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#don't perceive me i don't know what is happening in my head
lingeringscars · 1 year
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made my brain go brr for a second thinking about mal & nikolai
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earthtooz · 8 months
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x : NOT JEALOUS ! :*+゚
in which: alhaitham isn't jealous, he doesn't get jealous, so what is this suffocating feeling in his chest that only happens when you're talking to another man that isn't him?
warnings: 5.4k words, jealous!alhaitham x gn!reader who has loads of rizz, university!au, fluff with angst but happy ending, pining!alhaitham who doesn't realise that he loves you, kaveh is there, mention of cyno, ooc at some bits?, swearing, alhaitham is a little bit of an asshole at some parts sawry. he's bad with feelings.
a/n: inspired by @danijaci's jealous jealous boy comic with alhaitham! hi dani if you're reading this pls don't perceive me... hides... but i hope you all like it :,)
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Alhaitham isn’t jealous. 
The uncomfortable feeling obstructing itself in his throat is just because he’s beginning to develop a sore throat- that’s all. It is flu season after all, who knows what kind of bacteria are in the air? Ones capable of lathing an uncomfortable oil that burns inside his chest, the smog crowding its way into his heart, sickening him to his core as Alhaitham can’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation happening beside him.
“I’m free friday,” a voice besides you confirms.
“Okay!” you cheer, sounding a little too happy for Alhaitham’s liking. After all, it’s 9 am, who has this much energy in the morning? “lets do Friday then!”
“Sounds good, I’ll see you then. Bye Y/n.”
“Bye, see you!” Alhaitham watches from the corner of his eye as you wave to the random stranger you’ve decided to associate yourself with before finally taking the seat beside him with a sigh. 
He doesn’t say anything to you, feeling your eyes glance at him expectantly as he stares stubbornly at the lecture board instead of acknowledging you or the jumble of feelings clogging up his diaphragm. 
“Hello, you,” You lean over slightly, careful to not invade his personal space whilst waving at him, hoping to catch his attention. He glances at you, nodding in greeting before returning to his book, the pages and rows of words only fuelling his unease he suddenly felt. He doesn’t even know where he left off, the book’s events a blur in Alhaitham’s mind.
How bothersome. What’s happening to him?
“Talkative today, aren’t you?” Your tone is playful despite his cold attitude and Alhaitham sneaks another look in your direction, noting the way your lips curve upwards. “So, how are you?” 
“I’m fine,” he murmurs, inserting a bookmark between the pages before slamming it shut, an indicator that you could keep conversing with him.
“Cool.” You tap your nails on the desks of the lecture hall. “Oh, I finished my essay the other day.”
“The one for your elective?”
You hum in agreement, “I hope I never get it back. Submitted it ten minutes before the due date.”
“You know you wouldn’t have been stressed over it if you just started it earlier-”
“I know, I know,” you huff, “spare your productivity lectures for another time, I’ll be needing them later in the semester.” The grey-haired shakes his head as you laugh, but his gaze returns to the front cover of his book as he solemnly thinks about the interaction you had with another man, right in front of him. 
(What right did he have to see you smiling so earnestly like that?)
“Who was that?” Alhaitham coughs out, barely choking down his pride in time to make space for the question.
You murmur some guy’s name that he doesn’t bother to remember. “He’s a friend of mine in the same discussion group for this course and we decided to do the assignment together. He bumped into me on the way in so we were just planning when to meet to do the research.”
“Oh.” Your answer doesn’t calm the churning in Alhaitham’s gut. Not even one bit, in fact, it makes it worse. 
But it’s not jealousy, Alhaitham doesn’t get jealous because he’s above petty feelings of inadequacy. He’s merely concerned for you, worried for your brainpower by the end of the project because your partner seems less-than-incompetent. If you’d picked someone like Alhaitham (or better yet, just picked Alhaitham), you would’ve aced the class without even blinking an eye. 
(The two of you are friends, so why didn’t you pick him? It’s literally been proven that the two of you are compatible working together since you were both executives of Sumeru’s Cultural Society, and amidst all of the activities the club has run, you’ve collaborated many times to make each event run flawlessly. So why not him? Why would you pick another man over him?)
“You know you could have picked me, I wouldn’t mind working on the assignment with you,” he grumbles, words soft but very clear.
Alhaitham misses the way your eyes widen in shock as apologies scramble out of your mouth. “I’m sorry! I automatically assumed that you wanted to work on it by yourself. Next time I’ll ask you.” 
The lecture begins before he could say anything in return and like a robot, he sets his thoughts aside and begins listening, notes document up and cursor blinking at the ready.
A mundane two hours pass by, one powerpoint slide after powerpoint slide before the lecture is finally over, much to your pleasure. Alhaitham notices the way you eagerly jump out of your seat to stretch, grabbing your bag. On the other hand, your grey-haired accomplice takes his time in packing up, forcing you to wait for him.
“Would you like to get some coffee before the meeting?” You ask.
“Sure, we can find a seat there and join it together,” he adds and you beam at him, expression bright and so enchanting that it makes him forget about all the perplexities he felt before the lecture. 
The two of you make your way to one of the many campus cafés where you practically wrestled Alhaitham to stop him from paying for both your orders (losing in the end) before sitting at a booth, your laptop set up with a pair of Alhaitham’s earphones shared between you. The meeting begins to fill up with almost all committee members, even Kaveh, who resides in his room of his and Alhaitham’s shared flat. Upon noticing him, you go to text him, with the grey-haired peeking over your shoulder from time to time to see your conversation- not that he cares that much.
(Perhaps if Kaveh glanced up from his phone, then he’d see how close Alhaitham had gotten with you, breaching the distance that he prefers to keep around others. He’d also notice the headphone sharing despite how he generally tends to keep them out of anyone else’s hands.)
You’re tasked with the role of taking notes for the meeting since Alhaitham, in your opinion, is not at all a reliable scribe. His notes tend to just include vital information and never what everyone else needs to know, yet each time you scold him for it, his unbothered expression never falters, waving your complaints off with a shrug. 
“Hey, Kaveh and I are going to go for lunch tomorrow after our classes. Care to join?” You ask, smiling at him hopefully as your messages with Kaveh sit open on your screen. Alhaitham doesn’t think twice before agreeing. 
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
“It looks like it’s about to rain,” you murmur, pulling out a chair as Alhaitham and Kaveh take their seats opposite you. 
“So it does,” Alhaitham notes, not caring to look too long out the window before returning his gaze to you. “You have an umbrella, right?”
“I, uh, didn’t think I needed one today.”
“Do you not check the weather before you leave?”
“Not everyone’s like you, Alhaitham.” Kaveh teases. “It’s no problem, Y/n, if it rains I can walk you back to your dorm.”
“Only if you are okay with it,” you insist, “I have no problem walking home in the rain. I love the rain.”
Alhaitham intervenes with a raise of his hand. “Nonsense, you’ll catch a cold. We’ll walk you home.”
A soft but genuine ‘thank you’ slips from your lips, neither of you wiser to the way Kaveh eyes his roommate suspiciously, not missing the use of ‘we’ in his sentence and the implications the collective pronoun has. For it meant that Alhaitham is willing to take precious time out of his day to perform an act for someone that he is not indebted to do. Not that Alhaitham is inherently selfish, per se, but he is a man of routine. He wakes up every morning and takes five minutes to scribble on his stupid whiteboard in the kitchen what he has to do for the day and strictly abides by it, not even straying two minutes off schedule.
Willingly volunteering his minutes? Kaveh finds that suspicious. 
“So, how’s your architecture assignment, Kaveh?” You ask, breaking the blond from his daze whilst Alhaitham pours glasses of water for the table, starting with your cup. 
“A nightmare,” he sighs, sinking into his chair. “I still have so much to do, you know my professor didn’t like my blueprint? How ridiculous! I hope that man steps in a puddle and wets his sock.”
The grey-haired pipes up with a remark. “I can’t wait for it to be done, our living room is a mess right now.” 
“Hey, I am the one that cleans that living room, thank you very much. Your bookshelf is still a mess even though I’ve asked you to clean it five times.”
“If it bothers you so much then why don’t you do it yourself?”
“I’m the only one who-”
“-I’m going to go to the bathroom,” you murmur, cutting the conversation before shuffling out of your chair, seemingly eager to do so.
Kaveh turns to the grey-haired again, “and you just scared away Y/n.”
“Sorry no one wants to hear about your architecture project.”
“Y/n literally asked, asshole.”
A rebuttal sits on the tip of Alhaitham’s tongue- as it always does when it comes to bickering with his roommate, but it dies out when an intruder comes to the table. “Excuse me, I hate to interrupt,” he begins, “but the person who just got up, is that your friend?”
“Yeah, why do you ask?”
“Oh, I just wanted to drop this off, mind passing it over for me?” The piece of paper he was holding lands in Kaveh’s hand. “Thanks, bro.” Is all he says before strolling away, out of sight but definitely not out of mind.
The blond does not hesitate to open it up, chuckling in amusement when reading the content. “’Hey you’re cute, here’s my number’ it says. What a bitch! You didn’t like his vibes either, right, Alhaitham?”
“Hold on, what does the note say?”
Grabbing (snatching) it from Kaveh, the grey-haired has half a mind to rip the note apart, a certain sense of distaste washing over him that intensifies the long he stares at the guy’s handwriting. His eye is twitching. Why is his eye twitching?
“Hey!” He hears Kaveh call. “Don’t scrunch it, that’s Y/n’s-“
Alhaitham stuffs the ball of paper into his bag where he’ll recycle it later even though something irrational within him tells him to burn it. “Y/n won’t miss it. You said it yourself, he’s a bitch.”
“Sure, but why are you doing-“
“Hey!” You interrupt, sliding back into your chair with a grin on your face. “So, what did I miss?”
“Nothing,” the grey-haired murmurs, assuming his crossed-arm position. Kaveh side eyes his roommate before agreeing with a hum. “Let’s order something now. We want to beat the rain, right?”
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
This meeting for the Sumeru Society might have been one of the most important ones of the year thus far, with almost every committee member expected to attend. After all, the annual ball was a big event that always had the largest turnout, and the amount of planning that goes into it to ensure its success is almost triple that of its other events.
So why weren’t you here?
“Why did you leave the meeting early on Friday?” Alhaitham asks as soon as he sees you.
You pause briefly, eyes widening and eyebrows raising. It must have been the way that Alhaitham’s voice raised a pitch towards the end of the question, demonstrating a nervous break in character that was not at all typical. Cool and collected would be the defining words to describe Alhaitham, as well as someone who does not care for the menial activities of others, so what is he doing asking you? And why does he care so much?
“I, uh, had dinner with someone,” you confess, continuing to grab your books and laptop, missing the way his features contort into something un-cool, and very un-Alhaitham.
“Whom?”
You murmur the name of some other guy, who he vaguely recalls to be your project partner.
“What?” Alhaitham snaps.
“I didn’t think missing out on some of the meeting would be a big deal! I got another committee member to explain what I missed,” you justified. “Besides, there’s no big events going on right now, so I thought-”
“-That you could abandon your tasks and go have fun with someone else?”
Alhaitham’s not really sure why he said that. He’s not angry that you skipped a meeting; there are larger things in the world to worry about, he’s angry because you spent time with another guy that wasn’t him.Why not go to dinner with him instead? He spends it every night with Kaveh, and you are far more favourable than Kaveh.  
“Is it really something to get mad over? I already told you, I got the meeting notes and everything-”
“-You’re an executive of the society, Y/n, more is expected from you.���
“Seriously?” you ask, “how come you didn’t bat an eye when the vice president wasn’t there the other day?”
“Because she was sick.” 
“Okay, fine! what about the subcommittee? they’re not always there either!” 
“They’re subcom. Whether they miss a meeting or not is not crucial.”
“So, it’s just my business that you care about?” You ask, eyebrows furrowed, disbelief clouding over your expression like a mask.
Again, Alhaitham doesn’t know where these punches are coming from and why he’s throwing them against you so viciously, but his heart is tightening defensively with a burning emotion that he’s been feeling more and more recently, and his first instinct is to lash out, to protect himself from it.
Perhaps it’s because foreign things that he can’t understand terrify him and you, all you ever do is make him feel things that he’s never felt before and he can’t understand why. 
“You’re not that special.”
A flash of hurt gleams in your eyes and Alhaitham knows now that he’s royally fucked up. “You’re an ass,” you grumble, about to walk away when he intercepts.
“Listen to me!”
“Fuck off!” 
“Y/n-”
You’re gone before he can get another word out, retreating figure stomping away whilst his chest weaves into knots; something that no amount of deep breathing can calm. It doesn’t help that the minute he returns home, Kaveh is onto him like some sort of parasite, curious over the tense air surrounding his normally-composed roommate. 
“Hey, welcome home- whoa, what’s gotten into you?” The blond asks.
“None of your business,” Alhaitham grumbles through gritted teeth, taking his shoes off and throwing them aside haphazardly. Kaveh doesn’t miss the way Alhaitham’s jaw is clenched, or the strain in his hand when he brings up a hand to run through his hair, or the very subtle and minute twitch in his cheek.
The blond ignores all signs that he wants to be left alone, and instead, follows the grey-haired to his room after he swung the door open. 
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, let’s talk about this-”
“Talk about what?” Alhaitham growls.
“Who pissed in your black coffee today?” 
“No one. Now get lost.” 
“Aw, come on, you know what they say. Getting things off your chest is always beneficial.”
“There’s nothing on my chest, go away.”
“You sure? no stress, no deadlines, no love interest making you tear your hair out-”
“-No, no, none of those!”
“Then what?”
Alhaitham steadies himself by resting his elbows on his thighs, hands clasped together as he exhales loudly. “I got pissed and took it out on Y/n, who’s mad at me now.”
“Huh? Why so annoyed?”
“Because Y/n went to dinner with another man.”
It’s silent for a while. The sassy quip that he expects from Kaveh does not happen. Instead, the blond merely smiles, a satisfied, knowing grin that slightly irks him. “You know, I’ve been waiting for the day you realise you have feelings for Y/n.” 
“What? Where did you get that conclusion from?” Alhaitham sits up straighter. There are a lot of things he knows, and he knows for sure that he does not like you in any way beyond platonic. He doesn’t have any time to spare for love. There are scholarships he still needs to apply for, internships to be interviewed for, research projects to submit- nowhere amongst the minute hand of the clock is there space for love. 
“Oh come on,” Kaveh sits down on the bed beside his roommate, leaning back on his hands. “You’re not as smooth as you hope to be sometimes.”
“I’m serious, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Y’know the sooner you accept you have feelings for Y/n, the easier life will be.”
“Life is already easy and there is no sooner because I don’t like Y/n like that. Now get lost. I have stuff I need to finish.”
Kaveh shrugs, standing up with a soft ‘suit yourself’, taking seven steps before he’s out of the room. Alhaitham lets out a sigh that has lodged itself in his throat for too long, and the feeling of reprieve he gets is short-lived before he’s flooded with a certain tightness again. Maybe he did have a weight on his chest after all, not that he’d ever admit it to himself or Kaveh.
He gets up from his made bed with a grunt and decides to push aside all distractions. Time is unforgiving, and if doesn’t finish his assignment by this Friday then he’ll be a little less than pleased.
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Alhaitham feels like he can’t breathe. 
You’re sitting alone at a library desk, all focused and concentrated on your laptop screen with your headphones on, blocking out any outside voice as you type away. He wonders if he should say hi, maybe try apologising for the way he acted last Monday- who is this guy that’s approaching you and why does he look so familiar? 
And why are you smiling so happily?
You beckon to the seat beside you and the guy readily complies, taking the chair beside you like he belonged there, like there weren’t other candidates that should be there instead (he’s not talking about himself. definitely not).
He hands you one of two coffee cups he’s holding. What kind of right does this guy have to give you a coffee? Does he even know your order?
He feels like a bit of creep keenly watching you interact with someone else from a balcony of the library, but the book and laptop in front of him lies forgotten, and in a rare moment of weakness, Alhaitham can’t find it in himself to return to his tasks, pursuit of knowledge momentarily forgotten. He can’t push aside the bile that threatens to rise, he can’t loosen his grip on the couch’s armrest, and he can’t blink for a second in fear of losing you from his sight.
(You’re laughing. Why are you laughing? How can you look so pretty laughing and why doesn’t he ever get to make you laugh like this?)
Alhaitham is losing his damn mind. So much so that the first thing he does when he sees you again is corner you. 
“You shouldn’t talk to that guy anymore.”
You’re backed against the brick walls of the time-worn building that your shared lecture always takes place in, and Alhaitham, spotting you like a hawk, put you in this precarious position as soon as the two hours were over. 
He can’t breathe. It’s been almost three weeks since you last spoke to him and you’re staring up at him like you’ve done nothing wrong, blinking once and twice at his uncharacteristic display of subtle aggression. 
“Who?” you mutter, shaking your head to try and grasp reality once again. you hug your laptop closer to your body. “What’s this about?”
“I said you shouldn’t talk to that guy anymore.” 
“What guy?” 
“Your project partner.”
“Really?” you mutter in disbelief.
He nods, teal eyes shining at you firmly. “Really. The project’s over, you don’t need to talk to him anymore.” 
“I don’t recall ever giving you the right to dictate who gets to be in my life or not, just like how you can’t tell me what to do with my time.” 
“I’m looking out for you, so stop trying to make me sound tyrannical.” 
Your mouth hangs open as you furrow your eyebrows, growing more and more frustrated with each second. So much for thinking that he wanted to resolve the awkwardness between the two of you. “I’m not even going to argue with you,” you murmur a quick ‘jerk’ under your breath before brushing past him. 
Alhaitham, however, is not willing to let you go as easily as you wish, quick to chase after you. Not that you go far anyways, turning around to face him again in the spaciousness of the vacant hallway. “Why do you care?” You ask, exasperated. “You’re Alhaitham, you don’t let trivial things like who I hangout with bother you, you’re cool and collected and rational, and I just don’t understand why you’re acting like this.”
He doesn’t understand either, not the erratic beating of his heart, the stubbornness of his mind, nor this undisputable urge to keep you all to himself. Is it normal to want to hide someone for selfish reasons?
Trailing off, Alhaitham is slightly humiliated that for the first time in his life, someone has witnessed him coming short of an answer. No logical conclusion, no explanation, not even a satisfying quip, just plain, suffocating silence.
“Right. When you do have an answer, let me know.” You walk away.
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
Your last rebuttal still weighs heavily on Alhaitham’s mind, even two days later as he and Kaveh are seated for a lecture in a shared course. His thoughts are scrambled like never before, the messiness of it all making him feel uneasy because for once, he doesn’t have an appropriate answer to a question.
Why was he acting like a temperamental teenager? What you did with your life was up to you, and indeed he has no right trying to change that. More importantly, why was it so hard to apologise for the stuff he said-
“So, how’s everything between you and Y/n?” 
Kaveh turns to him with widened eyes whilst Alhaitham’s poker face doesn’t move an inch, deceivingly apathetic.
“Good, we’ve been hanging out a lot more recently,” the other guy says, who Alhaitham quickly recognises to be your project partner and distaste rises in his stomach like bile. 
“Aye, good for you, man! So when are you going to ask Y/n out?”
“No way, bro, not yet. I’m such a wimp, but I hope I grow the balls to ask soon because I really like-”
“-looks like you got some competition!” The blond nudges Alhaitham, and if it were anyone else, they would not have glanced twice at the grey-haired who seemed unmoving and uninterested. However, Kaveh is not anyone else because he noticed the darkened look in Alhaitham’s eyes instantly, anger seeping into his composed gaze as his nose scrunches in disgust. 
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
“So, you and Alhaitham still aren’t talking?” Kaveh asks, leaning on the table of the restaurant with curious ears, hoping that he can grab some answers out of you as to why there was a stalemate between you and his roommate.
“Nope,” you sigh. 
“Why not?”
“I’m just-” you pinch the bridge of your nose, “I’m just waiting on an apology from him.”
“An apology? Why? What did he say?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“You know how he is. Always insufferably secretive, so no, I don’t know anything that happened.” 
“Alhaitham just said some hurtful things to me, and he was being weird when I told him I was going to dinner with a friend of mine. Just kept being in my business.”
“Really?” The architecture student quirks a brow, confusion plastered on his face. “That’s not like Alhaitham at all.”
“I know, right? He kept trying to be like ‘don’t hang out with him’ and ridiculed me for not playing my part as an executive of the Sumeru society,” you complained, “like sorry I have other things I want to do.”
Kaveh nods in understanding as the conversation briefly stops when the waiter comes to drop off utensils at your table. As soon as they were gone, however, you begin again.
“And even though he was all up in my business, trying to tell me what not to do, he then said that I wasn’t special, which is so confusing because like-”
“-hold on. Alhaitham said that you weren’t special?” You nod at his parroted claim. “To him?” 
“Yeah. Stung like shit when he said that, especially since I thought we were friends but guess not,” you murmur sadly, fiddling with the fork.
Later that night, almost immediately after meeting you over dinner, Kaveh barges into his roommate’s room, not even changing out of his outside clothes. The sudden intrusion shocks Alhaitham who was busy typing on a document, textbook splayed open beneath him but momentarily forgotten as the blond takes a seat on the bed.
“What the- not even a hello?” The grey-haired asks, confused by this uncharacteristic silence of Kaveh’s. It’s pretty normal for the blond to barge into his room without notice, but it was not normal for him to be so quiet, practically brooding on the mattress. “Whatever. Where have you been? Have you eaten yet, because I made-”
“When will you just confess to Y/n?”
