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poetlcs · 5 months

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2024 album listens

Recording all the albums I listened to in full for the first time in 2024. Albums released this year are marked with a *

Making Movies by Dire Straits. 5/5 Top 3: Romeo and Juliet, Hand to Hand, Tunnel Of Love

Light, Dark, Light Again by Angie McMahon 4/5 Top 3: Saturn Returning, Divine Fault Line, Staying Down Low I liked this album but I thought some songs sounded a little samey samey. It reminded me of Punisher a lot.

I Put a Spell on You by Nina Simone 4/5 Top 3: Feelin' Good, One September Day, July Tree I've listened to a lot of the songs on this album but never the whole thing top to bottom. I love her voice so much. I just think some of the best songs on this album are a LOT better then some of the lesser songs.

Summer Days by San Cisco. 3/5 top 3: summer days, lost without you, high I love San Cisco but lately their music hasn't hit as much. I thought this was a fairly so so album. Songs were nice but it felt a little uninspired

MADRA by newdad. 4.5/5 top 3: nosebleed, angel, sickly sweet BANGER of an album. Super cohesive with some really interesting riffs and bits and bobs on each song. I was shocked to see this is a debut album. one of those albums where you immediately go back to relisten to the songs. only took the 0.5 away cos I think it's slightly too long

Loss of Life by MGMT. 3/5 top 3: dancing in babylon, bubblegum dog, nothing changes It's okay - I just thought it didn't really stick. Like not much REALLY stood out

eternal sunshine by ariana grande. 4/5 top 3: supernatural, I wish I hated you, we can't be friends & bye This was close to being perfect but I really think it needed a powerful ballad in the middle and the writing to me was okay in parts but overrall i really liked it. her vocals sound amazing this is the first ari album I've truly enjoyed since thank u next

the rise and fall of a midwest princess by chappell roan 4.5/5 top 3: after midnight, red wine supernova, coffee bit late to this one IM SORRY but wow this is such a fun and excellent album. I couldn't stop smiling the entire way through. I love that it also has some more slow and intimate moments too. Really embodying the idea of the rise and fall in the way the tone goes up/down sad/happy you know. It feels both familiar and new at the same time which I love. Sort of reminded me of melodrama in the structure which I LOVE. The ONLY reason I took off the 0.5 is because I feel the start of the album was a lot stronger then the end. I even think possibly one song could be cut. But it's very good! loved it!

grace by jeff buckley. 4.5/5 top 3: lover, you should've come over, hallelujah, forget her I've probably listened to 70% of this album just never sat down to listen to it all in a row. anyways LYSCO/Hallelujah has to be one of the craziest back to back song pairings ever. This is suchh a beautiful album my ONLY issue is I don't like eternal life and don't think it fits the vibe. Amazing album though

cowboy carter by beyonce. 4/5 top 3: texas hold em, bodyguard, blackbiird I thought the production of this was the highlight. Also loved how stylistic it was, I love a concept album. Thought the first half was stronger and it's too long, which is why it's a 4 star. Blackbiird cover was GORGEOUS, Jolene cover I don't love as much. The original tracks are great with a feww I don't love as much. Overall very good! I will be listening a lot

found heaven by conan grey. 3/5 top 3: killing me, winner, alley rose I think I wanted to like this more than I did. I really love new wave and the production was GREAT, literally sounded like a song off an 80s album. But I overall found it kind of derivative. It was like oh yep thats the elton song, thats the joy division song, thats the queen song. It felt almost inauthentic at times, and maybe it's just because cowboy carter just came out and showed us all how it's done but it just felt too much like copying music rather than being inspired by. Some of the songs were big misses for me, and the highlights were definitely the ones with more vulnerable lyrics and singing.

the tortured poets department. not rated yet top 3: but daddy I love him, down bad, fortnight I am so torn on this album. There is some songs I love a lot, and some I don't care for much. This is hard for me to say because I LOVE Taylor and I'm an original fan. But this synth pop sound isn't my fave. I found myself irritated by the sound of some songs, especially fresh out the slammer and my boy only breaks his favourite toys. I don't like how with Antonoff's production I can recognise familiar melodies and synths from previous songs. I was hoping this song would be the return of some real GUITAR AND DRUM and it isn't as much. That said, I've been streaming it a lot. I like how confessional the song writing it (despite some clunky moments) and a florence feature is so exciting to me. I love the modernised love story with BDILH and I think I can do it with a broken heart is a fun song. I also liked whose afraid of little old me as a concept song. I think it's hard for me because I know I'm biased toward Taylor and will ultimately find something to love in everything she does, and I think for her this was a blurt and drop album. and so you just have to take it for what it is. But. I am really hoping for something a little different with the next release.

the tortured poets department: the anthology. not rated yet top 3: the black dog, the prophecy, the bolter Some of the above applies but I think overall I like this second album more. I think the black dog is one of her best releases yet and the prophecy is heartbreaking. It made me cry upon listen. I love Aaron Dessner. I do think there are some forgettable songs on this side as well though.

Silence is Loud by Nia Archives. 3/5 top 3: forbidden feelingz, cards on the table, nightmates I was surprised by this, the single doesn't sound like most of the album. This had more singing/talking than I expected and I kinda wish it had more dance/bangers. I did really like some songs though, but others were a bit forgettable. I think some more time with this could change my opinion a little though, though i'm not sure if that time will be agreeing it's forgettable or finding myself uncovering a little more here.

Oxalis EP by Swapmeet only 5 songs - mellow and laid back. Sort of a perfect driving in the car at night sort of sound, and I think I might revisit this album in that setting. Honestly don't think this was long enough to say much more. I'm intrigued, I'll look out for more! But I can't see this being a huge thing I revisit.

Fever by Kylie Minogue. 4/5 top 3: love at first sight, in your eyes, can't get you out of my head but duh so also more more more and dancefloor pop perfection I fear. unbelievably catchy melodies. I knew the popular songs ofc but the whole album really is a gem. I love the dance sound and cohesiveness of this album.

HIT ME HARD AND SOFT by Billie Eilish. 2/5 top 3: CHIHIRO, birds of a feather, bittersuite I wish I had liked this more. I'm ultimately not sure if Billie is really an artist I vibe with after I also found happier then ever a let down. I honestly just found this a little boring and repetitive. The singing style doesn't quite work for me. THAT SAID, the production in parts was excellent, specifically CHIHIRO I find myself coming back to a lot because I like how it sounds soo much. So that song is a real highlight for me in an okay album. I sort of just feel this album is lacking a story, I don't know what she was trying to tell me with this exactly. Maybe I'm just not the target audience.

#mine #music #2024 albums

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ethanhuntfemmefatale · 10 months

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(Same anon) the craziest part about the jim/ethan/claire Sin Motif for me is that it’s not just a sin, it’s one on the Ten Commandments (thou shall not covet) a fact that Jim literally throws back in Ethan’s face right before he kills Claire. Like it’s one of the Big Ones and to your point I think it is the most morally gray Ethan ever gets on a personal level. Like in the future we see him struggle with big decisions with huge moral ramifications on a worldwide scale, but I don’t think we can get there without baby Ethan having to navigate the worlds most toxic throuple.

As to it not being his fault, I do find it interesting to compare the beginning of the movie, where Ethan cups her face while she wakes up and it’s very obvious he has feelings for her (the only part where he actively shows his feelings for her unprompted) vs the rest of the movie which is her making moves at him while he reacts fairly passively, even before he knows Jim is alive, which is SO fascinating to me, especially because that first scene is the only one where the audience doesn’t know she’s married so it’s the only one free of Jim’s presence. I’m sorry it just really is the worlds most toxic throuple because any time two of them interact you can tell the existence of the third is the elephant in the room. Something I think you’ll really get a kick out of is that the track that plays when Claire and Ethan have their hand kiss moment after Ethan meets with Jim is named “love theme?” and that the same track plays (though quieter) when Jim and Ethan are talking, specifically starting when Jim talks about Claire. So who’s love theme(?) is it? And the answer is it’s all of theirs. I love Brian DePalma that crazy psychosexual freak

WAIT YOURE KIDDING OH MY GOD WAIT

oh my god

ok that information is everything to me i feel amazed. and a little in love with brian depalma

ugh ok anon thank you for writing this i hope you don't mind another rant i can feel it coming on. i have endless thoughts about these three i guess and every time someone pokes me with brilliant ideas like these^^^ they come spilling out

first of all i love your point about ethan being the most physically affectionate with Claire before the audience knows she's married to Jim. on a narrative level that makes sense but also in narrative it makes sense too? because in the whole movie that's probably the time when the omnipresent "Jim ghost" is the least pressing and painful. To get a bit into the weeds with Jim theorizing I think it's easy to imagine that part of the benefit of Jim being away all the time (beyond making it possible to conduct deals with Max and plan intricate murders) is that Jim being distant makes Claire's job of seducing Ethan way easier. It's obvious in the initial scene with the team that Claire and Ethan have bonded more in Jim's absence--'that sludge you made in Kiev' and claire's dry little 'thank you' gets me every time--part of this is that when Jim is away, the guilt of whatever is happening between Ethan and Claire is less pressing and immediate, it makes it easier for Ethan to be in denial about the reality of the situation. Part of this is also that with Jim gone, Claire acts as a proxy-Jim, a source of indirect connection to a Jim who is distant and untouchable.

One of the ideas that I was attempting to set up in the pre-Prague fic was this idea of uneasy peace that becomes comfortable through exposure--a big question of MI1 to me is how the hell do you get to that place where your dead(?) father figure's wife comes up to you, kisses you on the cheek, moves as if to kiss your lips and then backs away. and you react with--emotional pain, confusion, but not surprise. It really seems like he's used to it. And I think that the tightrope walk of The Sin is probably something Ethan has been walking for a long time when we meet him in MI1, and he's probably done a lot of mental work trying to convince himself that he's not going to fall over the edge.

the "thou shalt not covet" line made me lose my entire shit when i first watched the movie and still does every single fucking time i see it. but i have a really hard time being able to place exactly why it gets to me so much. part of it I think is The Sin being voiced. that scene between ethan jim and claire in the climax is so completely electric because it takes something unspeakable, that has been unspoken and unspeakable for probably the better part of Ethan's time in the IMF, and then speaks it in the most crude and cruel way possible. "tasted the goods." "thou shalt not covet." I love the one-two punch of those lines because they lay out Jim's moral perspective in a really brutal way. They basically really quickly establish Jim's obsession with--to go back to something I talked about in my last rant to you, anon--purity, religious purity that has nothing to do with genuine love and care, everything to do with superiority and power and control.

When Jim talks about Ethan's love for Claire, it's not as a personal betrayal (you're in love with my wife!) but as an abstract recognition of Sin. It's distant! It's paternal! He's scolding Ethan! And this comes literally seconds after he admits to the seduction plot. Which is fascinating in itself. It doesn't matter whether Ethan coveting Claire happened organically--he was vulnerable to it. He fell in the trap, and to Jim that signifies religious weakness. I've talked before about how Jim sees Ethan as similar to Claire, and I think this might be a good example of that. Jim points out this weakness in Ethan to convey the idea of, you can never be a hero, you can never win, because you are corrupt and sinful and vulnerable. It feels...almost gendered ngl?

Then there's the whole aspect that Jim's evidence for Ethan falling for the seduction, his evidence of Ethan's sinful weakness, is actually just the two facts that a) Claire doesn't want Ethan to die, and b) Ethan wants to believe that Claire is innocent. Which are both symptoms not of the fucked up seduction thing but of...love. Genuine care, even in the sea of lies. Jim's perspective then becomes some sort of awful merging of two ideas: first, 'love is a weakness and a moral impurity that destabilizes your ability to be powerful and superior and a hero'. second, 'there is no genuine love and care, it's all manipulative, covetous, lustful and sinful.' which is. A Lot. and again very indicative of Jim's worldview and the worldview that he's imposed on Claire for years, and Ethan more indirectly for years.

not sure if im making sense here.

anyway this is getting long i do genuinely have more thoughts but they're not totally connected so I think I might put them in another post. thank you so so much for this ask anon i am in your debt

#mission impossible #mission impossible 1 #claire phelps #jim phelps #ethan hunt #long post #jim phelps evil polycule

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zmediaoutlet · 1 year

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hi z!!! happy wincest wednesday, the holiest of days, amen etc. an anon yesterday turned me on to the song daylight by david kushner and these lyrics stuck out to me as very dean-coded: "telling myself it's the last time/can you spare any mercy you might find/if i'm down on my knees again?" my question for you is this: why is dean the one that jumps to mind whenever i see any lyrics or poetry about being on your knees? what is it that makes him fit so well with that kind of submission?

avaaaaaaaaaa happy wincest wednesday to you!

You have come to me on this holy day with the thing in spn that I think makes me totally bananas-craziest (aside from the whole sam-dean relationship, which obv is like the bananas foster of being bananas crazy): why oh why oh why oh why does Dean Winchester, ostensible tough guy and big brother and hunter extraordinaire, immediately crash to his knees given the slightest provocation -- not just in our fevered imaginations but also in actual fact. Like. What the fuck is that??

