#explained how my marriage thing works and how my dad died [/source] to a friend of the sys' and they are so confused

[lemonofthevalley]

trying to explain dndads lore to people who have no idea what I'm talking about is exactly like this

#🦇.txt #dndads #explained how my marriage thing works and how my dad died [/source] to a friend of the sys' and they are so confused

[machikuragii]

Rank the Sohmas and explain your ranking?

Anon, this got really long, so I’ve put everything under the cut. Also I don’t have solid rankings beyond my top 2 so I went into ‘tiers’ that aren’t necessarily ordered by how much I like a character. TLDR; I love all the zodiacs for different reasons, see readmore for more in-depth thoughts.

1. Yuki Sohma

Yuki as a character is really, really important to me. I think about him so much, and how he goes from a neglected, unwanted child with no support network to a confident young adult who is so comfortable with himself and free to be happy and at ease and surrounded by those who love him. I think about how important it is that Takaya displays this journey as incremental, and not necessarily linear. I think about how Yuki’s strength comes not only from himself and his desire to improve step by step, but from the support he gradually starts to receive from the people around him. I think about just how important it is when Takaya says that it’s ok to be weak, to reach out for help, and that for some people, it is only when they DO receive the needed support from others that they are able to get better. I think about just how much it means for a boy with so little self-worth to gradually find himself in the company of people who enjoy his presence and like him for who he is, and I think about how he is able to reach out and help others after receiving the warm and foundation he himself needs, when he is emotionally ready. I think about then, how SIGNIFICANT it is to show a character who had absolutely NOTHING in his childhood go on to make sure that his own child has everything he longed for in a home in his childhood. 

There’s a little bit of Yuki in everyone. Every bit of his internal monologue hits like a truck for anyone who struggles with insecurity and low self-esteem, and his drive and aspiration to find his own purpose and happiness, can be a source of inspiration to so many. Yuki Sohma is one of the best, if not THE definitely best written Fruits Basket characters, and I really wish more people recognised this. As sensei once said herself, I know that Yuki will always have his fans, but I wished that more people realised and appreciated his importance in the story and carrying the themes of Fruits Basket.

2. Hatori Sohma

This is more a remnant of a past phase, but Hatori is here because he was my first anime crush ksksksasoksks . Jokes aside though, I love Hatori because of his kindness and selfless nature that is masked by a cold exterior. As an adult I realise that Hatori’s actions are not always perfect or enough, but I still really think that he is someone who truly cares. There are so many instances that improve his character in my eyes. Can you imagine going through what he goes through with Kana, and learning of her marriage, and not feeling bitterness, but relief that she is happy? And yet he values his own happiness so little that it really breaks my heart. Or the way that he doesn’t avoid Momiji after the ordeal with his mother, but checks up on him and in a way helps raise him? Dude is more of a father figure to Momiji than his own dad. Narratively, Hatori’s backstory is such an effective introduction to the darker, more mature themes of Fruits Basket, and yeah you can bet it worked on kid me. 

TIER: “These are great characters, I love their complexity but I’m also just fond of them as well” (no particular order)

Isuzu Sohma

Someone who definitely grew on me this time round. When I was a child I found it hard to understand what she was going through and didn’t really relate to her either. But oh my god, this girl goes through so much. She’s such a kindhearted character at heart, but struggles with connecting with others and receiving their kindness because of what she went through as a child. It’s so hard to watch her struggle, because we know she deserves the world. 

Akito Sohma

Controversial to say I love Akito just after I said I love Rin, lol. I’ve never had an overly negative impression of Akito throughout Fruits Basket (this is partially because my friends used to call me Akito when we were little.....because I was an Asian girl... and Akito is also an Asian girl????? idk now that I’m thinking back over it...gee thanks guys), so it was relatively easier for me to accept her redemption when it came. Akito’s actions are not defensible, but I find it much more interesting to explore where she is coming from, rather than just mindlessly spew hate and wish violent things for her like some people prefer to do. Akito’s character is a tragedy, and I feel like people are way less willing to emphasise when the victim is not “perfect”, per se. Akito went through the same “broken home” parental abuse that a lot of the characters in Fruits Basket went through, but somehow people are unwilling even to extend the tiniest amount of baseline empathy towards her just because he trauma manifested in a way that hurts others. Guys, she’s a tragic character!!! A tragic character isn’t always “a perfect person who has bad things happen to them”, it can also mean “a character who becomes antagonistic because of circumstances.” Her actions are inexcusable, but there is a lot to learn when we explore WHY she became this way.

Shigure Sohma

Gonna try make this short. Shigure is a controversial character but I like him because I like characters that demonstrate moral ambiguity. The point of Shigure is NOT to be a good person, and he doesn’t have to be one to justify liking him. Once again, you can like Shigure and still know that he’s a piece of shit. The whole idea of “he genuinely cares for Tohru but will hurt her if it means achieving his own goals” is a fascinating one to me, because it shows that the idea of “good people” and “bad people” is vast oversimplification of how actual people think and behave. Still though, I’m really not fond of how Akigure was executed in canon. I think the two could have potentially had a fascinating relationship but it ended up being more disturbing and swept under the rug&uncomfortable than interesting.

Momiji Sohma

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have Momiji who is just genuinely such a good person. I like the dichotomy between his outwardly ‘childish’ and ‘immature’ appearance and behaviors, versus what we gradually learn about him: that he has had to be mature and selfless at a very young age, and that he is also very emotionally intelligent and empathetic. Watching him gradually grow up before our eyes (we were ROBBED of it in the anime) but at the same time feeling more and more lost broke my freaking heart. When his curse breaks and he realises that even though he is now ‘free’, that nothing has changed and the damage was already done -  absolutely heartwrenching. He’s someone I would have loved explore more of what happened post-canon, because I just want good things for him and Momo, screw whatever the hell their asshole dad thinks. 

TIER: “I love these characters but don’t focus on them as much as I think the fandom does”

Kyo Sohma

I’m a self-professed “probably don’t think about Kyo that much” person haha. I know I know, sue me. I think its because out of the main 3, I love Yuki and Tohru so much that I don’t tend to focus on Kyo. I still like him a whole lot though!! I’m a big fan of the way he matures and changes throughout the series, and much like how Yuki does too, becomes a much happier person. When I compare early-series Kyo with later-series Kyo, one thing that always sticks out to me is how much more he smiles. The way he smiles at Tohru is so full of genuine warmth and happiness that it makes my heart melt, especially when I think about how this is a boy who has so much baggage, and has to gradually accept the fact that he deserves happiness before he allows himself finally to accept it. 

Hatsuharu Sohma

Most of my love for Haru comes from the relationship he has with Yuki. It takes so much maturity to accept that your prejudices may be unfair, and Haru did so at such a young age. Sometimes I just think about how much Haru did and continues to do for Yuki without the need for reciprocation or even recognition and it just hits me how much of a good person Haru is. He was Yuki’s ONLY friend at a time he had NO ONE, and is the reason Yuki was able to move out of the estate and become the person we know and love. Haha sorry for making this about Yuki again, but I think their relationship also says a lot about Haru as a person.

TIER: “I like Kureno and am tired of making a thousand disclaimers every time I want to say I like him, Takaya-sensei whyyyy”

Kureno Sohma

I really like Kureno. This is again pretty controversial, but let me try to explain. I like Kureno because he’s an example of someone who wants to do the right thing that causes the least amount of harm to everyone, but inevitably ends up making the decision that causes much more damage. It’s a classic “good intentions, bad outcome” scenario and I freaking love it. I love that it’s absolutely not what he wants, but Kureno ends up doing a lot of wrong things and destroying not only Akito, but also his own life in the process. I just find the idea of an adult of his age who is so isolated from all of society that even a shopping trip is something foreign and out-of-the-ordinary, really, really sad. 

On the romance side though,  I hate that Takaya-sensei decided that Arisa would be his romantic interest, but I do like the idea of romance being a part of his arc. (I actually think their interactions are somewhat cute but that the overarching age gap ruins everything - i keep thinking about if Arisa was older or Kureno was younger, but touching their ages at all would affect the plot so I would rather it wasn’t Arisa at all). Just the idea of Kureno by Akito’s side, playing the part of what he thinks is her “lover” (god sensei why are u liek dis), when he meets someone on one of his rare trips outside the Sohma estate that causes him to realise that what he and Akito have is not at all what a healthy relationship should feel like - and it causes him to reevaluate the harm he is doing to them both, and take steps to leave her. That is...not exactly what Sensei did, but I always remember how much I felt for Kureno when he said in the upcoming anime chapter how it was the first time he had felt like he loved someone out of his own choice...I just felt like that one “choice” could have lead him to the realisation that he can start to make more of his own, healthier choices in life. But yeah. Wish it wasn’t Arisa because it didn’t do anything good to her character arc, and it’s creepy. 

TIER: “I really like these characters but don’t go out of my way to think about them”

Kagura Sohma

Ok I lied, I do go out of my way to think about Kagura. I love her too, despite common opinion. I think her reflection of her relationship with Kyo was so wonderful. Her confession that she started to like him out of pity, but that over time they became genuine feelings. But that Kyo can’t reciprocate her feelings so she’s accepting of that, and thankful that he gave her time to express herself, although she will still go on loving Kyo. Kagura is one of those characters where Takaya-sensei once again demonstrates her ability to take a “trope” of a character and actually delve into their psyche and explains why they feel this way. 

Ayame Sohma

I love Ayame because he’s genuinely so much fun! I appreciate the arc of him rejecting Yuki, but how he is now reaching out to help him, and I feel like we don’t get a good insight into just how significant this rejection was until we see it from Yuki’s perspective. I also admire how he is able to recognise his own shortcomings, and respects Hatori because of his sensitivity to other people’s feelings. He’s a character who could definitely have been explored more if desired, but isn’t underexplored or incomplete as is.

Ritsu Sohma

My poor Ritsu. In contrast to Ayame, Ritsu was definitely underexplored. Such a great potential to explore confidence, identity, and assertiveness. Ritsu as it stands though, is largely a minor character who wasn’t given the time they needed to be fully fleshed out. I would have loved to see them gradually gain more confidence over the series!!

Kisa Sohma

Love love love Kisa, she’s such a cutie pie. But I feel like there wasn’t much more to say about her that wasn’t said in her arc. Kisa is more a character who is used to show the messed-up state of the Sohma house/Akito more than she herself is a complex character, I think. I love her arc and her parallels to Yuki though, it gave us such a great quote about needing to be loved by others before learning to love yourself. 

Hiro Sohma

Hiro is known to be an unlikeable brat but I love him as well!!! I think it’s really important to have characters who aren’t just lovely and receptive to Tohru’s kindness, and his character served to show an important flaw in Tohru’s character, and the way that her kindness could be taken advantage of. For Hiro himself though, I think his brattiness is alright because he’s very young, and I really appreciate his efforts to become a more mature person when he recognises his own flaws! 

#fruits basket #yuki sohma #hatori sohma #akito sohma #kureno sohma #fruits basket spoilers #long post #asks #anonymous #Anonymous

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Hey! love your blog. Could you do a cinderella au maybe?? Thanks

James had had a good life up until his parents died. First his mum had died, and it was a couple years before his dad remarried. He didn't begrudge him for it. Mum had been kind, but she was gone and he deserved to be happy. His stepmother was nice enough up until Dad died, and then it was like living in hell on Earth. Apparently the nice stepmother thing had been an act. His stepsisters had always been kind of bitches, but now it was worse. They didn't have any appearances to keep up, and the only way James could stay happy was by avoiding them. 

So James avoided his step family whenever he could because if they saw him, they'd remember that he existed. If they remembered that he existed, they would do one of two things. 1. Mock him or 2. Give him a chore to do since they'd fired most of the staff when his father died and subsequently decided that James would do all of it. Some years after his father's death, they'd sold the estate despite James's protests-- it was a family home, one the Potter's had lived at for several generations-- and moved to a smaller home. Much smaller. Small enough that it wasn't completely ludicrous to expect for James to be able to take care of its upkeep. 

If he were younger, or perhaps his parents still lived, he wouldn't have hesitated in tossing them out on their arses, or making them so unhappy that they would leave of their own free will. But his parents were dead and he was older now. Old enough and lonely enough that he didn't fancy trying to make an entirely new life for himself with no friends. This was his life now, and he didn't plan on doing much to change that. 

Until, of course, there was an event that changed his life-- not that he ever could have predicted it. 

James was in charge of picking up and handling the post. That meant he was the first one to see the royal invitation. There was a ball. One being held at the palace that invited all people of marrying age in the kingdom to see the prince and hair apparent for the throne so that he might choose someone to marry. James had the vicious urge to throw the invitation away. His step-sisters would be primping and preening every day until the ball finished, and he was going to have to deal with it. Not just their horrid attitudes, but their hair and makeup and dresses. When both of them failed to wed the prince, James was sure they would blame him instead of their own lack of good looks or will. 

He would have thrown it away too, if it weren't for the knowledge that they'd find out about the ball from some other source and then he'd be in deep shite. No. Better to give it to them now and bear the next month as well as he could. 

Easier said than done. 

*

James blinked. "What do you mean?" 

"Have you gone deaf while I was in the market today?" Step-mother asked, none too kindly. "You will not be accompanying us to the ball. I am more than capable to looking after my daughters without your interference. Besides, you would not make the impression we are hoping to make." 

"You're delusional if you think the prince is going to look twice at either of those hags." It would've been smarter if he kept his mouth shut, he knew, but he'd been looking forward to going. To seeing people again. 

*

"So... what are you?" James asked. "Fairy? Witch?" 

"Something like that," the man who had introduced himself as Remus said. 

"Why are you helping me?" 

"I'm not exactly filled with goodwill. I'm doing you a favour so you'll do me a favour." 

"I don't have much," James said with a wry twist of his mouth. 

"It's something you are plenty capable of doing. All I need is for you to deliver a message to Prince Sirius for me. Maybe a few messages, if you manage to give the first one and get one in return." 

"Why can't you do it yourself?" James wanted to immediately accept. Not only was Remus offering to get him into the ball, but he was offering to give him appropriate clothes and fix him up for it-- with a little magic, of course. He'd be able to go the party of the decade without any worries, able to just enjoy himself for a few days. 

Remus's nose twitched. "His parents aren't very fond of me." He gestured to the scars on his face and added, "They've made it quite clear over the years. So long as both of them are living, I can't step foot on the castle grounds, and Sirius is watched too carefully to get out to meet me. So? Do we have an agreement?" 

"Why not," James muttered. It's not like he had much to lose if this was a set-up. Besides that, what would anyone stand to gain from this? James was at the bottom of the pecking order these days. 

*

James hadn't looked this good in... well, years. After his mother died, he hadn't had much cause to dress up for events because he was no longer attending them. He'd looked nice for his father's marriage, but he'd gotten bigger since then. All the housework had made his shoulders broad enough that he wouldn't have fit in his old clothes anyways. 

The clothes Remus had conjured for him were gold. In another kingdom, that might have gotten him into trouble-- someone not royal wearing the colour that was usually reserved only for them-- but the Black family kept silver as their royal colour. James didn't think much of it until the Prince saw James out of the corner of his eye and immediately started working his way over. Was gold a signal colour for Remus and the Prince, and Remus had forgotten to tell him? That would certainly explain Remus's certainty that James would be able to pass along the message. 

James had that idea firmly in mind when the Prince got up close to him, a smirk making him appear even more handsome. Bloody hell, people who were born in royal families should not be allowed to be that gorgeous. There should be a rule that you can either be born into the most powerful family, or you can be the most handsome man on the planet. Being allowed to do both was going to make James's heart stop before he had a chance to really enjoy the ball. 

"Hello," the Prince said, smirk widening into a smile. "I'm Sirius." 

James was staring. He knew that he should say something, but he couldn't unstick his tongue from the top of his mouth. 

"This is the part where you tell me your name." 

"James. I'm er, James." 

"Nice to meet you James." Sirius glanced around them. "Are you here as an escort?" 

James snorted. He'd absolutely be murdered if his step-family discovered that not only was he here, but he was talking to the Prince. "Not as such, no." 

"Dance with me." 

"Aren't you supposed to ask, not order?" 

"Well you're not here to escort someone, which means you're here for me. If you're here for me, why would I bother to ask when the answer is going to be a yes?" 

"A fair point, if a touch unoriginal." 

"Unoriginal?" the Prince repeated, raising an eyebrow. He was still smiling though, so he wasn't offended. "I would like to think that I maintain most of my originality by not asking if you wanted to dance with me." 

"Ah, I guess that means I have to dance with you." 

The Prince's smile widened. "Quite." He offered his hand, and James let himself get pulled onto the dance floor. 

It had been a while since he'd been the center of attention, and he found that he still remembered how to deal with it. A hint of a smile as his resting his face, and he didn't make eye contact with anyone without making it seem like he was avoiding looking. That part was easy. The less easy part was pretending like he wasn't as effected by the Prince's presence as he was. It was one thing to meet him, smile at him, and exchange a few words. James had expected all of that as a matter of course when delivering the letter-- which he hadn't forgotten about, but he was going to wait for a time when less people were staring-- but now his hand was in the Prince's, and he had an arm wrapped around his waist. 