The mention of your name causes a spike in Alhaitham’s heartbeat and he swivels around instantly, attention fully directed towards his roommate. “Where is this coming from?”
“Y/n told me everything that happened between you two by the way-”
“-what, when?”
“Tonight, we just met for dinner.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“What would you have done if you knew? Showed up and made things worse?” He doesn’t say anything in retaliation, merely shutting his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows. “Why did you say that Y/n wasn’t special to you?” 
“I didn’t,” Alhaitham sighs, very loud and very perplexed. “I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did.”
“Don’t you miss Y/n? You two used to hangout so often.”
“I do, of course I do!” He exclaims, burrowing his face in his hands. 
“So why aren’t you apologising?” 
“Because whenever I’m around Y/n, I’m not who I normally am,” he mutters, “especially everything whenever that project partner is around-”
“Jealous, much?”
“I’m not jealous.”
“Oh come on, you’re ridiculous. Stop pushing away your feelings and just be honest with yourself, Alhaitham! Y/n is not just a friend to you and you know it.”
“But, we are just friends-”
“So you mean to tell me that if I hung out with someone else- like if I hung out with Cyno, you would be pissed?”
“What? No, of course not.”
“Then why is it different with Y/n?” Once again, Alhaitham doesn’t have an answer to the question, sitting as still as a statue hunched over his desk. “Fine, I’ll spell it out to you. You like Y/n, more than just a friend!”
The silence leftover from Kaveh’s outburst is tense and full as the grey-haired lets the words sink in. 
“I’ll let you think about it,” the blond murmurs, voice softening dramatically as he stalks out of the room. Before he closes the door, however, he leaves a few final words. “Just- be honest with yourself, Alhaitham, and I wouldn’t delay trying to talk to Y/n.”
A sharp click rings through the room.
Alhaitham is no stranger to being alone, for who needs the company of others when you are happiest by yourself? Yet, in the weeks that you have not been speaking to him, a cardinal urge as been growing each and each day, wanting him to do something so atypical of him: to reach out and make the first move. Every passing day doesn’t lessen the thoughts that plague his mind, rather, they make him more and more impatient, because what if you get swept away by your project partner? 
(What if he’ll be too late? What if you won’t know of these powerful emotions that are steering through the storm in his heart? What if you won’t know just how badly he was been wanting you- wanting to see you, wanting to apologise, wanting to see you beam at him like you always would.
What if you won’t know that he adores you, especially now that he’s figured it out?).
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
A rain droplet falls and lands on your nose, another lands on your forehead, then another lands on your lip then more and more keep falling from the cloudy sky, falling through the leaves and landing on the bench you were currently sitting on. Goodness, you should have checked the weather before leaving your dorm. Why was it now out of all times that it had to rain, what would Alhaitham think after he finally decided to reach out to talk?
Taking your phone out to message the grey-haired about relocating, an umbrella is suddenly held over you, stopping the gentle drizzle from falling onto you. Looking up, you’re greeted by a familiar face that you have been missing too much recently.
“Hello, you,” you breathe, voice gentle and quiet and Alhaitham feels like he can finally breathe after so long, the scent of rain washing away all perplexion.
He nods at you in greeting before offering you the bouquet of flowers he was holding. A gorgeous arrangement of pink of white stare prettily at you and a man even more gorgeous expects you to accept it.
“For me?” You ask.
“For you.”
“Thank you, they’re so beautiful,” you take his gift with gentle hands, holding it close to your chest. 
“I want to apologise,” he firmly states, getting straight to the point; very Alhaitham of him. “For treating you the way I have been recently.”
You beam at him, so bright and so gorgeous that it renders him speechless, a feat pretty difficult when it comes to someone like Alhaitham who has a whole dictionary of words, in multiple languages too. Somehow, they all flock out of his mind the second you smile at him.  
“I accept your apology, thank you for reaching out, must have been hard for someone like you, huh?” You tease, standing up from the bench.
“Well, I had do for someone as special as you.” The grey-haired’s voice is deceivingly confident and assured, but you know better, especially when he looks away to hide his expression with his neatly styled bangs. 
“No need for the flattery, you know, I’ve already forgiven you.” There’s a moment of silence that occupies the air, caused by Alhaitham’s hesitation as he fishes his brain for the courage to ask you out. You speak before he can get a word out, however. “I got asked out the other day.”
“By your groupmate?”
“He has a name, you know, but, yeah. I rejected him, though,” you laugh awkwardly, almost like you were trying to cope with it by playing it off. “Did you know that he would do that?” 
“Yes. I did.”
“Is that why you were so adamant on me not hanging out with him?”
“I guess you could say that. We can talk more about it another time,” he tells you, voice gentle and caring to mask the subtle hit of jealousy he feels in his chest, scolding himself for letting someone else confess to you before him. However, it’s a minute sensation in comparison to the triumph Alhaitham feels knowing that you rejected the other party. 
“We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”
“We do, but I want to ask you something first.” 
You nod, hugging the bouquet closer to your chest, anticipation heavy in the air as you spur him to continue. 
“If I asked you out, would you reject me too?”
A mere second passes by where you don’t respond, yet the second stretches out to what feels like eternity as Alhaitham’s stomach churns. Patience is something he doesn’t lack, but how can he be patient when his heart wants you so bad? 
Then, you take his hand, and the heavens sing at the feeling of your hand in his. “I wouldn’t, but are you asking me out?”
“Are you free right now?”
“I am. Why?”
“Let’s go out then. On a date.”
“I'd love to.” You rise up to place a lingering kiss on his cheek, one that has his heart racing with joy rather than frustration.
The smile you earn is gentle, shy, but says more than Alhaitham's words ever can.
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© EARTHTOOZ 2023, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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i want my lover to be a writer
#🌙.rambles#don't mind me just another one of my hopeless romantic antics#i swear i'm not usually so open about that especially for the past year#actually nvm i've always been like this . i still write a lot the same way i used to when i was younger#but i've lost a bit of my carefreeness due to worrying too much abt how others may perceive me ? being afraid in a way#my creativity thrives when i just let myself be comfortable w my own self#the idea of love. n actually loving is so beautiful#it's far from perfect but i know what are my values n goals regarding love#n while i'd really love to have experiences while i'm young. yk indulge a little in my youth#cries in my studies are my priority . as it should be though. my work is very important to me#i'm not actively seeking for love but god if i find it somewhere n by chance it happens to be reciprocated. that would be lovely#that said i would like a lover that is a writer#n so we'd also fall in love deeply with each other's words. the other worlds in our heads#someone who'd love the little things. every shift in our voices. the way our eyes speak.#the moments in between the silences. each unfiltered thought and word. everything unsaid but known#someone who also loves life and themselves#wah i have to go now but i'm thinking of the things i've written n read#i want to experience them in my own way. someday#sob i wna get better at the piano n write songs#i wna write letters i wna hug you when you're crying i wna kiss you goodnight#10 years in the future maybe 🫠
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lady-raziel · 7 days
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I don't think they thought their fans would be this mad about it, like they had a whole exciting countdown to the video and everything. which is even weirder considering the vibes of the video itself.
I know! That’s another thing that I just can’t get my head around!! Like tbh it would have been better to just spring this on people unannounced. To hype up an announcement as if it’s an exciting new show or something only to reveal it’s a move no one wanted or needed was always going to end colossally badly. It’s so bizarre.
What’s really throwing me is the fact that up until this point I’d considered the Watcher crew to be pretty in-tune with the fans given how generally responsive they are to what’s happening in their social media tags and how they showcase fandom creations frequently. That shows a level of attention to the attitudes of the community and indicates that they know what we say on here and generally what we think about things. So it’s really frickin weird that they could have been paying attention to our memes and gifs all this time and yet misjudged how a massive seismic shift like this would be perceived.
All I know is that someday someone is going to make a really long video essay breaking down the Jenga tower of decisions at Watcher HQ that led to this point, and maybe then we’ll finally know how all this happened.
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randomshyperson · 1 month
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I'll Crawl Home To Her - Wanda Maximoff Oneshots
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Summary: A rewrite of the fight scene in WandaVision, with a less aggressive but equally painful discussion. 
Warnings: canon-typical Westview angst, talking about magical submission and free will, established relationship, some grief mentions, rough kissing just because I can, love confessions/reaffirmations | Words: 1.644k
A/N-> I'm just rewriting loose scenes from WandaVison, none of which are really going to end up in anything bigger. But I hope it's a decent read. 
General Masterlist | AO3 | Wattpad
-&-
“It’s not often that you get a dog and bury them the same day.”
To your line, Wanda could have chosen to mumble in agreement. She could have said she was sorry, or she could have chosen to remain silent.
Instead, she chooses sarcasm, as if she had a good idea of how ridiculous everything was starting to get around that town.
“Well, life moves pretty fast out in the suburbs.”
You end up sighing, able to feel the anger slowly building up in you. Wanda continues to put toys away, and you decide to wipe your hands on the nearest dishcloth before turning to your wife.
"I spoke to Norm this morning." You start with a serious look on your face, and Wanda, oh your beautiful, stubborn wife, makes a mocking expression. You don't understand why she's acting this way. "He told me things that really frightened me, Wanda."
It was her turn to take a deep breath, the confidence in her expression wavering for a second. There was only one balcony between the two of you, but somehow the emotional distance was immeasurably greater.
Wanda looks you in the eye. "What's that supposed to mean, darling?"
“You tell me.”  You hit back without hesitation. But what you get from Wanda is a tired sigh, falsely innocent.
"I didn't know it was charades night again." She continues to mock. 
You can't remember if Wanda was ever cruel, but it's a fact that you can't remember anything that happened before Westview.
"I got scared because he was scared, Wanda!" You insist, approaching the counter to lean on one hand, while the other gestures your despair. "It was like a different person, a real, suppressed personality crying out to be released. It was accidental, of course, to discover this. But I'm not an idiot, Wanda. I can see what you're doing. The things that are changing around us every time something gets out of your control. And I don't understand why, and you won't talk to me, and I'm so scared!"
The tears in your eyes match hers. "Stop." She pleads earnestly, but you shake your head.
"You don't want this." You say.
Despite the emotion in her eyes, and the thick tears, Wanda gives a short, ironic laugh, her head tilting slightly. "Don't I?"
"If you did, I wouldn't know. I wouldn't be able to see, to question.” You sigh.”You’ve always been so... extraordinary." Her expression suddenly flinches at the compliment. "Your abilities, your power, I can't tell what happened before this place, but I know about now. There's not a trace of doubt in my mind about you, about how magnificently powerful I've always perceived you to be. Not even about how much I love and trust you." Wanda swallows dryly at your words, but you give a sad sigh. "Then I don't understand why you keep letting me see the flaws. If you're going to lie to me, leave me in the dark. Because I think I'm losing my mind little by little. I can't ignore the suffering of those people, and I can't ignore the uncertainty that grows in my chest every second. I can't remember anything, Wanda. I see those pictures on our walls, those fabricated memories, and nothing reaches me. I can't even recall if I had any kind of family before this place."
Wanda comes around the counter with a certain desperation, her hands reaching for your face. "You have a family. Me and the boys, why can't that be enough?"
Your hands reach for hers. "It's not that, sweetheart. Our family is perfect. This life is the closest to heaven I could get. But I can't be at peace with it at the cost of other people's suffering. I can't ignore their pain."
"I'll help you think of something else." She responds with a nod, pulling your face in to kiss you firmly.
Kissing Wanda has always been intoxicating, a sensation that's easy to get lost in. But fresh in your mind is your coworker, terrified and begging you to get away from this place. Get away from your wife.
You pull away, breaking the kiss and ignoring the way your whole body protests. Wanda is equally out of breath, but the gleam in her eyes hides a deep irritation.
"Wanda, I-
"Save it." She interrupts, turning her back on you. You catch a glimpse of a new form of anger and hurt in her eyes at being rejected. You sigh impatiently, following her instantly. 
"You're not going to run away from this conversation, Wanda, I need to know what's going on in this place!" You practically beg, yelling at her back because Wanda just keeps walking towards the stairs. You huff angrily and teleport immediately into her path. She jumps slightly in fright, grimacing with impatience and taking two steps backward, away from the steps as you insist; "Please. Talk to me."
"There's nothing to say if you don't believe me when I tell you there's nothing wrong." But you shake your head at the words, one hand pulling your hair back. Wanda chuckles humorlessly.  "See, you already have an opinion on the subject. On me. I'm already the villain in your story, darling, so why don't you keep digging behind my back and end this whole thing?"
She mentions going upstairs again, but you stand in her way, one hand pulling her face towards yours. The kiss is more intense than the one in the kitchen, heated enough for Wanda to gasp into your mouth.
She's ready to reciprocate with the same eagerness when you break it, the hand on her cheek caressing her skin.
"Because I love you, Wanda Maximoff." You whisper against her lips, and it's not just the words, but the devotion in your gaze that makes Wanda's legs wobble. You offer her a small smile, an air of lost battle in your expression. "There is no part of me that would plan and act against you. Even here, with the truth scratching at the walls, where I could if I wanted to access the suffering of these people, I wouldn't turn against you. I can only beg for a little mercy, my love. Take the pain away from me, the doubt. I will be loyal and complicit in any of your desires and decisions."
Wanda sobs, hugging you before you can say anything. You can't remember anything that came before, but she can, as clearly as if she were there. And Wanda loved every trace of your old self as much as she loves this Westview version, willing to do anything she asks. It's not so different from the person she lost, with the most striking exception that makes it clear in that moment, that nothing could ever replace the real you. 
You would have taken Wanda out of that fantasy. For better or worse, even if she hated you afterward, even if she never forgave you, you wouldn't let her cross lines through grief, you wouldn't let her lose herself again. After all, that's what you swore to do after witnessing first-hand all the guilt she carried for Ultron's madness and the accident in Lagos. Your true version would never let her drown in sorrow and hurt people again.
But the Westview version, so sweet and devoted, would stroke her back and say the same thing you always used to say, even if now you can't remember it.
"I'm sorry if I made you cry, princess, I never meant to. Look at me so I can bring your smile back."
Wanda holds on a little tighter, tears staining your blouse. The vast majority of the times she had heard this phrase, it had been at much less dramatic moments. While she had a passion for sitcoms and things that made her laugh, you liked more emotional movies that could make you cry. And every time you had a movie session, you would tell her that, easily achieving your goal of putting a smile on your girlfriend's face. But there were also times when the situations were dramatic - a poorly planned workout where Wanda ended up hurting you and tears of guilt escaped her and you tried to make her feel better by saying that same phrase. Or when you had a fight and it got a bit out of hand, and you started your apologies that way.
Or when Thanos took you from her, and Wanda had to hear it twice because of a time stone.
She doesn't want to hear it for a third occasion. 
You're ready to say something, maybe apologize, when Wanda breaks the hug. But she holds your cheeks and presses her mouth to yours. Slowly, allowing you to taste even the saltiness of her tears. There's a shaky sigh escaping from between your lips as she breaks away again, but your affected gaze changes to a curious one as red irises stare back at you.
"I'll make it better." She whispers, nodding slightly. You swallow dry, closing your eyes and resting your forehead against hers.
The only thing you whisper is exactly what makes her hesitate. "I trust you, Wanda."
She ignores the internal conflict and lifts one of her hands to stroke the back of your neck. It must be easy, especially within Hex, to change your mind. To make you no longer question.
You repeat that you love her, and Wanda brings trembling fingers to your forehead. 
She suddenly becomes very aware that consciously, she could never do that to you. She would rather you found out everything and hated her than take away your free will. To turn you into another puppet.
She sighs shakily, ready to say she'll put an end to this whole place when the doorbell rings.
Nothing could prepare her for seeing her twin brother again, but that's another story. Besides, not that Wanda has any idea, far away from there, a fallen Avenger is being stitched back together while calling her name in their sleep.
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thebearchives · 2 years
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leclerc's type | CL16
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PAIRING: charles leclerc x fem!reader
REQUESTED: [X] yes [] no
WORD COUNT: 3.2k
SYNOPSIS: who would have thought that all three leclerc brothers had the same taste in women? 
WARNINGS: i have no idea how f3 works aside from the fact that there’s sprint and feature races so if there is any inaccurate information…close your eyes, some french and Italian + translations, arthur being a little shit
as always, don't be a ghost reader!
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charles and yourself had yet to expose your relationship to either of your families, so it was a surprise, really, when charles asked you to accompany him to arthur’s race in monza. 
with his arms wrapped around you, a pout painted on his lips, he whined out a small “pretty please?”
you cupped his puffed up cheeks, “you are such a baby, charles. i didn’t say no yet.”
“yet?” his pout intensified, “please, amour, i want you to meet my family and everyone is going to be there.”
“are you sure?” you caressed his cheek with your thumb, “we’ve never really talked about meeting the family yet. what sprung this on?”
“i just think we’re ready,” charles’ eyes were so soft as they gazed into yours, “when i think of my family, you’re included. even if everyone is going to be there in italy, without you, it wouldn’t feel complete to me.”
you couldn’t help it, using your hands that were cupped around his cheeks to pull him closer. you pushed up and connected your lips together in a sweet kiss.
when you pulled back, charles’ lips were still puckered slightly, his eyes shining with unspeakable amounts of love. you gave him a watery smile and he smiled back. 
“you can’t say those things unless you want me to cry,” you pulled a hand back to wipe your eyes before the unshed tears made their way down your face, “i’d love to meet your family, mon cher.” my dear.
charles’ nose crinkled as you poked it with your forefinger, “je t’adore, mon amour.” i adore you, my love.
“je t'aime plus que tout au monde,” you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him close, placing a kiss against the base of his neck. i love you more than anything else in the world.
the weeks leading up to the races in italy became increasingly more hectic. you had started with going to work like regular, while charles would leave to go to his own races, calling you as soon as he landed in whatever city he was to complain about how he wished he could be back in your arms. 
then, you asked for days off from work, and when the request was approved, you felt yourself starting to panic. it was happening. you would be meeting charles’ family for the first time. the calls between you and charles turned from soft ‘i miss you’s to ‘is this appropriate for when i meet your mom? should i go shopping? i have no clothes, charles, your mother is going to hate me’. 
charles had only smiled softly, wishing he could have been there in person to quell your fears, “mon amour, what you wear will have no effect on how my mother will perceive you. you could show up in a garbage bag for all she’d care.”
you had scowled at the camera and charles laughed before continuing, “i love you, chérie, and i know my mother will love you just as much as i do…okay, maybe a little less because no one can love you as much as me.”
you had sighed, flopping back on your bed which had been covered with clothes, “i’m sorry for acting this way. i’m just nervous.”
“you’ve nothing to apologize for,” he wished he could jump through the phone to reach you, “and nothing to be nervous for either, ange.”
you sat up abruptly, “what if your brothers hate me?”
charles had thrown his head back and laughed loudly, sobering up when you whined out his name, “this is serious, charles!”
“mon amour, they would be crazy not to like you. i’d be surprised if they didn’t like you as much as i did.”
and if only either of you had realized how right he would be.
you had flown in with charles at the start of the week, a bundle of nerves sparking in your chest that charles had quickly extinguished by telling you that his mother would be arriving later in the week. 
well, it was now later and the anxiety that you had been suppressing was bursting at the seams. 
you weren’t due to meet charles’ family officially until friday after free practices, with charles having planned an outing and dinner for his whole family before the races began for him and arthur. he had told you that he wanted to surprise his family, and as such, you had to avoid them as best as you could while on the paddock.
you couldn’t help but be thankful for charles’ idea, having been panicking the entire week leading up to the race at the idea of running into charles’ family without charles himself. 
and so, that led you to where you were now, walking around the paddock bright and early on media day, staying as far away from the ferrari garage as you could, to avoid any run-ins with the leclerc family, though life never seemed to work out in your favour ever.
you had finally caved, walking back towards the ferrari hospitality, in need of coffee and a place to escape the beaming sun. what you hadn’t accounted for was the tall man standing near the entrance, conversing with who you recognized to be charles’ manager. the two said a few words before the latter was off, no doubt making his way to charles.
the taller man turned around, and your eyes lightly widened as you realized you had been standing behind charles’ older brother. 
your eyes darted to the floor as his fell on your figure, “oh, i am so sorry. i’m totally blocking your way in.”
wow, he sounded a lot like charles. 
you realized, belatedly, that he had in fact been blocking the entrance, “oh, that’s okay! i only just got here.” you gave him a small smile.
it’s okay, you thought to yourself, he has no reason to think i’m charles’ girlfriend, he probably won’t even remember this interaction by later today. 
he moved over, hands gesturing to the door behind him, “after you.”
oh, fuck, he was coming in too. 
you nodded at him in gratitude, “thank you.”
you walked inside, mentally freaking out at how lorenzo was right behind you. you ignored him as best as you could, making a beeline towards the coffee station to the side. lorenzo had followed you.
“sorry,” he gave you a sheepish smile, starting on his own coffee on the station next to yours, “i hope you don’t think i’m following you.”
you were stuck. although not ideal for the plans you and charles had made, you had to play your cards right in this moment. first impressions would have to be really good if you were expecting a positive response from charles’ family.
you turned your gaze from the coffee machine to the eldest leclerc brother, “wouldn’t hold it entirely past you. for all i know, you could have been blocking the entrance just for this moment.”
ah, humour, your go-to route for any situation ever. worried? make a joke. sad? make a joke. overthinking? just make a joke!!!
lorenzo laughed lightly, “i promise, i wasn’t. i had just been on my way to grab a coffee when my brother’s manager had stopped me for a quick conversation and you came up just as he left.”
