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tomhollandfics · 3 years

Text

Famous!Reader

* = smut

Jealousy, Jealousy - @waitimcomingtoo

you call tom out on his most jealous moments

Call It What You Want - @waitimcomingtoo

tom accidentally send you mixed signals during an interview

Rumours - @celestialbarnes-archive

tom and actress!reader are secretly dating and play the game, ‘spill your guts or fill your guts’

The ‘Friendship’ Test - @spideyobsessed

you and tom take glamour’s friendship test

3 Hearts Broken - @wizkiddx

an argument between you and tom, except it takes him hurting someone else for you to loose it

A Job Offer - @wizkiddx

after your ex, tom holland, helped you out after a panic attack at an event - the fall out is a lot more than just one embarrassing night

Secret Lover - @hollandsour

y/n and tom, who have been secretly dating for a while, both come on to the graham norton show - causing social media to blow up about it

Don't Be Mad - @hollandsour

tom posts a pic to instagram which leads to fan speculation about whether the two of you are dating

“That Was Painfully Sexist” - @cherrycheridarling

at a panel for the new avengers film, the questions differ drastically between the female and male actors on stage

Lockscreen - @cherrycheridarling

tom goes on jimmy fallon for a game of 'show me your phone' - being the oblivious child he is, tom forgets about his lockscreen

Gross - @cherrycheridarling

you go live and sing an unreleased song to your fans - some catch onto the inspiration, including the one who inspired you

Dap Me Up - @cherrycheridarling

during an interview for your new film, tom exposes your odd routine during intimate scenes and your favourite flower

Coffee & Muffins - @schaferthecreator

you and tom go out to get breakfast and run into some paparazzi

Breaking The Internet - @parkers-gal

tom and reader are expecting a baby, and finally make it public

* Lingerie - @duskholland

your co star offers to photograph you in your new lingerie, and it only escalates from there

* One Million - @duskholland

you’re not one to shy away from competition, so when your co-star tom approaches you with an opportunity to secure the ultimate bragging rights, you aren’t afraid to play a little dirty...

The Rooftop Party - @duskholland

your heart aches to belong to your co-star tom, who you’re sure only sees you as a friend - things come to a boil during a particularly eventful party

Something To Remember - @tinyyoungblood

you and tom are in portland for one mission only and that is to be seen together - so how did you end up getting parent tattoos?

Outshining Tom - @tinyyoungblood

you and your co-stars from far from home are stuck in a seven-hour flight and tom keeps missing the hole until you show him how to do it

* Spotlight - @mywldflwers

you've joined the mcu family and you attend its premiere with tom by your side

Party Of The Year - @whereistradel

reader is a famous actress who is best friends with tom - they plan to throw a birthday party but tom can’t make it due to his press tour

Defying Gravity - @cali-holland

your broadway debut as elphaba in wicked makes you come to terms with your feelings for your best friends brother

* Familiar - @angelic-holland

you’re a famous youtuber and are invited to interview the far from home cast - but nobody knows you’re already dating one of them

Dirty Shirley - @angelic-holland

you’re an actress in endgame and have a little too much to drink for your 21st birthday

Trust Issues - @stuckonspidey

where the avengers cast are on the jimmy fallon show and tom accidentally blurts out that he and the reader are dating

Shy Smiles - @tomhollandd

instead of tom sweeping you off your feet like he planned, you’re the one sweeping him off his

Press Week - @parkersbliss

just three times you and tom were too adorable during press week

Interview Interests - @redrebecca

when you go on your favourite chat show to promote your new movie, a lot can happen, especially when you’re sharing a couch with tom holland

Scheduling Issues - @redrebecca

you arrive on set 2 hours early, tom passes the time with an instagram live

The Press Tour (Series) - @dahliaspidey

you’re a new, inexperienced actress plucked from the obscurity of everyday life to play the lead in the reboot of a famous british ane austen novel, and tom holland just so happens to be playing your love interest

Sex Scene: Interview - @xoluvx

you and tom starred in a movie - there’s a sex scene, now you have to talk about it on national tv

With You - @whatevsholland

in an attempt to better you and your career, tom breaks off your relationship, making it the talk of the media

Wannabe - @sailingintothenight

and what if after years of chasing each other like a cat and mouse, you and tom started to wonder if you wanna be something else in each other’s life?

Pour It Out - @rhapsodyparker

a cheeky game of ‘pour it out’ with jimmy fallon makes you spill some beans

10 Fingers, 10 Toes - @itsallyscorner

social media au - you and tom finally reveal that your little poppet has finally arrived

This Way - @tomspancakes

you and tom are exes, but you need a place to stay at while you film in london and harry is your best friend. things get more complicated when a pandemic starts

Kiss, Marry, Kill - @typicalholland

an interview with tom and his fellow cast members in a game of kiss,marry,kill, his favourite actress seems to reach back to him

Lovely - @honeyspidey

after a long day on set, tom says the wrong name during a scene

Grenade - @tommydarlings

tom and y/n live happily together and they are the most gorgeous couple in hollywood, right?

Silent Britain (Series) - @marvelhero-fics

you’re pretty new to hollywood, finally getting a role in a blockbuster martin scorsese film - to your surprise, tom holland is playing your love interest - eventually, you and tom become love interests outside the film

Miss Me? - @chaoticparker

tom’s visiting you for the first time in a while, but now he is worried that you didn’t miss him

Romantic - @chaoticparker

you and tom are secretly dating and go on the late late show to discuss your new film and some suspicious photos

Don't Fuck It Up - @whatever-itakess

the cast of the new movie of spider-man was in an interview, and tom released your secret relationship with him on live

* Love On Set - @selfcarecap

you’ve never kissed anyone while filming - actually, you’ve never kissed anyone, ever - now you have to have your first kiss on set for the latest film you’re acting in, with tom holland no less, but luckily he’s there to practise with you beforehand, or at least you hope you can gather the courage to ask him

* Navigate - @angelic-holland

reader is a famous youtuber and her and tom figure out how to share their relationship with the public

Weak Spot - @spideyyeet

tom finds it amusing how you still cry over infinity war

Talk To Me - @missnxthingg

you and your new co-star tom are getting really close, but you’re afraid of opening up to him because of some self-esteem issues, and he definitely notices it

* Screen Partner - @missnxthingg

tom is the only one who has ever been nice to y/n on set and even though she pretends not to like him, there’s a big sexual tension between them and they needed to cool it off somehow - so something happens during a press tour that just brings the two of them together

#tom holland oneshot #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x female reader #tom holland #tom holland one shot #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x famous!reader

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taikanyohou · 4 years

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Look, How Long This Love Can Hold Its Breath.

“Yet, like with most things in life, Pam follows what her gut says. First thought, best thought.”

Or,

My take on Pam, because she deserves better, as does Earn, as does every girl on this show.

Title: from Sierra DeMulder’s Your Love Finds Its Way Back. Words: 5.2K.

“You guys just can’t hide it when you see hot girls, can you?”

That statement, the resounding echo of it, sounds around the entire room, bouncing off the walls. It’s been minutes, hours, since it’d been spoken out into the universe. She shouldn’t, she knows this, yet Pam can’t help but focus in on two words in particular, as she lies under the covers in bed that night.

Hot Girls.

It was the way she, Earn, - Pam recalls her name as Sarawat introduced his bandmates to her - had said those words. She’d said it with so much conviction, a sureness, an assertiveness to her tone.

Hot Girls.

Pam shrugs off the covers and turns to her side. Suddenly, she feels a surge of heat incoming as she tries to form some meaning of what that statement could mean. Perhaps she was reading too much into it, and maybe it was just a flippant remark Earn had made, to quieten down the boys. Maybe she was just looking out for her, since they were the only two girls in a room that was otherwise populated with testosterone and Axe deodorant.

Pam sighs and grabs her phone from the bedside table. It reads 23:17 on her lockscreen. She knows, amongst all the other things, that she should get some rest and sleep. She has an early start tomorrow with enrolment to take care of, which means filling in form after form, and a grand tour of her Faculty building.

Yet, like with most things in life, Pam follows what her gut says. First thought, best thought.

She swipes across and unlocks her phone, opens Instagram, and finds the Ctrl S page. It’s like a reflex at this point, she could do this blindfolded. Ever since Sarawat had informed her of the band and sent her the link to the page, she followed it promptly and browsed through the posts, until she came upon it for the first time. Since then, it’s become a ritual for her.

She scrolls down the page until she finds it.

And it’s that one picture of Earn. And she looks mesmerising.

She’s glancing down, focusing on the chords she’s playing on the guitar to a song Pam has no idea of what it could be. Her hair is tied up into a ponytail, a little dishevelled just like it was earlier today, save for the few strands that frame both sides of her face. The lights are violet which surround her, that highlight the points of her cheekbones, and her skin glows. She looks so in her element, the pleasure she seeks from it pouring out as her passion for playing the strings, as though this was her purpose in life. She has her bottom lip bitten, chewed between her teeth. Perhaps it’s something of a habit Earn has when she’s in deep thought, Pam assumes.

Pam’s thumb absentmindedly begins to stroke across Earn’s lips through the screen. She doesn’t want to assume that it’s a habit. Rather, she’d like to know if it is.

That’s not the only thing she’d like to know, though. She’d like to know Earn’s favourite colour, her favourite time of the day, what annoys her. She’d like to know what it feels like to look directly into her eyes, the texture of her skin under her fingers, the feel of her lips-

And Pam always makes herself stop right there. She doesn’t dare let herself think any more beyond that. Pam locks her phone and places it on charge, swallowing thickly and exhaling the air from her lungs through a breath that shudders, that’s heard within the silence enveloping her room. She turns, her back to her phone and her face to the wall.

No one needed to know the real reason as to why she came here, to Bangkok, all the way from Chiang Mai. Why she transferred universities and dropped out from studying Medicine to pursuing Music instead. Logically, she knows it’s a risk, a huge one. Medicine was her forte, a sure-fire. Pam had had it all mapped out. By her mid-20s, she knew she’d be a successful graduate and would begin her practice as a novice and live a comfortable life.

And then Earn happened.

And what seemed so resolute and unshakeable didn’t seem so anymore. Her heart wasn’t into it any longer.

First thought, best thought.

Which led her here.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Pam shut her eyes, sending out a prayer to God, hoping she’d done the right thing, and let sleep take over her.

Sarawat told her he couldn’t teach her the guitar any longer. That something was the issue between him and Tine which required some time for healing and a lot of distance from her. Pam understood what that meant. She wasn’t one to intrude in spaces she was unwanted in.

But Sarawat was her best friend, and he wouldn’t leave her dry and hanging just like that. He said he knew someone that could teach her. When Pam asked him if she knew who it was, Sarawat stayed silent and looked, not at her, but through her, for the longest time. He held her gaze, composed, but Pam knew his brain was in overdrive right now.

Just the same way it would be when he was trying to calculate the weight of the consequences of his decisions, if whether going to that Scrubb concert last year was worth it or not when she, Man and Boss were pleading him to tag along.

“You’ll know them, soon,” he says, finally.

“Them?”

“Her.”

“Her?”

“Earn.”

Something changed, then. Not so much in the way that the world had tilted on its axis. But, in the way that there was a stepping stone being placed right at her feet. An alignment of sorts. A pathway being carved by God Himself.

He was listening.

The test was in a couple of weeks’ time. That’s not to say that Pam wasn’t panicking.

She was.

What little Sarawat had taught her last year in high school regarding basic chords on the guitar, she’d forgotten due to neglect.

She had her first practice session with Earn tomorrow, and she did not want to make a fool of herself. That meant latching on her phone and hinging onto every pathetic YouTube tutorial that could simply explain things, like how to hold the damn guitar properly, at a beginner’s level.

What Pam was graced with, though, was the skill of picking things up quickly. She deftly learnt at least the sufficient amount of know-how and the basics, enough to make her seem like a keen novice that wanted to learn how to play the guitar for the love of it.

Which she did, she’d remind herself constantly. It wasn’t just because of … her. Earn.

Somehow, it felt wrong to even think that. She wasn’t doing this all just to impress Earn enough into anything. She’d scrapped the entire script of her life away and rewrote a new one. Pam enjoyed music, but studying it felt like becoming intimately at one with it. It meant letting it consume you.

Pam just wanted to understand how that felt for Earn. How did she feel when she let something in, so closely, that she didn’t know where she ended or that something began? How did she feel about wilfully letting something consume you, whole and raw, bare and stripped?

How about if it wasn’t a thing, but rather, someone. A being. A girl …

“You’re persistent. I like that about you.”

Earn says that, just barely above a whisper, into Pam’s ear. Her entire body is draping over and around Pam’s. She’s holding the fingers of her left hand and pressing them against the strings on the neck of the guitar, informing her of just how much strength to apply, whilst showing her how to strum by holding her right hand.

It started off with them two sat opposite one another. Earn asked how much she knew, and Pam told her. Earn didn’t say anything in reply, just nodded whilst jutting her bottom lip out. Pam didn’t know what to make of that, didn’t know how to read her body talk.

