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unloved-cadillac · 4 years

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Leather Jackets and Glasses Two

Y/n L/n, the leader of the notorious gang called The Scouts. Placed in Rose high, Y/n is in her senior year but things take a turn when she starts getting interested in a certain boy named, Levi Ackerman. Follow the journey of heartbreak, betrayal and love between two people who were destined to be together.

Chapter Two:

-What do you mean “you keyed the teacher’s car”!? Did you or did you not!?

My father yells at me. So yeah. He found out what I did.

-it’s not my fault, he was being an asshole. Dad, is 57 a bad score?

He looks at me curiously.

-Not really. I mean you passed. Why?

-When he gave me my paper, he freakin scoffed and rolled his eyes. He looked at me like some low life. So I taught him a lesson.

My dad chuckles. He leans down and cups my cheek.

-Honey, i know you did good. He is an asshole for doing that. Teachers are supposed to uplift your spirits and try and push you further because they believe in you. I can have a “chat” with him on Monday.

He finishes and kisses my forehead.

-Thanks, Dad. I wish I could say I was sorry.

-Don’t push it.

His stern voice caught me off guard.

-Sorry, sir. May I leave now?

He nods and I wake up and leave to my room. It seemed I wasn’t paying attention to where I was walking because I bumped into someone, making me fall to my ass.

-Oh Jeez Y/n. I didn’t even see you.

Mike says as he offers his hand to help me up.

-Yeah,you giant.

I wake up and dust my pants.

-I heard what you did to your teachers car. Not bad, kid. I did worse.

I raise my eyebrow to that. Mike always seemed so chill and not one to cause fights. But that was before I saw him and my dad interrogate one of our ex members. I can still hear his bones crack from Mike crushing that guy’s arm.

-What did you do?

-No no. I’m not giving you ideas. What did your dad say?

-Nothing.

He hums in response and starts to walk away.

-Hey Mike?

He turns to face me.

-You know what...never mind

I take off running to my room leaving Mike confused. I take out my phone as I enter. I dial a number and wait for them to pick up.

-hello?

-still on for tonight.

-aww HELL YEAH. Same time?

-yeah. I gotta sneak out though. So I might be a tad bit late.

-it’s fine. As long as you’re coming. Everyone is gonna be there.

I perk my ears up.

-everyone?

-yeah. From our grade. They wanted a pre-prom thing or something. Is it cool?

I smile.

-It’s perfect

~a couple of hours later

I put on my jacket and boots and head to my window. I jump out onto the roof and make my way to a ladder I left there earlier. I climbed down and make my way out of the years. So as you can see, I have been sneaking out for a while. It’s not like my dad cares, he never caught me and plus those guards are shit at their jobs. I hop over my gate and walk to the end of my neighborhood. I take a left and see Mikasa’s car, waiting. I hop into the passenger seat.

-Hey.

Mikasa says as she puts her cigarette out.

-Took you long enough.

-Yeah. Had some trouble with the ladder. Anyway, everyone is there?

-Yeah. Fucking sucks. All the nerds and jocks are there. Eren and Jean are there already too.

I smile. Nerds. Only one comes to my mind.

-Alright let’s go.

I tell Mikasa. She nods her head and puts the car into drive and we make our way to the party. This party was at the end of town. So it takes a good 15 minutes from my place. It’s at an abandoned scrapyard where not many people hang out. This place was perfect. It had these big old cars where you can chill in, some cool scrap metal. It was our little getaway.

-So...I see you have your eye on someone.

Mikasa tells me. I look at her confused. How the fuck...

-I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I say and look out the window.

-Yeah. Sure. I’ve seen you look at him. Eren may be stupid enough to believe you were looking at Reiner but I saw you look at Levi.

I widen my eyes, still not looking at her.

-Ok. Fine. But just so you know, he’s there too.

Mikasa smiles. I look at her and smirk.

-Stays between us.

-Don’t need to tell me twice.

The rest of the car ride was quiet apart from Mikasa’s radio playing. “Dead!” by My Chemical Romance was on. Perfect.

By the time we pulled up to the scrapyard it was half 8 at night so it was already dark out. Mikasa parks the car and we jump out.

-Yo look who’s finally here! Y/N!

Eren shouts from the fire. People looked at me and cheered. I look at the crowd looking for a certain someone.

-Finally. I thought you weren’t gonna come.

Eren says as he puts his arm around me.

-What are you drinking?

I take the blue cup from his hand and sniff.

-Vodka and Redbull.

-Jesus. As if you don’t need the extra energy.

I laugh. We go to the big fire that was burning in the middle of the yard. Only seniors were there so I knew everyone.

-Y/N!

I hear my name and turn to the source.

-oh fuck.

I whisper to myself. Reiner. That dipshit. He is such an asshole. Remember earlier when I told you that I was fairly popular, especially with the boys? He was one of the boys that just won’t give up.

-Reiner.

-Aw. No hi? I ran all the way across the yard for you.

-Well I didn’t ask you to.

I say as I sip my drink.

-So mean. Well, you won’t be mean on prom night. Because I’m gonna be your partner.

-Oh for fucks sake, Reiner. I told you. I don’t want to be your partner.

-Then who are you going with?

-Nobody. I’m not going.

I lie. In fact I was going. I wanted to trash the place. But when the time comes I’ll tell you about it.

-Aww come on,Y/n? Why won’t you give me a chance? I’ll treat you so good. I’ll do whatever you want. And when I say whatever, I mean whatever.

He finishes his sentence with a wink. Gross.

-Yo! REINER. COME THROW SOME BALL WITH US!

Someone calls out to him. He turns to them and yells out a “COMING!” He turns to look at me, smiles and runs off. I swear that guy tries so hard. As I take a sip of my drink,at the corner of my eye I see a couple of people coming to the yard. I recognize them immediately. Levi and Farlan.

-Levi Bro! You made it!

Isabel runs up to him and he ruffles her hair. Cute.

-And no “hey babe” for me?

Farlan asks Isabel. She laughs and kisses him. I’m not gonna lie they made a cute couple. Apparently, Isabel had no interest in Farlan at first. She never cared for finding a boyfriend. But one day, a bet was made that she couldn’t get his number in one day. She ended up telling him a shit joke and caught his interest. She had no intention of falling for him, but she did. She won the bet and his heart and I thought that was beautiful. It turns out I was daydreaming, again, because Eren is poking me.

-Yes, my hyperactive rodent?

I finally turn to him.

-I live for your weird names. Anyway, they starting a game. Come join.

-No Eren. I don’t do these games.

-Please,Y/n?

-No. I’ll watch though. Go.

He pouts but he leaves. I refill my drink and I make my way to an old car near to hear the game and sit on the bonnet. I look to my left and see someone sitting on the car next to me, but I ignore them and listen.

-Alright, seniors. It’s been an awesome night so far. So let’s play a game. Today’s game is Never Have I Ever. Everyone has to play. Even those sitting on the cars. Including you too, Levi.

I hear that name and look to my left. Holy shit, HE was sitting there. He scoffs and looks at Farlan who was sitting on the ground with Isabel on his lap. He turns and looks at me for a split second but does a double-take. I smile and wave a small wave. He widens his eyes and waves back.

-OK! First up, Sasha!

Connie points to her. She has her face stuffed with McDonald’s but speaks anyway.

-Nemver hamve I emver eaten Sushi.

I raised my eyebrow at that. That’s a weird one.

-Sasha, have you never eaten sushi?

Connie asks her. She shakes her head.

-it’s fucking disgusting. It’s the one food I won’t eat.

-Haha. Alright. Everyone if you didn’t eat sushi before, take a sip of your drink.

Yeah, everyone tried sushi so no one drank. I sneak a glance to my side and Levi also didn’t drink. Good to know.

-Ok. Never have I ever broken a bone.

Jean says. A few drink and I do too.

-ok whoever drank tell us what you broke.

Connie tells us.

-I fell down the stairs and broke my leg.

-I bumped into a door and broke my nose.

-I got knocked and broke a few.

A couple of people say. I laugh at some.

-Y/n?

I look up.

-You drank. Tell us.

Connie says. I smile.

-I got into a fight and broke my wrist and collarbone.

Many widen their eyes. Jean smiles. He smiles cause he remembers that fight.

-Hardcore, man. You aren’t labeled as dangerous for nothing, huh?

I shake my shoulders and chuckle. I sneak a peak to my left and see Levi staring. I smirk. He didn’t drink yet. Maybe he really was a good boy.

-Y/n. Your turn.

I put on a thinking face. Then I smile and say my line.

-Never have I ever had friends with benfits.

Many drank. Almost all. And few glances were sent. I look at Levi and he didn’t drink. Mmm.

-Now that was a good one, Y/n. Already getting dirty. Alright, Levi. Your turn.

I turn to look at him and see him look down. It’s quiet for a bit but then he speaks up.

-Never have I ever been arrested.

Jesus. That is unexpected. I would drink but surprisingly that never happened. But I did see Jean sip and Mikasa sip. The air got a bit tensed because Connie was gonna ask them about it. Until I caught his eye and slowly shook my head. He cleared his throat and smiled.

-Jeez Levi. Good one. Alright. Hange. You’re next.

Connie smoothly says. I look at Levi.

-That was good one. Why ask that?

I ask him. He looks at me. My God. This boy just got sexier to me.

-I don’t know. I felt like there needed to be a wilder one.

He says. I smile. I like his voice. I want him to speak again. But we get interrupted by Connie.

-Guys did you hear? Hange asked if you ever sent a nude.

I make a disgusted face and so does Levi.

-Jesus Christ no. What the fuck.

-Yeah Four-Eyes, what the fuck?

He turns to look at Hange. She was sitting between Erwin’s legs as he wraps his arms around her. Yes,they were dating and they also got together by chance. Erwin was her locker neighbor and he mistakenly tried to open hers instead of his. They laughed and a few days later got together.

Levi just swore. He just said “fuck”. I guess he wasn’t a good boy after all.

-Levi.

I say his name to catch his attention. He looks at me.

-Yes?

-Why did you give me your handkerchief the other day?

He blushes and looks down. He doesn’t say anything for a while.

-Your hand was bleeding and it looked like you didn’t have yours on you. Did you think I would just let you suffer like that?

He quietly says the end part. It was soft but I caught it. I smile.

-You’re sweet,Levi. Thank you. By the way you’re not getting it back.

-It’s ok. Keep it.

He says. I tilt my head. He really is strange. We weren’t even paying attention to the game anymore. So I just drank and looked at him. I guess he sensed I was staring so he looked at me.

-Y/n?

I snap out of my daydream.

-Oh sorry was I staring? I just can’t get enough of your cuteness.

I tell him. He widens his eyes and looks away, hiding a blush. I smile. He is so easy to fluster. The night progresses and people start to leave around 12. I stick around for a while with my gang. As we are chatting I see Levi and Farlan leave. He looks at me and I smile. He waves to me.

-I knew you liked him.

Someone says to me. I turn to that someone to see Mikasa light her cigarette.

-Shut up. I don’t like him.

-Tell that to your face. You can fool anyone with your stoicness but not me. I can clearly see that you’re blushing.

It was my turn to widen my eyes and look away. Fuck.

-Just take me home.

I say and Mikasa chuckles.

-Sure.

We leave and I see Levi and Farlan by their car. It looks like it’s not starting and the engine sounds like shit. Isabel tries starting it but the engine just give out.

-Dammit. I just got this fucker fixed last week.

I hear Farlan scream.

-I told you not listen to Kenny.

Levi responds. Kenny? That name seems familiar. But I brush it off and grab Mikasa’s arm.

-Hey. It looks like they are having car problems.

Mikasa smirks at me.

-Wanna help out?

I look at her and squint my eyes.

-..yes.

-Alright. Let’s go.

We walk up to them and Mikasa taps Farlan’s shoulder.

-Hey. You guys ok?

Farlan looks at us. He instantly recognized us.

-Oh. Oh yes. This damn car gave out.

Farlan tells us.

-Can I have a see?

I ask Farlan. He nods his head and make my way to the engine. I ask Isabel to try and start it. When she presses the accelerator there’s a weird sound coming from the back of it. I look inside and see something weird.

