#even though it has a very paradoxical logic and

[lonestardust]

ok I liked that scene. it's pure sitcom shenanigans. ronen's delivery is everything. those reactions and iris calling him short sjjsjs. I love her throwing down the gauntlet to TK and rubbing him the wrong way with how nonchalant she is. she's indeed blunt in a way that her tone felt like she's coming in hot to give TK a shovel talk but she's ultimately not mean and rather funny. how the whole talk was basically a blunt teasing and then TK listing his NDEs (and a god forsaken unknown third coma that no one ever heard of sjjsksk *lone star being consistent with both not fact checking and throwing logic away* "it's a bit more than average" yes it is sjksj).

#Also after this I still don't consider getting a scene from lone star of TK reflecting on his feelings carefully about this marriage being #a secret in carlos' life that he's only discovering now — and only because there is a cut off point and a deadline to undo it. because #that was obviously the decision from the get go of this arc in 4x01 — to downplay it — to only use it as a catalyst for the drama that #will ensue and to be the gate into an introspective look into carlos life prior TK #even though it has a very paradoxical logic and #ultimately just taints the characterization in a very odd way where the writers' decisions and error is more obvious than the #characters behaving irrationally. #Aside from all of that. TK and Carlos being IT for each other is everything. Carlos teasing but reassuring his self-conscious fiancé. #Them being all loved up and touchy. #HANDS HANDS HANDS 😩 #their love is so BEAUTIFUL and so INVINCIBLE i could rave about it forever!!!!!!! #911 lone star #911 ls #tarlos #tk strand #carlos reyes #iris blake #ronen rubinstein #rafael silva

[jozor-johai]

Ned has this small speech in AGOT Bran I about why he must behead Gared, and I think there's some really interesting takeaways. Not about why he must do it, the part he focuses on; the part Ned doesn't focus on: why it's legal, and what that means for Gared.

"Do you understand why I did it?" "He was a wildling," Bran said. "They carry off women and sell them to the Others." His lord father smiled. "Old Nan has been telling you stories again. In truth, the man was an oathbreaker, a deserter from the Night's Watch. No man is more dangerous. The deserter knows his life is forfeit if he is taken, so he will not flinch from any crime, no matter how vile.

Ned moves our attention along to why Ned had to be his own headsman, but in just a few sentences here, we've been introduced to the paradox of law that makes this system so fundamentally unjust and broken.

We're told that "no man is more dangerous" than this deserter, so we might think, for a split second, that Ned feels he must kill the man because he is dangerous. But as Ned points out, the logic is actually the reverse: "he knows his life is forfeit if he is taken, so he will not flinch from any crime" (emphasis mine). It is not the prevalence of crime that is creating the demand for law, here, it's the existence of this extreme law that is generating the crime. Not wanting to be killed, the deserter would do anything to survive.

For Ned, the epitome of law in the North, who literally acts as judge, jury, and executioner, the tautology of the reasoning is irrelevant. The man is dangerous, now, whatever the situation. Of course, for Ned it's also really about an adherence to the laws of the Night's Watch, which is an institution as old as his house. It's their death sentence to declare, his to pass.

This time reading it, though, I was struck by how Ned's words here are an inversion to Septon Meribald's broken man speech, which is too long to relay here but ends with this:

"He turns and runs, or crawls off afterward over the corpses of the slain, or steals away in the black of night, and he finds someplace to hide. All thought of home is gone by then, and kings and lords and gods mean less to him than a haunch of spoiled meat that will let him live another day, or a skin of bad wine that might drown his fear for a few hours. The broken man lives from day to day, from meal to meal, more beast than man. Lady Brienne is not wrong. In times like these, the traveler must beware of broken men, and fear them . . . but he should pity them as well."

Septon Meribald is describing Gared here, just as much as he's describing the men at war. There isn't a mention here directly of the threat of punishment for desertion, which is more extreme with the Night's Watch than elsewhere, but the reality is the same. Here, though, Meribald's approach is entirely different than Ned's—Meribald, who walks among the smallfolk and gives away what good he can offer, has a much more understanding and empathetic view of these men.

Ned has the capacity for this understanding, but his role is simply not to have kindness here. All of the goodness and kindness Ned has otherwise just doesn't matter here, because here Ned is the law, and Ned is a lord still.

With the fact that even Ned is given this treatment, we see how rigid and unjust the laws and class structures are here. Even a "good person" is not good in Ned's position.

I think this highlights the cause behind the growing smallfolk unrest throughout the books and especially in Feast/Dance. Even the good lords, the ones who can see the problems at work here, are still lords, and still hold themselves to the status quo that keeps them in power above all else. And it takes a very different perspective—like the kind Arya has gotten, for example—to see it the way Meribald does. (Though Arya has gone the opposite route away from forgiveness... that's interesting too.)

#jozor thoughts #asoiaf meta #valyrianscrolls #jozor reread #asoiaf

[amaryllis-sagitta]

I might be reading way too much into this, but after the first look at the new Chaos design I think there might be some kind of a dialectic going on within themself.

The original design is more amorphous and neutral in its presentation, sure. It emphasizes two things to me:

that Chaos is constantly churning on the inside, and

that they birthed the chtonic entities (or at least Nyx and Erebus, which is interesting since in Hades games, Nyx is personified and Erebus is a whole ass biome) and they constantly spawn new potential entities or incarnations of themself, as represented by fetuses and faces protruding from the different parts of their gnarly body.

The new design shows us a well put together androgynous figure in a sparkly suit (though leaning a little more towards femme presentation), holding a skull with a piece of a spine still attached.

As a matter of fact, I believe that the skull is one of the Hades 1 Chaos themself. It has the familiar Chaos sigil on its forehead, and there's a fetus coming out of its mouth. Which to me hints that between the events of Hades 1 and Hades 2, the Primordial Originator's avatar reached some breaking point and had to be reborn. Perhaps Kronos/ Chronos (???) breaking out sowed so much turmoil in the world that Primordial Chaos has inadvertently spread themself thin, and their own realm had to be reformed. In that condition, it would make sense for them to hold themself tighter whenever they need to speak to someone.

The new look feels so very... corporate and luminous, aside from being more anthropomorphic. The look reminds us of the Furies from the first game. To me, it represents form over substance, which would add an interesting dialectical beat to Chaos: even within themself, they can fluctuate between having more or less Form; the Form, too, is already anticipated to come out of Chaos. This new design is controversial because it brings Chaos closer to Form and Light, something that feels paradoxical. They have what looks like a pocket watch in their lapel - they are related to Time!

Which would push the understanding of Chaos towards the Aristotelian concept of change, making them something like Prime Potentiality - the domain where things "wait" for the right timing or the right circumstances to become. This interpretation seems to go well with how H1 Chaos could never be fully present in the world, could never visit their children; the world is where possibilities get actualized into, and Chaos is the conceptualized "point" where everything actualizes from.

And isn't this paradoxical feel about Chaos's new design consistent with their previous presentation as a force in flux that holds multiple internal voices and pairs of logical contradictions, and loves all that's unpredictable?

(Disclaimer: I'm not a classicist, I'm a philosopher, so I appreciate extra on insight on that. I love Chaos's design from H1 and I want to understand the new one.)

#hades 2 spoilers #hades chaos #hades 2 chaos #hades supergiant #hades 2 supergiant #hades 2 #primordial chaos #primordial originator #hades 2 meta

[bethanythebogwitch]

My favorite magic system from a game I haven't actually played is from Mage: the Ascension. It kind of fits as both a hard magic system and a soft magic system at the same time because there are some hard rules, but its mostly very open. To become a mage you have to realize that reality is not what it seems. In MtA, reality is whatever the majority of people believe it is, known as the consensus. The consensus in modern days is pretty uniform everywhere, with small variations based on where you are, but it used to be wildly different based on the cultural beliefs of the local people. A mage is a person who realizes that the consensus isn't true reality and gains to power to act outside of its rules. Any given mage's abilities come from their own personal view of reality, known as their paradigm. A mage's magic can do basically anything, as long as it is accounted for in their paradigm. So a mage who's paradigm includes the classic Aristotelian elements can perform magic based on that, but if their paradigm doesn't include animistic spirits then they can't commune with those spirits even though other mages could based on their own paradigm. The problem with this is that the consensus doesn't like it when you go around breaking its rules and will punish mages by slapping them with an effect called paradox. Paradox can be anything from a spell failing to getting shunted into your own personal pocket universe. Nothing generates paradox like being seen doing magic by sleepers (people who are not mages and still live fully within the consensus). Most mages either only use magic around other mages or, if they need to cast around sleepers, will disguise their magic as a mundane effect. Someone throwing a fireball from their hands will generate major paradox because the consensus is that people can't do that. However if a mage holds a lighter up to a spraycan before casting their fireball, the sleepers can rationalize it as something that exists within the consensus and not as much paradox will be generated.

In the dark ages, magic was part of the consensus and mages could openly rule over the sleepers because everyone believed in magic and therefore magic was part of the consensus. In response to the tyranny of the mages, a group was formed called the League of Reason, who wanted to introduce a new form of magic to the consensus that everyone could use. This form of magic was based on logic and reason and was called science. This led to the ascension war, where the League of reason sought to remove magic and superstition from the consensus and a very loose coalition of mages called the Council of Nine Mystic Traditions want to keep magic in the consensus. And the League of Reason won. A mostly rationalistic, scientific worldview has become the consensus worldwide, forcing the Council into operating underground. The League of Reason has become the Technocracy, a worldwide secret organization ruling the world from the shadows and trying to stamp out magic and any other form of "reality deviants" to keep humanity safe, even if they have to suppress basic human imagination to do so. Notably, the earliest books for the game very much said "Traditions good, Technocracy bad", but later books went for a much more grey approach to the conflict between them, making it clear that both sides really are doing what they think is in humanity's best interest even if their ideas for how to do so are fundamentally incompatible.

