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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years

Note

Prompts no 25, 27, 31 angst and non happy ending because I'm a little sad

The affair

Dialogue prompt 31- I want you to list every lie you ever told me.. then I'll forgive you | I hope whoever you are, you're doing better now. My apologies for bringing it out pretty late.

TW- ANGST | Harry loved him, only till fire burned.

Prompt 25 | prompt 27

It could have been love.

Or perhaps it was love until the arson had lasted and the land got buried in the ashes. Maybe it was love, until the fire remained burning, and the air had stated vanishing and soon it died.

He always knew he thought love was a transaction, to get something back in return for what you deposit in, he never believed in it but was Draco swooned. He let himself take the fall hoping that maybe harry would save him. He knew what he was getting into but too fooled was he to believe that love changes people, he held onto the false hope. He assumed, he believed in himself that maybe, just maybe after everything Harry had been through, after everything he fought for, maybe he'd like to not face change anymore. That maybe after everything, he deserved to be loved and deserve to love. That maybe he too felt that there was none who understood him better than Draco like he did, only he should've known.

But once learnt the hard way, draco didn't know how many loses more could he take. Maybe he felt as though he owed it to harry, that perhaps harry was his last shot at love, no matter what happened. Even with the ever consuming lies building up in the relationship that had been going on for 3 years. But Draco would lie to himself if he said he was happy anymore. He used to be, but he hadn't felt the little comfort in the physical affection or more than a chaste kiss in the past few months and he was afraid. Afraid that his inner voice was right.

" I think he's cheating on me " Draco numbly spoke to pansy as he drank his cold coffee

" oh hone-"

" I knew it " Draco interjected.

Pansy gave him a pity look but oh she knew too. She knew he was cheating. The lies Harry had fed only worked a little.

" how do you know ?" Pansy asked, holding a little of Draco's hand in a comforting touch over the table.

" he told me he'd be at the office yesterday. I went to drop him something but he wasn't there. He had left hours ago " Draco replied blankly stating at pansy drawing circles on the upper side of his hand

" but you can't be sure " pansy sighed.

Draco hummed, deciding to not further talk about it.

Perhaps days went by, Draco had stopped counting, he has stopped looking at the calender when their anniversary passed as a forgotten date. Perhaps weeks since Harry tried to come home and cuddle with Draco. And maybe month too when they last went on a date.

Why was Draco doing this to himself? Fear.

He watched as the light, the spark, the fire diminish in Harry's eyes for Draco but a new one was born each day he left for work, like he had something to look forward to. He felt it in Harry's soft light chaste touches that they weren't a secret, private anymore, they were of Someone else too. He even smelled the perfume of another one on Harry's shirt. Yet he rested in fear, fear he'd never be loved again. Because even if everything, harry still was his boyfriend, by tag but he was.. it was all in the labels. But He didn't even come to Draco's work party.

" why don't you leave him ?" Blaise had asked. Draco only shrugged, yawning.

" do you even sleep anymore?" Blaise tried asking again. Draco shrugged once again. He had lost count of hours he slept too.

But alone in the night, sitting on a bed in loneliness even with the body next to him, he cried relentlessly in silent sobs. He would bite his palm to keep the muffles inside as he'd stare at the man he'd once loved, become Lost. He missed the harry who'd kiss him before sleeping or who'd whisper good night or the one's who dragged draco to shower with him or the harry who'd visit between works to take him out for lunch.. he missed the harry that was only his own and not shared as a public property.

________________________

He sat alone on the table of a family dinner as his father for first In a while looked at Draco in pity sitting next to an empty chair, reserved for his love who never showed up.

" we should start. He must be stuck with something " Draco Whispered.

Narcissa hesitantly nodded, helping serve the dinner and the family ate in low Whispers and soft chews.

And then perhaps as if an old friend has knocked his door, Draco was met with the young boy who loved Harry in his rivalry,who stood for what was right, for what wasn't just to him, one who believed that if love existed he'd never settle for less. Slamming the door shut, Draco instead of disapparating, stumbled back home with one bottle of whiskey he couldn't even drink because of the drowning heart that yearned sobriety.

" where were you ?" Harry has asked sitting on the sofa, watching TV at midnight when draco had stumbled back home.

But draco didn't respond, placed the bottle on the counter top, only little drunk, unknown tears smeared across his face.

" I asked you a question Draco, where were you ?" Harry sternly asked as he turned around to watch Draco

" are you fucking drunk ?' harry was perhaps disgusted but it only made Draco laugh. A mock.

" do you ask your other boy that too ?"

" what- what other boy ?" But harry was a bad liar.

Draco sniffed in as he walked forwards, collapsed on the couch next to Harry's and stared blankly out of the window, tears immediately blurring his vision.

" it was my parents anniversary today? Do you remember ? I told you a day before yesterday to be there, even sent a memo ? Did you receive ?" Draco asked, his legs shaking.

" oh- see I kept thinking I was forgetting something. I'm so sorry babe-"

" don't-call-me-that" Draco sneered

" what is the matter with you ?" Harry asked thoroughly offended

But Draco only exhaled a shaky breath, his hands contributing to the shakiness and he finally landed his eyes upon the man he had lost.

" was I not enough ?" His voice broke as he asked, staring into Harry's lost face

" what are you even on about-"

" your affair harry. Your bloody affair " Draco raised his voice so as to be stern, confident that be wasn't lying.

" what ? I don't have any affair. I'm offended that you even think that Draco. After everything we've been through-"

"bullshit " Draco snapped

" you think I can't see it Harry ? I can sense it across an entire room if you're there or not, don't you think I wouldn't know that the man I loved is not just Mine anymore ?"

" you're being ridiculous " harry rolled his eyes.

Draco gave Harry a weak smile before he went on " do you remember the last time you told me you loved me ?"

Harry frowned as he thought upon until the realisation hit " i- I didn't realize -"

" I don't blame you " Draco shook his head " I can't even if I Want to. Perhaps I am infact not enough.. perhaps I've failed to be who you wanted me to be. I don't blame you harry, I don't-"

" Draco, there's nothing going-"

" what's his name ?" Draco interjected

" there's no one "

" does he make you happy ?" Draco asked weakly

" Draco, there isn't-"

" does he kiss better than I do ?" Draco asked, his voice breaking.

Harry sighed " I'm not cheating Draco "

" then when did you fall out of love with me ?" Draco asked

Harry stared at Draco long enough to see the pain turning to mocking numbness " I never did "

" liar " Draco sneered as he looked away, not even bringing his hands up to wipe his tears.

" I love you Draco-"

" liar " Draco suddenly raised his voice " you're a pathetic liar " he sobbed

" all this time I tried to forgive you in my head but I only need to ask one thing, what did I do to deserve this ?" Draco sobbed

Harry's face filled with pity as he closed distance between them to wipe Draco's tears away but he jerked his hands away.

" I didn't mean for it to happen " harry finally said as he looked down at his feets, as though he was disgusted in himself.

Draco looked at harry attentively " how long ?"

" Draco-"

" how long harry ?" Draco asked sniffing

" 5 months " harry replied. It should not have been a blow, not have hurt this bad, because Draco already knew but he did. Tears rapidly burning his face as pathetic sobs left his lips and he looked away as if he couldn't bear to look at harry.

" it meant nothing to me Draco-"

" it doesn't matter " Draco interjected, heaving for a long breath

" no I mean it Draco, it didn't mean anything "

" if it didn't mean anything then why were you with him tonight instead of me ?"

But in hopes of trying to fix things, harry couldn't formulate an answer without hurting Draco.

" I really loved you harry, I still do and I hate myself for it but I will let you go "

" Draco Don't-"

" I have loved you enough but in hopes of trying to keep you close, I have made you runaway from me and that's no one's but my own fault. Perhaps I loved you too much or too little but neither of it was enough to make you stay " Draco cried in silent tears.

" don't say that Draco. Please. I still love you. I never stopped. I'll leave him for you. I only love you. It was a mistake Draco. I promise it won't happen again. I'm sorry Draco, please, please forgive me " harry begged

Draco offered Harry a little smile before he took Harry's hands in how own, locking their finger's together and kissing his knuckles.

" I Want you to list every lie you ever told. Then maybe I'll forgive you "

And in that sweetness Draco left Harry more broken than he had ever felt. Filled with regret he had never felt. Pain he had long forgotten. Misery and sorrow he had said good-bye too. But it was in his sweetness harry had loved him and it was in his sweetness he had lost him. That night when Draco went away, with no response, he never came back again and harry was left alone.

It could have been love, or perhaps it was, only until the night was young and the sun had not risen.

Till the mortal fire had burnt.

It's basically midnight thoughts.

300 followers appreciation dialogue prompt requests open.

( ps. I reached 400 tho )

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sweeethinny · 3 years

Note

This is random, but I wanted to say how much I enjoy that you wrote Al as gay but didn't make him in love with Scorpius! It's a friendship I love. Any chance you'd write more about them? :)

Mah, I took too long with this, I'm so sorry!

but i finally wrote it, and i hope you like it <3

AO3

------

Because that's what friends do

"You're an idiot. She doesn't care about you."

"How do you know?"

"Because she likes my brother." Albus said, rolling his eyes at the fact that his friend is the only one denying it. Even Lily noticed, when last week they saw the two of them in the garden in the afternoon, she was sitting against a tree with a book in her hand, and he was lying on her lap sleeping.

It was obvious that they had long since stopped being friends.

"Well, you could be wrong," Scorpius shrugged, sitting at the Slytherin table but his eyes focused on the table in front of them, where hair as blond as his stood out.

It was early, there weren't many people there, Albus didn't even want to be up so much before their class time, but they had to study and he had promised he would go this time. He almost always preferred to stay asleep, even if he had to study late into the night afterwards.

Albus worked best at night.

"Man, she probably sees you as her boyfriend's younger brother, as she sees me,"

"They don’t date." Scorpius stared at Albus like a hungry owl. He sighed, giving up on trying to help.

They had already had that conversation many times, and they always ended up falling out because to Albus it was obvious that Mira didn't even remember Scorpius' existence, but his friend always said that he had never liked someone so much to understand what he felt.

"All I have is hope, you don't know what it's like."

Which was true.

Albus had never liked anyone, at least not in a loving way, but it was because he was… afraid.

The first time he realized he had found a man too handsome, much more so than his classmates, that's when Ben Johnson was revealed as a new player for Puddlemere and appeared shirtless on the cover of Witch Weekly magazine.

The image of him smiling with that beautiful face of his, and his body all tanned, strong and sweaty, stayed in his mind for much longer than it should have. And Albus still had his poster because his arms looked huge in that uniform and heavens, how could anyone be so handsome?

But of course no one knew that, because it seemed wrong that Albus should spend so much time liking a man when his friends seemed to be obsessed with the newest Harpies. Okay, they were pretty, Albus would never deny that, but not… that pretty. The Puddlemere guys were much more interesting to him, and Albus decided that was very wrong.

And he wouldn't even get into the fact that Elio, the new Hufflepuff chaser, was probably the prettiest boy Albus had ever seen at Hogwarts.

Elio was a year older than them, he was in his fourth year, and he was so kind it was irritating. Albus and he ended up meeting in the library at night when he went there to study, the Hufflepuff also seemed to agree that night was the best time to read and do the things that needed to be done, and whether for lack of friends or because he really wanted, Elio invited Albus to sit with him.

It was just the two of them there, and it was almost close to curfew, so not even the nerds were in the library, and as much as Albus didn't want to raise expectations, on other days, Elio also invited him to study. Which made it a very difficult situation for his poor heart.

"Are you listening to me?" Scorpius complained, glaring at Albus like he was crazy. "I asked you if you want to go to the gardens?"

''Why would you- oh…'' Glancing quickly over his shoulder, Albus saw James arriving at the Gryffindor table, waving to him before taking a seat next to Mira, who laid her head on his shoulder as he passed his arm around her waist.

Albus wanted to have James' confidence.

"Come on, it should be nicer out there." He tucked the books into his bag, wanting to tell Scorpius that he'd warned, but not thinking it would be very kind of him. He wouldn't like it if he did that.

''Where were you yesterday, by the way?'' Scorpius eyed him with a smirk, walking beside him out of the hall, looking as if he hadn't just seen the girl he liked showing affection to another guy. "You're full of secrets lately, should I be jealous?"

"Don't be an idiot," Albus pushed him away, chuckling softly and feeling his cheeks flush. ''I was studying.''

"You seem to have become quite fond of potions all of a sudden, Freya said there's probably someone involved in this… You'd tell me if it was true, wouldn't you?"

''Of course.'' Albus looked away, not because he didn't trust Scorpius to keep his secret, but because... if he spoke it out loud, it would come true, and he didn't quite know how to handle it yet. It was weird.

For years he had envied James his confidence and how extroverted Lily was, thinking that if it was them there, they would have no problem with just taking it on for the whole world and not caring what others thought about it.

Albus wished he could talk to his dad about it, because Harry would probably know how to handle it, but it would be hard to ask for advice without telling him that he liked boys.

"Hm… I wasn't so confident in that answer." The two sat down behind one of the greenhouses, like they used to.

‘’Where is Freya? I thought she was going to be here.'

‘’Don't change the subject, Potter... So, are you liking someone? Is that why you've come to love potions now and go to the library to study every night?'' Scorpius dropped his own bag on the floor, turning to him with eyes wide with curiosity, looking excited at the prospect of him having a date.

“There's no one.” Albus opened his bag, not wanting him to see his expression because he knew he wasn't a good liar.

‘’Come on, Al, please tell me. I promise I won't laugh.”

“Why would you laugh?” He grimaced.

‘’I don't know, maybe you're liking a hateful person and that's why you don't want to tell? Or… I don't know Albus, but it doesn't matter, please tell me. I told you about Mira, and she's your brother's girlfriend.” Scorpius shrugged.

‘’Aha! So you admit she's his girlfriend.”

‘’Okay, yes, I admit it. So, will this encourage you to tell me? Is it someone I know?'' Albus didn't quite know what to say, but he was spared that, because before he even opened his mouth, a group of Hufflepuffs passed by, probably heading to their morning Quidditch training, and in the midst of that jumble of voices and laughter was Elio, with his perfect brown hair in a bun, his uniform highlighting everything that was best in his body, and that smile that made Albus sleep smiling - even though he thought that was the dumbest thing of all.

His tanned skin seemed to glow against the yellow of his uniform, and Merlin helped him, he looked like a Sun God.

Albus was pathetic.

"Hey, Potter!" He greeted him, for the first time, in front of other people - but Albus usually flinched from him when he saw he was with his friends.

He thought it would combust.

"Hey, Perlman!" Albus nodded, trying not to smile too much.

Scorpius didn't say anything as the group walked away, it hadn't been a big deal, Elio hadn't declared himself to him or kissed him in front of everyone, but even so Albus felt close to screaming with happiness.

"Oh…" Scorpius was still looking in the direction where the group had gone, blinking nonstop. Albus was ready to say it wasn't at all what he was thinking and came up with some female name to say it was who he was in love with, but Scorpius wouldn't let him. ‘’Elio?! Why didn't you tell me before?” Was he…smiling?

‘’Scorpius, it's nothing-’’

''Change of plans, we're not going to study, we're going to go watch them train.'' Scorpius didn't even seem to think before throwing their books back into his bag, soon getting up and pulling Albus along with him, who was still a little mortified.

He wasn't going to the field.

''We will not go.''

‘’Of course we will! By Merlin's beard, why didn't you tell me? Elio is the nicest guy I've ever met, of course you'd fall in love with him, and I can't deny he's handsome.” Scorpius shrugged. ‘’Have you ever kissed?

"No!" Albus blushed, because he didn't want to admit that he'd thought about this much more than acceptable. "Are you… are you okay with that?"

"With what?" Scorpius blinked in confusion, pulling him toward the field.

‘’With me liking a boy... I mean... you don't have to pretend it's okay-’’

‘’Why would I need to lie? Look, Al, I'll be honest with you, I already suspected, you didn't hide the Ben poster so well,” Albus blushed even more, but Scorpius continued. ‘’But it's okay to like guys, you know? You're free to kiss whoever you want, and if you don't, that's okay too, it's your life…” He shrugged. "I'm your best friend, you don't need to hide these things from me." Scorpius' smile faltered. ‘’I'm still your best friend, am I not? Or has Elio already taken my place?’’

"Don't be an idiot." Albus pushed him again, laughing along with him. "You're still my best friend, even if you wake me up early to study."

‘’Well, now we found a new hobby for you to do; Watching Elio being hot in the air.” He said all dramatic, hands up, as if showing the title of a movie in the air. ‘’Much better than studying History, be honest.’’

"Much better." Albus smiled. "Thank you," he said sincerely, because that burden seemed less heavy now that he was sharing it with someone.

''Is nothing. That's what friends do, isn't it?” Scorpius smiled, pulling Albus into a hug, not seeming to mind the people passing by and looking at them suggestively. "Come on, you still need to tell me if you've ever flirted with him."

#harry potter next generation #albus is a cute boy <3 #albus severus potter #next gen harry potter #james sirius x oc #albus severus x oc #hinny #my fic

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sery-chan-13 · 3 years

Text

Ruin Us

Chapter 14 to '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, mentions of rape, death threats, panic attacks and I think that's about it

You hoped you didn't have nightmares.

But hoping for such a thing was wishful thinking.

"No... nonononono, silly girl! He's not here. You should check down there, I heard his father called for him," the voice taunted. You hated that voice. "Oh! Or maybe he's up there! Where you found his note! Maybe he really did it this time!" You stood in a dark room. The walls, floor, ceiling were pitch black. There was only light was a dim light where you stood.

You didn't know where the voice was coming from. All you knew was that it was taunting you.

"He's fine," you said, your hands shaking even though your voice sounded brave. "Is he?" The voice laughed. "Nonononononono! I think you're mistaken! He's over here!" The voice said, getting distorted with every 'no' it said. In the room, a screen in front of you lit up. It showed a video of you two being on the roof, and suddenly him falling off. You gasped. Another screen lit up. Another, another, another. And which each one, a new way of him dying.

You covered your ear. You couldn't stand it. All around you was noise. He was crying. He was screaming. He was begging you to help. You couldn't. You screamed, "Stop it! Make it stop!" repeatedly as if it would. All the screens shut off. You were panting, and shaking, tears you didn't know had formed fell from your eyes. You dropped to the floor. "You're a liar! He's fine!" You screamed out into the darkness. You heard slow dragging footsteps getting close to you. "Is he? Or are you lying again?" The voice said. As it got closer, you started to recognize it. "You're a liar liar pants on fire!" The voice sounded younger this time. Even still, you knew who it was. "Liar! Why are you such a liar!" It shouted, going back to sounding like him. Just distorted. The footsteps got even closer, and you could finally see the body of the person. The face was covered by the shadows. "I'm not a liar! Not! I'm not I'm not I'm not!" You shouted. "You are! Liar!" It hissed. Why was it saying it in his voice? It hurt so much more coming from him. "I-i didn't lie to you, I promise!" You whimpered. "You promised you wouldn't lie... why would you lie to me? I trusted you," he asked. It sounded like he was crying. "I-i didn't! You can still trust me!" You cried. "Why did you lie to me?"

You woke up with a start, sitting up. You gasped, holding a hand to your chest. You looked besides you. Niragi was still there. You started crying quietly, curling up next to him. "Hngh... eh? What's wrong sweetheart?" You heard Niragi groan sleepily. "I-it was so scary!" You whimpered, hiding your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly. "Are you mad at me? I'm sorry I lied to you, I was scared I'm sorry please don't hate me," you rambled, tears soaking through his shirt. " 'M not mad... we talked about this already. I'm just happy you're ok... did you have a nightmare?" He asked. You nodded.

You had been having a lot of nightmares recently. Most having to do with Niragi. This was one of the worst ones.

You had had nightmares since you were a kid. You had them when you met Niragi. You've kept having them into your adult life.

You woke up with a start. Without thinking, you wiped the tears from your eyes, and got up from bed. You went over to the balcony, and started to climb down the stairs you had made.

You were soon on the ground, and ran over to Niragis house. His light wasn't on like it usually was. Was he a sleep? Then you saw a sticky note on his window. ''I'm in the tree house working on something. If you need anything don't be afraid to go back there. There's a flashlight in the bush by my window since I know you're scared of being alone in the dark. Be safe (Y/N)," you read the note. You sniffled, and found the flashlight.

Walking through the path at night was terrifying. Anything or anyone could jump out at any moment.

But the safety of the lights on in the tree house, made you run to it. You found the ladder, held the flashlight in your mouth, and began climbing. Once you got up there, you saw Niragi working on something on the desk. Just like his note had said. "Gi-gi..." you whispered. He turned around with a smile. Whatever he was working on on his desk, he hid from your view. "(Y/N), what's up?" He asked. You walked over, but he stopped you. "Here, let's go over there," he said, grabbing your hand. He lead you over to the beanbag chairs you had.

"So, what's up?" He asked once more. "Had a nightmare," you whispered. It must have been bad if you came out to look for him. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked. "It was really scary this time! I-i didn't know if it was a dream, or if... if it had really happened, so I came to look for you. You always make me feel better," you whimpered, hugging him. He hugged you back, knowing you were probably not feeling the best right now. If you were crying it must be bad. "It's ok... tell me if you want," he whispered. You nodded, and he got up, leading you with him. First, he grabbed some blankets, and then he turned off the light. You followed him around, till he pulled you down on the beanbags again. "And you made me get up why?" You asked with a small laugh. "Because. Anyways... you still want to talk about it?"

"Are you ok? Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, yawning after he finished. You looked over seeing it was 2 am. You had woken him up. It seemed like you couldn't do anything right this night. You felt so utterly guilty, helpless, and tired that you just started sobbing. "I- I'm sorry imsorryimsorryimsorry," you apologized through hiccuping sobs. He looked down through sleepy eyes, and gently rubbed your back. "It's alright... you didn't do anything wrong sweetheart," he whispered. That nickname... Why was it making you feel weird?

"Sweetheart-"

"My sweetheart-"

"- sweetheart"

That's why. It's the nickname he had had for his ex girlfriends. He was tired, he probably wasn't thinking straight. No way would he call you that nickname if he weren't so tired.

