#i dunno i just want to be able to present myself to the world without feeling awful!

[peribirb]

...

#i really. really want to get to a point where i can be comfortable in my being trans #a point where getting my picture taken or looking in a mirror doesn't send me spiraling #i dunno i just want to be able to present myself to the world without feeling awful! #it's unfair because i know every other trans girl has to go through the same shit but like. fuck i wish i could at least fake it better lol #i dunno. tdov has me feeling a kinda way #jealous of those who were able to start earlier than i did. jealous of those who found their style and voice and know how to share it #i'm trying not to let it get to me because i know the only answer is. well get on hrt now (i tried!) #and i know it's “never too late” and i sincerely believe that but it also really really stings how much stuff i'll never get to make up for #i spent so long hiding from myself that now i'm like. well now what. how the fuck do i try to exist again in the physical world #ughhhhhhhhh #delete later

[joonipertree]

Sano Manjiro, the most frustrating man to have a crush on

You learnt that Mikey punched a guy who asked you out. Mikey refuses to explain why. Both of you are dumbasses.

Tags: fluff, stupid shit, getting together, friends to lovers, fem bodied reader, smut at the end, it's him just eating you out sjsns, slight Dom/sub undertones because I can't help myself

  Mikey was a dumbass. 

In every sense of the word, he was a short fucking dumbass with a deep melodic voice and great hair. The biggest dumbass in the world. You wanted to punch him in the face and kiss him at the same time. Genuinely, you couldn’t stand that man. In no way could you imagine him ever being a good boyfriend. He’d suck at it-----

“Oi, Sano Manjiro.” 

The man in question turned, face dead and eyebrow twitching. 

“What?”

“Did you beat up the guy? 

“I beat up a lot of guys.”

“The guy who asked me out.”

Mikey sat back with his palms on the ground and Toman jacket secured on his back. His hair had gotten long, a bit too long for his liking and he still hadn’t decided how to cut it. You’d already taken the liberty over the last few weeks to tie them in pigtails and braid them to your heart’s content. He’d just walk around like that without batting an eye. 

“Yeah, he went out with one hit. You could do better.”

“Do you know who you are? The fuck. That could have killed him.”

“He isn’t in the hospital or anything.”

You turned around, not being able to take a look at your friend anymore than you needed to. Everyone around you stared with either pity or annoyance. Sanzu, Emma and Ken-chin were utterly done with Mikey’s dumbassery and Chifuyu was done with yours. Baji and Kazutora were done with both of you. They just always choose the stupid people as friends. 

“You weren’t gonna say ‘yes’ were you?”

And you weren’t. The boy had very bravely confessed his feelings for you (unlike some people) and before you could even tell him your answer, he’d told you to think about it at least. You’d appreciated it and left at that, already planning on saying no. 

“Maybe I was, what’s it to you?”

“Oh my god,” Emma muttered out in agony. 

"Maybe you should nurse him back to health then." 

"Yeah I was already planning on it." 

No you were not.

You left with an emphasis on your steps, back straight and eyes hard because you were stubborn. You didn't care if Mikey won at being the most stubborn person in the block, you would beat him at his own game.

♡

"You know he likes you. He has for years. He knows you like him. Just fuck already." Chifuyu moaned out, having gotten over the shoujo vibes very quickly after seeing the slow burn drag out. 

"I dunno what you're talking about." 

You wanted to deny it. Not deny that you were in love with Mikey but deny he was in love with you. Because admitting it meant hoping for something to happen and false hope got you hurt. People got close, they saw you in your humanity and ran away. The only people you trusted not to leave were your friends, Mikey included. 

"Oh come on. I have given you a powerpoint presentation and a whole binder worth of evidence that Mikey likes you. I nearly got wiped out by Draken for taking one too many pictures." 

You snorted. Chifuyu being a romantic buffoon with an overeager imagination made it harder for you to accept it. But you did acknowledge, not with the binder full of pictures and 'receipts', that Mikey had a soft spot for you. 

You got close at 17, Mikey being an extroverted loud mouth and you being a shy but curious introvert. He took you on bike rides, talked to you while making eye contact, held your hand and pulled you next to him and you fed him bites of your food and let him sleep on your lap. 

But you wanted to argue that….Mikey was just friendly like that. 

It had been a few years before you noticed that Mikey rarely made eye contact with people while talking but always asked for your attention. You both were hopeless and were just waiting for the other one to confess. It was getting painful. 

Chifuyu's eyes shifting to the side made you alert because he wasn't good at acting. And when he got up and ran, you knew who came inside. 

"Hi, Captain! Bye, Captain!" 

Mikey sat in front of you, dark bottomless eyes staring into your soul. You looked back at him, still pissed that he punched a perfectly nice guy. He then eyed your sundae and you immediately pulled it closer to you. He needed to learn that actions had consequences and that you weren't weak for him.

  With a pout, Mikey placed his chin on his arms, splayed out on the table. It made you aware how broad he was, fingers nimble and boney and angular.

 Pretty. Always so pretty. 

"How's your boyfriend doing?" 

Your teeth clicked and with a roll of your eyes, you established that Mikey needed to get pushed off a cliff somewhere. 

"So you aren't gonna tell me?" 

"Tell you what?" Mikey drawled out, looking up at you through his eyelashes. 

"Why you punched an innocent dude."

"He pissed me off." 

"Why?" 

"Did you say yes?" 

"Answer me first." 

"I did." 

You glared, taking a petty bite of your ice cream in retaliation. Mikey glared back harder, only changing when he looked out the corner of his eyes. You were about to turn your head before he spoke up again. 

"It was an accident." 

Your snort was loud and unattractive, hiding your face to try and compose yourself. When you looked up,Mikey's face had softened. 

"I don't believe you." 

"It's the truth. Answer my question." 

You debated your options. Because maybe saying that 'yeah I want to date him' would be going too far considering it would be a lie. But admitting that you didn't meant even more probing questions. Like why you were annoyed at Mikey for punching someone you didn't wanna date.

"Why do you care?" You retaliated like a dumbass.

"You're pissing me off." 

"Good." 

There was another pause. Mikey's hand moving to steal your bowl. You swerve it away from him with no chance of winning with his reflexes and the limited space. So your hand went to grab his wrist. 

Your heart raced at immediate contact. You became all too aware of him. Aware of his delicate wrist, the muscle, the bone that jutted out, the blue veins against pale skin. You became aware of his reddened and bruised knuckles, his calluses and ripped cuticles. They were hands of a delinquent, that liked to grip things too tight and didn't mind rough surfaces and reveled in strenuous activity. They were big too, too big against your own hand and too rough for your soft skin. 

And they were warm, soaking into you to leave a lasting impression. 

Mikey let go of the bowl in favor of holding your arm, gentle and all encompassing. His thumb rubbed against your skin, causing goosebumps to form and a shiver to run down your spine. 

"I was fighting with Takemitchy. The dude got caught in the crossfire. My hand landed on his face by accident. I can show you Mitchy as proof. He still looks run down. Even I took a few hits." 

You saw. Saw the scratches on his face and the redness of his jaw. It made you want to chide him for not bandaging himself. But he always liked it when you did it. Your eyes couldn't meet his, staring at your fingers wrapped around his wrist and his thumb rubbing your skin. 

"You need to stop fighting in public settings." 

"It wasn't that bad. A tire or two got thrown around but that's about it." 

"Where did you--- not gonna ask." 

Mikey giggled, soft and gravelly. You were reminded that the years changed his voice in a way that was still his. There was a pause and you realised the question eating away at you wouldn't go away until you asked it. The secret you kept wouldn't help being hidden away. You were tired and just wanted him. 

"You know……I talked to the guy today. Went to meet him." 

Mikey's eyes instantly hardened, looking away with a click of his tongue. 

"Ah, did he tell you I knocked his brains out? You shouldn't date a liar." 

"No," you tried to keep your voice casual, "he told me that it hurt but you weren't even looking at him when it happened. He just got too close." 

"Then why did you ask---" 

"He apologised though, said he didn't know I had a boyfriend." 

Mikey’s lips tugged upwards, turning his head to the side so he could catch his composure. And you were ready to slap the shit out of him. 

“Huh, I don’t know what gave him that impression. We must look good together.”

“I feel like you saying ‘that’s for asking my girl out’ after you hit him might’ve done the trick.”

Mikey held his hands up in surrender, knees knocking against yours almost to tease. 

"I didn't hit him, I just repurposed the accident. Didn't want it to go to waste." 

"Manjiro." 

"What?"

"I'm not yours." 

"Since when?" 

"Since always!!" 

His eyebrows furrowed, leaning back with a huge frown like you'd just told him his house burnt down. 

"What the fuck?"

"You can't just make me yours without asking me first, asshat." 

"Everyone knows you're mine."

"I dont." 

Mikey took your hand, lips on the back of it as if it was a normal part of his day. But your breath hitched and you froze. Because oh---

"I found you first." 

Your palms slammed against the table.

"If you wanna kiss me so bad then do it on my mouth, you coward---"

And within the next second, Manjiro’s mouth crashed into yours. It nearly knocked you back, if it wasn’t for his hand at the back of your head, curling into your hair. You whimpered against him, his lips tugging into a satisfied smirk. 

Chifuyu had yelled out, “Fucking finally!!”

The sound of your lips parting away from each other was enough to make you want to lean back in. Your lips weren’t willing to move even an inch away from him. He tasted good. Like vanilla. And he had trouble keeping himself away from you as well, leaving chaste kisses on the corners of your mouth, fingers keeping your chin lifted up. 

A throat was cleared, your cheeks instantly burned with the realisation of where you were. Mikey glared at the waiter who just let him know that it was time to leave. And with fingers interlocked, Mikey pulled you away from the diner, sticking out his tongue to Ken-chin who sighed in relief and leaned against Emma.

You got on his bike without question, heart racing because oh god--

The door to his room slammed open and he barely paid attention to anything with his arm around you. You giggled as he lifted you up and swirled you inside with a flourish. Once the door was shut, his laughter was loud and warm as his lips crashed into you, hungry for more. And you let him lead you, combing your hand through his hair causing him to shiver. 

Mikey hugged you close, gentle in his touch and you let him swallow you whole and envelop you. When his tongue prodded against your lip, you parted them easily as if he didn’t even have to ask. And oh, he felt good.

 But Mikey will spend the rest of your lives telling you that you were the best feeling in the world. 

“Mine.” Manjiro murmured out, sucking on your lower lip so harshly that your whole body did a visceral shudder. 

You were breathing hard when you parted, eyes hazy but daring as you looked your best friend in the eye. 

“You still haven’t asked me, asshat.”

Manjiro growled, eyes narrowed and twitching. Your head and body threw itself back as you burst out laughing, feeling free because you knew Mikey’s arm would never let you fall. That led your neck to be exposed to the littering kisses Manjiro gave out of vengeance.

 You squealed as it tickled and felt your knees give out against the bed beneath you. He’d backed you up, without you noticing, like a predator cornering its prey for a meal well earned. 

You felt yourself sink into the soft mattress, hand reached out to tug his shirt down towards you. Manjiro just stared at you, eyes gleaming with an emotion you didn’t understand and a grin so wide you could see all his teeth. 

“Mine, in every timeline.” Mikey whispered. 

And your breath hitched, speaking out without a second thought. 

“Yours, in every universe.” 

Manjiro’s eyes watered and he finally enveloped you, body a welcomed weight as he kissed you in slow languid bliss. 

“Good baby,” he whispered and you whined out. 

You pawed at him, liking the praise a little too much. Manjiro’s kisses left a wet hot trail as he went from your chin to your cheek. A wet sound heard every time his lips disconnected from you. You let him have his way, feeling his hand pat the side of your head. 

You wanted to kiss him back but every time you tried, he clicked his tongue in disapproval and you just laid there as he poured his love into you. You had begun to tear up because Manjiro's love was overwhelming and it was for you.

Your eyes closed as his lips met your eyelids, tasting the salty tears and pulling back to inspect your face. You mewled at the lost contact, opening your eyes and pouting.

Oh, how dare he 

He hushed you, hand patting your head again, lips continuing their venture on your face. 

 Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist. And both of you became aware of the effect the intimacy had on you.

 Manjiro pressed into you, hips solid and confident. And you felt his bulge against your pussy, only his pants and your underwear in the way. it was enough to drive you insane. 

You yearned and yearned and begged with pretty fluttery eyes that had him breathless. 

“Yeah? You wan’ me, honey?”

And despite the embarrassment, you nodded with the biggest pout you could muster. And Manjiro melted just at that, ready to burn the world for you if you asked him to. In another timeline, he probably had. 

“Haven’t even been dating for a minute and you're already so needy.”

He didn’t even let you blubber out a complaint before your underwear was exposed to him. And you craved him so badly that your legs made space for only Manjiro. He appreciated it, boney fingers squeezing your hips before imprinting the memory of the wet patch into his mind. 

Oh you were so sweet. A type of pliable that was only given to those you trusted. 

“Not allowed to hide anything, okay?”

And with that, his nose traced the outline of your pussy, tongue peaking out for a taste that just wasn’t enough for you. Your thighs squished against his cheeks and he groaned, pressing his full mouth onto you. Your hips jutted upwards, a cry weak and wobbly escaping your lips. And with effort, you spoke.

“Stop teasing, jerk.”

The warmth was too much, you could feel him right there but the cotton was in the way. Despite your protest, he lapped you up out of greed. And your hands clutched onto his hair. 

“If there’s nothing between us, I won’t be sane.” You heard him say and it just made you needier. 

“Don’ want you to be. Please.”

And with that, his hand ripped your panties out of the way. Manjiro took a second to stare in awe at your pretty pussy. It was so wet, begging him to eat it out, practically drooling. Many thoughts went through his head.

How it would feel to be inside you, how warm it would be, if he could last long in the tightness? If he'd ever be able to survive without the taste of your pussy after this moment? If he gave your cunt a smack, would you like it?

Manjiro decided that keeping you waiting was the worst thing he could possibly do. 

Mikey was a lot more hungry than he thought he was. Your pussy was engulfed in his mouth.

 The direct contact was enough to make him moan. Your own got stuck in your throat, not realising how overwhelming it would be. When his tongue prodded inside, you let him guide your legs against your chest so that he could have more access. And then it plunged inside and you let out a warbled moan that felt too loud in your own ears. With a hand covering your mouth, you tried to suppress the little sounds tumbling out of you.

Manjiro’s middle finger tapped against the plush of your thigh and he pulled away with effort to say:

“No hiding. Be good.”

You cried out, flexing your fingers in his hair as he went back to the task at hand. And you let yourself voice out the feeling, soft “ah, ah, ah”s filling the air and causing you to tear up in embarrassment. 

“Wan’ to be-be good for you.”

“Mhmmm,” He answered with the vibration of his hum shooting through your pussy and into your back that arched almost painfully. 

The orgasm came out of nowhere, crashing into you the second Manjiro’s mouth wrapped around your clit and sucked. 

You didn’t even care how loud you were being, brain wiping out everything it had as your body arched and twitched. Manjiro only stopped lapping your cum when you flinched away, kissing your inner thigh before moving to you for a kiss. 

You let him inside your mouth easily, whimpering and pawing at his shoulder as you held him close. You shook in his embrace, muttering out weak and tiny ‘thank you’s that had him chuckling at you. 

“Did your Manjiro make you feel good, bubba?” 

“Uh-huh.” You nodded, kissing the corner of his lips in appreciation. 

#mikey x reader #tokyorev headcanons #mikey headcanon #mikey x you #tokyo manji gang #tokyo rev fluff #mikey imagines #tokyo rev x you #mikey sano x reader #mikey x reader smut #mikey smut #mikey fluff #manjiro x reader #manjiro sano x reader #sano manjiro x reader #tokrev smut #tokrev x reader

[lyraoctaviawrites]

Thanks to Solitaire by Alice Oseman, I’ve started really enjoying writing in both first person and present tense, and I wondered what the ITP characters’ voices would be like if they were the narrator of their own book from this same perspective. Into the Phantasm is third person throughout after all.

So I decided to write a quick opening for each one because why the hell not?

If you write a lot in third person, feel free to do this with some of your own characters, it has been genuinely really fun. A simple change of perspective can do wonders.

Sarah:

Another night’s gone by with very little sleep. My eyes sting and my bones feel cold, but my alarm clock says that Sarah Taylor shall sleep no more. I think that’s a Shakespeare quote. I barely remember anything I learned in English. Why did I even quote that? Stop being weird, Sarah, it’s too early for that!

My alarm clock is way too loud. Feels like my ears are gonna fall off. I should really get a different one… I’d use my phone like a normal person would, but whenever I hear a phone vibrate I start to panic. No clue why. I’m weird. You should know this by now.

I switch my stupid clock off and get dressed into my blue hoodie and leggings. As usual, I check my mirror to see if I look okay, and as usual, I absolutely don’t. I’m passable at best and I don’t look my best today. The bags under my eyes are darker than ever and I just look really pale… It’s annoying… But, I put on my best smile anyway. I’m seeing Maya and Lillian today. A smile is the least I can do to brighten their day.

Maya:

My name is Maya Cadigan. Trans girl, half welsh, full time bitch. I love my friends, hate my mum, hate my life, hate the entire world to be honest. I just hate a lot of things, but that’s not my fault. If those things didn’t want me to hate them, they should stop being so easy to hate.

I realised I was trans a few months ago and to be honest, it’s been rough. Thanks to my mum being a phobic piece of garbage, I knew way less about being trans and queer than I should have. It took a lot of research and a lot of soul searching for me to say, ‘Hey. I’m a girl. I’m trans. And that’s okay.’

I like being a girl.

I wanna tell my friends. I don’t think I’ll be able to go into college if I don’t have them by my side in all this. I met up with them recently and hearing them deadname me made me wanna tear my whole fucking head off. I didn’t want to blame them but I couldn’t help… hating them for it. Of course, that just made me hate myself so I ended up leaving early and now whenever I think about it I cringe. I can be really illogical sometimes.

Sarah will be the easiest to tell. She’s a lesbian so she’s part of the community anyway, she’s literally the sweetest person I’ve ever met in my life and Lillian… I dunno, I guess I care a little more about Lillian’s opinion of me… Sarah first then. Before I have a chance to overthink and ruin it, I grab my phone and start typing.

Lillian:

Welp, here we go. Another day of being alive.

Late summer can be such a boring time, especially so when you’ve barely seen your friends recently and you always have to message first. It’s okay though, they both have busy lives. They both do a lot of stuff… without me… I’m gonna stop thinking about that now!

I contemplate getting dressed but I don’t really feel like going anywhere or even leaving the house. Pyjama day. Why not? Relax a little for once, why don’t ya, Lilly?

Note to self, stop calling yourself Lilly…

I don’t need my friends to have a good time. I can do all the cooking today, maybe bake something (cheesecake sounds heavenly right now, omg), and of course I can marathon some movies. Could watch a bunch of really terrible horror movies. Seems like a really terrible horror movie kinda day.

I’m fine without Sarah and Maya. Plus, when I see them again, it’ll be like they never left. I’ll be fine. It won’t ever be like the nightmares I’ve had about them leaving me. It won’t. It’ll be fine.

I’ll be fine…

Kora:

Day 272 on the run

What an exciting day this is turning out to be. This parallel dimension I’ve been reading about known as ‘Earth’ was real and I’ve just travelled to it! These magic mirrors really are fascinating. I don’t pretend to know how they work but that’s only because I haven’t finished reading the books I have about them.

I love reading so so much but I can tend to be a little slow because if I don’t give the words a little time to digest then what’s the point of even reading the book? I won’t remember any of it!

I’ve tested the mirror out a few times and it seems that moving only a short distance on Earth and warping again can cause me to appear very far away from where I first used the mirror in the Phantasm. However, when coming back to Earth, it sends me back to around the same place. I have no clue why this happens but there’s got to be an answer. My current theory is that the landmasses are a vastly different size but I have yet to prove it.

I seem to have stumbled upon some kind of training centre called a ‘College.’ Perhaps investigating it will give me some information about this amazing new world. For the sake of research, I must enter!

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writing #writers of tumblr #writing community #into the phantasm #queer writers #lgbt fiction #lgbtqia+ #sarah taylor #Maya Cadigan #Lillian snow #kora #prose #first person #present tense #perspective change #character writing #character voices #writing advice #kinda?

[singingkestrel]

tag game (Horizon)

stolen from @foibles-fables / @finrays.

1.ride or die ship (your otp): Ereloy fics and art give me so much serotonin it's unreal.

2. most annoying ship: I don't find any ships annoying. There are some that are not for me, sure, but if people love it who am I to judge?

3. second favourite ship: Ugh, I dunno. Beta/Milu is adorable, Aloy/Ikrie is classic, Niloy can make for some very interesting reading, but I guess Hawk and Thrush makes the most sense.

