#i think it’s a self destruction thing partially? maybe I don’t have the words to describe it because otherwise I’d be laid TOO bare | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

polandspringz · 1 year

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vent//

wrote this in my planner and probably should just keep it to myself but i like the feeling of yelling into the void, bc most ppl won’t click on a vent post but theres the destructive self satisfaction of the belief that maybe someone will- anyway, my normal method of dealing with these feelings is to warp them into a self indulgent fanfic that changes enough about what im thinking so that its not accusatory, but helps me by just getting my thoughts out but gives me an uplifting feeling, a better conclusion to whatever im frustrated about (if you read my designing in devildom fic, the birthday fic from last year was an example of that) anyway, if you see any weirdly flowery phrases in this vent (to whoever is actually reading this, hello) its sort of my way to also practice my writing, because i cannot write or think without a voice telling me i’m on a stage and need to tell someone or have someone listen, and there it is again

anyway for the third time, that’s sort of what this vent is about- the core of it really. im just a college student whose very lonely near the end of her week in the dorms. ive been very frustrated as of late because i tried to get out a competition project my professor suggested i do but i wasnt forceful enough and now theyre doubling down on me doing it; its weird because last year this time around i was lunging at every possible opportunity, but now i don’t want anything to do with it. so i’ve been anxious about that all day. i also start work tomorrow as an assistant to said professor, and that’s also stressing me out partially. i cried during a class w/ another professor bc i was just so stressed and overthinking my lack of creativity, but, well, you know the word that’s coming next. anyway-

anyway anyway, back to being lonely. it’s been a feeling thats been building up since the pandemic, and i know everyone experienced it to some extent, and outside of the pandemic, everyone experiences it to some extent as they get older. HS friends part ways as college happens, but its still distressing. for me, first one friend went away, then it was two. granted, i had already been feeling the 2nd friendship fray, so that one hasn’t been that painful, but it’s been the successive ones in recent months. one of my friends get medicine for their focus, and i hate to say this, but they’ve become a boring person. they don’t have time to watch things anymore, all they do is work, work, work. the one thing we had started to really bond over, anime, they now have no time for. and it gets tiring staring back at days and weeks of unanswered messages even when you’re only sending them something funny you know they would appreciate

and its that same sort of feeling for the other friendships that ive been feeling stressed about. i know that other ppl get burnt out too and im supposed to respect people’s need to space, i understand that, and it’s because i understand that that i keep feeling guilty over being upset. i want to stress to the imaginary audience that its not just one message goes unanswered and i get upset, its days of it. when it goes from someone you used to talk to 24/7 to nothing, it can be shocking, and this pattern has been happening to me for a while. in a way, i suppose i do have trauma associated with it (little t trauma for clarification) because i had a friend in middle school that I drifted apart from mid high school because we were at separate schools, and they stopped talking to me slowly until something happened when we tried to hang out that really upset me, and i got mad about it but didn’t communicate it well and then we barely spoke again. i don’t like internalizing these feelings, but i don’t know how to bring these things up without berating myself for not respecting people’s space and then i continue to spiral. but anyway, i got off track again-

with my other friendships, its the same sort of thing. one of the reasons i question whether im neurodivergent or not is because in the past few years i have felt myself being overly conscious of social situations. i think about maintaining eye contact as i do it, i tell myself to nod and smile and react to things people say. i realized at sometime in hs that i needed to be more equivalent exchange about things with my friends, and i hate feeling like this but its almost like a tally system in my head- for everything i ask my friends to watch i try and watch or do something for them to even out the friendship, because otherwise i feel like im too overwhelming, i need to restrain myself because otherwise they’ll get annoyed that everything’s always about ME, and i don’t want my friends to dislike me, i want them to be my friends, so it really hurts me when ive been putting in a lot of mental work to try and “be a good friend” so i don’t upset ppl and then i don’t receive that back or at least not in the exchange i expected; i.e. we watch a show you like, now we watch one i like, i give you a gift, you give me a gift back eventually (does not need to be physical gift, some acknowledgement, some thank you, etc.) i mention shows in particular since im normally recommending anime to ppl frequently, and i know it probably doesn’t show bc it seems like i recommend everything i watch that i like, but i really do think a lot about whether a show has something in it my friends would like- even if its not their normal genre, i see there’s something in it, a dynamic, the artwork, something, and there was a time where it felt like ppl were almost making a joke out of telling me No everytime i tried to recommend them something, like it was funny to shut me down like that, but luckily i have moved past that feeling

but anyway, right now im just lonely. tired of seeing my own messages staring back at me. i want replies to my messages, but then i feel guilty, that its not deserved, because there are times where i dont reply to those that were also sent. its that equivalent exchange thing again, where i cant be mad because even though i am experiencing this x amount of times, i did the same thing y amount of times, so i shouldnt be mad because it’s normal. but im just lonely. i dont really have friends on campus yet, not any true friends that im not desperately trying to appear normal around (the way i try and act SO normal around my roommate is insane). the people that i do know on campus always forget to make plans when they say we should. the clubs i try to join end up giving me more anxiety than fun. i eat alone in the dining hall, i walk alone to class among the groups of friends. i have eaten two meals with other people on campus by plan/coincidence since september. it hit me today that registration for the fall and housing would be beginning soon, and i had the realization that i don’t know what one of my friend’s, one of the few that are still in state, will be doing after they finish up there work at their current college and need to transfer somewhere. they will probably be going to join my other two friends out of state. its not my life so it’s not my decision to have a part in, and i didnt feel bitter when i realized that they probably wont be joining me at my school since registration is so soon, but i did feel sad. i dreamt about another hs friend last night who i have long since lost contact with. i don’t know what im going to be doing when i get out of school

random other vent to end on, but i cant stop thinking about stickers. ive been internalizing this as well, but going back to the gift giving thing, ive been very frustrated bc someone offered to buy me stickers for my birthday last month, so i sent them a list. they asked for my list again, forgetting that i had already gave it to them. i resent it. days went by and nothing, i knew they were forgetting, but it was too awkward to bring up, and i felt selfish and awful for keeping track of it in my head. eventually, i had an impulse purchase want, and they said they would buy that for me instead. i was torn, bc while i wanted the new item, i was upset that they had forgotten again about the stickers. i really had wanted them, and i wasnt able to buy them myself because the shipping was expensive, but for a birthday gift i reasoned that it would be acceptable since it was only a few items. i decided on the trade off of the new item, thinking the person would remember it better. they forgot. then a video game came out and i really wanted it but i was betting on either saving up for it when my job started, or i wouldve used the gift cards my mom gets as rewards for shopping in an app to pay for it since she always gives the rewards to me. but bc the person hadnt gotten me a gift yet and other ppl knew about it, my mom basically told them to buy me the video game and so i got that. so now i feel like im not allowed to be mad about the stickers. but the thing that made it worse was the whole time while i was waiting for the stickers/ them to read my list in the first few days, they were buying stickers for themselves. and they were showing them to me. and i couldnt help but think how i wanted them. and it still hurts, like i hate how i still feel bitter when they show me their stickers, because all i can think about is how i didnt get what i wanted, and it makes me feel like a selfish, ungrateful person. it didnt help that it was coupled by another person forgetting about me around the same time, another thing im too scared to bring up irl because i know that nothing good can come of it! there’s no way to tell someone something like this without sounding selfish and like you’re whining, i hate it, and i hate it because i should be happy now and leave it in the past, but i cant

#poland's thoughts

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slasherbaby · 3 years

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Frank Morrison Kinky Alphabet!

Super NSFT! Read under the cut ♡

𝓐 is for After-Care

‣ If he’s subbing, Frank’ll act like he doesn’t need after-care. He’ll probably snap at whoever suggests it, baring his teeth like something feral. What he needs is for his anger to be ignored- force him into cuddling, make him drink water, kiss him and tell him he’s a good boy. He’ll fight it at first, but it won’t take long for him to completely melt. If he doesn’t get after-care, he won’t say anything out right, but he’ll feel like shit.

𝓑 is for Bruises

‣ If he’s in a relationship, he’ll wear the bruises he gets like badges of honor. If he’s just hooking up and someone starts to mark his neck, he’ll growl at them to not leave any marks. Not because he cares in particular, it’s more of a way to keep some type of control. Whether or not he’s actually with someone, though, he loves to leave bruises. Especially if he’s roughly sucking love bites into their neck or shoulders.

𝓒 is for Choking

‣ If you ask him to, he’ll choke you. He loves the power rush it gives him, how you’re completely willing to trust and surrender to him- not just your body, but your life as well. He nearly loves it as much as he loves being choked. Partially because of his self-destructive nature, but also because of the lack of control, and the relief that comes with getting it taken away from him. Either way, he’s down.

𝓓 is for Dirty Talk

‣ Frank’s less focused on having a way with words and more focused on having a way with his tongue, if you know what I mean. He swears like a sailor, though, and it only gets enhanced in the bedroom.

𝓔 is for Eating Out

‣ Put this man on his knees, his happy place is between someone’s legs. Just don’t expect to come away without bite marks and bruises on your thighs, cause you’re gonna get them. If you wanna eat him out? He’ll 100% let you, but he’ll definitely be surprised about it. He’s not used to his partners wanting to take care of him, so if you do, just be prepared for him to come in a literal second.

𝓖 is for Gagging

‣ He wouldn’t like being gagged, or being forced to be quiet in general. It’s different if it’s him and his partner being sneaky, where they both have to stifle themselves so they don’t get caught fucking in a place they shouldn’t be. But if it’s just him? No thanks.

𝓗 is for Hair-Pulling

‣ Pulling hair is okay with him, if it’s something his partner is into. If it’s just a hookup, he’ll get snippy if someone tries to pull at his hair. Instead of giving in and letting it happen, it’s the fastest way for him to start a battle for dominance.

𝓚 is for Knife Play

‣ Yes with a capital Y! Whether it’s you using the blade on him, or him using it on you, he loves knife play. One of his favorite things is to ride his partner nice and slow, but still be completely in control. How, you might ask? With his knife up to their throat, of course. Not hard enough to draw blood, just enough to be a warning. If they try to grab his hips and make him move faster, they might even get a little cut as a warning to behave.

𝓛 is for Lingerie

‣ If you wanna get all dressed up for him, that’s cool. He might make a few comments, but don’t expect much of a reaction. It’s not that he’s unappreciative, he just loves your body. That’s not gonna change much just cause you threw on some lace. Frank dressing in lingerie, however, is a completely different story. If you bring it up first, he’ll act super hesitant about it, maybe even throwing an insult or two your way, mocking you for thinking he’d be into it. But eventually he’ll ‘come around’ and agree to it, despite secretly wanting to all along. He’ll get all dolled up for you, most likely wearing it under his regular clothes like a secret, and waiting until you guys are alone before casually showing off his lace panties. If you laugh at him, or don’t have as big of a reaction as he hoped, it’ll be the last time he wears it for you. Frank’s looking for validation that you want him, he wants you to be pleased just by looking at how pretty he made himself for you. Bonus points if you shove him up against a wall and beg to have him right then and there.

𝓜 is for Masks

‣ Oh buddy, you got a mask kink? He’ll fulfill it, no problem. If you also wanna wear a mask? Even better.

𝓝 is for Neko

‣ If you come to him dressed up with little cat ears and a tail, he’ll definitely have a bit of a laugh. He’s not into it, but he is into seeing you act all submissive, so he might just give it a go. If you ask him to dress up like that, he’ll get super flustered. You just might be able to wrangle him into wearing it, but don’t expect him to be super thrilled about it.

𝓟 is for Phone-Sex

‣ He wouldn’t be into it, especially when he could just go over and see you in person.

𝓠 is for Quickie

‣ Most of the sex that Frank’s had has been quickies, so he’s not a ‘I need a bed for sex’ type of guy. Wherever works for him, especially if it's fast and dirty and leaves him limping afterwards.

𝓢 is for Switching

‣ Frank is the biggest switch in the world, but he also has a tiny bit of a preference for bottoming, though it would take him a lot to admit it. Expect him to push you down and ride you until you see stars. He won’t relent until he gets what he wants- you coming so deep inside him he’ll feel it for days. If not that’s not something you’ve talked about doing with him before, he won’t ask for it outright. But if you bring up fucking him, or if you bring up wanting to use a strap on him, he’ll immediately jump at the chance.

𝓣 is for Toys

‣ Besides a vibe, Frank doesn’t have any toys he’d use on a partner. The vibe is little and discreet, something that he can have at his disposal whenever and wherever he wants to fuck his partner. If he can’t make someone come without some help, he has no shame in bringing it out and pressing it up against the person he’s fucking.

𝓥 is for Voyeur

‣ Frank’s more exhibitionistic than voyeuristic. If he’s only allowed to watch, he’ll just get impatient and bratty.

𝓧 is for X-Frame

‣ While sex furniture sounds like it could be fun, Frank doesn’t have a place where he could store it. If tying/being typed up is his partner’s shtick, he’s more than happy to oblige. Just with less ‘proper’ means of doing it.

𝓨 is for Yes Sir

‣ Being called by titles/names in bed isn’t his thing. Especially not ‘daddy’ stuff. If you ask him, he’ll probably just get defensive and make fun of you for asking. Alternatively, Frank loves being complimented. Call him a good boy and you’ll get to see him melt. It’ll spur him on if you tell him how amazing he feels, or how good he’s doing for you.

𝓩 is for Zelophilia

‣ Don’t make him jealous, it will just end up with him feeling like shit and getting angry. If someone flirts with you in front of him, he might even try to throw hands with them. But if you flirt with someone else, he’ll just get angry and insecure before storming out.

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spectral-apparitions · 2 years

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may i kindly ask for djss, neon j and eve (you can possibly add more characters into this, or could just choose one of them) calming down their s/o who's having an 'angry rampage'. (e.g so angry that they can't keep it in anymore, you can also dwell on different types of 'angry rampage', throwing things to ranting, to crying out of frustration.) i just wanna see how'd they calm them down + this month has been tough for me after a bunch of events that made me angry,, take your time <3 - 💛🌻

DJSS: Just picks you up and then holds you tightly (unless you’ve expressed that you don’t want this). He holds onto you until you start to settle down or if you push away/express wanting to be let go. If you’re around other people or in a stressful environment, he takes you somewhere more alone and peaceful.

