#i desperately need someone to write a fic or sum lol

[demigods-posts]

canonically, percy isn't aware of the crushes people have on him until it's too obvious to deny — like when annabeth kissed him, or when nico straight up told him. and since percy isn't aware of rachel's crush on him until the beginning of tlo, that means there was a point in time when rachel was actively trying to get with him and he had no idea. and it's not even his fault lol. he just only saw her as his good friend and just thought her advances were her being friendly. i just have to see this in action.

#percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo text post #pjo headcanon #percy jackson #rachel elizabeth dare #just imagine rachel taking percy to an expensive event and holding his hand #and percy's all: #'oh my friend is probably anxious of big crowds. let me hold her hand because friends help each other in their time of need🥰' #or rachel taking any chance she gets to grab his bicep or touch his shoulder #and he's all: #'rachel is a very affectionate person. it's cool tho. so am i when i'm around people i care about. rachel is such a cool friend🥰' #i desperately need someone to write a fic or sum lol

[leahrintarou]

can you please please please please pretty please with a cherry on top write a smut fic with a mean dom kita, but he still showers you in touches and fulfills your needs ? just like …… please make him so dirty, filthy mouth mean, and depraveddddd i NEED himmmmm (oh and breeding kink might fit in here too oops :D)

🎃 Kita Shinsuke - Hard Dom

Warnings: hard!dom kita x fem reader, jealousy, fem bodied reader, mentions of kita looking at other women, penetration/stimulation, barely noticeable breeding kink lol, im not used to writing hard dom guys so um i hope i did a lil sum sum with this lmao

Word Count: 1.9k

kita's hand increasingly squeezed the plush of her thigh, daunting her with her inability to focus solely on the screen. tighter it got, as every jumpscare played out. their living room was dim, the television sharply breaking the lack of light with warm and gray-scaled radiance. flashes of images spouting from its glint. her legs were enclosed around her boyfriend’s infiltrating digits with what she thought was an innocent gesture; though, unbeknownst, it soon came to be much more.

their night started off rather uneventfully, as their exhaustion made itself apparent from their long day out with friends. walking around aimlessly was the one thing that fuelled the drag, but not without feelings of isolation. With the pairing of cold shoulders accompanied by prolonged silent treatments, y/n didn’t dare confront kita with her mindfulness of when his gaze lingered on the faces of some of the women in their friend group. 'It's just basic manners of eye contact; he’s not doing anything wrong' is what she would relentlessly repeat to herself.

even though she'd try to convince herself that her boyfriend was never the type to do such a thing, his friendliness would counteract her ideas of hope with doubtfulness. kita noticed how she'd loosen the grip between their interlocked fingers whenever he'd share a laugh with one of the girls. how her smile would falter when he turned his head to converse with them. though this detail was small, he still picked up on how y/n would have him repeat his sentences because she 'didn't hear' him, even though they were within a finger’s reach of each other. all she craved was his attention, even if it were to be extended by a second.

tensions clouded their drive back home. in an attempt to swat away the fog, they mutually agreed to watch a newly released horror movie in the silent hopes of easing their obvious discomfort. kita began to develop the trait of learning to hide his emotions, which would prove beneficial to his volleyball team as it kept the opposing side guessing what course of action he’d take. Though, as they say, opposites attract. Someone could tell how y/n was feeling from miles away due to her expressive body language. nevertheless, as they sat together on the couch, whether or not y/n relished it, the way she leaned in closer to kita's person as his digits danced against her skin, kita had no trouble being able to read her true, undisclosed feelings.

y/n finally turned her head, breaking the session of excruciating silence and giving kita a lustful glare before placing eager kisses on the crook of his neck. despite the shower that he'd taken just minutes prior, the now-faint scent of his cologne still lingered within the pores of his skin, which she so desperately wanted to bury herself in.

one thing, of course, led to another, and that's what brought them here. kita's hands made restless motions of pleasure with the inserting motions of his digits in and out of her sex. y/n was already becoming a breathless mess at his lack of mercy with her. already coming to her high at least twice already; however, kita was seemingly unpleased. his eyes lingered on the screen of the tv while y/n hugged his arm to try and ground herself to reality while next to him. he forced her to keep her legs spread because if she were to do otherwise...

"i'll stop everything completely."

he said, his eyes still on the TV as he seemed dazed. y/n let out moans as his palm would slightly graze over her bud every once in a while. was he doing this on purpose? of course. did y/n have to know that? absolutely not. and even if she did, it would be the least of her worries since now the movie was coming to an end, which means that kita's attention was now fully focused on y/n. this might've sounded like a good thing a bit earlier in her day, but right now she knew that kita would observe the entirety of her while putting every damn thing on either of their bodies to good use. 

"shin, 'm s-sensetive. slow down for a sec-" her voice faltered with every other word. it was a sight to see, to say the least, and while kita knew he had the ability to follow through with her request, what was the fun in that? he smiled, leaning closer to her ear before placing a kiss on her temple. "why should I? my sweet angel was just complaining about how I gave my attention to other girls, and now she can't handle what she asked for." y/n let out a whine when he fixed his wrist to reach even further inside her. "you're being ungrateful, sweetheart."

kita used his thumb to now give her aching bud more of the attention that he spoke of prior. y/n was immediately sent over the edge at the overwhelming feeling, and the heavy moan that fell along with it was music to kita's ears. his lips wore a smirk of satisfaction when her legs shivered, desperately trying to stay in place as his previous warning was in the back of her mind. "those thoughts of yours can be really stupid sometimes, y/n." he says, his fingers slowing to a pace that would be bearable for her in her state of sensitivity. y/n noticed and was grateful for this gesture of his.

kita used her freehand to sturdily grip y/n's jaw, forcing her to lock eyes with him. "say it, y/n." he started, his eyes flickering down to her sex as he spoke his next words. "say that you're a stupid girl who lets this aching hole think for her." his fingers entered her sex a bit roughly, making y/n wince from the sensitivity. y/n's eyes glossed with unrecognizable and uncontrollable emotion. kita smiled slightly when her legs fluttered closely around his hand. he watched intently, looking back up at y/n with daring eyes that silently said, "close them and you'll realize that I meant what I said, earlier." even despite her many releases, she didn't feel all that satisfied, so she forced herself to think of something else. well, tried to at least.

all she could mutter was, "you're so mean, shin.." y/n whined with a slightly visible pout on her lips. kita released y/n's jaw from his hold as he watched her let out a breath from the action. he quirked an eyebrow, watching y/n's sex as he slowly removed his fingers from her at a slow pace. her arousal coated his digits and leaked down the back of his hand and palm as he held it up in front of both of their opposing faces. "am I, sweetheart?"

y/n was reluctant to give an audible answer, so she sufficed with a nod. "i just don't want that thought crossing this empty head of yours again." he laughed, his tongue skillfully catching the traveling arousal that'd made its way to his wrist. "i'll give you what you asked for, and you're going to take every ounce, got it?" he said, using the pads of his middle and ring finger to swipe a bit of her own arousal onto her bottom lip. he leaned in for a sloppily shared kiss, and as he pulled back, his freehand ran down her abdomen before stopping just barely under her belly button. he pressed into the area slightly, y/n shivering at the bitter temperature of his finger tips.

"is this where you wanna feel me, sweetheart?"

he asked, gently trailing his fingers further up, now stopping above her belly button and below her sternum. "or do you wanna feel me here?" y/n let out a whimper when he pressed into the area with much more force this time. "can you take all of me, angel?" y/n nodded eagerly at his words. kita wasted no time pulling his bottoms down to his thighs, revealing his erected member. y/n knew kita wasn't the type to come apart as quickly as his endurance allowed him to go on for hours.

he quickly placed his hands on her hips, lifting her to straddle his lap instead. he knew y/n was still sensitive, but that made it all the better for his chance of pushing her over the edge. y/n felt tears prick her eyes with a sting as he shifted her to swifly allow her to slide down onto the entirety of his member. kita let out a low groan that almost made y/n tip over the edge.

he found the whole situation pleasing, and as he admired her pleasure-filled features, he lifted her hips slowly before allowing her to fall back down, her thighs meeting with his own bare lap. he continued these motions, seemingly getting off from the friction, of course, but the way y/n reacted to every touch was just as arousing as ever. her whines met with the crook of his neck, and even as she tried to kiss him to muffle her sounds, he pulled back so he'd be able to hear every indication of her climax approaching once more. y/n was obviously displeased by his teasing, but she couldn’t worry anymore about that when he spoke, startling her just a bit.

"if you wanna cum, you gotta do it yourself, sweetheart," he smiled, and with that, he let go of her hips and instead rested his hands on the sides of her thighs. y/n's legs were practically burning, and she knew that he was dead serious, so she mustered up the limited amount of energy that was only being fueled by her pure desire to push herself away from his member, only to meet with his lap once again. kita watched intently, admiring where their bodies connected, letting out a stringy moan at the sight of his girl. y/n was nearing her high, and it was obvious when she gripped the fabric of his shirt with force. "do you want it inside of you, angel?" he questioned, following her lolling head as the energy was being drawn from her being with every movement of hers.

her eyes widened as kita hurriedly awaited an answer. she honestly didn't know whether to say yes or no. ultimately, though, it was never her choice. her body agreed with the first option. "speak up, y/n. i need you to talk to me." his voice was comforting and calm, and y/n knew this was his way of easing any pressure that she might've felt. Momentarily after, she nodded, kita quirking his brow, unsatisfied with her lack of audibility. "with your voice, sweetheart."

she let out a whine of his name before following out with his request. kita gave into his pity felt for y/n, once again firmly gripping her hips to aid her in riding out her approaching climax. they let out synchronized sounds of pleasure as their highs finally approached one another. y/n panted heavily, breath fanning kita's cheek as he admired the slight jolts of pleasure that continued to coarse throughout her body. his warm arousal settled in her sex as kita pulled her to his chest, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"was i too mean for you, angel?" he teased, letting out a small laugh as she nodded to his words. "then how should I receive your forgiveness?" with that, she lifted her head, already knowing the intentions behind his words. "shinsuke, I'm tired-" she mumbled with a groan.

"how about a two-minute break then?"

"just...TWO MINUTES?" 

I HOPE U ENJOYED THIS, IT WAS A LAST RESORT CHAPTER FOR KINKTOBER THIS YEAR :) !!

Taglist: @meowmeowmau @jiwooahae @sunaemoby @diana7was7here @msbyomimi @chocoweird0 @riiceandsoup @issllaaa

#hq smut #anime #haikyuu #anime smut #anime and manga #haikyu smut #kinktober #haikyū!! #hq anime #hq fanfic #kita smut #shinsuke kita #kita shinsuke #hq kita #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke x y/n #kita shinsuke x you #kita shinsuke smut #hq shinsuke #shinsuke smut #shinsuke kita x reader #inarizaki smut #hq inarizaki #inarizaki #2023 kinktober #kinktober 2023 #kink tumblr

[ikemen-bully]

I know I failed to advertise the fic too, thanks to wonderful irl things I will not tell you about but I have to rewrite "My role as the best friend"

Didn't plan to make the magic more important than it actually is but circumstances made it that it's kind of logical that if Chiemi have to start to beat ass it can't be on strength alone

Aaand there's a scene I hesitated to add and now I agonize because that was so cool! And I didn't put it. I have to

And last detail being the OG Chiemi herself

So we can consider the first version un "faux départ"

But I rather do that than keep going and have it become a mess. I also am tempted to read more villainess NOVELS

I also wanted to do one that is closer to France before the revolution where it's about women's involvement in literature because France had great authors of their time. There's also salon that make it super interesting. I just know about the précieuse mouvement so far but just that make you want to search for more

It's just... Rofan kind of take what was established but like... In the universe of rofan with an inspiration for Europe and a system of monarchy but it's sad that many have what I call the "protagonist's world" point of view making it that everything have to be useful to make the protagonist better in our eyes

So as a result even if they are villainess I am wondering. Where is the overconfidence? The manipulation? The pettiness? The mean girls minions (no really I NEED THEM)

All of this really get you when you've finished the rose of Versailles. I love evil women who are still full fledged characters. We desperately need them in like... Every genre ever because when I have to talk about villainess I'd like for it to be about more than a love rivals (that aren't even that evils nowadays for better or worst)

All in all I just got more interested in everything more feminine I can get my hands on. I just... Want variety of female characters soooo badly

The thing being too is that in my otome Isekai I have the character of Nezuko that I do like a lot because while she have her character arc it doesn't end with her befriending Chiemi and Hanako.

I always feel this "all or nothing" with female character and I'd like it so much more if we had more "well that's complicated"

I ended up writing a lot but it's just I am devouring books so much recently so the inspiration is there but not enough to rewrite

You don't say, writing is hard. A scene in Chihayafuru sum up very well that any craft can be summed up as the "pain of creating something"

But despite having to rewrite the beginning of the story and waiting to work on the magic system, I just feel more motivated because I am taking a direction.

I also feel like there's a lot of people who should try their hands at original writing because many stories don't go the way we wish they did and at this point, especially when it come to LGBT stories (*avid heroine x best friend and heroine x villainess shipper here*) I feel like many would do a better job than the media they relied on for this

But people are also right that fanworks are for fun, for analysis of your favorite stories and ect

I just am someone who wrote original content for something like 4-5 years straight before to fall into fandom again so wanting to create everything myself will always be something I'd like to do

I don't know if it all make sense lol. But like if you ever feel like it's just brain vomit I feel like the anime "re:creators" sum up perfectly my love for creating stories.