4. favourite platonic relationship: It's got to be the Erend and the guys in the Vanguard. Their endless jibes and grumbling at each other are very reminiscent of some of my very best friendships. Varl and Erend's interactions are great, too, they're just so easy with one another.

5. underrated ship: I really like ships that involve minor characters - the recent rair pair roundup has been delightful for me. I long for a fic about some of the Oseram salvagers getting to know the Tenakth whose land they've invaded.

6. overrated ship: see no. 2.

7. one thing i would change in canon: Like, a lot. There were some pretty big chunks of HFW (and Burning Shores) that just didn't sit right. I don't think I can better the responses of @foibles-fables and @finrays (both of whom might be actual geniuses), but I'd settle for the returning characters (Varl, Erend, Talanah, Avad) to be treated better!

8. something canon did right: I think the Horizon series is best when it focuses on poignant storytelling over action. The way the history of the metal world slowly reveals itself at the Grave-hoard and in the Zero Dawn facility below Sunfall is hauntingly beautiful; I'd love to be able to play them for the first time again. In HFW, the quests in Dunehollow to recover POSEIDON were practically perfect, and Gildun's return in Burning Shores was the best part of the DLC by a country mile. In both these cases you get to peek into the lives of a person from the past via emotionally impactful datapoints whose recorded thoughts parallel the people you're trying to help in the present, yet it never feels too on-the-nose. Of course it helps that the people you're trying to help are some of the best realised characters in the whole game.

9. a thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: Eh. Alas, I'm not artistically talented. I just take virtual photos of stuff I like. I put a lot of effort into my machine headshot series, though. If you go to @singingkestrel and search for 'headshots compilation' (or 'hfw machines') they should all come up.

10. a character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): None of the main cast were treated 100% right in HFW. I mean, there are some things that make me genuinely angry if I think about them too much. Varl dying for no good reason, Erend being turned into a bumbling oaf, Regalla being criminally underused... ugh. UGH I SAY!

But you know who is perfect?

Morlund.

I love his optimism and his determination and his intelligence and his companionable nature. He's a nerdy mad inventor and a very strong candidate for the most overtly hopeful and kind chap in game (I mean, there is also Varl. And Gildun.) and I just adore him.

11. the character i relate to the most and why: I look at the Oseram in both HZD and HFW and see myself, my friends and my home. I adore their aesthetic with all of its chunky wood and sturdy iron, I love their down to earth attitude, their culture of hard work and social drinking and affectionate insults, their adventurous wanderer spirit and inventiveness and willingness to argue about everything. Are they flawed? Sure! Like me, they're loud and blunt and often speak without thinking, thinking they know best. Unlike me (I hope), they're too dismissive of other cultures, their lack of environmental awareness is deeply concerning, and we all know 🕯The Claim🕯 is going to be a hideous hotbed of rampant sexism - one that I will gladly watch Aloy tear to pieces like a tasmanian devil with a grudge. I don't think I can pick a single Oseram character I totally relate to, though.

But I do relate to Tom Paech. As soon as I heard those broad antipodean tones swearing about wanting to inflict actual bodily harm on Ted Faro I knew I'd found the scientist I was supposed to identify with. He was hot-blooded, as he put it, whilst also revering nature, the 'miracle of life.' And him wanting to help, despite significant reservations, and then not wanting to live on once the job was done? Exactly how I think I would have reacted. Plus as a marine biologist/ecologist (assuming I'd be in any way qualified!) I'd end up working on ARTEMIS too.

12. character(-s) i hate the most and why: There are characters you are meant to hate. It's fun to have a villain. Ted Faro, Helis, the Ceo... but the hate is both intentional and enjoyable. They're good characters. If I had to pick a character I disliked where this wasn't the aim, however, I'd have to pick... hmm. I'm not sure. Amadis seemed largely pointless and annoying in HFW though. Talanah deserved better.

13. something i've learned from the fandom: Before HFW came out, I hadn't been involved in any fandom for about a decade (maybe longer, eek!) - I was a solitary creature. Coming back made me rediscover the joy of sharing my obsessions with others. Also that it doesn't matter how small your contribution is, someone will enjoy it.

14. three tags i seek out on ao3: That's between me and my ISP.

15. a song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character: I don't, really. Bit weird, considering how much of my life involves music, and how readily my brain seems to play musical association with images. But I can't think of a single one. Sorry 😕

tagging: No pressure, but I didn't tag anyone in the last one so I thought I should do it this time. @mehoymalloy @robo-dino-puppy @meep-m33p @maybirdie @nerd-artist @astralpaint @i-lavabean @pikapeppa @banukaihelpme aaaand anyone else that wants to.

#tag game #horizon stuff #my thoughts

[mbti-notes]

Hi mbti, i am an ENFP. I seem to have no problems with close friends and my wife but i have problems with more "surface" relationships and i cannot seem to "fake it" as well as the rest. What is wrong with me? I think this issue stems from teenage trauma where i was backstabbed by a very fake narcissist. He was very two faced and spreaded lies about me to the masses and tried to steal my girlfriend. I placed a lot of trust in the wrong person and got betrayed. The problem is that it became a

[con't: mental block. This is so stupid, i want to be able to be myself and be a better conversationalist to people, not just close friends or wife! Ps - another thing that makes me annoyed that i cannot fake it is this: i was talking to many friends and they mentioned wealthy high income earners who are working jobs they hate but still succeeded. I dunno if this is mbti related but this is sooo annoying! I am a high income earner myself but it is due to passion in my field and dedication. It is an inseparable part of my identity. IF i was ever in a profession i hated, it would show immediately and i would get kicked out. Which didnt happen.]

There are two issues to address:

1) Ego Development Problems: When people are at low levels of ego development, they do not see the world objectively. They are only able to see the world through the distorted lens of their unresolved ego dramas/traumas of the past. This woeful lack of objectivity should be of particular concern for NFPs because of the primacy they give to their past experiences when formulating their worldview. Having a distorted worldview enables faulty beliefs and poor decision-making.

For instance, your negative relationship experience of the past has led you to see new people as a potential threat to be defended against. You aren't able to show who you really are or see people for who they really are, so on what basis can you develop a healthy and satisfying relationship with them? Your past pain has hijacked your mind because, when you believe your "feelings" are an accurate representation of reality, you have no reason to question them, let alone act against them. You dutifully obey their every command to hide, evade, or run.

Worse yet, instead of doing the work of resolving and letting go of your past, the strategy you believe you should resort to is "faking it", which leads you even further away from your purported goal of having good relationships with people (a symptom of Te loop). When you wear a mask, nobody can see who you really are, which shields you from the pain of being hurt, but it also blocks you from forming meaningful connections - it is an unhealthy defense mechanism. You have made the choice, again and again, to forsake connection because you give first priority to your past pain during the decision-making process (a symptom of Si grip).

You have put the mental block in place and it is up to you to remove it by facing up to your pain and putting it in the right perspective. You call the block "stupid", as though you're smart/aware enough to know what's up, but it is just an empty performance as long as you keep choosing to let past pain run your present life. I have already written a lot about getting closure on the past, see the tags page.

2) Function Development Problems: Immature/unhealthy FPs generally suffer from self-esteem issues due to Fi development problems. Instead of facing up to those issues, it's easier for them to deflect and shift the focus onto others. It's quite common for FPs to blame/envy/resent others for the things they can't get a good grip on in themselves - their judgmentalness is a clear window into their soul. This is how FPs contribute to their stereotype of being moralizing and self-righteous.

Because you struggle with this issue of "faking it" and project it out into the world, all you see around you is how others fake it, without acknowledging how presumptuous and insulting it is to judge people like that. Are you claiming to understand people's inner thought processes when they make big decisions, or are your judgments entirely tainted by your own struggles with "authenticity"?

For instance, have you considered the fact that many people do not have the socioeconomic means to make their job "an inseparable part of their identity"? Have you considered the fact that different people approach life differently and some do not need/want to make their job a part of their identity because it would be unhealthy for them to do so? Failure to consider multiple possibilities reflects poorly on your Ne development.

You seem to equivocate about whether "faking it" is good or bad, but it's apparent you consider it bad. You chose the word "fake" which has obviously negative connotations, and you try to place yourself on moral high ground by claiming you are incapable of "fakeness". By concocting this moral hierarchy between yourself and others, you actively destroy the empathy you need for encouraging deeper mutual understanding, thus sabotaging your purported goal of having good relationships with people.

///

In short, ego development and function development issues have come together to form the bigger problem of you not having the courage to be yourself, which leads you to have an unhealthy fixation on anyone who can't be themselves as you define it. This is a great example of having a distorted worldview.

One of the main purposes of learning about different personality types is to understand, accept, and honor individual differences. Instead of treating new people as individuals, with the trust, openness, and understanding they deserve at the start of a relationship, you allow your negative feelings and distorted judgments to take over and corrupt the socializing process.

Healthy Fi:

You fully accept yourself.

You admit your limitations and weaknesses.

You are sincere and authentic.

You trust your feelings to guide you well.

You have good moral judgment.

You always make an effort to better understand and appreciate what makes people unique and different.

You actively make space for everyone to express themselves authentically.

You take people's behavior in stride because you set and enforce appropriate emotional boundaries.

You need not depend on others for validation because you understand that self-worth comes from within.

Unhealthy Fi:

You frequently struggle with shame or self-reproach.

You fear having your limitations and weaknesses exposed.

You try to avoid/deny/circumvent the truth about yourself.

You are driven by unresolved negative feelings and emotions.

You have questionable/problematic moral judgment.

You can't understand those who are different from you and cast them in a negative light as necessary to soothe your ego.

You are afraid to be yourself (and feel jealous when others are braver than you).

You take people's behavior too personally whenever it triggers your low self-esteem.

You are deeply afraid of being invalidated and feeling like a nothing or nobody.

For ENFPs, socializing successfully requires developing mature Ne and healthy Fi, as per the Type Dev Guide. It seems like you have lots of work to do.

#enfp #auxiliary fi #te loop #si grip #judgmental #social skills #past #ask

[crystalelemental]

MagiRevo!  We’re through the first three episodes, and that means we’re caught up on an anime that’s still airing.  Now begins the painful process of waiting.  I am not accustomed to this.  In any case, I figured I’d offer some thoughts about it overall now that I’ve given it the proper three episode test.

It’s pretty good!  I’m enjoying myself.  It’s a cute and enjoyable show.

The main focus is on the romance between Anisphia (Anis) and Euphyllia (Euphie).  Anis is a goober.  She’s known for being an adventurer princess who’s quite skilled at her craft, and has big ambitions of attaining flight.  She’s mostly just energetic comedy, but what sets up her bit is that she’s unable to use magic in a world where magical ability was what initially set up who was royalty, nobility, or common.  Anis, being a princess, is in a weird spot without magic, but has also been developing magic tools that anyone can use to supplement.  There’s an undercurrent of the nobility potentially being bothered if anyone suddenly has access to what legitimizes their rule, though nothing’s come of that quite yet.  Euphie, by contrast, is the best mage around, able to use every kind of magic there is.  She’s exceptionally talented, and was arranged to marry into the royal family by way of Anis’ brother, who...didn’t seem to want that outcome.  And very publicly called off the engagement and accused Euphie of some nasty stuff that has put a blemish on her status.  Anis’ solution was to kidnap her, and have her become an assistant to work out these magical tools.  Also to maybe be her lover?  If she’s interested?

I phrase that like a question, but the nice thing about the show is that they are not cagey about this being romantic.  There is no “Best friends” smokescreen, they commit by episode 2.  Well, Anis does, anyway.  She’s openly stated she wants to marry a girl, and only have feelings for girls, and specifically for Euphie here.  Euphie...doesn’t really seem to reciprocate at present.  Some of the comedy thus far has been Euphie being somewhat bothered by how forward Anis is at times, but it hasn’t really crossed a line into uncomfortable.  The other aspect I like about how they set up the romance is Anis’ reason for liking Euphie.  She’s pretty.  ...no yeah, that’s it.  This might seem like kind of a vapid reason, but...yeah, that’s kinda why I like it?

One thing I feel like happens a lot is that structure of a romance where it’s like, even from the first meeting, they just knew they were made for each other.  That this was destiny, or some fated connection.  And man, that’s bullshit.  That’s just code for thinking they’re hot.  Drop the pretext.  This show does.  It has the childhood meeting and interest, but it doesn’t really try to hide behind anything flowery in what the relationship currently is.  Anis thinks Euphie’s hot and wants to get in there.  Respect.  I dunno, I feel like that’s not too far from how a lot of people go through this.  You do kinda start at “They’re pretty, I want to get to know them better,” and things either develop from there or they don’t.  I can appreciate that there’s not any deeper reasoning.  And I kinda love that Euphie’s not immediately turning around on liking Anis.  As of the current episode, they’re cute together, but Euphie isn’t fully sold.  She doesn’t know if she particularly likes Anis, but she doesn’t quite dislike her, she just envies her position and nature and wants to be a bit more like that.  I dunno, I really liked episode 3.  I liked that we’re seeing things from Euphie’s perspective a bit here too.

The cast has been alright so far.  I really like Euphie, she’s definitely the favorite, but no one is surprised to hear that.  She’s the serious type and she has a magic sword and commands the elements, that is 100% a character after my heart.  Anis has been a lot of fun too, and I enjoy what Ilia can add to the dynamic, though want her to get a bit more than just complaining about Anis’ behavior.  I think that’s what the rest of the cast has too.  They’re around, and have some interesting bits to explore, but no one’s really stood out that much yet.  Developments for later.

I’m also curious how much this is actually going to dig into the political stuff.  The implication is that Anis’ magical tools could cause serious upheaval in the social order, and that there’s a conservative faction that’s being presented as a potential problem.  But it’s not clear how significant it’s going to be.  I’m going to take a guess and say “Atelier Arland” levels of significance.  We’re gonna talk about it, but any major change is mostly offscreen and not a big event, don’t worry about it.

If there’s anything I can serious criticize, right now it’s just...Anis is a reincarnation from reality.  This is basically an isekai, to whatever degree they opt for.  And I...dislike that a lot.  There’s no real reason for that to be the case.  Maybe there will be at some point, but there isn’t right now, and it bugs me.  Like, you could just as easily have a princess born into the world with no magic and develop these tools and also be gay without it needing to be isekai.  It doesn’t detract from the romance angle, but it doesn’t really add anything either.

I’d also say, for how quickly they went through exposition in episode 1 to get stuff established, they haven’t really done a ton in these first three episodes either.  Pretty much everything thus far has been establishment of the two major players, and setting up their dynamic as romance develops.  But the rest of the world feels fairly...empty right now.  It’s only three episodes, but I would’ve liked at least a bit more of like...what the political stage is, or how magic works as a system here.  Those two in particular seem like fairly big background details to have so little on at the moment.

But on the whole, the show is doing it’s job.  It’s really cute, it’s fun, I’m really invested in their relationship, and I’m having a good time.  Definitely keeping up with this one.

#magirevo #I refuse to tag the whole title #it's too much

[quiveringdeer]

alright yall, one neurospicy to another, I'd like some advice and/or opinions on how to give some more grace to another--unconfirmed but probably--neurospicy coworker.

cw:

this is me being real raw and vulnerable with my thoughts and trying not to make excuses but some of my thoughts and reactions are/seem(?) abelist and I'd like opinions on how to overcome these thought tendencies -so don't open if you don't have capacity for all this

Alright so this may just require more levels of personal growth on my part and finding better coping techniques that allow me to exist peacefully in the world without allowing the actions of others to disrupt that peace.

Okay so from my perspective and corroborated with observations from other coworkers--I know it's shitty to talk about people and I've also attempted to bring up certain things to this person but honestly feel like it's things that they probably don't have active control over which is why It's so fuckin hard to deal with cause I feel like I shouldn't get as annoyed as I do

They aren't the best at reading the tones of conversation and sometimes when they choose to speak on a topic it can come of random-to myself- and out of synch(?) with the rest of the convo

like having a kinda light hearted discussion and then they brought up the stuff that's going on with the AI and art fiasco that's a big conversation right now, and it was obviously something they were really passionate about and no one else at this going away dinner for a coworker who's leaving knew what this person was referencing except me. So I added to some of the context they provided and felt like it wasn't something that the others would really end up --I dunno being relevant to their lives? none of them are the type to buy digital art or things from random folks online, more like from a local artist or such--and maybe it's cause I have/assume that context and this person doesn't that they get really adamant on repeating how it's wrong what's going on and how people should be supporting true artists --a statement that everyone agreed with but it was an awkward atmosphere around the whole interaction.

Another recurring observation I've made (don't feel right using the word "trait" feels icky in this context?) Is that they can often latch onto a certain thought or action/task that they have difficulty deviating from if something else comes up/needs to be done instead or perhaps even someone is agreeing with them but they continue to restate their opinion in a way that I can perceive as, combative I guess. --The concept of this paragraph is one of the things I've tried bringing up to them a couple times now (they started back in september) by stating that I believe we're both misunderstanding eachother due to our assumptions of one another's tones and the way things are said. And that I think It's something that may continue to be a struggle for us but that I wanted to state it openly and try to hold one another to stopping the other and asking for clarity if we're feelin some type away about a conversation.

There are I feel a bunch of other minor things that can fray my patience but one last thing I'll mention that's come up frequently recently is tending to be very closed off and sharing offhanded remarks about having a tough time with their workload or something else but then not wanting to really have a talk to elaborate so that I or other coworkers can help remedy the situation/just be in the know-- Last week when it was just us in the office early I asked them how they were doing and how their project was going (cause their focus for their internship is a mostly independent project) and they confided that they've been really stressed tbh and then --I wanna say casually dropped but it wasn't really casual, they dropped that on top of them not having standard Microsoft office stuff on their personal computer to be able to work on some documents and create some flyers/PowerPoint presentations, they also have been working 6 days a week cause they have to work a second job to supplement their income, which NONE of us knew, so there hadn't even been the opportunity for our supervisor to then help figure out how to redistribute their workload. And I was shocked and so asked if they'd told the supervisor and they said no and went on to talk about how they're used to it, it's the way life's always been and they were obviously getting emotional about it--which I understand and tried to show support since I also have gone through times not having food available to me and such--but obviously it can be hard to open with people about trauma like that and so almost immediately they where like--yeah I don't want to talk about it anymore. And I suggested they should tell our supervisor because sometimes the way we help ourselves is by allowing other people to help us, but again they reiterated that they wanted to stop talking about it.

Because of them keeping a lot of their struggling with workload basically to themselves except for some offhanded comments about a mandatory course series they had to take specific to their project--unless one of us blatantly asks--Honestly I and other coworkers were assuming that their workload wasn't that much. Also, on certain occasions during office hours they would spend time working on these other time intensive courses for something completely unrelated to their job--granted It's to work towards a certification for something they learned about on the job and want to now pursue more of, but had been told by our supervisor that their position description duties needed to come first.

And It's like, they've mentioned around me before--earlier on in the internship, that they feel like no one ever gets them, and not feeling like they can connect with folks --and honestly for some reason I was definitely one of those cause there were things I would suggest and explain --like not going 15+ over the speed limit in our work vehicles because they'd have to pay that fine and then also lose driving privileges like for the rest of their career with our agency and they got very defensive(eventhough I acknowledge that I also can often speed in our work vehicles and definitely in my personal since I have a lead foot and am a confident driver here but also that is me knowing the risks and also being a lot better now about using cruisecontrol in our work vehicles) BUT either that same week or on the next, a different coworker of ours that this person openly admires and looks up to (I'll admit this person comes off waaaay sweeter/nicer than me often so I'll take that L) will say the same thing and they take their words in stride and simply agree then slow down. Though in a whole other week or so later they were driving by themselves to a field location and passed our supervisor's personal car on the road there going 70 in a 55 and were reprimanded for it, but no privileges or anything taken, just like Yo you can't keep doing this and need to take this more seriously and be aware that if it's observed again then actions would be taken.

But ugh this seemed like it would be shorter in my head. And honestly possibly just need to vent to ppl outside the situation. But yeah, I understand them remaining closed off cause they may still feel not understood. And it's not like any of these things keep us from inviting them to after work hangouts and group events, we're very aware of making sure not to exclude them from things just cause of the potentially "awkward" situations and such--I just hate that I get so easily frustrated and can snap at them about then unrelated things and also feeling like I need to try and help "remedy" the "awkward" situations

so yeah. just feeling like a shitty person tbh and don't need/want reassurance that I'm not or whatever. just would appreciate people weighing in if they have similar behaviors and how they would like to be addressed or not addressed about them by a coworker. I'm trying to work on curbing and shutting down my abelist conditioning/thought processes on how things "should be to be normal" if that makes sense.