If you’re okay with being touched, he keeps his hands on you, partially holding you and rubbing your back.

He first asks you to explain what’s upsetting you, unless he already has an idea of what it is. He shushes you whenever you start to work yourself up again. He listens as best he can.

As soon as you’re not talking, he’s responding to everything you’ve said. It’s a mix of validating your feelings, giving you advice about the situation, and giving you support.

Once you’ve settled down a little bit, he offers you something to get your mind off of it. Maybe you need to drink something warm and watch something calming to soothe yourself? Or would you rather turn up some music and play a game to expend your energy?

Neon J: Calls your name until he has your attention, then instructs you to take a few breaths. He tries to guide you out of being destructive “I know you’re angry, but doing this isn’t helping.” Takes your hands to stop you from hurting yourself or anything around you.

He finds somewhere you can be alone, and just stays with you for a moment, asking you to keep breathing. He tries to find something soft like a pillow that you can squeeze, or something you can fidget with. If nothing else, he lets you squeeze his hands.

Once he can get you out of your highest point of emotion, he lets you know that you can vent or cry. He asks you if you’d rather be alone or if he stay with you. Although if you want to be alone, he still checks on you every few minutes to make sure you’re not getting too worked up again.

Afterwards he gets you something comforting to drink and rubs your back. He offers to hold you for a while or to do something calming. And if you want, he’ll give you advice on handling your problem once you’ve calmed down enough to think about it.

Eve: She gets you a safe space to let it out - scream, rant, whatever. For more destructive tendencies, she tries to give you something soft to beat up, or if she doesn’t have a good space, even creates a space with her power so there’s nothing breakable around you.

If you’re self destructive, she carefully takes your hands - delicately enough to not startle you, but firmly enough that you won’t writhe. She can’t let you hurt yourself.

At first she lets you get some of your emotions out. Then she helps you calm down. If you’re okay with touch, she takes your hands and squeezes them, and will let you squeeze back. She’ll give you a long, tight hug.

She hums to you, hoping the sound calms you down. She occasionally murmurs little words of comfort to you. She also gets you to focus, to stop thinking about what’s angering you. She repeats your name until she has your attention, then coaxes you into breathing slow and deep with her.

Once you’ve settled down, she offers to talk about it with you.

#💛🌻 anon #writing #imagines #no straight roads #no straight roads x reader #eve no straight roads #neon j #dj subatomic supernova #dj subatomic supernova x reader #neon j x reader #eve x reader #pspsps 💛🌻 I went back and added your other asks to your tag

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bitea-sweetea-roseytocin · 3 years

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Ooo hi I saw you take requests? I have a writing request if you want to :))

So here is my idea:

Remus has a notebook given to him by the other sides to write his thoughts down in. See, Remus has clear impulse control problems so this notebook of for him to write his thoughts down instead of just doing and saying whatever comes to mind. It gives him a chance to think about it. Sometimes, maybe like once a week give or take a few days one of the other sides will sit down with him and read his thoughts with him just to make him feel validated and heard. Well this particular time one of the sides (of your choice) sat down with the notebook and found some rather interesting things.

Now, you can take this one of two ways (it’s really all up to you!)- You can make this something angsty (hurt comfort), or you can make it something shippy! It can be any Remus ship you want but I personally am more partial to intrulogical hehe 💙💚

Take your time and have fun with it!! Have a good day :)

Ah! Ty for the request! I started writing it on the day you submitted it, but Tumblr deleted it after a while of not saving :') so now my motivation to do this is deterred

Anyway, this'll be my first time not writing something Roman centric =w=""

Remus held the book in his hands. He remembered the day Roman gave it to him, when he risked traveling into the dark scape because he knew his brother needed this. Because he did, too.

An outlet.

A place for his monstrosities to be, other than inside his head, allowed to torture him to their best abilities. The illusions his mind creates are no longer just in his eyes. It's no longer insanity- it's creativity. The journal isn't the first one. But he and Roman make sure to keep eachother stocked up; they get filled rather quickly. The Imagination holds an entire library dedicated to their filled journals from over the years.

The journals have also become sort of diaries to them. So, imagine what were to happen if one of them got lost? The possibility of their secrets being seen by unbidden eyes.

Remus burst into Roman's room, "Ro!"

Roman jumped from his spot at his desk, "Jeez- ! What is it?"

Oddly, for Remus, he seemed almost anxious, "Have you seen my latest journal?"

Ah, that explains it. Roman understands the severity of losing something that holds your private thoughts. He stood up from his desk chair, turning to face Remus better, "No, I haven't. Is it missing?"

Remus nodded, unable to speak through the panic coursing through his veins, the hormone mixing with the feeling of the plasma we call blood rushing through veins and arteries, rest in his heart, which is thumping with vigor, the- Remus shook himself. The imagery coming on its own with nothing to do with it, "Thoughts, thoughts thoughts, thoughts, blood, where? Everywhere? It is me, I am thoughts and blood and gore and death and slime, and..."

Roman pulled his brother in, the physical touch of his second half grounding him, finally balanced out with his brother there to help him.

"Breathe, Ree...I get it...I'll help you look for it, okay? Do you have any spare journals?"

Remus shook his head. He had just started this one, he was too busy brainstorming on the pages to remember to restock.

"Okay, do you have the focus to conjur any, right now?"

Remus shook his head again. No no, of course not! He's too focused on the one that's missing!

"Alright, that's okay, Ree. I get it. Here, use this for now," As Roman spoke, he pressed a plain black book in the unstable man's hands, "Get some thoughts out on that, then we can start looking, okay?"

Instead of answering, he made the rest of the way into the prince's room and started letting the thoughts out.

"Feel better?"

Remus let out a breath and nodded, "A lot, thanks. Can we go look, now?"

"Of course, let's go."

It took hours. The sun was gone in Thomas' living room and they were still tearing the place apart, searching absolutely everywhere. Remus was tempted to just dismantle the mind palace and look through the stuff that gets left behind. The fear was boiling in his gut in the ocean of acid.

"What if we don't find it? My blood, sweat, and tears went into that book! Pieces of my heart are in there, I can't lose it, what if someone else finds it and reads it?"

Roman shuddered, because he didn't believe that Remus was being metaphorical, "I understand the severity of the situation, Ree. We should go look in the Lightside, now..."

Remus shrugged as much as his slumped posture will allow, "Sure..."

"We'll find it, Ree..."

"That's not what I'm worried about. If I lose it? Fine, I have others, I can start a new one. I'm scared of someone else finding it and reading it... there's things in there I don't want others seeing..."

"I get it, you know I do. We'll get it back before anyone else can even know it exists, alright?"

Remus just shrugged off his comforting hand, "Stupid prince, always making promises you don't even know if you can keep. Don't do that to yourself and don't do it to me. I'm not stupid enough to fall for that shit."

Roman recoiled, almost physically, "Sometime, people just need reassurance."

"And then, when you're wrong? I know you don't like breaking promises, Princey."

"...Then hopefully we'll figure it out."

"You're such a fucking optimist, it's gross."

Roman rolled his eyes, "I'm helping you look, be nice, you doofus."

"Oh wow, "doofus", I'm so offended," Remus said without much effort.

Roman ignored him.

"It's not HERE!" Remus screamed, a pot crashing through the wall.

Roman manged to muffle the noise and quickly put it back together, "We will, this was only the first room in the Lightside. You need to calm down."

"I can't! What if someone else already found it and read it? What if they hate me? What if they never wanna talk to me again because nothing in there makes sense, what-"

Roman caught his hands, "Woah! Woah...Remus, when did you start caring so much about what the others think of you?"

"I don't!"

"But...-"

"I don't care about what Logan and the other think of me."

"Of what...Logan and the...? Remus...is this about Logan?"

Remus hesitated just long enough.

"Oh great Aphrodite, it is..."

"Aphro-? NO! No, I don't!"

"Remus, is there something about Logan on that book?"

Remus said fuck it in his mind and sighed, "Yes... I...some fantasies...that he might not approve of..."

"Oh, Remus..."

"What if he finds out, and he...? He just doesn't...?"

Roman hit his brother on the head, "This is why you're a doofus. It doesn't matter if he finds it, you have nothing to worry about."

Remus rolled his eyes. Literally. He rolled them like dice and Roman had to look away, but got the message.

"How would you know?"

It was Roman's turn to roll his eyes (PROPERLY).

"I'm leaving you to figure that out. But, I do."

"Sure. Whatever. Asshole."

Roman moved on to look in the next room.

A flash of green leaped onto him and he was tumbling over, the item in his hands flying out.

"Remus!"

The man scrambled over and snatched the book up, "Did you read it?"

"I- no, Remus what is it?"

"It's mine. Roman, I found it!"

Roman? Since when do those two talk? But, as Remus said, Roman walked in.

"Oh, thank Hades."

"Logan had it."

Roman sucked in a breath, "Did he read it?"

Remus shook his head, relief is a weird expression on the man's face.

Logan wouldn't mind seeing it more.

"What is this about?"

Roman took the liberty of answering, "The book is Remus' and it's private. Reading it would be invasive."

"Oh, my apologies, then. But, I had just picked it up, it was left over from Remus' running through the room and into the Imagination, along with some other debris I cleaned up."

"It's alright, nerd."

Logan's gaze lingered on Remus a bit, before he bid his farewells, reminded Roman of some work he needs to do by Friday, then left.

"Y'know," Roman said as they turned to walk back, "You could tell him how you feel."

Remus scoffed, "I'm not self destructive, like you, RoRo."

Ignoring Remus' jabs is difficult for the prince, nevertheless, "And do, pray tell, how it's self destructive?"

"Because he'll say no and that will hurt. I don't like when things actually hurt. I'm not risking him hating me even more."

"Woah, woah, he doesn't hate you."

"Doesn't he? I'm chaotic, irrational, vile, ik everything he fights to keep under control."

Roman digested this and thought hard on how best to explain this, "But that's exactly why you two are perfect for each other. You help him let loose when he's being a stick in the mud and he helps you keep in control of yourself and stay organized.

"You're delusional. He doesn't like me, he can't Ro. It goes against our very beings! Go ahead and fool yourself, but you can't do that to me. That's just cruel." Remus disappeared and Roman sighed as he tried to brush off his brother's words.

As the embodiment of romance, he thinks he'd know when a couple will work out or not. How will he convince his brother and Logan of that? He supposes he can't blame them for that, who would listen to the love advice of someone who loves someone that loves someone else? Kinda hypocritical.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Remus! Would calm down? Just listen to me!"

"No! You're a liar and I hate you! Do you want me to get hurt? You're an asshole you good for nothing prince!" He screamed. Why won't his brother let this go? Doesn't he see that everyone is better this way?

"Fine! You're right! Is that what you want to hear? Call me an asshole, call me stupid, call me evil or whatever! But I'm not wrong! Why don't you believe me? Ha! Why am I trying to reason with the self proclaimed unreasonable?"

Remus looked down from his perch on the guillotine, "Wait, RoRo-!" But he was gone.

"Fuck."

He rushed out, hoping to Loki that he didn't do too much damage.

"Roman!"

But he found who he wants looking for.

"Why are you screaming in the middle of the common room?" Came that cool and sexy voice.

"Looking for my brother, duh."

"Funny, I just spoke to him."

"Where'd he go?"

"Not sure, but he told me to stop being a robotic fake and confess to you."

"He- ? ROMAN!" Remus summoned a hammer and maybe there's a new hole in the wall.

"He was right, surprisingly."

Remus was not expecting that, "Come again?"

"I have noticed, over the course of our interactions, that I have developed feelings that I didn't recognized until Roman brought them to my attention. Remus...I have romantic feelings for you."

And it was the last casual and calculated confession Remus ever heard. He imagined something with ropes. But it was the best thing he ever heard. He didn't expect to be crying.

"Remus?"

"I like you, too..."

Logan brightened and stood up, his heart beating unnaturally, yet pleasently, as he moved closer, "Then... perhaps we...?"

But before he could finish, Remus pulled him in and there was no need for words.

Part 2 with what happened with Roman afterwards?

Ty so much for the request and I apologies for the long wait.

@fireflyjunkie

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whatifyoulivelikethat · 3 years

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mango, m | jjk | 2

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: A love story between bad boy Jeon Jungkook and a strange girl with mango eating obsession.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; mentions of parental abuse and suicide; suggestive words/actions; alcohol consumption; mentions of nightmares plaguing the reader; non-idol!AU - university!AU; badboy!Jungkook x sociallyawkward!reader, ft bestfriend!Hoseok and friendly!Namjoon

Your head leaned against the wall of the library. Too many books around you, research paper already outlined for you seminar class. That was good. You only needed a partial outline next week and you would finish tweaking the outline tomorrow. You phone was open beside your papers, screen blaring at you.

Jungkook’s text, asking where you were. Your reply.

Library.

No further information. A guy like that probably never stepped foot in a library his entire life.

You closed your eyes. Placed your arms over your papers, sighing softly. You were in one of the study rooms in the upper floors of the library, where all the scientific journals were.

Why had you given him your phone number like that?

Self-destruction.

You turned your head the other way, eyeballs shifting under your closed lids.

Guys like that only cause self-destruction.

Your thumb ran over your glossy nails. You wondered if he would be mad at you for associating yourself with someone who looked dangerous and wild. Maybe he would tell you it was a bad idea. Maybe he could make you see reason. All you had to do was call him and ask for his opinion.

I’m sorry, Hoseok.

You ran your other thumb over the nails on your other hand. The little stickers caused raised bumps, but none of them had peeled off yet. You pressed your thumb down on one of them. At least he was still there, with you in this way.

A soft blackness swallowed you up, taking you into deep slumber.

Then, a coated sweetness pressed against your lips. A familiar taste. You opened your mouth and the thin, flat piece of dried fruit slid partway in. Your teeth stopped it. Spun it slowly with your tongue. Then it went into your mouth. Chewed.

Opened your eyes.

Jeon Jungkook, standing over you.

