#i love reading the stories of trans people who have a completely different experience than mine

[cliban]

the AMOUNT of times i have seen a cool blogger today and then gone to their blog to follow them only to be confronted with an honestly weird amount of dismissal/outright hatred for trans men, transmasculine people, and/or butches is actually insane

#cli speaks #idk maybe its just a coincidence but i just wanna follow ppl with cool perspectives on transfemininity/transneutrality #i love reading the stories of trans people who have a completely different experience than mine #vent #<- ig #discourse #<- not entirely relevant but i do want to cover my bases

[serpentarius]

been trying to wrap my head around the cancellation of "Our Flag Means Death" and why it hurts so fucking much. lots of folks who are much more eloquent than I have summed it up perfectly, but I still think it’s important I add my voice to the matter. 

It really, really sucks that the hurt is being compounded on us every time another queer/minority-led show gets prematurely cancelled. and for a long while, we also had to deal with the many shows that deliberately queerbaited us, which was a shitty and traumatic experience unto its own. And even though we’ve largely surpassed that early-‘00s-flavoured brand of queerbait now, mainstream queer media is still predominantly white-led. With the cancellation of OFMD, we've lost one of the very few intersectional queer shows in the mainstream. Shouldn’t we be beyond asking for crumbs at this point? Shouldn’t we get unabashedly intersectional shows helmed by and starring queer, BIPOC, and trans folks without them being axed for no rhyme or reason?

It’s exhausting at this point, honestly. OFMD has done so well in terms of viewership and engagement and fan response—almost entirely due to word of mouth and little thanks to the Max marketing team, mind you—and even still the show got cancelled? Can they make it make sense????

For me, the thing most akin to this OFMD situation was when Sense8 got cancelled. And yes, the fandom fought, and we eventually DID get a movie that wrapped things up years later! That gives me hope for OFMD, that maybe another network will pick it up, or maybe they’ll be able to make a movie someday. But what makes me sad about cases like Sense8 is knowing that the creators still had to force the narrative around the amount of time they were given. That the corporate overlords who only care about numbers and profit dictated how much time they had to wrap up their story.

And it fucking kills me that DJ only wanted one more season. One more season to complete the vision.

I'm just so mad that queer people are constantly being jerked around and used for profit and then left high and dry. And then we're given excuses like "oh there's no budget" or "oh there's not enough viewership, that's all it is". like, sure, maybe those are contributing factors, but then I look at all the useless garbage shows that have little viewership and high budgets that keep going forever and then I think "hmmmm, the math ain't mathing." It's fucking transparent; the corporations can spew all they want with their rainbow capitalism and talks about diversity, but the evidence is clear, and they can't convince me homophobia/racism/transphobia/etc. is not a factor in these decisions.

Anyways, back to OFMD. OFMD made me fall in love with fandom again. I drifted away from fandom for a while in my 20s, and while OFMD wasn't the first fandom that drew me back into the madness, it's certainly the largest. The sheer amount of creativity both within the show and outside of it has blown me away; I've read some of the best fics, seen some of the best art, and witnessed some of the most incredible creativity from people in this fandom.

And let's not forget the role of the show's creators and how they've interacted with us fans. They made us feel seen. And made us feel loved and valid, even when we were being weird and loud and horny. It's so fucking rare to see that. But they understood; understood that the show they made was for us, for any of us who've been marginalized or made to feel Othered or different or stuck in life or unsure of our identities. And they gave us so much love for it.

The story... man. The unique combination of quirky humour and bright visuals and dark, introspective moments, the gorgeous costumes and soft, lovely, unabashed queerness, and veteran actors and new actors all getting to shine, brilliant comedic actors getting to show off their dramatic chops and vice versa. For me, seeing Rhys Darby - an actor I've loved for a long time, but who I never thought I'd see in a leading role - getting to be the romantic lead in a queer role? And seeing acclaimed director/producer/screenwriter/actor Taika Waititi play opposite Rhys, as an indigenous Blackbeard? Fucking incredible. OFMD Edward Teach you will always be famous to me.

Anyways... despite my long ramblings here, I still don’t think I've been able to get to the root of WHY exactly this show has inched its way under my skin and stayed with me in the way it has. Maybe I'll spend years trying to understand it. But I DO know that it's in part to do with seeing both older queers AND a diverse range of queerness onscreen, in a way that I've never seen in media before. I DO know that OFMD has forced me to look inwardly, and allowed me to realize some important things about myself. About my own queerness, my own identity, things I'm still figuring out. I've cherished being able to see myself in Stede, in Ed, and each of the crew members. In Roach’s love for cooking, in Oluwande’s ability to mediate; in Jim’s quick temper, in the way Izzy builds walls to guard his heart. In Buttons’ quirkiness, in Wee John’s sass, in Frenchie’s ability to turn pain into humour; in The Swede’s silliness, in Lucius’ bluntness, in Pete’s soft heart beneath the skepticism. Lastly, OFMD has inspired me. To create, to write, to draw, to devour other peoples' works and worlds while I sit in sheer, overflowing joyousness at their talent.

so yeah. the news of this cancellation is upsetting and hurtful and disappointing. And it's making us cry, and it's making us grieve, and may make us hollow and numb at times because we've lost yet another thing we love so deeply before it was meant to go. It's so much more than "just a TV show". It means more to us than any passive mindless idiotic mind-numbing bullshit - because even though there's a time and a place and a purpose for that type of media, it's the thought-provoking work, the work that creators pour their entire hearts and souls into, that hit us deep in our own souls. The work that changes our lives. The work that has the ability to save lives, as I know OFMD has done for so many. 

please know I'm sending immense amounts of love and strength to those of you who are also hurting. we'll get through this, one way or another, and I'll keep up with the hope that we'll get more someday; but in the meantime, I'm holding you tight. ❤️️🫂

#our flag means death #ofmd #my thoughts #ofmd thoughts #sorry for the long rambles I just needed to scream into the void #I feel helpless right now but I also wanna fight #sending love ❤️

[astralnymphh]

I just got on and saw what’s been happening and bro…I’m glad people are talking about it. Mostly about the smut, inclusivity, Palestine, and the fetishization of trans people.

Reading smut is so underwhelming like it seems like that’s all what people write these days. Like I need ANGST! I need to CRY! I need SLOW BURN AND PLOT….

And to be honest, I personally feel like some writers purposely list the reader’s physical descriptions as being white… like damn you know multiple people are going to come across your shit. I would get annoyed asf when I see something like “she touched your soft pale flushed skin” BITCH- 💀 don’t piss me off 😒🦶🏽

I won’t speak too in depth about the fetishization of trans people in fanfics because I’m not trans and I don’t want to say anything inaccurate BUT I will say it’s so disturbing and off putting seeing shit like that and seeing how people are sexualizing trans people more than treating them like regular humans…I also came across that ‘femcel’ series and🧍🏽‍♀️erm… no.

I appreciate the account who made the post discussing how the word trans and the f word are completely different. I didn’t even know that word was derogatory and it shocked me... I hope that account takes it down and they educate themselves or something cause 🙁👎🏽

yes pook YES smut can be underwhelming and so overdone. we definitely need more angst/fluff.. or just PLOT in general. no, i'm not saying don't write it at all (incase anons twist my words, cause.. they're good at that.) i'm just saying that it would be nice to see some fully fleshed out pieces with emotion and storytelling. i have something in the works though, that encompasses all genres (fluff/smut/angst) so, there's that!

people will so clearly write the whole petite pale white girl bs like "ur delicate small hand" or the fuckass "doey eyed and blushing cherub red" like NEVER portray reader so specifically unless you're going to specify it in the cw!!!! do whatever for ellie's white ass but for the love of gods and goddess BE AWARE OF READER AS A SPOT TO FILL, NOT AN OC!!!! idk how else to describe what i just said. but. it is said. so it. yeah. that whole delicate small petite thing kinda trickles into writing childlike readers too but. thats a whole nother discussion. no clue if i ever used that phrasing in the past tho i have no bold memories of my writings in detail.

i think people will listen to anybody but trans people who are actively calling it fetishization, like. all the mfs arguing with them say "trans and f💀ta aren't the same!" yeah. they aren't. cause one is like, a genuine, flesh and bone person.. with a whole story.. and feelings.. and experiences.. and one is.. fetishization. how many times do trans people have to repeat that? bet most of the people trying to argue against it aren't even trans.

the whole thing about authors "flooding" the tlou tag with palestine posts is also dumb as fuck. is scrolling a bit too taxing on your poor smut-guzzling thumbs?? ur scrolling over big booty fics, i think you can scroll a little further past those posts if you're really that much of a basement dwelling fuck that's sitting comfortably in their homes while a genocide is happening. out here sobbing cause people are spreading awareness. eat my bum bum booty. ++ also add-on cause we're holding writers accountable for ignoring a strike (different than not knowing at first) but there's also the artists!! they're there too.

anons r gonna come into my inbox abt all this but i'm not even gonna answer like, don't waste your time. im not reading all that. especially coming from an ANON 💀

me when

#⤹𓍢ִ໋aestras asks #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie tlou #lesbian #sapphic #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fanfiction #tlou #fanfiction

[percheduphere]

What's frustrating about being a supporter of a mlm ship is the immediate presumption of the shippers' identity as a "cis heterosexual woman" who fetishsizes homosexuality (not that that problem doesn't exist, but that's not what this post is for).

Our identities also include:

Cis gay man

Gay/bi/pan trans/woman/man/enby

Cis/trans polyamorous gay/bi/pan woman/man/enby

Cis/trans gay/bi/panromantic asexual woman/man/enby

On and on, the intersections within the LGBTAI+ community are infinite.

Yet our mainstream media shies away from canonizing mlm relationships on screen, by whatever arbitrary measure deemed correct by the heteronormative power structure, which means bi or pansexuality and gender fluidity can be masked beneath an optically cis heterosexual relationship that is spoken of as queer only in dialogue.

I am a queer person. The argument I most often see is that being in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender doesn't negate a person's bi or pansexuality. This is ABSOLUTELY TRUE in real life. I'm in such a partnership, and here's the thing ...

When I share my queer identity with others and they see my partner of 15 years, the question I get asked is:

"How can you still be ×-sexual if you're in a heterosexual relationship?"

It is as though, by committing to someone who presents as the opposite gender, my lived experience (all the people I loved deeply in the past; the pain of coming out not once, not twice, but three times; the pain of permanently cutting off people in my life) was completely erased. My partner and I are optically viewed as "straight" despite how we actually define our individual genders and sexuality. Despite continuing to feel queer attraction. Despite continuing to remember previous queer loves with incredible fondness. Despite still celebrating with friends in the community and proudly bearing my flags.

This is why I truly believe there needs to be a greater push for more same-sex representation ON SCREEN in the MAINSTREAM. We cannot have authentic stories of the queer experience without it. It is a stepping stone to representing all the other identities that are swept under the rug. There is a big difference between knowing who you are in real life and interpreting what big money media is doing with your identity for the sake of pleasing the heteronormative masses and offering only subtext for the queer community in order to get the highest amount of views. Subtext, which by the way, is immediately dismissed as reading too deeply into it!

