#drawing this was making me feel existential for some reason

[beatendeadcourier]

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the most normal man in all of paradise.

Originally image:

#my art #bcourierart #pdude #pdude 1 #postal dude fanart #postal fanart #postal #postal dude #postal dude 1 #postal 1997 #postal 1 #hes such a twisted fucking cycle path #rws #running with scissors #sketch #lets be honest this guy would never have a tiktok but if he did everyone would try to take the piss out of him no matter what he did #didnt draw him trench coat i got lazy #drawing this was making me feel existential for some reason #postal redux

[tuliptic]

What Is My Purpose Here On This Land

This is for all, but especially for those with existential crises. We’ve wondered what we are meant to do, do we have a purpose being on this planet, and many more questions continue to feed our brains. 

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: What messages does your weary heart need to hear? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1    -     Pile 2

Pile 3    -     Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever that you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. That aside, I do not consent to my work or here to be used by third parties on this platform or other websites.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck  (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Flower Petals Oracle Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck, self made lyrics deck.

Pile 1: The Rose

A card to represent you: The Chariot

One funny thing when I was shuffling this deck was that this card came out tumbling. It was like.. Upright, reverse, upright again. I’m taking this as a sign. You like taking the wheel. You’ve been through the ups and downs as you journey ahead, sometimes lacking direction, learning self-discipline throughout the process, learning the importance of strength and will, finding balance, and driving to where you are right now. There’s this determination that you’ve gained from past experience, and you’re still driving ahead. A word of advice is to be aware of your own focus level, and to take a rest when you’re tired. The journey of life ahead is long, and it’s always alright to take a break now and then. For some reason, I also feel some of you may be travelling right now, or intend to travel in the future. Make sure to prepare a proper itinerary and have emergency numbers saved! 

1. What is my role here on earth? - The High Priestess

First word I’m picking up is healing. You’re the person who answers to the cries of help, being the Universe’s hands in providing aid to those who pray for it, to be that gentle beauty without losing your thorns. You’re called to be the healing energy, to be the kindness that people need but may or may not deserve. Not to put a burden on you, but you probably tend to be kind and subconsciously heal or watch over those who need your help, even strangers, and even people who do not deserve those kindness. (There’s this nagging behind my head that reminds me of the people in Gotham who did nothing yet yells for help/salvation, instead of fighting and protecting their “loved” ones.)

2. Have I achieved it? - The Fool

You’re only starting on this journey. Or maybe have yet to start on this journey. You probably realised this uhhh ability of yours very recently, or have only decided to really start doing something on it. See, realising this ability/skill doesn’t mean you have to do something about it. You may realise your skill for art but not continue cultivating that skill. It’s the same. You’ve probably stopped all those questions and try to take out that first step to do it. You’re killing your doubt step by step, betting in yourself and trusting in yourself to do something entirely new. (Yes, ITZY’s Bet On Me is playing as I write this.)

3. How to achieve it? - The Sun

There are so many things embodied in this card: brightness, hope, ray of hope, and more to come. What I’m feeling from this is mainly warmth, asking you to just be this Sun, to shine just as you are. It’s gonna sound weird but imagine healing rays? I’m cringing and having a weird face as I type this out. But yeah, just be who you are, to continue doing what you do. Just know that your presence is like a walking energy-purifier, lifting up the spirits even by smiling to strangers or wishing them a good day. You can attempt to try doing something else, for example, being more active in volunteer work in nursing homes and shelters, playing a part in activist activities, or even taking up counselling courses to help people out. These are only some of the many ways that are available. Most importantly is that you do kindness with kindness, not to have any ulterior motives behind them.

4. Why do I need to do it? - Seven of Wands rx

The world is changing, more and more people are experiencing a feeling of defeat and overwhelmingness, including you. All are called to make a change, and this is your part in the pledge to make a change. We have arrived at a time of change, and actions need to be taken. People have been fighting among themselves, you may even have been having conflicting thoughts and contradicting beliefs. Peace has been taken away, and instead of fighting to get back that same peace, it’s time to recreate a new peace that will work for this new world. A new structure is needed, and you’re one of those first few people who are tasked to build things anew again.

5. What can I learn from it? - King of Pentacles rx

What you’ll be learning is not only based on what you’ve experienced, but from what you’ve observed. You saw the fall of those who have been obsessed with earthly riches, those who have been paying attention to the materialistic realm, and have forgotten to nourish their soul and mental energy. The downfall was harsh and painful, reminding you that balance is needed in every aspect. From there, you’re gonna continue spreading kindness, letting the scars of the past be a reminder of what has happened, and how you’re gonna redirect the course of your energy.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Knight of Pentacles rx

Self-discipline will take you to a lot of places, and will also be able to take you to places that you thought you never would’ve reached. This gift of yours, this purpose of your is not to let you be more spiritual, but to be more down to earth. You’re supposed to be the bridge between the spiritual themes with the practical, existing world we’re living in right now.  From this, you’ll also be able to get connected to your roots, your family, your ancestry, even get connected to your race. I hope I do not get into trouble with how I phrase myself here hshshs. But y’know how colonialism has affected a lot of things, like religion and even language. I don’t quite remember where I heard it, but Tagalog or Filipino, languages of the Philippines, have Spanish influence in it. Or how Christianity kinda replaced the other folk religions with how it’s being brought in. So yeah, you’ll need to do the dissection to find out which was the original, which you wanna connect with. You define your own roots, and you take charge of it.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - The Tower

Whilst you dream, you clear your mind of all negativity and your spirit will be refreshed. With that, you’ll charge ahead, doing everything you can until you feel that you’ve changed the world. It sounds really idealistic, but if you need to remember the catastrophic energy that The Tower brings. The change is not gonna be small, and you can’t do it alone. You’ll work ahead, without knowing how long it’ll take. You then make friends on the way, working towards the same goal but with different tasks, slowly but steadily paving and painting a new path. Just like the straw that breaks the camel’s back, your tiniest effort shatters the restrictive and unhelpful rules that were oppressing the people.  That’s what you’re meant to be, that’s what you can achieve. But I need to remind you that this self-fulfilment level differs for everyone. One can feel content by doing small things, while some want the satisfaction that comes with doing great things. They are all valid and powerful acts in their own ways, and no one can deny the effort and effect that comes with it.

Overall energy: The Fool, Ace of Pentacles

Overall, you’re called to take actions to start a new chapter of your life. You’re the main character of your own story, you’re the one who decides how you want to paint your journey. However, whatever that you’re intending to do, remember to not do it alone. A solo trip is fun, but a journey? It’s best to have people joining your cause to support each other. Remember that there are other animals in The Fool, cuz one is  a guide and the other is a guard/support. The energy of rebirth and transformation comes heavily in this pile, and sometimes, it can destroy you in the process. Proceed with caution and with faith. We are praying for you as you travel.

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Pile 2: The Mirror

A card to represent you: The Sun

You attempt to be a person to bring warmth to people around you. The Sun shines warm lights, and that’s something you enjoy as well. But sometimes, when anger gets hold of you, you tend to burn people around you, accidentally or on purpose. You don’t really use the reason “I didn’t mean to”, because if you injure people, you totally mean it. It’s probably due to them crossing your boundaries repeatedly, and you didn’t want to hold back any longer. But still, the card wants to remind you of who you wanted to be. Do not let anger cloud the true you. Let out that anger at the right person, and go back to who you are, the warm and accepting you.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Judgement rx

I don’t really wanna use the word here but you’re called to learn the karmic lessons in the past, may it be the current past or your past lives. There are times that you hold on to your values, yet the world continues to challenge you, which may have made you question what is the meaning of you being here, what do you need to do to get out of this cycle of unfairness. Instead of fighting it, it’s time for you to discard the mask of pride that you’ve been wearing, and accept that unfairness is a part of life that you need to go through. Once there's acceptance, you can build a new structure (structure on how you go through problems, or building up new values or habits, or anything else that can help you). Humility is what you need. And stay away from humiliation. These are two very different things. People taking credit over what you do is… Something you need to be aware of. But. If there are people out there who take credit over what you do yet accuse you of copying or shit like that? Fight.

2. Have I achieved it? - Seven of Pentacles

This is something that will take long to achieve it, but you’re still on the way. You probably have noticed this… Thing? That things have been unfair and that it is too tiring to live, and you’re somehow somewhat struggling through life. Sure, there are times that are fun, but you know that fun does not last long and once it’s time, you continue crashing the waves and pressure life gives you.  You feel like you’ve been doing this forever, and things just don’t seem that they are turning better. Have faith that it will. Belief is a skill that comes with birth, you just need to hold on to it, believing that things will resolve in the end. Which it will. The struggles will become lighter eventually, because hard work and effort pays off.

3. How to achieve it? - The Magician rx

There are some other untapped talents in you, and it’s time for you to unlock them. You need to be able to find them and develop them. It’s not something you can easily access to, but it’s something you’ll need to practise and to get good at, and then to use them wisely. This untapped skill of yours may be something spiritually related, with you standing in between humanity and spirituality. You need to be aware to not fall into people’s traps, and to make sure that you do not manipulate others in the process. I feel that this pile may have some talents or skills in manipulation and deception (either you’re aware or not), but you can choose to not do so. Remember, if you choose to do so, there will be more things that you’ll lose. The Magician talks about alchemy, where you use one thing to exchange for another of equal value. 

4. Why do I need to do it? - Nine of Wands

There’s a resilience that you need to learn, encouraging you to pay attention to your rights, believe in yourself and defend your position or property. It is time to gather your experiences and life lessons, to reflect on what life has shown you. There’s this hint of spirituality that you’re also called to evaluate - to see what it has to offer in your life, to see how you can use this to make it another life lesson/asset of yours. You need to remember that the process of learning can be difficult and challenging, but you can also make it fun, make it lighter. Unlike in school, where you learn without passion (for most people), you are now learning new things because you’re interested in it. So yeah, learn through playing and experimenting, celebrate each growth and resilience you’ve unlocked. I hope I’m making sense here.

