#i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anaalnathrakhs · 1 month

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i keep looking at posts like "i stopped a binge" "i prevented a binge" and all of them are like. "i waited until the urge went away". buddy. the urge doesn't go away. there's no urge. there's just nothing else to do. i don't have anything else to do. every time i stop eating no matter how long i sit with the feeling or not, i always go for more food because there is genuinely nothing else in my life. nothing is enjoyable anymore. the world sucks. no matter what i force myself to do it's the only positive thing i can ever find.

#like okay cool i let the people around me guilt me into eating whatever they think i should be eating #i get it. i'm so fucking stupid for missing out opportunities to try new food. i should never buy the same food twice.#i should always buy all the variety i can and try everything.#i'm so stupid for having eaten the same stuff in a loop for years and years #i'm a massive fucking weirdo for not eating when other people are eating #i keep stealing food from my parents and the people around me i keep taking way too much of stuff intended for a group #nowhere i go will be free of obligations #i have to keep buying my own poison because everywhere i go there's other people's food waiting for me anyway #my parents keep looking at me like a freak no matter if i eat dinner with them or not #they see me binge and nothing happens #we just ignore it #i just eat until Designated Eating Time is finished #hunger doesnt ever have anything to do with it i just eat when food's in front of me #i need the ritual i need the structure it brings to my life #both meals with other people and my ritual binges #i dont know what to do with myself when i'm not binging #and it's like i'm not allowed to not want food #to other people #it's like i must necessarily want all food and anytime i refuse it's restriction #my friends are always like ooooh you can grab some of my fries if you want #or oooooh do you want the rest of my cookie #or ooooooh and how about you are you ordering something #and i'm like :) yeah sure :) like anybody else would :)#and to myself. to myself i don't know. i think i just want to give up. i want to suffer and i want to fuck up so badly.#so badly that no one can deny i need help #i want to be proven right. i'm just a little weakling and all i'm good for is to haunt the halls of a mental hospital.#no responsabilities no pressure nothing but a pitiable suffering victim #i want somebody or something to swoop in and save me #but nobody will come. it's my job to ask for reasonable help from the relevant authorities. and currently they can't offer that care.#so fuck me i guess

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littlelillycatsworld · 2 months

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weight loss breakdown (for once not a mental one impressive ik)

as promised heres my weight loss breakdown. I have awful brain fog words aren't working properly (using any and all brain power on English rn) and it's a bit all over the place please be patient with me I have most definitely forgotten some stuff I'll update when I remember

this is not healthy this is what works for me I know the limits of my body you are your own person please look after yourself and don't compare yourself to me. I'm a professional ballerina and ex-taekwondow artist

please be polite don't leave unsolicited advice if I need or want it I'll ask and right now I DONT.

I'm not suggesting that anyone should attempt to fallow this since this is actually insane

DRINKS

I drink lemon honey water or tea for breakfast most days depending on how much calorie dread I have (does that make sense?)

I will only allow myself to drink water, tea or diet coke/zero or ultra monster throughout the day

MEALS

OMAD when possible budget is 900 I rarely ever make it close to my budget

I'll only intentionally eat dinner unless forced otherwise. I must burn off whatever I can from dinner since I don't have classes that late

some days it's completely unavoidable and I have to eat snacks due to outside pressure like friends and family or my manager (he's apparently hell bent on keeping my ass alive)

binges happen we (I) acknowledge them we (me) move

if I feel faint when In class nothing matters I WILL eat I cannot run the risk of hurting myself or my dance partner when it's him who will be the one who makes sure i dont hit the ground

META DAYS

meta days are important please take them!

I must allow myself 2 grace days a week and I try to be gentle with myself. (essentially I'm gentle parenting myself on these days)

I try not to fall into my normal over the top exercise routine since I still haven't figured out how to make these days my bitch

my cal budget is normally around 1400 for these days

EXERCISE

I must do 10k steps at least (normally much closer to 25k)

I start every day off with a mile run sometimes 2 (depending on how much I want to not exist and weather conditions)

i go to the gym at my dorm when weather conditions are bad or it's to cold for me I run on the treadmill it's not as mentally stimulating as outside but I don't like the rain ice or wind too much

i can be expected to be dancing for 8-9hrs on my longest day so for the most part I don't need to worry too much about forcing myself to burn calories but it gives me peace of mind I burn an estimated 4500cal these days (impossible to know for sure since 2 teachers don't allow activity trackers)

around 3000 on my normal days but again 2 teachers are a pain In my ass

I play just dance religiously at this point it takes me 2hrs to burn 500 I do this after dinner or twice a day on the weekends where possible.

I still practice taekwondo and go to a studio to do classes once a week but it's not as extreme as it used to be (no longer training 6 days a week and doing competitions)

WEIGHING

I weigh myself most days

I don't weigh myself during my meta days I don't need the added mental stress

I get weighed by my school once a week but only update my profile if there is a big difference either up or down (accountability and all that)

FASTS

I normally do 24hr since omad

I don't count my medication, gum, diet coke/zero tea or lemon honey water as breaking my fast. if this keeps me mentally stable then idk it doesn't count (politely eat a brick if you try to tell me otherwise)

I always try to get at least one longer fast a week normally after dinner on wednesday to Friday dinner sometimes I can make it to Saturday dinner it just depends on who's around to make me eat

if your wondering how I've survived this far all I can say is I'm a spiteful little bitch who's going to prove a whole list of people wrong

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sourle · 1 year

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Hi! May I have a headcanons or scenario for LMK Sun Wukong, Nezha and Red Son? where their fem s/o (reader) been told that they should find someone better than them. For example for Nezha, The person told reader Ao Bing (I know he's not here from LMK but let's pretend he's here) is better than Nezha because he's , Hearing what they told reader makes the LMK boys insecure or afraid that reader would leave them for someone else who's better than them (the boys).

Reader been like "Dont you dare comparing my s/o! You dont know much about him! he's actually , and I would never leave him for someone else!" Hearing what reader said what would they react?

their s/o is actually so loyal and loving towards they LMK boys, they just wouldnt leave them even they maybe have negative traits about them.

(If fem reader wasnt allowed, then GN reader pls and I apologise if this is long 😅)

Ah pardon if i can't do fem reader, as one myself i can't really well it's unless some part or some things that's only fem reader stuff than I assure you I'll write a fem reader:)

And I'm sorry if it's short, i didn't really got much ideas:(

-------------------

Sun wukong

Dating a legend that somehow some believe and some not is something alright. It's more you that got turn down and rumored about than him, and all of that he doesn't care about your comments and focus on to love you and only you!