She resorted to assuming that it was probably a form of silent appreciation. Earn hadn’t high tailed and ran out of the room yet, so, that was at least a positive.

Then she handed a guitar, her guitar, over to Pam.

It was the same guitar that was in that photo of Earn. The same guitar in the photo that Pam daily spent minutes on end, worshipping, in the stillness of the night, in her room with the curtains shut.

And all of a sudden it was in her hands, and she didn’t know what to do with them.

“Go on, I trust you with it. The only reason I’m giving it to you is because the strings are softer. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Somehow it felt like every word from Earn’s mouth was a lyric, something that belonged to a song. Something that moved you, made you want to sit and understand what that meant, what implication it held for you. Something that you didn’t want to misread or mistranslate the inference of.

‘What did she mean by that?’ was the only thing Pam could think of in that moment. It’s starting to become a habit now. Earn speaks, and Pam finds herself having to recalibrate all over again to understand the intent of her words, and to whom they’re said for.

The weight of those words linger in the air between them, until Pam sees Earn get up and walk towards her. She seats herself next to her and fixes the guitar into position within Pam’s arms.

And Pam can’t stop herself this time. There it is, this it what it feels like, to look directly into her round eyes. It feels safe, reassuring. It feels alluring, inviting. This is what it feels like, the texture of her skin. Its both rough and smooth, and she touches so softly but there’s a security in it.

“Play me what you know.”

“I don’t know how to play.”

“Mmmm.” Earn bites her bottom lip between her teeth.

‘Oh,’ … so it was a habit, then. Pam’s lips turn upwards into the smallest smile, that she keeps to herself.

“Do you want to start from the start with me, then?” asks Earn.

“Yeah. I … I’d like that.” says Pam.

Which is how they find themselves now, limbs wrapped around one another, with Earn gently whispering into Pam’s ear what chord is which and demonstrating it.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?” asks Earn, turning her face to look at Pam.

“I’m fine, I promise. I’m not as delicate as I may seem.” Pam replies, a gentle laugh escaping her mouth. She finds it lovely that Earn worries.

“Mmmm.” Earn bites her bottom lip between her teeth, again. She looks adorable doing so, with her forehead creasing in concern. And then, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

There it is, again.

Pam swallows and looks directly back into Earn’s eyes. She needs Earn to know. “You’re not. You won’t. I trust you, just like you trusted me with your guitar.”

What Pam wasn’t expecting was for Earn to wistfully sigh, and then lean her head against Pam’s shoulder.

“Good. I don’t want to scare you away. Besides, Sarawat would kill me. He’s handed you over to me.”

There it is, again.

Perhaps it’d just be easier to let it be what it is. That is, if these words Earn speaks are for her and her only, said aloud with no one but them two alone in the practice room, then maybe Pam should let herself go. Maybe she shouldn’t chain herself and resist. Maybe she can allow herself to indulge in this, whatever this is.

First thought, best thought.

“And how are you going to handle me, then?” Pam asks, one foot in front of the next, as she bravely steps onto that stepping stone.

Earn looks up at her, and they’ve never been this close to each other, until yet.

“With absolute care,” she replies.

And that was enough for Pam.

Until it wasn’t.

Once you let yourself indulge, you become greedy, and a gluttony forms for the thing that satiates.

Of course, Pam knew that Earn’s Instagram page was tagged in that photo, but she never permitted herself to ever actually go onto her page. That felt like crossing a boundary. It felt too much, because that would mean Pam would get to see who Earn was, and the desire would only grow tenfold. So, it was better to not indulge at all.

But they’ve had several practice sessions since their first. The test is this week, on the Friday.

Every practice starts with Earn not even bothering to sit opposite Pam anymore. They immediately intertwine. Even when they don’t need to. Even when Pam had all the basic chords down and learnt.

The session they had today was spent discussing what song Pam was going to play during the test. That meant sharing headphones and scrolling through playlists, both on Pam and Earn’s phones. Earn writes down a list on potentials on paper, whilst leaning her head on Pam’s shoulder.

Pam doesn’t question it anymore; it’s just another habit Earn has.

They eventually decide on a song: Close, by Scrubb. Earn notes down the chords of the song, whilst Pam hums along and sings bits here and there.

“Your voice … it’s so beautiful.” Earn says.

Pam’s cheeks tint to a rosy pink, in response. Blood rushes there and everywhere, coursing warmth to spread right to the tips of her toes.

Earn laughs, mostly because Pam thinks that she knows that Earn knows what that did for her.

“Are you coming to the contest tomorrow?” Earn asks, taking the headphone from Pam’s ear and putting them away.

“Of course, I am. I don’t want to miss a chance to see you play.” Pam says, because she’s known it’s coming for the last week now. Everyone within the Faculty has been talking about it. There’s been such a buzz of excited nervous energy in the air as all attention has turned towards preparing for it.

But that’s not why Pam is so eager. It’s because she’ll finally get to witness Earn play. She’ll get to experience that beyond just through a photo and screen.

“Not miss a chance just to see me play? What about Sarawat? I thought he was your best friend?”

“I’ve seen him play plenty. It doesn’t excite me anymore.”

“And seeing me does?”

Pam’s head spins to look at Earn, and she’s sporting the widest smirk across her mouth. How does she do this to her, every single time?

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Pam says, a little too late, because Earn’s already biting her bottom lip again. It’s not out of concentration this time, Pam notices, but because she’s supressing something. A laugh? Another smirk?

“Go on, say it. Tease me. I know you want to.” Pam says, pouting, as she folds her arms and looks away.

“Not like this. I told you, I’ll handle you with care. I don’t want to hurt you,” but Pam can hear it in Earn’s voice. There’s sincerity, of course, but a hint of teasing too.

“Hmmm. And what about tomorrow? How are you going as?” Pam asks, tilting her face to the side to look at Earn up and down.

“What do you mean?” Earn scoffs.

“What? No makeup? Nothing a bit more special or fancy than the usual?”

“People come to watch me play the guitar, not come to watch me, per se.”

“And what if there’s someone that does?”

“Pray, tell.” Earn asks, leaning forward, ever so closely.

Pam’s gaze flits across Earn’s face. The way her hair frames it, the fullness of her lips, her nose. She’s beautiful. Breathtakingly so, this close.

First thought, best thought.

“Can I try something?” Pam asks.

“Go on.”

Pam leans forward and lifts her hand to find the tie keeping Earn’s hair up. She takes hold of it, making sure to keep her gaze locked with Earn’s for any sign of discomfort, and glides it downwards, until her hair loosens from its grip. She puts the hair tie to a side, and raises her hand again to take the some of the left section of Earn’s hair into her fingers, and place it forward. Her fingers rake slowly down her tresses, gliding so easily, not a knot to be found, and stills, just above Earn’s heart.

And there’s no lie to be found. It’s beating, hard, fast, alive.

“I’ve always wanted to see you with your hair down, but I didn’t know how to ask.” Pam says.

“You can ask me for anything, you know.”

“And you’d give it to me?”

“I’ll try, as hard as I can.”

“Then, can I dress you up tomorrow, after practice?”

“You don’t have to.”

“But I want to.”

Earn laughs, resting her head forward against Pam’s shoulder, her face nestled in the space there.

“Remember when I told you that you were persistent, and that I liked that about you? I still do. Go ahead, I won’t stop you.” Earn whispers, right into Pam’s ear, her lips grazing the skin of her neck there.

So, that’s how Pam finds herself, that night, lying in bed, finally letting herself indulge. She can still feel the ghost of Earn’s lips grazing her skin, the shiver that followed, and how Earn’s beating heart felt under her palm. These things don’t lie.

First thought, best thought.

She lets herself go onto Earn’s Instagram page.

She lets herself admire Earn, post by post.

She lets herself follow Earn.

And when Earn follows her back straight away, she lets herself laugh freely, clutching her pillow and hiding her face in it.

That night, she sleeps sending a prayer of gratitude to God, and then lets herself repeat, “I like you, Earn,” just like another form of prayer, a mantra, over and over again.

The weight of the words don’t surprise her. It’s not heaviness she feels, but instead, relief. Her feelings have words that express them.

They manage to go over the chords of Close roughly, enough so that Pam familiarises herself with them. She can feel, rather than see, that Earn’s a little on edge today, because of nerves Pam assumes she’s probably feeling due to the contest. It’s in the way Earn keeps breathing heavily every so often, getting slightly distracted and then zoning back in.

Today, Pam decided to take matter into her own hands, and call the shots.

First thought, best thought.

“Right, come on. I’m going to dress you up.”

“But we haven’t finis-“

“Yes, we have.”

“Persistent.” Earn says, with a lop-sided smile directed at Pam, tilting her head to one side. It’s the first time she’s been this relaxed within the past 2 hours.

“Mmm, but you like it.” Pam tilts her head the other way, smiling back at Earn.

“I do. Yes, I do.” Each time she affirms that, there’s more and more sureness that gathers in her voice. Something that erases any hint or speck of doubt to even exist between them. It stirs something deep with Pam.

She starts off first by taking out her small make-up pouch that she bought along with her to practice. She doesn’t want to overwhelm Earn, or completely give her a make-over. She just wants to accentuate that beauty that she already possesses.

This was Earn trusting Pam to do as she pleased with her. Pam was going to respect that.

She had told Earn to bring along with her the concealer she wore and got to work with it. Earn’s skin didn’t require much of it, just enough to cover a couple of blemish marks, and brighten her under-eye a little. She set that with some loose powder, and saw how the bristles of the brush tickled Earn enough to make her giggle. That sound in itself was a melody, and Earn was visibly relaxing more and more, to the point where she seemed as though she was enjoying this.

‘Good’, Pam thought. She’d do whatever it took to make Earn feel at ease.

Then, she went in with a touch of bronzer, to simply add some depth and shadow, before adding a very small amount of golden sparkle onto the lids of Earn’s eyes. She let Earn apply the mascara for herself, whilst Pam dug out the last 3 things: blush, highlight and gloss.

Since Earn was going to be wearing her favourite brown jacket, Pam decided to go for a more peachy tone. She applied the blush across the apples of Earn’s cheeks, and bought it across the bridge of her nose too. She then applied just enough highlight, so that it could be seen, but not to the point where it took away from the rest of the make-up.

“Gloss will go on last. Now, let’s do your hair.” Pam spoke, as she stood to move behind Earn with her hairbrush and took out the hair tie binding Earn’s hair together into her ponytail. She carefully brushed through Earn’s hair, before parting it at the centre, and taking the strands of hair that usually framed both sides of her face into her fingers, plaiting them intricately and them pinning them secure to the back of her head. She applied hairspray for added hold, and then made her way back to face Earn again.

And there was something different about this Earn. She looked … softer, today. An innocence that Pam had never seen on her.

Was she blushing?

“Aren’t you going to complete me?” Earn asks, her gaze lowered.

Pam came and sat down opposite her, lifting Earn’s chin with her fingers so that their eyes met.

Without anything else needing to be said, Pam unscrewed the gloss, twirled the stick around the bottle to coat the brush evenly with the gloss, and leaned in to apply it.

She could feel Earn’s eyes on her, as she focused on putting the gloss on her lips properly. She could feel the warm air from Earn’s exhale tickle her skin, tickle her own lips. All it’d take is just moving an inch more closer, and Pam would know what Earn’s lips felt like on her own.

And her lips? Her lips were so full. Her bottom one marked with the fresh indents after her latest attempt at biting them between her teeth out of worry, and her cupid’s bow so prominent. She had lips that deserved to be softly pecked, once, twice, a thousand times. She had lips that deserved to be deeply kissed, bitten, tugged and stretched between teeth, to be opened and her mouth to be explored. To be left red and pink and worshipped and swollen with the blood pooling in them. They deserved hours of attention, that Pam wanted to provide.

Pam looked up at Earn. They were both caught in the act. At least it was even.

“Let me get your jacket, and then you’re complete.” Pam says, going to the door and getting it from where it was left hanging, hooked onto the peg.

She made her way round to stand behind Earn, opening the jacket so that Earn could put her arms through the sleeves, and pull it up, whilst Pam smoothed out her hair, so that her tresses fell on top of the back of her jacket.

Earn spun around and twirled for Pam, and there she was, complete and ready. She looked gorgeous. Every inch of her was so relaxed by now, that she was oozing confidence, as she picked up her guitar case.

“Don’t you want to see how you look?” asks Pam.

“I trust you.”

“Still. Hold on a second.” Pam made her way to her makeup pouch and took out her pocked sized mirror. Earn deserved to see herself in a floor to ceiling one, if she was being honest, but they’d have to make do for now.

She handed the mirror over to Earn, who looked at her reflection and gasped.

“Oh … Wow.”

“Good Wow or Bad Wow?”

“I’d kiss your cheek to say thank you if I didn’t have this gloss on kind of Wow.” Earn laughs, looking back up at Pam.

“You look stunning, Earn. You’ll be so great up there.”

“You think so? Sarawat’s been hammering it down just how badly we need to win this thing.”

