You absolutely cannot change my mind about this:
- Steve is the mom, Robin is the dad, Eddie and Nancy are the step parents, and Jonathan and Argyle are the really cool uncles.
- Steve definitely mothers everyone, there's curfew, there's a carpool scheduled, and, even if he doesn't admit it, he has definitely got into a shout match with a ref or another mom about his kid and another kid.
- Robin definitely fits the dad, she helps out with the kid's homework (especially languages classes), she has thrown one punch at a jock for picking on one of the kids tho she made them swear never to let anyone know that she punched someone for them, and her arsenal of dad jokes help.
- Eddie and Nancy both are step-in parents when the kids can't find either Steve or Robin, there's usually a threat of violence involved and the kids feeling extremely safe with the two tho both Steve and Robin scold all of them for it.
---
"No, Eddie! You can't say you'll summon Satan if they pick on Dustin."
"Nancy don't flash them your revolver please, I know they shoved Lucas but bullets wont solve this."
"THAT IS NOT WHAT WE RESORT TO WHEN PEOPLE TALK ABOUT MAX AND HER WHEELCHAIR! NO PUT MY BAT DOWN!"
"I'm not mad but...when we agreed to talk I imagined the talking with less threat of bodily harm and more of 'Hey! that's my brother so back off or else.' But it works."
---
- Jonathan and Argyle are very much the chill, laid-back uncles for when the kids just want to vent or want to see a different kind of perspective.
- Steve and Eddie parent Dustin and they have Sunday morning put aside for sci-fi movies in their pajamas.
- Robin parents the Sinclairs who loves that they get Robin to themselves on Mondays bcos they get milkshakes and talk about easy stuff like how their week is so far or Robin teaching them new shit.
- Eddie and Robin share custody of Will with Jonathan and all four of them have a bi-weekly gossip session at a diner, they talk shit about ppl and judge jocks.
---
"He's so stupid but so cute."
"You are down baaaad, mini Byers."
"He was terrible in California, I wanna hit him."
"I'll hold him down and you can handle him."
"I like the way you think, Buckley."
"We have a deal, Byers."
"Remind me never to get on your bad sides."
"Please don't."
---
- Robin and Nancy parents Max and they have a day-in every Sunday morning where they play music and do their own thing, Nancy's working on her article, Robin is reading her other language book, and Max is playing tea party with Holly (who sneaks her way in every morning to play with her new big sister Max).
- Nancy and Jonathan parents Mike and it a more of a subtle parenting caring thing bcos all three of them are emotionally constipated, there's casual check-ins and subtle reassurances.
- Argyle and El are the communal uncle and child, respectively.
- The kids go to Argyle for advice about anything under the sun and loves his relax attitude on life.
- The teens love El and makes sure she gets a semi-normal childhood which mean cartoon Friday with Steve, learning new things with Robin, shopping with Nancy, listening to new music with Eddie, bedtime stories with Jonathan, and advice about what life can be with Argyle.
- Everyone is absolutely terrified of Jonathan and Robin that when being scolded the two are used as a threat.
---
"Mike you better be down here on time or I'll have Jonathan and Robin teach you about punctuality!"
"I said no, Henderson! I swear to God, I'll have Jon and Rob take you for the week instead."
"Usually I'd say "hell yeah, red!" But Jonny and Buck scare me as much as they scare you and they'll find out we did this so I'm gonna have to say no."
---
- Jonathan and Robin get along so well and together they can get so scary.
- When the entire party are hanging out together they get scared when both Jonathan and Robin being scolding them bcos it's scarier than Nancy and definitely scarier than the Updie Down.
---
"I told you it was a bad idea! We're gonna get I trouble!"
"Relaaax, Eddie wouldn't care, Nancy's always telling us to do it ourselves and Steve won't know."
"I don't think stealing booze from the cabin counts, Michael."
"Don't call me, Michael!"
"They can't say anything all three of them drank waaaay more at our age anyway."
"Dustin, you may have a point but that's not what I'm worried about."
"Will's right you guys. Robbie and Jonathan are here so maybe we shouldn't be doing this."
"We'll be fi--"
"What do you four think you're doing?"
"That better not be alcohol, mini dinguses."
"Shit."
----
Tadaaaaa? I just find it funny just how scary both Jonathan and Robin can be. Just imagine for a bit how scary those two can be together when any of the kids are theirs for the week. They'd be so chill but as soon as you do a wrong they can be so firm that none of the older teens would dare cross both of them. Anyway! Tadaaaa
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I just really like the trope of Danny getting summoned, alright?