I think part of it naturally has to do with Jensen's affect, as we've discussed elsewhere, but also it's just...

There's this terrible inbuilt need in Dean. There's always something about him that's just -- begging. It's an interesting thing to pair with his essential cynicism. Maybe part of it is that he always had to be the one who was relied on: John's helpmeet, Sam's caretaker. Responsibility rides him from age 4 -- he has to be steady and strong and reliable and he's never ever ever allowed to put that down. He can't go play an arcade game for a few hours because if he does his little brother is almost killed. He can't be a normal kid who's good on the wrestling team because he has to be in the car, taking care of his family and his job. He can't have a girlfriend of any seriousness because she can't know who he is, because he has to be ready to go at a second's notice, because with great knowledge comes great responsibility and if you put that responsibility down, if you turn your face away from the life you've been saddled with, all the people who'd suffer or die that you could have saved are your fault.

No wonder he wants so badly for someone to take that responsibility off his hands.

One of my favorite things about Dean & responsibility is that he hates it but he literally can't get away from it. There is no version of Dean who could stop hunting. There's no version of Dean that could look at some thing in the paper and let it truly be someone else's problem. There's no version of Dean, and this is key, that could stop feeling responsible for Sam. On the worst days I think Dean wishes he could be rid of all these things (even Sam!), but the thing is that if he were rid of them he wouldn't be Dean Winchester, and also the burden of the responsibility is itself a form of love. He wouldn't be happy without it and so he has to find a way to love it -- he does like hunting, after all! He likes saving people! He gets joy out of doing the job well! He loves Sam, to the last atom, and truly would never choose to be parted from what loving Sam means!

But -- god. What a relief it would be. How much easier to just go down to his knees and have the burden removed. How simple and clean life could be if the self he'd built up to deal with all this responsibility could be cut out like so much rotten wood -- to serve without the misery of questioning or being forced to make decisions -- to look to someone else and say what do I do, or even better to not even have to ask and just be told. Mercy.

Luckily, Sam is merciful.

#does daisy celebrate ww? i hope so #nibbling a rope for brocest #happy wincest wednesday #answers #dean as object #dean and responsibility

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ragnar0c · 4 months

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Did these for the OoS crew... it took a really long time for some reason BAHAHA....

Brainrot underneath the read more as usual. But the pics themselves speak volumes if you know the characters... the brainrot is just in case you don't know, how each character reminds me of each oc. But mainly so I can get the brain worms out of my head!!

EOCs: (Hana, Alope, Ignis, Enid, Tank)

Hana:

Korra, Elise Liedl, Alice (Pandora Hearts), Rita Mordio, Frieren, and Edward Elric

Most like: Elise, Korra, and Rita.

She's desperately trying to prove herself as a Zodiac (Korracore) and has massive dreams of grandeur she'd do anything to fulfill. (ELISE) She likes to think she'd sacrifice anyone and acts cold but really is afraid of connections for the same reason. As a result she's overly attached to the object of her research since she can't hurt it and it can't hurt her. (Rita)

Very reminiscent later on (like frieren) but acts headstrong and louder (like ed or Alice) when she feels passionate enough.

Alope:

Bolin, Rose (Tales of Zestiria), Denji, Mae (Fire emblem echoes), Kanami (Log Horizon), Luz (TOH)

Most like: DENJI

Alope doesn't have a last name or parents it seems. She's stuck in someone else's debt... (Denji) shes poor but it doesn't stop her from being silly and kind initially (Bolin) She does what she needs to do to get jobs done while people hesitate. Along with a strong sense of justice... poor common sense while in conversation tho. (Rose++ Also Alope is scared of ghosts just like her too. )

one thing comes to another and Alope goes from that loud kind girl to someone who's been traumatized and feeling at fault... Wrestling her self doubt and resentment but at the same time will still do anything to right her wrongs. (LUZ MY BABY)

Mae and Kanami are there for vibes. They radiate Alopenergy

Ignis:

Niren Fedrock, Kento Nanami, Vander, Optimus Prime, Hohenheim, Lukas (fire emblem echoes)

Most like: Hohenheim.

An ex knight who follows a strict code of chivalry... he's kind, takes the helm with things are chaotic and is a good leader (Optimus, Lukas). It could be seen as a sort of facade though. Considering he left his past behind and this is sort of his last attempt to relive/fix it but better and older. (Hohenheim)

He's aloof and calm at first which gives him a cold look. But is notoriously sensitive when you know him. (Hohenheim) cares deeply for his family and guild (Vander. Niren). But is especially estranged from them at times with the whole aloof... reliving his past thing.... (HOHENHEIM. Lukas a little)

Nanami is on there bc his principle that adults should do things and not children is something Ignis strongly believes too. It's why he's so concerned about the girls.

Enid:

Reki Kyan, Okappa (Plastic Nee-san), Kisara Nanjo, Enid (O.K.KO), Brunhilde (Record of Ragnarok), Chastel and Hisca Aiheap (Tales of Vesperia: First Strike).

Most like: Reki Kyan.

A Monk whose emotions fluctuate constantly. (Brunhilde) They try to be levelheaded initially but are si passionate about others it spills over in excitement or anger (Reki). Prone to comedy violence when pissed (Okappa). Watches over the guild like how the twins (Chastel and Hisca)... so like nagging sisters BAHAHAH.

A skilled fighter, but has a soft side. (Kisara) they are trying to tap into it, but neglecting their fighting skill, something that was a big part of their identity seems to have made them doubt themselves and envy the others. (Kisara. Reki.)

Enid O.K. KO is the literal inspiration for Enid's name and a littleeee bit of their voice too. I crushed on Enid O.K. KO pretty hard and love the name bc her.

Tank:

Shikamaru, Raven (Tales of Vesperia), Lavi (D-gray man), Maes Hughes, Jake the dog, Saber (Fire emblem echoes)

Most like: tbh. I thought initially that Tank's board was the craziest but all these characters are so much like him I can't pick.

A guy who seems laid back and lazy and complains about work. Does anything to "avoid" it. Who always puts on a huge show so people don't suspect a thing from him. In reality, Tank is very meticulous and picks up on things about his guild before the others do. And despite his complaints about work will always pull more than his weight when he has to. (Literally all of them)

Though he's shady, he stays beside Enid and treats them like a sibling. (Saber) Though at times his treatment of them is dubious and he gives them counter productive advice (Jake)... He sees Enid as an idealist and would do anything to protect her (Hughes). He tries to keep his distance from everyone else, but the longer he stays the harder her finds it as he nature picks up on all the little things about them they don't know. (Lavi) Seems to have some unspoken backstory that affected him and changes his motives. (Raven and Shikamaru)

#ragna ramblings #BRAINROT #oos ramble #EOC: Hana #EOC: Alope #EOC: Ignis #EOC: Enid #EOC: Tank #queued post

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dylansslutt · 2 years

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moving on 5/ j.m r.c

part five my loves finishing this off and then with the new season might bring it back lol

warnings: violence, obsessive and abusive rafe ,

long awaited i hope you enjoy.

after john b was accused for murder and him and sarah left over seas. things were over the top messy. yet the only sane thing was having jj, he kept everything going for you.

rafe was distant, so not having to deal with him let you breathe. until things got hectic with pope and the return of the thought so dead to be sarah and john b.

during the grief, jj was bad, real bad. you tried to help him cope, keeping on his ass about certain shit. even once leading to a huge arguments, the two of you in tears at the end.

but when his hand cupped your cheek, wiping the fallen tears. eyes boring into yours he knew at that moment. he was deeply inlove with you and there was nothing he could do about it.

“i really think the gods sent me you.” the soft words made you giggle, leaning more so into his touch.

“promise me, you’ll never leave.” you begged hope filling through you. in an instance his lips devoured yours, pulling away moments later.

“after all this shit? you are stuck with me!” he swoops you into his arms, smile spreading across your lips with laughter escaping.

“oh you gotta be jokin’.” sitting up fully feeling panic arise within you. you knew rafe would go this insane. kidnapping you and sarah, but now it all clicked.

ward was the craziest mother fucker out here.

“sarah, please tell me im just high as a kite!” you beg as she watches you in despair, the same thing she feels. yet, the panic in you was... what is going to happen.

after stating you were his and telling jj about it, things shifted. jj was more protective, rafe more distant but eyes always watching you. yet, after everything went crazy things were less worried about, until now.

god you wanted to be sick, wishing this was some sick nightmare.

“hey sweetie.” he spoke soft, your eyes glued onto sarah who looks horrified. why is it everytime they have something going on, im here?

“it’s me. i know this is impossible to you, but i am going to explain-” sarah slaps him across the face, making you snicker softly.

“you’re right, im sorry. i deserve that, i do. i know i do. you have been through hell, and that’s my fault. im sorry i-” he begs but i stand up cutting him off.

“you are literally the most insane fucking person i’ve ever met.” throwing an ‘sorry’ look to my best friend. ward ignores me as sarah plops down on the couch with a horrified look on her face, my heart aching for her.

“i can promise you. i didn’t have any other choice.” he kneels, “i didn’t and i dont expect you to understand that now. all i can do is tell you what happened and answer the questions.”

glaring at the man, “uhh, question? why the fuck am i here? i have a family, life, friends, a boyfriend.” tears well up in my eyes, gaining attention from ward.

“i needed to make sure my family was all together, all together and safe.” ignoring sarahs cries he points at me.

“you have a opportunity for a better life, y/n. not living like those dirty pogues, with my son and with a real future.” you stumble back knees hitting back against the seat, plopping down on top of it.

“oh my god.” sarah makes eye contact with me in horror, tears streaming down both our faces. your heart thumped wildly and you felt numb.

as ward explains how he faked killed himself, you start looking around the room for anything; a way out, a weapon, gun, key. as the conversation starts to end, rafe appears at the door making you freeze.

his eyes glue onto you but shifts over to sarah and ward, “but i had to make sure rafe got away.” me and sarah heads both lift up at that.

“thank you dad.” rafe calls out. oh my god these people are sick, he just covered up his sons murder with faking his own death what the fuck.

“atleast one of us is faithful.” he glares towards sarah, not without glancing to me.

“that’s psychopathic, both of you.” she spat at him. my eyes remains on the boy, his glare sending a horrible feeling over me.

“like father like son,” you mumble as his eyes roam you up and down. holding an emotion you couldn’t decipher. you look around the room to escape his gaze. your stomach twisted, the heat in the room rises.

tears slide down your cheek, staring at the men before you. “i’d rather die, then ever be apart of your sick disgusting family.“ you spat

rafe sighs, walking off as ward just gives me a stern look. you knew sarah didn’t take your words to heart, but you were just kidnapped and offered up as fucking bait.

it’s pretty obvious my emotions right now.

after they left rose came in and sarah came up with a plan to escape, she pushes me first through the door and you dash off. turning back seeing sarah not too far behind, “go! we need to find a phone.”

turning right running down a short hall as sarah heads the opposite way. you quickly come to a dead end, cursing to yourself. turning back towards sarah direction, you come close but freeze.

she got caught, quickly shoving myself behind something to stay hidden you wait. no clue what the fuck to do, you look around able to glance at the ocean, no land, no phone, no nothing.

stress arises through you, “okay, y/n... breathe.”

pushing yourself out, quickly moving towards the complete opposite way. trying to be quiet, you hear wards voice from above. okay sarah and him must be up there, upper level.

turning the hall, you making direct eye contact with rafe. heart dropping in your stomach, you dash around running as fast as you can. stairs that led downstairs was the best option, skipping steps to avoid him.

almost losing him you turn too fast on a corner, hand flying out to stable yourself. instead you grab a burning hot metal pipe, making you scream out in pain.

you trip falling completely back, hand clutched close to your chest. rafe steps out into view. a whimper escapes your lips, trying to scoot back.

“please, rafe.” you were begging at this point, completely terrified. “i-i never wanted to hurt you. im tr-trying to protect you!” he yells over me.

the range of his tone made you shake visibly under me. “protecting me by hurting me? that’s not love rafe!”

his hand grips your foot, yanking you closer, directly under him. “you think you know love? huh y/n? with that pogue boyfriend of yours!”

you go to push him away but you forgot about your hand making you sob. rafe stops for a second, glancing at your hand. “let me see.”

you try to move away but he grips you closer, “ATTENTION!” red lights blare across the boat making rafe distracted. you kick him in the balls before scrambling up and running away.

“fuck!” his voice was heard but you didn’t stop until you found a good spot to hide for a moment. you try to regulate your breathing, but your breathe hitch at the sight of your hand.

it was red and blistered, some skin even completely raw. looking down at your tank top, you rip some of the bottom. looking around you manage to see a small wooden spoon.

placing it between your lips, you wrap your hand as delicately as you can. the speaker was still going off which was weird. when you finished you keep the spoon in your good hand, incase as you head towards the top of the boat.

turning the corner you slam into someone, your eyes lifting to catch the last person you thought you’d see. “john b?”

his arms wrap around you instantly, tears brimming. “i-is sarah with you?”

you nod, “yes, but we got lost. ward has her john b, i think.” he analyzes your face.

