd done at least twice before. Instead, the algorithm completely ignored the video because it was outside my usual wheelhouse of Sonic content.

This is shockingly relevant to the very first topic they cover: whether a single "off-topic" video actually matters with regards to how the algorithm sees your channel, and the general answer from the Youtube technician is "No." You don't gotta tell me.

When I put my full weight behind a video, it easily breaks 10k views, even 50k or 200k+ views. Some of my most popular videos have cracked the multi-millions!

So when this dude spells out in plain english that the algorithm effectively ignores one-off videos? Yeah, no shit. I'm living proof of that. Across the first two years, that Jurassic Park video struggled to break even 2000 views. Only by paying out of my own pocket for multiple promotional campaigns and constantly complaining about its lack of performance has it struggled to hit just over 5000 views, some four years later. The algorithm knew it was way outside my regular wheelhouse and treated it like poison.

And this liason clown had the balls to tell me "well maybe the video was just bad, sorry bud" only to, two years later, sit down with this technician that spells out exactly what I was knew was happening and was trying to explain to him.

Except now, of course, it's being spun as a positive: "don't worry, a one-off won't hurt your regular content" as opposed to the "we didn't notify anyone about your one-off and it became stillborn" I experienced.

I have sat down and thought very intently about this Jurassic Park video. Obviously, if I make a stink about its performance, tell people the algorithm made a poor judgment call, I'm going to get patted on the back and comforted that yes, the video is good. Don't worry. The mean old algorithm is just dumb. Right? And Youtube unflinchingly believes in the power of their algorithm as this perfect shining golden standard to drive viewership, the thing that can never, ever be wrong about guys like me.

I appreciate the comfort and support of friends and colleagues and even random strangers who are inherently distrustful of the algorithm. But I also know that feels like an echo chamber.

So then what, do I trust Youtube? Absolutely not. At the end of the day their algorithm still made an unfair judgment call and despite their claims above that any old video can get picked up by the algorithm at any time, my video has never recovered. I've tried more interesting thumbnails, I've spent almost $100 on Google Adsense promotion -- one of which, I should note, was the same week that Jurassic World 3 released, and the other being E3. Both should have been extremely lucrative times to run ads. And I got crickets.

I like the video. I stand by the fact I think I did a good job on it. I remain proud of it. It's as good as any real-effort-content I've put out in the last five years. The echo chamber tells me it's a good video, too, even if I literally can't buy views.

So my only recourse is to sit here and stew in my bitterness towards this algorithm. The shining, ultimate example as to why you should never let a computer make a qualitative judgment call. And I will be frustrated and angry about this until I draw my last breath.

#youtube #google #algorithm #jurassic park #jurassic world #sour grapes

[sirenselfship]

Incorrect quotes

Instead of focusing on one fandom, I decided to do them with ALL my current romantic F/Os! Get ready for chaos

Wheatley: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Cheval. Wheatley: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. Wheatley: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. Cheval: Hmm… I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. Wheatley: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. Cheval: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. Wheatley: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

Wheatley: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Ian. Wheatley: Wheatley: Don’t tell them I said that.

Ian, watching Cheval and Siren fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt? Rex, not bothered by the chaos: It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other. Ian: Then… who’s the strongest out of you three? Cheval: Rex. Siren: Rex. Rex: Me.

Wheatley: What's this? Siren, hugging Wheatley: Affection! Wheatley: Disgusting. Wheatley: …Do it again.

Cheval: If you got arrested what would be the charges? Wheatley: Theft. Bede: Disturbing the peace. Ian: Aggravated assault. Rex: Arson. Siren: All of the above. In that order, probably.

Bede: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Ian and Siren's convo? Wheatley: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Rex: I'm in the washing machine. Cheval: I'm in the closet. Wheatley: We accept you Cheval. <3 Cheval: No I'm literally in the closet. Wheatley: Love is love. <3

The Squad is playing Chess Siren: easily beats everyone because they know how to play Ian: doesn’t know the rules, but wins anyway Cheval: doesn’t know the rules, and loses Rex: knows the rules, but still loses to those who don’t Bede: Actually, you can’t do that, because I said so. Wheatley: They named a board game after cheese?

Siren: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip! Cheval: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill! Wheatley: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out! Bede: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times! Ian: Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up! Rex: Throw a brick at someone to kill them.

#f/o: ian #f/o: rex #f/o: cheval #f/o: wheatley #f/o: bede #hello me and you #I’ll be the one #Carried me with you #Still into you #still alive #selfship community #incorrect self ship quotes #selfship #self ship community

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Touch starved/ hurt reader - hcs or scenarios the turtles? Reader super cool regarding friendship, like funny and open etc etc, but if someone tries to do anything that implies a bit more regarding romantic stuff they are kinda like oop- no. Reader is kinda jumpy and just freezes when someone’s they like does any kind of affection ( blushes a lot, try to run away and avoid those situations) people have taken them for granted which has make them a bit cold and defensive in that area- they want to be more affectionate ( which they know deep down it’s what they crave) but it’s kinda they are a scared / angry cat? Please, hope this makes sense, thank you

( also regarding looks and gender I think you can go with they/them so everyone can see a look but if themselfs in the scenario, and if you are going to any kind of skin ship, make the reader extremely defensive over their arms and tummy pls, I do love hugs but if anyone touches my hips I’ll try to get away so fast omg sbbtjfjdkdksn and I will just close off momentarily, I absolutely hate it, I’m more on the heavy side ( talk and chubby ) and if anyone’s touches the “giggly” parts I get extremely upset ( because of how ppl havemade fun of it over the years) and I think the boys would be very “??? What?” To that reaction cuz they didn’t think it was some thing bad to have? ( like a more soft and chunky/chubby body) because they haven’t been exposed long enough to society’s judgment or beauty standards ( I mean they know about! The ones who would have read more about it maybe it’s Leo and Donnie, but what I mean maybe they have never experienced something like this - themselfs irl) Eitherway this ask is already so long omg I’m sorry and thank you, if it’s too much you don’t have to do it, have a good night/ day!)

Okay first of all I love you and I would die for you. You are a perfect human being and there is literally no one else like you. Your body does a damn good job of keeping all of your organs in place and that's what matters. If anyone tells you different you rock their absolute shit.

And don't worry, I understood the request perfectly so no worries on that, I've got a similar body type except I'm really short. But I'm also super defensive over being touched or having those parts of my body perceived, so trust me when I say you're not alone. We be vibing with this together.

Now to the writing!

TMNT Headcanons

Boys reacting to a touch starved/defensive reader

Michaelangelo

Look man, our boy here is body positivity central, he thinks you look amazing and he wants everyone to know it

As far as you two go he's your best friend, your homie, your main man

So of course he's gonna wanna show you off, why wouldn't he?

He doesn't think you'd have a reason to not be okay with it, you've always been playful with him and his brothers

So obviously there's some widespread confusion once Casey gets tossed into the mix

All Mikey had done was reach behind him and snag you by the waist to pull you over

That was all

The words "and this is my best friend, y/n" never got the chance to leave his mouth

He was definitely not expecting you to squeak out in protest and scramble away from him as fast as humanly possible

Your face was burning red and you were clutching your sides, desperately trying not to bare your teeth in defence

Mikey couldn't help but feel heartbroken

Was there something wrong with him?

You sent Casey an unenthusiastic wave before turning on your heel and basically running out

Leaving a very confused orange turtle behind you

When he finally managed to catch up to you later you rushed to explain why you'd reacted the way you did

You couldn't stand his expression when you explained that no- you didn't think he was disgusting and no, he hadn't done anything wrong.

But he did seem baffled at you telling him that it was because you hated being touched there.

"Look Mikey, I've got no problem with the whole contact thing but you gotta give me a warning or something before you go around grabbing me. Okay?"

He was 100% fine with that

Anything to make you comfortable

But you both got to the point of being able to laugh at your reaction to the turtle trying to hold your hand

"Seriously Michaelangelo, I have a reputation to maintain. How am I supposed to do that when you're giving me feelings?"

Donatello

It completely baffled him

By all accounts it didn't make sense

You threw around compliments like you were playing hot potato and for whatever reason you'd always find someway to playfully flirt with him

But the second one of his brothers suggested something other than the innocent friendship the two of you had you would shut down completely

And coincidentally those types of comments were made at the most inconvenient times

Nothing screamed awkward more than you going stone cold and standoffish over a piece of pie

Bubbly and excited one moment, tossing around those positive affirmations to your favorite people

And staring murderously at an inanimate object the next

You were like an unsolvable rubix cube to him

But he was determined to figure you out

"Y/N?"

You didn't appear to be busy, just sitting on the haphazard bunk in your makeshift area with a book in your lap

The others had gone out on patrol and you weren't sure where Splinter was at that particular moment which left you and Donnie holding down the lair until they got back

The perfect time to approach the subject

"Hey y/n? Can I ask you something?"

His voice always got a little louder when you were alone, less afraid of being overheard. You looked up with a smile

"Fire away Dove."

His cheeks flushed in surprise

"uhhhhh... whydoyounotlikeme?"

You set your book down and leaned forward to stare at him

"Elaborate."

And he did, god he did, he did it at the speed of sound of course, but you caught every word

let me tell you, this boys heart broke for you when you told him that you did like him

you really really did

but the thought of being romantically involved with anyone made you shut down

Donnie assured you that it was fine

he'd wait for you as long as you needed

Raphael

Look, Raph knows a thing or two about being self conscious

out of all of his brothers he's the one who worries about his appearance the most

but you- holy shit he thinks you're the most amazing, perfect human in the world

so when he finds out that you hate being touched and that thinking about relationships makes your skin crawl he doesn't know whether to genuinely cry for you or punch someone in the mouth

both is okay

You'd always been very bold with your words and sometimes you'd even joke that you couldn't even tell when you were flirting with him

it just slipped out

and hearing that even though you could pull that off as easy as breathing and compliment all of them endlessly but you struggled to be comfortable in your own body?

that was a lot to unpack in one sitting

but the longer he sat with you and listened to you talk him through it the more he understood

sure, it was horrible

and he wouldn't likely stop thinking about hurting the people who'd done this to you (there'd be too many to count)

but you had a way of making him understand things

it was his favorite thing about you

"Uh- you know y/n, I uh- personally I think you look great. Like- all the time."

plz insert awkward finger guns here

there, your playful smirk was back and you were wiggling your eyebrows at him

"Awhhhh... is that Raph I see having feelings?"

Leonardo

he'd done enough listening and reading to know how society treated people who it thought was different

and he hated that you'd had to experience that for most of your life

when it came down to it and he saw that you had become particularly hard on yourself he took it upon himself to check in with you

that's how you'd started meditating with him

and you'd found it quite relaxing if you were completely honest

Leo told you that meditation was the best way to connect with your body and understand it

you hoped that in time you would understand what he meant by that

but the positive affirmations were doing something, so you'd take it

he'd always encourage you when you couldn't yourself

and always jump to your defense when the others got a little to out of bounds with their words

you still would noticeably flinch when touched without warning

they were all working with that

and he still found himself saddened that you'd recoil back into your protective walls if anyone mentioned anything inherently romantic

but you were coming around

and he was endlessly proud of you for that

Alright I hope I was able to get down what you were thinking. This one definitely took the most contemplating out of any of the requests I've gotten so I hope you like it!

#tmnt x reader #tmnt bayverse #tmnt headcanons #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt 2k16 #request #ask response #askbox

[thevirgodoll]

How to get over someone when they are the only person around and you are literally lonely and alone without theirs presence? Or just how to not tie my happiness with a person? I’m really not doing good

It’s actually not as bad as you think to depend on yourself. Being self reliant means you can depend on yourself and as a result, other people will find you more pleasing to be around.

You have to become comfortable in your own skin and learn how to stop being emotionally dependent. If you’ve been in codependent relationships and friendships, this may be why you have thought 100% reliance on another person was healthy.

No friend or partner should complete you. You are a complete person with complete attributes, and so is another person. They should simply add to your life. That is it.

It’s not good to rely on another person for guidance, reassurance, and clarification all of the time. Doing so objectifies them and makes them a tool that can fix your every problem.

1. You are responsible for your own feelings.

No one else is responsible for what you feel. You have to take accountability. It’s not anyone’s job to serve happiness to you on a platter.

Letting someone else’s actions control your every mood is a recipe for disaster. It can make one thing the other person does ruin your entire day. You’re giving your power to another person, and this will follow you in every friendship and relationship if you do not take accountability for your own problems.

2. You are responsible for your own growth.

A marker of growth is introspection. The ability to self reflect is crucial to your growth, and if you are looking to other people to validate everything for you, you may never get where you want to go. You have to discover yourself on your own terms, and by feeding into another person, you don’t have time for yourself.

You’re the only you you’ll ever have, so to waste time projecting your desires and dreams onto someone else is futile. Other people have their own needs to fulfill. You have to reframe your relationship with other people and yourself. The expectations you have created with other people is quite unrealistic, because it’s not another person’s job to be everything for you.

3. People don’t owe you everything.

You have to learn that we aren’t inherently owed anything in life. People don’t owe you a response when you deem fit, for example. They have their own lives, and you have yours as well.

On another note, people change, and can become incompatible. No one inherently owes you anything, except respect and decency.

You have to be appreciative of things and people in your life and understand that every moment is valuable. This appreciation should never morph into idolization.

You have to learn to look inward for solutions, because you know yourself best. Over time, you should know how to solve your own problems, and you should know to look at yourself first.

Blaming other people will never lead you to a positive outcome, because you’ll be waiting for them to give you the perfect solution. Instead of waiting for someone else to show up for you, you have to show up for yourself and validate yourself.

4. Loving yourself is not a waste of time.

A waste of time is worrying about everyone else and what they’re doing. Most people are too busy with their own lives. You do not want to be emotionally dependent for the rest of your life, because you do not love yourself enough. By being emotionally dependent, your needs aren’t met and you fail to meet them as well.

You need to practice these things:

•understanding your needs and how you can meet them

•pampering yourself

•inspiring yourself

•embracing solitude and embracing self reflection

•allowing yourself to be vulnerable with yourself, free of judgment

•be compassionate with yourself

•know the difference between realistic desires and unrealistic desires

•learn to recognize infatuation versus genuine attraction

•learn to recognize fear of abandonment

•practice shifting your focus away from things you truly do not need

5. Let go of your need to control others.

Recognize that it’s okay to be angry with what has happened, but there is nothing you can truly do. You can either do something reasonable within limits to improve the situation, or you can accept it for how it is. Your need to control others can limit your requirement to take better care of yourself. Which leads me to

6. Take other people off of pedestals.

Looking at people from a view of idolization can do more harm than anything else.

Change your thought processes.

•”My problems aren’t as important” vs. “My problems are equally as important as theirs”

•”This person is probably always right so I’m wrong” vs. “This person is like me, sometimes right and sometimes wrong.”

•”I am nothing without this person” vs. “They add something enjoyable to my life, but I believe in myself and I trust myself. If they leave, I will be okay with myself.”

Avoid idealizing anyone to a savior extent. Nobody is your savior, nobody needs to save you. Think of Cinderella by the Cheetah Girls.

You are rescuing yourself, you are making yourself the best you can. If you idealize someone, you escape reality, and that is something we cannot do. Wishful thinking sometimes can hurt you. The more you can do for yourself, the less you need others to do things for you - it’s more so an addition to your life.

If you find yourself interested in someone who shows little interest, engaging with someone who is emotionally distant, holding out hope for your idealization of who they are but they haven’t changed, or that you’re the only one doing anything for the dynamic, then you have to acknowledge the truth and take accountability. Let everyone be responsible for themselves rather than you taking responsibility for someone else. Don’t think in black or white and all or nothing thinking such as “If I don’t get what I want from them life is meaningless” just because of one person. You have to regard yourself higher than that.

You have to be determined in order to develop self reliance. It takes time.

Your job is to now:

•find things that make you feel good in life - new hobbies and activities

•accept that alone time is a normal part of life, and embrace it

•reframe your negative relationship with yourself

•learn to stop creating unrealistic expectations in your head of other people that cause you to need extreme amounts of reassurance and validation

•practice thinking rationally instead of extremes... “He/she broke up with me because I’m ugly...” versus “We broke up because it wasn’t meant to be. Now, I can work on myself and so can he/she”

•make a list of progress that you’re making, make a list of goals you want to achieve for yourself, make a list of things you want to change

Eventually, you will be so busy with yourself, you won’t have time to entertain ideas of “happiness being another person”. Cut out all ideas of this person, and let them live their life. Let go of any refusals to be happy. You have to tell yourself you’re going to do your best in spite of what may be happening. Go through my confidence tag and let yourself live! Be gentle, be kind, and know that it takes time, but it will be worth it.

