#i love that it's called jesus tea cause i can always remember it lol

[jmvore]

cater to you | pjm [r2]

‹ previous | next › ↳ SYNOPSIS › Being sexually frustrated seemed to be the story of Jimin's life. So he turned to writing his wants and wishes in a blog he kept online for people to read. He used to be content with that, until he met you. Eventually, he stopped because all the fantasizing in the world never amounted to the real thing. › series masterlist | masterlist | request ‹

» RATING › 18+ [M I N O R S D O N O T I N T E R A C T] » GENRE(S) › smut, fluff » AU › slice of life » PAIRING(S) › park jimin x f!reader » WORD(S) › 5.2k+ » CH. SYNOPSIS › jimin comes home one night stressed out of his mind and you make plans to get him to relax. » REQUESTED? › @luvymin › thank you for requesting lovely ♡ » SMUT WARNING(S) › JIMIN CALLS THE READER MOMMY (so if that's not your cup of tea, don't read), sub!jimin, domme!f!reader, a lot of orgasm denials, loads of teasing, ass play, m! fingering, sensual massage, jimin is in love alright, soft!domme reader, a lot of pet names for Jimin (Petal, Baby, Love, Sweetheart, etc) because you're so in love, okay but eating Jimin's [redacted] while he's in a split position cause that's hot af lol, stressed!jm (poor baby), whiny!jm, worship kink (reader worships the fuck outta Jimin), jimin apologizes like crazy cause he feels so damn bad, & just taking care of Jimin like he deserves. » POST DATE › 11/26/2023 » A/N › It took a minute but it's finally done! Some stuff didn't make it but I got a couple of drabbles I wanna release too so they will get done. Thank you @/saradika for the divider(s)! For those who don't know, this is a request series: you can request for this universe. You can read more about it on this story's masterlist.

thank you for reading! & remember: you nice, keep going.❤️› masterlist ‹

The front door opens and slams closed with so much you fear for the picture that line that particular wall. It's startles you but you know it can only be one person.

At least you hope it is.

"Jimin? Honey?" You don't hear an answer, growing worried because shit! What if it's not him? You probably shouldn't give your location to the-

"It's me."

You breath out in relief, trying to calm your beating heart. The squeaking of the wooden can be heard underneath his feet as you know he's headed to the living room. In return, confuses you since he always finds you first.

Something's wrong.

"Petal?" You don't let any of that deter you, wiping your hands on the towel hanging from the oven and turning down the fire to let the food simmer. It doesn't take long for you to find him in the living room, sat on the couch with his head.

"Petal? What's wrong?" You see the bags under his eyes. You've notice he's been overworking himself for the dance studio and coming home late from time to time. Your lips upturn into a frown at the way his body is visibly tired. "Jimin. What's-"

"Nothing! Jesus... C-Can you just give me a second?" The moment those words leave his mouth, he instantly regrets it. Your head cocked to the side in a 'what the fuck' notion, face scrunched in irritation. "Honey..."

No. He doesn't get to call you that. He's angry but he's most definitely not mad at you. He shouldn’t have since you didn’t have anything to do with it. It’s not your fault Taemin quit. Or the fact the parents were getting on the instructors' cases about who will have the lead this year for the Nutcracker showcase. In all honesty, Jimin hates this time of year. It brings out the worst in people. The only good thing is the two and a half weeks he gets to spend with you uninterrupted.

And, of course, seeing his students graduate from his class too but spending time with you takes the cake.

When he peeks over at you, he frowns when your face doesn't show any emotion. Fuck, he didn't mean it.

"Jimin."

"Shit! I'm sorry..."

"What the hell?"

"I-I'm sorry?" It comes out more like a question as Jimin reaches for you to make sure you don't scooch away from him. "I'm just exhausted and angry and-."

"I can see that but that doesn't mean you can take it out on me."

"I know, I know... I just-" Jimin stops because he knows you don't want to hear excuses but he hopes you forgive him. "There's so much going on at the studio that I feel I'm being stretched every which way."

"Baby?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Petal," You coo, scooting closer to pull him right into your lap. He lays his head on your shoulder as your fingers thread through his blonde hair. You can sense the way he tenses, running your hand up and down his back as he finally vents.

“What's on your mind?”

“Nothing and everything?” He whispers, closing his eyes to simply feel. "I don't know if I want to keep doing this."

"Your work?"

He nods, "It’s just with the kids' showcase coming up and the parents being pushier than usually. It's getting to breaking point." Jimin grabs your hand to play with your fingers. "And with Taemin quitting on us was the last thing we needed so now we have to find another instructor."

"Seems everything is hectic right now."

"It is..." Jimin groans and you can't help but feel bad. He needs a break. You can't help but want to take care of him like you promised him you would. You always know what to get him to calm down, regardless of why he's riled up. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, I can't tell you because I don't know anything about what you did I can tell you that you got this." Jimin rolls his eyes but the smile on his face says otherwise. “But, if you don't have to talk about it more you don't have to. You know I'm here whenever you want to, Petal.”

“I know.” He pouts, peeking through one of his eyes to get a glimpse of your reaction and blushing when he see you smirking back. “T-Thank you.”

"You're such a cutie." You mushed together like this for a couple more minutes and cuddling him until he doesn't want to anymore. “Anyway, it's what I'm here for.”

He bites his lip before glancing back at the kitchen to see the pot on the stove. "What were you doing?"

"Well I was cooking you dinner but then you started yelling at me. I'm hurt."

"I said I was sorry," Jimin whines while bowing his head and groaning.

"Uh huh."

He calls your name but you can't help but chuckle.

"It's fine baby." You kiss his forehead before nipping at his earlobe. "But, next time you snap at me like that you're going to be punished."

Jimin's eyes widen. He said he was sorry! How much more does he need to do for you to forgive him?

“Nope, you’re not getting out of this by being cute, Petal.” You grab him by the hand to pull him into the kitchen. Your heart sings at how sweet your baby boy is. “Anyway, c’mon. I made your favorite.”

“Kimchi Jjigae?” 

“Mhm." You turn him toward your shared bedroom and pat him on the bottom to get him to move. "Go take a shower, I'll get our plates ready. We can watch a movie or something."

"Okay!" You something kin to weights being lifted from his shoulders.

As you watch him disappear into the room, the wheels turn inside your head. So many ideas come time mind but you settle on one. One you know he will enjoy and appreciate. You'll put it in motion for your sweet little petal because Lord knows how much he needs.

And how much you want to help.

You can’t wait.

[ 07:43pm | Honey🥰: Hey, I need to talk to you when you get home.

Your text sent Jimin’s mind into a mental gymnastics frenzy. Your relationship has been going well, at least, he thought it was. He doesn't know what it could be. Is it good? Is it bad?

He frowns at that.

Oh god, what if you were finally done with him?! Wait no, that can't be it! Shit, what could you need to talk to him so urgently for?

Fuck…

Here he goes overthinking things! Should he text back and ask? Would that ruin the surprise? What should he do?? S-Should he do anything? HIs breathing grows labored, hyperventilating at the the thought of you leaving him. Is this because he yelled?

God, why is he like this?

His phone buzzes in his hand as he takes a quick glances at it, releasing the breath he was holding.

[ 07:54pm | Honey🥰: and I know you're overthinking this. Stop it, it's nothing bad, love I’ll see you when you get home 😘

"Get it together, Jimin." He can't help but snicker at himself and if anyone else was there they'd think he was insane. It takes everything not to tell you what happened because he already knows what you're going to say.

[ 08:05pm | Okay, I should be home in a little bit. Just closing up.

Jimin checks the time on his watch and noting it's almost nine. He hates that he sent most of everyone home (with the exception of Hoseok and Jungkook). It simply meant the three of them had to finish locking up.

"Jimin!" Hoseok runs up to him, his smile bright as ever as he hands him his checklist. "Anything needs to be done? I'm done with mine."

"No. If you want to head out you can." Jimin shrugs while looking over his own. "I can lock up."

He looks at the rest of the closing list:

☑ Making sure his rooms are cleaned and tidy. ☑ Things that were left behind by the kids are put in the lost and found for the next day. ▫ Relieving the Janitor once he's done cleaning the dance floors. ▫ Lastly, shutting off unimportant lights, locking up.

It’s not that bad. He thinks he can manage.

“It’s okay! I just have to see the janitor out and then I’ll be heading home.”

“Are you sure? We can stay and help.”

“You know it’s not a bother.”

“I’m sure. Go home guys.” Jimin starts to shoo them out of the door. “I’ll be fine. I told he-”

“Yeah, yeah. Give her a hug and tell her I miss her cooking.” Hoseok jokes, grabbing Jungkook by the arm to make him leave as well. “We need to get together again!”

“Okay, okay! I’ll see you guys later.” Jimin chuckles before heading to the back to tell the janitor to leave. Lights off, doors locked and the alarm set, Jimin rushes out to his car to get ready to leave. Of course traffic stops him from getting home at his normal time, telling Siri to dial your number and hearing it ring twice before you answer. Pulling onto the highway, he’s trying his hardest to keep his excitement off the gas pedal. It’s easier said than done until he sees the traffic has come to a slow stop. 

He instantly regrets not going the way he usually does.

“Petal?”

“Hey honey, I’m on my way home!” He says before groaning when he notices the traffic hasn’t moved. Of course when he wants to take the highway, there’s a traffic jam. “But there’s a bit of traffic.”

“It’s okay, love,” You chuckle at how annoyed he sounds, wanting nothing more than to pinch his cute cheeks and tell him it’s okay. “Take your time. I’ll still be here.”

“I know. I know. I just miss you.”

“I miss you too, darling.” He hears a bit of shuffling and he can tell you’re in bed. What he wouldn’t give to be in bed with you right now. “But are you sure that’s the only reason you called?”

“Huh? Yes?” 

“Uh huh. I’m not telling you anything until you get here.” You chuckle, making Jimin smile on his end. Your laugh never fails to brighten his day.

“Damn. You got me.”

It’s then that he glances out beyond where he is and realizes there’s been a car accident. A bad one from the looks of it. 

“Oh there was an accident.”

“Well be safe, Petal. We’ll talk when you get home.” 

“Okay I’ll see you in a little bit.” He hangs up the phone, traffic slowly picking up but still moving at a slow pace. Eventually, he makes it out of the radius of the crash (and hopes everyone involved is okay). He ends up arriving home around nine-forty, pulling into his driveway. He notes your car is in the garage so he leaves his parked outside. 

Jimin's heart is thrums in his chest, unsure of what you have planned but excited at the thought of what it could be. He doesn’t know what you have in store for him but that doesn’t stop him from running to the door with his keys in hand and ready to open the door. He’s confused the moment he shuts the front door and sees the downstairs lights are off. 

You said you were going to be home, so… Where were you?

“Honey?” He calls out your name with no answer in return. He tosses his keys and wallet in the basket next to the front door and sets his shoes on the rack. The soft hum of the air conditioner can be heard and the little creaks of the house but he doesn’t hear you. “Where is she?”

Jimin feels his phone buzz, noting you must have texted him earlier when he was getting out of the car. That’s why he didn’t feel it.

[ 09:32pm | Honey🥰: Come upstairs when you get home.

He stuffs his phone into his back pocket and heads upstairs when he sees the candles lining their way from the top of the stairs to your shared bedroom. He bites back the smile, realizing he was really panicking for no reason. Holding your arms open, he runs into your arms with hesitation as you amused at his reaction.

“Surprise Darling!” You grin as he’s vibrating with excitement and also confusion. 

“Is this-”

“Mhm and It’s all for you. I know how stressed you’ve been and I wanted to do something to help you relax.” You, noticing the way his eyes twinkle with adoration. You want to keep that look in his eyes for as long as you remain together. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Jimin throws himself into your arms again, this time his plush lips connect with yours over and over as you giggle into it.

“Petal-”

“No.” Jimin's eyes meet yours as you see his bottom lip begin to wobble, a small pout on his lips. You can see tears beginning to form in his eyes and you can’t help but comfort your baby. You know why he’s so emotional when you do things like this but it still hurts to see. “T-thank you for taking care of me.”

Your smile fades the longer you hold him in your arms as you don’t move, knowing he needs this more than he leads on. To be secure, comforted and not ridiculed. You kiss the tear from his cheek before wiping it away with your thumb.

“I told you I would. You don’t have to thank me for that.” As you hold his jaw, you bring his face closer, your lips so close all he has to do is lean forward to taste you but you don’t give him the luxury again. Not yet. You have a point to make. “You deserve all of this and more, beautiful. And remember what I said?”

“Whoever made me feel less than doesn’t deserve me.”

You hum and note the way he melts into your arms, body so close to becoming boneless. He continues to take in your words as truth because he knows they are. He’s glad he found you when he did and he’s glad he took a chance that night when you spoke to him at the club. He’s never felt this genuine with anyone he’s been with before. 

He doesn’t know where he would be if he hadn’t cast his doubts aside.

“Aish…” Jimin rolls eyes as his head falls back. “I’m sorry for messing up the mood.”

“The mood is whatever you want to make it. There’s no rules.”

Jimin nods, taking in his surroundings as he steps away to truly look around the room. The rose petals leading from the top of the stairs to your shared bed and the way the dim candles are lit and lighting the room. Jimin can’t wait to see what you’re going to do.

“Now it’s time for you to relax and let me cater to you, Pretty.” You hold your hand out for him to take and when he grabs it, you tug him into your chest. His breath hitches and his eyes widen the moment as he swallows. Whenever you take control, it always makes his heart skip a beat but he wouldn’t trade it for anything else. “I wanna take care of you tonight.”

He looks at you before noticing a bottle of oil next to the bed. The apple of his cheeks turning red as you can feel his dick chub up in his jeans. 

“A massage?”

You hum, twirling your fingers for him to turn around and patting him on the butt to force him to move.

“Yes. Now, go shower.” Your tone is playful but stern and he knows you have something more in store aside from the initial plan. 

“O-Okay.”

“Ah, ah. Yes, what?”

“Y-Yes Mommy!” He squeals, practically skipping toward the bathroom before shutting the door. You light a couple of more candles in his absence and grab a couple of towels to lay on the bed. You want him to feel good but don’t want to worry about cleaning the bed sheets later. Plus that oil is a little too runny, you make a mental note to get a different brand. 

It doesn’t take much longer for Jimin to emerge from the bathroom. His hair is wet and dripping as the water cascades down his toned body. You were always amazed at how beautiful he is as a whole but his toned body is on a whole ‘nother level. You’re dying to rip the towel from his body and give him exactly what he needs to release the unwanted tension throughout it but that is going to have to wait.

For now.

“You’re staring,” Jimin states playfully. “Like what you see?” 

He undid the towel around his waist and let it drop to the floor as he watched you run your tongue over your top lip. He shifts on his feet, the butterflies doing work to his stomach. 

God, you make him feel so wanted.

“You know I do,” You chuckle, taking in just how hard he is (cock so red you can’t help but want to kneel down and blow him). The things you want to do to him right now are so surreal but, atlas, he needs the tension released from his body.

Focus.

You gesture for him to lie down on the bed. He makes a show of it, crawling slowly to give you a full view of his ass. 

“You’re really trying to rile me up, aren’t you, Pretty?”

“Maybe?” He winks over his shoulder before laying down on the towel and wiggling a little to get comfortable. 

“Tease.”

“But I’m your sweet little tease.” He grins, folding his arms and resting his head on top of them. He wiggles a little more to get comfortable. Well, as comfortable as he can get with how hard he is. You can see him rut against the bed as you slap his firm ass, hearing him let off a soft groan. 

“Be still.” It’s your turn to strip down to nothing, your lingerie thrown on the floor (long forgotten). You grab the lemon-scented massage oil from the bedside table and climb into bed, weight on the back of his legs just below his ass. You’re careful to make sure you don’t hurt him. 

“Remember. Relax.” 

“It’s kind of hard when I can feel you’re naked on top of me.”

“Would you have it any other way?”

He shakes his head but hisses the moment you apply pressure into the middle of his back. Your hands travel up to his shoulders and back down his back. Jimin’s hyper aware of how wet you are, he can feel it and holy shit, he wants to be buried inside of you. He wonders… Was this turning you on as much as it was for him?However, this massage feels way too good to have you stop now. He didn’t realize how pent up he was now that you’re doing your best to loosen up those muscles. 

It doesn't go unappreciated. 

“How does that feel, Petal?” A soft chill travels through his body the moment you begin walking your fingers down his back again. You’re no doubt tracing the various moon eclipses in the center of it and he can’t say he doesn’t like it… Because he does. You worship every single part of his body like he was made for you to praise and he can’t help but love every part of it.

You conditioned him this way but he’s glad.

“Sweets?”

“Hm?” 

“Did you hear me?”

“Oh no…” Jimin twists slightly to get a good look at you and he wishes he hadn’t. “Fuck…” You look so hot on top of him (even if it’s the wrong way). He can see your nipples hardened from rubbing your breast against his back and probably the cold air. You always look so sexy when you’re concentrating and right now is no different.

Feeling eyes on you, you glance to meet Jimins and smirk, knowing what that glint in his eyes mean.

“Nope. I’m not done, lay back down sweetheart.” 

Jimin whines, wanting to get you to touch him down there but it’s not working. You’re too determined to finish this. You make sure to get the rest of his back, knowing how much he twists and turns while dancing. He mostly complains about it anyway so you know it’s one of the places that needs to be worked out.

“Still with me?” 

He moans, “Y-Yeah, can you go deeper?” as you slide your palm near the trapezius.

You hum, “Of course. You’re so tense.”

“I know…” Jimin sighs, knowing he’s so fucking turned on. It’s starting to hurt a little since he’s laying on it. “M-Mommy…”

“Yeah?”

“Hurts?”

“Hm?” You scoot further back on his legs to be able to lean down and cup his ass, giving it a gentle squeeze. It’s when you push your fist into the muscle and then knead into it that has Jimin practically crying for release. He moans your name, gripping the sheets on the side of him and pushes back against your hand with a soft whimper. 

“It hurts so good.” You want to ruin him right here, right now. You want to make sure that he can’t walk for a couple of days, stumbling around asking (or rather whining) for your help because ‘you did this to him’.  

You also want him to be able to unwind. Be free of thoughts and responsibilities. To simply feel the world around him. 

Although, the latter is currently living rent-free in your mind.

The scent of the oil sends Jimin's senses into overdrive as it finally fills the room. When you hit a certain pressure point in the back of his calf, he hisses while reaching for a pillow to hold.

“Tell me if it hurts, baby.”

“I will, mommy.” 

Fuck he needed this. You’re so good to him.

You hum, giving his ass a soft smack and hearing him groan.

“You know what I think, Petal?” You ask as Jimin's breath hitches the moment you start kneading his ass. “I should spank you for your outburst the other day.” You smack his ass again before pressing your hand into his lower back, leaning close to his ear. “I should fuck this pretty little hole until you're begging me to stop. Make you cum over and over again from just my cock but you would love that wouldn’t you, baby?”

“N-No. Punish me.”

“Oh? You wouldn't?” You chuckle, finally pulling his cheeks apart to the small Emerald peeking out of his hole. “Is that why this is here?”

“No! No… I-I just wanted to be prepared.”

“Of course, my love.” You tap the little gem before finally pulling it out and pushing it back in. You quickly up the speed and with how hard he is and all your teasing, he doesn't know if he will last much longer. “But I don't think you deserve this… at least, not yet.” You abruptly stop as he begs you to keep going. You pretend to ignore him. You slowly stand up, admiring the way his hole gapes open with the little green gem sitting pretty. 

He knows you’re going to make him work for it. He doesn’t mind doing it but it’s so pent up, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to withstand it. You, however, are enjoying the show as you take a step back to gaze at him. An impish smile spreads across your face. You have something planned.

“Do you think you deserve it?” You ask, your voice soft but enticing. He nods, his eyes wide with anticipation. 

“I said I was sorry…” 

“I know you are and that’s the only reason I’m not.” 

 “P-Please…” He whines as he tries to rut against the bed but another quick slap on the ass stops him.

“Impatient.” With the click of your tongue, you remove the gem from his ass to watch him try to clench around nothing. “Get on all fours.” 

“Yes Mommy.” He’s quick to obey as you reach around his frame to begin to stroke his cock. Running your fingers over his sensitive skin, he moans in pleasure. His eyes were lidding with excitement. You cup his balls in your hand, to massage them before more back to his ass. 

“You want this, baby?” He can feel you thrusting against him and he so wishes you had your strap on right now. He needs it but whatever else you have planned he’ll take that too.

“Yes!” You rub your index against his hole in a circular motion. He moans softly, his body trembling with anticipation. You tilt forward to begin kissing up his back and once you reach his shoulder blades, he knows he’s a goner. 

“If you can cum for me, you can have it.” You reach up to caress his cheek as his body vibrates with pleasure. His heart is pounding against his chest the moment your lips brush against his. "Now be a good boy and turn over for me baby." You step back and smirk, knowing you're about to give him what he really wants. “I wanna see your pretty face.” 

It’s not so much as a request but more of a demand and Jimin does exactly what he’s told. You notice the moment he does that his cock looks like it’s about to burst from being neglected. The way it curves against his stomach makes you want to put it right in your mouth but you know the moment you do, he’s going to cum. 

And you don’t want him to. Not yet.

You nibble your bottom lip to try not to give off how much this affects you but your mouth is watering at the sight. 

“So pretty.”

“For you.”

“All for me?” He profusely nods as he writhes in your grasp, you feel up his stomach. He’s falling into that headspace but he’s okay with it because he knows you’ll take care of him when he does. You always do. “I hope so. Ready?”

“Y-Yes. Please.” Jimin whimpers, puppy eyes staring right into yours. “T-Touch me, please. I’ve been good. I w-waited.”

“Oh baby,” You coo, tracing the pre-cum on the tip of his cock as it jumps from the feathery touches. Another whine erupts from his throat as he arches his back, desperate to feel your lips or pussy wrapped around his cock.

You know he's growing desperate but you also know the pleasure he'll feel in the seconds to come will be out of this world with all the times you've denied his orgasm. You take a mental picture of him on his back with his legs pressed to his chest for your memory bank, savoring the moment. 

Locked up safe and tight.

“I want you…” Jimin sighs, head falling back into the bed. The oil makes his body glisten, accenting the pre-cum drooling from his cock. You lick your palm and take hold of his cock as you slowly stroke it again. This time you swipe your tongue over the tip before closing your mouth over it and sucking it. “You're gonna make me cum.”

“Oh?” You suck a little harder and by the gods, Jimin is right fucking there just a couple of more sucks and you'll have his cum all down your throat but, alas, you stop again and Jimin feels like he's about to go insane.

“Turn over,” You tell him, hearing him whine louder because why? Why did you stop? Why were you doing this to him? Is it because he yelled at you? God… “Ah, ah.”

“Mommy, I-” You raise a brow and honestly, Jimin knows not to say much of anything else unless he wants you to walk out and leave him with the Blues balls he's ever had. Everything hurts at this point but it hurts so fucking good.

“Turn over.”

Once he's in the position, you smack his already red ass another smack to watch it jiggle from the force. That's when an idea comes to mind. You've seen Jimim dance, you know how flexible your king is and you want to see how long he can hold a position. 

“I want you to do the splits, baby.”

Jimin’s eyes widened at the request. He can do it. Hell, he can do the side splits and the front but he's never done it for sexual gain. Will that feel good?

“Do you wanna cum?” Jimin peeks back with pleading eyes, hoping it'll get you to let him but all he gets is a chuckle in return. “Do you?”

“Y-Yes.” 

“Splits.”

Jimin nods, positioning himself into side splits and scooting back to the edge of the bed per your request. It feels weird, to say the least. His muscles are sort of strained but with years of ballet under his belt, he can handle it. You press his upper body into the mattress, lifting his bottom to make his cock and balls hang off the side of the bed. That way it's not hurting him and making it easier for you to play with. 

“Fuck, I love your ass baby.”

Jimin whimpers and wiggles to try and entice you to start. His cock salivating all over the side of the bed sheets. 

“I want you loud, Petal. I wanna hear how good I'm making you feel. Understand me?”

“Yes!” You smack his ass one more time before taking the right cheek and kneading it. “Fuck yes…” He moans, heading falling into the mattress with a gasp once your tongue is swirling around his pretty little hole. “Please fuck my hole. It's yours Mommy. It'll always be yours.”

“Yeah?” You spit into it before delving back in, your other wrapping around his cock to stroke. “You want me to stretch you baby? You want me to fuck you so good you'll still feel it in the morning?”

“Yes! Yes!”

You can feel the sheets tightened because of his grip on the bed sheets. His breathing grows withered and scarce. He jolts the moment you nip at his right cheek and instantly moves to the left and back. 

“Your ass is so fucking amazing, baby.” You trace your finger around his rim before sinking it in. His hole flutters around it, he's so warm and wet and you wanna put your strap on and fuck him to oblivion but he's going dumb with just your tongue and fingers. “I’m gonna fuck you dumb, baby boy. Make you want me so bad.”

You push your finger deeper as he mutters to no but himself, his body trembling with pleasure. You start off slow, hooking your finger to find that spot that you know will drive him wild. 

“I love how wet you are for me already, baby.” Jimin slightly arches his back and pushes his hips up against you. You smirk at how needy he is now, reaching for a pillow to place underneath his stomach to make him arch a little better. 

“Look at you taking my finger so well. It sucks me right in, baby. I wonder if you're ready for my-”

“I am, please!” He whines, pushing his ass back as he hears you chuckle.

“Eager aren't we?”

“Yes. Please!” Jimin’s full on sobbing now and rutting against the pillow. You know the friction it's causing will be enough to make him cum and you think you’ve played with him enough. “I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me, please!”

“Oh I plan to, but first…” You lean forward and immediately start flicking your tongue against his rim. 

before running it down to his balls to the tip of his cock and giving it a light suck.

“Fuck Yes…” Jimin whimpers, “Your tongue is so good. You feel good.”

“Mhm…”

Jimin reaches behind him to try and shove your head into him and try to keep you there. He much rather have you laying on top of him and fucking his tight ass open but he’s so into his pleasure that he can’t seem to reach you like he wants to. He moans louder and louder as you keep licking and sucking his asshole. 

He pushes his ass toward you just to feel more of you. Your hands, your tongue, your body heat- he’s surrounded by you and he knows he can trust you. You make him feel so safe and secure. 

He’s so close to the edge and he wants you to take him over. Your hands gripping his thighs tighter and at this point, he is straight grinding on your face as you tongue his pretty hole. You’re switching between fucking him with your tongue and fingers and his pleasure is at it’s peak. He can feel it simmering in his stomach, wanting it to snap because he needs this. 

He needs you to keep going. 

He feels your body move against his and his heart races as you take him deeper. He’s never felt this pleasure before and he knows he’s going to cum soon. He moans in pleasure as he feels your tongue exploring him, his breathing becoming ragged as he feels you teasing him. 

He wants you to fuck him. So. Fucking. Bad. 

“Please...” His strength is ebbing away, and he can't keep up the momentum. He wants to cum so bad but he wants to feel full.

“You’re so pretty when you beg, petal.” A chuckle escapes your lips. He surrenders completely and lets you take him as far as you want. He feels so relaxed and open with you and he knows he can trust you. He lets you take control and he lets you bring him pleasure. “Ready?”

“Cum… ‘Wan cum…”

At first, you were simply grazing his prostate and barely touching it but now, you’re fucking him so good that he’s starting to mumble incoherently. He’s tensing and then untensing before gripping the sheets so hard, you knew his knuckles were turning white. His moans grow so much louder as his breathing is becoming labored. 

He’s oh so hot and god, you want to ruin him some more.

You add a third and this point, you’re thrusting in and out as his pretty hole sucks your fingers right in. He can’t control the sounds he makes each time you so much as graze (let alone touching) against his prostate and he knows he’s about to cum so hard. He needs this, his mind and body stressed to the point that he can’t even relax on his own but that’s why he’s happy you’re here.

You always know what he needs.

“I’m about to cum!” He buries his face further into the bed and you know his face is beet red from how much he begins wiggling to reach his high. You lean over and whisper in his ear, "Cum for me, baby." 

He lets out a loud moan as his body shudders and he cums all over himself. 

“Ah! Ah! AH!” He yells the moment he finally cums, he keeps rutting into the bed to keep his orgasm going as you begin to slow down since you know he’s hypersensitive right now. “So good. So good. I’m good. Good.” He whines and you know he is falling into his space. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!”

“Petal?” You immediately climb into the bed to lay on top of you, knowing he needs the comfort of knowing someone is with him. You rub circles into his back, let him know that he's not alone and that you're here. You'll always be here. You’re pleased and content in the knowledge that you made him feel this good.

“I'm sorry…” The way he cries does nothing but break your heart because you know it's coming from a place that he hasn't tapped into since he left his last relationship.

“Why honey?” You ask, your smile turns into a frown when his eyes meet yours but they're widened with fear. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I-” He tried to explain but the moment you shake your head, he stops. 

“Honey, don't ever apologize for something that you don't have control over.” You reach forward to caress his cheek, noticing how blotchy with red they've become since his episode. “I told you I would take care of you and I meant that.”

Jimin hums, eyes in a complete daze as he leans into your touch to rub his face into your hand.

“I'm sorry…” You smile, kissing his forehead as well to say it's okay. You hate the damage his ex’s has done to him but you're determined to reverse it because Jimin deserves everything and more. He deserves to be loved and cared for. Not ridiculed because of what he’s into.

“It's okay, Petal.” He rests his head in your breast and you know sleep is finally taking over his form. He needs the rest and you don't bother him while he does.

With his arms wrapped around your waist and his breathing finally evening out. You can say he's satisfied and stress-free right now. 

Maybe you should run him a bath when he wakes up. 

Yeah, you think you’ll do that. You smile to yourself and stroke his hair, he looks so peaceful and content.

You kiss his forehead, silently wishing him a peaceful night.

© 2020 - 2023 » JMVORE || @/http-pjm and @/googikoo » All Rights Reserved.   DO NOT Copy, Translate, Re-Upload, or Steal ANY of my work. Thank You!

#sub jimin #sub bts #jimin x reader #jimin fanfic #bts fanfic #jimin scenarios #sub!jimin #sub!bts #bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fic #bts stories #bts x reader #jmvore #wild thoughts!jm

[luffythinker]

Another rarepair cause i love your reactions - That one friendly anon back at it again

AoyamaBakugo -> can we call their ship name Comet or burning star? thats so adorable.

EDIT after i finished writing this: i didn't mean to drop a whole ass fanfiction on you but i feel like you'll dig this i am bad at writing i can just do tellings of whats going on it isn't really a fic but ya know

Anyway Bakugo is always so nosy and in everyone's business Bakugo is also very smart so im sure if he paid attention to him long enough he would figure out that he was the traitor but lets rewind a little bit DO WE AS A COLLECTED PEOPLE REMEMEBER WHEN AOYAMA TRIED TO SAVE BAKUGO BY SHOOTING HIS LASER?? Bakugo damn sure remembers he remembers everything everyone did to save him and regrets acting like an ass for it telling Todoroki he didnt want his help and all that when they live in the dorms he goes around doing things for all the students that helped try to save him he does something for them cause its gonna burn a hole in his heart if he doesnt repay them

He already paid for Kirishima's goggles what else, made the whole class happy by making Kaminari make them laugh so it wouldn't be so bad but what can he do personally for those who helped?

For Momo he watched her habits until he found out what she likes cause he knows 0 anything about her except shes always got a ponytail, he goes out of his way to track down that expensive tea she so very enjoys the gold tips imperial (was about to call it gold nips lol)

For Deku he's already doing it hes nicer to him being nice to Deku is the greatest gift he can give him after they have their fight and everything

For Iida he ask Momo was the class prez has to do this week and does all of Iida's class prez work for the entire week (i dont know what a class prez does but whatever he does Bakugo does a weeks worth of his work)

For Todoroki he takes him hiking with him he just invites him and they have a good time Todoroki is very confused but glad he was able to see the sights

Lastly Aoyama, Bakugo knows nothing about this classmate of his, he honestly forgot he existed he doesn't know anything about Aoyama so he watches him like he did for Momo but this fucker is observant as hell and he's watching him watching Bakugo and it's scary as fuck lol

"What can i do for you mon ami?" He always catches him in his stare.

Bakugo getting shocked and startled "JESUS, i mean uh.. nothing sparkles."

"Then why are you staring so much? do i have something on my face?"

They have this conversation a lot at the end of class.

its been days into this

"You sure do stare at me a lot Kacchan"

"Dont fucking call me that twinkle toes"

Aoyama slightly turning his head. "But Midoriya calls you that all the time"

"It's Deku exclusive, and i hate being called that" He does not but he doesn't want anyone else to call him that and Aoyama gets it and just drops it

its been a whole 2 weeks

"We sure have been spending a lot of time together Bakugo."

Their conversations are very short and usually at the end of class but its a lot to Aoyama he feels like he's got a friend so he goes out of his way to talk to Bakugo more sometimes during the day or evening at the dorms.

"What are you cooking?" He wants to be of some help. "You certainly love to bless us with your beautiful cooking a lot."

"Because if i don't cook everyone going to eat take out every god damn day."

"I actually have to cook my own food," Aoyama instructs. "My palette needs to be a certain way because moi cannot eat everything everyone else eats."

"Shit, why didn't you tell me?"

This is a big thing for Bakugo he might be himself but hes not gonna willing cause stomach problems for somebody thats diabolical. They end up cooking together alot he tells Bakugo what is easy on his stomach and what he can actually stomach because of his sensitive tummy

Bakugo catches Kaminari or somebody trying to get Aoyama to try something he knows will upset his stomach and Aoyama being kind is going to try it but Bakugo stops him grabbing his wrist

"If something makes your lower intestine fucking explode why eat it?" Bakugo drops his arm. "Twinkles can't eat that he'll be in the bathroom all day if you give him that"

"Sorry dude didn't know you should have said something"

Bakugo keeps looking after him cause Aoyama like Deku fails to take care of himself properly

I also seem to remember that he did pretty bad on his test so he also might need help studying Bakugo is so on it helping him with subjects he doesn't quite understand

We are all in agreement that he is french so language classes aren't something Aoyama is very good at, Bakugo is very bilingual smart boi so he can help him with that.

"This is nothing for you twinkles" he encourages

Twinkles, Sparkles,Glitter these names he calls Aoyama start becoming very endearing.

