#even if i've already done things with someone i tend to assume it was just out of boredom/desperation/fleeting curiosity/just being nice
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Not everything needs to be announced, do not put a target on your back.
With the rise in popularity of things like 6b4t, 4b, decenter men, etc I'm seeing a lot of women bragging to maIes about it which will not help us. At the end of the day maIes do not care about our happiness, look at how they get off on womens abuse, they constantly seek to break women down at every twist and turn, they dont actually give a fuck about whether single childfree women are the happiest demographic out there. Maturing as a single childfree woman is realising that it's not just about hating maIes but being indifferent to them, not caring about their opinions at all. Only recognise them for the threat & parasites they are. I dont care to prove maIes wrong. This doesn't mean I ignore or hold positive sentiments to them, I just focus on centering myself and womankind in my life instead. I often see women bring up points about single childfree women & our happiness to maIes when maIes already know that.
Let's assume that maIes dont know that women are happier when we're single, why does it matter that they know just how much happier women are when they're single? Given the way maIes have treated women, do you really think maIes give a fuck about women being happy? Do you really think that if maIes didnt know how single childfree women felt before & when they find out how happy single childfree women are they'd be pleased about it? Or that they'd care?
For every single childfree woman is a maIe without a rape maid, a maIe without someone to pummel their legacy through, etc yk how it goes. MaIes are already feeling the effects of our freedom & they're starting to retaliate. In south korea female only parking spaces were replaced with family spaces, in the USA there's project2025 & how they want to coerce women back into the nuclear family unit, in the UK many sexual offenders are being released from prisons due to "overcrowding".
Back to my point on indifference, part of that is realising that all of this shit goes beyond witty one liners on the internet. MaIes are fully aware of everything they do and how they benefit from it. To the women who brag to maIes about 4B et al, what is the end goal here? Is it truly decentering maIes as claimed or is it some type of strategy to spook maIes into being good boys? Because I've seen women try to be threatening with it like "maIes need to get their act together or we they wont be chosen/we'll 4B!" and this is still maIe centric in a way. Sounds harsh but many womens tiktoks, tweets, of this nature tend to have maIe partners or are still looking anyways so it only makes things harder for those actually serious about this. I feel like many women believe at some point maIes would grovel back to them & 'apologise' for their actions and start being better like no; maIes have intentionally done everything through force & violence including wanting a partner & children. MaIes arent going to change nor will ever change on their own. MaIes dont just want parters or children, they want this at the expense of womens lives; our goals, our dreams, and our humanity so they sure as shit dont care about our happiness.
There is thing as centering maIes even in a negative way, I saw it described as "chaotic misandrist" on the pinkpill site. Many women talk about how they want nothing to do with maIes but then make it their entire personality. Many women on tiktok are using 4B as some titillating leverage over maIes or as some divine femininity woo woo femme fatale shit. All of that still centers maIes. What needs to be realised is that it's not all about maIes. I dont solely do this as a "fuck you" to maIes, will it be? Yes. But that is not my primary reason for not dating or reproducing. Dont make this a thing where you solely want to get back at maIes. MaIes dont negotiate so attempting to barter is a waste of time and tiptoes on maIe apologism because even if maIes apologised for all the things they've done I would still not forgive them. I would still want the worst for them. Ik in that situation most women would forgive them without a second thought.
Women saying "act right or else 4B" are saying this because they still want to make it work with maIes. If there's negotiation it means a connection still wants to be formed which misses the entire fucking point. It aint about maIes it's about yourself and womankind. This is why it's hard for me to trust other women because it wont take much for them to cave as has been throughout history. I dont care what moids think about all this, as I said my primary concern regarding maIes is the threat they pose. I dont care whether they'd ever change. Anyone serious about this wouldn't be dangling the prospects of not partnering with them in maIes faces especially bc part of what leads to this is realising that maIes are dangerous & there's no reforming them. Dangling this in their face is poking the bear and maIes have no limits as to how low they'll stoop to get what they want. They'd kill themselves to prove a point.
So for the love of goddess, stop bragging to maIes about this. Doesnt matter if they say you'll be a miserable cat lady like bet. Deep down we all know they need us more than we need them. This isn't to say to hide & be ashamed of it, but it wont do women favours exposing our play to our predators.
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sorry to all the people who think i'm sexually uninterested in them when i'm actually extremely interested, just traumatised beyond belief and unable to see myself as desirable unless given explicit and repeated assurances, so i just mask my interest as much as possible because i can't imagine it ever being wanted
#even if i've already done things with someone i tend to assume it was just out of boredom/desperation/fleeting curiosity/just being nice#rationally i know that at least sometimes it isn't that but i'm just terrified of being wrong
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Buttonblossom Analysis in TADC Episode 2
(Background rainbows: hint, hint)
Ragatha was so sweet to Pomni in episode 2 🥺💖 Most people caught onto the obvious fact that Raggs is being codependant and leans onto toxic positivity on the way she tries to cheer up Pomni, but I still think for the most part her heart is in the right place.
I liked their dynamic in episode 1, but I liked it so much in 2 I decided to write a little analysis on it (plus the ship fuel 👀) in preparation for the romance fic I'm writing about them.
Without further ado, let's go!
Looking back at Ragatha, on the good side, she made some very strong, active efforts to help her during her transition into the digital realm. She checked first thing in the morning if she was okay, she tried to make her feel included in the adventure at the beginning and showed care for her safety overall.
My favorite scene, though, is when the circus gang falls into the fudge river and after checking in on them, the first thing she says is: "Poor Pomni!" 😭 Girlie is so empathetic she even manages to care for someone who's not even there, while she's in a terrible situation herself!
I think this proves how much of a good person Raggs is. She doesn't just help people to feel good or superior, she does it because she geniuenly cares for other people's wellbeing and I find that very noble 😊
On the negative side, she seems to have some very particular communication issues with Pomni, even though she seems to be the circus memeber she cares the most about at the moment.
For starters, her attitude comes off as a little condescending very often. She hardly asks questions to Pomni and tends to assume for her. She hardly acknowledges some of her struggles and tries to downplay them, like when she degrades their experience as "larping". Also, she makes Pomni feel like a child when she tries to "hype her up" in her own words.
If we take Pomni's nightmare into consideration, it seems she believes Ragatha thinks Pomni is not "cut out for it", which might be a result of her condescending behavior I just mentioned.
This makes sense to me and also sheds a little bit of light on how Pomni sees herself as: small and insignificant. It's unclear at the moment how she was before on the physical world, but I speculate based on this evidence she probably didn't think she had much agency in her life (just how she feels in the circus).
At the end, however, thanks to her experience with Gummigoo and looking at the crew grief over Kaufmo's abstraction, Pomni opens herself more to the crew, which is a very good sign.
I think her current dynamic with Ragatha is wicked cool! ✨️ There's a lot of room for growth, which is good in my opinion. Ragatha clearly cares a lot about Pomni and I think with time she could grow to reciprocate her as well.
Despite her cowardness in episode 1, I always had the feeling that Pomz was deep down a caring individual as well, which was solidly proven in 2 with her interactions with Gummi.
On the fanon side, I saw a lot of fans foaming at the mouth (myself included) over the fact that Ragatha was such a tryhard with Pomni (which was anticipated to be the contrary). Some fans have interpreted their potential dynamics as both being shy, which I really, really like.
I believe I will definitely include that in my future fanfic. Another idea I wanted to explore is Pomni talking to Ragatha about her overbearing issues, while still appreciating her good qualities at the same time.
I think it's going to be great ☺️❤ I already look forward to what the end result is going to be. I love mutual pining and I love sweet lesbians caring for each other (even when they're silly girlfails). I'm planning to start by submitting chapter 1 by next Friday and submit a new one every following one, as I've done before.
Get ready for digital lesbian shenanigans 🎪💙🎀 See ya!
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Fallen {Chapter Four}
Alastor x (fem)Reader
I sat on the bed of my room, it was nicer than I expected it to be. Quite spacious too. My mind was still racing from what just happened. I spoke face to face with Lucifer himself. And what's worse? He's suspicious. He might not know I'm an angel, thanks to Alastor's help. But didn't make me feel any better that he suspects something. What would he do if he caught me?
I shutter, trying to shake the thought from my head. Alastor made it clear that demons would jump at the chance to get ahold of an angel. I didn't even want to think about what Lucifer would do. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my door opening. I look over to see Alastor standing in the doorway.
"Quite the day you've had." He says before stepping inside and shutting the door. I only nod. "You fell from heaven and got to meet the devil himself all in one day."
I grimace. "I uh, didn't expect him to look like that." I muttered. "Expecting a red demon with horns and a pitch fork?" Alastor raises an eyebrow with a smug grin. I shrug. "I guess?"
Alastor chuckled at my words, he walked over to a near by window and looked out of it. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't expect that either when I ended up here." I look over at him. As much as he has already explained to me, I was still confused to as to just what exactly he is. Who he is. I choose my next words carefully as I ask.
"How does one become a overlord?" I asked. Alastor's grin widened at my question. "Why, earning it of course! You don't become as feared as I am over night. Though, I will admit I earned my position rather quickly. Maybe a month or two at the most." Alastor went on.
"There are plenty more like me out there. I tend to keep my distance from them however. We do not share the same ideals, so I see no point in trying to "get along" with any of them. Especially that damn flatscreen faced fool."
Alastor's expression soured slightly at the mention of the "flatscreen faced fool". Such an odd nickname for someone. I couldn't help but wonder just who he was talking about.
"So, you're all pretty strong? From what you said, a lot of people here are afraid of you." Alastor nods. "Strong is an understatement my dear. But yes, we are." I then thought back to Lucifer. "But not stronger than Lucifer?"
Alastor's eyebrow twitched. "Unfortunately." I had thought as much. Though, I didn't speak much more on the subject, clearly Alastor wasn't too happy about it. "And you, an overlord, work at a hotel? Why would you do that?"
"Sheer boredom." Alastor says with a shrug. "I've reached a low point believe it or not. Things are starting to repeat. So, why not join in on the princess' little project? Sinners given the chance to be redeemed? Ha! Now that's entertaining!"
I didn't much like the way he laughed off Charlie's idea. She had a good heart, and wanted to see the best in others. She didn't want them to be in this place forever. It was nice, and she wasn't hurting anyone. If she could pull it off, than good on her.
