#i am constantly emotionally hurt what the fuck

[asyipyip]

Oh I’m manic right now

#cool! #just hit me #entered the spiral part of the episode #it’s like THATS why I want to quit my job right now #well no I want to quit it because it’s physically and emotionally EXHAUSTING #and so stressful #but like this level of ‘I need to quit’…it’s bad #IM NOT GOING TO QUIT MY JOB #I CANT #BUT FUCK IS IT HARD NOT TO #and part of it is I just need to fucking ask to move back to register #like hey being a bather (dog groomer light) is not a good fit for me I was doing so much better as a cashier #but in my irrationality it’s like. it sounds so much easier to quit than to have that conversation #like what if they say no. they pit that time and money into training #what if I get fired #like that shows I don’t really want to quit but FUCK I can’t do this #I’m anxious. constantly #I am having anxiety attacks before work daily #I’m anxious I’m going to hurt a dog. I’m anxious that I’m going to get hurt. I’m anxious about COWORKERS getting hurt #I can’t do the dogs nails well because my hands are always trembling when I try and do them #it’s not good dude I don’t want to give up I want to commit but it’s just so hard #I’m trying to push through and try and get used to it it’s only been a little over a month #like is that long enough to decide?? #sorry I really went off in these tags #kara stop blogging #negative #bipolar disorder when I catch you bipolar disorder

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #I've started using music to fall asleep to. because if you watch a video and start to feel sleepy but then stop once you close the video? #the answer is to leave the video running while you fall asleep of course #I'm using music not talking so I don't dream funky and sleep restlessly. #it probably says horrible things about my ability to calm down. rest. and not need distraction. but anything that helps right? #idk. the brain's inability to sit with any sort of quiet. any sort of space to think. #I can't stand when nothing is happening because then I have time to think my own thoughts. #I'm just high school again. which... yeah I'm stressed to hell so it makes sense. but it's annoying and a little disappointing #disappointing that enough stress can just revert me back. I know I'll bounce back faster and more healthily because of the work I've done #but it's still annoying to be back in this same place #how can you move on when you're constantly visiting your old self? #is it nostalgia? trauma? a secret other thing? perhaps all of them at once? I don't know. #I can never be estranged from my bio sex because I'm him all the time. #things get bad and I'm just that terrified little kid who's convinced everyone can read his mind and hates him and wants to hurt him. #and then I'm older me. angry and ready to hurt anyone who touches us. because I'm fucking done with getting pushed around #but I want to get back to me. I want to get back to smiling and laughing so hard I have to lie down on the cold kitchen tile to calm down #one of my minecraft kids told me yesterday that his face hurt from smiling so much while talking to me. that's the kind of person I am now #and I want to be that. I want to be her. I want to be me. I'm so tired of bouncing between past and present. #what does it say that my protective mode is a man and my emotionally honest mode is a woman? idk #trans men often live more emotionally honest and authentic when they transition. obviously my experience will be limited data #I don't think it means anything except the inherent fear that is perhaps characterized so often in trans-women experiences #the fear that becoming myself is somehow reductive of gender roles. the fear that I'm confirming some deeply held bias #which is bullshit. I can be who I want. and I certainly can be who I AM. I just. I want to be me. I want to lose the pressure #because sharing my experiences with others in a way that improves other people's lives is what I want from life. #hmmmm. just had a thought about how minecraft allows me to express whichever side of me I want. #the eager insufferable know it all kid who just wanted to create the world in his own image. #the paranoid and nervous maniac who just wanted everything ordered properly and for it to stay predictable for even just two fucking minutes #and me. the one who wants to create things with others. to engineer collaborative experiences and to build others up and make them happier #idk. I vibe with a lot of stuff I read about did but I really don't match so none of this is trying to pretend or co-opt identity. #but idk. I'm so tired of being split between these eras of my life and getting thrown back into one of those people when things get bad

[deconstructthesoup]

Personal Ranking of the Fantasy High Moms, From Worst to Best:

Arianwen Abernant: -19999/10. She's not as bad as Angwyn, since she's convinced herself she's a good mother, but her "I just want the best for you" shtick isn't any better, and the fact that she's ignorant about how horrible she is doesn't make up for years of neglect. And she also attempted to rope her daughters into raising a being of pure nightmares because she lost her status, so.

Donna Applebees: 0/10. Conservative, racist, judgmental, only loves her kids conditionally... you get the gist. Also, she's absolutely a Karen.

Hallariel Seacaster: 3/10. Yes, I know, she's a MILF, she's got such an iconic vibe, she's a badass with a sword, but none of that excuses years of being emotionally absent from your son's life. She's not a bad person, but she unfortunately doesn't know how to be a mom. Sorry, Hallariel. I wish I could rank you higher.

The Last Phoenix: 5/10. Bird. She's a bird. We don't know enough about her except for the fact that she is the last phoenix, she started out as a "haha Arthur Aguefort is a crazy motherfucker" gag, and she gave us the incredible gift that is Ayda. I cannot rank her fairly, but given that she is Ayda's mom, she goes on the list.

Roz Last-Name-Unknown: 6/10. Same deal with Gorbag---we don't know enough about her for me to properly rank her, but we do know that she was a teen mom, and she's made the choice to reconnect with her son and be in his life. Props for that.

Sandralynn Faeth: 7.5/10. I am ranking her realistically, but let it be known that I love her so much. She is such a beautiful example of a flawed person who consistently tries to be better, and even though she does relapse into old behaviors, she's still growing---and outside of the serial cheating (that is a response to trauma, by the way) and occasional lapses in social skills, she's a pretty damn good mom, all things considered.

Cathilda Ceili: 8/10. She's the parent that Fabian needed, even if he didn't always realize it. She's sweet, she's caring, and if anybody hurts her boy, she will fucking rock your shit. (Also, the reveal of Cathilda being an incredibly fearsome and ruthless pirate outside of Solace was one of my favorites.)

Wilma Thistlespring: 9/10. She's a caring and supportive mom who writes songs, is sex-positive, and loves her son! Again, she does need to recognize when she's embarrassing Gorgug, and she needs to recognize that he's gotta learn how to be angry, but still! We all love her!

Lydia Barkrock: 9.6/10. While she doesn't quite get the full score due to the fact that her son was briefly an ass, it clearly was not her fault, and from what we've seen of her, she is a fantastic mom. She's a badass disabled powerhouse who cooks incredible spreads and cares about her son and his friends a lot. I love her a lot. She's amazing.

Sklonda Gukgak: 10/10. She took that spot in her very first scene, where she poured water in her cereal so Riz could have milk in his, and she's been holding it up ever since. Despite the fact that she's constantly swamped with work, Sklonda is literally one of the best moms you could ever ask for. She deserves the world and it's a constant injustice that she's not getting it.

Bonus: Garthy O'Brien, while having transcended gender and therefore not being able to fit into either of the "mom/dad" rankings, is an 11/10 parent---not just to Ayda, but to everyone younger than them who they've essentially adopted. Words cannot express my adoration for this person.

#honestly if all of the bad kids had siblings i'd do a sibling ranking #i mean i guess fabian technically has a gazillion siblings out there but they're all dead or something #ah well #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high: junior year #arianwen abernant #donna applebees #hallariel seacaster #sandra lynn faeth #cathilda ceili #wilma thistlespring #lydia barkrock #sklonda gukgak #garthy obrien

[gallusrostromegalus]

So how much are you willing to talk about Ulquiorra?

I will talk so much about him. There are so many things wrong with that man, but to make a brief list of his most notable features:

He's dumb as hell.

I say that with tremendous sympathetic affection. Ulquiorra barely thinks. It's easy for him to do nothing and go nowhere. He eats chocolate in the middle of the night in the dark. When he gets access to a garden, he often just stands around in it. He's often waiting for things to happen.

He just LOOKS smart compared to nearly everyone else in the fic because he doesn't have much to say, so he's not constantly opening his mouth to jam his foot down it.

Consequently, Ulquiorra starts off having little to no initiative of his own. Stuff just happens to him. Some of that is because he is colossally depressed, but he's depressed because the idea that he has control over his circumstances has straight up not occured to him.

The first person he meets that shows him that "You can just do whatever you want, forever" and the boundless joy it is to be a creature of free will is, unfortunately, Aizen. And Aizen left off the key corollary "-EVERYONE is allowed to do whatever they want, forever. We are all equal in God's dead, empty eye sockets."

So Ulquiorra wanders around trying out this "doing stuff" thing without any concept of ethics.

I realize I am infantilizing this character, but I am doing so in a twilight zone "hey, wouldn't it be fucked up to watch a fully anatomically functional person who is able to speak and blow stuff up with his mind go through the emotional development steps of a toddler?", because I think that's a fun high-concept premise to explore with him. Yeah, what if a toddler could speak articulately and also destroy you? How would he act? How does he feel, learning to have feelings?

It'd probably suck for him and everyone around him, and make him very easy to manipulate, for one thing.

So I don't think Ulquiorra is evil, because evil takes intent. He is dangerous to be in the general proximity of, though

Like a horse

lose

in a hospital!

I love that sketch as much as the next person but if an IRL horse got loose in a hospital it would be bedlam, but the horse would be mostly confused and probably willing to follow around the first person who looked like they knew what they were doing.

You know, like how Ulquiorra follows Aizen around because that's the first guy he's met who THINKS he knows what he's doing, and is good at convincing others he knows what he's doing!

So Ulquiorra's entire first character arc is being exposed to more and more people and realizing he does have control over his life, and that he can take actions, and that those actions have consequences.

Like being emotionally devastated by a teenage girl because he was an asshole to her and she's willing to scream at him about it.

Hm.

Consequences hurt.

He lives through the Las Noches arc, and decides to follow his own star!

He follows it right through a portal that was not meant for him and now he's sort of trapped in somewhere he's really, really, really, really, REALLY not supposed to be.

But it's a beautiful place

And nobody is forcing him to do anything.

And for a long time, he just stands out in the garden, waiting for something.

But then

Ulquiorra experiences a novel pair of emotions that he's recently learned from his new...

Orihime is too mad at him for him to call her a friend.

-but he did learn the names and therefore the experience of two new emotions from her: boredom, and it's natural remedy: curiosity.

