#i know he's also struggling mentally because the socializing is what got him out of his first depressive episode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fic-heaven · 3 days

Note

Enemies to lovers with König and witty reader? I don't know if you also write about him so imma leave this here

Answering two anons at the same time lmao

Say my name

(König x witty! Reader)

🐥 The first time König appeared on my drafts was when I was making my last Reyes x Reader fic and um... I kind of wanted to keep doing lmao so here it is. Sorry for my broken English-

Angst/ SOCIAL ANXIETY/ slight nsfw/ open ending (if you guys want a part two and this short gets some attention)

⚠️ I still picture König as Lee Pace ⚠️

They say you transfered from SpecGru to KorTac because you simply wanted a change of airs. But it couldn't be that simple. Why were you so simple?

As antisocial as he seemed to be, König was well aware that a bond between teammates was needed in order to sync and function properly during missions. He wasn't the best at striking up conversations and never intended to improve on this aspect either, often trying to figure people out from the distance, he only approached them if he had questions about their character. Horangi once said it was weird but König frankly didn't care about what was socially accepted or not, he just made the effort to know his team because it was expected of him, and as great as it would be to have friends, he struggled socializing and had given up trying ages ago. König was paid to kill, not to make friends. And as far as his interactions went with his teammates, the only one who gets his game and could be considered his friend is Horangi. But you?

He had tried to investigate you, even going as far as using his position as colonel to gather as much information from your background to understand you without having to make any awkward approach. But nothing he found explained why you changed factions or why you behaved the way you did. You had a normal childhood, went to a good school, graduated being top of your class... Jesus you had a rabbit called Mr. Whiskers, even the deepest info given was borely normal. No trace of trauma or any mental disorder.

König begun studying you like a biologist would to a newfound species and got more and more invested and frustrated the more information he gathered, because he simply couldn't excuse your... Well, your everything.

He approaches you one time during morning drills, looks you up and down as you stretched, ignores the flirty comment you shot his way, because what the fuck is your problem? You don't know him. Then König proceeded to mouth the first thing he ever said to you, one of the main questions he had on his head as to why you would behave so strangely. And it goes like this: "Do you have any mental illness, hm?"

"I might have, yeah."

And you said it so casually. Do you, though? Are you being sarcastic or... God he hates you. Why can't he figure you out!? Why do you smile at him so much? Why do you flirt so much with him? Do you flirt with the others the way you do with him?

That new question made him observe your body language around others and listen carefully to any interaction you had and found nothing but your enchanting witty self. Of course you teased other members, but never so bluntly like the way you flirt with him. The colonel felt weirdly relieved at this. Maybe he liked the attention given? Scratch that, or course not!

One time after a tiring mission in Barcelona, Spain, König approached you with a bottle of water, you thanked him with a wink and he watched you swallow the whole thing before he proceeded to ask you the second question that plagued his mind: "Do you perhaps hide some secret trauma that permanently changed your behaviour, using sarcasm, smirks and jokes to protect your scared inner child in order to not get hurt again?"

"Hmmm... The day I found out my mother was Santa Claus I went bananas, but I wouldn't say it scarred me for life. Do ya want an M&M, colonel?"

He fucking hates you. He hates you. König aggressively snatched a handful of M&M's and stormed away. That night he swore he could hear your laugh echoing inside his head. Why couldn't you leave his fucking mind? What was it with you? Were you doing it on purpose?

_____

You were definitely doing it on purpose.

You have to be patient with König. But he was so hilarious and scary, it thrilled you to watch the two meter tall behemoth of a man walk near you and sneak watchful, calculated glances your way when he thought you weren't looking. If someone dared to ask, you'd easily answer with the honesty everyone knew you posses: You'd fuck König without a thought.

He's so feral in battle, so demanding and intimidating on the comms. His ridiculous voice made him all the more adorable contrasting with his appearance. Oh fuck that. Even his appearance was ridiculous, he looked like the red guy from that creepy show called "Don't hug me, I'm scared" or one of those executioners from the Shrek movie. But he was HOT, with that slutty waist accentuated by his bulky back, those long slender arms that could lift anything on his way, you saw him lift a fucking car a few inches so an injured woman could scape, and as she cried of relief you could feel your pussy crying as well at the sight. And oh his hands... The way he used them, so elegantly but rough, they'd make a beautiful necklace. His voice, as unfitting as it sounded coming from this KorTac monster, made you itch to hear more, his accent was so attractive that it quickly made you addicted to sound of it and your brain pondered on how he'd sound while doing other things. Lucky you, when the stars aligned and you two coincided in the gym you made sure to be close enough to hear the quiet grunts and sighs from the colonel as he trained, to your surprise he never moved away as if he knew what you were doing and thought nothing much of it. Safe to say, you'd gladly eat whatever interaction König graced you with with a speck of salt.

Though, when you begun paying attention to the details (because it was hard to guess his thoughts without seeing his face) You noticed a few things about the colonel that indicated he had a severe case of social anxiety. The way he self isolated, how he forced himself to interact with people resulting in very awkward conversations that led to him coming up as rude to what he got frustrated and scaped the scene, how he loved his job because you were convinced that he thought he was only good at killing. That made you wonder if he had other hobbies... It's funny to imagine a tall, muscly guy like him baking or making origamis.

______

Today you saw the ultimate signal that your big crush wasn't a people's person.

You two were on a meeting with some other KorTac members. König was peeling an apple and had finished it rather quickly as all of you spoke, but he spent ten minutes with the remnants of the fruit slowly browning and drying on his hand, so you decided to test your theory by walking to the near trash can to throw a random paper you crumbled quickly, after a few seconds König abruptly stood up to throw the dried fruit remnant, the tall Austrian glanced your way before he sat again and kept to himself. Okay, so judging by this and how stiff he looks, König doesn't know exactly what to do with his body around people, he needed an excuse to stand up and throw the finished apple so he waited for anyone to use the trash can to go after, BUT he waited a few seconds to stand so he wouldn't look like he was waiting. Must be stressful to be on his shoes. Interesting, but maybe you were overthinking too much, so you decided to do a final test that would definitely tell you if what you thought was right. You didn't want to come to this unless it was really necessary... You'll probably have to apologize later.

You directed all the attention to König by asking a number of things, (obviously work related) that caught the attention of everyone in the room taking the poor colonel by surprise, his cristal blue eyes widened for a minute before he composed himself answering everything you asked with a professional tone until you spotted the tremble on his hands, poor König noticed your attention drift to his hands so he slid them under the table. That's how you knew it. He couldn't handle being the center of attention for prolonged amounts of time. Your poor baby...

You gave him a sympathetic look that again took him by surprise, but by that time König had called the meeting over, gathered his things and walked out before you could approach him.

Damn you and your stupid beautiful voice and worried eyes trying to comfort him discreetly.

Gloved hands fidgeted with the bracelet on his wrist. König remembers the little girl who gifted him said thing. The day him and his team rescued her and some other orphans from a building about to explode, the worried colonel spent a few minutes comforting the little girl until she pulled the orange bracelet from her small SpongeBob backpack, he chuckled at the gesture and had never taken it off since. They even shared some letters from time to time, he held a piece of little Astrid in the form of a cute bracelet and she held a piece of him in the form of sweet spoken letters.

König saw her kind eyes in yours and it squeezed his heart so much he felt suffocated. Why would a teasing little vixen like you have such kind, gorgeous eyes? It was weirdly comforting that someone would look at him so softly like he wasn't a monster for once after so long.

His heart begun beating faster, his head was so full of questions about you it infuriated him. Long legs carried the colonel to the gym absentmindedly, like his body craved to ease some tension, but at the last minute he turned to the left corridor further from the gym, went to the right and finally approached the shooting range's door.

"Scheibe..." König cursed lowly, he could have very well bursted the door out of it's hinges, his gloved hand (still a bit shaky) took his favorite riffle from the top right corner of the shelf while he shot a backward kick to push the metallic door closed. He spent fourteen minutes shooting targets while mauling at your last interaction, rage swirled his insides and yet he couldn't fully hate you for asking questions, after all it was work-related, and the last soft gaze you gave him spoke volumes that you didn't want to advert all the attention to him out of malice. König was reloading his sniper rifle when he heard a gentle thud indicating someone had entered the room.

"You'd make an amazing sniper." You spoke softly trying not to startle him.

"You come to mock me? Laugh all you like. I'm well aware I'm too huge to be a sniper." He spoke in resentment over his shoulder before redirecting his focused gaze to the target ahead.

"I always say size doesn't matter! As long as you know how to handle your weapon, you'll make any girl blush."

Your dark humour takes König by surprise and he misses the dummy's head, he tries to hold back the chuckle that threatened to spill from his hidden lips. Luckily the shirt he wore as a mask shielded his face enough to make it look like he was holding in a cough or a sneeze but you weren't stupid. When he turns to face you placing the riffle to the near table he gets startled by how close you are, the smirk accompanying your lips as you weaseled close to his very sacred personal space made him curse lowly in his mother's tongue. The tall Austrian stepped back and you rose your hands in mocking defeat.

"Alright, I get it, personal space. Jus' wanted to hear ya laugh..."

"I didn't." He hisses.

"Didn't ya? I thought I heard it, must have been the wind."

Your sarcasm often infuriated König who never seemed to get a good grip on his English, so it was hard for him to detect when you were being serious or just pulling his leg. His hands flex on his sides, tiny waist move side to side as he balances his weight before he crosses his arms and leans his back to the wall. König raises a brow when your smirk morphed into a sincere apologetic smile as you admired his stance six feet apart from him.

"I'm sorry for what happened back there." You said honestly, he sucked in a breath. "Didn't want t' put ya on the spot."

The Colonel's cerulean eyes widen in surprise before directing his gaze to your tank top blinking rapidly. It was easier to listen if he wasn't looking directly at your eyes. "König..." Your voice was honey making shivers run up his spine and his skin erupt in goosebumps, his hands trembled even when he fisted them on his crossed stance. "Why don't we start again? Call me paranoid, but I feel like there's tension between us and not the type I'd like."

König wasn't shy, he wasn't, but that last line of yours made him feel like it, and it wasn't an ugly feeling? But it was a little uncomfortable, foreign, it squeezed his heart in a suffocating way, his hands were clammy, he felt weirdly light like if it wasn't for his tapping foot on the floor he'd float away. König understood what you were saying and it comforted him that you were on the same page, the weird unsteadiness between the two of you becoming rather unbearable and a constant topic on both your minds, it was relieving that you thought the same way. Suddenly the ugly anger he had for you quieted down.

The colonel lifted his hand your way offering you a handshake you took with mirth.

"I'm colonel König. Y-you are...?"

"Goddamn. Ain't your parents bit' egotistical? Namin' their baby boy 'king' in their native language." You say with a snicker shaking his hand. He takes it back abruptly but you don't flinch. "I'm Sargeant (c/n). My name is (y/n) (l/n). Is König the name written on your birth certificate or were you called somethin' else?" You press.

König is taken aback by this. When was the last time someone had asked the colonel his name?

"I am..." It tasted foreign on his tongue, like he had forgotten the sound of it, the taste of his own name on his tongue. "My name is Andreas Dobler. That's... That's my name." His name wasn't König, he remembers the man he left behind all those years back, the man under the dark cloak. Before things went to shit, before becoming colonel König.

"Andreas. What a curious name, never heard of it-"

"Say my name again." König interrupts. His voice weak but demanding and desperate. He loved it. He loved the sound of his name on your lips. It was strange, sweet... Arousing, even.

You blinked angling your head up to take a better look at his half-lid eyes. This time König didn't look away, your eyes met and suddenly the ugly tension from before was morphing into another type of tension, your heart beats faster in sync with his. You didn't know you were getting closer until König placed a hand on your waist and then the other, not pushing, not pulling, he simply laid them there and it came so naturally, your playful smile wavered slightly as your hands landed on his shoulders, he shivers. You tilted your head to the side and he was so lost in you, your aroma, your eyes, your lips, your touch, he didn't realize he was returning the head tilt.

