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jocia92 · 3 years

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Dan Stevens, who grew up in Wales and south-east England, spent his summer holidays at the National Youth Theater at the age of 15, and he was drawn to the stage while studying English in Cambridge. Since his big breakthrough as Matthew Crawley in the hit series “Downton Abbey”, he has also repeatedly appeared in films such as “Inside Wikileaks - The Fifth Force”, “At Night in the Museum: The Secret Tomb” or “Beauty and the Beast” . Most recently, Stevens played the Russian Schnösel singer Lemtov in the Oscar-nominated comedy “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” from Netflix. At the beginning of June, the German film “Ich bin dein Mensch” by Maria Schrader celebrated at the Summer Berlinale Premiere, which starts on 1.7. comes to German cinemas regularly. Stevens plays the role of a love robot in it. Unlike on the screen, however, the 38-year-old prefers to speak English in the zoom-conducted interview. He chose a brick wall with a lion motif as the digital background. No allusion to the song “Lion of Love” from “Eurovision Song Contest”, but a photo of the famous Ishtar Gate in Berlin’s Pergamon Museum, where “I am your human” was filmed last summer.

Mr. Stevens, in your new film “I am your human” you play a humanoid robot that is entirely geared towards fulfilling the romantic needs of a skeptical scientist. You yourself recently described the film as “delightfully German”. How did you mean that?

I wanted to say that here pretty big questions - such as what actually makes a person or how much perfection love can take - are negotiated in a very light-footed, elegant and sometimes humorous way. In my experience that is a very German quality. At least I have often seen with many of my German colleagues and friends that they are very good at not discussing difficult issues exclusively deadly serious and melancholy.

Where does your personal connection to Germany and the German language come from?

My parents had friends who lived in Bielefeld and we used to visit them in North Rhine-Westphalia during the school holidays. Traveled from England by car! That’s how I learned a little German as a child, and later I learned it as a subject at school. I even did a short internship there through our friends in Bielefeld. I really love the language. Funnily enough, I was later able to use my knowledge of German professionally, because my first film was “Hilde”, in which I was next to Heike Makatsch played the British actor and director David Cameron, who was married to Hildegard Knef. After that, I always hoped that there might be another chance to speak German in front of the camera, because playing in a foreign language is an exciting challenge. When the chance arose to shoot “I am your person”, I could hardly believe my luck.

Did you know the director Maria Schrader who gave you this chance?

Funnily enough, when the script for the film landed on my table, I had just watched the Netflix series “Unorthodox”, which she directed. I had also watched a few episodes of “Deutschland 89”. In general, I knew that she was a great German actress, not least because friends who knew their way around the German theater scene often raved about her. Working with her was a joy now. Her understanding of actors is quite instinctive and brilliant. I have seldom seen someone who can help an actor who is having difficulties with a scene with such simple means.

The fact that you had already seen “Unorthodox” shows, of course, how quickly “I am your person” must have been implemented in the past year …

Oh yes, that was really quick. In March I was still in New York and was about to premiere a new play on Broadway. But then the pandemic came, everything was canceled and I flew back to my family in Los Angeles. A few weeks later, Maria and I met each other via Zoom - and shortly afterwards I was sitting outside in a café in the Berlin June sun for the first time in months to discuss the upcoming shoot with her. That was pretty surreal because I hadn’t actually left the house since March.

Is it correct that you oriented yourself to Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart to portray the romantically programmed robot Tom?

In any case, these were role models that Maria and I spoke about. When you think of the game between the two of them, you always see an enormous clarity and directness. Cary Grant, for example, was always quite funny, especially in his romantic roles, but also flawless in an almost artificial way from today’s perspective. I found that very suitable for a robot. Apart from the fact that the ideas that Tom and his algorithm have of romance and love are certainly also shaped by the classic romantic comedies from Hollywood. Oh, the woman is sad, so I’ll bring her flowers! Such automatisms from the stories from back then were very appropriate for Tom now.

Keyword role models: Who shaped you in your career as an actor?

There were of course many. Jimmy Stewart was certainly something of a role model. My mom and I watched a lot of his films when I was little and I was always impressed by the kind of sweet tragedy that went into all of his roles. But maybe Robin Williams’ work influenced me even more. I always found the incredible variety of his films remarkable. He could make his audience laugh hysterically like no other, but also move them to tears in other roles. I always wanted to emulate this range.

In fact, the range of your roles is enormous and ranges from the Disney blockbuster “Beauty and the Beast” to a comic adaptation in series format such as “Legion” to bulky independent films such as “Her Smell” or the horror thriller “The Rental “, Which we just released on DVD. Is there a method behind this diversity?

Not in principle. I like variety, but I’m not just looking for roles that are as different as possible from one another. Rather, there are always similar factors that I use to select my projects. Sometimes there is a certain director that I really want to work with. Or the role itself is irresistible because it presents me with acting challenges. And sometimes a script is just fantastically written and I am interested in the topics it is about. With “I am your person” it was definitely the latter, especially since the timing was just right. In 2020 there were so many societal questions that ultimately touched the core of human existence. Such a script, which deals with something very similar in a light-footed way, was just fitting.

A few years ago you said in a questionnaire from the British Guardians that your greatest weakness was not being able to make up your mind. So every time you are offered a role, do you ponder whether you should accept?

No, no, when a script appeals to me, it actually does it very quickly. It’s such a gut feeling. If I’m unsure and skeptical, that’s a good indicator that this is not the right thing for me. That with the difficulty in making decisions related rather to something else. For example, it takes me forever to order in a restaurant because I can never decide what on the menu appeals to me the most.

You became famous with the role of Matthew Crawley in the series "Downton Abbey”. Did you immediately suspect at the time that something big was going on?

At first we were all pretty clueless. There are really many British history series, and we were one of them. When the first season aired in the US and was a huge success there, it was pretty unexpected. I never expected the impact the series would have on my career.

Barely ten years later, are you still being asked about the role?

Oh yes, regularly. Probably nothing will change about that either. I got out after three seasons!

In the meantime, however, the flamboyant Russian singer Alexander Lemtov from “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” should also be a character with whom you will be immediately associated, right?

Right, it has been mentioned more and more recently when people recognize me on the street. This charming, silly film obviously had a nerve with the audience last year in the middle of the corona pandemic. Especially since the real Eurovision Song Contest had been canceled.

The film was the number one topic of conversation on the Internet for a while - and Lemtov GIFs and memes were everywhere. Did you follow that?

It was really hard to avoid it. I wasn’t looking specifically for what people were posting. But of course my friends passed a lot on to me, and there were already some very funny Lemtov things. But he’s also a figure made for GIFs.

Another question every British actor under 40 has to put up with these days: Would you like to become the next James Bond?

Oh, of course, everyone gets to hear this question again and again who meets certain criteria. But it is completely hypothetical. Although a few years ago I read in an audio book by Ian Fleming’s “Casino Royale”.

You mentioned earlier that you and your family have lived in the United States for a long time. How big is your homesickness?

I actually feel very comfortable in Los Angeles. But every now and then I miss the sidewalk culture of European cities. People on foot, street cafes, things like that. Last year the longing for it was particularly great, although it was of course clear to me that there was a state of emergency in Europe too. In any case, I found myself reading books that were set in Europe and made me homesick. Which is why the unexpected trip to Berlin was really a boon.

You are also an avid cricketer. That’s certainly difficult in Los Angeles, isn’t it?

There are quite a few cricket clubs here. The only problem is that the few people who do the sport here are so good at it that I have problems keeping up. That’s why I always lose sight of the matter here a little. Even as a pure TV viewer, it is not easy to stay on the ball, because of course there is no cricket broadcast here at prime time. But as soon as I’m home in England in the summer, I really want to play again!

#ich bin dein mensch #i'm your man #dan stevens #maria schrader #faz.net #interview #long post

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dustedmagazine · 3 years

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Music for Films, Vol. II: Chick Habit

For good and for ill, Quentin Tarantino’s movies have been strongly associated with postmodern pop culture — particularly by folks whose reactions to the word “postmodern” tend toward pursed lips and school-marmishly wagged fingers. There for a while, reading David Denby on Tarantino was similar to reading Michiko Kakutani on Thomas Pynchon: almost always the same review, the same complaints about characters lacking “psychological depth,” the same handwringing over an ostensible moral insipidness. Truth be told, Tarantino’s pranksome delight with flashy surfaces and stylistic flourishes that are ends in themselves gives tentative credence to some of the caviling. Critics have raised related concerns over the superficiality of Tarantino’s tendency toward stunt casting, especially his resurrections of aging actors relegated to the film industry’s commercial margins: John Travolta, Pam Grier, Robert Forster, David Carradine, Darryl Hannah, Don Johnson and so on. There might be a measure of cynicism in the accompanying cinematic nudging and winking, but it’s also the case that a number of the performances have been terrific.

The writer-director brings a similar sensibility to his sound-tracking choices, demonstrating the cooler-than-thou, deep-catalog knowledge of an obsessive crate-digger. Tarantino thematized that knowledge in his break-through feature, Reservoir Dogs (1992). Throughout the film, the characters tune in to Steven Wright deadpanning as the deejay of “K-Billy’s Super Sounds of the Seventies”; like the characters, the viewer transforms into a listener, treated to such fare as the George Baker Selection’s “Little Green Bag” (1970) and Harry Nilsson’s “Coconut” (1971). As with the above-mentioned actors, Tarantino has sifted pop culture’s castoffs and detritus, unearthing songs and delivering experiences of renewed value — and thereby proving the keenness of his instincts and aesthetic wit. “Listen to (or look at) this!” he seems to say, with his cockeyed, faux-incredulous grin. “Can you believe you were just going to throw this out?” And mostly, it works. If the Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a Feeling” (1974) has become a sort of semi-ironized accompaniment to hipsterish good times, that resonance has a lot more to do with Tim Roth, Harvey Keitel and Co. cruising L.A. in a hulking American sedan than with the Disney Co.’s Guardians of the Galaxy (2014).

In Death Proof (2007), Tarantino’s seventh film and unaccountably his least favorite, soundtrack and screen are both full to bursting with the flotsam and jetsam of “entertainment” conceived as an industry.

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In just the opening minutes, we see outmoded moviehouse announcements, complete with cigarette-burn cue dots; big posters of Brigitte Bardot from Les Bijoutiers du claire de lune (1958) and of Ralph Nelson’s Soldier Blue (1970) bedecking the apartment of Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier); the tee shirt worn by Shanna (Jordan Ladd), which bears the image of Tura Satana; and strutting under all of it are the brassy cadences of Jack Nitzsche’s “The Last Race,” taken from his soundtrack for the teensploitation flick Village of the Giants (1965). Bibs and bobs, bits and pieces of low- and middle-brow cinema are cut up and reconstructed into a fulsome swirl of signs. And there’s an unpleasant edge to it; the cuts are echoed by the action of the camera, which has been busily cleaving the bodies of the women on screen into fragments and parts. First the feet of Arlene (Vanessa Ferlito), propped up on a dashboard; then Julia, all ass and gams; then Arlene’s lower half again, chopped into slices by the stairs she dashes up (“I gotta take the world’s biggest fucking piss!”) and by the close-up that settles on her belly and pelvis, her hand shoved awkwardly into her crotch.

As often happens in Tarantino’s movies, furiously busy meta-discursive play collapses the images’ problematic content under multiple levels of reference and pastiche. The film is one half of Grindhouse (2007), Tarantino’s collaboration with his buddy Robert Rodriguez, an old-fashioned double-feature comprising the men’s love letters to the exploitation cinema of the 1960s and 1970s. In those thousands of movies — mondo, beach-cutie, nudie-cutie, women in prison, early slasher, rape-revenge, biker gang, chop-socky, Spaghetti Western and muscle-car-worship flicks (and we could add more subgenres to the list) — symbolic violence inflicted on women’s bodies was de rigueur, and frequently the principal draw. Tarantino shot Death Proof himself, so he is (more than usually) directly responsible for all the framing and focusing — and he’s far too canny a filmmaker not to know precisely what he’s doing with and to those bodies. The excessive, camera-mediated gashing and trimming is a knowing, perhaps deprecating nod to all that previous, gratuitous T&A. His sound-tracking choice of “The Last Race” metaphorically underscores the point: in Bert I. Gordon’s Village of the Giants, bikini-clad teens find and consume an experimental growth serum, which causes them to expand to massive proportions. Really big boobs, actual acres of ass. Get it?

Of course, all the implied japing and judging is deeply embedded in the film’s matrix of esoteric references and fleeting allusions. You’d have to be very well versed in the history of exploitation cinema to pick up on the indirect homage to Gordon’s goofy movie. But as in Reservoir Dogs, Tarantino doesn’t just gesture, he dramatizes, folding an authoritative geekdom into the action of Death Proof. In the set-up to Death Proof’s notorious car crash scene, Julia is on the phone, instructing one of her fellow deejays to play “Hold Tight!” (1966) by Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich. Don’t recognize the names? “For your information,” Julia snorts, Pete Townsend briefly considered abandoning the Who, and he thought about joining the now-obscure beat band, to make it “Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich & Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.”

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It’s among the most gruesomely violent sequences in Tarantino’s films (which do not run short on graphic bloodshed), and Julia receives its most spectacular punishment. Those legs and that rump, upon which the camera has lavished so much attention, are torn apart. Her right leg flips, flies and slaps the pavement, a hunk of suddenly flaccid meat. Again, Tarantino proves himself an adept arranger of image, sign and significance. Want to accuse him of fetishizing Julia’s legs? He’ll materialize the move, reducing the limb to a manipulable fragment, and he’ll invest the moment with all of the intrinsic violence of the fetish. He’ll even do you one better — he’ll make that violence visible. Want to watch? You better buckle up and hold tight.

Hold on a second. “Hold Tight”? The soundtrack has passed over from intertextual in-joke to cruel punchline. It doesn’t help that the song is so much fun, and that it’s fun watching the girls groove along to it, just before Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell) obliterates them, again and again and again. The awful insistence of the repetition is another set-up, establishing the film’s narrative logic: the repeated pattern and libidinal charge-and-release of Stuntman Mike’s vehicular predations. It is, indeed, “a sex thing,” as Sheriff Earl McGraw (Michael Parks) informs us in his cartoonish, redneck lawman’s drawl. Soon the sexually charged repetitions pile up: see Abernathy’s (Rosario Dawson) feet hanging out of Kim’s (Tracie Thom) 1972 Mustang, in a visual echo of Arlene’s, and of Julia’s. Then listen to Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) belt out some of Smith’s cover of “Baby It’s You” (1969), which we most recently heard 44 minutes before, as Julia danced ecstatically by the Texas Chili Bar’s jukebox. Then watch Abernathy as she sees Stuntman Mike’s tricked-out ’71 Nova, a vibrating hunk of metallic machismo — just like Arlene saw it, idling menacingly back in Austin, with another snatch of “Baby It’s You” wisping through that moment’s portent.

For a certain kind of viewer, the Nova’s low-slung, growling charms are hard to resist, as is the sleazy snarl of Willy DeVille’s “It’s So Easy” (1980; and we might note that Jack Nitzsche produced a couple of Mink DeVille’s early records, connecting another couple strands in the web) on the Nova’s car stereo. Those prospective pleasures raise the question of just who the film is for. That may seem obvious: the same folks — dudes, mostly — who find pleasure in exploitation movies like Vanishing Point (1971), Satan’s Sadists (1969) or The Big Doll House (1971). But there are a few other things to account for, like how Death Proof repeatedly passes the Bechdel Test, and how long those scenes of conversation among women go on, and on. Most notable is the eight-minute diner scene, a single take featuring Abernathy, Kim, Lee and Zoë (Zoë Bell, doing a cinematic rendition of her fabulous self, an instance of stunt casting that literalizes the “stunt” part). Among other things, the women discuss their careers in film, the merits of gun ownership and Kim and Zoë’s love of (you guessed it) car chase movies like Vanishing Point. One could read that as a liberatory move, a suggestion that cinema of all kinds is open to all comers. All that’s required is a willingness to watch. But watching the diner scene becomes increasing claustrophobic. The camera circles the women’s table incessantly, and on the periphery of the shot, sitting at the diner’s counter, is Stuntman Mike. The circling becomes predatory, the threat seems pervasive.

If you’ve seen the film, you know how that plays out: Zoë and Kim play “ship’s mast” on a white 1970 Dodge Challenger (the Vanishing Point car); Stuntman Mike shows up and terrorizes them mercilessly; but then Abernathy, Zoë and Kim chase him down and beat the living shit out of him, likely fatally. In another sharply conceived cinematic maneuver, Tarantino executes a climactic sequence that inverts the diner scene: the women surround Stuntman Mike, abject and pleading, and punch and kick him as he bounces from one of them to another. The camera zips from vantage to vantage within the circle, deliriously tracking the action. All the jump cuts intensify the violence, and they provide another contrast to the diner’s scene’s silky, unbroken shot. The sounds and the impact of the blows verge on slapstick, and our identification with the women makes it a giddily gross good time.

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So, an inversion seeks to undo repetition. Certainly, Stuntman Mike’s intent to repeat the car-crash-kill-thrill is undone, and predator becomes prey. But, as is inevitable with Tarantino’s cinema, there are complications, other echoes and patterns to suss out. For instance: as the women stride toward the wrecked Nova, while Stuntman Mike pathetically wails, the camera zooms in on their asses. Bad asses? Nice asses? What’s the right nomenclature? To make sure we can put the shot together with Julia’s first appearance in the film, Abernathy has hiked up her skirt, revealing a lot of leg. Repetition reasserts itself. In an exacerbating circumstance, Harvey Weinstein’s grubby fingerprints are smeared onto the film. Rodriguez’s Troublemaker Studios is credited with production of Grindhouse, but Dimension Films, a Weinstein Brothers company, handled distribution.

When the film cuts to its end titles, we hear April March’s “Chick Habit” (1995), with its spot-on lyric: “Hang up the chick habit / Hang it up, daddy / Or you’ll never get another fix.” And so on. Even here, where the girl-power vibe feels strongest (cue Abernathy burying a bootheel in Stuntman Mike’s face), there are echoes, patterns. Note how the striding bassline of “Chick Habit” strongly recalls the pulse beating through Nitzsche’s “The Last Race.” Note that March’s song is a cover, of “Laisse tomber les filles,” originally recorded by yé-yé girl France Gall. The song was penned by Serge Gainsbourg, pop provocateur and notorious womanizer. The two collaborated again, releasing “Les Sucettes,” a tune about a teeny-bopper who really likes sucking on lollipops, when Gall was barely 18; the accompanying scandal nearly torpedoed her career. Gall refused to ever sing another song by Gainsbourg, and disavowed her hits.

Again, that’s all deeply embedded, somewhere in the film’s complicated play of pop irony and double-entendre and the sudden explosions of delight and disgust that intermittently reveal and conceal. Again, you’d have to know your pop history really well to catch up with the complications, and Death Proof moves so fast that there’s always another reference or allusion demanding your attention as the cars growl and the blood spurts. Too many signs to track, too many signals to decipher — that’s the postmodern. But perhaps we have become too glib, assuming that all signs are somehow equivalent. Death Proof insists otherwise. Much has been made of the film’s strange relation to digital filmmaking, of the sort that Rodriguez has made a career out of. Part of Grindhouse’s shtick is its goofball applications of CGI, all the scratches and skips and flaws that the filmmakers lovingly applied. They are digital effects, masquerading as damaged celluloid. Tarantino cut back against that grain, filming as much of the car chase’s maniacal stuntwork in meatspace as he safely could. Purposeful practical filmmaking, for a digitally enhanced cinematic experience, attempting to mimic the ways real film interacts with the physical environment and its manifold histories. Is that clever, or just more cultural clutter?

Amid all the clutter that crowds the characters onscreen, and their conversations in the film’s field of sound, it can be easy to lose track of the distinctions between appearances and the traces of the real bodies that worked to bring Death Proof to life. Which is why Tarantino’s inclusion of Bell is so crucial. She provides another inversion: Instead of masking her individual presence, doing stunts for other actresses in their clothes and hair (for Lucy Lawless in Xena: Warrior Princess, or for Uma Thurman in Tarantino’s Kill Bill films), Bell is herself, doing what she does best, projecting the technical elements of filmmaking — usually meant to bleed seamlessly into illusion — right onto the surface of the screen. And instead of allowing one group of girls to slip into a repeated pattern, bodies easily exchanged for other bodies, Bell’s presence and its implicit insistence on her particularity (who else can move like she does?) breaks up the superficial logic of cinema’s market for the feminine. She disrupts its chick habit. There’s only one woman like her.

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Jonathan Shaw

#music for films #chick habit #jonathan shaw #dusted magazine #death proof #quentin tarantino #reservoir dogs #grindhouse #Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick & Tich

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cookiedoughmeagain · 3 years

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Haven DVD Commentaries; 5.22 - A Matter of Time

Commentary with Joshua Brandon (writer for the last episode), Brain Millikin (writer for this episode) and Colin Ferguson (who plays William and directed 5.20)

BM: This was written really as one big two hour episode with 5.21. We did that a bunch of times this year and I think it does feel that way. In a perfect world they would have maybe aired in a two hour block, because this is the most two-partery episode we’ve done all season long. CF: It does feel that way. And I like how in this episode, in every plot line there is someone who’s stuck. Stuck in the fence, stuck in the cave and stuck to a chair. BM: Yes, well that was an edict going into this episode, we needed this one particularly to be a bottle episode. Which for those who are unaware, that is when you spend as much as possible, if not the entire time shooting the episode, on your stage. We typically do it to save time, maybe save some money. Or you’re just gearing up for a bigger episode down the road. It can be a challenge, because on the one hand you’ve just got a lot of people stuck in a room. But the opportunity is really high for some longer stronger scenes and interactions between the characters. It becomes a bit more like a play than an epiosde of a TV show. CF: And when you’re a guest star coming in, your job as a supporting actor is to support the other actors. Now at this point in the season, 21 episodes in, Lucas is tired, Emily is tired, everyone’s just burnt. So I come in and I have to know my lines, and we ended up shooting all of my coverage for the epiosde in about an hour and a half at the tail end of one day. JB: Wow. CF: Anything in this direction [the camera facing towards William in the cave] we did in about an hour and a half, because we spent so much time the other way, with the thinny when it appears and all the other stuff that’s happening. There’s so much more movement there that took the lion’s share. And then turn around and hose down Colin. BM: That is unbelievable. Because that’s like ten pages of dialogue! CF: It was a lot BM: Oh my gosh.

BM: I can’t go any further without giving props to Steven Wright our costume designer - I love Emily’s coat. Emily has had exceptional coat game over the course of the series.

