#i love my wips to death but i can’t write if i don’t have a specific vision for how a scene goes in my head

[aka-libby]

Counting Our Regrets

Aki Hayakawa x gn!reader | established relationship | semi-canon  [ domestic tooth rotting!fluff + angst (with happy ending/comfort) ]

Word count: 4.3k

Warning(s): mentions/implied topic of de*th, insecurities about love, VERY BRIEF mentions about rough past regarding home life

Summary: Aki hated you at first but after a series of events his view on you changed. Now you’re together as a couple, with the regrets of wasting all that time hating and being avoidant of the inevitable spark you had. Yet even with these regrets on the both of you, it’s when you’re in his apartment having dinner like any other night that he finally realized how he truly feels about you.

A/N: So I have a story in the WIP folder that explains their past and how they became the couple here in this fic. There is a LOT to unfold and it’s honestly a drain to write angst and pain all the time SOOOOO I would write this fic when I’m bored and somehow I finish this one first…. so now here we are. I do hope it’s not confusing but hints enough context for readers to understand the development of the two. Plus I’m WAYYYYY too impatient to wait to post this cause I’m so PROUD OF IT UGH.

Anyways enjoy.

“Is it weird that I still get a bit nervous every time he invites me over for dinner?”

Your friend laughs over the phone. “Really?! It’s been so long now. Just breathe and treat it like any other time you guys are together.”

You’re glaring at them, even though they can’t see it. “I’m serious. You know how the past was, we hated each other… well he hated me. I don’t blame him though, it was in every way my fault for how things are but… still.” 

Your friend probably heard the change in your tone towards the end. The mischievous aura drips from them. “I understand but the situation has changed now. You stopped being a lil brat and he realized the amazing person that you are underneath it. He fell for you instantly, I see it and am reminded of it everyday when I see you two in the same room.”

“Really?” You are curious now about what they meant. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t see it?” The utter disbelief from their tone surprises you more. “The way he looks at you speaks millions. Like a moth lured to a bright ass light. I believe it.”

You smile as your chest lightens from the doubts slipping off you. Their words really eased your mind. “That’s… cute.” Images of Aki flash in your mind of all the times he would get embarrassed when caught showing any form of affection. “He’s really sweet.”

“He is and it is cute but also utterly revolting.” They gag through the phone. “You two are so lovesick for one another and yet SOOOO oblivious at the same time. My eyes get cavities from seeing you two within the same radius.”

The both of you chuckle a bit before they bids their farewell. “Now go in and enjoy the dinner, okay? Tell me more about it later.”

“I will. See you soon.” You say before ending the call.

The grip on the plastic bags you have to your side tightens as you take a deep breath in and out. You know more than anyone this night will be just like any other night. Just a casual dinner with 2 co-workers/friends and your boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

Your lips form into a soft smile as the title lingers in your head. It feels too surreal to be together now after a year of discord between you and Aki. Then a time period of uncertainty of what kind of relationship you guys had. It was the result of the change with his thoughts about you and your thoughts about life. With Himeno’s death being the catalyst to it all.

It doesn’t help that both of you have gone through great suffering revolving around death. Life is unfair to both of you. His family was taken away so suddenly by a worldwide Devil attack while yours…

Agh, the thought hurts too much to think about.

Even with all the hurt, pain, and self projecting in denial of the truth of it all you two somehow ended up here, together. It made you happy to realize that after so long but so late. With time still ticking every single second, it’s only sooner than later that both your lives could end so suddenly.

With Aki’s time limit down to 2 years and yours still in the air, anything could happen at any moment. It was hard carrying the regret of projecting your trauma and fear of abandonment to the relationships around you. How you pushed others away to protect them and yourself. It wasn’t fair to you or your comrades.

They never got to meet the real you.

Your thoughts are cut from the feral screech coming from behind Aki’s door. You know all too well who it was, and you smile softly from the moment, as it reminds you to be present in the present. No time to dwell on your regrets, it will only waste more of your limited time.

You are with Aki now, that’s all that matters.

Finally, you take the last few steps over to Aki’s door. Knuckles barely hovering over the door before it’s busted open.

Power cheers out your name as she pulls you in for a half hug, arm over your shoulder. Her eyes don’t meet yours, instead they’re on the bags at your sides. “You brought food for me?! I'm STARVIN.” 

“Hey!” a familiar voice echoes from inside. “That’s no way to treat guests!”

Power is quick to nag back at him with a roll of her eyes before taking the bags out of your hands. “Allow me!” She excitedly offers but you know there are other intentions behind her kindness. Your head shakes from her obvious facade.

Walking into the Hayakawa Residence, you instantly envelop yourself in the comforting feeling of your second home. The smell of the three housemates and the aroma of home cooked food wafts into your nose causing your previous insecurities to flee. Is this what it's like to be at ease? You’re pretty sure it is by how safe you feel once the door closes behind you.

Turning around the corner, you see Aki casually stirring a mixture of veggies in a savory sauce in a wok. It instantly waters your mouth. “Hi Love.” You greet walking over to where he is in front of the stovetop.

It was then you realize what your friend’s comment meant earlier, about how Aki looks at you. His eyes instantly shine with adoration and his body is fully turned towards you, letting go of whatever he was focused on to meet you halfway. Once you’re within his grasp, he pulls you into a hug and kisses the top of your head.

“Hello love, was the trip here okay? I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up.” He apologizes before rubbing your back soothingly.

Shaking your head to look up, you reassure him with a smile. “It’s fine, don't worry. I can’t expect you to always pick me up and host a dinner.”

“I know but I would rather do it knowing you are safe than for you to take a taxi or walk here.” He tells you softly with his arms now draped over waist, his hands interlocked behind you. Blue eyes still looking at you. “Next time I’ll open my schedule up to do so.”

You instantly shake your head. “No, you’ve done too much for me.”

He looks at you softly, almost bittersweetly. “It feels like I haven’t done enough.”

Your lips are already on his nose before he could continue. “You’re perfect.”

Those insecurities leave him and it’s replaced by the previous admiration he first had when you walked into his field of view. Instead of replying, he just pulls you in for another tight hug, his cheek now on top of your head. His indirect way of saying many things with one action.

You mean the world to me.

I appreciate you.

Thank you.

Pulling back from the hug to check up on the veggies he was stirring earlier, you point towards the living room, where Power and Denji lay as they go through the plastic bag you brought. “I hope you don’t mind but I brought some extra food I prepared yesterday and sweets.”

“Mmm you didn’t have to. I made extra food too.” He explains as he tosses the veggies around the sauce, evenly coating each cut piece. “But I do appreciate it, thank you love.”

I smile and wrap an arm around his torso. “I don’t mind. It was going to rot in my fridge anyways with how often I eat here. Plus, you have 2 extra mouths to feed.” 

His soft eyes gloss over to you, and he can’t help but feel the need to kiss the side of your head. “You’re the best.”

“Oi! Can you cook faster and stop flirting so much!” I hear Denji yell from across the place. Aki’s soft feature forms a frown as he goes to scold Denji for interrupting the moment.

Just now remembering you had more people in the room, you walk off to where the other two reside. Both are already munching on the baked goods you’ve brought, happily enjoying it while watching their show.

“Like em?” You ask Denji as you sit down next to Power. Her cat senses your presence, immediately heading over to you, purring happily under your loving touches. “Hi cutie.” 

Without taking his eyes off the screen, he replies back with his mouth stuffed. “Therwe realu-

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” Aki scolds from the kitchen.

“Whamever.” He dismisses but gulps it down anyways before continuing. “Good ass…” He draws a blank. You watch the way the gears in his mind slowly rotate as they try to put together a coherent sentence. “Good ass goods!”

Power slams her hand flat onto his back, repeatedly slapping him, and causes poor Denji to choke mid consumption of the said goods. Her boisterous laugh echoes within their flat. “You sound more stupid than usual!” She hollers out then starts shaking him.

He starts to cough from all the sudden movements and finally dryly swallows the food. Despite watching Denji almost choke, you can’t help but laugh from watching the events unfold. They really were siblings by heart.

As the conversation slowly dies, Aki takes this opportunity to step outside to smoke. Everyone sits comfortably in the ambience. With the sound of the Tokyo nightlife and the lowered volume of the TV playing some random channel, it really lured everyone to a relaxed state of mind.

It could be the combination of good food and it being quite late into the night that caused both Denji and Power to pass out on the ground. Your buzzy self smiles at the sight of them, so peaceful from the food coma. The whole environment feels so… nice.

It was somewhat odd for you. Your body is aware of the empty space where your walls and guard used to be. Not really used to this feeling of being safe and secure. Growing up in a chaotic and unstable household really puts a toll on you and your point of view on what a safe home should make you feel.

In a way, you never really felt at “home” before.

The silence you’re used to in your own apartment isn’t much different compared to what you’re currently experiencing now, but it makes you feel different. You don’t feel lonely or alienated. You feel…. comfortable. You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact you are now just appreciating what a domestic life is like, but it’s a new foreign feeling. Nonetheless, it’s not unwelcome, it’s more than welcome.

You hope this doesn’t come to an end anytime soon.

Taking in a sip of the alcohol of your choice, your eyes pick up on the mess that surrounds you. Dirty plates, unfinished platters of food, both used and unused napkins sprawled over the table. Overall it was just messy, but honestly this is what's expected from a late night dinner with Power and Denji involved.

Without another thought, you stood up with your wobbly tipsy legs and started to clean up. Picking up the empty cans and garbage as you scout the room for more.

“Hey.” Aki calls out for you, head just barely poking into the apartment.

You look up at him, an empty beer can in hand. “Hey.” You greet, confused.

His brows lowered from your response. “I wasn’t saying hi. What’re you doing?”

“Oh.” A giggle escapes from your lips from your tipsy brain. You continue to pick up the beer cans and toss them into the recycling bag. “Cleaning up.” You answer simply.

“You’re a guest.” He starts off walking towards you and takes the bag. “You should be relaxing.”

“You hosted this Aki, in your own home. The least I can do is help clean up just a bit.” You explain then immediately start to stack all the dirty dishes. “How about you get the garbage and I’ll do the dishes. Hm? How does that sound?” 

Leaving no room for him to argue further, you leave the living room and head to the kitchen. Aki watches as you walk away happily with the stack of dishes in hand. You look over to him once, an eyebrow raised from his stare.

“What?” You ask as you hold a soapy dish sponge in one hand and a dirty plate in the other, scrubbing away the grim and food off the plates one by one.

A lot of thoughts are running through his mind but he makes no attempt to show it. He just shrugs and chuckles. “Nothing.”

Both of you fall back into comfortable silence. Only breaking it to drop a couple of small talk here and there. With the TV still running in the back, now on the news channel. You make notes on a few topics the news anchor mentions and Aki does the same, feeling comfortable with the surface level talks. 

Nothing about this was new to either of you. You always offer freely to clean up when invited over and Aki follows up by refusing you from doing so. A routine both of you are accustomed to for the past couple of months. In some way, you should feel content or happy being with someone who flows with you so easily and has grown accustomed to you over time.

But as your thoughts simmer a bit longer, a bitter side to all of this comes around. You’re reminded of the reality you’re truly in. Both you and Aki’s death are determined when you both sign your life away to Public Safety. With Aki being two years left and yours possibly just as short.

The unwavering and daunting feeling never goes away and always ruins moments like these you want to cherish and really be in, to really exist in. No matter how much you try to avoid it, the feeling was and is always there. It doesn’t help that a good chunk of your time with Aki was wasted on avoiding getting to this intimate point in your relationship.

The person you were back then would’ve looked down on you. How could you give in to these selfish desires? Get into a relationship with someone knowing the limited time you have left. It wasn’t fair to them or you. A cruel ending to have to anyone. So you did what at the time felt like the best thing to do, barricaded yourself from the world.

You were committed to keeping a facade up. A mock up personality to shield you and others from getting close to you. You hoped you could keep up with it long enough that one day you leave this world and feel relief no one would experience grief like you did. 

Sadly even with trying to avoid the inevitable, you landed in the worst possible position ever. To end up regretting what you did and having to accept the conditions your fear set out for you. If only you gave up sooner than later. Maybe just maybe you would have enjoyed more of these moments with Aki.

“You okay?”

Your head whips to him, ocean eyes hold much concern. “Yeah why?”

He frowns, not convinced at all. “You’re shaking.”

It’s when he mentions it that you realized your shaky hands. Instantly you shove whatever lingering thought you had left and try to play it off as something else, despite knowing he wouldn’t believe you. “Just….” You trail off drawing a blank for an excuse.

“If you’re going to lie, at least make it believable.” He scolds but his actions don’t mirror his words as he pulls you in for an embrace. “There’s something bothering you. You can talk to me, you know?”

You have… Already. It was a topic that was brought up quite often between the two of you. It was hard to really fully walk past the topic. No advice or form of communication would really ease the both of you of what’s yet to come. But it does in some way help temporarily. At least, until you come back to the same thought again like now.

A sigh leaves your lips when you snuggle closer into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around his large frame. “You already know what it is.”

The same sigh leaves his lips as his grip tightens. “I’m here nonetheless.”

Much to his response, it does say a lot. Both of you fall into another routine. Where one would be reminded of the ticking time bomb and the other comes around to comfort them. Neither of you felt the need to speak more with how often it happens. It was a silent way of saying “I’m tired of this too, but just know I’m here for you if you wanna talk more. Just say it and I’ll be here to listen.”