It was reserved for his lovers. You knew you weren't his lover. It made you feel ...

Sad?

Why would you be sad, you liked him as a friend, didn't you?

"C-can... can I tell you... why I hadn't told you about what happened?" You whispered. "Of course. Go ahead," he said softly.

"If you tell that fucking loser what happened here today, you're dead. And so is he. Got it?" They threatened, gripping onto your hair tightly, pulling you up by it. You tried nodding, tears falling from your eyes. "I can't fucking hear you, slut," one spat, pulling a knife from his pocket. You flinched. "Y-yes! I got it!" You shouted through sobs. He let you go, your body falling to the ground. "Good. Let's go."

You lay there, unable to move. Not because of them, but because you couldn't. Getting up meant having to face the reality of what happened. Getting up would mean going home, cleaning up, and pretending this hadn't happened. Getting up would mean not telling Niragi. Getting up to you, meant letting them win.

But you had to get up.

So you did. Picking yourself off from the floor, you leaned on the tree behind you for support. You found your backpack, and grabbed it quickly, not wanting to stay here for a minute longer. Then you remembered that your clothes must be stained. You looked down to see blood running down your leg. "This really fucking happened...." you whimpered as tears filled your eyes. You fell to your knees, clutching your chest. You let out a loud scream as sobs racked through your whole body. You were scared, dirty, and guilty. All you could think about was having to face Niragi. Having to look at him, reminding him of the promises you'd made, but breaking one of them without him knowing. For the rest of your life. You felt horrible. You wanted to go home, and fall asleep forever.

"(Y-y/N)... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I blew up at you about it sweetheart. I was being really fucking selfish darling. You... you've been through much more than I have. Yet you're still a better fucking person than I'll ever be. I... I had no right to be angry, upset, or disappointed in you. I didn't. It wasn't fair to you," he apologized, holding onto your tightly. You sniffled, snuggling into him further. '' S'ok... you didn't know," you whispered. "No. It's not. It's not ok at all. This is what I mean! You've only known people being cruel to you! Your father, the guys at school, people at work, goddammit people on the streets! And you've only ever been kind! Even when people don't deserve your forgiveness you give it to them! You might be cruel sometimes, but you've only been cruel to those who deserve it! My mother was kind! I had you! My grandmother! Your grandmother! I had a girlfriend in high school for a while! People have been kind to me, but I'm the worst fucking person! I don't... I don't deserve... your forgiveness," he yelled, sitting up, getting quieter at the end. He hated how he made this about himself. He didn't mean to, he really didn't. It just came out. "That's not true Suguru. You do deserve it. I've had people that were kind to me. I had you. I didn't need anything else. That was enough for me," you said, sitting up next to him. You put a hand on his shoulder, and smiled. "It's (Y/N) and Suguru against the world, forever and always right?" You giggled. "Yeah... (Y/N) and Suguru against the world... forever and always," he answered.

His thoughts were getting clouded over. You were there. You were so sweet. So nice. Adventurous, crazy, synical, caring, apathetic, confident, clever, funny. Everything at once. A contradiction of a woman. Perfect. That was another way to describe you. Everything he's ever wanted. He turned to face you, noticing how your eyes kept glancing at him.

You were also trapped in your thoughts. He had called you sweetheart and darling. While he was no longer tired. Two names reserved for lovers. What did that mean? Was he just overcome with emotion in that moment? He was your best friend. You did notice the butterflies in your stomach when he had said it. Each time seeming stronger than the last. A feeling of that's the way it was supposed to be. Like he was meant to call you those things. Like those words were made specifically for him to call you by them. You saw him staring at your face, trying to study you as well.

"Do you need something?" You asked with a smile. "Yeah, actually. You."

That was all he said, before pulling you into him. Your lips met with his own, and it felt like a puzzle was finally solved. A story getting it's happy ending. Magic. You kissed him back with just as much passion. It felt right. For his hands to be on you. For his lips to be on your own. For his skin to be on yours. It had felt right back then, and it still felt right now.

All the years that you had wondered why your relationships didn't work out were answered with this one kiss. Niragi. It was because you never loved them. You loved Niragi.

Niragi felt the same. Questions that were finally answered to him as well. He now knew his mother was right. He really did love you. That's why he never had interest in anyone. The girls he dated or slept with had never really been interesting to him. He only dated them to not make them feel bad. But really, it was you. You were the right choice...

And then he pulled away. Just as suddenly as the kiss had happened. "I... I need to go," he stated, getting off of your bed, out towards the door. "W-wait I-"

Before you could finish your sentence, he was gone. Out of the door, leaving you alone, confused, and sad. "Of course he regretted it... he doesn't like me that way. He was just in an emotional state that clouded his judgement... I... I am but a fool if I thought anything besides that," you whispered as tears filled your eyes.

As soon as he closed the door to your room, he ran into his.

"Fuck! Why did I do that? 15 years of friendship ruined. Gods I'm so dumb!" He yelled into his pillow. He didn't notice the tears that stained his pillow. He didn't care. 'Now you're truly alone. Great job. You're so good at ruining things Niragi. It should be your professional job! Niragi Suguru, professional opportunity ruiner! Niragi Suguru professional loner! You're so good at being alone, count that as the only thing you're good at!' The voice in his head taunted him. It taunted him for being so stupid to think a woman like you would ever love someone like him. For being alone. It brought up the fact he was alone so much, he felt his room grow smaller, and the breath in his lungs grow shorter. He couldn't see straight. His chest felt tight. The darkness in his room grew darker. Until he passed out.

#alice in borderland #niragi #×reader #angst #i very much enjoy hurting your feelings why do you ask?

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seaweedbrain404 · 3 years

Text

Wolfstar Au: Questions and Confessions (pt 3 of Parties and Morning Regrets)

tw: panic attack

pt 2

pt4

read it on ao3

obligatory tag for @icitlali as you’re pretty much the main reason this fic turned into a series, i hope you enjoy it!

When Remus woke up again, hours later, he noticed three things. 1) there was a blanket over him, 2) Lily was home, he could hear her singing along to music in the kitchen and 3) Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

Just as well, Remus thought as he got up. He felt and heard all of his joints clicking and cracking while he stretched. He wrapped the blanket tightly around himself and waddled into the kitchen.

“Hi” He whispered, despite not having to.

Lily spun around, catching him in a hug. “Feeling better?” she asked, pressing her face against his chest.

“Yeah, sleep is good” Remus nodded as they let go, and Lily went back to cooking.

“I’m making dinner, you were asleep for ages”

“Figured, I’m starved”

“I slept with James”

“James?” The name vaguely rang a bell in Remus’ head but it’s not like he knew a lot of people called James.

“Potter- James Potter, remember?” Lily chewed her bottom lip, “from school?”

“Oh”

James Potter had been best friends with Sirius Black and that was probably the only way Remus knew him. There was also the fact that he had chased after Lily for most of their school days. Most people thought he was a rich, spoiled and arrogant boy but Remus found he never really saw him like that. From their limited interactions, Remus thought James was actually a quite pleasant person, a little big-headed but all round a good bloke.

“Yeah”

“And?” Remus waved his hands around, nearly letting the blanket fall to his feet.

“And… we may have exchanged numbers”

“Lily!”

“What?!”

“You always said you hated him!”

“Well I did… but, he got really fit” Lily admitted, pink dusting her cheeks.

“Fit? you slept with him cause he got fit?”

“Kind of- I mean, we talked at the party and he told me about his work and Remus, he’s a human rights lawyer”

This was an interesting piece of information. Remus didn’t know that James was also a lawyer but he did remember Sirius mentioning something about him the night of the party. Did this mean that maybe Remus was wrong? Maybe Sirius wasn’t working for his father anymore and he was in New York to team up with James. It was unlikely though since he specifically remembered his brain latching onto Sirius saying something along the lines of him doing business for his father. There was always the possibility of Sirius lying. However, Remus felt that was unlikely too. Sirius wasn’t much of a liar unless he had to.

He must’ve been quiet for too long because Lily nudged him gently. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah” Remus nodded, “just thinking”

“Bad thinking or good thinking”

Remus shrugged. “Just… thinking”

“Does it have anything to do with you definitely sleeping with your gorgeous ex-boyfriend the other night?”

Remus’ face reddened and he pulled the blanket tighter around himself as if it could shield him from all his problems and worries.

“Ha! I knew it” Lily was practically jumping up and down. “He left his phone number”

Remus groaned. “Throw it away”

“What?”

“Bin it, burn it, I don’t care”

“Remus, you can’t just cut off anyone who makes you feel things” Lily sighed.

“I don’t do that” Lie. He did it all the time.

“Yes you do… remember when you dated Anna? or Frank? or Sam?”

Remus shrugged and made a vague noise. He didn’t like where this was going but Lily carried on.

“You pushed them away as soon as it got too real, as soon as it got serious”

“Well, I just didn’t want to settle down with them”

“And why’s that, my friend?”

“I don’t know… they weren’t right” Remus shrugged again, “who are you? my therapist?”

“I’m your friend, idiot” Lily lightly hit his arm, smiling despite fully reading Remus like today’s paper. “I just think we both know it’s because they weren’t Sirius”

Remus had nothing to say to that. “Just… bin the number, I don’t want to talk to him”

Lily sighed, exasperated. “You don’t have to talk to him but I’m not throwing out his number, just in case”

“I’m not going to call him” He replied, leaning his chin on her shoulder.

“I know, you’re too set on making yourself miserable”

“That’s not true”

“Oh sure”

“I don’t even like him”

“I saw the way he looked at you, clearly he still cares a lot about you and…” she paused, kissing Remus’ forehead before reaching for two plates. “you do too or else you wouldn’t have invited him up earlier”

“I just didn’t want to leave him out in the cold” That’s all there was to it, Remus had told himself earlier. He was tired and leaving Sirius outside, alone in the cold, in a city he probably wasn’t familiar with just seemed like the wrong thing to do.

“Sounds like caring to me” Lily replied in a sing-songy voice.

Remus resorted to sticking his tongue out instead of formulating a response.

Lily passed him a plate filled with pasta and the two brought their food to the sitting room. “Who’s manning the bakery?” Remus asked, suddenly realising that neither one of them had gone to work.

“Marlene and Dorcas, I went in to check when I was picking up Mrs Pettigrew’s shopping” Lily paused for a forkful of pasta before continuing. “She was asking about you”

“Why me?”

“Dunno, she likes you”

Remus raised his eyebrow, changing the channel and ending up on an episode of Doctor Who.

“Yeah, I don’t know why but she said you should drop by soon” Lily added.

“Mmm, I might later”

The two finished their dinner in a comfortable silence, occasionally commenting on what the current Doctor was getting up to. After dinner, Lily showered and Remus finally got the chance to take that bath he had wanted nearly all day. He bid Lily an early goodnight afterwards, seeing as he was up for the morning shift the next day.

Remus didn’t mind working at the bakery, it meant he never had to walk far to get to work or to get home. He wasn’t passionate about it like Lily was though which meant for him, waking up at the arse crack of dawn wasn’t worth it. Still, he got up, feeling a billion times better than the day before, and got dressed. It was 4am when he got there and the only other person with him was Mary McDonald.

Mary was a good friend of Lily’s and just as passionate about making the best baked goods as she was. Their entire staff consisted of five people, usually there were two people there from 4 am up until 4 pm (despite it opening hours being 8am to 3 pm). During busier hours, another person came in from 11 am to 2 pm. It was a small business but it was open every day and sold everything from custom order cakes to bread, rolls and just nearly every other baked good under the sun. Lily was a fair boss and no one had to be in work for 4 am two days in a row since the bakery was so small, they didn’t need more than three people there at the one time. Usually they got by with just the two.

“Morning” Mary rubbed her eyes, turning on the radio when Remus walked in.

“ ‘Ello” He saluted, getting ready to sanitise the kitchen and get the dough prepared for all the baked goods they would be selling that day.

Remus liked working with Mary. She was quiet enough and most of the time the two got to enjoy listening to the radio, singing along to songs or commenting on the news as they worked. He hadn’t even thought about Sirius since the night before and all was going great.

That was until the clock hit 2:15. That was when Remus was working the till and that was when Sirius waltzed into the small establishment. Remus knew it wasn’t a coincidence because Lily’s bakery was small and very very local. There was no way Sirius had just so happened to wander in off the street.

To Remus’ dismay, after Sirius bought an eclair and a cup of coffee, he didn’t leave. Sirius didn’t leave even when he had finished, instead stuck around and ordered another coffee. Who drinks so much coffee, thought Remus, feeling more and more annoyed the more time Sirius spent not leaving. Eventually, it was time for Remus’ break and Mary took over the till.

Remus went out the back, into the alleyway for a cig and a yogurt. Unfortunately, he didn’t get to enjoy much of his lunch break by himself because after he had eaten, and lit the cigarette, someone he didn’t want to see appeared in his line of vision.

“You haven’t called”

Straight to the point then, Remus thought, taking an extra long drag of the cig. “No”

“Why not?” Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets, shifting his weight between his two feet.

“Why is it that you always get to be the one asking questions and pointing out how much I’ve changed?” Remus countered, putting the cigarette out on the ashy tray on the windowsill.

Sirius didn’t say anything so Remus straightened and took a step forward with his hands tucked under his arms, to keep the cold off. The fingerless gloves weren’t much help. “How come you’re New York? Why are you still working for your father’s bloody firm? And why are you so quiet and subdued?”

While all of this was spilling out of Remus, he suddenly found himself right up in Sirius’ face with his breath ghosting his lips. Sirius didn’t back down though as steel grey met blazing amber.

“You never asked” He replied simply.

“Because you never gave me the chance to!” Remus took a step back and one forward again. “I did now so… go on, out with it”

“My father recently branched out to America, New York to be specific and I…. I wanted- no, I needed to get away” Sirius spat out. “I needed to get away from my parents because I had enough of them and everything they stood for and… and I finally stopped being so afraid of them!”

“So why did you go after me then?”

“I didn’t go after you”

“You talked to me at the party and then you showed up at my workplace” Remus reasoned, “I’m so sorry that I misread the fucking signs!”

“You’re the one that invited me up to the flat!”

“Yes, because it was cold out and I didn’t want to be that guy who left someone in a new city out in the freezing fucking cold”

“Really? because you didn’t have a problem making jabs at me and being a cruel bastard”

“Oh I’m the bastard, sure”

“That’s not fair and you know it!”

“Well life isn’t fair either and you don’t get to decide what’s fair and what’s not, so how about you fuck off Sirius”

“No” came Sirius’ sharp reply.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said no” Sirius’ voice was shaking and Remus hated himself for wanting to comfort him. “No because I’m still in love with you even though you clearly don’t want me to be because you’re acting like a condescending asshole 90% of the time and the other 10 you remind me of the guy I fell for in Year 7”

Remus felt winded. Year 7?? “You- you can’t just drop that on me….” He trailed off, staggering backwards. “I need get back to work”

He turned on his heel and ran a hand through his hair. Sirius said something, shouted Remus’ name maybe but his voice sounded distant and fogged. Somehow he stumbled back into the bakery to see Mary look at him with worried eyes.

“Remus?”

Her voice was distant too and the room was too warm. His lungs wouldn’t fill properly and his head spun. He felt like he was going to pass out and he would’ve literally hit the ground if Mary hadn’t caught him.

She put him in a chair against the wall and grabbed a bottle of water, fusing over him and saying things Remus wasn’t hearing because the sound of his heart racing was far too loud. Yep, this is how I die, he thought, leaning back in the chair and letting his head hit the wall.

Suddenly Mary appeared in front of him again, he could only tell by the hands on his shoulders as his eyes were closed. “Remus? Remus, deep breaths love” when Remus was unresponsive she tried again. “Remus breathe in, 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. and hold the breath 2... 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7.. and out again, 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8…”

This time Remus followed Mary’s lead. They did the breathing exercise a couple more times before Remus felt stable enough to open his eyes again. “What happened?”

“Listen I-“ Remus cut himself off because what did happen. “Thank you, I don’t really- can we not talk about it?”

Mary was kind, there was no denying that. She nodded, despite looking concerned. “Of course, yeah, whatever makes you comfortable”

Mary insisted that Remus stay in the back for the rest of the day and he was happy enough not having to man the till. Sirius had completely disappeared and Remus was too tired to do anything about it. At 3pm, Mary locked up and they set about preparing ingredients and products for the next day, freezing selected stock and cleaning the kitchen.

By the time they had finished Mary was still concerned. “Hey, are you alright now?”

“Mmm, yeah, I’m good” Remus would’ve preferred to face Sirius again and risk another panic attack rather than have to talk to Mary about what happened earlier.

Mary gave him a tight smile and put a hand on his arm. “Mind yourself, yeah?” she gave his arm a light squeeze before the two went their separate ways.

#marauders #marauders fic #marauders au #modern marauders #hp marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar angst #wolfstar fic #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #wolfstar au #lily evans #background jily #mary mcdonald

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

Note

I am a hard Taekook shipper but recently Jikook have been melting my heart by being so cute and cudly and loving. I understand and i am sorry for so mhch hate from Taekookers but trust me Taekookers are a bit shaken right now. I cannot disclose my name here but i would like to say if Jikook is real or they decide to come out which i higly doubt then i am 100% in support and also ur page helped me open my eyes and see a diff sude of shipping which is needed alot more. I am Loving Love ryt now.

C'est la vie!

So sorry for the late response love. You've always been on my mind.

I get not every Taekooker is wild and rabid just as not every Joker is sane and fake woke. Lol.

I mean I'm still holding on to my grudge against your people for storming my business pages and leaving shit reviews on my books- and laughing about it? What was that? Damn. Had to change my author name and everything and I've since been publishing under an alias- let me tell you, it's no fun at all.

In retrospect, I shouldn't have called y'all's ship dead- but honestly it dead, it dried up like a drop of sweat on a dessert. What can I say? People just don't want the truth, lol- had these angry thirteen year olds and fake woke Jokers coming for my ass and my business ass on the flamingo app. Chilee. Your people don't want to be civil. Sigh.

Some people just have no sense of personal responsibility and when they get called out for it they slap you with the whole, 'no one asked you to put yourself and your business out there' - this creepy behavior and mental adroitness is not far from rapists blaming girls for wearing short shorts and mini skirts or thieves blaming people for not putting up a fence and shit to protect their property. It's fucked up.

And don't get me started on what they do to Jimin or JK... or even Tae- not to make you feel bad or anything. It's just my people suck, your people suck, we all suck square- don't apologize for it unless you plan on doing something to change it?

As for Taekook, yea I don't think there is anything wrong with shipping them. They have a beautiful bond, they are both visuals and both funny as hell. If you won't ship them I will. Lol.

Just know the reason you are shipping them? If you are shipping them because you genuinely believe they are a couple too then you need to stop shipping them and start supporting them?

And once you start supporting them then I think you'd sooner realize there isn't anything there to support in the first place. Lol.

I support Jikook because I believe with my full chest they are real and are closeted- emphasis on closeted. And for the record, they are the only queer couples in BTS.

Tae lost his queer card when he accidentally outed Jimin on that radio show. 'I think he likes men' yea, straight up het behavior. Lack of homo sensitivity.

Did you see JK's reaction when JM was asked to spill tea on their pervy behaviors behind cams? My butt quivered. Chilee, I thought he was gone out JK too. Damn.

I think the word real and closeted have come loose and cheap on these streets these days. I don't think most of these shippers when they throw it around fully understand the term or realise what it means and what it takes. If they did, they wouldn't randomly be labeling every ship as 'real' within the fandom.

If you believe Taekook is real and that they are equally hiding their sexuality as well as their relationship within the group, then you should understand how severe and traumatizing this fact is and would be for them as gay men?

The thing is, they are not just hiding parts of themselves and their identity for the sake of their careers or military or whatever if they are real, they are lying to millions, millions of people at a time about who they really are by keeping their identity a secret. Secrets are lies honey, however way we want to see it.

If they are real then they are concealing their true identity away from not just their families and friends- if they haven't come out to them, but acquaintances from work, businesses who wouldn't work with them otherwise, brands, sponsors, Heads of states, their fans....

It's one thing for a heterosexual to keep their heterosexual relationship a secret, it's another for a queer person to keep their queerness and or queer relationship a secret.

A lie as heavy as this is bound to take a toll on them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. A secret gets heavy before it gets easy. Not to sell you on anything but do you see any such secret taking a toll on Taekook? Because I see it taking a toll on Jikook.

Do you believe Taekook are closeted? Because I believe Jikook are.

Being closeted means they have to carry the guilt of knowing that each time they pander to heteronormative roles in variety shows or interviews, or imply by omissions that they are straight, or make generalizing statements about their sexuality to avoid addressing their sexuality directly or give it away, that they are lying to people and spewing half truths- seven years in a roll.

Being closeted is not a joke. It's heavy. I think you need to grasp this before you claim it for anyone.

People like to throw the 'closeted' phrase around willy nilly but fail to comprehend its weight and complexity and consequences especially for people that they believe are actually queer.

It's not easy lying to people about who you are. Unless you are a pathological liar and a psychopath, it's like drowning each day you wake up. You die a little each time. Your sexuality is a huge part of your identity and when you deny it for so long by lying and suppressing it, it's like shutting out a peice of yourself and silencing your own voice. The more you push it aside the louder it screams and the harder it fights to come out.

It's a state of constant internal struggle. You wake up everyday contemplating whether to risk the perfect life you've spent years building just so you can turn off the guilt that comes with keeping a secret of this nature.

And each time you get better at omitting or generalizing and evading questions that hint at your truth, the more you hate yourself and the more guilt you feel. This guilt can become a driving force that pushes you to make risky moves and take impulsive actions such as 'borderline outing your relationship'- does that sound like Taekook to you?

If you are not driven by the love you feel for your partner, you are driven by the guilt and neither is a great place to be if you are queer.

You lie everyday, you get caught up in the lies and soon you start believing in the web of lies you've woven around yourself such that you don't even recognize who you are or why you are, anymore. As such, you are constantly searching for yourself, to reconcile the bits you've hidden away and perhaps forgotten, and you keep exploring your identity because you are unsettled- honey, that sounds more like Jikook than Taekook to me but c'est la vie.