All in all I took more time than I expected to write all of this and I have stuff to do so see you still a lot of things to read

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hi! A fan of your writing here. I just love the way you write Caroline. An Avoidable Heart is my comfort fic and I am constantly in awe with the way you write and craft the dynamics in that story. Caroline's inner monologue is just priceless and God! I just love that intro scene where Caroline is walking into the Mikaelson compound with vampires and hybrids in the surrounding ready to pounce on her.

I would love to hear how you would have visualized Caroline crossing over into TO or not? Like in what season and why? How it would have likely gone?

Thank you!

First of all lovely anon gimme a moment to breathe, asdfghjkl why are people so lovely 😭😭🥺✨ It means sooo much to me that you’d take the time to jump into my inbox and send these kind words, like please I’m not worthyyyyy, But you make me smile and feel really freaking warm so *handcuffs your hand to mine* you aint leaving 💖✨💞🙃

But OK ALSO oh my god dude THAT CAROLINE WALTZS INTO THE COMPOUND AND TAKES ON A COUPLE HUNDRED VAMPIRES BY HERSELF SCENE???? Ughhhhh I’m sorry but I have SUCH a boner for Caroline in that, like my badass -I admit kinda op- QUEEN IS HERE and she’s fucking shit up, I’m sorry but I love that scene so much it’s so dear to me I was killing myself over how self-indulgent and grossly Over powered Caroline is but like idgaf man it’s such a hot scene and Caroline is practically invincible and we just love to see that, so seriously lovely anon, you telling me you LOVE that scene??? Puts the biggest smile on my face and reassures me a LOT bc I was whining and cribbing over how absolutely unbalanced that scene is to literally everyone BUT LIKE YOU JUMPING OUT OF NOWHERE and pointing that exact scene UGHH…...meant to fucking be the both of us 💖💞✨

And ALSO Caroline’s monologue is quite honestly the easiest inner monologue out of the three voices I wrote for that work, Klaus’s is the real pain in the ass tbvh like it is NOT easy writing pretentious besotted losers with a Kardashian complex especially when you need to make them sound cool when they’re the lamest OP dude bros to ever exist - and no I don’t hate Klaus although I seem to try my darndest to convince ppl I do- I just personally believe that a feral fucker like that with a thousand years of existence under his belt can grow a pair and graduate from his kindergarten level of emotional maturity to adult sometime soon, But then on the flipside he’s so grossly adorkably smitten and feral for Caroline plus hella horny for her all the time that its usually easy to write the trashed and devoted idiot he is into something pretentious and powerful and potent when relating to his unflappable arrogance and his narcissism, but sometimes I also need him to be *deep* and ffs profound for the sake of the plot and jfc my muse just wont work with me on that, she’s like I’m sorry I’m not about to bust my ass to make this mongrel intelligible like no sir all I wanna do is make him uncomfortably horny for Caroline and leave him like that.

So smh yeah the struggle is real….but lmao Caroline is just so precious and fiercely protective and just so achingly lonely in that story, so desperate for connection and trust and intimacy yet so guarded and impervious to everyone like it hurts me to write her like that but it really challenges me as an author to balance out her inherent light with the “void” I create in her and through her, so yeah it’s a very fulfilling task and I wouldnt change it one bit, and also I had to balance out her physical op-ness w half a millennium of the ugliest emotional trauma lol so I guess that figures, but the point being….once again I am overjoyed knowing that you liked a facet of the story that I tried so hard to make as authentically Caroline and achingly real and moving as I can and I cannot possibly feel more accomplished than rn for it so ty ty ty ty for reaching out to me and telling me *tackle hugs* It makes me GIDDY knowing that you enjoyed that particular part of the story like ugh stab me please you're too sweet.

And ok NOW, coming to The Originals part of the ask, (also please note that when I say TO headcanon; Hope does not exist, Hayley is a dead in a ditch and ofc Klaus will stop being that lil bitch they tried to pawn off as Klaus in TO) 

HEADCANON 1

Honestly my biggest headcanon when it comes to TO crossovers somehow always include non-humanity!Caroline like it’s just so perfect to me?? The opportunity to make shit BLOW UP b/w them like imagine the DEBAUCHERY, the heat, the SEXUAL TENSION, the repression of one Klaus Mikaelson, the EXPLORATIONS, and omg the role reversal when Klaus has to be the voice of moral reason between them and not bc he believes Caroline would not be able to stand herself if she does something heinous and monstrous but bc he wants her to be completely and utterly herself, and yk *aware*, when she DECIMATES ppl to the ground and is in full-on predator mode, like he wants her monster to come out and play with him when no part of Caroline is locked away or suppressed, so obviously when she is w/o her humanity KLAUS exercises restraint on her behalf, like can you imagine that, Klaus restraining himself and being the vague, extremely broken and just largely inaccurate moral compass between the two of them for ALL the wrong reasons- and the entirety of NOLA just standing there watching him herd this baby vampire who seems to be intent on riling him up and angering him when all she is doing is giving him a massive hybrid hard on, like IMAGINE THE GOODNESS of non-humanity Caroline wrecking NOLA and Klaus letting her wreck it bc he is helpless in the face of Caroline Forbes and also bc he is quite honestly *enjoying* the debauchery himself so why put a damper on the festivities.

-I might wanna add that I favour this headcanon a lot bc I genuinely do not even remotely *like* the idea of NOLA as Klaus's chosen place to set his roots so like I would love Caroline going to NOLA and destroying everything there just bc I detest NOLA and the storyline behind it in TO. (yes is it petty? Obvi, but like I am a petty soul and I make no apologies ma’am)

HEADCANON 2

So yeah that’s my main TO headcanon, but my other one being, one I talk about very frequently, scream about in tag rants to an obsessive level, and like this is a cracky one but still very valid, where Caroline rolls up to NOLA humanity intact and all, finds Hayley preggo and is just laughing her fucking ass off bc anybody ANYBODY, with half a brain and a two minute convo w klaus would know how UTTERLY stupid the entire baby shit is especially when it’s with an immemorable one night stand, and Caroline’s just losing her shit about how like an entire city is obssessed w this baby and she just straight up tells Klaus he’d SUCK as a dad (which he really does tho like he was a shitty fucking dad canonically too) and Klaus is just like *sigh* girl tell me about it. I mean basically he’s finally relieved that someone is on his side about the whole baby thing and how he definitely does not want his entire millennium of life to finally sum up to this one squalling leaking stinky infant/unicorn Hayley is apparently baking in her oven, and I say this headcanon is cracky bc klaus would never have put up w this mess long enough for Caroline to come in and sort it out, there’s this preferred method of disposal of his called heart ripping that would've been employed quite early on and honestly saved us all a lot of brain cells and minused years of life, bc let’s be real any Klaus who’s NOT a lil snivelling bitch wearing a Klaus skinsuit would’ve yeeted the baby and the mama first chance he got, and that’s just how I see it.

Lmao I really hope I didnt scare you away w my *strong* opinions Ik they can be a bit much but I enjoy having them so theyre not going anywhere, anyways this ask answer got WAYYYY too long but I’m hoping I answered your question well with this or atleast left you slightly confused and bemused over my feral screaming....either ways I’m really really really happy to have got your ask and the chance to rant so much bs, Twas cathartic and honestly I had nothing to do today so I was more than happy to dish this baby out for you. Thank you so much sweet anon for putting a smile on my face today I am absolutely HONOURED by your words you’sa cutie 💖💞✨🗣🗣

#first of all #LONG POST #second #I did rant a LOTTTT more than what was prolly expected but lmao am I sorry? #no #anyway so those are my general drivel-tastic thoughts straight from glitter graveyard brain #hope you enjo navigating through so much bs anon #and I hope someone puts a smile on your face that's as large and bright as the one you've put on mine today #anon asks #ask certified ceraunophile #anti the orginals #tvd headcanons #tvd #klaroline #anon youre the sweetest #shakes hand cuffed hand #you stuck w me lovely #💞💞

[waywardnerd67]

Starving Affection

Summary: It had been five years since (Y/N) had any physical contact with another person. When she starts talking with a man online who reads her fanfics, a battle of her  mind and body begins. When the time comes to meet him, she finds that there are still decent human beings in the world.  Characters: Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, Sami (OFC), Plus Size!Reader Pairing: Jensen x Plus Size!Reader Warnings: Angst/Fluff/Smut/Body Image Distortion Word Count: 9256 A/N: Again, me working through my feels. Thank you for allowing me to do so.

My chest tightened. Jaw clenched until my teeth hurt. My body rigid and frozen as panic flowed through my veins. The overly friendly, new teacher had her arms outstretched towards me. If I had been a normal person, I would gladly hold my arms out as well embracing her kindness and affection.

I was not normal.

“Hey Katy!” My partner teacher and best friend, Sami, headed her off by stepping in front of me and taking the hit of affection.

There was a special place in Heaven for Sami and if not, I would fight God themselves to make it so. I could see Sami whispering to Katy and a nod of acknowledgement told me I would not have to worry about her advancements again.

“Sorry (Y/N), I didn’t know you weren’t a hugger. How about a high five?” Her sweet gesture had my trembling hand stretching out to her as she quickly slapped it with her own.

Only Sami could see my flinch from the physical touch of someone. Everyone else summed it up to my quirky personality and weird aversion to being touched. Thankfully our English department meeting was over and I could escape to the safe haven of my car. Sami was close behind me waving goodbye to everyone.

I bumped my shoulder to hers as she was the only one I had no problem with minor touching, “Thank you for taking that hug for me.”

She laughed, “You’re lucky I’m a friendly and huggy person. Hey, I meant to ask you before school today, but how is counseling going?”

I cringed, averting my gaze from her, “It’s… going fine.”

She stopped me with a tap on my shoulder, “The truth, please.”

I sighed as my shoulders slumped in defeat, “I stopped going,” I saw the incoming assault in her narrowing sky colored eyes.

“(Y/N)! You were making such good progress with this counselor. I was even able to give you a one arm hug.” The disappointment in her voice weighed my shoulders down even more.

I leaned against my car pulling on the sleeves of my hoodie, “I know, I know. She had me go to one of her support groups and everyone had to hug someone. I… I just couldn’t. I tried three or four times going to the group and I failed every time.”

My eyes fell to the ground, disgust filling my mind, “Yes, you really are as pathetic as you’re sounding.” My inner voice snarked.

I heard Sami sigh, “It’s okay. We can work through it together. We can keep doing everything you liked from her and work at your pace.”

Looking up, I forced my lips into a small smile to appease my only real life friend, “That sounds good. Thanks Sami for putting up with me.”

I made my way home to a small ranch style home that was off the beaten path. My grandparents had left it to me knowing I would love the seclusion of it. It was my Fortress of Solitude. The only living thing, other than Sami, to be able to snuggle with me was Charlie the cat. The copper Main Coon was sitting by the door awaiting my arrival.

My evenings were always the same. Check in with my mom for an hour on the phone. Make or order dinner, which tonight was ordering pizza for the leftovers tomorrow. Turning on my favorite TV show, Supernatural, on Netflix and working on one of my millions of fanfics.

“Yes, stay in complete denial by hiding in your fantasy worlds and falling in love with fictional characters. Loser.”

I pushed my inner thoughts to the very back of my mind and focused on my current series I was writing. Pulling up Tumblr, I looked in my notifications seeing someone binge reading my masterlist. My heart always swelled with joy whenever someone took the time to read my writings. This person was also leaving feedback as well.

“ChevyMan67: I love this version of Dean! You truly have captured his personality and sarcasm.”

“ChevyMan67: I can’t get enough of this series! Please tell me there is more to come. I need to know if Dean finally falls in love and gets his apple pie life.”

I read through every comment and looked at every GIF the reader posted. I hit follow on his blog then took a few screenshots from my activity page, pulling up a blank post adding the pictures.

“Thank you to @ChevyMan67 for binging my stories! Your feedback means everything to me!”

As soon as I posted it there was a notification of a reblog from him. He posted a GIF of Dean screaming with #Fangirling flashing underneath. My cheeks ached from the unusual tension of a genuine smile spreading across my face.

Online I could be anyone I wanted. I would virtual hug and blow kisses at my friends. I was able to be more like the woman I was. Social, happy, carefree, open to others. I could be the woman I desperately wanted to be but my mind would not allow.

“Stay guarded. Remember what happened when you trusted him? Trusted his family? Never again. You promised never again.”

My indeed guard held the line at the gate of my mind. She stood in full armor and shield ready to throw off anyone that even attempted to break through to the part of me that desired to be a whole person again. I shook my head with a firm nod and reaffirmed my promise to myself to never let anyone that close to me again.

As I was closing down her computer for the evening, a ding caught my attention as a message came from Tumblr. Opening the window, I saw a DM from my newest follower.

“Hey there, I just wanted to say thank you for following me. Apparently I’m a rarity on here for being male and a fan of Supernatural. I truly love all your writings and can’t wait to read more. Hopefully, we can get to know each other better and become friends. Anyway, I’ll leave you alone. Message me any time. Goodnight.”

I re-read the message several times before closing my computer. Sure I had people message me for small talk and a few close friends I had on there. This felt different. Something deep within me sparked and I did not know how to react. There was only one person I knew I could go to and her reaction was more frightening than the thought of responding to ChevyMan67. That night was the first of many restless nights for me.

A week later, I finally sat down and responded to him.

“Hey, I’m sorry it took me so long to respond. I’m… well, I’m not used to talking to guys here. I think it’s great that you’re on here and reading, BTW. I’m working on a few pieces right now, maybe you could beta for me if you have time. I hope we can be friends as well. Have a good weekend!”

I was nearly hyperventilating when I hit enter sending the message. I tried to work on my newest one shot story and ignore my anxious heart awaiting for the ding. It was not until I was in bed watching my favorite episode of Supernatural that my phone chimed.

“Tumblr: Message from ChevyMan67”

My finger hovered for a moment before opening the app. The message opened and I let out a air I had been holding in my chest.

