#i say as if there are times when i am not in a weird headspace | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marriedtobigfoot · 9 months

Text

Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.

So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.

Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.

Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.

He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.

He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.

Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.

And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.

By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.

Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.

"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"

Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.

"I don't mind sharing."

Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.

Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.

"Are you really gay?"

Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.

"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."

It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.

"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"

"It's not weird."

"Okay."

Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.

"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."

"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."

"What do you do when it's not enough?"

"Hmmm?"

"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"

Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.

"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."

"Oh."

Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.

"I don't know how to do any of that."

He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.

"Steve...are you lonely?"

Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.

He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.

He panics a little at the sight.

"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"

"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."

"What do you mean?"

"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."

And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.

Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.

"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.

"I don't know man. I just wish-"

He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.

"What do you wish Steve?"

"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"

It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.

He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.

He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.

Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.

He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.

"Thanks man."

And Eddie takes another leap of faith.

"I could be that person, you know."

"What?"

"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."

Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.

"Just for tonight?"

It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.

"Yeah. For tonight Steve."

"I think...I think I'd like that."

Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.

"Alright sweetheart."

Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.

He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.

He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.

"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."

"Can you tell me about it?"

"Hmmm?"

"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"

And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.

"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"

"The real one."

"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."

Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.

"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"

Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.

"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."

Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.

"That sounds nice."

It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.

*It's only for tonight.*

He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.

But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.

Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.

Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.

But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.

Just for one night.

And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.

#steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington whump #steve is sad #eddie helps #pre-season 4 #this takes place between seasons 2 and 3 #I wrote this in a fit of insanity while I was supposed to be working #hope yall like it

3K notes · View notes

a-dauntless-daffodil · 7 days

Text

Charlie: "You know what your traumatic backstory calls for?"

Vaggie: "Hugs?"

Charlie: "THERAPY!"

Vaggie: "Charlie, I don't need-"

Charlie: "Oh YOU don't need therapy? Really? Really."

Vaggie: "..... I'm perfectly functional. Also, it's my trauma."

Charlie: "And is this OUR loving relationship?"

Vaggie: "Of course it-"

Charlie: "The one I'm planning on spending the rest of my life in? Trauma included?"

Vaggie: "I- if, if you want to-?"

Charlie: "Just like how YOU'VE spent three years helping ME with the whole 'wow my family fell apart soooo fast let me cope by latching onto the dream of my disappeared mom while pretending it's totally fine I somehow feel even MORE distant from my dad who lives only a ten minute walk across town' thing? Making 'help charlie!' into your whole Reason for Being?!"

Vaggie: "Hold on, I wasn't in the best headspace when that slipped out-"

Charlie: "OBJECTION! Clear admission of truth!"

Vaggie: "-fuck."

Charlie: "And did you let me be there for you then, when your head was in a bad place? Or did you pull a 'I want to be alone' card?"

Vaggie: "I just needed- I didn't want to say anything else stupid."

Charlie: "Oh so you didn't wanna be dramatic about it, huh?"

Vaggie: "Yes- NO!"

Charlie: "Like how I can be dramatic?"

Vaggie: "It's not the same-"

Charlie: "Do YOU like being there for ME when I'M in a really bad no good and sad headspace?"

Vaggie: "You know I do."

Charlie: "Even when I go sit in a corner my own because I still can't believe there's someone in my life who'll want to come looking for me- who I don't need to apologize for being sad or 'dramatic' around- and who says she's HAPPY to be worrying about me?"

Vaggie: "Sweetie I am happy to worry about you."

Charlie: "Ah-HA! But I don't get to do that for you! YOU want me to be sad around YOU-"

Charlie: "Wait that sounds weird, uhh- oh whatever-"

Charlie: "Point is, I don't get to see YOU being sad around ME! And no, anger don't count! You like being grumpy! Grumpy is active! It feels productive and that's why you hate feeling SAD!"

Vaggie: "You just said you hide it from me too. Even after three years of being together."

Charlie: "Oh no really? Does that bother you???"

Vaggie: "It worries me!"

Charlie: "Okay then!!! EXACTLY! We both need therapy."

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "That's fair."

Charlie: (preening) "Thank you."

Vaggie: “How the fuck did you not win that case up in Heaven.”

Charlie: "Angels are jerks and their minds are hard to change. Not my angel though. Mine is great~"

Vaggie: "Hold that thought until after I've asked this one question, sweetie."

Charlie: "Ask away!"

Vaggie: "How do we do therapy."

Charlie: "....."

Charlie: "H-"

Vaggie: "Without using Husk and alcohol. We are not paying him enough to deal with my angelic shit."

Charlie: "We could give him a raise- how much do you think-?"

Vaggie: "Not even if we gave him the hotel, babe."

Charlie: "Oh."

Vaggie: "So. What does sober therapy look like?"

Charlie: "Hmm....."

Charlie: "......."

Charlie: "Next question."

Vaggie: "Do you wanna just start off with a hug."

Charlie: "I want to pat myself on the back for having such a smart, supportive girlfriend- but you'll have do to it for me instead. While we hug."

-phone call time-

Carmilla: "You have five seconds before I hang up. Talk.

Charlie: "Carmilla, hi!!! It's about Vaggie-"

Carmilla: "No."

Charlie: "Oh ok! I just thought-"

Carmilla: "No."

Charlie: "-you seemed to really care about her, and maybe see a bit of yourself in her, maaaaybe you'd have some tips on-"

Carmilla: "No. Take her to Rosie's. Go with her and STAY with her."

Charlie: "Rosie- OF COURSE Rosie's! Right! I will!!"

Carmilla: "Don't take it personally when she tries to escape."

Charlie: "When she whats?

Carmilla: "The brooding silently in a chair and refusing to talk will also pass. Give her space. But don't leave her."

Charlie: "No no I won't, but why would she try esc-"

Charlie: "Oh Vaggie! No, I'm just on the phone with Carmilla-"

Vaggie: "WHAT."

Charlie: "-we're talking therapy ideas for you! And-"

Vaggie: (muffled swearing)

Charlie: "-she says Rosie's might be a good idea! You know, like how Alastor took there so I could talk everything out with someone finally, well I guess and also to get a cannibal army, but Rosie helping me with the you issue by laying my heart bare to her was the main good thing from all that, so-"

Charlie: "-VAGGIE GET BACK HERE!"

Carmilla: "Condolences on her having wings again. Good luck"

Carmilla: (hangs up to the sound of frantic flapping and yelling)

Zestial: "...."

Zestial: "...toss'ed to the very wolves... truly, that was wretched of thee."

Carmilla: "I owe them nothing."

Zestial: "And what of thyself?"

Carmilla: "Why, were my disinterested actions of a moment ago not self-serving enough for you?"

Zestial: "Thou art denying much in thine distance from her."

Carmilla: "I already have two daughters-"

Zestial: "As thou sayst."

Carmilla: "You are not my therapist, Zestial."

Zestial: "Nay- would that thou should'st yet find one, old friend."

Carmilla: "Be quiet."

Zestial: "Shan't~"

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #carmilla carmine hazbin hotel #zestial hazbin hotel #incorrect quotes #zestial the pestial #what is therapy anyway #a miserable little pile of exposed secrets #vaggie being hauled to the therapy like a dog to the vet #by her loving girlfriend #who is going to collapse from exhaustion the /moment/ they get back home afterwards

291 notes · View notes

killsatoru · 12 days

Text

Part Two : Mistakes With Rings: Gojo Satoru

Pairing : Gojo Satoru x fem! reader

Warning(s) : Cursing, Death, reader is a Itadori

Summary : Thrown into a loveless marriage, but what happens when your husband asks you for an open marriage?

Part One

Our honeymoon. Was empty. only a small smile was exchanged through the whole trip. no hand holding, no hugging, no kissing.

Nothing.

Absolutely Nothing.

Back home the arrangements were set to live together.

Was it so weird for a married couple to live apart?

“We can have separate rooms.”

“Ok.” What else was I supposed to say?

Isn’t sleeping in separate rooms also weird?

In a cold empty room. Which was once a guest room. Now, it was called my room.

Sigh

The maids whisper among themselves.

“Poor Mrs. Gojo!”

“How can Mr. Gojo be so cruel!”

“I heard they were arranged.”

“I heard Mr. Gojo might have a mistress already!”

“Poor Mrs. Gojo…”

“Y/N!” My older brothers call out

“Jin. Sukuna. It’s nice to see you two.”

“What’s with the long face? Is it that asshole!? I swear I'll ruin that pretty face of his!” A stern look comes across my brother’s face

laughing

“No! No it’s not him I just miss you guys! How is Yuji by the way, Jin? changing the subject is for the best

“He’s amazing! Wanna see some pictures!” pulling out his phone to show pictures

“That brat! He has too much energy! I say we put him in a sport!” A proud smirk on his face

“Maybe putting him in basketball! or even Baseball!” I suggest excitedly.