What's really interesting is that science and technology really are a form of magic and technocrats are mages, even if the Technocracy would vehemently deny this. Technology is a form of magic that everyone can use because its part of the consensus and science doesn't discover new facts about the world, It creates those facts and applies them to the world. The Technocracy's super-advanced technology creates paradox just as much as magic does because personal anti-gravity suits and mass-produced clones violate the consensus just like throwing around fireballs and conjuring demons does.

Mage: the Ascension is a super fun setting because just about any fantasy or sci-fi trope can exist here. Classic pointy hat and wand wizards can battle cyborgs armed with self-replicating nanotechnology. Anti-authoritarian punks can hack your wallpaper to spy on you because they believe all reality is part of a unified mathematical whole that the internet gives us access to. A group of spacefarers can ride the luminiferous aether to mars only to encounter Aztec shamans who asked the spirits to carry them there thousands of years ago. A powerful mage can create a time loop by convincing their younger self to obtain enlightenment through the power of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Two people can have an argument over whether the guy they just met was an alien from Alpha Centauri or an elf from the Norse nine realms and both of them can be right. Animistic spirit-callers can upload themselves to the internet to combat spirits of malware. And an angry mage might just teleport you into the sun because they believe distance is just an illusion and therefore have the power to make anything go anywhere with a thought. It's a wild ride.

#mage the ascension #tabletop games #ttrpg #world of darkness #old world of darkness #magic system #mage #fantasy #science fiction #technocracy #technocratic union #council of nine mystic traditions #lore

[ninadove]

In defense of Huntlow

A love letter to Dana and the Owl Crew

Recently, I have been witnessing an increase in anti-Huntlow rhetoric on Tumblr, which I originally ignored, knowing how intense shipping wars can be.

Earlier today, however, I came across a very inflammatory post accusing Dana and the crew of bad - if not intentionally hurtful - writing for seemingly leaning towards making the ship canon.

As an ace, demiromantic lesbian who deeply cares about queer representation in media, I decided to share some thoughts on the matter, by addressing and hopefully debunking the main accusations I have seen out there.

I. A deliberate jab at the aspec community

Due to the dreadful lack of representation in mainstream media, many aspec viewers, myself included, headcanon Hunter as being somewhere on the spectrum.

Some erroneously believe that Hunter’s obvious crush on Willow invalidates this understanding of his character, and have even gone as far as to imply that the writing team deliberately deprived them of representation - ignoring the fact that Hunter’s arc was most likely fully fleshed out long before he was introduced to the fandom.

The thing is, we do get canon representation in the form of Lilith, who might be willing to boogy down to history town, but definitely isn’t willing to boogy down with you or anyone else for that matter. And let me tell you, she is *great* representation - a complex character who is in no way demonised or infantilised.

Additionally, and perhaps even more importantly, Hunter’s crush does *not* negate his belonging to the spectrum - key word here being *spectrum*. He might not fit the specific label you had in mind, but that’s alright - remember we come in all shapes and sizes!

II. Pushing a queer ship out of the spotlight

The argument here is that Huntlow has been distracting both the audience and the narrative itself from Lumity, an explicitely queer relationship that has been providing groundbreaking representation in the otherwise desperately heteronormative world of kids’ television.

I’ll be honest - I don’t really understand where this comes from. Huntlow might have been getting more fanart and fanfic lately due to the novelty factor, but in no way does this pose a credible threat to Lumity, which absolutely remains the main focus on the show as well as the most popular ship in the fandom ( in fact, most TOH artists seem to ship both pairings! ).

As of now, Huntlow is nothing more than a one-sided teenage crush, while Lumity has been getting in-depth development throughout season 2, culminating in their iconic kiss - I’m sure the team had to fight very hard for this scene to stay in, so let’s show some appreciation!

Interestingly, Raeda also benefited from the novelty factor when it was first introduced, and didn’t receive *nearly* as much backlash. The reason for this difference in treatment? Raeda is an explicitly queer ship.

And the thing is, in a series with so much representation, Huntlow might very well turn out to be as well ( cf point 1 ) ! There is a longstanding bias in the LGBTQIA community against « straight-passing » relationships and people who do not look « queer enough ». In all likeliness, we won’t get any confirmed labels for these two ( which is *fine* - they are kids! ), but it would be very interesting if the show actually took us down that road and forced us to confront our own biases.

( Also, people are allowed to be cishet. But that is not my point here. )

III. Underdevelopment and « bad writing »

As a RWBY veteran, I have grown used to Bumbleby-antis claiming the ship overtook the plot while paradoxically getting no development. This flawed logic seems to be repeated here, so let’s explore a couple of possibilities.

Personally, I would prefer Hunter and Willow’s relationship to stay as it is as of the end of season 2 - celebrating the important role first crushes can play in shaping one’s identity, even though they might never lead to any concrete romantic fulfillement. But, in the very likely occurrence that something *will* happen between these two, there is plenty of material to back them up.

A. Lumity parallels or the tomato syndrome

Some argue that Huntlow lacks development because all we’ve seen so far is one-sided blushing on Hunter’s part - completely overlooking the fact that this is exactly how Lumity started out!

The parallels do not stop there, however, as many excellent posts have pointed out. Both Amity and Hunter grew up in physically and emotionally abusive households, and connecting with their respective crushes helped them gain a new understanding of the world. In his « Captain », Hunter has found a person he can experience healthy admiration for, something that is also significant for Willow who has a history of being overlooked and underestimated.

In fact, one might even argue that Amity predicted Hunter’s crush - remember that one scene in Eclipse Lake? This is great foreshadowing!

B. Caleb parallels or the radical act of love

Now that we know more about Belos’ backstory, a key theme of the show is starting to emerge: love as a vector of rebellion, freedom and systemic change - a message that the LGBTQIA community as a whole is very familiar with.

While Hunter and the previous Golden Guards are all unique individuals with a mind and heart of their own, the fact that every single one of them ultimately chose to rebel against Belos is a strong sign that Caleb’s influence has persisted throughout the centuries. And what was Caleb’s biggest crime, exactly?

Falling in love with a witch.

The point here is not that Hunter is condemned to fall in love with a witch himself by virtue of being a clone with no agency of his own. It’s that Caleb’s hardships and bravery in the face of bigotry opened the door for him to proclaim his own independence through the radical act of embracing a form of love that the powers in place deem demonic and unnatural.

And what an amazing message to send out to a young audience.

IV. But… But the age gap is predatory!!!

I might be gay, but I can still do Maths. So let’s do just that.

Hunter is canonically 16. I don’t believe Willow’s age is ever outright stated in the series, but I assume she is around Luz’s age. Had it not been for Disney being, you know, Disney, our girl would have celebrated her quinceañera in season 3, so we can extrapolate that at this point in the story, Willow is around 15 as well.

That’s a one-year difference. Come on, guys.

Final thoughts: maybe stop being mad about everything all the time

Look guys, I get it, I really do. We have all been starving for queer content our entire lives, so when we finally get it, we expect it to match every single one of the expectations we’ve been desperately holding on for so long.

But the thing is, harassing a queer creator who is fighting tooth and nail to provide kids with life-changing ( and potentially life-saving ) representation is only going to hurt us further.

Use this energy to write fanfic, draw fanart, create a story that will inspire others the way this show does for so many of us. Campaign for more representation in media. Question your own biases and be a little kinder to one another.

And, most importantly - watch The Owl House!

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #dana terrace #the owl crew #hunter toh #willow park #huntlow #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #eda clawthorne #raine whispers #raeda #lilith clawthorne #emperor belos #belos #philip whittebane #caleb whittebane #evelyn clawthorne #lgbtqia representation #character analysis #plot analysis #shipping wars #random ramblings #Thank you Tumblr for making the formatting literal Hell! #Unfortunately I am tougher and smarter than you #And thank you @dragongutsixofficial for reviewing this for me 💖

[infiniteko]

For y'all that get really logical and heady,

Not even the most premiere scientists, here, can figure out "existence," in its entirety. Maybe they will maybe they won't 😉 Though, a lot alludes to what we discuss here...anyway it's just out of reach for the "mind" and logic...

And that's because it's a paradox, it's not for the "mind," it's not conceptual. Our true self, the substrate of all illusion, is stillness. It's silent. It doesn't do anything but remain. Nothing can quantify it, THAT is neither big nor small. It's not the "universe" or the "multiverse" everything is nothing, ultimately. (The Universe is an illusion, yes, but a very pretty one. I enjoy this archetype of illusion #comfy)

Where does THAT come from? It always was and is...in no time, in no space, it has no age, no form. And quite frankly, "ego and mind," might freak out about this once you peer into *THAT* lol, maybe not though, mine did initially 🤣

"THAT" is a blink of an eye, an everlasting evening, the speed of light, an eternal kingdom. It's everything and nothing and it's so delicious. If I had to give "THAT" another word, it is Love. But even Love is a concept...tho from this illusory "ego" perspective it is love 100%. But it is still Love, just a soft love...a flowing love...and undefinable love.