So Ulquiorra's second character arc is him learning how to be himself without anyone telling him who he is and what he ought to be.

He's travelling up Maslow's hierarchy with the inscrutable but unstoppable instinctual drive of a salmon returning to its spawning ground.

This has lead to an important discovery on my part: Ulquiorra is terrific for comedy because he is the ULTIMATE straight man to everyone else's nonsense, because he's immune to nearly all nonsense.

He doesn't have societal taboos to be hung up on, nor any sense of what is "normal", so the sole thing he geta hung up on is a lack of internal consistency in others, meaning he can slip between straight man to the absurdist at the drop of a single scathing observation. Yet, he retains a sort of understated dignity that compels people to try to earn his respect.

Hence, I'm having fun turning him loose on the most absurd, internally inconsistent and frankly, insane batch of characters in the series:

The Royal Guard.

:)

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #bleach #bleach fanfic #ulquiorra cifer #Ulquiorra #mild spoilers

[the-bloody-sadist]

in case no one else has asked, please list your top 10 BL manga/manwha? 👀

i am. very interested in what other media you enjoy, especially BL

Combining these two bc I didn't wanna leave the second out!

(I wasn't a big fan of Blood Bank personally but I'm so glad it helped you with your world building Lil Whale!!)

I'm hoping some of these are unheard of for you guys because THERE ARE SO MANY BL/YAOI AND I READ THEM CONSTANTLY BUT NOT SO MANY ARE FANTASTIC AND MIND-BLOWING AND SPECTACULAR AND DEEPLY PSYCHOLOGICAL! I'm pretty sure I'll end up listing WAY more than 10, mainly because I want to highlight ones I feel like a lot of people haven't read. ALSO because I read so fucking many of them that I've collected a stash and NOW IS MY CHANCE TO YELL ABOUT THEM.

Just a disclaimer, these are not in any sort of order, as they're all about the same level in my head, just grouped. I'll list the "big name" BLs that I adore after these! First up are the ones that either have a quiet fandom or aren't well known! Since there'll be so many, I'm not going to say much about them, just know that usually no BL/Yaoi is perfect to me, since there are many bad psychology tropes here and there or unnecessary cruelties that aren't exactly realistic etc., but overall, I like the way that the story and characters are handled and/or love the art.

Here's the top five of my top ten that's not a top ten bc there are so many (I just said I wouldn't group them but I lied my ass off apparently):

Jealousy [Scarlet Beriko]: This is one of those that emotionally hits so hard that it will stick with me forever and I will usually tear up just a tiny bit when I think back to the moments that made this one so beautiful. A lot of times a story with major hurt, angst, and tragedy won't wrap up with enough to make me scream and cheer at the end. But THIS ONE DID. And I stopped reading for a while when a big event happened because I thought it would end horribly and I'd have to suffer three weeks of fiction-induced depression for a man who wasn't even real. BUT NAY. The themes you get in this one revolve around loneliness (huge draw for me, it always hits), mafia-connected characters and the rivalries from that, self-destructive prostitution, and characters who have difficulty receiving love without freaking out. Are those even themes idk. OH WELL. YOU GET THE POINT. I want this one on my shelf. You might've heard of it, but the fandom is silent so I never did. T_T OH ALSO THE ART ON THIS ONE IS GORGEOUS I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Hitori to Hitori no 3650nichi [Hitomi]: First of all, favorite manga artist. FAVORITE MANGA ARTIST. I'm never exactly sure if the artist is also the writer or if the writer is never the artist or...BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. Anyway! I listed this particular title because it was the first that I found by this person - but then I discovered it was a part of a bigger series, and there are like I DON'T KNOW FIVE DIFFERENT MANGA?? OR SOMETHING??? Related to this one. I don't know which order, I just know that I read them all in a frenzy. THE CHARACTERS. OH! OH THE CHARACTERS! Oh my gods, it's so good. LMFAO. The arcs these characters have are fantastic, and I loved the fact that the abuser in one is shown to be the victim of abuse in a prequel story, and that his anger issues and other elements of his personality came about to affect him and destroy him. Just...I don't recall the details, READ IT. That's all. Spectacular depictions of nuanced trauma within abusive relationships.

The Beast Must Die [Lee Hyeon Sook]: This remains one of my favorite depictions IN ANY MEDIA of a psychopath, because it's SO accurate and I'm SO fucking proud of the author for doing their research and OH MY GODS YOU GUYS IT'S ABOUT TO GET A DRAMA CD LET'S FUCKING GO! This story is so good. It's so evil. It's so psycho-thriller. It's so WELL DONE. It features a dark academia-ish secret society within a college setting who hunt people for sport, sometimes. LIKE. Come on. And the psychopath (dark hair) IS THE MAIN LOVE INTEREST! You could literally hear the summary and go "oh this is for Sadist". And I don't get a lot of those that deliver this well. SOMETIMES the art makes me twist my head a little but YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT CARE OKAY? It's just SO good. There's murder, there's kidnapping, and - most importantly - a main character who doesn't just DEAL with whatever the psychopath does. He's smart, he fights back, he learns to understand psychopathy to determine if he should remain with the love interest...it's fantastic. That's all. I will stop. *BANGS THE WALL*

Aporia [Seontae]: ALL HAIL THE HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIPS THAT STILL HOLD TENSION AND EMOTIONAL WEIGHT AND SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! This is my favorite BDSM-themed story. Everything is consensual, but is everything safe??? Not when it comes to the main character's emotions and tendency to sacrifice his wellbeing for a partner. BUT NOT TO WORRY, HIS SADISTIC LOVE INTEREST IS CONSIDERATE AND ATTENTIVE AND CARES ABOUT HIS FEELINGS!! This is, perhaps, one of my favorite depictions of a REAL sadist. A real one as in a realistic, irl BDSM-relationship sadist. Someone who is just as worried about taking care of his partner as he is about hurting him JUUUUST right. ANYWAY! THAT'S ALL! READ IT! HE'S LITERALLY ME!

Royal Servant [MasterGin, Chungnyun]: Okay, we were talking about healthy BDSM in the previous one, now let's talk about TOXIC BDSM-THEMES THAT I LOVE. Lmao. DO YOU LIKE MASTER/SLAVE DYNAMICS? DO YOU LIKE STORIES WHERE THE ARC LEADS TO THE ABUSIVE MASTER EVENTUALLY LEARNING TO NOT BE ABUSIVE AND LOVE THE SLAVE? YEAH ME TOO. I DON'T NEED TO DESCRIBE THIS ANY FURTHER. AUTHOR OF ANGEL BUDDY, THIS IS THE ONE THAT I KNEW HER FOR FIRST.

A bunch of other good ones you may or may not have heard of (I won't describe every one of these unless I have something particular to say, so enjoy the pictures from them that I snatched):

Love me in the Wilderness [Wang Tao]

Neon Sign Amber [Ogeretsu Tanaka]

Zetsubou ni Nake [Shinou Ryo]: Guys. This story is UNIQUE AS HELL. I had to say something about it. The premise is that a man who was raped turns around and goes back after his rapist and rapes him back, and then they fall in love. IT'S....the amount of times my jaw dropped was insane on this one. SOMEHOW IT'S WRITTEN SO WELL. SOMEHOW THEY NAILED THE STRANGE REALISM OF IT AND HAD ME TEARING UP OVER THE INTENSITY OF THE RAPE SCENES. VERY WELL-PACED, VERY TRAUMATIC IN A GOOD WAY. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. The way they come to love each other after this crazy foundation of mutual rape is IMPRESSIVE. Kudos to the writer.

Love or Hate [Yeongha]: This is a very well-known one but there's like zero fandom so I think it fits here. Also a lot of hate going around for it? Which I never understood, fuck those guys. This remains one of the most beautifully-written that I've ever read, and I mean that purely in like...the ACTUAL writing on the page. I'm talking poetry, purple prose. I just recall being blown away by that, and no manga before or since has ever reached its level. For once I felt like the writer was also a novelist because of the way that they put things, and had a clear voice in the style. Did the main boy end up with someone I didn't want him to end up with at the end? Yes. But I felt like it fit pretty well, and it was sort of a tragedy, and it was supposed to hit you painfully in the gut. A lot of people were mad at the main character for that and I don't really think it's fair. In any case! A beautiful story with complex characters and intriguing dilemmas. Highly recommend it.

Shangri La no Tori (Birds of Shangri La) [Ranmaru Zariya]

Two in Six Billion [Denzou]

The Pizza Delivery Man and The Gold Palace [Upi]: Great story and character-building so far! I will say that once it became porn, it dove a little too heavily into it for me. Like I only needed one scene of the porn, I was enjoying the panic attack scenes much more. BUT YEAH, IT'S ONGOING, SO WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES! But the panic attack scenes were the reason I read it and yes, I did tear up.

Sleeping Dead and Living Dead [Asada Nemui]: I RECENTLY FOUND THIS ONE AND ADOOOOOOREEE IT SO MUCH. I DO NOT CARE THAT IT'S AN OLD SCIENTIST AND HIS ZOMBIE PATIENT. NORMALLY THAT WOULD HOLD NO SWAY OVER ME, BUT OH GODS, THE ART IS SO PRETTY AND THE STORY IS SO GOOD. I LOVE THE LITTLE ZOMBIE MAN! I LOVE THE LITTLE ROMANCE THEY'VE GOT!

Private Lessons [ANCO, Mongya]: It's cuuuuute what can I saayyyyy it has BDSM and threesomes and I liked it. Very entertaining. Scratches the BDSM itch and the little SUB WAS SO CUTE. Anyway.

Kingyo no Ubugoe [Gontaku Nido]

From Points of Three [White Eared]: Threesome dynamics!!

Silent Lover [Qiang Tang, Bai Li Jun Xi]: I STOPPED THIS ONE AT A CERTAIN POINT BECAUSE IT DIPPED INTO WEIRD M-PREG AND STUFF I CANNOT READ. But BEFORE all that, I was deeply ingrained in this one. It has a main character who can't speak (a particular weakness of mine) and he's OH SO CUTE and he's given as a sex slave basically to the emperor (emperor? idk he's a kingly man, something like that), and the emperor is evil but learns to be soft and yet it takes a LONG TIME SO I WAS BAWLING HYSTERICALLY OVER SOME OF THE HEARTWRENCHINGLY PAINFUL SCENES IN THIS FOR THE POOR YUU-ER. A good read until it decided to go the omegaverse-by-magic-potions route. I didn't stay to figure out where it actually ended up.