“Bye Y/N! Take care, say hi to Satoru for me!”

“Tell him he better be treating you right!”

“I will, bye you two take care!”

To think that would be the last time all three of us would ever be together.

While taking a walk around the large garden. My phone goes off.

Ring Ring Ring

A hospital?

‘Strange, why would a hospital call me?’

“Hello?”

“Yes, This is Y/N Itadori.”

The world Spinning. The urge to puke was strong. The tears slipped out. My breathing out of control.

“I’ll be there shortly” sprinting inside passing by the maids in the kitchen and living.

There Gojo Satoru stood blocking my exit.

“Hey Y/N-“

Running past him.

Ignoring Gojo. Running to my car. was I even in the right headspace to drive. It doesn’t matter. I need to be there.

Sprinting to the counter

“I am here to see Jin Itadori. He’s my brother.”

“Y/N.” placing his head between his hands.

“Father. how is he.” Fear laced in my voice

“Y/N. I am so sorry. I am so sorry” Trembling.

In the years I have been alive, my father had never cried in front of me.

In the years I have been alive I would've never thought this day would come. Especially not like this.

“Jin is dead”

To think I would be burying my brother this early.

My nephew Yuji Itadori is still too young. why? Jin, why?

“Y/N. Let’s go.” My brother Sukuna pulled me away and took me to a house that wasn’t my home. to a man that wasn’t mine.

“You should eat Mrs. Gojo.” all the maids gave me concern looks

It had already been 2 weeks. Yuji in a week will be under my care. I have to guide him through all of this.

Haven’t seen my husband. Haven’t eaten well. Haven’t slept well either.

Moving out of this unreasonably huge house. is for the better. Maybe a small apartment with just Yuji and I, will clear my head. To avoid seeing the maids that take pity on me. To avoid seeing my Husband.

I grew the courage to call Gojo.

‘If I don’t do this now. I’ll never do it.’

“Gojo, I wish to speak to you.”

“You are speaking to me right now go ahead”

“In person. This is important.”

Sigh “Fine, I'm almost done with work, i’ll be there soon.”

“What is it that you wish to speak about?” his voice was demanding. annoyed even.

Now seated in the living room. The maids long gone. The only noise in the house is the faint sound of the television.

“I wish to move out.” Trying to sound as nonchalant as possible

“What! why?” Irritation seeping into his voice

“This house is too big for me. I wish to move to an apartment. I am just telling you, so that you don’t think I ran away.”

“So it doesn’t matter if I say no.”

“Then I guess you can consider it as running away then.”

“Fine. If that is what you want.”

“AUNTIEEE” A little boy running to me with sparkles in his eyes

“MY LOVEEE!” embracing him, drowning him in kisses

Giggling “Auntie Auntie! Am I really going to live with you!”

Putting on a front. He’s still too young. I won’t ruin his childhood. When he’s older i’ll tell him. But for now i’ll do this.

“Yes, my love! we’ll have so much fun together!”

“YAYYY! I can’t wait! will uncle Sukuna visit us!”

“Yes he’ll come from time to time!”

I am away from the man who has the label as my husband. Who has given me his last name. where the only kiss and embrace we have shared thus far was at our wedding ceremony.

4 Years have passed now.

4 years since my brother passed away.

4 years since I've moved out of that suffocating house.

Within that span of that time I haven’t seen that man much. We’ve only seen eachother because we work in the same company, not because of our own will.

Though we are married. I never fully claimed the last name he gave me. I don’t claim myself as Gojo. only Itadori.

From what I've seen he doesn’t wear his wedding ring.

So I don’t wear mine.

Ring Ring Ring

“Itadori Speaking”

“Ms. Itadori! The meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Fushiguro isn’t going well. They need back up.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Heard they sent back up for us.”

“He was so pissed for no reason ugh” Massaging her temple

“I hate people like him. so stuck up for no reason.”

The clicking of heels can be heard echoing through the hallway. In one hand was documents of what Mr. and Mrs. Fushiguro will be agreeing on once entering the room.

“You three wait in the car. I got it from here.”

“WHOA! Ms. Itadori is amazing!”

“A total lifesaver!”

“A true angel!”

30 minutes have passed.

“Do you think everything’s alright in there?”

“If we don’t get the agreement Mr. Gojo will be mad!”

“Ugh, hopefully everything is going well.”

Tap Tap

“It went well! Don’t worry i’ll be the one meeting Mr. Gojo, you three.” smiling warmly at them

“KYAHHH MS. ITADORI YOU'RE AMAZINGG!!”

“Ms. Itadori your meeting with Mr. Gojo.”

“Thank you for reminding me.”

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous to face him alone. When we would see eachother it would be in a room full of other staff, other high powered authorities, and even our parents.

Never alone.

Knock Knock

“Come in” He calls out

‘Calm down Y/N.’

Opening the door to his office.

“Mr. Gojo.” Bowing slightly.

Thank you for the support on Part One I really appreciate it! This one was a little difficult for me because I struggled with wording (That’s why there’s a time skip sorry!). Anyways, Thank you guys for reading!

Tag List

@cocolawd @kalopsia-flaneur @megumisthirdog @cyzvx

#gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo smut #jjk gojo #jujustsu kaisen x reader #gojo x y/n #jujutsu gojo #eventual smut

62 notes · View notes

am-i-the-asshole-official · 15 days

Note

Tagging @aitathrowaway1234 to know when it gets posted

AITA for trying to set a friend up with her crush (and having it backfire horrendously)?

I (F28) am married with my wonderful husband Lucas (M31) for eight years now and I'm convinced he is my soulmate. I am as in love with him as I was all those years ago and I'm convinced I'm the luckiest woman on Earth for having him in my life. Yes, I'm cheesy like that.

Thing is, because I'm so happy with Lucas, I want to see all of my friends equally happy and in love, so I have a tendency to play matchmaker sometimes (only with their permission, of course). A lot of these friends are in happy relationships with the people I set them up to, so I can say confidently I'm good at matchmaking.

Recently my friend Darcy (F32) commented on how she had this huge crush in one of my husband's friends, Peter (M30). I got super excited because Darcy went through a bad divorce around 5 years ago and she haven't expressed an interest in anyone since then. Since Peter always seemed to be a cool guy, I asked her if she wanted my help to get closer to him. She said yes.

For context, Lucas was never a fan of me playing matchmaking for people, mostly because he thought I could get in trouble for it. He knows it's something I like to do, though, so he never tried to make me stop it, he just always made it clear he wants no involvement in this. Since I knew I would have no help from him, I started to invite Peter myself to hangouts with me, Lucas and Darcy, and I would go out of my way to talk to him and compliment Darcy in our conversations, saying how amazing she was and listing her qualities etc. In our hangouts, Darcy and Peter would talk nonstop and, in my head, my little matchmaking plan was going smoothly.

Until this one night last week when we went out for a bar. Lucas had a long day at work and was feeling really sore (he has a bunch of disabilities that make him stay most of his time on a wheelchair and also make him feel a lot of pain), so he decided to stay at home, but encouraged me to go out with Darcy and Peter as planned. I didn't want to leave him alone, so it was then that I had an idea: I would go out with them, stay half an hour and leave, saying Lucas wasn't feeling great and I didn't want to leave him alone, which wasn't even an excuse. So I could go home and cuddle with my husband on the couch watching some Netflix while Darcy and Peter would be out just the two of them for the first time. Perfect plan, right?

So I went out with them and, around ten minutes after we arrived at the bar, Darcy went to the bathroom and that's when things started to get weird.

Peter was very straightfoward; he said he knew what I was doing and that I was very smart to keep inviting Darcy to have an excuse to be around him, and now that Lucas finally wasn't with us we could "get rid" of Darcy somehow and go somewhere more private. I was so shocked that I started to laugh and I think he saw this as an encouragement, because suddenly his hand was on my thigh and he was way into my personal space. I pushed him off, kind of screamed "What the fuck?!", got up and left. I was in my car on the way home when I remembered of Darcy. I don't know why she left my mind like that, I guess I was too shocked to think of anything else at the moment, but when I parked at home my phone was full of texts from her, asking what was going on and why everyone had left. I just texted her an apology and promised I would explain everything to her on the following day, because I wasn't in the right headspace at the moment.

When I went home Lucas asked me what was wrong and that was enough for me to start to cry. I told him everything and he just held me and comforted me, he didn't really say anything because he knew I just needed him to be there for me at that moment, I guess. On the following day, thought, we talked a lot about what happened and I could see he was really upset about Peter. He reassured me I didn't do anything wrong, though, but he confessed he didn't like my matchmaking habits because he knew this could happen and he didn't want to see me hurt like this.