Your lips parted, pink tongue darting to hydrate your dry lips until your pearls were visible from the gap, and his eyes catch every movement your mouth makes when you whisper "Andreas."

"Again."

"Andreas-"

"Again..."

"...Andreas..." Your hands slowly move to his chest, his breath hitches. His name has never sounded so sensual whispered by anyone's mouth. You were... You...

"You..." He isn't sure what to say. You are not sure either, suddenly your wit has abandoned you it seems. "You intrigue me." He decides to huff out, accent heavily pronounced.

There's a thousand thoughts swirling on König's mind, he has shared his name but it suddenly didn't feel enough, he wanted to show you who he was, his past, his thoughts, his hopes and dreams, even his face. How can a simple woman like you make König feel so much? Because you were no simple woman. That's why when he felt your small hands slide up his chest to the hem of the shirt that composed his mask, König didn't tense up, in fact, his shoulders relaxed embracing the touch of your fingers gently feeling his neck under the cloth, his stubble, his chin, his high cheeks... Gloved hands grab your wrists.

You stop, still looking up at him noticing the heaving of his chest and how lost in awe his gaze seemed.

"Not yet?"

"I-i... Do not..." Mind. He didn't want to refuse your touch but at the same time it was so overwhelming.

You give a small nod, König lets go of your wrists and you take this opportunity to nuzzle his cheeks, he gasps landing his hands on your waist once more, squeezing the flesh over your tank top. The feeling of your fingers on his face was so foreign it felt like you were touching a piece of his soul.

"Don't you worry, darling..." König lets out a small whimper at this. "I'm rushing things ain' I? We were just getting on the first name basis and I had to screw it all..." You wanted to sound apologetic, you promise, but it was so hard when your colonel was practically purring at the feeling of your soft hands scratching his stubble.

König was putty on your hands, he has never felt this way. His cheeks burn in embarrassment, he tries to move back but remembers he's already against the wall, and you, a small thing like you have him cornered like a honey badger hunting a lion. His lip wobbles and he tilts his head to the side as he feels your hands massage and explore his neck and jaw in long, gentle motions.

"Shy lil' thing... Aren't you pretty hiding under there? Maybe you are too beautiful to allow anyone the pleasure of a simple look. Like a sweet Ferrero Roche firmly wrapped and ready to be eaten." You whisper, voice raspy before you chuckle when his Adam's apple bobs with a swallow. Your body is now pressed compleatly against his, your dear colonel's hands tremble on your sides as he fists your tank top. He's nervous, he's shy, but you know he is enjoying this judging by the way his teary, half-lid eyes blink slowly every time you feel a new inch of skin.

"...Sag bitte mehr, ich flehe dich an..." (Say more please, I beg you.) König moans out, his german accent so strong masking how weak he was feeling at the moment.

He loved your voice, your touch... Your everything. The colonel ran his fingers on your lower back encouraging to continue, meanwhile he very slowly tilted his head higher allowing you more space on his neck to massage and scratch. You chuckle darkly feeling his member poking at your belly, your body instantly pressing harder against his cornered torso.

"You like the sound of my voice, colonel?" You humm, he makes a small noise. "Andreas...?"

His shoulders shake with the force of his shiver, nails digging deliciously on your lower back, you chuckle delighted at the sight tilting his chin to the other side to feel his nape, his ear and some locks of hair. "ich begehre dich..." The Austrian groans, his member now fully erect twitched delighted by the delicious pressure of your torso against it and your soft ministrations to his neck.

Both your radios churr alive until a voice breaks the static, a random operator checking on the comms. König almost knocks you over with how fast he straightened his back and the way his strong grip held you back, his chest heaving fast, eyes wide and vulnerable. You take the opportunity to grab him by the hem of the shirt he uses as a mask.

"Wait-..."

König freezes when he feels cold air hit the heated skin from his neck. You had lifted a portion of the cloth revealing the part you were previously massaging, caressing and scratching. His head moves up to the side trying to hide from your touch, his hands shoot backwards planting on the wall as if a force had taken them from the previous grip he had on you.

"I hope you can forgive me colonel... Can't help it..."

There's a long gash on his neck, a very old scar that seemed to be product of a knife fight or even a bullet, it's crocked and it goes up probably to his right ear. You lean close on tiptoes because he couldn't crouch due to how shocked he still felt, and you planted your wet lips on the surface of the sensitive scar. König's throat rumbles with a groan, his powerful hands finally make the move to take you, to cage your body impossible closer to his. A hard roll of his hips make him gasp in relief and you loudly huff when he handles you to where he was previously caged, his hands soon making small effort to lift you up, both legs wrapped around his waist and he THRUSTS. You are still kissing, licking and nibbling his neck, your hands exploring the long bulky surface of his back, König moans delighted at one particular bite until-

"Shit."

König turned his head back so fast you are sure his neck is rotatory, two pairs of eyes look in shock at Horangi who is standing there holding the rifle König had previously left before all of this happened. Your colonel was frozen in embarrassment his shaking hands still held you up and his boner was no longer stabbing you, the thing died at the speed of light.

"Jesus Christ. You gonna keep staring or you wanna join us, tiger?"

König snaps his head back at you comically fast, icy eyes glare in surprise, horror and astonishment.

"As fun as that sounds I'll leave you two to your games... 'sides, I don't think you'll be able to handle König alone, imagine the two of us. We'd ruin you." The Korean's response made you laugh enchanted with his wit, he walked out the door in quick strides leaving you two alone once more.

König huffs glaring at the wall behind you. The sudden unwelcome presence of his friend seemed to had robbed the magic from the moment. Your Colonel's body shagged slowly lowering your body, and the moment your heels touched the ground his head leaned down falling to the crock of your neck, the feeling of the warm cloth of his mask made you humm. He kissed your clavicle over his mask and you ran your hands to his shoulders until König slowly retrieved.

He took two steps back, with a very noticeable defeated look.

"Hey. We can keep going whenever yer up to. Don't look at me like that, sweet thing." Your voice carried a playfulness that comforted him from the sudden feeling of defeat.

König couldn't meet your eyes, his voice was shaky "I'm just not like this-..."

"Andreas-"

"DON'T -...!" He barked, startling you both.

It was too much, too sudden, too weird, too suffocating. He liked it at first but... König couldn't put into words what he was feeling right now. He hated that the moment was cut short, he hated that he felt like it was his fault and he hated the way you are looking at him with so much concern like when you two were at the meeting.

"Verzeihen Sie mir." He muttered giving you a final short glance before he rushed out of the place leaving the door open and your startled self still leaning on the wall.

You recognized those words even if you didn't know much of German.

"Forgive me." You translated in a whisper.

Will you?

#call of duty modern warfare #cod #witty reader #konig x reader #konig cod #konig mw2 #konig call of duty #konig x reader angst

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dreamonminecraft · 2 years

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I know who these people are just not.. the franticness

I want George to kiss Dream and Dream only

I'm jealous on behalf of the faceless Minecraft man and it's resulting in mental illness live on stream

#slash mostly j #im. enjoying the content i just wish george could be gay with dream and not other men #the visa thing is making me crazy so very parasocially and i know it's not okay #asks #it's mostly just a weird parasocial fomo #dream is kind of stuck waiting for his entire life to start and George is living life normally #i know he's also struggling mentally because the socializing is what got him out of his first depressive episode #and it's good for him #the visa would just be so good for all of them and i hate that everything is such a temporary fix

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monzabee · 3 months

Text

T.G.I.F – cl16

Summary: The one where writing your thesis is harder than you think, but Charles is here to help you through all of it.

Pairing: charles leclerc x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: stress and anxiety, having to make big life decisions, alcohol consumption and a lot of it, cursing, fluff!!

Request: “Hey Bee, I hope you’re having a lush weekend🥰 I’m not sure if you’re taking requests but I can’t stop thinking about Charles Leclerc with a super down to earth gf everyone loves. But maybe she’s got some things going on and deals with it by getting really wild when she’s drunk 🤷🏼‍♀️ thank you x” + “Hi! Would you be into writing a request for Charles, where the reader is going through some difficult time in life (could be mental health struggles, something work or "big life decisions" related, up to you), and he's being very supportive and understanding, offering help as well? ❤️”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! i thought these two requests went very well together and i wanted to give it a go! if you know me then you know i’m very slow at working through my requests, but rest assured i am working on them, thank you for bearing through my slow streak with me!! and of course i had to make it about academic validation/stress because i’m not gonna lie but this master’s thing is kicking my ass and i relate to the reader very much so, lol! i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms.

Charles would not describe you as a high-strung person, not at all. If anything, you are one of the most down to earth people he’s ever met. He can’t even count all the times you’ve talked him down from a mental spiral, and given the position of his team this season, you’ve calmed him down from his stress many many times. So, imagine his surprise when the first thing he hears from his brother when he gets off his plane is that you are in the middle of a club in Monte Carlo, refusing to leave because you want to continue having fun. While he wouldn’t call you a homebody, Charles can admit that the two of you have spent more time at home instead of going out with your friends simply because of your shared love for quiet evenings and cosy nights in. It's not that you dislike socializing; it's just that both of you find joy in the simplicity of being together at home.

But now, as Charles rushes through the lively streets of Monte Carlo, he can't help but wonder what on earth has happened to have caused you to get so drunk. The sound of pulsating music grows louder as he approaches the entrance of the club. The bouncer gives him a sceptical look as Charles flashes his VIP pass, rushing inside with determination. The scene that unfolds before him is something out of character for you. Neon lights flash, and the beat of the music reverberates through the crowded space. People dance energetically, and laughter echoes against the walls. Charles spots you in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by a group of new friends, moving to the rhythm as if the world outside this club doesn't exist, and Arthur – who is trying to reason with you to get you to leave.

Charles pushes through the crowd, feeling a mix of confusion and amusement. He finally reaches you, gently tapping your shoulder to get your attention. When you turn around, the surprise on your face is evident.

“Charlie!" you exclaim, a wide grin on your face as you prolong the end of the nickname you’ve given him, “I thought you weren’t going to be back for another week!”

He raises an eyebrow, a bemused smile playing on his lips as you proceed to wrap your arms around his neck and continue jumping up and down at the same time. Placing his hands on your either side of your hips, he attempts to calm down your movements, “Well, I wanted to come home earlier to surprise you, but imagine my surprise when I realised my girlfriend is not home.” He can’t help himself as his eyes give you a worried look as he does his best to refrain from fussing over you, “Are you okay?”

“I'm more than okay, Charlie! I'm having the time of my life. Join us!” You giggle, swaying a little on your feet.

He sighs, shaking his head. "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but Arthur looks like he's about to give up on trying to get you to leave. What's going on?"

You glance over at your brother and then back at Charles. “He's just being a worrywart. I'm perfectly fine. Besides, I made some new friends!”

Charles raises an eyebrow. "I can see that, mon ange, but shouldn’t we go back home since it’s so late?"

You nod excitedly, as you choose to ignore his question – as if you’re trying to evade talking about what’s bothering you, he realises. “They're great! We've been dancing and laughing. You should meet them!”

Charles takes a deep breath, realizing that trying to reason with you in your current state might be a bit challenging. “Alright, let me meet your new friends, and then we can talk about heading home, okay?”

You nod eagerly, dragging him into the circle of your newfound companions. Arthur shoots Charles a grateful look as if to say, good luck. And he can feel that he’ll need it in the situation. And as always, Charles is a perfect gentleman as he meets with the group of girls, who are as drunk as you. You try your best to convince him to stay for a few songs, but he gives you a pleading look, which you cannot deny, as he wraps an arm around you, guiding you toward the exit. You protest playfully, wanting the night to continue, but he manages to convince you with a promise of a cosy night in together.

The walk back home is filled with laughter and the occasional stumble from you, but Charles keeps a steady arm around you, ensuring you don't stray too far off course. He is careful with you, of course, as he tries to navigate through the dimmed streets of Monte Carlo. He takes a deep breath of relief once the two of you make it to your shared apartment, and you immediately let yourself fall onto the couch to lean against the cushions with a contented sigh, your playful demeanour still intact. Charles retrieves a glass of water for you, handing it over with a gentle smile.