Yoru wa Tomodachi [Ido Gihou]

Toumei na Ai no Utsuwa [Hitomi]

Re:Birth [Misuaki Asou]: The singular omegaverse story in existence that I actually liked. Hopefully that says a lot. Mostly because it's about the omegaverse elements NOT being present for the main character and him trying to fake it because he's lonely and afraid that his partner (an alpha *shakes off the disgusting label because who the fuck thought alpha was a cool word*) will leave him if he finds out he's just a regular guy (aka beta I guess? ABO is weird idc).

Sahara no Kuro Washi [Soutome Emu]: MASTER SLAVE MASTER SLAVE---

Haru ni Kaeru [Kunieda Saika]

Incorrigible [Bbong]

Well Done! [ANCO, Mongya]

Nemuri Otoko to Koi Otoko [Zariya Ranmaru]

Even If You Don't Love Me [Pando]: It dropped off SUPER hard (it's ongoing still) but damn was it good in the beginning. I am sick and tired of where it's at currently but the psychological manipulation and the horror of a certain twist in the storyline was CRUSHING to me. I only wish that it would have gone a better way after it happened, because it slowly destroyed itself and became like a lot of tropey rape stories. The asshole just keeps being an asshole and it's not really where the story seemed to want to go with that. But otherwise, it started off strong and I'll give it kudos for that.

Bigger titles I'm pretty sure everyone has heard of that I enjoy:

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai [Yoneda Kou]: Is it a little unrealistic that literally everyone in this story is gay apparently and wants to fuck one man apparently and/or rape him? Yes, absolutely. Does that matter once you're in the story and it's so good and all these unrealistic cruelties make a really strong bond between the main love interest and this self-destructive masochist who's probably not really a masochist but only interested in hurting himself because he doesn't know how else to handle his trauma from childhood? Ummmm yeah. Anyway! This one had a lot of inspiration and a lot of tears and a lot of obsession from me. I re-read it all the time, I watch the movie over and over, I listen to the audio drama and cry at my favorite scenes. Do I care in the end that it's a little unrealistic at times? No but I do laugh sometimes when I'm about to share it with a new person. Because BL is just like that generally and you've got to put up with a little of those tropes to find your favorite stories. THIS IS ONE OF THE TOP FAVORITES OF ALL TIME FOR ME BTW, IT'S ONLY SO LOW DOWN HERE BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IN YAOI KNOWS ABOUT THIS ONE ALREADY, AND WE'RE ALL AWARE OF HOW GOOD IT IS.

ENNEAD [Mojito]: I will say that this is basically the best manga/comic/manhua...what's the Chinese word idk ANYTHING OF THIS MEDIA TYPE that I have ever read. It's not done, and people have been complaining that it's starting to fall into the common BL tropes but you know what I do NOT care. Mojito is a genius, Mojito is a master storyteller, Mojito is beautiful, Mojito is strong - I just love Mojito and this work. So much. The action, the horror of rape, the deep-set character conflicts and dilemmas and internal turmoils. Everything, nailed it. Nailed it. And not to mention it's set in FUCKING EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY AND THEY'RE ALL GODS AND THEY HAVE SUCH COOL BATTLES AND COSTUMES AND DUDE???? I'm so hooked. That's all.

Killing Stalking [Koogi]: OBVIOUSLY. I don't really need to say anything about this one except that yeah, some of the psychology is a little off and some of it is just super shallow. But I loved the characters and that's what mattered in the end. I fell in love with Sangwoo too and it ripped my heart out when I read the ending. I was depressed for like two weeks and it was the first story that had ever affected me that way, but I was also younger and this was one of my first yaoi/BLs and yeah. GREAT story though, fantastic storytelling, very lovable characters. Sangwoo was handled so much better than most "asshole/kidnapper/rapist" characters and I will never stop appreciating that, because a lot of writers tend to forget that your villains have to have redeeming qualities if you want us to like them (????). Jinx, I'm fucking coming for you. Suck my dick. KOOGI FTW.

Missing Love/A Married Man [In Hyerin]: Some of the DESCRIPTIONS of how trauma works especially of the sexual nature in this story are SO. SO. GOOD. However, I am beginning to grow VERY ANNOYED at where it decided to go with the most current updates of the story. The author did enough trauma to the main boy, now it's getting so incredibly excessive that it's overdoing it and the author's kinks are showing through. LIKE I GET IT. Okay? I do. But this one became too much and I need him to return to the actual story arc of going through that trauma so he can HEAL with the right person taking care of him.

MadK [Ryo Sumiyoshi]: I am into NONE of the kinks that would lead to me picking up this manga. I hate demons, I'm not a monsterfucker, I can't do extreme guro, and yet I SAW CANNIBALISM. THAT WAS THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY FOR. And then accidentally I got obsessed because the plot is AMAZING and the writing is SO GOOD and who cares if I hate demons and monsters ALL OF THEM ARE BADASS AND HOT (??) AND IT CEASES TO MATTER. Good on the writer for making them appeal by personality alone and expressions and whatever else you signed a deal with the devil to make me like because it worked. Also the guro is beautiful, so it doesn't even matter. Hannibal levels.

Warehouse [Killerwhale]

Painter of the Night [Byeonduck]

Viewfinder/Finder [Yamane Ayano]

Given [Kizu Natsuki, Gusari]

Nii-Chan [Harada] (and basically every other work by Harada)

Sadistic Beauty Side Story [Geumsan Lee, Woo Yeonhui]

Dine With a Vampire [Pangin, Pinko]

Angel Buddy [Mastergin, Chungnyun]

My Partner's Tastes and Fetishes [Deok Hwa]

Interview with a Murderer [KJK]

On or Off [A1]

Steel Under Silk [Snob]

The Pawn's Revenge [Evy]: It was going to be SO GOOD! And then it dropped off harder than a boulder from a balcony and I have absolutely no idea why the author took it the way that they took it, but go off I guess. It's boring as hell now but it started off with promise and I enjoyed the art and character designs. Too bad, I suppose.

Caste Heaven [Ogawa Chise]: An old classic with all the sticky sometimes icky mostly ridiculous BL tropes but hey, it's cute. It's sexy. It's fun. I don't care.

Wet Sand [Doyak]: We're still in the beginning stage of this one but I'm excited to see where it goes! Plus the art SLAPS ASS like nobody's business.

19 Days [Old Xian]: I hate comedy, I hate fluff, I hate buddies that never become lovers, but none of that mattered when I picked this one up. The duality of man. Bite-sized chapters and ACTUALLY AN EVENTUAL ROMANCE that none of us thought we'd ever get.

Legs That Won't Walk [Black Apricot]: Although this one dropped off hard for me and I'm really just following it to see if it picks up again and does something interesting (it probably won't) I did enjoy it in the beginning. I just get tired of the "asshole just keeps being an asshole and nothing else but woobified slut keeps coming back to him??" without the strong and realistic undercurrent of Reasons Why Someone Would Come Back such as manipulation or threats or unhealthy attachment. Perhaps it was sorta there in the beginning with them but now I'm just like why are we still continuing this story.

Pearl Boy [Inking, Zoy]: *Awkwardly scratches neck* It's not the best okay? It's not. It's really not. I don't like half of the things that occur in this one, but the ART, bro. THE ART, BRO? That's what got me into it and what kept me into it, PLUS I do like little Jooha. I stayed for Jooha, too. Dooshik drives me a little batty most of the time and looks ugly for half the story to me, but when he's badass, he's pretty badass, so I can forgive him. I really don't know why he has such drastically changing appearances because I thought he was someone completely different for a bit LMAO. In any case, I have to admit I like the uhhhhh danger that Jooha gets himself into and the crazy things that make no sense but you know what he gets hurt and then there's comfort and rescue and they cry and I cease to care that it makes no sense. (Sorta, I don't actually cease to care I just laugh awkwardly and go okay sure that's how it works because it's so hard to find stories that don't do this LOL I'm beating a dead horse) BUT WHY DOES HE CUM PEARLS? WILL WE EVER KNOW? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT AND WITHOUT A SUPPORTING MAGIC SYSTEM IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE? IT WENT DOWNHILL SO FAST AND THE ENDING IS TERRIBLE BTW. THE VILLAIN SUCKS.

That's it. I can't talk to much or I'll run out of words but HOPE YOU GUYS FIND SOME NEW READS!!

#why does Tumblr only allow a certain amount of images #what a crime #bl recommendation #yaoi manga #yaoi recommendation #bl manga #top ten #my favorites #my recs #yaoi #sadist’s answered asks #whump #fujoshi #yaoi bl #saezuru tori wa habatakanai #scarlet beriko #harada #killing stalking

[centrally-unplanned]

Just finished The Coffin of Andy and Leyley - at least the two episodes we have so far! A very fun game, I definitely recommend it. The thoughts, spoilers everything:

-- The tone of the game is extremely on point, Andrew & Ashley have such a great trauma-criminal dynamic that never strays too far from being cute first, awful second. Look at these babies! Of course that is the blood of their parents they just murdered for a satanic ritual and/or petty cash, what else would it be?

-- The game nails a pretty niche fetish of mine - no, not the incest part, no judgement but I could do without that just fine. Instead its the weaponization of sex (and other forms of intimacy) to manipulate and break down someone's resistance to your demands:

But, while no shade thrown at the classic controlling doms out there, Ashley wins by being a complete mess and possessing minimal intentionality around her emotional blackmail. Her toxic codependency on Andrew controls her and, as inevitable as the tide, forces her to periodically hurt & degrade him, then compensate via affection bombs & demands. She thrives on his weaknesses such as trauma-nightmares & anxiety as they are places she can slot herself into his pysche as load-bearing support, and sex is set up as another part of that web. Its that lack of control that makes her so attractive - the vast emotional void she is hoping her manipulations will fill is a funhouse mirror version of the physical need intimacy can fulfill.

I will note she is a slightly different from the "Mamimi" (from FLCL) archetype - for the Mamimi, sex is deontological, it is what she needs to cope with her damage. For Ashley it's instrumental, and could be swapped out for another tactic as quick as an outfit change if doing so got her what she really wanted.