Well, guess what? Being queer inherently means reading deeply into subtext. This has been our language for decades. I should know, I'm OLD. Picking up subtle cues was and is part of queer courtship in real life because you absolutely could not out yourself in public. In more than half of the U.S. that is STILL the case!

I have a very close cis straight friend who thought Korrasami came out of nowhere. I had to sit them down and explain all the little cues, including the infamous hairpin in Asami's lips close-up. They remarked, "Wow, that's a lot of work. Is that how it worked when you tried to meet someone in public?"

YES! And it's 2023 coming on 2024, and we still have to go through this extra bullshit cis heterosexual people take for granted! If there is even a hint of queer mlm romance, you know what happens? They either get separated or killed or BOTH!

They are separating us and killing us on screen because we can only exist in subtext and tragedy. And then, when we dare to hope another ship might make it, that finally, we will have our moment in the sun, we are told:

"You weren't baited. Nothing was confirmed. What did you expect? They're just friends. You looked too deeply into it and did this to yourself. You are gross and keep migrating from one gay ship to another, you homosexual fetishsizing misogynistic pervert."

These people take intersectional social justice language and weaponize it against us. They moralize us on our own identities without even knowing who we are or what we've been through. They think we're desperate and delusional for the audacity of hoping we might see a happy ending that reflects us in the mainstream.

I am so, so tired.

#lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer community #queer #representation matters #lgbt representation #queer representation #loki #mobius #lokius #loki series #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #house md #gregory house #james wilson #hilson

[kiwiana-writes]

4, 6, 9 and 19- or any combination of those if that's too much!

4. Do you write original stories as well?

2024 is the year of the original novel, baby! I may have done more, like, setting up a website/Substack/Airtable writing tracker/etc than actual writing at the moment, but in my defence I'm still wrapping up my freelancing obligations this month lmao

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

You know, it's hard to say 'never' because... I never know what's going to grip me. I never would have predicted that I'd write a fic for the TV adaption of The Last of Us, or that I'd walk out of the theatre after going to see a queer Christmas movie and rage-write an alternate ending in three hours.

So I'll take a slightly different approach to this question and instead say a fandom I'll never write for again, and that's HP. I respect the hell out of the authors who have gone full death of the author about it and reclaimed the world they love to make it better, I really fucking do. But I pulled my HP fics down from AO3 when I realised that seeing the author's name on my fandoms list, on my profile, was just... really fucking with my little trans non binary head.

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

This question is cruel. CRUEL. I have never picked a favourite anything in my life. Here's a few things I'm vibing with RIGHT NOW, but the answer may change in a month or a week or an hour lol.

Going Platinum by @cricketnationrise - always, but especially now as cricket works through the sequel. I feel very taken care of by this fic and have reread it a truly embarrassing number of times.

I really hope I can get him alone by @clottedcreamfudge - the Henry POV of Kinda think that I might be his type aka Alex and Bea fake date. I am just. iu4oqhurfriehngfuqernugoenuogre.

In His Wildest Dreams by @myheartalivewrites - I bang on about Oxford Days by this author a lot (and for good reason) but FUCK this one is beautiful. I am forever a sucker for the psychology of kink.

Noble Blood by @orchidscript - currently a WIP, somewhat based on The King's Assassin by Benjamin Wooley which is the book Mary & George is based on. And like... here's the thing. I picked up pretty quickly coming into this fandom that The Thing Orchid Is Known For is researching the absolute living fuck out of her fics, and like... I respect it, but I also didn't really think about it much, because while deep-dive knowledge is fun, as long as something's plausible enough that it doesn't pull me out of the story I'm along for the ride, you know? But this fic. THIS FIC is based in a time period I am very familiar with (my focus was always Tudor England, but you don't study that time period without picking up a lot of knowledge of the decades either side of it) and like... I get it now. Reading a historical fic where you know so much about the time period, and seeing all these tiny little details sprinkled throughout that, like, aren't actually required for the plot but are just weaving the tapestry of the world... fuck me, it's an entire different experience.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue by @anincompletelist - currently a WIP, I believe it's due to be completely posted by the end of January? But y'all it's so fucking engaging and I am loving the journey so much.

When I Met You (I Could Not Speak) by @sparklepocalypse - forever on my fairytale bullshit as y'all know and this one is EXCELLENT.

You love me! You love me? by anarchyat4am - god. GOD. I don't even know what to say about this one other than PLEASE READ IT. Trans Alex and one of my favourite tropes, quietly falling into a relationship.

19. Dead or overused tropes?

I am an extremely firm believer that there is in fact no such thing. People are forever coming up with new twists on tropes, and even fics that play tropes totally straight are infused with the author's voice or experience or whatever. If I didn't want to enjoy the comfort of the familiar, I would probably not be engaging with fic in the first place 🤣

[Ask game for fanfic writers]

#Ask game for fanfic writers #ask meme response #suseagull04

[guardianspirits13]

A discussion of nonbinary representation in media, as characterized by Raine Whispers

(+accompanying doodles of Raine living the trans experience, wether amab, afab, or neither :)

So here's the thing: we don't know if Raine is trans. It's not really mentioned or discusssd beyond using they/them pronouns and it makes sense to us based on the rules of our world that they are trans, but they exist in a very different place with very different rules. Since they are the only nonbinary character in the series (edit: other than Masha but they’re human so that’s a bit more black and white) and we have no context otherwise, it is equally possible that they transitioned at a young age or that it is possible for witches to be born as physically 'genderless', while uncommon.

I find this dilemma falls under the broader scope of the discussion of nonbinary representation in media. There are two main ways to portray nonbinary (particularly androgynous) characters: either playing it straight as it is with Raine, no questions asked, or by encorporating elements of the trans experience into their story or character.

The catch with nonbinary characters is that, opposed to binary trans characters, is that you don't know what gender they were assigned at birth (while this is generally rather obvious with binary trans characters). If written badly, it may feel disingenuous to have a nonbinary character whose birth gender is alluded to or "revealed". On the other hand, magically sexless nonbinary characters aren't always the best representation either, as a) there is no real way to 'pass' as nonbinary in the real world and b) even for androgynous identifying nonbinary people, complete androgyny is often an unattainable feat in the first place.

It is important to have characters who are realistically trans, including the less "pretty" parts of the transition process. It is an important lesson to have in media that you don't have to be flat-chested or clean-shaven or whatever to deserve respect for your identity.

And again, both types of nonbinary representation are good in their own ways, but it is important to be cognizant of this as I became when I began developing a nonbinary character of my own.

This has been circling in my mind for quite a bit and has just come back to me now with my mini-fixation on Raine. If you are nonbinary yourself and/or have any other (respectful) thoughts on this, I would love to hear them!

Thanks for reading!

#toh meta #toh fanart #raine whispers #nonbinary #nonbinary representation #toh analysis #doodles #transgender #trans nonbinary #the trans experience #digitalart #myart #the owl house

[callmearcturus]

DVD Commentary KTOWL Chapter Six, The Sex Scene

Pursuant to discussion of Ace People Writing Sex Scenes, I thought I'd do a DVD Commentary for one of my own sex scenes. This is the sex scene in so we don't kill the ones we love, chapter six, "The Black Keys 'Turn Blue' (2014) Side A"

Yes, that is the chapter title.

This is fairly dense scene with a lot of deliberate choices. If I pointed out every single one, we'd be here all day, but I'll point out a lot of things and talk about the things I think about when I write something like this.

[Let me set the scene a bit for people who might not have read so we don't kill the ones we love. This is a full setting AU detached from the canon material. Our principle characters here are Karkat (an alien immigrant who is basically an indentured servant stuck working for a hotel for assassins) and Dave (a human who is, unbeknownst to Karkat, stuck working for the same hotel for the rest of his natural life and cannot hope to escape his contract). 

I am going to explain stuff that might feel very obvious, but this is a learning exercise.]

Wisely keeping his mouth shut and accepting the mercy offered, Karkat followed Dave up into the loft.

There was, as he expected, a bed. It was however dismantled. The mattress was on the floor, shoved flush to the corner. The support structure was against the wall, and Dave had repurposed the wooden slats to hold his music albums. They were spaced and arranged in a way that was pleasing to the eyes, very deliberate.

Below them was the turntable, spinning a blue and pink vinyl.

[This is my favorite expedient trick to use when describing a space is to give the reader just enough context to build a space in their mind but, unless there is something truly important and relevant about placement, not handing the reader blueprints. 

I recently got into a snag with Punct about Benji's apartment in our AU because they had envisioned something completely different than I had for the space, and it did become plot-relevant. But outside special cases like that, I think less is more. Do just enough description, so that when you stop to do florid, expanded description, the audience notices. And isn't mentally tired by the time you get there.]

Karkat reached out and turned the volume dial down about a third, until the sound wasn't liable to give him a fucking migraine.

"Square," Dave accused, and dropped himself unceremoniously onto his bed.

"Better than prematurely fucking deaf."

Dave cupped a hand around his ear. "Sorry, what?" Dave asked loudly, then snickered. "So I was thinkin'."

[This patter is very naturalistic, the way that— when we talk to people online, we can often maintain multiple threads of conversation. If I send you a paragraph block about what I had for lunch, asking you where you got those shoes, and asking how your day went, that's very difficult to navigate verbally. Something is going to get pinned or dropped in favor of something else.

So I frequently and pointedly have my characters swerve like this, where Dave consciously takes the reins of the convo to prevent lingering on the joke. There is an agenda here, and he wants to keep things moving. 

It is also one of the MANY times in this scene and other sex scenes were its reinforced that Dave is the guy getting fucked but he is completely in control. I think "topping from the bottom" is reductive, so I just like to talk about who is controlling the encounter the most.]

Feeling overdressed, Karkat started taking off his shoes.

"I was thinking this time, you can probably introduce your prehensile dick to my—" He tipped his head to the side with a hum. "You know, I kind of dig 'nook.' Not the worse terminology available by far."

[I've written a lot of trans characters but Dave is my favorite. I don't personally think I am equipped to write a story about The Trans Experience, but I think about gender and about bodies and identity a lot, and I poured a lot of that into specifically Dave and Jake in this story. 

Dave does not dig the terms "cunt" and "pussy" nor any of the more clinical terms nor the more euphemistic options. Like many people, there just doesn't seem to be a good neutral option to his tastes. So meeting an alien with their own term, a term that by the nature of being alien completely lacks humanocentric baggage, finally gives him an out: "nook." He even uses "nook" in his personal narration, it's such a relief to have it.

I just did an Entire Work search, and the only occurrence of "pussy" is Jake using "Pussyfooting" which feels right.

Worth noting: I think Rose would use "cunt" under the right circumstances. Different characters have different levels of comfort with terms, and you shouldn't assume that Dave's take is the author's take, if that makes sense.

But that's a discussion about Close Third Person Perspective for later.]

"Along with 'magic button?'" Karkat asked.

"Eh, I guess 'clit' doesn't sound as stupid as the other one. But I was just trying to help you along, give you some indicative nomenclature, I know trolls are huge on that, and no joke I think it's a cool thing. It's like y'all are constantly havin' a brainfart and forgetting the words for things. Like, damn, what's that thing in my chest, it's a— a chest throbber, right?'

"Pump biscuit," Karkat said.