“are you okay, y/n. jesus.” he cups your chin softly to look closer, you shrug him off.

“im fine, who is all here?”

“everyone.”

“okay you go find sarah, ill go find jj and them. be safe john b, im serious.” with a final look you both headed in seperate directions.

passing by the main area to see it empty left you confused. yells coming from the other side, made you rush through the halls to stumble out on the side. “kie!” you scream towards her as she looks at you in awe.

running forward you were surprised when the blunt force of a machete connected with your head. falling forward, dizzy as hell you felt arms grasp you.

everything was doubled and your head pounded, but you stood up. held close to jj, you stumble slightly.

“jj watch o-” jj’s bodies thumps forward, flipping you two over the boat. water immediately soaks you, almost inhaling some of it. you push up to the surface, barely able to notice jj upside down.

“jj.” you push him on his back, resting his weight onto you. the light was too bright and you had no energy. “y/n!”

kie quickly helps grab onto jj, you barely able to stay afloat yourself. “i-im so so-sorry.”

the confession that left you broke kie’s heart, “no! no, y/n.” she begs, but your vision started to spot with black dots.

“kie, im scared. i-i cant stay up.” the words escape you as your head dunks under. kie pulls you up but your arm slips out of her grasp, you struggle up to the top once more.

“im so sorry, guys.” she sobs as she struggles, you try to keep afloat but you finally go under.

you felt yourself being dragged out of the water, “come on y/n!” sarah sobs, patting your back. water escaping your lips, along with deep coughs.

“oh my god.” your eyes flicker, trying to adjust to the lights as you were enveloped into a hug. your eyes finally focus on everyone.

“hurry go!”

“he has a gun!”

everything was brought back as your eyes landed on an unconscious jj, you move forward quickly. landing beside him, hands gripping his face.

“jj!” you tap him softly, “come on, baby. w-wake up, okay.” you began to softly sob, a gunshot goes off just as they get the thing to start.

“jj! come on, pl-please dont leave me.” with that he coughs up water making you laugh.

“wassup?”

“oh my god, never do that again.” you fell on top of his chest, relief spreading through you. even in the middle of nowhere you felt safe with him. anywhere.

#jj maybank smut #JJ Imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fluff #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x y/n #obx rafe #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks imagine #barry outer banks

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redrobbrivers · 9 months

Text

and i do understand that my complaining about something not that major that happened over a year ago is probably annoying to my followers and mutuals especially those who have been through so much worse and i am truly sorry if i come across as insensitive (and if theres anything specific i have said that you find insensitive please please let me know). but like i truly believe i would have at least made some fucking progress if i hadnt been fucking forced to repeatedly rehash my experiences for a bunch of useless fucking therapists (4 in a matter of less than a year, plus 2 psychiatrists) i would have been able to at least somewhat make it past this (based on a similar experience i had when younger, though who knows maybe the fact that happened is part of what makes this so upsetting to me). and the craziest fucking part? the first therapist i spoke to (who i never ended up returning to) LITERALLY TOLD MY FUCKING PARENTS THAT I SHOULD ONLY BE IN THERAPY IF I THINK ITS RIGHT and you know what they fucking did? said theyd give me three fucking weeks before forcing therapy on me. first of all: he didnt fucking say i needed time before talking to someone he said i shouldnt be talking to someone if i didnt want to. second of all: if he did… three weeks? lol. lmao, even. it would be one thing if me not working put financial strain on my parents but it didnt. (isnt it funny how pro psych ppl switch up when one of their god-kings disagree with them? lol) and like it isnt just my falling out with my roommates. my academic career was sabotaged. my family lost thousands of dollars (which my parents love to use to try to guilt trip me when they literally forced me out of school against my will good thing im not fucking STUPID lmao). the entire situation then led to me falling out with my other group of friends, which yes was mostly my own fault due to how i was acting after what happened but that doesnt make it hurt less (also like wow wonder why i was acting out). it was a violation of my legal rights and it put me in a situation of being forced to find an apartment for the next school year when i had already taken measures to secure one months prior to that! (wow a woman being called delusional and crazy for asserting her legal rights while also being made more “crazy” through what’s happening to her? where have i seen that before? thats why i will never give a shit about a single greenie 🖤🖤🖤)

although i do have one thing i do want to say about my home friend group while i was definitely not innocent in the situation. one of the things they got upset at me about was “youve been using the gc to vent a lot and its really kind of tough :(” like a) imagine having such a fucking charmed life that Existing In The Vicinity Of Someone With Actual Problems is too much for you to deal with AND expecting aforementioned person with actual problems to fucking feel sorry for you??? b) i had one friend who used the gc to vent just as much if not more for literally at least a year beforehand (compared to my 3 months) and no one ever gave him shit… yeah notice how its HIM? but do go on about how nobody cares about mens mental health lmao

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deadass-pool · 8 months

Text

october 22, 2023 - hi

life is weird.

in a way that i just realized that this time around last year i was with Gab and i was watching Loona for the first time with him and other Ppop and Kpop acts. I was hung over some dude, because he hasn't replied to me the entire day.

AND I ALSO REMEMBERED, craziest part, is that when i was with Gab waiting for the show to start, he mentioned about knowing who Kuki is and that we both just know her as the cool girl who dress well on instagram.

CRAZIER PART, i am now in a band with Kuki, the same fucking day and I am literally typing this as I upload our pictures on our drive because I'm still not THAT tired yet.

I don't have any words about this, but I truly believe I am meant to make music with the coolest people I know. And seeing that I am literally just connecting with the people who have always been around where it is sometimes frustrating because it would make me think "why haven't I met this person before?" but it is real when they said time will truly tell.

I mentioned before that I have a band now, i think, in my past blog entries. Alot has happened, lost alot of friends especially the ones who I thought would stick around in the end, I know it's my fault at my end too, but some of us just do get tired of reaching out. I will be telling that story in the next few entries but for now, I would like to tell you that life was weird in a good way for me.

Artists that I've been listening to are slowly acknowledging us, as the band. It's weird how these are just the cool guys that you used to follow on the internet when you were in college because you thought they were cool and you were merely just known as an "enjoyer" and a chronic shitposter with a soundcloud account.

We were being invited to numerous gigs left and right and prod teams really do ask for us to play at their events and that's crazy, I didn't know that we were that fun to have around. It's nice to see that people like us too.

I have so much hope for this band, alot has happened too. Alot of changes and each of our lives were still uncovering in each passing day or whatever the fuck i'm saying at this point. It's just crazy how I always knew I am meant for this. To be on stage, to be in front of the people and to play music with my friends.

We were fully booked the entire October with gigs here and there, and we even had the time where we had 2 gigs for like 2 days straight back in August. That's also crazy!

I am having fun and I haven't felt like this in so long. It's like coming home to a place where you always belong. I love music so much and I hope to play more and make more with my band. I truly believe in us. I really do.

I am meant to be heard in sounds that I make and I am meant to be surrounded by the same people who share the same dreams as I do.

Sincerely,

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sholangagaga · 2 years

Text

Roxanne: Sorry for having great tits and correct opinions on everything. as if its my fault

Glitchtrap: ruin the lives of everyone around you and then die

Vanny: words of wisdom

Freddy: How are you?

Bonnie: I literally wanna disappear without an explanation but thanks for asking

Monty: Can't remember what my personality is supposed to be like. I wish I had written it down

Sundrop: everyone knows that the real way to show someone you love them is to find them a really cool rock. Not diamonds or anything, just a neat rock you'd think they'd really enjoy

Moondrop: Might ghost everyone and call it a year

Monty, to Bonnie: I have feelings for you. not telling you which ones though

Chica: whats your biggest fear?

Roxy: Being forgotten

Chica: wow thats deep

Chica: Mine's the kool aid man but I feel kinda stupid about it now

Gregory: Fact; I can jump higher than any tree

Vanny: Oh? And how is that possible?

Gregory: trees cant jump

Vanny: I will destroy you

Vanny: How do I know ZERO celebrities? You guys always talk about famous people and I have no idea who the hell they are but then it turns out they're the most well known and liked person on earth right now!

Vanessa: because all you do is talk to demons in computer programs

Vanny: He told me to murder a child the other day

Vanessa: You seem like the type of person who thinks robots are just made to make people's lives easier

Vanny: Well aren't they?

Vanessa, pointing at Glitchtrap: He hasn't made anyone's life easier and you know it

Monty: bro but in a flirty way

Gregory: What happens if you press the brake and the accelerator at the same time?

Freddy: it takes a screenshot

Roxy: Get out of my raceway

Monty: How dumb do they think we are??

Chica: Sometimes Roxy leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list

DJ Music Man: what if "It's Raining Men" and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" are both about the same event but from different perspectives?

Freddy: I am literally begging you to stop

Chica: I think you're spiritually a new yorker

Roxy: this is the nicest way to call someone an asshole I think

Monty: *wii channel music playing as he lay dead on the ground*

Freddy: I just want to draw tiny hearts everywhere because Im full of love and the world is cruel

Foxy: It's been a long week

Bonnie: It's only 4pm on a Monday

Monty: y'all'd've'f'ld've

Chica: you all would have if I would have???

Freddy: did you just make a complete sentence using contractions

Roxy: the south is out of control

Freddy: Not to get political or anything but what the fuck is oatmeal

Bonnie: I'm going for a facial expression that's a mixture of "How the hell did I get myself into this mess" and "I'm surrounded by idiots"

Foxy: Honestly I think you nailed it

Gregory: i'm going to defeat you with the power of found family and this gun I found

Roxy, to the tune of The Final Countdown: It's a mental breakdown

Freddy, showing the slightest sign of affection:

Gregory: I'd kill for you

Chica: I'm not lying on the floor physically but I am lying on the floor spiritually

Bonnie: You're stupid, I like that in a man

Chica: got some chicken noodle soup and a nice warm shower. Craziest part is Im gonna eat my soup in the shower

Monty: Take a super hot shower and just use that water to make your noodles. Chess not Checkers

#back at it again it seems #i promise im working on chapters #i just also wanted to laugh #enjoy #fnaf security breach #security breach #glamstar au #glamstar fam au

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agntofhydra · 4 years

Text

Sawbones // SIX

(gif credit)

summary: Red String of Fate Soulmate AU

Soul mates have a red thread tied to each others pinkies that only one of them can see.

You’re the Resistance’s head medic. You can see the red thread of fate that leads you to your soulmate. Poe doesn’t believe in the soulmate / thread theory. You don’t agree with his tactics, nor does he approve of yours. Leia and Holdo just really want a win.

pairing: poe dameron x reader

rating: mature for later chapters

read me on ao3!

the masterlist | the playlist

read on till the end for notes!

CONTENT WARNING: this chapter contains drug use and more swearing than usual.

SAWBONES // SIX

CALM DOWN, STARBOY.

You’d surprised yourself, honestly.

Maybe you were cut out for politics - the way you were able to stand in line with Poe and the Generals, keep your face blank and greet the new recruits without a scowl? It was nothing short of impressive. For you and Poe to stand shoulder to shoulder, his hands clasped behind him while yours were clasped in front, and not glance down at the stupid fucking string and notice that it was probably the shortest it’s ever been entitled you to an award. Maybe a nice vacation, off base? For the entirety of this training?

That would be nice.

You half expected Poe to jump into her arms, like people often did when their significant others returned from a flight. He didn’t. In fact, Poe’s expression did not crack from it’s diplomatic mask. Shoulders back, jaw clenched and chin out, Poe scanned the pilots as they left their ships, and you couldn’t help but watch him from the corner of your eye. Poe now diametrically opposed who he had been in your office, his stupid smile now a faint memory.

Diplomatic, political Poe was one you hadn’t met nor seen in person.

Diplomatic, political Poe was hot.

Poe’s posture elongated his spine, jutted his chest out and brought forth his collar bones. Your eyes once again traced his gold chain.

Maybe you didn’t deserve all the praise you’d previously granted yourself as you openly ogled the man next to you. But Poe was your soulmate. It granted you an ogle pass, whether or not both parties were aware.

The pilots had lined up, helmets off and tucked under their arms. They were the perfect image, the very epitome of what people would want to see on Resistance banners. You’d purposely not remembered their names in spite. You were the Head Medic of the Resistance - they should have to introduce themselves to you.

Leia greeted them, her words sounded garbled as your eyes met the infamous Scoria Tane. She stood tall, her long white hair in a loose french braid. Her chestnut skin seemingly unmarred with such trivial marks like pores. You felt the breath leave your chest as her eyes flitted over to meet Poe’s. No matter how brief, you still caught it. You couldn’t feel any change in Poe’s demeanor, but you didn’t want to chance glancing over to see if there was a smile on his face. No need to put salt in an already festering wound.