Probably also worth mentioning that this isn't an eroge; this dynamic is primarily implication and subtext, becoming text only rarely. Don't want to mislead anyone there.

-- Another standout point is that Andrew himself is *not* the typical wishy-washy boytoy target of his bae's emotional machinations, but instead exactly as toxically codependent as Ashley is, just expressed differently. He thrives on her sense of need and the comfortability of the dyad role her vision for their lives creates for him. What makes him a fun contrast is that he has a "normal" half of his brain that recognizes all of this as fucked up and wants to quit, which often pretends he is being blackmailed by duty or circumstances, but that isn't really true. Where the game excels is that it has multiple routes - neither of which have notably different plot events, but where the different factions of Andrew's brain win out or fade away. Is very tight marriage of narrative and themes.

-- Its also good to add that the incest concept is somewhat foundational. I am not an incest person but I have been on the internet, I am familiar enough with its semiotics, and the "mutual, similar-age, unhealthy codependency" subgenre of relationships when its not incest always struggles with a bit of a believability issue.

So narratives are generally about arcs, sex is about build-up, and that combination means you want to portray the moment a relationship forms, tips into romance, right? And your subjects of choice are two people who constantly cling to each other, destroy outsiders who could challenge their attention monopoly, and psychologically scar each other in order to foster emotional addiction. And they are ~20 yeas old.

Why aren't they fucking already?? They obviously should be fucking. If these were childhood friends, they would be fucking, for years now, easy. You can say they just haven't gotten there yet but that changes the characters, makes them naïve and innocent, that is a narrative constraint you might not want. But if they are siblings...well then there ya go. That is a socially-ironclad excuse for how they got so emotionally close without romantic intimacy, and a reason for them not to cross the threshold (until your plot events make them ofc). Its a fetish that makes your storytelling efficient, not just something that works on the fetish level directly.

(Btw Andrew is not a doormat; that is a lie he tells himself)

-- The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is a classic RPG Maker indie project, and it used its gameplay conventions well. Its essentially a visual novel with RPG exploration elements that offered small puzzles as you traverse from plot point to plot point. They create immersion while rarely being too difficult and dragging down the pacing - it knows they aren't here to intellectually challenge you, but to make the world feel lived. And sometimes - most often in Ashley & Andrew's dreams - the light puzzle elements are very deeply woven into the plot & themes, used for making narrative choices & reinforcing emotional beats. They rarely overstay their welcome, which is refreshing. Its not uncommon for a game to get into trying to "gamify" what should just be a visual novel, and while not perfect Coffin doesn't fall into that trap.

Additionally the creator definitely likes Undertale, and the dream sequences remind me of Flesh, Blood, & Concrete in their colors & abstraction. Good times!

-- It is extremely amusing to google this game for like ending guides or w/e and to be bombarded with the "controversy" of its incest plotline. A: The main duo murder their parents and nonchalantly make a meal of their bodies out of sheer habit, way to not have your eye on the prize. And B: my brother in Christ you clicked on the Incest Game. Why are you on Pornhub complaining about porn??

#the coffin of andy and leyley #mini essay

[medievill]

okay. okay. I think I've finally figured out the worst part of the "Ed's going to be an abuser just like his dad" headcanon some of y'all have.

let's go for a ride.

abuse is cyclical, and not just in a micro sense. it's not just "I love you, you're garbage, I'm sorry, I love you, I'm the only one who loves you because you're garbage, I'm sorry, I love you," etc. I mean macro. I mean generationally.

I mean that parents teach their children how to have relationships. we show our kids how adults interact with each other, how adults interact with kids, how kids should interact with kids. we model this behavior constantly. it's one of the most nerve-wracking things about being a parent, actually: you live in a fish bowl now, and the fish bowl is your home, and your children are constantly observing your behavior and interactions, even when you don't want them to, even when you think they're not.

growing up in a home with an abusive parent doesn't just expose you to the abuse—physical, emotional, psychological, religious, whatever it is—it teaches the child that this is how relationships work. and then this kid goes out into the world, interacting with other humans all willy-nilly, and bringing all the knowledge that their parents armed them with to bear. and when the kid (hopefully) realizes that wait, actually, shouting and throwing things and hitting people isn't good, that's not the way you interact, it is solely up to that kid to fix their shit. if they're lucky, they've got someone in their life to help them with that. but even once you've recognized that there's Bad Stuff happening in your interpersonal relationships, you have to retrain your brain. you have to change your go-to reaction. because you can recarve your neural pathways, but it is fucking hard work.

I didn't grow up with a physically abusive parent; I grew up with an emotionally abusive one. every time my partner does something that annoys me, or we disagree on something, and my reaction is "well, I don't really feel like talking"—if you don't think that I don't half- to full-on panic about wait is this the silent treatment, am I doing what my dad did, you are absolutely incorrect. it is a constant fear, that my reactions are inherently abusive. I am constantly gaslighting myself into believing that everything I do in a relationship is bad, hurtful, abusive. I am constantly having to convince myself that it's okay sometimes not to want to talk, and to sometimes be annoyed, and to sometimes disagree, and that none of this is inherently abusive.

now. Ed fucking Teach. do you not think the guy's spent some time introspecting? examining his inner most self? he's smart, and he's depressed, so, yeah. I bet he has. so do you not think, you absolute monsters, that he isn't doing the same fucking thing? Ed Teach, who convinced himself that defending him and his mom against constant violence (a white man, and as if this was a random choice)—ultimately saving their lives (and no, this is not an exaggeration)—made him an unloveable, unlikeable monster. Ed Teach, who is so desperate for love and friendship that his biggest fantasy is owning an inn, where people stay because they want to.

do you really think that one of the thousand internal battles Ed my beloved is fighting isn't don't be your dad don't be your dad don't be your dad? fighting, fucking tooth and nail, to be different. (same as Stede!) this reactionary headcanon literally misses so much of the point of the whole character; it buys into the British Navy's propaganda about him, and worse. it buys into the narrative that a man of color is inherently violent, inherently incapable of change.

#tw: abuse #tw: domestic abuse #tw: emotional abuse #ofmd #our flag means death #ed my beloved #ofmd meta #canyon critical

[kawataslvr]

I AM THE ANON WHO ASKED FOR THE TRIANGLE IZANA-READER-MIKEY!

I loved!!

Could you make a reader who is Hanma's younger brother and started secretly dating Rindou? do the craziest thing you can imagine

Rindou Haitani

A/N : Had no idea if i should’ve placed this under Hanma or Rindou..

Hanma wasn’t very controlling of your life, letting you do whatever really.

As long as you didn’t get hurt physically or emotionally, Hanma didn’t care what you went and did.

What he was slightly controlling of was who you dated, Hanma might be care free about most things but he hated the idea of you dating someone from a delinquent background. Ironic.

Hanma especially didn’t want you with a Haitani, knowing they had a reputation for being “fuck boys” like Hanma had told you.

But you just wouldn’t help it whenever you had actually met them, especially the younger Haitani. With a twist a fate you two actually started hanging out, and somehow Rindou and you had started dating.

Of course, because of Hanma.. Rindou had agreed to keep it a secret.

Even Ran didn’t know, well.. not immediately.

Ran always finds out.

Rindou had accidentally scrolled on his gallery while showing ran an image and it was a picture of you two together with Rindou kissing your cheek.

The older had never gasped louder and snatched the phone out of the youngers hand.

Ran finding out wasn’t a big deal, he wasn’t going to snitch on you and Rindou.

But he for sure was gonna tease him. and you

But because you and Rindou started hanging out so often and constantly being together.

Rumors had spread, and they quickly got to your older brother.

At first, he just thought you were friends with Rindou. Hell, he didn’t even think you were gay really.

Then again he never gave it much thought.

“Hey, Hanma.” Kisaki handed the piss eyed tall figure a photo

It was in a private area , you couldnt really see Rindou’s or your face but Hanma recognized the two-toned hair and your (h/c) from a mike away.

Especially how you two were kissing, how Rindou had his hands on you.

Hanma had never been angrier.

It wasn’t because you got in a relationship without telling him, he’s done that to you before. It was the fact it had to be a Haitani.

At least it wasn’t Ran, but he still was mad at his ignored warnings.

Telling you more than once to avoid even flirting with one of the two, you were still his little brother.

He didn’t want you getting hurt by some fuck boy who was only there to play around with you, he’d hate that.

Calling you to meet him at home so you two could talk, you knew you were in trouble. Hanma always did that whenever you did something to piss him off.

You got home and opened the door, only to see Hanma sitting on the living room table like an angry mother.

Sitting down in front of him you waited for him to speak. “(name).” “Hanma.” you said nervously, trying to calm down your beating heart.

Everything you did this entire month running through your head. Confident that Hanma didn’t find out about Rindou, there was nothing else you’d really done

Your heart sank again Hanma’s next words..

“Didn’t I warn you about dating a Haitani?”

You tried to act confused but Hanma called your bullshit without missing a beat. “Don’t play dumb with me (name).” It had been a while since you heard his voice so irritated.

He honestly wouldn’t have been so mad if the Haitani’s were the one people he didn’t specifically tell you not to get involved with romantically.

Hanma walked over to you, grabbing your phone out of your pocket.

“Hey—!” You yelled out and stood up to snatch it from him. Hanma pushed you down and clicked around on your phone, hovering over Rindou’s contact.

‘Rin💕’ He held the phoen over you, knowing better than to stand up and try to snatch it from him.

“I’ll call him if you don’t shut up.”

You sat down and kept quiet, looking at the ground with a pout on your face.

“when did this start?” you didn’t respond to Hanma, annoyed with your older brother. He sighed, “I’m sure Rindou won’t mind answering then.” You stood up again and he made sure you sat back down quickly.

“When you took me to go pick up something you left at a meeting!” Hanma nodded, he honestly couldn’t care less. But he wanted to see you stressed because you disobeyed him.

“Right, how does he treat you?” you responded so quick Hanma didn’t even have a chance to blink.

“he treats me amazingly!” Hanma still wasn’t convinced, he wanted you to break up with Rindou immediately.

Eventually you convinced him to at least let you and Rindou date.