He wasn't pressed all against him so much as to be improper, but it was enough that James could feel the heat radiating from him. Their faces were close enough that he could see the flutter of dark eyelashes when the Prince blinked, could feel his breath, and see the light sheen of sweat across his brow. 

"So, James. What brings you to this disaster of a ball?" 

"Doesn't seem so disastrous to me." 

"That's because you're not the one everyone's groping. Not that you're not worthy of it," the Prince said with a wink. 

"You're the one that approached me, so I hope you don't consider this to be another unwanted grope," James said. The only thing worse than getting out of this party without having a good time, would be if he had a horrible time. If the Prince hated him after this, that would be... well, another disappointment to add to his life. One he certainly did not need. "And if you didn't want this ball, why are you holding it?" 

"My parents are holding it." 

"Ah. Well thank you for the dance all the same." 

"Don't go running off," the Prince said, arm tightening a fraction like he thought James was going to run for the hill. "You're the first decent person I've met all night." 

"Yes, with all that talking we've done." 

The Prince shrugged. "You're fit, as well. I won't say that had nothing to do with my decision. Mostly though, I liked your clothes. It takes stones to wear a traditionally royal colour to an event like this." 

"I can't say I had much to do with it." 

"Your parents give you as hard a time as mine?" 

"Not my parents, no. A friend of yours, actually. Bugger didn't even ask first. Personally, I would've gone with red." 

"Red's a good colour, if it doesn't make you look pale as a bloody ghost, that is. Who is this friend we seem to have in common?" 

There was a careful lightness to the Prince's words. He knew who James was going to say, but he wasn't going to out himself first. "Didn't catch a name," James lied. A description of Remus would get him in less trouble than saying his name. There wasn't any plausible deniability if he said the name. "Pleasant disposition. Had a few scars on his face." 

The Prince's arm tightened again, reflexively. "How is he?" he asked quietly. 

"He looked alright when I saw him. It's not like we're mates. He did me a favour, so I'm doing him one. I've got a letter for you from him." 

"Too many people watching right now." 

"I've noticed." 

The Prince hummed. "I suppose we should enjoy the rest of this dance, then." 

James hadn't been sure he would remember all the steps, but not once for the rest of the song did he step on the Prince's toes or turn the wrong direction. 

The Prince left him with a kiss on the cheek and a muttered, "I'll find you later, don't leave." 

*

"Did he get the letter?" Remus asked, and James nodded. 

He was out of his fancy clothes, but the confidence it had given him lingered. He used to be like this all the time. It used to be that he wouldn't have let his step-family push him around like they did, but he'd been blind with grief and done nothing. "Thanks for the clothes. I had fun." 

Remus glanced at him. "Aren't you going again tonight?" 

James shrugged. "One night was fun, but it's not as if I'm going to the ball for the reason everyone else is." 

"So? You wanted to enjoy yourself. The ball lasts for two more nights, and you have the suit for it. Besides, if I know Sirius, he'll send something in return. If you're not there, I'll have no one to retrieve it for me." 

It didn't take much convincing. 

*

The second night of the ball, the Prince greeted him with a bright smile. He slid a return letter to James at the beginning of the night, but he came back to keep dancing with him. Could James read into that? Could he expect that it meant something other than James was the point of contact between the Prince and Remus? 

The Prince, who kept coming to him dances and smiling like the was the damn sun of his life. The Prince, who kept telling James that he should call him Sirius instead of Your Majesty. The Prince, who at the end of the night, pressed a kiss to James's cheek that caught the corner of his mouth-- and not on accident. "You're coming back tomorrow night, yes?" 

"Not going to order it?" James joked to hide his nerves. 

"Haven't you heard the story? If you let something go and it returns to you, you get to keep it." The way Sirius kissed the back of his hand after saying it was innocent; the look he gave James as he did it was not. "I hope to see you again, James." 

James swallowed, said a perfunctory goodbye, and practically fled the ball. 

What was he doing? This was a favour for Remus. He was passing a few messages between two friends who couldn't see each other in person. That's it. 

*

"Are you going back tonight?" Remus asked, his gaze far too perceptive. 

"Not unless you have a return letter you need for me to pass." 

"I don't." 

James's shoulders sagged without him meaning for it to happen. 

"If you want an excuse, I could always manufacture one." 

James glared at him, but it had no effect. Remus calmly raised an eyebrow and held that expression until James cracked. "He acted like he wanted to see me." 

"And this is... bad?" 

"No, but Sirius said that he didn't like the ball. And then he goes and asks for me to come back." 

Remus didn't respond immediately, taking the time to choose his words carefully. "In my experience, Sirius doesn't ask for things he does not want. If he asked for you to come back, I believe that he means it in the same way you want it to mean. Whether or not you decide to go though," Remus said, turning his attention to the book he'd been reading when James came by, "do remember that the magic runs out after midnight. Like everything else in this world, it has a time limit." There was the weight of a world in what he wasn't saying, and it was impossible for James to miss it. 

*

"But... you came back," Sirius said, sounding crushed. His eyes were wide and uncomprehending. He still had a firm hand in James's jacket sleeve, the only place he'd been able to catch when James tried to run. 

James swallowed thickly. "I wanted to see you again." 

"Then stay." 

James shook his head. Remus's magic did a bit more than conjure the suit he was wearing; it had gotten rid of the cuts and burns on his hands and made him look presentable for high society in a way he hadn't been for years. He didn't want Sirius to see him like that. Sirius was... he was amazing. Too high up for James to be able to touch. Like a cloud in the sky, no matter how close it looked, he was too far away for James to hold and make his. 

"James no, please-" 

"I can't. I can't-" he shook his head again. He couldn't do this. He couldn't try only for it to fail or for Sirius's parents to decide that he wasn't a suitable match and be met with the same curse that had been laid on Remus. James wrenched his arm free, losing a button to Sirius's fingers, and he ran. He started running, and he didn't stop until after the spell ended, leaving him in his usual raggedy wardrobe. 

*

James opened the door and froze. How was Sirius- but no, that wasn't Sirius. James peered at him and decided that this must be another member of the royal family. Not old enough to be the King or Queen, but he was close enough in looks that he was definitely related to Sirius. 

"Can I help you?" he asked. 

Wordlessly, he held up the button that had been attached to James's jacket. "Magic is funny. Had it still been attached to the rest of the clothes, it would've vanished, but separated like that, it could be traced back to you. I'm Regulus, Sirius's brother." Regulus didn't have the same casualness to his posture that Sirius had had. He held himself a touch stiffly, like he was paying attention to a tutor instead of confronting someone who was basically a peasant. "He misses you rather terribly, you know. Won't shut up about it, as a matter of fact. Our parents told him that he had to choose someone to marry like they agreed, and he says that he did choose. However, since you refused to stay and went missing, they are at a stalemate." 

James swallowed. "That's not my problem," he said quietly. 

"Perhaps not," Regulus said in a way that meant he did not agree with James, "but it most certainly is my problem and I have no patience. You're coming with me." 

"That's kidnapping." 

"Not when you're a prince." 

"Do you really think you could force me?" James asked. He'd rejected Sirius once, and that was all he had the strength for. If he saw him again, he wouldn't be able to say no a second time. 

"I don't believe you're going to make it that big a problem for me. You see, you care for Sirius, whether you want to admit it or not. So when I say that if you don't come along, my parents will take drastic measures that will make Sirius very unhappy, I know you won't resist." 

"You're lying," James said, but he wasn't certain. He didn't know Sirius's parents, and he didn't know Regulus. 

"Is that a chance you're willing to take?" 

James grit his teeth. "I can't just leave in the middle of the day with no warning. My family-" 

"Will be taken care of," Regulus said with a careless wave. "Stop wasting time. I've got one rather incensed brother to calm down before trying to sell your relationship to our parents." 

*

"I can't believe you ran away from me," Sirius said, months after the ball and weeks after they'd gotten married-- the marriage would've been sooner had it not been a royal wedding and not needed as much planning. 

James snorted, working out a tangle in Sirius's hair with his fingers. "Frankly, I don't know what else you expected." 

"Something other than utter rejection at the hands of my one true love. A kiss, perhaps? A responding declaration?" 

James kissed the top of his head. "Love you." 

Sirius tilted his head to glare at him. "It doesn't count now. You needed to do it back then." 

There was no magic that James had heard of that could turn back time, and even if there were, he could neither do it nor have access to it. So, in lieu of saying he would fix it or would've done differently (a lie), James gave him a kiss that made the scowl disappear from his husband's face. "I think it counts just enough, saying it right now." 

Sirius grumbled a bit, but it was for show as he relaxed against him. 

#prongsfoot #marauders #sirius black #james potter #fanfic #remus lupin #regulus black #filled #getting together #post hogwarts #fusion #siriuslystarbucks #Anonymous

[onisiondrama]

(Note: I’m not repeating stories he’s told before and just putting them in parenthesis. I have a lot more videos to go until I’m caught up so that would save me a lot of time. If he gives details I never heard from him before, I will type those.)

“I Figured Something Out” Sept 24, 2020 Speaks

- Says he likes to make videos pointing out his flaws because when he realizes he was doing something wrong, he likes to point it out and move on. You shouldn’t bottle things up. - Says when he started making these video he was angry and over time he winded down. - Begs his follower to look into the Regina / Adam thing. Says Regina pretended to be a transgender person named Adam. He says he was told this by a friend of someone he loves, by someone he loves, by a Hansen insider, and two other people who looked into it. They fabricated a person and a story. He says it’s gross. He says he doesn’t know exactly what was said because he doesn’t watch those videos. - Says he recently watched a beautiful, capable, smart women talk about cancel culture and drama. She’s a republican who doesn’t believe in the far right or left. Says most people go with the flow, but she’s an individual. He says he didn’t care there were things she said that he disagreed with because of the way she spoke. He says when he talks to people online, he has to remember you’re not that different. We all have feelings and people are less reasonable in your opinion if you don’t approach them reasonably. He says he is too harsh and mean in his videos, unlike the women. He understands you’re not supposed to sugarcoat the truth, but other people have feelings. - (People are after him because he hurt their feelings.) - Brings up Regina again. He says he doesn’t know what their problem is because he never talked to them. Says there’s sincere mental illness sprinkled around the internet and it’s proven if you put Regina and Adam side by side. He says he hasn’t watch the videos side by side, but he’s seen photos. He says he doesn’t know how this got past the filters and how people can be so negligent to the truth. He says that’s what happens when you let anyone on a show. People come on to troll or to project their issues. - He says people who watched him may have felt talked down to. He says he spoke like that because he felt like his audience turned on him before he had a chance to explain why it was all ridiculous. He felt it was unintelligent for people to assume it was the truth, but he was in a situation where he was threatened with divorce if he talked. He was stuck between being the bigger person and staying silent while he was building up frustration seeing what people were saying about him. - Says if the Regina and Adam thing is true, it’s the funniest disaster that ever occurred on social media. People were saying there’s all these victims and one of them turns out to be someone dressing up as a new person. It’s bad enough people can fake texts, but when you fake a whole person that’s another level of crazy. He says he almost feels blessed to be subjected to that level of comedy. He says it’s clinically insane for someone to do that with a straight face. He says he never even heard of Adam. - When his marriage was on the rocks because of cuddlegate, he told Billie he wanted to be alone. Billie tried to work it out with him. Says that’s evil step-mom, homewrecker stuff. [I’m pretty sure he’s talking about when he made the fake divorce video and she contacted him.] Says he had the opportunity to run away and abandon his family. He chose to stay because he doesn’t want to be that dad that choses his lustful side over his heart. He broke down crying at one point because he almost let down his family and he almost lost them. He didn’t talk to Billie for a few months after cuddlegate until Kai was like “uwu”. He says he told Kai it was a bad idea and it ended horribly. Says he’s done better than his dad and numerous other dads. - Says he doesn’t speak to people in his life as respectfully as he should. - Anyone in his shoes would be just as bitter and angry as he was. Some people wouldn’t even be alive. He lashed out because he didn’t get a fair chance. People won’t do a charity stream with him. - Once he told his full side in videos, people didn’t want to interview him anymore because he didn’t seem crazy anymore. - Says he was part of the mob against Chris Brown. He said he’s had people scream in his face and he didn’t do anything illegal to them. He called the cops on them. - (Patreon ban, he didn’t dox on purpose) - He says he wants to get rid of boob squeeze because it’s cringey to him. [thank god!]

“My Social Life- Before And After COVID” Sept 25, 2020, Speaks

- (Chris Hansen covid cure) - Says before COVID he stopped going out in public because people were taking picture of his children and posting them to the internet. An employee at Lowes and at Dairy Queen took photos of his children. He’s protective of them. A man [Hansen] showed up to his house when his kids were home. - He was thankful when COVID hit because people would stay away from him. He’s happy he has to wear a mask. He was wearing a different disguise in public before the masks. - (Kai threatened divorce if he spoke) - Says people’s emotions and mental illness cloud their memories. He conquered that when he was 17. A girl dumped him and he told her she was a monster. This was before people would seek clout so it was just between them. He says he supports her breaking up with him because they weren’t meant to be. - Seeing how crazy Seattle and society has gotten, he doesn’t want to be apart of it.  - He was socially lynched without going to court. (Mike went to court) - COVID gave him on excuse to avoid everyone and family members. He says COVID is horrible and people have died, but for him it came at an interesting time. He compares it to when a kid bullied him really hard in elementary school and died in a sledding accident. Says some dude or chick in a truck hit the kid. He says another time a guy was bullying him hard and that guy died in a motorcycle accident. He gave his helmet to his girlfriend. He died a hero. He gave up his life for someone. He was handsome and had his life ahead of him. - Says according to his mother, his father got a women killed by not giving her a helmet. He kept it for himself. His father also allegedly slept with his cousin. His dad tried to sue him and failed. Three of his family member accused his father of being a predator. - A reporter interviewed his father and his father acted like a hero.  - His mom is the one who left his dad. He says she didn’t have to fight for custody so there’s no motivation for her to lie. - (beat up his dad story) - Criminal experts will agree with him to follow the money in cases because money is the root of all evil. Like a news station that will make more money by making a monster instead of telling a true story. It is not profitable to tell both sides. - People like black and white stores, not stories where both people make mistakes. - He love isolation. He was covered in his father’s blood when he went to juvie. His white shirt was brown with dry blood. He was happy to be there because he was away from people and life was simpler. Everybody in there was flawed, which is better than being with his hypocrite god-loving father. Typical Seventh Day Adventist garbage. Greg says he was one as well. When he was 13 he prayed and told god he wanted nothing to do with him. Many amazing things happened to him after that. - Says you have a lot of drifters who came and destroyed someone consistent in you life, then they left. He was that consistent person. He was making hundreds of videos and entertaining thousands of people per video. Now he’s down to 900 to 3,000 views per video. They came, they destroyed, they left. They destroyed someone you connected with, had a real bond with. A lot of you cheered them on as they did this and then they left. Now you’re left with the same person, but he’s more broken. He believed in good people before, but now that he was dragged down into dirt, he has dirt in his eyes. He can’t see the sun or trees. He can just see dark and sadness. He still feels your spit on his face from when you millions of people beat him senseless socially. - He says he saw a legitimate news source says there was an FBI investigation about him. Says the FBI never contacted him. - Leafy recently suggested he should become an actor. He compares it to Kevin Spacey. Says it would be sad to lose a netflix show or a movie deal because of people saying things about you. He says imagine people who were going to be on that show with you stop talking to you because they don’t want to be dragged down with you. He’s glad he wasn’t that big when he fell because it would have hurt more. Now he gets to be a no one who knows who he really is when most people live in an alternate reality. - When he lost BillyTheFridge as a friend, he didn’t lose anything because Billy was a fake friend. Billy wanted to be a white knight. Joe and Anastasia were great friends and wanted to still talk to him. Billy later on realized James wasn’t as evil as he thought and invited him to lunch with them. Says he (James) backed out and decided to stop talking to all of them. He says it’s sad he lost Joe and Anastasia as friends, but he didn’t want to drag them into the drama and make their lives more miserable. Having friends was a burden and he didn’t want them to hurt. - (Regina / Adam) Dobs is barking. - He feels like this whole thing is a grand opportunity to look at things the way they are. He doesn’t trust anyone anymore and he doesn’t believe in friendships anymore. - He swears on his life he’s more honest than Sarah, Billie, and Shiloh.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

SPOILERS!!!