#answered #advice

[prudencepaccard]

whenever I post about the same old angers I think of this conversation from two years ago with @injygo which was of the most insightful and revelatory dialogues I’ve ever had about my personal psychology

me: my psychiatrist asked me if I loved myself and I was like "I uh...I think I have a lot to offer...and I don't think I'm worthless...and I don't hate myself like I used to" and she was like "dude that's not good enough"

me: I definitely don't love myself

[note: I think I’m starting to now though]

injygo: <:ghosthug:585698760890515503>

me: like I think I'm talented and interesting but I feel deep down like I must be extremely annoying and unlikable and my voice must be grating and I don't know why anyone actually tolerates me

me: I understand why someone might keep me in their collection of eccentrics but not why anyone would want to spend any significant amount of time with me

[note: in early 2020 I was told by someone whose opinion I valued and whom I had wanted to meet for a long time that « the way I take up space is beautiful » which is one of the most validating things anyone could say to me because I have a complex about taking up space wrong/too much/etc.]

me: this in spite of the fact that I am actually extremely loved

me: I'm not *popular* but I'm not at a lack for devoted friends and family

me: but I'm like "okay surely people will come to their senses though"

injygo: does it help to think about how there's lots of different people in the world with different standards, and so there's not really a single scale of likability?

me: a little maybe

me: anyway my self-compassion is garbage and I knew that

me: I know I'm really harsh on myself and keep letting myself down

me: but I hadn't thought about it in those specific terms till she asked

me: like oh no I don't think I love myself, no

me: my loved ones don't love themselves either

me: I don't hate myself as much as I used to but I'm just extremely rigorous and harsh and impatient

me: I really have very very little compassion for myself at all

me: I don't even feel sorry for myself, usually

[linking thought redacted for interlocutor’s privacy]

me: whereas I tend to double down

me: like "yes so fuck everything, let's stay in bed and not eat"

injygo: you do feel sorry for yourself, but you can't usually "get to" it, if you get my meaning

me: what do you mean by get to it?

injygo: like you tell people stories about shitty things that have happened to you, hoping that something they say will reveal how you can forgive yourself for having been harmed and comfort yourself

injygo: like, you're going "hmm, that feels bad, i bet anyone would feel bad for me and try to comfort me, let's test that out" trying to get a response like "that sucks and shouldn't have happened", not because you deep down want other people to comfort you, but because you deep down want to comfort yourself and don't know how except with other people's words and reactions

me: it's possible

injygo: you stay in situations you hate long after you should, because you don't feel like your preferences matter or that you deserve good things, but you *want* to leave, and can't get to the point of saying "yeah, i shouldn't have to suffer this any longer"

injygo: like you're not a masochist, you're not suicidal, there's not a drive to punish yourself for the sake of punishment, it's just that you don't feel like you have the right to avoid bad things and seek good things, or to be comforted, or to have things be easy for you

me: yeah this is probably true

injygo: so you can easily get trapped in depressive spirals where you don't feel like you deserve to eat, or you don't feel like it matters if you're sad

injygo: but when you feel like you *do* deserve things, you're motivated to pursue them and you get mad at people who get in your way

injygo: which is honestly pretty enviable

me: thanks

me: I'm not 100% sure

>forgive yourself for having been harmed

is apt

me: but the rest is pretty accurate

injygo: yeah, i'm not quite sure what's up with your like, quasi-trauma-processing thing

me: "you shouldn't have to suffer like this" is really, really hard to grok when it's an OCD spiral

me: it feels baked in, like if X then Y

me: >yeah, i'm not quite sure what's up with your like, quasi-trauma-processing thing

elaborate?

me: god I just fucking

injygo: but there's definitely a thing where, uh, it's like if you painted a picture and you thought it was really good, but you can't say to yourself "yep this picture is good" until you've shown it to your friends and they've been like "hey, that's good!"

me: I know something really messed with me but I don't have any idea what's going on

me: I don't model myself as traumatized per se

injygo: like, you don't trust your own judgment about whether something hurt you, whether it was your fault, whether it's okay to feel bad about it

me: I also feel like my suffering doesn't matter because everyone else is worse off and/or deserved it less

me: so these anecdotes keep cropping up to you, because you feel like they're unresolved, but what you actually want, rather than being told that it sucked and shouldn't have happened, is for you to be able to say to yourself that it sucked and shouldn't have happened

me: probably yeah

injygo: you don't trust your ability to tell if the painting is good

me: this is definitely true

me: I'm very insecure like that

me: I undersell and undervalue myself

me: from only charging $40/hr [for one hour/week French tutoring that involved me coming to him from pretty far away and lesson planning and making exercises and where the guy I was tutoring balked at paying me that much and tried to bargain me down to $30 even though he had a ton of money and mentioned taking tennis lessons and how much you wanna bet the tennis instructor was making a whole lot more than $40 an hour]

me: to like

me: going "ugh it's true but why'd you have to say it" if someone calls me ugly

injygo: like this is not the bpd thing where you're constantly seeking validation -- borderlines feel good when they're validated, and it like, satisfies them completely (for a short time) when people are like "i like you and you matter"

injygo: they get "hungry" again, and they have to learn to provide it for themselves, but it's this feeling of desperation like "i will Literally Die if someone doesn't pay attention to me Right Now"

injygo: but with you it's more like, being faced with a door you don't know how to open, a feeling of bafflement and a vague sense that something can be done that isn't being done

injygo: like, you know how a dog acts when they're injured, and they come up to you holding their paw up, asking you to fix it

injygo: but a cat will be like "there is a thing that's wrong! help, human" but you don't know what thing it is, and they keep meowing at you and asking you to fix it, but you can't really figure out what to fix

me: and I'm the cat right

injygo: yeah

injygo: like "i'm pretty sure it shouldn't hurt to jump, but i don't see any way to fix it, so i guess i'll just deal"

me: mood

injygo: you're like "problem?" and people are like "yep, problem" and you're like "oh" and then "problem?" because you need *you* to tell yourself the things

[keepcalmandcarryfire]

From Eroica With Love incorrect quotes 😁😁

(just Dorian, James and Klaus because tbh I get everyone else mixed up way too much to do this with them)

Adding a read more bar right off the bat bc this is gonna be looooong.

James, texting: Answer your phone Dorian, texting back: Wait a minute, I can’t find my phone James: Understood James, 5 minutes later: You’re a terrible person. You know you’re killing me. You’re killing me, Dorian.

Dorian: *texting* Hey can you pick me up I’m drunk. Dorian: Oh you don't have to anymore. I'm home now. James: Yes, I'm aware of that after dropping you off at home.

Klaus: I’ve never been in a snowball fight before. I don’t know the rules. Dorian: What? Klaus: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

Dorian: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. James: Only if you also don't ask why. James: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of his bag* Dorian: ... Dorian, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

James: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon. Dorian: Spear. James: BLOCKED.

James: How much did you spend on this date? Dorian: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Dorian: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Dorian: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.

Klaus: Dorian, we tried things your way. Dorian: No, we didn't. Klaus: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Klaus: The next time I open up to someone, it'll be my autopsy.

James: You use emoji’s like a straight person. Dorian: That’s literally the worst thing anyone has ever said about me.

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. James: I choose to waive that right! James: *screaming*

Dorian: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Klaus: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Dorian: Th-that's not how that works-

James: Do you know a turtles only weakness? Dorian: No... well, their slowness. James: Their weakness is they can't roll over when they are on their backs. James: Now I have a plan. James: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

Dorian: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism. James: And you came to me?

James: How do tall people people possibly sleep at night when the blanket can't possibly cover you? Dorian: James, it's four o'clock in the morning. James: So, you can't sleep, huh? Is it because of the blanket?

Dorian: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Klaus: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

Dorian, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks. James: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

James: I can't imagine what Dorian is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Dorian: Are you mad? Klaus: No. Dorian: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Dorian: The time to act is now. Dorian: Wink, wink. James: Don't say "wink wink". Just wink. Dorian: Oh, sorry. Dorian: Wink.

James: Look, I’m glad everyone’s on the same page. James: But it’s the last page in a book titled “we’re all going to die”. Dorian: That’s not even clever.

Dorian: Do you want to play 20 Questions? James: Sure! James: What’s your favorite color? Dorian, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Klaus: Dorian... Dorian: Oh no, 'Dorian' in B flat. Dorian: You're disappointed.

Dorian: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it. James: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

James: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Dorian. James: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. James: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. Dorian: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. James: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. Dorian: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. James: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

Dorian: Relationships should be 50/50. James cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

Dorian: I think I just figured something out. I got to go. Klaus: Aren't you forgetting something? Dorian: Uuh...*hesitantly kisses Klaus's forehead before running out.* Klaus: No, pay your bill! Damn, who raised you?

James: You read my diary? Dorian: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

James, looking at a selfie of Dorian’s: I hate this photo. Dorian: I’m cute as fuck in that photo! I’m smiling kindly. James: You’re not smiling kindly; you look like you’re up to something. Dorian: Up to kindness.

Klaus: I’m genuinely surprised you haven’t gotten arrested, let alone gotten a felony yet. Dorian: Nat 20 Charisma. Klaus: That is NOT how that works-

Dorian: We have fun, don’t we, James? James: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Dorian: James! Have you no dignity? James: Of course not! How long have we known each other?

Klaus, to the Alphabets: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

Dorian: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. Dorian: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

Dorian: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Klaus: Okay. Dorian: And make out during the scary parts. Klaus: Th- Klaus: The scary parts. Klaus: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

James: I want to kiss you. Dorian, not paying attention: What? James: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

James: Did you like the food I made? Dorian: No, not really. James: But I put my heart and soul into it! Dorian: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.

Dorian: I made tea. Klaus: I don't want tea. Dorian: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea. Klaus: Then why did you tell me? Dorian: It's a conversation starter. Klaus: It's a horrible conversation starter. Dorian: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Dorian: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment...at all? James: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

Klaus: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Dorian: To everyone who has treated me poorly; I am sexier than you.

James: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

Klaus: All of your existences are confusing. The Alphabets: How so? Klaus: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you upsets me.

Klaus: I could kill you if I wanted. Dorian: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

#incorrect quotes #from eroica with love

[bigskydreaming]

I’m almost more bothered by fics that don’t take an actively antagonistic stance towards Dick’s character, because what’s so often viewed as a GOOD storyline for Dick in fanfics is just like.....100% connected to my issues with fanon.

What I mean is this:

So many Batfam fics, even when they think they’re being kind or generous to Dick’s character, treat any relationship Dick develops or demonstrates with Jason in-story as Dick’s redemption arc, for being a shitty brother/person before a certain point.

And then on top of that, a ton of fics that include all the way through Damian by their starting point, then proceed to use any relationship (or attempt at one) between Dick and Tim.....as Dick’s redemption arc, for being a shitty brother/person to Tim at the Robin-Red Robin transition.

And then on top of THAT, you have the Batfam fics that focus on post-Spyral interactions with his family as....Dick’s redemption arc for being a shitty brother/person there, and during the Ric Grayson era we had ‘fix-it fic’ after fic whose idea of fixing it was picking things up at some point after Dick got his memories back and then proceeding to write Dick’s redemption arc for Ric being a shitty brother/person there. And even going all the way back to Bruce and Dick’s era of estrangement before Tim came along, there’s still absurdly so many fics over the years dedicated to....Dick redeeming himself in other characters’ eyes for that chasm with absolutely no effort in the same fics shown towards having Bruce work towards any kind of remption for his own behavior.

Historically speaking, the vast majority of fics tagged as Dick Grayson, stretching back years and still very much present now as well, are almost predominantly ALL somehow some kind of redemption arc for Dick.....

Specifically in regards to events and dynamics which have absolutely no basis (or at most an extremely skewed and one-sided one) in the source material. 

In fact, in the majority of most of the situations Dick’s being ‘redeemed’ for in fanfics, he either did the complete OPPOSITE of what he’s being punished/forced to make up for in fics, such as how his efforts in reaching out to Jason despite his own understandable bitterness stands in direct contradiction of the years of neglect and bitterness towards Jason that fics posit and theorize existed purely so that he has something TO redeem himself for in fics.....

Or then other times in the source material, he’s the literal actual victim of the things that he’s not only being held solely accountable and in need of redemption for in fics, like when he was beaten into going undercover for the sake of his family.....and then has to redeem himself for that in his family’s eyes......or when he was alienated, neglected and gaslit by his family while amnesiac.....and then has to redeem himself for that in his family’s eyes.....

And even in the cases where its SAID within a fic’s narrative (or more accurately, usually its said in the comments sections of fics as fic authors respond to people being disgusted with Dick by saying ‘no don’t be too hard on him’ and offering up justifications for Dick’s actual actions and understanding for his POV that for some reason never make it into the actual text of fics), like, even then, at most these fics TELL us that the flaws of Dick’s that they’re focusing on are understandable and its just human of him to be resentful of Jason as Robin, or overwhelmed and grief-stricken when he made Damian Robin at Tim’s expense, or traumatized and not thinking clearly when he ‘agreed’ to go undercover at Spyral.....

But meanwhile, what the fics actually SHOW us, beyond a few half-hearted defenses of Dick that usually are not at all substantiated by any other characters.....is Dick remorsefully doing the work of making up for the things he did so terribly, terribly wrong and that there’s actually no excuse for.

With this showing being a lot more evident and focused-upon than we ever see fics show Jason working towards earning Tim’s forgiveness and trust for almost killing him, or Damian doing the same, fics just skip past these things entirely to say ‘oh they’re better now’ but like....with Dick....its like the only storyline a ton of writers have any interest in writing for Dick....

Is a redemption arc.

Actively focusing on and SHOWING Dick putting in the work of being apologetic, remorseful, self-loathing, and absolutely committed to doing better by his siblings even if they never actually forgive him - with whether or not he can eventually ‘earn’ his way to a positive relationship with them far from a given - and any and all of his positive attributes or the positives of his actual relationships with various characters all but completely ignored or glossed over, to keep the focus entirely on Dick learning to do better.....

Than the crimes or slights against his siblings that authors first manufactured or exaggerated or took completely out of context, just to HAVE a reason for Dick to need to do better in the first place.

As I’ve said many times before, anyone is free to do whatever they want with fanfic, its an innately transformative medium, but its always going to be significant and worth attention in my mind, that so much of the transformation from the source material when it comes to Dick Grayson is entirely focused around and committed to transforming him from a hero that everyone loves and respects, a guy that always does his best to go above and beyond for family even when he has understandable reasons not to, and the literal inspiration for almost every second generation hero out there, including his own successors......

Into a guy that most people can’t stand, regard as irrelevant to their own careers let alone anyone worth looking up to, and constantly letting people down, especially his family.

All while there’s little to no attention paid to all the reasons in the source material that other characters most definitely have things they’ve said or done to Dick Grayson that need or deserve redeeming for.

Like the physical violence every single member of his family except Duke has inflicted on him at some point.

Or the victim blaming that’s so ingrained into his storylines and reader receptions of his storylines that even the fics that tackle redeeming Jason, Tim, etc for their behavior towards Dick post-Spyral limit this particular redemption to ‘we’re sorry we treated you badly when we didn’t know all the facts’ instead of ‘we’re sorry we treated you badly, full stop’ and ‘we’re sorry we passed judgment without even TRYING to know what all the facts were’ and ‘we’re sorry we display so little interest in your life or your traumas that even now when we’ve been informed you actually died and had to be forced into pretending to stay dead, we have zero interest in exploring if there’s anything else we might be missing if we could miss out on the whole ‘oh you really DID die’ part in the first place, and forget about us actually owning and apologizing for the specifics of how our behavior towards you was unacceptable even if we HAD been right in our interpretation of events.’

Or when mentions of the slutshaming and victim-blaming he endured during the Tarantula and Mirage storylines are limited to just that....mentions made of offscreen characters like Babs or the Titans.....with pretty much no stories I can think of, existing as ‘redemption arcs’ that tackle those characters actually working to redeem themselves for their behavior and trying to earn back Dick’s broken trust in them. Its usually just Jason and/or others finding out, telling Dick ‘hey your friends shouldn’t have done that either’ and then going off and murdering Mirage and Tarantula, the end, because....that fixes everything?

And forget about Bruce redeeming himself for his behavior - the way he works to put in the effort and fix things in so many ‘Jason returns to the family’ fics - but even when actual mention is made of the things Bruce HAS done wrong to Dick or needs redeeming for, its mostly just waved off as ancient history that he’s remorseful about but there’s no apparent need or effort to focus on Bruce putting that remorseful energy into action and actively on the page trying to bridge the gap he created in SO MANY storylines, again and again and again. ‘Bruce is just like that,’ a lot of stories shrug, about the time Bruce made Dick actually feel unwelcome in his own home and forced him to be the one to leave, unlike the way ‘its unacceptable for Dick to be like this’ energy is applied to stories about Dick forcing Tim to leave Wayne Manor....an action that has to be invented for a story’s purposes, of course, given that in the actual source story, Dick relocated himself and Damian to the penthouse anyway, and Wayne Manor was open and available to Tim and Dick never so much as implied otherwise.

Or look at how the adoption issue so often plays out....with it treated as though Bruce finally adopting Dick in adulthood just ‘fixes’ all the angst before that point, like it just overwrites everything he felt or experienced before and up until that.....with very little fandom energy paid to neither just castigating Bruce for not adopting Dick earlier or acting like adoption is a magic all-better now band-aid, but rather examining that both these things can coexist, and Dick can be happy and relieved and pleased to finally have the adoption he not-so-secretly wanted, even if only in adulthood, but that doesn’t mean the mental and emotional upset of his later teen years when he really, really, really could have used that declaration of being family rather than just a ward....like, there’s room for that to have still taken a toll and be worthy of awareness and regret on Bruce’s part, not for taking so long to adopt Dick, but for the damage Dick felt and suffered through BECAUSE of it. 

Its not even about vilifying or punishing Bruce for this, because ironically, like....redemption arcs aren’t actually supposed to be just about punishment or whatever? Its about acknowledging where wrong was done and GETTING what that means for the person who was wronged.....even if it can’t be undone.

People can get this when its Dick being written as having the redemption arc.

So where the hell is this understanding of what actual redemption MEANS, when its Dick that other characters have things to make up for?

The funny, ironic, cognitive dissonant thing about Dick Grayson in fanfics, is the vast majority of his appearances and storylines all somehow come back towards being his redemption arc in some way or form.....