[As Audrey and Duke discover Hailie stuck in the fence] CF: Wow! That’s disgusting when you see it there BM: You know, that was somethign that we talked about for a long time. Number one, in the bottle episode way that we had to shape this, we knew that although we had all these outdoor scenes that we needed to keep them contained pretty much to one place. So that we could shoot as quickly as possible. But at the same time we had the season laid out and we knew the tent poles of the story that we had to hit. We knew by the end of this episode that Duke needed to kill her and take her Trouble, and it was going to be a big deal that he would be taking a Trouble now sort of willingly, to use it. And that was going to start him on a much darker path for the rest of the season. So we just needed to try and dramatise that as best as possible. And it just made sense, given how we had already set up Hailie’s mom dying in the same way - becuase all Troubles have a down side, and hers gave out on her at the exact time she needed it most, when she was passing through a fence. So we were watching a cut of that episode [about Barbara] and we figured the same thing should happen with Hailie. And it winds up telling a story about repeating what’s happened before. The sins of the father, destiny, all that stuff. CF: And a great performance by Tamara [as Hailie] too. That sort of squeal that she had there was not over done. It was gross. JB: She was great. And right from the beginning when she was cast in 5.15, as soon as they started seeing the dailies come in, we were all thinking that if there was a way to bring her back then we should, because she was really terrific. BM: Yes and she did not have an easy job on this one. She spent an entire day standing in this - I think painful - rig, with that fence going half into her. And she couldn’t move. CF: And the issue with that is you can’t go to the bathroom. Or, you can but it’s a time suck, you know if it takes 20 minutes to get out of the thing and 20 minutes to get back in again. BM: Yeah. But the fence was also sort of a practical thing, in that we needed her to be in a situation where she’s probably going to die, but where we could still talk to her. So she couldn’t be cut in half or something. So the fence was just kind of, logical really. And we had looked into some real life accidents where people have been impaled and this idea that the shock means you don’t really feel it, at least for a little while - and that was important because she needed to be able to have a conversation and not just be screaming in pain. JB: And also knife victims; leaving the knife in can prevent you from bleeding out. CF: By the way that fence was built by production, it was not an existing part of the location.

[Dave about to get hypnotised] BM: So this side of the story was probably the most important one. This was the other big tent pole that we knew coming into this was that this was going to be John [who plays Dave] Dunsworth’s last episode. John is fantastic, but we were losing him to another show already, and we had always intended that as we got towards the end game of the season that we would see some of our characters lose their lives. It just felt that with the stakes as high as they are, it wouldn’t really be realistic that everyone would make it through. So it just made sense given the story we were telling, that it would be Dave. But we had some problems because we knew that he was going to be tied up for the whole episode. Because it’s a bottle episode but also because last time we left him untied up he started killing people. So we needed our other characters to be smart enough to tie him up, but we also needed him to have a story that took him beyond just sitting there. So that’s where this whole ‘mind palace’ experience wound up coming from. And the same thing with what’s happening here [Vince and Dwight realising they’ve lost time]. We’d never really leaned into the lost time of it all, it happened on a couple of occasions, but knowing that we were going to dispatch with it this episode, we figured this should be one where we really kind of go crazy with some lost time stuff. I think it wound up really working well, because it gave Adam and Richard [as Dwight and Vince] a lot to play with. Again, as a bottle episode, just standing in the room.

CF: That wide shot of the cave is amazing; it makes the room look significantly bigger than it actually is. That first shot that started the scene. The room was not that big, it was probably only maybe 20 feet square. BM: Wow. You two were terrific in these scene. I wish we could have done more. But we knew we only had you for two episodes CF: Yes, I was contractually on other things before and after BM: Yeah, so we knew where we were going with Nathan and William throughout. We all really liked William, and sort of understood where he was coming from, in a good way. I think all good Bad Guys, you can kind of relate to how they wound up the way they did CF: And you guys did a great job of that, through and through, of making the reasons why he’s doing it real, and defensible. JB: The original title of this episode, I think, as “A Fool For Love” BM: That’s correct. I was like; I love that title, let’s use it - why do I love it so much? And then realised, it’s the title of an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Which I love that episode, it was the one that was all about Spike, also about their bad guy and getting to know what’s the matter with him. So if I’d had my way, we would have had more of Nathan and William in this cave. I think originally they were going to be stuck in there for a whole act CF: Oh wow BM: You were going to be running around, there was more stuff outside. A lot of that got pushed into about two minutes of episode 5.21

CF: I came up to Halifax for this with my girlfriend and my son, first time I’d gone on location with them. So when I come home at the end of the day I’m handed a baby to take care of. So for me, I had a ton of dialogue to learn JB: That’s a lot CF: Well you’re learning, your’e learning how to do it. It’s just a life thing that you deal with. BM: Well and you had just directed the previous episode a couple days before hand, right? How much time did you have off between directing and then having to sit in a cave for a day? CF: About ten hours. JB: Wow BM: Wow.

BM: It was a bit of a chllange this episode because we had three story lines, or four if you think about Dave in his own mind. And we’re just cutting between them all, they basically each get one scene and act, is how it winds up working out. And each one, they’re still in the same place they were before. So we had been really worried at the script stage, that it was maybe going to feel a little too static. But I’m happy to say that you guys killed it. CF: Well and watching it now, Tamara does such a good job of that kind of Faustian moment, of; I’m going to ignore the consequences/oh no here are the consequences. And it’s so hard to make that likeable, because if you do it badly the audience is just going to be going; Well you knew it was coming, you idiot. But she actually pulls it off JB: She’s amazing BM: Yeah, it was a little bit like what happened with Lisa Hawkins in 5.21. We had set up this, well Matt McGuinness had felt that in season four and some previous seasons, we had ignored the reality of the situation a little bit. So he had wanted where possible to really have people just react the way that you and I would. So we felt that this was another example of that, that Hailie’s going to be pretty pissed off about what’s happened to her. And that if Duke came to her and asked for help, she’s not going to be like; Yeah I’m going to be a hero and do the bigger thing. Real people don’t do that, she would instead probably be pretty mad at him and blame him for what’s happened to her.

JB: I love what they did here with this mind palace stuff. We talked about this a lot when we were conceiving these episodes. And it should be no surprise that Brian and I are Star Trek fans, and there was a DS9 episode right towards the end, it wasn’t a great one, it was called Extreme Measures, and it was O’Brian and Bashir’s last adventure, and they wind up in a sort of a mind palace. And I was reading some behind the scenes stuff that they wanted to treat the set differently and have psychedelic images on the walls and really make it different from - Oh we ran out of time and money so we just re-used these sets. They couldn’t do that there because they had to play on a whole thing of; Oh it might be reality, it might not. We didn’t have that, so that’s why you’ve got the tree and the bike and everything. CF: The tree is the best one because as soon as that goes up you’ve got the iconography of being some place else. JB: Exactly, and we really got to play with that. BM: I would like to be able to say that I got the idea from DS9, but I took it from a Stephen King book, Dreamcatcher, which they made into a movie with Damian Lewis and his character spends a good chunk of the film in his own head. It’s visualised as a sort of library, he’s running around looking for books trying to find the right bit of information. And so like so many things we’ve done in the show, we try to pull from other Stephen King books, or the Stephen King universe, and that was another way we were able to do. I’m kind of surprise that it worked and we were able to sell it through - it was kind of a dicey thing. I think Sherlock helped us a lot too. JB: And John Dunsworth is so good in those scenes BM: Yes, which were not easy because he was just there by himself. He had to spend a day just wandering around the Haven Herald alone, and then the next scene he’s talking to a disembodied voice on a radio. Because we couldn’t yet reveal that Croatoan is William Shatner. CF: And on the day when you’re shooting stuff like that it’s always the script supervisor, way off camera, shouting out the lines, and you have to react like it’s coming from … wherever. It’s always a bit of an exercise. BM: And to make it worse, it was his last day on the show. Five years of work, and the big send off for him is that he gets to work by himself. CF: I was there for the send off, it was a lovely lunch and it was quite emotional. And everyone came down from the office, it was quite a send off. BM: That’s great. He’s been fantastic. JB: I really liked John, he was one of the first actors I got to talk to on the phone (becuase I never went up to Canada) but he was one of the first people I dealt with when I started here and he was just telling jokes and being hilarious. Really sweet guy. BM: Yeah it speaks super highly of him that I was - well I still am a nobody, but I certainly was a nobody when I was doing my first episode back in season two. And I was walking home through the parking lot, everyone else had already gone home, and this car comes peeling out of nowhere and starts doing doughnuts around me. Then he slams his breaks on, rolls down his window - I thought I was going to die, but it was John Dunsworth asking me if I had dinner plans, and we went and had some food. He’s a great guy.

BM: So this was something else that we knew we’d have to do at some point in this episode - 5.21 was Audrey and Duke coming back together again, and this episode was going to have to be a bit of of the shit hitting the fan. And she has to ask him to do the thing that he left town for, and that he doesn’t want to have to do. And she’s right. JB: Yeah and on some level Duke knows that. Because it’s all about destiny and that’s the vision he saw, and he can’t escape it - the worst thing he ever had to do was kill becuase Audrey told him to, and now he has to do it again. BM: It was a tough one. We at this point knew where Duke’s story was going, which also made us sad, for Duke. So all of this episode for him, was just about dealing with inevitability that he’s just kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place.

CF: I can’t believe that Duke and Audrey just left Hailie there on her own again to go and have another conversation BM: We got that note from the studio, and the way that we were able to get away with it, is that this episode takes place in real time. So she’s only there for about 42 minutes in total. Both of these episodes take place over the course of a couple hours; which is crazy when you think about it.

CF: You guys did a great job of making William’s appeals to Nathan logical. I find the biggest problem is when you get a scene where what you’re being asked to do, no one would do. Where there’s really thin logic that doesn’t really work and you’re supposed to pour your heart into it, but you’re just thinking; why would anyone do this? But with this I feel like I’m in the right. JB: Well it’s also not interesting otherwise. And Brian did such a good job with all that because, we do care for William. Even though he’s done these horrible things. And I think this episode is about him redeeming himself; in his own eyes as well as the audience’s. Because he’s been a fool for love, because he’s done things that he probably wouldn’t have done if he hadn’t felt so strongly for Mara. Who didn’t really care as much about him as he did for her. I think we’ve all been there. BM: I’ve been really attached to this idea that we ended up doing at the end of the episode, where Nathan’s wearing one of those rings around his neck, and we’ve spent a long time this season revealing what they were and what they could do for people like William and Mara. And I had really wanted to try to get to a place where Nathan could give one to Williiam. JB: Definitely. BM: That had been our goal - our stretch goal (if we can get there then great) - for the end of this episode. And there was a bit of push back, because Nathan had been wearing that ring around his neck since season two, and it had been his dad’s and Lucy’s and everything else. But I was just like; Nah, he should give it to William. But I think it wound up working, because it actually required William meeting him half way. JB: Yeah and he deserved it; he deserved to go home. I think that great line, I don’t remember exactly, but it’s like; You don’t deserve to die, I don’t know if they want you there, but you don’t deserve to stay here.

JB: In the cave scenes I also love the play on status, that Nathan is the one whose body is breaking down, he’s getting weaker and weaker, but William is the one pinned under the rock. So in theory William is at a disadvantage, but he’s just watching and he can wait it out if necessary. BM: Well that came out of necessity a bit, because originally they were both going to be in the cave but free, so they would fight for a bit and then get to a detente kind of a place. But enough people were like; That will never happen - they will fight until one of them dies. So it was like; OK, what about if one of them is trapped? So if William’s trapped, he’s smart, he’s a little Loki-ish, his biggest power is maybe his voice and he can break Nathan down that way.

[Vince with a gun pointed at Dave’s head] BM: Oh, so sad. JB: It is really sad, and this is what happens when a show goes on and you have to make big decisions, you don’t want to do it. I remember coming home and my wife was watching the show, the first half of the season, and she was saying; It’s getting dark - I don’t like where it’s going. And I couldn’t say anything, but in the back of my head I knew where it was going. But that’s the beauty of telling a story like this, is you get to have real consequences. You’ve got to make some sacrifices if the story is taking these dark turns. BM: I’m super happy that that voice mail bit with Dwight actually worked. It was an 11th hour save, because we were like; How are these guys ever going to figure out what the hell is going on? Because they keep having their memories wiped. I was like; Maybe Dwight gets a voice mail?? And everyone else was like; That’s a great idea! And I was; That’s a great idea???

BM: And we’re coming up on an Oprah Winfrey call back here [with Vince and Dave]. The first of many callbacks. This was just the idea that there’s some sort of untoward relationship or fascination with Oprah Winfrey that Vince and Dave both share. And that seemed like a good idea because we needed a litmus test to prove it was Dave, and a call back always works. JB: We never established what that was though, did we? BM: No. JB: We just know that it’s something between them. Duke knows about it too because he brings it up at the beginning of season four. BM: Exactly. You’d have to ask Gabrielle Stanton about that one. But it was the first of a few call backs that we tried to squeeze into this episode. Heavy shows up later on, and even Maddie Irons, we brought her back. We really start doing that a lot in this episode and the next few. We didn’t know whether this was going to be the end of the series or not, but regardless it was going to be a big season and we wanted to start looking back to the past a little bit. I think we varying degrees of success.

BM: So we knew that Dave was going to die at the end of the episode and that Croatoan was going to leave his body. But nobody wanted Dave to die in vain. We wanted him to have a hero moment. So we decided really early on, that he could do something to take away the lost time power that Croatoan has. Mostly because, as we tried to break what was happening in the following episodes, the fact that Croatoan could erase the memories at any point in time, made it completely impossible. So we realised we needed to get rid of that, and that gave us an opportunity to have Dave do something, which then beget the wall of clocks and his mission to go back into his mind palace here. But then again, if Dave *knew* he was going to die, that makes him less heroic, so we had to kind of do this whole dance were Dave was going to be spared. We had conversation after conversation for weeks about the levels of heroism - like, too heroic? not heroic enough? But you talk about all of that, and then it goes away when you watch John Dunsworth here because he is fantastic. And those two guys, their last two scenes together, all of those concerns just go by the way side.

CF: They got a sunny day for these scenes with Hailie, that’s great. There had been a lot of rain in the weeks before. JB: Yeah you wouldn’t really think this was shot shortly after the scenes with William and Nahtan in the woods. They got really lucky. BM: And we were just so lucky that Tamara was available to play Hailie. When we had here in 15 and 16 on that Duke side story, at that time we had not intended to bring her back. But we really liked her and found an opportunity, and now, I couldn’t imagine it any other way because Duke’s relationship with her in those episodes, that he started her Trouble and that he knew what happened with her mom - it all plays into what’s happening here. So it makes it so much better. And they were great. Unfortunately he has to kill her here - we talked for a long time about how to do it. There was this idea that he could snap her neck, but that felt kind of cruel, and so what we liked what this idea that he could kind of embrace her and pull her, so that he makes her injuries worse and that was what was kill her. But iti was the idea that he could hug her instead of some brutal thing. You know, he could have suffocated her or various things but that just felt too cruel. But they both sold it. JB: Beautifully directed moment too. BM: Yes. And unfortunately for Duke, and for Eric Balfour, he’s had to do a few really harrowing things like this to people over the course of the series. I think it’s because he started out the show as this kind of care-free, fun-loving guy, it just sort of makes sense with the nature of television that you start torturing people for season after season. But he does such a good job with it, that it was just only natural. He is as good at dealing with the dark things he’s had to do as any body.

CF: I’m happy that Emily’s walking better. I mean just standing there was an issue when we were shooting 5.20. BM: Even then you can see, we did start re-writing stuff so that she wouldn’t have to walk around as much. He can walk over to her, there just to be more running around in that story.

CF: By the way when you’re working with foam for days, everyone’s walking around on it, the ground gets completely crushed and pulverised into tiny little pieces, so its … your lungs aren’t happy by the end of it. Becuase it’s foam, it’s not meant to last more than a few days BM: That’s a great shot though. It looks great, worked out really well. CF: Yeah they do a great job as a crew, all the prep and getting the right lenses for that super wide angle - because it makes the scene to give it some scope.

[As Nathan takes a handful of aether] BM: So we always knew we were going to try and get to this point in the episode where Nathan was sort of forced to do waht William wanted him to do. And this moves them into a different tone of what’s going on between them.

JB: The controller crystal there, that was kind of modelled on the kryptonian crystals from the 1978 Superman movie CF: And that aether stains anything it touches. So we had to cover our hands with silicone barrier cream and just take it off immediately afterwards or it would stain permanently. BM: It’s funny there’s a bit of a vestige of previous versions of the script where your foot was stuck rather than your arm. So it was still in the script that William would cup the aether with both hands and then open them up again to reveal the balls spinning. And I realised after we shot it that was impractical now - but you did such a good job selling it. CF: Well we had a long discussion about how much pain I could show. Because if your arm is trapped by a boulder you’re going to be in pain, but if I leaned on that through a whole episode, that gets old. Because also Tamara would be doing something similar with Hailie’s story. So I sort of played that it was more numb, so that I could make the point of the scenes be the dialogue.

BM: For the longest time we didn’t have Heavy back, Robert Maillet, but he was such a good sport, he flew up just for the day. I think we got him on a break from The Strain. Really nice guy.

[William, about Duke and Mara; “I should kill you just for putting that image in my head”] *general agreement this is a great line* JB: We were talking about this section and wondering how William would react [to William learning about Mara using Duke] and I think all of us figured he’d be like; Yeah that sounds about right. As opposed to be upset or angry. CF: I did a few versions of that, some were more jokey but I can see why they didn’t get in because you can’t go too light there or the stakes go away BM: You guys really sold it. The idea of how Nathan gets through to William had always been, not that he would make some great argument and convince him, but that he would sort of challenge William, almost insult him so much that he finally got through to him. That felt the most realistic. CF: Well I take my hat off to you guys as the writers and Eric on the lighting, because when you’re reading a script thinking; Oh ok I’m trapped under fake boulders for an episode, … You’re thinking; This could be bad. But it doesn’t feel take.

[As Duke cuts his hand to let out the Trouble] JB: Can I just say, I’ve seen people do this on television a lot and it looks incredibly painful. CF: Yeah I cringe. If I had to cut myself, I wouldn’t use my palm. I’d use the back. JB: I’d be going for a pinprick, not dragging the knife right across my skind.

BM: So this is the place we wanted to get to where William is not a bad guy, not a good guy, somewhere in between. CF: Well and I like that you didn’t make him all of a sudden all like; *overly happy voice* Golly Gee, I’ve seen the light and I was wrong. You know he still has a bit of swagger where he’s just like; Get out of here JB: Yeah; Before I change my mind. Because I might. CF: Yeah. BM: It felt realistic for him. And in a strange way, I mean it’s a cliche, but him and Nathan wind up having more in common than perhaps either of them would care to admit. They are more similar characters. Nathan could have been William if the circumstances were different. JB: I love this too, this wasn’t quid-pro-quo, it was; “get out of here I’m letting you live” and then Nathan decides to hand over the ring. I really like that they don’t strike a bargain as such; it’s just two independent things that these characters decided to do for each other. CF: I like that moment, because I’m thinking William doesn’t get a lot of gifts. Birthdays, christmas, he’s not getting a lot of presents, so. BM: Yeah. And he’s spent a long time in the void.

BM: It’s funny William’s last words to Nathan there. We had always thought that he’d give us some clue that they could use in the next episodes. But then we shot the episode and coudln’t put the clue back in. He just gets a bit of advice - that it’s going to be bad - but it wasn’t really something we could call back to. Missed opportunity.

[Nathan; Where Hailie] JB: That very obliquely references the scene in 5.21 where Duke tells Nathan to talk to Charlotte, and Nathan says, I can’t, and Duke realises she’s dead. And now Nathan’s realising that Hailie is dead. BM: Wow. JB: You didn’t catch that the first time did you? BM: No. I wrote that, too.

[Vince saying goodbye to Dave] BM: So this was a scene we were looking forward to, in a sad dramatic kind of way. We knew that there needed to be a moment between these two. So we wanted Dwight to sign on to Dave’s plan early on, and then give Vince and Dave a moment, because this is their last scene together. And we just felt like we needed Dave to step up to the plate here. These guys have spent their entire lives protecting Haven and it’s secrets, and they’re in uncharted territory here but it’s like; Who are you really and what are you going to do? And we knew that Dave was going to step up in this episode and then Vince is going to do the same thing, pretty much, two episodes from now. It ends differently for Vince, but even going back to the pilot, these two had all of the secrets. And the idea had always been that eventually the show would catch up to them, and bring them along with it - like they would be swept up with it. CF: I love that idea that everything has a cost. That if you want to be the gatekeeper, or the holder of secrets, you’ve got to pay that bill at a certain point. JB: That’s a really sweet moment; Dave’s “Copy that big brother.” BM: Yeah I think we took that from some of the radio speak that Dave did in Roots, 2.05, when he was talking over the short wave radio. JB: That moment really gets me, where he smiles as he goes under BM: When I wrote this I originally imaged the exact same device as Men In Black, for some reason. But then we looked into it and it turns out that is what some people use for hypnosis, these little hand held strobing devices.

[Dave shouting at Croatoan] BM: John Dunsworth is great here. And again, it’s tough; he had to shoot all this by himself, just shouting at a disembodied voice. But you don’t even think about it, because that’s what John Dunsworth can do. JB: And you wouldn’t get many takes at this, either [Dave smashing up the clocks and the wall] BM: No. You can maybe tell, it might be a bit too obvious, but there’s a late addition to the scene here when Dave writes in his notebook, Because we needed everyone else to know that Croatoan’s plan is to go after Audrey, but there was really no way for them to know that. So we realised it was maybe one little last beat that Dave could do for them, something that he has figured out how to leave a message on himself. And that gave us a cool last beat of the episode. But it was literally added in I think a couple days before we started shooting. CF: John gave a really nice speech that day at lunch when he was retiring from the show. He was quite choked up about how much the show had meant to him. I think he said he didn’t appreciate this coming at this point in his life; having five years on a show and a huge extended family. BM: We got super lucky with both John and Richard. When we were casting the show we knew we were going to be shooting in Chester Nova Scotia, and we needed to cast Vince and Dave as pretty local guys. We didn’t want to have to be flying them in and out, we were hoping to find someone in the area. Those guys both lived a few miles away from where we were shooting, had both done tons of work, and they auditioned and got the job instantly. They were fantastic and everyone could not believe their luck. And they I think had only known each other a little bit, but had this incredible raport. John had lived right in the area forever; his family are like the Kennedy’s of Nova Scotia. CF: Oh yeah they’re everywhere BM: And Richard Donat built his house with his own hands out there in the woods, it’s remarkable, and has been there for decades. They’re both great guys, we were so lucky to have them.

[As Nathan Duke and Audrey discuss the controller crystol] BM: Thiis scene wound up being a bit more important than I think any of us really thought that it would. I thought it was just be funny if they talked about the fact they had no idea how to use this thing they just spent the last two episodes getting, and now they have no idea what to do with it JB: Yeah I think in an earlier draft it was more comedic BM: But this is the last time these three are really together again on the show. And certainly in slightly nicer circumstances. So it really wound up being about them appreciating that. The Three Musketeers together again. So it actually wound up being really moving. And coming right on the heels of what just happened with Dave; it’s pretty sad.