After a few moments, you finally pull back to look at him. A bittersweet smile on your lips. “Thank you.”

His arms never leave you. Instead, they are holding the sides of your arms, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into you. “Anytime.”

Finishing up the last bit that was needed to be done, you both head out to the balcony. You pulled a bit of the curtain from inside to shield where his dingy white lawn chair was on his balcony. A simple but not really effective way to have some privacy from the sleeping children. As you close the sliding glass door, the chills of the night are apparent on your bare arms.

Aki sits down first then signals for you to take the spot on his lap. “Sit, I’m not making you stand.”

Well, you can’t really deny such a tempting offer. You smile at him before doing just that. Both of you adjust yourselves a bit before settling comfortably in the current position. Your head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your waist, and fingers intertwined on your lap. 

The soft buzz of the night life from his quiet neighborhood drowns out your thoughts as you stare aimlessly at the street lights. His arm that was once on your waist now hoists up just below your upper back. He pulls you in closer.

“Hm?” You question the sudden movement.

Aki is silent for a few seconds before talking. “I was just thinking.”

You return the same silence before saying. “Care to elaborate?”

“I…” He pauses, unsure how to say what he wants to say. 

There was just too much to say and too little of the time to say it at that moment. No amount of words or poems could describe the cloud 9 feeling he gets when he sees you there, just existing in his world. It reminds him so much of everything that it overwhelms his mind and makes him draw a blank during moments like this.

Where he wants to say everything but can’t.

So many words and sentences just zoom around him like dust in the air getting blown until it turns into a tornado. Every fleeting thought gets thicker and stronger. It consumes his mind and he can’t choose nor figure out what he wants to say during moments like these. What’s something that could just say everything he needs to say all at once? To tell you he appreciates you. Wants to stay like this with you forever. To continue to live in each other's presence until time stops him for good.

To see you come through that damn door again with a big smile and sparkling eyes as you hold bags of food in both your hands happily. While greeting him with that god forsaken fucking melodic voice of yours.

It hits him.

It’s so simple but it finally hits him.

He looks down at you, meeting your eyes one last time as his nervousness clogs his own throat. The phrase in itself is simple but the meaning is so heavy, so meaningful to him that it almost scares him away from being able to say it. But it’s the only thing that really describes this feeling he feels for you.

God he should really shut up and just say-

“I love you.”

He watches closely to the way your face reacts to this statement, both out of fear and excitement. It’s when he sees the way your eyes get slightly glossy and your cheeks burn bright in warm hues like a sunrise that he reflects the same expression with the biggest smile.

Not much is said. Only the sound of multiple pecks and tender kisses from Aki as he covers your whole face with love. You giggle like a lil highschool girl from all the affection. After almost basically covering 90% of your face in kisses, you finally get a word in. Feeling overwhelmed from joy and love.

“I love you too.” You finally say, holding his face close til your noses are just barely touching. “I… Never thought you could ever love me.”

He understands very well what you meant by that. Given the history between the two of you, but he doesn’t care. At least at this moment he doesn’t. The rays of pure unfiltered feeling of love is all too consuming and subtly blinds him from truly acknowledging the double meaning to your statement.

“We have gone off on the wrong foot and I know we both regret heavily how late it is to be in this position.” He starts off in a whisper then tilts his head slightly to rub the side of your noses, lips barely hovering over yours. “But to me, in this very moment with you, without all the worries we had been dealing with before for weeks. Hell fucking months!” Raising his tone just a bit to playfully emphasize the last part of his statement. “I know for sure I love you. The person here on my lap. The body that holds your beautiful heart and the beautiful heart that holds your soul. From every bit and piece of you, that is all for me to love until I can no longer feel.”

You feel your face get more red with every word being said. It absolutely stuns you to the core and you can’t get your mind to put together a sentence or a single word to say. You’re not used to this true unadulterated form of love. It completely fried your brain, and the only response or reaction you gave were tears.

“I…” You first choke out. “I didn’t do anything special.” You sob out. The big insecure part of you is in some way confused by his declaration. “All I’ve done is hurt you, Aki. I don’t understand.”

He quickly adjusts your positions enough to fully face you from above. Your eyes are bloodshot red, cheeks wet from tears. It’s so painful to see the doubts you’ve had hidden from him resurface but he doesn’t mind. Cause you’re you. He loves you for you, therefore he loves all that comes with you.

Aki starts to kiss your tears and gently guides you to sit up on his lap. Both his hands on your cheeks, wiping the remaining falling tears with his thumbs.

“Hurt is inevitable. We’re human, hurting others will always happen whether we intended to or not. I forgive you love, because I understand what it’s like to be scared of connecting. Especially in the field we’re working in.” His voice is tender and gentle, reassuring you with much sincerity.

He takes the time to really admire every little detail about you. How your hair frames your face. The little scratches and scars from Devil attacks on the cheeks he loves to kiss. How your eyes hold every single emotion that shapes the person you are today.

Your entire being is everything to him.

“You were made to be loved. I don’t care what person or experience made you believe you weren’t but I’m telling you this now sincerely that you were made to be loved inside and out.” 

As each word escapes his lips, he can’t help but inch your face closer and closer and closer until his lips just barely hover over yours.

“Especially by me.”

There was a part of you that wanted to scream at him for lying. For spewing out such bullshit to you at this moment. Cause how can someone so beautiful like him love someone so complex and messy like you? How is that possible?

Whatever the case was, there was a stronger, more hopeful side to you that believes everything he claims. It constantly clashes swords with your insecurities. The same insecurities that made you push him away.

And you know better than to do that now.

He watches the way your eyes light up just a bit as a smile forms. “I love you Aki. Thank you for being…. You.”

It’s after saying that you finally lean in and kiss him with all the same love and care he has for you. He makes no mistake to delay this. Kissing you back with all his entirety. Your souls intertwine through an invisible bond the more the kiss deepens. Unspoken love of affirmations set ablaze the passion you have for each other.

And in that very moment, both of you knew no matter how much time you guys wasted wishing and counting your regrets. You still had each other. As bittersweet as it is, that’s all anyone could ask for.

Well… Aki is hoping he could ask for your hand in marriage but let’s leave that for another time.

A/N: thanks for reading! please let me know if you see any mistakes with the gn!reader pov, this is my first :)

#aki hayakawa #aki hayakawa x reader #aki hayakawa x gn!reader #csm x reader #aki hayakawa fluff #aki hayakawa angst #aki x reader #chainsaw man fanfic #aki hayakawa fanfic #self insert #domestic fluff

[zialltops]

honeysuckle’s & huckleberry’s

Cowboy!Joel (41) X F!Reader (25) | 15.5k | wip | explicit | 18+ minors dni | enemies to lovers | slow burn | au: no cordyceps outbreak

After four years away at collage, you’re finally home with the tools and knowledge to save your family ranch. That is, if their ranch hand would stay out of your way.

Or: Ranch hand Joel doesn’t know how to handle the return of his bosses prodigy daughter, her snarky little attitude, or her sinfully tight jeans.

a/n: this chapter gets me right in the feels every time. I love watching the way Joels character changes and his train of thought shifts. I hope you guys like this chapter because it was so fun for me to write 🥹❄️

Masterlink

Chapter 3: Blue

As it turns out, extreme levels of dopamine in his brain after a bone chilling orgasm is exactly what Joel needs to level himself out while you’re sitting beside him in the passenger seat. It doesn’t make him stop thinking about it, but it does keep the tiny little gremlin in his head that tells him to pop a stiffy at bay. The only thing he has to worry about is his eyes, keeping them off of you and on the icy driveway as he pulls away from the house. The snow has started to melt, leaving behind a sloppy mud that makes the truck slip and slide. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to get your car out, even if I can I don’t think you’ll be able to drive it in this.”

You make an exaggerated groan and he doesn’t even need to look to know you’re rolling your eyes at him from your spot beside him on the bench seat. “You just love deciding what I can and can’t do, don’t you? You know I lived here my whole life right?” He dares a glance over and you’re staring at him with your eyebrows knitted together and your arms crossed. His eyes tick down and he wants to kick himself in the head for even looking because your shirt is leaving nothing to his imagination and little to wonder about how good they would look bare with his dick between—jesus christ, Joel, get yourself together Man. “I wasn’t doubting your ability, I’m suggesting that it would be dangerous for you to even try.”

The truck hits the pavement and most of the snow has melted, but the freezing temperatures leave a icy film across the top. He had to go easy on the breaks and hope to god the truck makes it up the inclines he has to take to get to your car. The last thing he needs is to be stuck out here in the cold with just your bodies to keep each other warm. He absolutely one hundred and ten percent wont survive that, not without absolutely humiliating himself. God, he fucking hates how much you affect him against his will.

“Since when do you care about what’s too dangerous for me, huh?” Why in the hell is he arguing with you like you’ve been married for twenty years? “You left me in the snow to freeze to death in my car four days ago, why am I going to listen to you about whats too dangerous for me?” You have a point, but so does he so he just shuts his fucking mouth and keeps on driving.

It takes twice as much time to get down the pass than it usually does, but the lower Joel gets, the more the ice melts into cold water and mud. By the time he gets to your car, the road is clear but the car is still sunk down to the rims in the embankment. Theres a uneasy sort of silence in the truck, something lingering around the cab of the old blue pickup that feels like shame and embarrassment.

“Texting, huh?” He breaks the silence with a crude joke that earns him a deep glare. “Fuck you, asshole. You know, I really don’t know what it is that my parents see in you. My mom always said how polite you were but I don’t believe that for a second after knowing you for a few days.” You prop open the door and climb out into the snow with your car keys in one hand and the other holding your unzipped jacket closed. Your stupid fucking shoes and that tight ass—fuck.

How is he supposed to be okay with the way you make his body react when you literally curse the ground he walks on, thinking he’s the worst thing that ever happened to this damn town? He gets out after you and slips on his gloves to keep the cold off his hands. The winter always leaves him cracked and brittle from cold work, sometimes his knuckles bleed and his bones ache for gentle hands instead of hard callouses and a cowboys scars. “You don’t know anything about me.” He reaches into the back for a chain while you open the door to your car. “I know enough. I know you’re bullheaded and selfish. I know you’re rude and you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

Fucking bitch, like he’s not allowed to have some self preservation after the life he’s lived, always cleaning up Tommy's mess and abandoning his own life in the process. “Don’t act like you’re any better.” You lean out of your car and make a face at him while he hooks the chain to the front of the truck. “Me? You don’t know a damn thing about me.” Like you didn’t just spout off about all the things you think is wrong with him—he can do that too. He has a fucking list of reasons you piss him off. “I know that you’re entitled and expect people to be at your beck and call. I know you’re privileged with no regard for anyone around you.”

He follows the chain to your car and hooks it to the chassis underneath. “Well were just a match made in fucking heaven then, aren’t we?” Its dripping with distain and bitterness, so Joel ignores the comment no matter how much his brain runs and runs about all the way he could be made for you, the way’s he’d fuck that attitude right out of you until you’re quiet. But he can’t and he won’t, he’ll probably spend the rest of his life wondering what you’d feel like, the way you’d shake and scream and beg for more—but wondering is far as that fantasy will ever go.

Because at the end of the day, you’re still Hank's daughter and you’re still half his age and—you hate his guts, which is definitely a deal breaker when it comes to getting someone in your bed. So he keeps his mouth shut and heads back to his truck to tug your car out. “When you’re out, hit your brakes so you don't slam into me.” You sink down into your seat and glare at him. “I’m not stupid!” He never said you were, but he doesn’t expect you to know everything, so he does his best to be the helpful asshole he usually is.

He pulls the little car out, manages to keep the chain tight until it's back on the road and the brake lights come on in front of him. He puts the truck in park and hops out to unhook the chain, but you don’t open the door. When the car is unhooked, you’re already pulling away without a word of thanks. Joel knows he’s well past earning the way you treat him, but that doesn’t make him stop wishing he could just get you out of his head already, wish he could hate you with that same mind altering disgust that you have for him, maybe watching you drive away would be easier.

Two months pass much like the first week. Joel keeps to himself, you frown at him and avoid him where you can. When you do see one another, Joel feels like you’re always at each other's throats. Everyone in the house has started to notice the distaste in your strained relationship, if Joel is willing to let himself call it that. It’s more like a forced acquaintance. Either way, your parents even see the way the two of you bicker and fight, but rarely does anyone but Tommy make comments about it. Tommy likes to bring it up any chance he gets, usually when Joel is alone just to rile him up further. He says stupid shit, like “I bet the sex you guys would have would be crazy good” when it’s just him and his brother at the dinner table and it makes Joel stiffen and run off to the cabin without his plate or a goodbye.

He sneaks in later for his plate and catches you in the kitchen with red eyes and tear stained cheeks, but you cross your arms over your chest and try not to meet his eyes. You’re dressed in just a big tee shirt and he can see from your bare feet to the tops of your thighs. He’s the luckiest son of s bitch in the world that he just worked himself over twice because he would be tenting his sweatpants right there in the kitchen.