"About Charlie. Has she always been like this? So...nice?" I asked. "I have only known her for a week. But I assume so. She's one of the more polite demons I've met, given who her father is." He chuckles. "And her idea, this belief that sinners can be redeemed. It's adorable."
I furrow my brows. "At least she's trying to care about the people down here." Alastor raised an eyebrow at my words. "So what if it's unheard of? Or if it's even possible at that? She believes in a good cause, and she just wants everyone to have a fair shot at being the best version of themselves they can be. Sure, some if not most of the people down here actually deserve to be here. But those who have done small sins, theft, substance abuse, things like that. Maybe they could make a turn around and be better people. We don't know these people's stories. Charlie's idea, this hotel, is what they might need."
"An angel indeed." Alastor smirks. "So naive, so innocent." I huff and look away from him. "Well forgive me for being considerate for others. I was kinda taught to do so my whole life." I cross my arms, a slight pout on my face. "Yes, about that." Alastor hums. "You seem pretty young my dear. How old are you?" I glance at him.
"I'm twenty five" I answer him with uncertainty. "So young, and already off in heaven? What happened?" My irritation slowly turned into sadness, I look away from him once again, my shoulders slumping slightly.
Alastor spoke after I refused to answer, this time his voice laced with a bit of sincerity. "I see it's a sore subject for you. Never mind it." He says softly. I only nod before more silence fell between us both. "If you truly believe in the princess' cause, why not help her out?"
"But she believes I'm already a sinner in need of rehabilitation. How could I work here?" I asked him. "Easily. Just ask. And showing some interest in helping your fellow sinner wouldn't hurt either." Alastor explains. "It could prove to help you in the long run. Maybe the big man upstairs will see your effort and grant your reentrance into heaven."
I perked up at the idea. Maybe that could work after all. If I can prove that even in hell I can be good and show kindness and love to others, maybe god will accept me again. "Perhaps that could work." I tell him. "Do you think Charlie would let me apply for a position?"
"She could use all the help she can get. I'm sure she wouldn't turn you away." Alastor assures me. "And, how can I be sure that her father won't show up again?" I ask, he only shrugs.
"You can't. Lucifer shows no interest in this hotel or it's ideals, so I doubt he'd be here often. However, I can not guarantee he will never be here. I understand your worry, but there is no need to fret. I have it under control. As long as you have this..." He carefully lifts my necklace by the gemstone. "Then you will be hidden from him, and everyone else in this god forsaken cesspool." He lets go of the necklace, I look down at it.
"The second it comes off, your disguise disappears. And your true form will be revealed." I place my hand over it. "I'll be sure to take great care of it." I promise him. Alastor grins. "I'll hold you to it." He walks back to the door. "I must be off now, I trust you'll stay here in the hotel until I return?" I nod. "Very good." He says before leaving my room.
I sigh before standing from my bed and walking towards the small bathroom in my room. I look into the mirror and stare at my reflection. I still couldn't get over my new look, I'd never thought I'd ever look like this. Like a demon.
Though, it was for the best. As long as I looked like this, I'll be safe. I place my hand on the necklace, my mind then went to Alastor and the deal I made with him. He said he would help me get back into heaven, and all I had to do was amuse him. I furrow my brow at the idea. Just how exactly was I suppose to do that?
I'm not exactly a comedian. Unless, his idea of amusement was some form of comedy at my own expense. I grumble as I step out of my bathroom.
"I wouldn't be surprised if some bodily harm is involved." I mutter before leaving my room. I made way through the halls and down the staircase into the main lobby. I turn my head and see a small bar with that same winged cat demon manning it.
I look around, no one else seemed to be around. Maybe they were all busy? "Hey you." The demon's gruff voice caught my attention. "Ya gonna say something or are ya just gonna stand there lookin like a fucking idiot?"
I bite back a sour expression before walking over. "Sorry." I apologize. "You're Husk, right? Where is everyone?" I ask him. Husk looked up from a glass he was wiping. "Charlie's is up in her office, and I assume her girlfriend is with her. Nifty's off somewhere cleaning something. And I don't know where Angel is. Probably out sucking dick."
Again, I hide my distaste for his choice of words, and only nod. "And as for Alastor? Who the hell knows? I'm sure he's up to no good though. Anyways." Husk puts the glass away. "What will it be?" He asks, turning to the many bottles of liquor on the wall.
"Oh, uh, no I don't drink." I tell him. Husk turns back to me with a raised eyebrow. "You don't drink?" He asks, very confused. And perhaps a little suspicious. Oh, that probably wasn't the best thing I could have said.
Almost everyone in hell drinks, I assume. It would be more than odd if someone down here didn't drink, even if not just a little. "W-Well, I mean, I just say that because people usually don't make it the way I like." I lie.
"Well, you ain't had me make it. What is it, exactly?" Husks asks. Darn. "A whisky." I say uncertainly. Husk nods and begins to make it. "Anything specific added to it?" He asks. Gosh darn it. "...Vodka." Husk raises his brows before returning his expression to normal. "Bold, I'll give you that." He pours the drink before passing the glass to me.
I took a sniff before taking a small sip, failing to hold back my disgust. I set the glass down and just barely repressed a gag. I coughed a few times, blinking back a few tears, a slight shutter going throughout my body.
"Wow." Husk mutters. "You weren't lying when you said you don't drink." I sigh shakily. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you pour that drink for nothing." Husk shrugs before taking the glass and downing it easily.
My shocked and admittedly impressed expression caused him to chuckle. "You get use to it after a while." He tells me before making another drink. Before I could refuse it, he put my worry to ease. "It's just sprite." I thank him before taking a much appreciated swig of the drink, grateful that the horrible taste of the whisky was quickly washed away.
"So, what do you do if you don't drink?" Husks asks me. I just shrug. "Other things." I hoped he wouldn't press further. Thankfully he didn't. "Whatcha here for?" Husk asks me, I look up at him from my drink. "Pardon?" I tilt my head.
"You're here for rehabilitation right? What for?" Oh, I was no prepared to answer a question like that. Though, it might have been wise of me to think of something beforehand. Husk raised an eyebrow, I was taking to long to answer. "I stole." I finally managed to say. "I uh, robbed some people when I was alive."
"I see." Husk nod turning his attention away from me. "So. Heard Alastor's the one who showed you to this lovely hotel." Husk says casually. "Surprised that bastard would do something like that." I glance up at him.
"Why's that?" I asked. Husk gave me a look as if I should already know the answer. "He doesn't give a shit about this hotel. All he cares about is the suffering of others. Why the fuck would he care about advertising the hotel to others?" I didn't doubt that. He's been pretty obvious about his disinterest in the hotel. But it wasn't like I could tell him exactly why I was here.
"You two friends or something?" My mind raced as I tried to quickly think up of an answer.
I had a feeling that Alastor had no interest in considering me a friend. We weren't even acquaintances. We were simply just, helping each other out. If that's what you can call it. I went to open my mouth to answer but Husk beat me to it.
"Don't tell me you made a deal with him." His tone wavered on pity and annoyance. My heart skipped a beat, my body language seemed to have given me away as Husked sighed heavily. "Fuck, that's not good. You have no idea what you've gotten yourself into."
I already knew nothing good could come from it. But his words made my unease grow. It was like he had a first hand experience to Alastor's dealings. Suddenly the sound of Alastor's voice caused both of us to freeze.
"Husker my dear friend." I felt Alastor's presence from right behind me, though I didn't turn to acknowledge him. Husk's harden expression fell slightly. His brow twitched, ears flattening against his head a bit.
"I don't believe our business is any of your concern."
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humble requests for buggy, killer, and robin for marking with their lipstick (i know robin isnt drawn with any but just for fun), hella softcore femdom, and praise (not for killer i know u already did him and i.. go back regularly to read it and get all flustered and coo and adhjsfldkf) thank yoU!!!
Awwwww ♥ I'm glad you like it that much. Hm... maybe I'll expand on it for this post. Let's see how it goes.
Buggy and Robin - I think this is firsts for both of them \o/ (Oh wait, I've gotten Buggy once before, first for Robin!)
Also, I apologize, I'm laughing at "hella softcore femdom" - I don't know what to do with that, but I'm going to try my best. I'm assuming the qualifier is there because I tend to go pretty hard core, and you're trying to get me to put the mittens on and tone it down a bit.
We'll do this by character as is becoming the norm, and we'll just go in the order you've listed \o/
Buggy:
Marking w/lipstick - Yes - Buggy likes to give you his "look" in the bedroom - not the big red nose, but the exaggerated lips and the blue lines. There's just something quiet and intimate about it and he refuses to let anyone else see you like that. Generally, in the course of the night, the makeup on the both of you is ruined all to hell. Red and blue smears of paint blotched along skin.
You've even "marked" him more directly before, drawing a couple lazy hearts on his chest with the lipstick one time and he found he really liked it. He told you it was flashy and even left it in place until normal daily life wore it away.
Hella Softcore Femdom - Oh god you don't even know - Buggy can be pushed into being dom, he can even be one on his own, but he's a very stressed clown man. Handing over the proverbial reigns and doing your bidding is a tremendous stress reliever for him. It doesn't even have to be sexual in nature. He'll rub your shoulder, massage your feet, bring you snacks and feed you fruits (and/or let you feed him fruits too.) He even enjoys being made to clean or organize things.
Praise Kink - FUCK Yes - You cannot praise him too much, he cannot praise you too much. Buggy is a affirmative words kind of guy. (He likes having degradation thrown at him, does not like dishing it out). He loves to hear he's doing well, and loves to praise you for taking him so well at the same time. He's very talkative when he's with you - not in the screechy kind of fast-talk he has with other people. It's much calmer than that, maybe a little flashy still.
He'll talk a little less as things progress - once you've both learned what the other likes there'll be less instructions and questions and clarifications, but he'll still be singing your praises, and reveling in you praising him.
Killer:
Marking w/lipstick - FUCK Yes - Killer loves to mark you, and honestly the more temporary those marks are the better. As a general rule at least. The best part is how accurate he is with it. He's put lipstick on your lips without getting any outside of the lines, and he didn't use the lipstick on your lips directly. It was some of the best kissing you'd experienced with him.