“I believe in you, Earn.”

And then, a silence fell. Something in Pam told her it needed to be filled. One last form of encouragement.

First thought, best thought.

“If I said there was a way through which I could pass on some of belief to you, what would you say?” Pam asks, as she steps closer to Earn.

“What does that look like?”

“Something like this.”

And Pam lets herself kiss Earn’s cheek and linger.

“I’m not wearing gloss.” Pam whispers into Earn’s ear.

And if Pam was unsure if whether Earn was blushing before, she knows with absolution now, that she indeed is.

That night, once the contest is over and Ctrl S have won, Pam scrolls through Instagram and sees the pictures of Earn.

To know that she had some part to play in making her look like that, filled Pam up with pride. Knowing that Earn trusted her to this extent, filled her up with hope.

She prayed to God for strength, because she didn’t know how much longer now she could go on, without telling Earn the intensity of what she felt for her.

The day finally came.

It was Friday, the day of the test. Pam wanted nothing more than to make Earn proud. She didn’t want Earn to feel disappointed or let down. Pam had taken a spare guitar back to her dorm room from the practice room, and stayed up until the early hours of the morning, just before the sky blushed pink and the birds came out to sing, and practised.

The strings on this guitar weren’t soft. They were brutal. They cut through Pam’s skin.

But she was persistent, like Earn said. It’s the one thing Earn liked about her.

“Have you even slept at all? Look at your fingers! I said I wasn’t going to hurt you, Pam.” Earn complains to her, as she takes both of Pam’s hands in hers and inspects them in a secluded corner away from the other students in the Music room.

“And you haven’t. And yes, I slept for, like, 3 hours. I just want to make you proud.”

“And you will. I trust you. And that’s why you’re going to be using my guitar that we’ve been practising with for your test.” Earn says, sternly this time, leaving no room for arguments.

And then, she feels Earn’s lips kiss her cheek.

Earn simply shrugs at her.

“You need the belief, this time. Don’t worry, no gloss.”

And then she winks at her, before walking away to go and stand next to Sarawat, as the test begins.

Pam passes.

“Of course you would, I told you.” Earn’s smile is so bright, she’s beaming at her.

Pam’s just relieved it went well. She’d find herself constantly looking up and back at Earn through her trial, who never once took her eyes away from her. It should have been more nerve-wracking to play in front of her, yet it wasn’t. It was soothing, like a balm, her being there, mouthing the words along. Even Sarawat was left stunned.

“Can we talk, Earn?” Pam says, suddenly. Maybe it was elation speaking, but Pam knew she wouldn’t get presented a better chance than now. “Somewhere, where it’s just … us two.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

They make their way into a spare, vacant room on the floor, Pam shutting the door close behind her.

“Is everything okay?” Earn asks, concerned.

“Yeah. Urm.”

First thought, best thought.

Pam restarts.

“You know how you always say you like my persistence?” Pam asks, stepping closer to Earn, who steps closer to Pam, as they meet each other halfway.

“I do.”

“Is that the only thing?”

“That?”

“That you like about me?”

“If I did, would I have called you Hot during the first time I ever lay my eyes on you?”

“So you do … find me Hot?” Pam can’t even say the word out loud.

“Tremendously so.” Earn replies in the small space between them, raising her hand to caress Pam’s cheek with the back of her fingers, before resting it against her jaw, holding it. “I let you dress me up, I let you kiss my cheek, I let you use my guitar. I’ve held you and touched you. I’ve even let you into my dreams behind my eyelids.”

“Earn …” Pam says, like a lifeline, closing her eyes shut.

“Look at me, please, when I say what I’m about to say next.” Earn urges.

Pam opens her eyes to look directly into Earn’s.

“It’s you. Every. Single. Time.”, she says.

“I like you too, Earn.” Pam whispers, into that small space. It was as simple and as honest as that, yet it gathered every bit of her strength to say, “There’s something else I want to ask of you.”

“You can ask me anything, baby.” Earn says, brushing her nose against Pam’s.

“And you’d give it me?”

“In a heartbeat.” Earn says, her mouth pressing soft, open kisses on Pam’s cheeks, as her hand comes to tuck the loose strand of hair behind Pam’s ear.

“I want to know how they feel.” Pam says, pulling Earn by the waist, closer to her body.

“Kiss me, then.”

And it’s everything Pam had ever thought it would have been, only intensified. Earn kisses slowly, like she has all the time to give to Pam. Pam takes Earn’s bottom lip, between her teeth, and then bites down ever so gently into it. Its that sound that follows, that spills from Earn’s mouth, that moan, and it leaves Pam unhinged. She made her do that. And so, she does it again, and Earn moans for her again.

They kiss until Pam’s struggling to breathe, and she pulls back for air but Earn chases after her mouth and they’re kissing, again. Heads tilting to find a better angle, lips drawn open and Pam doesn’t even know where she ends and where Earn begins; their limbs intertwined, just like they’ve always found their way to end up being.

‘She wants this too. She wants me too.,’ is Pam’s first thought. On another day, she’ll ask Earn what her favourite colour, her favourite time of the day and what things annoy her are. She’ll one day even tell her how she left it all behind, just for her. She’ll thank God profusely for making this work out for her, for giving her that stepping stone.

But right now, her only thought, her best thought, is to indulge in kissing and giving Earn’s mouth the attention it deserves.

#2gether #2gether the series #earn x pam #*#wow over 5k lmao this got ....... Long.#but its what pam deserves!!!!

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cali-holland · 5 years

Text

Teenage Love Story, Part Three- S.M.

Pairing: Shawn Mendes X Reader

Prompt: Eight months later, you are still suffering from a broken heart, and Shawn’s upcoming stadium show does little to help that.

Word Count: 4700

Warning: Angsty angst again

Previous Parts: Teaser One Two

Based On: Death by a Thousand Cuts by Taylor Swift & If I Can’t Have You by Shawn Mendes

~~~

Taking the long way home from the airport, you prayed for each light to be red, just as a way for you to pass the time. You sniffled, holding back your tears- you couldn’t let your family know about this, not yet.

“Will I be alright?” You sighed, talking to the red traffic light ahead of you. You needed some sort of reassurance that this storm will pass by easily, and so you accepted the inanimate object’s change from red to green as a “I don’t know”.

When you finally arrived home, you only wanted to hide away in your room and quietly cry yourself to sleep. That’s all you wanted to do until you got back to school in a week. You tried to duck into your room unnoticed, but Taylor found you first.

“Hey, is everything alright?” She asked you. Her blue eyes were covered with concern as she took in your sad eyes.

“I miss him already.” You replied, presenting her with your best fake smile- one that says ‘I’m okay, please don’t ask any other questions’.

“Come here, I’ve got some cookies that need baking and you need a distraction.” Taylor smiled kindly, putting an arm around your shoulder to direct you towards the kitchen. As much as you wanted alone time, you knew this moment with her would be better than sulking pitifully in your room.

“You want some champagne?” She asked, already pouring you a glass after she poured herself one.

“Hey, that’s illegal.” Austin pointed out as he entered the kitchen.

“Oh please. What kind of older sister would I be if I didn’t offer you underage drinks?” She teased, handing you the glass.

“Thanks, Taylor.” You replied, sipping the drink.

“So I heard you’re making cookies for tonight.” Your brother said, a smug smile on his face.

“You better not be in here for the cookie dough.” Taylor stated, protectively standing in front of the dough-filled bowl that he was eyeing.

“I’m here for quality sibling time.” He raised his hands defensively as he spoke sarcastically.

“Did you apply for that internship yet?” Taylor asked you as she began to place the cookie dough on the sheets.

“Yeah, I should hear back soon.” You answered, trying to focus on the bubbly drink in your hand.

“I thought you’d be more excited about it. Isn’t in Toronto so you can see your boyfriend?” Austin teased, and Taylor elbowed his side scoldingly as she saw the frown on your face.

“It is.” You nodded quietly.

“Are you sure everything is okay, Y/N? Did something happen between you and Shawn?” Taylor spoke tentatively, not wanting to overstep somehow.

“Everything’s fine. I’m just anxious about the internship.” You said, putting on a smile for them.

“You’ll get it, and then you two can actually move in together.” Your heart dropped at her words. She meant it innocently, but the thought of never having the opportunity to move in with Shawn now created a dreaded feeling in your gut. You would have forgotten that you never told anyone besides Taylor if it wasn’t for Austin’s reaction.

“Wait, move in?” Your brother turned to you with raised eyebrows, “You two are moving in together?”

“He asked me to move in last year, but we wanted to wait until we were older and until I had school figured out. If this internship works out, then I will.” You lied, trying your best to sound hopeful. Your siblings got caught up in their own conversation about Austin’s life, and you looked from them back down to the glass of champagne in your hand. You drank it down quickly and refilled it a few more times before they could notice.

“I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up for the countdown?” You halfheartedly asked before disappearing upstairs. You only had a few glasses, but it was enough to mentally eat away at you. Your mental breakdown was coming and you couldn’t stop it. Hiding in the comfort of your own bed, you cried yourself to sleep, thinking only of Shawn and what could have been.

“Shawn, do we really have to go exploring right now?” You asked, holding onto his hand as the two of you got into the hotel elevator.

“When else are we going to see Paris?” He said, giving you a quick kiss on your cheek while you waited for the elevator to take you to the lobby.

“We can see Paris in the morning. How are you not tired- you just had a show?” You raised your eyebrows at him, making him smile even wider at you.

“Stop asking questions and let me enjoy taking you to the Eiffel Tower at 2 AM.” Shawn teased.

“You’re such a romantic.” You smiled as the elevator came to a stop in the lobby. Shawn held onto you tightly as his security team followed you two from the lobby to the cars. The next stop was in front of the Eiffel Tower and Shawn helped you out of the car. You stared up at it in awe; you had seen it before, but never like this, never with Shawn.

“I love this. I love you.” You said, looking over at him as you gently squeezed his hand.

“I love you too.” He smiled before kissing you. Pulling away from the kiss, you pulled out your phone to turn on ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran. Shawn dramatically reached a hand out to you, “Can I have this dance?”

You laughed as he pulled you into him. The two of you slow dancing under the moonlight, singing the lyrics softly to each other.

“You look perfect tonight.” Shawn sand as the song faded away. You leaned up to kiss him again, completely content.

“Y/N, Y/N!” You woke up with a start to Taylor calling out your name. When she saw your eyes shoot open, she cautiously sat beside your legs on the bed.

“How long was I out?” You asked, hoping you hadn’t missed the countdown. If there was anything you needed right now, it was a miracle for the year ahead.

“Not that long. What’s wrong? You were shaking and calling out for Shawn.” Taylor asked you, her eyes watching you intently. You sat up in your bed, sighing as you remembered the dream you had. It wasn’t really a dream, it was one of your favorite memories with Shawn. You were accompanying him on his tour and the two of you were so carefree, so happy that night in Paris.

“We- we, um-” You couldn’t let yourself say those words, fearing that would make it real- as if it wasn’t already real. You bit your lip to keep it from shaking as tears sprang to your eyes once again.

“Oh, Y/N,” She let out a shaky breath before pulling you in for a hug. She held onto you tightly while you cried onto her shoulder.

“We kept talking about the future, but it never happened. I didn’t want to move in with him, not until this summer, and he’s going to be on tour this summer. I hadn’t even told him all about the internship; he doesn’t even know it’s for a place in Toronto.” You rushed out before pausing, trying to gather your thoughts, “I love him, Taylor. I gave him everything, and I felt so sure about him. I’m sorry I put you in the middle of this.”

“It’s okay, you know I’m always going to be here for you. Moving in together is a huge step, and you’re both still so young. I’m just sorry that it didn’t work out between you two. I really thought he was the one for you, even back when I introduced you to him.”

“It was a mutual decision, but I still feel dead. It’s like I’ve been cut a thousand times and nothing can stop the pain. I want Shawn back, and I can’t have him.”

“It’s hard right now, I know. It will get better though, everything will be alright soon.” You tried to find comfort in her words, but those attempts fell short. You couldn’t think of a better future if Shawn wasn’t in it.

You hardly smiled that night. It was a holiday, a new year, you were supposed to be happy. Surrounded by your family, you knew you should’ve been happy. You tried to be bubbly with a fake smile on your face, but it didn’t last long after the countdown. Shortly into the new year, you excused yourself to your room, where you cried yourself to sleep for a second time that day.

You woke up the next morning with a groggily sigh. It was still dark outside and you checked the time on your phone. The bright numbers told you it was 4 AM. You felt tears come back to your eyes as you stared at your lockscreen. You hadn’t thought of changing it yet. Staring back at you was a picture of you and Shawn taken by Taylor. To help your sister prepare for one of her secret sessions, you and Shawn baked cookies together. The cookies were in the oven and you two were covered in flour when he sat down on the couch and you sat beside him, cuddled into his side. His feet rested on the coffee table and your legs were stretched out onto the rest of the sofa. You had a guitar in hand, lazily playing a few chords, while Shawn played with your hair mindlessly. Taylor insisted on taking a picture, making both you and Shawn step out of your trance and smile for the camera. That was the day he wrote ‘Fallin’ All in You’, the random chords you had been playing got strung into the smooth melody of his love song. The picture once brought so many happy memories to you, but now it just left a bitter feeling in your mouth. You put your phone away, not wanting to look at the photo any longer.

Yawning, you got out of your bed and made your way to the makeshift studio Taylor had in her house. You grabbed a few pieces of paper and a pen off of the table and sat on the large black couch. Your mind was racing and the only way you could collect your thoughts was to write them out. Ignoring the tears falling from your eyes, you wrote out the lyrics to your first, true breakup song.

“Hey,” Taylor said, softly knocking on the door as she entered the room a few hours later, “How long have you been up?”

“What time is it?” You asked her, rubbing your eyes and cleaning your face of any tears.

“So you’ve been awake way too long.” She laughed lightly, trying her best to brighten the situation. She sat next to you on the couch and look at the papers in your hands, “What are you working on?”

“‘Death by a Thousand Cuts’.” You said, handing her the pieces of paper. She looked at you surprised before reading the scribbles in front of her. You watched as her eyes went over each word, and each crossed out phrase too, in awe.

“This is-” She paused, taking a deep breath.

“It’s not good, but I just needed to get it out.” You replied.

“No, this is amazing. I can feel every emotion in this.” She looked back up at you, tears forming in her eyes. You pulled her in for hug, not caring that you were probably crinkling the papers by doing so. She held onto you tightly and rubbed your back reassuringly, “It’s beautiful. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I know how much he meant to you.”

“He is my everything.” You admitted, staying in her embrace for a few more moments before pulling away. Once out of the hug, the two of you both sniffled and wiped away tears.

“Can I- Can I use this for the album? I’ll call Jack and he’ll-”

“Of course, you can use it.” You paused, “Can you give me credit for it?”

“You want credit this time?” She smiled teasingly at you, thinking back to all of the times she wanted to add your name to the list of songwriters only to have you decline her offers.

“It was one of the things that Shawn and I argued about.” You nodded a little bit, “Might as well get credit for it, right?”

“I’m going to give you credit for Lover too.” She stated and quickly sighed when she saw your pout. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s your song.” You reminded her before quickly leaving the room. Taylor looked down at the papers in her hands and bit back her own sob as she read over all the lyrics again. She knew you were hurting, but, with this, she could feel just how hurt you were, and she knew she had to give you credit for it because, maybe then, Shawn would come back to you.