5. What can I learn from it? - Four of Cups

I doubt that many who pick this pile are happy with meditation, but this is one thing you’ll be learning. There’s a need to reevaluate yourself, and realigning values within you. I’m having some difficulties in forming my words, because it feels like your pile already knows about this, but in some sense, refuse to do this, refuse to acknowledge this. You’ve probably heard a lot of this kinda talk, where you need to do this and that to achieve that enlightenment. You really didn’t like that, and you still don’t like it.  Yet, this is needed. You need to go through a long while of silence, a time of reflection, to make changes and to be reborn again. It’s difficult, you may cry again and again, because you’ve been in darkness for so long, slowly giving up on whatever ways are out there. Know that it can’t be any darker than this, and it’s also a chance for you to recognise light, and to embrace that light.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Five of Cups rx

You have to accept pain has been crucial in your growth, and walk away from it. It’s time for you to move on, and you’ll find yourself to be more… Accepting? Acceptance is a huge theme in your reading, where you acknowledge that this has happened, and you accept it, and then move on with life. As long as you accept something has happened, that weight will be slowly lifted away from your shoulders. You won’t be able to move when you’ve been crushed by all those unhappiness (or even happiness) that you’ve been holding onto. Focus on wholeness, learn how to take things up and put them down, continue on with the journey of letting go.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - The Hierophant

The Hierophant is often related to religion, and it being paired with spirituality speaks even more so. I’m not saying that achieving enlightenment (don’t mistake it with the Buddhist term, please) IS fulfilling for you, but it is one step to achieve what you wanted - release. Life’s burdens have been pulling this pile down, and what you want the most is release, release from responsibilities; release from fears; release from expectations; release from this endless cycle that has been trapping you. You’ll need to invite in a new thought to be released from what has been tying you down, and it’s time for you to be reborn again.

Overall energy: The Lovers, Eight of Cups

There are times where you need to make decisions between two choices that were offered to you. Oftentimes, you want to pick neither, but life decides it for you anyways. Either paths will lead you to where you’re meant to go, so why not stand still for now and listen to your life? Looking at it may be distracting, as there are a lot of worries and neon lights around. Make a cup of drink, sit down, put on your earphones and play some soft music. You might be able to hear something.  One thing I have to mention is that there’s a heavy Pluto and karmic energy I’m sensing from here. It’s like… A huge circle, a cycle, where things happen again and again. You’ll need time (and a lot of time) to complete this cycle, only then you can break free from there. Some may feel dejected, but do remember that every step you’re taking right now is bringing you closer to the end. The Mirror is also here for you to reflect, to see who you are, and to see who you are Inside.  Make this promise that you’ll be kind to yourself, appreciate each step that you’re taking and celebrate the small wins.

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Pile 3:  The Key

A card to represent you: The World

This pile is giving me a very comforting and secured energy. Paired with this card, those who picked this pile may have completed a project, or have achieved one of their goals in life, or are close to closing an existing project with success. You may also be one of the fixed signs (Aquarius, Taurus, Leo, Scorpio) or have them in your personal planets.  Another thing I’m picking up is that some of you may be looking out for new projects to start when you haven’t reached the end of the current project. Take a step back, do not rush into things quickly. Sure, an end speaks of a new beginning, but you need time to plan a proper project and to recuperate from the exhaustion of the previous project.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Three of Swords rx

I’m seeing more of a guide here. You have been through difficulties in life, and from those, you’ve gained experiences, insights, knowledge and wisdom. With that, you’re tasked to guide the rest who are going through a hard time this round. It’s difficult because kindness isn’t something everyone is equipped with, and for you, especially, you may find it a lil bitter. This is where you challenge yourself to step outside of your comfort zone, to try something that you’ve never thought of, or even detest. But you gotta do it as the path you step on is the road to growth and illumination.

2. Have I achieved it? - Knight of Wands

You're charging towards it, albeit a lil reckless. You do have the passion in it, and you’re more than willing to be the change, even wishing that the change is something that can change the world. You can’t wait to experience the storm and thunder, wanting to feel the same scale of impact.  However, you need to remember that passion can dissipate quickly, like how it started. There might be transits in your life, maybe Mars is transiting one of your personal planets right now, which gives you that impulse of wanting to achieve something. You are in control of your response, but the actions of other people and events are not. Do not be dejected when people reject you, but continue ahead without that recklessness.

3. How to achieve it? - Ten of Swords

You will be able to achieve it by going through defeats. You’re one who learns through actual defeats, the pain, remembering the falls of life through your body and soul. From there, only then you can compile those you’ve learnt and observed into a book, for your own and other’s references. At this phase, you may feel pulled between one path or another, and pushed to make a decision. It can be quite tense, but don’t avoid it. These tense situations build your strength, getting you ready to fly. Do not bend; do not submit defeat, continue ahead to chase after your ideals. Let that resolution and will to be your light.

4. Why do I need to do it? - Two of Wands rx

There’s a fear in you, not knowing what you are meant to achieve. This could be a personal goal for you to focus throughout your lifetime, building yourself up, giving you an unnamed courage to find your inner power. I feel that you may have subconsciously (or maybe consciously) compared yourself to people around you, wondering where in life you are, what you’re meant to do. To counter that, you need to set a personal goal, to have some sort of inner alignment, and figure out what you want to achieve. Do you want to appear as a confidant people turn to? Are you keen on sharing thoughts and experiences to make people’s lives a lil bit easier? Try taking a notebook and writing your goals down, and see what you need to do, or what you should stop doing to achieve that. It’s time that you activate a certain switch in you to be that fire (either to warm or to destroy. It’s up to you).

5. What can I learn from it? - The Hierophant, Ace of Pentacles

I feel that you may be even able to start something, maybe a support group or a club, especially in a religious context. There’s some form of finances involved in it, so yeah, maybe a support group where you guide others, and others guide the others, and let the leaves of the tree expand. Finances will be involved in terms that there are donations coming in, which you may use to assist those who are financially needy.  You’ll be able to accept this new side of yours, and be more willing to reach out your hands because you could physically see how this chain of kindness continues on, holding on more hope that things can actually change for the better.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Judgement

It is time for you to reevaluate your life, what meanings you want to fix to your life. There may be a calling to change your life or open your heart to new possibilities, to new responsibilities or a new field of work. The horn in this card symbolises that there may be a wake-up call from the world around you, telling you that it’s time to stop being in your head, to see the world for who it is, and how you’re supposed to make changes, or answer to those changes. Change can refer to something tangible and immediate, or the whole way one sees life. In fact, you may have already changed without realising it.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - Five of Cups rx

There’s a release from pain and suffering. The pain and suffering does not necessarily mean something physical, but something that’s more on a spiritual level. Y’know how sometimes one can feel… Empty and blank? That. That is actually suffering on a spiritual level, because you have no direction, no guidance, and sometimes that could feel suffocating. Some out there could just go along with life even though they have no idea what to do, and it’s cuz their direction of life is to go along with what the journey has to offer. What you’re doing right now is just standing there and looking blankly to where your eyes are looking, which increases the weight in your chest and legs.  Through this, you’ll be able to find a proper direction and the awakening that comes with it will elevate you. Walking again after you’ve been standing so long will be uncomfortable at first, but take small and steady steps. You’ll find yourself running again soon.

Overall energy: The Star, Four of Swords

This reading talks about hope and rest, and how they come hand in hand. I felt a weight on my chest as I was typing the self-fulfilment part, because of how heavy the desperation and feeling of loss is. Know that The Star is shining a gentle ray of hope, consoling you that things will be better. The Star may not be visible all the time, especially in the daylight. But know that she is always there, and you can hear her whispers in the night, when you think you’re about to fall. Be kind to yourself and share your beauty as well as knowledge with those around you. But remember to take rests as well. You can’t afford to do much when you’re having a burnout. It’s alright to fall, but remember to rest and stand up again. Your passion is your greatest drive, go for it.

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Pile 4: The Word

A card to represent you: The Magician rx

I feel like you’re currently standing in the middle of two different things, two very different and distinct fields (like science vs arts, realism vs spirituality), not knowing where to head to. There’s some sort of pull from both of them and you’re feeling very, very torn.  However, remember that the Magician is someone that has a lot of skills, and has been acting as the bridge between the physical plane and the spiritual realm for a long time. You, also, have the skills to bridge between the various fields/things that are scattered across. As the bridge, you can see the connecting and overlapping points, and you can build out from there. You honour differences and expand.

1. What is my role here on earth? - Two of Swords rx

Your role is to take out the blinds that were covering the people’s eyes, including yours. You are called to stop them from hiding or shying away from the truth, making them see what is the truth, calling them to face reality. For some reason, I feel that you may have not been very liked at home due to this nature. Your parents may think that their reputation or status as parents should not be challenged, but you couldn’t care less about it. What you cared about was that justice and truth be upheld, and you won’t hesitate to rip anyone apart if they tried saying otherwise. This, in turn, has created quite a huge confrontation when you were growing up. But are you stopping there? No. You will continue your role of wake up call, but only once or twice. You’ve understood that there are always people out there who want to run away from the truth, and you’re not gonna waste your effort and time on them.

2. Have I achieved it? - The Chariot rx

You’re currently in a fallback. You took a step back to look at the options available and to reevaluate the situation. You realise that you were having a narrow goal and vision tunnel, which will cost a lot of meaningless sacrifice. You may have thought that it was okay to let your horses run without holding the reins, but now is not the time. You’re now evaluating and weighing the pros and cons, which are the items that you want to invest your time and energy on, finding out where your passion lies. A word of advice: Do not be afraid to try multiple things. Nothing is fixed in stone. Just like you may discover a new favourite dish later, you may also discover a new skill that is useful.

3. How to achieve it? - Page of Cups rx

First of all, you need to kill your doubts and fears. Fear is one main thing that’s stopping you from trying new things in different fields. There are always new things out there waiting for you to try, there are new opportunities that can’t wait to come to you. Being protective of your own energy is important, but you need to get out at times, to talk to people, to learn their ideas and train of thoughts, to see things from their point of view. This way, instead of tearing down the blinds covering their eyes, you’ll be able to verbally convince them to take the blinds down themselves, which is a much gentler way. Be honest and true, even to your fears. Accept them, and they might reward you with something special.

4. Why do I need to do it? - The Fool rx, Knight of Pentacles

I’m seeing some form of heavy responsibility here. You are not tasked to enjoy or to have fun, but to be like a defender, a protector, even a fighter or truth. Unlike The Fool, who goes on new journeys having fun, you are stationed at a place, guarding the gates, making sure those who enter are those who have earned it. This responsibility is not randomly placed on people, but it chooses those who vow to bear witness to the truth. Obligation is a word that’s also relevant here, where you’re also willing to bear this duty. Not sure if you’re doing this because you want the truth to be known or you just wanna spite people by forcing them to look at their wounds. It’s all up to you.