“don’t get too worked up,” you chuckled as the speed of his explanation. you could see where charles got some of his habits from, “i believe you. i’d been there to see todt walk off.”
from the corner of your eye, you could see him nod. as you busied yourself with making your coffee to your liking, you missed lorenzo’s calculating gaze as he gave you a once-over.
just as you threw away the used coffee pod, lorenzo spoke up again, “i’m lorenzo, by the way, charles’ brother.”
“i know,” you smiled at him. as worried as you had been, lorenzo had been very easy to talk to. 
“i’m y/n, charles’ not brother.”
your response had elicited a loud laugh from the older leclerc, “you’re quite the joker, aren’t you?”
you opted to shrug your shoulders with a small smile, blowing on your coffee before taking a sip. more sugar.
lorenzo made small talk, “do you work here at ferrari?” 
you shook your head, “no, no. would be amazing though, no? especially if i could travel the world as part of my job. charles is lucky.” 
fuck, you wanted to hit your head against the wall, why would you bring charles into the conversation. oh god, please let lorenzo just brush past that. 
he hummed in acknowledgement, “he is, indeed. but he’s also very deserving of it, you know? i don’t mean to sound biased but,”
“i know what you mean,” you continued, always ready to gush about your boyfriend, “he’s worked really hard to get to where he is. youngest driver for ferrari since 1961, that’s quite the achievement.”
the two of you chatted lightly for a few more minutes before lorenzo asked another question, “so then, what’s a pretty girl like you doing here alone?”
you tensed, cheeks reddening at his words. you opened your mouth and then closed it, repeating before you finally opened it to respond, “i–”
“lorenzo!” both of your heads turned to where the sound came from. your eyes caught sight of the figure waving his hands in the air, beckoning lorenzo over. it was arthur.
“sounds like someone needs your help,” thank god for arthur, huh?
“yeah, it seems i have to go now.” lorenzo looked back at you, “it was great meeting you, y/n.”
“likewise,” you nodded to him as you watched him leave, only one thought circulating your mind.
holy shit, your boyfriend’s older brother just tried to flirt with you.
luckily, the rest of media day had been rather uneventful and you were soon back in the hotel room you shared with charles, said driver gone to hang out with his brothers for a bit. 
friday morning had gone by smoothly, and with a little over an hour until the free practices, you were sitting in the ferrari hospitality, grabbing yourself a snack.
what you hadn’t noticed was the two men who had been looking at you from a distance away. lorenzo and arthur, with the former pointing you out discretely to the latter.
“n'est-elle pas jolie?” lorenzo nudged his youngest brother. isn’t she super pretty?
arthur nodded, “elle l'est. tu penses que j'ai une chance?” she is. do you think i have a chance?
lorenzo gaped at his younger brother, who laughed cheekily, “je l'ai vue en premier, arthur, n'y pense même pas.” i saw her first, arthur, don't even think about it.
the younger one shrugged, “oui, et tu as probablement ruiné tes chances avec elle. ton flirt est horrible.” yeah, and you probably ruined your chances with her. your flirting is horrible.
he pushed off from where he had been leaning, “watch and learn, mon frère. elle ne pourra pas résister à mon charme.” she won’t be able to resist my charm.
lorenzo watched in disbelief as his younger brother made his way to you, “du charme, mon cul. tout votre charme n'est qu'une copie de charles et moi.” charm, my ass. all of your charm is just a copy of charles and i.
a throat cleared behind you and you turned in your seat. the smiling face of the youngest leclerc was the first thing you saw, body freezing for a split second.
he pointed to the chair across from you, “is this seat taken?”
you took a look at the chair he pointed at before looking back at him, “not at all. do you nee-”
you watched as the boy sat down, hands coming up to rest on the table, “you don’t mind, right?”
your brows were furrowed in slight confusion as you tried to absorb what just happened, “uh, no. no, it’s alright.”
“i’m arthur,” he stuck his hand out.
you returned the handshake, “y/n.”
you couldn’t help but blush slightly, bewildered look on your face, as arthur brought your hand up and placed a kiss on the back of your hand. wow, he was laying it on thick.
“beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” unlike when lorenzo had called you pretty, you didn’t freeze up. instead, you found yourself giggling.
you pulled your hand out from arthur’s light hold, using it to cover your mouth, “oh, i am so sorry. i promise i’m not laughing at you. it’s just that you are very cute.”
arthur’s face dropped, “cute?”
god, his pout was just like charles’.
you nodded, a smile still lingering on your lips, “adorable, even.”
you didn’t know how it was possible but his face dropped even more, “adorable??”
you let out a loud laugh, “oh, mon dieu. you’re just like your brother.”
and you fumbled again. wow, you really couldn’t go a conversation without talking about your boyfriend, huh?
“lorenzo?” arthur asked, “wait, you speak french?”
you only smiled, letting him guess the answers to either question.
arthur took your smile as a yes to both questions, “listen, i am nothing like my brother. il est complètement idiot quand il s'agit de parler aux jolies filles. moi, d'un autre côté, je suis un naturel.” he's a total idiot when it comes to talking to pretty girls. me, on the other hand? i'm a natural. 
“ah, is that what this is? you being a natural?” you smirked, watching as his cheeks flushed slightly.
“well, sometimes, the really pretty girls make me a bit nervous.” arthur scratched the back of his head. ah, he was like a mini charles.
you smiled, “well, as honoured as i am to be considered a ‘really pretty girl’, i’m afraid i’m a bit too old for you, bud.”
arthur groaned, planting his head in his arms against the table, “this is going horribly for me.”
“i told you, your charm is non-existent,” another voice called out from behind you. it was lorenzo.
he came around the table and smacked the back of arthur’s head, “tu es vraiment un idiot.” you are such an idiot.
you laughed at arthur’s sorrowful expression, “oh, i think he’s got quite the charm. just not enough years under the belt.”
lorenzo smiled apologetically at you, “i am so sorry for whatever he has said to you in the past five minutes.”
you waved him off, “no worries, arthur is quite the company.”
you looked at the time, deciding it would be good to go back to the garage to see charles once before he started his practices, “well, boys. i’ve got to head out. it was great meeting you, arthur! and seeing you again today, lorenzo, i’m sure i’ll catch you guys again somewhere on the paddock.”
the two brothers returned your goodbye, waiting for you to leave before arguing about who had a more realistic shot with you.
you couldn’t help but laugh as you heard a few seconds of their conversation. if only charles had realized how right he would be about his brothers liking you as much as him. turns out, all the leclerc brothers had the same taste in girls.
although you had told them you would, you didn’t see the two leclerc brothers for the rest of your day on the paddock. you went home with charles soon after the free practices ended, both excited to get ready and have dinner with his family.
having already met and conversed with both of charles’ brothers, you couldn’t help but feel less nervous for the dinner. pascale had been the only one you hadn’t met yet, and objectively, she was the one to impress. but now that you knew all three of her boys, you were sure that she had to be nice to have raised such kind boys.
now, the pair of you were sat in charles’ ferrari, driving to the restaurant of his choosing. one of his hands rested on your thigh, rubbing circles against the skin.
“sei bellissima, amore.” you loved it when charles spoke in italian, something about the way he sounded just drove your head crazy. you look so beautiful, love.
“grazie, tesoro,” thanks, honey. you gave him a soft smile, “but please don’t say anything else in italian, you know i can’t understand it.”
“i’ll just have to teach you, then,” charles stopped at a stop light, the hand on your thigh turning around as if asking for your hand.
you placed your hand in his and he squeezed it, “you are less nervous today.”
you squeezed his hand back, playing with the watch that was on his wrist, “oui, i actually met your brothers yesterday and today.”
“oh, no. how are you recovering?” charles joked.
“they were quite the charmers, i will say that.” you sighed, looking at your boyfriend’s side profile, “you guys have a lot in common, actually.”
“only good things, i hope.”
“well, i know that you all have excellent taste.” at his confused expression, you waved him off, “story for the dinner, maybe.”
soon, charles had parked and you two were walking into the restaurant hand-in-hand. from afar, you could make out the rough figures of lorenzo and arthur at the table in the far left corner. as you got closer, you could see a woman sitting with them. pascale.
when you two got close enough to the table, you pulled your hand from charles’ grasp, instead clasping your own hands together at the front of your body. charles gave you a small smile filled with reassurance before taking the final step, garnering the attention of his whole family.
lorenzo’s eyes moved past charles and onto you, a confused look on his face, “y/n?”
arthur’s head shot up at the sound of your name, “y/n? she’s here?”
his frantic eyes zeroed into yours, before looking over at his brother confused.
charles smiled, reaching a hand out to wrap around your waist and pull you forward, “maman, boys, je vous présente ma petite amie, y/n.” i want you to meet my girlfriend,
you smiled, “bonjour! ravi de vous rencontrer tous,” your eyes went from pascale to the two boys in front of you, “officiellement cette fois.” hello! nice to meet you all…officially this time.
at charles’ announcement, both brothers felt their jaws drop.
“merde,” lorenzo breathed out, face growing redder as he looked at your wide smile. shit.
arthur closed his eyes, hands coming up to hide his face “oh mon dieu, on a flirté avec la petite amie de charles.” oh my god, we flirted with charles' girlfriend.
“tu as fait quoi?!” you did what?!
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6K notes · View notes
steddieas-shegoes · 1 month
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change of plans
for the bonus round for @steddiemicrofic that's supposed to be for my birthday which is crazy that so many people even care??? hello i am being perceived??? anyway i'm obviously gonna write something for it because i'm certainly not gonna work on the paper that's due by friday.
rated t | 290 words | cw: implied sex | tags: established relationship, platonic stobin, i do in fact believe that steve harrington is an aries
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"May I ask why he has an ice pack on his ass?" Robin asked as she walked in the front door of the apartment and took in Steve's position flat on his stomach on the couch.
"You may ask. You may not want the answer, though," Eddie replied as he brought Steve a glass of water. "Robin's here, sweetheart."
"She's early," he mumbled against the pillow.
"She's setting up for your party, dingus," Robin said from behind the couch, leaning down to look at him.
He turned his head to the side and glanced up.
"Eddie fucked me too much," he sighed.
"He kept begging for more! It's his birthday! What am I gonna do, not give him more?" Eddie threw his hands up. "How was I supposed to know six times was too many?"
Robin shook her head. "How is that even possible? No, never mind. Don't answer that. Should we postpone the party?"
"No, the kids would be upset."
"Can you get up?"
Steve groaned. "Give me ten more minutes."
Eddie and Robin shared a look before Eddie dropped down to his knees next to the couch. "Sweetheart, what if we just change it to tomorrow? We can tell them you woke up with a migraine. All the food will still be good. Robin can still set up some of the decorations while she's here."
"But then it isn't my birthday anymore," Steve pouted at him.
"We can celebrate your birthday all week if you want, Stevie."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
Eddie leaned down to kiss his forehead and ignored Robin's gagging noises.
"You're both disgusting. I'm gonna call everyone. Have you learned your lesson or is this gonna happen next year?"
"I'm aiming for seven next year."
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periprose · 6 months
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Heyyy I’m literally playing through ps4 Spider-Man again 🤣!
I was wondering if I could request a ps4 fic, maybe Peter and reader have been dating for a while, and she gets hurt during the explosion and he can’t find her but she’s with may at feast with like a broken arm or something?? (She knows he’s Spider-Man) 👀🫶🏼
hey lol thanks for requesting! I'm on the first playthrough of the game myself. Basically this is set during the explosion at the election event in the game, and Peter and you are there to proudly watch Officer Davis accept his award.
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/
"Hey." Peter comes up from behind you on the sidewalk, fixing wrinkles in his civilian clothes. He must've just changed.
"Hey, Parker." You nudge him. "Ready to go watch Osborn smooch up to the well-meaning audience of Manhattan?"
"Well, ready as I'll ever be." Peter takes your hand. "I'm really just there to watch Davis get his well-deserving award, y'know. Hey, didn't I tell you to stop calling me Parker?"
"Meh, you love it." You joke. "You'll always be Parker to me, even if you are my boyfriend now. It's our thing."
Peter shakes his head, but you know based on his little smile- he loves that you have a little thing just for him.
Together, you walk to the intersection in front of City Hall, where many people crowd around, waiting for Mayor Osborn and whatever speech he's about to give today. They're all dressed in Osborn themed merchandise, cheering and clapping.
You can't believe this many people care about Osborn's so-called promises to the city- you and Peter are really hoping he won't be re-elected this term after all- but people are clapping for him, and you sigh knowing that your cost of living is about to go up.
"Hey. Wipe that frown off your face. We're here to be supportive." Peter whispers from next to you in the crowd, and you nod.
"Where's Davis? Is that him?" You whisper back, pointing to an older black man up on the stage.
"Yup. You wouldn't believe it, he was so helpful in Hell's Kitchen. Dude whipped out his gun and had my back like we've been best buds for years." Peter smiles. "There's not many out there doing it like him."
"He sounds like a real treasure. I'm glad you have someone on your side." You squeeze Peter's hand, and continue to look up towards the stage in mild excitement.
You don't really care for Osborn's speech- Peter laughs about his promise to open up technology for NYC when you both know that's reserved for the elite- but you both grin when Davis, looking nervous as ever, walks up the stage to receive his award.
"It is my privilege to present Officer Jefferson Davis with the Department Medal of Honour." Osborn hangs a medal around Davis' neck, and you and Peter clap.
"I'm so glad this is all over. The gang war, I think." Peter whispers to you, and you raise your eyebrows.
"Really? Does this mean you'll finally be a little safer?" You ask, but Peter frowns a little.
"Well, there's some loose ends still to be tied up, but-"
"Loose ends?" You give him a wary glance. "Like what?"
"Like whatever 'Consolidated Shipping' is. It doesn't make sense." Peter sighs, watching concern grow on your face. "It's not right, but I'll figure it out."
Davis says a few words- he thanks his wife and his son, Miles, who you can see is sitting up at the front of the stage.
"Aw, cute kid." You remark to Peter, and he nods, gaining a slightly sheepish smile.
"Officer Davis did say I remind him of his son. I'll take it as a compliment." Peter jokes, and you snicker, calling him even more of a baby.
Behind you, Sable guards are talking on their walkie talkies about "keeping eyes on Osborn," which to you sounds as if they perceive a threat. You turn back to tell Peter, when he suddenly flinches.
"Peter-?"
He grabs his head, panicking- you watch as his pupils dilate, and he's clearly in some kind of shock.
"Everything feels off-" Peter flinches again, and you know he's having a Spider-Sense meltdown. There must be multiple things happening at once- even worse, you're not sure what he's supposed to do in this situation. He's not suited up, and he risks revealing his identity if he does anything.
Either way, Peter runs behind you. He shoves people out of the way, trying to get to the back of the event, behind the audience, but he's not fast enough. There are men arriving out of cars- corrupted men, turning that strange grey-blue-transparent hue that confirms their connection with Martin Li.
Peter runs- he dashes- but you see him flinch again, cowering under such threatening energy. He turns to the stage in horror, and you gasp in shock.
There's another corrupted on stage, covered in explosive devices.
An explosion goes off behind you, to the right of you, than another massive one on stage- the ground shakes beneath you, and you're too in shock to move.
"Get down!" Peter shoves you back, attempting to push you out of the way, just as another two explosions cause the earth under you to rattle, and you lose your footing and fall back on the pavement. You twist your arm unnaturally and hit your head.
You black out, the last thing you see being massive blue-black explosions in the sky.
/
Peter wakes to floating ash in the sky.
He coughs- there's a sharp pain in his right side, and a slight ache at the top of his hairline- he touches his forehead and pulls his fingers away to see brown-red, dry blood.
It doesn't matter. He'll heal faster than most, anyways- he needs to locate you.
He gets up, seizes a little due to the pain- and to his alarm, you're nowhere in his near sight. He walks around seeing Sable guards help people off the streets- although Peter really thinks they're poking and prodding and shoving them away, so they can clean up the mess around here.
He hopes you haven't been taken away by Sable guards.
Peter rushes to the nearest clinic- but there's too many people crowding around there with their injuries, and the receptionist at the emergency room tells him there's no one by your name here.
He begins to panic. You're not responding to his calls, either. Peter doesn't want to believe the worst could've happened to you, but he does hear people talking on the streets about the casualties. Apparently at least 10 people have been found dead so far- Peter starts swearing under his breath.
He decides to head to FEAST- he's not sure if you'll be there, but it's better to ask Aunt May or some of the volunteers if you've been seen. FEAST also operates as an emergency medical clinic, too, even with limited supplies, and it's with this small amount of hope that Peter travels there.
Pushing through the doors, the front desk woman- Amanda- she's startled by how intensely Peter asks about you.
"I don't know, Peter." She points to the main auditorium, where many homeless and injured people are currently being attended to. "It's kind of an open house back here- you're going to have to look through the crowds."
Peter sighs. "Thanks, Amanda."
It takes him about fifteen minutes to do a full, quick walkthrough. The entire time, his heartbeat thumps faster as he realizes- he's not seeing you anywhere. There's nobody wearing your trademark scarf, your usual dark blue jeans- nobody with your fastidious expression, where you always seem to take in the entire world before speaking- nobody to relieve the steady ache in his heart.
Peter walks into the room full of medical supplies, expecting to see Aunt May- and while May is there, busy with another volunteer, the first thing he sees is you, with your hair all disheveled and messy, bruises on your cheek and a cut under your lip, and your arm wrapped in a cast and a sling.
But you have a soft, comforting smile. You're kneeling down to help a little girl- she can't be older than five- and you're placing a bandage on her knee. And the little girl squeals, hugging you after you say "It's all better now."
Peter would agree with that.
You look up, arms still embraced around the little girl- Rina is her name- to see Peter, looking wistful, sad, a clear lump in his throat. His eyes are watery.
"Peter?" You watch as he comes forward.
"I thought you were- I thought..." He wipes his eyes. "Are you okay? What happened?"
"Well, Little Rina over here needed a little bit of medical attention." You kindly tap her shoulder and she nods up at Peter, smiling. "She tripped and fell and no one was paying attention to her knee, so I decided to help her."
"That's..." Peter trails off, wondering how you could be so selfless when your own face was looking a bit worse for wear. "That's sweet of you to do. How do you feel, kiddo?"
He kneels towards her, and she grins really big. "Better!"
"Alright, high five then." Peter high fives her, and she dashes off afterwards, most likely looking for the parent she came with.
"Why didn't you respond to my calls?" Peter asks you as soon as you turn back to him. "I thought... I thought the worst had happened-"
"Peter, please. Stop with the wounded ego." May calls him out, listening from the sidelines. "What's important is that she's safe and in one piece- that's more than enough to feel grateful about."
Peter looks down, ashamed. He knows May is right, and he has to swallow his pride for a moment.
"I'm sorry, Peter." You grasp his hand, and he looks back at you, jaw tight as he listens. "I didn't mean to not answer your calls- my phone got shattered. And I didn't know where to find you after I woke up- I was already being taken away by Sable guards to 'safety' and then I decided my best chance to find you was over here."
"Oh." Peter feels kind of dumb, but he also feels glad you think of FEAST as a spot to find him. "I should've kept you safe."
"Don't. Don't make yourself crazy with what you could've done." You plead with him, and he sighs but shakes his head. "My arm will heal with time. I guess I landed on it weirdly and broke it."
Peter winces. "Well, you can always ask me for help if it bothers you. I'm there for you."
He traces your lip, where the cut under is still a red-brown, harsh hue in comparison to the pink of your bottom lip, and May takes this as her cue to leave.
Peter snorts. "I wish you had my-"
"Super healing? Yeah, I wish that too." You laugh. "Were you lucky enough to not get hit, or did you just heal on the way here?"
Peter's reaching for a facial bandage and some rubbing alcohol. "The latter."
"Ugh, lucky bastard." You smile up at him, cringing only slightly as Peter rubs away the blood from your wound. "I'm just glad that means I don't have to worry too much about you."
"You still do." Peter remarks, placing the bandage on your face. "But that just means you love me."
And, being ever so thankful that you're safely back in his arms, Peter places a soft kiss on your forehead, and then a slightly-less-soft one on your mouth, hoping it doesn't hurt you, but happy that you kiss him back anyways.
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anantaru · 1 year
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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐀 𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐈𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐎𝐓
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after a long day you find yourself back in between scaramouche’s warm embrace while gossiping to your hearts content.
୨୧ A/N: i couldn't help myself and had to bring my own personal headcanon of boyfriend kuni to life !
୨୧ WARNINGS: fluff, gn! reader, he‘s a gossip boyfriend we know, this is from a small headcanon i have which i posted earlier.
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what’s there better in life than slowly dancing into your boyfriends firm arms after a long tired day full of working out your duties.
"you’re so comfy kuni."
additionally, you’re aware that he’s quite content when you shower him in praise and caresses, it's truly a give and take of soft intimacy exchanged by the both of you.
to calm his mind, before anything, he’ll gather you in his arms and archons, kuni’s cuddles were the absolute best!
somehow they were reminding you of a sweet, warm blanket carefully laced over your tired body, coaxing out welding sparks of deep affection.
not to mention that it aided the coldness that clasped on your shivering skin, balancing out your natural body heat.
with you tightly nuzzled on his chest and resting, scaramouche softly placed his hand on your head, massaging your scalp with tiny, circling movements of his firm fingerpads.