Being closeted is not about moments that get cut by editors, or less interactions, or being seperated or seated further apart from eachother. These are just ship street parlance. Being closeted is an attitudinal, internal attribute rather than external manipulations or influences- it's a science. Lol

Coming out may be risky for any of these boys if they are real, but I promise you hiding is much harder for them.

And so When I look at Taekook, and I see how beautiful they are yet I don't in God's honest truth see them 'dealing' with any or all of these struggles Jikook deal with or have dealt with at one point, in my opinion- forget the homophobia, the wanting to come out, the low key microaggressions they deal with even within the group- 'the Jk never stops crying,' 'the real men don't do this and that talk' talk, the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia traits JK and Jimin used to exhibit in their early days talking about 'real men don't twerk,' 'real men don't wear rings on their pinky'- all the times Jimin have had to defend his masculinity or even femininity, or stand up for Kook's within the group. 'Men, men, men. What is men?'

Jikook are the only two within the group that in my opinion have struggled most with their identity, with embracing aspects of themselves; you hear them complain about 'living a lie' 'tired of hiding, lying' and all these are themes consistent with closet behavior that they've both explored in one way or the other and even as of 2020 they are still dealing with or 'exploring' their identities perhaps as a means to reconcile their true selves? I'm really struggling with this post because I don't wanna get salesy on your ass. Lol.

Don't get me wrong, Tae struggles and deals with issues too- mostly with loneliness, lowkey depression in my opinion, lowkey bullying- sometimes, lol and he often expresses a desire to find someone and be happy and yet 'his supporters' don't recognize that...

You can wait till Jikook come out officially as queer, if they ever chose to, to support them- Or you can choose to support them and love them now because that's what they need in order to officially come out as and when they choose to? Ok I'm being salesy. Lmho. I'll stop. Don't mind me. But think about it.

Ship whatever ship you want but support Jikook. It's all I'm asking. And by support, I mean don't exhibit any anti homosexual attitude towards them- deadass. You and I gone fight, square up toe to toe, if you do. Lol.

People don't need to be afraid of Jikook. They just need to treat them as human beings and not reduce them to a mere ship. They are a ship too yes, but they are more than that if you ask me.

You sound nice. I love you. I'm glad you enjoy my posts. Merry Christmas and cheers to our ships.

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

Text

Coach Cavill - Chapter 6

Summary: Henry is driving Amelia and Isabella to school, but at what price?

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 3.3k

Warnings: None

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

‘That hurts, mom!’

I scoff, as I put in an elastic at the bottom of the braid. ‘You told me you wanted tight Dutch braids, that would sit right the entire day,’ I retort. ‘So now I am making tight Dutch braids that will probably sit right all day and now you are whining about it. You are quite something, miss Isabella Jung.’

Benji pulls his lips in, trying to hold in a laugh, but he fails miserably. ‘Don’t yell at mom,’ he says to his sister. ‘She is just nervous.’

‘How dare you?’ I ask Benji, pointing my index finger at him, ‘insinuating that I’m nervous. I am not nervous. Why on earth do you think I would be nervous?’

‘Because coach Cavill is going to pick you and Isabella up,’ he says, with the biggest duh-face I’ve ever seen, ‘and you chew your cheek as you always do when you’re nervous. Don’t worry, mom, he offered it himself and he likes to do it. I just know that.’

‘Mom is in love,’ Isabella sings.

‘Oh, shut your face,’ I laugh. ‘Benji, you sure you don’t mind that Henry won’t be driving you to school?’

‘I don’t mind. As usual, Lola, Jake and I can drive with Hattie and I don’t mind being here by myself.’

Isabella is giggling and it’s the type of giggle that doesn’t predict anything good. ‘Mom, if Henry and you start dating,’ she starts. See, that’s not anything good and especially not something I want to hear right now.

‘No, no, don’t you dare going there.’

But she will, she always does. Why do I even bother trying to raise this kid? She always goes her own way. ‘Will he become my dad?’

‘No, honey, you already have a dad,’ I say. ‘Can we not discuss this? Please?’

The doorbell rings loudly and I quickly rush to the door, thankful that it interrupted this awkward moment. However, we haven’t finished this conversation properly and I sure hope that Isabella won’t bring it up when Henry joins us.

When I open the door, I can’t help but smile.

Henry looks so handsome. His brown leather jacket hangs open, revealing a black cable knitted sweater, paired with jeans that accentuate every beautiful part of his legs. They are so well shaped, goodness me.

‘Good morning, Amelia.’

‘Good morning, Henry,’ I say, after I recovered from the initial shock of the deepness of his voice. I heard him talk to me yesterday and times we met before, but today it has a bit of a morning rasp to it and it nearly makes me go weak in the knees. ‘Ten minutes early. Fashionably early, I dig it.’

You dig it? Oh my, Amelia, how old are you? I hate myself.

He smiles. ‘I need to make a very good impression on you and the kids and need to make sure that you know you can rely on me,’ he says. ‘Anyway, I brought you a cappuccino, a coffee for Benji and orange juice for Isabella. I hope that’s good.’

‘That’s wonderfully sweet. Please come in.’

Henry steps inside, as he hands me my cappuccino. ‘It is not as great as mine, but the cafe downtown is pretty decent.’ He walks to the kitchen and says: ‘A very good morning to you two.’

‘Coach, my mom is—’

‘This close of grabbing scissors and chopping of your braids,’ I say as I enter the kitchen. ‘And I’ll seriously do it.’

Isabella wants to sulk, but one simple raised eyebrow, is somehow doing wonders, because she keeps quiet. ‘Thank you for the orange juice, coach,’ she says.

‘Yeah, thanks,’ Benji says with a smile, taking a sip of his coffee.

‘Aren’t you a bit too young for coffee, Benji?’ Henry asks.

‘No,’ he mumbles.

‘I get where you are coming from,’ I say, sitting next to Benji, ‘but after his first all nighter, he was addicted and that might’ve been partially my fault. I may have poured him some coffee, because I didn’t want him to start drinking energy drinks.’

‘Benji, my man,’ Henry says, ‘your mom is a smart woman. You should always listen to her, she knows best.’

‘And she is also very pretty,’ Isabella adds and even from the corners of my eyes, I can see the smug grin on her face.

‘Okay, young lady: grab your bag, we’re leaving in three minutes.’

Isabella nods with a cheeky grin on her face, before rushing upstairs.

‘Oh, Henry, before I forget…’ I grab a wrapped up sandwich, throwing it to Henry. ‘Okay, Benji, I wish you all the best of luck on your test. You’re a smart boy, you’ll ace it. Remember K is Potassium.’

‘Good luck, kid,’ Henry says, patting Benji on his shoulder.

Once Isabella finally is ready, we all sit in my car and it’s actually nice to finally not be the driver for once, but a passenger again. When Dean and I were still together, he’d always drive and I actually didn’t mind. I remember when we first started dating. We’d drive off to shore, spend hours on end with our feet in the sand and sneak off to places where no one could find us. In all the years after that, I just got in the passengers seat, out of a habit, but then Dean cheated, I had to buy a car because he took ours and of course I could drive, but it was difficult from time to time, to get used to not being the passenger anymore. Being a passenger reminded me of being loved. Reminded me of being taken care for.

I look to the side, staring at Henry’s beautiful profile, as he looks really good driving my car. Never thought someone like him would look this good in a car that screams “family-car”, considering the truck he drives.

‘Mom, you are staring at Henry and you always tell me that is very rude.’

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Caught by my own daughter at a moment like this. My heart is painfully pounding in my chest, I can nearly feel the vibrations in my throat. ‘I’m not staring.’

‘Liar liar,’ Isabella starts and somehow Henry catches up and adds: ‘Pants on fire.’

‘I’m not a liar and my pants is no— Okay, okay, I was lying. I was totally staring at Henry, I’m deeply sorry.’ I take a sip of my cappuccino to focus my thoughts on something else, but nearly choke on it when Isabella says: ‘Mom couldn’t stop smiling when she came home with Benji last night.’

‘Isabella Jung, you are really pushing it right now,’ I say, turning around. ‘Henry, stop the car. Isabella is going to walk to school.’

He already is slowing down, as he has a big grin on his face, but Isabella is quick to respond. ‘No, no, I’ll be good. I don’t want to walk to school. It’s still dark outside and mom, you know I don’t like that.’

‘Then zip it.’

‘Okay,’ she mumbles.

I lean back against the seat and have to use all my willpower to not look to the side again.

‘So, Isabella, what are you doing at school right now, as you have to wait for your classmates?’ Henry asks.

‘Well, normally I would go with Yara to school, so we could play in our classroom before school, but she has to go to the dentist now. She is a little afraid of her dentist, so I promised her that I would be extra nice to her when she comes back. I even brought a little snack for her.’

‘That’s very sweet of you,’ Henry says.

‘Well, nice people do sweet things. Like, you brought us something to drink. That is very sweet.’ Isabella chuckles and adds: ‘Can you do that every morning?’

‘Don’t answer that,’ I tell Henry. ‘Because if you say something that remotely looks like a yes, then this little one will hold you onto that.’

‘Sorry, kid, you heard your mom.’ Henry stops in front of the school and gets out of the car, after he firmly told us to stay put. He walks around and opens my door, as well as Isabella’s door. ‘Ladies,’ he says with a smile.

‘Thank you,’ I say with a chuckle and Isabella holds out her arms. Without thinking twice, Henry carries her out of her car seat and she has a bright smile on her face. I can’t help but be a mom and that role never stops, so I say: ‘What do we say?’

‘Thank you, coach,’ she says, as Henry gently puts her down again. ‘Mom barely carries me.’

‘That’s because you are getting too big for me to carry you on a daily basis,’ I tell her. ‘I mean, I wished you stayed two years old too, but unfortunately, you’re growing.’

Isabella sticks out her tongue.

‘Well, I wish you two all best of luck today,’ Henry says, jokingly pulling one of Isabella’s braids. ‘And what time do you want me here, Amelia?’

‘Four,’ I answer. ‘If that is okay with you.’

‘Of course that’s okay with me. I’ll be here at four. Enjoy your day, ladies!’

✰ ✰ ✰

Something is wrong, I think to myself when I walk out of the school at four. Henry sits on the drivers seat, the door wide open and his feet planted on the curb. He smiles when he sees me, before he gets out of the vehicle to meet me halfway. ‘Allow me, please,’ he says, taking my bags from me. Oh, what a gentleman. ‘Why are you frowning?’

‘Did you wash my car?’ I ask him, as we are nearing the vehicle that is shining like it barely does ever since I bought it.

His cheeks color red, as he stammers: ‘Well, I had some time to kill, so I figured I would go to the car wash. There was like an inch thick layer of sand on the back window.’

‘Don’t expose me like that, Henry Cavill,’ I laugh, as I nudge his side. ‘I can’t believe you did that. How can I pay you back? This all must’ve cost quite a bit.’

Henry shakes his head, as he opens the door on the passengers side for me. ‘Don’t you worry about that one single bit.’

‘Henry,’ I say, as I take a seat, ‘I’m a mother and a teacher. It’s my second nature to worry.’

He chuckles, as he closes the door and walks around the car. ‘Well, I’m serious, you don’t need to worry about it,’ he says to me as he gets in.

‘There has to be something that I can do to pay you back, even if I don’t actually give you money. Come on, I can walk your dog, I can make you more sandwiches, I can do your laundry.’

‘There is absolutely no need for you to do that. Besides, you can barely handle your own laundry, let alone mine.’

‘That is just plain mean,’ I laugh. ‘That was one time.’

‘Sure, it was,’ he teases me. ‘You know what, how about I’ll think of something you can do to pay me back and you will drop this issue, until I bring it up again.’

I can’t help but scoff a little. ‘Fine,’ I say. ‘But you do have to think of something.’

‘Will absolutely do, Amelia. Tell me, how was your day?’

Is this for real? Is he doing the whole domestic husband thing, that Dean stopped doing two years ago, where he asks me how my day went?

I lean back in the passengers seat and say: ‘It was okay. As usual, the little ones are absolutely adorable. Oh, and, I got bombarded with questions, because apparently, we’re on Instagram and the moms of Luna Meadows—single or not—are very jealous of me.’

‘What?’ he asks, visibly confused. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘The pumpkin patch pictures Hattie took of us?’ I try to help him remind and he starts to nod. ‘She posted them on the Instagram account of this town and people saw.’

‘Oh,’ he says, finally catching on. ‘Why are they jealous of you?’

‘No, no, no, no,’ I laugh, ‘don’t play dumb on me now. You know exactly why they are jealous of me.’

Henry shakes his head. ‘I honestly don’t.’

‘Do you not own a mirror? I mean, look at you. You are by far the most handsome man Luna Meadows has ever welcomed and I’m spending time with you.’

‘I highly doubt it,’ Henry says and this is honestly heart warming. Not only is he gorgeous, funny and caring, he is also a very humble man. Besides, he is blushing again and I like seeing a man who has the body of someone who can bend iron, so vulnerable like this.

‘No need for doubt.’ I can’t help but smile.

‘Well, I kinda understand now why every single man was looking at me with a cocked eyebrow and a look of pure jealously. You, Amelia, are the catch here in Luna Meadows.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Oh, so humble.’ Henry starts to laugh and I can’t help but chuckle. ‘Well, despite being the talk of the town, I really like being around you and your family. It all seems so familiar.’

I smile. ‘That means a lot.’

He parks the car next to my place and he tells me to stay put. He walks around the car and helps me out. Without a second thought, he grabs my bags and I say: ‘You know, thanks again for everything you did today for me. It hasn’t really been easy to do some things after the divorce and you just swooping in and doing this, it truly means a lot. It’s nice to not do everything myself for once, you know what I mean?’

‘I know what you mean and it’s not a problem at all,’ he says. ‘Once again, I’m happy to do it. I really have to go, I’m sorry. I have a few things to do.’

‘Don’t apologize,’ I say. ‘I will see you tonight and you have to promise me that you’re going to think about how I can thank you.’ My pointer finger digs into his sweater and he starts to laugh, before promising he will think about it.

‘I’ll see you tonight and say hello to the rest, okay?’

‘Will do.’

✰ ✰ ✰

Benji is in the locker room, changing out of his judogi into his normal clothes. As usual, Henry joins me in the hallway, his shoulder leaning against the wall.

‘So,’ I chuckle, ‘thank you for the lovely cappuccino and I hope you finally figured out what I can do as a thank you.’

‘I thought I told you not to bring it up anymore,’ he says.

‘Oops.’

He laughs. ‘But, I actually thought about it and figured out what you can do.’

‘Enlighten me, mister Cavill.’

‘How about,’ Henry says, ‘you and I go out this Friday? Benji doesn’t have a game, so we both don’t have to get up at an ungodly hour the next day. I can make dinner reservations… If you want to of course.’

Henry Cavill is asking me out? The most handsome man Luna Meadows has ever is asking me out? I have to stay calm, but my mind is going crazy. Please, whatever you do, just don’t say anything stupid! ‘Of course I want to,’ I say, almost way too eager, but it’s a plus that I said it in a normal order. ‘Oh no, I don’t have anything to wear.’

‘I’m calling bullshit on that one,’ he laughs, ‘but whatever you’d wear, you look beautiful in it.’

‘Stop,’ I chuckle, my cheeks burning up. ‘You know, can you maybe make sure it’s a bit secluded? It’s a small town and people see everything and want to know everything. Also, I don’t want to add anymore fuel to the rumors. Not yet, at least.’

‘Noted,’ he says, ‘something secluded for miss Jung. Any other wishes?’

‘Are you going to wear something formal? If so, should I too?’

‘I was planning on wearing a blouse and some slacks, matching jacket.’

‘You’ve thought about an entire outfit already?’ I smack his arm and add: ‘This is unfair.’

‘I have been thinking about it all day,’ he chuckles.

I can’t hide my surprise. ‘You thought about this all day? Meaning you knew how you wanted me to pay for what you did today when I asked you the first time?’

He rubs his face, before he lets out a nervous laugh. ‘Okay, maybe, but I had to work up the courage to actually ask it.’

‘The tough Henry Cavill was afraid of asking me out? Oh my.’ I use my hand as a fan, before bursting out in laughter. ‘Well, I’ll think about what I wear, but Friday is good.’

‘I’ll pick you up at… Six?’

‘Make that seven,’ I say. ‘Dean is picking up the kids at six and I don’t want to make anything more complicated than it already is.’

‘I totally understand that,’ Henry says. ‘Well, I’ll be there at seven then.’ I see Benji walking up to us and Henry pats him on his shoulder. ‘You did great, bud,’ he says. ‘Can’t wait to see how you’ve improved in the next training.’

‘I’ll watch those clips you told us to watch,’ Benji says, holding out his hand, as an invitation for Henry to participate in their handshake.

After we said our goodbyes to Henry, Benji and I get in the car and when I drove the car off the lot, I ask: ‘Benji, I want your honest opinion about something, okay?’

‘Okay.’

‘If Coach Cavill and I were to go on a date, would you mind?’

‘He asked you out?’ Benji asks, way more excited than I expected him to be. ‘You did say yes, did you?’

This wasn’t the reacting I expected at all. ‘I figure you are okay with it, seeing the enormous grin on your face.’

Benji starts to laugh with me. ‘Of course I’m okay with it, mom. You deserve this and if there is anyone out there in the world that I think is even remotely good enough for you, it’s coach Cavill.’

I actually did the parenting thing really well, I think to myself. ‘So, you really don’t mind?’

‘I don’t, mom, I’m really happy for you.’ Benji places his head on my shoulder as we wait for the traffic light to turn green. ‘You deserve this.’

‘Thank you, sweetheart.’

When we’re back home, I usher Benji to come with me, as we barge into Eve’s house. I see that both Isabella and Yara are still awake and they look busted, as they should, because they shouldn’t be up right now.

‘I can explain,’ Eve begins to defend her choice of leaving these two up, but I don’t give her time to actually explain.

‘I’m going on a date Friday night with the one and only Henry Cavill,’ I say.

‘Shut up,’ Eve says. ‘Oh, honey, I’m so happy for you!’

‘Mom, are you for real?’ Isabella says, running up to me to jump in my arms. I nearly tumble back, but Benji places a hand on my back to give me some support. ‘Can we look for an outfit now? Please?’

‘Not now, because you have to go to bed in ten minutes, but you can definitely help me out,’ I laugh. ‘I think you don’t mind that I’m going on a date?’

‘No, mom, I love it,’ Isabella says. ‘It’s only fair. Now dad has a new girlfriend and you have a boyfriend.’

The girl has a point. ‘Let’s just wait for that date, okay?’

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x amelia jung #amelia jung #asian ofc #coach!henry cavill #Coach Cavill

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skinsharpenedteeth · 3 years

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WIP-lash.... WIPs of the Past

I don't have much more than this. It's a convoluted ghost story plot i started on a thousand years ago. It's probably the smallest WIP i have, totaling in at a whopping 2501 words. I think about it a lot though. And for some reason I feel like posting everything I have so far on it. It will not end in a reasonable place or make sense. But i want it out in the universe to start gaining some traction in my mind.

---

(Affectionately) Ghost Story Malex

Alex looked at the Sander’s Junktique Auto front façade and bit his lip nervously. The deeply grained red wood door had overcooked long ago in the New Mexico sun and now it seemed petrified in place… or maybe that was Alex. He could feel the sweat breaking out over his brow and along the nape of his neck as he continued to stand in the sun, the pavement of the parking lot leaving his legs feeling boiled in their khaki casings. He needed to go inside, needed to force his legs to move if for no other reason than to get him into the shade of the porch overhanging the door. The inside of the metal building would feel like a block of ice inside in an oven as the A/C units struggled to keep up with the demands that a late fall heatwave had put them under.

He saw movement flickering near one of the lead windows along the front of the building and held his breath, afraid that the person he’d come to see had noticed his loitering and was coming to shoo him away. The door stayed closed however and Alex let his breath out again in a long exhale. Gathering himself, he walked onto the porch and stood before the door. Indecision warred inside of him and he tensed to turn and walk back to his car, sure this had all been a mistake when the red door swung open. No one stood behind it, but it held steady despite the storm door springs which creaked in admonishment that they’d been left stretched thin against the unseen force keeping the door was rocketing back in place. Alex sighed and accepted that he hadn’t gone unnoticed and that he’d better go in and do what he’d come to do.

The first blast of icy air from the A/C was the sweetest kiss to his overheated skin. He looked around the shadowed interior of salvaged auto goods, new pieces and parts, and half-destroyed auto bodies laying around the main floor. He scanned the room and spied Michael at the back counter, staring at him with a blank expression. The slap of the wood against the door frame behind him made him jump and let out a terrified squeak. Michael grinned his charming, molasses smile at Alex after he’d grabbed his heart and shot Michael a dirty look.

“Alex, what brings you to my neck of the woods?” Michael asked, looking away and grabbing a rag from the counter to start wiping at his grease-stained hands. He’d said Alex’s name like he always did, like a separate line of silent questions ending in a pause of consideration before continuing aloud. It always made Alex feel like he should really be answering the unspoken instead of what was really asked. It always made him feel exposed and unnerved, like he was caught seconds before a disaster. It was the tone authority figures used with children right before they were unknowingly about to get hurt or blow something up. He hated it when Michael said his name like that.

Gritting his teeth, Alex walked over nearer to the counter, stopping about six feet away and watching Michael methodically try to pick black from under his nails. He knew intimately that nothing could get some of the stains off except time, but Michael never stopped trying to find quicker ways of ridding himself of the evidence. Michael paused in his picking to look up through the curls that had fallen in front of his eyes, pinning Alex in place with his eyes.

“I doubt you came here to watch me clean my hands. Why are you here, Alex? Feeling lonely?” Michael spoke up again when Alex remained silent, his tone mocking and a little cruel. The last question, the pettiness of the statement, made Alex sure he should leave. There was no point in even asking what he’d come to ask. Michael wasn’t in a place to do him any favors. It had been five years since they’d seen each other and apparently that hadn’t been long enough. He looked Michael over once more, unintentionally trying to memorize how good he looked in a grease-stained grey t-shirt and jeans, before turning on his heel and heading back to the door. He didn’t hear Michael following him, just heard the roar in his own ears of his own voice telling him how stupid he’d been to come here at all. He grabbed the cold iron of the door handle and yanked, ready to throw himself back out into the heat, and almost hurt his elbow when the door didn’t budge.