That was three days ago and he still can’t get the sight of tears in your eyes out of his mind. He wonders if he did that, if he’d said something that struck a nerve and there you sat at the kitchen table after everyone was tucked in bed, crying your pretty eyes out. He feels like the worst fucking person in the world because of it, so he stays away even more, makes himself sad little ramen noodle dinners in his sad little hunting cabin he shares with his brother and he stares at his ceiling wishing it was you he was looking up at—smiling instead of frowning for once—all he wants is to see you smile. Really smile, for him, at him. He wonders what your eyes look up when they light up, wonders what your skin feels like when its not shaking in rage.

But between all the avoiding and hiding, Joel didn’t even realize how quickly Christmas had snuck up on him. He checks his phone sometime after lunch, his day spent getting the herd ready for another brutal snow storm. He’d been to town that morning for hot feed to keep them warm and any supplies they might run out of while snowed in, while deep, dark clouds hung in the distance. He was leaving the feed store when the clerk waved at him with a polite “Merry Christmas!” When he made it into the truck, he pulled out his phone and realized the date, December 24th. It was Christmas eve and it was an absolute miracle that stores were open right now. It was only eleven thirty and the sign posted on the door says it closes at two.

He starts to put the truck in reverse, turning around to look behind him while he pulls out. When he does, something inside of him doesn’t let his foot off the brakes. He thinks about you—in Christmas pajamas on the floor opening dumb little gifts from your parents because it's the first Christmas they’ve had with you for years. He imagines what they’d get you, probably things a grown adult needs—products, socks, underwear, (don’t even go there Joel) and he thinks about how disheartening that must be to a woman like you, used to proper city living now, expensive gifts and pretty things. You deserve pretty things, Joel wants to give them to you.

He turns around, throws the truck in park and jumps out, heading back into the feed store. He makes a bee-line for the glass jewelry case sitting in the corner, partially scavenged through since it is the day before christmas and all—he should have thought about this weeks ago. He scans through everything, shiny horse shoe earrings, matching pendants, jeweled cowgirl boots on a chain and turquoise ring sets. None of them look good enough, none of them scream you, sweet you—fuck, he’s seen it, when you’re so damn sweet, when you think no one is looking—Joel is, always looking.

He kneels down, scanning the bottom shelf of the case when he spots a simple golden chain and a bumble bee dangling delicately from its tiny hoops. It doesn’t have any stones on it and Joel thinks he likes that more, that it’s simple and graceful, not too flashy or obviously shoutings “look at what you do to me, look at how much I wish I could have you.”

In the end, he has just enough bills in his wallet for the necklace, tells the clerk he doesn’t need a bag as he stuffs the box in his pocket and heads back to the truck.

He has a busy day when he gets back to ranch, Tommy is checking on the pregnant heifers while Joel fill’s multiple feeders with hot grains that will keep them warm through the impending storm. He has just enough time before it starts to snow to get the horse fed and the equipment properly covered in tarps. This storm is set to drop more snow than they have seen all winter and Joel doesn’t look forward to the animosity that comes with never being able to get out of each other's hair. “How’s the heifers?” He asks Tommy when he brushes grain off his hands. “They all seem pretty far out besides one, she was really soft, sort of worried me.” Heifers get soft around the tail when they are close to caving, but Joel doesn’t think she’ll be willing to have her calf in this storm, so he lets it go. Instead, he takes a spot beside Tommy at the stable door.

“Snow’s comin’ down thick now,” Tommy says from the protective covering of the stable, staring out across the yard at the powder covered ground. Snow blows through the big sliding door, filling the building with cold gusts. “We should get inside before it gets worse.”

Joel wants to—when he looks off at the two story house, the christmas tree shining through the window, he spots you on the other side of it, fixing and ornament hanging from the nettles. The stable is a stone's throw from the house, Joel can see every feature, the color of your eyes, your sweet, sweet smile—because he’s nowhere to be seen.

He’s so busy staring, he doesn’t catch it in time when your eyes meet his across the yard. That sweet smile falls, those soft eyes harden and he feels his gut lurch. “You go ahead, Tommy. Think I’m going to hit the hay.” Tommy knows this bit just about as well as Joel does, knows he’s been avoiding the house, your parents, you because nine times out of ten, it’s just Tommy at dinner these days. Joel spends his night with microwaved meals and old episodes of The Rifleman to keep him busy until he finally gives in and slips his hands in his pants.

Tommy doesn’t put up a fuss, instead, he claps Joel on the shoulder and gives him this sad sort of smile before heading off towards the house. Joel turns in the other direction, follows the fence line for a half mile until he reaches the cabin. His feet are cold, his lips feel cracked after a long day outside in the harsh weather. He microwaves a sad little dinner, pretends the mac and cheese on the side is half as good as warm food at the table when the people he looks at like family. He’s simply not welcome there anymore.

He gets through two episodes before he promptly passes out, his pants left intact tonight because it’s not his dick leading the way tonight, its that look in your eyes when you saw him across the driveway. The pang he felt in his chest when you frowned and turned away like it hurt you to look at him.

He sleeps through the night, propped up like that on the couch and when he wakes on Christmas morning, his neck has a crick in it and his back is killing him. He barely drags himself off the couch and into the shower before his day has to start. The hot water eases out some of his muscles, but it still hurts like a bitch to stand up straight or turn his head.

But the cattle aren’t going to let him take a day off, the horses won't care for themselves, so he gets to it only a few minutes late. When he heads out the door, the ground is covered in two feet of pure white snow and dark clouds still hang overhead.

His Christmas is spent in the field’s and the stables and the box in his pocket burns a hole through his thigh the entire morning, until he’s shoveling off the driveway and the front door comes open. Louise makes her way onto the porch with a plate in her hands, shuffling down the slippery steps when she gets Joel’s attention. He tosses down the shovel and hurries over when she starts to wobble on the second step and nearly slips. He catches her arm and helps her steady before letting out a cold gust of air that fogs through the chill around him. “Miss Lou, what are you doin’ out here? It’s freezing.” She has a light coat on and her cheeks are red from the cold.

“You’re the one out here in the cold, Joel. It’s Christmas and you’re the only one working. Have you had a decent meal this week? I haven’t seen you at dinner in…well, I don’t know how long.” She’s the one reason Joel feels guilty for avoiding the house, in the years he’s lived here, she's always enjoyed cooking for them, she’d always tell him he couldn’t keep her dream alive if he was malnourished. He feels like that now, running on half the calories a man his size should be taking in and his mind is in a constant state of despair these days.

“Just needed some space is all, Ma’am, nothin’ you did.” He assures her, taking the plate carefully and helping her back up the steps. “I know it's not just that. My daughter can be really difficult sometimes…I know you two bicker. It’s a shame, really—I thought the two of you would hit it off.” That's the whole problem and what a shame it is that Joel can’t look at this woman’s daughter without thinking about all the ways he could have her, make her his. “Would you come inside? Hank and I got you something, he thought you would be in this morning but you never came. I'm sorry if your food is cold.”

He didn’t care if it was cold, his stomach hurt because he was so hungry, he'd eat it if it was frozen. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her no, so he heads inside the house with snow covered boots and a nervousness he hasn’t felt here since the first day he stood in this living room. For so long it's felt like his home too—but now he can't help but feel like an intruder.

When he closes the door behind him, Hank and Tommy are watching the game, but you’re nowhere in sight. He tries to shake off his nerves, moves to the couch beside Tommy and sits down. At his brother's feet is a brand new pair of deer skin gloves, Tommy’s favorite—but hard to come by. He knows they weren’t cheap and his heart aches a little, knowing they’d worked hard to pull together the money.

“Glad to see you can pull yourself away for a few minutes. You know it ain’t goin’ anywhere, stay for a little while.” He knows that—the storm will be with them for four days and he knows there will be more snow to shovel tomorrow, but he can’t stay for long, not when your prying eyes finally detect him in your safe haven. “I’ll stay for a little while, still a lot to do out there.” He knows Hank is too old for that kind of work, Tommy’s too lazy and Joel wants nothing more than to escape. “Got you somethin’, been saving up for it for a while now.” He leans down towards the tree and picks up a rather large box—it’s not gloves thats for damn sure. “Sir, I…I didn’t get you nothin’.” He didn’t have the money, he spent every dollar he had to his name on a stupid necklace for his daughter that would rather see him outside in the freezing weather shoveling snow than on her couch in front of the fireplace.

Hank throws a hand, playing off Joel's concern with an amused huff. “You do so much for us around here without asking for anything in return. You had one when you got here but i know it got tore up taking the cattle to pasture.”

Joel rips the wrapping paper, revealing a simple white box with the word Stetson on the top. Joel doesn’t even want to open the damn thing, he knows what's inside and how much it cost, an arm and a leg, probably a month's saving in the off season. “Hank…”

The olde man shakes his head firmly. “You deserve to have the sun off your neck, son. Just say thank you, make sure it fits.”

He pulls open the box and inside lays a black felt hat with a matching band, beautiful leather work that loops into an ornate metal buckle to hold it in place. He pulls the cowboy hat from its box, puts it on his head and—it’s a perfect fit.

It's been a long time since he had a hat, a lot longer since he had a nice one and a lifetime ago since he had the money for a new one, especially one this nice. “I don’t know what to say—thank you, Hank…this really…means more than you know.” More than he knows how to convey with words. It’s been a long time since Joel had a hat that fit, one that wasn’t second hand or made for someone else’s head. But this—this was made for his head, the measurement must be damn near perfect. “How’d you know my size?” He wobbles his head around and the hat doesn’t budge, hangs on snuggly. He’ll even be able to ride with this on. “I measured your head while you were sleepin’.” Tommy tells him with a smug grin. “That's weird, Tommy. I would have kept that to myself.”

It draws a laugh out of Hank who has abandoned the game in favor of watching Joel's excitement. “Well, what are you waiting for—go check yourself out in the mirror, make sure you like it,” he stands and walks over to the mirror hanging on the wall above a decorative entryway shelf. When he spots himself in the reflection, he realizes just how long it’s been since he’s seen the man looking back at him. He’s graying in his beard a little, the age lines on his face have gotten deeper and more pronounced, but the black hat on his head makes that same man grin from ear to ear.

The stairs creek behind him and he turns half of his body to look up them. Stopped halfway down the stairs, you’re staring at him with a slightly slacked jaw. Joel knew it, Christmas jammies that leave your legs exposed to his greedy eyes. This time, he tries to keep them to himself. “Oh, uh…” he swallows down the lump in his throat and his pocket burns all over again. Should he give it to you now? Will everyone question him if he does? If he waits to get you alone, does that suggest that the necklace means everything he wants it to? A peace offering, an ice breaker, a “I’m sorry about the way I’ve treated you, but I want to try again.”

Instead, he leaves it in his pocket and tries to tamper down the way his cheeks heat. “Merry Christmas, Honey.” He tilts his hat up a tad so he can look up at you, but your slightly dumbfounded look morphs into irritation and discontent.

“What are you doing here?” You cross your arms and Joel’s good mood disappears. “Your mom asked me to come in and eat. Your dad wanted to give me this.” He points to the hat and your eyes roll as you make the descent down the rest of the stairs. “So if you’re in here, who’s taking care of the ranch?”

It isn’t often that someone sticks up for one of them in an argument, they tend to not get between the two of you, but to Joel’s surprise, Hank interrupts his daughter. “He’s allowed to come in the house, Honey—he works hard around here, he’s not a yard dog.” But that doesn’t stop you from sneering at him when you pass him on your way to the kitchen where your mother is. “Sure looks like one to me.” It’s under your breath so Hank doesn’t hear, but Joel does.

And he feels like a fool. A fool for spending the last of his money on this stupid fucking necklace, like a fool for being so plagued by thoughts of you in a different world, one where you don’t innately hate him, one where he doesn’t fuck up every chance he has to change the narrative.

“I should get back to it, I’ll see you guys…later.” He starts to head for the door when Louise pokes her head around the corner. “Please come in for Dinner!” Joel tells her that he will, he hates lying to miss Lou, but he does it because it’s Christmas and the last thing he wants to do is worry her today.

He wastes the day shoveling off the driveway, tries his best to rub out the crick in his neck and finally calls it a day when the sun is nearly set and the animals are bunkered down for the night. It’s started to snow again, so Joel makes his way back to the cabin with tired limbs and a new dusting of snow hanging onto the brim of his hat.

Dinner is just as lonely as the night before but this time he doesn’t pretend it's Lou’s cooking, he lets it be exactly what it is—a tasteless mush and his misery to sip on.

The Rifleman is just as predictable as it was the night before, as is Joel—who falls asleep before he has the heart to get his hands on his dick. But unlike last night, he doesn’t make it long propped up on the couch before a knock startles him awake. He drags himself to the door with sleep in his eyes and a chill in his bones. When he pulls it open, his pocket ignites again. On the other side of the door, you’re standing in front of him with a plate in your hands and a vicious storm letting down behind you. Did you walk here in that? “My mom said I chased you off, that’s why you didn’t come to dinner.” Well, you aren’t wrong. If you were still away at college, Joel would have no problem spending Christmas with Hank and Louise and Tommy who is apparently too good to walk you down here.

“You didn’t have to bring me anything.” He says. He glances to the side where his hat hangs on the rack. “Actually, my mom made me so no, I didn’t have a choice.” Ahh, of course—of course you wouldn’t do something that nice for him. “Well, thank her for me, then…” he reaches out for the plate and his fingers brush yours—bolts of electricity shooting up his arm and igniting his starved skin. It’s been so damn long since someone has touched him with kind hands and all he wants is yours—your soft, gentle hands he’s seen folding laundry and soothing horses. You don’t release the plate, but your eyes track up to his, meeting them across the threshold.

