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the-returnofartemis · 5 months

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/ASTRO OBSERVATION 1/

i'm excited to share my first astro observation! i'm still new to all of this but i’ve picked up on some things that i feel compelled to share. however, i do want to emphasize that my thoughts may not apply to everyone.

okay, so i recently remembered that as an INFJ, we are considered to be the rarest personality type. this got me thinking and i realized that most INFJ’s are either water dominant (cancer/scorpio/pisces), possess fixed sign placements (leo/scorpio/aquarius/taurus) in prominent planets or have prominent water houses (4H,8H,12H) in their big six. coincidentally, i happen to know to other people who are also INFJ’s, and we all have prominent cancer, scorpio and aquarius placements.

✧ j-hope from bts is a well-known INFJ. although the accuracy of his birth chart is uncertain because there is no actual birth time, it revealed intriguing aspects. i mean, hobi’s chart indicates prominent water placements (scorpio and pisces stellium), alongside his aquarius sun!

yes, it is interesting to observe how neptune in the first house has a unique ability to draw in copycats but those with this placement were once copycats as well lmao.

‘the copycat becoming the one being copied’ trope is quite funny to witness actually

this behavior may stem from their struggle with their personal identity and appearance, leading them to shape-shift into the aesthetic or persona of someone they admire in that moment (this tendency is very short-lived by the way lmao). rather than taking the time to define their authenticity and discover their true selves, they find it easier to adopt the persona of another individual. sometimes, they rely so heavy and get caught up on external influences, that they lose the plot SO fast. but as individuals with this placement mature and come into their own, they come to understand that it’s fine to draw inspiration from others but recognize the importance of embracing their unique qualities and traits. it is this self-acceptance that allows them to become pioneers and set remarkable trends.

✧ ariana grande: y’all can never make me hate her, i am so sorry lmao but of course, there is no denying that she has faced many accusations of being a ‘mariah carey copycat’ but it is important to acknowledge that she has now cultivated her own distinct singing style that has garnered widespread acclaim and popularity. in all honesty, she has become the epitome of having copycats, even to this day lmao. the sheer number of women/fans/people in general imitating her, from her hair to her fashion sense to her mannerisms, is just WOW. like, the way how she has garnered immense adoration needs to be studied (i mean not really because her scoprio midheaven + neptune 1H undoubtedly contribute to her appeal but still!)

✧ kim kardashian + kylie jenner: when it comes to these two, there's not much that needs to be said lmao like their influence and presence in media speak for themselves. they have managed to create a significant impact, and it’s hard to ignore but let’s remember their roots and who they took their influence from.

✧ megan fox: she’s taken on MGK’s entire aesthetic. she has embraced his style and persona, and it’s interesting to see how it has influenced her own image, considering the fact that she is THE megan fox. even now, the timeless looks that she gave us in the late 00's are still being imitated!

in reference to my previous point, on astrology twitter, jade mentioned an interesting perspective that i completely agree with and feel compelled to share with all of you: having 12H placements can lead to losing the plot SO fast, so it’s crucial to be mindful. although the 12H is widely regarded as the most intuitive, spiritual, and governing the subconscious, it also represents the potential for self-sabotage and lose one’s sense of self. the influence of neptune, the ruler of the 12H, can create a distorted illusion and a tendency to view circumstances through rose-colored glasses. so, 12H placements, it’s essential to always stay grounded, and more importantly, maintain a strong sense of self to avoid losing sight of the goals and aspirations!

✧ an example of this is a 12H sun becoming egotistical and subsequently losing sight of their goals and aspirations, ultimately hindering their progress in life.

(get well soon by ariana grande just came on and i dedicate this beautiful song to all, but more importantly to those with 12H placements. remember that you are strong and capable of overcoming any challenges that comes your way – you can conquer anything. stay positive and always take care of yourself. you got this! — sincerely, a fellow 12H 🫂)

scorpio/8H moons are often labeled as “mysterious” due to their tendency to keep their emotions hidden from others on a daily basis. in truth, they rarely feel comfortable expressing their feelings, even to those they trust, as they fear burdening others. this tendency may have developed during their childhood, where they may have not felt safe or at ease in sharing their emotions, leading them to learn how to control and suppress them. however, if you manage to break through the walls of a scorpio/8H moon and they confide in you, it is significant sign that they felt truly seen and understood by you. this can lead to a strong desire to be in company of that person, as their energy provides a sense of comfort and less isolated. so, if you have a scorpio/8H moon in your life, they value you and treasure the connection you share.

the infamous 22nd degree, commonly referred to as the “to kill or be killed” degree, is often associated with rare and extreme circumstances. being a capricorn degree, it genuinely has a favorable influence, especially in terms of one’s professional life. but, individuals with this degree in their chart may encounter ongoing challenges and be vulnerable to gaslighting. overcoming these challenges serves as a constant reminder to nurture their self-awareness and resilience.

✧ example a: according to her birth chart, beyonce is believed to have three planets (neptune, pluto and chiron) positioned in this degree. in her latest film, “renaissance: a film by beyonce,” she courageously shares all the moments that highlight the constant challenges from those around, particularly her production team, who questioned her credibility and knowledge – she expressed that she always had to prove herself and felt undervalued in terms of her opinions.

i also just want to say that bey became artist that she is today by perfecting and learning every aspect of her craft throughout her extensive career. she has taught herself everything there is to know about showmanship, and to discredit her knowledge, especially to her face, is just crazy to me. her success is a testament to her hard work, dedication, and talent and she deserves all the recognition she has received.

✧ example b: chlöe (chloexhalle) has the degree on her lilith. unfortunately, chloe has faced relentless scrutiny and gaslighting since she entered the public eye. the placement of the degree on her lillth has made her a target for heavy negative judgement and projection, particularly in regard to her expression of her sexuality and individuality.

i mean it when i say that it is truly remarkable to witness her immense talent and undeniable beauty, along with her incredible kindness. i honestly feel like the public wants to keep her in a box, hindering her from fully blossoming into the person she aspires to be. she needs that space and freedom to embrace her own journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

✧ example c: jungkook from bts has the degree on his sidereal venus – the degree on his venus suggests he might face challenges related to low self-esteem and lack of confidence in his own attractiveness. also, this placement can also indicate that he may experience situations were power dynamics within his relationships come into play. while details about his personal relationships are scarce, as they rightfully should be, it is evident that he faces an alarming level of compromise to his safety due to the actions of obsessive fans and stalkers. the behavior exhibited towards him, like, being mobbed at airports or these fans intruding his personal space by sending food to his house and even going as far as issuing death threats. as a relatively new fan, i can sense that this issue is more serious for him compared to other members. these fans seem to lack an understanding of personal boundaries and persistently push the limits, even after he has politely requested their respect, which is truly disheartening.

it's quite likely that jimin and namjoon (other members of bts), also have this degree, given the challenging circumstances they have encountered and continue to face.

i also learned that this degree can also symbolize power and the ability to have immense influence over others. those who possess this degree in their natal chart often hold positions of power and occupy the highest echelons of the social structure (hence the name, ‘to kill or be killed’). this degree is found in numerous royals, politicians, and highly influential celebrities natal charts: justin bieber, donald trump, kendall + kylie jenner, kim kardashian, barack obama, the british royals and more. here is a post that delves deeper into the theory behind the placement!

gemini placements 🤝 wearing different hats (exploring various interests). they cannot for the life of them confine themselves to a single pursuit, as it tends to become monotonous for them. this may seem unpredictable to others, but, for gemini's, it is a way of truly embracing life and ensuring that they savor every aspect of it, just as they should! 🤭

also, the gemini venus slander in the astro community is so ????? like, yes, an undeveloped gemini venus may struggle with indecisiveness and inconsistency, but it is important to know that a well-developed one can be an incredible partner and asset in a relationship. developed gemini venus partners are known for their unwavering commitment to nurturing a strong bond in their relationships. they will consistently strive to contribute in every way possible to ensure a lasting connection, thanks to the influence of their sidereal taurus venus (may not always be the case though). they value stability and security, and above all, understand the importance of forming meaningful relationships, especially when they feel like they share a profound intellectual bond with their partner – like, they would not take it for granted because they know that not everyone has the capacity or desire to engage with them in that way lmao. they will be there for you until they are convinced, based on their rational thinking (which also depends on the influence of other placements), that they have thoroughly explored every option and exhausted all potential outcomes. even then, it may take them some time to reach that conclusion because they will need to make sense of it all, so, they will make a point to have conversations with their partner to ensure mutual understanding before moving forward. building a strong and fulfilling relationship requires dedication, and a devoted gemini venus will their offer support in all aspects – whether it be physically, emotionally, or notably, mentally. honestly, they will go the extra mile to ensure that they’ll do right by their partner! so, i beg, please, love us! 😪 lmao – sincerely, a gemini venus

also, a gemini venus + strong water placements (house/sign, especially in cancer/scorpio) … oh baby, just sit down and make yourself comfortable because you not leaving until there is a deep understanding of both the emotional and intellectual aspects 😭

the 3H, 6H, 10H and 11H are known as the GROWTH houses, where continuous effort is required to achieve meaningful outcomes.

3H → one must acquire skills, engage in learning and exploration, and find avenues to express the knowledge gained

6H → the importance of daily practice and consistent work on said acquired skills

when these houses are in alignment, they pave the way for recognition in 10H and 11H.

10H → gaining recognition

11H → benefits and influence that comes from being recognized

by pouring constant dedication into these houses, one can expect significant growth and positive outcomes!

jupiter aspecting ascendant/sagittarius rising/jupiter in 1H 🤝 bootylicious + hourglass curves! this can also manifest in having bigger than “average” features (example: big eyes, big smile, prominent thighs).

the “BODY SO TEA” phrase was literally made them lmao

capricorn moons often tend to be the ones who frequently disappear without a trace. they carry a heavy burden of responsibility for all aspects of their life, and often possess a strong desire for control. when faced with a situation beyond their control, they can become overwhelmed with anxiety and allow their fears to take over, resulting in the ghosting. also, i noticed that they find it challenging to find any glimmer of hope in any given circumstance. even though it is widely believed that having the moon in scorpio is the most difficult, capricorn moons may have them beat.

moon in 8H synastry is not for the weak—it is truly life changing. for this overlay to work, both individuals must have developed the ability to harness and channel powerful energy. without this, the relationship can feel unstable and unpredictable, with both individuals feeling like they're being pulled in different directions but haunted in love, in the best and worst way possible. it is worth noting that this overlay tends to have a strong impact on both individuals involved but it primarily affects the moon person.

✧ positive aspects: creates a deep emotional and psychological connection that allows both partners to truly understand connect with each on a profound level. this bond is so intense that it defies words and creates the desire to explore and uncover the depths of each other’s being. for instance, the 8H individual may possess an innate inclination to understand the moon and their innermost self, initially overwhelming the moon but ultimately embracing because of the sense of comfort provided by the 8H energy. this mutual willingness to explore and understand each other nurtures trust, openness and above all, an indescribable love within the relationship.

✧ negative aspects: gaslighting and power imbalance. the desire for control can create an unhealthy dynamic where both are constantly vying for power, leading to a breakdown of trust and emotional well-being. can also lead to being possessive toward one another that will result in the individuals feeling trapped. the possessiveness can stem from a deep sense of longing for each other, which will only further perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy dynamic (lovers to enemies trope + make up/break up).

one comparison that comes to mind is the tumultuous relationship between olivia pope and fitz in scandal. if you’re unfamiliar with these two, i recommend checking them out on tiktok (despite their toxic tendencies, their relationship was a guilty pleasure for the viewers because of the intensity and undying love they had for one another. like, i don’t know anyone who watched the show that wasn’t a fan of olitz lmao)

i also had this overlay with a former partner, and my goodness, was it something. he was the only partner i’ve had who could evoke such intense emotions in me and i found myself completely vulnerable to his touch (in a good way). the chemistry was so powerful, i really believed he was the one for me. but like i mentioned, as with any intense relationship, there were both positive and negative aspects to the connection. while the positive side was truly otherworldly, the negative ultimately won out and caused the relationship to come crashing down. i plan to delve deeper into this experience and share the do’s and dont’s of this synastry in a future post.

understanding astrology can be a valuable tool in gaining insight into your true self. to get a sense of the practice, i feel like it is essential or to at least explore “traditional” western (tropical + sidereal) and vedic astrology. each chart offers a unique perspective on your personality and life path, and by studying them, you can gain a more comprehensive understanding of your place in the world!

i have so much more to share but i’ll save that for another post. please remember that this only for entertainment purposes only and based on my observations! i’ve also linked the findings in case you want to read for yourselves. thank you so much for reading!

sending all my love,

artemis x

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theminecraftbee · 5 months

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actually while i’m on an analysis and also bigb train i want to talk a little about the bigb/cleo relationship because. it’s VERY EASY to just read it as “bigb betrayed cleo that one time three seasons ago and cleo has never forgiven him for this” but there’s way more to it than that and it’s so fascinating i want to shake them around like maracas.

like, okay, the initial betrayal is as much a failure to communicate as it is an actual betrayal. cleo says that if bigb had just TOLD HER she would have let him, and I believe this (loyalty is an extremely consistent cleo trait). however JUST EARLIER THAT SESSION she’d also been talking about how she wouldn’t trust someone with the boogeyman curse and can’t believe someone would betray their allies. bigb heard that, decided he couldn’t tell cleo (because she’d hate him for it), and panicked himself right into a corner where he ended up doing the thing that was WAY WORSE for that relationship. also left out is that part of why cleo got that mad wasn’t even bigb’s fault; she was ALSO mad because lizzie and ren sided with him over her, and she felt betrayed by everyone at once. which she then pinned on bigb. meanwhile, while bigb apologized, he never let go of the idea that he'd had no other choice, and never really addressed the unstated hurt of 'cleo also felt like her friends had been turned against her', so it never rang as sincere to cleo. so like, more going on there than just a betrayal!