"Whatever. The fuck was I saying, I had a point." He watched Karkat take off his jacket and fold it, draping it over the edge of the loft. "Tentacle on nook action, let's do that."

"Oh." Karkat liked that idea. A lot. "I thought you didn't want to do that."

[Boom, immediate characterization point. Karkat is turned on by the idea of putting his bulge in Dave's nook, but he immediately sidelines the idea to check on Dave's comfort level. He has already done this before with Dave and thus has pieces of information about what Dave likes and where he's comfortable.

Karkat prioritizes physical comfort in sex and he will communicate shit, even if it taps the breaks on his own progress to getting an orgasm.

ON TOP OF THAT: This is a 252,409 word long epic and I'd estimate at least 200,000 of those words are about how people in this story don't tell the truth. Sometimes because they are lying, sometimes because the truth is painful, sometimes because they're too busy being charming to be upfront, sometimes because their truth is different than someone else's truth.

Act One is a lot about Karkat figuring out that everyone's perspective on the world is Very Different, so he overcommunicates. This is that.]

"That was the first time, now I've gotten a taste of that thang, and I wanna feel it all the way up in me."

Karkat pulled his shirt off over his head. "I feel like I'm missing some… really stupid human-centric cultural context here."

Dave smirked at him. "You kind of are? But… I sorta dig that too. I don't have to explain shit to you or— it's good, it's a bonus in your column, okay?" He sat up, arms hanging over his knees as he watched Karkat undress with absolute focus.

[See, here Dave literally confirms that Karkat is lacking information. Reinforcement of the themes, even in the patter leading up to sex.

Dave is Karkat's closest ally in the Umbra and even he will not give Karkat the full picture.]

Karkat got down to his briefs before realizing he'd just been on autopilot, stripping efficiently. Dave seemed to have no problem with this, taking in the sight and swaying to his music. Reaching over, he picked up another bottle of cider beer and took a big swallow, waggling his eyebrows at Karkat over the bottle.

Leaning down, Karkat stole it and lifted it to his our lips. He was fucking parched, and it was crisp across his tongue.

[Phy! Si! Cal! Ity! Karkat is from a background that makes him point A to point B in his movement, and sometimes he just falls into locomotive routines.

Dave's locomotive routine is to be constantly attuned to his surroundings and reacting to them. When he's working around the Umbra, his entire presentation changes to match the environment. When he's in his loft, he reverberates with the music.

Karkat's recurring motif in the story is being out of synch with the world. Dave is almost agonizingly in-synch with the world.

Also Karkat steals the sip of beer. It's an acceptance of the invitation Dave is giving him.]

"Rude as hell," Dave said, but allowed it nonetheless. "Come on, what happened to my show?"

Glaring at him did nothing, as Dave was immune. Still, Karkat dispensed with the last of his clothes.

The way Dave smiled and ducked his head was worth it. "I'd stick a dollar bill in your belt, but whoops."

[Oh, so, I love the fact that Karkat is canonically Fucking Hot in this story. This fic is written in Extremely Close Perspective Third Person, meaning it's a re-skin of First Person with "he" instead of "I". Karkat only notices things he would, only uses phrases and terms he would. If you read KTOWL, you will notice that his POV sounds different from Dirk's and from Rose's and from Dave's and from Jake's. 

The law of this specific perspective is that the audience should learn things that the character does not. Now there is a lot of Very Serious Examples of that in KTOWL, when you the reader should glean something even if Karkat does not.

But a cute jokey one is the Karkat Is Hot thing. Karkat does not know he's hot except that he has to navigate humans hitting on him all the time.

What I like about this is that you learn Karkat is hot from other people. Here, let's look at the next bit, it's related.]

"I don't get out of bed for a dollar anymore," Karkat groused, and lowered himself down to the mattress, knees landing and bouncing a bit. On a guess, Karkat curled a hand around Dave's bare ankle and dragged him closer, claws going for the snap of his cutoffs.

A flush of pink spread over him in three seconds flat. "Oh, shit, Karkat gettin' hands-on. Someone's learned a thing or two." He settled his arms behind his head. "If you're volunteering, have at."

[So I am very very very Weird about character description in fic. I wildly prefer to have a POV character noticing someone else than to have a POV character describe themselves to the audience.

So Karkat is very specific about the physical attributes he notices about himself. These do not overlap with what other people notice about him. As each person meets Karkat and remarks on him, the audience gets more information about Karkat's actual body, since Karkat doesn't… think about his body as much.

In comparison, Dirk and Dave both think about their own bodies more, but for very different reasons. 

Anyway, this moment shows us that Karkat has some fucking muscles and can easily move people.]

Karkat hadn't realized he was such a contrarian until he met Dave Strider, who said everything like it was a dare. It was impossible not to push back, to respond, even if Karkat knew it was exactly what Dave wanted. Glaring at Dave's flushed, smirking face, he unzipped the shorts and pulled them down, catching the boxers underneath with his claws to haul them off as well. It was worth it for Dave's little gasp.

Karkat was no longer sure his subvocal noises were being drowned out by the music. He could feel a bone-deep satisfaction humming through his bones. Giving into the greedy thing in his thorax, Karkat pushed his hands up under Dave's shirt, claws dragging lightly, palms firm against the soft give of human skin.

[Lets get into sexy stuff. 

I'm very specific about what characters like about sex. I am very ace, so the idea that people Just Like Sex is sort of odd to me. I guess it'd be like someone who enjoys running marathons. Sounds fake, what's the part of that you like?

For Karkat, he hones in species differences between himself and humans. He has a lot of trauma regarding being hunted by his own people and how his destiny was to be culled as a mutant who needed to die. So one of the many manifestations of that trauma is a curiosity and interest in human bodies.

He really really likes that Dave is soft. He hones in on the soft parts of Dave's body, since alternians don't have as many.

When you write a sex scene, I think it'd very powerful to have the POV focus on the points that the character would. This is how, as an ace person, you can lockpick the backdoor to understanding attraction. When you are deep in another person's POV, then you can make their attraction more tangible to you by knowing these anchor points.]

The hitch in Dave's breath only made Karkat want more, now. When he pulled, Dave lifted his arms, bending his head to help Karkat peel the shirt off him, leaving him in nothing but the bold stamp of his armband. The warm flush in Dave's skin deepened and spread down his chest. Karkat touched him there, cupping the softer flesh and squeezing.

"Um!" Dave said in a higher voice than Karkat had ever heard from him.

"What?" Karkat asked, his own voice lowering, his worried tone starting to fragment and hum with the chirring in his thorax. There was no way it wasn't obvious now.

[Even though we're not in Dave's POV, I also heighten the parts of Karkat I know he likes: the sonic.

This is also a tacit reminder to the audience that Karkat super isn't a human. I never want them to forget it, so I will keep his alien oddities present on a regular basis.]

"Nothing!" His ears were red, and he puffed out a breath. "Initiative, I like it. Great job." When Karkat remained still, concerned, he rolled his eyes. "I swear to god I'm fine, you just— surprised me."

"I can slow down—"

Dave dug his knees into Karkat's sides.

[Dave is in control of the scene.]

Fine. Easing in closer, Karkat rubbed his thumbs over the nipples and squeezed more firmly, kneading with his fingers, careful to keep the points of his claws from pressing too hard against soft skin.

["the nipples" makes me laugh every time.]

Dave's mouth opened into a little 'o', his body slumping against the bed, his throat working as he swallowed thickly. "'Kay. God, those are— are pretty sharp, huh?"

"I won't hurt you," Karkat told him.

A sound equidistant between a laugh and a moan answered him. "Good with your hands, Karkat?"

"I mean, you try growing up on a planet where it's real fucking useful to have knives on your hands." He dragged his clawtips down Dave's ribcage, stroking his sides.

"I like 'em." Dave pressed his head back, back arching a bit as he sighed, lazily enjoying being touched.

Karkat crawled further up onto the bed, trying to bite back his smile as Dave eagerly sat up with him. He hesitated, unsure what to do next.

[How do you show a person is aroused? How do you portray desire?

A lot of thinking, mostly. 

I think my sex scenes tend to buck some sequencing tropes (kissing then clothes off then prep then sex then clean up) and its because I think about blocking constantly.

I'm unsure if that's a well known term. I learned it in drama class in high school, when the teacher/director talked about how it's not enough to remember your lines and say them. You have to use body language just as much, and the 'script' of that language is "blocking." It's the direction people physically follow in a scene, where they are going to move and when, what marks they have to hit, etc.

When I have a scene outlined and ready, I think ENDLESSLY about the blocking. I think about it when I'm driving, when I'm on breaks at work, when I'm making dinner. Figuring out how the characters are going to show their intentions with their bodies takes much more time than writing dialogue. At some point in the craft of writing, dialogue became the easiest part. I can do that in minutes.

The rest of the direction is the bulk of the work.

This is why I watch Mission Impossible and scream "UGH, PHYSICALITY" because this is… how I learn. This is how I work that writing muscle, I just…. find someone in a film or whatever who moves in away that catches my attention, who is saying something with their body language, and I study that shit. And I put it here.]

Dave pressed his hand flat against Karkat's thorax, his teeth against his lower lip as the subvocals immediately strengthened, modulating into a drowsy wave of noise. "God, that's so fucking cool. Don't let this go to your head, but that's pretty sexy."

[Dave is in control of the scene.]

He looked up at Karkat through his lashes, smile playful.

Karkat really want to kiss him again.

Instead, Karkat pulled one of Dave's legs to the side, stroking the hairs there. "Dude, not against the grain," Dave laughed, and redirected Karkat's hand to stroke in the right direction.

"Humans are so fucking complicated and touchy," Karkat said.

"And yet you came here for your treat," Dave reminded him. His knees pressed against Karkat's side. "Oh, shit, this song rocks, hang on—"

The guitar got noticeably crunchier, the drum thudding dull and steady. It grabbed Dave's attention, away from Karkat, and heat flared in Karkat's body.

Grabbing Dave's wrists, Karkat pushed, falling with him until he had Dave held flat to the mattress, his grip around warm skin and the cool material of the armband.

Fever got me guilty, just go ahead and kill me, Karkat heard vividly as he braced over Dave, looking at his mouth.

Dave stared up at him for a second, then lifted his head, pressing his lips firmly to Karkat's, and Karkat just fell in. He kissed Dave's mouth open, tongue exploring those strange flat teeth, tasting boozy fruit. Dave's moan vibrated through Karkat's body as he squirmed under Karkat, hips rolling, working to line their bodies up.

[So right before this scene started, Karkat unthinkingly kissed Dave and got chided lightly for it.

Here, he thinks about doing it again, then another 160 words pass before it happens. I told you directly Karkat wants to kiss Dave and then I showed you how it happens.

There's that advice, "Show don't tell" and I think it's… situational. I am of the opinion that you need a balance of both. This is about tempo and expediency. When you just Tell the audience something, it can be impactful like a punch. 

Also, when you stop to Show, the audience will notice more. If you are only doing Show Show Show and never just Telling, I personally find that kind of narrative a little exhausting and I think it lacks snap. 

So, I tell you Karkat wants to kiss Dave, and then I try to paint the moment with details about the taste and the music and the vibration in hopes you'll pay more attention to those.

