#god why is all things must pass (album and song) so fucking good

[girl-kendallroy]

top five albums? maybe why you like them too :3

AUVH. UGH. okay again probably in no particular order it would break my heart i think

all things must pass by george harrison: ohh. oh my god. guys. best beatle best post beatles album. every song fucks i don’t think i’d survive without it. it’s for the eldest daughters really… ugh. man….

falsettos (revival) cast album: falsettos is just so good. i love the story i love the characters i love that it’s a relatively accessible musical since it’s sung all the way through so you don’t need to see it on stage to know what’s happening which is cool!!!

hot fuss the killers: the killers are SOOO FUCKING UNDERRATED WHAT THE FUCK.. god. all these things that i’ve done is my favourite song ever but everything else is soo good. man…. cornerstone early 2000s rock. listen to it

shadowland kd lang: this is one of the only country albums i really and truly care about and i am well aware i am not beating stereotypes (canadian or otherwise aka lesbian ones) here but i don’t care…. good god she can fuckinf sing. and i love torch songs soooo. yeah. i also unironically love the album cover…. god. okay well. just listen to it and you’ll understand probably. please listen

self titled hozier: you already know. idk what else to say like this is tumblr.com you’ve probably listened to it

honorable mentions: white album, abbey road, queen ii, songs from a room and songs of love and hate, graduation (im sorry….) the great escape, violator, music for the masses, george harrison self titled, KIND OF BLUE……. the suburbs…. okay

[muzaktomyears]

today is clearly a bob&george day for me

blasting 'I'd Have You Anytime' into the ether

#okay i will also listen to the new lorde song just for that 'prettier jesus' line #god why is all things must pass (album and song) so fucking good???????? #how dare he

[the-bau-quinjet]

Always

Summary: You overhear Steve talking to Bucky about going back to be with Peggy. Rather than confronting the situation, you write him a letter.

Warnings: I cried just thinking about writing this, so much angst, some swearing

Word Count: 3305

a/n: here it is folks: the sad fic I mentioned a few posts ago. Inspired by a multitude of songs from the album Ashlyn by Ashe. I high key recommend listening to that album while you read or just in general. I'm pretending like nobody died in Endgame because that shit is sad and I know this is sad aside from that, but I still have a heart ya know?

Per usual, any song lyrics (or song lyrics that I changed a bit) are in bold! I think used lyrics from Me Without You, Save Myself, I'm Fine, Love is Not Enough, and Always.

Masterlist

"You'd really want to go back?" You overheard Bucky right before you walked into Steve's room.

"I don't know." He let out a deep sigh. "I mean, I do know, but what do you think?" Steve's answer left you wondering what they were discussing.

"All for Peggy?" Your heart stopped waiting for Steve to reply.

Another sigh escaped his lips. You could easily picture him running his hands down his face, a signal he was deep in thought. "I mean, I never got a chance to see what would happen with her. Don't you think she deserves this much?"

You felt frozen. You couldn't hear the rest of Steve's answer or Bucky's reply over the sound of blood rushing through your ears.

It was all too much to handle. Rather than confront the grab bag of emotions swimming inside of you, you turned around and went back to your room in a zombie like haze.

"Friday, don't let anyone in my room."

You know the AI replied, but you were still too caught up in thought to understand it. Your mind was full of questions you knew you couldn't figure out the answers to alone.

Why would Steve want to go back for Peggy when he had you? Why would he even consider it if he loved you like he said he does? Is he still in love with Peggy? Has he been in love with her the whole time? Why would he choose her when he's spent so much more time with you?

"Y/N?" The sound of Steve's voice outside your door startled you. "Y/N, honey, are you in there?"

You could hear the doorknob rattling in his attempt to open it, but Friday was doing as you asked.

"I thought you were going to meet me downstairs?"

His words only broke your heart more, a small sniffle escaping despite your efforts to remain quiet.

"Are you not feeling well? What's wrong?"

His questions were left unanswered, much like the questions swimming around your head.

Steve kept talking to you through the door for a while, but you never replied. You weren't ready to face him, not until you knew you wouldn't say something you'd later regret.

-

The next few days carried on much the same. You refused to leave your room, relying on various snacks and protein bars you had for food. Every few hours, you would try to write down what you were feeling, but it didn't help calm you down the same way it typically did.

Everyone tried talking to you, but nothing worked. Steve spent hours outside your door every day in an effort to get you to talk to him, but you just couldn't figure out your emotions. It was all still too much to handle.

Late one night, Steve said something that forced you into action.

"Y/N, I don't know what happened, but if I did something I'm truly sorry. I'm returning the stones tomorrow. We've never not said goodbye before a mission... I just hope this one is the same."

You listened as he quietly walked back down the hallway, steps slowly receding until you were left in the same absolute silence you've spent the last few days.

You knew you had to talk to him, but hearing him say to your face that he's staying with Peggy would kill you.

You couldn't survive a permanent goodbye, not in your current state of mind.

After a few minutes of silent contemplation, you decided to write Steve a letter. Maybe you'd give it to him or maybe it would just help you organize your thoughts. Either way, it would be helpful to write to someone for a change.

Hi Steve,

I, well, I guess I'll start with this. You deserve an apology. I'm truly sorry for ignoring you for the past few days. I just... I heard what you said to Bucky and I didn't know how to deal with it.

You know I've never been the best at controlling my emotions, so I just holed myself up in here. I avoided you so I could figure out my own feelings first.

I know I should talk to you. You deserve that too, but I don't think I could survive the heartbreak. I guess I'll try to explain everything I've been thinking and feeling since that night.

Honestly, I'm not sure where to start. It feels kind of stupid to say, but I obviously experienced a range of emotions when I first heard you and Bucky talking about going back.

You know I've always found solace in writing, so that's what I'm doing. I needed a way to clear my thoughts, and it turned into this concoction of thoughts and some poems - you know how I feel about poems. (Look at that! A sarcastic comment! I didn't think I was capable of humor anymore.)

This might not surprise you, but the first emotion I clung to was anger. I'm not angry anymore, well at least not as angry. Anyway, I wrote this next part when I was absolutely pissed at you.

-

What the fuck?

You want to go back in time and stay there?

You want to leave me behind?

Steve, what the fuck is wrong with you?

I could keep you here. If I really wanted to, I could figure out a way to do it. I could cut the brakes just to keep you from leaving. I'll do it too. My hands on the wheel would drive us into a wall.

You must think I'm being petty. Hiding in my room like a child to avoid you. All the while, here I am writing all the things I could do to keep you. Well, news flash: I don't need you. You made me think the only world I could exist in, was one you lived in, almost had me fooled.

Here's something you probably never considered, because I sure as shit never thought I'd even need to. I can be me without you. I don't have to rely on you for my own happiness. I thought you loved me, but if you want to go back and be with Peggy, do it. Go find yourself, let me down.

It's easy to sit here now and look back on how everything we had would always be second string to your relationship with her. God damn hindsight's 2020.

I want you to know, you did this to me. You broke my heart. When I heard you say you wanted a chance to be with Peggy, it's like my whole world crumbled down around me.

Everything I thought I knew was ripped out from under me. You poured rain all over my sunny. Yeah, someday, this could all be funny, but right now it's absolute shit.

And maybe everything will work out the way it's meant to be, but honestly I couldn't give less of a shit about that right now.

If I had the chance, I would take it back. Everything. Meeting you. Becoming friends. Dating you. Falling in love. I'd be jumping off your sinking ship, instead of going down with it.

It'd be so much easier that way. If I never fucking knew you.

One day I'll be good. I'll be over all of this bullshit. Right now I'm just mad. And you know what, it's justifiable. I think I'm allowed to be mad at you.

I'm over being so mature. If only I was never yours. Maybe I'll go back in time and undo it all. Then at least I could save myself from you.

-

Like I said, I wrote that in the heat of the moment. Once my brain caught up to my ears, all I saw was red. Anger didn't last as long as you might think though.

All that was how I felt in the moment, but I want you to know it's not true. I don't really believe any of it. I was hurt and angry and avoiding the pain I knew was just around the corner.

I've always told you anger would be my downfall because I just can't control what I say.

Let me be completely clear, I would never want to undo meeting you. You've been the best part of my life for years. I need you to know that I don't regret any of it and I never will.

Anyway, the anger shifted to tears pretty quickly. It wasn't hard to feel the pain that comes with someone you love leaving you. I can't honestly picture a world where I don't love you.

This is the first poem I wrote. With tear blurring my vision, I put pen to paper and this is what came out.

Complicated. Understated. On the way to, Devastated. I'm just holding on for dear life.

Short and sweet, right? Well, not so much sweet, but you get the point. I feel broken. Here's another bit of poetry for ya.

Right now I'm sorry, Burns through me darling, But I can't help hope In thirty years it won't.

Maybe I just need time. That's what everyone always says. "Time can heal all wounds."

It's hard to even think about moving on though when everything reminds me of you. I've got emotional souvenirs from fleeting moments we spent together. If this is the end, I'll always know you were my golden years. I know in the future I could close my eyes and go back there.

Maybe that's the hardest part. Knowing I'll always have these memories.

All I've been thinking about for the past three days is if this will ever feel better. And maybe it will, when time has passed.

Maybe when I'm older, I'll run out of stories about you. Maybe when I'm older, I'll know what it's like not to love you, Anymore.

Despite my best efforts, it's still only a maybe. Maybe when I'm older I'll be able to stop thinking about you every second of the day. Maybe when I'm older I won't feel like crying everytime I see your face.

But maybe not. Maybe I'll always feel this way.

Maybe when I'm six feet, underneath the concrete, I'll know what it's like not to want you, anymore.

I'm not saying all this to make you feel guilty. You don't need to tell me you're sorry. I know you are. I know you would never hurt me like this without a reason.

I should just talk to you, but I don't think I can. Not yet. We don't need to talk til we're ready. Both of us.

I guess I do have one question. Do you really love me?

I don't think I want to know the answer right now. Because even if you do... it takes a lot more than a rose, more than a kiss, more than a heart to truly love someone and spend forever with them.

It takes a lot more than a ring, more than a vow, more than a promise to build and maintain a relationship.

Love is not enough. I know that now. Even if you love me to the best of your abilities, you could still love Peggy more. Love may not be enough for us, but at least we got that much.

If you leave, I'll live the rest of my life grateful that at least I got your touch for as long as I did.

I used to think we could take our sweet time, that everything would be just fine. But now I know maybe not.

I cried for days. Like I said, I'm not writing this to make you feel guilty though. I just want to be completely honest. I cried a lot, probably more than I ever have before.

I kept replaying memories of time I spent with you. Not even dates, just the small moments that made me know I love you.

Like that day I woke up too early, almost put salt in my coffee. Oh I thank God that you stopped me before that.

I've never been a morning person, but ever since I met you you've always been there to keep my head on straight.

I think the thing I love most about you is how you can read me better than anyone I've ever known. I can hide from everyone else and they won't bat an eye. They never can tell when I'm falling apart on the inside.

No matter how hard I try to hide it though, you don't believe me when I say I'm alright. You can always, always tell.

It's like you've got a sixth sense that tells you I need you when I try to say I'm fine.

Before I met you, I would get so lonely everyday. Now I'm only lonely until you ask if I'm okay and then I remember that I have people who are there for me. I have you.

All this to say, I love you, Steve. I love you more than I've ever loved another human being.

Forever yours,

Y/N

-

It took you nearly all night to write a coherent letter and come up with a plan to talk to Steve. A quick glance at the clock let you know Steve would be up any minute, so you had to act fast.

You opened your door for the first time in days, running in a full sprint to the stairs and down the hall to Steve's door.

With one final burst of courage, you shoved the letter under the door and ran away before anyone could find you out of your room.

-

"Y/N?" A familiar knock on your door woke you from a restless sleep. "I read your letter, Y/N please let me explain."

It felt like time slowed down as you stared at the door.

"Y/N, I have to bring the stones back, but I really want to talk to you first."

"Come in." You steadied yourself with a deep breath, but one look at Steve ruined your flimsy resolve.

"Y/N... I tried to wait for you to come to me, but..."

He stopped talking when you shook your head, a painful sob forming in your chest.

"I've been thinking a lot." You started slowly, voice scratchy from days of not being used except to cry. "What if staying with me isn't the best thing to keep you happy?"

"Y/N, I-"

"Please let me finish." You waited for him to acknowledge your words before you spoke again.

"If letting you go is the best way to show that I love you, I will." Tears poured down your cheeks, breaths coming to you shakily.

"Captain Rogers, your presence is requested in the backyard." Friday's voice echoed through the room.

Steve looked more torn than you've ever seen him.

"Let's go." You nodded toward the door. "I've got more to say, but you've got somewhere to be."

Slowly, the two of you walked down the hall and entered the elevator.

"I don't know if you'll ever come back-"

"Y/N, really just let me-"

"Steve, please." You begged him to let you get it all out. "I won't ask 'cause that's selfish."

"It's not." He cut in again.

"It is. You deserve to be as happy as possible." With a slow, shaky breath you continued your speech. "I've come to terms I might never feel whole again."

The elevator doors slid open. You followed Steve to the yard where they set up the time machine.

"I'll be broken when you're gone, but I won't hold you back if it's wrong."

"Steve, there you are! Let's go-"

"In a minute, Sam." Steve's eyes never left you, remaining soft and caring. "We can go back inside if you want." He ran his thumbs over your cheeks, ridding them of tears only to be instantly replaced. You've always hated crying in front of people.

"I don't care what people say." You shook your head, ignoring the potential pitying looks you could receive for crying in front of others. Another deep breath, and you continued. "You know I won't force you to stay."

It was your turn to wipe tears from Steve's face.

"If you leave, I'll be okay. Just promise that you won't forget me babe."

"I could never-" He cut in again only to stop when you gave him a pleading look.

"I understand if leaving is what you have to do. I don't want you to go, but I'll be okay, eventually." You let out a watery chuckle, wiping your eyes again.

"Y/N, I never meant for-"

"Steve, you ready?" Sam interrupted again.

"It's fine. You can go." You did your best to hold back any lingering tears. You had to physically turn Steve around yourself and push him towards the machine.

"Y/N, please, I can't-"

"Steve, they're waiting for you. It's okay, I promise." He finally started to walk away only to pause when you called out one more thing. "Oh, Steve?"

"Yeah?" He wore a solemn smile.

"I'll love you always."

You watched as he listened to Banner's instructions and bid farewell to Sam and Bucky. The bitter part of you wondered if Sam knew.

A strangled sob left your mouth as soon as Steve disappeared. All three men standing around the machine looked your way, Sam and Bucky running toward you to help.

"He should be back any second. It's fine!" Sam desperately tried to console you, but you knew it wouldn't work.

"Y/N. Y/N! Listen to me. Did Steve talk to you?" Bucky asked, ignoring Sam's bewildered expression.

You nodded pitifully.

"Did he explain-" You cut him off.

"He- he didn't ha-have time.: You stuttered as you tried desperately to gulp in air through the tears. "I did most of the talking. I needed him to know it was okay."

"To know what was okay?" Sam asked, still clearly confused.

The thought of explaining it only broke you down more. You would have fallen to the ground if not for Bucky catching you. Your body leaned into his.

"Doll..." Bucky shook his head. "You should have let him explain."

You choked on another sob just thinking about it.

"Shh, it's okay. You'll be okay." Bucky whispered in your ear, ignoring Sam's confused glares.

"Y/N..." The sound of Steve's voice echoed in your ears causing another painful sob to jolt through your body.

"Baby, please look at me."

You genuinely thought you were hallucinating when you opened your eyes to see Steve towering over you.

"Steve?" Your voice was barely a whisper.

"It's me, I'm here." He gently took you from Bucky's arms, cradling you close to him but leaning his head far enough away for you to look into your eyes.

"You came back..." Your tears slowed, gently falling down your cheeks as you stared at him wide-eyed.

"I was never planning to leave." He spoke while gently stroking your hair.

"B-but, you were talking to Bucky about going back?" Your tears gave way to confusion as you glanced between him and Bucky.

"Just to say goodbye." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, breathing in your scent. "I just thought she deserved a real goodbye."

New tears pooled in your eyes as you took in his words. "So, you never wanted to leave me?"

"I could never, and would never, leave you. I love you so much. I just wish I knew why you were holed up in your room sooner." He smiled at you, the same adoring smile he gave you the first time you met.

"I love you too. Always." You leaned into his embrace, relishing in the touch you thought you'd lost forever. He whispered his reply, clinging to you just as much as you were to him.

"Always."

a/n: today I discovered I am truly incapable of writing a sad ending. I just like the idea of escaping to a reality where Steve would never abandon me.

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers angst #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fluff

[jeremy-hillary-boob]

atmp for the album ask!

oh my god why would you do this. this is so hard dude.

