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onesidedradiostatic · 2 months

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aromantic alastor headcanons for aro-week (with some ace in there as well, because I think for alastor those things are so entwined, it's hard to separate them):

tried going out with girls a couple of times when he was alive, to make his mother happy, but always found a way to extricate himself from the attachment. this ties into his learning how to have complete control over any situation he's in

I wonder as well about whether or not he "passed" as white, or whether his community knew that he was creole, and how that affected his dating opportunities, and his paranoia, his need to be in control, basically his constant hyper-vigilance

got a lot of fanmail for his radio host work, women (and men, but more furtively) loooved his voice. this was acceptable, because (apart from some of the weirder ones) he could use this as a metric for how accepted he was in society, as well as how well he was passing -- both in terms of race and orientation, but also youknow, as someone who is definitely not clockable as a serial killer

although of course we know he also enjoyed company. he'd go out drinking and dancing a lot. was mimzy a bit in love with him? I just like the idea that people kept being incredibly taken with his charm and his politeness and his poise, because he does have all those traits. whether he notices...? (no). I mention this point not so much as headcanon, I just like that alastor as aroace and repulsed on both of those points, was never a shut-in about it. he's always been very lively (ha) and outgoing, and clearly likes being in the company of others... but maybe that last point has gotten to be a little difficult during his time in hell, due to having to be so careful about showing any kind of emotional "weakness." speaking of...

post-death became a more extreme version of himself -- that is, a man on a mission to be in control and create emotional distance between himself and others through the power of voice, rather than having to faff about pretending emotional connections where there were none. very suited for hell because of his precarious political lived reality whilst alive, and because hell is built on who has power and who doesn't. these are rituals he understands better than the strange romantic ones during life

the smile as mask and unhealthy coping mechanism -- wonder if when he was alive people swooned over his having a lovely smile (as well as its being useful to placate and to disorient people who had more violent intentions, and in both cases potentially to lure in victims). so the smile likewise became the most extreme version of itself. the smile in essence as the signifier of someone who doesn't fit into any boxes and needs to hide that fact, both by being mixed race and aroace, but then the smile itself becomes something that effectively owns him, because he literally cannot let it drop, ever (honestly if alastor ever stops smiling, it'll be the biggest gasp moment on this show)

all that being said, surprising connections do occur: rosie, I think, sees through him from the beginning, and she's so disarming (ha, disarming... cannibal joke) that she never feels like a threat + they're both cannibals, so there's a relaxed kinship there and maybe she reminds him of the parts of home he (secretly) misses a bit

I wonder how rosie figured out that alastor wasn't into dating. I think at first she might have thought he was gay, but then quite quickly seen that that's not it, he doesn't even like men much, and she feels like she's been around the block enough to piece together peoples' natures from one of a million other people she's known, so way before she knows the terminology, she knows, and crucially, she never judges or tries to force the point

I wonder how vox and alastor met -- whether vox was able to gain power on his own and this attracted alastor's attention, or if alastor saw something of himself (that turned out to be surface level) in vox, that is, they both wear smiles as masks, they're both presenters, their mediums may be different, but their aims feel similar. perhaps alastor was comfortable enough in hell at this point -- probably in a way he never was whilst alive -- that he was feeling magnanimous towards what must have felt a bit like an upstart. and most importantly, the constraints of alloromantic ideas are a comfortable 20 years in the past by now, alastor can barely remember that this was ever anything that was expected of him, or that others' could possibly feel about him

cue vox falling head over heels, the way people so often did while he was alive, and he... does not notice at all (barely a headcanon). I kind of feel like I don't have much to say on these two, because this blog is already a treasure trove of vox and alastor hcs!

I think rosie is the only one who knows alastor is aroace, although... maybe husk? not in so many words, but he knows alastor isn't interested in those things. nifty Does Not Notice Nor Care (in a good way). charlie i will forever think will at some point do a deep-dive on modern queer lingo and get everyone flags (this is practically word of god canon considering that older piece of art you shared). vox definitely doesn't know. val....... sort of kinda knows but in an evil way. vaggie does not care, but she'd be chill about it. mimzy... I don't think knows, mainly because she never cared to think about his behaviours, as someone who's quite self-centered on what alastor is to her. jeez, who am i missing... angel, does not know, head empty

speaking of angel, I think if he ever found out, especially with where he's at in his journey rn, would be very unhappy in some way about having stepped over his boundaries so often so casually at the beginning. dunno how he'd act about it, but i like the idea of vigilantly (and crudely, and bluntly) supportive angel if they ever manage to get alastor out on the town. more on the ace side of things but i can see him going: "do not try to fuck this guy! this guy is unfuckable!"

(i like hypersexual and deeply romantic angel + sex and romance repulsed alastor as unlikely friendship in my head. opposites finding common ground type stuff is always good)

at the end of the day, alastor living and dying in an amatonormative world and having to orient himself within that by building walls that persist/worsen after his death because of the culture of hell being predicated on who controls whom, veeeeery slowly discovering that he can be vulnerable on his own terms without people demanding things from him that he cannot give (smthinsmthin the hotel gang as the opposite of vox in that sense -- not only that sense, but also that)

also something about imagining his mother hoping he'd find a nice girl and settle down (in the way parents often do, because that's the metric of happiness right.....) and how he never could give her what she wanted, and maybe feels some very locked away guilt about that, which he thinks he'll never be able to deal with because his mother is in heaven, but perhaps in this story she'll get to see what he's built with the people at the hotel and that's really all she wanted for him in the end

OH MY GOD ANON THIS IS ALL SO GOOD?? THANK YOU SO MUCH HAHAHA. happy aro week everyone!! (x2)

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dross-the-fish · 2 months

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Started hanging out with some new friends in a Discord server on days when work from home is slow but I'm not able to leave my desk to draw or write, and I'm honestly surprised by how good of a time I've been having, how at ease I feel. This is the first friend group I've had where most of, if not all of, the people in it are queer in ways that are similar to myself, and not just cisgendered gay or bisexual people, but people who are also non-binary/genderfluid and on the aro/ace spectrum. After a lifetime of being friends with people who were mostly straight or gay and almost all of them cis except for maybe the odd binary-transperson all of whom are allosexual. It also made me realize that I've been walling myself off from most of my old high school friends for the duration of our relationship and haven't even noticed it. I always tend to sit and let little comments slide because I don't want to get into a debate or call too much attention to aspects of myself I'm still figuring out. Dealing with behaviors that were vaguely phobic and excusing them as my friends just "not knowing better," because they seemed well intended otherwise and nothing said was overt. Feeling like before I presented ace characters to them that I needed to have some justification and explanation at the ready and brace myself for people to try and tell me that "well this character can still have sex right?" or "What's the point of making x aromantic?" because they were allosexual and alloromantic and couldn't enjoy characters that weren't "available" in that way. Debates about whether asexuality should even be part of the LGBTQ spectrum weren't common, but they happened. Being made to feel like not being attracted to my partner was unfair to my partner because "everyone deserves to feel attractive to the people who love them." "A stands for Allies" is a thing that came out of one friend's mouth. "Non-binary is trans-lite," is another. "I could never love someone I wasn't attracted to, it must suck so bad to have that part of you missing." When I eventually came out as gender fluid, they seemed accepting but never bothered to use masc pronouns because I still accept fem ones. So they just felt free to ignore my gender all together and one of them even slipped and tried to correct someone who called me "sir" because it was that easy for her to forget, even with me standing right there in a chest binder and men's clothing.

There was always been an element of being ready to defend myself, of weighing my words before I spoke them and agonizing over whether I'd have to hear empty platitudes, excuses of people just "not being used to it" and an obvious, palpable discomfort that no one was willing to unlearn, that would be left for me to bear and to feel like I was at fault for creating by simply existing. And I never noticed it because it was so prevalent and it was still preferable to the blatant hostility most of the conservative population around here has for the LGBTQ community. I can talk to these people about every other thing under the sun, call them when I'm in trouble and they'll help me and turn to them for advice and support in every other area...but the little things still matter. Even when I told myself they didn't. Being around people and feeling like I can be unguarded is such a bizarre feeling that I'm almost afraid of it. Hearing one person talk about how an aromatic character I write isn't broken and wanting strongly for that character to be told that by somebody made me want to cry. Being asked if I would prefer couple art to be sfw vs nsfw because the asexuality of one character was taken into consideration actually felt like a big deal because NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. I didn't know these things mattered so much until they happened and now I feel I'm at a crossroads and debating if I should make the effort to advocate more for myself among some of my old friends. Acceptance matters, community matters. I always knew this intellectually but it's a whole different level now that I've experienced it. I've learned that it matters to me.

#Ramble #Asexual #Aromantic #LGBTQ personal

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amusingmusie · 2 months

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Hello! I'm a big fan of your work "Yours Truly" on Ao3 & your character Penelope, probably like the rest of us here!

So, as we all know, Alastor is someone who is on the asexual spectrum– a real shocker, I know! [/s] But there's a question that's been bugging me for a while, and that is 'what sexuality is Nel'? Because I SWEAR on my life I saw a post saying that she is bisexual, but I cannot seem to find it– so I don't know if that's a fragment of my imagination, and I have entirely made that up... Or that's an actual thing that has been stated and I simply forgot lmao!

I hope that isn't something weird to ask! And, if I really DID make that up, then I'm sorry for bothering you with all those questions!

BUT ALSO, just in case my mind isn't actually playing tricks on me- would you say that Nel is 'aware' of her attraction to women? That she recognizes it as the same attraction she feels towards men, as we see with Alastor– or does she pay it no mind? Not in a "actively ignoring it" way, just a "I've never really thought about it for various reasons"– because we do see Nel being quite open minded in your work, like when she confronts Alastor about the altar for his ancestors without any real judgement! She seems very tolerant and willing to learn about the 'unknown'! Did she have a very sudden realization that 'oh shit, (unspecified lady) is HOT what the hell-", or did her attraction manifest in more subtle ways throughout her life? Obviously, I doubt she would ever put a label on her feelings, simply because of the realities of the times in which "Yours Truly" takes place– similarly to how Alastor (even in Hell) isn't aware of the more 'modern' labels for his sexual attraction, or rather the lack of it!

All in all, Nel is an amazing character, no matter her sexuality– you really made her feel like a real person! She doesn't feel shallow or flat like some characters in fanfiction often do– she has both positive and negative aspects of her character, which make her interactions with the people around her all the more entertaining to read! Especially with Alastor– but I must say, I am also a big fan of her relationship with Grace! I am a sucker for siblings that genuinely care & love each other, but who also can be jokingly mean, and well... Act like real siblings would! I find that most fanfictions follow either the "siblings who absolutely despise each (especially if they are both women, for some reason)" trope, or the "siblings who are sickeningly sweet with one another".