5. What can I learn from it? - Page of Wands

It’s like… A stone egg hatching. You thought that it was a stone, from its rough and hard exterior. But in reality, it’s actually a dragon egg. You learn that miracles happen in various forms, and that one really needs to think of the various possibilities and potentials you hold, even the ones that sound impossible. It’s alright to fail, it’s alright to fall, as long as you continue to climb up and attempt, you’ll be able to see the glory that’s arriving your way. Glory is a huge word but it is what it is. Stop losing focus and get that glory in your hands.

6. How am I supposed to transform from it? - Eight of Pentacles

You can transform into a gem by polishing and honing your skills. If I were to compare and describe, I’d say that you’re a jade as compared to other stones out there. It takes a skilled master to recognize the green under the hard and dusty exterior. Now, you’re that skilled master, and you’re gonna trim and polish the rock to reveal the gentle green in it. It can only be done little by little, and repeating the process until you see that gleam of green. And that’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna polish your skills day by day, night by night. Repetition of the task can sound mundane but that’s needed for you to be able to gain precision. This precision can be used in a lot of places, such as knowing the fine line of breaking the truth harshly or choosing to not say a single thing. Sometimes, people have their pride, and that precision will be able to help you to observe which line to cut, where to stop.

7. What is the self-fulfilment level? - Ten of Swords rx

Through this, I’d say that you’ll be able to let go of the past hurt that you have. There is a lot of anger and pain, especially when you recall how you were treated unfairly. You weren’t in the wrong, but you still get attacked. Now, you’ve learnt how to see things from their side and handle them properly, you’re now able to move on from that anger. It’s difficult, but at least, that chapter of your life is ending. You can close that book, and move on to the second book of your trilogy. Life’s a journey, make the rest of it worthwhile.

Overall energy: The Star, Seven of Cups (Strength hidden behind that keeps wanting to show up)

The Word in this picture is Love. Redirect that love to yourself, allow hope to shine on you, and accept that gleam of hope. Opportunities are coming, but you need to learn how to differentiate them from the illusions or wishful thinkings you’ve made. Fret not, you have the strength, the power to discern them according to your inner code of morale. You have what it takes, so practice courage each day. There’s a new you in the future that’s waiting for you. They seem eager, and prepared to take you onto a new journey, to see the new sceneries that come along with it.

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Thank you for reading!

#tuliptic #🌷 #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #tarot reading #general tarot reading #i'm not sure how to feel about this tbh #it's very conflicting #so i guess it's prolly gonna resonate with a very specific group of people #do drop me asks if you need further clarification on them #i'll do my best to explain them to you #finally gonna get this out so i can focus on something else yeet

[what-the-stories-have-foretold]

My Love, I See My Self in You

Chrollo x reader

Navi.

Warnings: philosophy class has been a while, it´s possible that the following discussion about the self doesn´t make any sense. Or maybe it does. Who am I to say?, existential crisis El superiority, slightly implied yandere/not fully healthy relationship, also there is a reason I spelled it my self/our selves instead of myself and ourselves

Autumn Event.

Wordcount: 1.3k+

Love and passion – the spirited soul. What is the self without emotion? Does it need emotion for a self? Is that why you feel so lonely? Is that why he seems so void? It is a self he lacks, but there are other souls you both possess. You know of his need to eat to live and your throat has been dry more times than you could count. Life, apparently, appends the appetitive soul. While you cannot speak for yourself, you know he has intellect, you know there is a rational soul within him; too often have his arguments disarmed you.

So, what truly makes the self?

You could feel his gaze on you. A shiver went down your spine at his touch, running up your arm for just a sliver of your attention. He smiled when you turned to him.

“There you are. Penny for your thoughts?” he hummed, appreciatively.

You paused, unsure if you wanted to dive into that discussion on an evening as lovely as this one. Sensing your uncertainty, his fingers returned to your arm, drawing goosebumps from your skin.

“What do you think, is the self?” His eyebrows shot up in surprise and he briefly halted his movements. “Because you are rational and possess basic needs and even passion, but - is it really the lack of emotions that makes you so void?”

A chuckle escaped him and he resumed his ministrations, caressing your arm.

“Do you follow Plato´s philosophy?”

You shook your head. “I was merely entertaining the idea.”

“For you? Or for me?” His eyes darkened. You met his gaze head on, smiling sickeningly sweet.

“For you, of course.”

He hummed, but his eyes told you he didn´t believe you. Yet, he carried on:

“Sokrates believed it was the soul that was essence of the human person.”

“But then what is the soul?”

“Part of it being the individual´s intellectuality and morality. He thought it was this that made the personality.” You grimaced. “Is that theory not to your liking, sweetheart?” He let out a soft laugh when you shook your head. “Well, then, it is your turn again. What other theory do you have stored in your pretty little head?”

“I always thought Plato´s three souls are quite similar to Freud´s Es, Ich and Über-Ich," you said, more to yourself than to him.

Chrollo leaned forward, propping himself up on his legs. Still, he could reach your thigh with some of his fingers and couldn´t help but use the opportunity to continue touching you. While you would never admit it out loud, his gentle touch was indeed soothing. The amused gleam in his eyes told you he knew.

“I do – to a certain degree – agree with the tabula rasa; but more so in an-“ you snapped your fingers, trying to find the right words “-in an Existentialist way. Say…Locke´s theory about experiences, at least in part, creating the self.”

“You´re an existentialist?”

“Well, I do think we are shaped – our personality that is – by our experiences as well as the things we are taught – or not taught. Socialisation can either enrich or scar us; we can learn from it, reject it or embrace it. Either way: it makes us…us.”

“Then, in this case, would the “personality” you speak of constitute as a self?”

You pause.

“I – I´m not sure. I guess so, yes? At least partially? When I say “I”, do I mean my self? But that doesn´t really answer the question, does it? Whether I call it soul or self or me…I still don´t know what it means.”

You bit your lips and looked up at him. His eyes were brimming with fascination, he was listening to your every word.

“Maybe you´re all wrong?” he challenged you, oh how he loved to do that. You could feel his hands buzzing from excitement. “Maybe there is no self and all of this is pointless?”

You rolled your eyes.

“None of this is pointless, and you know it.”

“Do I now?” His smile widened.

“You get to pick my brain and I get to voice my thoughts.”

“I do enjoy picking your brain,” he admitted.

You didn´t even entertain the idea of replying to that.

“Anyways. If there is no self then I don´t exist.”

“That´s an interesting thesis.” You rolled your eyes again, but he continued as if nothing happened. “Maybe the self is just the brain?”

“I mean, to an extent that may be true. Plato´s souls can all – to a certain degree – be attributed to the brain. But that in of itself does not disprove the existence of a self. Maybe the self is the brain, perhaps it is within the brain. That doesn´t really matter in this discussion.”

“What about Ryle; "I act therefore I am"?”

“Now we´re back to existentialism.”

“Then what about this,” he leaned back again, eyes locking with yours, “Merleau-Ponty. You cannot view the self objectively. What we believe to know of both the self and the world is based solely on subjective experiences.”

You bit your lips and tapped your foot on the ground, frustrated. Chrollo, however, remained calm, gazing at you with utmost interest, heart thrumming in anticipation to your response.

“I-“ you cut yourself off. While you saw reason in what he proposed, you couldn´t help but feel like there was more to the self than this. “Then…what about...the five skandhas?” you asked, finally meeting his eyes again.

“Oh?”

“The self not only relies on feelings, whether emotional or physical, but also our senses. Mental activities such as thinking are also part of it. Then we have mental states and ideas: that includes prejudices and faith, but also desire, habits – even pride - and many more.

And, of course, there is awareness as well as our form itself – our physical body. I-“ You broke off again, unsure how to continue.

Chrollo hummed, seemingly satisfied with the glimpse he got from your mind. But then again, he was nothing but greedy.

“What about anatman then?”

“I never quite understood the "no self",” you admitted, quietly. “But if it is based solely on the fact that the self is not permanent – simply because we, as humans, are ever changing – I…I don´t think that is a good reason? I do not claim that my self is not subject to change, but that fact does not make it any less of a self? The person I was ten years ago – even just a moment ago – is different to the person I am now. Our selves are different – although they probably have some things in common still. But just how the differences between you and me don´t take away our claim to a self, neither do the differences between the person I am and the person I used to be. We are different people, with different selves.”

Chrollo let out a shaky breath.

“Then, what does this all tell you. Do you have an answer now?”

Sighing, you rubbed your eyes.

“You do have emotions, but they are…sterile,” you started, carefully, ”Only to the outside does it look like you lack a self. You have both physical form and consciousness. You can feel pain, whether it would draw blood or a tear. I have seen you plan the most intricate heists in your mind. I know that you enjoy our little morning ritual and that you believe it to be bad luck to leave without telling me that you love me. I know you have faith in the troupe´s vision and that there is nothing more that you desire than all of our happiness – even at the cost of your own life. You take pride in your knowledge, your experience and your intelligence – but still you can be afraid.” Your voice cracked. “Maybe you seem so void because you don´t know how to define yourself – not even being able to pretend like you do. And maybe,” you added, quietly, “Maybe I´m not lonely, just scared.”

Your eyes searched for comfort in his, but what met your gaze were only his widened, glassy eyes. After a moment, he coughed and drew you into his arms, holding you protectively against his chest and resting his chin on your head.

“We are young, sweetheart, we have all the time in the world to discover our selves." He paused. "And we have each other.”

You closed your eyes, returning his hug.

"Yeah, at least we have each other," you whispered.

#chrollo #chrollo x reader #hxh chrollo #chrollo hunter x hunter #chrollo lucilfer #yandere chrollo #hxh x reader #hxh #hunter x hunter x reader #hunter x hunter #what-the-stories-have-foretold #x gn!reader #autumn event #autumn festival

[siflshonen]

Hi, I love your analyses and your fics! 💕Especially that Eureka Seven AU man ngl it lives in my head and starts playing in my local theaters every other night at 2 AM, but *clears throat* I'm getting off topic lol :D do you have a bakudeku fic/authors rec list?

I'm honored you read the Eureka Seven one!