By the time all is said and done it's often hard to tell what marks on you are passionate bruises, and which marks are Killer's lipstick. At least until you get cleaned up.
Hella Softcore Femdom - Yes - I don't think you'd ever actually truly dom Killer. Even softcore style. He's delighted to let you fill that role, but there's no point in any of it where you're fully in control. He just doesn't have enough "sub" in him for that sort of interaction. Much like Kid though, he's into pretty much all kinks, from all sides, and he'll happily play at being you're good darlin' without complaint.
Plus it's not bad for him to just relax and let someone call the shots for a little bit. Killer's usually non-stop on in that category. So it's refreshing for him to let someone else take the lead.
Praise Kink - Oh god your don't even know - Killer will praise you and accept your praises. But mostly praise you - how well you take him, how sweet you sound, how beautiful your laughter is, how delicious, and warm, and tight and perfect you are. Killer loves to lavish you with praise. You are his good little one, and he'll make sure you never doubt it. He'll even praise you while he's punishing you - especially if you're accepting your punishment without complaint.
It's also easy to tell that praise effects him positively as well. You can hear his soft moans shiver when you praise him, feel him twitch inside you, the flex in his fingers as he works to control himself. He doesn't really need or want anyone else to tell him he's doing a good job, but something about the way you say it, hits him at his core.
Nico Robin:
Marking w/lipstick - Sure - I think Robin wouldn't have much of an opinion on it until her partner marked her with lipstick. The quiet action of it, the subtle intimacy, the ease with which it can be removed and reapplied. Something about it will click with her and she'll be positive toward it more than neutral.
As a general rule I don't think she's one for marking any more "hardcore" than lipstick. Marks maybe from passionate kissing, but considering her past I don't think she'd want to have a show of ownership over someone. I almost think freedom is more important to her than it is to Luffy.
Hella Softcore Femdom - Oh god you don't even know - This is like, Robin's natural state. It's almost how she is just as a person existing. Everything I can think of to describe it are canonical moments in the show. She just very casually and skillfully moves the crew to her desires, and praises them when things go how she wants. It's almost motherly with, say, Chopper, but there's certainly a dom vibe with the rest of the crew.
It's subtle though - "hella softcore" is a good way to describe it. That said, it's something I see her doing to someone quite easily, but I don't think it goes in the other direction. Subtle as it may (or may not) come across in her relationship, she is most certainly the dominate partner.
Praise Kink - FUCK Yes - Degradation is not Robin's default setting. She's 100% someone that's going to praise you for a job well-done. The hardest part of being her partner is that she'll praise you for cleaning the room in the same cadence and tone that she'll praise you for taking her strap. Or hand. Or with you pleasing her.
There's nothing wrong with it, but when she thanks you for something in front of everyone else in that same tone she used in the bedroom perhaps just moments earlier. Well. To say it has an astounding effect is a bit of an understatement (and I'm certain she does it on purpose too.)
Get your asks in, I'm not taking more after tomorrow.
#kinky one piece head canon#buggy the clown#killer one piece#nico robin#x reader#nico robin x reader#killer x reader#buggy x reader
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Just the Three of Us
Media The Artful Dodger
Character Jack Dawkins
Couple Jack X Reader
Rating Flirty + Mild Smutty
I sang myself a little melody as I worked, needle between my fingers the thread bound around it tight and the thread unwinding slowly from the spool on the table. Cold blood painted my hands straining my nails and fingertips. My skirt was around me snuggly trying not to get blood on it but I'm sure I would at some point, My shirt sleeves were forced and balled up high in the hope of preserving my sleeves from the blood. The only sound was my delicate singing barely forming words, my voice bouncing off the cold stone walls, the gentle sound every so often of carts and horses passing outside visible only with the tall windows out to the street, and some sounds of beds and chairs being moved in the hospital above me. The one light hung above where I worked as the body of Mr Ashwood laid on the table, he had come in a few days ago complaining of... well frankly I don't know what he was complaining of, I hadn't heard. But he had passed away in the days between so now I was here to sew it together and prep his body ready to be taken and buried in the spot his family had chosen for him.
I rather enjoyed being down here in the morgue, as dark as that would seem a place for a young lady to be comfortable. But I don't know something to... peaceful down here.
I will say, my assistant didn't help.
Well, I say assistant... Tag along.
When I first came to tend to the body, A certain... someone, Tagged along. It had begun innocently with him simply standing over the body with me and explaining the work they had already done in surgery that I would now need to avoid, slowly but surely he had grown closer, his hands settled on my waist, his head moved to my neck breathing down on me, until we reached the state we stood in now.
His hands on my waist his fingers pressing into my corset bones, his body pressed up against my own, his head in my neck often making contact with the cotton of my shirt, making the only other sound that echoed around the stone morgue walls the familiar smack of a kiss against my shirt.
I wasn't frightened or annoyed, I mean I'm mildly bemused by him but that tends to be my typical reaction to him. As this was a fairly normal occurrence, I was often down here dealing with bodies and Jack was often down here... I assume because I was. That and hiding down here got him out of work he didn't want to do. And today was no exception, he had come down with me I think half to see me and half to avoid working, and somewhat just for some attention. Which I wasn't giving to him, I was far too busy.
The issue is I think somewhere in Jack's mind my wording of the phrase 'Right I'm off to the morgue to sort this body,' gets lost and arrives in his mind as 'Take your pants off I'll be in the morgue' or something else equally as inviting. But I suppose a lot of the things I say probably sound inviting to him, I know every time I even mention the storage cupboard he jumps up like a bloody six-year-old hearing the word ice cream. But the storage cupboard had been a place we had not much visited lately as we had been too many close calls there recently. But here in the morgue was still safe at least for now.
His kisses grew more passionate leaving a trail of kisses up and down my neck, which made me roll my eyes a little.
"Pray tell, there a reason your slobbering all over me Dr Dawkins?"
He chuckled in his sly way, "Becuase I've missed you," he whispered in my ear, "Haven't you missed me too? Hmmm?" He asked rubbing the tip of his nose down my exposed neck,
"I have missed you, But you don't see me coming up to you where you're working and trying to bite you like a bloody vampire, now do you?"
"Only because it would get us caught," he smirked,
"You could at least help Jack,"
"I am helping,"
"Yourself."
"I'm helping. I'm keeping you company."
"I have plenty of company, organs and bones what other company do I need?" I laughed, "Also what happened to his liver?"
"Sneed took it."
"Why?"
"You ask him," He shrugged,
"Isn't that the fourth one he's taken?"
"Sixth actually."
"Why?"
"He's... doing something I don't know."
"I can always tell between you."
"Can you? What Mine are alive?" he chuckled,
"Not always." I laughed playfully batting his head with my own "No I can though, look at this. You'd think he was cutting with a bloody butter knife."
"Hummm" He chuckled giving me more kisses,
"Yes?"
"Nothing."
"Speak Jack or I'll cut your tongue out," I warn,
"Bloody."
"Yes?"
"What would your father say he heard you uttering such language?" he laughed, "You never used to talk like that till you met me."
"Ohh you think that you're rubbing off on me?"
"No, I can do it if you want me too?" he smirked pushing his hips against my own so much it made me hit the table,
"Excuse you?" I warned "You shall not be rubbing off on me you dirty little wombat,"
"Of course, I do apologize," he said, "I'll just have to fuck you instead then?" He smirked holding my hips tight and thrusting his hips into my own until he pinned me against the table and started to board-line hump me
"Oi!" I complained, "I. am. busy." I reminded him trying to get his hands off I did manage to move them from my hips for a few seconds and in response, he grabbed my breasts "Jack!" I yelped forcing his hands off "Would you kindly take your penis elsewhere Dr Dawkins." I complained and the moment I set my needle down a moment he simply lifted me
"Up we go little lady"
"Ahhh Jack!" I squealed and sat me down on the empty table beside where I was working and quickly standing between my legs
"Come on, you know you want to as badly as I do" he smirked "And how often do we get time just the two of us?" he smirked rubbing his nose on the bridge of mine
"It's not just the two of us." I glared, he looked confused so I glanced back to the table I had been working at and the body that lay on it, he glanced back but smirked at me
"I'm sure he won't mind," He smirked, pulling me to his lips, I wanted to argue with him but I melted very quickly wrapping my arms around him sitting my elbows on his shoulders as it did not coat him in blood as we passionately kissed he was the hungrier of our kiss but I kept up with him as much as I could the two of us kissing for what could have been an hour with no sign of letting up, his hands found there way up my skirt stroking my thighs suggestively so I wrapped my legs around him locking my ankles at the base of his back as our kisses got even more intense our gasps the only sound other than the clacking of our lips.
I heard the door and immediately pulled back much to Jack's frustration but he saw the door, as Tim stood having come to collect the body, he saw us and of course what we were doing. "I uhhh I'll come back later." He said quickly turning around and shutting the door behind him,
I sighed in relief it was only Tim, someone who already was well aware of what me and Jack I got up to and not someone who would have caused us to get into trouble, like Prof, or Sneed, or Christ my father!
"So? Where were we?" Jack smirked trying to get back to our kiss
"We can't, if Tim found anyone could, we have to stop." I told him pushing him away and getting back to work "Besides I need to finish this body up." I said but before I had even picked the damn need up
"Nope, off we go little lady." He smirked picking me up in his arms I again squealed but he ignored me
"ahhhhh jack!" I whined, "Where are you taking me!"
"To bed. where that bossy little butt belongs" He smirked...
#tbs smut#tbs imagine#tbs imagines#thomas sangster imagine#thomas brodie sangster imagine#thomasbrodiesangster#thomas brodie sangster smut#tbs#thomas brodie sangster#thomas sangster#the artful dodger#thearttfuldodger#theartfuldogger#jackdawkins#jack#jack dawkins#drdawkins
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The Sign Commentary Review Ep 1
So earlier today, I made a post telling everyone to go watch. By popular demand, I'll be doing a commentary. Moving forward, I will do commentary at the same time I watch, but I'm unable to do that here. Still, even in the second watch, I have a lot to say.
And action! Because I've watched this already, I know it's a training exercise. I was clueless to this initially, though, which in my personally opinion kept me more on edge. For the sake of the review, I have to point out that some of the fight scenes appear slow. Not all of them, just some of the fighting here and there. I'm assuming due to new actors and not enough rehearsal time, but I still enjoyed it. It's just something you pick up on, not something that takes away from the show. But as you can see below with the betrayal scene, that for the most part, the fight scenes are well choreographed.