I see that I have written quite a long wall of text– I hope I didn't completely bore you out of your mind! Have a nice day/night, and remember to prioritize your health & mental wellbeing! Toodles! <33

I rub my hands together like a grubby little fly.

You didn't make it up! Nel is technically bisexual (and on the aro/ace spectrum). It's not something I've explicitly written in my fic since she's not even aware of it- that lady grew up in the backwoods in the early 19th century USA. Not saying she couldn't figure it out, she just really doesn't think about it? Like you said, Al is like "huh" when his sexuality is labeled, so is she lol. Eventually she might kinda blink and go "oooooooh" but I don't think it's a big spoiler to say she found her person with Alastor, so while it's an important discovery that's part of her identity, she's happily unhappy with that fucker.

But that's not to say she's unaware of the LGBTQ community or that she's discriminatory towards them! Part of her defining personality is that she is very accepting and if Grace came home with a girl she would not bat an eye. Bonus points if the girl can't get her pregnant lmao. Nel thinks a win is a win.

All in all, I'm a lesbian, and the majority of my OCs have a little sugar in their tanks whether they realize it or not (even if they're unhappily/happily stuck with a stinky deer man) <3

Also, I'm glad you like Grace! I know sibling characters can be hit or miss, but she's integral to the story so I couldn't get rid of her.

Thanks for the cool ask :)

#my asks #hey tag readers fun fact!#grace and I share a middle name #lmao only like 2 people know that #now you do too

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asexual-society · 2 years

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So recently I discovered the wonders of asexuality, which fits me very well! Some of this may be hard for me to talk about, but here we go! So, I know for a fact that I don't feel any sexual attraction to anyone, but I have high libido, and I still feel very comfortable imagining having sex with other people, no one in particular. (I should mention that I'm a 19 year old male, and have not had any sex or any forms of relationships with anyone), so that should make me Cupiosexual right? But how does that work, could it resemble a friends with benefits relationship? Also, I'm having a hard time figuring out if I am aromantic or not, maybe you guy can help me out? So, I have no repulsive nor positive reaction to romance because I have never experienced it before. I am fine with being hugged and holding hands with family, although hugging and kissing on the cheek feel more embarrassing and awkward, but isn't that normal? And I don't have any reactions to romance in movies or real life, nothing seems over-the-top when it comes down to relationships, but I don't think it would make sense for me to be asexual and yet never feeling attraction in any form despite all the people I have met in school and college who are conventionally hot under societal norms. Could it be an age thing? I'm 19 after all. I should also mention, I only feel like I'm missing out because I just don't know if I am capable of responding to romance yet, or if I even should. I am confused about how someone might get into a relationship and what that relationship might look like for an asexual since I lack sexual attraction altogether. I know there are more than romantic and sexual attraction, but is it more like "if you know, you know?" or do you have to go out of your way to establish a relationship with someone, taking the steps to then work into a Queerplatonic Relationship? (I have not felt any desire to be with anyone I have met beyond, "yep conventionally they are pretty, and they are a good friend, maybe we can be together.") I think I'm just lost between figuring out if I can expect a relationship or not. My last question is, why is it that I still feel straight, even though I am asexual, I know I don't have any attraction to any gender, but there is still something I can't pinpoint where I am certain I wouldn't be into guys at all. Should I identify as Asexual rather than straight? I know I can choose whatever labels I want, but what would be the theoretically correct identity?

Any comments are appreciated, this is still very new for me, and I just want to thank everyone doing their part to answer my questions, and other new community member's questions, and for being so supportive! I have family members who are LGBTQ, and I'm legit so happy to finally join the community! Embracing the love! ~Another Annon

Cupiosexual refers to someone who is asexual but desires a sexual relationship, you could also use 'sex favourable' if you like/want to have sex, it could totally resemble a FwB type relationship if you wanted, or be as part of a romantic relationship if you'd prefer!

I actually relate a lot to what you're feeling about being aro, I find the idea of being in a romantic relationship embarrassing, but I don't really know how usual that is for alloros, although now I know I don't want that I really don't think about it often. When I was figuring out my orientation, I was sure I couldn't be both aro AND ace, because I do feel strong attraction to some people, but it might benefit you to look more into tertiary attraction, you finding people hot might be sexual/romantic, but it could also just be aesthetic attraction. Don't worry about being too young though, most allo people have experienced some form of romantic attraction well before they're 19, and I personally was only 17 when I figured out that I was aro (most queer people I know knew their sexuality well before that too), but there's a chance that if you haven't felt it yet, that it might not happen at all. But that's okay! Being aro or on the aro spectrum can be a big adjustment to get used to and the fear of missing out can be pretty strong, but just know that if you are aro you're not deficient or missing out on anything, it's just a part of you, and you're life will not be any less meaningful because of it.

For some people sex is an important part of a relationship, but for others it isn't. Plenty of ace people are in romantic relationships, and plenty of aros are in sexual ones, finding any type of relationship can be tricky to navigate as an aspec person, and I don't have much advice on how to get into one as someone who has never been in one, nor am I actively seeking one out. I'm more of an "if it happens it happens" kinda guy, but I know that's not very helpful. If you find someone you like, even if you're not sure what that 'Like' is, being open with them and seeing where your feelings take you might be a good way to go, you don't need a label if you don't know exactly where it fits, although what you're describing ("they're pretty I guess we could date") is what we call "picking someone to have a crush on", and if you're thinking that, you're probably not romantically attracted to them. That's still okay, but worth thinking about. If you find someone you want to hold hands with but not kiss that's cool, and if you want to have sex with them rather than cuddle that's fine too! Queerplatonic is an intentionally vague label that can be anything you want it to be as long as the relationship is roughly non-romantic imo.

Once again, look into tertiary attraction! If you're a guy who feels attracted in some way to girls that might be alterous, aesthetic, or sensual attraction, some aroace people feel like they are still 'oriented' in some way, so some people feel like their tertiary attraction is more towards one gender, so straight or gay, or they feel more bi or pan, despite not feeling sexual or romantic attraction to those genders. If you're ace you can absolutely call yourself that rather than straight, regardless of whether you're aro or not, although if you are also aro I wouldn't call that 'straight' in the traditional sense anyway. I like men in a way that doesn't feel straight to me, but it took me a long time of becoming comfortable in my aromanticism and asexuality (and my gender too!) to reach a point where I could say that I do just like guys. Sort of. Again, you don't have to put a label on it if it's not helpful to you, but these are just some options.

Sorry for the essay and the wait I'm still suffering the loss of the lgbta wiki 😅, but I hope this was helpful in some way. Good luck!

- mod key

#asexual #aromantic #cupiosexual #oriented aroace #asks #mod key

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aroflux-culture-is · 3 years

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hi not a submission but an ask. How do you know if you're aroflux rather than greyro?

I've been using aro/(grey)ace for a few months but I'm not sure I feel valid as either aro or ace sometimes (more often as aro) because I'm not totally opposed to romance or sex and I will read stuff with both involved and it depends on the day if I'm repulsed listening to my friends talking about it. But, I also would not want to even consider sex unless it was in a relationship with strong romantic feelings for them (which sometimes feels very conflicting). Some days I feel really lonely and like if I don't one day fall in love and get married and all that I'll feel like I'm missing something but then a few minutes later I'll be like Nah I just wanna share a house with a friend in uni and after graduation working together (we're both doing teaching degrees for high school) and I don't know what that's considered as because as weird as it may sound I will watch a movie and sometimes be like I would date him but then it will fade in a day or 2 or on a rare occasion its a "crush" that just doesn't really go away

I'm sorry it starts getting a bit like a rant I'm just very confused and sick of being told I must be Bi (🤷‍♀️)

hi anon!!!!! as an aroace who often has shifts in how i feel about a romance, i can promise you, from both my experience and reading the experiences of so so many other people in the aro community, all the things you’re describing are perfectly valid aro experiences!

there are many aromantic people who aren’t opposed to having a romantic relationship, and who even actively want one! i know a lot of aro people who want relationships, like romance, and id as aro, greyro, and/or smth else too! if you want to id as both greyro and aroflux, go for it! both are completely valid labels and if you want to use them together, you don’t have to decide between either of them!

and, i know it’s very common for aro people to assure each other that we’re not missing out, that we’re no less whole, and that’s true of course, but it’s okay to feel like you’re missing out. feeling insecure in your identity is something every queer person goes through, and it’s not necessarily something you should ignore. you don’t owe bold queer acceptance you just owe yourself the time and patience to accept yourself.

so- you can still be arospec and like romance sometimes! and it can fluctuate! and you can still be aro! please believe me when i tell you that’s the experience of so many aro people! you are valid, and i can’t tell you how to identify, but i can tell you that trust me, you are free to identify in whatever way you’d like!

#aroflux #greyromantic #greyro #aro #aromantic #arospec #aspec #questioning

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specialagentartemis · 3 years

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Carnival of Aros Round-Up from October 2020: Prioritization

The October 2020 Carnival of Aros theme, “Prioritization,” hosted by @jay-aro, was a powerful one, and inspired many thoughtful responses - on the priorities of using different labels, on coming out, on using different community spaces, on getting married, and more. However, a roundup of all the submissions was never collected. Though I was not the host of that month’s Carnival, I thought it was a shame to see so many great entries languish, so here they are rounded up together for the first time.

🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿

Michelle (Quiet ‘n’ Queer): Why identifying as aromantic is important to me (as a 36-year-old woman)

As I get older, it’s my aromanticism that makes me feel queer in the world. My peers, siblings and cousins are coupling up and settling down, and here I remain, steadfastly single.

Allos (menacingaro): COA 10/2020: Identity Prioritization

As someone who prioritizes my aromantic identity over any part of my sexual orientation and sometimes my own gender mayhem, I often find myself in some level of… I wouldn’t say conflict as much as I would say difference from most of the rest of the lgbtq+/queer circles I interact with.

Coyote (theacetheist): Not a Priority

This post, too, is about priorities, but to be more specific, it’s largely a post about deprioritizing. It’s post about my decision to deprioritize the romantic orientation model, and it’s a post about quoiromantic aces like me being deprioritized by a community that likes to claim us, and it’s a post about why getting hitched (as in married) is a logistical priority for me in way that has nothing to do with what gets prioritized in aro community discourse. It’s about politics and it’s about financial insecurity and it’s about the thought of dying. It’s about saying, and being, not a priority.

Kate (venatrixlunaris): Being Asked to Prioritize

I can't "prioritize" one orientation, my aromanticism or asexuality, over each other; that's not how I understand my own experience. And finding spaces like PillowFort and the ace blogosphere that don't ask me to, that give me the space to figure out how to talk about it, has been liberating. I have yet to find any aro spaces that allow me the same feeling of freedom to be my whole self.