“This is our head medic,” Leia introduced you. Your head turned to hers before returning back to the recruits with a small nod. You were really mucking up your air of superiority.

Besides Scoria, there was only one other human. And he was staring at you.

“It’s an honor to be here, Generals,” the man spoke up, his eyes momentarily leaving your figure to address Holo, Ackbar and Leia. “It seems like a large base. I don’t know about my fellow pilots, but I would love a tour.” His eyes were back on you.

“I’m sure Commander Dameron would be more than willing to accommodate you, Commander Ancin,” Holo nodded.

Ancin smiled slightly. “Doctor, would you have the time?”

You had been trying very hard not to meet his gaze, but his lack of subtlety forced your hand. However, Poe had beaten you to a response.

“She’s very busy,” he cleared his throat. “Still has to conduct your physicals and stress tests. I am more than willing to give you a tour,” his tone was clipped.

Ancin didn’t even spare Poe a glance, and you saw Poe clench his hands from behind his back out of your peripheral vision. You desperately wanted to pause time, to knock your shoulders or nudge him with your elbow. But you couldn’t, not with the audience in front of you.

“It’s fine, Commander Dameron. I’m sure I could spare some time,” you responded, feeling like your skin was on fire. No doubt the white of your coat further contrasted the fact that your face was also on fire.

“Great,” Ancin switched his helmet to the other arm. “Can we begin now?” He turned to Leia quickly. “My apologies, unless there was more to be discussed?”

Leia gave him a tight smile. “The specifics can be gone over later.”

Ancin nodded before breaking formation with his fellow pilots and grabbing your arm. “Shall we, Doc?”

If you would’ve had the time to turn your head as Ancin grabbed you, you would’ve seen the way Poe clenched his jaw impossibly tight and watched as the Coruscant’s pilot Commander dragged you away. If you would’ve perhaps taken the time to drag your eyes away from Poe’s chest and face earlier, you would’ve noticed that since the beginning of this whole situation, Poe had been slowly dragging the pointer finger of his right hand over the base of his left pinky.

If you did, maybe you wouldn’t have agreed to showing someone around a base you barely knew yourself.

“I’m going to apologize in advance,” you began, subtly removing your arm from his grip. “I don’t really know the base that well either. I know hangars, cafeteria and meeting room. But only in relation to the medbay.”

“That’s okay,” he smiled down at you. “We can figure it out together.”

You hadn’t forced yourself to memorize the names of the pilots, but hearing Ancin jogged your memory from when you had skimmed their files. You were pretty sure his first name was Cane, and if the galaxy could pick one person to represent them, it would probably be him.

Cane Ancin was objectively gorgeous. He was tall, several inches taller than you and most likely Poe, too. His cheekbones and jawline were sharp, and you remembered bitterly that he must be ridiculously fit, because he had one of the lowest resting heart rates you’d ever seen. He was broad, and his curls rivaled Poe’s. You outwardly winced at the comparison.

“Something wrong?” he asked, putting a hand on your shoulder. You tried not to shrug it off.

“Nothing. Just uh, remembering all the stuff I have to do back in the medbay.”

Cane wasn’t bothered. “Let’s start moving then, yeah?”

The two of you had continued walking for a couple of paces, Cane watching you out of the corner of his eye, not even bothering to take account of where the two of you were.

Fleetingly, you wondered if the base would be able to accommodate both Cane and Poe’s ego.

“Why did you want me to give you a tour?” you asked, his silent watching pushing you to the brink.

Cane shrugged. “Is it a crime to ask a beautiful woman to show me around?”

You blinked at him.

“Tell me,” his voice viscous like honey. He increased his stride so he could stand in front of you, abruptly stopping your movement. Throwing civility to the wind, you openly scowled.

“Can you see your thread?”

You wanted to roll your eyes. Could you have a conversation about literally anything else or was the soulmate tether your whole life now? You couldn’t work, sleep, or even eat without thinking about it. You’d never piloted one before, but you were sure that you could figure out how to steer an x-wing into oblivion. Sure, you had two of the best pilots in the galaxy on base that would catch your ass in no time, but it was nice to pretend that they couldn’t.

Cane looked you up and down slowly. You weren’t exactly sure what he was looking at. Your boots, black leggings and white coat buttoned up to your throat didn’t really emanate sexy, but this guy was weird. It probably did seem sexy to him. Your scowl deepened.

“I can see mine,” he drawled. Now would’ve been a great moment for one of your infamous ‘i’m gonna be sick’ moments. “And let me tell you, I like where it leads.”

You snorted. “Calm down, starboy. I can see mine, too.”

Cane deflated.

“Does that actually work? Do you get people with that?” you questioned, tapping on your chin. “Even on a few shots of fire-water I still don’t think I would’ve fell for it.”

Cane didn’t stay off-guard for long - after you were done speaking, he let out a laugh and held his hands up as if to say, ‘well, I tried.’

“It does sometimes,” he said. “The addition of fire-water does seem to increase the chances, though I figured I would try it with you regardless.”

“You pilots are always so risky,” the two of you fell into step again. The tension seemed to have dissipated instantly. “Always shoot first, ask questions later.”

“You speak from experience,” Cane raised an eyebrow.

“Do you know how many pilots end up in my medbay because of that mentality?” You shook your head. “Craziest beings in the galaxy, I swear.”

“Dameron is the worst of us,” he responded, and you didn’t miss the way his expression steeled. You stayed silent, waiting for him to continue.

“Commander of the Resistance? You really trust that guy?”

You narrowed your eyes, the words your brain wanted to speak in defense of Poe stilled at the tip of your tongue. You didn’t expect someone to join the ‘I hate Poe Dameron’ club, but as soon as it crossed your mind, you realized you weren’t even part of that club. You were in the ‘I hate loving Poe Dameron’ club. President of the ‘My soulmate is a douche but it’s totally my fault’ club.

You could go on.

“What’s your issue with Poe?” you asked.

“Typical he hasn’t mentioned me,” Cane scratched his bare jaw. It made you realize you preferred stubble. “He’s just...not the guy you all think he is.”

“Don’t be vague,” you said, annoyed.

“The guy just...he’s not this straight-laced, hero of the Resistance. Hell, I haven’t even been here a day and I can tell the whole base fucking worships him, and for what?”

“For being a good pilot?” you answered what was most likely a rhetorical question. “For risking his life every time he gets in that ship, getting us First Order intel and directly playing a role in saving the galaxy?” You were getting angrier by the second. Whatever past he had with Poe, you didn’t care about it.

“Might I remind you it’s the same galaxy that you and I both live in? We all have shit we’ve done in the past. How we move on from it defines us.” You stopped yourself before saying something you would regret, revealing too much to a man you didn’t know. And honestly? You didn’t care to.

You continued when Cane stayed silent.

“You don’t have skeletons in the closet? If you know Poe’s, I’m sure he knows yours.”

You turned to him, conveniently stopped outside of the double doors to your medbay. The harsh fluorescents illuminated Cane’s face, exposing the conflict and discord written all over his features. Whatever thoughts were floating in his head made you feel uneasy, as though you were teetering on a tightrope. Cane didn’t meet your gaze, instead he chose to finally notice his surroundings.

He inhaled deeply and exhaled for longer. You waited patiently.

“I’ll see you around for my tests, Doc.” Cane continued to walk down the hallway, and you fought the urge to point out that it was the opposite direction he needed to go. ...right?

You couldn’t dwell on your mediocre sense of direction before you heard the whoosh of air form the double doors opening and FX-7’s bulky metal frame towering over you. Droid or not, you could feel the disapproval from the lit, annular holes in its head as they bored into your back.

“You have plenty to do,” was all the droid said before it retreated back into the medbay.

✗ ✗ ✗

Yes, you had plenty to do. So much so that it took you up until early morning to finish. It was so early, (or late?) that you had recoiled when you’d checked the time.

But, as you were heading back to your quarters to catch up on sleep because you were in no rush to start taking vitals on the new recruits, your arm was caught on fire.

Not literally, but it felt literal. Like every nerve ending was ripped from your skin, abraded and exposed. And it all originated from one point on your hand. You fought the buckle of your knees, desperately applying pressure to your pinky finger after loudly yelling a string of expletives. As you took another step in the direction of your quarters, the pain impossibly intensified. Somehow, your brain was able to act logically as you quickly retraced your last few steps.

As you moved backwards, the pain slowly dissipated into a deep throb, coming from both your hand and somehow your chest? You inspected your arm, turning over at least seven times. Your medical training had never taught you, or even touched on anything related to...whatever just happened. As you retreated back to the medbay, the pain intensified again.

“What the fuck,” you gritted through your teeth. Stepping back from the double doors, you continued forward. And for the next few minutes, you continued like that. Walking and retracing your steps, following the path that didn’t beset your body in so much agony your vision went white.

In your course around the base, you were at a junction you’d never been to previously. To your left, the hallway led out to the runway and to your right, a dead end. However, a few experimental steps in either direction revealed that your phantom arm pain was directing you straight forward.

Honestly, fuck the galaxy, you sized up the door in front of you. Whatever forces were at work right now, pulling your sensory nerves like strings on a marionette could fuck off. Sending you to weird parts of the base that you’d never been to (it could’ve been a common area actually, you never really explored) and sending you to a blank, durasteel door? Another healthy dose of fire shot up your spinal cord.

“The thread is sentient,” you tried to catch your breath. “All of the past soulmates in the galaxy have joined together to kill me.”

Rationally, there was no way you were correct but you were running on empty and had been updating the files on the pilots until you thought your retinas would burn out. Maybe this was a dream? You could definitely be dreaming.

Shaking out your right arm, you bounced back and forth on either foot. You were going to go through this mystery door. Enter the mystery door that didn’t make your arm feel like the thread was pulling tight between your arm and torso as if to amputate it. Yes.

Before your mind could bitch out, your muscles pushed your legs forward by reflex - acting before the brain could process. Your hand pulling down on the handle, a component most doors on the base didn’t have.

Blue.

Your entire field of vision was met with a murky swirl of blue. The room was of decent size, maybe slightly smaller than your office. From what you could see, it looked like a storage room. The walls were lined with shelves that contained extra orange jumpsuits, helmets, blankets and clothes of all sorts. In your pursuit of orienting yourself, you disregarded the figure sitting on the ground against the wall opposite you.

With one leg forward and the other bent at the knee, the source of the smoke dangled loosely between the fingers of Poe Dameron.

But you didn’t realize that yet, because it was dark and hazy and you were confused and what was that smell? The acrid fumes were coupled with an odor that was almost...sweet? No. Tart felt like the better word. Sharp and sour and sitting on your tastebuds.

As Poe dragged on the stick in his hand, the embers that burned at the end burned brighter and attracted your eyes. Then, you noticed him.

“Dameron?” you squinted through the smoke, trying to swat it out of your vision. “Are you seriously smoking spice right now?”

In your confusion and disbelief, you didn’t notice how the throbbing from the remnants of pain in your arm had become an amalgamation of both the lingering pain and a new, warmer sensation. Pleasure.

“I’m surprised you know what this is,” he blew out a long stream.

You tried not to scoff. “I was a teenager once, too.”

He was silent for a moment before lazily motioning with the hand that held the joint to the spot next to him. With a concerning lack of reluctance you’d think on later, you sat down next to him.

“My entire left arm has been killing me all day,” he took another hit. You frowned as he blew the smoke out at you.

“So weird that there isn’t someone on base that could do something about that,” you replied casually, but your mind was spinning. His arm was hurting too? What the hell was going on?

He shook his head, ignoring your response and offered you the joint instead. Surprising both him and yourself, you took it, rotating it in your hand.

“Take a hit,” Poe urged. “You can turn off your doctor-mode for one seco - are you really inspecting it right now?”

You looked at him, confused. “Um, yes? Why are you inhaling this when you don’t even know what it’s made of?”

Poe blinked at you, albeit much slower than usual. “To get high.”

You tapped the ashes into the palm of your hand, then handed the spice back to him. His hand slowly, meticulously took it from your grip and brought it back to his lips. Rubbing the ashes with your pointer finger in your palm, you brought the fine, cerulean powder to your eyes, studying it before lightly placing your finger on your tongue. Poe’s eyes tracked every movement.

“It’s similar to Ryll,” you noted. “An ore from Ryloth. It’s usually used medicinally, but it can be refined into some good fucking spice.”

“You’ve smoked spice?”

You took the object in question from his grip, putting it between your lips and taking a deep inhale. Holding it, you smirked at him. You laughed while exhaling, your lungs somewhat relishing in the sweet burn you hadn’t felt in years.

“Medical school was hard.”

“That’s…” Poe’s eyebrows twisted as he tried to find the words, “so...normal? Of you?”

“Thanks?”

Poe leaned his head back against the wall. “You’re always the head medic, the doctor of the Resistance. You make it really hard to get to know you outside of that. Is there someone beneath the white coat?”

You took another hit to avoid answering and Poe had no issue in continuing.

“I had to ask that engineer you always hang out with,” he paused, thinking hard to remember Jasti’s name before giving up and continuing, “what your actual name was. The people I asked before didn’t know.”