#nat rants #its real long and also i most likely sounds like a shitty person #feel free to dm me or send thoughts in an anon ask that i promise not to post #i want legit feedback on this cause i cant grow without it #and while i have my own neurodivergent shit i deal with and am hyperaware and critical of #abelism is one of the isms i feel like i super struggle with #will also be going to google now to see if there are articles and stuff on this but wanted to get opinions #from real folks who relate to either myself or my coworker in these situations

[osakaso5]

IDOLiSH7 6th Anniversary Special Story: Full of Heart...

Chapter 1: The Greatest Show

Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Mister Shimooka: The day has finally come for Rabitty-kun, beloved children's character, to celebrate its 6th anniversary with a special show!

Mister Shimooka: Welcome to Kids' Room!

Mister Shimooka: And as we look back on our own childhoods with Toi Toi Toi Company's famous mascot...

Mister Shimooka: We'll also take a peek at the childhoods of idols whose fame rivals even that of Rabitty-kun!

Audience: Kyaaaaa...!

Mister Shimooka: Here come our special guests!

Mister Shimooka: Re:vale!

Yuki: Hey there.

Momo: I hope you're excited for our baby pics!

Audience: Kyaaaaa..!

Mister Shimooka: TRIGGER!

Tenn Kujo: Thank you for having us on.

Gaku Yaotome: Thanks. Let's regain some of our childhood innocence, yeah?

Ryunosuke Tsunashi: I hope you're all ready!

Audience: Kyaaaaa..!

Mister Shimooka: IDOLiSH7!

Iori Izumi: I'm a bit embarrassed to show you all my picture, but I suppose I'll allow it, just this once.

Yamato Nikaido: Ichi's not the only one who's feeling embarrassed, but I think I've got a pretty good shot just for you guys.

Mitsuki Izumi: Thanks for having us!

Tamaki Yotsuba: Thanks!

Sogo Osaka: Congratulations on your 6th anniversary.

Nagi Rokuya: Only you will have the privilege of witnessing this special picture of me!

Riku Nanase: Please look forward to it!

Audience: Kyaaaaa..!

Mister Shimooka: ŹOOĻ!

Toma Inumaru: Let's make this the best anniversary ever!

Haruka Isumi: Hi.

Torao Mido: Thanks for having us.

Minami Natsume: Thank you.

Audience: Kyaaaaa..!

Tsumugi's Thoughts: Rabitty-kun's 6th anniversary special, Welcome to Kids' Room...

Tsumugi's Thoughts: For this show, our members had to find pictures from their childhood...

Tsumugi's Thoughts: And this is the story of how it all happened.

Tsumugi's Thoughts: Specifically...

Tsumugi's Thoughts: How it happened for MEZZO".

Tamaki Yotsuba: ........

Sogo Osaka: ........

- - - -

Tamaki Yotsuba: Welcome to Kids' Room...

Sogo Osaka: A show where we reminisce about our childhoods..?

Otoharu Takanashi: Exactly. You're both familiar with Rabitty-kun, the children's toy that took the world by storm some twelve years ago, yes?

Otoharu Takanashi: It was renewed and began its second run six years ago.

Riku Nanase: I remember Rabitty-kun! It was so popular when I was little! Ooh, ooh! I'm Rabitty!

Yamato Nikaido: The talking rabbit toys? We had at least three of those.

Mitsuki Izumi: Wow, gramps. You must've been a real Rabitty-kun superfan.

Yamato Nikaido: Superfan? Seriously..?

Mitsuki Izumi: Our parents only got us the one, so we had to take turns playing with it.

Iori Izumi: Right.

Riku Nanase: What's with the cool reaction, Iori? Didn't you like Rabitty-kun?

Iori Izumi: I have a cool reaction to all manner of cutesy stuffed animals, in case you haven't already noticed.

Iori Izumi: Besides, don't the rest of you find Rabitty-kun sort of... creepy? Because of the way he talks...

Yamato Nikaido: Creepy..? Nope, not really.

Mitsuki Izumi: Maybe he seemed scary to you because you were so little back then?

Riku Nanase: Do you know him, Nagi? It's possible that Rabitty-kun didn't ever land in Northmare.

Nagi Rokuya: OH, I do know him! I had a Rabitty Boy of my own once.

Nagi Rokuya: He could both sing and dance, and he enjoyed when I fed him carrots and pet his head.

Sogo Osaka: Wow...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Seriously?

Riku Nanase: What about you, Tamaki and Sogo-san? Do you know Rabitty-kun?

Mitsuki Izumi: Ah... Right, I guess you guys might've...

Sogo Osaka: I-I do know of him. Though I never owned one myself, I definitely remember hearing his name somewhere.

Tamaki Yotsuba: S-same here! We had a ton of old toys at the orphanage, so we totally had one of those somewhere!

Tamaki Ýotsuba: Y'know, the, uh... R-Rabitty Man?

Nagi Rokuya: Rabitty Boy.

Riku Nanase: No, it's Rabitty-kun!

Tamaki Yotsuba: Yeah, Rabitty-kun! What's he got to do with the show we're going on, anyway?

Otoharu Takanashi: Rabitty-kun's manufacturer, Toi Toi Toi Company, is the sponsor of this TV special.

Otoharu Takanashi: Tsumugi-kun, would you mind explaining the rest?

Tsumugi Takanashi: Not at all. It's for Rabitty-kun's 6th renewal anniversary...

Tsumugi Takanashi: ...For which they wanted to hold a big TV special where idol groups look back on their childhoods.

Tsumugi Takanashi: The chosen groups are IDOLiSH7, Re:vale, TRIGGER, and ŹOOĻ.

Tsumugi Takanashi: The show will feature not only Rabitty-kun, but many other children's toys and songs from the past.

Mitsuki Izumi: Wow! That sounds fun!

Yamato Nikaido: Are you sure our generational gaps won't get in the way? Take me and Tama, for example. We're a whole five years apart.

Tsumugi Takanashi: Speaking of which, you and Yuki-san are four years apart. That means he and Tamaki-san are nine years apart.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Whoa. He's basically old enough to be my dad.

Iori Izumi: Hush. Don't let him hear you say that.

Otoharu Takanashi: As part of the project, they've asked you to present your own childhood photos during the show.

Otoharu Takanashi: Do you all think  you could do that? If it's too difficult, we can ask them to pass on you during that particular segment.

Mitsuki Izumi: It's no problem for me and Iori. What about you, gramps?

Yamato Nikaido: I'm sure I'll have tons of pictures to choose from... Even ones that don't show where I lived back then. What about you, Nagi?

Nagi Rokuya: But of course. I was all over Northmare's newspapers for a few weeks after I was born.

Yamato Nikaido: Sure, but do you have pictures you could actually use for the show?

Mitsuki Izumi: They're not so overly fancy that they'll ruin it for the rest of us, are they?

Nagi Rokuya: Hm... Very well, I shall select the most wonderful shot  myself. And what of you, Riku? Will you have trouble preparing a photo?

Riku Nanase: I might have kind of a hard time. Especially if I accidentally pick a picture that's got both me and Tenn-nii in it.

Iori Izumi: Which you will not be doing, obviously.

Riku Nanase: Ugh, I can already tell that you're planning to pick a photo that matches Mitsuki's.

Iori Izumi: I'm not trying to be smug about it, you know.

Riku Nanase: I wonder which photo Tenn-nii will choose. We'll have to meet up and talk about this.

Banri Ogami: Are you sure you can all manage? Especially you, Tamaki-kun and Sogo-kun...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Ah, um... Yeah, probably!

Sogo Osaka: I think I'll be able to work something out, too.

Banri Ogami: Really? If it's too difficult, then you don't have to force it.

Banri Ogami: I know both your family situations are a bit complicated...

Tamaki Yotsuba: We'll be fine! I'll ask the director of the orphanage.

Sogo Osaka: I have the contact information of one of our housekeepers, so I can ask them.

Banri Ogami: Okay, then. Good luck.

Riku Nanase: I can't wait to see what we all looked like when we were little!

Mitsuki Izumi: Same. I'm curious to see how Yaotome might've looked.

Yamato Nikaido: I'm more interested in Inumaru. Do you think his eyes were always that stern?

Nagi Rokuya: Are you asking because your own eyes are the same way?

Yamato Nikaido: Shut it.  

Iori Izumi: I'll contact Kujo-san ahead of time, so we won't have any mishaps with Nanase-san.

Riku Nanase: I can do it myself!

Tamaki Yotsuba: .........

Sogo Osaka: .........

- - - - 

Sogo Osaka: Pictures from our childhood...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Pics from when we were little...

Sogo Osaka: Do you think you'll find one, Tamaki-kun?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Maybe, if they've got some at the orphanage... You?

Sogo Osaka: Maybe, if my father hasn't disposed of them... I wonder how many of them we even had...

Tamaki Yotsuba: You should've told Ban-chan that you're gonna have a hard time finding any.

Sogo Osaka: ...I could say the same to you.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Well yeah, but...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Everyone else was talking about that stuff so normally, and I wanted to seem normal too.

Sogo Osaka: Me too... Even after all this time, I'm still desperate to fit in.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Same. Even though we I know I can talk about this stuff with the guys.

Sogo Osaka: I wonder why that is.

Tamaki Yotsuba: I dunno.

Sogo Osaka: It's not a problem with any of them, or Banri-san. I guess I just don't want them to feel sorry for me...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Maybe that's it for me, too... I don't feel bad about it, but I also don't wanna get in the way of their happiness.

Sogo Osaka: Right. Maybe I'm just feeling awkward, because I didn't grow up like them. I didn't even have one of those Rabitty Dolls.

Tamaki Yotsuba: "Rabitty Dolls"?

Sogo Osaka: That's right. I was only allowed to have toys that would advance my intellectual development.

Tamaki Yotsuba: So-chan, that's not what they're called. Nobody had a "Rabitty Doll".

Sogo Osaka: Oh. What were they called, again?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Rabitty Man. No wait. I mean Rabitty-kun.

Sogo Osaka: Rabitty-kun.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Ooh, ooh!

Sogo Osaka: .....!? What's wrong? Did something get lodged in your throat?

Tamaki Yotsuba: ...No, no! Stop trying to pry my mouth open!!!

Sogo Osaka: It's because you made that groaning noise...

Tamaki Yotsuba: I was just pretending to be Rabitty-kun. Like: "Ooh, ooh! I'm Rabitty!"

Sogo Osaka: Ah, come to think of it, he did say something like that...

Tamaki Yotsuba: I wonder what the "ooh ooh" part's about.

Sogo Osaka: I don't know... Isn't Rabitty-san supposed to react to sounds, lights, and touch?

Sogo Osaka: Maybe he's being overstimulated to the point of excruciating pain, without even realizing it himself...

Tamaki Yotsuba: I don't think he says it 'cause he's in pain... Maybe he just can't get his mouth open?

Sogo Osaka: You think he's been gagged?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Why would anyone gag an innocent bunny toy?

Sogo Osaka: You're the one who said he couldn't open his mouth... In any case, I'll try and get a hold of someone  who might know about my pictures.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Like that housekeeper?

Sogo Osaka: Yes... They might help me, so long as they haven't resigned yet... What will you do?

Tamaki Yotsuba: I'm gonna ask the director. Pretty sure the orphanage's got at least some pics of me. Are you gonna call them right now?

Sogo Osaka: That was my plan.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Ok, I'll go call from my room then.

Sogo Osaka: Alright. Goodnight.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Mmh... But I might come back if my call doesn't work out.

Sogo Osaka: That's fine. We can figure this out together.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Okay. 

- - - -

[Door opens]

Tamaki Yotsuba: ........

Sogo Osaka: You're back. How did it go?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Ooh, ooh.

Sogo Osaka: Is that a groan of pain?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Yep.

Sogo Osaka: My attempt didn't go too well, either. Apparently only my father has access to any of our pictures. The housekeeper had no idea what has become of them.

Tamaki Yotsuba: They had pictures of me, but I'm too old in all of them. Like, thirteen and up.

Sogo Osaka: They had pictures of you when you were thirteen?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Yeah.

Sogo Osaka: Did they send you any?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Nope. The director doesn't know how smartphones work. Why, did you wanna see 'em?

Sogo Osaka: A little bit...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Heh. I think I looked pretty cool back then.  

Sogo Osaka: I think you were probably more cute than cool. You were only thirteen, after all. I just wanted to see a version of you that isn't taller than me.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Well I wanna see how you looked when you were little, too. Like, do you even look anything like that now?

Sogo Osaka: I should hope so, since they are pictures of me.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Heh.

Sogo Osaka: I know, it's pretty funny. In any case, I did find one good lead.

Tamaki Yotsuba: What kinda lead?

Sogo Osaka: One of my father's coworkers does photography for a hobby. He should have taken a picture of me with my uncle.

Sogo Osaka: He's someone very important, so his photos should have survived even after my father got rid of every photo of my uncle.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Your dad must really love throwing pictures away.

Sogo Osaka: I can almost sympathize with him... I wouldn't want to be reminded of such a completely and utterly ruined relationship.

Tamaki Yotsuba: So if MEZZO" disbands, you're gonna delete all your pictures with me in them?

Sogo Osaka: ........

Tamaki Yotsuba: You can't get rid of all of them, though. They're all over the world, in magazines and stuff.

Tamaki Yotsuba: So you're gonna be reminded of me no matter what. Tough luck.

Sogo Osaka: ........ ...That's true.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Ah, that reminds ME!!!

Sogo Osaka: W-what!?

Tamaki Yotsuba: I knew an uncle who took pictures of us, too!

Sogo Osaka: An uncle who took pictures...

Tamaki Yotsuba: Mom liked the family portrait that uncle took so much, she kept it near our TV.

Tamaki Yotsuba: We put that picture in her casket when she died, but if that uncle's got the original data, then he can make another one.

Sogo Osaka: True. Do you know where this uncle lives?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Nope... But Re:vale might.

Sogo Osaka: Re:vale?

Tamaki Yotsuba: Yep. What about you? Can you call that guy who works with your dad?

Sogo Osaka: I don't have the connections to just go talk to him. But I know someone who does.

Tamaki Yotsuba: Who? Ah... You mean that dude?

Sogo Osaka: Why do you look so upset? He's not that bad. Not anymore, at least.

Tamaki Yotsuba: I dunno. He still looks like an evil rich guy to me. 

To be continued...

#idolish7 #anniversary story 2021 #translation #i7 #trigger #re:vale #zool #other translations

[asset35-maya]

Since you are doing birthday prompts.

Tina trying to surprise Connor for his birthday please??

I’ll happily do all prompts and all pairings. But I love the birthday theme we got going! Thanks for the ask and for supporting this rarepair so wholeheartedly @rjhpandapaws

//

🎇CONNOR’S 4TH🎇

Tina had a problem on her hands. A big one. She felt even guiltier about it than all the times she procrastinated on her assignments.

She’d put off making a decision until the very last minute… and then some… and now it was too late to plan anything without being caught.

It was Connor’s activation day. And Tina hadn’t thought to gift him as much as a pair of socks.

She really was the worst girlfriend.

Tina chewed the end of her pencil anxiously as she watched people stop by Connor’s desk one by one to wish him a happy birthday and drop off some small present or the other.

It didn’t seem so hard for them. But then again getting away with a dog or fish-shaped gag gift was easy when you were a colleague rather than a significant other.

Tina found herself questioning whether she knew Connor intimately at all. Why couldn’t she decide what to do for him? Why did only the most cliche and cringeworthy things come to mind? Whyyyy…. couldn’t she pull off a brilliant birthday surprise like the one he’d done for her thirtieth birthday?

The day had begun as per normal. Tina barely managed to squeeze in a quick kiss and birthday wish before Connor hurried them out of bed to get ready for work.

Then the guilt continued to soak through her steadily as the clock ticked on. By lunchtime Tina lost all focus on work and began to spiral.

A loud thunk and the scrape of a chair brought her out of her reverie. Gavin had invited himself to eat his subway sandwich at her desk.

“Do you want half of this footlong, or are you gonna eat that pencil for lunch?”

Tina withdrew the chewed-up writing instrument from her mouth and sighed. Gavin’s eyes flicked over to her briefly before returning to the mustard-drenched mess before him.

“So you forgot his birthday, huh?”

She kicked him under the desk, but he was prepared. He moved his feet out of the way and snickered childishly. Tina was already feeling better as she rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t forget. I just… couldn’t decide what to do for him. Like… what do you get a guy who has everything?”

Gavin had taken a bite of the sandwich but still decided to talk through his mouthful.

“Who shaysh he hash evvything?”

“I mean… he’s an advanced android. There’s not a thing in the world he couldn’t do for himself if he really wanted. I… would have to do something really extraordinary for it to be meaningful to him.”

Tina paused, not so much for introspection, but to hand Gavin a tissue. She moved some paperwork out of the way for good measure. Gavin brushed the crumbs off his face before speaking.

“T, I can see where you’re going with this. As someone who’s been there, done that with Nines. I gotta tell you to stop. Throw that inferiority complex out of the window. Just cause he can add things to an Amazon order cart faster than you doesn’t mean he doesn’t need things… need you…”

Tina looked into the storm green eyes that had grown so warm and kind over the years. There was no trace of the hostility Gavin used to be known for. She softened and leaned closer.

“What should I do? He doesn’t seem to feel particularly strongly about… anything. At least if he hated… I dunno… mustard… then I could avoid getting him a shirt in that colour. Connor is just so neutral about everything.”

Tina waited patiently for Gavin to chew and get though a rather large bite. He helped himself to her bottle of water and swallowed painfully. She grimaced.

“He isn’t neutral about you.”

She looked away.

“I’m serious. He’d set the whole city on fire for you if you asked.”

“If I was into arson, I’d do it myself.”

“Don’t be a smartass, T. What I mean is… you’re his everything. You’re already his birthday present. You don’t have to do anything.”

Tina scowled at him.

“Complacence is literally how 90% of America’s failed relationships end.”

Gavin held up his hands in mock surrender. Ten sticky mustard fingers. But one of them had a silver ring, so maybe he was worth listening to.

“Okay Miss T. What I mean is you don’t have to do anything fancy to win him over. That battle was won a long time ago. Just do something. Anything. With sincerity. And you’ll make him the happiest little droid Detroit has ever seen.”

She nodded slowly.

Gavin crumpled up the piece of paper from his half of the sandwich. He tossed the ball at the wastepaper basket… and missed horribly. He looked back at her as if nothing happened.

“Okay. I was hoping I could guide you to an answer within yourself but clearly you’re hopeless so I’m gonna just share an old hack I learnt in college. Ask him to guess.”

“Huh?”

“Have three options in mind and tell him you’re going on a date. Dress neutral, so that he takes his cue from you, and then ask him to guess where you’re going. Pick the option closest to his guess and boom! Tina Chen wins the award for best girlfriend of the year.”

He nudged her foot with his to get her to look into his eyes when she didn’t respond.

“Hey… it’s okay… don’t worry so much. You and Connor have a really good thing going and a silly birthday surprise isn’t gonna be make or break. Legit.”

Tina met his eye and nodded. A relieved smile broke across Gavin’s face.

“Baby…”

They both looked up to see Connor walking over to Tina’s desk. She stood up automatically and received a well-practiced kiss on her left temple.

“If you’re able to wrap up early, could we go for a long walk today? Head up to sunset point on Belle Isle and spend a bit of time there?”

“Like a picnic? Oh Con, that’s so romantic. I wish I’d thought of that first. I’m so sorry I didn’t plan anything out. I just didn’t know-”

“Babe, I honestly just want to sit on a park bench and hold a middle finger up to Cyberlife Tower if that’s okay with you. It’s kind of become an annual activation day ritual. I was hoping you’d join me?”

Tina put a hand on Connor’s cheek and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him on the mouth while Gavin laughed loudly enough for their colleagues to look around in alarm.

#maya bday ask event #dbh tina chen #dbh connor #tina/connor #contina #haha new ship name in action #dbh gavin #gavin reed #tw: messy sandwich consumption #and plenty of breadcrumbs

[kissinginkitchens]

You Bring Me Home—Chapter Four: You Can Hear it in the Silence

a/n: hello again!! So glad to have you back :) I hope you're all enjoying the story so far. It's been wonderful to read some of your comments and thoughts! I do have to give a special shoutout to @harrysblackcoat and @determined-overthinker for their continued support and feedback, it really means the world to me, so a huge thank you to you both!! I am tremendously grateful for all of you lovely readers and I hope you will enjoy chapter four as much as I enjoyed writing it! As always, my inbox is open, so feel free to drop by and chat with me after reading! Much love, Mel <3

Pairing: Hawai'i!Harry x Original Character

Warnings: swearing, allusions to sexual content

Word Count: 6.7k

read parts one, two, and three 

“You kissed him?” Maleah gasps over FaceTime, her mouth so wide, Alani fears her jaw will detach from its socket. 

She had finally decided to tell her best friend everything, excluding the Rolling Stone details, nearly two days after the last time she had seen Harry. The entire next day had been spent replaying every moment and listening to the recorded interview on her voice notes until the phone battery was completely drained. Alani’s stomach fluttered at the sound of Harry’s voice and it only made her miss him more. The part that she desperately needed her friend’s input on was what had happened immediately before she left. 