After that, I texted both Peter and Darcy. To Peter I simply said I never had any kind of interest in him, that I was simply trying to help a friend out because I thought he was a good person but that was clearly not the case. I also told him to stay away from me and my husband and blocked him. To Darcy, I just told her what happened and apologized. She never answered me, so I guess she blames me.

Lucas keeps insisting this wasn't my fault, but I can't help but think that, if I didn't got involved, this would never have happened, and maybe I should stop meddling in other people's love lives, even if they want me to do it.

So, AITA for trying to help a friend out?

#aita #am i the asshole

99 notes · View notes

swee7dream · 2 months

Note

Can you write a babyspace!reader with cg!Haechan, where Haechan takes good care of the baby, but starts to slip into a little headspace himself? He’s in an older headspace, so he acts more like a big sibling to the reader than a caregiver like this.

weird cg!lee donghyuck x f!reader

genre agere content, fluff, slice of life warnings petnames used wc 962 dni if you sexualize age regression ( you can't see it but i'm giving you the thumbs down of shame )

synopsis you are making haechan weird . but he's okay with that for some reason .

Haechan has never had a partner like you.

He remembers the day you stood shaking like a leaf, speaking with a lump in your throat and your heart wide open.

“And this like… for fun? Sometimes. Oh. Okay. Weird.”

‘Weird.’

The memory of his mistake echoes mockingly, bouncing off the walls of his mind endlessly, never letting him catch a break. Look like you're having a good time there, Lee. That's great. Remember this?

“Channie, what you doin’?” You drop your head to the side as if the new angle would help you figure out the reason your caregiver is sticking his fingers into the corners of his closed eyes.

“Nothing, Angel,” he sighs. “Are you done playing trains?”

“Yeah.” He feels the weight of your head drop onto his lap. “Done done.”

“You should clean up then.”

“… ‘morrow,” you mumble. Your hand reaches out for something, your fingers curling up and extending as if it were pulling on the invisible strings that would bring whatever it is you’re wanting closer to you.

“What are you looking for, sweetheart?”

Groans.

“I don’t know what that means. Also, you really need to clean up. You won’t be happy when you wake up in the morning and you step on a block.”

Whines.

You are a whiny little thing, especially at these hours of the night. This phase is what Hyuck calls “the drop”. At this time, everything drops: your verbal skills, your walking ability, your heavy little eyelids.

“Hello?” He singsongs, gently tapping your cheek. “Am I still speaking to Angel? Or is this Baby?”

Oh, Baby. Angel’s mortal enemy.

Angel is but an ironic pet name for your tiny self, she is nothing if not the opposite of an angel. If Angel wakes up before Donghyuck, she shakes him awake by jumping on the bed. Angel squeals and runs and jumps and scares. Angel is a little imp and everytime he tells you that, all he gets in return is a shameless grin.

Baby, on the other hand, is just a tiny little thing. She comes out of hiding very infrequently, usually during the times you’re supposed to be sleeping. Baby is boring and lame, Angel says, all she does is sleep! Haechan, however, loves Baby. She’s a nice break from the games of hide-and-seek where you hide so well Donghyuck’s heart drops thinking you hid outside. The only things Baby needs are some warm milk, cradling, and the occasional binky to be happy.

Groans (again).

“Okay, okay. I think I can guess what you’re looking for.” He sighs, but the smile in his voice is very much there.

He reaches for the couch’s side table, pulling the drawer open for a shiny box. The lamp’s light reflects off the pacifier, nearly in mint condition from lack of usage. Thanks to having washed it before putting away the last time it was used, the pink dummy can go directly into your mouth.

“Boop.” Attempt one fails, your lips don’t open to accept his offering. “Boop.” Attempt two succeeds!

Haechan feels you go boneless on top of him and pats your head as your breathing slows. He doesn’t try picking you up, that’s not his thing and it’s definitely never been Angel’s either. He just… slowly slides down the couch like a worm onto the living room floor. It’s uncomfortable and not a smooth process but better than the alternative of waking you up when you’re still in a sensitive headspace.

It’s quiet down here, he thinks. It’s just as quiet as when he was up on the couch but a different sort of quiet, he just can’t place it. He sighs silently at the mess before him, blocks and train tracks everywhere. It wouldn’t take long to pick it up really, it’s just such a bore.

Not too far away from his hand are some scattered blocks. (”Town was built on the train tracks, Channie.” “That sounds like some severe infrastructure problems.”) He yawns while making a little house with them, three rectangular birch wood blocks for the walls and a red triangle block for the roof. It’s too small, Donghyuck frowns. Rain will definitely come in. He clicks his tongue and begins looking for another triangle block.

Hyuck blinks and the house has become five, another blink and the five houses have become towers, a third blink and he’s placing the block bridging the two towers together over the train track he had turned back on sometime in between blink two and three. He’s pretty good at this, he nods approvingly of himself.

You need to turn the lights off, a voice in the back of his mind says, the electric bill has been getting crazy. The voice is right, but Haechan does not care. Another yawn escapes him as the clock tick-tick-ticks to midnight. Ever since you entered his life you’ve been throwing him off. He’s sleeping at five in the morning, he’s wearing closed-toe shoes to leave the house, he’s playing with blocks.

It’s you, he pouts. It’s you making him play with these blocks and trains, even if you’re asleep. You’re the one responsible somehow. You’re the one making him all weird like you. Making him all… comfortable and safe. Your lack of judgment is something dangerous for someone like him. He blinks. What a weird thought.

You rustle in his lap, blinking up until your eyes focus on his face.

“Chan?” You rub your eyes, Angel nowhere in sight. “What are you doing, Hyuck?”

“Just… playing.”

a/n hello ! it's vix. thank u for the request, anon ! i don't write agere!idols out of fear of infantilizing them so this was the kind of happy middle i got. hope it's okay !

70 notes · View notes

galaxywhump · 8 days

Note

i would love to see daniel making what he feels like is a mistake with wren (similar to how he fucked up with wren getting attacked by the local wildlife in the beginning of the story). like he pushes wren too far without realizing it, or hurts him in a way he didn't intend to (like rope failure during suspension bondage). love to see wren suffering and i also love to see daniel feeling guilty so like. best of both worlds lol

[SV-240 masterlist]

contents: slavery whump, forced relationship, creepy/intimate whumper, defiant whumpee, suspension, dislocation.

~~~

“Uh, could you… check the ropes again? Something’s weird about the balance.”

“I know what I’m doing, sweetheart.”

“But-”

“Just trust me. Besides, just a few more pictures and we’ll be done, okay?”

Daniel snaps a picture. One of the knots in the elaborate ropework keeping Wren suspended snaps too.

It happens in a blink of an eye. Wren becomes certain that something is wrong with Daniel’s handiwork, that it wasn’t just his imagination, and in the next moment his body jolts downwards. If that was the end of it, it wouldn’t be bad - he’d just be a bit startled, he’d get to savor Daniel being proven wrong, but, unfortunately, he mostly did know what he was doing.

Wren’s right arm was still secured with rope, and when he shifted, it stayed in exactly the same position.

He sees stars. His scream of agony comes out as a strained gasp. His shoulder is on fire.

Daniel curses, sets his camera aside and rushes to start painstakingly undoing the knots while Wren hyperventilates, eyes wide, forehead lined with cold sweat.

"I told you!" he chokes out, close to sobbing. "I fucking told you and you didn't- Why the fuck didn't you believe me?!"

Daniel doesn't answer, focused on untying the ropes; Wren's shaky breathing is the only sound. When he's finally freed, the pain only gets worse when his shoulder shifts, and he can't stop tears from falling from his eyes. It hurts so much, a completely new pain. Daniel cradles him in his arms, petting his hair, and the look of remorse on his face is nowhere near as satisfying as it would be if Wren could think more clearly.

"I'm sorry," Daniel says, carefully laying his hand on Wren's injured shoulder, making him tense up and gasp. "Next time I'll make sure the ropes are secure."

"Next time?!" Wren cries. “My shoulder is-”

"I know, I know. And… I need to set it, so be still. Just trust me."

"Again?! You just fucking showed me why-"

Once again, he doesn't get to finish his sentence - with practiced confidence Daniel grabs his arm, lifts it up, and pulls, and Wren howls in agony feeling it pop back into place.

“Okay, okay, it’s okay now,” Daniel whispers, holding Wren close as he struggles to breathe. “You can rest.” He sighs, then the corners of his mouth rise in a playful smirk. “First that animal, now this. I guess I’ll just ask Berkeley to bring me some new rope next time so there’s no more accidents, hm? I really am sorry, though. I’ve learned my lesson.”

“You didn’t learn shit,” Wren rasps, somehow mustering enough strength and clarity to glare at Daniel, who, much to his fury, laughs.

“See how quickly you bounce back? You’re stronger than you realize, sweetheart.”

Wren presses his lips tightly together and shakes his head. He’s not strong enough to fight back in a way that matters, not strong enough to escape. At the moment his strength seems completely meaningless to him, and he’s so tired of staying strong this way when Daniel only seems to find delight in it.

