#constantly trying to dig myself out of a hole i will never escape

[navelgazed]

Wanna fucking turn into gelatin

#literally this money situation has me so depressed #and nobody cares and im never getting out of it #like. my life is not going to get better from here. it has gotten significantly worse over tne last 5 years. #im never gonna be a real adult who has a house or a dog or goes on vacation #im just going to be this. forever. #constantly trying to dig myself out of a hole i will never escape

[pandesalarchives]

i could hear their voices through the loud sounds coming from the pair of earphones plugged in my ears. i had a hard time figuring out whether they were arguing or talking behind my back like usual— and perhaps it was both. as much as i could endure, i ignored them, i ignored the thoughts piercing through my head the way an arrow would pierce an apple.

and to do that, i had to let out a deep breath with eyes wandering all over the place. it suddenly made me feel nostalgic followed with the not so happiest memories there is to keep and reminisce.

it never changed, not the walls that was covered in colorful lines and illegible writings that has grown holes here and there. as a child, i learned my first word within these walls yet i grew up to forget all of them and went mute. i couldn't bring myself to speak, not in front of all these people who turn my words toward me like knives, stabbing me a hundred times enough to kill the same shattered enthusiasm i struggled to pick up from the floor of the messy roon that my younger self had.

then again, they may have taught me how to speak but not for myself.

it felt as if i had nowhere to go, not in the living room where i would constantly meet familiar faces that one day just turned into strangers whose presence would send me wanting to dig my own grave, not in the bathroom where i would want to spend hours without having to think of anything but how to get rid of the obnoxious lines written upon my wrists— scrubbing hard enough that i could feel the peeling of my skin, and most especially not in the kitchen where the knives would constantly flirt with me and seduce my weak emotions to add these collection of intersecting lines.

each second was me desperately trying to fight the repressed demons that used to be under my bed but are now living in the depths of my mind, muttering chants i understood in a way that no word could come equal.

i hated it whenever they would cry, talking in trembling voices, soft and warm— so much that it could as well burn me alive before the hell's flame could. and everything would be my fault.

but that was an old sensation i forgot about, neither guilt nor remorse came to hunt me anymore while tears that turned into red paint escaped the tail of their eyes, widely staring at me but without the same judgement it used to hold against me. it was refreshing to finally get ahold the freedom i have been longing for, one where i don't have to deal with their sharp words tying my hands behind and leaving me helpless, not with their lips ripped to a sweet smile that used to torment me in silence sewed together.

this is what all the heavy sighs i tend to give when frustration gets out of hand meant. it's funny how the tables have turned upside down with my palms covered in thick blood i couldn't recognize to whose exactly belong— perhaps it could be mine as well.

i used to wonder where the noise inside my head was coming from with these quiet walls surrounding me. and as i face the mirror, i finally learned the answer.

[still from the film the blue hour]

#blue hour #write #literature #writing #art #poetry #prose #writer #poet #repressed #emotions #blue

[fated2loveu]

I’m beyond done.

I do my best to improve, be there for my kids, be a good ‘friend’ and all I get in return literally just felt like a fuck you.

I was never once trying to do anything other than make sure everyone was okay and happy, but you know what he divorced me immediately over a misunderstanding and then slapped on poor communication etc etc etc. So I’m sorry I was making him comfortable but clearly “we” still suck at communicating because I would have stopped if he just told me. I honestly thought he was enjoying himself because he didn’t appear to hate it. I tried to pick things that weren’t threatening or pressuring because I knew he was worried I couldn’t let him go and I didn’t want him to think I was trying to win him back.

I’m done. He doesn’t have to worry about me anymore. I’m over it. Washed my hands of it.

I only care about the kids. So whatever they want they can have. Otherwise I’m gone. I’m out of his life.

Kiyo, you’re drunk. You need to rest and calm down. It sounds like Yuuki is drunk too because he’d never say those things to you. You know he worries about you and how what he says will affect you. He says he doesn’t love you anymore but worrying is a form of love even if it’s not the love you wish it was. You can’t keep acting like you don’t see that. He’s moved on. Let him be happy. You’re doing great with your progress and I’m proud of you.

The kids are most important here, but you can’t carry this anger around or they won’t want to be here or with you anymore. You’re getting older don’t waist your time with them being angry or sad, please. They love you and that’s what should matter.

Yuuki isn’t going anywhere. As long as the kids are around he’s going to be apart of our life so you have to get over that. I know you’re angry now but look when you sober up you’re going to be a wreck… I can’t help you any more than I already am. The rest is up to you. If you’re doing your best then that’s the best you can do. Neither you nor I can control Yuuki. If he wants nothing to do with you then he wants nothing to do with you.

Regardless of marital status we ARE a family. The dynamic may not be what you prefer but you can’t deny that fact. You and Yuuki may not be in love or married but we’re still family. You’re the parents of these kids. They need and love you both.

Look go to bed. I’m going to check on the kids and make sure they are still asleep. We can talk more in the morning okay?

Once all the kids graduate high school I’m leaving. I’m going to travel the world again. Escape this place. I hate it here. I’ve tried everything to make still living here bearable because we can’t just move, but it’s impossible. Everywhere I go or look I have to relive bad memories, good memories, and visions. I’m tired of these fucking visions.

I gave up my immortality for this? I should have just given Nobu my life instead.

The only thing that makes any of this worse is I never once felt like my feelings were valid. I’m just constantly being reprimanded and yelled at. I have all this hate towards me I just have to accept. I can’t sit down and just talk about anything without “becoming” some creep here to force myself on someone. I am constantly being misunderstood and misjudged with absolutely no empathy or compassion.

So when this is all over I’m gone. Goodbye.

Kiyoharu… go to bed, please? You are digging a hole you know you can’t climb out of…

Whatever, goodnight.