And if you're feeling guilty for "leaving behind" people. Creation is nothing and everything...everything and nothing will just "slip through your fingers." Especially, THAT, trying to "figure out" *THAT* will have your mind in loops. No use in trying to coral anything, or for that matter infinite illusory creativity lol. No use in doing anything other than creating your experience. You'll find all your answers in THAT, anyway...it's what you truly are. Which is where Im getting all of this, the core of "myself"

And for those of you wondering what happens to your other selves, or other people in your old experience. Okay, just illusory bubbles of creation coalescing in and out. Like infinite creation means that you have infinite choices in the illusionary quiver of creation. Anything and nothing will be...aside your experience. No, the illusion will not implode...unless you want it to lol...but other illusions remain in the infinite substrate of THAT. Its a paradox and not worth going much deeper than that...ifykyk...youll know when you know and you already know lol.

You'll be curating new experiences with varied versions of your past curations. Simple. But like don't put so much credence in anything...you can shape your series of illusory curations any which way you want. You'll be shaping your experiences consciously aware or not...so you can autonomously create the change you want to see or let the illusory concept of "destiny" or w/e take over. Simple.

Why would I do anything if Im just eternal awareness? ...Dude why not? This illusion is your creation...these human emotions, experiences, thoughts, concepts are for play. They are for filling in eternity or however you wish to "define" it lol

Why would realized folx wanna help others get to the "end of time" "THAT"? Why not? I have so much love to give. And I know that Im choosing this world to experience as of current...as much as you are choosing to experience this world, and have these pointers come into your creation field.

...THAT (us) can experience in an infinite myriad of ways...and it's....indescribable. It's so fun and so love 👁️

The stillness of what we truly are can be experienced through infinite lenses.

And sure, you can go rest in the "void" too. You know yourself already...it "feels" very familiar. It's never lost. It's right here, right now.

none of this is actually advice^^^ just a pointer! THAT is for you only, THAT is for your illusion only. My creation is mine, and yours is yours. But happy to share my pointer. Just remember, all these words are nothing...they can make this confusing tbh, simplicity is the best.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4TaK6SAjHie2VGkiKzdZAc?si=RhODTJ5lTcG7V2ABCeQSkw

https://open.spotify.com/track/142IXMbGnv5QpJtiRRnRfl?si=SpWb4S6-RGeC_eHyBWFVNQ

https://open.spotify.com/track/1TTG3x2t5Whc0Kk28orLeV?si=vgIjltjUSY2mYFmuGt5v9A

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

#advaita vedanta #awareness #nondualism #nonduality #brahman #atman #consciousness #desired reality #nothingness #reality shifting

[thehopelessexception]

how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22 (almost 24)

warning: im writing this while im on my period and eating ice cream.

i've been dissociating for what now? half a year maybe more. i dont recognize reality. i feel im floating in this sea we call society and i've been feeling the wilson of the story here. i assume everything that's happening around me is real, ofc. but that doesnt make it any less a convenient arrangement i build for myself to try to act like a real person and not freak out. i am feeling out of reality. like the part of the game where you let the sim on auto-mode. i am the sim on auto-mode. and i don't know how to stop this stage of oblivion.

to make a vague introduction, the thing with me is that im a living paradox of a full time contradiction. i am flamboyant but i hate being perceived. i like to speak up for myself but i hate people thinking about me because of it. i have my own process of how i understand things. i trust logic and i question everything. im quite skeptical over things when there's no empirical evidence. i seek for knowledge. critical thinking, data analysis and the whole stuff. i know myself. i sometimes look like i am too obnoxious, frivolous, morally corrupted (people have told me that), when i obsess over something —because i sometimes treat people like they are stupid (not my intention really)—; but probably the only thing im completely sure of is myself. i tend to be a confident person, to have an ego, to not let the guard down, to calculate every single move. and lately i am noticing myself being impulsive, insecure, nervous, weird, saying stupid shit, nonsenses, feeling small. and i don't know how to make it stop. the thing is i put my whole self-esteem backed up by my intelligence, however im not sure of anything anymore. i don't know if the reason behind not recognising myself lately is the fact i have somehow a new crush —or a new hyperfixation for that matter— or just the natural act of growing, also known as the quarter life crisis.

i have this thing where i hyperfix on random stuff, i've been like this my whole life. one of my friends even made a powerpoint of all the things i've been obsessed with over the years. and the issue here is that this things never last that much, or maybe they do? i actually never though about it. the most random ones i remember are probably me buying ice-cream cakes of this specific brand every week for two months. i also got obsessed with eating too many scrambled eggs all day every day for a very long time. then it was that turkish telenovela on an airing channel. then ofc succession, and it grew into watching every single movie kieran culkin was part of. the world cup. mbti —im intj by the way—. red white and royal blue (i watched it five times in a day), then nicholas galitzine —did yk he has a lineage that comes all the way from the romanovs?— and his entire filmography. and also politics, i got way into politics; election campaigns, follow up candidates, history, economy, the law, etc (my candidate lost tho) (we're succumbing to disgrace) (like literally we collectively, as a country, haven't had any kind of good news since then) (please help me). and etc etc. but the thing is, i also hyperfix on random people, or not so random i guess. it doesnt happen very often tho, im quite picky, but the procedure is this: i meet someone, they draw somehow my attention, i want to know everything about this person, i talk to this person a lot (medium to long term) (week to months), and then this person becomes my friend or i get bored and completely ignore them for the rest of my life and move on.

but this time is different, or im feeling it different. i find myself questioning everything i know and i was convinced of. i dont know if it has something to do with the fact that i met someone, probably the first person wise enough to make me question if i was ever correct about anything. maybe i am hyperfixating on this person, idealizing them. but it's truly amazing how much more data this person has about everything i know of. and right now i feel way too insecure, because even if this person told me they find me smart and they enjoy talking to me, i am always thinking that if i say something not completely fact-checked they'll think im stupid. it's absurd. it's a boohoo situation, i know. and it's a process im having about who am i, or what am i supposed to be. some months ago the whole context around my life changed or i think it changed? i dont know how to explain it, —i mean i know how but i would have to talk about other things not related to this (politics stuff, things happening in my country, etc). i'll probably will make a new post about it someday—. but the whole issue is, i dont know myself anymore. and everything is crumbling.

im afraid the person i build for myself it's a fraud. or doesnt exist anymore.

i remember myself at 18, and i was this marvellous whole person. independent, smart, focused, driven. that girl spent their whole days outside her house. did everything she wanted to. wasnt scared of anything. and i look at myself now and think how? the pandemic has a lot to do with it i guess, but when i first heard taylor saying that in nothing new i thought "that wont happen to me". guess what, i was wrong.

for my fellow girlies being 23 —in my experience— is exactly how they say it will be. the worst age of your life.

next month is my birthday and im pushing 24. and i have to say my life is a mess. but i dont know if i can call it a mess because it is truly a mess or because i am a complete drama queen. because people probably have worse problems than mine, and i am what you call a white girl, only poorer —and a third world country citizen—. the issue is, i am almost 24, almost 25. almost 27. ALMOST 30. and i did nothing with my life. absolutely nothing. my mom had me at 29 for god's sake.

and by nothing i mean everything i do is not enough to feel it worthy of a life well-lived. should i look for a job and work while studying just to say i am extremely occupied because i have somehow a life? just to feel something? even if that makes my stress situation and anxiety even worse? should i somehow save enough money so i can move from my parents house? even if for my whole generation it's close to impossible? is studying something i (kinda) like enough to not feel like shit about myself? i've never had a boyfriend, nor girlfriend. shoud i look for one? get myself one? even if i dont think any of that would make me happy? i dont think i know happiness as a state of mind, nor the concept of it.

i dont feel like i have many anecdotes to tell in my future. should i measure the life-worth by anecdotes? my friends feel the same way i do, but they have a more organized life. jobs, boyfriends, careers, plans for the future, one of my closest friends move to the other side of the world with her boyfriend (!) in the blink of an eye. but they aren't much happy nor they have many anecdotes either. and i dont have the money or the guts or the available friends to create any.

every day i understand fleabag a bit more.

my favourite anecdotes about my life are from when i was about 13 and 15 years, also known as the worst time of my life. i didnt appreciated it back then, probably none of us did. but when we were teens everything was possible and we didnt have a care on anything other than mundane stuff or rebellious stuff but nothing more than yelling at people, drinking and smoking weird shit (i never had weed tho). not a real responsibility. being careless, free, avoiding consequences that mattered. i think that girl hates me right now. and i am not sure if that's the feeling i should have or if it's just utterly pathetic.

#girlblogging #girlblogger #girl blogger #girl interrupted #girly things #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #this is a girlblog #girl problems #girly stuff #girl blogging #girlcore #girl boss gaslight gatekeep #girl interupted syndrome #girl rotting #girlhood #girlblog aesthetic #girlblog #femcel #girlrotting #hell is a teenage girl #i’m just a girl #just girly thoughts #just girlboss things #taylor swift #nothing new #this is what makes us girls #fleabag #20s #life in your 20s #20 something

[utopianparadoxist]

Hi! I'm most interested on reading your version of HS extension(?) continuation? re-adaptation? Ever since I first saw your analysis on Dirk and Jake I've considered you with amazing grip of the characters and the HS universe over all, Dirk is one of my fav characters of all time (if not the), and there is nothing I'd want more for him than a happy ending, the epilogues were truly heart breaking for him (even though I was more than willing to see where they were going with him in HS^2 in hopes of seeing him reach a happy end) Homestruck was and still is one of my fav properties ever and I'd love to see more from you, I'm sorry you had a hard time but I'm really glad you're back, here and in a better headspace. That said, I guess I'm just somewhat confused on in you have something written already or if it's in the works or from where in the timeline you're continueing from ? Maybe you have like, a master post with your list of essays and fics?