but like, let’s talk about their relationship after that, shall we?

on cleo’s end, she’s a character who tends to hold on to relationships across seasons, for better and for worse. the widow’s alliance basically never ending; martyn and cleo and their inability to be normal about each other; cleo and etho’s quiet understanding; and, as one of these important tentpoles, bigb and cleo being unable to trust each other. she carried that hurt with her into the few interactions they had in double life, and that in turn helped to color everything else. see, cleo doesn't just hold on to relationships; she holds grudges, and bigb is the ultimate target of that. unlike some of her potential grudges, she's never had a scenario where she and bigb were on the same side in order to temper the grudge. she's also never gotten the boogey curse herself, making it even harder for her to temper it and understand.

so, even after things like limited life where she's started to be less Immediately Angry the moment she feels betrayed (thank you scar for being kind of a moron and getting cleo that lesson), she still holds on to the last life version of bigb in her head. also, because of that, it makes it easy for her to just... continue perpetuating that. she shuns bigb and assumes he has some reason she needs revenge again. that, in turn, pushes bigb to doing another thing she needs revenge for, so she tries to get it, so they keep spiraling downwards in a cycle of mistrust, because cleo has also made herself untrustworthy to bigb.

meanwhile, on bigb's end... he tried to apologize and she wouldn't take it! she sees all of this as an irrational grudge on cleo's part, and there's been very little to discount that. but also because bigb has a tendency to go off and do his own thing and hold himself apart from people, he has made very little effort to meaningfully fix this. in fact, because he assumes cleo will continue to hold a grudge, he continues to treat her a bit like an enemy, continuing to provoke her at multiple opportunities.

he can't make that relationship WORSE, after all, so there's no reason NOT TO continue to mess with her. she'll never trust him, so there aren't real consequences if he keeps burning her, because the only consequence is that she'll just continue to never trust him, right? it's a simple relationship! and in some ways it's comforting, even; cleo is someone he can never mess up with, because that bridge is already burnt.

and ironically? this makes their relationship surprisingly stable. they will KEEP ON sticking knives in each other, of course. even when they don't have a good reason for it, cleo will assume bigb must have done something and bigb will assume cleo will hate him anyway. but in turn, i think they VERY MUCH know where they stand with each other. and tragically, that means neither of them have an incentive to try to fix this. they're both very, very entrenched in how they see each other now, and either of them will see any attempted olive branches as another place for everything to go wrong. they're cleo and bigb, who don't trust each other because bigb killed her one time, forever. that's who they are. that's how they see each other. and it's not just because that happened; it's because they keep reinforcing it, over and over and over again, in a way that makes communicating that they could stop nearly impossible.

that and i think cc!bigb and cc!cleo out of character really enjoy continuing to have their cubitos have a stupid irrational grudge on each other because they think it's funny but that's unrelated to the character analysis,

#secret life smp #(not really any spoilers here actually so not tagging that)#zombiecleo #bigbst4tz2 #trafficblr #this got. VERY LONG. sorry about that #i'm just a cleo main so when i started thinking about bigb i also started thinking about cleo #and started thinking about. at the begining of this episode here they were in this place again.#enemies by continuously reinforcing that they're enemies.

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sirfrogsworth · 3 months

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Photo Restoration Project - Part 1

A long time ago, Katrina sent me some old photos of her family I could restore. Her parents have been helping me from afar for years and I really wanted to do something nice for them. Unfortunately my dad got much worse and I pretty much forgot about this project for quite some time.

But then I decided to visit Katrina in Orlando and we discussed having dinner with her parents and I remembered these photos. So I thought I would fix them up so I could present them as a gift in person.

The first and most important photo was from her parents wedding.

Old photo prints can fade over time due to UV light exposure. From what I understand, different colors fade at different rates and red/orange tones tend to be the least susceptible to this fading. Thankfully all of the color information is still there, it's just that the darks are not as dark and the lights are not as light. The dynamic range got squeezed like an accordion. However, if you do a levels adjustment on the red, blue, and green channels individually, you can unsqueeze the accordion and balance everything back to the way it was.

But you can't always save everything and there may be other damage that needs fixing. If something becomes pure white, there is no way to restore that detail. Thankfully I was able to use the new generative fill feature to bring back detail in the dress, the flowers, and the tuxedo shirt.

And because I hate front facing flash and how it makes colors look ugly and sterile, I may have also added a marble floor and pillars.

Next up was a photo of Anastasia, Katrina's mom, protesting Henry Kissinger on behalf of her home country of Greece. This suffered from the same color fading issues.

What made this one a little more tricky was an uneven fading. The left side had to be adjusted independently and the top was even more faded. I had to isolate the trees to bring back their color. And the protest signs were difficult to read, so I enhanced those as well.

Next we have this lovely photo of Anastasia tending to some house plants.

This photo was actually in decent shape. It lost a little contrast, had a little bit of fading, and her top retained almost no detail I could recover. Recovering accurate skin tones is probably one of the most important skills I learned when restoring these photos. I wanted to keep that filmic look of the era while avoiding making people look jaundiced or pale. Lightroom's new masking feature that let's you isolate every aspect of the people it detects in a photo. This made fixing skin tones much easier. I could isolate just her face or her lips or her hair or her eyes and make precise individual adjustments. This process could have taken a great deal longer without this feature. But, I brought back proper contrast and color, added a little bit of detail to her top with gen fill, and hopefully got fairly accurate skin tones as well.

Next up, forward facing flash strikes again in a photo of Mike and Anastasia during Christmas.

Film did not do well in low light. If it was indoors and nighttime, you pretty much had no choice but to use flash. But a flash is a very small, bright light source and this causes a very unflattering result on humans. Today we have much more powerful flashes with rotating heads. We can bounce the light into the ceiling or off a wall and increase the size of the light source to get a more flattering result.

In this photo I wasn't able to do much, so I just balanced the skin tones and brought out some hidden detail and called it a day. It's still a lovely memory and thankfully film has such character that it negates a lot of the unflattering aspects of direct flash.

Next up is some cuteness...

A big priority when editing photos is to make sure the subjects are the star of the photo. And in this one their faces were a bit obscured in shadow. There was also a lot of haze in the background hiding the beautiful vista. Not to mention when I cleared that haze, there was this super faint hint of something in the sky. I can't tell if it was a rainbow, but I decided to believe it was a rainbow. The only thing that I am still struggling with, and this seems to be common with a lot of old photos, is green. Getting a good, saturated, natural green to look right has been very difficult. Everything I try ends up looking toxic or fake. The only thing that ends up looking right with the rest of the photo is more of a yellow-y brown. It's something I'll have to work on as I learn, but as long as the overall photo looks balanced and natural, I'm okay with not perfectly nailing the greens.

Up next we have a lovely scene on a Greek dock...

As far as editing goes, this was pretty basic. I just undid the fading, adjusted the skin tones, replaced the blown-out sky, and made the colors pop. But I think this is actually one of my favorite before and after shots. I just love how such a simple fix brought this scene to life.

A new car is a big deal and Anastasia looks so proud here...

This image has another common issue in addition to the typical fading of colors. It has a yellowish orange color cast. This could have been an issue with the film used or the development process or a chemical reaction on the print. A color cast is a lot like looking through colored glasses. It's like a translucent color material was put on top of the image. This can be a little trickier to deal with, but if you know your color theory, you might already know the solution. Blue is the opposite of yellow/orange on the color wheel, so if you introduce blue to the image it should balance out. Also, add a sky if it was missing.

Next up we have a landscaping project...

This one wasn't too tricky, but there was one interesting issue I had to address. All light has a color temperature. Daylight has a temperature of around 5500K. But the inside of the garage was being lit by reflected light and so that light took on the color temperature of the things it was bouncing off of. So I had to mask out the people and the car and address the color temperature inside the garage to make everything look balanced. Also, the green fought me hard on this one. And with the theme of this picture being plants, I felt I really needed to find a tone that worked. I think I finally got there, but I spent way too much time in the color picker doing trial and error of green tones. Also, new sky.

With this next one I actually did a pretty thorough explanation of how I edited it. But this was probably my favorite puzzle to solve from this collection of photos.

I'll do the abridged explanation...

The physical photograph was printed on a paper with a very heavy texture. And when it was scanned, the light from the scanner bounced off that texture and created a pattern of unwanted highlights.

I was worried this was impossible to fix and I almost gave up on this photo. But after one final Google search I discovered something called "Fast Fourier Transform." It's a mathematical formula that can be used to detect patterns. And the image editing software Affinity Photo, just so happens to have a filter called FFT denoise that helps you remove unwanted patterns from scanned photos.

And thanks to that filter, I was able to remove a substantial amount of that pattern...

Then I did my standard clean up techniques...

Oh, and I decided to try learning how to colorize.

Photoshop has a new set of experimental filters and a colorization tool is one of them. It is not great yet, but it is a great starting place. Instead of having to hand paint every single thing in the photo, Photoshop gave me a base to work with and I could take it from there with traditional techniques.

That's all I have the energy for today, but there are a bunch of cool restorations to talk about. Hopefully you all find this interesting. It was such a great gift to give to Katrina's parents. And spending that time with them and making them happy felt like I was with my own parents again. So we all got a gift in that wonderful evening.

Part 2 coming as soon as I have the energy!

#photography #photo restoration

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letters-to-lgbt-kids · 5 months

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My dear lgbt+ kids,

An underrated health and wellbeing tool is play.

When you think about playing, you may immediately picture little children - but by definition, play describes “any activity engaged in purely for enjoyment and recreation with no definite practical purpose” and those activities stay important throughout your whole life.

Why are those activities important?

Play is good for your body. Intentionally doing something just for fun helps to activate the “rest and digest” mode that is necessary to recover and heal from stress. It signals that you’re safe and helps your body relieve tension.

It’s also good for your brain. It can stimulate your imagination, visualization and critical thinking skills, which can help you build skills like resilience and adaptability.

Play can also foster empathy and understanding of others as it can help you see things from another’s perspective.

Playing can make you laugh, and laughter comes with a whole sleeve of health benefits, such as decreasing blood pressure and even improving your immune system!

Playing together can strengthen relationships. Positive, fun social interactions are important for your emotional wellbeing.

Now some of you may think “that’s all nice, but how do I even play as an adult?”. While play is a natural behavior of human beings, many adults need to re-learn how to play - it depends on your specific environment and social circles but you may feel a lot of pressure to be productive all the time and play is by its very nature not productive. So, the first step in re-learning play is to give yourself permission to just *be* instead of *do* (and that can be a huge step!).

Some ideas on how to ease back into play:

Think about your childhood. (Or if you can, ask a parent, sibling or childhood friend, that can be a great way to bring back memories!) What were your favorite ways to play back then? What did you love about your favorite game? Does any particular memory immediately give you that “I wish I could do that again” feeling? (You may not necessarily find anything that you want to just replicate as an adult as-is, this is just meant to kick-start your imagination!)

Gameify everyday tasks. Try to spot as many yellow items as possible on your commute to work. Make up a silly song about laundry while putting away the laundry. Pretend to be on a cooking show while making dinner. Do what you always do, just allow yourself to be silly about it!

Do something creative, even (and especially) if you’re not good at it. You may not think of drawing, writing etc. as playing but those are activities you can do for pure entertainment!

Moving your body doesn’t need to be purposeful exercise (and certainly not hating yourself in the gym), it can also be playtime: Do a silly little dance to your favorite song! Tippytoe, crawl, jump, walk backward.. from your bedroom to the kitchen, just for the fun of it!

Rethink toys. While it is fully okay for a grownup to buy, own and play with toys, and we should abolish the negative stereotypes about it (it’s creepy, it’s inherently a sign of poor mental health etc.) these stereotypes do exist and you may simply not feel comfortable. Luckily, there are a few toys that are generally considered socially acceptable for adults or are even marketed towards adults, such as board games, stress balls, adult coloring books, certain Lego sets or fan/collectors toys (like action figures). And when there are no judgy eyes watching, you may also have fun just playing with household items such as cardboard rolls! No need to go out and buy something!

Keep in mind that play isn’t a competition to win. You can’t play wrong - that’s the beauty of it! Just let your curiosity and enthusiasm guide you.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

#lgbt #lgbt+

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lecsainz · 11 months

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Hey sweetie! Can I request something about prom proposal with Ollie Bearman?

I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you

pairings: ollie bearman x fem!gf!reader

summary: ollie does everything to invite you to prom in person and be able to go to prom with you.

authors note: I don't know if this is how you wanted it, but I thought and thought about how to make a prom proposal and nothing came to mind. I hope you like it 🙃

word count: 2.2K

Late one evening, as Ollie sat in his hotel room, his phone buzzed with an incoming call. He picked it up to see Y/N's name flashing on the screen. With a smile, he answered the call, knowing that their conversations were always filled with excitement and joy.

"Hey, babe!" Y/N's voice bubbled with enthusiasm. "Guess what? I just bought the most amazing prom dress! It's this stunning gown that I know you'll love."

Ollie chuckled, grateful for the distraction from his racing worries. "That's fantastic, Y/N! I'm sure you'll look absolutely beautiful in it."

Y/N's excitement didn't wane. "And you know what else? I helped your mom pick out a matching tie for you! It perfectly complements the color of my dress. We'll be the most stylish couple at prom!"

Ollie's heart sank a little at her words. He knew he had to be honest with her. "Y/N, there's something I need to tell you," he began, his voice tinged with regret. "I have a testing session with the Prema team on the same day as the prom," he confessed, his voice tinged with disappointment. "I won't be able to make it."

