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case-files-and-wine · 2 years

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so im rewatching apollo justice and you get live commentary (spoilers ofc, but this doesnt focus on the main story that much more on the little stuff i kinda missed the first time)

4-1

-kristoph is nicer in the first half than i remember even with the backhanded compliments -“BULLETS!? WHERE!?” -love that apollos defence is that mr wright would NEVER do that (cue anime eyes) -apollos thinking sprite my beloved -apollos 2d sprites my beloved -apollos objection, complete with the screen shaking effect and music is funnier than it should be -the OST goes hard -he has such a snarky inner monologue, quite similar to phoenix. ive heard a lot of apollos character got lost in translation so rip -phoenix and kristoph are both so dramatic. such tangled webs we weave my ass phoenix weve seen you cross examine a parrot -kristoph really said ‘his vibes were off’ -phoenix really revoked zaks right to call himself a dad. good. -they really did not pull any punches in the intro case, excellent start. it all feels really ominous, with the music and beanix and. everything. (also its long under the cut)

4-2

-they couldnt have handled phoenixs financial situation with less delicacy if they tried -phoenix has a fetish for being examined? -phoenix is emas drug dealer? -what is happening -ah yes the los angeles yakuza -i love ema im so glad shes a major character -how the hell did she not know abt trucy -klavier is meaner than i remember -oh my god the stickler cross examination drags on for so long -also. hes a creep. not funny. -klavier is meaner than i remember. what the fuck was that with wocky. (i remembered he said it but its actually so much worse in detail) -trucy talks to zaks portrait :(( -trucy is so much help shes the one who figured out the forehead thing at first -EMA SWEETHEART NO,

-she signs her name with a heart doodle i love her so much -trucy thinks the bullet looks tasty and i do not blame her one bit -apollo and trucy have so much sibling energy already -also props to trucy for not holding state v enigmar against klavier, she must have known the name if not recognize him by face -apollo definitely sounds a lot more amateurish in the beginning cases, prosecutions figured it out a long time back, later cases we can see hes much better at this; to think we couldve gotten a full apollo arc -from what i hear this case sounds boring af to a lot of ppl which fair, i thought it was alright. we get one hell of an introduction to trucy and klavier, but i feel like if there were 5 cases in the game it wouldve balanced it out better somehow? -this case has the vibes of. comic relief before the dramatic showdown except its one case too early

4-3

-someone pointed out in another post how. fanfiction-y the beginning to this is. and theyre so right -hm. ‘exotic’. game came out in 2007. -apollo really, really wants a flatscreen -ah, diva klavier -why was daryans guitar stolen? did i miss sm? -ema sings on the witness stand?? i did not remember this asdfg -did not realise he canonically gets called a diva. 10/10 -trucy wants modern gladiatorial combat to be a thing -they couldnt have handled phoenixs financial situation with less delicacy if they tried -if apollo ever loses his badge hes going to learn to play the guitar -is ema a snackoo powered android? tune in to find out -so its a regular occurrence,

-im glad they acknowledge in game (sometimes) how goddamned ridiculous some of the lines are,

-this has so much klavier content... anyway he spends office hours daydreaming -and has given up on trying to explain his fancy ass office chair to ppl -

-sigh. racist klavier. why oh why. -must keep trucy away from small, round fish -oh my fucking god throw valant out of a window for giving us that tape how many times must we do this. and the mixing board. -what is daryan’s motive? werent him and machi both world famous musicians why did they need more money?? -a LOT of klavier content. again, is there any reason why aj didnt have 5 cases? aj has so much plot potential (which is prob why 4-2 which contributed nothing feels out of place) and it became WASTED potential 4-4

-trucy is so funny, their investigation sections are the best -apollo has daddy issues,

-this feels like one of those excerpts from real court cases:

-honestly i kinda agree with klavier there who licks stuff anymore pls dont -ema just does a kristoph impression unprompted to fuck w klavier?? he hasnt even been involved yet asdfgfdsasdf -vera is such a sweetheart she shouldve made a comeback in later games -trilogy ost how i have missed you -phoenix is exceptionally arrogant abt klavier being a novice just because for once no ones talked up the prosecution beforehand. i liked the pw trilogy ended on the note that phoenix has gained experience and is no longer a naive beginner but some of this feels ooc -although they really nailed the bitchy teen upstart thing -another one that feels like sm that would be said in a real court,

-valant just sounds like a broken tape record his response to all options is the same at some points -i really like valants panic sprite -phoenix being a snarky art critic yes -phoenix knows 3 flowers and has not realised that 2 out of 2 women hes dated also have flower names. hes unsure if those are roses -love that as soon as we switch to phoenix’s pov we see that he has exactly a quarter of a braincell. -he feels bad that kristophs best friend is a rose (refer to the prev point) -”Your rose bites?!” -kristoph really bought a shovel off of ebay and dug his own grave giving us the nail polish huh -literally what was zak thinking when he came back like. if you win then you ruin this guys life (who is taking care of HIS kid) AGAIN and that was the plan?? what. -ooh grand bracelet reveal i liked that. genuinely surprised me at the time. -and then it gets all serious with the proper plot progression, which i liked overall but it ended up feeling underwhelming because yknow. dual destinies came out instead of aj-2. from what i understand aj was received poorly at the time, mainly because of phoenix’s character in it, and tbh i get why ppl would be mad abt that. some things were just a bit too much/ too insulting to his character/ too ooc for them to laugh off (like trucy being the breadwinner), could be done way better while still keeping the beanix energy, but i overall liked beanix because of how many grey areas the whole game has. they went back to pretending everything was fine in dd which is what makes it bad, if theyd completed his arc... sigh. phoenix do you know what a terrible horrible no good very bad idea it is to hide the sibling thing. anyway. the ost goes hard.

ps, i forgot to take screenshots while i was watching it, so i skipped around a bunch in this script

#DONT ASK ME WHY SOME OF THE PICS ARE SO LOW QUALITY IDK #its crispy on the site #ill prob rewatch the entire trilogy this summer i shld get a life #anyways feel free to come talk to me abt aj in general i will go on rants unprompted #ace attorney #apollo justice #klavier gavin #trucy wright #ema skye #phoenix wright #mine

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itcamefromthetoybox · 3 years

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The Battling Busboy

“Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings,” Marvel Studios’ latest super hero film, just hit theaters, and with it came some great new toys! And this being a toy review blog… I’m sure you can gather where I’m going with this. We’re gonna review some toys! Now, last week, we did something a little different and reviewed a two-pack instead of one toy. Well, we’re doing it again! So let’s take a look at the “Shang-Chi vs. Death Dealer” set.

As of this writing, I haven’t seen the movie yet. With the COVID Delta variant on shelves and my health held together by little more than coffee and a desire to own tiny plastic things, I don’t feel super-duper about going to theaters any time soon. This means I don’t know much about these characters from the movies, especially since I’m avoiding spoilers, and everything I do know is from the comics.

In the comics, Shang-Chi was originally the son of famous literary villain Fu Manchu, and was created back when Marvel had the rights to the Fu-Manchu books and was looking to cash in on the kung-fu craze of the 70’s. Hell, the comic that eventually became Shang-Chi was originally going to be an adaptation of a show called “Kung-Fu.” Despite his dad being so obviously evil that it was cartoonish, Shang-Chi didn’t realize his dad was the bad guy until he was sent to kill Fu Manchu’s enemies from the book, at which point, Shang-Chi realized, “oh crap, my dad’s evil!” Later books would retcon out Fu Manchu, because he was literally the original racist stereotype for Chinese master villains, and replace him with… pretty much the same thing but with a new name, because Marvel was fine with the racism but had lost the book rights and didn’t want to get sued. The movies, however, were like, “yeah, racism and borderline copy right violations might cut into our profit margins.” So they made Shang-Chi’s father an updated version of Iron Man’s comic book arch foe The Mandarin. Shang-Chi has popped up throughout the years as an Avenger, a recurring friend of Spider-Man, the dude everyone who needs to learn martial arts goes to, and whenever there’s a massive crowd shot of heroes. He’s also had several one-shots, short stories, and mini series, all of which is not bad for a guy who has no super powers.

His enemy in this two-pack, his father’s henchman Death Dealer, was someone who I initially knew nothing about. But, it’s 2021 and Wikipedia is a thing, so that got fixed fast. In the comics, Death Dealer was a former member of British intelligence agency MI-6, who was also a spy for Shang-Chi’s father. Upon being discovered, he fled and was given a pretty great costume and sent to fight Shang-Chi, who he actually managed to capture. Shang-Chi managed to eventually escape and later fought Death Dealer at his dad’s base in China, where he actually killed the villain by burning him to death. Because fire is usually the answer to whatever problems you may face.

Now that we all know who the hell these people are, let’s talk toys! For the Shang-Chi movie, Marvel’s released a bunch of toys. Shocking, I know. There’s the highly articulated Marvel Legends line, aimed at collectors, two figures for the Marvel Titan Heroes line of simplified 12-inch figures, and a small line of 6-inch figures with different features, in addition to toy accessories and a toy dragon that looks awesome. The set we’re looking at is from the main toy line, where most of the figures have different gimmicks. In this case, Shang-Chi has the power to roundhouse kick anyone who pisses him off, and Death Dealer has the ability to get roundhouse kicked in the face, because the toy budget meant only one figure in this set got to do something cool.

When Shang-Chi does it, it looks cool. When I do it, my pants rip.

Both figures in this set look really great. Excellent sculpting, wonderful detailing, they just look really good. Since it’s his movie, we’ll talk about Shang-Chi first, though. His articulation is all around his shoulders and legs. He’s also got a ball jointed head, but the sculpting means he can’t look up, so not entirely sure why they didn’t just use a swivel joint here. He’s got no knee or elbow articulation, which is a shame, but that’s because this figure is all about his gimmick, which we’ll get to in a second.

Finally, a toy for all my stock photo needs.

First, I do want to talk about an issue I have with this figure. His hair feels like a more rubbery plastic than the rest of his head, which makes for a weird sensation to touch. I know that’s a minor complaint, but it really bothers me, especially since I also grabbed the other Shang-Chi in this line, and he doesn’t have this issue. I don’t know if it’s a weird quirk of the plastic used for this toy’s head or if the hair’s a separate piece that was attached, or what, but it does bother me and might bug anyone with a sensory issue you might want to give this to, so keep that in mind.

The quality of this picture matches how I feel when I touch the toy’s hair.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the gimmick. The way it works is that there is a spring-loaded swivel in Shang-Chi’s right thigh, directly next to his crotch. You raise his left leg into a kick position, turn his body on the swivel, and let go. There’s a button on the back of his right leg that’s meant to hold him in place until you’re ready for him to kick, but it doesn’t do that great a job holding him and also requires you to constantly hold it in to make use of it.

You must grip the handsome man’s strong, powerful thighs.

As for Death Dealer, like I said before, he is very well-detailed. I was delighted by that. His articulation, on the other hand, isn’t exactly stellar. He has excellent shoulders and a ball joint head, but the sculpting prevents him from looking up and he has no elbows. His legs have articulation, but it is really limited by his costume’s robes, which block the legs from moving too much, and he has no knees. His right hand has a dagger molded into it and his left hand is sculpted into a grabbing gesture, so he also can’t hold anything. He’s definitely the weaker figure in the set and is clearly here just so Shang-Chi can kick him in the face.

Who needs good leg articulation when you have an outfit like this?

Who exactly is this set for? Well, clearly, it’s for the kids. It has a fun gimmick with simple figures that are fun for kids to play with and have no accessories that can be lost. The packaging also has no screens or windows, so the figures come in the open, meaning kids can touch them in the stores. The set goes for about $15, which does feel like a fair price. Just keep in mind what I said about Death Dealer’s articulation and Shang-Chi’s hair. That’s all I have to say, so I’m signing off and wishing you happy toy hunting!