I want this moment to be their Big First. So it has details that they'll remember. All the way in Act Three, Karkat puts on The Black Keys' Turn Blue, and Dave literally identifies the opening song as "their song."]

Karkat's bone sheath had been taking its sweet fucking time getting with the program until then. It parted immediately, and his bulge felt up Dave's thighs, rubbing over his nook.

Laying there and making out for a while sounded like a great idea. Karkat carded a hand into Dave's soft hair, holding his head still as he mapped out his mouth and swallowed every little groan. In perfect counterpoint, Dave grabbed Karkat, blunt nails dragging through his hair to find the bed of one of his horns. Stroking the base of it brought a thick, curling pleasure surging up Karkat body.

[Another instance of them honing in on the anchor points of their attraction. Karkat's attraction to softness and being allowed to be gentle, Dave's attraction to Karkat's anatomy and (as a beloved friend once told me) the joy of being aliens to each other.]

Eventually, Dave broke the kiss, lips wet, parted as he breathed. He kissed Karkat's jaw, his cheek, his eyelashes dark against his skin, eyes closed.

He looked so good, it almost burned to stare down at him. It made Karkat's breath catch.

Dave seemed oblivious to Karkat having a fucking moment and knocked his legs into Karkat's sides. "Come on, party hardy, is that guest of honor ready?"

[Dave is in charge of the scene and is currently not at a point where he'll let it get too tender. He is in control.]

Karkat headbutt him gently. "Don't talk about my bulge like that."

"Why not, he's my new best friend," Dave said, snickering. Blinking his eyes open dreamily, he looked down, between their bodies, and wiggled his hips again. "It's like, what's the fuckin' word, autonomous?"

"Mostly." It was currently autonomously grinding loops through the coarse hair, painting translucent red streaks over Dave's skin.

"Well, can you ask Mr. Red Joy Toy to take this bit slow? It's been a while since— actually, fuck, better idea. Flip." Planting a hand on Karkat's shoulder, Dave shoved. Tipping over, Karkat let out an offended noise that Dave completely ignored as he swung himself over, straddling Karkat's hips.

[Dave is in control— you get it. There are constant signifiers.

Also you might note I didn't give a blow by blow on Karkat's bulge coming out. I have compared my sex scenes to other people's and one of my constant notes of concern is, frankly, my overuse of blocking.

I often worry that I am explaining too much, spending too much time making sure the audience is aware of the exact positions of everyone at all times. Which can become exhausting and can kill the tempo/flow. So over the last five years or so, I've made a conscious effort to just drop unnecessary beats and trust the audience to follow along.]

Staring up at him was a little like staring into the sun. "Oh."

"Yeah, I dunno if I got the gams for a full rodeo," Dave said, his hand reaching down to grip Karkat's bulge, "but let's, uh, get it going before we turn tables."

"Whatever you want," Karkat said, because really? Honestly? Yes. He had zero complaints about the situation.

Dave laughed, tucking his hair behind his ear in a way that made Karkat's chest ache. "I don't do this part often, so just…"

[I love this moment of Dave doing a shy motion despite he is, as stated, in control. The royal flush is in his hand, but something about Karkat still makes him a little bashful, just for a moment. 

Also this is a purposeful juxtaposition: it's a cute bashful moment while Dave is straddling his hot alien coworker and working his alien dick. That kind of contrast adds texture and, in my opinion, a verisimilitude to the situation.

Because I've said this 100394823 times but while it is always okay to have a sex scene just for the fun or a sex scene, that's great, I tend to write sex scenes for a purpose. I want my sex scenes to convey something that can't be easily conveyed in another context.

This one here exists (among other reasons) to make it clear that Karkat isn't just a coworker to Dave, that he is getting something unique from Karkat, and it's something he's been lacking in his life for a long time. Which will make it harder for him to pretend this is purely fun and devoid of emotions.]

Putting his hands on Dave's hips, Karkat squeezed in what he hoped was a reassuring way.

Dave's smile was so fucking bashful, completely at odds with the way his hand worked Karkat's bulge, long wet strokes that had it curling around his wrist. Karkat groaned, hips lifting despite Dave's weight.

"Oh, huh," Dave said as he was jostled. "Looks like you got the gams. Impressive core muscle strength. Maybe test that out next time, but for now." Using both hands, he coaxed the narrow tip of Karkat's bulge up until it dragged along the slick folds of his nook. He stared down into his lap, focused, keeping a firm grip so Karkat wouldn't accidentally move too fast.

[Dave is in control and is already thinking about another round of sex with Karkat.

Also, I dunno how subtle this is, but Dave is in control in a way that speaks to the fact that the Umbra has him employed as a sex worker basically (its Complicated) and thus he has a lot of experience and instead of just lying back and letting Karkat have fun, he physically directs the action to ensure it goes correctly. He knows how much penetration he can take and at what speed, so he controls that too.]

Bit by bit, Dave loosened his grip, and Karkat sank into Dave's nook, taking gulps of air and digging his fingers into Dave's hips to keep from bulge from thrashing. God, he felt— so lush and wet, similar to working into another troll's nook, but different, more delicate, and without another bulge to tangle with. That was the best part, that nothing stopped Karkat from filling Dave up, his bulge twisting and exploring.

[Sexy advice hopefully but: I tend to focus in on the level of familiarity characters have when they fuck. Here, Karkat is fucking Dave for the second time but first time in his nook, so the narrative focuses on the differences, on what sets Dave apart from anyone else Karkat's fucked.

Later in the story, when it's established that these two fuck very very regularly, the focus shifts to what they've learned about each other. It's an aspect I think is sexy.]

Dave's expression went distant, eyes unfocused, face flushed. He bit his lip as his head lolled to the side, a soft, "Fuck," leaving his mouth as he rose up on his knees, then settled slowly back down. "Okay, okay, yeah…"

Karkat stroked his hips, his back, waiting. "Take your time."

"Don't tell me what to do," Dave said automatically, even as he slowly rocked his hips in a circle, letting Karkat's bulge go carefully. As it buried itself in him, he dug his slick hand into his hair, gripping, holding on. "Oh my god."

Because he was an idiot and his bulge had the reins of his brain, Karkat said, "You look so good."

[I'm not sure if I'm good at writing dirty talk? Like, I have no idea. But I really like writing sex talk.

Well, it's another thing that varies, I think. Sometimes it's fun to have two fucking chatty people who cannot stop talking fuck. It's also fun to have the moment when that all falls away because keeping up the patter is too difficult. And then again, sometimes a silent, intense, wordless fuck is the right choice.

It all depends on who is involved and also what the goal of the scene is. This scene is Dave and Karkat continuing to navigate their dynamic, so they can't shut up. The form fits the function in the story.]

Dave hitched a moan as Karkat stretched as far into him as he could. "I— jesus, Karkat, I—" He patted Karkat's hands on his hips. "Come on, it's time for you to do some work, let's go, babe."

[Dave. Control. Etc.]

Karkat rolled them back over, got his knees braced under him, and fucked into Dave.

Nothing about the situation felt real, and that was strangely what made Karkat feel helpless against it. The bass line that stroked down Karkat's spine as he moved and the way Dave looked at Karkat, hazey and pleasure-soaked, were so completely unbelievable… it didn't matter. There was no reason to hold back.

So he fell into it, tried to get his bulge as far into Dave as he could, kissing him just because he could, and fucked Dave in time with the music just for the way it made Dave start laughing.

Dave managed to sing a loose "Ba da dahm" before he completely lost it, laughing and moaning against Karkat's mouth.

[This is the part of the sex I always have the hardest time with. All the blocking and arranging bodies and banter and themes, that's EASY. But when someone needs to finally get off and come, it's like two to seven paragraphs that are agony to me, lmao.

For this one, I have a lodestone of the music. KTOWL is more than a bit about music, and how music is Dave's primary form of communication, so it makes its way into this moment, and that's the lifeline I need to wrap up the sex.

But if there is anything I think I need to work on in sex scenes, its orgasms themself. How do I make them a better conveyance of character? It's a point to work on.

(Ah, quick note, I phrased that as a question but I am not seeking advice on that. I don't tend to take unsolicited advice on my writing for several reasons. Thanks.)]

If coming here was a mistake, Karkat was so fucking glad he'd made it.

His bulge looped around itself in Dave, and Dave threw his head back with a shout, his legs bending.

Karkat pressed them both flat to the bed and felt how Dave shook with each stroke of his hips. He was so focused on Dave that his orgasm fucking shocked him, just there suddenly, making him thrust furiously into Dave as he just unspooled and flooded him with a heavy pulse of slurry. "Oh, shit," Karkat swore, eyes slamming shut as he tried— but nope, no, he was done for.

[I really like non-synchronized orgasms actually. Not to be gauche but sometimes you're coasting along and are turned on and think you've got a handle on it, and then the orgasm just happens! Whoops!]

"Oh, what, Karkat, hey," Dave whined as Karkat slowed. "Don't you fuckin' dare, I'm so goddamn close." He shoved a hand down between them to rub himself, groaning.

Karkat helped, folding their hands together, still pulsing drowsily in Dave's nook as they jerked him off. He felt Dave come, and thrust weakly into the clench of him, groaning.

His head rest against Dave's shoulder. He nuzzled in. It was so soft. Were all humans this soft? How was someone like Dave so soft under his clothes? It felt like privileged information he'd stumbled into bulge-first.

A hand cupped the back of Karkat's neck. That felt really nice, and he opened his mouth to exhale, layers of vibration coloring the tone into a modulation of subvocal hums.

"Fuckin' agreed," Dave sighed, deep and satisfied. "We are… real good at this. If there were awards for accomplishments in th' tantric arts, competitors would try to take out our kneecaps, we'd be such obvious front runners."

Karkat hummed an agreement to that nonsense.

Fingers gently toyed with Karkat's hair for a moment. It was so soothing. Karkat could sleep. Maybe his bulge would stay tucked up and warm in Dave for longer if he just dozed off.

"Hey, roll over." Dave nudged him.

"No," Karkat said, trying to nuzzle in more.

"Yes," Dave answered, and poked Karkat's sides, right along the grub scars.

With enormous effort and a deep groan of complaint, Karkat lifted himself up and flopped onto his back instead. It wasn't nearly as comfortable, and his bulge tucked up into his sheath again.

[Do I even need to say it?

I mean, it's important. If you read KTOWL, you know why Dave And Control is extremely important.]

Dave sat up, moving wearily. He dragged a hand through his hair. "Holy shit, I'm a mess," he laughed, and moved, legs slipping off the bed. He was shaky as he stood, holding out a hand in case he fell, but still managed to get up and pulled the sheet off the bed. "This is totally ruined." He balled up the sheet and used it to wiped himself off before… just throwing over the side of the loft, letting it fall. "Deal with that fuckin' later," he muttered, and stumbled a few feet away.

[A small note: we have all done the orgasm-then-clean-up thing. Sometimes, the scene has overstayed its welcome so you wanna just breeze over that stuff.

But sometimes, like here, it's an opportunity for a Character Moment, learning about how Dave interacts with his own space and possessions. And it's cute and funny.

I think that covers everything about This Specific Scene. I hope this is at all interesting. I think about this shit a lot.]