"You have so many nicknames for me why don't i give you one if thats ok?"

Bakugo stares at him after hours in the classroom helping him with anything hes lacking with sitting at one desk both chairs so close their legs are touching. "Like an insult?"

"Heavens no! I mean like a nickname like you do for me."

"Shoot your shot i guess"

"Well, you are very loud but nothing's wrong with that dearie, since im twinkles like stars you are fire like a firework so im going to call you Dynamite darling"

This is yet another reason Bakugo named himself Dynamite.

This is like the part where your thinking Bakugo is like the alpha male of this relationship but i assure you i mean for them to be on equal grounds but more so Bakugo is so bottom in this relationship idk why i just love seeing dynamics where Bakugo isn't the boss if that makes since?

Aoyama isn't the first to make a move cause one day in training Bakugo saves him from some debris he wasn't fast enough to move so Bakugo had to "Haul his sorry ass" -> Save him it made Aoyama feel very protected the way Bakugo just swooped him off his feet.

"T-thank you so much darling"

"Whatever, be more fucking careful" sitting him down while their classmates look on with expressions that say "Yo, they spend a lot of time together are they ya know, DATING" and by classmates i mean the bakusqaud start teasing him for playing favorites with Aoyama.

Aoyama feels like he's always in the way so he does something it really isn't a lot but he cleans up and cooks and it just so happens Bakugo was really tired that day. Bakugo doesn't really notice it until Aoyama shows up in his room to tell him what he did,

"Glad to have a break?" Aoyama comes into his room. Bakugo is confused. "You did not notice all of your usual chores were done no?"

"I did, thought it was weird."

"I did them, i wanted to give you a break."

Its a unspoken thank you in Bakugo's eyes. when he says "You didn't have to do that but its whatever twinkles."

"You are very welcome, you look very tired so im going to let you get your beauty sleep, i hope you have beautiful dreams."

It's been so so long since they became friends Aoyama feels daring and puts his hand over Bakugo's one day nobody pays it any attention like when they all got together for the hot pot party thing, Bakugo doesn't move his hand or anything he just lets it be.

They dont talk about this for a long time. So Aoyama just starts fucking holding his hand sometimes and this becomes the norm for them.

"Why do you and Aoyama hold hands sometimes?" Kirishima asks because hes just curious.

"We dont fucking hold hands what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Yeah you do, you defiantly do. I've seen you hold hands like 6 or 7 times now, whats going on there bro?"

"Nothing mind your own business shitty hair"

It is now brought to Bakugo's attention he has allowed himself to become to comfortable so he tries to catch himself in these acts causing Aoyama to feel like Bakugo is resenting him.

Aoyama reachs for Bakugo's hand and Bakugo pulls away. "oh.." Aoyama minds himself and leaves it alone. Bakugo is being cold for no reason to Aoyama and it scares him that he thinks Bakugo found out he's the traitor and thats why he's doing this cause he's trying to dissociate, this scares Aoyama cause he thought they were so close and building something he's afraid so he starts to avoid Bakugo as well

Bakugo notices he's avoiding him, he didn't want this he just wanted his friends to stop calling him out on soft shit so he goes to try and confront him but somehow he's always busy.

One day Bakugo catches him in the bathroom with his face care routine you know as one does he grabs his arm "Don't fucking tell me your busy, you can talk and do that shit."

"Oh.. hello Bakugo."

The neglect of his darling burns Bakugo he misses it hasn't heard it in a while.

"please let go of me it's brutish to grab people like this."

"Bull, what is happening?"

Aoyama's mouth hangs open slightly trying to come up with something to say but his words are lost. "I don't know."

"Why are you avoiding me?"

"Your avoiding me first!"

Bakugo realizes hes taking this as him changing one thing as disliking him. "Are you mad i wont hold your stupid hand anymore? is that what this is about?"

"Clearly you know something and i can tell you dont wanna be seen with me."

Bakugo goes to grab his arm again but thats not nice so he just positions himself in front of Aoyama both hands on either side of the bathroom sink Aoyama in the middle. "I'm not like that, i just didn't think thats what this was...." Bakugo looks around in thought before looking back at Aoyama. "You like me?"

This is far from what Aoyama thought was going on he's frizzled pink just as Bakugo is, both a blushing mess now that their feelings are in the air.

"D-do you like me?"

Bakugo can't answer him he opts for backing up and giving the other blonde some well deserved space cause he needed it too, he needed to think.

"Do i like you?" He's more asking himself this question. "Oh my god i think i do."

It didn't even start out this way he just wanted to know what he liked so he could get him a present or some shit how did he end up having feelings?

"Fuck i do like you, FUCK."

Aoyama just chuckles covering his mouth. "Darling you have quite the mouth on you when you're embarrassed dont you?" It's the first time in awhile he's heard that laugh. Aoyama comes closer backing Bakugo up into the wall of the bathroom stall until his back its the door. He looks into those purple eyes a hand caresses his face like he's never felt before there is a fucking boy about to fucking kiss him and hes a deer in the headlights he can't do anything except breath which he can barely do that.

"A-are.. are you.. fuck, are we allowed to do that?"

"Are we allowed?" Aoyama laughs. "Of course, somebody said you weren't?" Aoyama suddenly backs off a little. "Oh, are you not like that? sorry, was this over steping?"

Hes gone and Bakugo wants him back that close again, Aoyama gives him his space. "Excuse me for rushing things like that."

All Bakugo can think is how is he going to get out of here and how he really wanted him to kiss him.

"You...Don't apologize twinkles. I gotta get ready." He barges out of the bathroom and Aoyama watches.

It's been a couple days and Bakugo is thinking about that time like it's yesterday, he can't get Aoyama out of his mind. he keeps wondering what would have happen if they did kiss.

"Bakugo can we talk?" Aoyama approaches. "I don't know where we stand you haven't really been avoiding me but i think there are somethings we need to talk about."

Bakugo is bad at talking about his feelings so he always finds a way to do just that, hes not avoiding him he just doesn't know how to go about talking about this so he always finds something to get himself into so he doesn't have to talk to Aoyama about that.

It's the end of the month, Bakugo is sitting on the roof of his dorm, Aoyama is good at climbing onto balconies so he gets up there with him. "I bought gifts so please don't push me away or leave,"

"There really is no getting out of this for me?"

"Darling we have baggage, we need to talk."

Bakugo offers to help him up the rest of the way he's got blankets and capri suns. Offerings. "Shoot your shot." Bakugo says drinking his capri sun.

"What are we?"

"Humans."

"Very funny, i mean what is our relationship status mon cheri"

"I don't know, i was hoping we could go back to whatever the fuck we started as when i first started talking to you, that was easy."

"Oui, i agree. Lovers of the past life."

"Thats a strong word."

"Lovers?"

Bakugo nods. "Even stronger words exist that are stronger then that."

"Do you want to be strong words together?" Aoyama's hand places over Bakugo's he's ready for him to pull away but he doesn't. Bakugo looks over at him legs pulled into his chest.

"I... i'm unstable right now i don't know if i can be strong words with you right now."

"Do you feel strong words about me?"

Bakugo holds his hand tighter. "I feel a lot of strong words about you." Bakugo doesn't know if hes able to come through with all the things he has inside, everything he feels. "I don't know if im ready."

"Do you want me to wait for you?"

"I don't know how long you'll have to wait until i know everything."

Aoyama holds his hand back even tighter, it's sweaty. "I can wait for a long time if you can wait for me."

Bakugo has no idea what this means but he feels a lot of love from this, he leans over and lays his head on Aoyama's shoulder. He doesn't deserve him. Aoyama quietly ask him if he can kiss him Bakugo nods into him, Aoyama kisses his hair, Bakugo curls up to him, he kisses him more in different places like his cheek his eyebrow everywhere that isn't his mouth cause he isn't ready.

"We don't have to commit to anything but i would like to." Bakugo says between kisses and snuggles. "Give me a reason to want to be ready."

This is his way of saying kiss me on the mouth and Aoyama does. Bakugo balls his hands in Aoyama's shirt, it gets messed up cause his hands are sweaty but neither of them care.

THE KIDS ARE KISSING UNDER THE FUCKING MOONLIGHT ON THE ROOF IT DOESNT GET ANY BETTER i hope i made you scream of joy with this long ass fanfiction im on that Bakugo perspective sorry for cussing so much

Glad to hear from you again anon, hope you're doing good <3 Let's call them Comet cause I think it's cute and fits them so well!!

[so i tried to eact as i was reading so here goes random sentences that may or may not make sense!!]

yes, we do remember that!!!! Bakugo is so funny to me, he really thinks nobody can do anything for him out of kindness or goodwill, he NEEDS to pay them back somehow just to make sure they're evenkldflkfd

especially with the whole traitor thing, i think Aoyama is cautious to not let anybody discover anything from him, so I wonder if he felt nervous once Bakugo started paying attention to him

[pause to scream about "kacchan" being Deku exclusive, my poor bkdk heart can't take it]

THEM BEING COOKING PARTNERS :(( I assume Aoyama can't eat a lot of spices and things like that, so I imagine Bakugo going out of his way to make different food just for him :>

"Bakugo keeps looking after him cause Aoyama like Deku fails to take care of himself properly" YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME IM VERY WEAK HEARTED OKAY

twinkles is actually such a cute nickname, especially for a twinky boy [everybody laughs at my lame joke pls]

BAKUGO NOT GETTING THE CONCEPT OF A NICKNAMEKJJKDFK "like an insult??" MY POOR ANTI-SOCIAL BABY

I don't mind bottom Bakugo at all, I actually love it! I love that he has a strong personality and still isn't the more dominant one hihihi

Not Aoyoma doing acts of service to thank Bakugo, that's so sweet actually :(

ohhhhhh the hand-holding?? I guess it could come naturally to them, just like bit by bit, but with confrontation about it he would pull back a little (he's just very gay and confused okay)

NO IMAGINE HOW SAD HE FELT SEEING HIS FRIEND PULLING AWAY LIKE THAT, and with the traitor thing going on in the side… oh lord

I'M GONNA CRY PLEASE DONT FIGHT

"I'm not like that" oh for heaven's sake

"i think i do" KHFDJKLDFLJDF WHY ARE GAY PEOPLE LIKE THIS

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD ARE THEY GONNA KISS

NO COME BACK FUCK FUCK FUCK LJSDLJSDKLSDLKMDSLKNSDLKSD I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

NOT AOYAMA HITTING HERE WITH THE WHAT ARE WE QUESTIONDSODSJ

not them using "strong words" instead of properly conveying their feelingshsdisdo gay people are such a headache

I won't judge them for waiting, but also i know it can hurt so much

KISSING EVERYWHERE BUT ON HIS MOUTH OH IM GONNA COLLAPSE

OH FUCK THEY ARE KISSING THEY AREUHSDJKCVLJXDKPO

OH MY GOD I GOT SOKJSDKLSDLK MANY FEEELINGJSDKDFKO

omg i just… have no words, i loved this??? this was really brilliant, I hope other people here enjoy it just as much as I did! it was such a fun angsty read

I like that Bakugo was honest with his feelings, about how he needed more time to sort things out because yeah it can be really complicated :( i'm wishing the best for these two

#bakugo x aoyama #bakuyama #we're debuting a new ship name #drum rolls pls #comet #bnha #bnha rare pair #bakugo katsuki #aoyama yuuga #rei replies

[cooloddball]

JIB9 (JIBCON, 2018) ANYALYSIS-PART 1

I never know how to begin these things so let’s just dive in.

Jensen and Misha enter the stage as Alex is leaving. Jensen commends Alex and Misha whistles and Jensen says don’t hurt my ears or something. And so it begin. Misha says he regretted it [whistling] immediately.

 I’m hard of hearing you know why because I whistled. This joke didn’t land Misha. Sorry.

Jensen says “Hey” like he wants to say something to the audience but Misha does this weird thing where he runs his index finger down his nose and touches his chin.

I think this was Misha trying to communicate his disappointment that Jensen didn’t get the joke. He wanted him to get the joke. Misha e tries to find his seat so he could sit but Jensen catches on that Misha needs him so he says, “Hey what? I’m sorry I didn’t hear you.” Aww :)

Misha leans his ear closer to Jensen and says, and Jensen leans even closer and they have this back and forth banter about not hearing what the other is saying.

To mention something personal, I am usually very uncomfortable when people lean into me, I like my personal space unless it’s someone I’m really close to and even then not always will be with them getting up close and personal.. They seem okay with it so good for them I guess. Personal space who?

“I don’t understand your accent” Misha says. I don’t know if this is an inside joke because Jensen says “shut up,” playfully and they sit down.

Jensen applauds Alex and Misha whistles again and Jensen has to look away faux disappointed because they just talked about whistling. Misha!!! Stop being naughty.

Jensen even rubs his ears to show that he can’t hear properly. LOL.

That’s like super loud dude.

 I actually find it really weird when Misha and Jensen call each other dude. It sounds unnatural because Jensen often calls other men-pal, bud, or man and Misha usually uses people’s names or says my friend so and so. So maybe this is what they call each other? I know when I talk to my bf or my friends I call them dude (gn) especially when I’m shocked about something. So, it’s not a biggie. Just noting this because they do this a lot with each other.

Misha does this super cute shoulder shrug with the biggest grin on his face. How can a grown ass man be that adorable. I don’t know how he does it but well he did it and it’s adorable. No wonder Jensen wants to put him in his pocket and take him home.

“I’m compensating.” And he looks at Jensen with this shit eating grin on his face as if challenging him and it’s like Jensen looks like he can’t breathe for a second it was literally three seconds.

 “[compensating] For a lot of things that’s wow.” Jensen says. Misha keeps grinning. Of course Jensen would know what Misha is compensating for wouldn’t he?

 Should we talk about Alex?” Jensen asks looking at Misha.

Loudly “Yeah.”

“No I don’t think so.”

What did you ask how was the pantheon? 

Jesus I love their madness. They play off each other so well.

They say they are working on teaching alex to talk about inappropriate things.  Side note: It’s funny though because Alex looks like their love child. He looks like Misha, and to some extent Jensen, his hair, sense of style and even the way he carries himself is all Jensen. So weird. What if –What if---nvm.

Jensen mentions he remembers his first season of spn. Misha looks at Jensen and says no you don’t [remember] and Jensen agrees that he doesn’t. Yes finish each other’s sentences why don’t you? He says he doesn’t remember that far back and Misha has this far away look as if he is trying to remember something and starts laughing and Jensen has this smirk on his face. IDK what is going on but these are moments I wish I could read minds.

The way Jensen is looking at Misha though.

So Misha mentions how Jared pranked Alex during the tattoo scene of s13x02. The moment Misha mentions Jared, Jensen stops smiling.

Knowing what we know now about the fallout I want to mention something. When Misha talks about Jared and his prank on Alex Jensen doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about that. Hmm and he circles back to talk about Alex then he calls Jared a toddler? But Misha makes it sound like Jensen was referring to Alex by saying easy prey . 

Misha shows the face Alex makes when they are on set together because of the pranks and the jokes.

Jensen adds, “Do you know how many times I’ve seen you do that?”+  Jensen is so excited. I mean anyone who says this is PR then they are crazy. You can’t fake emotions like that no matter how good of an actor you are.

‘The way Jensen calls Misha ‘this one’ It sounds so couply. Like when one half of a couple says, “this one is always a crying mess when we watch the notebook” or something akin to that. Any that’s just how I interpreted it, I could be wrong.

And this is how Misha is looking at Jensen when he says “this one”

That moment when Misha touches the back of Jensen’s neck and Jensen touches his thigh and they think it’s too gay because because Jensen acts like he just touched dirt and Misha brushes off his thigh and smells it. Now that’s acting.

Jensen checks Misha out (he specifically looks at Misha’s arms) and then asks “how’re you doing bud?”

Misha says good and that cringe moment about clothes sharing starts and oh I can’t look…okay I had to look  because cringe. But the way Jensen is looking at Misha is giving me the courage to and also I had to for the sake of this analysis I had to look.

“This morning Jensen was like, ‘hey, here’s that shirt you wanna borrow that shirt to wear to the convention today and I was like ‘no dude I’m not wearing your shirt to the convention to the convention’ and he’s [Jensen] like don’t worry it still has tags on it it’s fine. And I’m like no thanks , I’m not gonna wear your fucking shirt to the convention. And then at lunch I spilled salad dressing all over my shirt like sweet so thanks for the shirt.”

The whole time Misha is telling the story he’s not looking at Jensen he’s looking at the crowd. Jensen on the other hand is checking Misha out while biting his bottom lip. There’s a lot to unpack here.

Jensen:  ‘I knew. Umm..”

Misha:  “You are like Misha didn’t bring his bib today so…”

Jensen:  “He didn’t bring his bib? We are probably having you know some pretty----no I was literally have a shirt that I brought that…cause I try to wear something new for every time there are pictures being taken of me just cause that’s the culture we live in now…”

Interrupting moose enters.

*I will do a comprehensive analysis on the clothes sharing confessions, lies and half truths in another post. Boy (gn) do I have tea.”

I think when Jared is giving Jensen the balloons Jensen asks him if Daniela or someone else sent him to join them but I think he came of his own volition.

Jared is asking Jensen to untie a balloon for him but Jensen doesn’t look too thrilled

Misha must’ve noticed the tension between those two so he asks, “how good a knot did you tie?” 

Jensen’s like, “You know what? I tie a knot that a professional knows how to tie.” Okay kinky, tell us more about knots Jensen. (Sorry for this but knowing the A/B/O or rather the Omegaverse was started because of Jensen and now he’s  talking about tying a knot and…you know what nvm)

Misha pretends that what Jensen is saying is sus so he and Jared have a back and forth wondering what Jensen is talking about as Jensen unties the balloons. Yeah sure Misha like he hasn’t tied …you know what? This is getting uncomfortable even for me. Can we move on?

But Jensen won’t let me move on because he’s like, “seriously that’s how you tie a knot.” Of course you’d know sir

Jared adds, “Or it’s not” can someone shut this man up, please.

Jensen doesn’t like his friend’s joke and he has something to say about it,  “Did he have to join us?” Was this a joke? Was it serious? Who knows but recent events seem to suggest that he might’ve been serious but made it look like a joke.

Jared asks for one balloon and Misha tries to reach for one but Jensen keeps pulling them away so Misha can’t reach. This is so playful and adorable. Misha snags one finally then gives it to Jared. One flies away and he tries to reach for it but he’s not tall enough. 

“Do you want some help?”  Jared asks and laughs then Misha gives him the finger. 

Jensen gets grumpy after Daniela brings Misha a colourless balloon so he hits it with his microphone then he hits his and  sits on it and pops it. Fuck that was hot for some weird reason. I could watch him pop balloons all day.

Misha and Jared’s reaction when Jensen sits on the balloon.

Misha tries Miserably to pop his, Jared can’t look, Jensen is still grumpy but the more Misha struggles the happier Jensen gets and he even manages a smile.

This was hilarious though. Their face journeys.

Jared brings a watermelon and gives it to Misha but Jensen slaps it out of his hands and shows he doesn’t want him to do it from the way he’s waving his hand.

The only thing Jensen wants Misha to wrap his legs around is his waist, or his neck or shoulders or whatever. I don’t know which method of wrestling they prefer, I’m not a professional wrestler I mean I’ve watched WWE a few times but-

Jensen seems happy, I don’t know what Misha says to him before he sits but Jensen seems okay until…

Jared hands Misha the pink balloon holder and says, “You gonna want this for later,” 

Misha doesn’t look too happy about it either but he’s always a good sport. Poor guy, so he plays a long and looks at the holder which interestingly is pink and phallic. I know Jared was joking and yeah the joke wasn’t that funny but Jensen is super pissed because he asks, “Is he?” looking at the balloon holder.

Jesus Jensen wtf? But I honestly understand him, I mean why would Misha need that weird cheap plastic thing when there was the real thing waiting someone in a pair of Levis.

Jensen says, “well… some parts of this”  I can’t quite make out what he says.

Misha tries to make it a light moment by saying it looks like something horrible happened and that gets Jensen to laugh and then Misha bends over to uh..to drop the melon and the phallic object and Jensen’s eyes shoot right down the citrusy-juicy stone fruit goodness. He catches himself looks away and then looks at the crowd while chewing on his bottom lip.

Okay sexual jokes are fun but not every time Jared. I mean c’mon, not everything is a gay sex joke. This is the one thing that sells him out as a straight dude. He makes way too many gay sex jokes it’s not even funny.

They have this weird back and forth about Jared having some notes. Argh. It’s weird. It’s like they are fighting. You see how girls fight and act like like they aren’t fighting but you can sense the seething anger in the undertones of their voices? That’s the vibe I get here. Even Misha is confused because he keeps looking between the two wondering why notes are so important of a discussion that warrants a back and forth. Or maybe it’s just me. IDK.

Misha has to jump in and save the day “He’s [Jared] is just looking through for pictures] Misha explaining to Jensen why Jared has to read the script forty times while Jensen only reads it once.  WTF is going on boys? You were doing so well before and now things seem totally awkward *cough*fallout*cough*

Jensen looks totally done like he wants to be anywhere but here, seriously look at him.

It gets so awkward so much so that Misha has to prompt a fan to ask a question. As I said earlier, no one is such a great actor to fake emotions. Jensen keeps proving my theory. Something was going on with j/2 that day and no matter how hard they tried to mask it, it came out and it wasn’t pretty. Then again, maybe it’s just me and nothing was going on.

A fan asks how they like stories to end and  before he can answer, Misha quickly glances at Jensen then goes ahead and explains how he likes the story to leave him on a cliffhanger.

Misha has barely finished talking before Jensen chimes in with a “I Do NOT!” Look at Jared’s and Misha’s faces. Something was clearly going on and I think it had something to do with the show because Jensen didn’t seem okay since Jared came on stage. He says how he wants a finality to things otherwise jerks. They were clearly talking about the show, Jensen, for a good actor you are acting really weird. It is about the show because he says, “we are just dead”  Something very weird was going on. Maybe at this time they already had had their meeting with TPTB in LA and he was told to take it or leave it and Jared and Kripke didn’t even hear him out. My poor baby, Do all the spin offs King and you should star in all of them like you deserve.

He even says that spn dying is not a finality. He looks super pissed. What did these people (Jared and tptb) do to him? They broke him. He was doing so well.

Luckily a fan asks them if they can dance so Jensen goes to the wheel and Misha gets up. I think he knows Jensen is angry and he has to try to make his man happy the best way he can. Jared is suffering from second hand embarrassment as am I. Jared can’t look, same Jared this is so cringe. But Jensen can’t help himself, as he is coming back from spinning the wheel he checks out Misha’s citrusy-juicy goodness again 🍑

Misha please stop. I love you but this is embarrassing. Okay so let me look at Jensen instead. He looks like those gentlemen waiting for the debutantes at a debutante ball because of the way he’s standing looking at Misha dance. Subtle sir. Very subtle. I mean if my friend was dancing like that I’d be laughing at them not watching longingly. Just saying, but that’s just me.

The way Misha looks at Jensen and starts rolling his hips. Sirs, can you not do your mating dance in public? There are children in the audience. 

Even the way Jensen cues in the music so he can dance looks like he’s in the Victorian era asking the music master to play the song he asked to be cued in so he could dance with his sweetheart or something. Am I going crazy? I’m going crazy.

The whole dancing scene was just cringe.

Mish explaining what Castiel does when the boys go to sleep 

Hold on, when Jensen asks what Castiel does when the Sam and Dean are asleep in their respective bedrooms, he made sure to emphasize respective bedrooms and we all know the reason why. Stay speaking facts king.

Anyway, when he asks Misha to demonstrate for us what Cas does, did he expect that Cas stands there peeping into Dean’s room and wanks or what did he expect? Honestly I’m just curious, what did he want Misha to demonstrate exactly.

Then he gets up to demonstrate it himself . 

When Misha says that the episode will be called ‘I’ll just wait here ten” Jensen unicorn laughs and when he realizes he was laughing to hard at Misha’s joke he says, ”I don’t get it.” Yeah sure Jensen it was clear from how hard you laughing to the point where we could see your tonsils that you didn’t get it. Good one. Misha maintains a serious face and even shakes his head.

A fan asks Misha what Castiel would have in his room. Misha says just a bunch of catnip. I don’t know what is so funny again that it warrants Jensen to hide his face because he’s trying not to laugh too hard. Does the word catnip or Cas being a cat mean something to you? Is it because Misha is cute like a kitten? Do love to rub his tum and hear him purr? Does he rub his nose along your beard like a cat would? What is so funny?

Then Jensen adds, “and kitty litter.” So adorable. I want in on the inside joke.

Misha says that he would have a poster of a cat hanging from a tree that says, “Hey it’s Monday” and Jensen laughs so hard. Then Jensen makes sure to add, “he has that poster in his trailer.” How do you know?

Why are these two dorks so happy about the mention of AU Cas? 

Then the way Jensen is excited about asking Misha for a demonstration of AU Cas 

 WTF am I watching? Help. But the eye fuck and the way the laugh.

Look how hard Jensen is laughing when Misha says what went through his head is that “they met at a club.” Pray for Jensen. He needs help. Serious help because no one is ever that funny all the time Jensen.

You can see how Jensen’s mood changed after Jared said that is the best acting he has ever seen Misha do. Jared seriously read the room. That part of the video has been discussed before so I won’t get into that.

The way Jensen’s eyes widen when Jared says Misha really wants to answer the who is your rock question. It is subtle but it happens. He also raises his eyebrows  as if to say “really? leave my husband alone.”

Okay did Jared expect Misha to say Jensen was his rock or??

Jensen is acting weird through Misha’s answer. He’s mostly stoic, like he’s holding his breath? Can I also mention how handsome Misha looks? But I like Misha’s answer and it’s so beautiful that he married his best friend. Everyone who wants to get married should marry their best friend. What do I know though? Marriage is a foreign concept to me.

Jensen asks how many mothers there are in the audience.

Jared carries on with “how many of us have mothers?

Misha: That’s quite an impressive turn out. So many people didn’t raise their hands.

“They are like no I was genetically engineered in a lab.” Okay hear me out. Jensen knows what you know who believe that  his kids and Jared’s kids were made in a lab because they couldn’t stand to copulate with their wives because of how much they hate them because Jared is his on true love. If you didn’t know this I’m sorry to divulge this disgusting piece of information to you but you can’t unsee it now so you are welcome. I swear I think this was a jab at them, no one can convince me otherwise.

Even Jared and Misha’s reaction to that is pretty telling. Then Jensen adds “And some of you probably were” I think he means those soulless fans who send their wives and kids threats and also hate on Misha every chance they get. Go off king.

He talks about how his wife is also his rock aww Jensen

Remember how Jensen was being weird during Misha’s answer? Misha is being weird as well, mostly stoic and looking at a fixed spot on the ground. I want to know what was so interesting.

Oh that micro expression from Jared, his right eye widens the moment Jensen says “I have some amazing pebbles in my life.” Did he think Jensen was going to out himself? He was like oh shit oh sit it’s happening.

The glee on Misha’s face when when Jensen calls him a pebble aww Jensen.

I know what I’m about to say is controversial but I think that by pebbles Jensen meant Misha. It doesn’t make sense that he was comparing his wife and his friends. The only person he would relate his wife to is his husband. I know this sounds crazy and people will definitely not be happy about this but that’s my opinion.I I know he loves Jared and he is his bro for life  so if he was referring to them both wouldn’t he have pointed to them both?

Jared talks about how sometimes he doesn’t want to burden the people he really loves with what’s on his mind all the time and Jensen points to himself in a very aggressive way. Jesus Jensen way to be subtle. Fuck. Also Jensen nods vigorously when Jared says look for your pebbles because sometimes pebbles are what you need to get back to your rock.

It’s time to sing a hbd song and when Misha asks Jared “did you volunteer for this?” That’s when Jensen places his hand on Misha’s knee and says “I got it” He’s like, babe seriously? You are gonna ask Jared to sing when you know I got the voice for it? Seriously? I’m right here babe. I sing to you every night and you gonna do me like this? I got this and you are mine.

He caresses that leg and gets very comfortable on it, draping his arm from the elbow down on it. Possessive much? It’s clearly not the first time he has parched on that leg. The hand was on that leg for 1 minute and 15 seconds. Yes, I counted.

The intimate way in which Jensen and Misha they are seated is so awkward that Jared scoots away from them.

 Damn, son. Jensen’s vocals are out of this world. So good.

Jesus Jared “Deeper, deeper feel it” Is that what they were screaming through the hotel walls last night? Tell us more.

Misha is so uncomfortable and Jensen is so done.

So overall this part was basically cockles being cockles, Jensen being possessive of Misha, Jared being Jared, Jensen being done, the girls are fighting and Misha is the referee. 

That’s the end of part 1.

Part 2

#cockles #j2m #cokles jib9 panel #jib9 #jibcon 2018

[togetherwearerapture]

Boundary (Ethan x MC x Tobias?)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Elle Valentine) x (hints of) Tobias Carrick

Description: Tobias and Elle get to know each other while working on a case. Tobias pushes some boundaries.

Warnings: A few curse words, underlying health problems. Most characters belong to Pixelberry.

Word Count: 5.9k

Notes: Something a bit different, but I very much enjoyed writing this. There’s no overt Tobias x MC, so this is hopefully something Ethan stans can enjoy reading too. If PB won’t give me what I want, I guess write it myself lol 

*********

It’s early Fall, yet despite this fact and the hospital’s ‘Bloom-and-improved’ ventilation systems, the diagnostics office feels uncomfortably hot. Elle feels a prickling heat across her back, one that she has become accustomed to of late. The façade she’s wearing is beginning to feel like an actual mask, all clinical-scented and restrictive and artificial.

And yet, this is not a mask she’s wearing on a crowded, sweltering T carriage. Her discomfort is unwarranted; there are, after all, only three of them in the room.

Oblivious, Ethan and Harper continue their conversation. She’s tuned out long ago, but she catches the premise- something that Dr Yannick once said at a conference in New York several years ago.

If she really tried, Elle knows she could search for a moment to join in the discussion. But if she’s being honest with herself, she’s tired of searching for sidegates to enter their house of conversation, instead of ever being invited through the front door.

She tries her hardest to appear relaxed, unbothered, indifferent. But her uneasiness spills into her mannerisms, like water through a cracked pot. Manicured nails drum erratically on the top of her thigh. Her top teeth tug, over and over again, at her lips. The apex of her stiletto heel taps the diagnostic office floor like a furious knife.

She likes and respects Harper very much, and her feelings for Ethan, both as a diagnostician and as her romantic partner are unfathomable. But as juvenile as it sounds, she’s so tired of being shut out.

A whooshing of the sliding doors breaks her out of her reverie, and she and the two other occupants of the room look up. Tobias Carrick strides in, all beams and bravado.

Her own notion takes her by surprise, but somehow, she thinks, his arrival is the breath of fresh air she so desperately needs.

“Goooood morning team!” he chimes brightly. Once again, his arms are laden with a trayful of drinks.

“Morning,” Elle offers him a warm smile, Harper echoing her words.

Ethan nods towards the drinks.

“Another round on you?”

“Sure is, but this isn’t just any old round, Ethan,” Tobias replies. “Now I’ve spent a week on the team, I take great pride in this being the first drinks order that’s just right, for all of you.”

Ethan quirks an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

Tobias grins, and plucks the first drink off the tray.

“Harper,” he presents her with an extravagant looking drink. “Chocolate frappucino. Double the sugar, double the caffeine. The Friday OR schedule is always jam packed, so I reckon you’ll need it.”

“You got that right, I’ve got two laminectomies today,” she sighs, although the passion for her job shines through her eyes. She takes a sip from her drink. “No complaints from me!”

“Excellent,” Tobias grins. “Ethan- a Vienna for you. Classic, refined, and,” he winks, “only a little pretentious.”

Ethan accepts the drink with a roll of his eyes, as Tobias moves around the desk to Elle.

“And now, for you Elle,” he hands her the third cup. “I must admit, for you I went out on a whim. I just hope my guess is a lucky one.”

Curiosity piqued, Elle presses the rim to her lips. She is aware of the eyes of both Tobias and Ethan following her action with interest. Mild, pleasant citrus swims onto her palate.

“Lemon balm?” she asks Tobias. He nods. “You going to elaborate?”

He shrugs.

“Well, I’ve noticed that I’ve never seen you with a coffee before 4pm, so I figured you like to limit caffeine earlier in the day. And I’ve seen you make up a couple of herbal teas before. I took a gamble and figured you’d like this one.”

“Impressive guess, Carrick,” Elle nods, amused. She takes a sip. “It’s good, thank you.”

“Those are some very…astute observations” says Ethan stiffly, as Tobias takes a seat beside Elle. “Maybe you can put your perceptiveness to better use for our next case.”

He slides three manila envelopes across the table, and the team begin to peruse.

“Jake Adams. 17-year-old male admitted last night, with multiple cardiac arrests,” Ethan begins. “He collapsed at school, was unresponsive, no signs of life, but luckily a fellow student was able to perform high-quality CPR until the paramedics arrived. Heart rhythm on their defibrillator was ventricular fibrillation, he was shocked, back to normal sinus rhythm. Between the scene, being loaded onto the stretcher, in the ambulance and arriving here, he arrested and was shocked again 5 more times.”

“Jesus, poor boy,” murmurs Elle, a crease forming between her brows.

“Cardiology have asked us if we can determine the cause of the arrest, which will of course determine the treatment,” Ethan explains.

“This case only came in last night and since he’s now on life support, we’re able to bypass Bloom’s absurd judicial performance and get straight into it,” Harper adds. “Actually, Ethan and I discussed it at length before you both arrived, and we have some solid ideas.”

Elle looks up from the file, quirking an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“So I’m thinking Long QT syndrome, or maybe Brugada,” says Harper.

“They would definitely explain the spontaneous cardiac arrest,” Ethan adds, “Harper and I have ordered genetic testing for both on immediate family members already.”

“Any family history of sudden cardiac death?” Tobias asks.

“Not that we know of,” says Ethan. “But that wouldn’t rule it out.”

Elle frowns slightly as she browses the file. The tests ordered so far are scant, and in her mind, there are several pieces of the diagnostic puzzle missing. But this didn’t seem to stop Harper and Ethan steamrollering ahead, and seemingly settling on a diagnosis before the case had even been presented.