-Uhm Farlan? Do you have a pair of pliers?

He looks in his boot and pulls out a pair of pliers. He gives them to Levi and Levi comes and gives it to me.

-Oh. Oh, thank you.

I take it from Levi and smile. I stick the pliers in the back and pull out a wire.

-Ok, Isabel. Let’s try it one more time.

And when Isabel starts it, it successfully starts.

-WHOOHOO!

Isabel yells and Farlan moves to thank me.

-Thank you, Y/n. Thank you so much. How can I repay you?

I shake my head.

-Nothing. Just bring the car by Pixis’ Shop downtown. Tell him I sent you. He would do the car up for free.

-Whoa, what really?

-Yeah. Also, your engine is shit right now. Whoever did it before really did a number on it. It looks like they either didn’t know how to do it or they hated you guys.

Farlan laughs at that.

-That’s what Levi said. Our uncle recommended the shop. Levi said that they were gonna fuck up the car because they hated our uncle.

I look at Levi and he smirks.

-Yeah well, be careful on the road ok?

-Yeah. You too, Y/n. Thank you again.

-Thank you, Y/n!!!

Isabel shouts. I wave them off and walk to Mikasa’s car. She starts the car and we head off. Halfway through the drive Mikasa says something.

-He was staring the whole time.

I wake up from my light slumber.

-Huh?

-Levi. That whole time you were working on Farlan’s car. He didn’t take his eyes off of you.

I click my tongue.

-Nah. Perhaps it was the fact that I was working on his brothers car and also I’m a gangster and he was trying to make sure I didn’t fuck with them?

-Nope. This was a different look. I can’t put my foot on it but it was different.

-Hmm

I respond to her analysis. I roll my eyes. No. There’s no way he is interested in me.

===

*In Farlan’s car*

-Levi-bro! Y/n is so kind. Don’t you think? I didn’t expect her to know about cars, if im being honest.

Isabel tells him. He hums in response.

-I saw you two talking to each other at the party. You seem close.

Farlan says to Levi.

-No. We only recently started talking.

-But she’s super pretty up close, huh? And I think she likes you.

Isabel tells Levi as she leans on Farlan’s seat.

-No. I don’t think so.

-Why not???

-She has so many other options. Why would she go for the nerd of all people? I think she’s interested in Farlan.

-Levi! No! I’m with Isabel and I’m 120% sure she knows that. You really need to put yourself out there and stop thinking low of yourself. Plus, Y/n doesn’t seem like a person to go for someone who’s taken.

Levi clicks his tongue and looks at the road.

No. There’s no way a girl like her would like a guy like me...

———————————————————————

Here is Chapter Two. Feel free to message if you want to be added to my taglist.

Tagged: @windex-princess-gia

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #snk #aot fanfiction #Levi x gangster!reader #Captain Levi #modern au #high school au #rivai ackerman #Leather Jackets And Glasses #LJaG

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alexandjadasblog · 4 years

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It’s like Coffee and Nightmares had a baby

SO. NOT ALL OF YOU KNOW, SO I GOTTA SHARE.

Last year, I was in college. I was also working full time. It was literal hell. I was constantly exhausted, I lived on energy drinks and coffee.

I made a recipe for Mabel Juice out of desperation lmao

One 20 oz can of regular Redbull

One Whipped Strawberry Rockstar

One cotton candy Bang

One regular Monster

Mix all those up in a nice big pitcher and there’s your base. Now, if I had been able to find any, I would’ve added edible glitter. But nooooo I couldn’t find any of that so we’re going with that being optional.

One can any flavor Bang(I went with blue raspberry)

One can any flavor Rockstar(I used lime I think)

One can any flavor redbull( I went with blueberry)

One can any flavor Monster(I prefer the og monster so I actually added two of those

Your pitcher should be at least halfway full by now, if it’s not, ADD M O R E

Now, I forgot every time I made this, but I wanted to add a whole ass cup of sugar to the final mixture. I also was going to add gummy worms and sanitized plastic dinos, but I didn’t want my fam to freak tf out lmao

Anyways, the result was over 2k mg of caffeine. I drank this shit like it was water. How am I alive? idk ask Mabel.

If anyone asks, you didn’t get this recipe from me!

#admin alex #gravity falls #mabel pines #Mabel juice

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luckjustkissedyouhello · 5 years

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ISAIP Fic Teaser - Love So Sterng I: Pound Puppy Eyes

I’m working on a fanfic. i’ve been working on it forever....since January. It’s easily the longest fanfic I’ve every written, and clocks in at ~42,000 works. AND I’ve finished it. Currently, @brownwithafrown is very kindly betaing it. I discovered, on reaching the ending, that the fic will be a series. I’m so proud of finishing that i thought i’d post the the opening scene tonight.

Warnings (for the fic in general, not just the opening scene): Graphic violence. Foul language. More violence (in this scene). Blood. Vomit. Mentions of past (physical) child abuse and neglect, as well as mentions/discussions of past childhood sexual abuse (aka: Uncle Jack). Self harm. Prescription drug misuse. Anxiety/Panic Attacks. Non-canon Character Death. [I think that’s all - am I missing any @brownwithafrown?]

This scene especially is heavy on the violence/whumping of Charlie and Mac. The endgame is CharMac, though this fanfic doesn’t go there. No other pairings in this fic,

Title: Love So Sterng I: Pound Puppy Eyes

Summary: One of Frank’s bad choices has dire repercussions for two members of The Gang. Can they (and their friendships) survive the aftermath?

Mac doesn't register what he's hearing, at first.

He's down in the basement, rearranging the boxes of extra booze. Charlie complained he piled them too high. There was a step stool right there, for that very reason, but Charlie said he didn't like climbing on things, (not if he wasn't blitzed out of his head on inhalants and climbing a leaning tower of boxes to freedom via an air vent, apparently). And when Dee went down to get rum, she just squawked that the boxes were too heavy and that she was dizzy from basement fumes. Dumb bitch. So now Mac is pulling down the boxes, taking out four bottles per box so that there's only eight rather than twelve in the box, and stacking the boxes so they're chest height, no higher.

It's not his fault that he didn't know his own strength anymore (not that anyone gives a shit how hard he worked to look good and keep them safe with his hot new rockin' bod) and so he made the boxes too heavy. He hated doing inventory anyway because of this. Everyone had an opinion, but no one did the work (not that he didn't try to slide out of it himself). Also, it's not his fault that he couldn't find any more boxes. So now there's a lot of liquor bottles all around him on the floor. Brown liquor, clear liquor, whatever the hell Jägermeister is… And Mac may be debating snagging a few bottles for his and Dennis's place. It's not really stealing, if he's taking something he'd just drink in the bar without paying, right?

He has to admit, it's a decent workout, lifting boxes and moving things around, which is why he put on his workout mix a little while ago. The music tells his body to go more faster. So his ear buds are in, not even at maximum volume, but it still takes a while for him to realize that there is an awful lot of stomping and crashing going on upstairs for a bar that is closed. Charlie is up there cleaning while Mac moves the stock around. They closed early, it was only eleven on a Tuesday, but Dee was out on a 'date' (yeah, right) and Charlie was bummed because he hadn't seen Frank in days, and Mac was bummed because Dennis was in North Dakota again, visiting D/BJ ('don't call him Dennis-slash-Brian Junior' Dennis had shouted at him, but Mac thought the nickname was great and wanted to keep it - at least until the rest of the gang heard it - they had rules about this, banning of nicknames was not allowed without the nicknamer and nicknamed present, as well as at least one other member of the gang). So they decided to have a movie night to keep Charlie's spirits up. Which was why he is thinking about what liquor to snag – whiskey was winning out because Charlie tended to get sad as shit when he drank vodka straight and if Mac was honest with himself, Jägermeister made him kind of violent (the last time he had drank nothing but Jäger and Redbull, he put his hand through the mirror in the apartment's bathroom) when he accidentally sets a box on the earbuds cord and doesn't realize until the little earbud is ripped out of his right ear as he turns to grab the next box.

Just in time to hear a loud thud and Charlie scream. Mac's guts turn to ice. Because he knows each and every one of Charlie's screams, from frustrated to happy, sad to hungry, stoned to confessing love, (Charlie screams a lot) and that one was a rare one. That was the sound of pain. Charlie says something, Mac can just pick up on the highest sounds through the floor, and then there's another, softer thud than the one before.

Silence. Something is not right. Mac knows it in his bones. He runs for the stairs, he can't leave Charlie of all people alone up there with a threat, Charlie wasn't good in situations like this, didn't know how to ever just shut up and follow instructions, listening to the robber's words rather than getting distracted by like the light reflecting in a puddle or whatever else caught his eye – Mac once watched Charlie stare at the point of a mugger's knife for, like, three whole minutes before getting his wallet out while Mac and the crackhead *both* screamed at him fork over his cash. Which was only two dollars, in nickels, for some odd reason. Charlie was lucky Mac was with him and he didn't get knifed then, 'cause Mac was more smart and took Charlie's arm and ran as the mugger stared at his fistful of silvery metal and got this frustrated I'm gonna stab you anyway look on his face.

And. Yeah. No one is supposed to hurt Charlie. Not when Mac is around. He had made that promise to himself, and out loud to Charlie when they were like eight and Charlie had crawled through his bedroom window (scaring the shit out of Mac, who didn't know Charlie could climb up the side of his house like Spiderman!), sobbing and refusing to say why. Eight year old Mac was Ronnie then, and he held on to his friend and promised that he'd protect him, which just made Charlie cry harder. Mac had never forgotten that promise, and in school he caught more than one beating that was meant for the other man (and okay, sometimes Charlie got his ass kicked on Mac's behalf, but those weren't Mac's fault!), but Mac had made a promise to his oldest friend that day nearly forty years ago. He isn't going to break that now!

Charlie's rat bashing stick is leaning against the wall by the basement door. Without any other weapon, Mac decides it is better than nothing. Part of him is tempted to hide down in the basement and not come out. If it was anyone else up there alone, maybe he'd do that. But there's another thud, and now he can hear through the basement door the other guy's deep voice - fuck he's probably big - and Charlie's higher one shouting something, but he can't figure out what the fuck either of them are saying.

Charlie shouts again in pain, and that gets Mac moving again. It's Charlie. He can't leave him. Even if Mac is so scared his guts are frozen ice, he knows he has to see what's going on. He edges into the keg room, glad the door is open into the bar and he can sneak over to the doorway. What he sees makes him want to turn tail and hide, but also go over and beat the man's brains in with his bare fists.

Charlie is curled up fetal on the floor, on arm around his middle and the other up over his head, and Mac is pretty sure there's blood on Charlie's face, but he can't really see at the angle he's at. The dude, who is about Mac's height but looks much less beefy, but he's got a gun pointed at Charlie, and that's scarier than if Arnold himself was in the room. Mac heart is thudding so hard in his throat as he watches that he's afraid they both will hear it thudding and give him away, but they don't. The man just boots Charlie in the face, twice in rapid succession, boom boom without giving Charlie a chance to recover or even get his hands up to protect himself and says calmly: "I know you know where Frank is," while Charlie groans in pain, blood leaking between his fingers as he cups his hand to his smashed and bleeding nose.

"I don't!" Charlie answers, his voice is muffled by the hand he's got to his face, but it makes something twist in Mac's chest to hear Charlie sounding desperate and clogged with blood.

The man growls, actually growls and Charlie tries to shrink away, but he's got a dazed look on his face like he's not all there anymore and Mac can't blame him. Being kicked in the face is disorientating. The man reaches down and wraps his free hand in Charlie's hair and pulls up - Charlie cries out and has to grip the man's arm to keep from losing hair. The man shakes his fist and jerks Charlie's head around (wow, Mac's never seen an adult do that to another adult, though his father was fond of doing that to him when he was being a little bitch that didn't listen good). The man lets go of his hair and looks at the sleeve of the gray blazer he's wearing, marked by the blood that was on Charlie's hand.