Charmed 02x02 Review

Y'all part of me just can't. Like the excitement and energy over this last episode is too much to keep inside. I am super ready to burst and super excited for episode 3. But I am just gonna say that overall I thought this episode was superb 8/10 only because I am saving my 9 and 10. But if I could I'd give it a 9 out of ten. There was only like a couple things I was nitpicky about and it's pretty standard tv logic stuff that most people overlook so dont come at me for it. So I am just gonna start like I always do except I cant just pick 3 likes and dislikes so I am just gonna list my likes some of the nitpicks and then some episode highlights.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Things I liked:

1. Hacy development

So no secret I am a hacy fan and I pretty much love any hacy content the show will give us but I really thought the show did so well this episode.

Originally, I thought the show was going to explore Macy's feelings through Dark!Harry, and in a way they have revealed them using Dark!Harry (Season 1 ended with us not sure if Macy felt anything for Harry, but knowing he had some feelings for her). I was worried there may be less hacy moments because they would keep most of the interaction between Dark!Harry and Macy. Even had me scared that Macy may be falling for Dark!Harry and not Harry proper. But no, they gave us Genuine Hacy.

The awkwardness of the interactions after the dream. That car ride was hilarious with the map and the radio (harry is still super at comedic relief in club and in car)

Harry's concern over having done something wrong

The looks when checking each other out.

Making each other laugh and encouraging each other.

Harry trying to save that witch and Macy being concerned by what it would

"I know Harry"

I mean it wasn't just tension. There was some fluff thrown in. Harry telling her to celebrate the victories and looking at her proudly. Which brings me to item 2.

2) I love what rupert does with his eyes between the two Harrys. Real harry (as macy put it) is so harmless looking. Those puppy eyes are adorable and rupert makes sure to have then turned up all the way when being real harry.

The only time Dark!harry makes soft eyes (well sort of) is the first time we see him with Macy, the initial moment in episode 1, and then when Maggie goes for a hug in this episode. He is just so taken off guard by the affection that his pretending-to-be-Harry-face slips and his eyes kind of go wide and they arent so narrowed and focused. Which makes me think he has not been hugged often or at all . . . That's sad. Then the switch when Maggie backs away. The eyes narrow again and he gets all mean. Just love that rupert can do things like that to give both characters distinctive enough feels that you can tell that dark!harry is acting.

3) Mel and Maggie bonding

So I really do hope that we get some Macy and Mel bonding, but I am happy anytime the show can deepen the bonds between the sisters. Maggie and Mel have a bit of a complicated relationship even though they grew up together. I mean especially from this episode we see and remember that Mel was the big sister for most of her life. She protected Maggie and seems to have acted like a second parent. It is sad that there dad really just turned out to be a bad dad. No reason behind it no, issues with Marisol other than apparently the ones he created on his own (which I will get into on my nitpicks). The fact this was just a loss for Maggie, and not just a loss as in she was the only one to feel something when Ray died but a loss of memories she thought she had and an idea of who her dad (a piece of her past), was sad but it actually gave us further insight into mel and Maggie's dynamics. First season we knew the rift between mel and Maggie was over Mel's obsession with and Mel's expectations of how Maggie should have acted and behaved. I think a lot of us chalked it up to Mel being controlling and having the oldest child attitude, but I think now we see there is more there. Mel seems to have spent a lot of time protecting Maggie and biting her tongue about certain aspects of thier lives and in a sense making sacrifices for her. So it makes sense she would expect the same from Maggie, but at the same time Maggie didnt know, and even if she did thise were Mel's choices and Maggie doesnt owe her anything for them.

Knowing that we can see how it is so easy for riffs to form between them which make the start of this season make more sense to me. Because Maggie wants to live her life and is a trusting and positive person. Mel expects a certain level of loyalty and commitment and has a different idea of what that looks like compared to Maggie. On top of there general personality differences it makes sense they all that would culminate into a rocky relationship prone to communication difficulties and tifs. But I love that they are starting to acknowledge those things and rebuild. Last season it was them just getting over feeling abandoned by each other after the death of Marisol. This exposed deeper roots of the initial rift. I liked that.

4) I love that the Maggie and Mel still have Magic and even though though the active powers are gone they arent defenseless. They just need to be resourceful. I actually like this a lot and I feel gives the writers a lot of room to play with creative ways for the ladies to save other witches.

5) demon lore!!!! Okay so while season 1 seems mostly thrown out the lore actually explains season 1 demons better.

One of the issues I had was that there did not seem to be a synchronized front with the demons and they never explained why even though Alistair claimed to be a hotshot the only people he had working for him was his family.

In the OG in first season before lore got expanded) demons and witches werent organized. Demons sort of acted on thier own for thier own purposes and witches seem mostly solitary except for occasional get togethers on important events. Later on in the series demons got an organization system (triad) then later one ruler (the source of all evil). Witches seem mostly solitary except for now the elders who assigned white lighters watched over them and placed rules on magic. I dont think people really remember the drastic shift in lore and the plot holes OG had because we generally liked the places it was going. So I am kinda on that page fro the reboot.

It flipped the script. Witches are or were the organized bunch both self ruling and ruling over the magical community. Demons were at war with each other and all had different agendas so makes sense that the Caines were mostly on thier own.

I like this idea of there being different general types of demons and a hierarchy. I do wonder if that will limit then in the long run, but assuming they can be creative with the categories they have defined I am not too worried. I am excited to get more info on demons now.

6) the new love interests. I love Mel's new love interest. So different from Mel and her previous love interests. I reserve judgment until we get more interaction but I am liking her so far. Jordan is interesting I am actually liking the build up of thier relationship and will be nice to see maggie start off slow and make friends with him first. I wasnt a huge parkerita fan but I did not dislike the ship. But one of my general blehs is love at first site between teens. The way parker and Maggie began was just off putting to me but they were nice together when they were together honestly. This will be a good venture into perhaps an adult relationship or at least on that doesnt begin with as much drama. That said she is dead and will have to hide her identity from him soo....

Now on to the nitpicks:

1) Ray's characterization.

Okay so I dont mind that Ray turned out to be just a crap dad. It happens. But there are things we know that Ray probably didnt that makes us wonder why marisol even got with him and married him.

A) we know Marisol continued an affair throughout her marriage to Ray. Even assuming Ray was just a crap husband and father, why did marisol get with him and marry him if he was so good at alienating everyone he met. I wouldnt think he was just a one night stand that Marisol decided she would have to marry after getting pregnant. I would think she would be above that.

B) did he even know about magic. Was his whole relationship and life with Marisol and the girls just based on secrets, ignorance, and not being around?

I mean for B it is fine if it was I just would like to know for sure what it was versus just guessing. But I assume like Maggie I am just gonna have to move on from this

2) the house lights and the job application.

Okay how does the house have power and and water without the city noticing? How can maggie apply for a job with no social security number? I mean I assume because she is dead she cant use her real info. Or she could but wouldnt that make it easy for demons who may think to infiltrate government records to find them? I mean this is a nitpick and can be explained away by Magic, but still it was on my mind.

3) the mysterious figure at the end. Okay y'all, I assume it is Dark!Harry. But the more I thought about it, the more I got angry that they didnt show his face. Basically, that is leaving room that it could be someone else like one of the other new love interests or someone we havent met yet. I dont like that. If it is Dark!Harry we've already met him and know he is after the girls so most likely would be working with the demons. So showing him wouldnt be a big deal. But keeping the figure hidden means leaving that door of possibilites open. This has me paranoid now. Again nitpick. I'll get over it. Some people might like that.

Episode Highlights:

Comic relief Harry. Getting knocked down when orbing into the club and not being able to hold a map.

"I'll put a hex on you."

"I'm formidable!" You tell him!

Harry's wonky orbing in general. so confused so turned about.

Maggie being able to tell that Dark!Harry was not Harry. "Those are Harry's charges and family you cant fool them ya creep!!!"

Invisible mel putting a shovel to the side of Dark!Harry's face. "Yess!!!!"

Harry's puppy dog eyes when Macy says all she needs is a look to know who the real Harry is

#cw charmed #charmed remake #charmed reboot #charmed cw #charmed 2018 #charmed spoilers #charmed 2018 spoilers #hacy #mel vera #maggie vera #macy x harry #harry x macy #harry greenwood #macy vaughn

[angrycactusmother]

Falsettos Theory

Falsettos, a musical written by William Finn, about a 1979 family of man divorcing his wife, leaving his son and running off with a friend. It ends with Whizzer dying of AIDs, and a funeral. However, this end just might be the start of the deaths of everyone in Falsettos. The killer? An overlooked line.

1.

One theory that I want to touch on is Whizzer spreading AIDS to (mostly) everyone. This theory is shaky, but is still possible. What this idea is is that before Marvin left Trina, he and Whizzer had their affair, where Marvin got AIDs and passed them onto Trina before they divorced. When Trina got with Mendal, she also could have spread them to him as well, creating the three of them to die shortly after Whizzer. However, when looking at the evidence, this is where things start to get a little rough.

Whizzer and Marvin were together before they ran off, which is mentioned multiple times, one of them being in ‘I’m Breaking Down’.

‘I caught them in the den With Marvin grabbing Whizzer's ass!’

This implies that the two were together during the time of the marriage, as if she “caught” them they were trying to hide it, and if it was after the divorce they would be much more open about it. This is also mention once more in ‘A Breakfast Over Sugar’, from ‘In Trousers’.

“Hold me Hold him, too”

This is when Trina is pleading for Marvin to stay with her, even if he’s still with Whizzer. This reinforces the time of their affair to be during their marriage, which then means that AIDs could have spread to everyone.

However, there are some conflicting evidence to this. One of them being that the first time that Marvin and Whizzer have sex is right after he tells Trina he’s leaving her, with ‘Whizzer Going Down’ being right after ‘A Breakfast Over Sugar’. But the thing with ‘In Trousers’ is that it’s not entirely accurate. Much contradicting material is in that to the other two acts, so everything taken from this may not be the best source. For example, a second child is mentioned, which is later scraped to be just Jason. But that still does not necessarily mean that everything from it is wrong and must be ignored, but everything should be taken with a grain of salt.

Something from Falsettos itself though that disproves that is a line from ‘Thrill of First Love’.

“Whizzer screws too much to see What a joy's monogamy What a joy is saving his joys For one man”

This line was changed from the original line of

“Whizzer drinks too much to see What a joy is chastity What a joy is saving his joys For one man”

The word “monogamy” would suggest having only one partner at a time, while “chastity” would suggest no previous sexual relationships. This change can very well mean that Whizzer cheated on Marvin during their relationship, then contracted AIDs from one of his affairs, saving Trina and Mendal. While the change may not mean anything, it is possible that they rethought the connotation of this line, and changed it to spare the pair from the same fate of Marvin and Whizzer. Because whether or not the couple is bringing down his ex-wife, without a doubt Marvin has contracted the disease.

2.

However, this second theory affects Trina and thus Mendel directly, which is shown in overlooked lines in ‘Love is Blind’.

“Then Marvin came from work Sat me down on the bed He told me how he loved me How needed and/or valued me I have What? Syphilis”

“He took pains to not excite us He explains I've Hepatitis”

Both can lead to serious medical issues, and by Marvin giving them to Trina, it’s very likely that Whizzer and Mendel have them as well. They can lead to serious problems, and in worst cases, death.

Before I go into detail on these diseases, I will mention that finding death rates, infection rates, treatment, etc., is extremely difficult for this time period and some information might be wrong, but I will try to be as accurate as possible.

Syphilis is a “Syphilis is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) caused by bacteria...it can cause serious damage to your brain, heart, nervous system, and even lead to death.” With Syphilis, it’s easy for it to go undetected. Luckily for them, they were able to realize this. However, In the early 1980’s, there wasn’t a huge understanding of this disease. So, it is possible that they went untreated or improperly treated and they suffered the worst of it. Although with Syphilis, it can take decades for it to start becoming deadly. Nonetheless, this can still be a possible killer for the two couples.

Hepatitis is also a potential killer, “It can cause scarring of the organ, liver failure, and cancer.”Assuming that it’s specifically Hep B, it also has the dangers of reappearing.

“A new study indicates that most infected people don’t even learn they have the virus until it’s already too late for effective treatment...Able to effectively hide from the immune system, the hepatitis B virus can continue to replicate, produce viral proteins, and damage the body. Even worse, another new study reports that if a person’s immune system is weakened, as with HIV, the dormant hep B virus can spontaneously reactivate.”

So not only will they have to go through it once, it has the potential to reactivate unknowingly and then bring them in for a round two, where their lives are once more put onto stake.

While these might take longer than AIDs would, these have been stated directly and are much more likely to happen.

3.

So where does Jason and the lesbians lie in all of this? Well, the lesbians are safe. There’s no mention of them being diseased, or no inferring to do, unless you’re really going out on a limb. However, with Jason, his death is much more psychological.

He has to deal with the loss of four parents. He did consider Whizzer to be his dad, or at the very least a close friend. But it’s absolutely devastating for some to lose just one, but times that by four and you’ll have a real messed up kid, especially with how close in time they are. Marvin is going shortly after Whizzer, there’s no way he doesn’t have AIDs, but with Trina and Mendel, if they take the second route it may be much longer. However, if the first theory is correct and they do have AIDs, they all got infected around the same time and will most likely pass around the same time. It’s unknown for how long Whizzer had been HIV positive, so the others might go a little while after him, but still likely together.

This can hit hard for someone, especially a child, even more so Jason. He had to deal with crazy families, divorces, parental mental breakdowns, likely some form of negligence (which is a topic for another day), so much in such a short time. While Jason’s relationship with his father is uncertain, he is certainly close with his mother, as stated by his line in ‘Love is Blind’,

“I love my mother”

He also has a great relationship with Mendel, which you can see in ‘Everyone Hates His Parents’ and ‘Jason’s Therapy’.

There was also a strong relationship with Whizzer, as seen in ‘The Baseball Game’. After seeing Whizzer dying, he would certainly be incredibly distrubed by that, and knowing that his parents will likely have that same fate. All of this would put Jason in such a mental state he will likely never recover from, and in a time where mental health didn’t have the same importance it does today. It may lead Jason to reckless behaviors, like drug or alcohol abuse, or possibly taking his own life. Whether or not he actually dies, a part of him will, that he will never get back.

Sources

https://www.hivplusmag.com/treatment/2015/05/19/many-hepatitis-b-virus-learn-too-late-treatment

https://www.webmd.com/hepatitis/digestive-diseases-hepatitis-b

http://www.iwannaknow.org/teens/sti/syphilis.html

#falsettos #in trousers #musical #musicals #william finn #whizzer falsettos #marvin trilogy

[httplovecraft1890]

Tomie Head Canon Extravaganza

"'Don't talk about life or death,' she said. 'I've had enough of both.'" - The Waterboys, “A Girl Called Johnny” (1983)

I haven’t actually seen one of these floating around, and most of this is honestly just kind of fic material, but I figured I’d go ahead and just put up a general mapping of Tomie’s personal history that I recently sat down and came up. While it will be used for my own stories, anyone is free to use aspects of it if they so wish for their own stuff (RP, etc.), and while I understand some might be turned off by ‘explaining the monster’ given Ito’s penchant for not giving his audiences explanations, it was a fun mental exercise.

(Unknown who the original artist is, but I believe they’ve deleted their Tumblr account since making it)

Family History

“Gonna hang myself from my family tree.” - Sparks, “In My Family” (1974)

The Kawakami family’s origins lie in the southern half of Japan in what is modern day Shimane prefecture before they traveled further south to the port of Nagasaki, where for much of their history they remained as a family of fishermen. In 1588, they were among the first to be converted by the Portuguese at their diocese in the region, a faith that Tomie’s father maintained up until his death in 1974. Her mother’s family, the Hashimotos, had historically always been soldiers and could trace her ancestry to samurai in the employ of the Tokugawa shogunate in the city of Sagamihara in Kanagawa prefecture. 

Her father, Abraham Kawakami (1937-1974) - Japanese Christians oftentimes adopt Western names or will utilize both a traditional one as well as another and there was no way I was missing out an opportunity to have her dad’s name mean ‘father of many’ - was part of the country’s noveau riche that had sprung up during the post-World War II American occupation that benefited with the abolition of the aristocracy and breaking up of the zaibatsu following their nation’s defeat. The Kawakami family under the enterprise of Abraham’s dad, Peter, changed professions and began a steel plant back in their old homeland of Shimane, based out of Tokyo. With an eager foreign backer ready to help rebuild the islands to prevent the spread of Communism, Peter’s competitiveness and aggressive but fair business practices led his family to wealth virtually overnight. Despite this, Peter always had poor health throughout his life and was really only building an empire so that his son might take over in his stead after he passed on. His mother, Mary (also descended from a line of Japanese Christians), was a homemaker and did not adjust well to being a CEO’s wife, preferring to avoid functions as much as she could

Tomie’s mother, Chouko Hashimoto (1932-present), was one of the most popular actresses - and sex symbols - in the 1950s and 1960s in Japan, starring in everything from TV shows, movies, and even radio programs, getting her start in the 1951-1957 historical soap opera, How Silent Fall the Cherry Blossoms, set during the Meiji Restoration at just 19. Chouko’s, and Tomie’s, good looks are somewhat genetic as her father, Toshiro Hashimoto, was a prestigious pilot for the Imperial Japanese Army Air Service and was known for appearing in news broadcast reels as propaganda for the war due to his clean cut, handsome appearance. He did not live to see the end of the war, however, and his plane was shot down during opening hours of the Battle of Okinawa (April 1, 1945). Though she would always deny it publicly in interviews, her radio body of work was directly inspired by her mother’s, Ai, role as a ‘Tokyo Rose’ during the final days of the war (a term used by Americans to refer to female Japanese broadcasters fluent in English who tried to goad them into deserting the armed services). 