Favorite lyric: george is an underrated lyricist so this is nearly impossible to answer, BUT. if we're talking "favorite" in terms of "what makes you want to lie on the floor and never get up," I'll have to go with the entirety of Run Of The Mill. if we mean "favorite" in terms of "sounds nice rolling around in my skull," Beware of Darkness is SO well-crafted. that gentle sibilant alliteration in "Beware of soft shoe shufflers/Dancing down the sidewalks/As each unconscious sufferer/Wanders aimlessly" is perfectly done.

Favorite song: Is it a boring answer to say All Things Must Pass? if so I think it's probably tied with What Is Life. these are two songs absolutely bursting with the highest quality george vibes - they both feel like they take up a massive amount of physical space, but All Things Must Pass does it in such a gentle, early morning fog way. it's such a warm, sleepy stretch of a song, low to the ground and spreading out slowly. What Is Life is more like the feeling of suddenly getting incredible news that's so good it keeps hitting you with a burst of consuming happiness every time you think about it.

Song that makes me cry: the obvious answer is Run Of The Mill, but I'm actually going with Apple Scruffs. it's hard to explain what I love about it because my reaction is complicated, but something about george writing a song to these people who hung around watching him have some of the best and worst times of his life... man. "You've been stood around for years/Seen my smiles and touched my tears/How it's been a long, long time/And how you've been on my mind, my Apple Scruffs." he has every reason to find these people annoying! but here he is accepting their weird, necessarily limited affection for what it is. it's very strange and tender, I don't know

Song that's a fucking bop: Wah-Wah. another song that takes up so much space! that riff is so good! his instrumental choices always fuck so severely!

Song I most dislike/least love: I'm not particularly fond of long jam tracks, so despite my overall enjoyment of atmp, I don't care for like, the last five songs on this album. It's Johnny's Birthday is a cute novelty but I wouldn't say I enjoy it from a musical perspective.

#thank you for enabling me #ask #mine

[fbfh]

“forever” paxton hall-yoshida x reader

genre: fluffy romance + mutual pining (not too slowburn tho lol)

word count: 3.4k

au: none?? jock x theatre nerd ig

pairing: Paxton x broadway baby!reader 

requested: yes !! i hope u like it uwu

warnings: one hell one motherfucking and i think that’s it for swearing?? um brief self deprecating/talking bad abt urself from paxton (bby boy needs a self love boost), reader and paxton are home alone together for a little while but nothing bad happens, uh,,, i think that’s it

summary: when Eleanor can’t run lines with you, she sends over a very attractive, mutually pining substitute.

reccomended songs: “Seventeen” - Tuck everlasting OBC, “The Kiss” -The Princess Diaries score

a/n: i’m p sure i kept the reader p gender neutral but there’s implied slightly long hair, and you play the lead (a girl named winnie) in ur schools production of tuck everlasting but like it’s theatre so anyone can play anyone lol,, this took so got dam long bc i’m fucking s o f t for jock x artist and it just sorta happened lol aLsO,, not super thoroughly edited so there might be a typo or two?? im tired lol

requests r open <3

You had only ever seen two athletes present during rehearsals. Once when Madeline (who at the time was playing Penny in your production of Hairspray) was dating a guy from the soccer team. The other was when the star of the basketball team had come in to give your choreographer pointers for the basketball scenes during High School Musical. 

Until now.

You had run onstage part of the way through “Live Like This”, which wasn’t out of the ordinary since so much progress had been made on the costumes. You were still tying the ribbon on your pinafore as you jumped into the song, but when your eyes met a face in the usually empty auditorium, you faltered. You almost sang the wrong verse, but recovered quickly, continuing with the blocking. What felt like a moment later, the number was almost done and you were nearing the end of your counterpoint with Mae Tuck - played by Eleanor, of course. Who could be better for the part? You held out the last note, trying to stay in character despite all the distractions in the back of your mind. You had to talk to Eleanor when the director called for 10; she’d started telling you how Devi was being weird recently. Also, what the Hadestown was Paxton Hall-Yoshida doing chilling in the auditorium? You shoved all that away, focusing on staying in character until the director called for a break. 

‘I want to go to the fair. I want to go so badly! I just need a change, need to get out of this house for a little while. I never do anything, so this can’t be asking for too much, right?’ 

You projected all that into your everything - face, voice, mannerisms, energy.

“Hold!” 

Everyone froze.

The director wrote a few things on his paper, sighed, and underlined something several times. 

“Okay, good job! I need to revise some of the blocking, then we’ll do notes, so take ten.” Your sudden nerves had definitely made you pitchy, you knew that would be one of your notes for sure. 

A chorus of “Thank you ten”s erupted, and you immediately ran to Eleanor, telling the others good job as you passed. 

You leaned in and started speaking to her, quietly.

“Okay you need to finish telling me about Devi, and that other news you’re being so cryptic about! Also, what’s up with Fierro over there?” you nodded towards Paxton hoping he wouldn’t see, and you noticed Fab is sitting near him. You realized they’re probably waiting for Eleanor and/or Devi. That must be it, he’s been hanging out with them lately, right? Eleanor gasped.

“You’re right! Paxton is such a Fierro!”

You cringed inwardly a little bit as her voice carried through the auditorium, mixing with the others. Your eyes darted over to him for a fraction of a second. Oh god. He was looking at you. Or in your general direction at least. Lena, the costumer, walked around the set gingerly, following you around and getting you out of your dress incredibly carefully as you and Eleanor walked off stage. 

“No! Well, yes- but no. What’s he doing here? Jocks never come here during rehearsals. I saw Fab too, are you guys and Devi getting dinner or something?” You said, entering the auditorium, and stepping out of the dress. You grabbed sweatpants and a silky, floral kimono jacket from your bag to throw over your leotard and tights. She waved back at Fab before sitting down in the front. You both grabbed your fans and dramatically flicked them open in sync. Your wrists fluttered, cooling both of you off.  A knowing, and slightly mischievous, look came on her face. 

“Devi and Fab and I are. Paxton must be here for something… else.” she shrugged, nodding towards Paxton. You looked over again. He was staring at you. You did a double take and tried to hold back your smile. 

“Wh- I do not know to what you are referring.” 

“To what I am referring is the blush on his cheeks.”

You barely held back a nervous, bubbling laugh.

“He is not blushing! Why would he be blushing!”

“I don’t know,” She shrugged, “Just like how I don’t know that he’s been loitering in the halls outside the music room during your last three solo music rehearsals.”

You struggled for an answer. Before you could form one, you were interrupted.

“Okay, okay what is the best Lin Manuel Miranda musical? Because Kathryn thinks it’s Hamilton-” 

“Duh!”

“-But I think it’s In the Heights! It’s an underrated jewel!” Jonah interjected, still wearing his Jesse Tuck hat. 

You considered for a moment.

“I mean, they’re too different to compare. In the Heights has the same energy as Rent - showcasing what goes on in ordinary people’s lives, and how love ties us all together,” he nodded in agreement, “But Hamilton is on a way larger scale, almost Les Mis meets Fun Home vibes. But in terms of personal preference…” Eleanor scoffed at your answer, and Jonah went back to debate further with Kathryn.

“Anyway,” you turned back to Eleanor to ask her what the hell she meant by Paxton Hall-Yoshida was blushing. But before you could-

“Eleanor, we need you to try on your blue dress again,” Lena was already pulling her away, “I had the empire waist in the right place but half the pins fell out, and it’s just...” And she was whisked away before you could finish the thought. You just had time to help Holly get out her wig pins and drink some lemon water before notes. Eleanor still wasn’t back, so you made sure to write down hers for her. It was pretty standard; be quiet backstage, go over your lines, don’t touch props that aren’t yours, don’t eat in costume, and a couple blocking changes you made note of. After your end of rehearsal warm downs and huddle, everyone left relatively quickly. You ducked into the bathroom to freshen up a little. Sometimes it was hard coming down from such intense energy after rehearsal. You mentally ran through your to do list. You needed to get some more tea, write that essay when you got home, go over your notes- You gasped, cutting off your own train of thought. You ran out of the bathroom to look for Eleanor, still clutching her notes in hand. 

~

Your voice still echoed in Paxton’s ears. He wished he had a whole album of you singing. Your voice made him want to ruin his spotify algorithm by listening to nothing else. You had looked at him a couple times, and his heart had almost stopped. He didn’t know eye contact could be so intense. It’s probably just cause you’re like, the only person in the audience. Where else is she supposed to look? He deflated a little. He heard his name and looked over to you and Eleanor talking together. Hopefully it was about him. Hopefully it was good. He checked his phone, trying to look busy. When he glanced up to see if you were looking, you were gone. He started to look around for you when he saw Eleanor waving at Fab, and sure enough, you were next to her. What he didn’t expect was you dropping your dress to the ground. Time slowed down (and his heart sped up) as you stretched a little, and pulled out sweatpants from your bag.

Wow.

 You had on what looked like a bathing suit on underneath, and a few other people had done the same, but he knew that image would be in his memory, probably forever. His heart was beating in his ears and he knew he must be blushing.

“You okay, Paxton?” Fab asked, a seat or two away. Oh god, he didn’t want people asking why he blushed every time he looked at you! He muttered something about needing to make a call and headed for the doors. Don’t look back at her, don’t look back at her… His eyes involuntarily darted in your direction right before he left. You had on a flowy translucent jacket, your hair thrown back supermodel style as you fanned yourself to cool down. He needed to cool down too. Maybe a cold shower, a really cold shower.

~

You managed to find Eleanor just before she left. Two girls were with her, you had seen Fab once, and you’d heard a lot about Devi, but had never been introduced. 

You gave Eleanor her notes, and she hugged you.

“You’re a lifesaver!” 

“Of course, I-”

“Uh, who’s this?” you looked over, and the shorter girl - Devi, based on what you’d heard about her -  was giving you a weird look. You introduced yourself. 

“Nice to meet you. How do you know Eleanor?” said the taller girl - definitely Fab.

“Oh,” you smiled, “she’s my almost mother in law. And my arch rival,” you counted on your fingers, “my sister, my niece, my lover, my husband, and…” you trailed off, trying to think of the other dynamics your characters had had in past shows.

“Your co-conspirator.” 

“Right,” you laughed. Devi and Fab looked at you two.

“We’re in the musical together.” you clarified. You were about to part ways when you called to Eleanor, “Hey, we’re still on for running lines tomorrow night?” 

“Uh… Sounds good!” she walked away quickly, speaking to Devi and Fab in hushed tones. Something was definitely up. That was typical Eleanor Scheming behavior. 

~

That night, you almost couldn’t sleep. This wasn’t the normal post rehearsal can’t sleep. In fact, Tuck Everlasting was the last thing on your mind as you readjusted your pillows and snuggled into your duvet. You stared at the neon blue stars projected and swirling on your ceiling. You sighed. Again. Your brain was a 24/7 livestream of Paxton Hall-Yoshida to relax/study to. You saw him again, his face in the dimly lit auditorium, Adonis in a sea of faded seats. If you hadn’t been sure before, you knew now that red was definitely his color. You rolled onto your side. Your heart picked up speed as a thought crossed your mind. You could almost see Paxton now, kneeling next to you, his fingertips brushing your cheek. The piano underscore to “Seventeen” ran through your mind. You could imagine him saying “Wait with me, we could share the world…” so vividly it almost hurt. He leaned in, and… 

You let out a loud sigh and rolled over again. Your heart was fully saturated. That’s more than enough pining for tonight. 

~

“Paxton!” 

He was a little surprised when Eleanor just walked up to him at lunch the next day. Most people were too intimidated to approach him out of the blue. 

“I have a plan.”

“Uh, I don’t know what you-”

“Cut the crap, I know you like her.” 

His face blanched. Well, yeah of course he did. Who wouldn’t? He was going to ask Eleanor if there was something he could do to win you over, just not here, not now. Not where everyone could watch and jeer and rib him for it. Just like they were doing now. 

“Woah, dude, who is it?” Trent asked. He fumbled for words. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He hadn’t kept his crush a secret because he was embarrased of you, he’d kept it a secret because his dumbass friends wouldn’t get you. Hell, he barely got you. You were so deep, and emotive, and artistic... 

“Bro, if you like her as much as it seems like you do,” Trent continued, “you gotta win her over.” He was a little shocked at the agreement murmuring through his group of friends. He didn’t know how to respond. Trent turned to Eleanor.

“What’s the plan, drama mama?”

“First of all,” she said, an almost humorously dangerous look on her face, “never call me that again. Second,” she shoved some papers into Paxton’s hands, “meet me in the music room immediately after school.” She started back for her table. Trent looked back over to Paxton. 

“You gotta do it, dude. We’ll cover for you at swim.” 

The rest of his friends agreed. He was pleasantly surprised at how supportive they were being. 

“Yeah, I guess... we’ve got a plan.”

~

The next day went by pretty smoothly. No rehearsal was scheduled since they were finishing construction for some of the sets, but everyone was instructed to do a couple read throughs of the script, focusing on scenes they’re still forgetting, to make sure everyone’s off book. You stopped by 7 Eleven to get a blue slurpee (for homework) and a couple coconut waters (for run throughs). You texted Eleanor on your way to the slurpee machine. 

okay so do you like the mango coconut water or the pineapple one?? It’s the mango one right?? i always forget lmao

sent at 4:16 pm

btw I don’t have that much homework so you can probs come by around 5:30 if you’re ready by then

sent at 4:16 pm

Bae Tuck

OMFG!! I totally forgot about running lines tonight, I can’t make it! :( but I’ll send someone over to help you out. :)

sent at 4:17 pm

You squinted at your screen. That was weird. Eleanor never used colon parentheses smilies. Like, ever. She always used emojis, and usually way more than two per text. 

yeah np, are u good? ♡

sent at 4:17 pm

Bae Tuck

Yes :)

sent at 4:18 pm

Bae Tuck

Also get the passionfruit one 🥥🍠 👀

sent at 4:18

that’s,,, el that’s a sweet potato,,

sent at 4:19 pm

Bae Tuck

Close enough 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

sent at 4:19pm

...Okay? That was definitely weird. You shook it off and headed for the counter to pay. You stopped half way there, and turned back to swap the mango for passionfruit. 

Not long after you had finished your homework and tidied up your room a little, the doorbell rang. You exited the kitchen, drinks in hand, and opened the door. Your heart caught in your throat. Paxton Hall-Yoshida was standing outside. And you were pretty sure he looked nervous. You both just stood there for a second. No one breathed, no one spoke. 

“Uh, hi, do you want to…” you backed up, motioning for him to come inside. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he said, entering the doorway. Paxton motherfucking Hall-Yoshida was in your living room. You held out a hand to him.

“Coconut water?” he took the box, looked at the label, and smiled. 

“Yeah, thanks,” he said again, this time a faint, yet unmistakable note of joy in his voice. He took a sip. He smiled.

“Passionfruit’s my favorite.” You silently thanked Eleanor, who you knew must have planned all this. Most of the evening was a blur, and you thanked god your family wasn’t home right now. You went upstairs, texted Eleanor asking what the actual fuck, made some surprisingly comfortable small talk, then filled him in on how to run lines. 

“Do you think playing the soundtrack would help you… get into character?” he asked. 

“I would probably just end up singing the whole thing,” You laughed and tried to ignore the butterflies in your chest. The main scene you struggled with was before “Seventeen”. It was harder to get into Winnie’s head because you had no romantic feelings for Jonah, and you always just made each other laugh. You had started with a few easier scenes of Winnie and Jesse, like the fair, and the dialogue before “Top of the World”. 

“That was really good,” he said, and you felt the sincerity of his words. 

“Thanks…” you smiled and took a sip of coconut water, hoping you weren’t blushing too hard. 

“So what next?” he asked. 

“Probably the scene before ‘Seventeen’,” you said, giving him the page and scene number, “it’s one of the hardest ones for me. I guess I just can’t connect to Jonah the way Winnie does.” 

“Huh,” he said, skimming the page. When you looked up at him, he had something between a smile and a smirk playing at his lips. You made yourself look away before you got too distracted. You refused to think about the fact that you were sitting across from Paxton Hall-Yoshida on your bed, in your room, like you were… close with each other. His eyes skimmed the script, finding the dialogue. He glanced up at you and nodded, indicating he found his place. You began.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t get away,” you said, jumping into character.

“I may be 102, but I can still outrun anyone,” a smile played at his lips. You smiled, then let your face fall.

“I’m so sorry, I-I tried to warn you-”

“No, no,” he interjected almost seamlessly, “It’s okay, it’s… refreshing having someone look after me who isn’t my mom.” His eyes flickered between your face and the page. You smiled with him for a second, then let distress cloud your face.