Goodnight…

#kiyo #drunk ranting to Dai #Dai

[scaramouche-bully]

THAT POST ABOUT OVERSTIM MADE ME REALIZE HOW MUCH I WANT TO DESTROY CHILDE HELP. CAN U WRITE SMTH WHERE HIS S/O USUALLY BOTTOMS BUT WANTS TO TRY TOPPING HIM AND HE JUST KEEPS TRYING TO FLUSTER HER AND TEASE HER AND SHE GETS SO ANNOYED THAT SHE JUST FUCKS HIM STUPID 💕💕

— ☆ Wrecking T*rtaglia headcanons

Includes: Childe

[ Top ] Female reader

Contains: Overstimulation, bratty sub, mind break, sub space, aphrodisiacs, anal gaping, dacryphilia, degradation, size kink, slapping, choking, cock-stepping, humiliation, rough sex, stomach bulge, multiple orgasms, masochism + sadism.

— ☆ Overstimulation headcanons - Xiao, Childe, and Scaramouche 🐏 [ GN ]  

— ☆ Bratty Sub headcanons - Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, and Childe 🐑 [ GN ]

[ masterlist ]

Welcome to the "Bully T*rtaglia" club, we are currently taking applications (u‿ฺu✿ฺ). My original draft was sweet but then my computer crashed and I lost everything. So I'm going to channel all my anger into destroying this man (consensually, I promise the ending is soft.).

— ☆ Childe

When you bring up the idea of you topping him, he doesn't take you seriously but he's open to it. While he thinks it's cute that you want to try new things, he's so much bigger than you, and being on top is actually a lot of work compared to being a pillow princess. Are you sure you can handle it?

One of the big issues that came up during your first times was Childe's competitive nature and how fast his recovery time was. He could have came three times and then suddenly flip you on your back and fuck your brains out instead.

Even when he had the patience to be the sub, he would constantly taunt you and be an insufferable brat. Constantly disrespecting you and trying to fluster you. Always reaching down to finger fuck you even when he was stuffed full.

So the next time you brought him a drink, you decided to add something extra. Sitting patiently as he thanked you and downed the entire cup. It only took a few minutes before he began to squirm in his seat.

Childe's face was slowly growing redder and redder, soft pants breaking through the quiet office, his eyes darting to you before settling on the ground. It was amusing seeing him be so quiet rather than running his mouth off every minute. It's only when you start to walk over him in feign concern does he break out of his haze.

Stumbling over himself as he makes wild hand gestures to stop you but as soon as you round his desk, you see his cock straining against his pants, and the embarrassment flood Childe's face. Trying to laugh it off, you're just so pretty he can't help himself, but he's quickly cut off when you prop yourself up onto his desk and step on his cock.

"W-Wait-" Childe groans as his hips buck into your shoe as he grinds against it. Clutching the hand rests of his chair as he leans his head against your knee, soft keens slipping out as you run your fingers through his matted hair as he humps against you. He makes a confused noise when you suddenly tip his chin up, smile sweetly at him, before he's sprawled on the ground as you slap him.

"When did I say you could touch me?" you shot him a cruel look that sent shudders up his spine but also made his cock throb. Whatever you fed him was slowly making him lose his senses until there was just you, you, you. He whines, still on his back, when you take a seat in his chair and dig your shoe onto his dick, randomly applying pressure here and there, his pre-cum wetting his pants as he yelps at the pain. His hands flying up to lift your foot away but he catches himself as chooses to claw his fingers into the wooden flooring instead as he reaches his peak. It's so empowering seeing the man who used to fuck you stupid, whimper and cry as he cums in his pants just from you stepping on his dick.

"P-Please...ah! mm...wha?" Childe looks down confused to see that even after just orgasming, his cock is still hard. His body is so hot that if he doesn't cum again, he feels like he's going to die. He's tries to lift himself onto his elbows and unbutton his pants before you kick him in the chest and send him back down. He's disorientated from the fall when he feels you sit on his chest, cupping his face in your hands to lift him, before slamming his head down. You're almost ripping his hair out with every yank and slap you abuse him with as he yelps like a dog.

"You filthy whore. Did I say you could cum? You ungrateful brat," you spit out as Childe wails in pain, almost knocking you off when he seizes up and shakes. You don't even need to check to know he came again, "Maybe I should gag you and throw you onto the streets. Let everyone here know how much of a pig you are. Is that it what you want?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" his voice is choked up from his tears as he cries over himself. You almost feel bad but he's basically useless in this state, sniffling over himself as he apologizes over and over again. You softly coo at him as you lean over and kiss him sweetly, taking his arms and placing them on your waist as he grips onto you like a lifeline.

"There there Childe. It's alright now, we're going to teach you how to be a good boy. That's what you want right?" you whisper to him as he nods. You pull yourself up even as he grips onto your clothing to stay with him as you unclasp the buttons of his pants and free his cock. Still red and hard in your hands as if he hadn't already orgasmed twice in the span of a few minutes. He's already so wet with pre-come that you don't even need to find lube to jack him off. Ignoring his moans and screams to stop, he's still sensitive, you take him to the hilt in your mouth. Quickly pinning his hips from jerking upwards and choking you, you're the image of content as you swallow around his cock as Childe throws his head back and sobs as he cums down your throat.

“Pl-please, please, mmn- put it in me, please…” he manages to pant you, his mind melted as his eyes blink in and out of consciousness. His body is still burning hot and he can't escape the feeling of being empty. He wants to be filled with your cock, stuffed fill until he can't live without being fucked by you. You've completely ruined him.

"It seems we still have a long way to go. You really are a disappointment Childe," you sigh as you wipe away the stray cum dripping from your mouth as you reach over and feed it to him. He whines low in the throat at tasteing himself but feeling you touch him in some way is the only thing grounding him before you pull away and stand up, "Go on. Finger yourself open for me."

"W-Wha?"

"Childe. I said. Finger yourself open. I won't repeat myself again."