But everytime he came over, even if it wasnt for long periods of time or to just pick something up.. he showed his obvious dislike for Rindou.

#hanma #rindou #tokyo revengers #male reader #x male reader #tokyo revengers x male reader #rindou haitani #rindou x reader #tokyo revengers rindou #tokrev rindou #tr rindou #rindou x you #rindou x y/n #rindou x male #hanma shuji #hanma tr #hamna tokyorev #hanma tokyorevengers

[cod-z]

Lonely

Your media consumption isn't my responsibility | TW: Angst/No Comfort (possible comfort if I make a part 2), Abuse(non-physical), Cheating(?), FwB, Too late.

Pairing(s): (Choose)141 x Reader

| One-shots | Pt. 2 | A/N: Had 'Lonely' by Akon on loop for the past 6 hours (still am, for no reason)

----------------------------------

It's been who knows how long since you've left, ever since the night you told him you were done, not because of the lonely nights but the constant pernicious words that were thrown constantly at your direction, the nights where he left you the next morning.

A player. That's what he was, emotionally detached whenever his sat next to you at those restaurants that you suggested, paying for your own tickets whenever he invites you the movies and getting individual seats, being there as a imitation of a couple though that wasn't the case.

Friends with benefits. Lack the friends part and where the stage was, it was probably for his own benefits rather than yours.

At first it was just sex, never ending, heated intercourse. No emotions were attached till he started acting different, showing a different light to his playboy side, he showed you that he was, as what people called 'Boyfriend Material'.

Since then your sleepless nights were more than once a week, dates were fun, visiting places that you've never been, then all of that came crashing down. New side piece that walked through those doors. His eyes sparkling at the sight of her bodice, fresh meat for the taking and did he take it quite quick.

It would've hurt less if he didn't treat her so right unlike when he was with you, more expensive, more loving, more thought out and did that hurt. Though it didn't last long but the peace didn't stay calm at all. Back to his style of a players.

You stayed by his side.

Got that one good girl, lord, that's always been there, man like, took all the bullshit. But then one day, she can't take it no more and decided to leave.

He's been in his desolate apartment, the bedside empty now that you had gone before he woke up, a sob stuck in his throat though he blamed it on the whiskey. The song in his room stuck on loop, words mocking him for his life, the precious creature that he had lost because he fucked around.

And like the lyrics that continued to replay for the nth time that morning? Afternoon? He doesn't know. It just dug into his heart, eyes shut tightly, letting the tears stream down his cheeks as he imprints the lyrics into his body and his soul.

Sobs rang out his dim, dirtied room.

No messages, no calls, nothing from you. Just the replay of the music.

Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely I have nobody for my own~ I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely I have nobody for my own~

#cod-z #cod x reader #call of duty x reader #cod mw x reader #cod x you #modern warfare x reader #call of duty fanfiction #141 x reader #cod fanfic #task force 141 x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #johnny soap mactavish #soap x reader #soap x you #soap mactavish #johnny x reader #johnny x y/n #captain price x reader #price x reader #john price #johnny mactavish #kyle gaz x you #kyle gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #kyle gaz garrick x reader

[aleksanderscult]

Why do you hate Mal?

(TW!: verbal abuse! slut shaming! alcoholism!)

Well, long story short, he's a huge dick.

I could write three long metas about his toxicity and why I dislike him but I don't want to tire my fingers for him. 😑

Maybe because of his slut-shaming behaviour?

Oh and what is this? Ah yes, Mal being angry that Alina found happiness away from him:

I'm so sorry Mal that Alina wasn't tortured so you could feel okay. I'm so sorry that she didn't feel insecure enough to run back in your arms, needing you and depending on you like you always wanted for her.

You know, that's the thing with Mal. He did nothing to Alina.

Not when his "friend" was mocking her appearance (and yes this is serious for me because I too have a very thin body and people from my own family have mocked me for it. So it's no joke).

Not when she was apparently sad that he fucked around girls knowing that she knew.

He did literally nothing until Alina wanted to fuck the Darkling and showed interest for him.

(slut shaming her even here)

From then on he ✨magically✨ noticed her out of nowhere and he said that "now I see you".

BULLSHIT!!

According to Mal, it's okay if he fucks girls every other night but it's not okay when Alina wants to do it with a man that....I don't know. Supported her power and abilities maybe?

And he seems constantly so concerned that she has fucked him that he apparently doesn't care if she's truly okay.

What a normal person would say to Alina: "Are you okay? Did he hurt you? I'm sorry you had to go through this."

What Mal said to Alina: "FUCK TORTURE! DID HE FUCK YOU BY ANY CHANCE?!?!"

He's so unserious FR

That's his only concern. If Alina likes or fucked the Darkling (sometimes I wish she had done the latter just so I could see Mal's face after it).

Also! He's an extraordinary bad influence for Alina and her confidence! 😍

A few minutes ago, Alina decided to return to the Little Palace to lead. To do the right thing and stand in this war.

And now we have Mal threaten her: "If you go, I might not follow!!"

And that shattered Alina's confidence. Now she feels ashamed ("maybe he doesn't want me", "maybe he'll leave me") and after that passage when Mal exits the tent, Alina starts thinking "What am I doing? I'm no soldier, or Saint. How will I make it?"

Mal is an influence that constantly wears her down emotionally by making her doubt herself, making her have guilts and making her thoughts come back to him constantly ('cause he's always "What about me?? Think of me!! Look at how shit I feel!!").

Again, he makes the whole matter revolve around him.

There is a civil war ongoing and Mal is like "Okay, but what about me, Alina??!!?!"

LIKE BRO NOBODY GIVES TWO SHITS ABOUT YOU!! THERE ARE PEOPLE DYING HERE!!

And another toxic trait of his. Apparently, if a woman says "no" to him, it's unacceptable:

(The first passage is when Mal tried to kiss her but Alina saw the Darkling behind his back and the second one is when Alina saw Mal kissing Zoya, btw)

He gets angry for the fact that Alina withdrew from his attempted kiss. And apparently he "knows what that means" because every girl he had ever kissed was willing to him.

I'm sorry, Mal, for the fact that a girl changed her mind at the last minute.

If a girl changes her mind, then you must respect that. Not shout at her. NO MEANS NO, MAL.

Mal is that type of guy that throws you in bed, you kiss him and all, and at the last minute when you change your mind and don't want to go for it (for whatever reason the girl might have of course) he gets angry and says "BUT YOU SAID "YES" TWO MINUTES AGO!!!"

He gives me the ick for real, guys.

And, of course, his fury for Alina's power and status. Because, since she gained them, she's no longer depended on him.

Yes, people. Mal wanted to take out a piece of her soul essentially, so he could have her! Romantic!! 🤩🤩

Also, the fact that he was constantly looking like shit in S&S because he was drunk every night is also selfish of him. Mal was Alina's personal guard and protector. One of her three closest ones. By doing this, by having this behaviour, he gives a VERY bad image to Alina.

Imagine what the nobles would think if they saw him this way. The power of image is everything. Nikolai knew it. The Darkling knew it. Even Alina came to know it. By having one of your protectors drinking heavily all night, get into fights and look like shit makes Alina feel embarrassed for the image she gives to the other people. And she was actually in a very delicate position at that time, because she had to gain the trust of the King, his counselors and nobles. Mal should know better than embarrassing her.

Imagine if you were in a high position for the first time in your life, trying to make an impression so everything could go alright and, in the meanwhile, your guardian walks around drunk.

This is not good. In today's world, they fire such people from their work.

And all these bullshit from him in R&R saying "I told stories of you from your childhood so they could see the real Alina" is also bullshit. Bitch, if you wanted to do something good, look respectable for the part. If you want to cry and drink kvas 24/7 then resign, lock yourself up and do it. Don't embarrass your boss.

Also, Bardugo had said that after S&S she received a lot of negative comments about Mal's character. So it's no wonder she made him suddenly all "good" in R&R. She wanted to give reasons to the readers to like him and support his eventual marriage with Alina.

Anyways, I know people will say that the Darkling was no better but, guys...

This is not a competition. Of who is better or worse.

And just like another person had once said in this fandom "The Darkling represents a fairytale character while Mal reminds you of every jerk you've met in your life"

And it's a perfect quote to describe them.

The Darkling is the type of guy we all fall in love in fiction. A fantastical character that does bad deeds but still you swoon over.

While Mal is that asshole you met in high school treating you like shit. That boy you were seeing in corridors flirting with every girl he saw and being a fuckboy. That relationship you had that undermined your value.

Mal is a character that hits very close at home for the readers (with his actions and personality).

This post about him and M*lina explains my thoughts perfectly.

Go read it when you can, guys. It's an incredible mini meta.

#fuck that man #reminds me of a relationship my sister had with an asshole #so his character really hits close at home for me too #FUCK! HIM! #the Darkling should be redeemed by the very fact that he wanted to kill M*l #Aleksander + the readers 🤝 wanting to obliterate M*l's ass #anti mal oretsev #anti mal #anti malina #grishaverse #shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #grishaverse trilogy #alina starkov #the darkling #pro darkling #aleksander morozova #pro aleksander morozova

[bouncybongfairy]

Bodega Dreams Part 2

Miles Morales x Fem Reader

Summary: After finding out that not only is Miles is The Prowler but that you are also pregnant. You now must navigate how to repair the trust lost in your relationship.

Word Count: 3k+

(This story has a character who is getting an abortion. If that offends you: Block me.)

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

When you woke up the next morning, Miles still wasn't home. You didn't bother going out of the room to see if he was there because you didn't want to face his mom. You didn't really want to see Miles, either. Thinking about sorting all the emotions of the situation made you want to pass out. You wish you could say differently, but you didn't contemplate whether to tell Miles about the pregnancy. Deep down, you knew he had a right to know, even though it's your choice to do what's best for your body. If you didn't tell him, you had to live with the fact that you'd be keeping something so big from him. He didn't tell you about being The Prowler for the same reason. Having a child with someone is such a spiritual and intense experience and did you really want that with someone who kept such monumental secrets from you? This whole ordeal really cemented the insecurity she had about being so emotionally dependent on Miles. Even if you decide to leave, where would you go? Were you supposed to live with your dad in his prison cell or maybe at your mother's grave? You haven't even graduated highschool yet. 