“Thanks, Charlie,” you say, taking a sip and leaning back against the couch. Charles sits beside you, his gaze softening as he looks at you.

“You're welcome,” he replies, his fingers gently brushing through your hair. “Now, tell me what prompted this spontaneous night out. I thought you needed to submit the final draft for your thesis.”

The fact that your reaction is instantaneous makes Charles realise that he royally fucked up by mentioning your thesis. In hindsight, he should’ve known better to bring it up, because you have been stressing over the assignment for months. You pause mid-sip, a shadow crossing your face. Charles can almost see the weight of the unfinished thesis settling back on your shoulders. Your playful demeanor fades, replaced by a more serious expression.

“Yeah, the thesis,” you say, avoiding his gaze. “I just needed a break from it all, you know? It's been consuming me, and tonight was my way of escaping the stress for a little while.”

Charles feels a pang of guilt. He should've known better than to bring up the one thing that has been causing you so much pressure. He reaches out, gently cupping your cheek to guide your eyes back to his. “I'm sorry, mon ange. I didn't mean to remind you of that. Let's talk about it. What's been going on with the thesis? Why is it stressing you out so much?”

You sigh, leaning into his touch. “It's just... I thought I'd be further along by now. The deadline is looming, and I can't seem to get everything to come together. It's like the more I work on it, the more overwhelmed I feel.”

Charles nods in understanding, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. “You don't have to go through this alone, you know. We can figure it out together. Maybe I can help, or we can find someone who can. You don't have to carry the weight of it all by yourself.”

You look up at him, leaning into his gentle touch as you close your eyes for a second to gather your thoughts, “It’s just–” You take a frustrated breath, thinking over your words once again. “I’m supposed be able to do this, how am I supposed to do a Ph.D when I can’t even write my master’s thesis properly?”

Charles listens quietly, his gaze never leaving yours. He can sense the frustration and self-doubt in your words. Leaning in, he places a tender kiss on your forehead before speaking with a reassuring tone. “You will finish it in time,” he assures you, “and you will pass with flying colours, don’t self-sabotage now when you’re almost done with it.”

“But it’s so hard,” dragging out the words as you basically throw yourself into his arms and groan against his sweater, “I just feel like I've hit a wall, and I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

Charles wraps his arms around you, holding you close as you bury your face in his sweater. He strokes your back soothingly, understanding the weight of your frustration. “I know it's hard, mon ange,” he says softly, his words a comforting melody. “But hitting a wall doesn't mean you can't break through it. And as for disappointing anyone, you're not a disappointment. You're human, and everyone faces challenges.” He takes a moment think, “And I say this as someone who has hit several walls-slash-barriers.”

An unexpected laughter comes from you, and to calm yourself you take a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of his sweater. “I just want to do well, to prove to myself and everyone else that I can handle this.”

Charles tilts your chin up, making you meet his gaze. “And you will. You're capable, smart, and resilient. This is just a temporary hurdle, not the end of the road. We'll find a way through it together.”

“Thank you for believing in me, even when I doubt myself.” You whisper, managing a small smile.

“Always, mon amour,” he replies, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. “Now, let’s get you to bed, you’re going to have a killer headache tomorrow.”

#monzabee #requests open #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 smut #formula 1 #fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #imagine #fluff #angst #smut #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc fluff

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sanjisblackasswife · 9 months

Text

𝕋𝕪𝕡𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕚𝕣𝕝 ℍ𝕖 𝕃𝕚𝕜𝕖𝕤

Ft. Zoro, Luffy, Sanji

Bad Summary: Just describing girls they’d be interested in the Modern AU.

CW: None reallyy.

Sanji

Says he doesn’t have a type but he always finds himself gravitating to a woman of a particular kind.

It’s true he doesn’t discriminate but if he HAD to build a woman she’d be a pervert like him.

He wants a woman that understands him, he’s attracted to woman that loves to sit down for hours and listen to his problems.

He loves a woman that expresses her true feminine side, he will spoil you until the ends of the earth. Don’t worry about paying bills, or anything like that he’s got it. He really wants a woman that is strong willed but is also willing to submit to him and let him be the breadwinner of the relationship.

He loves a woman that is caring and so sweet he gets a tooth ache just from being around her. Being so sweet and tender with him makes his heart melt.

He wants a woman that can be his safe space.

He wants a woman that isn’t afraid to eat.

He wants a woman that is able to see the good side of him, because he has struggles seeing it himself

He wants a woman that isn’t afraid of his touch.

He likes a girl that can be open with what she wants from him, willing to speak up and always tell him “ i love you” even at the most randomest times.

He wants a woman that doesn’t want to change him. Only to help him be a better person.

He is in love with big pretty smiles, it just makes him try harder to make you smile even more.

He wants a girl that babies him, he loves being spoiled too whether he admits it or not.

He wants a woman that can carry his children. He does want his own family one day and knowing she does too makes him the happiest man on earth.

Zoro

He’s attracted to a strong woman, not in physique but emotionally and mentally strong. Not wanting to back down from any obstacle that approaches her life.

He wants a good headache. He is a Tsundere at heart and having a girl that can annoy him (In a healthy way) is something he doesn’t mind adding to his life.

He wants a woman that is patient. He isn’t the best verbally expressing his FEELINGS and if you’re willing to work with him on that he will absolutely make it worth your while.

He wants a funny woman. He loves to have a good time laughing and making memories with her, cracking jokes and just taking it easy

He wants a woman that’s cuddly. He wants his girl to like his personal stuffed animal when he is laying down or sleeping.

He wants a woman that can bring the best out of him.

He likes a micture of a girly girl and a tomboy. He loves his woman to be feisty, smart mouthed and little, but still knows her boundaries as his girlfriend.

He wants a girlfriend that isn’t easily jealous, he doesn’t care for women that expresses little to know trust in him. It’s a bother.

He wants a woman he CAN trust. Showing his feelings is hard. And he wants that reassurance he can work through it with you.

He wants a woman that gives constant hugs and kisses, whether he says it or not he loves the affection and attention of one woman. Everybody else can literally go away when he’s with her.

He wants a private woman. He isn’t a fan of putting his relationship all on social media nor for everybody to know about. Not saying he wants it hidden but not everything they do together needs to be displayed for the public

He wants a woman that knows her self worth. He will never allow her to sit and talk down about herself or think she doesn’t deserve him because in reality he KNOWS he doesn’t deserve her.

He wants a woman willing to listen to him.

He wants a woman he knows he can spend the rest of his life with and not just anything temporary.

Luffy

He wants someone adventurous! He wants a girl that can wake him up from his nap to go hiking or to the park or even out to eat!

He wants a woman that is a tomboy at heart. He doesn’t mind really any kind of girl, but knowing he can be a little more rough with her is actually better for him

He wants a woman that doesn’t try to change his beliefs or his lifestyle. He’s a carefree man and if she is more “strict” living it may not work out

He wants a woman that laughs a lot. Nothing makes him smile more than seeing his girlfriend cackle at his jokes.

Speaking of jokes he also wants a funny woman. He likes girls that doesn’t care for people’s opinions, and willing to be herself regardless of who is around

He wants a woman that can teach him new things. He’s easily impressed so if she is the smarter one in the relationship it helps a lot.

He wants a woman that isn’t sensitive. Nothing wrong with feelings and expressing them but if he cracks a joke and she gets pouty and upset with him over and over and over again it gets tired. Real fast.

He wants a woman taller than him. Height usually isn’t a PREFERENCE for him, he isn’t out looking for a tall woman but he gravitates to them more…..He likes climbing her back.🧍🏾‍♀️

He wants a woman that loves PDA. Luffy likes to touch, touch, touch, he has no shame. Kissing, hugging, hand holding, all of it.

He wants a woman that stands up for herself. He also finds it attractive when she defends hum as well.

He wants a clingy woman. One that is stuck at the hip with him. He doesn’t like to be alone anyways so having his favorite person always around him soothes him.

He wants a goofball of a girlfriend.

He wants a foodie girlfriend

He wants a playful girlfriend

He wants a girlfriend that can be by his side.

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adventuringblind · 9 months

Text

“My Favorite Sainz”

Carlos Sainz x sister!reader & Charles Leclerc x Sainz!Reader (can be read as platonic or romantic)

Genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

Request: yes! I hope this is what you were thinking! My requests are open so please send your ideas!

Summary: Carlos has a new girlfriend, one who obviously didn’t care much to get to know him. When his sister starts getting bullied by her, it’s time for someone to step in.

Warnings: toxic behavior, bullying, social media being poison

Notes: written in third person. Kinda short compared to my other fics.

Masterlist

She was definitely more private than her brother. All her socials set to private. She only used her last name if it was necessary. So it didn’t shock her that her brothers new girlfriend didn’t know they were related.

Most of the staff around the Ferrari garage knew. Simply because Carlos was so excited when she finally decided to come to the paddock that he introduced her to everyone as “my baby sister,” much to her dismay.

The Leclerc family was instantly warm towards her. She liked teasing both Carlos and Charles. If she wasn’t with Carlos, she was probably with Charles.

When Carlos mentioned he was going on a date with a model, her and Charles teased him. It went on for months until he finally let the two meet her at the paddock during a race weekend.

It was obvious that the woman didn't care much to get to know him. The younger Sainz picked up on the way she practically ignored him when he spoke.

She pointed it out to him a few times but was just dismissed. Thankfully, Charles also saw it and reassured his favorite Sainz that she wasn't crazy.

Carlos simply pointed out that she didn't know her and that since she's a model, she deals with media and interactions differently.

She felt hurt by his words. Why didn't he see what she did?

Then the jealousy started.

Being a sister obviously meant being there for Carlos when things came up. No matter the result, it became routine for her to find him after races and slather him in sibling affection.

Depending on his mood, he’d either bat her away playfully or let console him. It was one of these moments that someone took a picture of. The culprit was Carlos’ girlfriend. She knows because she watched her take a picture with the flash on.

She let it be though. Maybe she thought it was cute.

The reality of what was really going on set in when she woke up that morning to the image circling the internet. Gossip articles claiming Carlos to be a cheater and her to be a slut.

Was it that difficult to want privacy? She wanted to watch her brothers races in peace. Do her job without interference from fans. Now, her want to remain unnoticed was the cause of drama for Carlos.

She tried to keep it to herself. Tried to let it all go because she knew the truth. But the fans were getting out of hand. They’d dug up photos where she appears with other drivers. Charles in particular.

As the words they used got stronger, she found herself struggling with how to cope.

She tried to talk to her brother about, but he’d just said he hadn’t seen anything and not to pay any mind to the haters.

It didn’t surprise Charles to see her at his door the following afternoon. Carlos had called him saying he couldn’t understand what was going on. Charles didn’t really know either. But when he saw the tears in her eyes, he knew it wasn’t good.

“What can I do for my favorite Sainz?”

Charles made a mental note that day to talk to Carlos, but he could never find a good opportunity to do so. In the meantime, he tried to help get rid of any rumors sounding the two.

She had bigger things to deal with then fans. Mostly the now very aggressive comments that came from a certain model. She was constantly telling her to back off.

“Can’t you take a hint?”

“I’m his-“

“I don’t care what you are, leave us alone.” She sneered. Again not bothering to listen to what anyone had to say.

Carlos had started noticing that both his sister and friend had been pulling away from him. He wanted to get to the bottom of it. But his girlfriend always placed herself between him and any answers. It was starting to become frustrating for the Spaniard.

This weekend she was going to celebrate Carlos’ birthday. He’d planned a large party at his apartment. She knew who was going to be there and almost decided in feigning sickness. She couldn’t do that to her brother, though. She’d just do her best to avoid any sort of spectacle.

When she arrived, the anxiety had already set in. More pictures. More words. More confrontation. She hated what this had done to her.