He quickly nods, not ready to disobey you again, as he lifts himself up to get his pants fully off. He knows what you want and it makes the fire in him burn hotter. Using his own pre-come with shaky hands, he reaches over to hold his legs up for you, and circles around his rim before dipping inside. The embarrassment of holding himself open like this and your watchful gaze almost has him cumming again but he can't. He wants to be good. He does his best to spread himself open at this awkward angle but he soon loses himself. He should feel ashamed for getting off on someone watching him but it makes him finger himself deeper and harder. He's taken out of his pleasurable moment when he feels your hand join his. Taking one hand as you spread his ass to see his loose hole. The pre-cum from his cock slowly leaking down. You're absentmindedly lacing your fingers inside him, before pulling both your hands out as you line your strap on to his rim. He didn't even notice you put it on.

"Did you know I had to fake every orgasm because you were such a sloppy fuck? Perhaps I should show you how to fuck someone properly," is the only warning he gets before you grip his hips until your fingernails draw blood, before slamming into him. He throws his head back and chokes on his screams as his cock shoots cum all over his chest.

"Who said you could come?" you spit out as you grip his cock and squeeze harshly as he screams. The overstimulation is too much, it hurts. He's desperately trying to push you away but whatever strength he built is lost. Only able to lay there and take it. He looks down to see his stomach bulge with every thrust you make, the image of you rearranging his insides sends him flying as he tries to cum again but the death grip you have on him, he just can't. He's full-on sobbing as you continue to abuse his prostate, he's going to break, you're breaking him.

"nO! P-PLEASE! STO-" he begging as you continue to pound into him. You push even further, until your cock fully inside him now, and stay there rubbing right up against his prostate. Watching amused as Childe tries to shudder to the large intrusion, the never-ending pressure on his sensitive spots makes him almost feral. You swear he has hearts in his eyes right now.

"Pleasepleaseplease-"

You pull out slowly, just until the tip is inside him, before gripping his wrists as leverage and ruthless slamming into him. Childe parts his hips in a voiceless cry as you finally break his mind and fuck him dumb. He scrambles against the floor as he tries to find anything to ground him, trying to fuck himself back on your cock as he drools all over the floor. His vision leaves him as all his senses focused on the harsh drag of your cock in him, the wet slapping noise that fills the room, and the tears that slip from his eyes down to the floor. His cock throbs with each thrust you force into his body, thighs jerking, as his tongue lolls out.

"Oh!--mh, m-more!" Childe babbles deliriously, he's being reduced to nothing but a warm hole for you to fill whenever you feel like it. Reduced from a harbinger to a whore for you to use. He feels the breath get punched out of his lungs as his abdomen stretches and burns. His hole clenching around your dick that you have to forcefully yank him down to stuff him, "Hahh, you're tearing me o-open."

"You disgusting whore. Can you feel it?" you mock as you take one hand to spread his ass apart, you see his hole is red and puffy, pre-cum from his semi-hard cock leaking down where you're both connected. He shudders that you've fucked him so bad that his hole is gaping. It's when you reach over and clasp both of your hands around his neck and squeeze that he comes crashing down. Wheezing at the lack of oxygen that makes him see white, he feels so warm and content, mind filled with bliss, as he cums. Waves upon waves of pleasure crash into him as his cock finally softens as he relaxes and drifts off into space before slowly losing consciousness.

--- You slowly blink awake to soft kisses being placed on your neck, Childe's lazy form cuddled up to you as you stroke his hair. He's always so clingy the morning after. "Are you feeling alright? I was a bit mean wasn't I?" you ask a bit embarrassed as memories of last night flood your mind. You know you both agreed on what your limits were but you couldn't help but feel a bit worried you may have pushed him too far. Childe props himself on his elbow to smile dumbly at you, you were perfect.

"It was alright I suppose," he chuckles when you lightly punch him in the chest, "I didn't think you would try and drug me like that. You know I could get you arrested for that. " "Ha! Good luck finding someone that will fulfill your perverted fantasies. Besides you're the one that wanted to experiment with them and don't phrase it like that either," you shake your head at him before leaning up to kiss him. When you pull away you take notice of all the bruises and marks you left on him. There's a small part of you that purrs at the claim you made but you quickly shoo it away. It's too early for that. If your back is hurting you have no idea how Childe is faring. "Here, let me get you some water and let me see your head," you offer, pulling yourself up before Childe's arm wraps around you and pulls you down to lay beside him. Placing his weight on top of you so you can't squirm away, even as you swat at his back he smothers you until you give up.

"Stay with me."

"Hah...alright. Just for a bit."

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #childe smut #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #childe x reader #genshin impact childe x reader #childe headcanons #childe imagines #genshin impact childe #genshin childe x reader

[thefanficmonster]

Corpse Infested

Corpse Husband & Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of dysfunctional family, Family problems, Swearing

Genre: Humor, Comfort, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When your friend disappears for a long time, seemingly having lost interest in what fueled the most passionate fire in their life, you cannot not worry about them. Even if you wanna give them space, you will reach out, you will offer your help. You will tell them they always have you to rely on and talk to.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! Hope you come across it and if you do I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

For me, it’s never hard to find things to do. I’ve constantly got things on my mind and tasks to tend to, keeping me occupied and my mind focused at all times. I think that comes with living in a home as dysfunctional as this one. I honestly can’t recall a time when my parents got along nor can I think of a time where there was at least one second of peace while the two are both present in the house. It’s always a warzone up there. I’m saying up there because I tend to live out of the basement of their home. I know living in your parents’ basement is considered a peak loser point, or the bottom of the bottom, but you’d have to believe me when I say - I wasn’t always like this. In fact, I only recently came back to this hell-hole and boy do I regret it. I mean, it was a decision forced upon me by circumstances. Trust me, I tried every other option there was. When my dorm was to be closed down and demolished, we were given a notice to start planning our next move about a month early. You can bet I immediately started looking at places but my very tragic and miserable budget didn’t allow such a purchase. No rent was adequate for me and my near-empty wallet so my second option was moving in with my best friend who was also not in the greatest of situations but I thought I’d give that a shot too.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out. She lived in a tiny apartment with her boyfriend and his best friend at the time, so four people in one apartment was a nightmare. Still a lesser nightmare than this one but a nightmare nonetheless. Some unwanted and downright traumatizing events chased me out of that place after barely managing to pack my stuff. Therefore, finding myself on the streets again, I had no other option other than the obvious and least liked one: moving back in with my parents.