~~~

August 2019

Eight months. It had been eight whole months since you had seen or heard from Shawn. The tabloids picked up on your breakup almost instantly, and you went back to school, finishing off the year with enough credits to now only have one semester left. You were thrilled by the thought of graduating earlier, but, after finals ended in May, you were swept away to your internship in Toronto. It hurt to be in the city that reminded you so much of Shawn, and you told yourself it was for the best- he was free now, he was happier.

You weren’t happier though. You were able to hold it together through school, but being in Toronto brought those depressed feelings back to you. Still, you knew you had to move on in the long run.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Recently, you found that you really weren’t trying to move on; you didn’t quite know if it was from missing Shawn’s birthday for the first time in years or if it was just an emotional week for you. So there you sat, in the coffee shop that he took you to when you first visited him in Pickering. The two of you always went to the quaint cafe whenever you were in town. It was your place to share quiet kisses in the corner; your place for Shawn to drag your chair closer to his because “you’re sitting too far away”; your place where Shawn got so jealous of a male barista talking to you that you literally had to drag your boyfriend out of there so to not cause a scene; your place to steal some of Shawn’s coffee because you’d never admit that you ordered something disgusting after he warned you that you wouldn’t like it; but now it was your place to sit, alone, as you bit your lip and kept your eyes glued to your phone.

The familiarity of the coffee shop comforted you, drawing you away from the worries of your internship soon ending and school beginning again for one last time. You hummed along to the song playing over the speakers before it ended and the radio announcer began to speak.

“This next song is by the local himself, Shawn Mendes. Here is ‘If I Can’t Have You’.” At his peppy words, your heart began to crack just a bit more all over again. You contemplated putting in your headphones, or leaving the cafe entirely, but you realized you hadn’t actually heard his new song. It was a couple months old, and you heard from Taylor that it was really good. You avoided listening to it, you knew you’d break down if you heard his heartbroken lyrics. You couldn’t blame him though; you wrote a breakup song too, except it wasn’t yours.

“I can't write one song that's not about you

Can't drink without thinkin' about you

Is it too late to tell you that

Everything means nothing if I can't have you?”

You bit down harder on your lip now, trying to contain yourself. It was an amazing song, but it made your heart wrench and your stomach turn violently. All of the hurt you’ve felt for the past few months was creeping up on you. You let out a small laugh as he brought up Toronto, thinking ‘way to be subtle’, but you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t walked past his apartment complex a few times this summer. You subconsciously started to play with the chain around your neck, and hanging from it, tucked into your blouse, was the ring Shawn had given you. You told him that you wouldn’t take it off; you knew that promise probably should have ended with your relationship, but you couldn’t bear to not wear it. You wore it as a necklace, deciding that a ring on your left ring finger wouldn’t sit well with the few cameras that caught you.

“Y/N?” You heard a faint voice speak up, drawing you away from listening to the song. Looking up from the drink in your hand, you were met with the familiar face of Aaliyah.

“H-hey, Aaliyah.” You said shakily.

“What are you doing here- in Pickering?” You knew she didn’t mean anything bad by her question, but you felt so awkward and guilty, like you had just gotten caught cheating on a test.

“I have an internship in Toronto this summer, and, well, this place has the best coffee.” You offered her a weak smile. She took the seat across from you cautiously.

“Shawn was always biased towards this place. It’s nostalgic for him now.” She stated before looking at you with concerned eyes, “How is everything for you?”

“I have school again next week, and I graduate in December. It’s kind of crazy now.”

“Congratulations. I’m glad you’re doing alright. And congrats on Taylor’s album. It’s amazing.”

“Yeah, it is. Thank you.” There was a small silence that filled the air between the two of you, “How’s Shawn?” You asked, almost uncertain if you were even allowed to mention him.

“Busy with tour. We did get to see him for his birthday so that was fun.”

“That’s nice.”

“He really misses you, you know?” She said, reaching out a hand to place on yours. She gently squeezed it, “I can tell you miss him too.”

“It won’t work between us, not anymore.” You replied. You couldn’t tell if you were trying to convince Aaliyah or yourself of that.

“It could, if you’d let it. I don’t know much about love, but I know I just want something as rich as what you and Shawn had.”

“Who would’ve thought a fifteen year old would be giving me relationship advice?” You teased, lightening the mood.

“Well, take it from him then.” She nodded up towards the ceiling as the song ended.

“Is it too late to tell you that, Everything means nothing if I can't have you?” Shawn’s voice seemed to echo over the speakers as the song came to an end.

“Thank you, Aaliyah, but I have to go.” You told her. She stood up with you and gave you a quick hug. You rushed yourself out of the coffee shop and hurried back to your rented apartment.

Once inside the safety of your room, you laid on your bed and just cried, cried for everything that you’ve lost in the past eight months. Shawn’s words echoed in your head; no, it wasn’t too late to tell you that everything means nothing if he can’t have you and you wanted nothing more than to tell him that.

Before you could stop yourself, you pulled up his contact in your messages. The last text sent between the two of you was him telling you that he had landed in Rhode Island with a few heart emojis- you two were so happy just a few days before your breakup, and maybe that’s what made it even more painful. You froze as you saw the typing bubbles appear from his side. Your eyes stayed focused on them- Shawn was typing, Shawn was texting you again? You waited, and they disappeared, before reappearing again. Then they were gone all too quickly. You waited a few more minutes, but nothing came through.

Sighing, you opened up your Instagram app, something that you’ve rarely been active on since last year. You instantly went to Shawn’s page. Your heart fluttered as you saw his icon picture remained the same as it was eight months ago- a picture that you had taken of him while he was recording his album. Neither of you had unfollowed each other, not that that makes a big difference to you, but you hadn’t seen any of his posts.

Scrolling through it, you smiled at his posts. You went all the way back to eight months ago, and you felt relieved to see he hadn’t deleted any of your pictures. Call you childish for worrying about it, but this gave you a sense of hope, like maybe things didn’t have to be over forever. Seeing the photos of the two of you made you fall more in love with him- something that you didn’t think could happen, you didn’t think you could possibly love someone this much.

You saw he had a new story up. Curiously, you tapped on the icon and it pulled up a screenshot of him listening to ‘Lover’. It was the song, the song you wrote about him, the song that debuted you as a songwriter for Taylor’s album. He added a heart emoji to the post and, upon seeing the time on the song, you knew exactly which line it was: ‘I’ve loved you three summers now, honey, but I want ‘em all’. After spending three and a half years together- three summers exactly, you could tell that Shawn knew how much that line meant to you, and, now, you weren’t going to have any more summer with him. This summer was the first one without him in years, and it was your worst summer.

And just like that, as you sat there, the wave of memories hit you. You remembered it all, you remembered every spark in your relationship with Shawn- and every spark felt so special.

You remembered your first kiss with Shawn, back in July of 2015. It was a few days after you two returned back from Toronto. Your second date, the one that Shawn planned, was a simple movie night in his hotel room. While watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, you sat on the uncomfortable hotel bed next to Shawn. The popcorn bowl sat in between you two on the orange comforter. Towards the end of the film, he let out a large sigh before turning to you. You asked what was wrong, if he didn’t like the movie, and he shook his head, saying, “I chose the wrong movie. I wanted to kiss you, but Sirius dying is a bit of a buzzkill”. You let out a laugh at his pout, telling him that, while Sirius’ death is sad, you’d be happy to kiss him anyway. He finally kissed you and it was simple, just a peck. As he went to pull away, your hands went to his cheeks, pulling him in for another kiss and another one and another one. It was all innocent since you were both only sixteen, but, needless to say, you two weren’t allowed in a hotel room alone again for a while.

You remembered how you knew you were in love with Shawn when he tried to stand through your sunroof as you drove him down a lonely Tennessee road at sunset; he was singing ‘Use Somebody’ by Kings of Leon and, instead of making it out the sunroof, he fell clumsily into your lap. You hadn’t laughed that much in a long time and you loved how his face turned red- either from embarrassment or pure joy you couldn’t tell- how his smile stretched all the way across his face, how his nose scrunched up, how he felt just laying there in your lap. You teased him, saying that “it’s not that hard to stand through a sunroof” and he sat up, laughing. He calmed down and admitted he wanted to try it because you had always enjoyed yourself while you do it- you loved it and so he wanted to experience that too. You knew you loved him in that moment, even though you had only known him four short, but amazing months.

You remembered how it felt the first time telling him that you loved him. It was a few weeks after that car ride, and you were accompanying him to one of his shows. He started to panic, his anxiety was taking over and he didn’t know if he could handle going on stage. You pulled him aside and gently placed your hands around his neck, keeping his face close to yours while your fingers played with the curls at the nape of his neck as a way to calm him down. You were comforting him, telling him that he was going to do amazing and that everyone was there to support him no matter what; when you said you loved him, it slipped out. His worried expression softened as he repeated it back to you.

You remembered how it felt to fall in love with him all over again after not seeing him in person for months. You had never fallen out of love, but the reconnection made it all seem so much more passionate. Shawn surprised you in the middle of the night. You were asleep and almost freaked out when you woke up to something beside you. When you realized that a sleepy Shawn had climbed into your bed without waking you up, you calmed down. He chuckled at your actions before pulling you into his chest. You loved it when he did that, you loved the sound of his heart beating and how, sometimes if you say something flirty, you could feel it quicken underneath you. You found comfort in the way his hands would tangle into your hair.

You remembered all the times the two of you were there for each other: when you held his hand as he got his first tattoo, even though he refused to admit that he was nervous; when you were the first person that he’d run to after coming off stage and how you hugged him so tightly despite his sweatiness; when you’d call him after every exam because you knew he’d ask you about it and reassure you that you did fine; when you had a particularly rough week at school and the two of you escaped to Japan for a few days, where he wrote ‘Lost in Japan’ and dedicated it you; when he held you so tenderly after you learned of your mother’s cancer and he even took a few days off of recording to be with you in Nashville; when he first played you his third album as he needed to hear your reassurance before he released it; when you facetimed him as the Grammy nominations came out, wanting to be the first person to congratulate him even if you couldn’t be with him because of school; and when it was announced that he’d be headlining Rogers Centre and how you held him as he cried from feeling overwhelmed.

You even remembered back to the day he showed you around Toronto and pointed at the stadium, saying, “I’m playing there in October for Taylor, but one day I’m going to headline it,” and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him right then. You told him you’d be there, in the front row, when that day came. You remember the confident smile on his face as he began to tell you about all the times he’d been there. And, now, you felt heartbroken again, knowing that you wouldn’t be there, in the front row, on that day.

