Tumgik
#hq!! crack
merlucide · 4 months
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Boys that would do this
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GOJO, Inumaki, MAHITO, KAMINARI, UZUI, DOUMA TENDOU, Bokuto, Nishinoya, Tanaka, ATSUMU
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Made December 28th 2023
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starreo · 4 months
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funny ideas they get while being intimate. mdni.
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before burying his cock in your fluttering wet hole, he wants to test something out! he wraps his hands around his dick, hovers the tip of his cock over your cunt and tries to spell his name on your entrance.
"guess what i wrote on your cunt-!?" he asks excitedly as you're begging him to put it in already.
gojo satoru. eren, atsumu, ness, reo, itadori, your favs <3
he's going down on you for the first time, ready to devour your slippery cunt, but ooh, he's got an idea-! wouldn't it be so funny if he just blew cold air into your hole?
turns out it wasn't funny, because you queefed and then got embarrassed about it, deciding to just do this some other day.
nice going...loser.
nagi seishiro, kaiser, sunarin, chifuyu, + ur favs
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© starreo 2023. do not copy, translate or repost .
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splitontendo · 24 days
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silly bf texts
ft seijoh boys <3 (oikawa t. iwaizumi h. matsukawa i. hanamaki t. and kyotani k.)
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leti666bigboss · 1 year
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part 1
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featuring: kuroo tetsuro, kozume kenma, yamamoto taketora, yaku morisuke, haiba lev, suna rintaro, the miya twins, terushima yuuji
genre: crack
warnings: terushima's might be just a liiiiiitle bit suggestive
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rishiguro · 1 year
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HAIKYUU CHARACTERS AND THE FUNNY INSULTS THEY’D USE
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“your birth certificate was a waste of paper”
TSUKISHIMA. iwaizumi. matsukawa. daichi. YAKU.
“somewhere on this world there’s a tree whose sole purpose is to replace the oxygen you waste. go find that tree and apologize for being the stupidest person i’ve ever met”
oikawa. KUROO. sugawara. akaashi.
“bread can mold, what can you do?”
tsukishima. kenma. SUNA. hanamaki.
“your mother should have swallowed you”
suna. osamu. TANAKA. tendou. yamaguchi.
“you are the human version of period cramps”
bokuto. KIYOKO. sugawara. kita. SAEKO. atsumu.
“yeah? well you smell like hotdog water”
HINATA. yamamoto. nishinoya. kageyama.
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mangobursts · 1 year
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bonus:
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hynko · 9 months
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⋆.ೃ࿔*: HAIKYUU random texts :
pt. 2
pt 1 | m.list
GENRE: crack
TW: profanity
CHARACTERS: kags, ushi, terushima, sakusa, kogane, futakuchi,tsumu, kunimi, kyotani
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hotvinimon · 3 months
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Miya Osamu <3
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“Samu…Samu…Don’t look directly, but I can see your doppelganger… just behind you.”
You and your sweet, loving, handsome, onigiri man of a boyfriend were on a night date in the street of Shibuya. Osamu was busy in choosing what to eat first, while you took pictures. Suddenly you saw Osamu’s clown toghether with a curly haired, bitch-faced man, an orange head and an owl faced beefy boy.
To say that you were shocked would be an understatement. A guy… or I should say Samu’s clown was chatting with his friends just few meters behind your boyfriend, only his hair's more blonde, and his vibe's more... clownish.
“Doppelganger ??? what do you even me-” “CAN’T YOU FUCKING WHISPER ?? AND DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT. BE MORE SUBTLE.” you whisper yelled.
Suddenly the doppelganger looked in your direction and frowned comically and advanced towards you.
“OH MY GOSH, SAMUUUU, HE'S COMING... HE'S COMING THIS WAY!”
Samu quickly looked into the direction, and unlike you he was frowning ??? similarly like his doppelganger ??? what the heck was going on. Was there some kind of invisible mirror thing that you couldn’t see.