“No worries. Everyone is busy and has their “real life” to attend too. I work odd hours and days all the time so I get it. I would LOVE to beta for you!!!! Reading your work before it’s posted online? HELL YEAH! I feel honored you asked and I’m fanboying hard right now. Crap… that sounded… I mean. Sorry lol. You can send your fics to [email protected]. Looking forward to hearing from you again.”

Over the next six months, Ross and I talked throughout our days getting to know one another. Three month into Tumblr messenger and dumb updates, he gave me his cell number to text one another. At times, I would have to catch myself from laughing while my students took a test. Everyone around me started to notice the small changes in me. Smiling more, talking more and one student commented on me wearing bright colors.

“You look good in yellow Miss (Y/L/N).”

However it was Sami who demanded to know all about the changes going on with me. We sat at our favorite restaurant, the first round of drinks being set in front of us. After the waiter took our order, Sami began her interrogation.

“Tell. Me. Everything. You’ve been keeping me at bay and I’ve respected your space, but you have seemingly blossomed in the last few months. Spill.”

I bit my lower lip as my phone sounded with an all to familiar chime. I went to grab my phone when Sami placed her hand over it, “Me first. Tumblr second.”

“It’s not Tumblr. Let me reply to him and then I will tell you everything.” I dared to look up to see my best friend’s face frozen in shock.

Her eyes wide and mouth gaping, “Him?!”

I nodded reading Ross’s message, “Hey I know you’re out with Sami and going to tell her about little ole me. I just wanted to make sure you were still thinking about what I asked last night. Can’t wait to hear from you soon. Not now though, have fun with Sami.”

I smiled, locking my phone and putting it in my purse looking back to my ridiculously happy friend, “His name is Ross.”

There was a loud, attention grabbing squeal from her as I shushed her, “Leave out no details…” she rested her perfect chin on her folded hands.

I told her all about Ross and how we began talking. I told her everything I knew about him and what he knew about me. Finally, as our food came out and drinks were refilled, I told her about what he had dropped on me the previous night.

“He asked me to meet him at the Supernatural Convention in Dallas next month. He already has the passes paid for and a few photo ops that we could share.” My heart raced at the thought of meeting Ross and meeting my favorite celebrities all at the same time.

Sami’s smile faded slightly, “Does he know about your struggles with being touched?”

I nodded, “It was one of the first personal things I told him. He’s still talking to me so I took that as a frightening good sign.”

“What are you feeling?” her point blank question shook me for a moment.

My fingers drummed against the table, “I’m nervous, scared, anxious…” I paused for a moment before looking up at her with a smile.

“I’m also excited, hopeful and curious.”

Sami held out her hands to me, palms up and I hesitantly placed my hands in hers. It was something we had been working on for the last couple of months. This was the first time I allowed her to squeeze my hands.

“You really like him.” She whispered smiling like a fool.

I felt my own smile mirroring hers, “Yes I do and that scares me shitless.”

The rest of the evening felt like the old days before my life fell apart. When I got home, I decided to test my luck. Pulling up Ross’s number, my thumb hovered over it until I smashed it hearing it ringing.

“Well hello, this is a surprise.” His velvety smooth voice sent shivers down my body, “Take a deep breath and know it’s okay if you hang up to just text me.”

“N-No, I’ll be okay.” I stammered as he let out a low chuckle.

I could hear him moving away from other voices around him, “I interrupted something…” Guilt and shame weighing my shoulders down.

“Not at all. They can wait, you calling me is an important moment. Not everyday, I get to speak to my favorite writer on the phone.” His compliments calmed my queasy stomach, “Could I be so hopeful that this phone call is working up to a good answer?”

I took a deep breath in and let out slowly, “Yes.” The word seems foregin to her as it left my lips.

“Yes I can be hopeful or yes to my question?” His jovial banter eased the tension in my shoulders.

“Yes.” I tried to sound a little more confident, my heart beating against my chest.

There was a moment of silence before loud cheering and yelling came through her speaker. His excitement was silenced by my own unfamiliar laughter. Suddenly I was hyper aware that he was no longer making any noises. Panic and fear swelling inside me.

A soft sigh came from him, “You have a beautiful laugh. I can’t wait to hear it again.”

My cheeks burned, “Thank you.”

Ross told me he would send all the details for our trip and that I was not to worry about money of any kind. Mentally, I began planning out how to save as much money as I could in the next four weeks. Thankfully, my savings was built up enough to take a small hit and not dip into her emergency fund. Over the next several weeks, I began to prepare for my first convention, first time meeting an online friend, first time traveling by myself, first time facing the unknown in five years.

The morning of my travel day, I went over to Sami’s house with Charlie. I was surprised to see her sister sitting there. She waved to me before taking Charlie’s crate.

“What’s going on?” I looked around seeing Sami’s suitcase packed by the door.

She smiled, “Your friend Ross, reached out to me.”

The color from my face drained for a moment, “H-He did… How?”

“He found me on your Instagram page. DM me asking me to join you on your trip. Stating and I quote, ‘I know you being there with (Y/N) will make her more comfortable. I want this weekend to go as comfortably as possible for her. I know it’s a big step and I want her to be taken care of.’”

She smiled softly as my vision blurred from tears slipping down my face, “Oh… wow.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty amazing (Y/N/N). If you were ever going to work on overcoming your touch aversion this would be the man to do it for.” Sami turned around to help her sister, leaving me to my own thoughts.

“Absolutely not! There is no way he is getting through my defenses. I have held strong for five years. Your heart and mind are safe within my holds.”

“Do you really think he’s going to want to touch you? Look at yourself. Lumpy. Chunky. Squishy. Dull (Y/C/H) hair. Boring (Y/C/E) eyes. Not even a decent pair of boobs or ass. You’re nothing special. Always remember that you’re nothing special.”

“(Y/N)? (Y/N) stop it.” Sami’s voice rang clear bringing me back to the present.

I nodded slowly, “Sorry. I zoned out.”

“Freaked out. We will work through it. Sara is gonna drive us to the airport and we have an hour to chat. Okay?”

It was in the moment that I noticed my best friend had absentmindedly placed her hand on my shoulder and I did not flinch. My eyes looked to her hand and back to her, “You’re touching my shoulder.”

“Crap, I’m so sor…” she started to say but my bright smile stopped her, “What?”

I placed my hand on top of hers, “I didn’t flinch or move or even notice you did it.”

Now her smile was matching mine and we had a moment of pure excitement jumping around each other. True to her word, we spent the hour on the plane doing some meditative exercises. I thanked every high power who would listen for my best friend getting her psychology degree.

There was a man waiting with our names on a piece of paper. He took our bags and drove us to a  hotel near where the convention was being held. Sami checked us in since there were so many people inside and my anxiety started to flare up.

Breathe in counting to six. Breathe out counting to six.

I repeated my breathing exercise until Sami returned her brow furrowed, “What is it?”

“I don’t know who Ross knows, but he must be connected in some way. We have a suite on the fourteenth floor.”

My jaw dropped slightly before I stood up bracing myself for the next hurdle of getting through the elevator ride. Luckily, there were only two other girls in the car and I could safely keep my distance from them.

“I heard that Jensen is staying at this hotel.” One mentioned as the other rolled her eyes.

“Yeah right. This is Dallas, I’m sure he’s probably staying with his family or something.”

The girls exit on the eighth floor and before the doors could close Sami and I were chuckling to ourselves. The chances of Jensen Ackles staying at this hotel would be astronomical. The car dinged for the top floor and opened to a small hallway. When we opened the door to our suite neither of us spoke.

Sami walked throughout the entire room before I could even move from the entryway, “This room is amazing! Check out the view we have (Y/N).”

“Hold on. Having a moment.” I breathed as Sami came to my side and I held my hand out, “I’m fine. Just need a moment to make sure this is real and not a dream.”

I watched as she walked over to the coffee table where there was a gift basket and she held up a small notecard, “Oh it’s real.”

“(Y/N) and Sami, I hope you love your room. Enjoy your night and order anything you want. The front desk knows it’s all on my tab. I’m hoping you both will join me for dinner tomorrow night after registration. Sadly, my job won’t let me leave before then. I look forward to meeting you both. -R PS: I highly recommend the spa and they have a large private jacuzzi just for you, (Y/N).”

Sami sighed, “I really hope he has a single brother, cousin, friend that is like him for me.”

I rolled my eyes walking over to the large windows looking out. Flashes of the last time I was in Dallas popping into my mind. I shivered as the one voice I hated yelled loudly in my ears. My hands covered them and I felt Sami tap my shoulder twice. For the first time, in several years, I reached out to her and gripped her arms.

“(Y/N) remember why we’re here. Remember talking with Ross on the phone. The tone of Ross’s voice. His laughter.” Her calm tone eased me out of the wretched memory.

She guided me over to the couch and went to get me a glass of water. I sipped it slowly before squeezing her hand, “Thank you.”

“You know, I can get used to you reaching out to me. Feels like the (Y/N) I knew coming back.” Sami squeezed my hand back before I let slip from her grasp.

She was right, the woman I once was before my ex was fighting her way to get out again. Still, my guard was up standing fortified at the gate.

That evening was a girls’ night of epic proportions. They went to the spa where (Y/N) sat in her private jacuzzi while Sami received the best massage of her life. Afterwards, we ordered our dinner from room service making moderate choices since neither of us were paying. When our food came there was a special dessert also with another note.

“A little birdy told me that your favorite dessert was French Silk pie. I wanted you to have a slice and some New York Style cheesecake for Sami. Have a wonderful night.”

Sami whistled, “Man, he has it bad for you.”

“Shut up.” I muttered lifting the dome to see a delicious slice of pie.

As they ate and talked, Sami took my phone taking pictures of them enjoying a very Sam and Dean style dinner. Sami having a Chef’s salad with honey mustard dressing. I took a picture of my dinner sending it to Ross with a text saying thank you.

“Dean would be proud! That bacon cheeseburger looks good. Enjoy!”

I smiled the entire time I ate my burger. Finishing out meals, Sami hooked up her laptop putting on Supernatural. I decided to try and work on some stories when a terrifying thought crossed my mind. I looked up to the screen as Dean began to talk. I closed my eyes listening carefully to his voice. The low tone and smoothness of it. It was the way he said the word writer that had my eyes snapping open and a gasp escaping my lips.

“What? What is it?” Sami sat up concerning filling her eyes.

Like pieces to a puzzle everything snapped into place. All the small details that would go unnoticed by someone who would never expect it. Sami tapped my shoulder and I turned to her with wide eyes.

“Ross… that’s Jensen’s middle name.” I mumbled reaching for my phone.

Sami stood up pausing the episode, “Okay… what are you getting at.”

“Listen.” I played for her the voicemail he had left a few days earlier, “Now play the episode.”

Sami’s eyes connected to her, “No way.”

“Ross is Jensen Ackles.”

That night my dreams were filled with my ex yelling at me. Fat shaming me. Calling me a loser. Calling me useless for not being able to bear children. His looming form made me coward into a ball on the floor. I woke up several times during the night, the final time close to six in the morning. Sami was peacefully sleeping on her side of the bed.

I picked up my phone going into the living area and dialing the all too familiar number. On the third ring she was going to hang up, but then his groggy voice pierced my ears.

“(Y/N), is everything alright?” All I could hear was Dean, which meant that it was truly Jensen on the other side.

“You tell me, Jensen.” I heard him sit up as I began to pace near the window.

A long sigh came from him, “I knew you would figure it out before meeting me.”

I scoffed, “Is this some kind of celebrity joke or prank? Pretend to be someone’s friend and embarrass them when they meet you.”

My guard was shaking her head muttering, “Told you so…”

“No, (Y/N) it’s nothing like that. Misha had read some of your stories and suggested I should read them. At first, I thought it would be weird because I’ve never read fanfiction before, but your writing… it drew me in.” His words came out all in one breath.

I froze, “M-Misha read my stories? Oh god…” My body burned from embarrassment.

“Honestly, there’s not a person on our crew that hasn’t read at least one of your stories. You’re talented and the way you write for the boys is amazing. Our own writer’s are impressed with your talent.”

I groaned slumping down to the floor, “This was all a mistake.” The last thing I heard before ending the call was rustling around as if Jensen was moving from his bed.

My phone slipped from my hand as tears streamed down my face. I closed my eyes allowing my inner voices to consume me. Dragging me down into the darkness.

“You fool! Here I stood guarding you from this and still you allowed someone in. You deserve what is coming to you!”

“You useless piece of nothing! You’re the biggest joke this world ever created. Fat, ugly, even your body can’t do the one basic thing god made it to do. You’re worthless. Sucking up air that could be used on someone contributing to the world. No matter what anyone says you will always be the biggest failure in this world. You. Are. Nothing.”

I felt someone tapping on my shoulder and I tightened myself into a ball, “Go away Sami.”

The tapping continued and I reached out grasping an unfamiliar hand. My eyes snapped open and were met with concerning, piercing olive eyes. The eyes I stared at for hours on my TV. The eyes I wrote about in hundreds of thousands of words online.

As soon as my eyes opened he withdrew his hand and my heart sank further into darkness, “I told you. He will never want to touch your disgusting body.” The snide voice of my inner self whispered.

“(Y/N), please hear me out. Please for five minutes just listen to my side.” He sat across from me leaving a foot of distance between us.

I nodded looking up as Sami gently touched his shoulder, “I will be just outside if you need me.”

He waited for the door to close to start talking. His large hands rubbing against his cotton covered thighs.

“I started reading your masterlist on Tumblr and couldn’t get enough of your stories. I didn’t know exactly how to work Tumblr so Misha showed me how. I noticed you don’t get a lot of notes and I wanted everyone to notice you. I started sharing your work with everyone after sending you that message.”