“What do you want, Alex? You didn’t come here to stare at me and leave. You could’ve done that at the Crashdown. What’s up?” he heard Michael ask from much closer than he should’ve been. Alex spun around and found Michael only a few feet away, a softer look of concern on his face than had been there a moment before, and the rag nowhere to be seen.

“I need a favor,” Alex bit out, hating that he’d let Michael’s eyes convince him he would be safe to expose himself. “There’s a big job in upper New York, a haunted bed and breakfast, and I think I need back up for it. There’s something like 10 highly active spirits and possibly a curse in the works. 50k payday.”

“How many other people have you asked?” Michael inquired, leaning his body back against the half-rusted truck frame littered with collectible motor oil tins. He’d crossed his arms and legs as he feigned comfort, an old cowboy trick he’d used to fool people into feeling challenged and thus revealing more than they’d intended. It was a dirty trick because it especially worked on Alex. He found his body thrumming with the need to prove that he wasn’t a liar, wasn’t inadequate for needing help, wasn’t using this as a sad excuse to see Michael again. The other needs that thrummed through his body as he raked his eyes over every stretched piece of fabric on Michael’s frame stayed ignored. Alex would hang onto to anger for now.

“A couple,” Alex lied, hoping he’d inflicted a small wound. He tried to mirror Michael’s casual posture but Alex thought he only ended up looking more defensive. He could never pull off the cool, unaffected look like Guerin could. He couldn’t untense his muscles enough to seem nonchalant.

“Liar,” Michael replied with an almost feral smile. He knew Alex’s tells. Alex didn’t know why he even bothered trying to engage Michael in this way.

“Maybe. If I did, they turned me down, and here I am, asking you. Do you want the job, Guerin?” Alex bit out, not feeling much like flirting. Michael watched him, smile still stretched across his lips, and he shook his head slowly, focus more inward than on Alex.

“No, I don’t. I’ve got a job,” he replied, opening his arms and gesturing to the shop around him. It was cool and quiet, the hum of electricity and central air a pleasant white noise around them, and there was no one else in the parking lot, the store, or the junkyard beyond.

“You could take a week off, Michael. I don’t think anyone would miss you,” Alex replied, eyes flitting around the room meaningfully. Michael’s expression darkened and his arms fell to slap against his thighs.

“Well, you sure didn’t,” he said, voice neutral but eyes almost haunted as they stared into Alex’s. “It was nice seeing you, Alex. Stop by anytime if you need some oil for your car or someone to look under her hood.”

Michael pushed his body off the truck frame and started back towards the counter. Despite his words, Alex felt all the hits land against his heart. Michael pushed people away to see who wouldn’t come back. Alex had failed him there and yet here he was, showing his face around again. He knew it’d been a mistake to approach Michael about the job, but he wasn’t lying when he’d said it was too big for just him. Michael was a strong empath, maybe because he was alien, and he was a strong practitioner of banishing spirits. If Alex was honest with himself, the job wouldn’t have been too much for Michael to do by himself. He wouldn’t have needed any help, but Alex would.

“I’ll split the fee 60/40 to you,” he called at Michael’s retreating form.

“70/30 and you never darken my doorstep again,” Michael countered, not stopping until he was back behind the counter. Alex felt his heart burn at the anger in Michael’s voice. This was such a bad idea.

“65/35 and… yeah. Never again, I hear you,” Alex replied, his voice saying the last part past the sudden thickening in his throat. He hadn’t realized he’d physically started rubbing his chest over where his heart lay until Michael started staring daggers through his hand. He looked down and then let his hand drop, embarrassed he’d been caught self-soothing.

“You still have my number?” Michael asked though clenched jaw. He was still staring at the spot where Alex’s hand had been.

“Yeah, I’ll text you the details. The job starts in two weeks,” Alex finished, turning and going to the door again, unsurprised when this time it opened for him just fine.

-*-*-

The weeks flew by to Alex’s chagrin. He and Michael were flying out and renting a car. They’d always been fortunate to be able to travel light thanks to their respective abilities so there was no need for a long road trip trucking a bunch of gear out to a job. Alex was worried about the job, however. They’d done some smaller homes that had been haunted, but never something with ten active spirits and a possible enchantment. The fact that the business was willing to pay so much worried Alex. Ghost hunting wasn’t usually so lucrative and Alex asking Michael to come was a desperate move on his part. Alex was fully aware of how much ire Michael still had towards him and he had spent too long trying to let that particular fire burn itself out, but at the end of the day he was secretly glad he hadn’t had to seek out any other hunters to come with him. Michael was the best and now the band was back together, so to speak. They’d checked in through the airport and had gotten as far as the airplane before Alex had tried to break the ice.

“So… what did you think of the files I sent you?” Alex asked, struggling to find something to talk about.

“I think you’re getting sloppy if that’s all the research you’ve done on this,” Michael replied without looking up from his phone where he’d been texting or playing games almost nonstop since he’d sat down. Alex took in a calming breath through his nose. He knew Michael was baiting him. It didn’t make it any easier to forgive the slight, but he did know what was happening.

“Did you do more research or are you just being mean?” Alex asked, matching Michael’s sarcastic snappish tone.

“I did, as a matter of fact, because I like knowing what I’m walking into,” Michael said before letting them lapse back in silence. He was waiting for Alex to ask what he’d found out. Alex let the silence stretch, seeing if Michael would cave and give him the information to release some of the tension between them. When it seemed like he wouldn’t, Alex opened his mouth to finally ask what he’d found out. As soon as he drew breath, Michael went ahead speaking.

“There are, as you said, ten active ghosts in the B&B. Five couples who’ve died there over the past hundred years. There have been 3 other couples that have died under mysterious circumstances elsewhere after having stayed at the B&B that we know of. All eight couples were engaged at the B&B and then broke off their engagements. The five that haunt the actual establishment got engaged AND broke off their engagements at the same place. Two for cheating, two over family issues, and one for money. The original couple, the Wailing Bride and the Lonely Gentleman as they’re so-called seem to have a lot of conflicting stories about how and why they broke off their engagement and why the Gentleman killed them both and cursed the place. That is one thing we’ll have to see if we can’t get a straight answer on. Motivation is pretty important when unwinding a curse,” Michael finished, reaching down to start rifling through his backpack on the floor between his knees. He produced a bag of beef jerky and grabbed a piece out to start gnawing on it.

“Okay. Are there any other correlations between the couple’s deaths? Certain number of years apart repetitively? Way they were found? Any of that?” Alex asked, looking out his window at the tarmac and ignoring the urge to watch the muscles in Michael’s jaw move as he chewed on the tough meat.

“I swear to God, Alex, did YOU even look at the case file before emailing it to me? Did you do any of your own research?” Michael exclaimed, banging his first on the arm rest between them in frustration. Alex turned and looked at him sharply.

“If you’re getting 65 percent of the fee, you can pull a few extra minutes on the computer, Guerin. Besides, I’m just trying to see if we came up with the same findings,” Alex replied acidly, making sure Michael caught the glare he was giving him before turning back to stare out the window.

“You’re such an ass. I’ve never been the one afraid of putting in a little extra work to fix a problem,” Michael replied acidly.

“Yeah, but as soon as your workday is done, you clock out and leave whatever mess there is where it stands,” Alex replied, not bothering to turn and look at Michael. They were both taking cheap shots and he felt a little bad about his part in it. They were going to be stuck together for who knows how long working on this case and they needed to at least be on speaking terms. Alex shifted in his seat and turned to look at Guerin who was back to studiously ignoring him in favor of his phone.

“That was uncalled for. I’m sorry,” Alex apologized. Michael snorted and shot him a withering look before turning back to the phone screen. Alex waited another couple of beats before deciding Michael was just going to let it lay there. Alex wasn’t getting an apology back. Apparently, Guerin didn’t care about keeping things civil. Inwardly Alex groaned and lamented what a long case it was going to be if Michael kept throwing punches and Alex kept apologizing for punching back.

#malex wip #tumblr only #malex #exes to lovers #personal growth #ghost story #adventures in possession #maybe someday i'll have time to add more to this

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autistic-singer515 · 3 years

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Here’s my fan art sketch of the scene I want in the Animaniacs reboot season 2. That’s right when Julia has a nasty side effect from the obedience chip, she turns into a giant mouse monster out of anger. It causes her to go out of control. As Julia was about to try to kill Brain, Pinky pushed him to safety and takes the hit instead. Julia tries to control herself as she saw Pinky unconscious. She looked at the blood on her big claws. That unpleasant sight frightened her. She shook her big hands in fear and sadness. She frightfully looked at Pinky and her bloody claws back and forth. She felt sick to her stomach upon the realization of her actions. Now she hated the idea of killing, even the Brain.

What has she become?

“Oh no....” Julia thought sadly. “ What have I done to him? I’m a monster! A terrible monster!”

Due to her anger and confusion and the electrical shocks, Julia’s monsterous instincts were taking over her mind. She plans to get revenge on the Brain and everyone else in the world for neglecting her.

“But why would Pinky sacrifice himself to save a tyrant?” Julia thought angrily. “The world likes to play a little cruel game with me! Then nobody loves me or understands me! Everyone in the world is evil! Including me! I might as well destroy everything and myself, starting with you, Brain! You made me like this and you will pay!”

As the Brain witnessed Pinky’s unconscious body, his anger towards Julia rose up. He swore revenge against her. He knew she had to be stopped and to be turned back into a normal unintelligent mouse. But after he tried to stop Julia once and for all, she already grabbed him in an attempt to squeeze him to death. The Brain tried to bite Julia’s hand to try to get her to let go. But Julia’s muscles were too strong and numb to feel pain. But then the Brain saw Julia struggling with her mind and her electrical shocks from the defective obedience chip on her left ear. She was trying to calm down after she saw what she did to Pinky. She’s trying to keep her love and compassion within her. But the obedience chip was making it too difficult for her to do so. Her sanity was slipping away from her. She was downright scared of losing herself and killing everyone uncontrollably.

The Brain’s eyes widened to the realization and felt sick to his stomach with the squeezing making it worse. It felt too familiar to him. He remembered getting abused with the electric cheese platter from those mean scientists. He remembered how much it angered him to no end that he plotted world domination. It conditioned him into not showing affection towards Pinky or other people. Just so he wouldn’t feel weak and helpless if he gets rejected by them after showing them love.

No wonder Julia was plotting revenge against him just so she could make the world a better place for everyone. Just so she could become a hero with good intentions. It was all because the Brain pulled a familiar stunt as the scientists did. Now the Brain knew how it felt for Julia to be abused like this. He made her like this and it was all his fault.

For years the Brain tried and tried to remain calm about not succeeding in taking over the world. But after years of repressing his true feelings for Pinky, his behaviour gradually had gotten worse and worse. The more the Brain looked deep within himself, the more he felt like a different mouse all together. He remembered his other recent actions, including attempted kidnapping of people and attempted child labour. They were the things his former arch enemy Snowball would’ve done.

He knew that deep down inside, he never wanted to do those horrible things, but the world was recently becoming a lot more stupid, violent, crazy, frustrating and difficult for him that he was too angry to hold back. He felt like he had to do his job for world peace and for good reasons even though his actions were a lot harsher than normal. He was hurt before. He didn’t want to be the helpless little mouse anymore. Because of this, the Brain tried his hardest to ignore his love for Pinky. But now that got his funny friend seriously hurt. The Brain ignored Julia’s empathy and then he ruined her mentally. The Brain’s heart stings just thinking about those horrible memories.

The Brain knew he started this whole mess. He wasn’t sure he would survive his own squeezing situation himself. But he hoped that at least Pinky would wake up even if he’s gone. Maybe he could stop Julia from rampaging.

If only the Brain was as kind as Pinky.

Julia’s insults towards the Brain played repeatedly in his throbbing mind that it was almost unbearable for him to handle. He gritted his teeth and sweated with anxiety.

“You monster!”

“All this time I’ve been manipulated by a tyrant!”

“Tyrant!”

“Monster!”

“Tyrant!”

“Monster!”

“Tyrant!”

“Monster!”

“Julia was right about everything about me..... What have I become?....” thought the Brain, feeling the guilt and fear overcoming him. “I thought I could make the world a better place.... But I messed it up real bad.... I’ve made too much irrational decisions.... I’m not as intelligent as I thought.... I’m no better than the scientists and Snowball who abused me long ago.... And now Julia is getting worse because of me!....”

How the Brain wished Pinky would wake up right now to help him get out of his bad situation. Just like they always did for each other. But Pinky still didn’t seem to wake up.

What would Pinky do if he was in the Brain’s situation?

Ask Julia stupid questions about eating yourself and then disappearing after that? No! Definitely not! That’s ridiculous! That won’t work for her like it did for his demonic robot son, B.R.A.I.N! She would already know the answer.

Then the Brain remembered the time Pinky constantly apologized to him when he was a green mouse monster. It always reverted him back to his normal mouse size until the serum wore out of his system. As the Brain continued watching Julia struggling with her mind, he thought that if it weren’t for Pinky, he could’ve been like Julia. An out of control monster.

The Brain remembered what Julia once said, “ I think it’s time I stopped speaking from the brain and start speaking from the heart.”

The Brain finally realized that he should’ve listen to Pinky’s advice in the first place, that is helping Julia before she destroys everything, including herself. He finally realized that he was the one who should apologize to Julia, not Pinky. Maybe if the Brain could apologize to Julia, maybe he could try to calm her down. He may not be Pinky, but he knew that the least he could do right now was just try.

“Just be yourself, Brain.” thought the Brain. “But be kinder.”

So the Brain apologizes to Julia.

The Brain: “I don’t know if you can hear me say this.... But.... I’m sorry.... Julia.... I made you a monster and Pinky is badly injured because of me.... What have I done?..... How could I’ve been so cruel to you?.... Deep down inside me, I really feel awful for forcing you into being my First Lady... But I was too proud to admit it.... I know what it feels like to be helpless, Julia....”

But it seems that Julia wasn’t buying the Brain’s apology. She squeezed the Brain too tight that his lungs were about to burst. The Brain groaned and sweated. It was starting to get difficult for him to breathe.

“Liar!!” yelled monster Julia. “You’re lying! You’re heartless! You’ll always be heartless! Just like everyone else in this world!”

The Brain said “believe me, Julia. I was once like you. Lonely, afraid, angry and abused by scientists. I wanted to take control for myself and the world just to show everyone I’m not a dumb weak mouse anymore. Pinky was right.... I was mean and angry because I was afraid of showing love.... I didn’t know about love enough...”

“Pinky’s better at showing compassion than me..... But right now he can’t do that.... So I want to help you now....” the Brain continued. “I promise to let you make your own decisions this time! No more neural implants! No more mind control! You name it! Just please control yourself before it’s too late!....”

Monster Julia’s eyes widened with confusion.

Could the Brain be telling the truth?

Monster Julia tried harder to control herself.

“I... I didn’t mean to hurt Pinky!....” said Julia. “I want to stop hurting people.... But why am I still angry?.... Why are you so nice to me all of a sudden?.....”

The Brain waited with baited breath for Julia to finally calm down.

Could Julia be coming to her senses?

But then her monster instincts took over again and then realized something. The Brain must be lying. He was just pretending to be nice to her, just so he could use her again.

Monster Julia yelled “No! You’re never like me! You’re trying to use me again by lying! Well, no more! I won’t take orders from you anymore!”

The apology wasn’t working. Not liked it worked for him as a green mouse monster. Dread, fear and hopelessness was overcoming the Brain.

The Brain felt just as helpless, sad and scared as ever. His worst fear was about to do him in. And it was all his fault. His body shook fiercely.

“If only I could fix all this”..... said the Brain tearfully. “You have every right to hate me... I deserve this.... Why didn’t I listen to you or Pinky?.... I don’t deserve forgiveness..... Because my recent actions are unforgivable..... I’m the real terrible heartless monster.... Not you....”

Now the Brain hopelessly prepares for his doom as Julia continues to squeeze him.

That was his punishment after all.

But when all hope seems lost, the very guilty Brain sheds a repentant tear and then he let it drop onto Julia’s nose as a way of saying sorry. Julia felt the tear drop on her nose. She stared at the tear running down her nose. She felt the warmth from it. Then suddenly her nose started to glow magically.

The Brain saw Julia’s nose glowing.

What was happening?

Julia gasped. Then she looked at the Brain with tears running down his face profusely. His tear filled eyes were very honest about her safety and everyone else’s safety.

Julia stopped squeezing Brain and put him down as she became confused.

“Why are you crying?” asked Monster Julia. “How can a stoic mouse like you be capable of shedding tears? Could that warmth be from your genuine remorse and concern for me? How can that be so? How can a tyrant feel sorry for me? But I’m just as bad as you.... How can a monster like me still feel joy and sadness?...”

Julia’s eyes filled with tears.

Then Julia thought of something she hadn’t before.

“Could a tyrant and a monster really change? Am I loved after all?” asked Monster Julia.

Julia’s anger melted away like snow and she realized that the Brain really meant everything that he said. She remembered what Pinky once told her. He was right. The Brain can fix what was wrong with her if they give each other a chance. And maybe he did give up world domination a few times just for Pinky.

Then the warm glow grew and spread all over Julia’s body. It felt like a nice warm hug to Julia.

“For some reason I feel safe. This warmth is so comforting.” Julia said. “I think it’s telling me that I’m not alone and everything’s going to be okay. It’s starting to make sense now. Pinky was right about you all along! You do have some good in you! And I still have good in me! Both of us can change!”

The Brain realized that he was wrong about himself, he still has love in his heart within him despite his recently not so great intentions. He also realized that it’s okay to show compassion towards others no matter how tough he is and that sometimes feeling helpless and weak is okay as long as you have friends to help you. Maybe the Brain could slowly but surely heal from his trauma just like Julia is healing from hers. Maybe Julia didn’t have to turn back into a normal mouse after all.

Then Julia reverted back to her normal mouse size and the obedience chip slipped off her left ear and broke as it hit the ground.

Then after Brain made sure Julia was alright, they would check on the unconscious Pinky from my previous fan art.

Maybe in the reboot the obedience chip won’t fly off Julia’s ear. Maybe she’ll get a surgery to get rid of the obedience chip in her ear after Pinky was alright.

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just-horrible-things · 3 years

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Here’s a really old piece from before I had heard of whump! The perspective character is not mine, I wish I could remember a username to credit the owner.

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Waiting for the High Hunt

I can hear him long before I enter the dungeon. He's in another manic phase. His voice reaches me first, filtering up through the stones. He screams long and hoarsely, more animal than person. Not for the first time, I think he would make a good hunter. He is full of primal rage and energy. Perhaps if he survives being prey I will make him an offer.

As I open the door to begin my descent, the sound is magnified a hundred fold, echoing off the damp stone walls. I hear the repeated clang of metal on stone now as well, irregular and harsh.

It is cold in the dungeon, colder than the wooden cabin above, but not so cold as the outside air, where the wind blows harshly. I have allowed him his leathers, but I know it is barely enough to keep the cold at bay.

The wolves are restless. Some come to me, whining as I enter their lair. The others stand a little apart from his cage, watching him, or pretending not to care.

I had hoped they would cow him, but he does not fear them, and they have come to learn not to approach too closely. He is astonishingly quick, and even with only his hands and a piece of broken stone he injured one that tried to bite him through the bars.

I have removed all the rubble from his cage, but I cannot stop the ice from forming, and sometimes it forms in sheets thick enough to be used as fragile, makeshift blades. I considered removing his gloves, but I don't want him to lose his fingers to frostbite. He must be strong for the hunt. Besides, I doubt the pain and cold would keep him from handling the ice.

I stand and watch for some time. He hasn't noticed me yet, or feigns not to have done. He throws himself at the bars over and over, slamming his shoulder into them. Sometimes he hurls himself so hard at the metal that he breaks bones, but not today. Today he is showing restraint. Perhaps not truly manic then, merely letting out frustration. It is good for him to exercise and maintain his strength.

When he finally sees me, he stops yelling and clings to the bars, panting. Another sign that he is not in the grip of madness. His pale, yellow eyes lock mine with a desperate urgency. He is defiant today, then. When he fears me, he drops his gaze.

I require his fear. I need him to run before me when I finally release him. When the Hunt comes, he must flee before the wolves. But I am not worried. I know how to make him fear. In the weeks we have been together, I have learned his terrors. When the time comes, he will run from me.

But knowing that, I needn't have his fear every day. Too much too soon, and he will become numbed to it. He numbs so quickly this one, so quickly shuts himself away and becomes dead to the world. I can't have that.

"When is the Hunt?" he asks. He asks the same thing every time. It has become a routine, and I indulge him in it. "When the moon is full." "How long? How many days?" "It's been two days since I last saw you," I tease him. He has no way of counting the time here in the dark. "Five more days," he responds instantly. He remembers, then, what I told him last. I am not lying to him. I want him to be as prepared as possible in body and in mind. He must be the best prey that he can be. "Are you looking forward to the Hunt?" I ask, mocking. His answer is fervent, and a little surprising. "Yes, yes, eight times yes." He sounds so sincere, I could believe that it is the truth.

But he is an inveterate liar, and very good at what he does. Most likely he is only looking forward to what he imagines will be his chance to strike at me.

He does not know how badly he will fear when the time comes.

Or perhaps he's merely saying what he thinks I want to hear. I've punished him before when he steps too far out of line.

There is a brief quiet. We watch each other, I among my wolves, and he clinging to the cold metal as if his legs barely have the strength to hold him.

The power differential is palpable in the air, but that has never seemed to disconcert him. As if reading my thoughts, he sinks slowly to his knees, a tacit acknowledgement of my power over him. He has never been ashamed to beg, not even when his hatred for me runs hottest.

"You want water?" He nods. I haven't fed him in two days. Water seeps down from above and freezes onto the walls. He can lick the ice, but it is never enough. He grows thirsty in my absence. The water I've brought this time is warm, heated over the fire then carried under my furs. Its heat will give him strength, if he drinks quickly.

I approach the bars at a slow, but confident pace. He hesitates, then falls back. Sometimes he attacks me at this point, but he is always swiftly punished. I am cautious, but I do not fear him. He is too thirsty to act against me today.