~~~

taglist: @faewhump @inky-whump @whole-and-apart-and-between @whatwasmyprevioususername @procrastinatingsab

@funky-little-glitter-bomb @goneuntil @redstainedsocks @luminouswhump @lonesome--hunter

@as-a-matter-of-whump @renkocchi @whump-only @muddy-swamp-bitch @girlwithacoolcat

@watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @sophierose002 @whump-headspace @to-whump-or-not-to-whump-blog @kixngiggles

@ohwhumpydays @whumpsical @wibbly-wobbly-whump @stab-the-son-of-a @his-unspoken-words

@pumpkin-spice-whump @onlyhappywhenitpains @suspicious-whumping-egg @morning-star-whump @burtlederp

@there-will-always-be-blood @springwhump

#slavery whump #forced relationship whump #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #defiant whumpee #dislocation whump #wren rackham #daniel rooney #sv-240 #my writing #this has been sitting in my drafts for ages #i was trying to find inspiration by going through my inbox and remembered it #love the concept anon!#i hope you like it even though it's pretty short #the doc name is 'oopsie' btw

45 notes · View notes

jazminrhode1 · 7 months

Note

Hi from australia!!! Omg i love your writing so much. I'm about to graduate and am thinking to moving interstate to study (not very common here) and am so nervous about leaving my friends and family and though maybe you could write something about that? Like the triplets have a friend who leaves? Whatever you come up with will be amazing <3

Childhood Friends Sturniolo Triplets x Reader One Shot

Summary: You're friends with the Triplets and are moving away after graduation.

Word Count: 1040 words

Since you were young, you always dreamed of growing up and leaving Boston. The triplets were heading to LA, your friend Lexy was moving to London with her boyfriend and you were moving alone to New York.

Suddenly you’re standing at a going away party being held just for you. Your family, your childhood friends, and everyone who raised you is gathered to say farewell.

It is a bizarre thing to look at a place that has gifted you so many wonderful memories and so many wonderful people and still feel the pull to leave it behind. It’s strange knowing that this place will never be the same again, that time will take its toll, and that life here in Boston will inevitably go on without you.

As you hang out by the charcuterie board thanking everyone for coming, thanking them for the impact they had on your life and the love that they had shown you, you were doing your best to avoid the hardest goodbyes.

Since the first day of elementary school, you had been tied at the hip of your best friend Lexy and the Triplets. Most of your childhood was stored in suppressed memories that could only be unlocked by the smell of rain on the sidewalk and cookies in the oven, the texture of your old bedroom carpet, and the scar atop Matt’s eyebrow.

As the crowds began to leave and your parents began to pack up, you made your way over to the treehouse that you and Lexy had countless sleepovers in as kids. As you climbed up the ladder, you wondered if it was built for five 18-year-olds. You figured, if it fell, you’d have one final memory to reminisce on when you see them all again.

As you all sat on the carpet covered in spiderwebs and leaves, it fell heavy on your heart knowing that this was the last time you were all living in the same place. You wouldn’t ever live across the street from your best friend Lexy again. You’d never sneak out of your parent's house and walk the streets with Nick talking about nothing and everything. You’d never sit in your old room playing video games until the early hours with Matt. You’d never spend another night in that bed wondering if Chris ever did like you back.

“This is so weird,” Nick said breaking the silence.

“I can’t believe we’re all leaving,” Chris added.

“We all have to stay in touch,” Matt insisted.

“Definitely,” Lexy replied.

“When do you have to leave?” Chris asked with a sigh. You looked at your watch. You should have been on the road by now.

“I should probably get going,” you said as you stood up, helping Lexy to her feet.

“You can’t stay one more night?” she asked with a quiver in her voice. You just shook your head and pulled her into a hug. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Lex,” you said trying to keep your composure. “Thank you for being my friend,” you choked out.

Lexy was your person. She was your voice of reason, your biggest fan, she got you through high school. She was taking the best parts of you with her to London and you had no idea what you were going to do without her.

You pulled away and wiped your eyes, turning to Matt who was biting his bottom lip. “Thank you for being someone I can always rely on,” you said. He let out a whimper as he pulled you into a hug. “I love you,” he responded. “I love you too.”

You and Matt both had your own struggles in school and it made it easier having someone who understood what you were going through. Most of the time you and Matt said nothing at all but, having him there was all that you needed. You weren't quite sure who you were going to turn to when your headspace got dark again. You were going to miss him.

Nick jumped to his feet and pulled you into his chest, “I love you so much, Y/n.” “I love you too,” you replied. You and Nick had already said everything that you wanted to say and you hoped that you'd never fall out of touch.

When you turned to Chris he had tears welling in his eyes. He reached out and took your hands in his. “I don’t know what to say,” he said as he forced a smile. “We don’t have to say anything,” you replied. He waited a moment before he said, “You suck a lot less than most people,” he said with a laugh. He wrapped his arms around you and for a moment you thought about staying and telling him how you felt. But you knew you’d regret it if you did. You knew that you had to leave.

After you packed your final bags and loaded the car there wasn’t much left to do. You hugged your parents goodbye on the same front porch that you’d all played on when you were kids. You pulled out of the driveway that you once pulled out of for the very first time as your parents gathered every ounce of bravery they had as they watched you leave.

This driveway, this house, this little neighborhood outside of Boston will never be quite the same again. Now, your childhood home becomes your parent's house that you visit every now and then. Your best friends become childhood friends that you see when you're back for the holidays. Your hometown becomes far more sentimental but, a little less familiar. It’s not that you thought the world revolved around you but, it’s a nasty shock to know that it will keep spinning without you there.

As you drive down the interstate reality starts to set in. You realize that you’ll meet new friends who will one day feel like old friends with memories and stories to share about a younger version of yourself that you still haven’t met yet. But, no matter how much time passes and how many memories are made, they will never quite feel like your childhood friends. There is something about these people that you just can’t replace.

63 notes · View notes

a-doll-that-got-lost · 7 months

Text

This is a post about Sylvester Lambsbridge from Web Serial Twig by Wildbow. He's Plural Btw.

(Warning: Major Spoilers for LITERALLY ALL of Twig. I can't talk about this without covering the entire story and talking very explicitly about the ending.) This is really a take I haven't seen anyone make about him ever before I don't think (not that many people are out here making takes about Sy, but) so here I am to loudly shout to twigblr that Sylvester Lambsbridge is plural and he makes factives of all the people important to him and he's a fucked up little freak about it. Now obviously Wildbow didn't write him to be plural. I think if he'd *tried* to write Sy that way he would've done a dogshit bad awful job, because he's Wildbow. That said, Sy's hallucinations of the Lambs (and later a number of other notable figures) that he conjures, who act with varying degrees of independence (especially later on in the story as he gets more unstable), match pretty closely with a lot of my experiences with being plural. The ways that each of his alters are interconnected and how they're tied into deep-rooted concepts (Duncan is Politics and Social Engineering, the Infante representing Power, etc) matches a lot with how things are structured with us. Also a lot of him is tied up in his fucked up relationships! Sylvester cultivates the people around him into the shapes that best please him. He does this because he is a very very traumatized, scared individual who was sold to or seized by the government and made into a child assassin when he was a toddler. They inject his brain full of neuroplasticity drugs which cause excruciating agony on the regular. This has, naturally, leads to him having an somewhat skewed worldview from someone from a more reasonable world. He views people as either Threats or Allies, and neither can be trusted fully, ever. Both can be manipulated, though for different purposes. For the Lambs of course he'd say that he was trying to help them thrive, help them get everything they want (and genuinely he does). But he still manipulates them actively, willingly, consciously, and deliberately. This means that fundamentally, no one can ever trust him (except Jessie but this post is long enough without getting into their relationship) and so he can't get the kind of human connection that he craves. This is where his alters supplement that human need for connection. All of Sy's alters are factives of real people (and monsters), both allies and enemies. The most powerful and concrete of them are the Lambs of course, as they're the closest thing he has to people he can trust and be vulnerable with. His alters serve to help him understand and predict them, since they will never trust him and open up to him in the way he craves (because A) he's Sy and B) they're all also sooooooooooooooo fucked up in their own ways :3). Sy's deteriorating memory also fits really really well through this lens because, well, dissociative amnesia! During the time that he was on his own and his mental state got worse and worse, more and more alters started forming. He starts losing more and more memories. This is just kinda stuff that can happen when you go through a big period of trauma and you're plural. It really just Fits. And the ending of Twig, well. The alter that was Sylvester is gone. Now the host is Lord Simon. Lord Simon is a somewhat more integrated person; a lot of the crowds and voices that built up alongside Sylvester got woven in. Fusion of alters is also a thing that happens, especially during big crises. A major headspace restructuring is also not particularly weird! This man is literally just part of a system. I think I've kind of finished what I was trying to say. No clue if this is coherent or if the people will care to read it, but here it is! Maybe I'll post more Twig thoughts in the future, who knows :3

#twig web serial #twig wildbow #wildbow #twigblr #plurality #plural system

55 notes · View notes

cccc-aus · 22 days

Text

The CCCC Persona 5 AU

Who said I couldn’t use this blog for my own AUs? So, Persona 5 is cool. Very cool. And so is CCCC. The result is this AU. There’s not much to say about this. Enjoy!