HM (drivingthesehillsaway): Carnival of aros submission: October 2020

I’ve only had this label for a few months, but it’s so important to me. When I first discovered that I was asexual, I inhaled all the content I could find. But when I discovered that I was aromantic, I was running out of content very quickly.

aro-and-ace-memes-thoughts: Carnival of Aros October 2020: prioritization

Shifting my prioritization to aromanticism and engaging more with the aromantic community was very positive to me. The main focus on the aro community isn’t much “having sex without romance” (or like, isn’t comparable to the alloace focus on the ace community), but more the fact that we have few or no crushes, that is what we all have in common.

Sennkestra (nextstepcake): Identification For Whose Sake

In particular, my relationship with aromanticism is complicated by the fact that I prioritize my aromantic identity in community and activism work largely for the sake of others, and only secondarily for myself.

CharCharChar (charcharcharace): Internalized Arophobia: Be Nice

I realized prioritizing aromanticism (and becoming happier by shaking off my internalized arophobia) was something I wanted to do - but not yet. Self-growth isn't a race. There isn't a cut off date.

Briar Fenrirsbur (keeperofmykeys): Deprioritization

While I can find words to label my experience of romantic attraction and sexual attraction (and I have been able to use varioriented descriptions in the past), I don’t have a sense that my identity is split, really. I did the Questioning and the bi/pan/poly/omni ‘what am I?’ cycling when I was younger, and the simple answer is that I’m not straight.

Autumn (arias-hollow): Carnival of Aros: Prioritization

I'd say that my aromanticism has actually become increasingly important over time, as I used to be unsure if I was really aro/if knowing my romantic orientation was really important back when I only id'd as asexual, but now it's the identity I think about the most.

totakeke-mori: Carnival of aros 2020, prioritization

I think best of my aromanticism because it helped me put a word on what has always defined “me”.

🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿 🌿

If I missed yours, let me know - and be sure to check out the July 2021 Carnival of Aros prompt, “Education”!

#Carnival of Aros #aro #aromanticism #aromantic #long post

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angelsndragons · 3 years

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Day 1

Day 1 of the Caduceus Clay celebration week, folks, so you know what that means: I get to gush about my favorite character. I did warn y’all I would word vomit.

So, what does Caduceus mean to me?

Well.

My brother lives in a separate state and has for several years now. We talked on the phone pretty much every day but we still missed each other a lot. One of the last things he did to me in person was introduce me to D&D. I loved it. It gave me a community away from home and a way to meet new people and form new friendships in new areas. I would tell him all about my weekly game shop adventures, he would tell me about the homebrew campaign he was in online. He also told me about this little show called Critical Role. I, like the dumb oldest sibling I can be, pretty much ignored it, outside letting him talk to me about it and engaging with it secondhand. Then, my brother’s party lost one of their players. They were down to four players and no full casters, just a gunslinger, a barbarian, a monk, and a non-healer warlock. Things started getting dicey. Like, really dicey. He worried with me over how close their fights were getting and how he felt it was only a matter of time until someone legit died and they couldn’t do anything about it. So, I asked, “Well, can you ask them if I could play? You’re looking for someone and we’re looking to try to do something together, it could work out.” Two years later, that campaign is going strong and (thankfully) no one has died yet.

I bring up this context because it matters: I rolled up a level 10 Grave Cleric. I had never played a cleric before but I had wanted to before my game shop sessions fell apart. And here I was, willingly thrown into the deep end of one of the most complex subclasses of one of the most complex classes in the game. And initially, I was not happy with it. Not just because there was a lot to learn but because of sheer mechanics. By rote, I could not keep up with the damage that the rest of my party was doing. At all. My high level spells weren’t doing much more damage than my freaking cantrips and I just felt stuck. I wanted to contribute outside of healing but really just couldn’t. I shared my frustrations with my brother, who, being the little troll he is, said, “Well, you know Critical Role has a Grave Cleric now, right?” So, to start this love fest, Caduceus taught me how to be a better cleric and because of that, I will never be able untangle the character from my relationship with my brother. Even if he died tomorrow or went evil or whatever, I would still be fond of him just for that.

I don’t remember which episode of campaign 2 I first watched all the way through. I know I started paying attention around Fjord’s chicken game and was fully on board with the series by Yasha’s loss in the pit fight. What I do remember is Caduceus. I remember being drawn in by this guy for some reason I still can’t articulate.

Caduceus is a complex character who is difficult to fully understand and love. People have said unkind things about him, about how he is a glorified NPC or that he is boring or that there is just no ‘there’ there or that he should just go home already. I have seen people say that they think Taliesin should go back to the drawing board and come back with a ‘better’ character, one who vibes better with the group or something. And the sad thing is, I can kind of see where these people are coming from. Understanding Caduceus and what Taliesin is doing with him requires people to pay attention to him, to actively think about him both when he is and is not in the spotlight. And that is hard. Because Caduceus is that character who aggressively tries to divert attention from himself. So right away, we have this tension, this push/pull when it comes to engaging with him. And I do love me a challenge in my favorites. Also love the polite but judgmental assholes who have Opinions they would never say but nevertheless own.

For me, Caduceus’ arc has been about duty and desire, what duty means, how to prioritize yourself, and how to grow. Caduceus’ interrogation of identity as it relates to duty and his blossoming as a person fascinate me most. What is your duty, really? What does it mean to find balance in your life? How do you take down the walls you built to protect yourself? Where do you end and where does your duty begin? What does faith look like outside a strictly Western/Christian lens? Can we find ourselves in other people? What does it mean to grow beyond your wildest imagination and the people you love most?

Caduceus begins the show as a passive, apathetic shadow of a man who has cloaked those traits in duty in order to not deal with his feelings. He had basically grown up in a literal paradise on earth where the problems of the world couldn’t reach or affect him. Until they did. Until his family left. Until the Nein crashed into his temple. Caduceus makes the choice to basically leave paradise, at the Wildmother’s urging, sure, and experience the world in all its messy beauty and ugliness. It is nothing like he expected. It is hard, it is cruel, it tries to drown him at every opportunity. It is also good, the animals, the people, the experiences he has. Hearing Marion sing, learning of a lighthouse to the Wildmother (which he does not fully appreciate yet, this light in the dark storm). Caduceus spends his first chunk of episodes waking up, seeing life outside of paradise. I love these early episodes because they demonstrate just how far Caduceus has actually come (can’t imagine this guy buying an overly large pirate hat as a prank or helping the Traveler offload some followers through an elaborate ceremony, for example).

The crux of Caduceus’ midgame story right up until he saves his family is this: You’ve seen the world, young cleric, are you sure you want to continue to save it? You can go home and turn your back on all of this, what makes you stay in this imperfect world with these imperfect people? We see this a lot, in the questions he asks the Gentleman, in his insistence they save Yasha, in his newfound appreciation and companionship in Fjord, in making the Xhorhaus a home, in his dealings with the stone giants, in his determination to help Nott and her family. And this is the part that made me love him because Caduceus doesn’t shy away from these moments or tough questions. Like most of what he does, he contemplates them quietly and lets his actions speak for him. Caduceus allows himself to get involved, to become invested.

Caduceus’ new major arc is his realization that he is not just some vessel, some passive thing through which the Wildmother’s will will flow. No, he learns that he has to make choices, that he can affect change, and that if he wants this messy, beautiful world to get better, he is going to have to do something about it. Not just wait for Her to tell him it is okay. Taking ownership of his future and what that means to him have shaped Caduceus these last thirty or so episodes. Caduceus has blossomed so damn much. He continued with the Nein because he wanted to, and that led to the discovery of the Astral Sea City. (side note: Anyone want to take a gander what would be happening right now if Caduceus hadn’t been with them?) He not only felt his feelings towards the Nein, he began expressing them. From the man who refused to Scry or Send to his family to one who has a friend call up his sister and tell her he will be back, from the man who clung so tightly to his need to be useful to the Nein to one who openly declares how much he loves these people and how reluctant he is to leave them, from a man who wanted to save his home to one who is trying to save the whole damn world, from a man who couldn’t articulate his feelings if you threatened him to one who is trying so hard communicate, from a man who needed saving from his own apathy and grief to one who saves others, this is who Caduceus Clay has become and I for one am excited to see how the next 100 episodes influence him.

Also I cannot end this word vomit without mentioning the fact that Caduceus being aroace and so warm, loving, and caring is so damn important. Because it is; there are too many people out there who think aros/aces are loveless robots or fake or whatever. And having this person, this caregiver, this annoying little brother, this compassionate man, to hold up against that kind of hate, ignorance, and indifference means more than I will ever be able to express.

#caduceus clay #cr caduceus #caduceus #caduceus meta #long post #critical role #critical role meta #caduceus clay week #cr campaign 2 #the mighty nein #my meta #it's like fjord said #caduceus inspires me #his arc is there people #he has grown as a person #and i am so dang proud of him

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timerainseternal · 3 years

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Who’s your favorite character of tua and why

I enjoy most of the characters in Umbrella Academy, but my favorite is Five! As for why, there are a lot of reasons, but I think, writing-wise it's because I don't know what he will do at any given moment, but I trust where he's going. This is a difficult balance to pull off, but I'll try to explain exactly what I mean and why I feel that way.

Firstly, I don't know what he'll do, which makes him interesting to watch. He's full of contradictions in many ways, he's very resourceful, and he's written as someone who is extremely smart. (Though another thing I find interesting is that unlike with many other "genius" characters, intelligence--as in knowledge or ability like with his scribbling-on-the-walls math--isn't his primary trait, at least not to me. Before that I would say that he is at least determined, as well as resourceful in a way that isn't linked strictly to book smarts. Instead, he's driven on sustained desperation that "geniuses" never seem to get in media, and even though he's so smart and generally competent, his plans often or always fail, which I actually made a whole post about. Even further, we know he's 58, so his knowledge is based not only on natural ability, but also a lot of work and time, which is also not the general presentation. We know he's smart, but figuring out time travel took him a whole lifetime.) Anyway, even his power set is...fluidly defined. I don't know what plans he will make, or what side effects will follow--only that, based on past experience, side effects will follow. As such, I'm very entertained watching him constantly pivoting and coming up with new ideas and plans, especially since I think he gets more plot turns than anyone else in the series, or at least is a more active force in those turns.

His choices also showcase the desperation that is at the core of him, and the moral greyness that comes from it. He's not bound by normal considerations like most of the others are; often, he doesn't even consider them. What might be off-limits to others isn't off-limits to him (which is like his powers in a funny kind of way). But really, it all stems from the fact of having lost everything with his 45-year stint in the apocalypse and the loneliness that comes from that. It's an interesting philosophical thought experiment. What are morals in a dead world? What are a few thousand people compared to the end of humanity? What are we if everything else gets stripped away?