——
After he shoved Pariah Dark in his coffin shaped locker what what Danny hoped to be for all of eternity, the half unfortunately inherited all of Pariah’s responsibilities.
“What was it again? With great powers comes great responsibilities?” Danny let his head hit the table with an audible thunk. He’s in his “office,” the ghost zone’s approximation of where he might be able to do work seriously. The house- the extension of his haunt- had added the room right next to his bedroom. Danny had to lift all of the paperwork from Pariah’s castle (that’s now also a part of what’s considered Danny’s but he doesn’t think about that) and move it to his main haunt.
He prayed to the universe at large to let him off. Danny hated doing homework- science not withstanding because at least he understood that- let alone an asshole’s centuries worth of work. Danny bemoaned the fact that he was elected the King. He didn’t even defeat Pariah all by himself, so why couldn’t the others do it?!
Like a wave of merciful fate, the beginning tugs of a summoning pulled at his core.
“Thank Ancients!”
Danny scrambled to grab a sticky note, unfortunately glowing green as things tended to in the Ghost Zone, and scribbled down that he’s been summoned and to not look for him until his vacation work was done.
With that note done, Danny decided to bring his A game to the summoning. Allowing his secondary form to wash over him, Danny quickly checked the mirror to make sure he was presentable. A bright glowing ice crown- not the crown of fire, because it was essentially useless without the ring and Danny wasn’t keen on being a king, let alone a near infinitely powerful one- settled across his brow showed his status. A cape, this form’s best feature, made of an expanse of galaxies, nebulae, and frost cling at the end was swept over his shoulders and pinned together with a cloak pin made of clusters of black holes.
A couple of additions to his normal hazmat suit and his trusty thermos at his side, Danny all but dove into the summoning magic with an excited whoop of glee.
As Danny got closer to the magic-made portal, he could hear the whispers of the living presences beyond it.
His summoners! Hopefully it’s not a cult again, even if he thought they were pretty funny trying to summon the king of the dead to kill more people. Not funny “haha,” funny weird.
How should he do this…? Scary? Funny? Oh! Or maybe he should ditch the crown!
Danny grinned, waving his hand to dispel the crown of ice. It was nice, but he was in a dungeon critter mood today.
“Oh, this is going to be gooood.”
Danny cracked his knuckles and put on the most dead-inside-and-outside expression he could manage, modeling it off of the Nasty Burger workers during closing shift. The halfa stepped through the portal.
——
“The ritual is completed! You will all face the might of Pariah Dark, the eternal king of the dead!” The villain of the week cackled as his cult cheered. Wonder Woman, scuffed and injured from the magical bolts these magic users had shot at her earlier, grimaced and raised her sword.
“We will defeat Pariah Dark,” she proclaimed. Her allies rallied at her proclamation and readied themselves for another fight. “This world will not bow to the likes of you!”
“We are all but mere ants before the king of the dead! Pariah Dark will bring forth the reckoning this shitty world deserves!”
“Actually, Pariah Dark’s kind of busy, so you’re gonna have to leave a message.”
Green Arrow’s arrow jerked towards the new voice. Batman paused, hand holding batarangs at the ready. He, out of all of them, knew better than to underestimate a young voice.
A gloved hand shoved through the green portal, using the edges like a door frame to heave itself through. A humanoid shape, with sharp ears all but crawled out of the Lazarus green portal. Batman wondered if this was what Jason saw when he came back to life.
"Lord Pariah Dark is busy?!"
The figure- a boyish not-human- heaved a sigh. "Do you people seriously think that the High King of the Infinite Realms isn't swamped with work?"
"And who are you supposed to be? His secretary?" Hal asked, Ring glowing and at the ready. Wonder Woman tensed and mentally struck Hal away from the list of people to consider for diplomatic missions.
"Me? I'm a glorified paper pusher." The being turned back to the cultists, his cape containing the universe swished behind him. "Did you have a message for Pariah Dark?"
"He was meant to rain down death and destruction!"
"Okay, first of all, I feel like you guys are missing a really important point." The being pointed at the cult leader. “It’s not called the King of the Dead for no reason, you know. Death comes for everyone eventually. Also, I have to do a seriously giant amount of paperwork every time one of you fruitloops gets the bright idea to cause an influx of deaths.”
Danny stomped across the circle, grabbed the collar of the cultist leader’s cloak and yanked him down. He shook him. “Do you people have any idea how annoying it is?! Huh?! Do you know how long the A-354 Form is?! Stop trying to get Pariah to kill people! I’m sick of the paperwork, dammit!”
"How- how did you get out of the circle?!"
The cultists and the heroes squared up, ready to fight the possible common enemy: Danny.