CF: And by the way just so you know, those aren’t the colours of real life. That house is not that yellow. The jeep is not quite that blue. Everything’s racheted up a little bit. I mean just a little; 10, 15%. I guess they were making the fall colours really punch because we’ve never really been in the fall before.

[Croatoan talking to Vince and Dwight via Dave’s body] BM: So this had been part of the plan from way back when; we knew that we would have Croatoan in Haven for the last four episodes of the season, so we knew that the end of this episode would have Croatoan pouring out of Dave. And there was a lot of talk about what that would look like. There were some people pushing for Dave’s body to explode, but that just felt cruel. So I’m so happy that he’s pouring out as this mist. And this made it a bit spookier because the next episode is about what is Croatoan? Because they don’t really know and i’ts not until the end of the next episode that we see that he now looks a lot like William Shatner. And here’s the note [on Dave’s arm] we were talking about that this wasn’t originally in here, and we added it really late. But I’m really happy that we did.

#haven syfy #haven dvd commentaries #5.22 - A Matter of Time

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The Lost World Rewrite

So, I recently watched the Lost World: Jurassic Park for the first time and all I gotta say is...

Yeah. So, in spite of the fact I feel that it would be Superfluous and self-aggrandizing, and a maturely written well thought out review would be a better use of my time, I decided to do a rewrite of the Lost World to make it a half-decent movie. I apologize to any fans of the film in advance. This is a rough Idea based on what could be done without completely throwing out the script. Here we go...

The film starts the same; little girl gets mauled by Compies on Isla Sorna

Cut to not Ian Malcolm; there is no Ian Malcolm in this film. There will never be Ian Malcolm in this film. Instead, we cut to Dr. Sarah Harding (played by Julianne Moore) who’s photographing a crocodile nesting. We learn a little bit about her from her assistant, Nick Van Owen (played by Vince Vaughn), namely that while her theories on Dinosaur young rearing are as on point as Alan Grant’s raptor research, she’s not so hot at rearing young herself. Case in point, she’s late for her daughter’s gymnastics performance.

Her daughter is of course Kelly Curtis played by Vanessa Lee Chester, who in this version will have a larger role and more developed personality. Kelly is Sarah’s adopted daughter and the two have been at a loss at what to do with one another since meeting. Kelly is the daughter of one of Sarah’s oldest friends who died while traveling and Sarah took her in. While their relationship isn’t horrible, it’s definitely awkward. Like when Sarah bursts through the gymnasium doors to see Kelly has completely finished her routine and the seat reserved for her has been given to someone else (maybe Michael Crichton or Steven Spielberg in a cameo?)

Later that night, Sarah is called by a mysterious voice on the phone, telling her to pack a suitcase and go outside. She does so and a black SUV pulls up. “Get in.” a man’s voice tells her.

“OK,” Sarah says, annoyed, “who are you people and what’s with the G-man routine?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call it a G-man routine.” says a familiar voice.

We pan over to reveal John Hammond (Richard Attenborough) sitting across from Sarah.

“Can I offer you a drink?” he asks.

The conversation is much the same as the movie with Ian Malcolm (Hammond explains Site B, tells Sarah about the JP incident, etc.). Only this time, there’s a big difference: InGen wants to cut ties with the Jurassic Park debacle and intends to let the Costa Rican Government fire bomb it. Hammond wants to get people onto the island and document the animals to drum up environmentalist support for turning it into a preserve and at least stave off the destruction until a humane solution can be found.

“How can I say no!?” Sarah says. A chance to photograph real Dinosaurs. Never in 65 million years did she think she’d get this chance.

The team she’ll be going to the island with includes herself, Hammond, Van Owen (“Nick’s the best person for the job” Sarah insists), equipment manager Eddie Carr (Richard Schiff), Dr. Robert Burke (Thomas F. Duffy) (“are we sure he’s not a country singer?” Sarah asked, eyeing the supposed paleontologist’s ten gallon hat and beard), celebrity big game hunter Roland Tembo (Pete Postlethwaite), and InGen executive Peter Ludlow, Hammond’s own nephew (“I made the mistake of trusting too many people last time,” Hammond said, “this time, I’m playing it close to the vest.”)

The team arrives on the Island, where Peter suggests setting up camp in a low clearing, much to Tembo’s chagrin (“that,” Tembo said, rolling his eyes, “is a game trail, Mr. Ludlow. Carnivores hunt on game trails. do you want to find dinosaurs or serve them lunch?”)

The group wanders through deep Jungle, Hammond and Ludlow being the slowest, one due to their age the other due to being a little on the wimpy side. As the journey goes on, it becomes apparent that there’s some friction between Peter and John, with Peter second guessing John every chance he gets and trying to act like the leader of the group.

They finally come across a family of stegosaur and we get that adorable pet the baby scene from the movie. Eddie is flabbergasted, Nick is taking pictures like crazy, Burke’s having a conniption, Hammond swells with pride, and we don’t really know what’s going through Peter and Tembo’s heads.

Something startles the Stegs (Tembo reached for his gun. “No!” Nick grabbed the barrel of Tembo’s gun.)

Nick fumed “An animal that hasn’t been seen in over a million years turns up and the only way you can express yourself is to kill it?” Tembo smiled. “Remember that chap about twenty years ago? I forget his name. Climbed Everest without any oxygen, came down nearly dead. When they asked him, they said why did you go up there to die? He said I didn't, I went up there to live.” (cryptic, no?)

“What could have set them off like that?” Wondered Burke. Roland, however, scented the air. “Smoke,” he said simply, pointing “coming from that way. They must have thought it was from a forest fire.”

The group rushes back to their camp, discovering the campfire burning. Eddie and Burke make to smother it. However, the camper door opens to reveal—

“I was gonna have dinner ready when you got back.” Kelly said.

Sarah and Kelly have an argument inside the camper, about how Sarah’s never there for her and how she just washed out of her gymnastics team (“I got bronze,” she said, “not that you’d know. You didn’t even stick around long enough for that part.”)

Kelly convinces Sarah she can stay. We cut to a scene of the group in jeeps, riding through grasslands in a heard of various Dinosaurs. Nick’s in the jeep with Tembo, Peter, and Hammond, while Sarah is with Kelly, Eddie, and Burke. (Tembo turned to Nick. “get in the outrigger. You're closing in on a parasaur.” “Parasaurolophus,” Nick corrected smugly.” “Whatever,” said Tembo, “The one with the big red horn! The pompadour! *Elvis!*”)

Nick climbs into the outrigger and begins to film the dinosaurs. In the other jeep, the group is trying to coax Eddie into their own outrigger.

“No way I’m getting into that thing,” Eddie said “not surrounded by dinosaurs.” “We’re gonna need better shots if we want to save these dinosaurs,” Sarah said, “and you’re the only one who knows how to work the equipment.” “So do you,” Eddie said, “Why not pull over and let me drive? I used to drive cabs for a living.” “I know how the use the camera.” Kelly said. Sarah stared at her. “You do?” “I was in AV club before gymnastics.”

The group snaps Kelly in and they begin their own filming process. For the first time in a long time, Kelly and Sarah seem to be having fun together.

After that moment of chipperness, we cut back to camp. (Roland nodded to Nick. “Tree hugger got a great shot of a Pachy... a pachy... oh, hell. One of those fatheads with the bald spot, Friar Tuck!”) Peter and Hammond are looking over a map. Peter insists that they should go to the abandoned worker village on the other side of the island, where they can find easy shelter and supplies (“IT runs on geothermal power, so it’ll still have power”). Hammond disagrees. (“Absolutely not,” Hammond said, “that part of the island has been overrun by Velociraptors.” Peter frowned “What’s that, veloc-o-?” “Velociraptor,” Burke said, “Carnivore, pack hunter. About two meters tall, long snout, binocular vision, strong, dextrous forearms, and killing claws on both feet.” “That doesn’t sound promising.” said Peter. “You should read Alan Grant’s latest paper on them,” said Burke, “It’s like he met one in real life!”)

Meanwhile, Roland Tembo is now kneeling, looking at a track.

“Come take a look at this.” he says. Everyone gathers around. “do you know what this is?” he asks. Sarah’s eyes grew wide. “We have to leave.” she said. “Why?” asked Kelly. “That’s a T-Rex track!” Burke said. “A T-Rex!” Eddie looked as if he was about to break for the beach and try to swim home. “That’s impossible!” said Hammond “the satellite photos showed that the Rex territory is nowhere near here.”

The group decides to risk staying in the area. Later that night, Kelly hears a noise. Curious, she goes outside to investigate. In the moonlight, she sees a team of unknown men in night vision goggles capturing the dinosaurs that they had been filming earlier that day. As the drive off, Kelly grabs onto the back of one of the trailers to follow them.

We cut back to Sarah’s tent. She’s asleep, not having been roused by her daughter’s departure. But she is roused by what sounds like deep breathing outside. She surreptitiously looks around and sees a massive snout sticking into her tent. It’s the Tyrannosaur!

Just then, Peter Ludlow comes out of his tent with a roll of toilet paper, but upon seeing the dinosaur lets out a scream that wakes the whole camp. The rex turns and bellows at him, trashing their camp all the while in a show of dominance. Soon, the whole group is running through the forest. Hammond is almost eaten by the thing if not for Tembo’s intervention.

Soon, however, the groups are separated from one another. Hammond slips down a river bank into a ravine, Peter just up and vanishes, and Sarah, Van Owen, Tembo, Burk, and Eddie run behind a waterfall with the rex in pursuit. The dinosaur, unable to follow, gives one last roar of anger and leaves. Out of all the people, however, Tembo looks the least scared. He looks…thrilled, actually.

Meanwhile, we cut away to Hammond. He rises (roughly) shaking away the delirium. He looks around, wondering where his party got off to. The T-Rex’s roar is heard in the distance. Better find the others, he thinks. He begins to follow the river; if the group has any sense, they’ll make a new camp on the water. But then he hears a noise and looks down. It’s a Compy.

We get a very similar scene to Dieter Stark’s (Peter Stormare’s) death in the movie (which was based off of John Hammond’s in the first book) with one or two caveats. First, we don’t cut away in the middle. We maintain the scene and the suspense as long as possible (with Compys popping out of the woodwork the more Hammond tries to get away from them). The second…

There was a sound of rifle fire. The Compys scattered and Hammond felt himself pulled up from the shallow water, finally able to breathe. “Tembo,” he coughed.

“If you have any more suicidal ideas,” said Tembo, “keep em to yourself.”

Cut back to Sarah’s group as Hammond and Tembo rejoin them.

“Has anyone seen Kelly?” Sarah asked, worried.

“I think I saw her run in the same direction as Ludlow,” said Tembo.

“Hopefully, they’ll be safe once they leave the Rex’s territory.” said Burke.

“Don’t bet on it,” said Sarah, “Tyrannosaurs have the second largest proportional olfactory cavity of any creature in the fossil record.” “What’s the first?” asked Eddie. “Turkey vulture,” said Burke, as casually as someone would talk about the weather.

“Any idea where we are?” asked Eddie, desperately trying the change the subject. “Somewhere west of the worker village, I think,” said Nick, examining a map of the island (one of the few they managed to salvage from the camp) “It’d be an easy hike there.” “Maybe that’s where Kelly and Peter are,” said Sarah, turning to Hammond. “Yes, but if they did go there, they’re in grave danger.” said Hammond. “Velociraptors,” said Burke, trying to be helpful.

“Danger or not, we need a radio,” said Tembo, “that buck tore the hell out of our camp and I don’t think we can contact the mainland with smoke signals.” “How do you know the T-Rex was male?” asked Sarah.

Before Tembo can answer, a different roar is heard. A helicopter passed overhead.

“I thought you said we had a few weeks before they started razing the island?” Sarah said. “We do,” Hammond replied, “I don’t know what that helicopter’s doing her.” “It was headed towards the worker village,” said Tembo, “so, if we want to see what’s what, I think that’s where we’re headed.”

Cut to a scene of the group walking through the forest at night. Finally, they reach a vantage point overlooking the worker village…and it’s anything but abandoned.

More than three dozen people, some of them armed, are walking over the compound. Chain link fence ran the perimeter of the camp, newer than the rest of the camp. Tents, vehicles, mobile generators, the works.

Dozens of dinosaurs sit in cages, all bearing the same logo

“It says InGen on the side of that truck!” Eddie said. Everyone turned to look at Hammond. “I had no idea about this,” said Hammond, “why would I ask anyone to come here?” “I think I know who we should ask,” said Nick, pointing down at the camp.

It’s Peter, down in the camp, talking with the armed guards.

“What’s he doing down there?” asked Sarah. “I think,” Hammond said, sadness in his voice, “I’ve made the same mistake twice.” “Anybody seen Tembo?” asked Eddie.

Indeed, Tembo has disappeared.

Cut to Kelly, hiding in one of the trailers. She’d managed to evade her captors, but for how long she can continue to do so is up to debate. Stealthily, she creeps out of the trailer and around the camp over to one of the cages. She undoes the latch. She moves on to the next cage. Rinse and repeat.

Cut to inside one of the tents, Peter and several other people, all InGen personnel, stand around a card table where plans labeled ‘Jurassic Park San Diego’ are lain out.

“San Diego?” One man (a high ranking InGen worker) asked. “it’s already famous for its animal attractions,” said Peter, gesturing to plans on the table, “San Diego zoo... Sea World... The San Diego Chargers.”

“I don’t think John Hammond would have approved of having these animals on the mainland.” An InGen executive said.

Peter frowned. “Well, Hammond’s not in charge anymore. I am.” He turned to another man, this one a hunter by the look of him. “How’s the hunting going?”

“We’ve got plenty of plant eaters,” the hunter said, “some eggs. no raptors though. And our man hasn’t brought in the T-Rex like he said he would.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “What makes you think people want to see a bunch of veggiesaurs and eggs! They’re gonna want a T-Rex!”

“We’re trying, sir!” the hunter says, “but we haven’t seen any raptors since we got here!”

Suddenly, a worker bursts into the tent “The baby’s gone!” he said.

Almost as suddenly, a Triceratops bursts into the tent, smashing into the table and scattering the group. The camp is in chaos! Dinosaurs are running amuck. Vehicles overturned, people tossed into the air. But this is the chance Hammond’s group has been waiting for. They make their way down to the village in the bedlam, and make it into the main building of the worker’s village. Eddie manages to contact the mainland, and things are looking up. But then, we hear an ungodly moan from behind a nearby door. Slowly, Burke heads towards the door, picking up a nearby screwdriver to use as a weapon. He jerks the door open to reveal…

“Kelly!” Sarah cried. Kelly sat inside a broom closet, in her arms a baby T-Rex.

“They just left him tied to a stick out there,” said Kelly, “and I think his leg is broken.”

Despite the limited materials, the group sets to work splinting the baby’s leg. It’s pretty much the same as in the movie. Until the sound of a rifle cocking is heard behind them.

“I’ll be taking that rex now, Dr. Harding,” Roland Tembo said. Tembo has been on Ludlow’s payroll since the beginning. He was never here to protect the group. He’s here to hunt the T-Rex. He was the one who staked the baby out, to attract it’s parents.

Outside, the cacophony has died down. The Dinosaurs have mainly been recaptured. Hammond’s group has been brought before Ludlow, who looks at them condescendingly. “You really thought you were still CEO when you got here, Uncle John? I bought you out the day you asked for my help. We’ll still use the footage you took for our attractions, don’t worry.” “So, you’re going to reopen Jurassic Park then, is that it? Despite my warnings?” “No, not reopen. We’re moving these animals to the mainland so we don’t have to fly out here every time there’s a problem. You put us six million dollars in debt every day since you started making dinosaurs. It’s time to see good on that investment you promised. And the board agrees with me.”

InGen Exec: it’s nothing personal John. Why have a dinosaur and not use it?

“These are animals,” Sarah said, “they deserve respect”

“They’ll have the best of care.”

“And what if they break out! What then?”

Cut to part of Hammond’s team (Hammond, Sarah, and Kelly) being shoved into a trailer with the door locked behind them. Sarah tries to force the door open, to no avail. Kelly runs around, trying to open the windows. Hammond just sits down, despondent at the betrayal of his own family.

Sarah (trying to yank the door open): come on! You stupid…

A familiar roar is heard. A car flips past the window.

“What is it?” Hammond asked, “What’s going on?”

Sarah: I think things just got complicated.

The buck T-Rex from earlier has tracked the them to the Worker village and crashes through the fence. Suddenly, another roar is heard from the other side of the camp. It’s the female Rex, and she’s even more pissed than the male.

“There’s two of them!?” Sarah asked, incredulous. “We spared no expense,” Hammond said.

The rexes wreck the trailer the rest of Hammond’s team is in. Nick, Eddie, and Burke make a break for it. The female Rex sees them and gives chase. She and her mate bare down on them and soon capture Eddie, each taking one end in their jaws and pulling him apart for a snack.

Afterward we get a faceoff between Roland Tembo and the male rex (one that would have been really cool in the movie but we didn’t get it).

Tembo wastes two shot gun blasts on the rex. Out of ammo, he switches to tranquilizers, which finally manage to bring the beast down. The other rex is soon felled after. Subdued in special harnasses, the rexes are air lifted by helicopters to a boat waiting of the coast of Isla Sorna. All in all, the bad guys’ mission is a success. Well, Tembo wouldn’t say so. If you’d told him a year ago he’d get to hunt not one but two T-Rexes he would have kissed whoever told him that square on the mouth. But in the end, it had been so stupidly simple to catch them he just feels crapped on. Didn’t even get a trophy.

“You know, I remember the people who've helped me, Roland. There's a job for you at the park in San Diego if you want it.” Roland turns him down.

Cut to a group of hunters patrolling the tall grass outside the worker village. Suddenly, one of them is pulled under. A hunter a few feet away looks in his direction. “Manolo?” he asks. Another nearby hunter is pulled out of view. The hunters are starting to get scared. “Look alive, people.” one of them says. We hear a familiar coughing sound.

A velociraptor jumps out of the grass and mangles one of the hunters. Soon, pandemonium ensues. The crafty raptors had been evading the InGen hunters, watching them, waiting for the right moment. And with two dinosaur attacks in a row and both rexes out of the picture, now was the time to strike! (And there are no tails sticking up out of the grass cartoonishly! Raptors are supposed to be dangerous, not goofy).

Back at the camp, Roland runs towards the danger while Peter climbs aboard one of the waiting helicopters. “Get me out of here!” he cries.

The raptors swarm the camp. Roland manages to kill a few, but not before they massacre most of the InGen workers there. Tembo even has to watch Burke die in front of him. We get a scene where Hammond’s group escapes their trailer, Kelly defeats a velociraptor with gymnastics and the group plus Tembo manages to get onboard a helicopter.

The rest of the movie follows the actual TLW movie pretty closely with a few differences. Namely, there’s more than one dinosaur rampaging through San Diego, Tembo is helping the remaining team route the dinos back to the ship, we acknowledge the fact that the car they picked in the movie was due to reasons of masculinity, and Peter suffers a nervous breakdown when the dinosaurs break out of the ship’s hold and allows himself to be eaten by the baby rex out of guilt.

Roland fires a tranquilizer shot at the buck rex before it can clear the door. When that’s done, Sarah asks him what he’s going to hunt next.

“I believe I've spent enough time in the company of death.” he said.

We cut to Kelly and Sarah asleep on the couch while a TV plays news coverage of the boat being returned to Isla Sorna with a statement from John Hammond (once again CEO of InGen).

His speech is pretty much the same, ending with “as someone once told me, life finds a way.”

The final shot of the film is the rex family, the stegosaurs, all the dinosaurs back on Isla Sorna. Content as the Jurassic Park credits theme plays in the background.

So, what did you think? Like it, hate it? As always, I welcome feedback and comments!

#Jurassic Park #The Lost World #the lost world: jurassic park #Jurassic Park 2 #Jurassic Park II #Steven Spielberg #Rewrite #Re-Write #Dinosaurs #My Writing #Well Sort of #Fix It Fic #Sarah Harding #Roland Tembo #John Hammond #Kelly Curtis #Nick Van Owen

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youvebeenlivingfictional · 4 years

Text

Love Isn’t Always On Time Part Twenty Four

Previous Part | Next Part | Masterlist Notes: These next few chapters are gonna be kinda Steve-heavy due to the nature of the MCU Not beta-read Warnings: Uuuuh none Summary:    Steve had been in D.C. for nearly seven months; I got regular updates about him from Natasha, but he didn't know that. I was worried about him getting lonely while he was down there, had asked her to keep an eye out.

"Come on, please? Just for a weekend." My brows rose at the tone of voice, and I shifted the phone where it was cradled between my ear and shoulder. It was slow as hell at work -- one couple making out in the corner and a regular that I trusted to pour his own drinks from the bottle of Jack I'd left on the Formica-topped bar. I wasn't too far off from it anyway - close enough to make it look like I'd just set it aside to spiral a lemon peel if my boss stepped out of his office.

Steve had been in D.C. for nearly seven months; I got regular updates about him from Natasha, but he didn't know that. I was worried about him getting lonely while he was down there, had asked her to keep an eye out.

I liked Natasha. We'd known one another before I went back in time; she'd always told me I was in the wrong business. When I'd come back, I'd bonded with her and Hill more than I thought I ever would.

"I'm trying to get him to go out more," Natasha told me the last time we'd spoken, "But it's hard. He's got this little notebook he keeps of things people tell him he needs to look up. I'm pretty sure he's been spending all of his free time either working out or looking things up."

"Steve likes to be thorough."

"I bet he does." That flirty edge to her voice told me Steve had mentioned a thing or two about our past relationship. I ran my hand over my face, looking around the bar, as if there was someone or something there that needed my help to get me off of this call. I'd been dying to see Steve, but adamant with myself about giving him his space.

"Sounds an awful lot like you're begging me to come and see you," I finally said.

"I am."

There was a firmness in his voice that I hadn't heard from him in a long time. At least, not where I was concerned.

"I miss you," He added more quietly. I wasn't expecting that. In all of our other conversations, Steve had nothing but good things to say about D.C., the sparse details of the missions he was going on, the things he got to do and see, some fancy combat moves he'd learned while sparring with Natasha. I leaned against the bar, resting my hand on the phone and sighing.

"I miss you, too, Stevie."

"Then come see me. Drive down in that swish car Stark gave you and stay the weekend."

---

"You haven't been sleeping well," I observed when he opened the door. He pursed his lips.

"It hasn't even been a minute and you're already scolding me," Steve pulled me into a warm hug before I could say anything else. I leaned into it, sliding my arms up over those broad shoulders and letting myself curl against him.

"Come on," He urged me inside, an arm still around my waist as he led me into his apartment. I whistled, looking around.

"They set you up in a nice place," I commented, looking around.

"I like it. Three times as big as our old place," Steve reminded me.

"And not even half the size of the floor Stark set you up in," I teased.