The way Tharn sees the future has me a little concerned about him getting hurt. He's distracted and in the thick of things, that's not a good thing. But he sees enough to know he has to rescue Phaya from real danger. Without another thought, he rushes to Phaya's side. At this point, I do pick up feelings from Tharn. You can brush it off to him rushing to help someone, he would do it for anyone, but it's the intensity in which he does it. I mean, there is a lot more concern there that you would expect more with a bestie or crush.
Chart is straight up anger management crazy. How did he pass the psych evaluation to even go into training? Tharn shows up at the critical moment to save Phaya and because of Chart's crazy ass, they all fail. As well as being punished.
Let me tell you, I tend to punish all my kids at the same time, too. Why? Because the ones suffering due to the one who messed up will make the one who messed up suffer. The two will gang up to make the one, and that mistake will not be repeated. Why am I not seeing that here? Why is anyone still siding with that douche canoe???
Yet there they are, siding with him instead of beating his ass. Also, is Chart really talking like Tharn saving Phaya was a bad thing? Like that if Phaya had asked for help, it's somehow unacceptable?
Then we meet the side friends! I adore Tharn's half brother.
And then the side couple? Maybe? Maybe not. I mean, I tend to be like "Bitch, you better be joking" when it comes to cheating.
Though the way Khem calls Thong Babe is adorbs.
I've counted three times when Chart has done the thumb to nose. Is this some kind of character habit, or is he a user?
I love these two lovely bunch of coconuts, your honor. I truly do. I also think that Yai is more insightful than he appears. Take him asking Tharn why most of his visions involve Phaya. He's trying to lead the horse to the trough. "But you seem to care about him a lot." See, insightful.
Then Phaya comes to break up the brotherly love. Maybe he would have said thank you had Tharn been truthful, but you can't really blame Tharn there.
I think Phaya finds Tharn suspicious. Nope, he does not believe Tharn at all.
Then the torture training begins. Luckily for us because we then get to see them cuddle huddle together for warmth.
Why are only the two of them cuddling, huddling together. Where is the brotherly love?!?
This is clearly a macho exercise. Where they are just trying to survive. It is absolutely not flirting. 👀👀👀
Still not flirting.
Nope, no obvious middle school flirtation going on here.
For some quality time together, the guys cart logs through the woods. Tharn gets a glimpse into the future and sees Chart getting hurt. The better man than me, actually checks on Chart. Yes, I would have absolutely let him taste Karma. The dude is unstable! Thankfully, despite Tharn's attempt to interfere, Chart still falls.
Underwater training has them escaping from hand ties and reaching lifeboats. However, Phaya hasn't come up and Tharn is losing his shit. This is when we get a dragon and a mermaid!!! While Phaya takes the mermaid's hand, he is pulled up by Tharn.
Nothing to see here! Absolutely not a romantic moment at all.
We see Phaya drawing the mermaid, which both Tharn and Yai take notice of because she looks so much like Tharn. A lot of mocking ensues thanks to Yai who his clearly trying to play matchmaker, "You like him so much, you're even drawing his picture.". And I think it's working because when he mentions that the names are similar, we notice that Phaya finds this interesting. What I find interesting is when Yai asks why he is drawing Tharn's picture, there is no denial. Phaya simply says it's personal.
This is when we see flashbacks of the first time Phaya and Tharn meet. Yeah, it was a fated moment without a doubt.
Have I mentioned that I love Yai? Him tripping those that are after his brother is just icing on the cake.
Then Yai instigates the moment that leads to an accidental kiss.
It's at this time that they also find a body floating in the water. It ends up being one of the trainers at the faculty. Some are saying it's suicide, but that doesn't make sense to Phaya.
Tharn chases after Phaya like a golden retriever. Trying to make sure he wasn't angry about that morning. Phaya stops and trips Tharn up, Causing him to fall. Still not flirting! 👀👀👀
*Cough. Cough* Yeah, no mistaking that. We are now clearly flirting.
In celebration of passing their training, the guys go out to drink. Hilarity and comradery ensue. We find out about possible side couple having dated in the past. That our golden retriever is also cursed with bad romantic luck. Leaving him very virginal.
We get this beautiful moment in the bathroom. And that should be an oxymoron but damn if it wasn't sexy. Phaya zipping up Tharn's zipper and Tharn unable to stop himself from leaning his head back. Then Phaya throwing down the gauntlet of flirtation. Boy is no longer hiding. If Tharn is confused, then it's cause he is stupid. When they get back to the table and start playing a truth or dare game, Tharn drinks rather than admitting that he likes someone at the table. I mean, might as well admit it at this point, cause the drinking said it all. Then Phaya questioning what Tharn is like drunk. Hmmm. Me thinks he wants some secrets answered. He has his suspicions about Tharn and he wants answers. Be it Tharn or his drunk brother.
We end the episode on a bit of a cliffhanger note. With them, overhear the instructors talking about the death, and everything points to it not being a suicide.
I am 100% hooked. I can't wait for the next episode. Hope you guys enjoyed!!! 💜💜💜
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Time for...
A Very Quiet Life: Chapter 4
A/N: I know this one is kind of a bummer, and it's super short, but it's important to the storyline, so don't give up on it. Part 5 is *literally* steamy 🥵
Warnings: reader is a widow, this one is angsty, but that's about it. Sorry no smut this time, ya lil horny devils.
Links to:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Stick around... there's much more to come!
Song inspo (because now I've done it on every post, I have to keep doing it)
Aaaaaaaand gifs:
How are you going to keep yourself from getting used to this?
******
You wake up to a gentle kiss on your forehead.
"Bye, baby."
"What time is it?"
"Almost 5:30. Go back to sleep." You nod your head and he kisses you softly on the lips and leaves. You hear the front door open and close quietly. The bed feels empty without him already, so you go ahead and get up. The first thing you do is change your shirt because Jane will probably recognize it. Before you hide it in your drawer, you put your face in it and breathe deeply. His smell is still there, even though you wore it all night.
You shouldn't miss him this much.
You make some coffee and sit on your front porch watching the sunrise and waiting for the kids to wake up.
Once the sun is up, you see Elvis walk out to get the paper. Your heart skips a beat and you're dying to call out to him. You don't even have to, though, because when he turns to walk back up to the house, he spots you and waves. He jogs over to you and leans against the railing on the steps up to your porch.
"Good morning, beautiful."
"Elvis. We can't do this. Someone might see you." You whip your head from side to side, looking for nosey neighbors to come crawling out of the bushes.
"What? I'm just a neighbor coming to say hello." He gives you a winning grin.
"Elvis." His face falls and he looks at the ground. "When does your wife get home?" He swallows hard.
"Tuesday." Today is Sunday. "You know she travels a lot." He looks up at you hopefully.
"Not enough for us to... we just can't. I can't... I have the kids and I just... I can't." Your heart feels like it's in a vice that just gets tighter and tighter and it's taking everything in you not to cry. He looks back down at the ground and nods.
"I guess I better go home, then." He turns to walk back to his house, but then stops and turns back to you. "But if you ever change your mind..."
Just then, Jane calls from inside the house. "Mooooom!" You stand up from the porch and he turns and walks away. You watch him go before Jane comes to the door. "Mom! I'm hungry." You sigh and go back into the house to tend to the kids.
******
You spend a lazy Sunday with the kids on the couch watching tv and reading. You go ahead and give Michael the comics you've bought for his birthday next month, since he's so pitiful with his cast. He can't read yet, but he likes to look at the pictures.
Round about 3 o'clock there's a light knock on the front door. When you get to the door, you're surprised to find Elvis there. You thought you were pretty clear this morning. Before you can say anything about it though, he opens his mouth.
"I'm here to see Michael. I brought him some stuff to help his recovery." He holds up a bag. "Can I come in?" You feel bad for assuming he was there to see you.
"Sure." You open the door and he walks in and goes to the living room. When he gets to Michael on the couch, he plops the bag down between his legs and starts pulling stuff out. He has a pint of chocolate ice cream, a stack of comic books, and a model car, still in the box waiting to be built. Michael goes straight for the comics. They're older ones, but he doesn't care. He's never seen them before and he's fascinated.
"Where did you get these?" He asks excitedly.
"They were mine when I was younger. I thought you might like them." The gesture is so kind, it tugs at your heart a little.
"Should I take the ice cream to the kitchen?" You cut in, noticing that it's already starting to melt.
"Can I have some too, Mama?" Jane asks politely.
"Sure, honey." You take the ice cream and go into the kitchen to put it into two bowls. When you come back out, Elvis is showing Michael the car box.
"I know your hand is a little busted up right now, but I thought I could help you build it sometime when it's feeling better." Michael nods excitedly.
Why does he have to be married?
You hand the ice cream to the kids and they go to work eating it. Elvis stands up.
"I guess I better be going. Thanks for letting me bring the stuff in."
"Thank you for the ice cream, Mr. Presley!" Jane calls to him. Michael just grunts and nods. He's too busy eating. You walk Elvis to the front door.
"Thank you for doing that. You didn't have to--"
"How many times do I have to tell you that I want to? Can't I still love your kids even if you won't let me..." he trails off. You can tell he's frustrated with you.
"Yes. I'm sorry. We need someone like you... THEY. They need someone like you." You caught it too late and he notices. He looks at you almost hopefully and then nods.
"Well, I'll be around as long as they need me." He walks out the front door and back to his house.
******
Chapter 5 coming soon!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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@itlover8000 @deniseinmn @elvisalltheway101 @ccab @suxny @hernameisnoellex3 @ashtag6887 @arabellapresley @littlehoneyposts @dkayfixates @elvisxsposts @joshuntildawn13 @msamarican @returntopresley
Want to be added to the Taglist? Let me know!