Overwhelmed by your resurfaced feelings, you called the one person that you felt could help you. As soon as the call was answered, you spoke up.

“Hey, Aaliyah, could you do me a favor?”

Part Four Part Five

~~~

Tag List: @peterparkyourassonme @someinsanefangirl @kbearr12 @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @haute-shawn @winterin127 @loveylangdon @wasteddarlinglover @turtoix @green-lxght @clairestarkparker @marissje

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#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes series #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes angst

234 notes · View notes

sky-casino · 6 years

Text

Take My Hand

Genre: Fluff, Angst, runaway!jaehyun Pairing: Jaeyun x Reader Word Count: 6,429 Warning/s: Verbal and physical abuse from family

You were having the worst night of your life when you found a mysterious and cute runaway boy sitting beside you.

Thursday night. You were in your room studying very hard for your college entrance exams next week, the usual. A few minutes later, you started to hear the yells of your heavily drunk and alcoholic father from downstairs. The usual too. This happened every night which caused you to lose focus. But tonight, you had enough of it and stormed down to confront your father.

"You come home like this every single night. Can't you do anything better than get drunk? I'm so tired of this! I'm studying upstairs and then I hear you yelling non-sense stuff!"

"Shut the fuck up! You're the reason this family has no money! All our money goes to your stupid tuition fee." He retorted.

You stood there frozen and extremely hurt until he continued, "Make sure you get a scholarship from a far away university so we won't have to spend a single cent and see your face anymore. You understand?"

With that, your tears started to fall. Your stepmother just watched the whole scene, didn't even bother to defend you or stop your father from spitting the painful words. Why would she? She didn't like you living with them.

You ran out of the house to go to your favorite pavilion all the way up the street. As you ran, the wind dried your tears but fresh ones kept on falling.

You never considered your life good or happy. Your biological mother left you and your father early this year for another man. Just like you, she was tired of seeing your dad in a drunken state every night. Your life wasn't improving and so your mom decided to leave. She wrote you a short message that you saw on your desk the next morning: I'm sorry. You were so mad at her for not taking you with her but then again, you were pretty sure that the man didn't want you to live with them, similar to your current stepmother.

The hardships motivated you to study hard in order to get into a good university far from home. You wanted out from this shitty town and dysfunctional family, if you could even call it that. You and your father wanted the same thing but hearing him tell you that he wasn't willing to spend money on you and see your face anymore was literally a stab in the heart.

You arrived at the pavilion panting and crying. It was very quiet and peaceful. It was dimly lit but got a good overlooking view of the city below. The dazzling city lights and silence always calmed you down.

You were so focused on crying that you failed to realize that you were not alone in the pavilion.

"You okay?" A boy asked you.

You quickly jumped and let out a short scream before focusing your vision on the boy who sat beside you.

The street light illuminated his face and you could see his wide eyes, probably shocked from your reaction. But you could also see his lips that were trying to hold back from laughing. You realized that you probably looked stupid with the way you jumped and screamed. A strong wave of embarrassment washed over you and you cleared your throat in an attempt to compose yourself. You continued to look at him as you made your way back to the bench and you realized how handsome this stranger was.

He waited for you to be comfortable again before he talked.

"Are you okay? You're crying." He said with a smile and a worried look on his face.

You were surprised to see that someone, a stranger, was genuinely concerned about you. Your own parents couldn't even be bothered about you.

"Honestly? Nope. I'm not." You replied. For some reason, your gut feeling told you to open up to this guy. Maybe because there's a high chance that you wouldn't see him again anyway. You had nothing to lose.

"May I know why?"

"Well, my mom left me with my alcoholic dad who hates me so fucking much that unlike normal fathers, he despises spending money for his child's education. He also married a whore he just met at some bar out there who, guess what, also hates me." You said non-chalantly with matching hand gestures.

The boy's mouth was slightly open for a few seconds until he let out a chuckle.

"You find my tragic life funny?"

"No, no. It's not that. Definitely not that. It just amuses me that you told your sad life story in a.. what should I call it.. a chill manner?" He said as he lifted both of his brows at you with a shy smile. He looked totally cute so you decided to forgive him.

"Oh. Okay, if you say so." You replied as you shifted your eyes from him and on to the city lights below.

There was a moment of awkward silence until you noticed his large and full backpack.

"You just.. moved here?"

"Yep. Temporarily." He replied with a smirk.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm a runaway." He said with the same smirk before yawning and stretching out his arms above him, obviously tired and sleepy.

"A runaway?"

"Yup. I left my hometown and now I move from one city to another and then I stay there for a month. I think this is my fourth city? Yeah, it is."

"But why?"

"Why what? Why I left my hometown? Because I'd rather learn about the world through travels and encounters with people than staying in four-walled classrooms to listen to boring lectures. " He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"How do you decide which city to go next?"

"By feel? Whatever my gut feel says. No detailed plan whatsoever. Wherever my feet take me."

"As simple as that?"

"Mhm."

This guy might be the strangest and most interesting person you've ever met.

"It's super late already. Don't you need to go home?" He asked as he looked at his watch.

"Don't worry. No one's looking for me. But yes, I gotta rest. Have to wake up early tomorrow because I'm a student and I need to place myself in four-walled classrooms to listen to boring lectures." You said the last part with air quotation marks which earned you a laughter from him.

"You're funny."

"You're strange."

He just nodded his head in reply to your statement before picking up his bag and swinging the straps into his shoulders.

"Bye. Good night." You said.

"Good night." He replied with a smile, showing off his lovely dimples once again.

You stood up as he did and slowly turned your back to him and walked out of the pavilion.

"Jaehyun." He suddenly said, causing you to turn around. "My name is Jaehyun."

"Y/N." You replied with a smile as shy as his.

It was afternoon of the next day and you were walking home from school. Your mind was filled with the memories from last night's encounter with Jaehyun. How he looked like, the sound of his voice, his smile and dimples, everything he told you. A part of you thought that it might just be a dream. After a terrible fight with your father that brought you to tears, you suddenly met a handsome boy at your favorite pavilion? It sounded too good to be true but it was, after all, true.

True because it had been exactly twenty-four hours since you headed to the pavilion and you found yourself on your way there again when you saw a head of familiar black hair. You couldn't focus on your homework as you kept asking yourself whether you'd see Jaehyun again or not. In order to put your mind at peace, you went to the pavilion to see if he'd be there. And he was. Prayer answered.

"Hey." You greeted Jaehyun.

"There you are." He replied, giving you a can of soda with the same flavor as the one he's drinking.

"Thanks." He only had two cans all in all which made you wonder whether he really bought one for you.

"I have a proposal for you." He said.

"What?" You asked as you sat down next to him.

"You told me about your family problem last night. I don't think I can 100% help you with that but, I want to at least take your mind off it even just for a while."

"What? There's no need for that, Jaehyun. I'm fine, don't wo-"

"Let me do this. Please." He told you with pleading eyes. You couldn't refuse.

"Okay. But how?"

"I'll hire you as my personal tour guide! You'll bring me to all the tourist spots here like famous restaurants, malls, coffee shops, museums. Don't worry, you won't have to spend a single cent. All expenses will be on me. I know you're only free during weekends and maybe a few afternoons after school? What do you think?"

You didn't reply in a timely manner as you just sat there with a blank face and slightly wide eyes. You couldn't believe, once again, that a stranger was genuinely concerned about you and truly wanted to make you feel better.

"Y/N?"

"Deal!"

"Great! Tomorrow is a Saturday. We can start tomorrow?"

"Sure. You're lucky I don't have homework." You said with a laugh. The two of you exchanged numbers and agreed to meet at ten in the morning of the next day.

"What did you do today?" You asked.

"Just slept. I was so tired yesterday and slept late. I had to re-energize. You?"

"Damn I envy you so much! I had exams the whole day. But because of that our teachers didn't give us homework for the weekend."

"Do you think you did well?"

"Of course. I always do. I mean, I always have to do well. I wanna get a scholarship from the number one university."

"Isn't that far from here?"

"Yes, it is. Which is one of the reasons why I want to study there. I wanna move out of here. I don't care if I would have to live in a dormitory during my entire college life. I just want to leave this place."

"You're just like me. Someone who wants to leave her hometown." He smirked at you before taking a sip from his soda can.

"Yeah. I think I am. I just hope that like you, I'll be able to do it one day."

10:08 AM

That's the time on your lockscreen as you ran all the way up to the pavilion.

"I'm so sorry, I'm late!" You yelled at Jaehyun the moment you arrived.

"It's fine. Take it easy." He chuckled. "So, where can we have breakfast?"

"I know the best place for that."

You took the bus with him to get into the heart of the city. It was buzzing with people, as expected of a Saturday morning. You lead the way to a medium-sized eatery.

"This restaurant specializes in breakfast meals. Very popular." You informed Jaehyun upon entering.

"Yeah.. obviously." He said as he marveled at the sight of the busy eatery. Plenty of waitresses walking here and there to serve a huge number of tables.

You picked a table and a lady gave you two menu books right away.

"They all look so yummy." Jaehyun said.

"They are all yummy. My favorite is this one, kimchi-wrapped luncheon meat with eggs and hash browns." You said as you showed him the picture of the said meal.

"That looks so good, Y/N! I wanna try!"

"Okay!" You signaled to the waitress and ordered two sets of the said meal.

"Is today's itinerary planned or spontaneous?" He asked before drinking his orange juice.

"Totally planned. I'm not good at being spontaneous." You replied, laughing embarrassingly as you fiddled with your fork.

"That's fine. We could save more time if it's planned."

Your orders arrived and Jaehyun instantly indulged himself.

"I love this. I love this, Y/N. You have good taste." He said as he dramatically nodded his head.

"Of course, Jaehyun." You replied in a very sassy manner.

You spent around half an hour in the restaurant and now, you were about to ride the bus again.

"Where to next?"

"Vintage bookstore at one of the less populated spots of the city!" You said with much enthusiasm that showed how much you love the place.

"I love it already." Jaehyun replied with wide eyes.

"You love reading too?"

"Yes! I especially love mystery. You?"

"Poetry and slice of life. I love inspirational pieces."

"You're a deep person." Jaehyun said in almost a whisper as he smiled and nodded his head at you, making your heart flutter and your eyes look away shyly.

You got off the bus and walked into these narrow alleys that form something akin to a maze to get to the vintage and mysterious bookstore.

"They sell secondhand, hard-to-find, and vintage books. They also have cute stationery and school supplies, most of which are made with recycled paper." You informed Jaehyun as you walked through the alleys.

"Wow, this store is very unique."

"It is! I make sure to go there at least twice a month. Oh, here it is!" You said as you stopped right in front of the brick-walled shop.

"Holy shit. It literally looks like it's from Harry Potter." Jaehyun said in amazement.

"Well, the owner is an avid fan. He was inspired. Let's go!"

You went straight to the stationery and supplies section while Jaehyun looked at every shelf, looking for some books to buy.

Later, you heard him yell excitedly which made you snap your neck to his direction.

"Why? Found something good?" You asked as you approached him.

"Great, Y/N. Something great! It's a copy of my favorite author's first novel! Agatha Christie's The Mysterious Affairs at Styles!" He exclaimed. The book looked very old but still readable.

Both of you went to the counter to pay for your respective items. As you were about to hand the cashier your payment, Jaehyun stopped you.

"Remember what I said? You won't spend a single cent. I'll pay for it."

"What? No! I'll use my own mon-"

"Y/N please, just listen to me. Okay?" Jaehyun said with a warm smile.

"Alright. Thank you."

"I'm hungry again." You said with a pout as you got out of the store.

"Now that you said it, same. I'm starving." Jaehyun replied after he giggled about his book.

"I know a place and it's just near!"

A few minutes later, the two of you were eating ramyeon and kimbap at the small restaurant around the block.

"Out of all the cities I've been to, this one is the only one that has a vintage bookstore. Lovely."

"Thank you."

It was already three in the afternoon when you finished eating.

"Now, we'll head to the mall. You can buy some clothes or anything you want? Need?"

"Sure!"

You arrived after an hour of riding the bus.

"Back to the buzzing of people." Jaehyun said with a smirk as you entered the mall.

Jaehyun insisted to buy anything you tried on and so you ended up with a new dress and a pair of shorts. On the other hand, he bought himself new jeans and jackets.

You were surprised to see that it was already dark when you got out of the building, not realizing that a couple of hours have already passed.

"I want to have dinner at the pavilion." Jaehyun said out of the blue.

You got off the bus at the station nearest to your house and went straight to the pizza parlor close to the pavilion where Jaehyun bought take-out pizza for the two of you.

"Damn, we ate so much today!" You said as you continued to munch on a slice of pepperoni pizza.

"Are you on a diet?"

"N-no."

"Do you regret it?"

"Of course not!" You replied as you took an extra large bite, bringing Jaehyun to laughter.

"That was good. So good." He said as he finished his portion.

"Did.. did you enjoy today?" You asked nervously.

"Y/N, is that even a legit question? I absolutely did!" He replied with a hearty laugh. Those dimples would be the death of you.