He paused for a moment as I fidget with the hem of my shirt, “Why did you message me?”

His smile was more radiant in person, “It’s just as I said. I loved your work and I wanted to be friends. However, the more I got to know you… the more I wanted to meet you in person. I knew that would be problematic.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” I scoffed looking down to my hands.

He inhaled a deep breath, “You connect with Dean Winchester the same way I do. To find someone like that is a once in a lifetime chance. I want someone who I can gush over Dean with because soon I won’t be hanging out with him as much and he’s the best imaginary friend I’ve ever had.”

Seeing Jensen open himself up to me was creating a battle of mind and body within me. He was just as nervous as I was to open up to someone else. Suddenly, I did not feel so alone in my isolation. My hand trembled as I reached over placing it atop of his.

“Dean Winchester saved my life and I don’t mean that figuratively. I was on the verge of leaping into darkness when I found him getting Sammy to find their dad. I found the strength to carry on because I knew that was what Dean would do. I found that being broken wasn’t a bad thing but something that could drive you to keep working. Dean helped me to feel again when I had become numb to the world around me.”

His eyes shined as I spoke trying to hold back his own tears, “I’m glad he could be there for you when you needed him the most.”

“Then you came into my life when I least expected it.” I whispered as I squeezed his hand.

My mind was screaming at me to get as far away from him as I possibly could. To call out to Sami to make him leave and move out of the state disappearing from the world. However, my body was urging me to jump into his arms. To open myself up to him as he had done with me. I felt like a spring coil ready to snap. My mind was holding my body back waiting for my consciousness to make a decision.

And she did.

I launched myself into his arms startling him as we crashed to the floor. His arms instinctively wrapped around me as mine encircled his neck. The door flew open as Sami came rushing in as Jensen’s laughter filled the room. I hugged him tighter to me as he tightened his grip around me.

“Oh my god… (Y/N), you’re hugging him.”

I did not need to open my eyes to know tears were slipping down my best friend’s cheeks. Her voice was thick with utter joy and amazement.

“Does this hug mean that you don’t hate me?” His question caught me off guard.

Jensen’s hands kept me in place as he sat up swinging my legs across his. My arms are still around his neck not wanting to lose the connection. Now that my body was against his, it flooded with the strange feeling of desire. Sami joined them on the floor sitting cross legged in front of them.

“I don’t think I could ever hate you. Though I’m still upset you lied to me.” I rested my head on my arm and against the side of his neck.

Feeling him sigh and seeing Sami grinning, I knew this was a big moment for all of us. We sat on the floor for another hour talking before Jensen had to go back to his room to get ready for the day. Neither of us wanted to let go of the other. He hugged me one last time before walking out of the suite. When I turned around I was immediately engulfed into another hug.

“I’m so proud of you!” Sami squealed.

“Thanks, I think…” My sentence drifted and she pulled away from me.

I walked back toward the bed and flopped face first onto it. I felt her crawl up on the bed beside me knowing me well enough to give me space.

“Talk it out, (Y/N). What are you feeling?”

My cheeks burned from the first feeling to pop into my head, “I feel warm, anxious, happy...” I paused gathering the courage to say the last word, “desire.”

“I’m sorry, what was that last one?” Sami eagerly asked.

I sat up, “Desire.” Saying the very word felt weird.

She began to clap and raised her hands in the air, “Praise the lord!”

“Don’t get all weird about it. I don’t know what any of this means. My body is tingling…”

Sami interrupted, “I bet it does…”

“Shut up, mostly not in that way. I don’t know how to act around other people anymore. What is too much touching? What is too little? What does a hug mean? I have too many questions and all the answers just walked out the door.”

I looked over as my phone chimed seeing a message from Ross, “I guess I need to change that now.” I murmured as I pulled up his message.

“First, thank you for trusting me with a hug. It means the world to me. I wanted to know if you wanted to have an early lunch with me? We could eat in my room or restaurant or your room with Sami. Whatever you are most comfortable with. Let me know.”

I held my phone up for Sami to read and she jumped off the bed, “You can have our room. I will go entertain myself by the pool.”

I texted him back that he could come to my room as Sami began tossing clothes out on the bed, “What are you doing?”

“Finding you the perfect outfit. Now go shower so I can play dress up with you.” She clapped her hands excitedly as I groaned loudly.

Looking in the mirror again, I pulled at the shirt clingy to every soft, round surface of my waist. I pushed my stomach watching as it bounced back into place like jello. Turning to the side, I sucked as many rolls as I could inward, holding my breath. The air rushed from my lips as a knock came from the door. Making my way towards it, I grabbed my zip-up hoodie slipping my arms in it quickly.

“Hi.” The word came out more breathlessly than I wanted.

My inner voice whispering, “Yeah fatty, let him know that walking across the room makes you lose your breath.”

“Hey there, I hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and grabbed lunch for us.” Jensen held up a paper bag from a local sandwich spot.

As he walked in, I took a moment to truly admire him. He looked like a male model in his tight dark jeans, black boots, dark olive Henley and sunglasses resting on top of his unruly, sandy brown hair. His smooth voice caught my attention.

“You could take a picture and it would last longer.” He chuckled sitting down on the couch and laying out their lunch.

I sat on the opposite side of him as far away as I could. Even though my body desperately wanted to be closer to him, I kept my distance not pushing my mental capacity. He glanced over a hint of disappointment in his eyes seeing me so far away.

Jensen slid a sandwich towards me, “I remember you telling me that you love ham and swiss with tomato.”

“Thank you.” I unwrapped the sandwich and grabbed a bag of chips.

We ate in silence as a strange tension built between us. My stomach churning to the point I could no longer eat. I would look over to him out of the corner of my eye to find his eyes drifting over me. I wrapped my hoodie around me instinctively trying to hide the imperfections.

“There’s no hoodie big enough to hide your ugliness.” The familiar voice whispered.

I shook my head when I heard music playing, looking back to Jensen. He smiled sheepishly as he set his phone on the table.

“I thought maybe some background noise would help,” He stood up clearing the food from the table then stood in front of me with his hand out, “Trust me?”

His eyes were shining from the afternoon rays of sun coming from the window and his lips were spread in a gentle smile. I exhaled slowly allowing all the tension to leave my body and placed my hand in his. He pulled me up from the couch taking my hands and placing them behind his neck. His large hands slid down my sides to my hips and I flinched.

“You do know that you’re beautiful, right?” He whispered swaying my body with the music.

I shook my head, “I’m really not. Ordinary at best.”

Jensen lifted my chin, piercing (Y/C/E) meeting , “You are far from ordinary, (Y/N).”

“You’re just being kind.” I looked away as he slowly turned us in a circle.

The music continued but Jensen stopped moving, “I have so many questions but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or have you running to the hills.”

“Questions for me? Surely, you have better things to do with your time other than sitting inside with me. Don’t you have fans to entertain?” I smirked.

He chuckled, “Lucky for you, I happen to have the day off. I normally spend the day with my family. However this year they all ditched me.”

I mockingly acted shocked, “Oh no! You poor thing.”

His eyes narrowed in on me before laughing, “My mom and dad are somewhere in Spain enjoying their anniversary gift. My sister decided a girls trip with her best friends was better than hanging with me for the day. My brother is always busy with his family. You’re stuck with me.”

“I guess there’s worse ways to spend my day. Okay, ask away but I’m not promising I’ll answer them all.”

Jensen led me back to the couch, but kept ahold of my hand as we sat back down. He laced his long fingers with mine. His thumb brushing over my knuckle. I settled back against the couch once again wrapping my hoodie around me.

“What were you thinking when I put my hands on your hips earlier?”

I bit my lower lip, “I was mortified that you were touching my squish rolls of skin. I was thinking you must be disgusted by it.”

“Wow…” He squeezed my hand, “Whoever he was he really did a number on you. If I ask his name and address would you be against me and Jared beating the crap out of him?”

A genuine burst of laughter echoed in the room, “He’s really not worth it. Plus, he is much happier with his life now and that’s all that matters. He deserves to be happy.”

I was surprised to see Jensen face scrunched up in anger, “But you don’t?” He leaned in slightly, his features softening.

“No, I don’t.” The words came out without even a second thought and seeing Jensen recoil from them as if they had slapped him in the face twisted my heart.

His tongue darted out over his lips and the electrical energy between us sparked wildly, “You’re wrong. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Any man who told you otherwise is no man at all.”

He was leaning in closer, his eyes never leaving mine. My heart pounding in my ears and my body urging me to meet him in the middle. His forehead pressed against mine and his nose caressed mine.

“I’m going to kiss you.” he whispered.

“I don’t think I remember how to kiss back.” The pathetic confession was followed by a wayward tear slipping down my cheek.

His soft, full lips pressed gently against mine. My mind searched for the file within the long abandoned cabinets for how to kiss someone. He pulled away for a split second only to return his lips to mine. I found my lips pushing against his out of basic instinct. Our lips melded together for a moment before I felt him smile against mine.

His hands cupping my face, “I think it will all come back to you easier than you may think.”

I took in a deep breath letting it out in a short burst, “I think you believe in me too much for only meeting me a few hours ago.”

Jensen was still holding my face as he leaned back, “Other than Jared and Mish, I have never felt closer to anyone, but you.”

“You have your work cut out for you then,” I pointed to my head, “because it’s a nightmarish mess up in here.”

He leaned in kissing me once again, “You are worth every second of being with you because you’re stunning, smart, talented, caring and most of all you’re beautiful inside and out.”

I stared up at him speechless as my inner guard laid down her shield, “I like this one.”

“No… no one has ever said that about me. I-I don’t know what to say or how to react.” I stammered, unable to comprehend what he said.

He smiled widely, “Get used to that feeling because I’m preparing for you to feel that way a lot. Now, I don’t want to test your boundaries too much so I think we should hang out here and watch a movie.”

Jensen moved to the end of the couch resting his arm along the back of it and propping his feet on the table. For the first time in forever, there were no inner voices to keep me from doing what I desperately wanted. I moved over next to him resting my back into his side and stretching my legs out to the other end of the couch. His arm draped over the front of my chest and his fingertips brushed against my side.

This time there was no flinching and I smiled at the small victory.

The rest of the weekend was like a dream. Seeing the convention backstage, meeting all the rest of the other actors on the show and most of all Jensen’s constant touch comforted me throughout it all. Sami beaming with pride as I pushed myself to be in the crowd for the concert on Saturday. When Sunday came, I found myself riddled with sadness knowing I would have to leave this magical weekend behind.

Sami had decided to go back to the hotel while I waited for Jensen to finish his autographs. I had noticed Clif, the boys’ friend and bodyguard, staying close by me. When the last fan left the autograph room, he motioned for me to follow him. Entering the room, I found Jensen with his head down on his table while Jared and Misha were fooling around at theirs.

Walking up, I slid my hands over his shoulders and began rubbing the knots out of them. A small groan escaping his lips sent a wave of desire over my body. I moved my hands down his back eagerly wanting to hear him again.

“Hey, if you’re giving free massages away I’ll take one!” Jared called out.

Jensen’s head snapped up, “Don’t even think about it Padalecki. Her hands are too precious for your sweaty self.”

I chuckled as he stood up letting my hands drift down his back. I knew he was fit but his body was firm and lean in all the right spots. As he moved away I found my fingers stretching out to touch him again. All weekend I had found myself craving his touch. My mind was obsessively thinking about his hand in mine or my arms around his waist or his hands gripping my hips. My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I heard him chuckle.

“You okay? You kind of spaced out for a moment.”

I nodded smiling, “I’m great. Just thinking was all.”

“Well come on, you and I can grab something to eat then hang out in my room.” His arm slipped around my shoulders and instantly I relaxed into his embrace.

Dinner was unexpectedly crashed by Jared and Misha tagging along. We found a twenty-four hours diner near the hotel that was nearly empty and we all spent a few hours talking, laughing. I could not help the sadness creeping over me as the minutes passed by. Minutes I was losing to have Jensen to myself. As if he read my mind he excused us to head back to the hotel.

We walked in silence, hand in hand. Stepping into the elevator, he pulled me into his side and I wrapped my arms around his waist. His room was on the opposite end of the same hall as mine. Stepping inside, the door clicking shut as we stood across from one another. It was like a shotgun going off as Jensen closed the distance between us. His hands sliding down my body as his mouth crashed to mine.

As suddenly as it happened, it was over.

“I’m sorry… shit. (Y/N) I’m really sorry.” His pleads confused me for a moment.

Breathing heavily as he stepped back further from me I blurted out, “W-Why are you apologizing? D-Did I do something wrong?”

His dark forest eyes snapped up, “You do something… you didn’t do anything but be you, (Y/N). I just couldn’t stop myself. This weekend has been the best one in my life. Being around you, holding your hand, kissing you has rejuvenated me. I just want more of you, all of you. Simple looks you give, the way you hold yourself and the moment you open yourself up to reach out to me. I just found myself unable to hold back anymore. I know…”

This time it was me who closed the distance between us. My lips crashing into his. My hands running up his broad chest and into his soft hair. The soft moan escaping my lips as we parted.

“I want you to have me…” I whispered in between breaths, “I’m nervous with a bunch of what ifs running in my head.”

“Do you trust me?” The corner of his lip curling upward.

“Yes.”

Jensen took my hand leading me into the bedroom of his suite. He gently picked me up and sat me on the bed. He knelt in front of me, slipping my shoes from my feet then pulling my socks off. His thumbs pressing into the bottom of my feet as I began to giggle.

“Oh… now that is an amazing sound. I must hear that again.” He smirked, tickling my feet.