Despite Peter’s religiosity, it was something that only came intermittently to Abraham. Scarred by the destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the war’s end, for a long time he was a lapsed Catholic, and didn’t take going to church particularly seriously - a source of friction between his parents and himself. It also didn’t help that in his father’s waning years before losing his battle with stomach cancer, Abraham took to all sorts of debauchery and heavy drinking, the latter causing his own inner demons to unleash themselves for the rest of his short life.

Chouko and Abraham met at a Christmas party hosted by Kawakami Metals in Tokyo in the winter of 1968 and hit it off. Quickly seeing one another for casual hookups, the situation became much more serious in early 1969 when Chouko found out she was pregnant, and a marriage ceremony was quickly held to save public face for both parties (in Abraham’s case especially important as Peter had died not long into the new year and he had been confirmed by the board of his family’s company as the new CEO). Given Japanese social mores, it was effectively the end of Chouko’s career as she would be expected to retire and raise the baby, as well as any other she and Abraham might have in the future - something that greatly disappointed and angered her. 

Tomie was born on October 31, 1969 in Tokyo, Japan (this is a reference to her first appearance in the shoujo magazine Monthly Halloween, as well as being 18 years from that year, a safe bet to assume the first chapter’s story takes place in as there is no mention of DNA testing on her remains - something that became commonplace as part of police procedures roughly at around this time). 

Her baptized name is Anna - a diminutive of Hannah, ‘favor’ or ‘grace’ in Hebrew - was a name her dad would refer to as, but something her mother wouldn’t, and was a source of tension between the two of them (given she was not a Christian), something that became more important to Abraham in the wake of his dad’s passing. This is a reference to the movie Tomie: Forbidden Fruit; the bit about her family being Christian is a nod to a throwaway scene from Tomie: Beginning where she quotes the bible, of all things.

Though much more bearable when her father was alive, Chouko’s treatment of Tomie as a child was always one of general detachment and disinterest at best, something that grew into actual abuse once Abraham’s illness, alcoholism, caught up with him in 1974 when after a night of heavy drinking at a party hosted at his family’s home, ended up with him drowning in his own vomit, only to be discovered by a 5-year-old Tomie the following morning.

Despite never marrying again, Chouko mistakenly believed herself set for life as she had taken the Kawakami surname, and the company’s founding documents made provisions for the family to receive a cut of the profits once control had been turned over to the board of directors. Never one to manage money well, despite the stipend she received, she and Tomie eventually found themselves living barely above the poverty line.

Childhood

“Mama's gonna make all your nightmares come true. Mama's gonna put all her fears into you. Mama's gonna keep you right here under her wing. She won't let you fly, but she might let you sing. ” - Pink Floyd, “Mother” (1979)

Unlike the girl that the manga-reading public is familiar with, Tomie growing up was a much different character at first. Despite being photogenic, she had an incredibly shy nature that often meant she would not open up to others easily, something that ultimately evolved into outright being emotionally stunted due to the frequent and varying types of abuse she received at the hands of a mother who hated her, seeing her as the reason her future had collapsed.

With the idea that talking = being hurt seared into her, Tomie’s school life was not much better than being at home. Her beautiful appearance meant that girls were frequently jealous of being shown up by her and her reticent demeanor towards others meant that boys saw her as stuck up or seeing herself above them. With school administrations loathe to address bullying, Tomie was an easy target for her peers to pick on. This only served to further the idea in her mind that human beings are capable only of cruelty and that kindness by others is only as good as how much they believe it will benefit them to act that way.

Reiko Mizutani was Tomie’s first - and only - real friend. They met in middle school in their first year, with Reiko being the first person who ever tried to reach out to her and establish some kind of human connection. Despite many of her initial attempts being rebuffed, Tomie ultimately relented in the hopes she would finally be left alone, but quickly latched onto the other girl when it became apparent that someone, at last, was treating her well. Even if perhaps on some level she believed it was a lie, it was a worthwhile delusion to hold, making her the one exception to Tomie’s rule about mankind. She’s also the only victim of hers that Tomie has ever felt any kind of remorse in eating/absorbing.

Speaking of Reiko, her efforts at getting Tomie to come out of her shell are also the very same thing that set her on her eventual downward spiral. At first simply trying to avoid further harassment, it became readily apparent to Tomie that it was easy to get things out of others by using false promises or at least feeding them enough bread crumbs that they’d be strung along by her for no other reason than they felt she was attractive or they happened to be intimidated by her. The older she became, the worse she got, though she she always did spare Reiko her later attitude when they were in private together.

The positive feedback loop of being awful to others yet simultaneously cowing them never made much of a difference at home. Even if she could put on a brave act while at school, it didn’t matter when facing Chouko’s wrath. Tomie being on the receiving end of physical violence didn’t begin with men, it instead began with her mother hitting her for minor mistakes, using her firsts or the closes object to her. Tomie’s numerous ‘boyfriends’ often remarked that the only thing imperfect about her were bruises or scars.

There was nothing particularly special about her relationship with Yamamoto or Mr. Takagi; she’d cheated on those she’d been in relationships before, but it was the first time that it had ever blown up in Tomie’s face. Despite not caring much for Yamamoto personally, it was Takagi who made the first move, which Tomie did reciprocate (the signature mole underneath her eye vaguely reminded Takagi of a porn star he liked) and being middle-aged meant that his tenure at Tomie’s school gave him a bit of money to throw around for compensated dating.

Manipulative and cruel as she ended up becoming in spite of Reiko’s best efforts, Tomie’s fear that she was pregnant was correct: she was indeed with child and afraid of the consequences, not only from the rest of society, but her mother especially. His later status as a thrall of Tomie’s posing as her father on numerous occasions is meant to reflect his attempted shirking of responsibility.

It fudges with the time frame a bit, but Tomie’s (first) death was on July 13, 1987 occurred exactly one week when they were supposed to go on summer break and the events of the first chapter occurred shortly after class 1-B’s return in August.  (This date in particular was chosen as it’s inverse of Junji Ito’s birthday July 31).

Life After Death

“I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge, I don't want to follow Death and all of his friends." - Coldplay, “Death and All His Friends” (2008)

Despite being close to her father growing up, it turns out his conception of the afterlife was wrong - or at least not applicable to her. Tomie ended up in Meido, or the Buddhist version of hell with some Chinese folklore tossed in. After crossing the River Sanzu to proceed onto the afterlife, Tomie’s soul immediately faces problems from the underworld’s bureaucracy. Namely that her life was a complicated one and that’s seriously effecting their judgment on her fate. None of the kings present can decide on what to do with her or what level she should end up on. Her lecherous and selfish behavior is something that would’ve normally damned her... but the circumstances of her death shock them. Betrayed by not only her teacher, but a classroom that almost entirely hated her? It was clearly an unwarranted punishment from mortals, an idea that they balk at. However, what seals Tomie’s fate is that among those who betrayed her is someone whose life is relatively free of any kind of bad karma: Reiko. Unsure of what to do in extenuating circumstances such as this, the kings make their decision.

With no options left, they kick Tomie out of Meido and onto a diferent plane entirely: that of the more traditional Japanese afterlife, Yomi. This, too, is much like the Western conception of purgatory though without any kind of the fire or brimstone seemingly found in the former location. Meido’s judges have determined that the only being who has the right to see Tomie’s fate decided satisfactorily is the primordial goddess Izanami.

Izanami, annoyed that this trivial matter is being brought before her, almost does away with Tomie’s soul entirely but she stops her, mentioning that the two of them are kindred. Since Izanami’s bet with her brother-husband eons ago saw her committed to killing more humans than he could bring into the world, Tomie believes that the only sensible solution is to have someone working in the mortal realm who can help expedite the process of creating strife. After all, the terms and conditions of the bet were vague and there was no specification from either party that the same soul passing on had to be different. With that in mind, as well as having her own deep seated desire to hurt men, Izanami acquiesces.

Tomie lays out her terms: she will be allowed to return to life as an agent of Izanami’s on her own terms. She cannot die permanently though her physical body may be destroyed, will not age unless she wills it, luck must forever fall in her favor, and she can manipulate anyone she chooses. Izanami agrees since to her something like this is trivial and it allows her to get back at Izanagi, but she requires one last thing: proof that Tomie is willing to uphold her end of the bargain. To that end, Tomie offers her the soul of her just formed child as compensation and is allowed to return to earth, setting up the events of the original Tomie.

Abilities and Powers

“I thought that I was in heaven But I was sure surprised. Heaven help me, I didn’t see The devil in your eyes.” - Elvis Presley, “(You’re the) Devil in Disguise” (1963)

Functionally speaking, Tomie’s manipulation of others works like she were an emotional vampire: the other person must be emotionally vulnerable, just like she was when Reiko met her years ago, for her to have an ‘in.’ If at some point you ‘fall in love with her’ or are weak enough to be unable to resist her, there’s nothing you can do to rid yourself of her until it’s too late. This ability is also not based on sexual attraction either. “Orphan Girl” proves that she can manipulate people based on nothing more than platonic affection as well, so straight women or gay men can’t even consider themselves safe.

Tomie prefers to revive herself from her own body rather than absorbing others. There are a few reasons for that, but the foremost one is that it’s simply less taxing on her. The other is that occupying the same body means sharing the same soul as another, and this is the reason why Tomies who are generated in others are far less cooperative than those who come from Tomie Prime (for lack of a better term). Traits from the previous girl’s life often find themselves seeping into this new version of Tomie and it’s something she absolutely despises. 

Eating human flesh as a quicker way of healing herself is, obviously, not something she agreed to do, but something Izanami forced her to do as it 1) amused her and 2) didn’t want Tomie getting too arrogant about her newfound powers.

Despite what was mentioned above about Tomie’s preferred regeneration methods, there is a benefit to taking in those who aren’t her. Tomie’s memories function much like a cloud computing system - they’re all accessible by any of the ghost clones and still exist even in the inevitable death of those who’re using them. Similarly, skill sets that Tomie could gain such as being able to speak/read/write English fluently, learning how to be a stewardess, the intimate knowledge of a particular mathematician become hers once her mind mingles with another’s. Once again similarly to a vampire, though, Tomie must manipulate the girl into letting her absorb them into herself (seen arguably in the manga chapter “Hair” and a frequent subject of the Tomie movies). She does this, in true Hollywood movie monster fashion, by keeping all the souls of the girls she’s absorbed over the years (or men who’ve been manipulated by her and died) to further her own abilities’ growth, thus explaining why she seems to get stronger as the series progresses. They are collected in a place her mind can sink into once it’s damaged enough called the ‘In-Between Place,’ a kind of personal fiefdom she has in Yomi itself.

Her effect on men, or women, who become attracted to her is very similar to a heavy sleep, with few being able to recall any details of their experiences while under her sway, but going from relatively normal and functioning within society to raving lunatics hellbent on her murder.

Unlike characters such as Deadpool or Wolverine, Tomie isn’t immune to the pain of being hurt. Getting cut, stabbed, electroctued, drowned, beaten with an object, etc. all still feel just as horrible as they would to a regular human, it’s just that they aren’t permanent obstacles. 

Shintoism places a high premium on the phrase “cleanliness is next to godliness.” The worlds of the living and dead are not meant to intertwine and historically even people who so much as touched corpses like butchers, graveyard workers, etc. formed an underclass called burakumin who were treated as the dregs of society (and soft discrimination still continues to this day despite the Meiji reforms abolishing the shogunate’s caste system). Fire being one of the few things that kill Tomie is an extension of this idea, as a common superstition is that corpses that are buried or left to rot above ground can become haunts for evil spirits, but turning someone to ashes prevents that possibility. It’s her one Achilles’ heel due to the paradoxical nature of her origin.

Though Tomie occasionally refers to herself as a ‘demon,’ as I explained early on, this is not accurate: she’s a ghost, albeit a physical one. Calling herself an oni, though, is more of her cheekily referring to the idea that her purpose is, technically speaking, a divine one... just in a very twisted manner as oni are often in depictions of versions of the afterlife among Japan’s main religions of Shintoism and Buddhism acting as tormentors or obstacles to be overcome in some fashion.

Her luck powers are not readily apparent, usually not even to her, and they often simply just ‘happen’ rather than occur by her will. Whether it be from a traveler who just happens to pass by her, surviving something just long enough to spin it in her favor, etc. there’s usually an out for Tomie, especially as her strength grows.

Once she’s powerful enough, Tomie probably could use men to revive herself with - or even those who aren’t ethnically Japanese - but she’s not quite there yet.

Tomie doesn’t like for there to be too many copies of herself at any given time if she can help it. Not only does it put suspicion on her presence in multiple locations at once, it’s something of a mental drain on her to be split into so many different bodies at once.

Similarly, while she hypothetically could leave Japan and go abroad, Tomie doesn’t dare do so out of the fear that at least one version of herself will die for good as her magic might very well be tied to the land itself. But, again, if she were to grow stronger then who knows what she could do...

Miscellaneous

"...Look at me, I'm all the fishes in the sea." - Fiona Apple, “Daredevil” (2012)

If you scrape underneath the surface, there really isn’t much of Tomie from a personality perspective. Even with her immortality, she never really ever developed a personality or interests. In many ways she’s still the terrified little girl cowering underneath her sheets at night, wondering if her mother will find an excuse to hurt her. Her sociopathy is learned, not inherent, but she still lacks genuine interests other than hoarding wealth just the same.

That said, her demand of caviar and foie gras is something of a personal joke for her. They were Chouko’s favorite luxury food items and she would often lament that she could no longer afford them after Abraham’s death. Even after all this time, Tomie is using her powers to spite her mother by obtaining something she knows she can’t have.

Despite the fact she seems virtually fearless on the surface, outside of Chouko, Tomie has developed an intense entomophobia (fear of insects) and helminthophobia (fear of worms) ever since she returned to life. If she’s partially healed like, say, a decapitated head she can still feel something like a cockroach nibbling at her flesh. Despite this, she does feel a spiritual connection so to speak with their hardiness.

The only man she’s ever genuinely loved was her father. She’s less angry at him dying than she is of him leaving her alone with her mother. All others are expendable tools at best to further her own goals.

Her favorite flowers are lilies, owing to Abraham’s childhood nickname for her (also ironic symbolism as white lilies are a common item in funeral arrangements in Japan as symbols of death).

She probably does enjoy sex, but is almost certainly highly selective of which of her thralls gets the ‘honor’ of touching her in that way (though innuendo is likely employed by her to get those who are more hesitant than others to give in to her). Even if she does find her partner agreeable, she probably still puts him down anyway, but playing it off as a kink.

In a break with many other Tomie fans, I don’t particularly think she’s lesbian; I’d personally phrase her sexuality as “doom” more than anything else. Men are her ‘preference,’ if it can be termed that, to stomp their egos into the dirt and ruin their lives, but if employing her usual tricks on women is necessitated in some manner, she wouldn’t hesitate to do so. Any perceived gentleness towards them is more due to having to break down Japan’s traditional sexual mores and get them to lower their guard, however.

She sees herself as personally being above morality, hence why disturbing chapters like “Boy” portray her as being overly physical with someone much younger than herself, while in “Passing Demon” an 8-year-old copy sees no issue with trying to seduce someone much older. That kind of thing is for humans - something she doesn’t believe herself to be anymore.

That said, in the In-Between Place, Tomie has kept Reiko’s spirit ‘alive’ as best she can. Unlike its ‘roommates,’ it’s the closest thing to how she was in life that’s still possible for her in her prison. If there’s anyone other than her father that Tomie can said to have loved, it would probably be Reiko, and she’s the only person Tomie probably romantically had any affection for (not that she would recognize it as such).

The laugh she’s often portrayed as having, a light, airy thing meant to imitate a noblewoman’s speech pattern, is actually something she manufactured. Tomie’s laugh - still possible to coax out of her if you surprise her well enough - is extremely dorky, including snorting and all.

#tomie #junji ito #tomie kawakami #horror #manga #head canon #random notes

[issacisrael]

Ten Things I Learned

Here are ten things I learned from the death of my father. Now, by no means, am I saying with this post "I should have" or "I could have". This is not a post to beat myself up. These are just matter-of-fact lessons I will remember as I move forward in life. At the end of these ten lessons, I share the eulogy that I wrote about my father for the church service. It is a quick summary of my father's 82 years of life and 50 years of marriage with my mother.