“Does Jake have a-”

“Do you remember that patient with Brugada syndrome who came in for a study a few years ago, Ethan?” Harper turns to Ethan suddenly.

“Ah yes, Paul?” Ethan chuckles, “he was quite a character.”

As Harper and Ethan drift off once again, Elle glances up to see Tobias looking at her quizzically. She lets out a heavy sigh.

Tobias clears his throat.

“Hate to interrupt your…uh…stroll down memory lane,” he begins. “But Elle was about to ask a question about the case, and you both spoke over her.”

The three other diagnosticians turn to Tobias, and a tense silence hangs in the air. After a beat, Harper speaks up.

“I’m sorry Elle,” she says, sincerely. “That was out of line, please continue.”

Tobias turns to Ethan expectantly, who meets Elle’s eye.

Something flickers across his face for a moment, a mixture of shame, guilt, embarrassment, perhaps? It’s a look that Elle can’t quite place. Then, his eyes skim to Tobias and he coughs awkwardly.

“Yes…thank you Tobias. We did speak over you, Elle, I apologise. What were you saying?”

“I was asking if he had a 15-Lead ECG.”

“Not yet,” Harper replies.

“Then until he has one, I don’t think you can consider Brugada syndrome,” says Elle. “We’d need to do an ajmaline challenge too. I can see from the echocardiogram reports in here that he has a structurally normal heart, so we can definitely exclude congenital heart disease as the cause. But for me personally,” she gestures to the file, “there’s a lot missing in here. About what actually happened.”

“How do you mean?” Ethan asks.

“About the context of the cardiac arrest. All we know is that he was at school, but what was he doing? Was he doing anything strenuous, did it happen at rest? There’s a lot more I’d like to know.”

The rest of the team nod thoughtfully.

“I agree…if it happened during exertion, there’s a few other things we could rule out,” says Tobias.

“Exactly,” says Elle. “I think we should consider catecholaminergic polymorphic ventricular tachycardia.”

“You’re thinking CPVT?” asks Ethan, interested. “It’s a possibility.”

“Yes, and it’s one I’d like to investigate more by visiting the school, and finding out more about what happened” says Elle.

“I think that’s a good idea,” Harper responds, twirling her fountain pen between her fingers. “But unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you on your expedition. Like Tobias said, I’ve got a full day in the OR.”

The rest of the team turn to Ethan, who hesitates.

“I…have a meeting with Naveen and the board until lunch,” he says. “Which-”

“-means it’s just you and me, Valentine!” exclaims Tobias, clapping his hands together. “Oh boy, I’ve been looking forward to my first house call with the diagnostics team. We’re going to be on some scooby doo shit, Elle!”

“I beg your pardon?” says Ethan, scowling. Elle can’t help but burst out laughing.

“That settles it then, me and Elle will go to the school,” says Tobias, standing up from his chair. At the same time, Harper gets a page that her surgery is starting and bids them a hurried farewell.

“I was going to say, which means the three of us can go this afternoon once I’m finished,” Ethan says stiffly, as Harper heads out. Tobias shoots him a bemused look.

“I’d rather not wait,” says Elle flatly.

Ethan has wasted enough time in their meetings by bringing up pointless anecdotes with Harper, and she’s very keen to revert her focus to the patients, to diagnostics- the things she loves.

“Me and Valentine will be just fine, E. After all, I’m sure what happened with Jake is still pretty raw to the kids and staff, we’ll need to handle it delicately. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, right?” Tobias flashes Elle a smile.

The same look as before flashes across Ethan’s face, although this time, Elle thinks, it has less of the awkwardness and embarrassment and more of the…something else. His bright blue eyes seem to narrow a fraction, as he looks between Tobias and the woman of his affections.

“Alright,” he sighs finally. “We’ll reconvene when you’re back.”

“Let’s get this show on the road!” says Tobias happily. “To the mystery machine!”

He crosses the room to retrieve his car keys from his bag, while Ethan turns to Elle, and this time, the look of concern is undeniable.

“If you need anything,” he closes some of the distance between them and lowers his voice just a little, “just call me.”

“I think we can handle it,” says Elle, not unkindly. “Enjoy your meeting. And tell Naveen I said hello.”

And with that, she and Tobias leave the office.

********

A short while later, Elle and Tobias are riding in his blue Mercedes S-Class on the way to Jake’s school, a short drive away in South Quincy.

“Not exactly the mystery machine, huh?” says Elle, glancing around at the plush interior.

Tobias shrugs.

“The same colour, at least.”

Boston blurs by as Tobias pulls into a main road, and Elle turns to look at him. His side profile is unmistakably handsome. He drives one handed, the other resting on his thigh.

“So, how’s June?”

He gives a wry half smile, and glances at her.

“Is that your way of asking if we’re still sleeping together?”

“No!” says Elle, honestly. “I’m just wondering how she’s fitting in at Mass Ken. I mean, she left Edenbrook when she thought the ship was going to sink. I got the impression she was pretty keen to be working on your team, now I can’t help but think now you’ve come here, Aurora too…don’t you think she’s been left kinda high and dry?”

“In all honesty, I haven’t seen her for a while, and don’t expect to again anytime soon,” Tobias admits. “But trust me, Hirata will be just fine. She’s head of the team there now.”

Elle raises her eyebrows, impressed.

“I’d say she moves fast, but actually, that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

“She was pissed as hell when I said I was leaving, don’t get me wrong,” says Tobias. “But she’s the strongest diagnostician on that team, and the strongest player too.”

“Player?”

“She knows how to play the game. She’ll have no trouble asserting herself as the new leader, running the show the way she wants to.”

Elle thinks back to her time working with June. The way she changed her personality to gain patients’ trust…and Elle’s. Distant anger simmers at the back of her mind, as she remembers how June stole her employee file.

“I agree…office politics was always child’s play for June.”

“Speaking of,” says Tobias as they stop at a red light. He turns to look at her. “The meeting this morning seemed very…uh…political.”

Elle pauses as feels the uncomfortable tingling rise in her chest. She could ask “what are you talking about?”, but she knows exactly what he’s talking about. And there’s something about Carrick that makes her want to cut the crap, to be upfront. So she is.

“You mean Harper and Ethan…”

“Yeah, that. Whatever the hell that was.”

Elle is silent.

“Does that…happen a lot?”

“More often than I’d like.”

“Well, good job I’m here then,” he grins.

Elle’s head whips around.

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon, you can’t tell me you didn’t appreciate the out.”

She rounds on him.

“Ok, let’s make one thing clear, I don’t need you to fight my battles” says Elle angrily. “Since Harper joined, every time the two of them have gone off track, I’ve steered them back on. I’m here for the patient, to solve the case, and nothing is going to detract my focus from that. That’s the way it’s going to stay, with or without your “outs”, Tobias.”

Tobias chuckles.

“You’re feisty Elle, I like it.” His eyes sweep over her from head to toe, which makes Elle feel more angry, but also, inexplicably, makes her stomach flutter a little.

“What I mean is,” Tobias speaks more seriously; sensing her anger, but mercifully oblivious to the other sensation, “I hope you know you’ve got someone else in your corner Elle. I know how much you care about your patients, and I know Bloom’s going to make life for the team difficult, and try and undermine our every move. That’s not helped when it feels like you’re not listened to by the actual people in it. You’re an excellent doctor Elle, and I value your input. The others should too.”

Elle is dumbstruck. She still doesn’t know what to make of Tobias Carrick; she had picked up pieces and hints from the scattered stories she’d heard from Ethan, most recently in their walk through the rose garden. But while considering the perspective and feelings of the man she so deeply cares for, she acknowledges it is biased. Elle knows that she has good reason to be wary of Tobias; it was not just Ethan he had toyed with, after all- Aurora had been burned by him too.

But, Tobias had helped to save her life. And the genuine smile that he gave her through the contamination screens of that cursed room, on the worst day of her life, had always stayed with her.

So, with a pinch of salt ready between her fingers, Elle decided from the moment he joined the team, that she would form her own opinion of him.

It occurs to her then, just how much Ethan sees the world in black and white. But Tobias Carrick is very much a shade of grey.

Before she can respond to him, the GPS on Tobias’ dash declares that they are arriving at their destination, and sure enough, Elle sees the school up ahead on the right.

“Here we are,” murmurs Tobias as he pulls in through the school gates. “Looks like we’re expected.”

They park up and head over to the school steps, surrounded by blossom trees, where a middle aged woman offers them a watery smile and extends a hand.

“Ah, hello…the doctors from Edenbrook, I presume?” she asks. “I’m Helena Brady, the principal of Greenview High.”

“Yes, we spoke earlier on the phone,” says Elle. “I’m Dr Eleanor Valentine, and this is Dr Tobias Carrick. We’re here to speak to the people that were with Jake when he collapsed?”

“I’m afraid it’s just the one person,” says Helena gravely, leading them through the school. “His friend Charlie was the only one who saw it, and then ran for help. How is Jake doing?”

“He’s still in a coma, but stable,” says Tobias. “The most important thing for us to help him, is find out from Charlie some more about the collapse, and go from there.”

Helena nods, as they come to a stop outside a small office.

“We’ve all been praying for him, it’s so tragically sad…nothing like this has ever happened to a student before,” she sniffs stoically. “Thank you for your work doctors, but please, be gentle with the boy. He’s still very shaken.”

Elle smiles at her reassuringly.

“We will be, don’t worry.”

As Tobias and Elle knock and enter the room, the boy springs to his feet, eyes wild.

“You’re the doctors…how’s Jake, is he-oh god is he-is he dead?” he cries.

“No, Jake is ok. He’s been through a lot, but he’s recovering,” says Elle gently. Charlie sinks back into his chair, though his knees are still quaking.

“It’s Charlie right?” Tobias asks, pulling up a chair. “I’m Tobias and this is Elle. We’re Jake’s doctors. Do you know why we’re here today?”

“Y-yes, that’s me,” Charlie sniffs. “Principal Brady said you were here to talk to me about Jake…I was so scared, I thought, I thought that meant he had died.”

Elle kneels in front of him, laying a gentle hand on his knee.

“I’m really sorry that us coming made you think that, Charlie,” she says. “It must have been really tough watching Jake collapse like that, I’m not surprised you’re thinking the worst. But we think we can help Jake get better, we just need your help.”

Some of the tension seems to leave Charlie’s body upon hearing this; his shudders subside. He pulls anxiously at the strings of his hoodie, unruly teenage bangs falling over his forehead.

“So, Charlie,” Tobias asks as Elle pulls up a chair beside him, “do you think you could tell us a bit more about what Jake was doing when you saw him collapse? Had he been running, exercising, working out?”

“No,” Charlie says quietly. “He wasn’t doing anything like that.”

“That’s really helpful Charlie, thank you,” says Elle. “Can you tell us if he standing up or sitting down? Did he lose his balance or seem dizzy? Did he complain of feeling ill, or funny in any sort of way before it happened?”

Charlie stiffens.

“No. He was-we were-we were arguing.”

Tobias and Elle exchange a quick look.

“Is Jake your friend, Charlie?” Tobias asks.

“No! No he’s not, and I’m so sick of pretending he is!” Charlie shouts. “Jake’s my boyfriend!” Tears begin to roll down his cheeks.

“Oh Charlie, I’m so sorry,” says Elle. “You said you were pretending…does anyone else know that?”

Charlie shakes his head.

“No. That’s what we were arguing about,” he accepts a tissue that Elle offers, blowing his nose.

“Take your time, Charlie,” says Tobias, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms. “It’s ok.”

After a few deep breaths, Charlie steels himself.

“We’ve been dating for three years, kind of in secret, kind of not,” he explains. “My parents know I’m gay, and they’re fine with it. They’ve met Jake before and they love him, they know we’re together. But he’s not even out to his parents, they just think we’re friends.”

He sniffs.

“Now we’re in senior year, we’re both looking at colleges, and we want to go to different ones. We’d be living five hours apart. I don’t know if we can make the long-distance work, especially if his parents don’t know about us. In the times we’d both be back home, they wouldn’t understand why he’d want to spend a lot of that time with me. But the one thing I just really, really wanted, was for us to go to senior prom together. As a couple, you know? To just dress up together, get photos together, dance together, one last time before we leave.”

“And Jake…wasn’t on board with that?” asks Elle.

“He was,” says Charlie. “He said he really wanted to. He just…wasn’t on board with the part of that which meant he’d have to come out to his parents.”

“I see,” says Tobias.

Charlie’s eyes begin to fill with tears again.

“I was saying, before he collapsed, that he didn’t love me,” he cries. “That he must not love me if he’s not prepared to come out. He was getting so upset, begging me, telling me of course he loved me, he was just scared, and then-” he sobs. “Then he was on the floor.”

Elle kneels beside him again, taking both his hands in her own.

“I’ve been googling stuff that could have caused it,” Charlie sniffles. “I saw there’s this condition, some long one beginning with, a C, I think, that means people’s hearts can give out when they’re stressed.”

Tobias raises an eyebrow, somewhat impressed at the boy’s diagnostic skills.

“What if-what if I could’ve killed him, because of the argument? And I told him he must not love me, I didn’t even mean it, I know how hard it is to come out, I didn’t mean to-” he buries his head in his hands.

“Charlie- Charlie listen to me,” says Elle. “It’s true, that we think Jake might have a condition called CPVT. It means that certain situations, like exercise, or stress, can cause the heart to go into an abnormal rhythm. But that does not mean, whatsoever, that any of this is your fault. We all say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, when we’re angry. If Jake does have this condition, and we’ll have to run a couple more tests to know that for sure, then it means that we can treat it, and stop it from happening again. It could have happened to him at anytime, anywhere, but he was lucky enough to be with you. You’ve helped him have a lucky escape.”

“R-really?” asks Charlie.

“Really,” says Tobias, who is on his feet. He lays a hand on Charlie’s shoulder.  “Your principal was telling us earlier that you did CPR on Jake while you got others to run for help?”

“Yes,” Charlie mutters, looking up at Tobias.

“Well Charlie, I think you saved his life.”

Charlie’s eyes gleam with hope.

“What are you applying for at college?” Tobias asks.

“Um..cardiac nursing,” he says.

“Very fitting. You’ll always be welcome at Edenbrook for some work experience.” Tobias smiles, genuinely. It’s the same smile Elle remembers from after the attack.

“Do you think, then, that he’ll be ok?” Charlie asks tentatively.

“Yes, I do,” smiles Elle. “And I think that you and Jake will be ok too.”

****************

Some time later, Elle steps out of the school. After speaking at length with the school counsellor, she had made sure that Charlie had some extensive therapy sessions in place. Tobias is waiting for her at the foot of the steps, beneath the blossom trees, and she is surprised to see he has a cigarette in hand.

“You smoke?” she raises an eyebrow at him as she approaches. “I thought you’d know better, Tobias.”

He takes a drag.

“Vices, Valentine,” he quips. “We all have them.”

Elle vaguely remembers Ethan had once said the same thing about butter.

“Carcinogens, though. Really?”

Tobias chuckles.

“I’m dirty, what can I say?”

He dutifully puts out the cigarette, as Elle gives him a reproachful look, and turns to her.

“You were good in there, with him,” says Tobias.

“Thanks…so were you.”

“We make a good team,” he smiles, and his expression softens a little. “That was kinda heavy though. You bearing up ok?” he asks.

Elle nods.

“I’m fine. I just hope Charlie will be ok, I really want to make sure he starts therapy as soon as possible.  I know how much of a difference it made for me, after the attack.”

She trails off, and Tobias seems to sense the darkness clouding over her eyes. The mild September breeze sifts through the blossom trees above them with a gentle sigh.

“I don’t think I ever actually said this to you,” says Elle quietly, “but thank you. For helping to save me and Raf, that day.”

“No thanks needed,” he responds. “I wanted to do everything I could to help.”

He pauses only briefly before continuing.

“You know, out of everything that happened that day, all the work we did in the lab trying to find an antidote…the one thing I remember most is how Ethan was in that room. In all the years I’ve known him, I’ve never seen him like that before. About anyone, or anything.”

A sudden chill trickles down her neck, goosebumps erupt on her forearms; a million tiny foothills.

Since their conversation in the car after Danny and Bobby’s funeral, Ethan had never really spoken in depth about his own feelings during the attack. Sometimes, in early hours when they laid in bed together, with the rain hammering against his window, she would mention it.

And every time, she would see his eyes darken with so many unsaid words. He would fix his gaze desperately on her like she was evaporating steam, set to vanish from existence in a matter of moments. His hold on her waist would tighten, fingertips tracing her soft skin as if to remind himself she wasn’t a ghost.

There had been whispers in his bed in the stillness of the night, when they were both half asleep. He had uttered sleepy confessions and declarations to her; some so heartfelt and moving, she still questioned whether they were real or if she had dreamt them.

More often straight after the attack, but still now sometimes, she would wake in his arms to find him already looking at her, his eyes filled with wonder, pain, and something else that she was starting to place.

‘Why are you awake?’ she would gently murmur.

‘I couldn’t sleep. I-had a nightmare.’

She would press herself closer to his chest, feel his strong arms encircling her as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

‘I’m here, Ethan.’

‘I know. I’m…so glad you are.’

She is jolted to the present with Tobias’ voice.

“Even if he didn’t show it this morning…Ethan’s got it bad for you, you know.”

Elle cranes her neck to look up at him- at the man who shares so much history with Ethan. He’s almost as tall as her lover, but slightly less built, shoulders not quite as broad. Alike in many ways, but different in so many others.

“Why are you here, Tobias?” she asks, without breaking eye contact. “You had it all at Mass Kenmore. You’re an excellent diagnostician, you could have gone anywhere. Why, of all people, would you want to come and work for Ethan, someone you have such a complicated past with?”

Tobias’ hazel eyes, a contrast to Ethan’s azure blue’s, look into hers deeply. She knows that there’s something hiding beneath their golden depths; either earnestness, an ulterior motive, or perhaps something more complicated- a mixture of both.

He takes a step towards her, raising his hand towards her face. Her breath hitches, then climaxes in a soft exhale, when he simply removes a lone blossom petal that has settled on the lapel of her white coat. She wonders what exactly she had been expecting him to do.

Tobias twists his tongue between his teeth, a half-smile playing on his lips. Once again, his eyes roam over her from head to toe. This close, Elle can smell his cologne. It’s good; notes of leather and pine and exotism drift to her olfactory nerve. It’s a contrast to her favourite aftershave of Ethan’s, which smelled like bergamot, cedar, and home.

Tobias drops the petal to the floor, his eyes never leaving hers.

“I’m here Elle,” he murmurs, “because I want to push boundaries.”

********************

Ethan leans against his desk, fingertips drumming impatiently. His meeting had been finished for a while now, but he was still waiting for Elle and Tobias to return.

His old rival’s keenness to go on an outreach call with Elle had stirred something within him. Something in his head had switched on. A distant alarm bell that had been silent for some time, had started to ring.

Lost in thought, he mulls over the events of the morning.

He’d done it again.

He, and Harper, had spoken over Elle when she was trying to talk about the patient. Not only that, he recognises now, but before Tobias had entered the room, the two of them had been reminiscing about something that didn’t involve Elle in the slightest.

He doesn’t know why he keeps slipping up. He harbours no romantic feelings for Harper whatsoever, but he’s been enjoying the chance to work more closely with her, the friendly conversations, to share stories and experiences.

But they haven’t just been work related, he thinks. Did I really need to bring up the flamenco lessons? Or Gaston’s? He recalls the look on her face when he’d told Elle he planned to take her there because of its intimacy, immediately after discussing it with Harper. Before Elle’s forced smile and her gracious reply of “I’d like that,” he’d always thought he had caught a flicker of dismay, of hurt, on her features.

Now he’s certain it was more than a flicker.

I don’t deserve her, he thought.

With a swoosh, the doors of the diagnostics office open. He sees the familiar head of immaculately coiffed blonde locks, and as his eyes travel down to Elle’s beautiful face, his heart soars, and he can’t help but break into a wide smile.

“Elle!” he says happily, pushing himself up of the desk.

I missed you, he foolishly finds himself wanting to say, despite the fact that like most days at work, it’s only been a few hours since he’s seen her. But as his eyes travel to Tobias following her in, he keeps the admission to himself.

“We have an answer,” says Elle triumphantly. “We’ve listed Jake for an ICD insertion tomorrow morning.”

“It was CPVT?” Ethan asks.

“Yep,” says Tobias. “Elle’s hunch was right. Turns out it was an argument with his boyfriend that brought on the cardiac arrest. We ran a test for CPVT as soon as we got back, while you were still in the meeting, and it’s positive.”

Elle smiles brightly.

“Jake’s going to be okay.”

Ethan beams. He’s exceptionally proud of her.

“Excellent work Elle,” he leans forward to squeeze her arm, as bold a gesture as he dares while they have company. “And thanks Tobias, for helping out.”

“The pleasure’s all mine,” says Tobias. He looks pointedly at Elle, then adds, “believe me.”

An unpleasant sensation coils in the pit of Ethan’s stomach. He tries to push it down.

As Tobias crosses the room to take a phone call, he steps closer to Elle, lowering his voice.

“Listen Elle, about earlier. I’m sorry,” he says sincerely, tentatively taking her hand in his own. He caresses her tiny fingers with his thumb. “It’s unacceptable for me to talk over you in meetings, and I…know that this isn’t the first time it’s happened, and that there are, uh, other things. I’m sorry if my actions have ever made you feel excluded.”

Elle’s bright green eyes look into his thoughtfully, though she says nothing; silently willing him to continue.

“I’d like to make it up to you. I think a date night between us is long overdue. Can I take you for dinner tonight?” he asks. A flash of hope, along with the tinge of dismay he remembers from before, travels across her face. “Not Gaston’s,” he adds quickly. “I want to find somewhere new with you. For us.”

Her face floods with warmth, eyes gazing into his searchingly. He desperately scans her beautiful face, seeking some inkling of her true feelings; the ones he knows she’s bottling up.

“You’re right, it is long overdue,” she says finally, her gaze steady. “And I’d really like that, to find somewhere new to go to dinner with you. But I can’t do tonight.”

His heart sinks a little, and as if sensing this, like she always seems to, she squeezes his hand reassuringly.

“I’m out for drinks with Si, Aurora and Jackie tonight. But we’ll go soon.”

She offers him a soft smile, which he returns.

It doesn’t quite quell the slight but unmistakable feeling of anxiety in his stomach. It’s guilt, it’s the gnawing thought that he will never be good enough for her, the idea that he’s taken her for granted.

Worst of all, there is the completely irrational, but terrible notion that he could lose her.

And somehow, the thought that he could lose her in living rather than in death, as he had once feared, is almost more terrible.

She gently lets go of his hand. On the other side of the room, Tobias hangs up the phone.

“I’m going to go and speak to Jake’s parents,” says Elle, slipping off and readjusting her white coat.

Ethan’s eyes travel over her form-fitting pencil skirt, clinging to her delicate body in all the right places.

He doesn’t miss the way Tobias’ do the same. Then, as if knowing he’s being watched, he looks up at Ethan. His eyes narrow, and the corners of his lips twitch.

Ethan wants nothing more than to sock him in the jaw.

“We’ll check in later, once Harper’s finished surgery?” she asks, breaking the two men out of their reverie.

Ethan nods, and Elle bids them goodbye. The click of her heels on the linoleum echoes into the tense silence. Then, he can’t hold it in any longer.

“Could you be,” Ethan begins through gritted teeth, “a little more fucking subtle, Carrick?”

Tobias chuckles.

“I can’t help it, Ethan, and clearly neither can you. A woman like that, body like that…we’re just as powerless as any other red-blooded male.”

Ethan curls his fists in the pockets of his coat.

“Don’t talk about Elle like that. I won’t have you disrespecting her in that way,” he spits, taking a step towards him.

“You want to talk about disrespecting her?” counters Tobias, unflinching. “Because I think taking a stroll down memory lane with your ex, every five minutes, is pretty disrespectful to the woman you’re currently fucking.”

Ethan is stunned. Had she told Tobias that it had happened before? Did she tell him they were seeing eachother, or had Tobias clocked it himself? What exactly had they talked about while they were away?

“Elle is- she’s off limits,” he snaps, the only response his seething mind is able to come up with.

Tobias smiles, satisfied at seeing the other man riled up. Then, infuriatingly, he turns away.

“Who decided that, Ethan?” he says quietly over his shoulder “Her or you?”

And with that, Tobias turns and leaves.

*******

Author’s Note: Thanks for reading this far! I wanted to explore the dynamic between Elle and Tobias, and the way I wrote him in this fic reflects my own thoughts about him; I think he’s a good guy, as demonstrated by him helping to save her life and his thoughtfulness, but I’m definitely suspicious of his ulterior motives and his past actions. I also wanted the sexual tension between Ethan, Elle and Tobias, and was hoping that PB would make Tobias call out Ethan shutting her out of meetings. They didn’t deliver so I did it myself lol Also wanted Ethan to start feeling insecure about the way he’s been treating Elle since his behaviour has been trash thanks to the OOC writing, but I still love him

#ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #tobias carrick #ethan ramsey #tobias carrick x mc #open heart #choices open heart #open heart 3

[ciggylungz]

Music to my ears

Music to my ears- 1.7k

Blurb night: (Request: What abt like something in the studio? Like studio sex 🥵 your header inspired me lol)

 ------

Y/n always loved when Harry brought her to the studio with him, seeing her man all in his grove and in his element made her happy. She couldn’t deny how sexy he looked when he was strumming on the guitar or sitting with a clenched jaw, drumming his fingers while tweaking some lyrics to make it perfect.

Harry was all smiles when he heard the studio door open, his beautiful girlfriend making her way into the room holding some water bottles for him and the band, and some nice food- remembering to skip any item with dairy in it since it can clog up his throat with phlegm which wouldn’t be too good while trying to belt out another billboard hit.

“There she is! Hey darlin’” Harry craned his neck to peck her as she walked by, he was seated in a office chair going over some sheet music Mitch had written that belonged to the instrumental section of one of his works in progress and Y/n gave him a good once over decided he looked especially hot in his black slacks and wrinkled rolling stones shirt. “I brought treats! The BLT for Mitch, Cesar salad hold the crotons for Sara with a side of soup, two blueberry muffins and a black tea for Jeff and a sparkling lemon water with a vegan chicken noodle soup for my Harry- with of course- the breads you requested with it my dear.”

Y/n handed out the goodies to the group of artists, giving Harry his food with a kiss on his cheek perching herself on the table in front of him to snag a few bites of his food every so often as she talked with the group listing to some of the music they’d already got down dancing in her spot a little bit enjoying the behind the scenes of his upcoming album. “Sound’s good, I think you got another hit in the makin’ here baby. ‘m proud of yeh bub!” Y/n ran her fingers through Harry’s hair, the man giving her a content coo and grip on her thigh in return rubbing his thumb on the denim covered skin lovingly.

“Thank ya’, couldn’t do it without these guys or you my love. You guys make me great, would be nothin’ without ya’” his sweetness got a chorus of adored ‘awes’ which the slightly arrogant artist bathed in dramatically waving his hands and pretending to be bashful earning him some chuckles from everyone in the room.

 -------

It was nearing 10 in the evening when Mitch finally decided to call it a night, everyone else besides Harry and Y/n had left over the last few hours. Each trickling out with some yawns and good bidding's as they decided to make their way home but Harry was focused on his music, and Y/n knew once he was this much in a grove, he wasn’t going to pack up till he felt it was time. in the meantime Y/n was sprawled out on one of the couches in the room, her left hand absentmindedly running over the suede pushing the material back and fourth in a satisfying pattern while scrolling through her phone texting a few friends and replying to some emails in between playing random games on the device.

Harry was deep into his work, tongue tucked between his teeth while his knee bounced slightly to the melody playing in his head. He was currently trying to put the finishing touches on medicine , a rather proactive song that he was still on the fence about releasing or keeping a concert special. His inspiration behind it was his journey through sexuality, romance and the fast pace lust that he’s experienced as a star during his formative years. Of course his Y/n was a big inspiration on that track, their sexual endeavors prominent in his mind while coming up with the lyrics.

His mind was filled with photographic memories of the times they did various naughty things. The foursome in brazil where they both explored bisexuality, having Harry, Y/n and then another couple join them, the hand full of times they’d had sex in public. In his car, in an alley, in bathroom at the VMA’s. on the roof, in a pool, and even the once Y/n went down on him in his mothers back garden while she ran to the shop.  He thought of the sloppy kisses, the spitting, cum eating, rim jobs and pussy eating. It was all so dirty and god he knew this song would drive people mad. So being the cheeky bastard he is, he made two final decisions about the piece of work right then and there.

1-      It would be an exclusive concert song

2-      He wanted to have some special audio in it

 Harry knew the idea was daring, likely to turn heads and cause mothers of concert goers to place a hand over their heart with a raised eyebrow but this was his music and he never had an issue with controversial art.

The man then looked to his side, seeing his love in her natural state. Relaxed, lips slightly pursed with her eyelashes batting every few seconds as she focused on the screen. Somehow even when she was lying in a lazy position, hair in a messy bun with a small stain from her tea on the bottom of her shirt, she still looked insanely beautiful.

“Love?” y/n shifted her eyes towards her boyfriend when she heard the pet name, turning onto her side to give him her full attention. “What’s up, H?” she rested her chin on her fist, blowing a few stray hairs out of her eyes. “How would you feel about helpin’ me out with this song?”

Harry gave her a bit of a suggestive taunt of his brows, the girl tilting her head slightly. “Sure, what do yeh have in mind, bub?” Y/n was quick to her feet walking towards him to peer down at the notebook full of lyrics, yet her attention was soon focused on the sensation of being tugged into his lap and the feeling of a rather firm lump pressing into her bum. Her head turned to look at her now smirking boyfriend, pursing her lips slightly in question. “Well, the songs a bit alt to what I usually write…going to keep it off the album make it exclusive but I think I want some background audio of us…making love princess.”

To be clear, Y/n wasn’t a prude. She wasn’t shy about her sexuality, she actually felt very empowered by how confident she was about her sex life and Harry found it exceptionally sexy to be with a woman who was open and not shy at all about trying new things, and this was definitely a new one for her to consider.

He gave her a moment to mull it over, seeing her head sway slightly while she weighed the offer before she gave a shrug and a nod to her boyfriend. “Sure, why not? Gonna be music layered on it right? So it’s not full blown balls smacking into ass?” her question made the man snort, nodding his head. “Yup, gonna layer the instrumental over it. Hoping to isolate the vocals of the moaning to mesh into the music then my singing. I think it could sound fuckin’ excellent and well I get to fuck yeh, so I think it’s a win win hmm?” his hands migrated to her tits, giving them a firm squeeze as his lips pressed into the back of her neck. His touches achieved his goal of sending a shiver through his girl, her spine tingling and hips starting to squirm as he sponged open mouth kisses from the nape of her neck to each shoulder.

“Yea…yea lets do it.” Her words were breathier, his touch putting her under his spell instantly. Lust hung in the air while he kept his grip on her his free hand used to turn on the mic in the sound booth before starting the recording and pushing them both in the padded room.

“god, you’re a doll lettin’ me fuck yeh for my track. I love you so much baby..” his words were as rushed as his frantic hands tugging their clothes off. Hers were prying the buttons of his trousers undone while he ridded her of her bra and started on her pants their mouths crashing together in a sloppy, needy dirty kiss. One that left the lower half of their faces shiny and their teeth slightly clenched from knocking them together in the heat of their movements.

“I love you more, jesus Haz, please hurry up need you in me.” Y/n worked on shoving her panties to the side, Harry hoisting her leg up to have her angled just right to sink his cock into. These were the moments he praised whoever invented birth control, nothing beats getting to spontaneously fuck his girl without having to worry about finding a condom.

Gasps, moans and whines filled the booth. The pleasured noises bouncing off the foam glued to the walls, the insulation amplifying their noises as Harry pounded himself inside Y/n relentlessly, his cock forcibly spreading her inner walls stimulating the deepest parts of her making her pour out a river of beautiful moans he couldn’t wait to mesh into the song. He did little to contain his own groans, deciding if they were prominent in the recording he’d match them with the bass so the deep tones complimented each other.

“ ‘m gonna cum”  

The string of words every guy loves to hear from the woman they are pleasuring, it boosts their ego and gives them an extra shot of stamina to push her over the edge satisfying her fully before he lets himself go.

When the tightening of her cunt gripped onto his cock, sucking him in further happened the best moans of the session were let out. Harmonious perfectly pitched moans spilling from her mouth, his joining hers in a duet soon after as his balls gave everything they had inside of her. the pair were a sticky mess, but it didn’t matter to them they both were still in the orgasmic haze complimented with the rush of voyeurism.

“Jesus baby, I think we just secured a grammy.”

#harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry styles blurb #harry styles concept #harry styles x yn #harry styles x reader #harry styles au #harry styles request #harry styles

[wehatejulietsimms]

A/N: i'm gonna respond to this in sections bc it's quite long so bare with me.