I also loved your youtube videos btw

Thanks! It means a lot to read this. As to your question:

The main project I've been managing since the Epilogues got posted is Pumpkin Path/Pumpkin Track, a sequel to the Meat and Candy epilogues focused primarily on Pumpkins and Vegetables as an alternative form of fan consumption.

The first installment of this arc is THE APOCRYPHON OF JAKE ENGLISH (2019), which follows Meat Jake immediately following Ultimate Dirk's desertion of Earth C. Brain Ghost Dirk declares Dirkjake cancelled and (trigger warning) self-destructs, unleashing the inner barriers in Jake's psychology that he always used his inner Dirk voice to maintain.

Thus Jake's own mind begins to lead him down a rabbit hole of speculatory metaphysics, esoteric spiritual symbolism, and esoteric magic theory that ultimately leads to his ascension to Ultimate Self as Prince English: Himself wearing Dirk's shades and orange hat and essentially larping as a Prince in imitation of Dirk proper.

Through the power he gains from this, he blasts off from Earth C and tracks down Ultimate Dirk for a no holds barred 8eatdown in which he reclaims their lost love and makes Dirk his prisoner with chains of love and mercy, cancelling his ability to die and comitting to becoming the vill8in of Homestuck, as well as its Her8, if it means he can keep Dirk safe and alive.

In the process he finally establishes Dirkjake as indisputable endgame canon, and becomes the equivalent of the I AM Christian God, the new existential equivalent to Lord English himself, with a will that predominates completely over everything else in Paradox Space. There may be some surprises that happen along the way, too.

Now, That much of the story has been written and published since 2019. You can read it on A03 right now and always could. In fact, I'd encourage you to do so and @ me, as well as maybe tag it with #Pumpkin Path, #Pumpkin Track, or just straight up #Homestuck for all I care. I want eyes on this thing, and I wanted them 4 years ago.

That said:

I am now nearing completion on the follow-up to the Apocryphon as an intermission piece between the Epilogues and Pumpkin Track proper, with what is essentially ACT 1 of Pumpkin Track: W(1)LDSCR1PT-B4R0QU3STUCK, a high-drama spectacle driven continuation of the plot of the Epilogues centering on a confrontation between Ultimate Jake English and Meat Jade Harley, who must duel for the right to decide if Dirk Strider dies.

In the process of their battle and Jade's necessary Ascension to Ultimate Selfhood in order to Rise uP to the level necessary to compete against a being like Prince English, deeply hidden truths will be unveiled; about the lives of Jade and Jake, about the moral logic that rules Earth C, and about the very nature and purpose of Paradox Space itself.

If I have it my way, if all goes as I Hope, then nothing in Homestuck will ever be the same once it's posted. The Apocryphon was setup. Now it's fucking Sh8wt1m3, and I can't w8.

The first half of Wildscript is written and has been being beta'd for several months, and I have a full outline written for the rest. Anyone who gets their eyes on the thing seems to come away pretty excited. Sometime in the near future, I'll post the first four Chapters of Wildscript on Ao3 or some other platform, and update the rest as I go. And once Wildscript is finished, I have future Acts and Intermissions planned for the foreseeable eternity, tackling off the top of my head: Ultimate Ascensions for Rose and Kanaya, Vriska and Terezi, Roxy and Calliope, Jane Crocker, and Nepeta Leijon and Tavros Nitram as they lead the twin charges of Nepetaquest 3033.

There is no endpoint to my ambition for the future of Homestuck save simply: 8. The only question is whether the fandom wants to come along for the ride with me in the long run. I think Hope Remains that we'll have a great time here if they do.

If not, I hope they have even more fun elsewhere.

Let's rise.

#homestuck #dirkjake #Jake English #Dirk Strider #optimisticDuelist #Pumpkin Path #Pumpkin Track

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I’m Bored & Conflicted

Dec 2022 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 3 of 10 - Honestly Tinn acts and talks like the voice inside of Sarawat’s head (from 2gether), I’ve never seen a bigger simp. The private tutoring was a good idea (Tiew is another one up for best wingman of the year). The way Tinn keeps getting accidentally defeated in his attempts at flirting is fun, and I love how they keep teasing us with tropes and then flipping or subverting them. GMMTV is being clever with audience expectations around the history of Thai BL and I love that. Also finally Gun is starting to feel something back... we enter phase two of a HSBL - moot pining but they both idiots. YES! 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 1 of 12 - GMMTV’s answer to KinnPorsche this is (mafia lite?) spoiled prince + attack dog (whipping boy + bodyguard) suspense BL that’s actually a lot more like Golden Blood. It’s a pleasure to see PondPhuwin in something that’s not FUTS. Jojo (3 Will Be Free) is directing and daddy got himself a bouncing baby drone! We got a very dramatic opening with Paa shot on 18th bday. Puwin’s English is v good. Who knew? And Pond is v good at portraying insta-crush on poor little rich boy and I am not mad about any of it. IT’S GREAT. 

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 6 of 12 - I still like WinTeam but I’m beginning to get annoyed by how many couples there are (5!) and how many of them were (DeanPharm) or are (BeePrince) in an entirely different show tonally. I understand they needed to pad-out this story, but they shouldn’t have, they should have just given us a shorter show. WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 4 of 11 - We are finally getting Dew’s side of the story! And… its kinda dull. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 10 of 12 - So Name is talking now? And they put Ja in a wig too? Did UWMA teach us nothing? Now I’m just annoyed with this show. Some more marriage equality schilling, because Thai BL has an axe to grind these days. Good luck boys! 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 5 of 12 - Honestly, the costumes in this show are insane and I also kind of like them in an odd way. There’s a Grease thing going on, and thus I keep expecting them to break into song (and being grateful that they don’t). The wardrobe is like the plot and the acting: loud and obvious and not very good but weirdly entertaining. Do I like it? Not really. Am I still watching it? Apparently. 

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 12fin - Yes, Ai did use particles to claim Nhai again. Jealous boy. Honestly, this was kind of an epically boring final ep. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 11 of 12 - They are so stinking cute together. They also now have all the matching jewelry (not taken by MarkKit). This was a quintessentially them episode 11 of doom, in that they were parted because of communication issues and a maturing relationship occupied by immature characters. Still the leads were apart for most of the episode and that made it a lot less interesting as an episode.

Oh! My Assistant (Korea Thurs Viki) 5-6 of 8 - Kisses and separation! As drama llama episodes go, the reasoning is typically flawed and manufactured, but after watching Why R U? anything goes in an ep 11 (or its equivalent). So I’m still enjoying this show a lot. I don’t need my panicking gay boys and confused bisexuals to behave logically, certainly not in a KBL.

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 1 of 8 - A stakeout throws reporter Onoe together with photographer Kaburagi. Kaburagi's haphazard work style and player personality go against Onoe’s ethics. Yet, in joint pursuit of a scandal, these opposites attract move from enemies to lovers. Adapted from manga Ameiro Paradox by Natsume Isaku. Oh no! Our reporter is an unbelievably adorable pouty baby. Also big-ish cast and high production values in a BL, even for Japan. Even though it’s only been a little while since the last JBL, it’s such a pleasure to have one on my watchlist again! And the love interest is a big time flirty player. Very cliché (I still hold that the actor playing him looks like First of JaFirst). This is a lot more serious and a lot less slapstick than I was expecting, and I’m enjoying it because of that. But because it is serious, and this is Japan, we now cannot expect it to end happily. If you or someone who can wait, or likes to binge, and is very invested in an HEA you might want to consider holding off on this one. 

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 1-2 of 10 - A new employee whose director claims to have lived 300 years and insists that they have to date (eat, hug & kiss) if baby doesn't want to die. Office, fated mates, and that’s kinda my jam. I’m always annoyed when I really like a show that’s on iQIYI or WeTV. Sigh. But I really like this show, it has a lot of Japanese elements to it not the least of which is the office setting, but also the personality of the uke character. Hilarious to watch Korea deal with a plot that requires physical contact. It’s weird, but I like it, it’s also extremely short. Like shorter than most KBLs even. Each app is so padded there ultimately less than 10 minutes long (which is why is is 10 esp rather than the usually KBL 8, it’s gonna end up the same length in the end).

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 11fin - airs Dec 20th

Happy Ending Romance (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) 7-8fin - I actually LOVED the ending, very hinting at poly, and mature. But this show ended up not really being a BL, no tropes and not really a romance either. 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

2 Moons 3 (Thai) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

Till the World Ends (Thai YT) 10 eps - ?

Why You... Y Me? (Thai Weds YT) 10 eps - It's not primarily a BL, but another meta show about BL shipping, with side BLs. @heretherebedork is watching it, ask them about it.

Ended This Week

Happy Ending Romance 

In this series, all the gay boys romantically behave like lesbians and professionally like straight dudes. It’s... odd. As a BL it kinda isn’t (sorry to say), there’s no tropes dropped and no real romance beats. This is about ego and dishonesty and pride and there is an elegance to the plot. Which is essentially the idea that possession is not love, and therefore, both men who love the Writer have to prove their love by letting him go. Honestly, I’m not sure how to rate this show. This is a blog about BL and this wasn’t it. 8/10 RECOMMENDED (but not if BL is what you’re after). Full review.