Good Bakudeku authors... the truth is, there are SO MANY. Just in general, and so many that are really, truly excellent. I have begun consuming more and more fic lately as I feel the itch of the subtext of what's happening in the manga rapidly becoming text and just plain consuming me, but many of the individual stories I've read can be GREAT as a story but perhaps not so great as a canon-faithful representation of Bakudeku - so I'm not entirely sure what kind of Bakudeku you're asking for ("fun and good story" versus "horny vignette" versus "that's totally Katsuki and Izuku.")

Also, like, for several of these authors, their Bakudeku portrayals evolved as the series progressed and we all learned more about these characters and the varnish of what BNHA pretends to be (superhero stock shonen!) peeled off to show what it actually is (The newest generation of something that should never have been domesticated now outgrowing the limits of the modern genre.) This is always good to keep in mind when looking at the dates of each work published.

Um, it's hard to pick just a few, and even harder when there's no specific direction about what TYPE. So here's a scattershot off the top of my head:

Me. My work. Read Mundane Crimes, Public Displays of Affection and I Want What I Don't Deserve. Those actually have some substance to them. The rest are kind of whatever, but you may still find them fun.

Kickass AUs and All-Rounders

chymerical is my favorite author on this list. They can do anything. I care about sports now because of chymerical. There's your fuckin' fadeaway.

young_crone - some are truly Bakudeku and some are just great stories that are using familiar names. Read all of 'em.

SmartiMart - Variant Edition is a sweeping epic and fascinating enough that the Bakudeku isn't actually its primary draw for me. Please also read Where in the World is Marigold? It's not Bakudeku, but I love it. SmartiMart is clever, inventive, and sometimes so much of a romantic that it makes me go, "woah, now! That's a bit much!" but in the best way.

iphido - this author has only one work for bakudeku, and it is worth it.

nicc - bite-sized sweet scenes, though many are very NSFW. Consistently excellent.

pikahlua - Dragonheart. this is your kick in the pants to finish those scenes, Pika.

Romantic Comedies

qodqodqod - Cringe comedy where love always, always, always prevails and bakudeku can't out-stupid their way out of it. Great job of not making the miscommunication, or lack of communication, a bore or overdone past what it needs to be.

heartsinhay - the cringe comedies are named that for a reason.

Darker Stuff

rironomind - apparently published something new earlier this year and I missed it??? DAMN! Existential, experimental, melancholic, high concept, fantastic. Rom's work is mostly in this category because it tends to throw curveballs at the reader. This is the category that just felt the most right by its vibes.

bkdkink - Lemonhead specifically.

Roadtripwithlucifer (read their new stuff too) - horny, but focused and full, full, full of ennui and anger and love and grief. It's the confidence of handling the last four that makes these works shine.

Surveycorpsjean - hit or miss for me personally, but always well done.

majjale - always great work; sometimes hit-or-miss for me personally on the bakudeku.

#bakudeku #fic rec #bakudeku fanfic #bnha #ask #bakudeku fic

[jihopesjoint]

I’m sorry if someone has already asked you this but I just discovered your blog and I have to know what your headcannons are of BTS while high

anon… NO ONE has asked me this yet!!!! and you have my whole entire heart for taking one for the team and doing god’s work. i have treated this ask with the utmost importance and i only hope that i don’t disappoint you. also i'm sorry this took me literally all day LMFAO let me just open this with a blanket statement: the sheer number of bangtan giggles that there would be. i think i would die. anyway. onwards and upwards

namjoon

tbh my boy namjoon already speaks like he is stoned. he is ALWAYS waxing poetic and having an existential crisis, and that would increase tenfold if found holding a blunt. he’s making connections, he’s drawing conclusions. the empty chip bag that he has just devoured is definitely a metaphor for fame and how people take everything they love from you and then there’s nothing left for yourself. he’d sit on that for about five minutes before feeling guilty for thinking such thoughts about HIS army, who always refills his metaphorical chip bag.

seokjin

think of the windshield wiper laughs. OH he would be making the stupidest jokes (yes more than he already does). he gets great pleasure from jokes that make people groan. in seeming direct contrast, our gamer guy would be absolutely COUCHLOCKED. but he’d find that for some reason he just isn’t as angry at failures/deaths as he would be sober. and he thinks, “is THIS peace? have i never known it before this moment?” he didn't think he could get any more go with the flow than he already was. but if you think he’s not paying attention to the room around him, think again. he's making fun of everyone else losing their minds, all with eyes glued to the screen.

yoongi

oh bro. yoongi? he’s already an encyclopedia of useless knowledge, sprinkled with existential dread and hatred of the system. my man is ranting and RAVING about the capitalist machine. he doesn't understand why people have to work themselves to death to survive with no opportunity to enjoy life. he's pissed about the fact that he now benefits so greatly from a system he initially set out to be publicly against. and then he'll go on for 15 minutes about stucco, no transition. he's also hearing the most mundane sounds and recording them on his phone because they'll be perfect samples for a track. and then when he listens back to them the next day, he'll be like "what the absolute fuck was this?"

hobi

hobi for the first 20 minutes of the high is a silent observer. it's a little overwhelming right at the beginning, so he's probably a little in his head. he's just taking everything in. but after he crests the peak, he is loosey goosey. music has never made him want to dance more, and he didn't know that was possible. our boy's taste in music is made for getting stoned to. he's wiggling over to the snacks, wiggling with the snacks in his hand. falling to the floor, shouting with laughter when he sees how absolutely ZOOTED his members are. after he wipes the tears from his eyes, he sees yoongi sampling the sound of the ice maker and immediately goes over to be his ultimate hype man.

jimin

park jimin. my sweet baby. he knows that mama didn’t raise no bitch, so he’s taken extra hits after everyone’s tapped out. his eyes are basically permanently shut. for the life of him he cannot stop giggling. he’s in that every single thing that happens is funny mode. can’t hold himself upright. we’re talking hands on shoulders, we’re talking heads in laps, we’re talking falling to the floor. kim taehyung is the funniest person to exist in his eyes (yes more than normal). usually he cringes at himself speaking affectionately about his members, but all inhibitions are gone. he loves them SO MUCH, and he’s absolutely not going to shut up about it. he’s making grandiose plans for them to never get around to doing together because they’re not actually reasonable.

taehyung

taehyung is also thinking thoughts, putting things together. we're talking about the brain that brought us borahae. of course, for one good realization, you have to have about one hundred terrible ones. think of the highest thought you've ever had, or have ever heard someone else have, and you might have stepped inside the anomaly that is kim taehyung's head. some shit like, "what if birds aren't singing and they're actually screaming because they're afraid of heights?" and of course, jimin is fully ready to take this thought that he accidentally vocalized, turn it into a bit, and beat it into the ground. legend has it they're still figuring this out.

jungkook

on his most productive day, our maknae is operating as head empty, no thoughts. so there's no doubt in my mind that he's staring at the wall. not a damn thing is happening up there, i promise you. he's just realized AGAIN that he has hands, but he has no idea what to do with them. because he's completely unaware of what's going on in the room around him, he's interrupted taehyung and jimin's bit to ask them what he should do about his hand predicament. but while he was trying to get their attention, his hand brushed over one of the blankets on the couch and goddamn is it not the softest thing he's ever felt. so his focus has shifted entirely to feeling this blanket. rinse and repeat.

#that taehyung thought was from a meme i saw ngl #anon thank you so much for trusting me with this question #bts #bts headcanons #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #rm #jin #suga #j hope #jimin #v #jungkook

[lawlietscaramels]

REBIRTH

closed, writing answers

We hit 50 followers. A! Thank you all!!

I picked the title because, well, I'm killing canon to bring it a new life

As promised, here is our event: an ask game where I give canon characters some depth. I'll use the hashtag #death note reborn if you want to look through them all once I've written some! :D

So, pick a character and one of the letters from the list below! I'll run this for about a month? I've never done a writing event before but that seems reasonable :)

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

╾PICK A CHARACTER

Anyone goes except Takada, the members of Near's or Mello's team (Matt is fine), Rem, Ryuk, BB, Ide, Mogi and Ukita. i. do not know them enough.

I'll have the most stuff for L, Light, Misa, Matsuda, Matt, Mello, and Near, but anyone not mentioned above is good to ask for!

you can also ask about my OC Rie :>

╾PICK ONE

A: all my thoughts (everything I think about the character, a mix of the below) | L, Aizawa

B: background rewritten (a version of their past with more and/or different details) | Mello

C: change (how do they change, how have they changed, how do they want to change?) | L

D: darkest secrets (what they keep hidden and why) | Soichiro

E: existential crisis (what about existence scares them?) | Matsuda

F: failure (who/what they're afraid of failing)

G: games (do they play card, board or mind games? are they any good?)

H: headcanon list (my top headcanons) | Mello

I: in-depth psychoanalysis (what it sounds like)

J: job (a different career for them)

K: knight in shining armour (what's their role in the mediaeval au, how their character is different) | Mello

L: lei's death note (my headcanons, but those that are present in my au and go against or contradict canon facts)

M: motivation (what's their motivation? what drives them as a person?)

N: number (I list 1 to 10 and something after each; see Matsu's for examples) | Matsuda

O: older (if they lived for another 20 years, what would they be like?) | Mello

P: personality rewritten (turning them from 2D plot devices to 3D characters with emotions + feelings)

Q: question (ask me a specific question)

R: regrets (what do they regret the most about their choices, would they make different ones?) | Light

S: sexuality and gender headcanons (what. what it sounds like.) | L, Light, Mello

T: terrified (what they're afraid of) | L

U: uncertainty (do they ever doubt themselves or their actions? when? why?)

V: versus (I draw them as close to canon as possible, vs. in my style with my headcanons) | Light

W: worldly desires (what do they want in life that's a bit shallow?) | Matt, L

X: x-ray (what goes through their mind?) | Light

Y: you need a diagnosis (what I'd diagnose them with)

Z: zen (what calms them down + makes them happy) | Mello, L

That's it! Send an ask with a character and a letter! Thank you again for all the love and support, my dear followers 💖

#i hope people participate :) #death note #lei chats #l lawliet #light yagami #misa amane #touta matsuda #mello #matt #near #mihael keehl #mail jeevas #nate river #death note headcanons #writing #dn #event #death note reborn #teru mikami #naomi misora #requests open

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

There’s always been something that bothered me about whenever I try to explain the concept of Hatoful Boyfriend and most people’s immediate reaction is “oh! Like Doki Doki!”. My response is always just “…I guess?” because I could never quite explain why that felt wrong to me but I think I finally can put a finger on it now.