It's probably one of his old foe or any demon really who would try to convince you to leave Wukong. But you can't so you fought back with your own words and defend Wukong before ignoring them further and walking away.

If Wukong was there, he's really glad you believed he's change and not the old him anymore.(let's face it. He's a grandpa)

He would praises you and smothered you with kisses when you guys are back home.

He loves you for your loyalties and for standing up for him.

Nezha

Comparing him between Ao bing and himself is offensive to him. He doesn't like it. At all. Considering about their past.

He usually would just ignore their remark and go about their day, but when you defend him. He really thinks he made a good decisions.

You being his lover isn't great at all. Both of you didn't spend time that much and yet you still stay with him. All he wanted was a loyal s/o and it's you:)

He would drag you away before a fight could happened between you and the person. He kept silence about it but appreciate it.

Being a touch starved himself he'll show you with a physical effection. A privilege that no one else could get.

All and all he just doesn't care if someone compared him to another, but he really appreciate those who defended him at times.

Red son

It.. was a surprise and but expected. That person just said it at the wrong time. Right off the bat he would definitely full on insult the person about this.

You being there would have to break them apart or just watch this unfold, depends on you. But it's much more likely to breaking them apart since Red son almost burn the person.

But in another scenario on you defending him would be unexpected. Since Red mostly defend himself and which that much ego he would definitely put the person on its own place by his own.

He wouldn't expect for you to defend him, with how sometimes insecure he is abot himself and that he's always paranoid about you both relationship.

He would fall deeper for you on the spot because of that. He just wants a lover that's caring and know how to help him and one that a family person;)

You defending him definitely a yes to him. As it proves your loyalties and your willing to fight off anyone who's trying to hurt the relationship.

He appreciates what you did but would tell you next time don't do it again. But you did it again.. he got no problem he just stayed in the background smirking and grinning.

#lego monkie kid #lmk #lmk x reader #lmk y/n #y/n #monkie kid au #lmk redson #red son x reader #red son #nezha x reader #nezha #lmk nezha #monkie king #sun wukong x reader #sun wukong #lego monkie kid x reader #lemon writes #x reader

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millenialfanfictionaddiction · 2 years

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Being a Hunter and Mentor

to Gon and Killua

*it's was the most generic hxh gif I could find 😅

Hunter x Hunter characters (probably a large variety of them) x gn! Reader

Warnings: light Swearing, Hisoka

A/N: I'm currently on a HxH fixation because I've binged the entire series 😃 I wanted to try my hand at some headcannons because I have zero self control ✌🏻 back to the regularly scheduled programming Thursday!

Honestly YN, I'm not sure which job is scarier

Being a Hunter or dealing with everyone else who is also a Hunter 😐

Because like, it's a lot

Like I'm exhausted just watching the anime I can only imagine how you feel

Let's just say you passed the Hunter exam on your first try 💅🏼

Honestly ✨️MATERIAL GWORL✨️

You've been a pro hunter for about 5 years now

Love that for you

It's a lucrative business and you absolutely love your job

You meet all sorts of interesting people and get to do some amazing things

One of those interesting people just happens to be Ging Freecss 🙃

At first, he seems like a nice guy and I'm sure he is

But then he ruins it 😐

"YN when my son comes looking for you, I want you to make his life miserable. Teach him but make him miserable"- Ging

You 👉🏻👁👄👁 pardon

First off all, this man's has a son ✋🏻

Not only that but he wants you to make his child's life miserable?

"Wow dad of the year much?"- you say

"Never claimed that YN, just please do this for me. I owe you one"- Ging says before he disappears just like he did from Gon's life

OH BURNNN 🔥

I'm so sorry Gon 😭

You can't tell me he wouldn't be all "ITS OK MY DAD IS THE COOLEST :D"

NE WAYS you continue on your life's path until you "accidently" bump into a less than friendly white haired boy

"Watch out!"- he yells

"Excuse me?"- You 😃 🔪

"Killua apologize! We are so sorry!"- a black haired boy says looking at you

Boy does he look familiar 🙃

"Quite the temper you got on you there kid. No worries, it would take more than a child to knock me over"- you

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME??"- Killua, giving Bakugo level anger issues 💥

"I mean we are children technically. I'm Gon by the way"- Gon says extending his hand

Finally the prophecy has come full circle 🔵

"Ahh yes, Ging's son. Nice to meet you, I'm YN"- you say

Gon 👉🏻😐😳🤩 you know my dad!

"I do! In fact, you're dad told me that when I meet you, I'm suppose to make your life miserable" you add

Gon 👉🏻😃 whet-

"But since your dad is kind of a jerk, how about this? I'll show you a few things and send you on your way"- you say

Gon 👉🏻🤩 yes please!

Killua 👉🏻😐🙄 whatever

*intermission*

Dear YN it's me, the person writing this headcannon set, just making sure you are ok because like do you know what you are getting yourself into??

Well I guess we all have to learn the hard way sometimes 🤷

*intermission over*

You begin your journey with Killua and Gon

Surprisingly, everything is going smoothly

🎶 don't be suspicious, don't be suspicious 🎶- me singing to myself before I ruin your life 😅

You see, at first, everything WAS fine

You meet Kurapika and Leorio

"Wow Gon, that's awesome that YN is training you!"- Leorio says

"Yeah and that you're getting closer to meeting your dad finally"- Kurapika adds

You were training the boys in their specialized Nen abilities

Helping them to strengthen them as well as teaching them more about the world of hunting

You were walking down the streets if YorkNew City when you sensed a strange presence 🤨

"Dont be alarmed but someone's watching us. Just walk normally and don't look suspicious"- you say as you walk with Gon and Killua down the street, turning into a side alley

"Alright show yourself"- you say, gearing up for a battle

"Oh no it looks like I've been spotted"- a creepy clown looking man says emerging from the shadows

You 👉🏻😳🤨

"Who are you? Sorry buddy I don't think the circus is in town right now"- you

Oh good one YN 😜

The creepy clown man just laughs

"That's Hisoka YN, he's a hunter too"- Gon says

"Oh I've heard of you before"- you say, squinting your eyes at Hisoka

"All good things I hope" he says smiling at you

"Honestly no but I judge people on my own interactions not the opinions of others"- you add

"How noble of you YN"- Hisoka says 🤡 🔪

Hisoka totally knows who you are and let's just say he's weary

See I forgot to mention that you are not only a skilled hunter but in incredible Nen user as well

A specialist 💅🏼

Your ability is known around the Hunter world and you are one tough cookie

Your training for Gon and Killua is much like how you learned to train

"So... we just run..."- Killua questions

"Run yes but also while producing aura. Now go!"- You shout

"But YN, aren't we going to run out of energy quickly"- Gon asks

"Sure you will"- you shrug and set your things down

Killua 👉🏻🤨 so what's the point?