And for Five, the answer is not in the violence we've seen him commit, but instead the love he shows. He was presented as a prickly genius who is smarter than everyone and knows everything (like he says to Allison in ep 1) and who is also a time-travelling assassin hardened by decades in a wasteland. We expect competence, cold calculation, and a near-complete lack of empathy. But then we meet Dolores, and we learn that he's doing everything for his family, and we see that everything he does is for love of other people. Specific other people, sure, but love nonetheless. And he isn't cool about it, isn't aloof; he's lost it all before, and he's desperate, and nothing he does--despite what most shows tell you about geniuses--really fixes any problem completely, and especially not the relationships that got broken when he left.

Yet even despite all that, he's also predictable in a way that lets me trust him. Obviously, as an audience, we see how pressing and devastating the apocalypse is. It's the end. Yet none of the other characters understand that the way we do, or the way Five does. His ultimate goal is to stop that from happening and protect his family, and given his life experience, I know that there is nothing that will stop him as long as he's around. I trust that his character will make decisions towards an end goal that I agree with as the audience, and that as long as that remains true, I know that even if I don't know where he's going with a plan, I can at least trust his intent. Even with the Commission, where he worked as an assassin and presumably murdered innocents, the end goal is great enough that it makes sense. Moreover, though, is that once we see that his motivation is for love and to protect, not from a place of sadism or superiority, and that he will even listen to others to find a less violent workaround (as with Luther in s1), I trust his intentions even more.

That's part of what makes the murder of the Board, and then the aftermath, so interesting: it's a study in contradiction, the urge to be violent and feel seen and effective and successful, contrasted with a sense of guilt and remorse and an understanding that it's not the best version of himself. He's warring with those instincts, but the writers have portrayed him in a way that allows for understanding and sympathy.

For another thing, as I think @the-aro-ace-arrow-ace mentioned, given his unique standing as both 13 and 58, he can't really have a romantic relationship to pull him away like the others can, nor do I think he would if he could, considering the timespan the show tends to give him. He's not really in the mindset for romance at all, and especially not a romance that would distract him from his goals. Not only was Dolores an extension of his own mind for a long time, but also was one he was willing to abandon, first going with the Handler, then again towards the end of season 1. Not only does this make his goals less likely to be swayed from what I, as an audience member, consider to be important, but also romance as the sort of "love at first sight, I will prioritize you over everyone else without any real merit behind it" is always a bit flimsy to me. Maybe I'm a little too aromantic to get it, but I generally find it a bit distracting at best unless done really well. (I did like Raymond and Allison as a couple. I thought that was done really well, where they had time and chemistry and respect for each other, and I enjoyed the time they spent together. It doesn't hurt that Allison is my second favorite, but it stands well even besides that. It's just a good relationship.)

Finally, all of that plays into Five's relationships with others. He isn't good at being a social creature (understandable), yet that's what he values most: his family. He wants to be empathetic--and in many cases he can be--but he's battling his own inability to be understood. He doesn't even fully understand himself in the world he left when he was a child. In a very real sense, he can't do what has become most important to him--not that his siblings are the best role models for communication. It makes sense, then, that he was able to seemingly connect with Reginald. Five wants to connect with the people he missed and felt like he wronged, no matter if he actually was in the wrong or not. He so often gets ignored/misunderstood/considered crazy that even as someone just watching that conversation, it felt cathartic for him to be listened to and taken seriously, even if I think Reginald is the absolute worst and that the best thing for him to do would be to stay dead. Five thought he was being the most rational of his siblings in that supper, but he didn't realize that his biases were as strong or stronger, and just had a different root. His relationships with others are his strongest desire/goal/motivator, but he has such a distorted perception of the way the world works on a daily, interpersonal level and also who he is in that world, that he can't really make it work right, and that's really neat to watch.

In my mind, also, what Five is looking for isn't actually his family from 2019. It isn't even his family from 2002, or at least not just them. I think that what he wants is to be who he was when he left, before he got stuck in the apocalypse. He wants his family because he loves them--I don't doubt that, and I don't want to discredit it--but also because I think in some sense he believes that if he can just be with them again, he can make things the way they used to be, the way he used to be. He's kind of like Luther in that regard, except that Luther is beginning to move on, and Five is stuck in it. The tragedy in this, of course, is that he's the time traveller here, and no matter what time he goes to, his only choice is forwards for himself. He can't go back, even if he reaches the exact moment he left. This, of course, is speculation--or analysis, if we use the kinder term--but I think it shows how much can be read into his character based on his choices and narrative arc, and that in itself is interesting whether it was intended or not.

So, that's an overly long answer to your question! It's Five because I think he's interesting, and I think he's interesting because the writers have backed themselves into a corner where he kind of has to be. I hope that was what you were looking for!

#asks #tua asks

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k-s-morgan · 4 years

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(1/5)Hi again!) Hm, I don't think that Merope could have influenced Tom that much? If we take for granted that his lack of impulse control and not-so-great-ability to fully comprehend the consequences of his own actions aren't the result of his upbringing and are the result of pre-born circumstances. (Otherwise, sure) She herself didn't really think about consequences too much, if I think about it. Could she really present a logical argument why you shouldn't hurt people? One he would listen to?

(2/5)In fact, I don't think she had that integrity in the first place, hence the whole Riddle affair... (I suppose, one could work with thought patterns to prevent needless cruelty, APD-therapy-ish, but it would be hard, just on an intellectual level - because Tom is clever enough to catch obvious bullshit.)Speaking of "asexuality being used just to justify the lack of same-sex physical intimacy", people might often forget that aro ace couples can and frequently are physically or/and emotionally

(3/5) affectionate with each other. Like, we do not just stare at each other lovingly and talk about purely platonic things. We cuddle, sleep together, explore our sexualities (kinks, rated fics, etc; a lot of aces actually are more willing to discuss sex than an average non asexual person, at least where I am), talk about relationships.. I am afraid that people just don't understand that asexuality isn't an absence of sexuality. It is a sexual orientation. Er,well, that was definitely rambling.

(4/6) I hope you don't mind. Sorry? P.S. What's your stance on "manipulative Dumbledore"? I recently 've been told an opinion that Harry wasn't "his responsibility", that he was just a Headmaster (+ a bunch of other things) and he doesn't have an obligation to be invested in the lives of his student on such a personal level so he would deal with their individual personal problems.P.P.S. Have you read The Train to Nowhere? I checked and you haven't mentioned it in any of your fic rec lists.

(5/5) It has quite an oblivious Voldemort in it - he completely doesn't read the signals as sexual, even though they'd be pretty obvious to an average observer. I absolutely loved it, partially because I nurse I headcanon of him being ace in there, even though it's 100% not gonna happen.( Well, for what we need slow burn if not for the opportunity to headcanon characters as a-spec and relationships as qpr for as long as possible (at least, a lot of aces told me it's the case with them.)) -- Alen

---------------------------------------

Hey, Alen! Thank you for as always interesting message))

1) With Merope, I can see several ways of development. From how we see her in canon, she doesn’t seem likely to provide Tom with a healthy environment, but some people transform drastically when they give birth to a child, so maybe this could have happened to her? She could have regretted her actions and tried to raise Tom to the best of her abilities. She could seek help from magical and Muggle communities both. Or maybe she’d raise a monster still - it’s interesting to speculate about it. But I think Tom would love his mother anyway if she stayed by his side.

2) Very true about asexuals and the attitude of many of them toward sex. In fact, the guy I lost virginity to told me later that he suspected I might be ace because the topic of sex and sex itself never fazed me and I treated it like a curious puzzle :D And yes, people who know little of asexuality try to use it as an excuse while also failing to understand what it means completely. So many of them think asexual = celibate.

3) Dumbledore is very manipulative, but he’s not a villain either. He had to make some of the toughest decisions in his life, and his gray morality is the reason why I like him. All in all, he treated Harry terribly because he did raise him like a pig for slaughter, but it was for ‘greater good’ - and greater good is greater in terms of its scale. Dumbledore tried to rid Harry of the Horcrux, like with the Basilisk’s fang, but when it failed, he knew Harry would have to die to defeat Voldemort once and for all and save all other people. Granted, I think the whole existence of Voldemort is partly Dumbledore’s fault because he treated Tom unfairly and cruelly from the start. The fact that he hid his parentage from him, even though Tom was likely mocked and bullied for it for the first year or two, definitely contributed to Tom’s overall bitterness.

As for Harry not being his responsibility... of course he was - Dumbledore made it so from the moment he chose to leave him in an abusive household to raise a potential hero with no feeling of self-worth. Harry was always special. Dumbledore wasn’t just a Headmaster, he was a key player in the fight against Voldemort, and while I believe he loved Harry, he was prepared to sacrifice him to win this fight, which warranted a more personal contact and influence.

4) I did read The Train to Nowhere and I absolutely loved it! I think I spent the entire night reading it. The reason why I don’t mention it in my lists is that the pacing there is very slow, and by the chapter I read last, we clearly weren’t even half-way close to the ending. I’m a bit cautious about labelling something as my favorite work when I have no idea of where the story might still go and how the central relationship will develop. I think I’m going to catch up on all the chapters I missed, though))

#harry potter #albus dumbledore #personal

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aro-neir-o · 4 years

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Carnival of Aros: New January 2020 Roundup

You all no-doubt saw my frantic posting and reblogging of the submissions on Friday (apologies; I thought I had spread those out, but no, I did not queue things correctly).

Thank you to everyone who submitted something and also to everyone who interacted with the submissions. I very much enjoyed hosting this carnival and everyone had something interesting to say. I myself did not have the spoons to write my own piece but a lot of my thoughts and feelings were echoed in others’ pieces.

I am following the format the December Carnival of Aros host used for the roundup. There is a Short List which is an amalgamation of links to all the submissions and a Long List with commentary about what each submission covered in terms of themes or topic. The Long List is under the Read More link.

SHORT LIST

Isaac, Part One and Part Two

Briar

Annie

Maximus

Ace of Arrows

Izel

Laura

Le herbe

Sennkestra

Scoop

LONG LIST

The first post Isaac wrote covers how learning the difference between asexuality and aromanticism opened up many doors for thinking about orientation, especially how a-spec orientations interact with non-a-spec orientation. Additionally, coining the term “squish” helped explain a lot of the non-normative platonic feelings aromanticism brought with it, and so new conceptualizations were able to be shared with the whole community. The second post talks about how discovering aromanticism interacted with discovering gender for Isaac. Orientation models that work with aromanticism can be applied to gender as well, so that one’s relationship to their sex can be considered separately from one’s relationship to gender.