She takes a deep breath, opens the door, and immediately looks for her brother. He was easy to spot in the sea of bodies. Thankfully he spotted a her as well and pushed past the group to get to her.

He embraced her and planted a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m so happy you’re here! I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever!”

She lets out an airy laugh. “We just saw each other last week and you said I was the worst sister of all time.”

“You ate my food.”

“You didn’t label it yours.”

The conversation was quick but she was relieved to be on her own again. No sight of anyone sneaking pictures of her or wanting to start anything. She made small talk with a few friends and family members. Then decided a drink was necessary if she was going to get through this party without passing out from the anxiety.

Before she made it to the bar, someone had snagged her wrist. Her body being dragged through people into the hallway. The two now secluded and away from earshot if any of her friends.

“How many times to I have to tell you? Stay away from him.” She could smell the alcohol on the woman’s breathe. She didn’t want there to be a scene. Not tonight.

She looked for a way to escape since words would do nothing. Being pinned to the wall by her shoulders was not helping her options.

Charles had arrived a few minutes ago. She had texted him before the party started admitting her nerves. He promised to find her as soon as he got there, but she was nowhere to be found.

Eventually he ran into Carlos. They greeted each other with a hug and a course of happy birthdays from the monegasque.

“Have you seen your sister anywhere?” He asked. His concern for the younger Sainz only growing as he’d yet to see her.

Carlos looked at him in confusion. “I was hoping you would know.”

The two split off to find her. Looking in places where you may have gone to get away.

Charles found himself down a hall that looked relatively quite. Until he heard the slurred words of a familiar female. He peeked around the corner and saw the girl he was looking for being held by the shoulders against the walls. Eyes glazed over like she wasn’t present.

Charles jumps out from around the corner and clears his throat. “There’s my favorite Sainz! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

The model and the monegasque stare at each other as one slowly releases her into the arms of the other. Carlos peaks around the corner in confusion. Not understanding why his sister was shaking, his girlfriend looked like she might punch Charles, and Charles looks like he’s going to run away with his sister.

“I’m so tired of this!” The mode, finally scream out. Loud enough for anyone nearby to stop what they’re doing. “Did you marry her or something now too?!”

Carlos deadpans and Charles starts laughing. The model only continues her monologue. “She’s a slut and want all your attention all the time, Carlos!”

Now they’ve switched. Carlos looks like he might punch the wall and Charles expression immediately deadpans.

“Get out.” Carlos spits. His voice firm and determined.

“What?-“

“I see what’s been going on now. Nobody gets to disrespect my family.”

“Your sister?”

The model begins fumbling around in confusion and embarrassment. Not knowing how not understanding what anyone was trying to tell her. Someone made sure she was escorted out.

Carlos thanked Charles for stepping in and helping his little sister. She smiled at her brother. “Never doubted you for a second.” She chuckles.

After she is in the safety of her own home, she sighs heavily. Charles had brought her up and walked her inside to make sure she was ok after everything that happened.

She almost tackled him with her surprise hug and muttered a ‘thank you’ into his chest.

He embraced her back. Whispering “of course, anything for my favorite Sainz.”

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raceweek · 5 months

Note

Drop the podcast bestie! (Please)

it’s the high performance podcast (you have to download their app to get it for free right now but it will be available for free soon on regular platforms) - in case anyone doesn’t want to download the app but wants to know some of the things alex talked about:

- for context he recorded the first part of the podcast initially and talked a lot about his struggles at red bull and what he went through as a teenager and then went back to the podcast hosts and said actually can we do a part two bc i want to talk about how im coping better now

- he says he isolated himself from all of his friends when everything was happening with his mum and he became an introverted person and still carries that introvertedness with him now from going through that time

- alex was told he was promoted to red bull when he went to see helmut in austria to talk about the practicalities of his move to monaco and just as the meeting ended helmut said oh by the way ur in the red bull seat, here’s the number for ur engineer maybe speak to him but also actually u can’t bc the factory is closed for summer but yeah ur going to be announced in about two hours. bye

- he says he didn’t enjoy being a driver in 2020 at all. literally said he was destroyed. he spoke about the pressure and how he deleted his social media due to the incessant mocking but he also felt like even though he had done that he couldn’t avoid it because although he didn’t see it directly he’d just be asked about it on media day every week anyway

- he was asked about what help was offered to him in 2020 when he was struggling and whilst he said the team cared there wasn’t really anything or anyone to help him. alex and his trainer patrick got their own psychologist towards the end of 2020 and then in 2021 when alex was out of the sport he assembled a team of his own who weren’t the most experienced but who he knew cared for him and would fight to the death for him (said he took jacques from red bull to be his manager because he always fought his corner no matter how tough the situation was)

- he was told about being dropped by horner in a meeting at the end of the season but he already knew because it had been posted in the media before they’d even met

- he described 2021 as a really weird time as he needed to boost his stock with red bull and all the other teams but to do that he needed to give as much as he possibly could to improve the car he had just been kicked out of, so when max said at pre season testing that the car was so much more stable it was a strange feeling knowing that that’s what he needed and he wasn’t able to do anything with it

- he compiled a sexy spreadsheet for team principals in the paddock showing that as much as he struggled in 2020 he was on reflection closer to max pace wise than maxs’ current teammate and maxs’ teammate before alex

- when asked to describe where he is now he said he’s happier than he’s ever been. he’s driving better than ever and is mentally in the best headspace he’s ever been in

- he says he comes up with scenarios in his head from the last 4/5 years and as soon as he has a sort of deja vu struggle moment he uses it to show himself he’s overcome that hurdle

- he said the older he gets the more he doesn’t feel the need to write things down the way he used to because he feels more confident in himself

- the best piece of advice he’s ever received is from franz tost who said “alex if there’s one thing you need to learn about formula one it’s don’t give a fuck” and he said he didn’t really understand it until he started struggling and then he realised that he cared too much

- when asked about what advice he would give to teenage alex now he said it’s hard because he isn’t the most confident now and he knows teenage alex wouldn’t listen bc his parents would always try and fill him with confidence so he said he’d try and shake younger him and tell him that it’s true what they’re telling you

#and there it is!!!!!#alex and his complex trust and mental health issues disguised as introvertedness. wbk!#asks #anon #alex albon

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spyder8itch · 3 months

Text

I’m making a post, tw: abuse, sa

Every single disingenuous “critique” of episode for that revolves around pretending that Angel was written “liking” his abuse is fucking disgusting. You are not making any commentary about the episode, you are showing how little you know about abuse victims. You also show your COMPLETE lack of media literacy around the subject

Poison is a song about needing your abuser. The way that they have you in their clutches. You know they are bad for you, you want to leave, but you feel like you can’t, you feel their poison taking hold of you.

Poison is about Angel’s struggle with his abuser and how he hurts no matter what he portrays. The reason it’s upbeat with the horrifically sad lyrics is because that’s the facade Angel Plays. He pretends to be the sexy, open, very down to clown porn star because that’s who he’s had to be to please his abuser. He can’t turn it off because if he does in front of Valentino, he’s horrifically hurt.

However, this is a double edged sword. It causes him to not only ruin his relationships with others by testing their boundaries and picking fights with them, but it leads him to self destruct. He can’t keep it up all the time. He openly admits to letting people drug him. He’s self destructing, trying his hardest to ruin himself because he thinks he deserves it and that maybe, just maybe it’ll keep him from being Valentino’s favorite toy.

This is WIDELY relatable to many abuse victims. We suffer socially from our abuse, not just mentally. We can become mean people. We lash out at others. And we can have codependent relationships with our abusers. We miss them. We want to be with them. Not because we LIKE BEING ABUSED BUT BECAUSE WE ARE CURRENTLY VICTIMS OF ABUSE. Abuse targets people who are vulnerable. People who don’t have a social circle, and creates one with their abuser in the middle. Abuse breeds codependency.

I am extremely critical of the Hellaverse. But callous commentary on the SURPRISINGLY NUANCED DEPICTION OF ANGEL’S ABUSE has truly soured me to Vivziepop critical spaces. You’re not “owning” Viv with that shit. Viv already got her season 2 and her paycheck. You’re hurting people who see their experiences with Angel Dust. You’re also telling on yourself that abuse victims can’t confide in you about their less than flashy and fun experiences/symptoms. Just so you know.

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valentine-writes · 6 months

Note

Can you do enemies to lovers with 1016 Miles?? :3

[ this will be my last req for this account, moving to my new blog officially once this one is up! catch me on @l0vem41l <3 reqs will be open there when i'm ready ＞︿＜ ]

overachiever

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, burnout, reader also attends visions academy, reader is trying so so hard to not be mean and fails (im so sorry), one-sided academic rivalry, author doesn't know how american schools work (i am so so sorry), comfort (?) 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3」

↳ ft. miles morales (1610)

author's note: YES I CAN!!! however,, i put a lil twist on the prompt given and made it academic rivalry (i genuinely cant find a viable reason to beef w/ miles i am so sorry (-﹏-；) !!) anyways! hope this works with you!!! soz itz so short!!! :[[

"wow," your friend's eyes light up, scanning over your test results, "...you've gotta be like, the smartest person i know."

you laugh politely, smiling at them as they hand your paper back. "no, it's really not that big of a deal–"

"what do you mean 'not that big of a deal?! dude, you got 100% on a test most people failed." your friend shoves their paper in your face as evidence– a 57% in red on theirs. "that's like... the highest grade achievable. probably the highest in cla–"

"THIS GUY GOT A 101%!"

everyone turns to the voice– the loud kid who sat behind miles eyeing his test.

you blinked in disbelief. you didn't even know getting extra credit was possible on this one.

miles looked up at the faces of his staring peers faces filled with disbelief and slight annoyance, and fumbled to set his test face down on his desk. he flashed an awkward grin "uh... yeah?"

▸ you liked miles. he was friendly. sweet. genuine. you couldn't hate him if you wanted to. no, you didn't feel hate towards him. it was just... jealousy. simple, petty, burning jealousy.

▸ visions academy was something you had to work your ass off for, constantly studying just to stay on the level of the students who attended. NERDS. all of them were nerds. but you were attending this school too sooo,,,

and then there was miles. someone who barely even had to try to get the highest grades. he had you seething.

▸ the most humiliating part was the fact that he had little to no interest in competing with you at all. the few times you had spoken were awkward and curt on your end, and yes– it felt awful being so mean for something as small as personal resentment.

▸ nothing justified your one word responses or the accidental snark that would slip into those few words. you mentally kicked yourself for the times you watched his grin falter because of something you said, miles awkwardly trying to laugh off whatever cold remark you just shot at him.

he'd walk away, dejected, and you'd stand there for a moment– frozen as you fought the urge to run up to him and try to explain yourself or beg for forgiveness. it didn't make sense to at this point. maybe he'd just accept this was the way you were– the way things would be between you two.

▸ so yes, perhaps in your pursuit of favouring school over every other aspect of your life, your social skills were left rotting and underdeveloped. but you knew, deep down, it wasn't just you being awkward.

being around him made you feel small. talking to someone, radiating the aura of someone with a promise-filled future made you look completely directionless and clueless in comparison. the effort you put into your academics was almost repulsive to think about when miles could take a test with a blindfold on and probably still score 90s.

maybe it was the deep set fear that you'd never amount to anything if you didn't burn yourself out trying. all of a sudden, the academic validation of being good wasn't enough. not when you were one of the best once.