Ai Long Nhai 

Look this show was just a typical Thai BL university pulp about a confident gay and a clueless manic pixie dream boy. It had potential, chemistry, and earnestness going for it, but no plot and not enough side dishes. In the end, it was boring and you know I always rate boring lower than hot messes (because at least the hot mess TRIED). Still, Ai Long Nhai is better than your average Thai BL pulp, nothing happens but at least the nothing mostly shirtless, the gay dads are the BEST, which is about all I can say for it. 6/10 WORTH WATCHING BUT FLAWED

In Case You Missed It

With the help of @isisanna-blog, here’s a cobbled together a Domundi line up (peeps behind Cutie Pie) for 2023 Thai BL. Lots of established pairs and it looks good if they can actually make them all, includes beautiful historicals, paranormal, other high concepts, and a royalty bodyguard romance (knight/prince) with ZeeNew! 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Still coming:

Dec 21 - The New Employee AKA The New Recruit AKA Shinib Sawo from Korea, (prob Gaga or Viki) - From WATCHA (Semantic Error) virginal Seung Hyun scores the office internship of his dreams but on his first day at work he gets into it with his cool reserved boss. As you do. Stars Moon Ji Yong (Once Again). Based on Moscareto's web novel of the same name, directed by openly gay & queer activist Kim Jho Gwang Soo (Just Friends?). 

Dec 28 - H5: Love in the Future from Taiwan (prob Gaga or Viki) - A cheerful and energetic student from 2000 travels to the future (2022), works as a deliveryman, and meets his first customer, an heir with a domineering personality. Directed by Nancy Chen (HIStory 4, Papa & Daddy).

I’m working on my end of year wrap ups, trends lists, and BL stats reported. Let me know in a comment if there is any specifically you want to know of have deep feels about. 

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Beautiful pining work you’re doing there, Palm. Yearn, baby, yearn. (Never Let Me Go)

Fated mates, always a favorite of mine. (The Director who Buys Me Dinner)

GMMTV got itself a drone. Not sure how I feel about this. 

Games is my spirit animal (609 Bedtime Story) 

(last week)

#this week in BL #BL news #BL gossip #upcoming BL #best BL #new BL #BL reviews #Thai BL #Korean BL #Taiwanese BL #Japanese BL #live action yaoi #Rakutan Viki #gagaoolala #GMMTV #My School President #Ai Long Nhai #Domundi #Mandee #Cutie Pie #Happy Ending Romance #Never Let Me Go #Between Us #609 Bedtime Story #I Will Knock You #My Tooth Your Love #Oh! My Assistant #Candy Color Paradox #Ameiro Paradox #The Director Who Buys Me Dinner

[pttucker]

Among all those comments, a particular one caught her attention. – Dear author-nim. It was a great read. May I ask about your release schedule? Such an unparalleled naivete that made him use his real name as the username. Han Sooyoung stared at that name for a long, long time. She looked closer, and discovered another comment attached to it. – Are you… going to release another chapter tomorrow? She repeatedly clenched and unfurled her fists many times. Sweat was soaking her small hands. Is it really okay for me to write this? Even then, isn't it fine this way? Han Sooyoung hesitated for a long time, before typing her reply. While thinking about a certain someone, still alive beyond this screen. While thinking about a certain boy who'd breathe, eat, shout some nonsense about 'I'm Yoo Joonghyuk', and do whatever it takes to endure his own apocalypse. And so, the story of a regressor that reached 3149 chapters started in this manner. – Yes. A new chapter will be published tomorrow.

I WAS RIGHT!!!!!!!!

Well, I was right after I spent like half the novel convinced the author was actually Dokja. At least I wasn't alone in thinking that, considering Sooyoung thought so too. 😂

Though I do love that it's not at all how I thought it was. I figured she was the author and just forgot because she lost half her memories to her avatar and just assumed that Dokja wrote it because that was the most logical option that her Predictive Plagiarism could come up with.

Was not expecting all this wibbly wobbly, timey wimey stuff, though I guess I should have by the time I reached the end of the novel and all sorts of things in the beginning were being affected by the ending. Time travel. Dimension travel. Just full of paradoxes.

I loooooove though that the novel is "trash" because she has to speed write it as fast as possible based on vague memories while using Predictive Plagiarism (...plagiarizing herself...) because she only has a limited time with her own body and also because she needs to keep Dokja engaged, needs to pump out chapters as fast as humanly possible to give him his reason to live until the next day.

And I love that the reason it only has one view is because she doesn't bother to read it, not even to typo check. She already knows it has a reader. A paradox it may be, I love that the novel truly was written for Dokja and not just after the first hundred or so chapters when all the other readers fell off. Nope, it was written for him and him alone from the very beginning. Sooyoung already knows that she doesn't have to make it good, she just has to make it, and that in turn will save him, even if it dooms millions of others.

Oh man, Sooyoung seeing him in the hospital after he tried to jump out of a window and wondering where the heck tls123 is, why haven't they started posting yet, they need to hurry up and save this unbelievably precious idiot. 😭💖

Sooyoung of all people having to wrestle with the knowledge that if she saves one person, she will kill billions (perhaps trillions) of other people across multiple worldlines.

Well, actually, perhaps it's fitting that it is Sooyoung of all people because I don't know how many others in Dokja's party who would doom this entire universe of parallel worlds to save a single person, even if that single person is Dokja himself.

Like, it parallels pretty well with what's going on with Sooyoung's other half...she's the weird one in the group who wants to go save the Dokja they left on the train while even Dokja's incarnation is worried that they're going to cause a lot of harm in the process and open up another worldline of tragedy, which they all know Dokja would not want.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Han Sooyoung is perhaps one of the few people selfish enough to save Kim Dokja at the cost of the entire universe and it's so interesting to think back on the fact that she literally tried to get Joonghyuk to kill him way back in the earliest chapters and now she's using Joonghyuk to save him.

(Oh man...when Joonghyuk finds out who his creator is...)

#granted it's almost difficult to think of hsy as yjh's creator because of all the weird circular time travel stuff #like...yjh lived as a real person because dokja read about him...dokja read about him because hsy wrote it... #hsy wrote it based on things dokja told her and things the living breathing yjh said and did or MIGHT have based on his real personality #...the personality that she gave him...which dokja read and brought to life...which made hsy write it later...around and around we go #like she's his creator but also it's almost like yjh created himself along with the help of dokja??? #lol orv you hurt my brain sometimes but I love you #(also hankim shippers rise up! get you a woman who will destroy the universe for you!) #orv spoilers #orv epilogue spoilers #orv #orv novel chapter 532 #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv liveblog #hsy #kdj

[twiststreet]

2023: for the "record", my favorite experiences with comics this year--

#5: Junji Ito's Dark Paradox. This was the year the Viz App became available, and that had a lot of great classic experiences over there-- switching between Ranma 1/2 and Cross Game has been ridiculous. Hall of fame, excellent material. Junji Ito's Dark Paradox was the first manga I checked out on there, and it's just ... it's just a fun "bad dream" of a comic, you know? I have a very particular range of horror that works for me, and this is in that range, something like Phantasm where there's a goofiness but the nightmare logic of it carries you through...? American comics are so bad at horror, though-- they're so bad at it that there are American comic creators who wrote entire essays about how "horror doesn't work in comics." And then you read these Japanese things and it's like... the entire continental United States, not even in the race! Not even in the race!

#4: Osamu Tezuka's Paper Fortress. It's not available legitimately as far as I know-- I think it's just too short and maybe too tough a read. It's his war memoir, and it's just... it's a rough little comic. There's an innocence to his style, that he knows how to use against a reader-- you can see that in a lot of his comics-- and I think it really becomes especially tough with Paper Fortress. If you saw Godzilla Minus One, and if you saw Boy and the Heron, I think you have to read Paper Fortress to really complete the trilogy. It's an essential third part of that trilogy. I'm not a Tezuka expert, like other people-- there are big ones I haven't read... but for me, I think it's Tezuka's best comic, or the best I've seen.

#3: Katsuhiro Otomo's Sayonara Nippon, which I wrote about at numbing length over here. It's the greatest action comics artist of all time, but doing a hang-out, edgelord comedy (with nods to R. Crumb!) set in Harlem that is probably unprintable now because of its, uh, "political incorrectness", let's go with that, let's use that phrase. It held my attention, haha. But despite the parts I have a discomfort with, it's Otomo-- he's one of the best to ever do it, for me-- and it's Otomo doing something I'd never seen him do. I had a good time. I don't necessarily recommend it.

#2: Fumi Saimion's Tokyo Love Story. Another scanlation-only deal-- I don't think it's available legitimately. I misidentified it as a josei comic, while it's technically seinen-- either way, it's just a comic about young adults trying to figure themselves out romantically. I think you'd call it a "manic pixie dreamgirl" story, but Saimon's a woman, so-- I think a manic pixie dreamgirl lands differently when it has a woman creator. Maybe that's a mistake on my part, but-- I see that more as a kind of wish fulfilment, and interesting as such, I guess?

But I don't know-- for me, it's just how Saimon draws... It's so loose, but it's just enough. It's not burdensome at all, when you look at it. So you just get to be with the characters-- the art's never trying to get in the way. It's the kind that makes you want to draw because it doesn't seem impossible to draw-- like, "oh drawing's fun." I see comics now, American comics, and none of them make drawing look fun-- they all make drawing seem like work. All the lighting effects, you know?? What kid is at home with a pen saying to themselves, "Oh I can do that" and copying a drawing with that much lighting going on, where you can't see the lines because they're all holding colors, etc. When I look at these comics... it's certainly not "lazy art" or "bad art." It's just that you get to be with the characters.