"The point is you do what I say"- you add

Please Killua is ready to fight you YN 😭

However you aren't as tough on the boys as Ging had wanted

You never were one to do as others asked YN 🙄

So you not only taught the boys but you nurtured them as well

Kindness goes a long way, even in the world of Hunters 🥰

Unfortunately for you, kindness doesn't extend to most of the underground of YorkNew City

Namely a certain group 👀

Or shall is say Troupe...

Look at me rhyming 😏

That's right because it's just Gon and Killua's luck that they would walk right into the Troupe's hands

Honestly 🤦 have you taught them nothing YN?

"Well I guess I should probably go and rescue them?"- You think as you head in the direction of the Troupe's hideout

You didn't PLAN for this to happen but you can't say you're disappointed

What fun training am I right??? 👍🏻

Thankfully the whole gangs here when you enter the Troupe's hideout

"Alright give me my students back"- you say as everyone watches you waltz in like you own the place

The troupe 👉🏻😐😲

Chrollo 👉🏻 😏 interesting

Gon and Killua 👉🏻😬😬

"How- how did you find this place?"- Phinks asks

"Oh its really not that hard, I put trackers on Gon and Killua so I don't lose them. I'm always losing things"- you say shrugging

Same YN, BIG SAME

"Want me to torture them?"- Feitan asks

Chrollo puts his hand up before you interject

"Don't bother, I'm only here to get these two"- you say walking up to them, studying the nen thread binding them

"Well this is unfortunate. I'm going to need someone to remove this nen thread"- you say

"You can try-" Machi says before she watches her Nen thread fall to the floor

Gone and Killua just stand there 🧍‍♂️ 👁👄👁

"Impressive YN"- Chrollo finally says

"A Nen ability like that is superior"- Illumi adds emerging out from the shadows

"Chrollo Luciler and Illumi Zoldyck, how nice to see you again"- you say standing up and peering at the two men

"YN it's always a pleasure"- Chrollo adds as Illumi nodds

"Well I'd love to stay and catch up but we need to get these two kiddos to bed"- you say pushing Killua and Gon to the door

"It's like 2pm YN!"- Killua growls

"Do you want to get killed? No? Then shut it!"- You whisper yell at the boys

"I'd love to fight you YN"- Hisoka says emerging from behind a large crate

Well would you look at the time ⌚️

"I'd love too BUT unfortunately I have plans so let's do a rain check"- you say, practically hauling Killua and Gon under your arms and out the door

I AM SPEED 💨

"Why don't we go after them boss?"- Franklin questions

"Now is not the time. Not with YN there"- Chrollo says smiling as you quickly leave the warehouse

"Seriously can you two please not"- you say as you finally make it back to your hotel

"YN you were awesome! Can you teach me more about your Nen??"- Gon says 🤩

Please the golden retriever energy ✋🏻

Killua just huffs 😤

You smile, knowing these boys are both going to be amazing Hunters 🥰

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 9 months

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Do you have any fic recs for maybe the best Sirius portrayals you've come across? Thanks!

ahhhhhhh

okay well, im obviously biased, and i love my own fics, the end.

but, if you don't want to read my nonsense, here are some of my favs:

-the son and heir of nothing in particular by @steelycunt (aeridi0nis on AO3) as well as on the issue of fever and delight and in lieu of beaujolais.

as you can see, i'm particularly fond of their writing and despite loving to be mean to Sirius (in the best sort of way, he is our barbie doll that gets chewed on sometimes, shaken like a rag doll), always do a phenomenal job of capturing his demons and the vibe. there's a particular line in OTIOFAD where sirius is there trying to apologize, and he, like, can't figure out how to slouch enough to do so, and it just hits right where it should. yes.

-the shape and sound of god by @dykefever (dykesiriusblack on AO3).

this is a fleabag AU, and Sirius is the star of the show. I am in love with this sad, sad, depiction of him. What I love a lot about sirius is how raw he is, like literally an open wound walking around and he pulls people into it, but he's always honest about that too. and is just like trying trying trying to be better, but the wound is just festering and. this. also, if you're in the mood for more dykefever, i highly recommend (in my room) i want you here

sweater weather by lumosinlove; look, i am a cult member too. i am nothing but a cult member. (i'm not tagging because I'm sure they get tagged 80x every day, yall know where to go)

Beneath a Big Blue Sky by @eyra; also a cult member for this one, i can't help it. There's something so delightful about sirius in this. and understanding. our sweet silly boy. everyone's comfort fic is also my comfort fic.

Boys Don't Cry by @blitheringmcgonagall (YouBlitheringIdiot on AO3);

i don't tend to read about the Prank because it makes me feel too much and drives me insane but THIS ONE. THIS ONE. yes. will read. and Sirius's characterization in this is top tier.

Drifters by twentysevensummers; the insane times i have read this single chapter.

At the Healing Edge of Broken by @heartofspells

OKAY LOOK I HAD TO COME BACK AND EDIT THIS POST. so fair warning (and i told tumblr user heartofspells this when i was reading as well), i had to do some skimming with some of the subject matter in this fic. BUT that does not erase the fact i LOVED this sirius. i loved how sweet he was with harry. i loved his humor. i loved his arrogance and forced vulnerability. I binged this and then went straight to the authors DM's to scream so. yeah. whoops.

(please let the record show i dont generally make rec lists because I'm always afraid someones going to be sad they weren't on it. but here are some of my favs that i find myself returning to.)

#asks #grey answers #grey recs fics sometimes #also apologies to ridi and laura for getting tagged again #i will never stop shouting about your writing #i am a fan girl front row with a sign

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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

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still not over the fact that all your work is très magnifique 😍 (dont mind me binge reading at 4am)

if i may request, how do you think dream would react when his lover(reader) is very jumpy or easily flinches. we all know morpheus can be rather mysterious-in-the-shadows type and as someone with anxiety i feel like him popping out of no where will just make me jump all the time

Hold My Hand

Dream of the Endless x Reader

Summary: Desperate times call for desperate measures, your measure for Dream giving you near death experiences involved a very particular accessory.