(To be clear, I’ve played and enjoyed both games. They’re both fun - this isn’t a criticism at all! I just think they’re, at their cores, two very different things. Also I don’t spoil anything for either game here beyond the obvious; that is, that these games are not what they seem to be at first glance, which I’m pretty sure most people know going in. If that amount of spoiler still bothers you, then stop reading here and play the games first!!!)

When people compare the two games, I 100% understand where they’re coming from. It’s the same gimmick I suppose: cutesy looking or joke visual novel actually turns out to be a smokescreen to hide the horrors within. But. Like. I feel like that’s where the similarities end.

See, DDLC’s whole point is to be shocking. It’s intended to make you jump and disturb you. It’s primarily a horror game with you, the player, as its focal point, and as a result the characters are only really there to be used by the story. The majority of the characters, with the exception of one, are pretty straightforward and lean heavily on the tropes commonly used in dating sims so the game can later distort them in increasingly horrific ways - with the intent of shocking and scaring you. The characters are more tools to be used to tell the story and create the experience than fully fleshed out people, which I think works out well thematically for DDLC. It’s effective in the sense where the characters aren’t really what draws you in, but rather the premise and the anticipation of getting a good scare out of it, with some existential stuff mixed in there for a pretty cool experience. You came to get scared right? Well that’s what you got.

But Hatoful is very different because its intent is not to shock or scare you necessarily. Hatoful, since its initial development, has been designed to make you care. Hato Moa made the game intending for people to start it because of its ridiculous concept, but then to discover it’s depth along the way. Hatoful doesn’t want to jump scare you. It wants to tell you a story. It delves into horror, that’s true, but the horror is much more psychological and it stems from the character’s actions. It’s a character driven story at its core, and it does this by taking itself seriously. It knows it’s completely absurd and leans into the absurdity, but the character interactions are real, so that when actual plot begins to happen, you’ll wonder when you started getting so attached. The characters twist typical dating sim tropes again, but this time to ask “hey why is this character like this? maybe it’s not so straightforward as you think”. And then the game goes a step further and reveals that there is an actual in-universe reason for its insane setup of “a human girl goes to bird school which is for birds and dates pigeons”. Hatoful is less tongue in cheek and more completely unabashed about it’s ridiculous premise and plays it straight - which in turn makes its serious moments shockingly genuine. That, to me, is why it works. The point is to delve into the characters. The plot is driven by the characters. It’s horrifying at times because the characters will sometimes make or be forced to make horrific choices. It’s not a gimmick. It’s a cohesive story. It’s just asking you to dig into it a little further to get there.

Tldr; DDLC is a cutesy facade and Hatoful is unabashedly absurd. DDLC wants to scare you and Hatoful wants you to care. DDLC uses its characters as tools for the experience while Hatoful’s whole point is the characters.

Editing based off a reblog that made me aware I was not completely fair with DDLC here (again, still trying not to spoil too much): The experience in DDLC is heavily based on its thematic content. When I say “the characters serve the experience” and “it wants to scare you” I don’t mean this shallowly, and I think it can and has been frequently misinterpreted in this way. In DDLC, the horror comes from the situation. In that sense, it’s thematically appropriate that the characters are tools in that way - that’s actually part of it and you are meant to feel bad for them - their situations, issues, and personalities are thematically relevant and sympathetic. I shouldn’t have juxtaposed “to scare you” and “to make you care”; that was far too simplistic a summary to the point where it is inaccurate. They both want you to care - a story only has power if you care about it. But I do still feel strongly that DDLC’s draw is the terrifying situation it impresses on the player, and the self-aware questions it asks (in which characters are put through the existential oppressive wringer to emphasize these themes), while Hatoful primarily relies on you slowly but surely acclimating to the absurdity so it can tell what is simultaneously an off the walls story that is also genuine and believable for the characters you’ve grown to know.

#if you’ve compared them I’m not mad I promise! I totally get why they’re grouped together when you haven’t played them #I just needed to verbalize this for some reason. probably no one will read this lol but oh well I wrote it for me #whether you think these games were successful in what they set out to do will vary according to personal taste #but the point is that they set out to do very different things here #hatoful boyfriend #not tagging as ddlc because this is more about hatoful tbh and about the struggles I have trying to recommend it 😞 #also hi everyone. it’s been awhile. I promise I have bsd stuff too it’s just been really hectic lately #storyrambles

[glitchphotography]

Ok, I’m going to write one last thing about AI Art. This time, with no trolling or sassy memes. So I hope y’all can read it with an open mind.

So there was considerable pushback to my previous post and there were some very valid POVs. To the people who said stuff like “AI is being used unethically and I don’t want to f_ck with it,” Yes! You are right to feel this way and I respect that position. It’s equally valid to say “AI is being used unethically, so I want to explore the limits of this technology and how it affects the world we live in.” and it’s also equally valid to say “AI allows me to concept and source visuals that I can then process into my own artworks.”

But here’s the thing. There is more than one kind of visual art practice and many of them are not existentially threatened by generative image AIs. If anything, the artists who are threatened by this tech are the ones who make a living off of making representational imagery for a number of cultural industries. This in itself is a privileged position that isn’t afforded to most visual artists. Many artists who exhibit and publish around the world don’t get the opportunity to live off of their work, they have to teach or work in adjacent industries to survive. This is especially true for new media artists like myself.

That said. It’s obvious that these generative image AIs are quite adept at simulating visual data. But anyone who has used Midjourney or Dalle2 can attest, there’s so much that these AIs can’t and won’t do. Visual art is not just the mechanical simulation of visual style.

Here’s what generative image AIs can’t do, it can’t create images with a sense of:

Concept

Materiality (Physical or Digital)

Criticality 

Yes, it also can’t create hands and it’s not that great at drawing Black people either. But more importantly, AI can’t imagine what it means to work with materials, whether it’s the scratched up photos of Adrian Piper, or the glitch artifacts of a specific image format. Generative image AIs can’t create conceptual art and it can’t look at or arrange images in a critical way. What I’ve noticed is that many artists (not all ofc) who work on these levels of meaning are not threatened by AI, many of them see it as an interesting tool that they may or may not use. Working with these layers of meaning is what keeps artists ahead of the curve in terms of how these automated technologies are developed.

There were similar hysterics with the advent of photography, and it took many decades for photography to be accepted as an art form. “You just have to push a button,” they’d say. “Photography is going to kill the fine art of painting.” yada yada. Photography certainly didn’t kill painting, if anything, painting was freed from the burden of representation. We wouldn’t have cubism, or suprematism, or abstract expressionism, or pop art without the development of photography. It’s true that many portrait artists lost their gigs with photography, but overall humanity’s creative drive survived and flourished.

(Side note: Generative image AIs are going to eff up photography in many ways, some scary, and I think as a post-photography artist, it’s important to interrogate these dynamics rather than disavow it. But that’s my imperative. Stock photogs and some fashion photogs are going to get screwed, but not photojournalists or documentary photogs as much.)

So yes. Generative image AIs are basically appropriation machines and, as far as appropriation machines go, its like the equivalent of a visual art sausage maker. It averages all the images scraped from the internet into a kind of fast-food aesthetics.

But here’s the rub. Generative image AIs can’t imagine what doesn’t already exist. Every output is the result of averages from existing visual data . AI will never replace an unfettered imagination. This is another reason why the whole NO AI ART movement doesn’t speak for all artists, because many of us are striving create images that haven’t been created before.

But I get it, this is Tumblr, and since the great purge of 2018 the dominant aesthetic has been fandom-based art, which relies on borrowed aesthetics much in the same way that AI does. I think the reality is that many artists who work in this niche are going to get royally f_cked and my heart goes out to them. It won’t be the AIs that do the f_cking, but the IP owners like DisneyMarvel, Sony, Epic Games, Nintendo, etc . They will be the first to use generative image AIs so that they can save money by not hiring artists. This will be especially tragic for the privileged few who went to art school to land industry jobs.

These existential threats to artists are ultimately a question of labor rights as opposed to technology.(UNIONIZE!) Appropriation is literally the engine that drives all art from the beginning of time. Every artistic tradition has grown because of appropriation. Whether it’s blues or classical music, Shakespearean tragedy, renaissance paintings, pop art, conceptual art, hip-hop, you name it, there has been appropriation. The question about whether appropriation is good or not, is a question of where capital is flowing to. Like Rock n Roll is crap because it channeled capital from a Black musical tradition to the hands of white musicians. But hip-hop was great because sampling (a real art form, like AI art) became the basis or a whole new urban Black musical tradition that would bring some capital back, eventually from the sampled sounds of white musicians. Ofc this is a simplistic summary, look at how long it took Biz Markie to get royalties, etc 

So yes, Generative Image AI Services are appropriating art works in ways that are harmful to some artists and these artists should get royalties every time their name is conjured up in a text prompt. But I’m sorry, this doesn’t mean that “artworks are being stolen.” Nothing has been stolen.

What people don’t realize was that many of these image models were created years ago. Data was scraped from the internet on a mass scale and this was all legally sanctioned because of Fair Use Laws that protect researchers who want to scrape data. These datasets, like LAION-5B which itself is based off the Common Crawler dataset, are open source and freely available. They were created for research purposes within research settings and that is totally legitimate. Fair Use Laws are essential to artists and data scraping is one of those things that can be used for good or evil. But the way these AI models were trained was completely legal. What is ethically dubious and f_cked up is how corporations used these legal mechanisms designed to help artists and researchers to create a privatized service product. Again, this is why I say, “you don't hate AI Art, you hate capitalism”

The reality is that an artist can copyright an image, but not a general style. This idea that every artist on ArtStation has some inalienable originality and uniqueness to their work is the result of a hyper-individualistic capitalist ideology that is utterly out of touch with how art has been historically produced. Since the advent of mechanical reproduction, the magical aura of the art work has long been dead. Authenticity and originality are marketing buzzwords and not facts.

These “AI stole my art” arguments are crouched in a deeply regressive view of copyright and intellectual property, because very few artists, if any, would be able to prove in court that an AI plagiarized their works. AIs are sophisticated averaging machines, so the more an artist’s work appears to be copied, the more datapoints of their works and similar works exist in the training model. Proving that AI “steals art works” would also mean dismantling Fair Use Laws, which actually protect artists from predatory corporate IPs. 