Charlie's eyes go wide and he starts to raise his hands up, but the stranger is quicker. Mac watches it happen in what feels like slow-motion, helpless to stop it, the man swinging the gun in his hand in a wide, punishing arch that ends with a crack against Charlie's left cheekbone and Charlie starts to fall to the side, but the man grabs Charlie's shirt collar in his fist to keep Charlie upright and hits Charlie in the face with the gun twice more so quick Charlie doesn't get a chance to brace himself between blows. The bastard isn't giving Mac a chance to step in, he's got the gun too close to Charlie for Mac to try and stop him - he can't take the risk that the man will shoot Charlie before he will get to them.

Seeing the man just whale on Charlie makes Mac angry, his hand tightens on the Rat Stick as he watches. He prays as he does because he can't *do fucking anything*, just watch as the man lets go of Charlie's shirt and Charlie fucking crumples to the ground with a moan of pain. Mac fucking prays more in those moments than he has in the last year, begging God or Jesus or like, Saint Jude (the patron saint of lost causes and therefore pretty much the one that probably gives a shit about guys like Mac and Charlie) to step in and not let Charlie get shot. Mac isn't sure what he'll do if Charlie were to die.

Charlie doesn't get shot. Instead, he fucking *writhes* on the floor, banging his right fist into the ground, hard, muttering 'fuck, fuck, fuck!' under his breath. Like that can distract from the pain that his face must be in. Mac hates himself for just watching, but he knows, he *knows* he only has one chance to surprise the bastard with the gun and get Charlie (and him) out of this alive.

The bastard points the gun at Charlie. "Tell me where Frank is and I won't shoot you in your fucking face."

"I don't know where he is," Charlie says, his voice is still desperate, that sad desperate of someone who knows that they won't be believed, even though he's telling the truth.

The asshole growls again, and steps towards Charlie, the gun pointed at the floor as he raises his foot to kick Charlie again. And Mac decides that's it. Here's his chance. He needs to step in now, while the gun is pointed at the floor rather than Charlie. Mac finds that despite how much he hates seeing Charlie hurt, how much he hates this guy for hurting Charlie, a large part of him wants to be a coward and hang back, rush for the safety of the basement and hide there. But he can't do that. Can't leave Charlie to get beat up more, or worse.

Mac raises the bat and runs at the bastard. The guy turns to him just as Mac swings the bat. The spiked bat makes solid contact with the prick's head, Mac feels the shock of it connecting go down his arms (it's like driving a speeding car into a brick wall) and then Mac is sitting on his ass, having fallen for a reason he can't quite figure out for a long, dazed moment.

The guy hits the ground, the bat sticking to him, a spike shoved into his right eye, another driven in to his cheek. Mac stares at him, because the guy isn't moving, not even to breathe, and Mac still isn't sure why he's sitting down, except that *he* can't breathe and something catches his eye, he looks away from the not moving man and looks down at himself, because the something that caught his eye was blood, bright red and on his chest and it's his blood, and...and....there was a bang of the gun going off, wasn't there?

+++

end of teaser.

Thanks for reading!

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softmoxymuffin · 5 years

Text

Hot Cocoa and Surprise Hugs

part 4 of the check please series. this one took a little longer to write. been so busy with school. tomorrow i’ve got a pta meeting with my pupil’s parents and i should have been prepping but i just felt the need to get this out before i could do any work (excuses.. excuses)

any way the rest of the series is down below

Chapter 1: Check Please

Chapter 2: Airplanes and Automobiles

Chapter 3: Tellin’ the Folks

Chapter 4: Hot Cocoa and Surprise Hugs

Chapter 5: Breakfast Sandwiches

Chapter 6: Learning Experience

Chapter 7: Keeping up Defenses

Chapter 8: Confessions in the Bitter Cold

still have no idea where this fic is going.. but it definitely is going. got some ideas where and how. just about finding the time to write it up. i hope you can be patient and bear with me

as always (realized i hadn’t written this disclaimer on any of my ambrollins stuff). kindly do not take the fanfiction too seriously. it’s just a fantasy between us fans. it means nothing and it’s not made to judge or attack the people who inspired the story... just enjoy it for what it is... just a fun read (if you like it.. if not then hope you find a better one.. there’s tons of them out there)

anyway... rambling.. enjoy the fic

Seth shot up sitting on his bed. How his feet dangled on the edge reminded him exactly where he was; in his too small childhood bed, in his childhood room, in his childhood home. He leaned back on his elbows breathing hard. His heart beating a little too fast in his chest. Not really knowing why. He lied back down and closed his eyes. He tried to reach back into his mind for what exactly he had dreamt of that made him go into a cold sweat in the middle of the Iowa winter.

He was with Dean at that restaurant again. They had their meal and a couple of drinks. They had walked back to their hotel room opting to take the time to rest the night before driving all the way to the next state for the show. They made way to their shared room. They took off their jackets, then shirts, and then the rest of their clothing. It started with soft touches and a kiss at the nape of Seth’s neck. Broad warmth across his back made him hot all over. The shared touches turned to gropes, kisses on necks moved to lips. Their casual talk turned to moans it was right as Dean had pushed him back onto their hotel bed when he had been rudely awaken from his dream.

Another loud sound coming from the outside his room had finally made him get up and out of his bed. He walked down the hall and made his way towards the voices coming from their kitchen. He could hear his mom and his stepdad’s joint laughter, one always coming along with the other. His brother Brandon’s slight wheeze of a laugh, and his sister Dd’s light giggle. Laughter that seemed to only get louder after the a familiar rumble of a voice spoke animatedly something about ‘a wild elephant that seemed to have gotten lose in the middle of the Vegas strip.’ Seth couldn’t help but smile knowing the people he loved the most were happy and all in one spot.

He turned the corner to confirmed his suspicions. At the sink was his mom who was putting a stack of dishes in the sink. His stepdad at the stove was flipping his nth pancake. His brother Brandon was leaning against the counter top as he sipped his coffee. Dd was still seated at the dining room and was leaning a pretty close to the newly arrived Dean.

“Good morning sleeping beauty!” the more than a little road worn man greeted with a huge smile on his face. “How’d you sleep?”

“Better than you I’m sure.” Seth teased as he made his way towards his best friend for a their usual friendly handshake, but Seth was a little surprised when the other man had actually stood up and opened his arms for to give a big hug.

Seth really shouldn’t be so surprised. For a man so private and guarded as Dean could be, he was always very tactile and touchy. What he didn’t always said in words he’d say with action; a hug for a warm hello, a playful smack on the ass for encouragement in the middle of a match, and maybe if you’re unlucky a hard punch when he didn’t particularly like you. Dean was a hugger, but something about this seemed a tiny bit off. Maybe it was how dean leaned his head a little more on his shoulder, or how his arms stayed around his waist longer than a couple of seconds, or maybe Seth was just overthinking again.

“You stink.” He teased the dirty blonde as he pulled back a tiny bit.

“Give me a break,” he said in mock defense. “I had to drive like 12 hours to get here.”

‘So why did you?’ Seth was so tempted to ask but knew it was neither the time nor the place for it.

“Well you definitely smell like it.” Seth teased even further, not really knowing why but it seemed like teasing the other man this way seemed effective for Seth to forget exactly what he had been thinking about only a couple of minutes ago. “Aren’t you dead tired by now? Take a shower and get some shut eye will ya.” He urged his friend to get some rest.

“Can’t. I’m still jacked up from all the Redbull I drank.” He said as he took another sip from his mug.

“And you’re drinking coffee?!” Seth exclaimed as he reached for his friend’s drink.

“Relax princess,” Dean said as he pulled the mug away from the brunette’s grabby hands. “It ain’t coffee… It’s actually your mom’s special cocoa.” The blonde smiled cheekily as he took another sip of it..

“Wait…” Seth paused and made a comically slow turn towards his mom with accusing eyes. “You’re special cocoa? The one you only make on Christmas morning?”

Holly only smiled and shrugged. “He looked like needed it.” She answered simply then went back to washing the dishes.

Seth goes back to looking at his best friend with utter disbelief.

Without missing a beat, Dean looked at Seth squarely in the eye and silently mouthed ‘your mom loves me’ then gave the him a smug smile.

The Armenian stood there utterly annoyed by the other man but the fact that his siblings were trying their best, and failing to suppress a laugh, was enough to make him break and chuckle himself.

He knew exactly how Dean was on a nearly daily basis at work, how could he ever have thought he’d be any different now. The blonde was full of charisma, all 6’4 of him. He could charm the pants off just about anyone. Seth smiles to himself, which quickly turned sour, how that little flutter under his ribs reminded him of how his dream at went.

Seth busied himself by grabbing a mug of coffee for himself, but only after he discreetly tried to check if his mom had made more cocoa, but was disappointed to realize that she was already cleaning up. She had only made cocoa for Dean. Seth didn’t know he could feel both jealous and inexplicably happy all that the same time.

“So, Dean,” Holly spoke as she put away the last of the dishes. “How long will you be staying with us?” she asked with complete sincerity in her voice.

Seth could tell she meant nothing bad about it, only to know how much she should adjust and prepare for their guest. But for a split second, Seth noticed an embarrassed look on his best friend’s face. Doubt anyone else could have noticed it, but Seth definitely did but again said nothing and kept his mouth busy by taking a sip of his coffee.

“Uhhhmm, well-” Dean seemed to stall, finding the right words “I’m not really sure actually… Family is not expecting me. Mom and Dad are enjoying themselves with their respective others… and my sister and her family is spending time with her in-laws in Jersey…” it was one of the rare occasions Seth saw the other man sort of lost for words.

Before he could save him, God bless his mother had done it first. “Well then, their lost…” she said a welcoming smile. “You’re welcomed here for as long as you want.” Then subconsciously turned to Hector who only nodded in silent agreement.

Seth looked around the room and saw his whole family more than willing, but actually happy to welcome his friend into their home. Brandon and Dd too, with the former muttering a ‘welcome to the chaos’ and the latter smiled a little too warmly with her hand brushing against the older man’s knee.

The Armenian didn’t really know how to process that, so he decided to chuck it off and grab his friend off. “Come on Dean… before you pass out in my mother’s kitchen.” He teased, but seriously did pull him away from his sisters grabby hands.

The dirty blonde gave a yawn after finishing off the cocoa and motioning to go and rinse it himself, but was cut off by Dd who gently grabbed it and said that she could take care of it for him. It made Seth glare at her, before leading the other wrestler deeper into their home.

They first picked up Dean’s things, which was mainly his bag’s from before just by their front door. Seth took the one bag and Dean the other, as they walked through the house rather quickly as the younger of the two pointing where everything was.

They finally got to the guest bedroom where Seth left Dean with his things as he went to retrieve a couple of toiletries the assumed the man needed. He walked back to the guest room seeing the other man now sleepy eyed and sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Come on big guy,” he urged. “You should take a hot shower for a bit, it’ll make you feel better, it’ll help you take your beauty rest.”

“Think you’re mom’s cocoa already did that. What did she put in that thing, Ambien?” he joked, while trying and failing to stop another yawn.

“Nope, just lots of love… which could also be Ambien.” He joined in the teasing, before he grabbed the taller man by the hands and pulled him upright. “Now, come on. I’ll get the shower heated for you.”

Seth went to the guest bathroom and turned the shower on, adjusting the knobs to get the temperature just right for Dean. Once he got that and steam started to form on the mirror, Seth came back out.

The younger man stopped right outside the bathroom door. Whatever he was supposed to say now totally gone as he couldn’t stop but stare at the sight in front of him. While he was gone, Dean had gotten comfortable and took his boots, socks, and hoodie off. He was just about to take his signature tank off when he stopped to look at the other man curiously.

“What?” he asked, his voice gruffer from the exhaustion.

“Huh?” Seth snapped out of it. “Nothing man, just saying the shower is ready.” He felt like he gulped down his own tongue.

The older man seemed too tired to even notice anything weird about his friend. He only shrugged and continued to take his tank off.

Seth embarrassed turned to look away, which absolutely made no sense to him why he felt the need to. This was Dean, a man he had been working with for almost a 10 years now. He’d even fought with and against the same man in the exact amount of undress he was in right now. When the hell did Seth develop an embarrassment over it?