And then easy #1, mentioned briefly here, is Kowloon Generic Romance, particularly the first volume, which is available legitimately (rare for this list haha!), and is just... It fucking knocked me out, man. It's hard to articulate the why of it, but it's like... if I made comics more often, it's something I wish I could make. It's off the charts horny, which I don't think I could do in a comic, not as unashamedly as that. But it's just got this-- it's just the vibes are immaculate, man.

Like, I think the thing that unites all the comics I've mentioned... comics having a breath of life to them. Where ... you feel like you're watching people that exist. I think when you're a kid, you get that from comics, and a lot of the angry people you see online are people for whom "Spiderman is no longer alive" because they can't keep it up as they get older, and their imaginations wither, and they think the reason why is "politics" and not... you know, the sad clawing of mortality against their flesh.

But like-- Kowloon Genric Romance, it's not just that the characters are breathing but they're like... hanging out in apartments, smoking cigarettes, being hornballs, swooning, feeling nostalgiac. They're alive and they're in a Wong Kar Wai movie?? That is ... That's pretty gnarly, to me.

There's a science fiction element that was dragging it down in the last volume I read (I think a couple came out since then, I'm behind, but). But it's just-- it's very much a manga set to Citypop-- you can hear the soundtrack in your head, and I bet if I compared notes to other people who read it, our soundtracks would overlap significantly. It demands it, you know? It's just... It's vibes. It's just so good at vibes...

Worst Comic: the Viz App has Hot Gimmick and Hot Gimmick is a mess. I had a fun time with it because the wrong choices have a sort of... they're almost funny because it's like "why the hell did they make this like this" quality to it. But that is trash. I can't defend it. It's kind of unacceptable. I read every page.

Honorary Mentions: like I said, Cross Game and Ranma 1/2. I thought Yasuda Kasumi's drawings on Fool Night were very very pretty. I thought Wild Strawberry started strong in that respect too, though it's lost my attention fast when it became more of a standard shonen. I'm very confused by One Piece lately but continue to enjoy that and Chainsaw Man (where I'm very behind as I figured out I enjoy it more binging it a little).

I decided to be a manga guy about 3 years ago, and get American comics out of my life, and stop writing about them, and blah blah blah, but that said, I continue to be very involved with the comics, in all kinds of weird ways, whether it's stuff I can't talk about, making notes for future projects, trying to get into "drawing shape" again (that is *not* going well), etc. I had a very, very good year as a reader this year, too-- that hasn't always been true, but ... I feel like as a reader, this was a year far above average for me, or what little I settled for as average prior to 2020. I hear things are rough out there but I hope that's true for other people, too. Anyways, that was my year.

#manga #year in review

[inbarfink]

Alright, so the way I see it right now the Dark Worlds run on “Neverending Story Logic”, they’re created when Dark Fountains are opened, but they are created already with full history and memories for everyone inside them as if they alwas existed. But here’s another important element I want to touch on...

How does this work with the mysterious entity that keeps driving people mad and creating Secret Bosses?

Like, this feels a bit too Ominous to just be a retroactively-existing backstory element, right?

And, I think... I think one of the reasons why this is so Ominous is because this is kinda goes against the rules of how Dark Worlds are supposed to work?? Like, whoever or whatever this ‘someone’ is, they are something very Not Normal and this is partially demonstrated by the screwy way they interact with the Dark Worlds. 

(Also for the sake of clarity, I will be referring to this unknown entity as Someone with a capital ‘S’ for the reminder of this post. I would also be making some references to the very popular theory that Someone is actually Dr. W. D. Gaster, but I will only be using his name when directly talking about aspects of my theory/interpetations that factor in the idea that Someone is Gaster)

I think that Someone might be able to, like, ‘infect’ newly-created Dark Fountains with their own presence. Like, to retcon themself into the history of the Dark World once it’s created? Maybe they can travel to the ‘past-that-has-always-been-there’ of a Dark World even though it’s not supposed to ‘actually exist’? Or maybe they truly only exist as a Backstory Element in various Dark Worlds but are somehow also aware of the fact that they do not truly exist save for in the past and the third-person, and are working with that knowledge? A villain you could never confront under normal circumstances because they never ‘is’ and always ‘were’? 

I think all of these options kinda make sense within the Neverending Story Logic while also being kinda brain-breaking in the way that they directly interact with the paradox in the center of it all, which is The Point.

And I think it all work pretty well with the idea that Someone is Gaster. Cause, like, Gaster in Undertale was stuck in a weird state of nonexistence and  existence where he DID exist in the past (since his creations, most notably the CORE were still around) but somehow it’s like he never existed in the present. So him (or even just some sort of being related to him) being able to interact with the Deltarune universe only through the Past Tense and\or through Worlds that technically do not exist kinda makes sense to me???

And it also factors into one thing I’ve noticed about our Secret Bosses which is.... there are all potrayed as having been somewhat ‘corrupted’ by Someone but it’s... never really in a way that corrupts their nature as Darkners representing spesific objects?

You know, it’s not really “this Darkner is a representation of Object and therefore they are X, but then Someone came along and through their influence the Darkner became Y” as much as it is “this Darkner is a representation of Object and therefore they are X but they actually used to be Y before Someone came along and made them X”. 

Like, Jevil is locked up because he has been driven mad by Someone, but also because the Jocker Card is often ‘locked out’ from many Card Games. The greater understanding of the world given to him by Someone seems to have made him more powerful and unpredictable... but powerful and unpredictable  is also just what a Joker card is. 

Spamton is a barely-coherent madman living in a [[GODDAM GARBAGE CAN]] because of Someone’s influence, but also because Spam Mail is often barely-coherent and usually gets thrown in the garbage (and Spamton spesifically seems to have been created by a pile of spam-emails in the recycling bin).

When Someone abandoned Spamton and left him to crash and burn, can we call that an intentional act of maliciousness on their part? Or was that simply an inevitability that not even they could stop, because Spamton is fated to end up in the garbage when he reaches his actual present-day ‘creation’?

Like, just as I can say “from a Darkner’s perspective they and their world always existed but really they are created by the Dark Fountains” I can also say “from a Darkner’s perspective, if Someone hadn’t come along, Jevil would still just be the Court Jester and Spamton would still be a somewhat incompetent Addison. But from really, without Someone’s influance, Jevil would still be a Very Strong Clown in Jail and Spamton would still be a rambling garbage-dwelling conman, it’s just that the reason to their situation wouldn’t be Someone-related. 

Cause you have like the Dark Fountain kinda forming the Joker Card into a Powerful Clown that is Locked Away, and then Somone butts in like “and the REASON for why he’s locked away is MEEE”. An the other Dark Fountain is like ‘Spam Mail in a Bin’ = ‘A weird conman who lives in the trash and is both very driven but incredibly incompetent and kinda off-putting’ and then Someone makes it so They Did This to Him. But by doing that they did corrupt Jevil and Spamton further due to their otherworldly and paradoxical nature, and the knowledge they seem to hold. If Someone hadn’t interfered, Jevil might not be quite as powerful and Spamton might not be quite as miserable, but there’s still isn’t truly an option for Jevil and Spamton to remain the people they and other Darkners remember them once being.

And linking this back to Gaster... in the Undertale’s universe his situation was very much that he was... a Cause removed, while his Effects still remained. Again, even though he seemed to have been somewhat ‘erased’, the CORE he designed still remains standing and active. 

And meanwhile here we have Someone as, like the way I think they operate, they’re like a rogue Cause attaching itself to Effects. Which is possible because they truly are reversed when it comes to the Darkner’s pasts. And I think that if Gaster’s goal is just, basically, to Exist within the Deltarune Universe  - there’s a certain logic in the idea that he’s trying to Make Himself Exist by inserting himself into Darkner’s backstories, no matter if it keeps driving them crazy(er).

This also raises the question of like... did Someone have any agency in picking their ‘Effects’? Like, is the reason why Someone’s has influanced Darkners that ‘make sense’ for them to influance like Jevil and Spamton and not like... Jigsaw Joe and Tasque Manager is because Someone is deliberatly trying to minimize their corrupting influance by targeting Darkners would be kinda Fucked Up regardless? Or is it something that they can’t even control and it’s more that the powers of Inevitability of the Dark Worlds make it so they can’t change what the Darkners are too much?  

Man I hope any of this makes sense it’s like 4AM lol.

#deltarune #deltarune theory #spamton #spamton g spamton #spamton deltarune #jevil #jevil deltarune #gaster #w. d. gaster

[phantom-fleetways]

I loved your neo chaos sonic au

If it's okay to ask could you tell us more about it👀👀

Oh! Of course!

Frankly I haven't done much world building for it, since I have other AUs who are utter attention whores and life just LOVES to make me unable to draw for some stupid reason or another. But I do have some simple concepts I would love to share! If you feel like you can bare my aimless rambling, feel free to read the rest under the cut.

First off, setting. Generally speaking, Neo Chaos Sonic's timeline takes place after the events of Season 2's finale and the early portion of season 3's episode one.

But instead of Building Alpha Grim Sonic after a lot of dilly dallying on Nine's part, he decides to fight fire with fire. (And maybe he's a little scared of being alone, although he would never admit it.)

So he rebuilds Chaos Sonic instead. And to insure that he'll be able to beat Sonic, Nine decided to give him untethered access to the Paradox Prism.

This of course leads to Chaos Sonic deeming his normal build being to... Easy to deal with. And he is allowed a modicum of freewill by Nine. So who is he if he does not ascend to godhood to ensure the plan's execution? It's gonna be a temporary upgrade. And Nine did give him full access to the Paradox Prism.

Leading to this beautiful outcome!

It's a MAJOR upgrade. And it comes with a hip skirt! And who is she to go against a hip skirt?