For the made-up or exaggerated fanon crimes applied to him in fic, but that HE’S usually the actual recipient of in canon.

See, its not an obsession with canon that’s the reason for the disconnect between Dick Grayson fans and the takes favored by fans of most other characters.

Its the fact that the transformative energy of fanfiction, in his case, so often is utilized to give HIM reason to tackle the redemption arcs that OTHER characters owe HIM, but that so many of these fans don’t WANT to write their own faves being subjected to.....because they’re fans of these characters as heroes. They have no interest in reading or writing their favorite characters redeeming themselves for actions or behavior they personally don’t view as in character for them.

.....with the cognitive dissonant part in particular, being the way so many of these exact same fans turn around and express shock and bewilderment that Dick’s fans are simlarly uninterested in wanting to read nothing but their favorite character redeeming himself for actions or behavior we personally don’t view as in character for him....because it usually isn’t, according to the original stories BEFORE fanfic transforms him from victim of other beloved characters into victimizer of them instead.

And lol, many of us don’t actually want to see him as victim of other beloved heroes either! We’re in agreement there! Its why we come to fanfic instead of canon in the first place....to find stories where he’s not casually and regularly mistreated by other characters we like. But instead we usually only find stories that take everything people don’t want to see other characters doing to him, and making him do it to others. That’s not an improvement for us, lol! That’s just taking one problem and exchanging it for another. 

Flipping the script to make Dick the victimizer instead of other characters only fixes things if the only concern is making sure those characters aren’t seen as victimizers.

The really annoying part is how so many people can be so clear and cognizant of not wanting this for their own faves....yet are surprised, dismissive and disdainful of Dick’s fans....expressing the EXACT SAME FEELINGS.....about our own fave.

[goblinconceivable]

All The Feels

Random bulletpoints of Annie/Jeff analysis because I am overcome with shippiness.  :D  Also more like bullet-lengthy-paragraphs.  You tried, self, you tried.

Pascal’s Triangle (PT) is not a love triangle.  

Sure, look at the top two rows and you’ve got a binary split, ie, choice between two women.  But PT is row based, your current row based on the one above.  It’s complex.  Look below the binary surface of choice to row 3, where it actually becomes PT, where the complexity begins (and Community is about complexity.)  1, 2, 1, a total of 4. The 2 is the merging of the two 1s from row two - Ie, two women who get lumped together.  And beyond them is a 1 that springs out of nowhere - Annie.  Surprise!

Kiss at the end of S1

Jeff’s major deal is being afraid of expressing caring/vulnerability, while desperately craving/needing it.  Britta and Slater were both saying they loved him, and he does want to take that, but runs scared because they are  challenging him to admit his feelings in public, which no one who really knows and cares about him would do.  His scene with Annie is private. And she isn’t asking him FOR anything, she’s just asking what’s up, because she cares about the answer.  He feels safe, he opens up, it’s intimacy, which is both giving and taking.  Notably he admits he’s glad she’s staying after his share, this is him saying he cares about her too.

His explanation of the situation is a perceived choice between being the New Year’s guy (who he wants to be) and the Three Weeks Later guy (who he is.)  But the thing about New Year’s is the initial momentum always fades, and you have to put in the work, which Slater doesn’t help him with.  And he WON’T be able to sustain it on is own.  The guy he IS isn’t who he wants to be, it’s just giving up, rather than striving, even if imperfectly, to reach those goals.  Annie falls into the sweet spot: she understands what his default is, but shows him that he CAN be the man he wants to be, shows him what those steps ARE, encourages him to take the steps to be that person, and rewards him when he succeeds.  Which he does, with her behind him.  

And she kisses him first.  Which is an offering similar to Britta and Slater’s public announcements, but through action, not words.  Jeff uses words as shield and weapon, as did the other two.  Bypassing this essentially shortcircuits his brain.  His brain will warp and analyze and question, but she kisses him gently, an invitation not a demand.  He’s already put aside his sword and shield during their talk, and doesn’t feel the need to pick them up because he feels safe and cared for and is okay accepting and reciprocating that.

Play

Jeff is all adult and aloof and beyond such petty childish pursuits such as play, which is the scoffed at domain of Annie/Troy/Abed.  But he actually really wants it.  It likely stems in part from his loss of a proper childhood, but it’s also just who he is.  Imagination isn’t just for the young, the loss of the ability to play is an oft-bemoaned feature of adulthood, one the learned remind us we ought recapture.  (And a joy of parenthood is getting to do that through your children.)  But look, he literally was playacting being a lawyer.  It’s how he engages with the world.  He just justified that as a means to an end and did it for power and profit, rather than for enjoyment.

We see this, I argue, when responding to Annie’s playacting they were married. Annie anticipates a bad reaction, but he doesn’t give one.  No judgment.  He then establishes it’s not a deeper issue (”do I have to worry about this” ie, is this real/insanity).  When he says “I can tell you one thing your fantasy got wrong...” he’s not challenging her, or even taking offense, and while he’s not entering into her fantasy world (which is over anyway), he’s offering fodder.  He’s involving himself in the narrative process for her benefit.  And in the couched language of daydream he’s reassuring her -if- it was true, he would be devoted.  IF is a super important word in play, because you don’t have to believe, for example, you ARE a pirate.  You just need to act as IF you were a pirate.

Also cute, I take as justified fanon the deleted scene where he orders her appletini.  He was whining to her about it but it was relaxed because they both know he’d do it anyway.  And when the bartender turns out to be a believer in Annie’s created fantasy world, Jeff stops himself from correcting him and destroying the world.  Instead, he lets it persist just far enough to let himself glance at Annie as if it was true, and in that moment he sees her through the eyes of fantasy, and sees a beautiful woman, rather than all the complexity of their relationship.

Then there’s basically all the giant Greendale instances of play.  Which one way or the other, he gets roped into and ends up jumping into with abandon.  (Paintball, lava etc.)  And they’re often paired, because he enjoys playing with her, and the “if this” acts as license for them to explore their compatibility.  And their capers, when they pair up in the “real world”, is really just a sophisticated form of play.  As brought up pointedly when they were searching for the ASB, there’s a dual nature here.  They aren’t just buddies, like Troy and Abed, who are also very fantasy oriented (cardboard submarine!).  There’s a level of daydream beneath the fantasy world where they can set aside the complexities of their relationship, and say “if we’re solving this crime, then we can live in this bubble and just be together.”

I also really love the whole Professor Professorson episode because of course the layers are just so intricate and delightful when they unfold.  He tackles her which was total overreaction, he’s in a heightened world and committed to it.  They plot out this crazy intricate play to teach the Dean a lesson together, where they involve real emotions.  Many of which are Annie’s, but that means they’re creating a world in which it is safe to amplify her feelings which they are both aware of but are usually repressed, especially by Jeff.  And he praises her for that later (she went off book and deceived like a master) rather than being uncomfortable.  They exit play safely because they trust each other while playing and can leave that permissive world as an if.  And it ends with the blanket fort collapsing and cocooning them.  It is a play space literally being broken, begging the question of how much impact our play can have on our real selves.

Season 6

So basically I think I missed fandom the first time around and just binged on meta and there’s (fanon?) that Jeff spent the season looking for her attention, but Annie had pulled back?  I zipped through a bunch of scenes they were in together, and heartily agree.  Also I think I went a little nutty but What I see:

Annie doesn’t ignore him or anything, but where she might have previously inserted herself in his life, she starts to let him fend for himself while she diverts her attention to other relationships, and treats him more like she does the others.  I don’t think she really does anything like taking his class so she can evaluate his teaching and bludgeon him into being better?  But when they’re in a situation, like City College’s ad, she stands up to him as normal, challenging him to be better and do the right thing, as she always has.  Rewards him with approval when he does, and his whispered “thank you” is the cutest thing ever because it’s an intimate choice in a rather boisterous exchange.

Meanwhile Jeff does seem to spend a lot of time and energy trying to get back to a place where he’s first in her eyes.  There are a lot of shots in S6 a the Table and group scenes that involve him looking at her disproportionately, first, last, or only when speaking, esp when they’re all at the table.  When I went back and tried to do the same to S5 those scenes are set up a bit differently and I saw less of it but I think there’s just fewer group scenes in general though?.  In S6, he often ends a comment directed at the group (non table) by looking at Annie, indicating he wants her response, and thus her attention and engagement.  And often, she is the next person to speak.  Which is her personality as a leader, which supports the idea that while he’s seeking her out, she isn’t necessarily responding to that but just being her. 

Finale

I’ve sort of run myself dry thinking through other things.  And great analysis is plentiful and most recent.  So not even bullet points just ramble But:

Oh3, so when Garrett proposed and Abed noted Jeff had a funny look, he’s been daydreaming marrying Annie for that lone plus longer?  That took me a long time to put together as an actual literal thing.

Oh2, it’s all canon that he has issues with prolonged eye contact because he doesn’t want people to see him broken and he doesn’t break eye contact through any of this.  He knows she knows he’s broken already and is quietly fine with her seeing everything and this is a moment for *sobs*

Oh wait hey, so callback to that bit where she’s like “your words don’t mean anything” and he’s like “That’s what conversation is, people saying things to get stuff.”  Because he’s 100% not trying to get anything by telling her he’s let her go.  And he means a lot by saying it.  And if he said “I love you” there’s an implied sense of obligation to say it back and since he means romantically he can’t do that.  So this is just him letting her know, no pressure, no expectation, that he loves her and has loved her but it’s okay because she’s free and he wants her to be free because he loves her.  And he means it so hard when she says “kiss me goodbye” he’s all “you don’t owe me anything.”

But she does love him too, except she knows she’s in a different place emotionally and professionally.  And it’s sweet and a gift because she doesn’t make this about her but about him and his feelings.  So she preempts his regrets because she knows he WON’T kiss her goodbye unless she invites him to.  There’s something I’m reaching for and can’t find here.  She doesn’t admit to anything because there’s no point?  It would just hurt him either way?  Sharing her feelings through action rather than words?

And so much squee thinking how far everyone’s come for this scene to be a thing which could happen.

Callback to Annie’s marriage fantasy when Jeff has his own.  Hers was external, by her personality (esp at the time of her maturation) and thus public and psychologically working out a reasonable feeling of abandonment as she gave their fictional selves marital difficulties.  His is very internal, and occurs after Abed, always so reliable as a gateway to fantasy, turns the tables on him.  He’s experiencing reasonable feelings of abandonment, and while he runs, it’s to a safe space of “what if,” a coping mechanism he has learned, and which allows for working out of psychological issues.  

It’s dual: in that the larger issue is his need for a sense of stability.  Though he’s staring at the table the scene doesn’t involve Greendale at all, he already had that fantasy.  This is about wanting a life outside of the safe zone of the college.  And while he suggests a dog as an option he imagined a kid because having one represents stability for him - it was his father who left, and he won’t leave.  If there’s a kid, this is a life, Annie can’t leave.  But he offers her imaginary self complete editing powers, because all he really wants is to be able to love and be loved.  It’s indulgence, a desperate grasp at balm because while he let her go, he can’t let her -go.-  He was okay with being close friends, they do love each other as friends.  See his pitch.  But faced with losing that, he’s stripped bare.  He indulges in his supressed hearts desire and is faced with the reality of what he already knows: it’s not in the cards.

And he’s stripped down to insecurities that aren’t limited to Annie.  It’s cute how they jive over Marvel, though it’s weird to me and takes up more time and weird dramatic looking around that doesn’t feel playful enough to be justified.  The tone of their voices is too serious, it’s a mismatch.  I like how he admits the huge thing that he let her go as far as he has control, and suddenly a time pressure is on their alone time.  Everything is immediate right now, everything happening fast.  I wonder what Annie would have said if not for the text.  But that’s the thing, it’s the wrong time for them and this is a goodbye.  It’s too late but just under the wire all at once.

In this chapter at least.  In the safety of the group Annie brings up a season 7, which we all know could happen years down the line.  Would have been more fitting if she said movie though.  Still, he takes that as the comfort in which it was intended.

WTF with his all coed season 7?  Yes, we cut to it so it totally isn’t happening, but has he put his issues to rest and is just fantasizing crap or what?  It makes no sense to me.

I love that he not only puts her first after she invites him to kiss her goodbye by asking “what about you,” but is -asking for consent.-  He doesn’t even move towards her until he gets it, he’s literally just standing back.  What’s up with the penis thing?  Meta reference to shortcut arguments that it’s not true love but lust?  Is it Jeff acknowledging his own cynicism and how he’s dropped it?  Since he’s so clearly not in a lust mode here.  Is he adding a tiny bit of his usual pointed add ins to his speeches?

I guess it’s like...  this is one of his speeches, but it feels out of place because of his delivery?  Which is beautifully subdued and resigned and honest and just defeated, but defeated in the sense that he defeated all the barriers he still keeps around himself.  

and goodbye hug and kiss at the airport.

#community #jeff x annie #meta

[ameliasbones]

post-au update // may 11

amelia bones

Amelia recently got an FC change! So I am super excited to keep playing more & more & more of that.

I know she has been kinda “hiding” at home the last month or so, extremely torn up about the Daphne situation. Home is now no. 3 Low Street, by the way, with Nash!! If anyone’s seen her, it’s Nash and whoever else has popped by their flat.

Has truly kept her head down about most things and is looking forward to throwing herself back into dueling/boxing club now that Daphne is awake and OKAY after all!! I will try to get new duelling club partners soon, m’dears <3 the last switch of the year ?

greta catchlove

has been EXTREMELY busy with school! i’m calling the last month or so “audition season” for the WADA. it sort of acts as a final exam, seeing if you can book a role or multiple roles.

sadly, Greta has not booked ONE audition! and because of this, has been throwing herself completely back into the modelling world. of course, she is still very pleased with the steady income, but can’t help but feel complacent in a world she feels she’s outgrown.

she’s been offered a summer job in japan (trendy ever since the Olympics), but has no idea if she is going to take it because she was REALLY looking forward to spending time with friends this summer. oh lord what’s she gonna do !!??

hollie hopkirk

hollie & gideon made up on gideon & fabian’s birthday! that man is her strawberry shortcake. love u bitch, never gonna stop lovin u bitch <3

on may 8th, after margo’s birthday party, there was a large blowup between professor egg & hollie. the truth was revealed -- that he does not trust a girl who was married when he slept with her!!! among other judgmental things she was always quite afraid of being pointed out. basically, he blew up her insecurities on a loudspeaker and does not 100% approve of how she mothers or handles her education. SUPER SUPER YIKES! steven egg is TRULY the superior egg in this situation, y’all love you sir toothless <3 trust no bitch

jennifer burke

she is about four months pregnant now. holy shit, how time flies. and though she is a very petite woman, she IS pregnant with twins! so she definitely has a cute lil bump popping out ~

and just like amelia, has truly been avoiding EVERYBODY. lex, peter, vivian, and even her dormmates. so literally if you were wondering where you stood with jen right now, she has quite literally disappeared since the day she learned she was having twins. except for classes, girl still attends classes

is looking forward to band practice commencing soon! will hit y’all up with those deets soon. and if you missed out on band tryouts & still wanna join, just message me on discord

nell fawley

nell hasn’t been avoiding anyone, because she quite literally never talks to anyone in the first place LOL gotta love the accidental anti-social hottie

extremely Depressed, yet handling it with some,,, Class,,, if you call turning your workaholic self into more of a workaholic. is just extremely ready for exams to be done, because she has been studying like crazy and it’s doing her head in!!!

pls someone come save this woman from horrible posture and sitting at a desk all day

#updates*

[ryttu3k]

Doing those ship meme questions only it's the new OT3 (Beckett/Sascha/Ilias) because they're my main source of serotonin these days. Occasional appearances from Anatole and Lucita, too.

Not doing all, but there are A Lot.

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

Beckett and Sascha actually do have a lot of braincells between them but none of them are in use for 'can sense danger'. Ilias has gained some minor common sense since his 'hey, I'm going to ask our Antediluvian for power to help face its favourite childe oh whoops I am possessed' thing and is usually the one sighing fondly and saving their asses.

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

Ilias. 100% Ilias. He would go out in public in a shirt saying 'I <3 Sascha' and calling them ‘my flower’ while Sascha is just pleased they can't blush any more.

3. Who's the one who listens to a music genre the other doesn't like and how does the other react

God their music tastes are all over the place. Sascha is over a thousand years old and has seen and heard A Lot. They consider the Romantic period 'modern music'. Beckett is similar albeit with about 350 years of it. Ilias got hurled from 1233 to 2004 and after a period of ??? went, "Oh, Romanian music!" and it was. Dragostea Din Tei. Like can you imagine one moment it’s 1233 and the next moment you are listening to Dragostea Din Tei. Also thanks to the language drift they only caught about a quarter of the words so it was this whole thing where he almost, almost was understanding it but the rest was just, “...what.” And that’s how Ilias discovered modern music.

Anyway yeah they’ve pretty much decided that their collective music tastes are so disparate no one is allowed to comment on them.

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

Honestly, they all kind of spoil each other, albeit in different ways. Like Ilias will just randomly pop a handmade flower crown on Sascha’s head. Beckett will occasionally find an extremely rare book on his desk and know Sascha found it for him. Beckett always tells Sascha first when he’s found something cool so they can be the first to investigate it. And they absolutely get competitive, yeah.

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

Sascha and Ilias have a mutual blood bond, which is more or less the equivalent of thus. Beckett has a mutual bond with Anatole, but he and Sascha have a level-2 bond.