“No,” Alani clarifies, quickly. “Well, almost. Maybe—I think,”

“I’ve only been gone a couple of weeks,” Maleah starts, brows furrowed as if her brain is malfunctioning. “And you’re already swooping in on my man?”

Alani feels her cheeks warm but she pushes past it and rolls her eyes. “There is no swooping going on,”

“I don’t know. You two were caught in the rain together, sounds like swooping to me,”

“But that’s the thing,” Alani huffs. “I don’t know what it is. And I don’t know if I’m just making a big deal out of nothing,”

Maleah nods understandingly and pushes any jealousy out of her mind, the love for her best friend winning out. 

“Well, tell me exactly what happened before the kiss,”

“There was no kiss,” Alani emphasizes, thinking back to the last few minutes spent in Harry’s car. 

The sun had already set when the two of them arrived at her house, leaving little light in the already darkly tinted Range Rover. But even in the darkness, Alani could see the intensity in Harry’s eyes. Their bodies had been close enough in the confined space that she could feel the warmth radiating from him, and his vanilla scent enveloped her in an intoxicating haze. For a moment, her eyes had darted to his plush lips and she imagined what it would feel like to close the space between them. She could have sworn that he had done the same, finding his eyes wandering just below the tip of her nose when she looked up. Before anything could happen, however, she found herself reaching for the door handle and stepping into the crisp night sky. 

“But did you want him to kiss you?” Maleah questions. 

Alani waits a beat, but she doesn’t have to think about the answer. “Yes,”

“Well there you go!” her friend responds enthusiastically. “Problem solved,”

“Problem not solved,” Alani corrects. “What about the fact that he’s, like, famous? I mean what happens when he has to go back to L.A. or London or whatever?”

“Woah, woah, woah, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,”

Alani anxiously nibbles on the skin of her lower lip, not stopping even when she tastes blood. “But it’s true—” 

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to think about it right now,” Maleah assures her. “What if you just let things happen and… enjoy it for what it is?”

Alani doesn’t miss the double meaning in the last part. “Mi, you and I both know that I’ve never been one to just enjoy it for what it is,”

“I know this, and I love you,” Maleah starts slowly. “But as your best friend—and I say this with nothing but love—you need to get laid, for real,”

Alani groans, slumping further into her mattress. “But what if that’s all he wants? I just don’t think I’m ready for that,”

“And that’s perfectly fine,” her friend coos. “But from what you’ve told me so far, it doesn’t sound like that’s all he’s after,”

Alani considers this for a moment before Maleah continues. 

“Look, let’s start with something simple: do you like him? I mean, do you like spending time with him and just generally being around him?”

“Yes,”

“Then start there,” Maleah suggests. “You can enjoy someone’s company without making it romantic, it’s just friendship. Don’t put pressure on something that you’re not ready for, or something that might not even be there,”

Alani feels a small weight lifted off her shoulders and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, no you’re right I shouldn’t psych myself out over something that didn’t even happen. I mean, for all I know he has a girlfriend,”

She waits a beat before a new concern enters her mind. “Wait, does he have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t know,” 

“Well even if he does, it doesn’t matter,” Alani reaffirms. “Because we’re just friends,”

“When are you gonna see him again?” her friend asks. 

Alani stomach drops. In all her concentration of the past, she hadn’t even considered what will happen when she has to face him again. “I don’t know,”

“Who initiated the last hang out?”

“He did,” Alani admits, thinking back to the hours he had spent reading in the café until her shift was over. 

Maleah hums. “Well then it looks like the ball’s in your court,”

Alani is quiet for a moment, which her friend takes as her cue to offer some more reassurance. 

“I’m sorry I don’t have more answers for you, Nani, but it’s gonna be okay. Promise, ” 

Alani sighs, kneeling to look out the window next to her bed. 

“No, Mi, it’s okay. I really appreciate you just being there, it means a lot,”

“Of course, babes. Keep me updated.”

“Will do.”

The call ends and Alani continues watching the palm trees sway in the wind. Will do—the very same last words that she had spoken to Harry that night. Her mind wanders back to the moment right before she had opened the door to escape and plays out an alternative scenario. What would have happened if she had leaned just an inch closer? 

********

Harry pinches his lower lip between his index finger and thumb. Will do, he repeats in his mind— two words that he never knew could carry so much weight. 

“I said ‘I think Manchester United is shit,’” Nick Grimshaw says loudly, shrugging at Mitch and Jeff Bhasker when his plan doesn’t work. “I dunno, that should’ve gotten him,”

“Oh hey, Alani,” Mitch speaks into his phone loud enough for Harry to hear. This piques the singer’s attention immediately, his heart racing. “Yeah he’s right here,” 

“What the fuck?” Harry questions, zeroing in on Mitch. 

“Who’s Alani?” Nick teases with eyebrows raised into his hairline. 

Harry springs from his seat and corners Mitch, who holds his phone above his head. “Gimme the phone!”

“Hello,” Nick interrupts, watching the struggle continue. “Feeling neglected here, who’s Alani?”

The guitarist ducks and sprints to the opposite wall, Harry chasing close behind. They hop from couch to couch and swerve around fragile equipment while Mitch snickers and guards his phone close. Harry had no idea why Alani was calling and why she hadn’t reached out to him directly, but he’s dying to hear her voice again and is growing increasingly frustrated with his friend’s antics. 

“Mitchell, stop fuckin’ around!”

“I’m sorry,” he relents, holding out the phone with an amused laugh. “It wasn’t her, wrong number,”

Harry huffs and returns to his seat disappointedly, a guitar resting in his lap. Nick, who had only been able to drop in for the weekend due to his busy schedule at the BBC, narrows his eyes at both boys before speaking up again. 

“Once again, no one has answered my question.”

“She’s just a girl he’s been hanging out with,” Jeff explains nonchalantly. “He wants to have her babies.”

“Don’t,” Harry warns. 

Despite already having his fun, Mitch can’t resist adding on. “It’s none of our business… but I’ve heard a summer wedding is in the works.”

“I’m gonna go drink now,” Harry announces, standing. “And none of you fuckers are invited.”

He wanders down the hallway and into the kitchen, immediately reaching for the tequila. Is it too early for margaritas? he wonders before deciding that he wants a second opinion.  No new texts are displayed on his phone screen, much to his disappointment, but he decides to open the messages app anyway. He carefully types in Alani’s name and writes, then re-writes, the text several times before pressing send. As soon as the tag reads “delivered”, his body is filled with apprehension, but there’s no turning back. 

Harry: Is 10 a.m. too early for margaritas?

There’s a minute of silence, then two, and Harry turns his phone face down onto the counter to reach for the ingredients. It dings just as he opens the bottle of tequila and he immediately lunges for it. 

Alani: Never. Morning margs were invented for a reason. 

Relief. He quickly types out a risky response. 

Harry: Any chance I can convince you to join me?

He stares at the screen, willing the “delivered” to turn into a “read,” but it doesn’t budge. His lips ghost over the rim of the tequila bottle before he bites the bullet and takes a sip. 

Alani: Working :( sorry. Another time maybe. 

Defeat. He knows that “another time maybe” is a polite “never.” Another swig of tequila down the hatch. 

Harry: Yeah, no worries. 

Alani sets her phone down on her nightstand and brings the duvet up to her chin. She hopes with every muscle in her body that Harry doesn’t show up to the restaurant, though if he’s planning on drinking, perhaps she’s safe. Maybe I should do the same. She wonders, thinking about the rosé her mom keeps in the cupboard for special occasions. Surely heartache must be a good enough reason to crack it open. Regardless, Alani doesn’t think she has the stomach to keep it down at the present. 

********

Harry pushes the remaining peas around on his plate with the prongs of his fork. His chin rests in the heel of his hand. 

“And then I said ‘what’s the difference?’” his manager remarks, sending the rest of the group into a fit of wild laughter. 

“You’re so fucking stupid.” Mitch comments through a chuckle. 

The laughter slowly dies down and their eyes all wander to Harry who hasn’t budged for the past twenty-five minutes. They exchange worried glances, and Jeff begins to wonder if  his initial advice for Harry to go out with Alani was a mistake. 

“Hey, H,” he begins gently. “You feelin’ alright?”

Harry looks up from his plate and musters his best fake smile. “Yeah, jus’ tired,”

It was partially true; the crew had spent their entire afternoon at Honoli’i Beach practicing their surfing, though it was mostly unsuccessful for Harry—his life seemed to be a series of wipe-outs these days. 

“I’m gonna go watch a Rom-Com in my room,” he announces, standing with his plate. “Probably doze off.”

The group exchanges “good nights” before Harry saunters down the hall to his room. Settling into the bed, he flicks through the movie selection and clicks on one that he knows by heart. He contemplates texting Alani again, scrolling through their brief conversation from three days ago. Against his better judgment, he types out another message and presses send. 

Harry: Opinion on The Notebook?

He waits, attention briefly occupied by Rachel McAdams until the phone dings. 

Alani: A classic, though not as good as Dirty Dancing if I’m being honest. 

The corners of his mouth curl and he immediately types out another response. 

Harry: You have a problem with The Goss?

Alani snorts, planting her spoon into the pint of strawberry ice cream to reply. 

Alani: First, I have many gripes about you referring to Ryan Gosling as “The Goss”. Second, I was actually rooting for Lon Hammond, but maybe that’s just because I’m partial to James Marsden. And third, the scene where Baby and Johnny are dancing alone in his room. That’s all I have to say. 

Harry hums, hanging on every word. 

Harry: Confession: I’ve never actually seen Dirty Dancing…

Alani: We need to change that immediately. 

His heart pounds. So she didn’t plan on ghosting him forever. 

Harry: So Lon Hammond, that’s your type? 

Alani doesn’t know why she finds it unsettling that Harry steers the conversation away from any possible talk of them hanging out again. She reminds herself that she had been the one to decline his invitation for margaritas and shovels another scoop of ice cream into her mouth. 

Alani: Kind, supportive, successful, handsome? Yeah, I’d say so. Not to mention he forgave Allie for cheating. 

Harry: But Noah built her a house. Her dream house, I might add. 

Alani: I’m not discrediting Noah, I love a grand romantic gesture as much as the next person. Just think Lon deserved better. 

Harry grins, entirely ignoring the movie at this point. Grand romantic gestures, he notes, good to know. 

Harry: And what about the fact that Noah wrote it all down and reads their literal love story to her every time she forgets?

Alani: Maybe he deserves some rights for that. 

Alani taps the spoon against her lower lip and thinks about Cecily’s words. Just let things happen. She desperately wants to, but she doesn’t know how. The thought of getting too close only to let it all slip through her fingers is too overwhelming, so she starts with something simple: do you like spending time with him? Alani doesn’t think she could enjoy anything more. Her mind wanders back to the passenger seat of Harry’s car and the image of his wrist draped over the steering wheel, lower lip captured between his fingers. She had noted this tick early on and found it endlessly endearing. Save for the awkward fifteen minutes of their very first interview, their conversations all seemed to come so easily. Alani enjoys his quick wit and the way he speaks slowly, as if carefully weighing each word. She likes that even though the entire reason for their relationship is for her to learn all that she possibly can about him, he makes an equal effort to get to know her. Alani compares Harry’s sincere reaction to hearing that she was a journalist to David’s snarky remark. Harry had believed in her from the get-go—he had trusted her. He makes her feel seen and known. Isn’t that what it means to be loved? To be known? His words echo in her mind. 

Harry: How’s the article going?

Alani’s stomach drops. Fuck. In all her contemplation over the almost kiss, she had forgotten the truth behind her motives. She had lied. Harry had trusted her, and she had lied. Not yet, she thinks, I haven’t lied yet. It would only be a lie if she submits the article to Rolling Stone. Her throat tightens. But I’m so close. She thinks about telling him, but quickly shuts the thought down when she considers that she still doesn’t have enough material and can’t afford to risk it now. This is her chance, there’s no doubt about it. Why else would the universe have planted a world famous rockstar right at her feet just when she had decided to give up for good? Alani had to at least try, she owed it to herself, and she reasons that if Harry really cares about her, he will understand. He would have to. 

Alani: It’s going. 

Harry: Can I get a sneak peek anytime soon?

Alani: Soon. Good night, Harry. 

She sends the last text and sets her phone face down next to her. If she was going to do this, she had to do it right—even if it meant putting some space between the two of them. She owed that much to Harry. 

He sinks further into the mattress, not understanding what he had said or done wrong, but he grants Alani her space, anyway.  

Harry: Good night Alani. 

********

“You’re listening to KWPX The Wave and that was the latest single from Ariana Grande,”

Alani stops fiddling with the radio and sits back with a defeated huff. She had been in a rut with her own music lately and after spending nearly fifteen minutes in her driveway shuffling through songs, she decided to turn on the radio and leave it up to fate.

“Next up is a song from everyone’s favorite ex-boyband: One Direction,”

Goddamnit, Alani groans. She had forgotten what a bitch fate could be. 

“Now, I have to say, DeeDee,” the radio DJ starts. “I was personally heartbroken to hear the news, and I know my daughters were too,”

“Oh definitely,” DeeDee replies. “And I can’t help but wonder what this means for all of them. I mean, what do you think they’re up to these days?”

The first DJ gives a snide chuckle before he continues. “Probably doing what every twenty-something year old millionaire does: booze, cruise, and schmooze—the pretty girls, especially,”

Alani scoffs, rolling her eyes at his insinuation. She had begun to resent all of the gossip and speculation surrounding Harry’s whereabouts, especially after learning how much privacy meant to him. Moreover, she hated the twinge of jealousy that coursed through her veins at the thought of him with another girl. Alani supposes that it wasn’t entirely out of the question since they were far from romantically involved. While he had occupied her mind over the past few weeks, she knew that it was highly unlikely that he paid her the same attention. The thought still brings bile to her mouth. 

“Well whatever they’re up to, one thing seems to be pretty clear,” DeeDee speaks up again. “All eyes will be on Harry Styles. I mean, he’s really the one to watch in all of this, isn’t he?”

“I think you’re right. I’m curious to see what he’s got in store. Maybe he’ll join Justin Timberlake and Nick Jonas with the ex-boyband buzz cut. But without further ado, here’s Drag Me Down.”

Alani knows that she’ll have to talk to Harry eventually; over the past week and a half, she had dodged every invitation to hang out, left cut and dry responses to all of his texts, and even ducked into the restaurant’s walk-in fridge when he unexpectedly showed up one afternoon. While the temptation to indulge his friendly advances was high, professional boundaries needed to be established. She had already begun working on the article with material from the two previous interviews—and it wasn’t half bad—but there was still so much of the story to fill in. If Alani was going to make it all worthwhile, she had to keep digging and do it fast; she couldn’t afford to let her personal feelings get in the way.  

Her car sputters slightly as she heads south on Mamalahoa Highway and the radio fades in and out. Alani checks all of her gauges—she had made sure that the gas tank was full before leaving—and doesn’t see anything unusual. A few miles later, it jerks again before coming to a complete stop. 

“Fuck,” she cries, pounding her palms against the steering wheel. “No, no, no, no, no!”

Alani waits a moment before turning the key again, but the engine refuses to start. She whips her phone out of the cupholder and scrolls through her contact list. 

Pua—no license.

Maleah—out of town. 

Dad—also out of town, catering a wedding in Oahu. 

Mom—probably scrubbed in on a major, life-saving surgery. 

She continues scrolling until her finger lands on a name that makes her heart race and sink at the same time. 

Harry Styles—no. 

There’s no way she can justify calling him, not after giving him the cold shoulder all week. If texting back and forth was unprofessional, then asking to be rescued off the side of the road surely crossed several boundaries. Alani scans her surroundings, shielding her eyes from the blinding afternoon sun. There isn’t a car or person in sight for miles—what other choice does she have? With shaking fingers, she dials the number and presses the phone to her ear. Harry answers after the third ring. 

“Hello?” he responds loudly over the sound of cymbals crashing and laughter in the background. 

“Hi,” Alani greets, raising her voice to be heard. “It’s Alani,”

She hears shuffling on the other end and then Harry’s voice, softer this time. 

“Oh hey. How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

Harry senses that something is off, but he’s glad to hear from Alani, nevertheless. His friends continue their antics in the studio, despite his silent gestures to knock it off, so he heads outside. 

“Uh, yeah I’m fine. S’good to hear from you,” he offers shyly. 

Alani’s chest tightens. 

“Ditto,” she replies. “Hey listen, um, I’m kind of in a bit of trouble I—” 

She hesitates. What the hell am I doing? 

“I need your help,”

Harry’s heart sinks, immediately filled with worry. 

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she reassures him. “It’s my car,”

“Where are you?”

“The highway, southbound. Just past exit 243, I think,”

“I’m on my way,”

“Thank you,” Alani offers gently. “Really, thank you.”

A soft smile spreads across Harry’s lips. “Anytime.”

He arrives in a pink Cadillac fifteen minutes later, pulling over behind Alani. She doesn’t recognize the car and  her confusion only deepens when a man with short-cropped hair emerges. As he approaches, a wave of recognition and relief washes over her. 

“Harry?”

“Hey,” he greets, walking up to the driver’s side. “Need a lift?”

Alani’s mouth hangs open ever so slightly, scanning his new appearance. He looks like a completely different person than the one she remembers, and he has the faintest trace of stubble above his lip and jaw. 

“You cut your hair,”

“I did,” he confirms. 

“It’s so short,”

“Do you like it?”

“Of course I do,” Alani offers with a light laugh, feeling flustered under his gaze. “I mean it looks great, really suits you. Not that it matters what I think, it’s your hair,”

But it did matter. Everything she did, or didn’t do, said, and didn’t say��� it all mattered to him for reasons he couldn’t quite explain. And it mattered more than she would ever know. 

“So Stevie quit on you?”

Alani sighs. “I don’t know what’s wrong, honestly. All of the gauges look fine and I filled the tank this morning,”

Harry asks her to pop the hood and makes his way to the front of the Bronco. He looks around, not seeing any smoke or trace of other issues, though his knowledge of cars isn’t as comprehensive as he’d like in this situation. 

Alani joins him, doing her own scan over the inside of the hood despite the fact that she has no idea what to look for. Her eyes wander to Harry’s strong hands as they prod the various bells and whistles, and she notices the way his tanned skin glistens under the sun. The cross pendant nestled behind his white t-shirt escapes when he leans over, swinging like a mesmerizing pendulum. 

“I called a tow truck,” he says standing with his hands on his hips. “Should be here soon,”

“I’ll pay you back,” Alani offers quickly, her throat dry. 

Harry waves her concern away with a hand and places the hood back. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re okay,”

“I really owe you one,” she says appreciatively. 

He leans against the car with his arms crossed, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Have lunch with me and we’ll call it even.”

“Deal.”

The tow truck arrives ten minutes later and the driver gathers all of Alani’s information, letting her know which mechanic the car will be taken to and when she can pick it up. She sighs watching Stevie pull away down the road and imagines the dent it’ll make in her savings. Harry nudges her gently, motioning for her to get in his car. 

“New ride?” she questions, running her fingers over the cotton candy paint. 

“It belongs to the owner of the studio,” he explains. “All of the cars do except the Rover, she’s a rental. But Jeff took her out to get us lunch,”

“I’m so sorry for interrupting your plans,” Alani apologizes. And for kind of ghosting you, she thinks. 

Harry shakes his head, shifting the gear between them. “Nah, you didn’t interrupt, we were just messing around. But I am curious to know what brought you all the way out here on a Tuesday afternoon. Skipping town?”

Alani giggles at the way he says “Tuesday,” but responds despite the curious look he flashes her. “Day off. I was gonna go to the beach,”

“Bummer,” Harry offers, thanking every deity that he can name. “We could still go,”

“Your friends won’t be mad?”

“They’ll be fine,”

Alani nods, her eyes studying the orange checkers on her trousers.

“What’re you hungry for?” Harry speaks up. 

She thinks for a moment and is reminded of her original plans. “I could go for some sushi,”

“Know any good places?”

“Yeah, I’ll show you,” Alani’s curious gaze falls to the glove box before her, immediately wondering what’s inside. “Do you think the owner will be mad if I open this?”

Harry glances down at what she’s pointing to and shakes his head. “Knock yourself out,”

Alani pulls down the hatch and reaches inside; her fingers make contact with what feels like a pair of glasses. When her hand re-emerges with a pair that are pink and heart-shaped, she smiles. 

“They have good taste,” she comments, putting them on. 

Harry looks over and flashes a wide grin, the dimple that Alani has become so fond of emerging. 

“Look good on you,”

“Try them on,” Alani suggests, handing them over. 

He obliges and pushes his own pair up to make room for the other lenses. 

“What d’you think?”

“I think you should keep them,” she says. “They suit you.”