Howdy y’all, 🤠 again. Yes, I didn’t in fact die. I’m sorry though that I kept getting sidetracked and couldn’t submit this until now, my boss decided to keep dumping her work into my lap. So I just wanna preface this by stating that I’m going to try and say what I want to as coherent as possible, but I have pretty severe ADHD so I’m not always as easy to understand as I think I am in my head, and I often go off on tangents, over explain things and circle back to topics randomly without realizing. Im basically going to go over their relationship over the years as I said previously (I’m not gonna go into detail about every single scandal and shitty thing Juliet did over the years, because we’d be here all year. so I figure I won’t cover them here, but rather let people ask specific questions if they want to. Remember, I was present for pretty much everything so feel free to ask.😊), but I’m also going to do kind of a mini deep dive into Andy’s behavior and actions (because although the snakes will hit you with every excuse in the book, and tell you that you’re looking too far into things and that it doesn’t matter, it does. The way a person acts in general and towards people around them is very relevant when talking about someone’s health, happiness, and well-being.) To start off, let’s take it all the way back to the time before Juliet’s reign of terror, when Andy and Scout were still together. In all honesty from what I saw of them together (and I saw pretty much everything they posted, I’m only a year younger than Andy, and I was quite into him when he was on MySpace and such, and I always watched anything with him and Scout together because they were fucking adorable lol) they had a really healthy relationship. Not once did I get weird vibes from them. The way Andy acted toward and with Scout, you could tell they really loved each other and were happy together. They had nothing to prove. It just was normal. (For any of you who are younger, or didn’t come into the picture until Andy was already post-scout and would like to see some videos of them together, you could generally search on YouTube for it, but also there’s a specific channel on there called like bring the milk tea or something that has videos of old Andy blogs and also Andy and scout on stickam and such. Worth a look if you’re curious) They weren’t constantly all over each other like possessive pack dogs *ahem Juliet ahem* and whenever Andy mentioned scout he didn’t need to shower her in compliments. They both seemed very secure in both themselves and the relationship. Super cute. Initially when they broke up it seemed quite odd. I didn’t really expect it. It got even weirder when he states that he and Juliet are together. It didn’t feel like they fit together at all (and no I’m not talking about from a fame or success perspective. At least not yet lol) As I’ve said I got bad vibes from Juliet right from the get go. Andy already seemed to be acting not like himself. (Also snakeys have argued that it’s just that he’s more mature now and that’s why he acts nervous and constantly looks Ike he wants to die. 🙄 maturity doesn’t mean losing your fucking personality and being unhappy most of the time. Jesus Christ.) it seemed like they got possessive of each other and constantly needed to show people how in love they were. Pictures, videos, and fucking public love paragraphs to show they are, in fact, in a super real relationship and they love each other. It also felt like Andy’s family was in on this whole weird charade.They (Chris honestly) started to defend her degenerate behavior and attack anyone who had even a whisper of negative things to say about her or their relationship. It was like watching a group of awkward, pretty mediocre actors put on a play about them being together. (I’ve hit the text limit now, but there will be more that I will write just after I submit this one though, fear not haha. N, you can either post this now or wait until I submit the rest, it’s up to you.) 1 / ? -🤠

A/N: i was here for a lot of it as well so i do remember some of this. although i did join the fandom shortly after him and juliet got together (i joined like around the time she was on the voice) i literally remember hoping that him and scout would get back together bc juliet just rubbed me the wrong way and i didn't know why at the time. & side note i actually do recommend people go look at old videos of andy and scout they were really adorable. there is this one video of them singing (i think a carrie underwood song lol) in the car and it's really cute. but yeah just bc he's older doesn't mean his whole entire personality changes. you can be any age and act however you want. i could even use jenna marbles & julien solomita (a youtube couple) as an example, they've been together for i think like 8 or 9 years and are about the same age as A&J (julien being around andy's age & jenna around juliet's age) & although they can have mature adult conversations and all of that, they still act like idiots and joke around together. neither of them look uncomfortable or are afraid of saying certain things like andy is around juliet. so andy aging doesn't mean shit in regards to his personality doing a 180.

🤠okay, so part two here we go. (Also I apologize if I get the chronological order of anything I talk about incorrect, I’m a bit scattered sometimes and the next ask I make will be the one where I talk about the domestic abuse and I tend to get quite heated, which only makes my brain function worse lol) so the point at which Andy was trying to get fans to go vote for/ support Juliet when she was on the voice seemed really fishy. I’m all for supporting the work of the people you love, but it’s kinda strange how hard Andy was pushing this at the time. Too hard in my opinion. I’m obviously aware that it was helpful in the end and he more or less got what he was asking for. But it was like he absolutely needed people to vote for her. As if he would get in trouble if they didn’t. So around 2012 or 2013 it felt like things really went down the shitter from there and just got progressively worse. (I never knew why for the longest time, but after they revealed that Vegas wedding that happened in about that time frame, it made a lot of sense.) Andy’s behavior began to change towards his fans. There are a lot of accounts of this happening from fans themselves and a lot of people said that 1. It was worse with Juliet around, and 2. a lot of the time it would happen towards females especially. ( I think more towards the “pretty” fans but don’t count me on that, I don’t know for sure.) This was completely night and day. Especially coming from the same man who used to always defend his fans and once stated something along the lines of he would never have a crazy or awkward fan story because he loves and is grateful for all of his fans and he won’t get upset if they’re just really excited. I would understand if these fans crossed the line in some way (like the later incident of fans finding his address and harassing them, which is unacceptable no matter who the people are) but from most if not all of the fan stories I’ve heard, they didn’t. They were being respectful and didn’t do anything to warrant this happening to them besides showing up. Which brings me to my next point, a lot of these negative experiences were caused by Juliet. Either she was the one being mean to people, she was causing Andy to be mean to people on her behalf, or her presence was upsetting Andy to the point that he was angry and started being rude and irritable. What scares me the most are the accounts of Andy having a whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, depending on weather or not Juliet was present. Happy when he’s free of her and miserable when he isn’t. In videos of him where Juliet is behind the camera he always seems nervous and strange. Like he’s afraid to mess up. That’s fucking alarming to say the least. You would think that the last thing one would want to do if another person brings them this much anger, stress, and anxiety, the LAST thing they would want to do is fucking marry them. Right? He literally started barely smiling at one point and really doesn’t anymore. I mean for Christ’s sake look at his wedding photos. What’s suppose to be one of the happiest moments of your life and to quote another anon with a different ask, he looks like he’s being dragged to the gallows. (And I get really fucking Angry honestly when snakeys tries to pass it off as “oh he’s awkward he doesn’t know how to smile” or “omg he’s being dramatic for the aesthetics” in some pictures, yes. But why the fuck would you look like that in pictures with the “love of your life” who you now regularly write cringy paragraphs publicly professing your love and complete adoration for? Andy knows how to smile genuinely. Ffs he used to. He smiled genuinely when he was a kid, he smiled genuinely with scout, and he smiled genuinely when Juliet wasn’t around. He doesn’t smile when she is there, and if he does, it is pretty much always visibly fake.) So I may backtrack a little later, but right now I want to talk about the fact that Juliet IS an abuser. More specifically, the plane incident. (Word limit. TBC.) 2 / ? -🤠

A/N: yes. 100%. when it comes to the wedding photos i will never understand people (specifically snakeys) writing off his behavior as him "just being dramatic for the aesthetics". is that something he would do in photoshoots? yeah. is it something he may do on stage? sure. something he would do in an interview? maybe. but candid shots of him on one of the "happiest days of his life"? wtf no. & idk why people think that.

🤠 Just before I start, again, with the pictures, I really don’t think that Andy is enough of a self absorbed egotistical dick that he would actually sit there and put on the whole “miserable tough guy” act in every fucking photo he takes. Ah yes, the infamous plane incident. So straight up, Juliet exposed herself as an abuser, and brought out every bullshit excuse in the book (and made Andy go along with them) to try to cover it up. 1. She was drunk. Honestly this is total bullshit. I say this same thing when people defend cheating or any other degenerate behavior with the excuse of intoxication and I will say it now. Being drunk does not make you a different fucking person. It does not change the thoughts in your head. What it does do is impair your ability to make decisions and judgement skills in general. It’s the same reason why people drive drunk. It’s routine. Its what they would normally do. And because they’re drunk, they can’t see any reason why they shouldn’t do that. Juliet gets drunk, she and Andy fight, she wants to hit him, and because she’s drunk she doesn’t think that she shouldn’t fucking put her hands on him. 2. She hit him in “self defense” and he broke her ribs.(There’s several points I have debunking this) first of all let’s get this out of the way, no one on that plane (including the very real witness who just so happened to be an adult film actress (I think?) who you so love to discount because of it) saw him strike her or even touch her at any time. Two, you are in fucking airplane seats sitting right the fuck next to each other with an armrest in between. It would be pretty fucking hard to break your ribs unless they were made of actual glass, or Andy’s real name is Bruce fucking banner. Bones are surprisingly strong and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’d be damn near impossible for him to do that to you, which brings me to three, if he had broken your ribs you would not be fucking standing up, thrashing around, whining like a little bitch, and oh by the way, continuing to abuse your husband for the second time on that flight. Four, you had a miscarriage. (When I was trying to conceive with my husband it was very difficult. I had two miscarriages before I finally had my son. I’m fully aware of how devastating having one is.) which is why if you are not lying (which I fully believe that Juliet would stoop that low just to get sympathy, especially with this big of a scandal. But I don’t actually have proof of this so I will say that it is just speculation on my part) I don’t fucking care. I am not unsympathetic to her if this did actually happen as I said, however, You do not get to make any excuse for putting your hands on another person out of anger. Ever. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what kind of stress you are under, I don’t care if you are inebriated in any way and I sure as hell don’t care what the fuck you have between your legs. You do not hurt anyone. Point blank period. Five. You are a woman, you can’t hurt him. This one, actually enrages me. We all know your crusty ass pulled this one out (and threw around trump supporters a few times for good measure) because you know damn well how society and the media views and deals with abusive women. Women can abuse. Women who are shorter or weaker than their target can abuse. The fact that there are people who either don’t know that or don’t agree with that is absolutely baffling. Six. The same (I believe) porn actress. Literally saw you beating your own face with the restraints you had to be put in (which by the way flight attendants only ever use restraints as an absolute last resort when someone becomes a danger to the others on board, so she had to be acting absolutely deranged) to give yourself a bloody nose to claim Andy hit you. Then you proceed to act like a child and tell Andy to call your fucking dad. (Which kinda proves that whole Scientology thing honestly) what in the hell. I stg as long as I am breathing I will never let this go. This is actual fucking domestic abuse. (Word limit TBC.) 3 / ? -🤠

A/N: yeah her hitting him "bc she was drunk" was never a good excuse not only for the reasons you mentioned but, also bc let's be real at no point are you ever going to get served enough alcohol on a plane to make you that drunk i don't care what anyone says. also when it comes to the excuse of him "breaking her ribs" does she forget that andy actually did break his ribs a while ago? i think she even visited him when he was recovering so she should know what kind of pain he was in. & if he actually broke her ribs, there's no way she would have even been able to stand bc i know andy sure wasn't able to. he said it was one of the most painful things he's experienced. (i don't think i need to comment on the rest of this. it would just be redundant. you hit the nail on the head with that.)

🤠 I don’t care if it happened just that one time ore more likely is an everyday occurrence. Abuse is abuse and should never be tolerated. Kind of getting away from the plane thing. Andy always seems, as it’s been said on here before, afraid to mess up. Like he might mess up, and make her mad. A common behavioral pattern in abuse victims. He also at this point and for a decent amount of time before, doesn’t seem like he loves her anymore. Like he keeps up appearances and pretends, but it’s like it’s a job he’s forced to do. He’s tired and burnt out but was probably manipulated into staying and juliet is probably clinging for dear life. Also I don’t know if I’m the only one who thinks this, but I swear, the veganism and sobering up was just a cover up, most likely formed by either Juliet herself or her fucked up family, after the plane incident to hide their tracks and regain some public favor (because you know, if you advocate for animal rights then you can’t abuse your husband 🙃) Andy never gave a shit before though. Even though it was unhealthy he loved to drink and smoke and was very outspoken about that. And he used to never give a fuck about eating meat or consuming animal products like leather. I mean they’re still selling leather goods ffs. I would get having minor fuck ups because you don’t know any better, but it’s fucking leather. And now Andy is unhealthy and miserable as ever, but the culprit is malnourishment and Juliet rather than cigs, alcohol, and Juliet. My final thoughts: I do definitely believe in the Scientology theory, but if not that than I definitely believe that Andy was and is being manipulated for his fame. On several occasions it really looked like they broke up, including the time when they did, and then said it was a joke. It really doesn’t feel normal. Also, Juliet doesn’t really care about Andy that much. She never wears her wedding ring, she sells all their shit, including sentimental items, and now that she’s gained more popularity from being with him, suddenly doesn’t want to put him in her bio or write him the same creepy ass paragraphs or anything. It’s fucked up how shes so keen to say she did it all herself when really she’s been riding dick for fame since before she even met Andy. It also always kinda seemed to me that Amy was kind of uncomfortable around Juliet. We all know that Chris loves to kiss her ass night and day (most likely to do with the Scientology thing “if” it’s true), but Juliet and Amy always seemed to have a weird relationship like it was tense and forced. Also I just want to mention the time that Juliet talked about screaming at the woman over what I believe was a game night and brushed it off as being competitive and no one gave damn. Fucked up. To finish off this already way too long little series, I think Andy is a very vulnerable insecure person who got manipulated by several people (not just Juliet) some of whom he probably really trusted, and they helped to get him in Juliet’s (equally if not more insecure) hands so she could hurt him as she pleases. I truly hope that even now both he, and his parents (even though Chris really grinds my gears) can get out of this whole shit show, relatively unscathed. I know this is probably pretty unlikely, but hope springs eternal I guess. As I said feel free to ask any questions you may have and I will try to answer them best I can. Thank you for reading. 4 / 4 -🤠

A/N: yet again you hit the nail on the head with this part so i don't need to comment too much. other than the fact that i do agree that juliet and amy's relationship does seem weird.

#submission #anonymous

[the-hopeless-haze]

Someone You Have to Let In (Being Alive Chapter 7)

A/N: this is another long one - like 5-6k words? IDK! Someone needs to stop me lol. This chapter gave me so much grief so I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, suspect gets handsy; par for the course for SVU episode

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Rafael walks up the stairs to the precinct, his pulse racing and his heart pounding in his ears. Even his stomach feels queasy, and he can’t remember the last time he was ever this anxious. Olivia called him at one in the morning, saying she needed him there to talk about where they could get with this case. She never mentioned you - and he knew you were set up to be the thirst trap. Why wouldn’t she say anything about how you were? All he can think is the worst, and of course, she wouldn’t say anything to him. She may have suspected something was going on between the two of you, but she was never going to push his buttons and call him out on it over the phone. But that also meant that if you were hurt... he’d be the last to know. You hadn’t called him on your own, either, so something must have happened.

And sure enough, when he gets to the bullpen you’re at your desk, alone, huddled in a shock blanket, staring listlessly at the walls. Your makeup is done up like a working girl’s, all heavy dark eyeshadow and red lipstick, and he can see peeks of a tight sequined black dress underneath the blanket and torn fishnets on your legs. Eventually, your gaze meets his and you furrow your brow in confusion as he walks quicker toward you.

“What’s the matter with you?” you ask.

“What's the matter with me? (Y/n), what the hell? Why didn’t you call me?” he asks frantically. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Rafael,” you say as he kneels down in front of you. “Be quiet. They’re going to hear you and Sonny’s gonna be back any minute.“

“You think I care about that? What the hell happened?”

“Nothing! I’m fine. Olivia just didn’t want me in the room with him. It’s okay,” you mutter, shrugging. “I’m only wearing the blanket because I’m cold. Nothing happened to me.”

Rafael walks over to you and kneels down in front of you, peeling the blanket off to reveal fresh bruises and scratches, the imprints of another man’s fingertips and nails brandishing the skin of your shoulders. “Nothing happened to you? Bullshit. What’s all over your arms, cariño?”

“He got handsy. What did you think was going to happen? But do you honestly think Olivia would let anything worse than that happen to me? I’m okay,” you say defensively as tears build up in your eyes.

“You don't look okay! Why are you crying, then? (Y/n)--"

“Why are you yelling at me?” you cut him off, your voice straining as you wipe under your eyes with the back of your hands, black streaks of eyeliner smudging onto them. “Jesus Christ. You’re making me feel like I'm the one you're prosecuting. Go do your job. Don’t worry about me.”

But he did worry, now, because you had somehow figured out how to weasel into his life even though the No Vacancy sign was flashing. And it doesn’t even feel like a choice, it feels more like he owes it to you, and he’s honestly not sure how much he likes that. Still, though, he presses his lips to yours and takes off his suit jacket, draping it around your shoulders, giving you something of him to comfort you and put over the wounds someone else caused you. And isn’t that all love is? A healing balm for the pain we’ve been caused?

Rafael swallows thickly. He can’t be bothered to think of that now. He cares about you, but he doesn’t love you. Right?

Okay then.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Stop crying,” he says, trying to level his voice.

You laugh a little, a few tears still rolling down your cheeks. “Wow. You could teach a class on comfort. Stop crying? Who knew that was all anyone had to say?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do,” he whispers, reaching down and squeezing your hands.

“Hey. You got me to laugh. And anyway... It’s okay. I told you I’m fine.”

You don’t say anything else, and Rafael really doesn’t know what else to do, so he just kisses you, one of his hands leaving yours to smooth down your hair.

“I’m okay,” you whisper against his lips as you pull away. “You weren’t called here because of me. Go do your job.”

“(Y/n)—“

But he’s cut off from continuing because he hears the bullpen office door open and he glances up at you. “I told you Sonny was gonna be back,” you whisper, and your eyes are urging him to go but it’s too late. You’re still wearing his suit jacket and Rafael has your lipstick on his mouth. The unspoken “secret” is going to be spoken now, and fuck it, maybe it’s about time.

“Hey, (y/n), they didn’t have that tea you wanted so I got you a hot chocolate and... oh. I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” he says as he walks in, standing in front of your desk with a tray of hot drinks and a bag of pastries.

“No,” you say. “Rafael was just gonna go see what Liv needed.”

“I know that, but I mean...” His blue eyes dart between you and Rafael knowingly and he grins. “Guess you weren’t lying about the boyfriend just so I’d stop trying to set you up with my Fordham buddies.”

“No,” you say, winking at Rafael. “I deserve better than that, anyway. I like ‘em Harvard Law educated.”

Even Rafael has to laugh at that, especially when Carisi rolls his eyes as he puts the food down on his desk. “You got her dogging Fordham now, Barba? She used to be such a nice girl, too.”

“Mm. Rafael made me mean just like him,” you giggle, clearly having too much fun with this. “He’s an awful influence.”

“Well, damn. I guess Amanda was right. I mean, we all kinda figured, but... Amanda would’ve bet her whole life savings that something was going on. Well, good for you guys. You want me to keep my mouth shut, too, or...?”

“Can we trust you to?” you ask.

“Won’t even tell Sarge. Promise.”

“Mm. No. It’s okay, (y/n),” Rafael interjects was he glances at you. “I think it’s time we give up the charade, don’t you?”

“I’ve only been saying that for a good two months,” you tease, but you lean over and press your lips to the side of his mouth. Was this how you were going to be, now that you could show affection in front of them? Maybe this is part of why he wanted it under wraps; he didn’t want the squad to see just how much he had let you into his life. He has a reputation to uphold, and a lot of it was built on the fact that he came off as stoic, stern, and standoffish. And yet, with a simple touch, you destroyed that illusion and made it seem like the front that it was.

“Olivia’s going to be wondering where you are. I’m fine. Go,” you tell him, and he nods, squeezing your hand again before getting up and heading down the hallway to meet her.

The case seemed simple enough, although he needs a positive ID from the rape victims and the suspect wasn’t budging. He kept telling Amanda that you wanted it, and it’s all Rafael can do to not break through the glass and choke him out. And it’s not that Rafael was jealous, because he wasn’t. As long as you wanted him more than others, that was all that mattered, and he knows you’d never want this son of a bitch in a million years. But he’d never quite had the sympathy for upset significant others in these situations until now. Listening to this asshole talk in hypotheticals about what he’d do to you? Thank god you weren’t subjected to listen to this.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Olivia says. “But thank you for coming. I wanted to know what you thought when we brought him in.”

“It’s fine, Liv,” he says. “I don’t sleep anyway. Besides, it’s always good to get ahead. Is (y/n) set to testify? She’s going to need to, considering she was bait and...I know that can be difficult for her. I just want this airtight.”

“She’s just a little shaken right now. Did you talk to her when you came in?”

“Yes. You know what happened to her, though, when she was younger, don’t you? I just don’t think it’s fair to have her be the one who draws the suspects out like that, considering..."

Olivia’s eyes widen and she touches his shoulder, forcing him to look at her worried facial expression. “Did she say something to you? I know she can push herself too far sometimes, but I wouldn’t have allowed this if I thought she wasn’t able to handle it.”

“No. I think she can handle it. I just don’t think she should have to.”

Her hand squeezes his shoulder gently before letting go, and she gives him a tight smile. "I know. It's really sweet that you care so much, though, Rafael. I guess you really do have a soft spot for her, hm?"

"Oh Jesus Christ, Olivia. Just say that you know I've been seeing her outside of work,” he sighs exasperatedly.

Olivia laughs, her brown eyes gleaming. "I was wondering if you were ever going to tell me. Carisi catch you?"

"Maybe."

"So how long? Amanda thinks six months, but I wasn't sure."

Rafael snickers. "You need to keep her on a leash. But no. She's right. It's been about six months."

"Well, good for you, Rafael."

“So what happens now?”

“You take her home.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? Why would I be upset? I think you two are good for each other. You keep her grounded, she keeps you young.”

Rafael scoffs. “Nice armchair psychoanalysis.”

“Is that why you tried to keep it hidden, though? You thought I was going to be upset?”

“I don’t know. I’m a lot older—“

“Not my concern. If she's okay with it, who am I to intervene? She’s not someone I ever pictured you with, but... like I said. You’re good for each other, and I trust you to keep things in line. You have so far.”

“Maybe not, if everyone figured it out."

"Well, you may be careful to a fault, Rafael, but subtlety is not your strong suit."

"Do I want to know what that refers to?"

"Probably not," she says, her brown eyes teasing. "But I was sitting next to you at the bar a few weeks ago and that's when I knew without a shadow of a doubt."

It takes Rafael a minute to think back to what she might be thinking of - so what, he left abruptly? Amanda was the one who got you two in a cab together... and then he remembers his hands between your thighs and your hands between his, and he feels his face flush of its own accord. "I'm sorry--"

"Keep in mind that I have eyes, and this is fine with me, okay?" Olivia laughs. "You might have a tougher time with the D.A., though."

Rafael shrugs, willing his blush to cool down. "I'll deal with it when the time comes.”

Just then, Amanda and Nick come out from the interrogation room, and immediately Amanda’s saying, “Hey, what’s got Barba all flustered? (Y/n) in that dress too much for him?”

Rafael shoots Olivia a glare. “That leash? It needs to be about ten inches shorter.”

Olivia chuckles and looks at Amanda. “Cat’s out of the bag, Amanda. You were right. He just admitted it.”

“Son of a bitch,” Nick sighs. “I can’t believe I’m going to be out $100 for this shit.”

“You actually bet on us?” Rafael asks incredulously. “You two are unbelievable. I thought you weren’t supposed to gamble, Rollins?”

“It’s not gambling when you know you’ll win, is it?” Amanda grins. “Thanks for the $100, Barba.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he snarks.

“You charging him so we can get out of here?” Nick asks.

“Yeah. Attempted assault for now so we can book him,” Rafael says, nodding.

Rafael talks to the suspect’s lawyer and has a conversation that will give him a headache into tomorrow, but there isn’t much to be said when there’s footage of him grabbing you thanks to cameras set up outside the club. And for the first time, he gets to leave the precinct with you without staggering your departure times so the squad didn’t see you leave together. He's surprised at how nice it is, even if he could do without Amanda and Carisi's comments.

“I told you it wouldn’t be so bad if they knew. I honestly don’t think they care as much as you thought they were going to,” you say as you walk with him down the stairs, your hand in his. You’re still clad in his suit jacket, wearing it like it was yours now, even buttoning one of the buttons toward the top.

“Still. It’s not exactly appropriate that we’re seeing each other.”

“Yeah, I know. But thank you for coming around.”

Rafael doesn’t say anything, just hails a cab. You lean your head against his shoulder as you wait, your tousled hair brushing against his lips. “Are you sure you’re alright? I watched the footage and—“

“I’m fine, Rafael. Really. Bruises will heal.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You’re about to answer but a cab pulls over and you get in wordlessly, Rafael following. He thinks you’re about to continue, but you don’t, you stay silent.

“(Y/n)? Talk to me,” he says gently after a few moments.

You draw in a breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I’ll be alright, honey. I mean, I had to expect that would happen. This is what happens when you’re the youngest female detective on the squad... and... let’s just say I look forward to getting older.”

“They can’t force you to go undercover like that. I can talk to—“

“No. You’re not talking to anyone for me, tough guy,” you say, smiling softly. “It’s not like that. I offered. I hate doing it, but...whenever I do, I just think about how I’m going to get away practically unscathed because I have a whole team of detectives watching out for me. What about all those girls who don’t have that? I’m doing it for them, so we get these pieces of shit off the street. It’s just... what gets to you is them looking at you like another piece of meat. That’s what haunts me, that’s what’s going to keep me up at night... but I’m okay.”

“It doesn’t sound like it! Jesus Christ.”

“It was worse doing it for homicide in Boston, looking into eyes that envisioned you dead,” you say, and Rafael feels a shiver run up his spine. “Believe me. I’ve had worse nights.”

“I just don’t think you should be doing it at all, though, given what happened to you—“

“It’s part of the job. It’s not the same. I expected this,” you murmur, and you’re silent for the rest of the ride, and you’re silent as you walk up to the apartment with him, and you’re silent as you take your makeup off in his bathroom, sullen tears slipping from your eyes down your cheeks. Rafael stands in the doorway, feeling that pit in his stomach grow stronger.

“Cariño? Why are you crying? Did I push you too far? I’m sorry.” He walks in, coming to stand next to you.

“It’s... the rape. Sometimes I still feel like I’ll never get over it.”

“Oh, bebita,” he exhales, his heart breaking a little, you seeping in through the cracks. In his career, he dealt with many victims of horrible things, men and women of similar circumstances to yours. He never quite thought about what happened to them after he prosecuted their rapists, never thought of the havoc it could wreak even decades later, and now he feels terrible for it. Who was he to think his prosecution of their rapists did anything more than placate them momentarily? “Did I do something wrong? I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s not you. You’ve been so good,” you say, wiping your eyes with the tissue, a few leftover streaks of mascara bleeding onto it. “I don’t know. I was always told I’d never be a detective by my superiors in the academy, that I’d be stuck doing desk work because I was ‘too emotional’ or ‘too damaged’. I lasted a week in the Crimes Against Children Unit in Boston. A fucking week! The only reason I ever made it out onto the field was because the homicide lieutenant was desperate for staff. He would alternate between keeping the training wheels on and then taking them off, and it was just sickening. I never felt like a real detective. And here, I mean... Olivia’s like that too, kind of, but at least she only makes me step back when it is absolutely necessary. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have been a detective. It would’ve been nice to have one part of my life this didn’t touch.”

“Come here,” Rafael says quietly, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he lets you into his embrace, hugging you tightly into his chest. “You’re a great detective, and I’m not just saying that, (y/n). But you don’t have to do this to do your job. I don’t see Carisi wearing skintight dresses and I don’t see him with bruises up and down his arms, and he still gets paid the same as you.”

“Mm, Sonny in a skintight dress? That’d be something to see,” you giggle. “But I told you why I do this. It’s not just because I want to prove myself to the NYPD, it’s to protect those girls—“

“Okay. That’s admirable. But you’re paying for it now. And who’s protecting you?” You lift your head from his chest to look at him incredulously; as if he just figured out the world’s most complex math problem, and maybe he did just figure out one of your enigmas. “Let’s get you out of this dress, hmm?”

“I don’t want to have sex tonight,” you murmur. “Sorry—“

“That isn’t what I meant,” he says quietly. “Don’t apologize to me.”

“Oh?” you ask, your brow furrowing even more. “I thought—“

"No. Come on."

And it's quiet as he unzips your dress, as you slip one of his shirts over his head, as both of you brush your teeth before heading to bed. Rafael thinks you fell asleep as you're still silent for a few moments, staying stiff on your side of the bed, but you turn over and say, "Thank you, Rafi."

"For what?"

"For being so understanding. For being here, you know?" you say, pressing your lips to his. "I don't like to bring up my exes, but a lot of them just didn't get it and they just made me feel like I was never gonna be normal."

Rafael pulls you into his chest, kissing the top of your head. "You deserve so much better than that," he says, all too aware of how hollow that statement is. Of course you did. But was he really that much better? And did you love those exes? Was that all you were destined for, loving men who would never let you into their lives? You'd probably picked the most emotionally unavailable man on the block this time. But he wants to let you in, needs to, even if it terrifies him. He does care about you that much, and you had weaseled your way into most aspects of his life.

Still, though, there was a huge part of his life you hadn’t been introduced to: his Mami.

He has to let you meet her. You’ve been asking, maybe even practically begging, and he has to now. There’s a list of men and women he slept with that his mother never met, and maybe that’s a sin, maybe that’s what will send him to hell, because yes, maybe those rules about abstaining from sex before marriage are antiquated, but at least your mother should meet her, preferably before you bang her. He was too late for before, now, but you have to at some point.

The problem was that he hadn't mentioned you to his mother at all.

"Six months, Rafael Eduardo Barba, six months, you been taking this girl out on dates, you been buying her dinners, having her over your apartment, sleeping with her, and you don't have the decency to tell your mother? Ay, what is she like? Is she bonita? Is she inteligente? Oh, Rafa, is she Catholic?" His mother's phone tangent almost never ended. She wanted to know everything about you down to your social security number. Part of it was probably due to the fact that he hadn't introduced anyone to his mother in at least three years, maybe five, and she hated the last woman with a passion. God, Rafael barely remembered her name now, and he thinks Alex set him up with her.

He almost thought his mother passed out when he told her how old you were. But then, of course, she said it was a sign from God and that you were going to give her at least three grandchildren, preferably five. It was always one of Lucia Barba’s biggest regrets that she only had one child, having grown up with seven siblings, but Rafael always saw it as a blessing in disguise. His father didn’t need any more targets.

God, that phone call was hell. But he has to let you into his family life, so... it was going out to dinner with his mother on a Wednesday night.

“When am I going to meet your parents?” He asks you at dinner while you’re waiting for his mother to show up.

You smile. “We’ll see.”

“Not really fair.”

“My parents are miles away. Your mother is a cab ride away. It’s really not fair that I haven’t met her yet.”

“You use up all your vacation days to go see your brother. You could’ve taken me to meet them any of those times. You’ve gone at least three times since we’ve started dating.”

“Well. You’re always busy when I go.”

“I can ask for time off, (y/n),” he says, but that thought is left on hold as his mother walks in the restaurant, heading straight for their table. He smiles when he sees her, getting up and hugging her and kissing her cheek.

You get up too, scooting out of the booth behind Rafael. You shake her hand. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Barba. I’m (Y/n).”

“Si, it’s nice to meet you too, sweetheart. You can call me Lucia. So. How did you meet my boy?"

“Work,” you say, sliding back into the booth before Rafael. “He works with the squad I’m on.”

“Yes. Special victims unit. Tough job. You must be a tough woman,” she says, sympathetically. “Now...You’re a lot younger than my boy,” she says after a few minutes and Rafael almost slams the table and walks out. God, he loves his mother but this wasn’t what he wanted to talk about.

“What is it, 15 years, give or take?” you ask, turning to Rafael.

“Seventeen,” he murmurs, feeling sick. He’s never felt so old. There was his mother, who had him at seventeen years old. What the hell did she actually think about him being with you?

“Do your parents know how old he is?” Mami asks.

You nod, which surprises him. He didn’t know you’d had that conversation. “He hasn’t met them yet, though.”

“Ay, at least you have a good excuse. They live away. You know, I haven’t met anyone in a few years. Rafa’s been a priest. Or didn’t like them enough to bring them to me. You must be special.”

Thankfully, the waiter comes over, takes everyone’s order, and Rafael is able to rein the conversation in a little, talk about work, the weather, anything other than the topics his Mami was particularly drawn to. You ask about his abuelita, and his mother frowns.

“She doesn’t get out much these days. We’re worried about her health.”

“She should be in a nursing home,” Rafael says, pursing his lips. “She’s stubborn, though.”

“Let her have one more Thanksgiving and Christmas at home, Rafa,” Mami says. “We can talk about that next year.”

“I’d love to meet her,” you say. “Rafael talks highly of her.”

“Ay, she raised him the days I couldn’t. We both owe her so much,” she says, her eyes welling up. “When’s the next time you’re free during the day? Come with Rafa and me and being her groceries. She really never gets to meet Rafa’s girlfriends.”

“I’d love to,” you say, smiling brightly.

"You know, Rafa tells me you cook. You want some recipes?" She asks you. "I've always wanted to pass down abuelita's recipes, but Rafael can barely make rice, and he's never had a girlfriend who could cook either, far as I know."

"I'd love them, thank you! Rafael's always asking if I know how to make Cuban recipes, but I don't."

"Rafael eats too much takeout. I worry about his blood pressure," his mother says.

"That's what I tell him!" you say and Rafael rolls his eyes. Of course his mother would find something to gang up with you on against him. Traitor.

His mother gets a cab, and leaves you and Rafael alone on the street. “Do you think she likes me?”

Rafael laughs, hugging you. “Yes. She wouldn’t give recipes to just anyone, believe me. It’d be hard to dislike you, cariño.” He lets you go, taking your hand in his as you walk down the street toward your apartment a few blocks away.

“Really? Because you hated me when we first met.”

“No, I didn’t. Why are you saying that?”

“You sure didn’t seem like you liked me.”

“I did. I always did.”

“Even when I told you off?”

“Mm. What did you say to me? No woman wants anything to do with me?”

“I guess I might’ve been wrong?”

“You think? I got you to stick around.”

“Hey. It’s been six months. Don’t get cocky. Anyone can do six months.”

He doesn’t say anything, just squeezes your hand. He hadn’t put in over six months with anyone in well, about six years. So maybe not anyone could, but he'd let you in, and you were staying, weren’t you?

“I like her. I see where you got a lot of things from.”

“Really? Everyone used to say I look like my father.”

“I don’t mean you look like her, I mean you act like her.”

“Oh,” Rafael says, pondering on that for a moment. Maybe he could handle looking into his father’s face in the mirror if his mother’s values were truly behind it. “When do I meet your parents?”

“Christmas?”

“Why not Thanksgiving?”

“Too soon.”

“How is that fair? And it’s two months away.”

“Fine,” you grumble. “Thanksgiving. All they do when they’re in the same room is fight. I’m not really looking forward to you seeing that.”

Rafael laughs. “Looks like I won’t get in a word in edgewise. Perfect first impression: they won’t even notice me.”

You chuckle. “They care. They’re good parents. But they shouldn’t have had children together, that’s a certainty."

——

His mother calls him that night, a few moments after he gets back to his apartment. “Mami, what are you still doing up?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that girl?” she asks.

“What?”

“You heard me, Rafael. Don’t play stupid with me, not anymore.”

Rafael sighs. “I just didn’t. I’ve been meaning to.”

“You’re my son. I know when you lie to me. There’s a reason you kept her from me.”

“Mami, I’m 43,” he says heavily.