Before I share the ten things, I do have to mention something funny that happened today. I spoke to my mother and asked her, "Mom, did Dad say goodbye to you before he left? He seemed to be saying goodbye to a lot of people like he knew it was going to happen." She responded, "No. He didn't say goodbye. The only thing he said was that we would go to the movies tomorrow and watch the new Marvel movie 'Black Widow' with Scarlett Johannson. But instead of watching Black Widow, I ended up becoming a widow." Then she laughed. I am glad that she has a sense of humor about things.

So now onto the ten lessons. These are in no particular order.

#10 - Never pass up the opportunity to check-in on your parents.

For the last couple of years prior to my father's death, I was living with him and my mother. I brought him to the hospital and picked him up when it was needed; and my son and I were the first ones to discover that he died. During this time period, since I saw him every day, the times when I would leave the house or enter the house, I did not always check-in on my parents. I did my own thing in terms of work or parenting or my social activities. There were times I could have checked in on my father, and had I made it a habit, I may have noticed earlier on the day that he died - that his heart stopped. I might have noticed this an hour or two earlier - rather than the time I found him when he had already been dead - possibly one to three hours after his death.

#9 - Take the time to learn about your family member's medical condition.

I knew that my father had cardiovascular disease. I knew his arteries were clogged. I knew his heart was only functioning at 25%. I knew he was a ticking time bomb. And I knew he went to the hospital twice in the past eight months for chest pain. But this was only superficial medical information that I had received second hand verbally. I never really researched what was happening to my father and his health. I believe that had I known more, maybe my conversations and actions with him would have been a bit different because I would have felt a greater urgency to have things organized prior to his death or I would have thought of other ways to talk to him about managing his health.

#8 - Pay attention to the changes in the Matrix.

My father was a disciplined man of routines and habits. Whenever there was a change in any of this, he always had a reason. I saw these changes, but I really didn't think anything about them. Looking back, maybe I would have paid more attention. For example, my father was frugal. He didn't like to spend any money. We used to go to a weekly informal chess group at Jersey Mike's Sandwich Shop. He didn't like to spend money there. He was only there for chess. But during the last three weeks of his life, he would ask me and my son if we wanted to buy anything at the sandwich shop, and he said it was his treat. Also, on the day before he died, he asked me to play chess against him. He never asked me to do that at the chess club. My games with him were usually done at the house because we always saw each other. It was strange that he would ask me to play chess at the club. I told him no. Then I asked him to play against my friend Lee instead. Also, the day before he died, he asked my mother to go to the movies. He never liked paying to go to the movies. These little habits could have signaled to me that he saw his life coming to an end.

#7 - Refer to many sources before making a medical decision.

The last time I was at the hospital with my father two months prior to his death, the doctor and staff told my father what the medical staff told him 6 months prior at a different hospital. He needed to get an angiogram and then probably a stent. He had to decide whether or not to undergo this invasive procedure at the age of 82. The doctor and staff didn't take the time to explain the procedure or the consequences in depth. They didn't have time. The hospital was full. They just told him the basic information of what they believed needed to be done based on his EEG and the consequences of what could happen to him if he refused. They said if he did not want to listen to them, he would have to sign off that he would be leaving the hospital on his own volition. Basically, I tried convincing Dad as best I could to stay in the hospital and get the procedures done. But I did this with only the information given to me by the staff and the doctor. I did not really read extensively about angiograms or stents nor did I call many of my family members and friends that were doctors and nurses. I could have called them and gotten more information to help my father make a more informed decision that he would be comfortable with. My father, with the little information he had about stents and angiograms, decided to make his own gut decision to leave the hospital because he believed he would not be able to survive the procedures at the age of 82. He said he had a "bad gut feeling". So he left (and I let him leave) and two months later, he died.

#6 - Let your parent's spouse go with their gut on how to take care of their spouse.

When my father got home from the hospital, I didn't know what to do and I knew my father was a ticking time bomb as the doctor said. So I argued with my mother about putting him on an all-vegan diet. After much argument and yelling, she relented and Dad was on a mostly vegan diet for his last two months on this planet. We were arguing because I thought a vegan diet would give him his last fighting chance to stay alive with a clogged heart. My mother's argument was that she wanted to keep him on his non-vegetable Filipino diet because it was the foods that he loved and that made him happy. My father ended up dying two months after that argument. So maybe I should have gone with what my mother said and let him eat whatever he wanted and whatever made him happy during the last two months of his life.

#5 - Your life has a shot clock.

A shot clock is a timer in a basketball game that gives each team a certain number of seconds during each possession to shoot the ball and hit the basket. When the timer is up, a buzzer goes off and the team loses possession if the ball has not hit the basket. Everyone has dreams and goals, but our dreams and goals have a shot clock just like the basketball game. I wanted my father to see me accomplish many things before he died. I also wanted to do a number of things for him and and my mother before he died. But the buzzer went off before I could do those things. I didn't have a sense of urgency because one never things his parents will ever die. But they do, and when they do, will you be satisfied with what you showed them and what you gave them in your life?

#4 - It is okay not to be the same after your parents' death.

There is a quote by Elizabeth Kubler Ross about death and dying that was apropos for the funeral service which I read to my family and friends. Here is the quote. "The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not get over the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same, nor would you want to be."

A parent's death does indeed transform you. It is powerful and can be positive in many ways. Take advantage of it and live a greater life from the experience you have gained from your parent's life and death.

#3 - Your parent has already seen a glimpse of what you will become or what you will accomplish.

One may believe that there is so much that has not been completed that he wanted his father or his parent to see, but he will not be able to. Have comfort in knowing that the mere fact that your parent has seen you at least begin your journey to these accomplishments is enough for him to know of what you may or will become.

#2 - Even though your parent is dead, they are still watching over your life.

Your parent is watching you beyond the grave. When big things happen in your life, they will see it and their spirit will continue to be with you for the rest of your life. No matter what you believe, their energy is still there.

#1 - Do everything as early as possible.

I got my father on a vegan diet two months before he died. Imagine if I would have gotten him on a vegan diet 17 years ago after his quadruple bypass, what might have his heart function have been? Could he have lived longer? Could going vegan have reversed the clogging in his heart? I don't know. But changing his diet two months before he died was not enough time.

This lesson also applies to the at-home activities I wanted to do with my father. I wanted to make a recording of him sharing his life to a video camera. I never got around to it because I really didn't believe he would die when he did.

And as annoying as it may sound, this lesson applies to funeral preparation, insurance, last will and testament, power of attorney, and all the other matters that a family does not want to discuss but should discuss for the sake of ease of transition after the passing of the family member.

ROMAN SOLIONGCO PEREDO, JR EULOGY

Here is the eulogy that I read for my Dad at the church service:

In the next 3-5 minutes, I seek to encapsulate the entire 82 years of my father’s life in this eulogy. I only have 3-5 minutes to do this because the barbecue beef brisket that we have for lunch is getting cold.

First, I would like to thank my son Grady (bring Grady to the podium). My son Grady was a brave young man as he was the one who first found my father and he was the one who helped me unlock the front door to my parents' house for the paramedics while I was upstairs giving my dad CPR compressions. I would like to thank my brother and sister, Perry and Pamela; my mother; my aunt and uncle, Tito Ben and Tita Vilma; and my aunt Tita Tita for being a tremendous support when we found out about my father’s death, for helping one another and organizing all the activities for today and for next week’s cremation.

I want to thank all of you for coming today especially everyone that changed their schedule within a 24 hour time period to attend these services today to pay respects to my father.

So, about my Dad. My father, Roman Soliongco Peredo, Jr. was born in 1938 in Pasay City Philippines. Pasay is somewhat similar to Las Vegas in that it has a casino, it has large buildings, it has a big mall, and it has a red light district. My Dad loved Pasay City and he loved Las Vegas.

Dad was born three years before the entry of the US into World War 2. He would tell us stories about how the shrapnel from the mortar rockets and shells from the Japanese bombings would fatally injure his family and friends during that difficult time. He told us about how during the Japanese occupation, there were Japanese soldiers that would knock him down on his knees as a child with the butt of their guns. But he also told a story about how another Japanese soldier was nice to him because my Dad reminded the Japanese soldier of his son. So Dad would get treats from him.

It is only recently that I found out my father was part of a Pasay City gang when he was a teenager. But then he grew out of that because he had to grow up fast as his mother died at the age of 25 and his father died at the age of 49. So he didn’t get to see much of either of his parents. His father was an engineer on the naval ships so he would be away from my dad for months at a time. But even though he was away, he was able to save enough money and secure enough clout with the government to help get my Dad into De La Salle college, one of the top business schools in the Philippines. And it is at that college, where he graduated at the age of 18 because he skipped two grades in elementary school and he was able to finish up his college courses a year early. My Dad did AP classes before there were AP classes. That’s why I think AP stands for At Pasay.

Since Dad graduated college so early, it was hard for him to get a job since he was so young, so he decided to study for the CPA exam and compete in the Philippine National Junior Chess Tournament. He passed the CPA exam and he placed 8th in the country in the chess tournament.

My Dad worked for a couple of banks in the Philippines. One of them was Peoples Bank, where he met many of his lifelong friends, including my Uncle Ben. My uncle Ben introduced him to my mother. They knew each other for 6 years and then got married on October 3, 1970 at Pope Pius Church and the Manila Hotel. They were married for 50 years. Last October was their 50th anniversary. They had three children and 4 grandchildren, 2 step grandchildren, and a partridge in a pear tree.

When my father and mother came to the US in 1975, they first came to New York and then New Jersey. My dad worked for a couple of different banks until he finally settled at the New York State Banking Department for 25 years. At the NYSB, he was the first Filipino-American to be named a Principal Bank Examiner giving him the responsibility to audit the largest banks in the world. Knowing this about my Dad, I never told him about the overdraft I had in one of my bank accounts a few years ago.

My father and mother took Perry, Pamela, and me on road trips all over the United States. Dad loved roller coasters and he wanted Perry, Pam, and me to always ride on roller coasters with him, but I was too scared of roller coasters. Eventually I realized I was more scared of my father, so I started riding roller coasters too. We visited the top 50 amusement parks in the United States during these road trips over a 12 year period.

My father retired at the age of 65 and enjoyed retirement for 17 years. He loved watching sports - college football, women’s soccer, the WNBA, the Olympics, the World Cup; and he also loved to watch the arts – the Academy Awards, Grammy Awards, and the Miss Universe and Miss USA pageants. He loved science-fiction and Star Trek and he loved learning about aliens and UFOs. I believe when he passed that he truly thought everything came from aliens and UFOs. He even thought my mom, Perry and Pam could be aliens from another galaxy. As for me, he knew without a doubt I was an alien because I am half a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier than everyone in the family.

My father had amazing penmanship and an awesome signature. His writing was much like his life – it was elegant, exacting, and truly beautiful.

#father #parent #family #advice #life tips #life hacks #good advice

[rilenerocks]

The other morning, I walked into my house after working out in the yard. As usual, I was sweaty, my normal state once the temperature rises above 70• F. My standard complaint has always been the same – “man, am I hot.” When Michael was alive, he’d always answer that comment with the same response – “you’re telling me.” A part of me never believed him because I was keenly aware of my physical imperfections. But he really didn’t agree with me. I was lucky enough to spend decades with someone who always made me feel beautiful and desirable. What a great gift to leave me. On this particular day, my son was clacking away at his computer at the dining room table when I came in and spouted my “hot” line. I’ve told my kids what their dad used to say to me so I asked him for the proper reply to my prompt. He refused me, saying he knew the answer but that it wasn’t appropriate for him to say it. I got it. I can see where he’d think that was an off-color remark for a son to say to his mom, even though I was just testing his memory. I said I understood his point, then told him that some day when I wasn’t around any more, he’d still remember what those words meant to me. He looked at me and asked, “and what things did your mom say that you still remember?” I was surprised by the question and initially was at a loss for a response. But I’ve been thinking about this for days.

The phrase “that’s what she said,” is an iteration of a British double entendre implying some sort of sexual behavior.  Through Steve Carell’s use of it multiple times in the television series, “The Office,” the expression became popularized in America. But that sexist humor isn’t the connotation that I’m intending in this reflection. Rather, I’ve been pondering what comments, bits of advice, suggestions or instructions stick in our minds as we traverse our lives. The words you never forget, out of all those spoken to you by your family, your friends, your teachers, your mentors. In my case, I’d also include lines from books, movies and songs in that collection of the words that resonate, long after they’re initially heard. I’ve been trying to think of what different people have said to me, words that have stayed with me, which pop up randomly in my mind. And maybe even more significantly, what have I said to others, my family, my friends or even acquaintances, that they still hear in their minds. Isn’t it true that we are composite creatures, made up of input from so many sources we can’t possibly distinguish what got integrated into our perception of self? I remember once I was walking along on a sidewalk, and coming toward me was a woman pushing a stroller with a baby aboard, somewhere between 15-18 months old. As we got close, the baby and I made eye contact which we held for about ten seconds. As I moved past them, I remember thinking that the little moment of recognition we shared is stored somewhere in that person’s brain. I was old enough to remember that brief connection. For the baby who hopefully grew up, my image is tucked away somewhere, in the folds of its brain. 

But the words, though. My mind is packed with memories that I’m lucky enough to access regularly. If that ends, I hope I’m not alive. During this pandemic experience which I share with countless people, I’ve turned inward to reflect on my life. Having the ability to recall the places I’ve lived, literally strolling through physical spaces in my brain is fascinating. I’m reminded of the lyrics from the Beatles song “In My Life,” which is an example of the words that stuck with me over these 55 years since its release when I was just fourteen. As I’ve been sifting through my son’s question – what I remember of what my mother said to me, the aural landscape has gotten bigger. I’ve even given it a title – Ancestral Noise. What a surprising study I’m in right now. Both the presence and absence of verbal memories from some people who played a central role in my life, at least for awhile, is a mystery.

For example, I can’t recall a single word my maternal grandfather said to me, despite the fact that I spent as much time with him as I did with my grandmother. I can hear her talking all the time. The insignificant comments of random and mostly irrelevant people that still ring in my head seem absurd. So I decided I had to codify some of them. Otherwise they’ll disappear when I do and although that’s inevitable to a large degree, my historian impulse is to leave tracks of myself in my little universe so that my children, grandchildren and whoever may arrive after them, will have some sense of what influences affected the me I am today. So here’s a sampling of what’s emerged from the verbal past. My ancestral noise.

Mom. I thought about her first because she was certainly the most talkative person in my life, much like I am with my family. At first, I was hard put to think of anything but her stories, the growing up ones of hardship, her small victories over her rigid mother, her love story with my dad, her wretched ill health and her remarkable survival skills. But actual words? That took a bit of digging. Eventually, I dredged some of them out. The Dorothy-isms. “I always wanted to be a dancer.” Mom was always wishing she was something other than who she was. A way of being worth noting for me as her child. I didn’t want to do that.   “Never put anything in writing.” Ever paranoid, she believed in leaving no evidence which could be used against you (I guess I didn’t give that advice much weight.) “When I die, I’m never leaving you-I’m going to hover over you and protect you.” That one was interesting because the truth is, I starting protecting her when I was quite young. Everyone is entitled to the occasional illusion. “I could never survive the death of my child.” Another interesting memory for me, as I forced a tough decision on my conflicted family regarding this memory. When  my brother died, my mom was afflicted with dementia. I had never forgotten what she said. I was here with her providing care in addition to holding her power of attorney. I wouldn’t let anyone tell her he was gone. A controversy ensued but I prevailed.  All I could think of was her unnecessary pain and confusion as this lifelong dreaded event actually happened. She died a few months later. I’ve never regretted that decision. Maybe the most practical advice she ever gave me was to remember to be creative about keeping my marriage fresh over the long haul. Although that was impossibly sexist counsel, I did think a lot about putting my relationship with my husband first, as I wanted to be with him after our kids moved on. I implemented that philosophy. Not much sage advice after spending over 60 years with someone. She had a great sense of humor and could come up with  sarcastic zingers. But there’s nothing that earth-shattering resounding in my head from mom.