7. Are their friends/family supportive

 Honestly, uh, Sascha and Ilias don’t really have anyone else. Beckett’s companions tend to range from, “They’re terrifying but I trust your judgment :D” (Anatole) to “hahahahahaha if Vykos harms one hair on Beckett’s head I’ll end them” (Lucita) to “WHY” (Aristotle, Okulos, most others tbh).

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

Sascha is the one most prone to panic attacks because trauma is a bitch and basically just... Beckett and Ilias both respond by with hugging/gentle restraint (if they’re okay with touch) or by giving them space and doing things like running a hot bath when they’re touch-averse.

9. Which one dissociates

Honestly Sascha spent most of 1234 to 2006 lowkey dissociating, which is fair when there’s literally another essence fused to yours. Post-Dracon, they still get the occasional dissociative episode, but it’s much easier to bring them back to themself.

10. Which one stares at the other's booty like “damn” and how does the other react when catching them

All three tbh. Beckett stares at Sascha, Sascha either gets a bit self-conscious or a bit ;) , depending on mood. Sascha stares at both Beckett and Ilias and gets a bit embarrassed when caught (Beckett will laugh it off, Ilias will basically be ;D). Ilias stares at both and is completely shameless about it because he may no longer be on the Path of Pleasure but he’s absolutely not going to feel ashamed for admiring his gorgeous lovers.

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

Beckett and Sascha travel too much for one place, honestly, and Ilias accompanies them a lot. They do have a few houses scattered throughout the world, though, including one in the Carpathians (nowhere near Brasov, tyvm). Not really as big as the monastery, it’s mostly like... big library, a few comfortable places to sleep or rest, Ilias likes having a garden these days and grows a lot of flowers.

12. What do their dates look like

Museum heists.

13. How does each act when getting drunk

Ilias gets even more handsy. Actually he can get to be a bit of a pain, but he does listen immediately if one of them tells him to tone it down. Beckett gets very enthusiastic and fired-up and a bit more feral and he’s gonna go find Enoch right now and prove Caine wasn’t real once and for all. Sascha, uh, tends to get a bit emotional and also very talkative, but can literally like. Talk their way into minor breakdowns. Basically less barriers.

14. Which one rolls over in the morning evening to wake up the other one just to kiss them

All three :3

15. Have they saved each other's lives before

Yup!

Ficverse-wise, Sascha did also save Ilias from becoming a bogatyr to the Eldest, although that was also Sascha and Beckett both saving themselves by being emotionally honest. Yeah XD

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Ilias’ spirituality conflicts a bit with Beckett’s... atheism, I guess? Like he’s definitely not sure he believes in the spirits that Ilias regularly works with as a Koldun, but he’s willing to keep a relatively open mind. (He’s a bit less open-minded in Sascha’s belief in - and support of - Caine, given that he’s literally based his career around the metaphor theory!)

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

Sascha.

They have troll tendencies, okay.

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

There is absolutely no kinkshaming here. Listen Ilias was a Priest of Jarilo. Sascha was once on the Path of Pleasure too. Beckett seduced Dracula for information then forgot to ask his question. They’re all very open about everything.

There may be teasing about the odd hobby or interest but it’s pretty lighthearted.

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

Beckett occasionally has Moments over his hands and worries about hurting Sascha or something. They basically respond by being like “are you kidding the claws are hot as hell”. On occasion, Beckett will get one of them to Vicissitude them down if he wants to use his hands more, although they’ll regrow and be achey for a night or two afterwards.

20. Say they were cuddling on the bed while listening to record player playing the background. Which song is playing?

Honestly I want to say Third Eye by Florence + the Machine just for fic reasons. When I was writing Mantle I saw it very much as Beckett towards Sascha, but it fits with Ilias towards them as well.

I have no idea how they would have discovered F+tM but anyway.

23. What kinda joyrides do they go on? Relaxing ones or wild ones?

It. I imagine it usually involves police chases. When it doesn’t Beckett will occasionally go wolf so he can stick his head out the car window like :P

Shh don’t tell anyone.

25. Do people ever get annoyed of their pda

God probably. One of the main exceptions is Anatole, who’ll basically go, “Oh! Are we cuddling?” and flop on top of Beckett.

27. Which one’s the red, which one’s the blue

They’re all red. Fear. Ilias is probably closest to blue.

28. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

Sascha has both PTSD (from Symeon and Michael, and from the Eldest) and C-PTSD (from being bound to the Dracon for literal centuries). Also depression and anxiety, which are... pretty common with those. See question 8 for some of the coping methods, the rest is just... taking each day as it comes. Like they’ve lived a very long time, but they only got free of the Dracon in 2006, so it’s still a very new thing.

Ilias has some trauma from some of the things he’s had to do to survive since waking up with the Thirst of Ages, and gets into guilt spirals on occasion. He mostly focuses on Path of Nocturnal Redemption methods to work through it; he’s kind of adverse to anyone seeing him vulnerable like that. He knows Sascha has done some awful shit, but they weren’t themself at the time so Ilias feels it doesn’t count, and Beckett is like, Humanity 6? He just doesn’t get it, so Ilias keeps it to himself.

Beckett has an odd, acquired one - his experiences in Jerusalem left him with the ability (if it could be called an ability!) to occasionally hear the Cobweb (the Malkavian Madness Network). While his connection isn’t nearly as strong as an actual Malkavian’s, he does get odd flashes of Insight; less helpfully, it can occasionally get, uh, loud in his head. This tends to ramp up a bit with proximity to Malkavians, so when he’s around Anatole, Anatole will help him filter the voices and thoughts out by teaching him meditation techniques. (Given that Anatole - correctly - feels responsible for Beckett being afflicted thus, he wants to make sure it doesn’t hit his lover too badly.)

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

Give Beckett head scritchies and he’ll turn into a puddle :3

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

*loud, prolonged laughter*

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

Sascha and Ilias are usually... very chill; if they argue, it’s over the other’s safety, like Ilias wanting to do something reckless and Sascha being very much ‘please do not’. Sascha and Beckett argue a bit more, although thankfully they have now stopped trying to literally kill each other XD When they do, it’s usually ideological, related to Gehenna, Caine, et cetera. Sascha is still very much a part of the Sabbat, and Beckett is, well, basically an atheist.

40. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

All three tbh. Here’s a fun bit from the novel:

Still really dig this bit from BJD, too!

No misgendering on Beckett’s watch!

42. How would one react if the other was to die

Uh.

Poorly.

Like most of Sascha’s sanity slippage was due to the Dracon’s essence being fused to their own and just how the Eldest... did that, but a good part of it was absolutely due to Ilias’ death.

43. Who dies first

...canonically, Ilias XD;;

It’s okay he gets better.

#vampire the masquerade #feral nerd #mx meat crimes #tzinnamon roll #caymanshipping #heartflowershipping #ivoryringshipping

[thtdamfangirl4]

There are sexual harassers, assaulters, and rapists out there. Far more than will ever be reported. Far more than will ever be convicted. This is not a joke, and it is borne of a society which allows men to skate through life on blades of toxic masculinity over the slippery surface of privilege.

Men hate the phrase toxic masculinity. They think it means we are decrying anything that makes a man manly. This is not the case. We are defending your right to be manly, because you are a man. Even if you cry. Even if you don’t like sex. Even if you defy gender roles. Toxic masculinity is a set of expectations for men that have permeated generations, causing young boys to be raised to believe that that are not responsible for their own actions and that they must always be stoic. Men are brought up to believe that they are entitled to a women because that’s how things go: men are attracted to all attractive women and every woman in her right mind must be attracted to you too, because you are strong and manly and you have earned her respect simply by the virtue of being a man. And if you do not subscribe to these values, you are seen as less than. Under the ideals of toxic masculinity, men are shamed for or restricted from being gay, being trans, not sleeping around, having open and communicative relationships, being “just” friends with a woman, reaching out for help, acknowledging insecurity, expressing emotion, even liking a fucking color or a fruity drink.

It also has permeated generations of women, who have been told to wear longer skirts or a top with sleeves because boys will be distracted in school. It has affected women who have come forward to say that they have been violated, and yet no one will believe them. It affects women who want to be independent. It affects all women who have any form of a relationship with a man, be it familial, friendly, sexual, or romantic. For these women are expected to bear the emotional weight of human connection. It has affected every woman who has ever been told they were too emotional, despite the fact that many men have been brainwashed into emotional constipation that builds up until their feelings explode over the people they care about. It affects everyone.

And we all know about the effects that our society’s views on what it means to be a man has on the truly corrupted men. The ones who take these values and use them as excuses to violate women and men and children. We know about the rapists and the assaulters and the harassers (though many still seem to think it’s okay to turn a blind eye).

But we don’t talk enough about the everyday men. We don’t talk enough about the ones who still think it’s funny to make jokes about “go make me a sandwich” even though they’re overall not too bad. We don’t talk enough about the ones who don’t go ballistic when they’re rejected, they just get all passive aggressive and distance themselves. We don’t talk enough about the ones who won’t buy their wives and daughters pads or tampons. We don’t talk enough about the fathers who feel they have a right to “protect” their daughters from a perfectly healthy sex life. We don’t talk enough about the men who say they can’t watch that movie, it’s just for chicks. We don’t talk enough about the men who don’t know how to respond when a man comes out, or when a woman has a breakdown, or when a male friend wants to have a deep and meaningful conversation. We don’t talk enough about the men who we have deemed “not bad enough” to talk about.

Because they’re not bad. They are a product of circumstance. They haven’t done anything completely awful or illegal, so we brush it off. But therein lies the danger of toxic masculinity and sexism. It is not some mythical dark force of evil threat reaches into the hearts of men and turns them bad. It’s an ingrained belief system that most of the time produces some of these smaller faults in the actions of each of these otherwise good people. However, a stubborn adherence to its values and a culmination of all of the faults in one man leads to sexual assault, extreme violence, and hatred of anything perceived as “other.”

These normal men, the ones who are being judged by a lower bar, are capable of change. They have not done anything grossly wrong, simply adhered to what has been taught to them and it has made others uncomfortable. And there lies the need for feminism and equality (words which are synonyms, but have recently been perceived as otherwise by the eyes of toxic masculinity).

I have two brothers. They’re wonderful people. They have good hearts. They wouldn’t even do most of the shit I listed above. They’re both in loving relationships in which they treat their girlfriends with respect and care. They both cry on a regular basis. They both consistently have deep, meaningful, emotional conversations with others (including myself). They both wear pink, and care about their hair and clothes at least a little. They both are really sympathetic about my period and have gotten me Midol, tampons, and heating pads when I needed them. They both like rom-coms. They’re literally two of the most genuinely kind, thoughtful, generous, and loving people I’ve ever known.

And yet. They have these little things that have been taught to them. They think “toxic masculinity” means “men are awful.” They’ve definitely made judgmental comments about girls’ appearances before. They’re hesitant to believe that the effects of sexism reach as far as they do. They will stand up for any woman they know, they would never be actively sexist, and they would comfort and protect any woman who told them she had been violated. But they still think harassment is exaggerated. Stephen once proposed extended paternity leave during a discussion about the wage gap, as though it was a nonsensical idea, even though he’s expressed the idea that he might like to stay at home with his kids one day since he wants to be a writer and could do that from home. Nick once said that of course he doesn’t know how to sew up a hole in his pants, he’s a guy, so he asked me to do it. So I showed him how. Stephen and I have discussions about feminism and male privilege all the time, and he has made humongous steps of progress and come around on a lot of things, even if not 100%. Nick has stopped making “light-hearted” jokes he made as a stupid teenager because I told him they were offensive. I haven’t heard either one of them appraise a woman by her looks except to tell me how beautiful they think their girlfriends are in years.

Men are not inherently bad, which seems like a thing so obvious to say, but I just want to say it anyway. And they’re capable of change, and improvement, just as all humans are with all their flaws and all the faults that we have learned from society. This is why we need feminism. We need people to recognize that these are learned behaviors and ideals that can be unlearned. Because I will go to my grave believing that people are good. We make mistakes and we fuck up and we are formed by circumstance and sometimes some people don’t come back from that. But right there at the beginning, there is no inherent evil, throughout life, we do not become destined for corruption. People are good. Men are people, and when raised the right way and forced to confront the culture of sexism, they are good and capable of improvement.

This cancel culture we have subscribed to is ridiculous because it denies that people are good and doesn’t allow for growth. Some people are not to be trusted. I get it. And I get that there are things in this world that perhaps can not be forgiven. And there will always be people we can choose not to be associated with because of their choices. But the little mistakes? The medium mistakes? The behaviors we were raised to exhibit? Why on earth would you want to shun someone for those instead of trying to help them grow? People can learn from their mistakes, apologize, and become more aware and just. Why try to make someone’s life worse and call it justice when you could help someone make up for their actions while making the world a better place for all the people they know? And it would be a ripple effect.

Be a feminist. Change the world, one smaller issue at a time. Correct men. Correct women. Correct anyone of any gender. And let this apply to other corrupt systematic beliefs, like racism, homophobia, class discrimination, islamophobia, transphobia, all of it. Eliminate bigotry not by eliminating the bigots altogether, but by showing them how to unlearn their bias.

#this is too long and i dont know where it all came from but its how i feel #feminism #men #women #toxic masculinity #unlearn your bias #male privilege #sexism #cancel culture

[artificialqueens]

you and i– we’re defying gravity ch. 3 (scyvie) - amelieee

a/n:

wow, i’ve been consistently hitting my deadlines, what a shocker! here’s another chapter for this godforsaken fic. thank you to those who’s been supporting me (i’m looking at you, scyvie discord) and my friend althea for betaing this! 

also, this is very branjie centric, but i promise this’ll be the only chapter that focuses on the more than yvie and scarlet. if you know wicked, you know what will happen to them anyways.

follow me @and-oddly-enough and reblogs + likes are appreciated!

word count: 10.5k

Last chapter: Yvie and Scarlet get used to each other being roommates, Yvie finds out Vanjie is studying at the same place, and something bad is happening at Oz.

This chapter: Scarlet and Yvie team up to hook both Brooke and Vanjie together, Scarlet hosts a dance party, and Yvie realizes something really important.

In the middle of class—for the hundredth time, Scarlet nudges Yvie’s elbow subtly. Yvie was so close to let out a growl of annoyance at Scarlet but manages to hold it back when she realizes that she still was in the middle of Professor Hides’ boring literature class. Though Professor Hides was old and bordering on deaf and blind, Yvie knows that when she lets out a growl, there’d be lots of reactions, and their professor might finally notice them. 

  Getting back to Scarlet, Yvie mouths a ‘no’ at Scarlet, hoping she wouldn’t bother her anymore. Apparently, she thought this was the best time to pass notes in class. Not to Yvie but to Ra’jah who was literally sitting at the opposite end of the room. The reason she kept bothering Yvie was that Yvie can subtly pass the note to Ra’jah through her telekinesis so their professor wouldn’t notice. Even if she was blind, they were close enough to the front; which makes passing notes pretty risky.

  “Come on, just do it, pretty please?” Scarlet whispers softly, giving a little pout. “Y’know I won’t stop bugging you anyways,” Scarlet adds and Yvie wants to sigh. Instead, she just rolls her eyes and nods. With a wave of her finger, the note flew across the room silently to Ra’jah. Even if most of their classmates saw it, Yvie knows that they’d be too faithful to Scarlet to ever snitch on her. After Yvie passes it, she watches Ra’jah patiently, waiting for her to finish her reply so Yvie can send back the note to Scarlet.

  Yvie doesn’t even know what’s so important that will prompt the couple to pass notes in class. To Yvie, it was immensely childish, and she knew Scarlet and Ra’jah were much better than that. Then again, Yvie caught a glimpse of that note a while ago. It was quick since she knew Scarlet was watching, but she definitely saw the words ‘Vanjie’ and ‘Brooke’ written on the paper. At the moment, they were sharing a class with them as well, but the two of them were seated next to each other  at the corner of the classroom. Sometimes, Yvie would see Scarlet be distracted by how flirty the other two are being. Yvie doesn’t blame her, though. She’d occasionally look back as well since they’ve been quite bothersome yet adorable at the same time.

  It’s actually been a month since they first started interacting. Yvie noticed how close they’ve been judging by how lonely Yvie was for the past month. Every other day, Brooke and Vanjie would ditch Yvie and Scarlet to have their own thing, and even if they were undeniably cute, Yvie felt glum that she was all alone at her own table. Yvie was still obviously happy for Brooke, of course; it would be petty to hog Brooke for herself only. Even so, it did remind Yvie how friendless she was. The only friends she deemed as ‘friends’ besides her sister and Vanjie were Ra’jah, Shuga, and Scarlet. Over the month, they grew more comfortable with her, and Yvie in return found them interesting and enjoyable as well. Scarlet was the only exception to that since she still showcases her distaste in Yvie occasionally. Well, at least the insults weren’t a daily thing. To Yvie, that was already a sign of progress on their relationship.

  Because despite the jabs and sarcastic remarks, Yvie did enjoy Scarlet’s company a bit more nowadays. Her delusions were entertaining and even if they don’t want to admit it, their humor was so similar. What she thought was a horrible situation slowly became bearable.

  “Hey, rat bastard, pass the note back,” Scarlet whispers harshly, her eyes pointing at Ra’jah. Yvie gives her a scowl. She did mention it was bearable but their relationship wasn’t the best, obviously.

  “Why do you have to drag rats into this?” Yvie whispers back as she waves her finger in the air without even looking at Ra’jah. That one month of sorcery lessons from Madame Visage does have good use, at least. The note lands gracefully on Scarlet’s table as Scarlet merely rolls her eyes at Yvie. Scarlet begins unfolding the note and once she reads Ra’jah’s reply, she immediately perks up, her lips widening into a bright smile. This definitely made Yvie curious but she wholeheartedly did not want to get caught by Professor Hides.