I fell back in a fit of giggles as Jensen’s laughter joined mine. I leaned up on my elbows looking down at Jensen resting his chin on my knee. He lifted his brows asking permission and I nodded. His hands drifted over my calves, up to my knees and over my thighs.

“You have incredible legs. I found myself staring at them as you would walk in front of me with Sami. Wondering how they would feel beneath my hands.” He gently squeezed them near my hips.

His knee pressed into the mattress between my legs as his firm body hovered over mine. My fingers brushed against the hem of his shirt pushing it up and hesitantly touching his stomach. Jensen sucked in a quick breath as his hands paused on his hips. I focused on the feeling of his smooth, warm skin beneath my fingertips. His flat stomach is surprisingly soft.  

I grasped the end of his shirt pulling it towards his head as he pulled back allowing it over his head. Taking it from my hands, he tossed it on the floor. I took in every inch of his skin from his muscles flexing to the freckles decorating it.

“You beautiful, you know that?” I did not think he heard me until I saw the smug smirk on his face.

He leaned down kissing me, “Stealing my lines, sweetheart.”

His hands went back to my hips as his lips left a trail of kisses down my neck, “You think that your softness is revolting, but I find it inviting.”

I froze as his hand pushed up into my shirt touching my stomach. I squirmed as he pushed my shirt up just under my bra. My hands threading through his hair as his lips pressed small kisses against my stomach.

“Jensen…” The tension in my tone caught his attention.

His eyes filled with worry, “Too much?”

I took a few deep breaths and shook my head, “I’m fine, promise.”

“See there you go, being brave and pushing yourself. You have no idea how sexy that is.” He murmured against my skin.

As Jensen’s mouth neared the waistband of my jeans, I tugged his hair motioning for him to come back up to her. He smiled randomly kissing spots along my body. His lips finally met mine as I slid my arms around him. His tongue swiped across my bottom lip as they parted for him. His gentleness and care to make me comfortable broke down the last existing wall of defense.

Their kiss deepened. My body burned with a need to feel Jensen’s skin against mine and to be close to him in every way physically possible. Foreign pressure began to simmer deep within me and I lifted my hips pressing them against his thigh.

He pulled away his eyes blown with passion searching mine for an answer to a silent question.

“Please… take away everything he did. I want to feel whole again.” I pleaded just above a whisper.

His lips were on mine again as he gently lifted me up further onto his bed. Sitting up, I pulled my shirt over my head holding it in front of me for a brief moment. His eyes watching my every move as I tossed it over the side. He reached behind me with one hand unclasping my bra in one swift movement.

I kissed his collarbone as he leaned in to do so, “Show off.”

He chuckled before leaning back and allowing me at my pace to unveiling my bare chest to him. I slid the straps down my arms holding it in place before playfully tossing it at him chuckling. Joking had always been my way of dealing with uncomfortable moments. When I looked up his eyes were drifting down my bare upper body.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He smirked as I rolled my eyes at him, “Seriously, (Y/N)... you’re absolutely stunning.”

He ran his hand down my chest, between my breasts and down to my jeans. He undid the button and slowly drew down the zipper. Hooking his fingers with a belt loops dragging my jeans down my legs. I shivered as the cool air hit my skin. Jensen tossed them off to the side then began to place gentle, open mouth kisses up my leg.

My breaths were coming out in small little puffs the further up my leg he got. His mouth hovered over her cotton cover mound inching closer to it. My teeth dug into my lip desperately wanting him to press them against me. Instead he kept his path up my body stopping at my breasts. He cupped the side of one running his thumb over my nipple.

A long sigh escaping my lips from just the slightest touch from him, “O-Oh… Jensen…” His mouth had gently suckled my other nipple, the pressure turning to an ache between my legs.

“You have no idea hearing my name from your lips does to me.” He softly said before circling my nipple with his tongue.

Feeling bold, I slid my hand down between us running it along the hard bulge being restrained by denim. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath dropping his head between my breasts, “Shit…”

“I believe I have some kind of an idea.” I smiled as he grinded himself against my palm.

He stood up at the edge of the bed, his intense stare making me tremble with anticipation. Leaning forward, his fingers hooked the sides of her cotton panties and pulled them down until they were on the floor.

“Exquisite, flawless, perfect.”

“As are you.” I sat up until I was sitting on the edge in front of him.

My hands trembled as I unbuttoned his jeans and carefully unzipped them. Jensen let out a soft hiss as I brushed against his length. His hands cupped my face pulling my lips to his urgently kissing me. I pushed his jeans and boxers down as far as I could before he pushed me back onto the mattress. His hand drifting down my body until his fingers pressed against my folds.

“Jensen, please…” I begged needing to feel any kind of relief from the pressure pulsating from between my legs, “Ohhh… god.”

Jensen began to rub lazy circles against my clit. My hips grinding against his hand as his lips pressed just below my ear, “Are you okay?”

His question sober me from the drunken stupor of desire and I placed my hand over his pushing down further, “More than okay.”

Jensen pushed one long finger deep inside me with a hiss, “Fuck pretty girl, your so tight.” He slowly pushed a second finger inside.

My head pressed against the mattress, my back arching as he pumped his thick fingers in me, “More, oh please Jensen, I need more.”

His pace picked up and I looked up to his face. His eyes wide and dark watching me come undone as his thumb rubbed harshly against my throbbing clit, “Jensen!” I cried out overwhelming pleasure wrecked through my body.

Breathing heavily, my body shaking slightly as he pulled his fingers from me, “Now that was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

A slow grin spread across my face as I pulled his mouth to mine. He positioned himself between my legs pulling away slightly, his lips grazing against mine.  

“Are you sure? We can stop if you want.” Jensen’s tone was tense as I felt his length resting against my folds.

I kissed him, “I need you. All of you.”

He braced himself up with one arm as his hand slipped between us. Jensen ran the swollen head along my slickness before nudging it against my entrance. The room filled with groans and heavy breaths as Jensen slowly sheathed himself within me. There was a singe of pain as I stretched taking him his thick length but quickly was replaced with immense pleasure as he thrusted gently into me.

“So. Tight.” He panted against my cheek.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him digging my heels into him. Each stroke pushing me further to the edge. Feeling every muscle straining along his back and arms. His head buried in the crook of my neck grunting almost painfully. I knew then he was holding back.

I pressed my lips to his ear, “Jensen, I won’t break. You’re making me feel incredible, but I want you to let go. Show me how I make you feel.”

A low growl rumbled from his chest as he nipped at my neck and his hips snapped against me. The echoes of our skin meeting, loving praises and the headboard against the wall filled the room. I started to meet each thrust of his, the coil within me ready to snap. His hands were gripping my shoulders holding me against his burning body. I clung to him scraping my nails against his back making him growl again.

“Shit Jensen, I’m so close. Just a little more, oh god please!” I beg as he thrusted into me feverishly small grunts coming from him, “Yes, yes, oh… Jensen!”

My whole body was shaking as an intense wave of euphoria covered me. Pulsating around him, he abandoned all control chasing his own release.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He gritted his teeth as his body went rigid before slamming into me his length twitching deep within me, “Holy shit…”

Jensen rode out his release, his arms shaking to the point he could not hold himself up anymore. I groaned as he pulled out leaving me empty. He rolled onto his back breathing heavily as I curled into his side burying my head into his chest.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” His concern only made me cling to him more.

I shook my head, “No, I’m just overwhelmed. Too many feelings at once.”

“Talk it out. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Jensen wrapped his arms around me holding me close.

I took a deep breath, “I’m feeling exhilaration, bliss, pleasure. Right now, I’m feeling empty and it’s almost like I can’t breath. I feel scared by how much I need to feel your touch.”

His fingers were drawing small circles against my bare back, “If that’s your way of asking for round two, you’re going to have to wait for a little bit. I haven’t come like that since I was a teenager.”

There was a brief moment of silence before I started to laugh. My body shaking from the laughter pouring from my lips. I kissed his chest, “Thank you.”

“You never need to thank me. It’s my honor to make you laugh. Bring your pleasure. Praise you for your beautifulness. More importantly, always holding you close to me.”

I entwined my legs with his as he pulled the sheet over our naked bodies. Just when I thought he was about to fall asleep, I slipped my hand over his soft member then pressed my lips just under his chin.

“Round two?”

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

My Nerd Herd: @waywardbaby @ladywinchester1967 @akshi8278​ @ericaprice2008 @deans-baby-momma @spnbaby-67 @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @carryonmywaywardcaptain​ @-lovepeacenhope-​ @destiel745​ @carribear31​ @srsllydunnodoncare​ @whimsicalrobots​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @starstruckzonkoperatorbat​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @bella-ca​ @drakelover78​ @imascio08​ @pisces-cutie​ @dwgrl1903-blog​ @mannls​ @the-salty-asian​ @winchesterprincessbride​ @xostephanie​ @superromijn​ @witch-of-letters​ @time-travel-bouqet​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @myinconnelly1​ @sister-winchesters99​ @thekatherinewinchester​ @maddiepants​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @sandlee44​ @destielhoneybee​ @jerkbitchidjitassbutt​ @thefaithfulwriter​ @stoneyggirl​ @supernaturalginger​ @emoryhemsworth​ @wednesdayismyfunday​ @team-free-will-you-idjiot​ @atc74​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @casseythebee​

#jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfic #jensen ackles x plus size!reader #jensen ackles #angst #fluff #smut

[tweepunkgrl]

lol when i decided to write “love is the drug,” i was building my 70s playlist on spotify

it takes place in 1977 because I really needed to have “If I Can’t Have You” by Yvonne Elliman in the playlist, and Saturday Night Fever came out that year (it was gonna take place in 1976)

a song that i think really sums up the story is “Ever Fallen In Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve)” by The Buzzcocks, but the song came out in 1978

I had no idea how jayrae was gonna come together until I was in a spinning class at the gym with my sister and the trainer decided to play “Hold On, We’re Going Home” by Drake (thanks drake!) and then i pieced out the first chapter on my drive home

I was originally gonna name the fic after “Jeepster” by T Rex

Raven leaving Jason early in the morning and desperately needing coffee was inspired by real life events (I snuck out this man’s house and walked to the nearest starbucks cuz I was in town for the weekend and my friend who I was staying with was still asleep and also got laid that night. that was a wild night)

here’s a screenshot of my texts from that day if u wanna laugh

also submitted the first chapter (excluding the sex scene) for my grad school application, along with my photography portfolio and articles i wrote for newspapers. i got in and i’m studying media studies if ur curious

#jayrae #jason x raven #raex #xrae #fic: love is the drug

[moviegroovies]

so to me, one of the hallmarks of a good piece of media is people willingly thinking about the characters after it’s over.

obviously, this isn’t like, a 100% success rate kind of thing. there are objectively good, enjoyable pieces of media out there that have no “fandom” type presence on the internet, because, while it exhibited great worldbuilding/storytelling/framing/what have you, it just wasn’t made up of the kinds of characters that people latch on to; the joke about avatar (2009) having less than 100 fics on ao3 despite being the best selling movie of all time for a solid decade is well known because of this phenomenon exactly. amazing cgi, solid plot, but at the end of the day, not that many people cared about jake sully. even still, i think this character-imprinting thing has an important, often overlooked role in intrinsically endearing people to movies that, outside of this factor, might be easily forgettable or even outright disliked. 

case in point: my movie of the day/week/month (how often do i post on this blog, anyway?)....

that’s right, lads, today i’m going to talk about the lost boys. 

if you’ve seen the lost boys, you’ll probably know that it’s not like, objectively, a masterpiece. in fact, if i were feeling particularly uncharitable, it would be easy for me to describe it as a fairly straightforward, low-budget horror b-movie, with a aesop-heavy and simplistic plot and a penchant for cheesy special effects, saved only by its rockin’ soundtrack.

...but i won’t.

i won’t, because using that description would leave out a detail i think it’s completely unfair of me not to touch on: the characters. i love them!! i was hooked from just about the very start of the movie by david’s creepy, affably evil leadership style, sam’s dorky little brother-ness, and michael’s 3cool5school airs. each of the characters, down to the frog brothers (named edgar and allan after the esteemed mr. poe, which really tickled me), the other lost boys, grandpa, lucy, and max, have their own distinct quirkiness that makes them memorable and draws me to want to explore more of their world, more of their stories. 

not enough to watch the infamous direct-to-dvd sequels, of course, but you get what i’m saying. 

there’s an old tip in writing that says something along the lines of “good characters can save a bad plot, but a good plot can’t save bad characters,” and that pretty much sums up my thoughts exactly on this movie. like, the plot itself is pretty much the message ‘peer pressure is bad’ wrapped up in some ugly monster makeup; not exactly cult classic material. however, like i’ve said, the characters and the fact that we get genuine, endearing interactions between them outside of just furthering the plot save it from the dumpster fire and, together, put together a story greater than the sum of its parts. no, it’s not a fuckin’ cinematic masterpiece by any stretch of the words, but it’s a fun movie, and there’s a reason i’ve watched it four times in the past three days, you know? 