Seth mentally asking questions he couldn’t answer, as he gathered together the toiletries he had gotten for the said man. Seth was just about to leave it right by the bathroom door and leave the other man in peace.

“Wait, Seth.” he called out to him.

Seth turned as he was ready to leave, his hand so close to reaching the doorknob. He stood there, a little to tensely, willing his body to function normally for God sake. He had no idea why he was so damn nervous to be alone in a bedroom with a half-naked Dean Ambrose. Reviewing the situation, it should have been painfully obvious why.

“I just… I wanna…” Dean started, but again seemed to have trouble finding the right words.

Seth would have understood the shyness with his family, but couldn’t place to why he seemed to act the same with him right now.

Dean walked closer, and dropped his voice to a low whisper as if he were about to tell the other man a secret. “I… I want to say thank you.. for this. I know it’s pretty weird.”

“You’re pretty weird.” Seth said reflexively out of nowhere, and regretted for a second.

It did make the older man smile, but Seth noticed it was not a real smile. It was a little sad, before recovering by replying “That I am… and thanks.. for understanding that. I know you must wanna ask me some things, and I wanna tell you somethings.. but.. not right now.”

“That’s ok.” Seth reassured. “You don’t have to explain anything.”

“But I want to,” the other man admitted in weak voice. “I want to.. just… you know..”

“Not now,” he nodded in understanding.

“Yeah,” he gave a tight, closed-lip smile.

“Like my mom said,” Seth replied. “You can stay here as long as you want.”

Dean smiled, a real one this time. It was small, but Seth knew it was real.

Dean looked like he was just about to thank him again, but Seth cut him off only to add “No, thanks needed man… I’m here for you.”

Dean smiled a little more now, before he again surprised the younger man with a hug. Seth felt Dean’s warm skin against his forearms. The other man’s bear chest a little stickily against the shirt print of his old Shawn Michaels t-shirt. Surprisingly of all, the taller man’s face lowered to lean down against Seth’s shoulder. His sleep heavy weight feeling somewhat comforting on the younger man.

Seth wrapped his arms around him back. Whatever Dean was going through, Seth was more than happy to be here for him for as long as he needed him to be.

#check please series #blagamuffin writes stuff #ambrollins #ambrollins fanfiction #super late holiday fanfiction #it wasnt meant to be a holiday fanfiction #but needed an excuse to why both seth and dean had time off from wrestling #and enough time off to actually spend time with seth's family #all purely fiction #none of this is real #just for fun #slow burn friends to lovers #family bonding #jealousy #pining #seth pining for dean's cute ass #i love these two #havent been this inspired in so long #thank you ambrollins

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omgitsbettertodothantonot-blog · 5 years

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Day 1 (5/2/2019) Friday

Im making these diary entries online because i feel to embarassed and dont trust my family to give me the some fucking privacy to write on a peice of paper. I guess this is to just vent and say some juicey shit about people around me. I am not doing this to hurt those around me im doing this to get some fucking sanity and not keeping it in. All name used shall be changed and any information that may lead back to me or those in a situation described shall be changed a bit for pricacy reasons. This could be a daily thing to do and its easier than writting on paper.

Anyway this is my daily life, I wake up around 7am each moring and i have about a hour before the child i babysitt wakes up. Hes 2 years old, for his privacy ill be calling him bubbs. Hes a cool kid, he doesnt act out or have much tantrums, i learned to be thankful that i get to have a kid like him. Last month i went on a roadtrip with my aunt to Colorade, Denver. It felt like a total shitshow, but i often dwell on the negative alot of the time over the many positive times. Well on the entire way over he was crying and having alot of tantrums, oof. When we went the only states i been to were Arizona, and New Mexico, and the tip of Neveda (lol the tip hah).

I shouldn’t look back with irritation, and restlessness and headaches caused by a crying child, another two children complaining, and staying in a 12 hour drive, and drinking a hell lot of redbull and monster drinks. But instead i should look back and remember the 2000′s songs that my aunt played on the radio that gave me alot of nostolgia, and the well written audiobook that i read (btw it wasn’t like freakin moby dick or tales of two cities, it was fanfiction). I remember how cold the air felt in the roads near the mountains in colorado, it was so cold that the water was freezing and so was the air. In Denver the streets were interesting. They had alot of small narrrow alleyways that were inbetween houses and shops. There were alot of small houses, and guess what? they had BASEMENTS!dd!!!! I think that was the first basement i was ever in. We stayed in my Aunt;s friends house for about 2 days. There was a wife and husband and 2 children, The girl was about 6 and the boy was like 3. The girl was well mannered and got along well with my neice( aunts daughter). The young boy was 3 and was always very energergetic, he played aroung with bubba (child i babysitt). They were a bit rowdy.

Their house was beautiful, it had a wooden fence, and gravel in the front yard, It was a red brick house, with white borders and a patio with a roof. There were chairs, a bench, chak, and toys in the front. They didn;t have a backyard, but they had a basement fillled with toys and internet, tv, and the disc of the new animated into the spiderverse movie, I loved the movie. The graohics were amazing, the anomation was on point,

The restroom had a beautiful stain glass geometric window, a showerhead, and had a farmhouse door wirh a lock that you have in a hotel so noone knocks open you unlock your door to checks who there. They gave us a room that had a bunk bed a pull out matress and soft ass beds.

AFter our vist with them we spent the night in alberquerque and it was a suite in a resort, it was a big room. it was like PRETTY WOMAN BIG. They had a fucking telephone beside the toliet. AND GET THIS the bathtub had jets inside them. and they had a cool flipping mirror and big mirrors with a on/off swith.And they also had a shower with cobbleston interior and a cool showerehead, The kitchen was styled like a bar and there was balconey, a jump from there would cause immediate death.

On the way back i drank a unhealthy amount of cafffine and sugar, even for ME! I had about in total 1 starbucks carmel macchiatio venti , 5 redbulls, and 3 monster drinks, and another 1 cup of normal black coffee with a hint of creamer.

On our way to Denver, Colorado we met another one of my Aunts dear friends, They were humble as fuck, and had great hospitality. They seemed very oped people, and they had a dog, a piano, a baby, and amazing food. Their Father was my Aunt’s 4th grade Creative Writting Teacher. He had gentle steel blue eyes, and he had a aura that was comfortabel yet defensive, and the Mother was the same. I belive that they didn’t want to be judged and hur by strangers by showing vunerbility. They have a daughter and a son that i met. Ther daughter grew up with my aunt in Ganado, Arizona, on the rez(servation). The mother i think was a nurse, and their son was very inviting and nice. Their son showed us the dog and was giving some commentary on the football game. The daughter was a singer and in a band called THE HAUNTED WINDCHIMES. They were very generious people, they gave us the pleasure of a homecookes meal, some coffee for the road, and offered us a room to spend the night in. They did all this for us, they faced many hardships in life, be what i can tell. They have a mentally challenged son that is 28 years old. At first i thought he was a teenager. I believe thats why they were so defensive. I also have a mentally challenged sister, but not to the degree of their son. I should give them a proper thank you for their hospitality when i see them again.

Also the daughter has a baby thats very cute, she and bubbs bonded and the baby got some social contact and excercise.

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internet----girlfriend-blog · 6 years

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On Saying Goodbye, or Making Meaning Out of Nothing

I’ve never been great at saying goodbyes. Generally, I will stand around uncomfortably and shift myself closer and closer to the door until I can escape. With phone conversations, it’s even worse. It’s not that I don’t want to talk, it’s just that I can’t deal with the silence that comes before saying goodbye. Most people who know me understand by now that they can expect an abrupt hang-up instead of a goodbye. I think this is mostly because I have an irrational fear of permanence and would rather leave abruptly than face the absoluteness that comes with a goodbye. This is probably because I am mostly a very overdramatic Sagittarius and I watch too many movies.

I moved out of my parents’ house for the first time when I was eighteen. Within a week of graduating high school I was in the next state over. I didn’t have a hard time saying goodbye to my family but I cried like a baby when I hugged our dog for the last time before leaving. At least my mom could text; the dog didn’t have thumbs. I had expectations that this move would be much more emotional and dramatic, maybe even grandiose, but it was quiet and calm and unassuming. Again, I watch too many movies. I backed out of the driveway in my Kia and tried not to think about our dog. This was my first goodbye that ever really mattered; if you ask my Aquarius mother, it is the only goodbye that’s mattered so far.

While trying to escape the small town I grew up in, I ended up in an even smaller town. The name of this town is irrelevant because it’s so small that Google Maps won’t even recognize it as a real place. The deluxe Sheetz gas station was the main attraction, and the closest grocery store was a forty-five minute drive away. I lived with my first serious boyfriend in this town. He was the first Aries I dated. We stayed in a large apartment over a lawyer’s office and in the summer I sat in front of the windows and listened to people shout and argue with each other about things that I didn’t understand at the time. Our neighbors were visited by the cops almost weekly because their fights got so bad that someone always ended up getting hit. I spent a lot of nights in my room with my ear pressed to the wall, listening to their fighting and learning all of their intimate secrets. I didn’t think this was weird at the time. Our lease ended the following summer and, no longer fueled by the intensity of the honeymoon phase of our relationship, we decided to part ways. I didn’t cry once but he did keep my record collection, which hurt more than anything else. I drove back to Ohio in the same Kia and tried not to think about my limited-press editions that I would never see again. This was my second goodbye that ever really seemed to matter.

I moved back into my parents’ house when I was nineteen. I stayed in their attic and drove twenty-five minutes to work in Cleveland every day. I worked in a tiny restaurant that made most of its money from breakfast rushes and overpriced alcohol. It sat on the corner of Detroit Ave and bragged about the “friendly neighborhood atmosphere” more than embodied it. I wasn’t allowed to park in the parking lot of this tiny restaurant and I acquired more parking tickets in that time than tip money. The men who worked in the kitchen would crudely talk about my haircut and my facial piercings and the way my ass looked in skinny jeans. The turnover rate was incredibly high, mostly due to the fact that the woman who owned the restaurant was batshit fucking insane and known to be violent. I quit my job at this tiny restaurant when I was twenty and still living at home. I quit in the middle of a particularly hectic morning shift when I dropped a Bloody Mary on the floor and the owner called me an idiot in front of customers. The Bloody Mary shattered on the floor and stained my white Vans with tomato juice. I walked out, collected the parking ticket from my windshield, and drove home. I was never able to get the stains out of my shoes; it almost felt like one final “fuck you” from the tiny restaurant. This goodbye doesn’t really matter that much now but it felt like it mattered at the time.

I moved out of my parents’ house for the second time when I was twenty. I lived in an apartment in Cleveland Heights with three other people that I didn’t really know. The apartment was overpriced with high ceilings and narrow hallways. There was always trash everywhere and the kitchen smelled like rotting food. A rice cooker sat in the corner, generally filled with molding rice. The bathroom had a standing shower with a perpetually clogged drain and dirty clothes covered the floor. I was a freshman in college and I spent most of my time at the school to avoid being in the gross apartment. I stayed over at friend’s places and only came home when absolutely necessary. I smoked a lot of weed and did a lot of acid and didn’t sleep and lived off of Clif bars and sugar-free Redbull. I broke up with my then-boyfriend because he was cheating on me with a woman twentyish years older than me. She was a sexually robust woman in her forties who went by the name Bunny and she had a daughter who was also older than me at the time. We met at a mutual friend’s party and she introduced herself by telling me that my boyfriend was good with his tongue. This initially confused me because mostly, I just thought he tasted like Marlboro Reds. I smoke American Spirits. He was the second Aries I dated, coincidentally with the same first name as the first Aries. I never spoke to him again. This goodbye mattered because I no longer had anybody to bring me free weed and help me build IKEA furniture in my shitty apartment.

