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dourpeep · 3 years

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The men of Genshin as romance types:

This just kind popped up in my head after thinking about Xiao's characterization! I might add to this in the future, but for now it's just a small list of headcanons + a short blurb :>

Contains: Lots of fluff, lightly suggestive

Features: Albedo, Venti, Kaeya, Xiao, Zhongli, Childe, and Diluc

Note: you can be soft and still top btw, this is only for how they'd be romantically

Sweet:

Albedo

Albedo is also shown canonically to do little gestures like give people the sketch he did of them to see them smile, this man might seem kinda standoffish at first, but he's not cold

From his voicelines and story, we also know that Albedo is the type of person to think pretty deeply about everything around him

His brain goes 100 miles an hour with all the possibilities and scenarios he can think of

So with his s/o, the best thing that could happen is that he'll take the time to really slow down and unwind

Being a busy, busy man in pursuit of knowledge beyond anyone's comprehension, Albedo rarely gets time off (his sketches are considered research, in a way, no?)

So once he's finally at home, there will be lots of little shows of affection

Passing behind you, perhaps a light touch on your back or shoulder to let you know he's there

On a particularly rough day, he'll sit facing you with his forehead resting on your chest and just--take your hands and put them in his hair

Not really the type to pamper, but there's no doubt of his love

Probably the type of guy to like sitting close in silence

Maybe on the nights you cook, he'll come and wrap his arms around your waist, head leaning on your shoulder as he watches you work

Quietly, you lay on the couch tangled up in his arms, the soft sound of breathing and the light warmth you feel lulling you to sleep. It seems that, even though Albedo is left half asleep from a long day of research, he still continues to trace mindless little patterns on the back of your hand with his thumb. You shift, and he hums, pulling you closer.

Venti

The man’s been through so much, honestly

He's lost his closest friend, helped a rebellion usurp a tyrant, been through a war that lasted centuries, watched as another friend he'd known since birth fall to corruption (but ultimately was saved)

Point being, he's tired and just wants to have his fun

True to his nature, he likes to tease and poke at his s/o, but nothing that can't be undone (after all, a prank isn't funny if it's permanent)

Hand holding, is a must! Venti is a very affectionate person who isn't afraid to express his feelings when it comes to his s/o

Lots of smooches too! (Please smooch him back)

Speaking of hands and smooches, he's the type to bring your hand to his lips and give each your fingertips a little kiss. They've done so much for you and allow him the joy of holding them, so it's the least he can do!

His type of love is free and sweeter than the scent of cecelias, soft as the wind that kisses your skin

Really, he wants to be able to treasure you as much as he can in the time you have together

Today was a picnic date kind of day. A basket filled with fresh, ripe sunsettias and a few dishes you both worked together to make (mostly you, after what happened with Venti's apple cake) sat on top of a sturdy blanket laid on the grass. Head laid in your lap, the wandering bard strummed idly on his lyre, adding a lovely backdrop to an already perfect day.

Romantic:

Kaeya

Of course, the suave Captain doesn't stop with honeyed words

Mysterious as he is, he takes what he does in stride

If he could spend all his life entwined with you, he'd die a happy man

Kaeya is the type of partner to romance with candlelight and nighttime strolls on the beach

A little cheesy, yes, but all the more to sweep you off your feet

Flirty, he likes to take his time with his love and while he similarly treasures his s/o, it's in the way the fairytales are written

Perhaps a little cliche at times

Nevertheless, he's the type of partner to sweep you into a dance despite there being no music and dip you low (whether you both lose balance and fall is up to gravity)

He'll show his affection physically, whether through a quick kiss when you stop by the Favonious Knight's HQ, or pulling you close when you walk through a crowd on a market day

Teasing is also a big thing, if he can make you blush, his mission is accomplished

In privacy, expect his treatment to be the same--it wouldn't do any good if he leaves his dear s/o confused about how he feels

Once again, you take his hand and he sweeps you into a lively waltz, sweeping across the living room floor. Not once do his eyes leave yours. All he ever needs is the feel of you close and the rush of his heart in his chest that bubbles into something fonder when your laugh reaches his ears.

Xiao

Not the best with words, Xiao shows his love through his actions

Little gifts, helping now and then with commissions and clearing the road, he'll do it all with no expectation of thanks (should you thank him, he'll be extremely grateful for the recognition but also perhaps unsure how to react)

He doesn't tend towards physically showing affection to his s/o, so when he does, expect them to show his utter devotion

Often, Xiao questions what it is that he did to deserve such a love, but as soon as you appear in his view, it no longer matters because as long as you believe him to be worthy, why wouldn't he be?

His love is based deeply in trust. The heart is a fragile thing and to someone who's suffered so much in his lifetime, he guards it fiercely to protect himself

When he finally does allow himself the comfort of a relationship, he'll soak it up entirely

Nights spent stargazing on the top of Wangshu Inn, pinkies intertwined, or bodies held together tightly with the sweet exchange of breath

Every touch that he offers is gentle, reverent, and serves to remind him that what he's experiencing is real

He tried, really, for the thing on the plate to turn out the way that you usually make it. It's a far cry from what he remembers, but you set it down and bring your hands to his face. The sight of your beaming smile warms him deeply and he pulls you in close for a kiss.

Zhongli

Be still, my beating heart-

Just as he's full of information from the flowers of Liyue to the deepest cracks in the soil, he loves fully and unapologetically

He's lived through many eras and seen so much that it's hard to not want to express how he feels as he feels it

Deeply appreciative of whatever his s/o does and does for him

He indulges in every word, touch, feeling, and look- He's not a greedy man, but when it comes to love? There's a deep desire to feel it all

There are many ways that Zhongli expresses that love, a few being through your daily strolls through Liyue Harbor and the daily and nightly rituals the two of you have settled down into

His favorite is probably the mornings

There's something about waking up wrapped up in your lover's arms, head resting on their chest as the sun's warm beams shine through the windows that's utterly satisfying

Zhongli indulges in these little moments, favoring them over all else

Once in a while, he'll take you back to where your first date was to reminisce, perhaps even (jokingly) mention little embarrassing things either of you did

Zhongli watches as you sip at your drink and admires the way the sun compliments your eyes. You're preoccupied by the falling leaves, it seems, mentioning how they're just as brilliant gold as his. Though the feeling he feels is far from the excitement of butterflies, it has settled into a comforting sort of warmth that hopes you feel as well.

Passionate:

Childe

This man's love is wild like his personality

Loud, fun, and never quite predictable, he loves like a whirlwind and with an enthusiasm to match no other

Lots of teasing going on here, to make you blush or to mess with you, you'll never know

But it's his unapologetic fire that drew you to him to begin with

When he's not occupied with work, he'll drag you to go sight seeing

Every experience is a new experience, no matter if it's something that seems so everyday or not

His affection is in the form of tightly held hands (he doesn't want to lose you with how quickly he weaves through the crowd), well-placed winks, and kisses to steal your breath away

He also loves in a way that's fiercely protective. His job is a dangerous one and, with the way he's open with your relationship, his affection serves to protect you

But don't forget that despite his passion, he's a man who deeply treasures those close to him and, as his s/o, you'll be showered with only the best he can give you

It was only a quick break in your day, he'd assured, but it quickly became another round of seeing Liyue through his eyes. In the span of only an hour, you've already spotted an untouched patch of glaze lilies, sampled rich Li-style cuisine and fresh Yue-style cuisine, helped a young girl fetch her kite from atop a tree, and now are working your way (or rather, Childe is working your way for you) to a little area behind the busy streets to show you a pack of dogs he'd befriended. Fondly, you smile and watch as he beckons them out of hiding.

Diluc

Diluc lives for the way that his s/o brings the best out of him and, in return, he does the same back

He exudes the air of a gentleman with the way he shows his affection, but, whether intentionally or not, in an utterly enticing way

Being busy during the day with running the tavern and the winery as well as at night as the Darknight Hero (he insists you stop calling him that as well, but you don't miss the light flush of pride each time), the time he dedicates to you is left in the early morning long before you leave for the day and the evening as he settles just before he sets off

During morning time, he's often fond of running his hands over you, feeling each dip and curve, memorizing the way your hair falls and the way your lips curve when you smile

It's a quiet sort of passion

His love is expressed in the fond murmurs against your shoulder and head, sharing those moments of deep intimacy both physical and not

In the evenings, you both settle in front of the fireplace, sharing a drink or two

There's sometimes a certain look in his eye that sets your heart aflame in the dimly lit room, and sometimes he sets off a little later that night in lieu of a few more stolen moments with you

Diluc slides into your shared bed in the early hours of the morning, a bit later than usual. The shift stirs you just enough to wake up to two arms pulling you to his chest and a deep breath with his nose buried in your hair. He's no doubt exhausted. Eyes bleary, you turn until you're facing him and loosely wrap an arm around his waist. In the moments you're still half-awake, you hear a low murmur of 'love you' and you smile against his skin.

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embrassemoi · 3 years

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Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 18

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader CW: mentions of abuse, throwing up, depression, horrible coping mechanisms, implied sexual references A/N: Read CW for this chap.

【 Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter 】

Chapter 18: Love Isn’t a Magic Potion

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February 14th, 1976

There wasn’t quite another person like James Potter who knew what unrequited love felt like.

After years of harbouring feelings for Lily, making a fool of himself, his failed attempts of trying to impress her; she never seemed to take interest. Lily always sent him disgusted looks, never passing up the opportunity to call him a dirty arrogant toe-rag.

And sure, it phased him sometimes; her words cutting deep, but despite it all, James still believed in the fairytales, the sparks, the magic of true love, finding your soulmate — your better half. His parents were his main inspiration for love. Years — decades they’d been together and still, the love they held for one another, so fierce and unstoppable, it even shocked James at times.

A long time ago, when he truly understood the concept of love, he made a promise that he wouldn’t settle for anything but for the fairytales, the sparks, the magic of true love, finding his soulmate — his better half.

He wanted all of it. The good days, the bad days, the glitter and sparkles, the cheesy one-liners; long walks on the beach, nursing them back to health after they caught the flu, watching the sunsets, dancing in the rain — even the stupid petty arguments. He wanted all of it.

No matter how long it took to find them, he would; after all, everyone had their person.

Maybe that’s why he chased after Lily for so long — hoping for that romantic love — the love that’s made for movie screens — the type of love that conquered all. But he wouldn’t continue to beat on a dead horse, especially if Lily didn’t want that.

He wouldn’t force her and certainly, he wouldn’t harass her.

But, James would consider himself lucky, he found his friends — they were already his platonic soulmates and he’d go to the ends of the earth for each of them. His parents, the Marauders, Marlene, now Whiskers; he was always surrounded by only the purest amount of love.

He was never a person to cover up his emotions — hardly, that is. He wore his heart proudly on his sleeve, never once letting others dictate his life and the way that he loved. He laid himself bare, open, and there was a beauty to it that words couldn’t describe.

Love truly conquered all, whether it be romantic or platonic.

But to the women that fell in love with Sirius Black, well — there wasn’t quite another group of people like them who knew what unrequited love felt like — not even James ‘Oi, Evans!’ Potter could compare.

Love is shit.

Love is cruel.

Love is unfair.

Sirius would go on date after date. One fleeting look and soon enough, he had women at his feet, falling for his devilish charm that captivated them in seconds.

They swooned over his chiselled jaw and thick glossy hair; eyes so mysterious with profound, moonlit mirth. The epicanthic folds highlighted his sharp and pointed look that they swore cut through them, searching through the deepest part of their souls.

He was a part or used to be a part of the oldest and most noble Pureblood families in the country. He was rich, of high status, French, could speak five languages and a mischievous bad boy straight out of your classic Muggle film.

Falling in love with Sirius Black was an easy task, so simple and it could happen in a blink of an eye. The realization would come either fast or slow depending on the poor lovesick git who let themselves fall.

But getting Sirius Black to return that affection was an impossible task.

He was raised as a gentleman and would play the part before becoming bored. They were all fillers, the people he dated.

He would admit it, he’s a bit of a dick.

He never fell in love with anyone he’s dated so far — never got past the fancying stage and even then, it was never strong. It never made him feel those butterflies that James described them as. His heart never jumped, never sped up fast, he never felt his skin heat nor did their laugh ever put him into a trance — nothing like what he described them to be like. If anything, he’d always break it off with the girls he found himself getting too comfortable with; always severing it before it became too much.

Although, it technically never was his fault that they fell in love. Most of his admirers like to daydream from afar, or they’d make a promise at the beginning — no strings attached.