▸ you spent an absurd amount of time trying to avoid him, deliberately moving to the furthest corners of the library so he wouldn't see you there struggling to wrap your head around whatever you were being taught in physics.

heavens above forbid that he walk up to you, greeting you with that sunny smile and cheerful voice that could make anyone falter. you may have been jealous of him– but oh, how you hated that feeling that way when he nothing but well-meaning.

the last sip of your coffee– long cooled by now thanks thermodynamics– did nothing to make you feel less dead. you had lost track of the time you had spent practically decomposing in this library, studying for an upcoming physics test that had you reeling just by the mere thought of it.

you sighed, staring at the papers strewn on the desk. your hands fidgeted with the pencil in your hand, it's eraser and tip rendered flat and useless by now, as you tried to muster the energy to gather your things to leave. it was much too late. the library would be closed soon and you'd be forced to go back home to study at your own desk in your bedroom.

this was routine. go to school, study in the library until it gets dark, and go home to study more– the next day, you'd find yourself still awake and studying or with a headache, your cheek pressed to the desk, and drool on your notebook. yeah. your bed hasn't been used in a solid while. and science homework isn't exactly the comfiest pillow. but this is what you were used to.

standing up, you stretched out a bit– and immediately froze as a familiar voice called your name. you paused, reluctantly turning to the source of the voice.

"...god, morales–" you huffed, "you nearly scared me half to death."

this is the friendliest you've been towards him in a while, he notices, as you flash him a tiny, crooked smile on your tired face. all potential malice you could have held had been beaten out by your absolute lack of energy.

he approaches you and looks at your desk, considering what to say to fill the silent air. he places a hand on your shoulder, you stiffen–

"hey." miles flashes a grin, not his signature smile but,, somewhat of a forced smolder.

you stare and resist the urge to cringe, wondering if you were sleep deprived to the point of hallucinations. you gently brush his hand off your shoulder.

"...hi?" you respond, unsure of what to do.

miles is snapped out of whatever stupid trance he was in by your voice.

"oh– uh– yeah, hey," he repeats your name again, trying to recover from whatever that was, "is– is everything okay?"

"i could ask you the same thing."

he lets out a little chuckle. "you know what i mean. all... this." miles' hand gestures vaguely to your desk and current state of complete entropy. "how long have you been here?"

you avert your gaze, shame burning in your face. "i... don't know?"

a pause.

miles places a hand on your back this time, in an attempt of friendly comfort. geez, are they keeping you locked in here?" he quips, earning half of a dry laugh from you. "c'mon. you should probably get home and rest by now."

"but–" your lips part in protest, looking back up at him to argue– but he just looks back, concern filled in his dark doe-like eyes. all possibilities of fighting him on this were out the window.

"you need it." he insists, a gentle smile forming on his face. much better than the weird smoulder from earlier, you think. "i'll even walk you there."

before you can speak up, he moves away from you, beginning to help you gather up your things to pack up. you mumble a silent thank you to him, which he accepts happily with a nod.

as he hands over the papers, his eyes scan them. "oh! physics? i love physics."

"no shit, morales." you scoff, snatching up the papers from him and stuffing them in your bag. "it sure seems to love you."

yet again, you've managed to mess things up. you bite the inside of your cheek before you can say anything worse. a sigh escapes your lips, as you decide to at least try and save the interaction.

"look... i'm really sorry. it's been a rough day, i've been struggling to get the concepts down, i'm falling behind and feeling stupid as hell right now, and– to make everything worse, the fucking test is just stressing me out and i just– i just..." you trail off from your ramblings, a sob getting caught in your throat as your shaky hands grip your backpack.

"woah, woah, hey– it's okay."

he slowly puts an arm around your shoulder, careful not to startle you or make you uncomfortable. you don't even realize how you lean into him. "let's just get you home. you've done your best, yeah?"

you nod. he offers you a little smile.

"exactly. and that's enough. okay? you're doing more than you can handle right now." there's a few more shared words as he reassures you.

part of him wonders how long this had been going on– how long you had been working yourself until you broke– mainly because that test that was stressing you out was more than a week away. yeah. he'd need to convince you to watch after yourself more often.

"and now a silly one!!!" (more lighthearted hcs below for the aftermath of this becuz goodness me.)

▸ things definitely ease up around miles. if he can't convince you to step away from your work, he's chosen to be able to regulate it.

studying with him in a local cafe is now a frequent thing you two do together. miles always gives you time to work, but will then ever so subtly lure you into moving on from your work to hang out with him normally. and it works. every single time. you might start in the library or cafe, but where you'll be later? always a mystery.

whether it's a walk in the park, going back to his place to chat, or finding some random activity to do, you find yourself bonding with him more and more. your jealousy begins to fade, finding a friend in him instead of someone you have to one up.

▸ you both spontaneously decided to see a new horror movie once and accidentally got miles in trouble with his parents for coming home after curfew. and he'd 100% do it again in a heartbeat if you asked.

▸ no matter what you get on that next test, miles is going to congratulate you like it's the best he's ever seen. he's overjoyed to share your achievements, to celebrate them like no one in your life ever has.

miles holds up his test as you tell him your grade. "you got a 92? hey look– me too!"

a snarky voice speaks up, "well, i got a 98% so–"

"no one was talking to you." miles retorts.

you press a hand to your mouth and look away, trying to stifle laughter. was he always this sassy or did you just end up rubbing off on him?

▸ you both end up being extra studious for the next test (breaks included this time) and he's sure to be extra loud about congratulating you for your perfect 100%

maybe the sass wasn't all you,,, but the minor pettiness definitely is your influence. it's actually not. miles is pretty easygoing,, but man did he not like when that random ass kid gave you attitude.

you smile at miles, ensuring to do the same for him if not, a little louder

"what? 'm complimenting you." you tilt your head at miles' stunned expression.

for a moment, he stumbles over his words. "i know– you just– i didn't expect that from you, so–"

you laugh. "what? you want me to go back to being mean or something?"

miles laughs too. it's hard not to stare at the way he lights up a room like this.

▸ things feel lighter now. you've made social progress with others, you have a life beyond just school– and you have miles. part of you wonders if you'll ever be able to tell him just how much he means to you and how you wish you could've just been his friend from the start.

sometimes, in the corner of his eye, he catches your wistful stare. and though he doesn't utter a single word, you start to feel that he cherishes you just as much.

#WOOOOOO #and we are MOVING!!#unedited as balls im so sorry #i like miles. i did have to rewatch clips cuz i STILL CANT GET SPEECH PATTERNS RIGHT.#i will one day. trust #atsv headcanons #atsv x reader #across the spider verse spoilers #spiderman: across the spiderverse #atsv #miles morales #miles morales x reader #miles morales headcanons #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x you #many tags #academic rivals but it's a conflict with no teeth

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gabessquishytum · 3 months

Note

cw: past self-harm, past suicide attempt Morpheus and Hob have already been dating for a few months, but they've always made love only with the lights off. Morpheus asked about it from the very start, just like he asked not to touch his arms and thighs, and Hob respected his boundaries. Morpheus hopes he gets a pass as the shy, socially awkward weirdo that he is, but the truth is, he's afraid to be deemed broken and not a bf/husband material. The thing is, Morpheus has scars. He had been self-harming for a while, and tried to take his life a few years ago. He IS doing better now: he's still on meds and in therapy, but he finally can control his self-destructive tendencies, and he's even doing much better in terms of his eating disorder. He works hard, and he's got a lot to be proud of. Still, he's certain his past would scare Hob off, so he's trying to figure out for how long he can keep Hob satisfied with sex in the dark and what to do if (when! he's sure that moment would come) Hob asks him to switch at least low light and touch more skin.

Oof, this one made me tear up a bit. To anyone out there at any step on the recovery journey, please know that I'm so proud of you. You are working hard, and I promise that its going to pay off.

I think Hob would obviously be sad to know that Dream has suffered so badly. But I also think that he would be utterly unbothered by the scars. Like, aesthetically? He doesn't mind at all - theyre as much a part of Dream as any other. He's not repulsed, not scared off. He's proud of Dream, and sorry if he's ever pushed at his boundaries too much.

Truthfully, Hob has scars too. All kinds - mostly injuries from doing sport or doing stupid stuff while drunk. There's the one where he got his appendix out. There's also the remnants of cigarette burns on his forearms, which Dream has seen many times but never heard Hob talk about. Hob shows them to Dream more closely and explains that many years ago his girlfriend died and in his grief, just to feel something - Hob used to hurt himself like that.

Dream is really surprised, because Hob seems so... functional and mentally stable. Knowing that Hob has struggled too gives Dream a lot to think about, in fact. Although he doesn't quite feel ready to be under the glare of a light, he decides to let Hob touch the places where his scars are bad. Just the two of them, in the dark together, Hob’s fingers gentle on his skin.

It's another step on the path that Dream has been walking alone, so far. But now Hob is with him. And suddenly a life of recovery doesn't seem quite so difficult or lonely. Hob loves him, scars and all, and that makes everything feel just a little bit easier.

#the sandman #dreamling #cw self harm #cw sui mention #cw scars #cw suicide

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hrts4hanniehae · 4 months

Text

clutch || seven

there are written parts :)

note that the timeline or educations may not add up but just ignore it because i don't have the brain power to sync up THIRTEEN + 1 's education schedules

sorry for the late chpt. I was really sick so i tried my best on this chpt.

warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating & sex & liquid products of sex, death, mental health, horrible sister, entitled sister

she was careless. 1 day of happiness was enough for her to forget the problem at hand. work had been enjoyable and there were discussions of displaying her art. she had time between her shifts to work on he last of her commissions. of course it would be ruined by her stalker.

the moment he had read her tweet, he was out the door and going to find her.

he saw e/n lurking around. bastard.

when he did, she was cowering in the dressing room. wordlessly, he wrapped his jacket around her before handing her his cap and a mask.

"wear this." - wonwoo

"thanks, wonwoo... i owe you one." - yn

they made it out with no issues. e/n was gone but who knew when he'd be back?

no matter how much she tried to enjoy her dinner with wonwoo, she couldn't help but feel eyes on her. but wherever she looked, there was no one.

wonwoo watched as yn's typing got even more agitated.

what the hell is going on... is she playing speed tetris or something...

when she finally slammed her phone face down onto the table, he finally asked her what happened.

"family argument. Now I have to bring a very attractive guy to my family reunion next sunday. and I also have to close my art deal by next wednesday and have an auction by thursday. great." - yn

"but why?" - wonwoo

"my parents found out about e/n and blamed me. my younger sister played a victim angel again so i snapped and called her out for being a brat. so now i have to one-up her in fame and a partner." - yn

"any ideas of who you're going to ask?" - wonwoo, crossing his fingers. wait why am i crossing his fingers?

"if any of your friends can help me, that would be great. i'll probably ask mingyu or dino since they're single and famous." - yn

"i'm single and famous" - wonwoo, whispers under his breath

"sorry what did you say?" - yn, leaning in to hear him from across the table

"i said, i'm single and famous. i'll go with you." - wonwoo

a pause. subtle panic. a smile.

"really? oh my days, wonwoo. you're my saviour. i LOVE you. you have the fame AND the face card. chaeyoung is going to quake and crumble!" - yn

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ💓ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ badum.

well. he doesn't know she's with me now. be it make-believe.

ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

synopsis: wonwoo is a popular streamer known for his incredible gaming skills and good looks. He turned heads. but he hates the attention. he just wants to play games and earn money. one day he receives a letter. his apartment’s rent has almost doubled. no warnings at all. his current paycheck from streaming can’t shoulder those bills. he has no choice but to rent out his spare room. to who? a fresh art university graduate who has… 1. a stable job ✅ 2. talent for art and sculpting ✅ 3. many friends ❌ 4. social anxiety ✅ 5. no filter ✅ when his iconic cat logo gets copystriked, she comes to the rescue with a new logo for him. when his apartment’s walls start peeling, she fixes it. whatever he used to struggle with… the empty space... was now filled by her. so what does he *last player standing* do when her ex *enemy spotted* tries to take her back? heh. *clutch* he clutches.

inspired by wonwoo's gam3bo1 streams, falling into your smile & gogo squid (has hints of valorant)

pairing: streamer!jeon wonwoo x fem!artist!reader (ft. jeongcheol, soonhoon, junhao, seoksoo, verkwan)

genre: fluff, comfort, slowburn, comfort, pining, bestfriend!minghao

warnings: stalker ex, toxic ex, mentions of abuse, guns (game), cursing, hate comments, panic attacks

started: 28.12.23

ended: ?

taglist: join from my masterlist

main masterlist

smau socials

previous I next

tags! @fairyofhour @megseungmin @sun-daddy-yoriichi @woozixo @euphoric-univers @christinewithluv @haowonbins @ocyeanicc @asyre @cynthiaaax13 @superhoshisvt @bangantokchy @chimmy-bts @angelarin @daisawa @writingbarnes @jeonghansshitester

@belladaises @wonwootakemyheart @wonwooz1 @luchiet @kookssecret @caratsland @peachescreamandcrumble @thepoopdokyeomtouched @isabellah29 @leah-rose03 @yandere-stories @coupshour @heesbees @hamji-hae @hyuckxtagram

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jmdbjk · 1 year

Text

Oh, Jimin...