“I didn’t identify as aromantic immediately, and as asexual even later, but splitting what was socially tangled opened new doors to me. [...] Sharing the terminology of “squish” with other people aware of aromanticism has allowed me to express clearly my feelings and even to establish a queerplatonic relationship, though I didn’t know of the terminology yet. [...] I could realize my gender identity because I split biological sex and psychosocial gender even for identity, where they are usually grouped together.”

In their post, Briar talks about how re-closeting themself has made them approach aspects of their identity differently. They mention how the prioritization of the identities they have in their life seems to be different from most aro bloggers, and how this makes them feel distanced from the community. How many issues framed as aro-specific issues are also being taken up by alloromantic people was also something they touch upon. They also share how a poem written by their friend resonated with aro experiences, giving an in-depth analysis of each stanza.

“I’m not trying to get some sort of reassurance that I can include myself in the aro community with this. It’s more that I’ve realized that not every group or community is made up of 200% committed Ride Or Die people, even if said group is considered young and relatively smaller than more established groups. [...] When I was first trying to figure out if I was somewhere under the aro umbrella at all, I came up with a term that I felt encompassed my specific experience. It kinda, sorta has overlap with a few other terms that I’ve seen a few times (definitely not often), but I’ve honestly never felt like sharing that term would actually accomplish anything in the aro community.”

Annie submitted a beautiful piece of art that expresses feelings of happiness upon discovering the aromantic identity. How the vocabulary and conceptualizations of the aro community helped Annie craft a new self can be seen in the colourful and prideful painting. Giving back to the community and sharing these feelings of happiness and gratitude really comes through in the piece.

“I have always been kinda creative, and I really wanted do something for the aro community and for myself. I discovered I was aro a year ago, and it made me so happy to have this new label that was almost made for me.”

Maximus wrote faer post on how discovering aromanticism can help one understand romance better. Fae talks about faer experiences with compulsory romance and heteronormativity growing up, and how understanding aromanticism helped with stepping back and becoming less judgemental towards others who experience romantic attraction. Furthermore, how romance can look very different for different people opened up a whole new understanding of love for Maximus.

“Being able to situate myself in the aro identity has given me a new, and frankly better, way to address the emotions and trends of my peers. Honestly, spending years of my life assuming people were being dramatic on purpose as a way of gaining or asserting social status was not the healthiest. It hasn't been until recently that I've been able to move away from the mindset that romance is a horrible thing. It is simply a strong emotion that I don't experience. The assumption that I did experience it was always, and continues to be, the worst part.”

The post Ace of Arrows made centers on positivity and acceptance of diversity. Channeling a mutually understood frustration into positive action is one such theme covered in the post. Ace of Arrows also discusses how aromanticism as an individual preference of orientation is deeply linked to narratives normalized in Western culture - narratives that are, historically speaking, new. The post ends with some book recommendations that align with Ace of Arrows’ own journey learning about alternative relationship models.

“I often think about how “romance” and the idea of “marrying for love” are actually very recent concepts that started gaining traction in the West some time around the middle of the 20th century, and yet we act as if this is how all humans everywhere have always conducted their relationships. [...] So it follows that there have also always been people who have conducted their individual relationships in a manner that is more closely aligned to the relationships of aromantic people today than the normalised romantic narrative of society.”

Izel submitted a poem, titled “To all the aros.” The poem opens with a call to other aros who share Izel’s experiences of frustrations and rejection, and it reads as a uniting anthem against these negative feelings. Acceptance of one’s own identity and of the diversity of aromantic experiences shine through as major takeaways from this piece.

“I thought that I needed a fairytail love story in my life in order to be happy. … … But I don’t need that.Aros don’t need that, don’t we? We don’t feel romantic attraction, and that’s ok.And some of us feel some romantic attraction, and that’s ok, too. Sometimes, romance isn’t for everyone.”

In her post, Laura discusses how new doesn’t always equate with excitement and optimism. Things that are new can just as often cause us fear and nervousness. Laura discusses how Tumblr has contributed to aro activism and growth, in both positive and negative ways. Finally, Laura calls for the aro community to continue reinventing itself and continue “becoming new,” to shed the fears that come with change, and to commit to real inclusion.

“I want to see the aro community grow. I want to see it create new resources, explore issues that have never been explored before, and build a foundation for a vibrant, inclusive community that will continue well into the future. [...] I’ve been doing my best to push the aro community in new directions for the better part of two years now. However, every time I or anyone else tries something new, there are people who are afraid.”

Herbe de provence wrote a post on how discovering aromanticism, at first, triggered feelings of denial, but then set off a chain reaction of self-reflection that ended up explaining of lot of childhood feelings. Learning about aromanticism gave Le herbe new confidence to be accepting. How accepting and curious LGBTQ+ friends increased Le herbe’s pride in the aromantic identity is also an important theme touched on in the post.

“In truth, when I learned that I was aromantic I earned so much more than just a word to describe my experience for I learned to accept a part of myself I never knew I was reppresing. [...] Many, many months after first reading the word « aromantic » this is still new for me and I sometime have to remind myself that *it is alright to be myself*. That *it is alright to love like I want*, Like I *do*.”

Sennkestra wrote a post combining the themes of “new” and “allyship.” Being a good ally means being consistently accepting, patient, and an active listener, but it can also mean learning and growing with new ways of being a better ally every so often. Sennkestra shares anecdotes as examples of above-and-beyond allyship and also encourages others to share their own, so that allies to aros everywhere can add new and diverse actions to their repertoire. The little things can count a lot.

“Even though many of these actions are objectively somewhat small things, they show that these people have remembered my identities, taken the time to learn a bit about it, and have had the presence of mind to actively take the chance to support us when they saw an opening. And cumulatively, they all add up to a lot of support that’s made it much easier to live the lifestyle I want to live without anxiety, and given me the backing I need to continue to do active work even with audiences who might not be so supportive.”

In her post, Scoop talks about how discovering the aro community brought her new understandings and connections with people that she was missing, but it also made connecting with non-aros that much harder. Scoop also describes her struggles choosing between non-SAM and alloaro labels - both of which resonate with her but are considered completely separate microcommunities. Finally, while Scoop expresses about her excitement with involving herself in new types of activism, she also expresses her fear about being outed in these situations. What’s new isn’t always without great risk.

“One of my friends will say, every now and then, 'romance isn’t all bad' to me and I find myself taken aback every time. I know it isn’t all bad? Does she think I do? Is it bc I criticise the system? But in reality I want people to find the romance they desire. I just simply think that they deserve it in a way that is much kinder and more considerate than they often receive it. And give it. I've gotten really good at speaking aro and sometimes I'm going to need to translate that language. [...] ”

#aro #aromantic #arospec #carnival of aros #new #january 2020 #roundup #actuallyaromantic

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blowjob-horseguy · 4 years

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You know what, I'm tired, I've been watching alot of sitcoms, and recently I've been mulling over my problems with dating (in highschool/middle school). So all you a-spec kids listen up!!!

Dating is NOT Mandatory!!

It is NOT a required part of growing up! It is NOT something you need to do to be a "Real Teenager"! And you are NOT missing out on life for not taking part in it.

Dating and Sex are NOT Synonymous

If the planets have aligned and you are feeling the mythical and elusive Romantic Attraction, you can date that person (or people, idk, you do you) without sex being involved. At. All. You can communicate to the person you're with that you have hard boundaries for that kind of thing. I know it seems like Communication and Boundaries are for 'The Adults', but you deserve to feel safe in your relationship NO MATTER YOUR AGE.

Sex and Intercourse are NOT Synonymous

I know this probably goes against everything everyone has ever taught you, but Intercourse (putting the stick in the hole, per say) is not the end all be all for sex. If you want sex to be apart of your relationship, for whatever reason, A) remember to use safe sex practices (I'll link resources on how to do that below). B) it doesn't EVER have to include penatrative sex if your not comfortable with that. Sex is supposed to be something FUN that you and your partner(s) do together, something that feels GOOD, and If you are feeling uncomfortable, unsafe, in pain, or Triggered. Thats. Not. Good. YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE BOUNDERIES! YOU DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

There is NO Special Secret

This one is a little harder to explain. If your like me and have always felt like dating was some kind of Secret Language that all your peers knew, and you missed the lesson on how to 'normal', that isn't true. Romance and attraction look different for everybody; how we express it, how we experience it, and to what frequency we experience it. Everybody is just trying to figure it out, even if it seems like they're an expert. Just because they move a bit faster than you, doesn't make what they feel any less real. (This is a lesson I need to remind myself of Frequently). Alloromantic/allosexual romance (especially in the teen and tween years) tends to move faster (starts faster and sometimes ends faster), but that doesn't make it any less or any more real or valuable then the love you feel. If you don't feel any romantic attraction at all, you are in no way obligated to fake it for someone else's benefit. If you rarely feel attraction, and you feel like you're somehow behind your peers, or you feel like you move too slow for them; you are under no obligation to try to speed up, or rush into something you're not ready for, or even break your own heart because you feel like you need to stay out of it completely. Just because they work a little differently doesn't make your feelings any less important than your peers'.

Now for the Warning

There are going to be people who don't understand why you don't date. They're going to think it's sad that you're single, They're going to think you're lying when you say you're fine, and- in my experience- They're not going to just leave it the fuck alone. You don't have to explain your entire history with romance and/or sexuality to these people. It's perfectly fine to say something like "I'm trying to really focus on school right now and I don't have time for a relationship" or "my parents won't allow me to date" or even something closer to the truth "I'm really just not interested in anybody" (though this one may get you set up with their friends, or friends of friends). If you find someone who you can say "I'm aro and/or ace" or "I'm demi" or just "I don't experience attraction the same way you do" GO AHEAD!! Thats great!! If you are in the position to be out and proud, I'm happy for you. If you want to educate people, educate people!! Just know it isn't a requirement, and you don't have to educate everybody.

You deserve people in your life that respect your boundaries. You are entitled to your boundaries. You deserve to be and feel safe. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be YOU

Now for the Sex Ed I promised-

Here is a link to a Scarlateen on how to use condoms-

Scarlateen in general is a great resource, and very inclusive, here is a link to their sexual health page-

Also the YouTuber Ash Hardel has a series called 'The ABC's of LGBT' that includes videos about a-spec identities and how sex and relationships can work for some a-spec people. Here's a link to that playlist-

#lgbtq community #lgbtq🌈#asexual #aromantic #a-spec pride #a-spec #asexual pride #aromantic pride #demiromantic #demisexual #lgbtq youth #lgbtq advice #i think this post might be a little heavy on the demiromantic focus #it's just such a personal thing for me #ever since inwas little it felt like everybody around me just magically understood dating #their feelings seemed to jump around so fast i couldn't understand it #i got a little contemptuous. it was something that I've wanted for a while now #but still feel excluded from #and it's been kinda hard to unlearn my contemptuous attitudes

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arotechno · 5 years

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The Heartless: Chapter 1

In a world where those born without hearts are said to carry a dangerous curse, Ace has lived most of his life believing himself to be a monster. Now, seeking closure about the defining moment of his childhood, Ace embarks on a coming-of-age journey to learn the truth about what it means to be human.