The Basics

In this universe, HMS have all become regular people after some weird incident, with no memory of the Headspace- or, within the context of the AU, Soul’s Palace

Then once the whole “edge of calamity, blah blah blah” thing starts to go down, a new Trickster is chosen in the form of Soul

Here’s an interesting fact, though: in this universe, regular people can’t be pulled into the Metaverse. They have to have some kind of connection to it first, wether they’re aware of that connection or not.

Other than that, the Metaverse remains mostly the same.

And, so begins the story of the Phantom Thieves of Desires (not hearts because that would get confusing quickly).

Soul

The founder of the Phantom Thieves of Desires, who’d been working solo for a few months

First awakened his Persona in his own Palace, as a matter of fact, which took the form of a mental asylum: the Shadows as staff, and his own Shadow as the head “doctor” (as well as, had he entered a few months earlier, two particularly aggressive Cognitions as patients)

He awakened after joining the dots that, yes, this place is a manifestation of his mind, and that’s fucked up, and he needs to find out why the fuck his brain’s like this

His Phantom Thief attire is mainly black, white and grey, looking like a ripped straightjacket, and his mask is half black and half white, with three red lines: two down each of his eyes, and one separating the two halves

His Persona, Atlas, takes the form of a large clay golem with six arms: two holding Earth behind his back, the remaining four holding smaller planets, and the Sun and Moon circling his head like a halo

His main damage type is Nuclear, and his weakness is Psychokinesis

Even though he doesn’t need to use Atlas- since, as a Trickster, he can wield multiple Personas- he’s strong enough that he still keeps him with him at all times

His weapon is a trident, and his gun is a pistol

And finally, his Phantom Thief codename being Soul is meant to be a nod to the whole cognitive world thing, as well as a way of saying “This is who I am, and nobody is going to control me”, y’know?

Anyways, since Awakening, he basically just used the Meta Nav to see if anyone he disliked had a Palace so he could screw them over

He basically just… used the role solely to benefit himself until the others joined.

OH and he’s also the one that writes all the Calling Cards, even after the others join!

Heart

The second member of the Phantom Thieves, who joined a few months after the initial founding

Since he’s blind, it took him until after he awakened his Persona to realise he was in another world (Soul basically just accidentally dragged him in and was like “uh. uhhh no need to worry just stay here and let me do this thing real quick okay????”)

His Phantom Thief attire is similar to Joker’s: black coat with kinda tuxedo-y looks, and a purple galaxy print on the little tails, and his mask is actually just his blindfold except purple with golden seams

You’d think he’d make a really bad Phantom Thief, but no: he can actually see perfectly fine in his Phantom Thief attire, for reasons I’ll explain in a bit

His Persona, Artemis, looks basically the same as she did in P2 at first glance: but with six wings, dual crossbows, and a crescent moon for a head, surrounded by multiple eyes

Her damage type is Curse (with a fair bit of Healing skills), and her weakness is Bless

His weapon is a sword, and his gun is a TOMMY GUN

Anyways, the reason why he can see in his Phantom Thief attire is because Artemis is his new eyes. When she’s summoned, his field of view changes to hers like third-person, which gets confusing really quick: so he tries to avoid summoning her for any longer than necessary

Aside from the general euphoria of being able to see again for the first time in like, years, when he was told his new friend is actually the Phantom Thief of Desires that’s been all over the news, he was like “YES. YEAH. I DIG THIS. LET ME HELP YOU. I WANT TO DO THIS TOO.”

As you can kinda tell, he’s basically like the Ryuji of the group: really bad at hiding that he’s a Thief. As well as in general the kinda similar vibe they give me.

He chose the name Heart mainly to fit with Soul, but as time passed it became more and more evident that he is, in a sense, the beating heart of the team

He was the one to encourage Soul to start going for bigger targets that are legitimately making people’s lives terrible, not just… random shmucks that he has a pointless grudge against

Mind

The third and final member of the Phantom Thieves of Desires, who joined a few weeks after Heart

Was one of the first people to start to catch onto the fact that that these two random people (who look suspiciously similar to him) might actually be the Phantom Thieves

When confronted about this, his suspects panicked, activated the Meta Nav trying to see if he has a Palace, and actually ended up pulling him in with them accidentally

He awakened his Persona after seeing the true nature of the kind of people they target, and realising “hey, maybe these guys have a point”.

His Phantom Thief Attire takes the form of some badass armour, complete with a blue cape with yellow highlights, and his mask is a metallic skull with five blue points like a crown: basically a more sci-fi version of Ryuji’s

His Persona, Apollo, kinda looks the same to how he did in P2, but with a more yellow-y and blue colour scheme, and six eyes

His damage type is Bless (with a fair bit of Support skills), and his weakness is Curse

His weapon is an axe, and his gun is a rifle

He also takes the role of the Navigator in the group, whereas beforehand the role was kinda haphazardly shared between Soul and Heart

And speaking of which: he decided on the codename Mind after realising how badly these idiots needed someone who has their shit together

After Awakening, he was just kinda like “FUCK. I guess I’m a Phantom Thief now.” and kinda brooded for a while before just deciding to deal with all the risks

It was never a question to him wether he was going to join after Awakening: the thought of just doing his own thing with his new power never occurred to him, actually

He and Heart kinda bicker a lot, but it’s never actually violent bickering like in canon. Just, like, little petty sibling arguments.

He was also the first one to notice how they all look near-identical. Well, of course they noticed it before, but never really stopped to think about how weird it was.

oh yeah and Darrel is the Morgana stand-in

19 notes · View notes

pricklymuffinzzzzz · 5 months

Text

As a member of a system I don’t understand why other systems don’t support trans species or species fluid folk. Personally my system system has a few members who are not human, they are fully capable of human communication. But I would be fully wrong if I called them human.

Pigeons can recognize human words, dogs can too, and certain apes can communicate through sign language. This doesn’t make them human though.

We also have Ash Fox, from Fantastic Mr Fox. Ash in source is an anthropomorphic Fox. To call him a human would be blatantly incorrect. Yes, Ash speaks, English and is a functional member of society. But he is very much not human. Our Ash, has a body that has been accepted as “human” but he still identifies as a fox, because that’s literally what he is.

At times he has the body of a fox. At times he has a tail, ears, whiskers, and fangs and every other feature is considered human. But throughout all his forms he is still a fox. Systems should be able to understand this so I don’t see why some can’t.

Another example is our Ink creature, this creature is completely not human. It would be weird to call them human. We have a lot of other alter examples too, bojack, Mr peanut butter, Rainbow Dash, the Creature from Frankenstein.

All of these alters can communicate and function in “human” manners but none are human. In my case, I mostly identify as human. But other times in headspace I am fully in the body of a cat. Outside of headspace this makes me identify as a cat as well, because well, that’s just how I am at the moment? It would be wrong to call me other wise because that’s truly what I am.

Idk it just really confuses me when other systems say they don’t understand trans or species fluid folk, like people should just be able to identify in a way that makes them feel most fulfilled and like themselves.

And systems should be able to understand this!! Especially since we all know that we have completely different bodies from the host, like we would probably choose to look how we actually do then how the host does. It’s just more fulfilling. Idk idk, just systems need to support trans and species fluid folk🤷

Oh also to all the trans species folk in systems, you don’t need to be ur identities body shape in headspace to be valid! You can still be “human” shaped in headspace and identity the way you do! Either is okay!