He could hold that gaze for the rest of his life if you’d let him—he’s always wanted a chance to get lost in your eyes and he’s getting it right now, his home pouring with cold in exchange for the heat in your cheeks and the sparkle in your irises. “Joel—“

There's a loud sound somewhere over the fence beside the cabin. It draws both of your attention to the blinding darkness. Joel knows that sound, a distressed heifer, probably the one who was too damn close to calving in a storm like this. There’s no way Joel can save that calf if it doesn’t make it and even if he wanted to, the snow is too thick to help.

“What is that?” You ask, finally dropping your hand away from his when you glance back up at him. “Heifer, think she’s calving—Tommy said she was really soft and her milk came in. Afraid that calf might not make it tonight.”

There's a look of disbelief in your eyes, shooting from Joel to the fence line and back. “You can’t help her?” Joel shakes his head and listens to the cow cry out again. “Nothin’ I can do for her. They aren’t supposed to be calving yet, we still have a few more weeks and it’s too cold out there. We might lose the heifer too.”

Joel observes the way sadness takes over your face, then determination. “I’m going out there to help her.” You tell him, already heading off the porch before Joel can even interject. “Don’t you hear me? She’s not going to make it, honey, just let it go.” But you don’t, you start to jog towards the fence line, so Joel huffs in annoyance and slips into his boots and jacket, finally pulling his hat on on his way out the door. He grabs a spotlight off the shelf by the door and follows your tracks through the snow to the fence line. It doesn’t take him long until he finds you, knelt behind a laboring cow, who’s already pushing in the freezing cold. “I can’t get this calf to safety and this storm is getting worse—it’s not safe to be out here.”

There's blood marring the white snow and your delicate hands. “I’m not letting her die in the snow on christmas because we made her have a baby, Joel—she didn’t ask for this.” Joel sets the light in the snow beside him and rolls his sleeves up, kneeling down beside you in the soaked snow. “She’s not going to make it.”

You make a face at him, one Joel is more than accustomed to. “I’m not letting her die alone, then.” And Joel isn’t going to leave you alone in the snow for a second time, so he stays there beside you, helping deliver the little black calf, who shivers wetly in the cold. It’s a little boy, floppy ears and a wobble to him when he tries to hold his head up. Joel can't help but smile, because this is always beautiful, even if he can't save this little calf. He looks up and you’re grinning right back at him, your cheeks bitten red by the cold and your hands shaking, but you look so fucking proud right now. Joel is too, after watching you pull that calf out of his momma like you were made for that.

“What if we get them inside, would they make it then?” Joel doesn’t see how, the snow is too thick and someone would have to carry him. “They wont fit in my cabin and the stable is a half a mile away. We’d have to drag momma through this snow.” He has a lead in the cabin, he could get her out of this snow, he thinks. Would she even want to go, after having a calf in the ridged cold. “We should try—we should at least try.”

Joel leans back and brushes the blood off on his pants. “Yeah—fine, we can try. Stay right here, keep rubbing him to keep him warm.” He stands and jogs back to the cabin, racing inside for the lead that he runs back to you with. You have the calf laid out along your legs while you rub his wet skin. “He’s slowing down. I can feel his heart slowing down.” He’s getting too cold out here—if Joel doesn’t act now, he won't make it, so he wraps the halter around the heifers head and hands you the lead. “Think you can pull her? She’s going to put up a fight.” You take the lead from him and nod, grabbing the light out of the snow while he picks the calf up under his belly. He makes a little sound at Joel while he starts to make his way through the deep snow.

It’s a long walk back to the stables, but you tug on that heifer and Joel carries the calf the entire way there, until he reaches the gate and manages to push it open just enough to get them through. He makes it to the stable doors in just enough time, throws it open and helps you inside. It’s not much warmer in here, but theres no snow and theres straw in the empty stable towards the back, so Joel makes his way over and lays the little calf down in the bedding. You’re right behind him with the heifer who takes straight to her baby once she has him in her sight again.

Joel plops down in the straw in the corner of the room once they are both situated, trying to catch his breath and warm himself up at the same time. He’s covered in blood, so are you, but you saved both of their lives and Joel has more respect for that than he knows what to do with. You risked your life out there for a baby cow and his momma.

“You did a good thing, out there. I’m sorry I didn’t want to listen to you.” You find a spot beside him in the hay and sink down, leaned against the wood wall with your shoulder pressed against his with how closely you sit. “You have every right to question me…you’re right, you know…I have no clue what I’m doing around here. Four years of school and the only thing I know how to do around here is the books, which is easy because were so broke.” Joel's heart aches for you, the sadness in your tone and the defeated look in your eyes. “I almost got us killed out there.”

Joel shakes his head and leans himself back against the wall too. “But you didn’t. You saved us a lot of money and saved his little life. I’d say that's a win.” He knows it doesn’t feel like one when everything else is coming down on your shoulders, but he can pretend it is for your sake. “Thanks, Joel.” You lean a little more, bumping his shoulder with a quiet yawn.

His pocket begins to burn again, but this time, it isn’t followed by the shame he’s felt all day. “I uhm…I hope it’s not weird, but I got you something…” he reaches into his pocket and starts to fish it out. “You didn’t have to do that,” you interject but he shakes his head. “I just saw it while I was at the feed store, thought of you.” He pulls out the blue box and holds it out to you. He tries not to read too much into the look on your face when you open the box, but he has to know. It looks like confusion, then shock and finally, sadness. “I was really rude to you this mornin’…and you had this in your pocket to give it to me?” You look over at him with big eyes, full of something Joel has never seen in them. “It’s alright—I deserved that.”

You shake your head and start to pull the necklace out of the box. “I called you a dog, Joel—you didn’t deserve that.”

He shrugs his shoulders, trying to rid both of you of the shame of that conversation. You hold the necklace up and admire it for a while, the little gold bee that’s going to lay against your chest, against your heart. You hold it out to him with a little quick of your lips. “Would you?” He takes it from you and you turn your back to him, using one hand to hold up your hair while he undoes the clasp and brings his hands around your neck, laying it around your delicate throat. It feels so intimate, sitting here in the hay beside a newborn baby calf in the middle of a snowstorm on christmas.

His knuckles brush against your neck gently when he does the clasp together, letting is hang from your neck, feels like a fucking brand on his skin. You turn back around, meet his eyes and smile carefully. There's a comfortable silence filling up the space between you, so Joel leans back against the wood and sighs to himself. “Let me walk you back to the house…it’s getting late.” His words are low and slow.

You nod at him and he stands, holding out a hand to pull you to your feet. He walks you out of the stables, through the blizzard and up to the porch of the big white house. “Where are you going?” You ask him when you get to the door. “Don’t know if I can make it back to the cabin in this. Might sleep out in the stable so I can keep an eye on the little guy.”

You don’t say anything, just stare at him for a long moment, then glance behind you at the warm house. “Come inside…Tommy took the guest bedroom but you can have the couch. It’s better than being out here in the cold.”

He wants to decline, but when will he get this opportunity again? To mend what's been broken between you? “Yeah—sure, that sounds better than straw poking me in the ass all night long.”

It makes you giggle and that makes Joel's stomach churn, his cheeks heat and his hands flex as he follows you inside. You get him a blanket, help him get situated in the low glow of the christmas tree in the corner.

When he kicks his boots off and settles down on the couch, you start to head for the stairs. He thinks you’re going to head up, but you pause at the bottom of the stairs before turning to look at him. “Thank you for helping me today.”

He hums, smiles and shakes his head. “It was my pleasure.”

There's another long silence, then you take the first step up the stairs. “Goodnight, Joel…Merry Christmas.”

He smiles back at you with tired eyes.

“Merry Christmas, Honey.”

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal #joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel the last of us #cowboy joel #pedro pascal fanfic

[canonicallyobserving911]

WIP Wednesday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

Season 7 FANON FanFic: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 27 will be posted soon.

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Currently 26 chapters completed: 1M Words; Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

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I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 27 because at the end of Chapter 26, while Buck was sleeping, he made a sound that Eddie hadn't heard before. He immediately sat up in bed and called Eddie's name but he was in a daze and to Eddie, he appeared to be still dreaming but since his eyes were open, he started talking to him to get his attention.

They spent the majority of the day before in the hospital after Buck collapsed in Eddie's arms and suffered a bradycardia event of epic proportions. He was unconscious and unresponsive after he received a package that was delivered to the firehouse while they were in Europe. Once he opened it and read the letter, he reached the part where it stated someone died and it reminded him of his own death and it triggered the event.

He had an MRI, EKG and an ultrasound to confirm what prompted the two events. After the results were returned, Dr. Salazar discharged him with a Holter monitor that he has to wear for 48-hours so she can check to make sure his heart hasn't suffered any long-term effects from the lightning strike. Currently, they're home alone since Chris is still at a sleepover.

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Here's a snippet from Chapter 27 of Eddie trying to console his husband after he woke up in a state of sheer horrifying terror.

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The sounds escaping Buck’s lips through his cries are filled with pain and suffering and Eddie recognizes it because he remembers it’s how he sounded when he started destroying every piece of furniture in his bedroom with a baseball bat almost two years ago.

“I love you.”  Eddie admits.  Then he starts speaking Italian.  “Ti amo, amore mio.”  [“I love you, my love.”]

“ED—DIE?  PLEASE DON’T—DON’T LET GO!  OK?”

“NEVER AMORE MIO!  I’LL NEVER LET GO OF YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE MY HEART, YOU’RE MY SOUL, YOU’RE MY EVERY—THING!”

As he continues holding on to his husband, he comforts him as they cry about the fact that Buck died last year.  He tries to compose himself several times but the weight and the magnitude of seeing Buck hanging from the aerial is a picture he can’t get out of his mind.  He reminds himself that they both can’t lose it because one of them needs to be coherent just in case Buck becomes unresponsive again like he did while they were at the hospital yesterday.

Even through their brokenness, he keeps talking to his husband.

“You’re alive my love.”

“You’re in the present with me and it’s January 3, 2024.”

“It’s been almost ten months since that night but you’re here with me and I’ll never let you go.”

“We’re going to die on the same day at the same time in 50 or 60 years from now.”

Buck’s cries are getting louder as he continues to feel every ounce of grief he’s been avoiding since last year.  And when his Holter monitor starts beeping, Eddie knows that sound means one of two things, either Buck’s heart is beating too fast or too slow.  Neither option is good because they’re both detrimental and they can both lead to Buck’s death if they aren’t resolved quickly.  If it’s beating too slowly again, he’s experiencing another bradycardia event and if it drops below 30 bpm, his heart could stop beating and that will lead to him dying.  If his heart is beating too fast, then he’s experiencing a tachycardia event which means he could have a heart attack if it’s not lowered to a level of 100 bpm.

In a soft and calm but stern voice, he calls, “Evan, my love! Can you hear me?”

He’s still crying but he nods his head while it’s lying on top of Eddie’s shoulder.

With the alarm still blaring, he says, “Amore mio, I need you to you to listen to me.  We have to get you calm so your heart rate will stabilize.”

Buck’s trying, he really is but he still feels that tug at the back of his head trying to take him under but he’s fighting to stay alert so he can remain responsive and conscious.

“Shh... my love.  I need you to listen to me and I also need you to breathe with me too.  Can you still hear me?”

He opens his mouth and he tries to speak but it takes several seconds for him to inhale enough air into his lungs so can respond.

Eddie doesn’t let go he just keeps holding onto him with their chests pressed together.

Is Buck going to suffer another bradycardia event? 👀

Or could he suffer from tachycardia this time? 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

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Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to departing Los Angeles for their international adventure, a moment in time will remind them; life is fragile, tomorrow isn’t promised and every second of everyday should be cherished because everything can change in an instant. The result of that realization will cause them to hold onto each other even more.

Chapter 18 - As Buck, Eddie and Chris prepare for family gatherings before and during the Thanksgiving holiday, the “Santa Ana Winds” start to blow and all sorts of expected and unexpected familial drama ensues.

Chapter 19 - As Buck and Eddie get closer to their wedding day, the universe begins to align everything so that some of their parent and children's relationships are strengthened while others come to an abrupt end.

Chapter 20 - With only 14 days remaining until Buck, Eddie and Chris depart Los Angeles, CA traveling to Rome, Italy, for their first family adventure, an early morning conversation about “tying up loose ends” helps Buck and Eddie realize there are still several things left unfinished on their ‘To Do’ lists. The question is will there be enough time to complete all of them?

Chapter 21 - Buck, Eddie and Chris are finalizing their ‘To Do’ Lists, double checking their itineraries and packing their suitcases in preparation for their trip to Europe so they can board their flight that departs Los Angeles, CA on Friday, December 15, 2023 at 3:25PM.

Chapter 22 - While Buck, Eddie and Chris spend the first 8 days of their European family adventure in Italy, their primary reason for going will be fulfilled as well as several others they hadn’t considered or anticipated.

Chapter 23 - As the Diaz Family continues their Italian family adventure, they’ll say, “Ciao” or hello and goodbye to a lot of things almost immediately after they become an official and legal family.