(a good chunk of that reason was me slowly losing my grip on my sanity as i frantically put in the dvd over and over again, desperately trying to make myself attracted to kiefer sutherland so i could enjoy the movie to the fullest extent of my ability. i’m proud to announce a perfect success rate, and a slightly degraded sense of taste in men, reflecting the completion of that goal. 

if you too want to find something to lust after beyond his objectively ugly as sin face, trust me when i say it’s all in the voice. mmmmm) 

my favorite thing that the lost boys did was the exploration of different types of friendship and familial bonds. that’s the most striking thing about the movie for me; not only are the characters individuals whom i would like to explore, their interactions with each other are touching and worth exploring in their own right. there’s definitely something about some stories that drives people to write fanfiction (or is that just me? ha ha), and imo, the lost boys totally has it. in fact, while the fandom is sitting pretty at 600+ fics on ao3 (take that, avatar), i was honestly sort of surprised there weren’t more, exploring all the interesting ‘what if’s’ the film presented, and expounding on the bonds that we got to see the effects of in the limited screentime we had. 

what i liked about those bonds was that there were such a multitude of them. there were quite a few platonic bonds making up the crux of the movie (being, in my opinion, much more interesting than the main romantic bond which was explored through star and michael, although isn’t that kind of always the case in these 80′s teen movies? i can’t think of a single designated couple i was actually invested in except for veronica sawyer and jason dean... ferris bueller and sloane peterson, maybe? but i also feel like those two were making a cameron sandwich, so idk if it counts lol), but the way they were treated was cool in that they were unique: we got to see two different kinds of sibling bonds, with michael and sam emerson joking around in an easy, teasing way that totally screamed “wow, this movie was written by someone who actually has a brother” to me (isn’t it sad that some people have clearly never so much as seen a set of siblings in their life, judging by the way they write them?) while edgar and allan frog seem to take themselves more seriously, like a pair of army buddies, we got to see the pack-like bond of the lost boys and the (mostly) good-natured way they hazed michael into their group before things went to shit with them, we got to see star (and some of the lost boys, if you pay attention) being protective and maternal around laddie, and we got to see the uneasy alliance turned nerdy friendship between the frogs and sam. there are also three parent-child bonds that get explored, between lucy and her father (it’s a pretty sweet take on the kindhearted grown child taking care of senile-ish father thing) and lucy and her boys, each of which she has a distinct relationship with: sam is the baby, while michael she seems to level with and trust more, even after he starts getting into trouble and acting up. 

then of course there are two (three, if you count the widow johnson/grandpa emerson subplot, which.... i totally do) romantic relationships: star and michael falling in a sort of love-at-first-sight passionate relationship that soon dooms mikey and eventually saves star, while lucy tries her best to get back into the dating game with max, who is nefarious, of course, but also a little bit sad. remember what i said about what-ifs? i would love to see a fic exploring what might have happened had max’s plan worked out after all, but i guess that’s neither here nor there.

not to be a blatant slash shipper jumping on any two male characters who move or anything, but i think possibly the most important/influential relationship in the whole thing was that between david and michael; michael, obviously, got drawn into the lost boys’ circle by his insta-attraction to star, but he sticks around because of david. he pretty much ignores star once they get to the cliff that night, his attention focused on david because he’s there, and he’s intense, and michael is kind of a dumb bi bitch totally captivated. he drinks max’s blood at david’s taunting, and in direct opposition to star’s advice. there’s a lot i could say on this subject but tbh i’m running out of steam, so that might be a thing for a whole different post.

basically, there are a lot of cool interactions in this movie, and i think a lot of film makers could take note of that. even critically acclaimed, award winning movies being made in today’s world tend to fail to hit that special note, that character-imprintation which makes the audience not only stay engaged to the end, but also to care. not every movie needs that, of course; not everything can launch a darkhorse fandom the way the lost boys has, and honestly, not everything should... unless it’s trying to cater to my interests, in which case, well. 

if all movies were made to cater to my interests, i would have the time of my fucking life, but it’d probably be dark days for the rest of y’all.

thinking about it now, the lack of that element is kind of what makes me wary of the horror genre in the first place; i find so many of those movies just boring as all hell, because they’re too into the “scaring” thing without any of the “caring” thing. people, if we don’t care about the characters we’re watching, then who the fuck gives a shit if they get devoured by shitsucking vampires, anyway? finding the lost boys, a “horror” (i guess i use the term loosely) movie which relied heavily on those character interactions was honestly a godsend, because THIS is what i want to see more of. going down that line of thought, i think it’s honestly a shame and a half that the sequels which joel schumacher planned never got to see the light of day (and, of course, that we were instead left with the tribe, which for the life of me i refuse to fucking watch). the interactions between the lost boys could have been the most interesting part of the movie, if only they had been spotlighted a bit more. that would have been the case in the proposed prequel, the beginning, which would see the boys start out before they became vampires at all. reading about the script for that is honestly sending me, tbh. we could have seen that, and what we got instead were “sequels” that focused mainly on the frogs, when they connected to the original movie at all? where’s the fucking justice?

whatever. that’s the one thing about this franchise i never could stomach; all the damn frog brothers.

(till next time!)

#the lost boys #text post #i liked the frog brothers in the movie don't get me wrong it's just like #yknow how the real gh*stbusters cartoon was highkey ruined by the increasing prevalence of slimer as the show's run kept going #that's what the frog brothers are imo.

[the-cryptographer]

For the yugioh ask meme - 9, 13, 18, 23, 31!

Thank you!! 9 and 13 got answered already. In my ‘ask’ tag if you’re interested  x’)

18. A random headcanon

Ah, I have so many at this point,lol. A lot of them really kind of spring up in the process of writing fic, andwhat I think makes sense and carries weight for that story so *shrugs*

There are some things I more or lessaccept as permanent facets of the characters, hmm:

Things about how Jounouchi’sgang life with Hirutani went, and how it ended. And how Jounouchi feels aboutthat, and how Honda helped and encouraged him in this huge way that Jounouchi couldn’t even acknowledge at the time and still struggles with acknowledging during canon. Experimental sexual encounter with Honda inmiddle school is also one of a few things about Jounouchi’s sexual history that’skind of permanently burned into my brain at this point as something that definitely happened.

Things about how Seto’s relationshipwith Gouzaburou went. I guess you could say I’ve crafted headcanons about how andfor what purpose Gouzaburou intended to mold Seto, and how and where heundermined his own motivations, but still ultimately succeeded. heh, I keepimagining Gouzaburou sitting on a recliner in hell, watching Seto build andopen Death-T and just shaking his head with such disdain. “What is all this? A death theme park? How is this going to monetiseproperly? How is this going to sustain Kaiba Corp? Seto. Seto. Papa taught youbetter than this~”And Seto’s just like, “fuckyou, I can build a death theme park and wear belts on my arms and piss awayyour whole estate and die penniless in a ditch if I want to – you can’t stopme.”Caught between a rock and a hard place, Seto. If you succeed at lifeand work you’ll only be doing what your abuser wants, but if you fail you’llonly be miserable. It’s your choice, with only your life on the line here :v

And, I guess Yami Malik not beinggone from Malik’s psyche post-canon is a headcanon? going from what canon’s seemingintent is in how it presents the end of Battle City, I think we’re meant to thinkthat Yami Malik is and Malik’s hateful feelings are gone(?) But I’m not surehow seriously anyone takes that? idk, I certainly don’t take it seriously.

None of these are fun headcanons,lol. idk, it can be a headcanon that Mai comes into town and treats everyone todim sum, right? Just imagine the whole gang eating dim sum. Imagine Jounouchiand Honda and Shizuka having a chopstick battle over the last shrimp dumpling.And then continuing to fight, over the gai lan this time, even though Honda doesn’t even like it.

31. Favorite duel

Isis vs Seto. It’s just… socathartic, omg. I have so many feelings about what this duel meant for both thecharacters. I like how it really ricochets through Seto’s fears and hubris anddownfall and resurrection, against Isis’s stony and completely assuredconfidence that they are utterly powerless. And how Seto ultimately believes inthe power of something more personal and connecting than just raw strength, andhow that becomes the power to decide your own destiny. It’s just- very good.

The Atem vs Seto duel from Duellist Kingdom, and the Atem vs Mai duel are second and third runners up.

23. NOTP

Ah, I still don’t really think I have any? I have prettynarrow preferences regarding a number of ships, but there’s not really anythingI think in abstract I’m really never up for seeing some portrayal of? In termsof ships I see regularly enough on trips around tumblr and fanfic land that I’mkind of full of mixed feelings on… the rest is under the cut:

I can’t say I find myself super interested in Atem/Yuugi. I don’t reallyunderstand myself, but I’ve even kind of been randomly and viscerally squicked at times byportrayals of them kissing or preforming sex acts on one another (as opposed topreforming sex acts on someone else in each other’s general vicinity, lol).Which is really bizarre, since I’m a big fan of emblematik’s fic and own agrand total of one R18 doujin about them. So, idk, there’s nothing objectionable about it in the slightest. But I seem to heavily preferAtem and Yuugi being platonic in most cases for some reason?

I’m also not really fond of the vast majority of Ryou/YamiMalik interpretations. I’m not really that fond of Yami Malik in a completelyseparate body and as a completely separate entity that’s not at all amanifestation of Malik prime’s emotional needs (or vice versa, really). I kindof consider Malik and Yami Malik a package deal, so I’m not really especiallykeen on seeing one ship dealt with in absentia of the other. And, even if I was,I kind of think Malik and Yami Bakura are better developed characters that canbe used to cover a lot of the messy Ryou ship dynamics, well, better. But- I really, reallylike (platonic or nonplatonic) angstshipping, and I do consider (platonicor nonplatonic) Ryou/Yami Malik a facet of that. A facet that can reap reallyinteresting results. And so I want to see a lot more of Ryou and the Maliks butmaybe not in the way I see the fandom usually be about them.

And, idk, it seems like I’ve had a lot of salty af feelingsabout Isis/Mai. I don’t know. I am (1) very overly invested in Mai being reallytraumatised by Yami Malik’s behaviour towards her, (2) very overly invested inMalik being held accountable as (at the very least) complicit in Yami Malik’sbehaviour, (3) very overly invested in Mai being allowed to never forgive Malikever, and (4) very overly invested in Isis and Rishid being there to supportMalik and be on his team basically regardless of how bad he’s fucked up ateverything ever. These four points feed right into so much that I love aboutBattle City and DOMA, and somewhere in them is a pretty big conflict ofinterest that kind of prevents Isis/Mai and Mai/Rishid from not being superfucked up on some level. And, idk, I don’t really see a lot of super fucked upportrayals of them? Which is fine, I guess? I think my four points up there areperhaps overly specific readings of the text? But they all kind of lead me tohaving a kneejerk reaction against the ships bc my insect brain goes: ‘this ispressuring a woman to get over her abuse and pretend it didn’t happen’. Whichis something I’m familiar as with per my personal life, which is kind ofuncomfortable. Which makes me want desperately to read a Isis/Mai fic aboutgaslighting, and them dealing with dissimilar approaches to their own abuserecovery and erroneously expecting the other to be on the same page, and eventually beingable to understand each other and knowing their relationship needs a lot of distancein places and that’s sad but it still might be something worth holding onto? SoI guess I’m back to shipping it again, except I have to write it myself orsomething, idk.(except i also understand that everyone i unabashedly ship Maiwith is a tiny baby and that has its own potential problems – just ones ihaven’t had to live with? idk, why doesn’t ygo canon have any passionate,hot-blooded adult people i want to ship Mai with? Vivian, you are my onlysalvation.)

idk, I don’t like Mokuba/Shizuka either. except it might befine if somebody convinced me Mokuba and Shizuka could connect on a meaningfullevel that wasn’t just ‘making JouKai drama happen’. and i don’t likeHonda/Shizuka either. except i do like it, because I like Honda/Otogi/Shizukatriad. except I’ve never read any Honda/Shizuka by itself that wasn’t justuncomfortably assuming that Shizuka would get with Honda and not dealing withthe fact that Honda is an entitled lying liar who should question just what it ishe feels entitled to, and why. andwhat kind of relationship he’ll be participating in, and why. smh.

And I have a hard time seeing Atem being attracted to Anzuin canon, so I’m not big on shipping them, but it wouldn’t drive me away fromsomething either? Anzu/Atem: why not? and i used to feel sort of ‘why not?’ but not super interested inAtem/Kaiba. but then I gotangry at antishippers and then I talked to rainstormcolors too much, and now Ikind of ship it. Except I still get the feeling that most people who ship itaren’t really looking for the same dynamic in it that I’m really looking for.Which is, when I think about it, the exact same problem I have with JouKai(except slightly less bad, bc JouKai is much trashier). So I’ve done a 180degree turn here from notp problems to otp problems because for me they are thesame problems. always the same problems.

ETA: Itoccurs to me I probably could have added Seto/Shizuka to this list. Myunderstanding of Seto is that he’s someone who wouldn’t be at all compassionateabout her no-money, abuse, and disability problems. And my understanding ofShizuka is that she’s someone that would take that keenly to heart in arelationship. But, oh noes, once more I have read at least one fic for thisship that I liked. And I kind of like the idea of fucked up Season Zero Seto/Shizuka a lot too ;_;

Thank you again for the ask x)

#ask #save me from this card game hell

[vixenfur]

I hate to be a pain, but have you got a list of owari no seraph or specifically mikayuu story recommendations anywhere? I love your stories and trust that you have good taste lol :) Thanks!!

OH YES! Now it’s time for me to shamelessly advertise for my favorite fics! ;D Thank you for asking, and thank you for the compliment on my fics! /)///(\ you’re too kind!

In no particular order…

Cherry Boy by EtherealBeing

Summary: As if being dragged into a sex shop by Shinoa wasn’t bad enough, now Yuu also has to deal with the store’s uncomfortably attractive attendant.

Status: Ongoing

This is biased because Anna is one of my closest friends in the fandom, BUT SHE IS SO DAMN TALENTED. You will laugh, you will blush, you will be mindblown by the complexity in these character’s thoughts, it’s honestly a wild ride and I can’t wait to see the grand finale of it all that is coming to us soon. If you haven’t read it yet, it’s a must.

Corner of a Birdcage by oxeh

Summary: “So, to sum it up, you’re like Superman without the spandex… And without the laser eyes, X-Ray vision, and ice breath. Also, you kill vampires and Horsemen instead of dealing with—“

“Basically, I’m not like Superman at all.” 

or

Yuu is a university student that tends to live for the moment. Mika is a cynical superhero that’s more super than a hero. Fate is a bit aggressive with intertwining their lives.