Y/N's voice held a mix of sadness and understanding. "Ollie, I know how important racing is to you. It's your dream. I don't want you to give up on that just for me. If you have to go for the testing session, then go. I'll be okay."

Touched by her words, Ollie felt a pang of guilt. He wished he could be in two places at once, but his dedication to his racing career left him with a difficult choice.

"Y/N, I want you to enjoy your prom. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and you deserve to have an amazing time," Ollie said, his voice filled with sincerity. "Maybe you could go with someone else, a close friend, so you won't have to miss out on the fun."

There was a long pause before Y/N replied, her voice soft but resolute. "Ollie, prom is not about just going with anyone. It's about creating memories with the person you love. And that person, for me, is you." Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes, but she shook her head defiantly. "Ollie, I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you. It just wouldn't be the same."

Ollie felt a pang of guilt wash over him. He hated seeing Y/N upset, especially when it was because of his racing commitments. He knew he had to find a way to make it right, to be there for her on their special night.

With determination in his eyes, Ollie made a silent promise to himself. He would find a way to attend the prom and surprise Y/N, no matter the obstacles that stood in his path.

Over the next few days, Ollie worked tirelessly, speaking with his team and exploring every possible option. And finally, a glimmer of hope appeared. A solution presented itself, and Ollie seized the opportunity.

Ollie felt a mixture of nervousness and excitement as he stepped off the plane and into the airport terminal. His parents had been instrumental in helping him make this surprise visit to Y/N, despite the late hour. They had understood the depth of his love for her and the significance of being there for the prom.

As he made his way through customs, Ollie's parents greeted him with warm smiles and open arms. They had always been supportive of his racing career and understood the importance of love and relationships in his life.

"Son, we're so proud of you," his father said, placing a hand on Ollie's shoulder. "We know how much Y/N means to you, and we wanted to help make this surprise happen."

Ollie's mother added with a twinkle in her eye, "Oliver, you're lucky to have found someone who brings out the best in you."

As they drove through the quiet streets in the early hours of the morning, Ollie's anticipation grew. The love and support of his parents warmed his heart, and he couldn't wait to see the look of surprise and joy on Y/N's face.

He quietly entered the house, tiptoeing up the stairs to his bedroom. With a mix of excitement and relief, he reached for his phone and dialed Y/N's number. The phone rang, and he held his breath, hoping she would pick up.

"Hello?" she mumbled, her voice laced with sleep.

"Hey love," Ollie said, his voice filled with anticipation. "Could you do me a favor? Can you open your bedroom window?"

Confusion tinged Y/N's voice as she responded, "It's the middle of the night, Ollie. What's going on?"

"Just trust me, Y/N," Ollie said, his voice filled with anticipation. "Just look, please."

Curiosity piqued, Y/N dragged herself out of bed and walked to her bedroom window. She slowly pulled back the curtains, her eyes widening in disbelief as she saw Ollie standing in his own bedroom, gazing back at her.

A gasp escaped Y/N's lips, and she clutched her chest, unable to believe her eyes. "Ollie? Is that really you?"

Ollie smiled and nodded, his heart pounding with excitement. "Yes, it's me."

With a deep breath, Ollie mustered all his courage and poured his heart out. "Y/N, you mean everything to me. I can't imagine going to the prom with anyone else. Will you do me the honor of being my date? Will you go to the prom with me?" he asked, holding up a series of handwritten paper, with the word "PROM?" in a style reminiscent of the You Belong with Me music video.

Y/N's eyes filled with tears of joy as she read the message. Her heart swelled with love, and a radiant smile spread across her face. She nodded vigorously, unable to find her voice.

"Yes, Ollie!" she finally exclaimed, her voice filled with happiness. "A thousand times, yes!"

his face broke into a wide smile, relief and joy washing over him. He couldn't believe he had pulled off the surprise, and seeing Y/N's happiness made every effort worthwhile.

Y/N's voice filled with anticipation as she made a request. "Ollie, can you come down to the backyard? I want to be closer to you."

Ollie's heart skipped a beat at her suggestion. Without hesitation, he agreed. "Of course, Y/N. Give me a moment, I'll be right there."

He swiftly made his way downstairs, phone still in hand, and stepped into the cool night air. The moon cast a soft glow on the familiar surroundings as he walked towards the shared fence that separated their backyards.

With each step, the connection between them felt stronger, their voices still intertwined through the phone. Ollie's heart raced with excitement, knowing that he was about to see Y/N in person, even if it was just a few feet away.

As he reached the fence, he looked up and there she was, standing on the other side, a radiant smile adorning her face. Their eyes locked, and in that moment, it felt as though time stood still.

Without a moment's hesitation, she ran towards Ollie, leaping into his arms and wrapping her legs around his waist. Ollie caught her, a mixture of surprise and delight evident on his face.

She cupped Ollie's face in her hands, looking deeply into his eyes. And then, with all the love in her heart, she kissed him passionately, pouring all her emotions into that single moment.

Breathless, they pulled away, their foreheads resting against each other. Y/N's eyes glistened with tears of joy and disbelief. "I can't believe you're here." she whispered, her voice filled with awe and overwhelming love

Ollie couldn't help but smile, his eyes reflecting the depth of his devotion. "Nothing could keep me away from you, Y/N," he murmured, his voice laced with sincerity. "I would move mountains, cross oceans, and defy all odds just to be with you."

He gently placed her back on the ground, their hands intertwined, never wanting to let go. Y/N's heart swelled with gratitude and affection, knowing that Ollie had gone to such extraordinary lengths to make her dreams come true.

Ollie carefully took out the corsage he had prepared and gently placed it on Y/N's wrist. The delicate flowers and handwritten notes intertwined, symbolizing the moments and thoughts they had shared while being apart. Y/N's eyes sparkled with curiosity as she noticed the tiny notes attached to the corsage.

"What are these, Ollie?" she asked, her voice filled with wonder.

Ollie took a deep breath, his voice filled with warmth and affection. "Every time we were apart, every race I competed in, I wrote a little note for you. They were my way of staying connected to you, of reminding myself of your love and support. Each note represents a moment I thought of you and carried your presence with me."

Tears welled up in Y/N's eyes as she gently untied one of the notes and read its contents. It was a heartfelt message expressing Ollie's love and admiration for her. She was overwhelmed by the depth of his affection and the effort he had put into expressing it.

"Ollie, this is so incredibly sweet," she whispered, her voice filled with emotion. "I never knew you were doing this. It means the world to me, knowing that you carried me in your heart every step of the way."

Before they could delve deeper into their heartfelt conversation, the sound of footsteps approached. Y/N's father, having been awakened by their presence outside the house, stepped onto the porch with a mix of surprise and joy on his face.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" he chuckled, seeing Ollie standing with his daughter. "Ollie, my boy, I didn't expect to see you here tonight. Shouldn't you be in another country?"

Ollie's eyes widened, his surprise evident. He had known Y/N's father for a while, but this unexpected encounter left him momentarily speechless. However, Y/N's father quickly reassured him with a warm smile.

"Don't worry, Ollie. I'm thrilled to see you here," he said, patting Ollie on the back. "You're always welcome in our home. Why don't you both come inside and get some rest? It's been quite a night."

Y/N's face beamed with gratitude, her hand intertwined with Ollie's. "Thank you, Dad. We'll take you up on that offer."

As they entered the house together, hand in hand, Ollie couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. Y/N's father's warm welcome reassured him that their love was supported by those who cared about them.

Inside the house, the warmth of Y/N's family enveloped them. Y/N's father, with a playful glint in his eye, turned to Ollie, feigning annoyance.

"Alright, you two lovebirds," he chuckled. "I'll let you off the hook this time, but remember, no funny business under my roof. Ollie, you're sleeping in the living room tonight."

Ollie grinned sheepishly, knowing Y/N's father was just being his protective, caring self. "Yes, sir," he replied, trying to suppress his laughter. "I promise, no funny business."

Y/N's father then added with a wink, "And don't think I won't be checking in on you."

They all shared a good-natured laugh, feeling the warmth of their shared connection. Y/N's father embraced Ollie like a son, and Ollie knew he was lucky to have such a loving and accepting family in his life.

As the night wore on, Ollie settled into the living room, feeling grateful for the opportunity to spend time with Y/N.

Y/N, unable to resist the desire to be close to Ollie, sat beside him on the couch. Ollie pulled her close, his arms wrapping protectively around her. They both sighed contentedly, relishing in the comfort of their embrace.

"I've missed spending nights like this with you," Ollie confessed, his voice filled with sincerity. "Being able to hold you, to feel your presence next to me, it's something I long for when we're apart."

Y/N's heart swelled with love, her fingers gently tracing patterns on Ollie's chest. "I've missed it too, Ollie. There's nothing quite like falling asleep in your arms. It feels like home."

As Ollie felt the gentle rise and fall of Y/N's breath against his chest, he couldn't help but smile. Her peaceful sleep in his arms filled his heart with love and gratitude. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face, caressing her cheek with his fingertips.

As the night deepened, Ollie leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Y/N's forehead, his heart overflowing with love and gratitude. The soft touch of his lips against her skin conveyed a multitude of emotions that words alone could not express.

He whispered once again, his voice barely audible in the quiet room, “I love you, Y/N.” his words filled with tenderness and devotion. It was a declaration meant for her, a reminder of the depth of his feelings and the unwavering commitment he had for her.

Y/N stirred slightly in her sleep, sensing his affectionate gesture. A peaceful smile curved her lips as she snuggled closer to Ollie, finding solace in his embrace.

With a contented sigh, Ollie closed his eyes, cherishing the moment of pure serenity. In that intimate space, he felt an overwhelming sense of peace and happiness, knowing that he was sharing his life with someone who meant the world to him.

#f2 fanfic #f2 x you #f2 imagine #f2 fluff #f2 x reader #f2 fic #f2 x yn #ollie bearman x oc #ollie bearman x you #ollie bearman x reader #ollie bearman #ollie bearman fluff #f1 fic #f1 x reader #f1 fics

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andreabandrea · 14 days

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i think all the time about how hard it is to be a kid even in the best case scenarios. like yeah as a kid you have very few responsibilities and youre innocent etc but i think the thing is that adults (at least in the USA) largely do not consider you to be a human.

i remember when i was a kid, my parents were nice to me and supportive and so on-- i didnt have a bad childhood. but there were times where my dad would just take things from me, or interrupt me on the computer/tv, not because i had exceeded screen time or anything but just because "im the dad and im more important so i can do what i want". i remember how powerless i felt when adults would shout at me, especially if it was over something i didnt understand and/or hadnt been taught.

i remember adults laughing in my face sometimes when i was crying or upset, and i think about this when i see those 'toddler/kid freakout' tiktok videos mocking a child's reaction, even if it is for something "stupid" like they dropped their candy or whatever.

even the most well-meaning adults will often write off your pain and negative emotions as 'overreactions', and this goes triple if youre neurodivergent. i had pneumonia as a child and my doctor thought i was just being dramatic.

your input on things is largely seen as worthless. if your parents want to travel the country in a van, but you want to go to school and have friends and have your own bedroom, they'll just pack you up and take you in that van because you're the child and you're their property. i think about this when i see those 'van life' families, and i think about this as i'm reading the Wavewalker book about the girl who was forced to live on her parents' boat with little to no schooling for 10 years.

if your parents spank you and hit you, largely thats seen as their "choice" as parents, no matter how many studies tell them it traumatizes children. and youre dependent on the adults around you and if those adults suck, or if youre in a bad situation, you have very little to no ability to change that and you just have to endure.

and thats what drives me insane about desantis is that we see more and more rhetoric like "the rights of parents" and "protecting children" but these kids are being told that they do not have rights. its as if people truly believe parents deserve to know everything, even if the child doesnt feel safe telling them. people think parents deserve to control their kids' every choice and every move. but when it comes to protecting kids from gun violence and protecting gay/trans kids and especially kids of color, republicans could not give less of a shit. hell, even the grand majority of democrats barely care.

yes, i get it. parenting is unimaginably hard. the nuclear family is unsustainable especially in today's double-income-not-even-making-rent economy. the world is fucked up. sometimes kids are shitty and it might hurt you as an adult. but kids are not evil, and kids are not adults who are acting with fully developed brains and social skills and empathy and so on and its important to keep that in mind.

on the chance that anyone wants to reply with "well i hate kids :/" look. you dont have to be a parent. but at least be kind to children in your life. let the kid in the park ramble to you about skibidi toilet or fucking whatever. you do owe people kindness, especially children

#bandrea blabbers

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sahonithereadwolf · 11 months

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Can I tell you about the very queer game I made this Pride?

In A World That Hates and Fears You, Living Becomes an Act of Rebellion.

Exceptionals is a game inspired by X-Men about and for the spaces and communities marginalized peoples make for themselves. Play as a Geno, one of little less than 0.5% percent of the population that has gone through a mysterious process called Claremont-Simonson mutation, as you try to navigate a world that won’t make room for you. Exceptionals is a game about what the mutant metaphor means to you and the different lenses through which we view it. Punch back and build something of worth together in this narrative tag-driven tabletop role playing game. 🧬Features Open-Ended Character Creation🧬 Mix and Match between (23) open-ended but guided protocols. Answer questions to create high concept and unique super powered characters where the only real limit is your imagination. Get invested in who you make as a whole person, and not just a set of powers. Build a Community 🧬Create a living and dynamic community space full of colorful characters. 🧬 Grow your base as an anchor for other geno and help fill it with the resources they and you need. Understand how your actions effect others and gain trust through the bonds mechanic. It’s a game where you get stronger by growing your community and heal by being part of it.