Well for them, it did. It almost always ended with strings attached with Sirius holding a pair of shiny scissors at the end of fried thread.

He did not believe in the fairytales, the sparks, the magic of true love, finding your soulmate — your better half.

But that doesn't mean he didn’t want it.

But, above all, Sirius Black considered himself to be a realist. Unlike James, he couldn't — he wouldn’t let himself believe in that shit anymore. Love is disappointing and it does nothing but hurt you, nothing but a filler he used to distract himself with, no matter who it was. Love did not fix his fuck ups nor himself.

All of the adoring admirers, the ones that lined up for him, they would all leave if they caught a glimpse of the worst parts of him. The ugly, nasty parts. He used rage as a means of defence, he pushed the people he loves away, he was moody, dramatic and above all, reckless.

All they wanted was to take, use him for his body — they wouldn’t love him if they knew him. The real him: the ugly side along with the beautiful one he wore. The side that wasn’t always adventurous, daring, bold, brave… happy, go-getting.

Nobody would stay for the ugly part of him.

In that regard, Sirius was unloveable. Completely, utterly unloveable.

Currently, the uglier, caged part of Sirius re-emerged as he writhed around in his bed. Eyes moved rapidly behind eyelids, squinted in pain as he squirmed around, clutching the bed sheets tightly. His head flopped from side to side as he was unable to wake; stuck in a nightmare.

“You mudblood lover —” “Don’t call them that!” “Babies, Regulus, babies!” “It’s killing me to stay.” “CRUCI —”

Sirius woke with a jolt, choking on a strangled scream that clawed at his throat. His mind seemed to be encased in a wordless static, muting him to the noise around him as he felt the rapid, hard thumps against his chest. Distantly, he could feel his body raking in waves as the sticky, cold feeling of his sweat dripped from his temple and down the side of his face. It made his hair stick to his forehead uncomfortably yet somehow, despite the sweating and the overwhelming feeling of heat, he felt ice cold.

He swallowed thickly, sniffingly away the stinging growing behind his eyelids but failed as a few stray tears had already settled on his cheeks. Sirius looked around frantically, meeting the familiar red and gold bed sheets that were now pushed off of him as he sat upright in his bed. Red velvet drapes hung around the sides, pulled together as slivers of bright light sliced through them. It made him squint and focus on the surroundings.

Soon enough, it felt like a weight lifted off his chest, marked in unspoken forgiveness once realizing where he was.

You’re safe, his inner voice spoke firmly, It was just a dream. A dream.

“Wakey, wakey Padfoot!”

He had just enough time to wipe the freshly fallen tears away before James ripped back his curtains, jumping into his bed. He drew a deep sigh, avoiding James’ eyes and trained them to look outside.

Upon the grass and mountains, snow sprinkled on much like sugar over a cake. The distant chirping of birds could be heard singing their usual song, or more like an alarm clock, as they soared high in the sky without a worry in the world.

If only Sirius could be a bird, what a simple life he would lead.

“Fuck you,” groaned Remus, “He might be awake, but I’m not.” His eyes clenched in annoyance, throwing his blanket over his head.

“Well aren’t you lovely? Isn’t he, Sirius?”

“The loveliest,” he managed to grit out, throat groggy and dry.

“Shut up!”

“Okay, calm down big bad wolf.”

“Well,” he mocks James, his voice going an octave higher, “This big bad wolf can maul you.”

James beamed brightly, the ever morning person he was, unaffected by Moony’s response. Instead, he padded his way over to him, shaking him before Remus flipped the covers off his body, tackling him into his bed.

“Do you guys think I should cut my hair?” James managed to get out as he gasped. Remus sprawled out on top of him, pinning him in place as he was being crushed from his weight. “I want to make sure I look good for today.”

“You’re always in need of a trim,” Peter called out.

“You look fine,” Remus added, “Besides, you and scissors are not a good move right now.”

Meanwhile, Sirius’ stomach felt hollow, worry ate at his very being before he felt something rise within his throat. Quickly, swinging his legs over the edge, Sirius made his way to the loo in a rush while James and Remus were both distracted.

Peter was there, rifling through the cabinets with his toothbrush dangling from his lips. “Morning,” he said, not quite looking over to him, “Do we have any more toothpaste? I keep telling Prongs not to use so much…”

“Get out,” he managed to say before shoving Peter out of the door, closing it shut. He barely managed to cast a silencing charm before opening the lid of the toilet seat, throwing up. For the most part, Sirius gagged on air before finally attempting to collect himself, preventing hyperventilation.

Foolishly, even up until that dreaded night, Sirius had an ounce of hope. For what exactly, he wasn’t sure. Perhaps it was hope that Regulus might have turned out different, or maybe it was hope that he’d finally be accepted, even though he knew that would never be the case — never with parents like Walburga or Orion.

But every time he dared to dream, to hope, he was always quickly reminded why it hurt. Hope was dangerous, a false sense of reality — a taste of what people dreamt and chase for but could never quite grasp.

It was more addicting than any kind of alcohol he drank — or the girls — or pranks.

Eventually, he got up from the floor, jumped in the shower and followed his morning routine before wrapping a towel around himself and stepped out.

Sirius was drying his hair before catching a glimpse of himself in the large mirror in front of the sink.

Sirius had never been insecure about the way he looked. A part of him, the arrogant and narcissistic part of him knew that he looked good and he’d flaunt it. But there were times like today, where he’d look at himself, but feel as if he’s looking at a familiar face that wasn’t his — a monster reflected back.

He wondered if this is what Moony felt like.

For a moment, Sirius let his face rest, allowing the helpless, loitering fear and guilt he felt engrave its way onto the smooth surface of his skin.

The eyes looking back at him today were his father’s, his hair reminded him too much of Regulus, his high cheekbones reminded him of Walburga and the tired, slightly crazed look reminded him of Bellatrix.

A member of the Black family, that's what people saw when they first looked at Sirius, the heir of the most noble and ancient house of Black.

Sirius Orion Black.

Orion Black… Even his name made him want to cry out in rage. Another reminder.

Pushing back his wet hair, he studied the faded scar that disappeared into his hairline.

It was more apparent than ever that Sirius had scars.

But unlike James, whose scars were from happy memories of the Quidditch pitch, or Peter, whose only scars were from chopping chocolate for a fancy baking recipe — and lastly, Remus, whose scars were visible, laid out for everyone to see, Sirius’ scars were invisible.

He wore them day in and day out without anyone ever knowing.

With a blink, he drowned out his thoughts immediately; his dreams, his past, his thoughts were for another time.

He sucked in a breath, clicking the door open.

Remus was the only other person still in the dorm. He stood in front of the mirror, buttoning up his white school shirt before ducking down and grabbed his bag, shoving in books, his wand and any other loose pages of parchment that he assumed was for his little study group.

“Where’s Wormy and James?” He asked, not liking the way his voice sounded wobbly and hoarse. His eyes no longer peered up at his chap, instead looking around the room. Anywhere but his face.

Thankfully, Moony didn’t seem to notice, preoccupied with the now overflowing pile of Valentine gifts and cards on his bedside. He grew frustrated with them with every passing second as they littered his space.

“Accio bin!”

The black bin from across the room flew into Remus’ hand, quickly shoving the letters in but soon a guilty look flashed across his face.

Remus had always been too considerate about their feelings, perhaps Sirius should take a page from his book.

Sirius had a pile accumulating on the carpet beside his trunk; it seemed like more and more people every year were confessing their feelings, but this time, Remus seemed to be getting a lot more along with the rest of the Marauders. But he smiled, happy to know that Remus had been getting some action. He fucking needed it.

“Er — sorry, Pete’s off to Wood’s room to borrow their toothpaste and James —” Remus cut himself off, bringing a hand to the sides of his temples as he moved them in circular motions. “I’m pretty sure Prongs went to find Y/N. Something about finishing a sign or a song for today —”

Sirius bit back a laugh, “A song?”

“I guess he’s fucking Paul McCartney now.”

Remus passed him, disappeared into the loo, giving enough time for Sirius to get dressed.

It was his third dream that week about that night and it was wearing down on him emotionally. He was losing sleep, he wasn’t eating, he was reclining from the Marauders, he was so prone to anger; lashing out, yelling… he didn’t like how he was acting — it reminded him too much of Orion.

And the thought made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to be a monster.

Lost in his depressing thoughts, Remus re-entered the room. But instead of walking up to his bed, Remus halted, looking directly at him before he crossed the room, putting a protective, encouraging hand onto his shoulder. A serious and calculated look crossed his face.

“Do you need anything?” He spoke in a hushed voice, as if he were to speak any louder, the walls might hear.

Sirius felt unexpected annoyance brewing in his chest. Bloody fucking Lupin, of course he knew — using his heightened senses to sniff out his distress.

Unlike Sirius, who hid his emotions, who covered and buried even a sign of weakness, who searched for answers high and low, Remus was so blunt — clear cut with his emotions. He knew just what to say, knew what was happening before others did even if they hadn’t even spoken yet.

He wished his thought process was as clear-cut as Moony’s.

“What do you mean? I’m fine,” he said, faking nonchalance. Jokingly, he prodded Remus’ cheek with his finger, “Turning into Moomy, again?”

His friend did not smile, concern still latched on.

“You know I’m always here for —” Before he could say anything more, Sirius hastily grabbed his bag, slinging over his shoulder, bolting out of the room.

Hiding — running away from his problems — that’s what Sirius was an expert on. And like that, he switched off that part — the ugly, unloveable part of his brain for the day.

When Sirius reached the Great Hall, he wasn’t surprised when a dozen owls bombarded him with letters and chocolates. It brought a sly smile to his lips

What? He did say he was arrogant.

“Looking grand, Black,” Marlene teased as she observed the overflowing amount of cards already in his arms. She ruffled his hair as he was forced to take the seat next to L/N. Marlene turned to chat with Dorcas, who finally was back on her feet and kicking it.

“It’s not even eight and your bag is filled?!” Peter exclaimed, baffled.

A part of Sirius didn’t feel annoyed as he sat beside her. Maybe it was because his main stressor, the Black family, was out of the picture and he’d been desperately trying to control his lash outs, but Sirius was stumped. Since the break, especially after the ‘Muggle’ incident, he found himself tolerating her presence.

Just a bit.

He understood why James, Remus, Lily, Marlene; why everyone took a liking to her.

But he had an inkling as to why.

Although, his mixed feelings towards her were not helping in the slightest as he dealt with the string of recent events in his life.

She was the one that spoke first, which surprised him.

“Ugh —” Y/N fiddled with the hem of her robes, “Kettleburn wants us to switch the Puffeskin between us. I was thinking since we’re in the same house, we could keep it in one of our dorms. I was thinking about keeping it in yours.”

“Why not yours?”

“They liked to hatch in warm places. Your dorm has a fireplace, right? I remember James telling me you had one… And it would make it easier since women can go into the boy’s dorms.”

For some reason, he couldn’t stop himself — he just couldn’t. “I bet you’re trying to get off quick.”

The accusations did not sit right with her.

For someone like Sirius, someone who dealt with the worst shit imaginable; someone who'd been beaten down, both metaphorically and literally — someone who by the textbook was supposed to curl in on himself — keep to himself, be small, avoid drama, don’t cause arguments — Sirius did anything but that. Everything he did, he made sure to cause a reaction.

“No —”

“Are we about to argue because you want to win, or is it because you want to learn?.”

“You’re so arrogant. I don’t need you for grades. Your brain probably grew twice in size when I turned you into a dog.”

“Didn’t ask.”

“Then why are you replying?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Very creative.”

“Do you ever just shut up?” She snaps. Her face inched closer to his.

Unbeknownst to her, for a second, a second that he’d never admit, Sirius' brain falters. They hadn’t been this close to each other since that day after Kettleburn had assigned their group project. He catches the smell of faint floral — tulips, he thinks. Or maybe vanilla? Books? Tea? He couldn’t place it.

But his heart did a funny thing. It never does a funny thing like that and it concerns him. He wasn’t sick, was he?

Silence lingers.

L/N scoffed, “Well finally, it looks like you have.”

Although, she seems completely unphased by their closeness.

“Huh, you really do shut up.”

He snorts, his brain finally working again. “You nag an awful lot.”

“Well, you —”

“Whiskers. You’re a woman, how do I look?” James asked. He came bouncing up to them across the hall from the entrance. He twirls a little, showing off his outfit. In one hand, he held a sign and a bunch of roses. “Would you fancy me?”

“Dropping hints, are we, Potter?” She smirks playfully, “Anyway, I know you nicked that from Sirius.”