“I know how old you are, I was there the day you were born. You give me a good reason now, Rafael. Because I don’t understand it. She’s smart, she’s beautiful. She has a good job. I can tell she cares about you. Why did you think I wouldn’t like her?”

Rafael laughs, smiling against his phone. “I knew you’d like her. That’s why I haven’t mentioned her.”

“Ay, Rafael, you make no sense.”

“Yes. I’m aware.”

“So explain to your poor madre!”

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” he says softly.

“What? My hopes up for what?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he whispers.

“No. You say it, Rafael. Tell me so I don’t make any mistake.”

“I didn’t want you to get your hopes up in case I don’t end up marrying her!” The words hurt as they leave his mouth, turning around and stabbing him in the chest.

“But you did introduce me to her.”

And that’s where Rafael realizes his mistake.

“Do you want to marry this girl, Rafael?”

“I... I don’t know. You know how I feel about that—“

“Hmm. So you give me false hope anyway.”

“I care about her a lot, Mami.”

“But do you care about her enough?”

Well, that was the question, wasn’t it? He doesn’t know the answer. You two could never be perfect; could never be the ideal he had in his head because ideals weren’t real. Fairy tale romances didn't exist. So why try? Why get married, get tied down? Why not just keep a distance? You didn’t need to live with him, you didn’t need to take his last name, you didn’t need to have his children. You could just keep him company when he was lonely, and you could leave when he wasn't. And even now - you went back to sleep at your apartment because you had to wake up early the next morning to run with Amanda before work, and he had work to do tonight, and this way you didn't disturb him. It was just easier this way.

Right?

Maybe you didn’t want to get married at all, much less to an old man like him. You were still young, and you had years to settle down and figure things out.

Why was he hesitating? Men like him didn’t get women like you every day, and maybe that’s why men buy rings and ask for signatures on binding documents, he realizes with disgust. It’s why his father did it - his father was a decade older than his mother and he knocked her up and trapped her to a lifetime of suffering before she was legally able to vote or drink. Rafael didn’t want to be like that- you should feel free to leave him without worrying about divorce papers or the wrath of God.

Okay then.

If he could only have the good parts, it'd be fine. Waking up with you in the morning, your homecooked dinners that pull him away from his work just when he's getting fed up, the teasing that drives him up the wall but eases the tension in his shoulders... it's just, when you get upset and cry too much, when he's genuinely trying to work and you want to make out... and, oh, god, when you see him, when you just look at him and act like you know everything he's been through for the past four decades... It's too much. He doesn't want all of that.

Right?

Okay then.

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[celosiaa]

hi i just found your blog and I love it?? so much??? you're a super talented writer!! if you want prompts: i'm a sucker for Tim and Jon being friends (or ex-friends) in hurt/comfort scenarios (but if you prefer Martin that's fine too!!) so how would you feel about Tim asking Jon for a favor despite that he knows he hadn't been feeling well the previous night, and Jon agreeing because he's JON and making Tim regret even asking lol. if you don't like this, I can try again!!

I!! Loved!! This!! Prompt!!!!  Literally so honored to receive a prompt from you!  Hopefully this will do it justice. :) 

This is set at the very beginning of season 2, before Jon gets super paranoid.  Tim’s thoughts are formatted in italics.

“Closing tiiiime, one last call for alcohol, so finish up your whisky or beeeer!!”

Martin rolls his eyes at Tim where he’s draped himself across his desk, singing both passionately and tunelessly into an air microphone.

“Closing tiiiiime, you don’t have to go home but—”

“Tim, it’s only just quarter past noon!  I hate to tell you, but we’re a long way from closing time, mate,” Martin giggles, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

“Yeah, well, that just means it’s lunch time!  And it’s your big day!  So—where are we going?”

Martin’s grin falters ever so slightly.

“Er, well…actually, I don’t know if—”

“No no no, you do not get to back out of this one.  You’ve got to celebrate!  It’s not every day a man gets cleared for top surgery!” Tim replies fervently, sitting up properly on Martin’s desk.

Martin sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face.

“I know, and I really appreciate it Tim, it’s just…Jon asked me to look over some stuff, and I’m already behind because of my appointment this morning, and…you know how he can get.”

“…yeah.  Unfortunately.”

Tim glances over at Jon’s office door, which is fully shut with the blinds closed.  Truth be told, he’s been worried about Jon since he came back from leave.  The man had always been a little reclusive, a little awkward, but…this was something else entirely.  Nowadays, his door remains perpetually shut, intentionally closed off from the rest of the archival staff—and Tim doesn’t like it one bit.

He’s broken out of his reverie by Martin’s stomach growling.

“Ooh, sorry—”

Tim claps his hands together with a grin.

“Ha!  That settles it, then.  I’ll give him a distraction and he won’t even notice you’re behind,” Tim replies jovially.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.  It’s a good one, I’ve been saving it for a time of need.  Leave it to me.”

He gives Martin a wink as he stands, knowing that it will make him blush—and he’s delighted to be proven right, pink rising at once beneath his dusting of freckles.

Nothing if not predictable, Tim thinks with a fond grin.  As he passes by his desk, he grabs the file he’s been saving for the past few weeks and raps on Jon’s door.

No reply.

Tim’s brow furrows at this, concern beginning to rise.  He calls out and raps on the door again.

“Jon?  You okay?”

Still nothing.  He can’t hold down the anxiety rising in him now.

Something’s wrong.  Fuck.

“I’m coming in.”

He swings open the door, heart pounding, praying to whatever gods there may be that he’s not about to find Jon on the floor, covered in worms again.

The room is entirely Jon-less.

Sweet Jesus.

Tim takes a moment to breathe, allowing the panic to settle back in as he leans over, bracing his arms on his knees.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he fights back against the onslaught of memories—worms, blood, infection, pain, pain, pain—that flood incessantly through his mind.

He’s not here. 

He’s not here, and he’s fine.

You’re fine.

You’re fine.

Taking one last grounding breath, he stands to his full height, rubbing at his shoulder where the worms had dug into it as he exits the room.

Alright, you bastard, where’d you run off to?

He checks the break room next—not because he thinks Jon would be there, but because Sasha may know something he doesn’t.  As usual.  To his utter surprise, however, there stands Jon—leaning heavily against the countertop, fixing himself a cup of what looks to be more honey than tea.

Tim can’t help but laugh, causing Jon to jump at the unexpected noise.

“Ha!  Caught in the act!  Finally decided to take matters into your own hands, did you?  Martin will be so upset!” he booms, leaning casually against the door frame.

Jon’s only reply is to glare daggers at him over his shoulder, before turning back to his “tea” with a sniff.  Tim’s smile falls in confusion.

Odd.

Sweeping his gaze over Jon, he notices with rising alarm the way he’s braced against the countertop, his left leg shaking even as he leans onto his uninjured one.  Even more concerning is the presence of his cane, also resting against the counter within his arm’s reach—as Tim knows he doesn’t typically use it to walk short distances within the office.

Ooh, this is…not good.

He softens both his voice and posture carefully as he approaches.

“Jon?  You alright?”

Whipping his head back around, glare still in place, Jon sneers at him.

“I’m fine, Tim.  Leave off.”

Tim’s eyes go wide, and he steps back slightly, hands raised in consolation.

“Woah, boss.  Jesus.”

He remains frozen for a moment, unsure of how to proceed.  As he watches, pondering, Jon’s hand shakes so badly that tea sloshes over the rim of his mug, and Tim’s had enough.

“Jon, really.  You’re shaking.  Are you in pain?” he says lowly, crossing his fingers that this gentle tone won’t earn him a chewing-out.

Jon sighs and looks up, a gesture Tim recognizes as a plea for patience from whoever is listening.

“I said I’m fine, Tim.  Just leave it, please,” he says, his words carefully measured.

As Tim inhales to reply, Martin steps through the doorway, freezing for a moment when he sees Jon’s attempt at making tea.

“Oh!  Jon!  I was just about to make some.  Sorry I didn’t get it to you this morning, I had to—”

“I don’t need excuses, Martin.  And I can make my own tea.  Just get back to work,” he snaps viciously, never turning around to look at him.

The way Martin’s face falls at this sparks an anger in Tim that he hasn’t felt in a long while.

“Oh.  Um.  Right, sorry.  I’ll just—I’ll just go then.  Sorry,” he stammers as he hurries out of the room face beet red.

Oh, that’s it.

I’m going to kill him.

Jon at least has the graciousness to blush, regret pooling ever so slightly behind his eyes.

Tim throws his arms wide, glaring at him.

“You’re really going to snap at Martin, right in front of me, and not expect me to get angry?”

Sighing yet again, Jon does not reply, refuses to look at him.  Tim’s ire only grows, and his tone steadily ticks upward until it’s very nearly a shout.

“You know, if you paid attention to anything he’s told you, you’d know that he’s been trying to get an appointment with that top surgeon for nearly a year.  He’s been counting down the days on the office calendar for months, and he finally had it today, and you can’t even be bothered to remember?  To cut him any slack?  Are you joking?”

Jon meets his eyes at last, his glare sharp and cold.

“I do pay attention.  More than you know,” he hisses.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Jon looks away once again, staring into his tea.

“Just…just tell me what you wanted, Tim,” he says, his voice nearly a whisper.

God, I could punch him right now.

He throws the file he’s holding on the counter instead.

“You know what?  Fine.  I was just starting to feel sorry for you, and I was actually going to fix this problem for you.  But since you insist on being a complete arse, fine.”

He points forcefully toward the file folder.

“There’s an inconsistency with the date on this statement and the follow-up.  I tried everything I could to reconcile it, but we just need more data.  I need to know if there are any other statements about this house or the surrounding area so I can cross-reference them.”

“R-right, I’ll take care of that,” he says, voice still low, and takes the file. 

Tim’s anger very nearly abates when he reaches for his cane, then limps slowly and painfully to sit at the breakroom table.  But he cannot shove it down, no matter how much he wants to.

No, you know what? He can deal with whatever this is himself.

He ought to feel ashamed.

He can’t keep speaking to us this way.

Steeling himself, Tim locks his gaze on Jon once again.

“Look, I’m taking Martin to lunch today, and I don’t care if he’s behind on his work.  I don’t care what you think of it, either.  He deserves to celebrate, and you can just sit here and wallow.”

He turns immediately on his heel and strides out the door to collect Martin.

---

(7am, the next morning)

The brewing cold of autumn seeps into Tim’s bones as he walks from the gym, freshly showered and aiming to drop his things off at the Institute before grabbing coffee with Sasha.  It’s the first time he’s worked out on his own since he was discharged from physical therapy, and he cannot deny his frustration about the performance of his weakened muscles—muscles that had once been so strong.  Still, it had felt good to be back, and Tim had certainly not gone easy on himself.

Perhaps I should have, he thinks, feeling the shoulder beneath the strap of his gym bag beginning to seize up.

Dumping his bag on his desk, Tim flops down unceremoniously into his chair.  He can’t help but wince as he rubs at his sore shoulder, finding with dismay that he can no longer turn his head to the left without sending shooting pains to the base of his skull and across the top of his shoulder.

Damn it.  Overdid it again.

He spends a few minutes this way, breathing through the pain as he works his fingers over the knots, over the countless scars—testing his neck’s range of motion every so often.  It helps in part, but he ultimately finds himself still unable to turn his head by the time he’s finished.  He groans in frustration.

As he does so, a sharp sound echoes from deeper within the archives, and Tim is immediately set on high alert.

Fuck fuck fuck

He stays stock still, eyes blown wide, listening for any indication that something unwelcome has joined him here today, when—

A series of harsh, painful-sounding coughs floats from the direction of Jon’s office, where a light has been left on.

Vicious anger flares up in Tim instantly.

Oh you have got to be kidding me.

Standing up in a rush, he marches over to Jon’s office door, which stands partially open.  There sits Jon, hunched over his desk, staring intently at the pages scattered across it without really seeing them.  The deep black under his eyes tells Tim that, without a doubt, he has been here all night.

And he is furious.

“What the hell are you doing, Jon?”

Jon’s head snaps upwards, expression momentarily widened in shock, before it melts quickly back into his usual scowl.

“I’m only doing what you asked me to do, Tim,” he rasps, voice sounding decidedly small.

“I did not ask you to stay here all night,” Tim fumes, his hand slamming down angrily on the corner of Jon’s desk.

He jumps again, and guilt twinges in Tim’s chest—a twinge which deepens the longer he regards Jon’s complete bewilderment.

“It’s…morning?”

Silence hangs in the air for a moment as they stare at each other. 

Something’s wrong. 

Tim tries to swallow down his concern, remembering that he’s supposed to be angry.

“Look.  If I tell you to go home, are you going to listen to me?”

Jon drops his gaze at once, picking at the scars on his hands.

“Right.  That’s what I thought.”

Tim shakes his head briefly, looking away for a moment in frustration, when his eyes land on a small, wrapped present set on a shelf—on top of which stands a handmade card.  Squinting at it, Tim can just make out the front: “Congratulations” is scrawled across the bottom in forcibly-neatened cursive, above which sits a messy drawing of a Highland cow, shaggy hair hanging down over its eyes.

Tim quirks a smile at this, his anger dissipating immediately.

“That for Martin?” he asks, jerking a thumb toward it.

Jon looks up, eyes bleary.

“What?  Oh—yes, yes it is.”

“What is it?”

“Er—just some tea from my family in Jordan.  It’s…quite good, actually.  I thought he might like it.”

Tim is grinning smugly now, doing his best impression of a Cheshire cat while leaning over Jon’s desk.

“What an interestingly personal gift, Mister Sims.  In fact, one might even mistake it for flirting—that is, if you’re capable of such a thing.”

Predictably, Jon’s face flushes beet red at this, and Tim’s entire body tips back in laughter.

“I—you—it’s not flirting, Tim.  But I will have you know that I am capable of doing so, when I wish.”

Tim laughs again, so utterly pleased with himself at how flustered Jon has become.

“Right. Of course, silly me.”

After a moment’s silence, Jon sighs and rubs a hand into his temple, and Tim knows that the fun is over for now.

“So?  Do you want to come grab a coffee with me and Sasha?  Might do you good to get out of this place for a moment.  Maybe get some caffeine and try to look a little bit less like death warmed over.”

Jon shoots him a sharp glare, which Tim thoroughly enjoys, before turning his eyes to his cane where it rests against the desk.  Considering it for a moment, he worries at his bottom lip before reaching out to grab it.

“Fine.  If you—”

“If I insist, right.  And I do.”

“Alright.”

Jon braces his left hand against his desk, the right gripped tightly around his cane, and lifts himself to half-standing.

Panic laces up every nerve in Tim’s body when he gasps, shifting all his weight to his good leg and swaying alarmingly.  He grabs onto him immediately, steadying him by the upper arms with some difficulty.

“Woah, Jon, woah woah—”

Jon blinks rapidly, face growing ashen.

“Sorry, I…” he trails off at once, eyes closing.

“Sit back down, here—sit down, Jon.  God.”

Tim guides him back to his chair as the cane clatters to the floor, forgotten.  His eyes remain closed as he sits, prompting Tim to shake him gently by the shoulder.

“Jon?  You with me?”

After a few moments, he opens his eyes obediently, moving to nod before thinking better of it.

“Sorry, just—head rush.”

Tim rolls his eyes and stands to his full height, placing his hands on his hips.

“Bullshit.  What’s wrong with you?”

Jon holds out his hands, palms facing up.

“Nothing!  Just…change in the weather.  Affects my…affects my leg, that’s all.”

As he says this, something that looks suspiciously like a fever chill runs the length of his body.  Tim snorts in derision.

“Right.  Sure.  And there’s nothing at all to the fact that you’re literally shaking right now?”

Jon’s eyebrows furrow in annoyance at this. 

“I’m not—”

He breaks off as he looks down—finding that he is, in fact, shaking.

Unbelievable.

“Right.  I’m going to ask you again, and you’d better not lie to me.  What’s wrong with you?”

At this, Jon sighs, looking away with an expression that shows he’s at least considering honesty.  

Suppose that’s all I can ask for.

His considerations are cut short by coughing, which he muffles quickly with both his elbow and his closed mouth.  Tim can’t help but wince at the sound—so dry and wheezing and painful that he can almost feel it in his own throat.  As the fit comes to an end, Jon lowers his elbow and heaves out a wet sigh.

“Just…not feeling well, that’s all.  It’s nothing.”

Tim is momentarily shocked by the candor of that statement, and feels his chest swell with responsibility.

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Though he knows Jon will be distinctly annoyed by it, Tim places a hand on his forehead—quickly realizing what a useless thermometer his hand makes.  Jon scowls up at him especially unpleasantly.

“What, it works in the movies!” he says defensively, dropping his hand.

Jon’s scowl only deepens, but he remains silent.

“Fine.  I’ll just go get the thermometer, then.”

Tim walks quickly toward the break room to grab the first aid kit, which he knows Martin has recently restocked with just about everything his money could buy.  Tim had made fun of him for it at the time—both for the absurd nature of his worry, as well as the extremely limited number of potential office uses for things such as a satellite phone—but now, he felt nothing but gratitude for his foresight.

Should really listen to Martin more. 

Maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up with worms in my shoulder, and I’d still be able to turn my head properly.

He grabs the thermometer and walks briskly back down the hallway, hearing Jon’s coughing resume—the painfully hollow barking no longer contained by his shirt sleeve.

Jesus, he sounds awful.

When he arrives back at Jon’s office, he finds him braced over his knees, trying to catch his breath in the wake of his fit.  Every inhale is drawn heavily, his lungs seemingly starved for oxygen. 

Tim’s worry grows with every passing second.

“Alright, Jon, put this under your tongue,” he orders, holding the thermometer in front of him. 

He takes it resentfully—but puts it under his tongue nonetheless.  They wait for a few moments in silence, Jon struggling to breathe through a blocked nose until the thermometer beeps, and Tim takes it out to read it. 

“38.3.  Not too bad, but most definitely there.”

Jon does not reply, instead dropping his head as he resumes pulling in labored breaths in through his mouth.

Christ.

Tim sighs, replacing his hands on his hips.

“Alright, Jon.  What else is there?  Besides all of—” he gestures vaguely at him— “this, and the hacking up a lung?”

It appears that Jon had not heard him, his breaths still coming in heavy and wheezing.

“Hey.”

Tim snaps his fingers in front of Jon’s face and kneels in front of him, trying to draw his gaze.

“Hey—look at me, Jon.  What else is there?”

His eyes turn vague and glassy as his breath hitches, catching a few times before he turns, grabbing wildly at the box of tissues set on his desk.  He manages to press one against his nose just in time, facing away from Tim as he sneezes thrice—harsh and wet—before it morphs steadily back into awful barking hacks.

Jesus, Jon.

Tim shifts his weight back to sit cross-legged on the floor, waiting out the fit with his head resting against his fist.  Nearly half a minute goes by before Jon turns back to him, still visibly shaking.

“Leg hurts,” he whispers weakly.

Tim lets out a soft laugh.

“That much I gathered.  Head too?” he asks as Jon begins to rub at his temple again.

Jon only sniffs and nods in response, closing his eyes.

At this, Tim stands, folding his arms sternly across his chest. 

“You should really go to a clinic, Jon.  You look absolutely dreadful.”

“I’b fide, Tib,” Jon mutters, and Tim can’t help but outright laugh.

“Ha!  Sure.  You’re right, case closed, totally not struggling to breathe or anything.”

Jon glares at him once again before reaching for another tissue, blowing into it with some difficulty and little relief.

Something about his misery pulls at Tim’s chest, and he takes pity.

“Really, boss, that looks like the flu to me.  And if you won’t do it for yourself, then take one for the team and go home.  You don’t want to get us ill, I can promise you that.  Then you’ll find us even more insufferable than usual, me especially.  And yes, that is a threat.”

The corners of Jon’s mouth quirk up faintly at this, and Tim feels like he’s won the lottery at last.

“Fide.  I’ll go.”

“Excellent.”

Tim picks up Jon’s cane from where it’s fallen to the floor, handing it to him and bracing the opposite elbow as he stands.

“Come on, now.  There we are.  Have to get you out of here before Martin arrives and starts fussing.”

Jon huffs out a laugh, a genuine smile spreading across his face.

“Tim?”

“What?”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?”

Tim sputters in mock indignation, jaw dropping as he turns to face Jon.

“How dare you even suggest that?  I’d never do such a thing.”

Jon’s shoulders shake with muffled laughter as they walk, and Tim feels like the luckiest person in the world to be able to witness it.

#tma #tma fic #tma sickfic #hurt/comfort #jonathan sims #tim stoker #martin blackwood #my writing

[floatingpetals]

Thief in the Night

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: literally all fluff

Word Count:2000+

Summary: She tried to talk to him about it. It’s been an issue with Steve for as long as she could remember. But every night, it always ended the same.

A/N: There is like no plot to this lol. It’s just all fluffy goodness. I needed a little break from my series stuff and this just kinda crapped out. I hope you all enjoy! Please reblog and let me know what you think! ❤❤

Gifs not mine, credit to the creator!

Frigged cold air licked at her legs, instantly causing Y/N to curl up in a ball deep in her sleep. The sudden temperature changed made a frown to tug at her lips and her brows to crease. Her teeth started to chatter, and her body trembled as the chill set in. It didn’t take her long to wake with a start and blink groggily. In her haze, Y/N’s wondered just why the hell she was so freaking cold.

She groaned and stuck her hand out behind her, blindly reaching for the sheet and comforter she was one hundred percent certain she had wrapped around her when she fell asleep. She paused when she felt a lump behind her, a warm thoroughly wrapped up lump that was happily snoring away.

“Of course,” she grumbled.

Y/N rolled over to her back and glared at the back of her sleeping boyfriend beside her. Just because she couldn’t see his face, didn’t mean she wasn’t fully aware of the relaxed and unfazed expression on his face. Steve Grant Rogers had gone and done it again. Not like she could really get upset with him; he didn’t exactly mean to steal the sheets. But he was the reason the room was so stupid cold; Steve ran insanely hot at night for some reason and needed the air in the room to be cooler to not overheat. Y/N didn’t’ mind that. She did, however, not appreciate him stealing her comforters.

She glared for a moment longer before decided to take her comforter back. It took her a moment to find a way to wiggle under the covers, but once she did, she plastered herself to his back and wrapped her arms around his waist. Unsurprisingly, he was radiating heat like the massive furnace he was. He didn’t even flinch when she settled against him, his snores continued without missing a beat.

Well, that can’t do, Y/N thought to herself with a wicked grin. Nuzzling her nose into the crook of his neck and she let out a breathy sigh. She couldn’t hold back her grin as she shuffled her legs further under the sheets and pressed her frigid feet against his stupidly warm calves. At the same time, she slid her equally freezing hands up under his white t-shirt and shoved them up to rest on his pecks.

His reaction was instantaneous. His eyes flew open with a hiss and his body reflexively lurched to get away. Y/N giggled and tightened her grip around his chest and slid her feet up his legs.

“Jesus Christ!” He yelped when her freezing foot climbed up his thigh. He shot a hand out to stop her from going higher, his grip tight in warning. “Why are you so damn cold?!”

“Me?” Y/N counter indignantly. “You’re the butt munch who stole the sheets! Again!”

Steve bit his lip, the frustration of being woken up fading away when he took note of his position under the several layers of blankets. It was an old habit of his, from before the serum when he lost body heat regularly. Bucky always used to say he looked like he was in a cocoon whenever he’d spend the night on Bucky’s old couch. He didn’t realize how inconvenient it was until he started dating Y/N a year ago and they had the same outcome every night they spent together. Sighing, he unclenched and started unwrapping the blankets to drape over her behind him.

“’M sorry,” He murmured. Y/N snorted and snuggled closer against him. If she couldn’t get her own space, then fine. She’d cling like a koala and he’d lose his.

“I know you are.” She sighed and pressed a kiss to the back of his neck. A purr rumbled in his chest, the soft-touch causing his eye to flutter close. One of his hands reached under his shirt to cover hers, his thumb rubbing gentle circles against the back of her hand. “Still doesn’t mean we’re gonna overlook your problem.”

Steve smirked and shook his head. He had a feeling this wasn’t gonna end that easily. She had already given him an earful about it a few nights ago before bed. He wasn’t intentionally ignoring her. It was a work in progress.

“I know.” He murmured. “I don’t mean to…”

Y/N hummed and let her head fall on the pillow. She let out a heavy sigh and tried to fall back asleep. Unfortunately, she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy. Once she was up, it took a long while for her to fall back asleep, unlike the thief in the night who could fall asleep on a dime. She hated that but also loved knowing it was because of her presence that Steve to felt safe enough to fall asleep so quickly. He had a lot of weight on his shoulders, so any help she could give, Y/N was happy for it.

However, for her, her brain just wouldn’t stop thinking. It was a constant buzz in the back of her head that no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get it to shut up. Ever. Case in point, right now it kept asking the question what the hell made him still yank covers despite his temperature running higher than it used to be.

“Steve,” Y/N whispered. Steve answered with a teeny groan. Y/N pouted and tried again with a shimmy of her hips. “Steve.”

He didn’t respond and when he started to snore, Y/N knew he was back asleep. The giant jerk. Well, that just wouldn’t do. She was up because of him and he wasn’t getting away with it that easily. Gently tugging her hand from his grip, she reached down and dug her knuckled into his side between his rib cages. It wouldn’t hurt him, but it was a sure-fire way to wake him up. Steve snorted and jerked, his eyes flying open wide.

“Whas happened?” He slurred and blearily rubbed his eyes.

“I can’t sleep.” She stated simply. Steve grumbled and rolled over to face her in her arms. Unsurprisingly, he had an exhausted look on his face. It was clear how hard he was struggling to keep his heavy eyelids open.

“Aw, m’ sorry baby.” He cooed and raised a hand to rest on her cheek. Y/N watched amused as his eyelids drooped shut in seconds on relaxing into her bed. His hand fell with a soft smack on her cheek and Y/N couldn’t stop the laughter tumbling from her mouth. Steve jerked awake once again.  

“Y/N,” He whined. Y/N giggled at his pout which only made her laugh harder. He grumbled under his breath and forced her face into the crook of his neck.

“Steve!” She snickered but didn’t fight his embrace. He shushed her halfheartedly and started to run his hand down the back of her head. Well, more like drug his heavy fingers down her head in a sleepy attempt to quiet her.

“Go to sleep,” He mumbled. Y/N scoffed.

“If only it was that easy.”

“It is. Just close your eyes and shhh….”

“But that’s not-,”

“Shh sh sh,” Steve interjected, his speech falling off as he slowly succumbed to sleep. Again.

Now her brain wouldn’t stop jumping from how she was going to wake him up again to what the hell she was going to wear tomorrow, to what she was going to have for lunch. Groaning softly under her breath, Y/N knew this was fruitless and started to wiggle out of Steve’s grip. Steve inhaled sharply, and sluggishly stirred as she shimmed off the bed.

“Where you goin’?” He called sleepily. Y/N stood at the end of the bed and looked over to Steve. He was utterly adorable, with the pile of blankets wrapped up around him and just his face peeking out of the mass as he squinted in the darkness to see her.

“I’m going to make some tea and maybe take some Benadryl so I can fall back asleep since someone was so kind and woke me up.”  

Steve frowned and rolled over, mentally debating on whether he should get up to follow after her. The bed was colder without her, the safety blanket he had gone with her. Exhaling dramatically, Steve shoved the blankets off and grabbed one of the thick blankets on top to wrap around himself. Shuffling down the hall, Steve stopped at the entrance of the kitchen and watched Y/N start the electric kettle.

She was humming softly to herself, grabbing a bag of tea from the box in the pantry completely oblivious to the looming man behind her. Y/N turned around to go to where the mugs were and nearly flew out of her skin.

“Jesus!” Her squeaked and her hand flew to her chest. “What the hell?”

“You left me alone.” He pouted. Y/N sighed and rubbed her temple.

“I went-. I told-,” Taking in a deep breath, Y/N shook her head deciding it was best just to let it go. “Never mind. You’re lucky your cute.”

A soft smile grew on Steve’s face and a warm fuzzy feeling settle in his stomach. In the back of his mind, he knew she was poking fun at him, but he was going to take the compliment at face value. It was too early to be sarcastic back. He scuffled across the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Y/N waist. A sweet thought, but in his sleepy state, Steve wasn’t aware of how his body weight sagged down on her.

“O-okay,” Y/N staggered under his bulk. She braced her hands against the counter and spread her legs out keep from collapsing. “Steve, you can’t- I’m not equipped to carry you, baby.”

“Mhm.” Steve’s voice was muffled against her neck, but he didn’t move from his spot. He was comfy where he was.

“So… This is just our life now I guess?” Y/N teased. She couldn’t move even if she wanted to with his weight on her back and he only seemed to grow heavier the deeper he slipped into unconsciousness. The kettle went off, the shrill beeping pulling a pitiful groan from Steve in her ear. “Baby just go back to bed. You’re barely standing as it is. I’ll be there in a few minutes, I promise.”

He mumbled incoherently under his breath but gave in. He pressed a sloppy kiss to her neck, nearly missing the mark before he stumbled back to their share bedroom. Y/N giggled and made up her tea before she headed back to the room.

Steve had flicked on a lamp on Y/N’s side of the bed. She paused when she saw he spread the blankets out, putting a few extra on her spot, before crawling up underneath them. He was out like a light, his arm slung on her side of the bed snoring softly against the pile of pillows. Y/N melted at the sight, her lips turning up in a loving smile.  

Y/N set her mug on the bedside table and slowly lifted his arm to shimmy underneath. His eyes fluttered open briefly and gave her a lopsided grin. Y/N smiled back and leaned down to press a kiss to his temple.

“Go to sleep,” Y/N whispered gently. Steve hummed and gently squeezed her hip. She had just sat up when she heard his snores once again. That punk, she thought jealously. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her mug and settled in to be awake until her brain finally let her sleep. By the time she was able to drift to sleep, the tea was long gone, and her day was planned out down to the second. It was a good thing it was Friday and they didn’t have anything incredibly important to do the next day.

She flicked off the lamp and nestled in beside Steve with a happy sigh. Unconsciously, he pulled her close and nuzzled his face into her neck. A content sigh fell from his lips and he held her tight. She fell asleep with a happy smile against her blanket stealing boyfriend.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fic #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers #reader insert #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #marvel imagine #captain america imagine #steve rogers fluff #captain america fluff #fluff #imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #fic

[aw-eather]

Heather Watches SG1: s1ep4 The Broca Divide

On todays episode of Heather doesn’t have anything better to do with her time and wants to re-watch episodes she’s seen 8 times/in the last 2 months, I will be rewatching Broca Divide and giving my thoughts in the form of dot points. It makes me laugh, it makes you laugh apparently and its just a bit of fun. I will try and put these all in one place at some point so we can find them all. 

Warning: I don’t like Daniel in this episode (or most for that matter) so if Daniel is your fave, look away!

Really pretty shot of the mountain

dress blues fuck

they look so good

like really fucking good

Sam is like “sir did you just sass the General?”

she just rolled her eyes at him and did the little grin when he joked about the names being too complicated she’s so cute and adorable

Jack looks really really good

Like they both look so fucking good in those dress uniforms 

I have a thing for uniforms apparently 

but they both look good in dark blue its not my fault

Sassy Daniel

Silly Daniel (not my perscription)

Silly Jack making Sam smile (why doesn’t the MALP have one of these?)

I love them already

She’s so young.. such a baby space hero

FLYBOY

my cuppa tea is STRONG i messesd up

Night vision cam

Whomp they got jumped 

Yeah shooting works too

They were PEOPLE, Daniel.  Come on, i was starting to like you

CREDITS

I have VERY strong memories of waking up as a kid and walking past a tv that had been left on and seeing these exact opening credits when I was a kid. 

AMANDA YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL

especially that shot of them coming through the gate with the purple sky, I strongly remember that. 

Does Daniel ever know whats going on/what it is/where they are/what it means? 

I also call it rape and agree we should stop it fuck you Daniel, wtf?!?!?!

I don’t care if you think its how pre historic men mate, its fucking rape you ass hole what the fuck  This isn’t a prehistoric time, you didn’t time travel, you can interfere. How Sam did not deck you at all during the last two episodes is BEYOND ME 

The Untouched. 

ooooh sun

JACK AND SAM BEING ADORABLE AND JOKING AROUND STOP MY HEART I LOVE THEM

I remember when my friends and I watched this and we were joking about how Jack went grey really quick and @allofthecaffeine said it was because he had to parent Daniel. I died

Scruffy Jack looks SO FUCKING GOOD WTF

he is so aesthetically pleasing honestly

Jack stop being sarcastic

Daniel stop

You’re not gonna find out why now either, Daniel. No body cares about the bulls.

I mean I kinda wanna know but not the point

Thats a lot of yes sir from Daniel, sto being a tit. I know you wanna look at this shit but its not what you’re actually there for babe. 

Daniel stop interupting ffs shut up

Jack wake up honey

Uh oh

Marine looks unhappy 

Sam’s little smile I love her

Jack doesn’t sound happy but he will be. He will learn to love his scientific girlfriend and their archaesologist son

“please release me, Lt. Johnson” Teal’c is everything. He’s the best. I love Teal’c. 

Makepeace being Makepeace

Teal’c just stops the punch with one hand like its nothing lol “I would prefer to not hurt this man” lol 

Daniel helping Sam out cause he’s a good friend, kinda sweet

Jesus those poor guys 

Sam rushing to help because Sam is the best

oh FUCK 

LOCKER SCENE

OH SHIT

TANK TOP

WE ALL DO

TANK TOP

NO NOT LIKE THIS JACK O’NEILL DID YOU JUST ADMIT TO HAVING THE HOTS FOR YOUR 2IC?? 

CAUSE I MEAN SAME BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO

TANK TOP

HE PUT HIS FACE VERY CLOSE TO HER NECK THERE FOR A SECOND FOR NO REASON, HE WAS THINKING ABOUT IT

I wonder how many times they thought about hooking up in locker rooms after this... 

just a thought

poor Sam is always getting tied down to be... I am gonna choose not to finish that sentence

JANET

JAAAANNNNEEEEEETT

LOVE OF MY LIFE

LIGHT OF THE SGC

TINY DOC AS I CALL HER

love the explination of the iso rooms like we needed that info

she looks sso good

she eserved so much better

excellent observation hun, I would never have guessed

strongest offspring huh

JACK GETTING DEFENSIVE ABOUT SAM

SHE SCRATCHED HIS NECK MY GOD

FUCK OFF DANIEL “YOU POOR MAN” GET FUCKED

SHE’S NOT YOURS TO CARE ABOUT 

OH SHIT JACK HE DIDN’T QUITE DESERVE THAT MUCH OF A BEATING YET

LEAVE THAT UNTIL S8

JANET

SHE IS SO PRETTY STOP IT

I MISS HER

Had to pause cause my mum’s making coffee and my kitchen/lounge are one room

So how we all doing? 