Digital remix culture, fan art, hentai, all the things you dearly love and breathe on this Tumblr site would evaporate without Fair Use and it’s hella naive to think that if one of these illustrators actually proves that AI “stole their work,” that Disney and Studio Ghibli and Nintendo won’t come around and say that illustrators are in turn stealing their precious IPs. Copyright laws exist to protect the ruling class. There’s a reason why all us lefty new media artists release works as CC. (Side note: Still waiting to see an artist from the Global South make a “AI steals my arts” argument, so far i’ve only seen US and EU-based artists fret.)

And there is a sad irony in all of this. None of my works were used to train AI even though Tumblr was among the sites that were scraped. (I never used ArtStation or Deviant Art bc they don’t eff with experimental media artists) The reason is that there’s a preference for images that are algorithmically legible. The effed up reality of internet platforms is that algorithms judge your images before distributing them. Glitch art and experimental media arts are usually judged to be low quality content by the instagrams and tumblrs of the world. I had like 200 abstract images flagged during the great purge of 2018 that I appealed and won, because these algorithms don’t have a clue about what is art and what isn't. Everything on ArtStation, stock image websites, are easily legible by nature, and as such, easy to algorithmically appropriate. Artists who know how to create works that are algorithmically illegible will thrive in the post-AI era.

And this leads me to my final point. Many artists, like myself, are drawn to AI for what I call “Liminal Aesthetics.” It’s not about how good the AI can approximate an image, but how bad it is. Many of us are interested in these mal-nourished images. The weird faces and hands, the lack of proportions, the weird shapes, and unexpected textures. The thing though, is that as these generative image AIs get more advanced, the liminal aesthetics are lost. The more these AIs get better at parsing natural language, the more basic and unaesthetic the outputs. So for many artists, this AI moment is temporary. As DALLE2 and MidJourney will ultimately turn into a fancy clip art generator that will replace stock image and stock graphics sites, from iStock to Sketchfab. That’s why I think it’s important to embrace this shit now, because these gorgeous liminalities will soon be a historical artifact.

To conclude, I will say this, and this is very important. The trad art world and their system of values is dying. In the post-digital world of infinite images that aren’t bound by physical scarcity, the rarest and most valuable images are the ones that are remembered, shared, and viralized. If your art is being copied or replicated, even by an AI or a bot, that means that your art is surviving this new era. There are worse fates than having your art copied.

That worst fate is censorship and forgetting.

The image at the top is [ILLUSTRATION #4j2492D] by jonCates, he describes ths AI work as “The Artificially Illustrated Glitch Western Primer for Machine Learnerrs,” and it’s part of a much broader project of creating the first “Glitch Western” based on historical narratives of Black and Chinese people in the West. Most of this project isn’t AI-based imagery, but lovingly crafted video and game art.

Some may not know this, but jonCates was big on Tumblr before the purge of 2018. He’s an og glitch artist and his “Dirty New Media” tumblr was a veritable museum of lewd glitch arts. I remember being so proud when my boo’s glitched bootie ended up on that page. The site was a treasure. Sadly though, Tumblr deleted all record of the Dirty New Media blog as well as jonCates’ tumblr of personal work. All f_cking gone forever. This is the real tragedy of censorship and forgetting. A whole culture lost. 

So why cling to this destructive dynamic because you read a hot take about AI by a privileged artist working in gatekeeping industries? What is copied and appropriated can still live on and we all can do better and fight the power where it resides instead of vilifying other artists. Cheers, shout out to everyone who read all this <3

#ai art #ai art debate #art history #essay #art criticism #ai art is not art #joncates #glitch art

[gildeddlily]

finally re-reading stormbringer, first post of a long list (30 photos limit go die) we stan the flags

I read stormbringer this summer, and it was something (it destroyed me and made Chuuya became my favourite character of all bsd- more than anyone else (like sigma, he's my fav in the decay of angels arc), chuuya solos everyone and you know it shut up)

so, like I did with fifteen I feel the urge to share everything cause yeah we all need to suffer more

1. We Stan The Flags

This always makes me laugh, cause Chuuya's like "yeah, it's probably the shadiest and most dangerous role I could have as a non-executive, what's so important ab it? It's cool guys I'm not better than you all" (imposter syndrome sir)

I love Pianoman. I just- I love the Flags, and I will always fantasize ab a world where they're still alive. and them bullying chuuya is my favourite trope alr.

and i just know that in a no powers au chuuya would have been the kind of teenager to befriends people older than him like ten years age gap, cause people his age just weren't for him (in an healthy way guys)

try to not think ab chuuya's inability to accept gifts and love, and just some of the most powerful men in the mafia being excited ab a silly guy (silly chuuya who's stronger than half of them(gotta write chuuya and iceman first meeting))

the... the fruitiness of this sentence is menacing so I'm gonna- just yk

the au where Chuuya takes Lippman place ad the mafia's contact with the light is so beautiful and sad. and that fic where he takes chuuya on set I'm crying stop it

canon chuuya is so mean. Like not mean, just harsh. a lot of people only sees him as someone who gets mad at Dazai and is a peace of cake with everyone else- like no? he send to hell every person he talks to and goes on with "wanna know the power of gravity" every two seconds. he's just chuuya, gotta accept him as our little mass murder with anger issues that needs to be controlled cause the Mafia boss is afraid he's gonna die if he doesn't <333

and this is so beautiful in a way. he always talks ab killing dazai and dazai doesn't help with that, only giving him more reasons to do so, and same with the flag. anger issues maybe, but is he really angry with dazai and the others? we see him really mad, and it is not a pretty thing to watch- and they all know what mad chuuya really looks like and just know when he's yes angry but not really. everyone is ready to fight, and are relieved when things dont escalate (they love chuuya so much stop please)

they comfort him in a way that is heartwarming. they don't offer him useless words or things like "don't worry you have a past and you're human", they don't beat around the bush. Pianoman's like "hey, we know you don't know if you're human, and I'm gonna be super harsh ab it cause we're in the mafia and all of that but listen kid, here we are ab to solve your existential crisis"

even Iceman, the cold blooded hitman who almost killed chuuya a couple of times and was ab to try it five minutes before this, is fucking smiling. they're so happy to help him it hurts (just know iceman called him kid at least some times. he's the real big brother and I just know it)

yes, this is the first time chuuya has real friends- not kids he has to look after and protect without receiving gratitude but just a "it's the least you can do" attitude, not whatever-the-fuck-is-going-on with dazai, just friends. they spend time sìtogether, they give eachother gifts. they're kind with eachother in the ways the know how

an chuuya doesn't know what to do, cause he has never had this type of relationship with anyone, the "give-receive" mechanism that every relationship should have. he doesn't know what to do, and I need to hug him

and then the gag we needed and something I need to draw (Pianoman definitely is the tired mom. Iceman is the dad cause yeah who other. Chuuya and Albatross the sons, Doc the gay emo cousin (what do you mean you wish to be carried by Adam sir) and Lippman the sassy aunt. just see it)

he kind of is sir (he's fucking sixteen just kill me)

something I love ab him is the fact that he's emotionally constipated but like one of the less serious one. he knows that he can be easy to read since he's very open ab his emotions (even if they understand he could just kill everyone, so), but can be serious in a way a teenager shouldn't be able to. he chooses to be so open with dazai, the flags and the people he cares about. the trust king fr

they all know he's gonna come back (and that he's crying) cause he probably wanted them to, or he would have reacted worse to getting understood so easily

and this is the trope asagiri give us so many times and the best one in the history of tropes. bad scary guys having fun with some other bad scary guys and enjoying their time together like normal people.

...kafka, my love, stop it. you were doing do good

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer #chuuya nakahara #the flags #bsd verlaine #bsd chuuya nakahara #bsd stormbringer #reading things and making too many screenshots #bsd spoilers

[banavalope]

after drawing this, i took long enough trying to draw the second half of it i ended up just taking an entire three steps back to consider a lot of larger details. I now have more details than I know what to do with, so I’m just going to call it Starlore and say its a worldbuilding project at this point.

Worldbuilding is more enjoyable for me than writing a plot with some good legs, and I’m embracing that.

Text in image under the following cut for those who would prefer that.

Starlore: a worldbuilding exercise on the existential horros of creativity by me, Banavalope :) Amadeus, Betty, Ace, and Luz are a species of cosmic star beings best described as anthropomorphic personifications. Their home is called Astropa, which is not so much a planet as it is a cumulative of their nearly-endless realm, the Upside.

Despite the name, there is no way to quantify where in non-euclidean space Upside sits relative to Otherside and the Blanket*. Stars - known for having an exaggerated sense of self-importance - feel confident they’ve got it right.

Inherently, stars have an infinite amount of potential, but some facts can be held as true of the whole species: 1.) They are all sexless.** 2.) All stars have wings.*** 3.) “Unexplainable encounters” could be explained if stars admitted to making mistakes. * Three parts to a complete universe completely unrelated to our own - with the exception of a few copied answers, as to be expected. ** Unless they really want to make the effort, of which many do for any reason at all. *** Having wings is the leading cause of common misconceptions for any species. Often assumed to be an indication of the ability to fly, when they are just as easily an identification of the tendency to fall.

Astropa - the birthplace of ideas Anyone native to the Blanket would find the culture of stars incredibly stressful and incomprehensibly complex, were they to learn about it. This would be a correct observation, as stars seem to think they work well under pressure and go about scheduling it into their day.

An eternity spent in this kind of environment have made stars the only species known to effectively harness the most renewable source of energy across the universe: Validation.

In the ancient times of the Starmakers, validation was manufactured by fulfilling miracles blanketside. This was soon found by Timekeepers to be toxic on the environment, necessitating the regulation of wish granting* through the glory duty system**.

Modern day stars now mass produce validation locally and by natural means to meet high demand.

* Giving stars a whole lot less to feel superior over their peers about, ** and at the expense of longer lines at the Department of Miraculous Verisimilitude.

Elemental Anomalies Lucy’s hair reflects their current state of emotion. It maintains a sunny baseline, but has the widest range of expression compared to their siblings.

Ace breathes fire, losing control over it only when he’s incredibly frustrated. Holding it in makes him smoke.

Betty effects the air around her in a reliably straightforward way, under usual circumstances. In circumstances subjectively unusual, any adjective of air is possible.

Amadeus changes color to reflect the intense moods of others, rather than himself. Unfortunately, as everyone has unique colors they feel in, its not particularly helpful.