You get out of bed and walk over to the bathroom and look in the mirror. Your face was swollen and your hair was going every which way. You decide to hop in the shower, doing nothing more than sitting in the hot water. It did make you feel a bit better, until you heard Miles gently knocking on the door. 

"Y|N?" he asked as you cut the water off. 

"I'm here," you said flatly.

"We need to talk," he said, you actually almost chuckled.

"What is there to talk about? You want me to accept that you're The Prowler which you've been hiding from me for God knows how long. You seem to be okay with literally murdering innocent people for whatever excuse or mission you're clearly willing to stick to no matter what. So what is there really to talk about Miles?" You spit the words out like venom. 

"I told you I was wrong for that. I figured the less you knew the less danger you'd be in. I didn't want you to be constantly worried about such complicated things," He said. 

"That's bullshit," you said, wrapping a towel around yourself and walking into the bedroom. 

"How am I protecting you from such a violent and vicious world bullshit?" he asked. 

"What did you think was going to happen when I found out? Did you really think you were going to go years without telling me? We are in a relationship that I thought was an open book, I didn't realize you were ripping out pages as I was reading. Don't fucking sit there and try to act like you were protecting me from knowledge because we both know knowledge isn't something that anyone needs to be protected from. You were protecting your own image you wanted me to have of you. It's really off putting that you're trying to make it seem like you had to lie to me to protect me. Like that's actually weird as fuck," you said throwing on a tee shirt and biker shorts. 

"Okay. I hear you and I understand that this hurt you," he said, getting less defensive.

"It's not that it hurt my feelings. Well I mean yeah it did but my trust in you is just gone. I just need time to clear my head, I love you but this is just such a fucked up situation," you said throwing on a pair of shoes and grabbing your purse. 

"Does your mom know?" you asked?

"Where are you-"

"Does. Your. Mom. Know?" You asked again which was followed by a heavy silence. 

"Oh that's rich, you protecting her too?" you asked rhetorically.

"What time are you gonna be home?" he asked, following you from the bedroom to the living room. 

"I just need to run down and get a couple things from the store. I love you," you said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before heading out the door. 

You have never been so relieved to smell the rotting garbage on the curb in your life. You didn't want to be in the house right now. You reach into your bag to pull out your pen but when you remembered your situation. You threw it back into your bag in frustration and walked to your favorite deli and ordered a cold sub and a diet coke. You haven't eaten anything after vomiting your brains out last night. Your body was past empty at this point. After you left you hopped on the subway and made your way down to the cemetery, buying a bouquet of flowers from a street vendor. 

You felt stupid for getting ready so fast because it was 60 degrees and you were in some damn biker shorts. You wanted to go see your moms grave, it just made you feel calm and at peace. You missed her in times like this, she died when you were about 12. You were grateful for the childhood memories but in your teenage years you needed her. Sometimes you think your dad wouldn't have spiraled if she didn't pass, as awful as the sounds. It's nobody's fault but that almost makes it worse, accepting that it was just her fate was harder than blaming someone. 

Once she got to the cemetery she pulled some weeds away from her grave stone. She used her napkins from the deli to wipe away some of the debris from the stone. After that, you laid your jacket on the ground and started to eat your food. You are a spiritual person, so you didn't feel like you needed to relay the last 24 hours to her verbally. You feel as though she watches over you and knows what's going on as it happens. You set your sandwich down and let out a big sigh. 

"This is just a fucked up mess huh?" you asked rhetorically washing your food down with your soft drink.

You spent the time at the cemetery self reflecting on what you were going to do. It was your decision to be with Miles even if he is The Prowler. You understood that this could put you in danger, enemies who wanted to hurt you just to get to Miles. That was a choice you could make but a baby can't help the life they are brought into. Would it really be moral for you to put your child in a situation where they could be killed or used as ransom or whatever? Even if you didn't consider his alter ego, you were both barely 18. You wanted to go to college, have a career, travel and experience everything life has to offer with Miles. Not to mention the clone, your brain really couldn't even process that; it literally gave you a migraine. You wiped a few tears from your face and stood up. You pack your things up and make your way out of the graveyard and stop at the store before heading back to the apartment. 

When you walked in, Miles was sitting on the couch. He jumped up once he heard the door open, practically running to you. 

"How are you?" he asked you, running his hands down your arms. 

"We need to talk," you sighed walking back into the bedroom.

"Yeah, of course," he said following you. 

"First, I want to say that I understand why you didn't tell me. I think it was stupid but I do get why you thought it would protect me. I'm extremely hurt that.. you wouldn't tell me such an important part of your life. I'm not saying that I completely forgive you and want to move on but, there is something that- I'm pregnant. I feel kinda like everything that happened last night really opened my eyes to how many things you have to consider when having a baby. I don't think we should have this baby especially with everything we have going on," you said with tears pooling in your eyes. Miles covered his hands with his face and ran them down his cheeks slowly.

"Holy shit," he said standing up, starting to pace. 

"I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you will respect my decision." you said, he shook his head in agreement. 

"I'm so sorry that I put you through last night especially knowing, you know. I respect your decision of course but you also have to respect my feelings about it," he said, getting on his knees in front of you. You were sitting on the bed, he rested his elbows on your knees and looked up at you as he spoke. 

"Well what are your feelings about it?" you asked.

"I love you so obviously the thought of raising a child with you intrigues me. I want to be able to have a future and a family with you but like you said it's your decision," he said

"Even if I decided to keep it, would that really work? You're.. The Prowler. I can make the decision to stay with you even though I know I'm at risk. I can't bring an innocent child into that," you said, taking his face into your hands.

"I know," he said rubbing his hands, "Tomorrow, I want to take you down to the warehouse. To show you everything i've been up to. I don't want to hide anything from you anymore," he said standing up and sitting next to you on the bed. 

"Is it safe?" you asked. 

"It's safe when the lion is the one who is inviting you into the den right?" he asked.

"Not unless the lion wants a little snack," you joked back.

"I might be feeling hungry by then," he said making you laugh, this was the first time you smiled at each other since the entire ordeal. 

~

You meant what you said about how you couldn't forgive and forget everything he kept from you. It did make you feel better that he was wanting to open up more and show you what he's been up to. This is the first step to healing the relationship in your opinion. You're just trying to take things day by day, stressing out constantly would just make everything worse. Once you woke up in the morning you started getting ready to go with Miles to work. Then after you were going to planned parenthood to set up an appointment. You expressed to Miles how you were a bit nervous because of everything you've seen about the protestors who harass people who come in and out. He reassured you that he wouldn't allow anyone to do so.  You both were in the car pulling up to the warehouse, Uncle Aaron allowed Miles to take his truck for the day to run errands.

The building was dull from the outside, it didn't look abandoned but not necessarily occupied either. There were no cars in sight and trash littered the ground, stray dogs fighting over who knows what. There was a line of tents that ran along one of the fence lines. Once you got into the building you were a bit confused because it appeared to be completely empty. He led you to the corner of the large room and let go of your hand. He pushed a broken refrigerator about five feet from its original placement, revealing a set of stairs. Once you were downstairs your eyes widened; it was like you stepped into a whole new world. 

Tables that were packed to the brim with technology and weapons that looked like they came from the pits of world war three. Not only just machinery but what appeared to be a lab, different test tubes filled with different colored liquids among other things. Open duffle bags of money, more money you'd ever seen in real life. You were pretty taken back with everything you were seeing. 

"What is it that you do exactly?" you asked, running your fingers along one of the tables. 

"We're essentially body guards for our boss Kingpin. If he has a problem with someone then that person has a problem with The Prowler," he said, grabbing your hand. 

"So you promise me you're not just killing for fun?" you asked, turning to face him. 

"I would never purposefully end someone's life for shits and giggles. Ever." he said. 

"Are you happy doing all this?" you asked.

"I am, I feel like I really do help keep people safe. The people that Kingpin sicks us on can be some of the most vile people you could imagine. Not only that, I try to give back to the community. You know Mrs. Rodchester who lives on 112th? Ever since her husband died, her entire social security goes towards her rent. The other day Uncle Arron and I were able to stock her entire fridge and buy her things like toilet paper etc. There's a man in our building whose wife died, leaving him with 4 kids under 15. We took them back to school shopping and were able to pay for a gravestone. I know we can cause harm but I don't know I really try to be as good as I can," he said.

"Thank you for taking me here and showing me more about what you do. I feel alot better about this entire thing," you said, pulling him into a hug. 

"Me too," he said. 

You were both on your way to the clinic, you were a bit sad but deep down you knew this was the best decision for your situation. Miles had taken some money from one of the bags and stopped at Mcdonalds. When you pulled into the parking lot you were taken back by how outlandish the protesters were. Holding signs with fetuses and bible verses under them. Yelling and trying to talk to every car that exited, trying to show fliers through the car windows. Thou shall not judge though right? You felt bad from women who didn't have a choice being told their evil for something they can't help. Like women with ectopic pregnancies or rape victims who may not necessarily want an abortion but need to for their health. 

After walking into the lobby you only waited about an hour before getting your appointment set up. It was a week from now and you were feeling relieved that it was being taken care of. You read online that a lot of girls have guilt even if they wanted to go through with it. You however didn't feel this way, you were confident that you were making the right choice for yourself, Miles and your pregnancy. He was being so supportive, he held your hand the entire time and kept telling you: I support you no matter what. As you guys were walking out of the clinic, you were shocked at the hell that broke loose while you were inside. Police cars were everywhere, and three protesters were in handcuffs, you laughed when you saw them. That smile quickly faded once you saw a young woman covered in blood. Apparently one of the protesters threw a bucket of pig's blood on a woman walking back to her car. 

"I wasn't even getting an fucking abortion I came here to pick up my damn birth control!" she practically screamed as an officer comforted her, wiping some of the blood off her face. Once you got back to the car, tears started to flow down your face.

"What's wrong?" Miles asked. 

"Maybe it's just hormones but I feel so bad for that girl. What if that was me I just- people can be so cruel," you said showing a handful of slightly cold fries into your mouth. 

"Yeah pro-life until it's the life of the woman of the fetus," he said, putting the car into drive and making your way home. You were exhausted once you got home, you let your body flop onto the couch. Rio was making spaghetti which you were excited for. She put vegetables in it like mushrooms and zucchini which you really liked. 