Sirius looked over to him, his head nodding up and down but was surprised that she noticed the difference, “She’s right, that is mine. Maybe that’s why you look so good.” He meant for the remark to come off as a joke, but cringed as the words spewed from his mouth. He sounded like a complete arse.

James ignores him, “I have everything planned.” Then, he holds up a sign, all in baby pink with hearts dancing across the page as a huge message declaring his affection for Emmeline was written in bold fonts. I looked fairly cheesy, but that was James for you. A romantic at heart.

“Well,” he starts, clearly happy, “Do you like it?! I’ve also got a song written!”

“Remember the last time you wrote someone a —”

Y/N kicked him, hard, under the table, which caused Sirius to look at her sharply before his face turned annoyed again. She hadn’t even glanced his way yet. She continued to calm James down, giving him a pep talk while Sirius would jump in with encouraging words.

“Of course we love it — is it for Lily or —”

James shakes his head and they both knew who he was referring to.

“— Then Emmeline will love it even more! Get the girl, Bambi!”

James smiled triumphantly, sticking his fist out for a fist bump before running off happily towards the Ravenclaw table.

“Y’know,” Y/N starts, talking to Sirius as they both watch as James gets up on the table, preparing to serenade Emmeline in front of the entire Great Hall with a guitar that vaguely looks like Remus’. “You can choose not to be a dick.”

Surprisingly, he laughed, small, but there. And then, he finds himself responding to her comments, “I beg to differ.”

“Then beg.”

Sirius’ eyes widened, feeling his mouth go dry. He bit the inside of his cheek, eyes fluttering shut a couple times. It didn’t help that she smirked at his reaction and it made Sirius feel funny. An odd swoop piddled at the base of his stomach.

“I’ll take that into consideration for later,” he settled on.

Remus and Lily waltzed into the room, both holding small cards of their own. L/N and Sirius shuffled over as much as they could to fit in with both Remus and Lily.

A part of Sirius’ routine had started incorporating Lily doing his hair. Most often, she did pretty braids or buns — but of course, not without James pouting to him later. He only hoped that with Emmeline’s new presence, James would stop.

“Ooo la-la!” Y/N mocked, swiping one of the cards from Lily and Remus. “You two are popular.” She turned to face Lily.

“It’s n-nothing, really, “Lily stuttered, her head ducking down. But her eyes seemed to look up at her, seemingly in hope of some recognition.

“Don’t be so modest!”

“A-hem!” James’ bostal voice. His foot wobbled on the edge of the table that made them all nervous if he were to fall. He finally concluded his song. Lily looked over and smiled, glad to know that James had finally chosen a different target to annoy.

“Fuckin’ barmy,” Remus muttered out, a hand going to cover his mouth in suspense. His hand travelled down to his chin-stroking his jaw.

“Emmeline, thou beauty —”

“Oh my god,” groaned Remus again, sinking in his seat from the second embarrassment but smiling nevertheless.

However, Marlene whopped loudly, a large grin on her face.

Lily looked over to the scene, her eyes finding their way back to L/N, Peter paled slightly at the scene, Marlene was howling in laughter along with Sirius.

But much like himself, L/N found herself laughing with them too.

Her laughter rang out, and Sirius found himself drawn to the noise. But what was worse, was that he wanted to hear it again.

And even though he knew that other women and even men were staring at him right now, ready to give him all their affection and attention, Sirius found himself unable to look away from her.

He felt his palms getting sweaty, his heart beat harder, he wanted to sit closer to her and a smile tugged at his lips but he forced it down.

Fuck.

It was almost as the realization hit him there like a thousand tidal waves.

His heart jumped, it sped up fast, he felt his skin heat and her laugh put him into a trance — everything like what James described it to feel like.

If it was what he thought it was, Sirius wasn’t quite pleased with his newfound knowledge. He already had too much shit to deal with and certainly, someone like her was not worth it.

As the thought arose, there was something else that pulled him from these thoughts; it was the very shit that Sirius was dealing with, coming to haunt him again.

Regulus entered the Great Hall and Sirius had the urge to run to the nearest bin again. He hadn’t seen him since that night.

Within seconds, Regulus sensed his gaze and their eyes locked.

He wasn’t proud of Regulus, if anything, Sirius resented him — hated him and his entire body spiked in anger as he stared at him. He chose his path. But he couldn’t help but feel immense, dreadful guilt.

He could’ve done more, been there for him more, talked to him more. There were so many possibilities, so many outcomes and Sirius managed to end up with one of the worst paths imaginable.

He both wanted to scoop him up in his arms, cry — hold onto him tight like how they used to years ago, but the other part also wanted to take a Beater’s bat and swing a Bludger at his head.

His head shook slightly, just enough for Regulus to get the hint.

There was a hard, hopeless expression on Regulus’ face as he seemed to take a sharp inhale, his shoulders slumping within every passing second.

They were from two separate worlds, more evident than ever now. They weren’t brothers, not really.

Two of the brightest stars were torn apart forevermore.

Once the bell rang, Sirius sprang out of his seat and walked down the halls. He dodged owls, letters, chocolates and even a few love potions. There was a familiar void that punched its way through Sirius’ chest.

It was too early for firewhiskey, he couldn’t get knackered, he couldn’t talk to James, not when he was this happy and getting a pack of smokes from Remus — he’d bloody know within seconds what was wrong and call a Marauder's meeting or sort out some intervention for his sanity. Besides, he needed to apologize to Peter for how he acted that morning.

So the next best thing; snogging — a quick shag.

The next girl that tossed a flirtatious wink his way, he immediately approached. She was pale, had brown hair, soft skin and he vaguely recognized her but couldn’t quite place it. They flirted, Sirius would suggest it, she smiled, nodding her head and giving out a breathless sigh as Sirius dove for her lips, walking into the nearest broom closet.

Things were fast, almost a blur. She reached down, fumbling with his buckle before it clanked to the floor; he unbuttoned her top, hoisting her up and pushing them against a wall. She let out soft whimpers and he groaned into her neck.

The sensation, the building pleasure had left as soon as it came, leaving him feeling empty once more. He peeled off the girl, checking if she was alright like every other time. He didn’t know her name, forgetting it, and smiled awkwardly as she dressed.

He watched her leave the broom closet, the door clicking softly behind her. He could hear the faint scuffle of her shoes as she skipped down the hall excitedly. She had gotten what she wanted, a piece of Sirius; the Sirius that he put out — the pretty, nicely packaged Sirius.

Bent down, sinking to the floor, rocking on the balls of his feet, arms wrapped tightly around his legs and his head resting on his knees; emotions pooled through Sirius, attacking his frail heart.

Sirius laughs; it was dry, sad, pathetic, defeated. It was hard enough to hide with smiles, pranks, the random girls, sex, but those happy hormones that he craved, it was never, ever enough.

He couldn't go on like this, he had to fix something because something else was bound to break.

His laughing became strained as the walls of his throat began to close, eyes filling with tears. But now, finally alone, he let them cascade freely as his quiet sobs echoed in the dusty closest.

Love isn’t a magic potion.

━━━━━━━━━༻✩༺━━━━━━━━━

【I hope it was clear in this chapter that in no way am I trying to romanticize Sirius's trauma】

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chalkrevelations · 3 years

Text

OK. Ep 26 of Word of Honor.

(As always, spoilers, so scroll past and come back, if that’s not your bag right now.)

You know what? Let’s defy expectations and start with Xie’er and his Awful Yifu for this one, since apparently we’re going to spend the obligatory mid-episode extended emo-porn scene on Awful Yifu spinning, spinning, spinning his web of lies and deceit as he works his hardest to keep gaslighting the hell out of Xie Wang. Oh my god, Xie’er, you know the truth already, you don’t have to get Tragicomic Ghost to confirm it, you just don’t want to believe it. No, things will never be settled, and you know it. YES. Yes, he IS humiliating you. He also murdered your yimu, who you appear to have had some affection for, if your tone of voice when you said “Yimu …” means anything, and it probably does, with someone as affection-starved as you are.

So, all of this booted me straight back into the parallels between the Zhao Jing-Xie Wang relationship and the Prince Jin-Zhou Zishu relationship. Zhao Jing has effectively eliminated literally murdered any competing relationship in Xie’er’s life, just as Prince Jin was willing to let Zhou Zishu’s sect get entirely killed off, leaving ZZS alone and isolated. Awful Yifu explicitly compares the Scorpions to Tian Chuang, which touches on a comparison of Xie Wang and Zhou Zishu that’s always just lying around to pick up, as two young prodigies heading mega-successful assassin organizations (plus the fact that they seem to have crossed paths enough in the past for ZZS to know something about the Scorpions and to be very interested in going to their lair and messing up shit, even when he’s worked so hard at leaving everything else from his palace life behind). Zhao Jing also talks about how he relied on Xie Wang above everyone else and presses hard on themes of secrecy, anonymity, and darkness – “I had you support me in the dark” – that echo the motto of Tian Chuang: “Shadows without traces. Entry without exit. Know everything. Be everywhere. Prince Jin requested me to accomplish these four things when I created Window of Heaven,” Zhou Zishu said back in Ep 1. And now it’s also the poor yifu stories, about how Zhao Jing was in a terrible situation and just trying to help, but this unreasonable woman wouldn't let him, just like Prince Jin was in a terrible situation but couldn’t do anything because the previous Prince Jin wouldn’t listen to reason. Oh, and the hugs. We’re doing the hugs, just like Prince Jin when he really truly no really needed his cousin Zhou Zishu’s help so badly because who else could he depend on. (Stop touching them, you scumbags.) We’re family, you know, and that makes you special to me. Zhao Jing: Don’t abandon this relationship. Prince Jin: How can you leave me when everyone else has left me?

So, all that happened.

Meanwhile, we’re getting the repetition of the theme “Don’t fail me and I won’t fail you,” in the Xie Wang - Zhao Jing – Luo Fu Meng storyline, and I don’t know if this is worded as a mutual pact or as an “if, then” scenario (i.e., mutual agreement to just not fail each other, vs. if you don’t fail me, then I won’t fail you), and I think it’s been translated both ways in the subtitles. At any rate, I submit that it’s the ZZS/WKX relationship (and possibly the Cao Weining/Gu Xiang relationship, as its parallel) where we’re actually seeing this exact theme of faith and loyalty play out, although I don’t know if that will ever be made explicit in the text of the show. I’d actually go even further and say that, at least for Zhou Zishu, at this point, it could be said that “Even if you fail me, I won’t fail you.” I mean, let’s look at this: Just as Gu Xiang does in a previous ep, Wen Kexing’s response to the new big gossip in the jianghu re: Ghost Valley is NOT to tell his fiancé anything about his past, but to beat it out of town for home before Zhou Zishu (Cao Weining) can hear anything about it. Just as Gu Xiang does, Wen Kexing continues in stealth mode, and wow, ZZS’s face when he walks away after WKX claims he couldn’t find the painter in town, but don’t worry, he totally heard about this other guy he’s gonna go see eventually. Wen Kexing. He knows you are lying and yet he continues to respect the boundaries you are setting anyway. (He’s not happy about it, though. He’s kind of pissy at dinner. Poor Chengling.) He’s opened up to you about his deepest darkest secrets and failures and awful deeds, without blinking, trusting that it wouldn’t scare you away, with absolute faith that you’ll continue to be there. Maybe instead of waxing poetically mournful about the sunset (of your relationship), you could return that faith and let him know who you are. I realize you continue to be terrified of getting what you want, so terrified that all you can do is mentally and emotionally curl up into the smallest target possible, protecting all the tenderest and most vulnerable places, but we are in the place for healing wounded animals, and I really need you to get off the mental hamster wheel and THINK.

Anyway, while I don’t think ZZS could have gotten away with this lack of poker face as head of Tian Chuang – although who knows, maybe that’s actually the reason they cover their faces – I appreciate the acting/directing choice to have these expressions happen anyway, to clue us in that ZZS is a really smart guy, and he (unlike Cao Weining) knows what WKX (A-Xiang) isn’t telling him. (Also, it means Zhang Zhehan’s face, doing things. Anything. Whatever he wants to make it do … Anyway.)

Something’s got to break loose soon. Meanwhile, a few random thoughts:

Does … does that opening scene of Wen Kexing dreaming of protecting his puppy from those little brats have shades of his adopting A-Xiang, with related shades of his own shixiong-shidi relationship with Zhou Zishou that maybe possibly influenced his adoption of A-Xiang? I now have this mental image of him telling this story over family dinner, and A-Xiang as Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally: “I’m the dog?” Meanwhile, a mysterious stranger enters, and baby WKX is already smart enough to recognize Stranger Danger and not give out his name. If Drunk-Like-A-Dream shows you your greatest desires, what tf does all this mean? (Also, I think at the point where everyone in your household needs downers to sleep, it might be time to consider some therapy.)