Chapter 24 - After Buck, Eddie and Chris arrive in London, England on December 24th; the Diazes immediately start preparing to spend their first family Christmas together. During their stay, each of them will hear a few choice words that will be the life raft to get them home to complete their searches to be seen and to be found.

Chapter 25 - After spending more than two weeks in Europe, Eddie, Buck and Chris are back in Los Angeles and they’re getting ready to attend Maddie and Chimney’s New Year’s Eve party. During the event, they have plans to make two surprise announcements but the question is, who’s really going to be surprised, the Diaz family or their found family at the 118?

Chapter 26 - Buck and Eddie are once again faced with their greatest fear of losing each other but this time it could be permanent and if it is, then they won’t be able to spend the rest of their lives together.

Chapter 27 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-26 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 27 will be posted soon.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #911 fanfic #911 abc #911 on abc #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #“I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!” #Chapter 27 will be posted soon. #Buddie multi-chapter fanfic

[aphroditelovesu]

(no longer updated)

masterlists || rules and fandoms list || wip’s list || prompt’s lists || love letters || disclaimer: some of my works may have nsfw content in addition to the yandere genre. if you are sensitive to these topics, I recommend not reading.

© aphroditelovesu, 2022. all rights reserved. do not translate or repost my work without my permission. you are free to use my edits, but I only ask that you credit me.

⤷ genre: yandere/dark au.

✿.｡ requests are CLOSED/asks and concept are always open.彡 rules and fandoms 彡 emoji prompt list 彡 prompts list 彡 kinktober 2023 masterlist 彡 wip’s list: I, II, III, IV, V ✿.｡

⤷ BTS :  💜

⤷ BLACKPINK : 🖤

⤷ ITZY : 🧡

⤷ Stray Kids : 💙

‘‘Love you so bad, love you so bad, mold a pretty lie for you.’‘

⤷ Greek Mythology : ⚡

⤷ Egyptian Mythology : 𓂀

⤷ Historical Characters : 📜

‘‘We are the lovesick girls, you can’t just end this love on your own.’‘

⤷ The Vampire Diaries/The Originals : 🧛

⤷ House of the Dragon : 🐉

⤷ Game of Thrones : ❄️

⤷ The Sandman : ⌛

⤷ Outlander : 🗿

⤷ Wednesday : 🎻

⤷ Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir : 🐞

⤷ Brooklyn Nine-Nine : 👮‍♂️

⤷ Bridgerton : 🐝

⤷ Shadow and Bone : ☠️

⤷ Outer Banks : 💰

‘‘Yeah, we were born to be alone but why we still looking for love?’‘

⤷ Percy Jackson : 🌊

⤷ Harry Potter : 🔮

⤷ A Court of Thorns and Roses : 🌹

⤷ A Song of Ice and Fire : 🔥

‘‘Love it’s so mad, love it’s so mad, trying to erase myself and make me your doll.’‘

⤷ Attack On Titan : 🗡

‘‘I’m the one I should love in this world.’‘

⤷ Marvel : ۞

‘‘I finally realized so I love me, not so perfect but so beautiful.’‘

‘‘Dearest (Y/N),

We are very happy to hear that you are back with us. It's been so long since we could hold you that we even forgot the feeling. We missed you during your absence and were almost worried to death when we learned of your disappearance. You almost had us dead! Don't ever do it again or you'll see the consequences and you know they won't be good. Or will they be? Only time will tell.

For now, we'll just leave you this letter as a reminder. But don't worry, you have a lot of letters to read and more will follow. We will send them with all the passion of a writer completely in love with its muse.

With love,

Your yanderes completely in love with you.’’

⤷ Love Letters : 💕

⤷ Love Letters II : 💕

‘‘Don’t you know that you’re toxic?’’

Thank you all so much for the kind comments and for supporting my writing despite my english not being the best. I love you all! ❤️ All the best to you guys and stay hydrated!!

₊˚.✦*:･there a̶r̶e̶✧乀✿one of☆˚˖੭ those days•.꒰˖days whe̶n̶ I✧ৎ⋆s u d d e n t l y feel♡.*⊱all a̶l̶o̶n̶e̶❛ ━ :❘❘↴when i feel˘.+*✦like I d̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ !¡❞♕‵̤ belong anywhere.:✧°whenever t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ days°⊹come, you+tell⋆̥˚̣̣̣͙❞me❀⊰｡how p̶r̶e̶c̶i̶o̶u̶s̶ i am▾₊˚i become a.✩*⊹very special me₊˚.*:you make m̶e̶˘.+*feel s p e c i a l¸*.❀

⤷ cited songs: Fake Love ;; Lovesick Girls ;; Epiphany ;; Toxic ;; Feel Special

#masterpost #masterlist #masterlists #wip #wips #rules #fandoms #yandere #yandere au #love letters #yandere love letter #emoji #emoji prompt #lists #emoji prompt list #prompt list #prompts list #kinktober

[moondust-bard]

A Call for More Stories

Either my dash is broken, dead, or all of my faves are busy with Life Things. So, I am once again begging writeblr to replenish my dash with stories. I’ll be looking at the pinned wip posts of those who interact with this post. If I can’t find any of those, or you don’t store wip content using those methods, feel free to message me with links.

If your wip contains the following, please drop a comment and I’ll check out your wip page or story info!

• dark fantasy, gothic fantasy, fairytale and myth retellings, soft political fantasy, space opera that’s light on big tech Things

• enemies to lovers— bonus points for slow burn, angst, and pining

• “found family” cast of characters— bonus points if it includes queer, disabled, chronically ill, poc characters

• complex or strained family dynamics

• Powerful dynasties, especially magical ones

• arranged marriages or a begrudging alliance that leads to romance

• magic schools — especially with a dark academia or whimsical twist

• animal companions or Kind of Animals Except Wrong Because Magic

• interfering deities and political machinations

• magical groups and cultures (witches, vampires, fairies, selkies, etc) — even ones you’ve created yourself are cool with me!

• princesses, balls, pretty things that sparkle

• magical hotels, circuses, contests, castles (think Howl’s Movubg Castle, Labyrinth, Caraval, Hotel Magnifique, etc)

• worldbuilding— I love worldbuilding posts So Much

Some topics I’d prefer to avoid

• Tech-heavy worldbuilding— mostly because I don’t have the brain power to comprehend it

• Super detailed gore — mild body horror is fine

• War-heavy plots wherein there would be many long, detailed battle scenes

• Animal deaths mentioned on page

• fan fiction

• A casf of characters that is predominantly straight, male, white, and able-bodied

⭐️Please Note: ⭐️ I know writing in the tags is a Thing, and I don’t want to infringe on anyone’s creativity or posting preferences. I’d really appreciate it if comments for me, the OP, could be left as an actual comment. I’m blind and my screen reader doesn’t read whatever’s written in the tags, unfortunately. All of your notes in the tags? Can’t read ‘em. They’re too light for me to see and my tech won’t read them to me.

#looking for writer friends #writing community #writeblr #writers of tumblr

[davidsons89]

Billy x Hopper!Reader

They argue, Billy insults the reader, Hopper comes in angry as hell, you tell the rest🤭

watch your mouth — b.h

pairings ; billy hargrove x hopper!reader

summary ; billy takes it too far during an argument which triggers an angry hopper who threatens to kill billy.

warnings ; toxic relationship, arguing, mentions of controlling, face grabbing and slapping, use of swear words, threats, and death threats lol

authors note ; this is a short one but I still hope you enjoy it. i really love writing for hopper!reader, i can imagine him being super protective over his girls <3

“Shut the hell up, Billy” you slam the door in his face. He stops it from shutting before following you into your house. Both walking past Hopper who is completely oblivious to your entrance, he sits on the sofa drinking a bottle of beer.

“Don’t tell me to shut up” Billy follows you into the kitchen. “Then get your head out of your ass!” You scream at him. Hopper sighs, reaching for the TV to turn up the volume to block out the noise. He’s used to the two of you arguing, so he just tries to ignore it. But once it gets too much, he knows when to stop it.

“Get my head out of my ass? You’re the one who’s acting like a fucking slut” Billy snaps back at you. A “hey” from Hopper could be heard from the living room as a warning for Billy to watch his mouth. Billy just scoffs. “A slut?” Your eyebrows furrow.

“Yeah, a slut, I told you millions of times to stop speaking to that fucking loser, Harrington, yet here you are, still talking to him” Billy loses his temper. “He is my friend, Billy, I’m not gonna stop talking to him just because you’re insecure.” You roll your eyes, having to speak slowly as if you’re talking to a child.

“You think I’m insecure of that asshole?” He hacks up a laugh. “Yeah, why else would you be begging me to stop talking to him like a fucking baby?” You harshly shout. “Because he’s just trying to get in your pants, like every other guy at school is” Billy tries to explain but you shake your head.

Everybody at school knows you and Billy are in a relationship. And most people are terrified of Billy, so they wouldn’t try to speak to his girl. He is just making things up. He hates Steve and wants you to hate him too, but it’s not happening.

“Oh grow the hell up, Billy. Seriously. He isn’t trying to get in my pants, we’ve been friends for years, you fucking idiot.” You insult him, walking off but feel a bruising grip snap around your wrist. Billy forces you back, causing you pain. “Ow. Billy, get off me!” You slap him away but it only makes him madder.

Slapping him made him slap you. He has a quick temper but that threw him over the edge. Hopper heard it and quickly snapped his head in your direction to see Billy grab your face and force it closer to his. “Don’t you ever fucking call me that again, you hear me?” He threatens you as Hopper rushes over.

“Get your hands off her” Hopper slaps Billy’s hand down before grabbing him by his collar. You fell out of Billy’s grip and watched as your dad threatened your boyfriend. Billy hurt you which really upset you. You begin to cry. “Don’t you ever lay a damn finger on my daughter, you hear me?” Hopper warns with gritted teeth to show his anger. His blood is boiling.

Billy didn’t answer but he knows better than to fight back. For the exact same reason he doesn’t fight his own dad back. “I didn’t let you date my daughter for you to tell her what she can and can’t do, and I won’t stand here and watch you put your filthy hands on her, do I make myself clear?” Hopper asks in a death-threatening tone which makes Billy side eye you.

“Don’t look at her, look at me” Hopper demands, tapping Billy’s cheek a few times to divert his attention back to him before gripping the scruff of his collar again. “She can talk to whoever she damn wants to, and don’t you dare think you can control her because boy, I will kill you” Hopper’s tone is serious. The room fell silent. The only sound heard is you sniffling and wiping your tears away.

“Do I make myself clear?” Hopper asks and Billy nods. This is the first time you’ve ever seen him scared of anybody. “No, use your words.” Your dad manages to grip Billy’s collar harder. “Yes, sir” Billy responds. Hopper stares into his eyes for a few seconds before dropping his hands.

“Good. And watch your mouth, because if you ever call her a slut again, I will tie you to the back of my truck and go for a ride” Hopper sarcastically smiles, patting your shoulder before leaving the kitchen. He knows Billy won’t say another mean word to you.

Now all that’s left is the two of you in awkward silence. “Sorry” Billy manages to say moments later. He never apologizes, so you look into his eyes. “Wipe those tears away, come on, let’s go to your room” Billy suddenly switches up to make you feel better.

He cups your cheeks, using his thumbs to rub your wet eyes. “Come on” he whispers before planting a kiss on your forehead, reaching down to grab your hand and guide you to your bedroom. The two of you kick your shoes off and relax. You put on a bit of music and spend quality time together as a couple, minus the arguing and fighting for a first.

Hopper proudly smiles at the TV as he takes a sip from his bottle of beer. That’s another person he’s successfully made scared of him. Now he doesn’t have to worry about him messing with you, because your dad always has your back. He will fight for you, and certainly isn’t afraid to kill for you.

#stranger things 4 #billy stranger things #stranger things #billy hargrove one shot #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargove imagine #Billy hargrove x hopper!reader #billy hargrove #stranger things billy #hopper stranger things #jim hopper #hopper!reader

[tackytigerfic]

oh wow you are on your last scene for the Voldemort Wins AU long fic :o?

Hi Anon, thanks for the message, yes I'm writing the final (long) scene for that WIP. it may have taken two years but I did get there 😅. I wrote 17k each in November and December so made good inroads into the last section. Then I got covid and felt absolutely awful and had to take a week off, as the final scene is quite tricky in terms of the plot and my brain just wasn't up to it. It'll still be weeks before I finish but hope to start posting this spring. It's over 200k now and needs a good edit!

Here's a little snippet from a sex scene. Draco is undercover with the Death Eaters and has come back to visit Harry in secret.

“I can’t believe that ten minutes ago I was asleep,” Harry said, and bent so he could drop a kiss on Draco’s skin just where his thigh creased under the curve of his arse. His skin was smooth there and very pale, almost hairless. “How long do we have?” “I wish you wouldn’t ask that every single time,” Draco said tightly. Harry could see the side of his face, his closed eye, a pink flush rising on the back of his neck. “We never have much time, you know that. Just, hurry up.” “I want you to be safe,” Harry said. He felt slightly stung, a small irrational hurt. Draco was very often rude, but rarely cruel. “I have to be sure no one will notice that you’re gone. I couldn’t bear it, you know, if anything happened to you because we got careless.” “You’d bear it,” Draco said. “If you had to, you’d bear it.” “Draco.” Harry kissed his skin again, stroked all around the mess of lube, shiny in the moonlight. He tried for jokey, though his voice was too raw. “I don’t want to have to bear it. It’s a significant part of my mission, making sure that you come out of things alright by the end of it.” Draco lifted his face from the pillow so Harry could see his face in profile, the lovely strong nose, his bitten lower lip between his teeth. He was trembling again, just slightly. “You’re still wasting time,” was all he said.

