#by gray

[reimeichan]

I've been slowly learning to reclaim things that I love for myself. So many of my hobbies and passions are tainted by history: piano was forced upon me as a child and was a huge source of trauma by itself, dance was fun until my teacher started shit talking me about my weight, even photography sucks because it's something my parents enjoyed and god forbid I turn out anything like them.

But I'm teaching myself to decouple the past from these activities. I acknowledge the trauma associated with piano, and also that I miss playing pieces I enjoy. I allow myself time to hammer around when I can and to take breaks as long as I need to, to make the music making enjoyable in a way it never was for me as a child. I learn new dances from youtube, and giggle when I get the moves right. I still can't record myself, but I'm re-learning that my body shape has nothing to do with my ability. And while I still don't take a lot of pictures, the people around me do and I'm starting to associate picture taking with them instead of my parents. I guess this, too, is a part of healing.

#mental health #trauma #ptsd #cptsd #ask to tag #cw body image #since it was mentioned figured I should tag it #by purple #by gray

[greens-spilled-tea]

Anyways something I've noticed is how different spaces have such different reactions towards fusion and splitting. Certain spaces seem to celebrate the formation of a new alter/headmate and are even envious of systems with high alter/headmate counts. I've even come across the question of "how do yall cope with fusions?" with the implication that fusion means the alters/headmates go away or are no longer needed. On the other side of the equation, I've been in spaces where splitting is seen as unequivocally a negative experience while fusion is celebrated. And honestly this difference in opinion and experience is something I want to explore more and understand better. Why is there such a difference? Is this a difference between non-CDD systems and CDD system experiences, or endogenic and traumagenic systems, or something else entirely?

#by green #sysconversation #sysconvo #conversysion #syscourse #I'm personally in the camp that for my system sometimes splits can be positive and even necessary at my current stage of healing #and sometimes fusion may not be healthy #but overall while I'm kinda blase about new splits and stuff I do absolutely celebrate fusions when I can #by gray #because yeah he's here too making his opinion known #by purple #because she ALSO wants to be part of this conversation gksjfnajgsk

[shinylyni]

Someone: Just because you have DID and other mental health problems doesn't mean you're going crazy or that you're insane!

Me, escaping from the 34th dimension from the incomprehensible tendril monsters who're after me for seeking and having forbidden knowledge no mortal should know while my physical body takes a giant swig out of the 19th can of Pepsi I'm having that hour: No but it also doesn't mean I'm not

#by purple #by gray #purple: hey guys gray's opening up his 3rd eye we need to celebrate #gray: please don't I didn't ask for this #personal #ok to rb #lyni rambles #lyni #pyxis rambles #pyxis

[brain--rott]

do you ever laugh with your friends and think oh this is the point. this is the point of everything

#ethan speaks #i cherish my friends #Drew #Gray #friendship #love

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

Everyone wants to talk about how Senshi is a tumblr sexyman but...Senshi is actually attractive. Like even aside from the fact that he's pretty good-looking he's a nice, sweet guy and he can cook and loves doing it. He's a perfectly eligible candidate for marriage, which kind of goes against the spirit of a tumblr sexyman.

Chilchuck, however? Chilchuck is a tumblr sexyman. What the fuck do you people see in him

#i don't hate chilchuck or anything i just have no idea what about him is actually attractive #i'm very confused about this #dungeon meshi #gray posts

[dragoncarrion]

Fucking hate ai bitches this shit is poisoning my search results just like that tumblr baby crow post fuck y'all for real

#shortext #if you dont love her when shes brown and gray fuck you fuck you and die #ai generated #ai art #<- for blacklisting i fucking hate ai 'art'

[the-vegan-muser]

Words cannot express how much I love this bird.

#apolloandfrens #african grey #parrot #bird #birblr #birds #african gray

[sweetlucygray]

sadly the only copy of s10 of thg i found is in the spanish dub but the only thing theyre saying is i love you and i know thats not right so can someone hook me up with their panem plus pleasee

#tbosas #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird #the hunger games #sejanus plinth #thg #hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

[neilgaimanlover123]

The Percy Jackson renaissance and The Hunger Games renaissance happening in the same year is something so special to me

#it’s the 2010s all over again #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #the hunger games #tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird #thg #president snow #josh hutcherson #percy and annabeth #percy pjo #pjo series #pjo tv show

[dcvina-claires]

i am a tragedy enjoyer before i am human

#the raven cycle #noah czerny #richard gansey #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #sejanus plinth #lucy gray baird #the haunting of hill house #nellie crain #olivia crain #the haunting of bly manor #hannah grose #rebecca jessel #yellowjackets #jackie taylor #natalie scatorccio #laura lee #the umbrella academy #ben hargreeves #the gilded wolves #tristan maréchal #idk if he really haunted the narrative but he definitely impacted things! #la casa de papel #tokio lcdp #travis martinez #always forget one 😔