Ironically, my dad, who wasn’t known for being particularly verbal, said a lot of things which carried me through different periods in my life. Parts of him were utterly childlike and ridiculous. He called the four of us kids “little drips.” “Wake up and go to sleep.” “Why don’t you dry up?” “How about taking a long walk off a short pier?” “What’s the matter with you-you got rocks in your head?” “Did you marry your teacher today?” “Did you do your scientific studies?” “You know your mother’s crazy, don’t you? I could go on. Maybe all these inanities stuck with me because mostly, his head was usually buried in a newspaper so his pronouncements were memorable. But there was serious stuff too. “You have to make a plan and stick with it even if you get offtrack for awhile.” An excellent piece of advice. “You’re going to be smarter than many people in life. The average American voter is uneducated. When you believe in something, stick to your principles and don’t back down, no matter what.” Those words are central in my daily life and always have been. “When it comes to financial decisions, you rarely hit the high or sink to the low. Aim for some reasonable goals and don’t look back.” He explained a lot about how the world works to me. He also called me names like con artist and weasel. I can’t fault him for that. I was a streetsmart kid. A squeamish guy, not as physically courageous as my mom, when he got cancer, he bravely announced that he would beat it “the way Grant took Richmond.” He only got through one round of chemo before quitting. Unable to confess that to my mom, he told me first and asked me to arrange his funeral. A young woman in my 30’s, I did what he wanted. Years later, I figured out how inappropriate a choice that was for me. I also remember how incredible I felt when, while home from college in my freshman year, I was the only person available when my grandmother called early in the morning, shouting that my grandfather had collapsed. I called the fire department and ran a mile through the snow to their apartment, winding up in an ambulance tearing down Lake Shore Drive in Chicago. No cell phones in those days, so I was on my own while my grandmother was sedated and I stayed with my grandfather, being his advocate at the tender age of eighteen. Later that evening when my parents came to the hospital and eventually took me home, my dad said, “do you realize you saved your grandfather’s life today?” I’ve never forgotten that moment. I also remember our verbal war when he threatened to disown my sister if she married a non-Jew. I told him he’d have to disown me too and reminded him that he was the one who told me to stand up for my beliefs. He found me very irritating back then.  Finally, my dad was a an avid lifelong Democrat. When he was annoyed with Republicans, he’d always say, “death to the vipers.” At my sister’s wedding rehearsal dinner, her husband’s family, who were mostly on the other side of the political spectrum, were treated to my dad’s pronouncement following a few cocktails, shouting out, “the only good Republican is a dead Republican.” Oh my. Those are my most prominent memories of my dad’s voice.

I can hear my maternal grandmother’s voice frequently. An immigrant, she spoke decent English with some scrambled words like saying she was having her description, rather than prescription, filled at the drugstore. She was smart but illiterate, a product of a truly male-dominated culture. She didn’t see her way out of that. But she was sharp-tongued and used a lot of Yiddish phrases, most of them judgmental and demeaning. “Gey cocken offen yom – go take a shit in the ocean.” “Gey avek – get out of here.” “Momzer, schmendrick, schlemiel – bastard, fool and stupid, respectively.” When she thought something was funny, she’d say, “gib a kick,” which meant look at that. She told all of us grandchildren individually that each of us was the only person she could trust while she confided her complaints to everyone. She liked watching baseball because she thought the players were sexy, especially when they adjusted their protective cups. She paid attention to politics and I remember her muttering that Ronald Reagan was a stupid cowboy. She was a compulsive cleaner, plastic covering her furniture which was so sticky and hot in the summer. Perhaps her most famous line was – “you can eat off my floors.”

I barely remember any specific thing that my brother told me. He made up his own alphabet which I recall and I remember discussing world wars and predictions of what the future would look like in terms of superpowers – his money was on China. The only outstanding line I remember from my older sister was her always telling me to “modulate your voice, Renee,” because I was apparently too loud. My younger sister frequently told me that if I died, she would hurl herself into my grave. The sum total of these individual words from my siblings doesn’t sound like much in the overall scope of aural memory.

I can hear my friend Fern telling me she wanted her epitaph to be “she died smiling, if you know what I mean.” I hear my first true love Albert saying, “just for tonight, I love you.” That didn’t bode well for the future. Another boyfriend Dennis, told me that if I’d married him, he wouldn’t have wound up divorced and unhappy. That wasn’t true.

I can’t begin to list all the things Michael said to me over the years, both romantic, sarcastic and funny. “The only place I belong is with you.” “No one has a face like yours-you with the face.” “You’re the smartest person I know.” “We are cosmically connected -I’ll be with you forever.” “Take a hike.” “Life’s a hard road.” “Would you mind removing your feet from my back.” “Everything would be perfect if you’d just stop talking.” “What seems to be the greatest single problem?” “Put a cork in it.” Michael is still so alive in me. The books, music and movies we shared helped us develop a code that bound us together inside and out. He may not be here, but my dialogue with him continues daily. He’s in my head.

So what about me? What have I uttered that my kids will remember when I’m gone? I asked my daughter. Her response was, “run.” When she was driving me crazy as a young girl, there were times when I wished I believed in corporal punishment. But I didn’t. I found a benign way to express my hostility. I held her ponytail and told her to run. She was too smart to do it but it made for a memorable moment. When my son made me want to tear my hair out, I quoted a line to him from the wonderful film, Diner. I told him if he didn’t get a grip on himself, I’d hit him so hard I’d kill his whole family. Preposterous, of course. But one day with an uncooperative playmate, he repeated it to this sensitive child. I thought I’d have my kids taken away by the Department of Children and Family Services. Aside from a variety of movie lines that I adore, I do think I’ve said some things of worth to my kids. I told them about the five year rule, the premise being that whatever is happening right now, which feels so overwhelming, should make them stop and think of exactly what they were doing five years ago. Since they can never recall what that was, I remind them that five years from now, they won’t remember the intensity of this moment. Perspective is everything. I’ve told then ad nauseam that the people with the best lives are the people with the best coping skills. Everyone’s life requires coping and the better you get at managing, the better life will be. Lastly, I tell them that when you tackle problems in life, you want to be operating from a position of strength rather than one of weakness. Identifying what’s directing your internal responses and shifting from your worst skills to your best is always the right move. Those are the best examples of my attempts to provide a strategy for moving forward. Who knows how they’ll feel years from now, when I’m part of their history. Maybe they’ll only remember me walking around quoting Animal House saying, “you’re all worthless and weak.” I’d give a  lot to see the future, to hear them discuss me and declare, “that’s what she said.” Joining the ancestral noise of the past.   

    That’s What S/he Said The other morning, I walked into my house after working out in the yard. As usual, I was sweaty, my normal state once the temperature rises above 70• F.

[hellomissmabel]

Manhattan Mistress part 1

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Bucky x reader, Steve x reader, Tony x reader and OC!Casey (daughter of Y/N and Tony)

Summary: It’s election season and things are about to get heated. Y/N Rogers, previously Y/N Stark, is the daughter of the late mob boss of Brooklyn. She took over when her father died and runs the streets with a firm hand, although no one knows it’s her pulling the strings. Money must roll, especially when it comes from her ex-husband Tony Stark. Tony secretly endorses Steve Rogers’ campaign, currently running for alderman and seemingly oblivious to what happens behind the scenes of his so-called happy marriage. But then Bucky, Y/N’s oldest friend, shows up to win her back and decides to stir things up a little.

Word count: 3.236

Warnings: the reader doesn’t shy away from foul language and talk of sex, murder and infidelity.

A/N: my fingers have been itching to write this story! It’s much, so much darker than what I usually write. Dedicated to my favourite mob AU writer @caplanbuckybarnes. Congratulations on the 1.3k followers! Enjoy sweetie!

“I’m so happy you could make it. She’s been looking forward to spending some time with her daddy the entire week, she never stopped talking about it.”

Tony laughs lightly, his brown eyes lightening up as he scoops Casey up in his arms. He twirls her around before hoisting her over his shoulder, her beautiful curls dangling wildly in the air as her shrill giggles fill the atmosphere with so much glee you can’t help but break into a bright smile, shaking your head at their silly antics. She takes after Tony in so many ways, from her dark hair and piercing brown eyes to her analytical take on the world and even her sassy character.  She’s still so young and yet it’s already as clear as day that Casey Stark is in fact her father’s daughter. At least she has inherited some of her mother’s quirks.

“Daddy has missed his favourite girls so much! You have no idea,” Tony exclaims heartily and you suppress a haughty laugh. There used to be a time when he couldn’t stand the sight of you and vice versa. You love each other too much for your own good, not to mention you’re considerably younger than him, the source of many teasing remarks from certain enemies and even a couple friends although none of them have lived to see another day. But watching Tony pepper her tiny face with feather-light kisses, it’s so refreshing and it does things to your heart you wouldn’t believe. It flutters even higher as he makes these little and utterly adorable noises causing another fit of giggles to erupt from his daughter’s lips.

“My beautiful baby girl,” he purrs in a ridiculous voice, his fingers excitedly attacking Casey and engaging her in a tickle fight. “My beautiful baby girl and her insanely gorgeous mother.” He then looks up at you expectantly, giving you that look he knows will win you over, a look of melted gold that makes you weak in the knees. The only thing left to do now is flash his dazzling trophy smile and you’re a goner for sure. Fortunately he doesn’t but you can sense there’s an urgent question brimming his lips.

“What do you want, Tony?,” you sigh dramatically and he shoots you a knowing smile. Planting a chaste kiss on his temple, you sit down at the breakfast table, nibbling on a strawberry dipped in chocolate sauce before indulging yourself with a glass of fresh orange juice.

“Mind if I keep her for the weekend?,” he inquires, ruffling Casey’s hair whilst taking a seat opposite of you, pulling your daughter in his lap and bouncing her on his knee, her miniature fingers playing with his indigo tie. “I also thought that maybe we could host her birthday party at my place. She can have as many friends over as she likes and you don’t have to worry about the expenses, I’ll take care of everything for you. Unless you and Steve have already made plans, I don’t mean to impose.”

You shake your head, chuckling softly. “No, we didn’t make any plans yet, Tony. Steve’s busy running a campaign, as you are well aware of,” you say matter-of-factly, taking a moment to appreciate the sight of your ex-husband joking around with your daughter just like old times. A lot has changed since you ended your toxic relationship and things have definitely changed for the better. No more throwing mud or making a snarky comment about something trivial, you can finally breathe again.

“Tony, you were a lousy husband but believe me when I say, and I’m only going to say this once, you are an amazing father. I’ll come pick her up on Monday, you two have fun.”

You gently bump Casey’s nose with your finger and allow Tony to take your hand in his, softly grazing his lips over your knuckles, gingerly placing a kiss as his neatly groomed scruff tickles your alabaster skin. He momentarily closes his eyes. “I love you, Y/N,” he mutters against your skin before letting go of your hand and tenderly pecking Casey’s cheek who is still completely engulfed by his presence.

“I know you do, Tony,” you reply quietly, your eyes staring at the ground below. “Believe me, I know.”

The drive towards the Rogers’ mansion isn’t long and the music on the radio doesn’t seem to please you, blaming the January cold for your sudden change in mood. You can’t seem to shake the thoughts of Tony and Casey and about how happy they were together. It makes you wonder why on earth you ever got a divorce before memories of lonely days and even lonelier nights start flooding your eyes with stinging tears and you remember quite clearly why you were so eager to sign those divorce papers. Not to mention all the bruises when conversation got a little heated.

You were eighteen and fresh out of high school when your boyfriend Bucky Barnes skipped town after your late father threatened to kill him if he ever laid a finger on you again. He didn’t like the idea of his Manhattan princess fooling around with an errant boy from Brooklyn, working a couple side jobs for your dad so he could provide for a living since both his parents died when he was younger. If your old man had only known it would drive you straight into the arms of Tony Stark, his right hand and most valued business partner, he would’ve thought twice before meddling with your love life.

You were way too young and unprepared to get hitched let alone be a mother. But if it hadn’t been for your beautiful daughter Casey, the apple of your eye, to keep you company on your darkest of days, you would have felt even more isolated. She’s also the only reason why you decided to continue the legacy of the mob life and why you stayed with Tony for as long as you have.

There’s not a single thing happening in this city that you don’t know about and there’s not a single thing you’re not involved in, although you stay clear from trafficking drugs and girls, it’s despicable and right up Loki Laufeyson’s lane. Too much blood had been shed on his behalf until your father forced his hand, killed his mother and made him sign a peace treaty. Oh, if he only knew it’s the Manhattan mistress calling the shots in Brooklyn and that he’s been your bitch all this time, he’d probably make a beeline for the executioner.

Truth is, no one except for your inner circle knows the truth. Ever since your father died, rumours about his successor have been keeping his associates too busy for them to notice his prissy offspring has taken matters back into her own hands. The new mob king could really be anyone at this point  but that doesn’t mean business can’t run as smoothly as it did before his decease. You’d like to keep everyone in the dark for as long as possible, not out of fear for losing their trust or respect but out of pure spite. These men are just a bunch of stuck-up, old-fashioned bastards with a stick up their ass and nothing but red on their ledger. They always used to look down on you and pity your father, a son would have been a much more convenient turn of events and yet here you are, screwing everyone over as we speak.

Even your Stevie doesn’t know what his dear wife is up to when he’s busy charming the audience with another inspiring speech and his winning attitude. You’d rather not involve your beloved husband in all the nitty gritty stuff that overshadows most of your life, he’s just too much of a soft-boiled egg to be able to handle the shit going down on the street. Besides, it would most definitely cost him his career and you your marriage because nothing good ever comes from the mob life, you learned that the hard way.

Grimacing as you pull up the driveway and get out of your car, you are greeted by Steve’s four-legged, furry friend Dodger and his new companion Trixie, the puppy Steve got Casey for Christmas. Once inside, you head straight for the kitchen and open up a bottle of your favourite wine.

“A little early for alcohol, isn’t it?,” Nat calls out from behind the grand piano in her typical sultry voice. She decided to grace you with an impromptu visit and you smirk at her, offering her a glass as well which she gladly accepts.

“I just dropped Casey off at Tony’s place,” you explain, taking a quick sip from the red liquid, revelling in the sensation of it caressing your throat with a pleasurable burn, the rich aftertaste lingering in your mouth and invading your senses with its delicious familiarity. You still have no clue how you survived 9 freaking months of pregnancy without even a single drop of your favourite liquid.

“Fair enough. She still looks at him like he hung the moon?”

You nod and Nat simply shrugs in reply. No further words are exchanged as you both sit at the kitchen island, staring at the screens of your cell phone light up with new messages and  finishing your drinks in silence, occasionally giving each other a sideway glance.

“You texting dear Stevie?,” Nat asks mischievously as she wiggles her eyebrows at you suggestively. “The sex still mind-blowing or has our favourite politician been hit by a dry spell as of late?”

Word got around fast and it would be unwise to trick your best friend into believing the brick in your stomach that’s been dragging you down for the past two months never even existed. Ever since your childhood sweetheart Bucky returned to the land of the living, you have been living the life of a refugee. Conveniently enough he took up a job as Steve’s bodyguard, accompanying him on all his official visits until a couple of street rats tried to harass you on your way from a (shady) business meeting. Steve didn’t take it too kindly even though you tried to brush if off as a one-time misfortune. The next morning he decided Bucky would be of more use protecting you and he has been reassigned to you ever since.

Of course Steve is aware of your shared history but that doesn’t make him think of Bucky any less. They seem to get along just fine, as if they’ve known each other for ages already, which feeds your concern all the more. But there’s no need to worry excessively, at least not yet.

“Don’t pry, Nat, we have a healthy sex life. There’s something extremely arousing about that clean-shaven poster boy exterior and it feels just so good to sit on that self-righteous face of his you have no idea,” you admit before casually drawing a generous amount of wine.

She snorts at this, obviously amused by your statement. “Damn, Y/N, feeling blunt are we? I remember a time where you went at it like a pair of sex-crazy rabbits and knowing Tony, I believe he was rarely dressed for the occasion, if you know what I mean,” she retorts with a cheeky grin, sarcasm lacing her words sweet as honey but the sour undertone does not escape your attentive ears.

“And now I have a wonderful daughter. Nat, I know where this is coming from. I love Casey and I love Steve,” you reassure as her eyes squint in suspicion, shooting you a wary smile, “I’m not going to fuck up a long-term relationship, again.”

“I’m sorry,” she concedes with a deep sigh, reaching across the table to take your hand in hers. She gives it a gently squeeze before speaking again, this time more cautiously. “But be honest with me here, Y/N, I need to know. Do you have anything to do with Sharon’s disappearance?”

The question takes you completely by surprise, it is as if she’s taken a knife from your kitchen drawer and stabbed you in the back while you weren’t paying attention. “Why do you ask me?,” you spit out, venom fighting its way towards the tip of your tongue.

“She’s dead, Y/N, that’s why I’m asking you. Clint told me so and I have no reason to doubt him. If he tells me she’s dead, she’s dead. I take his word for it.”

“I can’t say that I have.” Your jaw is set tight, your gaze as sharp as a razor, cutting through her stony exterior. For a minute, her mask of indifference slowly slips from her striking features.

“So it is true, I can see it in your eyes,” she hisses back at you. “I didn’t think you had it in you. Bucky took care of it, I presume? He would give his life for you, so I wouldn’t be all too surprised to hear he got rid of that nasty serpent for you. Doesn’t change the fact that you now also have blood on your hands, little birdie.”

Little birdie, it’s been a long time since anyone called you little birdie. It was always Tony’s favourite pet name for you and Steve quickly picked up on it as well. But never Natasha, she thought it to be too sickly sweet for a woman with your particular skillset, your particular ambitions.

“Natasha Romanova,” I whisper through gritted teeth, “You do not understand the severity of the situation.”