🧬Comic Book Storytelling 🧬 Play as a creative team of writers and editors working to tell the best version of the story you can over time and storyline-based experience to model changes of the status quo and creative direction. Enjoy panel based action pacing and the ability of characters of all power levels to coexist and carry the same amount of story weight.

🧬Not Pain Tourism 🧬 While Exceptionals offers a number of places to push back, we understand and recognize that the most important part of a punching bag is that you choose to hit it, even if it’s not at all. We recognize not everyone gets to set the issues that the mutant metaphor is used to talk about down when they leave the table and offer many ways to tell stories outside of a lens defined by pain. We also put an emphasis and mechanical weight on the importance of joy and celebration. 📚You can buy the Core Book here:📚 https://bramblewolfgames.itch.io/exceptionals 📚You can buy the Expansions here:📚 https://bramblewolfgames.itch.io/exceptionals-expansion-bundle 📚You can buy the bundle with everything here:📚 https://bramblewolfgames.itch.io/exceptionals-expansion-bundle I didn’t go out with the intent of making this a very queer game. Not explicitly. I started making games because I got frustrated waiting to feel seen or acknowledged. Another game got me mad about using my peoples stories to be transphobic, to be racist, to be ableist. Nevermind my people have more than two genders traditionally and faced a genocide. That was too much for me. I said this was enough and the quite indignities I suffered to feel included wasn’t worth it. I could do better myself. So I set out to make a superhero game. I hated just about every comic book game on the market. It never seemed to capture what I did like about big hero comics with high concept storytelling and powers and couldn’t care less on a mechanical or narrative level about who this person was outside the mask. More focused on bashing action figures together and golden age pastiche that doesn’t really reflect the decades of character and genre developments that have happened since then. I later found games that do it better, but I was dissatisfied... I chose x-men for the homies. I’ve always been an x-men fan. A lot of people my age were. My first action figure was one of rogue I got at a garage sale, where she then went on to fight many a play-dough monster. But for many of us it was the first place we were allowed to be heroes. There are no natives on the 90′s x-men team. But I had uncles and older kids all too eager to tell me about Forge and Warpath (I hate that name) and my favorite Dani Moonstar (I ain’t the biggest fan of that name either, but she’s the closest thing mainstream hero comics have to a good NDN).

After that, things just kinda flowed from there. The X-men have such a focus on community. It’s “comics greatest soap opera”. It can be messy, complicated, beautiful and life-affirming all at the same time. They take the time to play basketball, go to the mall, and have birthday parties as they grow. Two of my favorite x-men comics aren’t about fighting at all. One is framed around a sleepover some students have, and another is about a wedding and framed around everyone filming their part of the wedding tape.

So I started thinking about the communities I’ve been a part of. A big core of the game is informed by my time and the people I met in these sort of spaces. As a native, as a queer person, as a disabled person I’ve been both someone who needed them and someone who gave back.

Which suited x-men just fine. X-men has cared about that sort of thing from about X-men #3 with the first appearance of The Blob, establishing it’s tone of sympathy and mutants as a minority analog.

I just kept going and I didn’t stop. And apparently I did a good job. Someone out there has been using my game as game-therapy and community outreach in a gender health center out in California. I got a lot of kind words for the game too (which is good, because I spent 3 years on it).

KUDOS

-As featured on; io9/Gizmodo, Kotaku, Listen to Theses Nerds, Team-Up Moves, Yes Indie'd Pod, Team-Up Moves, and The Voice of Dog -#1 Best Seller and Popular on Itch.io in both Analog & RPG Games, Sept 2021

Listen to the Team-Up Moves AP Here!: https://teamupmoves.com/runs/exceptionals "Exceptionals is a beautiful, brilliantly designed superhero RPG. It's truly a masterpiece, and if you haven't checked it out, do yourself a favor." -@PartyOfOnePod

"This thing COOKS, Sahoni doesn't just tap into the queer/minority readings of mutants, but also ties in the weirdness that really gets my mind racing when it comes to X books." -@froondingloom

"A refreshingly different game, that strikes a good balance between unlimited player freedom and solid guiding handrails. Really gets at the full potential of what the ;mutant outcast heroes' genre should be about: found family, building communities, and lives lived to the fullest despite being lived in defiance." -@guywhowrotethis

"The whole game oozes love for its inspiration while also going further than they dared...." -@Phoenix24Femme

"Astonishing! Uncanny! All-New! And all other X-Adjectives available. This book gets why one would want to play the Mutant Metaphor in an RPG. It cleverly weaves the power fantasy of powerful individuals with the drive to do good for one's community. It's well-researched, well-written and, well, so much fun to play! This is the superpowered game I've been wanting for a long, long time. I can't wait to tell an Exceptional story of my own!" -@Kokiteno Team-up moves even made a recommended comic reading list. It has some of the best x-men has to offer and then some. It even includes that New Mutants comic with the sleepover. They read me for filth and I love it.

I hope you play my game too. I hope you like it. I hope you tell queer stories and build community around you. I hope it’s messy, complicated, beautiful and life-affirming all at the same time. Thank you for reading this. Please reblog if you can as well as share it with x-men and rpg fans in your life.

#exceptionals #Indie TTRPG #ttrpg #comics #X-men #pride #mutants

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bakubunny · 4 months

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bunny can i beg for daddy izu crumbs if you have any ? whatever you’re feeling (totally can ignore this <3)

hi starr! no need to beg; i always intend to write some daddy!izu but never get around to it. you’re giving me a valid excuse to indulge that desire and avoid updating my masterlist yet again. gonna go with daddy dom izu & little reader bc that’s where i’m at rn. hope that’s okay. 🖤

here’s a brain dump based loosely off of this drabble. bc i know you’re okay with it: age play themes ahead, mention of caregiver/little (dd/lg), fluff ig?

i hc daddy izu as one that’s pretty soft; like i could definitely see him being as mean as they come, won’t put up with bratting of any kind, etc., but i could also see him being content with being soft and loving almost all of the time.

that doesn’t mean he’s not rough in bed tho; i think with him it’s a 50/50 mix, and he’ll usually adapt to what you need and enjoy it just as much.

he likes to plan his scenes out well ahead of time, but he can also do things on the fly with enough experience under his belt.

daddy izu enjoys orgasm control - delay, denial, overstim, ruined orgasms, the whole bit. he doesn’t do it all the time bc it’s not his top favorite thing to do with you, but he likes the variety it allows. he can be as nice or as mean as he wants at any given point without having to be harsh, and he knows harsh can be very overwhelming when you’re not expecting it. and more importantly, it’s all based around pleasure, which i believe a softer version of izu would be all for.

not much of a sadist outside of spanking and maybe some impact play. he really only does it if he knows you want (or need) it. he’s a fan of maintenance spankings bc they can be used for a variety of purposes - to keep his sweet thing in check, but also give you regular times to enjoy being a bit of a masochist if that’s important to you to name two.

he’s the kind of dom that’s not like… a jack of all trades? but he can adapt to what you want or need pretty easily with a little research, and he doesn’t have a specific area of interest outside of ddlg in this context? if that makes sense? anyway.

daddy izu has always known he likes to take care of people. he’s a hero, after all. it takes him a while to accept how far that actually goes. he struggles with it. it’s only thanks to the internet that he figures himself out while he’s young (early 20s).

by the time you meet him he understands dd/lg dynamics in theory, but he’s never been in one. heck, he’s not even sure if he wants that or can give that to someone with his status as a pro hero.

but that doesn’t stop him from slipping here and there and showing that side of him, especially when he sees how you melt under his care. he’s pretty sure he’s picking up hints that you might indeed be a little, but he’s way too embarrassed to ask.

izuku the kind of person that pulls the little side out of you when you’re too ashamed to show it. he showers you with sweet encouragement and doesn’t mind how needy you get. tells you, “it’s okay, sweetie. i love how much you need me. don’t ever be sorry for it.”

he feels his heart get warm and fluttery the first time he gets a real taste that his inkling might be right. maybe it’s the way you swing your feet so cutely when he “pampers” you by putting on your socks and shoes, or how you sort of melted into him and got shy that one time he carried you from the car to the bed because you were too tired.

or perhaps it was the most obvious moment, when he caught you watching a kids show, coloring on your own to de-stress. izuku had mixed feelings, ones of warm confirmation and others of pain watching you fold into yourself so quickly. he hated the way you immediately turned the tv off, snapped your coloring book shut, and tried to hide it like you had something to be ashamed of.

so izuku did the only thing he could think to do. he sat down next to you, gave you a kiss, and said, “hey, princess. whatcha got there?”

his smile was bright and kind as ever; he was trying to show curiosity rather than overwhelming excitement. but the look on your face told him you were hesitant.

“nothing, i’m just drawing,” you said. “sorry.”

his heart fell as he gave you a curious look. “no need to be sorry. can i see your drawings? i bet they’re very pretty.”

you tucked your head as heat prickled the apples of your cheeks; his tone of voice had shifted, but you couldn’t quite place it. “izuku, it’s dumb, really. don’t worry about it.”

“none of that. show me how well my girl draws, hmm? i want to see what you made,” izuku replied.

you considered it for a moment. then without looking up, you pulled the book of sanrio characters from your chest and opened to the page you had been working on. heat flooded your face. tears pricked the corners of your eyes.

“baby, that’s beautiful! i love it,” he said.

“thanks,” you said softly.

izuku’s enthusiastic response was far from surprising, but what caught you was his tone once again. and it clicked - you’d heard that tone of voice before plenty of times. it was the same one he used when he bent down to talk to small children who ran up to see him. you weren’t sure if you should feel humiliated or if -

“you’re doing such a good job, little one,” he said. “i’m proud of you.”

you froze. you looked to him. though you were on the brink of tears, his smile was still bright, albeit nervous.

“really?” you said.

“yeah! of course i am. do you have another coloring book, sweet pea? i’d love to draw with you.”

you pointed to the black backpack at your feet. izuku pulled out the only hero themed coloring book you had.

“i think this one’s perfect, don’t you?” he asked.

you pulled him in for a tight hug and nodded.

#not sure i like it #but i rly tried #also i will always and forever love the ‘first discovery of something abt your partner’ trope bc it’s soft like me 😤#hope this wasn’t too redundant #bakubunny #midoriya izuku #tw age play #tw daddy kink #💖#🧸

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ashesbreadandbutter · 14 days

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Solomon x Fem! Parent! Reader || It's Okay, I'm Right Here

Word Count: 3,081

Rating: Sfw, Mature matters

Includes: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Fluff

Thank you for commissioning me! @eternallyanxiousandstressed I hope everything is to your liking and again I hope that the things going on right now that may be painful heal and get better but I wish you nothing but love and luck momma!

It's that day and to say the least you were hurting.

You knew it was happening, knew the time was coming but that didn't mean you ever enjoyed it..

You carefully watched as Solomon played with him, a chest of toys that the white haired man had even gotten for himself sat wide open as your son ran back and forth just to show off his favorite toys and things. You can see the look on his face, the smile you son gives him as he grins up at Solomon with that smile you've always loved.

Your heart is literally aching, feeling as though it's being torn apart.

Solomon was always so good with him. Ever since you both introduced the two your son had seemed interested in the man even if he was a little shy at first. You remembered the way Solomon smiled warmly at the boy who slightly hid his face and then with that flair that he always seemed to have… Solomon kneeled down on one knee to the child and with a short little chant and a sway of his fingers glitter and colorful swirls seem to form from his fingers before poof! A toy sat in his palm, one that he didn't exactly know the boy would enjoy but really hoped so.

Though Solomon isn't necessarily one who cares for the way people looked at him this was completely different. This was you and your son and after being with you for as long as he has now it only made the most since that he wanted to get along with the boy.

It seemed to have worked out quite well. You knew from the moment that Solomon had looked into your eyes that he was a good one, loving and understanding and when your son happily took the toy after a moment just to make sure it was actually alright to take. There's a moment where he looks up at Solomon, bright eyes twinkling at the sight of the gift and Solomon nods with a hum.

“It's alright, you can definitely have this.” Solomon reassured the boy, something else you had noticed the white haired male was quite good with over the timespan of your relationship.

You remembered looking at Solomon after, lifting a brow as if asking how he knew the young boy would like such a gift only to feel your cheeks warm up just a bit when he seemed to smile back knowingly.

Back then Solomon had given a little carefree shrug, a light chuckle coming from him thanks to that adorable look on your face that he always loved to see.

“He's a kid. There's not much else they usually enjoy aside from toys and candy last time I checked.”

He says with that smartass voice of his that you always seemed to love hearing and you huffed out a little laugh.

You smile carefully, looking at the scene just a few feet before you with so much love and affection whilst leaning against the doorframe. You loved catching them in these moments, seeing that carefree smile on your baby's face while he spent such important moments with Solomon who was basically the man that happily stepped up to help you raise the boy. You had caught them a few times in some rather cute moments; catching Solomon feeding the boy, guiding and teaching and correcting the boy whenever it seemed needed …like an actual father was supposed to…

Oh course you never wanted to stop your son from seeing his actual father but every time you looked at you child… his smiling little face that seemed to shined brighter than every other star in the sky, you couldn't help the clenching you felt in your heart. It wasn't that you necessarily hated or felt anything angry over your last partner and you knew that realistically your son should be allowed to see his father no matter what you and the man had gone through but as you watched these moments you couldn't help but simply wish it had been Solomon to actually be the boy's father. Though, you did love seeing that the white haired man treated your son like one anyway even without you having to ask or say anything.