I turned twenty-one over the winter break of my freshman year of college. I was living with my parents again, after leaving the shitty apartment during Thanksgiving break. All of my friends were out of state so I bought myself a cheap bottle of gas station wine and invited a boy from Tinder over to my house. We made out on the couch and I knew he was going to hurt me. He did. He was a poet and a playwright with a big ego and a vaguely Italian-sounding name. He lived with his mom and did stand-up comedy on the weekends. I will never trust a stand-up comedian. He was a Capricorn, which also cannot be trusted. He made fun of me for listening to emo music and I made fun of him for liking musical theater. We went on for months, sleeping together and refusing to acknowledge the fact that we were sleeping together. I moved into an apartment on Coventry while I was still seeing him and he would come over to drink and argue with my Pisces friends. He had a girlfriend almost the entirety of the time I was seeing him. We didn’t know about each other. She was a Gemini. I found out he had graciously given me an STD months after we had already stopped talking. He still follows me on Instagram. This goodbye was extremely prolonged and painful and overdramatic. This was the kind of goodbye I had been expecting when I left home for the first time, but instead it was with a dumb boy. It still mattered, probably.

I moved out of Cleveland Heights the week before the end of my sophomore year of college. I left behind an apartment that never really felt like home and moved into another apartment that sometimes feels like home. I left behind my bitterness and anger but managed to pick up uncertainty and consistent self-doubt along the way. I moved into a big, old apartment building in Shaker Heights with my (very recently) ex-boyfriend. The first night in our new place we got a pizza and tried to coax my cat out from hiding in the furniture. I cried because I knew I was going to feel trapped, not unlike my cat, probably. I cried because I thought about my mom and how sad I make her. I cried because I knew nothing was ever going to be enough for me. I chalked it up to the fact that I am an overdramatic Sagittarius and ignored those feelings for five more months. I felt like this was a goodbye that mattered, but I’m not exactly sure what I said goodbye to. I’m still trying to figure it out, but I probably never will.

I spent the summer in this apartment in Shaker Heights doing nothing and taking care of plants and my cat, who’s a Gemini. I drank a lot of wine in the evenings and stopped eating and started sleeping too much. I ignored my friends and didn’t pick up the phone or text anyone back. I only left the house to go to work and came back immediately after my shifts, feeling too anxious to be outside or in public alone. I laid in bed at night, sweating because we don’t have air conditioning, thinking about dying and what my parents would say at my funeral. This time, those thoughts didn’t feel so overdramatic, which was scary. As the summer went on, I thought less about dying and more about escaping, leaving school, leaving my job, leaving my relationship. I applied for study-abroad programs and ignored their acceptance emails. My boyfriend was working full-time, usually over-time, and so I spent most of my days completely isolated, planning my escape. I looked at apartments for rent in cities I’ve never been to, or even considered going to. I spent a weekend in Columbus and then another weekend in Detroit, always dreading coming back to Cleveland. I felt like I had been living as a ghost for the last six months of my life and I was desperately trying to figure out how to become human again. I feel like I’ve said goodbye to this image I’ve curated so carefully for myself, completely disregarding everything I thought I knew about myself and now I’m scrambling around, trying to understand what happened. This is it, this is the big one, the most melodramatic, the most important goodbye.

I left my first serious, adult relationship last week. We were only together for a little over a year, but it felt like a lot longer. We still live together, so that’s been awkward. When the conversation actually happened, I felt less sad and more relieved. I didn’t even cry. I sat on the chair in our living room and he sat on the couch, asking me what happened. I don’t know what happened. Falling out of love is weird. Realizing that you have a better time hanging out with your friends than spending time with your partner is weird. Understanding that it’s not anyone’s fault and that two people can still care about each other very much but not be in love anymore is weird. We are both fire signs and we are both very overdramatic. And we watch too many movies. He doesn’t believe in astrology, but he’s the stereotype of a Leo. I’ve been listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens and the National, thinking really hard about what went wrong, and where, and what we could have done to change it, or prolong it even more, or ignore it completely. This goodbye feels like a death. This goodbye will leave a lasting imprint, on both people involved. This goodbye matters.

I’ll be turning twenty-three in a couple months. I’ve said countless goodbyes, see-yous and catch-you-laters in my life so far. I’ll say a billion more. This isn’t meant to be some deep, soul-searching essay or even a reflection. More an examination. No matter how many goodbyes I say, I know they’ll all matter, even if they become arbitrary later. I’m still not any better at saying it. I will probably never be comfortable saying it. I know I’m always going to be a melodramatic Sagittarius. Maybe someday I won’t define myself that way, but today is not that day.

#writing #personal #personal essay #essay #narrative

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guardians-of-blood · 3 years

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More incorrect quotes! Hooray! (i will add the title later)

Ray: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE

Tsubasa: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially

Ray, desperately, as Tsubasa bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Tsubasa: Oh! B positive.

Ray: DONT TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE

Tsubasa:

Mars: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Kuno: I think you mean cards.

Mars, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

Pluto: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?

Mars: Stop romanticizing the past.

Ray: Where are you going?

Tsubasa: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Kayda, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Vian: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

Kayda, with the tone of someone who is used to Vian: Outstanding.

Kayda: This is what I’m talking about people.

Pyrrhus: Vian was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

Vian: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.

Pyrrhus: Vian, you ate a chair.

Tsubasa: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Kuno's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...

Nina: What's wrong with you?

Celeste: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

Tsubasa, texting Ray: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…

Ray′s phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.

*Later*

Ray, texting back: Fuck you.

Celeste: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.

Burnet: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Celeste: I wish I was a dinosaur.

Valkyrie: Why? Cause they're big and scary?

Celeste: Because they're dead.

Ray: I failed my safety training course today.

Tsubasa: Why, what happened?

Ray: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Tsubasa: And?

Ray: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

Tsubasa: We all have our demons.

Tsubasa, grabbing Ray: This one’s mine.

"I’ve been sleeping so little the past few nights that when I go to the alarm app, I click on the “power nap” button. I don’t set up alarms, I set up timers, Ray."

- Tsubasa Amanogawa

Tsubasa: I have an idea.

Ray: A good idea?

Tsubasa: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

"You know what’s funny about Ray? He's my best friend, and anyone who’d hurt him is someone I’d murder, probably."

- Tsubasa Amanogawa

Tsubasa: Alright, listen up you little shits.

Tsubasa: Not you Ray. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

Ray: I have no fears.

Kuno: What if one day you woke up and Tsubasa was taller than you?

Ray: I have one fear.

*on Ellen*

Ellen: So I hear you tweet about wanting to die

Celeste: haha yeah, I do

*Death comes out, creeps up behind her*

Celeste: omg Ellen you didn't

Kayda: Weird. All my shirts are disappearing.

Noir and Pyrrhus: *wearing Kayda’s shirts for the 5th time in a row* Spooky.

Celeste: Does anyone have any questions?

Basil: *Stands up* Okay, well I’m sure you’ve noticed that I’ve been going through a lot lately.

Celeste: That’s not a question.

Basil: And I know you’ve often wondered: “Who is Basil, really?”

Noir: Nope, never.

Tsubasa: Until February, I thought your name was Jasper.

Basil: You know, there are times when I look out these windows, and I know you’re all thinking, “What makes the measure of this man?”

Mars: Oh my god, you’d better be dying!

Basil: Look, I’m telling you all, with pride and excitement… and a lot of pride, about the new and improved Basil. Noir, give me a beat!

Noir: Sorry, what?

Basil: When somebody asks for a beat you just, you don't ask a lot of questions. You just get down on it.

Noir: Oh, you want, like, a syncopated thing or, like, a vibey thing?

Basil: Just do it. Hmm? *Basil sings '80s pop rock song about being Bisexual*

*All the Dreamseekers stare at him*

Basil: Oh, come on. You guys aren’t weirded out because I’m bisexual, are you?

Pyrrhus: No, we’re weirded out by the fact that you interrupted the meeting to tell us that.

Celeste: Anyone have questions? Besides Basil, who seems to think that every Dreamseeker meeting is about him for some reason.

Noir: *Having an existential crisis* Do you know… what it’s like to be afraid of yourself?

Vian, thinking about that time he ate an entire family sized bag of doritos in one evening: God dude I sure do.

Feliks: Shit, I’m late for school!

Feliks: Oh wait, I’m 20.

Feliks: I’M A TEACHER!!!

Vian: A spoonful of Nutella counts as lunch, right?

Pyrrhus: Vian, that will kill you.

Vian: I'm only allergic to like four things in it.

Pyrrhus: VIAN!!!!

*somewhere else*

Noir, terrified: What was that?!

Kayda: That was the call of someone who is very pissed and on a mission to fuck someone up.

Basil: So, how’d you convince all of them to betray me? What’d you offer them?

Chalcedony: I asked them if they wanted to embarrass you, and they instantly said yes.

"bitches b like “im baby” but have childhood trauma and neglect like wtf do u know about being baby u were forced to grow up from an early age anyways I’m bitches"

- Kuno Aurich

"So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress"

- Raymond 'Ray' Seidel

Vian: Yum, thanks!

Kidnapper: *puts more tape over his mouth* I said stop eating it.

Tsubasa: *writing a letter*

Tsubasa: Dear Santa,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

Ray: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Tsubasa: All I drank was Redbull!

Ray: How many?

Tsubasa: Eighteen

Tsubasa: Hey, are you okay?

Ray: Yeah.

Tsubasa: You don't look okay...

Ray: Then stop looking.

Mars: Fight me!

Pluto, standing behind him and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

Tsubasa: I'm going to fight the next person who insults Ray.

Ray: I hate myself.

Tsubasa: Alright, square up.

Pluto: Know why I called you in here?

Mars: Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.

Pluto: *Stops pouring two glasses of wine.* Accidentally?

Pluto: When's the last time you slept?

Mars: Uh... a few days ago, I think.

Pluto: A few- how many?!

Mars: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...

Pluto: What you need is sleep!

Kuno: When you’re gay in your house with nobody else, you’re homolone

Ray: When you’re bi and there’s nobody else around, you’re biyourself

Basil: Please stop

Feliks: Top 30 reasons Feliks is sorry. Number 5 will surprise you.

Mikael: TOP 30 ANIME DEATHS. NUMBER 1, YOUR FUCKING ASS RIGHT NOW!

Leni: Ray, are you high?

Ray: Am I what?

Leni: High.

Ray: Hi.

Pluto: So what’s for dinner?

Mars, staring at the food he just burnt: Regret.

Pluto: Am I in trouble?

Mars: Take a guess.

Pluto: No?

Mars: Take another guess.

Pluto, standing with his back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Mars.

Mars: How did you do that without turning around?

Pluto: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Pluto: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Mars: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.

Pluto: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Mars: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Pluto: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Mars: No! Four to five seconds!

Pluto: Too late!!!

Pluto: I was arrested for being too cool.

Mars: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

Pluto: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Mars: Thank you

Pluto: I didn't say that was a good thing

Mars: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

Pluto: Okay, truth or dare?

Mars: Truth

Pluto: How many hours have you slept this week?

Mars:

Mars: ...Dare

Pluto: Go to bed.

Mars: I don’t like this game.

Mars: I’m going to take you out

Pluto: great, it’s a date!

Mars: I meant that as a threat.

Pluto: See you at five!

Mars: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Pluto: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Mars: Absolutely not.

Pluto: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Mars: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Pluto: Okay, help me please!

Mars: Got two words for you.

Pluto: I bet they won't be helpful.

Mars: Your problem.

Pluto: I was right

Kuno: Why did you give Luth a knife?

Tsubasa: He felt unsafe.

Kuno: Now I feel unsafe.

Tsubasa: Sorry.

Tsubasa: Want a knife?

0 notes

ohmygoodgollymissmolly · 3 years

Note

Answer all the questions

Wow, thats a-lot to wanna know.. But Lucky for you i’m trying to procrastinate atm. So here we gooooo.

Ask Me:

Kill your curiosity

1. Last kiss- Sometime in December, not sure of an exact date. I don’t kiss, and tell, so thats all the info you get about that.

2. Last phone call- My sister.

3. Last text message- Also with my sister, just her telling me she hates her new hair.

4. Last song you listened to- Space Bound, By Eminem

5. Last time you cried- Like 3 days ago, but they were actually happy tears. Found out some really cool news.

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice- Yes, big mistake.

7. Been cheated on- Literally haven’t been in a relationship where I wasn’t.

8. Self harmed- Yes, I used to cut stupid bad on my thigh. Also have some burn scars, from putting out cigarettes on myself. Thankfully thats not something i’ve done in years, and i’ve learned better ways to handle stuff like that.