I set down the jug of water in front of the bars just within his reach, and lay a haunch of raw meat beside it. The wolves eye it with interest. Just like that his gaze leaves mine. It flicks to the meat, then from one wolf to the next. He snarls, and some of my pack snarl back.

I can see from the tension in his body that he is ready to pounce forwards, but nobody moves. They are waiting on my tacit permission. Even he acknowledges my authority today.

I step back, and three bodies snap into motion. A hungry wolf moves fast, but he is impossibly quick. Almost faster than the eye can follow he is at the bars, flat full length on the floor to extend his reach. The meat disappears back into the cage before either pair of wolf jaws can close on it.

One retreats, conceding defeat, but the other, angered, lunges forwards for him. Sprawled flat as he is, he shouldn't be able to react, yet he does. As the fanged muzzle pushes through the bars to reach him, he is spinning, and a booted foot collides squarely with the side of the wolf's face. It cries out in pain and withdraws, but he has landed another blow before it can retreat out of his limited reach. Wounded more in pride than anything else, it skulks to the back of the pack, tail low.

The jug of water has been knocked in the confusion, but the seal holds. He retrieves that before eating and drinks deeply, holding the meat protectively against his chest. At first he seems a little surprised by the warmth. He looks to me and mumbles gratitude before continuing to drink.

It remains a puzzle to me how he can simultaneously hate me and thank me, apparently in sincerity, for the smallest of things. I have never demanded thanks from him, but his manners remain impeccable, at least on days when he isn't mad.

When he looks up from the water, he speaks again. "What meat is this?" He asks these pointless questions, trying to prolong my visits. He is not afraid of the wolves, but he is afraid to be left alone, and he barely bothers to conceal it. "Deer again," I respond.

In the first week I tried to taunt him by pretending I was feeding him the meat of his own kind. He wasn't bothered by the idea, and nor was he fooled. I suspect he's been driven to eat the flesh of the dead before. He was so thin when I caught him, and yet I believe he has been thinner before. I feed him as well as I can, but it is not enough to put more flesh on his bones. I have too many other mouths to feed.

"Where did you catch it?" "Near the cemetery." The question recalls to me the thrill of the hunt. "We ran it down, just me and my priestess. A long hunt, to honour the Beastlord. The first time we ran it down we only spilled a little blood and allowed it to run on. The second time I tore out a hamstring to cripple it. We let it limp a little longer, desperately fleeing us, until we finally pulled it down and feasted on its hot guts. It was still screaming." I grin at him, but his pale eyes are unperturbed. "That's how we'll hunt you. A long, painful hunt, with a lot of blood and glory. You'll scream in the end." He nods. "Most people scream in the end."

"Still looking forward to the Hunt?" I ask. He still shows no fear, as such, but there is a certain wariness in his eyes. He hesitates, as if sensing my intent. "You shouldn't be. You should be afraid. You think you can escape me, but you are wrong. I will run you until you can run no longer, but the fun doesn't stop when I catch you. I will tear your tendons so you cannot flee, but I'll leave you just enough strength to struggle against me as I pin you to the floor." I step closer to the cage, right up against the bars. He's afraid now, he won't strike against me. "Once you're helpless, perhaps we'll start eating. Eyes are delicious, we could have those out, one at a time. Maybe your guts. A gut wound is a terrible way to die, but a slow one. You'd live long enough for us to have plenty of fun. You like begging for mercy, don't you, but once I had your tongue out, you'd be hard pressed to beg for anything."

He shrinks away from me as I speak, eyes low. No more defiant stares now. This is what I need. He must fear me. He must run before me. I bare my teeth and snarl at him, and he flinches sullenly away.

I laugh and stand to leave.

As I reach the stairs, I hear the dull crash of him hitting the bars, but only once. I look back. He's clinging desperately to the bars, staring at me with pleading in his eyes. As my gaze meets his, he drops his stare, and sinks again to his knees. He doesn't bother to beg me to stay with words anymore. It makes no difference to whether I stay or go. But he still does this pathetic routine every time.

He's normally quick to learn, so I wonder if I've been accidentally rewarding this behaviour. Perhaps it's not such a bad thing. His submission to my strength is good.

I smile at him as he kneels, silently begging me to stay, then I turn and climb the stairs.

As the door at the top grinds shut behind me, I hear him begin to scream again.

#my writing #my ocs #others' ocs #old writing #gore tw #animal cruelty tw #threats tw #cannibalism mention #mental health tw #self inflicted injury tw #compulsive behaviour tw #solitary confinement tw #hunger tw #deprivation tw #d&d whump

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patroclusonly · 4 years

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Well y’all, here is my awaited (by like, two people) really long post explaining why I think Bobby is not that great of a character and why I hate his relationship with Buck.

(this was supposed to be for a reblog but it’s way tooo long for that)

Be warned, this will be me pointing out everything he did wrong and why the way he acts with Buck is just wrong too in a very direct way and with lots of swearing because that's how I express my anger in writing. So, if you like Bobby you probably won’t like this.

I will put a cut here so only the people that want to read it, do it

To start let me say what I think about the man.

Bobby is the most boring character in the show. There, I said it.

Yeah, his backstory is super sad and whatever but he’s just bland and I think the reason the fandom loves him so much and loves to see him as a father figure is because he’s an old, non-threatening, white man. He said two coherent thoughts in season one and treated Buck like a kid and everyone bought this “nice, wise and always right” idea of him.

Also, his natural stand is the ‘welcome to chili's’ stand. Yes. You know it is. Okay, keep going.

To be someone so “mature” and “wise”, he has the emotional maturity of a child. He snaps when he’s angry, he gives the silent treatment and he changes the subject when he feels threatened.

Every time he’s mad at himself or about something in his life, he snaps at the team or even at people in calls, he gets defensive when someone calls him out on his self righteousness and his superiority complex. Now, to expand that i’m going to give some examples:

-He snaps at Chimney when they learn about the blood thing and he gets mad at the fact that now he has something good in his life because he doesn’t deserve it and so he’s all moody at work???

-He snaps at Hen days after asking for her help to stay sober,

-He snaps at Buck when he says he read his book and even gets physical, pushing him against the wall

*Now, because I have a thing against men and threatening physical movements, I’m going back to episode one and how he physically moves to make Buck feel scared (that he might hit him) when he walks towards him in the roof, making him back up.* (yes, Buck was afraid of his reaction and since he’s Buck he wasn’t just gonna stand up to him, much less because it was Bobby, and I’m pretty sure he (bobby) knew that)

-Also, the way he says “what did you just said to me?” to Buck in 3.18 like Buck had just insulted him. That was just a stupid and out of place reaction, not a reaction of a boss in the middle of a disaster but it will be talked about later.

-That one time when he snaps at the owner of the building where the floor collapsed during the wedding

-That one time he snaps (and again, gets physical and pushes him against a wall) at the dude in the episode with the vegan protesters because he can’t handle how he’s feeling about Buck and the lawsuit. (I’m vegan so yeah, fuck that dude, but the point is: that was another immature and unprofessional reaction)

(I could take that time when Michael is telling him he’s done enough (after harry sets a fire on purpose to play firefighter) and Bobby says “What’s that supposed to mean?” But I won’t because that’s just another immature reaction but for different reasons)

Going to the silent treatment or change of subject when he feels threatened:

-When Chimney is telling the team he proposed to Tatiana and Bobby is standing as Chim says “silently judging right there with that smirk on your face” (which is the vibe he gives all the time, thinking he knows best, and now quoting De Luca, who was a little jealous but a lot right saying “you come in here with your nose in the air and your eyes looking down”) then he just says “you know what? you’re upset. Let’s drop it.”But Chim keeps pushing and then he just attacks back.

-Also, he wants things his way and isn’t willing to understand the other’s reason for something. “I’m not gonna be satisfied with stolen kisses and take out containers. I don’t like keeping us a secret. It feels like lying.” (remember when Eddie says to Buck “a lot of Is there”? mhmm) and the fact that he worded it that way makes it worse. Also, “it feels like lying” really? what are you, five?

-another moment that shows his immaturity and stupid things he’s said: “Well what am I supposed to do? Forget it, forget all the mean thing she said to her?” Are you a grown man talking about your wife (who can fix her own shit, thank you very much) and her mother, or about a little kid getting bullied bro?

Jumping to the next time we see Athena’s mother. In episode 7 from season 3 he literally calls her so she would make Athena stop investigating Emmeth’s case and after she convinces Athena to tell them everything, he tells her he can do it, like he’s giving her his permission or his blessing to do it? She was gonna do it anyway, fool.

another stupid line: “he called me a liar and it stung.” why does he sound like a five year old all the time?

another stupid thing he said because he doesn’t take blame in anything apparently (and this is going to be mentioned again when I get into his relationship with Buck but I’m going to talk about it now too) Athena jokes about not inviting Buck over anymore because something always happens and Bobby says “That’s a great idea. None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t invited him over for dinner.” (HMMMMM)

Also, he’s mocking and condescending. But well, I don’t have the time to find all the scenes for that. Let’s just say he is with Chim sometimes (maybe some other character, let me know if you have someone in mind) and then with Buck the rest of the time and you can clearly see it.

There are some other examples that could be used here but will be used to analyze his and Buck’s relationship in this next part.

Now the idea was to divide this by season and try to organize by episode but it got a little messy. You can understand everything anyway and that’s what matters, okay?

Season 1:

You can see the potential for a father-son relationship, but all the patience and understanding he has at the beginning is gone after the roof scene (personally, I think it’s all about projecting his own past mistakes and that why he looks so angry and resentful).

He goes from “He just needs a little direction” and explaining things like why Buck can’t go into the hospital with the baby to “leave your problems behind” and kind of shaming him for sleeping around? Saying “we work with women side by side” as if Buck was harassing someone?

“So you wanna disrespect yourself, that’s fine with me. You wanna disrespect all these women that you chase around, that’s on them.” He’s clearly way too old school and apparently doesn’t understand that as long as there’s consent, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping around, it’s not something to be ashamed of. And Bobby (the whole team, honestly but Bobby has some defining lines) make him feel so ashamed to the point that once he feels bad about himself when he wants to start having sex again.

Then after Buck comes back to the station with the truck, after helping with the little girl, he asks Bobby if he’s giving him another chance and Bobby says he’s out of chances and that he “failed to communicate” how lucky they are to do what they do.

To which Buck answers: “You’re wrong, Bobby. I absolutely do get what a privilege it is to serve here, and you know what? You were right to fire me. I was a punk. I still am one. But I’m a punk who understands what he lost.” I think between that and the “I don’t have anything else.” he said in the roof scene, Bobby should’ve stopped doubting Buck’s commitment to the job.

But he stil thinks throughout the seasons that he doesn’t take it seriously and that it’s all a game for him.

In episode two, you can see once again the potential to this relationship when Buck thinks he’s letting Bobby down and Bobby takes the time to sit with him and explain that it’s okay to feel like that after losing someone and that he should talk to someone. And he helps him past that fear (when he tells him to do the maneuver) because he knows he’s just afraid and needs a little push.

(Also, maybe this is not as important but he says “this is not a family” to Buck, but when they’re in the hospital with Chimney after the rebar thing he says “his family is right here”? Which is it man?)

(Also pt 2, I don’t like tatiana but he was super rude. “this is not about love, it’s about decency”. How about you find a better way to phrase your thoughts bro, because somehow you come out with the rudest thing to say every time.)

In episode three, Buck insists about knowing about his little book and Bobby just, pushes him against the wall?? And everyone is like, okay with it??

In episode fours he relapses (still don’t understand what triggers him?But I guess alcoholism is a complicated thing). Buck and Hen help him and he’s all snappy with Hen.

Now, with the flashbacks you can see how he’s been an alcoholic for years and his wife tells him that she thought he would do everything to stay sober so he “wouldn’t be caught at work again.”

And he says “I’m strong. I’m unbreakable. I’m superman. I go into burning buildings and I come out without a scratch. That’s me.” You can see why he projects so much on Buck, but he’s projecting about the wrong thing.

Buck doesn’t think he’s invincible, he just would do anything to save people. Even put himself in danger. And yeah, thinking he can do anything while in the uniform is something that we see him say but it’s still not the same thing.

(And this is just me being petty about how bland he is but that scene is supposed to be sad and it’s just meh. His wife tells him to leave because she can’t see him and he gives the blandest (and kinda rude considering the situation) “then what?” and when she tells him “I’ll forgive you, just not tonight.” he just goes out again and keeps drinking.)

Also, we know he spent years working while drinking but he can’t let Buck work while just sleeping around

Okay, I kinda lost the episodes’ numbers here but when Buck starts seeing Abby and he asks Bobby for advice, his advice fucking suck.

“Why don’t you try something new, just once, getting to know her.” Now, listen here, my boy Buck wanted that intimacy shit. Remember when he asked for truck girl’s number in episode one? That was him wanting more, but he hadn’t been lucky there so just, meaningless sex was the other option for closeness.

“If you’re interested in her, a woman like that deserves chivalry.”

“Any woman with substance and experience has lived a life and she’s gonna come with some baggage.”

He is the definition of old school sexist. My man, every woman deserves chivalry, okay? And please rethink how you value a woman’s worth, thank you.

(Another comment about episode eight: He was snappy and mad a himself and just drops the bomb on Chim about his plan of killing himself???Go to therapy bro, Chimney did not needed that weight on him.)

Entering season 2 (which doesn’t have that much scenes between them)

Let’s jump directly to the famous “I feel like, if I ever did that, you would yell at me.” that Buck says because he’s so right. He’s always treated like a reckless kid that doesn’t think things through but the fact is that he’s really smart and his plans and the times he’s jumped in to save people have worked out just fine?

You can see the difference between how he treats Buck, who has been working for over a year now, and how he treats Eddie, who is supposedly a probie, from the start.

And as a mutual pointed out not long ago and it stuck with me, Bobby plays favorites and Eddie is clearly his favorite. He can do no wrong and doesn’t need to be told what to do. He has Bobby’s trust without even working for it and Buck, who’s been there working his ass off for the recognition (not the approval) that he is good at his job (because it’s everything for him), gets nothing but being told off over and over.

In Bobby Begins Again we learn that after he almost drank himself to death, Bobby gets sober again and tries to come back as fast as he can to work and he just wants the big boss to make it happen. Doesn’t stop to think maybe he’s not ready yet, he just wants to go back to work to, as he says, “atone for what I’ve done in my own way and if you won’t let me do that then send me some place that will.” (also, again, and example of wanting for things to go his way, no matter what)

He also doesn’t even stop to think about how much he fucked up and that, even though he thinks he’s ready to go back, everyone else might not think that. (Also, other reason as to why he projects so much on Buck)

Then 2.18 happens. Everything starts to go wrong for Buck and good for Bobby.

Bobby goes back to work and Buck has months of recovery after the truck bombing. That was aimed for Bobby. And to which he never apologised or said anything about.

They can’t fire the “guy who was a hero on the 6 o’clock news” but they can not let back the guy that was actually crushed, because the “hero” doesn’t allow it.

He’s looked as a hero but everyone forgets that it happened because of him in the first place.

Season 3:

In episode one, Bobby thinks Buck is ready to come back. Then the blood clots happen and he starts projecting again.

“I thought I could handle it. Lied to everybody, ignored the pain. I don’t want him making the same mistakes that I did. The job should mean a lot, but it shouldn’t mean everything. He’s gotta learn that.”

Buck was out for five? six months? And the blood clots were something he couldn’t see coming. It’s not that a month happened and he wanted to go back, even when he wasn’t fully healed. He did everything right but still, Bobby was projecting through his own past mistakes.

Also “The job should mean a lot, but it shouldn't mean everything. He’s gotta learn that.” Bobby should only be worried about Buck being able to do his job because other people depend on him, not try to teach him some life lesson. And Buck was able to do his job, he passed the recertification, the clots were just a set back. He should’ve been able to come back after healing from that.

Athena sees how Bobby is bringing feelings into it. [“He’s not my kid”]

“No. But he’s also not you. Maybe he’s making the same mistakes you did. Maybe he’s not.”

Bobby says “Just wait and see?” and I thought he would understand and he would let Buck back and wait to see if he actually had a reason behind his doubt.

“You gotta let them grow up sometime.” Athena says, clearly seeing that Bobby is too attached to Buck and does (kinda) try to protect him like a kid.

(Now, from here on I forgot (again) to write down some of the episodes’ numbers so it’s a bit of a blur but I’ll keep talking about how Bobby keeps projecting and lying)

We know that Bobby gets a call to talk about if Buck and his return to work. Let’s keep that in mind for a second.

“It’s the blood thinners. The department is concerned about liability issues and since the doctors haven’t figured out what’s causing the clots.” He lies. Right to his face.

“Well, Buck if we were out on a call and something happened to you…” He acts all concerned about how they can’t be worrying about him while on a call. Let’s remember now how Chimney got a rebar through his head and got stabbed and within a month he was back, and no one was worried about him getting any side effects in the job.

“Then I would have two paramedics standing next to me. I would be fine.”

“They can’t do this to me. You can’t let them take away my job.”

“Out there in the world, helping people. That is where I belong. That is where I have spent five months fighting to get back to. And now you’re gonna tell me that I can’t?”

“I don’t want light duty, okay. And neither would you. I quit.”

Now those are all things Buck said and Bobby, at any moment, could’ve said something like “I was the one to tell them you weren’t ready but as soon as you get cleared, you’ll be back.” But he chose to keep quiet, to keep lying.

And then he dares to say “Buck has us”? Really? Like he wasn’t the actual cause of everything Buck was going through.?

Then Buck goes back for light duty as fire marshall and Bobby says: “For what is worth, I’m proud of you. I’m glad you didn’t throw away your career ‘cause you had a little set back.” (and dares to be annoyed with Buck for how he is as a fire marshall)

“I promise you, your place will still be here for when you’re ready” PROJECTING.

The whole scene with Bobby, Athena and Buck at dinner is Bobby being a coward because he knows what he’s doing is wrong. The projecting and lying.

“You’re not ready, that’s what I told them when they asked.”

“You’re the reason they won’t let me back?” That was a clear question, basically “you told them not to let me back” yet Bobby deflects and denies it’s his fault:

“Medication is the reason.”

Athena tries to help and says “Bobby is just worried about you, that’s all.” and to try and get Buck’s focused anger out of Bobby she says “We all are.” But she made it clear before that she thought he should let Buck back.

“I thought you were my friend.”

“I am your friend. I am also the captain of almost twenty other firefighters whose life and safety depend in the decisions I make and I can’t put them at risk if you’re not operating at 100%...”

“Buck, I know that you went through a lot in that tsunami and maybe you feel like you can survive anything…”

Now, for those last quotes I would like to remember the “I’m strong. I’m unbreakable. I’m superman.” dialogue and the fact that Bobby never cared if Chim was at 100% or if he himself was at 100% when he was asking to go back to work that time in Bobby Begins Again.

Also, that night before Buck tells him about the lawsuit, he still doesn’t apologise.

In episode five, when Athena jokes with Michael about not inviting Buck over anymore because something always happens Bobby says “That sounds like a great idea. None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t invited him over for dinner.” My initial reaction to this was EXCUSE YOU BITCH??? but what this actually tells me is that he was never planning to tell Buck the truth about him being the reason he couldn’t go back to work.

Now this is both the fucking funniest and the fucking worst thing because this fucker really doesn’t see how wrong his is:

“I don’t treat Buck any differently than I do any other firefighter under my watch.”

And I think even people that do like Bobby can see the bullshit in that.

Buck is literally the only firefighter that gets treated differently. And you’d think that since everyone seems to believe their relationship is “father-son” like it would be a good thing for Buck, but no. He’s the one always getting screwed over while the rest can do whatever they want without any consequences.

And we’re gonna quote the lawyer now because even though he used Buck’s lack of knowledge about how attorney-client relationship works, he makes some pretty on point arguments:

“It’s relevant because it illustrates how everyone except mister Buckley is allowed to return to the job no matter the injury or infarction.”

“You asked my client for his help that day. That’s exactly what he did, without hesitation, he helped you get sobered up and you returned to your full duty as captain of the 118. (...) So isn’t the only difference between your off duty relapse and mister Buckley’s that he actually did everything in his power to help you return to your job?”

I think the city tried to settle the lawsuit with so much money for a reason, don’t you?

You can also see how Buck, the one that was actually affected by what Bobby did, doesn’t hold any resentment towards him and is just glad to be invited to the rage room thing. And is the one to apologise AGAIN, when Bobby hasn’t apologised once.

“Brass didn’t want the headache, they’re afraid of the bad press (...) They gave me the option to transfer you, they understood how I might not want you back after everything you put us through.”

Put them through what? Honestly. Buck was the one crushed. Buck was the one left behind. Buck was the one lied to. Buck was the one doubted and betrayed by one of the people he trusted the most. The rest was put through...? some truth thrown in their faces?

In episode six, Bobby tells Athena “Well, he’s signed every liability waiver and release forum that the department threw at him. Pretty sure we could drop a piano in Buck’s head and he wouldn’t be able to sue the city for it.”

And then later he says “I don’t know what I’m doing. He just, he doesn’t think things through. He acts and reacts and that leaves the rest of us to have to deal with the fall out.” I would like a list of the times Buck did something that actually affected the rest of them in a bad way aside from the lawsuit where everyone was just left with hurt feelings, please and thank you.

Buck takes his job seriously. I would say more than anyone else. Because for Buck the job is the most important thing in his life, unlike the rest of them because they all have families to put first.

Athena, again, because she’s a queen that he doesn’t deserve, sees that Bobby’s just angry and has hurt feelings.

Buck is finally back and of course, because he’s Buck, he doesn’t just shut up and obeys, and Bobby says:

“You know Buck, someday you’re gonna figure out when to stop pushing and learn some patience. I hope we’re both alive to see it.” He’s talking all patronizingly again and he uses the word “learn” (which is something important, they way he always uses that or implies that with Buck) because he still sees Buck as a kid that needs to learn a lesson.

Hen, because she’s another queen, also sees that Bobby is being too emotional and unprofessional with Buck and Bobby says:

“I can see that he’s trying. It just still seems like he doesn’t get it. Like this is all a game to him.” Which honestly, what the actual fuck. Remember that speech Buck gave Bobby in season one when I said that’s the last moment Bobby should’ve thought Buck didn’t take his job seriously? Well, apparently even though he’s been working for two years now, to him, he takes his job less seriously now. Crazy, right?