“Everyone calls me Doc. I don’t mind it.”

“I do,” Poe snapped, uncharacteristically hostile. “Stars, I’ve made such an effort for you.”

“An effort?” you echoed.

“To get to know you, to spend time with you. Maker, I even thought for a second - “ Nope. Poe wasn’t high enough to let that statement loose.

But you were just high enough not to notice.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized, the usual weight on your chest now heavier. “I don’t know how to act when people want to get to know me. I haven’t for a long time.”

Poe placed the joint on the ground, letting it burn out. The two of you sat in silence, slowly inhaling and exhaling the chemicals that swirled in the air. You could feel yourself becoming heavier and weightless at the same time. Your physical sense felt light, but the burden of everything else came down heavy.

“I hate having him here,” Poe began. “Ancin.”

“Did you know him previously?”

Poe swallowed thickly, and you watched his adam’s apple bob up and down. The thought crossed your mind again - the sensitivity of his carotid. It would be so easy for you to find out right now, to just lean over and place a finger, or even your lips on it. That part of your brain that kept you rational and reasonable must've been short circuited by the spice because it wasn’t telling you not to find out, not reminding you of any and all consequences. For once, your brain felt quiet.

Leaning his head back up towards you, he caught your staring but you couldn’t be bothered to look away. Maybe he was sensitive elsewhere, too. You had dated a guy from Corellia who went absolutely feral when your lips met his sternum. You wanted to find out if Poe was the same way. You wanted to place your lips on every inch of his body, test each section of skin for a quick intake of breath, a twitch, goosebumps. To feel his fingers, calloused from years of flight maneuvers and switches, testing you for sensitivity.

In your reverie, Poe had begun to inch closer at imperceptible increments. His left hand resting flat on the ground - next to your right. His left pinky laid over your right as he leaned in, tucking some hair behind your ear to justify his proximity. His head turned, his lips now ghosting over the strip of space between the bottom of your earlobe to the joint of your jaw.

“Is this okay?” He whispered, and you closed your eyes at the feeling of his lips brushing against you.

“This better not be a dream again,” you said under your breath.

Chuckling, Poe pressed his lips to your temporomandibular joint as you tilted your head, giving him full access. “Again?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Your filter was gone - your brain now occupied with the double assault of the spice and having Poe Dameron press kisses onto your skin.

“We don’t have to talk,” he said, unbuttoning the top two buttons of your white coat to give him more access to your neck. He sucked lightly at your own pulse point, and you sucked in a breath.

“Sensitive?” Stars. The irony.

“Are you?” you bit back as you brought your hand to rest on his bicep.

“Want to find out?” he pulled back to meet your eyes. In spite of your slow movements and cloudy train of thought, you had never felt so clear, so confident in an answer.

You licked your lips, moistening them as your hand slid up from its place on his bicep to the side of Poe’s face, stroking your thumb lightly. Poe sighed, leaning into your ministration and tangling his pinky finger with yours. You could feel the blood buzzing underneath your skin, your sympathetic nervous system sending adrenaline and epinephrine by the gallon to account for how fast your heart was racing.

You copied his earlier movements, pressing your lips to various points along his jaw, his neck. Testing what he liked the most. When you got to your target, you boldly licked the spot up to his jaw. Poe’s hand tangled in your hair, breath shuddering.

“That’s a yes for you, too,” you whispered with the last remnants of air in your lungs.

Finally, your brain rejoiced through the fog.

You continued kissing, nipping at spots here and there. At the notch between his collarbones, Poe groaned.

“Scoria.”

You stopped.

Pulling away, you mustered the courage to meet his eyes. The smoke of the room now felt suffocating, not intoxicating. You felt like you were being smothered, and you were now noticing the lack of fresh air in your lungs.

Poe’s eyes met yours, too before widening.

Your hand left his face, your pinky leaving his. The dull ache in your arm had returned. You swallowed thickly, nodding.

“Fuck. I’m - “ Poe couldn’t straighten out his thoughts, let alone form a sentence. Very clearly in his mind, he had known it was you kissing, sucking on his neck. Her name had just..slipped out.

“No,” you cut him off before he could formulate some half-assed excuse you didn’t want to hear. “I’m sorry. I should’ve have - I forgot about - “ You couldn’t find the words either.

Standing, you looked down at him briefly, noting how the red thread of fucking fate bisected his torso, standing out starkly against the blue of the smoke and his button up.

“Thanks for the spice,” you forced, before leaving the room.

Walking down the hallway, continuing your initial course of returning to your quarters, you felt extremely sober. What else could sober you up faster than the guy whose neck you're kissing moaning out the name of another woman?

Looking down, you quickly redid the buttons Poe had undone.

I’m sorry? Your mind replayed the moment. Sorry for what? Poe is yours.

You stopped in your tracks.

Poe was yours. Why the fuck were you embarrassed that you were indirectly kissing your soulmate? Apologizing because he was currently in the middle of wasting his time with another woman? Sure, it was girl code not to do what you had previously been doing, but soulmates were excluded from girl code. Whether or not it was indirectly (...or directly) your fault that he was with her wasn’t important.

So, yeah. Fuck being sorry, fuck being embarrassed. You were done tiptoeing around the subject. Operation ‘Poe is my soulmate and I’m finally going to do something about it’ was a go. You couldn’t waste any more time.

The realization that you would explode if you had to spend any more days of your life without Poe’s lips on you was completely unrelated.

-----

are you guys screaming? i'm screaming.

also, poe looks high af in the gif above so...i felt that it fit well.

but what a wild rollercoaster this has been & will continue to be. I hope y'all are excited for the ride, because I am. Can't thank you guys enough for the love & support. don't be scared, share the angst with your friends!! xoxox

also!!! official sawbones playlist because i am a slut for playlists. i’ll be adding and removing, so lmk how you feel about it :)

TAGLIST (message me to be added!)

@yayrainday @samhollandssweaters @softly-sad @rebelgeneraldameron @btillys @daydreamerinadazedworld @teaofpeach @iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall @fandom-addict-aesthetics @peterwandaparker @bookaholicinwonderland @roserrys @clydesducktape @heythere-mel @justrunamok @corrupt-fvcker @lets-do-get-help @agents-assemble @idocarealot @phoenixhalliwell @afootnoteinyourhappiness @gottalovethefandom @bbuckysbeardd @stanningtoomanypeopleatonce @missreyskywalker @katrynec @lizajane3 @shootingstarzmagick

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron fic #poe dameron #slow burn #soulmate au #red thread soulmates #red thread of fate #star wars #star wars sequel trilogy #pre-TFA #romance #enemies to lovers #ish #fem!reader #medic!reader #mine #coworkers to lovers

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alovevigilante · 3 years

Text

Belief in one’s ability to create is the key to actually generating and experiencing it in 3D form. The brain creates the energy around the desire you feel. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

The reason why you may not be seeing your desires come to fruition in your three dimensional reality is because in some way, shape or form you, yourself, are holding it back in some capacity. How? And why? It could be one of a myriad of reasons.

One reason may be because although you may think you want it, you’re not really feeling it completely. You may be afraid to change into the new reality, and tend to lean towards the older, less desired, but easier because already established one. Like, for example not switching jobs because you are comfortable where you are. You can’t stand your boss, cause he/she/they are an ass, and ask ludicrous things of you daily that are ridiculous and no one should comply with, but, you’re used to it, and you like your cubicle and the hot lunch in the cafeteria, that serves meatloaf on Thursdays, and that’s pretty ok. So, you choose to stay in a situation you aren’t fully down with. And you know what?! The pay blows, and you feel under appreciated, but yet you still continue to hang out in that ass place regardless, cause you know how to get there, even though it’s a 2 hr commute there and back. And that’s cool and all, but not really a reason to stay, but for you, it may be. You may be afraid to navigate the city, to a new location, because Mapquest sent you on a wild goose chase one time, and you ended up in an industrial area with no outlet, when you were trying to get to an important meeting. That can happen. I know, it’s happened to me. And that’s why google maps trounced mapquest. And waze did too. I don’t even know if people use mapquest anymore, because yes, it sends you on a quest alright, but not necessarily the one you signed up for in advance. And that can upset your apple cart greatly, cause you already had the plan! The plan was set! But you are lost now, in an unestablished, incomplete part of town with no one there to guide you out, ok?! And you call where you want to be, and say, “I’m not there! I’m here! And here is ass! Ok!?” But no one answers, cause they’re busy being there, and not in the abandoned, desolate crap area, where you are, by no fault of your own. And you have to call someone yelling, because lost, and where the hell are you?! And it takes you fifty two minutes later, and a tangible map and live navigator, like Keith Richards in pirates of the Caribbean, but on land, not see, and not him, cause he’d probably lead you on a disastrous seafaring mission where you would develop scurvy, but at least you’d get to listen to a decent guitar lick before you die of dysentery, when really wanted to do was to get out of the craziest wilderness that has been given up on, in an urban area.

Cause you found a place, much like Christopher Columbus the director didn’t, that hasn’t been discovered on the map yet, and there you are! And people are counting on you to be in their place at a certain time, and not this barren place, with construction all over creation and tumble weeds that aren’t there cause it’s the city. So what do you do?! I said, what is it that you do?!?!?? You stay, in your tried and true, marginally ok place, and don’t try to move. It can happen...

Another reason may be because some things that you are choosing to partake in, in your 3D life are contradictory to the desire you believe you want. For example, you may want to be an exotic birdwatcher for a living. But you don’t live near anywhere near the exotic birds. You don’t even own a pith helmet or a pair of binoculars. And you don’t have any link to anyone that will hire you to do that, nor do you have any experience or association that would appreciate and hire you for said experience, who would also, in addition to that if you did, fly you to where the exotic birds you want to study, reside. And you refuse to buy the plane ticket yourself! So you mope, and you pout, and you say, “you know what?! I didn’t like those ole exotic birds anyway! Who do those birds think they are? With their feathers and pretty colors?! Screw them!” I mean, how’s a bird supposed to know you’re interested in them?! They can’t go to you, nutball! They’re busy being birds! So, you’re SOL, and it sucks, cause all you want to do is look at and engage in some exotic birds action. But again, you are choosing not to take steps to get near one.

And the third reason may be, because you don’t really believe you’re worthy of being happy. And that’s just ass thinking, cause everyone, is entitled and worthy of that.

All of these things, are bs. You are a creator of your own life with your feelings. So make, deliberate choices to feel good. And by that I don’t mean to mask the feelings by something that may placate the feelings of lack you decided to focus on, and feel better just in the moment, then worse later. I mean, make a conscious choice to feel better than you do right now. And do that, as much as humanly possible, and not the other crap choices that just hinder you in the end.

Creating your reality is a constant, and needs attention to detail, and clarity. The universe refuses to outright give you what it knows won’t light you up, but if you continue to contradict your own desires, it’ll throw up its hands and allows you to experience your own chosen ass flow or, in this case your resistance to your own desires, to be your reality you see through your perception, and that’s what you will experience daily. And I must definitely have have a dragging defiance to a lot of things, because here I sit, discussing all of it, and there’s still things in my life I’d like to see happen, and not just ruminate around in my head as “what if’s”. Like, for example, I’d like a few millions of dollars, a lot of few, like at least over 20, so I can help a ton of people, and myself to things I enjoy, like creative freedom, and the ability to choose my own path in life. I’d also like to pay for my boob lift, no. Ahahaha! Cause they’re ok, and I’ve decided to be cool with them, as they lower themselves down to belly button level, to defend it from countertops and other things that I may lean on from time to time... and other important things like that.

So my long winded and long boobed point is this; being you is great, no matter what your situation. You know why? Cause you’re literally making your life what it is with how you see it, and how you choose to feel about it. And yes, you can switch it up! What an awesome place to be! You’ve made your life, terrible! Which means you’re In the drivers seat of your own life! You did that! You decided, my life sucks! And you see it, in everything and in everyone you talk too! Then you open a window and yell outside, “Yes!!!!! I did that!!!!!! I made my life blow like joe!” Which means to you that you can decide every decision you make from here on out differently with a better, more positive energy. To others, they may witness that and think you’re ready for the booby hatch, cause they won’t know the context of your exclamation. But that’s none of your concern. You did it! You figured out that you can decide closer, or farther away from what you want. And the more you move towards you truth, the better you’ll feel. And that feeling will take you all kinds of places and put you in front of all kinds of fun people doing amazing things you never thought possible! And you, are the one feeling, and thinking and doing your way to it! You choose better and better, and before you know it, your ok life has turned pretty damn good, to super great! And so on, and so forth. And on and on and on we go, experiencing exactly how we want to feel minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month, and year by year, happier and better, and healthier and wealthier and wiser and more crazy and fun and silly and artsier and more and more creative and in the love til poof! You explode into another higher dimension because you’re so happy with everyone everywhere, and it’s all due to your thoughts. 🙌💕

That’s life. Pretty cool.... But you gotta believe it. Then from there it’s all about the inspired action, Jackson... 🤷‍♀️😉😆💪💕

#choose love #love matters #love manifestation #self reflection #self love #self esteem #selfworth #self improvement #self care #self development #selfie #selfie love #me #a love vigilante #life #life blogger #life choices #life is what you make it #keith richards

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electricshoebox · 3 years

Text

writing tag

Tagged by the lovely @adventuresofmeghatron, thank you!