"care to tell me about your day?"
with this, he could clearly perceive the heightened beat of your heart on him, how the vibrations soothed his being and soul alone, no time to be wasted, freezing in place with only you both present.
moreover, your breathing was warm and firm on his skin, it aroused an emotion of familiarity in the back of his mind.
a love like this was cherished by him forever, nothing could beat this.
"my day was fine, you should’ve seen my co-worker though."
at the climax of your sentence, you propped your chin on his chest while being tightly encircled by his caring arms, continuing.
"i think he took back his ex."
scaramouche raised his eyebrow at you, his eyes lit up with an inner glow of mischief, "you mean the co-worker that got cheated on?"
on a serious note, he couldn’t suppress a giggle this time, your random stories might be the very thing he looked forward to the most.
"you remember? yes, they got back together!"
a bemused, loving smile swelled within you, most people won't think much of it but the fact that scaramouche remembered a random story you had told him a month ago was filling you with sweet joy and bliss, flabbergasted in delight.
"huh, why shouldn’t i remember?" the witty commentary was the norm, you were used to it by now and found it rather amusing.
"my memory is still good why thank you."
scaramouche had his lips slightly curved up in a flustered smile, melting in a smirk, his eyes were lightly averted back and roamed through the empty, warm room.
"your memory is the absolute best kuni." in all honesty, he had no words for the gratitude he perceived in that stilling moment from you.
as if the whole wide world was casting love on him.
"so what now?" on a deeper tone, he questioned your sudden silence, pulling you out off your daydreaming thoughts.
"what happened next? don't leave me on a cliffhanger!"
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©2022 anantaru do not share, copy, translate
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How does Minotaur!Konig handle an argument with his wife/his wife being upset with him? He clearly avoids making her upset as much as possible because he loves her and only wants to see her happy, and she loves and accepts him as he is, quirks and all so I don't really see them getting into fights but maybe he gets way too reactive and violent with someone in town over a perceived slight and she gives him the silent treatment on the way home or something. I feel like he'd be so sad even if she only didn't talk to him for like an hour 😞 I can also see his insecurities/abandonment issues coming into play, he starts overthinking and makes it a whole big thing in his head and meanwhile she's already forgetting that she was even upset with him. These are just my thoughts but maybe you have something else in mind/see it playing out differently!
Yes absolutely!!
Minotaur!König cannot cope with this shit at all. The last time he did something “bad” ended in him being thrown into a cold, dark Labyrinth. Even as a grown man he goes straight into survival mode if he sees that he has somehow disappointed his beloved 💔
His wife knows how König is so it would take a lot for her to visibly show she’s upset with him. Our bull tries to avoid chaos as best he can which means arguments between these two are extremely rare — but they do happen! Because one thing you must know about all versions of König is that they think they’re always right. Minotaur!König is just as thick headed as the rest of them so if he thinks that “his cause is just” then he will stand his ground no matter what. He will claim that water is wine if he thinks it’s so!
Some petty perceived insult directed at his wife could get him riled very easily, could get them both into trouble because König won't cool down before he’s drawn blood. He wants to give this poor soul's head to his wife, on a plate if possible, and if he can’t do that the tension just won’t go away. How can life go on if he hasn’t done what’s right??
She has to guide König in social situations and explain later what it was all about, what different phrases mean and how he can’t just kill people if they don’t behave the way he wants them to. In some ways, she knows she is dealing with a child and has to be patient, how could this poor man know how to behave when he lived underground all those years? All he was taught was that he’s evil, unwanted and ugly, so the last thing she wants to do is hurl blame at him and scream. Silent treatment would totally be one of her ways to show him he didn’t get points home this time, but for König even the tiniest distancing looks like she’s abandoning him. Throwing him mentally into a tiny tiny Labyrinth, telling him he’s not wanted, that he’ll never be loved :(
And poor König doesn’t know what to do and how to be, for a while the anxiety threatens to take over. He reaches for her hand, then pulls away fearing she doesn’t want to be touched. He tries to talk, but nothing comes out because he doesn’t entirely understand what he should apologise for. He stands in the middle of the room and watches her blow air on the coals and just go on about her day, thinking that the time has finally come when she tells him to get out of the house.
It takes years before König takes the initiative in reconciling because he simply doesn’t know how to do it. Blunt, pained statements such as “Are you upset with me,” and “You’re disappointed in me” are common before he learns that the world is not going to end even if they’re not happy with each other all the time. His wife is usually the one who comes to him and says that everything is okay and that she was only upset with what he did, not with who he is.
Just imagine this adorable goof being both stubborn in his "I don’t have to say I’m sorry" policy and crippled by his "Are you going to abandon me" fear 💔 How can you even be angry at this man? There’s no chance, especially when he’s a jerk only once or twice a year 🩷🦬
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“Home”
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Pairing: Emily Prentiss x female!reader
Category: Hurt/Comfort
Summary: While working on a case, the memories of your past came flooding in, and Emily was there to comfort you in the aftermath.
TWs: violence, guns, mentions of abuse, childhood trauma
Word count: 3.1K
It has been a horrible couple of days, to say the least, and you hated when this happened - when a case hit a little way too close to home. Sure, you’ve learned to compartmentalize pretty well in those 2 years you had been working for the BAU, but this time it was different.
You couldn't shake the image out of your mind, the look on that boy’s face who managed to murder -execution style- three happy families before you caught him on his 4th one. The fear, the pain, the desperation - the eyes always tell the unspoken stories. It was almost like he was pleading you to get to him before he could destroy another family.
“Let me talk to him”, you told Hotch on the phone while you were riding with Emily to the house, “I know I can get him to surrender before he hurts them”.
Of course, Hotch knew your background and he checked up on you multiple times during the case - which you were grateful for, even though you didn’t actually like the extra attention that was obviously visible to the rest of the team. In addition, you also hated that they knew, on some level, that your background couldn’t have been a lot more different than the unsub’s.
Emily, who was glancing at you from time to time, fought really hard with herself to say nothing at your request. It was not her place to make that decision, even though her mind was screaming at her to say no, or to say something at all.
Also, you were too stubborn (or determined, as you liked to call it) to be talked out of this. She knew, but that didn't make her heart race any less.
”And I need to do it alone-“, you added but were immediately interrupted this time.
“Absolutely not!”, she almost yelled at your crazy request.
It felt like suicide, walking alone into a house where the murderer would not hesitate to shoot her - he proved that many times with the other families.
”Emily-“
”y/n”, you heard your name coming from the phone this time, “I know you see him different than we do-“
”I don't see him any different, I just know that if we all go into the house he’ll feel too threatened to even have a chance to cooperate. His instincts will kick in and then he will for sure not hesitate to use his gun. If I go alone, he won’t perceive me as a threat, and I'll have the chance to talk to him, whilst you can have my back from the outside”, you were determined to do this and you knew you had a good point of view.
There was pure silence for a few seconds.
”If at any point you feel like he won't cooperate, we’ll be coming in”, Hotch told you.
”Thank you”, you said, but you couldn't bear to look at Emily, you knew exactly the look that she was giving you right now.
You noticed her tensed greep on the steering wheel, how her knuckles were almost white and you knew deep down that she just wants you to be safe. But this was not her battle to fight, unfortunately. It was yours.
As you stepped into the house, you heard a terrifying scream coming from the living room, followed by the sound of a gun. You knew you only had a few minutes before the room would go completely silent forever.
With your gun in your hand, you rushed there as fast as you could.
”Danny Brant, my name is y/n y/l/n and I’m from the FBI”, you quickly scanned the room then, noticing how the husband was laying on the floor, being the one who was shot - you figured- but not deadly, and the wife was standing frozen next to him while the unsub had their little boy, who was just 6 years old from what Garcia told you.
“Stop! Don’t come any closer or I'm gonna shoot him!”, he yelled, but you noticed his hand trembling on the gun that was pointed to the kid's head.
”Oh my god!”, you heard the mom sobbing, “please don't do this!”.
However, he didn't even look at her, his whole attention was on you and the weapon that was pointing at him.
”You’re not, Danny , we both know that you don't want to hurt him. You’re just trying to get rid of all the pain that lies within yourself right now, but this is not the solution”, you looked at him, almost as desperately as he was looking at you, hoping that he would understand, “you can still fix this, just let me help you”.
”You want to help me?”, he scoffed, “don’t pretend like you’re any different from the others, you don't care about me, you don’t understand-“
”But I do”, you took a deep breath, lowering your gun and putting it on the floor. There was no going backwards now. “I understand, the world didn't treat you with the kindness that it treats other people and it hurts. Your parents didn't give you the unconditional love that every child deserves and it hurts even more. You suffered alone through the abuse, through years of not hearing “I love you” not even once, and you wondered what was wrong with you all this time. You tried anything in your power to make them proud, to make them smile when they were looking at you, despite the fact that you were their punching bag every single day, and nothing worked. So the pain turned into anger until you couldn't control it anymore - it controlled you. I understand”, your voice almost cracked, but you knew you were getting through him.
Hope filled your chest as you continued.
”You turned your anger towards happy homes, towards the things that life did not give you, but it gave to others, because it's not fair, is it?”
”Why not me?”, tears pricked his eyes, but for once in his life, he finally felt understood - although he was not ready to let go yet.
”I asked myself the same question many times, Danny, and I still don't know the answer. But what I can tell you is that inflicting your pain on others will not make yours go away. What you already did cannot be undone, but you can still make the right decision here. Please, let the little boy go”, you pleaded, knowing that this was his only chance before the team would have to intervene.
Immediately, he just started crying, loosening his grip on the kid and putting the gun on the floor. No words were spoken, he just watched as you approached him with the cuffs in your hands, then glanced to the mother who was hugging her son like her life depended on it and ultimately to all the other agents that were entering the house
“I'm so sorry”, was all he said before you handed him to another police officer.
You hurried to get out of the house, not being able to stay there even for a few more seconds. Everyone worriedly looked at you as you passed through them - you knew they heard everything, but you were too exhausted to feel anything. You just wanted to rot in your hotel room for the rest of the night, for once being grateful that you weren’t leaving until the next day.
Only when you were finally outside, you felt like you could breathe again.
You went back to the hotel before anyone else.
You’ve lost count of how many times the scene played in your head, and each time, your chest felt a little bit heavier than before. You couldn't arrange the thoughts in your head, you couldn't do anything more than just breathe.
This wasn't like you, it wasn't supposed to get to you this much, especially after experiencing cases that were much more disturbing than this one. But it still did, and you hated it.
Hated how weak you felt.
The wound you tried so meticulously to heal over time reopened in a matter of days, but this wasn't even your main concern. You just wanted to show your team that you were just as capable to do your job as everyone else, but was the cost worth it?
Your thoughts were interrupted by a sudden knock on the door and you already knew who it was. You don't even know how much time has passed from the moment you left the scene until now, to you it felt like hours. And for the first time in those days, getting out of bed didn't feel like a chore anymore.
“Emily-”
”y/n”, you both spoke at the same time.
You saw the concerned look on her face and you wished you could make it go away. Wished that you didn’t have to carry so much pain within yourself, that you couldn’t even talk about it with the person you love the most.
She immediately hugged you and you melted in her embrace. With her arms around you, it was the only time your mind was quiet.
“Look at me”, she gently said, lifting your chin to look into your glossy eyes, ”Oh, my sweet angel. I know you’re not okay, and if you want to talk about it, I’m here. Always. I love you. You don't have to be alone in this”.
But it's all you’ve known in your entire life. You have always been careful about what you let out about yourself to others, too scared of confessing your struggles to the few people who actually cared and loved you, thinking that they would leave.
Because who would want to love the mess of a person you were?
“y/n?”
Shit, you’ve been silent for too long.
“Can we j-just, uhm, lay in bed for a while?”, your voice came out more of a whisper, fearing that you would break down right then and there if you actually spoke out loud.
”Of course, come here”, Emily took your hand in hers and guided you right back to where you were a few minutes ago.
Instinctively, you laid your head on her chest as she was holding you, taking in the scent of her perfume. You smiled - it was your favorite.
It was silent for a while, which you were grateful for. Emily never pushed you into doing anything you weren't ready to do. But it suddenly became too much - the comfort of her hand caressing through your hair, the dozens of kisses that she was leaving wherever she could - the top of your head, your forehead, your hand that she was holding into hers - the sweet, encouraging words that she was whispering to you with the most loving tone you’ve ever heard in your life, the tears that threatened to form from the beginning of the day managed to betray you and escape this time.
From that moment, it was too late to stop them. So you cried. You let the tears carry away the pain, the emotions that you’ve bottled up these past few days, the feeling of failure and the struggles that you’ve carried on your shoulders all your life.
And Emily was there, just as she promised, holding you, soothing you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as your tears fell on her chest until you had no more left.
“I’m sorry”, was all that you were able to say.
“Sweetheart, you have nothing to apologize for”, she said, lifting you for a bit so that your eyes would meet.
There was nothing but sincerity in them.
”But I have, Em. I've ruined your shirt, I worried you all day, we've barely spoken since we got here about anything that didn't include the case and I’m so, so sorry”, your body fell back into her embrace, a part of you clinging to her in the desperation of not wanting her to leave.
”Angel, I don't care about the shirt, it will dry eventually. I care about you. So about the rest - yes, I’ve been worried, because I love you and I want to help you. You’re not alone, even if your mind is telling you that”, she sighed, rubbing circles on your back, “I wish I could take your pain away and only see that beautiful smile of yours, but life isn't that easy. So you never have to apologize for something that was never in your control, okay?”
You exhaled sharply, not even acknowledging that you were not breathing in the first place. She was right, of course she was, but apologizing was all you’ve ever known. And you wanted nothing more than to let her through your walls, but that was not something you’ve ever done with anyone.
You have always been alone.
“I love you too, Em”, you said, looking down at your intertwined hands, “I just don't know how to do this…where do I even start?”
”How about you tell me what’s on your mind right now?”
You sighed again, a chuckle coming from your mouth. At least you don’t have to tell everything, thanks to your conversation with the unsub.
“I guess I’ve never been good at letting things go. I mean, it was a long time ago. It technically doesn't matter anymore. And yet, I cannot let it go, a part of me always knew that, but I had buried it deep enough to not affect me until, well, now”.
You took a deep breath again before continuing, holding slightly tighter onto Emily.
”You know why I wanted to go in that house alone today?”, you asked, wanting to make her understand, “He's 18, the same age I was when I was finally able to move out of my parent's house. I applied to universities that were far away from where I lived and managed to get a good scholarship in the process. I've never talked to them since”, a single tear runs down your cheek as you speak, the sorrowful feeling of recalling those unwanted memories hovering over you, “I wanted to give him the opportunity to have his own life, away from his family, even if that meant in jail”.
”But that anger, I understood it. The anger of having to spend my life recovering from things that I should have been protected from. The anger of losing the carefree, happy child that I once was and being forced to grow up, to take care of myself on my own”, you spoke with the suffering that you endured, and Emily's heart broke.
She knew you weren't done, but she already hated your parents for everything they’ve done to you. But she didn’t say a word, instead she took your hand to her lips, while she used the other to hold you tight.
”And there was also the confusion, you know? Why wasn’t I ever enough, why couldn't I gain their love no matter how much I’ve tried. Sometimes I would lay awake late at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering if I was doomed from the moment I was born or if I was at least loved when I was too little to remember it”, your voice cracked at the end, the too familiar ache in your chest consuming you once again, “Am I so hard to be loved?”
”No. y/n, look at me”, Emily said in an instant, cupping your chin for you to look into her eyes, “I absolutely despise them for putting you through this, for making you question your worth, because, my angel, loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, you hear me? I love everything about you, from your perfect eyes that I get lost into every time I look at you, to your beautiful, contagious smile that lights up the room and which makes my day go from 0 to 100 in a split second”, she immediately noticed the faint smile on your face, and her chest blossomed with love.
“But it doesn't stop here. I love how whenever we spend time at each other’s places, you always wake up a little bit earlier than me in order to make coffee, even though you hate waking up early. I love how your eyes spark with happiness whenever one of your favorite songs comes on the radio and how you immediately start singing it to me. I love watching the stars with you from my bedroom. I love the fact that I get to know the soft side of you which you never show around the others. I love every movie we watch from the start simply because you’re next to me. I love slow dancing in the living room with you even if you always say you're a terrible dancer”, she laughs at the memories of those amazing days that she wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
”Em, I am a terrible dancer”, you giggled with her, a new set of tears appearing.
But these ones weren't carrying the agony of your horrible past, but the comfort and gratitude towards the woman that turned your life around and showed you the definition of love.
”You're not!”, she exclaimed, wiping your tears away, “But this was not the point here. The point is, you’re not hard to love, not at all, not to me. And I’m so sorry that your parents couldn't see what an amazing daughter they had, but ultimately it’s their loss. I know it hurts you nonetheless, but you’re so strong angel, and I’ve always admired that about you. You’ll carry those memories of everything that happened for the rest of your life, but it's still going to be okay. And whenever it doesn’t feel like it, I’ll be there to remind you”, she placed a kiss on your forehead, hoping you understood that you’re not alone - not anymore.
You didn't know what to say, the shock of someone understanding your pain, your past, and still loving you put you at a loss of words. You slowly got up from her embrace and kissed her, softly and gently, with the weight of a thousand unspoken words.
Pulling back, you looked at her hopeful smile, her glistening eyes, and you wondered how you got so lucky to be able to call her your girlfriend.
“Thank you, Em”, you genuinely smiled, “Thank you for finding me worthy of love, despite the mess that I am”.
“y/n, we’re all a mess in our own ways. But thank you for letting me see yours, because it only made me love you more”.
You placed a tended kiss on her lips once more before melting into her embrace once again, exhaustion filling your body.
And right there, in her arms, with your head on her chest, listening to her beating heart, you’ve never felt safer.
You knew then - you have found your home.
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patricia-taxxon · 7 months
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So, I watched that response stream that DeadwingDork made about my furry boinking video, here it is if you're curious.
youtube
By some accounts, this gentleman seems like he means well, with regards to pronouns he pulls the "when in doubt, they/them" gambit, which is partway there. If he finds this, I'll politely let him know I don't use they, just she & it. Thanks!
I have good reason to believe he began this journey in good faith, but over the course of the video he slowly gives up being charitable, and it's very frustrating to watch. There's a few key moments of miscommunication I noticed that I'd like to clear up.
DeadwingDork and I got off on the wrong foot very early on, and part of that's my fault. I start the video openly lusting after Garth Alphandomega, and this put him on edge. This might be an ideological difference we can't get past, he says that Garth is "Just a wolf" when I personally think he's quite different from a wolf. After that, I do the joke where I say "If the opportunity presented itself I would fuck my-" and cut to The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe, but he didn't have the context to understand what I'm saying by cutting to that album in particular, so he thought I was jokingly saying I would fuck my dog. He spends the rest of the stream with that initial impression of me lusting after what he perceives as literal animals, it's kinda the initial rock that starts the avalanche and closes him off from understanding basically anything that I'm saying, until the end, where he's convinced I've just spent 43 minutes coming out as a zoophile.
This might just be a difference in artistic philosophy, like he interprets Alpha & Omega to be about wolves whereas I interpret it as being about people through the aesthetic lens of wolves. Metaphor isn't just for abstract art movies, after all. Garth walks on 4 legs, but he has enough obvious persistent human-like traits both visually and behaviorally for me to understand him as a person delivered via wolf. For the same reason, he is disturbed by my lusting for Shoukichi Pompoko, because he interprets that movie as literally being about tanuki. I think this the main reason the concept of a character being "simultaneously human and inhuman" completely whiffed on him. He skimmed over my segment on how Leo can be both a wolf and hispanic & didn't understand the relevance, because I don't think that contradiction can be resolved in his head.
The most frustrating part of this stream is the way he clearly picks up on a lot of the overarching subtext that I'm putting down, but by that point in the video he doesn't have enough faith in me to interpret it as being put there intentionally. He treats the connection between my special-ed dog training and my current animal identity as an unintentional self-report, when it isn't. There's this *maddening* segment where I talk about Pom Poko for the first time, and he... honestly quite accurately picks apart the picture I'm illustrating about alienation, but he handwaves it away in favor of his horrible mangling of the exact literal sentence I am saying at that moment.
He says:
"There's clearly a story here, but it's being buried. There's a lot of stuff that's leading towards... 'oh, you watched this movie and this movie and your parents did this and your fuckin' teachers did this, and that's why this is happening.' That's like the fuckin' undertones of this video, [but] the main takeaway is supposed to be that this movie... I dunno, makes you f.. is supposed to feel like how fuckin' animal people feel like they're... whatever, I don't, I don't... whatever."
He grabs at the subtext, the story I'm obviously telling with the surface level anecdote of my experience seeing Pom Poko when I was young. I say obviously, because he and his chat both understood it. But then he discards that, assumes it was unintended, and importantly, he doesn't have a good answer for what I'm actually saying divorced from that. Because... what's even left after you remove the subtextual story I'm telling with this anecdote? The anecdote itself? Of course he's empty handed.
Other notes:
He can't decide whether I'm an over zealous recruiter trying to call everything furry, or that I'm a gatekeeper trying to force robust definitions of 'furry' into the general lexicon. This isn't very important, it's just kind of funny.
He is dismissive of me saying I won't report news if my only source is Kiwifarms, but he doesn't really give a good reason for it. I am having trouble summarizing his argument for why I should have referenced a website whose users doxxed me. He hilariously suggests that I should negotiate with them to have my address taken down, as long as I'm not a "lolcow" about it. I'll be charitable and say that I don't think he's thought this through very much.