She doesn’t flinch but she does let go of my hand. Nat pours herself another glass and greedily devours it without so much as blinking an eye. “Then explain it to me,” she says dryly, “Or our friendship ends here.”

I swallow thickly at the sting of her words slowly conquering my mind. “You mustn’t tell anyone,” I insist, cupping her hands with mine. Her gaze softens and I know she is willing to hear me out. “As you well know, Steve and I went behind Peggy’s back long before she got sick. I was his mistress and I’m not proud of it.”

It’s how I earned the title of Manhattan mistress. It was a well-known secret that for two consecutive years I was the other woman in Steve Rogers’ life up until his wife Peggy was diagnosed with cancer. Not a fibre in my body wanted to put a stop to the relationship – by that time I had already fallen head over heels in love with the man – yet I albeit begged Steve to let me go because there’s nothing more appalling than go behind the back of a terminally ill woman. He did as I asked him to but couldn’t stay away for long and one month later he was barging down my door, teary-eyed and trembling from having walked all the way from his Brooklyn home to my Manhattan penthouse in the freezing winter cold.

For a long time you though you only offered him some kind of a physical release for all his pent-up frustration but slowly you had also wormed your way into his heart and that night alone was enough proof of his undying love for and devotion to you. It’s safe to say you are very determined to keep it that way.

“But, you see, it’s only a matter of time before he cheats on me as well. Look at it as an insurance policy,” you stated as you took the stem of your glass in your hand and swirled the wine around, too preoccupied by the subtle glow of the deep red in the early evening light to notice the dirty look Natasha send you.

“He wouldn’t dare. The things that man did to clear his name after the scandal broke out, he wouldn’t dare bring more dishonour on his already blemished name. He loves his job way too much for that to happen.”

You draw a long breath, exhaling slowly as you smooth down the skirt of your sapphire dress, Steve’s favourite because it matches his eyes. “My dearest Natasha, I can’t risk losing Steve. You’ve seen the way Sharon looked at him and I have no intention whatsoever to get surprised like a deer in the headlights. She did however see it coming yet made no attempt to escape my gun. But I took no pleasure in it, I did not enjoy taking her life.”

“And you asked Bucky to dispose of her dead body.”

“He’s the only one I trust to deal with the matter discreetly. He’ll keep his mouth shut.”

“Y/N, he’d take a bullet for you if you’d ask him to. Of course he’ll keep his mouth shut.”

“Don’t say such things, Natasha,” you scowl at her. “Steve, he would,” you start but she promptly cuts you off, raising a perfectly manicured red fingernail to silence you.

“Oh cut the crap, Y/N. I get it, Steve’s a wonderful husband bla bla bla. Even Tony would put his life on the line for you, he’s a sucker for your charms and everyone knows you’re that motherfucker’s weak spot. Hell, they even tried to use it against him. But not Steve. He might care for Casey like she’s his own daughter but don’t be mistaken, Y/N, politics have changed him. He’s not the same man who was married to Peggy, the man you fell in love with.”

She shakes her head at your foolishness and you can’t believe her nerve. You can take a lot of shit from a lot of people and that includes your best friend, but this is way out of line and you intend to make it perfectly clear to her that she won’t pull this trick on you twice without suffering the consequences.

“Don’t you ever dare speak like that about Steve or else I will order your execution and have your head on a silver plate by noon. Steve worked very hard to get this far up the food chain. No one, not even you, is going to take that away from him. From me. We’re a family now, Steve, Casey and I. If anyone messes with my family I swear to God they’ll pay for it.”

You finish your rant with a frustrated groan. Nat looks at you flatly, sighing exasperatedly and looking at you through thick black lashes. “If you want Steve to commit, why not get pregnant again?”

She grins wickedly and you grace her with your most conniving smile. “I’ve thought about that, too. Unfortunately it didn’t work for Tony but then again nothing ever seemed to work for that man, he could never keep his hands to himself even before we got married,” you murmured, more to yourself than to Nat. “So what makes you think it’ll work for Steve?”

She looks at you unabashed, a glint of surprise sparkling in her eyes like gold tinsel on a Christmas tree. “Steve wants children, he never got the chance with Peggy. Besides, you’ve always liked the idea of a picture perfect family, a white picket fence and 2-and-a-half kids. You’ve already got Casey, what’s keeping you from getting knocked up again? I bet you’ll have a lot of fun in doing so.”

You nod wordlessly, no harm done in trying, right?

“Mark my words,” she adds mischievously, “He will love you forever if you give him his own child.”

Part 2: the friction

I honestly have no idea who to tag so I’ll just go with: @beccaanne814-blog @mellifluous-melodramas @mrshopkirk @winterboobaer @kiwi71281 @a-little-hell-to-raise @unpredictable-firecracker @marvelingatthewonder @emilyinwonderland3 @hardcorehippos @iiharu-kunii @knittingknerdy @winterwolf57 @dontbeamenacetotheforce  @shamvictoria11 @theoneandonlysaucymo @bovaria @marvel-lucy @marvel-ash @thedragonblood

#marvel #marvel imagine #marvel fic #marvel fan fic #marvel fanfiction #mobster au #marvel mobster au #mobster!au #steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x bucky barnes #bucky barnes x steve rogers #chris evans #sebastian stan #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #bucky imagine #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #james bucky barnes #tony stark #tony x reader #robert downey jr #robert downey junior #rdj #fan fiction #fan fic writing #marvel fan fiction

[chrissyxstorm-blog]

I need your grace, to remind me to find my own || Self para

There were places in this world, that however much you might resent their surroundings momentarily, never lost their peaceful atmosphere. This particular spot in the woods was one of those. The rock was seated atop a small hill, trees all round it, mountains beneath. And it was just the right hight, so that when you sat on the ground, you could lean into the unyielding stone, and yet it fit you perfectly, as if made for you. There was a long way down. But the view, looking out at a vast sea of trees, the sky just visible between their tops. Leaning into said stone, Crissy was giving herself a long awaited time out. When waking up this morning, she’d finally admitted defeat, finally decided to slow down, take a beat, and in solitude, simply feel what she was feeling. Allow those emotions to come all the way up to the surface and stay there, simmering there. As a girl she had not been much for wilderness. Always ten times more at ease in a gym or on the football field doing flips than among nature. Looking back, it was impossible not to wonder if her continued defiance and persistent disbelief in magic had manifested in all its possible places of practice and sources of power. It was no secret that the witches, of all creatures, were keenly in touch with nature. They were supposed to be the servants of nature, to uphold the balance in the mortal world. This spot however, was one she had found when her parents declared their divorce. At night she had partied to excess, but during the daytime, this had become her secret hiding place. When her wold seemed to crumble, it was as if she could, briefly, admit to her ancestry. Believing that her genes would be a source of comfort had at first seemed completely ludicrous. Especially with how magic was currently affecting her life. Yet she felt them, in the earth, in the breeze around her, as well as in her shattered heart. Her mom.. her dad.. her grandma. When a witch died, their spirits tended to linger close by. or so her grandmother had always insisted. Her belated husband, a great witch he was your grandpa she used to say, was someone she frequently claimed to be in contact with. Crissy hadn’t believed her. Hadn’t thought it possible. And yet here she sat, feeling their presence so clearly around her. Out here, alone she allowed herself to grieve them. To miss them. It was scary, how much you could miss someone when you knew they were gone for good, as opposed to when you knew they were alive and breathing. For six whole years, she had not found herself missing them at all. Her anger and hurt at their lack of support had overshadowed any warm feelings she might have had. She’d clung to her resentment so fiercely. Now that she was back home, the town was not only a reminder of the past itself, but of her family as a whole. They had lived here, thrived here for centuries, loved it here. The streets she walked, they had walked. They were gone, but they were also here. They belonged here. She just didn’t know if she did. And with a fierce hurt she wished they were all here to advice her on what to do. Who to be. How to act. It was laughable really. She’d refused to let them tell her when they were alive, spurned them for their opinions of her, and now that they were dead she would like nothing more than to hear them advice her, speak their insistence or offer parental guidance. Weird how that was something she needed. Quiet tears were streaming down her face, falling to the ground, mixing with the earth. Running her hands trough the moss Crissy closed her eyes, and reached for them. There was just this one thing she needed to say. Needed them to know. Needed to say out loud. “I miss you..” She whispered. 

Was she allowed to though? Was there even a point admitting to it? Six years of distance, of resentments, of blame, could not be bridged by three simple words. Truth be told, Crissy still felt a heavy darkness in her heart each time she thought of her family. The resentment had never been put into words, never been fully directed at them verbally. And now her chance to tell them exactly how she felt was gone. Death she could deal with. Death was a part of life. In her line of work, you had to become intimate with death. No acceptance was not proving to be the issue at hand. Rather it was a tidal wave, six long years worth, of resentment. Of fury. The day she had told her grandmother and father about her pregnancy, was to date the worst day Crissy could ever remember having. Sitting there, across from them at the dining room table, near tears as she came to admit to them what had happened, and then being faced with a horde of accusations and anger. It was the very first time she had heard her father call her stupid. The only time growing up she could recall her grandmother sounding truly vicious. The conversation had went something like: “Of course she is getting an abortion tomorrow.” “I-what? No. No I am not.” “You will not live under my roof unless you do young lady.” “Then I won’t. I’ll move out!!” Which then had followed a bunch of screaming and more threats, though no one had attempted stopping her when she packed her bags the next day and left the house. That had been the last time she saw the both of them. And her mother? Even longer. Cora Storm had been the one to ask for the divorce, the one to tell her kids that her marriage to their father had been a mistake, that she’d stuck around trying to be a good mother but missed out on life because of it. The one saying she had felt trapped with two kids in a small town she feared would judge her the second her marriage came apart. The one to leave her husband and kids for the big city two nights after explaining it all to Crissy and her brother. To this day, thinking of her mother, she felt nothing but hate. Despising her for leaving, for turning her back on all of them, for saying they had been the ones to hold her back. Given the chance, Crissy would have aimed all her fury at her family. All her rage, all her pent up frustrations, all the blame. Because they had made her this, forced her to take the road she had taken. Driven her out of town, made it so she had to raise her daughter alone, made it so she refused magic with all her might, and they had brought her back. When she had been content and at peace somewhere else. 

Taking her hands from the ground, staring down at them, all covered in dirt, she could hear her own heart beating hard. In order to move on, they said, you had to let go of the past. You had to decide not to let that time in your rearview mirror define you. And she couldn’t. In the wake of these deaths, her past, her dark emotions, was all she had left. Besides Eve. Her daughter was the one good thing to come out of it all. The one bright spot in a sea of darkness. Which made her feel increasingly guilty about living in this town and not at least make an attempt at finding her dad.. Lately, Crissy had allowed herself to slowly go over the month in which she had become pregnant. This far, she had narrowed it down to two guys. Two potential dads. As scared as she was to reach out and contact either, not doing so might be worse. She would always look at her daughter and feel that pinch of guilt. And she would always be looking over her shoulder wondering when he might appear. What was the saying? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer? Maybe that was not such a bad tactic to go for. With that in mind, the young witch slowly rose from the ground. Stepping and climbing her way down the rocks to the secure ground. Each step she took back towards town, she felt a bit lighter. As if some burden had been lifted off her shoulders. In the act of making a choice, she had shed some weight. As for her family? It was okay to miss them. But it was okay to hate them too.. 

#musings #about #self para: I need your grace to remind me to find my own #tw: death #[ this is just me rambling away tho something shifted inside my baby and this is why and how ]

[samanthasroberts]

‘Vanderpump Rules’ Recap: I Have No Recollection

Last week on we found out that Jax probably cheated on Brittany more than once, and nobody was surprised. Also let me just say, fuck Bravo for doing this shit to me on New Year’s Day, aka national hangover day. And by “doing this shit to me,” I mean “airing their regularly scheduled programming.” My hangover is not prepared for this. Then again, my shame hangover is setting in, so maybe some good old-fashioned judging people who are stupider and richer than me might do me some good.

We open at Brittany’s apartment, where all the girls slept. Stassi ordering Taco Bell and drinking a beer first thing in the morning is very relatable and definitely not at all how I started the new year (*whispers to self* think they bought it?). Scheana is taking a private jet to Vegas with Lala and her sugar daddy boyfriend.

The Toms go to Villa Rosa to talk to Lisa about the restaurant. Lisa is lounging on her roof with her dogs and can’t be bothered—how I aspire to handle all my future business deals. Lisa says to Ken that she’s “ready to call it quits,” which is definitely not at all just a fabricated angle by the producers to make us give a shit about this restaurant. Honestly, this shit is annoying. This fake back-and-forth doesn’t make me care any more about Tom Tom. Just saying. 

Bravo is really doing the most with these flashbacks and the slow-mo sequence of Tom and Tom walking up to Lisa’s door. This isn’t ; we don’t need any flashy effects. Just give us the drama straight-up.

Lisa wants Tom and Tom to pay $120,000 for a 10% stake in the company, which IMO seems a little unfair. Like, Lisa employs these people. She knows how much they make. Specifically, she OF ALL PEOPLE should know that these barely employed bartenders don’t have 120 grand.

Lisa is like, “This is the deal, I’m not negotiating” but she also said to the camera that she just pulled that figure out of her ass. So… ?? Actual picture of Lisa Vanderpump:

They settle on 50 grand each for a 5% stake. I’m no Mark Cuban (I do watch a lot of though), but that doesn’t seem like the best deal. Like, can you really call yourself a business owner when you own 5% in said business?

Lisa: All I’m asking for is enthusiasm and positivity.

…Yeah, and 50 thousand dollars they probably don’t have. 

Jax comes home when all the girls are face-first in Taco Bell, yelling and screaming that Brittany is being dramatic. He’s like “People are dying of cancer everyday, this is not a big deal.” Or in other words:

Well given that Jax’s dad just died of cancer, that’s very dark. (May he rest in peace.) So then Brittany…goes over and starts hitting him and pushes him out the door, basically. Yep. Ten minutes into the episode and we’re already witnessing physical assault. Cool. But like, I’m so glad Jax and Brittany were able to work out their problems and stay together in this very healthy and functional relationship.

Jax says to Brittany, “Everything was fine until you started talking to your friends about it,” aka, “Everything was fine until you went to that damn party and your friends went and talked some sense into you.”

I know, right? Isn’t it such a drag when women form their own opinions and stand up for themselves? Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em, amiright?

Sandoval calls Ariana to tell her the good news about them being partners with Lisa, and her response is basically “k”.

Stassi is talking to Katie about planning Guillermo’s party and she literally said “I didn’t know I was OCD.” So you like, make one to-do list and think you have OCD? Girl, bye.

Scheana’s packing for her trip to Vegas, and her closet looks like the fucking Piper Lime accessory wall on .

All the girls are like “violence is wrong but Brittany you’re doing amazing sweetie by hitting Jax.” I have no further comment at this time.

Lala comes over to Scheana’s, where Ariana is also hanging out (sitting on like, the floor of Scheana’s closet because reasons) and is talking about how well-off her married boyfriend is. Can you really make that much money from a mid-level film you produced like, three years ago? Seriously, look at this guy’s IMDB. He’s done, like, three movies. If you can get private jet money off of three movies nobody’s ever heard of, I’m packing my bags and going to film school.

Anyway, apparently Katie talked shit about Lala’s married boyfriend, and by that I mean Katie merely stated that Lala is dating someone who, at the time, was very much in the eyes of the law still married. Which, according to my research, is true. Or at least, it was at the time of filming. Separated =/= divorced—a lesson for all you kids at home.

Lala: Are you gonna mention my man again? Are you tryna get popped?

Ugh, Lala, take off your Compton beanie. You are a white girl from Utah. Stop. Lala is every white girl who sees once.

Lala calling her boyfriend “very much not married” is very much fake news. The divorce was only finalized like, last week. We all have the receipts.

Ok so Lala tells Ariana and Scheana that Schwartz supposedly made out with Lala’s friend Allie. Tbh I’m probably going to stalk Lala’s Instagram to figure out who she is. Stay tuned for that follow-up article. Also I’d just like to say, fuck Lala for being like “If you come for my man I’m gonna come for your marriage.” That gives us two scenarios: Either Lala is making this up as retaliation because she’s salty, or she was going to sit on this information until Katie pissed her off. Both are bad, especially if you claim to be friends with Katie.

I’m not really going to entertain the “Stassi planning Guillermo’s party” storyline because it’s obvious that she doesn’t really have anything to do with it. You can’t plan an event with two days’ notice; it’s literally impossible. This event has ben planned for months, I’m not stupid.

Jax and Schwartz are at some restaurant that serves fried guacamole, and I need to know the name of this restaurant immediately.

Jax tells Schwartz that he’s not going to show up to Guillermo’s party, which means he’s definitely going to show up to Guillermo’s party. Schwartz brings up the possibility of having an open relationship, and like, FINALLY somebody brought it up.

Jax is like “I don’t want that.” Jax. Jax. JAX. You want the emotional benefits of a relationship, but you are incapable of being monogamous. I feel like an open relationship is exactly what you want. Know yourself.