If Tragicomic Ghost actually did go to the Healer Valley for treatment, it would explain that odd comment about not being able to saving WKX’s dad in a previous ep.

Finally, I know, Fan Shishu, A-Xiang is delightful, isn’t she! Nevertheless, you’re giving her some strange looks over dinner that I find possibly a bit concerning. However, in the dictionary under “cinnamon roll” there’s a picture of Cao Weining. I CANNOT with the way he and Gu Xiang look at each other. I love them so much, it makes me actually, literally clutch my chest with joy.

#xie wang #zhao jing #zhou zishu #wen kexing #gu xiang #cao weining #and a little bit #zhang chengling #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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nadziejastar · 5 years

Note

As someone who also feels like KH3 handled Isa all wrong--and, admittedly, a shameless LeaIsa shipper--I also feel like they handled Lea all wrong, too. He seeme... far too blase about losing a childhood friend. He knows Roxas and Xion one year and it's the end of the world when they're gone, but when it's Isa, it's like all his opinions and thoughts on the matter are an afterthought.I guess what I'm trying to ask is: What do you think of Lea's character in regards to Isa? (I LOVE YOUR BLOG BTW)

KH3 Destroyed Lea’s Character

Thank you so much! Oh, boy. I have a LOT to say about this. I was appalled by how Lea was handled in KH3. He was so blasé about even about his own backstory. He acted like being forced to follow Xemnas for a decade barely affected him. The only thing that mattered about his past was the mystery phantom girl. Isa was a total afterthought. They took away everything I liked about Lea’s character.

I found it so cringeworthy when Lea said he’ll bring everyone back, but “especially Roxas”. It didn’t even feel like Lea talking. Everything about KH3 felt like a bad fanfic written by a focus group trying to put in what they thought would have the most “popular” appeal.

No shame in being a LeaIsa shipper. I am, too. But I find that it goes even beyond just shipping with me. The handling of Lea’s relationship with Isa ruined his entire story and character arc. It spit on all of the core values of the series. These themes are all associated with the “Key to Return Hearts.” Ansem’s research data. The power of waking. Everything about Lea’s arc was about preparing him to learn it:

“What is it you are so afraid of?”

“Getting trapped in the darkness”

Mickey: You want him to dive back into Sora’s sleep? But Master, Sora’s heart is down in the darkest abyss. If Riku’s not careful, he might just get trapped down there with him.

If you are to use the power of waking, you can’t be afraid of the darkness. To wake the person, you risk getting lost in their abyss.

Mickey: You used the darkness to get here? That was reckless. But gosh, I didn’t expect you to save us…Axel.

Lea: Axel didn’t. My name is Lea. Got it memorized?

Well, the series went out of its way to show that Lea wasn’t afraid of that. He went looking for Isa as soon as he woke up. This was his childhood friend. They both experienced severe trauma together. They were both prisoners of Organization XIII for ten years. Isa’s personality totally changed after being in the Organization. Lea wanted to help him. He used the Corridors of Darkness and risked getting corrupted just to find him. But he was always smiling. He was happy to do it.

Why did Lea visit Disney Castle when he should have been looking for his friend?

To search for his friend he needed the power to move between worlds, and there is no way to do that other than become a Keyblade Wielder. At the time, wanting to be made a Keyblade Wielder, Lea saw a message recorded by Ansem the Wise in the past and, knowing it was dangerous, used the Corridors of Darkness once more to go talk with King Mickey and the others. That’s why after Maleficent left he was asking at the Mysterious Tower.

I spoke to one person who got the impression that in KH3D, Lea was barely concerned about Isa, and went looking for Roxas. No. He wasn’t looking for Roxas. Why would he be looking for Roxas? He knew exactly where he was. He went back inside Sora. That’s what Axel’s arc in KH2 was all about.

Isa was the one who was mysteriously missing. And while looking at the D.T.D, Lea said he was going to bring Braig and Isa back. I’m sure Lea had different plans for Braig when he brought him back than he did with Isa, lol. But he wanted to bring Isa back for the same reason he wanted to bring Roxas and Xion back. Because that’s his friend. I’m sure Lea would have asked Sora about Ventus, but he certainly wasn’t looking for Roxas. No, he was clearly looking for Isa.

“Causing someone to be hurt”

Naminé: At times, the pain can be wiped away. But there’s also a pain that always stays with you. There’s only one way to deal with that; you face it head-on and then you accept it. And if it happens that the hurt is too great for you to bear it alone, well, then you turn to a friend close to your heart.

Sora: It’ll bring us closer together; the hurt will only make us stronger. I’m willing to try! I’m ready to face all those memories that you found. It might have to be painful, but I can take it.

To use the power of waking, you have to be willing to deal with the consequences. The person went to sleep because they were experiencing too much pain. Being conscious means they’ll have to deal with that pain head-on. They’ll need someone to rely on during that time if they are to deal with it.

Axel: You can’t turn on the Organization! You get on their bad side, and they’ll destroy you!

Roxas: No one would miss me.

Axel: That’s not true… I would.

Axel wasn’t afraid of causing someone to be hurt if he thought it was for their own good. He wanted to prevent Roxas from being destroyed. He fought him to bring him back.

Xion: It’s for the good of everyone.

Axel: But how do you know that? Everybody thinks they’re right…

Xion: This is right.

Axel: They’re gonna destroy you!

And he did the same with Xion. He’d rather cause them temporary hurt than see them get destroyed. It was a fundamental aspect of his character. He’d always bring his friends back, even if he has to get his hands dirty.

“Losing something that’s important”

Axel: Huh…you’ve got a point. So, okay, say you don’t need a heart for things to be important to you… Maybe the closest thing we Nobodies have is our pasts. It’s the memories that give things value.

This is the correct answer. On Day 150, Axel said the most important thing to him was his memories of the past.

Day 150: Too Precious to Lose

Axel and I talked for a while about the things we can’t bear to lose. Axel thinks that for Nobodies, it’s our pasts, because that’s all we have to remember the pain of losing something. I don’t remember my past, but the idea of losing the present—Axel or Xion—scares me.

Because that’s all he has to remember the pain of losing something. Day 150 is called “Fear”. Axel was afraid of losing something important in the past.

Roxas: It’s scary to think I could lose you guys.

Axel: Scary? Scary’s a feeling, man.

Roxas: Yeah, I know I can’t feel, but… It’s still a scary thought.

Axel: A thought, then. But not a feeling.

Roxas: Are you sure?

Axel: Maybe you just remember what it’s like to feel scared, and think you’re feeling it now.

But now, he says that Nobodies can’t feel fear, and doubts Roxas when he says he’s afraid. This is because, unlike Roxas, he already lost what he considered most precious to him. He has nothing to fear anymore. He forgot what it felt like to be afraid of loss. He thinks it’s because he has no heart. But it’s really because he gave up on his dreams a long time ago. Roxas and Xion remind him of what it felt like to have a heart. They remind him of what it felt like to be afraid of loss. They were also supposed to remind him of something else important, but that will come up later.

“What is the one thing you care about more than anything else?“

“The hearts connected by light”

Mickey: There’s something real strong that binds us to each other. Even in the darkness, you can reach him. All you gotta do is follow that connection!

This is very important. To use the power of waking on someone, your connection has to be powerful. If you don’t have a strong connection, you can’t locate them. It’s why Riku and Mickey had trouble finding Aqua. They had only met her once.

Yen Sid: You’ll recall, in your first journey, that you brought many worlds back from the darkness–but some never returned completely. They still sleep, cut off from all outside channels. Not even the Heartless can enter.

You have to be able to go where they are—in the deepest, darkness abyss, where light doesn’t reach. Then you can lead them back to the Realm of Light. But that’s not all.

Fairy Godmother: Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. I appear to those who believe that dreams come true.

Aqua: Then I am honored. But why would you advise me not to fight darkness with light?

Fairy Godmother: Strong rays of sun create dark shadows. Sadly, Lady Tremaine and both her daughters are jealous of Cinderella’s charm and beauty, qualities that appear to you as “light.” Jealousy is darkness. Light and dark go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other.

Those who have been in the darkness long enough will be filled with dark qualities. Jealousy, anger, hate, rage, and sadness.

Xehanort: Master Eraqus, you see, is so afraid of darkness, that he too, has succumbed–not to darkness, but to light. It shines so bright, he forgets that light begets darkness. And Aqua and Ventus, their lights shine too bright. It is only natural that they cast shadows on your heart. Eraqus… He is such a fool! Light and darkness, they are a balance–one that must always be maintained.

The stronger the light, the greater the shadow. Your light only makes their darkness stronger.

Aqua: A pure heart filled with light… It’s strange, The Master taught me darkness needs to be destroyed. But how, if not with light?

Fairy Godmother: Oh, my dear, you’re too young to know. Experience more things, and you’ll find the answer. Just trust in your dreams.

To use the power of waking, you can’t destroy the person’s darkness with your heart of light. The Fairy Godmother hints that love is what can really bring a person out of darkness.

Terra: No… I succumbed to it. Just like when I stole Princess Aurora’s heart of light. I can never return home now. I’m a failure.

Having a strong light is only one part of it. You have to enter and accept a person’s darkness before you can lead them back into the light. You have to be able to ease their pain. This is why Eraqus failed to reach Terra. When Maleficent put Terra in a trance, Eraqus was the literal personification of his darkness.

Eraqus: No, you were right. I failed you, Terra. Perhaps I’ve no one to blame but myself for the darkness inside you. And now I’ve done worse–raised my Keyblade against you and Ventus. My own heart is darkness!

He was so concerned with getting rid of Terra’s darkness, that he failed to make him feel unconditionally loved. Terra began to doubt his master’s love for him, which only enhanced his darkness. He felt unworthy, feared rejection, and began to isolate himself. This made him extremely vulnerable to Xehanort’s manipulation.

Eraqus: Has the darkness taken you, Terra?

When Terra became a victim of Xehanort, Eraqus failed to understand him. He just assumed he was the same as Xehanort. In his fear, he thought he needed to destroy him. He realized that Terra turned to darkness because he hadn’t confronted the darkness in himself.

Aqua: The darkness can’t have you!

But Aqua was able to reach Terra. She cared more bout saving him from his darkness than she did about extinguishing his darkness. She stayed in the abyss just so he could escape. She was always lighting his way back.

“I’m fading… Fading away…into the light…?”

If he was a creature of darkness—if he couldn’t fight the darkness with his own strength—then there was no other way but for Sora to destroy him, Riku thought hazily.

And if someone had to destroy him…he would much rather that Sora do it than anyone else.

You have to recognize the darkness in yourself before you can help someone overcome theirs. Sora had plenty light and love. But that’s not enough to wake someone who is in the Realm of Sleep. He wasn’t supposed to be done developing. Riku was able to become a Keyblade master, while Sora did not. This was because he confronted the darkness within himself and overcame it. He suffered, and it made his heart stronger. He could resist greater levels of darkness than Sora could, because of his past experiences. He gained the power of waking and could enter the darkest abyss.

Sora: Exactly, believe. I thought it was all over for me, but a friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, “You don’t believe that.”

Sora broke down during the final battle, after everyone was wiped out and it seemed like all hope was lost. It was Riku’s words that had the most impact on him. I think Riku’s sacrifice was originally supposed to be the key. It would teach Sora the lesson he needed to finally learn the power of waking and bring everyone back. Riku was stronger in the face of darkness than he was. He sacrificed himself for Sora, and believed in him. Just like Axel did before. Sora finally realized what it was that he was lacking, thanks to Riku.

“We don’t disappear… We’re only reborn,” Naminé murmured, perhaps to herself.

“I’m not like you and Roxas,” Axel said flatly. His hand holding the ice pop stick paused in midair.

“But—but you…” She looked down, clenching her fists.

“It’s because I don’t have a heart,” Axel went on. “I don’t want to disappear, but I’m not upset or sad about it.”

Lea’s character arc was ALL about this. I mean, he was sneaking into the castle when experiments on the darkness of the heart were taking place. He knows that he’s got darkness in him. Axel saw himself as a creature of the dark, just like Riku did. He sacrificed himself, even when he had no hope for a next life. But he came out on the other side stronger than ever. All of his suffering would have prepared him to gain the power of waking.