“Jesse… that man came by my house today. He heard the music box, he knows about you-”

“I know he knows…” 

You continued on with the scene and he trailed off when he came to the sheet music for the song Seventeen. You took in a breath to start the dialogue in the middle of the song, but before you could…

“Six years from now you will turn seventeen,

Turn seventeen,

The same age as me,

Six years from now,

Go to the spring,

Go to the spring and drink…”

He was singing to you. He was looking at you and singing to you. His eyes only flickered down to the page to confirm the lyrics. He was nervous, you could tell. But through his hesitance, the emotion in his voice was sincere. Your heart was beating faster. You didn’t even notice your pulse was ringing in your ears, you were too focused on Paxton. 

“I'll wait for you till you turn seventeen,

Turn seventeen,

The same age as me,

Six years from now,

Go to the spring,

Go to the spring and drink…” Your hand rose to cover your mouth. He hesitated, and you remembered your dialogue.

“Uh, wh-what if I… forget where the spring is?” He reached out and took your free hand in his. Your pulse was off the charts. “I’ll go get you some water. Just… remember to keep it somewhere safe. Somewhere no one will find it.” You got the feeling he wasn’t just talking about the water. You knew he had never really been in a serious relationship before, and it clicked suddenly - if he learned an entire song to duet with you, just how much he must like you. You exhaled a breathy laugh, unsure how to process the sudden euphoria you felt. 

“You make the world sound so… exciting. I just want to drink the water right now!”

“Uh, no. You have to wait.” you both smiled, anticipating the upcoming joke.

“Why?” you ask, “What’s the difference?” You held your breath as he tried not to laugh through the delivery of the punchline. 

“Believe me,” he rubbed his thumb over your hand, “there’s a difference.” You both chuckled, and he continued singing. You were so focused on him, so… touched that he would do all this for you. 

“Winnie, wait with me,

And we could be married,

Winnie, wait with me,

And we'll share the world,

Winnie, you can stop time,

And live like this,

Forever…”

“I could live like this forever,” you echoed.

“Live like this...” you sang in tandem.

“What do you say, Winnie? Do you want to…” he broke character suddenly, and asked, his eyes boring into yours, “Do you want to go out some time?” 

He could see the adorable smile blooming on your face, even from behind your hand. You nodded.

“Yes, I-I would love that,” and you began to sing the last line in the song, “Forever-” 

But before you finished holding out the note, his lips were on yours. His mouth moved slowly, intentionally, against yours. You followed his lead, flustered. He leaned further forward, his palm caressing your cheek. It was everything you imagined it would be, and you had quite the imagination. Your head was angled up and your hands rested themselves on his back, one tracing little shapes. Your shoulders were pressed against each other and neither of you could think. He was so warm. He tasted like coconut and passion fruit, and a distant part of your mind silently thanked Eleanor again. 

You really could live like this forever.

#paxton hall yoshida x reader #paxton hall yoshida #never have i ever #nhie #nhie x reader #never have i ever x reader

[thequibblah]

⭐️ would love some commentary on that dancing scene (or really any commentary on the various parties thrown by the marauders) from the party happening next to the Potions Club party ⭐️

WELL WELL WELL

"This is...a lot of trouble to go to." "It's the Marauders. They love trouble."

i love writing party scenes (as i'm sure you all know lol) and one of the best/worst things w the marauders parties is striking a balance between their, uh, audacious plans, and what's realistically possible at hogwarts without getting caught. (aka literally why i made up the dodgy lodgings). i went back and forth so long on whether or not they could plausibly have managed that with slughorn's dinner next door, but then was like ah whatever the party has to happen for plot reasons so.... plot ex machina??

anyway, i love using parties to establish character — what a brilliant stage of teenage performance they provide. i love contrasting the hogwarts parties to, say, evan wronecki's — for instance, how lily and co. are more at ease in the former, as seventh years, with their classmates hosting, than they were at evan's nye bash

i also love that it gives me space to establish who is and isn't popular, so to speak, but also who acts or doesn't act the way we presume popular kids will act

doe, for instance, who is by all accounts a level-headed and non-wild person, has a more exciting time on net at marauders' parties than mary (drinking game, kissing remus), though she's not a big drinker and isn't really into parties. but she's comfortable in her own little social circle at a bigger event (like with michael at evan's) and so isn't bothered at all by the marauders' do, because...

She did, in fact, trust the Marauders. Her general belief in the inherent goodness of people notwithstanding, she didn't think they would do anything to harm their friends. Intentionally.

this bit always makes me laugh

as with many things, i feel very saddened that i didn't get to make more out of the fools' olympics (although one could argue that The Dance was a pro) — as in, i wish i'd been able to squeeze more of it into the story itself. i could probably come up with a list of tasks and who completed them LOL

WAIT OH MY GOD I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS it just might be my favourite part of this chapter

"How did you do that?" Gillian said, glancing between the other two girls. "Just — drink it without a second thought?" "Practice," said Mary. "Scottish — constitution," David said hoarsely. "I once drank some of Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mass Remover," said Priya.

priya is all i aspire to be

can i say, too, it's hilarious to me how many people worried niamh would be a james love interest? i feel like you will not rest easy on that count until he and lily are together... but that is not where the danger lies babes

circling back to popularity/unpopularity, another fun outlier. gillian is first established, in 33, as someone with friends (we see her around sara and in the seventh-year ravenclaws' compartment) but she's not exactly at ease at the party either — recall how she hesitates when mary invites her. only later, in 38, do we realise that our opinion of her has been skewed by the narration (from doe, who naturally assumes any friendly, nice person must have a wealth of friends and be floating through life; and mary, who naturally assumes anyone she isn't bored by must have the social skills of a medieval noblewoman at court), and she's a bit of a pariah in her own house

david, on the other hand, is just flat-out not in his element. and not because of the drinking or the, er, general revelry (see: summer with mary!), even though he doesn't partake much in either. unlike doe, the company breaks rather than makes his enjoyment — he's acutely aware, the whole time, that his cooler, more liked brother is around:

"Not your scene?" "What gave it away?" said David drily. As one they looked at Chris...

...and mary has intuited as much too, even though she has a lot more in common, superficially speaking, with chris than david

so, i think while i was writing this chapter i made a post complaining about how, as much as i love juggling the constraints of historical fiction, i hate that music from the 70s limits me in terms of tracklists. i.e., when i say a certain record is playing i can't just hit shuffle and go somewhere entirely different to set the mood shortly thereafter

this problem was because i wanted, NAY, NEEDED, to have "martha my dear" playing in the aftermath of that mary and david interaction. of course, time passes in that section break, but since "come and get it," which they talk about it, is a sirius song (though it could be a mary song), and i feel too strongly about needle drops to let that conversation go without a soundtrack. germaine even correctly guesses the white album is on because of mary:

Apparently Mary got fonder of the White Album the drunker she was.

...and of course the song itself makes me squeal with how very mary it is — not that it is something she would listen to, necessarily, or identify with (it would hold up too close of a mirror, ha), but it sounds like it could've been written about her ("hold your head up, you silly girl/look what you've done/when you find yourself in the thick of it/help yourself to a bit of what is all around you," which really sums up the entirety of her portree holiday, lol)

BUT! if "martha my dear" is to play here, then i have some Serious Chronology Concerns. i knew germeline had to kiss and jily had to dance and ideally in that order. but what would those scenes be soundtracked by!!!! i was limited to side two of the white album!!!

so i did the healthy thing and panic-listened to the white album. "don't pass me by" was, right away, an easy lock for the dance, because it's danceable, but not in a way that would've scared lily off. lyrically, it feels GREAT for jily in this moment, on the cusp of lily's realisation ("waiting for your knock, dear [...] i don't hear it, does it mean you don't love me anymore?" vs OF COURSE "don't pass me by [...] 'cause you know darling, i love only you"). i feel about "don't pass me by" the same way as NYT critic nik cohn: it's "straight ahead and clumsy and greatly enjoyable, backed by a beautiful hurdy-gurdy organ," which, if that isn't everything i wanted to evoke with the dance itself!!!!!!

ok we'll circle back to this, but onward with the musical discussion

thus i had four songs to choose from, between "martha my dear" and "don't pass me by," for the germeline scene — "piggies," "blackbird," "i'm so tired," and "rocky raccoon." the latter is on my sirius playlist, so auto-no; "piggies" is, well, like that, so also a no. "blackbird" is a certified germaine classic that was written personally by paul mccartney for germaine, but it seemed too introspective for the moment. i don't think i'd ever listened to "i'm so tired" before this panicked searching, and honestly it must be some wild luck that it is. just SO RIGHT!!!! it's so lethargic and tortured and angsty and, well, a bit of a stoner song, so.... it's THERE

AND NOW for the dance! true story, i initially wanted jily to have a real conversation, after the party. i had the dance in there and then james would catch up with lily after to be like, "hey i was wrong actually, you should write to petunia." but then i realised i wanted james and sirius to have a conversation about the bike/money, and i wanted it to strike a different chord, tonally, than the jily conversation. then i realised it would be too much to have both and i'd need to condense that conversation into the dance. VERY nearly cut the dance in favour of the conversation but wow i am glad i didn't

The tinkling piano signalled the start of the next song; she extended a hand, very matter-of-factly, to James, "Come on, this is a good one."

not pictured: james having a fucking breakdown

obviously, i could have gone the route of a genuine dramatic dance, but as previously mentioned lily would have chickened out, and i wanted to have this be an experience she could look back on and pine about because of how fun it was and james totally doesn't like her back

Loath as she was to admit it, this most indelicate of waltzes suited the plodding chords of "Don't Pass Me By." And worst of all, once they had stopped stepping on each other's feet James started to sing, in the poorest possible Ringo imitation she had ever heard in her life.

by the way, attentive readers of blink three times will recall:

He finally starts to lead — thank goodness, because she’s not the one who was forced into formal dance lessons as a child...

so in 36, this is james being drunk, but it is also james being silly on purpose because not only is he JAMES and so he must take the mick, he also knows it will put lily at ease

okay, and this bit:

"Don't pass me by, don't make me cry, don't make me blue," they both shouted rather than sang, "'Cause you know darling—" Lily broke off, laughing, dimly aware that she had done so to avoid saying I love only you while staring right at him.

from the FIRST MOMENT i picked out "don't pass me by," i knew i knew I KNEW that lily would have thoughts about this line. at this point in the story if someone questioned her about it she would probably have a full-scale breakdown about her male friends vs her female friends ("but no... i suppose i wouldn't mind saying it to remus.... but that's different!" how is it different, lily? "it's different!")

anyway, the bottom line is she could NOT abide saying it. i enjoyed writing that because 1. same girl and 2. it felt like a nice bit of close foreshadowing for her realisation, which i knew was coming soon. so that's a really circular way of saying, i knew what it meant but ideally to readers it was just oh this will mean something far-off in the future!!! which is usually true for me but SURPRISE babey it was just two chapters away!!!

note btw that lily "falls for james"

Lily spun faster than she’d intended to. The room was a brief, kaleidoscope blur. Then there was James. “Jesus, Evans,” he said, steadying her as the next track began.

>:)

and after i thought tracklists would fuck me up, i turned them into my WEAPON!!

Huffing, she stepped out of his arms. (There were some songs you could sing along to with your mates, and “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?” was not one of them.)

(so, you know, keep in mind that for the rest of this conversation, paul is in the background howling "no one will be watching us/why don't we do it in the road?")

also:

"...I’m not drinking tonight, but I’d better get the royal treatment after we win on Saturday."

and then what happened <3

wait jesus oh my god i really went hard on this huh

She only saw its result: the easy grin had given way to an expression so serious it was almost sweet.

LILY??????

and hey, remember when:

...because in chapter 26:

Dex’s measured opinions about the wizarding world seemed more the result of upbringing and inexperience than ill will, but Lily had not expected a radical change of heart.

...but then in 36:

He was right, damn it. And a part of her had known all along, had sought him out expressly so that he would say the opposite thing to her. He’d gone and proven her wrong. She broke the staring match first [...] “What brought on the change of heart?” “It’s a long story, and I expect it’ll have an unsatisfying end if I told it to you.” Lily scoffed, but James had on that maddening grin that meant he would not budge. “Oh, all right.” Softer, she added, “Thank you.” He began to back away, towards the bar. “It’s give and take, Evans.”

in conclusion, i never forget, besties

#i literally had to retype this entire fucking response #i hate tumblr #but anyway #be warned i talk about the beatles :/// in here #ask me #anon #director's cuts #36

[sidras-tak]

@imperial-evolution made a Very Good Post about Martin being a fan of the Mechanisms, so I ran with that

Martin mentions when Jon settles in for a meal, that he’s going to clean up the house a little. He says, with a tiny blush, he usually plays music and he might sing along to it

“Is that okay? I don’t want to disrupt your recording time.”

Jon gives him a fond look, one that’s becoming more and more natural as the days pass.

“It’s perfectly fine, Martin. It’s not like anyone but me is going to be listening to these recordings anyway.”

“Right,” Martin says with a little smile. “‘Do Not Archive’, right?”

“Exactly.”

Martin hesitates for a brief moment, then rushes forward and kisses Jon quickly. He’s out of the room before Jon can react.

“Have a good meal,” he says on his way out. Jon takes a moment to compose himself. One should not start reading a statement while grinning. It would be undignified. He settles in with a statement, and even if Martin was yodeling from the hallway, he wouldn’t have been able to hear it over the steady, heady thrum of words flowing through him.

—

Jon finishes the last word and sits back with a satisfied sigh. This statement was full and would sustain him for at least a week. He idly mulls over the details of the statement, when a sound breaks his concentration. A cackle. A highly-recognizable cackle, accompanied by gunfire.

For fuck's sake, Jon takes a second to think, then he’s out of his chair and opening the door to the kitchen.

Martin is standing by the sink, elbows-deep in soapy water. His head is bobbing along to the song and he’s muttering the words under his breath. Jon gets there just in time to hear his own voice say is this her? How do we wake her up?

Loudly, Jon says, “Must you listen to this particular album?”

Martin jumps, whirling around, sending little water droplets flying across the room from his hands.

“Jon!” he exclaims, over the sound of Jon’s college-aged voice proclaiming I’m not gonna kiss a sleeping stranger, Nastya. That’s really fucking creepy.

Jon cringes and hits the stop button on the CD player that’s sitting on the counter.

“Ah,” Martin says, drying his hands on a towel. “You don’t like The Mechanisms? I’ve only got three physical albums with me and two of them are The Mechanisms, sorry…..”

He pauses, frowning. “They’re not that well-known, I’m surprised you recognize the music.”

Jon shakes his head in exasperation. He’s annoyed, but more with this unexpected encounter with his past than Martin. “Yes, I’m aware we’re not well-known, thank you.”

Martin frowns again, but differently. “We?” he echoes, like something terrible is dawning on him.

“Martin,” Jon says slowly. “You do realize…..that Jonny d’Ville…..is me, right?”

“What?” Martin screeches, nearly throwing the towel across the room. He blinks rapidly, like his entire world is resetting.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were in a band!” Martin demands.

“I thought you knew! Tim teased me enough about it, I thought everyone in the Archives knew.”

Weakly, Martin says, “Oh my god. I got your autograph once. I mailed in a CD and  you signed it for me.”

“Really?” Jon asks. Wordlessly, Martin pops open the CD player and hands over the disk for Once Upon a Time in Space. Sure enough, ‘Jonny d’Ville’ is scrawled over the front in black sharpie.

“I can’t believe I’m dating a fan,” Jon says, for lack of a better thing to say. They’ve faced weirder things on a daily basis for years now, but this has shaken him in a way the supernatural never could. It’s not that he’s ashamed of his band, but everyone looks back on their college bands with a little embarrassment, right? Jonny d’Ville was much more dramatic than Jon Sims ever let himself be. To hear himself croon and yell with such abandon feels just a touch mortifying, and even more so to consider that his boyfriend listens to it regularly enough to own physical copies.

Martin slaps a hand over his mouth. “I had two crushes on you,” he says with all the finality of a man admitting his complacency in a fatal crime. “One on Jonny d’Ville and one on my boss.”

Suddenly the ridiculousness of the situation hits Jon and he puts a hand over his mouth to hide his laughter. It doesn’t work, as several giggles and one undignified snort sneak out past his hand.

“My god, Martin, only you,” he says. Martin, blushing hard, grabs the front of Jon’s jumper and tugs it gently.

“If you don’t tease me about crushing on your band-sona, I won’t tease you about the costumes you wore as d’Ville.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know I was quite proud of those costumes! I worked hard on that makeup, too,” Jon says, mock-insulted. He puts his arms around Martin’s waist, drawing them closer together. Martin melts into the embrace, as does Jon. It feels good to laugh with Martin, even at something as silly as this.

“Hey,” Martin says quietly. “Would you sing for me sometime? Not The Mechanisms, if you don’t want, but just anything? I always thought your voice—well, d’Ville’s voice—was beautiful.”

Jon kisses Martin’s cheek, then properly on the lips. When he pulls back, he says, “if you’re lucky, I’ll even play a bit of harmonica for you.”

“Ooh, I knew there was a reason I loved you,” Martin says.