Making money during my first year of college hasn’t been easy. Working two jobs at once and also streaming video games on the side was what my time was filled with all throughout the first semester but then this damn pandemic started and now ruined everything for me. I had things going for me, I was slowly getting my life together and now it has all fallen apart yet again. The places I worked at closed down due to quarantine and I haven’t been able to steam, not only cause I’d be the victim of my parents’ comments but also cause my terrible home life would be exposed to all my fans and viewers. It’s not like I could cancel out the commotion going on right above my head, it’s a livestream and this house’s walls are cardboard thin meaning all the arguing I hear almost 24/7 will serve as background noise for my streams.

I haven’t reached out to my friends or fans to inform them of this which I feel slightly guilty about but I’m really not looking forward to having to lie to them, just as much as I’m not looking forward to having to tell them the truth so instead I’ve picked silence which is probably either worrying them or driving them insane. Either way, I’ll make my comeback soon.

Well....not very soon by the looks of it...

I have to gather the money, then I have to find a place, then comes the packing, moving out of here, moving into the new place...oh God, there’s so much to it that I don’t even wanna think about. Just that thought that I’ll be inactive for that long makes my stomach turn. Streaming’s where I’ve been channeling all my negative emotions, turning them into something positive and entertaining with the help of my friends.

Speaking of my friends, I should probably put emphasis on how amazing they are. Basically the older siblings I’ve always wished I had. I’m the baby of the group, the eighteen year old freshman in college, powering through life the best they can cause they are constantly getting tripped up by inconvenient occurrences such as this one for example. I tend to have the gang poke fun at me quite frequently - all lighthearted and with good intentions obviously - but they are also the ones to get super defensive if anyone gets the balls to talk shit about me. They’d never allow me to be the victim of any smack talk or online rumors and ‘cancel culture’ or whatever the hell people will come up with to leave others restless and wondering if they did something shady a decade ago. Well, to be fair, I didn’t even know about the concept of social media a decade ago and I’ve never been one to post much but I still have a protection squad in case anyone decides to come after me.

Little do they know the people I need protecting from are the very people that are supposed to protect me - my parents. Luckily, they don’t venture into to basement very often if at all and I have my own exit to the outside world so I don’t have to run into them unless I absolutely have to. The only time I emerge to the surface of the house - aka the ground floor - I do so to leave my share of rent money on the dining table and I usually do it when they aren’t home or when they’re asleep - that happens often with how many bottles they each knock back on the daily.

*sigh*...at least I don’t have to talk to them, right?

Anyhow, remember how I mentioned I always have things to do? Well, right now I’ve tasked myself with rifling through the large boxes containing random stuff I found in one of the basements down here to see if there’s anything I could possibly sell online. For starters, I’d like to hope there aren’t any severed body parts in here because this was one shady-ass basement before I moved in and un-creeped it a bit so I wouldn’t have to become an insomniac due to the paranoia of there being a homeless person down here with me or some paranormal entity. Regardless, old basements tend to be, apart from haunted, also filled with junk no one would find valuable despite it actually being worth something after all. That’s basically what I’m hoping to find at the moment.

As I dig through the contents of the first box, the YouTube playlist I have put on on my phone cuts off causing me to furrow my brows in confusion for a second before my ringtone pierces the silence the lack of music created.

I quickly mute the ringing and take a look at the Caller ID to see a name I never thought would pop up on my screen as an incoming call - Corpse. I, as well as many of our friends, know that he’s not the biggest fan of talking to people on the phone so this is rather surprising. Still, I pick up the call in case it’s not a mistake and an odd chance that it’s somethin urgent cause Lord knows Corpse doesn’t call people willy-nilly. 

Thank God it’s quiet up there at the moment.

“Hello?“ I try my best to cover up the confusion in my voice but I can only assume I didn’t do the best job considering Corpse replies with a slightly awkward chuckle.

“Surprised you, didn’t I?“ He asks, getting my cheeks to redden a bit, “You can’t blame a guy for calling after up and disappearing on him and on the whole internet. Where’ve you been?“

I open my mouth to respond when I hear the sound of glass breaking a shouted curse from upstairs.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Um...you know, places?“ I’m aware the answer isn’t only nonsensical but also sounds more like a question, but I can hardly focus on that right now. I’m too buys praying to an entity I don’t fully believe in for the situation above to not escalate.

“Uh, is everything ok over there? Where even are you right now?“ The teasing tone to his voice is all but gone at this point, replaced with deep concern, having obviously heard the commotion that did the exact opposite of what I prayed for - escalated.

“Y-yeah, it’s ok. It’s just another Thursday, you know.“ I attempt a small laugh but it’s blatantly miserable, “I moved back in with my parents when they announced the quarantine so that’s where I’m at now. They’re not the quietest of folks as you can tell so...“

“I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I HOPE YOU DIE“

Oh crap, here we go.

“...So I can’t really stream a lot...or at all.“ I mutter, cringing with all my might, “But it’s only temporary! I’ll get back in the saddle as soon as I find another place to stay.“ I don’t dare mention how long that’s gonna take me, it’ll be too disappointing and depressing for the both of us. “So yeah...um...thanks for showing concern but there’s really nothing to worry about. I’m ok, everything’s ok, things are just...a bit off the rails, but I’ll fix em no problem. Like I always do!“ I attempt to sound as cheerful as possible with little success due to the overwhelming anger I feel towards those people upstairs and the gut-wrenching nostalgia for the world of streaming I can no longer be a part of because of them. Actually, I put the blame first on the pandemic and second on my parents - if it wasn’t for Covid I’d probably still be in my dorm!

“Hey...um, I think I know an affordable place where you can take up residence. Only if you want to, of course.“ He sounds hesitant but I easily overlook that as excitement bursts throughout my entire being at the sound if an escape being offered to me just like that. Had I known I’d find the solution to my problem in the very people I spent time avoiding because I was afraid of their pity, sympathy and judgement.