"I went on a mission last night. That's why I look tired," Steve justified to me. I hummed in understanding, leaning against the arm of the couch and looking up at him.

"Everything go okay?"

"Fine. Fine, just. Natasha..." He trailed off, shaking his head, and I frowned, waiting for him to finish. When he left it at that, I sighed.

"Nat's a spy, Stevie. Not a soldier."

"You sound like her."

"I'm stating a fact. S.H.I.E.L.D isn't like the old days, we can't go back to that. Everything is different now. The way we treat our privacy is different, the way we fight wars is different. And with Loki, in New York? Thor? Gods, demi-gods, magic, whatever the fuck the Tesseract is? The world has changed."

Steve's lips were pressed into a thin line. Neither of us spoke right away.

"I thought Nat was kidding when she told me that not being in the game was driving you crazy," Steve said.

"You two talk about me?" I asked.

"About as much as you two talk about me," Steve retorted. I nodded. That was fair. "Why don't you talk to Fury about getting reinstated?" Steve asked. I snorted.

"That's not gonna happen, and you know it." I pushed myself off of the arm of the couch.

"We should go do something. What do you wanna do?" I asked.

"Could check out the exhibit." I knew exactly what he was talking about. I nodded.

"Let's go."

"I'll grab my jacket." "Still can't believe you haven't gone yet. It's been open for months. I hear Morita and Falsworth were at the opening," I said, leaning in Steve's doorway as he pulled his jacket on.

"They were. I saw them separately. I can still drink them under the table."

"Only because alcohol doesn't effect you. That is elder abuse, Rogers."

"Hey, I'm an elder. You wouldn't believe the look the ticket taker gave me when I asked for the senior discount at the movies last week." I snorted, grinning, and straightened up as Steve made to leave the apartment, baseball cap in hand.

"Hey, Steve."

We turned at the sound of a woman's voice, and I raised a brow at the sight of a pretty blonde in nurse's scrubs and a denim jacket. She cast me a smile, and I did my best to return it, even as my mind was racing.

"Hey, Sharon," Steve greeted.

She ducked into her apartment before introductions could be made. I could swear I had seen her before, but I couldn't place her. Steve must've taken my furrowed brow and staring at her door for simple confusion.

"My neighbor," Steve explained.

"I kinda got that when she opened the door to the apartment and went inside."

"Alright, smart-ass," Steve grumbled.

"We taking your bike?" I asked, tucking my hands into my pockets.

"We can, if that's what you want."

What I wanted was a good reason to hold on to Steve.

---

We took the bike.

--- "I still don't understand why they're exhibiting this in the Museum of Air and Space," I commented. Steve had surprised me by taking my hand in his as we walked toward the building.

"I mean, no offense, but the one time you flew a plane, it didn't go all that well," I added. Steve shot me a look from under his cap, and I couldn't help but snort.

" 'm just saying,' I mumbled.

I felt Steve tense as we drew closer to the exhibit. The words, 'Captain America: The Living Legend And Symbol of Courage' were in thick type at the entrance.

"If you wanna go at any point, we can," I offered. Steve nodded, giving my hand a squeeze as we walked inside.

"The story of Captain America is one of honor, bravery, and sacrifice."

Steve's shoulders were practically at his ears, head ducked like if he stood up straight, people would know him instantly. I didn't blame him- a baseball cap wasn't the most efficient method of cover.

Drifting through the exhibit with Steve's hand in mine made me think of the World's Fair, Bucky's last night in Brooklyn, and our last night as us.

"Hey," Steve said softly, squeezing my hand and drawing my attention to a photo. I turned to look at it, and I felt my jaw drop. I wandered closer to it, stunned at the sight of a picture of Steve and I. It was from behind the scenes on the bond tour.

I could tell from our positions - my face tipped up and grinning, lipstick smudged, his head bent toward me, hands cradling my face- that he'd just gotten through kissing me fairly thoroughly. The caption beneath the portrait said 'Captain Rogers with unidentified fan'.

"'Unidentified fan'," Steve read, brow furrowing.

"Well. I was a fan. Still am, in fact."

Steve lowered his voice, "Do you think that was... S.H.I.E.L.D's doing? Keeping your name out of things?"

"If they knew this was listed to be part of the exhibit, they never would've let it through. I did my best to keep my head down and my face out of the pictures back then. I guess this one slipped."

"This and that picture of you and Howard."

I hummed in agreement, nodding. Tony had gone through a few of his father's things, finding notes on Steve, me, Bucky, and a newspaper clipping from the World's Fair; a photo I barely remembered with me pulled into a grinning Howard's side; I'd looked like I'd seen a ghost.

"I used to think you were just camera shy. Especially when Bucky borrowed that one from Ernie, to take a picture of you before he was shipped off.”

My face went red at the memory, Bucky's careful cajoling as I had stripped down to my bullet bra, garter belt and tap pants ("You really think I'd ever let the guys see this?...Aw, baby, no, this is just for me...And maybe a copy for Stevie...Look at you, all flushed. So pretty for me, baby.")

"You okay?"

Steve's words broke me from my remembrance, and I raised my eyes to meet his. He had a small, mischievous smile and a twinkle in his eye.

"I'm fine. I was...Somewhere else."

"I think I know where that might've been," Steve teased, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"Shut up," I mumbled, ducking my head as if I could hide the blush Steve had already seen.

"Tell you what," He added, "I still have that picture."

"You do not."

"Do, too," Steve laughed.

We rounded a corned and both froze when we saw it. Bucky. A photo of his face, that stern moue of his mouth.

"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both school yard and battle field. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in the service of his country."

Just beside the display, old reels of footage showing Steve and Bucky pouring over maps, of the two of them side by side, laughing despite of where they were, what they were doing. I turned my head, resting my forehead against Steve's shoulder and closing my eyes for a moment. I missed Bucky every day, but that loss always felt little more poignant when I was with Steve. It wasn't fair that he and I were there and Bucky wasn't.

"Y'alright?" Steve asked. I lifted my head, swinging our hands between us and casting Bucky one more look before nodding.

"C'mon," I urged, "I wanna see if they have a bobble head of you in the gift shop."

---

"You seeing anyone?" I asked. Steve squirmed in his seat, eyes set on his fries. I'd waited until we were well into our meal to start politely grilling him. It wasn't going well.

"No," He said.

"Not even Natasha? You two seem pretty close." Steve shrugged his shoulders.

"We've been working together a lot."

"She's attractive, you're attractive--"

"Is that all it takes?"

"You two are very similar people," I finished, watching Steve, "You're both calculated, quick. I'm not saying being hot is a requirement but it doesn't hurt." Steve grunted, and I could tell it was a dead-end.

"What about that neighbor we ran into?" I prodded. Steve lifted his head, meeting my eyes.

"Have you been seeing anyone?" He asked.

"We're not talking about me."

"Well have you?" I held his gaze as he stared me down before I shook my head a little bit.

"No."

"Neither have I."

"Not even one date? One drink, one dance?"

"Nope."

"What are you waiting for, Steve?"

"Nothing. I've already met the right partner. I made the mistake of leaving her in New York." My stomach twisted, and I felt myself drawing away, slouching a little; it was my turn to look down at my fries.

"Nat's down here with you," I pointed out.

"It ain't Nat and you know it."

"Steve--"

"I have had... A lot of time to think," Steve said, "And Nat has spent a lot of time trying to set me up." I laughed, shaking my head and raising my eyes to meet his. Steve leaned forward, folding his arms and watching me.

"I haven't just woken up. I have spent time in the 21st century, and I've been doing it without you, and it's awful. If you don't feel the same, that's alright, I get it. I haven't been the best at keeping in touch--"

"You've been working things out. I was trying to give you your space, too."

"I don't want that much space."

"...So what do you want to do? Stay here in D.C.?"

"Work will keep me down here, probably. Headquarters is here." I nodded. Steve bit his lip, thinking.

"I ...Would you come down here?" He asked. He looked shy, nervous. I smiled.

"I think they've got bars down here. I could get a job."

"Wouldn't have to worry about an apartment," Steve added.

"Or a car," I smiled. Steve's shoulders relaxed for the first time since we left the museum. He took hold of my hand, raising it to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

"Fuck, I've missed you, doll," He sighed.

"Language, Rogers." Tag List: @gloryevans @redryderdesigns @winter-scolder @aactuaaltraash @secretagentben @staplerrrr @moli1497 @adayinmymeadow @allonszassbutt @mannls @witch-of-letters @niallssweetheart22 @uneniffler @rinthehufflepuff @panic-angel3314 @firstangeldragonranch @kaetastic @mcuwillbethedeathofme @skeletoresinthebasement @i-dont-know-what-im-doing-yay @kkaos15 @iiamnotoverlyfondofwhatfollows @bassclarinety @tomshelbystits @rvgrsbrns @marvelmenarebeautiful

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #stucky #stucky x reader #stucky x you #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #Love Isn't Always on Time

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fuckyeahgoodomens · 5 years

Link

Terry Pratchett: "There's a lot of Terry Pratchett in there," David Tennant said. You can find Pratchett's scarf and signature fedora hanging on a coat-and-hat rack in Aziraphale's bookshop.

"We never focus on it," said cinematographer Gavin Finney. "It's just there, and the camera goes past the hat and scarf. It was cool not to foreground it, but just to have it in the background."

An eagle eye might also spot a display of Pratchett's books as well. And a careful listener might hear a voice that sounds suspiciously like Pratchett's, although it's actually actor Paul Kaye. Kaye had previously played Pratchett in a documentary for the BBC, and so Gaiman and Mackinnon recruited Kaye to portray the author once again for a little voiceover work in Episode 4.

"There's a tiny scene where there is a radio conversation, and a guy who is supposed to be the PR guy for the nuclear power station is talking," Mackinnon told SYFY WIRE. They thought the voice should be Pratchett's, "because Terry used to be that very man," Mackinnon said, referring to the author's former career as a press office for the Central Electricity Governing Board in an area that covered four nuclear power stations.

Neil Gaiman: Pratchett and Gaiman had planned to do cameo roles together, appearing in the background while Aziraphale ate sushi in a restaurant (and Gabriel interrupted him) in Episode 1. "We would be eating all the sushi we wanted," Gaiman said. Without Pratchett to join him, Gaiman didn't feel quite right to appear in the sushi scene, so he asked Mackinnon to find him another part.

When they were talking about the movie theater scene in Episode 4, Mackinnon asked what sort of extras they should have in the background. "I said, 'We should have a couple making out in the back corner, and probably a drunk asleep,'" Gaiman recalled. "And an expression of pure joy grew on Douglas' face. And he said, 'I think we found your part.'"

"I said, 'An asleep drunk might just measure up to your acting ability,'" Mackinnon said with a laugh. (You can find Gaiman slouched in the front of the cinema.) The director cast the showrunner in another part — as the voices of the bunnies in the animation being screened at the cinema — so essentially Gaiman (as the drunk) is watching Gaiman (as the bunnies).

"All the noises of the bunnies are me," Gaiman said. "And I'm also the frog. When the animated head frog makes a weird little noise, that's me." Gaiman gets one more nod in the show. When unexpected visitors arrive at the U.S. airbase in Episode 5, the soldier at guard duty is reading American Gods.

Doctor Who: This might be one of the biggest areas of easter eggs, especially if you count the fact that Crowley is played by the Tenth Doctor, Aziraphale is played by House (from Gaiman's episode "The Doctor's Wife"), and the Metatron is played by the Master.

Beyond that, the rest are "all factored into the texture" of Good Omens, Tennant said. Adam's father Mr. Young drives a car with a license plate that reads "SID RAT" (TARDIS backwards). Mr. Young first addresses Crowley — again, the Tenth Doctor — as "Doctor" when he encounters the demon at the Satanic nuns' hospital, mistaking him for an OB/GYN in Episode 1. A child named Brian says "Exterminate!" when hanging with friends in Episode 4.

In that same episode, Crowley wonders where in the universe he might go, and one of the papers circulating around his head reads "Gallifrey." And an awkward character named Newton Pulsifer wears the Fourth Doctor's scarf as a necktie on his first day to work in Episode 2. "It's something a grown-up man might not do," costume designer Claire Anderson said. "But they thought the character would rather like Doctor Who."

Sherlock: Mackinnon, who had worked on Sherlock, was also eager to plant some easter eggs relating to the books and the show, although they might be the hard to spot (other than Sherlock co-creator Mark Gatiss, who appears during a World War II flashback, and Sherlock himself, Benedict Cumberbatch, who provides the voice of Satan).

In Episode 1, Crowley meets Aziraphale in a park, and then they walk out to Crowley's Bentley, parked in the street. In the background of the shot is the Diogenes Club, where Mycroft Holmes likes to hang. They then go to eat crepes at the Ritz (where they will return in Episode 6), but it's not quite the Ritz — it's actually the Criterion, which is famed in both Sherlock lore (as the place where Sherlock and Watson meet for the first time, in the books) and in behind-the-scenes Sherlock history.

"When Mark Gatiss, Steven Moffat, and Stephen Thompson signed up to do Sherlock, they went to the Criterion to celebrate," Mackinnon said. "But they never got to film there. We did. And so on the day we were filming there, I was texting them going, 'Guess where I'm filming!'"

Random bits: Richmal Crompton's Just William book series -- which inspired Good Omens -- appear in Aziraphale's bookshop. As a nod to Terry Gilliam, who once tried to do a movie version of Good Omens, Gaiman and Mackinnon threw in a little reference to Gilliam's origins doing animation for Monty Python.

"The license plate of Crowley's Bentley is 'Curtain' backwards," Gaiman said, because of the writing on the mausoleum in the suicidal leaves section of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. "Curtain backwards, like it's the final curtain," Mackinnon explained. The part of the Internal Express delivery man is played by Simon Merrells, who worked with Mackinnon on Knightfall, playing the character Tancrede. And so in the end credits, his character's name here is listed as Lesley Tancrede.

The Isle of Skye: Mackinnon is very proud of being from Scotland's Isle of Skye, and inserted references to his home area wherever he could. An Isle of Skye shop is near Aziraphale's Soho bookshop, called Skye Suits. Crowley's drink of choice to drown his sorrows in Episode 5 is the Isle of Skye's most famous brand, Talisker Whisky. When turning on the radio in his Bentley, Crowley hears the "Just a Minute" host present an upcoming topic, the Isle of Skye, before a demon hijacks the broadcast. And so on.

"There are so many more easter eggs that I don't think we could just casually list them all," Gaiman said. "But the lovely thing about all of these things is that you can miss them, and you won't mind.

Big thanks to @lavellington for showing me the link to the article. You have no idea how happy I am about knowing the explanation for Crowley’s Bentley plate!

#good omens #terry pratchett #neil gaiman #doctor who #sherlock #bentley #isle of skye #interview #bts #fun fact #NIAT RUC

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theseerasures · 4 years

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Frozen 2 Reaction Post

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this is 5000% because i don’t wanna do other stuff, but is it not poetic justice that i should come back to the tumbls for Frozen 2: Elsa Runs Away Some More

i’m gonna prologue this by saying that by and large i enjoyed the film tremendously; of course since this is 2019 i would have enjoyed anything that didn’t end with Elsa committing nonsensical war crimes before being put down like Old Yeller or pulling a no-homo to transcend time and space (that’s right, i’m hip enough to know about TWO of the biggest media fiascos this year, you jelly?), but the film was enjoyable even beyond that, mostly in how it affirmed my own opinions about the universe

HOWEVER, there were also huge problems that really have to be addressed, and we’re gonna start with those

cut for length and a truly immense amount of spoilers

things i didn’t like:

so the Iduna being Sami All Along thing was, um. bad! it was bad, and really reads like the team trying to cover their asses after the blowback from the first movie. why was it such a big deal for ~a Northuldran to love an Arendellian~ when Arendelle was 100% at fault in the conflict? were the spirits just like “oh the indigenous tribe that has cared for us and lived alongside us for centuries are fine i guess but OH LOOK the whitest among them just made googly eyes at the son of the guy who wants to colonize and enslave us, let’s root for those crazy kids and make their firstborn the avatar”

making Iduna a White Sami and leaning on the excuse that in real life the Sami people are linguistic and ethnically diverse and some of them can pass as white would have been fine if they didn’t EXPLICITLY RACIALIZE EVERY OTHER TRIBE MEMBER ON SCREEN. come on guys, just admit you liked Last Samurai but knew that that exact premise wouldn’t fly anymore

why couldn’t it be just a nice person who saved Agnar? why did we get yet another version of the old Pocahontas fetish?

why did Iduna being Northuldran REMAIN such a big deal to the point that she never told her kids about it and she and Agnar had to tell separate but equal bedtime stories about the same event??

whew i’m so glad this all happened so Elsa, the whitest non-anthropomorphic-snowman character in the movie, could save those savage natives with spears! They Needed Her Guidance

the songs this time mostly...felt like they didn’t really want this movie to be a musical but were contractually obligated to write songs for Disney until the heat death of the universe

case in point: Some Things Never Change was going for the Happily Ever After vibe that the Steven Universe movie had, but it...didn’t really feel earned. we obviously needed a place-setter song, but it didn’t really establish anything about what the characters have been up to or what might be still bothering them, because apparently everything is great! this worked for Steven Universe because it came off of five SEASONS of character development, but Elsa’s last big character revelation that we the audience saw was “wow guess i’m not the worst scum on earth after all.” the timeskip can only do so much, is what i’m saying

Kristoff got NOTHING to work with. i’m not like, horribly broken up about it since i know they had to keep it tight for the kids, but fucking OLAF got a heavier arc than he did, and it feels like a missed opportunity that they didn’t link HIS backstory to the Northuldrans, what with him being orphaned/abandoned/raised by trolls already set up. it doesn’t have to siphon into the White Savior main story at all, just have--i dunno, a few more scenes with the Northuldrans and him realizing that he’s probably descended from refugees who got cut off from the forest

the proposal thing was cute until i realized that they were going to just hit the same beats over and over again with each scene. it should have been resolved in act 1 instead of Kristoff disappearing for half the movie and then tacking on the proposal at the very end. not every subplot has to be stretched out to the end! in this case i feel like stretching it out actually REGRESSED aspects of Kristanna, since it relied on Anna misreading so many signals that it strained believability even for Anna. we’re supposed to think they’ve NEVER talked about this, despite having dated for 3 years and consistently trading off on being the most Extra person in the room?

the confirmation that Olaf’s fingers can wiggle will haunt my dreams

me when the stone giants interrupted Elsa’s conversation with Honeymaren: yOU COCKBLOCKERS

i find myself growing increasingly weary of the now token Disney Wink at Camera, and Elsa rolling her eyes and her past self doing Let It Go was probably the apex of that particular antipathy. showing that you’re so Over the song that made you billions in a movie that you’re shilling to the EXACT SAME CROWD is the most obnoxious humble-flex i can think of

as much as i liked Elsa jumping into the Pit of Past Misdeeds and freezing to death, i think the scene happened waaaaaayyyy too fast, especially if you compare it to how long it took for Anna in the first movie. she’s not really given any time to process what’s happening, and it kind of lessens the emotional impact.

Olaf is gone!! he’s gone, i miss him so much!! i cry myself to sleep!!!! OLAFFFFFFF!!! false. i do not miss him

i distinctly recall liking Olaf just fine in the first movie and actually found him tolerable here too, but wow i was not happy when they resurrected him, even though i knew it was a sure thing

maybe it’s because NOTHING had consequences in the end and even Arendelle, the place that all the characters have been treating like a thoroughfare for two movies, had to get saved at the last second!! Arendelle the place??? we were supposed to care enough about that to want it to be saved?? it’s not the fucking GALACTICA guys! there weren’t even any people left in the town! it’s bizarre that they tried to go so hard in the reparations route and then swerved at the last second. let Arendelle drown you cowards! let the Northuldrans offer help in solidarity if you really wanted the “bridge between worlds” angle, but come the fuck on! didn’t something like this happen with Life Is Strange already?

why didn’t Elsa go to her sister’s coronation is it just like a thing now for her to miss the major life events of her family members

the statues they unveiled at the end were horrifying

things i liked:

a lowkey thing that i’ve always appreciated about the first movie was its willingness to Go There when it came to depicting well intentioned parents who are still mired in various character flaws and wound their kids deeply, so it was nice to see that return and get expanded with parents who had Lives separate from their kids which made them That Way, and the consequences of those Lives often come back to influence subsequent generations no matter how much they try to keep it contained. it’s a good, logical extension from what happened with Elsa in the first movie.

and it’s another Steven Universe vibe, but they can go further with it faster because Elsa and Anna are the hegemony in this movie. they’re the history-makers, so their family drama very easily becomes political, and the lessons they pick up from family memories immediately end up changing the fantasy history landscape. it’s dope

baby Anna’s lil feetsies

Anna wanted to marry everyone and Elsa thought kissing was gross

everyone does feel palpably older! the first movie had a very teen feel insofar as everything was We Have to Do This or We Will All Die Immediately, but this time around all the characters feel much more comfortable in their own skin throughout the movie

everyone getting more than two outfits and all wearing pants

the revelation after so many headcanons of Elsa being a ruthless pragmatist, Elsa always being two steps ahead politically, Elsa being a literal and metaphorical chessmaster that Elsa is...actually just kind of spacey and weird was for me extremely welcome. i think part of this was done in service of Anna becoming queen at the end, but it makes sense. “attack it with ice powers” and “run away” are still pretty much the only two strings to Elsa’s bow. this is not to say that she was a bad queen, or that she didn’t try her damndest to be a fair and just ruler--when it comes down to it i think Elsa still knows more Facts about how to rule a kingdom than Anna ever will, it’s just that she’s also horribly averse to conflict and “pacing in place while blaming herself” is pretty much the extent of her productivity under serious pressure.

what sets Elsa apart (other than the ice powers) isn’t that she’s prodigiously talented, but that she’s kindhearted and extremely sensitive to the emotions and fates of others. (she’s the one who asks what happened to the spirits when Agnar is done with his half of the story.) she agonized over hurting Anna one way vs. hurting Anna another way for THIRTEEN YEARS and still couldn’t make up her mind until she was literally backed into a corner, and even that decision was “run away but FARTHER.” Anna wanting to reconcile with Elsa even after thirteen years wasn’t just because Anna’s love eclipses all; Elsa also left that door open for her, because she could never be quite as ruthless or even SELFLESS as to send her sister away for good. (”then leave! actually jk i’ll leave instead”)

but Anna wasn’t ever the exception for Elsa, either. Anna wasn’t the only corner of Elsa’s heart that she left open--Elsa’s like that with EVERYONE, even people she just met, or disembodied voices in the wild. Elsa can never do quite as many Right Things as she thinks she should, she can never be quite as driven, as strong, as single-minded as she thinks she needs to be, to fully commit to making decisions for other people. she feels too deeply and wants too much, even after all those years of trying to scour herself out with a lathe. it’s what ruins and saves her.