“The strength to protect others”

Eraqus: You must know, I care for you like my own son. If I could have my way, I would name you Master in a second. But, how can I, when you are so obsessed with power? Terra, you mustn’t be afraid of losing. Fear leads to obsession with power, and obsession beckons the darkness.

Axel wasn’t like Terra. He was never concerned with becoming strong. Terra’s fear of losing led to his darkness.

Terra: Is there some reason you’re interested in the outside world?

Riku: Yeah. I wanna be strong one day. Like that kid who left. He went to the outside world– I bet he’s really strong now. I know it’s out there somewhere–the strength that I need.

And he wasn’t like Riku. He wasn’t competitive. He never tried to prove himself that way.

Larxene: Haven’t decided yet… I think what intrigues me more is what you see in him.

Axel: There was a time he became a Heartless. And if one becomes a Heartless—

Larxene: They lose their minds and their feelings… They’re consumed by the darkness.

Axel: Right. But not Sora. He held on to his feelings, even as a Heartless. And there’s only one other man who’s been able to do just that.

Larxene: It’s the strength of his heart… That’s what interests you. Why the Keyblade chose Sora’s heart.

Axel: To unlock the mysteries of the heart. Isn’t that the Organization’s mission?

It was the strength of Sora’s heart that interested him. He waned to know why the Keyblade chose him. When he saw how devoted Sora was to Riku, he decided to do everything he could to save him. After that, he changed and started to feel like protecting others. Lea didn’t ask to be a wielder because he wanted to be a strong fighter. He didn’t see himself as a peacekeeper or a Guardian of Light. The only reason he wanted to wield a Keyblade was to look Look for Isa.

“My close friends”

Riku: I told you. I didn’t want to be found. Not like this…I couldn’t. I fought with Ansem. With…Xehanort’s Heartless—when it invaded my heart, and I won. But to use the power of darkness, I had to become Ansem myself.

This is the correct answer. Riku reacted to his darkness by isolating himself from his close friends.

Aqua: I’m not so sure. I’ve been to the same worlds as you and I’ve seen what you’ve done. You shouldn’t put yourself so close to the darkness.

Ven: Listen to yourself, Aqua. Terra would never–

Terra: You mean you’ve been spying on me? Is that what he said to do? The Master’s orders?

So did Terra. He was ashamed and pushed Aqua and Ven away.

Axel: Does it hurt, Naminé? Watching your two childhood friends fight all because of you? You have my sympathies. From the heart. But don’t waste your time. We Nobodies can never hope to be somebodies.

Axel’s darkness was different from Terra and Riku’s. He didn’t push his friends away because of his darkness. His darkness was caused by losing everything, and being rejected by a close friend. He cared for his friends more than anything. It was the root cause of his hatred. He was wiling to kill Naminé because she was driving close friends apart.

Axel: We’ve got something in common, Kairi. You and I both miss someone we care about. Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.

Kairi: You’re not acting very friendly!

He kidnapped Kairi all because he wanted to see his close friend again.

“What do you wish?”

“To heal the pain from the past”

Terra: Is something wrong?

Cinderella: It’s just that my friends made me the most beautiful dress–but my stepmother and stepsisters ruined it. And I was so looking forward to the ball.

Terra: Darkness always finds a way into a wounded heart. You have to be strong. Strength of heart will carry you through the hardest of trials.

Cinderella: But I…I can’t believe…not anymore…

Axel’s pain was caused by losing something important in the past. He lost Isa, his best friend from childhood. And he also lost his connection to his inner child. He lost his innocence. His faith that his dreams could come true. His ability to believe.

Cinderella: There’s nothing left to believe in…nothing.

Voice: Nothing, my dear? Oh, now, you don’t really mean that.

Cinderella: Oh…but I do. It’s just no use.

Fairy Godmother: Nonsense! If you’d lost all your faith, I couldn’t be here, and here I am. Oh, come now, dry those tears. You can’t go to the ball looking like that.

I feel like people a lot of people missed the entire point of Roxas/Axel/Xion. I know Axel/Saïx was written with a lot of subtlety, but I’m surprised so many people just didn’t pick up on what the writers were getting at.

Terra: Her heart was full of light. Why didn’t I see it? What did you do? I can hardly tell she’s the same person.

Fairy Godmother: Terra, in your heart, do you believe that dreams can come true?

Terra: I do. But I also believe you have to make an effort to make them come true.

Roxas/Axel/Xion wasn’t created simply so they could sit around and be ice cream buddies in the epilogue. I mean, sheesh. How boring. Yes, they grew to be close friends. But there was supposed to be a lot more to it than that. There was something a lot more meaningful planned.

Fairy Godmother: Yes, of course. But sometimes just believing in dreams is easier said than done. Cinderella believes her dreams can come true. I wanted her to see that she is right.

Terra: So that’s what made her shine–faith in her heart that anything is possible. Where did she go?

Fairy Godmother: To the royal ball at the palace. Go. And when you see her dancing…you’ll know that she believes, and that will help you to believe, too.

Having strength of heart IS important. But in order to have that, first you need to believe.

Axel: I’m not feeling it, Roxas.

Roxas: C'mon, try again. Believe me on this, Axel!

Axel: Okay… I believe you…I can fly… I can fly!?

Roxas: You can fly.

Roxas and Xion reconnected Axel with his lost childhood. That’s why Axel had such an iconic moment in Neverland with Roxas.

But small fragments of light survived, in the hearts of children. With these fragments of light, children rebuilt the lost world. It’s the world we live in now.

They taught him to not give up hope. To believe. Lea knew how to believe. He said that inside people’s memories, he could live forever. Axel stopped believing this.

Day 118: You Changed, Not Me

Talking to Roxas and Xion always brings back memories of my human life, back when I was a kid. It’s a weird sensation. I ought to be able to share all this with Saïx, but I just don’t feel like it anymore.

Lea met Ven when he was a kid, on the day he ate sea-salt ice cream for the first time. On the day he said he wanted to live forever inside people’s memories. The same day Isa said he’d never forget him. When he began to spend time with Roxas and Xion, they reminded him of who he used to be, and all that he lost.

Axel: Nothing lasts forever, man. Least of all for a bunch of Nobodies. But you know, we’ll still have each other…even if things change and we can’t do this anymore.

Roxas: Yeah?

Axel: As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?

Axel said he didn’t have best friend, and that nothing lasts forever.

A wish that they could always be together—was longing for the impossible. But at least they could always remember one another.

He wished that that he and Isa were still inseparable, but that’s impossible. So he has to settle for just the memories.

It’s strange, but I’m content with just missing what’s gone. I’m not the one who changed. You did.

Axel never wanted to never forget his memories of Isa. As long as he had them, they’d never have to be apart. He began to believe in Isa, even though he didn’t realize it.

So, listen, child. Even in the deepest darkness, there will always be a light to guide you. Believe in the light, and the darkness will never defeat you. Your heart will shine with its power and push the darkness away.

I totally agree with you. He knew Roxas and Xion for one year. He cares about them. They mean a lot to him. But he’s not gonna forget his childhood friend and fellow prisoner of Organization XIII, just by becoming friends with them. That wasn’t what Roxas and Xion were meant to do. They weren’t there to replace Lea’s relationship with Isa. Just like Lea wasn’t there to replace Terra when he picked up Ven’s wooden Keyblade. Roxas and Xion were supposed to help Lea get Isa back.

Terra: There’s this girl here–her name is Cinderella. She made me realize how powerful it is just to believe. No matter how impossible things seem…a powerful enough dream will always be enough to light the darkness.

They were there to be Axel’s Cinderella. It wasn’t by accident that they chose two characters that had pure hearts of light. They were supposed to teach him to believe in his dreams. To fave faith that he can restore what he lost. To not give up on his friend. The same way Riku’s light inspired Terra to make amends with his friends.

“To protect my friends”

Terra: Funny… This whole time I’ve been telling myself I want to be stronger, more independent… But the second I let my heart do the talking… I find out how little I really know myself. And how much I miss them. That experiment of yours… You sure about him? Maybe, in his heart, he wants friends just like the rest of us.

Terra thought he wanted power. But he really wanted friendship more.

Terra: Strength for what?

Riku: To protect the things that matter. You know, like my friends.

Same with Riku. The only reason he wanted to become strong was to protect his friends. This is why Terra found Riku worthy enough to inherit the Keyblade.

Sora: What? You wanna be a Keyblade Master?

Lea: Yeah. I mean, I came here to learn how to wield one.

Sora & Riku: YOU!?

Lea: Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence. You know, I was gonna come swooping in, Keyblade in hand! But I just couldn’t get mine to materialize. Must be in the snap of the wrist or something.

Lea cares about his friends more than anything. He awakened his Keyblade after unsuccessfully trying to bring his friend back.

Yen Sid: I will tell you what your friend needs right now. It is not your protection. He needs you to believe.

But the power of waking its not about protection in that sense. It’s more important that you believe in them. Lea was overpowered in his battle at the Keyblade Graveyard. A lot of people were mad about this. But that’s because his victory wasn’t supposed to be about his strength at using the Keyblade. That wasn’t what his character was all about. It was the strength of his heart that really mattered. After Lea looked into Isa’s eyes, he stopped attacking. Then Xemnas broke his Keyblade. If Isa’s heart had broken free of Xehanort’s control and defended him, he wouldn’t have come across so disempowered. It would have been a victory of his heart.

Roxas: Hey, Axel. You haven’t forgotten?

Axel: Hm? What?

Roxas: You made us a promise.

Axel: I did?

When Axel had a dream of Roxas before he woke up, it was not to show that he went looking for him afterwards. It was to show how Lea reconnected with his old self. Now that he’s been recompleted, he feels full of hope. He was wrong. He was able to get his heart back. He did have a next life.

Roxas: That you’d always be there…to bring us back.

Axel: Yeah…

Roxas: Got it memorized?

Axel: Best friends forever.

Maybe his dreams still can come true. He can believe in that now. Roxas and Xion (when he remembers her) taught him that. And Sora made it all possible by defeating Xemnas. The most important thing to Axel was the past. He sought out Mickey to find Isa, even after everything his Nobody did.

Ansem: Our most precious treasures–even an empty puppet–the trees of the forest, and the petals on the wind–there are hearts around us everywhere we look. And it does not take superhuman powers to see them. Surely we remember as children the way our hearts made everything seem so shiny, and perfect. Sora has a heart like that–uncorrupted, willing to see the good before the bad. When he sees the heart in something, it then becomes real. When a connection seems broken, he may have the power to mend it.

Sora was supposed to do the same thing for Lea that Roxas and Xion did. He has the pure heart of a child. That’s the type of love needed to use the power of waking. Not anything superhuman. Just love. But unconditional love. The kind that’s willing to see the good before the bad. And that’s what Lea’s relationship with Isa was ALL ABOUT. Lea was willing to see the good in the bad. He was able to still see his beloved childhood friend in a Xehanort clone. He loved with the pure heart of a child. He never gave up on Isa’s pure childhood heart, either. This would have allowed him to mend their connection. I found the prospect SO touching.

Lea: Axel? Please. The name’s Lea. Got it memorized?

Xigbar: You’re not supposed to be here!

Lea: Promises to keep. I’ll always be there to get my friends back. What, bad timing?

In KH3, Lea acted SO out-of-character. I couldn’t believe how blasé he was about Isa. He acted nothing like he did before. I kept waiting for him to bring up Isa, and he never did. Then I saw the clock tower scene and was just speechless. The game was written like I was supposed to know already that Isa willingly joined Organization XIII. Well, I never got the memo, so I was very confused.

Nomura: In order to wield a Keyblade, the most important requirement is to be “the owner of a strong heart.” Regardless if it’s a good heart or a bad heart, a strong heart is necessary.

You need to believe before you can have true strength of heart. And you need a strong heart to wield a Keylade.

What happens to Lea hereafter now that he has become a Keyblade wielder?

Lea, having returned to his human form, chosen by the Keyblade. Does him getting a Keyblade have anything to do with his best friend Roxas? And is there a possibility that Lea’s become one of the protectors of Light?

Roxas and Xion (when he remembers her) taught Axel how to believe again. And because of this, Lea’s heart became strong enough to awaken the ability to wield the Keyblade. And thanks to them, Lea would have found out that Isa never forgot him; he was just asleep. It would have made Roxas/Xion/Axel SO much more meaningful if Lea learned the power of waking due to them. They would have made Lea’s dreams come true. How beautiful would that have been?

“Recover Something Important”

Riku: I remember my first time here. I was so scared. But now, my doubts and fears are gone. If anything, I feel exhilarated. And it’s not because there’s darkness in me. I know too well what that rush is like. This is different. And it’s not adrenaline either. I know Aqua needs us…but I’m ready. I’m in control now. Maybe it’s because you’re with me this time.