9. Lost someone special- I’ve lost a few: My dad, my grandpa, and my childhood best friend.

10. Been depressed- Yea, but it’s a work in progress. I was on the worst medication I could’ve been on, which made it so much worse. Got admitted, now I’m on different meds for PTSD, and mood stabilizers. It’s helped A TON.

11. Been drunk and threw up- I have been drunk, but rarely throw up.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:

12. Had sex- No, and don’t really expect that to change. Lol, it was a miracle I did last year..

13. How many people have you had sex with this year? 0

14, and 16 are missing.. so we’re just gonna continue.

15. Made a new friend- Yes, i’ve made a couple.

17. Laughed until you cried- Yes!

18. Met someone who changed you- Not this year, not yet.

19. Found out who your true friends were- It’s my sister, thats been every year. She’s the ONLY person I could ever trust.

20. Found out someone was talking about you- No, but it wouldn’t be anything new. I just don’t care what anyone has to say about me.

26. What did you do for your last Birthday- Cried like a little bitch because my niece was hospitalized, I have never had a good birthday.

27. What time did you wake up today- 7am.

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for- To start my new job!

30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time- Well since I only have one sister, last night when me, and her went for drinks.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life- How other treat me, and get so tired of me so quickly.

32. What are you listening to right now- Crime Junkie!!!! If you haven’t hear their podcast, you’re missing out.

33. When is the last time you had sex? Sometime in December.

34. Who’s getting on your nerves right now- Myself.

35. Most visited webpage- Usually Tumblr, but lately i’ve been wildin out on FB.

36. Favorite color- Red

37. Nicknames- My absolute favorite one is Moll’s, but i’ve also been called hot rod, hot tamale, and fight club.

38. Relationship Status- A joke.

39. Zodiac sign- I’m a Libra, can’t make my mind up for shit.

40. Male or female- Female

41. Primary school- Pinson Elementary

42. Secondary School- Rudd

43. High school/college- Pinson

44. Eye color- Hazel, they change weird ass colors.

46. Height- 5′4

47. Do you have a crush on someone- Yeah, and they mf HATE me. So no new, news.

48. What do you like about yourself- My eyes, and humor.

49. Piercings- 3 in each ear, 2 in my nose, belly button, and nipples.

50. Tattoos- I have a pretty big piece on my right side of my ribs.

51. Righty or lefty- Righty.

FIRSTS:

53. First piercing- I don’t remember getting my ear pierced, so belly button.

54. First best friend- Literally an angel, I miss him more than I can ever really say. He was killed by a drunk driver, and it’s someone I still talk to daily. I literally just talk out loud, so he can hear me... even if I don’t get a response.

55. First hookup- I’ve never been the type to “hookup”, but my first kiss ever was in a church if that say’s anything about me lol.

56. First Bestfriend- PLW

RIGHT NOW:

59. Eating- Nothing

60. Drinking- A redbull.

61. I’m about to- Finish this up, and then start sending out emails.

62. Listening to- This was already asked, and still listening to crime junkie.

63. Waiting for- Not a damn thing.

YOUR FUTURE:

64. Want kids? Only way I would want a kid is if i’m 100% financially stable, and also found a good partner to have one with. I don’t want to bring a kid in this world, if both parents won’t be in the kid’s life.

65. Get married? I honestly think marriage is a whole scam, and don’t even et me started on the bullshit of an engagement ring... However if I found someone that’s my bestfriend, and soul mate I would.

66. Career- Oof I thought I knew, but now i’m kinda lost.

WHICH IS BETTER:

67. Lips or eyes- Eyes. I’m a sucker for brown eyes, not a fan of blue eyes.

68. Hugs or kisses- Either honestly.

69. Shorter or taller- Same height, or taller.

70. Older or Younger- Preferably older.

71. Romantic or spontaneous- Romantic.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms- Nice arms.

73. Sensitive or loud- BOTH.

74. Hook-up or relationship- Relationship.

HAVE YOU EVER:

76. Kissed a stranger- Yes, Halloween party like 4 years ago. That’s the only time i’ve ever really kissed a stranger that I can remember.

77. Drank hard liquor- Yes, I was bartending before I was 21, so i took full advantage of that, and drank like a fish when I would get off.

78. Lost glasses/contacts- I constantly don’t know where my glasses are.

79. Had sex- Yea, but not with many. I don’t let a lot of people have that part of me.

80. Broken someone’s heart- No, it’s always me to have my heart broken.

82. Been arrested- Never been arrested, I have however been in the back of a cop car 6 different times.

83. Turned someone down- Everyone who has ever tried to shoot their shot. I’m picky, so i’ll wait forever till I find someone who I think is right.

84. Cried when someone died- Well duh.

85. Fallen for a friend- Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself- Fully, I can get through anything

87. Miracles- Yes, they just don’t happen for me.

88. Love at first sight- No.

89. Heaven- Ehhh, hard to say.

90. Santa Clause- Wait, what?

91. Kiss on the first date- No.

92. Angels- Yes.

93. How would you label yourself? Stupid, besides that I wouldn’t.

94. Someone You Pray Everyday For- The people i’ve lost, the people I have, and the friends i have. I’m also a hopeless romantic, so I pray for the person I am mean’t to be with. I just want those people to have success, health, and happiness.

95. Did you sing today- I can’t sing, but that doesn’t stop me from singing everyday.

96. Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About- I haven’t.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?- 7 years ago so I could tell him don’t get in the car.

98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For- My own happiness.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love? Im scared of bridges, and falling in love. My two biggest fears in life.

100. Do you like the way you look? I’ve started to, after years of an eating disorder i’ve learned to live with my body. But I hate that it only will ever attract lust, and never anything more. I’ll ever only be liked for my looks, not personality. So in turn, i’ve started to hate my looks again.

0 notes

shin-hoseokk · 7 years

Text

buzzcut season

Title: buzzcut season

Word Count: 4206

Ship: kiho (wonho/kihyun)

Description:

“do you ever get tired of watching?”

changkyun’s voice disturbed kihyun out of his gloom, “excuse me?”

“you’re not very subtle hyung, don’t you ever get sick of watching him?”

Tags: angst, underage, drug use, drinking, piercings, implied child abuse, implied sexual content, pining, unrequited love, minor showki, minor hyungkyun

ao3 // twitter

“just shave it all off”

kihyun looked at his friend tentatively as he fiddled with the electric shaver in his hand.

“are you sure dude? i don't want to fuck it up or something”

hoseok nodded and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, “hurry up before i change my mind”.

kihyun loved this version of hoseok, audacious and fearless, unafraid of the consequences. hoseok was no stranger to bad decisions, and more often than not, kihyun would be dragged along with him.

but kihyun didn't mind.

he didn't mind at all.

he watched hoseok run his fingers through his thick black hair, he glanced back over his shoulder and flashed kihyun a smile,

“ki, what are you waiting for?”

how could kihyun say no to a smile like that?

the first time kihyun took lsd, it was on the floor of hoseok’s kitchen. he hadn't wanted to do it at first, but hoseok had talked him into it.

“ki, i swear, it's gonna be awesome, you won't regret it”, his eyes glittered with intensity and kihyun felt his knees turn to jelly.

he lowered himself on the floor next to hoseok and looked at the little plastic baggie in his palm. he let his eyes trail up hoseok’s arm, his broad shoulders, past his neck and finally to his smile. his teeth were so perfect, lined up like a white picket fence.

kihyun rolled his eyes and sighed, “alright you bitch, lets do it”

hoseok beamed at him, a smile so bright kihun felt his heart stop for a moment, “kihyunnie, stick out your tongue for me”, he held the tiny white tab on the tip of his finger

kihyun did as he was told.

kihyun sat by the edge of the pool, a beer in his hand and a cigarette behind his ear. the night air was sticky and suffocating. kihyun would've taken his shirt off and joined the others in the pool if he wasn't so self conscious. besides, he was busy watching hoseok, who was sitting on the other side of the pool.

there was a girl with him, sipping on a redbull through a straw. her hair was bleach blonde and it flared out across her shoulders like rays of sunlight.

he watched hoseok take his shirt off, flexing his chest as he lifted the fabric over his head. he watched the girl giggle as hoseok whispered something into her ear. he noticed how hoseok’s eyes drifted to the girl’s tank top.

nights like this were common. kihyun would tell his parents he was sleeping over at hoseok’s house. he would meet hoseok outside his apartment and wait for him outside the liquor store as he bought cheap beer with his fake id. from there they would met the rest of their friends at a park or they would hop the fence of the local swimming pool. It was simple, it was easy and it was enough to keep kihyun from dying of boredom. it was fun.

it was always fun, until he had to watch hoseok lean in to kiss this girl. he glared across the pool as she wrapped her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his freshly shaved head.

hoseok looked fantastic with a buzzcut, of course he did. hoseok looked good in everything. his mother had yelled when she saw the hair in the bathtub, she didn't want her only son turning into a skinhead.

hoseok stood up and held his hand out for the girl to follow. he walked around the pool, a chorus of whistles and hollers following behind him. when he reached kihyun, he leant down and ruffled his hair.

“dont bother waiting for me tonight kihyunnie”, he said with a wink and a smirk

as soon as he was out of sight, kihyun knocked back the rest of his beer and laid back on the cool concrete.

“kihyun, can i ask you something?”

kihyun was sitting at his desk, trying to finish up some homework. however that was proving to be difficult as hoseok was laying on the floor next to his desk, fiddling with his phone and asking kihyun odd questions here and there.

“yeah dude, whats up?”, kihyun pushed his chair away from his desk so he could look at hoseok properly.

he was laying on his back with his hands stretched behind his head, his feet were crossed at the ankles. he was the perfect image of relaxation, not a care in the world. his hair was longer now, kihyun thought he looked like a bean sprout.

“why don’t you have a girlfriend yet?”

kihyun almost fell out of his chair. he looked away from hoseok and struggled to find the right answer.

why didn't he have a girlfriend yet? sure, girls were pretty and soft and nice to look at, but he never found himself attracted to one girl in particular. he had considered hooking up with girls at parties the same way hoseok did, but he never really saw the appeal of it.

“i don't know, there's no one i’m really interested in”, kihyun looked down at the pencil in his hand. for some reason he couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.

“you know, jisoo and i are thinking of making it official”, hoseok rolled over onto his stomach and rested his chin on his folded his arms. kihyun thought he looked adorable, basking in the gentle afternoon light, scruffy school uniform and socked feet.

“if you had a girlfriend, you could come clubbing with us and stuff”

“i don't have a fake id dude, besides i don't think i would like clubbing very much”, kihyun resumed his homework, ignoring hoseok’s whining.

for a minute or so, there was silence. the only sounds that filled the bedroom were the scratch of kihyun’s pencil and hoseok’s soft breathing.

“kihyun, are you gay?”

this time, kihyun really did fall off his chair.

“what? no! just because i don't have a girlfriend doesnt mean i’m gay hoseok”, kihyun stood up quickly and kicked his friend in the thigh.

“ouch, dude!”, hoseok gripped his leg in pain, “i'm just asking, its not a big deal”

kihyun rolled his eyes, “it's getting late hoseok, we have school tomorrow”, he reached out to pull hoseok off the floor and tried to ignore the way his breath hitched when he grasped his hand.

changkyun always hosted the best house parties. his parents both worked full time overseas, meaning changkyun was left to his own devices most nights. he told kihyun he has parties because he enjoys the loud music and atmosphere, but kihyun thinks he just gets lonely in the two-storey house by himself.

kihyun was drunk, the most drunk he had been in a long time. he can't remember how many drinks he had, hoseok just kept passing him beer after beer. when kihyun thought about it, hoseok was a terrible influence. he never pressured kihyun into anything, but he still felt obliged to follow him into the dark every time. but he didn't want to think about that right now, he didn't want to think about hoseok right now. the second his girlfriend had walked through changkyun’s front door, he had been stuck to her like glue. kihyun had watched her lead him up to the bedrooms and cringed when hoseok had playfully pinched her ass as she hopped up the stairs.

kihyun escaped to the dance floor and let the music take control of his thoughts. he felt bodies pressed up against him, it felt nice to be so close to another human. he swayed his hips and let his eyelids flutter shut. his eyes shot open when he felt someone else’s hands on his hips and a broad chest pressed against his back. he turned around to find a boy, a pretty buff boy if he did say so himself. the boy had tanned skin and full lips, they reminded him of hoseok’s.