Even the doppelganger's buddies seem cool, like they're in on the joke.
The doppelganger was now, standing in front of you and looking at your boyfriend, like he was communicating with his eyes. Before anyone could say anything…
“OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD… CAN I TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU SIR ????”
All eyes are on you, but who cares? It's not every day you meet your boyfriend's mirror image.
“Oh.. of course cutie, are you a fan ??”
“Well, I’m a human but I’ve never seen my boyfriend’s clown my entire life.” you giggled like a kid.
“DON’T DO THAT”. That ‘DOPPELGANGER’ yelled at your boyfriend.
“I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING.”
“YOU ARE MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT HER. LIKE YOU MAKE AT FOOD.”
“I AM NOT.”
“YES YOU ARE”
All you could hear for next fifteen minutes was funny curse words and skin slapping sounds. Meanwhile, the curly-haired dude shoots you a concerned look.
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“Ohhhh… so you are his big brother. Nice to meet you Tsum, I’m y/n, Samu’s s/o.”
Unlike your fictional brain, the ‘DOPPELGANGER’ turned out to be your boyfriend’s twin brother.
“Nice to meet you too y/n/n” Atsumu showed his signature smirk.
“IT’S MIYA TO YOU AND IT’S Y/L/N TO YOU.”
"WHAT THE HECK, BASTARD? AM I SOME GIRLFRIEND STEALER?"
"MORE LIKE AN UNINVITED DATE CRASHER."
"AT LEAST I'M EYE CANDY."
"YEAH, WELL, MOM LIKES ME MORE."
More insults fly, more slaps echo, and the furniture starts to question its life choices. Meeting your boyfriend's twin? Not too shabby after all.
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Keys -
y/n - your name
s/o - sgnificant other
y/n/n - your nick name
y/l/n - your last name
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Requests are open
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hmperil · 11 months
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hii i rlly love ur works. can i request how the haikyuu boys would act when their jealous? please include ushijima!
! haikyuu boys being jealous !
includes : ushijima , bokuto , tsukishima
(a/n) thank you so much , of course ! feel free to request anytime because it really helps with ideas and motivation. have a lovely day ! <3
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bokuto : I feel like he would go full emo mode, would march up to his (s/o) and the guy she was talking to and wrap his arms around her waist and just *intense pouting* , wouldn't stop holding his (s/o) for the whole day because he was scared he was going to loose her. took him a lot of convincing him that it was just a friend and that she only loved him to get him out of emo mode .
ushijima : wouldn't be able to notice his jealousy at the start but as he gets more and more jealous everyone around him would be able to see that seething look of anger on his face . except his (s/o) who is completely oblivious and just keeps on talking to her friend, who slowly backs away as he sees ushijima come closer, she stares at her friend blankly in confusion until she looks back and sees her bf who simply puts his arm around her dragging her away . would be quite hard to calm him down, takes a lot of hugs and words of reassurance.
tsukishima : would refuse to admit he was jealous and just stare daggers at the guy his (s/o) was talking to. even after would bully the guy endlessly. surprisingly wouldn't be salty towards his (s/o) that day cause in the back of his mind he was worried she would find someone better than him, like ushijima tsukishima would take a lot of reassurance that she only loved him.
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(a/n) I wrote his as fem reader but if you would like it as gn (s/o) I can rewrite it and post it again with different pronouns !
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tobxiyu · 5 months
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✶ BF TEXTS !
featuring. kita, osamu, oikawa, sakusa and sugawara.
fluff , crack | established relationship | another post bc im in a good mood :)
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izvmimi · 6 months
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cw: minors dni. no actual smut but like a lot of allusion to sex. minor violence. this is definitely a crackfic.