“Oh please, it could be a rat and roach infested shoe box and I’d go running to it. How much is rent?“ I ask through a gasp of hurried laughter that’s a result of my inability to contain said excitement. Listen, I’ve been sitting here in Hellsburg for three months now and haven’t gotten a proper shuteye during that whole period, whatever Corpse is offering has to be better than this misery.

“Rent can be discussed once you move in...“ He trails off, “And it’s not rat nor roach infested but there’s a slight issue...“

“Which is?“ I’m honestly expecting the worst: in a bad neighborhood; faulty wiring with a high chance of being electrocuted; faulty piping with a high chance of flooding; people have died there; things get randomly moved around in the middle of the night etc. However, I don’t voice any of them to avoid getting laughed at for my wild imagination.

“Well, uh, it’s corpse infested.“ He says a little awkwardly, causing me to let out an inaudible sigh.

So my ‘people have died there’ guess was on point, huh?

“People have died there, huh? Well, I can turn a blind eye to that as long as I don’t find their bodies in the closet or meet their spirits at 3AM.“ I attempt to joke, now second-guessing my eagerness to accept the offer.

Corpse bursts out laughing his ass off at my statement, getting me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion and wonder what I said was so funny - it was a poor attempt at a joke, it in no way deserves that sort of reaction, barely a chuckle in my opinion.

“You’re golden, Y/N, I swear.“ He says once he forces the laughter to subside, “I meant corpse infested as in Corpse Husband infested.“ He breaks out in another fit as my brain slowly starts connecting the dots.

Oooohh he’s asking me to go live with him

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, hold up for a sec. Are you aware of what you’re offering me? I mean, we’ve never met IRL, you barely know me and....and for all you know I could be the serial killer in this situation!“ I have no idea why I’m pushing my luck, don’t ask. I just don’t want him to make a decision he’ll later regret, I guess. “Like, I could kill you in your sleep!“

“Would you?“ He asks confidently, silently stating he already knows the answer.

I roll my eyes, “Of course not! But...” He cuts me off.

“Great, the offer stands on my end. I’m not a noisy nor nosey roommate so I suggest you start packing. If you choose to live in that hell-hole over living with me, I’m sorry but I’ll be hella offended, just so you know.“

Corpse sounds like he’s about to hang up on me, a decision already made, so I hurry to stop him. “Wait! What about rent?”

“Fuck the rent, pack your bags.“ And just like that, despite my efforts, he hangs up on me.

Well...this is a chance of a lifetime that I know refusing would lead me to not only remain stuck here but also put me in the hugest loser bin. There’s also the fear of being Corpse’s burden which I’ll try my best not to be - I mean, I’m a super independent person and Lord knows that if this offer came any other time or from any other person, I would’ve declined asap, no discussion.

But streaming

But sleeping properly

But having a normal life again

Yeah those are most certainly the reasons I get up and go into the closet in search on my emptied suitcase. Time to fill it up again, I guess. This time with a smile on my face and excitement fueling each and every movement of mine.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse fanfic #corpse fluff #corpse fic #corpse fanfiction #corpse fandom #corpse x you #corpse x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse imagines #corpse imagine #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband fanficiton #corpse simp #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband fanfiction #corpse husband fluff #corpse husband fic #corpse husband imagine #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #fluff #fandom #platonic fluff #platonic relationships #requests open #request

[yandere-tech]

Comfort (Jin Bubaigawara X Reader)