#did osdd #did system #actually did #did community #did alter #osdd #osdd alter #osdd community #osdd system #osddid #trans species

26 notes · View notes

mrs-kodzuken · 4 months

Text

Two lovers and a stuffie ♡

Pairing: Haijme Iwaizumi x fem!reader x Tōru Oikawa

WC: 2.4k

Genre: fluff with hints of sadness

CW: fem!reader, age regressor!reader, caregiver!haijme, caregiver!tōru, poly relationship, age regression coping mechanism, mentions of period blood/pads, when reader is regressed they use the caregiver name of “daddy” referring to iwa & kawa, strictly and completely unsexual!! stuffed animal and pacifier used for comfort by reader, switches from 1st pov to 3rd omniscient then back to 1st for plot

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

"Are you ready? You can sit with me if you'd like."

Kiyoko had offered me to sit beside her on the bus. We had been invited to a week-long training camp by the Shinzen. Even Aoba Johsai would be there too.

"Sure, thanks Kiyoko." I smiled, climbing to one of the front seats with her.

I snagged the window seat, wanting to watch the stars. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep on the way here, I stayed up. The fear of someone crashing the bus keeping me up.

Getting into my bag, I squeezed my stuffy's arm to calm myself. Usually, I'd have time to regress, but since we're going to be somewhere else, it would be almost impossible.

Even if both of my caregivers were going to be there. I still didn't want to risk it and get made fun of.

It was exceptionally hard to have both of my significant others in a different school too. I knew they'd be working hard and practicing, and it was about thirty minutes from my house to theirs.

The entire night, I watched Coach Ukai and our adviser, Takeda, switch between driving.

Somehow, during the night, my stomach started to churn, giving me a sick feeling. I didn't bother telling anyone because it would only cause trouble.

I never get sick during car rides, so I thought that must be it. I was just car sick.

Thinking by the time morning came about, it'd be gone. Just to my luck, it got worse.

It was like pins and needles had been continuously poking and prodding my abdomen.

I had to constantly keep my face a poker face and refrain from holding my stomach. I didn't want to cause any suspicion or worry.

"(Y/n)? Are you okay? You seem quieter than usual." I heard Kiyoko ask beside me while I was walking, going to put our stuff down in the managerial room.

All the managers from each team had an entire room to ourselves since all of us were girls.

"Y-Yes. I'm fine." I gave her a painful smile, trying to tell her I was alright.

I heard a bus across the lot pull to a stop, and it turned out to be Seijoh.

"Move your ass, Shittykawa." I heard my lover's voice, which soothed me. I practically relaxed while standing because of it.

"So mean, Iwa-chan."

Turning towards the voices, I watched them both, lovingly. But I refused to go over there, despite how much I wanted to; if I did, I'd melt into their arms.

Taking a deep breath in, hoping it would soothe my stomach. No such luck.

I quickly moved along with Kiyoko and Yachi, not wanting to be left behind when they started walking.

As the day drawn on, the pains in my stomach were getting so harsh. I even developed a headache that was pounding in my skull.

It was like the world was out to get me or something.

To make matters worse, I could hardly do my job as a manager due to switching between my headspaces. It felt like my mind was breaking in half.

I had managed to stay away from the two boys, but I was noticed by almost everyone else.

My head was loopy, making my footing weird as I walked to dinner.

"Are you sure you're okay? You haven't eaten anything today, and you're not eating dinner." I heard Sugawara say to me from across the table.

It was true; I had been pushing my food around, playing with it. I couldn't even eat because of the pain.

"I'm fine; I just am tired. I'm going to go take a shower, then go to bed." I reassured them, pushing my chair back, with a forced small smile.

I didn't care if my team's eyes were watching my every move, but I locked eyes with Oikawa and Iwaizumi on my way out.

As I turned the corner, tears brimmed my eyes just a bit. I wanted nothing more than to run into their arms and have them take care of everything. To take care of me.

I grabbed my futon in the manager's room and got it ready, but decided to lay down for a few minutes. An uneasy feeling settling in my stomach.

But when my head finally laid down, I was out like a light.

My eyes shot open, and I could feel bile rising in my throat. Immediately covering my mouth, I got up and rushed to find a bathroom.

There wasn't one in the room, but I did find one down the hall. I quickly slumped to my knees and let it all out within the, thankfully, clean porcelain toilet.

Tears welled in my eyes, wanting nothing more than the comfort of my daddies. I sobbed into the toilet, my body feeling hot and the salty tears trailing down my cheeks. My sorrow filled sobs echoed in the empty bathroom.

My stomach wasn't any better; it seemed to have gotten even worse. It was to the point where I couldn't even move if I wanted to.

I lay there sobbing, heavily deep in little space, sick. Another round of bile came about, which I released once again.

My left arm was hugging my stomach as my right one gave me support to lean on. I could feel my nose becoming stuffy, which only made me cry harder.

"D-Daddy." I hiccupped and whined, wanting them to take care of everything.

Whimpers escaped my mouth as I heard the door open. I was wishing for my daddies but was met with Kiyoko.

My eyes widened, "Please don't laugh at me! I just want my daddies!" I sobbed louder, afraid my secret would be out, snot running from my nose.

Kiyoko crouched down to my sickened state and started to soothingly rub my shoulders.

"I won't laugh, I promise. Can you tell me who your daddies are?"

"Tōru and H-Haijme." I squeezed my eyes shut as another wave of pain came from my stomach.

"Will you be alright while I go get them?" Kiyoko asked, still rubbing my shoulders.

I slowly nodded, taking a sharp intake of air.

Kiyoko had fast-walked to Aoba Johsai's room. She didn't want to leave (Y/n) in there by herself, especially in this condition.

She quietly opened the door, not trying to wake anyone. Kiyoko had walked inside, but to her dismay, she found two futons empty.

Huffing a bit, she turned around, exiting their room.

When she left, she accidentally bumped into the two people she had needed to find.

"Karasuno's manager? What are you doing up?" Oikawa had asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

"I think I have your little girl in the bathroom. She's asking for you two and seems quite sick."

The entire reason Iwaizumi and Oikawa were up anyway was to find the manager's room. They wanted to check up on their little girl, who had been avoiding them all day.

When those words left Kiyoko's mouth, they rushed to follow her into a bathroom.

I looked up from my slouching spot on the tiled bathroom floor after hearing the door slam open.

My half-lidded eyes recognized the two beings. "Daddy!" I cried, wanting to be in their embrace and take care of me.

A frantic look came upon both of their faces as they crouched down to where I was.

"Sweetie, what happened?"

"Baby, are you bleeding?"

They both asked simultaneously, and I looked down at the shorts I had been wearing during the day.

The gray shorts were leaking red liquid, causing a mess on me and the floor.

My eyes widened as I looked up, my eyes tearful. I began to apologize, sobbing louder unable to control my emotions in this state.

Haijme engulfed me in his strong arms, cuddling me softly. I leaned on his chest, relaxing.

I heard Tōru ask Kiyoko for any lady products I could use. While he was away, Iwaizumi picked me up in bridal style and he got a bubble bath ready.

He cleaned me up an brushed my teeth, too. All the while, I became sleepier as he whispered sweet nothingness into my ear.

Oikawa came back with a large shirt, his boxers, and some pads.

"Here, baby," Haijme gave me a glass of water and a couple of pills.

I easily swallowed them, trying to keep my eyes open and refrain from yawning.

Tōru picked me up while Iwaizumi had gone somewhere else.

I cuddled against Oikawa's chest while he carried me to his team's room.

Setting me down softly on a futon—well, two futons pushed together. He covered me up with the blankets.

Hajime came back with my (f/c) pacifier and stuffie.

He gently set the paci in my mouth while I brought (stuffies/name) closer to me.

Both of them wrapped their arms around me. They cradled me all night, knowing that there was a possibility of us getting into trouble in the morning.

Oikawa had started running his hands through my hair, while Iwaizumi gently massaged my stomach. That was all I needed to go to sleep peacefully this time.

When morning finally rolled around, most of the team was up. Well except for Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and (Y/n), who were still sleeping.

That morning, the guys had taken many pictures of the three of them. They laughed in adoration silently, not daring to wake them up.

But as always, there wouldn't be a day that went by when they wouldn't dare let their captain and vice captain get into trouble.

So they made up excuses till Oikawa and Iwaizumi awoke. The both of them staring at your beautiful sleeping form.

They kissed your forehead and cheek then wrote a small note on each side of you.

Once they were ready, they announced that you were sick and needed to be kept in bed all day.

Then everyone got confused as to why they, out of all people, would announce that.

"What did you do to our precious manager?" said by none other than Noya and Tanaka.

"She's our girlfriend," Iwaizumi answered, unbothered.

It seems as if Tanaka and Noya had frozen their raging attack.

"Whose?"

"Both of ours." Oikawa answered with a pointed look.

It seemed as if they both decided to reflect on their life choices after hearing that answer.