Jon hums a quiet agreement, which then evolves into humming an actual song. The tune resembles the opening to one of the songs from the album Martin had cared about enough to buy and have signed, and eventually, Jon picks up the words, just loud enough for Martin and himself to hear.

Oh, my love, as the canons were a-blazing

I looked to the stars for you my love

Oh my love, as the cities you were razing

I looked to the stars to you, my love

My world was left a-burning and my royal house a-bleeding

I looked to the stars for you, my love….

#sparklepants #the magnus archives #jonmartin #kit writes #tma #post 159 #the mechanisms #do i relate cinder's song to jon? yes i do

[redrosesartcabin]

Self indulgent series Part 2.2 (last part for now)

Life part 2

(And here’s the link to Life part 1: https://redrosesartcabin.tumblr.com/post/643294968092442624/self-indulgent-series-part-21 )

It was two months since they had been in New York City.

Y/n was recording her newest album in her favorite studio in Dublin. She had felt a little strange in the morning but had just brushed it off as being especially hungry after eating had made the strange feeling almost entirely disappear.

But as she was getting into recording the songs, she felt it come back, and this time much, much worse. It converted into illness.

And in the middle of the sentence, she just couldn’t do it anymore; she ran.

“Mrs.Kon”, the producer, Mrs.Long yelled, “where the fuck are you going? You can’t just-“, but she stopped herself as she heard the singer throw up in the toilet.

“Dear god”, she uttered, getting up from her seat as did the other musicians. They had already noticed something had been wrong with Red Rose. She was usually very much into her songs and nothing could break her from that, so her just running out was very concerning.

“Mrs.Kon. Are you ok?”, the producer asked carefully, standing before the stall. She felt bad for having cussed out the singer so quickly.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, y/n answered, slowly getting out of the cabin, “I must have caught some bad bug or something. I should better go… I don’t want to, but I really don’t want to spread whatever I have either”

“That’s probably a good idea. Let’s meet next week then. We’ll talk about when over the phone, I still need to check the schedule”

“Ok. Thank you so much!”

“No problem. Get well soon!”

 That however didn’t happen. Over the next few days y/n continued throwing up in the morning. She also had to go to the toilet much more often, had terrible headaches in the evening and slight back pains. And on top of that she noticed her period had skipped.

Eventually she decided to google the symptoms… and it all lead to one thing. (Not cancer luckily like google usually did!) The first article that popped up was-

“Pregnant?!”, she yelled out to herself.

Could it be?

But after thinking it over there was just no other explanation for the collective of strangely specific symptoms.

Immediately, she got up, went to the pharmacy and bought three different pregnancy tests.

“I want to be sure. This wasn’t planned you know?”, she told the pharmacist who looked a little surprised.

“I hope it wasn’t just a fling”, the pharmacist answered.

“Oh god no! I’ve been together with my husband for eight years and we’ve been married for two and a half. I’m good on that front. We’re however very busy people and-“

“It’ll be fine”, the pharmacist reassured her, “you’ll see. A pregnancy won’t stop you from too many plans I’m sure”

“Yeah… thanks”, y/n smiled back nervously.

“No problem. And good luck!”

 With wide eyes she looked at the three positive tests.

“Christ… I actually… wow”

She loved Kenji and he loved her, but it wasn’t the best timing.

“So what though?!”, she yelled at herself, “then I’ll drive to his set and we’ll talk. But what if he’s disappointed? What if he thinks it’s inconvenient? What if he’ll get so scared- NO, don’t even go there, y/n, how dare you?”, but still she felt nervous.

She almost felt like throwing up again but decided she didn’t vibe with that.

“I have to be strong”, she whispered to herself.

So, she packed her things and drove off.

 “Mr.Kon, your wife is here”, one of the staff members told Kenji as he got ready for the next scene.

“Oh ok”, he answered clearly surprised. He was happy to see her, because of course he’d always be happy to have her near him, yet at the same time he was annoyed she didn’t talk to him about it. He had a tight schedule, and he wouldn’t be able to tend to her as much as he’d like to and as much as she’d deserve, “send her in please”

“I will sir”, the staff member answered and only a couple of seconds later she entered. She was beautiful and radiant as always, yet something about her felt a little off.

“Hello, my darling”, he greeted her and gave her a passionate kiss she only returned shyly “, what are you doing here?”, he asked a little too annoyed. He hadn’t meant to sound like that, but her strange return of affection rubbed him the wrong way together with the fact she hadn’t talked to him about coming.

“Can’t I come surprise visit you without going completely off the rails?!”, she asked unusually aggressive.

“I mean sure; But first of all, I didn’t go off the rails and secondly: the way you act you barely seem like you actually want to”

“Which is partly true”, she answered. For a moment a moment of shocked silence passed before he took a deep breath and asked, very passively aggressive.

“Now, what is that suppose to mean?”, but before she could answer he was called for the scene.

“We’ll talk about this later”, he answered, glaring at her, which she returned with an equally angry stare. Of course, in actuality, they were both pretty hurt by this short yet very heated conversation. He was hurt because she seemed to be angry at him for something and was only here to announce that and she was hurt because she hadn’t meant to be like that.

At first, she pretended she was mad at him and sat down on the stool he had sat on to get ready, almost fuming.

How dare he be annoyed she was here without announcing her presence! But the more she thought about it, the more she recognized she had messed up. She had converted her nervousness and fear into pure ratchetness to appear right in the situation. And the more that became clear, the more she felt tears build up. Her emotions were all over these days. She was an emotional person under normal circumstances, but with her condition it was even worse. When she had seen him after two weeks of not seeing him in person, she had wanted nothing kiss him and spend hours hanging around and whispering sweet nothings. And at the same time, she almost fainted with how nervous she was about this whole thing.

“Gosh I’m a mess”, she whispered and couldn’t hold back the tears.

 Two hours later, Kenji had finished with the scene.

He stretched himself, cracking his neck and shoulders and putting on a serious expression.

He was ready to face whatever she was mad about, even if it hurt him, even if it wasn’t true.

Opening the door with a bit too much force, he felt how worked up he was. But as he saw his wife bawling her eyes out on the couch in the right corner of the room, his facade he had built up to prepare for an argument dropped.

He was confused and concerned. She wasn’t angry? What was wrong? Yet he also asked himself what had her in such distress.

He however didn’t dare to touch her yet.

“Darling?”, he asked softly instead, his right hand hovering over her.

She turned around in a quick motion and threw herself in his arms.

“I’m so so so so so sorry”, she whispered, “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have been like that”

“Hey, hey”, he answered, wrapping his arms around her protectively, “It’s ok. Just tell me what I did wrong”,

“That’s the thing: You did nothing wrong.”

“Then why were you so angry at me?”, he asked, genuinely confused

“I’m not angry at you: I’m scared”, she explained, barely able to say it.

“Why? Have you done something wrong?”, he asked

“No… or well a little maybe… I don’t know. It depends”

“Depends?”

“On if you will be ok with it”

“With what? For Christ’s sake y/n, talk to me” he said, frustrated at the guessing game.

She stepped back, looking at him and wearing a sad smile.

She opened her mouth slightly, but not a word came over her lips. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and finally she spoke, “I’m pregnant, Kenji”

Deafening silence filled the room. Kenjis mouth and eyes were wide open in shock and surprise and for a while, he himself felt he was at a loss for words or even thought as he heard his heart hammer in his chest.

 “By me, right?”, he asked after a couple of minutes.

“Yes, by you! Geez … You seriously chose that as your answer?”, she retorted, disappointed at the reaction.

“Of course: Why else would you think I’d be angry at you for being god damn pregnant?”, he asked his voice loud and unusually squeaky

“I was scared you’d maybe find it inconvenient and-“

“Y/n! I told you a thousand times not too overthink too much!”, he scolded her, but with a smile that indicated it was meant in a fun and good-hearted spirit, “I love you. You are my everything. You and especially not a life we created together could ever be an inconvenience. I love you and even if we were still too young, or too poor or at war, I’d be happy.”

She started crying again, but this time of happiness.

“Gosh I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have doubted you again… I should really stop overthinking. I love you so much”, she answered and gave him a salty kiss he still gladly accepted.

 After a couple of months (after the mark where it was sure the baby would live and a miscarriage was unlikely), Kenji and y/n announced the pregnancy publicly which was received with a lot of well wishes and happiness by the fans as well as the family.

Plus, Kenji announced he’d take a break from participating in acting roles for the last three months of Red Roses pregnancy as well as the first six months of the baby’s life.

‘I want to be there for my wife in the hardest times of the pregnancy and the beginning of our childs life to help her and me adjust to the life of a parent as well as bonding as a father’ which was also very much supported by most, though some thought it was stupid since income was needed with the expenses that came with having a child. Kenji however assured those that Red Rose, and him, had earned more than enough to live comfortably even with him not being active or as active as an actor for a little less than a year.

 “So, you didn’t have the stomach flu back then?”, Mrs. Long had asked, amused as Red Rose had returned for the last recording session before the would go into maternity leave.

“Nope. Definitely not that”, y/n laughed as she carefully petted her now slightly, yet clearly rounded belly

 Six months in, it was figured out they would be having a daughter. Kenji Kon and Red Rose however decided not to reveal the name until she was born.

“That’s bad luck where I’m from!”, Red had explained to her fans.

 After that doctors visit Kenji had come home permanently for the time being. He had officially gone into “parenting vacations”, so to speak.

Y/n was happy he was going to be home for so long. She respected his work a lot and was fine with being alone for long periods of time, she had become tired of it real quick though as she advanced in her pregnancy with their daughter. Partly because moving around and about became more exhausting the more her belly grew, and she just felt she needed his support… but mostly because she was extremely hormonal. She missed him a lot more than usual…

 It was a picturesque morning as y/n woke up by little kicks inside of her stomach.

‘She always does this’ she thought a little annoyed yet endeared. She loved feeling her daughter like that. It assured her again and again that she was alive and healthy.

“Good morning little one”, she whispered, knowing it was early and Kenji probably wasn’t awake yet, he was a long sleeper…

Kenji…. Kenji… thinking about him made her feel all giddy inside. She carefully turned around to face him (she found she was more faced away from him these days since she was very conscious of her belly not getting in the way of him being able to move around. He was a very active mover in his sleep, just like his unborn daughter).

He looked so peaceful as he gently breathed through his strong looking yet pointy nose. His hair looked perfect, as always. Only a couple of strands hung loosely from the top and low onto his forehand, which she honestly loved, because it made him look so… himself. He wasn’t all charming, not all dolled up and prepared to look perfect every second of the day. He was himself. Kenji and nobody else. Just like he was with her, but maybe even more relaxed. His lips were slightly open, though he wasn’t drooling this time. She had to hold back a giggle as she remembered several times where he woke up embarrassed and in denial.

“That’s just a humidity spot from the sweat we produce whilst sleeping” he had said with a childish pout and she had simply laughed.

She didn’t care, she loved him all the more for his faults even though he tried to deny them oftentimes.

Gosh… she loved him so much it almost hurt.

  “Good morning, love”, Kenji heard his wife’s sweet voice as he slowly awoke.

“Good morning?”, he asked, his voice still a bit groggy. As he opened his eyes, his gaze immediately fell upon his wife.

She stood there, her blond hair shining y/h.c in late morning sunlight. Her pregnant form was in a comfortable looking, but still form hugging black dress, her lips were painted red and her eyes were framed in her iconic winged eyeliner.

She looked stunning.

Merit came forward slowly and put a tray that had some pancakes stacked on it, some orange juice and a cup of coffee on his lab.

“I woke up early and thought why not make you a nice bed-breakfast for my wonderful husband?”, she explained even though he didn’t ask, though he also couldn’t deny that he hadn’t wondered about that. He smiled in gratitude.

“Thank you, beautiful, I appreciate it”, he said, giving her a quick, but passionate kiss before digging in.

 “I’ll go shopping-“, she started, but was immediately interrupted by a coughing Kenji, who in is hurry to stop her from going almost choked on the piece of pancake he had been chewing.

“No wait! I’ll go after breakfast. You’ve already been so kind to make this for me, you should really take it slow”

She giggled at that.

“I’m not that fragile darling. I’ve been shopping on my own last week when you were still at the shooting too.”

“All the more reason I should help you out now!”, he exclaimed. She swooned how adorable he was acting.

“Thank you darling”

“Anything for you”

“I’ll go sit in the garden for a bit then”, she said, trying to hide her blush. This had been one of these cheesy conversations that just made her head spin.

What a life.

 (Warning: It’s getting a bit less Pg here, but I still wanted to keep this scene)

 “WHY THE HECK DID I EVER ALLOW A D*CK TO ENTER ME!”, y/n screamed.

Labor was painful.

This was worse than anything she had ever felt.

It was the 16th of November 2028.

A week after what the doctors would predict was the birth, so pretty on time. Everything also seemed to go very well.

But still birthing was so painful.

She hated being alive right now.

She hated being a woman, which she honestly never had: Her periods were very kind to her, and she had never been disadvantaged in her life because of that… except right now.

And oh she LOATHED having been seduced by this mother*cker: Her husband.

That beautiful, charming man.

The devil himself in his holy form, impregnated her to make her suffer.

“I WILL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN I SWEAR”, she screamed.

One of the nurses couldn’t hold back a snicker and thought, and luckily could refrain from saying out loud ‘that’s what they all say. And in two years they’re back with a new baby’

And of course, the nurse was right. And of course, y/n knew deep down she’d forget the pain later and have sex three weeks later, if not earlier.

Though not right now. Oh no, right now she’ll scream and blame him for her pain whilst crushing his hand.

The doctors had explained Kenji beforehand that y/n will be quite distressed, so he had been mentally prepared to be cussed out.

Though wow did he feel bad right now. And not because of the fact he thought his fingers would break any second.

 Twelve hours later it was finally done: Their daughter was born.

Their red headed flame of joy: Tove Kon.

And as expected: When y/n got to lay her eyes on her, she immediately forgot the pain, because whatever she had just gone through brought this little angel to earth. An angel she had made with the man she had loved for over twelve years.

And Kenji… oh Kenji fell in love with a second girl. This, he said to himself, is the second love of his life. He’d do anything for her. He’d be there as much as she could. He wouldn’t become like his father.

“Are you ok love?”, y/n asked him concerned as he was laying, next to her, caressing their daughters little head. At first, he was surprised at that question but then noticed tears running down his cheeks.

“I just… I love her so much, but I’m afraid I’ll become like my father and I don’t want to. I want to love her and give all I can of myself”

Y/N smiled brightly at that. This man truly was so full of devotion and kindness.

“You won’t become him. You couldn’t: Because you love us too much. And that kind of love can’t be broken. You are you, not him. And if you even so much as stray a centimeter away I’ll make sure you stay, ok? I’ll take care of us and I know you will too”

“Thank you. I love you”

“As I love you”

(I’m so sorry, this stuff is so cheesy xD But I hope you liked it anyways. I really wanted to share this with you, just because I know that I’m pretty much the only one who writes Kenji x reader stuff and I spent so much time on this.

Also: If you are interested in the unedited, less Pg version, lemme know. Also don’t worry: They are either both underage or both adults in these scenes, so nothing to worry about)

#kenji camp cretaceous #kenji #kenji kon #kenji x reader #kenji kon x reader #jw cc #jurassic world camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous #camp cretaceous fanfiction #self indulgent #self indulgent af

[thorne93]

The Stars Made Us (Part 18)

Prompt: In this world, you’re one of the “lucky” ones who got a soulmate, but what if the universe gives you more than you bargained for?

(Prompt challenge – You live in a world where your soulmate can write on their skin and you will get the writing on your own and vice versa. Where they can wash away the ink on their own skin, however, the writing is forever scarred onto your skin until you meet face to face)

Word Count: 1939

Warnings: angst and language throughout, mention of suicide

Notes: This was supposed to be for @sorryimacrapwriter​​​​  and their challenge like a year ago, I think? I still loved the prompt though and have been working on this story for quite some time. This aesthetic was made by @quailliamfears thank you so much! Beta’d by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​​​​, couldn’t have done it without you, as well as @carryonmyswansong​​​​ and @arrow-guy​​​​ and @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​​​

Also, I’ve never really liked the whole soulmate AU thing idea, but this felt so right and it was amazing to write. I hope y’all love it too!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you arrived at Stephen’s place, you helped him through his morning routine before stating, “If I’m going to stay here nearly all day, I’ll need to get some work done. Is that alright with you?”

“Oh, please, by all means, don’t let me get in the way of your pseudoscience,” he said, making a gesture of moving out of the way. “You can use my office.” 

You rolled your eyes and grabbed your suitcase full of things. “Thanks.” You went in there and made a small work space and began calling patients, trying to schedule them for therapy in the city. You could use another space nearby to start seeing them, depending on how long you would be here. 

When you took a break, you made lunch for you and Stephen. 