"Where have you guys been, I feel like I haven't seen you either in a couple days," she said, wiping her hands on your jeans, pulling Miles into a hug. You could barely keep your eyes open so you excuse yourself and go lay down. Miles followed you explaining that he had to go meet up with Uncle Aaron to handle some business. You don't really remember what you said because as soon as your head hit the pillow you were out. 

~

"Come on Mami, come eat," Rio said as she sat on the bed rubbing your arm up and down to wake you up. You slowly got up, feeling like a bear coming out of hibernation. You walked out and there was already a plate ready for you.

"Thank you so much, it smells so good," you said sitting down. 

"Of course," she paused before continuing, "so, I found this in the bathroom," she said holding up your pregnancy test, you could physically feel the blood draining from your face. 

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you I was-" you started before Rio interrupted you. 

"Don't apologize, you are loved and supported here and I want you to know that I support you. No matter what you decide. Does Miles know?" she asked, sitting down next to you, putting her hand on your knee. 

"Yes he knows, he came with me to planned parenthood. I'm not going to keep the baby, I just don't think our relationship or either of our mental states could handle a baby. I'm not ready," you said, starting to cry for the thousandth time today. 

"You know only Jef and I know this but before Miles I had an abortion. He just got accepted into the police academy and I wasn't even halfway done with nursing school. Not only that, I had such bad morning sickness that I lost 15 pounds. I couldn't eat, sleep or focus; I couldn't get anything done, nothing. My point in telling you this, I want you to know that life can move forwards even as big of an obstacle as this is okay?" she asked and you pulled her into a hug. She laughed and wrapped her arms around you tightly. 

"Thank you for everything," you said. 

"My bonus daughter," she said, pulling away and holding your face in her hands. She then turned on the T.V as you both started to eat. 

"I am currently reporting live from a planned parenthood in Harlem, New York. Three protesters died after an assault of a woman who was doused in blood after picking up a prescription. Police have indicated that The Prowler is tied to this case due to the debris left on the scene and the nature of the attack. Heather Morretti reporting with Channel 101 News." The women spoke loudly through the speaker. 

"Serves them right," Rio said, getting up to grab a drink. You sat there dumbfounded and confused. You immediately get up and run to the bathroom, throwing up everything you ate today.

Authors Note:

Thank you for reading, I was feeling a bit insecure about my writing before posting the first part to this story. I'm so happy to see that people enjoy my work and it makes me feel proud to cover a topic that many women feel they can't talk about without getting attacked. Abortion is health care and as @kickbacknxtdoor said when someone has so many things on their plate, a baby truly can be out of the question and that isn't something to be ashamed of. Again, abortion is health care that every person should have entailment to. If that triggers you, tough tatas.

@sosongstrawberry

@isabelcor3

#miles morales #fanfic writing #spiderman #into the spider verse #miles morales 42 x reader #miles morales prowler #miles morales x reader #prowler x reader #prowler miles #across the spiderverse

[ewingstan]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 9-11 for whatever Worm characters come to mind! (Or Sophia/Calvert/Taylor/Krouse if you have any thoughts!)

Fuck it. All of em for all of em.

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Sophia: I'll be real I don't feel super strongly about her. She's written to be hateable in an effective way, but she's less of a full character than Emma despite being in much more of the story. And her shit kinda gets bogged down by racist writing (a lot of the worst of it happening right before Aisha's introduction, which is also pretty racist). She's involved in a lot of cool and interesting moments but they're rarely interesting because of her.

Coil: Works really well as the first overarching villain in Taylor's story. He's able to sell the "I'm a bad guy but in an excusable way that's not really too bad" well enough, but also has a lot of obvious red flags even before the Dinah reveal. So you can understand perfectly well why Taylor, a kid who really wanted to continue hanging out with the undersiders and do things that made her feel like she had any control, would go along with him. But you can also take a step back and say Jesus, only a kid who really wanted to continue hanging out with the undersiders and do things that made her feel like she had any control would go along with him.

Taylor: Wildbow has a reoccurring tendency to focus on characters who are both incredibly smart and can get an incredible amount of info quickly, but only in specific limited ways. Its true of Taylor, Lisa, Sylvester, Kenzie, Mia—a lot of my favorites. But the interesting thing is that they're never smart in the same ways, never collect the same sort of info. Lisa has general super-induction but no great skill at making plans. Sylvester can read and manipulate people to a superhuman level but is constantly getting blinded by his own resentments and desires. Taylor's hyper-vigilance gave her the ability to see and react to everything external around her, but no means or real incentive to know whats going on internally with people around her. And it makes sense! She's incredibly afraid of letting people in who'll end up hurting her; people who've genuinely been kind to her in the past have used their previous closeness to hurt her later! Knowing that someone doesn't mean her harm now isn't gonna reassure her, so its safer to assume everyone's a threat and not worry too much about what they're actually thinking.

And then there's Rachel, who she not only connects with emotionally, but is the only person who's able to make an emotional connection with her! And since you understand why its not the norm, its all the more incredible to see!

Krouse: oh I'm glad you asked

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Sophia: I like that she and Lung both get wrapped back up in the end for Skitter's Gold Morning missions. I wish she got to do more in those, but I do like it as a story beat.

Coil: How high he got and how far he fell.

Taylor: Man the escape from Coil's trap is a fucking great chapter. She's a one-woman horror movie. Single-handedly sells her as a villain who'd get national attention, and its not even a moment the public knows about. And its in such a great place in the story too, where all the tricks she's using have been established so its not feeling like a weird escalation in her abilities, but she hasn't all employed them at once or to such incredible effect yet. It’s the real culmination of her taking “lessons” from Bakuda about being scary.

Krouse: One of the moments that really sold me on him was when he was getting attacked by Case 53s, and immediately started thinking about how he could take them down, before he interrupts his own thoughts to go "wait, what am I doing, I should just run away." It just sells so much of his whole deal. He's a great on-his-feat thinker, he can be an incredible strategist when he's on his own, but he also doesn't share Taylor's suicidal urge to face any problem head-on. Its kind of the inverse of one of Taylor's early establishing moments: after getting attacked by Rachel, she reaches for a reason to calm down, realizes she doesn't have one, and immediately retaliates hard enough to get blood on her boots. God they're such good foils, its weird that the extent of their relationship is mutually disliking each other. Not even intense dislike in either case.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Sophia: That the black member of the trio is the one that consistently gets physically violent, is characterized as the athletic one compared to the others in general (instead of "the cute one" or "the prep" she's "the track star"), gets described as being savage multiple times, doesn't have much of a character outside of sucking despite being in a work that's otherwise really good at giving internality to people who act shitty, all that jazz.

Coil: How little sense we got of what Calvert's dominion would really look like. That we didn't get much of his takeover without other disasters interfering actually works—it fits the themes of constant conflict interfering with stability and safety. But I still want more of a sense of what Calvert wanted.

Taylor: I didn't care about her reunification with her mom. I say a lot that the ending of Worm is one of the best endings of any story I've read, and that's true of Gold Morning as a whole, but I don't actually care much about the last epilogue. The Brian reveal certainly doesn't help there.

Krouse: Do you know how much it sucks that when people ask me who my favorite worm character is, the tumblr sexyman is in contention?

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Sophia: any story that takes her basic parts, gets rid of the obviously shitty stuff, and develops her into a real character.

Coil: Disney Channel sitcom

Taylor: Well I already tried expy-ing Khepri into my tabletop campaign, and that got mixed results, so I'll take TTRPGs off the list. I'd be interested in her getting put in a medium where you'd have to be creative with how to represent the bug cloud, like live theater.

Krouse: I was gonna say Mob Psycho but then I remembered that they already had a guy who teleported around being a jackass. But I would like too see a well-animated version of his fighting style.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Sophia: I'll Make You Sorry by Screaming Females

Coil: For some reason I get an Everything Everything vibe from him? Maybe Photoshop Handsome or Breadwinner.

Taylor: I don't actually read her as trans but Dysphoria Hoodie is what immediately came to mind. I'm at least theoretically still making a Cicada Days animatic about her. I think portions of BCNR's Sunglasses fits with whats going on internally with her in the Mannequin fight

Krouse: Want to make a Prowl Great Cain AMV for him one day. Lyrics fit perfectly, and the way its sung gets the same otherwise inexpressable intensity of how I feel about him. Darnielle said “This is a song about betrayal. A lot of songs about betrayal are about betrayal and redemption. Not this one.” And yeah, that's Krouse!

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Sophia: Oh, no

Coil: It would prolly be fine except for how he'd torture a branch of my psychological continuity and then effectively kill it by destroying that reality whenever I leave the dishes out too long. Don't correct me on how his powers work

Taylor: Uhhh probably not. Even if I wasn't much older, I don't really talk to my roommates unless they're the talkative sort. She's been stuck living with clamshells before, it wasn't good for her.

Krouse: I'd have to kill him

10 and 11: alright these are "could you be best friends with" and "would you date" and in both cases the fact that I'm 23 means no. I don't have Blake's ability to form rich friendships with people much younger than me. And I'm not interested in Calvert as a friend or a lover.

#sophia hess #thomas calvert #taylor hebert #francis krouse #wildbow #parahumans #wormblr #mals reads worm #mals says #ask game

[prince-liest]

not me latching onto the tiniest detail of part two in the 666 series ("Val is way better at this part than I am") but how exactly are you picturing what Val and Vox get up to on their own? specifically the aftercare? ngl I'm lowkey obsessed with the contrast of vox suggesting val is amazing at taking care of his partners in bed while also dropping hints about being hurt by him (and not receiving an apology) regularly... what a roller coaster relationship lol

Very late reply to this ask, oops, BUT:

I think Valentino is fully capable of being the exact kind of gooey, lovey asshole (even if he's low key condescending about it in a self-satisfied way) that Vox enjoys post Alastor-inflicted emotionally devastating edgeplay.