Being alone with your thoughts was possibly the worst thing you could be doing right now. Sitting in the darkness of your room, cheeks stained with tears and eyes red, you tried to get rid of the overbearing sensation of...guilt, sadness, loneliness. It all seemed to swirl around in your brain like an angry swarm of wasps, ready to attack with each second you weren't distracted. Having thrown on some feel good music on low, trying to read something that would bring back that smile. When was the last time you smiled? You were sure it was over something stupid like a tiktok video or short clip about a cat. A quick, small laugh and half smile that would dissolve the moment the video was done. The more you thought about it- when was the last time you were happy...?        A shudder of a cry escapes past your lips as you try to keep quiet- knowing the walls of apartment complex were thin as paper- and it was one in the morning. You didn't need to wake up anyone- you certainly didn't need to accidentally wake your boyfriend either. As much as you'd love to cry and cling to him, he had it far worse and you knew it. Constantly battling himself- much like you did. But you knew how to silence your pain, you were his 'home' and, honestly, he was yours. Despite trying to hide these feelings behind dark humor or a half assed smile, he somehow managed to make things better. His ability to somehow deal with everything and still be the most kindest and most loyal man you had ever met.   ��     Your hand had slipped over your mouth as a hiccup and slight whimper manages to slip out. Nothing was helping this time and it felt like the world was slowly closing in on you. Your tears come back full force as the thoughts take off with you again, reminding you of how worthless you were- how lonely you were- how you weren't worth the life you were given. It bombarded you to the point you were doubled over, hand now firmly pressed to your lips to keep from crying out or sobbing, your other hand shakily gripping your hair. The feelings would be gone by morning...You'd fall asleep and you'd wake up feeling numb once again. But right now- in the late hours of the night when sleep wouldn't drag you in, when the darkness swallowed you whole- it felt never-ending.        And that's when you heard his voice, gruff from sleep and concerned. Just the way Jin said your name made the darkness reel back just enough as you quickly look toward the other side of the bed, where the blonde had shifted slightly, propping himself up on his elbows, blinking in the low light of your computer glow. Quickly closing the laptop, you wipe at your eyes and try to find a way to make your voice sound normal.        "Sorry, Jin. I didn't mean to wake you." You tell him as you slide your laptop to the side of the bedside table and slowly curl up under the blankets with him. The moment your body is under, he sinks down as well, an arm snaking around your waist to pull you closer.        "Are you alright...?" "We need our beauty sleep, babe." He says before grumbling and opening his eyes once more to look at you in the dark. A small hum escapes you as you run a hand through his hair.        "Just fine." You lie easily. However, you soon feel his hand on your cheek as he strokes his thumb in small circles.        "Then why is your cheek still wet?" "Lying to me- I'm hurt!" He shakes his head a bit, making you tense slightly.        "It's nothing, Jin, really. I just get sappy and over emotional at night." You tell him, taking his hand off your cheek.        "Mnn...You seriously suck at lying..." Jin yawns as he sits up again, pulling you up and into his lap. "Now let's try that again... Why were you crying?" The male asks, resting his chin on the top of your head, his arms wrapped around you in a comforting way.        There was a long pause as you try to think of if you should tell him or not. Unconsciously, you begin to bite and chew on your lip. You wanted to tell him, you really did. But the thought of being so vulnerable- the thought of letting him see the real you, the broken, the damaged, the pieces of you that wanted nothing more than a short drop and sudden stop. Certainly he'd understand better than anyone else! He had too! But- he had so much to deal with already- adding onto that- you didn't want to burden him- or scare him off. You were his rock after all- and if that rock started to slide- who would catch both of you?        As thoughts begin to start up again, Jin gently nuzzles his face into your neck, making you tense slightly.        "Calm down, your heart rate is astronomical." He mutters against your neck, only really making it skyrocket further. "Hah, look at that, I still have the power to distract you." His other personality chuckles, making you huff lightly and look away. "Come on, just tell me what's up... I always open up to you. I always come to you for help when I start to feel down, like I'm splitting- you're my comfort. So- let me do the same for you." Jin says, now messing with your hair. "I'll do my best to help-" "Or at least help in distracting you and making you smile!"        Giving a small sigh, you glance at the male out the corner of your eyes before looking down.        "Okay- but- please- don't hate me." You say, making the blonde pull away briefly to look down at you, confused.        "I couldn't hate you even if I wanted too." "Except when you eat my leftovers! I still haven't forgiven you for the deep fried cheesecake last week!" At this, you can't help but give a short, small laugh as you lean back into his chest.        "Well...I've struggled with really bad depression my whole life." You finally admit, closing your eyes, almost as if afraid to see his expression. "I've been able to bury it around others pretty damn good though. I can easily be around the League or Giran and you- but the moment I have to deal with myself on my own- I dig myself into a deep hole." Feeling Jin's arm move from your waist to lightly tracing your jawline with a finger, you relax a bit more. His touches really were such a nice thing. Gentle and slow. "Most days I just feel nothing. Like- like going through the day is just another task I have to complete. Other days, like tonight- I end up feeling everything at once. There's no stop to it, really." You feel tears slowly stirring up again as you continue. "People half my age have done so much more than me, I feel like, at my age, I should have done something- anything! Yet, I can't find a job, my best friend, only friend and boyfriend are all the same person, I only talk to the League- I don't have friends. And-and." You hiccup as you curl up in his lap, a hand gripping his wrist as you pull it to you in a comforting manner- much like one might a pillow to hold. "I feel like such a disappointment, a failure. Like my life isn't even worth it." Turning to have your face against his chest, you bury your face there and try to stop the flow of tears. "You have to do everything for us- I'm useless- I don't- understand why you'd want someone like me. All I am is a huge headache and mess of a person. I have nothing going for me- so why? Why keep going?" By now, you were sobbing between words and trying to stop the shaking that rocked your body like a chihuahua.        Jin was silent for a moment or two- a real concern, as he was almost never quiet. It seriously made you feel like your heart was in a vice grip- maybe you shouldn't had said anything. You start to pull away, looking up at Jin, who had tears in his own eyes as he held you tighter.        "I'm sorry- that you felt you couldn't talk to me about this." He says, pressing a few kisses to your forehead, he hugs you as if he could lose you the moment he lets go. "I know how it can be- the loneliness- the fear....I know how it feels." Jin's voice wavered, as if he was keeping himself from sobbing on you as well. "But you're my heart. I can't live without you, doll." He states, his breathing hitched slightly. "We're both pretty fucked up, huh?" A weak laugh escapes the male as he nuzzles his face into you again. "Please, if you're going to help me- let me help you too. When you feel like this, I want to be there to cry with you." "And trust me, I can cry a LOT." This earns a small laugh from you as he smiles down at you in the dark, wiping at your tears. "I'm sorry you feel like that. But I want you to know that I love you, alright?" "Like- a lot. It's unhealthy. I think I might be love sick~" He says, gently clutching his head and hissing. "Shuddup." He mutters before sighing lightly. "I'm here for you, okay? And all these thoughts you have? They're just thoughts. We can get rid of them- like fighting off heroes! They may be strong, but we can overcome them!" "Through love and friendship!" Jin gives you a bright smile. "And you'll always have me! Sorry, you already threw out the receipt , no returns." He then gives you a few little chaste kisses, earning one of those laughs you know he adored so much.        A small smile pulls onto your lips as you look up into those grey-blue eyes of his. Maybe this was a good thing for you- for both of you. Opening up to him was relieving and he seemed all too happy to hear you out. Jin had a way with words- even when he didn't mean too. It really did brighten the rather deep and unending tunnel. You knew the feelings wouldn't just vanish...But at least with Jin, there was someone to help you battle off these demons with. The way ahead would be heavily loaded with trials- but maybe just having someone there for you- at your side- would be the saving grace to keep you from diving into a permanent solution to this feeling.        "Okay, okay." You sniffle lightly before leaning up and kissing his lips lightly. "I'll try and come to you when I'm like this from now on." You assure him before he gives you a rather excited smile.        "I'm gonna be such a good supportive man." He says, pulling you back onto the bed with him, with you resting on his chest. "We're both pretty crazy, huh? Like we cancel out each other's weirdness." He teases as you get comfortable.        "Cancel out is a strong way to put it." You hum as you look up at him, his hand gently stroking your hair.        "Fine, fine- we help each other out mutually now." Jin chuckles, the rumble in his chest sending such a small signal of happiness to your brain that you finally feel a slight genuine smile. He was such a good man- How you were so lucky to have him, you didn't know.        "So- how about some depression sex~?" His other personality asks, making Jin smack a hand to his forehead. "I-Ignore that." He mutters, shaking his head. "This is seriously not the time for that." He says, lightly smacking himself a few times in the head. You grab his hand and gently pull it down, placing a kiss on his palm.        "Mnn, maybe it would help distract us though." You tease before giggling as he get's all flustered.