Word Count: >600

Warnings: some kinky inclinations lol, gender neutral!reader, kitty meow meow dream (real), pouty!dream, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: HHIHIHI IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY FICS ENOUGH TO LOSE SLEEP OVER IT ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT ALSO GET SOME SLEEP PLS T_T the gif is how i imagine dream apologizes for scaring you Tagging: @pinksirensong @deniixlovezelda @shadow-pancake9

I let out a long, exaggeratedly prolonged, scream when I feel someone come up from behind me in this dead end of the library. It was instantaneous, the hug and the concerned voice that came after.

I mean I really was scared, but still, I was 100% sure I was born dramatic. I heaved heavily as I leaned into the embrace of the being behind me.

Dream cranes his neck down to kiss the side of my neck, "I apologize, my dear," he speaks with genuine guilt, "I was only thinking about how you told me you enjoyed back hugs and I could not help myself."

"It's fine," I sigh deeply, placing the book in my hand back in the shelf.

Dream, although he knew I was not making an attempt to leave him, pulls me back, as if unwilling to have a fraction of space between us. I chuckle, "alright, alright, gimme a sec, geez."

Once the book is back in its spot, I twist in his arms and position myself into a comfortable embrace, cheek pressing against his chest.

Dream tightens his hold, relaxing against me; his previous guilt of rousing my anxiousness finally seemed to leave him.

I can't help but chuckle when he nuzzles against my head, "rough day?"

He hums, "everything is suddenly bearable after I feel your touch."

I smile against him and pull back to show this. In contrast, he has his pouty lips curved down and it makes my brows raise, "what's wrong, Dreamy?"

"I do not enjoy the fact I keep agitating you when I phase to your side."

I snort, "well, actually," I pull away from him, "I may have a solution."

His brows furrow, appalled by the fact I was pulling away from him. His frown deepens.

"Dream," I chuckle, "I'm literally still right here, please, I just need to get something out of my pocket."

A line between his brows forms. He barely loosens his tight grip on me. I cannot help but press my lips as I look at him in amused annoyance.

"Here," I say, as a pull out a tiny choker and dangle it between our faces.

Dream averts his attention, furrowed brows raising.

"I had a cat once," I start, undoing the clasp of the necklace, "she was so sneaky, my family did not know peace until we gave her a bell."

I bring my hand over his shoulders, placing the black and gold thing around his neck. I rise to my toes and look over Dream's shoulder when I do this. Once I am done securing it, I release a sigh and fall flat on my feet. "Now," I smile, grabbing his cheeks, "I might find peace with your bell."

Dream looks down at the choker. I grab the bell at the center so that he could see it, but I'm unsure he does.

His hands travel up my back as he averts his gaze back upon me, "if it can rid of my jump scare tendencies-"

I snort at his use of my term.

"- then I am happy to wear it."

I break into a fit of giggles when he leans in and peppers my face with kisses. As innocent as those were, my breathing begins to grow heavy when his lips trail down my neck, "Dream... Lucienne might catch us again..."

Meanwhile Matthew's head cocks from side to side as he looks for bright ringing sound he could not for the life of him find. "Lucienne, am I going bonkers, or do you also hear that bell ringing?" "I thought you were already bonkers." "Lucienne, I'm serious-" Matthew's beak stays open when he sees Dream pass by out of nowhere. "D-Did you- did he- is he wearing a collar?" "Matthew, Dream is a consenting adult-- in fact, he's much older than that." Safe to say, the sound of the bell was so much more hard to ignore now.

#dream of the endless fanfic #dream of the endless fluff #the sandman fanfic #the sandman fluff #the sandman x reader #dream of the endless smut #morpheus fluff #the sandman x you #dream x you #dream fanfic #dream of the endless x reader #dream of the endless x you #morpheus x reader #morpheus x you

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ripplestitchskein · 1 month

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I've been binge reading your Helluva Boss and Stolitz posts for a while now and I love how mature and nuanced your takes are. I've run into a good deal too many Stolitz antis on Twitter who won't give Stolas and Blitzo's relationship a chance to improve later, despite the show clearly trying to do just that. I'm especially tired of people saying that their relationship is one-sided. And even when actual evidence is put out there that Blitzo actually does like Stolas back, they say it doesn't count because those hints are less than 5 second long small details rather than being spoonfed to them. Just argued with one of them on Twitter like an hour ago and that's exactly what they said. And they accused ME of not paying attention because in their mind, Stolitz was built up from sexual assault, and they think Blitzo's line in Western Energy "He can get hurt?" is somehow out of character which confused the hell out of me, and they kept insisting that Blitzo had "zero interest" in Stolas no matter what.

Thank you so much!! I do try my best to be as rational and logical as possible so I’m glad it’s coming through, not to say I don’t have emotionally based reactions or bias but in my meta analysis I try to set my personal feelings about the text presented aside and just talk about what it could potentially mean based on recurring elements, themes, and deliberate choices made throughout not just in individual scenes.

LooLoo Land is a perfect example, there are some moments in that episode I heavily dislike (Blitzø shoving the dolls down his pants, the “as long as she washes it” convo, and Stolas being sexually inappropriate in front of his kid) so I do understand some of the criticism. It was also episode two and being a creative myself I know firsthand that things like that happen. You put in things early, for a joke, a laugh, to highlight personalities and they don’t necessarily come across the way you intended or jive with where the story ends up. Which is why a lot of my analysis takes in the entirety of what we have so far, the recurring stuff, not just individual moments or one off lines.

I’ve always maintained that it’s crucial to remember that creators are not perfect beings who are getting their story from on high fully formed, they make mistakes, they get inspired and take things in a different direction as things develop, they can contradict themselves over time. It happens.

It’s also a cartoon so it’s limited in how much it can even do, how expressive the characters can be, how much time they have to explore and the medium absolutely comes into play when analyzing it. Art has always been and will always be subjective, and unless the creator flat out contradicts something it’s largely left to interpretation, but that interpretation cannot be based on one scene, or one episode, or a one off bit of dialogue or a single expression either.

I always encourage not wasting your time arguing with people who are still serving up early content talking points or who dont have media literacy as a learned skilled. I know it’s super hard, I’m guilty of it myself. I was so close to going off on a “Stella and Stolas are mutually abusive” take last night you have no idea. It was more the dude was just being deliberately obtuse to the point I stopped myself and was like “they have to be trolling, no way someone believes this”. You can’t change their minds, they obviously don’t want to engage with the material from a place of good faith, and it just bums you out at the end of it.