“wanna dance?”, he mouthed, the music was too loud to hear his voice, but kihyun nodded and let the stranger take hold of his hips once more.

kihyun enjoyed the feeling of bigger hands on his body, he liked the smell of sweat and masculinity.

dancing with another boy didn't make him gay, he told himself. he was drunk, this was drunk-kihyun making choices, drunk-kihyun couldn't tell the difference between boys and girls.

over the boy’s muscular shoulder, kihyun could see hoseok in the kitchen pouring himself another drink. his shirt was on inside-out and his hair was mussed in a way that could only indicate one thing.

hoseok had just had sex.

something ripped through kihyun’s chest like a bullet. he hands flew up to clutch at his chest, but they were stopped as the bigger boy whirled him around. his eyes met hoseok’s as he was turned to face him. hoseok raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to say something, but he was silenced as he watched the boy slip his hand under kihyun’s shirt. kihyun was shocked by the warm hand pressing against his belly, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from hoseok. If hoseok was going to watch, he may as well give him a good show. he reached behind him and wrapped his arms around the boy’s neck, before sensually rolling his hips in time with the music. he let his eyes flutter shut and his mouth slip open.

when he opened his eyes, hoseok’s expression had changed. his gaze was sharper, more piercing than before. his eyes were hooded with something kihyun couldn't decode. he didnt dare to drop eye contact as hoseok’s tongue slipped out to swipe across his bottom lip.

jisoo appeared from the corner of his vision and slinked her way into hoseok’s arms once more. kihyun released a breath he didnt know he was holding as hosoek looked away from him. the hand under his shirt had slithered down to the waistband of his jeans, fingers reaching for more heated skin under the heavy fabric.

kihyun felt sick, he never got sick when he drank but he figured there was a first time for everything. he wriggled his way out of the boy’s grip and pushed through the mass of sweaty bodies until he reached the back door. he heard someone yell his name but no one followed after him.

the night air was refreshing. it was a humid night but nothing compared to the muggy scenery of the party. kihyun leaned against the side of the house and tried to regain control of his breathing. there were so many questions running through his brain, questions he didn't have the answers to. he didn't know if he wanted the answers.

he felt his phone vibrate in the back pocket of his jeans. seven missed calls from his mum, one missed call from changkyun and a text from hoseok. he unlocked his phone and opened the messenger app.

shin hoseok: ;)))))

kihyun managed to slip his phone back into his back pocket before leaning over and vomiting onto his sneakers.

the grass is rough underneath kihyun’s back. rough but not uncomfortable. he isnt worried about getting grass stains on the back of his white school shirt. changkyun sits next to him, his legs crossed, puffing away at a cigarette.

every wednesday, kihyun, changkyun and hoseok would skip sixth period and escape to the field behind the school. where they would smoke or nap or gossip. wednesday’s were kihyun’s favourite day of the week.

that was until hoseok started bringing his girlfriend along with him.

kihyun wasn't jealous, he swears he’s not jealous. why would he be?

they sat under a tree, hoseok had his head in her lap. he smiled up at her as she trailed her fingers down his cheek. his hair was getting long again. he had already asked kihyun to help him shave it again, but he had brushed him off with the excuse of too much homework.

“do you ever get tired of watching?”

changkyun’s voice disturbed kihyun out of his gloom, “excuse me?”

“you’re not very subtle hyung, don’t you ever get sick of watching him?”

kihyun assumed changkyun was joking, but when he turned to look at him, there was no trace of humor on his features. his eyes were soft and filled with a compassion kihyun had never seen before.

he looked back at hoseok, who was now eagerly trying to suck his girlfriend’s face off. kihyun made a face of disgust. hoseok was a huge fan of public displays of affection, but kihyun wasn't really interested.

he sat up, brushed the grass off the back of his school uniform and reached to pinch a drag from changkyun’s cigarette.

“i don't know what you’re talking about”

“are you sure about this? you know its gonna hurt like a bitch”

kihyun was sitting on the edge of hoseok’s bathtub, it felt weird having their roles reversed. the last time kihyun was in this bathroom, he was battling sweaty palms and a shaky grip as he dragged the electric razor across hoseok’s scalp. streams of cold water dripped down kihyun’s wrist as he held an ice cube to his ear lobe.

“yeah i know”, kihyun moved his hand and let hoseok wipe down his ear with an alcohol wipe. he didn't know when he decided he wanted his ears pierced. perhaps when he first discovered the way hoseok’s piercings glimmer when the light hit him just right. or maybe when he noticed how hoseok’s deft fingers reached up to fiddle with the silver rings that lined his ears.

kihyun thought they looked cool. he would leave it at that.

“don’t move, i don't wanna fuck this up”, hoseok picked up the needle, which he had sterilized with the flame of his lighter.

“It’s okay, i trust you”

hoseok looked up at this, a soft smile gracing his delicate features. kihyun almost melted right then and there. there was a softness in his eyes, not the same pity as changkyun had carried that day in the field. it was something warmer, it heated kihyun from the inside out.

“you trust me?” hoseok’s head tilted in question, kihyun thought he looked like a puppy.

“of course”

kihyun could always tell when hoseok’s dad came home. if hoseok’s bad mood didn't give it away, it was the bruises and scrapes that scattered his arms. the first time hoseok had brushed it off, claiming he had fallen off his bike or run into a doorway. but kihyun was smarter than that. plus, he knew hoseok didn't own a bike.

kihyun was sitting in hoseok’s unmade bed, wiping down a cut on his arm with a damp towel. he looked up at him, his jaw clenched, eyebrows furrowed in pain as kihyun wiped away blood. there were unshed tears clinging to his eyelashes. kihyun still thought he looked beautiful. so, so beautiful.

his head had been shaved again. hoseok had given up on asking kihyun and turned to jisoo for help. if kihyun was being completely honest, it stung. it hurt that hoseok had gone to his girlfriend instead of asking him one more time. but if he was being realistic, he knew that was bound to happen. shin hoseok didn't beg for anyone, not even him.

hoseok sniffled and wiped at his eyes as kihyun was putting a bandaid on his forearm.

“hoseok, if he keeps doing the-”

“kihyun stop”, hoseok cut him off. just like that, his guard was up again. kihyun wondered if jisoo had ever seen him like this.

“hoseok i'm just trying t-"

“kihyun i don't want to hear it”, his voice was raised and all traces of weakness had disappeared from his features.

kihyun tensed up, “fine”, he got off hoseok’s bed, straightened out his jeans and began to walk towards the door, “i'll see you at school”. as he reached for the door handle he felt a hand latch on to his wrist, pulling him back to the bed.

“wait, i'm sorry. don’t leave me yet”, hoseok gripped his arm. when kihyun looked into his eyes, he didn't see the normal hoseok: the hoseok who was confident and daring. the hoseok who had a terrible fixation on drugs and binge drinking, or the hoseok who bravely pushed needles through his friends skin for fun.

this hoseok looked small and lost and lonely, his eyes were brimming with tears. kihyun could see the young boy he used to know. hoseok was eleven when his dad had left, and he hadn't returned until he was fifteen. kihyun remembers holding hoseok as he cried. how could an eleven year-old carry the weight of a broken home? hoseok tried, he tried so hard. for the next two years, his dad would come and go as he pleased, haunting hoseok like a ghost.

“okay, i’ll stay” kihyun sat back down on the bed and put his arm around hoseok’s shoulders as he finally broke down.

“i’ll stay as long as you need me”

changkyun’s parents were out of town again. the boy was too tired to host another party, so instead he invited his closest friends over to light up a couple blunts and let their worries escape them.

kihyun was spread out on the couch, squished in between hoseok and minhyuk. across from them, changkyun was making out with a skinny boy who was perched in his lap. the boy’s name was hyungwon and they had met while changkyun was trying to shoplift a bottle of vodka.

whilst kihyun wasn't very fond of watching his friends suck face but his limbs felt heavy and hoseok was emitting a very pleasant warmth beside him. on the other side of him, minhyuk had fallen asleep and was happily snoring away.

“kihyunnie…”

kihyun’s mind was lifted out of the fog when he turned to face hoseok. there were very few things in the world that kihyun found truly beautiful: pretty sunsets, a piece of perfectly fried chicken, the warmth of his mother’s hug. none of these things would ever, ever compare to hoseok’s smile. kihyun thought it was the most delightful, gorgeous sight on earth. and so, as kihyun turned to meet hoseok, he found himself struggling to breathe.

“kihyun, i wanna try something”, hoseok had a smirk on his lips and mischief in his eyes. kihyun was always weak for him, regardless of whether he was sober or stoned.

hoseok reached into the pockets of his sinfully tight black jeans and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. he flipped open the pack and took out a pre-rolled joint and his lighter. kihyun watched with amusement as hoseok, in all his doped-up glory, struggled to light the tip of the cigarette.

once the joint was lit hoseok took a long drag, tipped his head back and exhaled the smoke. he looked like a dragon, kihyun though, a fluffy dragon. can dragons be fluffy? probably not. hoseok giggled as the last puffs of smoke escaped his mouth and inched around so his body was facing kihyun.

he placed his hand gently on kihyun’s thigh, just above the hem of his shorts. his fingers were warm, but not uncomfortably so.

“can you just…. just lean in a bit”, hoseok took another long puff of the joint and quickly shut his mouth, preventing the smoke from exiting his lungs.

the fingers on kihyun’s thigh had moved to grasp his chin. despite the heat, kihyun felt frozen in his seat as hoseok’s face inched closer and closer to his. his eyes darted between hoseok’s red-rimmed gaze and his deliciously pink lips. the fingers on his chin subtly tilted his head to the left and kihyun swore he felt his heart stop as hoseok’s eyes fluttered shut. he knew what happened next, he had watched hoseok do this with countless girls.

he let his eyes slip shut and swiped his tongue over his dry lips, preparing for contact. kihyun felt hoseok’s nose nudge his cheek and the hand on his chin slid up to gently hold the side of his face. for the briefest moment, kihyun felt hoseok hesitate and he began to pull away, mentally preparing for the inevitable awkwardness that was sure to follow. but at the very last second hoseok leaned in further and carefully pressed their lips together.

even though it was incredibly cliche, kihyun swore he felt sparks the second hoseok pressed their mouths together. he committed this feeling to memory, the pillowy-softness of hoseok’s lips and the contrast of the rough palm holding his cheek. kihyun opened his mouth and let the smoke pour in, hoseok’s hand slipped down his cheek and slid around the back of his neck, pulling him closer. kihyun inhaled before opening his eyes and exhaling slowly.

through the haze he made eye contact with hoseok, who was watching him with hooded eyelids. kihyun felt his heart rate pick up again. he expected hoseok to let him go, turn away with a laugh and continue smoking. but the hand on the back of his neck remained as steady as ever. kihyun felt naked under hoseok’s heavy gaze, his eyes were searching for something, reassurance maybe. reassurance that everything was fine, this wouldn't change anything. reassurance that kihyun was there with him, there for him. kihyun wanted to reach through the murkiness and tell him everything would alright, but he knew that wasn't the truth.

hoseok opened his mouth to say something but he was cut off by the shrill melody of his ringtone. his hand slithered out from behind kihyun’s neck and into his back pocket to grab his phone. kihyun wanted to beg him to let it ring out, whoever it was could wait. hoseok took one look at his phone and his face dropped, he held out the device for kihyun to see:

jisoooo <33

“listen, dude, i….. i gotta take this”, hoseok rose from the couch and handed kihyun the joint with an uneasy smile, before lifting his phone to his ear and walking into the kitchen.