#MCU #marvel cinematic universe #Shang-Chi #Death Dealer #Toy #Toys #toy reviews #toy review #review #reviews #marvel #shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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The Boys Volume 4: We Gotta Go Now Review Part 2 (Issues 27-30) (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Welcome back all you happy people to my review of the the Boys, specifically the X-Cruating X-Men Themed arc, We Gotta Go Now. Part one is RIGHT HERE in case you haven’t seen it. I split in in half because Tumblr REALLY dosen’t like longer posts and since I have yet to find a better platform and didn’t want to have to redo half my work like I did with two parts of my scott pilgrim retrospective, I opted to split the diffrence.

I don’t have much of an intro this time as last time I covered my issues with the book, why Garth Ennis was a poor choice for it given his admitted hatred for superhero comics even into present day, and the first four issues in which Ennis tried to satraize the x-men.. by saying they have a lot of teams, making wolverine into a gibbering moron.. again.

And rather than actually parody the x-men outside of two gags, mostly spent the time making them into racist, and one of the homophobics, gibbering assholes. So get situated with part one and then meet me back here under the cut so I can finish this monster:

Content Warning: This review contains talks of sucicide, child abuse, child abudction, rape and pedophilia, as it’s in the material i’m reviewing so if ANY OF THIS is a psychological trigger for you, please use caution reading it or skip this review for your own health.

Issue 27:

So we open with MM and the guy from last time.. Silver’s father. As it turned out “Uncle Paul” took her out for ice cream and she vanished, taken off the street with no one finding her.. revealing that Voight isn’t just finding orphans but KIDNAPPING CHILDREN. This.. is actually a valid dark take on the x-men for me. While more often than not parents actually do fuly support their children leaving with charles and if their ripped from parents it’s from an abusive home, it’s still an intresting dark take: what if Charles wasn’t asking permission but simply kidnapping children to fuel his teams. Hell the curren era actually explores this with some parents terrified of their children leaving for Krakoa and anti-mutant racists using this fear as fuel.

Anyways, Paul sadly killed himself feeling he was responsible for the incident and MM sadly leaves, now having damming info on their foes.. but knowing just how badly this broke this poor man. It’s a genuinely gripping and emotoinal scene and if the boy shad more of this and less of

Then i’d be talking about a MUCH better comic.

So meanwhile it’s st patrick’s day in new york and G-Whiz are naturally up to some drunken bullshit.

So while one of them fails to notice the diffrence between scottisha nd irish to Huey’s mild annoyance

Meanwhlie Butcher has a club soda with a bar owning budy whose reactoin to some patrons trying to enter wearing green and clearly looking to get ripped is uniquely insanely awesome...

Over the top? Perhaps but given the man is himself irish and has to watch people use his hertiage as an excuse to get shit faced, you can see why maybe he needs to throw a hatchet once in a while and given he clearly has hawkeye level percision they weren’t in any real danger.. unless they didn’t leave then Butcher would be helping bury the bodies.

So Hugie tries to reason with Buzzcut but ti’s clear he’s been too heavily indocrinated as it’s “diffrnet” since they’ve been trained all their life.. and then G-Whiz all pee in one of their memebers mouth while Blowchowchi decides to masturbate on him after.

So Hugie joins Butcher instead and we get some good character stuff: Hugie WANTS to stil lsave them as he gets these idiots have no idea of what’s approriate because they were never taught it, but Butcher says their too far gone and he needs to pull Hugie out anyway. Hugie also needles butcher on some questions.. and gets too far when he makes it clear he knows what happened with butchers wife but wisely drops it.

Back at the G-Mansion... we meet G-Coast and G-Style.... you.. you aren’t prepared for the amount of racisim your about to witness...

I was not exagerating. Even for the time this is HORRIBLY offensive, sterotypical and racist. And while I shoudln’t HAVE TO mention it, a white man should NOT be using the fucking n-word in his scripts, let alone for shit like this. He went OUT OF HIS WAY to do this. This isn’t an analog to ANYTHING x-men related. None of the team members rsemble any actual black x-men or x-men period. Garth ennis just wanted to go on a weird racist tangent about rappers. I don’t have the reaction images for this it’s just fucking vile and stupid. Easily the worst thing he’s done and as we’ve seen that threshold is vast, but introducing two teams JUST to make racist as hell sterotypes in the name of “comedy” is so fucking low he’s fallen off the fucking globe.

Not-Iceman, does his name REALLY matter given the level of names we’re dealing with? I say nay, talks about what if Silver made the right deceision but Five-Oh disagrees saying the “other stuff” , we’ll get to that, is worth the fame and that... i’m not going ot say it..

You know Five-Oh maybe she didn’t sleep with you not because she’s some “frigid bitch” as dude bros like you would say.. but because your a giant pile of dicks that somehow took the form of a human being.

WE end the issue with a long, pretty thoughtful rant on why St. Patrick’s day sucks, which comes off as a personal thing for Gath Ennis, unsuprisingly given he’s from ireland himself, but I honestly can’t blame him for it and he makes a good argument for once. They even use the grossout the series tends to lean into at times for good effect, using a barf filled st. patrick’s day bowler as an effective symbol of what the holliday’s become.

Issue 28:

We open the next issue at Stillwells office as he talks with Goodkin over the phone. Goodkin wants silver back, but Stillwell admits they CAN’T bring her back and suggests he just move on and also isn’t happy to find out via some background noise that Goodkin is training another Pre-Whiz, i.e. a kid version of G-Whiz. Goodkin also says “i don’t answer to you”.. to the man who very clearly is trying to kill him. You know Goodkin you could just put on a t-shirt under your suit jacket that says “GO ON AND KILL ME BITCH YOU AIN’T GOT THE TESTICULAR FORTITUDE”, you’d at least die faster.. probably from one of your own students given there’s a reason that shirt was banned from the manor. Lost all of the G-Pirates that day.

So we move on to Silver’s Funeral, where G-Whiz are about as respectful as you’d expect:

Blowchowski... just shove the pencil up your dick and be done with it. Given what we’ve seen with you this arc the fact you haven’t dropped trow and jammed a pencil up what I assume is an especailly tiny penis is the only suprising thing about your character.

King Helmet of G-Style gives a ulogy which is unsuprsiingly about having wanted to bang Silver when she was alive. What’s honestly more intresting is that King Helmet has one of the better names Ennis farted out.. but simply a spirit halloween roman soldier costume. While Darrick Robertson isn’t a BAD artist the designs for the various supes are just... weak. Ther’es nothing funny or interesting their just the generic superhero costumes you’d find in a dtv movie. There was no love or effort put in here and it really mutes the already dead silent parody further when instead of actually putting effort in you just sketched out the easiest costumes you could.

As for the G-Men their even less respectful.

I’m just so tired of this at this point. Again I read FIVE VOLUMES of this shit. I’m so tired of “OH THEIR A PRICK GET IT” characterization.but this arc is worse with it because we spent SO MUCH time with the g-men compared to teenage kicks. At least with Annie’s story we have a sympathetic pov. Here we’re just stuck in the room with a bunch of petty douchebags. I know the x-men infight, it is a thing with them, but come on. If your going to parody soap opera drama in these books at least make it FUNNY drama or darkly hilarious or pognaint or anything. Not just “Oh well she woudln’t suck my dick so I hate her “ or “I’m a homophobic asshat”. ‘or “I think Nightcrawler is brain damaged”.

Butcher naturally isn’t pleased to find out from Frenchie that Hugie is at the funeral with G-Wiz trying to save them, and tells frenchie to grab him asap, while Butcher rushes to join them and MM heads for the legend to get some passwords, with Butcher trusting his word.

So while that goes on Stillwell talks to his boss trying to encourage him into letting him take out the G-Men, pointing out Goodkin wanting silver back is the last straw: with the combo of this, the new pre-whiz, and whatever incident killed nubia that keeps getting bring up and we’ll find out about soon enough, it’s time to clean house and while they might loose profits if they don’t stop the g-men now, they might have to clean up something worse if they let it keep going like this.

MM uses said paswords to get into Voight’s records. It won’t last him long, their security is naturally great as any shady corp covering up a lot of horrible shit does.. i.e. all of them, but it should get him what he needs.

So the inevitable naturally happens next: G-Whiz take Hugie into the woods near the manor and having been informed of his double agent status prepare to kill him. It’s a genuinely sad scene as Hugie TRIES to talk sense into them, how they shouldn't have to want this and they can be something better.. but it’s not enough and they sick Blowchowski on him who naturally has acid vomit powers. Just like the real John Belushi. Hugie apologizes..... because he sees Frenchie and The Female behind them.

One mostly off panel murder party later, one of G-Whiz HAPPENS to be a telepath and alerts Divine about it, while back at the scene of the crime Butcher and MM show up and with one member of G-Whiz left alive, they decide to interogate the shell shocked kid: Our cliffhanger is Butcher asking him to spill or Hugie’s going to cut his throat.

29: So the Last G-Man tells his story and .. it’s genuinely heartrending and tragic, adding another horrifying lair to the dark version of the x-men. Had the Boys been more like THIS , more dark deconscurctions of various heroes with some human elements to keep it from getting too edgelord instead of just

For too damn many pages, again.. I could be talking about a masterpiece instead of this thing.

But while I won’t hesitate to rip a work to shred with my admantium claws if it’s bad enough.. I will never hestiate to give credit whre it’s do and this sequence is truly harrowing:

We find out how it is for most of the G-Kids: Goodkin finds them, plies them with candy and toys and other goodies and tells them they get to be a superhero someday. What kid WOULD turn that down?

Eventually relaity sets in and you want to leave but unsuprisingly Goodkin doesn't let the kids go instead telling them this sacrifice is what it takes to be a g-man and all that bullshit. Eventually.. the kids are indocrinated enough to buy into it, helped by being given friends in the other kids and the g-men and the ones who don’t settle in.. well as Butcher says “use your imagination”.

So thus their plied with more toys post compound v, big boy toys like drugs and porn as they grow into it, and taught to protect the brand whatever the cost.. revealing silver killed nubia to prevent a meltdown.

We then get the last piece.. and the main reason for that content warning: Goodkin rapes them. He rapes the kids, and other g-men eithe rkeep silent or join in. This did anger me when I first heard about it.. but it was because I assumed like everything ELSE ennis did with heroes it was used as an edgelord punchline. Instead with proper contect.. it’s heartbreaking. These poor kids indoctrinated, raped, abused, and made into playthings for a sick old man who keeps the cycle of abuse going constantly. It also gives a horrifying and disturbing reason WHY goodkin keeps expanding. It’s not even clearly meant to be a commentary on the x-men, it’s just a horrifying taken on them, taking a pure and fun concept.. and twisting it into something nightmarish but valid story wise. instead of using child rape just for shock he uses it to tel lthe story of a bunch of kids who were made into fucked up adults by a man who just wanted mor etoys to play with and break. It’s haunting horrifying.. and damn good writing.

It’s why I say Garth Ennis CAN write.. he’s just not very good at satire or deconstuction when the things he’s taking apar the dosen’t understand. he CAN writ ea good story.. he was just never capable of being objective enough to make THIS story as good as this all the time.

Jamal, the last g-whiz’s ending is also tearjerking as Europo punches him in the head for telling on them. But that’s just the opening Salvo. The boys are soon faced down with ALL the g-men across all franchises lead by Five-Oh, all ready to die for John Goodkin. And while Butcher’s ready to haul ass and run, Hughie?