#drarry #tacky's fth #drarry fic #wip snip

[remedyturtles]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

thank u for the tag @kiaxet 🥺

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60 including anonymous works

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

816,928

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at the moment it’s all turtles all the time. i’ve written for so very many previously

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

winner is little kid with a big death wish, followed by techno fic from my dsmp days, then firefight, and then the fireworks and shore series from my life smp days

5. Do you respond to comments?

as many as i can!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i like angsty beginning and middle but i almost always try to have a happy ending. minus my ONE mcyt fic that ends in canonical character death

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

they’re all pretty happy endings lol it would be hard to rank

8. Do you get hate on fics?

the vast majority of commenters are extremely lovely people

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

for other fandoms. not sure what ‘kind’ lol — the kind with smut haha?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i LOVE crossovers but i haven’t ever published one myself. scary to try and get two canons right at once!!!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes unfortunately lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes VERY FORTUNATELY!!! i am still so honoured by it 😭😭

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not anything published! but i’ve noodled with writer friends in a doc or two

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

cannot believe you’d expect a person who’s been on tumblr since 2011 to pick ONE

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

urghhhhh i’ve started a couple things that are rotting in my docs but pretty much if it’s rotting then i don’t wanna finish anyway it so it doesn’t matter.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i can write a lot. whether or not it’s good is another matter lol but hey there will be a lot of it

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i can’t read what i’ve written so it makes editing hard

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

what an oddly specific question? i’d say i guess if the character doesn’t know the language then use a line like ‘she said something in x’ and if the character does know then use the words from the language

19. First fandom you wrote for?

general hospital. yes the soap opera. it explains a lot abt my story telling i think LMAO

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

the storm will take its pieces … probably the only fic i’ve ever been consistently proud of

i tag you. if you wanna do it.

#rem askbox #tag game

[peachdues]

Taking a break + future WIPs!

Hello all!

First and foremost, I just want to say thank you again to everyone who has liked/reblogged/commented/read Phantasmagoria.

I’ve said that Phantasmagoria was very personal for me, and in many ways, it was kind of a way for me to express feelings I’ve spent the better part of the last two years working through following my Mom’s death. Everything that Y/N describes as happening the night her mother died was real — it’s what I lived through on September 10th, 2021, shot for shot.

So thank you for allowing me the space to channel a lot of that heartache and grief and for being so kind and supportive. I was very apprehensive about sharing Phantasmagoria, not just because of the heavy subject matter, but also because in a way, I was making myself be vulnerable and that’s something I’ve always struggled with doing. The overwhelming response has been so positive and so fucking kind, and I don’t think you all realize how much it has meant to me.

Everything I write — everything I do, I do for you. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

That said, Phantasmagoria ended up being almost 50k words long, so I’m SPENT. This month is quite busy for me at work as well, and I’m writing a ton for my job, so I need to take a bit of a breather.

I will still be around, answering asks and reblogging my lovely friends’ works, because I truly love interacting with you all; but as of right now, I will not be publishing any new content. Also might fuck around and try to make my theme more aesthetically pleasing (how do y’all do that thing with the custom font???)

BUT, have no fear; I can’t stay away from my notes app for long, and while I’m gone, I’ll be planning out/finalizing things for some of the things y’all have been waiting for.

Tentative priority list of Peach’s WIPs:

Seasons in Love (Sanemi x Reader college AU)

The Great War: Part I (Giyuu’s Bundle of Joy)

Rengoku emergency request for @renhoeku

Kinktober (Werewolf!Sanemi • Vampire!Giyuu • Human Rengoku x Siren!Reader)

Take care, get sleep, and above all: stay horny, my darlings!

🤍🍑🌸

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #sanemi shinazugawa #kyojuro rengoku #giyuu tomioka #kny #kny x reader #kny fanfic #kny sanemi #kny kyojuro #kny giyuu #kny fic #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer fic

[anxiouspineapple99]

You Hold the Stars and My Heart

Summary: Rex is fairly certain you hung the stars. He is smitten and is going to tell you exactly how he feels. Inspired by the lyrics from the song Stars by Skillet.

Pairing: Rex x GN!Reader

Word Count: 888

Warnings: “it’s so fluffy!”

Song: Stars - Skillet

A/N: Me: I have so many wips. I should work on those.

Also me: I HAVE THIS IDEA I MUST DOCUMENT IMMEDIATELY AT 11:30PM

I was a little torn on this one. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have this be Rex or Fives. Went with Rex because when I started writing it just felt more like him for some reason. Also I’ve not written Rex yet and it was fun to switch it up, since I have a Fives fic I am working on already. Also this was NOT proofread. Literally on night 3 of insomnia and I just word vomited into a doc and then posted.

——————-

The deepest depths, the darkest nights; Can’t separate, can’t keep me from your sight

Another mission. Another nightfall where Rex was on the battlefield, surrounded by fear, pain, and death. And all he could think about was you in this brief moment of calm. He closed his eyes and you were in his sight once again, even if only in his mind’s eye. Your smile, so tender and bright. You shone like the twin suns of Tatooine. That same smile made your eyes sparkle like the sun reflecting off the waters of Naboo. And in this darkness and the depths of his sadness, thinking, dreaming of you and your incandescent beauty kept him going. Because he would come home to you.

I get so lost, forget my way; but still you love and you don’t forget my name

Just a number. Cannon fodder. That’s what he’d been trained to believe. Follow orders. Be a good soldier. Maybe you’ll live to fight another day. But you? You’d remembered his name. He’d only told you once. It happened when you’d accidentally bumped into him in that hole in the wall cafe on Coruscant. Spilled his caf everywhere. You apologized, flustered and positively breathtaking, according to him. “I’m so sorry. Let me buy you a new caf,” you paused and glanced at his cup looking for his name. “Rex. My name is Rex.” “Of course, Rex. I like that by the way.” He couldn’t hide the surprised grin that overtook his face. The next time he saw you in that same cafe, you greeted him. By name. He’d only told you once. Several rotations had passed. And here you were smiling and calling his name. He didn’t think he’d ever loved the sound of his name as much as he did when you said it that day. He still felt that way. When he loses his way, doubts himself, feels expendable, like nothing more than a number, all you have to do is say his name and it brings him back. He kept coming back after that day. He wanted to see you again. Little did he know you were doing the same.

You never forgot his name, and you never will. You promised him that.

If you can hold the stars in place you can hold my heart the same

He’d finally gathered the courage to ask you out. The two of you lost track of time and it was late when he escorted you back to your apartment. You’d gone on a long ramble about loving the night and the stars as you walked hand in hand. He was certain you’d hung the stars, absolutely no questions asked. Right there on that first date he wanted to give you his heart. Instead he left you with a sweet first kiss. He knew that night he would give you his heart completely eventually.

Whenever I fall away whenever I start to break

You were his safety when he broke for his lost brothers. When he was tired of the war. When he was tired. You held him, imbuing your love through your touch. You let him break. You let him feel. You let him release everything he’d held in for the days, weeks, months he was away from you. Even when he pulled away, you were patient. You waited for him to find his way back, because he always did. And he apologized. You welcomed him back every time with open arms and an abundance of kisses.

If you can calm the raging sea you can calm the storm in me

You were his refuge. You calmed every storm that raged within him. Every nightmare that left him drenched in sweat or the night terrors that had him thrashing and screaming the names of his brothers, you were there. You held him. Your soft whispers, gentle strokes of his buzzed blonde hair, rubbing his arms, his back until he settled back to sleep or he woke up, they all grounded him. You didn’t know it but he remembered every time. The first time he was so worried he’d scared you away. When you reached for him instead, he collapsed into your arms, knowing he was finally safe.

So here I am lifting up my heart to the one who holds the stars

And now, he’s finally home. Rex is standing at the door, bucket tucked under his arm and rehearsing the words before punching the door activation pad. You’re surprised. He wasn’t due home for another few rotations. You can’t stop the happy tears as you run to him and leap into his arms. You pepper his face with the kisses he has so desperately missed and he laughs. “Mesh’la,” he pauses for only a heartbeat, pulling you tighter into his arms, “I’ve missed you. My cyar’ika, my sweet, my everything. Have I ever told you I’m positive you hold the stars in the sky?” You press your forehead to his, crinkling your nose as you smile the most sincerely since he was home last. He closes his eyes and breathes you in before continuing, “I love you.” You pull back shocked, he’d never said it before. Now he’s here, lifting his heart to you, the one he believes holds the stars. “Rex,” you sigh dreamily, “I love you too.”

#star wars the clone wars #star wars #star wars fanfiction #clone force 99 #star wars the bad batch #clone captain rex #captain rex x reader #captain rex #rex my beloved #rex my sweet babboo #anxiouspineapple99 writes #captain rex headcanon #501st battalion #501st #the clones #tcw fanfic #tcw #sw tcw fanfic #sw tcw #sw tbb #star wars tbb #song inspo #song inspired #song inspired fic #star wars fandom #fanfiction #fanfiction writer #fan fiction #sw fan fiction #hobby writer

[thewolvesof1998]

Writing Poll Tag Game Results (18+)

So both You make bad days infinitely better and Mafia Buddie AU won so here are the snippets from those WIPS:

You make bad days infinitely better:

Sophia crumples in on herself, her sobs cutting through the night's air and into his heart. Before he can register that he’s moving his knees are hitting the ground in front of Soph’s chair and he’s pulling her into a hug. She's shaking like a leaf, so tiny in his arms, clinging to his shirt and tears soaking his shoulder like she used to do when she was young. His knees start to ache but he doesn’t let go not until her breaths even out and her grip loosens. When he finally pulls back he notices that it’s not just her checks that are wet, her hand comes up to pat his wet cheek.  “Look at us,” She sighs “We’re a mess.” “This is why I hate coming home.” He wipes at his cheeks before finally standing up, knees cracking, Sophia using the opportunity to half-heartedly mock how old he is trying to restore an air of normalcy that Eddie appreciates. Eddie settles back in his chair and happily accepted the tequila bottle when it’s offered.  He takes a few mouthfuls, steals himself and admits, “I don’t even know if I’m,” he waves unable to say the word which is something he was still working on with Frank.  “Gay?” “Yeah I just, there's this guy…Do you remember Buck?” “Hmmm Buck, Buck?” She teases, tapping her chin exaggerated like a goddamn cartoon, “Oh yes! Your best friend, the person my nephew, Abula and you can’t stop talking about?” “Shut up,” He says ducking his head and hoping the dark hides that he’s blushing furiously.   “And does he like you back?” Eddie hesitates, thinking back over the last few months, all the moments that left him wondering if just maybe his feelings are returned but then he remembers past girlfriends and no hints that Buck’s into guys. He sighs, “I don’t know.”

It's inspired by this post for @bucksbirthmark​. You can read some more of it here, here, here, here and here and here's the mood board.

For you mi amor, I choose Death / Mafia Buddie AU:

Eddie’s fingers trail over the long-healed scars on his back and Buck can feel the barely restrained fury radiating from him. He turns his head to look at Eddie and places a kiss on the only thing within his reach, Eddie’s bicep where it holds him up. It's enough of a distraction to pull those whiskey eyes he loves so much away from the marks his parents left to Buck’s own gaze.  Eddie sucks in a breath, “If Bobby hadn’t already-” “I know.” “If someone even lays a hand on you like that again, I’ll kill them.”  There’s a promise of brutal violence in his tone, it sends a shiver down Buck’s spine and a vicious sort of pleasure soaking through his body. Buck can’t help the grin that spread across his face, he probably looks like a love-sick fool but he couldn’t care less. He leans up on a forearm and reaches his other hand up, threading his fingers into Eddie’s hair and pulling him into a filthy kiss.  He pulls back far enough away to whisper “I wouldn’t expect any less,” against Eddie’s lips.  Eddie groans and places a quick kiss on the corner of his lips, “Of course, you’d be into that.” Buck catches Eddie’s bottom lip between his teeth and gives it a tug in the way he knows will have Eddie moaning before pulling away, “If anyone lays a hand on you, I’d kill them too,” He tightens his hold on Eddie’s hair, “You’re mine and I’m yours.” “Eres mi mundo y me has conquistado,” You’re my world and you have conquered me Eddie murmurs, quoting the love note Buck has burned into his memory. Their lips meet in a bruising kiss that doesn’t stop as Buck rolls onto his back, pulling Eddie along with him until he’s on top of him, every naked inch of him pressing Buck into the mattress in the way he loves. Buck slings a leg over his hip and uses the leverage to roll his hips up into Eddie’s. He groans, his dick hardening with the friction.  Eddie chuckles, “So soon again, amor?” "Only for you."

If you want to know a little bit more about this fic here a post I made about it!