These are my personal impressions, thoughts, interpretations and opinions on Jimin’s solo FACE album. Some of the things I say here are built on things I know from past original content, interviews and what Jimin has shared personally. Some of it is just me reveling in my first experience with Jimin’s long awaited album.

It is such a serious album. Jimin said this is the story of what he was feeling, chronologically, 2020-2022, during the pandemic era. At the beginning of 2020, BTS was rising higher than any Korean artist ever had before and then all of a sudden the momentum came to a halt, and there was nothing. Having the life you’ve known suddenly jerked away from you is traumatizing.

Once the king of social media, Jimin almost ceased by the end of 2020 and never went back. “Oh, he just outgrew it.” No, the man was struggling with his issues and not only did he not need to see the extra crap spewed all over social media but he had nothing left to give, nothing left inside.

I noticed how Jimin looked physically back in 2020. He was downright frail y’all. The man was trying to give us what we wanted at the expense of his mental and physical health. That breakdown he had during the ending ments in Memories 2020 was too much. They were all stressed out, but Jimin... those that said he was being over dramatic... the man was struggling with his mental health.

I wrote this last June, 2022 but never posted it:

After Memories 2020 dropped, we’ve heard Jimin say he struggled after everything got canceled. Days upon days that turned into months upon months and more than two years passed before they finally returned to in-person performances. He stated that during isolation and lockdowns he wondered what was the purpose of his life, or that he had lost his purpose.

Jimin’s struggles were most likely much more severe than he let on and he 100% kept it to himself because he didn’t want us to worry about him. That sounded like solo delusional projection but think about Jimin and how he’s behaved in the past...always telling us not to worry. Always saying things to reassure us that he’s happy, he eats well, don’t worry.

There was no working, no performing, their lives and his life changed drastically overnight just like all of ours did. Would we ever get back to normal? What will happen in the future? When will all of this end?

Face-Off

The album opens with a carnival calliope, it was a little jarring and unexpected. The images it conjured in my brain as the notes played were of a worn out circus winding down. It made me think of the big wild circus that WAS his life, and it just wound down and keeled over.

Knowing the premise of the album, I think the title, Face-Off, implies Jimin is looking at himself. Speaking to himself. The lyrics could also imply he is speaking to someone else, like people he once trusted. But I don’t think so.

He was having a confrontation with himself. Reasoning and bargaining with himself.

Maybe he once trusted himself but in this time and place in which he finds himself, he questions what is he doing? and second guessing himself. Day in and day out, the days are all the same nothingness. Hiding his feelings, faking it, pretending it was all ok. It’s all cool. It’ll be all right. He has said many times he looks back at that time and thinks he could have done more for the fans. Being hard on himself. His own worst critic.

And then this enters the picture: using alcohol to self-medicate. Getting drunk. Numbing the pain. Forgetting. Drink all night. Oh, Jimin...

We know he has a very high alcohol tolerance. He once mentioned that he used to drink a lot. When he declined the champagne during the live after the Busan concert, we all made jokes about it and moved on. Oh, Jimin.

Face-Off feels like it could have been a purging song when he wrote it. A little primal, you know... just scream, get it out. Painful but cathartic.

This is the lyric that was scary: “tonight is a beautiful night, I think I’m close (or I think I have it all/I think I’ve found myself)” were chilling to me because they did not come across as optimistic, they came across as being at the end of one’s rope after becoming a shell of a person. He follows that line with “tonight I don’t want to be sober.” Oh, Jimin.

His vocals open very low and moody then transition to a plaintive cry, punctuated with anger.

Pour it down, pour it out... the anger, the emotions, the words, just pour it out.

Interlude: Dive

Like the calliope that sadly wound down, Dive opens with the melody slowly winding back up to speed. Another day starting. Someone knocks, voices, the ambience of a normal day, breathing, running footsteps. The crowd cheering and Jimin’s voice during his ending ments at the Busan concert, more sounds of people in his life. We hear Jimin’s footsteps trudging, it sounds like we hear him climbing steps, entering his house, closing the door, and first thing he does when he is alone in the quiet is pour a drink and drinking deeply. I am concerned.

Maybe it is supposed to represent the closing of Chapter 1, about a day in the past that was once a “normal” day, since it included the last things he said during that concert.

The music track is dreamlike, repetitive. Living in a dream. Every day. Same thing. Go home. Drink. Do it again. Dive means go deep. In deep. He’s in deep.

There is a very subtle line between drinking in order to make it through another day/night versus drinking to relax and wind down. A slippery slope to walk on every single day.

We’ve transitioned from the world changing overnight to living in a daze trying to pretend everything is ok. Coping.

Like Crazy

(I am going to express my thoughts using the English version of the song.)

Jimin has explained the song is influenced by the movie of the same name.

I have learned that the dialogue from the movie was NOT original to the movie but hired voice actors specifically for the song: “I think we can last forever.” “I’m afraid that everything will disappear.” “Just trust me.” And at the end: “How long again?” “What’s the point?”

He has said the dialogue that was used fit the message of the song. I have not seen the movie. I don’t think the song is a literal interpretation of the movie. I think the song’s basic concept is the emotional struggle trying to maintain a dream. But maintaining a dream is unrealistic no matter what you do to try to make it last. Jimin had to come to terms with that.

Jimin’s vocals begin very light and airy, very dreamy.

[God, he’s fine.]

The vibe of the song is sort of retro, very much evokes the artist, The Weeknd. It has a very 80′s synth beat. It is a very danceable song. Like I said, on the surface.... very dreamy.

Vocals transition and it still seems like he’s having a conversation with himself, or with a voice within himself. A voice telling him to “trust me, follow me... I will make it good for you.” Me: gives a side eye to that voice in Jimin’s head because now I know it’s not trustworthy. “I’ll take the pressure off, been reaching for the stars.” Chasing that high. Go easy, Jimin. Please be careful.

Yes, the lyrics are also very sexy... “give me a good ride,” and “Let me have a taste.” Yep, I’m with ya on all that... ahem...

[Wow]

[side note: I love the make up in the bathroom scene with that stroke of silver under his eye.]

“All my reflections, I can’t even recognize.” ...what he sees of himself is not reality. He doesn’t recognize himself. Don’t try to save me. I want to stay like this.

To me, the mud on the floor, the mud flowing down the walls, the mud on the hand that grabs his wrist at the beginning of the song, the mud on his hand at the end... could represent his perceived imperfections, flawed, therefore dirty: his struggle to cope, his less than perfect thoughts... substance abuse... the struggle that he needs to be perfect on the outside or the attempt to appear perfect on the outside but there’s all this dirt on the inside that he can’t hide any longer.....the huge pile of mud at his feet is out of place in the otherwise normal room of his life. Becoming overwhelming for him.

Some of the visuals of this song are, to put it bluntly, very, not heterosexual. Again, these are just my impressions and opinions. But a friend pointed out the photo on the front of his pants and I went looking for information about the art photographer, Robert Mapplethorpe. He was heavily involved in New York’s gay BDSM scene. Some of the things written about him:

“In a rapidly changing society, he fearlessly confronted taboos surrounding gender, sexuality and mortality, seeking to instill beauty and dignity into subjects that lay outside accepted social norms.”

“... a man who consistently brought his audience face to face with the unknown and the unseen.”

The song ends with him reaching toward the camera to smear it with the mud to hide his imperfect self. When Jimin puts his face in front of the camera, he doesn’t want us to see his imperfections. He wants to be as perfect as he can, he says it all the time, he wants to look pretty for us, but I hope he has realized we accept him as a real human being even with his very human imperfections.

Alone

The alarm clock goes off...yet another day...doesn’t trust the people even if they are nice to him...he’s lost...day in day out... passing out drunk and not remembering...what am I doing? am I the only one feeling like this? Alone, pretending to be ok...every day the same...how much more until I can go back to before? Feeling more and more isolated within his own mind, pretending to be ok but losing himself every day. Mayday. The cry for help. Telling himself it will be all right (we all told ourselves this back then). The small nagging voice that doesn’t believe it.

Realizing you’ve changed and you are never going back to the way you were before.

Not gonna lie, that line right there broke my heart. Gives new meaning to Set Me Free Pt. 2′s line: "raise your hands for the past me.”

He was in so much trouble and no one knew. He reassured us over and over that he was fine. Not to be over-dramatic but I don’t want to think about how close he was... I have seen a few people say this song really resonated with them. It is a very powerful cry for help.

Jimin’s vocals blew me away. The vocals start out very subdued, almost beaten down. His vocal fry squeezes my heart. He ends crying out “what do I have to do to end this darkness?” Bad twilight. Night’s can be hard.

Set Me Free Pt. 2

From my post on March 17, 2023:

Going insane to stay sane. Raise your hands for the past me. Now set me free. This is where I literally cried. Oh, Jimin.

Going crazy trying to fake being ok.

Now I know this song is about him saving himself, setting himself free from this prison he was in, the depression, breaking the chains of alcohol dependency, of telling the naysayers out there and his own internal naysayer to go fuck themselves, Park Jimin is back. Strong and beautiful and fierce. The light of the moon shining on us.

We know he still considers soju his joy. He sounds like he’s taken control, not totally abstaining, but in control. I only wish the rest of his days are happiness and stable mental health well-being.

Letter

So unexpected. I was in shock. My heart floated away.

People talk about how Jimin’s album has no collabs on it, unlike the previous member’s solo work. My opinion is, when you are sharing deeply intimate feelings and emotions and struggles about yourself you don’t want or need other people/voices on your song. It’s not appropriate.

The only exception to this was… Jungkook…not exactly a collab, but he’s there. The other songs used background vocalists who are not members of BTS.

This song was hidden. Yes, there have been other hidden songs. But come on...

Letter has a strong stroke of Promise in the “oh, oh.” And when Jungkook starts singing it is like the world is set right because those two voices blend like nothing else I’ve ever heard. And he comes in in the middle of the song gently supporting Jimin’s vocals. But unmistakably Jungkook. I know it’s up to interpretation, but for me, the lyrics from then on take on something a little extra in meaning with Jungkook there singing with Jimin.

You held your hand out to me and now I will hold on to you. So simple and beautiful. The sounds of the surf remind me of the song “Okinawa” that Jimin posted once. Which also reminds me of their pics at Santa Monica beach...

Letter seems to be an actual letter. When the members told him to write it down, put it in a song, maybe Jimin’s first impulse was to write it as if it was a letter. The lyrics are simple and very to the point and convey:

“...though I’m not good with words, I want to sincerely say let’s make each other happier. You who showed me I am bigger than my small self. You've been by my side and I will be by yours. I hope we stay together until the cold winter. Though the future is unknown and scary, let’s stay together. Never forget we’re together.”

There are references to past songs: Sea, Spring Day. Both of those songs were from 2017.

But Jungkook. On a Jimin song. That was hidden. Clever. That we had no idea about...even though Kookie knocked us over the head with it when he played the guitar for us, making sure we knew he’d only had one lesson. Who do you think gave him that first guitar lesson? Jimin... and Kookie blurting out some English in his last live... who do you think he’s been practicing English with? Duh, Jimin.

It was a hidden song AND the credits were hidden on the page in the book. They were printed in varnish only, which is basically shiny, clear ink.