My aunt has turned up to use my oven because its better than hers

I might not get to finish this yet fam 

I’m back 

I got lunch

“never seen anything like this on earth” honey you are dealing with ALIENS

Of course you haven’t!

Why you explaining the names, didn’t y’all have a debrief. 

MR TEAL’C STOP IT THATS SO UCKING CUTE jANET NO

First of many new plaugues, Hammond, don’t stress. This is just a normal day in the office for you

Janet’s hair is so bouncy I love her

Poor Jack

He’s having a rough day which isn’t unusual but its rough

Hammond stop stressing, you will be FINE

JANET’S S M I L E

I love her so much she deserved the world

Just the two of us suck it UP DANIEL 

Once more unto the breach

Thats a great episode of Sanctuary actually. One of my faves

“we dumped them in a small room” lol Teal’c you the best

Daniel ffs 

Guns again

to be fair they’d frighten me off. P90 is a big fun

so I guess it checks out

uh oh daniels been taken

what a shame

Oh Hammond poor thing

Aww even like this Jack is adorable 

RDA sure is a good actor just saying

lol neck scratches ;) 

Sorry I’ve said it like eight times but Janet is so, so beautiful. 

Permanent brain damage? Sounds like a normal day in the office for these Space Babies

Always the hero, Jack

AW he touched her face

STOP IT I LOVE HER SO MUCH I CANNOT BREATH I’M GONNA C R Y

i love the language in SG1 and all the Goa’uld words

Poor Teal’c. They were v rude to him

YAS TEAL’C BEAT SOME ASS SO PROUD OF YOOOOOOU

GET THAT BLOOD

To be honest, I would have left Daniel behind but apparently we don’t do that... so 

SAM NO

POOR BABY

LIGHTLY STABBED

POOR SPACE BBY

MR. TEAL’C JANET STOOOOOP I CAN’T 

lots of big words Janet, stop with the big words

more big words

of course he’s sure, he’s Jack, he wants to help everyone... 

well... not everyone but thats fine

LUCY I’M HOME

I AM NOT LUCY

Oh for crying out loud count is at two this episode 

the gate spinning is their entire budget lets be honest

SAMMY

As if Daniel would be d...i guess he’s usually dead, isn’t he? Never mind 

“Daniel you dog, keep this up you’ll have a girl on every planet” WHERE IS THE LIE

WHY IS EVERYONE ATTRACTED TO DANIEL WHEN JACK IS RIGHT THERE I DO NOT UNDERSTAND 

More bulls

I love this guys crop top 

also those blues are really pretty

Daniel is gonna need a new uniform, thats ones a bit ripped up

S C I E N C E 

“There’s our boy” SEE HE IS THEIR CHILD

Aww those little happy grins 

he looks so pleased

OG MY GOD

YES YOU DO REMEMBER

HOWS THE WOUND

WOUND

GOT STABBED IN THE STOMACH

THERE WONT EVEN BE A SCAR

GOOD. i WAS WORRIED YOU’D NEVER WEAR THE TANK TOP AGAIN

I N N A P R O P R I A T E 

I N S U B O R D I N A T I O N

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH JFC ITS BEEN 4 EPISODES AND I CANNOT HNDLE THEM

stop flirting with your 2IC but actually never stop

marry her

Final Thoughts

Janet is the light of my life

she deserved the world and was paid dust

fuck the powers that be

how dare they

this episode is so cute and fun

but semi-serious

but like... fun?? IDK i really like Broca Divide

prescious babies are precious

they love each other so much already

TANK TOP!SAM

DRESS BLUES!SAM

DRESS BLUES!JACK

ok i’m done

Alright friends, lemme know what you think of this episode. That was fun, I love it so much. Its so fun jumping back from s4 Atlantis (where I’m currently up to) to watch s1 SG1 Sam because she’s such a baby and so precious and now she’s a LEADER bless her 

#Stargate SG1 #Stargate #SG1 #SG1: The Broca Divide #Samantha Carter #Jack O'Neill #Daniel Jackson #Teal'c #Janet Fraiser #teryl rothery #Richard Dean Anderson #Amanda Tapping #ATapps #RDA #Michael Shanks #Christopher Judge #Mudblood-and-proud watches #Sg1 Rewatch #Tank Top!Sam #Space Babies

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S3 Ep 43: Tea Can Just Knock Over Joey Wheeler With Her Index Finger

Guys guys guys, my favorite Character is back. That’s right--the storyboarder!

So this episode looked helllla nice for a Yugioh episode (again, this is Yugioh, it will win no awards.) It wasn’t as nice and fluid as the episode where they temporarily killed off Joey Wheeler, but I give it a good 2nd place.

You can tell we’re getting to the climax of the season because they’re throwing down their most entertaining art people onto the screen, giving us about 5 zillion dutch angle fashion close-ups of Marik’s cabbage face, and a whole lot of zany and hard to very hard to draw fish-eye lens angles of Pharaoh.

Also, everyone wears flared bell-bottom pants now. New stylistic decision, as decided just now. Everyone in pants now has flares. Even if their pants are cargo pants. How very 00′s. (my pants were flares from like birth until 2006, it was a good trend, super comfy, bring it back.)

(read more under the cut)

First off, Evil Marik decided to rewrite Marik history a little bit with some hilarious retconning that only the most evil Marik would think is legit.

I mean I was there when Marik was introduced and was a complete asshole all of S2. I remember when Odion considered murdering the hell out of his little brother because this Marik guy was such freakin tool and his Dad was an evil cultist bastard. I...I’m gonna go on a limb and assume that calling Marik a “loyal servant” is a freakin stretch. Marik made his choices. Yes, his bad side killed his Dad, but they have made sure to indicate that yes, this is the evil inside of Marik, something that he himself caused--but most of the things that Marik has done (with the exception of killing his own Dad) is still Marik. He did that.

The fact that his evil side can’t quite connect that his good side and evil side are at all the same however, is fitting for an evil Marik to think. More and more, Marik and Marik are becoming 2 different people, and this game is the deciding factor to finally give this guy full autonomy of his other half.

We’ve seen this type of contrast before with Bakura and Ryou--where Ryou and Bakura don’t really get along but have always been clearly different people, so the culpability of what they do tends to fall on Bakura. (which is a pretty GRAND assumption, I still think Ryou is a precious but absolutely still shady little bastard) So, it’s a little different that Marik considers himself two completely different people when it’s just...not the same. Marik’s alter ego is just an ego. More like how Yami was in Season Zero but a little bit more evil. Both Marik’s have the same upbringing and the same source.

It’s been kind of an interesting progression now I can look back on it, where slowly the two have been clashing to the point that they are in fact different, disparate people now. The fact that Marik points out how his situation similar to Yugi and Pharaoh being a host is almost like “well yeah, it would have been nice to see how the whole Season Zero Yami evolved into more of a separate person over time, I’m glad you inferred that, and I’ll never get to see it, thanks” But again, all that is inferred. Whether Yami Yugi eventually became Pharaoh over time or whether Pharaoh is a big retcon of Yami Yugi for the new series in order to keep the culpability for what he does off of Yugi Muto was never directly spoken in the show so it’ll be left to your fanfictions.

Meanwhile, Yugi has decided that they’re going to try and purify the Marik situation and save the good side. This is sort of the Yugioh thing, to dispel the bad forces from people and leave behind hollow husks, so yeah...it tracks. I mean...there’s very little Marik left to save, but it’s better than a husk, amiright? Better than what happened to freakin PaniK, RIP. I’m sure erasing over half of your identity will go over real well for Marik and be absolutely painless.

And then we had a lovely scene that, for those people doing scene redraws from anime, as has been a popular trend on art blogs lately--this is your episode for Yugioh. This episode’s got moody lighting, we’ve subdued all our weird ass colors into one concrete palate (remember how green the carpet used to be?) we got interesting elements of Marik being here despite being chopped into pieces. We got so many ellipses drawn in perspective (y’all I could write an entire posts just about ellipses but I’ll spare you). It’s like Yugioh gave itself a redraw.

I can’t believe this shot came out of freakin Yugioh.

Also, this guy was an ASSHOLE for the past 2 seasons but the show was like “time to make him likeable” and so they dropped some good ass cinematography and sung that sad backstory tune on the trumpet and you know what? It works.

+++++++++++++++RANT ABOUT REDEMPTION ARCS FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS MASSIVE WALL OF TEXT++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now I think the arc of Marik is pretty simple and people are pretty chill with it. But, I’m gonna talk about villain redemption arcs just in general--gonna sidetrack a little from Yugioh for a moment. Partly because I watched 6 seasons of Once Upon a Time, which is basically Villain Redemption Arc Controversy: The Show.

It bothers a hell ton of people when TV shows have to make a villain redeemable, but there’s only one episode left so they put their hands up and say “but I swear the good side of him was always good” But, does that mean Marik’s going to make up for all the murder and sending people to the shadow realm? No. He never will. Even if Marik was completely his bad half the whole time, it still wouldn’t make up for the damage done. Dead people are...DEAD.

Marik can’t actually make any choices right now to redeem his character. All he’s doing is accepting he will never be a full person ever again. Hence why he is in slices and pieces, and in several shots is trapped either in an empty glass or a window. The choice to redeem him is entirely on other people.

And that’s the thing about redemption arcs that I want to bring up--how much of a character’s redemption relies on what the villains do to “Make up for what they did”, and how much relies on everyone else to redeem them. I think the tendency is for people to assume that the villains should be doing 90-100% of the redeeming, but unless they have a time machine--they can’t do any. Even if they freakin die to sacrifice themselves it’s still like “that character was basically little Stalin, right?

I’ve seen like a million ways to write a redemption arc, but none of them, not a single one that I can think of, can ever truly make up for the things the villian has done. There’s no way that Darth Vadar was suddenly going to become a good Dad, no matter how many Palpatines he can toss into a...whatever that was at the end of that movie. That’s the riddle behind what makes redemption arcs so engaging--By all cultural standards these villains should always be tagged a “bad guy” but, we, the audience, are being challenged to ignore those standards.

And I know a lot of people see redemption arcs as a quasi-religious sort of adventure into atonement, where we’re supposed to see ourselves as the villain searching for some type of forgiveness from a higher, most-likely-a-reference-to-Jesus-power, but I don’t really see them that way. Maybe it’s because, I dunno, I haven’t killed anyone recently or possessed other people’s minds or strung them up to anchors and dropped them into the ocean. But if you see yourself as a Marik, then go for it, I won’t stop you.

But, to me, a redemption arc is more of a question posed for us as viewers. Since it is impossible for the writers to ever fully redeem a character, the only ones doing the redeeming are the people watching it, who’s reaction will differ wildly from person to person, and that’s what makes it fascinating.

And like, that’s my thesis here at the very last paragraph of this long meandering rant. Redemption arcs aren’t about “hey is this person good enough to be redeemed (because that will never happen)” it’s “are you too good to redeem that person?” It’s a large scale experiment on the viewers watching and that’s why it makes people so freakin pissed and uncomfortable. Every redemption arc calls them out directly, and for some people it’s just like--the world ends or something. I have seen actual internet mobs develop over...a villain redemption arc. Which is weird.

And so I’ll leave it with my other spicy take that...you don’t have to redeem every villain when the question is asked. I mean these aren’t real people. The questions of “would you redeem this person” is asked entirely hypothetically. And that’s what makes up stories, not just the interaction of the people inside the stories, but when it affects the moral structure of the readers directly, and seeing how for some people, that can be a very intense and deep reflection. (which usually leads to a hell ton of either retconning fanfiction or a hell ton of really, really angry posts)

bro’s just told me that Yugioh is just a redemption arc for season 0 Yami Yugi. Bro and his spicy headcanons. This one holds some water though, lol.

++++++++++++END OF A SUPER LONG RANT ABOUT VILLAINS THAT I HELD IN FOR THE ENTIRE 6 SEASONS OF ONCE UPON A TIME, WOW A LOT OF PEOPLE HAD OPINIONS ABOUT CERTAIN CHARACTERS THAT THEY JUST EXPECTED EVERYONE ELSE TO HAVE, AMIRIGHT????+++++++++++

Anyway, back to jokes.

Again, Storyboarder just...nailing these weird ass shoes that are somewhere between a dress shoe and a boot. Shoes are hard to draw, y’all. This storyboarder. And they even made sure that the shoes looked very small and precious the way Yugi shoes would be. Little Cinderella size 5 Yugi shoes.

Oh finally.

So it was only a matter of time before the people who actually care about being possessed noticed this situation, it just took like...a season longer than I thought it would. I’ll be honest it was quite cathartic for them to actually address for the first time in what feels like a long time “SHOOT, GHOSTS!?!?”

Although it was kind of funny that the biggest reaction to all of this came straight from Joey. Yugi still doesn’t care, Tristan’s decided to just accept this, and Duke is just slowly backing away. But Joey’s going to try and do the work that Yugi should have done last episode.

HOT DAMN.

So, lets go over the Yugioh power chart here. Tristan can punch out Bakura. Tristan can also defeat Seto Kaiba with a broomstick. Joey can kick Tristan, even when Tristan is armed with a broomstick, so hard that Tristan flew through a metal door and bent it completely over backwards. Tea, however, can knock Joey completely over with one single index finger.

How has this girl ever been abducted? Was she just bored?

Bro wants to bring up that she once incapacitated a man with her butt. Just falling on top of a guy and hitting him with her butt of steel. Was she even in danger from the shipping container when she could just bat it away? She once choked out Season 0 Yugi Muto. She was always fine.

Credit to Joey, he keeps trying, and it gives us, for the first time, a sneak peek into what it must be like for Yugi and Joey to hang out on the offtimes that Yugi switches over and Pharaoh hasn’t quite gotten the memo.

This is in fact, the second time that she’s done this.

(meanwhile, sitting next to Odion, is one single cargo pocket floating in the air, gently smoking a purple haze like incense)

Welcome back Odion! I only now just realized how freakin jacked your neck is.

Like y’all his neck is wider than his head, hot damn.

Anyway, this show is secretly all about the power of big brothers, so I assume he’s going to start the mile long crawl to the top of the tower and then just...walk in...just walk right into a shadow game...?

...no one thought to stay with Odion? Like not even Serenity? Or at least leave him a weelchair? what the hell?

Odion always gets the worst wrap, this poor guy.

Anyway if you just got here, this is a link to read these recaps in chrono order from the beginning and watch my progression of knowing nothing about Yugioh to knowing a lot about random facts about Yugioh but still knowing absolutely nothing at all just like Socrates.

And here’s that shot of Marik for y’alls anime scene redraws, knock yourself out.

#Yugioh #ygo #episode recap #photo recap #S3 ep 43 #Yugi Muto #Marik Ishtar #Tea is possessed again #Tea Gardner #Odion ishtar #Ishizu Ishtar #Joey Wheeler #Duke Devlin #Tristan Taylor #Seto Kaiba #man alive why do I list all the characters all the time there are so many characters #guest appearance by this wonderful storyboarder