Anna and Elsa being horrible at charades in diametrically opposite ways was the most life affirming thing to happen to me this year

Elsa couldn’t act out ice

the two of them had MULTIPLE conversations with each other that didn’t immediately result in mortal peril!!! what a world guys

Into the Unknown fucking slaps but i’m now REALLY confused about the diegesis of the songs in this movie. i’d assumed they were all happening in story, what with the Voice and the multiple references to Let It Go, but Elsa literally bays at the moon in the middle of the night here and no one woke up??? maybe they’re all just really heavy sleepers who knows

or maybe the staff just take it in stride at this point--oh, Her Majesty is singing and crying again

Kristoff and Anna CANONICALLY FUCK, and not even in the typical cartoon “look they have kids, they canonically fuck” way in the “hey my sister and her snowchild that we’re all coparenting together are asleep on the sled, shall we fuck a mere three feet away without even putting up a divider or something” way

gotta give Jen Lee kudos for making the “Elsa has ice powers because she’s the fifth spirit” retcon make thematic sense. the most obvious way to go about this WOULD have been the avatar direction, but Elsa isn’t the union of the four elements but the union of the spirits and humanity, which is to say that she witnesses them and keeps their memories, bringing them to life and solidifying them with her powers. she’s obviously the best person for the job, since y’know. she spent thirteen years on one memory alone.

wait does this mean Elsa is basically the Resurrection Stone?? buhhhh i don’t wanna think about it

of course Anna’s sword just came from her grabbing it from an ice statue i don’t know what else i expected

i laughed at both of Olaf’s reenactments i don’t know what to tell you

i feel...Some Kinda Way about the discourse saying that Mattias being black is problematic because it suggests black collusion in indigenous genocide, but it’s not my place to comment on that, so i’ll just say that it was a pleasure to see Sterling K. Brown having fun in a role instead of his usual gravitas and misery

Elsa first making eye contact with the icemander, or Two Feral Creatures Recognize Each Other As Such--i can’t believe i thought Hiccup would be the weirdest horse girl i’d ever encounter in fiction when it’s OBVIOUSLY Elsa

ELSA COULDN’T ACT OUT ICE

what a novel concept to have Elsa charging forward while Anna tries to pull her back, telling her to slow down, that she’s climbing too high

appreciated the subtle seeding they did of Anna’s political savvy, what with her actually talking to the lost Arendellian soldiers and restraining herself from making outlandish promises to everyone she meets

Kristoff made a friend!

Elsa met one (1) girl that wasn’t her sister and immediately decided she had to live in the woods forever

Tribe Leader Lady’s reaction to Kristoff’s proposal

can’t believe Lost in the Woods invented cinema and music videos

the sisters at the shipwreck is hands down the best scene in the entire movie, aided by the drastically different palette they used to color this scene--all grays, browns, and blacks, even the surrounding environment, like Agnar and Iduna’s despair polluted the whole landscape. Elsa and Anna look horribly out of place here, like they can’t possibly be real in a world that looks like this.

it really snuck up on me how much this scene is a pivot for both of their characters: Anna’s instinct here is to look forward, to find clues that will point them to the next step; Elsa’s instinct is toward grief and, after the reveal, self-blame. for all her growth there’s still a part of Elsa that sees her existence as the catastrophe that keeps hurling the wreckage of the world at her feet. it’s something that i don’t think she’ll ever be able to completely move past.

Elsa, looking at Anna like she’s the only real thing in the world as Anna tells her that she believes in her, more than anyone or anything

“i just don’t want you dying trying to be everything for everyone else!” jesus fucking CHRIST guys

Olaf’s growing up crisis was mostly just...kinda there for me, but i will say the cut to his horrified expression when Anna said the word “dying” really did get to me

Anna switching between a Formal Court hairstyle and an Athleisure hairstyle is Bi Representation, Elsa getting increasingly more disheveled over two movies is Lesbian Representation

do i Get horse movies now

Elsa happy crying when she sees her mother in the cave made ME incredibly happy--her face is so much more dynamic this time around!

i wanna make fun of her for her stupid Dance Dance Revolution ice magic during Show Yourself but honestly..........fucking superb you funky little lesbian

aw Elsa you stood up to...an ice hallucination of your racist grandpa! in another three years (six years in production) you might be ready for Thanksgiving dinner

Elsa in the last movie: i’m never going back, the past is in the past!!!!

Elsa in this movie: brb gotta go hurl myself into a Pit of Past Misdeeds and turn myself into one of the embodied memories

Anna immediately understanding what went down at the forest before and that even if she wasn’t directly complicit in the violence she benefits from it every day, deciding to rip down Imperialism Dam without hesitation

The Next Right Thing didn’t really do it for me musically but as a core concept for Anna’s character and ethos it fucking ROCKS (pun obviously intended). i was so worried going in that they wouldn’t know what to do with Anna after the first movie other than give her powers, but instead we got confirmation that this IS her superpower: her ability to forge ahead with whatever life has given her has ALWAYS been her greatest strength.

this also explains why she felt so aimless and intent on protecting Elsa and nothing else before this point; Anna isn’t interested in delving deeply into the past, not when every other member of her family was consumed by it. with this she’s finally able to convert memory into action, and she shines.

(of course she couldn’t have GOTTEN to this point if Elsa hadn’t been so convinced that the past was worth pursuing, confirming my belief that the two of them share exactly one brain cell)

OBVIOUSLY action for Anna translates into “make myself bait for stone giants and STAND ON THE VERY DAM I WANT THEM TO RIP APART” Anna you fucking walnut

Anna threw the first brick at Imperialism Dam, actually

the understated moment when Kristoff just pushes aside his own insecurities and just asks Anna what she needs

the shot of Elsa falling into the water after she’s thawed nearly did me in

Elsa horseback riding over the water is. wow it’s the gayest thing i’ve ever seen

Anna’s coronation outfit made me kinda wistful. she looks so grown up! she looks like her mother

(i mean she always looks like her mother they literally have the same face but whatever you know what i mean)

me on my deathbed: eLSA COuldN’T aCT oUt ICE

stray observations:

is Arendelle just a tourist town where one day the guy who owned the largest house was like “this is a KINGDOM NOW I’M THE KING” and the 50 other townies who lived there were just too polite to argue

i mean it’d explain why the queen, her heir, and the heir’s consort could just waltz out of there for a week long trip and leAVE THE TROLLS IN CHARGE

when they first started getting chummy with the Northuldrans i lost my god damn mind and was like “are they gonna give Kristoff a boyfriend and Anna a girlfriend what’s happening”

is it required that female Disney protagonists have to go to a blue tinted place to realize that the magic answer was in them all along now the same exact thing happened to Moana and Rey

Elsa’s ice creations are confirmed to fade away if she dies, which...is a confirmation we needed i guess

why didn’t Mattias and Yelana fall in love to make the Chosen One instead, they had chemistry

(i mean. i know why)

i hope Anna got to yell at Elsa for at least five minutes and maybe slug her for pulling that “i’m going to Mordor alone!!!” bullshit

for a second at the end i was like “are they gonna do the HTTYD thing where we flash forward to ten years later and Anna and Kristoff take their kids to visit Elsa IS KRISTOFF GONNA GROW A DAD BEARD” but no we just had lesbian wind and origami instead

whatever your take on the movie i think we can all agree that the scene where Olaf calls the Irish “a plague on this planet which is slowly rotting it down to the rind and which must be excised” was NOT okay

#'wow i wonder how many words this post is--actually maybe i don't wanna know'#frozen 2 #disney #helen writes meta

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sodalitefully · 4 years

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Cliches, Part 3

As promised, Steven’s annual holiday party! More of the reptile store/bakery AU, Sluff with just a hint of Izzal, lots of fluff and drunken shenanigans.

(Cliches part one, two, check out my masterlist for more!)

🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄🌟🎄

11:30AM, The Friday Before Christmas:

There was always a lull in customers between the breakfast and lunch rushes, but instead of taking a well-deserved break, Duff was used to finding ways to keep himself busy, starting by wiping down the few tables he managed to fit inside his tiny store. Damp rag in hand, he paused at one of the tables to check on the napkin dispenser and of course it was that moment, bent over to reach the dispenser by the wall, his ass in the air and his back to the door, when the bell over the entrance jingled. He spun around at the sound, whacking a table leg with his shin, and instinctively braced himself against the chair behind him when he saw Slash standing in the doorway.

Slash had… a presence, you could say, an aura about him that always seemed to hit Duff like a freight train. It must be the hair and the bulky black leathers, Duff decided, making Slash seem bigger than he really is and absorbing all the light in a room so that Duff’s eyes were always drawn straight to him. Sunglasses hid his eyes (did he really need them just to cross the street to Duff’s bakery?) and his lips were pressed together, but they softened into a tiny smile when he looked at Duff.

“Slash! Hi!” Duff squeaked, then cleared his throat and hoped he wasn't visibly blushing as he scrambled back to safety behind the cash register. Slash followed right behind him, stopping in front of the register with his fingers resting on the edge of the counter. Duff couldn’t stand watching his own reflection in Slash’s glasses, so his eyes wandered as he continued.

“Uh, what can I do for you?” he stammered, staring down at Slash’s silver rings.

“Mm, I just thought I’d drop by and check that you're still planning to come to Steven's Christmas party tonight."

“Oh! Yeah, of course. I am. Uh, I’m looking forward to it."

“Good.” Slash shuffled his feet, a gesture that would have seemed more nervous if not for the pleased little smirk on his lips. “I’ll see you there, then.” Slash took a step back as if to leave, then paused and leaned back in.

“Duff?” The baker froze in mortification when Slash pointed a finger up at the red and green elf hat that Duff completely forgot he was wearing. “Bring that."

*****

6:00PM, Steven Should Really Be Decorating The Bar Right Now:

“Nah, I’m not going to go as hard this year."

Steven snorted in disbelief.

“Yeah right, Slash. Like how last year you said you were gonna take it easy but you ended up jumping off the roof? Or the year before, when you had a flight to catch the next morning but you still challenged Axl to a drinking contest, and then as soon as you beat him you turned around and challenged Izzy?"

Slash grimaced. Steven always tended bar for the first couple hours of the party and was therefore the last one to get drunk, which meant that he had dirt on everybody. Slash resisted the urge to argue that the roof was only seven feet high, and he’d landed on his feet without even spraining anything – it was nothing Steven hadn’t heard before.

“No, seriously…” Slash lowered his voice a little and leaned across the bar, even though absolutely nobody was listening in on their conversation. “…I really don’t want to embarrass myself in front of Duff. It’s his first party with us, you know? He hasn’t seen me drunk off my ass yet and I don’t want to, well, scare him off."

Steven nodded sympathetically, but mentally he was weighing the odds. It was true that Duff was a timid sort, and Steven knew all about Slash’s massive crush on his neighbor. But he also knew that Slash had been going steady with Jack Daniels for way longer than he’s been hung up on Duff. Could Slash make it through a holiday party without getting wasted? Not a fuckin’ chance.

*****

9:30PM, Time (And Liquor) Makes Fools Of Us All:

Duff stepped foot in the building all of two seconds ago and already Slash was latched onto his arm and dragging him to the bar.

“Stevie, Duff’s here!” The party officially started at nine, but Duff suspected that Slash may have gotten a head start on the bottle of whiskey clenched in his fist, if his uncharacteristically cheery demeanor was anything to go by.

“Pick your poison, buddy,” Steven invited with a knowing smirk.

“Uh, I don’t know, something with vodka…?” Duff was very preoccupied by the warm leather of Slash’s sleeve pressing against his side and the barest brush of his frizzy hair against Duff’s neck, but Steven sure got his attention when he slid an unopened bottle of Smirnoff across the bar.

*****

10:30PM, Santa’s Helpers Are Bringing Down The Neighborhood’s Property Value:

Every year, Axl and Izzy responded to their invitation with humming and hawing, as if they just might not be able to make it to the party this time, and every year (fashionably late, of course), Axl strutted into the bar like he owned it and Izzy slunk in behind him like a party crasher trying not to get caught.

Axl was more than ready to get his hands on a stiff drink, but the scene in front of him stopped him in his tracks: Slash and Duff, wearing an antler headband and an elf hat (respectively), equipped with window markers that Axl could only assume Steven had provided, were well on their way to turning the front window into a mural of lewd and filthy and sometimes festive doodles. When they finished, it would surely be a masterpiece to rival the Sistine Chapel, or maybe an issue of Hustler.

“Jesus Christ.”

It was only 10:30, did they really have to get such an early start on the shenanigans? Duff blushed red at Axl’s resigned exasperation, but it didn’t stop him from completing a crude drawing of a dick. The tiny bells on Slash’s headband jingled as he just laughed and added nipples to an (actually quite impressive) portrait of a shirtless woman. Fucking hell. At least they weren’t breaking anything… Yet.

*****

12:00PM, Good Fucking Luck Getting A Turn At The Karaoke Machine:

"Oh, Nikita, you will never know, never know anything about my home. I'll never know how good it feels to hold you... Nikita, I need you so."

As he sang the last words of the song, Axl spotted Izzy slipping away from the karaoke stage, ducking his head to hide the pink flush on his cheeks as he hurried back to the bar. Axl just smirked; Izzy always got embarrassed when Axl serenaded him in public, but he’d be back for more soon enough. Axl thought about following him, thought about getting Izzy even more flustered then dragging him to the restroom for a little fun like they did last year… But there’d be time for that later. For now, Axl wasn’t about to give up his reign as the undisputed Karaoke King.

Duff was sitting at the edge of a booth next to the karaoke machine, absentmindedly sucking on a cigarette and watching Axl pace the tiny stage like a caged animal ready to snap at anyone who tries to stick their hand through the bars, when Slash snuck up behind him with three beers balanced precariously in his hands.

“Watch this,” Slash stage whispered conspiringly as he handed one beer to Duff and then slid the second over to Axl. “Taking requests tonight, Ax?"

Axl sipped his drink and quirked his eyebrow at Slash. “Maybe."

“Well, Duff says he wants to hear some Nazareth."

“I said what?” Duff spluttered, narrowly avoiding choking on his beer, but Slash just elbowed him in the ribs.

“Shut up dude, it’s about to get good!"

Axl rolled his eyes at Slash’s bullshit but he jabbed a song into the karaoke machine and twisted the dial on the speaker.

“Gonna need some volume on this one…"

As the intro to a familiar song started to play, Slash wrapped an arm around Duff’s shoulders in apology. Duff leaned into the touch, and any remaining indignation he might have felt vanished as soon as Axl opened his mouth and started to scream.

“You’re a heart-breaking soul shaker, I’ve been told about you…"

“Shit, Axl can fuckin’ sing!” Duff whisper-shouted into Slash’s hair. Slash laughed, a sound that Duff had been graced with more times in this one night than all the rest of their acquaintance. He leaned up to put his lips by Duff’s ear.

“I dare you to request All I Want For Christmas Is You next!"

*****

1:00PM, O Tannenbaum:

“Hey, what are you guys doing to my – OH. Oh my god!”

A patch of branches on Steven’s Christmas tree was stripped bare of it’s dressings, but Steven couldn’t bring himself to stay angry about the vandalism when he saw how the decorations had been repurposed.

Slash sat cross-legged in front of the tree, very patiently doing his best to keep any drunken swaying to a minimum as Duff carefully wound a popcorn garland around his shoulders like a feather boa. Slash’s hair was sprinkled in gold tinsel, a pair of glass baubles dangled from his hoop earrings, and at least a half dozen more glass and paper ornaments were lovingly nestled in his voluminous curls.

Steven sprinted for the camera.

*****

3:00AM, Come Here Often?:

Slash couldn’t actually remember where he and Duff were trying to get, but it was clear that Duff was having a hard time getting there without swaying and stumbling. Duff was leaning heavily on Slash’s shoulder to stay upright – even though Slash wasn’t doing much better himself.

“Oof!” Duff tripped on something (likely as not his own feet) and tumbled to the side, where he was fortunate enough to land on a sticky leather couch instead of falling all the way to the floor. His arm was still wrapped around Slash’s shoulders, which meant that Slash was also yanked off his feet and dragged by the neck onto the couch where he landed gracelessly on top of Duff.

“Shit, sorry –“ Duff wheezed, sounding like he might have had the breath knocked out of him.

“S’fine, fine… You ok sweetheart?” Slash’s pet-name filter had disengaged completely a couple hours ago.

“Yeah, lemme just… hold on…”

Getting up from the couch seemed like too tall an order, but after some squirming and fumbling they managed a more comfortable position: Duff lay on his back with his knees hooked over the armrest and his hair splayed around his head like a wreath on the cracked seat cushion. Slash was draped on top of him, his forearms on either side of Duff’s head and his thigh conspicuously dipping between Duff’s legs.

Duff suddenly felt a lot more sober as he stared straight up at Slash’s dark eyes. Slash’s hair fell like a curtain around their faces, and the slivers of light that pierced the veil left a gleam in Slash’s eyes that Duff couldn’t quite read. He was nervous as hell, but for once he relished the feeling, that intoxicating cocktail of terror, anticipation, and arousal.

“Duff?” Slash’s fingertips wove into Duff’s hair, the gentlest touch but still enough to hold Duff’s head in place, not that he ever wanted to move.

“Yeah?” Duff was surprised by the thickness of the want in his voice, a low, heavy tone that resonated in the small space between them.

One moment Duff could feel Slash’s warm breath on his cheeks, the next he could feel his hot lips, then his tongue when Duff’s mouth fell open, in surprise or invitation he didn’t know or care.

Duff couldn’t say how long they lay tangled together, Slash’s body pinning him down, his hands buried in Slash’s curls, gasping for air when Slash finally broke their heated first kiss. They each caught their breath and stared at each other’s wet lips, neither sure what to say except:

“Again."

❄️❄️❄️

Steven has a secret box with a secret compartment full of embarrassing pictures of his friends at the Christmas party!

Axl’s karaoke songs are Nikita by Elton John, Hair Of The Dog by Nazareth (also on The Spaghetti Incident) and All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.

Also, I’d like to formally request a drawing of Slash with ornaments in his hair. (Edit: here!!)

#it's fucking 2:30 in the morning so I really hope I'm still happy with this in the morning #sluff #slash #saul hudson #duff mckagan #steven adler #axl rose #izzy stradlin #didn't get a speaking part this time sorry about that izzy #gnr #guns n roses #this isn't actually that festive go figure #alright imma go to bed #sodafics

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poiregourmande · 5 years

Note

could we get some shyanara (or for extra bonus points shyanara + standrew) headcanons?

headcanon requests are open - put a ship & theme in my ask!

okay so was i wondering if you meant shyanara w/ background standrew or if you meant all of them together? yes

does that mean i shoved them all together? you should know by now that the answer is yes

did i sprinkle adam all over this? of course, it’s written in my contract that i cannot ignore adam

right. to the coffee shop au then!

andrew and steven are baristas at this coffee shop, adam is the guy in the back who keeps baking the best treats

a lot of said treats don’t even make it to the window display

steven and andrew both swear they had nothing to do with that

but steven’s got powdered sugar on his nose

sara’s a struggling artist who comes in to sketch because the coffee shop has amazing natural light

she often comes in straight from the art studio covered in paint splatters

adam always arranges to be in the front when she comes by

he’s got a thing for the rainbows of paint in her hair

and that one fleck on her nose that’s all kinds of adorable

shane is a photographer who needs copious amounts of caffeine to function

at one point they hire him to take pictures for the coffee shop’s instagram

most of the pics he ends up with are of sara

there’s just something in the way the light hits her just write, the way she chews on her pencil

shane often gets into long conversations with andrew about history until steven pokes andrew in the ribs because he’s holding the line

shane at that point suggests that andrew and he finish that conversation at the museum? say, seven thirty?

andrew’s cheeks stay red all day after that

ryan comes in every day at the same time like clockwork, always a bit out of breath, always a bit sweaty, and he asks for a smoothie

turns out the coffee shop is on his way back from the gym

steven tries to get varied fruit everyday at the market because he knows ryan likes to switch it up

for some reason he kinda likes the way ryan’s face lights up when steven announces he got mangoes today (or raspberries, or blueberries, or)

sara’s sketchbook quickly fills up with the way sweat glistens on ryan’s biceps; the look of concentration on shane’s face behind his camera; steven’s swoop of hair in disarray at the end of a long day; adam’s fond look when he thinks the others aren’t watching; the floury hand prints on andrew’s apron (adam thinks they’re being subtle when they go in the back but sara knows better)

sara is very much not someone who goes towards others

but when ryan comes over and asks if that seat is taken, she’d be a fool to turn him away

he sweeps her up into a conversation about movies

halfway into it shane walks in from the rain, a white button-down plastered over his skin because his raincoat is wrapped around his camera bag to protect it

ryan’s words trail off and sara realizes he’s looking at shane with the same slack-jawed expression as her

adam walks in at that moment and drops an entire platter of muffins

andrew doesn’t even realize because he is also staring at shane

steven is pouring water into a french press. and pouring. and pouring. the water is spilling all over the counter, but does anybody notices? nope.

shane shakes the water out of his hair like a dog and it should look stupid

it doesn’t

droplets trail down his neck, down his collar, two buttons undone, down his forearms

ryan’s the first one to react - he pulls a towel out of his duffelbag, it’s clean, he says, i haven’t gone to the gym yet

he also offers a t-shirt, says it’s fine, he can just skip the gym today (it’s not like anyone feels like leaving this scene, and ryan’s not especially eager to go out in the downpour) (plus it’s leg day)

shane unbuttons his shirt, peels it off, they shouldn’t stare

they do

shane doesn’t notice - or pretends he doesn’t, pulls ryan’s shirt on

it’s a bit short, there’s a good inch of skin showing if he lifts his arms

sara offers her scarf, a big thing, more of a shawl, really, because he’s still shivering, and tries not to notice - not to delight in - the way shane is wearing both hers and ryan’s clothes

andrew comes in with the tallest black coffee he can make

he awkwardly rub at shane’s shoulder to, what, warm him up? comfort him?

shane gives a soft smile, says, appreciate it, buddy

andrew might blush?

adam comes in with a big bowl of soup

and steven looks around wondering what he can do

so he turns the heater up

because god forbid he’s the only one who doesn’t try to help shane

anyway so andrew decides to close the shop because who’s gonna come in by this weather

and they just all sit together at sara and ryan’s table with coffee or tea and a plate of adam’s turnovers

and sara keeps rubbing shane’s back

and at some point he stops shivering

but she keeps rubbing his back

and he looks so fond

but they all do tbh

and it feels...

it feels like a date but there’s six of them

it feels like the start of something new

#shyanara #stadamdrew #headcanons #buzzfic #anonymous #em answers

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theswiftarmy · 4 years

Text

#17 – We Go Live In Five Hours!

Scene 17: The Microsoft Theater at L.A. Live - Downtown Los Angeles - Daytime, Interior – Twelve O’clock Noon exact on Sunday November Twenty-Fourth, Twenty-Nineteen.