Stassi is freaking out about running a couple of errands, like picking up a cake and flowers before 5pm. Yeah I guess having a real job for 35 seconds might be kind of hard.

Stassi has a bar mitzvah sign-in book at this grown-ass man’s birthday party. Shit, maybe I should get into event planning.

Kristen is at this party for reasons unknown and wastes no time bringing up to Brittany how shitty Jax is. Don’t you have your own relationship to worry about? Why is she so invested in Jax’s relationship? Theory: Kristen is in love with Jax. More on this at 7.

James and Jax are drinking together, which is something I never thought I’d see. They’re doing shots of absinthe—how all responsible nights start out.

Ariana goes to Schwartz like “Can I steal you for a sec?” Sorry, can you tell I’d rather be watching rn?

Ariana is like “Soooo I heard you drunkenly made out with somebody in January/February.” But she’s ALSO like “But don’t tell Katie about this now, wait until you’re home.” So why even bring it up at this party? I know, too much logic.

Schwartz is like, “January or February? What is the meaning of those words?” So Schwartz’s immediate excuse is “IDK I don’t remember.” In other words, “Yeah I definitely did that.” Or in other words:

Meanwhile James and Jax are me and all my coworkers, getting wasted and taking selfies.

James: Absinthe tastes like a little green fairy that goes down your throat and rips your balls out your throat.

That’s not a taste, but ok. I really love this montage of their drunken babbling and I could watch an hour of James playing “got your nose” with Jax.

Jax is talking to James about his and Brittany’s sex life (again, things I never thought I’d see) and he’s like “she’s hate-fucking me.” Jax is explaining the Madonna/Whore complex. Wowowowow this is really advanced shit for Jax. I’m, dare I say, impressed. New year, new Jax?

Schwartz decides to tell Katie that he cheated on her in the middle of a crowded party. Fuck Schwartz. You don’t do this. I hated Katie last season, but damn. Nobody deserves to be publicly humiliated like that.

If I had a nickel for every time Schwartz said, “I have zero recollection of this” I could pay off my New Year’s Eve Uber. Also, what a weak excuse. You’re not even gonna deny you cheated? You’re just like, “Yea I probably did that, shrug life.”

Katie doesn’t even really seem that upset. She’s like “What did I do? Is this some kind of karmic punishment?” Not really, you just married the wrong person.

And what does Schwartz say? “Bubba, I have no recollection of this.” Contrary to what I tell myself when I’m hungover, even if you don’t remember something, that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. However, I may start using this anyway.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/vanderpump-rules-recap-i-have-no-recollection/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/11/vanderpump-rules-recap-i-have-no-recollection/

[neuropathicgypsy]

My first marriage ended in divorce. Eventually, I began to date again, but that failure stayed with me. After seeing a wonderful woman for several months, I told her that I didn’t think we had a future—I was still fragile from the breakup. She said, “If you’re too stupid to see I’m the best thing that ever happened to you, then go.” We just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary because she was right. DONALD ROPSON, GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN

Soon after I began dating Matt, I told him that I had multiple sclerosis. It wasn’t bad, I said, but I explained how the disease might affect me. Matt didn’t care. “If it gets so bad that you can’t walk anymore, I’ll be your legs,” he said. “If it gets to where you can’t see, I’ll be your eyes. And if you can’t talk anymore, I’ll still know you love me because I know your heart.” BARBARA WOLF, LEMOYNE, PENNSYLVANIA ~ ~ ~

Here was the dilemma: Should I pursue my dream of becoming a nun or continue a relationship with my boyfriend? To decide, I gave up both him and cigarettes for the 40 days of Lent. On Holy Saturday, the final day of Lent, a knock came at the door. There he stood, holding out a cigarette for me. One deep drag made me dizzy. He caught me and helped me sit on the step. At that moment, wrapped in his arms, I knew I was never giving him up again. DARLENE MILLER, SHELBY TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN

She was my best friend throughout high school. I could tell her all my deepest secrets except for one: that I was madly in love with her. Sadly, she married another and we lost touch. Cut to many years later: We were both divorced and had become fast friends again. This time, I let her know how I felt about her. We got married 30 years after high school, and I’m living my dream. BRAD BUMGARNER, GAHANNA, OHIO

It was during a painful, ego-driven argument. We sat across from each other, trying to sort it out. Exhausted, I finally said, “I don’t know what to do. Tell me what you want to do.” He said nothing. Instead, he just kissed me. MJ STAR, YORK, PENNSYLVANIA

I was a hostess for a Howard Johnson’s restaurant. He was the assistant manager of the motor lodge. One night, he asked me out for a drink. I said yes. We talked until closing time, and then he drove me home. At my door, he leaned down and ever so tenderly brushed my lips with his. That was all it took. I fell in love with him that night and stayed that way until his death, 42 years later. Do I still love him? Oh, yes. Would I do it again? Oh, I wish I could. BARBARA YOUNG, INDEPENDENCE, MISSOURI

I was in the hospital having my tonsils removed. The guy I was seeing was going to pick me up after he got off work, at 5 p.m. But I was discharged early, at 3:15, and the nurse asked if someone would be picking me up. Just then, it hit me. “Yes, my boyfriend,”I said, smiling. “He isn’t supposed to be here until five, but he won’t be able to wait that long. He’ll get here early because he’ll be worried about me.”Sure enough, he was there 15 minutes later. TRACI STOUT, BEAVERTON, OREGON

Previous dates brought me red roses, candy, even jewelry. Instead, he brought food—Looney Tunes frozen dinners, to be precise. He said, “I looked in your fridge; it was pretty empty.” How could I not fall in love?Suzie Berberich, Dryden, Michigan

Being from a conservative Indian family, my parents and I put in many years searching for a suitable match for me. On that journey was a friend who stood by me through thick and thin. In the 14 years that we went from classmates to best friends, I never once consciously thought of him as a lover. I tried remembering the exact moment I’d fallen for him by reliving all those moments that had made us laugh, fight, cry, and ache for each other. Try as I might, I could not recall it. Then it came to me at the altar on our wedding day. I had been in love with him all along. PRIYANKA PRASAD, DUMFRIES, VIRGINIA

I had been widowed for three years when I made a fresh start in New Mexico. One day, I introduced myself to a tall, handsome stranger who lived nearby. Together, we began hiking and venturing into town for the occasional movie. On the way home from one of those movie nights, I complained about my home’s many plumbing issues. The next morning, I answered a knock at the door. There stood my tall, handsome neighbor with a bag of tools in one hand and a piece of chocolate cake in the other. ROXANNE HAVILAND-DEBAUN, MITCHELL, OREGON

I fell in love as soon as I saw her in the Pullman Pie restaurant. It took me about a month to ask her out, and I was shocked when she said yes. I still can’t figure out what she saw in me. She was so beautiful. To me, it was like beauty and the beast. ANDREW RONQUILLO, PRESCOTT, ARIZONA

Life Advice From Twitter If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don’t mention it’s a dream until the end of the story.  @THEWOODENSLURPY (ALEXA)■

Jimmy Fallon asked viewers about terrible first dates. Can you top these? •

“I thought he was into fitness because he had on an ankle weight. He was actually on parole, and it was an ankle monitor.”

•“He still lived at home with his parents, so he had to sneak me in, and that was when I found out about the Ninja Turtle sheets.”•

“I went out with a psychic who told me he’d once got beaten up by a gang of ghosts.”•

“I thought it’d be cute to Lady and the Tramp some pasta. I got a whiff of pepper and sneezed pasta sauce all over him.”~ ~ ~

At dinner, my six-year-old niece turned to her dad and said, “Dad, when I grow up, I’m gonna marry you.”I laughed until her mom said to her, “Don’t make the same mistake I did.”ISAIAH INMAN, MEDINA, OHIO ~ ~ ~

One good thing about a five-year-old is they are always just a Krazy Straw and some chocolate milk away from the best day ever. @SIMONCHOLLAND

Last October, the Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Bob Dylan, and other rock stars appeared at the music festival Desert Trip, where the average age of the rockers was 72. In honor of “Oldchella,” here are “new” songs by aging musicians: The Rolling Stones: “Gimme Sweater” Carly Simon: “You’re So Veiny” Led Zeppelin: “Stairlift to Heaven” U2: “I Still Haven’t Remembered What I’m Looking For” Willie Nelson: “On the John Again” The Who: “Bingo Wizard” Rod Stewart: “Do You Think I’m Sixty?” SOURCE: HUMORLABS.NET

Billion-dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green. @DAMIENFAHEY

One day he told me, “If one of us dies, let’s agree to wait for the other to die so we can come back together in our next life.” And that was it. DEBORAH JURGENSEN, MADISON, SOUTH DAKOTA

......get your friend fired because he's just wasting valuable resources. .....

[themomsandthecity]

Inside the Amazing, Private Life of Aretha Franklin

Aretha Franklin was more than just the Queen of Soul, she was the Queen of Strength. Right up until the very end, Franklin, who’d secretly lived with pancreatic cancer for nearly a decade, refused to let her ongoing health battle overshadow her lifetime of accomplishments. Holding tight to her Queen of Soul title for five decades, she blazed a trail that included selling 75 million albums, winning 18 Grammy awards, and becoming the first woman to be inducted to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and youngest artist to receive a Kennedy Honor in 1994. But while the “Natural Woman” singer broke records and broke down barriers, she worked hard to keep her tumultuous personal life as private as possible. From losing her mother at a young age to becoming a teen mom and surviving domestic abuse, the star managed to keep shining in the midst of countless struggles. RELATED: Madonna Honors Aretha Franklin at the MTV VMAs — but Twitter Takes Her to Task for Tribute In this week’s issue family, friends and famous peers open up about the amazing career and private world of the American icon. “My aunt had a heck of a life,” her nephew Tim Franklin told PEOPLE after her death, crediting her faith in God as the source of her strength. “In the end — just like in the beginning,” he said, “she reached out to the one who sustained her and refused to let go.” News first broke on the morning of Aug. 13 that the legendary Queen of Soul was ailing, with sources later confirming to PEOPLE that Franklin was “gravely ill,” and another sharing that her death would be “imminent.” Shortly after, on Aug. 16, the family and publicist of Franklin announced that the 76-year-old music icon had died from advanced pancreatic cancer of the neuroendocrine type at her Detroit-area home. RELATED: Aretha Franklin Reportedly Had an Estimated Net Worth of $80 Million and No Will — What’s at Stake? Family members and friends — including Stevie Wonder and the Reverend Jesse Jackson — flocked to Franklin’s bedside to share her last moments with her, but little else was known about the star’s specific illness or prognosis prior to her death. And though Franklin’s remarkable career drew in eyes and ears from around the world, she demanded privacy and R-E-S-P-E-C-T when it came to fiercely guarding her personal life. Fans speculated about Franklin’s health since she underwent a mystery surgery on Dec. 2, 2010. At the time she didn’t reveal what the procedure was for, saying only that it was “highly successful.” But later that week, a relative told Fox 2 in her hometown of Detroit that she had cancer, and the National Enquirer reported that it was pancreatic. In January 2011, Franklin said that she’s “not going to even deal with” the reports of her cancer. Through to the end, she refused to speak of it publicly.   For PEOPLE’s tribute to the Queen of Soul, who died 41 years to the day after Elvis Presley, pick up this week’s issue, on newsstands Friday. Health aside, when it came to marriage and motherhood, Franklin was at her most secretive. Throughout her career, Franklin “put out a picture of her having a happy home and happy children and everything was rosy,” said biographer David Ritz – who spent two years working with Franklin on her 1999 memoir From These Roots before later penning his own biography of her life, 2015’s Respect . He added “any stories to the contrary really got her mad.” “She had a tough childhood,” Ritz told PEOPLE, referring to the fact that Franklin’s mother left the family when the singer was only 6 years old because of her husband’s infidelity. In her early teens and as her career as a gospel singer was just revving up, Franklin mothered two sons, never to reveal the identities of their fathers. RELATED: Teen Motherhood, Losing Her Dad and Her Quiet Health Battle: Aretha Franklin’s Personal Struggles Then at 19, Franklin married Ted White, and had a son with him, named Ted “Teddy” White, Jr., 54. Ted and the singer divorced in 1969 after reports of domestic abuse surfaced, and a 1968 Time article described how White “roughed her up” more than once. Later, she married actor Glynn Turman, whom she divorced in 1984. “Early on in her career she was hit by the tabloids,” explained Ritz. There were stories of her being a victim of domestic violence and she didn’t like that. She didn’t like the image of her being a beaten woman. She loved the blues but she didn’t want to be seen as a tragic blues figure.” Her youngest son, Kecalf, 48, was born in 1970. His name is an acronym of both his father and mother’s full names — Ken E. Cunningham (the star’s road manager) and Aretha Louise Franklin. “She’s not atypical in her privacy, she’s just extreme,” Ritz said. “I think her strategy for emotional survival was idealization of her life in general. When you tend to idealize things, you don’t have to deal with a lot of the tough realities.” Though the singer never publicly confirmed who fathered her older children, Ritz revealed in his book that the father of her oldest son, Clarence, 63, was Donald Burke, whom Franklin knew from school. “Aretha went back to school after having Clarence,” the musical icon’s sister Erma said in Respect. “She was an excellent student who did well in all her classes.” RELATED: Fans Remember Late ‘Queen Of Soul’ Aretha Franklin Outside Harlem’s Apollo Theater In 1957, Franklin welcomed her second child, Edward, who turns 61 this month. Franklin would then drop out of school to focus on her musical career, leading her to live a life of “silent suffering,” as her sister Erma describes in Respect. Already with four children of her own, Franklin “filled the gap” for her siblings’ children when they died. “We had all lost our parents – she stepped in and filled the gap,” her nephew Tim added. “She was the last one of the siblings, and when my aunt Erma and my dad died within a couple months of each other, she stepped right in and put her feelings aside even though she was grieving a loss that was two months apart. She might have grieved in private, but we never saw it.” “The Queen of Soul — we didn’t know her,” Tim continued about how the family matriarch’s global fame paled in comparison to her enormous heart. “She was able to keep that separate from her personal life, so we never knew the Queen of Soul. Rather, we knew that was an accomplishment that she had made.” While her accomplishments never went unnoticed, neither did her personality, as a “very real” individual with a “very optimistic” attitude. RELATED: Ariana Grande Cries While Singing ‘Natural Woman’ in Powerful Tribute to Aretha Franklin “I think you can read her emotions really quickly, if she’s feeling happy or in a good mood, she will sit down at the piano and start singing or serenading you,” music and biopic producer Harvey Mason Jr. explained to PEOPLE. “If she’s going through something, I think she has the emotions right there for everyone to see.” “I think one of the things I found interesting about her is her knowledge of music and so many different genres of music, she would sit at the piano and start playing songs I would never expect her to know, singing opera, substituting for Pavarotti at the Grammys the one year is a perfect example of that,” he added. “She can go back and forth between different genres seamlessly and effortlessly and that is something that is really unique about her.” One thing the star never hid was her show-stopping sense of style. During Franklin’s performance at President Barack Obama’s 2009 inauguration, her Swarovski-crystal-studded hat immediately stole the show and became the day’s most popular meme. And the designer behind the topper, Luke Song of Mr. Song Millinery, spoke to PEOPLE about his close relationship with the Queen, remembering her as “so soft spoken” and “classy all the way.” “I’ve known her at least 20 years … she’s been frequenting our showroom for as long as I can remember. I’ve made hundreds of hats for her,” says the Detroit-based designer who often made hats for Franklin to wear to church. RELATED: People Now: How Aretha Franklin Once Clapped Back at Body Shaming — Watch the Full Episode “She would come into the showroom and she definitely knew what she wanted. A lot of times she brought in her own designs and brought in pictures and references,” Song adds. Always dressed to the nines and arriving in style in a big white limo with her entourage in tow, Song says Franklin was “very down to earth and very personable. I’m very fortunate to have her as a customer. It was a privilege.” Longtime makeup artist Robin Manoogian also opened up to PEOPLE about working with the star from 1994-2004, remembering her as a “woman of few words,” who “would dance to her own tune.” “There were many people that were up there at her level and you could sense the level of respect and I remember that Bill Clinton was a big fan and they would all just fawn over her and praise her,” says Manoogian. “As the English bow down to the queen, everyone in the music business virtually stopped and took a bow to her.” RELATED: Aretha Franklin’s Longtime Makeup Artist Shares Personal Photos and Memories of the Late Singer “She commanded such respect and you could feel it in the air when other people came into her presence and she usually just sat very quiet and to herself,” she continues. “And the joy of just watching her sit at the piano, she was in her glory.” Like most in Franklin’s orbit, Manoogian is thankful for everything Franklin gave her. “It exceeded my own career dreams,” she says. “I don’t know how I was lucky enough.” For more on the life, legacy and loss of Aretha Franklin, pick up the new issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday. http://bit.ly/2MqlCqy

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