Tagging people who voted or interested in these fics: @wikiangela​​ @wildlife4life​ ​ @alyxmastershipper @prince-buck-diaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @jesuisici33​ @heartbeatdiaz @bekkachaos @buddierights @forthewolves @911-on-abc @hippolotamus @shitouttabuck @911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @eddiediaztho @your-catfish-friend @hannah-ruth-990 @malewife-buck @i-ghostgirl @mrevanbuckley @sammy-souffle @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese  @brokenribsdiaz @idealuk @princehattric @gunsknivesandplaid @name-is-loading @sarcastic-nerd @weewootruck

#9-1-1 #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #9-1-1 fic #thewolvesof1998 writes #buddie mafia au #fic: you make bad days infinitely better #fic: for you mi amor I choose death

[rosewaterandivy]

I love your writing style and after stalking your blog I found out that you studied English. Got any writing advice for someone who's still trying to figure out and develop their own style? I feel like I have so many ideas but the execution is 👎

Hello sweet thing! 🥰 Thanks for reading and a quick disclaimer before I dive in here: I don’t really even understand my own process/style yet and that is perfectly fine. I think it’s important to take risks in writing to develop skills and see what vibes with you and what doesn’t. So, while I have two degrees in English, I’ve never taken a creative writing class— just wanna get that out there. Now, onto the advice!

Read. Read often and voraciously. This method is tried and true for a reason, and that’s because it works. When I’m lacking in the inspiration department, I read poetry, novels, non-fiction, works by other writers in the community, maybe do a deep-dive with some lyrical analysis— if you know, you know. Seeking out other voices to inspire and teach is paramount.

(Continued under the cut)

To grow as a writer (or, really as a person), you can’t exist in your own silo. You need to engage with other stories. On some level, you should be listening to other’s voices and studying their styles. Otherwise, you’ll stunt your development as a writer. You could also, inadvertently, reinforce bad writing habits, if you’re not expanding your horizons by consuming other author’s works.

And this conversation has been making its run in the community as well as my corner of academia, but I’d be remiss not to touch on it here: there is no such thing as originality in literature. Everything from the Carolingian Cycle to Homeric Hymns to tropes, etc. has already been said and done. But what matters here, truly, is how you can put your spin on something. Have soulmate AUs been done to death? Yes. Is that gonna stop me? Hell to the no! I love that shit, of course I want to engage with that trope and see what I can do with it.

Rhythm. Cadence, flow, whatever you call it— this is crucial to me as a writer and academic. And honestly? I’m still figuring this one out for myself. I tend to talk or ramble as I write, mostly to test out dialogue for how it sounds but also as an editing trick. I tell my students all the time, read your work out loud before assuming it’s all said and done! You’d be amazed at how many things you’ll catch by stumbling over words and phrases that the eye would skip over.

I think a lot of this comes from patterns I’ve picked up from reading. Because I read and listen to other author’s voices and styles, I’m more equipped to see mistakes in my own syntax and voice because I’ve diversified my exposure to other styles of sentence structure, etc. So, yes, this does go back to reading and finding other voices— but it truly does help!

Feel it out. First and foremost, I am a chaotic writer— my GDrive is a mess and I can’t even imagine how many WIPs I have that are just a single sentence or phrase at this point. But everyone has to start somewhere, and for most of us, that takes the form of a sentence, phrase, or occasionally, a single word.

I just kind of just go for it in the docs, to be honest. I’ll get frustrated, walk away, delete (keep a doc designated as a graveyard/junkyard for this purpose, trust me!), get distracted, etc. But that’s okay and to be expected with the creative process. Flow can’t happen without a little resistance at first.

Play with syntax. Would a longer sentence be more meaningful here? Shorter? What about repetition? Think about word choice as well— identify the tone and mood you want to project.

Word Choice. Specific words are used for a calculated focus or effect— think about it. Would you want to hear the smacking of lips from a few tables over on a first date? Or hear the sounds of your roommate going to town on an apple while you’re putting the moves on that hottie from said first date?

Readers can feel the significance and weight of a word, how much space it occupies in a sentence: they have real influence. It’s not just morphemes and phonemes and phonetics; words project experience and sensation, so it’s important to tie your words to your intent or the mood you’re attempting to create.

If I’m writing an intimate scene, I’m not going to use abrasive words that will jar the reader from the tone I’m working so hard to craft. I’ll choose soft words, immersive words — a little repetition, as a treat, so we can sink more gently into the scene. Mention light, texture, employ the softness the surrounds the characters and kinesthetic imagery (imagery describing the actions or movements of the body), but above all, keep it soft.

Synonyms are a wonderful thing! Have a word that’s too clunky for that specific phrase? Find a shorter one; too harsh, find a gentler one; so on and so forth.

This is where reading other stories will help (she says, circling back to point 1). Inevitably, it will diversify your personal vocabularly and your ability to string words together in sentences. The tricks I’ve absorbed by just reading? Innumerous, incalculable and lucky for me, they’re instinct by now.

Format. What’s the goal? If the scene is action heavy, keep the sentences short. Urgent. Focus on the senses we should be aware of in a fight scene. Looking for something more intimate? Stretch things out, suspend time and let people ease into the moment gently.

Short sentences can narrow your focus; longer sentences, the ones that ebb and flow and gather multiple senses, those are some of my favorites— so enriching and immersive.

What view is most important in a given scene? Would a character be more focused on the feel of their beloved’s skin against theirs or the how the hurt reflects in their eyes?

Synesthesia. Ah, yes, my favorite. Synesthasia is a technique adopted by writers to present ideas, characters, or places in such a manner that they appeal to more than one sense, like hearing, sight, smell, and touch at a given time. I am guilty of using this whenever I possibly can because I think being able to embody a scene is crucial to effective writing.

Sensory experience is something that helps me find my way in a narrative. It allows me to settle in. Think about the various qualities of differing sensory experiences, and their consequence. Every sense doesn’t need to be included, just because you can does not mean you should.

Plus, it’s quite convenient for implying intimacy. A character who notices that another character smells of bergamot, cinnamon, or home accomplishes a lot of things in a few words. It immerses the reader in the scene in a very real way; it’s a quick, easy avenue into establishing a history and a relationship between the two characters; and it implies something deeper than a passing acquaintance/platonic interest.

But, I’m also an olfactory snob, so what do I know!

Oof, yeesh, sorry for the ramble here! I think the truth of it is this: I don’t make a lot of these choices consciously. I get stuck somewhere and feel my way around until I can make sense of it again, laying puzzle pieces or clues that I hope others will be able to find when they read it.

I guess my main advice is to read. Read often and well, experience other voices and styles, go outside your comfort zone! If you lock yourself away in that silo or echo chamber, you’ll only reinforce one style or approach— you’ll miss out on so much beauty and creative experiences that the world has to offer!

To close, I’m going to list and tag a few works and authors I’ve found to be instrumental in my reading and writing experience.

Best of luck anon!

QuinAnderson’s The Ultimate Guide to Writing Smut Fic

@loveshotzz , @carolmunson, @jo-harrington, @wroteclassicaly , @stevenose , @bettyfrommars (and I’m sure I’m forgetting some at this moment!! I’m sorry 😩) have their own special way of weaving a story, breathing emotion and life into it.

My fic rec tag

Poetry:

Crush by Richard Siken

Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz

Night Sky With Exit Wounds & Time Is A Mother by Ocean Vuong

The works of Louise Gluck, Elizabeth Bishop, Gloria Anzaldua, Slyvia Plath, Rilke, Ilya Kaminsky, and Jeanette Winslterson

Movies:

In the Mood for Love

Y tu mamá también

Moonlight

Atonement

#cee’s got mail! #cee’s advice

[wordsofhoneydew]

WIP wednesday!!

good evening pookies <3. i’m so terribly sorry that this is so late, i had a 4 pm class and didn’t get home until 8, but i am here to serve nonetheless…

thank you @anincompletelist for tagging me!! i’m really excited to show this wip bc it’s going to be my next short? fic.

feedback is ALWAYS appreciated so please don’t be shy :). also i don’t know a lot of bloggers that write rwrb fics so please please please leave some recs in the comments!!

White. That’s all Alex sees when he opens his eyes. In place of the four walls that surround him in his small bedroom, there’s an endless plane of white. No walls, painfully bright, and a head-splitting ache between his eyes. He looks down at his sock-covered feet and then the blue plaid pajama pants he wore to go to sleep. Is this it? Is this how Alex dies? A painless, peaceful death in his sleep? Without saying goodbye to his loved ones? He rakes his brain to think of how he ended up here. But his mind is inexplicably void of any thoughts. Blank, just like the aura around him.

And then he hears it. The sound of a whimper followed by a fretful cry. He looks around but there’s nothing still. He squints his eyes, hoping that he will be able to make out anything in his vicinity. The cry gets louder, closer.

“Hello?” He calls out. The cry stops momentarily. “I-I can’t see you… Hello?” There’s no verbal answer, just the sound of the person sniffling back tears.

Then the realization sets in. Alex is in a dream.

“A-are you alright?”

“No.” The person's voice is barely above a whisper, but Alex hears it loud and clear as if it were his own thoughts echoing through his brain. Hearing the sound of someone else’s voice in his head was strange, and alien, but it somehow felt intrinsic to him.

Alex is unknowing of what to do. He’d never experienced anything like this before. A dream as vivid and eccentric as this. Hell, he’s never even dreamt before, maybe not since he was a child. This is beyond atypical from the black abyss that permeated his subconscious during rem sleep. This feels too real.

thank you for reading! have a lovely night/morning <3

my ao3 is wordsofhoneydew

tags: @indestructibleheart @almightaylor @changinghearts @magicandarchery

@getmehighonmagic @sparklepocalypse @kiwiana-writes

#wip wednesday #wip #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #prince henry rwrb #henry fox mountchristen windsor #rwrb #rwrb fanfiction #rwrb fanfic #rwrb au #au fanfiction #writer #ao3 fanfic #ao3 writer #ao3 #fanfics #red white and royal blue fanfic #fanfic #rwrbsource

[crazyunsexycool]

Hey Val, how are you doing?

I was just wondering if you would be able to give us a little taster of anything you've written but not yet posted? I'm almost done binging all your writing 😢😢

🩷🩷🩷🩷

First of all, thank you for your support!!

Here is what I’ll do, I’ll post a few sneak peeks of Wips for either chapters or one shots I’m writing!

My Little Love:

“What do you say, Henry, should you have matching braids like your sister?” You joke as you comb through his hair.

“Mama.” He giggles. “No. I want my hair down.”

“Oh, ok. If you change your mind though, I can totally braid it.”

He laughs but pulls away while Lottie begs him to get braids.

“We’ll get him next time, sweet Angel.”

“Next time, mama.”

“Alright, time for shoes.”

You grab Lottie and head toward her room when you bump into Bucky who was dressed and ready to go.

“What is this about braiding Henry’s hair?” He was already giving you a suspicious look but the corners of his mouth were upturned.

“You next dada.”

Life, love and dancing with death

Civil War!Bucky Barnes x reader

A few hours later, in the middle of the night while you’re watching the world pass by your window you hear screaming. It’s muffled but you hear it. It dawns on you that it’s from the apartment below yours. Bucky was in trouble. Or so you thought, so you rush down stairs and knock on his door until it swings open. The sight before you is devastating. Bucky’s eyes were wide and distant, like he was lost in his memories. Sweat kept some of his hair clinging to his forehead and overall he looked terrified.

“James?” You called softly. “Is everything ok?”

He shook his head, eyes filled with unshed tears.

“What can I do?”

“Can- can I f-feel you?” He stuttered through the question.

“I’m here.” You reached your hand out and he took it before pulling you into his apartment.

Bucky doesn’t just hold you, no he clings to you. Desperate to wake up from his nightmares, to realize that he isn’t strapped to that chair anymore. You don’t know any of that of course and he isn’t going to tell you either. Instead he does something he hasn’t done in 70 years.

He kisses a pretty girl.

This is how it feels

Modern Prince!Ransom Drysdale x Reader

It was like breathing for the first time. Like seeing color in its true vibrant form. Hugh Ransom Drysdale, disgraced Prince, came to life the moment he saw you across the ballroom.

Ethereal and the picture of grace. A beauty beyond compare. As all royals there was an air of sadness that you masked poorly but no one seemed to notice or care. But Ransom saw it, he felt it in his soul. He had learned a long time ago that no one cared, especially when you screwed up and tore the family’s reputation to shreds.

If no one cared why should he? That was a lesson Ransom took to heart. It’s how he became the black sheep of the royal family and was practically a pariah. He was tolerated because his grandfather was King. He used his status as Prince to bed any woman he chose including the wives of foreign noblemen. At one point a war was almost started and even then Ransom didn’t seem to care.

Ransom watched as you were paraded around the ballroom by different eligible bachelors. It was clear that your father was using you as a bargaining chip and you knew it.

Love in times of war part 2

“I knew it was a bad idea to let her go out so soon.” Steve’s voice reached you but it was so hard to open your eyes.

“Too soon? Steve, she's been here for two months. You can’t keep her locked up.”

That was Bucky. They were having a whispered argument.

“It’s not about keeping her locked up. It’s about keeping her safe. She’s still the only person that knows the formula for the serum. Every agency and country in the world is going to come after her.”

“Steve?” You asked. Everything was blurry, all you could make out was shapes moving around and that caused you to panic. “Steve?”

“I’m right here. It’s ok.”

“I can’t see.”

“I know, it’s a side effect from the smoke grenades and the hit you took but it will clear up.” He reassured you while taking your hand. You breathed a sigh of relief at having him close.

“What happened?”