“New song today,” you said as you turned on the music, skipping to a random song in your library. 

“You make this so easy,” he boasted before nailing the artist, album name, and release year. 

“I will get you, one day,” you vowed with a grin. 

You went back to your office after the two of you ate, and talked quickly of current events in the news. While you were on the phone with one of your more unstable, and new patients, you had to calm him down. 

“Randy, Randy, take a deep breath for me. There’s nothing we can’t figure out,” you coaxed on the phone, standing up and pacing. 

“You’re two hours away! My father has cancer and I--” He started to sob and you continued to pace. 

“I know. This puts you in a very difficult position.” 

“No, no it doesn’t. It makes everything clearer. I can’t be here.” 

“Be where? Randy, where are you?” 

“It doesn’t matter. You don’t care. No one fucking cares!” he cried out. 

“Yes they do,” you insisted, your heart hammering in your chest. “I do.”

“You’re paid to!”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care. Randy, tell me where you are. When did you find out your father had cancer?” 

“A few hours ago,” he said. 

“So where are you now?” 

“I’m not going to tell you anything. This is all too much. I just lost my mom a year ago, and now my dad… He might be an abusive son of a bitch, but he’s all I’ve got.” 

You took a deep breath, trying to think of what to say. 

“Randy, are you in danger of hurting yourself or anyone else?” 

He paused, silent a long time before saying, “Just me.” He began crying again. 

You began searching for his address on your laptop from the forms he’d filled out. You marched out of the temporary office and over to Stephen who was sitting on his couch, reading. “Randy, why do you want to hurt yourself?” you asked, making Stephen look up at you. You grabbed a pen and paper and scribbled a message that said to do a welfare check on Randy Smith, with his address. 

“Because I don’t have any body.”

“You told me you have some cousins, how would they feel if you ended your life?” 

“They wouldn’t even know. If they did find out they’d just say, ‘that’s a shame.’.”

You shoved the paper at Stephen with the instructions on it. He nodded and got up, grabbing his phone and going into his bedroom. 

“No friends? Girlfriend? Coworkers? Randy, everyone has something to live for. People aren’t the only thing that make a life go round. You told me you’re a computer programmer, yeah? What do you want to do with that?” 

“Well, I work for a medical software company.” 

“Is that your dream job?” 

“Not really. I mean, I love the programming, but it’s not all I want to do.”

“Tell me about what you do want to do.” 

“I want to program planes, for the military.” 

“See? That’s a noble cause. It’ll help your country. Randy, if you end your life now, that’s your choice, but you won’t get the chance to tell your father what he has done to you. You won’t get the chance to talk with me, to work through problems I know you can work through. You sought me out for help, please, let me help. Don’t miss this opportunity to take control of your life, and make it what you want to be.” 

Stephen walked back in the room and he said, “They went to the house, there was no one there.” 

“Randy?” you said again. “Randy, please, don’t make a mistake based on how you’re feeling right now in this moment. We know that all feelings pass, and you may be in the dark right now, I know you might be very far in there, in a pit you feel like you can’t climb out of. But that’s why you hired me, isn’t it? This cancer situation with your father is just that, it’s a situation we need to navigate together. I’ll help you every step of the way. You just need to tell me where you are and we can begin therapy as soon as you'd like.” 

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally said, “I’m in the parking garage… Oh, god, Dr. Y/L/N, please help me.” 

You held in your sigh of relief and replied, “I will, Randy, I will. I’ll be right there.” You hung up and called the police, telling them where he was. 

“I’m so sorry, Stephen, but I have to go,” you said hurriedly. 

He merely nodded as you grabbed your purse and ran out the door. 

Once the crisis was averted, you got him checked into the hospital, and you talked with him for a bit. Once he felt safe and secure, you left him in the capable hands of the hospital. You came back to the apartment, drained. 

“That was, uh, impressive,” Stephen noted. “Guess it’s more than just a pseudo science.”

“Guess so,” you responded tiredly. 

“So what made you decide to do this work?” he asked.

You scoffed. “Oh, so now you’re suddenly interested?” 

“Now that I saw you save a man’s life over the phone? Yes, I am. I’m very impressed. I can only save lives with my own hand. You did it with nothing but your own words, your own voice.” 

“I suppose I did. Well, if you must know, I simply want to help people. I love making sure people are okay and knowing I had a hand in that.”

“That’s rather noble.” 

You laughed. “That’s what Charles said when I told him when we first started corresponding.” 

“It’s true though.”

“So how about you? Saving lives, that’s quite noble. Is that why you do what you do?”

He laughed now. “Far from it. I just love the thrill.” 

You nodded slowly. “Ah, yes, people love holding other people’s lives in their hands for the thrill of it. I would say correct me if I’m wrong, but I know I’m not, and the only people who do that are those with antisocial personality disorder. You don’t strike me as the type, despite your best efforts.” 

Stephen smiled widely at this. “Touche. Uh, if you really want to know. I had a tragedy happen when I was younger. The thing you said when we first met, about losing someone close, someone family… you were right. Long story short, I wanted to save lives. That’s all I want to say on it.”

You pressed your lips together before nodding and saying, “Thank you, for sharing with me. I bet that was hard.”

“Don’t use your psychiatrist voice on me. I don’t need to be pitied or patronized.” 

“I’m not. I’m simply being sympathetic. I truly believed you went through something hard and I appreciate you telling me. Opening up to me is a great honor, I feel.” 

He semi-rolled his eyes. You realized you needed to take a different approach here. Stephen didn’t like talking about his past, in regards to his family. But Christine made it clear that he was arrogant, so maybe you should talk about his achievements. 

“Christine told me you were driving to a convention when your crash happened, to speak at a conference.” 

“Yes, I was.”

“Do you enjoy it? Speaking, that is, about your work?” 

“I do, I love it actually. Have you ever done it?” 

You shrugged slightly. “I’ve done it a handful of times but she said you did it often and were very good at it.”

“I’d like to say so, but she said she didn’t ever enjoy it.” 

“That’s too bad. I wish I could’ve been your date,” you admitted. “You seem like you’d actually have fun at those things.”

“I did. I wish I could still do it.” 

“You will, one day, I know it.” You grinned at him and the two of you ordered take-out. 

------------------------

Things turned south for Stephen though. He couldn’t afford the high price of his Manhattan penthouse without his job. He’d burned through all of his money trying to chase every cure. When he finally realized this, he went nuts.

“I’m losing my home!” he shouted as he ran around his room in a robe, looking like a mad man.

“It’s just an apartment, Stephen. We can find you a new one.”

“Oh, yes, because you have so much free time.”

“I do. I came here to help you, didn’t I?” you challenged. 

“I don’t need you to be a realtor.”

“Why not? You’ve made me a nurse, a cook, a maid. It’s clear you don’t want me as a soulmate, and friend is still even up for debate. Why not just make me your realtor?” 

“You’ve never lost anything, have you? Otherwise you wouldn’t be so heartless about this.”

You stopped, staring at him. “I’ve lost something before. I’m not being heartless, Stephen. I’m being realistic. You spent all of your money. You aren’t making any more. You have to move out of a place you can no longer afford. You’re always raving about logic and statistics and things you can see, well look at the statistics if you keep trying to live here.” 

“This is everything I’ve worked for.”

“No, it’s not. It’s a side effect of what you can do. There is more to life than just your work. You dedicated yourself like this once before, you can do it again. You didn’t work for a fancy palace in a shining city. You worked to be the best god damn neurosurgeon you can be and it paid off and it got you this. But you don’t have this any more. You don't have the means. I know it hurts, I know it sucks. But crying about it, getting pissed off about it, isn’t going to change the fact that your hands are beyond repair.”

He looked at you as if he hated you and your nerves just steeled. You couldn’t waiver from him, from this, not now. Not when he needed you most. 

“I’m here to help you. So help me help you, before you end up on the streets. Alright?” 

He sat down on his bed, his head in his hands. You were standing on the opposite side of the bed before you got on it and crawled over, putting your hands on his shoulders and resting your cheek against his back. 

“We will figure this out. Okay?” 

A long silence passed before he said, “I never wanted to end up like this.” 

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” You kissed his robe clad shoulder. “We’ll get you another apartment, another job. You’re still a doctor. It’s not the end of the world.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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TSMU

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@halfofwhatisayismeaningless​​

#the stars made us #charles xavier #charles xavier x reader #charles xavier fic #stephen strange #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange fic

[dreamsister81]

"If  you listen to the lyrics of Hallelujah closely, you  notice  it’s a  song  about  sex,  about  love,  about life on Earth. The hallelujah isn’t a tribute to a worshipped person, an idol or a god, but it’s the hallelujah of orgasm. It’s an ode to life and to love."-OOR, August, 1994

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Why did you cover a Leonard Cohen song?

Because I find myself in Hallelujah, not because of Cohen.-Knust interview, September 13, 1994

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“Any of the covers on the album are there because they mean a certain thing in my life that I love and I miss. One day I was house-sitting for a friend and she left her whiskey out and I got into it and hit this horrible sorrowful jag. I went to the gig-Sin-É, in fact-weeping like a fucking animal. The whole time. I sang ‘Hallelujah’ that night and I got through the show just on the edge of tears. I don’t know why. It just wells up inside you."-Hot Press, October 5, 1994

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And this version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah", does he know the John Cale version? "Well, actually, I'm playing John Cale's version, that's where I got it from, from that record "I'm Your Fan" that I listened to at a friend's house. I also know Leonard's original, but he doesn't sing every verse, the way John interprets it is so...simple."-Rock & Folk, October, 1994

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" 'Hallelujah' for example I learned in New York from John Cale after a year working at Sin-é on a day when I found myself crying like a baby and that song expressed exactly what I was feeling. A title like 'Hallelujah' makes one think of the church, of morality and instead there is a deep humanity inside, there is the idea of making love, losing love, being crucified. Leonard wrote ten verses for that song and I don't know why he didn't sing them all, I just chose the ones I felt were most mine. He has this extraordinary ability to grasp the fundamental element of a certain situation and to "steal" it, make it his own and build the text around it."-Rockerilla, October, 1994

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The artists you've covered so far are Van Morrison, Leonard Cohen, Alex Chilton, they're connected on a certain line. It's kind of cult people or like that. Do you select those songs consciously?

It doesn't matter who's song it is. I did it because each moment in my life matched the song so well. For example, Leonard's "Hallelujah." One day, I was intoxicated with so much sadness, I was totally wasted after drinking whiskey and practicing this song. Right after that, I went into the gig as I was, and I was screaming like an animal. I'm singing that song with those experiences in mind. I have to be myself before the song exists.-Rockin'on October 1994

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"Hallelujah, I was just housesitting for a friend, watching her cats while she was away and I got into her whiskey and got into her record collection and there was there was John Cale's version of Hallelujah on I'm Your Fan. And I'm not...there are Leonard Cohen enthusiasts...it's not because of Leonard that I did the song, it's simply because of the song and because of the verses. I'm just in there somewhere. I have no blood bound allegiance to Leonard, although i have an incredible admiration and real great love of his work you know? There's a difference between somebody who's a total Tom Waits freak and just somebody who just likes to listen to them, and you know, the Tom Waits freak will know everything: the demos, the back in the days when he used to sound like Billy Joel, blah, blah, blah...hear the European demos, well, he didn't used to, but back when he was a bit smoother. You know, just knows everything. And I don't know everything about Leonard Cohen, and I haven't read Beautiful Losers, and I haven't done that, but it was just a great song."-WBCN's "Nocturnal Emissions", October 23, 1994 in Boston, Massachusetts

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" 'Hallelujah' I didn't do it because it's by Leonard Cohen, but because I like the song. Based on that it was done for all the songs, including mine. The version that inspired me is a John Cale version with all ten verses, unlike the way it appears on Various Positions. The night I first proposed it at Sin-é was a special night, I had also been a bit of a jerk. You see, the word Hallelujah has its own definite sign, you connect it to the church. Instead, for me it is a word that celebrates something very human, it speaks of a deep connection between pain and the human condition. That word has nothing to do with being nailed to a cross: there's when you're hurting, but there's also when you're making love, when you're losing it."-Buscadero, November, 1994

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"The fact that I did Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah doesn't mean anything, Cohen is something you discover when you're discovering life, you don't get there when you're very young."-Rumore, November, 1994

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"Finally, Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah not for the meaning of religious purity that anyone can see, but for more earthly reasons: pain, sex, orgasm and the cruelty of everyday life. I believe in people, not in heaven. Without people God would not exist, he would not make sense."-Tutto, February, 1995

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I wanted to ask you about your version of "Hallelujah". I guess its based more on John Cale's version than Leonard Cohen's original?

Yeah. But I heard the one on (Cohen's album) Various Positions first. Then I was stuck in a room with that I'm Your Fan CD (a Cohen tribute album) and I listened to (Cale's version) and it was, again, very simple. Then I heard that version one time again in Tower Records, and I was just struck. There and then, I thought, "This is wonderful ."

But am I right in thinking you don't really rate your version, compared with Cale's?

Well, he's a man. Mine's too fast. I know the difference between myself in a totally empty situation-which is best, where anything can happen-and in a situation where something's expected. And I don't feel very good about that day, and the time I chose that song to be included on the record, it was between that version and another version that I really despised. All in all, there must 22 versions floating out there. It's just never the right time. It seems that the only right time is when I'm telling it to people. And I guarantee, I have mashed that version into the ground nightly on tour, just creamed it. And there's also a version on the master reel for "So Real" that, because I was so wiped out and exhausted after that day-we'd recorded "So Real" and I recorded one last "Hallelujah", and that was my best one-I just forgot about that "So Real", I was so tired. So it's just hanging around out there. C'est la vie. Part of making records is letting stuff go.-February 28, 1995 interview, published in Uncut, September, 2004

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 I tell him that Bono loves Grace and says that Buckley's cover of Cohen's Hallelujah is better than his own. (Buckley plays John Cale's slightly altered version of the song from the I'm Your Fan tribute album to Cohen.) Buckley slumps back in his chair, as he does when on the defensive, and curls his lip in a manner that accentuates his resemblance to Matt Dillon. "I don't think I did that right," he sighs, passing over the compliment without comment. "I hope Leonard doesn't hear it. The way I do it live is better. I did it all live in the studio, there's no overdubs at all, but I pop it in unexpectedly in the show and it works better. The way I did it sounded more like a child and sometimes I've sung it more like a man."-Mojo, March, 1995

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"It's a hymn to being alive. It's a hymn to love lost. To love. Even the pain of existence, which ties you to being human, should receive an amen-or a hallelujah."-Schwann Spectrum, Spring 1995

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"I found myself in that song and I performed it many times in solo shows. But I'd be neglecting something if I didn't say that I learned it from John Cale. John Cale was the one that brought it to recording first, on the tribute album I'm Your Fan and he used these lyrics, these verses, for the song that didn't appear on Various Positions, which was the first album that Hallelujah appeared upon. I was house-sitting for my friend Susan and she had some whiskey...I don't know, I just hit a big, really bad sorrow jag and put on the song, and it was so simple the way John sang it that the words went through me, and I learned the words that night, played it that night at my gig at Sin-e...I don't know, it just stayed with me ever since. I wasn't gonna put it on the album at first 'cause I didn't write it and it would be kinda cheesy but I thought better after a couple suggestions from a friend of mine, and I did. Unfortunately, I think people will ask for it until the day I'm grey and old and fat, which I don't like, so I'll have to write something better, and I will."-Sony promo interview

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"He has a unique talent for making everyday life poetic and surreal-the most difficult way to write. However, on Hallelujah, I much prefer the lyrics rewritten by John Cale for the I'm Your Fan compilation. It is this version that I have taken up, not Cohen's version."-Les Inrockuptibles, July, 1995

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"That's not a hallelujah of chasteness and piety," Buckley explains. "It's more menstrual. It has more to do with the hallelujah of orgasam, of pain, of joy, of flesh, of being tied to the earth. Not of invisible angels in heaven who may or may not come down to tell you how good or bad you are, or Santa Claus."-Sydney Morning Herald, August 25, 1995

#jeff buckley #hallelujah #mylove #supremebeing #favorite #music #behind the song #it's NOT a bloody Christmas song folks #or meant for a church or kids #please and thank you

[bisluthq]

That’s like the third time the “Taylor is not inherently cool” discourse has come up in the span of a few weeks, and honestly that’s like the most evident thing about Taylor, and I genuinely (no shade, here, I promise) don’t understand how someone can miss that.

Like, Lorde and Taylor were the same age when the former was writing Pure Heroine and the latter was writing “of all the girls tossing rocks at your window/I’ll be the one waiting there even when it’s cold”. She’s not a cool girl, wbk.

You can watch her interviews, listen to her music, observe her mannerism, analyze her behaviors in the various “eras”... there are thousands of details that prove that Taylor is anything but effortlessly cool.