Tagging: @junemermaid, @molliehaswords, @desynchimminent, @valkyriejack, and @mercurymiscellany, if you’d like to do it!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

39. Holy shit.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

533,274 words. Holy shit.

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos?

How to Share a Bed Without Killing Each Other: a Love Story (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, 5 Chapters, Complete) The trials and tribulations of literally sleeping together.

Rivers in the Sand (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) The Hissing Wastes unsettles Bull’s memories, and when he and Dorian are trapped together by a fallen pillar, Dorian helps him deal.

a soft place to land (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) When a letter from his father sets him off, Dorian turns to Bull for a distraction.

Always Good at Bad Ideas (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) Bull gets injured fighting a dragon, which leaves Dorian frantic enough to blurt out the one thing he was trying to keep to himself.

Flashpoint (Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dorian/Iron Bull, Oneshot, Complete) “One time he got so excited he set the curtains on fire.”

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, always! I’ve seen various opinions on whether authors should, but to me, engaging with and getting excited with readers is half the fun and half the point. I also just really want people to know how much it means to me not only that they read, but that they take the time to leave a comment. Comments are hard to write. I completely sympathize with that, sometimes you just don’t know what to say or how to say it, and I absolutely don’t begrudge anyone that doesn’t. It just means a lot to me when people do, even when it’s literally just “This was cool!” or something, and I want them to know that it’s appreciated!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. I guess that sort of depends on your definition of angsty. None of them have directly tragic endings, it’s just not in me to write that way, but I have one or two with open or less definitely, obviously happy endings. The rarepair DA2 oneshot I wrote for Merrill/Orana, Counting the Cost, has the most open ending, left completely up to interpretation. The Inception AU DAI fic I wrote for Dorian/Bull, In the Shadow of Dreams, has what I think of as an optimistic ending, and less a happy one. I tried to end that one with more romance, but it just didn’t fit the tone of the rest of the fic, so a quiet ending that signals a road to recovery was what I chose instead.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Most all of my oneshots have pretty happy endings. I guess I’m tempted say A Line in the Sand, my Deacon/MacCready start-from-scratch slow burn novel, just because it goes from antagonists to lovers and has the longest road with the most earned happy ending. I feel like the long struggle to get there makes it feel happier.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. Instead I’m sometimes tempted into AUs based on other media, but not full blown crossovers with actual different characters meeting. Even then, I’m really picky in what I enjoy. I’ve only written one, the Inception AU for Dragon Age that I mentioned above. Honestly, it requires no knowledge of Inception at all. I really just stole a bunch of concepts from it and then made my own modernized Thedas around them.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no! I’ve received one or two kind of odd comments, but otherwise I’ve been very lucky and everyone’s been really nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Hell yeah! I’ve written many kinds, really, whatever I feel like or whatever fits the fic. I’ve done plenty of your typical smut. I branched out into light BDSM with several of my Dorian/Bull fics, as well as waxplay and praise kink. I’ve also done some roleplay in the vein of “established relationship pretending to be strangers meeting at a bar” for Deacon/MacCready with By Any Other Name.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! Two of my Dorian/Bull fics, Wishing Stars and No Patron Saint of Silent Restraint, both by the same lovely person: landanding on AO3. I don’t think I stopped flailing for a solid day when I got the request for permission either time.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not since pre-AO3 days, beyond collaborating in a tabletop setting. I’m not completely opposed to the idea but it would have to be someone I felt really, really comfortable with and with whom I have really good communication. I’m really particular about my writing, and I’d need to know someone’s emotional comfort level with trading and changing and even eliminating ideas.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh god that’s honestly really hard. I’ve written the most for Dorian/Bull and that ship will always have a special place in my heart. But I did write my first full-length novel for Deacon/MacCready, and they’ve already got me in the middle of my second. So they’re the ship that taught me I could do that, and they’re my beloved rarepair. There are a few more I absolutely love, but I think those are my top two right now.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Definitely Uprising. It was the first time I tried longform fic, and it was meant to be an entire retelling of DA2 with Velanna as the Justice-bearing character, rather than Anders, because after learning the developers almost took DA2 in that direction, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I had a lot of plans for it, for how Justice might develop differently, for what it might have looked like if elves had been more of the battleground issue instead of mages vs. templars, for some angsty bittersweet long distance Nathaniel/Velanna and some complicated Fenris/Hawke and Merrill/Orana. But I drifted away from Dragon Age fandom in interest a long time ago, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the steam back for it. I’m proud of how far I did get, though.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I feel pretty confident with dialogue, I can usually make a scene flow with it pretty well and I spend a lot of time trying to be meticulous about character voice. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback on my descriptions, which I appreciate and wouldn’t have considered a strength, but my readers have been kind. I think I’m pretty good at including body language, too, though maybe to a fault.

16. What are you writing weaknesses?

Much as people have been kind on the feedback, I really feel like action scenes are a weakness for me. I don’t enjoy writing them and I struggle a lot to make them feel like they’re flowing over just bulletpointing. I also feel like I struggle to make them exciting. I feel like I struggle with exposition scenes as well, and keeping them interesting over info-dumping.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m generally in favor of including them, but with the caution of doing thorough research if it’s not a language I speak. I shy away from it if I can’t be completely sure it’s accurate, because I don’t want to risk putting off a native speaker reader, or saying/doing something offensive. I’d expand that to include anything about another culture, really. For example, I’ve been slowly picking away at writing a Fallout fic for my Sole Survivor Anthony and Preston, and part of what has been slow going is just making sure I’m getting Anthony’s culture right. His parents immigrated from Vietnam, and I want his experiences with them and with his culture to be as accurate and respectful as possible, not falling into any stereotypes but also being allowed to be complicated.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Depends on what we’re measuring. The first fandom I ever wrote fic for of any kind was Sailor Moon. The first fandom I actually put fic on the internet for was Lord of the Rings, on good old fanfiction.net. The first fandom I published on AO3 for was Dragon Age.

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

God this is such a hard question to answer, my feelings on my writing change so often. I think it’s hard for A Line in the Sand not to be my favorite for the reasons I’ve already mentioned, it’s my first successful novel-length fic, I accomplished a lot with it and learned a lot from it, and it’s a rarepair I got to kind of develop from scratch in my own way.

But if I look back at my whole repertoire so far, just to branch out from the usual answer, I’d say I’m also really fond of To Have and to Hold, which was the first time I ever participated in a minibang, or really any kind of writing challenge. It’s a Dorian/Bull established relationship fic set during Trespasser, and it’s kind of a meditation on Dorian’s past and present and how they’ve shaped his feelings on love and commitment and marriage, all while he’s trying to decide his future. I’m proud of how it came out, and I think my Dorian voice still holds up okay. Plus I had two incredible artists working with me who put together stunning work for it, and how could I not be super grateful for that?

It’s funny, most of the top ones up there for kudos are ones that I don’t personally think are my best, it’s a lot of my very early offerings for Dorian/Bull that I think I could improve on a lot of if I tackled them now. I’m grateful people like them but I feel like they’re more an accident of timing, being published early in the ship’s popularity.

#writing tag #writing memes #my writing

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 4 years

Text

Forget Me Not (Part 2)

Summary: One day Dean seems to remember the reader which gives her hope about maybe getting him back home. But something isn’t sitting right with the reader when she looks into his medication...

Part 1

Pairing: AU!Dean x reader

Word Count: 2,900ish

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, mentions of death

______

“Hi Dean,” you said, taking a seat across from him at lunch. He glanced at you, staring at your visitors badge.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said. You froze in place, Dean going back to shoveling some ravioli in his mouth.

“You know my name?” you asked.

“I remember my girlfriend’s name,” he said with a smile. “Although I suppose we aren’t dating anymore.”

“Dean, what-“

“I sort of unsnapped this morning. I was watching freaking Lassie with the goldfish guy and the chick with that wears the pink bucket on her head and I was just like what the fuck am I doing in here? Sammy didn’t want this for me. I got issues but shit, you come see me every single day and...I remember those conversations now. I’m tired of being scared and I want to be attached to people. Being alone sucks,” he said.

“Let’s talk to the doctor after lunch and see if we can work on getting you out of here.”

“So he’s an involuntary patient now is what you’re saying,” you said, crossing your arms in the doctor’s office.

“He had a mental snap. That’s not something to be taken lightly,” he said.

“I have been coming here every single day for months. I was stuck here for two months if you remember, Dr. Devon. I know what crazy is. Dean is not crazy. He was scared and now he’s decided he’s not going to be so what’s the problem with taking him home?” you said.

“Sane people don’t have mental snaps,” he said.

“Can I take him out for an hour or two at least?” you asked.

“No. It’s too much for him and I don’t want him to have a reliance on you,” he said.

“Reliance? Sorry I’m not like all these other poor people’s families and don’t come visit them. I’m quite literally the only person he’s got left and I’m not leaving him behind.”

“Are you sure you don’t have an unhealthy obsession with-“

“I’m in love with him. You should try it sometime. Might fill that pit in your chest,” you shot back, slamming the door on the way out.

“Hi,” said Dean the next day. You forced a smile on your face, Dean shaking his head. “Don’t pretend to be happy just for me.”

“They won’t let you leave on account of what happened,” you said.

“I figured. I may have snuck back and took a look at my chart.”

“Always the troublemaker,” you said, rubbing your hand through his hair.

“Apparently I’m nuts. I do have a favor to ask though,” he said.

“Sure.”

“Sam’s birthday was last week. Can you get some flowers or something and put them by wherever he wound up?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I can do that. You got your days all settled again?”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “Y/N...I don’t think they’re ever going to be letting me out of this place. I don’t want you to be stuck to me. You don’t...you don’t have to stay.”

“Wow. That might just be the craziest thing you have ever said to me,” you said, Dean rolling his eyes. “Uh uh. Sorry but you’re stuck with me.”

“But why? I’m like the world’s worst boyfriend,” he said.

“I had the world’s worst boyfriend. The abusive one I killed, remember? You got scared Dean. Sam was...he didn’t look like Sam after he died and you had to see that from what they said and were trapped in that car with him for close to an hour. That was your worst nightmare and you were forced to live through it. I’m so sorry you had to see that baby and that you lost Sam that night. I am. But you’re allowed to get scared over it.”

“I didn’t get scared, Y/N. I had a mental breakdown,” he said.

“Well I had one too when I shot that asshole that used to hurt me,” you said. “I’m not abandoning you Dean. You saved me from this place and I’m gonna save you from it too.”

“Pill time Mr. Winchester,” said a nurse, setting down two paper cups in front of Dean.

“We’re having a conversation,” you said.

“Just forget it. I don’t want to get in trouble with nurse Rachet,” said Dean, tossing them back.

“Funny. I’ve never heard that one before,” she said, rolling her eyes as she walked away.

“Do you even know what those pills are for?” you asked.

“They make me sleepy and zone out I suppose,” said Dean, scratching his head. “They always gave them to me here.”

“Even when you were voluntary?” you asked. He nodded, licking his lips.

“Always makes me thirsty,” he said.

“They didn’t give me anything when I came here and I was definitely involuntary,” you said.

“Maybe they always knew I was nuts,” he said.

“Did Sam know they gave you pills?” you asked.

“No...what are you thinking while I’m still coherent enough for this conversation,” he said.

“I don’t know...I...honestly I always thought it was strange how you reacted after the accident. I mean, you did so well after you left and moved in with Sam. I know you were scared at first but a week later you were perfectly okay,” you said.

“What are you saying?” he asked.

“What meds are they giving you?” you asked.

“Uh, I’m not gonna be able to pronounce it,” he said.

“Take my phone and go snap a picture of your file,” you said, handing it over under the table. “I’m gonna get the nurse to leave the station.”

“How?” he said.

“By acting like a dumbass,” you said, knocking Dean’s cup off the table. You stood up and stood in the liquid, making a show of slipping and falling to the ground. You shut your eyes, some feet moving around and you played dumb, peeling open your eyes to catch Dean pop out of the nurses station. “Sorry. I’m a klutz.”

You gave Dean a hug goodbye after you got to your feet, your phone getting slid back in your pocket.

“Be safe in here, Dean,” you said.

“Be safe out there,” he said quietly.

“Do me a favor and throw up that medicine if you get the chance,” you said.

“No complaints from me.”

“Those motherfuckers,” you said that night, running your hands over your face as you looked at your computer. The medicine Dean was on was great for people with severe mental problems like psychosis or those that couldn’t differentiate reality from fantasy or hallucinations. When given to a perfectly normal person though, it fucked them up pretty good.