There are few things you remember from the house party you had last night, but a few things are certain - one, you and Atsumu fucked, two, you and Atsumu really fucked, the type of sweaty, passionate and nasty fucking that you’ve been hoping to do since you first got to flirting and cheeky banter, and three, you’re still slightly hungover, having stumbled out of his apartment to get to work before he even woke the next morning. He was cute even slumbering, you remember, smiling as you start to recount some of the most savory parts of last night's session, toes practically curling in your heels as you stack up your papers to pack up for home. Your work day came to a close sooner than you could imagine, and Atsumu has already invited you on another date for this evening, this time at one of the nicest places in town. Perks of dating a professional athlete, of course.
There’s just one thing you have to make sure you take care of first, and that is, retrieve a pair of scarlet lace panties, likely on his bedroom floor. You’d been mortified at first when you realized you couldn't find them, but somehow throughout the course of the day your friends convinced you that it was sexy more than anything to leave them behind for someone who was that into you. You had to admit that it was odd that Atsumu made no mention of them in your texts, but when you make it there before you head out to dinner together, you could make use of the flirty exchanges practiced in your head.
Atsumu is out, sneaking in a 1 hour training session and a couple mile jog when he gets a text.
Where are you right now?
It’s not from you, but from Kiyoomi’s girlfriend, rather. This surprises him enough to skid to a quick stop. He remembers cleaning the house properly before leaving, but sometimes Sakusa can be really particular, even if his partner has managed to convince him to be less meticulous over time. There shouldn't be a problem with the post-party cleanup. 
But Kiyoomi can just text him whenever he wants; he doesn’t have to go through her. Atsumu scratches his head but texts her back.
Jogging? He texts. What’s up?
Honestly, you should just keep doing that until Omi calms down because if he sees you, you’re dead.
Atsumu looks up and he’s already just a few feet from their apartment. He scoffs, then slips his phone back in his pocket. She’s known to be dramatic anyway and he’s still sweaty and has a date to prepare for in a little over a half hour anyway. He jogs up the stairs, congratulating himself on his pump, knowing his arms and shoulders will look extra good in his fit later on today.
As soon as he makes it just two steps from the front of the door, it swings wide open, enough that the handle opens and hits the opposite wall with a crack and his seething, red-faced roommate grabs him by the collar. 
“What the-”
“WHOSE ARE THESE?!”
Kiyoomi is far stronger than he looks, and in Atsumu’s confusion he lets out a yelp, as Kiyoomi practically lifts him off the ground and thrusts a pair of soiled panties in his face, enough to make him sputter in shock. When he finally lets go, Atsumu swatting at him, the bottle blond stumbles back and he can see Kiyoomi’s partner slip into view behind his roommate from the door, her face in a frown and arms crossed over her chest. The sight of her pisses him off more.
“I did tell you to take another lap,” she murmurs. Atsumu glares at her, but his attention shifts back to Kiyoomi who throws the burgundy garment back at him.
"Whose fucking panties are these?!"
“I don’t know where these are from man?!” Atsumu yells, throwing them back. Sakusa dodges, then bucks at him, fists up before his girlfriend shrieks his name and grabs hold of his arm, begging him to relax.
“Stop!”
Sakusa whips around quickly to glare at her as well and she frowns. 
“What do you mean, stop!? You just chewed me out for nearly half an hour and now you’re acting like I’m unreasonable???”
She pouts, embarrassed, but then sighs. “Okay, how would you react if some random dude’s jockstrap was in my apartment? How am I supposed to guess it’s your roommate’s?”
“Who just wears jockstraps? What the hell are you talking about?”
“Don’t make fun of my analogies!”
Atsumu looks back and forth between the two of them, still confused, but then it clicks and his eyes widen.
“Oh…” he starts but Sakusa’s dark eyes snap back at him. 
“Don’t say oh like you don’t know what happened, I’ll knock your fucking teeth in,” he hisses. Atsumu reels but then flashes of what exactly happened last night run through his mind and it clicks.
He… didn’t take your intense makeout session into his room.