#elvis presley#elvis fans#elvis#elvis presley fanfiction#elvis presley x reader#elvis smut#elvis x reader#elvisaaronpresley#elvis fanfic#elvis presely smut#elvis presley x y/n#60s elvis#elvis fandom#elvis x you#elvis x y/n#elvis presley fic#elvis presley x you#elvis presley smut#elvis fic#Spotify
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I've never heard anyone talk about this theory on tumblr, but I was curious to ask you. What do you think about Ronan becoming a Grysks spy? I saw such an idea in one fanfic, but there they made Ronan just an ambitious and stupid villain. But I thought about and decided that given its canonical nature, such a development of events also seems to be probable to some extent. It seemed to me so, because look: Ronan in Ascendancy is even more vulnerable than Eli, who managed to build good relations with at least Vah'nya and Ar'alani, he obviously needs a lot of time to somehow get along with at least a brother-in-misfortune, and already especially with someone else. In essence, he is alone, and his character also repels the Chiss from him, which leads to their distrust and unwillingness to explain anything to him. A person who communicates little with anyone and understands little is easy to take advantage of, besides, attachment to some things or people is something that the Grysk are only too good at pressuring, with intimidation or cunning. And Ronan is attachmented to Krennic, to the Empire, to the Death Star, so in theory they have something to hit. In addition, if he is faithful to someone, then he is faithful, as we see, almost to the end. And if someone else could become for him a figure like Krennic to whom he "swears" - this person could push him into many things.
If anything, I'm not saying that this is a full-fledged theory and it will be so in the canon. These are just my thoughts on one of hundreds of possible scenarios. I was wondering how likely you think this is?
Oooh... honestly, as much as I love Ronan, I think that's very likely. I think it's even likelier when you consider Thrawn's suggestion to Ar'alani about feeding Ronan the right kind of information because they know he's a potential traitor.
Looking at the book, it's hard to tell if they mean that in the sense of feeding the Empire information through him or using him to misled the Grysks but both scenarios are kind of sad because neither assumes an eventual assimilation into the Ascendancy (which I'm trying to fix in my fic lol).
But yes, as you said Ronan is a very likely target for the Grysks. Ar'alani herself points it out and if something isn't done to prevent it, Ronan could easily be converted into a Grysk agent. The moment he realizes Thrawn didn't send him on some secret mission to find Chiss jedi, he'll grow even more distrustful of him. And if his experience in the Ascendancy is as negative as we assume it'll be, there's plenty of dislike there for the Grysks to feed and exploit.
In a way, characters with a lot of zeal and extreme views always have that problem. They're just... unstable. Kind of like Anakin in the prequels, because they feel so strongly about something they're open to manipulation and their loyalties can be exploited with the right kind of nudging.
That said, making Ronan's motivation ambition and depriving him of his intellect is just... dumb. Ronan genuinely believes he's on the side of the greater good, that the Empire is doing good, etc. I can see the Grysks convincing him that the Chiss are the bad guys in the grand scheme of things, maybe that they're planning to betray or attack the Empire and use his loyalty and inflated self-righteousness to pit him against them.
The thing about Ronan, I think, is that he has an eye for detail and is good at noticing things and reading people (e.g. realizing that Vah'nya is force sensitive) but he's not as good at using that information to come to the right conclusions. Sometimes he does and that's when his skills shine but sometimes his takes are just so far off it's funny.
Whether it's because he tends to overthink or because his biases skew his thinking, it's still a flaw and one that could be exploited.
My only hope for Ronan resisting the Grysks' manipulation is that he's already seen what they're capable of. There's this moment in the book where he gets a very strong reaction to seeing the bodies they've left behind ("Ronan nodded silently from his seat at the conference room table, trying very hard not to be sick. [...] He tried to remind himself that these men had been thieves who’d stolen from Stardust and the Empire, and that they deserved punishment. The rationalization didn’t help.")
At the end of the day, Ronan isn't cruel and doesn't have the stomach for cruelty. And that could be the only thing stopping him from trusting the Grysks who don't have a problem openly showing their ruthlessness. But, of course, if he's already in a bad place and vulnerable to manipulation, that might not be enough to save him.
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I'm not even sure if this is a confession or where I'm going with this, but I guess I had to get it out.
Last month I finally figured out that I'm a trans guy. I'm in my 30s already and growing up I didn't even know trans people existed. I also tend to be too good at accepting things that suck, so I just assumed all afab people secretly hated their gender cause patriarchy or whatever. When I figured out a few years ago that cis women actually enjoy being women I felt so confused. I only figured out a few years ago that I'm aroace as well, so most of my life I just felt like something was wrong with me but I had no idea what. And I had a cringy "I'm not like other girls" phase too. They wear makeup and date? Couldn't be me XD
After wondering for quite some time whether I'm agender, genderfluid, enby or whatever, I'm pretty sure I'm just a dude. But since then, it feels like my whole life is one giant "so now what?". I know there are so many examples of people who start to transition late, but I don't think I'll ever have the courage to come out. I don't think the people in my life would be transphobic, but I doubt they'd understand. And changing my name and starting to transition just seems so stressful. I'd love to get top surgery and maybe go on T, but I don't know if it'd be worth it when I could just live my life as cis-passing, masculine "woman". As I said, I'm way too good at accepting stuff.
And that also makes me wonder if I'm really truly trans? I mean, if I was, I'd feel so dysphoric that I'd do anything to transition, right?
As I said, I have no idea why I'm even writing this. I guess I'll just keep using my new name and pronouns online where nobody knows me in real life, get through real life as I've done before and feel happy but slightly jealous whenever I hear someone's transition stories :')
Submitted July 6, 2023
#trans#transgender#trans masc#transmasc#trans masculine#transmasculine#trans man#trans boy#transgender man#transgender boy#trans guy#transgender guy#ftm#afab#aromantic#asexual#aroace#aspec#aro#ace#arospec#acespec#arose#questioning
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How did you all figure out you were a system? -🪭
It depends on who you're asking.
For Purple, she was always open to the idea that the world had a lot of unexplainable phenomena that our current knowledge of science and stuff may not be able to address. When we were 12, she was looking online for ways to flesh out OCs, and one of the suggestions was to talk to said OC as if you were giving them an interview. So she asked said "OC" some questions and had him answer them. "What's your favorite color?" she asked. "Gray," I said. "No, that's wrong! I made you, I know your favorite color is green! I put it down on your character sheet!" she said back. I shrugged, and, confused, replied back, "It's definitely gray, I don't know what to tell you." And in that moment she knew she shared a brain with another entity, though she dared not label her experiences as DID at the time.
For Green, in high school he had joined a new online community who noted how his personality would occasionally just *drastically* shift. This personality shift was due to him and Purple switching at the time, and Purple, already in the know, would end up telling this new community how they likely had some sort of "multiple personality" thing going on but would never presume for it to be DID without a proper diagnosis. Those words alone were enough for Green to realize that Purple truly was a separate identity from him, and though he was shocked at first, he and Purple really leaned into the "multiple personalities", even giving themselves different halves of our online username at the time.
For me... well, I'm a fusion of a few parts. One part of me, the Gray that Purple met and mistook for an OC, knew around the same time as her. I was in denial for much longer, but constant pestering from her made me finally accept that she and I were at least separate consciousnesses within the same brain.
Another part of me was blissfully unaware until we nearly died in 2020. I won't go into detail how it happened, but it was sudden and out of nowhere, and though nobody was too greatly injured, the shock was enough for me to fully dissociate away from the situation. However, we still needed someone to actually be in the body and move it around, so out of desperation our gatekeeper (the "mistaken for OC Gray") pushed out the first alter he could find... and that happened to be Rouge, our sexual alter. Let me just paint the picture here real quick: I've told everyone around me that I'm asexual, somewhat sex-repulsed, and had no plans to ever be sexual with anyone. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I'm on Tinder witht the sluttiest profile I can muster up, swiping right on anyone and everyone who I even remotely may be interested in a one-night hookup. All because I nearly died. I woke up in the morning to hundreds of matches and even a planned fuckdate. All of this, might I remind you all of the timing, in the middle of a pandemic that we at the time did not have a vaccine for yet. Horrified by what I found in the morning, I canceled the fuckdate, deleted my account, and uninstalled the app.
And though that was still not enough for me to accept I have DID, that sure did open some doors.
Then, in 2022, my then-partner and I had a long talk. They were getting tired of my memory issues and no amount of writing things down seemed to be enough for them. I seemed to have incredibly inconsistent and even contradictory boundaries that they couldn't keep track of. I blamed everything on my ADHD, of course. I didn't have amnesia, other than what I assumed were short term memory issues to the point I may have missed something they said 5 minutes ago. "Oh, sorry, I was spacing out," I would say. Eventually she got so fed up that she said, "you never space out when we're having fun conversations! it's only when you're stressed out because I'm pointing out things you've done badly that you tend to space out!"
And I went. Oh. Fuck.
That's not spacing out.
Slapped in the face with the reality that I wasn't simply "spacing out" from ADHD unfocus but due to some kind of dissociation, and given the ultimatum that if I didn't change then they would break up with me, I was forced to sit on those feelings and really dig into why I was so dissociative, so forgetful, and so inconsistent. And I knew the reason, I did, but I couldn't get myself to admit to it. God, it couldn't be me. I tried so hard to convince myself that the disorder I had on-and-off considered my entire life didn't apply to me, that maybe I was misunderstanding the diagnostic criteria, or I was misinterpreting my symptoms, or that I somehow had convinced myself I had these symptoms because I wanted them to feel... special? Validated? I don't know.
I found myself a therapist who had a long history of working with dissociative and trauma clients. She helped me unravel a lot of those feelings of shame and denial. She used a few different tools to eventually diagnose me with DID. She validated my experiences, and helped me through so much initial stabilization that I'm so very grateful for her help those first 10 months.
So, yeah. That's how we found out we have DID.
#did#dissociative identity disorder#actually did#actuallydid#did osdd#osddid#cdd#personal#by gray#about green#about purple#we've been meaning to write this for a long time#so thank you for the ask#the-bumblebee-system#the bumblebee system
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heyyyy!! i’m really happy to see ur enjoying the manga i recommended, though i’m sorry ur getting bothered by that other anon!! hopefully they were just joking about going into ur room…? anyways, i just wanted to ask for some advice if it’s not too much of a bother! i have a yandere myself, but he tends to be the quiet type! i don’t mind just chatting to him onesidedly — he seems to like it..? — but my issue is that it gets really hard to read him! i’ve caught him stealing my things and sometimes he tries to make it so i cant leave his house, which tells me that he seems to care in.. his own way.. ? but i’m really worried bc whenever he gets jealous or upset i can never see it coming! how do i comfort a yandere who never shows it in any emotional way that he’s mad or upset before it’s too late and he’s hurt someone or done something? should i just be more affectionate in general…? do you have any tips for dealing with the more reserved type? i’d really appreciate your help, thank you!