And they really do; they compliment his face well and hint to the fun, easygoing parts of his personality that Alani has recently discovered. 

She directs him to her favorite sushi spot near Bayfront Park, which is buzzing per usual. After they’ve been seated on the patio outside, Harry tucks the heart-shaped sunglasses into his t-shirt and contemplates addressing the elephant in the room: the ghosting. He doesn’t want to spook her, though,  so he decides to pose the question lightly, but Alani speaks before he has the chance. 

“So what’s with the haircut?”

Harry blinks, clearing his throat before he responds. “You hate it,”

“No!” She defends. “I like it, really, it looks great,”

“You wouldn’t bring it up if you didn’t absolutely hate it,” he teases in mock offense. 

Alani rolls her eyes, a playful smile spreading across her face. “It just seems like a huge step and I’m curious, that’s all,”

He considers this, deciding to stop giving her a hard time, and responds. “Well if you must know, it’s for an audition,”

“For?”

“A movie,”

“A movie?” Alani’s eyes grow wide. “You’re gonna be in a movie?”

“Maybe,” he clarifies. “Dunno yet,”

“Wow,”

Harry leans forward, his elbows resting on the table. “What have you been up to? Any life changing decisions?”

Alani shrugs. “Same old. Work, my summer class,”

“And how’s your family?” he asks, which catches her off guard. 

“Good. My sister’s… a moody teenager. My dad is catering a big wedding in Oahu right now. Mom’s saving lives like the badass woman she is,”

Harry laughs lightly at her comment and Alani tries to store the soundbite in the back of her mind for safe keeping.

“What about yours?” she questions. 

“Fine, yeah. Mum’s good, so’s Gemma. Talk to them at least once a week just to check in,”

He pauses to take a sip of his water before continuing. “Ever since I was about...ten, maybe, ‘ve had this feeling like—protect mum at all costs. But she’s strong, has the greatest heart,”

Alani finds it sweet that Harry speaks so highly of Anne. Her own mom had always told her that a lot can be said about the character of a man by the way he treats his mother. 

“I’m sure she misses having you around,” Alani comments, thinking of her own close relationship with her mom. “I don’t know if I could let my child leave home as early as you did,”

Harry brushes the tip of his nose with a knuckle and nods. “Was kinda hard at first, but she’s always been really supportive.”

“I bet she’s really proud.”

He offers a shy smile in response, scanning the scenery around them. 

“I’m sure your family’s proud of you too.”

Alani and Harry continue their light conversation through the entire meal, sharing stories about their families and childhood. She finds herself wishing that  she could have met a teenaged Harry, pre-fame and general world domination. He enjoys her anecdotes, soaking up every detail that he possibly can as if his life depends on it. The two of them go back and forth well after the meal is finished, only pausing when the waitress stops to check on them. 

“Maybe we should go,” Alani suggests, checking her phone for the time. “I always hate when customers stay for hours,”

“Just like I did the first time at the café?” he asks, putting his signature on the bill. 

Alani feels her cheeks warm and she quickly back pedals. “No! I mean—well, yeah, kinda—”

“And the truth comes out!”

“I was just annoyed because my sister kept bugging me to fill up your water. She was afraid you were gonna, like, get dehydrated and die or something.”

“Tell her I appreciate the concern.”

Alani laughs lightly, feeling a bit of relief when the breeze soothes her burning cheeks. The two of them make their way back into the restaurant and out the main entrance, padding down the boardwalk side by side. Harry never knows what to do with his hands, usually opting to stuff them into his pockets as he hurries down a busy street,  but he desperately wishes to occupy them a different way. His pinky involuntarily brushes the back of Alani’s hand, but he pulls away quickly to avoid freaking her out. She wishes he hadn’t. 

“What were you gonna do at the beach?” he asks to break the ice. 

She thinks for a moment, watching the different couples huddled together on the beach. “Relax, get some air. Do a little reading,”

“What’re you reading?”

“Currently this book about Laurel Canyon in California and some of the musicians who lived there during the 60s. You might like it,”

Harry’s brow raises. “Think so?”

“Yeah, it’s got Joni, Crosby, Stills, and Nash, Mamas and the Papas, all those guys. They talk about their experiences of coming to terms with rapidly growing fame, the reality of the peace and love movement, the collaborative process. Seems like something you might find interesting—relatable, even,”

"I’ll check it out,” Harry promises with a nod. 

Alani smiles gently and refocuses her attention on the horizon. “So what were you gonna do today?”

“Not much,” Think about you. “But speaking of books and stuff, I‘ve been meaning to ask. When you become, you know, the next Pulitzer Prize winner, do I get to be your plus one?”

She scoffs, squinting under the bright sun to look up at him. “I don’t know, I have to make it first,”

“And what does ‘making it’ mean to you?” Harry had been trying to re-define success, himself, and was curious to hear Alani’s thoughts on the subject.

She ponders the question for a minute, adjusting the straps of her orange tank-top to occupy her anxious fingers. “Move to New York, work for some big publication, something like that,”

“New York?” he asks, slightly taken aback. “And leave all this behind?”

“I think I’d like the change,” Alani reasons. “I love it here more than anything, but I think I’ve gotta make my own way, my own decisions. My grandma used to say that you ‘gotta swim before you drown because the ocean’s too vast and too interesting to get stuck treading water in the same place,’”

Harry nods, understandingly. “Wise woman,”

“Carolina,” Alani says, using the Spanish pronunciation that sounds like music to Harry’s ears. “That was her name, I was named after her,”

“Middle name?”

“Yeah,” she clarifies. “I’m half Mexican on my mom’s side,”

He hums. “Ever been?”

“To Mexico?” Alani asks, proceeding when he nods. “Yeah. Once when I was like, five, we went to Xcaret for my aunt’s wedding,”

“It’s beautiful there,” Harry notes. 

“What’s your favorite place that you’ve been to?” Alani questions, imagining all the stamps that must be in Harry’s passport. 

He thinks for a moment, a hum buzzing low in his throat as he sifts through his memory. “Probably Italy,”

“Lucky,” Alani muses, picturing the Gothic cathedrals that she longs to visit. 

“You’d like it there.” Harry says, truly believing it. A part of him felt that she belonged in every beautiful place he could think of. 

The two of them walk in silence for a few moments, each taking time to scope out the view around them. Alani sees a couple leaned against a staircase railing, looking deep in conversation, though probably not a pleasant one. 

“You think they’re breaking up?” Alani asks gently, nodding her head in their direction. “Or just having the talk?”

Harry scans the scenery before his eyes land on the pair that she's referring to. “Ah yes, the talk. Ye olde chat,”

“What do you think you’d be if you weren’t a musician?” She poses suddenly. He laughs to himself at the way Alani jumps from topic to topic and reasons that her mind must always be going a mile a minute. 

“A virgin,” Harry jokes, hoping that it’ll land. When she lets out a sudden, bright laugh, he looks over in relief. 

“God, you are so…” Alani trails off, shaking her head.

 He waits to see if she’ll finish the statement, but he doesn’t think she will. Truthfully, she doesn’t know what to say. The more Alani learns about Harry, the more he seems to surprise her. One minute he can be serious and thoughtful. The next, a ray of sunshine—aloof and carefree. She finds herself anticipating his every move, every word, and loving each minute that he allows her to. It makes her head spin at times, but she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

They journey down to the shore and discard their shoes in favor of feeling the cool sand beneath their toes. Alani tells Harry about the sea glass collection she had as a child, and he makes a mental note to scan the ground for any pieces she might like. She asks him if the beaches are nice in England, to which he responds a hard “no” compared to the ones in Hawaii or California. A couple of children splash in the shallow water nearby, and Alani doesn’t miss the fond look in Harry’s eye as he watches. Eventually, they wander back up to the main boardwalk when they spot a group of people  happily sipping milkshakes. Harry noticed her eyes following them, practically drooling, so he suggested it before she had to. 

“Want some?” Alani asks, her mouth full of strawberry. 

Harry gladly accepts, taking a sip from the straw that she holds out to him. He hums, letting the taste sit on his tongue before he offers  his own cup full of vanilla. She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear before leaning over for a taste. The flavor is sweet and comforting to her, despite popular opinion that it’s boring. Alani swipes her tongue across her lower lip and thinks for a moment that this is what his mouth must taste like. She wishes she could verify this thought. 

“I’m really glad you got the strawberry,” he notes, stirring his drink with the straw. “I was having a serious crisis over what to get,”

“When in doubt, always go with the pink one,” Alani says, tapping her temple, and suddenly Harry remembers that the contents of her bag were all various shades of bubble gum and dusty rose. 

“It’s the only true rock ‘n roll color,” he offers, taking another sip of his milkshake. 

“Paul Simonon?” she questions with narrowed eyes, instantly recognizing his reference to a quote from The Clash’s bassist.  

“Nothing gets past you.”

********

The clouds above start to resemble puffs of cotton candy, signaling that the day will soon draw to a close much to both Harry and Alani’s dismay. They lounge in the pink Cadillac, which is parked in an area that overlooks the entire beach, and take turns picking out the one lie amongst two truths about one another; it was a game that Harry had proposed. 

“Is it,” Alani starts, her lower lip caught between her teeth. “The four nipples?”

Harry makes a buzzer sound effect through his own laughter, temple resting against his fist as his arm drapes over the seat. 

“Wrong-o, sorry,”

“What?!” she exclaims, eyes wide. “You’re messing with me,”

“Am not,” he defends proudly. 

Alani lets out a surprised chuckle, fighting the urge to let her eyes wander below his neck. “I don’t believe you,”

“I’d prove it,” he shrugs. “But then I’d have to flash you,”

“Guess we’ll never know, then,” 

Their laughter settles down and the only sound between them is the crashing of waves in the distance. Harry lets his eyes trail down the slope of Alani’s nose to her cupid’s bow—dangerous territory. Little does he know, Alani does the same, noting the fact that his lips are heart-shaped and the perfect shade of strawberry. How sickeningly charming, she thinks. Her eyes lift back to Harry’s and there’s something hidden behind the sea-glass that she can’t quite read. The air becomes charged and the two of them are like magnets, drawn inexplicably towards one another. Alani inches closer, her heart pounding so violently in her chest, she’s afraid that he can hear it. The sound of his own blood rushing in his ears prevents this, however, as he leans in too. The space between them gets smaller, eyes fluttering shut in anticipation, when the high pitched ringing of Alani’s phone sends her jolting backward. Harry curses every deity that he can name. 

“Hello?” she responds, turning her back to him. She listens for a minute, a soft “mhmm” escaping every few seconds. “Okay, yes, I’ll be there. Thank you,” 

Alani dreads having to turn back to Harry and face the consequences of whatever lines were almost crossed. She chooses to simply ignore it all together, as if no time had passed between his shocking personal revelation and the ringing of her phone. 

“Stevie’s ready.” she says weakly. 

Harry swallows down his frustration and offers a polite smile. “Let’s go get her.”

The mechanic shop is twenty minutes from the beach; Harry and Alani spend the entire ride in silence. Neither of them address the almost kiss despite the fact that it hangs over their heads like a raincloud of uncertain emotion. She occupies her gaze with the scenery whizzing past while he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Alani mourns the fact that their little bubble had been popped so soon, but she figures that it’s for the best. Don’t get attached, she reminds herself. Easier said than done. Harry also wallows in the aftermath of the interruption, wishing he had acted sooner. When they finally arrive at the shop, the mechanic reveals that the cause of her car troubles was a simple dead battery. Harry offers to foot the bill, but Alani refuses, deciding that she shouldn’t accept any more favors from him in order to restore the boundary. 

“So I guess this is where we part ways,” Alani says gently, toying with her keys. 

Harry scans his brain for something—anything—a single excuse to see her again, and soon. He doesn’t think he can take another week and a half of icy silence and he has a suspicion that she can’t either. After all, she had leaned in, too—hadn’t she?

“There’s this thing,” he blurts out. “A sort of jam sesh at the studio tomorrow night. There’s gonna be booze, otherwise I’d tell you to bring your sister. But I’d love for you to come, and I think it might be good for—the article, or something,”

Alani weighs the pros and cons in her mind, one of which he had already mentioned: a chance to listen to what he’s working on. It seemed professional and innocent enough, not to mention the fact that there’d be other people around to keep them in check. Once she decides it’s safe, she nods. 

“Okay, sure,”

“I can pick you up,” Harry offers. 

Alani shakes her head gently and offers a shy smile. “No, that's okay. Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there.”

They exchange good-byes and Alani thanks him for coming to her rescue, to which he offers a modest shrug. Harry speeds down the highway and back to the house, but three words linger in the silence. 

I’ll be there.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles writing #harry styles x oc #harry styles fluff #solo harry #one direction #harry fic #ybmh #sooo :))) how we feelin now

[nachohypno]

Pine’s Football Jocks (Rewritten) - Ch. 2

Little heads up: This one is a weird thing. It’s a rewritten version of the original Pine’s Football Jocks, but it contains spoilers for the college series, so it should still be read after reading the other ones (Original included) first, like a sequel.

------

Present Pine's POV 

I had an awful day. Nothing bad really happened, just a lot of stuff to do and me not being capable of doing it all. Skipping today's football practice, I had to take a bus to the sports club and check out that everything was working out (Hah, see what I did there?) with the coaches that were working today. I needed more employees? Yes. But keeping up with the maintenance while still having to do my college essays during my free times was actual hell.

I think I'm smart enough to keep being one of the best of my class (Spot that I'm afraid I'll lose soon), but I don't have enough energy to do all of this at once.

I'm not going to lie, these many responsibilities are *burning me out*. I'm heavily considering giving up the football team back to Peter (Of course, keeping him under control and checked), or set a new manager for the sports club. It's a hard choice, but I'm not going to stop studying to keep track of those two little jobs I got for myself. I also love those jocks way too much to let them go.

Have you spent an evening with them? The revamped football team is lovely! They're always joking around and being nice whenever they're not on the field or studying. Gotta spread the jock love around the campus, right?

Taking care of Mike wasn't an easy task either. The big guy was heavily expecting news to know if he would be able to play again without any risks, or if he'd have to focus completely on getting his college degree.

Mikey wasn't used to being restricted before, he's the physical kind of guy and likes to spend a good amount of time working out or playing sports, or chilling in a physical kind of way. Videogames could keep him entertained, but only so much.

So, he went back to his other favorite hobby...

I sat on the couch, leaving my laptop on my lap readying myself to check out some documents, and suddenly heard an awfully loud fart. Jumping up again, I realized I had sat on Mike's whoopee cushion. A loud laugh could be heard from the couch. 

"Never gets old! I was wondering how much you would take to sit on that one spot, because filling the couch with whoopee cushions would be quite expensive!" He said while walking into the room, as I took the cushion and threw it at him, but the shot failed awfully.

The guy was wearing a football jersey that looked like a pajama shirt without the armor underneath it. It still managed to make his pecs stand out a bit, which made me take the work off my mind for a bit and I was thankful for that.

I tried to be comprehensive, it was either that or watch his football team play without him while he's on the bench. Or study, but that was always slow and boring for him when he’s not ordered to do so. 'Nothing better than being stuck in here, with an amazing boyfriend, and just being able to read books about biology' He'd say, jokefully, trying to take a bright look at his situation.

I thought about hiring him as one of the club's trainers, since he has a good amount of knowledge on the matter, already helps anyone who'd ask him nicely, and he wouldn't need to make a lot of effort with his bad arm!

...Better than having him prank me all day, I guess. Or laying around while groaning ‘I’m boreeeeeeeed…’

Loud steps and he jumped over the couch to sit down beside me. “Hey there, bro. How was your day? Went to my classes and did all my homework already. Need help with anything?”

“Not really, just gotta finish examining these documents Peter forwarded me and I’ll be done for the day” Just a bit longer and I would be free from work!

“Did coach Peter mention something about me? Maybe he can pull some strings and allow me to… I dunno, take a magic drug that’ll heal my arm and make me into a super soldier?” I can see he has been watching movies lately.

“You know what the doctor said. Just a few more weeks and-”

He rolled his eyes. "C'moooon, just a few more weeks could be enough for that temporary quarterback to steal my spot!" He's so paranoid about that.

"Who's the coach?" I asked him, pushing my glasses back into place.

"You are, bro, but-"

"Thus, who has the final choice about who plays and who doesn't?" I didn't try to sound dominant, but it kind of came out like that on its own.

"You do, sir." Mike answered, sounding a bit defeated. I motioned him to come closer, and he did, then I grabbed his hand and pulled him in to lay on my lap (Being careful and leaving the laptop beside me to make room for him).

"Just relax, let your arm get better, then you'll be back on the field in no time, alright?" I whispered to him, trying to sound confident. A little kiss on his lips, and he nodded.

"Sure, whatever you say." He sighed.

I ruffled his hair. "Good boy, now... Want to hear the rest of the story? You fell asleep yesterday" Maybe that would get his mind off things again. It seemed to make wonders yesterday.

"Really? Oh, fuck. Where were we?" Mike asked, scratching the back of his head nervously. "I remember the outing, I went to change, then we resumed with some time later on?"

"Before I got my powers, yeah." I finished, turning around from him and looking for the doc file on my laptop. "Well, take a seat. I have some time so we can continue the story where we left it..."

As I grabbed my laptop, Mike got up and positioned himself belly down on the couch, occupying the rest of available space while getting comfortable (He kind of didn’t fit while doing that, so he had to keep his legs up to actually fit his whole torso on the couch).

I chuckled, before leaving the laptop on my lap again and looking over for the spot I left it at yesterday...

-----

Past Pine's POV

Nighttime already. My arm was still hurting, but quite less than earlier today.

My family was nice. Mom and dad are nice, and my big brother Dwight sometimes comes to visit after a big exam. He's not a jock, but he's not a nerd either. You learn to differentiate them after a while. Just those two sides of the spectrum exist for me: Nice guys, and not so nice guys. He's nice, but loves to bug me from time to time. ‘Middle point’ is how I describe him.

It's understandable though, I'm easy to bug.

I honestly just wanted to go to sleep, and silently count the days until my graduation. Then, I'd be able to enter some random college, hopefully a great one, and be done with this.

After dinner, I went up to the bathroom and checked out my arm. It didn’t look bad, nor it had any sign of me having been shoved. Just a little pain, but nothing else. I could cope with that.

Going back to my room afterwards, I dropped to bed and just reminded myself it would all be over soon. A nice career waiting for me after college if I worked hard enough, then the good life!

A little smile formed on my face as I fell asleep.

Okay, I'm not a big dreamer. Like, I never have dreams, and if I do they're weird things where I get run over by cars out of nowhere or medieval-like settings. Like my mind is setting up these weird scenarios to keep myself entertained even when I sleep, but I often forget about them quickly so no point on that either.

This time, it was like I was awake, but at the same time I kind of knew I was asleep.

A lullaby was being hummed, I was on my bed covered by my sheets, the ones that protect me from monsters!

The lullaby was nice and relaxing, but it felt like... it came from inside my head? Imagine being in your bed all comfy and suddenly Zelda's Lullaby starts playing on your head and makes you feel like everything is alright but nothing is alright because there are still months of bullying waiting for you at school but those thoughts are also getting muffled by the nice lullaby, which made not want to move at all.

The thing kept going for a few minutes, which developed into a nice sleep for the night as I forgot about my worries. Like I was a bit more 'in control' of my anxieties.

One thing was for certain, that was the best sleep I had in a goooood while.

------

The relaxation didn't last long.

I felt sick. I really didn't want to go to school today. One thing was for certain, that was one hell of a weird dream, but also quite amazing.

I had a really bad headache, but it didn't feel fever-ish. I could move myself without any pain, so I thought it was just a lack of sleep. 'Maybe a coffee will help me out...' I thought, as I got up from bed and lazily walked out. According to my phone, I woke up way sooner than I should have to. But maybe that'd give me time to enjoy a nice breakfast. Believe me, I'm not in a hurry to go to school anymore.

'Ugh... Can't see...' I thought. I liked to wash my face before putting my glasses on. Helps me wake up faster, maybe it'd help with the headache too.

Walking out of my room in my pajamas, with my glasses in hand.

I yawned, rubbing my eyes.

"Watch it!" I heard my brother saying. He had come out of his own room and we almost crashed into each other. He didn't sound mad, just a bit annoyed. "Rough night?"

"Uh... kinda," I mumbled, trying to process all the stuff he just said.

My older brother patted my back "Don't stay up studying for too long, you'll forget half of it once you graduate anyways." He said in a funny voice. As I mentioned, he's nice. Loves to bug me and my love for disconnecting from the world by just... reading books, but he's still a good brother.

"Never, heheh." I tried to seem cool, finger gunning at him, but Dwight just laughed at me. "Hey, you're heading downstairs, right?" He nodded. He was wearing some joggins and a sweatshirt, so I guessed he was going to jog for a while. "Turn the coffee machine on, please. I wouldn’t mind a good breakfast today…” I said, holding my stomach with my empty hand. I was hungry, not going to lie.