#talking about writing #swdktowl

[washipink]

Rain by Jocelyn Samara D Year 1: 2010-2011

erSo I recently found out that 1 year ago, a comic that was INCREDIBLY important to me as a trans middle schooler who went to catholic school had wrapped up. This year, I’ve decided I’m going to read through and review Rain by Jocelyn Samara, 1 year of the comic’s run at a time. First up: Year 1, which covers Chapter 1 (The New Girl) through Chapter 6 (Fallen Angel). I’ll be summarizing the story and characters for those unfamiliar, so feel free to follow along.

There’s a LONG-ASS post under that read more. If you have any experience with the comic or enjoy the post, please talk about it with me. It’ll be a good time.

Year 1 Summary

The star of the show is Rain, a transgender 17 year old girl who moved in with her Aunt Fara after her mother’s death. It starts on the first day of her senior year of high school, the first time she’s ever tried to pass as female in front of... anyone???

Based on some of the language used in the character bios, I should be very clear that this comic is from 2010 and written by a trans woman who is most likely older than most of my followers. There may be language used that you personally don’t agree with. I’m not a fan of being called transsexual myself, but there’s nothing wrong with saying it.

Anyway, the basic gist is that Rain passes EXCELLENTLY and attracts a lot of attention from her male classmates, much to her dismay.

But the men aren’t the only people with their eyes on Rain. Lesbian classmate, Maria and her fake boyfriend, Gavin make a bet of 5 United States Dollars out of who can talk to Rain first.

Here’s the rub: During Role, Gavin seems to recognize Rain’s last name. It’s the same as his childhood best friend, Ryan. Gavin and Maria then banter a little bit, jokingly saying “what if that IS Ryan? could ya believe that?”

Little do they know...

One thing about Rain is that its cast of characters is by no means infallible. Even characters that I came to love, like Maria, are kind of insensitive. Just about no one in this cast has ever MET a trans person in their lives prior to Rain. It’s very true to life in that way. You meet a lot of people that are ignorant or accidentally insensitive. And sometimes, they learn to stick up for you.

The realistic portrayal of how trans teens can be treated by other teens is one of my FAVORITE things about Rain.

Anyway, Gavin brings up Ryan Falherty to Rain, which causes her to panic and run away.

And Crash Directly into the fifth member of our main cast, RUDY!!!!

A rather gossipy gay boy that sees up Rain’s skirt and thinks she’s just a REALLY brave gay dude. He tells Gavin and Maria pretty much right away and Gavin does not take it well. The majority of Year 1 is spent on Gavin and Rain repairing their strained friendship after years apart from one another. That begins here, with Gavin confronting Rain about her identity.

Gavin’s super upset about the whole deal, but Maria and Rudy are some of Rain’s biggest shooters going forward. Even if they can ask a LOT of invasive questions.

If I’m being completely honest, there’s no MAJOR developments in Chapter 2. Fara gets a call from Rain’s older Sister about how their older Brother hasn’t talked to either of them in forever. This lays a few seeds for later events, but it is PRETTY unimportant for a while. There’s some really good emotional dialogue in it though.

In Chapter 3, Rudy’s meddling directly causes Rain and Gavin to reconcile. They have a discussion about how the reason she never told him was just that she was scared to lose her only friend.

MEANWHILE, in an attempt to make some actual friends, Fara reaches out to her neighbors and meets Ky(lie) and Heather Coven, a Gender Ambiguous Teen who goes to a different high school and her less approving older sister.

Kylie, also known as Ky, swaps gender presentations incredibly frequently, not really showing any bias for one or the other. So do not expect me to be consistent with their pronouns. Their gender is kinda messy. Almost like he’s some kind of... real person with a real life gender. Crazy.

Anyway, Fara invites them over and she and Heather get drunk, which means she can’t pick up Rain from the mall. Rain needs a place to sleep that night and Gavin invites her to stay with him.

This begins Chapter 4, in which Gavin and Rain realize that things may be different from when they were kids... but there’s a lot that hasn’t changed. Gavin remarks about how much more feminine Rain is than when she was a kid and how that’s WEIRD for him... but they end up playing a game from their childhood pretty much all night. It reminds them of all the good times and ignites within them the hope that they can have MORE good times going forward.

As an adult with friends I’ve had on-and-off relationships to, this speaks to me way more powerfully than ever before. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The next day, during her hangover, Fara sees Rain’s older brother on an ad for a dating website with his new fiance.

And on the way back to her apartment, Rain meets Ky for the first time. Neither one of them is aware that the other one has ANY kind of Gender going on and they won’t be for quite some time.

The chapter ends with Aunt Fara telling Rain about what happened with Aiken.

Chapter 5 is a simple one, Popular prep girl, Emily is giving out invitations to a Halloween party for her “perfect senior year”

Everyone but Rudy gets one, which causes Maria to give Emily a talking to. She assures Maria that he wasn’t intentionally excluded and it definitely wasn’t because he’s the only openly gay student in the whole school.

Oh, also a dude beats Rudy up for that exact reason, earning Maria’s fury later on. Rain invites Ky to come with the rest of them to the party.

Like I said, pretty simple chapter.

The last chapter of year 1 is Chapter 6: Fallen Angel.

Everyone is showing off their Halloween costumes before they leave for the party. Rudy’s reads as a bit insensitive to rain, as he goes as.... a high school girl.

We’ve all heard this one, right? young queer person that wants to toy with their gender expression uses a Halloween costume as an excuse? It can hit different watching your friend do this when you’re a stealth trans person and especially when you’re one as self-conscious as Rain.

When they reach the address for the party, they find out that Emily... has an older Boyfriend. Like, a WAY older boyfriend. Who lets all these literal teenaged children drink at a party in HIS HOUSE.

also he’s dressed as the devil in case you needed any more signals he was BAD NEWS.

This sounds like a good time for an aside: Fara is on a date with someone she met online. He works at a manga translator and offers to get Rain a meeting with her favorite mangaka.

Meanwhile, at the party, Chase seems to recognize Rain from somewhere. What could this mean?

Anyway, remember how I mentioned the underage drinking? Yeah, Rudy is HELLA drunk. And the results are not pretty.

The whole school sees this and is... BAFFLED. Because of course, Rudy is gay. how could he kiss a girl? Did he do it because he was dressed as a girl? Was it the alcohol? was RAIN Gay? Who knows?

The chapter ends on Rain riding home in tears.

Thus ends the first year of Rain.

Art

Ok, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. This art is... not too impressive. Every character looks like they jumped out of a How to Draw Manga book and Rain’s design is VERY 2010. Backgrounds are infrequent and many panels feature just 2 characters next to each other against a flat color.

But I think that’s okay. While the visual design of Rain is not immaculate, it’s certainly passable. Samara had a story to tell and she didn’t let her art hold her back. She just took pen to paper and let it go. As the comic goes along, you can tell she’s trying different things and experimenting with drawing a variety of poses. That said, the art style never really changes at all during the comic’s run.

Pure Unfiltered Story Opinions

Rain was one of the first real queer stories I’d gotten a chance to read. At the ripe, young age of 12, every word of it was unreal to me. A girl like me made REAL friends in spite of it all and got to be who she was. And now, reading it again, it really holds up.

Rain has a depiction of queer friendships that’s very true to a lot of peoples’ lived experience. Not everyone GETS each other, but they try. Sometimes, they ask a stupid-ass question. Sometimes, you get into fights. 

Also, sometimes people in your high school get prayed upon by creepy weirdos in their late 20s who think they can get easy tail from CHILDREN. (Trust, people. This gets addressed. This is NOT a fucking glorification and if anyone in the notes says it is, they’re blocked.)

I look forward to seeing where the comic goes from here and I hope you’re ready to take that journey with me.

#Rain Webcomic #Jocelyn Samara #lgbt comics #Transgender #Webcomic #Amy's Rain Review #Long Post #lgbtq #queer art

[unclevladscorner]

I have to reassess my feelings on Cemetery Boys

I want to be clear- I had a really difficult time reading this book. It was not fun, nor was it particularly enjoyable for me. Reading it touched a raw emotional nerve in me, and I had such a wildly different experience with it from most other transmasculine people that I do not relate to the attachment many feel for the book.

But the thing is I could not seem to explain why, exactly. The book is not bad. The language is a little plainer than I'd like normally. The story is also not bad. I could see the ending from a long ways off, but I'm also almost 40 and this is a YA book.

I thought it might be my age. I'm older and I didn't start my transition until I was 30. But I think I have to admit that it was that I saw my own very raw younger self reflected in Julian so nearly completely it hit on some difficult to feel emotions about what it was like to be a queer kid.

Julian isn't just literally invisible- he's metaphorically invisible in his own life. Abandoned, half neglected and living with behavioral issues, this kid is completely feral. His friends are his family, and he would literally die for them.

I know him and his life because; in spite of our racial and geographical differences, it was my own life. The mechanic father and brother, the mother who abandoned them? Yup, my life too.

Yadirel has it much easier in comparison to Julian and he is blissfully unaware of it. His situation isn't particularly easy or even much more comfortable, but his awkward family is stable and at a better place to work with him. Yadirel's family isn't always sensitive to his needs; nor are they always supportive, but they do love him.

The reaction I had was so raw, so emotional, and so hard to explain that I really hated the experience for a long time. I finished the book a year ago, and I still chafe a little when it comes up.

At the end of the day, Yadirel's life just wasn't my life, his experiences as a trans person are nothing like my own, and that's why I didn't really relate.

That being said, a younger trans person showing agency with his own life resonates very strongly with a lot of trans people. That's a good thing! The book touched a lot of other transmasculine people in ways that has been deeply important for them.

I'd still recommend this book to people who are just discovering their transness or queerness. I think it can be a good place for some people to start, even if I wasn't that person myself.

#Cemetery Boys #I still have very complicated feelings about this book

[crazy-stupid-potato]

This is mad long, bare with, or don't lmao

TW's for: References to depression, r*pe, a*use towards women, and a bunch of other women rights related issues. I don't go in depth, but they are very much there. Be careful. Look after your mental health, please. Also a smidgen of spoilers for the Barbie movie at the end.

So, this whole tangent began with the Barbie movie. I've wrote all my thoughts down in a notebook, that's how I know what I'm going to type - vaguely. This will seem insane to have come from the Barbie movie, but I think it will hopefully be coherent. (Not like anyone will read this, lol. I am NOT anywhere near popular enough for this to even get a comment but here we go)

Right. A bit of context to my life. Since I was about 14, I have always felt that I am some sort of trans. For a while I thought I was non-binary, then I thought I was gender-fluid, then (a recent development) I thought I was a guy. So, you can imagine the absolute loop I have been thrown through when I realised that what I might have been feeling is internalised, borderline, misogyny.

Wild right? Let me explain.