- Angel💛
borrowing things from you and keeping you safe for sure sound like signs that he cares about you. if he's listening to you talk and not making you be quiet or leaving, i would assume that he enjoys it. just accept his affection and return it with your own, even if your forms of expressing affection are different.
if you're trying to make him get jealous less often, that will be difficult. i would say you should just be more explicit about everything that you do. sometimes yanderes can make things out to be a bigger deal than they actually are, if they aren't given enough details. i've said this in a previous ask about a similar topic, too. you can try to over-explain your relationships to people, events that occurred, and whatever else to curb his jealousy, if you're talking about something that you think he would get mad over.
accepting his affections more often or more energetically can sometimes help a lot with lessening jealous reactions, even if the jealousy itself can't be curbed. if he's making it so you can't leave his house, just sit back down and make yourself at home! make him understand that you really want to be with him! again, it's about being explicit with your thoughts. if you really have to go to leave somewhere, over-explain why you have to leave. or cancel any plans. you can always pretend you got sick. if he isn't resistant to you comforting him, then do more of that. being more affectionate in general is good, yes.
but in the end, you're with a yandere. anger is going to be an ongoing thing to work on. just keep on trying new things and keep on communicating. be patient, because he loves you, and it's worth it to keep trying. i know i wish my love would try harder with me, but i guess i just have to meet them halfway instead. it's good that you're already trying, at least.
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I have a question that I'm finding more and more concerning with you that I think you probably don't notice at all, but why is your judgement on what's right and wrong so heavily reliant on what your discord friends say? You made mistakes and as some have pointed it out, but the moment your discord friends say you haven't done anything wrong; then you believe in them completely. One of the things I learned as an autistic person is to listen and learn from others if my behavior is found to be on the bad side, but I'm starting to notice how easily you believe in your friends and ignore others for their sake. I don't wanna say examples here, but as an autistic person to another, its fine to ask friends for advice and judgment but sometimes they aren't always right and we should take note of that more often. Like you, I also have trouble reading between the lines so I also rely on friends to help me understand. But I also know well they aren't always right and try to analyse situations myself more and decide for myself whether I'm the one who is in the right.
Please don't get mad. I know I'm not the only one who pointed this out, but you act like such a jerk when your wrongs are pointed out and frankly I think it's time you ease down too.
(Quick note- my tone here is neutral and contemplative, not mad. This is something I've been thinking about on myself)
The main reason why I ask my friends for feedback is actually BECAUSE I put a lot of thought into social scenarios, but I've got a huge blind spot when it comes to how they actually work and how I'm coming off in them. I tend to treat them like a math problem, but alas, I'm very much not good at math. Because my friends have an outsider pov of not being me while also knowing me well enough to be aware of my flaws and inclinations, they're able to give me perspectives that I simply do not have that I can then factor into my analysis of the situation. The entirety of the misstep was my own, but since I was extremely confused as to how a mild statement from my end (to my eyes) computed to someone thinking that I called them a pedophile because to me that wasn't even CLOSE to what I was saying, I went to others for help.
It's also worth it to point out that my friends were the ones who said I was wrong and that I came off as saying something I didn't mean, but ALSO that the people I wronged were handling it really poorly and jumping to conclusions even after I apologized and clarified it, which is where I wasn't in the wrong. So they're hardly telling me I was innocent, and I don't view them as the end-all-be-all statement of what's right and wrong here. They just get factored into my calculations when I have a missing variable.
That isn't to say that I don't act like a jerk when defensive, but it's not triggered by being wrong, it's triggered by accusations and people not listening to what I have to say. I most certainly was in the wrong to assume malicious intent, but I'm not in the wrong to point out that the people who assumed malicious intent handled it just as poorly as I did, given that they continued to claim that I said something about them that I outright said was an error made in ignorance on my part, and that I had intentions that I really did not have (ie, redtagging them). That's not me refusing to take blame, that's just the reality of the situation. I was wrong, I was speaking from a place of ignorance that I really should have put more thought into, and I DID react defensively and like an absolute ass when I got a slew of aggressive messages about it, but the fact that I continued to get more aggressive messages after it that continued to assume malicious intent after clarification isn't where I fucked up, because I really can't do more than what I already apologized for.
#ik I said that this topic was done but tbf i was just thinking about this last night#this is the main reason why I wish I could have a fandom blog without direct engagement- bc I'm inevitably going to fuck it up#but also the reason why i go into fsndoms is bc i desperately crave getting into discussions and debates so thats impossibl#sucks#anon#reply
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35?
35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!
Earlier this year, I was on some considerable pain medication, and I had incredibly vivid dreams? Hallucinations? I became convinced I had written, edited, and published a whole 53k three-shot fic. I have memories of the whole process. They were so vivid, that to this day I occasionally look through the Dumb Gay Eldritch Psychopomps tag on Ao3 expecting to find it, as if maybe I only hallucinated writing it, maybe someone else wrote it and I read it and imagined having made it myself.
I'm not ever going to write it, because I went through the whole process once already, and have nothing to show for it, but I've wanted to relay the general plot since I realized I didn't actually write this fic.
(A warning for anyone about to click Read More, bellow is almost 4k of a summary)
The story begins with the Beast, who is a human, and an astronaut, stationed on the first ever base on mars, however he is eerily alone. It is revealed, slowly over the course of the first chapter, that about five years ago, something began to happen on earth.
Beast (Whose first name I cannot recall, but his last name was Dagenhart for the purposes of this fic.) and the other original twelve astronauts stationed with him, didn't really know what was happening. The rotating team on earth who radioed in with them couldn't explain what was happening, only that it was bad, but far away, on the other side of the globe, before suddenly one day they were cut off. The astronauts then assume, obviously, that whatever it was reached them too.
After that, the timeline gets a little fuzzy, because Beast doesn't dwell on the memories, making the narrator wildly unreliable, but somewhere along the line, the resource shipment they're due fails to come, and one of the team members on mars is killed and eaten for the rest to survive, because the life support cannot sustain them all. Eventually one by one, the rest of the team is killed off, but it's unclear after the first few whether this was done out of necessity, or if the isolation got to them, it's not even very clear if this is a thing that was voted and decided on, or if Beast just murdered and devoured as he pleased and covered his tracks to the rest of the team. It definitely wasn't necessary by the last one, because the life support and food growing resources have been supporting Beast for two years and could have supported another two or three people comfortably.
This is all revealed casually, in asides of Beast's internal monologue as he goes about his daily habits, tending to life support, taking readings, recording data, and entertaining himself.
Beast speculates, as his day draws to a close, that there might be more people left on mars than on Earth, and is really too amused by that to possibly be healthy. It's clear he's content, but definitely not normal, but it's not very clear if he was already off before he came to mars.
We follow him for another day, before suddenly, in the middle of one of his routines, the radio crackles to life with a voice on the other end. Beast is stunned, so stunned he almost doesn't make it to the microphone in time. The voice on the other end seems nearly as surprised to hear him as Beast is to hear it, but Beast quickly identifies himself as the last member of the mars mission, though he doesn't specify exactly what happened to the rest of the team.
The voice on the other end introduces himself as Enoch, and as Beast presses for information about what happened, tells him that a string of increasingly bad natural disasters swept the globe, and there are estimates that as much as half the population has been wiped out, but they're finally starting to pick up the pieces and fall back into their usual routines, and that Enoch is here to reestablish communications.
Due to the collapse and rebuilding of most major systems, Enoch will probably be the only voice online for a long time, and he warns it's definatley going to be longer before the world is reestablished enough to build a rocket to bring Beast home. This is not a concern for Beast who mostly seems to be in shock to hear someone else's voice at all.
Cue a few weeks of Enoch and Beast getting used to each other. Beast, despite his initial jump for the microphone and eagerness to hear Enoch, doesn't really adjust super well to having his isolation disturbed, but Enoch still tunes on, every day, (even weekends. They really are short staffed, he insists.), at 8 o'clock on the dot. Earth time, that is. Slowly, not entirely unlike a cat being socialized, Beast comes around, and finds Enoch an incredibly enjoyable companion. Even though Beast finds himself trying to relearn social norms after not only isolation, but also murdering at least seven of his twelve companions. (Slowly, through what Beast doesn't tell Enoch, it becomes increasingly clear that Beast is responsible for most of their deaths, and that most of them were motivated by hunger, but not starvation.)
But Enoch is a bit of a weirdo himself, as becomes increasingly hard to hide after four or five months of which he spends at least eight hours a day on call with Beast. There's something decidedly off about him, which Beast mostly attributes to living through half a decade of an apocalypse.
Enoch is missing a lot of common knowledge, some of it mundane, and some of it incredibly weird considering he's at least theoretically, a government employee, working for a space program, but hey, its the apocalypse, Beast assumes they can't be picky. The knowledge that Enoch does have makes him ever more enigmatic, he couldn't tell you how to fry an egg, but he does know everything about the hidden messages in the work of Edgar Allen Poe, and has encyclopedic knowledge of burial practices throughout history.
A couple of interesting interactions come from a game of twenty questions early in their interaction (initiated by Enoch, but escalated by Beast), which eventually ends with Beast asking the incredibly intense, and unrecommended game question "Have you ever killed somebody." to which Enoch laughs and says that he's lived through what very narrowly missed being the end of the earth, of course he's killed somebody, but doesn't provide any context. Which both relaxes and intrigues Beast, and the rest of his questions prod about looking for the edges of Enoch's moral compass. Enoch on the other hand asks things that he should really know considering he has Beast's profile on hand.
There's also a point where Beast asks if Enoch can access any of the cameras on base, and Enoch seems stunned there are cameras at all. Which leads to Beast getting suspicious and pressing about why Enoch doesn't seem to know jack shit about the mars mission, Enoch replies that the original earth team are dead, and among the weather phenomena were extreme electrical storms that at least partially wiped the computer system, meaning Enoch is kind of fumbling about with only the paper files he can find. Beast accepts this answer, and decides he'll help walk Enoch through the process of bringing the cameras on line.