"Okay, I can finally be relieved. I'm glad you enjoyed." You said as your shoulders slumped down and your breath exhaled.

"You know, I've always traveled alone. For some reason, I liked that better. So I was a bit worried how today would turn out. But wow, making you my personal tourist guide was a great decision. I don't regret it. You did a good job!" He said as he gave you thumbs up.

You were speechless as you felt your cheeks burning up.

"Th-thanks, Jaehyun." You said as you looked away.

"It's a bit late. Want me to walk you home?"

"I'd love that. But I'd rather not let my father see you." You replied with frustration.

"I understand. Take care, okay? Text me when you get home."

"I will. Take care too."

"Bye! See you! Can't wait for next Saturday!" He yelled as the distance between the two of you got farther and farther.

"Alright!" You laughed.

You cautiously entered your home but fortunately, your dad and stepmom already fell asleep while watching the television.

You sent Jaehyun a goodnight text and he replied with the same greeting. It was a good night indeed as you dozed off with a smile on your face .

Four days after the Saturday adventure with Jaehyun, you were on your way out of the school grounds when you saw him leaning against a tree that stood across your school gate. He was waiting for you.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" You said after he smiled and waved at you.

"Can we go somewhere? I'm bored." He said with a pout. Undeniably cute.

"Let's go!"

Ten minutes of walking later, you and Jaehyun were now inside your favorite bubble tea store.

"Me and my friends love this place. It's our stress reliever. Their Vanilla bubble tea is great, my favorite. What do you want?" You said as you were looking at the menu.

"Hmm.. Chocolate. I guess?"

After your orders were handed to you, you went to a table in the corner.

"How's school?"

"Pretty tough lately. Lessons are a bit more complicated. Waiting for the results of the college entrance exams is making me anxious too. They will be out first week of next month, roughly two more weeks to go." You replied before taking a sip.

"I'm.. I'm not bothering you with this whole tour guide thing, am I?" Jaehyun asked with his brows furrowed, obviously concerned that he might be causing inconvenience.

"What? Not at all! Thanks to you I now have a good school-life balance. Don't worry, you're not distracting me or anything like that. But unfortunately, I'm not available this coming Saturday. Gotta meet with my group mates to work on our project."

"Oh, okay. No problem. By the way, before I forget. I passed by the library earlier after lunch. They organize workshops there?"

"Oh, the workshops. Yes, they have weekend sessions for different stuff like writing, sketching, knitting. I'm not sure what they have for this month-"

"Painting!" Jaehyun exclaimed as he lightly slammed his hand on the table. You were taken aback.

"Geez, what was that for-"

"I'll attend the rest of the painting sessions!" He said excitedly. He was being such a child right at this moment.

"Okay, Mister Runaway. You can do whatever you want."

"Can you please bring me to the library next Saturday morning?"

"Huh? You said you passed by there today, which means you know how to get there. Why do I need to take y-"

"Pretty please, Y/N. You don't have to attend the workshop itself. Just take me there then you can go wherever you want. We'll just meet again in the evening after it's done so we can have dinner together. Deal?" Jaehyun asked with a cheeky smile as he stuck out his hand for you to shake.

"I have a handful of homework to do. I'll work on them at the library while you whisk your paintbrush away, Picasso." You said as you shook his hand.

"Cheers to another fruitful weekend for the both of us." Jaehyun said, raising his glass of bubble tea.

"Cheers!" You played along with his antics.

On Saturday of the next week, you made sure to arrive early at the pavilion to make up for the fact that you were late during your first meet-up with Jaehyun. When you got there, you were proud of yourself to see that you arrived earlier than him.

A few seconds after you sat down, you saw him a few meters away, helping an old lady open her shop for the day.

"Thank you. You're such a handsome young man. I don't think you're a familiar face from here, though?" The old lady told Jaehyun after he helped her.

"No worries, grandma. Yes, I'm not from here."

"Oh, alright. Take care and thank you again!"

"You're welcome! Take care too!" Jaehyun replied with a bow before running to the pavilion.

"That's so sweet of you." You said with a warm smile.

"That's nothing." He ruffled his bangs as he looked down on the ground, a habit of his when he's embarrassed or shy.

"Anyway, I arrived earlier than you this time!" You exclaimed as you jumped from your seat.

"Uhmm, actually no, you did not. I've been here since twenty minutes ago. But I had nothing to do while waiting so I decided to help grandma."

"What?! Geez, why do you arrive so early all the time?" You whined as the two of you walked out of the pavilion.

"I'm an early bird, that's why." He said with a wink as he flashed his dimples on you . You were pretty sure your heart did a little quick flip. You looked away to hide the blush forming on your cheeks.

"What do you do when you're not with me? I'm just curious." You asked in an attempt to change the topic.

"I observe people. I go to different coffee shops, restaurants, or just stay in public parks the whole day to watch people. Sometimes I just walk aimlessly. Also, I've already chatted and had some drinks with a few guys who live in the same apartment. One of them is this Japanese guy, his name is Yuta. He came all the way from Osaka, Japan. He's here to get soccer training, said his dream is to become a professional. Then there's another foreigner, Winwin, he's from China. He's temporarily here with his fellow Chinese traditional dancers. They're here for a Korean tour of their dance recitals. You know, this is what I love about being a free runaway. I get to encounter different people from different walks of life. Don't you find it interesting?" He asked you the question while giving your elbow a little nudge, obviously caused by his excitement. You could see in his eyes that he was so happy and having the time of his life.

"It's really interesting, Jaehyun. I actually envy you because you have all these freedom, courage, the money." You let out a sigh.

"Don't worry, Y/N. At least you have a clear goal for yourself. You know what you want to do and women like that are strong and have a bright future. I believe in you." He said with a smile before holding up his right fist, initiating a fist bump with you. You obliged which caused laughter from both of you.

After half an hour bus ride, the two of you were now in the library, just outside the workshop room Jaehyun would be staying at for the next eight hours.

"Okay. I'll just be in the main library to work on my assignments and papers. You can find me there when you're done. But if you can't, just text me and I'll come back. Got it?"

"Yes, mom." Jaehyun chuckled.

"Ugh, shut up."

"Why? You sounded like a mom back there."

"Whatever. Go inside now."

"See? You sound like-"

"Shut up and just go inside!" You yelled as you playfully smacked his shoulder.

You headed to the main hall and easily found a good seat. Your city's library were never heavily occupied and you were thankful for that, it was spacious and quiet enough for you to concentrate on your tasks.

You were not even halfway through your paper when your friend, Seulgi, suddenly sat across from you.

"Oh my god, you scared me."

"Sorry!"

"You're here to study too? I'm working on History paper. We can do it toge-"

"Actually I'm not." Your friend interrupted you.

"Oh."

"I'm just here because I saw you enter the building with a cute guy. I'm so intrigued!" Seulgi squealed.

"Uhm. Okay, Seulgi. Listen, we're not a couple-"

"Tell me about him! You never said you're seeing someone!"

"I just said, we're not a couple. Really. We're not."

"What? Well, that's so disappointing!" Seulgi said with a frown. "But still! Tell me about him! Where and when did you meet?"

"I met at him at the pavilion one night three weeks ago?"

"That is so romantic."

"I swear to god if you don't shut up-"

"Okay, go ahead!"

"That's it. One thing you need to know about him, and he's super proud of this, is that he's a runaway." You said with an amused tone.

"Runaway? Those... misfits who leave their hometowns and just go wherever and do whatever they want?"

"Uhm, he's not a misfit. He's actually nice. But yes, he left his hometown and has been traveling through different cities these past couple of months. He made me his personal tour guide and we've been to the antique bookshop, the mall, and our favorite bubble tea store." You replied excitedly. However, you noticed that Seulgi stayed silent with uncertainty on her face, "What's wrong?"

"Well then, it's actually good that you're not a couple." She said with a blank face.

"What?"

"If he's a runaway, then he'll just suddenly leave and disappear. You said he's been moving from one city to another, right? Then our city is just a name in his itinerary, if he even has one."

It was now your turn to stay silent.

"Y/N, you're my friend and I don't want you to get heartbroken. You know that. But, with this guy? There's a big chance you might. So promise me you won't fall for him." Seulgi said as he raised her pinky finger. You didn't say anything so she went on, "I saw you earlier with him and I could say that you like him. It was obvious. You were trying so hard to hide it but it's obvious."

"What? No, I don't!"

"Don't deny it, Y/N. I've been noticing how happy you were recently and I've always guessed it's because of a guy. I was right. But please, do yourself a favor, Y/N. Don't fall for a guy who's on vacation. You'll just get hurt. But don't worry, it's not yet too late." Seulgi advised with a pitiful smile.

You thought about it for a few seconds until you raised your own pinky finger and intertwined it with hers, sealing your promise to not fall for the guy who's on vacation, to not fall for Jaehyun.

Seulgi left right after as she had some errands to do, leaving you by yourself. All the papers, books, and work to be done right in front of you on the table long forgotten as your mind has started to get occupied with everything Jaehyun: his handsome face, his bright smile, his cute dimples, his contagious laugh, his caramel-like voice, and the fact that he's a runaway who would leave by the end of the month, next week. Actually, you've already thought about everything Seulgi said. But hearing it from another person made you realize the impact of the impending pain in case you really fall for Jaehyun. The moment you realized that you were starting to have feelings for him was the same moment you started to feel fear. Fear because it's not like he would stay for you, right? He would leave you and the city and move on with his journey.

You retrieved your phone from your bag and texted him.

"Sorry. I can't stay. Dad told me to go home."

Leaving him and lying to him made you feel horrible. Jaehyun has been nothing but kind to you. But you wanted to save yourself from the heartbreak, as Seulgi said, it's not yet too late. You could still dodge the bullet and you had to start as soon as possible, by leaving him in this building.

You got his reply almost an hour after, most likely because cellphones were strictly prohibited during the workshop.

"Aww, too bad! I was so excited to show you my painting while we have dinner :( But it's okay. We have next time. Take care and I hope your dad is not mad :)"

You felt like crying. He's so genuine and kind. Everything you could ask for. You read "We have next time." again and again because you were uncertain about it. You knew that the more spend time with him, the easier and faster you'd fall.

You spent the new week as cautiously as you could. It was Jaehyun's last week in your city and you wished that it would pass by smoothly without bumping into him. You avoided going to the pavilion and anywhere else outside your home. Wake up, go to school, study, go home, study, sleep. That was your daily routine.

Until he showed up, of course. As expected from a streetsmart runaway.

"Y/N!" Jaehyun called out to you the moment you stepped down from the bus on your way home.

"J-Jaehyun?" You asked, surprised.

"Yep. That's me. How are you? You haven't answered to any of my calls and texts. I was worried." Concern was so apparent on his face and guilt struck you once again.

"Oh.. Sorry. I was just busy. What were you doing there in the bus station?"

"I was waiting for you." He replied with a sheepish smile, focusing his gaze on his footsteps.

"What? But why-"

"Because you weren't answering to my calls and texts. Couldn't contact you. So I thought maybe I should just show up right in front of you." He giggled.

"Yeah. Like you did that night in the pavilion." You barely whispered but he still heard you.

"Yeah. Like I did that night!" He continued laughing while all you could think about was the huge possibility that he would suddenly disappear just like how he suddenly showed up.

"You said you just stay in a city for a month. That means you're leaving tomorrow, right?"

"Hmm.." Jaehyun hummed as he showed his dimples while thinking. "Nope." He continued.

"What?" You suddenly stopped in your tracks to face him.

"I said nope. I'm not leaving tomorrow. Or anytime soon."

"But why? You decided to break your rule? Don't know which city to visit next?"

"None of the above, Y/N." He said with a mischievous smile.

"Then why?" You were happy and relieved to hear that Jaehyun wouldn't leave yet, but you were also extremely anxious and impatient to know why.

"Nothing complicated for a reason." He declared, putting his hands in the pockets of his sweater as he slightly squirmed on his feet. "I just.. fell in love with the place, with the people, with you." He looked at you as the last word slipped from his lips.

You didn't quite catch on, you were a bit slow. There was a short moment of awkward silence caught between the two of you until you finally understood what he just said.

You took a few steps back. "I.. I don't know what to say, Jaehyun. Should I believe you? You're a runaway who just comes and goes-"

"Not this time, Y/N. Not this time." Jaehyun persuaded you, stepping forward and gently holding your arms to prevent you from moving away further. "I know that based on my routine, yes I'm supposed to leave tomorrow. And yes, I'm a runaway who comes and goes but for some reason, I don't want to now. There's some energy that keeps me here, that makes me want to stay even one more day. Then another day, then another one. And every night as I lay in my bed in the dark, I keep thinking what that energy is. Till I realized that it's you. That energy is you, it's always been you. You're like a strong magnet that attracts me so fucking much."

By the time Jaehyun ended his confession, his grip on your arms was slightly tighter and his breath was running out. While you on the other hand had your own breath caught up in your lungs, overwhelmed with everything you just heard.

"You're not leaving because of me? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yes, Y/N. I'm not leaving without you." He replied with a cheeky smile as he let go of your arms.

"What do you mean?"

"You said you want to leave, right? We'll leave together!" He said excitedly. A minute ago he was being serious and hot and now he's back to his cute self.