You know what I think? Jungkook knew about this song since Festa dinner. The teasing about not being offered the chance to listen to the song. That little shit. I KNOW IT WAS THIS SONG!! I JUST KNOW IT!! This was the rumored subunit. Or at least one of them. I guess we’ll eventually see if there are any more between the others.

They sound so beautiful together. I love them. And as I keep saying, they are fine… they’ve been fine.

Last words...

Anyway, that was a lot of words. Maybe I got too deep. Jimin explained himself about how the album originated.

As I was telling my friend earlier...everything in this album has peeled a layer, or several layers, away from EVERYTHING I've seen and heard from Jimin and the group since 2020. I had written some things in the past, like last June and even before that, about how Jimin seemed not well mentally. Things that I had no business saying in public because who the hell am I to think I can say something like that about someone I have never met? So I never posted those words. I never thought I would be so close to the mark in thinking those things. He’s been through it, wrote songs about it, and moved on. And I am so proud of him and this album.

#jimin face #face-off #like crazy #i'm so proud of jimin #if they were trying to quash any ships this was not the way to go about it #i said that after hickey-gate too #also jikook #did i mention i am so proud of jimin?#and kookie is so funny

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gingerylangylang1979 · 10 months

Text

Male identity: Carmy and Richie

I’m finding that a certain demographic of fans have a much harder time relating to Carmy but very much relate to Richie. Granted, a lot of this has to do with what fandom platform you observe. I actually kind of hate The Bear subreddit but continue to browse it periodically because it’s super interesting to hear what “the others” are talking about. I rarely engage anymore because it’s mostly nonsense and a totally different vibe than Tumblr. The contingent is definitely very anti-Carmy x Sydney and seems to hate Sydney. I’ve also noticed that while there is a lot of love for Carmy there is even more love for Richie. I’m very intrigued by this perspective.

This season Richie was definitely a standout. I think Ebon is an amazing actor and am glad he is finally getting nominated for his role. I thought he got robbed with the non-Emmy nominations. But even before S2 I noticed that Richie was the most favored character among the Reddit demo and perhaps a big part of the general audience. That’s fine, people can favor who they like. I know that doesn’t represent everyone but I do think that speaks for what I consider general audience and makes sense considering how society still views manhood despite social progress. This season even a lot of the reviews were kind of meh about Carmy. I get it, I initially was writing him off too, was pissed, and thought he had the worst arc. Then once thoughts settled he went back to being my hero. Deeply flawed, but I just relate to him so much and he’s fascinating to watch. I’m a woman, so maybe that helps my empathy. I also don’t think The Bear would work with Richie as the lead as some have suggested.

The thing is Carmy is a more difficult character because he has multiple layers of trauma, his work is so specialized and niche, he is a sensitive soul, he’s artistic, and he doesn’t fit the mold of the working class male models he was surrounded by. Your typical man can’t relate to him. And most likely your typical conservative leaning woman can’t either. At the Christmas party he was appalled at how the other guys were talking about Claire. And this is a woman he had a crush on and is present day attracted to. He could have easily been superficial and macho and laughed at the jokes as expected. He didn’t let Richie get away with calling Syd sweetheart. Richie says he’s “woke”. He employs a woman in a leadership role. He’s built different.

He is struggling in many ways that are hidden and he also lashes out. The hidden ways and the lashing out are interpreted as whiny and annoying by people that can’t relate. He’s been cited as not growing but people can’t acknowledge that his healing won’t be linear. But how can it be when his trauma was collected in overlapping seasons for most of his life? The pain didn’t develop in a linear path. He had a stutter when he was young. There are hints that there is a learning issue of some sort (I’m not going to try and diagnose). He was always the “different” one in the family. The other guys call him “weird”. His father was absent. His mom has mental health issues and is an alcoholic. He witnessed the traumatic incident at Christmas and I’m sure it wasn’t the only such incident. His brother was an addict that pushed him away, then killed himself. He went into a chaotic, highly demanding field that required him to isolate to excel. He is shy and has trouble forming close bonds. He had a mentally abusive boss. He was always super competitive. He comes back to own The Beef and it’s problem after problem. How are people expecting him to be “fun” and have an easy comeback like Richie?

Richie has issues, too. Stagnant in mid-life, spent years devoted to an addict, failed marriage, feeling disillusioned and displaced, also an absent father. But when we meet Richie he’s not as wounded as Carmy. Carmy is literally sleep cooking, almost starting fires, dissociating, having panic attacks. Richie is sad but it mostly manifests as him being kind of nasty and grumpy. He’s like a sour old man with dated and offensive jokes. His behavior is dismissed because he’s grieving. Which yes, he deserves a pass. But why does he deserve a bigger pass than Carmy who is dealing with so much more or Sydney who seemed to bear the biggest brunt of his outrage and was also struggling? Carmy is literally on the verge of a breakdown and has the weight of trying to keep the staff, the business, and himself afloat. Despite all this Richie gets a lot of indulgences for his bad behavior that Carmy isn’t.

Richie is easier for a lot of people to digest because he’s funny, he’s the working class representative, he’s tall (yes people have height bias, especially with men). Carmy is viewed as the pompous prodigal son that’s trying to ruin Richie’s delicate ecosystem by gentrifying and kicking out “the working man”. There are people posting in disgust that he dare change The Beef despite it being a hell hole money pit.

It’s just so interesting that in reality we are dealing with an unprecedented numbers of men who report extreme loneliness, depression, hopelessness. Richie and Carmy both fit that profile. Yet, a man like Richie is broadly understood and accepted and a man like Carmy isn’t. It goes back IMO to the continual coding of masculine/good vs feminine/bad. Richie is the stereotypical red blooded American male. He wants the stripper’s panties. He has a gun. He needs to be alpha. He views anything outside the norm as a threat. He wants to preserve tradition at all costs. Carmy is his foil. Carmy is viewed as feminine.

I see it even on Tumblr with the persistent identification of Carmy as somehow feminine. Like he can’t be soft and traumatized and just be a man. So what does that say when even people who would probably consider themselves progressive still classify a man in feminine terms if he isn’t a MAN? We accept all types of gender identities but still struggle with a man not fitting the correct paradigm. Society still has issues accepting that men can be vulnerable and struggling without being feminized. People also make assumptions about Carmy’s gender identity and sexuality based on his trauma. Like, of course he has to be XYZ because well, look at him, he’s sad an pathetic. What does that say about men’s sexuality and identity? Are only queer men accepted as sad? Carmy could be a queer character, cool, representation matters. But I just find the semi-automatic equation of queerness with an atypical male to be odd and a bit regressive.

Edited to add on above: I hope what I’m saying doesn’t get interpreted as dismissing queer people who identify with Carmy. I get it, I support it. What I’m speaking to is the insistence that canon Carmy is queer because of his interests, aesthetic, and mental health as if that is the only identity option. Granted, he could be bi. I also think some people are insistent on this, just as they are on Syd not being into men, as a way to negate the possibility of them being romantic. Again, I’m saying some people. Also, proximity and shared struggle doesn’t equal identity. This makes me think of once when a white gay male bestie claimed we are the same because I’m a black women. I had to kindly correct. We share the same haters, we are both marginalized, but he will never know my experience just like I will never know his. We can bond on the commonalities but we aren’t exactly the same. IMO, it would be a disservice to both of us to claim different.

I’m really rambling, but just thought I would share my thoughts and open a conversation about this.

#the bear fx #carmy berzatto #richie jerimovich #men in cinema #men in tv #masculinity #male identity

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turbulentscrawl · 6 months

Note

Any headcanons for Embalmer and Andrew? 🥸

Oh yes! I am systematically working my way through most of the characters ehehe. I actually think I need to do some situational writing for Aesop as practice, he was a little harder for me to pin down than the other characters I've done so far.

As always, feel free to send me requests if you like my stuff <3 these are fun to do before work ;;

Identity(V) Headcanons: Aesop Carl

-With my current knowledge of the characters, I think Aesop is one of the more dangerous people in the actual horror-story telling behind IDV…. But I’ve been filling these under the game/stageplay setup where the manor is an unescapable, endless game and no one actually dies for realsies…so we’ll ignore his murderous training and tendencies for now.

-That said, he’s still going to be a very difficult guy to get along with. Aesop is confirmed as autistic, and most of his related struggles fall into social categories. He does not typically enjoy casual touch or conversations about anything other than his work. In fact, the longer the conversation is, the worse time he’s having. If there’s a lot of people around too?? He’s McStruggling.

-It takes him a very long time to become genuinely comfortable and friendly with someone, and only then does he start to explore them beyond his comfort zone. Luckily, since everyone is stuck in this would-be purgatory, you’ve got nothing but time!

-One-on-one time is best for Aesop, and while you’re first getting to know him it’s recommended you do not initiate this unless he’s in a public space. He’s mentally prepared to be approached at those times. If you try to barge in on his quiet time or safe spaces before he clears you to do so, it’s only going to hurt his opinion of you.

-He most definitely has long-stints of going nonverbal. At times, the amount of conversation expected of him is too much and he just shuts down completely. If he’s pressed too much during these times he may fall to tears or lashing out. He may, however, be willing to write out any answers that are very important or time-sensitive.

-The trustworthiness of the living and the dead are flip-flopped in Aesop’s mind. When someone is dead, they are a resting summation of all their deeds in life. He learns about who people were through the clues they leave behind: their health, their scars, their effects, the company they receive at their funerals. He considers these things to be more truthful than whatever the deceased would tell or show him about themselves. The living, meanwhile, are all actors, just proxies for what they want to be rather than what they actually are. This is a large reason why he feels closer to the dead than the living.

-Aesop’s favorite love languages are a little difficult to pin down, but I’m going to say Quality Time is his number one—especially when you’re good with parallel play and keep things quiet. This will foster feelings of safety and comfort in relation to your presence! He also likes Words of Affirmation, but mostly in the form of letters, as he’s a little biased for them from all the times he’s nosed through a patient’s effects. Even when he’s head-over-heels (or as close as he can be, since I honestly get AceAro vibes from him) he leans towards written communication but could learn to trust verbal praise in smaller doses.

-When he’s very close with someone, he can learn to enjoy a good hug now and then, or lend them his shoulder to lean on, but he always prefers to keep his arms uncaged so it’s easier to pull away. Unwelcome physical contact feels like bugs crawling under his skin. It’s obvious when he’s had far too much of it because that sensation leads to twitching and spasming, like he’s trying to shake it out.

-He likes to read! His favorites are mostly nonfiction. Biographies (not autobiographies) and other works of an educational nature are preferred, but he has been known to pick up some poetry every now and again. This is due in part to not having finished school and thirsting for all the knowledge he wasn’t allowed.

-He treats learning about his loved ones like reading these books; they are a list of facts and stories to be memorized. Small exceptions to any major preferences can be confusing for Aesop to keep track of, but in general he is very good at committing people’s likes, dislikes, and histories to memory.

-He doesn’t really care to celebrate his own birthday, but likes to help others celebrate theirs. The kitchen is far from his preferred workspace, but he’s actually a decent baker when the situation calls for it. The cake decoration….well, he’ll leave that to someone else. But the cake itself will taste good!

#idv x reader #identity v x reader #idv embalmer #aesop carl x reader #turbulentscrawl #identity v

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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AITA for not wanting to move back in with my family?

The lead up to this is a bit long, but I feel like the context is necessary. After my first year of college, my (then20, FTM) father (40s, M) was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and could not work anymore. He also could not be left to his own devices, so I had to take time off school and come home to watch him and my younger sibling (then 11NB) while my mother (40s F) would work. That sucked for multiple reasons, including being responsible for all the asshole bullshit he’s pulled (when I say asshole, I mean it. He used to fake - by his own admission - epileptic seizures to get out of doing the most minor chores or exercises recommended by his doctors), my mothers violent transphobia (to the point of driving me to a mental breakdown when I asked about starting HRT) and emotional abuse towards myself and my sib. She never believed my complaints about my father and was convinced I was being lazy and irresponsible with his care. In addition to that, they moved to this area after I started college, so I was in a completely unfamiliar (and not particularly queer friendly) place, socially isolated, and so on and so forth. This shit sucked. I was promised I’d be able to go back after one semester, but after a few months it has been made painfully clear to me that this is not an option. Then COVID happened, and next year my college was fully remote. This way I was able to complete my sophomore year online. I was finally released for junior year and have not come back home since with the exception of one short-term visit, when my mother went abroad to visit our extended family. (We’re immigrants.)