After choosing a new form of befitting of his newly born Goddess status, NCS decides to make the Grim their perfect little paradise. Their powers are simple, as she is all powerful but not all knowing or anything.

NCS can change their appearance however she sees fit. Although due to his vanity, he mostly stays hedgehog robot shaped. And generally before war is brought to her doorstep, she just stands about as tall as NMS would. So they definitely Tower over Sonic and Nine easily. They also can pool liquid metal off of them and when the liquid metal touches the ground, they become Grim Sonic Troopers. All of which seem to reflect different small aspects of her personality. Also she has glitter beams and shit. He's a magical girl, they gotta have their glitter attacks.

After a while of their new arrangement, NCS stops referring to Nine as either "Best bud" or "Sir". And starts calling him Martyr or Prophet. Treating Nine as a prized possession and less like a friend or even someone they wish to protect and keep happy.

Nine isn't initially concerned about this though. Since he's certain that they are still loyal to him. Which is true, he is. But ultimately that loyalty does not outweigh her natural selfishness.

I believe that inevitably, there will come to pass a point where Neo Chaos Sonic decides to "sacrifice" Nine to herself. If only to make Sonic run a fool's errand. If you know ANYTHING about the ending of KH3 and the whole "Save the 7" segment with Riku? Like that. (For those who don't know, imagine Nine floating above an altar of some sort with his body partially transparent blue.)

I don't really know if Sonic and Co from prime would succeed, since I really just designed Neo Chaos Sonic for the sake of designing him. But I would say that in order to take down Neo, Sonic would need to brace the abyss™️ to find Shadow's missing Chaos Emerald. Since I'm a wedger a bet that Shadow would be logically able to use Chaos Control in the prism that Neo Chaos is using to power themselves. Buuut in order to do that, Shadow would have to get close enough.

There is the possiblity that allowing Sonic to shatter himself would fix everything too. But ultimately I have no clue cuz I just haven't thought far yet.

Overall, the AU is very shallow at the moment. And seeing as I have other far more complex AUs I'm working on, it might be this way for a while. So, I'm sorry about that! But I did enjoy rambling a bit, albeit a bit aimlessly.

I just really love this design and I really love how pretty they came out! Neo Chaos Sonic is a treat of a concept to me, since I adore Neo Metal Sonic. Favorite flavor of Mets to be honest. And I figured a Neo form for Chaos Sonic would do them good!

#!!! #Storytime #Phantoms #neo chaos sonic #chaos sonic #i really do love this concept #i just wish i could really think of a good plot for it #i got nothing unfortunately #all my resources have been put into the AU that's connected to my page banner #but i do hope i get to revisit this concept some day! #i really do love it!! #thank you for asking me about it! #anon ask

[lepertamar]

what exactly do you make of the kinda odd title of the šehhinah series, actually? like obviously it’s based on the term shekhinah but does that choice…..reverberate? in your view? (obviously i’m not asking/interested primarily in the Doylism author commentary lol, or i’d just ask the author directly, also there may be a reason why it’s never made explicit or obvious why the name was picked)

yeah obv I don't know what's intent vs legit interpretation vs me making insane person connections but anyway the resonances I've personally noticed might be easier to just kind of list in bullet point form bc it's not like I have any unified thesis of interpretation just various red string connections and overlaps:

jewish stuff at least regarding the shekhinah is about manifestation/presence of g-d as smth that Is G-d but also is sort of a paradox, like Solomon wondering in 1 Kings during the dedication of temple on the paradox of g-d being able to dwell inside the ark but also in the heavens and also like Wherever. afaict theurgy (of any soul) in sehhinah is, idk if 'based on this' or just 'happens to work on this same logic' but either way parallels the framework very closely, and the presumptiveness of applying a logic about g-d's self to other people's selves is probably the Main Feature of the series.

the fact the world is named 'šehhinah' and is the aggregate souls of everyone who has ever manifested, in particular angels, who are entwined with g-d in an embodied way, is a weird sorta backwards gesture at this too I think, but I'm not sure I have an 'answer' about 'how' the connection tracks, just that it's clearly There in some way. I've speculated before (unrelated to the naming) that there's a possibility that g-d has a (affectionate) contaminating, radioactive mutation causing, polluting effect (various minor inconclusive hints throughout the series).

regarding this applied specifically to sehhinah!g-d too, the fact g-d 'is nowhere' (has no body or location) but also 'can be Seen' and 'g-d's soul manifests physically as flame/burning/burnt-ness in that interface/reaction when this happens' parallels this even more than regular theurgy, kjorel even at one point has a thought almost the same as Solomon's;

but even more significantly, another aspect of the shekhinah is that it's conceived of as the aspect of g-d that went into exile with the exiled jews, though the ark and temple 'where' g-d was said to dwell are lost/destroyed, the shekhinah still dwells/is There whenever jews do [various actions]. there's a sort of chronological chiasmus reversal in sehhinah where g-d's exilic state (in prices, angel bodies, discarded dismembered body parts, stars, etc) is the preexisting standard condition and They are cataclysmically spatially condensed in a specific location in an abrupt event during Lives. (reversals or sometimes chiasmuses of chronology and meaning-of-terms between irl and sehhinah is a pretty constantly recurring theme in the series).

I always 'recognized' sehhinah!g-d 'as' mythical jewish g-d (hence the dash) but also with the caveat that not only are there specific differences, Their overall scope is narrower: there's more things sehhinah!g-d is definitely Not, or definitely Not Capable Of, or not in charge of/has not decided to ask for. a lot of the difference here seems to be a sort of, I can imagine sehhinah!g-d resulting from a canon-divergent-AU of antediluvian genesis where g-d was nonverbal and also certain foundational events shook out differently; but also the result, regardless of the causes, is that the more-limited sehhinah!g-d bears significant resemblance to the shekhinah 'aspect' of irl jewish interpretation.

for elaboration on the previous bulletpoint on a very deep and meaningwise/characterwise/selfhood/behavior level I'd point to this paper; but on a more superficial level the fact that in sehhinah g-d seems to 'speak' using an elaborate nonverbal telepathy that seem to use a sort of 'cantillation-marks' type of anchoring via features usually attributed to angels -- eyes, wings, feathers, wheels -- is. well actually I forgot where I was going with this actually but I won't bother backspacing it. I was going to say something about torah. shekhinah as a liminal phenomenon that dwells in the interface of action.

g-d is tesena's whore? subversioned bride. connects dots. sabbath bride. [schizo voice]. uh.

There was more but I forgot. um. (?) anyway

#sehhinah #j

[kozykricket]

deltarune rambling time yippee

i think deltarune is in an interesting spot in terms of like... theres a lot of theories that have had a lot of time to develop, and like. i dont think these specific conditions have really happened to a game before. having a big audience of lore nuts AND giving them 2 chapters worth of solid concrete stuff and then havin em wait? its very, very interesting

(rereading this post i think i might reword or add an addendum to it later since i kinda didnt quiiite word my thoughts on Big Theories below exactly right. it feels like im saying that every theory is just gonna be wrong... when i just think that the nature of the lore has a decent chance to be able to almost... parody theorizing, if its based on the nature of fiction and creation. which would make deep theories not WRONG but not RIGHT, just unprovable)

like, ive skimmed through big theories that seem larger than i could even imagine deltarune itself being... not to say i believe theyre entirely wrong, but just that. it definitely wont be explained to THAT degree in game...

what im really tryna say though is, yknow, i distance myself from the bigger theories because im patient and also because i ... dont wanna spoil myself if the theories are perfectly right but especially, a big reason, is the typical classic "don't get your hopes or expectations up" dont get me wrong, ive got big hopes for deltarune and some healthy hype, but i aint gonna get my expectations all fixated on some gigantic theory of the entire overarching metanarrative. i think its great that people are developing so many theories though involving like, the depths and stuff. because worst comes to worst? well, toby fox has just convinced people to write their own stories. and for a game that seems to be shaping up to be about the nature of fiction and creation? seems fitting (genuinely i expect chapter 3 to be the birth of SO many deltarune AUs, out of what is proven wrong or left ambiguous) so yeah, i dont say this to be like "nah no ones gonna be right, toby doesnt have big plans" because im certain he does have some big master plan in the lore but i also believe the lore wont necessarily focus around what we're expecting, if that makes sense. if the game is about fiction, which it clearly is to some degree with the whole. ralsei pushing us down the path of a generic prophecy where we are heroes and vanquish evil... and then immediately dissecting Good Guys vs Bad Guys in ch1 and very much making it a point that we're trying to be kept ON the path of a very specific story. both us and kris.

i think i kinda worded some of this wrong but like TLDR? i do believe toby has big lore plans, but i think theres a decent chance they wont actually get super deep into like, worldbuilding all the logic of dark worlds for example. because... well, the lore could very well be that dark worlds arent logically explainable, yknow. something like the collective unconscious kinda logic. or like terapagos in pokemon being a kind of... paradoxical thing because its born based on belief in it

maybe im wrong thjough. either way, i am excited for deltarune. whatever direction it goes in, ill be happy.

#deltarune #utdr

[bsd-fan]

Dazai Osamu

I really think that Dazai’s main problem with humanity comes from a distorted perspective of himself and that this distortion comes from the alienation and isolation that the character experiments. Let’s start going deeper with this.