Your baby deserved a father and you and Solomon had talked about it so many times, mainly because you couldn't help but feel scared… and just like the caring and adoring man he was, Solomon carefully reached his hands out to wrap around you and hold you close. Telling you that it'd be okay because whether the boy was his or not… he'd happily help take care and raise him. And that's exactly what Solomon has done since the two of you… three of you met.

The air of peace and tranquility pauses.

There's a knock at the door…

One that you all seem to notice at the very same time.

You're the closest to it and as the two look over at you, you let out a soft sigh before turning and going to the door. Solomon frowns a little, he simply can't help it because while he knows you had to do this didn't mean he had to be happy about it… He looks at your son before smiling softly and the boy seems to return the little look before Solomon gets to his feet.

“Stay right there okay?” Solomon says to the boy who shyly now seems to nod.

He follows you, your child hanging back for now, peeking around at the scene as you take your hand and unlock the knob before twisting it and just as expected he stood there… your past husband, the man you nor Solomon wanted to see but as you try to resist frowning Solomon takes his place at your side, reaching over to rub your shoulder in a way that seems to actually convince you to open the door.

You pull it open and there he stood, looking at you first as a little smile almost dares to taint his lips before falling completely at the sight of Solomon and your son who crept forward until he could grip at Solomon’s pants leg as if the sight of the boy clinging to the man was like pouring salt into an already infected wound.

There's a moment of silence and you can feel the weight of the air around you getting heavier. You were sure he was simply displeased at the sight of you raising your child with another man but Solomon stares him down, as if he's daring the other man to do something about it.

You managed to speak first, greeting the man who seems to huff in return before crossing his arms over his chest.

“I've come to pick up my son.” He says and it sends a spark of blistering rage through you because after everything the two of you have been through you thought he knew by now that if you could your son would be exactly just that, your son. You don't like that tone he uses either, the one he seemed to pull out as if he was better than you and had something to hold over your head and Solomon can practically taste the way it makes you feel.

He doesn't get angry often he'll admit but something about this ex-husband of yours could really pull Solomon into doing so. Especially when he can see that look on your face, the saddened expression that he dreaded seeing on your precious face. It's not just that either, as his eyes turn from you down to your son he can only feel more annoyed, upset at the fact that this man of all people has come just to ruin all of your day.

“Our son.” Solomon suddenly hums and the tension in the air suddenly seems to grow a lot heavier as if the air around you all had turned poisonous.

“You've come to pick up our son.” He says again and there's a moment where both you and your child perk up just from hearing Solomon say such a thing. It's not like he didn't say it often, with permission many months ago Solomon had spent hours holding you, kissing you until you cried and clung to him and felt comfortable with him being this close in your family and home and now as you savor the feeling of his hand gently squeezing your shoulder, you've never been more grateful. It calms you even while your ex seems to sneer at the man who calmly grins, smug in his stance. He knows he shouldn't pick a fight, you've told him not to before but oh does Solomon love seeing that stupid, angry look that washes over your ex's face.

If it weren't for the fact that Solomon was a sorcerer, a lesson that your ex husband was still stubbornly learning he probably would have never spent any time dealing with this man to begin with. Even resisting simply slamming the door in his face right now was rather difficult for Solomon…

You pat Solomon and without argument, without further distraction, he looks over and down at you and his smug grin falls quickly as he sees the look in your eyes, that saddened expression… it manages to shut him up for a moment all the while calming him even before Solomon allowed his own irritation over your ex to bring out the worst in himself.

“Ah, anyway..” Solomon says softly as he looks into your eyes with his own before slowly looking back at your ex who seemed even more annoyed at the sight than the blatant disrespect he was receiving. “I'll allow it, at least until I figure out just what to do with you exactly.” He finishes and there's meanings hidden behind those words, a threat spoken like the millions of spells Solomon's spoken before. All of the sudden the room feels colder, so much so that your ex seems to shiver even though he's not even standing in the house… the only one to shiver, matter of fact, considering Solomon only had the intent to affect him personally. Something else he's been working on for a while now.

“And..what's that supposed to mean?” Your ex asks now, his tone softer than he'd like it to be and Solomon smiles innocently.

“Oh nothing, just that I'm trusting you to be responsible so I don't have to correct you too harshly later on.” he hums and then silence falls over all of you, a few seconds passing just to let the words cook and simmer and then you let out a little laugh as if to lighten the overwhelming mood looking over to your son who moves closer to you, now hugging you leg as you gently run your hand through his hair. There's a soft smile that forms on his lips as he slowly looks up to you.

“He's just kidding, surely you're happy to spend time with your father right baby?” You ask softly, petting that head that you loved so much and while you do so the two men seem to glare harshly at each other, fists slowly balling up on each of them. You son looks over to his father who seems to huff lightly through his nose and Solomon follows the action in a much similar way before nodding carefully. Of course the boy always wanted to see his father. He just secretly wished… he could do so without these moments, without having to leave. Why couldn't the four of you just be together?

Sometimes he still didn't fully understand it all.

“Right, I'm only kidding.” Solomon repeats, giving another smile now as he keeps his eyes on the man before him to show that he actually wasn't ‘just kidding’, that the only reason he didn't strike him where he stood was because Solomon knew just how these things made you feel.

Silence falls over the four of you before you sigh and you say goodbye to your son, smiling at him and taking the time to kneel down and give him the biggest of hugs you could ever offer before he slowly pulls away even though it hurts both of you so much. He had to be a strong boy though, the brave and smart boy that you always found him to be. He seems to take a few steps forward to his father. The man looks at the boy before sighing, reaching out to offer his hand and your son slowly takes it, stepping out the door now.

It's a bittersweet moment, one that leaves an oily taste in your mouth as you look at your child one more time, waving bye as they go to leave but not without your baby returning the action, quickly waving his little hand like his life might have depended on it.

“Bye mommy! I'll see you and dada later, I love you!” He says like how he'd do if you were dropping him off at school or something, moments that always managed to feel like slow motion once they actually happened. Your son's words ring in your ears as you and Solomon wave goodbye though not without you yelling out to your ex to call or text if anything ever managed to happen in your absence. Begrudgingly he seems to accept your words, sighing again and you and Solomon watch at the door as the father of your child helps the young boy in before giving a wave to the both of you before pulling open the drivers door and climbing in.

The sound of the doors closing, the sound of the engine starting and gears revving makes you hurt even more and just like that, they pull off carefully before driving off.

You don't even realize the wetness in your eyes until Solomon carefully reaches out to you. As he gently cups your cheek you look at him and as your eyes connect with his own all you can see if his care for you, his undying love for you that you worried one day might disappear even though Solomon continuously corrected you each time because he was going nowhere without you being by his side. The two of you have already gone through so much and continue to do so but Solomon was happy being there with you to go through it together. The look in his eyes are genuine, focused and bright as if you were the only thing that existed in his field of sight, as if nothing else for now mattered.

Before you can stop yourself you sniffle before quickly turning into him.

You wrap your arms around his torso before pressing your face into his chest, the tears falling just being able to be close to him in a moment like this and of course Solomon returns your gesture by slowly closing the door with one hand while the other moves around you to hold you back. You arm wraps around your shoulders, his hand carefully moving and petting your hair before he moves his other arm to wrap gently around your waist. He pulls you closer as you seem to let it out. It's not like you got like this everytime, not always but you did get sad one way or another and as much as it hurts, like tearing your heart into pieces, Solomon is here… holding you, caressing you while your tears seem to wet his shirt.

“I know you always hate these days but I promise you my love that it's okay…” he hums softly, his voice like a light in the darkness that leads you to a bit of clarity.

“He'll be fine, he'll be okay.. I can promise you that.” He breathes, taking the time to lower his head and press his nose into your hair, taking a deep breath and savoring your scent that he simply loved so much. “I gave him a talisman. If anything unexpected happens we'll know. I promise.. please don't stress yourself out, it's not good for your skin.” He says with a light chuckle and it does calm you down, his words and the way he's holding you as if he worried that letting go might just break you. Even with his teasing tone you know he's serious, that his words are genuine and even though your heart was aching you felt… so, so much better knowing that Solomon had even taken the time to give your son a seal of protection just in case somehow, someway, something managed to cause any malicious harm to your baby.

Which wouldn't because Solomon had promised to always help you keep him safe.

You can't help but cry harder, so grateful to have him here with you, holding you close while telling you that you were okay.. that your son was okay with him around. He's so caring, so loving, patient… gentle, always holding you as if you were the most prized jewel in his world.

“Thank… you..” you say with a shaky tone, clinging to him because you know he doesn't mind not one bit.

He moves his hands to slowly trail up you body, over you curves and dips leaving shivers running over your skin up until he reaches your cheeks and with so much care, he holds you. He kisses the top of your head, then you cheek, then back up to your forehead until he's left peppering to sweetest kisses against your skin and like a cat getting scratched behind your ears you seem to fall completely in his hold.

“There's no need to thank me my love and you know that, you know I adore you and that boy more than I've ever adored anything else. You know I'll always be here, yes?” Solomon says softly, his eyes gentle as his voice fills your ears and you hold his arms, nuzzling his chest.

“Yes..Yes of course I know that my dear, I-I just love you so much… I'm so grateful you're here..” you breathe, calmed down as you press against him like he's a life support and he holds you like he feared you pulling away.

“I’ll never let go of you…either one of you for I love you both just as much.” He hums as he continues to hold you, taking in your scent, kissing you…loving you like you always craved to be loved.

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mcflymemes · 6 months

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AS SAID BY FENRIS * assorted dialogue from dragon age ii, updated version

meeting you was the most important thing that ever happened to me.

i can’t bear the thought of living without you.

you are too willing to involve yourself in the affairs of others.

nothing could be worse than living without you.

before we found you, there was a moment when i… don’t do that again.

you should really post some guards outside, considering all the trouble you get into.

everywhere we go, people try to kill you.

i don't want to hear another word out of you.

and here we are again. for the fourth time.

how much do you wish to test that luck of yours?

it seems you have won the day. well done.

why must you go on about this?

i can do that, if you wish.

i am alone.

i'm afraid to ask what brought this on.

is this going anywhere?

do you want to guess what color my underclothes are again?

you’re squandering something you don’t understand.

you do not like your name?

you'd look pretty in one.

i felt like a fool. i thought it better if you hated me.

nobody asks for their fate.

oh. that. it’s... a talent.

it was better than anything i could have dreamed.

do not make light of this. leaving was the hardest thing i’ve ever done.

whatever you need, i am ready to assist.

the true character of any city is found among its poor.

i enjoy following you.

i didn’t come here to burden you further.

we have never discussed what happened between us three years ago.

is there no one else who has your attention?

you wound my pride with such accusations.

break their heart, and i will kill you.

you keep staring at me. is it my eyes again?

you are more naive than i thought.

did i hear correctly?

that is my hope as well.

i don’t want your pity.

i needed to be alone.

that night... i remember your touch as if it were yesterday.

i shouldn’t trouble you with this. my problems are not yours.

how is it you get into these situations so often?

you did the right thing. many would turn a blind eye.

you do not want to know the answer to that.

i don’t know. it’s just something people say.

you have an entire story written in your head already, don’t you?

a shame that you are going to die, no?

i should have asked for your forgiveness long ago. i hope you can forgive me now.

from what i gather, you like a lot of things.

you wish to do this here? in front of everyone?

i’ve never spoken about what happened to anyone.

why are you watching me like that?

i remain at your side.

i may not get a chance to say this again.

thank you for asking me to come along.

perhaps this is what it means to have a friend.

i suggest keeping your distance.

if there is a future to be had, i will walk gladly into it at your side.

we need to stop and rest when we’ve a moment.

this ground is cursed. only wretched or ignorant souls would linger here.

i cannot imagine what it must be like to lose your family. anything i could say would be insufficient. i’m sorry.

i have never allowed anyone too close.

forget i said anything.

it’s so wonderful having my personal business as someone else’s sport.

well... at least i’m not dead.

you were never ordered to kill?

does it bother you? should i stop?

promise me you won’t die.

do not bare your heart to me, unless you would have me rip it out.

is that a compliment of an insult?

do you intend to go after me, then?

it is always good to be at your side.

thanks for getting rid of them.

i imagine you imprisoned them?

you have my thanks.

i am yours, as always.

the smug sense of superiority does give you away.

you caught them, then?

there you are. were you hurt? what happened?

i don’t know what to say, but i’m here.

surely you can’t hope to best me.

i am yours.

we should move on.

i could ask you the same thing.

i just... am pleased to see you, that’s all.

you are looking for forgiveness, but i’m not the one who can give it to you.

they say death is only a journey. does that help?

i stand ready.

shall we end this quickly?

another battle is upon us.

you frightened me.

oh, you've learned a few new words.

keep going. i'm sure your training will kick in any moment.

to be honest, i see no point in filling these moments with empty talk.

my wounds need attention.

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ptersparkers · 2 years

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good for him

summary: aaron loves you. he hopes his son loves you as much as he does.

notes: hello!!!! so i’ve been on an aaron hotchner kick lately and wrote this bc i love him so much. also like i hate kids but i would die for aaron and jack. bye.

warnings: twinge of angst and canon criminal minds mentions.

(here’s a quick lil fic for yall...pls tell me what you think!)

Aaron knows you’re good for him.

He likes to think he knows you like the back of his hand. Aaron thanks his lucky stars for the night the two of you met, when Spencer had brought you to a dinner at Rossi’s, and that you had found him more interesting than the pasta on your plate.

You seemed to be the only person in the world who could read his mind. Aaron felt so lucky to be with someone who was as patient and passionate as you were, going so far as to accommodate your schedule to his traveling one. He knows how hard it is to keep a relationship afloat when he’s always away for work. Aaron understands that he can’t ask anyone to feel sorry for him or stick around because he asked.

But you do.