Holding a pack of dried mango. Eating a piece, his straight white teeth gnawing at it. Pink lips closing around the orange fruit. The mole under his lip danced with movement. His brown eyes were darker due to the harsh fluorescent overhead light. Tan skin glowing, black hair slicked back with too much gel, revealing his clean undercut. Leather blazer over a low-cut black t-shirt. Black jeans. Black backpack far too deflated to be holding much.

“Don’t know how you eat this stuff,” Jungkook said absentmindedly. He sat down on the chair next to you. Scooted closer. You could smell his cologne. Something sharp, but clean. “It’s not bad, but I couldn’t eat packs and packs of it like you.”

You lifted your head. “Habit.”

He nodded. “I noticed you do it whenever I talk to you.”

You chewed slowly.

“I don’t talk to people.”

“Hmm.”

He looked you over. Black turtleneck. Maroon oversized hoodie. Black flared miniskirt. Black opaque tights. Black boots with a ten-centimeter platform.

“What do you do for fun?”

You reached over and stuck your hand into the pack of dried mango. Picked a piece and placed it in your mouth. Sat back in your chair as you chewed on it.

“I don’t have fun.”

Jungkook sucked his teeth. It seemed like he was trying to unstick some candied fruit from them. “You seem like the creative type though. Moody and artistic.”

You shifted your eyes, staring into the bookshelves. “Creation is meaningless without an audience.”

Jungkook scratched his nose. “Maybe you just don’t want anyone to know what you’re thinking.”

You stopped chewing.

You turned your head to face Jungkook. He frowned at the packet of dried mango and placed it on the desk, sliding it to you. Then he noticed you staring at him. His lips curved into a slow, sly smile.

“You doing anything tonight?”

You didn’t go to parties.

Never. In your entire life. Not even a birthday party. You didn’t have birthday parties yourself either.

You only remembered beatings on your birthday.

You stood at the edge of the lawn, looking up at the large house. Too many people. Too much drinking. Too much danger. You reached into the center pocket of your maroon hoodie, pulling out a piece of dried mango. Slowly placing it in between your teeth. Spinning it. A couple was making out on the porch, pressed against the wall. Sucking the dried mango in your mouth. On the other side of the porch, a girl was slapping another guy and tossing the contents of a red plastic cup at him.

Chewed.

You shouldn’t have come. This wasn’t where you belonged.

A strong hand gripped your upper left arm. Familiar fingers. Long, strong ones, with small tattoos.

“How long you been standing out here?”

Alcohol on his breath.

“How much mango you consumed in that time?”

You held out an empty cellophane bag.

“Wow. Impressive.”

You chewed. The fingers let you go. They danced up your shoulder.

“You don’t seem to be bothered when I touch you.”

You swallowed.

“That’s because it’s obvious what you want.”

Jeon Jungkook chuckled. Deep and amused.

“But talking bothers you?”

You exhaled. Took out another piece.

“Words, intentional or not, leave everlasting scars far longer than a meaningless fuck.”

You placed it in between your teeth.

“Do you think it will be meaningless?” His voice was low, treacherous.

You paused. His fingertips balanced on the shoulder of your hoodie. A gust was wind made your black skirt flutter against your thighs. You felt nothing. Not cold, not hot. Nothing but those fingertips balanced on your shoulder. You sucked in the piece of mango and chewed. You could walk away. Not provoke him anymore and not try to walk through that fire.

You could back away and continue on your tightrope, high above.

But if you were already standing on this street, in front of this house, didn’t that mean your feet were already on the asphalt? Weren’t you already on the ground, wandering down that lost highway?

“There is no meaning in the arms of a stranger.”

You reached for your hoodie pocket again but his fingers wrapped around yours. Stopping you. Pulling you to him. Face shining in the moonlight, brows furrowed as he looked down at your face. Thick silver chain glinting at his throat. Dark hair slicked back but falling apart due to the events of the night. Eyes like the dark side of the moon.

He leaned down.

You could feel his breath against yours. Alcoholic, but somehow not unpleasant. It mixed with his sharp, clean cologne and the leather of his jacket. You saw his eyes flicker. He was really staring deeply into your eyes. He was as handsome as everyone said he was. You tilted your head at him.

Guys like him were always looking for a target. A puzzle to solve. The harder and more difficult it was, the better the thrill. That’s how it was and that’s how Jeon Jungkook was. So, you stood there. Waiting for him to do it.

Thing was, Jungkook wasn’t doing anything.

He finally backed off; expression unreadable. You pulled your hand out of his.

“Let’s go on a walk. I have to sober up.”

You looked from the house to him. He cocked his head. You two began to walk, stepping into the moonlight. Not touching each other, but walking side by side. The silence was deafening. He wasn’t speaking to you. Not even looking at you. You placed your earbuds into your ear and put on some violin music.

“What are you listening to?”

You jumped, surprised he noticed. Jungkook tilted his head at you. You handed him one of the Samsung buds. He placed it in his ear, tucking his hair back. Profile illuminated by the moon, nodded slowly at he listened.

And then you two walked, serenaded by violins.

Jungkook texted you and showed up in the library again. You were in the middle of writing your seminar research paper. To be honest, he was a welcome distraction. The scientific articles were giving you a headache.

He handed you a piece of dried mango before speaking.

“Let’s date.”

You blinked at him. Jungkook grabbed a seat and sat down, taking out a slice himself. You placed the piece of dried mango in your mouth and chewed slowly. He watched you the entire time, chewing with you, staring at your lips. You swallowed, sighing.

"Jungkook, you don't want to date me."

He nibbled at another piece of dried mango. "Pretty sure I do."

You took in a deep breath, feeling the annoyance rise in your chest. "Your body is the literal reincarnation of Adonis himself and you radiate bad boy vibes like nobody's business. You would ruin your image by dating the strange girl with a dried mango obsession."

Jungkook chewed slowly. "That's the first time your tone has changed with me."

You froze, realizing that too. Realizing that, for once, you were actually irate instead of being objective or apathetic about it. You were not making an ambiguous comment or philosophizing humanity. You were just stating what you were thinking straight up.

"And, anyway, you're the literal reincarnation of sex goddess Aphrodite herself, so there should be no problem if you're worried about looks."

"That's not..." You cut yourself off, not bothering to correct him. "You can barely see my body."

Jungkook's eyes traveled down to your legs. Your black pantyhose-covered legs, with your short red skirt and black hoodie. He reached out and grabbed your hand. You tried to pull away, but his grip was like iron.

"True, your skin is always covered," he mumbled.

Then Jungkook pressed your hand into his crotch.

Your eyes widened, feeling his semi-hard length in his jeans. He let go of your hand and you recoiled as if burned. Did he really just–?

He gnawed thoughtfully. "And yet every time I hear your voice, that happens to me."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Sexual attraction is not a solid foundation to a relationship."

"It's not," Jungkook agreed, grabbing another piece of dried mango. Then his eyes flickered to you, dark and serious. "I just didn't like how you dismissed my physical attraction to you so easily." He went back to nibbling.

You looked away; ears hot. "In the end, all you want is to boast that you fucked me."

"That was my original intent, yes." You snapped your head back, furrowing your brows. Jungkook inspected the dried fruit, licking some sugar off. Your stomach flipped a little as you watched his pink tongue. "But now I want to take you on dates, hold your hand, and make you eat real meals that aren't only composed of candied mango."

You looked down at your lap. "I'm not a hand-holding kind of girl."

"Then I'll hold your ass."

A muscle in your eyebrow twitched. You glared at him, but he was smiling, popping the mango in his mouth.

"One date. And then we'll see how it goes."

You closed your eyes. Inhaled deeply. You could say no. You could refuse and tell him to leave you alone and never speak to him again. You could and maybe you should. Because once he knew... he would know. You chewed on your lip. Fear was an understatement. And you were afraid because you knew the truth. If there was a flame between you two, the truth would likely snuff it out.

Was that better or worse than you smothering it yourself?

"Before we go on a date," you said quietly but firmly. "I need to show you something."

“Okay. What is it that you have to show me?”

You were standing in Jeon Jungkook’s apartment. Different day, different clothes. He was wearing a loose leather jacket, white shirt, and distressed acid-wash jeans. He stuck his hands in his pockets. Black hair slicked back as usual, sculpted dark brows framing intense brown eyes. Even though he was dressed like a delinquent, his apartment was well-kept and clean. It was one of the student apartment complexes, decently expensive, segregated for men and women. Not that it mattered, since you were obviously standing there right now.

You were wearing your black turtleneck and flared black miniskirt. But instead of your usual opaque pantyhose, you were wearing black thigh-high socks. They made you very uncomfortable and not because Jungkook was staring at the sliver of exposed flesh. To be honest, you couldn’t care less if he was staring or not.

You chewed on you lip, clutching your messenger bag.

You really wondered if you should show Jungkook. Your thumb ran over your nails. Painted royal blue with raindrop crystals. You asked Hoseok to do them for you this time. He was excited to pick a design and style for you. Asked you what it was for and you said you just felt like it.

Hoseok was very happy to hear that.

Jungkook seemed to sense your unease.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently. “Do you want a piece of man–”

You shook your head furiously. Just do it. Do it and maybe he’ll leave you alone. Do it and he’ll understand this is a bad, bad idea.

You took a deep breath and bent at the waist. Then you yanked down both your thigh-highs, all the way to your ankles.

Jungkook gasped sharply.

You stared down at your legs. At the knife scars, mostly on your calves. Some white and thin, but there were a few big dark ones, knotted and twisted from the skin trying to grow back evenly but failing. Your legs were quite pale too. They never saw the sun.

You hated looking at them. They reminded you of why you had nightmares.

“What… happened?”

You didn’t look at him. His normally smooth, suave voice was trembling. Confused.

You sucked in your lips and clicked your tongue.

“My father was not a nice man. I was an only daughter and he was not happy about it. Perhaps he was never happy about life to begin with. He reminded my mother and me about it constantly.” You straightened, still not looking at Jungkook, but no longer wanting to look at yourself either. “He beat us up a lot. At the time, I really thought that was how it was. Men lost their temper sometimes. Happens. What else am I supposed to think?” You shrugged. “But it was always slapping around, the occasional punch. Not that bad, perhaps.”

You had to remember to breathe. Breathe.

“But when I was twelve, thirteen, it got worse. I don’t know if it was because my mom was slowly fighting back or if work became more stressful and he acted out, but the reason doesn’t matter. He simply got worse. Things thrown at us. Years of insults made them cut deeper, harder. He pulled a knife on me, when I was home alone and my mom was at work.”

You had to swallow hard, trying not to go back there. Trying not to get too detailed, because the nightmares already did that for you. You pulled up your sleeves. There were a few unpleasant scars there too, but nowhere near as bad to your legs.

“Anyway,” you continued. “I think he thought I was bleeding out or dead. My mom, feeling that something was off, decided to come home early. I don’t think I would be alive if she hadn’t thought to do that.” You inhaled deeply, pausing for a moment before continuing. “My father took his car and drove to the other side of town. Drove to a deserted area and ended his own life with the knife he cut me up with. I don’t know if it was guilt or fear of being exposed. But it doesn’t matter. I went to the hospital and stayed there for a long, long time. Not because of the cuts or almost bleeding out, but because I had to talk to a lot of psychologists. A lot of counselors.”

You reached into your bag and pulled out the pack of dried mango. “My mom would buy me these. She couldn’t visit often. She had to sell the house and work overseas to pay all the medical bills. Maybe she has a hard time seeing me too.”

You chewed on your lip, shoving it back into your bag.

“I look more like my father, unfortunately. And, even though I understand what has happened to me, I can’t escape it. I see it every day in the mirror. I am reminded all the time. I can’t talk to people unless I’m eating dried mango. It’s a stupid tick, but my therapist told me once that it was better than cocaine, so, whatever, right?”

You chuckled darkly, feeling empty.

“And I have nightmares. They don’t go away. When I take medication, it gets worse, so I don’t try anymore.”

You kept your eyes on the wall, still not looking at him.

“You’re handsome, Jungkook. Handsome, decently smart, could clean up well,” you said, still gnawing on your lip. “I’m not pretty like the other girls you hang around with. I don’t get to wear what I want because I don’t want to be asked what is wrong with my skin. Sometimes, I wake up screaming, remembering everything that happened that night. I eat way too much dried mango and speak like a fucking robot.” You closed your eyes and sucked in a shuddering breath. “I spend a lot of time trying to not feel anything. I’m not okay. You shouldn’t date someone like me.”

Silence.

Ten seconds past.

Then, the creak of leather. You suddenly felt his presence right in front of you. Strong arms wrapped around you, holding you tight. The sharp, clean scent of his cologne, the thinness of the white shirt revealing his toned torso. Well, the reaction wasn’t disgust. Maybe it was pity and that was worse. You did not want a pity fuck.

“At the risk of something insensitive,” Jungkook murmured quietly into your hair. “Your battle scars are really fucking cool.”

… What?

You laughed.

You laughed, because, what? That wasn’t a reaction you expected. Your laugh was raspy and kind of gross, considering you hadn’t laughed like that in years. But you laughed into Jungkook’s chest, laughed because it was ridiculous, laughed because it was a little insensitive, laughed because you didn’t care. No one who knew about your scars ever said anything like that. Everyone else was very serious and solemn, pity in their eyes as you explained.

Jungkook buried his face into your hair. You could feel his smile.

“Your laugh is cute.”

You wheezed, shaking your head a little. “It isn’t. I didn’t even know I could laugh,” you choked out weakly, breathless.

You felt him kiss the top of your head. You froze, a shiver running through you.

“You know,” Jungkook murmured. “I was really nervous in the library when I was asking you out.”

You didn’t reply. Couldn’t breathe, really.

“I found myself continuously eating that mango. I think you rubbed off on me.”

You remembered. And then you realized.

“You only ate one piece though,” he muttered. “It made me even more nervous, honestly. I just kept eating to keep my mind off it.”

Was this… was this the first time you had an entire conversation with Jeon Jungkook without eating mango at one point?

The only person you weren’t like that with was Hoseok, and that was because he was your oldest friend. The only friend who knew it all, who witnessed your bruises and tear-stained cheeks. The only friend who saw you in hospital gowns and did his best to cheer you up. Drawing pictures with you, making bracelets. Telling you that it was going to be okay, that he was going to be your daily dose of sunshine, your hope, never getting discouraged. There weren’t romantic feelings between you two, but there was love, and you were eternally grateful that Hoseok never gave up on you.