Danny is having the best time of his half life. Screw kingly dignity, Danny’s gotta de-stress somehow! He had a whole bag of complaints!
"You wrote the circle wrong, idiots! Ancients, are you people even literate? What even are those scribbles?" Danny kept shaking the cultist. Wow, what an amazing stress ball!
“Uh- hey, he looks kind of sick…” The Flash said, trying to be a good hero and mediate before escalating. Danny snarled and Flash held up his hands, gulping in fear as Danny’s eyes narrowed at him. “Did I… do something?”
“You,” Danny hissed. “You mother- fruitloop! Stop screwing with the timeline, you giant red-! Do you know how annoying it is to readjust the death count every time one of you little merry red jesters takes a jaunt through time and space?! Do you even know how many complaints I had to field?! Oh, boy you’re all going to regret summoning me today, because I’ve had a long time to think about what I’d do to everyone who made me work overtime!”
Danny bared his teeth, eyes sparkling with mirth as he froze the cultists.
"We're not letting you take over the world," Hawk-Woman said, raising her mace that pulsed with electricity.
Danny snorted to hide his wince. "I'm not interested. Just let me punch him once. Just once." Danny pointed at the Flash.
"Honestly, I can't even blame you," Black Canary muttered, fists raised.
"Wha-! Canary! That's so rude! You traitor!"
"Shouldn't have put skittles in my shoes then. Those hurt, Flash."
"Enough." Everyone shut up at the sound of Batman's command. "What do you mean they wrote the circle wrong."
Danny, who was watching the byplay with interest, shrugged. "They wanted to summon the Ghost King, right? We've had a... change of leaders recently."
"Who is the leader now?"
Danny waggled a finger at Batman. "Nuh-uh. I'm gonna collect my over-time compensation, which is punching the Flash, and then we can negotiate for information."
"Flash."
"I don't want to get punched, Bats!"
"The alternative is that I let the current Ghost King have a go at you."
"Flash."
"Oh my god, just get punched, Barry!" Danny heard Green Lantern Hal Jordan whisper.
"Ugh, fine. No one video this."
Immediately, three phones go up to record the Flash getting decked by a teenage looking ghost. Danny floated closer and wound his fist back, letting loose some of the ghost strength he normally keeps restrained. "This is for my overtime and for Clockwork, you jerk."
The halfa slammed his fist straight into the Flash's face, knocking him clear into the air. Superman catches him but Danny no longer paid attention to the Flash, petty vengeance enacted.
"Honestly, I don't have a problem with you as a person. You're kind of cool. Break the timeline again in the next three months, though, and you're on my shit-list."
"What do you want in exchange for information?"
Danny hummed. "Depending on the level of information, and I reserve the right to not answer any questions. For the name of the current Ghost King..."
He did want that new gaming console. And Jazz could use some help with her rent.
"I want $5,000 and a plate of really good spaghetti."
"I have cash."
Danny nodded at the Dark Knight. "You just carry $5,000 in cash on you? Who does that?"
"I like to be prepared."
"And he's rich," Superman chimed in.
The Flash reappeared with a plate of spaghetti from an Italian place he teleported to. "Here you go. Fresh, and pleasedon'tscrewwithmyafterlife."
Danny shoveled the spaghetti into his mouth, jaw unhinging like a particularly disturbing snake right before he dumped the whole thing- plate and all- down his throat. "Thanks! The food didn't even try to kill me this time! You're good."
"Does your food try to kill you all of the time?!" The Flash- Barry, apparently- asked.
Danny nodded as he took the cash from Batman's gloved hands. "Totally. It sucks."
"Identity." Batman demanded.
"Oh, yeah. The current ghost king is me."
"...What."
"You have been swindled. Bamboozled. Outwitted and outsmarted," Danny snickered, shoving the bundle of cash in his chest. "But seriously, I'm the king. We got rid of Pariah a while ago."
The crown of ice materialized.
"You said you were a glorified paper pusher!" Hawk-Woman chortled.
"I am! I'm pushing so many papers across my desk, it's unending, I swear!"
Batman growled. "You tricked us."
Danny smirked, "You got tricked." Red Robin, in the corner, snorted quietly. "Anyways, if you've got more interesting things around here, I'll considering busying myself with that instead of sentencing you to an afterlife of paperwork."
The adults straightened, grimacing. "Beast Boy is green," Hal offered up.
"Hey!" Beast Boy shouted, offended at the easy way Hal offered him up. He turned to Danny. "But have you ever seen a green chinchilla? Super cute. Watch!"
"Woah!" Danny clapped. Yes, he'll hang out with them before dragging himself back.
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