A variety of advanced technology can be found on Astropa. Holo’s are a versatile piece, commonly used to translate language when stars are blanketside.

Side Facts Some stars find them useful to have on all the time; Amadeus will use his to display closed captions for anyone not versed in sign language if his hearing aid* is out.

It isn’t necessary for stars to eat - or sleep, for that matter - but they do out of enjoyment.

* Which is not often.

Timekeepers A separate classification of anthropomorphic personification to stars are Timekeepers. They reside on a plane outside of spacetime, unimpressively called Timekeeping Affairs HQ.

The main office is reachable by taking the Timeline out of Astropa; there’s only one, and you can’t miss it.

#starlore #my ocs #bana's dumb art #amadeus #finally embracing the part of me that just likes making a bunch of little guys and a setting #my life has only improved by a friend once saying not everything has to be a thing he was so right it fucking doesnt #there is no tooth fairy there is no queen of england and there is no story #im all wikipedia no plot points

[steamberrystudio]

For the Love of Writing...

“Art is whether or not there is a scream in him wanting to get out in a special way.”

― Chaim Potok

I wanted to post something I typed up a little while ago because I've seen some people grappling with this recently and I just have some...thoughts. And I needed to get them out.

This is long. Please bear with me.

I have a confession to make.

I don't love writing (or drawing). I don't love creating. At least…not all the time.

I love having created. Past tense. 

It's satisfying in a way that's difficult to describe. Creating is not a magical process for me. It's a hard one - a painful one at times. But it leaves me feeling whole. And if I couldn't do it any more I would feel like my existence was irrevocably altered.

Sometimes I worry that we've romanticised the creative process and the act of writing (or drawing) in a way that leaves many creators bereft, struggling to find the magic in what is often a difficult and, more importantly, a very technical process. A process that is satisfying but often not fun or lovely. 

We're so often told we must love what we do. We must have fun and find it fun - if we don't, others won't like our writing either. If we don't, it's because we have some innate quality holding us back. We're doing it wrong.

And there are times when creators can't find that magic they're told they must experience…so they feel empty. Like they must not be a good writer (or artist/creator.)

I know I spent a long time feeling this way until I reconciled with the fact that passion and magic and love and enjoyment make up an infinitesimally small part of the process. And the rest of it is just me muddling through the tedium to try to Make a Thing.

Here is a reality. I don't make art because I love it. I make art because I have to. I don't write because I love it. I write because I need to.

For me, creating is like breathing. It just is. It's something I have to do. A part of who I am on a very existential level. I don't love doing it - at least not all the time. But I still do it and I can't stop.

Others may not feel this same need either. Maybe they just want to do it for some other reason. We're all different; we have different needs, wants, and experiences.

Even though I've been doing this a long time, I admit I also feel a little empty when I hear people saying we must love what we do. That they love it. That enjoyment is critical to making good content. We must have fun. We must be thrilled by the act of creating.

Because that isn't my experience at all.

For me, sometimes, creating is like a war. 

Reaching inside and ripping out ideas and thoughts and parts of myself that don't come easily - then somehow moulding it into something that communicates to other people or connects with them somehow. And it is often a very technical process. Applying style techniques and grammar, creating technical strategies involving bullet lists and outlines, using timers and spreadsheets and word count goals. 

Grinding away until I have a semblance of the image in my head in front of me…but never the exact representation of it.

The act of creating is exhausting and painful and tedious and dull - like a lot of things that are work.

It satisfies some deep place inside me that inexplicably craves that process; a place I've long since learned I can't say no to.

But it's not fun.

Not for me.

I don't do this because I'm deeply in love with creating and find it always fun and wonderful. I do it to satisfy that scream inside because that comes with a sense of fulfilment I can't really get elsewhere.

I don't know what drives other creators to create. I don't know what their journey is like or what their relationship to their craft is like. I know we all experience it differently. Whether we love it or need it. Whether we find the magic in crafting sentences, then editing them into something better or whether we view it as a set of technical skills…

Whether we have fun with it or simply have a scream trying to get out in a special way.

I don't think it matters how we experience creating.

What matters is accepting that whatever your relationship to your craft is, it's yours. It doesn't have to be like mine or like anyone else's. No one gets to tell you how to interface with your craft.

It's okay for you to not have fun with your writing.

It's okay to not have fun creating and to not always be in love with it. Other people can still experience the magic in your work even if you did not experience that magic while creating it.

And whatever way you feel when you create is 100% valid.

That's...really all I wanted to say.

💖💖

#writing rant #writing thoughts #applies to art and other stuff too imo #just wanted to share

[tobiasdrake]

Flashback to when we met Ryo, I presume.

Vivia's hidey-nook is fantastic. Do you think he sleeps in there while he's projecting around town? It still bothers me that he doesn't have any pillows, when his profile clearly states he likes fluffy pillows.

Yakou's got a point, man. You should put the book down and take a nap.

Don't ask Vivia questions unless you want a Vivia answer.

That is a trick question, Yakou. He's trying to pull you deeper into the Vivia Zone.

Okay. Hear me out. That could mean murder. Especially if they land on a pile of bullets.

But it could also mean ghosts. We live in a spooky world. We need to keep ghosts open as an option. Vivia is exactly the kind of person who would run into ghosts on one of his cases. He already runs into a shinigami floating around this office on a regular basis.

That sounds like supernatural phenomena to me. Vivia is the right man for this job.

I mean. Yes. Some places attract jumpers. Especially once a place becomes known as a suicide spot, that becomes somewhat self-fulfilling. People thinking of suicide might do it at The Famous Suicide Spot because everyone knows that's the place you go to commit suicide. Humans are nothing if not ritualistic.

But I still think it's ghosts so you should go check.

Yakou thinks there's a conspiracy to disguise murders as suicides here. I do think that's more plausible than ghosts. But I still think it's ghosts, on the grounds that I want it to be.

I said it before, but I appreciate getting to see what Yakou's like when he's not trying to babysit Yuma. The Master Detectives get to see a completely different side to this man than what came through in most of his interactions with us in the core game.

He has absolutely no problem sending them into the field on dangerous cases. Because he respects their abilities. A respect that is well-founded.

Vivia is something of an enigma. He's a Master Detective who has no interest in solving cases. In fact, he's philosophically opposed to the pursuit of truth. So. What is he doing here?

He's like an anti-war military sergeant. Or a surgeon who detests the sight of blood.

Even Vivia doesn't know what he's doing here. He was so unnerved by the question that he wound up going for existential walkies.

I'm just. Trying to imagine what happened between these moments.

Yakou: Didn't you come here to solve mysteries? Vivia: I... huh.... Yakou: Vivia? Vivia: *climbs out of the fireplace* Why... Why did I come here...? Yakou: To... help me with these cold cases? Vivia: *wanders out the door* What reason... could I have had...? Yakou: Hey! The casefile's over here! Vivia: *climbing the ladder out of the sub* If it's not to find the truth then what purpose is there? Yakou: HEY! COME ON! ...if you're going out, at least pick up meat buns on the way back! Vivia: *closes the door on the way out* Yakou: Man, I cannot get a read on that guy.

That driver did not see her. I'm pretty sure his truck passed right through her too. So I'm feeling confident about pegging her as a ghost.

It seems likely that if a spirit is drawing people to their deaths, she'd be the one. She may even be that first person that jumped. The catalyst for all the suicides.

But I don't know. It doesn't fit her personality. She was talking about how much she cares for the intrinsic value of life, right? It's hard to believe she'd kill people when she talks like that.

Fire up the shipping engines! He said the thing! That makes it a ship!

Please, Vivia. Try not to fall in love with the suicide spot.

I know I made that crack about shipping it but honestly I think Vivia/Suicide Building is more plausible than Vivia/Ryo.

#master detective archives: rain code #drake plays rain code #vivia twilight

[pangolin-404]

hey ...... the wip snippet . i know i already requested one but what if i did another. imagine

Ultrakill | The Kamen Rider Crossover Nobody Asked For <- this one :3

[ask game] :3 woag

ohhh hhough this one . skeleton in my closet that rattles at me menacingly from time to time. there is a high likelihood this one will either never see written completion in a way I see fit, or I will try to draw something for it, because this is one of those ideas that is just. lurking in the back of my brain always but it's never a full beginning-middle-end plot. I think it deserves to be Seen, Eventually

very very little is written in the actual doc and what is written is probably going to be deleted and rewritten. need to find a balance between worldbuilding and actual story because it's from Gabriel's POV and that has weird holier-than-thou bureaucracy. BUT the jist is:

the Council serves as a very powerful organization that carefully picks and chooses who can be a Kamen Rider. it is treated as a highly esteemed position, and Gabriel is expected to never leave his Rider form (though it can exhaust him because they're. not convenient in daily life,) and always be ready to get sent out to deal with crime or patrolling. his identity is stripped from him, and he is not considered a person beyond a Kamen Rider, a vigilante-ish figure who does what he's told without question, a weapon.

V1 and V2 are artificial Kamen Riders built to surpass the power of the Council. I haven't fully settled on who made them, likely human scientists (could add a healthy flavor of robot-war-is-threatening-to-happen in this setting here). V1 is an escapee that was meant to be scrapped because it could not be controlled, and springs around causing mayhem. V2 was either released to destroy V1, or escaped also, although for budding-self-awareness reasons and not kill-all-humans reasons. V2 here is a lot pettier than canon V2 because its predecessor is pretty openly running around and it has self-esteem issues because instead of being too murderous, it's not murderous enough.

Gabriel is sent to destroy the weird threat skittering around, attacking not just humans and Council staff ("angels" are just,, lower-leveled Riders I suppose) but machines that it SHOULD share a common goal with, but it does not care who gets in the way of its bullets. He doesn't realize V1 is a machine and has a crisis about that, and he didn't know V2 existed until it shot in from nowhere to attack V1. overall Gabriel is having a terrible time questioning what it means to be a Kamen Rider etc etc. he has his little gay awakening when V1 beats him in a fight

Mirage is canon. I don't know HOW Mirage would be canon. maybe a hologram or an evil V1 that just. ended up an existential young woman. but she is canon. vital information

I feel like I need to do more tinkering with the setting, what role the prime souls and the ferryman might play, and make a nice and tidy checklist for plotpoints . the kamen rider formula was not built for being written out. this has been in my brain for a year so someday it will be real or else I think I will be cursed

bonus year-old discord WIPs that may or may not be familiar (looking at these is killing me, ). the only reason I am showing these is because the files are now lost so if I ever had to touch the OG comic idea again I'd be doing it from scratch so these might as well see some glimmer of daylight

#thoughts #asks #🥚 #ask game #one of those stories that would appeal to 6 people max #but by god I think it's a good one #kr zero-one save me kr zero-one #the only two series I've watched is ex-aid and most of zero-one so that's where All of my kr knowledge is from

[lost-girl-2021]

Definitely want to hear more HC!