But first, deep cleaning.
Not only has Beast been living alone, assured that no one will ever visit or see him again, he's also not had to be particularly careful about hiding the fact that he's a serial murderer. He scrubs basically anything that might have a trace of blood on it, hides all the bones, and breaks the camera in the deep freezer where he is... saving a few treats. Then, painstakingly walks Enoch through the process of bringing the cameras on line.
Enoch's reaction to seeing Beast for the first time can be, I guess, construed as flirting, but honestly it's just a very weird scene that emphasizes how very weird, but charming, of a guy Enoch is. Beast is even more awkward than he was adjusting to Enoch in his ear, because now Enoch can see him, and he's certain most of his mannerisms have grown ever more eclectic while left alone, but Enoch rarely comments on them. Beast is also a little put off about the fact he can't see Enoch, and mentions it, to which Enoch responds he would rectify the situation if he could.
He can't exactly, but Beast talks him through the process of sending a photo to mars. It takes half an hour to get sent and load up, but in the end Beast is left with a low quality but goofy selfie of Enoch, with an image of himself on one of the screens in the background. Revealing Enoch is, as he described himself to Beast when they first started conversing, a tall, heavyset black man, with a neat goatee, and presumably brown eyes, that are, in the photo, glowing eerily from the light of the flash in the darkness of the radio station. Beast teases Enoch over this, and Enoch makes a remark that he's never been particularly photogenic, which obviously fishtails into extremely round about flirting.
Beast also asks, at some point, if Enoch knows, or could find out about what happened to his goddaughter, Lorna. He gives Enoch a description of her, and her phone number, and Enoch promises he'll look into it. Enoch eventually (after a few weeks) tells Beast that he can't locate her if she is still alive. Beast remarks that she's a tough girl, and willing to do anything to survive, and that he's sure she's fine. Enoch gets odd about the remark and replies something along the lines of her not being the only one, which obviously catches Beast's attention, and he comes to the conclusion that maybe Enoch has done more than just kill to survive, and Beast is heavily considering telling Enoch about eating the other members of his mission, if only to try and crack Enoch so that he can get through the strange reserve that Enoch has around certain topics.
Slowly, over the course of nearly a year of constant communication and bonding, the inconsistencies in Enoch's stories have started to build up, and Beast has become convinced that Enoch is hiding the scope of what happened on earth from him. Enoch is just so strange, and never really has a good explanation for why no one else ever comes on air and talks around certain subjects in such a way that only raises Beast's suspicions more.
Beast is certain, so certain he would bet every penny to his name, on the fact that Enoch is lying to him.
He concludes that Enoch is alone, perhaps not the last person on earth, but the last around for miles, whatever catastrophe had not simply damaged the human population, it had decimated it, and Enoch, a survivor of the wastes, who had done what he deemed to be unspeakable, unredeemable things, had managed to stumble into the old government facility, and upon finding a radio, had tried desperately to radio for someone, anyone, only to be shocked to find someone had answered, but they weren't separated by land or sea, but by the vast expanse of space. Enoch must have clung to the only proof he wasn't alone in the universe, even if he was on earth, inventing a better alternative to the end of the world in hopes to keep the normalcy that might foster a relationship with the Beast, perhaps worried that news of the true end of the world might lead to Beast shutting down, or doing something drastic as he realized he was trapped on mars.
The chapter closes on Beast musing on how utterly poetic it is that the last person on mars and potentially the last person on earth found each other in the vastness of the universe, and that if they really are alone together, he might as well go all in and lay everything bare.
And then the second chapter opens with Enoch, this off the wall concept goes totally off the rails.
Because in this chapter, it becomes immediately obvious that not only is the Beast right that the cataclysmic event wasn't just devastating, but in fact world ending, it becomes clear immediately that Enoch is, in fact, the cause of that event.
Enoch is an ill-defined lovecraftian horror, that might be colloquially referred to as a star eater. He's come from the dark embrace of space and had been hibernating here on earth for a long time, however upon waking up, was utterly charmed by the culture and lifeforms that had sprung up since he crashed here a couple hundred thousand years ago. He spent about fifty years poorly disguised as a human, enjoying and learning about whatever struck his fancy while utterly ignoring whatever didn't, before deciding it was time he returned to his journey of slowly snuffing out the lights of the universe.
Needing a bit of energy to get himself started, he promptly began devouring life on earth, less a physical process of eating, as it is draining the life out of every living thing in a vague incomprehensible manner, that couldn't be interpreted by humans as anything but weather phenomena, because the brain really just isn't meant to process whatever it is Enoch is. That was the first three years. Over the past two years he's been slowly working his way across the globe to pick up any stragglers and incorporate them into himself. There are a few encampments of humans shored up in fortified bunkers and basements that he has to work to get into, not unlike an octopus figuring out how to open a jar, and he finds stray colonies of insects and rats that repopulated when he missed them the first time all along the way. There are also obviously a couple stretches of forest he never quite got around to, and some stuff kicking about deep in the ocean he hasn't bothered to even try and eat, but he's slowed down considerably in the last few years, enjoying wandering about in abandoned cities and trying out different knickknacks and that sort of thing.
Which is exactly what Enoch was doing, messing around with radios and space stuff deep in the heart of government facilities, wearing his human disguise because all the knobs and levers were so fiddly otherwise, when he spoke into one of the microphones and got Beast's response back.
Enoch has time, all the time in the world, because he doesn't live on the same time scale as a human, and he is initially fascinated because he wasn't aware humans were a spacefaring species, and admittedly, a little concerned he's made one galactic federation or another aware of his presence by suddenly wiping out a planet, which is initially why he sticks around, so that he can snoop through government files and see just how deep into space they've reached, radioing in with Beast is just something to do in the meantime. Luckily for him, mars is the furthest humans have traveled, but by the time he figures that out, he's already been charmed.
He's not exactly sure how the nuances of human social systems work, though he's got a broad understanding of it, so most of the red flags the Beast sends off about Definitely being a Murderer, are lost on him, but he's not entirely oblivious to the fact that Beast's also a weirdo, but chalks it up to the fact that this is a human who has clearly spent the better part of the last five years alone, and even Enoch is aware that humans tend to go a little off like that.
Enoch's motivation for lying to the Beast is mostly that he isn't sure how to break it to a guy that he incorporated the rest of humanity into his being, and gradually he digs himself into the lie, because he's having a good time. He builds himself a little den in the room he radios to Beast in, and during the hours he claims to be at home and doing his day to day life, he goes out and continues his slow purge of the planet.
He's nearly done, really he's stalling at this point, so he can linger in the cramped dark little room where he can talk to Beast. And we get a very interesting perspective to his lies, which come off as rather obvious from the Beast's side, but as rather ingenious from Enoch's side.
At this point there are fun parallels being drawn left and right for the audience about how the Beast ate everyone on mars, and Enoch ate (or is in the process of eating) everyone on earth, and how if they were actually together, one of them would have made an attempt to eat the other. Also clearly being displayed is the absolute lack of guilt on both sides, Enoch doesn't really view what he's doing as wrong, nor does he even consider it killing, and it technically isn't, and Beast has either abandoned his moral compass or didn't have one to begin with. It's a very dramatic irony heavy stretch of the story, that makes the flirting happening between the two even weirder, which is impressive considering neither of them have spoken to another human being in about four years at this point, and it was already weird.
And then Beast reveals that he ate the other members of his mission while also subtly hinting that he knows Enoch is alone, and lying to him, the latter thing immediately goes over Enoch's head, because he's a little caught up on the cannibalism thing. He was aware, of course, that cannibalism was a thing humans sometimes did, in theory at least, but to actually hear an admission of it? From his companion? Enoch is over the moon. Could Beast get any more perfect? They have so much in common!
And because he's never heard of subtlety, Enoch also reveals almost entirely unintentionally that he has also eaten people! Cue cannibalism discussions, Beast suddenly being a lot more cavalier about the murder thing, though he's still currently insisting that he did it out of necessity and not pleasure, and probably the most surreal scene out of this fic that doesn't exist, where the Beast and Enoch have a dinner date, separated by the vast expanse of space, Beast eating... leftovers from the rest of the crew, in front of one of the cameras jerry-rigged into a dining seat, while Enoch chatters on and tries desperately to sound like he understands how actual eating works, and is also eating, while staring with rapt attention at the screen while Beast slowly works his way through his meal.
So from Beast's end we have a budding cannibal romance, admittedly with the wrench that they're on different planets, both of which are equally apocalyptic, and from Enoch's end, he's fallen hard for a charming human who theoretically wouldn't be put off by Enoch's nature, but he can't even get to him.
This revelation also makes Enoch a lot less careful about hiding his inhumanity, not that he was particularly good at it before, leading to Beast coming to the conclusion that clearly, Enoch has cracked, but isn't particularly bothered by it, because really, who wouldn't given their current situations.
Eventually, the topic of Enoch being the last person on earth comes up again, with Beast being a lot more blatant about it this time (After all they're... weird... planet separated domestic partners at this point. Enoch can be honest with him) but Enoch understands this as Beast knows what he is, and Enoch is like, oh I'm so glad you already knew, and they comedy of error their way through the realization that the Beast didn't actually know what Enoch is, Enoch revealing he's some sort of spacefaring monster, Beast realizing Enoch actually thinks he is a lovecraftian horror, all of which happens while they're laying together in bed. (Beast in his bed, with one of the cameras propped up on a pillow, and Enoch comfortably curled up in his den of pillows strewn about the floor of the radio room)
This leads into a very strange couple's argument, which follows usual couple's argument tropes, while having the wild content of Beast insisting Enoch is just experiencing delusions as a result of intense isolation, and Enoch insisting that he's real, and also an incomprehensible horror.
Beast is starting to think that maybe he's the one with delusions, and maybe Enoch doesn't really exist at all, and he's just a guilt ridden fantasy, and that perhaps earth is fine, all those miles away, and nothing ever happened to it, and he's growing increasingly furious and panicked during the argument.