I graduated this year. When I started my job search, I was planning to stay in the area and applied to jobs accordingly, with the exception of one position advertised by my college. This one would be in a major city very close to my family, so I’d be able to live with them. I was idiot enough to mention that to my mother. The gig didn’t pan out, so I settled on staying where I am and continued to search for a job, a place to live, and so on. I secured a place to live recently and was again dumb enough to share that with my mother. (Yes, I have a pattern. I’m working on it. ) The next day, my sib contacts me and asks if I could come live with them. Sib got into a really good high school with a focus on a field of study they want to go into for a career and have a real knack for. It’s kinda far from where they live right now, but they found an apartment much closer to it. Rent is a lot higher than they can afford, though. My mother lost her job when she refused to get vaccinated nearly a year ago (she used to work in healthcare), and since then she hasn’t been officially employed. She’s been getting by with instacart and my father’s disability payments.

If I lived with them and found a job there, they’d definitely be able to afford rent. Moving there, while undesirable, is not out of the realm of possibility, and my mother has been a lot better about treating me like a person and not being transphobic. Not perfect, but better. They also would not be living with dad because mom is at the end of her rope with him and is looking into a nursing home his insurance would cover. I would also be saving up money by living with them, I’d definitely have reliable health insurance, a roof over my head and so on and so forth. My personal autonomy, personal space, and most likely mental health would be absolutely out the window. I’m still traumatized by these 2 years I spent with them. Not to mention nearly complete social isolation. I wouldn’t even be able to see my boyfriend properly, there would be about 8 hrs’ worth of a drive between us.

So. Will I be the asshole if I leave my family to struggle on their own? I already sacrificed a lot for their sake. I don’t know that I can keep doing that to myself.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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meraki-yao · 2 months

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WIP Ask Game

Tagged by @nocoastposts!!! Thank you dear <3

Haven't gotten around to actually writing that much these two weeks because of school and also me working on my little rwrb animatic project instead, but here's some of what I have at the moment!

Ask me anything about my WIPs!

Works Started:

The Word of Your Body (RWRB):

Song fic of the movie Paris scene using "The Word of Your Body" from Spring Awakening, Chapter 1 in Alex's pov completed and uploaded, Chapter 2 in Henry's pov with the Reprise of the song (that supposedly Nick sang when he was in the production at 19) currently planning

Enchanted to Meet You (RWRB):

Reverse Cinderella AU: Alex is the son of the town Mayor and is holding the town's harvest festival, Henry is the repressed prince of the kingdom who snuck away for a break, but then stumbles across Alex. Loosely based on 2015 Cinderella. Chapter 1 uploaded, currently planning (*cough struggling *cough) with Chapter 2

I know better (but you're still around) (RWRB):

One-shot song fic based on Taylor Swift's "Marjorie", exploration of the Hanover-Stuart Foxs (Movie verse) finally learns to deal with their grief and reconcile. Just started writing

Take Me Out and Take Me Home (Malec)

5+1 Fic: 5 times Alec called Magnus his boyfriend and the 1 time Alec called him something more. 4 chapters done, 2 left, and currently sort of in writer's block for this fic

Ideas:

I'll See You In My Dreams (RWRB)

Where the only way the insomniac Prince Henry can fall asleep is to the ASMR videos of a certain ACD, who's later invited to a discussion/panel for one of Henry's mental health-related programmes (or some other social issue? I'll have to think about it)

Book Tok Fic (haven't thought of a name yet) (RWRB)

Inspired by some tik tok reuploaded to Instagram reel I saw ages ago: Henry is an author who's struggling to write the physical part of romantic scenes in his novel and Alex, his roommate who he has a massive crush on offers to help by demonstrating it with him. Kiss kiss fall in love :)

The Little Prince (RWRB)

Movie Verse Expanded: Taking the campfire scene monologue and telling the story each part shows, ex: "His grandfather, the King, sent the prince a suit of armor and told him that if he always wore it, nothing would ever happen to him." = the King's talk with Henry on his 18th birthday

I know you (I walked with you once upon a dream) (RWRB)

Sleeping Beauty + Soulmates AU with Henry as Aurora and Alex as Prince Philip, the dreams actually being a soulmate connection (the mechanics of the soulmate aspect inspired by one of my favourite Malec fics)

The Dreams That You Dream (RWRB)

Henry's POV of the Buckingham protest, one on book and one on movie

Song Fics/ Character Studies (RWRB)

At All Cost from Wish and You Matter to Me from Waitress

Identical (Qi Ye/ Tian Ya Ke)

I don't think any one of my tumblr followers would know this one but Qi Ye and Tian Ya Ke is a duology of Chinese BL ancient drama novels, with the latter adapted into the TV Show Word of Honor. There are two characters in the book that although only met once, have a very similar trajectory when it comes to their relationships and unrequited love, only one already moved on and found someone better while the other hasn't. Had this idea to expand upon their connection because in the novel, the one it's implied that the one that moved on immediately recognized their shared experience. But I never got around to writing it, it has been lying in my drafts for a year now 😭

Tagging @typicalopposite @luainthewild @england-would-fall @pippin-katz and anyone who wants to join in!

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songmingisthighs · 9 months

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Genesis

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

<< previous | m.list | next >>

ch. xiii - lamazda

fashion mogul!mingi × reader

buy me coffee ?

things aren't always what it seems but when even the truth is left unheard, what can people do? one musn't lie but what if the lie is more accepted than the truth? the scariest thing in this world isn't monsters or demons. it's people with no agenda and time to waste.

It was truly a great day for Mingi.

The weather was perfect, he got enough rest, and best of all, he was cleared to return to work.

Mingi was giddy to be back in the office, it was obvious from the spring in his steps and the happy expression on his face. He didn't even care that people were watching him, he was just glad to be welcomed by the familiar smell of the lobby and the hustle and bustle of people all around. But even then, he was so wrapped up in his own personal feelings that he didn't pay much attention to his surroundings.

As per usual, he would tap his employee lanyard onto the automatic gate and waited for the monitor to tell him which elevator to get on. He looked down at his hands to look at the champagne bottle he brought. He was feeling so good that he couldn't stop smiling and patting himself on the back mentally about the good decision he made.

Unlike a lot of people he knows, Mingi absolutely loves his job because he's passionate about it and he's so good at it. Since he was a child, he knew that he wanted to do something whimsical as a career and despite the bullying and teasing he got when he told people what he wanted to be, he went for it and actually made a name for himself. So it was actually very understandable why Mingi got so upset when he was told that he shouldn't come to work for his own safety. It was pure torture for him to be in such a position. No matter how much he was assured that he was going to be kept in the loop by his superior, Mingi would still rather do things on his own, be hands-on if you will.

With each step Mingi took, closer and closer to his office (well, technically the elevator that will take him to his office floor), he felt his excitement grow so big that it was as if his heart was going to explode out of his chest. It was as if the struggles of coming to the office were forgotten, he suddenly had no problem having to wear a disguise to just simply go from one place to the other. And sure, he had to submit some return forms to HR first before he could even go back to REALLY working, but it was no problem for him, it wouldn't even take long. The thought made him cringe because he realized he sounded like a massive dweebus. "God, do I need to get a life?" he asked himself.

"Excuse me?"

Mingi jumped at the sound from his side, not realizing that there was a person also waiting for the elevator. The woman looked up at him with curiosity, "I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" She asked. Mingi immediately palmed his face and shook his head in embarrassment because he so totally did not mean to engage with anyone. "S-sorry, I talk to myself sometimes and I did not realize that you were next to me, I am so sorry for that," he rambled. The woman could only blink in confusion and turned to look forward, waiting for the elevator whilst muttering "Okay then" to no one.

Focus, life, and social awareness. Those were the things Mingi needed to get. Top of his damn list.

When the elevator arrived, Mingi hesitated to get in for a moment, but really what was the point of avoiding the possibility of having more embarrassing situations to the woman he's probably never gonna meet again? So he simply took a deep breath and walked in, catching a glimpse of the woman's face more clearly as his head was not clouded by shame.

Once the doors closed, Mingi's eyebrows furrowed and his head tilted slightly, sensing familiarity in the woman sharing the same space. As he was standing with his back against the elevator wall, he couldn't help but let his eyes linger on the woman. There was something about her that he couldn't put his finger on. Had you two met before? Mingi tried racking his brain, free-associating with names of people he knew or popular names and hoping that one would stick. He was damn sure that he had seen her before and maybe had even talked to her before. Mingi was the type to never forget a face but ALWAYS forget the name and the place they met. His thoughts ran 200 miles an hour, trying to crack who the woman is because there is no way they met at a fashion event because the magazine is the only fashion-related company in the building so they couldn't be co-workers. He didn't frequent the cafe in the lobby so there is no way they talked there. For some reason, the word 'bunny' kept ringing in his head but he had never been to any place that has bunnies in it. Except for the bunny cafe San dragged him to but that was in high school and Mingi's recognition isn't that great. His eyes kept searching for more clues before it dropped to her bag.

"Oh my God," he choked out, catching the attention of the woman who instinctively turned to look at Mingi. "Excuse me?" she couldn't believe that she fell for him talking to himself twice which she was wrong about because Mingi really was talking to her. "I know you," Mingi said, pushing himself off the elevator wall to take a step closer, making the woman lean backwards slightly. "I... Don't think we have, stranger, I don't know who you are," she chuckled awkwardly. But Mingi was persistent. He shook his head adamantly and grinned widely, "No, we totally know each other. We met at the bar a month ago."

Immediately, at the mention of the bar, your eyes widened and the grip you had on your bag tightened. Just your luck, meeting your baby's dad in the one place you didn't expect to meet him. "I-I don't know what you're talking about," you tried to turn your face around but Mingi took a step away but slightly in front of you, "You do know me, you remembered that we-"

Before Mingi could continue his words, the elevator let out a 'ding' which indicated that they have arrived on a floor. The sound caused Mingi to look up to check whether they were on their floor only to find out that it was not, it was floor 17. You took his being distracted as an opportunity to push him back into the elevator and ran out, causing Mingi to slightly stumble and let out an 'oof'. "Hey, wait!" Mingi called out, mindlessly trying to follow after your figure that had already run down the hall before taking a left at the end of the hallway. But the elevator door had begun to close and he was not about to be injured on his first day back. So he groaned in disappointment and leaned his head on the closed door with closed eyes, not believing that he lost the person whom he had been looking for. And frankly not believing that he found her when he was not even trying, maybe he could brag about that to his friends who had been trying to search for her this whole time. At least now Mingi knows that they work in the same building, he might be able to find out who she is and which office she worked at.

When Mingi opened his eyes, he saw something on the floor that he had not realized before. He reached down and took the item, examining its seemingly blank appearance before turning it around and seeing something written on it. His initial disappointment immediately dissolved as he realized that he was now in possession of a clue that could help him find that woman again.

Truly, it was a great day for Mingi.

network :

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet

taglist :

@ateezourstars @phenomenalgirl9 @90s-belladonna @yunhorights @cqndiedcherries @stopeatread @aestheticsluut @spooo00oky @kodzukein @galaxypox @mayonnaisehoeshit @maddiebabyxoxo @dreamlesswonder86 @charreddonuts @jwnghyuns @angelicyeo @axo-l0tl @gxlden-bxbyy @bbymatz @blaaiissee @kyume02 @aurora-tiny @senpai-of-doom @meowmeowminnie @thesolarplanetarysystem @seonghwaddict @miaatiny @camillelafaye

@randomness7198

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