It wasn’t his room, it was Kiyoomi’s.
The dresser you leaned on while taking backshots? Not his. The mirror through which he watched your ass bounce up and down his cock? Also not his. The bedsheets you twisted and came over and over again on? Not his! He must have fucked you on every single surface… not one of them his.
“Fuck,” is all that he manages to make out. Sakusa glares, but by now he’s calmed down, and his girlfriend has managed to sheepishly rub his shoulder into calm behavior. 
“I’m getting a hotel tonight and you’re paying for it.” Sakusa turns on his heels, taking his girlfriend’s hand, and the door slams. Atsumu is left to look at a pair of scarlet panties sit forlornly in the corner. 
He has to admit. They are a sexy pair.
Atsumu meets you outside his apartment, just moments after Sakusa has sped off in his car, and he’s dressed but visibly distressed. You smile at him but notice his unrest.
“Hey.”
Your heart pounds. Maybe he didn’t think the panty drop-off was cute? 
He doesn’t seem upset though. He gives you a weak smile back, then pecks you on the cheek before handing you a parcel in a brown paper bag. Your stomach turns.
“I.. uh, think you left something last night,” he says in a small voice.
Shit.
“Yeah.. uh… sorry.”
The two of you stand in front of each other, bashfully. You let your hand run through your hair, then smile. 
“I thought it would be cute,” you start explaining before regretting it. Atsumu offers you yet another weak grin.
“It would have been… if uh, it were the right room.”
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merlucide · 1 month
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Incorrect quote pt2
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Y/N: We have to find my darling husband! I’m so worried about him..!
Friend: seriously, what do you see in that guy?
Y/N: He makes me laugh.
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This applies to:
(JJK) GOJO, itadori, inumaki,
(MHA) KAMINARI, MONOMA,
(KNY) SANEMI, INOSUKE,
(HQ) OIKAWA, KYOTANI, kageyama, tanaka, nishinoya, tsukishima, LEV, kenma, SUNA, ATSUMU, SAKUSA, HOSHIUMI
(BLLK) BACHIRA, isagi, RAICHI, nagi, RIN, SHIDOU, otoya, SENDOU, OLIVER, KAISER, CHARLES
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kiwanopie · 2 years
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Top 10 anime men who will lay pipe expeditiously. Haikyuu Edition. *Reupload*
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cw: piv, dirty talk, general adult themes. minors do not interact
Akaashi |Run Time: Within the first month| Not exactly a prude, just believes that being more intuned with your partner is necessary to satisfying sex. Plus he likes the build up between general interest and sexual tension. If we’re being honest, he’s probably been thinking of putting his hands all over you since the second date. But he’s courteous enough to let you know that he actually wants to get to know you first. Likes to call you after work during the talking stage just to ask you about your day. Invites you over on his off days to make sure you’re comfortable around him. But again, he’s been holding himself back for a while. And he’s not too coy for a little phone sex in the meantime. - But, boy does he completely lose it when you crawl into his lap during one of your hangout sessions. Your friends still don’t believe you when you introduce them to the guy that “fucked you within an inch of your life” before you officially started dating.
Iwaizumi |Run Time: Within the first few weeks| He likes to believe that the reason he doesn’t rush it is because he’s “old fashioned” and that he’s mature enough to understand that “it takes time for these kinds of things.” Whole time he’s just busy. Trust me, deep down he knows if he had it his way he’d have you folded over three ways to Sunday after the third date. But he has the physical health of like twelve overgrown toddlers to manage and the team moves around pretty often. So, it’s just quick coffee dates and video calls for a while. But trust me, the moment he has time on his hands you’re done for. I suggest clearing your schedule before you meet up! You’re gonna need some time to recover.