Oh Baby (might turn this into a 2part or mini series)

Single dad! Bucky x Single mom!Reader

Flustered, unsure and overwhelmed did not begin to cover the emotions Bucky was feeling as he walked into the room full of moms. A newborn strapped into the stroller and a backpack full of supplies strapped to his back. His long hair was pulled into a messy bun which allowed everyone to see how exhausted he looked.

“May I help you?” The instructor asked as she got closer to him.

“This is the class for parents with newborns, right?”

“Yes it is. Is your wife or girlfriend joining us?” The smile the instructor had plastered on her face was fake.

“No. I saw online that anyone could join. I have a newborn and I don’t really know what I’m doing. Thought I could give the class a try.” He scratched the back of his neck nervously as he looked around the room.

Almost everyone had a look of disapproval on their face which only served to make Bucky feel worse. He was out of his depth having to care for a newborn.

“Well it says that but this is really a mommy and me class.”

“Well the ad said anyone can join so where can I sit?” Bucky said with more confidence.

The instructor gave an exasperated sigh and opened her mouth to ask him to leave.

“There’s a free spot here.”

#you’ve got mail 💌 #val answers #sneak peek #Bucky x reader #Steve rogers x reader

[polar-equinoxx]

A fic masterlist! Finally!

And here is my ao3 account :D

Take your pick, all of these are sfw, full of fluff or angst and definitely hurt/comfort; and are rated either gen or teen^^

More detailed summaries added underneath each one and oh my god this post is so long

featuring the main two of all of these bc why the hell not

Oh and the series on ao3 is linked in the headings of each sector :)

I will be updating this whenever I write more fics, so keep watch XD

☁️The heavens told me that clouds have been grey

all of my icemav fics! So guaranteed smooches <3 none of them link to each other unless they are in a seperate series ^^

find the masterlist here! yes I made a seperate post its because there are so many of them quq

🌟Canons shoot ships but not this one

all of my fics that could fit into the canon timeline, (featuring an occasional icemav smooch cus lets be for real they did probably kiss at least once)

find the masterlist here! yes I made a seperate post for this too lmao

Long-fics (5k or above)

🍁Hot Summer Nights to Cold Winter Days (18k words, 10 chapters split between two works)

Rated Teen, with fluff and a genourous amount of angst and hurt/comfort

When Goose and his pilot were allowed to go to Top Gun, then Ice couldn’t think of anything better. Only until he’d seen Maverick and fallen head over heels in love with him. That July Saturday had changed everything, Goose had gone, and Maverick had fallen into a deep dark pit, and Ice, wanting to look out for Maverick, had dived straight in after him, unwilling to let his wingman get stuck there. Ice promised Maverick he’d go to the ends of the earth with him, and that is what he would do, even if it meant they’d both hurt.

❄️Returning to You (25k words, 15 chapters)

❄️ Letters : Epilogue (1.5k words)

Rated Teen, a lot of angst. Seriously. But a lot of hurt comfort to make up for it :,) Oh yeah, the amnesia is the cause of the angst..

In the months after Goose’s death, Maverick has been forging a deep friendship with Iceman. So deep, in fact it feels like nothing could come between them, even though he hasn’t been entirely honest about exactly how he is feeling. It’s hard to do, but it only seems to get harder when a scouting mission takes a turn for the worse.

🌷Galloping into the Cold (5k+ words, completely a wip, 3 chapters right now)

Rated Teen, angst, fluff hurt-comfort, medieval au, they ride horses.

Thomas Kazansky, nicknamed Ice for the personality that isn’t even his; feels like he’s stuck in his pampered posh life. That’s until he falls off his horse and meets Peter Mitchell and realises he might have a chance to be something other than his surname.

🌙 when the human strokes your skin, that is when you let them in (29k words, 14 chapters)

Rated Teen, angst hurt/comfort and secretive mutual pining with miscommunication sprinkled on top

Top Gun. Top Gun! Maverick had only gone and actually done it, and it would be the best five weeks of his life, for sure. If only there wasn’t a distraction with the name of Iceman. Anyway, he was so relieved that he was going to do it and win that trophy with Goose. But many things don’t go to plan.

🌹Roses (5k words, a 4+1)

Rated Teen, angst, unrequited love, a lot of valentines days, pining and eventual fluff

Nobody in Iceman’s life has meant more to him than Pete Mitchell does. He’s dangerous and annoying but incredibly cute, and Ice thinks if he looks at him one more time with that smile of his, his legs are going to give out under him. Try as he might, he can’t say anything to address the crush he has on him. // Or, the four times Ice wants to admit to Maverick that he loves him and the one time he does.

🧊Not Enough (11k words, a 5+1)

Rated teen, angst, self doubt, abusive parents, mutual pining and eventual fluff

Iceman has been told one way or another and all through his life that he's not good enough, for whatever that may be. He dreads turning out even the slightest bit like his father, and he'll do everything in his power to stop himself from becoming like him. / Or, five ways people say to Ice that he's not enough and the one time he says it.

🐎Heaven In Your Eyes (WIP, 2 chapters at 3k)

They r cowboys, no-one dies, (!?!), they ride horses, with pining, fluff and friends to lovers

Thomas Kazansky is the notorious peace-maker of the new place in Colorado the people call Durango. Pete Mitchell was supposed to be passing it on his way to California, but the small town seemed nice enough to stay for while. For some reason, their paths keep crossing, but Pete, as rebellious as he is, doesn't mind. / Or, a western icemav fic that takes place in 1886

❤️‍🩹Goose lives AU (Goose lives and there's no such thing as DADT)

❤️‍🩹Seasick (1632 words)

Rated Teen, sickfic, hurt/comfort A mission is flown, the mission is successful, but a certain Pete Maverick Mitchell is seasick. Badly.

❤️‍🩹Saved by Sickness (2037 words)

Rated Teen, sickfic, hurt/comfort, this is how Goose lives lol The thing about Iceman is that he never gets sick. Or at least he thought he didn’t. Most of the time it was just a cold. Most of the time he jut felt a little bit more tired for a couple of days, then he was back to normal. This was not one of those times, as he's about to find out.

❤️‍🩹Spur of the Moment (3788 words)

Rated Teen, with fluff, pining, Goose and Slider embarrassing both Ice and Mav, and no DADT cus who am I to do that??? Maverick is about to fall asleep standing. He's so tired that the last thing he's going to be thinking about is what comes out of his mouth. Especially if it's 'baby'. Especially if it's to his wingman. Or, Maverick calls Ice 'baby' for the first time.

🕊Angelus AU (The icemav boys are angels, but that isn't normal)

🕊Growing Pains (1494 words)

Rated Teen, patching up injuries, angst, post-argument, hurt/comfort He doesn’t know how he gets to his bathroom, but once he reaches a point that lets him lift his head up to try and see his back in the mirror, he’s immediately chucked into a pit of horror and disbelief. “Oh god-” His wings were growing. God dammit of course they had to choose tonight to start.

🕊Cold Wings (2137)

Rated Teen, patching up injuries, fluff, hurt/comfort

The good news? Ice was there. / The bad news? There was blood all over his back and he was about to collapse over the sink. / “Oh jesus christ-” Maverick says as he shuts the door behind him and goes straight over to him, dropping the towel on the floor. || Or, Ice's wings decide to appear at a very awkward time.

🌠Shooting Stars (A small series where the icemav both stargazed as kids and Maverick dated Charlie beforehand)

🌠Starboard Half Light (3104 words)

Rated Gen, with pining, and hurt/comfort

It had been such a tiring day, and so emotionally charged too, so why was Maverick still wide awake? It seemed like the only option he had left was to go see Iceman, his newly titled wingman. Hopefully he was awake. Maverick just wanted to talk to someone. Or, Maverick and Iceman talk on the starboard side of the USS Enterprise for the entire night

🌠Shooting Stars (1886 words)

Rated Teen, a lot of kissing and pining. So much kissing seriously.

Maverick has always loved stargazing, ever since he was a kid. He has also had a crush on Iceman ever since he laid eyes on him. So what better to do than go stargazing with him, right?

🌠Afterglow (1635 words)

Rated Teen, hurt/comfort obviously with mentions of guilt tripping and Mav's past relationship with Charlie

“I- I promised…” “Hey, hey… you don’t have to be s-” “Yes I do,” Maverick interrupts him. “I promised her I wouldn’t because she’d- she…” She? “Who, Mav?” Or, Maverick wakes up in the middle of the night and tries to hide the nightmare he's just had from Ice, because he knows what will happen if he tells him.

#ms tg #ms fanfics #if you're reading this then beware the long post!!! #but if you're reading this then how was the long post? #and here are the tags for all of these! #ms hsntcwd #ms rty #ms gitc #ms wthsystiwylti #ms hiye #ms angelus au #ao3 #masterlist #fic masterlist #top gun fanfiction #fanfic

[huntingrays]

man, i have an idea for a jason revival fic/valgrace fic that i rlly wanna do, but I already have like… 3 valgrace wips, one of them being a different revival fic. also i dont have much of a plan for the whole fic, just some small ideas.

basically, the premise is that due to the prophecies n shit being messed up in toa, peoples’s fates are messed up as well.

so, after toa, the fates are trying to fix the fates of those whose fates were messed up by the whole ordeal. one of them was jason. so, they bring him back (but don’t bother to tell him… or anyone else, really).

the only problem? the classic issue of bringing someone back. jason comes back wrong. instead of being normal human jason, he can shift into a wolf, and a big one at that (my personal headcanon is that he’s like torso/shoulder height on an average, fully grown adult. ye, a big boi). also, he comes back in wolf form, and can’t shift back. he’s vaguely aware of who he is, but not much beyond that. he’s also vaguely aware of the smells of people he knows and trusts (but not what they look like or specifically why they’re important to him… or that he should somehow inform them that he is jason grace, back from the dead and now a wolf).

so basically, leo is sent on some quest (mayhaps a solo quest? or he’s separated from his friends for a time) and during it, he ends up having to fight vicious beasts under the control of some monsters. they decide to start out with their most vicious, which is wolf jason. leo doesn’t want to fight an innocent creature so he thinks fast and he’s able to escape with both himself and the wolf. once they’re safe, he takes off the device controlling wolf jason, and the two end up becoming friends. jason doesn’t realize leo is his best friend, but he gets from his smell that leo is important to him and that he’d do anything to keep him safe, which is just what he decides to do. leo doesn’t know this wolf is jason (literally why would he?), but he does think the wolf reminds him a lot of jason (with blue eyes and a scar on his muzzle that reminds him of the scar on jason’s lip) so he decides to call him “jay” and keeps him around as a much needed companion.

that’s pretty much the bulk of what i wanted to write. didn’t have much else planned besides that… expect for a vague idea for how the reveal/shift back happens. basically, the idea i had was somehow, maybe towards the end of the quest, there’s a fight by a cliff. also, maybe others are there, for more people to bant with and added tension. in the fight, leo nearly gets knocked off and is hanging on by just a hand. wolf jason goes to save him, but he doesn’t have arms or hands or thumbs to grabs him with, so he just like, bites his arm and starts to drag him up that way. however, as he’s pulling him up, the ground crumbles under them and they both fall. and jason, he cares about and loves leo. he would do anything to keep him safe. so, just in time, he manages to shift back out of sheer desperation to save leo, and safely floats them to the ground. I’d imagine leo would be very shocked (his dead best friend is now alive and as the wolf he’d been traveling with but now he’s very alive). idk what happens after that… probably meeting with some very shocked friends, bc if they were there with people, those guys just saw leo and a wolf fall to their death but suddenly float back as leo with a somehow alive jason and no wolf.

idk the only other ideas i had were just shenanigans at camp with wolf shifter jason. i imagine he’s not that scary as a wolf, just like… a big, dumb dog. a big, dumb dog that only bites if you hurt leo. leo does really mind jason being all protective, he loves any form of positive attention. he just thrives off of it. jason would definitely weaponize his sad puppy dog eyes to get leo to take a break. maybe we can apply some werewolf rules and say he like has to be in wolf form during the full moon? and leo definitely messes with him, like pretending to throw a ball but actually not, which jason gives him the silent treatment for a day after. also, jason being clean in human form doesn’t transfer over to wolf form, so leo has to give him bathes. and wolf jason hates the bathes and is very vocal about it. leo also hates the bathes because jason is very stubborn and makes it much harder than it needs to be. he ends up getting more clean than jason by the end. idk, the idea of serious jason being a silly, dramatic, goofy wolf strikes joy. i also imagine that, when he sees leo lying down, if he’s in wolf form that he just goes over to him and lays his whole body down on leo’s, much to leo’s dismay. but leo allows it bc he spoils wolf jason. also no clue how valgrace get together… just that it happens at some point. also, idk i imagine that he loves human jason and wolf jason in different ways. human jason is his bf but wolf jason is just his silly lil guy.

#pjo #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo spoilers #toa spoilers #jason grace #leo valdez #valgrace #wolf jason strikes joy #idk how to tag rambling about a wip that may never happen #maybe one day i’ll write a fic with silly wolf jason shenanigans #also i fucking love jason being protective over leo sue me #jason will be protective over him in every fic i write #i deserve to be as self indulgent as i want #and my brain wants leo to be protected by his bf #and also protected by his best friend pipes #he deserves to be taken care of #they protect him and in return he takes care of them by feeding them and tending to any wounds they may get