He hates that I "compare autistic people to animals," when that really just doesn't mean anything on its own. A comparison is a comparison, a follower of mine pointed out to me they could say that trans people are like cockroaches & it could either mean they are doggedly resilient in the face of harsh circumstances or that they are pests that need to be exterminated. I meant something specific by using an animal metaphor to describe my autistic identity, and it transcends the literal reading of "calling autistic people animals."
He derisively calls Echo a "gay furry sex game" when it simply is not. I'll forgive him for this because he hasn't played it, but Echo isn't porn, it's a horror game. There's sex in it, and it has the framework of a dating game, but it is far from the main appeal. I'm not saying this to elevate Echo above the degrading label of "porn," because Adastra is definitely porn and it's almost as good, just not as easily recommendable to outsiders.
He thinks its commendable that Sean Booth bought my album, which is nice.
Overall, I don't think DeadwingDork is outwardly hateful, but he is quite gullible. He accepts hate speech at face value and buys into narratives useful for hate movements. There's echos of trans groomer panic, that old "you're the reason people are transphobic" chestnut, and of course, using Kiwifarms as a news source. He said he came into the video knowing nothing about me and had no reason to be approaching me in bad faith, but he clearly doesn't trust me enough to think the main rhetorical thrust of the video was intentional.
bad stream lol
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onlyhuis · 1 month
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late night talking
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member — minghao x f reader genre — angst, idk if there's enough fluff for this to count as hurt/comfort but the ending is sort of happy ? word count — 2.1k synopsis — the best and worst conversations always happen at 1am. warnings — reader is very drunk and very very insecure, lots of crying, lots of internal back & forth, unreliable narrator moment, refers to reader as girlfriend/my girl/etc., idk if i'm missing anything else but lmk if i am notes — this is an old fic that i never really intended to be released but @onlymingyus and @wooahaeproductions convinced me otherwise. sorry this is not at all what i normally post lmao i swear don't write like this often i just found this in my drive that i wrote when i was in a very shitty mood. we will return to your regularly scheduled smut programming soon i promise lmao! leave a comment in the reblogs or send an ask if you enjoyed this? idk i am nervous to post this pls don't perceive me too much
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you're ugly when you're drunk.
“hao?”
your voice rings throughout the house, the sound shaky and quieter than usual.
he wouldn't even have known you were home if he hadn't heard your friend's car pull up minutes ago, bright headlights flashing through the bedroom window. he wouldn't have known, if he wasn't already worried sick at you being gone so long and consuming an unknown amount of alcohol. he should've been there with you, but too much was riding on the deadline for his students’ grades that had to be finished before midnight. any other day he would've been by your side the whole night, a steady hand on your arm for balance and a sharp eye on your glass just in case. he loves playing the role of protective boyfriend, letting his girl do whatever she wants because he'll always be there to watch over her. but he couldn't do that tonight, and it tears him up inside.
he hears your trudging footsteps down the hall, soft footfalls signalling your approach as you drag yourself towards the room. he pretends not to hear; he doesn't want to make a big deal out of this and embarrass you.
“you're home early,” he comments with a chuckle, but his sarcasm is lost on you in this state. it's well after 1 in the morning, and you tilt your head in confusion at his words, brows deeply furrowed.
“what— are you working on?” you ask after a moment, focusing all your energy on not stumbling over your words. 
you know how drunk you are, he knows how drunk you are, but even now you're still putting on an act. you hate feeling stupid in front of him, and right now you couldn't feel any stupider. the worst part is that you feel as stupid when you're sober as you do right now, but you couldn't tell him that.
he pauses, choosing his next words carefully as he surveys your current state. he can't risk hurting your feelings, especially in such a vulnerable headspace.
“grading finals,” he decides on. not too detailed to confuse you, not too simplified to make you feel stupid, just enough to make you feel involved.
distantly you feel your eyes welling up with tears. you don't know why, but at the same time you know exactly why. you're never good enough compared to him, not when you come home drunk in the dead of night, and he never does. not when he's so good at everything he touches, so talented and beautiful and perfect, and you're… not. 
he deserves someone at his level, an artistic genius like him who can help him with his work. someone with an eye for his paintings, someone smarter, someone prettier, someone who can keep him on his toes. someone who won't drag him down and burden him with your obvious lack of skill and your quality of being so embarrassingly lightweight that you need to be supervised at all times. 
“i’m sorry,” you finally muster. you can't find the words to explain what you mean, but you hope he's able to sense your sincerity.
“what for?” he asks. his voice is softer now. 
you hate it when he uses that voice. he's talking down to you, talking like you're a child and he has to explain everything to you in the gentlest way possible because you aren't capable of handling the truth.
you love when he uses that voice. sometimes he can be so blunt it almost feels isolating, but when he talks to you like you're a child in that sweet, gentle, kind tone you feel like everything will be okay. he can soften himself for you, drop his straightforward persona around you and be the tender man you know he's capable of being. 
you lift your eyes to his computer screen and the feelings you've been struggling with float back into view. “i'm sorry,” you repeat, voice cracking despite the effort you put in to stop it from breaking. it's all you can say.
you don't notice when the tears overflow, bursting from your eyes without a sound. you're embarrassing, you're an idiot, standing in front of him with red eyes and hunched shoulders as tears stream down your cheeks. you don't even feel them fall.
if he knows what you're trying to convey with your tearful apologies, he doesn't mention it. 
of course he knows, how could he not when he's so astute with everything? you suck at keeping things to yourself. 
of course he doesn't know, why would he take the time out of his busy schedule to care about how you're feeling? you're not worth his energy.
the moment seems to stretch on for eternity, standing in front of him. you don't know why you started dating in the first place; he doesn't have the time, you're too annoying, too clingy, too affectionate. standing in front of him, you don't feel anything. you just feel cold.
you turn to drag yourself out of the room, deciding that you've embarrassed yourself enough by now. you don't know where you'll go or what you're doing, probably to pour yourself a glass of water and try to sleep on the couch. obviously he won't want you to sleep in his bed when you’re like this, why should he? you aren’t deserving of that privilege.
but then you feel a warm hand on your wrist, gently tugging you back towards him. you lose your balance, stumble over your feet, fall onto his lap. you're mortified, barely able to get another “sorry” out before trying to stand again on wobbly legs. you shouldn't be here. you're so aware, so painfully conscious of your weight on him, every ounce of energy you have left fighting to keep yourself from annoying him even further but it feels like it's too late. everything that comes from you is too little, too late.
“no,” he says. his tone is still that soft, sweet sound, but his voice is firm and you don't try to get up again. “we can talk tomorrow,” he says as he begins to run his hand along your back, and you hate yourself for the way you instantly melt at his touch. “just… relax. calm down.”
your body slouches against his chest, feeling like a puddle on his lap, head tucked into the crook of his neck whether you meant to or not. your legs dangle limply off his lap, arms wrapped loosely around the back of his chair as he holds you.
“it's okay,” he says simply, still stroking his hand along your back in small, soothing motions. “it's okay.” he repeats the words, maybe to convince himself but mostly to convince you from having a breakdown. even now when he's treating you so delicately, your brain won't let you rest: he's probably scared of you, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean any of it and he's using whatever means necessary to stop you from turning hysterical or even violent. of course it doesn't mean anything to him. 
“how much did you drink tonight, baby?” he asks, and you know you should take that as judgmental but you don't have the energy left anymore. you don't note the twinge of concern in his voice, you can't see the look in his eyes as he gazes down at you.
“a little— a lot,” you answer, somewhat truthfully. the real truth is that you lost count. you weren't trying to get drunk, but one turned into two turned into ten and before you even knew what you were doing a car was dropping you off in front of your house.
he shifts his legs for you to sit more comfortably on his lap, and as much as you want to fight it you don't have the strength to. “do you want to go to bed?” he asks gently. “or do you want to stay up with me?”
“don't… want you to go to bed ‘cuz of me,” you mumble against his neck. god, his skin is so soft and warm. you couldn't move your body right now even if you tried. “not your fault.”
“what kind of guy would i be if i didn't take care of my girlfriend when she needs me?” he asks. “i can put you to bed if you want. it's alright. it's late anyway.”
“it's not– your job,” you manage to reply, and his hand on your back stops for a second.
“it is my job,” he says softly. he tucks a piece of hair behind your ear. “i'm sorry if you feel like i haven't done that.”
“please, don't— no sorry,” you choke out as fresh tears prick at your eyes. “it's my fault. i'm sorry. it's my fault.”
he holds you tighter, both arms wrapped around you on his lap now. “it's not your fault,” he says in that same firm but gentle voice. “you haven't done anything wrong at all. it's alright, baby, i promise. you don't have anything to worry about. why are you sorry?”
“i don't know,” you mumble. your hand clutches at his chest unconsciously, balling his t-shirt in your fist. “i dunno. i love you. i dunno.”
“i love you, too,” he says after a beat. the tears, the drunken outburst, he just lets it all happen. without a word of complaint. despite the voices in your head fighting to convince you otherwise, he never says a single negative thing to you.
you know he's not normally like this. with everyone else he's polite, unemotional, reserved. he's never vulnerable. which is why you're so confused right now.
“why?” you slur, still grasping onto hope.
he hums in questioning, nudging you to elaborate.
“why are you like this to me?”
but now he's the one who's confused. “like what?”
you pause, and the room goes quiet for a moment, the only sound your shallow breaths against his chest. “nice.”
for all his knowledge, this time he's actually lost. “why would i not be nice to you?”
“i don't deserve it.”
he shifts again, pulling you closer to his chest as he starts to run his fingers through his hair. “of course you do, baby.”
“you don't deserve me.”
he stops again, this time in shock. “hey. that's not true.”
“is too true,” you say. your eyes are closed and you can't help the frown overtaking your face. “you should have somebody you deserve. it's not me.”
he just sighs, and you feel his chest expand beneath your cheek at the deep breath he takes. “i love you, baby. not anyone else. you'll feel better in the morning, and we can talk then. but i'm not mad at you, okay? there's nothing wrong. everything's okay.”
you try to mimic his sigh, but the angle you're laying at on his chest and the alcohol in your system makes it hard to breathe deeply. 
“do you want to keep sitting with me?” he asks. he knows how much you like the sounds his keyboard makes, the quiet tapping as he enters grades and types comments to his students about things you could never fathom to understand.
your eyes stay closed and your head doesn't move. “yeah,” you murmur softly.
he settles back into his chair, you curled up on his lap. he's not doing much, he's finished the worst of it and now just entering numbers. he glances down at your figure, almost asleep on him, and he feels an ache in his chest. 
every emotion feels amplified to you right now, but if it took getting blackout drunk for you to finally say it then it must've been weighing on you for a long time coming. he wonders how long you've felt like this, felt inadequate compared to him, and it makes him pause. it was never his intention. when you're awake and sober and hopefully not massively hungover, then you can talk, and he can make this right.
he loves the person snuggled against his chest, loves the feeling of you comforted and protected by him, and he'll do anything to make sure you know that. he'll do anything to let you see yourself the way he sees you. above all the worries he has about you, he knows one thing for sure.
you're cute when you're drunk.
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i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!
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Text
Words of Wisdom
Simon Ghost Riley x Reader
Synopsis: After years of having feelings for your lieutenant, Soap convices you to confess how you feel.
Warnings: none
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You and the 141 had just gotten back from a rather tough mission. The mission itself was a success, but you had seen things within the intel you recovered you wish you could unsee. You were investigating a gang that was notorious for killing and torturing perceived enemies. The things on the tapes you recovered showed just how much pleasure the members took when doing such things. 
The boys had seemed rather undisturbed by the images, or rather they hid their emotions better than you had. You were shaken to the core, and silent on the plane ride home. The boys had tried their best to comfort you, to no avail. 
It was a few days later when Soap had approached you with the idea of joining him and the team at the local bar. Figuring it would be a great way to let off some steam, you obliged. 
You and Soap were sitting at a table at the local bar, watching Price, Gaz, and Ghost take turns at darts. You found your eyes lingering on Ghost. You had grown quite fond of the man since you two had started working together. The two of you just "clicked." Often finding yourselves in each other's company and enjoying each other's humor. You'd daresay the two of you were good friends.
"You know, you should just tell L.T. how you feel. Might be more effective than making googly eyes at him all the time." Soap chided, grinning from ear to ear as he finished off his beer. The Scotsman knew of your feelings for Ghost and had for some time. He swore to keep the information to himself, but that didn't mean he wouldn't nudge you from time to time to spill the beans to the masked man.
"I can't." You groaned, throwing your head in your hands. "Not only is it not ethical, as he's my lieutenant, but what if he rejects me? Johnny, I don't know how we'd come back from that."
"Never know until you try Lassie. Who knows, he may return your feelings." 
"I don't know." You huffed.
"Look, all I'm saying is what's the harm in putting yourself out there. The two of you deserve to be happy. Worst case, if he happens to reject you, I doubt he'd treat you any different. Man can be an arse, but it's clear he has some sort of soft spot for you." Soap said as he squeezed your shoulder gently. 
"I just think maybe he feels like he doesn't deserve anyone to care about him. He barely lets us get close to him as is. It's taken me years to get a fraction of the walls he has up, down." 
"True, I think possibly he just doesn't know how not to be "Ghost." Soap smiled sadly. "Maybe he needs someone to show him how to be himself again, in a way a friend can't."
You chuckled slightly, "Who knew you had so much wisdom in you, Johnny? Perhaps I should get you some more beers. Who knows what other words of wisdom the great Soap McTavish has in store."
"Oh you have no idea." Soap laughed. 
"I'm gonna go grab some air, I'll be back." You said, standing up to stretch. The air had gotten too stuffy, and you knew if you stared at Ghost any longer it would become too obvious. 
You made your way past the rowdy patrons of the bar, toward the steps for the roof access. As you opened the door the gust of cold wind hit your face, making you shiver.
You stared out into the night sky, watching your breath evaporate into the cold air. You stood there for a while, letting your thoughts wander, distracting yourself to the point you didn't hear the door open and shut behind you.
"Bloody freezing out here." You turned at the voice and saw Ghost walking toward you, rubbing his hands together. His usual skull mask was replaced with a simple black balaclava while donning a loose black hoodie and jeans. 
"That it is. Feels nice, though. That bar was stuffy as hell." You chuckled. 
Ghost said nothing in reply, just nodded his head as he came to stand next to you. 
The two of you stood in silence for a short while before he spoke up. "Wanted to make sure you were okay. Still seem pretty shaken up after that mission."
"Yeah, I'm good. Was a rough one, so I had a few drinks to shake it off." You stated plainly, picking at the chipped paint of the roof's railing. "Just was weighing on my mind more than I should've let it."
"You seem to have more on your mind than just the mission, Sergeant. You've been quiet tonight." Simon's gaze on you was intense. You could feel it burning into the side of your head.
"Alcohol has a tendency to run my brain a mile a minute. Came up here to try and quiet out my thoughts." You admitted, turning to meet his gaze. As your eyes met, you could see his expression soften. "And you? Doing okay?"
"Another day on the job." He grunted in response. "I'm willing to provide an ear if you need someone to talk to. Not always the best at advice, but my ears work wonders."
You found yourself staring at each other for a few moments. His expression still softened from before. You weren't sure if it was the alcohol or the look he held in his eyes, but you found yourself growing confident, so you decided to go for it. You would go crazy if it had gone on any longer without him knowing. 
"Can I speak freely then? And not to my lieutenant, to Simon."
"Course?" Simon looked perplexed at your request, but waited for you to continue. To say he was nervous about what you were going to say was an understatement.
"I want you to know that I see you. I really see you." You started nervously. There was no turning back now for you. Thinking of the words Johnny had said, you knew what you wanted to say. The question was, how would Simon take it? 
"Pardon?" Simon was even more perplexed at this.
"What I mean is… you have this facade that you carry around, making people believe that you're just some cold, distant man. I see through that. I see past Ghost, and I see Simon. Someone who is so worthy of being loved and cared for, someone who deserves happiness. I worry that perhaps you lost sight of him. I just want you to know that even though you may not see yourself as worthy, I do." 
Simon tensed at your words as they replayed over and over in his head. What exactly was it that you were trying to tell him? You were right, though, he didn't see himself as worthy of anything. After all he's lost in his life, he doesn't think he deserves having anyone close to him. 
Sensing his internal struggle, you continued. "I'm trying, poorly, to tell you that I care for you more than just as a friend. I have for a while. I was always too nervous to tell you because I didn't know how you'd react. And, frankly, I didn't want to lose you as a friend. I'd rather have that than not have you in my life at all." Your confidence was starting to falter. You knew he may not have much to say in reply, but you weren't expecting total silence. 
Simon only continued to stare at you, his dark eyes scanning your face, betraying none of the emotions he was actually feeling inside. He did care for you as more than just a friend. He's loved you for years, but believed he never deserved to have you like that. He had always been okay just being friends, as that's all he thought he deserved. There were so many things he wanted to say, but no words could convey what he was thinking, and all he could do was watch as your face fell. 
"I um. I'm sorry. Perhaps that was highly inappropriate of me. I shouldn't have said anything. We can just forget this happened, yeah? I'll catch you in the morning, sir." You whispered out, your emotions now hitting you like a truck. You didn't want to cry in front of Simon and make an even bigger fool of yourself. You wished you hadn't said anything, fearing now that things would never be the same for the two of you. 
You turned to start walking toward the door when his voice grabbed your attention. "Y/N."
You turned back to look at him, only to see that he had removed his balaclava. You'd never seen him without his mask before, and you couldn't help the small gasp that emitted from your mouth. 
You walked slowly toward him, admiring his features. His eyes were even more vibrant without the hindrance of his mask. You could see the freckles dusting his skin and the redness in his cheeks from the cold. To you, he was the most beautiful man you'd ever laid eyes on. 
Simon remained still, his eyes watching your reactions carefully. He was nervous how you'd react to seeing his face, but he figured this gesture was the only way he could show you how he felt.
A small smile was growing on your lips as you reached your hand out slowly toward his face, waiting for a sign from him that it was okay to touch him. He gave you a curt nod, so you placed your hand softly on the side of his cheek. His skin was warm and softer than you had expected. He closed his eyes at your touch and leaned into your palm slightly. 
"You are so handsome, Simon Riley." You breathed, stroking his cheek lightly. 
He opened his eyes at your words and looked down at you. You had both stood there staring intently at one another until Simon leaned forward to place his lips on yours. You sighed at the contact, pressing yourself into him further as you reciprocated the kiss.
He pulled away moments later with a hint of a smile on his face. "What do you say I take you back to base, make you a cup of tea? Too bloody cold out here."
"After you, sir." You beamed up at him, your cheeks now burning red from not only the cold but from Simon's kiss. 
He took your hand before placing his balaclava back on, and led you back down to the exit of the bar. As you passed Soap, you could see him wink at you, while throwing you a thumbs up. 
~~~~
A/N: I'm not sure if I wanted to turn this into a smutty part two as well or just leave as is. Hope you all enjoyed it!
2K notes · View notes
earthtooz · 1 year
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BABE I HAD AN IDEA- Reo Mikage ANGST where he calls reader a gold digging whore in the middle of an argument, ultimately affirming all of her insecurities so he has to figure out a way to show that he didn't mean it and that he's sorry without using his disgustingly abundant wealth 💔 anyways ilysm hope you take care of yourself
NO YOU ARE LITERALLY DISGUSTING FOR THIS (affectionate) YOUR MIND >>> YOU ARE SOOOOO RIGHT. SHUT UP THIS WILL LITERALLY BE THE MOST SCRUMPTIOUS FIC EVER BECAUSE I AM LITERALLY ABOUT TO PUT MY WHOLE EARTHUSSY INTO INCORPORATING THIS IDEA SOMEWHERE !!! BUT FOR NOW, TAKE THIS SNIPPET I WHIPPED UP IN ONE SITTING.
girl feel free to come back into my inbox WHENEVER and giving me your juicy ideas bc holy shit i loved this.
CW: HURT/COMFORT - A LOT OF BOTH, SWEARING, UNEDITED - I WAS GOING THRU IT WHILST WRITING THIS DON'T LOOK AT ME!
IMAGINE THIS: it's been a rough night for both you and reo, he's been through a lot in the past weeks because his dad just had to during the middle of soccer season to lecture reo about how to run a big business. the transition process is beginning to happen since father mikage is about to retire and although your purple-haired boyfriend has been preparing for this his whole life, having gone to business school part-time and graduating with honours, there's still a little part of him that feels weary from all the responsibilities.
all this accumulated stress needs to have an outlet eventually, right? welp, you just happened to be there at the right (wrong) time. you were simply delivering a platter of apples to your boyfriend who had his head in his hands, hunched over an endless pile of paperwork that was beginning to irk him with each passing second. countless images of him shredding up the paper flowed into his mind, a fury that manifested into his reality, except the paper was you D,:
one thing evolved into another, reo's endless stream of venomous words didn't stop flowing out of him as he spat poison after poison, burning you with the intensity of it all.
"you're so overbearing, can't you see that i'm fine? unlike you i can handle myself when things get hard," he spits, eyeing you with fury in his eyes, one that makes you gulp thickly.