Back in 2014 she even explicitly said “I've never ever felt edgy, cool, or sexy”, even though pretty much everyone else thought she was cool as hell.

That’s why so many people made fun of the rep era: because they thought that she wasn’t cool enough to pull that off, and it came off as cringey. And as much as I don’t agree with that (but I’m also a lesbian whose ideal of perfection is Taylor’s rep era thighs, therefore I’m biased), I can understand why they would think that.

And this is also why Lover (Taylor’s first album where I really believe that she did whatever the fuck she wanted from start to end) is so quirky, uncool and messy: because that’s the way Taylor is. Like she inserted that “I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you” line in her “wedding song”. Who does that? Your perfect love song is supposed to be about positive feelings, who writes a line about having troubles dealing with jealousy in their big love anthem? That’s such an “uncool” (in a positive way), move. And then she used “baby boy” unironically, she said “god, I love the English” unironically (yeah, it’s a cheeky line but we know she means it), she wrote about stalking someone on the internet...

And I’ll forever argue that “you’re the one that I want [...] in dirty dreams” and then “you’re the one that I want [...] in all our dreams” is like the most “Taylor Swift” lyric ever: it’s quirky, it’s weird and it’s romantic, which are like her three main “secondary” characteristics.

Plus add the fact that she feels stuck at the age when she got famous and you have the perfect recipe for someone who is weird, there’s not tiptoeing around it

I love all of this about her tho and you’re so right.

I think the reason a lot of people act surprised about how uncool she is on here is they’re coming via Kaydom where she is falsely portrayed the coolest, most manipulative, most fucking princessy person and everything she does is part of her brilliant facade to mask her entanglement with a supermodel.

Like they were taught that the line “I’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you” “can’t” be about Joe because he’s not hot or sexy enough. Meanwhile it’s her admitting that even when she’s fucking in love with him and he’s like the first person she has dated who reciprocates her feelings fully she is still insecure. She still worries he’ll want someone else more than her. Like that’s the brilliance of the line. She’s saying “I love you so much but I still don’t know if I’m good enough.” Or how they were told “our friends crash in the living room” must be the cool VS models because what “our friends” do Swiftwyn have? Not understanding she’s reveling in the fact that for the first time in her life she has properly merged friend groups with someone she’s dating and if they party these people can pass out in their home.

So like a lot of the ways they prove Kaylor takes on the love songs is by saying it’d be uncool for it to be Joe and cooler for it to be about supermodel Karlie Kloss not realizing that’s precisely the point.

Delicate is another great one for it - like she knows she’s too much and she’s gonna freak him tf out but he’s still fucking there and it’s scary but also so comforting for her because he’s... in her head and just getting her and not scared off by her intensity or her fame like he doesn’t care about the latter he just likes her and it shocks her.

#nat talks Swiftwyn

[probably-writing-x]

Re-centre

Tom Holland x Reader

Not my gif

My requests are open if you have any ideas <3

“Come on Tom don’t be ridiculous!” You match his volume, “I had every right to be annoyed. We’d planned this thing for weeks!”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, (Y/n)!” He continues to defend, “I’ve had a busy schedule with everything going on and it just slipped my mind. I can’t change that.”

“I reminded you that morning!” You point out, “And it’s not like you were doing something you couldn’t get out of. Drinks with the boys? You can do that anytime!”

The derivative of this argument had stemmed from Tom missing an important evening you were supposed to be attending for your business. He knew you’d been terrified about it for weeks and you’d been prepping to meet all of these important business figures since you’d first been invited. You wanted him by your side. Instead, he’d supposedly forgotten and gone out with the boys for drinks instead. Sure, he had been busy recently. He’d been doing a bunch of press for Onward and had only recently finished up with Cherry, whilst also juggling a few new projects that seemed to be in the pipeline. But you’d asked for one night. And you didn’t expect that to be so hard for him.

In fact, the two of you had been arguing a lot recently. Ever since you’d moved into this flat together, you’d been at it like an old married couple. You hadn’t done the dishes? Argument. He’d forgotten to get the groceries you’d asked for? Argument. You came back late from work and hardly saw him? Argument. Day after day, the blissful couple managed to sink further and further into the stage they never wanted to get to.

“Really? Because on top of work, and travelling and everything, I hardly get to see them anymore,” He comments, running a hand through his hair, “I just thought I’d have one night to enjoy myself.”

“I wanted you to be there Tom,” You sigh, “I was terrified. Do you know how humiliating it is to be talking to investors and have them question why the seat beside me was empty at dinner?”

He swallows and you watch as his Adam’s Apple bobs prominently, “It wouldn’t have made a difference to their opinion of you if I was there or not.”

You scoff, “Right, Tom,” You fold your arms like you’re closing him off from you, “But it would’ve made a difference to me. I wanted my boyfriend to be there to support me. But I guess not.”

That silences him. All of his arguments to defend himself seem to fall flat.

“You have to be at the studio for interviews in an hour, you should probably leave now,” You comment coldly, hardly glancing up from the floorboards as you speak, “I’ll see you later.”

He doesn’t have it in him to find the right words to respond with. Instead, he watches you walk into the room that you shared in this apartment before he finally drops his hope and packs up his things to leave. As he left, all he could think about was how much he’d held you in that room. How many times had the two of you shared a bed? Without him falling asleep on the sofa, or in a hotel halfway across the world. Without an argument meaning you turned your backs to each other after a hasty good night. All he could think of was wrapping his arms around you tightly and promising you that you’d wake up with them still tight around your torso. He’d give you a morning kiss and ask to stay with you like that forever, until life dragged you to your separate callings.

- - - - - -

He’s already been asked if he’s okay four times since he got here - all by different people. They all said that he didn’t seem like himself but he’d dismissed it as fatigue quickly. Chris seemed the most concerned as they both got their microphones connected for the interviews.

“You good, buddy?” Chris frowns, watching Tom like he was a brother to him whilst Tom blanks out.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tom nods encouragingly, trying to force himself back to normal.

“You know we don’t have to go ahead if you’re not comfortable,” Chris points out, “I’ll do them alone if you-“

“Honestly man, I’m good, let’s go,” Tom shakes it off, heading out through to the first interview of the day.

These days were always pretty long - interview after interview that always seemed to hold similar questions or set ups. But you always managed to brighten them. You’d send him a text to check he’d got there okay, or you’d sent him a voice note to update him on your day so far. Especially recently as the two of you had moved into your apartment. His phone would normally be buzzing a thousand times as you sent him different photos of cute furniture that you’d managed to find. Today, he hadn’t heard anything.

He knew he was in the wrong about this whole situation with you. You were completely right to want him to be there with you. You’d always done the same for him - press events, charity nights, premieres. You’d been by his side for all of his major moments. And he’d managed to slip up on the one night where it mattered. He knew that this would matter more to you than if he’d missed your birthday, an anniversary, even a meal with your family. Your career? That was always a big thing for you, and so was having Tom there to support. So yeah, he’d fucked up. And he’d made things worse by being too proud to admit it.

“And what about you Tom?” The interviewer continues, focusing his attention on the boy that was hardly in the room.

“Oh, I’m sorry, could you repeat the question?”

- - - - - -

“Man, what’s with you today?” Chris frowns, “I don’t wanna be rude but you’re really not with it today.”

Tom sighs and rubs a hand over his face, “Just been a bit of a long day.”

“Well, we’ve got three left,” Chris encourages, “I’ll be my wonderful self and you can sit back and look pretty.”

Tom tries to laugh but it falls flat against the weight on his chest. He wanted to be home. He wanted to find a thousand ways of making this up to you so he could tell you once and for all that he would change and that he was wrong. Every passing moment increased his fears that, this time, he’d be too late.

“Alright so, a lot of fans sent in questions for this interview,” The woman explains, Tom hadn’t been alert enough to catch her name, “Chris, what was your favourite thing about working on this film?”

Chris chats away naturally going through his answer, making some sort of joke that Tom forces a laugh at.

“And Tom, a lot of questions came in for you,” The interviewer smiles, “How have things been for you and (Y/n) now that you guys have moved in together?”

His eyes fall at the mention of your name, trying his best to muster any composure he can find before he looks back up, “Um,” He stops.

It felt like everyone’s eyes were on him. The useless boyfriend acting as though everything had to be fine.

“Things are going great, thank you,” He tries to readjust in his chair and smile, “We’re settling in well.”

“And she’s been very busy with her business recently,” The interviewer persists relentlessly, “You guys must be so busy! How has that worked?”

Tom feels himself fight against the quivering of his bottom lip, “I’m sorry, excuse me.”

“Tom?” Chris speaks up, frowning at the sudden change in demeanour.

“I have to go,” Tom stumbles quickly, “I’m so sorry.”

The interviewer seems practically dumbfounded.

“I’m sorry, excuse me,” Tom tries to de-tangle himself from the microphone and step through the maze of cameras and crew around them.

His assistant watches on in horror - this would be a hard one to explain!

But Tom would deal with all of that later. He gets himself out of the room with rapid breathing as he starts hurrying down the corridors to try and get out of the building. To get home to you.

- - - - - -

He’s practically trembling on the taxi journey all the way back to the flat - he’s convincing himself of every possible negative outcome and telling himself a million times that it’s too late to rectify what he’s done. The thought alone causes adrenaline to surge through him.

When the cab pulls up outside of your building, he rushes to the penthouse like there’s fire behind his feet. But as soon as he reaches the door? All of that comes crashing down. And there’s an odd solemn nature that falls over him that he can’t manage to shift.

There’s soft music playing from inside the flat and he’s cautious as he unlocks the door. It’s quiet and calm but he’s certain that the aftermath of a storm is always worse than the storm itself. You’re always awaiting the next.

Tom walks through the flat calmly until he reaches the spare room. The two of you had used it as a very jumbled place for storage since you’d moved in and never really got round to organising. Clearly today you’d set that task for yourself.

“Hey,” He begins softly and it instantly makes you jump.

You hadn’t heard him over the music.

“What are you doing home?” You frown, checking the time, “I thought it wasn’t supposed to be for at least another hour.”

“Yeah I know,” Tom scratches at the back of his neck, “I left early.”

You frown once again, “What happened? Was everything okay?” You pause the song and focus solely on him.

“Um, yeah, listen (Y/n)...” He pauses, glancing over at the photo album in your hands, “What are you doing?”

“Just looking through some old photos,” You tuck some stray hairs behind your ears and it pains you that it’s not his hand to make the movement, “I got a bit distracted from clearing out.”

“Can I join you?”

You shift around on the floor to make room for him beside you and, as he’d asked, he comes to sit cross legged on the carpet next to you.

“Oh my god!” Tom picks up a photo from the floor, “This was from Halloween, what like 3 years ago?”

“Yeah,” You smile, “The avengers idea!”

Your eyes glance over the group of you - you were Black Widow, Tom was Hawkeye, Tuwaine: the Hulk, Harrison: Captain America, Harry was Iron Man and Sam was Thor. You’d never been so proud of yourselves when the idea actually came off well.

“Why didn’t you go as Spider-Man?” You frown, looking at another photo of the night.

He laughs, “We said we’d go as the original group!”

The laughter settles as you move onto another one, the two of you on your first holiday together. Tom had taken you to Barcelona for your birthday and it had been the most under planned trips ever. The hotel ended up misbooking you so you had to find somewhere last minute, your flights got mixed up too and Tom forgot to book the restaurant that he’d been planning for your actual birthday evening. But it couldn’t have been more perfect. You spent the evenings hand in hand around the streets, you found quaint little corner shops and cafes that sufficed to make the entire weekend something you’d never forget.

“God, I really fucked up with that one!” Tom shakes his head, flicking through a few failed photos that an old couple had taken of you two.

“No, don’t be silly,” You defend, “It was beautiful.”

He smiles lightly and the two of you immerse yourself in more photos, organising them into the years of memories that you’d made together over your relationship. You slot the final photo into an album and set it into the box with the others - one for each year.

“(Y/n) I’m really sorry,” Tom begins, evidently returning back to his initial reasoning for coming home, “I didn’t mean to miss that event, and I know it was completely stupid of me to forget. I should’ve spoken to you and told you what I was doing. And if I’d have remembered, I would’ve been there with you.”

You look down at your hands in your lap.

“I know I can’t blame this on my forgetfulness or just act like this was a silly, forgettable mistake, because it wasn’t. Darling, you’ve always been there for me, every event, every premiere, everything- you’re always by my side. And, on one night where I should’ve been doing the same, I was ignorant and didn’t think of you as much as I should’ve done. As much as I should always do,” He sighs, the frown between his brows increasing, “You don’t deserve to be treated like that. God, if I’d have been there, I would’ve been proud beyond belief of you, of everything you’re achieving. You melt my heart with how unbelievably proud you make me and it kills me that I didn’t show you that when I should’ve done.”

You reach over and squeeze his hand, “Tom, we’ll keep going around in circles if we keep talking about this.”

His mouth parts and it’s like you see his heart sink, “What are you saying?”

“Dance with me,” You mumble, reaching over to play the music through the speakers once again.

It’s ‘Falling’ from Harry Styles’ album that starts playing and it seems awfully bittersweet for the moment. It doesn’t exactly fit but you don’t care.

You pull Toms hands and wrap your arms around him as he does the same to you. He’s uncertain at first but soon relaxes into your body being against him. He holds you close and lets your head hear the calming beat of his heart against his chest. You take in a shaky breath and feel like you’re holding him close enough to mold him back into you, into every part of your body and your mind.

“I love you,” Tom whispers against your hair, dipping his head down to bring the words as close to you as possible.

It feels like the first time in forever where he says those words and they really sink into your veins like they did when they’d first left his lips.

And, somehow, it brings you back to everything that had ever mattered. Something you’d managed to almost lose. Us.

“I don’t want to lose this.”

#tom #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland drabble #tom holland blurb #tom holland writing #tom holland request #tom imagine #tom fanfiction #tom drabble #tom blurb #tom writing #tom request #tom x reader #tom x you #tom x y/n #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom angst #tom holland angst

[kaptain-k-pop]

Alright ladies!!! After a full 65 hours of the album being out I am Finally sharing my Thots 👀

I have three full 8 hour shifts of listening to Nothing Else under my belt, (plus an unspecified number of hours listening outside if work...) so I'm Basically an Expert 😌💗

Dear my universe: We love a space/space-adjacent themed Astro song in this house 😌😌😌 this is such a nice choice to start off the album (also I'm a fucking nerd and so the way that the First Song on The Album is called 'Dear my universe' like addressing a letter? Like as if the album itself is kind of like a love letter from Astro to Aroha?? 🥺 Okay I'll stop. But it's just a thot that came into my head and now I'm having Feelings 🤧💜) the echoey parts and the harmonies?? So yummy, so pretty, I love it 💗

Butterfly Effect: HELLO my Love 😍💓💌💝💜💞💖💘💕💗 I was Warned by @entry-777 to be prepared for Rocky Vocals, which is a Good Thing bc if I wasn't ready for it I probably would have started crying or somethin lame like that and looked Quite Foolish in front of my coworkers, however I was NOT warned about JINWOO VOCALS (Danny you slipped Queen!!! 😭) It was like. 6 seconds. But it was there and it's gonna live in my head rent free for the next full calendar year, also Moonbin and Eunwoo's falsettos??? GOD everyone sounds so great in this song. I love our Six Vocalists 😪💜

ONE: my ONE opinions have Grown and Matured over the course of listening to it quite literally like 75 times. Do not be mistaken, I never disliked it, but I did have Certain Opinions. For example, it is a Certified Fact that I have stated before: an Astro Title Track is not an Astro Title Track without MJ throwing up Angel High Notes above the last chorus. And when I listened to ONE for the first time I was not satisfied in that department. He did like, A Few, but I was waiting for more to come and like picturing in my head what it was going to sound like and then they didn't come and I was Mildly Disappointed. So that was just one thing that like, I wanted a little more than what I got, which does not mean that I didn't like what I did get!!! Anyway, after listening to it Many More Times and paying close attention to harmonies and such I am a bit more satified with the ad-libs he did get, it's just that this song is Different than other Astros Title Tracks, it is a different style so I guess what they gave him fits more with that style than what I was expecting (still wish he had gotten to shine a little more in this Title but what are you going to do?) It could very well be the 'you listened to this song so much you are tricking yourself into liking it more' thing, but my love for this song has definitely grown in the past few days (and again!! I never disliked it in the first place!) it is still not one of my top faves on the album but that's only bc Astro are B-side Kings! I still do really like this song

Someone Else: (okay at first I Did Not Realize this was just an MJJinjinMoonbin song?? I did not Know we were getting unit songs in this album, but that explains why I didn't hear anyone else's voices in it 🤷 agdjahdjakd) in any case, I like her! She is very Fun and Funky 😌 definitely one I will continue to listen to often (also fun fact: that electronic sound at like 2:32 the first time I heard it my body physically reacted like one of Pavlov's dogs bc that same sound is also in the song that I have set as my alarm ahdjskahdjsj 'oh? we are Waking Up now? :)' Queen calm down, you are awake lmao)