You looked uncertain and so Jaehyun decided to go on.

"Let's wait for the results of the entrance exams and then when we find out that you passed, let's move to the city as soon as we can. Don't worry about where we'll live, I already know a place. I'll take care of everything."

"What if I don't get accepted to the university?"

"I know you will." He replied confidently with a warm dimpled smile.

"How do you know that.. Wait. You already know a place in the city where we can live?"

"Yup. Actually, I'm from there. I've never told anyone I met on my journey where I came from, but I just told you." He laughed.

"Really? But is it alright for you to return there next month? You might want to travel more."

"Nope. For now I'm good already. I can travel again anyway. But when that time comes, I won't be alone anymore. I'll take you with me, even just for a few weekends when you're not busy with university."

You were very much amazed by Jaehyun. It seemed that he already had everything planned out for the two of you, even though you have yet to give him a "Yes". You looked down on the ground to avoid his gaze and to process what's happening.

"I understand if you're hesitant or if you want to say no. We've only known each other for a month so maybe I haven't gained your full trust. But I just want you to know that I won't harm you in any way. I'm not even doing this for myself. I'm doing this for you."

"What do you mean by that?" You looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears.

"I want to save you. Save you from your abusive father. Save you from that disastrous home, if you can even call it one. The first time we met that night in the pavilion, we were complete strangers to each other but you opened up to me and after hearing what you said, I knew that I had to do something to help. Do something more than just making you my personal tour guide. Definitely something more than that. I can't just leave you. My conscience wouldn't be able to take it." He delivered the last sentence as he gently turned your left arm around to show the small purple bruise you were hiding.

"How did you know?"

"I saw it as you were going down the bus earlier. Your dad is a fucking horrible person." He hissed, gritting his teeth.

"Calm down. It's nothing. It doesn't hurt anymore." You said as you took back your arm and forced a smile.

"Please come with me. Please? You don't have to continue living like this. I can help you have a better life. A secure life without any form of abuse." He said as he wiped your tears and held your face.

You looked into his eyes and there you saw honesty that showed he meant everything he's been telling you. "You know, I intentionally avoided you this past week. It's not true that I was busy. I ignored your calls and texts on purpose."

Jaehyun blinked twice and furrowed his brows in confusion, obviously taken aback.

"I told my friend about you and she advised that it would be best for me if I stop myself from completely falling for you so I could save myself from the heartbreak caused by falling for someone who would eventually leave. She told me not to fall for a guy who's on vacation." You said before you pursed your lips tightly in order to stop more tears from falling.

Jaehyun slowly removed his hands from your face but not his gaze and you feared that he would take back all his promises.

"I understand your friend's concern and that you're afraid of getting your heart broken by me. But as I already said, I'm not leaving without you. You don't have to be afraid of anything."

You breathed out a sigh of relief before he continued, "So, will you come with me?"

"Yes, Jaehyun. I'll go with you." You finally declared.

"Oh my god, really?! Thank you. Thank you so much, Y/N. I'm so happy you have no idea." He said, exhaling the breath he unconsciously held in his throat as he placed his forehead against yours.

"I'm the one who should say thank you, Jaehyun. Really. So, you're now my knight in shining armor?" You giggled as you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you.

"Nope. Not in shining armor. After those months of being a runaway and fending for myself, you think my armor is still shiny? I'm battle-hardened, sweetheart." He said before leaving a kiss on your lips.

You held hands as the two of you walked, asking each other where to go for dinner. For the first time in ever, love and a sense of security was felt in your heart.

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roseonhissleeve · 7 years

Text

Easy

REQUEST: Hi! Can you do one where Harry is upset about his family or anxiety or something and you ask him to let you in? Something fluffy? Thanks!

You’d never seen Harry get angry before.

You’d been dating for about three months now and you’d never heard him raise his voice. Even though he was just about to start promo season for his new single and was about to announce his upcoming album and tour, the man never doubted himself. You could tell that he absolutely loved his work, because he never showed even a flicker of resentment towards any aspect of it—he had the patience of a saint, where you would have lost it by now if you were in his shoes.

But there was a first time for everything.

You were driving over to his flat for an quiet evening together. You’d barely seen one another that entire week prior because of his hectic schedule, and you were looking forward to finally getting him alone. You couldn’t lie, you’d been feeling a tad bit neglected and it had been starting to get to you. You knew that when you agreed to date a rock star boyfriend it wouldn’t come without it’s downsides, but you were starting to feel like you weren’t a priority anymore. Which is why when he called and suggested an evening together, you felt over the moon.

You walked into the apartment without knocking—you’d stopped doing that during the second month—and shrugged off your sweater while you slipped off your shoes.

“Harry!” You called out into his home, walking into the kitchen to set down the bottle of wine that you’d picked up. The two of you had planned to make sangria that night along with dinner—you set your purse down on the counter and exhaled a soft huff at his absence before deciding to go find him.

The first room you checked in was his office, where he spent most of his time lately while he was home. Surely enough, there he was—he was leaning forward onto the desk with his elbows, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. You could see the rise and fall of his shoulders as he breathed, and you were almost afraid to interrupt his silence. Your first instinct was to get annoyed that he was doing work when you were supposed to meet up, but you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Harry?” You spoke hesitantly, stepping into the room. You could feel the tension that he carried in his body from all the way where you were standing. It took him a second to register your voice but once he did he looked up at you, and you could see the stress and anxiety that he carried in his eyes.

“Sorry, love, didn’t hear yeh come in…” he croaked quietly, rubbing at his eyes before sitting up straight in his chair. You took a few steps closer to him, awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Any of the irritation you’d felt went away when you saw the look on his features.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, watching him as he leaned back in his chair. You immediately knew that you’d lost him again—he was staring into nowhere in particular, his green eyes hard and set on whatever thoughts that were racing through his head. You’d never seen him like this—usually when the two of you were together he was attentive, caring, and he made you feel like you were the only one in the room. Especially on a date night.

“Harry, what’s going on?” You repeated, causing his gaze to shift from wherever he was staring to look at your face. He looked almost impatient with you as he shook his head slightly, pursing his lips.

“Nothing,” he replied curtly, glancing over at his phone as if he was expecting a call. Your annoyance was starting to get the best of you. It was one thing to be completely preoccupied after a week of barely speaking, but now he was just being difficult.

“I know something’s wrong, Harry,” you pressed, walking around so that you could stand behind him. You gently set your hands on his shoulders, to which he tensed underneath your touch—you could feel him breathing, and you were starting to get frustrated with the lack of communication. You knew that he was bound to get angry at some point in your relationship—he wasn’t perfect, you knew that. But here you were, trying to support him, and he seemed like he had absolutely zero intention of letting you do so.

“Baby, I adore yeh, but I don’t want to be touched right now,” he spoke softly, stiffening further due to your hands on his shoulders. His words felt like a slap to the face.

Were you being petty? Sure. Maybe. But you were hurt. You were already in a vulnerable place having missed him for an entire week. You were not the kind of girl who waited around for her boyfriend to put her first. Hell, before Harry you had even convinced yourself that you didn’t want a boyfriend. You were independent and you loved it that way, and he was the one who swooped into your life with his knight in shining armour act and made you fall for him. You were not used to wanting someone’s attention.

“I’m not an idiot,” you huffed out impatiently, stepping away from him and walking around so that you could stand in front of his desk.

“I didn’t say yeh were an idiot, (Y/N),” he stated, but you could tell that his mind was still elsewhere. You were about to speak again when he reached for his phone and opened the lockscreen, and you could see him tap on his messaging app. You could feel yourself getting more and more worked up—you hadn’t seen him all week because of his busy schedule, and now that he finally had the night off he wasn’t even paying attention to you? Refusing to speak to you?

“Harry…”

“(Y/N),” he replied, setting his phone down less than gently.

“Please, just…this isn’t like you to do, and I’m worried,” you sighed, tilting your head sideways to attempt to catch his gaze. You had to give him the benefit of the doubt—there was a reason why out of all the men who’d asked you for a date, you said yes to him. He was special, and this wasn’t like him at all. He finally looked up at you and you could see a flash of vulnerability in his eyes as you spoke again. “Let me in, love, please.”

“I…I don’t have time for this right now,” he uttered plainly, lowering his gaze to look at the text message that he’d received. His words felt like a punch to the gut, and it took all you had to keep your temper relatively intact. You watched as his brows furrowed while he typed away at his phone, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat.

“Fine,” you announced as you spun around on your heels and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind you.

Yes, you were quite possibly being a little melodramatic, but at that point you didn’t really care. You walked into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of wine you’d brought with you along with the corkscrew that Harry kept in the drawer left of the oven. You marched your ass into the living room and sat yourself down in front of his TV, turning it on to whatever guilty pleasure show that TLC was playing that evening and jabbing the corkscrew into the cork that was keeping you from the bottle of wine. Once you got the cork out with a pop you took a sip straight from the bottle, legs criss-crossed on the coach as you watched Veronica on TV try on the third dress, which was the one that her mother hated.

You were about ten minutes into your show when you pulled out your phone and began to check your texts and social media, trying to distract yourself from the fact that you were in Harry’s house and he was still off in his office doing who-knows-what. You were scrolling down your timeline on Twitter when you saw it.

Long story short, there was a string of nasty tweets that were being catapulted at Gemma’s account, and she had a handful of not-so-nice words to say in response to them.

Crap.

They were bad. Really bad. You were as put together as the next person, but if it was you on the receiving end of what was being said, you would lose your cool as well.

You felt like an idiot. Here you were, moping about not getting to spend the evening with Harry the way you wanted when Gem was under a full-fledged attack. You set the bottle of wine down on the coffee table with a sigh, reaching to grab the remote and turn the TV off. You knew how protective Harry was over Gemma, and it all made sense now. Why he was so tense and upset. You were still irritated that he didn’t tell you…but you didn’t blame him for being preoccupied.

You stood up off of the couch and tucked your phone into your back pocket, walking back down the hallway and into Harry’s office. You leaned against the doorway and watched as he paced back and forth, his voice filling the air.

“No, Gems, I know…I know, but yeh shouldn’t hafta—…Gemma, this isn’t—…fuck, Gemma, this isn’t your fault, yeh shouldn’t have to put up with this bullshit,” he argued, his voice wavering near the end of his sentence. He stopped his pacing when he saw you standing in the doorway and pursed his lips, staring at you for a long moment. You offered him a small smile, walking over to sit down in his desk chair and wait for him to get off the phone.

“I’m gonna fix this,” he exhaled in a defeated tone, running his free hand through the messy locks on his head. “I promise, s’not gonna happen again…No, I know that I can’t control—…I know…I know…Okay. I love you, Gems…Okay…Tell mum I say hullo…G’bye.”

He hung up the phone and took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. Afterwards he opened his eyes and looked over at you, his features already having an apology written all over them.

“Thought yeh would’ve left…” he spoke quietly, walking over to where you were sitting. You shook your head softly, flashing a small smile.

“I may have broken into the wine,” you whispered, your weak attempt at a joke causing him to flash the tiniest of smiles. He took a seat at the edge of the desk so that he could be in front of you, reaching to take your hands in his and intertwine his fingers with yours.

“How’s Gemma?” You asked softly, giving his hands a small squeeze. He closed his eyes and sighed, lowering his gaze to the floor momentarily before speaking.

“She’s taking it like a champ,” he said, his voice filled with pride and something else (shame?) all at the same time. He fell silent afterwards, and you stood up out of your chair and took a step forward so you could place yourself between his legs that hung off of the desk, slipping your arms around his shoulders.

“Baby, look at me,” you said, causing him to eventually tilt his head upwards so that he could meet your gaze.

“I’m sorry this happened,” you began, your fingertips absently playing with the little tufts of hair on the back of his neck. “You know I love Gemma with every bit of my heart…But she’s stronger than you think. You’ve got to give her credit for that, she’s holding her own. And I know that we haven’t been dating for very long…but you’ve got to let me in, love. You can’t shut me out, it’s not fair…”