  Thankfully, Scarlet didn’t send back another note in the last thirty minutes they had class. But once class ended, surprisingly, Scarlet grabbed Yvie directly and dragged her, Ra’jah, Shuga, and Vanjie out of the classroom before Yvie even registered what was going on. Yvie didn’t even know why she was so thrown off by Scarlet grabbing her hand— maybe it was the suddenness of it all. Either way, Yvie only processed what was happening halfway through their trip to somewhere and began protesting against whatever Scarlet had in mind.

  “The fuck is going on, Scarlet?” Yvie asks as she shakes Scarlet’s hand off. Yvie realizes her cheeks are slightly red. Maybe it was from exhaustion? 

  “Hey, we were going to head to the same place anyways so stop complaining,”

  “No, as in, what must be so important that you decided to literally drag Ra’jah, Vanjie, and I out of class in such a rush?”

  “Yea, maybe ask next time?” Vanjie adds, clearly infuriated she didn’t get to walk Brooke to her class.

  “I literally dragged you out to talk to you about my plan of hooking you and Brooke together but go off, I guess.” Scarlet says with a smirk as she begins climbing the stairs. After that, Vanjie immediately sputters, startled by what Scarlet said. Ra’jah laughs a bit, already knowing of the plan, but Yvie and Shuga were simply curious at to what shit Scarlet has came up with.

  “I–I can–uh, I can do that fine by myself, you hoe,” Vanjie replies but her voice was shaky and uncertain. Yvie snorts at how pathetic she was.

  “Oh honey, don’t lie to us, you stupid lesbian,” Shuga says and it makes everyone laugh loudly except for Vanjie. Vanjie musters up a fake chuckle but she still sounded infuriated. “Aw, Vanjie, sweetie, I’m joking,” Shuga adds and Vanjie pouts at her.

  “You guys don’t know how hard it is!” Vanjie exclaims and everyone stares at her in disbelief.

  “You’ve known Brooke for like, fifteen years, but go off I guess,” Yvie says and Vanjie flushes. Shuga mutters ‘stupid lesbian’ again and it brings out a soft laugh from everyone. 

  “Hey! This is bullying, I’m leaving,” Vanjie says, stopping her steps mid-step. Scarlet was quickly alarmed and grasped Vanjie’s hand before she could bail. Scarlet really seemed persistent and she undoubtedly trusted her plan wholeheartedly.

  “No! Don’t— don’t leave, I promise this will 100% work,” Scarlet says and Vanjie quirks up an eyebrow.

  “How d’ya know? Firstly, you almost failed at maths, and secondly you’re delusional as fuck.”

  “And who has a girlfriend between the two of us?” 

  Vanjie stayed silent for a second until she sighed and said, “I fucking hate you,”. Ra’jah and Shuga laugh in amusement as they proceed to walk another level up. Yvie silently trails behind, oddly feeling slightly off even if she didn’t understand why. She really must be catching some sort of fever, or maybe she was immensely overworked. Either way, she needed to give herself some time to rest.

  Eventually, they all make it to Scarlet’s suite. Like always, it smelled like fresh roses and was always neat and tidy just because Scarlet loved it that way. Yvie was suspicious of her eagerness to be tidy but after a couple of days, Yvie praised it a lot. After all, Yvie was not the… cleanest of people. Her room back in Munchkinland was a dumpster fire wherein everything she had was just tossed around the room.

  “God, I wish I lived here,” Shuga stated, “It’s like heaven in this room. Meanwhile, Tammie and I have been fuckin’ around in our small-ass room. Nothing’s tidy,” Shuga adds as she sits down on Scarlet’s bed primly. Scarlet and Ra’jah join her while Vanjie tackles Yvie’s bed, faceplanting herself unto the bedsheets. Yvie takes off her heels as well and joins Vanjie, lying back down into her bed in relief.

  “And our room is much worse than that, right Vanj?” Ra’jah says and Vanjie only replies by raising a thumbs up in the air which prompts a few people to laugh.

  “Why, thank you, I work pretty hard on this since my asshole of a roommate doesn’t understand the concept of organizing,” Scarlet says shoots Yvie a judgmental glare. Yvie raises the bird in reply, too exhausted to reply some kind of witty insult back. “Anyways, back to the main topic at hand. I think I have a foolproof plan to get Vanjie and Brooke together. Or actually, this is more of a plan for their first date since I know Vanjie isn’t good with planning dates,”

  “Hey, that was with Aquaria and that was one time–”

  Scarlet abruptly continues her spiel, “I will reserve the Ozdust Ballroom for this–I have all the money in the world to do so–and we’re gonna hold a dance party for Vanjie and Brooke.” Scarlet explains excitedly but no one seemed to reciprocate the same anticipation as her. They all seemed a bit perplexed– even  Vanjie sat up from her position to look at Scarlet with concern.

  “Scarlet, I love you, but you are a fucking dumbass,” Vanjie says, disgruntled.

  Scarlet, with an offended expression, replies back, “Thanks, really appreciate you saying that for the hundredth time,” She leans back against the headboard with crossed arms.

  “I dunno about you but last time I checked, Brooke’s legs were still tangled,” Vanjie retorts sarcastically, “I don’t think she’ll have a great time in a dance party when she can’t actually, y’know, dance,” Vanjie adds and Yvie actually ponders about it for a moment.

  Out of all the people in the room, there was no one who knew Brooke more than Yvie. Vanjie comes to a close second but Yvie was literally there since Brooke was born. With that, Vanjie was undeniably wrong. Brooke, despite disabled, was determined to teach herself any kind of dance she can learn. With enough perseverance and hard work, she actually mastered different kinds of techniques and skills thanks to the help one of their teachers in highschool, Miss Sahara Davenport. But then there was some point that Brooke stopped seeing her. If Yvie recalls correctly, there were rumors that Miss Davenport died of some illness; hence why Brooke had no more classes for dance. However, Brooke came through it all and continued her legacy by independently teaching herself how to dance. After a few books, self-teaching, and help from their neighbour named Alyssa who would teach Brooke occasionally, Brooke became the best dancer Yvie’s ever witnessed.

  Vanjie most likely didn’t know of this all because Brooke was a secluded and reluctant person. Like Yvie, she had her own insecurities, but Brooke had a different approach of handling it. While Yvie liked address her issues more out loud, Brooke was more quiet, keeping all her problems to herself. Yvie only managed to know about Brooke’s dancing when Brooke accidentally fell out of her wheelchair in her room and couldn’t get back up. Yvie had to help her get back on while Brooke panickedly explained the situation truthfully. Brooke could never lie under stress.

  “Brooke can dance,” Yvie mentions and everyone turns to her, eyeing her weirdly. “What? Brooke knows how to dance. Not on her feet but on her wheelchair, of course.” Yvie adds, still keeping a serious tone. She needed to make sure the others didn’t think whatever she said was some sort of joke.

  “Bitch, how?” Vanjie asks, still in a state of uncertainty. 

  “She got private lessons from Miss Davenport, remember her?”

  “Miss Davenport cannot dance,” Vanjie replies and it took a second for Yvie to understand who she was referring to.

  “That’s Miss A’keria, you fuck. And she can dance… only if it involved her ass shaking, that is,” Yvie says, “But I’m referring to Miss Sahara. She taught phys-ed and dance. She tutored Brooke some time ago,” Yvie adds and the group all seemed intrigued by this newfound information. Scarlet most definitely was pleased by hearing this, evident by how wide her grin was when she heard that Brooke could dance.

  “Perfect! That’s perfect,” Scarlet says, “A dance party would be perfect for Brooke, she will absolutely enjoy it. I mean, you need to ask her out first, of course, but how bad can that be?” Scarlet says and Vanjie’s eyebrows were knitted in terror. 

  “I mean…” Vanjie starts, still very nervous as she fiddles with her hair, “How did you and Ra’jah get together?” Vanjie asks, prompting Scarlet and Ra’jah to stare each other before smirking. But before any of them could reply, Shuga jumps in.

  “It was bad,” Shuga mentions and receives a snarl of protest from Scarlet, “Scarlet would always say they were just upfront about their feelings, but, the truth is there was a lot of denial involved,” Shuga says and the couple immediately looks alarmed.

  “It always runs with lesbianism.” Yvie comments.

  “Always, girl,” Shuga replies, “It finally ended when Ra’jah threw a bouquet of roses at Scarlet’s window and shouted her confession.” Shuga adds and Vanjie and Yvie laugh at its ridiculousness. Scarlet solely looks unimpressed, seeming like she wants to repress that memory.

  “So what, do I just throw some flowers at Brooke and hope for the best?”

  “Your choice girl. I did it and my girl is still here,” Ra’jah says. Scarlet, looking enamored, smiles at her and blows her a kiss. After, she turns back to Vanjie to relay her the plan again.

  “Again, I’ll hold a party. I’ll announce it to everyone until Brooke hears of it. Then, you go up to her, ask her out, whether it’d be through confessing truthfully or throwing flowers, then invite her to the dance party. I assure you that everything will be wonderful after that.” Scarlet says and Vanjie nods slowly, still hesitant that she’s agreeing to Scarlet’s plan. To Yvie, it wasn’t actually a particularly bad plan. In fact, she thought it was simple yet doable, but the problem is that lesbians could never, ever function during confessions.

  “Maybe we can do that tomorrow to get things done? The quicker, the better, since you two have been pining for more than a decade,” Scarlet suggests and everyone besides Vanjie hum in agreement. Yvie nudges Vanjie but her reluctance doesn’t really decrease from it.

  “If you don’t wanna do it, I won’t force you, of course,” Scarlet says and this is probably the most caring Scarlet has ever been. Vanjie looks up, inhales sharply, then raises a hand.

  “No—no, I’m gonna fucking do it,” Vanjie says with a determined tone, causing everyone to cheer for her loudly, “Tomorrow, I’ll walk up to her at lunch and I’m not gonna pussy out.”

  “I’ll be there so if you do mess up, I’m just gonna tell Brooke that you have a crush on her,” Yvie says and Vanjie scrunches up her nose.

  “No! No, that wouldn’t be romantic. I want it to be like, really romantic. Or cute. I don’t want you yelling at us for it to happen,” 

  “Are you saying I’m not a romantic or cute person? I am offended,” Yvie says and places a dramatic hand on her chest.

  “Oh fuck off, Oddly,” Vanjie replies, “I’ll do it perfectly, don’t worry about it,” Vanjie says confidently yet Yvie still doesn’t have faith on that. In some way or another, she will definitely fuck it up, Yvie bets on it.

  “It’s settled then!” Scarlet speaks up again, clasping her hands together joyfully, “I’ll reserve Ozdust right now before anyone else does. No backing out now, Vanj,” Scarlet says as she hops off her bed gracefully, smoothing out her skirt. Since it is expected for Ra’jah to always accompany Scarlet, she also hops off as she winks suggestively at Vanjie.

  “Good luck, Vanj, I’ll be seeing you,” Ra’jah says as Scarlet grabs her hand before they exit. Scarlet waves a simple goodbye before heading off to the Ozdust Ballroom, leaving Shuga, Yvie, and Vanjie alone in the suite. Shuga takes this opportunity to lay on Scarlet’s bed; she looks like she’s been wanting to do that since they entered the room. Yvie chuckles at her, relating to her exhaustion.

  “God, where am I gonna get a girlfriend like that. Or a boyfriend, I’m cool with any, if anyone wants to hook me up with someone,” Shuga states and Yvie relates to that as well. For close to two decades, Yvie has barely had any friends, let alone someone who’s romantically inclined to her. There were definitely plenty of women who sets Yvie’s gay heart off, but with the face she has, Yvie doubts she’d ever end up with anyone.

  “Same,” Yvie says, “If any of you know someone who’s attracted to people with no pupils, let me know. So far, everyone’s just been screaming every time they see my face,” Yvie jokes and it brings a laugh out of Shuga and Vanjie. “You know, you’re really lucky, Vanj. Brooke’s been telling me how much she likes you since… uhm… it’s been a very long time, I mean.” 

  Vanjie’s eyes widen, “Really?” she says, flustering a bit.

  “Yep, I found out around eighth grade when Brooke accidentally said that you were hot in front of me. She immediately reddened and tried to shut me out after I started asking lots of questions,” Yvie says with a fond smile and Vanjie looked very intrigued after hearing that.

  “Wow, that’s a very… long time.” Vanjie says.

  Shuga coughs, “Lesbians,” she says and Vanjie grunts, “Okay Vanj but I doubt you’d do it perfectly tomorrow. Just let Yvie be there just in case. She’s like, your Plan B, or something,”

  “Fine, but I promise you that I won’t fuck it up.” Vanjie says, “Everything’ll be fine.”

//

Brooke Lynn Hytes was a very lonely person. She was most likely the only one in the campus who had no roommate and even if she knew it wasn’t because people didn’t like her, she still felt terrible that she was alone. The closest she has to a roommate are the professors who stay overnight during busy days that stay in her building because it’s where all the vacant rooms were. Madame Visage stays here often because of the stress she receives as the headmistress. Rumors also say she’s the Wizard’s assistant but Brooke wouldn’t believe anything unless she hears it from the headmistress herself.

  In the morning, she always wakes up early. Brooke never has a reason to sleep late in the evening. There were no friends for her to party with nor did she have difficulties in her studies— she wasn’t going to be Munchkinland’s next professor for no reason. Well, the reason is mostly that her father was biased but she never liked that reason. The other reason is that she was immensely intelligent, never getting any grade below A. 

  It takes Brooke around an hour to get ready for the day. Her tangled legs are never a thing to be proud of. Her legs were almost like jelly as they were intertwined with each other like vines. She could move, but it’d never get anywhere because they’re literally like they were tied. It was hard at first to prepare by herself but after she tried to do everything independently, she eventually got used to it. There was a lot of chairs for everything to work but other than that, there was no other complication.

  After she’d get prepared, she always loved to write to herself just to give herself a self-checkup everyday. Her dad would always ask her to do it and now, she can’t go a day without writing in her diary. Not everything was fun, though, as most of her entries were always about how her legs prevented her from doing this and that and how lonely she felt.

  The loneliness wasn’t some kind of joke. She and Yvie shared that aspect with one another; it was just Yvie who really didn’t mind it. Even if Brooke was extremely introverted, she really longed for a consistent friend who she can get along with and depend on. Growing up, she and her sister would always be referred to as a freak show by many, hency why no one would try to approach her. For Brooke, people at least were kind when they interacted, but every interaction was nothing more than a question about academics. 

  The three only other friends she had besides her sister were her obsessive father, her overly kind dance teacher, and this reckless, dumb bitch named Vanessa. Her father was just labelled as a friend because he just loved to spoil her non-stop and would converse to her like a normal person, unlike how he acts towards Yvie. Her dance teacher was the first to see her true potential in dancing and she couldn’t thank her enough for giving her some kind of passion when she thought she was nothing.

  Then there’s Vanjie, someone who she thought would never be friends with her. She first knew Vanjie as Yvie’s only friend during kindergarten and Vanjie, the reckless child she is, always loved using Yvie to mess with the other kids, just because they thought it was something hilarious. Yvie, despite being older, started the same age as Brooke because at first, their father refused to treat Yvie like a normal person. If it weren’t for their nanny, Yvie wouldn’t be in the position she was today. Despite studying late, Yvie adapted well, and was actually really happy she had her sister in the same batch she was.

  But back to Vanjie— Vanjie used to be someone she just knew because Yvie would always bring her along on the way home. Her father refused to talk to her because of obvious reasons so Brooke was always on the side, watching them. It was only when her father was sick that she got to know Vanjie. The three of them still walked home together but now, Brooke had less restrictions, hence why she began to chatter with the other two. She found out that they were more fun than what she expected, and instead of heading home, they messed around. Even if their father was much disappointed at them, that was the best memory Brooke had of her childhood.

  Growing up, Vanjie barely had any shared classes with her, but Vanjie and Brooke always try their best to hangout whenever they were free. She didn’t know how their friendship has lasted that long but she was happy that she had Vanjie. And Brooke knew Yvie loved Vanjie as well even if she’d never admit it.

  Now in Shiz, Brooke felt alone more than ever. A month in, she felt awfully homesick. She knew she should be grateful that she’s studying in the most privileged university in all of Oz but she admits she actually misses her father just a bit. Of course she loathed her hatefulness towards Yvie but she misses the compliments and the friendly small talks they shared. All she had now was her sister who sometimes loved to snap back at anyone and gain attention and Vanjie who only occasionally hangs out with her. 

  That stupid Scarlet Envy loved to hog them away from her, though. The reason why she doesn’t see Vanjie daily is because she was in the same clique Scarlet was in. Brooke thought she actually didn’t fit in with Scarlet and her friends but Vanjie keeps convincing her that Scarlet acts better than what she showcases publicly. They apparently became close when Vanjie moved to the Gillikin County over the summer because of Vanjie’s mom getting a job at Shiz. Vanjie met Ra’jah as her roommate in advance and they kicked it off well, causing Vanjie to be invited into Scarlet’s group.

  Scarlet also hogs Yvie away, believe it or not. Yvie and Scarlet love to appear like they loathe each other but Brooke can tell that they really enjoyed each other’s company despite the back and forth insults. Scarlet literally pulled Yvie with her out of class willingly— that’s definitely a sign of development in their friendship. 

  And with Yvie and Vanjie pulled away from time to time, all she had was… was writing letters to her father and Madame Visage. Brooke should be used to the isolation but she wasn’t— it still hurt from time to time.