Dean hit every single one of the side effects. Memory loss, mood changes, depression, anxiety, exaggerated fears. In small doses like he’d gotten during his first stay, it probably fed into his anxiety which turned into fear which probably kept him there. In a larger dose though, it would have caused him to forget about you, the accident, Sam.

“Why are they drugging you, baby,” you said to yourself, tucking your knees into your chest. “Why would they want to keep you there…”

You sighed and pursed your lips, trying to think of why Dean went in the first place. He’d always said it’d been voluntary but maybe he’d been drugged before hand and…

“That’s crazy,” you groaned. You stood and went back to your kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of water. There was a knock on your back slider door and you jumped. Grabbing a knife you looked over at it, your hand immediately dropping it. Quickly you went over and opened it, shutting it after a moment while your glass of water was gulped down.

By Sam fucking Winchester.

“Thanks,” breathed Sam, filling it up again before he slid down the cabinets and started to drink.

“Are you a zombie,” you said, looking him up and down. He stared at you and rolled his eyes. “You don’t look like a zombie.”

“I’m not dead, Y/N. I never was,” said Sam, closing his eyes. “I got fucking kidnapped.”

“What?”

“I’m a lawyer. I apparently won a case I shouldn’t have and now my life is a living hell,” said Sam, crawling over to your fridge. He opened it up and looked around, stealing a sandwich from the shelf.

“Are you okay?” you asked.

“Oh, I’ve had a hell of a time the past few months,” he said. “Listen, about Dean-”

“He’s being drugged to make him a bit on edge or occasionally crazy. Yeah, figured that one out today,” you said. Sam nodded and took a bite of his food.

“The car accident wasn’t an accident. Someone hit us and they shoved a big ass needle in his arm and then I think when he woke up, he got fed a story that he believed because of whatever they gave him. We, and by we I mean you, need to get him out of there,” said Sam.

“He’s involuntary. I’ve tried,” you said.

“Is it that bastard Devon? I’m pretty sure he works for these people,” said Sam.

“Okay but why would someone drug Dean before they kidnapped you?” you asked.

“Dean has never been the most emotionally healthy person. I won’t pretend that but he’s never been nuts a day in his life. He went out with this guy’s daughter. The next day, he admits himself to that hospital. She drugged him. She drugged him and got him in there where Devon could keep feeding him meds. Then you encouraged him to leave and he did. He couldn’t force Dean to stay since he wasn’t any danger. It was all part of a long con I found out. This way, once they kidnapped me again, Dean would go back in and I was told very clearly that they can get in but he can’t get out.”

“They were holding him captive without anyone besides Devon even realizing,” you said, putting your hands on your head. “Shit Sam.”

“I know. The drugs probably help keep up the illusion. But Dean’s starting to get used to the meds which is why they finally let me out,” he said. “Now that I am properly incentivized, I’ll do what they say.”

“What exactly are you going to do? This guy’s already in jail, isn’t he?”

“I’m going to take the fall and say I planted evidence and I did it. I didn’t die, I ran to protect myself. If I don’t, Dean gets a big dose tomorrow morning, one that will either kill him or...turn him to mush. I don’t know but it is my fault he is trapped in there and it’s my fault he’s felt like shit for so long and he didn’t deserve any of it. I need your help, Y/N. Please.”

“It’s not your fault Sam and you’re not going to do what they said. We’re going to get Dean out and get these guys,” you said.

“Y/N, there’s no way. I just...I need you to look after Dean for me after I’m gone. Please,” he said.

“Do it yourself. We’re getting him out. Tonight.”

“How? It’s-”

“Sam. You seem to have forgotten that the last guy that hurt me, I killed him. Whoever these people are, they hurt me and my boys. I am sure you’re a whole lotta jacked up and hiding it right now which is fine but we’ll deal with it later. These people got a weak spot. You just aren’t seeing it.”

“What’s that?”

“He has a daughter, Sam.”

“Hello, Helena,” you said with a smile a few hours later. She narrowed her eyes at you from where Sam held her back in the middle of her bedroom.

“Do you have any idea who my father-”

“Crime boss. Yes, we know who your father is,” you said. “Yes, I’m sure he’s going to kill us and blah blah. I am more interested in knowing if you care about what you’ve done on behalf of your father.”

“What wouldn’t a daughter do for her father?” she smirked.

“Don’t make it creepy. I’m talking about Dean Winchester. You drugged him last year, got him to admit himself to the institute down the road,” you said.

“So?”

“Well, your family has been feeding him drugs that aren’t too friendly with those not suffering from certain conditions. I was simply wondering if you’d like to experience what Dean’s been dealing with,” you said. You reached into your jacket pocket and pulled out a small case, unzipping it to reveal a capped syringe.

“You’re nuts,” she said, squirming against Sam.

“No, but you’re about to be,” you said, taking off the top. “Which arm? I’ll let you pick.”

“I didn’t drug him!”

“Yeah you did,” you said, flicking the syringe.

“Okay, I did at the bar but dad just said the guy owed money. He didn’t say…” she said, staring at you. “That’s saline, isn’t it.”

“Yes, it is,” you said, putting it back in the case. “I did not figure you for an asshole Helena and the torturing type. But that’s what your father did. He hurt my boyfriend. He hurt my friend right there behind you. They weren’t bad people. My friend did his job as a lawyer and that is all.”

Sam released her and she shrugged him off, taking a deep breath.

“I’m not asking you to turn on your father or your family,” you said, her gaze wandering over to yours. “I’m not even going to threaten you. I just want you to tell me how to get your dad to back off.”

“If he’s a lawyer I’m guessing you put away one of dad’s guys,” she said, looking at Sam. “That must make you Mr. Winchester. You put away Burt, dad’s second in command.”

“Yes, I did. He killed a young woman,” said Sam.

“I know. She was my friend. Who do you think the anonymous tip came from,” she said.

“Then help us, Helena,” you said. “Help your friend. Don’t let him get out.”

“...What do you need me to do.”

Two Days Later

“Hey, Dean,” you said, popping into his hospital room to find him fast asleep in his bed, his detox bag going through him still. Sam was in the other bed, a few injuries wrapped up as he took a nap.

“Y/N,” said Dr. Martin, waving you out to the hall.

“The boys doing better today? I wanted to see if I could bring them lunch by,” you said.

“Sam’s injuries are healing. Dean’s system is nearly flushed of any traces of the drugs. Physically, they’re both doing well. Mentally, I’m going to recommend some individual and family therapy for everyone,” he said.

“Probably not a bad idea,” you said, smiling as you glanced in the room. “How are they really?”

“Sam is experiencing what we’d expect him to. Dean, I don’t suspect there will be any long lasting effects but the next week is going to be rough for him, the both of them,” he said. “I would just be gentle with them both for now and encourage them to talk but don’t push.”

“Thank you,” you said. You ducked into their room and took a seat in a chair, kicking up your feet with a sigh. “You’ll be alright boys.”

“I’m home,” you said a few days later, carrying a mountain of groceries under your arms. “Boys!”

You heard nothing and carried the bags into the kitchen, smirking when you looked out the back window and saw them each laying on one of your patio chairs.

“How are you two doing?” you asked, ruffling Dean’s head.

“Enjoying freedom,” said Sam, stretching out in his seat. “I’ll grab the rest of the groceries. You’ve been going like crazy the past few days, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Sam. I picked up some stuff for burgers later, figured maybe we could grill,” you said. “I got ground turkey for you.”

“Sounds great,” said Sam. He popped inside and you ran your fingers through Dean’s hair.

“Feeling more with it today?” you asked.

“Yeah. More of those gaps are filling in. Thanks for getting me out of there,” he said.

“You never needed to be there,” you said. He reached up and grabbed your hand, smiling as he looked up at you.

“Please don’t ever do anything like that again though. You could have wound up hurt or worse,” he said.

“I can hold my own,” you said. “I love you, De.”

“I love you,” he said, reaching up and pulling your face down to his. “Thanks for not giving up on me, sweetheart.”

“Never, Dean.”

______

#spn #supernatural #dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #one shot #dean fanfiction #dean fanfic #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x you #dean x #dean x you #supernatural one shot #supernatural fanficiton

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 3 years

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fic year in review post, because i looooove reading other people’s and because new year’s is my favorite holiday (and literally always has been even before i knew or cared about what being a capricorn meant which is how you know astrology is real...)!

first of all, i posted a truly deranged 376,298 words of fanfiction this year, which is... bananas even given that i y’know quit my job in the middle of a global pandemic and have had a lot of time on my hands. i historically don’t do great with unstructured time & i am in fact extremely grateful to this weird hobby and the weirdos i do it with for giving me something to focus my energies during several months of empty schedules and a lot of um emotional processing happening in the background & as at times unhingedly absorbing as it has been, as new year’s & capricorn season work their magic i actually find myself starting to feel very recharged re: the prospect of making moves to reenter real life, in a way that it’s hard to imagine having found my way to without the mental washing machine of throwing myself into.... This.

wild geese (56k, quentin/eliot)

not included in the word count above because i finished writing it at the very end of december 2019, but i’m listing it here because it’s the only magicians story that would be left out otherwise, and it’s my dumb list. this was my shooting-from-the-hip post-4x13 fix-it, started within two weeks of having made it through the series as it existed then and driven entirely by the concept of quentin coldwater finding a way to let the soft animal of his body love what it loves; also in no small part a big love letter to quentin & julia; & to some degree a way for me to process the emotions watching the magicians brought up (mostly actually not bad) about my own history of depression. it surprised me with how long it was, and the fact that i expected it initially to be simply about feelings but it developed a thematically relevant plot-like magic concept, which was a fun novelty for me! it feels very tame compared to everything i’ve written sense, which would have shocked me to hear at the time i finished it, but i’m still very fond of it, particularly towards the end.

burning holes in butterflies’ wings (7k, julia/alice)

a little bizarre niche nightmare story! a tag joke about griefbanging turned into something miserable and weird. the first sex scene i wrote because i got halfway into the story and realized that writing a story from the premise “julia grief-fucks her dead best friend’s deranged ex” and not letting the actual sex show for itself what a psychological and emotional nightmare that would be was just a waste. a very jumping into the deep end way to learn about writing that part of the human experience, lmao.

wreck my days with a violent hunger (30k, quentin/eliot)

i loved this story a lot when i posted it and i love it a lot now; there are stretches where the prose sounds like the prose i had been wanting to write for years and never quite managed, and it also gets at some trauma-stuff i circle back to a lot as well as i’ve ever hit it. i think it’s still my most technically accomplished piece, and it taught me a lot about how to think about writing. also was my first foray into exploring the potential of quentin’s post-resurrection anger, which i spent many hours pondering and dissecting and clarifying for myself for this fic where it gets articulated in one (1) scene and then found myself at this story’s conclusion.......... obsessed with.

damage control for a walking corpse (78k, quentin/eliot, quentin/a lot of people, quentin/being a fucking terror)

my beloved and cherished demon baby.... my most precious unholy nightmare.... i simply have never had as much fun doing anything as i had writing this story! i had a blast leaning into what made me uncomfortable, & letting myself write in detail about sex without the pressure of writing Hot Sex Scenes, & letting myself be propelled by what made me laugh; SO much of this story, including some of the shit that wound up really dark in execution, started from the question of what would be most hilarious to me, personally. i’ve always loved stories about fucked up people in a lot of pain doing ugly fucked up things but i’d never been bold enough to venture there myself, and then this particular conception of post-resurrection q slammed down the gas pedal and would not stop, careening past moment after moment where i was like, is he really gonna do that, and the answer was: yes, and then some. and for all the meanness of this story, i love many quentins but i think i kind of love this one most of all.

how a resurrection really feels (260k and counting, quentin/eliot)

well! as i have said many times, the goal with this & damage control has been, quite simply, to give quentin coldwater what he deserves, which is to (1) completely lose his fucking shit and (2) figure out how to be okay after that; it is not my fault that quentin coldwater is the craziest motherfucker in the history of the universe, and has needed so very many things along the way! i had to learn new ways of thinking about stories just to begin getting this down; writing it has been sometimes thrilling, sometimes boring, sometimes a pleasant stroll, sometimes pulling fucking teeth, but i’m proud of pretty much all of it, from the Big Things it gets at that i’ve been working on in my own brain for years to the goofy worldbuilding details which are a totally new thing for me to be playing around with. this is gonna sound weird and deranged but i legitimately feel like writing this story has changed me as a person, in ways that i’m currently discovering and wondering about; one small way is that when i think about the two chapters that are left i’m like, “okay, another 40k, that’s eminently doable,” which truly is insane to me considering that before this fandom i had never written anything longer than 34k. this entire project really is, and i cannot emphasize this enough, something i had no idea i was remotely capable of pulling off ever in my life until it was happening, so if you are one of the people who has mentioned to me that you are impressed because it feels like something you couldn’t do - you really don’t know that! keep reading! keep writing! keep giving yourself space to grow <3

next year: finishing a resurrection; bigbang fic; beyond that, who knows! i have a WIP list that contains 5 stories i’ve made some level of drafting or notes towards & another six concepts i have hazy outlines of in my head, but i went back a while ago to the WIP/wishlist post i made once and most of those stories have totally lost their appeal for me so, i’m letting the muse take me where it will. hopefully it takes me to some things that are like, short. that would be neat. other than getting the bigbang story done on time, i don’t think i’m going to be setting longterm goals beyond keep writing; my weird hobby has sparked a lot of joy this year, and i want to hold on to that.