SNS: Ma'am..... Hello????? Omg I love this song so much, the beat, the vocals, the soda can (yes I noticed!!! Omg when I tell y'all I got a rush of serotonin when I heard that...) another thing I absolutely adore about this song is the 'ah-ahhh, ah-ahhh' part bc it makes my brain do the same thing as when it sees an optical illusion where the thing I'm seeing switches back and forth based on what I'm focusing on like 'oh, now I see a vase, oh now it's two faces' that except with sound (so an aural illusion I guess is what that would be??) Like 'oh, that's Human Voices making that sound' but then if I focus on it it sounds like an Electronic Phone Buzzing Text Notification Sound (and then I focus on it again and it's Voices) which is probably what was intended considering it's a song named after texting? I just think that's so cool, I love that they did that and it sounds really Neat

All Good: oh my GOD this song, oh 👏 my 👏 G 👏 O 👏 D 👏 All Good........... my BELOVED™ 💜💜💜 Mental Illness?? Idek her. Lee Dongmin said "Gonna be alright" so Everything is Fine now actually. I'm gonna Do Drugs (this song) and forget my problems 😌 this song qualifies as a Hardcore Party Drug. I am going to grind this song up into a fine powder and snort it like cocaine. Holy FUCK this song is good. I'm saying something controversial (it's not controversial, lmao, I know I am not the only one who thinks this) yet brave: Miss All Good is Title Track Material 👀 now idek anything about marketing so maybe ONE was a better choice for Title Track from a marketing standpoint idek, all I know is that All Good FUCKS I literally could talk about this song for hours omg, I need to stop this post is already so long but ALL GOOD I LOVE YOU QUEEN 👑 😭💓💘💗💕💜💌💝💞💖

All Stars: "yeah let's go haha" alright yes, whatever you say 😍 okay so in this song ofc I immediately noticed the "you're my one&only" we love that self reference 😌💜 but when I was looking at the lyrics I also noticed that we have "When you call me I'll run to you" and the Very First Line is "I've got a dream, when I run breathlessly" coincidence??? 👀 ....... yeah probably, I analyze things way too much agjdjdjdjd but ANYWAY I Love MJ's bridge(? is that the right word? the '이룰 테니까' part. U know what I mean) and the "everything is OK (lala la la)"??? Alright, Depression Cured, thanks Kings 😌👑💗

Our spring: if ONE left my thirst of Angelic MJ Runs not fully satisfied Miss Our Spring came through for me I LOVE ALL HIS PARTS IN THIS SONG SO MUCH AND THE R U N S yes 👏 king 👏 yes 👏 king 👏 thank you SO much 😌💖💜💗 Idk why but I just really latched on to this song, I love the chorus and Rocky's (설레는 날에) part, also I believe if I am Not Mistaken Rocky contributed to the lyrics on this? 👀 we love that for him! Especially bc the lyrics are so pretty and not just bc I am biased 💜

Stardust: another Space themed song it's my favorite concept again 😌😌😌 and y'all know that I am a Strings Appreciating Bitch 💗 so ofc I immediately had Feelings as soon as I heard them in the back. This song is so so so pretty?? the instrumental, the vocals, the lyrics? It's so calming and peaceful listening to this song, it feels so nice and cozy 😔💗 On all levels except physical I am laying on the roof stargazing and Astro is wrapping a blanket around my shoulders and giving me a lil kiss on the top of the head. This song would really be the Bloom of the album, if not for.....

gemini: the BLOOM of the album 😭💓💌💝💘💗💕💜💞💖 Miss gemini my beloved... 😔💜 "will you protect me? Even after the long night passes the place we embroidered together stays in our hearts" Don't TOUCH me 🤧🤧🤧 I can, have, must, am, and will cry about this song if I think about it for too long. Myungjun contributed to the lyrics, arrangement, and composition and it turned out so good?? (I mean of course it did) I'm very proud of him and I got more pretty Angel High notes in this song so I am Very Satisfied, I LOVE her so much 💗💗💗

And that's that!!!

If you are reading this, ps I love u for sticking around to read all my rambling pls accept a hypothetical forehead kiss or some fingerhearts sent @ u from a respectful distance 💗

Also my askbox is always open if you want to share your opinions, I love talking about these boys..... 👀

#this took so long to write but here it finally is #the K-otic Thots from your friendly neighborhood Kaptain K 😌💗 #astro #all yours #astro one #astro all yours #aroha #kpop #kjersten talks too much #kjersten overshares

[hiddenwritingsintheworld]

Somebody Else-Jensen x Reader Part 2

[Sooo many of you requested a Part 2 to the one shot 10,000 Emerald Pools, so I fought myself trying to find the most person sequel. and I think I did just that! I hope you all love this!!  P.S Thank you all for being so patient with me, my mental health hasn’t been the greatest for quite a while and I’ve been going through alot of stuff. It’s really hard for me right now, in all aspects of life but I promise I’m going to try and fix everything! Thank you all for your love and support! means way more than you know!]

Somebody Else-The 1975 (LISTEN TO THE SONG HERE!)

10,000 Emerald Pools (You must read this one before reading ‘Somebody Else’) 

Donations

               Jensen wasn’t really sure where you two were headed after you left the hospital. He knew two things, number one he wanted to work things out and get back together. Number two he knew things would be different now that you were busy with your music. Which, he was really impressed and proud of, he just knew how busy the famous life could be. He hoped that you guys could be friends but from the moment he’d helped you into his car, you were silent; and he knew that wasn’t a good sign.

               You sat quietly next to Jay; he was insistent on being there to help you. You’d tore a small muscle in your back, nothing major, you’d be fine in a few weeks but Jay wasn’t having that. He said he would be your body guard/personal assistant, whatever it took for you to forgive him. Which, you already had but you knew in your heart that you couldn’t just admit it. He’d really hurt you when he ended things like he did, and all because he was famous? You could have cared less about that.

               You had started to see a future with him and he ruined that. It was going to take a lot more than just getting you some food and a book when you wanted to make up for that. But as you pulled up to your house, a few cars were parked outside. “shit….” You mumbled as you carefully undid your seat belt. “What’s going on?” Jay asked as he parked the car. “I completely forgot, I’m hosting a small get together for some major people in the record company today and I have to give a small performance.” You sighed closing your eyes. “Are you sure you’re up for that?” Jay asked you softly. You looked at him and nodded “I have to be, it’s my job.” You stated flatly and opened the door.

               Jay jumped out and made his way around the car, but you were already trying to pull yourself out when he got there. He carefully helped you up giving you a small lecture about waiting for help. But sitting on your couch for hours with a guitar on your lap wasn’t going to go along with the doctor’s orders, which consisted of ‘lots of bed rest and relaxation. Take the pain medication as needed with an off set of Tylenol.’

               You walked inside the house and smiled as some of your friends came over and greeted you. “Who’s the hot nurse?” your friend Ashley grinned after Jay had carefully set you on the couch, and left to get you some food and something to drink. You glared at her, “he’s my personal assistant. NOT nurse. And he’s off limits” you snapped.

               Ashley as well as a couple of close by people turned and looked at you with a concerned look. “Sorry, just in a lot of pain.” You said trying to lean back. “Whoa, easy, let me help you.” Jay came back with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, with a glass of sweet tea. God why did he have to know you so well. You sat back against some pillows and felt the tension leave your back.

               “Let’s hear this magical song, which I’ve heard rumors is about a certain young man who broke your heart,” David, one of the company’s top dogs said with a smart-ass smirk on his face. “Yep. He dumped me, and so for revenge I wrote this song about how I just can’t live without him. Almost died making the music video about it.” You laughed as they did but your laughter was fake. You hated this, you wanted out of it so badly. Music was a great way to express what you were feeling, and it did that for a lot of people, but it was obvious to you that these guys weren’t in this business for their feelings. They were in it to get their pockets fattened.

               You were handed your guitar and you slowly strummed on it, “So while I was in the hospital, I was thinking of another song, which it’s not finished, however I want to sing some of it for you all today. We’ve all heard our first hit, but I think this could be a second one.” You said softly as you began to play the guitar. No one objected thank god, and you began to sing softly.

‘So, I heard you found somebody else

And at first, I thought it was a lie

I took all my things that make sounds

The rest I can do without

 I don't want your body

But I hate to think about you with somebody else

Our love has gone cold

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else’

               Jay watched from the door frame across the room, he knew this too, was about him. Only this time, he was getting the message a lot louder and clearer. You were over him; you didn’t want him anymore. But you also didn’t like the idea of someone else having him. Which was nice in his mind, because maybe this meant your anger wrote this song. Maybe you were just angry that he’d started to date someone else. Or that he was on a date when you saw him again.

‘I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone

And then leaving with somebody else

No, I don't want your body

But I'm picturing your body with somebody else’

               You slowed the guitar strings and looked at everyone. “That’s all I got so far, but I think it kind of flows nicely from 10,000 Emerald pools.” You said, but most of the big wigs started talking amongst themselves, after about an hour they began to leave, but not before telling you that they liked what they’d heard and they were expecting you back in the studio soon, regardless of your back injury. You all needed to talk about this album that was going to come out.

               You watched Jay clean up the house, your notepad and pen sat on your leg as you watched him. No doubt you knew what this album was about. It was going to be all about Jay, and the feelings you held for him. You began to write as you played some beats on your phone. You looked at him again to see him glancing at you. “You feeling okay? You look a little pale, you’re supposed to be resting while taking those pills.” He said coming over and helping you lay back on the pillows. “yeah, just thinking is all.” You said and covered up with a blanket as you yawned.

               You started to quietly sing again as Jay went into the kitchen and cleaned everything up. Tapping your pen on your notepad, you began to develop a nice rhythm to the song.

‘I don't want your body, I don't want your body

I don't want your body, I don't want your body

I don't want your body, I don't want your body

I don't want your body; I don't want your body’

               Weeks passed and Jay never left your side, you’d often remind yourself you didn’t want him. But it was so hard, he’d work out while you did some therapy, he’d cook for you, clean up your place, he was like your right hand, always there, always willing and eager to help you. But you knew he just wanted to hear that you forgave him.

               One morning Jay woke up and heard music, he’d never heard it before. Crawling out of bed, he walked over to the guest bedroom window, that he slept with open and listened. You were sitting out on the back porch singing softly with your guitar.

‘Come on baby

This ain't the last time that I'll see your face

Come on baby

You said you'd find someone to take my place

 Oh, I just don't believe that you have got it in you cause

We are just gonna keep "doin' it" and everytime

I start to believe in anything you're saying

I'm reminded that I should be getting over it

 I don't want your body

But I hate to think about you with somebody else

Our love has gone cold

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else’

               Jay listened to the feeling and passion you put into this song, he had crushed you, truly, and you were angry that he was here. Which, he should try to smooth things over but what was the point? You were bound to reject him again and again. You literally wrote a song about driving him away. If you truly had wanted to be with him you would have tried to be.

               It may not have been the most perfect plan but Jay was going to do one last, final attempt to get you back. He sat down and began to write a letter to you as he listened to sing that morning. It was a long shot, but he was willing to do anything to get you back.  

‘I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone

And then leaving with somebody else

No, I don't want your body

But I'm picturing your body with somebody else

I don't want your body, I don't want your body

I don't want your body, I don't want your body

I don't want your body, I don't want your body

I don't want your body, I don't want your body

 Get someone you love?

Get someone you need?

Fuck that, get money

I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone

Get someone you love?

Get someone you need?

Fuck that, get money

I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone

Get someone you love?

Get someone you need?

Fuck that, get money

I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone

Get someone you love?

Get someone you need?

Fuck that, get money

I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone

 I don't want your body

But I hate to think about you with somebody else

Our love has gone cold

You're intertwining your soul with somebody else

 I'm looking through you while you're looking through your phone

And then leaving with somebody else

No, I don't want your body

But I'm picturing your body with somebody else’

@adriellej​ @sgarrett49​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @mrssamfuckingwinchester​ @hobby27​ @traceyaudette​ @mogaruke​ @thewalkingdistancefrom​ @booger206​ @ellen-reincarnated1967​ @heimganger​ @moonlitskinwalker​ @teamfreewillimagines-blog​ @stoneygirl​ @monkeymcpoopoo​ @sandlee44​ @asgardianvamp21​ @frozenhuntress67​ @babypink224221​ @just-another-busy-fangirl​ @flamencodiva​ @for-the-love-of-the-fandom​ @jaylarkson​ @auriel187​ @jessica-marsh09​ @woodworthti666​ 

(P.S Let me know if you want to stay on the tag list or be added! Im creating a new one!! Thank you!!) 

#Supernatural imagines #supernatural imagine #supernatural one shots #supernatural one shot #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fandom #supernatural AU #supernatural angst #supernatural smut #supernatural sam winchester #supernatural dean winchester #supernatural series #supernatural jensen ackles #supernatural jared padalecki #supernatural #dean winchester imagines #dean winchester one shots #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester fan fiction #dean winchester au #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #jensen ackles imagines #jensen ackles fan fiction #jensen ackles one shots #jensen ackles one shot #jensen ackles imagine

[pufflyhallows]

Picks & Pens (II)

Hello! I’m back with another chapter for this one. This AU is so cool for me, I hope you guys like it.

Chapter Two: The Day I Died

Warnings: language

Word count: 2,4k

a/n: I still don’t know shit about press lol

Mrs. Lennox hadn’t e-mailed you in three days. Didn’t seem much time for the outside eye, but you knew it was strange. You hoped there was nothing wrong with the interview, as you had already started working on your questions and also had plans for the extra cash coming in soon. There was a local artist whose paintings had a quite fun twist on pop culture and you liked to support him. Your living room could use some more color too.

Just when you finally had all your focus directed at the writing of your questions, Jessie popped up behind your laptop with a questioning look.

“What?” you asked impatiently, slightly irritated that you had been interrupted.

“You’re too quiet today.”

“I’m working?”

“Must be something really important to make you miss Kevin’s afternoon rage. What is it?”

“Oh, I missed it? What was it this time? The vending machine ran out of peanuts?”

“Nope. The construction site is ‘making too much noise’.”

“He means the construction site ten floors below us?”

“Yeah. You can’t even hear it!” Jessie shook her head. “Anyway, you didn’t answer my question. What are you working on?”

“An interview,” you closed your laptop.

“Ooh… is it top secret?” she wiggled her eyebrows. “Is it an A-List celebrity? Oh my God, it’s Tom Hardy, isn’t it?”

“What? No,” you chuckled. “I’ll tell you when I get the confirmation. It’s a bit uncertain for now.”

“But can you give me a hint? Like… male or female? Actor or singer? Politician, maybe? A TV host?! Give me something, Y/N!”

“Male,” you said. “And that’s all I’m giving you.”

“Male… Hm…” she squeezed her eyes. “Are you sure it’s not Tom Hardy? You know I would definitely pretend to be your assistant and sneak in that interview, right?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t doubt that. But no, Jessie, it is not Tom Hardy.”

“What a bummer. Well, good luck on the confirmation. I need to go back to that puppy coat article.”

“Puppy coat?”

“Yeah, you know… Coats for puppies. It’s quite trendy now in the winter. People still need to take their dogs out for walkies, after all.”

“Please tell me you’re putting pictures on that article.”

“You bet I am,” she smiled. “Comes out tomorrow, probably. Check the website at noon.”

“I definitely will.”

When Jessie walked away, you heard the infamous ding from your computer, announcing a new e-mail. You quickly opened the device again and clicked on the e-mail icon. It was from Brenda.

Mrs. Lennox wants to grab coffee downstairs with you at 4 p.m.

Perfect. Probably an update on the scheduling.

You replied confirming your attendance to the casual meeting and looked at your watch. It was still 3:35 p.m.

Your train of thought for the interview had been lost already, thanks to Jessie and her curiosity, so you didn’t get back to it right away. Instead, you decided to stretch your legs and walk over to Ben’s desk. He managed to make those twenty five minutes pass quite fast, getting a few laughs out of you in the process. When it was time, you got into the elevator and descended a couple of floors to the coffee shop.

You knew from experience that Sophia Lennox always arrived five minutes after the time she set. She hated waiting for people, but she did not want to make people wait for her for too long. Words you heard from Sophia herself. For that reason, you took the liberty to sit at the most discrete table and wait for her inside. As expected, she appeared after five short minutes and sat in front of you.

“Have you ordered anything yet?” she asked, signaling to the waitress that usually served her table.

You shook your head just as the waitress approached the table.

“Hello, dear. One latte for me and…” Mrs. Lennox looked at you.

“A mocha for me,” you smiled at Sam, the waitress.

“Right away,” she smiled back, walking away.