You pick up the pieces when Aaron leaves and you don’t make him feel guilty for leaving you in Virginia while he’s away on a case. You’re more than happy to listen to him when he has a particularly bad day. You’re even more delighted when he calls you out of the blue to talk when everyone has dispersed for the night. Aaron loves that you text him throughout the day. He loves that you think of him often and he wishes he could let you know that he thinks about you just as much.

Aaron kept your relationship from Jack for a while so as to not overwhelm him. He didn’t know what he was doing–he didn’t have much practice dating as a single father and although you were aware that he had Jack, Aaron wasn’t sure how Jack would react to meeting you. Haley had been gone for some time now, and Jack was just starting to confront his grief.

As your relationship grew more serious, Aaron knew you’d have to meet Jack sooner rather than later.

He asks Jack one afternoon if he’d like to have a picnic at the local park on the following Sunday morning. Jack obliges, happy with the idea of an open space to run and spending time with his father. Aaron lets you know when and where to meet him, and he tries not to let anxiety overtake him.

Aaron knows that if Jack doesn’t like you, the relationship might not last. He made a vow to himself to put Jack above any woman he dated and that it was important for the both of you to get along. Aaron owes that to his son and desperately hopes it goes well. Jack doesn’t know why his father’s grip on his hand is tighter than usual, but he doesn’t say anything.

You’re sitting on a picnic blanket underneath a tree, shielding yourself from the warm sun when you see Aaron. You flag him down and notice Jack first, who slows his pace upon realizing that he’s about to meet a stranger.

Aaron watches when you wave at him and introduce yourself as a friend of his. At the same time, Aaron and Jack notice that you’ve brought out containers filled with Jack’s favorite snacks and he abandons his post behind his father’s side to discover what you’ve packed.

Jack’s too busy munching on his favorite sandwich when Aaron looks at you. He’s touched that you remembered all of Jack’s favorite meals and even more touched that you seem to care for Jack the way he does. Jack relents after eating three small sandwiches and pretzels, and he’s so full of energy that he begins to run around you. Aaron nearly tells Jack to settle down to get to know you first, but he watches as you stand from your spot and chase Jack around the tree.

The small child grows tired after a few minutes of running and sits beside Aaron with his elbow leaning against his father’s thigh. You sit opposite of the two and Jack begins to ask you questions you assume are important to children. Where are you from? How did you and Aaron meet? What is your favorite color? Do you like pizza or pasta better?

You laugh and take your time answering his questions until Jack grows tired from the warm weather. Aaron promises to call you after he’s put Jack down for a nap and you part ways.

It’s almost comical to Aaron how well you fit into his life. He’s relieved Jessica of babysitting duties if you have the time or volunteer. You’ve bonded well with her and Jessica’s approval of you sends Aaron’s heart into a frenzy. He loves receiving photos of you and Jack when you’ve picked him up from school. He loves when you text him photos of Jack fast asleep. He loves it when the both of you are cuddled in the living room.

Aaron loves you, he thinks.

It comes at him fast. He doesn’t know when he realizes it but knows that you’re the one for him. Aaron can’t explain his feelings for you in a way that would make sense to anybody else. All he knows is that he’s grateful for you.

However, one thing Aaron thinks he needs to work through is talking about Haley to you.

You know who she is. Aaron has always been honest about what occurred with Jack’s mom, but there never seemed to be a conversation surrounding Haley beyond that. Aaron still has photos of her with Jack framed in his home and he’s happy that you haven’t asked him to take them down. Aaron knows that you have a deep understanding of his feelings and the role Haley played in his life, but he still feels guilty knowing that you look at photos of his ex-wife when you enter his house.

Aaron’s away on a case with a victim that eerily reminds him of Haley. He can’t help but mourn her death throughout the duration of the case and his fellow coworkers share the same sorrow. When Aaron’s on the plane ride home, his mind wanders to you and Haley, and he knows he needs to talk to you about what might happen if Jack brings her up in front of you.

In the few months you’ve gotten to know Jack, he hasn’t said anything about Haley. Aaron’s found it difficult to get Jack to open up about his feelings regarding his mother’s death and he doesn’t want to pry. Aaron’s been so busy that he keeps forgetting to strike that conversation off of his list but he also does not want to overwhelm you by the thought of having to live up to an impossible standard.

Aaron doesn’t want to make you feel like you have to be Haley in order for you to love him. He’s worried that you might.

The plane lands well after the sun has set and all Aaron wants to do is go home and see his son. He knows you’ve been watching him for the past few days and isn’t surprised to see the living room lights turned on with the television playing. Aaron quietly walks into the house through the garage door and is about to greet the both of you when he hears Jack speak.

“Y/N, do you think my mom misses me?”

Aaron’s anxiety rises when he hears Jack ask you that question. He’s standing around the corner and sees that you and Jack are on the couch, the movie you’ve been watching turned low and Jack leaning in between your arms as he plays with his fingers.

He’s nervous with how you’ll respond. It isn’t that he’s afraid you’ll disrespect Haley. He knows you wouldn’t. But Aaron’s nervous at your response. What would you say? Aaron’s guilt for not having talked about this conversation occurring eats him alive as he looks at the two of you.

He contemplates on whether or not to interrupt and announce that he’s home. Aaron stops, however, when you start to speak.

“I think your mom misses you so much,” you say to him as he looks up at you. “I bet she’s really proud of you, Jack.”

“You think so?” Jack asks quietly.

“How could she not be?” you reply. Aaron watches as Jack turns to look at you with wide eyes. “You’re the best, Jack. You are so kind and thoughtful, and you always make sure to include everyone so they don’t feel left out. Your mom is so proud of you, Jack.”

Jack lets your words sink in.

You speak to fill the silence. “She was such a good mom, wasn’t she?”

“The best,” Jack confirms without missing a beat.

“Tell me about her,” you beckon. “What did you love about her?”

Jack rambles for what feels like hours about Haley. Aaron’s temporarily taken back to all of his memories with his late wife and feels like he shouldn’t be yearning to hold Haley again; he wants nothing more than to apologize to her for being a terrible husband and for putting her in a situation that she couldn’t escape from. Aaron knows his love for Haley isn’t like his love for you, yet the twinge in his heart makes him feel like he’s betraying you.

Aaron watches as Jack moves away from your lap to show you a photo of Haley. You smile at the picture and adore how much younger Jack looks in his mother’s arms. Jack looks proud when you lament the similarities between them and Aaron witnesses as Jack fondly looks at Haley before he looks at you.

“She was awesome,” Jack says in a proud voice. “I miss her a lot.”

“She’s looking out for you, you know. Your mom may not be here all the time, but she’ll always be here,” you say, pointing at his head, “and here,” you repeat, pointing at his heart.

“I think she would have liked you,” Jack admits. Aaron’s eyes grow bright.

“I bet I would’ve loved her,” you say, tapping the tip of Jack’s nose.

“Thank you for letting me talk about my mom,” Jack says quietly. “I-I miss her a lot and I try not to cry, but it’s hard.”

“It’s okay to cry,” you coo, holding Jack’s face in your hands when you notice tears in the corner of his eyes. You wipe them away with your thumb as they roll down his cheeks and Jack nods, leaning into the comfort of your warm hands.

Aaron’s heart melts. Jack moves your hands from his face and crawls back into your lap with his head buried in your neck and his arms around you.

Aaron decides that he can’t stay hidden for any longer. He opens and closes the door as if he just arrived home and watches as Jack looks up from your lap. Aaron welcomes him into his arms and sinks to his level, allowing the young Hotchner to tackle him in a bone crushing hug. It’s moments like these that make Aaron feel like life is worth living; his son is safe at home and the love of his life is standing right in front of him.

“How about we go to bed, yeah? It’s getting late. We can hang out tomorrow,” Aaron suggests. Jack agrees and yawns, which tugs on Aaron’s heartstrings in all the right ways.

After Aaron emerges from Jack’s room, he makes his way to where you stand in the kitchen and engulfs you in an embrace. He holds you tightly, his chin resting atop the crown of your head.

“Tough case?” you ask.

“The toughest,” is all Aaron offers.

“I’m sorry,” you lament. “I wish I could make you feel better.”

“Seeing you with Jack cases like these, worth it,” Aaron admits. There’s a quiet silence for a brief pause. “I’ve been having a hard time getting Jack to open up about Haley.”

“He just needs some time and grace. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to see someone who isn’t your mom date your father.”

“He loves you,” Aaron affirms. “Told me so before I left.”

“Oh, did he?” you ask with your eyebrow raised. You’ve pulled apart from Aaron just enough to look him in the eye but close enough to smell his cologne. Aaron bends to press his lips against yours in a kiss.

“I’m sorry for not warning you about Haley—”

“Hey,” you interrupt. “You don’t have to apologize, Aaron. I knew what Haley meant to you.”

“I never mean to make you feel uncomfortable when I walk about her,” Aaron says.

“Haley was the love of your life and she was taken from you,” you reassure. “You can love and mourn her, honey. She was the mother of your child.”

“But I feel like I'm disrespecting our relationship,” Aaron admits. “I’m not the best at sorting out my feelings but it eats me alive whenever I think about how you might compare yourself to her.”

You shake your head. “You and Jack have every right to miss her, honey. No amount of time will ever fix that.” Aaron kisses you again. “I’d never ask you to stop talking about her for my sake. I trust you. I know you love me, Aaron.”

“I never want you to forget that I do,” Aaron says quietly.

You hum in satisfaction and remain in his arms for a few silent moments before you both decide to head to bed. As you lay on Aaron’s chest and fiddle with the blanket above you, he knows what love is supposed to look like. His guilt and worries melt away when you trace his chest with your fingertip and he sleeps soundly.

Aaron knows you’re good for him. He believes it.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x oc #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner blurb #aaron hotchner oneshot #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner imagines #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x you #criminal minds x oc #criminal minds #good for him #my writing

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midnightsandmadness · 9 months

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A couple of months ago, my brother asked a simple question. "What do you see when you try to picture a pool?"

My mom came out with a whole spiel. She could see the water glistening in sunlight, hear children's laughter and splashing in the background.

I couldn't do that. Couldn't imagine more than a square of flat blue, and even the color only seemed to be implied. Aphantasia. My brother and I both had something called Aphantasia. The inability to form mental images, or mind blindness.

The realization bothered me at first. A lot. How can you be an author, write stories that feel real to other people, if you can't even imagine what you're attempting to put on the page?

I thought back on all the books I'd read. How I could never picture actual people, just blobs. Why I hated books too heavy on description. Why, even if I'd loved a book, I could still find myself lost as to what was physically happening.

It was making me feel sick. I couldn't even think about writing and reading anything was a no go. Maybe writing wasn't for me, like I'd secretly feared all these years.

But here's what finally clicked in my head.

I started thinking about what I loved in stories too. The relationships between characters, the internal struggle as characters becomes who they were meant to be, the lyrical and beautiful language that has touched me more than any tv show or movie ever could.

None of that was necessarily tied to describing how something looked perfectly from memory. It was about understanding people.

I don't need a crystal clear image of a person to capture how much they care for their family, or to show them grow through the pain in their past. Stories, for me, have never been about getting the image perfect. Bodies just encase all the important things inside a person. Houses are just vessels for families crowd and make a home.

Describing the way things look is important obviously, especially for the readers who can visualize, which is the majority of the world. But everyone can improve at it. And it's never been the most important thing to me in a book, so I have to imagine I'm not alone.

Everyone has stories to tell. Everyone has something worthwhile to add, and it doesn't have to be amazing descriptions. It doesn't have to be anything. Just something that's yours.

#writblr #writers on tumblr #original writing #aphantasia #creative writing #original post day #writing #writeblr #queer writers

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kitthepurplepotato · 8 days

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Side note: I’m not back from my hiatus, I’m just giving you guys a treat to make the long waits a little bit better!

Chapter 7 - Something’s wrong with the puppy.

Summary: Eijirou comes into the coffee shop looking like the ghost of himself. Needless to say, you make sure he feels better as soon as possible.

Warnings: Swear words, reader has a few, tiny bit inappropriate thoughts here and there, sharing a bath (in underwear! Nothing cheeky!) a little bit angsty on Kirishima’s side, bless his broken little soul.

First Chapter Master List

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“Who made you frown like that, puppy dog?”

Eijirou is here for his usual morning beverage but he looks absolutely… done. He also looks like he just finished a shift instead of starting one but you decide not to comment on that for now; his mental health is much more important than the fact that he has soot all over his face and probably scares the customers with his disheveled look. His bright red hair is muted into a weird, dark grayish-crimson color and there are cracks in the metal parts of his costume.

It has been two weeks since your first kiss but Eijirou haven’t kissed you since. His work was hectic, your date on that Friday got canceled and you’ve only seen each other here, in the coffee shop and even that was only for a few minutes instead the usual half an hour. You miss him so much. “Why are so dirty, hun’?”

“I don’t want to go back. Too much. Tired. Don’t wanna talk to anyone.”

Yet here he is, in a busy coffee shop, just so he can see you. Fucking hell, you love him so much.

“Come.” You point towards the staff room at the back. Thankfully, the boss is here to support you today and she’s nice enough to not comment on the fact that you are supposed to serve customers and not to give mental support to your broken boyfriend. You make eye contact with her and she only rolls her eyes.

“Go home.” She mouths silently and you don’t need to be asked twice.

“Actually, change of plans, follow me.”

Eijirou doesn’t say a word through the whole journey home. You call a taxi and tell the guy your address; you don’t want anyone to see him like that and you are quite sure he wouldn’t want that either if he would be in the right state of mind.