I didn't get an answer from him, but instead noticed him walking away without a single word. Quite rude I thought, but decided to shrug the thought off and go to the bathroom.

After washing my face, I placed my hand on my forehead. It was normal, no fever, but the pain was still there. I could ask mom if I should take some medicine, but she may still be asleep.

A little part of me wanted to use this as an excuse to miss school today. Imagine getting through the whoooole day, with Garrett and his army of neanderthals following your ass all day, and not in the good way.

Walking downstairs, still in my pajamas, I noticed Dwight walking out of the kitchen and heading outside already. I opened my mouth to ask if he did my coffee, but he faced me as soon as he noticed my presence.

“Hey, made you some quick breakfast. Enjoy, Piney! Gonna jog for a while, alright?” I nodded, kind of wondering what got to him. It’s like, he’s not really a bad brother, but he wouldn’t make me breakfast even if I asked reeaaaally nicely.

I stood there as I watched him leave the house. I went to the kitchen afterwards, and noticed Dwight prepared me a mug of coffee and left a cereal bar next to it. Hey, he tried! That’s what counts.

I enjoyed my quick breakfast as I watched a bit of TV, trying to make time before going to school, but I figured I wouldn’t be able to do that. Even if I tried to take it slow, I felt compelled to finish quickly and go back to my room to change.

Sucks being such a responsible asshole! But whatever, my mug was empty and I finished my cereal bar.

Just had to get ready, head to school and… try to be a ninja around there, because this headache wasn’t going off.

---------

Hours later, it had been a good day so far!

I mean, as good as a school day can be, of course, but I still really enjoyed my classes! No jocks nearby either, so that’s another plus!

My headache wasn’t there anymore, luckily. It’s like the world was turning brighter for me each moment I thought about it. I had fun in math and literature, Garrett and a few of his teammates were there, but either they didn’t notice me or my ninja skills (Aka lowering my head to the point of seeming stuck to the table) helped a lot!

And now, I just had to head to my locker, leave last class’s book in there and grab the next one, and keep doing as well as-

“Oh hey, it’s faggot!”

Spoke too soon.

I didn’t look back, I tried to pick up my pace as soon as I heard the familiar voice, but it seemed to be quite pointless.

Garrett grabbed me by the shoulders, and dragged me into an empty classroom. My attempt to make a stealthy escape failed miserably and I was now getting one of my weekly’s beat ups. The sad part was that nobody in the corridor seemed to notice or care.

Closing the door after throwing me in, I started walking away from him. Maybe I could loop him around some tables, I saw that working in a video game!

“What’s up, faggot? Scared of a real man like me?” He slapped his chest, asserting his dominance or something? Fuck, and I thought this was going to be a good day.

The guy chuckled at his comment, before charging against me. I avoided him, and started walking around a desk, trying to avoid him by keeping a good chunk of distance and going towards the opposite direction he tried to go. I knew he was getting mad quite fast, but I didn’t care. If I could slow him down enough for the bell to ring, I’d be happy and safe!

Good thing that this was a biology/chemistry classroom. The desks were long enough for me to keep distance from the big mean guy, and if he tried to attack me I could maybe grab something from the desk and get him off me…

Fuck, my thoughts about self-defense using chemistry instruments distracted, and Garrett was now a few feet away from me now. He enjoyed this little cat and mouse game, it got him in the mood for ‘a good beating’. I wonder if he’s mentally sick or something like that, because he enjoys this a lot.

“Fuck, you’re really putting on a show today, ain’t ya?” He mumbled, grabbing me by the wrist and twisting it to make me move closer to him.

“Let… go!” I told him, covering my face with my free hand just in case he tried to hit me.

And surprisingly, he did.

Of course, I didn’t stop covering my face. But I did notice the jock was standing there, his face still showing off that proud asshole-ish grin. “Wait… you’re letting me go?” I asked, with some hope in my voice. Maybe Garrett wasn’t so bad after all!

“Uh… yeah… no need to hold you to beat you up!” He resumed. After that little ‘realization’, the linebacker tried to charge at me without a single doubt on his face. He was really enjoying this

After that, the guy walked closer and held his fist up preparing his first strike. Before that would happen, I yelled “Stop!”. What, you thought I’d stand there waiting for the blow? I’m not an idiot! Hopefully, someone would hear me and rush inside the classroom!

Once again, I was surprised to realize Garrett did as I said. Or sort of. He froze in place, still smiling with his fist high. I kept walking away but my bully didn’t move at all. By this point, I knew something wrong was going on. I mean, I’m not saying I would have preferred for him to beat me up, but I was pretty curious about what was happening.

“Man, can’t wait to freaking beat you up today. Had an awful morning and I need my favorite punching bag to get off” But he still wouldn’t move.

“Then… what are you waiting for?” I was tempting him now. What if this was just a very elaborated joke and he would just break my glasses with a single punch?

“I dunno. Just wanna prolong it to scare you a bit more, I guess” He shrugged. He freaking shrugged, like we were chatting about a normal subject, not beating me up.

I loved that last ‘I guess’ though. It kind of gave me a little push to try out if this was really happening or I was just going crazy while Garrett played around with me like a spider.

“Can you put your arms down?” I asked him, and he did so. He still retained his cocky smile, but he just seemed alright with doing what I just asked him to do for me. “Uhm… Flex now?” And he did as I asked.

Okay, I���m not going to say I lust after this piece of poop, but these biceps oh lord. I wondered if he was on steroids or something. Can a senior student really be that muscled?

He’s 18, like most of my class and his whole team, but I think he’s one of the biggest ones I’ve seen in there. “Can tell you’re really thirsty, nerd. No wonder why, always knew you had a crush on me. Sick pervert…” He mumbled.

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t mind being as far from you as possible.” I was cocky and I shouldn’t act like that. “But now that you mention it, I’d like to examine you closer and I’m sure you won’t try to harm me in any way.”

Uh… his eyes seemed weird, but before I could check them out, they returned to normal as he started speaking again. “Of course I won’t. Why would I waste my energy in a lil’ faggot like you?” Was his answer, before I walked closer to him. He was still flexing his arms, pecs noticeable under his shirt. Baby stepping towards him, I reached out and started touching his arms first.

“Not going to lie… you do have some nice muscles…” I mumbled, bringing my other arm to feel him up too. I was shaking, my heart was beating like crazy, but I couldn’t help myself. Garrett was exposing himself to me like it was a normal thing to do.

“I know I do. Chicks love ‘em, but you don’t know about that, huh faggot? You look skinny as a twig.” Ouch. I mean, it wasn’t really something hurtful, especially since he told me worse things before.

It was a good chance to try out if this was an elaborate joke or not. “Hey, that wasn’t nice at all. You should apologize, Garrett. Pretty sure you just want to be a nice guy to me, don’t you?” I took a step back again, because there was a 50% chance it would actually be a big joke and he was just playing along until this point.

“Y’know what? You’re right, nerd. I’m sorry. Would hate if someone body-shamed me too… Uh…” I was really surprised. Jaw-dropping surprise. Here was Garrett, the king of the football team, the big meanie, the superior asshole, apologizing to me after I suggested him to do so. I think I noticed his eyes getting glazed as he spoke? I couldn’t tell, there was a few inches of distance and my glasses weren’t helping now.

“Thank… you?” I didn’t know how to take what was going on. Maybe I was still dreaming! Hmm… No, dreams aren’t this long. Something definitely happened, and Garrett is doing what I tell him to do.

I looked up at him, as he stared around, probably trying to avoid looking at me or I just wasn’t worth his attention anymore.

My bully didn’t seem so menacing anymore, he just looked like a normal guy. It doesn’t erase the fact that he brought me so much pain before but… he was just exploring the area with his gaze now, like he just got bored of me and wanted something else to focus on.

I still don’t know if I’m doing something or if he just decided to be less of an asshole suddenly, but it seems that he’s reacting quite obediently to what I’m saying. Remembering that we are in an empty classroom that may not stay empty for too long, I decided we may just leave the scene and try out more stuff later, for testing purposes.

“So… I’m going to my next class now…” I started to say, and Garrett looked at me again.

The jock nodded. “Yeah… I should do the same, nerd. Uh…” Again, he seemed confused. Scratching the back of his head, he turned around and started walking towards the classroom’s door.

“But… Uhm… I think you should invite me over to your place after school…” I had to find the words for this to not sound weird, but it was almost impossible. How do you suggest someone to invite them to your place? I’m not a very social guy either, so that added a bit of doubt if what I was saying was normal or not. “You know, for a good study session with your favorite nerd?”

I tried to appeal to the nickname he gave me. It was better than ‘faggot’ at least. Garrett stared at me, like waiting for me to finish talking, before flashing a smile. “Yeah, of course we’re going to my place. I’ll take ya after school, I guess?” His confusion was still notorious, but he seemed to try and take the best out of this. It was quite nice from him.

After he walked out of the classroom, I did a little celebration dance. I got Garrett to not only not beat me up, but also treat me nice! I still wasn’t sure what was going on, but I’m going to enjoy this evening after school!

-----

As you may have guessed, I was kind of dying inside. Not literally, but I like to be dramatic sometimes.

Garrett waited for me after school in his car. I sat on the co-driver’s seat and just… stood there silent. He didn’t seem like a chatter box either, so it was just a nice silent moment between bully and random gay guy.

After a few moments of staring straight ahead, the jock turned the car on and drove off. His face didn’t seem confused anymore, but it was clear he wasn’t happy either. I wasn’t a blissful flower either, I knew what I was doing.

I wanted to try out this apparent new “ability” of mine, and it got me to Garrett’s house. Now I was walking into the wolf’s mouth, but he wouldn’t be as dumb as to beat me up in his own house, right?

“So… Garrett… Uh… Tell me what do you think about like… us, hanging out today?” I asked him, still nervous but trying to get the hang of whatever that was going on with me. “Oh, and uh… be honest about it, speak your mind and all that”

He eyed me, probably a bit weirded out by my choice of words, but still answered “It’s weird. I never thought I’d be driving you home, much less having a study session with you. You being, y’know, a nerdy fag and all that. It’s weird that we’re hanging out at all, we never hung out before”

Then he focuses back on the road. I did the same, not knowing what to answer. But he gave me a little push, returning the question. “What about you? Uh… Have you ever tutored someone before? I know my mates need some help”

“I used to help Mikey- Ehem, Mike, with his homework. And I find learning exciting, so helping others with it just comes naturally, you know?”

“Y’sound like a nerd. Sorry, had to point that out” He turned the wheel, and I noticed the houses looked a bit more luxurious on this side of town. Not that my house is awful or anything, but these look like really cozy places to be. I knew Garrett was wealthy, but didn’t know he lived in a mansion!

“What’s the deal with Mike anyway? I used to think you two were lovers or some shit like that, never got what he found in you.” The jock continued, without taking his eyes off the road.

I got a glimpse of his big arms as they held the steering wheel. They seemed to be holding the thing really aggressively, before letting go slowly. Like he was struggling, but it made his muscles and veins stand out a bit more.

“That’s kind of personal, so… I wouldn’t like to go there, if you don’t mind.” I tried to avoid the topic, especially because he was one of the reasons I stopped hanging out with Mike, but I don’t think he cared about it. Garrett wasn’t a nice guy.

He shrugged, “Whatever, keep the love story for yourself then. We… just arrived.” He took a moment for those last few words because he tried to park on the big driveway. The house was reaaaally nice looking. Like, not huge, but at the same time not your normal suburban house. I loved it, not going to lie.

I was in awe, as I grabbed my stuff and walked out of the car. The place was beautiful! And Garrett stopped at the front door waiting for me. He was waiting for me!

I picked up the pace and followed him in. The ‘lobby’ was good looking too. Kind of empty, but still gave that welcoming feeling you expect when you enter a house.

“So, do you prefer studying in the dining room, or my room? You’re the… teacher…? here, I guess” It didn’t feel natural for him to say that, I could tell. He was still kind of struggling, as his hands were closed and seemed to be clenching into fists, but at the same time he offered me a gentle smile.

“Your room would be perfect. We could use some extra privacy for… studying. Yeah, just studying.” I replied, as I kept looking around. I’m not going to get tired to say that this place is huge-

My little expedition was interrupted by Garrett’s pair of big hands. Taking me on a tour apparently wasn’t his goal, he just made sure I walked faster towards our destination: His bedroom, while not getting distracted by the place.

My bully only let go of me once we arrived at his room. He let me go in first, before dropping himself on his desk chair. The door was wide open, and I was tempted to close it but maybe I should make a bit of chit chat first.

Garrett’s room… It was alright. In comparison to the rest I’ve seen so far in this house, this one room looked kind of small, but still wide enough to contain Garrett’s interests. A computer, a console with a pair of joysticks, and a big bed against the wall.

“What are we going to study, by the way?” He looked at me. I took a good moment to examine his face now. No more confusion, one of his eyebrows raised, as he stared at me with friendly eyes.

His arms were still kind of twitching, but he was apparently trying to contain them by playing with one of his cord bracelets.

Now, time to keep testing my ‘power’.

“Well…” It was difficult to put it into words. He seemed to believe and/or do whatever I suggested him to do, and find out a way to make it his own idea. That’s what I theorized so far. So… “Garrett… You trust me completely.” I tried to avoid making it sound like a question, and more like an order. It was weird, but I just wanted to put more ‘power’ into my words, if that makes sense?

Now that I could see him clearly, I noticed his eyes definitely glazed over before he spoke again “I trust you completely.” After the words were said, emotion had returned to his face already. He sat down on his bed, still staring at me.

That’s great! I actually do seem to have powers! And Garrett was doing everything I said! Fuuuuuuck. This opened so many possibilities. I wanted to jump with excitement but I didn’t want Garrett to think I was weird.

“And also, we weren’t going to study,” Okay, this seems like I’m pulling his dick now. Studying was the whole reason he ‘invited’ me over, so if I pulled that out of the question, his reaction could change completely, right? Don’t mind me, just investigating here. “You asked me to come because you wanted to talk with me”

As I thought, he seemed confused again. Poor guy may be having the weirdest day of his life. But he didn’t fight me on that, he just nodded before agreeing. “Uh… Yeah…” Then he shook his head for a bit “Sorry, nerd. I’m a bit lost today. I can’t even remember what I wanted to talk about, fuck.”

The bigger guy tapped his head a few times, apparently trying to remember. Better help him ‘remember’ what he had to say, hehehe.

“It’s okay, you actually told me what you wanted to say and everything. You want to apologize for being such a dick to me” I don’t usually speak like this, but if I got him to apologize, then getting him to do anything else may be a piece of cake. And if I’m going way too far, then at least hearing that apologize would be really great on its own.

His eyes went glassy again. Great! A few seconds afterwards, he replied with a “Yeah. I’m really sorry for being such a dick to you.” And after shaking his head again, his blank face changing to a sad expression “Can’t believe I did all those awful things to you, I’m so fucking sorry, man.”

No more glazed eyes, but he didn’t seem to be tearing up exactly. I’m not a sadistic guy though, I just wanted a bit of payback after these few months. I could use the dick card and be like ‘I don’t accept that, you’ll have to do so much better for me to forgive you’.

But… I’m smarter than that.

“Okay, apology accepted, I guess.” I tried to sound uninterested, but the apology thing was enough for me to internally freak out again. Couldn’t show mercy, though! “I’ll have to think it through, but in the meantime we could… make a deal?”

Garrett raised his eyebrow, but before he could reply something or tell me to fuck off, I decided to interrupt his train of thoughts with another command. “You’re curious about what I’m talking about and you’ll accept the deal no matter what it is”

That should be explicit enough. Eyes glazed over again, as he nodded slowly.

“Yeah… I’m really curious. What do you have in mind, nerd-o?” That ‘nerd’ thing would be nice to change, but it’s not as bad as it felt before, at least!

I tried to think about exactly what I wanted to say to him, because I didn’t know if I could control this ‘persuasion’ or ‘make him obey whatever I say’ thing. So better be careful, even if he deserved an accident.

“This is the deal: You will obey everything I say and will love to do so, no questions asked. You’ll start to recognize me as your absolute superior, like… your master? Yeah, that sounds good, you will call me ‘Master’ when we’re alone.”

Garrett remained silent as I talked, which was good. No unwanted interruptions as I explained the terms of our ‘deal’! “You will treat me like your best- No, that spot is sort of still taken… You will treat me like a good friend. Understood?”

No reaction at all, until a few seconds passed. Then a smile appeared on his face. “That’s it? Of course, bro! Sounds like a great deal!”

“Wait, I’m not done.” I wanted this to be the *perfect* moment for us. Like, here was my bully, and I was about to take complete control over him. I didn’t want this to go wrong by any means. “Uh… One last thing, for now. You will start feeling attracted towards me, if that makes sense…” Would I be able to also manipulate his feelings? Only time will tell, I guess.

He didn’t freeze this time; the reaction came way faster than before. Garrett turned around to see if his door was closed, which wasn’t, so he got up to close it before answering a very proud “Yes, master! We got a deal!”

Great! It worked! Now, some testing was needed to ensure the orders I just gave him worked perfectly. First things first… “Do you mind if I call you Gary? Bit less of a mouthful than ‘Garrett’”

“No problem, Master. My bros call me Gary all the time” He stated, smiling like an idiot.

“Right, great. Uhm, stand up now Gary. And, uh… Lift your shirt up so I can check you out” I ordered. The jock in front of me didn’t hesitate, getting up from his bed and moving his hand to the bottom of his shirt, slowly lifting it up.

His abs seemed rock hard, his pecs were great looking. Was this a high school linebacker or a bodybuilder on steroids? Maybe he takes steroids for football? I don’t know, but I loved it. I moved closer and caressed his abs up and down. He just smiled at me as I admired his torso. It was weird, but also quite fun.

“What do you think about this whole… situation, Gary?” I asked, as I moved my hand up to his pecs and played with them for a bit.

“Honestly, I never thought I’d be doing this. But it’s what you want, Master, so I’m happy to do it” ‘Smart answer’ I thought.

“Uh Huh... Say, have you ever… done something with another guy?” I asked him, without taking my eyes off the pecs. “As in sexual stuff, I mean…”

“Nah, Master. I’m straight as an arrow, never done something with another guy. Prefer them chicks with big… personalities, know what I mean?” He sounded gross again for a bit, but as soon as he shut up and went back to smiling like an idiot, I was happy.

“Funny, neither did I,” I said, looking up at his face again. “And you will help me with that, don’t you?”

His smile faded. “Yes, Master.” Gary said, as I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for a kiss. And he was kissing back.

My first kiss was happening with my bully jock ‘slave’. Huh, that’s weird to say. Guess I’ll have to get used to it.

I didn’t know the difference between ‘good kiss’ and ‘bad kiss’. But it felt amazing, and magical, and just… it was turning me on so much. Maybe I can say that he’s an amazing kisser?

We stood like that, taking little breaks from time to time to breath, where he would smile at me and I would just blush. I don’t romantically like Garrett, he caused me so much pain, but I wanted to enjoy this. I’m not going to cause pain to him, because I’m not evil. I’m nicer than him. Better, I would say.

I found it funny that he would still hold his shirt up. I could have told him to take it off, but there was something about it that made me choose not to. I wanted to see his body, but let’s leave the full naked stuff for later.

We stopped kissing.

“So, uh… I’ve heard rumors about your… ‘thing’, down there.” I mumbled, as I groped his crotch. I wanted to sound confident, but it felt really weird after so much time of keeping myself ‘hidden’. Gary didn’t answer, he was still smiling at me. “Can I see, Gary?”

“Of course, Master. Anything you want!” He accepted, and I looked down to undo his belt and lower his jeans. Huh… It was semi-hard.

A bit veiny, 4/5’ inches semi-hard? I’m not a cock measurer, but I think that’s quite good. 

I slowly went down until I faced Gary’s cock. I wasn’t sure if I should do this. This wasn’t going to bring me any pleasure. But maybe…

“Gary, I’m going to give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had. And as I do, I want you to feel the orders and the deal we made today cemented on your mind, understood?” It could be of use for our control thing.

“Understood, Master” I dove in the cock after that. Slowly taking the tip in first and giving some gentle licks before starting to get more of Garrett’s cock inside my mouth. It wasn’t hard to do, getting it inside. And then I just had to take it in and out, being careful with the teeth and trying my best with my tongue.

“You like that?” I asked him as I rested for a few seconds, before getting it back in my mouth. It felt naughty, and awesome! Like, the adrenaline of doing the dirty stuff with another guy… Huh, and I haven’t lost my cherry yet!

“Yeah, feels great… Keep going, Master… Please…” He moaned, arms behind his head as he sported a relaxed face. I loved hearing him calling me master, not going to lie!