Status: Ongoing

THIS FIC IS BRILLIANT. If you have not read it yet, I swear go do it! It’s funny, it’s exciting, it flows and it’s just a lovely, enjoyable read. Oxy is a sweetheart as well and she’s got some incredible ideas in that head of hers, lemme tell you! Go check it out!!! You won’t regret it :D

Diamond in the Rough by Hannaadi88, Sarah737

Summary: Mikaela had been the captain of the Seraph for over seven years, yet he’d never come across another ship carrying such riches. The prospect of boarding the Opal and stealing all she had made a rare smile play on his lips. 

If he did this well, he would finally make a name for himself. The Opal might just be what he’d always wanted- a chance to prove how fearsome he could be. 

Mikaela Shindo will be a name to revere among all pirates to sail the seven seas.

Status: Ongoing

THIS IS ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES. Hanna and Sarah are some of the most talented people I know, and together, they are unstoppable and unrelenting!! From the descriptives to the dialogue to the intriguing plot, this story makes pirates sexy, let me tell you. LOL, seriously you will not regret it… if you want a good time, I invite you to read this masterpiece right here!

Garden of Hades by 6lilystrings9

Summary: A stubborn, annoying, and repulsive human is captured by the Vampire forces, and to his dismay, Mika is assigned as his handler.

How irritating.

(The AU where human Yuu-chan and vampire Mika meet for the first time as captive and keeper)

Status: Ongoing

I remember when Lily first talked about her fic in our Skype chat room and how when I read it, I was stunned! I didn’t realize how amazing it was, how well put-together, how structured. It’s enticing and exciting and full of vivid descriptives and intense, heart-pounding scenes. Another must-read, if you ask me, and I also cannot wait to see how it ends.

Scented by Hannaadi88

Summary: In a world ruled by beta neutrality, alphas and omegas are controlled by suppressants which modify their natural inclinations. Under constant surveillance, unproductive members of society are removed in the name of efficiency. Yuichiro Hyakuya is deemed infertile by the Board and is sentenced to certain death. In an act of defiance Yuichiro steals enough suppressants to hide his scent and joins the military under the guise of a beta. 

It would be his luck to find himself under the command of his assigned mate, Mikaela Shindo.

Status: Ongoing

Hanna is not only a friend of mine, but she is sO DAMN TALENTED! I recommend all of her fics, so please check out her page while you’re at it, but she is well known for her big multi chapter fic, Scented. This story takes the concept of omegaverse and gives it almost a Mulan-like feel to it, with Yuu being in disguise and all. It’s really fantastic and another thrilling story I highly suggest!

Afire love by stirkedawn

Summary: After Nagoya’s failed mission, an unsteady truce is formed between Shinoa’s squad and Mikaela Hyakuya, making Yuu feel conflicted inside. On one hand, he’s got Mika back, his friends are alive, and they seem to be trying to be civil with each other, even if it’s just for his sake. On the other hand, Guren is being held captive by the vampires, Shinya has just given them a mission Yuu doesn’t like, and Mika… Yuu doesn’t really know what Mika is feeling.

Maybe not even Mikaela knows what he’s truly feeling, after all.

Status: Completed

You will commonly see the fandom preach that if all goes wrong, Afire love is our accepted canon. This fic immerses itself into the canon universe of Owari no Seraph and gives us an epic climax and end to the series that it probably one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever read. I also agree that if the manga plummets to total disaster, Afire love is what I will think of for a happy ending.

Somebody to Lean On by TrashPanda

Summary: Yuichiro needs a partner to help him with vampire hunting. His only option is to seek out somebody in the slave auctions. He comes upon a discounted slave, as beautiful as he is unwanted, and Yuu claims him for himself. Little did he know, this slave would change everything he ever knew about him himself, and in the process Yuu discovers he cannot live without this man, now that he has him in his life.

Status: Ongoing

This story is fantastic! It’s got an interesting plot that’s brilliantly written, a romance beautifully described and a story that interests the reader endlessly. I can picture this fic animated like it was its own anime show. It’s really, really good and I suggest it! I can’t wait for another update! I also suggest the author in general, they have some really good stuff. 

My Inner Beast by Northernreign

Summary: Yuuichirou is a young werewolf who finds himself awake one evening in a human orphanage.

To avoid being executed, he desperately tries to conceal his true identity from the “monstrous” humans who- along with the vampires, have been responsible for his kind’s slow decline into extinction. But over time, he comes to know one particular human boy who will help him learn to embrace his humanity, not resent it. Together they will overcome countless fated tragedies with the sheer power of will and love alone. Each event will bring him closer to the answer he has been seeking for almost a lifetime.

 Just who really are the true monsters in this world? 

The vampires? 

The humans?

The werewolves?

Or himself?

Status: Ongoing

A truly underrated story!! Nathalie is an incredible writer and artist and she combines those skills to bring you this lovely story that doesn’t get enough attention- ESPECIALLY since it’s her first fic. You would never guess; she writes like a pro. This story takes you all over, from the eyes of so many of our beloved characters to shape the story and relationships in the best possible way. You can really feel everything she describes and it really stimulates the senses. Check it out if you haven’t, it’s a journey and I’m eager to see where it goes.

Rise of the Dragon by Crazyloststar, Sarah737, somnicordia (hihazuki)

Summary: Water… Earth… Fire… Air… In eras bygone, four nations coexisted in harmony. However, a series of tragedies began to befall the world, And none was left unscathed. The equilibrium of power has been tilted to a great imbalance, Its people fallen to temptation. The end is fast approaching, and all souls are fated to meet oblivion. Rumors whisper of the Avatar, the master of all four elements, holding the key to mankind’s only hope of salvation. Families pray under his guiding light, Enemies vow to divide and conquer. But the glimmer of hope is sometimes found in the darkest of places, somewhere people would least expect.

Status: Ongoing

As someone who is only just now watching Avatar for the first time, I had no idea what to expect. I’m still not 100% caught up, but this is a goddamn masterpiece and I can tell that from the first 3 chapters that I’ve read. This is an amazing project put together by some of the most talented authors and writers in the fandom that are all lovely, passionate friends of mine. They deserve all the love in the world. If you haven’t read it yet- especially if you don’t know anything about Avatar- READ IT ANYWAYS. You don’t need to understand Avatar or the original series at all to enjoy this fic. It’s magnificent; please check it out!

And, a little shameless advertising for my own stories, for those who are curious ;o

Unwritten by Vixenfur

Summary: While being forcefully dragged to KFC by Lacus- a man who had a black pit of a stomach- Mika had a once-in-a-lifetime, Snapchat-worthy experience. The guy in the left lane had no shame. He was unintimidated by a stranger with a phone and he continued to sing the song Unwritten confidently. Lacus found the experience hysterical

…. Little did they know they would run into each other again hardly an hour later- Yuu was in desperate need of a haircut, according to Shinoa.

He was dropped off at Sanguinem Salon, and was a little mortified to find out that the hot guy he just sang horribly to was Mika, the one holding hair-trimming scissors behind the chair.

Status: Completed

This fic was a blast to work on and an absolute time, from start to finish. A huge thank you to all the support and love I’ve gotten for it over the months I wrote it. I treasure every comment!

Tale as Old As Time by Vixenfur, Sarah737

Summary: An arrogant young prince named Mikaela and his castle’s servants fall under the spell of a wicked enchantress, who turns him into the hideous Beast until he learns to love and be loved in return. The spirited, headstrong village boy Yuuichirou enters the Beast’s castle after he imprisons Yuuichirou’s father, Guren. With the help of his enchanted servants, Yuuichirou begins to draw the cold-hearted Mikaela out of his isolation.

Status: Completed

I’m so proud of story! Sarah is my dear cowriter and friend, I’m always honored to collaborate with her and I’m so ecstatic over the love this fic has gotten. Thank you all for the love and we hope you enjoy our future projects!

Hiiragi Cirque Ave. Freakshow by Vixenfur, BlueberryApple

Summary: Yuuichirou is a Siren who cannot sing, and so he is taken captive by the Hiiragi Cirque Ave. Freakshow. He is expected to perform and earn the show money under the instruction of ringmaster Kureto Hiiragi. Naturally, Yuuichirou is opposed to his new life, but he slowly gets to know his new family and accept his situation.

Meanwhile, the ignored Nosferatu Mikaela finds himself incredibly attracted to the new Siren, and Yuuichirou can’t help but to be curious about the ghostly vampire himself.

Status: Completed

This story was so much fun to write. Destiny and I became great friends and made many memories. The sheer amount of fanart we got was OUTSTANDING and we couldn’t be more grateful for the love. Thank you to everyone who read and enjoyed this story!

Thank you for asking! Feel free to reblog and share this list around. Everything on here is something I really enjoyed reading and think everyone should experience. As for my own fics, I shared the ones I’m most proud of (excluding my current ongoing works) and I hope you can enjoy them as well!

#mikayuu #owari no seraph #seraph of the end #fanfiction #fanfic rec

[ramblings-from-elsinore]

*slides in* Obsession numbers 9, 7, 11, 12, 2, 4, 5, and 13? Sorry that's a lot... you don't have to answer all of them if you don't want to :3

What was my inspiration for this fic? How did it come to me?

What’s my favorite part of the fic?

What’s the part of the fic I’m most proud of?

What part of the fic was the hardest for me to write?

What part of the fic am I still dissatisfied with?

Who’s my favorite character in the fic?

Were there any major decisions I made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction?

Was there anything I only learned about the fic after I had finished it? (themes, motifs, symbolism, etc)

Did anyone in the fic surprise me by doing anything? If so, what?

If I had to sum up this fic in a sentence, what would it be?

If I were to rewrite this fic, what would I change?

Did any thing about this fic’s reception surprise me?

What were my beta’s major comments about the first draft of this fic?

If I were to write a sequel to this fic, what would it be about?

Any other question about the fic!

Were there any major decisions I made about the fic that could have made it go a whole different direction?

So. Many.  Were and are still.  Honestly I am very undecided about many elements of this story and certain plot points that I have been toying with for a long time.  Some of the biggest decisions are yet to come, and I have been weighing them from the start.  But as for decisions I made in the past: one of the most important ones was probably regarding Ludwig’s confession and Gilbert’s ultimate capitulation.  I didn’t originally plan for Ludwig to have such a breakdown, and I thought Gilbert would agree more easily, without the crisis they both go through before the first time they sleep together.  Luckily, after much thought, I realized that that would not be true to character.  They both had to be pushed to their breaking points: Ludwig, to even consider confessing, and Gilbert, to possibly think that crossing that line was the best course of action.  They had to be desperate.  That decision didn’t really affect the direction of the story so much–they were going to end up getting together somehow or other–but it did affect the tone, I think, as both brothers are still so plagued with self doubt.

Now it occurs to me there’s another big decision that has had a ripple effect on this story: Francis and Toni sexually assaulting Ludwig.  At first I planned for this to be a consensual encounter, something that would expand Ludwig’s horizons and make him consider new things about himself.  But having a threesome with two other men seemed a bit of a stretch, and I realized that with drugs involved, that situation could easily become nonconsensual.  As it’s something that happens all too often on campuses, I decided it would be appropriate to include.  And, since I want to do justice to Ludwig as a survivor, I’ve ended up weaving the aftereffects of that assault into the narrative in ways that have changed it.  And, heads up; we haven’t seen the last of it yet.  If anything, Ludwig is bottling up his feelings about what happened to him, but they’ll have to come to the surface eventually.

What part of the fic am I still dissatisfied with?/If I were to rewrite this fic, what would I change?

Lol, so much.  Really though, I have grown so much as a writer (I hope) in the time I’ve been writing this story that when I look back on earlier chapters–most of Obsession, honestly–I cringe.  Mostly, that has to do with the fact that when I started, I was really thinking of it as fanfiction.  I thought I had to include all the little nods to canon, all the in-jokes and tics of characterization, as well as fanon interpretations of characters.  I used cringe-worthy fanfiction standbys such as “the blond” for Ludwig or, worse, “the albino” for Gilbert.  And I put Feliciano in there just because GerIta was so popular, I felt obliged to include it.  I sort of wish I could retcon Feli out of the story.  Sorry, Feli fans.  It’s not that I hate him so much, I just think he adds nothing to the story.  I do have a trajectory in mind for his character, though, so I’ll try to keep it consistent and make it work.

Did anything about this fic’s reception surprise me?

Yes–that I haven’t gotten any hate for it, really, unless you count one chapter being taken down from DeviantArt (back in the dark days when I still posted my writing there).  There have only been a few unwelcome comments in all this time, and those weren’t from haters so much as entitled, angry readers.  Mostly the reception has been warm and beyond my wildest hopes.  I’m surprised this fic became so popular–I don’t think it would be wrong to say it’s among the most popular fics for the pairing.  I’m so thankful for each and every kind comment I get.  The responses never fail to surprise me–it warms my heart to hear from folks who have been reading for years, sticking with me and my slow-ass updates and feeling for my boys all this long time.  So thank you, deeply and truly. :)

Did anyone in the fic surprise me by doing anything?  If so, what?

The two characters I’ve been most surprised by are probably Liz and Sebastian, the boys’ father.  I didn’t have big plans for either of them, but they’ve both turned out to be important and lots of fun to write.  The whole backstory with the Beilschmidt family history has developed over time, and I’m so glad I’ve been able to flesh it out.  It’s important for me to keep Sebastian human, even if he’s often cast in a bad light.  And as for Liz, it’s fascinating to write someone on the outside who knows about the brothers’ relationship.  I realized, once she found out, she was going to be much more important than I had thought.  I knew I didn’t want her to have a stereotypical “eww you’re so gross that’s wrong” or “omg you’re made for each other, who cares love is love” reaction–I wanted her to be human and complex, as well.  I realized she’s struggling, too–with how to support a friend she genuinely loves and shares a complicated past with, while also being very troubled by what she knows.  I think Liz has a strong moral compass, but a nuanced one as well.