And to Butcher’s shock the other boys fully back him in this sucidie mission because while Hugie IS doing it because he’s good and pissed at this shit.. he’s not wrong. Goodkin is unhinged, has a loyal cult and kills LOYAL members who say anything. Hugie outright infiltrated his operation. He’s not going to stop till ALL of you are dead for this or all the G-Men are. Blackmail won’t work because that will just make him want to kill you harder to preserve things. Approaching it strategically is out because they have a teleporter who just demonstrated he can kill any of you at any time unless you prepare for him. You aren’t dealing with your normal fame hungry supes, you are dealing with a ride or die CULT of supes who you just pissed off and who unlike the Seven, who have a cold war type thing with our heroes, are under NO obligation not to punch your guts out. Not only that.... Frenchie and the Female just DECIMATED an entire team with just the two of them, Butcher shows next arc he’s more than capable of taking on an even higher level team once their heavy hitter is gone, Hugie has NONE of his usual issues about killing these bastards, and MM is just as good and pissed and an experinced fighter. Bucher’s whole objection here makes no sense, epsecailly since the narrative has overly built up the boys as nearly unstoppable. In the show where they have no powers sure, makes more sense. But here while their on about the same level as the G-Men, their way more used to killing equal oponents.

So we’re about to get a cool fight scene.. when we get a subversion instead.. Voght shows up and Goodkin tells his men to stand down their clearly on their side right? Right?

Instead we get an UTTERLY BRUTAL and gory slaughter as the G-Men are gunned down, hit with stinger missles for the fliers and then, as hinted at the top of the story flamethrowered. Nothing is left, no one is spared, and the G-Men in one night are no more. As Stillwell puts it to butcher “Just so you know, we can clean up our own shit.” For once ,Butcher’s feeligns are accurate

I’m split on this conclusion. On the one hand while I do give the boys good chance.. they woudln’t of made it out of this unscathed and the boys not getting catharissi here is the point: instead of righteously taking down some cultish dickheads, they watch as these same dickheads who were robbed of a normal life are utterly and completely slaughtered.. and get a picture of just WHAT their up against. This isn’t just a show for Vought’s other teams what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, this is what happens if the BOYS press Vought too hard. It’s a big move by Stillwell, to show “We COULD wipe our asses with you ANYTIME if you stepped too far”. They wiped out an ARMY of supes in seconds, and even if they had been coming at them, still would’ve won on numbers and kit alone. As skilled as our heroes are... even with prep they would not surivive this. So while it is unsatisfying narratively.. that’s the point and it works: our heroes don’t get to right some injustice they get to watch as a bunch of rabid brainwashed dogs are put down and it’s made clear they could be next.

My issues with it besides not getting any closure, which again feels intentional so fair enough, is that it’s WAY TOO TELEGRAPHED this is supposed to be shocking and while it is horrifying, hence me not showing it to you because god damn, we spend almost a scene an issue leading up to this. We get SO MUCH SETUP that of course this is how it ends. It’d be weirder if Stillwell showed up AFTER and we got a subversion. The first scene in paticular ruins it by telegraphing the flamethrowers. It honestly woudl’ve been more effective if we didn’t have that scene and just had stillwell calmly say to contain them, leaving us wondering.. and then get this horrifying finish that shows EXACTLY what he meant. NO saving some of them, no save points just ALL of them dead in an instant. Scorched earth on this investment. Still it’s an effective scene and I’ll give Garth, flawed though it may be.

Issue 30:

Finally we’re almost done with this. Not even hiding my relief like a professional. This has been a nightmare, the only relief being I was paid very good money for this shitshow.

So we open with Stillwell cleaning up G-Whiz’s frathouse, while preparing plans: Their going to use lookalikes to help keep the G-Men afloat for now and use a preemtive strike on the manor as cover.. but eventually the fans will realize the g-men really aren’t coming back and they’ll have to take the hit. We also see Pre-Whiz, the children Goodkin was grooming next, preparing to fight... only to be darkly dropped out of a crate over iceland. GET IT BECAUSE THESE INNOCENT CHLIDREN DIED. Like it’s a joke that COULD work, i’ve seen an utterly hilarious montage of a bunch of teenagers dying over and over and over again.

youtube

See THAT’S actually funny. Pre-Whiz dying isn’t funny because.. these are a bunch of abused children who really think their going to be heroes.. getting thrown out of a plane to die as collateral. If they were older, maybe, but these are fucking toddlers getting murdered.

With Hank and Dean not only are they both 15-16, but the deaths don’t have any hint of tragedy. Their just over the top stupidity or sci fi carnage set to a pithy montage song. The show later DOES play it for tragedy when dean finds out and shockingly does not take it well at all, but it works then because it undercuts the prevoius comedy of the clone thing with the reality that this is a real person you’ve been fucking around like this without ever telling him. Ennis TRIES to mix pathos with comedy here and it just comes off terribly.

So we get some scenes with each of the boys after this: Butcher tells Hugie this can’t happen again and “We’re not here to make things better, we’re here to prevent then form getting worse”

If you don’t MAKE things better, don’t even TRY to be better people, what’s the point? Sure Hugie was HORRIBLY misguided here... but if you just go in assumign all supes are bad and not trying to get some good ones on your side so next time your standing down an army you hav ebackup, if you don’t TRY to take down Vought too and just perform triage.. what’s the point of you Billy? I get you have to do triage FOR NOW, that’s fine, but if you NEVER try to do anything better, what’s the bloody point of you?

Frenchie and the Female get a bit as he tries to stop her from going to sate her bloodlust.. but it dosen’t work and he looks on sadly as she goes in for the kill.

We get a damn good scene with Mother’s Mliik who goes to give Silver’s father closure. Will it help him? He dose’nt know.. and we don’t either. MM decides to walk back after instead of getting a ride he coudl use it. Again.. why sin’t MM, the compastionte, intresting and pragmatic character with a more unqiue backstory the lead and not the fucking cardboard cutout who decides “Eh fuck actually helping people”?

We then find out just what Butcher found out the other day as he beats it out of kessler.. he knowsl.. he’s just pissed. Silver..was a spy for Raynor. Raynor loved the idea of having her own Supe spy in the g-men, and ignored Silver’s warnings Goodkin was closing in on them. The pressure of betraying a man she loved like a father even though he sure as fuck didn’t deserve it and having to betray him as she felt things were getting out of hand literally killed her, with Raynor sending in the boys as she hadn’t gotten anything concrete out of Silver, anything she coudl use and wanted to put this to bed once and for all.

We get a scene setting up the next arc of Homelander both being informed of the g-men massacre, with the boys being blamed for it naturally, and Stillwell using it as an excuse to finally go after him. Homelander can’t since Bucher has damming evidence on him.. but another team could. One looking for some.. Payback.

We get another really good scene with Hugie and Annie, with Hugie telling her, if in vauge terms about loosing his previous girlfriend and the two cuddle. Aww

In less... good terms we end the arc with Butcher.. taking Raynor up the ass... before turning it into a threat on her family, because of course she’s cheating and her if she pulls this again. Does she deserve some compuance sure? Should ennis have framed it like sexual assault with Butcher not only on top of her with Raynor in his power, but ending on her terrfied face while he looks pleased with himself, (’m not making this up but fuck if i’m showing you something this disturbing)?

FUCK NO

Final Thoughts:

As you can probably gather I don’t like this series or arc.

For the series it tries to be extra deep then goes right to being juvinille without the nuance of something like Final Space or the Venture Bros, works that CAN blend goofy as shit with deep character work. The Boys is just too immature to make it work half the time and while it has genuine moments of greatness their smothered by so much edgelord bullsemen.

The arc itself is a mess. It’s bloated, clocking it at 8 issues and not needing all of them, with several scenes that come out like padding, from the endless scenes of Stillwell pregaming for his G-Men Genocide, to endless scenes of the g-men themselves that don’t add anything in half of them. This arc could’ve cut an issue and would’ve been better for it.

This is the least of i’ts problems though: The arc TRIES to satarize the x-men but as I should’ve bludgoned into your head forgoes actually satire and doing any research for “THERE’S A LOT OF TEAMS AND CHARLIES A RAPIST” There is a good story SOMEWHERE in there of making a dark version of the x-men where their groomed into being child soldiers by a pedophile, dark as balls but an intresting concept. But it’s drowned out by the G-men themselves being 1/2 dimensional cardboard cutouts with maybe one trait, NONE OF THEM being symapthetic enough for it to work:

G-Whiz are supposed to be.. but are homophobic frat boy douchers who aren’t given enoguh character for Hugie’s claims their just innocent kids to work. Fratboys do the kinds of things these idiots do all the time, it’s not abnormal enough for this narrative to work. The G-Men are varying shades of racist and one a homophobe and G-Style and G-Coast are some of the most racist comic book characters i’ve ever witnessed. And I’ve read comics with Fu Fucking Man Chu in them. Ennis own inablitly to actually craft comeplling or layered or symapthetic vilians makes the whole arc implode on itself. What coudl’ve been a dark version of the strangest heroes in all ends up as a limp wristed parody. What a fucking waste bub.

If you liked this review follow me for more, and if you REALLY enjoyed it and want to see me pick apart more bad comics join my patreon. Even a buck a month helps with my bills, and doing so unlocks stretch goals for more reviews, including Chuck Austen’s x-men and america. So join today if you want to see those, your joining helps get those made and will have me reviewing amphibia season 1 and both seasons of tuca and bertie as well as all of quack pack.

PATREON IS RIGHT HERE

#the boys #annie january #hugie cambell #kimiko miyashiro #billy butcher #marvin mlik #homelander #starlight #x-men #marvel #dynamite entertainment #comics #reviews #garth ennis #wolverine

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cometcrystal · 4 years

Text

favorite & least favorite scooby monsters by series

stipulations: the racist ones (zen tuo, the witch doctors, etc) would all get “least fav” by default so i’m gonna exclude them from this list so i’m not being redundant. we all know the racist ones are the worst. so these are my least favs that aren’t like. problematic.

ALSO it has to be a person in disguise OR an actual monster. it can’t be a villain that’s grounded in reality. so while i love professor huh, he doesn’t count here cause he’s a human and just Like That. likewise, i hate pericles, but he doesn’t count here cause he’s a bird and thus neither a guy in a mask nor a monster

sdway

fav - honestly a tie between the space kook and charlie. literally the GOATs. legends.

least fav - THE ZOMBIE. FUCK THAT THING I HATE IT SO MUCH IT DOES NOTHING AND YET IT GETS MERCH

new sd movies

fav - moat monster. its just a big ol frog!

least fav - the ghost of redbeard. come the fuck on guys

the rest under the cut

tsds

fav - 10000 volt ghost and the technicolor ghosts. ik theyre just recolors of the giggling green ghosts but THEYRE ICE CREAM THEMED!! the creepy heap from the deep is also scary to me like if i saw him i’d run. honorary mentions are the skeleton men bc theyre cyclops but scooby doo doesnt care about calling stuff what it is and i think its funny and also i like the pterodactyl ghost. this show had a lot of good monsters

least fav - the rambling ghost. i dont dislike him but i dont rly DISLIKE any of the monsters from this series so i just picked the sports-themed one

scooby & scrappy

fav - the star creature. this thing is SO damn cool and unique. i also like the neon phantom because... what a weird concept

least fav - the blue scarab. BORING

new scooby & scrappy

fav - i guess the great white shark wins be default because i dont really care abt any of the others from this series. this show’s strength was daphne being back, not the monsters

least fav - phantom of the soaps. what a fucking loser

new sd mysteries

im gonna keep it real with you chief! i was looking over the list of monsters and i literally dont remember a damn thing about any of them so i must have been disassociating for this entire series