Vox refers to Valentino often in 666, and the ways he talks about him are conflicting! He mentions Val being a loving partner, he mentions Val hurting him, he mentions missing Val, he mentions Val doing things that are maybe funny and maybe kind of a fucked up violation of his autonomy. I think this is in line with what we see of Valentino in canon: he's constantly blowing up Angel Dust's phone and flip-flopping from nice to angry and back again. I don't think he's like that, exactly, with Vox, because Vox isn't literal property that he owns the soul of, but I do think he's likely prone to being a very mercurial person depending on how he feels he's being treated.

He's a bitch, but he's a bitch who can lovebomb with the best of them if he wants to. He and Vox have both killed each other in the past, but they also love each other. It's fucked up and complicated!

#ask #personal #Anonymous #666 live on air #hazbin hotel #nsft #this is from march 22 QUQ was not joking about being behind on asks #I get a lot of really wonderful ones but many of them are long and require me to sit down and actually brainstorm #to avoid going “I've never really thought about it sorry!” #which if I'm gonna say that I might as well leave it for later until I DO think about it haha #my writing

[campgender]

Hi, my friend has a chronic illness that flares up sometimes and we've been wanting to hang out but it has gotten cancelled a couple times lately bc of her not feeling well enough on the day. I want to ask her how she feels cuz I care abt her a lot and want an update but 1, I don't want her to feel pressured or like I'm asking just to ask can we hang out now, and not bc I care abt how she's feeling (does that make sense? I may be overthinking this) and 2, I genuinely wanna know how she's doing but idk what to say if she responds with her not being better, sometimes u don't feel better and that's ok but I always want to offer comfort somehow or just convey my friendship? but I feel the same everytime and don't want to sound repetitive ?

Any thoughts?

this is really kind of you & it means so much to me that you want to support your friend & are putting so much thought into it! my response is inherently based in my own experience to an extent & everybody’s different, but a lot if not all of this is stuff i’ve heard regularly from other chronically ill people. of course, don’t say anything you don’t mean – if some of this isn’t the case for you, just adapt accordingly :)

i understand worrying about being repetitive but i think that’s totally okay to do! for one thing, it can be difficult to remember things period when you’re ill, especially during a flare, & for another, internalized + societal ableism is a hell of a force. it never hurts to have a reminder that not everyone is trying to force ableist expectations onto you + your friendship & that someone cares about you!

i think you can definitely tell your friend pretty much what you told me! like, “hey, it’s okay if you aren’t feeling up for responding but i just wanted to check on you! not trying to pressure you to hang out or anything, i just care about you & how you’re doing”

honestly the most important + supportive thing people have ever told me is that it’s okay if the answer is “bad.” i’m literally like surprised pikachu meme every time somebody offers to let me vent about having a rough time & then it helps me just to talk about it. it’s really socially unacceptable to talk about chronic pain & a lot of people get frustrated when you’re complaining about the same thing & there’s not really anything they can do, so just the opportunity to be like “yeah shit fucking sucks right now” means a lot.

obv the appropriateness of this depends on the person & their relationship to disability but most of the time i’m very like, radical acceptance / embracing / etc about the fact that i’m probably just gonna get sicker, so sometimes when i’m having a rough time emotionally & am like “what if i’m this bad for the rest of my life” my gf (who doesn’t have chronic pain / chronic illness) will say something like “then i can’t wait to be there with you ❤️” & it’s more meaningful to me than i can begin to put into words.

again everybody’s different but for me one of the biggest things is when disability stuff just… isn’t a big deal to the other person. which, it’s totally okay for you to need support from others when someone you care about is going through a hard time & when things change! but abled people are constantly horrified about like, every aspect of my life, so being able to talk casually about symptoms & somebody mirror the mood / tone i set – laugh if i’m joking, be upset about the ableism i experience & not my body itself if i’m complaining about people being weird about it, taking things as they come – is so affirming.

other things that have been helpful + meaningful for me are friends sending me notes, stickers, & art in the mail – having something tangible can make me feel more “real” & part of the world, something i struggle with due to being homebound – & peer support around medical neglect, which often just looks like talking to someone after a doctor’s appointment & them reaffirming my reality / experiences & saying i didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

oh one other change in language i’ve made over time & probably picked up from a few other ill people in my life is a sort of realistic encouragement – there’s not necessarily anything wrong with “i hope you feel better soon!” because like, i get that the message is well-intentioned, but it can be awkward & difficult to receive when you don’t know if that’s gonna happen. instead, i try to tell people something like “i hope you get a bit of relief soon” or “i hope things are a little easier tomorrow.” a 7/10 pain day may be horrifying for most people, but when you’ve had a streak of 9s, it can be a much-needed taking the edge off, & i try to make space for that breadth of experience in my language.

i’ve answered a few similar questions before so i’ll add my “asks” & “faq” tags on my chronic illness blog in the reblogs if you want to browse! much love to you & your friend and feel free to lmk if you have any other questions 💓💓

#asks #chronic illness

[my-castles-crumbling]

What is your brain’s canon timeline for the mauraders era?

I love tumblr 😍

So, I'm going to be vague for now but if I feel ambitious maybe I'll make an in-depth one. This is my VERY not canon-compliant, in-a-happy-world timeline. I am also partially high on the fumes from wood stain, so take this with a grain of salt. I can also do a canon-compliant one if you like.

First year: End of the year, Sirius, James, and Peter find out about Remus being a werewolf

Second and Third year: Regulus and Sirius have a falling out because family trauma.

Thirdish year: idea for the Marauder's Map is formed, they spend a year or so perfecting it but are constantly adding to it

Third year as well: Remus realizes he's in love with Sirius. He's more emotionally aware but also hates himself so he pines silently.

Fourthish year: Dorcas and Marlene make the quidditch team, become rivals. Dorcas is Out and Proud. Marlene is not. She probably hooks up with Sirius at some point but they're better off as friends.

Third-fifth year: James wants Lily. He is an idiot. Lily does not want him back.

Beginning of fifth year: Sirius, James, and Peter succeed at being animagi. Remus has to resist kissing Sirius because he was the one who came up with the idea. Poor Remus.

End of fifth year: The Prank. The Dark Ages.

Summer between fifth and sixth year, Sirius runs away, Remus forgives Sirius because....Sirius is hurt and he just loves him, okay?

Sixth year: the year of pining for Wolfstar. Sirius has realized what it's like to lose Remus and Doesn't Want That Again, realizes his feelings but won't share them because he is terrified.

Also sixth year: James cools down about Lily. Lily is a raging lesbian. She hooks up with some randoms, but it doesn't really work out.

Also Also sixth year: Marlene is like, oh shit, lesbians. Women. Girls. Is like ooooo all those issues with Dorcas are sexual tension. This is not solved quickly because both of them are stubborn.

End of sixth year: Wolfstar gets their shit together. As do Dorlene. Perhaps with dramatic confessions.

Summer between sixth and seventh year: Regulus runs away to James's house because he is Very Gay and probably fucked Barty at some point, but just because Barty is arguably attractive and they both were bored. Barty still insists that he's not gay. Oh, Barty.

Seventh year: James has a Gay Crisis and falls for Reggie because Reggie is beautiful to him but everyone else thinks he's an asshole. Eventually Reggie returns said feelings because he's apparently attracted to idiots.

Also seventh year: Because Dorcas and Marlene, and Reggie and James are together, Lily meets Pandora. Yay, Pandalily!

Only after Reggie gets his shit together do Rosekiller realize, hey, we are Also Gay- For Each Other. Better late than never.

This isn't the timeline that any of my fics follow exactly, but this is my ideal timeline lol. Hope that helps!

#marauders #harry potter #marauders era #fanfic #sirius black kinnie #wolfstar #regulus black kinnie #jegulus #harry potter marauders #marauders fandom #dorlene #pandalily

[edandstede]

i think canon izzy is an interesting character who is played very well but every day i’m SO FUCKING GLAD his arc came to its natural end and he died because all his fucked up racist fans have shown their entire arses with their behaviour. now what i REALLY hate is how almost ALL the conversation post s2 is around this one white dude - people doing insane mental gymnastics to minimise his actions and explain why he was actually right for abusing ed or why he didn’t actually do anything wrong and why ed is really the toxic violent one making izzy his victim and i am not even TOUCHING that backwards meta claiming stuff i couldn’t even dream up while high. something about jesus and aids? yeah because that makes sense you insensitive out-of-touch dickheads.

seriously if you hate the show now then prove it and shut the fuck up, move on, it clearly was never for you if you can misinterpret it this badly on purpose. the izzy you’re a fan of doesn’t fucking exist, you made him up in your heads and got mad when the canon character didn’t fit your woobified poor meow meow version. you wanted izzy to be a victim so fucking badly and he just isn’t. he is NOT. he repeatedly threatened and goaded and emotionally manipulated the main character - an openly gay indigenous brown man who expressed his emotions and wore effeminate clothing, who was actively depressed and suicidal - and he fucked around and found out as a result. he had ed released to him like his fucking property by the english after almost having the man ed loved executed in front of him and you think ed is the antagonist here? you think ed is wrong for reaching his breaking point and lashing out exactly how izzy repeatedly begs him to? he wanted blackbeard and he fucking got it.

anyway like FUCK ME there is a whole cast of excellent and interesting characters who don’t get talked about nearly as much, ESPECIALLY characters like jim and olu, roach and zheng, spanish jackie, hell ED HIMSELF. they’re sidelined by fandom racists constantly to make room for this one dude who was an out and out homophobic racist bully and dick for 90% of the show.

stop pissing your pants for 5 seconds and accept izzy (a side character there to accompany ed’s arc) was a canon antagonist with internalised issues who dealt ed (one of two main characters) a LOT of damage, but ultimately actively tried to change and embrace the crew and their ways on the revenge. he found his place in that family, that is a GOOD THING, and he died having found a peace most pirates like him don’t ever get to have. yes, ed lashed out and hurt him, and it was a direct consequence of the violence izzy THREATENED OUT OF HIM. izzy himself acknowledges his part in ed’s pain at the end, so you can too! how about that? if you can’t wrap your head around these very easy to understand plot points then just fuck off at this point y’know? literally just fuck off and find a different show because clearly the canon story of this one isn’t for you.

you cunts are fucking insufferable and have made this character one i don’t wanna touch at all, any post about him just makes me recoil because some fans just could not be normal about him.

now can we get some quality posts about literally anyone else

#done talking about him #can we make some space for any other character now please #quill to paper #personal