Oikawa |Run Time: Within two weeks| First week down though and you can see it physically hurts him that he’s not fucking you as soon as he wants to. Only reason he’s holding out though is because he actually likes you, so he doesn’t want you to think that’s the only thing he’s seeking out. - But you know that meme of that guy who looks like he’s this 🤏 close to having a stroke with all those veins on his face? Yeah. Soon as he knows you’re on the same page though he’s slutting himself out to you like his life depends on it. And he talks the nastiest shit. Will tell you everything he’s been wanting to do to you and then show you in frankly exemplary detail.
Hinata |Run Time: Within a week| To his credit, he’s the most unafraid to let you know how smitten he is with you from the jump. Gave you your phone back after putting his number in with his info under “Shoyo 💕❤️” and told you to call him if you’re looking for someone to treat you right. Literally told you the night you actually hooked up that you were only doing missionary to start off, and when you asked why he replied that you were “Too pretty to fuck in anything but,” With all the sweet talk he uses in the week leading up, you’re not wrong for being completely out of your depth when he fucks you like he hates your guts. But don’t worry, the love’s still there! You’re even prettier when he’s fucked the brains outta you <3
Kuroo |Run Time: Within the first couple of dates| Class traitor often forgets the line between courting a significant other and a sugar baby. Thought the best way to charm your pants off was to buy out the restaurant you’d have your first date at and surprise you with a birkin bag. Isn’t ashamed to let you know he gets off on watching you spend his money and when he’s booking a pent-suite for your third date it takes a very necessary pause during dinner to establish that 1.) Yes, he wants to be your boyfriend. No, he didn’t know that this wasn't the right way to do it. And 2.) He’s only been spending this much money because it’s the only thing stopping him from cumming in his pants the moment he gets within a foot of you. Weird guy. Rearranges your guts like no one’s business.
Bokuto |Run Time: The date after the first| He tries…so hard to hold out, he really does! It’s just god you’re so fucking sexy. Everything you do has his brain short circuiting and he’s starting to want you so bad that it’s making him itch. Your thighs are so squishy and your lips look so plump. Everything about you looks soft to the touch and since meeting you he hasn’t been able to blow a decent load without imagining it’s you squeezing him so tight. Really, the only reason he made it this far is ‘cause first date jitters are a bitch and at the very least he has the decency to let you know he likes you first. - But then you show up in this cute little dress that keeps riding up your thighs when you walk, and the way you pout as you try to pull it down has his head feeling all fuzzy. He tries to stay cordial as he opens the door for you to slide into his car, but the way you smile up at him as he closes it behind you has his resolve breaking into pieces. Lucky for him you’re perceptive enough to notice the literal dick print in his pants the moment he climbs in; and he lights up like a Christmas tree when you suggest a quickie before dinner. Spoiler alert: It won’t be a quickie. Get your refund back on that reservation, sis.
Atsumu |Run Time: The first date| You can’t blame the guy for being shamelessly attracted to you, can you? Who cares about old fashioned courting! It ain’t worth the money if you ain’t walking funny? - All jokes aside though, he’s a firm believer in if two consenting adults like each other enough, they should be able to fuck whenever and however they want. Doesn’t find you any less respectable for letting him put your legs behind your ears on the first date. Although that was after he’d already bent you over in his car, folded you over his kitchen counter, and had you leaving drool stains on his hallway area rug. Eh, you’ll plan your next date in the shower - little hard to talk though with your face pressed against the glass.
Matsukawa |Run Time: Scheduled a time and place for you to link before hand| Hey, if you wanna turn this thing into a relationship then he’s up for that too. But he’s not gonna stress himself trying to hold back from fucking your pretty little brains out. Soon as he gets the O.K. he’s picking a time and place and hightailing it over with no stops in between. And he’s not bullshiting when he says he’s gonna fuck you stupid. The guy digs you out like he’s trying to ruin you for anybody else. But it’s not entirely his fault! He gets sick of carrying that meat missle around too 😔
Hanamaki |Run Time: Straight up just asked if you’d let him| Hedonist to the max. And no shame either. The moment he gets the feeling that you might be sexually interested in him, he’s diving in with no goggles. I mean, obviously he cares about your interests and your pursuits in life; might even think you’re nice enough to take home to mom’s one day. But that’s not what his mind’s set on right now. Only thing in his head is if he should start with collapsed doggy or drill you in from the side just to get you drooling for him that much quicker. But hey, dick was so good you forgot he don’t got a job!