A lot of them are really young too I find, which may be part of the disparity. I’m 38 so I have a lot of different experiences to draw from they haven’t had yet. I’ve been a fandom girl since I was a kid, I’ve always been a shipper and I also create things so my perspective is further down the line and with lived experience some people don’t have yet. I’m reminded of this daily, my oldest son is 18 and we have many conversations where I’m reminded about how much you learn as you grow older and the assumptions you make as a younger person. This is not to say that younger people can’t think critically but it is a skill and it improves over time like any other.

I also encourage people to think of what is being said and why. There is a lot of hate for VivziePop as a person. My understanding is she said some things early on and created a hate base that is going to deliberately misinterpret just to validate their initial assumptions about her motive and character. With popular things there is always a small subset that hate a show because of its popularity too, I don’t think because they are jealous like some speculate but because they didn’t personally enjoy it and don’t like feeling like they are missing something, so they take it in a “it must be the children who are wrong” Principal Skinner approach. They can’t see why people love it so those people must be ignoring what they didn’t like about it and they must tell them.

Sometimes people like another ship or another character more, and their ship might involve one half of yours, or they don’t feel their character is getting the same focus and attention because of yours. So instead of just letting everyone enjoy their own things it’s now a competition, a source of resentment and they must make that everyone else’s problem.

And I’ve talked about the fascistic purity culture that seems to encroach into fiction spaces as well that is also at heavily play. Any time a character does anything that is vaguely “toxic”, “problematic” they are immediately painted with the SA brush, the creator is promoting it and the fans are enabling it and are somehow directly responsible for it existing in the world. You can’t do anything about them except enjoy what you like, look at it critically within your own personal comfort level, and as always, my favorite thing to say “kill the cop in your head.” Not just with fiction but everything.

I’m glad my analysis is being enjoyed, and I super appreciate your feedback on it. Come to my inbox anytime and we’ll enjoy the ride together!

#inbox #stolas x blitz #stolitz #helluva boss #will I ever answer anything in less than 500 words?#not fucking likely

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cuffmeinblack · 9 days

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Hey fam <3 How are your feelings towards Ominis and/or Amit and/or Leander? :3 I know I am being greedy so please pick whichever one you'd like 🤭🌷

Hi hi 🧀 my dear sorry for taking so long to answer. Mmmmm I think ima pick Omi for this!

How I feel about this character

Omi was the first HL character I really fell for and the first I wrote for. I suppose I can thank him for really cementing my interest in fanfic when I went on a mad binge in Spring last year writing a tonne of requests. I knew from the word Gaunt that I'd love his story and was so surprised and happy to see a representation of a Slytherin who abhors the dark arts and wants to do better than his family's reputation, shunning their legacy. There's so much to explore when writing his character and I'd really love to do something with his Aunt Noctua one day (either an AU or childhood fic). And he is of course one half of my OTP 🖤

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Mostly Garreth of course! I never really intended to fall for Garrinis as much as I did. I just had an idea of 'I wonder what would happen if Garreth helped Ominis in potions...' and it went from there. I said this in my answer for Garreth but I love the Slytherin x Gryffindor / sunshine x grumpy dynamic. Gar gives him the uncomplicated love Omi deserves and has never had, and a family who basically adopt him.

I did also begin writing a Sebinis fic ages ago which was (I think) beautiful in many ways, though for various reasons I dont really write Seb anymore. But I love soft Sebinis.

Also open to Andrew x Omi and Leander x Omi (thanks to @ellivenollivander and @pandanscafanfiction respectively).

Oddly enough I don't have an OC I ship with Omi (yet).

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Ngl I love writing Omi and Seb bickering like an old married couple 🤣 if they're not romantically involved they're still absolute besties and inseparable despite their past. Bonded through trauma and all that.

I've not explored it myself but Anne absolutely deserves a mention. They were obviously very close. Would love fic recs for a platonic Omi and Anne relationship.

My unpopular opinion about this character

Ehhhh I'm sure there's lots. The fandom is very divided on his...sexual preferences. I see Ominis mostly as a soft dom because I think after being controlled by his family for so long he would crave the ability to control the intimacy until he trusted his partner unequivocally. There's also the aspect of his blindness; unexpected sensations might be overwhelming for him.

Also food?? I absolutely agree this boy cannot handle spice however I think he has a refined palate. Despite his family being broke af I hc at that point the Gaunts were deeply in debt and had started selling their heirlooms to keep up appearances, to keep being able to afford the finer things in life as a matter of pride. They'd also still be invited to high society balls and banquets and the like so could expect a lot of fine cuisine with French influences.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I've have loved to explore his experiences and relationships with his family more. The hint at Gaunt manor as a potential location in game is such a tease. He deserved his own questline separate from Sebastian, and to be reunited with a healed Anne.

#ask game #ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt headcanons

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theflyindutchwoman · 2 months

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I started binge watching (thanks to Chenford gifs on here) and honestly I am obsessed! The chemistry. I’m currently on season 4, episode 18. I did see some spoilers for season 6 and i really hate that they fought, and I’m missing a lot of context but seems like Tim walked away before he could have said something he regretted which is good imo. I dont know when season 6 will come here in the UK, but I am really hoping they make it through. I’m really hoping we get married and parent Chenford soon!!

Let me start this by saying : WELCOME! I hope you'll enjoy what's coming next ;) The ending of the episode you're currently watching is one of my all-time favorite Chenford scenes. Come to think of it, I might have to rewatch it to prepare myself for the upcoming episode...

I don't want to go into details about the fight as it would clearly enter spoiler territory. I mean, obviously you are already aware of some parts of that storyline. I'm just unsure as to how much you want to know, so better safe than sorry. I will say that, in my opinion, it was a good thing for Tim to walk away in that specific moment. Emotions were running high, they were both hurt and upset… So it was better to walk away before anyone said anything they would come to regret later. The issue is that it's not exactly the first time he has done so once that specific topic was brought up (and I don't want to say more than that just in case). This is becoming a pattern, one that is bound to cause friction and misunderstanding.

I do wish we had seen (or will see - though unlikely) a follow up with Tim checking on Lucy a bit later, making sure that she was alright (or as alright as she could be under the circumstances). She was spiraling all day and leaving her alone with her thoughts was not ideal either (been there, done that).

And I really hope I haven't spoiled too much. I never know where to stop. They are a lot of unsaid things left between Tim and Lucy and I'm glad we are getting to this part of their relationship. I'm looking forward to seeing how they will go from there. And I choose to believe that they will make it through and become stronger for it. Every relationship has its challenges.