Jeon Jungkook?

He was just the annoying kid who kept trying to copy your Chemistry homework.

“You’re… not that bad at Chemistry, are you?”

Jungkook chuckled. “Nah. I always do the homework. I just wanted to annoy you.”

“You are, indeed, very annoying.”

You two stood there, Jungkook hugging you, your thigh-highs at your ankles, clutching your bag. To be honest, you thought it would have been a lot weirder. But somehow, it was kind of nice. You were okay with it.

“Where do you want to go on our date?” Jungkook suddenly piped up.

You spoke into his chest. “We’re still going on a date?”

He hugged you tighter. “Yeah, of course.”

You were pressed against his body, held so close that your ribs felt like they were being crushed.

“Jungkook.”

“Hm?”

“Something is poking me.”

“… Please ignore him. He doesn’t know time and place.”

A few silent seconds passed.

“I mean, maybe you needed some reassurance that I still think you’re fine as hell.”

“He’s getting bigger.”

“I told you to ignore him.”

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook fanfic

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harbouredsoulss · 3 years

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Let’s Talk About Love - Part 1

Author’s note: It’s me again, writing about our lover Angel! I seriously need to put some Ez fics up but I cannot stop myself. I was listening to ‘All The Stars’ by Kendrick Lamar, and SZA when this came to me and I just knew it had to be about Angel. I was inspired more so the beginning of the song, rather than by the entire thing. Specifically, “Love, let's talk about love. Is it anything and everything you hoped for? Or do the feeling haunt you?”

If it isn’t too much trouble please make sure to Like, Reblog or even comment! It would be greatly appreciated. I am so happy with all the love Is There Somewhere has received! I appreciate each and every one of you, who has liked & reblogged!! 💖

Part two is here!!!

Also if you want to be notified for when I post, I am more than happy to create a tag list, just let me know! 🙌🏻

Angel Reyes X [OC]

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 1.1k words.

Summary: The idea of love haunts Angel Reyes. He doesn’t know how to commit himself to it. So he sticks to what he knows and does what he does best and he uses his best friend to do that. But the thing is, she’s madly in love with him and Angel being the most clueless man in the world, has no idea.

There was always an elephant in the room and it was colossal, yet there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was dance around the fact that I was deeply in love with a man that did not feel the same.

I often watched him, mainly from the corner of my eye, always longing to be his; owned by him, body and soul.

He stood before me now, distress clearly evident on his face. Both hands clasped on either side of the door frame, eyes signalling that he wanted to come in. To relieve himself of whatever it was that was eating him up inside.

Angel always came to me like this. I was the one he could come to for relief – release. Perhaps I allowed this to go on for too long. Letting him arrive with all those insecurities, those fears, and let him dump them at my doorstep. But I knew, as well as he did that, I would never stop him.

My heart was close to bursting at the seams with the amount of love I carried for this man. I want to continue to take this, and accept it as enough. I was desperate to. Yet I don’t think I could last realistically, for much longer.

“Angel.” I answered the door, voice breathless. My confidence waned, resolve breaking as I glimpsed his crumpled face looking at the ground, eyes refusing to meet mine.

Angel was selfish. He knew this, and he hated that about himself. Hated that he found himself at my doorstep every night, seeking solace the only way he knew how.

“Can I come inside?”

All it took was a brief nod and he was in, a faint smell of gasoline, mixed with a faint musk that I knew was my favourite aftershave of his. After shutting the door, I turned to face him, finding his gaze still avoiding mine.

“Do you want something to drink? Eat?” I offered, already knowing the answer.

“No. Thanks. I just came here to… to talk.”

Talk? That was a surprise. It seemed these past couple months, to me, Angel didn’t know what that was. I couldn’t help but let out a bitter chuckle. Talk! Angel Reyes wanted to talk.

“Okay,” I sighed, arms crossing my chest, “go ahead.”

His gaze finally met mine, widening slightly as they took in my appearance. I was partially clothed. My panties were on, covered by a large oversized hoodie – his hoodie, that ended just above my knees.

“I-I’m not good with this shit but I-I just wanted you to know that I see it.” An unfamiliar feeling coursed through my body. I couldn’t tell where this was going. See it? See what?

“I see what I do to you. What this,” he gestured between the two of us, “does to you.”

“I come over, every night without fail and you let me inside, to your home – your body. But I can’t do this. I can’t hurt you like this anymore. I see it querida, I see your face when I leave. I want you, so fucking much – always but not like this.”

Confusion, shock, and frustration were some of the feelings that bubbled inside. I couldn’t understand where this was coming from. I agreed with everything he said, but I couldn’t quite help but let the anger rise. I was Angry that he was the one making this decision. That he thought he was doing it for me, when it was obvious that what I felt - how I felt, was not what this was about.

“Angel, where is this coming from?” I couldn’t help but keep the exasperated tone out of my voice. This man was infuriating.

“Me. I have eyes; I can see you. You’re fucking miserable and it’s all because of me.”

Shaking my head, I had to bite back a laugh. What a sick and twisted joke this was. Here the love of my life stands before me, ripping me in two. When not too long ago I was considering doing the same thing. Ending us, albeit begrudgingly.

All the while he is thinking that he’s helping. Giving me whatever it is he thinks I desire. At least, that’s what he’s deluded himself into thinking.

“Angel,” I started, frustration close to boiling point, “maybe instead of assuming, maybe having a conversation would have been productive. Work out what I am feeling. Actually asking me! Instead, you just decided you knew.” I threw my head back groaning, gripping the roots of my hair. I was seething with the audacity of this man. The man I am so desperately in love with.

“Angel,” I started again, voice cracking as I tried my hardest not to cry. I could not cry, “I am so fucking in love with you it hurts. That’s what you see when you leave every night. You see shame. Shame of what I feel because I know you don’t feel the same. I want you just as badly, but our wants are two different things. You want my body. I want your body and soul.”

I couldn’t say any more. I had to stop. It pained me too much to continue. But I had to. I had to let it pour out.

“I just wish that maybe we could have had some kind of conversation. But you always jump onto something, whether it be a thing or a thought and you don’t think to consider anything else. If you thought you were hurting me, why did you continue? Why did you keep coming by if you knew what this was doing to me? Why not speak to me earlier?

He was so self-destructive, and I tried to lessen the hurt but I had had enough. He needed to know what his actions, and words does to people and that there are consequences.

I could tell I had shattered him; I could see it with his shaky intake of breath. The words stung. His hands were in his front jean pockets, his face impassive as he stared at me. Though he wasn’t really looking at me; his mind was at work here. I tried to reach out to him, take his hand in mine. I wanted to plead to him, and beg him to stay and to tell him I loved him. That he should forget what he said – what I said. But as soon as I reached out, he took a step to the side, knocking into the coffee table.

“Uh you know what,” he responded, all emotion devoid from his voice, “this was obviously a mistake. I have to go.”

“Angel wait, come on, we have to talk about this.” You can’t just say this shit and leave, I wanted to scream.

“Angel, please.”

But he ignored my pleas.

His steps did not falter as he left me standing there, staring at the front door now hanging open. I rushed towards it, watching as he backed his motorcycle out of the drive and sped off into the night, leaving my heart shattered into pieces.

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bg3kagha · 2 years

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what’s up guys/gals/nonbinary pals, I’m back with another horrible little Red Dead ship for you:

I think Kieran and Molly should fuck.

No really, I think it would be very interesting if they hooked up.

They’re from very different backgrounds, with very different life experiences and personalities, wherein she clearly has a higher social status than him, but they occupy the same LOW position/status within the camp hierarchy, and that’s a very interesting dynamic.

Plus, as the game goes on, Dutch is less and less interested in showing Molly basic respect and attention, so whatever her position in camp is is fundamentally on a decline.

There’s that scene where Kieran gives her a hand out of the carriage when they arrive at Shady Belle (iirc?) and like, how much kindness does she receive from people/men, at this point? The girls try to include her, and I think one of the women calls her “actually a nice girl”, but she does seem somewhat isolated/ostracised from the rest of the group, as a whole.

Partially that’s her own fault, because she can be snobby and elitist: and I bet she’d look down her “pretty little nose” at Kieran just the same. The difference is that Kieran probably wouldn’t be a threat to her - he’d probably be kind to her, I don’t know why he wouldn’t be and he seems generally to be the kind sort, and like I said: he does not have the kind of position required to be a threat to her.

And there is something interesting in Kieran having a bit more of a level footing with her - Kieran’s surely lonely, and he seems keen to approach people and try and build connections with people (he’s NOT this stammering, retreating mess... which one of you spread that idea of him because we’re going to have words), and Molly is - likewise - not really a threat to him, either.

So Molly and Kieran, both desperately lonely and desperate for kindness and some positive attention, and also both completely ostracised from any meaningful role in camp otherwise, should fuck.

Perhaps she’s just so lonely and sexually frustrated (and, maybe, maybe, depending on how far things would get pushed, how self-destructive she felt like being... maybe she’s also so very spiteful and angry) and she’s so hurt and persistent about picking at her wounds, that she reaches out for someone safe. Kieran can’t hurt her, Kieran wouldn’t. But maybe sleeping with an O’Driscoll would hurt Dutch in a way that she otherwise can’t.

And also maybe there’s an element of self-sabotage here, of sleeping with the enemy, of lowering herself to sleeping with Kieran Duffy, of all people.

Although with that said: I do think Kieran could probably clean up nicely - under the mottled skin and tired eyes and scraggly beard, he does look a lot like his actor, who is not an unattractive fellow. He has a nice smile. Plus he’s probably got strong hands because of his working with the horses. So maybe he makes her feel safe, and warm, and wanted... who knows..

Plus, there’s something about Kieran that screams submissive and breedable and I think he’d do very well being used by a pretty, rather haughty, and deeply frustrated higher class gal. And by God, he’d be a trier.

Also there’s something delightful about Kieran making Dutch’s girl cum when I guarantee Dutch does not eat her out EVER.

#molly o'shea #kieran duffy #rdr #kieran x molly fic tag

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4lph4kidz · 2 years

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oh yeah you’re new here huh. anyway i’m flattered that you ask but i absolutely will not be able to provide you a concise or coherent reply here. i have too many thoughts. and i can’t be objective about this character, despite Wanting to be analytical. i’m emotionally invested in a way that surely clouds my judgement. anyway. rambling under the cut.

look. there are just so many things that drive me completely fucking nuts about dirk specifically - his thematic substance and narrative role / utilisation, the way his portrayal reflects HS’s ideas about masculinity and toxic masculinity and sexuality (wowww dirk is just so masculine and rational and doesnt use labels, not like the other silly effeminite and emotional gays), the way he embodies the relationship between creator and creation.. the meta stuff, the philosophical stuff, postmodernist themes, the weighty existentialism, the moral quandaries, the ocean imagery, the isolation... there’s whole a lot for me to dig into, analytically speaking, a whole range of ideas i personally find compelling all packaged up in one extremely fucking weird boy. a boy who i like on the surface/story level, also. i think his brand of dry humour is funny, he’s a fun combo of rose and dave’s personalities, and i like his rapport with his friends, despite their conflicts and communication problems - he has some genuinely sweet moments. he’s pretty badass, which is cool. he’s also kind of incredibly fucking tragic. assigned self destructive @ skaia. i can’t read him as anything but tragic, same as any of the alphas, which is why i love them. they’re all fatally flawed, but i feel for them, and would like them to overcome those flaws.

i was going to get into the ways the character is flawed / morally gray / a problematic fave but i really ran out of steam and don’t feel like trying to recreate the d*rkscourse that happens in my brain on a weekly basis. just know i think the ways he is flawed and the question of responsibility wrt his splinters and the harm they cause is also absolutely fascinating, and i’m willing to indulge some critical takes on the character because i like to punish myself for enjoying things i think seeing what this guy is like at his worst is sort of... integral to what i perceive to be the core of the character? the tension between his worse traits / selves and what i see as fundamentally good aspirations... essentially big-brother-style protectiveness, warped by a less than healthy attitude / shitty ideals wrt to heroism and masculinity, as well as communication issues partially related to a commitment to self-aggrandising and insincere cooldude posturing. i think as a defence mechanism if the breakdown on the roof is anything to go by. i’m not sure if i’m correct in that read, but it’s what made sense to me. i’m going to re-read soon though, maybe this will change?

like... essentially, in homestuck proper - he’s not a villain but he really, really could be. he is, if you want to look at hal that way. the things dirk thinks are heroic (masculine/stoic/powerful/martyrdom) ideals are very much being deconstructed by homestuck as a work, that’s more what dave’s arc is about but it goes for dirk too. those ideas, especially as handled by “villainboy diva” prince dirk, are in some ways flawed and harmful and could be putting him into villain territory if he takes them too far... idk. the tension between dirk’s multiple selves embodying his worse qualities, vs his own genuine desire to do good, do better, despite what he comes to perceive as his own totally innate and inescapable flaws... ugh, maybe i’m just also a self absorbed and mentally ill piece of shit, but jesus christ that is fascinating to me? like... it’s really hard for me to not connect some of my own personal feelings and struggles to that conflict, even if the circumstances are Obviously not even remotely similar and i don’t want to project :/ (i totally do though)

well. that was a lot of words. have fun trying to make sense of this, i guess

#replies #my friends call this mindset the washing machine #i am stuck in it #dirkposting #sighhh what am i talking about

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hanazou · 3 years

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Hi! Could I ask for Dazai, Ranpo, Kunikida/Atsushi with an s/o who frequently picks their skin/scabs/scalp. My psychologist, mom, and I are pretty confident that I have ASD, and it's a relatively common stim. This can also happen with ADHD, OCD, and anxiety disorders -- I'm not sure if this suggestion is too centered around a reader’s identity! (Also, it's not intentional self-harm; it relieves stress and boredom, but just happens to cause damage :/ If you're uncomfortable, I understand) Thx! <3

dazai, ranpo, and atsushi and a lover who constantly picks skin/scalp/scab.