“I could start this conversation with ‘you’re probably wondering why I asked you to meet me here’, but I know you’re smart enough not to wonder. You know this is about the interview,” Mrs. Lennox started. “And let me get this out of the way and say that it’s very much confirmed. You will be interviewing him. The only issue we’re having is his schedule. He’s a very busy man, apparently. Much busier than I thought.”

You kept on listening, not finding that information surprising.

“It was his birthday a couple of weeks ago and he had taken a break from his usual schedule to celebrate. Now that he’s back, there are some things he needs to take care of before even thinking about interviews. At least, that’s what his manager told me.”

“So no prediction?”

“Actually, yes. There is a prediction, but I don’t think you’re going to like it. He will probably be available between the 15th and the 21st of December. Though it’s no guarantee.”

“Oh! That’s like three weeks from now,” you reflected for a few seconds. “And then it will be quite a hurry to write the article.”

“I know… I felt really tempted to pull the ex-girlfriend card, but you’ve asked me not to and I didn’t.”

“What, you think they would make time for it if they knew?”

“I mean, probably. It’s good press for him too,” you looked down after hearing her words. Of course it’s about press. “But all they know is that it’s for SL Magazine.”

Before you could reply, Sam came back with your orders, placing them on the table.

“Thank you.”

As she walked away, you grabbed your cup of mocha and took a small sip.

“So…” Mrs. Lennox cleared her throat. “Can you do it?”

You knew that was a rhetorical question. There was no way you could backpedal now.

“Yes. But I’d really appreciate it if you managed to get me the 15th or 16th. The sooner, the better.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more,” your boss sighed, raising her cup at you before taking a sip. “I will try to get the-”

The conversation was interrupted by Mrs. Lennox’s cellphone ringing inside her purse. She reached for it and looked slightly surprised with the name on the screen. “It’s her.”

“Who?” you frowned.

“The manager,” she slid her finger across the screen and put the phone on her ear. “Hello?”

You grabbed your cup with both hands and took a long sip as you watched the conversation.

“I’m great! How about you? Oh, that’s lovely. I believe it was Tuesday, yes. Not at all! I completely understand. Well… um…” Mrs. Lennox looked at you hesitantly before carrying on. “Yes, that’s her.”

The nervousness and apprehension started kicking in. You found yourself almost squeezing the cup between your hands, waiting for your boss to end that call and tell you what was going on.

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” she let out a business laugh. “Oh, that will get a little rushed, don’t you think? No, no. I appreciate it. Thank you very much, Miss Dawson. Of course. Bye bye.”

Mrs. Lennox placed her phone on the table and took a deep breath. She looked at you and bit her lower lip thoughtfully.

“What happened?” you asked. “It wasn’t canceled, was it?”

“No! Don’t even say something like that,” she shook her head and waved her hand at you. “Well, his manager is quite good. She looked into SL and found out you work for us, so she wanted to know if, by any chance, you would be the one interviewing him. I wasn’t going to lie, of course, and said yes.”

“Oh...”

“Look, I know this isn’t what you wanted, but it is actually a good thing, Y/N. She said she’ll squeeze us in for next week!”

“Next week?!”

“Isn’t it great? I knew they would make time for you.”

Of course, I’m ‘good press’.

“You have started on the material, right?” Mrs. Lennox asked.

“I have, actually. But I’m still doing research.”

“Okay. You’ll have to hurry a little bit. Miss Dawson said next Wednesday is the perfect day, which means you only have about four days to finish it. And keep in mind that I want to see it before you go, so we should have a little spare time in case you need to make edits,” she stopped to take another sip and you accepted that your weekend was going to be wasted on Sirius Black research. “Do you know her, by the way? The manager.”

“No. He had a different one back then,” you sounded more bitter than you intended, and Mrs. Lennox eyed you for a couple of seconds.

“I won’t ask.”

“Thanks.”

“Well… let’s get to work!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a glass of red wine on your nightstand and random music videos from YouTube playing on the TV, you typed question after question on your laptop, sitting on your queen sized bed on a Saturday night. It was going to be a big article. Two full pages with three columns of text each, according to Mrs. Lennox. She wanted the narrated type, with you describing even his motioning hands. It was going to be a handful, but you were prepared. You had done it before. This wouldn’t be any different from the Saoirse Ronan one.

As you went through his discography, you listened to all the songs you hadn’t listened before, which meant most of them. After the breakup, you had stopped listening to his music altogether. You only knew the ones that became hits and played in the radio, gas stations, stores, every damn where. It was quite annoying, actually.

You got to the last song of his latest album, released eight months ago: Love Falls. There was no music video, so you paused the TV and clicked on the song on your laptop’s Spotify to listen to it through your headphones.

The lyrics immediately caught your attention.

Have you cried yourself to sleep?

Have you felt this incomplete?

Have you ever cut yourself so deep to see if you still bleed?

Oh, another angsty song. Great.

Do you ever feel wanted?

Do you ever feel needed?

Do you ever feel happy?

Or are you just like me?

What the fuck is he talking about? He’s the artist of the decade! Of course he’s wanted. If there was something that pissed you off about the music industry was when artists tried to be ‘relatable’ in their songs, even if it meant portraying an image that wasn’t necessarily true.

I’m hanging by a thread, a rope, the noose around my neck

I choke, ‘cause every time I’m falling love falls out of me

Right. What about all the girls he’d been with? Every month there were pictures of him partying with someone different and- Well, actually, that was it. Partying. In your research you realized he hadn’t been in a serious relationship since… you.

I'm hardened like a rock, a stone, the brick inside my chest

Alone, 'cause every time I'm falling love falls out of me

Maybe… maybe he wasn’t trying to be relatable. Maybe he wasn’t projecting a fake image. Maybe he did feel like that.

I'll never forget the day I died

Love memories frozen and denied

Flower of my heart withered and dried

You took a very long sip of your wine and wiped your lips with your sweater’s sleeve.

Love falls out of me

And that was it. The song ended. You had gone through his entire discography, listened to every song and watched every music video. Weirdly, apart from the ones that were released when you were still together, that was the first song that made you feel something. The first one you actually enjoyed. It was a really good song, you had to admit. It was raw and vulnerable, something you hadn’t seen in one of his songs since the first two albums.

You played it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Interesting.”

Mrs. Lennox was reading your material for the interview, with a pen between two fingers, ready to cross out or add a sentence.

You were sitting on the comfy, fluffy chair in front of her table, nervously bouncing your leg as you squeezed your hands together. You hoped she liked what you had prepared because you really wanted to use it.

“Oh, I didn’t know this.” She kept reading, clearly interested. The fact that she hadn’t done any edits yet gave you hope.

A few more minutes went by, no edits, and suddenly she looked up at you. Slowly, she put the sheets of paper down and took off her red cat-eye glasses.

“I’m impressed, Y/N. You really went above and beyond on this. I’m almost certain this is the very first time I didn’t have to edit the material for an interview before approving it.”

“Does that mean…?”

“It’s approved. You can use it. As a matter of fact, you have to use it. It’s perfect!” Mrs. Lennox chuckled. “You go straight to the point and ask exactly what people want to know. Not to mention the small details you’ve picked up on! Well done. This article is going to be amazing.”

You sighed, relieved. “Thank you, Mrs. Lennox. I sure hope so.”

She smiled at you. “And I’m curious to find out the answers.”

“Honestly? Me too.”

“I know,” she nodded, still smiling. “Good thing we won’t have to wait for too long. Tomorrow is the day!”

Mrs. Lennox stood up and handed you back the papers. “You know the deal or should I recap?”

“Please, recap.”

“It’s an intimate interview, as you know. This means that the only people in the room are going to be you and him. All he has tomorrow, besides this interview, is a photoshoot for a radio station or something. It’s supposed to take place in the morning, but it’s likely that it will be extended into the afternoon. And that’s why his manager scheduled our interview for 6 p.m. A little later than our usual, I know, but she’s squeezing us in. It’s not his usual either.”

“Place?”

“His personal studio. He has something to do there after the interview, apparently. Or even during the interview, doesn’t really matter. It’ll still be just the two of you,” she paused. “You need the address?”

“No, I got it.”

“Great! I think that’s about everything.”

“Okay,” you nodded slowly, glancing at the material in your hands. “I should get back to work, then.”

“Actually, Y/N, why don’t you go home? I have nothing for you here.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You don’t have to come tomorrow either, use the day to prepare for the interview. Study the material and rock on! Oh, and don’t forget to call me before you get to the studio. I want to give you my pep talk,” she smiled.

“Sure,” you smiled back, standing up. “See you in two days, then.”

“See you, Y/N. Good luck.”

********

Love Falls by HELLYEAH

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black imagine #sirius black fanfic #sirius black fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #sirius black series #harry potter imagine #sirius black au #harry potter au #random tag

[age-of-shadows]

yet another Avantasia theory by yours truly on how all the albums are connected

*ahem* OKAY, fellow avantasian brothers, sisters, siblings... We’re all reunited here in this post because I had a big brain moment about a couple of hours ago and somehow managed to connect all of the Avantasia albums as well as uncover what the actual Avantasia world is apart from Tobi’s definition of it.

This post is probably going to be really long and I already would like to apologise if there’s anything you don’t understand because I didn’t phrase it right (english ain’t my first language so... there might be a lot of mistakes), plus, I’m not Tobias so I can be completely wrong about this but HEY, THEORIES. I don’t even know if anyone’s even thought about this but I’ve literlaly never read about it and trust me, I’ve done a lot of Avantasia research in this year. And I’m aware it’s very, VERY hard to get the album plots right (man... I’ve spent months trying to figure out The Wicked Trilogy and Mystery of Time/Ghostlights, and even if I now think I have a clearer idea of what they’re about, whenever I listen to them I discover new things about them); but I do know reading other theories help people understand the lore and I hope this helps in some way.

Here we go: what is Avantasia? Apart from it obviously being the name of the project, Tobias describes it as a “world beyond human imagination”. At first, this definition is actually very clear and direct, isn’t it? Specially in The Metal Opera since all the story is well written down, and besides, the lyrics are clearer. Anyway, I have just finished reading the story from the booklets (I have to look up the one from part one because I only own part two for now... whoops) and I can do a summary of it: 

"Many ways lead to Rome. Seven times one way for all that leads to a world beyond our inagination."

This is said in one of the seven books that is part of the seven books and seven seals. What are these seals and books even? Well, if you’re only able to listen to the music and don’t have access to the booklets like I did just now, you for sure have noticed the seals do have a big part in the plot. These seven seals were made to be able to enter the spiritual world in flesh and blood. And yes, you guessed it: the spiritual world is Avantasia. They were made by three magicians of the universe thousands of years ago because they knew mankind would be born and they would need this spiritual world for themselves to find peace, and they should also take care of it.

Now: the famous Avantasia Tower, what even is it? Well, some higher entity that can be concieved as a God, maybe not much of a good one, though, is sealed in this Tower. If the seven seals were brought to the Tower, Avantasia would be locked and this God would break free, bringing chaos to mankind. And what would happen if Avantasia is locked? Humans would lose this spiritual world, and when things get tough, they wouldn’t be able to turn anywhere to save themselves, and who knows if that would lead to their destruction.

So, Avantasia has to be kept alive and passed on to the newer generations. 

Also, one is also able to reach Avantasia with their spirit only (this is what Gabriel does), but it’s dangerous since it’s as if their soul trascends and so their body is left in our flesh and blood world. Could this also mean that, if a soul dies in Avantasia, it will never return to its material body? Who knows? Definitely not me, but anyway! Let’s keep going!

Now that we know what Avantasia is, how is it connected to the other three stories if it’s never really mentioned at all? How could we know? Again, this is just a theory and I’m probably wrong.

Let’s go into The Wicked Trilogy then, which is probably the most abstract album and also the hardest to understand, maybe. I already talked about my headcanons about Scarecrow in a post, but I definitely think he’s got some sort of mental illness and that’s why he does the things he does. Anyway... the setting is kind of confusing, but to get a clear starting point: Roy Khan’s character is named Psychiatrist, and he’s the first one that appears in the album along with Scarecrow. There’s a theory going around that this story happens in a hospital, or maybe a psychiatric, so we can guess Scarecrow is hospitalised because of this illness. However... does the rest of the story happen in the hospital physically? This is when Avantasia comes in:

I don’t believe Scarecrow’s journey takes place in the hospital... but in Avantasia. Taking into account almost all of the characters are his own feelings or just parts of him (aka, Bob Catley being Conscience, Jorn Lande being Mephistopheles as a form of temptation...) except for Amanda Somerville’s character, who definitely exists in real life as Scarecrow’s real love interest; it makes a lot of sense. But, oh, how can that world be Avantasia if none of the elements described in The Metal Opera aren’t there? Well, I won’t write the conclusion just yet, but the Avantasia world in The Wicked Trilogy really looks like how we can perceive Scarecrow himself: empty, cold, fucked up... Can you see where this is going?

And now, getting into The Mystery of Time and Ghostlights, there is a very, VERY clear reference to the Avantasia world we see in The Metal Opera, in Savior in the Clockwork. Our protagonist Aaron Blackwell is working non stop in a mantlepiece clock whose hands don’t move for some reason, he overworks himself to the point he loses conscience... or as he says in the booklet notes, he loses the conscience “he had been used to”; in anyway, he passes out on the table. This is kind of similar to how Gabriel gets into Avantasia, isn’t it? Plus, the lyrics of this song are very, very interesting...

“Now am I half asleep or half unconscious, Half 'adream'? I can't move as I am stuck in bright lucidity I can feel and hear and see But I won't comprehend I see fire that I won't decipher I see giant evil tower to a blackened sky I feel blessed with evidence of what I can't define Swinging blade of the lowering perpendicular I see clarity I won't remember Do I dream Is it only fantasy and matter just a thought I see And time is all they need to seal away eternity”

“Giant evil tower”, “seal away eternity”... Yes, that is definitely Avantasia, a version that’s more close to the The Metal Opera’s Avantasia than the one in The Wicked Trilogy. Aaron accidentally gets into Avantasia... the real Avantasia... and this, my friends, is why the Scientists and Magician go to Aaron and ask him for help: they somehow know he has seen the real thing.

This mystery of time... it has something to do with Avantasia, this is why they’re keeping it as a secret, just like the three clerics in The Metal Opera.

Now... Ghostlights, which is more symbolic than this previous album... and I think you can now guess why: it mainly takes part in Avantasia, during Let The Storm Descend Upon you is when it happens, precisely. I have no idea if the Mystery of a Blood Red Rose video can serve as a clue, but Aaron falls unconscious in the end so... perhaps he entered the Avantasia world in the spiritual form, however... that’s not the same Avantasia world he had been to previously, this is more like Scarecrow’s Avantasia in a way.

In this Avantasia world, it’s where Aaron finds these Ghostlights, as well as some of his Scientists mates, did they get in all together? Perhaps it was the Magician who let them into this sort of spiritual world. This whole album really does seem to happen in another dimension, I already talked about the final tracks in my Aaron-Entity theory post, but they make it seem as if Aaron trascends to another plane completely. And the voices calling Aaron? Very much similar to Gabriel’s inner voices in The Metal Opera.

Last but not least, my favorite: Moonglow. We’ve got this Misplaced Entity, who’s thrown into a world they have no place in. They seek shelter in the night, the only place they’re comfortable in, until, when we reach the time the album is set in, they run to never come back to that one place, hiding from the dawn.

Now... How does Entity enter Avantasia? Easy: They enter in Ghost in the Moon, pretty quickly I must say. Let’s say... the glow of the moon is they gateway to Avantasia. Realized how they start talking about turning into a different being? That happens when you enter the spiritual world through your actual spirit, just like what happened to Gabriel (his appearance changes to fit the world). All the night, mysterious, eerie world in Moonglow is Avantasia.

I think all of this is enough to reach a conclusion:

There’s not only one Avantasia... there’s thousands, millions, even. Though, there is one real Avantasia, which is the core: that’s the Avantasia that appears in The Metal Opera, and the one Aaron sees when he passes out. Then, what are the other Avantasias? Easy: the connection each human has to the core, which means each human has a unique way of experiencing that connection; that is how the core of Avantasia is kept alive, even without letting every human into this core (let’s remember, it could be dangerous if the core of Avantasia was locked by humans).

This way, we can deduce how each of the protagonists experiences Avantasia: Gabriel goes to the core; Scarecrow and Entity experience Avantasia as a gateaway from their real, tormented lives and try to find happiness there instead of in the flesh and blood world; Aaron gets into the core by accident but, later on in Ghostlights, he explores his own connection, related to his thirst for knowledge... Remember?

"Many ways lead to Rome. Seven times one way for all that leads to a world beyond our inagination."

I think this is it for now... It is now 1am and trust me, I’ve tried my best to explain myself, so I hope you can understand this!

#avantasia #god this is LONG #anyway i'm off to sleep now #was fun to spend like... 3 hours writing this down