Hen, beautiful smart and objective queen Hen, explains to him that if it was all a game to Buck, he could be fucking around with the millions (MILLIONS) he was offered on the lawsuit, but that he chose to go back to work and that Bobby is just being selfish (she doesn’t say selfish but we reading between lines here) by holding him back.

Apparently, Bobby kinda gets it and is ready to let Buck back in for real.

Then the scene where Buck helps the lady with the dude in the windshield happens and Bobby is called to the hospital because emergency contact? Buck explains what happened and Bobby, because he’s so fucking rude without even noticing how that makes everyone else (mostly Buck) feel, says:

“‘cause you jumped in and saved him. Probably didn’t even occur to you to worry about yourself.” He says this like Buck just proved to him that he had a reason to not let him back.

“Yeah, I know. I know. I didn’t think, just rushed in like I always do. I guess it’s like, the uniform is my costume. You know, I put it on and suddenly I’m brave and I’m strong and make a difference. Feels like without it I’m not much of anything.” (That last line broke my fucking heart btw) But here you can see Buck knows he’s impulsive, but he’s not really reckless. He can’t help his impulse to save people, it’s who he is. (what bobby isn’t naturally, but that’s another topic we’re not going to talk about right now)

I think here is when Bobby finally starts to understand that Buck is not a kid that doesn’t understand what he has and needs to be taught a lesson.

“Does that mean you are ready to let me back for real?”

“Doesn’t matter if I’m ready, you are. It’s time for me to get out of your way.” This line says a lot. He finally understands that he can’t just hold Buck back because he sees his own mistakes on him and that he was doing that before. Buck is ready and has been ready for a long time but he just now sees that it’s not up to him to decide over Buck’s life like that.

(For this next part we’re going to remember how I said that the only one to ever really suffer the consequences and to be treated differently is Buck)

In episode seven, Bobby finds out Eddie’s been street fighting. He listens to Eddie and understands, doesn’t judge him, doesn’t get mad for putting everyone at risk by coming to work injured. He doesn’t even tell him “hey, maybe you should take some time off and figure your shit out.” He just send him to therapy and lets him keep working like nothing happened.

In episode nine, when Hen hits the girl (as in crashes with the ambulance, yk, not actually hit her), everyone is sure that it’s not her fault and they let her return to duty right away, she’s the one to ask for some time off.

And everyone doesn’t doubt for a second that the accident wasn’t her fault, doesn’t judge her at all. (which is fine because it wasn’t her fault but my point is, would’ve Buck been the one in this situation, I don’t know if it would’ve been as easy to resolve)

When Buck is worried about Bobby and the radiations thing, he asks him how he feels and if he’s hiding symptoms, and Bobby thinks he’s annoying. But maybe that’s what he should’ve done with Buck when he was the one recovering instead of just assuming and lying and keeping him from returning to work.

In episode sixteen, Hen just “felt like breaking every rule in the book” and does what she think is right no matter what (which was actually right and we understand but that’s not the point). We’re gonna add some quotes here:

“You can do what you want, I’m doing this.” She says to Chimney like there was any other option for him.

Everyone praises her and is proud of her. Then Bobby comes in:

“Feels like this is about more than Anton. That girl, the cello player. You’re still thinking about her.”

She knows what she did was wrong and asks “How much trouble am I in?”

“Patient didn’t die. No one’s lodged a complaint. It’s a great save. Don’t do it again.” That's it.

He doesn’t get mad, doesn’t reprimand her, doesn’t suspend her. Doesn’t say “Hey, you just did a really reckless and impulsive thing that broke many rules and I’m sorry but I have to reprimand you . Also, maybe you should take some time off? Go to therapy. Chill. Learn that even though you were right, you can’t just pull that shit at work.”

In episode eighteen, they’re talking about saving Abby’s fiance after Bobby finds out, and I’m going to put the dialogue first and then talk about it.

“Stop. You’re too close to this. This is too risky.”

“Well, I am willing to take the risk.”

“It’s not yours to take. You can’t just rush into any dangerous situation and assume it’s gonna be okay. ´Cause it’s not and I am tired of being on the wrong side of those hospital doors.”

“Bobby, I am not Athena.”

“What did you just say to me?”

Well, first of all, his priority should be doing the job, saving as many people as they can. Buck is WILLING to take the risk to save both people and it is his to take. And not only because he promised to Abby he would save Sam, but because it’s who he is. He saves people, no matter the risk for him. (which again, three(? years of knowing him and Bobby still doesn’t understand)

Also Bobby, hun, if you’re tired of seeing your team (and Athena) in the hospital, maybe you should reconsider your life choices because you’re captain of a group of people that literally puts themselves in harm’s way to help other people for a living.

In conclusion, Bobby is kind of a hypocrite that projects a lot, is immature, resentful and has issues expressing how he feels properly, most of these things are always directed at Buck and that’s why I don’t like him and their relationship.

You have reached the end! Amazing. This was a really long rant honestly but I believe everything I wrote here, so hopefully y’all understand my perspective and I don’t gain haters for this

I think I make some pretty good points.

Okay, if you really read all that, thank you! It took me a long time lol

(Tagging you because you asked: @angelcamael) (And my girl @himbo-buckley who is always there to listen to me rant about this)

#can y'all see what i mean by this?#like bobby had potential #but he's just anoter boring entitled white man #and his and buck's relationship is just so wrong #and weird #and we do not stand bobby in this house #is this a meta?#i'm going to tag this as a meta because you say this is a meta boo #meta #911 meta #bobby meta #buck meta #anti bobby nash #evan buckley #911 fox #fuck bobby meta

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dragonquill · 4 years

Text

Durin’s Day: Boxing Day Edition??

Here is my fic for Durin’s Day! It was inspired by the amazing @ofahattersmind, who was 100% more patient than I deserve with my writing issues this month.

See the lovely art here!

Happy Durin’s Day ah....delayed!

----

Fili is five the first time it happens.

It begins with a sense of warmth and contentment that almost makes sense - he’s by the fire with his parents, and happy enough - but the warmth is stifling and the contentment brief. But what follows - a sense of searing brightness, fear, indignation, is so clearly foreign that he bursts into tears, burying his face in his father’s chest and shaking with the power of it.

He tries to explain, but he’s only a child, five years old and precocious but with no point of reference for what’s just happened to him. It passes in minutes, and his sobs give way to little gasps for breaths and the occasional hiccup as his father rubs his back and kisses his hair and worries over him.

His mother has her suspicions, but keeps them to herself.

Keep reading or Read on Ao3!

----

For Kili, there is no “first time.” From the day he’s born, he seems oddly mercurial, his mood shifting suddenly from time to time. He’s a cheerful, loving child, outgoing and friendly nearly to a fault (“We don’t talk to strangers,” he recites after his mother, but once someone says hello, they’re not a stranger anymore!). But there are times when he goes quiet and thoughtful, watching the world instead of forcing himself on it. He likes those times, he says. He feels peaceful. Like he’s not alone.

“That’s our Kili,” his mother says fondly, watching him go from spinning in hyperactive circles to curling up happily on the couch, watching the crackling fire.

----

Kili hears words first. Perhaps it should frighten him, but it doesn’t. It feels like his quiet times, and the voice in his head isn’t saying anything scary. It’s a little boy voice, like his, and it’s studiously practicing multiplication tables. Kili’s years from learning them, though when the day comes he’ll already know them and won’t quite be able to explain how.

In the stories about soul bonds, the first communication is usually dramatic and meaningful, the beginning of something otherworldly.

For Kili, it makes his nines tables a sinch five years later.

----

Fili’s parents die when he’s twelve. His uncle takes him in, serious Thorin with his Durin-blue eyes and limited understanding of how children work. He is the one who tells Fili about soulbonds, how rare they are, how their minds meet across the entire world. He suspects Fili has one.

“And if you do,” he says, as gently as he knows how, “they’ll be feeling all the pain you’re feeling, and might be very scared by it.”

Maybe it’s a dirty trick, using a boy’s empathy for others to dry his tears and toughen up, but it appears to work. Fili stops crying so much, starts getting out of bed and living life.

But what Kili feels, far away, isn’t the facade but the real thing.

His parents worry and fuss and arrange for therapy as he cries himself to sleep, night after night.

-----

Fili is rather secretive by nature. He doesn’t want to bother anyone into worrying about him, and by the time he’s fourteen, he certainly knows they’d worry if they knew he talks to himself in his head all the time. The fact that the voice is different from his own only makes it more disturbing.

I hate living with Thorin he’ll sulk, because Thorin is trying but he isn’t Fili’s parents. And his own mind answers Yeah he seems like a and a stuttering pause before dick that makes Fili laugh.

And then he’ll find himself defending Thorin, who isn’t so bad, and the voice makes up a silly song about Thorin’s tendency to talk like it’s 1854 until Fili is sprawled in bed grinning to himself over how clever the voice in his head is, and why can’t he be that clever in real life?

----

Kili is an open book, and he forgets not to just talk back to the voice in his head. It’s cute when he’s a little boy with his invisible friend, but the older he gets the more concerned the adults in his life get.

He doesn’t know about the quiet meetings among counselors, teachers, and his parents. He doesn’t really understand the new doctor who tries to convince him the voice isn’t real.

He doesn’t like the summer he has to leave home and go stay in a hospital for two weeks during his vacation. He’s furious, and lonely, and everyone is telling him to lie about the friend in his mind, but he’s not a good liar by nature.

I’ll know the truth his brain-friend says. We’ll know. Just tell them you don’t and then tell me you do. It’ll make them happy.

Kili is reluctant, but he does as he’s told.

He still slips up sometimes,and he sees the worry in his parents’ eyes and laughs it off. He’s a class clown, right? He can get rid of these things.

Only his friend knows he hates it, hates the lies, curls up in his covers and sniffles some nights, feeling like a bad person.

For a while, his friend promises to go away, and leave him alone. But that is so much worse, because it’s quiet in his head and he’s all alone and. “Is this what people want me feel?” he asks the dark, arms wrapped around a well-worn blush manatee he’s too old for as well (keeps it under the bed so his parents won’t take it away, as his friend suggested). “It’s awful.”

And he tells his friend just how awful it is, until he comes back.

---

It’s sensible enough to name his inner voice Kili, Fili figures. As good as anything else. It is just an aspect of himself. A..creative one. Who tells stories about a life different from him. Who lives out some of Fili’s fears (is he not quite sane?? Is his inner voice too much?? Don’t writers and such have this?? It’s fine, it’s fine). Who is warm and funny and optimistic in a way Fili isn’t, but wants to be.

Just a way of thinking things through. It’s fine if he gives it a name.

He hopes.

----

His friend’s name is Fili, and Kili loves how they match. It’s like destiny in his favorite tv show! They’re meant to be the best of friends! The show is all about a legend about soulmates being bound from birth, and talking to each other, and finding each other and--

---

Fili visits the library, and researches, and wonders.

---

It happens on a lovely fall day in Fili’s home town. Fili is working on his post graduate degree in business administration - not the most interesting, but it’ll help out his uncle’s business, and that’s a guaranteed job that will pay enough that he can hone his own hobbies and interests on his off time. He’s still sensible, but that doesn’t mean he can’t turn some of that practicality to funding his personal interest in writing and travel.

He’s also working at the business’s central office, actual pay instead of an internship, so he’s stayed close to home. He’s saving money for a trip down south, for warm weather and sprawling beaches that remind him of stories he’s heard. Or. Made up. Via Kili.

Fili tosses hair back over his shoulder, adjusts his coat, and walks into his favorite park. The trees here were selected to look as colorful as possible in autumn, and he loves it. Best time of year, hands down.

-----

Unlike Fili, Kili traveled for university. He’s on the archery and lacrosse teams, with actual scholarships, and he’s studying English, which is mostly so he can go on into a proper specialty in myths and folktales. He secretly believes he is a folk tale, despite the counseling and medications to convince him otherwise. He loves the city, filled with carefully maintained parks and currently a chaos of fall colors. It’s too hot back home for anything like this-

He sees someone out of the corner of his eye, and turns his head with practiced nonchalance for a better look. Kili is a man who appreciates the human form. Oh ho, he thinks, he’s hot.

And he is, all long golden hair and neat beard and fur lined leather jacket. He’s shorter than Kili, but more solid. He looks delicious, in the best way.

Stop creeping people out, says Fili in his head, and Kili laughs.

The man stops, frowning a little.”Odd,” he says aloud in a soft tenor voice that makes Kili’s heart thump.

He gives his head a little shake before looking around. Blue eyes- so blue Kili can make them out from a fair distance - flicker in Kili’s direction. He doesn’t seem to have a bit of Kili’s secret shyness. He smiles, slow and inviting.

Never mind, I’ve found a pretty one, too, Fili says in Kili’s mind.

Kili nearly chokes on his own spit.

The blond man turns and walks closer, more than a hint of swagger in his steps.

“Hey,” he says smoothly.

-----

Kili feels his jaw drop. His heart is racing. He can hear it in his ears. He bungee jumped once, Fili refusing to have anything to do with it. It felt like this, like ziplines and roller coasters that flip you upside down.

He clicks his jaw shut.

“Ah...hey,” he says back, intelligently.

---

Fili feels a flash of concern, and steps closer. “You okay?” He puts his hands up. “Promise I’m not a serial killer after tourists. I’m honestly just flirting.”

---

“I’m not a tourist!” It’s not what Kili means to say, because he knows, in his bones, who this guy is. He wonders why he never really thought about what Fili must look like. He’d have thought taller, but everything else…

Yum.

“I’ve been here a year!”

----

“Oh, pardon.” Fili grins and bows like an old-fashioned gentleman. “Practically a local, then. Does that mean you’re familiar with the Ri Family Teashop?”

Fili is forward, but not usually this forward. But somehow, he wants to know this person.

Or already knows him.

Something.

----

Kili starts to grin. “Are you asking me to tea?” he asks, because oh, good, Fili knows him too.

“Hmm. I don’t know. My mother said never to have tea with strangers.” Fili holds a hand. “Fili Durin, local peacekeeper and not an axe murderer, and you are?”

----

The cutie is staring at him, and the stare is starting to look singularly unimpressed. “You know who I am, Fili.”

“Ah, afraid not,” Fili answers, but there’s a tug in his belly like he’s lying to his uncle Thorin about why he was out so late as a teenager. “But I very much hope to.”

The definitely a nine sighs and puts his hands on his hips. “I honestly thought you were smarter than this. But you can’t be completely perfect, I guess.” But he’s smiling, fit to battle the sun, and Fili can’t even work up a sense fo indignation. “It’s me, Fili. It’s Kili.”

-----

Fili will deny it until they are old and grey, and Kili will just keep telling the truth anyway.

Fili’s eyes roll back in his head, and he stumbles, and Kili grabs Fili in his strong arms like the hero he is. It’s not fair to say Fili passes out, maybe fades a bit would be more accurate.

Either way, he regrets it forever because it makes him the damsel who wakens (blinks and sees better, because he wasn’t unconscious or anything that dramatic, correct?) in the arms of a stranger who is no stranger at all. And dammit, Kili even kisses him awake.

(It’s soft and chaste and sweet and Kili, a press of lips just like his voice, beloved and real and everything Fili ever wanted to be real.)

“Hi,” Kili says again, grinning down at him. “Welcome back.”

Fili will argue later that he didn’t go anywhere and he would have been fine and etc. etc, but for now, he reaches up from his awkward arching slouch in Kili’s arms and brushes hair from those playful hazel eyes, and tugs him down for their second kiss.

----

Nice!, they think, and the kiss turns into laughter.

#fiki #fili/kili #durinsday2020 #ofahattersmind #gatheringfiki #quill writes

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peculiaridealist · 3 years

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Trouble In Paradise (Literally)

AN:

Last hurrah y’all. Thank you for reading.<3

Chapter 5: Interview with the CEO

"Are you sure you wanna do this alone?" Maggie asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Yeah." Kara nodded. "I don't want her to feel attacked. And besides, this is also work stuff."

It had just been a few days since their realization of Lena having been brainwashed when Kara just received her first assignment since the time she had returned to CatCo. It seemed like luck was on her side when she found out that she was bound to have an interview with L-Corp's CEO, which also just so happened to be no other than Lena Luthor herself.

"Never mix work with personal life, Kara." Maggie reminded her.

"I know, Mags." Kara gave the shorter woman a reassuring smile and pulled her in for a hug. "I'm gonna go now. Don't wanna be late for my first assignment or else Snapper's gonna have my head."

"Oh, no. We can't have that, can we?" Maggie quipped and was followed with a chuckle which Kara joined in.

"No, we can't."

Letting go of the shorter woman, Kara fixed her bag and headed for the door.

"Bye, Mags! See you later and, please. No funny business with my sister, no sex on the couch, and most especially on our bed." Kara said in a playful manner and she heard Maggie saying "asshole" before she had finally closed the door with a laugh and left the house.

However, all the playfulness in her was immediately drained and was replaced with dread and worry when she arrived at the towering building of L-Corp. Just by thinking of Lena being at the very top of the building makes her want to just turn around and bail and make an excuse as to why she wasn't able to come even if she will have to face Snapper's wrath.

No, I am so not gonna chicken out. Don't be a coward, Kara. She scolded herself internally. Steeling her resolve, she finally stepped inside the building and, eventually, on its elevators up to the CEO's office.

"Oh, God. What am I even going to say to her?" She mused out loud as she heaved a sigh. All the scenarios of meeting Lena that she had practiced in her room had seemingly been forgotten when the familiar ding of the elevator was heard.

"Now or never." Kara mumbled as she stepped out and walked towards a desk which she just assumed to be Lena's secretary's desk.

"Good morning." The secretary greeted her. "How may I help you?"

"Y-yeah, hi. I'm here to interview Le- Uhh... I mean, Miss Luthor." Kara internally kicked herself for stammering this much, but can you blame her? She's nervous as hell.

"Do you have an appointment?" The secretary asked and she nodded.

"I- umm... Yes. I'm Kara Danvers." The blonde pushed her glasses up her nose. "I'm with CatCo."

"I see. Well, you're just in time, Miss Danvers." The secretary stood from her seat. "Please, follow me. Miss Luthor has been expecting you."

"Oh. Okay..." Kara breathed out and quietly followed the secretary inside Lena's office.

She barely had time to appreciate the simple yet very attractive and spacious office of the young CEO when the secretary had addressed the woman she had longed and, at the same time, dreaded to see.

"Miss Luthor, Miss Danvers is here for your interview with CatCo."

"Thank you, Jess. I'm ready whenever you are, Miss-" A shattered glass was heard as Lena dropped the one she was holding in shock as soon as she lifted her gaze up from her phone.

"Miss Luthor, are you alright?" The secretary, Jess, asked with full of concern.

"Y-yes. I'm fine." Lena stuttered as she draw in a deep breath. "Leave us, Jess. Just send someone after my interview with Miss Zo-"

"Danvers." Kara immediately interjected which came out as a soft squeak as she was trying hard to stop herself from shaking.

"Right." Lena nodded to Jess and Jess nodded back as she left the brunette's office.

"Let's get this over with." Lena dryly stated as she stood up and walked towards her office couch. "Sit."

Kara complied obediently and sat at the opposite side of the couch as soon as Lena had settled down. Just as she was instructed, she ran over the set of questions that was given to her and to her relief- sort of- Lena answered her questions with all honesty.

"Can I ask you something personal?" Kara dared to ask. "It's fine if you don't-"

"Ask." Lena interjected. "I have some questions of my own as well."

"Really?" Kara asked again with utter disbelief. Just like that?

"Was that your question?" Lena asked back with a perfectly shaped brow raised.

"N-no."

"Then stop wasting time and ask whatever it is that you want to ask." Lena snapped which made the blonde wince.

"O-okay." Kara uttered quietly and she cleared her throat. "What did they do to you the day that they shipped you back here? The facility..."

Lena's lips curled into a menacing smile. "Opening my eyes and letting me see through all your lies. That's what they did."

Kara's brow furrowed in confusion. "Lies? Lee, I never lied to you."

"Don't call me that, Kara." Lena berated the blonde. "My turn. You swore you would find me. Why did you break that promise?"

"I-"

"They told me that you really had no intention of finding me. That you were to be released the next day after I left. You knew that I held on to that promise of yours."

"What?!" Kara exclaimed incredulously. "That's definitely not true, Lena. Remember what they do? They brainwash people and they did it to you as well."

Lena rolled her eyes. "Oh, cut the bullshit, Kara, and don't pull that stunt over me. They told that that's exactly what you're going to say."

"And you believed them? Look... the night after you left, we, Maggie and I, were bound to escape that goddamn island but they did something to me." Kara explained, hoping that Lena would hear her.

"And you expect me to believe that?" Lena laughed humorlessly as she shook her head. "You see, they also warned me that you will do this. The whole explaining thing and trying to make me believe everything you're saying and about to say. I just didn't expect that you would show up after a year."

"It took me that long because I was afraid!" Kara threw her hands up in exasperation. "And for the record? We got to escape that island two weeks after you left. They sedated me that long and I was bound to be shipped the next day after."

Kara saw how Lena clenched and unclench her jaw. She knows Lena was beyond angry at her and more than that, she could see the hurt evident on the brunette's enticing emerald eyes. "Alright, I'll humor you. If what you're saying is true, it still doesn't change the fact that you didn't find me."

"Again, I was afraid, okay?! And I was hurt..."

"You were hurt?" The young CEO scoffed. "That's rich coming from you."

"Says the one who was going around and kissing someone after a couple of weeks." Kara unintentionally spat out of bitterness. "Live on television, if I may add."

"Why should I wait for someone who wouldn't even love me back?!" This time, Lena stood as well as she was unable to keep her voice in a reasonable volume.

Kara took a few steps closer to the brunette. "Who says I wouldn't?"

"They did!" Lena moved slowly moved to the blonde as well.

"But I do!" Kara yelled as they were standing in front of each other.

"Don't lie! Stop lying!" Lena shoved Kara but the blonde didn't budge.

"For God's sake, Lena, I'm not lying!"

"Yes, you are!"