You open your door but Ei doesn’t move so you pull him in with you and make your way towards the bathroom with him. He still haven’t said a single word since you’ve left the coffee shop but that’s okay. You start the water in the bath and pour your favorite lavender scented bubble bath into it; the water becomes purple with silver glitters swirling around happily, the scent calming you right away and you can only hope it does the same for your mopey companion.

“I’ll take your… this thing off. Is that okay?” You point at the two metal accessories on his torso and he only nods at that. You hate seeing him like this. Eijirou should always smile. He’s beautiful when he’s happy.

It takes you a few seconds to understand how those things work but after a while you find two clips on the back; you catch the gauntlets when they are about to fall down and you almost pull a muscle; they are so heavy you can’t believe he’s working in these every day. You wouldn’t be able to lift them if you wouldn’t have gone through your uncle’s training when you were a teen.

“Let’s clean you up a little bit before you sit in, okay?” You take a cloth from the cupboard and wet it, slowly stroking the hero’s upper body to rid him of the black soot. He doesn’t say anything but his frown deepens, like he’s ashamed of being in this state, which honestly, it’s quite understandable. As the soot disappears you find quite a lot of scars, they aren’t bleeding anymore but they definitely sting but he doesn’t even flinch when you touch them with the wet towel. You decide to leave then untreated for now and do that after the bath when hopefully, Eijirou will have more mental energy to actually communicate. They are really small compared to the usual hero injuries but for a normal person, these would be enough to end up in a hospital for at least a day. This is one of the things that makes you mad about the hero world… how they are treated differently even though they are just humans, like everyone else. All these old scars on his body wouldn’t be there if they would have been treated properly, but they weren’t; because it’s just a “scratch”, too small for the medic team to care about in the chaos but injuries like that still leave a scar afterwards but apparently that doesn’t matter because heroes aren’t supposed to be pretty, they are nothing but a living-breathing weapon, even in this day and age. It got a little bit better since pro hero Deku and his gang took over the top charts but there’s still a long way to go before the heroes can get the right treatment.

Eijirou’s muscles bounce under your hands, the skin alternating between soft and rough, depending on the area; for instance, the area where his gauntlets is full of callouses, angry and red, probably from the constant friction. You drop the wet towel into the sink to trace them with your fingers, but Eijirou catches your wrist after a few tentative strokes.

“Hurts.” He mumbles. “Ugly.”

It breaks your heart how he can’t even make a full sentence properly right now. He’s a shadow of himself, a dark blob in the well-lit bathroom.

“It’s not.” Is all you say and decide to approach the situation in a different way; you move into Eijirou’s space and start leaving tiny kisses around the area, slowly moving closer to the calluses and leaving feather light pecks all over the reddish area. “It’s beautiful because it’s you.”

Eijirou doesn’t even try to hide the tears in his eyes. He starts to sob loudly, pulling you closer by your waist as he hides his face in the crook of your neck, body flush against yours. Your heart thrashes in your chest and you are quite sure he can feel the heavy bangs against his chest but instead of feeling ashamed you just feel… happy. Happy to be able to show him how much he means to you in ways he knows you can’t fake. “I really like you, Eijirou.”

“I love you. So much.” His hand grips your hair at your nape and you almost moan from the sudden pleasure. Your scalp was always really sensitive so you hated when people ruffled your hair in a friendly gesture but this… this is perfect. It’s more than perfect when it’s Eijirou who’s doing it.

“Let me take care of you, Ei.” He doesn’t say anything to that just lets you pull him towards the bath full of bubbles. “Can I get rid of your trousers? Underwear can stay.” He nods again and you get to work, trying not to think about about how suggestive this whole situation is. It’s not the right time for that. You already made the situation weird by enjoying the hair pulling a bit too much so it’s time for you take a deep breath and take your mind out of the gutter. He needs you.

Eijirou plops into the bath like a good boy after that but doesn’t do anything else; he just sits there with an empty gaze, staring at the shower gel bottle in the corner as though he’s having a silent conversation with it. And maybe he does. Who knows.

He doesn’t let your hand go, he holds it tight even as his body slowly relaxes; by the look of it, he won’t do anything for the next few minutes so you try to reach the shampoo bottle on the other end but Eijirou suddenly pulls your hand and you end up falling into the bath tub, your head thankfully landing on his chest and not somewhere dangerous. You look at your wet clothing and sigh, a tiny hint of a smile hiding in the corner of your mouth.

“Ei. If you wanted me to join you you should’ve just said so.” You giggle as you try to rid yourself from the disgustingly wet shirt and your trousers, probably hitting the poor guy with your elbows quite a few times but he doesn’t comment on it. You end up in your panties and your bra which is basically the same as wearing a swimsuit even though the padded bra feels really uncomfortable on your skin but there is no fucking way you’ll take that off right now for obvious reasons.

You really need to tell yourself AGAIN that this is NOT a romantic situation. Don’t think about what are you sitting on right now. Do not.

You wait a few seconds to give him time to answer but it doesn’t seem like he will so you finally take the shampoo in your hand and and give it to the redhead while you take the the shower head in your hand and start spraying his hair, straddling the guy’s hips while you do so. As the red gets brighter you can’t help but notice his roots; there is a tiny bit of black peeking out from his scalp, so tiny you wouldn’t even see it if you are not up close.

You are not surprised about it per se, you had a hunch his hair isn’t natural but it still baffles you a little bit.

“I can’t imagine you with black hair.” You mumble and the hero tenses under you. “Hey, it’s just hair. Don’t act like I just realized you are an alien.” You leave a tiny kiss on the top of his head to calm him down and thankfully, it works wonders; his body relaxes again, soft and pliant under your touch. “Mine is dyed too. I know, shocker.”

Eijirou looks up at you like he’s seeing you for the first time.

“And Uncle Riot?”

You can’t help but laugh loudly at that.

“Of course that’s your first question.” You mumble as you lather the shampoo into his hair. “His hair color is natural. He’s the only one in the family with that shade. Don’t ask, why, because we have no idea. My dad used to tease him about being adopted, they were terrible to each other. Typical brothers, really.”

“I don’t have any siblings.” Eijirou admits with a shy look on his pretty flushed face.

“Me neither. Thank god for that, I’m enough of a menace alone, we don’t need another one of me in the family.” You slowly wash the soap away, ready to put the conditioner on. He lets you do it in silence, he just closes his eyes and enjoys how your fingers scratch his scalp in the process. “You like this, Ei? Feeling better?” You scratch behind his ear like he’s a dog but by the look of it, Ei likes it so it doesn’t end up being as weird as you thought it would be.

“Uhum. I’m… I’m back. Kinda.” He admits sheepishly.

“Still okay with me being here with you? Do you want me to get out?” You ask, just in case; you don’t want him to be uncomfortable and you absolutely understand if he feels like it’s too much now.

“Can I wash your back?” Is the answer you get and your cheeks flush heavily from the words.

You leave the conditioner on his head to do its thing and sit between his legs, ready to be washed. Now it’s really starting to sink in how… close you two are right now. It’s extremely intimate, way too intimate for two people who’s been dating for less than a month but somehow, it just feels… right. Perfect. Like it’s how it’s supposed to be.

Eijirou moves towards the shower gel, pumps the liquid into his hands and starts washing your back; his hands are so careful yet so deliberate, it almost feels like a massage and you can feel the goosebumps appearing on your skin from the pleasure. You sigh contentedly, feeling the urge to lay back on his chest and instead of pushing you back to your original position he lets you lean on him, his hands snaking around your waist to pull you close. His chin ends up on your shoulder then he takes a deep breath and finally, he starts talking.

“Katsuki and his fiancé are on a holiday. They went to see her family abroad so they’re not in town. Stupid fuckers realized the number two hero is away and started to do all kind of shit in our patrol area, hoping they can get away with it but needless to say, it’s all in vain but they don’t give up. It’s constant. They are easy jobs but… I’m tired. I haven’t slept for a week. Izuku and Shouto tries to help as much as they can but they have their own agency to run as well as helping ours and we are missing the two strongest heroes in our agency so… yeah.”

“You know it’s not your fault, right? You know you are strong enough, this is just way too much for a person fueled by coffee and energy drinks? You are just a human, Eijirou. Give yourself a break. I’m quite sure your friends can keep an eye on your agency for one day.” You interlace your fingers with his, squeezing the hand resting on your belly affectionately. “Stay with me today, Eijirou. Have a nap, then we can watch a movie in the afternoon and go to sleep early.”

“Is it a date?” Eijirou teases as he leaves a tiny kiss on the top of your head.

“It’s better than that. It’s our first day living together. It’s the practice round.”

“Stop teasing me.” Eijirou pouts and you can’t help but leave a tiny kiss in the corner of his mouth.

“I’m not. I promise.” You murmur as you turn back to him to continue cleaning him.

You could get used to this, it’s actually terrifying how normal it feels like to share a bath with this man you’ve only known for a few months. There’s no awkwardness the air and you don’t even feel shy for being almost naked, skin touching skin as you shimmy into him after the both of you are fresh and clean. It’s so easy to forget how young your relationship is as you cuddle in the hot bath tub, cheeks ruddy from the heat. He’s so beautiful with his wet hair framing his face, the locks soft and shiny for the conditioner.

You already see a future routine in front of you; sharing a coffee in the coffee shop in the morning then in the afternoon, cooking lunch, sharing a meal, enjoying each other’s company while lounging on the couch, cuddled close while a silly super hero movie with an unnecessary romantic plot plays in the background, having a bath together then sharing the bed and making love until it’s time to sleep. Maybe you two could train on your free days, spar until you both end up tangled on the mat, kissing the living shit out of the other. You could have dinners at your uncle’s house and just stare at your perfect fiancé fanboying over everything in the house like he’s not about to be a part of this family himself in a few months. Fuck, it would be perfect. So fucking perfect.

“Thank you, Y/N. For everything.” Eijirou mutters into your ear, pulling you close.

“There’s nothing to thank me for. You need to rest and I just want you all to myself for a day. It’s a win-win.”

“… Always teasing me…” he says and you leave it to him; maybe it’s the best if he thinks it’s all just a joke for now. Your true feelings might suffocate him. It’s too much too soon, but it’s the truth. You already have your whole life planned out with him as weird as it sounds.

You can’t wait for all your dreams to become reality one day; but today, you need to take a deep breath - so you just do exactly that.

You can wait forever for him if that’s what he needs. It doesn’t matter because he’s worth it.

~•🪨•~

“What do I need to say for you to stay with me?” Eijirou mutters with a red face, staring out from your bedroom window, tucked in into your sheets like a little kid at bedtime. You are definitely going overboard with your actions right now, but you can’t help but worry about this silly little sensitive man in front of you.

He really reminds you of your uncle sometimes. You were way too young to understand his constant battle with mental health when he was still a hero but once you were eighteen your uncle started to open up about his old struggles and he had the same look on his face when he told you his stories as the one on Eijirou’s face right now and it breaks your heart. You don’t want to see him like this but it’s the part of the job as cruel as it sounds and you need to respect that; just because you were able to be selfish and leave all that behind, that doesn’t mean it was the right choice and you know that. Of course, it’s amazing to live carefree but the amount of people you couldn’t save because you’ve left the field haunts you to this day and sometimes it makes you wonder if all the pain is actually worth it for the lives you could save.

You thought that love is something unachievable when you are in this line of work and seeing Eijirou’s mopey little face clearly tells you that it’s not an easy task to be successful in love and at your job at the same time, and not everyone would have the patience to take care of you in time of need but… maybe, it’s all about surrounding yourself with the right people. You also have a feeling that you would’ve met Eijirou anyway, even if you’d never work in your uncle’s coffee shop because you two are connected by fate and no one can change your mind about that.

“This is my flat, silly, I’m not going anywhere.” You give the redhead a fond smile, but apparently, that’s not what the said redhead wanted to hear because he shakes his head vigorously, his face even more red than before. He takes your hand in his tentatively, stroking your knuckles with his thumb as he mumbles something inaudible. He pulls your hand closer and that’s when it clicks; he wants you to stay with him… in the bed. While he naps. Your heart almost jumps out of your chest from the sudden happiness that washes over you.

“You just need to say please. But before you do, I must warn you I might kiss you for real. I’m at my limits, puppy dog.”

You are quite sure you are as red as him by now but you try to keep your cheeky smile on, hoping it’s dark enough in the room for him to not see how flustered you are. It’s just not on brand, you know. You are the one teasing, not the other way around! Damn, the tables have turned.

“I… I can take that risk any day.” He mutters back; you make a silly noise in your throat, a high pitched little yelp you hope he can’t hear as you slowly let him pull you into the bed, cuddling you right away as you lay down next to him.

Okay, the tables DEFINITELY have turned. “Is this too much? I feel like your heart is yelling at me to go away.” He sighs with his face hidden in your chest. “So aggressive.”

“Can I tell you a secret?” You whisper into his ear while your arm snakes around his middle to initiate an actual cuddle. “It beats like that every time you come through the coffee shop door. It has been doing that for a while.”

“Am I scary?”

… This guy is an actual idiot. Do you really need to spell it out?

“Ei, look at me.” Slowly, Eijirou moves his head from your chest and he looks so terrified, you can’t stop yourself anymore; you stroke his chin while you look into his eyes fondly, moving closer and closer, giving him enough time to move away, but he… doesn’t. Finally, your lips collide in a warm, chaste kiss, one that’s barely there but it’s just enough to make a point. “Do I look scared of you, silly?”

Suddenly, Eijirou pushes himself up to his elbows and stares into your eyes. He’s still close, much closer than you’ve even been to him, his breath fans your lips and you feel goosebumps going down your spine from the thrill of it.