13 ghosts

fav - DEMONDO. a comic book monster??? GOD thats so cool

least fav - nekara. dont take van ghoul away from his kids they need their dad

pup

fav - stinkweed cause i think its one of the only plant monsters scooby has had so far. also the design is very good

least fav - headless skateboarder. simon seville voice marijuana an unlawful substance used to experience artificial highs

wnsd

fav - the leeland brothers but i think its just because i love the chase song from that episode. also the mystery machine because i like when the mystery machine becomes evil and twisted. AND the toxic terror because fight capitalism + good design

least fav - headless snowman. it’s not even headless for god’s sake

sdmi

fav - the entity is honestly a shoo-in. name another scooby villain more evil and with as much impact. honorary mentions are the ghost truck, junk, the horrible herd, and the cicada monolith for some truly unique and scary monster concepts, and to the manticore for being marcie. sdmi had a TON of good ones

least fav - daphne’s writing wakka wakka. for real though fuck the dandy highwayman

bcsd

fav - the ghost of mother wins by FAR. probably the only tv scooby monster that actually legit creeped me out. also the rebooted space kook bc he’s had a glo up. bcsd also has a ton of good monsters!

least fav - the yeti bc the joke about it making no sense was funny but also the yeti itself doesn’t really do that much

guess who

fav - i love the just so fucked up and twisted sia. its just sia but now shes evil. ALSO the screaming skulls of london & the dinosaurs in weird al ep are very good

least fav - the man-bat because it’s not even the actual dc man-bat it’s just the fucking joker again

scrappy era movies

fav - mirror shaggy. WAY better than werewolf shaggy imo

least fav - i wish i could bash in the skulls of reluctant werewolf’s version of count dracula and his two minions

zombie island era

fav - giant turkey :) & phantom virus! extremely cool monster he’ll zap ya!

least fav - as much as i LOVE the visceral horror and discomfort when fred rips off the zombie’s head cause he thought it was a mask, i just dont care about any of the monsters in zombie island

wnsd movies

fav - the loch ness monster. GENUINELY impressive. also the ghost of cleopatra bc god queen shit. bonus points go to everything in the goblin king

least fav - the chupacabra because THE CUPACABRA IS A DEMON DOG, NOT A BIGFOOT!!! and the yowie yahoo because THE YOWIE IS A BIGFOOT, NOT A VAMPIRE!!! literally how hard is it to do a google search before you design a monster

2002 & monsters unleashed

fav - its gotta be the 10000 volt ghost again. he’s my man

least fav - THE ZOMBIE!!!!!! FUCK THIS THING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cartoon network live actions

fav - the ghosts in the first movie SO good guys theyre SO good

least fav - shelma

2010s dtv movies

fav - THE PHANTOSAUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YES & the red ghost from the bobby flay movie is also extremely good imo i LOVE its design. & the multiple phantoms in stage fright. literally name something more iconic than the multiple phantoms

least fav - the big top werewolf.......scooby doo one of the things i love most dearly about you is when you make out-of-place monsters WORK (ex. a gryphon in a stage magic movie) but i really want something more exciting for a circus movie

dtv 20min shorts

fav - cornfield clem is my boy because i never cared about scarecrows before i saw this and he made me care. he and the scarecrow in scary stories to tell in the dark both showed me scarecrows can be interesting. thank u clem i love you.

least fav - i like all these monsters but ill list the sea monster here because just drink him up lol

#scooby doo #scooby meta

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comicdiego · 3 years

Text

Hotshot.

WARNINGS: sex mentions, flirting, alcohol mentions, strippers, cussing.

PAIRING: light diego hargreeves x oc, though vague, more of a first meet.

UNIVERSE: the umbrella academy comics.

CHARACTERS: diego hargreeves, tua oc mello walker.

Mello found him rather quickly. He sat at the bar, though he wasn't drinking. His singer of a sister had seemingly ran off earlier on during all the commotion- she didn't look like she was much of a fighter- but his demons were probably what kept him here. He wears an eyepatch, and as she's walking towards him from that side, she can't see the look in his eyes, but his eyebrows are furrowed in frustration, and there's a bruise on his jaw. His arm's in a sling too. But it seems like someone just slid a shot of whiskey in front of him and hoped for the best. He hasn't even so much as touched it. Despite the grungy, bad boy rockstar look, he didn't drink. That was interesting.

Carefully, she takes the seat beside him, crossing one bare leg over the other. "Hey, Blondie." A nod towards his lengthening blonde hair, shaggy with strands messily hanging in his eye, across the eyepatch, brushing the tip of his nose. The stubble across his jaw made him look messy, but maybe that was the look he was going for. "Look at me, will you? I'll help you out a bit." "I don't need sex." Blunt and dismissive. That only made her want to talk to him more, especially when he sharply turned his gaze in the opposite direction of her. "Great, neither do I." Gently, she lifts the iced drink that he'd been given, delicately placing each ice cube in a napkin, folding them in. Then, she lightly taps the side of his jaw furthest from her, the roughness of his growing beard against her fingertips. Huffing quietly, he turns his head a little, but still pointedly glaring at the bottles behind the bar, as if he wanted to shatter each and every one of them. If looks could kill, everyone would be dead with a glance. She sets the napkin upon the bruise, and he doesn't so much as flinch. Either he's been in a lot of fights, or he was trying to seem cool. "But you do need to get patched up, don't you?" He doesn't reply, though he doesn't pull away. Instead, he finally takes a look at her, and keeps his gaze on her face, which is surprising. She only wore lingerie and a sheer robe, though it wasn't doing much for covering the black lace she wore underneath, nor her deep brown skin, with a golden tint to it. But she knows her face is pretty, even if it's not what most people look at. Dark, long eyelashes that revealed her soft emerald green eyes inherited from who knows where, because overall, she was an Indian woman. Hair black as a starless night falling over her shoulders, silky to the touch and easy to wrap around a finger. Her lips painted a deep shade of purple, whereas most women wouldn't dare, because it was a bold color. He, however, isn't what most would call attractive, but she would. Shaggy blond hair that he was clearly attempting to grow out to his shoulders, his eye a deep shade of blue, skin pale in the lights of the bar. He was built, though, as if he worked out, and fought. The hairs across his jaw growing, but he would also be just as quick to cut them if they got too long. He wore a ripped sweater that seemed more like a crop top to her, and that was a bold statement in itself- most people would call it feminine. Mello would call it daring. Or punk. Maybe both. Leather pants that clung to his legs like spandex. And the eyepatch he wore- she couldn't decide if it was for show or if something had actually happened, but it'd be rude to ask. A strange contrast, the pair of them, like night and day. Or night triumphant and her stars eternal. And yet here they were, seated, a white man and an Indian immigrant from Israel, not fighting or harassing each other. Quite the blue moon. "Well," she says, her voice smooth and delicate like honey, her tilting her head to one side as she looked at him. "Your band did well. I mean, I think so. Most of them were probably grumpy about your fashion choices and your sister's hair." He rolls his eyes at that, but she continues. "The crop top was a bold choice, but I like it. Better to be comfortable in your masculinity enough to wear what most people would claim is feminine than to not have the balls to." "Who are you?" he says finally, with a voice that comes right from the streets. Brooklyn or the Bronx, she isn't sure, but it is distinctly New Yorkian either way. There's a difference between each county in New York, and Mello hasn't learned them masterfully, but she knew them well enough. "Mello Walker. Who are you, hot shot?" Another eye roll. But he was tolerating her, even with his dickhead attitude, so it was something, wasn't it? "Diego Hargreeves." "Ah, that explains the whole 'Fuck the Umbrella Academy!' shouting at your concert." Her fingers brush across the bruise, and he watches her fingertips carefully, as if he thought she would try something. Like her fingertips were poisonous and lethal. Maybe he was just scared. "Rude, considering you're what, seventeen?" He gives a tiny nod. "We share a birthday." She comments lightly, humming as she put the ice against his skin again. She didn't want to accidently give him an ice burn, so she had to be careful. "But I'm not in the spotlight like you all are. Not sure I want to be." "No." he agrees, shaking his head. She doesn't comment on that, and maybe she's waiting for him to speak again. She likes hearing him talk, even if he didn't talk much. She liked his voice, the way his light accent laces his words and ties them together in a bow. But she knows it's a hopeless cause- he doesn't seem to like to talk first. So instead, she lets the pair of them sit in silence, until quietly, she says, "I'm not a prostitute, you know." He looks her up, then down, then returns that gaze to her face again. Not saying a word. "I'm just a stripper." She motions her free hand to the stage, where one of her friends was working. "I didn't have much of a choice. I mean, not only am I some Indian chick who isn't all perfect and white-" she then waves her hand between her arm and his, showing the variation in skin tones. "-but I'm an immigrant. From Israel." "Places the accent." He says. Calmly. He wasn't judging her, which surprised her. Normally, most people would pull away upon the word immigrant. She doesn't know why she even wanted to tell him. She was telling him too much, and the C.I.A wouldn't like that. "Why are you here?" "Foster care." What the hell, she was sure he could hold his own. "A nunnery kicked me out, and I was in Israel for a while before coming to America. Can't say I like it all. Men get too handsy, women wrinkle their noses because occupation is such an issue, and then the racists." She sighs. "It's... Not as bad as down south, I guess. I don't know." He snorts at that. "I wouldn't know what that's like." He pauses a moment, brow furrowing. "I don't know where I was born, just who I was raised by." "Does it bother you?" He shakes his head. "I have other things to worry about." "Like not dying saving the world." She lets out a quiet huff of a laugh, brushing a strand of hair from his face. He doesn't stop her until after her hand starts to fall away, and he catches her wrist, brow furrowing a little. "What?" "You're not an asshole." He says bluntly, which has her eyebrows shooting up. "Well, no, I don't think so. I'm glad someone else doesn't think so either." "No, I mean-" he sighs, stopping. "You aren't trying to get close to me for your own benefit." "Did you think I was?" He doesn't reply, which is an answer all in itself. Which isn't entirely surprising. Most people would think the same thing. Mello's a stripper, so she must always have some agenda. Money, sex, a boyfriend, a way to get out of this hellhole and live elsewhere. But most people also don't realize that she's a genuine human being underneath and not some sex doll they can jack off to later on in the day. She lets her hand drop back into her lap. "I'm just lonely, is all." She admits quietly. "It's nice to talk to people who don't see me as an object all the time. Or violent." "Violent?" "Knocked a guy on his ass for getting too handsy a few times." He laughs. Laughs. Diego Hargreeves, the Kraken, Number Two, whatever it was you wanted to call him, was laughing, and her heart was melting. His laughter was short-lived, but it was nice to hear, and she hadn't known she needed it until it happened. Normally, though, after laughing, people would take a moment to catch their breath, but... he doesn't. Huh. No, instead, he turns to her and says, "So you can fight, hotshot?" "I can." Slowly, he rises to his feet, taking the melting ice from her palm and setting it in the whiskey that had been given to him earlier on. "If you ever get lonely doing this shit, feel free to come find me. Then we'll see if you can actually fight." With that, he turns, which seems to be his goodbye, and starts walking out the door. Her gaze follows him, a slight smile on her face, her heart beating in her chest. This was a first, but she was glad for it. Glad for the fact that she now had a friend- even if he was an asshole superhero who apparently had a kinder heart than she would have thought.

#diego hargreeves x oc #diego hargreeves #comic diego #tua comics #comic tua #tua oc #the umbrella academy

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twobitmulder · 4 years

Text

In Defense of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

This may be a controversial statement. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a pretty good movie--and at that--isn’t all that incongruous with the rest of the franchise. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull came out when I was 12--but because I’d been raised on the first three movies (and the Marvel and Darkhorse Comics and the Young Indy Show) I was a pretty big Indy fan already. I don’t actually remember what I thought of the movie when I saw it in theaters, but I remember the opinion that formed afterwards.