#Last but not least : SHOUT OUT TO THE GIFMAKERS #Seriously so many started watching this show thanks to gifs and that's a credit to them #ask & ye shall receive #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #6.01

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anaalnathrakhs · 1 month

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i WILL show up to the trial day for the preparatory class tomorrow no matter how much i dont want to and after that i guarantee NOTHING

#broadcasting my misery #vent #this is a lie i guarantee i will keep tumbling through life appearing functional and melting down in the privacy of my own home afterwards #<- trying to jinx my naturally contrarian ass into taking care of myself for once #god i'm tired #i am. slightly peeved.#around 11am i was like ''i think i'm going to go home'' and my friend was like WHAT nooooooo what are you going to do at home anyway #and we ended up hanging out w another friend until fucking 4pm #and she was like oooooh guys i think i'm gonna go else i wont have energy tomorrow #haha bitch where was this mindset when i told you i was going to go home #i don't know why i keep like. telling people stuff like ''i'm [emotion] i'm going to [thing]''#and they just plan stuff w me anyway #and like. i can't decide for them what's important or not to them. so i make an effort and i participate to the best of my ability.#but it KEEPS HAPPENING #OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN #it does not stop #i can barely keep the violent impulses down tbh i act like im on crack in public #bc if i dont walk around and spasm like an epileptic stray cat im gonna start giving in to the urge to dive under a bus or punch someone #i have nearly uncontrollable fits of hitting my head against walls when my entire life i was too chicken to do it despite trying to #i gained about fifteen to twenty fucking kilograms in the last three months #because i cannot fucking stop binging and EVERYBODY'S LIFE seems to revolve around food #my friends are incapable of hanging out without going to buy smth no matter at which time we get out of school #my other friends seem incapable of not checking calories VERY LOUDLY and calculating how much they lost walking around #my mom and i are home and awake at the same time abt two hours a day and one and a half of that is spent making/eating dinner lmao #im making the effort holy shit i am but i'm going to start being violent soon #i've started trying to strangle my cat twice in the past week i think #i'll show up tomorrow bc it's an opportunity and im not stupid enough to miss that by lack of self esteem #but really what is it good for #my friend isnt very delicate in her way to say it but she's right. i'm not cut out for being normal like that #i can sorta seem functional but you very quickly start seeing i don't know how to dress

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raysletters · 5 months

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2023 Character Wrapped

Rules: share your top 9 characters of 2023

tagged by the lovely @suseagull04 (like, so long ago, but i had forgotten to do it so here i am)

1. Alex Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

i wish i could explain to you the deep connection i have to this fictional man. he is me and i am him. he probably has been my favorite character since i first found him on 2021 (which is the longest hyperfixation ive ever had, funnily enough) and has actually shaped me to be more confident in myself and all that mushy stuff, so yeah, im just missing a henry kinnie that wants to put up with this mess.

2. Percy Jackson (Riordanverse)

i binge read pjo and hoo these last months, and the way ive become attached to this kid is something else. i want to protect him from anything.

3. Nico di Angelo (Riordanverse)

like with percy, i became attached to him from the moment he showed up, and i would protect him with my life even from rick riordan. he cant do no wrong ever.

4. Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor (RWRB)

henry has specially gained a piece in my heart lately, but i have to be honest, when i first read about him, i thought nothing of him more than the perfect companion and love interest in alex's story. i have to say that getting a glance to his mind through both the bonus chapter and really fucking good fics gave me the insight i needed to comprehend him: his actions, his motivations, and everything in between that made him who he is and made me realize how many things we have in common and how many things i could learn from him, which is always a beautiful experience

5. June Claremont-Díaz (RWRB)

theres nothing i wouldnt do for her. even though i absolutely HATE how i wrote the fic that has june's pov, im still in the process of learning about her and comprehending her more. still, she reminds me so much of my own sister, even though i should kin her more than alex because of the whole sapphic latina journalist who loves her sibling very much, even when they annoy the shit out of you, but alas, im a younger sister and june has so much vibes of my own sister except with my tastes, so yeah, nothing i wouldnt do for her

6. Iris West-Allen (The Flash TV)

in case you didnt know this about me, i had a not-so-recent hyperfixation on the flash (and it can absolutely be seen in my sky high au), and she was half the reason of it. i wish i could put into words how much i fucking love her in every sense of the word. like, i'm in love with her but i also want her to be happy and protected at all costs and i would do anything for her to actually get those things. she can also step on me and i would thank her, but that is unrelated

7. Annabeth Chase (Riordanverse)

what you dont get is that for her i would become like a rabid feral gremlin or maybe that dog that takes a sword in its mouth and starts swinging carelessly. thats how ready i am to protect her from absolutely everything, even spiders, no matter how fucking scared i am of them

8. Imogen Heaney (Heartstopper TV)

yes, i am absolutely biased because the actress also has t1d and my hc is that now imogen also has t1d, but also because i, too, affirmed with my whole chest how i was an ally and totally straight and then slowly realized i was sapphic bc of one cute girl in my friend group that called me out on my bs 💀

9. Barry Allen (The Flash TV)

yes, we dont acknowledge that other version by that other actor. yes, he's last because i had a love-hate relationship with the way he was written. but season 8!barry became one of my favorite versions of him, and i absolutely thank grant (the actor) for the way he made me love the character once again

i missed so many characters that i love but just not like i love these ones. the only one who could easily take barry's place on the list would be nick nelson my absolute beloved, but since flash tv ended this year, it had me in my feelings and i couldn't not put him there, so yeah

DISCLAIMER: i am at the moment reading trials of apollo (im just like 1/4 of the first book) and if somebody spoils me anything i WILL become a rabid feral gremlin, this is your only warning, thank you very much.

anyway, you can consider this an open tag and do this and tag me in it bc i always love to read about yalls favorite stuff. still, no pressure, but im still tagging beautiful ppl so i can read about your favorite characters @anincompletelist @inexplicablymine @read-and-write- @sherryvalli @14carrotghoul @formorewishes

#tag game #2023 character wrapped

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dakotafinely · 1 year

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heyyy !! i saw ur reqs were open and im literally about to binge everything youve written- and i hope whatever happened you’re okay now !!

im so sorry if you dont take x readers but may i request the rise turtles (separately ofc) with a reader who says the corniest, cheesiest, mind numbingly stupid pick up lines

like they think they’re safe until the reader starts spewing pick up lines at the most random moments

thank you if u decide to write this !!

Poiuhgfghjkjhnbghui hello! Thanks, the thing happened months ago I'm just super slow at responding to things oiujhjolkjh but still thanks! I hope you enjoy your reading binge!