Although, after thinking about it for a bit, it would be better if I didn’t let him cum. Maybe I could get him to record a video of himself jerking off or something for later. Anyway…

I took the cock out of my mouth and got up. “I want you to listen carefully, okay?” Gary nodded, not seeming to care about me not finishing the job. “When in public, you will still act somewhat attached to me, like we are good friends. And if someone suspects about it you will explain that I’ve been tutoring you and that I’m an amazing teacher, understood?”

“We’re good friends, you’re helping me with tutoring, and you’re an amazing teacher. Gotcha, Master” He repeated, eyes a bit unfocused again, but still a degree of emotion on his voice.

I ruffled his hair. He would have beaten me up in the past for that, now he just smiled even more than before.

“Good… boy.” Felt amazing to say that! “Could you give me a ride home now?”

-----

Present Pine’s POV

“What’s up now?” I stopped reading after noticing Mike was frowning. Like when you see that one character you don’t like in a TV show on-screen, that type of frown. “I thought you and Gary made up with each other already?” I assumed that was the problem, the big guy may have felt a bit jealous of his former football mate.

It killed me not reading his thoughts whenever I wonder if something is wrong, but I respected my best friend and boyfriend’s mental privacy. And if Leo or any other mind controller (Assuming there are more) discovered about this, they would laugh at my face.

“I know, he’s my bro and all but you gotta admit that he was such a dick before. I’m pretty chilled but I don’t think I could have just… given a turn to his personality and called it a day” He chuckled, as I closed the laptop. “Probably would have been way unforgiving, but you’re the lead here, bro”

“Well anyway, enough story for today. Any thoughts you’d like to share? This one was one of my favorite moments of the first plan I had” I mentioned, leaving the laptop on the coffee table before setting my attention to the jockboy beside me.

“It was great, got me hooked already. It’s also a nice throwback, ‘cuz I barely remember senior year other than ‘playing lots of football’ and doing awesome pranks” Mikey said, leaning in quickly to kiss my cheek. “By the way, which guy comes next? Is it me?”

He seemed excited to know the answer. It was Brent, Garrett’s friend, but I wasn’t going to give it away. Gotta keep my public engaged!

“Sorry big guy, got to keep the mystery, hehe.” Mike looked disappointed at my answer, but I just ruffled his hair. “But hey, all this reading about mind control got me in the mood. Wanna do something?”

“Huh… my thoughts exactly” I don’t know if he intended to make a pun on me being able to read his thoughts, but I wasn’t going to put much thought into it. I had to put thoughts into his head already.

It was like flipping a switch via the mind link, and then Mike’s eyes were glassy, and he had a dumb smile that curiously reminded to that of Gary back when I first enslaved him.

“Who’s a good jock boy?” I asked, pulling Mikey closer to me.

“I am, bruh… I’m a good jock boy, huhuhuh” was his answer, before going back to smiling like a big dummy.

Doing hot stuff with Mikey while his arm was casted wasn’t all that different from before. Now he just had to use his bad arm less than before, but you can still do plenty with one arm. Like have the jock take off his shirt, revealing his nice, muscular torso.

If I weren’t careful, I would be the one drooling here. I leaned in for a kiss, and Mike kissed back.

It was just a nice little moment between the two of us. Making out without a care in the world. Certainly a good way to forget about my responsibilities, no complaints there!

----

Author’s note:

Thanks for reading! I hoped to publish this here a few weeks ago, but writing the next chapter took me more than intended, so the public release also got pushed back a bit. Sorry for that 💦. 

But, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And thanks again for reading! <3

#PinesJocks #mind control #hypnotized #straight to gay #gay hypnosis #jock #brainwashing #brainwashed

[ipsomaniac]

diary entry about tits

looking in the mirror after my shower as i was idly crossing my arms across my chest imagining what i’d look like without breasts, i was blasted by, i dunno what you call it, dysphoria, or longing. it’s been a while. for the past few years or so whenever i perform this little ritual i’ve been able to experience the desire for a different body as a kind of wistfulness, and have usually been able to look at my body as-is and think, yeah that’s a good body too (a good woman’s body). not what i’d have chosen but nothing to hate. i’ve been really trying not to hate my body, have been consciously extending that non-hatred to my breasts, and for the past couple years or so it’s been more or less working - it’s effort and it fluctuates but, more or less ok, most of the time. sometimes even positive appreciation for my own sturdy voluptuousness. but ugh today as i was crossing my arms it just hit me how masculine and muscular my shoulders looked, and i could imagine the dimple of my cleavage was pecs, and that i was broad-shouldered and soft-bellied and flat-chested and handsome. it really slammed me.

it’s typical that this would rear its head now, because i have been extremely anxious about work the past few weeks and i tend to have more frequent/intense dysphoric feelings when i’m not in a great place generally. but it’s also anxiety-inducing in and of itself because i have committed myself mentally to a certain future which appears heterosexual. and i’ve made that commitment because i love someone, who happens to be a man, while i am woman-shaped, and i want to share my life with him. and it’s not as if there’s a stark trade-off here - a choice between staying with my partner and transitioning - for one thing i don’t really want to transition in any formal sense, just want to have negligable boob to enable more presentation options - but to experience such a sudden and visceral pang, such an undeniably not-cis spike of longing... it’s terrifying because it highlights the conditionality and slipperiness of identity as the sum total of the choices you make throughout your life. what is true - my acceptance of my body as-is and my choice to remain woman-shaped; or the howling desire for a different form that occasionally rears its head? can both be true? there are versions of me in the multiverse who got top surgery aged 23; versions of me who are trans men, versions who identify as non-binary; versions who fell in love with a woman and live in the world as a lesbian. i dont actually believe that this version of myself, in this world, who loves a man and looks like a womanish thing, is less “authentic” or true than those other versions. but when the desire strikes it’s like a window into another world. --- After writing the above I talked to J about it and it made me feel a lot better. Sometimes when I am wrapped up in anxious Ideas I forget that he does simply get it. One day I will get a breast reduction probably and that will be that.

#gender

[laws-yellow-submarine]

Uhhhh hi? Lol I dunno if anyone remembers this, but this past May I mentioned I was going through quite a lot, and at the time I had a Hazel-focused Mother's Day angst one-shot half-written, that never got finished.

Well, it's 3:30 am, and it's finished! 😃 this was written on my phone, so it may not be well edited, and I can't guarantee it's 100% in character; but it was cathartic as hell. I won't be including this in Together With Fruit (it just doesn't fit anywhere), but I will say it's 100% canon to Hazel’s character/story. That being said, you don't have to read it if you don't want to - it's a little heavy, imo, and I won't be offended if people skip it.

But without further ado, I present: The Problems with Mother's Day

TW/CW: Parental angst, estranged parent relationships, mentions of death, feelings of inadequacy (if I need to add anything lemme know!)

Word Count: 2,052

-------

From the moment Hazel opened her eyes, she knew it was going to be a long day. The skies were cloudy, the waves choppy, and her roommate’s face was about ten inches away, smiling a little too sweetly.

“Ahh!” she yelled, jumping back in bed. “Nami, what the hell?!”

“Oh good, you’re up!” Nami chirped at her, doing nothing to alleviate the suspicion in Hazel’s gut. “I need a favor!”

“I told you before: if Luffy gets his head stuck between the railings, it’s better to just leave him there or he’ll never learn his lesson.”

“No, no, not that, silly!” Hazel glared further at the young woman, suspicion thoroughly piqued. “See, it’s Mother’s Day! Normally, Nojiko and I have a tradition of cooking a big breakfast, but since she’s obviously not here, I was wondering if you’d like to join me?” and then she flashed the biggest pair of puppy dog eyes Hazel had ever seen. Which was saying something, considering how often Ace had tried to use that on her when they were kids. 

There was just one issue.

“It’s Mother’s Day?” Hazel groaned, rubbing one hand over her face. Nami took her groaning as a sign of tiredness, and enthusiastically nodded her head.

“Please, Hazel? My sister and I do this every year, and I’d really like to share it with you!”

Guilt gnawed at Hazel’s gut. How could she possibly say “no” now?

“Sure, Nami...just,” she sighed, “give me a second to get dressed.” And then Nami let out a squeal, of all things, hugged the purple-haired girl around the shoulders, and bounded up the stairs.

Left alone, Hazel took a deep, shuddery breath. Then she took another one. Then another, on and on until they became steadier, and the world didn’t feel like it’d swallow her up right there. She stood up, padding over to the closet the girls shared, and quickly threw on a plain t-shirt and shorts; something she wouldn’t be upset about getting messy. She threw her curly hair into a messy ponytail, squared her shoulders, and with a firm nod of her head, she followed after Nami.

It was early, enough so that the sun had barely peaked over the horizon. With all the clouds in the sky, the seascape remained a rather dull blue, the orange of the sun’s rays blocked from view. Even Sanji, who normally woke up pretty early to get a start on breakfast, was still nestled deep in his hammock down below.

“How’d you manage to secure the kitchen for the day?” she asked as she entered the galley, deftly catching the apron Nami tossed her way.

“I told Sanji-kun I had something special planned, batted my eyelashes a bit, and he was convinced to sleep in for a day,” Nami explained, pulling the last of the ingredients from the fridge and setting them on the counter. “I’ve got the pancake batter covered, if you wanna get a start on the bacon!”

Hazel slid up to the counter, eyeing the array of food and utensils the navigator had set out. It had been a while since she'd made bacon - Luffy had a habit of stealing the still sizzling strips from the pan - but she dutifully set to work at the stove as Nami chatted on.

"One year, Belle-mere wasn't able to afford our usual breakfast ingredients, so Nojiko and I had to improvise," the younger woman was saying as she steadily dribbled pancake batter onto the skillet. "We snuck into the tangerine grove and picked as many as we could find, but we stuck to the smaller ones so they wouldn't be missed." Hazel hummed in acknowledgement, gut churning. "Nojiko set up an entire tray of tangerines cut into different shapes, but when Belle-mere tried to eat? Her face puckered up like this!"

Nami's face scrunched into an expression that resembled a dried up pufferfish, cheeks sunken in and eyes screwed shut, before she bust out laughing at the memory. Hazel smiled good-naturedly, piling more bacon onto the plate beside her, and Nami launched into another story.

"Oh! And then there was the year I tried to make the pancakes by myself for the first time! Normally that was Nojiko's job, but I convinced her to let me try," the navigator said, eyes far away as she expertly flipped another pancake. "The entire kitchen ended up covered in batter! I'm not even sure how it happened - I thought Belle-mere would be furious! I was so scared I hid in the closet, but I didn't realize I'd tracked flour behind me." Nami shook her head, smiling. "Belle-mere opened the closet door, took one look at me, and grinned this huge grin. She said it was the 'best year ever'..."

Hazel bit her cheek as Nami sighed wistfully. "Belle-mere was always saying that: it was the 'best year ever', no matter how much we ruined breakfast."

"Hm."

"Hazel, are you ok?"

"Huh?" Hazel glanced at her in surprise, then quickly resumed her task, tension coiling in her gut as she nodded. Just breathe, Hazel…

"Are you sure?" Nami asked, worry ringing in her voice. "You don't seem to be having much fun."

"I'm fine, Nami," Hazel grit out, flinching back as a drop of grease jumped out at her.

"No you're not! What's wrong?"

"Look, I said I'm fine, alright?!" Hazel snapped, turning from the bacon to glare at the young girl. "I just don't really give a shit about Mother's Day!"

Nami's gasp was accented by the galley door opening, their crew's footsteps halting as Hazel’s statement hung in the air. All at once, her anger fled, replaced quickly with burning shame at Nami's watery gaze. Swallowing against the lump in her throat, and the warmth growing in her cheeks, Hazel muttered a quick "sorry" before bolting from the room.

The others watched her go, breakfast momentarily forgotten, until the familiar thwap thwap of their captain's flip flops broke the silence, punctuated by Luffy’s excited cry: "Sanji! Food!"

--------

"I just don't get it!" Nami yelled as she sat at the table, anger, embarrassment, and guilt all warring within her. Hazel still hadn't returned to the kitchen. "It's just Mother's Day. It should be a day to celebrate!"

"I'm sure Hazel-chan has her reasons, Nami-san," Sanji said around his cigarette, unhappy that "his girls" were at odds. Luffy scratched under his hat. 

"What's Mother's Day?"

Luckily for him, Luffy was used to the incredulous stares his crew often bestowed on him. Even Zoro was looking at him like he'd grown a second head. Wait. Could he do that?

"Even you should know what Mother's Day is," Nami scolded the boy as he inexplicably began to pull at the skin on his shoulder.

Luffy shrugged. "Nope!"

"It's the day you celebrate your mom!" Nami was met with a blank stare. "You know, the one who provides for you, even if it means she goes without."

"The one who encourages your dreams, and loves you unconditionally," Sanji added, a wistful look in his eye as he flicked his cigarette.

"The one who tells you stories, and tucks you into bed at night," Usopp chimed in, face alight with happy memories.

But Luffy merely raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Hazel already has a birthday, I'm supposed to give her two parties?!"

And then the room grew silent once more as the weight of his question settled on the others' shoulders. Nami felt her stomach clench, threatening to evict a breakfast she hadn't even eaten as she realized what had happened. She pushed herself to her feet, rushing out of the kitchen with barely a word to the others.

She had to find Hazel.

-------

Nami found her standing against the railing, on the complete opposite side of the ship. Hazel’s arms were crossed in front of her, the wind blowing through her loose, purple curls as she gazed out at the sea. The navigator approached slowly, suddenly nervous now that she was here. But before she could utter any apology, Hazel beat her to it.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. That wasn't very fair, and you didn't deserve it."

Nami's brown eyes snapped up to the other woman's face, still not facing her, and swallowed against the growing lump in her throat.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," she said, leaning on the rail beside her. "I should have asked you first. I shouldn't have assumed you'd be OK with it."

Hazel shrugged. "You had good intentions, at least. It's the thought that counts."

"Is it?" But Hazel didn't answer, and the two slipped into a heavy silence broken only by the crash of waves against the hull. "What happened to her?" Nami finally asked, shoulders tensed as she waited for the older woman to either answer or scold her.

Hazel only sighed. "Honestly?" she clicked her tongue, shrugging her shoulders and biting her lip. "No idea. Don't really remember her."

"But if you don't remember…" Nami started, eyes lighting up as an idea struck her. "Then she could still be out there somewhere! Maybe we'll find her-!"

"I hope she's dead."

The finality of the statement struck Nami dumb, mouth hanging open in shock at the woman's deadened expression. There was no waver in Hazel’s tone, no room for any doubt that she meant it. "What…?"

Hazel laughed through her nose, a bitter sound. "Sounds horrible, right? Especially today of all days? But it's true." Hazel’s jaw clenched, her fists curling around the Merry's railing. "If she's dead, then it wasn't a choice. If she's dead, then she didn't decide to -! She didn't just -!" Her shoulders shook, breaths coming out in ragged gasps, unable to finish the statement.

Nami reacted without thinking, pulling the shaking woman into her arms without hesitation. Hazel's voice broke, heartache echoing between them as she gasped out: "why wasn't I enough?"

"Now you look at me!" Nami cried, pulling back to lock her eyes onto Hazel’s. "Don't you ever think you aren't enough! Just look at everything you've done! We're all here because of you, Hazel!"

Hazel rolled her watery gray eyes. "You're here because of Luffy - I'm just emotional support." But Nami shook her head.

"Luffy may have brought us together, but he only got to where he is because you supported him! He thinks the absolute world of you, he loves you - we all love you! And you've done all of this without her! Screw her!" Hazel dissolved into a new round of tears, and Nami pulled her back into her warm embrace. "New tradition: from now on, let us show you how much we appreciate you, whether that's through breakfast together, or leaving you the hell alone."

Hazel choked out a wet, shaky laugh, fingers clutching tightly to Nami's t-shirt as the tears flowed through her. Finally, they subsided, and as she leaned back Nami helped wipe the remaining tear tracks away. Hazel took a deep breath, then another, feeling lighter than she had all day. Then, her stomach growled.

"I think I'm ready to go back to breakfast," she murmured, too drained to be embarrassed. Nami just smiled, linking their arms together as she led the way back to the others.

When they entered the galley, the pair were separated when a rubbery figure launched itself at Hazel. Luffy wrapped his limbs around his sister, squeezing so tight it was a wonder she didn't break a rib. "Hazel! Sanji made you coffee! He wouldn't let me try it but I did anyway - how do you drink that stuff?!"

Hazel just smiled at his rambling, wiggling her arms free of her brother's embrace, surprising the boy when she hugged him back (almost) as tightly, and kissed him on the forehead. "Heeey!" He whined, pulling away to angrily rub at the spot she'd kissed. "What was that for?!"

"Nothing, just…I'm proud of you, Luff." The boy's face broke into a grin.

"Shishishi! I'm proud of you, too! Now, let's eat!"

Finally, the Straw Hats gathered around the table, digging into their meal with an excited frenzy. Sipping her coffee, Hazel nudged the woman beside her. "Thanks, Nami," she said, smiling easily after the events of that morning. "But, for future reference? On Father's Day, you may just wanna let me stay in bed."

#monkey d. hazel #one piece oc #one piece original character #together with fruit #one piece #one piece fanfiction #one piece fan fic #monkey siblings #monkey d. luffy #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #usopp #cat burglar nami #straw hat pirates #yes it's a mother's day fic in October - sue me lol #leyna go to bed at a decent time challenge

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 38

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: A new semester is starting

A/N: We are finally done with the holiday chapters! When it comes to this chapter, I'd like to state that I only have some experience from a couple of Finnish universities so I really don't know a whole lot about how certain things work in practice in the States, so please ignore the possible inaccuracies for the sake of this fic. It feels weird after a couple of 'bigger' chapters to have a bit more 'fillery' one... but... but... there's Caleo in the beginning?? So I hope you'll enjoy nevertheless. I wish I could spread even more love towards this ship because they deserve it but sadly there are only so few hours in a day. The fandom seems so quiet these days...

Anyway, enough rambling! Now let's get to this chapter, and the usual reminder: I love to hear what you think! All comments are much appreciated :)

Words: 2500+ 

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

”Is something the matter? You look quite unhappy.”

Leo felt arms sneak around his shoulders from behind while he was sitting on the common area sofa, staring at his laptop with a frown. Some of the speaker’s reddish brown hair fell in front of his face, the smell of cinnamon drifting into his nose, and for some reason that alone was enough to relieve some of Leo’s uneasiness. The small, pale hands found their way down his biceps and stopped there, but he wasn’t going to complain. If he was honest, he was really happy about Calypso’s growing confidence when it came to the physical affection, because it told him she really trusted him. Sometimes he was still amazed that he out of all the people had managed to break the ice around her.

Before Leo let himself get too lovestruck, though, he reminded himself why he was staring at his laptop in the first place. The new semester was starting and that naturally meant new courses, new assignments, new texts to read and… new emails from his professors. One specific email had managed to twist his stomach quite badly. In it, the professor from his chemistry lab class had asked him for a meeting, and Leo assumed he wanted to discuss what had happened on the exam day. Wishing that he could just ignore that said message, he turned his attention back to his girlfriend.

“Just uni issues… nothing more severe this time,” Leo replied half jokingly. The holidays had given him some perspective on what really was important to him and failing a class didn’t feel quite as big an issue anymore. It was inconvenient, yes, on a few levels, but not entirely unfixable.

“Oh?” Calypso finally let her hands slide off of him and sat down next to him. She seemed a bit relieved that this was about the university and not something that was out of her reach, and if Leo was honest, he couldn’t blame her. “What kind of issues?”

“A professor wants to meet me face to face tomorrow. Probably to talk about my recent chemistry lab test or something like that.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Hmm… Isn’t it quite unusual for them to give special focus to a single student at this stage?” Calypso asked.

“Apparently they still do that in my department. Who knows, maybe they think I’ve caused them enough trouble by now and want me to quit.”

“But what happened in your lab test was not your fault. Do you think you are any closer to being able to finish it in case you get another chance?”

When Calypso was looking at him with those almost chocolate brown eyes, he felt that it wasn’t impossible.

“Some smart person once said that I need to believe in myself more, so that’s what I need to learn to do. After that… it might be possible.”

“I’m glad you’re listening to me at least sometimes.” Calypso gave him a lopsided smile. “The fact that you know what you should do means that you’re already on your way there.”

“Yeah. I guess so.” Wanting to talk about something else, Leo asked: “Well, what about you? How are you feeling about the upcoming semester?”

“I’m feeling… pretty good about it, you know? Sure, I’ve been reading our course plans and it sounds like our professors are planning to make us work like every day is an exam day and we have some group assignments and important presentations coming up, but… I really like learning? And I like listening to the conversations between our professors and my fellow students during our lectures because it’s something I never got to do when I was stuck at home… I feel like I get new points of views from them all the time. And Annabeth is a really big help; she knows everything about everything so if I ever feel like I can’t follow the lectures, she can always clarify them to me.”