"reo-"
-but you wouldn't know the first thing about fighting for what you want right, you fucking gold-digger."
that stops you in your tracks, silences you effortlessly, causing you to let your hands drop limply back to your sides as you stare at your boyfriend blankly. you're sinking into an abyss of hurt and insecurity, it's getting harder to breathe because of the way your chest swells with anger.
reo only continues, not noticing the way you physically and emotionally drop. "even if you don't give me attention for one second of the day, i won't forget you exist, so stop being so clingy and unnecessary! my money isn't going anywhere either, you don't need to occupy majority of my day so leave me alone. go shop online or something."
that was it. was that all reo perceived you to be? a dent in his money, the expenses of his bank account?
"fine. goodbye," you simply mutter before slipping through his office door, out in the hallway.
"don't bother me whilst i'm in here," he says with finality, one last declaration before you shut the door behind you.
the luxurious walls of reo's penthouse look down at you mockingly, the spacious area caging you in, chanting 'gold-digger' over and over again until it's all you hear.
staying here feels wrong.
so, you grab your purse and leave, as quietly as possible. slipping down to the garage where your (second hand) car was parked, you start the engine up and begin reversing out of the parking lot.
you begin to reflect on your relationship with reo. you love him, you really do, you love him because he's reo, the man who was always capable of making you smile, laugh, and make you feel like you were on top of the world. his money and fame was an added bonus that you truly didn't care much about.
but ever since dating him, you've had your own insecurities that have been forced on you by other people. there were crowds calling you a 'gold digger' who was only with reo 'for the money', and although you were sure of yourself and your intentions, your armour breaks down sometimes.
what reo said tonight was the final jab that allowed it to fully disintegrate.
you had a stable job of your own and finances to your own name, money wasn't something you avidly chased, sure having a few zeroes in your bank account was nice but that was all you really needed. as long as you could buy necessities and spoil yourself, it was satisfactory, and you could provide that for yourself!
reo loved to spoil you, showering you in luxurious gifts that you never knew how to accept. it would take a great deal of convincing for you to take what he bought you, and when you promised him to stop buying them for you, he agreed before buying you more material stuff.
as you pull up to the parking lot of the apartment complex that you resided in, you get into the elevator with a heavy heart, pressing the button to your floor with a lot of emotions.
the ride is silent. everything is so silent.
your apartment is even more silent. it's unused, slightly barren. your furniture was still there, except some dust had gathered on the tables and cabinets from how long you've neglected it.
the only reason you were able to keep your apartment was because you had no expenses outflowing since reo took care of almost everything. anything you needed, he bought it, groceries, bills, whatever, were charged on his card. for a period of time, your bank account merely grew and never decreased.
and since you hadn't been here for a while, electricity and water bills never bothered you too much.
you flop onto your made bed with a sigh. it wasn't as soft as reo's but you didn't find it in you to care, you just needed some well-deserved shut eye.
well, 'shut eye' occurred for merely an hour before your phone started vibrating violently.
with a groan, you shove your face back into your pillows before blindly reaching for your phone.
you already knew who it would be without looking at the caller id. of course reo would be looking for you, noting your obvious absence in his penthouse.
"hello?" you mutter.
"y/n? where the hell are you?" comes reo's frantic voice from the other line. he sounds genuinely concerned.
"doesn't matter."
"i'm sorry for everything i said. please, come back."
"reo, i'm tired, i can't do this with you right now."
"i'm sorry, i'm really really sorry."
"i don't want to hear this right now."
"i love you."
you sigh and you're sure reo can hear it on his end. unsure of how to respond, you just hang up on him before throwing your phone away. normally, you would feel bad about the way you left him, but that wasn't the case this time. you just needed to sleep on this.
but, it was reo you were talking about, and the last thing he was going to let you do was sleep without him.
at 1:24am, there's a series of ferocious knocks on your door, followed by screams of your name.
oh my god it was so embarrassing, you literally shoot out of bed as soon as you register what was happening and dash for your door. you don't want to disturb your neighbours' sleep and let them hear that the pathetic grovelling of your boyfriend. the entire hallway could hear reo and his shouting.
you open the door, pull him in, and slam it shut behind you again, leaving the purple-haired to stare at you with a bewildered expression.
"what are you doing here?" you hiss.
he looks at you the same way a puppy does when its owner kicked it out of the house.
you should've known that merely telling reo 'i don't want to hear this right now' would not be enough to pacify his determination and the fact that you hung up on him only intensified his pettiness. the purple-haired always sought you out, pulling himself into your orbit like a magnet. where you went, reo followed, even if it was to the ends of the world.
he had the money to do whatever he wanted, you suppose.
"i wanted to make sure you were safe," he pouts. "i didn't know whether you'd be here or not."
"well, i'm safe, and i'm here. so."
"i can see that," he leans against the back of your couch. reo looks so out of place in your small apartment, awkwardly playing with his hands. "so... should we go to bed?"
the audacity. "what do you mean 'we'? go back home, reo, i'll see you some other time."
as you turn around to go back to your bedroom, reo's quick enough to round around you, blocking you from the hallway with his larger figure.
"but you are my home. please, i'm really sorry about what i said, i didn't mean it," he pleads, grabbing your face so you could look him square in the eye.
you step out of his grasp easily, shaking him off. if you were in your right mind, you would've seen the look of heartbreak on reo's face.
"sure, if you didn't mean it then you wouldn't have said it in the first place, mikage."
you swerve around him to reach your bedroom and he follows you the entire time, trailing behind you, desperate for an ounce of your attention.
"i know i fucked up, but i didn't mean to hurt you and project my frustrations like that onto you when you were just trying to care for me." you sit down on your bed with a sigh and reo takes a seat beside you. "you know i love you right? like, a lot."
that's right. if there's one thing about reo it's that he loves you to an endless degree.
"thank you for always caring for me. i know you don't do it because you're after my money or fame, but because you want to ensure that i'm healthy and not rotting in all that i have to do," his voice cracks. is he beginning to cry. "i don't know what i'd do without you."
you let a beat of silence pass by before dropping your walls. he was always going to smash through them no matter what.
"i've always felt insecure in our relationship," you confess, no louder than an exhale and if reo wasn't holding on to every action of yours, he wouldn't have heard you. "being called a gold digger became normal when i started dating you and i didn't really care. well- i tried not to care."
you continue. "i don't want to let these comments get to me, but then you said it and... i don't know, it just felt horrible."
you feel an arm sneak under your leg, and another hand come to your elbow, both of which simultaneously pull you to straddle reo's lap. you don't look him in the eye- something he frowns at.
"i love you for you. you're the best i'll ever have, reo, but sometimes i-"
"-please don't finish that sentence," he murmurs, breath fanning against your face.
you meet his gaze. he's crying freely. tears are running down his cheeks like streams and you instinctively bring use your thumbs to catch the drops. you hate it when he cries.
"i don't want it to be anyone else but you," confesses the purple-haired. "i hate it when we're separated, i can't stay away from you too long or i think i will go insane."
his statement causes you to giggle a little.
"you laugh but i'm telling the truth."
"i laugh because you make me happy."
his arms wound around your waist, keeping you pressed against him, leaving you with no room to escape or part from him. just what reo likes.
"i'm sorry for what i said," he says against your collarbone. "when i didn't see you in our home, i didn't know what to think. i got so scared for a second because i had no idea where you could've gone so i started spamming your number-"
"-yeah wait, was calling me 24 times necessary?"
"i was going to keep calling you until you picked up so it could've taken 24 or 1000 times or more. now let me speak." you nod wordlessly, smiling a little at how silly reo can be. "and when i realised that you went back to your apartment, i felt horrible that i drove you out."
he looks up at you with glossy eyes.
"you came here because you wanted to prove me wrong, right? because you bought all this by yourself and don't need me, right?"
"well, kind of, but i also didn't want to be around you so i came back here."
reo frowns before leaning in to press delicate kisses to your neck. "please don't leave me. i need you by my side," he inhales before whispering his next statement. "even if you don't need me."
a hand of yours go up to thread through his hair. "don't say that," you use your other hand to direct his face away from your neck, pressing a kiss against his puckered lips. "i absolutely adore you, my love. you're my favourite person ever."
he smiles before leaning in again, kissing you with more fervour and passion. you can feel another tear slide down his cheek.
"lets go to bed, reo," you say when you part and he simply nods, laying you on the side of the bed before laying beside you, arms naturally finding themselves around your waist as reo tugs you as humanely close as possible. "sorry if this mattress isn't as comfortable as your twelve grand one back home."
"i couldn't care less," he whispers whilst tracing patterns on your bare skin.
so long as it's you he's next to, reo doesn't have a lot to complain about.
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mins-fins · 1 month
Text
orbit of yours !
"power couple, really?" "you have to listen to me!"
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synopsis: park jisung has always admired you. hardworking, effortlessly beautiful, talented, humble— you're pretty much the personification of the word 'perfect' (you would disagree though), but your relationship has never gotten past "admirers that occasionally exchange words", so jisung has vanquished the idea of possibly being in love with you because of your lack of interactions, he's just an avid admirer of yours! so when a few accidents and mishaps force (more like drive) the two of you to be in the same room more than you ever had in the past, the idea doesn't just remain a random fantasy crafted by jisung's mind, it becomes reality.
pairing: park jisung x male!reader
genre: high school au, acquaintances to friends to lovers, photographer!reader x soccer player!jisung, fluff, kinda comedy (im not funny), mutual pining, literally no angst, fast burn lowkey, sungchan helps reader realize his feelings and it's hilarious
warnings: swearing, mentions of burnout, oblivious bitches deny their feelings for a good 10k words, this is fucking cheesy, the nightmare which is senior year
word count: 12.2k
notes: GOOD LORD IT IS FINALLY DONE! i don't wanna be overdramatic or anything but this is genuinely one of my most favorite works ever, if you couldn't tell i am VERY jisung biased and im so happy to finally be done with this because it's honestly been so fun to write 🙁 i didn't beat the xiaojun fic in terms of words but this the second longest fic i have ever written and for my jisung debut its impressive that there is absolutely NO ANGST here, i'm just very proud of myself for this and i hope people like reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.. this is for all the park jisung lovers 👍
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"WHEN WILL YOU ACTUALLY GET A PARTNER?" chenle asks the question so many times that jisung assumes the sentence has been programmed into his brain. what is it— like the 3rd time this week? he thinks chenle might be more obsessed with his love life than he is with actual important things, like college, graduation preparations, his role as a member of the student council, anything but jisung's uneventful love life, because that was probably the least interesting thing going on in his own life at the moment. "come on jisungie! i heard aejung has a crush on you!" he lets out a familiar groan, giving his friends a 'cut it out' look. "i don't really care about that kind of stuff.."
he hears all the frustrated sighs from his friends, and jisung just chuckles. he knows about the many surprisingly many— people who find themselves attracted to him. he acknowledges the fact that he has a lot of admirers, that a lot of people would perceive themselves as lucky to be in a relationship with him, he isn't new to the idea at all, he doesn't really get what makes him so attractive, such an eyeopener to his fellow students, but he mostly accepts the gifts given to him by his so called "admirers" nonetheless, not wanting to make them disappointed.
now, he says mostly because there are just times where he has no choice but to turn them down. some people get into their own heads too much, and he doesn't want to give some of them false hopes by accepting their gifts. that happened once, where a girl thought the two of them were dating because he decided to accept her gift as a sign of appreciation, that's when jisung learned that he couldn't just accept any and all gifts given to him by admirers who so greatly wanted a chance with him. jisung isn't so concerned about gifts, he wants a person who will be psychically and emotionally present for him, not someone who'll just buy him random things.
"it's gotten a little annoying.. all the confessions" jisung mutters, closing the textbook he had been jotting in. "they're nice yeah but some people just take it too far" he finally finishes, earning some confused looks from his friends. he just shrugs, shoving the textbook he had previously been jotting in into his backpack.
"but you're just so boring!" chenle whines, pressing his cheek against jisung's shoulder. jisung doesn't even try shaking him off, knowing that any of his attempts will be useless. "come on! all these people who would love to be with you and your still a lonely little loser!"
"loser? oh come on!"
"you know i'm right!"
jisung scoffs, lightly shoving chenle. while yeah, it's nice to have a lot of people admire him, everyone expects him to do this and that and act a certain way. it's like they enjoy perpetuating a false image onto him rather than actually admiring him for who he really is, and jisung doesn't think he should give people like that the time of day, they piss him off more than anything.
he's a little lost in his thought when a familiar voice sounds in his ears, a couple of giggles following the sound. "you're too funny y/n!" one of them shouted, poking a familiar figure in the shoulder, and jisung's eyes fall on you immediately, as if on instinct. you were looking as you always did, a familiar dslr camera hanging from your neck, that polite smile on your face as your friend continues poking your shoulder.
lately, you'd been quite the topic of interest among your fellow schoolmates. now that's not abnormal at all, you somehow always manage to be the talk of the town in school, you could do the smallest thing and somehow people could still make huge talk about it.
jisung would never say it, not out loud or even in mutters to himself, but he's always held a unique admiration for you, one he doesn't think he could actually put into words. there's something about you that pulls jisung in, like your a magnet and he's an oblivious piece of metal, slowly getting closer and closer to you without being able to do anything about it.
everything about you is beautiful. your eyes are a beautiful brown color, your smile is a beautiful stretch that shows off your perfect white teeth, your hair is a beautiful mix of raven and brunette. oh, and your voice is so beautiful too, it's so soft, gentle, but also deep.
you're like an angel.
at least to jisung you are.
it's pretty funny, actually, your so wrapped up in your own things that you barely notice the sheer amount of people who want to date you. you don't acknowledge romantic advances a lot, and even when you do, it always ends in rejection. you talk a lot, and your words are always pure and witty, your laughter is natural, your smile is contagious.
but.. jisung doesn't like you. he only likes you in the friend kinda way, he just wants to be friends with you. you look nice! smell nice, dress nice, speak nice..
jisung knows a lot more about you than his friends do. despite the fact that the two of you have never officially deemed yourselves "friends", he's always known little facts about you, as you him. the two of you have been going to school together for seven years, so the idea of not knowing anything about each other seems ridiculous.
you're a photographer, your favorite color is blue, specifically lighter shades, your favorite subject is history, your lucky number is 2 because of your birthdate being 02/02/02, your favorite flowers are daisies, you don't really enjoy sports, but if you were to choose one to play, it'd be baseball, and you want to go to college for journalism.
but jisung can't say that he likes you, because even if you two know all these things about each other, you've never considered yourselves "friends", all you do is admire from afar—
and when you do interact, it's just short and sweet sentences exchanged between you two, mostly because the both of you are so busy, that you can't afford to just stop and talk. sometimes, jisung wishes his life was just a little less hectic and he could stop and talk to you, because that's what he wants to do.
"what's with you?" jisung immediately yelps as chenle flicks his forehead, and he resists the urge to punch the older in the face. "gawking at y/n? really?"
"i'm not—" jisung hates that he feels his face burn. "i'm not gawking, i'm just.. i was just looking at him".
"looking at him with hearts in your eyes".
jisung scoffs at chenle's audacity, as if he wasn't doing exactly that a good few minutes ago. he would never admit it out loud before, so why should he admit it now? he'd never live it down if anybody ever found out..
"you know.." chenle begins, tapping his finger onto the desk in front of him. "you two would be a great couple" and the words are enough to make jisung roll his eyes once again. "a power couple!"
"power couple, really?" jisung raises an eyebrow, chenle never fails to say something that confuses him. he finds the words to be ridiculous, but his reaction just seems to make chenle even more giddy, because he continues;
"you have to listen to me!" chenle persists, and jisung is about to check out of the conversation completely.
"y/n is a photographer for sports journalism, you play soccer, you've known each for what.. ever? he's pretty, you clearly have the hots for him—"
"i do not!" jisung immediately yells in rebuttal, much louder than he wanted to. "yeah he's.. cute but anyone with eyes can see that, i'm not in love with him or anything".
chenle raises an eyebrow, suspicious, but jisung remains stubborn, crossing his arms as he averts his gaze from his best friend.
yes, you are cute, anybody with two functioning eyes can see that.
"i think park jisung might have a crush on you".
at the words, you look up from your camera, meeting eyes with your close friend, sungchan. you blink, as if dumbfounded, then snicker. "park jisung? are you trying to boost my ego or something?"
you know park jisung, you know about how probably half the students in this room dream of having a chance with him. so many people like park jisung, so many people want park jisung.
and if you think about it, you can't exactly blame them for that..
"don't laugh! i'm serious! he looked like he was about to devour you, did you see his eyes!?"
the words just get another laugh out of you, the words seem ridiculous in your eyes, because why would park jisung, beautiful, talented, striking park jisung have a crush on you? in your eyes, your pretty much nothing to him.
"okay.. why would park jisung ever be interested in me?" you ask, rearranging your camera as you raise an eyebrow at sungchan, who simply deadpans at you, that familiar 'are you serious?' look in his eyes.
"okay let me see, your smart, pretty, everyone likes you at this point, also— the two of you are pretty much perfect for each other! you'd be a power couple!"
you furrow your eyebrows, a power couple? you'd never heard that phrase used to talk about somebody your friends had been "shipping" you with, your not even sure if you can even consider yourself friends with jisung, because the two of you can never actually talk to each other without someone coming up and interrupting the interaction.
you'd love to just be able to talk to park jisung, just the two of you, one on one.
"power couple? that's funny.."
"you think everything is funny" ironically, you laugh at your friends words. "this could be like— your only chance at having an actual romantic connection with someone".
"i don't care that much about romance, chan" you muse, humming as you turn off your camera. your eyes wander over to jisung, who is very much distracted by something stupid chenle is saying, he's laughing about something, laughing hard too.
there is no reason for him to look so pretty as he laughs like a maniac..
he's cute, you say in your mind, he is absolutely adorable.
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"WHAT DID YOU GUYS GET ON THAT STATISTICS TEST FOR SONG?" a boy from the same year and member of the soccer team along with jisung inquired. they sat on the bleachers in front of field, watching as the baton club practices. they have to practice this week, unfortunately, so jisung's schedule had become tight and packed, he barely had any free time these days, it was all exams, college tours, last minute extracurriculars, and practice, practice, practice. "i got a b plus" one of his classmates responds, the other responded; "i got a b on mine". jisung was very far removed from the current conversation, his eyes on a familiar trio of sports journalists on the other side of the field, a trio which included you, mesmerizing you. he sees you often these days, with that same dslr camera around your neck, a pretty smile stuck on your face.
"you, jisung! what score did you get?" one of his classmates asks, but jisung was occupied, so he didn't answer. a tap on his shoulder makes jisung snap out of his staring fit, and he blinks a few times, assessing where he is. "what?"
"we were asking about the marks on the recent statistics test!"
"ah" jisung presses his lips together. "i got an a plus" he says the words casually, but it causes for a cheer to be sounded by his fellow classmates, who shook him and slapped his back supportively.
"you're so smart jisungie!"
the praise from his classmates get a smile out of jisung, but he isn't focusing on that, his attention is on you. even with how your across the field, he can clearly see all of your features, the sun shining on your face makes you look majestic, like an actual angel, jisung isn't sure why he's even focusing so much on your face, but he can't focus on anything else, because his eyes just naturally always wander over to you.
"will this ever finish?" you inquire, pertaining to the baton club, who were still on the field even after they were supposed to get off. "i'm supposed to take photos of the soccer players for my editorials.." you mutter, it'd be horrible if you couldn't even deliver on the promise you made to your superiors.
"they're probably going to split the field" your fellow sports journalist, taehyun says. a small groan escapes your lips, you're annoyed, you hope this doesn't interfere with the photos you have to take, it'd be horrible if you just ended up doing the same thing all over again. "see? baton club is taking one side and the soccer team takes the main area because they need to start practicing now".
"they look so cute! i've always wanted to be apart of the soccer team!" lee sohee exclaims, and you turn towards him, a look of interest on your face. he attentively watches the boys, humming to the song that's playing. "why didn't you join them then?" you inquire, interest peaked.
sohee smiles at you, readjusting his camera and fixing his posture. "i enjoyed writing the editorial articles more" he shrugs. "wanted to try out but i missed the tryouts because eunseok hyung would have killed me if i missed anton's recital" at the words, you laugh, used to the behavior from the older boy.
"maybe next year".
"you'd fit in perfectly!" taehyun muses, and sohee brightens up, seemingly loving the words.
"really!? that's what seunghan tells me too!" he cheers at the words, looking proud of himself. "i'd look cute in that uniform though.."
you chuckle at sohee's word, finding him to be absolutely adorable. "yeah, you definitely would" you ruffle his hair, smiling at the giggle which sounds from the boy.
"i'm gonna go get a closer look at them" you say, motioning towards the soccer team. taehyun nods and watches as you get closer to the field, not super close, but close enough that your camera can capture a good view of the soccer team. you narrow your eyes, pointing your camera at the busy boys who are doing their usual routine, the viewfinder shows jisung in all his glory.
you take pictures, zooming in and out. you don't mean to put all the focus on jisung, he's just too alluring to not be the center of attention. he's such a natural, he's just so amazing, you can't not focus on him.
[click.]
and another shot, another one as jisung scores the goal. jisung's posture was perfect, his back straight, chin high as he wore an angelic smile. jisung hears the clicking of the camera, and looks to his left to see you, in the viewfinder you see jisung looking in your direction, you pause for a moment and notice a baton heading straight towards him.