Waking up peacefully this time made me feel so much better. Cuddling my stuffie, I stretched my legs out. Realizing that me being on my period wasn't a dream, I shot out of the futon.

I was scared that I had leaked while I slept.

Luckily, I didn't, but I did need to change pads. After doing my business and washing my hands thoroughly, I laid back down.

I wasn't going to get up if I didn't need to. Looking to the left, I saw a small piece of paper lying there.

How the hell did I not see that when I checked the futon?

Picking it up, it was a sweet good morning note. It was from Haijme and also stated that Oikawa's was on the other side of me.

After I had read them, I put them in a spot where I wouldn't crush them.

I had been trying to fall back to sleep countless times, but when my cramps decided to come back, that's when I got up.

I went searching through Tōru's bag for some sweatpants because I'm not walking out of this room in just his boxers.

After sliding those bad boys on my lower half, I grabbed the notes, shoving them in my pocket and put the futons away.

I had no idea what time it was since my phone was back in the manager's room. So I decided to see what we'd be eating next to tell the time.

Walking into the kitchen, I was met with the smell of soup and, to be honest, it did smell quite good.

"Miss (L/n), you're up. The staff heard you were sick, so we whipped you up a soup. Feel better soon!" The lady handed me a fresh bowl of soup, and I thanked her while moving towards the dinner table to eat.

By the time I was done, I could hear some people coming in for lunch. I guess I had mine a bit early.

Anyways, I started shuffling back to the Aoba Johsai room; I had forgotten my stuffie and paci.

Picking them up I hid the pacifier in the sweat pants pocket so no one would see it.

When I shut the door, I turned around to head towards the room I should have slept in. My hair is probably a mess right now, and I should fix it.

I was stopped in my walk when I heard someone call out my name.

Turning around, I was ruthlessly jumped on by Tōru, I could tell by his intoxicating scent I loved. He tackled me to the floor, and we obviously fell.

"Ow, Tōru! Get off!" I shouted, trying to move his body.

"But you love me!" He leaned into my body more—that is, until we heard stomping coming from the hall.

I looked up to see Iwaizumi and smirked, because Oikawa was about to get his ass kicked.

"Oi! Get your heavy ass off of her, Trashykawa!" He ripped Tōru's body from mine, relieving me and slapping him.

"Thank you." I was gently pulled up from the floor, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"That's not fair! I want one!" Tōru pouted at me, his arms crossed.

I rolled my eyes at his playful behavior but still moved to give him a kiss on the cheek.

At the last second, the sly fucker moved his head so I'd kiss his lips. Which I should have expected from Oikawa.

"Amazing, why didn't I think of that?" Hajime sarcastically said, taking my waist and kissing me.

Just as Tōru was about to make another move, I quickly stopped him.

"No, I'm going to my room and I feel much better now. Thank you." I said that and turned to finally going down the hall.

I heard them talking about how I don't have to say thank you since they are the caregivers. I couldn't help myself, though.

When I got better, everything seemed to return to normal. I even apologized to Kiyoko because I had disrupted her sleep.

She said it was fine because she had always been a light sleeper. I just couldn't thank her and my boys enough.

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖ ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

a/n: this is from my book “Haikyuu x Reader One Shots” on Wattpad! I hope you enjoyed and let me know if you have any requests!

the header is made by me, please like/reblog if used <3

48 notes · View notes

babypuffinzoe · 4 months

Text

Happy new year! 🎉💖 I hope you're all doing well and that you had a lovely time over the winter holidays!

It's been quite a while since I was last on here, almost four months I think! The past few months have been quite a journey and also transformative for me in many ways. This post is an update on what has been going on with me lately and my plans for the future (warning: it may get dark at times but it's all okay in the end).

Back in August when I came home from my trip abroad I had family visiting, which was a mixture of emotions, and I ended up hitting my head really hard while they were over, leading to me getting a mild concussion. Although I feel like the word ‘mild’ doesn't accurately convey the pain that comes with such a concussion. 😂 During this time I was trying to pretend like everything was okay, when inside I was slowly losing my mind and life was becoming very overwhelming. After my last post in September, things got really bad for me, both with my physical and mental health.

From September onwards I had to face my medical phobia as I could no longer avoid going to the doctors. I was constantly fatigued, along with a range of other symptoms, and I suddenly developed a very weird rash which resembled meningitis and gave me quite the scare. Long story short, after many tests and a lot of stress, they were not able to determine what had caused the rash but at least it's nothing to be concerned about! I did, however, discover that I have a condition called hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which is the most likely cause of all the pain and fatigue I experience. Now that I know this, I can better manage my days and have a better understanding of how my body works, so I’ve been kinder to myself lately.

I won't go into too much detail about all my mental health struggles at this time, since this post is already getting quite long! I have struggled with intrusive thoughts and ‘voices’ in my head since I was a child, which tell me very negative things about myself and my life. It was only in the past months that I have been able to realise with the help of my therapist that these thoughts are not true and not something I need to listen to or take on board when it comes to my life choices. I have been able to actually do things I enjoy again and I am hoping to keep up this momentum during 2024! There are still a lot of other things I am working on and that I currently struggle with, including managing my eating disorder, flashbacks, and PMDD (or potentially PME with the new research that is coming out). However, I am finally at a point where I feel confident in the direction my life is heading and I have more confidence in myself. When things get bad, I tend to isolate myself (one of the unhealthy habits I am working on changing). I struggle to share my feelings with others and hate feeling like a burden, so I pull away from everyone. When I first created my social media accounts, my goal was to use them to help me express myself and have a safe space to share my thoughts and feelings. I really want to put more effort into socialising this year and to isolate less. It's okay to ask for help and it's okay to rely on others when I need it, as I would help them when they do. 💖

During all this I also had a friend move in to my house, which means I have a lot less privacy. That combined with the health scare I had meant I had to put ABDL and kinky stuff on hold for a while. I was also really struggling to get into littlespace and had a lot of confusing thoughts regarding kink in general and what I really wanted. I think I only wore diapers about twice over the months as I just couldn't get into the right headspace. I am happy to say that I am definitely feeling more little lately and I am excited to start wearing nappies again! 🤭

To end on a positive note, I want to share some good things that have happened over the past months. I have found a sport I really enjoy and have been consistently exercising now for the past month or so! I’m super proud of myself as this has been a goal of mine for years! And my daddy and I had our one year anniversary in December and spent Christmas together. 🥰

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages while I was away! Even if I haven't replied yet, know that I appreciate you checking up on me so much and I will try to get back to everyone this weekend! 😊💖 And thank you to all of you who continue to support me and care about me, it truly means a lot. I know I haven't been the most reliable in terms of content creation and I want to get better at that this year, as creating content is one of my favourite things to do and I have had so much fun with it in the past!

I hope 2024 is a great year for us all! Stay safe ily 💖

#personal #life update

30 notes · View notes

gloriousrunwayninja · 1 year

Text

AFFIRMATION TAPES

Table of context

What are affirmation tapes

Why it works

How to make them

Proof on why it works

Videos/resources

What are affirmation tapes

♥…Affirmation tapes are where you say your affirmation into a recording and you listen to them.

Why it works

♥…The reason it works it because It helps reprogram your subconscious mind. It helps saturate the mind especially if your doing something while listening to them for example listening to them while getting ready.

♥…Me personally I would use them while I'm distracted so I'm able to easily saturate my mind.

How to make them

♥…How to make them is by using the SelfPause app. More in dept tutorial on Hyler self pause video.

PROOF IT WORKS

According to a recent study by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, practicing affirmations-whether listening to pre- recordings or creating your own, it helps lower stress by alleviating perceptions of threat and defensiveness by expanding self worth through broader dispositional self-views.

Day One

While I love self development and personal growth, I'm always a little bit skeptical when trying a new practice. I'm definitely not someone who gives myself verbal pep talks or leaves written affirmations on my bathroom mirror so getting into the right headspace for this was a bit of a challenge in itself.

Day Two

By the second day I actually looked forward to listening to my affirmations. I popped in my earbuds when I first woke up and listened to my short playlist before even getting out of bed. I usually grab my phone and immediately start checking my emails and scrolling through social media so the practice instantly helped me 'wake up on the right side of the bed' so to speak.

Day Three

Honestly, I can't believe how easy it was to stop scrolling on social media when I started listening to these affirmations.

Instead of waking up crabby, worried about my workload for the day, and quietly judging strangers on social media, I looked forward to having a coffee in bed, enjoying my partner's company, and thinking about all the potential the day has to offer.