#writing tag #abt yr blogger

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detectivereyes · 3 years

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Fic Writer Questions

Tagged by loml @marjansmarwani

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

47 (+ anon fic, ++ two orphaned works... so 50? 👀

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

112,716

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mostly just write for 911 Lone Star... I’ve also written some for 911. Only one other fandom I’ve considered writing for is Chicago PD (or any Chicago shows really) but idk if i ever will. i’m just too into tarlos lmao.

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Get Me off the Boat, I’m Ready to be on Land

I Want to Hold You Like You’re Mine

Maybe My Heart Needs to Break to be Sure

Please Forgive Me For My Faults

I’ll Fall Back Into You Like I Always Do

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’m thinking maybe Nothing’s Ever Built to Last - i mean it’s a hopeful ending but it’s not necessarily happy? or similarly, Get Me off the Boat, I’m Ready to be on Land (linked above) is along the same lines.

also my tk introspec Save Your Tears for Another Day which didn’t do that well but i love it so <3

or i guess Reaching There Is Nothing Left because it’s the Tim fic and well... we all know how that story ends.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

honestly most of my fics have somewhat of a happy ending... but I’ll go with I’m Not the Same Man I was In the Spring because that’s the one that went from the most angsty to the most hopeful?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Jillian and I wrote 911 / 911 Lone Star crossover fic Where You Go, I Go which I thought was pretty good

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I mean... not straight up smut but I’ve gotten a little more adventurous in writing some borderline stuff. Most “explicit” one was this drabble 😬 and then there’s also the anon fic...

9) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! I usually just fall behind, and then spend an entire day catching up and replying to comments from months ago. I definitely haven’t responded to them all, but I should do another round soon. I appreciate comments a lot, so I figure the least I can do is reply back and make sure the commenter knows how much I appreciate them reading and commenting 💗

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I’ve gotten some anon hate for writing whump in general but nothing directly about my fics, and nothing on ao3. I’d like to keep it that way but I doubt that will happen.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I’m open to it if someone wanted to.

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Just the crossover fic with Jillian, but I would definitely do it again!

14) What’s your all time favorite ship?

It just has to be tarlos. idk why those two boys stole my heart but here we are :/ i could probably make a decent size list of all my actual ships but tarlos is really the only one i think about nowadays lmao.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i mean... there are so many bullet points on the fic ideas list that will never get written if those count as wips? but i did start writing something about carlos and mateo talking after 2x12 but i never really figured out which direction i was going in so idk maybe someday?

16) What are your writing strengths?

generally i think i’ve perfected my brand of soft whump. specifically i like to think i’m good at dialogue...

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

i wish i could write longer fics... i mean my fics have been getting longer as i’ve been writing, but a lot of times when i ask people to beta i’m like please tell me some areas you think could be expanded on? (or sometimes they write it for me and you know who you are ily)

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I personally don’t do it bc I don’t think my 1 year of spanish and 3 years of french in high school is good enough to be in a fic... but as for other people doing it, i really think it depends on the context (the character, the show, the literal context of the fic) and also the author and their fluency in the language. honestly though i think the most important thing with regard to this is to listen to native speakers because their the ones whose voices matter.

19) What was the last fandom you wrote for?

take a guess.

20) What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

ugh that’s so hard... i mean i could say any of the top 5 for kudos just bc it’s in my head already that those are the best. but i’m also really proud of some of my more recent fics that i feel like bc the fandom is kind of dead, haven’t gotten as much love. so... i’ll use this q to shout them out :) first ribs like a cage full of fire was so much fun to write, so much so that there will probably be a part 2 soon... also my 2x12 au fic nothing’s ever built to last i’m really proud of!!

tagging some people who i’m sure have been tagged but sorry <3

@moviegeek03 @aliceschuyler @halsteadmarchs @sunshinestrand @morganaspendragonss @reyesstrand

#tagging games

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goldenncherrybombb · 4 years

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Hey dude, I was wondering, whenever you have time, and whenever you feel like it, could you maybe write a fluffy platonic bestfriend!harry with a reader who's like 17-18 and an actress who's in a movie and he writes a song for the movie so that's how they know each other, and they're doing the press tour of the movie together and an interviewer is being rude and Harry defends her?

Oh my gosh, I love this idea SO MUCH! I’m literally a sucker for best friend Harry, it’s my favorite thing to write.

Also sorry for taking a bit to reply, I’m still trying to figure out how to use tumblr, lol. And I changed her age to ab freshly 20 :p

any who, hope you like it!

-m

“And cut!” The director yells, and the bell goes off. Everyone is on the go as soon as he gives the cue. Y/n’s makeup team coming over to fix her hair and makeup.

“Do you guys think I’m doing good?” She questions, a little nervous about how well she is performing. She is a new actress after all, this is her first big Hollywood movie! After many failed auditions, and small parts on Netflix series she finally got herself a big role.

“You are doing amazing girl. No need to be nervous.” Her hair stylist, Anna, reassures her. Her makeup artist, jay, nodding his head in agreement.

“They love you, y/n. You were cast for a reason, girly. Now show em what you got.”

“Thank you guys.” She smiles at them and her cheeks redden at her friends compliments. The bell goes off and they all get ready to film the next scene.

The rest of the day goes well and on her way out she bumps into someone, too busy looking down at her scripts just to make sure she remembers everything. Her scripts and keys fall out of her arms and land on the ground, next to whoever she bumped into journal.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, that was totally my fault.” She quickly falls to bend her knees and pick up her things. The stranger bends next to her.

“‘S ok, I wasn’t paying attention either.” His voice sounds familiar. So fucking familiar. But she can’t put a finger on it. She looks up when she gathers her things. Her eyes meeting the strangers for the first time. “Oh I know you. Your the lead character, y/n l/n.” She smiles at, finding it strange that he recognizes her. Harry Styles. Harry styles recognizes her. And she decides that’s the coolest thing ever. “‘M actually writin’ a song for your movie.” They both stand to their full height and he hands her her keys.

“I heard about that! That must be super cool. I’ve always been super interested in music. Just wish I didn’t sound like a dying cat.” They both laugh lightly at that, and he shakes his head at her.

“Doubt that.”

“I wish your doubts were correct. But unfortunately they aren’t.” He just chuckles before he suddenly remembers something.

“I forgot to introduce myself. ‘M Harry.” He holds his hand out, and she takes it in hers and shakes his hand.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Harry. I’ve actually heard some of your stuff before. ‘M quite a fan of Fine Line.” He shyly smiles and their hands go back to their side.

“I don’t mean this in a weird way, but would you want to go grab some coffee?” She smiles and nods her head.

“Would love too.” He nods and gives her a smile before they turn to walk out. As they walk to his car, she assumes, she remembers something her coworkers briefly mentioned. “Aren’t you gonna have a small part in the movie?” She questions, looking over at him.

“Yeah actually, ‘m quite excited.”

“It’s gonna be fun. I saw Dunkirk so I know you will kill whatever scene you have. Aren’t you in a few with me and Andrea?” She questions.

“Five scenes total.” He informs her. “Then I have a few more with Timothee and Jeniffer.”

“That’ll be fun. We party a lot in those scenes.” She shimmies her shoulders when she says party to add some effect, and it does what she intends to and makes him laugh.

They reach Harry’s car and he takes them to a small cafe. They chat over tea and coffee, y/n also having a double chocolate chip muffin because she couldn’t resist. They talk about growing up, all things music, y/n’s career, Harry career. They both tell stories of the craziest moments they have so far in their journey of success. Both have a good time.

They get to know each other and at the end of the night they exchange numbers. He takes her back to set and drops her off by her car. He tells her goodnight and she does the same, smiling when she sat down in her car.

She hope she just made a new friend. They had so many things in common. From the way they dress, the music they like, their favorite food, etc. She thinks it’s safe to say the connected well at the small cafe and she hopes this is the start of them becoming close friends.

And they do end up becoming close friends over the six months they work together. Harry ended up coming to set more often than not, bringing lunch to y/n or eating the food they serve. They go back to her trailer and eat their food, catching up with each other, and sometimes having a food fight. Harry updates her on the songs he is writing, or the Gucci ads he has been modeling for. She tells him about the scene they filmed, or some small roles she has been offered. They also catch up, asking eachother about how their families are doing, making plans for later that night or if one of them had an event they wanted the other to accompany them too.

They both know each other’s families well. They spend the night at each other houses often. Harry takes her to the studios on her days off, showing her the process of recording. She instantly connects with Jeff as well since they both have a similar since if humor that includes teasing Harry on the regular.

But now the filming was done, and so was the editing. They were two weeks away from the release! Y/n was excited but also extremely nervous. But now they were all doing a press tour. And lucky for y/n, Harry got to tag along because of his small role and because he wrote most of the sound track for the movie.

They were about to go on another interview, this one just her and Harry. Their costars doing their own interviews scattered around the building. She was happy her and harry were partnered to do all the interviews today, it meant more time to goof off with him when they aren’t supposed to.

“Well first off I just want to say thank you guys for sitting down with me today.” The interviewers starts, his name y/n found out, is Ben.

“Thank you for having us.” They both say simultaneously.

“So let’s talk about the movie. I know y/n, you are a main character. Can you tell me what it’s like? Being new to the scene and working around men like Harry or Timothee? It’s got to be hard to contain yourself around the pair.” Y/n doesn’t know whether to scoff or smile through it and act like that wasn’t extremely sexist. But when she sees Harry visibly tense and his face harden she knows to just let it slide. She doesn’t want to start something that her manager will want to kill her for. So she bites her tounge.

“I don’t find it intimidating at all. Both of them are very talented, but I don’t find it intimidating. Especially not when they are you friends.” She puts an emphasis on friend.

“Harry, this is your second roll in a movie, and you wrote majority of the soundtrack, how was that? Do you think you will do more movies after this?” Y/n wants to roll her eyes. Of course he gets a normal question but she gets one asking if she could keep her legs closed around her best friend and costar.

“I enjoyed it. It got hectic and stressful at times. But I really enjoyed it and I enjoy acting and obviously writing and singing so I was glad I could do both.” The interviewer nods and this is how the next few questions go. Y/n getting questions like “which costar would you rather date?” “Did you have a crush on anyone while filming?” Really inappropriate and unprofessional questions. But Harry got questions about the writing process, what his favorite scene to film was, and so on. But it was obvious both of them were fed up with the interviewer asking her the types of questions he was. So after the third question Harry chimed in before y/n could come up with an answer that would answer it but not really answer it.

“‘M sorry, but are you gonna actually ask her about the movie? Or how her acting career has been going? Or just anything other than if she found someone hot or who she would mess around with? It’s quite unprofessional and it’s clearly making her uncomfortable.” The interviewer stills, his cheeks flushing. Even the camera crew stills and in the background I can hear jay clapping and saying “yes Harry” faintly. A small smile forms on her face and she looks over at her best friend, noticing how his gaze is strong as he looks at the interviewer with a penetrating gaze. Harry sounded very professional and calm when he told the interviewer off, but his eyes give away exactly how he feels.

“Right, my apologies y/n. But I think that’s actually a wrap.” He looks over at the director and nods.

He doesn’t even shake their hands before he leaves. He just scurries away with bright red cheeks as everyone’s eyes follow him.

“Thank you for that, H.” She smiles up at him before her arms go around his neck and his go around her waist.

“No need t’thank me. No lady should be asked those questions. It’s no ones business who yeh fancy, or whatever the fuck else he was trying to dig out of yeh. ‘S not the ass hats bloody business.” She chuckles and shakes her head, patting his back lightly.

“It’s ok, Harry. You already told him off, no need to get upset over it again.” She pulls back when she’s done talking and Harry huffs.

“Guess yer right.” She smiles at him and pats his head before they walk off set. As they leave the building she loops her arm around his waist and he does the same around her. Her head rests on his shoulder and his lays on hers as they leisurely walk outside.

“Wanna go get some ice cream?” She questions, already knowing his answer but wanting to see his reaction. His head pops up and he looks at her with wide eyes.

“Course I want t’get ice cream! Only mad men turn down ice cream.” She laughs and shakes her head before he stops in his tracks.

“Race you to the car, loser pays.” She squints her eyes at him and holds her hand out.

“Deal.” He goes to shake her hand but she pulls away and starts running towards Harry’s car.

“That’s not fair!” He chuckles, running a little bit behind her.

And in the end, Harry ends up paying for the ice cream with a pout on his face.

#goldenncherrybombasks #harry styles one shot #fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles #harry styles blurbs #harry styles drabble #harrystylesconcept #bestfriend!harry

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