FINAL DRESS REHERSAL FOR THE AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS

TAYLOR SWIFT, POINT OF VIEW: Watches as the show director for the American Music Awards, Jeffery, tells the show’s stars sitting in audience seats that they must run the entire show from the top as a full dress rehearsal, again.

CHANGE CAMERA SHOT, we ZOOM in on Taylor Swift, slowly, panning from a full shot of the stage.

WRITER: Oh yeah, this is good stuff. I really should start writing this as a screenplay from here on out, so that way after Taylor Swift finds it and reads it, and then sends it over to her friends that made that “Cats” movie—and I am in turn contacted by Taylor herself along with a big time studio in Hollywood to get this masterpiece made into a movie, the screenplay will already be ready! And THEN I can be all like, hey Steven Spielberg, you want in on this? And he’ll be all like… “Cut it, print it, ship it, sell it, baby!” Or whatever snazzy jazzy lingo it is they use out in Hollywood—

EDITOR: Uh, I hate to break it to you, but this is never going to be a movie. Can we talk about this? First off, you’re never going to get all these people to agree to be IN a movie together in real life, what with the bad blood and all. Plus, you do know that’s just not how it works… The process of getting a movie made is so much more complicated than posting awkwardly written fan fiction online for your idol to stumble upon it and fawn all over your wordplay—

WRITER: Just trample on my dreams why don’t you?

EDITOR: I’m just telling it like it is! Dude, I’m not trying to let you down… But that’s not at all how Hollywood works! Plus, I doubt Taylor is ever going to even see this story, she’s REALLY busy these days and you tend to ramble on and on in some sections, you should definitely be a little more concise instead of meandering around making your point, but keep dreaming… Keep telling yourself: “Oh, look, Taylor Swift is going to find some random Tumblr novel about her and sit there reading the ENTIRE thing post by post completely captivated by your every word…” Because THAT’s realistic! Let me let you in on a little secret though, I don’t know how I feel about Taylor, I mean, have you read some of the stuff online about her? The gossip against her… Maybe you’re better off not capturing her attention… She could bad news my friend.

WRITER: Why don’t you go edit something?

EDITOR: Oh, yeah, because that’s a come back. Why don’t you go right something?

WRITER: AH-HA! See… And you call yourself an editor… don’t you mean WRITE something!?

EDITOR: No. I mean what I said, ‘right’ something—right a ship that’s sinking fast—right something that’s going wrong…. Like this story, that’s going nowhere fast.

PRODUCER: Ohhhhhh… Sick burn! Sick. Burn.

WRITER: Just leave me alone and stop crushing my dreams. I know it’s never going to be a movie, I know Taylor is never going to read it—you don’t think I know that? I know that… Just let me at least dream while I write this scene and stop being so mean.

EDITOR: Look at you, Mr. Poetic. Alright… I’m gonna go play some Xbox, call me when you’re done. Come on producer, I’ll let you pick the game. We’ll leave the writer to his “dreams”.

EDITOR AND PRODUCER EXIT STAGE LEFT, THEY LAUGH AS THEY SLAM THE DOOR SHUT, WRITER STARES OUT WINDOW WATCHING SNOW FALL, SAPPY MUSIC PLAYS. ZOOM IN ON WRITER FOR SHORT MONOLOGUE.

WRITER: If only I could make the Editor understand. I just don’t see things the way he does. I don’t see how a girl that makes such wonderful things, could be bad. Look at this story! Isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think it’s cool and complete? About a girl, a girl who has… Everything. A trove, of treasures untold! How many wonders can her song catalogue hold… Looking at her, well you’d think, sure, she’s got everything! She’s got catchy songs a plenty! She’s got singles and albums galore. You want music videos? SHE’S GOT TWENTY! But who cares, no big deal, she wants more. I want to be where Taylor’s people are… I want to sing and be there dancing! Hanging out with all her, what do you call them? Oh, Swifties. Being a fan of hers is cool and all but I want to do more than just jumping and dancing. I want the cameras rolling along with a catchy musical… What’s that word again? Oh yeah, beat… Up where they talk, up where it’s fun, up where they sing all day in the sun… Swiftie and free… Wish I could be, part of that world. What would I give, if I could make movies with Taylor… What would I pay, to spend a day part of Taylor Swift’s band … Bet you she’s grand and understands and doesn’t reprimand someone’s daughters. Bright young women, Swiftie women, taking a stand! And I’m ready to join with her, ready to go! Ask her a question, and get some answers… What’s her favorite cover song and how long did it take her to, what’s the word… Learn? When’s it my turn, to make a movie about love, a lover for sure, she is she’s a lover in love… As everyone can see… Sigh. Wish I could be, part of that world… Maybe they’re right. Maybe it’s silly to dream. But what if Taylor never dared to follow her own dreams! If she never picked up a guitar or played a single note on the piano. What if she never tried at all, how many Swifties would be Swiftieless! How many lives has she positively impacted with her music, with her kind words, with her retweets and reblogs on Tumblr, with her fan photo hearts, her genuine heart… and all her creative works of art…

WRITER SIGHS. Writer continues tay-ping into the night on the computer keyboard…

“Everyone! We’re going to do it again. Because, right now? I can’t. I just can’t… I can’t even handle it. I can’t even look at it, I can’t even think about it, I can’t even say I can’t about it…”

“Calm down Jeff. Okay? Just breathe. We’re gonna get it right.”

“Carol… It’s just… Everything is mess. We go live at eight! EIGHT! They’re acting like it’s still tech week! WE GO LIVE AT EIGHT!!! And that’s New York time, which means we go live at FIVE here in L.A.”

“It’s okay. You’re stressing yourself too much.” Carol King stood on the stage with the director of the American Music Awards, Jeffery, attempting to reassure him. A stage manager also stood nearby for backup should Carol’s efforts go in vain.

“Those two crack me up.” Selena sat in the audience seat to the left of Taylor.

“Well, it does need to be perfect, Selena.” Taylor reminded her.

“Speak for yourselves, I’m already perfect, did you see me during Tik Tok… NAILED IT. And my new song… Oh HELL to the yeah.” Kesha kicked her feet up and put them on an empty seat just to the left of Selena.

“Watch it!” Selena said turning her head slightly. “I just had my hair done!”

Kesha wiggled her barefoot toes close to Selena Gomez, just inches from the new hair-doo, egging her on, Selena made a grossed out face shifting over in her seat closer to Taylor. Kesha sat up. “WAIT! You guys, I just had an idea!!! I should make a TikTok video, during Tik Tok!” Kesha impulsively yelled her idea immediately up to the stage, “JEFFY! Can I record a TikTok while I perform Tik Tok during my set?!”

“NO KESHA!” He shouted back from the stage.

“Way to ruin my dreams.” She said sulking back into her seat. “It’s my creative expression, I should be able to do whatever I want.” Kesha made a pouty face. She went back to trying to pretend to touch Selena’s hair with her toes.

“Taylor, I know it needs to be perfect, but he’s stressing out so much. KESHA! Stop, that’s soo gross.” She turned around and stuck her tongue out at Kesha. Kesha laughed then let up and moved her feet away. “Ugh… Poor guy. He practically runs this whole thing.” Selena sighed. “I mean yes, there’s a ton of other people behind the scenes, but it all falls on his shoulders.”

“EVERYONE!!! WE GO LIVE IN…” He looked at his watch, “FIVE hours. It’s NOON! The show starts at EIGHT Eastern Standard Time, which means we pull the curtain at FIVE O’CLOCK PACIFIC TIME!”

“We know Jeffery. Just chill out man. Jeffy you’re gonna get your pants in a Jeffy jiffy twisty.” Ozzy yelled in his Ozzy Osbourne voice from his seat as he turned and high fived Post Malone.

“Right on.” Post laughed, and then sipped his beer. “Just take it as it comes and carry on.” He toasted to the stage with his bottle of beer and then clinked glasses with Ozzy.

“Post! It’s only noon. How are you already drinking?” Lizzo said looking over two seats. “Also, did they open the bar yet or what? This girl gotta get her drink on too.”

“Nah, B-Y-O-B, they won’t serve until after the red carpet… You want one?” He opened a cooler with a six-pack of beer.

“Ummm, I’ll wait.”

“Suit yourself.” He reached in and cracked open two more handing one to Ozzy.

“Ozzy! It’s only noon!” Sharon said slapping Ozzy on the hand.

“Sharon… Chill out… It’s non-alcoholic.”

“Oh, well in that case, give me one.”

“Sure thing Sharon…” Post Malone smiled and cracked open another beer handing it to Sharon Osbourne. He pulled out a bag of Trader Joe’s chips and passed the bag around for everyone to take a handful. Life is funny like that, one day you’re eating chips on your own solo, the whole bag to yourself—maybe with some dip, or salsa, or guacamole even, and maybe not—then suddenly the next thing you know, it’s a Post Malone party, you’re sharing the bag of chips together with Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, and Lizzo.

Taylor turned back from Taylurking the conversation happening several seats away from her between Post Malone, Lizzo, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. Just wait until you try my Fizzy Lifting Lover drinks she thought to herself.

“At least Scooter won’t be here.” Sara said to Taylor in a low voice, leaning over in her seat.

“I know. But, I kind of wanted to roast him in front of everyone, watch him squirm a little. That would have been sooooo amazing!”

“Taylor, no. We talked about this. You need to wait until the time is right. We need to…” She quieted down and looked around. “Well you know.”

“Sara, I know. Okay?” Taylor whispered back.

“Hey Taaaaaay…” Shawn Mendes walked by Taylor and smiled over his shoulder.

Taylor awkwardly covered her mouth, hiding a smile waiting for it to subside, when it finally did, she waved back.

“What was that?” Sara asked noticing Taylor blushing ever so slightly.

“What was what?”

“Umm, between you and Shawn.” Sara pointed over at Shawn now standing beside Camila Cabello.

“Nothing. What?”

“Taylor—Is there something between the two of you? Because if there is, as your attorney, I NEED TO KNOW! YOU NEED TO TELL ME EVERYTHING!” Sara raised her voice—she was almost shouting. Billie Eilish looked up from her phone raising an eyebrow in Taylor and Sara’s direction, then turned her attention back to her phone.

“Whoa, Sara…” Taylor lowered her head sinking into her seat, “You’re making scene.”

“Sorry, I… I don’t know what came over me.” Sara’s voice returned to her normal calm and collected tone.

“It’s okay… It’s… It’s alright.” Taylor pushed her self slightly away from Sara in the seat; she’d never seen Sara act like that before. Almost like Sara was a different person for just a moment. Taylor reached down to check on the masters case and make sure it was still seated next to her, unable to make contact she looked down and noticed Sara had pulled it closer—Taylor pulled it back.

“I just need to know things, okay?” Sara said to Taylor, making direct eye contact. Taylor looked back up at Sara. “To… protect you. That’s all. And to advise you properly…. I care about you okay? I’m not just your lawyer, I’m a loyal Swiftie, and I’m your biggest fan.”

Taylor’s eyes drifted away from Sara and back to Shawn again. “Riiiiight. Okay Sara, yeah, sounds good.” She said distracted, ogling Shawn Mendes. She felt that same dang crooked smile forming on her face. What was that? Why could she not help but smile every time she looked at him, SHE almost felt like a different person—She needed a distraction. Taylor pulled out her phone and texted Joe.

Hey you… Just wanted to say I was thinking of you! Inset 50 heart emojis.

She clicked send.

There was a sudden commotion from one of the entranceways to the theater, “Billy Porter is in the house!” Someone yelled.

“Oh my God Billy is here! Sara, hold my phone.” Taylor got up from her seat and ran over to hug him.

Sara looked at the phone in her hand; the screen was unlocked… She began to tap through a few of Taylor’s apps, her social media accounts folder named ‘My Loves’, which included the Tumblr app, Twitter, Instagram, and various other ways to connect with Taylor’s fan base, her Swifties—The pulse of the Swifties’ synchronized heartbeats in one tiny little device, she felt a wave of power rush over her, one Tumblr post, one Tweet, an Instagram photo, all of it connected to millions of Swifties, around the world, an army ready to act on Taylor’s behalf at moment’s notice.

As Taylor returned to her seat, Sara placed the phone back on her lap pretending to have never looked at it, she handed the phone back to Taylor with a reassuring smile.

“HELLO!!! ARE WE GOING TO DO A SHOW OR NOT? You still have to go home, freshen up, red carpet, photos, AND WE HAVE NOT EVEN STARTED THE DRESS REHERSAL… Am I the only one who cares about this?”

“Jeff, they care, okay? It’s just that we’ve run through it 73 times. The show is already good.”

“Good is no good, you should know that CAROL!”

Carol rolled her eyes.

“Okay everyone, everyone, let’s take it from top! Places… PLACES!!!!” He paused. “Oh, Taylor, I have a note here that you had a change request to add a backing track during your performance of Lover?”

“Yes, that’s right.” She yelled back to the stage gleefully.

“Okay, well, make sure you get that track to the sound team as soon as we finish rehearsal!”

“Oh, I will.” Taylor’s eyes flashed Teen Wolf RED for the second time today.

@taylorswift

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miguel-manbemel · 4 years

Text

Aspects & Fanfics Ep. 24: Bold Bonding Between Brothers

New entry of the “Aspects & Fanfics”, the first one of the year 2020. I hope you enjoy it, and also the new ship that is gonna be featured from now one, starting from the end card in this episode. New year, new ship. I’m not going to say much more and leave you with the story, which as the title suggests will be focused in the relationship between Roman and Remus. I don’t think there’s any need for any kind of label. It’s the normal relation between two brothers that sometimes they love each other and sometimes they hate each other, sometimes both at the same time. The normal siblings relationship, that is.

As usual, if you want to read previous entries of the story, as well as seeing past posts from this vlog, you can find them right here. And I hope you enjoy it. Until next time.

SYNOPSIS: Thomas is entering a literary contest where they ask for scripts for a feature film. The winner will get his script made by a legendary director. The problem is that the asked genre is horror, and Roman is not an expert on the matter, which will make him call Remus for help. But will they be able to work together or will the differences and Remus’ fear make it all blow away?

WARNINGS: Horror is mentioned throughout the story, including some disturbing scenes mentioned by Remus. Romantic Prinxiety is featured as usual but (spoilers) also romantic Logicality will make an entrance in the end card.

EPISODE INDEX

[Thomas is in front of the camera with his New Year hat on and a cup of champagne on his hand]

THOMAS: [singing to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”]

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and never brought to mind?

Should old acquaintance be forgot,

and old lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup of kindness yet,

for auld lang syne…

[yelling with a wide smile, rising his cup] Happy new year! [he suddenly goes serious as if he was listening to someone] Wait, what do you mean we’re already way into the New Year? [smiling bashfully] Wow… Some parties really go wild, don’t they? [a little concerned] But it’s still 2020, right…? And what are you still doing in my house? The party’s over now! Get out! Shoo, shoo!

[intro sequence]

THOMAS: What is up, everybody!? You see, this morning a friend of mine told me about something that could be fun. It is a contest, a script-writing contest. The winner gets to have his script filmed by prestigious director Steven Spielstokes, director of “Indiana Picani and the Last Cartoon Therapy”! It is a unique opportunity!

ROMAN: [rising up, excited] It is, Thomas! I can’t wait to start on this project!

THOMAS: Right!? I’m pumped up!

ROMAN: Me too! This is the chance you’ve been waiting for! You’ll be able to join the elite of so many prestigious scriptwriters that preceded you. And the Oscar awaits you, Thomas, all shiny and golden and…

LOGAN: [rising up] We get it, Roman. There’s no need to exaggerate. Besides, don’t put your hopes too high before time is due. There will surely be thousands of contestants trying their luck and many of them will be as talented as Thomas or more. We can be the winners, but we must be ready to accept defeat if it comes.

ROMAN: Ugh… here comes professor Wet Necktie, always spoiling the fun…

THOMAS: Roman, nicknames…

ROMAN: Sorry, Logan. And getting back into the stuff that really matters in this conversation, what are the rules? I need to know the limitations I shall have to place into my work, to start planning and all that stuff…

THOMAS: Um, yes… I read them just a couple of minutes ago. It has to be a script of a feature length, between 60 and 80 minutes, written in standard script format, and the topic is…

ROMAN: Romance? Fantasy? Musical? Adventures?

THOMAS: …horror.

ROMAN: [suddenly serious] What? Horror!? [looking at Logan] Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself, Logan. You jinxed it all with your talking about accepting defeat. I know nothing about the horror genre! That’s not my department!

THOMAS: I was afraid of that, never better said. I never made any true horror story, so I didn’t know how well you could perform in this genre. So, I let the contest slide, right?

ROMAN: No, no yet, Thomas. There’s always a first time for everything. If I have to write… [face of disgust] horror, then horror it will be. [smirks] Besides, I’ve got an ace under my sleeve, the best consultant I could ever ask for: my husband.

LOGAN: That’s absurd, Roman, Virgil doesn’t fit into your sleeve.

ROMAN: [singsongy voice] Virg-i-i-i-l!

VIRGIL: [rises up] Please, would you mind not calling me like that again? It makes me feel like a dog called by his owner.

ROMAN: That’s why I call you like that, my cute little puppy!

VIRGIL: And don’t call me like that, please… not in front of the others, at least.

THOMAS: I’ll pretend that I didn’t hear that.

LOGAN: Agreed…

VIRGIL: So what do you want, Roman?

ROMAN: I’m glad that you ask, Virge. I need your help. I have to write a horror story and…

VIRGIL: You do understand that, even if I look like a creepy dark emo, creativity, creepy or otherwise, is not my department, right Ro?

THOMAS: [low voice] …Ro?

VIRGIL: I’d love to be able to help you, but other than with brief inspirations based on Thomas’ real anxious experiences, there’s not much I can do for you. And you don’t want me to make Thomas go through a hell of anxiety to give you story ideas, right?

ROMAN: Well…

THOMAS: [firm voice] No, Roman, you don’t!

ROMAN: [sighs] Fine… Then I don’t know what to do.

VIRGIL: Well, you could ask another Side for help. Another Side that could be really well versed on the matter.

[as he names each one of them, the Sides rise up one by one, not knowing how they got there as if summoned against their will]

ROMAN: Well, Patton wouldn’t be of help. Last time I read him Little Red Riding Hood he got so scared he slept for two weeks with a bottle of purgative in his pajama pocket to use it if some Big Bad Wolf swallowed him while he slumbered, to make him throw up. Deceit… I don’t know. He has trouble remembering lines. He’d forget everything he’s given me and it would be a really incoherent story. Honesty… he is out of the question. He’s too attached to reality to create a work of fiction. He couldn’t even make a single change to his room from the real living room. How could he create a simple story? Logan… he would be great for a horror poem, but people don’t speak in verses unless it is a period stage show. This is a script where characters are not supposed to speak in rhymes, I don’t think he could be good on that either.

LOGAN: I’m here, listening to you belittling me, in case you didn’t notice.

PATTON: What is going on here, kiddos?

LOGAN: Thomas has to write a horror story and Roman’s considering his options for assistance.

PATTON: [unsettled] Ho… horror? What am I doing here, then? I don’t like horror stories.

ROMAN: [to Virgil] See?

HONESTY: It’s okay, Patton, it’s fiction. It’s not real and it can’t hurt you.

DECEIT: [creepy voice] Unless…

[Patton gets scared and Honesty goes to comfort him]

HONESTY: Dee, stop pestering the child!

DECEIT: Sorry, Patton, I was kidding… unless…

[Honesty looks at Deceit with a murderous glance as Patton whines on Honesty’s shoulder and grabs him, terribly scared]

ROMAN: You see how my judgments on each Side were on point? So, as I was saying, I don’t know what Side you really mean, Virgil.

VIRGIL: [beat] You’ve left out the Side I really meant on purpose, right?

ROMAN: [sighs] Yes.

DECEIT: But why? He’s your brother, Roman. They say that the best working relationships, especially in creative works, are the ones composed of siblings. Why not giving him a chance?

ROMAN: For ordinary siblings, maybe, but we’re not ordinary siblings, Dee. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I don’t want to work with him. I’d love for us to be able to create something together. It’s just I don’t know how I could work with Remus. We’re so different in terms of creativity. I don’t like anything he comes up with and he doesn’t like anything I come up with. And also, I may be a little extra…

LOGAN: A little?

ROMAN: [frowning at Logan] …but in spite of that, I create my works methodically and seriously. And Remus seems to be so chaotic in everything he does. It would be a hell of a working environment.

VIRGIL: And yet, him being the part that takes care of Thomas’ dark creativity, he’s the best Side for the job. You know it, Roman. You need to call him.

ROMAN: Maybe he doesn’t want to work on this.

VIRGIL: You won’t know if you don’t ask him. Call him.

ROMAN: [sighs] Okay… I hope I don’t regret this… Remus! If you hear me, come quick! I need you here!

REMUS: [suddenly appearing with his usual grin, next to Roman, who flinches at his sudden appearance] Wow, Roman, this is new! You are summoning me? You really must be desperate for something, am I right?

ROMAN: Well, I really am, to be honest.

REMUS: Well, what is it? How can this crazy little brother help his fluffy big brother?

ROMAN: I’m not fluffy!

REMUS: Yes, you are. You’ve gained a little weight on your buttocks since the last time we met, bro.

ROMAN: [briefly scared, trying to look at his own buttocks] What!? Really!? [suddenly returning to his previous attitude] Whatever, that doesn’t matter right now. What do you know about horror?

REMUS: [pumped up] Horror? I love horror stories! There are so many ideas I have written in the last few years! Why do you ask?

ROMAN: Well, Thomas needs to write a horror story and…

REMUS: And you have no idea where to start, right? Of course you don’t, all the horrifying creativity stayed with me after the split. But don’t worry, bro, Remus is here to save your butthole!

THOMAS: If only he could avoid using that word in one of every two sentences…

REMUS: What word, “butthole”? It’s not true that I use “butthole” all the time! I used “buttocks” earlier!

[Thomas sighs in frustration]

REMUS: So, what are you thinking on, Thomas?

THOMAS: Well, as I told Roman, this is for a script writing contest, so it has to be a script, of feature length, and the theme is horror.

REMUS: Any specifics? Horror is a broad term, there are so many things we could put into the story.

THOMAS: No, no specifics. Just horror. But I don’t want anything that would be too gruesome or too extreme. [pointing at Patton] Not in front of the kids.

[Patton is wearing headphones and smiles while humming a song. Honesty is with him]

HONESTY: It’s okay, I got it with Patton. He’s distracted with the Spongebob camp song and will be okay… as long as his phone battery lasts, that is.

REMUS: [looking at Patton, then at Roman] And you’re telling me that you didn’t go crazy like me after having to cope with this kind of shenanigans all day? Okay, let’s get cracking. [he cracks his hands while saying this, making Thomas grimace] I would personally go for gruesome, because that’s the most horrifying and fun, but if you say you don’t want too gruesome, let’s stick with that. You’re the master after all, the Light Master to be exact.

ROMAN: Okay, I had thought about the story taking place in a castle…

REMUS: Boring.