  At least today, she had Yvie. Yesterday, Vanjie and Yvie literally were grabbed by Scarlet and she was alone on the way to her room in a building that no other student occupied. Brooke was using her time with Yvie wisely because who knows when she will inevitably be pulled away from her again.

  Today, their university was hustling and bustling even more than before. Brooke was unbeknownst to why at first until she heard the gossip of what was going on when she wheeled herself to her first class. It was something that had to do with Scarlet, of course, and it has something to do with a dance party. This intrigued Brooke for mainly two reasons: firstly, she and many others were aware of Scarlet’s dancing skills or lack thereof, and secondly, Brooke loved to dance.

  The party was in two days and will be held at Ozdust at 7PM. It was actually at a reasonable day and time and despite of her spite towards Scarlet, she was actually considering to drop by. Maybe she might tag along Yvie just because she didn’t want to be that loner in a party. Both she and Yvie loved to dance, the only difference is their style of dancing. Brooke was graceful and her dancing would invoke sereneness and calmness while Yvie’s dancing was more for clubs and raves, always so upbeat and high energy. Both barely showed their skills, though; atoo shy to present themselves in front of other people because of obvious reasons.

  So maybe she won’t actually drop by, huh. 

  “I just realized how many people would actually attend this because of Scarlet, ugh,” Brooke complains to Yvie during lunch as she lazily feeds herself a spoonful of veggies. “Just thinking about it makes me feel claustrophobic.” she adds. She also received a flyer on the way to lunch— apparently some of Scarlet’s followers began promoting the party on her own because of course her followers would love to scout for people they can convert to the Scarlet Envy religion.

  “I heard about them talking about last night.” Yvie mentions, her elbow placed on the table as she leaned her cheek against her palm. She didn’t seem to enjoy her meal today, “Scarlet is the worst dancer I’ve seen. She flaps her arms and she calls it ‘professional dancing’, it’s ridiculous.” Yvie says as she feeds herself a piece of her meal. She chews slowly, looking like she wants to spit it out. 

  “Girl, we know,” Brooke says, “We always know. She’s delusional, I won’t be surprised if she has dementia,” Brooke adds and Yvie hums. 

  As they continue eating, Brooke kept observing Scarlet’s table. She really couldn’t help herself because her table was literally in front of theirs. There was a safe distance between both, at least, so her followers wouldn’t accidentally bump their table. As per usual, Scarlet’s crowd was as wild, obnoxious, and humongous as ever with Scarlet sitting elegantly on the table as if she were some queen. Scarlet’s friends all seem out of it, just like always, playing with their food as they looked like they want to behead all of Scarlet’s fans.

  Eventually, her eyes began trailing off of Scarlet and to Vanjie, who was sitting in the same spot every time she was with Scarlet at lunch. She sat backwards on the chair as she poked at her food, unimpressed by the rowdiness of the crowd. It was weird to see Vanjie so quiet especially when she was known for never shutting up in highschool. Turns out detention isn’t what she needs, it was fanbases who couldn’t go one second without complimenting the same things to someone who they consider as their god.

  Every time Vanjie was out of it, Brooke would always hope she would look her way so they can at least exchange glances. If she wasn’t going to hangout with Brooke, a glance and a bright smile is all she needed to be satisfied. It always happened every lunch time when Vanjie was away so it wasn’t a surprise when Vanjie finally locked eyes with her. Vanjie smiles here naturally beautiful yet adorable grin as she waves a tiny hello at Brooke. Brooke also waves, like the usual thing she does in reply. 

  Weirdly, Vanjie actually stands up. Vanjie would never excuse herself from Scarlet’s group because she actually fears the wrath of Scarlet’s fandom when they become judgmental towards her. So, with her looking like she wants to step out, Brooke became slightly proud but still a bit worried. She gives Vanjie a concerned stare as a sign for her to sit back down again but Vanjie seems persistent in wanting to get to Brooke’s table.

  But alas, the fans spotted it before she could escape. “Hey, Vanjie, you’re seeing those freaks again? What’s going on with you?” One yells and Vanjie quickly gets startles as she was pushed back down on her chair. It wasn’t forceful but still, it makes both Yvie and Brooke enraged. Yvie almost grabs her spoon to toss again but Brooke stops her before anything gets more violent.

  “You’re lucky to be staying with Scarlet so why don’t you appreciate it? Aren’t you grateful that you’re with her and not… with them?” A girl states as she snorts while gesturing towards Yvie and Brooke. Again, Brooke and Yvie tense up as they give them icy stares. Yvie starts tapping at the table out of habit as she restrains herself from using her powers.

  “Yea! Be more appreciative, Vanjie! Aren’t I right, Scarlet?” a guy says as Scarlet slowly becomes panicky. Yvie glares at Scarlet, giving her a sign to not fuck up her answer with a fake reply that might damage her friends’ reputations.

  “Alright, settle down, Vanjie probably didn’t mean that,” Scarlet says, not wanting to work for both the side of her fanbase and the side of her friends, “I don’t want anyone to be negative especially when I want everyone to have consistent positive energy until the party comes, you got that?” Scarlet says. Brooke sighs a breath of relief as the crowd began agreeing, leaving both the sisters and Vanjie alone. 

  “The fuck is wrong with Scarlet’s fans— how—how does she deal with this?” Brooke says, still eyeing the crowd with irritation. “They’re unbelievably dense.”

  “Yea, sometimes I feel like Scarlet’s being more manipulated by them than the crowd being manipulated by her. It’s just a new thing I noticed,”

  Brooke cocks an eyebrow at Yvie, surprised by how wary and cautious she was of Scarlet out of the blue, “Okay, when did you start caring for Scarlet?”

  Yvie was silent as she looks down at her meal. Brooke was definitely suspicious of Yvie now, especially when she just insulted Scarlet a few minutes ago. “Hey, it was just an observation, don’t think of it as anything more than that.” Yvie mumbles as she shoves a few veggies into her mouth in disgust. Brooke gives her a light smile as she somewhat realizes what Yvie is slowly getting herself into. Then again, Yvie’s caring instincts aside, she takes a moment to process what Yvie mentions about Scarlet.

  Once Brooke pondered about it thoroughly, she somewhat understood Yvie’s point. Scarlet was much different to her friends in person and sometimes, her dislike towards certain people seemed unnecessary. Brooke doesn’t want to assume but since Scarlet was sculpting another personality in front of her fanbase, Brooke thinks it’s slowly getting mixed into her true personality, and it’s quite worrisome to think that Scarlet was losing her true self because of it.

  Then again, it wasn’t Brooke’s problem much since again, she still felt bitter towards Scarlet for stealing away her only friends in life. So, it’d be fine not to meddle with Scarlet’s issues much.

  After some time suffering eating greens, the bell finally sounded across the campus. Yvie was glad she could just deny her lunch and grabbed her bag immediately to head off with Brooke to class. But before they could both leave, Vanjie actually makes her way to the duo. She seemed less startled than before but still alert for any fans that’ll spy on Vanjie to spread more gossip.

  Thankfully, Yvie was there to keep guard of any disrespectful fans. She can easily scare them off with her dark aura and sharp teeth. If that fails, Yvie isn’t afraid to throw a pen at them while insulting them. Brooke was at least comfortable with Yvie doing that to them since Vanjie was being hurt by these fans.

  “Sorry about a while ago, I shouldn’t have tried to escape the pits of hell like that,” Vanjie says as she ties her hair into a messy bun. Brooke licks her lips as stares at Vanjie longingly, thinking that the messy bun look on her was undeniably attractive. 

  “It’s alright, those fans are fucking nuts,” Yvie says, “I’m like, this close to murdering all of them,” Yvie adds as she raises her left hand and puts her thumb and index finger close together but not too close to look like they were touching. Vanjie sighs in agreement, looking incredibly annoyed.

  “Same, but actually, I’d fucking murder them already if I can get away with it.” Vanjie says exasperatedly and the sisters hum in agreement. “But they do make Scarlet happy… or I think they do, I dunno.”

  “Debatable but okay,” Yvie says, followed by a minute of odd silence. As they walk towards their classes, Brooke notices how Yvie and Vanjie walked in a slower pace as they seemed to know something Brooke didn’t know. They kept exchanging glances as if they were trying to send secret messages to one another. Brooke eyes them warily as she wheels more slowly, hoping she can get on whatever they’ve been hiding.

  “Uh, Brooke, I have something to say,” Vanjie says slowly yet awkwardly as Brooke turns to her with raised eyebrows. It was out of character for Vanjie to start any conversation like that and it causes Brooke’s heart to race and palms to sweat. She also can’t tell if it was anything good or bad but judging by Vanjie’s nervous expression, Brooke expects the worst to come. This was it, Vanjie was going to end their nearly twenty-year friendship, Brooke can feel it.

  “Yes?” Brooke manages to say this with no stuttering but inside, panic and anxiety began spreading throughout her body. Vanjie seems just as nervous as she is as she constantly looks away as she nibbles her bottom lip. Yvie, on the other hand, looked unimpressed as she glared at Vanjie threateningly.

  “I—uhm,” Vanjie continues but the words seem trapped in her throat, not wanting to escape her lips. It irritates Brooke a bit but she was patient, not wanting to rush Vanjie to confess whatever she has in her head. “I—I’m gonna head to class,” Vanjie manages to say and Brooke’s eyebrows furrow, confused to why Vanjie suddenly avoided what she wanted to discuss. 

  “Huh, what—“ Yvie suddenly jumps in, probably as bewildered as Brooke was. “Vanjie, what in the fuck—“ she says but couldn’t finish as she began being pulled away by Vanjie, both of the two abruptly leaving Brooke behind as they head to their own class. Brooke stops in her tracks as she grips her wheelchair’s wheels tightly, slightly saddened by Vanjie bailing on her.

  “Whatever,” Brooke says bitterly as she headed for her class. It was mathematics so this can undoubtedly distract her from whatever just happened right now. She can just demand answers from Yvie later— everything was going to be fine.

  //

  “Brooke! Brooke, hey, uhm, I wanna walk with ya to your room,” Immediately after Brooke wheels out of her class, Vanjie was already waiting outside. Yvie was behind her, looking very disgruntled at Vanjie. Brooke exchanges looks with Yvie before she stares at Vanjie weirdly. She chews the inside of her lip as she tries to process what was going on with Vanjie today.

  “Alright, but it’ll be a long walk,” Brooke says as she turns her wheelchair away from them and to the direction of her building. Vanjie looks delighted as she walks beside Brooke, looking equally as nervous as she was joyous. Yvie was trailing behind them and even if Brooke wasn’t looking at her, she knew that Yvie was staring at them carefully like a concerned parent.

  “What did you want to say a while ago?” Brooke asks, hoping Vanjie would finally be truthful to her. Vanjie still looks hesitant as she shrugged, most likely trying to keep her composure steady,

  “Uhm,” Vanjie says. One giveaway that Vanjie was still masking something was the constant stuttering. She also never stops midway through her sentences because Vanjie likes to ramble most of the time, never stopping when she talks. “You heard of Scarlet’s party? You going to it?” she asks, avoiding Brooke’s gaze.

  Brooke goes with it, “No, I don’t think I am. I know you’re going, though, since I don’t think you can decline her invite to the party,” Brooke says and Vanjie shrugs, looking neutral, “At least you’re a great dancer, you’d definitely blend in well there, unlike me,” Brooke says with an awkward chuckle as she gestures to her legs. 

  “Hey, you can dance! Anyone can dance.” Vanjie says and Brooke smiles at her, flattered by her statement. “If this bitch behind ya can dance then you can too,” Vanjie says as she points her thumb at Yvie who was deadpanning until her name was mentioned.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Yvie says as Vanjie chuckles at her.

  “I was just saying how lovely your dancing is,” Vanjie says.

  “Actually, Yvie can go with you to the party so you wouldn’t be too lonely there,” Brooke suggests, “You two have the same kind of dancing style so I think you two would have a great time.”

  “Y’know, I was actually gonna, uhm,” Vanjie stutters again and Brooke’s patience is thinning. She waits for a few seconds for Vanjie to continue but she still seems disoriented. What does she want to say?

  “Vanj, we’re friends, right? You can tell me anything,” Brooke says in the nicest way possible, hoping it’ll calm Vanjie down enough for her to spill. Vanjie’s lip quivers as she fiddles with her fingers, looking like she’s at a loss on how she wants to confess whatever she has in mind.

  “Look, Scarlet planned the party for you and Vanjie’s just trying to ask you out, Brooke,” Unexpectedly, Yvie started to speak behind them, looking just as impatient as Brooke was but more blunt. Yvie immediately receives a sharp glare from Vanjie. Vanjie looked like she wanted to scold Yvie but Yvie remains calm as ever, appearing to be very unbothered by the stares.

  Brooke, on the other hand, was shocked to the core. Her eyes widened in a delighted surprise as she stopped wheeling herself to gaze at Vanjie. Before Vanjie decided to beat Yvie up, Vanjie caught Brooke’s curious gaze and flushed, reserving her anger towards Yvie for later.

  “Is that what you were trying to tell me?” Brooke asks, her anxiety and irritation replaced with genuine curiosity and slight joy. Vanjie gulps and nods slowly as Yvie seemed relieved that Vanjie was started to act truthfully. Brooke’s lips slowly curve upwards as she takes one of Vanjie’s hands to ease her queasiness. “Hey, look at me,” Brooke says as she notice Vanjie still malfunctioning, “I’d love to go out with you.”

  Vanjie’s eyes widen as she quickly perks up, a wide grin like Brooke’s forming on her face as well. “Really? For real real?” Vanjie says as her hands begin shaking. Brooke lets out a small chuckle as she gave a nod.

  “Of course, you dumbass!” Brooke exclaims as Vanjie lets out a breath of relief, “I thought you were gonna break up our friendship but this—this is much better. Oz, you should’ve said this earlier! I was panicking the entire time during maths because I thought you hated me.” 

  “What? I don’t hate you, it’d be weird if I suddenly told you that I hated you after, I don’t fucking know, sixteen years of our friendship.” Vanjie laughs, clearly overly excited and relieved that they finally have it all settled, “So you will go to the dance with me?”

  “Of course I fucking will now that you asked!” 

  “And you’d, uh, I dunno— are we— do you wanna be—”

  “Yes, a hundred percent, I’d love to,” Brooke says sincerely. “Never in my wildest dreams did I thought this would actually happen, my Oz— this is probably the best day I’ve had in my life,” Brooke rambles as her heart beats quickly, causing her to act all hyper. 

  “You’re welcome, lesbians,” Yvie speaks and the two of them jump, forgetting that Yvie was still watching from behind, “You also have to thank Scarlet, by the way,” Yvie says but Brooke has no clue on what she meant behind it.

  “I guess her plan actually worked,” Vanjie murmurs then notices the confused expression brooke had, “Oh! I forgot to mention that uhm, she was the one who implemented the party just so I can have the perfect ‘first date’. I didn’t actually believe her when she said her plan was foolproof but at the end, it surprisingly worked,” Vanjie states and it really gives Brooke another perspective on Scarlet. 

  Maybe Scarlet was deep down really kind-hearted despite her occasional impoliteness. “Huh, wow,” Brooke says, still taking in her realization. “She is actually not as bad as she seems… I, wow— I’m actually a bit speechless by that. I guess I have to thank her for all of this…”

  “I’ll make sure to tell her for you,” Yvie says, “Anyways, I’ll be heading off, you lesbians— I heard no other person lives in Brooke’s building so you can just as loud as you want,” Yvie says with a knowing smirk before she turns away nonchalantly. Vanjie snorts at her while Brooke merely flushed just thinking about it.

  “Hey you’re thinking about it! I can’t believe you’re thinking about it!” Vanjie calls Brooke out and Brooke slaps her elbow to retort.

  Brooke gives her a suggestive wink before she wheels off with Vanjie, flustered and confused, chasing after her. 

  Yvie sighs at them. She wasn’t gloomy for them in any way but there was light feelings of jealousy she felt within her. Adjusting her bag, she continues walking to her shared suite, wanting to relax herself for the day. The thought of the dance and her sister’s happiness keeps flooding her head and Yvie just wants to shut it all out. The better she accepts that no one will love her, the more this jealousy will pass.

  Then again, her mind seems to be fixated at Scarlet as well. Scarlet organized this to happen and was that one push Vanjie needed to finally confess. Not only that but this— this made her sister happy. Scarlet made her sister happy. This was always a big deal for Yvie. Anyone who makes her sister happy is someone Yvie needs to respect wholeheartedly because there are rarely anyone who does so. 

  Yvie suddenly feels compelled to return Scarlet a favor. Maybe she should… gift her with something.

  “Oh, Miss Yvie, where are you headed? You seem to be the only one here,” Out of nowhere, Madame Visage speaks. She seems to have finished her last class and was off to return to her office. Yvie purses her lips as she gets an idea on what she would love to give to Scarlet.

  “Madame Visage, I actually have a request…”

//

“Oh, hey Yves,” Shuga says as Yvie enters the suite. Even if the party was still in two days, Scarlet was already preparing for her outfit to wear. The room was messier than usual as Scarlet has littered it with different kinds of catsuits and dresses that had to be unbelievably gorgeous yet expensive. Shuga was visiting as well, most likely helping Scarlet out since she knew how indecisive she was.

  “Heyo, I love how you’re taking out the trash today,” Yvie remarks as she hops over the messily scattered heels on the floor to get to her bed. Scarlet gives Yvie an aggravated glare as she placed one of her dresses on a hanger.