Very quickly the rest of the world had decided this was a bad movie--an unworthy followup that ruined the “ride into the sunset” ending of Last Crusade (in addition to invalidating a such a meaningful title). As a teenager I was perfectly willing to agree because when you’re a teenager there’s some kind of genetic impulse to agree with anyone who says something is lame. The best thing I ever said about it in those years was that it felt like someone’s very good fanfic--well plotted, fun action, a little derivative of the previous movies, and fulfilling the wish that Marion would come back and she and Indy would end up together but ultimately not really feeling like a “true” Indy movie (whatever the hell that means). In the years since, I’ve come around on it, and after my latest rewatch of the whole saga I’ve come to the conclusion that I actually really like it and I think it fits nicely thematically and aesthetically with the other three. Now if you truly don’t like it, that’s fine. Movie opinions aren’t moral imperatives but if you’re interested in a positive spin on it, read on.

One of the major arguments was that it didn’t “feel” like Indiana Jones. The 50′s aesthetic, the Soviet villains and most of all the aliens (sorry, inter-dimensional beings)...and yeah, it’s a little incongruous at first blush. Obviously it had to be set in the 50′s because Harrison Ford was old and already playing almost a decade younger than his actual age. The color pallet is a little weird too, more vibrant than the other movies and the CGI is distractingly 2008 but...I don’t think any of that is actually out of line with the first three movies. Indiana Jones was always set in a cartoon/comic book universe. For Pete’s sake in Raiders there’s a giant, perfectly round boulder that chases him. That is literally ripped out of a Scrooge McDuck comic. In Temple of Doom there’s a big musical number and in Crusade Young Indy escapes via magic trick. Indiana Jones was always an amalgam of things from old adventure stories. On that note, I’d like to take a moment to defend Mutt’s vine swinging. Now, it’s a weirdly staged scene and if it doesn’t work for you I totally get it, but Tarzan is just about the last classic adventure story Indy never took from. It may not have worked for everyone, but it’s exactly the kind of gamble they took with the boulder.

Now...the aliens. Fate of Atlantis did Aliens long before Crystal Skull but that’s neither here nor there. I think what eventually won me over to the aliens was that they were classic Roswell Greys in a flying saucer. To make my point, let me refer to another property--comic and movie--that are throwbacks in the same way Indy is. In the Rocketeer (both the comic and movie) he fights a bad guy modeled on horror actor Rondo Hatton and in the comic his girlfriend is basically just Bettie Page with a slightly different name. And we accept this because it’s a fun nod to the period and stories that inspired it and if the Rocketeer made it to the 50′s it would make all the sense in the world for him to encounter Roswell Greys in flying saucers. Same for Indy as far as I’m concerned. As for the existence of aliens at all...Like I said, it’s a comic book world that has an active Abrahamic God, active Hindu gods and if we take the Young Indy as canon vampires (and if we take the comics as canon Greek gods, Dragons, Mesoamerican gods, Celtic gods and even some borderline Lovecraftian “old gods” out in the arctic). Saying aliens don’t make sense in this universe is like saying magic shouldn’t exist in the DCU because it’s more heavily weighted toward aliens and sci-fi.

Now, I think that a lot of what makes this all feel wrong is the special effects, which definitely make it all feel less grounded than the previous films. I don’t deny that and I do wish they had kept the effects a little more practical--but my real point is that the things that feel silly, cartoony, or corny are all really still in line with the stuff from the old movies--it’s just that those were constrained by technology and for better or worse these weren’t. So Marion drives off a cliff--Indy rafted out of a plane. So Mutt swings on vines--Indy got chased by a Scrooge McDuck Bolder. So some CGI prairie dogs have a cartoonish reaction the rocket sled going by--a f**king monkey did a Nazi salute, silly animal antics are baked into this franchise’s DNA. Basically, it was always silly and over the top--the practical effects just convinced us it wasn’t.

Now, in the interest of fairness, there’s a fair amount I don’t care for and can’t really defend or spin another way. The Ancient Aliens hypothesis is a stock plot in stories like this but it is--ask any archaeologist or folklorist--absolutely steeped in and birthed from racist ideas that non-white cultures couldn’t achieve the things they did. I’m not saying the filmmakers were actively racist--I think they took a stock plot that needs to die and didn’t consider the implications, but it puts a damper on the movie. And the portrayal of indigenous people in this movie absolutely leaves something to be desired (understatement). It’s a problem with the colonialism that’s baked into the genre and I don’t think it’s unavoidable but I do think it’s far too easy to slip into writing a movie like this and it’s a problem all of the Indy Movies have.

Also, yes, the fridge scene is dumb. It stretches suspension of disbelief just a rope bridge too far. Spielberg and Lucas are really creative and talented men who also come up with a lot of silly ideas and sometimes one gets past the goalie. It happens. And, again, the CGI is jarring, no two ways about it.

But this is also the movie where Indy and Marion get back together and get married. This is a movie where we get to see a good balance Indy the Professor and Indy the Adventurer. He’s past “fortune and glory” but he still still gets giddy looking at all the history stored in Akator. This is a movie where we see and Indy who has actively grown since the past movies, he’s not a glory seeker and he repaired his relationship with his father but there’s still something missing and in the end he gets it. Also, Shia Labouf is not a bad actor and was, in fact, fairly good in this. Look at how he tears up in the sanitarium when he realizes what’s happened to Oxley. Look at how even after a fight with his parents in the Soviet convoy he’s able to jump into action mode because survival trumps personal issues in that moment. Look at how he cares for Oxley and Marion in all the group shots. It’s not a perfect movie...it’s not the best of these movies, but I think it’s better than we’ve been giving it credit for.

#Indiana Jones #Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

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mst3kproject · 4 years

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The Devil’s Eight

The nasty misanthropic Ross Hagen revenge movies were among my least favourite episodes of MST3K, so it’s no surprise I haven’t done one as an Episode that Never Was. But this blog isn’t about movies I like, it’s about movies that were or should have been on the Satellite of Love. The Devil’s Eight is from American International Pictures, and as well as Hagen it features Leslie Parrish, whom you’ll remember as Ev from The Giant Spider Invasion, and Cliff Osmond, whom you probably don’t remember as the Sheriff in Hangar 18. And on a super-duper-extra-promising note, it was written by Willard Huyck, who did the script for American Graffiti… but also for Howard the Duck.

FBI Agent Faulkner has been assigned to arrest a powerful crime lord. Several of his colleagues have already tried this mission and been killed, so rather than use fellow agents, he frees a bunch of criminals from a chain gang and forces them to be his underlings, because we’re here to rip off The Dirty Dozen and we don’t care if it makes sense. Driving specially souped-up cars, this unwashed and unshaven bunch infiltrate the crime boss’ moonshine operation only to realize that he’s set a trap for them. The movie climaxes in a free-for-all of shooting, driving, and blowing shit up, and I have no idea what was happening for most of it but Ross Hagen got to hug his girlfriend at the end so it must have worked out okay.

My number one complaint about The Devil’s Eight (and I have many) is that there is only one piece of music in the entire film. It’s a repetitive and obnoxiously catchy two-line melody that is arranged in a dozen different ways, attempting to sound ominous, mischievous, romantic, dramatic, and so forth, but the only thing it ever actually does sound like is comical old west saloon music. It repeats through the whole hour and forty minutes of the movie and then we have to hear a ditty about the characters sung to the same tune over the end credits. I can already tell it’s gonna be in my head for days and it’s making me want to stab something.

From the beginning, The Devil’s Eight is very badly constructed. We start with the prison break, which was probably a good idea, and follow it until the surprise moment when they find the helicopter there waiting for them. This scene is weirdly reminiscent of its counterpart in Starcrash and I assume both of them stole it from some better movie. Once they’re in the chopper, however, we segue into a flashback of Faulkner and his boss talking about the mission. Skipping back in time to a couple of guys talking in an office totally derails the momentum the first scene built up. We want to know what’s going on, but the same information could have (and partially was) imparted by Faulkner talking to the rest a moment later!

When he does talk to them, he is maddeningly vague about what their plan is. It involves secretly armored cars and throwing grenades while driving them – we can gather that much from the montages that follow. The ultimate goal is to find a guy named Burl, who brews his own moonshine and apparently ‘owns’ most of the cops and politicians in wherever this is, and whom we know nothing about until the movie is half over. When things finally do start happening, we still don’t really know what they’re trying to accomplish, and we’re not sure the characters are. Faulkner acts like he knows what he’s doing, and the other guys (and the audience) just have to take that on faith.

In addition to telling us what the hell the characters are trying to accomplish, the first third or so of the movie should be spent getting to know them and setting up their arcs. The Devil’s Eight tries to do this but it’s pretty half-assed about it. There’s Sonny, the drunk troublemaker, who resolutely refuses to evolve even at gunpoint. There’s Chandler, the guy who is trying to better himself by giving up violence and reading the bible. He turns out to be the most brutal hand-to-hand fighter of the lot, absolutely creaming half of Burl’s guys in a barfight, but he’s given no resolution to his desire for a pacifist lifestyle and is gunned down moments after admitting he doesn’t know whether to believe in god or not. And there’s Henry and Billy Jo, the black guy and the bigot (respectively), who learn to appreciate each other. I have to give this arc a couple of grudging points for ending with Henry weeping over Billy Jo’s dead body rather than the reverse… congratulations, guys, you were slightly less racist than you could have been.

The character with the biggest personal investment in this and the one who tries to have a real story arc is Ross Hagen’s Frank. He used to work for Burl until, for unknown reasons, Burl framed him for murder, killed his younger brother, and stole his girlfriend. He’s now itching for revenge and is personal stake in the mission leads him to take charge and enforce order when the others try to rebel against Faulkner. That sounds like a pretty good storyline for the main character in a movie.

Then they blow it. When Faulkner tells him they have to bring Burl in alive, Frank gets mad and insists he deserves to die. Then, like that other Frank in T-Bird Gang, he gets no resolution for it. The audience expects him to have a moment of confrontation with Burl and then either kill him or decide not to do so. The final confrontation, however, is between Burl and Faulkner, while Frank just fucking stands there. It seems incomprehensible when it’s his girlfriend Burl is threatening to shoot.

This scene also has a perfect opportunity to pay off another thing The Devil’s Eight set up earlier – there’s a scene in which Faulkner demonstrates his skill as a marksman by putting three holes in a target without hitting the man who is reaching to take the target off its stand. When Burl began threatening to shoot Frank’s girlfriend, Faulkner stood up and I was sure we were going to get a payoff for that, with Faulkner shooting Burl in the leg or the hand to make him let go of the woman, without hitting her. But instead, Faulkner just drops his gun and walks forward to parlay! It’s a failure of Chekov’s gun with an actual gun in it.

I think Faulkner is supposed to be the actual main character. He’s in charge, after all, and he’s the one who gets things like flashbacks and climactic confrontations. The problem with this is that Faulkner never learns anything, never grows, and we get no insights into his character. He’s just a huge asshole to everybody from his girlfriend to the prisoners to the rookie agent the FBI sent to assist him (this character’s age is never established. He’s implied to be young and naïve, but he’s played by an actor who looks like he’s around forty). Faulkner’s final line is not to place Burl under arrest, although that’s coming, but to make fun of him.

If Faulkner is a crummy hero, Burl is a terrible villain. We don’t even meet him until the movie’s half-over, which I guess is supposed to build suspense. The problem is that until that moment, we have seen nothing to tell us what kind of threat he represents. Characters have talked about it, but that’s all. We got a vague impression of a local crime king, but when Burl actually arrives in the narrative he’s a Joe Don Baker-looking guy who lives in a ramshackle log cabin in the middle of nowhere, with a bunch of other hillbillies who differ from him mostly in being dirtier. All he seems to actually do is sit around eating. He never comes across as threatening, just as a hick with pretensions.