“If I say you do, will you do that again?” For the first time today, he almost looks like himself again; his eyes are full of wonder, he bites his bottom lip to stop it from wobbling, he’s so fucking precious you want to put him in your pocket and keep him there for the hard days and for the good ones, just have him with you every day because fuck, you really do love this fucking himbo.

“Just shut up and kiss me.”

And he does.

But…

This is not what you were expecting.

Eijirou pecks your lips once, twice, then a third time, but then he moves to your cheeks and leaves tiny little kisses all over until he gets bored of the area and goes back to your lips, pecks them again, but even as you try to give him a proper kiss, he moves away and keeps peppering you with these small, almost friendly kisses and you are so fucking confused but also kinda excited for finally not being the one doing all the work.

You have no idea how to tell him you want… well.. more. You feel selfish for not appreciating this properly and you feel like this is not the time for you to speak up about if; maybe, this is what he needs now, just… love and affection but not in a suggestive way. You take a deep breath and try to do the same, just peppering kisses on his cheeks and lips, counting fucking sheep to calm yourself down before you devour the man on top of you. Small kisses. You can do this.

You gently change your positions to let Eijirou lay on the bed and rest. He makes a tiny yelp from the sudden change but he let’s you be in charge; you straddle his hips but you make sure you don’t touch in inappropriate places because while you would absolutely love to take this further, he’s clearly not in the mood for that yet. Maybe he’s the “no heavy making out” before marriage kinda guy. It would make a lot of sense to be fair, with the whole “proposal on the first date” thing he’d pulled.

You really need to sit down and talk, this is getting ridiculous. You haven’t even talked about being a couple properly. Obviously, you are not stupid, you know you are… well… something, maybe even more than just a couple at this point but it all happened so quickly it would be nice to know you two are on the same page about this.

You sweep this thought under the rug for a few more days; now you have a mission to finish, which is to make Eijirou happy enough to be able to take a proper nap. You leave tiny kisses on his cheeks, then one cheeky peck on his mouth, your thumb caressing his cheekbone soothingly as you keep kissing him, slow and careful until Eijirou looks like he’s ready to doze off; when the time is right, you lay down next to him, your fingers drawing circles into his naked chest until finally, his breathing evens out and he’s out like a light, a tiny smile ghosting his face as he sleeps peacefully, unconsciously cuddling into your side.

Needless to say, you can’t fall asleep. Your heart is thrashing in your chest, begging for attention, begging for that deep kiss you’ve been dreaming about for eternity.

“You’ll be the death of me, himbo.” You mumble silently as you close your eyes and pretend to sleep for the next couple of hours.

It’s fine. You have your whole life to take those steps forward. There is no need to rush this. Maybe, if you tell that to yourself a couple more times you’ll actually believe it.

… to be continued!

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Potato ramble:

- Thank you very much for your kind words under my last personal update. I’m sorry for not replying. I read them all and they made me really happy I’m just… well… having troubles communicating with anyone right now. Thank you very much for being so kind and patient with me, I hope this surprise chapter makes your day a bit better 💜

- Tell me what you think of this chapter! Tell me what you think will happen in the next! I might not respond but I’ll definitely enjoy reading your conspiracies! 💜

TL: @porusuniverse @sixxze @unofficialmuilover @cheesenmax @readingfan @sammmm29 @pwinglez1 @happydragonfrog @magicalhandsherringclam @lovingnightharmony @theequeenofcurses @kirishima-eijirock @nerinefy @selfindulgenthoe @fierysplash213 @woofwoofwolf @touyasprettydoll @confused-smol-fan @themultifandomgirl @dark-witch-bitch @lotusstarr

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #kirishima eijirou x y/n #kirishima x y/n #Kirishima x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima eijirou x you #red riot x reader #red riot x you #red riot #eijirou x reader

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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 2 months

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You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 2: Late Night Visitor

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter two of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing (once or twice), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC,

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. Reader is described as being "curvy." I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Masterlist

Chapter 1

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1934 Philadelphia

The subtle scratch of your pencil against the smooth page of the sketchbook filled your quiet bedroom. One look at the ticking clock on your bedside table stated that it was past midnight, but you didn't care. The dark circles under your eyes the next morning were well worth it, tiredness forgotten as the haze of creativity dulled the weariness of the day you'd had.

It was your fifteenth birthday, and although your parents had thrown you a lavish party to prove that the y/l/n family had not been touched by the destruction of the depression and were not concerned with the horrors of war overseas, there was only one person that you wanted to be there.

Ben wasn't of course. He was still at boarding school number five, and you imagined that a number six was already in order, given his track record.

You smile to yourself when you think of your best friend. You hadn't seen him in two months, not since you walked with him to the train station and he tried to act like he didn't care that his father was sending him away again, but you knew he did.

The things that Ben's father said and did to him made anger surge behind your ribcage. You didn't understand how his father could be so callous, so uncaring. You also hate that it drove Ben to drink, though Ben didn't seem to drink quite as much when you were around, because he knew that you didn't like it.

The party would have been more entertaining if he was there. Yes he did tend to get drunk and flirt with whatever walked past him, but he always had a way of cheering you up. And he had a wonderful knack for keeping your mother at a distance, who prayed that Ben would stay away from you, but never did.

If he was there your mother wouldn't have hovered over you all night, slapping away your hand every time you tried to take a piece of cake or hiss something at you when you pulled at the itchy pink dress that she brought home three days ago, your least favorite color. When you got dressed for the party you felt like a porcelain doll in a China cabinet, made to be looked at, but never touched.

It wasn't too far off. Being the only daughter of one of the richest families that lived in Philadelphia your reputation and pedigree were two of the most important things to your mother. It meant that in a few years you would be married off to another rich family, have rich babies, and then put your own daughter through the same cycle of hell all over again.

Suitors were already beginning to trickle into your life, sons of your father’s business partners each screened by your mother before the introductory meetings where you felt bored, stiff, choked by the thick fabric of the dresses your mother picked out, and plastered with makeup. All of course the best of Europe, which you had no idea how your mother managed to get given that there was a war on.

Ben was the only thing in your life that wasn't planned and you loved him for it.

You look up at the dark corner of your room to get a view of the long shadows that creep along the bedroom floor, and cut through the light coming from the gas lantern on your bedside table. You try to distinguish the sharp edges and smooth curves and watch them take shape beneath the ministrations of your pencil against the page.

Art was your only escape, the only thing you did that your mother approved of.

"A proper lady should have a hobby." She had sniffed, but then narrowed her eyes at the graphite and ink stains on you hands.

Part of the fun is the mess. You had thought to yourself watching her disapproving look.

A tap on your window makes you lift your gaze from the page and look towards the window seat that faces out the third story of your home onto the street below.

Ben is crouched there on the ledge that juts out only a foot from the outer brick wall a wide smile on his face that you can't help but return. You had been friends since you were both eight, when your parents threw yet another party and you found Ben in one of the side rooms trying to avoid his father. When his father tried to come in to find him, you lied and said you hadn't seen Ben.

And when his mother died two years later, Ben would show up some nights, scaling the large tree outside your window to stay with you. He never wanted to talk about it and you never asked, instead you talked about everything else until you both fell asleep.

You felt your heart thud loudly in your chest and a familiar warmth tracing lightly against your skin when you lock eyes with him. It was hard to be in love with your best friend. But you were, and you couldn't tell him. You didn't want to ruin the only meaningful relationship you'd ever had in your life. Ben knew everything about you, you trusted him and you couldn't imagine what it would be like to live your life without him, didn't want to.

Sometimes you hoped he felt the same way. When you woke up before him in the morning and the light from the window made his hair lighter and he held you close to his chest because in his sleep he had wrapped his arm around you. You liked to pretend that he did it on purpose, not just because there was barely any room between the two of you in your bed because now you both weren't as small as you used to be. You don’t know when Ben got so broad, tall, and muscular, but now it was impossible to ignore, especially being pressed against his chest when you woke.

It was improper to be that close in bed together of course, but you didn't care. You didn't care what other people thought about him or you. He was your best friend, and although you wished for more, you wouldn't turn your back on him just because other people thought he was trouble.

Which he was.

You put your sketchbook down and go to the window to unlock it. "Ben what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't miss your birthday." He smirks as you take his hand to help him into your bedroom.

"What about school?"

"Wasn't a good fit." Ben pushes his dark hair out of his eyes and you try not to think about what it would be like to do it yourself.

"Uh-huh. What you're really saying is that you flunked out of another boarding school just to make it back for my birthday. Right?" You laugh.

"Thought it would be a nice birthday surprise." He leans forward with a smirk. "Would you like to unwrap your present?"

You roll your eyes and raise a hand to push him back, but he catches it against his chest.

"Come on. You're telling me that you didn't miss me? Not even a little?" Ben pretends to be hurt.

Of course you missed him. When he wasn't there it felt like apart of you was gone, but you couldn't tell him that. You knew that Ben didn't feel the same way. He was just flirty, all the time.

"No."

"Liar." He says. "How was the big party?"

"Oh it was the bee's knees." You snark. "I danced with Howard Stine and he stepped on my toes, my mother didn't let me eat and bought me a ridiculous dress-"

"Let me guess, pink?"

"Pink and ruffly. I looked like a giant cupcake."

"I'm sure Howard loved it." Ben sing-songs.

"Shut up." You punch his arm. "He's not that bad-"

"With a boring name like Howard, imagine how boring he'd be in-"

"Big talk from a guy named Benjamin." You interrupt.

The look in Ben's eyes darkens for a minute. "I'd be happy to prove you wrong."

You shake your head at him to stop the flush in your cheeks and avoid the way your breath catches in your chest at his words.

It would be so easy to give in to him, but you knew that Ben didn't see you that way. Ben had chased after anything and everything that caught his eye. If you were to give in, you were afraid of what would happen after. Ben was your best friend and if you crossed that line what would it mean?

"You're incorrigible."

"If that's another word for gorgeous then yes, yes I am."

You turn back to the bed and where your sketchbook waits, trying to calm your racing heart.

"But you don't want your birthday present?" Ben asks from behind you.

"What happened to you being the present?"

"I am a gift, but I did get you something."

You turn and see that Ben is holding out a package wrapped in gold paper a little bit larger than a book. Surprise momentarily spikes at the back of your mind. Ben had gotten you gifts in the past, but you hadn't expected one this year, especially since he just got out of boarding school.

"Did you steal it?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Not this time."

You take the box from his hand and sit down on your bed to peel back the paper. "I can't believe you actually wrapped this."

"The saleswoman did. Now she was really-"

"Don't need to know." You shake your head with a smile, eyes still on the gift. When you finally pull back the paper you can't help but smile. It's a box of watercolor paints, a package of brushes, and a small pad of watercolor paper. "Ben-" You look up at him with a wide smile. "Thank you!"

"Do you like them?" Ben asks hesitantly, he looks almost nervous.

"I love them! I've never tried to paint before."

"I know. I remember said you wanted to try. Plus I thought you could do some nice nudes of me in color-" Ben smirks.

"Ben!" You snort.

“I’m just trying to help you learn how to draw anatomy.” He wets his lips with his tongue arching an eyebrow in a challenge. “Of course there are more fun ways that I could teach you that.”

“Ben!” You flush bright red.

“Sorry. Sometimes you’re too easy.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you.” You shake your head at him with a smile.

An odd look crosses his face, but it disappears as quickly as you see it.

"Honestly, thank you. I can't wait to try these out." You look back down at the paints, admiring the silver box they came in.

"You're welcome."

Ben hovers by the window at the edge of your room as if debating whether or not he should stay. After all these years you noticed that Ben had trouble with the idea that you genuinely wanted him there. You knew it stemmed from his father's constant disapproval and his father's constant need to push him away, and it made your heart break for him.

And yes, maybe Ben did fill his life with brief flings and alcohol, but he was still your Ben.

"You’re going to stay right? Because you’ve already missed my birthday and I’d like to know how you got kicked out of boarding school number five.”

He nods once a small smile quirking the edge of his lips before he removes the dark jacket with the embossed prestigious logo of the aforementioned boarding school. It catches on his shoulders and you look away before he can see your blush.

“Are you hungry?”

Ben shakes his head.

“Ben, when was the last time you put something in your stomach besides alcohol?” You raise an eyebrow. He couldn’t lie to you and you knew he was only saying no because he didn’t want you to have to creep downstairs in the dark and also because he didn’t want to admit that he was hungry.

“Earlier.” He says it with a shrug, looking down at the coat in his hands to avoid your gaze.

“Well I was going to go see if I could find some of that birthday cake anyway. I haven’t eaten since this morning and all I had was half a grapefruit.”

“Another diet?” Ben frowns.

“Mother thinks I can slim down a little more. Says that I’d get more suitors if my hips were not so big.” You try not to dwell too much on it, you’d been dealing with your mother’s constant berating since you were born. The corset you’d worn at the party was so tight that it left bruises on your hips and under your arms, but your mother had been pleased with how it looked. “She won’t be happy until I’m thinner than a chicken bone I suppose.” Instead of looking at Ben you stand and turn to look at yourself in the full length mirror in the corner. You never thought that your hips were too big or that your chest was, yes you were more curvy than any of your friends but you liked it.

"You shouldn't listen to her."

You shrug.

"I'm serious y/n. You're-" Ben stops talking.

"What?" You turn to look at him again eyes wide and open.

"Well you're-" Ben looks nervous again, tightening his hands on the dark jacket. He swallows. "You're not fat." Ben finishes.

"Well I don't think I'm fat Ben, but thank you." You can't help but be a little disappointed with his answer, you were hoping that he would say that you were beautiful.

My mother thinks I’m fat. You try not to wince when you think it, but instead you focus back on Ben.

"Alright, stay here. Try not to wake my parents up."

"Trust me that's the last thing on my mind doll."

*************************************************

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