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: they're getting chinese for tea if you want in Fraze: Alright cheers Bea: your dad says where are you Bea: probably wants you to pick it up Fraze: Tell him he don't need to Fraze: & to stop being so fucking embarrassing like Bea: meant the food idiot 😂 Bea: like he cba to go out Bea: your mums sleeping Fraze: Sounds more legit Fraze: I'll get it then, won't I Bea: 👍 Bea: girls said make sure you get fortune cookies 🙄 Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: mhmm Bea: who's out then Fraze: Everyone Fraze: Where are you? Bea: got that big project for history Fraze: Yeah me too Fraze: So? Bea: so Bea: I wanna get a good grade don't I 😜 Fraze: You will anyway Fraze: Could do it the night before & still would, like Bea: True Fraze: I'm just gonna tell Miss to stop flirting with me if she keeps asking about homework 😉 Fraze: Unless you wanna do mine too Bea: ha fuck off do I Bea: get you points with your new girlfriend at least, even if you fail Fraze: Didn't reckon you could handle two, stresshead that you are Fraze: Worth a shot though Fraze: The kid I pay only does Maths & English Bea: Reverse psychology is a bit first school Bea: if you put half this effort into your work, Frazier 😉 Fraze: Just 'cause my ma's asleep don't mean you gotta take over Fraze: & it worked on Tanisha so I can do worse than a low effort, high reward strategy, can't I Bea: I ain't either of the women in your life, if you ain't noticed Fraze: You don't do enough shouting for one or hair flipping for the other Bea: gives your friend with the Bieber hair a run for his money Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Come out Fraze: You can tell him Fraze: Tell her to go easy on the gloss an' all before we get stuck together Bea: I'm good Bea: let your lack of tact work in your favour for once Fraze: Bullshit would you rather do homework than have a drink with me Fraze: Come on Bea: don't fancy sharing with you Bea: gloss, who knows what else, like Fraze: Then don't Fraze: You can have your own Bea: Generous Bea: where'd you get it this time Fraze: Better for you if you don't know Bea: 🙄 Bea: Whatever Fraze: Help me get rid & it's done Fraze: No evidence Bea: shouldn't you be telling your friends to piss off now, get some alone time Bea: not invite more people Fraze: Not fruity enough for her to handle, is it Bea: ha Bea: how shaming Fraze: You coming or not Bea: You're meant to be coming back with food, remember Bea: no point Fraze: After then Bea: who else is there Bea: i don't want to watch you suck face tah Fraze: She's gone in Fraze: You know what her ma's like Bea: not really Bea: not that interested, like Bea: but fine Fraze: Long story short, she don't like me Fraze: One of them McKenna's ain't I Bea: 💔 Fraze: Already smacked her brother for saying it Bea: Only got yourself to blame then Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I finished it, didn't start it Bea: Can't act surprised Bea: what did you think would happen Fraze: I controlled what would happen Fraze: End of Bea: One way to put it Fraze: What are you being such a bitch for? Bea: What you being such a pussy for? Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sound like one Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I don't Bea: Yeah you do Bea: what you wanna get invited 'round for tea for so bad Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: Get what I want off her already Bea: Shut up bitching to me that her mammy don't like you then if you don't care Bea: 'cos I deffo don't Fraze: What you need an A so bad you can't talk to me now Fraze: That's proper desperate Bea: talk about something more interesting than this dry project and maybe I'd wanna Fraze: I invited you to something more interesting Bea: I said I'd come out Fraze: They said I'm banned from the Chinese but I'm still going in Fraze: Don't mean shit Bea: When did that happen Fraze: Last week Bea: You're ridiculous Fraze: They are Fraze: Barely kicked off Bea: Yeah okay Bea: such a conspiracy that Fraze: Nah, don't wind me up & I won't react, simple as Bea: I don't know the last time someone told you but world don't revolve around you Fraze: Who then? My life I'm living, babe Bea: The rest of us ain't living ours to keep you happy Fraze: More fool you Fraze: You'd have it easier that way Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Da's gonna have to come get this shit they won't give it me Fraze: Pass it on Bea: fuck sake Bea: alright Bea: [time] Bea: Joe's on his way Fraze: & I got one foot in the door near enough Fraze: You coming for a 🚬 or can you only accept one invite a night now, like Bea: If you're offering one of yours then obviously Bea: be down now Fraze: Don't keep me waiting, Princess Bea: Or what, dickhead Fraze: There'll be fuck all left for you Bea: 😂 Bea: Idiot Bea: [comes out and takes it] Fraze: [control your heart eyes boy for the love of god, keep it 😏] Bea: [when you're trying to pretend you ain't arsed but you're obvs lowkey 😒 'cos can't control that] Fraze: [pulls on her sleeve to get her attention cos throwback to when they were kids and therefore forever something he'd do even as an adult] Bea: [has to be like what 'cos cannot ignore a throwback] Fraze: [asking her what's wrong via a look] Bea: ['hungry' when we know she weren't having no chinese] Fraze: [shakes his head but not gonna push that too hard because we do know, gives her a lemon sherbet from his pocket cos on a throwback roll goodbye] Bea: [smiles a bit and takes it, 'where's the drink you promised, then?] Fraze: ['you wanna go get started now then, yeah?' A loooooooook stop flirting boy but don't] Bea: [returning looks forever, 'ain't your girlfriend' meaning not a weak-ass bitch but also we know] Fraze: [intense eye contact that goes on too long for the win. 'So come on' starts walking & doesn't wait for her to follow cos knows she will] Bea: [raises her eyebrows like 'really' but does 'cos why wouldn't she] Fraze: [takes her to wherever he's stashed it nearby] Bea: [holds out hand like gimme] Fraze: [hands it over with a little lol] Bea: [looks at him like you drunk already but smiles and takes massive swig like ick, thanks creepy old dudes 'cos casual pro already] Fraze: [smiles back because casually always impressed and not gonna pretend he ain't, but does his own to prove he can hang obvs] Bea: ['least she'll be cheap to get pissed'] Fraze: ['shut up' cos he ain't like that and don't want her to think he is for obvious creepy old dude related reasons] Bea: [shrugs like what it's true then smirks at him 'cute'] Fraze: [his turn to be 😒 'don't'] Bea: ['who knew you were so chivalrous? so adorable' loling] Fraze: ['you, unless you've repressed more shit than you let on' because that's a throwback to them being little in itself he'd be so protective of her bye] Bea: [is like oh but fronts it all smirky like 'you wish, boy'] Fraze: [his turn to shrug cos it's true & they both know it but also return the smirk cos always & steal her words from earlier. 'not really' which is a lie] Bea: [shakes her head, drinks some more] Fraze: [likewise] Bea: ['think your brother's got a little girlfriend too'] Fraze: [laughs and gives a look like which one] Bea: [rolls eyes 'keep up, Tommy's had one for ages, Joe'] Fraze: ['Had money on Rocky before him'] Bea: ['Rude, he's cute.' Pausing for that dramatic effect 'cos evil 'least Kayleigh Macguire from year above him thinks so' older womens always] Fraze: [If I was being rude I'd have said he looks like a fucking girl & called her a Lezza but I ain't.' Pauses himself to give her a pisstaking look. 'That's what this mood is then, you didn't get to ask him out yourself. Unlucky like.'] Bea: ['Jealous 'cos he's pretty than yours? Sad times, Sherlock.'] Fraze: ['Fuck off. You're jealous 'cause she's got tits and you ain't, don't take it out on me'] Bea: [Laughs 'yeah I'm so devvo I'm not fat'] Fraze: ['Nah, gutted that Joe ain't tripping over himself for you though.'] Bea: [Flicking her cigarette away and stamping it out as she turns to go 'You're such an idiot'] Fraze: ['If you want him you're gonna have to make a move, cunt's got none of his own.'] Bea: [Exasperated 'I clearly don't'] Fraze: ['Clear that you're full of compliments for him' Shoves the bottle at her cos so angry always 'Offer him a drink, be his best mate. On the house along with the tip.'] Bea: ['Excuse me, just because I don't need to slag him off don't mean I'm in love with him, Jesus, what's wrong with you?'] Fraze: [just gives her a look like who's side are you on because dramatic af forever we know] Bea: ['Ridiculous, I already said.' Drinking 'cos she's got it now, like] Fraze: [turns to go himself because king of throwing a strop] Bea: ['You done with this then?' shakes the bottle like hello? 'good then' and goes to walk inside with it like a bad bitch ain't scared] Fraze: [pulls her back by her sleeve but like harder than he meant to because emotions be high so then has to take the bottle back and neck loads of it cos cant look at her] Bea: [grabbing the bottle and smashing it, wasteful but necessary] Fraze: ['what the fuck'] Bea: ['Don't fucking grab me'] Fraze: [bringing the eye contact back because he has to, you did wrong there boy & we all know it you included. 'I'm sorry.'] Bea: [Shrugs like okay then but won't meet his eyes stubbornly] Fraze: [rubs his eyes & puts his head in hands because fuck he did not mean for this. 'Go home, Bea' is now the time to tell her what to do even if it is softly & with feeling, no boy but god bless] Bea: [when you're not dignifying that with a response] Fraze: ['fuck's sake' but mostly to & at himself lbr] Bea: [starts walking away but not in 'cos like I said a bitch ain't eating so] Fraze: [stubbornly doesn't follow her though he obviously wants to] Bea: [where are you going, who knows, but you committed now] Fraze: Where are you going? Bea: What's it matter? Fraze: I said go home not go fucking missing Bea: Dramatic Bea: not missing, am I Bea: just gonna go see where everyone is Fraze: They're having dinner like Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: everyone in town Bea: alright Bea: I'll find someone, don't worry Fraze: Don't say that to me Fraze: I clearly am Bea: what, you wanna be your mum now Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I said sorry Fraze: Come back Bea: I don't want to Fraze: I don't want you wandering the fucking streets Bea: oh my god Bea: you invited me out earlier so don't lie Fraze: With me Bea: I can look after myself Fraze: I know Fraze: Jesus Bea: Then don't worry Bea: go eat Fraze: Stop saying that Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: I don't wanna go eat Bea: Do what you want then Bea: I am Fraze: Tell me where you are then Fraze: I will Bea: [probably a park or something] Fraze: [finds her because obviously] Bea: [love a swing moment] Fraze: [pushes her on the swing because what are you gonna say boy] Bea: [is all 'I'm not a child' but not really aggressive more like done but doesn't try to get off or anything] Fraze: ['Stop having a tantrum then' um excuse you boy, hypocrite much] Bea: [digs her heels in but literally lol 'cos fuck you will always do the opposite] Fraze: [goes & sits on the swing next to her] Bea: ['why are you so annoying sometimes?'] Fraze: [gives her a look like bitch me, why are you] Bea: ['see'] Fraze: ['All I see is you giving me grief, babe.'] Bea: [makes a pah noise, 'oh you're so grown now, get enough of that from her is it?'] Fraze: [lights another 🚬 & shrugs] Bea: [says something like 'actually such a child' under her breath] Fraze: ['if you've got something to say to me, be braver and just fucking say it'] Bea: [says it louder like happy now] Fraze: ['what's up with you today, fucking hell'] Bea: ['I dunno, why don't you ask me if I'm on next, seeing as that's as mature as you can manage'] Fraze: [makes a noise of frustration not in a sexy way lol he's so mad] Bea: ['what's the matter with you?'] Fraze: ['You used to be a laugh'] Bea: [just looking at him like what do you want me to say to that] Fraze: ['Do you not wanna be mates any more?'] Bea: ['Well you obviously don't so'] Fraze: ['Don't put words in my mouth'] Bea: ['Why would you wanna be friends with someone who ain't a laugh? You said it, don't try and backtrack now'] Fraze: ['Cut the bullshit is what I'm saying. Stop being such a bitch.'] Bea: ['Don't talk to me like that, I'm not doing anything! You came here'] Fraze: [gets up like he's gonna walk off 'And I dunno why I fucking bothered'] Bea: ['No one asked you to, did they'] Fraze: ['you don't have to ask me to make sure you're alright. Jesus. Why can't I give a shit about you anymore?'] Bea: ['Why are you so dramatic when I'm just tryna go out and have fun too, only you're allowed now?'] Fraze: ['Bullshit is this fun for you'] Bea: ['You didn't give me chance, that's why'] Fraze: [walks away like well here's your chance then] Bea: [waves dramatically like 'see you at home'] Fraze: [if you can walk angrily he's doing it & you know he's gonna hit something when he gets chance] Bea: [dread to think who you gon find you better get home miss thing also skip] Fraze: Get home now, I ain't doing this on my fucking own Bea: um Bea: ? Fraze: You ain't forgotten that we gotta watch this kid Fraze: You wish Bea: Ah Bea: shit Bea: really Fraze: Yeah really Bea: isn't Joe there too Bea: you can't Bea: take it in turns or something Fraze: Nah he ain't Fraze: It's meant to be me & you Fraze: He's got some music shit, I dunno or care Bea: alright Bea: hang on then Bea: 10 to finish up 'bout the same to get back Fraze: Where the fuck are you? Fraze: He's bawling already, like Bea: He's a baby, that's one of 4 options so try the other ones out or ignore him Bea: coming fast as I can Bea: if anyone had reminded me maybe I'd be there Fraze: Not your fucking keeper, made that clear Bea: then don't complain Bea: or need to know where I'm at Fraze: Don't start Bea: Whatever Bea: let's just get this done Fraze: I am Fraze: You're the one who ain't here Bea: Why do you always start conversations when it's too late Bea: you like being pissed off that much Bea: I can't leave any faster so stop having a go Fraze: Why do you act like such a superior, responsible bitch when you ain't Fraze: You owe me 20 minutes Bea: Whatever Bea: you can go take a dump or crywank when I get there then Bea: like it's hard Bea: he can't go anywhere Fraze: I didn't say it was hard Fraze: Don't mean I wanna be here, doing it Bea: I ain't the one who had him Bea: take it up with your mum if you fancy it Fraze: Yeah 'cause I really fancy a slap Fraze: Shut up Bea: Coulda fooled me, boy Fraze: You couldn't if you wanted to Fraze: Come back with a ladder, like Bea: 😑 Fraze: Did you eat? Fraze: Wherever the fuck you are Bea: Nah Bea: no time Fraze: I'll go for chips when you're back then Bea: Alright Bea: tah Fraze: Whatever Bea: Gracious Fraze: I'm hungry Fraze: One of us is growing still Bea: Better not Bea: you won't fit in normal people places soon Fraze: 😂 Bea: and your ma ain't gonna get you a new uniform Fraze: Have to stop going to school then Fraze: Shame Bea: 💔 Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Was gonna ask you to help me with writing up that chemistry experiment bullshit but fuck it now Bea: We may as well Bea: actually Bea: considering you'll definitely just have to go Bea: you're a boy, no one is distracted by your ankles Fraze: Alright Bea: Don't worry Bea: not asking for enthusiasm Fraze: You can ask Fraze: Don't mean I'm giving it to you Bea: Gutted Bea: 🙄 Fraze: I know Fraze: You and the teachers both Bea: Soooo cool Bea: work on your boyfriends maybe Fraze: Fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: Keep walking, Princess Bea: Who says I need to Bea: 👑 Fraze: Being carried home, yeah? Fraze: Who's the unlucky cunt doing the heavy liifting Bea: Come on Bea: trying to be funny but still got to be accurate Fraze: Who says? Fraze: Ain't started the Chemistry yet, like Bea: 'cos it ain't funny if it's blatantly untrue Bea: 🤷 Fraze: Who says I'm trying to be funny Bea: So you just wanna call me fat to be a dick Bea: Alright Bea: Have fun Fraze: Always putting words in my mouth Bea: heavy liifting Bea: there it is Fraze: I'm calling your boyfriend weak, not you fat Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Anyone who ain't a pussy could pick you up easy Bea: Why would he need to Bea: got a bike6 Fraze: 👑 Bea: you said it Fraze: I stand by it Bea: Idiot Fraze: You're the one caught in the rain, babe Bea: least he got a spare helmet Bea: could be worse Fraze: Depends who he is Bea: Doubt you know Fraze: Could be better then Bea: 'cos all your friends are peak? Fraze: 'Cause if you're trying to keep him anon he ain't shit Bea: I ain't Bea: you want a selfie or something Fraze: Not while he's driving Bea: Safety first Fraze: Don't give a fuck about anything else Fraze: Like I said, I ain't doing this on my own Fraze: So get here in one piece, like Bea: Chill out Bea: he ain't just passed Fraze: Don't mean shit Fraze: I'm a better driver & I ain't Bea: You're funny Bea: feel free to tell him when we get here Bea: wouldn't be weird at all Fraze: What do I wanna talk to that cunt for? Bea: idk Bea: you seem interested Fraze: He ain't coming in & I ain't waiting on the doorstep for you Bea: not in this rain Bea: with the kid Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the reason Bea: mhmm Bea: deny it 😜 Fraze: I just fucking did Bea: 😂 Fraze: [goes offline because dealing with Baby Rocky and not well lbr] Bea: [let us get there in that time girl so you can come help] Fraze: [throws a towel and one of his sweatshirts at her when she comes in because really raining and he's a gentleman lol] Bea: [checking her face hoping there isn't mascara everywhere] Fraze: [starts putting his coat and shoes on cos he said he'd get her chips and he meant it even though we know he doesn't have to go right this second he just don't know how to be around her rn] Bea: [just like okay and looking at Rocky like what's up with him eh, 'have you fed him yet?'] Fraze: ['yeah' isn't looking at her or anything like its not this much of a task to get ready boy we see you] Bea: [looking at the clock working out how long they gotta keep him entertained before bath and bed 'cos not gonna be that long, 'cool, you got money from your 'rents for dinner or you wanna halvesies it?'] Fraze: ['I'm good' & then goes out without saying bye or anything how rude] Bea: don't even ask me what I want, like? Fraze: like I need to Bea: Hm okay but still Fraze: What? Bea: stop being funny with me yeah Fraze: We ain't mates anymore Bea: Oh Bea: thanks for admitting it then Fraze: You admitted you didn't wanna be first Fraze: I'm just keeping up Bea: Did not Bea: You Fraze: Nah Bea: I remember Bea: you were already on it you were probably drunk Fraze: Yeah well I remember inviting you out 'cause I wanted to hang out with you & you throwing it back in my face Bea: I told you why Bea: it wasn't about you Fraze: You didn't tell me shit Fraze: You never do any more Bea: You don't listen Bea: I don't like her alright Fraze: You think you're too fucking good, just like him Fraze: It ain't about her, she weren't there Bea: Too good for who? Fraze: To hang about with me Bea: Don't be stupid Bea: when have I ever said that Fraze: Like I said, you don't say shit Bea: You mean you want me to say I am so you've got an excuse Bea: stop being a wimp and just do it Fraze: I don't need excuses, I ain't your pussy of a boyfriend Bea: I don't have a boyfriend Fraze: Don't bullshit me Bea: I don't Bea: I'm not trying to be tied down or tie down Bea: Tah Fraze: Whatever you wanna call him then Fraze: Give a fuck Bea: A random Fraze: Don't tell me that Fraze: It don't make it better Bea: What Bea: I just got a lift because it was pissing it down Fraze: You know what Bea: No Bea: I don't Fraze: Yeah you do Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: It isn't a big deal Bea: he's harmless Fraze: Jesus, Bea Bea: How can I make it any clearer it's nothing to be worried about Fraze: How can I make it any clearer that you wind me the fuck up Fraze: Forget about it Bea: well it's mutual Fraze: Yeah Bea: could've just said no Fraze: You could've said no to the lad on the bike Bea: why Bea: you said i had to be back Bea: it would've taken me ten times as long Fraze: [Comes back looking fresh to the death with that popped collar & wet look hi] Bea: [control yo 😍] Fraze: [swaps a baby for chips casually lol] Bea: [putting something baby hypnotizing on the tv and getting drinks] Fraze: [gives her look like you could literally put the godfather on what does he know but then eating cos growing boy fr] Bea: [shrugs like anything for an easy life boy] Fraze: [shrugs back] Bea: [awkward chip eating] Fraze: [at least he'd eat fast even if he's also on his phone cos popular] Bea: [Rocky grizzling 'cos getting sleepy so looking at him like ready 'cos she's not gonna be eating loads] Fraze: [okay but Fraze telling the bab a story that Joe told him when they were little during the bad times TM] Bea: [just being quiet 'cos nice moment] Fraze: [then Fraze takes him up to bed cos sleepy lil baby being uncharacteristically soft cos we know he loves them all so much really] Bea: [doing some clean up downstairs 'cos don't wanna intrude but wants to be helpful] Fraze: [comes back down and throws all his school shit on the now clean kitchen table cos chemistry calls] Bea: ['have you done any yet?] Fraze: [shakes his head cos obvious he don't know what to fucking do but gotta style it out like he don't care obvs] Bea: [sitting down and looking through it like okay let's do this] Fraze: [sneaking a look at her while she's looking at the work cos wants to] Bea: [explaining it like okay this won't take us long 'cos not a bad teacher] Fraze: [trying to listen but distracted shamelessly by the fact she's wearing his sweatshirt looking cute & they are sitting closer together than need to technically] Bea: [is like oh no I must have shit on my face like casually touching her face tryna check lowkey] Fraze: [has to look away cos trying not to smile at how fucking cute she is] Bea: [after a while doing that little exasperated laugh like 'what?'] Fraze: [a look before he can stop himself] Bea: [returning it] Fraze: [needs to look away but never will] Bea: ['I-' starts to say something but then doesn't, trying to get on with the work when so distracted] Fraze: [was casually leaning in but stops when she does] Bea: [is like i'm gonna go check on the baby like don't need to but gotta run] Fraze: [gets up to go before she can because likewise can't fucking sit here or will die] Bea: [when you have to raid the bar soz mcvickers] Fraze: [literally is up there like doing the cliche leaning against the closed bathroom door & hitting the mirror not hard enough to break it obvs but as like a why are you such a fucking idiot cos mood] Bea: he okay? Fraze: Yeah Fraze: [comes down & outside like he can just 🚬 in the pissing down rain like I know you ain't put your coat back on boy calm down] Bea: [comes out and gives him another LOOK] Fraze: [is trying to light the 🚬 but it won't obvs so he throws his lighter across the garden & swears about it because mature response and of course looks back at her even though he shouldn't] Bea: [when you just mean to pull him back inside but then you're pulling him into you and yeah] Fraze: [when you've wanted to kiss for the longest time and you finally do and its everything and you can't stop] Bea: [how overwhelming goodbye] Fraze: [literally though we might need to have mcvickers come home because no chill otherwise] Bea: [fr fr also you need to be inside in case Rocky wakes up so at least get yourself to the kitchen, when you're literally drenched #mood] Fraze: [they can kiss their way inside cos almost parallel to when they did it in the other convo to their garage room. When you shivering but it ain't cos you are cold also #mood] Bea: [taking the jumper off 'cos you know soaked to the bone but does that thing where you don't stop kissing somehow] Fraze: [lowkey sitting her on the edge of the table soz homework you gonna get wet because the height difference is real when they both standing up and can't get as close as they want but still not stopping the kissing at any point ever] Bea: [the levels of fuck you don't give even as babies we really gonna have to interrupt this 'cos no chill in telling him she wants him] Fraze: [like maybe Rocky is crying but ignoring cos priorities sorry baby boy but then they hear the car pull up and can't ignore that but also waiting until the last possible moment to stop because like you said no fucks given or chill] Bea: [when you gotta shoot upstairs 'cos you don't wanna be the one who has to explain why tf you soaked soz boy godspeed, deal with that baby gurl] Fraze: [when you're trying to clean up the blatant puddles on the floor but there's also the state of the table & no time so wtf can you do lowkey other than sweep that wet homework into your bag to worry about later and just face out the blatant state of the kitchen floor] Fraze: [at least he can blag he's soaked because he went to get chips because not a lie] Bea: [seriously sort yourself out girl 'cos no need to be that obvious] Bea: 🍀 Fraze: [Tess @ Fraze like why didn't you wear a coat you little idiot literally go upstairs & get dry so he does but you know he's just gonna go upstairs and hope they cross paths cos not scared of the danger] Fraze: Where are you? Bea: My room Fraze: [quickest put on of dry clothes in the world so he can come to her because only one with her own room we know] Bea: [just sat on her bed like hey] Fraze: [leaves the door open so he can hear if mcvickers are lurking & no shame in just picking up where they left off like boy you gotta chill] Bea: [fixing his hair which is too short to need fixing 'cos you just wanna] Fraze: [pulling her even closer to him like that's not a dangerous game, I can't even deal with either of you] Bea: [peppering in 'we should stop's with all the encouragement like okay bitch] Fraze: [he's as bad because you know he's just like on top of her on her bed right now kissing her like that's fine and they couldn't get caught any second] Bea: [again where are all the other kids, did they have a club, parents evening, who knows but don't interrupt] Fraze: [Let's say Joe comes back at least because can't be out all night like it'd make sense if Ro & Ali were like at at sleepover with ginger bitch cos creepy trio at that point & Tommy could likewise have some dance thing with Meena cos baby partners] Bea: [when you hear someone coming up the stairs and you have to jump apart like the guiltiest hoes in the world but it's just Joe going to his room so you're like do we or don't we] Fraze: [Blatantly are gonna continue but let's force a stop by having Tess calling one of them for some reason, probably Fraze for some shit he's done lol] Bea: [how to life now] Fraze: [Honestly, just imagine omg] Fraze: I don't have a girlfriend Bea: Okay Bea: what is she Fraze: If you hear her say she is, it's bullshit, like Fraze: She kissed me but I didn't Bea: Alright Bea: I believe you over her so Fraze: You have to Fraze: I don't want her Bea: fucking promise Fraze: I swear Fraze: I'll tell her Fraze: I'll tell everyone Fraze: & I'll show you Bea: I believe you Bea: you want me Bea: don't you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Bunk off with me tomorrow Bea: Yeah Bea: alright Fraze: Alright Bea: nothing happened Bea: with that lad Fraze: I believe you Fraze: I still wanna fuck him up though Bea: He's irrelevant Bea: you know what I was doing anyway Fraze: Same I was Bea: Yeah? Fraze: I don't like her but I liked that you were jealous of her Bea: Dick Fraze: You'd love it if I beat up bike boy Fraze: Come on Bea: Bet you couldn't anyway Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: You know I can Bea: Maybe Fraze: Nah Bea: well you don't need to Bea: focus on me Fraze: I can do both Fraze: Not gonna take long to fight him Bea: Come on Fraze: What? Bea: already pissed off everyone came and stopped us Bea: don't wanna waste time Fraze: I'm not gonna go find him now, like Fraze: Or tomorrow Fraze: That's a full day of no other cunts about, just me & you Bea: feels like ages since we did that Fraze: 'Cause it has been Bea: Yeah Bea: we've gotta be careful Fraze: You can still get top marks if you don't have perfect attendance, babe Bea: 😏 not what I meant Fraze: I know Fraze: But we ain't that fucking stupid Bea: nah Bea: I'm glad we're talking again Bea: properly Fraze: Me too Fraze: I didn't mean all the cunty shit I said Fraze: You know that, yeah? Bea: I know Bea: it don't matter Bea: we were both as bad Fraze: Yeah but we gotta clear the air Fraze: I ain't wanted you this long to let it get fucked up Bea: It won't Bea: but alright Bea: what do you wanna say Bea: or know Bea: idk Fraze: Just that I'm sorry Fraze: Not just Bea: you're allowed to get with other girls Bea: if you want Bea: but I can't not be jealous Fraze: I don't Bea: You know there's nothing they can do that I can't do better yeah Fraze: Yeah I know you're better than them Fraze: Not only like that though Bea: Don't need to sweet-talk me Fraze: It's not Fraze: You don't need me to tell you that you're smart & still are a laugh & not full of shit Fraze: But you asked me what I wanted to say Bea: I wish tomorrow was now Fraze: If you can stay up I'll come back when everyone's asleep Fraze: It'll be late enough to count as tomorrow Bea: what happened to being careful then Fraze: Who don't you trust, me or you? Bea: 😏 Bea: shut up Bea: I'll be awake Fraze: & I'll be careful Bea: Fraze Fraze: Yeah? Bea: Have you got things for tomorrow Bea: condoms Fraze: 'Course Fraze: School's always chucking 'em at us Fraze: Cheers Da for not making us go Catholic Bea: 😂 Bea: Good Fraze: Anything else you want? Fraze: Got a whole day to kill, like Bea: Just you Fraze: Bea Bea: Yeah? Fraze: You have me now Bea: I've wanted to hear that for a long time Fraze: I've wanted it to be true for a long time Bea: I can't stop thinking about you Fraze: Don't Fraze: 'Cause I think about you all the time Bea: It's so Bea: distracting Fraze: I ain't saying sorry Bea: I don't want you to Bea: I want you to be missing me as much as I miss you right now though Fraze: Tell me how much Fraze: I'll give it my best shot Bea: I don't know what to do with myself now Bea: I can't sleep but I can't do anything productive Fraze: Keep thinking about me Fraze: That'll be well productive Bea: One word for it Bea: you want me to Fraze: I don't want you to stop thinking about me, like ever Bea: Give it my best shot Bea: 😜 Fraze: Good Bea: You know I think about you Fraze: Yeah but thinking I'm an idiot don't count Bea: That's only like Bea: half the time Fraze: 😂 Fraze: I reckon I can change those figures Fraze: Decent odds at it now Bea: Not gonna say no if you think you're up to the challenge Fraze: What challenge? Fraze: You want me, you told me Bea: Alright, rude Bea: can change my mind, you know Fraze: You won't Fraze: I want you & I'll show you, like I said Bea: have you done it before Fraze: With who? I already told you, you're better than them Bea: I just wanted to know Fraze: You heard when a girl kissed me but you reckon you'd not know that Bea: I don't know Bea: doesn't bode well for how sneaky you can be Bea: does it Fraze: Weren't trying to be then Bea: Yeah you were trying to make me jealous Bea: 😒 Fraze: Exactly Bea: Did you really have to do that Fraze: Would you have kissed me if she didn't? Bea: Maybe not today Fraze: Then I did have to Bea: I just remembered how it was when we were little Bea: if I got in shit then Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: We'll be careful Bea: Where we gonna go Bea: you're mum will be in won't she Fraze: Yeah but Shane's ma ain't & I know where the spare key is Fraze: We can go to his Bea: Good idea Bea: glad he's got some use Fraze: 😂 Bea: not gonna have a thank you note or anything but Fraze: You don't like any of my mates, do you? Bea: Well Bea: they're alright Bea: some of 'em Fraze: Gimme a list of the alright ones & I'll keep you away from 'em before I get jealous Bea: 😂 Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: I ain't Bea: not my fault you're so fucking cute Fraze: 😏 Bea: Come be cute here soon okay Bea: you're taking the piss not me Fraze: It ain't my fault Joe won't go the fuck to sleep Fraze: He's taking the piss, not me Bea: He'll be up half the night probably Bea: 😒 Fraze: Fuck that Fraze: I'll batter him Bea: Least that ain't out of character Bea: no one's gonna question that like Fraze: Come downstairs Fraze: Nobody can question us getting a drink at the same time Bea: [does, probably looking cute in PJs] Fraze: [likewise cos you know he's topless but rocking them pj bottoms #mood] Bea: [we all know] Fraze: [puts her on the counter instead of the table this time because gotta just make mems everywhere] Bea: [shh kiddos] Fraze: [casual stealth kissing] Bea: [one of yous is gonna have to find chill] Fraze: [let's have Rocky cry for a throwback & to remind them that Mcvickers exist lol] Bea: [smiling bit sad like well that's the end of that then, 'you go up first'] Fraze: [gives her the best final kiss first because that bitch but then yeah you gotta go boy] Bea: [when the curse of wanting to say ily is back with a vengeance lmao] Bea: You're good at that Bea: don't waste it on anyone else yeah Fraze: I won't Fraze: You're not gonna either, are you? Bea: No Bea: why would I Fraze: I dunno Fraze: 'Cause you could Fraze: You're fucking hot, you know Bea: So are you Bea: I'm not interested in anyone else right now Fraze: Me either Bea: 👍 Fraze: 😂 Fraze: You speechless, yeah? Bea: You wish Fraze: Nah Fraze: Like we said, I'm glad we're talking again Bea: Good Bea: it's hard to ignore you Bea: not just 'cos we live in the same house Fraze: It was hard to ignore you when we didn't Fraze: You know, like Fraze: That shit from when we were kids Fraze: It weren't your fault Bea: Whatever Bea: don't matter Fraze: Yeah it does Fraze: I didn't even like girls & I liked you Bea: so special yeah Fraze: Maybe Bea: don't chat shit Fraze: Alright then yeah Fraze: I wanna be with you, don't I? Fraze: Not none of the rest Bea: we don't need to talk about it Bea: or put a label on it Bea: can't tell anyone anyway yeah Fraze: You mean you don't wanna Fraze: You already said you ain't looking to be tied down or tie down Bea: no Bea: I mean what I said Bea: you know that Fraze: Whatever Bea: Don't be moody Bea: I still want you too Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sure? Fraze: If you want me to be in a mood, keep going Bea: Come on Bea: be my friend 😉 Fraze: Be mine Bea: I am Bea: your best friend Fraze: Yeah Bea: You're mine too Fraze: Keep it like that Fraze: You don't need any new friends even if you reckon you need a lift Bea: He ain't my friend Fraze: Good Bea: Fraze Fraze: What? Bea: it's really hard to stop Fraze: What do you mean? Bea: I mean Bea: I just want more Fraze: Well, that ain't no problem Bea: It can be Fraze: Nah, not for us Bea: yeah Bea: okay then Bea: you do want to Bea: I didn't ask Bea: I just Fraze: 'Cause you don't need to ask Fraze: Why wouldn't I? Bea: idk Bea: you might not be ready to go all the way Fraze: Don't get dramatic Fraze: It's not a big deal, like Bea: Can be Bea: some people Bea: but alright then Fraze: I'm not a fucking girl Bea: didn't say you were Bea: not only girls care about this shit Fraze: Lads don't Bea: says who Fraze: Everyone Bea: I bet most of your mates are still virgins so Fraze: 'Cause they can't talk any girls into it Bea: you think that's what's happened here Fraze: I'm not talking about them, not us Bea: I'll see you later Fraze: Don't Bea: I just don't wanna chat about this Fraze: You started it Fraze: What you wanna talk me out of it for? Bea: I was making sure Bea: it's what you're meant to do Fraze: You know I am Bea: then there's nothing else that needs saying Fraze: I ain't scared of anything Fraze: There's that, if you've forgotten Bea: you don't have to prove shit to me Fraze: No I fucking don't Bea: Why are you angry at me Fraze: Why are you treating me like some kind of pussy all of a sudden? Bea: I ain't Bea: that's how you've decided to take it Bea: which is more ridiculous Fraze: How else am I meant to take it? Bea: that I give a shit about how you feel Bea: won't bother from now on though Fraze: Then listen to me Fraze: Jesus Bea: I have Bea: fucking hell Fraze: Do you not want to Fraze: 'Cause that's how it's starting to sound Bea: No Bea: I told you I do Fraze: Alright Fraze: Then stop trying to have a domestic with me Bea: I said shut up Bea: just come when he's asleep Fraze: I am Bea: 👍 Fraze: Don't fall asleep before he does Bea: 😑 I'm not gonna am I Bea: wake me up anyway Fraze: Knowing you, you'll start doing your homework or some shit Bea: meant to be doing yours Bea: actually Fraze: Fucked until it dries out though Bea: you're so devvo, I'm sure 😏 Fraze: 'Course Bea: Maybe I'll make you do it tomorrow Bea: 😂 Fraze: Maybe I'll make you forget you said that Fraze: Fucking hope so Bea: Ha Bea: me too Fraze: These days you're such a swot though Fraze: Only so much I can do Bea: Piss off Bea: just 'cos I'm smart Fraze: Exactly why you don't need to be such a fucking stresshead about it Bea: just 'cos I get my work done don't mean I stress Fraze: When you won't come out 'cause you've got work that's stressing Bea: I wouldn't come out 'cos she was there, stupid Fraze: That ain't the only time you've said no Bea: Well Bea: gotta do it some time Bea: I thought you just wanted to be with your mates too Fraze: You're my mate Fraze: Best, so you said Bea: I am Fraze: Then why wouldn't I wanna hang around with you? Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: Alright Bea: maybe they don't Fraze: Give a shit Fraze: They can fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: 😂 Bea: we can do whatever we want tomorrow Fraze: Yeah Fraze: & any other day, like Fraze: You're the one who gives a shit about school Bea: well gotta go in sometimes Fraze: Nah, the teachers love it when I ain't there Bea: Your mum wouldn't though Fraze: She's got her hands full with the new one Fraze: Can do what I want Bea: test that theory Fraze: I'm about to Bea: Yeah? Bea: Better be coming here or rude Fraze: [Finally shows up fucks sake Joe also how low key triggering to have someone creep into your room in the middle of the night soz Bea] Bea: [but it's cool 'cos you been impatiently waiting so you very ready and here for it] Fraze: [Dread to think what time it is, Joe you cockblock] Bea: [whispering obvs 'you were ages'] Fraze: ['Give Joe a beating in the morning if you like'] Bea: ['Maybe I will...Or you could save him and make me feel better now'] Fraze: [kisses her like its been a thousand years since he last did instead of however long] Bea: [just pushing him down on the bed like that ain't a dangerous game] Fraze: [At least he's quiet unlike his future son so one less thing to worry about] Bea: ['I can't wait for tomorrow..it's been so long coming'] Fraze: [Nods cos ain't that the truth but despite what you said you are lowkey nervous cos the love is real & you want it to be good] Bea: [tilts his head for eye contact and gives him a softer-starting kiss] Fraze: [When you're ruined by the softness so you gotta go harder because who is he if not someone who hides behind being a cocky little shit] Bea: [goes with it] Fraze: [When you've never touched a girl in a sexy way before but enthusiasm and bravado are your friends] Bea: [do what feels good lads] Fraze: [Thank god he was friends with much older lads as a tiny boy, inappropriate as that was 'cause heard & saw some shit that'll help him now] Fraze: [All those times at the playground with the teens, oh god bless baby baze] Bea: [when you know a lot but trying to tone it down for all the reasons] Fraze: [Yeah making him feel awkward isn't a good idea even though it's okay you're a virgin boy you're young af, lowkey am gonna have to help him though cos he don't know as much as he thinks he knows lbr] Bea: [moving him where he needs to be and making the right noises of encouragement, quietly though please] Fraze: [Very tactful babe, well played, you've earned yourself a turned on gasp from him for your efforts] Bea: [looking at him like 'good, I know'] Fraze: [some good eye contact] Bea: ['Fuck'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [tries to say 'shut up' but you know don't clearly] Fraze: [kisses her cos they obvs both need to be quiet even if they don't wanna] Bea: [when you gotta bite your lip really hard] Fraze: [when bae looks really hot doing that so you're just like damn] Bea: [up in his ear like 'tomorrow we can be as loud as we want'] Fraze: [his turn to say fuck] Bea: [puts her finger to his lips like shh] Fraze: [such a look because stop being so hot thank you but also don't] Bea: [bringing out some of your knowledge 'cos not tryna be a dead fish either tah] Fraze: [Least some good can come out of how sad that makes me to think about, excuse me Bea: [ily curse] Fraze: [literally same though, you know I ain't gonna be able to stop him for long] Bea: [when you have to stop 'cos hear someone on the landing like hold up] Fraze: [hold your breath and freeze lads] Bea: [try not to be too frustrated and fail] Fraze: [the way he'd be looking at her wouldn't help soz babe] Bea: [just moving slowly like this'll be fine] Fraze: [when you should give a shit but you clearly don't, oh you two never change] Fraze: [okay but giving her little kisses because they are soft and don't make a sound goodbye] Bea: [being like oh 'cos intimacy what] Fraze: [literally nearly said it shhh] Bea: ['you're so'] Fraze: [looks at her like finish that sentence thank you] Bea: [teases him longer than necessary like 😏] Fraze: [When you lowkey forget that you have to be quiet because you're going hard so that she'll tell you/give you another compliment/make a sound thats so hot you don't mind that she didn't finish her sentence] Bea: [When his back is gonna be scratched to fuck 'cos you gotta hold in how loud you need to be, 'good, you're so fucking good'] Fraze: [When you can't even be smug cos so into all of this rn that how to do life tbh] Bea: [when you start going some 'cos how much more can either of you take lbr] Fraze: [seriously though] Bea: [hope whoever has gone back to bed bye] Fraze: [I'm loling because this is day 1 like how long are you gonna keep this under wraps for lads] Bea: [when you keep kissing 'cos you don't want him to go but gotta] Fraze: [when you wanna stay but you don't know how to be like yeah let's just fall asleep together snuggling bye so you're just kissing her back and holding onto her nbd] Bea: [when you have to stop eventually or you're just gonna start again so you're just looking up at him] Fraze: [When this is the one time you have to look away first because you're gonna fucking say it if you don't so its like the slowest and most ridiculous song and dance of almost leaving ever like boy you ain't gonna put on shoes and a coat we can't string this out forever] Bea: [just there with nothing to do casually like get your PJs back on properly, fix your hair, 'night, Fraze'] Fraze: [off he goes without saying anything how rude but we know its cos he dare not] Bea: I know it was good Bea: don't try and pretend Fraze: I ain't pretending nothing Bea: you didn't say nothing Fraze: Being quiet weren't I Bea: I managed still Fraze: Yeah alright Bea: just don't be weird Fraze: I ain't being anything Bea: alright Fraze: Not gonna be like 'well cheers then' am I, that'd be weird Bea: obviously not 🙄 weirdo Bea: gave you an easy out why didn't you just say night back Fraze: 'Cause I don't wanna say goodnight Bea: okay then Fraze: I don't wanna just go to sleep like that didn't happen Bea: what do you wanna do Fraze: Come & have a 🚬 with me, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: you got 1? Bea: I might have but only emergency 1 Fraze: Got loads for tomorrow Fraze: Today now, like Bea: Can use 'em to count Bea: See you out there Bea: I need to freshen up Fraze: Don't be ages Bea: not gonna put on a full face of makeup Bea: just sort this mess slightly tah Fraze: You don't look a mess Bea: Well, a bit Bea: but that's your fault Fraze: I'm in a worse state but you don't hear me saying anything Fraze: Come on Fraze: It looks like it's gonna piss down again Bea: Yeah, that was my point 😜 Bea: you better have put a top on Fraze: I've put my dressing gown on, so you can stop swooning over me, like Bea: 😂 oh shut up Fraze: Make me, babe Fraze: If you ever get enough of a move on Bea: You wish we could Bea: I'm coming, bloody hell Bea: so impatient Fraze: You've had all my patience before now Fraze: & it didn't get me what I wanted Bea: so that's that fucked forever is it Bea: good to know Fraze: I'm waiting on you now, ain't I? Bea: You're cute Fraze: You made it obvious you reckon so Bea: Know you ain't mad about it Fraze: Didn't say I was Bea: Be an idiot if you was Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [intense eye contact ftw & forever but this time over the 🚬 as he puts it in her mouth & lights it, so intimate excuse you boy] Bea: [dying so you just gotta smoke and nod your thanks like] Fraze: [When you shrug but the look of love you're giving her betrays you as not casual lol] Bea: [giving it back so we're all good, going to sit down on whatever patio furniture they're rocking but it's cold and wet so mistake] Fraze: [Lols cos she's so cute sorry bout it] Bea: [when you're pouty but not mad mad 'what happened to being quiet then?'] Fraze: [Picks her up and does the thing where she's also wrapped in the dressing gown so they both are because she's smol and shameless excuse to do a hug obvs and also not answer because did not mean to break the silence especially not first] Bea: [Snuggle pause] Fraze: [When you don't ever wanna put her down or let her go so you give her kisses so you don't have to] Bea: [just enjoy it you cute kids] Fraze: [just making out with the love of your life in the garden in the middle of the night nbd] Bea: [only stopping to give him the cigarette like don't forget but 😏 'cos you both know that ain't why you're out there] Fraze: [When you end up lowkey fucking the bae with your clothes on because that's why you ain't gone in yet shamelessly but because you ain't you can't be taking your clothes off here & now even though that's all you wanna do. At least PJs aren't a total cockblock unlike if you were both wearing jeans or some nonsense which would just be frustrating instead of good] Bea: [yay for getting to be a bit louder 'cos you should all be in bed neighbours] Fraze: [still not as loud as you want but you're welcome girl] Bea: ['How did you-' when you'd be used to the stamina of old creeps and lbr that's the only blessing there] Fraze: [Telling her how hot she is etc because that's true and a nicer answer than being like well I'm young af I only need a minute] Bea: [leaving it there like okay] Fraze: [Literally wanna say ILY what can I say instead send help] Bea: ['I'll miss you' talking about going to bed obvs] Fraze: ['You don't have to' when you feeling brave enough to hint that you wanna stay RIP] Bea: ['you know you'd have to get up in a few hours now, the baby wakes them up at the crack of dawn so' sad shrug] Fraze: [Gives her a look like yeah and what cos living that life rn where he believes there ain't nothing he can't do, bless you bab. 'If you want me to, I will' see what you did there boy acting like its not what you want haha] Bea: [thinking, 'not like either of us is getting much sleep now, still have to pretend to go to school so' more shrugging] Fraze: [shrugs back because oh so casual obvs lol] Bea: ['if you wanna, like'] Fraze: [when you smile before you can stop yourself/realise you have cos you just happy about it] Bea: [smiles back like sorted then] Fraze: [does the handshake from when they were little, remember when] Bea: [but finishes it with a smooch 'cos] Fraze: [Leads her back inside by the sleeve because girl you better have some kind of coat or jacket on my dad would be screaming] Bea: [cuteness ensues] Fraze: [Imagine how unreal this would all feel though like] Bea: [just touching him all the time like you're really there] Fraze: [couldn't get any closer to her if he tried though so its okay] Bea: ['do you feel any different or do you reckon that's just bollocks?'] Fraze: [When you wanna say you feel happier but you're such a stereotypical teenage lad how can you talk about your feelings like that so you just shrug] Bea: [looks at him like lol good chat babe and turns to get comfy] Fraze: [snuggles her because that's the real communication here] Bea: [let's just appreciate for a sec] Fraze: [it's soft time & I'm here for it thank you] Bea: [gonna be so knackered lmao] Fraze: [gonna have to drink so much shit instant coffee tomorrow, not a mood] Fraze: [At least they ain't going to school they'd actually be falling asleep] Bea: [you know she'd wake up before him and be ready even though could probably have another hour or two of sleep once he's back in his own room 'cos Rocky be up at about 5 and it's not like you need to start getting ready for School 'til like 7/8 tbh 'cos she's just that put together bitch, nudging him like hey sleepyhead] Fraze: [Let's not think about how cute he'd look half asleep goodbye] Bea: ['you gotta run'] Fraze: [Does because even sleepy he's not stupid and not trying to get caught but before he goes a little peck goodbye like the cliche when a dude is going to work and kisses his missus because seen that and copying it] Bea: You're a nerd Fraze: Bet you're doing homework as you try and take the piss out of me Bea: You're still a loser 😘 Fraze: And you're still impressed by me, babe Bea: Impressed isn't the word I'd go for Fraze: Should be Bea: Oh really Fraze: Yeah Bea: Hmm Bea: well keep trying Fraze: Fuck off, I don't need to try Bea: 🤷 Bea: Go back to sleep then, can get at least an hour or 2 Fraze: Alright Fraze: Don't miss me too much, like Bea: Do my best Fraze: Good Bea: 😏 Bea: you did look cute though Fraze: Don't be watching me sleep Bea: Shut up Bea: like you'd know Bea: constant audience Bea: you know you like me more than both of 'em Fraze: I like you more than anyone Fraze: It don't mean you can take liberties Bea: Don't worry, I'm not planning on it Bea: might get distracted by Joe like Fraze: Shut up Bea: You Fraze: You ain't allowed to like him Bea: Why not Fraze: Loads of reasons Fraze: So don't Bea: I don't Bea: but I could if I wanted to Fraze: [Doesn't answer because fuming about this] Bea: You fallen asleep? Fraze: Yeah Bea: 👍 Bea: Alright Fraze: See you at breakfast, like Bea: yep Fraze: Alright Fraze: Good morning then Bea: Don't say it Fraze: What? Bea: you didn't wanna say it last night Bea: so don't say it now Fraze: Whatever Bea: Fine Bea: Bye Fraze: Just forget I said it Bea: why Fraze: 'Cause I didn't mean to Bea: Yeah you did you're in a mood Fraze: Don't Bea: You don't Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: I told you I don't fancy Joe, don't be ridiculous Fraze: & I said shut up Bea: I've not said anything wrong Bea: but fine Fraze: I ain't talking about him no more Bea: not like he's my favourite topic of conversation Fraze: Stop fucking bringing him up then Bea: this is fucking ridiculous Fraze: You started it Bea: How am I meant to ignore him he lives here too Fraze: Do what you want Bea: not if you're gonna be mad with me about it Fraze: I'm not mad at you Bea: who then Fraze: Me Fraze: I just can't think about you with anyone else Bea: I told you I don't want anyone else Bea: it was just a stupid joke Fraze: I fucking know that Bea: I'm sorry Bea: alright Fraze: Don't Bea: What, I can't say sorry Bea: it was dumb Fraze: Not for this shit Fraze: I got wound up, that's on me Bea: we alright? Fraze: Are you gonna forgive me for being such a cunt? Bea: You ain't Bea: and you aren't Bea: so yeah Fraze: You know it's 'cause I like you, yeah? Bea: I like you too Fraze: I'll make it up to you Fraze: I swear Bea: I like you Bea: cunt or nah Bea: remember Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: Point is, I wanna keep it like that Fraze: & have a good time Fraze: Not a day you're dreading, like Bea: I'm not Bea: swear, not gonna make it weird Bea: just have fun Fraze: Fuck it then Fraze: I'm getting coffee Fraze: You want a cup? Bea: Yeah please Fraze: Meet me in the kitchen for a trial run of acting like you hate me or whatever Fraze: Loads of past experience to draw from Bea: 😂 Bea: it was never hate, drama queen Bea: but yeah, I've got this Fraze: I know that but this family don't Bea: I'm not gonna come down and kiss you, it's fine Fraze: Shame Fraze: But alright Bea: Take it up with the fam, not me Fraze: Wouldn't be the first time I kicked off before breakfast Bea: If you can think of a decent excuse you're less tired than me Fraze: I don't need one Fraze: I'm a McKenna, end of Bea: 🙄😏 Bea: can't say it doesn't work Fraze: I've never had a bad idea, babe Fraze: Come on Bea: ha Bea: you've had plenty but I always sve your ass from trouble Fraze: See? Have to keep hold of you Fraze: Need you, don't I? Bea: Yeah, you do Fraze: You're smart, think of a reason we've gotta go to school early, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: coffee me first Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [gives her the mug with a kiss because nobody about yet even though you know they could appear at any point, like] Bea: [obvs kisses back and is happy but then does a fake 'fuck you' look 'cos practising] Fraze: [gives her a look back obvs but then kisses her again cos no fucks given about the danger] Bea: [when you sit ON the table to be like remember when with that eyebrow raise and sipping your coffee] Fraze: [gives her a very different look but because I'm evil before he can do anything Tess Vickers TM comes in with baby Rocky but like is lowkey so sleep deprived she don't even notice them straight away and gotta do that mum double take like oh] Bea: [hop off that table bitch and start explaining your excuses for why you gotta go school early, she knows Tess ain't gonna be #invested so as long as it's boring and semi-believable, probably like helping with some breakfast club, her for looking good on a uni app, him 'cos gotta for detention vibe maybe] Fraze: [when you already annoyed cos your ma cockblocked your table moment and then she shoves your baby brother at you for a sec cos you say that's the reason you're awake #believable gang & then she makes a joke about coffee stunting your growth cos toll boy & such a mum haha but then you cheer up cos the bae comes through with a good lie, not that you're gonna show it] Bea: [when you're just smirky 'cos heheh got away with it] Fraze: Either that coffee kicked in proper quick or you didn't really need it Bea: You can tell me how smart I am on here Bea: no one will know Fraze: [Baby in one hand, phone in the other, what a mood & a look lol] Fraze: Maybe I wanna say it to your face Bea: Won't have to wait too long Bea: thanks to my genius 😜 Fraze: It's still gonna feel like ages Bea: just be thankful the little ones aren't here Bea: be even worse Fraze: Believe me, I fucking am Bea: Shame that one's not old enough to ship off either but you know Bea: [comes over and squishes baby Rocky's cheeks] Fraze: It's alright, he won't say shit Fraze: [Kisses her again like see and also because any second alone is a chance he's gonna take shamelessly] Bea: [just looking at him like you're crazy boy] Fraze: Get back on the table, I'll be like less than a minute Fraze: [Takes Rocky away like you don't need to see this bab] Bea: Aw, don't do yourself down like that, babe Fraze: Shut up, not what I meant Fraze: [Comes back & gives her a look like obviously what I meant thank you] Bea: [when you can't argue with that look] Fraze: [the sneaky tabletop make out we all deserve] Bea: ['when's the earliest we can leave, realistically?'] Fraze: ['Fuck it, I'll get ready & let's just go' cos he shamelessly has just been fucking around this whole time like sort your shit boy] Bea: [nods like alright, 'sadly I can't come with so, be quick, yeah?'] Fraze: [I love that she felt the need to say that cos we all know he's a boy that takes ages normally lol so gonna take that on board slightly but still gonna take a while cos that bitch. At least they won't be leaving suspiciously early by the time he's done fucking around] Bea: how do you even take so long Bea: you've not got hair to style, you don't wear make up Fraze: Do you want me to look good for you or nah? Bea: You always look good Fraze: You're only telling me that 'cause you want me to hurry the fuck up Bea: So negative Bea: Usually happy to take a compliment Fraze: Give me one when you ain't waiting on me & I'll have it Bea: Babe Fraze: Yeah? Bea: it's so impressive how you can turn anything and everything into a fight Bea: how's that for a real compliment Fraze: Cheers Fraze: Do my best Bea: Well you're the best at it Bea: no doubt about that Fraze: Like I said, everything's a fight Fraze: Gotta be ready for it Bea: Then I shouldn't even bother being nice to you Fraze: I told you, do what you want Bea: Well I might wanna be nice to you Bea: but if you don't believe that then Fraze: If you wanna then do it, that's literally what I'm saying Bea: Lord Bea: I'll be outside Fraze: Babe Fraze: Don't be mad about it Bea: I ain't Bea: I just Bea: nah, idk Fraze: Tell me Bea: You don't have to be like that with me Bea: I thought you knew that Fraze: I do Fraze: But there's not a switch for it, like Bea: Yeah Bea: that makes sense Fraze: I'm sorry, you know Bea: Forget I said it, but actually Bea: not passive aggressive bullshit Bea: nothing's that easy, I know that Fraze: I don't wanna Fraze: I want it to be that easy Bea: I know Bea: just know that Bea: I'm never going to fight you for real Bea: because I could never hate you Fraze: You should know that you do make me feel different Fraze: No bullshit Bea: we've got each other's backs Bea: yeah Bea: always have, it's not got to be weird or new just 'cos Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Nothing's changed Fraze: I meant what I said, I liked you before I even gave a shit about other girls Fraze: & I ain't gonna be a better person 'cause I can't that's bullshit, but I don't have to be the same cunt I am with everybody else Fraze: 'Cause you're better than them, I already said it Bea: I know Bea: we aren't just doing this because Bea: all the reasons people can think of that we shouldn't Bea: I wanted to be with you then, I still do but more Bea: and I don't want you to be a better person Bea: We're fucked up together yeah Fraze: I ain't never shared my lunch with any other fucker Fraze: I made my mind up then so people can think what they want Fraze: Nobody's taking you away from me Fraze: It's always been me & you Bea: Yeah Bea: I feel it too Fraze: [Finally appears and makes a come on gesture] Bea: [when your 😍 are huge like 'scuse me fam nothing to see here] Fraze: [when you basically running so you can be out of sight of everyone not soz bye fam] Bea: [when you basically have to jump him to initiate a kiss as soon as you can] Fraze: [when you literally don't give a fuck that any of the neighbours might see you because nobody else exists rn again not soz] Bea: [when you keep saying 'me and you' between kisses 'cos basically ily but not] Fraze: [adding the always in because real & such a declaration but one he can get away with] Bea: [hope it ain't raining today 'cos you got time to kill 'fore you can shamelessly use your friend's house, not that they care lbr] Fraze: [Let's imagine one of the neighbour's fences has a loose panel that they can fit through that he obvs knows about cos sneaky bitch who's been in there before so they can have a bit of privacy until they have somewhere to go] Bea: [just joking like 'this is where you bring all your bitches, yeah?'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [cuffs his head but she'd really have to reach lmao] Fraze: [lols and picks her up like if you wanna have another go] Bea: [aggressive kissing] Fraze: [obvs into it] Bea: [when you debating on giving him hickeys but probs not so stick to biting his lips like] Fraze: [like you can as long as he don't give you any as well lol 'cause not subtle] Bea: [when you're insatiable] Fraze: [Can't even shade because I can't even imagine wanting something for as long as they have and yet still being so young and dramatic] Bea: [we know how this day gonna go can probably leave 'em to it Fraze: [True cos we all know what's up and this is gonna be long anyway]

[inevitably-johnlocked]

In Which Sherlock Tries a Different Way To Cope With His Issues and John Finds Out About It

Hey so here it is, the fanfic I asked you (anonymously) if you wanted to read. The one where I project my issues onto fictional characters.  Wasn’t sure if I was gonna send it/post it/allow it to be seen by other humans because it’s sort of…personal, i guess. Um. Is there any way to put it under a read more? 