  “Actually, I wasn’t sure I was taking out the trash until you walked in,” Scarlet retorts and Yvie, genuinely astounded, chuckles at her. Their back and forth remarks will never be boring for Yvie. “How’s Vanjie and Brooke?”

  “A success,” Yvie replies, and both Scarlet and Shuga rejoice in unison, both immensely relieved that everything went well. “But we had to go for Plan B since Vanjie pussied out too much.”

  “That was expected, though,” Shuga jokes as she begins folding some of Scarlet’s outfits as if she were her nanny. “So they’re both going to the party?”

  “Uhuh, so everything’s gonna be great,”

  “Are you going to the party?” Shuga asks, and Yvie shrugs as she places her bag down next to her bed. There was no real reason for Yvie to attend since she didn’t have anyone to accompany her. Every one of Scarlet’s friends would undoubtedly stick with her while Brooke and Vanjie have their own little thing. Yvie would… be alone. Like always.

  “I feel like you should go— everyone else is,” Scarlet says and it was a surprise that she insisted Yvie to go. Yvie purses her lips as she actually starts to consider the invitation. Why does she seem compelled to go when Scarlet is the one who requests for her presence? When did she ever begin listening Scarlet Envy?

  “Also—“ Scarlet speaks and Shuga apprehensively stares at Scarlet. “Would you want to have this hat I found? It was hiding in the back of my closet and I don’t think it’d suit me if I’d wear it.” Scarlet begins digging into this gigantic box that was sitting next to her closet. The box was filled with funky-looking hats, all different in designs. In the bottom of the box, Scarlet finds what she needs: a pointy, black hat. It was unquestionably oldschool, something Yvie would find her grandmother to wear. 

  “Here, this is all yours,” Scarlet says, “I think you should wear it to the party,” she adds with most likely a very fake smile but it makes Yvie’s emotions flutter inside her. She knew Scarlet was joking but to Yvie, the hat wasn’t as terrible as she thought it’d be. Firstly, it was in a dark color, so of course it would please Yvie. Yvie wears enough weird outfits to accept this odd hat as something she’d wear. Truly, Yvie appreciates the gift, no matter how much Scarlet meant for it to be a harmless joke.

  “Thanks, Scar,” Yvie says and both Scarlet and Shuga were surprised by her sincere thankfulness for the hat and how she used a nickname for Scarlet. Scarlet blinks a couple of times while she furrowed her eyebrows, perplexed by how Yvie was reacting to the hat.

  “I—are you actually gonna wear that horrendous hat?” Scarlet says, “You will literally look like a garden gnome, Yvie, I recommend you don’t do it.”

  “Oh wow, Miss Scarlet Envy actually cares about me? How sweet,” Yvie says in reply and Scarlet huffs out a breath, “No, really, I actually like it. Fits with my aesthetic,” Yvie says as she places it on top of her head. It wasn’t sitting directly on top but actually, she decides to put it on the left side of her head and keep it slanted. Looking at the mirror near their window, she adjusts it to look the way Yvie wanted it to look.

  “Oh? Okay then, weirdo.” Scarlet says, “People are going to judge you for the hat, though, so try your best not to wear it since you already get bullied enough.” Scarlet warns her. Yvie thinks it’s cute whenever she witnesses Scarlet be all careful and motherly towards Yvie. It was rare but it makes Yvie feel great, for some reason.

  “It’s been a month, I’m used to it.”

  “Are you actually going to the party, honey?” Shuga asks and Yvie pauses. This week has been a pleasant week for Yvie regarding academics. Her professors were kind enough to give most of the students a break this week, their homework being given to a minimum. So, there was no academics getting in the way of the party. And albeit all the expected, judgmental looks Yvie will receive during the party, Yvie does want to go party at least once in her college life. Yvie was a wild bitch, and maybe, she can try having fun for once in this dance party of Scarlet’s.

  Yvie, with a confident smirk, replies, “Hell yea.”

  //

It was 6:40 and Yvie still remained stood in front of her mirror, checking how she looks for the hundredth time. She doesn’t even know why she was still fixing how she looks when she clearly didn’t want to dress to impress. She dresses to depress. Her hair looked just how it did like always, its buns still staying the same way it was styled this morning. Her dress was somewhat similar to the dresses she wore daily, only this time, it was slightly more revealing and lacy. She kept her word and wore the freaky hat Scarlet gave to her because believe it or not, her adoration for the hat still hasn’t faded. It fit well with her outfit anyways so there was no big issue there.

  Tonight, she was supposed to have fun, but here she is, checking to see if she was passable enough for the party. Something bothered her and she didn’t know why. For the past days, she didn’t know why any interaction with Scarlet tickles her insides. She feels like mush whenever they exchange jokes and she flusters harshly whenever Scarlet would genuinely compliment or converse with her. And now, she wishes that she looked just as appealing as Scarlet was. She doesn’t know why she suddenly craves for Scarlet’s praise and appreciation but she does. And now, her bothering thoughts wouldn’t stop pestering and now she’s conflicted on her appearance.

  She looks at her pocket watch again– 6:44. The party most likely has started already since many arrived early. Scarlet already left with her clique and Vanjie and Brooke left as well just so they can spend more time with each other. Yvie said she would follow fifteen minutes ago and now, she’s still in the same place she was pacing around earlier.

  Yvie sighed as she grabbed her bag– she truly was a pathetic piece of shit, huh.

  Yvie decides to leave after enough convincing from herself. Even if her horrible was horrible, Scarlet would be very much displeased if she came in late, and Yvie definitely didn’t want to ruin her excited mood.

//

Because of their early arrival, both Brooke and Vanjie got a spot of their own near the corners of the room to stay away from any other person as much as possible. Brooke looked absolutely stunning, preparing effortfully for tonight. She wore an emerald green, flowy dress that hugged her body really well. Thanks to Vanjie, she had less struggles putting the dress on and styling her hair for tonight. Vanjie, on the other hand, wore something complimentary– a red dress that had only one sleeve while the exposed arm and shoulder was slathered with gold glitters. And because Brooke loved it, she made Vanjie tie her hair into a messy bun again.

  And so far, her night has been amazing. Only thirty minutes has passed since their arrival and they’ve been grooving to the music like there was no tomorrow. Brooke has twirled so much in her wheelchair that she started becoming slightly light headed. If they weren’t spinning around, they would use their arms to do simple dance moves. Even if the amount of dance moves Brooke can execute is limited, she was having a blast with Vanjie. 

  “How was Scarlet able to find this much bands in like, two days? There’s a whole fucking set of them just waiting to perform.” Brooke says, or most accurately, shouts, since the music was blasting across the ballroom. Vanjie shrugs as she bounces to the loud music, enjoying how incredibly vigorous the band was. 

  “I don’t know but I fucking love it. These bitches are talented as fuck, it’s insane,” Vanjie says as she cheers on the singers on the stage. Brooke also chimed in, cheering for them happily just like everyone else is. The singers seem to respond greatly to it, quickly amping up their song to its maximum. Both Brooke and Vanjie rock to the music, their energy never wavering, prompting them to continuously pump out dance moves at every second.

  “I’m having the time of my fucking life!” Brooke shouts at Vanjie, “God, I’d love to do this monthly if Scarlet is willing to do so.”

  “She’s rich as fuck, she can do whatever she wants, if I’m being honest,” Vanjie replies, “I’ll tell her that, I’m sure she’ll keep the recommendation in mind,” Vanjie says with a wink and Brooke laughs at her. 

  Then, Brooke proceeds to take Vanjie’s hands to twirl her around on the beat of the music. Vanjie was disoriented when she spun but it Brooke was thoroughly entertained by her. Vanjie then returns the favor and twirls Brooke around. She spins with ease since she’s done this multiple times before with her wheelchair. They both share another laugh until their laughter dies out.

  “Oz, you are so beautiful,” Vanjie says out of the blue and Brooke blushes. At least under the colored lighting, it wasn’t clearly visible. “I’ve been waiting for this since– since fucking seventh grade.”

  “I was waiting since sixth grade, how about that?” Brooke says, “We were just so oblivious to each other back then, it makes me cringe just thinking about it.”

  “Can I kiss you?”

  Brooke almost jumped out of her wheelchair, “Wh–wait what?” 

  “Ugh, Brooke, can I fucking kiss you?” Vanjie asks, clearly flustered. 

  Brooke’s heart beats quickly that she feels like it could jump out the next time she exhales. She fiddles with her wheelchair’s handles for a moment before nodding excessively. Vanjie then kneels as if she were to propose to Brooke and leans forward. They stare at each other longingly before Vanjie leans in and places her soft lips on Brooke’s. The kiss wasn’t too deep nor long– it was just a simple, sweet peck. Despite it being a short kiss, it made Brooke’s heart race as if she ran a mile. 

  Once Vanjie let go, there was a permanent smile planted on Brooke’s face. Vanjie had the same expression as well as she giddily bounced out of excitement. “That… I love that. I feel like we should do that more often,” Brooke says, sounding like a foolish idiot. 

  “I think we should.” Vanjie says, “D’ya wanna–?”

  “Yes, go ahead,” Brooke replies and Vanjie kneels down again to give her another affectionate kiss.

  Meanwhile, at the other side of the ballroom, Ra’jah was tutoring Scarlet on how to dance. Thankfully, there was less of a crowd since everyone wanted to have their own fun with dancing, and Scarlet felt more free because of it. Then again, there were still many eyes on her, and it was very much pressuring especially when she realized that she can’t dance if her life depended on it. It was quite frankly embarrassing that she needed Ra’jah’s guidance since a lot of people were watching but Ra’jah always makes sure that Scarlet would be enjoying the party.

  “Like this?” Scarlet asks as she flails her arms around while moving her hips to the rhythm. Ra’jah snorts at her for the millionth time tonight and Scarlet grumpily huffs at her. “You always keep laughing at me! Oz, I really must not be able to dance,”

  “You know, it’s bad when Brooke, someone on a wheelchair, and Madame Visage, an old bitch, are both better at dancing than you are.” Ra’jah remarks and Scarlet slaps her forearm jokingly. Then, Scarlet pauses as she realizes that Madame Visage was present. How did she not notice her entering the ballroom? And what in the world was she doing here?

  “Madame Visage?” Scarlet asks and Ra’jah gestures to the headmistress who was grooving near the center of the ballroom as if she were twenty years younger. Many have been cheering her on and honestly, it was a nice thing to see from the headmistress. Even if she were scarily serious at times, it was nice to know she also had this fun aspect in her.

  Scarlet decides to cheer on for her as well. The headmistress then turns towards her direction and Scarlet decides to cheer even louder. Madame Visage smiles as if she was pleased and shimmies towards Scarlet’s direction.

  “Scarlet, this party’s great! How did you even manage all of this in two days?” the headmistress says and Scarlet immediately feels flattered.

  “I have my ways,” Scarlet replies with a prideful expression.

  “It’s like magic, honestly,” Madame Visage says, “And speaking of magic, I have something for you,” Madame Visage opens up her purse and brings out this elongated box from it. The box was simply red but it seemed to hold more importance to it. The headmistress hands the box for Scarlet to open and like a child opening presents, Scarlet lifts the lid.

  Inside, there was a wand. Not some kind of pretentious toy wand you’d find in most toy shops; this was a real wand. Its design was simple: it merely looked like a brown stick. On the bottom, there was a ruby attached to it that was carved like a rose.

  “I— wait wait wait, what’s going on?” Scarlet says as her hands begin to shake. 

  “I’ll be meeting you on Monday, next week.” Madame Visage says with a wink. Scarlet thinks about her statement for a second and when she finally understood, Scarlet gasps loudly and squeals. She couldn’t believe it— she was invited to attend Madame Visage’s sorcery class. She thought it would be impossible to get into her class after how much they butt heads but now, she actually got in. How did she even make it in?

  “I don’t— I don’t recall myself auditioning or applying for the class besides my attempt on the first day so… why?”

  “Just thank Miss Oddly for that,” Madame Visage says before walking away and dancing again. Scarlet, still in disbelief, looks down at the wand in awe again. Yvie… Yvie, despite their constant bickering, requested for Scarlet to join her class. Yvie, despite Scarlet’s numerous fans verbally bullying her, personally asked Madame Visage to give Scarlet such an expensive wand. Yvie, despite receiving such a terrible hat from Scarlet, personally asked Madame Visage for Scarlet to receive lessons that would make her a master at sorcery.

  Scarlet was close to sobbing uncontrollably because of it. She did nothing to deserve Yvie Oddly yet Yvie’s out here giving Scarlet the best gift she could possibly receive.

  Right when Scarlet was about to tell Ra’jah war just occured, the noise and the music of the room suddenly dies down. The silence was incredibly thick and everyone seemed to stare at something, or rather, someone, who entered the ballroom. As Scarlet looks up, there she sees Yvie Oddly making a grand entrance into the ballroom. As always, she seemed confident and her courage was never wavering.

  But Yvie, truly, was a bit frightened as she entered the room. She didn’t expect everyone to notice her when she entered and the pregnant silence just made her more nervous. Yvie knew she would get attention but she didn’t think the whole room would grow silent just to judgmentally gaze at her.

  Yvie tries her best not to run away from the party, though. She walks down the steps that led to the main dancefloor as everyone watched. She can tell a few people were already whispering gossip about her and she tries her best to ignore it while she made her way to the center. Once she got there, she began dancing on her own, twirling and moving her arms gracefully to… to an imaginary rhythm.

  But after two sets of her horrible dancing, someone walks up to her from the crowd. It was Scarlet Envy, there in the flesh, with her red catsuit covered in fake roses. They stare at each other first before Scarlet began to follow Yvie’s moves, dancing it as horribly as Yvie was dancing them. Yvie started to smile as Scarlet began having fun with the moves, twirling closer and closer to Yvie as she does so.

  “What’re you guys doing?” Madame Visage yells, “start the music already!” she exclaims as everyone suddenly cheers, opposite to what their attitude was a minute ago. Scarlet giggles joyfully as she still continued dancing with Yvie, even grabbing Yvie’s hand to twirl around with her. Yvie also begins to smile as well, her fear being replaced with an immense glee as they dance around like no one is watching.

  Yvie doesn’t know exactly why Scarlet decided to save her ass now or why she suddenly became all carefree. But… it felt nice. Yvie felt like she was in absolute bliss. Without them being at each other’s throats, they both suddenly feel like they were in paradise, in heaven.

  But in the midst of their dancing, Yvie does realize something. Whenever she was with Scarlet, her pessimism seems to ease up as her happiness seems to increase tenfold. There was a weird feeling in her stomach every time she looks at Scarlet. Whether she’d merely exchange a few words with her or she’d simply make eye contact with her, Yvie felt her mouth go dry as she sometimes stood speechless merely just observing the redheads.

  Yvie realized that she was developing a crush towards Scarlet Envy.

#rpdr fanfiction #yvie oddly #scarlet envy #scyvie #ra’jah o’hara #vanessa vanjie mateo #brooke lynn hytes #shuga cain #michelle visage #wicked au #college au #branjie #yaiwdg #amelieee #fic challenge #musical theatre au #musical theatre challenge #s11 #tw slight bullying #submission

[palamig]

So in honor of the Fruits Basket reboot who would you say are your fave Furuba characters and ships (canon) and why? Least fave Furuba characters and canon ships and why?

Hello! Thank you for this ask, anon!

I honestly don’t want to play favorites because I love literally all of them. Except who am I kidding. I’ve been a hoe for Kyo since I was like 10. It’s been 14 years later and I’m still a hoe for Kyo. *Facepalm*

But no seriously. I love Kyo. He’s the character I can kind of relate to the most, the second being Tohru. Kyo is filled with a lot of self-loathing, the origins of which can be traced from a very nasty, abusive childhood (disclaimer alert, I didn’t have a nasty abusive childhood but I have experienced my own struggles with acceptance). Children grow from the kind of environment they’re born to and the way they’re treated. I love kids and that’s why ಥ Ĺ̯ ಥ Kyo’s flashbacks really killed me. 

Kyo is a good kitty. When Haru got lost going back from the bathroom in elementary school, Kyo fuckin held his hand and led him back to the classroom because he is a good fuckin kitty. Kyo wanted acceptance, and maybe love and affection too. But he was treated like shit. Because he was treated like shit, he thought of himself so lowly Tohru’s sincerity at wanting to be his friend surprised and probably freaked the fuck out of him. I’m kind of like that too. People with zero self-esteem will struggle with every compliment, every form of affection or attention throw their way. I still do. And Kyo does too. He’s a tsundere within reason lol. A lot of people have said this in other posts scattered on Tumblr, but Kyo struggles with accepting Tohru’s gestures because no one has ever been genuine to him before except for Kazuma (and Kyoko).

And that’s why Kyoru is my ultimate favorite ship. Kyo is like an angry storm, and Tohru is the mountain that knows how to withstand it, waiting patiently until the sun peeks back out from the grey clouds. Tohru doesn’t change Kyo, and Kyo doesn’t change for Tohru. Kyo changes because of her. These nuances are important because they show us the nature of Kyo and Tohru’s relationship. 

Tohru is not a girl who jumps into people’s lives and fixes them. (Although spoiler alert, at the latter part of the manga, she actively tries to fix Kyo’s curse). People fix themselves because of her. Yuki explains this well when he realizes how he really feels about her. Tohru was like a springboard that helped him start building a normal life. Tohru is inherently kind. Before anything else, I’d like to say that Tohru’s kindness is not a fault of crappy, unrealistic writing. Tohrus exist in this world too. People who aren’t judgmental, people who are forgiving of all your faults, people who sacrifice themselves for the ones they love without protest, people who are genuinely kind and accepting. My best friend is a Tohru and I will Die for her.