📜 Books : Dazai | Ranpo | Atsushi

📜 Word count : 2.3k

📜 Shelf : Paperback

📜 Category : Headcanons

📜 Genre : Fluff, with a tiny hint of angst with Dazai and Atsushi

📜 Caution : Vague mentions of disorders and insecurities

📜 Note : Don't worry, @my-introvert-hideout! I'm not uncomfortable nor is this too specific. In fact, I had so much fun writing this! I chose Atsushi (because I kin him I resonate with him better), I hope this does your suggestion justice. I apologize if any of these is inaccurate.

Enjoy your books! 💛

Dazai Osamu

He's an ex Port Mafia executive and currently employed as a detective. Never doubt that he'll catch on your habit the first time you display it around him. But only when things are official between you two will he take an action about it.

With his background and quick wits, Dazai knows a lot about the quirks people can have, where they came from, and why they do it. By judging from your expression and slights of movements, he knows that it's caused by your certain conditions and nothing like deliberately inflicting pain on yourself. After all, he's well accustomed to self harm itself too, and he doesn't see it in you, not that way.

Dazai's understanding on your habit will be more personal rather than analytical--because of his self destructive tendencies. He can relate to you in this aspect, but whether this is a bad or good news is completely up to your personal interpretation.

Only after things become official between you both that he steps his feet into ‘that’ zone, deciding now he has the right to interfere. He's the type of guy that perceives intervening with issues like this requires a special established relation with you beforehand, if not, who is he to say anything?

Dazai doesn't mind that you never took the initiative to tell him first, what matters that is he knows and he has for long. He'll take his chance of intervention when you start picking yourself again, but only when it's just the two of you around. If you're with the other ADA members or within a crowd, he'll just figure out something to distract you and do it subtly.

The private moment will come sooner than you think. With a swift move that escaped your eyes, he has taken your hand hostage. "Nuh-uh," He cooed. "You're prone to injure your pretty skin."

His direct words will push you off guard. You'll notice that he knows about your quirk, maybe get a little shy from not realizing that he knows if you're the shy type of person.

Dazai is a clingy guy and even more so as a boyfriend, your habit will only give him a legitimate reason to hold your hand wherever you two go. Your hands will sweat from constantly holding his. He will definitely use it as an advantage to tease you too.

"I have to go to the bathroom, can I trust your hand or do I have to keep holding it?"

You will literally throw his hand away. "What th—Go by yourself."

Dazai has loads of tricks up his sleeve, and combined with his knowledge, he knows more than one or two or three methods to help you. Whether they are effective or not depends entirely on you and your condition. Sometimes his tricks are so subtle that you didn't even realize until you think back about it.

Assuming you're thinking of seeking help from experts, Dazai will be totally with the idea. "I can feel your earnest effort for this, I'm glad for you."

He'll take you to your appointments and wait for you, and sometimes walk you back home, which is also another trick to ditch work and piss Kunikida off. Two birds with one stone, right? :)

Expect him to shower you with loving words after every session. Maybe it will even make you feel corny. But truth be told, he'll deeply ponder about your condition, you, and himself. He's well aware of his nihilism and ponders whether the words he said are genuine or just part of the new personality he adopted when he left Port Mafia that sometimes run on autopilot.

(aka he suspects he's not being totally earnest with his sweetness)

If it's the latter, the corny lovey dovey words will double as an effort to help you and himself. Don't blame Dazai too much, he has trouble differentiating between what’s good and bad (as what was said by my man Oda), but at least he's trying hard for your sake.

When you show some progress, he will be so expressive in praising you. His self doubt or whatever it is, that can wait. His darling comes first.

Dazai will give a hug or two and other romantic stuffs like that even if you're in public. He's a tease and you know you love it. If you especially get embarrassed about it, he'll try to fluster you even more. Is it to distract you or himself? Nobody knows.

Edogawa Ranpo

This Yokohama's best detective is well versed in a lot of things, psychological conditions included. If you have any condition at all, it doesn't take him long at all to understand it. Nothing escapes his pretty green eyes.

Ranpo's approach will be the opposite of Dazai. His will be more analytical rather than emotional or personal.

In the scenario where you don't feel too confident about your condition, you might be constantly worrying Ranpo will make a blunt comment about it. But trust me, you don't have to worry anything about it with this guy. He’s straightforward, but he’s not rude.

Even if Ranpo hasn't had any personal experiences of feeling/witnessing this sort of thing firsthand, you can count on him to be knowledgeable about it, although his words won't be exactly delicate. He knows that some people have problems if it's addressed boldly and he knows where the line for him lays.

Ranpo is the type of guy to think that if you never told him about it, then that's your decision and it's nothing to make a fuss about/make complaints for, but he's not going to pretend he doesn't notice. He doesn’t hold back his tongue.

He will treat this situation slightly akin to a case for him to solve. Why? Because first of all, he’s your boyfriend. Who else is better fitted to take care of you and analyze the root cause? Second, because of that personal attachment with you, he will feel the obligation to step in.

When nobody is in the agency office since they don't slack off like him, he'll stretch back against his chair, hands behind his back, and call out your name who stayed behind to assist and babysit him.

"Won't you hurt yourself if you keep doing that?" He asks, his sharp eyes closed. Blunt questions are his signature. You will instantly freeze, only realizing that you were going off with your habit.

You won't feel the need to explain it, because you know that he knows, and he knows that you know he knows (do I make sense? this sounds like that one Dazai and Fyodor meme)

"If you want, I know some ways to help and I'm acquainted with some experts." He says easily, stuffing his mouth with chips. After he swallows, only then his green eyes opens. "You're hurting yourself, you know that?"

I'm not going to sugar-coat his personality. If you want heartfelt, supportive, and warm words, talk to Kenji or Yosano because you won't hear it from Ranpo. But the brighter side is that Ranpo is a very good listener and offers practical suggestions that you know are fool-proof. With each word you vent to him, the more methods spring up in his head to help. Lucky of you to have him!

If you agree to seek professional help or his own, he's a different kind of romantic than Dazai who knows how to swoon you off your feet. Ranpo’s praise won’t be like Dazai’s (since receiving conventional praises is his thing), but he'll say something rather indirect like "Good for you. Nobody knows what's best for you other than yourself, not even me."

After your sessions are over for the day, Ranpo will gift you his favourite snacks. Chips, cookies, ice creams, jellies, sodas. Do you know how lucky you are if Ranpo gives you his favourite snacks? Mostly it's because he's not confident in sweet talks so he's hoping that you'll get the gist of what he's trying to do.

Heck, he'll even wait for you (partially because he doesn't know how to go home by himself, but that's not the point) quietly without whining that it's taking too long. To occupy himself, sometimes he'll bring some papers of the cases Fukuzawa gave him and solve interesting cases. But when you emerge from the door, everything is forgotten and his attention is fully back to you.

"Oh, you're finally finished!" He springs back up to his feet, arms expanded.

I encourage you to tell him about your sessions. He'll compliment you in his own ways believe me.

"My super deduction concludes that you did well." He says as you pop out the popsicle he gave, a cheeky grin on his face. Oh, you one lucky fella.

On the way back to the agency, presumably on a train, if you're getting better, Ranpo will definitely smile cheekily to himself, prideful of you and him.

"I'm always right, after all." He says. "What do you think, aren't I such a great boyfriend and detective? You're lucky to have this combination all for yourself!"

Damn right you are.

Nakajima Atsushi

This will be slightly lengthy.

In terms of discovering this quirk of yours, Atsushi's approach will be different than Dazai and Ranpo's. If anyone is insecure about this one aspect in your relationship, it will be Atsushi.

Let's be frank, Atsushi's abused background didn't let him know much about the world, disorders/special needs included. We're talking about the boy whose first idea of survival was to jump on strangers. He was thrown into the real world without any experience and minimum social skills, it's almost impossible he immediately clicks on the reason behind your habit.

Despite so, Atsushi will notice it, weretiger senses used or not. Growing up abused, he was forced to notice the microexpression changes on people’s face and their quirks/habits as a defense mechanism in case he earns someone's ire (remember about the infiltration mission with Akutagawa on Rats of the House of the Dead when he said he can hear when someone’s mind snaps). Even though he believes you will never pose a harm to him ever, he couldn't help but to overthink every single little thing you do. He just can’t help it.

Constantly picking your scalp/scab/skin makes him free fall to the assumption that you're anxious around him since he knows that people sometimes fidget when they feel unsafe. At first, he thought that you're nervous around him. Is it because he's a weretiger? Because you don't trust him? Because you think of him as a hindrance?

This sweet boy thinks a lot about you. You basically live in his head rent free, and ever since he noticed your habit, you will quickly climb up the ranks of things-Atsushi-overthinks.

He will address you about his insecure thoughts after they're brewed aka rotted his brain long enough

When you're picking your skin, Atsushi will call your name softly as he fidgets. "Are you, maybe, uncomfortable around me?"

The confusion you will feel. "What?"

The conversation will spin around how and why that thought even popped out, and because of mutual confusion, it will take a while until you're like "OH. That's why."

You will have to explain it but he's not that dense as to he'll keep asking "Huh?" As I mentioned, anxiety is his old friend. He understands very well the constant need of having to pick to ground yourself and alleviate the intruding thoughts.

He will apologise for assuming things himself, maybe overreact a little, blaming himself for thinking things are about him when it’s actually about you, and he will be very tender about it. After all that, he will do everything in his power to help with your condition.

Atsushi will keep your hands busy by holding it before you start picking yourself, gently, but firmly. He will use his heightened senses to pick on the signs before you pick your skin/scalp/scab and try to distract you by doing anything.

Remember that one scene of his entrance test where he panics, not knowing what to say to Tanizaki? yeah he will be like that.

"AAH! Look! A cat!"

Then Atsushi will get more creative. He will not hesitate to spend the money from his cute wallet to buy lotion/moisturiser for your skin that smells so good (thank you for your help to guide him pick it, Kyouka), hoping it will help you. Maybe he'll get you gloves to match his own (matching couple things are never outdated). You won't pick on your fingers that way.

If you ever want to talk about your condition, please, share it with him. I insist. He insists. It's a win-win solution for both of you. His faith that you truly treasure and believe in him will harden (helps with his self esteem), and you get to throw off the load burdening you down.

He also feels it's his responsibility, part of that is because of his Headmaster's words, but mostly because he treasures you that much. If he caught you picking again, he'll become super worried and so guilt ridden.

If you decide to seek professional help, he will be 100% supportive. I won't sugar-coat again—Atsushi will detect his disappointment at himself for not being enough to help you on his own, but at the same time he's also realistic. He knows that he doesn't have what it takes by himself.

His Headmaster's words will echo again, again, and again. "You failed to help your own lover? Have this orphanage taught you nothing—have I not taught you anything? Will you ever amount to any good?"

He will fight it back harder than usual because now, it's about you. He can't afford to fail you, especially you. If you do talk about your condition to him, it will calm him down by a lot.

In short, your condition impacts Atsushi more that you ever thought. Please support each other.

📜; like what you read? visit my bookshop!

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peaceoutofthepieces · 3 years

Note

“Stay the night. Please” for pynch? <333

decided to make this an angsty post-trk, pre-epilogue fic, and I’m hoping it doesn’t feel too out of date and you still enjoy ❤️

12. “Stay the night. Please.”

Monmouth felt quiet, even though it was as full as it got. They’d all silently agreed to return to the building together, despite Maura asking them to come back to Fox Way where she could watch over them. Blue had seemed to consider it, but the rest of them were more used to taking care of themselves and each other. She’d seemed to want to go where Gansey went much more, and Gansey wanted to go home.

They all went where Gansey went. It was an even stronger desire now than before.

It might have been the silence that made it feel empty. Gansey and Blue were curled on Gansey’s bed, Blue still clinging tightly to his hand, with Cheng sprawled at their feet. Adam didn’t think he’d ever seen Henry so subdued. It shouldn’t have seemed like the strangest thing about today.

That felt like Ronan, sat at the opposite side of the couch from Adam, as silent and still as he had been that day in the car when grief overcame him, the restlessness tucked down deep and only visible in the depths of his eyes.

Adam had hoped for his presence to offer some quiet comfort, then. Now he was staring at the bruises on Ronan’s neck with fear clogging his own throat.

Maybe it was that they could feel the lack of Noah’s presence in the place he’d so long occupied. His complete absence sucked out a pocket of sound they hadn’t known was ever present and left Adam’s good ear ringing. His limbs felt dead without Cabeswater tickling his veins. The unexpected grief was overwhelming.

He couldn’t imagine how it felt to Ronan.

The only thing overpowering the hurt was the relief. Having Gansey with them felt like a blessing they hadn’t thought to pray for, despite all the warnings they’d had. Just as Blue hadn’t managed to peel away from him, Ronan hadn’t taken his eyes off of him once. Adam understood. He was also waiting for the farce to wear off, for the trick to reveal itself and strip what they had left away from them. They were all supposed to come home, and half of them almost hadn’t.

Half of them, Adam couldn’t stop thinking. Noah, and Gansey, and Ronan, whose life Adam could still feel slipping away beneath his hands. Squeezed out of him by his hands.

Perhaps the building felt so quiet, so still, because Adam’s insides were such a riot that the outside seemed behind glass.

It made Gansey’s interruption startling loud. “This is unusually somber,” he said lightly. They all only watched him. He gave Blue a careful jostle. “Since when have you let me quiet you, Jane?”

Blue cuddled against him and squeezed his hand tightly, and Adam felt a pang of longing as his gaze shot back to Ronan. Ronan’s leg had started jingling. “Enjoy it while it lasts,” Blue said, aiming for teasing and landing on tired. “I don’t care how annoying you are today.”

Cheng patted Gansey’s leg, and even his grin seemed to fall flat. “Free pass, Gansey-boy. You’re a lucky man.”

Ronan’s jaw twitched, his usual explosive anger bubbling, ready to destroy to avoid self-destruction. Adam’s hand made an aborted movement towards him that he hoped no one caught.

“Lynch,” Gansey said, painfully gentle. “Help me out. You’re not the quiet type.”

Adam watched Ronan bristle as Cheng snorted, which was admittedly a bold move. “Ah yes, surely Lynch has a way with words.”