Mickey: It’s not me. I think it’s because you’ve finally found inside you that special strength to protect what matters.

Riku: What?

Mickey: Sometimes you care so much for somebody that other feelings disappear. And then there’s no room for doubt.

Riku: Is that it? “Strength to protect what matters”. It reminds me of a promise I made.

This is the right answer. The other two answers are important. But this is the MOST important. Healing pain from the past allows you to believe. Believing gives you strength of heart.

Hercules: I owe you one, Hades. I didn’t hesitate to give my life for Meg’s. And then, I remembered: A true hero is measured by the strength of his heart. I’ll never forget that again.

And strength of heart allows you to care about someone so much that nothing else matters. It gives you the strength to protect your friends. But also the power to recover something important that was lost.

Even though Axel had been eliminated in Kingdom Hearts II, since that time, had you considered having him appear again in his human form Lea?I thought a lot about that. Should I leave him as he was or should I bring him back again? However, when I considered the people that Lea wants to bring back, his existence plays a big role. I think Lea has successively become a key character.

Lea had people he wanted to bring back.

Nomura: Right now there are a lot of things that Lea wants to regain. That desire is connected to the strength of his heart.

His strong desire to regain something that he lost was directly connected to his strength of heart, and his ability to wield the Keyblade.

Though he’s a member of Organization XIII, Axel is shown in the end of KH Re:coded in the memories of “pain”…

Since healing the necessary “pain” of Axel’s is different than with other people, if he is revived he will take a form like Xehanort’s. In the end of the story, Namine says, “Those whose memories are sleeping inside Sora need relief.” In the KH BbS secret cutscene “Blank Points”, certain characters call out to Sora, however in that scene Axel is the only one who appears and doesn’t say Sora’s name out loud.

Axel doesn’t say Sora’s name out loud. Why? Because his pain was different according to Nomura. What makes his pain different?

Naminé: They’re waiting for Sora. He’s the only one who can put an end to their hurt. DiZ told me…he hid something inside you during the year you were asleep. I asked him what, and all he would say was that he was “clearing his conscience.”

Naminé: Sora must be the key to saving the people you saw…and the ones you’re about to see.

Asnem studied the heart’s connection to memory. He could bring back a person’s lost past. All the characters connected to Sora could be brought back that way. Naminé’s a part of Kairi, but Sora can thank her. Roxas can be revived through Ven getting his memories. Xion through Kairi. Aqua by Sora gaining access to Ven’s memories and using the power of waking. Ven, by bringing back Aqua. Terra, once Ven is saved. If this wasn’t the plan, then why was Sora supposed to be the key? In KH3, he wasn’t the key to bringing them back. But he was the one with the memories sleeping inside him.

Ansem: Sora was the only one able to return to his human form without destroying his Nobody. That is a statement to the love in his heart for other people, and the bonds that tie them together. Perhaps…he has the power to bring back the hearts and existences of those connected to him– to recreate people we thought were lost to us forever.

Sora is the key to healing all those characters’ pain. But he only has the power to bring back those connected to him. And Nomura’s quote suggested that Lea had pain that would NOT he healed by just bringing back the characters connected to Sora. It’s why he didn’t say Sora’s name out loud in Blank Points. He wouldn’t be fully healed with just Roxas and Xion. There was someone else he needed to bring back.

Lea (Axel) ended up playing an unexpected role. I was wondering what was running through your mind when you thought to make him a Keyblade wielder.

I figured since he had returned to being human, he wouldn’t have much luck bringing back the people he wanted without some sort of power. Throwing his chakrams doesn’t really count.

And he needed his own Keyblade to bring them back. He didn’t use his Keyblade to bring back Roxas and Xion. And Sora was supposed to be the one who needed to save them anyways.

Lea: You know what? I’ll bring ‘em back myself.

Ienzo: Huh? How, exactly?

Lea: Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs?

He wanted to bring back Braig and Isa.

“You both think you can do whatever you want!” He summoned his flame-wreathed chakrams to his hands. “I’m sick of it. Go on, you just keep running. But I’ll always be there to bring you back!”

It was a plea, a cry, a bitter lament, and a vow.

No matter how many times you leave, I’ll bring you back. Every time. Both of you. For my sake and for yours.

And he used the exact same words when he went looking for Xion.

But I told myself to grow up and stop wishing for the impossible. Well, I’m done with that. That’s not the answer I want.

This is what he was thinking before he went to get Xion. He wants to be with his friends. It’s impossible, but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s not content with just memories. That was his wish.

Lea said the same lines, “Why do I always get the icky jobs,” and “I’ll always be there to bring you back,” to Xion in KH Days when he brought her back. Does he remember that?

Nomura: The nature of the being known as Xion and all memories to do with her were erased, but he would remember other things.

Nomura said he didn’t remember Xion, though. So why did he use those exact words?

Xehanort: While I know this future now that I have lived it, returning to my own time will erase the memories and experiences I have gained here. Still, my appointed path is now etched in my heart, which will first lead me to seek the outside world.

Because those memories are etched into his heart. When deciding to look for Braig and Isa, he felt the exact same way as when he went to bring Xion back. He remembered what it felt like to wish for something impossible.

A wish that they could always be together—was longing for the impossible. But at least they could always remember one another.

He used to just accept that it was impossible. But that’s not what he wants anymore. He chose to believe in the Isa of his memories. He wants to recover that Isa, no matter how impossible it seems. His wish is to bring his friend back.

Yet in KH3, Lea gave up on Isa. Axel constantly complained that his friend’s personality completely changed. In KH3D, he just learned that Xehanort has the power to turn an unwilling person into a vessel. He just received a ton of evidence that Isa was possessed and never Saïx to begin with. Just as soon as he has reason to believe all his dreams could come true…he stopped caring! We had all this buildup, and we never got to see his dreams come true. WTF!!! Why even give him a Keyblade!?

I was very loyal to this series. I bought all the spin-off games. I was following a specific story for over 10 years. I patiently waited for the conclusion to that story. KH3 was NOT the same story I had been following. It felt like a slap in the face as a fan. I felt totally led on. And I felt like all of my loyalty to the franchise had been betrayed.

#anti kh3 #kh theories #kh lea #kh axel #leaisa #isalea

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thvnderclovds · 3 years

Text

Dear You,

I don’t know where to start, but I hope you know when our friendship fell apart. I know you may think I overshare my stories, and I seem narcissistic for it but if I remember correctly, I was never one to share about problems in highschool. If anything, no one knew me. Everyone saw me as the girl who never had problems. Never went through anything. Nobody knew whether or not I was going through a rough time. The first time all of you saw me cry was on that basketball night by the garden. I held all of my emotions and problems in, that I had to break that one night. I went through a lot, and nobody knew about it. I felt so alone, but I was so used to it that I never even bothered to tell anyone anything. That night, I felt vulnerable and I felt uneasy about whether or not I open up. None of you know why I really cried that night up until this day. I remember everyone telling me that I should start opening up, but now that I have opened up, it seems like I still can’t please anyone because it seems like I overshare. I have worked hard on finally letting everything out, only for you to see me as someone who is ‘self-centered’. I’m sorry if it felt that way to you, but when I open up, I open up. I was never one to open up to people individually. I’m not usually the type to open up to only one person through the socials. I always seem to struggle to open up in real life even - but somehow being in groups gives me the confidence to always open my mouth and say something. I know that I concerned a lot of you in highschool, just because I never opened up. And I wanted to change that. I changed myself so none of you would ever have to worry - that none of you would feel untrustworthy. I remember how betrayed Pauline was when she found out I was going through something. And in the years we have known each other, not once did I show her my vulnerability. It hit me when she called herself a useless friend - and that’s when I began to really consider opening up to everyone. I decided against my selfishness of keeping my secrets and problems all to my self. But this is where I was also wrong for trusting everyone.

Camille, I don’t know if you recall but I would like to really point out specifically where it all began. Where you had lost my trust, where you hurt me most, and where you really lost me. It was always me, you and Khweny. Maybe I was a little M.I.A because I still struggled to really trust and be around people so much, and because of the fact that both of you were already bestfriends - but we’ve always been together. Because of this, I thought I could trust DKC with all my heart. I opened up about my thoughts. 2016-2018 was probably one of my toughest years. I had thoughts I didn’t want to entertain no matter what - but they got stronger each time. I had to open up about it. I wrote a letter about it too. All of it was a mistake. I really thought I could trust you. This is the night I regret most. Not only did I lose you as a friend, but I lost my relationship with my family. I was already trying to build a better relationship with my family, but somehow, I still end up losing it. I never knew trusting you would really make an impact on my relationship with my family. I knew sooner or later I would have to face my reality and open up to my family, but instead I went to my friends thinking I needed to say it to you guys before my own family. I felt like it was a better option. It wasn’t. I had no idea the words that came out from mouth would soon come out from my Mom. I had no idea my secret was for everyone to share. I had no idea I would lose everything all because of a secret. It hurt being confronted by my Mom. It hurt to hear her say those words I feared most. I don’t think you even understood just how much it hurt to hear her say those words. What hurt most was you telling me it wasn’t a big deal. That you were concerned about me which was why you decided to tell your family. I trusted both you and Khweny to keep it a secret. I was wrong for trusting you. You had no right to tell anyone anything. I chose you and her to keep it quiet, but you chose to take advantage. You chose to make it seem like it wasn’t a big deal, like I shouldn’t over-react. Let me tell you this. My mom thinks she lacks as a mother because of that secret. I can no longer cry in front of my mom when there is a laptop near me - she will only think I’m writing letters again. She’s constantly paranoid, thinking that I may be thinking thoughts again. I can not express my feelings in front of her. It ruined the way she looked at me. It ruined the way I looked at myself. I always felt the guilt everytime I was around your family. In the back of my head, I’m always constantly thinking ‘they know’. In the back of my head I’m constantly thinking of how overdramatic I am for even having those thoughts. I felt disgusted with myself for the longest time. It affected my relationship with my family, and with you. I lost all of my trust. I used to talk so comfortably about my problems with you one on one - but since it happened, I think you can feel just how much I’ve distanced myself from opening up to you. It may not seem like a big deal to you then, but even now I still feel like it has done enough for me to really break.I lost my confidence. I lost the bond I once had with my family. There’s a barrier. It’s a lot harder for me to talk to them without feeling the guilt. It will always be in the back of my mind. I am constantly reminded that I can’t express my feelings in-front of my Mom anymore. I now have to lie and say that I’m crying over a Facebook video, or an anime - or Netflix. I can no longer say I’m not okay, because I know deep down, that if I say so, my Mom will think I’m trying to kill myself. I don’t know how to express my feelings at home anymore. It used to be the most comfortable and safe place to be when I’m down - now I can’t express in my own room. I have to let things in. I overshare now because I can’t share my saddest times at home. I overshare now because I’m constantly just trying to remind myself that I have to share something or else I’m too mysterious again. I overshare my stories without sharing what’s really going on to distract the fact that I really do have problems deep down - because I’m too afraid to show vulnerability. I overshare because it’s the only thing I can share anymore. I can only show the surface, but not what’s down under. I’m too afraid that if I share about what really goes on, it might break me. I won’t lie, it caused me trauma. I’ve always trusted the wrong people, and I never knew you would be one of them. It hurt to think that one of my bestfriends would become one, but I had to face the reality somehow.

Overtime I tried to trust you again, only to find out it has happened again. I found out through Gampi. I had no idea you were telling my life stories with him. I don’t recall sharing my life-stories with Gampi, but somehow he managed to confidently tell me everything one by one whilst Runa was genuinely confused. I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but that night - I genuinely saw the difference between my friendship with you, and my friendship with Khweny. It hurt to hear Gampi recall everything out perfectly in detail. I was lost and I was confused as to why my stories had to be shared with everyone. I never once told any of my previous lovers about your life explicitly. I would only just mention what is on the surface. Who your current lover was, and where you met. I never once told them about your personal problems with your lovers, nor did I mention anything to make your lovers look bad - nor did I talk about any of your deepest secrets or life stories. I ensured to only mention the good each and everyone of them had so they wouldn’t have to look at them any differently. Those negative problems are for you to share, not mine. I would never share anything that would change the way people look at a person. It turns out that you couldn’t do the same for me. That hurt me the most. I knew I couldn’t trust you again.