ROMAN: You didn’t let me start explaining the story and you already find it boring?

REMUS: Sorry, Rommie, but a horror story taking place in a castle? That’s too cliche. Besides, there’s nothing so special with castles. Believe me, I know.

ROMAN: If you’re saying that with your own castle in mind, our experience on that castle suggests otherwise, I’m just saying.

REMUS: Oh, please, Roman, what I made you go through were just little fancy games. If those silly antics upset you, you should see the castle’s west wing on the way to my chamber of secrets next to my bedroom.

DECEIT: Why does that “chamber of secrets” thing make me shiver in disgust even though I don’t really know what’s in there?

REMUS: Oh, I call it like that for the Harry Potter book, but I’d never have secrets with you, Slimy Boi. If you want to know what’s in there, I have…

ROMAN: Remus, we have work to do, remember? If you really call yourself creativity, please behave like it and start creating.

REMUS: [shrugs] Okay, it’s your loss, anyway. I enjoy myself there all the time.

ROMAN: [sighs] So, you don’t like the castle as a horror topic. Then, what do you suggest?

REMUS: Well, my suggestion is to place horror where ever the viewer would less suspect to find it. This way, throwing it unexpectedly to him would make a bigger impact on them, don’t you think? For instance… a children’s playground in a park, in broad daylight.

THOMAS: It doesn’t look very easy to find something horrifying in a setting like that…

REMUS: That’s what makes it more challenging, Thomas. Imagine this. An invisible creature, some kind of abomination from an antediluvian era, which has been asleep for uncountable centuries, suddenly wakes up and rises to the surface, in the middle of the playground, and it starts snatching kids and… well you said you didn’t want gruesome details… [pumped up] I don’t care, I want to say this! It starts eating them alive in front of their horrified parents! Ugh… I’m so good…

THOMAS: [ironic] Thank you for omitting the gruesome details, Remus.

ROMAN: Couldn’t we use a story where kids don’t have to die?

REMUS: Yeah, we could, but it wouldn’t be as fun.

THOMAS: Roman is right, I have a reputation of working for young audiences. Suddenly releasing something as gory as that, it could damage future working opportunities for me.

REMUS: Said the guy who played J.D. from Heathers, a character who tried to blow up a whole school after murdering several students. You played that character five years ago, and your career survived afterwards. I don’t know how since you never made anything special at all, but it did.

THOMAS: That’s different, I’m an actor, I need to work on all kinds of roles to grow as a performer, and I took care of warning my viewers beforehand of the kind of show that was Heathers. But creating something from scratch, it makes you deeply involved into it. My regular audience would want to watch it and it could create a bad image of me.

REMUS: And what does prevent you from warning your viewers again? I mean, to me, it’s nothing so bad, but if you think it would be traumatizing for your audience, that could work.

LOGAN: I never thought I would ever say this, but I agree with Remus. What you did with Heathers, you can do the same with any type of creative work, Thomas. You can create anything you want and, as long as you keep everybody aware of the type of content you’ve created and that content doesn’t go against any law, you and your viewers will be fine. A creator should be allowed to evolve. They’re not forced to stick with a limited type of works for the rest of their career. You can create adult content whenever you want as long as you label it appropriately.

THOMAS: Okay, you two may have a point. But still, I don’t want children to die in my story. I want to make something I personally like, and I wouldn’t like that. It’s a question of taste, if you like.

REMUS: [groans] More like Patton’s taste, I think… No, Thomas, I don’t like it, but if that’s your final word, so be it. Let’s look for something else.

ROMAN: How about a mansion with a group of people whose members start disappearing one by one and the others get scared about who’s making them disappear?

REMUS: Roman, please, try to be original. That story has been told millions of times. “The House that Screamed”, “House on Haunted Hill”, “Maniac Mansion”… And besides, it’s not even horror, it’s the typical whodunit flick, like one of those boring Agatha Christie’s novels, where only one person dies and the rest of the time it’s just the others, or a pompous detective, going in circles to find the murderer. I mean, if I killed someone, I wouldn’t hide it, I wouldn’t mind the consequences at all.

LOGAN: [offended] Hey, take it easy! Do not besmirch Dame Agatha Christie’s – may she rest in peace – name in my presence! However, you’re right on the rest of your sentence, Remus, except the part of you murdering someone, of course. A whodunit, even though it can have some horrifying elements, is generally classified as part of the thriller or suspense genre. I don’t know if that’s exactly what the contest is asking for. They specifically ask for “horror”.

THOMAS: Yeah, that’s right.

VIRGIL: Is no one going to acknowledge that, out of the three examples Remus named, two were actual horror flicks? I know, I watched them.

REMUS: My advice is that, instead of making people disappear, we see the creatures who are snatching them in all their gruesome detail, with their sharp teeth, their red eyes, their sticky tentacles. I love tentacles, personal preference. Did I mention “Day of the Tentacle” is my favorite video game?

ROMAN: Why do you have to use gruesome creatures? Not every horror story has to be gory, in case you didn’t know.

REMUS: I know, Roman, but designing these creatures gives me more space to develop my creativity. Humanoid dangers are too dull for my taste.

ROMAN: [groans in frustration] Ugh… It’s just as I feared.

REMUS: What?

ROMAN: You and I are like water and oil, Remus. We’ll never mix well. It’s like we’ll never agree on anything at all.

REMUS: Bullsh… [bleep] , Roman. You’re just not trying hard enough.

ROMAN: I’m not trying hard enough? I’m the one pitching all the ideas and you’re the one twisting them, as you always do!

REMUS: Well, if you brought up some interesting input, then I wouldn’t have to fix anything!

ROMAN: If everything you’re gonna do is fixing my works, then I don’t want you nearby!

[Remus shows a face of utter offense and hurt]

THOMAS: Guys…

REMUS: You don’t want me nearby? What do you mean by that?

ROMAN: I mean exactly what you think I mean! Get away from me and let me work in peace!

THOMAS: Guys, please…

REMUS: So, the cat’s out of the bag at last. You recognize that you don’t want me in your life, right!?

ROMAN: [suddenly confused] Wait, what? I…

REMUS: I’m glad that you admit that! At least this time, you’ve been honest and didn’t trick me into jumping on a boat to leave me on a lost island!

ROMAN: [stuttering, not understanding anything] Wait… what is going on here? I…

REMUS: Don’t worry, bro! I’m not gonna make it difficult for you! You can go on living your perfect dreamlike life however you want, and I’ll return back to my crazy lonely life as I’ve always been! Don’t think I will suffer over losing you! I’ve lived 20 years all alone and I can live like that again whenever I want! Despite what your self-aggrandizing ego suggests you, you’re not so important, [mocking voice] your majesty!

[after saying this, Remus sinks down. Everyone stays quiet and confused for a couple of seconds]

THOMAS: What… has just happened here?

ROMAN: I wish I knew, Thomas. I thought we were having a creative discussion. I don’t know where that came from… Did I… Did I do or say something wrong? You guys sometimes call me out for not being nice when I didn’t even realize I wasn’t…

DECEIT: It’s okay, Roman. It’s not your fault. Or Remus’ fault either.

ROMAN: Dee, do you know anything about this that I don’t?

DECEIT: As a matter of fact, I do, but you should talk it out with Remus yourself. This is something between him and you that you two should fix.

ROMAN: Fix? Up to this point, I didn’t even realize there was something broken between us at all. I thought we had fixed all our disagreements these past few weeks. If you know something, please, tell me, cause I’m totally confused.

DECEIT: Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s because you’ve turned back into a Light Side.

ROMAN: What? But I thought that would be a cause of joy for him, not of anger. Now I’m more confused than before…

DECEIT: Of course he’s happy for you, Roman. But he’s also… scared.

ROMAN: Scared? Of what?

DECEIT: He thinks that you bonded with him because you were a Dark Side and had no choice but to get closer to him or being completely lonely. Now that you’re a Light Side and back with us, he thinks you’re not gonna need him anymore and he’s scared to death of losing you again.

ROMAN: But… that’s nonsense. I wouldn’t do that. My feelings for him remain the same. He’s my brother, I wouldn’t dump him out.

DECEIT: That’s what I tried to tell him the other day, to ease his concern. But I guess it didn’t work. It seems that Remus, the embodiment of intrusive thoughts, also has intrusive thoughts of his own torturing him and that thought of you hating him must be recurrent for him. Perhaps if you told him yourself… He would believe it more easily if he heard it from your own lips and your own heart.

ROMAN: I mean… it’s my own fault that he has that thought on a regular basis. After all, I did leave him behind once… but I’m not the same I used to be back then and my feelings for him are not the same as they were either. Of course I’ll go tell him. He’ll probably be in his room, right? I’ll go see him.

THOMAS: Roman, I don’t want to intrude or anything, but if you go, could we use your orb to check that everything’s going okay? I will be terribly worried otherwise.

ROMAN: Okay, seems fair. Remus doesn’t have secrets of any kind, anyway. Or so I thought. Can’t believe he talked about this first to Deceit instead of directly to me.

DECEIT: Don’t worry about that. You know when someone needs to vent, the last person they do it with is the person with whom they have the problem.

ROMAN: You’re right, I guess… [pulls out the orb and gives it to Thomas] Okay, I’ll let you watch, but if things get too personal, I’ll switch it off, okay? [sinking down] See ya in a moment, guys.

PATTON: I really hope he can make amends with him, even if I don’t like Remus’ ideas very much, it’s Roman’s brother. And today’s task is a proof that Thomas needs him just like any other of us.

HONESTY: What? I thought you were listening to your headphones, Patton…

PATTON: Oh, I switched them off long ago.

HONESTY: And the subjects they were talking about didn’t scare you?

PATTON: A bit, but with you next to me as you were, I was less afraid. I can cope with horror as long as I have my friends supporting me.

HONESTY: [flattered and emotional] Awww!

VIRGIL: [smirks] My dad is the pure incarnation of cuteness, he can’t help it.

THOMAS: Guys, the orb is turning on. Let’s see how they’re doing.

[The guys watch the orb. Roman rises up in Remus’ room. He’s nowhere to be seen]

ROMAN: Remus? Remus, where are you? [waits for a couple of seconds] I know you’re here, Remus. Stop hiding. I just want to talk to you.

[Remus pops up, serious]

REMUS: And I just want you to leave me alone, Roman. Is that so hard to ask for?

ROMAN: Not until we have talked this out, Remus.

REMUS: There’s nothing to talk about, Roman. You made it very clear in the living room. You don’t want me with you.

ROMAN: I didn’t say that!

REMUS: Yes, you did! I am a nuisance for you and you don’t want me nearby! You said it!

ROMAN: You misinterpreted me, Remus. It’s true that our working routine is too… bumpy. And I admit that it’s too hard for me to work with you because we’re too different. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to try to make it work out. I was talking out of frustration, I didn’t mean it! And I was only talking about our work, not about our life!

REMUS: Yeah, right. Do you really expect me to believe you? You’re not the most trustworthy individual in the world. I suffered the consequences of your tricks once and I’m not buying them again. I’ll break ties with you and go back to my castle alone before you decide to send me to the trash can again. I don’t want to be abandoned again. I don’t know if I could take it, and I’m scared to death to find out.

ROMAN: Brother, you’re wrong. And me using the word “brother” should already be giving you an indication. I told you many times already. You are my brother. I don’t want you out of my life again and I will never abandon you again. That Roman that hurt you so bad years ago is long gone. I have changed. I promise I’m saying the truth. I already told you these past few weeks and I really meant it.

REMUS: Bullsh… [bleep] You said all of that these past few weeks because you were stuck as a Dark Side and wanted someone to distract you from your boredom. I just happened to be the only one available, an amusement to keep you entertained and distracted from the memories of the people you really wanted to be with. Now that you have those people that you really care for back in your life, you don’t need me anymore. That’s a fact.

ROMAN: No, Remus, that’s a falsehood, as Logan would say. Yes, I missed my friends and I do care about them, but I also care about you. As I also told you, it scared me to get closer to you at first because I feared your rejection. Do you think I would care about that if I didn’t really care about you?

REMUS: Who knows? As far as I know, you’re just as dramatic as I am and you could have been overreacting in regards to that just because. After all, I don’t really know you that much. You didn’t let me, remember? And you don’t get to truly know someone in a few days.

ROMAN: Well, I want to fix that. I want you to know me and I want to know you.

REMUS: I…

ROMAN: Don’t you see that, out of fear of being dumped out, you’re the one who’s in fact dumping me out and that you are forcing to happen what right now is only happening in your mind? Please, don’t do that. It would really hurt me if you do that. And I know it would hurt yourself too, and I don’t want you to get hurt.

REMUS: I don’t want you to get hurt either, and of course I don’t want it to happen. It’s just that… [his voice starts breaking and his eyes fill with tears] I’m so scared… I love you. I’ve always loved you and I’m so scared of losing you again.

ROMAN: Then don’t make that happen for real, Remus, because I love you too, and I’m never gonna leave you again. Let’s be brothers once and for all.

[Roman hugs Remus. Remus hugs Roman back and starts sobbing on his shoulder]

REMUS. I’m sorry, Roman. I’m sorry…

ROMAN: It’s okay… brother. I’m sorry too. Calm down, okay?

[Roman looks right at the camera from the orb with a gesture of apologize, and the orb turns off]

LOGAN: Well, I guess Roman wants some moments of privacy now.

THOMAS: I understand. I’m relieved, though, to see that at least they’re fixing things up. But now, what are we going to do with the contest? I can’t create any horror without Roman and Remus. So what are we going to…

[Suddenly, Romulus rises up in Roman’s place by surprise]

THOMAS: [scared] What!? Romulus!? You’re back? What is going on here!?

ROMAN: It’s okay, Thomas. It’s me, Roman. The original Roman before Remus and I split up.

THOMAS: [frowns] Suspicious… I don’t know if I should trust you. Maybe I should break you up like the last time, just in case…

ROMAN: [scared] Please, don’t do that, Thomas, don’t force us to split again. Last time, you turned me into a Dark Side. Next time, I may not live to see another day.

DECEIT: I think he’s saying the truth, Thomas.

THOMAS: Are you sure, Dee?

DECEIT: You know I can catch a liar from miles away, Thomas, and he’s not lying. It’s Roman.

ROMAN: Thank you, Dee.

THOMAS: Okay, if you say so, Deceit. Well, what happened, Roman?

ROMAN: I’m not entirely sure. When we were hugging, I felt a heartwarming sensation, and suddenly Remus joined into me. And here I am.

THOMAS: It’s weird. I thought you couldn’t join together again, and the result certainly has been a lot different from the last time when that hideous Romulus almost replaced both of you.

LOGAN: I’ve got a theory. Maybe working out your issues has had a beneficial effect, Roman. The last time, you joined because of your mutual unhealthy dependence of each other and the result was a distorted and unstable fusion that eventually became Romulus. Then you lost your capacity of fusion because of the trauma of the abrupt separation, and later, when you recovered, Remus’ fears could have acted as a hindering block, figuratively like one of those deadlock seals from Doctor Who that the sonic screwdriver couldn’t unlock. Now, all hinders are gone and, most importantly, the fusion has been born from your love for each other instead of any kind of dependence, and as such the original Roman came out as a result and not the corrupt Romulus.

PATTON: It’s what I always say, then. Love fixes everything.

THOMAS: But are you sure you’re gonna be okay, Roman? And what about Remus?

ROMAN: That’s worrying me a bit too, Thomas. Logan, now that you’ve mentioned Doctor Who, and since you are our own Doctor on this team…

LOGAN: That’s the biggest compliment you’ve ever given me, Roman, thank you.

ROMAN: …would you mind doing me a medical checkup, please, just to be sure?

LOGAN: Not at all, Roman. Allons-y!

THOMAS: I hope he doesn’t pull out a sonic screwdriver… That would be cool but this is serious business…

PATTON: [happily] Since Logan is the Doctor, can I be his companion, please!?

[Logan blushes for a second, then he clears his throat, approaches Roman and puts his hand on Roman’s chest. Logan starts shaking for a few seconds, then takes his hand off and goes back to his place]

LOGAN: As far as I know, Roman. You’re totally fine. Your form is stable, you’re still a Light Side and if you wanted, you could stay like this permanently. It’s your natural state as you were born, so that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.

ROMAN: …but? Because I sense you’re gonna say “but”.

LOGAN: But… if you stay like this for more than a couple of hours a day, Remus will disappear and become part of you, making the fusion irreversible. Also your traditional form as Roman would disappear forever. You’d be stuck as you are right now forever. No more Netflix-Kids-and-Family-Roman. And before you mention it, Thomas, the intrusive thoughts would still be there, only that they would be served by Roman, whether he likes it or not.

ROMAN: No, I don’t like that. And I don’t want my brother gone now that we made amends. But couldn’t I force the split like I did 20 years ago when Remus was born?

LOGAN: You may try, but I doubt it would work now, and besides, some different Sides would appear as a result. It wouldn’t be the same Remus as we know him, and we don’t know how much of the Roman we know would be left. It’s too big of a risk.

ROMAN: You’re right. I’ll split up soon. But first, I think we could take this chance to help Thomas with his contest. In my full form I get all kinds of great ideas for a horror flick.

THOMAS: That sounds cool, if we do it quick. I don’t want you two to get into any risks because of me.

ROMAN: Of course. You said we had around two hours, right? Then let’s get to work right now.

THOMAS: Okay. [to the viewers] Well, we’ve got a lot of work to do and very little time, so, until next time, take it easy, guys, gals and non binary pals. Peace out!

[end card]

[Logan is in his room. Patton rises up]

PATTON: Hi, Logan.

LOGAN: Oh, hello, Patton. How are you?

PATTON: I’m fine. Roman and Thomas are still working on their horror story, so I stepped out.

LOGAN: Yeah, fiction is not my department, so I decided to dedicate some time to catch up on some books I’ve had for some time.

PATTON: Oh, I see you’re reading Roman’s story, the one he gave you for your Secret Santa two years ago.

LOGAN: Yeah, please don’t tell him it took me so long to read it. I’d say I didn’t have a free second to read it until now, and as a matter of fact, I’ve been busy all this time because Thomas has been busy all this time. But, to be honest, I forgot about it until Remus mentioned Agatha Christie in our debate earlier and I remembered Roman wrote me a Sherlock Holmes mystery story just for me that I still hadn’t read. Roman would be really offended if he found out and I don’t want to hurt him.

PATTON: It’s okay, Logan. You always had the intention of reading it someday and that’s what matters. And what do you think about it so far?

LOGAN: The story is very good. Roman really knows me well and what I like most of a fictional story. I’m enjoying it very much. It’s too bad I didn’t read it sooner. I wish he makes me more presents like this in years to come.

PATTON: I’m glad that you mention presents, because… I came here because I have a present for you.

LOGAN: [closing the book] A present? For me? But why? Christmas is long over and my birthday is many months from now.

PATTON: Just because, Logan, like when you gave me this cat hoodie as a present. There was no reason, other than how much we love each other. [pulling out a wrapped box] Platonically, of course.

LOGAN: [blushes] Of course… And what is it?

PATTON: Open it and you’ll find out.

[Patton gives Logan the box. He opens it and takes out the content]

LOGAN: Is this… a sonic screwdriver? Like the one used by the Ninth and Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who?

PATTON: Yep, I loved the idea of you as the Doctor and me as the companion, so I decided to give you this for the occasion. Do you like it?

LOGAN: Like it? It’s… fantastic! Thank you so much, Patton!

PATTON: You’re welcome. It makes me so happy that you like it, Logan.

LOGAN: Patton… I owe you an apology.

PATTON: What? An apology? For what?

LOGAN: For the treatment I have given to you in the past. I have consciously belittled your opinions so many times, and you never held it against me.

PATTON: Oh, don’t worry about that, Logan. I’ve always thought of it as you being grumpy, but I’ve always known you never really meant it.

LOGAN: How could you know that, Patton, when I didn’t know it myself?

PATTON: Well, when you’re an expert on feelings, you become aware of them. Feelings are not just about knowing them, Logan, it’s more about feeling them.

LOGAN: It has no logic… Of course it doesn’t, they’re feelings. Maybe that’s the reason I was such a… a jerk. I didn’t understand feelings, so I rejected them, and since you are the embodiment of Thomas’ feelings, I rejected you too. Will you please forgive me?

PATTON: There’s nothing to forgive, but if it will make you feel better, I forgive you, Logan.

LOGAN: Thank you, Patton, I… I…

[Logan looks at Patton, unable to speak. Before he knows how it happened, he approaches Patton and kisses him on the cheek, next to the corner of the mouth. Patton shows a face of surprise and shock, stroking his cheek where Logan kissed him. Logan gets nervous]

LOGAN: I… I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from, I…

PATTON: [with a cute smirk, he puts his finger on Logan's mouth to shut him up, then he looks at him with a loving glance] You certainly took your time to confess it, Teach. I love you too, Logan.

LOGAN: I didn’t conf… mmm...

[Logan shows a glance of shock when Patton starts kissing him on the lips, interrupting him mid sentence, then he just closes his eyes as he hugs Patton and kisses him back]

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #roman sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #fanfic #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #logicality #romantic logicality #aspects and fanfics

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hennessystevens-udaku · 5 years

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The Other Woman

Premise: When the first three wives meet our @itsangeludaku.

“So who is this nigga that got your nose all open?” Destiny called to Angel as she dressed for her date. It had been a few months since she and Erik had physically saw or touched one another, so she wanted to make a statement. She decided on a white button-down short-sleeved shirt and the sheer black beach skirt she’d purchased a few days earlier. To accent the ensemble, she decided to wear the black neck tie that he wore on their first official date and then later used to bound her wrists to her headboard and a large black waist belt. She went with a soft glam look for her makeup and her long hair was in curls, just the way he liked.

“His name is Erik Stevens. He’s from Oakland, California and he’s a Navy vet.”

“Is he cute?” Mercedes asked as she entered the room.

“Cute isn’t the word you use to describe this man. He’s beautiful with the body of a God!’ Angel replied, feeling herself heat at the mention of her fiance.

“So how is it that you’re already engaged to a man that we haven’t even met yet?” asked Camilla. She’s was the oldest of the clan and the most protective of her friends. Though she was happy for Angel finding love, she wasn’t sure if she trusted Erik just yet.

“Honestly, it just happened, Cam. I feel safe with him and I really can’t explain it, but I know I’m making the right decision in marrying him. And no disrespect, but I’m gonna marry him with or without your blessing.” With that, she turned to leave the room, leaving each and every last woman stunned by her words.

“It feels so good to be home!” Hennessy exclaimed as the cool breeze from the river tickled her golden skin. This was her first time back in New Orleans since the not so pleasant reunion with her biological parents, and she was dying to rid herself of all the stress and hectic-ness that was California. Erik was there on “business” and decided to bring her, Aly’Sha, and Ryley along as a means of getting them all out of the house and letting them let loose as a family.

“So when are we going to Bourbon Street?” Ryley asked, eager to wrap her lips around a hand grenade.