Without a compelling hero, a threatening bad guy, or much of an idea what this is all even building to, where does that leave The Devil’s Eight? It’s an over-long movie about dirty men driving huge cars and punching each other. The movie had plenty of time that could have gone into rising action and establishing character and playing up Burl’s threat and so forth, but instead it’s just training montages of driving and punching. Once the actual plan is in motion that turns out to be just more driving and punching as they run Burl’s moonshine deliveries off the road. The driving scenes are set to that annoying single piece of music that sounds more comical than exciting, the bluescreen backgrounds are dire, and the actors are utterly incapable of making their fake driving look anything but fake.

Everybody in the entire movie is filthy, by the way. I don’t know if this is actually supposed to invoke the ‘dirty’ part of The Dirty Dozen, or if it’s an attempt to show how rough and tough these guys are, but they’re all grimy, sweaty, and gross. I could almost smell them through the screen.

MST3K would have had a great time with The Devil’s Eight. I can picture Crow and Tom trying to make their own moonshine… Mike tastes it and doesn’t like it but tries not to insult them, and then they reveal it’s distilled from things like old o-rings and Joel’s socks. And I know exactly what the stinger would have been, too. There’s a bit where Burl and Faulkner are attempting to size each other up over dinner, and Burl orders Frank’s ex-girlfriend to mind her manners and give Frank a slice of her inexpertly-iced cake. I don’t know why this is so funny, but I don’t know what made half the stingers in the series funny, so there you go.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the devil's eight #the devil's 8 #60s

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literaphobe · 4 years

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that's so AWESOME, being a polyglot sure as hell is hot! and such an advantage with korean fanart! If you don't mind, which one is your favourite (for writing, speaking, listening)? When talking, do you alternate between the three of them?? Which one do you think is the easiest? Any anecdote involving language?? How do you got interested in learning korean?? i don't know, id like to read more about it asdkdj

hehe sometimes i see the korean spop art n comics on twitter and they will have some like english translation and i will feel like an insider because i will look at the original korean one and know what it Really says

also! english is the language i’m technically the most proficient in? but when i speak to family n friends who speak english and chinese i tend to code-switch! it is fun and also my parents used to make me terrified of chinese because they would scold and belittle me constantly for not speaking it well when i was like in my preteens to teens (even tho it was their fault! for almost exclusively speaking english to me because english proficiency is an advantage and is prioritized in my country). but my mom now admits i speak chinese well <3 i don’t necessarily know all the words but whatever i say tends to come out nice <3 also with korean.... mmm its hard to get opportunities to speak it because i don’t know anyone who can speak korean with me <3 i feel very shy about using it <3 there was a period of time tho when i spoke korean to my dogs for fun it was funny

between english chinese and korean..... it’s interesting because english and chinese both for the most part follow the SVO (subject verb object) sentence structure, whereas korean follows a SOV (subject object verb) sentence structure. BUT english and korean both have an alphabet (its why i learnt how to read korean in like! idk an hour i’m guessing) whereas chinese does not </3 its a... [big sigh] pictorial language. so each character is some new fucking picture you gotta learn. SUCH a bitch in oral examinations because sometimes u will just come across a word that u don’t know! never seen that shit before! so u don’t know how to read it <3 so it’s like a guessing game where there is every chance you will be completely wrong <3 so sometimes u gotta fucking <3 pretend the word doesn’t exist <3 or make up your own pronunciation <3 i remember sitting in a hall once with two of my malay friends and they were moaning about how scared they were because what if they pronounce stuff wrong :( and i’m like aw :( well :( but at least u have an alphabet :( which is like the same letters as the one in english :( that’s like safer right because how wrong can u go? and they’re like ok but u see :( the word could be said slightly different as compared to how its spelt :( and i’m like oh <3 that must be so hard <3

and the thing is u see. they learnt exactly how much easier they had it. because our school had this program where they made the chinese students learn malay and the students who spoke malay, hindi, tamil, basically everyone who was not chinese. they had to learn chinese </3 and that was honestly like a racist hate crime, because after class my friends would come up to me on the verge of tears like. michelle :’( HOW are you doing this. chinese class is so scary we hate it why must we memorise every new character. and me, who got second in class for malay (the ONLY reason why i didn’t get first was because i forgot what ‘yellow’ was in malay. and now i will always remember it is ‘kuning’. anyway my malay teacher was BEAUTIFUL and she told me i got full marks for reading because i said everything perfectly. i did not understand a single word of the malay passage i was reading <3) was like i am so sorry :( you do not deserve this :(

anyway its a hate crime to make a person learn english and chinese because imo those are two of the most different languages in the world :) its why white people fucking suck at chinese. and honestly so do most chinese american like. actors. ever seen a movie where they speak chinese? most times they are speaking it horribly <3 anyway, learning korean was really interesting because of how it strengthened my chinese! like, because a lot of korean words came from chinese (there are korean words taken from japanese too. because. well. lmao) and the korean alphabet was literally invented because traditional han characters (written chinese) was too fucking hard. even the chinese people realized traditional chinese was too fucking hard and decided to make simplified chinese. like make those pictures less complicated!

the reason why i learnt korean was because. of this korean variety show called running man. it is the most internationally recognized korean variety show. so what this show is is like. there is a main cast made up of actors, singers, and comedians. and they are forced to compete against each other/team up to achieve a common goal, through playing various games and stuff with a final objective that involves someone winning/getting punished. it’s a little hard to explain, but they’re like an irl found family trope (while also being fictional? because they essentially play characters on that show that are like exaggerated versions of themselves) with EVERY AU ever. like seriously think of a concept they’ve probably done it. high school, super powers, super heroes, aliens, college students, olympic athletes, sherlock holmes, james bond, chess, etc etc etc. so an example of this would be like the staff will tell the members “this week you are the drama department in the high school and you are competing against the athletics department to determine who is the best club in the school” and they’ll have to do it. and sometimes the cast gets really into the theme of the ep and its really funny when they gotta Act to sell something. anyway they also have this game which the show invented called ‘nametag ripping’ so essentially on their backs everyone has a name tag stuck to their clothes with velcro and you have to rip off the nametags of other people. the cast in this show has incredible chemistry so the banter is amazing and very funny. i also have to admit i additionally liked the show because two of the members had this ‘best enemies, best collaborators’ chemistry that i found very compelling and fun to watch. so i started learning korean so i could get what they were saying without subs ie watch the show live. and i guess my parents found that impressive which is why my mom constantly nags me to learn more languages. which. is not gonna happen because i have adhd <3 and the thing about me is. i won’t say i’m a genius. but i can do anything so long as i want to do it. its the worst superpower to have <3 so anyway. that’s why i know korean i guess! sorry this is so long

#ask #hahaha #Anonymous

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trashcankitty12 · 4 years

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Favorite Character Tag Game

was tagged by @darkpoisonouslove. This is going to be interesting.

Rules: name ten favourite characters from ten different things (TV, movies, books, etc.), then tag ten people.

1. Ziva David- NCIS

This woman right here made me see the different depths of badassery that women in writing can have if they’re written correctly. (Not all of her story lines were perfect. But she was both vulnerable and strong and a fighter and dancer and just all around amazing. I love this woman so much, and her actress is even more incredible than her character. Cote de Pablo, just in case you were wondering...)

2. Leia Organa- Star Wars (The Original Trilogy)

Strong, passionate... And perhaps one of the first women to have me come face to face with my sexuality... Leia was brilliant and sassy and she was kind. I just... I loved her. (And Carrie Fisher too. May she rest in peace and smile upon us.)

3. Flora- Winx Club (Seasons 1-4, because the others should have been better written, dammit. They had good ideas, just bad execution.)

It was a toss up between her and Griffin, and since I sort of fell for Flora first, here we are. I loved her soft-spoken nature, but how she never let anyone disregard her. She wasn’t as combative as the others, but damn if she didn’t let her anger go from time to time when it was necessary. I just absolutely loved how accepting she was of people and how much she tried to help when she could. (And yes, I do prefer the 4!Kids voice acting... But the one from the newest season wasn’t SOOOO bad.)

4. J’onn J’onzz- Justice League/Justice League Unlimited

The Martian Manhunter, also known as J’onn J’onzz. My favorite comic book man and my favorite ALL-TIME superhero. He can shapeshift, fly, read minds, and has superstrength. He’s soooo smart and he tries so hard to be gentle and to fit in with the rest of the group... I just love him so much. (Also, Carl Lumbly’s voice acting for J’onn was A+.)

5. Lena Luthor- Supergirl

I love Lena so much. And I just... Identify so strongly with her. A family that doesn’t seem to care about anything but expectations and having to live up to those expectations and then shattering them. She’s not an evil Luthor, dammit, and she does so hard to prove it. If only they’d see the world through her eyes... Most of the time. (Well aware of the current season’s shit... Gotta say though, if we’re back against a wall like she is, it’s hard to know what we’d do.)

6. Captain Cold/Leonard Snart- The Flash

He’s brilliant, he’s sassy, and he’s very much morally gray. (Yes, he’s a thief. But he also has rules about who he steals from and what he steals.) Mostly he looks out for himself and his sister only, but from time to time, when the situation calls for it, he can be known to be protective of others.

And can we talk about his fashion sense? When he’s staking out places and walking around in his more... “Blend-in” suits, hot damn. I’d love to have suits like that.

Also, he’s punny from time to time. Who doesn’t love a good pun?

(Wentworth Miller has no reason to have such pretty eyes either. I may be a lesbian, but hot damn those eyes of his. And the widow’s peak....)

7. Mick Rory/Heatwave- DC’s Legends of Tomorrow

Okay, so Mick is, pardon the pun, a hot head.

From what we’ve noticed on the show, he has many, many bad qualities. He does... But he’s so much smarter than what people give him credit for and he’s a great engineer and good at coming up with schemes to help his fellow Legends. (And himself.)

He’s against inequality. (In his own words, he hates everyone equally, but he’ll dare you to say something homophobic or racist in front of him. He’s killed people for less. Literally.)

He loves pointing out flaws in the system and exploiting them from time to time, but his favorite approach is the direct approach. (He’d love nothing more than to just roast everyone alive and be done with it.)

Mick is also a secret romance novelist. And a damn good one at that. (Secret softies are my favorite okay?)

8. Maze/Mazikeen- Lucifer

Another of my secret softies. Maze is direct, kind of scary, and completely loyal to the ones she cares about. (And she adores little Trixie with all her heart and will probably rip out the throat of her first ex-significant other whenever the time comes.)

Maze is skilled as a bounty hunter and in many supernatural based things. She was also a skilled torturer in Hell. (And again, secret softy.)

She’s pansexual and has no qualms getting with whoever catches her eye in the moment. (And has had her heart broken a time or two, but haven’t we all?)

9. John Constantine- Constantine

Currently he’s on Legends of Tomorrow, but he had his own show for a bit. And let me tell you, I love this snarky bisexual disaster of a man.

First episode of his own show and he’s checked himself into an asylum and the director is like “Your business card says you’re a master of the occult and dark arts?”

“Yeah.... I’ve been needing to change that. It’s all bollucks really. I’m more of a damn dabbler these days.”

And yes... He’s a chain-smoker and almost always half-drunk... But he’s got a good heart and he tries his best with what he’s got....

(He and Lucifer actually have an interesting relationship if you read the comics... Yes, the Lucifer from the show Lucifer. They’re part of the same universe.)

Constantine’s sass and disaster energy and off the wall ideas just... They give me life.

10. Amethyst- Steven Universe

Amethyst is someone else I really identify with. Just because she’s small and compact doesn’t mean she won’t pack a punch. And just because she wasn’t there for the original war, doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to fight for her home.

She often feels... Less than compared to Pearl and Garnet, but she masks it well with a ‘devil-may-care’ demeanor and a jokester attitude.