I don't really do a lot of X Reader requests (mostly because I don't get that many) but I assure you I'm never opposed to them! Plus how can I resist such an idea, as a corny cheesy dork myself I must represent all the corny cheesy dorks out there!

== == ==

Leo:

Say what you wish but this man is already a corny cheesy pun master

I mean have you HEARD his puns? He is a man of the corn(y lines)

So he's actually very good at matching your energy most of the time

Heck sometimes he can even guess what you're gonna say before you get to even say it

Tho sometimes, in the moments where he truly doesn't expect it, you can get him red as a tomato

Honestly, why do you think he likes to use cheesy and corny pick up lines? Because he's a romantic little sap who wants someone to match his energy and romance him that's why

He'll cover his face and smile wide when he blushes hard

"Ya can't just catch me off guard like that you know?" He jokes

Bc truly, he adores it that you can keep him on his toes and guessing sometimes

Donnie

Complete opposite of Leo, but are we surprised by this?

Either it goes over his head by taking whatever you said literally (which you find adorkable let's be real)

Or he rolls his eyes and tells you you're a sap

But if you stop? If you stop bc you believe your annoying him or you've had a bad day and don't wanna deal with his reactions?

"Are you okay? What's wrong, you haven't made a pun and you've been here for at least ten minutes."

Worried, he won't show it, but he will pry and make sure your okay

Bc yeah, he doesn't really care for puns or cheesy pick up lines, as their not his thing in the slightest

He still likes that you do them, their your thing, and it's what makes him love you, even if he doesn't admit it

And trust me, he'd probably rather die then admit it

Mikey

Mikey either giggles from them or smiles and rolls his eyes depending on the level of cheesiness

He loves you! And he loves that you love him! And he loves that you express it in a adorkable way!

What more can he say? He'll try and reciprocate it but he's not quite the pun master the way Leo is

Still, if he does and you two get the ball rolling back and forth his heart flutters with joy and that's the thing to keep him smiling for months alone

His favorites are your arty based puns, as they often come with a little doodle or are a left behind sticky note he can keep as a little token of you in his room

Plus their the easiest for him to reciprocate too as an art nerd

Just a lil cheesy doodle with a pun based pick up line and boom! You two are giggling like dorks in love

Tho he's most frequent response is often just a string of giggles and hugging you tightly

Raph

Raph is a very big pun lover as well as pun despiser

While he may laugh and rolls his eyes at everyone else's puns, if he makes one without thinking he just goes :| (contemplates life choices)

Tho in truth if he does get a laugh or giggle out of you with a pun, he'll smile wide

And he loves your puns and cheesy pick up lines so deeply

He is a blushy boy I refuse criticism

While he may roll his eyes and scoff lightly

It's SO obvious that he truly enjoys it from the blush on his face and smile spreading on his beak

He doesn't really ever return the energy you throw at him but he does always accept it and embrace it

He honestly enjoys clever puzzle based pick up lines

Or any pick up line or pun that makes him think for a minute

== == ==

This was cute! Thanks for the ask, I always enjoy 'em! Hope you have a lovely day, afternoon, and goodnight!

#rottmnt #rot tmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raph #rise raph #rise mikey #rise donnie #rise leo #rottmnt ask #ask response #thanks for the ask!

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winglssdemon · 1 year

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Omg

Weight loss does not automatically mean your body is eating your muscles and organs. The antivaxxer level of anti science on this site when it comes to weight loss is unbelievable.

Your body will only start "eating" your muscles if you're losing weight AND YOU DONT NEED TO AND ARE HEADED TO BEING UNDERWEIGHT.

WEIGHT LOSS CAN BE SUSTAINABLE. WEIGHT LOSS IS A VIABLE AND SOMETIMES A NEEDED OPTION FOR SOME PEOPLE.

HUGE REMINDER THAT THERE ARE TIMES WHEN WEIGHT LOSS CAN HELP DISABLED FOLK ESP FOLK WITH CHRONIC PAIN. It's not a cure-all but people with chronic pain experience large amounts of inflammation in the body and having excess adipose CAN cause inflammation just by itself. Compound that with extra weight on joints can make movement that may already be difficult even more difficult.

And while I'm on this rant, I'm SO sick of people acting like overeating and binging aren't disordered eating and also forms of self harm. I'm sick of the "body positive" activists who get SO mad that some fat people HAVE become fat through overeating and binging and want to talk about it. Like why can't those of us who gained weight through disordered behaviors actually talk about it? Why don't you talk about or let others talk about the fact that some people go from a restrictive eating disorder to a binge eating disorder.

Reasons Why I a Disabled Person decided to lose weight:

1. I knew I was eating too much junk food and not eating enough fruits and vegetables. So I started working on moderating how much junk food I was intaking and I have been trying really hard to make sure I choose healthier options.

2. My chest was/is too big. It was beginning to cause actual dysphoria issues along with the excess weight giving me constant shoulder and neck pain. Weight loss cannot be targeted at any specific part of your body, but overall weight loss can help you lose cup sizes.

3. The food was making my chronic pain worse. Many ultra processed foods are known to increase pain in people with chronic pain and it's been proven in multiple studies that eating a healthier diet can help decrease pain. It won't get rid of it, but it can help.

4. I was using food as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Stress eating is not actually helpful in the long run. Sure it makes you feel better while you're eating it, but once it's gone the problems, the pain, the stress is all still there.

5. I want to be able to use my crutches and KAFOs more often and having already lost a fair amount of weight, I can definitely 100% say that I have less difficulty using them than when I was at my heaviest. It's easier for myself to push myself in my wheelchair, and it's easier to propel myself in sled hockey. Among this, getting a bigger chair was just out of the question when I last ordered my most recent chair. The world is already so hostile to wheelchair users and spaces are already so narrow, it's easier to have a smaller chair if possible. Like we can talk all we want about how things need to be more accessible and universal design needs to be implemented everywhere so people in all sizes of wheelchairs esp those in power chairs, can get around easily without this being something to worry about, but at the end of the day, I want to be able to get through as best I can, and making sure I'm not going any bigger with my wheelchair is legit just something I have to do.

And you know what, even with all of these reasons, there's still the fact that people deserve bodily autonomy so if I want to safely lose weight for ANY reason, then that's my choice.