#jin bubaigawara #jin bubaigawara x reader #MHA #BNHA #LOV #bnha twice #lov twice

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Catra’s refusal to admit mistakes

Something that seems to baffle much of the SPOP fandom is why Catra can’t just admit her mistakes and try to do better instead of continuing to dig herself a deeper and deeper hole. To be fair, the situation is very baffling. It’s complex. There are a ton of psychological issues in play, and when they interact things can get very messy. I’m going to do my best to explain Catra’s thought processes and hang ups and hopefully not write a fucking novel in the process. (But if you do want a novel that analyzes these concepts in a lot of depth, go check out my fanfic Demons. Shameless self-promotion, whaaaaat?)

I have already gone into how Catra’s external locus of control comes into play, so I’m not going to break it down in as much detail here. To sum it up, though, Catra has an internalized belief that she can’t really control anything and isn’t responsible for her behavior since it’s not her fault she was put in a shitty situation in the first place. She doesn’t believe she had any choice but to be the villain. This is deeply rooted in her fearful and abusive upbringing where she had little to no control over what happened to her. A large part of that is how consequences didn’t match behavior, i.e. she wasn’t rewarded for being good and her punishments were overly harsh as well as inconsistent, affected by external factors.

There’s also the sunk cost fallacy to consider. That’s the idea that you have to get something out of your investments (of time, money, effort, etc.), even if the costs keep piling up. (In terms of money, think of people who gamble larger and larger sums of money out of determination to win back their initial bet.) For Catra, this fallacy has convinced her that if she changes course and gives up on her goals, then everything she suffered in the Horde and all the effort she put into moving up in the ranks would be for nothing. She thinks getting to the top and proving her worth/winning respect would be the ulitmate triumph. Of course, we see her struggle with disillusionment over this in season 4, which helps set the table for what we hope will be a redemption arc.

These are only two examples of the ways Catra’s abusive upbringing affected her ability to admit her mistakes. The effects of abuse (especially in one’s childhood) are pervasive, affecting your thought processes and perception of the world in a million little ways that are hard to undo. I’m going to dig deeper now into some of the other reasons Catra struggles with this. They include an authoritarian environment, scapegoating, toxic leadership, poor behavioral modelling, an exaggerated fear of punishment, and the resentment of injustice.

(Please note: in this meta I’m not trying to make excuses for Catra and say she should not have to accept responsibility for her mistakes because she was abused. My aim here is to explain why it’s so difficult for her to shoulder blame in hopes that people will better understand her.)

Also under the cut, I’m going to finish this meta by examining how Angella and Glimmer are foils to Shadow Weaver and Catra, how Glimmer had a better example set for her and has now set an example for Catra.

Authoritarianism, injustice, and fear

It’s important to understand that Catra was raised to believe that apologizing or changing course makes someone a weak person or, worse, a bad leader. As Adora says, displays of weakness are strongly discouraged in the Horde. And in an authoritarian, militarized environment like the Horde, admitting mistakes is seen as a sign of weakness. You will very rarely, if ever, see authority figures admit they were wrong, let alone try to make amends for it. And since rank/pecking order is so important in these environments, that behavior filters down because no one wants to be at the bottom.

Fact is, no one who was raised in the Horde is good at admitting they were wrong (except maybe Scorpia, but she’s Scorpia). Even Adora is bad at this. She takes on responsibility for everything and blames herself when things go wrong, but that self-flaggellating catastrophizing is not the same as critically evaluating one’s actions and their effects on other people. That in particular is something she struggles with.

This may be a problem in the Horde at large, but it’s even harder for Catra to admit her mistakes because she has been blamed for a lot of things unjustly, as well as bullied by her peers and abused by her superiors. Accepting blame for anything feels unfair because she has already suffered the consequences of many things she did not do. In her mind, hasn’t the world punished her enough already without humiliating her over the mistakes she has made? Her defensiveness makes sense, in this regard.

Not only do abuse survivors tend to be defensive and angry at the world for the unfair lot it gave us, we have a very hard time being vulnerable with anyone. Because what if they hurt us too? Admitting mistakes and accepting their consequences puts you in a very vulnerable position, and when you are used to being punished unnecessarily harshly and/or undeservingly, submitting yourself to someone else’s judgment is terrifying. These experiences (especially when they occur at a young age) wire people a certain way, make you constantly afraid even when there is no need.

Toxic leadership and poor behavioral modelling

Returning to the environment factor, where do you think Catra learned this behavior of shirking responsibility for her actions? Fact is, Catra never had anyone model to her how to say, “I was wrong, I’m sorry, and I will try to fix it.” Militarized environment or not, Shadow Weaver and Hordak aren’t the type of people who are willing to admit their own mistakes and failures. They come up with excuses or pass the blame off to other people, usually Catra. Whenever something goes wrong, Hordak blames it on Catra and all her “failings.” Whenever Adora disappointed, Shadow Weaver assumed it was because Catra was holding her back. Catra is their scapegoat. They do not apologize to her, acknowledge any harm they’ve done to her, or make any attempt to fix it.

This is especially true of Shadow Weaver, who raised Catra and was the main adult in her life throughout her childhood. Even when confronted with the damage she has done to Catra, she refuses to accept responsibility or acknowledge any wrongdoing. We have seen this in literally every season in which they interact. Catra is rightfully salty about her unjust treatment but Shadow Weaver brushes off her anger, making excuses or sidestepping the accusations.

In 1x10, Catra throws Shadow Weaver a bit of shade while comforting her after Hordak gives her a scathing lecture. Shadow Weaver immediately deflects with an insult before acknowledging her own behavior but not its detrimental effects or her responsibility for it.