Note: Yes, this is your surprise. Yes, this is just a draft. No, I don’t know when the other chapters will be coming. Yes, this is an aro story and you will just have to trust me. Yes, the main character’s name is Ace. This concept comes from a short story I wrote for a class over five years ago, and I assume I wrote him with being asexual in mind, but it doesn’t much matter to me whether or not you read him that way. Yes, I am aware that I’m risking readers conflating aromanticism and asexuality. No, I cannot bring myself to change his name. You try working with the same character over a five year period and then attempting to bring yourself to change his name. And no, I have no idea how archery works but I’ll be damned if I don’t pretend I do. I’ll shut up now.

When the winter first melted into spring, Basil and I crept to the edge of the woods behind our houses to pick wildflowers in the meadow. It was still too early for raspberries; in the summer, we’d fill our baskets and our stomachs with them until our mouths were stained red with juices. Our mothers would bake pies in the afternoon and we’d eat them in the evening, cleaning every last scrap from our dinner plates with the promise of a sweet dessert. Now, the earth was still cool beneath our bare feet, our toes wiggling in the soft dirt. Once we’d filled our fists with flowers, we settled in the tall grass and began weaving together goldenrod, daisies, and violets into flower crowns and daisy chains.

Basil presented his work and beamed at me, shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun with the back of his hand. “Take it, I want you to wear it,” he urged, thrusting the flower crown into my lap.

“But you worked so hard on it,” I replied.

He shrugged and brushed dirt from his tanned knees. “I want you to have it,” he insisted, reaching forward and taking the crown from my lap to place it gently on my head.

I stared down at my own work in my hands; it was not nearly as beautiful as the one Basil had made. Some of the stems had split, and many of the flowers had lost some of their leaves and petals. I didn’t have the same steady hands that he did.

“In that case, I want you to have mine, too,” I decided, pressing the crown onto Basil’s head as a couple more leaves fluttered to the ground.

Basil grinned a mile wide, practically radiating sunshine with every inch of his being. “Now we match,” he giggled.

A peaceful silence fell over the meadow. Behind us, the trees rustled in the woods. Insects hovered in the grass, hopping from flower to flower; Basil jumped when a bee buzzed past his face to land in the flowering raspberry bushes that bordered the treeline.

“We’ll be friends forever, right, Basil?” I asked after a while, sheepishly adjusting my flower crown.

“Of course we will,” he responded. “Even when we’re old!”

“How old? Like, eighteen? That’s super old!”

Basil laughed. “Yeah! Eighteen and then even older!”

I smiled hopefully. “We can still make flower crowns?”

“Ace, when we’re eighteen, I’ll still make you all the flower crowns you want,” Basil decreed with a grin. “That’s a promise.”

The warmth of the sun and Basil’s innocent smile faded as I woke up to last night’s rain dripping down on me from the cracks in the ceiling above. Bertrand stood over me, jostling me awake with one hand while the other hand held a vial of another one of his concoctions. I assumed I had fallen asleep after supper, because the dishes remained untouched by the washbasin and twilight was just pouring in through the window.

“Drink up,” Bertrand commanded in that voice of his that just begged to be disobeyed, holding the potion in front of me expectantly as if to remind me of the curse that filled the vacant space within me. He stared at me with piercing eyes over the top of his growing gray beard, sloshing the vial back and forth for emphasis.

I grabbed it from his wrinkly hand and sloshed the red liquid around in disgust before shutting my eyes and downing it in one gulp, just to appease him. Even so, I rested a hand against my chest, but still I felt nothing. Shaking my head, I rose from my cot and pushed past Bertrand, grabbing my bow and arrow off of the hook by the door and slinging it over my shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Bertrand called after me.

“Out,” I answered, already halfway out the rickety wooden door.

“It’s past nightfall, Ace, it’s dangerous out there!”

But I was already gone, walking away from the old house as the door slammed shut behind me with a satisfying thud.

Over the seven years I’d spent under Bertrand’s leaky roof, I had slowly become disillusioned with the idea of ever finding a potion strong enough to light a fire in my ribcage. Bertrand had tested a lot of his spells on me throughout my life, but the love potion had always proven to be the least effective.

But I suppose that is to be expected when you do not have a heart.

The Village of the Heartless was smaller than the town where I grew up. A single dirt road ran from the village gates to the top of the hill, coming to a stop at the edge of the woods that surrounded the kingdom. We were a close-knit community, learning to provide and look out for each other in the harshness of our everyday lives.

Bertrand’s house stood at the edge of the village, where the hill dropped off toward the gates below. At the base of the hill stood a large, sturdy oak tree where I perched some nights with my bow and arrow on the lookout for trouble.

Nights in the Village of the Heartless were always dark, as we could never afford enough oil to keep all of the town’s lamps lit, but they were rarely quiet. Thugs from neighboring towns wandered the village at night, brandishing knives in their grimy hands, looking to stir up trouble. Tonight was no different; as I neared the village limits, I caught a glimpse of a pair of kids making their way down the road, and a thrill shot up my spine. I climbed swiftly up the oak tree and perched in the shadow of its lush, leafy branches, fingers itching for my bow.

The pair dragged a child behind them by the arm, yanking her across the dirt with them as they cackled and cheered triumphantly at their prized catch. The girl held tightly to a canvas sack, trying fruitlessly to pull away from her captors.

“Get away, get away!” she shrieked, dodging a blow as she fell to the ground, clutching the bag to her torso desperately.

“What’s the matter, little runt?” one of the thugs sneered. “You’re not afraid of a couple of kids, are you?”

“I just wanted something to eat!” the girl cried out as a likely filthy knife narrowly missed her cheek.

If I had been in my right mind, I would have simply shot the pair of thugs in the shoulder, snatched up the child, and run away, but Basil’s face kept flashing in my mind; an anger was boiling in my gut that demanded confrontation.

“Hey, ugly!” I shouted, pulling back an arrow and pointing it in their direction.

The kid with the knife froze, eyes darting up to my place on the tree branch. I was yards away, but I could see the glint of light from the last of the setting sun on the knife as his fist tightened around it. His partner, as well as the child still laying on the ground with the sack clutched to her chest, stared wide-eyed as he rose to his feet and stalked toward the tree.

“Who’re you talking to?” he grumbled.

“Doesn’t matter,” I quipped, hopping down from my perch and tightening my grip on the arrow. “Just let the kid go.”

“Why should I?” he retorted, nonetheless taking a step back when he saw the arrow aimed directly at his head. “Y-You’re not really going shoot that.”

“How do you know?”

The other kid called out, “Hey, let’s just get out of here.” He was ignored.

Pointing to the little girl, Knife Boy puffed out his chest and continued, “There’s no way you’re really worried about her. You Heartless are all the same; you don’t feel a damned thing. No way you’d go out of your way to save her.”

I allowed myself a bitter, self-indulgent smirk. “If that’s what you believe, that I am entirely emotionless, then wouldn’t it also stand to reason that I would feel no remorse about ending your sorry life right here and now? If that’s the case, then it would seem you had better start running.”

Knife Boy froze, taking a few steps back before he and his friend took off running in the direction they came. “Cursed bastards!” he yelled over his shoulder as he hopped the gate and disappeared. Once they were out of sight, I let my arms drop to my side and slung my bow back over my shoulder. I felt my brow furrow in frustration; life in the village had become so mundane that I was almost hoping for a fight. The girl, who had stayed completely still on the ground throughout the whole ordeal, scrambled to her feet, still clutching the bag in her white-knuckled hands. Now, up close, I recognized her immediately.

“That was awesome! How did you know what to say?” she beamed, slinging the canvas sack over her shoulder and wiping the dirt from a pair of ratty pants that fell three inches from her ankles.

“Petra, you’re the one who’s been stealing food from the neighboring villages?” I asked her, and her expression soured immediately at having been caught.

“Yeah, that was me,” Petra admitted under her breath. Then, scrambling to justify herself, she added, “But I only do it because there’s not enough food in the village and I gotta eat something!”

I nodded, mulling it over. “Sure, now I suppose I can’t blame you for that, but stealing is wrong. You’re plenty old enough to know that.”

“Of course, I know that, but I needed food!”

“Fine, I get it, I get it,” I sighed. “Just don’t make this a habit, got it? I promised Annie I would keep you out of trouble.”

Petra pouted. “Fine,” she mumbled. I started back up the hill, with Petra trotting silently alongside me.

Now twelve years old, Petra had lived in the Village of the Heartless since she was a baby—which was still longer than I’d been around—left outside the home of one of the village women, Annie, in the middle of the night. I’d met her several years ago, and she quickly became enthralled with my stories of life outside the village. Annie was dead several months now, leaving Petra to fend mostly for herself.

“You didn’t tell me how you knew what to say to that kid,” she urged, struggling to keep up with my strides.

“I used to spend time around those kinds of people a lot when I was a kid,” I explained, deciding to humor her. “I’ve learned how to turn their own words against them by now.”

I did not tell her that had I learned how to do so sooner, things may have turned out a lot differently.

I eventually sent Petra home with a warning that I’d be watching to make sure she didn’t get into any more trouble. When I crossed the threshold back into Bertrand’s musty old house, the palm of his hand came down hard across my face, leaving a sharp stinging sensation behind on my skin.

“What on earth was that for?” I yelped. Bertrand grabbed me by the wrist and dropped me into one of the rickety dining chairs in the center of the room, bearded face practically sparking with rage.

“You must not keep doing that!” he scolded.

“Doing what?” I asked innocently.

“Getting into confrontations with… hooligans! What else?”

“I did what I had to--”

“Don’t think I wasn’t watching, Ace! I could see the entire ordeal from the window!”

“Well maybe if you’d actually done something to help instead of just watching--”

“Unlike you, Ace, I value my life and am not going to get myself killed just to feel like the hero!”

I couldn’t help but bristle at his comment, and I sprung to my feet, the wooden chair tipping backward onto the stone floor behind me with a loud clatter. “What do you mean you value your life? All you do is sit around making futile potion after potion and you still think it’ll work next time!” I clenched my fists at my sides, willing the confrontational energy in my veins to burn out before it swallowed me whole. “So maybe I need to tell off a thug every once in a while to finally feel like I’m doing something meaningful. You can keep pouring bile down my throat all you want, but I can assure you it’ll never make me happy!”