“I know,” he breathed out, and you could see the shame that flashed across his features. He reached down to set his hands on the small of your back, pulling you a bit closer to his chest. “I know…m’sorry. I just…I like yeh so much and I didn’t want you to hafta see what you’re gonna have to eventually deal with.”

“What do you mean?” You asked quietly, brows furrowing.

“This is the ugly side,” he scowled. “The side yeh haven’t seen yet…the minute people find out that we’re together, some of the fans will be supportive, but others…well, you saw how bad they can get. And you wouldn’t be the first person scared off by it. I just…I just wanted to hold onto us a little bit longer before that chance of losing you to it all.”

“Oh, Harry,” you smiled softly, leaning forward to press a soft kiss upon his lips. He accepted gratefully, leaning into your lips for a long moment before you pulled away. “Baby, I knew exactly what I was signing up for when I decided to be with you. I knew it wasn’t going to all be easy, but this…being with you…this is easy. The way I feel about you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Because it feels…right. We feel right to me, and as long as we hold onto that, I can get through anything…but you have to let me lean on you. And you can’t keep me in the dark…”

“Okay,” he grinned, nodding his head in agreement with your words. His fingertips tickled your skin as his danced across your hips, giving you a small squeeze. “M’sorry for making you feel like I was shutting you out.”

“I’m sorry for watching half an episode of Say Yes to the Dress without you,” you grinned cheekily, wiggling your hips within his grasp.

“You didn’t,” he replied, his jaw dropping at the nod of your head. He proceeded to exhale a small huff, lips pouting slightly.

“We can start it from the beginning, c’mon you goon,” you giggled, stepping away from him to make your way towards the door of his office. As you walked away he reached to deliver a soft smack to your bum, causing you to laugh some more before reaching to grab his hand and tug you along with him.

A half hour later you were snuggled up against his chest, both of you halfway into the second episode of SYTTD and sharing a bottle of wine. You were expecting a pizza delivery within the next twenty minutes, but you were quite content where you were underneath a fluffy blanket and between Harry’s arms.

“She needs to stand up to her horrid mum-in-law,” he commented. You tilted your head up to look at his furrowed brows, fully invested in what was going on in the show. “An’ what are they doing giving her a dress with a sweetheart neckline?”

“You’re an absolute doofus,” you grinned, proceeding to press a handful of smoochy kisses to his cheek. He giggled quietly underneath you, his body shaking with every laugh and vibrating through your own.

He was an absolute doofus.

But he was your doofus.

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saltandsilverstories · 4 years

Text

Gargoyle

A blob of hand cream, pale pink and scented more like FreBreeze than the cherry blossoms on its packaging, rolls onto my palm. I cap the tube with my teeth, rubbing the cream into my skin. February’s chill had seeped through my gloves, drying out my hands. The cream seemed to coat my fingers more than repair the damage the cold had done.

My legs vibrate against the seat, the keychains on my purse jingling just louder than the rumbling of the subway car.

Most people were sitting, while one or two people stood up, swaying in place as the subway turned down a tunnel. Someone’s music was turned up too loud, the faint screeching of electropop prominent over the shuffling of shoes and crinkling of jackets. Someone down the car coughs, the sound overlapping the voice of the PA system.

“Arriving at: Museum. Museum station is this stop. Doors will open on the left.”

I drop the hand cream back into my purse, swapping it for my phone. The train jolts as it stops, the doors chiming as they slide open. Bodies change places beyond the threshold of the doors, a biting breeze slipping in between them.

My phone lays in my hand, face down. I flip it over, my finger tapping the screen twice. We flood its blackness. 10:24 in bright white rests on our heads. Me and you, the “One Year Sober” chip between your teeth, the stick of a lollipop between mine. Your hair’s parted in the middle, mine a bit to the right. Our outlines are fuzzy, blurring us into blobs of grey sweatshirt and blue jeans.

---

You had a few of the same sweatshirt, keeping them on-site for convenience, you said. You wore one at the graduation party, its sleeves and chest all dotted with stickers of stars and moons.

They didn’t have a lot of food at the clinic, so I left ten minutes after I got there to pick up a cake from Fortino’s. They were still setting up decorations -- sad, droopy things -- when I got back. Staff placed the cake between the cups and plates, the bubblegum pink and canary yellow of the streamers making the room look a little more like it was meant to house a celebration.

“Jackie!” You held a celery stick in your fingers like a cigarette, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

Your hair smelled like dad’s shampoo when we hugged. “Hey.”

With how often I visited, you didn’t bother with a tour, but instead brought me to your dorm.

“No cards today.” You were rooting around in a drawer where the deck usually was.

“Why not?” I shifted where I sat, trying to see over your shoulder. “Hey, wait.”

“What?” A pair of socks landed on the tiles.

“You’re making a mess.” My arm reached for the socks.

“Stop it,” you swatted me away, “It’s fine.”

“Okay, okay.” My legs crossed themselves.

“Here. Look.” You held a package, wrapped in napkins from the cafeteria, held together with tape and elastic bands.

In my palms it seemed so tiny. “What is this?” My voice was tinier still.

“A lil’ something.” You hooked some of your hair behind your ear. “A thank-you.”

The elastics came off easy, and the tape didn’t resist my tugging at all. The bare box seemed like it used to house earrings, or maybe it still did. I popped off the lid.

An envelope lay inside, folded, bent in place with two bobby pins. They clattered inside the empty box as I fished open the envelope.

“Dear Miss Evelyn Santos, we are pleased to inform you…” My voice tapered off so my brain could process the meaning of each word. “Do mom and dad know?”

You nodded, your smile warping your tone. “Called them when it came in the mail. I wanted to tell you in person, though.”

“Evelyn, holy shit.”

“I’m back in action, baby!” Your arms went up in a cheer.

A giggle, mine. The first of the day. It built beneath my tongue until laughter broke free. I embraced you, tighter this time.

“U of T, huh? You’re really cleaning up.” You let go of me. I hoped you could hear how proud I was.

Your left cheek dimple peeked out as your smile deepened. “Wouldn’t have tried if not for you, so thank you.”

“You know I’ll always look out for you.” I handed you back the envelope. The letter had details you needed for registration, or I would’ve kept it in a frame.

“I know, and I hope this, uh, shows you that I’ll be okay. You’ve done a lot for me, and I’m gonna be fine now. It’s time you get back to focusing on you, Jackie.” You placed your hand over mine.

In the main room an hour later, you stood on a fake stage, behind a podium, and a mic on a crooked stand. Your sponsor was right beside you, hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt.

You tapped the mic. “I just wanna say something real quick, if that’s okay?” There was four of your voice, all in different pitches, all muddled by the prehistoric speakers they’d dug up.

Your sponsor nodded.

“Uh, so, heh. I guess, one year ago, this isn’t where I thought I’d be. I was supposed to have graduated by now. From school, not here. There was a point where I, like, wasn’t really myself at all, not even just because of the morphine. It came after, and I don’t remember a lot of it, but I do remember my sister, who’s here with me today--” You pointed me out like I was the one graduating. The warmth that blossomed somewhere under my ribs… If I could’ve bottled it I would have. “--just about dragged me out of our house and got me here. I’m on this stage because of her, and I promise you, Tony and Jackie, and everyone else I’ve come to support here, that once I leave here tonight, I’m never gonna be back.”

Someone else beat me to starting the standing ovation. It died down too quick, just as your sponsor handed you your chip.

You brought an extra lollipop with you when you came back to your seat. Yours was gone by the time the last of the graduates had finished up on stage. I saved mine for after, when you hooked your arm through mine and pulled me over to the windows. The sun wasn’t out anymore, but the streetlamps were, dropping spotlights every few feet along the sidewalk.

“Here,” I handed her my phone, putting the lollipop in my mouth. Rainbow didn’t really have a flavour more complex than just ‘sugar.’ “Take a photo of us.”

Your eyes got really wide as you took the phone, holding it out in front of us. You held the chip between your teeth, maybe trying to match me and my lollipop stick.

“Don’t do that.”

You turned your head before I could grab the chip. “Shh! Just smile.”

We did smile, yours wrinkling by your eyes. You tapped a few things when you were done, holding up the screen for me to see after.

“It’s your lockscreen now.” The chip was in your pocket.

“It’s perfect.”

---

Our selfie vanishes, the screen tired of waiting for my input. My reflection blinks up at me from within the confines of my phone screen. I tap the screen again, opening up WhatsApp. Nothing new greets me in our chat. There’s no service anyway.

“im out w friends”

“Do they use?”

“it doesn’t matter m’m not like that anymore”

“Yeah, but what if you get hurt? You’re

almost done your master’s.

Don’t let all our hard work slip away.”

“relax if i was gonna relapse i woudlve already”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“i am safe i am more than safe u gotta let me live a little”

“Now arriving at: St. Patrick. St. Patrick Station is this stop. Doors will open on the left.”

I blink, glancing at the blinking lights of the line map. Just two more until Union. I lock the phone, shoving into my coat pocket.

Laughter trickles down the car until it’s beside me. I follow it to its source: two girls, one in pink earmuffs, the other in a black toque, hunched over a phone in earmuff’s hands.

My gut folds itself in half, sharp edges digging into the inside of my abdomen.

---

I was in the bathroom. Listerine sloshed around inside my mouth, my study sheet taped up on the mirror. Still had to get to my skincare, and floss before going back to review the rest of the review notes I’d left lying in my room.

The exhaust fan was on, and it clunked every few seconds. The squeak of the knob on my bedroom door was only just louder than the fan.

I spat the mouthwash out, wiping my mouth with one hand, the other unlocking the bathroom door.

The light was on in my room. A shadow flitted around inside. Papers rasped, drawers groaned open and shut.

You were in jeans and a shirt I didn’t recognize. Your hair was up in a bun on top of your head, off-centre. You knelt by my bed, one of your arms lost beneath the space between it and the floor.

My lips pressed together, leaning against the doorframe. I faced the hallway.

The box scraped along the hardwood as you unearthed it.

Maybe you’d leave the change in there. Maybe you’d only take the change. Maybe you’d only take what you needed. Maybe you were adding to my savings. Maybe you’d pulled out a normal shoebox instead.

Coins jingled, and any other maybes dissipated.

The photo of us, of me, you, mom, and dad, hanging by the stairs was obscured. The glass caught the light leaking from my room, blotting out the four of us.

The box replaced itself, your footsteps dampened by your socks.

The light switch clicked. The door shut.

Your eyes were on me, and mine were searching for you in a photograph.

---

“Now arriving at: Union. Union Station is this stop. Doors will open on the left.”

My legs wobble as I cross the car, the motion of the train working against my heels.

The walk to the Tim’s is short, or maybe it’s long and I’m fast-forwarding the in-between. My phone buzzes in my coat pocket. Once, twice, again.

I forget to check the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Hey. You close?” The inside of the store spills out with your voice.

“Yeah, I’m coming in now,” I huff, my breath blooming in front of my face. I pass through the cloud, pulling open the door.

“Jackie!”

I turn towards the call and see you in a booth for two, one arm waving me over, the other placing your phone into the pocket of your scrub shirt.

I drape my coat over the back of my seat. A French Vanilla sits on my side of the table, mirroring yours.

“Cold out there, huh?” You start, pulling your drink towards you.

I nod, taking my seat.

Your scrubs are clean and without wrinkles. You iron them. Your hair is smooth and curled at the ends. You style your hair. Your eyes are lined with thin wings, your skin airbrushed. You do your makeup now.

My jeans were bought two years ago. My hair is in a bun. I’m bareface and in a sweater I wore two times this week.

Chatter and a grainy remix of Bad Romance fills the space between our words.

“How’ve you been?” I ask right away. It’s all I really need to know.

You sip from your drink, nodding. “Good, good. Work’s good, I’m good.”

Are you using? “That’s good, yeah.”

“What about you? You guys working on anything new?” You sound curious. Genuine.

“Uh, not yet. We’re between projects right now.” I rotate my cup with my fingertips. “The last game didn’t do very well, so we’re just brainstorming.”

“Ah, okay. I’m sure you’ll figure out something.” A smile.

I return with my own smile. It ends at my cheeks.

We take a sip from our drinks.

“Okay, I’m just gonna say it before I can’t.” You exhale sharply.

“Say what?” I hear myself ask.

You look down at your drink, then at me. “I can’t do this.”

“What do you mean?” I regret drinking anything at all.

You nip your lower lip, pushing some of your hair behind your ear. You match the tiny photo of yourself on the ID pinned to your shirt. “I can’t… If… I don’t want us to not talk, you know? And if you’re gonna freak out and try and micromanage me again…”

My head bobs. “I get it, Evelyn. I… I will always look out for you, but I get it, and I’m trying. I’m trying to give you what you want. Youve gotta know why I worry, though.”

You hold your drink with both of your hands. “I know, I know, but sis, it’s been like six years. I’m around the stuff every day and I don’t have urges. I don’t wanna be where I was before. I’m okay now, and I need you to know that, like, really know that if I’m gonna let you back in again.”

What if you get hurt? What if I could stop you but I don’t? A long exhale escapes through my nose. “Okay. Yeah, okay. I, uh. You’re right. I backed off for this long. I trusted you, I do trust you, and yeah. I get it. You’re okay now.”

You don’t need me anymore.

“Thank you.” You take my hand across the table, squeezing for a second before letting go. Your smile is large, pushing even your eyebrows up higher. Those used to be untrimmed, bushy things, but now they were slim, framing your eyes. You’re okay.

I smile back. It goes a little farther this time.

#from the same portfolio as memento mori #this one is called gargoyle bc #what do gargoyles do #they guard things #but this is guardianship to an extreme #it was a lot more surreal in its earliest drafts #mywriting

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