It should have earned some very particular words, but instead Ronan stared at them in his stubborn silence, then lurched to his feet and into his room. The door swallowed him with a bang, and Adam jumped in his seat.

Gansey was already edging off his bed, but the movement was sluggish, and he didn’t seem too excited to shake off Blue’s reluctant grip. Adam didn’t pause to think before rising. He told himself he was doing the right thing as Gansey met his gaze and seemed to relax.

I’ve got him, he tried to communicate; though he hardly believed it himself. But Gansey smiled, and his gaze held that unbearable fondness it usually did, and he nodded. A bubble of courage popped in Adam’s chest and left him striding after Ronan.

He didn’t knock, partially because he didn’t want to talk to Ronan through a door with their friends watching and mostly because he knew Ronan wouldn’t answer. He nudged his way in quietly, shutting the door with a click instead of a slam. The only indication that Ronan heard him was a half turn of his head. He was sitting on the far side of his bed with his back to Adam, gently ruffling Chainsaw’s feathers.

Adam lingered by the door, and they remained in a stalemate.

Then Ronan said, “You just come to gawk, Parrish?”

Adam could have teased back, should have, knew it was the best opening for him to take—the only one Ronan would offer. Instead he heard the scratch and scrape of Ronan’s raw tone and blurted, “I’m sorry.”

It was so quiet he wasn’t sure Ronan would hear him, but he whirled around fully and looked at Adam. Adam was surprised to see his defenses dropped down. The lingering panic was visible in him, and he swept his gaze over Adam quickly, as if suddenly needing to make sure he was still in one piece. Then he met Adam’s eyes and shook his head.

“Don’t,” he murmured. He held his hand out; it drooped after a moment as Adam hesitated. Ronan’s previous panic slipped into sadness, and Adam went to him.

Then: the relief.

Ronan latched onto Adam’s hand the moment he was within reach and clung. He caressed with his thumb and squeezed with his fingers and reached out until Adam presented his other hand. Ronan drew the first until they were pressed over his heart, and brought the second to his lips.

Adam shook his head as Ronan kissed his knuckles, filled with disbelief. “You can’t—“ he choked, then made a wretched noise as Ronan kissed the pads of his fingers. “Ronan.”

“I know your hands,” Ronan murmured. “They don’t feel like that did.”

Adam sucked in a breath, then huffed. He wanted to believe they hadn’t touched enough for Ronan to be so sure, because Adam was flinty with his affection and didn’t know how to offer it at the best of times. But for the moment they’d been allowed to share it, Ronan had handled him with such reverence that Adam thought maybe he had been memorized. Who knows how many times Ronan had felt it since, or how long Ronan he’d been waiting to begin with to know what to replicate in his dreams.

It was an odd thought, a prideful one of the vain thread that Adam didn’t frequently have. He’d been doubting himself even more than normal these past few hours, unsure if Ronan would want him any longer, or how he possibly could.

But with Ronan finally looking at him, he felt ridiculous for believing it could be different.

Ronan’s expression smoothed out, as if he could see Adam’s acceptance and allowed himself to relax. But then he was letting go of Adam’s hands, and Adam hurt for the instant it took for Ronan’s arms to wind around his waist.

Adam let himself be pulled, stepping into the space between Ronan’s knees and cradling his head with special care. It took a few minutes of Ronan nuzzling him before he felt brave enough to brush his hands over Ronan’s shorn scalp, trailing them down to his neck then quickly retreating again.

“Adam,” Ronan said.

Adam wound his arms around him, sliding down into a crouch so he could hold Ronan against his shoulder. He let out a breath as Ronan kissed his jaw. “Why’d you run?” Adam asked.

Ronan shrugged, sinking closer.

“He’s okay,” Adam said, quietly.

Ronan nodded. He clutched at Adam’s back. “Are you?” Without looking at him, he could somehow tell Adam had a protest brewing, and reminded him, “It hurt you, too.”

“I’m fine.”

“Great. Me too.”

“Ronan.”

“Adam.”

“Be serious.”

“Stay the night. Please.”

Adam froze. He made to pull back, but Ronan held tight, pressing his face to Adam’s neck and resolutely not looking at him. “That’s what I wanted to ask,” Ronan continued quickly. “That’s why I left. Because even fucking Cheng is going to stay because Gansey wants him to and that’s fucking fabulous, and I know you would too. But I don’t—there’s not—“

“I’m here,” Adam said, understanding. He wasn’t as good at this as Ronan, which was saying something, because Ronan was awful. Adam wanted to give him everything. He could start with a little bit of himself. “I want to stay with you.”

Ronan let out a shuddering breath. “Yeah?”

Adam nodded. He didn’t care that Ronan was almost crushing him now. The overpowering strength that should have made him shy away was somehow the most comforting touch Adam had ever felt. All in knowing Ronan was holding on when his senses should have urged him to let go.

“Gansey wants you here more than anything,” Adam added. “He was ready to follow you right away.”

“Maggot and Henry-fucking-Cheng holding him hostage?”

Adam huffed. “No. Well, they might have, but I don’t think he would have let them. But I wanted to come.”

Ronan pulled back to look at him now, and like always, Adam gravitated towards him. Ronan’s touch gentled for their kiss, his hand raising to cradle Adam’s jaw and keep him in place. It was unnecessary now—Adam didn’t want to go anywhere. But he wouldn’t protest Ronan’s touch, not when it was lovely enough to wipe away the terribleness of the day, when it felt like a whisper of Cabeswater against his skin. It made Adam pull Ronan closer, cupping a hand around the back of his neck. He stroked it in silent apology, his chest constricting, and Ronan kissed him harder.

“Stay,” Ronan repeated. It was more than a request for the night.

Adam nodded. “Okay.” They remained there until Adam’s thighs burned and he finally had to draw himself up. He winced as his knees cracked, but didn’t let go of Ronan. “Shall we go back out for a bit?”

Ronan did his smoker’s breath, then nodded. “I’ve done enough sleeping on the floor for you, though, Parrish. They can have their three-way out there, but I have a perfectly fucking good bed.”

Adam’s lips threatened to curve in a grin. “So, the couch—“

“Parrish,” Ronan groaned, face mushed to Adam’s stomach.

Adam laughed. “I’m kidding. Message clearly received.”

Ronan smiled; not his sharp grin, but a small, soft thing, as gentle as the lips he once again pressed to Adam’s hand before rising. “Come on, then.”

He held out his hand, and Adam didn’t hesitate.

Prompt List

#pynch #the raven cycle #trc #my fics #prompts #this is my first time writing for trc as well so i’m very sorry if it’s bad

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sunriseseance · 4 years

Note

please,,, even if you dont answer this publicly i wanna know your In Depth Thoughts on fanon klaus and the issues w him bc i also have issues w fanon klaus but i cant put it in words

This got SO LONG, so I hope you meant it when you said you wanted in depth! Holy shit I sorta lost my mind on this.

In my early days as a bear-poker in this fandom, I described fanon!Klaus as that person who gets resurrected in a horror movie and comes back different. As an audience member, I can tell he's wrong, but nobody interacting with him directly seems to know this. I've also talked a little bit about Klaus and intelligence before, which plays into any discussion about fanon!Klaus, but I'll be more specific here. Before I get started, I wanna say that fandom is a fun space and I don't think anyone is *bad* for creating/enjoying fanon!Klaus, especially not for the third reason I lay out. I just think he's awful, and has some harmful roots that I doubt the people writing him even know about on a conscious level.

Okay, let's get into this. Because I'm me and Wittgenstein's early work that he later disagreed with has changed my entire way of interacting with the world, I'm gonna define my terms. Let's talk about what fanon!Klaus is LIKE before we talk about why I REALLY DON'T LIKE HIM. Fanon!Klaus is a happy, stupid, sweet, childish, bubbly, luminous free spirit. He wears bubblegum pink skirts and he cries when Diego eats his cookies. He doesn't know what numbers are, he can't count, he can't walk and chew gum, he thinks that Africa is a country, he forgets that homophobia exists, he doesn't know that drugs are bad for him, the list goes on (These are all real examples. Can you tell what part of fanon annoys me the most?). He cries at the drop of a hat, and doesn't understand his place in the family. He'd move heaven and earth to help the people around him, and he'd never be mean to anyone but Luther (and even then just barely) He constantly needs attention, supervision, etc. He makes jokes about modern memes and listens exclusively to pop music. He's really damaged but it's only because nobody Took Care Of Him and he needs someone to Rescue Him.

Canon Klaus is mean, and quick, and sharp, and miserable, and hiding, and funny because you're laughing WITH him, and an old soul, and a goth, and chronically apathetic, and selfish, and so fucking smart, and acutely aware of just how much he matters to other people. He makes rape jokes, he figures out how to get info on the eye while high out of his mind, he speaks like 10 languages, he listens to Nina Simone, he uses people's inherent fear of the dead to buy himself time, he finds the perfect story within the dead to cause a rift, he tells Luther TO HIS FACE that he doesn't care if the world ends. Klaus is a fascinating study in queer trauma, and robbing him of these traits is a complete disservice to yourself AND the character.

I say this often about fanon!Klaus, but WHO IS THIS??? Like…. Okay, if I gave you this list and you didn't know it was about Klaus, would you think it was? I think he's literally unrecognizable. He's not any of the things I know or love about Klaus. He's nobody to me, except a nuisance wearing the same skin suit and clogging the tags. He is also, weirdly, the most popular character in the entire fandom. I wanna think about why, and I have 3 theories that I think can all be true separately or simultaneously instance to instance.

First, fanon!Klaus exists because of internalized homophobia, classism, and anti-addict rhetoric. I think that on some level people don't believe addicts, feminine queer men, or homeless people are capable of intelligence. I think people see Klaus's canonical positive traits and they sort of throw them out the window because they don't make sense with their world view. A queer addict is a helpless tragedy, and he's someone that needs rescuing by Kind Strong Dave. A queer addict can't be smart, because then he wouldn't be an addict. A queer addict can't be wily, or interesting, because then he wouldn't be an addict. Fandom sees a feminine queer mlm and knows he should be in a sparkly bubblegum pink skirt, and saying "dahling" or "wig" or whatever else all the time. They know he should be bashful and submissive and always falling into the arms of Kind Strong Dave who protects him from Evil. They also know he should really, really like Britney Spears, and not give a shit about Nina Simone.

Second, fanon!Klaus exists because people want to excuse negative behavior in their favorite characters. Klaus is selfish and mean and apathetic. He just is. These are flaws that haunt him, and define a lot of his interactions. These are, also, pretty tough flaws to excuse (which… Hey…. I have a solution for that). I think that fanon Klaus, who just doesn't GET that he's being mean, and is too stupid not to become an addict (I don't think addiction is a flaw, but I do think that addiction plays into this), and is too out of touch and childish to understand that he shouldn't just fucking leave, comes from a place of wanting Klaus to be a good person who does good things. I'm sorry, but he isn't. Not always. I think the impulse to make him constantly sweet and constantly stupid comes from wanting Klaus's actions to be fundamentally excusable. He can't help it! He's just too much of a useless twink to know that it's bad to lie! (also, side note, fanon!Ben comes from this side of fanon!Klaus. In canon, Klaus is self destructing on purpose and Ben's presence helps…. Maybe, possibly, twice. In fanon, Klaus is just stupid and he needs a babysitter and that is Ben, the motiveless, endlessly loving but Exhausted braincell holder. This is fucked up on many levels. Ben is an asshole, and we all need to get used to that idea quick).

The third and final reason is that fanon!Klaus is… More fun, in the traditional sense of the word. Fanon!Klaus seems like he comes from a very emotional romcom or sitcom or something. He's like a barbie. He's fun to play dress-up with. He's fun to make incorrect quotes about. He's fun to write about, especially when it's about his siblings herding him or coddling him. Good ol' useless, loveable Klaus. I think this is partially because Klaus is a pretty fucking heavy character. He's a traumatized homeless queer drug addict, and that's sort of hard to make jokey fandom content about. Not impossible, I don't think, but not easy. This isn't to say that angsty fandom content isn't guilty of fanon!Klaus, though. It absolutely is. Often when Klaus willingly shares his feelings, or cries in front of someone, or asks for help for something more intense than tying him to a chair, it's fanon!Klaus. Hell, any time he GETS rescued it's teetering into that territory. He's still completely devoid of all of the grit and intrigue of canon, but he's fun to write about, and fun to project onto, and fun to rescue. He's also EASIER to write. People know that Klaus is a funny character, they know they laugh when he's on screen, but it is WAY harder to write a character you're laughing with than it is to write a character you're laughing at. It's WAY easier to write a character who moves your angst plot on by asking for help, or necessitating rescuing, than it is to work out how these things would happen without initiation. I get it, and in spite of the length of this, I don't think it's the end of the world.

I guess as I close this out, I would remind everyone that Klaus is smart, and mean, and over 30 years old. He's not a babe in the woods, or a damsel in distress, or a useless silly junkie twink. I promise that the real Klaus is worth the time and effort it takes to engage with him.

#the umbrella academy #klaus hargreeves #Answered #Um #Fandom criticism #Rape cw

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comradesummers · 3 years

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🎵 + willow

Hi, anon! Thank you so much for indulging me. Willow is such a multi-faceted character that I think I'm going to need to choose different songs for different eras of her character.

Your Type by Carly Rae Jepsen is a good fit for Willow in the early seasons. It's about being romantically overlooked in favor of someone else so it has has a real pick-me vibe. And while some of the pick-me attitude does apply to Willow in the early seasons, especially when it comes to her jealousy of her friends' relationships (particularly Xander and Cordelia and Buffy and Faith), I think the song also reflects Willow's general feelings of being looked over and forgotten by the world around her. Like these lyrics in particular really capture willow's feelings of insignificance and her desperate desire to matter:

I bet she acts so perfectly You probably eat up every word she says And if you ever think of me I bet I'm just a flicker in your head

And those feelings of insignificance are probably why she's so desperate for romantic validation, especially from people who don't return her feelings.