Bertrand’s face fell, and I knew deep down that I had hurt him, but I could not bring myself to feel guilty. He had it coming, I thought, stalking across the room to my cot by the window. I sat down on the thin mattress, kicked off my boots, and pulled my knees up to my chest.

“Ace--” Bertrand, having followed me, reached out a hand as if to lay it on my shoulder, but I flinched away from the touch and he retracted the appendage as if he had been burned.

“Don’t touch me,” I muttered, directing my gaze out the window at the dark, lonely night creeping across the landscape. “Just leave me alone.”

With a sigh, Bertrand retreated from my bedside, retiring to his back potion room to conjure his demons away, and I sat back against the wall, longing for home and the warm voices of my parents.

That night, I dreamt of Knife Boy, and his words reminded me of Carita, the girl who kissed me under an oak tree when we were younger and told me I was weird for flinching.

#oh god sorry in advance if the formatting on this is ugly #look i've been sitting on this shit for AGES and i'll never be satisfied it's just a draft please be nice #feel free 2 ask me questions about this story yee haw #the heartless #2k followers special #aro #aromantic #aro writing #aro writers #long post #op

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truly-morgan · 4 years

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thieveryHere a section of my characters no one care about ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ wanna do anyway

from left to right (name next to characters)

Micha 3552 yo | He/They | Fallen Angel | Queer

Cyrus 4684 yo | He | Angel | Ace

Kadir 3267 yo | He | Demon | Demi Pan

Tamir 4361 yo | He | Demon | Pan

Keir 3240 yo | He/They/She | Demon | Queer Aro

Theòs/Theá [redacted] | He/She | Death God | Aro Ace

Vìgi 2686 yo | Fluid | Demon | Queer

Kuro [N/A] | He | Demon | Queer

Caius 6341 yo | He | Demon | Gay poly

Ari 6420 yo | He/They | Ace Bi poly

Nerva 6367 yo | He | Demon | Pan poly

Relation and Connection

Ari, Nerva and Caius are in a polycule. No one around them could really tell what kind of relationship they have, whether it’s romantic or platonic. They have been all together for a long time, live through many thing together, yet they couldn’t really tell you either, although it is clear they could die for each others.

The three of them took in Kadir when he was really young. At first the plan was just to keep him up until he was old enough to take care of himself, but they ended up getting attached to the younger demon (Ari first). Now the trhee elder are likes fathers to Kadir, and even if the younger bounty hunter lives on his own, they often sees each others.

Kadir and Tamir have a frenemy kind of relationship. Everything started as Kadir going after him for the bounty, but out of being unable to catch him he started chasing more. Tamir never had bad feeling for Kadir, finding it rather funny to annoy the other demon. As the time passed, Kadir started to appreciate him, although no one would catch him say such a thing aloud.

Tamir and Keir knows each other from often crossing each other path in the human realm. They ended up hanging out with each other, having some interest in common and also finding human funny and interesting. They will often helping in each other business, Tamir help the succubus to find interesting partner and Keir in the thievery the other does.

Kadir and Keir have some connection from both knowing and being close to Tamir. Sometime Kadir will ask help from Keir when looking for people, knowing he can find information quite easily.

Micha and Tamir met on one of the pickpocket travel to Europe, visiting Germany. He found the fallen angel’s bar by pure hazard, both feeling quite easily what the other was. Yet Micha did nothing, not caring much about it as long as he wasn’t causing problem in his bar. They wouldn’t go to say they are friends, but they still like having a chat with each others.

Micha and Cyrus have a unsure kind of relationship, the lines blurred. Micha found Cyrus when he was thrown from the angel realm with his wings missing. He took him in and kept him with him because of Cyrus amnesia, worried something bad might happen if he let him roam alone. They ended up growing close to one another, Cyrus really attached to Micha. Even with such a good relationship, Micha tries not to get too attached (too late for that) just in case Cyrus gets his memories back and doesn’t want to associate with a fallen.

Kuro and [N/A] are in a territory battle. Kuro as always caused problem to the Matsui twins, but he hates the idea of another demon trying to approach them, especially Ethan. The moment he learned about the other demon presence he tries to keep it far away from the twins. The other one hates him for keeping him at bay, trying to be a real nuisance to him.

Theòs and Vìgi first met when the death god needed some artefact giving him some power. He couldn’t find anything and went for demon, although the two race don’t appreciate each other in normal circumstance. Vìgi wasn’t minding it, as long as he was receiving some compensation. They have a semi professional relationship, as thing ended up with them being more friend than anything.

More on my characters

Micha: Legit decided he was tired of the Heaven so he got himself thrown out by sinning just enough to be kick out, but not enough to be executed. After some time of roaming aimlessly on earth he decided to open his own café and bar in a more rural region.

He has a good relationship with the small community he landed himself in, often having tea time with some of the older ladies after church on his day off. He like giving a hand around when he can, enjoying the quiet life he has.

Cyrus: He was an exemplar angel when he was still in heaven, his duty was to make sure everyone was following the rules. He got on the bad side of some angels after putting them in a really bad place and they decided to take revenge on him. They took away his wings before throwing him in the human realm, believing he would die like this.

He had completely lost his memory, finding his name only because of a pendant he has, at least he guesses it must be his name. He’s very attached to Micha and is always happy to help him around the bar. He has totally won over the heart of those nice old lady at church.

He can sometime be a little more naive and innocent despite his look, which lead to people trying to take advantage of this naivety. Thankfully Micha is always here to keep him safe.

Kadir: He was seemingly abandoned when he was young, but he cannot remember anything from his childhood. He’s not too upset about it and is satisfied with the memories he had from his three dads.

He took inspiration of them and decided to be a bounty hunter too. He generally goes after beasts and other demon whom have bounty on their head, but will sometime mess in other realm bounty board when he gets bored of it. He rarely mess up his contract, Tamir being the break in his winning strike. He does his job without caring much about things around him, not getting close to others.

Tamir: He has grown up with low level demon in what could be called a mafia of one of the Hell realm. This is pretty much where he learn all his thievery tricks. He his really thankful for this demon to have taken him in, visiting them from time to time to see how things are doing with them.

He has a strange interest for humans (or really any other being from other realm) and often roam around earth, stealing and reselling what he gets. He has a lot of contact all around the world, sometimes trafficking in more serious business, knowing he can easily get himself out or just vanish for a couple decades or just disguise himself.

Keir: They grew up surrounded by other succubus, so for them anything sexual is just normal behaviours, although they did learn the limits of the humans world. They do enjoy messing around with other demons for goods and favours.

They also like to roam around the human realm, both enjoy the food and the humans. They will often lure in people by saying they can be whatever the person like, as they have some shapeshifting skills they use to switch to what someone may prefer of fantasies about. To they human are really fascinating, as most demon don’t give much interest in what the other is, as long as the pleasure is there.

They often sells themselves for human food, as money isn’t something they need to live and the real meal is they person themselves. They don’t gives much attention to what someone might think of the way they act, it was never anyone else business what they are doing with their body.

Theòs: He was a Death God for a long time, before being ban for not actually doing his job. He wasn’t taking people lives when it was due, but rather cutting it shorter. He has a morbid fascination for suicide and seeing people slowly losing it. For this reason he was banned.

He keep on roaming around other realm, slowly causing people to die earlier than they should by playing with them. He never does the act of killing, but can still be said to have a lot of blood on his hands. He will himself do the act of dying, although he cannot and only find the pain funny.

He work with Vìgi to have artefact that helps him in his play.

Vìgi: They roam around everywhere, causing problem a little everywhere. They will only do something for someone else if they can get something from it, otherwise they won’t do it.

Other demons knows to be careful around them, as they have a little liking to eating their own kind, not exactly hiding it either and anyone crossing them could finish on their plate. (Ain’t gonna lie, I gotta work on Vìgi more)

Kuro: He’s a demon who was stuck inside the Matsui family for a couple centuries, being transferred from a member to the other. He really hates it and does his best to break the person in hope he could take over the body. He nearly succeed three time.

Now he’s always with the twins and strangely developed a liking to one of them, although he still has his objective in mind. He like messing around and sometime even let Evan borrow some of his power when it comes to protecting the cherry twin.

Caius, Ari and Nerva: Ari and Caius where in contact before Nerva entered the scene. Their relationship was a little like the one of Tamir and Kadir, although they ended up working together because they were pretty compatible. They went through hardship together for a long time. When Ari met Nerva, Caius had some difficulty with him, even though they ended up being good friend later before being what they are today.

They will often take bounty each on their side, but won’t be shy to ask for some help when one of the two other can be of us. (they are my newest, so I don’t have much fleshed out for each,)

Feel free to ask more about my characters, I love talking about them and don’t exactly have a place to do so without being annoying.

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cantskank · 4 years

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i think i’m having to accept that tma is just not the fan space for me. i enjoy it now, but the only reason i got into was for the ace rep. i’m not a fan of horror OR scripted podcasts (like i am neutral to actively dislike them pretty much). i was not expecting it to be a romance. not to be the grouchy aro but i thought getting into a horror podcast would be like “safe” for not having romance. and i really like the pairing actually! and like literally everyone else i project so heavily onto martin. my relationship with romance in fiction is usually like- i like the part where they’re falling in love/getting together. then the actual relationship itself is...like dicey at best for me (in terms of enjoyment). it depends how it is portrayed really- sometimes i get it, and a lot of times it just seems so unappealing. and like now is not the best time for either of them so i don’t really...get it. honestly it just feels like they’re getting on each other’s nerves but are still together? idk why that aggravates me- i acknowledge this isn’t a rational way to feel about this fictional relationship.