"I'm not!"

"Liar!"

"Lena, please..." Kara pleaded. She didn't come here to have a shouting match with Lena.

"I never should've trusted you." Lena's voice dropped as well as it shook slightly and Kara could see her eyes getting watery. She's not a fan of hating stuffs but seeing Lena cry was something that she makes an exception and one that she really hates seeing. "It was wrong for me to trust you. You're nothing but someone who's full of lies and-"

Lena was cut off when Kara smashed her lips onto the brunette's. It was quite painful, given that her teeth somehow collided with her lips and it was hard for her because Lena was pushing her away but, like when she was getting shoved by the brunette, she didn't budge. She, instead, deepened the kiss and just a few seconds later, Lena gave in and kissed Kara hard.

Kara couldn't help but feel triumphant as she felt Lena's lips move in sync with hers. The blonde then parted her lips as she let out a gasp when Lena bit her lower lip and the brunette's tongue invaded hers. Though it did hurt, Kara didn't mind as long as Lena wasn't pushing her away.

This continued on for another good minute when the need of air was badly needed. Kara reluctantly pulled away as she gasped for breath and she saw how hard Lena was also panting.

"First, you break your promise and now you play with my feelings?" Lena whispered as she leaned her forehead against Kara's and it broke the blonde's heart to see Lena crying. "Just how cruel can you be?"

It was now Kara's turn to wipe Lena's tears and she then wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist tightly. "Lee, I'm not playing with your feelings. I never had and I never would."

"How can I possibly trust you?"

"I guess..." Kara unwrapped one of her arms and fished something out of her pocket. "... you just have to have faith."

Lena's eyes widened in surprise as she saw what Kara had just pulled out. "You... you kept that?"

"Of course." Kara laughed lightly, looking at the stone that Lena once gave her. "I promised, remember? Sorry if I was extremely late."

"But... they they told me-"

Kara's expression darkened as she cut Lena off. "They were all lies. I could never do that to you so please, believe me when I say that I..."

"You...?" Lena asked expectantly.

Kara took a deep breath before looking at Lena directly in her eyes. "I love you and I really, really missed you... like really missed you."

Lena sniffed and she managed to let out a small chuckle. "As much as I hate to admit it, even though they had made me believe the lies they told me, I never really stopped loving you... and I missed you, too. Wait... how come your last name became Danvers?"

"Because the Danvers were my adoptive family." Kara answered. "Besides, if I used my biological family's last name, would you have agreed for an interview with me?"

"Probably not." Lena mumbled sheepishly.

"Exactly. And why are you with that guy?" Kara asked with a frown, now that things have started to mellow down between them, jealousy was settling within her.

"Jack?" The corner of Lena's lips quirked up in the slightest bit when Kara nodded. "Oh, darling, it was all just for a show."

"It... was?"

"Mhm." Lena hummed. "It was just a front to get my mother off my back but in reality, Jack and I are just very good friends and we go way back in college."

"Oh..." Was just what Kara breathed out as she was at a loss for words. Was she just jealous for a year over nothing?

"You know, you never change."

"How so?"

"You still have that look whenever you're jealous of something or someone." Lena pointed out.

"I do not." Kara denied.

"And you're still in denial." Lena was now grinning and it made Kara's heart thump.

Kara rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

"Make me." Lena challenged her.

The blonde's eyes flashed with mischief as she smirked. "Gladly."

"Okay, so let me get this straight, though, ironically, no one in this room is." Maggie held out a hand to signal Kara to stop talking and the blonde closed her mouth obediently. "You interviewed Lena and it went well?"

Kara nodded. Maggie and Kara were currently lounging at the living room when the former asked for the complete details of the blonde's interview with the young CEO and the latter just finished retelling what really happened.

"Then you just have to go and be unprofessional which had you and her screaming in both anger and frustration?"

Kara nodded again.

"After that, you kissed and you made her realize that she had been brainwashed then she told you that her relationship was fake and you both fucked in her office?"

Kara's face turned red in an instant due to embarrassment as she started to stammer. "I wouldn't say that we... that w-we... uhh..."

"Fucked?" Maggie helpfully suggested which Kara grimaced but still nodded to.

"Yeah... That."

"Kara-"

"Maggie!" Kara cut the shorter woman off. "For the love of God, stop talking about that anymore."

"Hey, you two." Alex greeted as she entered the house. "What did I miss?"

"Oh, nothing." Maggie tilted her head up as Alex walked towards her and planted a soft and sweet but quick kiss on her lips. "Just a little Karadventure to a certain CEO whose a brunette with green eyes."

"You met with Lena Luthor?" Kara could tell that Alex's interest were piqued when her older sister turned to her with that scrutinizing look.

Oh, God. I never should have let her and Maggie meet. She internally groaned but, of course, she didn't mean that. She was genuinely happy for the two and was glad that something good came out despite everything Maggie (and her) went through.

Realizing that she haven't answered her sister's question yet, she shook herself out of her thoughts as she cleared throat. "Yeah, I did. Snapper gave me the assignment of interviewing her."

"But she did more than just interview." Maggie whispered to Alex conspiratorially but it was loud enough to reach Kara's ears and make the blonde all flustered again. "And here she goes warning us to not do the deed on the couch while she's out there doing it on a desk."

"Maggie! We did not do it on the desk! Well, I mean, at first we did. Then we transferred on the couch!" Kara chastised the shorter woman which just made the latter laugh.

"Okay, that is way too much information." Alex uncomfortably said, her face slightly burning up. "I don't need the mental image of my younger sister doing that stuff."

Maggie shrugged nonchalantly and just grinned at the two.

"Oh, right, I forgot!" Kara exclaimed as she remembered something. "Lena and I are gonna grab dinner this weekend and she wanted you to come with me, Mags."

"Oh..." Maggie's smile slowly dropped and she slightly frowned. Kara didn't need to ask. She knew exactly why.

"Lena feels bad, Mags. She wants to apologize to you in person."

"You should go." Alex encouraged her girlfriend. "It's not like she's entirely at fault given that she, like what you two have said, was brainwashed."

"I know. It's just-" Maggie let out a sigh. "I mean, I was just hurt by the way she treated me. But, alright. I'll come with you. For old time's sake."

"And that is more than enough." Kara smiled softly at the shorter woman and she gave Maggie a side hug.

Days had gone by in a blur and the weekend did came. Kara and Maggie arrived at an Italian restaurant where Lena had agreed to meet and had told the blonde that she had already reserved a table for them. They just got in when a maitre d' approached them.

"Good evening, ma'am." He greeted them with a smile. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Uhh, hi." Kara greeted back awkwardly and nodded. "Yes... I think?"

"Under what name, ma'am?" The maitre d' politely asked again.

"It should be under the name of Lena Luthor?" Kara answered, quite unsure.

"Ah, yes. Please, follow me. Miss Luthor has been expecting you two." He turned on his heels and beckoned for them to follow him. They did so and it wasn't long when they saw the very familiar green eyed brunette, face scrunched up in concentration as she was typing furiously on her phone.

"Excuse me, Miss Luthor." The maitre d' called out to Lena's attention and the brunette looked up from her phone.

"Kara, hi." Lena immediately stood from her seat then made her way towards the blonde and pulled Kara for a hug.

"I'll be taking my leave, madames, and return with the menu." The maitre d' said as he dismissed himself and left the trio alone.

Lena's gaze then turned towards the shorter woman as soon as she had let go of the blonde and a flash of worry crossed her face.

"Hi, Maggie..." The brunette greeted timidly, voice just barely above whisper.

"Hi." The shorter woman greeted back in the same manner then an awkward silence settled between the three.

Kara's gaze flitted back and forth towards Maggie and Lena. She was quite unsure what to say at this situation. She wracked her brain up in hopes of trying to find a way to lighten things up. A joke perhaps?

Luckily, Lena saved her the trouble of trying to make a conversation when the brunette cleared her throat. "Shall we take a seat?"

"Of course!" Kara's voice had been a bit too high for her liking and she internally grimaced. The two seemed to have paid no mind for they just sat silently (again) on their selected seats and Kara shuffled on her feet as she followed to sit as well.

There was another stretch of silence again but it was only for a bit when Lena spoke again.

"Maggie, I'm really sorry about everything that I've said that day." Kara could feel the sincerity in Lena's voice. She knew that Lena loves Maggie just as much. It was just that goddamn facility that made her doubt things and everything about them.

Maggie pursed her lips as she mulled over what to say and Kara was starting to get slightly anxious as to what Maggie's response would be.

The shorter woman then heaved a deep sigh as she looked at the brunette. "You know, when you said that you wanted us to stay away from you had stung."

Kara could sense that there was a but coming and she thinks Lena does too for the brunette didn't speak even though she looked like there were still things that she had wanted to say.

"But what really hurt me the most was when you accused me of something that I'm not." Maggie continued. "First off, I wasn't using you to get information. Secondly, everything that I have shown you was genuine. And lastly, I'm not a liar. I don't think that I've lied to you, like, ever."

Lena wasn't able to look directly at Maggie so she just locked her gaze at the table as she quietly said, "I know..."

"Just..." Maggie paused for a second to take a calming breath then proceeded. "Just tell us what really happened. We, at least, deserve some sort of explanation, don't we?"

Lena immediately looked up. "Of course, you do. That's why I asked both of you here."

"I thought this was originally intended to be a date?" Maggie slightly cocked her head with her brows furrowed.

"I'm sorry, what?" Lena asked as well, mirroring Maggie's confusion.

"You and Kara?"

"Oh!" Lena exclaimed in realization. "No! No, of course not."

"Umm..." Kara voiced out, still unsure what to say.

Lena turned to her and gently grabbed her hand. "Not that I wouldn't want to date you, darling, because I assure you that I would."

"It's not- uhh... I'm- I-I mean..." Kara spluttered as she blushed furiously at this simple gesture and the maitre d', bless him, interrupted them, drawing the trio's attention.

"Excuse me, madames. Here's the menu."

Lena waved the offered menus off. "Actually, could you serve us the best dish that this place offers? As well as the best wine that you have."

The maitre d' nodded. "Absolutely. Drinks will be served right away, ma'am."

"Thank you."

He then turned his back again and dismissed himself.

"So..." Lena cleared her throat, causing for Maggie and Kara to look at her. "The night that I was destined to be brought back here was also the night that I finally snapped."

"What do you mean?" Maggie asked. Both her and Kara are getting even more confused by this.

"They had been feeding my insecurities and all since the very beginning. That was what my "therapy" was and it didn't really help when they've been saying a bunch of crap about you two. Saying that you two were just using me... Manipulating me. I didn't believe them at first but, as they did it again and again, I started to believe each and every lies that they have fed me." Lena confessed. "They didn't really return me to my family that night. Not right away, I mean. They did bring me back to my old house and they were there with me for a couple more weeks.

"There they continued to poison my mind and they, eventually and seemingly satisfied with their work, left but not before calling my mother." Lena spat the last word with venom and Kara was about to ask her about it when Maggie shot her a look so she just kept her mouth shut.

"I didn't stay with her, of course. After everything, I still didn't want to be anywhere near her so, I packed up, left, and returned to my own penthouse." Lena continued. "She just wanted to take control of my life again and wanted me to find a someone who would fit her taste and wouldn't stop pestering me about it and that's where Jack had entered the picture. He helped me get my mother off my back and when she did, we waited for a few days then called off our fake relationship. After everything, I still thought of the two of you. I swore I'd never lose hope but after half a year of waiting, I guess that hope just slowly turned into anger."

The wine Lena ordered arrived just in time she had finished retelling everything that had happened to her. She gave the server a small smile and thanked him before he proceeded to attend other customers.

"I'm sorry." Maggie uttered softly.

"It's fine." Lena waved her hand dismissively. "It wasn't your fault anyway."

"Partly our fault." Kara quietly interjected.

"True." Maggie agreed and Lena chuckled softly as she shook her head.

"Come on. Just let me feel bad about this."

"Suit yourself, Luthor." Maggie quipped, her lips were tugged at the corner as she gave the brunette a shrug and the three of them laughed.

"One last question though." The shorter woman gave Lena a quizzical look which made the brunette chuckle.

"Out with it, Sawyer."

"How did you snap out of your brainwashed state so quickly?"

A smile slowly formed on Lena's lips. "I may have thought just about everything. A year is quite a long time to be spent for thinking, you know. Kara just... enlightened some spots that I was unsure of."

"Fucking genius." Maggie mumbled which made her companions laugh.

"Oh, I have been wondering. What happened to you two when you escaped that place?" Lena asked as she took a sip of her wine.

"Well..." Kara glanced at Maggie as she chuckled nervously. "A lot has happened, really. Maggie finally got away from her parents and I... got in a slight problem with Mike and my aunt."

"By slight, she meant almost got dragged away from her foster family again and got her ass almost shipped back to the facility." Maggie elaborated which made Kara wince. "She's just sugarcoating her words."

"Maggie!" Kara exclaimed and she looked at Lena, whose expression had darkened, warily.

"You don't have to worry though. They're ought to stay away from Kara if they know what's best for them." Maggie reassured the brunette.

Lena arched her brow and looked at Kara as if she was silently asking the blonde what the shorter woman had meant and Kara, thank heavens that her density didn't act up, had immediately answered.

"Maggie may or may not have threatened to arrest them for invading my privacy, for harassment, and for abduction."

"You damn right I would." Maggie proudly stated. "You should've seen their faces."

"Priceless, I presume?" The brunette asked in amusement.

Maggie snorted. "You bet it was."

Lena was about to retort when a loud rumble was heard and both her and Maggie turned their heads towards a blushing Kara.

"Oops." Kara scratched her nape and chuckled, clearly embarrassed. "I guess all this talk and the waft of the delicious smelling food had made me hungry."

"Oh, darling. You're always hungry." Lena pointed out.

"Day in and day out." Maggie added and both her and Lena had bursted out laughing. Kara joined them in as well and they shifted into a much lighter topic as the night went on.

They went on with their lives normally and sure did they missed the "normal" life where they weren't running, hiding, or trying to escape from anything or anyone anymore. It might have just been months when they were held captive but it had already been a long time for the three.

Then next thing they've heard was that the facility had shut down due to a leak of information that contained every crooked ways that they did and have done. Residents were freed. Attendants were arrested, save from Winn, much to their relief, who turned out that he had already resigned a month prior from the facility fiasco and who also turned out to be the leak. Reign was nowhere to be found which gave an extreme discomfort to the three but Maggie pointed out that as long as the facility was no more, there was nothing that they should be worried about anymore.

"She would be stupid enough to create another facility while she had a bounty on her head." Maggie had said. Kara was aware that it was meant to be a joke but she knew that Maggie was also serious about it.

Everything went smoothly afterwards and before they knew it, it was already the most wonderful time of the year (according to a certain song and a certain blonde). Kara and Lena, both taking a break from their respective jobs, were taking a stroll in the local park when she shivered due to the cold breeze that blew past them.

"My hands are cold." Kara whined and Lena just silently held her hand, entwining their fingers as they continued to stroll at the park.

Kara was silent for a moment as she stared at their joined hands before she spoke again. "... And my lips are freezing."

Lena chuckled in amusement as she faced the blonde. "You know, if you wanted a kiss you could've just said so, you dork."

Kara gave the brunette a nonchalant shrug and a goofy smile which made Lena laugh.

"I love you." Kara murmured.

"Come here you." Lena pulled Kara in as she cupped one of the blonde's cheeks and before the brunette closed the gap between their lips, she softly uttered. "I love you, too."

Lena finally closed the gap and softly planted a kiss on Kara's lips. The blonde gave out a satisfied hum as she kissed Lena back.

Kara was contented with this. With everything she currently have. She was contented with her job, got her freedom and family back, gained the most loyal friends she thought she'd never have... and she had Lena. The one who never failed to make her feel giddy and nervous and loved and Kara couldn't ask for anything more.

Lena then pulled away and pecked Kara on the tip of her nose which made her blush and smile widely.

Yup. Kara was- and is- definitely and beyond contented.

#kara danvers #lena luthor #maggie sawyer #winn schott jr #reign #alex danvers #kara #lena #maggie #winn #alex #supercorp #sanvers #supergirl #light angst #light humor #light fluff #everything light #'cause idk wtf i'm doing anymore

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constancecunningham · 3 years

Text

Fetch Quest || Constance & Remmy

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @whatsin-yourhead & @constancecunningham

SUMMARY: Remmy tries their best. Constance learns about fetch.

CONTIAiNS: Implications of past abuse.

“Moose, fetch!” Constance threw the ball as far as she could. Without any body strength to speak of, it didn’t go very far. The dog caught it in mid air and dropped it just off of where Constance sat hovered in front of a park bench. Without Nancy to show her how to be calm in the world, she struggled to grab anything except in frustration. Every time she tried, she saw her disappearing into the air and rage blazed through her. She threw the stick again, scowling into the horition as Moose made a big circle around the grass to give himself a few more moments of joy before picking up the ball and delivering it the short distance to her. Constance stared at it. She had never been allowed a pet of her own, and whatever ‘fun’ this was supposed to bring was beyond her. “I think I spent too long in the ether” She said. Moose panted and wagged his tail, expecting something from the non-magical nothing in the air.

Mourning someone who was already dead felt strange, even to Remmy. They didn’t know how to properly mourn something like that, even for themself-- but perhaps they’d need to start finding a way. “What do you mean?” they asked when Constance spoke up again. This time, Remmy leaned down and grabbed the slobbery ball, tossing it a rather commendable distance across the park for him. Moose took off with the utmost joy and Remmy turned to look back at Constance. “Spent too long? Do you… remember what it was like there or something?” They’d pondered what it was like between life and death, wondered if that was a place they’d ever get to know, or if their undead life now meant they never could know. Was dying supposed to be peaceful? They didn’t know that answer either. Moose came trotting back with the ball but Remmy was still looking at Constance.

“Not really,” Constance shrugged. “I don’t see things when I think about it. But I feel...different. Wrong. In a way I didn’t before. Or at least, wrong in a way I don’t believe I was before, even in the ether. There’s just darkness over all those years, like one dark, dreadful sleep. Like when you know you had a nightmare, but you can’t recall of what.” She tried to unclench herself, finding ease in the air the way Nancy had been trying to teach her over the past few weeks, visiting the house, even staying some nights.

When Remmy didn’t throw the ball again, Constance reached for it, and watched in anguish as her hand fell though. Constance sulked back. “Do you remember what it was like? You must have been dead once, for a little while. Did it feel like a bad dream then, or am I the only one?” Again.

“I don’t remember being dead,” Remmy said quietly. The wind rustled through the valley and the only way they knew it happened was by the movement of their own hair. It had gotten so long again, nearly down to their shoulders. They drooped a little. “I barely remember dying in the first place.” They watched Constance’s hand sink through Moose’s ball, and they bent down to pick it up and hold it out to her to try again. “Sometimes I think not remembering is better,” they explained after a moment, “it...hurts a lot when I do. I had to have someone else tell me how I died because I guess my brain blocked the memories and I couldn’t, like, reach the memories anymore.” They glanced at her again, concern on their face. “What makes you feel wrong?”

“Perhaps you are right,” Constance said. “At least your body anchors you to this plane and the grass bows to your weight. You belong here. If you don't remember being different, you cannot confuse yourself by thinking otherwise.” She ran her hand through the ball again before deciding she didn’t care about it anyway. “It’s just a feeling. Mind, I was always told so, by everyone.” Well, almost everyone, but they had been liars and traitors, so what did that count for? “But I never felt half so wicked as they told me I should until I was returned here, as this. I feel as though this world does not want me. I feel as though there is something missing, and sometimes as though I might come apart, but perhaps that thing is merely my body. Or perhaps now that I lack it, I can see that they were right. I am wicked and wrong.” But she was also very powerful. And when she was certain she had the strength for it, she would continue, and she would win. Glancing sidelong at Remmy, she smiled and said, “Don’t trouble yourself about me. And don’t let me keep you from your fun. I can watch just fine.”

“I...don’t know if that’s entirely true, but I am grateful to be...whole, I guess,” Remmy mumbled. They’d already tried to talk to Nadia-- er, Cordelia-- about what it felt like being a ghost, and it sounded even more miserable than being a walking corpse that felt nothing. That remembered nothing of what soft fur or sheets or grass actually felt like. “You were never wicked, Constance,” they said, “and you still don’t have to be. You can move on, you know? Peacefully. Happily.” They let out a long breath and threw the ball again, watching it bounce as Moose chased it down loyally. “I trouble myself about everyone. I just want to make the world a better place, even if it’s just a tiny bit. Even if it’s just making one person feel better, or even just okay.” They picked up the ball once again, “that includes you. And people like you.”

“You don’t know who I was, Remmy,” Constance said. “How can you argue for such a thing when you have no clue? Do you not think me wicked for trying to kill your so-called friend? And I killed many a rat, bargaining with the heavens for small favors. I was desperate, and it was the only power in the world I had, but there are some who believe that it was no kindness or necessity. And those are only the crimes I meant to commit…” There were others, so many others. Constance saw that girl in the classroom with the bleeding head every time the shadows swirled in the corners, how her lifeless eyes had stared... “I was never a gentle person, even when I meant to do good. And I am so beyond happiness and peace, I cannot even make true meaning out of those words.” She sighed. “I am afraid we do not understand each other very well, Remmy. But I think it would have been nice to have known someone like you before.”

“Because I see who you are now,” Remmy answered simply. And it was simple as that. “You’re suffering, Constance. You’re suffering and things could be better if you just...let go of that pain. I know it’s hard...but the people who hurt you have long since died. Morgan isn’t the person who hurt you, she’s not even close.” They let out a long breath, rubbing hands through their hair. “I don’t think you’re wicked, Constance. I never did, even after…” they paused, “...and I guess if Morgan knew that, she’d probably hate me, too, but...I can’t find it in me to feel that way about anyone. Not you, not Lydia…” They tossed the ball, a bit harder this time, “For the longest time, I thought I was wicked, too. That I could never find peace, or happiness, or any of that feel good shit everyone always talks about. But the thing is...I learned it’s never just gonna happen. You have to go and find it.” They picked up the ball once more, and held it out. “Kinda like how Moose finds his ball every time I throw it.”