Blinding Lights by The Weeknd gives me real season 4-6 Willow vibes. It's a very upbeat song, but the lyrics also have a darkness to them. That combination is the essence of this era of Willow to me. Like, on the one hand the euphoria of being in love ("You don't even have to do too much / You can turn me on with just a touch, baby"), the fear of being left by the one you love ("No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch") and the hints of future self-destruction ("I'm running out of time / 'Cause I can see the sun light up the sky / So I hit the road in overdrive, baby"), it's just so Willow right before everything goes to shit.

Speaking of everything going to shit, The Stranger at My Door by Brandi Carlile is the ultimate Dark Willow song. That's partially because the song has such a wonderfully dark and chilling vibe to it, but the lyrics are also extremely on point. Like this part:

I've seen the fire watcher's daughter Watching fires burn from smoke to black There's nothing she won't burn From Styrofoam to urns, to someone else's ashes in a sack

And this part:

We exercise the demons of the things we used to know The gnashing of the teeth become the remnants of our homes We think we're moving on from materials we long To forget we ever sold our souls to own

Just the destruction and the grief and the need to move on from suffering tied to the inability to let anything go, it's just so Dark Willow. Like I'm honestly struggling to explain this one because the lyrics are pretty dense, but trust me, the Dark Willow vibe is incredibly strong with this one.

Finally, Closer to Fine by The Indigo Girls is where I see Willow at the end of the show. Willow has now seen the worst of herself, which has forced her to self-reflect in a healthy way for maybe the first time in her life. She's able to acknowledge her potential for darkness ("Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable / And lightness has a call that's hard to hear") but is also at a place where she can find some kind of peace without needing to control everything:

There's more than one answer to these questions Pointing me in a crooked line And the less I seek my source for some definitive The closer I am to fine

Plus it's really gay.

#this got way too long as usual #apparently i have a lot of thoughts about willow and music #i'll probably make a playlist at some point #willow rosenberg #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer

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turtle-paced · 3 years

Text

A:tLA Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

First two-part episode of the series, and a very important one for the structure of the series going forwards too!

Book 1, Chapter 7 - The Spirit World (Winter Solstice, Part 1)

(0:55) Previously, on Avatar, Aang realised he was ready to hear whatever it was his previous incarnation Roku had to say to him. Katara lost her necklace and Zuko picked it up. Aang’s duty is to restore balance to the world by defeating Ozai, who got tipped off to Aang’s re-emergence by his own spiritual authorities.

(2:05) Airbenders think differently about heights. When Sokka suggests Katara jump off Appa and check out the fluffy clouds below them, she scoffs - but Aang gleefully says he’ll give it a go and launches himself into the air.

(2:17) Aang reports that clouds are made of water. The party will remember this.

(2:31) In this pre-flight era, where there are very few airbenders, the party has an unusual view of the devastation the Fire Nation has caused to the natural environment of the Earth Kingdom right from the beginning of their journey. As Sokka says, it’s like a scar. Attention to detail strikes again - the devastation is on one side of the river, which clearly halted some of the fire’s progress.

(2:37) When the group lands to check it out, the blackened area of the forest is more a burned-out area of the forest. There’s no wildlife around. Katara and Sokka’s differing concerns show up again. Katara checks in on a very upset Aang, while Sokka looks around for the causes of the fire (the Fire Nation).

(2:59) Aang with the heavy questions. “Why would anyone do this? How could I let this happen?” There aren’t any answers yet. Aang knows the world has changed, but he doesn’t understand how (and won’t until well into season three). As for ‘how could I let this happen?’, that requires some self-reflection. When Aang decided to run away the first time, he didn’t have the faintest idea that this, or this sort of thing, would be the outcome. The important thing here is his realisation that he doesn’t know how to be the Avatar.

(3:16) Aang draws a distinction between learning the styles of bending and learning his job. This shows us that Aang thinks of being the Avatar as more than the cool powers. He’s very much aware that being the Avatar comes with responsibilities he’s currently not at all prepared to handle.

(3:35) Fittingly, Zuko makes his re-entrance by wandering into a scene shouting for people (in this case, Iroh) to go places and do things.

(3:47) Once again Iroh advises Zuko to slow down, rest, and maybe practice some self-care. Alas, Zuko’s troubles cannot be soaked away.

(4:10) I think this might be the first time we’ve seen a variation on Iroh’s breath of fire, exhaling steam through his nose to heat the water.

(4:16) And another instance of Iroh refusing to let Zuko bully him, with a bit of malicious compliance. Zuko wants Iroh to leave the springs now? Okay! What, it was hardly as if Iroh was going to get in the water fully clothed. It’s saying no to Zuko and giving him some self-inflicted consequences of his own poor behaviour, without hurting him.

(4:30) “Are you ready to be cheered up?” Seriously, love Katara. This implies some time passing between the end of the last scene and the start of this one, in which she’s backed off to let Aang work through his emotions on his own. But she’s also not going to let Aang wallow in his problems, and she’s used the time to find something that might help Aang feel better about the problem at hand. She’s proactively dealing with the emotional issues here.

(4:47) What Katara found is acorns. Katara’s not just sitting back and saying “I have hope”, she’s going out and finding things that give her hope, and then sharing them. (And important for her to do, in an episode where she doesn’t have much of a role.) It’s also an important reminder for the group and the viewer - despite the destruction, things can regrow.

(5:11) Yet another person who sees airbending tattoos and thinks ‘aha! This must be the Avatar! Definitely not a descendant of surviving airbenders!’ It’s phrased as “are you the Avatar?”, which leads to an understated exchange between Aang and Katara where Aang looks to her, she nods, and Aang nods at the elder in an affirmative. The message between them being that it’s okay for Aang to call himself the Avatar even though he feels like he’s failed.

(5:22) Shot of another Earth Kingdom village. Those walls. No matter how small the village is, they have walls. Because it’s easy for earthbenders to make them. There has, however, been a recent fire. Several houses are burned.

(5:37) Rumours of the Avatar’s return have reached this tiny village who-knows-where in the Earth Kingdom.

(5:58) The problem the villagers are seeking help with is not the Fire Nation, however. It’s a spirit monster, Hei Bai. Up till now, the protagonists have been dealing with wartime dangers (and Bumi). This brings in one of the more solidly fantasy elements of the story. The spirit has been taking people from the village for the last few nights.

(6:20) It’s established here that the solstices are significant dates, as the natural world and the spirit world are closest at these points.

(7:08) This is one of those places where Aang is completely unequipped to handle Avatar duties. He knows next to nothing about the spirit world. This also lets the audience learn along with Aang.

(7:16) When Katara asks if Aang can help, Aang says, “I have to try, don’t I? Maybe whatever I have to do will just come to me!” Aang’s good points and bad points in a single line. Not helping doesn’t even occur to him, to the point where he sees helping others as his obligation. But there’s not much proactivity on a personal level there either, his first instinct being to hope that the solution will come to him, rather than ‘let’s go out and find this solution’.

(7:25) Love Sokka, too. “Yeah…we’re all gonna get eaten by a spirit monster.”

(8:04) It’s an important thing to remember about Iroh - he’s clever and he’s powerful, but he’s not infallible. As we see here when he’s effectively ambushed. Note how unconcerned he is about missing Zuko’s deadline, by the way.

(8:15) The incident gives the writers a chance to reiterate Iroh’s background. Fire Lord’s brother, famous general. It also gives us a title for him: “The Dragon of the West.” Iroh being captured here and addressed by a title additional to whatever he might have by virtue of being related to the Fire Lord shows us his Earth Kingdom notoriety.

(8:35) This is half-comical given Aang’s actual words, but the music and his solitude on the streets of the village are a reminder that Aang, who is not yet thirteen and who doesn’t know the spirit world ins and outs of his job, is heading out alone to confront a spirit who’s been attacking a village.

(8:44) Sokka is the first to object to letting Aang do this alone. This shows us something about Sokka’s relationship with Aang. We’ve seen Sokka reluctant to help strangers - just last episode, in fact - and we’ve also seen Sokka willing to face down an entire warship by himself to help his community. He hasn’t said it like Katara has, but Sokka’s actions show that he’s come to consider Aang as part of his family.

(9:21) Hei Bai appears and definitely fits the description of ‘spirit monster’.

(9:37) While I’m appreciating characters, love Aang, whose first reaction to a giant and quite possibly hostile spirit monster towering over him is to smile, bow, and politely introduce himself.

(9:47) Of course, the flaw in Aang’s approach is shown when his words do nothing. Hei Bai, enraged by the destruction of their forest by humans, starts rampaging around the nearest human settlement. Aang continues to try and talk even while Hei Bai is smashing buildings. We know that Aang’s pretty adaptable; he just doesn’t want to switch tactics to violence. Admirable, but not always effective, and Aang is slow to recognise and engage with situations where he has to fight.

(10:37) Sokka charges out to fight Hei Bai while Katara hangs back. On Katara’s part, I wonder if this is partially her not trusting her own ability to help in a fight.

(10:55) Aang’s just in the middle of saying “I don’t want to fight [Hei Bai] unless I have to” when Sokka gets snatched.

(11:09) It’s nighttime, and Zuko’s out looking for his uncle. Seems he didn’t leave after ten minutes, in the end. All bark and not a whole lot of bite.

(11:16) When a soldier suggests that perhaps Iroh left, under the impression that Zuko would have left, Zuko doesn’t even consider it. Even if Zuko takes it a bit for granted at this point, this relationship is so important to his character development. Zuko’s father hates him. Zuko’s mother loved him, but also left him, and he’s not privy to her reasons for going. And Zuko can still trust absolutely that Iroh loves him and wouldn’t willingly leave. He just doesn’t think about the implications for another season and a half.

(11:22) Zuko also using his brain here as he spots the reverse landslide. Another important thing to show, given that so much of Zuko’s arc involves him dealing with some realisations that are immediately obvious to the viewer. (He’s on the wrong side of the war, his dad’s a piece of shit, things like that.)

(11:37) Seriously skilful flying from Aang - he’s moving fast, through a forest, after sunset.

(12:00) Sokka gets taken into the spirit world, and Aang crash lands in front of Hei Bai’s shrine.

(12:11) Aang wakes up, and the animators do the heavy lifting in partially concealing how Aang’s been taken to the spirit world (or has partially shifted to that plane? The mechanics are unclear). The orange and yellow of Aang’s clothes are washed out in the nighttime scene, further than they were in the twilight scene immediately before the commercial break cut.

In character terms, Aang is struggling hard with feelings of failure. This is even worse because they’re justified feelings of failure and important things he’s failed at. It’s not fair he has the responsibilities, it’s true he’s a kid. There are mitigating factors here. But having tried and failed to stop the damage to the village and rescue Sokka, Aang’s feelings are valid, and deeper than can be resolved in just the one episode. This goes hand in hand with Aang’s knowledge of his responsibilities as the Avatar. He’s well aware of the expectations and where he falls short. We’ll be coming back to Aang’s self-blame and good/bad responses to failure in future episodes.

(12:23) In this establishing shot of the Earth Kingdom soldiers escorting Iroh, note that they’re barefoot.

(12:32) “We’re taking you to face justice.” Another important thing to remember with Iroh. He spent most of his career trying to conquer the Earth Kingdom. With the exception of the one flashback, the viewer sees the kindly old man who’s trying to help his nephew and, later, free the Earth Kingdom. Not everyone in-universe shares this perspective.

(12:44) As we get from the soldiers continuing to helpfully exposit. First mention of Ba Sing Se, here, and the great siege of the backstory.

(12:59) “After six hundred days away from home, my men were tired and I was tired, and I’m still tired.” With what we later learn about Lu Ten, it very much appears to me that Iroh says ‘tired’ but means ‘grieving’, and this line is a G-rated indication that there were a lot of deaths during this particular siege.

Oh, and also it’s a good lead-in to his ruse. Just as Zuko trusts that Iroh wouldn’t up and ditch him, Iroh trusts that Zuko will be looking for him.

(13:32) Gotta feel so bad for Katara, here. Aside from her own backstory of dead and absent parents, she’s just watched her brother and her best friend vanish in a fight with a spirit, leaving her alone in a foreign country.

(13:38) Katara’s holding on to Sokka’s boomerang.

(13:49) As the sun rises, it’s now clear that Aang’s clothes aren’t just washed out, he’s entirely blue-shaded. With his inability to interact with Katara and the elder, not to mention being translucent, the penny drops and Aang realises he’s in the spirit world.

(14:20) Voice acting! It’s just the one line, but on his own, Zuko is a lot less growly and shouty.

(15:06) After a low-key miserable scene of Aang, Katara, and Appa being utterly unable to comfort each other, Aang shouts at the sky that he needs to talk to Avatar Roku.

(15:17) The introduction of the no-bending-in-the-spirit-world rule.

(15:32) We get a good look at the mysterious light chasing Aang. It’s a dragon (Fang). This is quickly followed by our first look at Roku.

(16:28) Interestingly, Iroh is able to see Aang even when he’s travelling in the spirit world. Much like other things in Iroh’s backstory, this is never fully explained.

(16:44) Iroh might have left his sandal behind in faith that Zuko would be following, but he’s still going to attempt to free himself with some quality briar-patching. Of course his captors are willing to chain him tighter.

(17:06) Here we see Iroh heat his cuffs red-hot the same way he heated the springs he was bathing in. He’s showing us combat application of what he was trying to teach Zuko in the first episode - firebending comes from the breath, not the muscles. So he can still firebend effectively when he’s chained up and unable to use his muscles to their fullest extent. I feel pretty bad for this corporal, whose entire palm and fingers were pressed to red-hot metal for a few seconds. If anything, he’s not screaming enough. Iroh follows that up by startling the soldiers’ ostrich-horses and making a break for it, rather than attempting anything more lethal.

(17:18) Aang and Fang approach a volcanic island and a temple. The temple is five storeys. A lot of stonework and tiling, a lot of gold.

(17:40) So while we’re looking at this heavily gilded statue, I just want to raise one question - who ordered this temple built? Or, at the very least, who commissioned this statue of Roku, the dimensions of which must have been calculated with the uppermost room in mind?