Honorable Mentions!
Sakusa (Surprisingly)| Comes off as a prude because he apparently has “High standards.” Can’t admit that if he finds you attractive enough, he’ll just straight up fuck you. |
Terushima |Likes to “Do you like my tongue ring?” Himself into some pussy.|
Sugawara | Plays the part of a good loving school teacher just looking for a companionship. Gives it up as soon as he sees you’re into him.|
Osamu | “m’not a scrub like my brother.” No, baby, you’re a whore.|
And finally number one…
Suna! |Run Time: Text him at 3:00am and he’ll be there by 3:05am| Standing at 6’3.2 and 176lbs, you have caught the affection of a man who truly believes that “a hole is a hole” once he’s found himself physically attracted to someone. That’s not to say that he’s particularly loose with what he’s got but if you’ll take it? Once hiked to your place in the middle of January with basketball shorts on ‘cause you sent him a “U up?” Text in the middle of the night. Woke up the next morning with a fever but god was that pussy worth it. Fucks like he’s trying to prove something so you’re in remission for the next couple of days afterwards. And then will have the nerve to wanna be the little spoon after the fact. - Tries not to look as elated as he is when you finally tie him down but with the way he turns your insides into mush the night following, you can tell he’s pretty excited to finally call himself your boyfriend.
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reblogs are appreciated 💕 ps, tumblr pls suck my balls? 🥺
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leti666bigboss · 1 year
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featuring: the majority of karasuno
genre: crack mainly
warnings: cussing
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iloveslllycatss · 1 year
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𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙙𝙚𝙮-𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙨 !
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“rin pleaseeee”
you had been begging suna for what seemed like an hour
“im sorry pretty but there’s absolutely no way I’m doing this”
……..
“RIN HELP I THINK IM GONNA FALL”
you struggled to hook your two legs onto the monkey bars, you two had gone to a park to achieve this as u called it, ‘iconic scene’. “why do I have to be mary jane?” your boyfriend says as he helps you hook your two legs, the rest of ur body dangling down. “because I’m spiderman, duh.” you said as if it was obvious, starting to see everything upside down.
suna had sighed to this, propping up the phone and started the recording. “okok cmere baby” he cups your face and closes the gap between you two. it truly was magical.. but after a couple seconds you break the kiss with a “okay im getting lightheaded help me get down”. but before suna can help you, you accidentally unhook you legs, falling onto the floor, head first. and instead of helping you up, your boyfriend starts LAUGHING.
“HEY STOP LAUGHING THIS ISNT FUNNY” you glare after standing back up, pouting somewhat offended… and then you get an idea.
….
“BABY CHILL DJDJFK” he says, half falling foreword but catching himself before he can.
…..
you had tackled him.
“I GOT YOU HOE” you laugh before almost falling off of him, clinging to him by wrapping your legs around his waist. “omg piggy back ride???”, he had started holding your legs to keep you from falling but as soon as you said that  he DROPS YOU ONTO THE FLOOR.
“holy SHIT RIN WHAT THE FUCK” you both laugh for a little, play fighting. until you both realize…
the phone was still recording.
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a/n: this is like my first fic.. it’s kinda booty but oh well SKSKSK
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@/ilovesillycats
please don’t copy my work😞
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splitontendo · 1 year
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HAIKYUU CHARACTER ON TWT!!
(tw) ft: yachi, yamaguchi, miya a, hanamaki, lev, semi, bokuto, kuroo, suna & kita.
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