[victoriartdrawings]

#Anidala #paul x chani #Snowbaird #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #Coriolanus Snow #Anakin skywalker #Padme amidala #Lucy gray baird #Chani kynes #Dune #Dune part 2 #Dune spoiler #Timothee chalamet #Zendaya #Dune movie #Star wars #Rots #Tbosas

[reimeichan]

Think systems with a high number of fictional introjects are a new phenomena? Kluft's paper on polyfragmented/extremely complex DID from 1988 includes a patient with LOTR introjects, and another based off of Shakespear's Tempest. Fictional introjects have been a thing for a very long time!

#did #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #osddid #cdd #introject #fictive #did system #actually did #actuallydid #by gray

[greens-spilled-tea]

This is something that's been cooking in my mind for a few weeks now but like. There's this kind of pervasive vibe or feeling I see in a lot of CDD circles which is this thought that CDD alters are somehow more... viable? Real? compared to non-CDD headmates. I actually had an argument with a close friend of mine in regards to this recently, and they felt really offended that I'd imply that my existence as an entity is no more real than a child's imaginary friend, or a paromancer's thoughtform. They argued that you can see alters in brain scans and therefore they're more "real" in that sense.

But... well, I wasn't really talking about that. I mean in a more sort of philosophical standpoint, my sense of self, my identity, and how others see and perceive me, are no more or less real than those who experience other forms of plurality and non-singular existence. Sure an alter may appear in a brain scan, but each person's relationship to what it means to be an alter in a DID system varies widely between "unique identity with their own sense of personhood" to "not a person, but another version of a person seen through a different lens" to anything else. Even for singlets, "self" and "personhood" and "identity" mean different things for different people.

For me, my self and my identity are kind of just illusions (or delusions?) that I cooked up to tell myself who I am and how I interact with the world. I truly don't think that "I" exist, but because I believe I exist to a certain extent then that existence becomes my reality. In the same way, people may believe that a thoughtform, daemon, imaginary friend, headmate, or anything else may actually truly exist for them. And while that isn't my reality, it is theirs. What makes my perspective of myself more real than these other things?

And similarly, the version of me that other people see may also vary widely. One person may not know that I have DID and thus only see "Reimei". Another knows the different alters and will be able to see "Gray" and "Green" and "Purple" as their own entities. Still someone else may know we have DID and not see the alters as separate entities. Still someone else will know me, Gray, as "the one who loves classical music and rambles a lot", while someone else knows me as "a wizard wannabe who's addicted to video games". Which of these versions of me is the real me? None of them and all of them and somewhere in between and also outside of all of that. Reality is different from person to person and I think all of these perspectives of me are real, but also not real. So if that's the case, then why should I care if someone else's headmate is real or not? I simply live in a different reality from them.

I dunno, I just think it's kind of silly to consider who's existence is more real and valid when really all of that is kind of arbitrary and subjective.

#by gray #syscourse #I wanted to put this on our main blog #but green convinced me it's probably too syscoursey #and convinced me to write my thoughts out using his blog instead

[iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid]

my old man dog isn't great at hopping up on the couch anymore but he CAN do it and he will NOT accept help. it's almost adorable except when he just stands in front of me and barks at me to get out of "his" spot so that i'll stop what i'm doing, get up off the couch, and watch as he spends 5 minutes hyping himself up to jump into my newly vacant seat

#the man is 7000 years old and has gotten very entitled because of it #(because of us) #(we barely discipline him anymore) #(how could we) #(you look at his old man grays and try saying no)

[heinous-bitch]

the picrew of dorian gray

#picrew #is this anything #the picture of dorian gray #oscar wilde

[sabsgames]

what makes Snow such a formidable villain within THG universe is that nothing he does was set in stone. there was no sense of inevitability about his actions and his brutality. Snow had enough perspective of poverty, capital cruelty, district hunger and not to mention his own arena experience’ and yet he actively chose at every moment to stray from natural goodness. its even more terrifying in the sense that he had the ability to care. Snow is not a mindless sociopath, he displays feelings to others such as sejanus, lucy grey and tigris but ultimately he will always choose himself. his ability to betray those he cared about in order yo advance himself makes him so much more than the stereotypical villain who is forced into his actions.

#everlark #haymitch abernathy #katniss x peeta #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen #mockingjay #catching fire #the hunger games #josh hutcherson #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird #snowbaird #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #district 12 #sejanus plinth