Think about it. Roku was a known opponent of Fire Nation expansionism. Would the Fire Sages spend this much money or place a very expensive statue of the Fire Lord’s political opponent in a temple without the Fire Lord’s okay? As we’ll see in future episodes, they’re pretty involved with the state. Could Roku’s surviving family afford this? Would Azulon or Ozai fork out the cash? I also note that the statue is an accurate depiction of Roku in his latter years, so aside from this being done by a skilled artisan (and hence a $$$ artisan), someone who knew Roku well was involved in the design phase.

I think this temple might be a product of Sozin’s guilty conscience. I don’t think this conclusion was intended, but the show’s later depiction of Roku and Sozin’s relationship makes it an appealing post-hoc explanation.

(17:47) Fang spiritually transfers a bit more knowledge. In this case, Sozin’s Comet, bereft of context. It’s clearly bad, though!

(18:00) Bringing back the point about the solstice from earlier, we see a spot of sunlight approaching the face of the Roku statue. Fits with the exposition!

(18:50) Iroh is quickly recaptured, because he’s one chained-up guy trying to escape over dirt without killing anyone (let’s be real, Iroh could easily kill these guys), being followed by three earthbenders.

(19:07) Katara goes out looking for Aang and Sokka. Mostly, this is an excuse for -

(19:16) - Zuko to spot Appa. He knows that means the Avatar. But Appa’s flying one way, the tracks of the ostrich-horses are leading another, and Zuko has to choose.

(20:18) This week in “it’s really freaking hard to humanely contain benders”, the Earth Kingdom soldiers decide to crush Iroh’s hands. Given that Iroh barely used his hands and that the most significant injury he caused in that escape attempt was to someone’s hands...I’m thinking this is more retaliatory than anything.

(20:25) Zuko arrives to save the day, having chosen his love for his uncle over his quest (and, implictly, over his love for his father). It makes it easier to support Zuko and Iroh in this fight, especially after the hand-crushing thing. Unfortunately, as Azula will prove in season two, this isn’t a one-and-done decision.

Also, off to the right - is that a female Earth Kingdom soldier? I think it might be! The show is welcome to continue proving me wrong about female earthbenders in the background! (I mean, they’re still a tiny and voiceless minority, but there are more than I thought!)

(20:42) “You are clearly outnumbered!” “Ah, that’s true…but you are clearly outmatched.” Damn that’s a line. Especially since the fight bears that out. Iroh doesn’t even firebend, instead using his chains.

In one particularly noticeable shot, he uses the chains to redirect the momentum of a rock flying towards him. From what we’ve seen of Zuko and Zhao, this isn’t a technique firebenders use much. Even before we’re told Iroh learned from watching waterbenders, we’re shown that Iroh learned from watching waterbenders. This series knows how to do fight scenes - not just how to make them tense, but how to make them show character.

(21:23) After failing the previous evening, Aang is trying again. Good on him.

(22:07) Aang touches Hei Bai and learns/confirms that Hei Bai is the spirit of the forest, and says that now he understands. Hei Bai is angry because his home was burned down. So the war can have effects on the spirit world as well. It’s a two-way relationship.

(22:22) Aang offers Hei Bai an acorn. Hei Bai accepts it, and is appeased. So in the end, Aang didn’t have to fight after all. He could resolve the situation using his words. But that was only possible after he understood what was going on, and only after he had some real help to offer. The series is anti-war, but it doesn’t treat talking as a magical cure-all to conflict.

(22:58) “If only there were a way we could repay you for what you’ve done.” “You could give us some supplies and some money.” Ah, practicality. But again the sort of thing that helps to explain how the group are getting by day to day.

(23:24) We leave off with the hook for next episode, part two. Contacting Roku has to be done ASAP, but they have to go to the Fire Nation to do it. Sounds dangerous!

#a:tla #cw: violence #fine toothed comb edition

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dangitdespair · 3 years

Note

can u ... maybe do monokuma and the mastermind's reaction to a student being scared of a thunderstorm and asking to cuddle a monokuma robot thingy to help fall asleep,, ive been thinking about this for d a y s

Warning: this contains major spoilers for all three games! This is about the masterminds! If you have not yet finished all three games, please do not read!

Ayo

This is a cool concept, but hOW DO YOU WRITE LIKE THAT IN ASKS WHAT

(Also I just had to change around a couple of things because two of them couldn’t really have storms the characters know of going on lol)

- mod shuichi

Junko // (I hope this ain’t too ooc lmao)

She can make Monokuma appear at the drop of a hat. Hidden away in her control room, she pilots him like a mecha. Kind of. But when she heard you randomly calling for Monokuma while sitting in your room, she wasn’t as bored for a second. Why the hell would you be suddenly calling for Monokuma out of nowhere? But as she always does, she makes Monokuma drop into your room with a flashy arrival. "Whaddya want?" She calls into the mic. It copies over to Monokuma and comes out in his regular voice. Through the camera in Monokuma’s eyes, she notices that you look scared. Nothing new there. But seeing you in despair isn’t the worst thing for her. In fact, it’s rather entertaining.

Without any words, you climb out of your bed and grab the Monokuma. If you were going to try and do anything to the plush bear, she was ready to hit the self-destruct button, but you didn’t do anything. This certainly boggled her usually razor-sharp mind.

"Oi, what’re you doing?!" She calls into the mic, coming out as Monokuma’s voice. She’s really kinda frazzled at this point. The last thing she thought you’d do is try and cuddle with the thing that’s forcing you to kill each other.

As you nuzzle your face into Monokuma’s weirdly plush surface (for a robot), all Junko can do is frown and think. She does nothing to try and get Monokuma out of your arms. Just sitting there in silence. Suddenly, she’s snapped out of her thoughts by your voice."Why are you making us do this? I don’t know who the mastermind is... I’m not sure I even want to know, at this point. I’m so scared it’s gonna be one of my friends..." A single tear rolls down your cheek. All Junko can do is watch on in sheer confusion. Of course you crying over your friends was to be expected (how boring), but to think you’d turn to Monokuma for something to hug... Curious. Seeing your tears almost makes her feel bad. How do you not fear the thing that is making you and your friends kill each other?! Junko almost felt that feeling of despair she so often craves. Maybe if she keeps a closer eye on you, perhaps she can truly feel despair.

Izuru //

(okay just pretend that Izuru still sort of had a consciousness latent in Hajime’s mind that somehow knew what was going on. Don’t think too hard about it. It’s ~fanfiction~)

Good lord, it was thundering hard. The AI in the virtual world had decided that it was going to thunder today. Quite violently too. Hajime was caught out in the storm, trying to make his was back to his room when he saw you through your window. You were sitting on your bed, clutching an unmoving Monokuma who admittedly didn’t look very impressed.

What the hell were you doing with Monokuma in your room? Let alone clinging onto it for dear life, looking terrified. Deep inside Hajime’s consciousness, Izuru stirred. Such a common and boring reaction to a storm, and yet strange at the same time. You were sitting there, clutching onto the Monokuma plush like a terrified child. Izuru could have sworn he almost felt pity for your shaking form. Hajime, partially driven by Izuru deep in his consciousness, knocked on your door. He heard a muffled but shaky "Come in" from behind your door. He entered and found you hadn’t changed. You were still burying your face into the back of Monokuma’s soft fur. That thing was making the rest of your class mates, you included, kill each other. Yet here you were, hugging it like a baby. How fascinating. Perhaps he should keep an eye on you and watch you for any other strange things you do. Perhaps you aren’t as boring as Izuru thought you’d be.(yes that basically means Hajime is gonna be hovering around you a bit more, but he doesn’t know why lmao)

Tsumugi //

Sometimes having to sneak off just to watch all the participants do the same thing day in and day out without any motive can get super boring. Come on, millions of people are watching! Do something interesting for once! Tsumugi ordered the sixth monokub to focus in on your room, where you were lying on your side in fetal position. That’s nothing new for you.

Right as she was about to leave from checking what you were doing, she hears you call Monokuma. Her stomach drops. Did you somehow notice the monokub camera drones in your room? It couldn’t be. They were far too tiny and quiet. She orders a Monokuma to appear in your room, dropping down from the ceiling in his usual crackheadish manner.

“WHAT?!” The Monokuma calls.

You say nothing but instead unravel yourself from your fetal position, gently reach out for the bear and wrap your arms around him. “WHAT?!” The Monokuma once again shouts. He’s really not sure what to do. And neither is Tsumugi. She wasn’t expecting you to just reach out and hug the Monokuma like a plush toy! Well, he kind of was, but he could kill you. Not to mention that you were crying. Comments from the spectators came flooding in.

yo wtf they’re hugging the kuma lmfao

DOESNT THAT IDIOT FUCKING KNOW THAT MONOKUMA COULD KILL THEM???

bruh this is kinda cute ngl

yoooo (y/n) do be kinda cute doe

This is certainly interesting. You seem to be creeping up in popularity in the fanbase thanks to this funny little move of yours. Even Tsumugi is taking a liking to you thanks to this new, oddly cute side of you. She certainly doesn’t remember writing you to do weird shit like this. How curious. How cute.

#spoilers #masterminds #drv3 x reader #sdr2 x reader #danganronpa #danganronpa x reader #mod shuichi

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hotchley · 3 years

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Hey, oh my gosh congratulations on 500!! You so deserve it, you seem like one of the sweetest and most thoughtful people ever! I would like to request [12] from [angst] with Hotchgan (platonic) please!! Although no pressure, I’m sure you must be getting a lot. Congratulations again!

Thank you!! That's very sweet of you <3 this came... perhaps a little too easily to me... I very rarely whump anyone that isn't Hotch, but the idea seemed good at the time... I apologise if it's terrible... it's canon-divergent/partially AU (one big plot point changes) from 5x04 Cradle to the Grave

12: “i’m scared.”

Trigger Warnings: self-blame, major character death

read on ao3!

From the moment he had stepped into the BAU, Derek Morgan had known Aaron Hotchner's plans for him. They weren't a secret to anyone. From the moment he walked in, kind smiles and gentle eyes, but also a fierce determination and a will of steel, he had known the plan.

When Hotch retired- not if, because at that point, Jason was still himself and Hotch was convinced he could transfer- Morgan would take over his role. He would become Unit Chief, and whoever had been on the team the longest at that point would become lead profiler if Gideon had also retired.

Things had been simpler then. More black and white. Easier.

And then Adrian Bale killed six of their agents, and Hotch was pulling away and lying to their higher-ups, and Morgan was trying to handle the loss of not just his colleagues, but his best friend who seemed to think burying himself in work was the way to handle life.

And then George Foyet came back.

Derek had heard of the case- everyone at Quantico had- but he'd never realised just how deeply it had impacted Aaron until they were in Boston, retracing his steps and looking into old leads once more. He had assumed it was just another case. He had been wrong.

It was stupid, and he knew it was just his own brain being stupid, but when everything seemed to be going wrong, he felt responsible. As though his sudden determination to bring Hotch back out of his shell by being his old self had caused Foyet's escape and Aaron's further withdrawal.

He wanted to help. Really, he did. But then Spencer almost died, and they were being called to Canada for a case they would all remember perfectly- eidetic memory or not.

And then Hotch was spending thirty-four days off work, when the doctors had recommended double that. Haley and Jack were gone, somewhere far from both the horrors of Hotch's work and his self-destructive spiral. Spencer had been shot in the leg. Everything was falling apart, and Morgan was barely holding onto his own sanity, but it was clear Hotch was not as well as he wanted everyone to believe. Morgan had wanted to say something, but in between everything that seemed to be happening, he never got the chance.

Then Hotch went from closed off and quiet to far too abrupt and borderline cruel. Morgan knew something was up, but he couldn't quite place it.

And then he got told he needed to be Unit Chief. Aaron could claim it was just pretend, but Derek knew better. Hotch was terrified. He wasn't sure he could be impartial anymore. He didn't trust his judgement. Probably hadn't since Foyet.

Derek Morgan had always believed the words Unit Chief would go before his name many years in the future. When the job would return to being a desk one. When Jack was in college, or at the very least, high school. When everyone on the team had grown up. He had always assumed that he would have more time.

He doesn't want the role. Not now. Not like this.

But Aaron is looking at him with such desperation and nervousness that he simply swallows the lump in his throat, and smiles. Accepts the role with his usual easy-going nature. Pretends he isn't moments from crying. Takes the first box, and looks through the file like nothing is wrong.

"What is it?" Aaron asks. Because he knows Derek. Maybe better than he knows himself.

Derek knows there is no point in lying because Hotch isn't talking about the paperwork. "I'm scared," he confesses.

"Of what?"

"This. Being leader. Being in charge. Hotch, there was a reason I didn't take the position in New York. I didn't want it because I didn't want the responsibility. Not like that. The same applies now. I don't- I'm not ready."

"And you may never be ready. But you can't let that fear stop you. You're going to do an amazing job. You did perfectly during my time off. Erin told me how you took charge without being asked. It's just temporary. We'll get Foyet, I'll come back, and you'll realise how much you preferred being in charge," Aaron says, with a smile that hasn't made an appearance since he last saw Jack on video.

"I could never hate you. You're my friend," Derek says.

"Promise?" Aaron asks, with a vulnerability he hasn't seen in a while.

"Of course. Promise you'll come back?"

"Of course."

They continue in an easy silence, and some of the tension lifts from Derek's shoulders. He's still scared, but less so. And now he knows that Aaron will still be in his corner, cheering him on and helping where he can, he's sure he can do it.

Like they've established, it's only temporary. Foyet will be caught, Aaron will come back, and everything will go back to normal.

Only it isn't temporary. Because whilst they catch Foyet, Aaron doesn't get to come back. Haley's eulogy is a beautiful piece that Jessica has to hold her hand through. She mentions the Pirates of Penzance. Because of course she does. How could she not?

Morgan holds Jack, the events all blurred together and not quite clear in his mind. All he knows is, he's going to be the Unit Chief permanently. And he doesn't know how to do it without Hotch.

"I'm scared," he whispers to an empty room, having rejected Haley's offer to spend a few days with her and Jack so he doesn't have to be alone.

Nobody comforts him. Nobody makes him an impossible promise. Nothing but silence meets his words.

And it's only then that he cries.

#hotchley's 500 #platonic hotchgan #criminal minds #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #tw self blame #tw major character death #okay goodnight <3 #it's 1:35am

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