"jisung watch out!" you yell, at the words, he tilts his head.
you quickly take the strap of the camera off your neck, throwing it until it landed right beside your fellow journalists, who looked as confused as jisung did. you ran as fast as you could, grabbing jisung's wrist and pulling him close to you.
the baton managed to hit the ground instead, and jisung shrieks as he loses his balance, toppling forward. he quickly grabs onto the closest thing to him.
you.
you lowered your arms to catch jisung, and you feel him hold onto the sleeves of your blazer, one of your arms on his stomach, the other on his waist. all his weight was in your arms, causing for you to lose balance too.
"shit—" you swear, falling onto your back. jisung fell on top of you, the grass tickling his skin. your back immediately hits the grass, and your head hits the ground softly, but your arms remain around jisung. jisung's hands were still on your arms, his upper body laid on top of yours, his head was buried into your shoulder, and he was sat in between your legs.
jisung takes a sharp breath, a look of worry quickly flashes in his eyes as he sees you. "holy shit y/n are you okay!?" jisung asks, pulling away from your prior position and you sit up, opening your eyes to meet his worried ones. jisung kneels, leaning closer to you as he cups your cheeks with his hands. "did you get hurt? is your head okay!?" he asks, or yells, turning your head to inspect for any signs of wounds. you just stare at him, his bangs that messily lay against his forehead, his eyes that glimmered under the sunlight, and his pink lips that you totally just want to lean over and touch with your own.
"yeah.." you whisper, your cheeks squished from the force of jisung's hands.
jisung stops turning your head and sighs. "are you sure?" he asks, still holding your face. you nod, placing one of your hands on jisung's, his are soft, yours are rough, you note. you move his hand and smile. "i'm alright don't worry" you respond, still holding jisung's hand. jisung pursues his lips, and he extends his hand out, pulling you up from the ground. you let go of his hand, dusting off your pants.
"jesus y/n" taehyun's voice sounds from behind you, and you finally glance away from jisung, eyes focused on your friend. "are you okay? your not injured are you?"
"i'm fine.." you mumble again, blinking as taehyun suddenly hands you your camera. ah, he'd picked it up for you. you take it, inspecting it to make sure it's not broken.
"is the camera okay?" jisung inquires, looking over your shoulder to stare at it.
luckily, it wasn't damaged because it had fallen on the soft grass. "it's still working" you respond, and the two boys beside you let out a sigh of relief, with taehyun placing a hand on his chest.
"jisung! come back here!" his coach quickly yells, jisung looks to you, then back to his teammates. "thanks, i owe you" he says before running back towards his group, fetching the soccer ball he'd left on the ground prior.
"wow your like a hero!" sohee exclaims, shaking your shoulder with a smile. you just let out a nervous laugh, scratching your arm. you give one last glance at jisung before you feel your face heat up excessively, so you quickly turn away, putting your camera back around your neck.
"we should go back in now" you say, you don't say any more words as you quickly make your way towards the doors. your friends blink, exchanging glances in confusion, but they quickly follow you back inside.
"y/n! wait up!"
jisung watches you three leave, feeling his heart racing against his chest.
what the hell just happened? he asks himself.
"jisung are you okay!?" a very familiar voice shrieks. jisung turns to meet his fellow teammate jooyeon, looking concerned as ever.
"i'm alright, thanks for asking" he answers, gaze lowering down to his nails, which he quickly starts picking.
"are you sure? you looked like you hit your head pretty hard" the younger boy, as always, just wants to make sure jisung isn't lying, he's genuine like that. he pokes jisung's forehead, as if he was inspecting him.
"seriously, i'm fine" jisung lowers his hand, giving him his default 'i'm okay' smile. "y/n cushioned the blow anyway.."
"you were so close to him!" jisung startles as keum donghyun comes out of nowhere. "how did it feel? was it like a dream come true?"
"i—" jisung is speechless, he closes his mouth and blinks a good seven times before even actually assessing the question.
how did it feel?
jisung doesn't know how to express it. he didn't want to think about it in that way because you'd just done such a good deed, you saved him from flying metal going straight towards his head, he shouldn't have been thinking about the lack of distance between you two, he shouldn't have been staring at your lips, and he shouldn't have been thinking about kissing you.
his face must be so unbearably red right now.
"don't ask that! it was just very abrupt.. also, i can't think of him like that! he saved me from a flying baton, i'm just grateful for him".
jooyeon hums in agreement, slapping donghyun's shoulder for him ever asking such a thing. "that's right, you should probably get him a token of appreciation or something".
jisung blinks, trying to imagine what he should ever gift you. he truly has no idea, he's not sure if he should go over and beyond, or just give you a little gift as to not intimidate you. "i can't really think of anything, i don't want to overwhelm him or something, he just wanted to do a nice thing.."
"i'm sure he'll be appreciative of anything!"
at the words, jisung just sighs, smiling.
what a hero, l/n y/n— you really are something, he thinks.
"yeah— i'll think about it".
"good! back to practice now!"
jisung doesn't think he will ever fully be able to focus on practice, though.
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"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN RAN OVER BY A TRAIN" the words from the older boy, yang jeongin, snap you out of your polaroid staring daze. you flinch just the slightest, eyes peeling away from the scattering pictures which litter your desk. you rub your eyes, clearing your throat as you quickly gather all of the photos on your desk, hoping the eye bags present on your face weren't completely obvious. knowing jeongin though, they were definitely obvious. "thanks for the kind words" you respond sarcastically, a small eye roll accompanying your words. the older boy snickers, situating himself beside you, a teasing smile on his face. he props his legs up, blinking at you. "seriously though, you look like you haven't slept in years, are you alright?"
"i'm as alright as someone looking to pursue journalism can be.." you mutter back, placing the photos which were previously on your desk into your backup, a small sigh escapes your lips. "all of my applications are still pending.."
"seriously? i assume you would've been accepted into any of those schools by now!"
"you know how it all goes, they get hundreds— heck, thousands of applications every day, i just have to be patient".
jeongin raises an eyebrow, then just shrugs at you, humming. "there's no need to worry, y/n, you'll get into a good school".
you chuckle at his words, he totally read your mind when it came to that. "i'm not worried about anything" you lie; "i'll be okay, i know".
but do you?
your absolutely tired the whole entire day, you tried your best to focus in your classes, but you couldn't help your head slipping down and the way you almost slipped off to dreamland whilst your teachers were asking you very much audible questions.
"did you sleep last night?" sungchan asks you in the middle of your afternoon break, poking your arm as if to wake up. "you look like a zombie.."
"i slept a few.. hours?" your tone is very much a questioning one, as if you didn't even believe your own words. "i don't know, i was too busy fighting with lin, apparently i'm not good enough at what i do to consider journalism".
paired with the lack of response to your several applications, you weren't having the best week, it was all becoming just a little too much for you.
graduation is just too far away..
"anyway! did you choose the photos you'll put in the editorial yet?"
you think, for a while. you felt as if you had stared at so many polaroids by this point, that they're probably going to start appearing in your dreams, with the lack of sleep, constant flashing of cameras and just news news news, you've really had no time to focus on other things.
"i haven't even found time to think about the editorial" you whine, a weary sigh escaping your lips as you think about how pissed off your higher up is gonna be if you almost miss the deadline once again. "is the deadline coming up?"
"well— is four days a close deadline for you?"
you gasp, loudly, almost throwing your camera across the hallway. "four days!? four days until the deadline seriously!?"
you usually aren't like this. you are usually very calm, cool, and collected, but your week has been just the definition of a shit storm, and everything just seems getting worse and worse.
"hey, it's okay!" sungchan immediately replies, hoping to reassure you. he places a hand on your shoulder, a smile coming to his face. "it's not like this is anything new, it'll all be fine, you only have to choose two pictures anyway".
you sigh, rubbing your temples. "yeah" you breath. "it'll be fine, fine" you repeat, nodding your head as you relax yourself.
the hallway is crowded, not crowded crowded, but crowded enough that you couldn't help but begin counting the heads around you.
your eyes get stuck on a familiar figure across the hall.
park jisung, smiling and laughing with his friends. you get lost in a trance of admiring him, even though you can clearly hear sungchan talking to you. all your attention is immediately on him, and a small smile spreads across your face as you observe him, being himself.
there is absolutely no reason for him to be so breathtaking while just talking with his friend!
you are so distracted, and you don't mean to get stuck in this little reverie as you stare at the boy that you totally do not have a crush on.
he hasn't really left your mind, instead of just floating around in there like he'd been before that whole prior incident, now he occupies a whole subsection of your mind in recent days. you could be with your other friends, and all of a sudden your mind would wander off to jisung, or you could be in class and he just pops into your head.
you never thought you'd be one to get distracted easily, but you've clearly been proven wrong by just the alluring aura of park jisung.
you startle when jisung turns your way, making eye contact with you. he smiles upon noticing you, his eyes practically lighting up, and he waves at you. your a little taken aback, but jisung doesn't wait to see you wave back, just turning back towards his friend and continuing his previous conversation.
"what was that?"
"what was what?"
you quickly look over at sungchan, who had just witnessed that whole entire scene. he looks at you like you just grew a second head, and your face begins to burn as the realization dawns on you.
"you and park jisung!?"
your quick to try and sputter out a response, but you shake your head, face excessively heating up, it's probably red at this very moment. "there is nothing going on between us!"
"that doesn't seem like nothing!"
you realize how guilty you look right now. with your red face and constant insistence that there is absolutely nothing going on, those are traits the guiltiest of people display, and it all just makes you look even more guilty with how your face gets even more red.
(you must look like you're dying right now).
"it's just a friendly exchange!"
"not while your looking at him with hearts in your eyes!"
he was completely calling you out, and he was right. you were staring at jisung like he was an angel that had graced your presence, you stare at him like he's a saint and everyone else doesn't matter, as if he's the only person in the room. "i— i wasn't! i was just zoned out and he just waved at me to say hi!"
sungchan narrows his eyes suspiciously at you, totally not buying it. "uh huh, sure" his voice conveys disbelief. "just know, i'm onto you y/n".
you nudge him in the shoulder, seriously wanting to change the topic. "yeah yeah whatever" you cross your arms as you mutter the words, you're sure if you take one more glance at jisung, you won't be able to look away, so you just clear your throat and walk the other way, face still red as sungchan teases you the whole entire time.
maybe if you glanced back, you'd see jisung watching as you left..
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JISUNG WAS REALLY HOPING HE'D BE ABLE TO catch you before school dismissed. you two haven't genuinely had an actual talk since you saved him from the flying baton heading straight towards his head. all you two have done is give smiles, waves, and mutter small greetings to each other in the hallway. he had to admit, it upset him in just the slightest, because he really did want to just have a conversation with you (of course, he isn't exactly sure he'd be able to get through a conversation with you without blushing like a madman anyway), but your schedules just kept conflicting, so even catching a glimpse of you around the campus has become difficult for him to do.
he doesn't want to waste any opportunity he has in his hands—
"y/n!"
when jisung sees you across the hall, he realizes that he shouldn't take this chance for granted. you turn around at the call of your name, smiling as you see the others making his way towards you. jisung runs a hand through his hair, hoping he isn't making anything awkward. "jisung hi, do you need something?"
you smile politely at him, a smile so beautiful it seems like it could get rid of all the problems in the world. jisung loves your smile, he could stare at it for hours, is that creepy? he hopes it's not creepy..
"oh uh—" the words he'd been planning to say somehow get caught in his throat, but he clears his throat and proceeds. "i was wondering if i could walk you home?"
you blink, puzzled by the question. why would he want to walk you home? your mind begins to wander, trying to figure out why he'd want to do such a thing.
can't you just ask y/n? stop being an idiot..
"why?"
you don't mean for your words to come out that way, and you're almost afraid that you made jisung uncomfortable with your tone of voice, but he instead just smiles, squashing any of your bad thoughts. you love jisung's smile, you think it's underrated, so little people talk about it and the fact shocks you, you could probably compliment his smile for hours—
but that sounds just a little creepy.
"i just want to accompany you—" —and this is my only excuse to be around you— "do something nice for you after you did something nice for me".
the words make you pause. he's just.. so thoughtful huh? you've never heard of someone wanting to repay you for being nice, it's actually a little strange if you think about it.
"jisung you don't have to reward me for doing something nice.."
"it'd be great to walk with you, though, you make good company".
that's it? that's really it?
you're not sure why you're surprised about that, maybe it's just the idea that he literally searched for you just to say this, he truly just wants to walk you home, he truly just wants to spend time with you.
he thinks i make good company, just the thought alone is enough to make you giggle in your head. your inner thoughts sound ridiculous, but you can't help them.
"if you don't want me to it's totally oka—"
"no no no" you immediately cut into his sentence, hoping that didn't come off as desperate as it sounded. "i'm glad you offered to walk me home, i'd love to walk with you too".
you unsuccessfully try to mutter those last few words, a sudden shyness taking over you. jisung smiles, glad, no, elated at your agreement. he doesn't know why he's that happy, but he hopes it isn't clear and evident, he'd never live it down.
after bidding a goodbye to your friends, and telling sungchan you'd make sure to choose the photos for your editorials, you dragged jisung out of the school doors, much to your and jisung's surprise, as well as the shock of a few of your classmates, he made sure to eye the both of you suspiciously.
"what interested you in photography?"
a scene like this is something jisung thought he'd never get to, being able to talk to you, one on one. just the two of you sharing a simple conversation is what he's wanted for an uncharted amount of time, even with how straightforward it is, the two of you could never really find time to converse normally.
when jisung asks the question, you almost think you heard him wrong. he genuinely wants to know? in a way, you feel like you've always been just the slightest bit boring, yeah you wanna do journalism and love taking aesthetically pleasing photos but you've never considered what you do to be a talent by any means.
you pick at your fingers, looking down at the ground instead of at jisung. "it's an interest i picked up from my mother, i've always been shocked how she could just do that, you know? i love videography and stuff like that as well, i love how one can capture so much with just a single camera".
your words intrigue jisung, and he listened the whole entire way, not interrupting you once. he found a smile crossing his face at the clear display of passion for your creative work, he loves the way you put it into words. god if he didn't admire you before, he surely did now.
"what about you? you're pretty much good at everything, what drew you to the adrenaline rushing excitement of soccer?"
jisung pauses, allowing himself to let out a small snicker at the question. "i don't really enjoy soccer".
you raise an eyebrow. "oh?"
jisung laughs again, your tone of voice amusing him. "don't say it like that.. it's not that i hate it, i'm just not as into it like everyone expects me to be, i got onto the school team and i've been stuck there ever since" there isn't exactly distaste in jisung's tone, he just states it casually, like how it is. his voice is just simple, mundane, he doesn't dislike soccer, it's just not what he's looking forward to do.
you love his honesty.
"i'm into other things in a much more passionate sense, like dance, soccer is just a hobby" he finally finishes, pulling his sleeves over his arms as he avoids eye contact with you.
"so no professional soccer player park jisung?"
"i think i'll leave it to the other guy to be known for that".
you chuckle at his words, okay, he's funny (you knew that already, you just had to reiterate it in your head). god how can a guy be so perfect? you get why people are so into jisung, he's charming even without trying. you feel like the luckiest guy on earth knowing he asked to walk you home.
"y/n, i'm a very.." jisung pauses, as if trying to articulate the words he was about to say. "i really admire you a lot".
you almost lose it.
park jisung, beautiful, talented, hardworking park jisung admires you? he is an admirer of yours? you don't even know what to say, you try your best to sputter out a response but your brain is practically malfunctioning. your face goes red, and you go silent for a few minutes.
"i don't get it" is what you say, and jisung just cocks his head towards the side, observing you. "what's so admirable about me?"
"do you want a list?"
oh i'd love that. "i don't think you should waste your time".
"i wouldn't be wasting my time" jisung smiles, his gaze focused on you and only you, there's a way he's looking at you that keeps you still, unable to look away from him. "i never get the chance to tell you, i'd love to talk about everything i admire about you".
when did jisung get so bold? he'll never know where this random confidence came from, but he has an opportunity, he can't let it go to waste. he has to bring it up to you.
"what i do is nothing incredible—"
"i would disagree".
you should be angry that jisung interrupted you, but you found yourself smiling at his words. he's so generous, he doesn't have to tell you this, he doesn't have to compliment you like this, but he's doing it on his own accord, he wants to.
"okay then.. is it a good time to tell you that i also feel the same?"
jisung's ears go red, so red that it looks like smoke is gonna start pouring out of them. he is shocked, absolutely speechless. you admire him? does that mean he's gotten it all wrong these past few years? does that mean you return his feelings as well—
wait what?
"oh really?"
the prior confidence jisung had when telling you about his admiration has now all fizzled away, his voice almost cracks as he tries to register your words, and thank god it doesn't.
"it's kind of like what you said, you're amazing, a very admirable person, i know you don't really think of yourself like that but i do, and it's nice to be able to tell you up front".
jisung remains silent, but you don't mind, you just give him a smile and continue walking forward, allowing for him to catch up to you.
"is that actually true?"
"why would i lie to you?" you turn around, your whole body facing him. you begin walking backwards and wait for jisung's reply to your question. "don't give me that look".
jisung frowns, a playful one, he sends you a cute little glare that makes you giggle. he's absolutely adorable, you think in your head, he's the cutest person ever right now.
"you admire me?"
"yep".
"more than i admire you?"
"definitely, and don't even try to argue with me".
jisung opens his mouth to do exactly that, but you stop, turning around as you make it to the front of your house. "okay well, thank you for walking me home, ji".
jisung raises an eyebrow, noting down the nickname in his head. it's a common nickname, but he loves the way it sounds coming from you, he loves that you didn't just drop his full name.
"it's no problem.."
"i—"
you're cut off by the sound of the door opening, and your met with the face of your mother, whose face immediately brightens at the sight of you. you smile at her, and jisung just kinda stands there awkwardly.
"hi honey" she wraps her arms around you, and you let her, leaning your head onto her shoulder. "i thought you were staying late today?"
you shake your head. "not today, it's friday remember?"
"ohhh, yeah".
jisung glances down at the ground, playing with his feet. he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to interrupt the conversation you're having with your mother—
but he doesn't have to say anything, because your mother pipes up.
"oh! and who might this be?" she narrows her eyes at jisung, cogs in her brain seem to turn but then she snaps his fingers and gasps, seemingly getting it. "oh my god! park jisung?"
jisung smiles, a little laugh escaping his lips. "that is me".
"holy, you've changed so much? the last time i saw you you were barely up to my knees!"
at the sound of your mothers words, you give jisung a teasing stare, one which he quickly turns away from. "you and y/n are finally friends? i was wondering when it'd happen.."
your face goes bright red at the words, and an awkward chuckle escapes your lips. "seems he was too, he always talked about it—"
"haha! what!? that's hilarious mom!" you quickly cut in, not wanting her to talk about your former ramblings about park jisung, park jisung who was right beside you. "yeah okay, jisung i'll see you monday?"
jisung nods, a little too desperately for his liking, luckily you don't notice. "yeah, monday, have a good weekend, y/n".
you smile, blood rushing through your cheeks. "be safe".
he gives a small wave and turns around, beginning the walk back towards his home.
"he's such a nice kid, you sure you're just friends?"
your jaw pretty much drops, and you give your mother a look you don't think you've ever shared with her before. "yes! just friends!"
"hmm, sure".
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"WHO ARE THOSE FOR?" CHENLE asks as he immediately notices the goodies in jisung's hands. he raises an eyebrow suspiciously at his best friend, examining the bouquet of flowers and box jisung held. jisung ignores him for a couple of minutes, placing the box in his locker and closing it behind him. "for someone" he just replies, hoping he could just remain vague instead of telling chenle about his true plans. the older narrows his eyes, clearly curious about this 'someone'. he flicks jisung in the forehead, resulting in a yelp from the other, who glares. "ow! what was that for?" he asks, furrowing his eyebrows and rubbing his forehead, a frown now coming to his face.
"what you're hiding stuff from me now?" chenle rolls his eyes at jisung's frown. "who are those flowers for? you got a boyfriend or something?"
chenle was right in assuming it was a boy that was making him go crazy, but you aren't his boyfriend (not yet at least, he's trying, really). he doesn't want to exactly divulge his plans to his nosy best friend yet, just because he'd go around telling everybody he could about what jisung was doing, he didn't want anything to be spoiled.
"they're for.. y/n".
jisung winces the moment he says those words, because chenle goes absolutely crazy.
"FOR WHO!?"
jisung is quick to slap a hand over chenle's mouth, glaring at him for how loud he said those words. "could you be any more obvious?" he asks, gritting his teeth as he continues to glare at his shorter best friend, whose eyes just widen even more. "yes they're for y/n—"
"what are you two dating now?" chenle doesn't care about anything jisung has to say, he slaps his hand away and stares in interest, wanting to know more.
"no! were not dating! it's just—" jisung pauses, how is he even gonna explain this without looking super guilty? blood rushes through his cheeks as he thinks about it, about how these are your favorite flowers, about how you might react. "i wanted to get him something nice! he did a good thing and.."
and i am just so in love with him, i think i might be going insane.
"i just want to do something nice!"
"okay but are you doing something nice or are you getting ready to ask him out?"
jisung's face goes a dangerously red color, and he immediately shakes his head, denial coursing through his veins. "i'm not going to ask him out, i mean— i get why you think that but it's not what it looks like!"
chenle raises an eyebrow, staring at his totally lovestruck best friend. "it sure does seem to be what it looks like".
"chenle—"
"look, jisung, there's no need to deny that you have such an obvious crush on y/n" chenle states like it's a matter of a fact, because it is, they both know it very well, he's better at assessing jisung's feelings than jisung himself is. "he thinks your cute, you think he's cute, you two just need to ask each other out".