Day Four

I actually fell asleep during the affirmations this moming-which wasn't my intention at all, but there's a ton of construction going on outside my building and I guess trying to listen to affirmations at 6 am just isn't my thing. That said, during my weird interrupted morning nap, I ended up dreaming about the exact affirmations I was listening to. I don't think that's at all how you're supposed to practice morning affirmations but I still woke up in a pretty decent mood-even in spite of the annoying construction outside.

video and resources

youtube

here is a tip if ur trying the 10,000 affirmations thing! 400 x 10 = 4,000 sooo you can listen to a subliminal/ aff tapes 10 times which can give you 4000+ affirmations already. (depends which subliminal though)

use @rosellesworkshop the void challenge

cr to @thespiritualgyalss and @td on twitter

love, jade

#loa motivation #the void state #neville goddard #manifestation #mindset #manifesting #law of attraction #affirmations #law of assumption #10k affirmations #10k affirmation challenge #subliminalaffirmations #subliminalresults #subliminals #affirmation tapes #Youtube

324 notes · View notes

builtbymachine · 5 months

Text

let me tell you guys a story. on may 6th of 2022, i decided to DM @tripthelightfandomtastic. it started of normal, me telling her how i loved her work and how i thought she seemed cool and i wanted to be friends. over the next month or so, it of course evolved into a bit of a flirtationship(horny on tumblr, yknow?). we moved from tumblr to texting and snapchatting. we talked pretty much daily. around june or july, we realized we both live im the same state(rare!) and we decided that maybe we should meet and see how things go.

move to september, max comes to visit me. it was the best weekend i had had in years. we hit it off indtantly. we spoke like we had been friends for years. we understood each others jokes, music tastes, memes, thoughts; i mean everything matched up. we were instantly best friends. after max went home, our friendship immediately soared. we spoke constantly, facetimed regularly, knew each others schedules all of it. we very quickly became each others safe space. as the months went by, everything kept getting better and better.

may 2023. we went to shaky knees together with some friends for my birthday. my friends loved her. they all had an instant connection too(they all met in december) that made me incredibly happy. that trip was the best trip of my life and i started to think, "oh fuck, maybe this is more than friendship to me" but i tried to leave it alone. shocker; i couldnt. i had brought it up to max before, but neither of us were ready for anything serious and i was okay with that. i was happy and thats what mattered.

june 2023. i realized i needed help. as happy as i felt, my brain wasnt happy. i needed to talk to a doctor. max not only encouraged me; but she was there to talk to me thru everything. i got on anti depressants(woohoo!) and she stuck by my side through all the weird trials of medication. she believed in me and encouraged me in my lowest moments. i was able to better myself because of her.

september(ish) 2023. i went through one of the toughest friendship breakups of my life. max heard everything i had to say and let me sit and cry for hours about it, making sure i was okay before hesding ti bed. she offered solutions and support. checked on me daily. made sure i was in a good headspace and did her overall best to cheer me up. i went to see max in her hometown and meet her family. i love them. we all got to hangout and just vibe and it was amazing

october 2023. acl. i got to see my all time favorite band with my favorite person. sobbing uncontrollably to Everlong, she held me while i was living the best moment of my life. i didnt want it with anyone else(except my mom). then, we had matching outfits for halloween!!!!! she met more of my friends in the midst of everything and of course, they all love her(how could they not). im pretty sure they like her more than me lol.

december 2023. we met up in austin this past weekend. when she left, i told her i was in love with her. yesterday; she told me she felt the same. i am the happiest ive been. thank you tumblr for bringing her to me.

heres to you, baby. i love you.

23 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 2 years

Text

vascarl

Very interested in hearing more about enforced idleness.

All right, let’s talk about rest, stress, guilt, kink, and religion! :D

We’re going to need to start with submission, so bear with me.

A little context: I am not truly in the kink community but I spent several years as a submissive friend’s chaperone/muscle, and I have a lot of friends who are specifically into D/s. Because it’s not really my thing but I was immersed in it, I spent time puzzling out what made a person want to dominate or submit, and particularly what was attractive about submission, which on the surface didn’t seem super pleasant to me at first.

Before we go any further, let’s acknowledge that there are a wide range of reasons people get into kink in general and submission in particular, so I am not speaking about all submissives here. I am speaking only about one common reason people are attracted to submission.

A common reason for submission is the relief that can be gained from giving up control. In this form, the submissive consciously cedes control to someone else, which relieves them of a stressful mental load: they have no decisions to make, they have no responsibilities except very specific and clear ones they are given, and generally if they do have tasks they are very clear-cut and achievable, rewarded with praise. (I elaborate on this somewhat in some of my fic, particularly If I Don’t Wake Up Dead and later parts of Exquisite, although it also crops up significantly if non-sexually in Fete For A King).

Often, submissives who benefit from this situation come from backgrounds of power, where they are tasked with a lot of decision making or responsibility; sometimes they’re simply anxious people who struggle to stop worrying about things on their own. Being able to give that up for a period of time can be attractive, but may also require a significant amount of work to get into that headspace, which is where a Dom comes in. There needs to be another person one trusts to take that burden and keep it and give it back when appropriate.

However -- particularly if you aren’t interested in sexual or even physical activity linked to submission, and if you’re willing to put in a bit of work, it is possible to relinquish not only responsibility, but the stress and guilt associated with relinquishing responsibility, for a period of time, on one’s own. When I offhandedly mentioned “enforced idleness” (which is not a great term for it), that’s what I was talking about.

Sometimes at this point in my little TEDtalk people are like “I don’t really follow” so here’s a quickie sidebar: If you have ever heard the slogans “One day at a time” or “Let go and let God” or even “Jesus take the wheel”, that’s this form of submission. There are a lot of religious groups (mainly Christian in my experience but by no means confined to Christianity) which offer submission to a deity as a meaningful form of relief from the stress of life. I mention this because I find many people who don’t understand submission in a kink sense understand it fine in a religion sense. The relief you feel when you place something you’re worried about at the feet of some other power than your own, however temporarily, knowing that this other power will hold it for you so you don’t have to...that’s submission.

(And for religious folks who are feeling super uncomfortable about seeing themselves in what I just said, I’m not trying to say you’ve got a kink for God or anything, what you’re doing is fine and normal and a perfectly reasonable expression of faith. I’m just saying, this all comes from the same place in the weird human hindbrain, and we talk a lot more openly about religion than we do about kink.)

In any case, as someone who isn’t kinky or religious I still found a way to employ this technique in my life. I’m in a fairly self-driven job and I live alone -- and, as it turns out, I have ADHD, which adds a layer of stress and cognitive load to my life. So I found it useful, if difficult at first, to be able to take time away from Doing Tasks and also from the guilt that I’m Not Doing Tasks. Because I’m not really all that great at trusting people in general, I’ve always been a bit on my own when it came to managing it, so I improvised and learned tricks and techniques.

I used to love to travel by train because until recently (and definitely prior to smartphones) most Amtrak trains didn’t have internet, meaning that I was severely limited in the amount of work I could do even if I enjoyed it. I could write, if I brought my laptop, but couldn’t research, answer email, participate in social media, etc. If I wanted, I could just stare out the window for hours, at peace with the world because it was not currently my job to be doing anything in the world other than existing.

Sometimes I set an alarm (so I don’t even have to worry about watching a clock) and mentally log off for a bit if I'm feeling super stressed, basically giving myself permission not to do anything -- not to expect anything of myself -- for a short period of time. This sounds a bit like meditation but is not meditation as we commonly think of it; I'm not focused on inner anything or counting breathing or being still or “succeeding” at something that it turns out I’m actually very bad at (I have a real problem with meditative techniques that begin with sitting upright because I find it very uncomfortable physically). It’s just a period of time where I do what pleased me, and only what pleased me, forbidden from doing anything else.

Eventually I reached a point where I could do something like take a “sick day” and drop myself into that space for a whole day without needing to be physically cut off from reality. I spend the day in bed or on the sofa, reminding myself whenever I get restless that I am “sick” and unable to work, fulfill obligations, clean house, or run errands. Again, I'm not usually doing nothing; I’m playing games or scrolling tumblr or reading a book I want to read or watching a movie I want to watch, but it has to be something I do not feel compelled to do out of guilt or responsibility (I can scroll tumblr but I have permission not to engage with any of it, etc). I’m not watching movies I’ve told people I'll watch; I’m watching, like, Desk Set for the 300th time.

Coming out of that mental space can be difficult, but generally speaking I also come back refreshed and better for it. It takes practice and it’s not for everyone, but if it seems appealing or if it feels like something you already do unconsciously, being conscious and deliberate about it can be very helpful in relieving stress and providing comfort.

#sam has adhd #mental health #not honestly sure what else to tag this #especially that won't bring unwanted attention from specific corners of tumblr #vascarl

418 notes · View notes