“You really tryna get day drunk, Ry Ry,” Erik asks with a sly grin. It was the first time he’d really spoken since they landed and Henny could sense his distance.

“You damn right,” she replied matter of factly.

“Day drunk is the best kind of drunk,” Aly’Sha agreed. Erik shook his head with a chuckle.

“Y’all are something else,” he said, draping one arm around Ryley’s shoulder and the other around Hennessy’s waist and she and Aly’Sha walked hand in hand down the busy street.

“Well where do y’all wanna go? Oceana or Pat O’Brien’s?” Erik asked and they rounded the corner to Bourbon Street.

“Oceana. The food is bomb and if we’re lucky, they’ll have a performer,” Henny replied, breaking away from the group to lead the way. They were able to get a seat directly at the bar and as soon as they sat down, the drinks started flowing. Soon, they were all laughing and joking and Erik was showering each woman with copious amounts of PDA. Unbeknownst to them, the quartet had attracted an audience.

“I knew there was a reason I didn’t trust that nigga!” Camilla yelled from her seat at the other end of the bar.

“Should we tell Angel?” Destiny asked, feeling sorry for her best friend.

“You damn right we should! She’s on her way down here right now and I’ll be damned if she’s blindsided by this fuckboi ass nigga and his three hoes!” Camilla growled as she pulled up Angel’s contact info to facetime her. Soon her innocent face filled the screen.

“What is it now, ladies? I’m meeting Erik in minutes and I meant what I said.”

“Well you won’t be so cheerful when you see what his black ass is up to.”

“What are you talking about, Camilla.”

“Your Prince Charming is down at Oceana locking lips with three other bitches!” Angel was quiet for a bit, but soon a smile crept across her face.

“Let me see,” she coaxed, urging Camilla to turn the camera so that she could see. Sure enough, that was her Erik and those were his wives and now that she was seeing them in person, the pictures that he’d shown her had done them no justice. They were three of the most gorgeous women she had ever seen, all curvaceous and voluptuous in every way.

“Oh that must be Hennessy, Aly’Sha, and Ryley,” Angél replied with a shrug.

“You know them?!” Camilla and Destiny exclaim in unison.

“Not formally, but I know of them. They’re his wives.”

“Wives?!”

“Yes his wives. He’s polyamorous.”

“And you’re ok with that?” Destiny asked in shock.

“Surprisingly yes, now if you ladies will excuse me.” Angél ended the call and entered the restaurant, heading straight to the bar.

“Getting started without me, Mr. Stevens?” she called from behind him. Erik’s posture immediately straightened and he removed his arm from around Hennessy’s waist like a child being scolded by his mother.

“My bad Princess,” he cooed pulling her in for a hug. Although slightly impaired, the action didn’t go unnoticed by Henny and Aly’Sha was about to address it before Erik spoke again.

“Angél, meet my wives, Hennessy, Aly’Sha, and Ryley. Wives, meet my fiancé, Angél Aucoin.” At the sound of that 6-letter F word, Henny’s entire body heated. Not wanting to create a public scene, she gave Angél a polite smile before ordering herself another double Hennessy and apple juice. Something told her she’d need it.

“Oh we feeling bold today, huh?” Erik asked once he took in Angel’s outfit.

“Just a little, but in my defense, it’s hot as hell,” she replied, burying her face in his neck. He smelled like sandalwood and natural musk and she loved it.

“Mmhm, I hear you, Princess.”

“So Angel, what do you do?” Ryley asked, noticing the change in vibe from her sister wives.

“Well I’m finishing my last semester at Loyola University where I’m majoring in music industry studies.”

“You sing?” Aly’Sha asked.

“Like an angel,” Erik responded with a smile. His behavior made Hennessy want to gag. He had never been one to show emotion yet here he was gushing over this girl like a 12-year-old school boy. It was sickening.

“Fix ya face,” Aly’Sha whispered, noticing the way Henny glared at the happy couple.

“So how long have you guys known one another?”

“About 5 months,” Erik answered again.

“Jesus Erik, I’m sure the girl can speak for herself,” Henny barked, a little more harsh than she intended. Though she was indeed angry, and possibly a little jealous, she didn’t mean for any of her animosity to be directed towards Angél. Oh no, her issue was with the big oaf standing in front of her.

“Five months, isn’t that a little soon to be pledging life commitments, Mr. Stevens?”

“It is, Mrs. Stevens, But I feel like Angel’s the one.”

“You mean the fourth, got it.” Angél adjusted in her seat uncomfortably before Ryley took control of the conversation again, asking her about her interests and what she liked to do for fun. Ryley made her feel safe and welcomed, even if her presence came as a bit of a shock to the first Mrs. Stevens. After a few hours of laughs and jokes, the gang retired back to the plantation-style home Erik purchased the last time he visited the city. Henny made her way upstairs and had almost crossed the threshold to the bedroom she and Erik were sharing before she heard him clear his throat behind her.

“Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Your behavior.”

“I’m fine, Erik. I just need to lay down.” With that she grabbed her duffle and made her way down the hall. “I’m sleeping in Aly’sha’s room tonight. I’m sure you and Ms. Aucoin would like some alone time.”

—

“So are you gonna tell me what your issue is or are you gonna keep numbing yourself with Hennessy and weed?”

“Hennessy and weed, for $500, Alex,” Henny slurred. “Talking about your pain makes it real and I’m not ready to deal with that just yet.”

“Well that’s too bad, Aurélie,” Aly’sha fussed as the took the bottle and poured the remaining contents out the window.

“Nigga! That’s abuse!”

“No, what you’re doing to yourself is abuse. Now talk to me. I already know the gist of the issue, but I wanna hear you say it.” Henny sighed deeply as she rested her head against the headboard of the bed.

“It was just the way he acted. When she walked in he completely removed himself from me as though I was the other woman. And the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. He’s never once looked at me that way. He treats her like a princess and us like the homies. I spent years trying to get close to him, trying to break through his walls and his insecurities only for him to pour all of that love, time, and effort into someone else.”

“But Shy he told you about her,” Ryley reasoned after hearing the conversation from the other side of the door.

“He told me someone had caught his eye! He never said anything about them already being engaged! We were supposed to be in this together,” she said through her tears.

“Do you honestly think Erik could love anyone more than you?” Ryley questioned as she wiped the tears from Hennessy’s cheek. “You’re Hennessy, the best friend and the First Lady. That man’s love for you is infinite and it doesn’t fade just because someone new comes into the picture. Granted, he could’ve went about this a different way, but how often have you known Erik to think before he does something?” The trio shared a laugh because it was true. Their husband was the king of impulse decisions and rash behavior. Henny took a deep, reaffirming breath before speaking again.

“Thank you ladies, I needed this talk.”

“You know we got you, girl,” Aly’sha said, pulling her in for a hug.

“Let’s give her a chance, she might not be too bad.”

————————————

TAGS: @vibranium-soul @imagine-mbaku @mareethequeen @greennightspider @jozigrrl @hearteyes-for-killmonger @blackpantherismyish @muse-of-mbaku @thehomierobbstark @wifeyofnjadaka @youreadthatright @tgigoldie @killmongersgurl @dameshaemonique @princessstevens @princesskillmonger @amethyst1993 @iamrheaspeaks @laketaj24 @bidibidibombaclaat @allhailnjadaka @whatmoredoyouwantamericaa @forbeautyandlife @yaachtynoboat711 @panthergoddessbast @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @dacreskars @thadelightfulone @drsunshine97 @wakanda-inspired @wawakanda-btch @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @ayellepea @awkwardlyabstract @madamslayyy @blowmymbackout @vikkidc @champagnesugamama @sociallyawkward18 @trevantesbrat @supersizemeplz @ledouxange7

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mst3kproject · 5 years

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Female Jungle

This movie has serious MST3K cred. It’s got Kathleen Crowley from The Rebel Set, Jayne Mansfield from The Loves of Hercules (in her first screen role), Bruno VeSoto from Daddy-O, and John Carradine! It also has that old favourite, a misleading title. Just as The Undead had no zombies and Pod People had neither pods nor people, Female Jungle features not a single leather-clad woman swinging on a vine. Disappointing.

Rather than being a bad jungle adventure, Female Jungle is a bad noir mystery. Up-and-coming actress Monica Madison has been murdered in front of the sleazy Can-Can Club, while she should have been at a glitzy movie premiere. What was she doing there, and who killed her? Too bad off-duty detective Jack Stevens, who was in the area, was too falling-down drunk to remember what happened… or even whether he was the killer! In the attempt to clear his name, Stevens delves into the complicated relationships between Miss Madison, her publicist Almstead, a struggling artist named Al, and the women in Al’s life – including his wife Peggy and mistress Candy. It turns out there were a lot of people who might have a reason to kill Monica Madison… but the actual ending makes no damn sense at all.

If Female Jungle had been on MST3K it would have belonged in the Joel era, because this movie is a fucking ordeal, right up there with garbage like Project Moon Base and Jungle Goddess. For starters, nothing happens. Theoretically this story involves exciting things like car chases, love affairs, jewel thefts, and drunken brawls, but we never see any of it, only hear about it in long, pointless conversations. Sometimes the long, pointless conversations turn into long, pointless arguments in which both parties seem to change their minds twice in five minutes. Sometimes the actors talk extra-fast, apparently in the effort to fit more talking into the available seventy minutes. The fact that a vital clue comes from a talk radio program is almost a joke, because even the people in the movie are doing nothing but listening to talking!

The only thing worse than a movie that’s ninety-five percent talking is one that’s ninety-five percent talking by people who can’t act. Nobody in this movie can act. Even John Carradine can barely act in this movie. Lawrence Tierney as Stevens isn’t even convincing as being tipsy, never mind so drunk he can’t figure out where he was for the last four hours. Burt Kaiser (also the writer and producer) as Al studiously avoids looking into the camera. Kathleen Crowley as Peggy spends much of the movie fake-crying. Jayne Mansfield as Candy looks like she has no idea how she sank this low, and this is her first film.

The direction is incredibly boring, featuring lots of static shots from way too far away, interspersed with bizarre intrusive close-ups on people who aren’t even participating in the conversation. Everything is under-lit (Tom Servo’s comment on The Giant Spider Invasion being ‘film extra-noir!’ comes to mind), which is particularly annoying during the rare scenes in which something is actually happening and you can’t fucking tell what it is. A lot of scenes that needed music don’t have any, and the ones that do have music play it way too loud, which makes for another unintentional joke when Peggy asks Almstead to turn it down.

The characters are to a man (and woman) drunk and terrible. There are bits where it looks like Al and Peggy might be about to reconcile, but we don’t want them to reconcile because Al is an abusive fuck. Stevens has a brief scene with Candy that makes it look like they’re romantically involved, but apparently they’re not, and then he yells at her. She goes running off to seek comfort from Al and he yells at her. Stevens threatens a suspect for insisting his lawyer be present for questioning, and then keeps barking questions at him until he breaks down. The only decent person in the entire cast is George the Can-Can Club janitor, and even he has his questionable moments when it looks like he might be protecting the killer.

In particular, the many loves of Al the artist are supposed to be very important, but we have no idea what any of these women see in him. He’s an unemployed drunk who cheats on his wife with a regular mistress, and cheats on that mistress with a third woman. All three seem to have tried to help him with his problems only to get it thrown back in their faces. He’s not wealthy, he’s not particularly good-looking, he’s only mildly talented, and he’s definitely not charming.

I guess the theme of Female Jungle is gratitude? Al wasn’t grateful for the love of the women in his life and abandoned them all one by one, while Monica wasn’t grateful to Almstead for making her a star. I would love to analyze this but I can’t. It’s there, but it’s not used in any way that would make it worth talking about.

While we have several potential villains in this story, finding a hero is more difficult. Any attempt at a plot summary will probably make it sound like it’s Stevens, but he’s not actually in the movie very much. When he is, he’s threatening women and suspects, yelling at his colleagues, and generally behaving like a thinner, better-dressed version of Mitchell. All the actual investigating and solving was done by Almstead, although while we’re actually watching him work it out we’re meant to think he’s the killer trying to cover his tracks. Why wasn’t this movie about Almstead?

Two reasons, actually. First, because he already knows what’s going on and the whole premise of this film seems to be that nobody knows what’s going on – especially the audience! And second, he’s John Carradine. Everybody knows John Carradine is the bad guy.

The final revelation of who killed Monica Madison is what feels like ten minutes of John Carradine telling a story that makes no damned sense. There was apparently a blackmail scheme involved but we never find out what it was about. By the end of a murder mystery we should have enough clues that the confession or explanation makes everything fall into place, but instead, here we’re just sitting there wondering what the fuck. Most of this was not at all foreshadowed and the parts that were don’t make any sense either – a major plot point turns on a stolen diamond necklace but we never find out why the culprit stole it. It feels like they made the whole movie up as they went along and the result desperately needs a guy and two robots at the bottom of it.

The biggest sin committed by Female Jungle is one I’ve gotten mad about before – it straight-up lies to the audience. Conventions of fiction vary from culture to culture but one of the assumptions we make here in the west is that characters in a movie do not know they’re in a movie and therefore cannot talk directly to the audience. Even Shakespeare’s asides follow this rule, in that Hamlet isn’t really supposed to be talking to the audience, but giving us a window on his inner monologue, and it can only be broken in very special circumstances. Bilbo Baggins told two different versions of his competition with Gollum, but Bilbo is explicitly the narrator even though his story is in the third person, so he knows he has an audience that he wants to look good for.

Female Jungle has no narrator, not even potentially. There is no one character whose story we’re following and who may therefore be said to be ‘telling’ it to us, as for example Chasen is telling us the story in Indestructible Man. The only possible candidate would be Stevens, but we’re often watching stuff he has no way to know or care about. Therefore nobody is aware there is an audience, and nobody should be able to lie to that audience. The killer breaks this rule, though, as he does things that make no sense once we know he is the killer. He does try to frame Almstead, but often in ways that seem directed at the audience rather than the cops. Murdering Candy serves no purpose except to say ‘surprise, this guy kills women!’

Between the darkness, the downright deceptive attempts at misdirection, and the fact that nobody’s decisions make any sense, Female Jungle reminds me very strongly of The Dead Talk Back. Female Jungle actually manages to be worse than that movie on several levels, but there is one mistake I’m glad they avoided. In The Dead Talk Back we got to know Renee a little, but only through a voice talking over shots of her changing her clothes. In Female Jungle we don’t actually meet Monica at all – she dies before the opening titles. This is, itself, not very good storytelling, but at least the movie doesn’t have an opportunity to sexualize her. We see a couple of photographs of her later, one of them a standard Hollywood head shot and the other a candid of her sitting at a nightclub table, but neither is intended to be sexy. One of Al’s artworks tries to depict her as a sexpot, but the emphasis of the piece is so obviously the plot point necklace that it ruins the effect.

Yeah, that’s my compliment for Female Jungle: it didn’t go out of its way to remind us that the victim made for an attractive corpse. I have seen way, way too many bad movies.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #female jungle #poor john carradine #50s

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the-desolated-quill · 6 years

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Arachnids In The UK - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Spiders. It had to be fucking spiders, didn’t it?

Normally I watch each episode multiple times before writing a review in order to pick up on every nuance and detail. With Arachnids In The UK however, I just about managed two viewings and that was a Herculean effort I can tell you because... you know... fucking spiders. So apologies if this review isn’t as detailed as previous ones. Frankly you should be grateful you’re even getting a review of this at all because... you know... FUCKING SPIDERS!

So then. Let’s talk about the fucking spiders. The fear factor of this episode will depend on how you feel about spiders in general. If you’re one of those weirdos who keep tarantulas as pets (seriously, what’s wrong with a dog or a gerbil or something? Can’t you just be normal?), then you probably found this quite quaint. If however you’re like me, a confirmed arachnophobic and colossal wuss, Arachnids In The UK most likely terrified the fucking life out of you.

But wait. It gets worse. I would have been shitting myself if the spiders were regular sized, but that’s not enough for Chris Chibnall. Oh no. These spiders are ever so slightly bigger than that. How big, I hear you ask? Think Aragog from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

Yeah. That big.

At this point I’d like to extend a massive fuck you to Doctor Who’s special effects department for really putting in an almost criminal amount of time and effort into making these giant, eight legged demons from hell look as photo realistic as possible. Each individual, computer generated hair rendered with absolute care and attention to detail, making the spiders that much more skin crawling to look at. I mean it wasn’t as if I was planning to sleep that night anyway.

I also have to begrudgingly commend Sallie Aprahamian for her direction. The lighting, camera angles and use of sound really help create a creepy atmosphere and build tension effectively. Because spiders, even massive spiders, aren’t the type of monsters to jump out and attack you directly. No, the little fuckers like to sneak up on you and catch you unawares, and that’s what this episode really takes advantage of.

So what reason did Chris Chibnall come up with for giant fucking spiders to exist? Genetic experiments and toxic waste. Stupid? Yes, but so is the idea of a wooden blue box travelling through time and space, so let’s not get too critical. Just pretend that scientist works for Norman Osborn from the Marvel Comics and go with it.

Let’s move away from the spiders (quickly please) and talk about the characters because they’re, once again, the strongest part of the show. The Doctor is still just as delightful as ever with Jodie Whittaker switching from comedy to drama effortlessly. I especially liked at the beginning of the episode where she’s noticeably sad to be saying goodbye to her new friends only for her face to light up again when Yasmin invites her for tea. After Steven Moffat’s ‘the Doctor lies’ bullshit and Twelve acting all brooding and stoic, it’s refreshing to see a Doctor who displays their emotions openly. I also liked the way she interacted with the spiders. While everyone else is understandably shitting themselves, the Doctor is the only one who tries to give the spiders any kind of dignity, even going so far as to comfort the giant mummy spider at the end as it dies. She doesn’t view them as disgusting or frightening. They’re living creatures like her and deserve the same kindness she would give to a human.

Of course the main purpose of Arachnids In The UK is to get the companions to sign up for more adventures and I really like how this is done for the most part. Ryan is very quickly becoming my favourite companion and Tosin Cole is clearly having a lot of fun in the role. My favourite scene in the whole episode was him using grime music to lure spiders into the panic room. That got such a big laugh out of me. He’s just a really likeable character and I love how he’s growing and developing. He’s come a long way since The Woman Who Fell To Earth. He’s become a lot more confident and I think it’s because he feels he can achieve great things with the Doctor. He likes that he feels valued by her and that’s nice to see. And he clearly still has a lot more room to grow as shown by his scenes with Graham, which are easily the highlight of the episode. His negligent father wants Ryan to move back in with him, calling himself his ‘proper family,’ which irks Ryan. Over the course of these four episodes, Ryan and Graham have grown so much closer as Ryan slowly starts to let Graham in. I love their camaraderie and the understated love between them and I can’t wait for the episode where Ryan finally calls Graham ‘grandad’.

Graham too is brilliant. We see him return to his home and start properly coming to terms with a life without Grace and I love how it’s portrayed. New Who has an unfortunate tendency to really overegg the pudding when it wants to elicit an emotional reaction from the audience (see the Tenth Doctor’s farewell tour or the Eleventh and Twelfth Doctor’s ghastly final monologues). Chris Chibnall so far really seems to understand that less is more and the same is true here. There’s no obnoxiously loud sad music or sappy monologues. In fact the imaginary conversations Graham has with Grace are actually quite mundane, talking about when to put the bins out and things like that. What makes these scenes so powerful is Bradley Walsh. His performance, his facial expressions, everything he does sells the pain and heartbreak Graham is going through. It’s truly an acting masterclass that puts the previous showrunners attempts to tug at the heartstrings to shame.

I’m very curious to see what happens to Graham going forward. Him wanting to travel with the Doctor in order to cope with his grief and avoid knocking around an empty house is quite a compelling reason to become a companion. Haven’t really seen that done before. And... is it just me, but is this coming across as a bit... death wish-y? What with this and his cancer recovery as well, I’m deeply worried something bad is going to happen to him come the end of the series. I really hope not. I would be devastated.

Finally there’s Yasmin and... yeah, I’ve mentioned before how I’m not exactly warming to her. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her. Mandip Gill is doing a great job with the material she’s being given and Yasmin is a nice enough person, but as I’ve said in previous reviews, she comes off as a bit superfluous. Even the introduction of her family doesn’t really do much to establish her as a key member of Team TARDIS. In fact she’s coming across as an amalgamation of Rose Tyler and Martha Jones. Rose because of her desire to find something more in her life and Martha because she wants to get away from her boring and annoying one dimensional family. She doesn’t really stand out as her own character and I put it down mostly to the ensemble cast. It’s the classic case of ‘two is company, but three is a crowd.’ It’s the same reason why Susan and Adric got sidelined in the classic series (as well as the fact that Adric was an irritating little shit that deserved to be smacked upside the head) and she just pales in comparison to Ryan and Graham, whose characters and storylines are much stronger and more interesting. I really hope she gets a chance to shine soon because so far I honestly couldn’t care less about her, and considering she’s the first ever Muslim companion, that’s really disappointing.

Since we’ve shifted to criticism, lets talk about the supporting cast. Yasmin’s family, as I said, are quite boring. They’re just your typical family with the typical overbearing mum (maybe it’s time for New Who to consider stopping all the family stuff now). The scientist... exists, doing nothing other than to introduce the spiders as a plot device and occasionally give exposition on spider ecosystems. Finally there’s the hotel guy, played by Chris Noth who tries to wring every last drop of comedy out of the part and is actually quite amusing on occasion, but sadly doesn’t have an actual character as such other than being a painfully on the nose parody of Donald Trump. Not only is this futile in and of itself because some could argue that Trump is so extreme that he’s practically impossible to satirise, but also nothing ever really comes of it. He’s a prick at the beginning, he’s a prick at the end, and there’s no real payoff or satisfying closure. Not only does he not learn his lesson, I actually found myself agreeing with him a few times. Like what’s the difference between shooting the spiders and locking them in a panic room so they can eventually starve to death? And what was the Doctor planning to do once she herded the giant mummy spider out of the ballroom? Set it up in a nice cozy bedsit? And if it’s suffocating to death anyway because its lungs have grown too big and can’t absorb enough oxygen, wouldn’t shooting it be the kindest thing to do at that point?

While I’m on the subject of guns, how the fuck is his bodyguard able to get away with carrying a gun in Sheffield? You’re not in America now, sunshine. And how come Yasmin, the police officer, doesn’t do anything about it or the fact that her mother was wrongfully dismissed? (at gunpoint. I need to keep pointing that out. Her mum was fired from her job at gunpoint in Sheffield). Come on Chibnall!

Arachnids In The UK has flaws to be sure, but its excellent execution of the main plot and threat as well as its genuinely touching and heartwarming moments between the main characters that help it stand out. The weakest episode so far, but still very enjoyable.

#arachnids in the uk #chris chibnall #doctor who #thirteenth doctor #jodie whittaker #graham o'brien #yasmin khan #mandip gill #ryan sinclair #tosin cole #bbc #review #spoilers

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