"um.." jisung presses his lips together, the two falling into a weird silence. he clutches the daisies in his hands, thinking about you, but he shuts off his thoughts to respond to chenle's little analysis of him.
"i just don't know where we stand, i mean we're barely even friends".
"you two are pretty much already more than friends considering he can't talk to you without looking like he's about to devour you whole".
jisung's face must be an astonishing shade of red right now. "it's not—! i don't know how to explain it okay!?"
"yeah and how are you gonna explain the flowers?" chenle points at the daisies jisung is practically squeezing to death. "other people are probably gonna get another idea".
"well i'll let them think what they want" jisung responds, his only focus is you, who cares what other people think? your his main priority. "y/n is my main focus, i don't care about what other people are saying".
chenle chuckles at his response, oh park jisung is so down bad, he's so in love with you, a kind of love chenle has never seen him have for another person. yes park jisung, love avoiding extraordinaire, is head over heels in love with a boy, chenle cannot believe it.
"okay jisung, go ahead with your wooing y/n mission or something".
at least chenle is supportive.
jisung has to go through so many interrogations to explain to your fellow photographers why he's giving you flowers, while a few of them just shrug and get it, the rest of them make sure to eye him suspiciously while he goes on with his explanation and bright red ears.
he knows most of them probably won't keep their mouths shut, and jisung knows that you told him he shouldn't get you anything for preventing him from getting any future brain damage, but jisung disagrees, he thinks you deserve gifts.
"who are those for?"
your brain doesn't register the flowers, or the connection that they have with your not-so-secret admirer, you just stare at them puzzled. "they're for you!" sohee yells from somewhere else in the room, focused on another important thing.
your eyebrows furrow, and you blink as you stare at the daisies on the table. daisies are your favorite flowers, but everyone knows that! these could be from anyone! you're no stranger to getting random gifts from people, so these could really be from anyone.
but you only have a certain person in mind..
"from who?" you ask, but you really already know who, considering the knowing look sohee sends to you.
"jisung".
of course, you say in your head, your fingers trace the packaging of the bouquet, admiring the pretty flowers before you (the pretty flowers given to you by a pretty boy), a small smile comes to your face as you think about it. you told jisung not to get you anything, but he obviously wasn't going to listen to you, he's made that very clear.
"did he tell you anything?"
sohee doesn't spare you another glance, but you can just tell he's grinning like a madman with the way he's clearly trying to hold in his laughter. "he just told me to make sure to get them to you, he was very insistent".
the teasing tone of your friends voice doesn't go unnoticed by you, and your barely able to stifle your laugh, not at sohee exactly, but at jisung's actions.
of course he didn't listen when you said for him to not get you anything, he remembered what your favorite flowers are, did he spend his weekend thinking about it? you wonder what kind of florists we must've went to.. your mind races with just jisung thoughts, and you're just so lost in them that you don't realize your zoning out.
oh park jisung, why do you have to be so sweet?
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"DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO?" YOU immediately ask the moment you come across park jisung in the hallway. the boy blinks, smiling at the sight of you, his face practically brightens at the sight of you. "what do you mean?" he inquired innocently, a small tilt of his head adding to his question. you send him a glare, not a serious one, but it's still a glare. you can't even believe his audacity, for him to look at you with such beautiful eyes, make your knees feel weak without even having to do anything? park jisung is just such a crazy man, you don't know if you can stare at him any longer, you might end up passing out from heat exhaustion (the heat from your face, of course, something that's become so normal for you when around park jisung).
"don't 'what do you mean?' me, i told you not to get me anything!" you complain, lightly shoving jisung's shoulder. "seriously, i said it was fine.." you mumble those words, but jisung just smiles.
"i wanted to get you something anyway, i needed to show you my appreciation somehow".
but just your admiration is enough appreciation for me, just you being around is enough, just you is enough.
your own thoughts weird you out on occasions.
"i told you not to—"
"but i wanted to, it's fine y/n, seriously, just accept my gesture".
you bite your inner cheek, he just always has to be nice, doesn't he? your cheeks flare up and you swear your face goes a shade of red you've never seen before, how does one boy even affect you like this? you don't think you've ever acted like this around any of your other admirers ever..
"ah" a small smile comes to your face. "thank you" you whisper, you're not sure why you get so shy all of a sudden.
"it's no problem" jisung responds, a smile coming to his face. he closes the door to his locker, and then leans onto it. "walk with me?"
you blink, jisung really likes walking with you, huh? is this gonna become your thing? you wouldn't really mind when you think about it.. you enjoy walking with jisung, you just enjoy any time you can spend with jisung.
"what's with you and asking to walk with me?"
"walking with you is just.. nice".
"do i ease your stresses or something?"
your tone is meant to come off as teasing, and your question is mostly unserious, you don't register how you sound like your flirting with jisung, probably because everything just feels so natural with jisung, you love how you feel around him, it's confusing to explain.
"i guess you could say that" jisung's response snaps you out of your jisung focused thoughts, thoughts which are difficult to not get stuck in considering park jisung is constantly occupying your mind these days. "anyway, can you walk with me?"
you pause, tongue pressing against the inside of your cheek. you have class in twenty minutes, and you don't really want to walk back all the way with only five minutes left to make it to class. "i don't know.. chen might kill me".
"please?"
that catches you off guard, you seemingly forget how to think for a second. jisung really wants to walk with you so bad, he's reverting to that easily convincing voice of his? you'd be an idiot to say no, you'd be an idiot to deny anything given to you by park jisung, you sigh in your head.
"okay, fine".
a smile of victory places itself on jisung's face, and he takes your hand, to your own surprise, as the two of you begin making your way down the hall. you wanna bring it up, but you don't want him to let go of you, so you don't. your face goes a bright shade of red, jisung doesn't seem to mind, or maybe he's always wanted to hold your hand, you aren't sure.
you focus way too much on it, on the way it feels, how jisung's soft hands contrast your rough ones, how warm his hands are, you don't want to let go, you don't want him to let go. god, you feel like such a loser, freaking out over a boy holding your hand.
but it's not just a boy, it's park jisung, park jisung makes you feel things you thought you'd never feel before..
"why do you seem so worried?" jisung chuckles, his hand holding yours. he nudges your shoulder lightly, raising an eyebrow.
"because, i don't wanna be late".
jisung snickers, not making fun of you, though, he hopes you don't think that. "have you never skipped a class before?"
your eyes widen as large as saucers, model student park jisung has skipped classes? a small chuckle escaped your lips. "no, i could never bring myself to, it always made me feel strange.."
now it's jisung's turn to look surprised, you laugh again, why does he assume you skip classes? or have even attempted to skip? you wonder what goes through his mind. "are you serious? you've never tried to skip before?"
you scoff, pinching his arm. "i tried to once in the sixth grade because of a dare from friends, but i literally couldn't do it, they called me a wimp for the rest of the year".
"aww sad".
"don't give me your fake pity, also— you've skipped class before!?"
jisung chuckles at your surprise, giving a small smile. "it was a few times as a sophomore, some classes are just so boring i can't resist".
"wow, model student park jisung skips his classes? i cannot believe the information that has been bestowed upon me".
the words, paired with your sarcastic tone made jisung let out yet another snicker, he hopes he's not overdoing it in your eyes, you're genuinely just a very funny person. "oh no! don't use this secret to tarnish my pristine reputation!"
"you're such an idiot".
a cute idiot.
"be quiet, you still love me" jisung rebuts, adding a small nudge to your shoulder along with his words.
it's weird to say, but you like this. even with your totally non-romantic feelings for jisung, you find this nice. is this what dating him would be like? you get to hold hands and joke around in the halls without a care in the world? you think you'd enjoy that, you'd enjoy dating park jisung.
wait what?
you snap out of your thoughts when jisung stops, so you stop too. he lets go of your hand, and you resist the urge to frown, because you don't want to come off as desperate. (but you are desperate, you're so desperate, having park jisung hold your hand was so nice, you want him to hold it again).
"this is my stop, thank you for my walking with me".
the words are simple, basic, but you find your face heating up at them anyway. you clear your throat, not wanting to stay silent any longer. "it was no problem, i couldn't disagree anyway".
jisung laughs, he is so pretty, so pretty without even having to do anything significant. "of course you couldn't" he looks down at his feet. "anyway! have a good day y/n, don't be late to your next class!"
you blink as you watch jisung walk into the auditorium for his next class, you watch as he walks away, standing there for what seems like forever. how could a guy, just a guy affect you so much? what is it with park jisung and making you stop in your tracks? he's mesmerizing, just so easily draws you in.
your eyes widen as you realize the time, you're going to be late for your next class, mr. chen is going to kill you!
and as you totally sprint down the hallway to get to your next class, your mind is racing with thoughts of park jisung the entire time.
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"AM I NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND?" YOU CAN practically hear the pout in sungchan's voice as he said those words. you place the extra polaroids on your desk, then glance up at your friend, who stares at you with an expression of defeat on his face. you raise an eyebrow, puzzled at what the actual hell he's talking about, he's always just bringing stuff up so randomly, you can't even keep up with what he's referring to now. sungchan just frowns, letting out a groan of frustration as plops down beside you, a small huff adding to his words. you chuckle at the way he decides to present himself, and he groans once again, very frustrated. "where is this coming from?"
"why didn't you tell me about you and jisung".
you pause, an expression of surprise comes to your face, your face which heats up astonishingly quickly. "me and jisung? me and jisung what? we aren't—"
"y/n there's no point in denying it, everyone already knows".
"everyone already knows what?"
"that you and jisung have a thing, it's fine if you don't wanna tell everyone but excluding me? your best friend in the whole entire world from the news?"
"jisung and i aren't dating!" you say immediately, clasping your hands together as you try to calm your rapidly beating heart. why do people even think that? yeah you like park jisung but how did people even reach the conclusion that you were dating? you're not even sure if jisung returns your feelings. "i don't even know where people got that idea.."
"so your constant yearning stares and pitched up giggles are all not apart of that?"
"i don't—" you are definitely showcasing all guilty characteristics, your red face, your shrill voice, and your very obvious lying, sungchan sees right through you, anyone would be able to. "yearning stares are stupid i don't do that!"
"yeah, sure y/n" sungchan sighs, and you groan, screaming into your pillow. "i'm not trying to be mean or anything, but it's disgustingly obvious that you're into jisung, and i mean in a cringy way".
you gasp in offense, turning away from your best friend. you want to remain stubborn, but you can't, of course you can't, how can you even deny your feelings for jisung anymore if other people can now tell that you like him? your face heats up in embarrassment, and you cover your face with your hands. "is it really that obvious?" you mutter, hoping the answer isn't what you think it is.
"yeah, very, i wouldn't even be surprised if the two of you were actually dating and this was a little trick of yours".
sungchan points at you, an accusatory look in his eyes, but he immediately lets it go, because he knows you, and he can tell that you are telling the truth. you don't even have the courage to look at him, still covering your face with your hands. "have you not told jisung how you feel yet?"
your silence tells sungchan everything he needs to know, and the look he gives you is absolutely criminal.
"YOU HAVEN'T!?"
"i haven't found any time too!"
"how much time have you been spending around jisung these days!? you haven't even tried to bring it up to him!"
you let yourself fall to the side, half your body hanging off your bed. "i don't know how to" you whine, mind immediately rushing to thoughts of park jisung, thoughts you probably shouldn't be having. "it's awkward!"
"well i'm sure jisung feels the same with the way he always has to resist the urge to kiss you in the hallway".
"with the way he WHAT!?"
the words are enough to make you rise from your formerly fallen state, a look of astonishment on your face. did jisung really return your feelings? or was sungchan just trying to start something that would end up absolute humiliation?
"y/n, not trying to be rude or anything, but it's so obvious that jisung wants to date you, he doesn't even have to say it for everyone to know!"
you feel like you just discovered the secrets of the universe with those words, park jisung likes you? like likes you likes you? once the realization dawns on you, you gasp loudly.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME!? OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SUCH AN IDIOT UGH!"
sungchan watches you freak out, he truly can't believe that he had to tell you for all of it to finally set in.
it's actually pretty funny, and he snickers as he watches you go absolutely ballistic.
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"HAVE YOU SEEN Y/N?" JISUNG ASKS the first recognizable person he sees in the hallway. he hasn't seen any seniors anywhere for a while, but that's because the days keep getting warmer, meaning graduation keeps getting closer, most of the seniors only take two classes and then go on to do their extracurriculars, so they don't really have to spend the whole entire day at school, but it's weird today because he usually always sees you, even when he isn't purposefully looking for you (which has become a common thing for him to do, he's just loves the time he can spend with you). he hopes you aren't absent, because today is friday, and if he doesn't tell you his important news now he's going have to wait an extra two days.
"y/n? uh..." the unfamiliar boy pauses for a moment, as if thinking, and jisung is hoping that it isn't the worst, because he really needs you to be here today. "well i'm not sure where he is actually! probably with his other photographers".
"but he's here right?" jisung doesn't care if he comes off as desperate, his only focus is you, you are his main priority, he doesn't care about the impression he's making on others, he can truly only think about you at the moment.
"yeah! i'm just not sure where exactly!"
"okay thank you!"
the guy gives him a strange look, a mix of teasing and giddy, but jisung walks off too fast to see it, he's set on finding you. he doesn't exactly know where he's supposed to go, he's just hoping to somehow spot you and be able to get you alone.
"what are you rushing for?" chenle comes out of nowhere, noticing jisung's urgency and the way he's clearly focused on something specific strikes him as odd, but he already has an idea of what's making jisung so fidgety. "you're gonna confess your love to y/n or something?"
"yes, actually i am chenle, it'd be great if i could find him, though".
maybe it's jisung's surprising honesty, or the way his main priority is you. chenle finds it amusing how quick the switch flipped, but it's also kind of cute. the usual pessimist, mr 'i don't really care about love' park jisung is down bad for a boy, it's adorable. "have you tried the photography room?"
"where do you think i'm heading?"
chenle chuckles at jisung's attitude, simply smiling and pulling his cheek. "alright then! don't forget to tell me how it goes!"
jisung doesn't spare chenle another glance, just turns back around and focuses on the task at hand, finding you and telling you how he feels.
jisung wonders how you'll react, based on what he's seen, it's not completely guaranteed that you'll reject him, it's probably more likely that you return his feelings rather than don't. does that make him horrible? thinking because you've exhibited the traits of someone who has a crush that you have a crush on him?
maybe you don't like him and he's letting it all get to his head, it all just seems too good to be true.
jisung doesn't even have to go all the way to the photography room, because he bumps right into you whilst on his way there, and a small yelp escapes your lips. "oh my god.. sorry!"
jisung cannot contain his excitement, and his nervousness. there is absolutely nothing to be nervous about, this is y/n. kind, understanding, charming y/n, it's not like he's going to scream at you for telling him you like him. it’ll all be fine.
"it's alright" you whisper, shaking your head for a moment. "i was looking for you" you immediately say, not allowing for jisung to speak before you.
jisung's eyes widen. you were looking for him? it makes his brain go haywire, figurative cogs in his head turning. "that's ironic, i was looking for you too".
jisung swears he can see the red coloring on your cheeks, but he doesn't say anything about it.
"i have to tell you something".
the two of you say that sentence in unison, the same amount of anxiety coursing through your veins, the same red hue on your cheeks, the same look of surprise in your eyes. "you can go first" you whisper, picking at your fingers, you aren't exactly sure if you want to hear what he's about to say.
"are you sure? it seems you have something more important to say.."
"it's fine! really, i can just say it after yo—"
"i'm in love with you".
the words strike you like a punch to the gut, a slap to the face. your stomach drops, your face is burning horribly, and your legs feel like they're about to give in. you cannot believe it, you hope you don't pass out, you hope you don't just die right here, that'd be so embarrassing.
park jisung is in love with you. beautiful, talented, model student park jisung who you've never truly known how you felt about is in love with you. you are so happy, giddy, and it disgusts you, but the disgust is quickly replaced by the feeling of joyousness. park jisung is in love with you, he feels the same way.
"jisung, i'm—"
"it's okay if you don't return my feelings i just wanted to tell you!" is that really what he thinks? that you don't love him back? he must be crazy, you've only ever exhibited reciprocal feelings. "i'll be off now!"
"no! don't go!" you grab jisung's wrist before he can walk away. smart move y/n, you're acting so natural right now. "i just, i return your feelings! i just don't know how to explain it, also my hands are very sweaty right now and i feel gross.."
you let go of jisung's wrist and feel your face get unbearably hotter. it's embarrassing, you feel so embarrassed, but it's park jisung, and jisung just stares at you lovingly. you're so cute, how did it take him this long to tell you how he felt?
"you're so cute".
jisung doesn’t even realize he says the words until you give him that look, and your red face just makes him giggle more. "this isn't— that is not fair! i was supposed to confess first!"
"you're the one who told me to go first!"
"i didn't know you were going to tell me you liked me! i prepared a whole sentence for you and everything!"
you whine, covering your red face with your hands. jisung removes your hands from your face, and a small smile graces his pretty features. he's absolutely gorgeous, he has such a pretty smile, you have the sudden urge to tell him about it. "your smile is beautiful".
now it's jisung's turn to become the red faced lovesick fool. "ah, really?" he responds, voice shaky, hands even more shaky, but they're so soft, your mind always reminds you to note that.
you hum in agreement. "it's very pretty, i can't believe more people don't talk about it".
"well you can talk about it, aren't we technically dating now?"
the question makes you pause. you feel like your about to go insane, you're dating park jisung? park jisung is your boyfriend? this is like a dream come true, a dream you thought would stay a dream and only a dream. "dating? dating! yeah yeah!"
your natural act is not natural at all, you are very nervous, so nervous you feel like your about to collapse onto the floor. "there's no need to be so nervous.."
you groan. "says you!"
"alright y/n" jisung lets go of your hands, much to your dismay, because you frown. he takes note, and reaches over to grab your own once again, intertwining your fingers. "we’re dating, you don't have to go red faced every time i compliment you now".
"but it's you, how do i not?"
jisung sighs, leaning forward and pressing a small peck on your lips. oh he is such a stupid little—
"why would you do that!?"
"i'm sorry!" jisung giggles, he was definitely not sorry. "it was an instinct, i had to!"
"you— ugh!"
park jisung can't just not make you nervous, he's such a crazy man.
one that you love, of course.
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"I THINK I LIKE THIS ONE THE MOST.." JISUNG states, admiring the polaroid photos which litter the desk. you hum at his words, rummaging through the box on the counter, you are very much focused on finding that estranged camera taehyun had pointed for you to find. your boyfriend glances up, looking over your shoulder, silently watching as you get frustrated about this stupid camera you couldn't find. "which one?" you inquire, glancing over at him. jisung holds up the polaroid, a picture you'd taken of you and sungchan at the beach when you were nine. a pretty photo, you aren't even sure how you pulled it off. "ah, that is a pretty one" you whisper, and you smile the moment jisung smiles. his smile is so pretty, a cute stretch which is enough to make you smile, even if you feel down.
"what’s with your face?"
"searching for this old camera is pissing me off" you remark, knowing that you have to search for this is just making you even more mad, why do you have to pack the photography room right before graduation? you hate it. "who even left it in here?"
"a former student maybe?"
you close your eyes, sighing. "i need this to be over so much more quickly" you complain, and jisung just laughs at your misery.
"we graduate in a week, y/n, just be patient" the younger pokes your cheek, then he cups your face, trying to make your frown disappear. "an old camera is not the end of the world".
you glance down at jisung's lips, then narrow your eyes. "are you trying to seduce me?" you question, raising an eyebrow.
"no?" jisung responds, adding a small tilt of his head to his words. "do i sound believable?"
"not at all" you say, pushing jisung's hands away and looking back to the box in front of you so you can continue to scour for this camera you have to get for your friend. you continue to search through the box, trying to find this old dslr camera for your friend. "so don't distract me".
"i'm not!" jisung whines, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his chin onto your shoulder, watching you try to succeed at your mission of finding a camera. "you don't want to give me, your lovely, amazing boyfriend attention?"
you merely roll your eyes at jisung, he's so annoying (in a cute way), you're about to call chenle to drag him away from you, but you also don't want him to let go of you, his arms around your waist make you feel safe, loved, park jisung makes you feel so loved.
"i found it!" you shriek, victory soaring in your voice. "fucking finally".
"okay so can you give me a kiss now?" jisung asks, puckering his lips and leaning closer to you.
he's so desperate, and you are too, it's adorable, park jisung is adorable. "hmm" you pretend to think about it, an inquisitive look making it's way to your face. "nah".
"y/n! that's not fair!" jisung whines, shaking you with his arms that are still around your waist. he frowns, trying to give you his best puppy dog eyes.
you almost give in, but you push him away, taking the camera you'd been searching for. "later, babe".
"you said that this morning!"
you sigh, turning around to stare at the pouting park. the cute pout remains on his face, how can you ever resist him? you lean forward and press a kiss to his lips, ruffling his hair. "there, are you happy you big baby?"
"you could do better".
"uh huh, and you could be patient".
jisung frowns once again, but it's not a serious one, just the cute one he likes to do when he pretends to be mad at you. "don't be mad, you know i love you".
jisung does know, he knows that very well. he smiles at you, he's so in love with you, and not even in an embarrassing way, there's nothing embarrassing about this, he feels joyful, a sense of euphoria overtakes him whenever he’s with you.
"i know, i love you too".
and he isn't lying when he says that.
because he truly does.
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