Since I was 11, I have repeatedly heard the horrors of being female in this world. The rape/murders that happen on a daily basis. The horrors towards women in the past. The continued disregard for female autonomy. The abuse faced at the hands of people who are supposed to protect us. It's all horrific. Not only this, but I have seen, heard, learnt, about the way society completely destroys women. The lack of acknowledgement for the pain of females', the constant dismissal of mental illnesses, physical illnesses and disabilities (this also happens with males, too, I am aware, especially in the mental health department, but this section of this post is about people with the female anatomy.) The blatant disregard towards women who report abusive partners or stalkers is disgusting. (And that is just in 1st World countries where human rights are supposed to be the best. The horrors that happen in other countries are worse, but I am writing about what I know. I cannot say anything about other countries other than I know that there are some truly atrocious things happening to women in a lot of them because I am not educated on those situations. But believe me, I see it.) I see people AFAB lament the horrors of having the female anatomy. The wish to not have periods, or a uterus at all. The constant pressure put on women to look a certain way all the time. To not be too thin or too fat, not have too much hair but have enough that it doesn't look like you're trying too hard, etc. Honestly, the Gloria speech in Barbie is the best one I have ever heard about what it's like to be a woman. I see people expressing disgust at pregnancies, how they never wish to have one because it'll make them look ugly, or because of the complications that come with it. I have seen it, and do see it, all. For the past 7 years I have seen it all.

Can you imagine how much that has f-ed me up? I'm sure you can, because I'm sure it's also true for a lot of you.

All of this has made me hate the idea of being a woman.

When I was in my early years of high school (I'm in the UK and we start high school at 11 and finish at 16) I always said how I would "love to be a boy" because I always saw it as easier. I hated being a girl because everything was so shit. And that carried on into my later years of high school.

As I was introduced to the wonderful different gender identities that exist, I began reading and hearing stories of how trans/non-binary/gender-fluid, etc, people felt before they realised they were what they are. And I thought, "oh, damn. That me." So I began experimenting with labels. But even whilst I did that, whilst I played around with pronouns, names, hairstyles, clothing, I always felt this deep want to wear pretty dresses and have long hair. But I rejected those wants because I was "trans/non-binary/gender-fluid now and if I want those things then I can't be any of those." Which, yes, I know, is very binary of me. I understand that anyone can wear pretty dresses and skirts and have ling, flowy hair that they place sparkly pins in. I know. But you have to understand how damn difficult it is to ignore the stuff you have been taught all your life. I wanted to be called she/her but at the same time rejected those feelings because the thought of being a woman made me sick.

But then I watched the Barbie movie.

Now, I don't remember my childhood much. I don't know if it was what you would call "traditional girlhood." But I know it was good. And I know many AFAB have experienced horrendous childhoods, which hurts me to think about every time. But when I saw the ending of the Barbie movie. When the videos of those girls and women were playing. I felt something in me. I'm sure you've all heard different renditions of how the montage made women feel, and a lot of them is how I would describe how I felt. So, I won't get into it. But just know I felt a shift in me.

As well as that montage, other things in the movie got to me. The inherent femininity of it, for one. I know from discussions with other people, and from seeing many videos/blogs online, that what I'm going to mention is a common experience for a lot of AFAB. I hated the colour pink. Despised it. I only very very recently, before the Barbie movie, began admitting that the colour wasn't so bad. But the Barbie movie made me think that, omg, I might actually love the colour. Alongside the colour pink, I loved the outfits of the Barbies'. They were so freeing to see. As I wrote previously, I wanted to wear pretty skirts and dresses and have pretty hairstyles, but always refused to acknowledge that. Seeing the Barbies' in their overtly feminine clothing (again, I know I'm leaning into gender binary but please give me some slack. It's hard to write when you're not a novelist) made me feel giddy. I saw them and was like "pretty pretty pretty" and not just because all the women were beautiful lmao. It lit up a spark of joy in me seeing them dress in those clothes. That's how I can best describe my feelings. I just suddenly felt that I could wear those things. Weird, huh?

Another thing in the movie is the portrayal of happy older women.

This again links with the video montage, but also links with the old lady at the beginning of the movie saying she knows she's beautiful, with Ruth Handler being so gentle with Stereotypical Barbie and not ridiculing her for being stupid or naive. It also links with Gloria. I freaking loved Gloria. All of these portrayals made me so happy because it gave me a sudden sense of hope that I will be okay one day.

As someone with severe depression and probably autism/ADHD, who doesn't remember not being depressed, that really spoke to me. These women were happy. They were okay with themselves. No, the LOVED themselves. It was beautiful.

This movie healed me, just a bit, and let me make the first real steps to healing fully. I'm still not 100% sure about my gender identity, but tbh I don't quite care. I'm starting to wear makeup often, starting to take care of my body better. I also bought a cute little Stitch dress lmao, and a white, frilly tank-top with purple flowers on it. I'm embracing my feminine side and I've never felt more free.

It's a wonderful feeling. I'm surprised myself that this all came from a Barbie movie. But, at the same time, I think I was beginning to realise this about myself before the movie. Having finished college and not needing to worry about Uni as I'm not going has given me the freedom to actually look at myself, internally, and ask "what do I feel?" Again, linking back to the Barbie movie when Ruth says, "Take my hands...Now, feel." And I have done. I've asked what my brain needs, and it's full of pretty dresses and pretty hairstyles and warmth and a want to live again.

I'm aware that this may seem silly to a lot of people. Maybe even childish. But I don't care. And that's a lot for an 18 year old to say, because many people my age, and older, do care. A lot.

This has just been an introspection, but I chose to share it because maybe it will help other people.

(Also, heavy disclaimer if you got this far. I don't know what terms are still used now, or how they're used. And writing about girl/womanhood and femininity whilst also trying to be inclusive to those who have the female anatomy but don't identify as a woman, and those who don't have the female anatomy but identify as women is very difficult. So, I deeply apologise if I used the term AFAB wrong, or if it is no longer an accepted term. Also, if anything else in this post is wrong/offensive or incorrect, again I'm sorry. Please let me know what is wrong and how to fix it and I will do my best to edit this post with the updated terminology/fixes.)

#this was a doozy #drink some water #stretch #this took me an hour to write #barbie #the barbie movie #barbie 2023 #barbie the movie #barbie movie #barbie spoilers #self introspection #introspection #women #beautiful women #love life again #womens rights #speak up

[pebblysand]

Hello Pebbly,

Firstly I wanted to say sorry for the the hate you’ve been receiving lately. I just don’t understand why people would go out of their way to send death threats because they have a different opinion. It would be a different story if they weren’t allowed the option to be anonymous.

Secondly I wanted to ask a question about the new chapter of Castles. It was said Ginny only started her nightmares after Amycus died. Why do you think that is?

Lastly I’d like to say I adore your writing. Fan fiction or not, you truly have a gift and I’m so honoured that I get to read your beautiful stories

aw thank you anon, you're very sweet ❤️. although to be honest, i do think the issue goes beyond having different opinions, here. because the strangest thing is: i agree with these people 🤣. i fundamentally do also believe that trans rights are human rights. but i don't think that a) sending hate to people on the internet who do disagree with that affirmation is the solution to bigotry, and b) completely disengaging from fandom because of JKR's opinions is the way forward.

firstly, i agree. the fact that these people go on anon is evidence itself of the fact that they know what they're doing is idiotic. i understand being angry (i'm a gryffindor and an enneagram type 8, trust me, i really do), but obviously, all this does is relieve these people's urges for violent speech. it doesn't actually help any of the issues. and, that's fine, i guess if they feel better after dropping me these anons, then i'm happy for them. but, i doubt they do. i think a big part of being a gryffindor is learning where to take your outrage, and how to use it in ways that can make the world a better place. or else, the frustration just ends up eating you from the inside. this is not it.

additionally, as @copper-dust pointed out, fanfiction (and fandom in general) is one of the main ways to get the representation of marginalised groups that may be lacking in the source material. telling people to disengage is nonsensical. and, on a personal level, i must admit i don't relate at all with this trend we're seeing online of disengaging with any form of media (be it tv, books, etc.) that we, as a society, deem "problematic." if i had to cut out everyone i disagree with from my entertainment regimen, there wouldn't be much left. i mean... wait until these people find out like eminem, 🤣. it's hard to do more controversial than that.

personally, i think life is much more interesting when you engage with media critically and are able to use your brain to question the things you might see or read. i love eminem when he talks about fame and his daughter. i hate him when he talks about kim. there's a duality there that i find essential to my experience as a human on this planet. it's about understanding people are complicated and mostly exist on a spectrum. to tell you the truth, i don't necessarily believe in the idea of separating the art from the artist, but i do believe in engaging with art while remaining aware of who the artist is. reading things in a more educated and nuanced way.

i also must admit that i find this way of telling people: 'you mustn't read/watch/etc. [x] because the author is problematic' bizarrely moralising, and it gives me the ick. i grew up catholic and i find this attitude of 'i'm better than everyone else because i don't engage with problematic content' strangely reminiscent of saints and sinners. like: i claim the moral high ground. i am the saint. you are the sinner. and, well, good for you, i guess. i find sinning more interesting. i don't strive to be a role model, and i don't strive to live a perfect life. i'm not really keen on curating my experience of the world to the point that i end up living in a sterile echo chamber. that wouldn't be very interesting to write about and also, if we acknowledge the best in people, we must also acknowledge the worst - or else the good loses its gravitas.

by that same token, this also ultimately makes me "kid of fine" with the fact that these anons exist, in a strange way. they're not nice to get, of course, but i suppose they're allowed to disagree with me. i wish they wouldn't send me death threats about it, and it does make me angry that, doing this, they ultimately harm the people they claim to defend, but it is what it is. i don't think it's for me, as a non-elected individual representing no one but myself, to tell people what they should or should not think, and do or should not do. i do believe in the right of governments, through elected democracies, to regulate speech as a collective (the way certain countries have made racist speech or holocaust denial illegal), but i guess that's a different matter altogether. i wish people would get fined for expressing racist, transphobic, homophobic, murderous, hateful, etc. "opinions," but that is sadly not for me to decide.

.

anyway, apologies for this digression, now onto your question.

It was said Ginny only started her nightmares after Amycus died. Why do you think that is?

i recently re-read this letter from robert and michelle king, the showrunners of the good wife (do not click this link under any circumstance if you have not watched TGW and intend to watch it someday, major spoilers in that letter) where they said:

'We’ve always taken as a guiding principle of this show that drama isn’t in the event; it’s in the aftermath of the event.'

i find this quote incredibly interesting, and it really resonates with me. i suppose as someone who basically 'grew up' (as a writer) on the good wife, it's probably a vision of drama and creative endeavours that has influenced me more than i had realised. after all, i am currently writing about the aftermath of a dramatic event (the war), and to be, that's where the fascinating material is.

i think there's a lot of that in the way ginny's trauma manifests in castles. a reference i also always think of (for castles as a whole, not for this specifically) is series four of peaky blinders where tommy goes on this shootout situation with the italians, manages to come out of it alive and arthur joke-warns him about the fact that he'll get the shakes later, when the adrenaline comes down. i'm interested in that: what it feels like when the shakes come and the adrenaline comes down.

i think for ginny, there's a lot of that: during the war, when she was being assaulted, she was in survival mode. keep your head down, try to survive, do what you have to do, worry about it later. then, she comes out of it and it's like: all that stuff that she's trying to ignore is coming back to haunt her. i actually headcanon that with the chaos of the aftermath of the battle, the press, the way the weasleys were sort of ushered out of hogwarts, having to bury fred, etc. it took her maybe a couple weeks to find out for sure that amycus was dead. i can sort of picture her trying to ask around (people in the order, the DA, etc.) without raising any suspicions and not being able to get a definite answer until the list was confirmed in the press. i think that's when she realises it really is over, you know?

first of all, she realises he is dead, that he won't talk, and that no one will ever find out. she's very worried about her parents, about hurting them, about how other people might see her, about harry - so that's a big relief. and, secondly, she realises that she is free. that he won't come back. and, i think, that is of course a huge weight lifted off her shoulders, but paradoxically it also allows her to let her guard down a little (let the adrenaline come down), and that's when the nightmares come crashing. i think she only get them then because it's the end of war-mode and the start of healing-mode.