Here's some random notes I had about Spider & co. in my Days Into Decades fic :)

Spider eats the weirdest combinations of food. He had to make a lot of his own food and never had anyone tell him he couldn't put ketchup on his pizza, so he tried all sorts of gross shit. Jelly on ice cream? Surprisingly delicious. Cheeze whiz smooshed between two crackers? Yum. His friends have valiantly tried to stop the madness, but he just tries to force-feed them his concoctions as a result. All of the adults are reasonably disgusted by this, but I feel like Quaritch and Jake would both try to one-up the other by trying the grossest things Spider can come up with, after hearing that the other tried it. ("Sully ate whipped cream on a slice of tomato? Fuck it, give me one.") Spider one-hundo percent uses this to his advantage.

Spider and Lo'ak get stoned every once in a while. The latter doesn't really smoke often because he's in sports and his girlfriend doesn't really like the smell, but his and Spider's drug dealer is Kiri. Kiri is all about communing with nature and sees no problem with relaxing with Eywa's creations. She's not really a drug dealer, but she supplies the boys with stuff in exchange for random tasks (Spider once had to be a model for her art club).

Neteyam does not smoke. He tried once, got way too paranoid and ended up sitting in his closest for four hours. He does however, like to record the others when their high, because it's extremely entertaining. Kiri says the most out of pocket shit, like existential questions, then tries to count all of the pieces of wood in the floor. Lo'ak usually just sinks into a bean bag with a bag of chips and relaxes. Spider either gets really zoned in on stuff and doesn't talk for hours or will not shut up.

The Sully's have entire albums dedicated to each child, but also have albums from each year, sometimes more than one depending on how interesting things get. Because of the sheer number of photographs they have, there are also a lot of pictures of Spider scattered throughout. Somewhere in the chaos, Jake has a picture of Neteyam and Spider grinning, both missing a tooth after a badly timed hug when they were four.

Jake and Neytiri have a lot of kids. Sometimes, especially as kids, Spider just got tossed in the mix and they didn't even notice. When they were really young, Kiri, Lo'ak, and Neteyam slept in a pile on their parent's bed everyday for naptime. More often than not, Spider would end up in the tangle of limbs, snoring away. Even as they got older and had sleepovers, they'd end up on top of each other in their sleep. Spider always slept best on those nights, even when they would camp out on the living room floor and stay up as long as they could.

Spider thinks he's the most intimidating person ever. Like, all of his friends are taller and stronger than him. He looks young for his age, often mistaken for a freshman at school. But, he dresses in baggy clothes and ripped jeans, even has a wallet chain. He skateboards and draws on his beat-to-shit converse in sharpie. He frowns at people and sometimes even colors his nails in black marker. Because, he's a degenerate, okay? But, in reality, most people just think he looks like a kid playing dress-up. Like, old ladies see him at the grocery store and go oh, what a nice young man, doing the shopping for his parents. He thinks they're talking about how scary he looks, but really they think he's thirteen and such a cutie-pie. He is not observant, guys.

He constantly misplaced his inhaler as a kid. As a result, the Sully's (specifically doomsday prepper Jake and his apprentice, Neteyam) have inhalers all over. Neteyam keeps one in the glove compartment and another in his backpack. Jake has like, four of them scattered around the house just in case and asks Spider if he has his nearly every day when he drops him off at school. When Quaritch eventually gets custody, he'd totally buy like ten of them. One in the car, one in the kitchen, the bathroom, his bedroom, Spider's desk drawer. And he totally makes Spider physically show him the inhaler every time he goes to leave the house. Everyone is paranoid as shit about it and Spider takes this as nobody trusting him to be able to remember something so simple (even though my boy is forgetful af)

Spider has (undiagnosed) ADHD. Like, he cannot focus in school most of the time, even when he likes the class. He usually copies notes from someone and tries to go over it all again after school. He forgets stuff all the time, constantly losing his phone (it's usually in his jacket pocket and he just forgot to take it out when he got home). He likes being outside a lot, so he can burn off some of the energy when everything becomes too much.

This is all I have atm, but a lot of it won't be in the fic, so I thought I'd put it on here.

#atwow #atwow spider #atwow fanfiction #spider avatar #avatar #avatar fanfiction #avatar way of water

[thevagabondexpress]

reasons for a character to be angsty *other than* "abusive/deadbeat parents," "was bullied/assaulted," "queer and living with homophobic parents," or "someone died"

okay. hear me out. maybe it's just me but i'm tired of seeing the very heavy, triggering backstories listed above used to create brooding darkness within a character. now, that's not to say you can't use those. i've seen a couple authors use them and handle them very well. but i feel like they've been overused and, for the majority, not handled particularly well most of the time. hence, i've created a list of alternative reasons for your fictional charater to be a 'lil angsty without that weight of trauma that could be fumbled easily if not handled carefully. feel free to use these and share this around, that's what it's there for. feel free also to provide suggestions in the comments and i'll add them to the list.

∘ time period specific generation z angst: "the planet is turning into a pressure cooker, everything is on fire, democracy is crumbling like a dry pound cake, and nobody who has any power is doing anything because they only care about making money."

∘ habitual insomniac who just can't f***ing get their sleep schedule together. they're snarky and brooding because they're so. f***ing. tired.

∘ eldest sibling angst.

∘ middle sibling angst.

∘ youngest sibling angst.

∘ existential gender/sexuality/educational/career/faith/insert here crisis

∘ crisis of desired vs. perceived identity: "I want people to see me this way but all they ever see is this."

∘ they have a goal. they're really motivated. they're trying hard and they know they're good at what they do. but for some reason either they face consistent roadblocks from other people, or other people just refuse to acknowledge it.

∘ wanting something they can't have, but not in a whiny "he's so hot and I want to go out with him but he won't look at me" sort of way. no, as in, "I want to go visit my family in [insert country] but I don't have the time or money to go and I haven't seen my cousin in years she must be walking and drawing on the walls by now."

∘ unhealthy workaholic with a deep dark secret: that research project, etc. they've been obsessing and staying up late over and pushing everyone away for . . .

∘ sympathy angst: character has a friend/relative that cannot or will not acknowledge the emotions they ought to be feeling, so this character starts feeling the emotions for them

∘ character is caring for someone who is injured/ill (they don't even have to be dying, or in critical condition) and it's taking a toll

∘ character has been in one profession for a long time. now they've quit, moved on, and are doing something else. maybe they've retired. but they miss their old job, plus they find themselves falling back into the old habits. they worked that job so long they don't know how to be anything else.

∘ generational gothic: the character has uncovered a long-buried secret. maybe about their family. maybe about their place of work. maybe about their hometown, or the house they bought. whatever it is, everyone else seems to have forgotten it, and moved on. but they know. and they must cope with the burden of this aged secret thrown over their shoulders.

∘ performative angst: character is really into one of the fine arts. or building cars. or a martial art. or history. or science. whatever. point is, they develop angst deliberately as a performative state because they think it sounds cool.

∘ something the character has always believed to be a concrete fact turns out to be just another terrible fiction.

∘ character discovers a truth about themselves they had not previously realized. now they must analyze it, and come to terms with it. ∘ career-based moral/ethical angst: I do what I have to do because it's necessary and important (or because it's what i've always known, or both). but is it really good, or right? could there be a better way?

∘ time-period specific 1960's system-directed anger, whether that's to do with the civil rights movement or the war or both.

∘ character has moved to a new place. now, they must adjust to new societal expectations and customs, and possibly new food and culture as well. they feel strange and out of place, and miss their homeland.

∘ the character recently ended a relationship (romantic or otherwise) that was no longer functioning. they're the person who ended it, because they could see that things weren't working out anymore, but they're also very aware that the "it's not working out" went both ways and is much their fault as their friend/partner's. hence, they've gone and convinced themself that they were the bad guy, even though they really weren't.

∘ character had a massive falling out with a beloved friend or relative and now the two can't get along. they can barely be in the same room and it's dragging on the both of them and everyone around them.

#character creation #characterization #trope alternatives #writer thoughts and answers #a little pinch of writing advice

[crispy-ghee]

Is this work of Bird and Johnson ever going to be collected into a GN? (If so I'd buy the hell out of it.)

That's super kind of you, and I'm glad for the interest! But almost definitely not, unfortunately. It feels a little wrong to make and sell something of Magic and Larry without their approval (and yeah I know that lots of people do it in other little ways, but a GN seems a little different than like...a tshirt run, idk). Also the idea of them possibly even perceiving me is horrifying for some reason. Makes me existential. Not that either would give a shit (esp not Larry of all people) but still.

Besides, the comic gets a little less sequential and complete after a little bit. I'm focusing in a little harder during the WIT days bc no one ever talks about that, but even then, it'll feel like I'm skipping over pages not too much further in, like someone took their favorite sports manga and only scanned in the parts that they liked. So, for example, you'll see moments from games, but not the entire things.

Bc that's kind of the concept of the project, it's a "fake" sports comic about two heated rivals, and I'm showing the bits I want to show (mostly character moments) and omiting the bits I don't want to. Just like someone posting about their favorite comic on Tumblr and only showing the bits they really care about.

You really start to see it during their NCAA match up, and then once it hits their NBA days, I'm in full "pick and choose" mode. I'm not drawing out the whole 1984 final. I'll spend more pages of Magic and Larry ruminating on feelings like "I hate when people compare me to this guy, but I also can't stop myself from comparing myself to him, I need him there, like a crutch," than I will on them actually battling it out from play to play. You'll get more about the making of their converse commercial in 1985 than you will the championship that happened that same year haha

So it wouldn't really work as a graphic novel anyway. This is a free time passion project that I'm doing between the full time concept art work I do, a super indulgent thing I'm doing as I go through some rough times, so I'm okay with it just being something I put online that makes me (and maybe a few other people) happy.

But again, really appreciate the interest! I love the story of Bird and Magic's rivalry and friendship dearly. I just want more people to learn and love it too.