Anyway, here we go. Trigger warning for self harm.

(Submitted By Anonymous, story under cut)

Hi Nonny! As requested, I did put it under a read more, and I hope it’s okay if I did some grammar corrections... I can’t help myself LOL. 

As an aside, it’s a good ficlet, and I commend you for being brave to share what seems to be a real life experience through the eyes of the characters. The fic is worryingly detailed, though, Nonny, and I really hope that you are okay, and that you are seeking professional help if you need it. Remember: you are important and loved just as much as the next person, and I would hate for you to be self harming. HOWEVER, I do know that a lot of people write fics based on their past as a coping mechanism, and as a way to heal and to share their stories of their life, and to educate other people.

I love you Nonny, and I would be sad the see you hurt yourself. Please, for everyone, if you can’t get mental health support, 7Cups has been rec’d to me a lot as a “right now” solution until you can get to your therapist. PLEASE, you are all so beautiful, and you ARE worth something to me.

Story is under the read more, to everyone else: HEAVY TW for Self Harm (particularly cutting), blood, depression, drugs and mental health issues.

                It definitely hurt. He could feel it every time, but that was okay—that was part of the appeal, part of how it worked. How does it work?

                The body releases endorphins when it’s hurt, as a sort of natural painkiller, gives you a sort of biological high.

                It’s calming, watching blood, deep red and so warm, drip, drip, drip down your arm, off your fingertips, splatter against the stark white tile. Your hands shaking, feeling the heat rising out of your body when everything else seems so cold, reminding you of how alive you are in this frosty, unforgiving world.

                It makes you feel powerful and in control—to see the damage you can cause, the marks you can carve into your skin, a permanent reminder of the chaos inside you.

                The preparation, the clean-up, the act itself, it’s a distraction; the physical pain drowns out the tightness in your chest, the empty blackness clawing at your stomach, the weight that presses on your lungs, threatening to suffocate you—

                It lets everything out, everything you’ve been shoving into the deepest, darkest corners of your mind, the things you can’t bear to face in the light of day, finally freed from the prison of your flesh, eating away at your insides, things now washing down the drain in a swirl of rusty red water.

                Who knows why it works. But it does. It makes everything more bearable, for a time at least, and it stops the never-ending, uncontrollable swirl of thoughts, the ones that won’t go away no matter what you try, and it reminds you that you’re real; that you’re human. It brings you back to reality and takes you away at the same time. It’s as close as I can get to being able to turn off my head. And God, how I wish I could turn off my head.

                Of course, he’d never be able to articulate any of that. He wasn’t expecting to have to, either—no one has to know—but then came a sound, a sound that sent his heart racing into overdrive, that caused his stomach to plummet to the ground, that made his hands shake and his breathing catch—

                A knock on the bathroom door.

                A voice, John’s voice: “Sherlock? You in there?”

                  He’d been acting strange lately. (Okay, so he always acted strange, but this was beyond normal, even for him.) Always so twitchy, avoiding John’s casual questions, and the way he held his arms was off. Elbows bent. Didn’t let anyone touch them. Never rolled up his sleeves. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, John’s mind immediately went to drugs. And so he waited, deciding when to confront him.

                “So when were you going to tell me about it?”

                John had him cornered, as he walked out of the bathroom in his robe and pajamas. Sherlock tried to push past him, but John grabbed him by the bicep, forced his friend to face him. “Well? How long have you been back on?”

                “On what?” Sherlock asked innocently.

                “You know what. Drugs, Sherlock. Mycroft is going to want a list.”

                “I’m not on drugs, John,” Sherlock said scathingly. “Now would you please let me by? I have an experiment I need to work on.” He tried again to walk away, down the hallway, but John wasn’t letting go.

                “I’m not an idiot, Sherlock. For God’s sake, I’m a bloody doctor. And I’m your best friend. I know when you’re not acting right,” John replied. He knew he shouldn’t be angry, but he just couldn’t understand why Sherlock kept pulling this.

                A pause, and then, more gently this time, “Sherlock, we’ve been through this before. You should’ve come talk to me—or Molly, or Lestrade, or hell, even Mycroft—anybody, really.”

                “John, I appreciate the concern, but you’ve miscalculated the situation. Now, would you please let me go?” Sherlock’s tone was clipped, like he was trying to keep it light but having difficulty.

                “Miscalculated, have I? Then I guess you won’t mind me checking?” And before Sherlock had time to react, John grabbed him by his wrist, flipped it over, shoved up the sleeve of his dressing gown, and—

                “Jesus Christ.”

                It was barely a breath, an echo of quiet, whispered shock. He had been expecting track marks. He had been expecting drugs.

                He hadn’t been expecting this.

                Sherlock looked at the ground, smiled sheepishly. “It’s not as good as drugs, but I made a promise to avoid those.”

                John was still staring at Sherlock’s arm.

                It was crisscrossed with thick red slashes, some weeks old, others still bleeding. John withdrew his hand, now sticky with blood, looking shocked.  He looked at Sherlock, disbelief and horror crossing his face before being replaced by a sort of resigned calmness as he regained his composure. “Show me the other one.”

                Sherlock wordlessly held out his arm. John pushed up the sleeve, saw more cuts, and shook his head, looking away.

                “Christ, Sherlock, what the hell were thinking?”

                “I told you,” Sherlock explained, “it’s like drugs. It heightens my thought process.”

                John shook his head again, clearly not believing Sherlock, but apparently thinking it useless to argue with him. “Okay, well…” John looked around the hallway, clearly trying to figure out what to do. He had been prepared to argue, prepared to search all of Sherlock’s usual hiding places, but not to stitch up his friend’s arms, to run through his mind everything in the flat everything that could be used as a razor blade. There were a lot of things that could be used as a razor blade. Scalpels, kitchen knives, shaving razors, even the little blade in a pencil sharpener will work in a pinch.

“Here, come here.” John grabbed ahold of Sherlock’s wrist again, gently guiding him to the kitchen sink. Turning on the water and clearing dishes and science experiments from the counter, John washed his hands of Sherlock’s blood (dark red and sticky, leaving rusty fingerprints on the faucet handles) and said, “You wash those out, I’ll go and find the first aid kit. Stay there, okay?”

John walked back down the hallway, rooting through a closet to find the first aid kit that was buried somewhere in there. There’s something about the feeling of cold water on your arm, watching it swirl orange and pink and red before it floods down the drain, washing away all the things you’ve done wrong. John spread out the contents of the first aid kit on the counter beside the sink while Sherlock watched, apparently mesmerized, as the water flowed over his wrists, stained red as it ran down the drain.

“Okay, hold your arms out… yeah,” John turned off the water and poured hydrogen peroxide over Sherlock’s wrists. It sizzled and foamed where it met exposed flesh, but Sherlock gave no indication that he felt anything. John picked up a suture needle and a pair of forceps and got to work sewing Sherlock’s shredded arms back together. 

And I think I’ll end it there. Apparently, you’re not supposed to put hydrogen peroxide on wounds, because it kills healthy cells, but I didn’t feel like changing it. Sorry if the characterization is off, I don’t write fanfics very often, and I’m wayyy very new to Sherlock. But basically there are a few moments in the show that sort of put the idea into my head of drug addiction is not all that different to self harm, and we all know Sherlock is super self-destructive, so like what if he took that up as a different, still unhealthy coping mechanism. Plus then we had Faith Smith, who while I’ve seen a lot of posts saying she’s a mirror for John (which I don’t disagree with), she kind of brings up the issue of self harm being a different but very similar coping mechanism to what Sherlock does. Hope that made sense. Anyway thanks for reading through all of my rambling lol. (Also quick fic rec if you like the premise of Your Fave Is A Cutter type thing there’s one on AO3 called It Was The Boredom by 221Bme that I really liked.)

Yeah. Also I don’t know how submissions really work but if you don’t feel comfortable posting this (because it’s pretty…detailed…) I totally understand.

(Submitted by Anonymous)

Hi Nonny! Again, I want to thank you for sharing your ficlet, and I am sorry that you are hurting, but I am hopeful that writing is your new outlet. <3 Cutting fics aren’t really my cup of tea (a little bit TOO close to home for me, given I myself have self-esteem issues and contemplated cutting when I was younger), but I respect you very much for putting into words what I cannot ever relate to. I hope you are alright <3

#send me things #submission #self harm tw #depression cw #drugs cw #mental health cw #ficlets

[rockformed]

1-100 for that ask thing. Cuz fuck you

JESUS CHRIST WILLim putting this under a read more fuck you too

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

soundcloud!! 

is your room messy or clean?

always messy, last time it was clean was when we first moved in lmao

what color are your eyes?

very dark brown

do you like your name? why?

i do!! cause it means “helper”!! and i love to help vv

what is your relationship status?

single as fuck, ive never been in a relationship ;;

describe your personality in 3 words or less

shy, creative, and passive

what color hair do you have?

natural redhead babeyyyy

what kind of car do you drive? color?

i dont drive ;;

where do you shop?

usually i get my clothes from a place called torrid, they sell plus sized stuff!! but i get all my t-shirts from redbubble and thinkgeek! 

how would you describe your style?

all over the place lmao, messy

favorite social media account

tumblr is m fav just cause the site works the way i think it should, in chronological order 

what size bed do you have?

double

any siblings?

yep!! 2 step brothers, 1 half brother and 1 half sister 

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

a small cabin on a riverside with self-sustainability. i just dont wanna have to worry about stuff and be left to myself in a cute little cabin!!

favorite snapchat filter?

THE TIGER FACEMASK ONE

favorite makeup brand(s)

dont wear makeup :p

how many times a week do you shower?

i uhhhhh try to shower once every day but i have a hard time remembering a lot ;;

favorite tv show?

atm i dont have one, i dont really watch tv! im excited for the return of steven universe tho 

shoe size?

8 womens

how tall are you?

5′3″ last time i checked!!

sandals or sneakers?

SNEAKERS, i hate sandals :(

do you go to the gym?

used to every day, stopped cause we moved away from my gym and i have no way to get there :(

describe your dream date

oh gosh, i dont really know, something chill where i could get to know the person a bit, maybe lunch at a cute airy restaurant vv

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

i have misc change and a 15 dollar red lobster gift card lol

what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any!!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

3, and many stuffed animals :3

do you have a job? what do you do?

i do commissions, but i dont have a 9-5 “job” yet

how many friends do you have?

oh gosh, uuummmm 2 really good ones, maybe 7 others?? im probably forgetting ;;

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

when i was 5 i stole a harmonica from a cracker barrel and swore on the bible that the woman at the counter let me have it ;;;;; it haunts me everyday for real

whats your favorite candle scent?

i dont have a specific, but i love sweet scented candles, and holiday ones :p

3 favorite boy names

Ben, Oliver, and Andrew 

3 favorite girl names

Lily, Genevieve, and Lorelei

favorite actor?

Robin Williams %100 forever

favorite actress?

amy adams

who is your celebrity crush?

Chris Pratt i guess??? i dont pay too much attention to that stuff :p

favorite movie?

ever, is wreck it ralph, atm is beauty and the beast (not the remake)

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i dont read too much anymore, but my favorite book(s) is the Doll People by Ann M. Martin.

money or brains?

brains if by brains you include personality

do you have a nickname? what is it?

a lot of people on here call me Rock, but i dont have a real life nickname!!

how many times have you been to the hospital?

one, when i was born lmao 

top 10 favorite songs

GOD fuck umm, Overwhelming by Jon Bellion, Fiddle and the Drum by Perfect Circle, 24 Karat Magic by Bruno Mars, Ticker Tape by Gorillaz, Separate Ways by Journey, I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness, Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston (i know, i know), Kill Your Heroes by AWOLNATION, Clocks by Coldplay, and Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.

do you take any medications daily?

nope!!

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

soft vv cause i drink so much fuckin water lmao

what is your biggest fear?

uhhh my loved ones dying and not knowing if i’d be okay if they did??

how many kids do you want?

NONE 

whats your go to hair style?

natural i guess, i dont really do up my hair :0

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

ideally, id love one of those micro-houses and to travel the country with my house, but if that doesnt work out id like a shotgun style! 

who is your role model?

Robin Williams, again :p

what was the last compliment you received?

“i love the way you color” was the last one!!

what was the last text you sent?

“my feet are gonna fall the fuck off” sent to my mom sjhdfjhdjfs

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

i didnt grow up believing in santa, my mom always just wrote her name on my presents! 

what is your dream car?

a tucker, even tho thats very VERY unlikely lmao 

opinion on smoking?

dont do it 

do you go to college?

no, but i want to!! 

what is your dream job?

character/concept designer for a film or game studio

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural!!

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

no >:(

do you have freckles?

lots on my arms, none on my face anymore :p

do you smile for pictures?

yep!! i have a bad sameface problem lmao

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

100+, my phone doesnt tell me an exact number

have you ever peed in the woods?

yep, once when i was younger i got locked out of my house on the way home from school so i had to pee in the woods behind our house and wait for my mom to get home 

do you still watch cartoons?

yeah, its the only thing i really watch lol

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendys, but Mcdonalds has better fries

Favorite dipping sauce?

sweet BBQ

what do you wear to bed?

sweatpants and a t-shirt!

have you ever won a spelling bee?

no, but i one a book fair contest once!

what are your hobbies?

drawing, singing, music in general, video games, and seeing how long i can stay up without passing out lmao

can you draw?

i like to think so

do you play an instrument?

flute, but i think ive forgotten how by now

what was the last concert you saw?

i havent seen any, but im going to see one next week!!

tea or coffee?

neither, unless we’re talking sweet tea lmao

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN YOU FOOL

do you want to get married?

yes, id like to!! but if the person i end up with doesnt want to im cool with that!

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

im not answering this fkdjgghjdhf

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

depends on the other persons last name and if they wanna change theirs!!

what color looks best on you?

green!

do you miss anyone right now?

yeah, a friend of mine and my dad :(

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed and locked lol

do you believe in ghosts?

somewhat

what is your biggest pet peeve? 

when people are rude or self-absorbed ://

last person you called`

my mom

favorite ice cream flavor?

cookie dough!!

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular (put them in the fridge first, they’re better cold!!)

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

i hate sprinkles :p tastes like paste 

what shirt are you wearing?

a fallout t-shirt!

what is your phone background?

cinderella’s castle, a pick that i took last time i went to magic kingdom!!

are you outgoing or shy?

shy :3c

do you like it when people play with your hair?

yeah!! but only if i know them fkhgdfg

do you like your neighbors?

some of them, our neighbor to our right is really nice but past that we have two trump supporters and on the left we have a couple thats really really mean lmao

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

in the morning!!

have you ever been high?

nope 

have you ever been drunk?

nope 

last thing you ate?

 a subway sandwich!!

favorite lyrics right now

???

summer or winter?

WINTER PLS

day or night?

Day, specifially mornings :o

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk!!

favorite month?

december :)

what is your zodiac sign

cancer!!!

who was the last person you cried in front of?

uhhhh my therapist lmao

FUCK YOU WILL THIS TOOK ME AN HOUR

#idontknowhowtorespondtothis #about me #hfjghjhawhdgbhjsgdfgs

[veganvenom]

Tagged by @spacestationtrustfund

Rules: answer these 85 statements & tag 20 people

the last:

1. drink: Tea. Always tea, although I was sensible tonight and made it decaf because I’m about to go to bed.

2. phone call: To my landlord, trying to sort out my water being shut off. It’s fixed now.

3. text message: If we’re counting by messenging apps in general then the last person I texted was my qpp Ollie about their art. If by sms specifically, then my husband telling him how cute he is.

4. song: Ying Li by Voodoo Kungfu.

5. time you cried: About a week ago, because I was having a bad day and was worried I’d messed up my relationships by being me.

have you ever:

6. dated someone twice: Yes. My asshole ex, who kept guilting me back. Don’t do it - if you broke up once already you are probably not going to work together.

7. kissed someone and regretted it: Only asshole ex actually. Everyone else I’m happy I kissed.

8. been cheated on: Did I mention my ex was an asshole yet?

9. lost someone special: Yes.

10. been depressed: On this stretch it’s been about a year so far.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Many many times. Less often now I’m older - my body generally gets tired too quickly to get that drunk any more.

favorite colors:

12. Purple. Specifically a darkish, bluish kind of purple.

13. Green. Forest green I guess?

14. Black I suppose, which is most of my clothes.

15. Red, for its revolutionary significance.

16. Blue because I’m running out of colours that I don’t dislike.

in the last year have you:

17. laughed until you cried: Yes. I have very funny friends, and both my partners love a good (terrible!) pun.

18. found out someone was talking about you: Yes. Generally it’s been good.

19. met someone who changed you: Lots of wonderful friends! And especially one person <3

20. found out who your friends are: Yeah definitely. Though I don’t blame those who haven’t kept in touch now that I’m less fun and don’t have the spoons to chat much/often.

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: 5 or so I think.

22. made friends: So many lovely friends, probably including you if you’re reading this!

23. fallen out of love: Not this year thankfully, but I have done the opposite :)

general:

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Well that’s not so happy! I woke up to multiple tumblr hate messages from fashy blogs (not because it was my birthday - they just happened to coincide). Cried quite a bit because I didn’t understand why I was so upset (yes this is ridiculously circular!). Then had a handful of friends over for about two hours in the evening for a couple of quiet beers, but I was too sad to be social.

26. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them, maybe apart from one or two who I’ve added because we share multiple common interests.

27. do you have any pets: No, but I’d like to be able to adopt animals when I have more space.

28. what time did you wake up: This morning, it was about 7:45 I think. Though I was still too physically tired to get up until about midday.

29. what were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeping! My meds have been good for helping me do that early most nights.

30. name something you can’t wait for: Being healthy enough that I can go back to and be enthused by my research.

31: what are you listening to right now: Ocean Land by Orphaned Land

32: have you ever talked to a person named tom: That is a very common name here, so of course.

33: something that’s getting on your nerves: Liberals saying that punching n*zis makes you just as bad as them.

34. do you want to change your name: In practice I changed it about 3 years ago, but I do intend to do it legally in the next year or so. The bureaucracy would be too much effort right now.

35. hair color: Purple, but faded so that it has bluish and greyish streaks.

36. long or short hair: Short hair definitely. Once I’ve been on T for a while I might consider growing it long again, but not before. I love it short.

37. piercings: Three in my upper ear.

38. tattoos: Not yet. I have a wishlist but negative money and social anxiety.

39. blood type: The most useless one.

40. nicknames: Don’t think I’ve had any in a while.

41. relationship status: Married to my cute nerdy husband and in a queerplatonic relationship with my cute nerdy best friend.

42. zodiac: I can’t remember.

43. pronouns: They/them. I’m so lucky to have surrounded myself mostly with friends who at least try to use these.

44. most visited website: Tumblr! Which is better than last year when it was either Facebook or The Guardian which both made me angry on a regular basis.

45. right or left handed: Right-handed.

46. surgeries: Only a couple of minor ones, both on my face though they didn’t manage to make it look good lol

47. sports: Kickboxing, though I’m no good at it.

48. favorite tv show: Black Sails. For goodness’ sake, watch it if you haven’t!

49. vacations: The week in the Highlands I spent with my husband.

50. sneakers: I do have a pair of trainers yes. They are cheap and vegan.

more general:

52. eating: Luckily I’m ok with food atm. Don’t have many stipulations other than it should be vegan and affordable. Hot helps too.

53. fave drink: Tea, duh.

54. what you’re up to: Trying to rest.

55. waiting for: My brain to get well enough to work again.

56. want: Motivation, energy, an international anarcho-socialist post-scarcity world

57. get married: Eloped and got married in a forest by an officiant who didn’t misgender me. Loved it.

58. career: No longer in academia, that’s for sure.

which is better:

60. hugs or kisses: I love hugs. I like kisses from my partners, but bises freak me the hell out I’m too working class British for that kind of thing!

61. lips or eyes: Eyes.

62. shorter or taller: I guess I would like to be a tiny bit taller, but I’m about average height for a human adult and that’s fine with me.

63. older or younger: I guess I was happier a year ago, but I wouldn’t give up the friends I have now, so I like this age.

64. nice arms or stomach: I don’t really know how to answer this. I guess equal?

65. hook up or relationship: Relationships.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant, but I do so want to cause trouble.

have you ever:

67. kissed a stranger: I don’t think I have actually.

68. drank hard liquor: Too much.

69. lost glasses/contacts: I lose my glasses often, but have always found them.

70. turned someone down: Echoing Mochi with the having met straight men before...

71. sex on the first date: Yes, but I prefer sex and then deciding to date while in bed afterwards.

72. broken someone’s heart: Yes, but I’m not sorry.

73. had your heart broken: Yes, but it’s stronger now for it.

74. been arrested: Actually no, not yet! Cautions only. This just tells me I’m not doing enough tbh.

75. cried when someone died: Yes.

76. fallen for a friend: SO many times. And apart from the straight ones they’ve been good choices.

do you believe in:

77. yourself: Not generally. I do the best I’m capable of and if I fuck it up that’s about what I expected, and if I don’t then that’s great.

78. miracles: No.

79. love at first sight: No. That’s not what love is.

80. santa claus: No, and I don’t have memories from when I was young enough to have believed.

81. kiss on the first date: Yeah. Though none of my relationships have ever really followed the ask-on-date, go-on-date, go-on-second-date, etc. model.

82. angels: No.

other:

83. current best friend’s name(s): Ollie

84. eye color: Green.

85. favorite movie: The Legend of Fong Sai Yuk.

Tagging @eldritchsqurriel, @buildarocketboys, @amiedelabaisse, @wanttodrawmothsfrommemory, @synchronysymphony, @prettypettypansexual, @scouse-jesus-vikingson, @everyoneinspaceisgay, @thequeerkingdom, @acemummerz, @c3rn, @attercop-attercop, @do-a-saving-roll, @iamamathmagician, @willowveild, @jackaalope, @blooming-rivers, @luthienlight, @deprofundisresurgam, @jehnt. Feel free to ignore your tag - it was hard to get to 20.

#personal ;gjg

[mrs-iruka]

Think Before you Speak!

I was sent a prompt by the lovely @mairenyaf as follows:

‘I have a prompt (even tho you're not asking for any I just really want you to write this cause I love your writing) established relationship au where they do a joint live show because Phil has laryngitis so he texts Dan all he wants to say so Dan reads it to the audience and Phil sends Dan some sappy message and Dan reads it without noticing so that's how they come out, very fluffy and a kiss at end of the live show so i can live my dreams through fiction (you can add all you'd like Ily).’

I truly hope you like this, my lovely. I did my best with the prompt. Enjoy!

***

Phil had woken up that morning with laryngitis. His throat had been feeling a little scratchy since his return from America just over a week ago, but he thought nothing was actually going to come of it this time, as usually the virus would break a few days after getting home. He’d been trying to shout up their connecting staircase to Dan that he’d made coffee, and when no sound had come out, Phil had slumped at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. So when he awoke to find his voice was totally gone, he was less than happy - especially as it was the first Thursday since getting back to the UK and he’d been looking forward to doing a liveshow, the first in a few weeks. When Dan had woken he found his boyfriend curled up beside him in bed looking thoroughly fed-up and miserable.

“Morning, love,” said Dan sleepily.

But got no reply from Phil.

“Okay, what have I done?” sighed Dan.

Phil motioned to his throat.

“What? I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me. Just talk to me Phil.”

For a moment Phil looked very frustrated before he extended an arm across to his nightstand and grabbed his phone. Phil opened his memo page and began to type.

‘I’ve lost my voice!’ :(

It took Dan a little while to process what exactly Phil had written, but when it did sink in, Dan let go a small laugh, causing Phil to glance at Dan balefully.

‘It’s not funny, Dan! I’ve got calls to make, plus a liveshow to do later.’  Typed Phil.

“Yes it is! It’s too funny. So I’m finally going to get a few days of peace at long last,” said Dan jokingly.

This caused Phil to pout.

‘I hate you!’

“No you don’t,” laughed Dan before pulling his boyfriend into his arms to give him a good morning cuddle.

***

All day Phil had been alternating between texting Dan and using his memo pad on his phone to communicate.

At around four o’clock Phil text Dan:

To: Danny Boy 16:00

Dan, I’ve just fallen over in the bathroom and now my ankle hurts! Help!

Dan came barging his way into the bathroom to find Phil sat on the floor holding his ankle, a sad expression on his face.

“What did you do? No, you know what, never mind, let’s get you onto the bed.”

Dan bent forward and helped pull Phil to his good foot. Phil wound his arms around Dan’s neck and buried his face in the crook - it was the place he loved the most and just held Dan close.

“Honestly Phil, you’re a nightmare,” said Dan softly before drawing back a little and planting a soft kiss to Phil’s forehead. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

Phil kept one arm wound around Dan’s neck, the other he held out to the side to try and balance himself as he hopped along the landing. A few times Phil nearly fell taking Dan with him, but thankfully, Dan managed to stay manfully upright.

Once Dan had managed to get Phil on to the bed, Dan collapsed across the end of the bed.

“Jesus Christ, Phil, you nearly had us both over,” complained Dan as he rubbed his arms.

Phil chucked his phone at Dan.

‘I’m so sorry, my foot went from under me and I just went down. It hurts so much.’

Dan sighed and sat up. “You had better let me check that.”

Gently, Dan pulled the sock off of Phil’s foot, and indeed there was a slight swelling.

“Right grab a couple of the spare pillows underneath my top one whilst I go and grab an ice pack from the freezer,” ordered Dan.

Doing as he was told, Phil grabbed the spares, and put them under his ankle to elevate it. Dan was back in minutes with an ice pack wrapped in a tea-towel and gently placed it on Phil’s ankle. This action caused Phil to wince a little at the cold contact to his skin, but this soon melted away.

“Okay?” asked Dan.

Phil just nodded miserably.

***

‘Dan, I want to still do a liveshow tonight? Will you be my voice?’ asked Phil via his memo pad a couple of hours later.

“Really Phil? Can’t you just put a tweet out explaining that you’ve lost your voice, and you’ll do one next week?” asked Dan with a frown.

‘No! It’s been a few weeks as it is, and I want to see everyone’s lovely words!’ typed Phil stubbornly.

“You mean get attention, you tart,” said Dan good-naturedly.

Phil had the good grace to blush at that statement.

‘So you’ll do it? Pls? Ily!’

Phil gave Dan his most loving smile, the smile that made Dan feel like agreeing to anything.

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it,” grumbled Dan. “I hate you!”

But Phil just winked.

***

Phil put out a tweet:

Phil Lester

Hey guys! So I am doing a liveshow tonight, but I’ve lost my voice, so Dan has agreed to be my voice tonight. See you at 7pm.

***

The liveshow was a few minutes late starting due to Dan mucking about in the kitchen making drinks for them both.

When Dan had sat down, Phil hit the ‘Go Live’ button and the show began. Dan knew the routine of saying hello to some of Phil’s followers as they arrived. Once sufficient amount of people had been greeted, Dan turned to Phil, and hastily, Phil began to text. The phone in Dan’s pocket pinged.

Dan let out an inaudible sigh and pulled his phone out of his pocket to read Phil’s message aloud.

‘Hey guys, so thanks for joining us tonight. As you can see I have lost my voice so I have Dan acting as my voice for this evening.’

Phil began scanning the chat for questions whilst Dan made some small talk. A moment later, Dan’s phone pinged again.

‘Mary asks: How was Vidcon? It was good. Got to see lots of our friends again, and to meet a lot of you guys, which is always nice. Though whoever it was that sneezed on me is in my bad books lol.’

Dan read the text aloud again.

“Would you like me to read the premium messages?” asked Dan of Phil.

Phil gave a nod of approval.

“Phangirl33 says: thx for doing the show tonight,” read Dan.

Ping.

“Phil said: Thanks for being here,” read Dan.

The longer the liveshow went on, the more irritated Dan seemed to be getting. He wasn’t even really paying attention to what was even being said anymore. Which in the end caused Dan to make a huge mistake!

Dan read aloud the text that Phil had just sent him.

‘Dan, I know you’re not enjoying this very much, but I really do appreciate you doing this for me. You know if it was the other way around I would do the same for you, right? I love you so very, very much, Dan, always have and I always will.’ 

Dan’s eyes widen when he realised what exactly it was he’d done. He hadn’t meant to have read that message aloud, Dan looked at Phil in complete horror. Phil looked as if he was ready to pass out, Dan didn’t dare look at the chat has he knew full well what was likely being said. For a moment the guys just stared at each other before Phil began to silently laugh at the whole damn situation. It wasn’t long before Dan started laughing his head off too.

“I can’t believe I’ve just royally fucked up like that,” spluttered Dan. Red faced and wet cheeked, and totally forgetting about the liveshow for a moment. It wasn’t until Phil started pointing at the laptop did Dan remember. Dan gave Phil an enquiring look, and when Phil nodded Dan began to speak.

“Okay, so we hadn’t intended to come out that way, fuck, we never intended to come out at all, we were going to leave to your imaginations. But now that I’ve gone and screwed things up, this is it,” said Dan nervously.

Dan dared glance at the chat, it was speeding along at a hundred miles per hour by now, and was full of ‘OMG!’ ‘I’m crafting’ ‘Kiss’ ‘ASDFGHJKL WHAT?’ ‘WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?’ Dan glanced back at Phil before wrapping a large hand around the side of Phil’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss.

When they broke apart, they found the stream had completely crashed. The servers had been broken and they were just facing a black screen.

“Oops!” muttered Dan. Right now, his worries about the backlash they were going to likely face over the next few days sat heavily on his shoulders, but at the same time Dan felt so free.

‘I can’t believe you did that, Dan! But I’m so glad you did. I love you, and at long last I feel so... free... what abt you?’

“Me too, Phil, me too.”

#phanfiction #phanfic au #fluff #accidental coming out #dan and phil #mairenyaf #prompt