.

anyway anon, thanks again for your kind words, i'm so glad you enjoy my writing, and my apologies for taking advantage of your message to rant about Stuff. i hope you have a wonderful day ❤️

#asked and answered #castles

[whyismangososour]

I’m gonna just let out this one last rant real quick before I just block JKR from my tags forever and hopefully never have to speak about this again. Because I’ve been holding in these feelings ever since I made this blog last year and it’s all just coming out in a fit of reblog rage after destroying my mental health for so long. Plus I know I’m just speaking into the void. I just- I need to get these feelings out.

Harry Potter was both the first fandom I was ever in and the first time I fell in love with storytelling. It’s also one of those special pieces of art that kept me alive when I was in the thick of my depression, being bullied relentlessly, and didn’t realize I was queer (with both my sexuality and gender). While I don’t want to spend money on Joanne anymore, she’s not going to fucking stop me from engaging with this story. I have my hand me down copies of the books my parents gave me when I was seven. I have my old merch I got as a gift when I was 12. I have my daydreams and my fanart and A Very Potter Musical and Wizard Rock. I’m not going to buy her dumb wizard game or watch her stupid HBO show. But I’m not going to let Joanne take away this thing I love without a fight. Without Harry Potter, I wouldn’t even be here alive, let alone on Tumblr. And I know I’m not the only one.

To bully people relentlessly for holding onto and reclaiming whatever parts of this story they can that, often, was there for them when no one else was, not only is lacking any nuance and critical thinking, but also is incredibly cruel and is clearly a projection onto others. Plus it’s so clearly driving a complete wedge between people, both in the LGBTQ+ community and those who are just allies. I know I’ve never felt more isolated than I have since Joanne started her tirade and brought on people’s clumsy boycotts.

And listen, I get it. I get it if you’re one of the victims of this systemic abuse Joanne’s caused and you just want to lash out. You want to do anything to stop her. So, you immediately block and shut down anyone who so much as mentions their Hogwarts house in their bio. Because, to you, supporting this story is supporting bigotry which is supporting these hate crimes and legislation. I get it. You don’t have to engage with people who still enjoy Harry Potter. But the depressing fact is that yelling at them to overcorrect and boycott everything that Joanne has touched, not only doesn’t get rid of the problem, but it actively makes it worse. When you are telling people to stop engaging at all with Harry Potter, you are basically telling them that what Joanne is doing is their fault. It’s basically a guilt trip and it’s only going to drive them away from the right advocacy or force them into it unwillingly (and if you’re forcing someone into advocacy then that isn’t real advocacy).

And the thing is, Joanne knows this. That’s why she claims so adamantly that people who enjoy her work are supporting her. She knows it’s driving a wedge between us and therefore distracting us from the actual, visceral harm she is contributing towards. She actively encourages it because it’s taking some of the blame away from her for a change. Meanwhile, there are god knows how many trans people actively dying everyday and fighting over a slightly outdated children’s book series from the 2000s isn’t going to change that.

It doesn’t mean you have to enjoy it or engage with it at all. Really, that’s up to personal choice. But what it does mean is that each of us has the responsibility to be there for each other no matter what. And it also means we have the responsibility to stay as educated as much as possible. This doesn’t mean erasing the books from our cultural history (another thing that makes it worse). Nor does it mean obsessively doom scrolling about every hate crime committed against the queer community. No, it means befriending different people, talking to those with different experiences, donating money when you can, reading up on trans and queer history, and goddamn it, maybe it even means writing queer Harry Potter fanfiction. Just as long as you don’t forget who the real enemy is because it’s not each other. It’s the people in power that Joanne forgot she clumsily advocated against in her dumb books. The type of person she has now turned into. Don’t you ever forget it.

#rant #harry potter #joanne kathleen rowling #jkr #jk rowling #trans rights #lgbtq+ #genderqueer #protect trans kids #critical thinking is sexy #and so is being kind to one another #thank you

[wolfsbanesparks]

I really, really love your fanfic Split. You tackle the concept of identity quite well, and it really feels authentic to the spirit of Billy Batson and Captain Marvel. You capture each character's voice so well that it is seamless when read; I could hear and visualize each character speaking or doing an action.

I wonder how you realistically portray the internal and external conflicts regarding their gender, autonomy, and bond.

Did you draw it from your own life, research, or people you know? It is quite a personal question you do not have to answer; I was just curious. I would also like to ask what would be the best way to portray that relationship accurately—as you do—so the process feels more like representation and not appropriation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Oh wow, thank you so much! This honestly made my day!💜💜💜

I'll try my best to answer your questions and give some tips. But some things are just hard to put into words you know?

Under the cut because it got pretty long.

I would say that I don't often base things purely on my own experiences, but my life, the stories I've heard or read, the people I've met, all inform how I write and what I write.

So I am Agender and I was assigned female at birth. I'm also aromantic and asexual, so I have spent a lot of time in queer spaces both online and irl. Which means ive had a lot of opportunities to talk to and learn from people with different experiences with gender and sexuality than my own. My journey of self discovery was honestly pretty easy with very little gender dysphoria and a lot of acceptance from people around me.

When I wrote Captain Marvel having very little connection to gender with no real preference for pronouns, just sort of accepting people's assumptions of his gender based on his looks, that's me. My connection to gender is extremely loose, basically nonexistent, but i dont really care if people know that or not. It's not the most common experience but it is my experience. And I thought it would make sense to apply that to my version of Captain Marvel because he has had many different forms, but his expression depended on his hosts and their ideas of gender.

When I'm writing about Billy’s struggles with gender, I often take my own experiences of being AFAB mixed with things I've learned from the trans masc community. I'm not trans masc myself, but there are certain parts that resonate with me that I include. Honestly I'm often nervous when posting chapters that focus heavily on that because, like you, I want to be both accurate and respectful. But so far the responses I've gotten are overwhelmingly positive.

And my thoughts on Billy and Captain Marvel’s relationship has evolved since I first started writing them. They know each other completely and they wouldn’t be who they are now without the other’s influence. The character of Captain Marvel is incomplete with Billy Batson and vice versa. Portraying that in a fic has been one of the major challenges of writing Split but is also the main reason the fic exists in the first place.

Drawing on older golden age comics, Billy and Captain Marvel are basically the ultimate tag team and each other’s biggest supporters. But they had distinct differences and on rare occasions got into arguments about how to live as one person.

When I write them, I try to highlight that Captain Marvel is more mature with a lot more lived experience that he draws on. But that doesn’t mean Billy is immature. Far from it. But he is a kid who doesn't really trust most adults and that leads to him making certain decisions that are more reckless.

In Split they are trying very hard to keep up appearances, but despite their combined experience neither really knows what would be considered normal. There's a certain amount of being out of touch or misinformed that makes their characters more endearing to me.

If you want to write them yourself (and I would always encourage people to go for it!) I suggest deciding early on what parts of Billy cross over to Cap. Figures of speech (ex: holy moley!), body language (do they both put their hands on their hips when confident or rub the back of their neck when embarrassed?), morality (what lines can and can't be crossed), and certain likes and dislikes would be a good start. From there decide what's unique to each of them. For example I often have Cap be more skilled at/knowledgable of magic even if Billy also studies magic, but is also pretty shy around other people. Billy on the other hand is more likely to curse and question authority but is also better at talking to people and connecting with them.

As a final note of advice, if you want to write about identities or experiences that you don't have: read about and talk to people who do. Whether it's fiction, blog posts, biographies, academic papers--all can help you get a more well rounded idea of what it's like and how you respectfully portray it. If you're still unsure, look for a sensitivity reader who can look over your work and help you make your story the respectful and realistic portrayal you want it to be. I'd even be willing to do that for you for things I felt qualified for. I know it's hard to take that leap sometimes but I promise it's worth it!

Whew! That was long and maybe a little rambling but I hoped it answered your questions!

#fanfic asks #my writing #Billy Batson #shazam #dc captain marvel #ask me whatever you want y'all #lots of rambling that i hope makes sense

[hypermoyashi]

AHOY! READER ASK MEME TIME. A2, B4, B7, C9, D6, D10 :]

Hello!!! Thank you so much!!!

A2. How did you find your first fic?

I think I was between the ages of 10 and 12 and I was googling about Inuyasha and a fic popped up. I think I wanted to see what happened after the anime cut off and discovered fanfiction to fill that whole through google of all things. That was how I found ff.net.

B4. Who is your current favourite author? What is their best story?

HO BOY this is a hard one. I've generally really enjoyed a lot of writers, so I'm gonna cheat here and name multiple (fair warning that it is All Trigun at the moment because that is what I currently have brain worms for):

The Celestial Evening Series by tragic_unpaired_electron

kinder, gentler by skittidyne

before tomorrow ends by chuuyasoup

in the woods somewhere by halfdemonvash

In the Next Life by orcelito

come and see by avoidingavoidance

There are, of course, lots of other fics I love in other fandoms, but these are ones that have stuck out to me and currently make my brain go brr. There are probably lots of really good one-shots I'm missing because I tend to get brain worms more over longer fics, too. This list also probably has a bias towards fics I've followed a long time, because the longfics and one-shots I binged over a few days are ones I have a harder time remembering, though I do tend to go back and reread them.

B7. Which character is your favourite to read about? Why?

Right now? It's 100% Vash. Not only does the fact that the fandom largely writes him as trans or at least Not Cis make my enby, doesn't identify with my gender assigned at birth self very happy, but he's honestly such a complex and interesting character. There are so many different interesting things you can do with him, and there are a lot of subtle aspects of his character you can really dig into in fanfiction. I'm also just... a sucker for characters with a lot of struggles getting support systems, hurt/comfort tropes, and found family tropes, all of which Vash is great for.

C9. What show did you really try to watch, but you just couldn’t?

Hmmmmm there are a lot? I've completed 300~400 anime in my lifetime, not even counting Other Kinds of Shows, but I've dropped more than I've finished. Naruto comes to mind because I think I watched maybe 500 episodes of that for a friend, and like, I liked parts of it, but it was such an inconsistent watching experience that I ended up never really liking or really finishing it. I didn't have nostalgia to get me through it lol.

D6. How many bookmarks do you have?

612 right now! Granted, I've had my AO3 account for about ten years now, so it's not too impressive when you factor in how long it's taken me to get there.

D10. What is one story idea you really want to read but no one has written yet?