There’s so many levels to Amethyst, but what I love is how she just loves life. Even when things get rough for her, she does her best to find something to love and cling too. I love her so much.

Tagging: @meluisart, @electra-jolts-magnetism, and whoever else wants to do this.

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blackmissfrizzle · 5 years

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Truth Hurts

Title: Truth Hurts

Characters: Dean x black!reader, Sam, Chuck, and Castiel

Summary: Dean finds out that the reader knows he cheated on her with Anna.

A/N: a companion fic for A Match Made in Hell. I’ll be doing more of these to detail Dean’s and the reader’s relationship at different times. Also, no tags this time. I’ll probably update later.

Based off episode 4x18

“I’m full-frontal in here, dude.” Dean complained as he read the newly discovered books about your lives.

This was supposed to be a regular case. The three of you went to a comic book store, investigating for a case, when the clerk asked if you were LARPing and then proceeded to tell you about the ‘Supernatural’ books.

Now you were sprawled in the bed with Dean, reading about your confession of love to Dean before he went to Hell. Whoever this Carver Edlund guy was, he sure did have a way with words.

Sam was sitting at the table with his laptop delving into the ‘fandom’ of Supernatural. Dean took the laptop and to his pleasure he found out there were some Dean girls, but he lost it when he found out there was some Dean/Sam girls. Hey, to each their own.

Most of the feedback on you was positive. They loved that you were a total badass, but some were rightfully pissed that you lied about your family lineage to the boys. There were some racist trolls, because God forbid a black girl gains the attention of one of the world’s perfect specimen. Oh, if they only knew the truth about their precious Dean Winchester.

“Do people really think you and Sam make a better couple? This is blasphemy!” Dean slammed Sam’s laptop in annoyance.

You had to give it to Dean, he put on a good performance. He almost convinced you he was the perfect boyfriend, but you remembered that you caught him with Anna unbeknownst to him.

“Hmmm, I think me and Sam would make a cute couple.” Sam smirked at his older brother and Dean had to hold himself back from smacking it off his face.

Dean pulled you out of your seat and into his lap. He gave you a kiss, which you didn’t return with as much enthusiasm and it was becoming more frequent. After, you guys find Carver Edlund, Dean decided he would talk to you to figure out what’s going on.

Thanks to proving you were ‘super fans’ of Supernatural and a bit of oversharing from the publisher you were able to find Carver Edlund aka Chuck Shurley.

Sam, Dean, and you find yourselves knocking on the door of a cute little house. When Chuck first answered the door he thought you three were playing a joke when Dean introduced y’all. He still thought it was a joke when you showed him the arsenal in Baby’s trunk. It wasn’t until Dean said his last name and you switched your eyes to black did he believe you.

You found yourself with Sam and Dean, in Chuck’s quaint home that was littered with empty beer bottles.

“Oh, you’re still there!” Chuck jumped when he turned around to you three.

“Yup.”

“You’re not a hallucination?”

“Nope.” Dean popped the p while standing there irritated.

Soon, Chuck went on a rant that he was a cruel and capricious God. He kept detailing almost every awful thing that happened to the boys and then asked them if they truly lived through certain events.

“And you,” Chuck steered his gaze towards you. “All those nightmares about hell and then to find Dean cheating on you with an angel no less!”

You couldn’t stop Chuck from revealing your secrets, but the murderous look on your face told him that he made a big mistake.

“I’m sorry, I…I…I forgot he didn’t know yet.” Chuck immediately apologized. He knew your powers could get out of control if you were extremely emotional and he didn’t want to be a target.

Too bad for Chuck, you were embarrassed and pissed. The boys were looking at you with pity and you needed to get out of there fast. You stormed out the house, ignoring Dean’s pleas and when you slammed the door you sent objects flying off the shelves with your powers.

Dean gripped Chuck by the collar, upset with him for revealing his big mistake but more upset that he knew he just broke whatever he had with you.

Sam pulled him back, even though all he wanted to do was punch Dean himself. “C’mon dude, let him go.”

After everything settled down, Chuck explained what he was writing next. He told the brothers that he wrote himself into the book confronted by his characters.

You were pacing down the sidewalk, trying to rid yourself of the anger when the boys came out. Sam threw you an apologetic look before he got into the Impala.

Dean reached for your hand, but you moved to escape his reach and he knew right then he lost you.

“I don’t wanna talk about it. Not now. I just wanna figure out how Chuck is doing what he does and do a bit of laundry, ok?” You kept your gaze hard, you didn’t want Dean to know he had this much of an affect on you. He shooked his head yes and dropped the topic. Dean knew better than to push your buttons when you’re already pissed.

At the laundromat, Dean was reading the transcript that Chuck gave him. He was exactly describing the scene before you. It captured your irritated bitch face and Sam’s brooding shoulders.

Needing some space from Dean you exited the laundromat, but not too long after Dean followed you.

“What did Shurley mean by nightmares?” Dean asked barely above a whisper. He knew it was better to ease into his infidelity instead of jumping in.

Not making eye contact with your boyfriend, you fumbled with the bracelet he gave you. “When you came back, I started having nightmares. They started once we slept in the bed together. At first, I didn’t know what they were, but soon I figured out it was your time in hell. I saw everything, Dean!” Tears were streaming down your face.

“I saw how Alistair cut into you and tortured you. How he would use my face, Sam’s, and Bobby’s, to mess with you. I saw and felt everything! I felt your joy when you took Alastair’s deal and jumped off the rack to put bodies on and torture.”

Dean’s adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to contain his own tears. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

You wiped away a tear and gave Dean a dry laugh. “Because I was trying to do the healthy thing and let you tell me on your own time. I didn’t want to make you talk until you were ready. But it turns out you just didn’t want to talk to me. I should’ve known better. Eventually, you couldn’t wait on me any longer and you would go back to your usual type.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Y/N I did not sleep with Anna because we haven’t had sex yet or because she’s supposedly my type.”

“Then why?”

Dean hung his head in guilt and licked his lips before he answered. “Because she got it. She told me she knew about what happened in hell and I shouldn’t blame myself. Y/N, I thought if I told you I would lose you forever and I can’t bear the thought without you in my life.”

This time you made no attempt to wipe away your tears. You looked at Dean through blurry eyes and replied with venom in your voice. “Well, great job Winchester, you just lost me.”

Each of you stared at the other, mourning the loss of your relationship. Sam came out the laundromat and looked guilty for interrupting the intimate moment. “Ummm, Chuck called he said there’s an emergency.”

Grateful for the interruption, you ran to grab your laundry and went to Baby. When you met up with Chuck, he told you that Lilith was coming and she and Sam were going to have sex in ”…throes of fiery demonic passion.” Ugh, disgusting!

It turned out that Lilith is not possessing a child anymore and was now a dental hygienist. Well, at least according to Chuck she was hot.

Sam laughed at the idea of him and Lilith together, but Dean didn’t find it funny. I’m fact, he took Chuck’s transcript as a ‘what not to do’. There’s was no research for Sam, no bacon cheeseburger for Dean , no fighting between the brothers, and no refereeing for you. But all that went to hell. The waitress accidentally gave Dean the wrong burger, the boys managed to argue in a calm manner, and you still ended up getting in the middle while scrolling through your phone.

All three of you had your own mission to avoid Chuck’s vision. Sam had to stay locked up in the motel room, Dean had to park his car to avoid driving around in it all day, and you had to stay away from your father, which should be easy.

After Dean left you and Sam in the motel room, Sam tried to get you to talk about your feelings and he even gave you the puppy-dog eyes, but you couldn’t do it. So, you left the room and somehow ended up at a park bench.

Suddenly you felt an unwanted presence next to you. You were about to pull out your gun, but someone gripped your wrist before you could. That someone was your demon father.

“How did you find me?”

“I was monitoring your power usage, since someone doesn’t call.” He nudged your shoulder.

Rolling your eyes, you scooted further away from him. “Maybe someone would call you if you didn’t murder their mother and try to make them lead a demon army.”

“You got a point. But I’m here to talk.” He gave you a fatherly pat on your knee. “Before Alistair untimely death due to your boyfriend and his brother.”

“Yeah, it’s a shame he died before his time,” you dramatically rolled your eyes.

“Anyway, before he died he told me that a certain Winchester slept with that fallen angel. And as a father, I’m trying my hardest not to rip his throat out.” Your father’s eyes flashed to black for a millisecond.

It must’ve been keeping your emotions bottled up, because you ended up sobbing in your father’s lap. Despite being a demon, your father was soothing and held you.

For a moment, you believed you two were a regular father and daughter until a ping from your phone brought you back to reality. Dean texted you, saying that you needed to come back to the motel room ASAP.

“Winchester calls and you just drop everything and go running, huh?” Your father was angry at how fast you moved for Dean.

“You has to ruin the moment. Just don’t bother contacting me anymore.” You were walking away when your dad left you with one parting statement.

“It’s inevitable, Y/N. We’ll break all the seals and you’ll be fighting on our side one way or another. Stop tricking yourself into thinking you’re a hunter or a conduit of good. Hell, Dean even slept with a literal angel before you. Maybe he knows deep down that someday you’ll reach your true demonic potential.”

Anxiety, fear, and tears suffocated your throat. Your dad said all the things you feared ever since you met the Winchesters. Not trusting your voice, you flipped the bird at your dad.

By the time you got back, Sam and Dean were arguing. Supposedly, Chuck was a prophet and everything he writes comes true. Oh, you guys were screwed. Dean was bent on leaving town before Lilith got there, but Sam wanted to take the opportunity and fight.

The fight was getting bad, Dean brought up how Sam’s been using his psychic powers to kill Alistair and you took that as your cue to leave the room. Sometimes it was best not to get in the middle of their fights.

Leaning against Baby and drinking some water, you were contemplating your life with the Winchesters when Dean came storming out the room.

“Sam’s stuck on staying?”

Dean wiped down his face in frustration. “Yeah. He’s just ugh.” Dean finally took in your demeanor and noticed the puffiness of your eyes. He reached to grab your hand and this time you didn’t pull away.

“I’m gonna take a guess here, according to Chuck, you should’ve met with your demonic daddy. How that go?”

“Surprisingly good. He threatened to rip your throat out and I might just take him up on that. Then, he had to rant on about my silly demonic potential. You know the usual stuff.” You waved your hand in dismissal.

Dean opened up hid mouth to apologize, but you stopped him. “I don’t need your apology. After this I’m gonna go to Bobby’s and help him find out how to stop the breaking of the seals.”

The fluttering of angel wings broke the uneasy silence between you and Dean after your declaration. Dean begged his angelic friend to find some way to interfere, but Cas claimed it was fate. However, in so many words Castiel suggested we get Chuck near Lilith and an archangel would come.

With the threat of getting shot, Chuck complied with the plan and you guys succeeded. Lilith smoked out of her meat suit and Sam was saved.

Immediately you grabbed your duffle bag and your car keys. You felt a tug on your bag before you could throw it in the trunk.

“I’m not gonna apologize again because I know you don’t want to hear it now and I’m not gonna beg you to stay with me, because you deserve better. Just please let me know when you get to Bobby’s.” Although, Dean didn’t say those words, his green eyes did. You could feel his apology but you didn’t want to accept it, you were still angry at him and yourself.

Swallowing back some tears, you gave Dean a head nod and continued to pack up. Once you got settled into your driver’s seat is when you finally replied to your boyfriend/ex-boyfriend. “Thanks. I’ll let you know when I make it. And umm,” you were fiddling with your keys to rid yourself of your nervous energy. “I’m gonna use this time to figure out want I wanna do with our relationship, k.”

Dean slowly smiled at his chance to earn you back. “That all I can ask for sweetheart.”

You pull out of the parking lot and kept your eyes in the rear view mirror to look at Dean until he disappeared from your view.