That is probably why you feel like I’m not trying to be there for you. I don’t reach out to you quite a lot, but if anything, I do reach out to others to ask if you were alright. You lost my trust, but you never lost my love for you. I still cared about you. I was overprotective behind your back, always trying to do work behind your back. I’ve always been overprotective, and I know that you know how I am when it comes to protecting people. I come off strong, and I come off as someone who is just trying to fight. But when have I ever been wrong about a person? I was often viewed as the bad guy, but who was really wrong about Claire, Zero, Sakuragi and the other people who ended up showing their true colours in the end? I try to do something before it hurts any of you. I’ve always wanted to be there for both you and Khweny, but could never bring myself to message you anymore. That rope you and I once had, broke. But that does not mean I no longer care about you, because I do - and even up until this day I would not want you to get hurt. I know you’re happy, and I know you want to trust this guy. But know that I was once in your position.

I don’t think you understand just how traumatising it was for me. Up until this day, I don’t know if Marce is really who he says he is. I will never know - but what I do know was that I fucked myself over someone who said they loved me but couldn’t sacrifice enough to keep me. I chose him over me. I didn’t know my worth. I didn’t know I was lowering my standards all for the sake of his so called love. I was asking for bare minimum and still got lied to in turn. It hurts to think that you’ve already been lied to by Gampi and Obet - and yet again, here you are putting yourseslf in the same situation you were in. You may not see the red flags, trust me, it doesn’t hit you until one actually shows up. I ignored signs, maybe because I was stubborn and blinded. Maybe because I loved him too much. I was lying to myself. I loved who he said he was. I’d be stupid to say I loved him, because honestly, I still don’t think he is who he says he is. I endured 8 more months with Marce despite the lies. I had seen signs at 7 months already, but I chose to ignore them. When the first red flag hits, you lose yourself. Slowly, you lose everything else too once other red flags start to appear. Trust me, it felt like shit. I felt worthless, but like I said, that didn’t matter to me because I loved him. I thought he loved me. But what I realise from the next guys who did love me, was that they have proven their love for me. They gave actions, not words. They may have made bad decisions in the end, but every single one of them proved their love for me. I realise now that Marce may not have actually loved me, but actually only loved the idea of me - the idea of having someone like me; someone who gave him enough attention, enough love to make him feel good, to satisfy what he lacked and never had from anyone else. I filled that void for him. I did the most only to lose myself in the process. It took me awhile to finally learn just how much I’m really worth. It took me awhile to really realise I was never in the wrong for the way I acted towards him when he started lying. A girl would never act up unless she was given a reason to. He gave me every reason to bring out the worst in me. Trust me when I say you do not want someone to bring out the worst in you - because after the breakup, you will blame yourself. You will question your worth - you will question whether or not someone else out there will love you again. But at the end of the day, there will always be someone who will try to love you. There will always be someone else. I was afraid that Marce was the only one who will love me. The only one who could give me the love I wanted - I was wrong. There were so many guys who did better. Love I deserved. They may have done me wrong, but boy did they love me the way Marce should’ve. I can’t invalidate Marce’s efforts, but I can invalidate his love for me. They were never real. He couldn’t keep me, and that was his choice. He knows it too - because if he didn’t, he would never have asked for forgiveness. He would never have come back to rekindle whatever friendship we had left. He knew he fucked up. He knew he could’ve done better, but he was too late. I hope you know that you should never have to beg someone for their love. As much as I hate to say this, I really can not trust Ethan. The things he says and the things he does to you only reminds me of how Marce was with me. I see myself in you. I experienced everything. I know you want to trust him, but please know that if he truly loved you - his trauma or reasons should never hold him back, his love for you should always be the priority. His love for you should overshadow whatever fear he has. Proving you wrong may not be easy, but loving you should be. If he’s afraid to lose you, he will do whatever he can to keep you. I’ve only just learnt that now. I see what real love is like. I see how genuine Neil has been with me. I see how different his love is for me. I love myself more when I’m with him. You should love yourself more when you’re with Ethan, but I see that you struggle to do so too. I see that you are constantly fighting your demons when it comes to Ethan. I know you say he makes you happy, but that is just a temporary feeling. The pain that comes when you lose yourself over a man is a feeling that will be permanent. That’s why I have been too uneasy of love. I have lost trust in love. I still am hesitant when it comes to love - because the pain I felt will always be there. It will always haunt me. I do not want you to think I don’t want you to be happy, because I do. I believe you deserve that. I also believe that you deserve better. A man should never be contended with just phonecalls and texts. You already have distance keeping you apart, and the only way to get closer is to see each other through the camera. It’s where you can both see expressions - it’s where you both fall in love with each other more. It’s where you see the real them. It hurts to think that you allow his words to get to you. I know love is all about trust. Actions do speak louder than words. He’s the one courting you. He’s the one who wanted to be with you, he’s the one who initiated your relationship - he knows what he’s doing. If he wasn’t ready to be vulnerable and sacrifice what he has for his lover, what was the point in him looking for love if he was never going to do the most to keep them? He was looking for love, looking for an interest - which was why he came to you. He knew what he was getting into. He’s already twenty-five, he should know better what to sacrifice. He should know that love is all about sacrifice. You’re already sacrificing your trust and your friends for him, but what has he sacrificed to give you worth more than the trust and your friendship you have with us? He knows what you’re losing to keep him, but what is he losing to keep you? Look for yourself & I hope you will find the answers. Khweny and I will be fine. We have done what we could to keep you safe, to ensure you’re away from heartbreak - but what else can we do when you’re already set with what you want. We’re aware we can’t do much, and this is where we let you find answers for yourself. I hope you find it, and I hope it’s worth what you’re going through. I hope Khweny and I were wrong all along, and I wish you nothing but the best. Always remember to never settle for empty words and empty promises. Settle for what you deserve. Never beg for the love you deserve - it should be given to you without hesitation. I know you can achieve many things, so go do your best. Only you know what’s right for you. Take care.

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jiminspira · 7 years

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Shaking Hands With The Devil (1)

Supernatural AU

Genre: Incubi(incubus) Yoongi

Warnings: it might mention sex, but nothing further than that… for now

Check (my bae’s) @ahgasthetic moodboard

“My sin was not specifically this or that But consisted of having shaken hands with the devil The devil held me in his clutches The enemy was behind me” Demien - Hermann Hesse

Part 2, Part 3, Drabble

MASTERLIST

Of course existed a reason for some boy like Min Yoongi be so interested on you. Sister Marry told you that existed a reason for you to be what you are. Min Yoongi wanted you because you were a member of the he Huntress, and he… he was a fucking demon.

“Why are you running away now, sweetheart?” You heard his voice, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“How come I be the one who’s running away when you’re the one hiding in the shadows?” You hissed, trying to fade the fears.

“Already missing me, princess?” His voice was near this time and you got yourself ready. “So here I am” he whispered against your ear. And in a quick movement you went for his face, but he was quicker, and now you were pressed against the wall, he on your back.

“Why are you like this now? You’ve always been such a good girl, what changed, Y/N?”

“Fuck you!”

“Cursing now are we? Tsc… Tsc… You need a lesson, baby…”

“I’m gonna fucking kill you, Min Yoongi!”

“You were so lovely before, not that I’m complaining, I’m definitely loving this wide feisty side of yours, but why don’t you tell me what changed?”

“You tricked me! Acting all decent when you were Agust, the demon Agust! And I bet you choose me, as if you knew who I was!” You tried to hit him again, but this time worked so you were free now.

“Of course I knew who you were… they don’t explain this in that horrendous place they raised you? Pure virgins like you are the sweetest to corrupt…” he liked his lips from afar, and you hated yourself for that being so effective.

“Me? Corrupted? Never, Agust.”

“Now they call me Agust D, I think it’s nice…” he winked and you rolled your eyes.

“Why?”

“I think we already went to this detail…”

“I’m not the only Huntress on that damn college, why me?” His ice smirk spread, and it froze you.

“There’s this glimpse of innocent in your eyes, Y/N, that I want to take away with me…”

There was the reason, and you were infuriated. He was all around you for almost a month, being the mysterious, pretty, the sweet and o-so-interested guy. And what made everything worst was that you were truly considering it, he made you fell, and now you were on hell, not literally, at least, yet.

“You’ll never have me” you were adamant.

“Why are you flustered then?” He teased “I know you want me, baby, as bad as I want… You want me to fuck you senseless, to scream my name while I take away your virtue…” he smirked and liked his lips again “I can see it in your eyes, you wanna be corrupted, Y/N, I’m only here to fulfill your deepest and dirtiest desires…” You gulped, you didn’t want to be affected, but goddamnit.

“You’re wrong” that’s when you attacked. He defended as if you were a bug, nothing more than an annoying bug, and that was pissing the shit out off you.

“Y/N, baby, stop, daddy doesn’t want to hurt you” he held your wrists, and was as cool as ever, while you were a panting mess, his eyes were taking in every single trace of you. “How did you notice?” He asked, truly interested on your answer, as if he doubted you could discovered that on your own.

“I would never notice” you admitted, and you smirked this time “if you have hidden better this scar… You know that one that looks like a tattoo, that says in Greek ‘demon’…”

“Thanks for the tip, Imma hide it better next time…”

“For how long would you hide?” Your voice cracked, and for an instant you though that something flashed in his eyes, but it was just a glimpse, his menace was back.

“I don’t really know, after I got enough of fucking you, maybe…”

“Not gonna happen.”

“I’m a demon, you know that I don’t need you to ask for it.”

“Yes you do” you smirked “I read stories about you, you like to seduce and to fool women and men… You never opt to take it against somebody’s will…”

“You know me too well, babygirl…” he nodded his head chuckling “but you know I can see what you desire, and you do want me to take that purity off of you. You want to give yourself to me, as much as I want you to.”

“You’re wrong!”

“No I’m not,” he just stated “then let’s play a little game… Don’t look at me like that” he chuckled “you can always say no… but you seem so determined that my devious self doesn’t affect you, so I think you can accept it…”

“What do you want, Yoongi? For me to shake hands with the devil?”

“I wanna just a little bet, if you win I’ll turn myself in… And you can do whatever you want…”

“If I lose?”

“My prize will be just your defeat.”

“What’s the bet?”

“I bet I can convince you to ask… even beg for me to fuck you” Min Yoongi was never a smiley guy, but right now he was smiling as if he had just won the lotto.

“That’s not gonna happen, Agust” you arched one of your eyebrows.

“That means you accepted, baby?” The smirk was there to creep you out, and you hated yourself for being so goddamn stubborn.

“You’re gonna regret it.”

“You won’t, I’m way too good on bed” he held out his hand, and there you were, shaking hands with the devil, without even knowing that now he had you in his clutches.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, demons don’t fall in love.”

“So why are you here again?”

Part 2, Part 3, Drabble

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killingdoll · 7 years

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Warnings: spoilers, inappropriate comments

This is one hell of an episode – action-packed, thrilling and above all, sparkling with the familial love and solidarity of the Mikaelson clan. They’re truly the strongest when they fight for their family.

It once again reinforces my belief (not that it needs any reinforcing) that The Originals has a superior team of writers than The Vampire Diaries It’s unfair if The Originals only has 4 seasons (Ms. Plec ‘kindly’ mentioned something about there will be no fifth season in an interview) while The Vampire Diaries managed to sprout 8 while it should have ended after the train wreck that was the fifth.

Anw, back to this gem episode.

I kinda feel sorry (but not too sorry) for the guy Kol ate…

… or the entire bus they chowed down. “I’m so hungry I could eat a whole bus” taken very literally. Five years of no eating does takes it toll.

Did Hayley grab a few bites of her own?

Elijah’s shouting for Kol to eat less noisily like a big brother and Kol, actually hearing him or just coincidentally snapping his victim’s neck

I have a feeling that Kol does enjoy the scream a bit more than considered healthy.

Am I the only one to wonder why Elijah sort of cradles the dead body (presumably drained by him)?

Proper family squabbles. How I miss these?

Kol not so subtly reminds the producers not to kill him the friggin’ THIRD time.

Elijah’s shutting down the arguments by his vow: “We’ll free Niklaus today. Even if I have to burn that city to the ground.” Determined big-brother Elijah is the best Elijah.

See the brief proud look on Freya’s face?

“If we can’t free him, we’ll sure avenge him”. Sorry, wrong quote.

Anw, the vampire Avengers are advancing to New Orleans. Marcel’d better be beware.

Somewhere in Nola, Josh’s having a new, very human and undoubtedly clueless about the supernatural world boyfriend. It won’t bode well for him in the long run. I hope he fares better than Aiden. If he doesn’t, well…

Josh’s expression when seeing Elijah and Rebekah is similar to a person waking up to see two tigers lounging about in his home. His reaction is similar too – staying calm, no sudden movement so as not to provoke them while secretly trying to grab his phone and call 911…

… which is what Josh does, and fails, because one of the ‘tiger’ has a “murderous hunger” that can’t be appeased with pizzas. Duh.