ANYWAYS. idk i guess i hoped getting into tma that i would really relate to jon’s experience. but we don’t even get his experience! we find out secondhand, and it’s not even clear what we find out- so much so that it took someone asking a question and the creator’s response to clear it up. even then, it was some “HE might not think of it that way but that’s what it is i guess” which is some straight BULLSHIT (pardon the pun). i just wanna state for the record that that is WEAKSAUCE FUCKING REPRESENTATION. at least don’t be so much of a coward that we can barely tell you’re trying to out him as ace (without him knowing) and then skirt the issue

and i don’t think he really got how important ace rep is so i maybe can’t fault him for that but...it sucks. at least like...educate yourself on ways it might be good to portray aces in media. again, though, my expectations are a me problem. i just think that like we don’t have enough extant ace rep to like...casually make a character that misses the mark in those ways. like yeah there’s a vast wealth of ace experiences and there are tons of aces who would probably not be like super ready to accept that they are ace! like i’m basically not out at ALL irl and so i get it! but at least like you could maybe not make that one of the few ace characters we have to represent us? ace rep is not at that point yet! we need characters that are open and unashamed to be ace. todd chavez was a really weird character for me to watch! i was like way thrown off by how comfortable he was with talking about being asexual (even though it did take some time for him to accept it! which is totally reasonable!). but i think it was necessary because it weirdly went such a long way to normalizing it for me? like i’m asexual! i spent a large formative part of my late teens/early twenties interacting with almost all asexuals on the internet (aven). if anyone is accustomed to asexuality it should be me, right?? but actually seeing a character be asexual and even discuss it proudly made me realize how much of a shameful secret i thought of my asexuality as. i’ve definitely framed it as a forbidden or taboo topic and really separated my active, open asexual persona online from my irl persona. anyway the fact that that one character had such an impact on me just goes to show how much we still need that kind of representation and not some bullshit rep.

okay onto fandom shit:

i just find there’s so much fan content (mostly fic! because i don’t really engage in any other way and i don’t really have any desire to! because it’s even worse for this than fic i have a sense!) that doesn’t want to think critically about what an asexual relationship means/looks like. either they are not ace and have heard “oh okay aces ‘can’ have sex, well jon will just have sex!” or they are ace and idk have internalized that message as well? either way i fucking hate people who don’t think about how that relationship might diverge from an allo one. THEY ARE DIFFERENT. ASEXUALITY IS ITS OWN THING. IT IS NOT A THING WHERE YOU JUST DO WHAT YOUR PARTNER WANTS. IT IS NOT A THING WHERE YOU SAY “OKAY SURE” AND NEVER DISCUSS BEYOND THAT OR BOTHER TO SET BOUNDARIES. IT IS NOT JUST ONE CONVERSATION AND THEN DONE. like an asexual relationship can be those things but i don’t think that’s an ideal relationship anyways? (even for allos tbh..) and idk why you’d want to idealize that in fandom anyways? like you can make that relationship look like whatever you want! why would you make it look like that? (not to generalize or like invalidate anyone’s experience but i....feel like there is some internalized shit there. especially when these things are presented without question? like it’s one thing to present things one way and it’s another to do it without questioning. one of my favorite ace fics (notably, not tma) is all about the ace character exploring his sexuality! and having sex with his partner! but it’s presented with such attention to all characters that i have no trouble at all. having sex as an asexual is not inherently negative, but i cannot deal with media that doesn’t consider and address the implications of having sex as an asexual.

and honestly there’s so much discussion around the Issue (that i don’t even get involved in but it swirls around my peripheries of my fandom experience) that that aspect distresses me a lot! because the people who disagree with me make me feel like shit. i’m sure it is really confusing and difficult to be an asexual who is okay with sex, or interested in exploring sex, or whatever people would consider themselves. it just feels antithetical to the asexual activism of ‘sex can be cool but it’s not necessarily for everyone.’ like, if you’re an ace who has sex or whatever, cool! and i hope you can find your corner of the ace community that vibes with that. i cannot, and like. compulsory sexuality does not need propping up. if sex is for you, then congrats! you fit into the norm in that way! you might not fit into the norm re: sexual attraction and i’m sure that’s not easy to reconcile. however, i am not personally in a place where i can be the person who supports that uncritically when i’m still working within myself to understand where compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity have worked within me. because i have been hurt by both of those things, MY primary goal is to work on dismantling those things (at least in myself, ideally in the world around me). and people who do not have that as a goal and who instead want to mirror allo-ness in writing an ace character just don’t get the same consideration from me, unfortunately. i guess this has helped me see that i should just fuck that noise. if you want to make that the big thing you complain about on the internet i won’t stop you. and...it occurs to me that’s what i’m doing! so i’m going to refocus and stop just moping about my aro aceness and how i’m being ignored. i’ve got better things to focus my time on than haters online. i will not be dragged down to their mopey level!

also i feel weird and way too old for the fandom demographic (even though there are certainly fans waaaay older than me in the fandom!) i think i’ve outgrown a lot of the fandom mentality. wait is hockey fandom for old people? (i’m fully not old but i’m probably old-ish for tumblr/fandom. certainly old for tma fandom) it occurs to me it’s sort of a graduation into a societally-acceptable form of fandom and it probably doesn’t appeal as much to younger audiences. AND things can be as sexy/romantic or platonic as you like.

anyway all this is to say that i thought getting into media with aspec rep would be good for me but i think i must conclude that it has NOT. it has actually just upset me way more than it has helped me feel good about being ace (which was the whole goal!). i will be glad when it is over. AND i’m glad i’ve really just been engaging with rqg fandom. it is much more fun and a much better story!

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princepestilence · 4 years

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Hey Samson, I'm very much a homebody and I wanted to know if you had and tips on where to meet cool queer people?

Hello there! I’m honestly very flattered that you thought to ask me, because that makes me feel like I must look like I’ve got my stuff sorted out and am living that #queer community dream–but that’s not actually entirely true and I sort of want to preface anything else I say with the fact that I am still very much in the process of trying to find more cool people to bring into my life myself, because I’m not where I want to be on that front yet. I’ve been super lucky so far, but I don’t want to give the impression that I’m done meeting cool queer people. There’s a lot of friends I’m still out looking for and a lot of connections I haven’t made yet that I’d really like to, so yeah! Happy to share my thoughts but I am not an expert.

For me, there’s kind of been three major sources of finding My People so far, and those have been: work/university (which count as the same for me, since I was once a student and now I teach students and have cool queer colleagues and they know cool queer people, so it has a run-on effect), the internet, and creative art spaces.

I think being a homebody can be a bit of a disadvantage if you want to meet cool queer people, mostly because I’ve found online queer spaces and offline queer spaces to have… very different vibes and values. Not always! I’ve definitely experienced first-hand some weird vibes that I didn’t want to tangle with in offline queer spaces (thinking specifically of the queer collective at my university). But broadly, I’ve enjoyed offline queer spaces a lot more, and found more connection with other people, and experienced more genuinely restorative and healing and positive vibes in those spaces than here on tumblr or elsewhere online.

So that’s kind of my first piece of advice: see what’s happening in your local area regarding queer and/or artistic events! I don’t use Facebook, but there are a lot of local groups that use Facebook to organise and announce events, so if you have that, that can be a great way to keep in touch with that’s going on and see if anything strikes your fancy. For me, I go to the poetry slam every month I can make it, which is something I adore and always an experience of big queer solidarity, because it’s a bunch of creative (often queer or non-norm) people in a space that has a strongly upheld belief in the respectful spaces policy–i.e., be excellent to each other, no bigotry allowed.

I’ve definitely lucked out with my local slam (maybe I’m biased, but it is the best one around) but a lot of events like that are places where you can walk in, sit down, and not have to really talk to anyone if you don’t want to, and get a sense of the place and the people and I’ve definitely found these spaces to be more welcoming and respectful than more… mainstream (?) events, so that can be a cool place to go. Similar things like pop-up art exhibitions (especially if they have talks or workshops) count, especially if you see anywhere that they’re LGBTQ+ friendly and/or make a clear statement of intent re: supporting grassroots or marginalised creators, etc.

Alternatively, I can recommend queer book clubs! Sometimes these groups are specifically about reading queer lit., and sometimes the reading is just a way of bringing queer people together, and either way, that’s a good place to at least go along and suss out. If there’s none around, a great option is to actually start something like that yourself–as intimidating as that might feel. Submitting a call for interest on a queer Facebook group, for example, can help put you in contact with people who might be in your exact same boat of wanting to build community but not knowing where to start, or not yet finding the right kind of space for them.

I personally feel book clubs (or a similar hobby exercise) are a good way to do this, since it 1. brings everyone together in one place on a regular schedule, which is good for getting to know people, 2. isn’t necessarily a huge time or energy or financial investment, which means it’s more inclusive than many other events (although obviously requires some planning and also consideration re: which books and book costs, travel costs, access to libraries etc.), 3. is overall a relaxed space that can be hosted in the daytime, away from alcohol, in a public venue such as a cafe, which for many people is more approachable, and 4. gives everyone something to talk about when they get there and for the duration, so it’s way less awkward than sitting in a circle being like, “hi, I’m gay, are you my new best friend??” or feeling obliged to generate personal conversation the whole time. If it doesn’t work out or it’s too much effort to continue, you can discontinue it at any time, so it’s a pretty low stakes approach, I feel.

Edit: totally forgot, but sometimes [hobby or passion of yours] + “queer” into search bars can show up good results! For example, sometimes there are particular gatherings or small conventions, regular gaming events, forums or talk-sites, so on. I definitely know of Ace & Aro Teatimes that are held, specifically as a way of catching up, and you might luck out and discover something like that, which is particularly great because it means you will already have an interest or hobby in common with the people you meet there.

Off the top of my head, that’s kind of it for offline spaces. You can probably check out if your local university has a queer collective, because even if you’re not part of the university body, sometimes they will have events open to the general public etc. Like I said before, that’s not my scene, because I’ve personally found the local university queer collective to be… more similar in personality to the online spaces and also just a little more intense than I’m looking for. But! That’s not to say they’re all like that.

As for online spaces, I met a lot of my queer friends by the sheer bizarre wheel of fate that brings people together in the disgusting blue sea of tumblr. I know that’s not helpful at all, but the piece of advice I have to offer there is that I met all these people by doing what I loved, first and foremost. I was doing my own thing, however weird, and they were doing the same, and we saw each other and went “oh cool,” and we were both queer. To a certain extent, I think this is true in all things: have fun, be yourself, and trust in queer pack magic to bring cool queer friends into your life.

I am someone who’s very forward, I guess, and very proactive socially (and in general), so I am usually the first person in a new friendship to walk over and say, “hey! you’re cool, I love your you, tell me about yourself,” [paraphrased] and honestly that’s worked pretty much every single time. I admit my charisma rolls tend to be high (I sacrificed constitution and wisdom for them, so they better be) but I do believe that you miss all the shots you don’t take, so it’s worth reaching out. So if you come across someone that seems cool, remember that you’re also a cool person worth knowing and a good friend and give that person a chance to find that out for themselves by saying hello, because a lot of the time, the other person isn’t going to have that courage and if you wait for them, it might never happen. Easier said than done for many, I know, but it’s that whole thing with lesbian sheep (wool-oo-wools, if you will): you can’t stand there and expect someone else to know that you standing there still is a sign of how much you like them.

I have no idea if any of this is going to be helpful to you, but I wish you so much luck in finding your people! If there’s anything I’ve said that’s not clear or needs more detail or anything, please let me know and I’ll be happy to do what I can to help. I think finding community is one of the most important things in life for queer people to do, in whatever form that takes, so I am absolutely always down to help with that in whatever ways I can.

#not a sonnet #queer up #as far as online resources/forums etc. i really don't have any advice but if anyone else does please add to this post!#if you've got advice i've missed please do say so.

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