“hey baby….. no, i'm not busy right now….”

with hoseok out of sight, kihyun stubbed out the cigarette on the coffee table and sunk back into the couch. what was he expecting? hoseok to blow off his girlfriend for his awkward and sexually repressed best friend? yeah right. hoseok deserved better, he needed someone as free and open as him. kihyun was none of those things. one shitty shotgun kiss wasn't going to change anything.

on the couch next to him, minhyuk had barely moved. kihyun smiled as he noticed the drool on minhyuk’s chin. minhyuk, perhaps the most outrageous and venturesome of them all, drooled when he slept. how endearing.

changkyun and hyungwon had disappeared but judging by the thumping coming from upstairs, kihyun had a pretty clear idea of where they had gone and what they were doing.

kihyun looked around the living room. his friends bags and shoes scattered on the floor, changkyun’s family photos and old school pictures, the warm afternoon light filtering in through the windows. there were traces of love and life all around him, but for some reason he had never felt more alone. his heart felt empty and heavy, hanging like a dead weight in his chest.

kihyun decided there was nothing beautiful about being seventeen and in love.

love. that's what it was right? that's what he felt for hoseok. the movies and books always make it out to be the peak of the human existence. the most euphoric and satisfying feeling. but this, whatever ‘this’ was, it didn't make him feel joyous or elated. he didn't want to scream from the rooftops or out across the ocean. he wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week, or until this feeling went away.

who the fuck falls in love at seventeen?

kihyun ran his fingers through his hair and stood up. he walked around the coffee table to peek at hoseok through the doorway of the kitchen. there he was, sitting on the floor, giggling into his palm at something his girlfriend was saying on the other end of the phone. their eyes met and kihyun cursed at himself for the way his heart jumped.

he turned away and shook his head. he recalled the day in the field, when changkyun had called him out for staring. kihyun had denied it at first, but these days he caught himself staring at hoseok more and more. he couldn't help it, he was drawn to hoseok like a magnet. his smile was like the sun, his laugh was the sweetest sound he had ever heard and his touch made kihyun melt.

but the sun can burn you. sounds, no matter how sweet, turn to white noise after a while and kihyun was sick of melting.

kihyun collected his shoes and his bag. he noticed hoseok’s lighter abandoned on the couch and without a second thought, he pinched it and slid it into the pocket of his shorts. as he opened the front door and was embraced by warm summer air, kihyun decided that he was finally tired of watching.

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luffysfakebeard · 7 years

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hi!! i don't know if you're taking prompts (so if you're not, ignore this!!) but i saw a text post a trillion years ago that was like "imagine your otp meeting in a 7am lecture and one of them is pouring redbull into their coffee and looks straight at the other and says 'im going to die' and just drinks the whole thing" and ever since i started watching skam this reminded me of something isak would definitely do. aaaanywayyy, i love your fics, keep writing and being awesome!

The Study Buddy; 2070 words[AO3]

It was Even’s firm belief that whoever scheduled a guest speakerat 7.15AM on a Monday deserved to have hellfire rain down upon them. Hewasn’t even sure why he said he’d go; when one of his lecturer’s the previousThursday had told the class that there was a speaker on Monday that they mightfind interesting Even had made a note of it even though it was optional.

Maybe he was losing his mind. He had chosen to go to a 7.15 talk.

He couldn’t even remember what the lecturer had said it was about; just that it could be interestingand might help some of them gain some insight for their film projects. That had probably been what pushed him to go,because as much as Even loves his eight hours of sleep he wanted his film to beperfect more.

When Even walked into the lecture hall at almost 7.10 there wereabout a dozen students scattered around, which was honestly more than he wasexpecting to see. He chose a seatsomewhere in the middle and slumped down, quickly biting the inside of hischeek to silence the whine he wanted to let out.

The plastic chair was Baltic. Despite it being mid-November – in Norway– he was pretty sure that the heating wasn’t on yet. The pipes were creaking and groaning, though,and he realised that the heating was probably only just coming on now to get upto a pleasant temperature at 8AM when normal lecture times start.

Great. The guy in here after me will probably betoasty warm while I’ll be a fucking ice sculpture, Even thought sullenly. He was pretty sure he could feel his lips pushing into a grumpy pout asthe cold from the chair seeped through his clothes and bit at his skin.

He put his travel mug down on the floor and struggled out of hismittens – it was cold, alright? and everyoneknows that mittens are warmer than gloves Even will defend his mittens with hisdying breath – and was just getting his notepad out when he saw him.

Him being a completely frazzled looking student – maybe a year ortwo Even’s junior – stumbling through the door. He looked like he was wearing about ten layers underneath his huge coat,and Even could see snow caught in the fold of his beanie. Like most of the students there the boy camein armed with coffee; his hands – which looked snug as fuck in a pair of mittens, Even noticed – were clutching onto alarge take away cup from the nearby coffee shop as if it was the only thingtethering him to reality.

Even picked up his travel mug and took a sip as he watched theboy stumble into a seat and flop down onto it like a dead fish. And wow, Even had thought he was bad at mornings. There were probably corpses that woke upbetter than this kid.

Although he doubted any corpse was as pretty as this boy.

Even felt blessed to have seen such a pretty face. He didn’t feel quite so salty about this bloody early morning guest speaker now.

He watched with interest as the boy set his coffee downreluctantly and wiggled some layers off. Even counted a coat, a scarf, the mittens, and a bulky jumper before theboy decided that was quite enough outwear to remove. The boy was left in a big hoodie that Evenwas sure was soft as fuck to the touch and probably concealed three more shirts underneath.

The angel clearly felt the cold.

Even empathised. His asswas already numb from his stupid frozen chair and he’d barely been in it twominutes. He took another pull from hiscoffee to try to warm himself up from the inside out before the speaker showedup and he’d be expected to concentrate and take notes and all that bullshitrequired of students.

And, okay, the thing is…Evendidn’t mean to watch the kid. It’s just that he was sat directly in Even’s line of sight and hisface was so pretty that Even just couldn’t bring himself to look around at theother bland exhausted faces in the room or pretend to try to read the leaflets onthe pin board.

So when the guy proceeded to pull a huge can of Red Bull out of his snow dusted backpack it wasn’t likeEven could look away. He watched as theguy popped the lid off his take away cup and immediately the smell of strongcoffee permeated the air.

Even perked up a little just from the smell. He drank a little bit more of his own coffee,but what the boy did next made Even freeze in place.

Even watched in horror as the kid cracked open the Red Bull,took a few long pulls from his coffee to make room in the mug, and then pouredthe entirety of the energy drink into his coffee. He put the lid back on his cup and swirled itaround a little.

It was then that the boy glanced around.

And, of course, he caught Even staring straight at him with a horrifiedlook in his eyes and his lips still around his travel mug.

“I’m probably gonna die. But who wants to live at this time in the morning anyway?” The kidshrugged. And then, in what Even couldonly assume was a power move to assert his dominance, the kid drank the entirecontents of the large cup while maintaining eye contact with Even who was stillparalysed with shock.

It was only when the kid finished his poisonous concoction andturned his back on Even that Even regained control over his body. He lowered his mug away from his mouth, forsome reason put off the idea of caffeine completely. He wasn’t a massive caffeine consumer ingeneral; he was pretty sure his skin was buzzing just from watching that kid neck so much caffeine at once.

It was one of the most disgusting things Even had ever seen.

He’d worked as a barista throughout secondary school and knew hewas a bit of a coffee snob because of it, but the kid’s blatant disregard forhis coffee offended some part of Even purely on principle.

But fuck if he couldn’t stop thinking about it or watching thatboy. The guest speaker came in and Evenbarely noticed. All of his attention wason the caffeine addict a few rows ahead of him.

Much to his surprise, the kid didn’t drop dead of a massive heartattack. In fact, the kid was morefocused than Even was; he was watching the speaker and taking notes and noddinga little every now and then.

Even, on the other hand, wasn’t listening to a thing the speakerwas saying because he was transfixed by a curl of golden hair that had escapedfrom under the back of the boy’s beanie.

Curiosity was killing him.

The more he looked at the boy, the more he wanted to know. Did he have no taste buds? How tired do you have to be to combine coffeeand Red Bull? What makes you even consider combining those things? What was his name? What was he studying that could be relevantto the guest speaker? Why had Even notnoticed him around when he looked like an angel? How had he not blinked once while he made eyecontact with Even and drank that monstrosity?

Even needed answers,dammit!

It was only when the boy slouched down to grab his backpack andthen stood up that Even realised the talk was over.

And he hadn’t heard a single word of it.

At that moment he realised a few things in quick succession.

1. He got up at 6AM to listen to a guest speaker and instead ogledthe back of a pretty boy’s head for 90 minutes

2. He had nothing to show for the last 90 minutes of his life. No notes, no photos of the board on hisphone, nothing.

3. He needed to do something fastto make it look like he’d actually been paying attention to that talk becausethe boy was looking over his shoulder and Even still had his blank notebook onhis lap.

4. Impossibly, the boy looked even prettier from the front.

Even slammed his notebook shut and practically threw it into hisbag, almost knocking his half full travel mug over in his haste. He grabbed the mug as it wobbled beforegetting to his feet, swinging his backpack over one shoulder and stretching hisback. An hour and a half in the chairfrom hell hadn’t done him any favours he thought as his spine cracked andpopped.

He chanced a glance over at the boy as he finished his stretchand was surprised to find amused hazel eyes staring directly at him.

“Yes?” Even quirked an eyebrow.

“You know I could feel you staring holes through my skull thewhole time, right?” The boy raised an eyebrow right back.

Well.

Fuck.

Even had no idea how to respond to that.

“Aren’t you going to ask my name or something?” The boy promptedand Even’s brain finally caught up with him.

“I normally ask interesting people out for coffee, but I thinkyou’ve had enough caffeine for a week.” He replied smoothly. Satisfaction welled up in his chest at thepink blush that dusted the boy’s pale cheeks.

“So is this you notasking me out?” There was definitely a little tinge of disappointment in theboy’s voice, Even was sure of it.

“This is me saying that if you have any more caffeine you willprobably die. How about breakfastinstead?” Even smiled his best smile. Hewasn’t blind; he knew he ticked a lot of the boxes of ‘how to be good lookingin the west’ and he wasn’t afraid to use that to his advantage if the situationcalled for it.

And getting to know a cute boy definitely called for it.

“Breakfast sounds good.” The kid smirked. “You probably owe me a meal after all thatstaring.” He added casually as he turned away and walked towards the door.

“You started it!” Even protested as he followed him out into thecrisp cool morning.

“You were already staring at me when I looked around actually.”The boy looked so fucking smug. Theworst part was that Even couldn’t even argue, because it was true.

He had been looking at the kid since he walked through the door.

“Are you going to tell me your name or what?” Even huffed. He knew he sounded grumpy, like a sore loser,but the kid just laughed.

“Isak. I’m Isak. And you? What name should I be putting on my sexual harassment report?” Isakteased.

“Seriously? It was earlyand I was tired and there was a pretty boy, I just sort of zoned out and youwere right in front of me.” Even grumbled. He was still turning the name over in his head; desperate to roll itaround his mouth and see how it tasted.

“Do you stare at allthe pretty boys for an hour and a half?”

“Only the reallypretty ones.” Even winked, taking pleasure in the way Isak flushed all the wayup to the tips of his ears. He hadn’tput his beanie back on and snow was drifting into his hair. He looked like a renaissance painting.

“Come on then, I’ve told you my name. Who are you, huh?” Isak prompted and Evenshot a cheeky grin over at him.

“Even. Even Bech Næsheim. Your future boyfriend.”

“Wow.” Isak snorted. “Ican’t tell if my heart’s beating so fast from the caffeine or from your totallyromantic introduction.” He rolled his hazel eyes and Even swore he fell alittle bit in love with this sassy boy there and then.

“Hey, if you have a heart attack at breakfast we’ll probably getit for free.” Even winked.

“I can already feel my heart outside of my body; let’s not jinxit, hmm?”

“I still can’t believe you drank that in one go.” Even shook hishead in disbelief, pushing the café door open and letting Isak in.

“I call it the Study Buddy.”

“You’ve done that more than once?!”

#Gael writes #G writes Evak #SkamFWN #Evak AU #Isak Valtersen #Even Bech Næsheim #university AU #first meeting #Anonymous

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