#black!reader #dean winchester x black!reader #dean x black!reader #spnfamily #spn fanfic #supernatural fandom #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #spnfandom #spn #dean winchester x you #dean winchester #castiel #sam winchester #chuck supernatural #chuck shurley

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arosmith-zeppelin · 4 years

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General Thoughts on TUA Season 2

Spoilers!

Okay so I really liked that fight scene at the beginning

The soundtrack was KILLER

LUTHER'S. CHARACTER. DEVELOPMENT.

Vanya living out that lesbian cottagecore dream

Are we going to ignore that Five is a huge jackass and also brutally murdered about a dozen or so people? (I knew I was onto something when I said he had a Truth or Dare smile)

Klaus starting a cult

I actually kind of like how all the Hargreeves sometimes do shitty things.

ESPECIALLY BEN.

We've made him out to be such a perfect angel, from a narrative standpoint I'm glad that he did some shitty stuff.

Reggie. I still want to throw hands.

On that note can we talk about how Reggie loved Pogo more than his adopted kids? Now we know why Pogo was so loyal.

Elliott was a fun character

I love the scene where Allison first runs into the beauty parlor after being chased by those racist shits, and all the black women recognize the fear on her face and instantly shift into protective mode.

Acknowledging that the fight is not over.

Ray's confusion over not one, but TWO white dudes claiming to be his wife's brothers.

Five fighting the vending machine. What even was that lmao

I liked Lila at first but I didn't really like where her character went but at the same time I do? If that makes sense

The Handler literally just appears a Cruella de Vil/Mother Gothel hybrid in my head now

I'm so confused over fish man. Why is he a fish? Why does he look like Minion from Megamind? How does he smoke (bear in mind please, i haven't read the comics)

I love how the trailer hypes him up to be some big menacing bad guy but he's literally in one scene where he demotes the Handler and the next time he appears he gets murdered.

Diego just. Becomes a conspiracy nut

"Dads going to assassinate JFK" became the new "Dad sent me to the moon" lmao I'm sorry Diego

Speaking of Diego can i just rant about how when Reggie verbally attacked him to the point of bringing his stutter back NO ONE stood up for him? Is this how it's gonna be? Each season picks a new sibling to ignore?

Speaking of ignore where the hell did Klaus's ghosts go

Having his cult dress in blue and bother him like the ghosts did was a neat visual cue but

Where are the fucking ghosts

"When did Luther learn to fight dirty?" Five you do realize Luther fought in underground boxing matches (or whatever the hell they are) you SAW him fight in one

"I WANNA FEEL PAIN" Wow ok edgy middle school OC.

Diego really went "thats rough buddy" on Luther

Klaus really went "if you have to say 'its not incest technically' thats not great" on Allison

Klaus, Vanya, and Allison hugs! "Hey Vanny" and kissing her head? Them hanging out and dancing together? Ive been waiting for that SINCE SEASON ONE

I saw the exact moment Reggie decided "I'm staying the FUCK away from these kids" and it was when Luther ripped his shirt open and screamed "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME"

The Öga for Öga scene was pure comedy I love it

BENS DEATH SCENE HURT SO BAD

Fuck the Handler

"The Umbrella Academy may be assholes but they're not fools" Well yes but also no

Man the Handler really ate a raw fish whole huh

Brief side note, somehow I didn't realize that the original apocalypse happened on April Fool's Day

I think its so funny and great how Diego's been to the Commission and now he can just keep up with Five and the Handler's confrontation. Like he knows whats going on for once.

Okay so a lot of Commission operatives seem to have those Fnaf-esque masks, so......... does that mean Five at some point used a mask?

DIEGO CAN REDIRECT BULLETS

V A N Y A

Her controlling her powers? We love to see it.

Oh shit Lila's one of those October 1 kids

DIEGO REALLY DATED HIS SORT OF SISTER

I mean THEY SLEPT TOGETHER

Fuckin yikes

Wow so the Handler is like Reggie but somehow worse

I mean, they're kind of on the same level of shit, its hard to beat Reggie but the Handler gets on that level

So Five literally pulled a But For Me It Was Tuesday on Lila huh

Okay how many times is the Unbrella Academy going to kill off the Hargreeves siblings

Okay fine I'll admit Five finally controlling his time travelling was cool

Oh thank God Harlan lives

I love that Diego and Herb have a secret handshake

Sissy and Vanya....... MAYBE I CRIED.

Vanya and Diego just sitting and leaning against each other..... truly they came a long way from "she doesn't belong here"

SPARROW ACADEMY?

B E N ? ?

I love how the last word of the second season was "shit"

#the umbrella academy #tua spoilers #tua season 2 #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #sissy cooper #harlan cooper #lila pitts #the handler #aj carmichael #reginald hargreeves

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tessatechaitea · 5 years

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The New Titans #60

First time in my comic book reading history that I noticed how much Nightwing's symbol looks like the torso of a woman in a skimpy top.

It's difficult beginning a new New Titans comic book when I'd let myself believe I was finished reading them all. It's especially difficult to keep reading this comic book when the first page includes this warning:

You don't have to tell me twice!

Apparently my brain disagreed with its first assessment that the comic book didn't need to tell me twice because it reread the warning and idiotically read it correctly this time.

Dammit! Why did I already read Batman #440?! Now I'm practically locked into reading this!

Looking on the bright side for the second time in my life (the first time was when I realized that when I die, it'll most likely be in some horrible accident in which I won't have time to register that my life is ending and therefore I'll never actually know I've died, easing swiftly into the loving embrace of non-existence!), I thought, "Well, Batman #440 was written by Wolfman and it was a decent read. How terrible can this comic book be?!" But that pleasant thought was completely undone when the first panel reminded me of something I had yet to consider:

Fuck. Cyborg was still alive at this time. I'm fucking bored already!

Well, looking on the bright side who loves seeing a character yell "Booyah!" constantly, this comic book should be a real treat! I do feel a little bit of white guilt creeping in around the corners when I voice my indifference of the most boring character in the DC Universe because he's black. Especially with Donald Trump's recent explicitly racist tweets and the GOP's rush to hide behind other members of the GOP in the hopes that they won't have to shrug apathetically on camera when asked about the tweets. But it's not my fault that DC Comics chose to make their most boring character an American black man! Would it help if I said some of my favorite DC characters were black? Nope. Just heard how that sounds. Not better! Paragraph breaks don't do as much heavy lifting as I need them to. Sometimes after I've written some commentary, I'll wander off to another part of the Internet to take in some sights. Then when I come back, I sometimes want to discuss what I've just experienced. But going from one paragraph to another, readers just think they're reading it in real time as I wrote it. What I need are paragraph breaks that represent the amount of time I was away (but not what I was doing while I was away or they'd all be variations on "Gone five minutes. Jerked off to Sailor Moon porn where Rei surprises Usagi in the shower and teaches her how to masturbate" or "Gone ten minutes. Watched an erotic massage video and spent most of the time fiddling with the sound so the downstairs neighbors couldn't hear it. Turns out 3 out of 100 is still to loud for some women's orgasms" or "Gone three days. Couldn't take reading another Wolfman New Titans comic book and wound up just playing thirty games of Apex"). Between the last paragraph and this one, I went on Twitter where Andy Richter posted Fats Domino's version of The Beatles' "Lady Madonna." My only response after hearing it was, "Holy fuck." Seriously, I never want to hear The Beatles' shit version ever again! I also just noticed in the above panel, Cyborg accidentally stuck his penis plug-in to the side of his face! Whoops! Back in 1989, Cyborg wasn't capable of contacting anybody in the DC Universe immediately. So he's having trouble finding Dick Grayson. He tried his pager and...well, that's about it! It was 1989! If somebody wasn't sitting by their phone, you didn't have many other options when trying to contact them! This is probably one of the moments where much later DC editors looked back at Cyborg and realized he needed to be more powerful. I'm not arguing that he definitely needed to be more than a white noise gun that said "Booyah!" but they could have realized he needed to be interesting as well. Hell, it's not long after this issue that Marv Wolfman completely gives up on him and smashes him into bits. Having no other options but to risk exposing Batman's secret identity by putting calls to Wayne Manor on the Titans phone records, Cyborg gives Bruce a call. I'd understand interrupting Batman's hectic life if the world were on fire but the big emergency right now is that some weird kid looking for Dick visited Kory while she was practically naked (no wait. She had a towel on after showering so her body was more covered than usual). Batman is busy dealing with Two-Face even though it's the middle of the day. I think maybe Alfred lied to Cyborg. I bet Batman's taking a shit. Dick has gone back to Haly's Circus to find himself.

I bet these two clowns are actually old white land developers responsible for the circus failing! Their next trick will be to dress up like ghosts and zombies to scare everyone away!

A third clown named Harry comes out of a tent and passes out in Dick's arms. Can you imagine blacking out as a clown? You'd probably wake up in an unknown tent with no make-up covered in lion spit and shame. Dick meets with Haly and is all, "I read about the circus closing down and I couldn't figure out why. But now that I'm here, I totally get it!" And Haly is all, "Fuck you, Dick! You try running a circus in 2019! I mean 1989! Oh, yeah, I guess I should probably still have been able to trick idiots into thinking freak sideshows and abusing animals was still cool." Haly actually blames the failing of his circus on too much TV and too many video games. Obviously Super Mario, Tecmo Bowl, and Duck Hunt (hee hee! You thought, "Cunt!") were way more fun and interesting than sitting in a smelly tent being terrorized by people in greasy face paint but Haly really should take a little responsibility for his own business failings. Dick arrives and in ten minutes, he's already washed an elephant and kept a drunk clown from breaking his neck. Maybe get off your ass, Harry Haly, and fix up your shit. Haly also mentions that there's been a rash of accidents that have kept the selling price of the circus down. I bet it was those fucking clowns!

He's talking about his penis so yes, Dick, he has to ask.

While at Haly's Circus, Dick Grayson witnesses the origin of Clown Batman!

Later, after Bozo Wayne grew to an adult and was wondering what direction to take, a clown crashed through his window.

Tensions are running high at the Haly Circus as some performers want to circus to be sold so they can move on and others just want things to remain unchanged.

Finally, a clown that makes me laugh!

During the show later, Wilhelm the lion tamer gets his throat ripped out before Dick can save him. Dick was disguised as a clown so Wilhelm probably bled out as Dick was struggling to take off the stupid shoes. Tim Drake is in the audience watching because he's smarter than the entire Titans team put together. Later, Tim and Dick team up to find out who's been sabotaging Haly's Circus. It turns out it was the little person and the strong man. So typical! It's totally who I thought it was and not those two clowns from earlier. That was just a red herring I was throwing out to confuse you. The team-up doesn't make me like Tim Drake any better. But then Tim makes an admission that warms my heart and I can't help but love the kid.

Wolfman knew what he was doing.

At the end of the day, Dick Grayson buys half of Haly's Circus to help keep it afloat (with Bruce's money). Then Tim shows him the pictures of Batman battling Ravager that he took in Batman #440. He pleads with Dick to go back to help Batman cope with the death of Jason Todd. "Batman needs Robin!" he argues like a nerd doing his thesis on Batman's inexplicable need to endanger minors. Dick takes the kid seriously because who else has ever figured out that Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are Batman and Robin?! Only the smartest man on Earth and he won't do that for another twenty five years! The New Titans #60 Rating: B+. Apparently it's the Titans that make the Titans comic book suck. Concentrating on Dick Grayson and his relationship with Batman and the circus (and even this new upstart kid that loves Dick) causes Marv Wolfman to be at his best! My guess is that it's the lack of Cyborg that really makes the book shine.

#The New Titans #Teen Titans #DC Comics #DC #A Lonely Place of Dying #Batman #Tim Drake #Comic Book Reviews

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