Constance scrutinized Remmy the whole time they spoke. She had never been able to tell when someone was lying to her before, but she thought if she squinted at their strange face, she might be able to tell for certain so she could stop wondering when this facade might come apart. “Her presence is an insult to my own in a way I don’t believe anyone in this time can understand. There is no sense of collective responsibility, nor legacy, scarcely any duty. But I suppose I shouldn’t be cross over you doing something that would make that ugly cow seethe. I should rejoice, if I had any sense. But you’re wrong, so it is only a bittersweet victory. Although maybe it doesn’t matter. If the heavens opened up and stamped me as a no-good heathen once and for all, I would still refuse to accept what was done to me, what was made of me. I would simply be dragging myself to hell with her. And maybe that will be something like peace, if it comes.” Around them, autumn was losing its grasp to winter, pointing with spindly fingers toward the gray-white horizon, as if something important might materialize from it. “Morgan doesn’t know you’ve been coming to see me, right? I’m a secret not to be shared?” She tried the ball again, and found that she gripped it with ease. She threw it before she could resent summoning the power because of Morgan Beck. But it was as she had said all along, wasn’t it? This was her purpose, no more and no less. “Will you still think such pretty things about me if I succeed? Even if I turn out to be right?” Moose came back with the ball and Constance threw it again, thinking this time on what the world would feel like after she had won. She imagined forgiving the sun for not making her warm, and the moon for casting no shadow on her. She imagined giving Remmy and Blanche one last smile, and saying that it was always meant to be this way, but she was sorry for making them sad. It wasn’t so different from this moment, she realized. And yet it felt so far. She threw the ball again. “Perhaps a better question would be…” She hesitated to speak it, the thought alone seemed blasphemous in its own way, “...what do you propose I do if I am wrong? All of you love to say ‘let go’, as if she were a ball I could throw. And I imagine if I could kill her by picking up her body and throwing it into the sun, I would understand perfectly. If I were to cut her throat, I would certainly let go of her body then. But that isn’t what you mean and I don’t understand how to entertain this fairy story you want me to partake in.”

Remmy thought and pondered quietly. They didn’t truly understand Constance’s line of thinking, but then again, she was from a completely different time. It must’ve been so jarring coming here, to this world of technological advancement and strange machines. “What’d they do to you?” they asked her quietly, after a long silence, in which Moose sat and waited patiently for them to throw it. They were preoccupied, though, and turned fully to face Constance and her fading form. “Well, yeah...if you continue to do bad things that hurt people, I’ll change my mind. But I still think that you’re worth saving and that you can be saved. But you have to let go of your anger. I know you didn’t choose to be here, but you can choose to leave peacefully. Don’t you want that? I want you to realize that revenge isn’t going to make you feel any better. I want you to realize that you deserve something good, Constance,” they muttered, “that’s all.” And they tossed the ball again, this time as far as their strength would let them.

“Which time?” Constance asked, smirking bitterly. “When my family was left to fend for themselves in caves, or when only one family would take me in as a servant because my mother was suspected of being a witch, and scorn was thrown on them for their pity, never mind anything else about me, never mind the power of true magic. How dare a woman fend for herself and bargain with a God that will hear what no human ear will. Or do you mean when that family, when Agnes--” The ball lifted on the power of Constance’s rage. The leaves drummed a skeleton tattoo on the ground. Constance whimpered and tried to calm herself. “I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t talk about it without… I don’t want to become lost and changed, like others say I will. I want to stay myself. I’m sorry.” She concentrated. She tried to remember how breath once soothed her, imagined lungs and veins moving in and out. “I don’t know what something good is. I don’t know if I have the time to find that out. Your Morgan is so determined to destroy me for my supposed crimes…” she shook her head. “I don’t think I was destined to ever find out.” The ball settled and Constance threw it to Moose, further than she had yet, smiling into the distance. After a silence between them she said, “If I were to believe you, if I were to...consider something else, would you help buy me the time it will take to learn?”

Remmy felt their heart sinking again. How were they supposed to have the power to fix something like this? The truth was, they didn’t. All they could offer now was their sympathies. “I’m sorry,” they mumbled, “I...think you would’ve liked it here, in this time. If you’d been able to be here.” They watched the ball rise, the leaves swirl. They winced a little. “It’s okay. Whatever happened, I know it hurt a lot. But…” they looked out and around at the park, “...there’s no one left in this world that deserves the anger you feel. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be angry-- there are things I”m still mad about that happened to me ages ago-- but you just...you can’t keep holding onto it. I wish I had more to offer than that, but that’s all I know how to do. All I know to offer. Is just...help letting go.” They held out their hand to her, knowing that they would not be able to feel it or truly hold it. “I would, yeah,” they said, smiling gently, “of course I would.”

Constance stared ahead, watching the ball come back and throwing it again. Perhaps her star had been crossed and cursed by time. Perhaps in a life in this new world, in Morgan Beck’s world, she would have found someone to suffer with. She didn’t know how to tell Remmy that they should be angry too, that they didn’t have to lay like a corpse and accept the wrongs done to them. They had hands that could grasp and break, feet that could crush, teeth that could tear. They could do so much. So much. But she could not imagine them doing so, even if another of their kind showed them how. She felt a strange pity for the zombie then, a kinship with the starving cats that roamed the streets, innocent and yet so full of potential. She put her hand through theirs, shuddering with longing that she couldn’t hold it. Theirs seemed like a hand that would be gentle, and it had been so long since she had felt that. “Thank you, Remmy,” she said. “And it isn’t much I ask for. I just need you to find Morgan Beck’s stash of exorcism magic and steal it.”

#fetch quest #wr remmy #wr chatzy #wr remmy chatzy

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wouldpollyapprove · 4 years

Text

Prompt List

Before requesting a prompt(s), please look over my rules. In doing so, you will be able to find out who I write for, the different things I write, and what I am not comfortable writing. This not only helps me but it also helps anyone else that requests something.

Rules

Angst/Sad

“How do you destroy a monster without becoming one?”

“I’m afraid you’ll end up seeing me the way I see myself.”

“You think you can control me now? You never could.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“I just want to go somewhere where nobody knows my name.”

“I wanted to scream, I wanted to burst into tears, I wanted to get drunk and kill myself, but all I could do was stare at the wall in silence.”

“Sometimes I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up.”

“I’m trying, all the time, but it’s just too hard.”

“Don’t do this here.”

“What were you thinking? Were you trying to get yourself killed?”

“Why are you lying?”

“You did WHAT?”

“I was going to go back home, but then I remembered that you lived in them too.”

“Is that blood?” “..... No?”

“Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything.”

“I swear, if you say another word, I’ll leave.”

“Nobody’s seen you in days.”

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

“Go. You go and don’t even think about coming back here.”

“(name)! Open the door!”

“You lied to me!”

“You broke my heart.”

“You said that I’d get to have you all weekend. Why can’t you just tell them you can’t go?” “Because it’s my job and it’s important.” “And I’m not?”

“Did you expect him/her to stay? He/She always hated his place, even when he/she was a kid.”

“I thought that if I acted like it didn’t matter, then it wouldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Don’t say that.”

“Stay quiet and don’t move. I’ll be back.”

“You know we all hate you, right?”

No wonder they left, who could love you?”

“He was never mine.”

“I don’t like the idea of you walking down the streets all alone.”

“Have you been drinking? You look terrible.”

“I’m just trying to help you.”

“Why did you do it? Tell me.”

“Don’t you see that I’m trying?”

Fluff

“Don’t say a word, just dance with me.”

“You’re the best thing I never knew I needed.”

“When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”

“I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”

“You make me feel alive, for the first time ever, I feel like I can breathe.”

“I fucking love you.” “Shut up and tell me this when you’re sober.”

“You are being extra sweet today.”

“Stay. Please.”

“I love you, but stop talking.”

“Are you… blushing?”

“Oh, you’re jealous!”

“I just wanted to let you know that I think you're beautiful.”

“Marry me.”

“I’ve got you.”

“I’ve loved you for years.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“You’re cute when you’re half asleep.”

I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re worth the wait.”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”

“It’s too clod! Come back!”

Humor

“Go buy a personality.”

“It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”

“Are you stupid or stupid?”

“Cookies? You’re bribing me with cookies? I mean, they’re good, but not that good.”

“Should I ask why you have a knife in your purse?” It’s a dagger actually. And no, you shouldn’t.”

“You have a chance to do the right thing.” “I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.”

“Try not to say everything that pops into your brain.”

“I cannot believe this is happening.” “Try being me.”

“You could consider the possibility of shutting the hell up.”

“You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

“So, it’s a date?” “Nope. Not a date.”

“It’s because I’m so attractive, isn’t it?” “I say this. And I cannot stress this enough. I find you completely repulsive.”

“Okay, so maybe I didn’t see that coming.”

“He/she is hiding behind the sofa.”

“I’m bulletproof but please don’t shoot me.”

“It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”

“Bite me.”

“Can we please stop running? I think I’m dying.”

“You come here often?” “Well, I work here. So, I think I’d have to say, ‘yes.”

“What happened to your-” “I lost a bet.” “Why?” “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Can you please go be stupid somewhere that’s away from me?”

“What kind of idiot are you?” “The kind that doesn’t like to be called names!”

“I know there was a compliment somewhere in there and I’ll take it.” “You piece of shit.” “Ah, there it is!”

“I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you!” “And I’m trying to subtly avoid it!”

“You have a minute?” “Ya, what’s up?” “I have a problem.” “Well, now you have two.” “How’s that?” “I ain’t interested in your first problem.”

“Damn right I’m pretty.” “I said petty.”

“How long are you guys going to stand around my bed like a bunch of creepers?”

“All I know is, one of us is right, the one is you.”

Where’s your shoe?” “The giant mud puddle down the road demanded a sacrifice.”

“Where are you going?” “Hell, most likely.”

��If being clumsy was a currency, I’d be a bloody billionaire.”

“You look good together. Odd, but good.”

“If you do that again, I’ll throw you out that fucking window you - what are you doing?” “Checking how high the drop is, see if it’s worth it.”

“You gonna eat all that yourself?” “No.” “Can I hav-” “No”

“You’re not my favorite person today.” “I’m not your favorite person on any day.”

Misc.

“Everything here can kill you but I can do it most efficiently.”

“You’re one insult away from starting a war.”

“I assume I deserve this, but can you at least tell me why you want to kill me?”

“I know a liar when I see one because I’m a liar.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress. I’m a damsel doing damage.”

“What happened back there?”

“Do you trust her?” “No... but I trust her anger.”

“Are you sober?” “I’m moderately functional.” “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Why aren’t you dating him?” “Because I’d destroy him.” “He’d be into that.”

“You are all remarkably well behaved tonight. What did you do?”

“Why do people think I’m good at diplomacy? Does no one remember that time I started a war? Or the other time I started a war?”

“Stop pretending it didn’t happen, because guess what? It did.”

“You’d better be quiet if you don’t want to get caught.”

“I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

“How did you even do that?”

Be careful- no man that has gone in there has ever come back alive.” “Good thing I’m not a man.”

“Are you sure I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes.” “What if I just break his nose a little?”

“Y/n isn’t who they say they are. They’re actually a lot more badass.”

“I’m trying my best to be polite, but if you move that knife a centimeter closer to me I will tear you apart.”

“Where are you from?” “Here and there.” “What do you do?” “This and that.” “You ever...?” “Now and then.” “Boy, you’re just full of information.”

“If you tell me again that we can’t do this, I’m going to kick you somewhere you’re not going to enjoy.”

“Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?” “That’s called a threat.” “Damn.”

“I regret nothing.” “Because you don’t remember what you’re supposed to regret.”

“Take another step, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

“Interrupt my reading once more and this book will become a lethal weapon.”

“Skipping out on work again?”

#the peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders imagines #thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby imagines #arthur shelby #arthur shelby imagines #arthur shelby imagine #john shelby #john shelby imagine #john shelby imagines #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby

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nourishing · 3 years

Text

Bishop Berkeley or Mariana of the Universe by Liliana Heker

‘How much longer till Mom comes home?’

It’s the fourth time Mariana has asked that question. The first time, her sister Lucia answered that she’d be back real soon; the second, how the heck was she to know when Mom would be back; the third time, she didn’t answer, she just raised her eyebrows and stared at Mariana. That was when Mariana decided that things weren’t going all that well and that the best thing to do was not to ask any more questions. Anyhow, she asked herself, Why do I want Mom to come back, if I’m here with Lucia . . . ? She corrected herself: Why do I want Mom to come back, if I’m here with my big sister? She blinked, deeply moved by the thought. Big sisters look after little sisters, she told herself as if she were reciting a poem. How lucky to have a big sister. Lucia, with large guardian-angel wings, hovered for a second over Mariana’s head. But in a flash the winged image was replaced by another, one which returned every time their mother left them on their own: Lucia, eyes bulging out of their sockets, hair in a furious tangle, was pointing a gun at her. Sometimes there was no gun. Lucia would pounce on her, trying to rip Mariana’s eyes out with her nails. Or strangle her. The reason was always the same: Lucia had gone mad.

It is a well-known fact that mad people kill normal people, which meant that if Lucia went mad when they were alone together, she’d kill Mariana. That was obvious. Therefore Mariana decides to abandon her good intentions and asks again, for the fourth time, ‘How much longer till Mom comes home?’

Lucia stops reading and sighs. ‘What I’d like to know,’ she says (and Mariana thinks, She said ‘I’d like to know’; does one say ‘I would like to know’ or ‘I should like to know’?) ‘What I’d like to know is why in God’s name do you always need Mom around?’

‘No.’ Now she’ll ask me, ‘No what?’ She always manages to make things difficult. But Lucia says nothing, and Mariana continues, ‘I was just curious, that’s all.’

‘At twelve.’

‘What do you mean, at twelve!’ Mariana cries. ‘But it’s only ten to nine now!’

‘I mean at twelve, six and six,’ Lucia says.

Mariana howls with laughter at the joke; she laughs so hard that for a moment she thinks she’ll die laughing. To tell the truth, she can’t imagine anyone else on earth could be as funny as her sister. She’s the funniest, nicest person in the world, and she’ll never go mad. Why should she go mad, she, who’s so absolutely terrific?

‘Lu,’ she says adoringly, ‘Let’s play something, okay? Let’s, okay?’

‘I’m reading.’

‘Reading what?’

‘Mediocre Man.’

‘Ah.’ I bet now she’ll ask me if I know what mediocre man means, and I won’t know, and she’ll say then, ‘Why do you say “Ah,” you idiot?’ Quickly she asks, ‘Lu, I can’t remember, what does Mediocre Man mean?’

‘The Mediocre Man is the man who has no ideals in life.’

‘Ah.’ This lays her mind at rest, because she certainly has ideals in life. She always imagines herself already grown up, all her problems over, everyone understands her, things turn out fine, and the world is wonderful. That’s having ideals in life.

‘Lu,’ she says, ‘we, I mean, you and I, we’re not mediocre, are we?’

‘A pest,’ Lucia says. ‘That’s what you are.’

‘Lucia, why is it that you’re so unpleasant to everyone, eh?’

‘Listen, Mariana. Do you mind just letting me read in peace?’

‘You’re unpleasant to everyone. That’s terrible, Lucia. You fight with Mom, you fight with Dad. With everyone.’ Mariana lets out a deep sigh. ‘You give your parents nothing but trouble, Lucia.’

‘Mariana, I wish you’d just drop dead, okay?’

‘You’re horrible, Lucia, horrible! You don’t say to anyone that you wish they would drop dead, not to your worst enemy, and certainly not to your own sister.’

‘That’s it, now start to cry, so that afterwards they will scream at me and say that I torture you.’

‘Afterwards? When afterwards? Do you know exactly when Mom will be back?’

‘Just afterwards.’ Lucia has gone back to reading Mediocre Man. ‘Afterwards is afterwards.’ She lifts her eyes and frowns as if she were meditating on something very important. ‘The future, I mean.’

‘What future? You said Mom would be back very soon.’

Lucia shakes her head in resignation and goes back to her book.

‘Yes, of course, she’ll be back very soon.’

‘No. Yes, of course, no. Is she coming back very soon or isn’t she coming back very soon?’

Lucia glares at Mariana; then she seems to remember something and smiles briefly.

‘And anyway what does it matter?’ She shrugs her shoulders.

‘What do you mean, what does it matter? You don’t know what you’re saying, do you? If someone comes home very soon, it means she comes home very soon, doesn’t it?’

‘If someone comes home, yes.’

‘What?’

‘I just said that if someone comes home, then yes. Will you please let me read?’

‘You’re a cow, that’s what you are! What you really want is for Mom never to come home again!’

Lucia closes the book and lays it down on the bed. She sighs.

‘It has nothing to do with my wanting it or not,’ she explains. ‘What I’m saying is that it simply doesn’t matter if Mom is here or there.’

‘What do you mean, there?’

‘Just there; anywhere; it’s all the same.’

‘Why the same?’

Lucia rests her chin on both her hands and stares gravely at Mariana.

‘Listen, Mariana,’ she says. ‘I’ve got something to tell you. Mom doesn’t exist.’

Mariana jumps.

‘Don’t be stupid, okay?’ she says, trying to look calm. ‘You know Mom doesn’t like you saying stupid things like that.’

‘They’re not stupid things. Anyway, who cares what Mom says, if Mom doesn’t exist?’

‘Lu, I’m telling you for the last time: I-don’t-like-you-say-ing-stu-pid-things, okay?’

‘Look, Mariana,’ Lucia says in a tired tone of voice. ‘I’m not making it up; there’s a whole theory about it, a book.’

‘What does it say, the book?’

‘What I just said. That nothing really exists. That we imagine the world.’

‘What do we imagine about the world?’

‘Everything.’

‘You just want to frighten me, Lucia. Books don’t say things like that. What does it say, eh? For real.’

‘I’ve told you a thousand times. The desk, see? There isn’t really a desk there, you just imagine there’s a desk. Understand? You, now, this very minute, imagine that you’re inside a room, sitting on the bed, talking to me, and you imagine that somewhere else, far away, is Mom. That’s why you want Mom to come back. But those places don’t really exist, there is no here or far away. It’s all inside your head. You are imagining it all.’

‘And you?’

‘I what?’

‘There’s you, see?’ Mariana says with sudden joy. ‘You can’t imagine the desk in the same exact place that I imagine it, can you?’

‘You’ve got it all wrong, Mariana sweetheart. You just don’t understand, as usual. It’s not that both of us imagine that the desk is in the same place: it’s that you imagine that both of us imagine that the desk is in the same place.’

‘No, no, no, no. You got it all wrong. Each of us doesn’t imagine things on our own, and one can’t guess what the other is imagining. You talk about what you imagine. I say to you: how many pictures are there in this room? And I say to myself: there are three pictures in this room. And at exactly the same time you tell me that there are three pictures in this room. That means that the three pictures are here, that we see them, not that we imagine them. Because two people can’t imagine the same thing at the same time.’

‘Two can’t, that’s true.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’m saying that two people can’t.’

‘I don’t understand what you’re saying.’

‘I’m saying that you are also imagining me, Mariana.’

‘You’re lying, you’re lying! You’re the biggest liar in the whole world! I hate you, Lucia. Don’t you see? If I’m imagining you, how come you know I’m imagining you?’

‘I don’t know, I don’t anything. You are just making me up, Mariana. You’ve made up a person called Lucia, who’s your sister, and who knows you’ve made her up. That’s all.’

‘No, come on, Lu. Say it’s not true. What about the book?’

‘What book?’

‘The book that talks about all this.’

‘That talks about what?’

‘About things not really existing.’

‘Ah, the book . . . The book is also imagined by you.’

‘That’s a lie, Lucia, a lie! I could never imagine a book like that. I never know about things like that, don’t you understand, Lu? I could never imagine something as complicated as that.’

‘But my poor Mariana, that book is nothing compared to the other things you’ve imagined. Think of History and the Law of Gravity and Maths and all the books ever written in the world and Aspirins and the telegraph and planes. Do you realize what you’ve done?’

‘No, Lucia, no, please. Everyone knows about those things. Look. If I bring a lot of people into this room, and I say when I count up to three, we all point to the radio at the same time, then you’ll see. We’ll all point in the same direction. Let’s play at that, Lu, please, come on; let’s play at pointing at things. Please.’

‘But are you stupid or what? I’m telling you that you are the one who’s imagining all the people in the world.’

‘I don’t believe you. You say that just to frighten me. I can’t imagine all the people in the world. What about Mom? What about Dad?’

‘Them too.’

‘Then I’m all alone, Lu!’

‘Absolutely. All alone.’

‘That’s a lie, that’s a lie! Say that you’re lying! You’re just saying that to frighten me, right? Sure. Because everything’s here. The beds, the desk, the chairs. I can see them, I can touch them if I want to. Say yes, Lu. So that everything’s like before.’

‘But why do you want me to say yes, if anyway it will be you imagining that I am saying yes?’

‘Always me? So there’s no one but me in the world?’

‘Right.’

‘And you?’

‘As I said, you’re imagining me.’

‘I don’t want to imagine any more, Lu. I’m afraid. I’m really frightened, Lu. How much longer till Mom comes home?’

Mariana leans out of the window. Mom, come back soon, she begs. But she no longer knows to whom she’s begging, or why. She shuts her eyes and the world disappears; she opens them, and it appears again. Everything, everything, everything. If she can’t think about her mother, she won’t have a mother any more. And if she can’t think about the sky, the sky . . . And dogs and clouds and God. Too many things to think about all at once, all on her own. And why she, alone? Why she alone in the universe? When you know about it, it’s so difficult. Suddenly she might forget about the sun or her house or Lucia. Or worse, she might remember Lucia, but a mad Lucia coming to kill her with a gun in her hand. And now she realizes at last how dangerous all this is. Because if she can’t stop herself thinking about it, then Lucia will really be like that, crazy, and kill her. And then there won’t be anyone left to imagine all those things. The trees will disappear and the desk and thunderstorms. The colour red will disappear and all the countries in the world. And the blue sky and the sky at night and the sparrows and the lions in Africa and the earth itself and singing songs. And no one will ever know that, once, a girl called Mariana invented a very complicated place to which she gave the name of Universe

#liliana heker #bishop berkeley or mariana of the universe #words #berkeley o mariana del universo

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