This one is haaaard because if no one is writing an idea I want to read, then I tend to write it myself. I guess a Vashwood SWAP AU is one? I technically haven't posted the Vashwood part of my SWAP AU, so I would say it counts lol. But on a serious note, I think there are a lot of cool AUs that would work really well for Trigun, but I don't see too many that try to take new and fun takes on the characters. I've seen a couple here and there, but a lot of people tend to stick pretty closely to canon. Which is great! Lots of really great fics like that out there! But it's also fun to just get wild with it sometimes, so I'd like to see more AU fics that just go ham and have fun with some outlandish and creative ideas.

Thank you again for the all the questions!!! It was really fun answering all of these!!

[ Fic Reader Ask Meme ]

#ask meme #chiye21 #Trigun #can I tag this as Trigun? #I think I ramble enough about Trigun to have earned that lol #long post

[explosionshark]

Hi! It's me, writing advice seeking anon, again. First off all, I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such awesome and kind and helpful advice!! I'm an awkward and super shy noodle and reaching out to people is hard, but I definitely need to start commenting more on fics I love. You writers have certainly earned it, I just need to get brave enough to do it! I definitely owe you comments on your fic, and you'll be getting those very soon! And not just because you said to, but because I have been meaning to but just kept putting it off cause talking to people is kinda scary haha. Thank you for your lovely work!! I also really like the idea that finished is better than perfect will ever be. I'm definitely a perfectionist and keep holding onto all these half-finished fics I have and never sharing because I can't get them exactly how I want, so I definitely needed that advice. If you don't mind, I had one more question for you. Do you think there's a place for trans non-binary Buffy fics in this fandom? I won't fill your inbox with my Buffy Summers + gender identity head canons (unless you want that? cause then I'm super excited to share!) so to keep it simple, whether it fits in canon or is a complete AU, do you think you and other people would read nb Buffy + their gf Faith fics? At least half of my writing contains trans Buffy, and I'm not sure how that will be received, and it makes it a little scarier to share. Being non-binary myself, these stories are deeply connected to and parts of me, they pull from parts of my own experiences, and they're ways for me to write about the characters I love (and the parts of myself I see in the characters I love) which is extra special to me as someone who can't come out irl currently. On the flip side of that coin, it makes rejection even scarier, which makes posting harder, and makes me wanna keep all my stories locked up tight, just in case they aren't received well. Still, I think I'd enjoy sharing my writing if there are other people out there besides myself who are interested and who also would enjoy reading about two of our favorite characters being in love and exploring gender identity, and so I appreciate your honest thoughts and feedback!

Hey! Sorry for the late response, I had a rough week and didn't have time to get to this.

Going to put this under a cut because my answer got long but tl;dr - Yes, write and post the fic if you want to share it! I think it's worthwhile. But be careful about attaching too much of your own confidence and self worth to how a bunch of strangers in fandom receive anything you create.

More details under here:

I absolutely, 100% believe there's a space for trans/nb fics in this fandom, with any character. The cool thing about writing is you don't need anyone's permission - you can just do what you want. You can do whatever! It's the best!

And it's perfectly normal to put some of yourself into the writing - it makes sense that you're more invested and the work feels more personal when you're drawing from your own life and experiences. I think that's pretty par for the course for most writers. What I do want to discourage is feeling rejected personally for the way your fic may or may not be received.

I think you might have some ideas about what "success" looks like in the fic community and it would probably be good to reframe that. Any time you get to engage with another fan about your work in a way that's positive for you both, should be the baseline for your success. If that's a few kudos, or some good comments, or number of hits, or people sending you nice asks about it, or private messages - all of that should be success. Having your work available on a platform for anyone to read and feeling good about the work you put into it - that should be success.

Popularity should not be regarded as success because there's a bunch of different factors at play in how popular a fic or a writer becomes in a given space. Quality of writing is only one: the content of the story having a broad appeal or a niche one, the number of active fans at the time, and a bunch of other things also play a role.

Part of the reason I recommend getting into the habit of being an active reviewer and engaging with fans under a consistent name is that if you're looking to build an audience you have to become a known quantity. I'm not a hugely popular writer, in terms of sheer numbers, but I've been at it with this handle for a while and I'm active in the fandom. I've had people read my work because they like me in other fandoms, because I left them thoughtful feedback, because we struck up a friendship unrelated to what I'm writing and they got curious.

Don't take lack of a big audience to mean your work isn't good. Some of my favorite things I've ever written have barely any reviews - because I was writing in a dead fandom, or for a ship no one cares about, or regarding a subject no one else was really interested in. That's fine. That doesn't mean the work was bad. If you go into this specifically looking for outside validation or to become a BNF out the gate, you're gonna make yourself crazy.

That said, I understand how writing about trans interpretations of a character makes you nervous. I've only been active in this fandom for about a year - I've meet cool trans and non-binary people through it and I haven't seen much harassment on any grounds (but I'm also very much experiencing the fandom in a bubble). I've seen other nb character fics in the fandom, so you're definitely not alone. Your fic is absolutely worth writing and it's worth sharing - but please don't assess the validity or the importance or the worth of what you're doing base on how much interest a bunch of cis people have in the concept.

If you're worried about harassment or negative reception, ao3 has a few tools to help. You can turn off anonymous comments, forcing commenters to be logged in. Any logged in users can be blocked. You can also use comment moderation, which means you have to approve every comment before they show up on the website.

I am a cis lesbian and none of my fics are particularly challenging to popular fanon that's existed for decades. They've been well received because the subject matter appeals to a broad audience. I'm also not especially close to the stories, in the way you're describing - I have fun writing them, I want the work to be good so I can be understood as a capable writer, but I wouldn't say I'm engaging with anything in myself that's especially personal or intimate that I'm afraid of rejection for.

All of the advice I can give is going to be impacted by and limited by these aspects of myself.

But with that as a disclaimer, I hope I haven't discouraged you. I want you to get out there and post your fic and have a good experience in this fandom! I think there are people who would really value what you want to do. I can't guarantee you anything, but I think if it's something you clearly want to do, that you're passionate about, that's all the reason you need to go for it.

Best of luck! Take care!

#replies #writing advice anon

[hahahax30]

Honestly, reading Lili Elbe's *actual* memoir, I have come to the conclusion that the Danish girl's author is more fucked up than I had thought.

He treats Lili's sporadic nosebleeds as a fantastic aspect of the story, as if her intersex condition had granted her a mini uterus in her nostrils, when in reality it was most likely a result of the anxiety/stress her dysphoria brought in (literally a two-minute search will tell you you can bleed from stress and anxiety), because they were only present when 'Einer' came forth, never when she was embodying Lili; with Lili everything was happiness and tranquility. And he doesn't even *mention* the 'mysterious fits of depression [...] and violent pains [...] disconcerting fits of sobbing' (a direct quote) that came with those nosebleeds, and which he would have somewhat explained them when, physically, Lili was fine. Instead he just implies the nosebleeds are there because she has rudimentary ovaries, and that's low-key infuriating.

Not to say that he completely sexualised Lili's childhood? The only actual thing she did as a child was get into fights to proof she could be 'like the other boys' and play with her sister's dolls when no one but her sister was looking. She didn't have a friend whose penis she gawked at 24/7 nor who tried to assault her at like 11.

Just, please, I wish I could get the Danish girl out of the market and erase it from existence. Or at least have a preface written by one of the numerous trans women (which I'm not lol, but I'll leave one under the cut) who've rightfully complained about how horrible the book is, because I know the Danish girl gets randomly recommended to people who have had no contact with trans people in their lives in order to 'understand' trans women, and that's fucked up.

By Gwen Sund:

I hate this book on so many levels. I will say one good thing. It is a very well written book. The prose is lovely and the author does a good job with descriptions. His handling of the characters and parts of the plot though are pretty offensive. I will not go too far into the history and how inaccurate this book is because as the author mentions in his afterwards Lili Elbe is the only character based off of a real person. Everyone else is completely made up. It's okay that the story isnt' true to life, but that opens up an entirely different terrible can of worms that I'll get into. The order of events is different, how things turn out is different. This is "Base on a Real Event" in the same way Exorcist 2: Bazuzoo Boogalu is based on a real event. There will be some spoilers, so if that bugs you stop reading here. Just know I can't recommend this book in any way. I barely recommend the movie, but at least that doesn't have as many issues.

My biggest problem with this book is the handling of Lili. This author made up pretty much the entire story, so even if there might be historical context for some of the details he still chose to describe Lili the way that he did. I am a trans woman and I found his handling of her to be one of the most offensive that I have ever read. He treats her being trans as multiple personality disorder. Since he chose and created so much of the story I'm not going to give historical leeway on this. He chose to do that. Trans people do not experience their identities that way. We are the same person before and after transition. It's not like a demon possession story where over the story the demon slowly starts taking over. It would have been so much more powerful to have Lily come to terms with herself and her past. Have her find a way to love herself in her own skin. Something more true to the trans experience. This story is nearly entirely fiction, so there's no reason why the story couldn't be told in a more positive supportive manner.

And that point ties into another thing. This book won the Lambda Literary Award for Transgender Fiction. For one the author is cisgender so why didn't the award go to a trans author. They existed. Susan Striker, Jennifer Finney Boylan, Kate Bornstein, and Leslie Feinberg were all actively writing in the year 2000. And that's just a few trans authors at the time. There were plenty more. On top of that the book is very bad at showing the trans experience. It is a slap in the face. I can't even say 2000 was a different time and Lambda Literary has moved on from that because after the Danish Girl movie came out they worked with this author again to help him set up a trans charity. They support this story. They still support it. That sucks. I hate it.

One more thing with the handling of Lili is that she has no agency in this story. People keep making decisions for her, they move her around, they treat her like a child, and they make medical decisions for her. The only decision she makes in this book is the one that killed the real life Lili. Some how Greta is treated like she's supposed to be this super supportive partner, but she just controls Lili to death. There's a part in the book where Greta starts telling Einar to become Lili constantly. Not to be supportive but because Greta has become famous for painting Lili and she constantly wants Lili to model for more paintings. What in the world is supportive about that? Greta literally uses Lili for personal financial gain to the detriment of Lili's mental and physical health. Multiple times Lili asks to stop and is told to stay put.

While we're on the topic of Greta let's just talk about how weird that character is. She is very loosely based on Lili's real life partner Gerda. She was a famous painter that was part of the Art Nouveau movement. She is an important painter in history and for some reason she is turned into this bland concerned straight lady. She is so much more than that and I suggest anyone reading this maybe look up some information about her. The end of her life is sad as hell, but the real life Gerda is so much more interesting that Greta.

Speaking of endings I don't understand why the author changed Greta's true life story so much that she gets to live happy and rich while Lili still ends up sad, lonely, and probably dead from having a uterus transplanted into her. Why the hell did he go out of his way to give so many of the cis characters happy lives only to keep the trans character's sad ending? Why? That's awful. That isn't support or visibility. That is voyeurism. "Look at the old school trans woman that thought she could give birth and died. Oh isn't that weird?" Screw that. If everyone else gets happy endings then cut the last chapter, and have Lili exit the story with the guy that asked her to marry him. Have them go off to New York and live to be happy. This is fiction, give fiction Lili the chance to be who real life Lili didn't get the chance to be.

I hate this book. I hate how many awards it has gotten. I hate that so many cisgendered people have made money on this story. I hate it. I don't necessarily hate the author, I just hate this story. Why did I make myself read the entire thing?!

#lili elbe #david ebershoff #man into woman