“I have a hard time imagining you not being able to keep up with the professors… but yeah, it’s good you can ask for her help if needed.”

Calypso nodded.

“You know, I’m glad you two got your issues sorted out in the fall,” Leo added as an afterthought.

Calypso looked up at him with a slight frown as if she had completely forgotten about what exactly had happened in the fall. “Oh, right, that. I feel like it was just one big misunderstanding. Both of us realized that we can’t get stuck on something that happened so long ago.”

Leo couldn’t deny that he had also felt a bit jealous of Percy when he had first found out about his and Calypso’s past, but she had clearly moved on, so he wasn’t holding a grudge anymore either. Calypso had decided to date him, and that’s what mattered.

“Yeah, I know from my personal experiences that ain’t worth it,” he replied.

Calypso leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed.

“I have a… maybe a bit weird question. Do you believe in some kind of greater power? You know, like gods?”

Leo wondered why she would ask that. “I dunno. Maybe. I’m not really strongly for or against that. I think I’m the kind of person who needs to see it to believe it, but I don’t think it’s impossible. But why do you ask?”

“This will sound extremely cheesy but sometimes I wonder… if there was a reason why we two met. Like some greater power that pushed us together for some reason.”

“Wow. I don’t know if any greater powers had their fingers in that but I am glad that it happened.” Leo threw his arm around her shoulder and wondered briefly why it felt like such a natural thing to do. At one point he had been too intimidated to initiate any kind of physical contact but now that they were more open with each other and she had seen him in some of his worse moments – he didn’t mind anymore.

“Yeah. Me too.” Calypso whispered.

Only the buzzing of the fridge and some other kitchen machinery could be heard on the background while the flatmates were simply enjoying each other’s company, resting their heads against each other, but eventually Calypso suggested:

“Hey... I think I need something that will allow me to disconnect a bit, so… how about some Friends?”

Leo didn’t have anything against that suggestion. In fact, he always enjoyed the TV show or movie nights with Calypso, for various reasons. “Sure. That sounds great to me. You know I’m always ready to roast my homeboy Chandler.”

“I know you are.” Calypso nudged him and took the remote control to find the right episode. As they started watching and commenting on it (he always enjoyed how snarky Calypso’s comments could be), Leo almost forgot about the upcoming meeting with the professor.

…

The next day, Leo found himself in the building where the office of his lab professor was located. At the breakfast table he had practiced the meeting with Calypso, and Jason had also joined him a bit later to wish him luck. To Leo’s relief, he did seem a lot happier than when he had seen him before the holiday break, but he still didn’t talk a whole lot about his current situation. Leo himself decided that it was better if he didn’t guide his friends too much so instead he did a quick recap on the recent developments in his own life – without mentioning his new relationship status. Luckily Jason didn’t ask, as he seemed to be more worried about Leo’s upcoming meeting.

As he was waiting for the professor to arrive, Leo kept glancing at his clock nervously. The man was already a few minutes late. While Leo knew that wasn’t anything unusual in the university world, as the professors tended to be busy, he still kept wishing he could get the meeting over with as soon as possible. His leg started bouncing again on its own and his fingers were tapping against the wooden handle of the chair. Suddenly he didn’t feel quite as sure about what he was going to tell the professor as he had felt earlier.

Finally, he was pulled from his thoughts by a loud ‘ahem’.

“Mr. Valdez? Sorry I’m late, my meeting with a couple of coworkers got a bit long,” the professor said.

“That’s… that’s fine,” Leo stuttered. Some months ago he would probably have said something snarky as a response but right now he knew better than to take any risks.

“Go in, go in, so we can have a talk,” the professor encouraged. Unwillingly, Leo followed him into his office and had to be told to sit down before he even realized that there was a comfortable looking arm chair right next to him.

“So…” the professor started once he was seated behind his desk. “You probably know why I invited you here.”

“I… I do have an idea…” Leo said hesitantly, looking everywhere in the room except the professor. The man had a lot of engineering related books in his bookshelf, a big stack of papers - probably students’ assignments - and a fancy looking calculator on his desk. Behind him on the wall there was a single photograph of his family. Pretty much exactly how Leo had imagined the said professor’s room looking.

“I will be direct with you. Your achievements in the lab classes - or lack thereof - is a cause of confusion for us. In almost all of the theory related classes, you are on the top of the class – despite the occasional reports that your behavior towards the lecturers could use some improvement.” The man raised his eyebrow, but Leo thought he could see a glint of amusement in his eyes. That didn’t last long, though. “However, until now we have been willing to overlook that because of your talents. Maths, physics, chemistry… those things you clearly don’t have any issues with. But already for the second year you have been avoiding the lab classes for which you have been signed up and last fall you even left the chemistry lab test before you managed to get it completed. I’m sure you are aware that if you want to move onto the more advanced classes, you need to complete the mandatory ones before you are allowed to do that.”

“Yes, sir, I’m aware of that,” Leo replied stiffly, wondering briefly when was the last time he had called anyone sir, other than ironically.

“In that case…” His voice turned less formal, more fatherly as he continued, which surprised Leo. The professors he was used to dealing with were usually not all too nice to him, although he was willing to admit that some of it was probably deserved. “Can I ask you, is there a specific reason why you haven’t attended the lab classes?”

Leo wondered if he should come up with a quick lie. It wouldn’t be the first time in his life that he would have to do that in order to protect himself. However, the professor really seemed sincere and concerned about him and in a way his expression reminded him of Jo’s when she was expecting him to open up. Perhaps that’s why he ended up deciding to answer honestly:

“Yes. There is.”

“And? What is the reason?” The professor raised his eyebrow.

Leo inhaled deeply before forming his response. “I’m afraid of fire. Yeah, laugh ahead, but it’s true. I can’t deal with anything that requires heating because of some nasty as hell childhood trauma.”

To his surprise, the professor didn’t get angry at him for talking to him in such a manner. Instead, he furrowed his eyebrows.

“And you’re still planning to make mechanical engineering your career? Despite your fear?”

Leo nodded slowly. “Yeah. Building and fixing inanimate objects is the only thing I’ve ever known how to do. I was basically born with a hammer and a wrench in my hands and I was capable of building toys for myself when I was like four. After an accident…” He refrained from mentioning his mother because he couldn’t guarantee he would be able to stay calm if he brought that up. “… I haven’t been able to light up a match or anything like that. But almost five years ago, two awesome women adopted me and one of them is a mechanic. She reminded me what I really love about tinkering and it was then that I decided that I wanna keep trying. It’s a process but I am working on it.”

The professor smiled a little. “You know… a lot of our students were unable to take the chemistry lab course in the fall, so we decided to organize another course now in the spring. As it happens, there’s still some room for new people in it. So, if you’re interested, you’re welcome. But remember, you would need to attend all the mandatory classes and complete the tasks that you are assigned, no exceptions. That means we will not be going easy on you just because of your fear.”

Leo’s eyes widened with surprise. He hadn’t expected to get a chance like that.

“Woah, thanks sir! I won’t let you down!”

“That’s good to hear,” the professor nodded approvingly. “Can I ask you a question, though? Why do you want to become a mechanical engineer? I mean, what exactly is it that fascinates you about it, other than the influences you have gotten at your home?”

Leo imagined that the professor could probably see the bolts and nuts moving in his brain as he formed his answer. “I… I wanna learn to develop products that will help us make the world a safer, more sustainable place for us. We engineers, if anyone, can develop technology that will help us achieve that goal. But that’s not all. I also wanna learn more so I can help to share the information forward. I wanna show kids who come from similar backgrounds as I that they should keep on dreaming. There was a time when my mom ate porridge - only porridge - for her meals so she could pay the rent when her business was slow, but she still kept doing it. Because that’s how much she cared about her job. And I want to continue in her footsteps.”

The professor shifted on his seat. “That is an admirable goal, Mr. Valdez. I hope you will succeed. Remember, you do have the skill – you just need to know how to use it.”

“Yeah… Thanks professor.”

“No problem. Don’t forget the class enrollments end tonight so you need to be fast if you want to participate. That’s all for now. Good luck in your future endeavors.”

“Thanks. I’ll go enroll myself then. Bye for now.”

“See you, Mr. Valdez.”

Leo breathed a long sigh of relief the moment he stepped out of the professor’s office. The meeting had gone way better than he had dared to expect. He hadn’t thought he would get another chance so fast, but was grateful for the opportunity. Now, he would only need to kick his fears into the deepest pits of Tartarus, as Calypso would say.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #percy jackson and the olympians #trials of apollo #my fics #caleo uni au

[spockandawe]

Hi.....if you don't mind me asking, what are your top 10 favorite books? And why? Sorry if you've answered this question before....

This is an interesting question, and a difficult one! Which is why I let it steep for a few days while I was in a bookbinding fugue, haha XD

I’m not sure I’ll be able to answer it, because my level of fondness is highly dependent on how recently I read a book/how many times I’ve reread it, with an optional nostalgia modifier if something made a huge impression in my youth. And when I’m picking favorites, as the number of potential [thing] expands, the more I end up dithering and fretting that I’m forgetting something HUGE as I choose. So rather than a selection of top ten, I’ll just run down through some of my favorites! I’ll split it as five cnovels (recent reads, current genre hyperfixation) and five more conventional english-language novel (realistically, probably more like series, unless a standalone book occurs to me), and I’m not going to rank the conventional novels.

SO. Regular novels first. There’s a heavy recently-read/frequently-reread element going on in here. 

The Imperial Radch trilogy, by Ann Leckie. Okay, I am a sucker for a nonhuman protagonist, which is going to pop up in at least two other entries. And I’m also a sucker for themes of what can be perceived about a person externally versus their internal world, and Breq delivers like WHOA. She has SO MUCH going on in her head, and even though we’re in there with her, she still hides lots of her emotions from us. And characters like Seivarden hit me in character development buttons that I’m a sucker for, and the whole idea of consciousness being split across multiple bodies is DELICIOUS to me. Also... love me a sentient spaceship. ‘The Ship Who X’ series by Anne McCaffrey isn’t going to make this list, but I also love it a lot. (also, a universe of ‘she’s made me realized how STARVED i was for that degree of representation in certain genres that i love a lot, but don’t often see myself in as often as i might like)

The Murderbot series, by Martha Wells. Another nonhuman, sometimes-human-passing protagonist! Another one processing MASSIVE trauma of a sort that I, the human reader, have to slow down a lot and try to comprehend from an extremely different life experience! I like that a lot, it really forces me to LINGER on the nature of what a character is feeling. And oh my god, Murderbot’s voice is one of my favorite pov voices of all time. And watching it work (or go hogwild on its own asdfdgd) is absolutely delightful. I love literally everything about this series, except what happened with Miki. Other than that? Flawless.

The Books Of The Raksura, by Martha Wells. Martha Wells is a DELIGHT, y’all. Also! Another heavily-traumatized, nonhuman protagonist! And this time, like... It’s a fantasy world with huge amounts of sentient species, and the protagonist grew up away from his people, who are basically a bunch of feral homesteaders (LOVE THAT), and is trying to figure out how to reintegrate into their societal structures as an adult. That desperate desire to belong and feeling of discomfort and not-fitting-in, and the connections he makes and the way he DOES find a way to fit... like if u crey every time. Also, as far as we’re shown, it’s a cheerfully bisexual, polyamorous society, and *grabby hands*

Discworld, by Terry Pratchett. God, what do I even say about this series. It was a PARADIGM SHIFT. It’s bitingly funny, and also just plain biting, and full of huge varieties of interesting stories, set in a fascinating world, with a series of protagonists who I love too much for words. Vimes! The witches! Moist!!! They’re all so WONDERFUL. I still haven’t read the last book in the series yet, because then it will be Over Forever, and I can’t deal. This one is heavily nostalgia-tinted, but also, I stand by it.

The Belgariad/Mallorean, by David Eddings. Okay. Also very nostalgia, and the choice I can justify the least. But these books CLICKED with me. I’m afraid to reread them, because I’ve been wallowing in queer fiction for so long I’m worried about what the compulsory heterosexuality will feel like, and I know both series are very... episodic, in a way that isn’t necessarily great literature. But I dunno! Feels good, man. It’s high fantasy with a magical system I like, segmented worldbuilding of a sort that isn’t necessarily WELL-MADE, but it’s like... comfortable and easy. And something about the style and the character voices just clicks with me. I have no idea how well these hold up in the present day, but I do love them, and I’ve been planning to reread at least The Redemption Of Althalus by the same author as a standalone before I commit to a 12-book rereading of this universe, but.... I like em XD

--

Cnovels! I think I can rank these, so let’s go for it.

Fifth favorite: The Disabled Tyrant’s Pet Palm Fish :B Look, it’s ridiculous. It’s a transmigration story where the lead enters this fictional universe in the body of a fish, where he is adopted by a prince who eventually falls in love with him, and YES IT IS TAGGED MPREG, BUT HOLD ON A MOMENT-- I don’t know! I came here to point and laugh, but I’m honestly having such a good time right now. It’s really cute! And sweet! The main character is delightful, and the love interest is that particular flavor of semi-socialized upper-class young man, where like, can he do court politics? yes. can he politely express his affections for the main character? uh....... less so. It’s a really fun read, and I felt very sincere emotions about this prince who is passionately, deeply in love with his pet fish!

Fourth favorite: Mmmmmm, Mo Dao Zu Shi, I think. I struggle here, because it is NOT an easy book to read or show to watch, but having consumed the story, I love it to PIECES. I know a big draw for me is the protagonist, specifically, and his relationships to the people around him. And the more I cared about him, the more I wound up caring about the people around him, who I’d kind of neglected before, if that makes sense? It’s a story that really rewards some good old pondering. I didn’t care that much about Lan Xichen, but then I started thinking about how Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji relate to Lan Xichen, and then oh no, I care SO MUCH about his emotions, and now I’m thinking more deeply about how Lan Xichen relates to Jin Guangyao and Nie Mingjue-- It does lose points in this ranking because it IS hard to get into, and I would struggle to keep everyone straight even more if I didn’t have the show visuals to lean on, but it is still story I enjoyed VERY much.

Third favorite: Erha, but I feel REALLY, REALLY BAD that I can’t fit Yuwu on this list too, and I just want to loop them together. It’s time travel fixit fic, but it’s the book! Yes????? I love this. I love the striking character growth we get to see, and the changing perception of the world as the main character relives through events he already experienced and sees things in a new light, and I adore how Mo Ran’s growing guilt goes hand in hand with his growing love. And Meatbun in general... like, my god. I haven’t read another author who’s able to yank me through emotional whiplash so hard and fast. She makes me hoot with laughter one moment and then burst into tears the next. It’s absolutely wild. I love mxtx, and I think svsss/tgcf are gentler entry points into the genre and deal with lighter themes, but meatbun is seriously an UNBELIEVABLE writer if you can deal with the darker topics she covers.

Second favorite: The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System :V Look, I love it. I just love it. I love, again, characters dealing with the aftereffects of old trauma, plus I do also love seeing NEW trauma piled on top of it. I love having a main character with emotional dysregulation issues who doesn’t necessarily make good decisions, but doesn’t just leave me thinking ‘jfc what an asshole’, and I think that’s a really hard balance for an author to strike, especially without us getting direct pov. I love themes of being wanted and insecurity about being wanted, which is Luo Binghe’s major, major damage. And this is my first transmigration story I ever read, and the contrast between a main character who read the novel telling us about what’s totally going to happen versus the ground shifting under his feet is INCREDIBLY delightful to me. I’ve read other transmigration stories I enjoyed, but none that got my attention quite as much as this one.

First favorite: Tian Guan Ci Fu ;u; It’s so good. It’s so well-made! It’s so LONG, and it meanders, but also, I would scream if anyone tried to trim anything out of it. I am here a lot for the ship, honestly, but I also find the plot themes VERY interesting. I am very much here for reading about characters trying to process old trauma that’s been dredged up by new events, and also very here for the themes about how characters either pass their traumas along to the next generation, or try to shield the next generation from taking the same kind of damage (see: mdzs). And I’m also very much into tempering stories about pain with like... memories of kindness, and small acts of kindness repaid with an outpouring of devotion (see: svsss). But the craftsmanship in this book is just... DIVINE. I’m always reluctant to start rereading this one, because I have a terrible time stopping. There’s nothing about this book that I don’t like.

#spock replies #long post/ #thanad-zid

[thefloorisbalaclava]

Frankie on the day of their wedding, that is all ;)

this could very easily happen in the pragma universe. thank you for sending this in!

Frankie pulled on the bow tie uncomfortably, feeling as though he was suffocating.

“Leave it alone, man,” Santiago urged. “I fixed it like ten times already.”

“Do I have to wear this?” he asked.

“If I have to wear one so do you.”

Suddenly he pulled the bow tie from his neck. “Take yours off too.”

“She’s gonna be pissed,” Santiago said even as he pulled his bow tie off.

“Nah, not my girl,” Frankie said proudly. His girl was becoming his wife today. He smiled brightly.

“Did you ever think you’d see this day?” he asked.

“It’s kinda like I’m still dreaming. It’s not dream, right?”

“Nope. This is happening, hermano.” Santiago tapped him on the shoulders then loosened the top button of Frankie’s shirt. “Breathe easy.”

“I don’t think I’m gonna be able to catch my breath today. I probably wouldn’t be able to do this without you.”

“Even if I wasn’t here, you’d be walking down that aisle to your woman…your esposa. Can you believe it?”

Frankie shook his head and ran a hand over his face, his eyes filling with tears. “Sorry…I’m being ridiculous.”

“You’re being completely normal for a guy on his wedding day. I’d be more concerned if you didn’t get emotional.” Santiago hugged him, patting his back. “I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks man.”

“Okay. Let’s get our asses out there. Get the show on the road.” Santiago loosened his own top button before opening the door. “After you, amigo.”

Frankie smiled and walked to his spot at the end of the aisle with Santiago by his side.

He thought he’d be okay. He thought he had cried enough while he was getting ready with Santiago.

But then you walked out and you were walking towards him. When you looked at him and smiled, he lost all control of his emotions. His tears flowed freely even as he looked over at Santiago who seemed to be just as emotional as he was.

“Holy shit,” he whispered.

“Yeah,” was all Frankie could say before turning to you again. Everyone was snapping pictures and gasping but you only had eyes for him, your own tears wetting your cheeks. He was glad you decided to not wear a veil because he could see your face and you could see his.

By the time you reached him, you both had cried enough for everyone at the wedding.

“Hey handsome,” you said quietly, reaching up to wipe his tears.

“Hey gorgeous.” He wanted to kiss you right then and there.  

The sun was low in the sky and you couldn’t be happier that you both decided to have an outdoor wedding. The way the light shined on you, covered you in an orange glow and made Frankie’s brown eyes twinkle.

You hadn’t heard a word the justice of the peace had said until he mentioned something about the vows.

“I’ll go first if that’s okay,” Frankie said, looking back at Santiago who pulled index cards out his pocket and handed them to Frankie.

“Okay…so…I’m not good at this, but uh…everyone here knows how much I love this woman.” He pointed at you and everyone murmured and nodded in agreement. “She made me the man I am today.” He turned back to you. “I don’t know where I’d be without you. You came to me at a time when I was lost and helped me find myself again. You dealt with all of my bullshit even when you didn’t have to and that’s how I know that this is going to last forever. You’ve seen me at my worst and still stuck around.” He turned to the crowd again. “She’s a keeper.” Everyone smiled and laughed.

“I love you. I always will,” he finished as you wiped tears from your eyes.

“I don’t know how I’m gonna top that, y’all,” you joked as you took his hands in your own. “My Frankie,” you started. “I’ve called you that since…as long as I can remember. You’ve always been my Frankie, even the years when we were apart I think I always knew. And I called you mine for a reason. I was put on this earth to be yours. And I am yours forever. I love you, Francisco Morales.”

The ‘awws' and sniffles from the crowd couldn’t stop you from staring into his eyes—those brown eyes that made you melt every time.

*

Frankie's hands shook as he put the ring on your finger and yours did the same but when you finally were able to kiss, there was no more shaking, no other care in the world. Just your lips on his and that kiss held everything you both ever wanted. All the love, promises, past, present, and future were sealed with that kiss.

*

As you two danced together, all he could do was look into your eyes and smile.

“Are you happy?” he asked quietly.

“Of course. I’m beyond happy, actually.”

“Why?”

“Well, I dunno if you’ve heard but I married the love of my life today. See?” You showed him the very ring he put on your finger.

“Oh, that’s pretty nice but look at mine. Bam!” He held his hand in front of your face. “Married the woman of my dreams today.”

“She’s one lucky lady, huh?” you asked.

“Yeah but the guy is luckier.” With that, he kissed you the smiled against your lips. “The luckiest man in the world.”

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #francisco 'catfish' morales #triple frontier #pedro pascal #headcanon