And there’s Marbekah/Rebel argument in the graveyard. I’ve never doubted that Marcel genuinely loves Rebekah (even though he loathes her brothers to death) and Rebekah feels the same. I just love it even more that despite her love, Rebekah chooses her brothers over Marcel because that’s basically what the Mikaelsons and The Originals do, unlike The Vampire Diaries which tended to put way too much emphasis on romance. I cringe every time I read that Matt x Rebekah was cute and how big a waste to let that ship sink. To me it’s just a big, fat yuck that Rebekah had some affection and slept with the one that murdered her brother. And before someone kindly reminds me that Elijah was way too friendly with Elena, Kol’s murderer, I have to make myself clear that it grossed me as well.

Well, let what happened in The Vampire Diaries stay in The Vampire Diaries.

Sofya just has to interrupt Bex’s emotional speech, doesn’t she? Someone needs to remind her a certain Original absolutely hates backstabbing; she’ll pay back in one way or another.

The family’s casually discussing murder in Josh’s presence like he’s thin air

While the rest tries to find a way to break Klaus’s prison, Josh and Kol have a heart-to-heart conversation, or the closet thing to a heart-to-heart conversion, about losing someone they loved. It’d be quite a moment if it weren’t for Marcel’s text and Kol’s right back to threats of murders and destruction.

Josh was lucky Davina really liked him though.

Kol’s tearing through the vampire mooks like they are wet papers for Bex. Vampire mooks: 0, Originals: 1

Someone has anger management issues.

Hearing Elijah saying “brother” with both worry and relief lacing his tone is too much for my Klelijah

Hayley’s offering her power for Freya to channel to break the boundary spell while Elijah standing watch. Teamwork in its finest form.

Elijah’s facing Marcel alone to buy Freya some time despite Marcel’s hatred for him running the deepest

Hayley’s stepping in to protect Elijah, claiming once again to be a Mikaelson

… which of course enrages Marcel as the real reason for Marcel’s bitterness and wrath was because he felt he wasn’t treated as a Mikaelson.

Behold, Klaus’s incredible feat of pulling out Papa Tunde’s blade by himself (plus his subconscious Cami’s help). Almost as good as Mikael, who plucked it out not long after getting stabbed and with no imaginary soulmate’s encouragement. Klaus’ll get better next time for sure.

Klaus’s falling right into Elijah’s arms. Be still my Klelijah

Kolbekah moment followed by Klebekah hug followed by…

The whole family standing united against Marcel. #squad_goals

“That’s what family does. We fight for each other.” Kudos for Hayley.

And “If you want to kill one of us, you’ll have to kill us all.” Kudos for Rebekah.

Just to rub some salt onto the wound is Kol’s sassy remark…

… definitely not a very wise move because, well, considering Marcel could kill them all, why feeds his wrath more?

Actually, I believe it’s Marcel who was gonna lose if he and the Mikaelsons engaged in a full-out battle. Just think this strategy: Elijah, Rebekah and Hayley would fight Marcel (more like stalling him) while Kol and Klaus would protect Freya and probably let her channel them to cast some spell. Remember the sigil she’d created to trap Lucien last season? And Marcel, unbacked by the Ancestors, wouldn’t be able to fight it. Maybe not something of that scale since Freya’s pretty drained after freeing Klaus but a lesser spell to hinder Marcel’s movement would suffice, no?

Anw, no fighting happens as Marcel decides to ‘show mercy’ because he isn’t like the Mikaelsons. Who’re you kiddin’ Marcel? Anyone surviving to this point of the show with them is just like them. He just needs a few situations to see that…

… which the mysterious blue light and threat to the city would happily provide. Vincent’s up to some serious shit this season. Just don’t die along the way, ‘kay?

Klaus’s watching Hope in her peaceful sleep instead of waking her

Last but not least (more like saving the best for last), it’s Cami friggin’ O’Connell. I don’t care if she remains dead, I don’t care if she’s a figment of Klaus’s imagination, what matters is she is with Klaus in his darkest, loneliest hours to give him the strength to break his bondage. Klaus has conjured her to be his sole companion during his days of suffering, and more importantly, Klaus, having known Cami so well, has created this version of Cami that is very much similar to the original Cami; she isn’t afraid of his temper, and she challenges Klaus to face and triumph over his demons. She has literally become a part of Klaus per his promise: “I will carry you with me.” She has gained immortality inside his mind, where nothing or no one could lay a finger on her again. I admit, what she and Klaus have isn’t love. It transcends love to become something much greater, much more lasting. Love fades over time but once you let somebody get a spot in your mind, they’ll stay for as long as you live, and in Klaus’s case, possibly eternity. I’ve always felt Klaus and Cami’s relationship to lean more on spiritual side and this just proves it.

Overally, an excellent episode. Looking forward to Klaus and Hope’s first proper reunion next episode.

[Rant] No Quarter – The Originals 4×02 Warnings: spoilers, inappropriate comments This is one hell of an episode – action-packed, thrilling and above all, sparkling with the familial love and solidarity of the Mikaelson clan.

#camille o&039;conneil #elijah mikaelson #freya mikaelson #hayley marshall #klamille #klaus mikaelson #kol mikaelson #marcel gerard #original groupies #rebekah mikaelson #the mikaelsons #the originals

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soundsgoodfeelsgood · 4 years

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Thursday 14th may, day 66

NOTE: i actually wrote this as a presentation letter to a guy on Slowly, but i really liked how it turned out so i thought “hm, might as well post this”. Here you go.

So here are 10 maybe-not-that-interesting facts about me.

1. My name in italian literally means "clear" and yet i have the same expression capability of a 5-year-old. It takes me forever to express myself in my native langue and I find it easier to speak in english, which can be quite a challenge when talking to my friends as you can imagine. Actually nobody calls me by my name, people usually refer to me by my surname, even my closest friends. (that's Cili if you where wondering, like red hot chili pepper)

2. In just a month i'll be graduating from high school and in september i'm going to start med school. I don't actually know why i'll be attending it since the very last thing i want to be when i grow up is a doctor. I have really, really low empathy so i don't think i could ever pull that off. Whant i want to be when i grow up is a resercher in neurosciences. There is nothing more fascinating then the human brain. I find utterly...disarming how everything we are, everything we do, all of our thought and movements are decided by how some tiny-iny particles of living matter interact with each other. The human body is the most beautiful of mysteries and everything it does is the result of a tiny miracle. I worship science. I love to find all the science that surrounds me and learn about it. And while i'm quite a thinker the subject i hate the most is philosophy. The only two authors i ever sincerely liked are Plato and Popper. The rest is garbage.

3. I have quite a memory. I perfectly remember stuff that has happened to me over 10 years ago. Like that one time when i was 8 and i was angry at my friend Dave so i started to throw comic books at him. Or how i used to go around my grandma's garden with my cousins dressed up in Sandocan costumes looking for pinecones that we would later smash in order to eat the pine nuts inside them. And how could I not mention when at 10 my friends and I organised a whole funeral for a ladybug that had drowned in their pool? we made this little raft out of a plastic plate, put the ladybug on it with some flowers and plants and then had a full celtic-like ceremony (we even wrote a eulogy). But the thing i remember the easiest are songs. I know hundres of thousands of song lyrics by heart. My playlist has over 600 songs and i can recognise any of them within 5 seconds (no kidding). Also i have the weirdest music taste. I like Queen as much as One Direction as much as early-2000s pop rock as much as indie as much as musicals. I believe music to be the expression of one's soul. Like, there are some songs that literally speak to the deepest part of me and if i didn't know any better i'd think they were written especially for me.

4. I'm an INTJ like Christopher Nolan, Elon Musk and Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. I'm also a Ravenclaw even though Pottermore keeps putting me in Hufflepuff. As for the zodiac (in which i don't believe in but still read) i'm technically a scorpio but because i was born on the first day of scorpio at five past midnight, my zodiac-obsessed friend keeps telling me i'm a cusp which is something i had no idea existed until she pointed that out. As they say, you never stop learning.

5. I can solve rubik's cube in under a minute. My friend from robotics clubs tought me. Also, i'm in my schools robotics club. Last year we built a piano-playing robot and we're currently second in italy and forth in europe in our category. This year we were planning on going to the international competitions but then coronavirus happened so...yeah. Still, robotics is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not for the club itself but for the people I met and for all the beautiful experiences and for that one time in october when we sneaked wine into our hotel room and the next morning i was so hungover i slept the whole day while tecnically competing.

6. I have a thing for alpacas. I don't know why, i think they're cute. I have a mug with an alpaca on it where i store my markers (i also have a thing for markers). One of my dreams is to see them in Machu Pichu (the alpacas, not the markers). I loooooooove travelling. It's the one thing i could never get tired of. I have an endless list of places i want to visit. My goal is to visit every continent before i turn 30 (the earlier, the better). So far i've been to North America (the USA, twice), Africa (Morocco and Egypt) and i've visited most european capital cities (London, Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Luxemburg, Bruxelles, and many other). As of right now there's Singapore on top of my list, immediatly followed by Peru. Travellig is such a unique experience. Every where you go there's always something new to learn and to discover. Different culture, different food, different languages. I adore languages of all kind. I'm fluent in italian (duh) and english (even tho i make tons of mistakes - i'm sorry), advanced in french and currently learning spanish.

7. I'm writing a book. Let me rephrase that - I'm writing a trilogy. It's actually a little more complicated than that to be honest. When i started high school i started writing this fairly awful teen-fiction-like novel and than i though to myself: why not make another book where i write the same exact story but from a different point of view and with a totally different style with no reason whatsoever? Five years later, i'm still not even halfway done with a first draft of any of the three books. I mostly use them as a creative outlet, something i do when i'm bored, just for the fun of it. But as stupid as they can be, they're still my creatures and i love them. Even though i'm sort of embarassed of them - no one i know has ever read them. I once tried to show the first few chapters to a group of friends and they still make fun of me for it (but they do it in that friend way that doesn't really offend, you know what i mean?). I just love words so much. I even have a list of favourite words written in my journal. Some exemples are "scrosciare", which is the italian word for the noise of heavy rain falling, and words that are what they mean, like obsolete and cacophonic.

8. if i were to write this last year, i'd tell you i don't believe in friendship. Now, my mind hasn't change that much, i still believe to have no friends in the way i consider a friend is supposed to be. And i know i talked about my friends quite s few times throughout this letter but i usually use this word in absence of something that better explains what i really feel. I'll try to make this as clear as i can. I struggle to make a connection with people. i always feel like people click with each other in misterious ways i have yet to understand. Most of those i identify as my friends are just the people i hang out with. There is no...spiritual connection? It's a little complicated to explain. As if at the beginning of times we were handed some instruction booklets on "human interaction and realtionships" and i lost mine, while everyone else carfully guarded theirs. The word that best describes what i think of most people is afecionado. I don't know where i read it but it pretty much explains it all - someone i feel affection for, but nothing else. I do have a best friend tho. I mean, best friend is quite a big word. I have a human being i feel more connected with in comparison to others. I’ve known him since forever and i hate him. I dont hate hate him as in i want him dead. I love him as a friend, he's a great friend. but i hate him as a human being. He's so goddam perfect it bothers me so much. Have you ever met someone that is just so annoingly good at any thing? well that's him.

9. I have never fallen in love. Not once. The last time i had a crush i was 11. This is what happens when you are an hopeless romantic who grew up reading love stories and at the same time a creepingly logical human. You have incredibly high expectations. And the only time i kissed someone it was more of a lips-touching-for-a-second kind of experience and we were both very much drunk (it was actually the first out of the three times in my life i ever got drunk, the third being the wine experience in october) When i first met said best friend everyone we knew shipped up ("shipped" as in the fandom term meaning two people should date) and there was a moment this summer when i thought i was developping feelings for him but it was just a second. And i may or may not have dreamed of dating this french guy i saw twice at a drama festival.

10. I love quotes. I think it's part of the memorising thing - learning quotes by heart. Songs, books, speeches, vines, stand up comedians. I also have a very weird sense of humor, basically anything makes my laugh like bad puns and dank memes. Anyway, i have this thing on my door where i write all the quotes i like. Mostly they're from songs, but i also have two from Dante's Divine Comedy. In italy we study it our third year of high school and my teacher is so obsessed with it that she made us learn over 200 verses by heart.

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