Angie has also surprised me some.  In writing her, I’ve come to flesh her out more and think about her past and future–she’s become much more than “Ludwig’s heterosexual experiment” as she was originally pegged to be.  I have big plans for her that I hope I’ll get to include as the story goes forward.

None of these characters really did any one surprising thing–it’s been more of a gradual revelation with them.

What were my beta’s major comments about the first draft of this fic?

I actually don’t really have a beta.  I’ve talked things over with lilienpasse in the past, though, and have appreciated her input on a number of chapters, and she has made a wonderful sounding board when I’m trying to figure out where I’m going.  I remember some conversations where I’ve been able to use her as the guinea pig for some of my more outlandish ideas (thanks for letting me subject you to that, LP!) and she definitely reigned me in where I needed it.

I am going to have to think a bit more on my favorite part of the story and which was hardest to write.  I’ll answer later :)  Thank you for the questions, and for your patience waiting for a response!!

#Anonymous #anon #Obsession Series #ask #ask meme

[runicmagitek]

For the fanfic meme! 16, 23, 24, 28, 31, 39, 40, 41, 45, 46

Thank you so so much. This really helped me take my mind off of things

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike? Ah man, a lot. I love my ships, but in comparison to a lot of people, I'm not that hardcore of a shipper. So in turn, I tend to dislike a lot of things that aren't popular and it's a rare thing for me to like something that is popular lol. First thing that comes to mind is Celes/Locke from FFVI. That ship didn't make sense to me when I first played it at 11/12 and it makes even less sense to me as an adult. I don't care for any ships with Cloud in VII. Same with Garnet/Zidane in IX. Geez, most of the ships in Dragon Age, too. Sigh... yeah :\ I'm just a non-canon/rarepair shipper forever.23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.May Death Find You Alive  I wrote it for @lunamanar  for her birthday and I dunno. I tried so damn hard to polish it super shiny, because I know she's so good at nitpicking the smallest things (which I love when she does that) and didn't want her to do that for a birthday gift. I'm just really proud of how it came out and contains a lot of elements I enjoy reading, so yeah. Lotsa feels for this one.24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit? I'm the Darkness, You're the Starlight  I went on hiatus because of cosplay shit, then I got stupid busy with work, on and off sick, then in general got stuck on a chapter I loathe and really need to rewrite from the ground up (I've already rewritten it 2-3 times). Everything else is done, but man, this one chapter... it kills me.28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?:O I mean, anything and I'd be happy. I think what I'd love the most is the scene with Celes and Setzer at night on the Falcon under the northern lights from Darkness/Starlight. That's one of my favorite scenes in the whole story and I can see it so vividly in my head and I think I'd cry happily forever if someone decided to do fanart for that particular scene. 31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing? I'm really grateful that I've had numerous people say quite a few nice things to me about my writing, ranging from burning through my work to alleviate boredom to feeling less alone in topics/themes I explored to shamelessly reading smut in the presence of family and not caring.39. What is you greatest strength as a writer?I feel my characterization is my strongest. I have a lot of experience in acting and general theatre stuff, so one thing I always tried to tackle before memorizing lines was get a genuine feel for the character I was trying to portray. That's carried over into my creative writing. 40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing? Being concise. I know I can crank out words forever and easily ramble on and on about pointless shit. It's when I go into editing mode that I really take an axe to a lot of my writing to have it get to the point. But regardless, whenever I write, it's just... endless stuff. I wish I could stop that so it would be less editing.41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading.Oh man, I'm not reading a lot at the moment because I'm so damn busy, but here are the top 5 I'm the most damn excited about getting time to finally read:Everything and Nothing by @dvske  Amid the Wreckage by Revans_MaskI Will Call You Home: A Recounting of the Fifth Blight by AthenaTsetaheart in a headlock by andromeda3116 EVERYTHING EVER WRITTEN BY @pocketseizure I’m so behind and just want to binge all of the fics

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic? I love so many fics for so many different reasons. It's so difficult to just pick one and call it a day. I remember when I was younger, there was this Beatrix/Garnet post-canon story that went over the development of their relationship and that was my favorite back then. God, I wish I knew the name of it :( it was one of those fics that made me start shipping them and was just comfort food for lil queer me. As an adult, the one I keep thinking of is The Modern History of Zelda by rynling/pocketseizure. Everything about that fic excited me and in turn, makes me want to be a better writer. The worldbuilding is astounding, the magic is whimsical and gorgeous, the dialogue is witty, the build up in the relationship is amazing, and it's overall just damn solid. It warmed my heart and made me feel like a kid being told a magical bedtime story. I love it so much.46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?Hmmmm... maybe And I Will Follow You into the Dark  Even if you're not familiar with Transistor, it's a lot of genuine themes people deal with, myself included. I really wrote from my heart with this one (I mean, I try to with all of them, but some of them are harder hitting than others) so if someone was to read just one, this really sums up a lot of stuff in regards to what I write.

#my writing #meme thing #summonerluna

[bazzledazzled]

Another “Bonding Moment”

Okay so Voltron s2 has been giving me a lot of feels and I decided to make it worse by writing some Klance fanfiction.

So here’s a thingy ma boober with the glimmer of Lance we saw in s2 where he was doubting how vital he was to the team in sum Klance fic :D

Hope y’all enjoy (and that this doesn’t suck and I finally can start writing more)

No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. Nothing should’ve brought them here, but here they where, their broken team of seven reduced to five.

It was a mission. A mission to see what the Galra knew about Shiro. There where rumors that they kidnapped him and rumors that they sifted through all the planets in the galaxy, but no matter the reason, word had got out that the Galra could have at least a vague idea where their leader would be, and that was a chance they had to take.

The plan was simple. Pidge would fly in on the green lion with Keith, Allura, and Lance aboard the ship. Hunk and Coran where to distract the guards by blowing things up and attacking the ship.

They’d then split up, Lance with Allura and Keith with Pidge. Keith was supposed to help Pidge get through locked doors that could only be operated by Galra soldiers so they could access the main database while Allura and Lance would check the cells for any familiar faces. All of them where worried if the Galra made it to their families yet.

The plan was simple. In and out. If things where to go wrong, Allura and Lance where in charge of leading Galra soldiers away from Pidge and Keith so they could get the last bits of information.

Allura shouldn’t have even been on the ship, really. Hunk could’ve easily taken her place, but she insisted. She said that the yellow lion would serve as a better distraction, considering it’s thick armour could take a bigger punch than any of the other lions. Still, they where hesitant to let her join them. But she insisted, saying that she could be useful if they ran into Haggar, since her magic couldn’t hurt her like it did with the others.

Unwillingly, they let her join them, knowing nothing could stop them. Lance was the one that was supposed to make sure she was safe. He was the one that was supposed to stop this from happening. And he failed.

Flashes of it still circled through his memory even after they came back to the ship, Coran looking for Allura worriedly. Nobody said anything. Pidge went to install the new information into her laptop so she could run a database to translate it, Keith went into his room to do who knows what, and Lance collapsed onto the couch taking off his helmet and rubbing his head as if he could wipe away the memories.

“Lance, go.”

“Allura no. We can’t leave you.”

“I’ll be fine. You’re teammates need you.”

“Lance what happened?” Coran says now. Hunk looks expectantly. Lance takes a deep breath.

“There where too many of them. Allura--” he doesn’t know if he can finish. Keith walks into the room, bandaging his arm.

“Somehow they figured out where we where and had an army of Galra soldiers waiting for us. We tried to fight them, but we just barely got the information we needed. They captured Allura. We tried to help, but she insisted we go. Then they just.... disappeared.”

“What?!” Coran says, his voice slowly rising. “I thought I told you to make sure the princess made it out.”

“I know. We tried. She wouldn’t let us help,” Lance says, his voice sounding hollow in his ears. He should’ve ignored her. He should’ve shot the soldiers. But all he did was stand by and watch in shock as they pinned her hands behind her back, pinning her to the ground. And then, between one blink and the next, she was gone, all because he didn’t do anything to help. He was useless.

Lance didn’t stay to hear what Coran had to say about that. He didn’t need any more reminders of how much he messed things up. They already lost Shiro, and now Allura was gone too. There was nothing any of them could do about Shiro, but Allura was on his hands and if they.... killed her, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

Lance first tried to go take a nap. He was so tired after everything, but he couldn’t sleep, because all he saw when he closed his eyes was the light blazing from gunshots.

Then he decided that maybe a nice, warm shower would help clear his mind. It usually did, no matter what it was. But, as the water cascaded around him like rain as he leaned his head on the glass of the shower, he realized that nothing would help. The guilt of everything would eat away at his gut until there was nothing left, and then he would crumble.

He stepped out of the shower and quickly got dressed. He stared at himself in the mirror, starting to think.

“It’s fine, right? I mean, everyone makes mistakes. But I don’t know if anyone’s screwed up this bad,” he says to himself, muttering the last part. He runs a hand through his hair.

“Maybe I mess up more than I help. It’s happened dozens of times before. Maybe--” silent tears are starting to stream down his face-- “Maybe they’d be better without me.” He sniffles, watching the tears drip into the sink like a leaking pipe. He always knew that there was nothing that he brought to the team other than the fact that he could pilot the blue lion, but it was another thing to actually face it.

He looks back up, gulping. I know what I got to do, he thinks to himself.

The exact moment that Lance decided to start packing his bags and heading off, Keith was in his room, shrugging off his jacket and grabbing his bayard. He strode down the halls, his mind full of the weight now on his shoulders. Shiro always wanted him to lead the team if something ever happened, and yes he tried as hard as he could, but now everything was a bigger mess because he couldn’t rely on Allura to help them figure out what to do next. None of them knew how to be proper leaders, and now they’d have to stumble blindly, hoping that they shot in the right direction. 

Keith was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he ran straight into someone. Lance. 

“Oh. Sorry Keith,” Lance says, keeping his head down. He pushes past Keith, who then grabs his shoulder, turning him to face him. 

A backpack is bouncing on Lance’s back and his eyes where red and puffy, his cheeks where still wet. Keith’s heart lurched. 

“Where are you going?” Keith asks. 

“I could ask you the same thing, Keith,” Lance snaps back, pulling away from Keith’s touch. He whirls around, continuing on his way. Keith steps in front of him. 

“What’s wrong?” Keith says. He wished he said it softly, but sadly it came out harsh. Lance cringed.

“Nothing. I’m just going for a walk.”

“Sure. With a backpack full of most of your belongings it looks like.”

“Shut up,” Lance tries to walk past him, but Keith places a hand on his chest, stopping him. 

“What’s wrong Lance,” Keith says, now a little more softly. 

“Why do you care?” Fresh tears are starting to stain his face. Keith licks his lips.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he asks, confused. 

“Because I know that none of you give a shit about me,” Lance says, hints of anger starting to drip into his voice. It shocks Keith. He’s never heard Lance talk like this. 

“Why would you think that?”

“All I ever do is let all of you down. Just say it. You don’t need me. You don’t want me. Just kick me out of the team.”

“Lance we--”

“No. I don’t want to hear it, Keith. All everyone has ever did was lie to me. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of all of it.” His voice contained that hoarseness that comes with trying to speak through sobs as tears streamed like waterfalls down his face. He turned and tried to run off, but Keith caught his jacket, pulling Lance to him. 

“I never lied to you, Lance,” Keith says, his gaze penetrating. Lance fidgets in his grip. 

“Just let me go. You all would be better without me anyway.”

“No we wouldn’t Lance.” How could Keith make him understand. The team needed him. They where already low on numbers and Lance was the loyal friend that they could always count on. That they could trust to have their backs even when they didn’t know they had to guarded. How desperately he needed him. 

“And why not, Keith, hmm? Why is it so important that you keep me on the team?” Keith lets go of his shirt, dropping him to the ground. He grabs his bag, turning around and wiping his eyes with his sleeve. 

Then, quietly, Keith whispers, “I need you.” 

Lance stops dead in his tracks, his heart hammering in his chest. Oh god, how long has he wanted to hear those words? From someone? They where enough to undo him and he dropped to the ground, every wall crumbling into utter nothingness. It was a mess. 

There where slow footsteps behind him, then he felt someone crouch down beside him. Then, an arm was around his shoulder, pulling him close into a hug. It was Keith. 

“Lance. We need you. There’s nobody else we’d rather have. Don’t beat yourself up like this.” Lance doesn’t say anything, just presses his face to Keith’s chest as Keith cradles his head. 

They sit like that for who knows how long. They sit like that until Lance stops shaking and the tears stop coming. They sit like that until Keith’s shirt is soaking wet, then Lance pulls away, looking into Keith’s eyes, something blooming in his chest. 

“I’m sorry. I just....”

“No. It’s okay Lance. I get it.”

“You do?”

“You feel left out. Like a fifth wheel. But if anything, you fit in more than I do.”

“No I don’t.” Everything Keith did and said was all on impulse and out of his control. Nothing was done with thought, and that’s why he kissed the top of Lance’s forehead. 

“Yes you do. You’re part of our mismatched family, whether you like it or not.” And, oh god, Lance smiled. 

“Thanks Keith.”

“Of course. What are friends for?”

Lol so this probably sucks (idk why I just have a hard time working with Klance) but ye here ya go peeps!!!!! :D

#klance #voltron #keith #lance #candy writes vld