Eventually this argument coalesces into a week of radio silence from the Beast's side, while Enoch cajoles and pleads on the other side as Beast slowly and methodically covers up all the cameras, leaving them in a strange situation where Enoch is constantly on the line, talking in the dark room, with no external stimuli or response, which was a scene I conveyed by roughly 5k of a solid monologue which gets increasingly deranged as Enoch slips further and further away from human over the course of it, both in subject matter, and in the fact that the words get increasingly jumbled, doing that thing where the first and last letter are the same but all middle letters are jumbled, which is usually readable at a glance but dissolves into a jumble of letters if you look too long at it. (An effect you may rest assured will never actually be in a published fic of mine for numerous reasons.)
The Beast comes back on line with a few short words which basically boil down to "Prove it."
And Enoch does. He doesn't have the energy to get to mars alone, he'd need to nap to process the energy he got from eating earth, and by the time he woke up, Beast would be long dead, so he decides he's going the old-fashioned way. By rocket.
The issue is, Enoch doesn't have a crew, he doesn't have a team of specialists, and he's not very good at math, and he knows he can't get to mars if he just aims, because he'll definitely miss.
But you know what target is a lot harder to miss than mars?
The sun.
So Enoch decides he'll head for the sun and using an unmanned spacecraft which he squeezes into via size fuckery, launches himself, after signing off to Beast to wait for him, to just give him a little bit longer.
It takes about a month to get to the sun, but once there, he consumes the energy from it, the same way he'd been consuming energy from earth, and then, through... teleportation? Extreme speed? Ends up on mars, he has enough energy that he's able to focus in on the energy signals from the base, and basically lands in incomprehensible weather phenomenon form cradling the base, before taking on his human disguise to knock on the hatch.
Beast is, in a word, stunned.
He lets Enoch in, and things get very... noneuclidian. The actual distinction between them starts to slip away, and Enoch reveals that, he ate the sun to get here, meaning that the light that's shining on mars is borrowed time, and they have ten minutes before the sunlight runs out, and mars is plunged into darkness. That was the title of the fic I think. Ten Minutes In the Sun.
The ending gets very weird, very much A Great and Terrible Union turned up to eleven, as the prose gets weirder and weirder as... something happens? It's unclear if Enoch is consuming the Beast into him, if the Beast is metamorphizing into something more, maybe something like Enoch, or if they're fusing into something else, Star Trek the Motion Picture V'ger style.
But it ends, when the mars is suddenly plunged into darkness.
Having typed that all out, it's very obviously a concept that I wasn't entirely lucid with when I came up with it, but I can safely say that this one of the two fics that doesn't exist that lives in my brain rent free.
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Still not sure how to talk to the people from the d&d group about last week.
I wanna be mature and constructive about this, but the best I can really muster is "Yeah I kinda fucked up in some spots, not trying to downplay that, but on the whole I'm just frustrated with the situation, and how all of what went wrong is being put on me in a way I feel is unfair."
I felt like I was rushed into something I wasn't entirely ready for, right on the heels of several months of stress over making sure I'd have food stamps again. Yes I volunteered for this several months beforehand, but not as an immediate thing, and more with a broad vibe than a clear pre-planned... plan. I wanted to have the time to figure out the finer details and put maps and materials together before committing to doing this, but instead between being busy with IRL shit, executive dysfunction and heat exhaustion being an absolute bitch, and my own anal-retentiveness about getting everything just right combined with not being entirely sure where to start, that didn't happen.
I really should have just said no, but everyone NEEDED SO BADLY to play something during the break from the main campaign, (even though there is a minecraft server literally right there) and the whole "if you don't pilot the EVA, Rei will be made to do so again" thing was in play with the other multishot that could have filled the gap getting off to a false start and not being entirely ready either. Plus, I wanted to get this test run out of the way so I could work on the reboot of the big magical girl campaign again while the current main one was drawing to a close. Being told July was gonna be the last chance to do that before a long stretch without interruptions kinda made me panic. So I said yes instead.
I figured given my track record, having the deadline would be a good way to ensure I actually worked on it, but like, I think it really just did more harm than good, compared to if I had let it breathe. I also thought I was a bit readier than I was, with some stuff I hadn't even considered needing to figure out cropping up right on the day of, and having to scramble to get those hashed out at the last second. So yeah, while this was going on I spent the bulk of the weeks not working on this, and then having to do the rest day-of, causing the session start time delays. (I could give a detailed breakdown on exactly what those unforseen "invisible steps" were, so they have context for why the delays kept happening the way they did, but I've already been told to my face by at least one of the group that she doesn't give a shit, so whatever.) That was a mistake on my part, not gonna try to say otherwise. I just should have said no in the first place.
And I guess there's the communication issue. That I did mess up on too, the first few weeks. I tried to do better about it last tuesday, at least, after going radio silence the prior week. I felt I did a decent job of giving updates on my progress and saying "hey this is probably happening but don't assume it is for sure until I say I am Done and Ready." It's out of my control that people went ahead and assumed it was a sure thing anyway. I literally said at one point that I needed to take the bus back home from the library and that would be causing another delay in my prep, only for someone to say "okay this is happening definitely at exactly when she gets home" and I had to say, no, that's just when I'll be getting home, I still have more setup to do after that. And it's a hard fucking balancing act in giving ETAs because people get mad if you give too big a number, but then I also tend to take longer than I estimate...
I should have just called it off then and there tbh. Just didn't wanna let people down second week in a row. Not that that worked out anyway.
And of course the straw to break the camel's back was that A: There was another thing I needed to finish that I thought I had already done, but had in fact only half-completed, B: one of the other players dipped out on account of a migraine, and I hate leaving people out on principle but everyone else wanted to go ahead anyway, and C: on top of those, this was suddenly needing to be the last session before the main campaign resumes yesterday, so I'd have to rush to complete yet another session's worth of content while running one. And also I'd been up for 26 hours straight at this point. How the fuck was I supposed to react? I needed to remove myself from the situation and I needed sleep.
(I will readily admit that waking up still pissed the next morning and pouring all my complaints into a shitty meme format generator was not a mature course of action. Again, not pretending I'm blameless here.)
...
Anyway, my takeaway from where and how I did fuck up and why, is that I'm just not cut out for this.
After the first run of the magical girl campaign crashed and burned, I figured out a lot of the hows and whys, and found solutions to those problems to enact for next time. But none of that was even relevant to where this one went wrong, so that's a whole new set of problems to also find answers for, and Idk how to do that other than just having everything already ready to go beforehand. A luxury I just don't think this group would be willing to afford.
And furthermore, on sitting back and discussing both campaigns and my approach, I think the way I'm coming at this is fundamentally incompatible with what the rest of the group wants out of a campaign, and this would extend to trying to reboot the big one as well. I don't really enjoy TTRPGs as a medium in practice as much as in theory, because I just function better telling a planned story, not playing an improv game. It's a bit frustrating when it feels like the rest of the group doesn't care about my big grand narrative, but on having the time to reflect on it, I think that one's a Me Problem and a symptom of the incompatible approaches. There's nothing wrong with either, but the two don't exactly mesh well. And this is only one example of that clashing, same happened with me as a player. (The worst of which was when I tried changing my approach! It didn't work and backfired harder!)
(Literally the one exception where things did go well, was because that character I was playing was a super easygoing, down-for-whatever and in-the-moment type, and that campaign didn't last long enough for something to go wrong anyway.)
What happened on Tuesday was basically me ragequitting, but my decision to leave altogether is not. It's me recognizing that I'm the weak link here, and so it would just be better for both me and the group for me to stop trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.
But of course, it seems at least some of them are mad at me over that, too. There's no winning.
So in the end, I don't really know what to say. Yeah, I fucked up. But no, I don't feel I fucked up badly enough to warrant this level of vitriol. I tried to learn from what went wrong and communicate better instead of shutting down, but that only does so much when people just decide what I said differently like with the bus thing, or change plans on me at the last second. I'm frustrated as hell, but not mad at the people, I'm just upset and annoyed that they're so mad at me.
I tried to do my best in time, but the timing was all wrong, and my best just wasn't good enough. Sorry.
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Would it bother you if someone else picked the same FC you use for your MC for their own?
Hey Nonny,
You're going for simple questions that never cause controversy in the fandom, I see! 😂😂 This tends to be a loaded question, and I have mixed feelings about it.
Let's be the mature adults we're supposed to be for a moment. No one owns an FC. So none of us have the right to claim exclusive rights. However, fandom etiquette dictates you should refrain from using another creator's FC. (Note: I've never seen a copy of this fandom etiquette book, copies are not provided when you join.... but god forbid you don't adhere!)
But, my personal opinion is if you know someone else is using an FC, the polite thing to do is to find another. There are a zillion to choose from. At a minimum, if you are aware that another creator is using an FC, shoot them a DM and ask if they mind if you use it too. People take a lot of time to select their FCs, and while we have no claim to them, we should do our best to be considerate of others.
Please note the bold and italics. In the same way, we don't get that etiquette book upon fandom entry, we don't get a masterlist of all FCs used by all creators either. It's impossible to know every FC used by everyone. Sometimes people will innocently use an FC that is already in use. It's happened to me in both directions. I promise you I wasn't aware the FCs I selected were used by others until the hate anons poured in. I like to give others the same benefit of the doubt if they use an FC that I do. (I hope it goes without saying that if you feel the urge to send anyone hate anon over this - or really anything else - seek help because it's not normal or cool.)
In my opinion, there are levels. If someone uses an FC for a side character, I don't see it as much of a big deal as if they use it for, say, the same MC in the same Choices story.
I also don't think it is as upsetting if they use it for another Choices story. For example, if someone uses an Open Heart MC FC as their It Lives MC's FC. But that's just my opinion.... and we know what they say about those. I've had my head chewed off and been accused of heresy for doing just that - even though I had no freaking idea someone was using the FC I selected in a fandom I don't even follow.
As with most matters, if this happens: 1) Try not to take offense. It really isn't always about us. When I've had this happen to me, I legit think, well, this person has excellent taste! 2) If this happens to you and you're upset, politely reach out to the other creator and discuss it frankly and civilly. NEVER resort to hate anons or flipping out to the entire fandom, save the one person you should be discussing it with.
So after that long-ass answer... lol... Personally, I'm more attached to some of my FCs than others. For some, it wouldn't be phased at all. For others, NGL, I wouldn't be happy, but again, what can you do? There are bigger problems in the world. If it wasn't done maliciously, I'd smile and move on with my day. Rule of thumb, assume good intentions unless you know for a fact otherwise.
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