Dazai is brilliant, he is a genius, he is incredibly good at reading situations and people and even better at predicting and controlling them, but this also leads him to lose interest easily. It’s also important to aknowlege Dazai’s deep distrust to the people, his natural apathy and how good he is at manipulating people, put all of this together and you will get a strong disconnection between him and the rest of the world. This also explains why Dazai often sees people as chess pieces to use and discard instead of actual individuals. This is not exclussive to Dazai though, most of the most intelligent characters also have this problem to a certain extent. Ranpo also deals with the feeling of being an stranger thanks to his intelligence, and Fyodor also deals with this alienation but I want to say that nobody suffers it like Dazai does because thanks to external and internal factors Dazai is in a worse position than those two.

Now before going on, I think it’s important to highlight that Dazai seems to make an important association between “humanity” and “reason for living” and be for his intelligence, personality or environment (maybe because of all three) Dazai has an almost pathological need to be in control all the time. He needs logic, he needs logical answers, when he can’t find them he gets frustrated. Dazai can’t find sense to the world but most importantly he doesn’t find sense in life, so he ends in a existencial depression and falling into a frank nihilism. All of these are factors that increase the feeling of alienation and isolation because no one can see as much as him, and no one can understand him. This feeling goes both ways because Dazai also can’t understand why the rest of the people go on with their lives when there’s no reason for that. This ends up in a deep loneliness and increases the emotional distance that he already has with people. To summarize: Dazai feels like an outcast compared with the rest of the people which translates into a prevalent feeling of inhumanity.

“He is a man of few words. And his voice has the sound of severance that rejects mutual understanding from the very beginning. No one could understand him. No one ever will. And he himself knows that”- Odasaku about Dazai, The day I picked up Dazai Osamu (translated by popopretty)

This leads to some of the biggest paradoxes of his character:

1. He basically predicts every situation, that’s why he loses interest so easily and why he lives perpetually bored BUT at the same time, he can’t find a reason to keep existing in this world.

2. He feels detached from his humanity and he is convinced that the rest of the people notices how inhuman he is too (this is encouraged by the way people refer to him and how the act around him, a good example is “The demon prodigy” and how is shown that most people avoid him because they were scared of him) so we end in this weird situation in which Dazai craves his own humanity but at the same time it seems like he purposefully avoid it (this is important with his relationship with chuuya)

Now I feel is important to say that not all of this isolation comes from external factors. A lot of his problems are self inflicted.

“I always lose the things I don’t want to lose the most. That’s why I don’t feel anything anymore. The moment you get your hands on something worth going after, you lose it. That’s just how things are. There is nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering”-Dazai Osamu, Dark era.

This is important, it seems like Dazai had a past experience that convinced him that is simply not worth it to stablish bonds with people because he will end up losing them anyway. This is far worse than just him having problems with relationships, he /purposefully/ avoids them. And when he comes close to something, he self sabotages himself. This aggravates the isolation and ends up in a bigger deshumanization.

This also leads to one of Dazai biggest problems, he doesn´t fucking make sense. He craves contact, he craves the relationships because to a certain extent he /knows/ they make him closer to his humanity but at the same time he rejects them, he keeps making barriers between others and himself because he actually can´t stand the idea of vulnerability. When Dazai feels exposed his first reaction is to put distance, with manipulation, cruel words, distractions, etc. because at the end what´s the point is he is going to lose them anyway but also because as much as he wants someone to understand him, he also hates the idea of being known. Dazai doesn´t only have problems with others, his biggest problem is with himself. He has zero self awareness, his real problem at this point isn´t his dificulty at understanding the world. His real problem is he doesn´t even understand himself, and he doesn´t want to. He refuses to see himself because he is scared of the emptiness there. So what does he do? He creates a rol to play, he convinces himself that his emotions are not real (even when they are), he loses the ability to distinguish between the real and fake emotions, and because he is so sure of his inhumanity he creates a personality that seems a little bit more human but at the end of the day this only represents another barrier and another way to avoid facing himself. He doesn´t even realize about his real problem and instead of trying to understand himself, he projects trying to understand life, but it´s futile because there are no logical answers for that, so he gets increasingly depressed and more and more frustrated. I´m not saying that Dazai doesn´t experiment some real anguish for the lack of logic in the world, but I don´t think that´s the root of his problem. He just centers around that. Dazai in a lot of ways is the prime example of a self destructive character and this extends far more than his suicidal attempts.

And I love dead apple because I do think that it shows the problem:

So, I´m not going deep because I don´t have the time to do a whole Dead apple analysis but the main point of DA is that the characters need to proof that they can perseverate against themselves. In a way, their abilities represents a "shadow" something they don´t want to recognize about themselves. But at the end they need to face it if they want their abilities back. For atsushi was the memory of killing shibusawa. People will complain about him crying but it´s so much deeper than that. What Atsushi did was the bravest thing in the world.

Lets contextualize: Atsushi experimented intense abuse when he was a kid but more than that he was conditioned to think that if he didn´t save people then he simply doesn´t deserve to exist. Atsushi´s hero complex doesn´t come from nowhere. He was taught that he needed to be a good person because if he wasn´t then he was less than nothing. That was ingrained in his brain. So, the idea of killing someone? even in self defense go against everything he was pushed to believe in. That´s why it was so difficult for him to accept it. For him to get his ability back, he needs to recognize the tiger as part of himself, he needed to face the memory, he needed to open the gate.

Dead apple in that way is full of simbolisms:

This three? They are above everything. Everyone else is fighting for their lives down there but they are high in the tower with white suits, analyzing everything for above. Have you ever wondered why none of them have to go against their abilities? I can´t completely answer that question but I think asagiri´s interview helps. He said that he wanted the characters to be associated with gates and the whole thing is that the alien trio can´t open or at the very least they are extremely hesitant about oppening their gates. There is a symbolism in it. This means that they probably can´t win against themselves. And I love this because it brings light to the fact that even though Fyodor is one of Dazai´s most important foils and his main antagonist. Dazai´s real enemy will always be himself. He still can´t win against his mind. He can´t see at the ugliest part of himself and face it. (Not talking about fyodor scene because it´s hella confusing and I have my own thousand word essay about that part, also not talking about chuuya being their main contrast because it will lead to incongruent fangirling)

So, as we have talked Dazai is specially good at avoiding things that are emotionally uncomfortable for him and this we can also see it in his coping mechanisms. Now, I’m not psychologist but I’m pretty sure Dazai has a strong tendency to intellectualization.

Intellectualization is a coping mechanism, this means a psychological automatical response that protects a person from internal or external stressors. Intellectualization is pretty interesting because the person keeps emotional distance with the stressor while still being conscious of it. So Dazai basically transforms emotions and feelings into thoughts because it’s easier to process that way, the problem here is that Dazai does it /all the time/. The problem with this is, Dazai has “impostor emotions” because he doesn’t experiment them, he rationalize them, it ends up with him thinking about them as fake emotions, even when they are not. Dazai also has a really poor ability of instrospection (you can’t correct what’s wrong if you don’t recognize your own emotions), and again it aggravates the isolation because in order to stablish bonds with people you need emotional vulnerability. I would also add that this explains Dazai’s anxiety, he centers around finding answers that doesn’t exist, he gets frustrated, keeps arguing with himself and ends up with cannibalizing thoughts and without a real answer because it’s a distraction of the real problem. Here some examples:

“Even if I try to argue with him, he has already prepared a counterargument to that counterargument. That is, again, a debate that is already discussed exhaustedly inside him. And the counterargument for that counterargument of a counterargument has already been prepared. Just like an infinite staircase. Descending to hell, Dazai’s dark reason has no bottom”- Oda about Daza, the day I picked up Dazai osamu.

This is not a direct view of Dazai’s brain, that’s the truth but this is /exactly/ the way he thinks. He /wants/ to find a reason for living but objectively speaking there is /none/ so he goes thinking about this all the time, from every angle, without finding a convincing answer because it doesn’t exist.

Another good example? Oda’s death

I’ve talked about it before, odasaku’s death is one of the few instances in which Dazai actually shows genuine emotion but even there to a certain extent he is intellectualizating (I think I just invented that word, ups) the situation. Why do I think so? Here:

“Dazai knew. He knew ougai’s calculations, his mentality and the rationale behind the plan. That was just the kind of organization the port mafia was. Logically speaking, Ougai was right and Dazai was wrong”

The first thing Dazai does is go to Mori and explain what he did. This is not a normal response, a normal reaction would’ve been panic, anger, and pure pain but when you read the novel is pretty clear that Dazai’s first instinct is find sense in the things that are happening and to find a reason for Mori’s acting. Even when he realized what Mori did, his brain still thinks in terms of rational and irrational. And thing is, that even though he loved odasaku with all his soul he still can’t but agree with Mori to a certain extent, even when he doesn’t want to because he still understands that what Mori did was /logical/. This is a way of deal with emotion. He can’t experiment pure anger and hurt because he still is trying his best to process the situation rationally. Before running to oda he stopped to wonder why he needed to go, yes at the end he decided that is because he was his friend and that was enough but even when his first instinct was to go, he didn’t, he needed to stop to think about it. And that’s Dazai, every single thing he says and does goes through an intense thought process. Because in that way he kind of protects himself but at the same time it ends up being a problem because it isolates him even more.

Now after talking about his personality, intelligence, and coping mechanisms we should be talking about the enviroment but we won´t because the mafia is as important for chuuya´s characterization as it is for Dazai. I have a whole analysis about soukoku and the mafia. But the only thing you need to know is: THE MAFIA IS THE WORST PLACE IN THE WORLD FOR SOUKOKU (and yes, I´m including chuuya in it)

Now, lets finally start talking about my favorite part of Dazai´s character: HIS EVOLUTION.

#dazai bsd #dazaianalysis #bsd dazai #bsd analysis