#weight loss #dieting #anti science #istg so many people on this website need to stop listening to anything a tumblr user says and taking it as fact without ANY research #if youre actually curious about the way ultra processed food can negatively affect you both physically and mentally #you should look some of this stuff up #and for the love of anything look up medical research and not random people selling body positivity courses #ableism #disability #and if you care about anorexia and orthorexia then you should also care about binge eating disorder #and stop hating on fat people who are fat because they have dealt with overeating #like its not morally wrong to be fat #but it sure is morally wrong to be judgemental and not ever let fat people who overeat talk about their lives and disordered eating #sorry not sorry for the super long rant #i just was not expecting the first thing i came across was a pile of complete anti science bullshit masquerading as body positivity #anyways i hate the body positivity movement #its always been shit to disabled people from the beginning and its literally turned cult like #body neutrality #cripple punk body neutrality

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daintydurdencokedupwaif · 1 year

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Control: what is it

I've made a discovery that's allowed to eat 1290 calories today even though I binged yesterday and probably will tomorrow. Control, what is it? Since my obsession with becoming full blown fucking anorexic, I've heard countless confessions about the anorexic's real craving, control. I estranged myself from this concept, even during my honeymoon phase and since then I've been in our of good weeks and shitty ones, managing to lose some but also gain. Then today, I decided to lean into the psychotic episode and mental breakdown and actually talk the demon making me binge (myself.) After doing this, I decided that if I would genuinely give being skinny up for a cupcake then I wasn't ready to get to 38kg. I hate the not being ready but I also don't think so I am. I'm launched into states of depression or caffeine highs or sugar highs or cravings yet the only time I feel okay is when I can control things.

Counting calories

Monitoring my weight

Cutting up food

Throwing away food

Venting

Skipping meals

Eating when I want

Working out/toning my fat

Purging up food

Bloating myself with ONLY water

Constant weight loss

Subliminals

A lot of the time it kills me the idea anyone around could lose weight or is skinnier than me. It kills me that I waste away days or time moves so fast. It kills me I feel certain ways about things which then affect my actions. It kills me I don't hate food. Mostly, it kills me I've damaged myself so much that I dont have the heart to love myself. I know I won't stop, I can't go on and live a normal life with normal meals and a normal bmi. Not with this world. Being skinny would solve the pain and even if it didn't I would feel less like I existed so I could disappear easier. When it all bubbled up I'd feel so close to being nothing I could pretend I am. But I can't do that, until Ive brainwashed myself into food hatred, until sugar makes me physically ill and I only get joy from fasting and starving. I just hope it doesn't take too long, but I guess once it's dead, it's dead.

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blueeandyellowmakesgreen · 2 years

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I started ST really really late (like after Vol 2 came out) and one of the only things I knew about the fandom was that so many people hated Melvin (both my IRL friends and people on Tumblr) and when I first binged S1-2, I kept wondering 'why tf do people hate them so much, they're so cute' - I was a wholeass Melvin shipper for the 2 weeks it took me to watch those season and the hate for them made me so sad. And then I got to s3 ep 1 after they started being obnoxious and ignoring their friends and it instantly clicked for me why people hated them so much. In one episode I went from adoring them to feeling instantly annoyed whenever they were onscreen.

By ep 2 I was cheering for their breakup. And then!!!! I watched the S3 Byler rain fight and realized that they were really going down the road of Will being gay and in love with Mike, and right after the fight and Mike biking in the rain to apologize, I converted to Byler and haven't looked back since. Season 4 just made me hate Melvin more and ship Byler harder (I love the pining, especially the van scene, sue me) and when I went back to rewatch S1-2, it really hit me how many wonderful Byler moments I missed (like the shed scene and the super spy scene) and also hit me how weird S1 Milkvan was since they kissed a week after she escaped the lab (and it happened right after she asked if he would be her brother 💀 that relationship was bones from the start ngl)

Anyway idk what the point of this rant is lmao I'm just saying that you're not alone in loving Melvin and converting to Byler.

hell yeah!!! dont get me wrong, i openly clown myself for shipping melvin and i dont blame myself for it, because they were adorable! im glad both of you and i saw the light <33

if yall have any other melvin convert stories for me, im all game to hear it B) i need to know theres a lot of us out there

#byler #thank you for telling me this bc your experience is def a nonbiased take and im glad to see peoples pov

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skz4thgenleaders14 · 11 months

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I'm 14 and my family treats me like sht. am I overreacting?

TW!!! mentions of $h, su!c!de and mental health.

Okay so im 13 turning 14 in 20 days so basically 14. Me and my family have had issues in the past but it seems like they make fun of me for a hobby. First of all, im extremely interested in kpop especially the popular groups such as skz, bts, txt and my family constantly makes fun of me and calls me an asian lover which makes me super uncomfortable because im trying to just enjoy the music and support the idols and they call me severely nasty names on a daily basis that i will not being saying here. Since i was 12 turning 13 so back in 2022 i struggled with self harm, ed and looking after myself. My siblings would call me an emo lesbian that cuts and they also made comments like "shut up you'll kill yourself before you even make it to year 10" (im in year 8 as of right now). it hurts because they know what im going through and one of my siblings who says it even has experienced the same thing but thats no excuse to call me horrendous names. My parents are as equally bad they tell me im attention seeking and i just needa snap out of it. I attemped to end my life twice and haven't opened up to anybody about it because whenever i would ask to have a chat they would say "dont start this shit again" or "here we go again" and simply brush it off. The thing that affected me the most was when i start to have good days and feel comfortable about my body and scars my parents would point out my self harm and when I would politely tell them to stop they would say "well thats your fault for doing it where people can see maybe next time you should do it where we cant see" and I'd get called a cow, bitch, brat etc. This also overlaps on my drama at school. Im in the process of moving schools but its not definent. at my current school my friend tries to compete w me w mental health, she even admits she tries to act 'depressed' and 'emo'. she brushes off my feelings and acts as if shes the 'left out' main character yet i follow her everywhere,hangout with her, defend her, help her out yet its not enough for her. one day i decided to hang w one of my friends in class bc ive had enough of doing stuff for her without appreciation and she got mad and avoided me and started victim playing so i attempted to run away at snack break but when the attendence got taken the email went thru to my parents and they called me telling me to get back in class. everyone at school hates me because my bully moved schools after bullying me in year 6 and said some nasty shit about me. i also struggle from an ed and i have severe body dysmorphia but my parents tell me to 'just eat' or to 'just stop eating' depending if its a binge day or the opposite. my so called friend makes me ucomfortable and thinks mental health is enjoyable aswell as self diagnosing herself. i want to run away from everything but im lost and i dont know what to do. am i overreacting or is my family and friends actual assholes??

#self h@rm #mental health #mentalheathawareness #help plz #parents #friends #14 years old

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