Kyo did not change for Tohru. He changed not just for Tohru, but for himself too. I think that’s important to point out. When you change for someone, it means you want them to like you. But the change that happens in Kyo is much deeper than just for the purpose of Tohru liking him back. He healed himself for himself and for her. Towards the latter part of the manga, when he was already attempting to get his life back on track before pursuing her again, we can argue that he did try to get his shit together for her. But the Kyo at this point in the manga has already drastically changed from the Angsty Teen we saw at the beginning. He’s a better version of himself by now–a person who has come to terms with who he is, even though there are still people unable to move on. Sometimes you can’t always change the way people think about you, but what you can change is the way you look at yourself.

And that’s why I say Kyo changed because of her. Her unconditional love and kindness let him forgive himself just a little. She helped him realize what he was and what he wasn’t. And like what Yuki said, maybe all we need is to just know that there’s one person out there who can accept us for who we are. That is Tohru to Kyo. Tohru is one of the very few handful of people who treated Kyo like a human being, who made him feel that being the cat wasn’t a sin. 

At the same time, Kyo is GOOD for Tohru. The fault of being a “giving” person is that you give so much to others you forget to leave some for yourself. All Tohru knew is how to service other people’s needs. She cooks and cleans at home. She prefers doing things for other people. For instance, whenever she visits shishou, she usually ends up doing all the work, even though she’s a visitor. This isn’t a problem. There are people who derive happiness from servicing others. But I guess this affected the way she thought about herself. Because she prefers tending to others, it feels weird when it’s her turn to be taken care of. When she failed the test Yuki tutored her for, she took it so badly she ended up crying and getting sick. She hates being a burden to others. And that’s why she masks her sadness in fake happiness, like when Hiro had made that comment about her mother at the vacation house.

At this point, Kyo is Officially Attached to Tohru. He thinks about Tohru’s wellbeing probably all the time, because hey this is the person who still loves me even after I kind of treated her badly during the first few parts of the manga and even after the whole crazy chapter 33 ordeal. She’s precious to me and I want her to never be sad and always be happy. And that’s why he notices. He notices All Of It. All her little habits, the changes in her expressions, whenever she feels sad or uncomfortable. Whenever something is bothering her. Whenever there’s something she needs. Whenever she’s not there. There are so many instances of this scattered all over the manga so it’s hard to cite examples. (Honestly I’m 100% Kyo because I don’t usually trust people and when people gain my trust I turn from bitch who the fuck- to Bitch your happiness is my number 1 priority). Kyo wants to take care of her.He wants to be that shoulder she can cry on because he loves her and he wants her to be happy. He will do anything for her and will let her do anything to him, i.e. hit him in the face with her bag lol, if it would make her feel better. Talking to and simply being Kyo also makes Tohru super happy. She forgets what she’s sad about whenever she’s with him. Like dam. I love this ship fuck

And that, kids, ends my TED talk about why I’m a hoe for Kyo and Kyoru. 

As for least favorite characters. It goes without saying that Kyo’s father can buRN IN HELL BITCH 

But in all seriousness, I try not to have, like, a “least favorite.” So I hope you don’t mind if I refrain from answering that latter question ᕦ( ͡͡~͜ʖ ͡° )ᕤ

#fruits basket spoilers #i will shut up about kyo maybe after 500 years #thats just science #replies

[rgr-pop]

where should i get started to figure out how to actually set up and decorate a home space?? (books, other resources?) i have no idea how to do it.

Hmmmm. I think the first step to designing any space is to live in the space without anything except for what you have and or what you absolutely need (you are moving with nearly no furniture, right? just moving out there in a car?). So then you can learn (possibly take notes if you are really serious) how you use space, what you are missing from every space, what you need the spaces to do for you, etc. (I think for the nature of your new life, you will want to consider, for example, how much you want or need your work to take space in your home.) I always recommend people do this before buying anything other than a thing to put your ass on and a second thing to put your drink on, but that’s just me! This is also a good time to reflect on what you liked or hated about what your setup was before. Some of these can be quick judgments: do you have absolutely nowhere to do kitchen prep? Are there rooms that get zero sunlight? No overhead light? Does a patch of floor need to be covered at any cost? But most of it you won’t figure out except with time, living in it, and that is why this is always a living process and not an event! (Making some assumptions about the status & condition of the place you’ll be renting, forgive me and I hope they pan out to be true for you 😬)

Take note of things that you have always wanted in your living space and whether they can be achieved in an easy way (for example, if you have always coveted yellow walls, just fucking do it, and if you absolutely cannot paint, do it with curtains and wall hangings). For me these things were things like: an in-closet shelf for shoes, dimmable lighting, bathroom drawers, a central decorative laundry hamper, extremely organized christmas storage, etc. Some of that has not been fulfilled but identifying how much it meant to me made the process clearer. Like, don’t invest yourself in a fantasy for no reason, but some ummm basic journaling can help you figure out what the roots of your desires or feelings of home inadequacy if you have them lol might be, and if the answer is “I just want a pink couch” then like…do it? Literally yolo.

The questions:

1. What are the tasks and activities you do in your home vs. wish to do in your home, and can you do them with what you have? Can you do them optimally? (Working [writing, grading, etc.], entertaining, cooking, BAKING, crafts and hobbies, tv watching, gardening, access to the windows for the cats, litter) (Wait: are you living alone?)

2. Where do things go? (Books, kitchen items, yarn, toiletries, clothes, laundry.) Is this system making it easier to locate your things when you need them, use them, and hide them when you’re not using them?

During this time you can figure out where the best places in your area are to get furnishings (one always has to get acquainted with a new thrift market)! (Look for habitat for humanity restores and university surplus.*) *Design tip: do your whole home in former university library furniture

Don’t read any bullshit that tells you rules about how to decorate or live until you know how you actually use your space and what you want! You will only get SOLD [things and ideologies], misled, shamed, lied to by Dwell… after that you deal with the nebulous problem of “inspiration” and “figuring out what you actually like aesthetically.” 

So the other part of that is looking at what you have actually brought with you and, well, you’ve surely already marikonned, right. But look at the decorating and furnishing items (as well as practical items ofc), live with them, and ask whether they are working for you or need eventual replacement (not buying a bunch of furniture you don’t need immediately is a good way to save money for idk replacing your cutting board, quilts and rugs). For decorative items or potentially decorative items (maybe art objects or ephemera that are special to you that you could frame and thus turn into “art,” for example), this is a time where you can let them tell you the aesthetic direction of your home! For example in my personal life, basically the whole visual story of my bedroom was gradually directed by two enameled salmon pieces (a lamp and a cigarette stand) that I’ve had for so long that they aren’t even my “style” per se, but I love them, and so I let them determine the way!

For you in particular I would suggest an aesthetic inspo quest that involves not looking at instagram and internet design sites (”pinterest,” as they say) but old magazines and primary sources, esp re: “lifestyle.” (A lot of the 70s high tech kind of stuff I look at now makes me really try to want to “decorate” my space in a way that would have been called “lifestyle” back then, even if for me it just means “what if I got table surfaces I can move around in different ways to accommodate my multiple craft hobbies,” etc.) Secondarily I recommend thrift shopping and, when finances allow, just buying the thing that moves you and figuring it out later. (I recommend this technique to everyone who has the liquid $20-100, it is the more utopian version of “settling for the ikea coffee table.”)

Figure out ASAP whether you can paint, etc. and whether you’d want to. As far as books? I mean I don’t really recommend any in particular because, again, Ideology. That’s why I like looking at older ones, because they expose the historical situatedness of interiors ideology!!

So short answer

1. A big move is an emotionally vulnerable time, do not let Apartment Therapy prey on that. Don’t read anything! Instead, look at old books and magazines and browse craigslist

2. Literally journal

3. Figure out your budget 

4. IKEA should be a last resort for absolutely anything except for those things you put plastic bags in, drawer organizers, recycling bins and maybe rugs (unfortunately rugs are just expensive everywhere but ikea). Unless you have 200 bottles of nail polish in which case the helmer is still the best option on the market. Don’t go to IKEA.

Not really what you were asking, lol :). Now once you tell me details about your space and collect notes on your vision, I can tell you sources that I trust to brainwash you the cool way and not the apartment therapy way (lbr am not above apartment therapy and have visited them a lot every time I moved into a new place) (it will make you feel bad about yourself)

#interiors

[patlee]

Yeah. Just imagine.

Chad Curtis blocked me when I commented on his 2016 post at the time, but I felt his fact-averse “essay” was worth revisiting, now that we are two years in to a Trump presidency. As has become emblematic of the Trump presidency and his base, provable facts don’t matter. 

After becoming president, Donald Trump has made 7,546 false or misleading claims over 700 days, as researched and catalog by The Washington Post.

An Oxford University study found that Trump supporters share more fake news on social media than any other political group. This “essay” is no exception, with the demonstrable falsehoods beginning with the first sentence. I’d like to think Chad may have had a change of heart since then.

You can see Chad’s original post here.

Imagine an America where Hillary Clinton is President...

By Chad Curtis / November 3, 2016

If she can acquit the rapist of a 12 year old girl, knowing he was guilty, and laugh about it, what other atrocity will she actively pursue injustice on against the helpless?  

If she can look into the parent’s eyes of the fallen Benghazi soldiers, who she left for dead when they called hundreds of times for help, stand over their caskets and lie to them about what happened to their sons, saying “what difference at this point does it make??” what lie will she not tell?  

If she, behind closed doors to her rich donor friends, can call Hispanics “taco bowl voters,” and “needy latinos,” black Americans, “professional never do wellers and super predators that need to be brought to heel,” catholics “bastardized” actively working within the democratic party to overthrow the religion, Bernie Sanders supporters “basement dwellers and a bucket of losers,” Trump supporters, a “basket of deplorables and irredeemable,” Arab-Americans “sand n***ers” Bill Clinton’s rape accusers “looney toons and trash” with her top staffers saying she “hates everyday Americans” how can she lead a country of people she hates and detests so much?  

If she can hold such a corrupt organization as the Clinton Foundation, where donations in the multi-millions were illegally made by foreign dictators in exchange for power and influence in the U.S. State Department, all the while enriching herself to the point of being worth over 100 million dollars, under the mask of a “charitable foundation,” can you only imagine how she will use the White House on a grander scale for her own financial gain, while selling out the United States to foreign powers?

If she and her campaign can accept over 100 million dollars in donations from Wall Street and over 50 million dollars from middle eastern countries like Qatar, Saudi Arabia etc, that throw gays off buildings, behead them, believe its ok to rape women, and don’t allow them to drive or go to school, and refuse to give any of that money back, will she sell out any cause for a price? How can she possibly say she will stand up for gays and women?  

If she can fund Islamic terrorist groups and supply them weapons, and 20% of her campaign is funded by middle eastern countries like Saudi Arabia and Qatar, what possible outcome other than more attacks, more killings and bombings, and more broken American families can we expect under a Clinton Administration?  

If she can look into American parents’ eyes and say “it is the primary role of the state to teach, train, and raise children, parents play a secondary role,” what will she not do to continue to break down the family in our country?  

If she can break federal law and delete 33000 emails and destroy 13 phones with a hammer after being subpoenaed by U.S. Congress, and lie about it repeatedly, all the while colluding with the White House, department of Justice and attorney General to cover up her crimes, what national security matter will she not endanger us with by deliberately breaking the law and deliberately covering up?  

If she can say it is her “dream to have a hemispheric common market and open borders” what length will she not go to destroy U.S. sovereignty and cede our country to a one world government?  If her top aide Huma Abedin’s mom is the editor of a Muslim brotherhood magazine that promotes sharia law and death to America, along with Huma’s convicted pedophile husband, this in addition to her former KKK mentor, how bad can her judgment be? And how many others has she aligned herself with in her inner circle that hates America’s values?  

If she can stand on the DNC convention stage and smile at the American people, knowing she rigged the process, along with the DNC chairwoman, going all the way back to 2014, to ensure her win and silence the American people’s voice for Bernie Sanders, what else will she rig and who else will she silence, and who else will she collude with for her own gain?  

If she can cheat and accept questions from Donna Brazile prior to multiple debates to give herself an unfair advantage, how far will she go to break any rule or law necessary to get herself ahead? And how deep is the corruption within her own party?  

If she will intimidate and force her husband’s many rape victims to stay silent and keep them from coming forward, what other victims will she keep from justice and how can she possibly be a champion for women?    

If she will raise our taxes by 1.3 trillion dollars, despite literally losing 6 billion dollars while running the State department, and already being the highest taxed country in the world, and being 20 trillion in debt as a country, including raising taxes on the middle class, what will she not do to further strain hard working families financially and how else will she mismanage your hard earned money? Does she even care?    

If one of her biggest mentors is Robert Byrd, a former high ranking KKK member, whom she said was a man of "surpassing eloquence and nobility," how much of the KKK values does she support?  

If she can stand arm in arm with Barack Obama and break criminal law by sending Iran 400 million dollars to Iran as ransom for hostages, and lie to the American people about it, are there any limits to the lengths she'll go to further severe trust between the American people and government?    

If she can exploit a situation like the 2010 earthquake in Haiti, by stealing 14 billion dollars through the Clinton Foundation given for relief, instead funneling the money to themselves and their friends, while most citizens and kids still live in dire poverty and in tents, and the Haitian senate president saying “they are nothing but common thieves who should be in jail,” what depths will she go to enrich herself at the expense of others, even those in the worst possible situations?    

If she actively aligns herself with and supports terrorist groups like BLM, and doesn't seek support from America's largest police force, how far will law and order fall and how many officers will die because of her choice to empower terrorism and political correctness?    

If Hillary’s supervisor during the Watergate investigation in the 70’s says, "Hillary was a liar, she was an unethical, dishonest lawyer. She conspired to violate the Constitution, the rules of the House, the rules of the committee and the rules of confidentiality,” considering her recent lies about her emails etc, and focus on disbanding the 2nd Amendment, what 40 year personal record is more concerning than that?    

If she can say “the supreme court is wrong on the 2nd Amendment,” in a private speech to rich donors, what will stop her from doing everything in her power to rewrite the constitution and remove the right to bear arms?    

If her and her team can hire the mentally ill, paying them $1500 and an Iphone, to go to Trump’s rallies and incite violence, injuring many, throwing eggs on women and severely injuring police officers, and then blame Trump for the violence, what other disgusting tricks will she employ for her own personal gain?    

If 48+ people close to Clinton, like Vince Foster, Ed Willey, Suzanne Coleman and just recently Shawn Lucas have mysteriously died, when having opportunity to give incriminating evidence against her and her family, could it be that she will go to any lengths to protect her position of power?    

If she can say to an unborn baby just hours before being delivered and say “the unborn do not have constitutional rights,” you are not a person, we are going to mutilate and tear you out of your mother’s womb and kill you, and also say she wants to be the “planned parenthood president” and supporting partial birth abortions, who and what else will she kill with no remorse?  

What kind of country would allow this kind of person to be employed in government? Let alone be promoted? Let alone run for President?  

We should pray for America.  

A vote for Hillary Clinton is your signature on all of the above. Not voting is your signature on all of the above. A third party vote is your signature on all of the above, as a third party has no chance of winning.  

A vote for Donald Trump, with all his imperfections, is to stand in the gap against all of the above.  

A vote for Donald Trump, an imperfect person, is to put a renewed focus in our country on American independence, our 2nd Amendment, life, religious liberty, our constitution, leading from the front, on border safety and security, rebuilding our military, a constitutional supreme court, ethics reform in government including term limits on congress, on economic strength, smart trade, rebuilding our inner cities and school choice, removing common core, law and order, and on honoring and championing the only people standing in the gap between chaos and anarchy in our country and abroad, our police officers and military veterans.  

He is a billionaire who at 70, could be enjoying the fruits of his labor with his family, but instead has spent over 100 million dollars of his own money on his campaign and has endured the most intense media pile on in American political history, all because he wants to give back and fight to make America great again. He has not taken more than one day off in 18 months, traveling the country, working tirelessly, fighting for that cause.  

This election could be America’s last chance, to draw a line in the sand and start to push back against the corrupt Washington machine, driven by the Clinton’s for decades.  

This election is  

“We the people” and Donald Trump  

vs.  

The smug arrogance of the corrupt Washington establishment, donors and special interests, Wall Street, globalism, George Soros, open borders, corrupt democratic and republican insiders and elites, the liberal mainstream media, Hollywood, dishonest politicians, political correctness, everything Americans are sick of in our government, and the ultimate Washington insider mob boss, the most corrupt, criminal and dishonest person to ever run for office, a felon, Hillary Clinton – all working together to maintain their power, status, and money in a corrupt system.  

Americanism vs. Globalism.  

Trump wants to make America stronger than ever. Clinton wants us to cede to a global government, and sell our nation off piece by piece.  

“My highest duty as President is to protect our citizens and uphold the Constitution of the United States. It will be America first. Once again we will be a government of, by, and for the people. I will be America’s greatest defender and most loyal champion.” –DJT

“It is my dream to have a hemispheric common market and open borders.. we have been working to produce an unaware and compliant citizenry. Ignorant voters are our best key to win.” – HRC

This could be our last chance to take back our country. November 8 can be our new American Independence Day.  

We may not see an opportunity like this again in our lifetime.  

The most powerful weapon we have is our vote.  

As someone who wants this country to be great again, to stand for goodness again, for my kids and grandkids, I will be standing in the gap against all that this woman has proven to be on November 8, and voting for Donald Trump.  

Say what you will about Mr. Trump, he will fight for America. As should we all.

Please share.

You can see Chad’s original post here.