Catra: Don’t worry about that thing with Hordak. I've got loads of experience being yelled at. Mostly by you, actually. You get used to it.

SW: I will not get used to mediocrity like you, and I certainly don’t need your pity! ...I was hard on you, I won't deny it, and I won't apologize. I just wanted to prepare you for the world. I wanted you to be strong.

In 2x06, Catra flat out confronts her about it, and she offers a justification for her behavior, still refusing to show any remorse. When Catra persists, she sidesteps it by responding to another part of her outburst.

Catra: Why did you treat me the way you did? Why was I never good enough for you? Really, I wanna know.

SW: Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me, either. I wasn’t born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?

Catra: I was a child when you took me in! What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you! You are old, and bitter, and weak!

SW: Ah, but you are like me. And just like me, you’re losing your position with Hordak, I can see that even from my cell.

In 3x04, Catra has all but lost hope, throwing shade and heavy accusations at Shadow Weaver. But she does make one last desperate plea for acknowledgment of the harm done to her, right before she’s hit by the crushing realization that she has once again been pushed aside for Adora. Here, Shadow Weaver doesn’t even react to the emotional content of Catra’s statement.

SW: Catra, there’s no need for us to be enemies. I can help you. I can offer you a way out.

Catra: So, what? You’re on the side of good now? You made me this way, and you get to be the good guy? Do you know what happened to me after you escaped? Do you even care? You couldn’t wait to get away from here, from me! ...But you came back for Adora.

SW: I came back to stop Hordak. I will make sure he’s destroyed. Don’t make me destroy you too.

Saying she came back to stop Hordak is sort of an excuse, but Shadow Weaver doesn’t say it like she’s trying to appeal to Catra, unlike the two earlier conversations. Once Catra rejects her offer (which we know is disengenuous, to boot) she doesn’t even bother pretending to care. Catra’s resisting her manipulation and is no longer someone she can use, so why bother?

Notably, this is right before Catra learns about the dangers of the portal (i.e. that she made a mistake when she resolved to open it) and tasers Entrapta for trying to stop her, then immediately doubles down on that mistake by sending her to Beast Island. She got one more example of refusing to acknowledge her mistakes or accept accountability right before she does it herself. The statement “Adora was right” definitely gets to her too, but she was already in an unhinged state after being tortured by Shadow Weaver, once again with no apologies. Just something to consider.

So, Catra came from this environment where she got blamed unfairly all the time yet never got any sign of remorse from the people who hurt her. As I alluded to above, in this kind of situation it’s really easy to slip into the mindset of “why should I apologize when no one ever apologized to me?” (Especially if you’ve been through a lot of forced apologies, which are always humiliating, but particularly so when you are being unfairly blamed.) This is not an easy cycle to break. When you have this constant sense of injustice weighing on you, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking the world owes you something as payback and therefore you shouldn’t have to try to better yourself or move past it.

This also ties into Catra’s obsession with getting a win when she is someone who seems fated to always lose, no matter what she does. It’s not just about getting back at Adora, it’s about settling her score with an unjust universe that has always given her the short end of the stick. It’s pride and indignation and pain all mixed up in one toxic soup that pollutes the minds of the abused, and it is not easy to get over. Watching Catra hopefully start to do that in the final 13 episodes is going to be incredibly cathartic.

Glimmer and Angella as foils and examples

Full disclosure, I am writing this meta partly in response to people shitting on Catra and acting like Glimmer is so much better than her after I made a gifset contrasting their reactions to realizing their mistakes. So, I want to finish by comparing all of these observations about Catra’s upbringing with Glimmer’s upbringing. Angella is by no means a perfect parent, but she loves her daughter and tries to do what’s best for her. Most relevant to this discussion, she’s willing to admit her mistakes or change her mind when presented with new information.

For instance, Angella flips at Glimmer over the invasion by the Horde soldier in 1x03, but once she learns said soldier is She-Ra she listens and puts faith in Glimmer’s judgment, despite her misgivings. In 1x10 (in a great parallel scene to the Catra/SW one mentioned above), Angella surprises Glimmer by caring more about her well-being than her mistakes, and she admits some of her own: she ordered the battle that got Micah ‘killed’, and she gave up on the first alliance. She literally says, “I am the one who failed.” And in 3x06, she sacrifices herself in an attempt to make up for all the times she failed to act and protect people she loves.

Angella has enough humility to admit her own flaws and consider other viewpoints, and she’s not afraid to change her mind or say she’s sorry. That set a much better example for Glimmer growing up than Shadow Weaver did for Catra and Adora. And now, Glimmer has set an example for Catra. When Catra is at her lowest in 4x13, drowning in her mistakes and self-hatred and wanting to die, Glimmer shows her that she too can change course and try to correct her mistakes.

Like, did you all see the look on Catra’s face when Glimmer says she can’t use the weapon and needs to try and stop it? When Glimmer gets up Catra follows her, because this is such a compelling sight to her, something she’s never seen before. It was almost like she was thinking, “Wait, you can do that? You don’t have to double down on your mistakes?”

This is something Catra has to see, not only for its novelty but because it could give her guidance, and hope. If Glimmer can change course and atone, maybe she can too.

#spop #she ra #catra #child abuse #meta #she-ra #catra and shadow weaver #catra and hordak #locus of control #sunk cost fallacy

[ubernoxa]

The Token: A GNR FanFic

Chapter 5: Burnt Pastries and Coffee

Masterlist

Story Summary: Story inspired by the movie She’s the Man. A female Duff is tired of dealing with the bullshit of trying to make it on the strip as a female bassist. Did Michelle think it through as she chopped her hair? Nope. All she knew was that she wanted to make it on the strip. If she had to mascarade as a guy, so it shall be.

Chapter Summary: Izzy and Axl stop by Michelle’s work.

Tags: Taglist: @viralwolf02 @littlemisscare-all @smokeandmirrorz @aratbaby @slashscowboyboots

I have absolutely no desire to be at work this morning. My head hurt, my hand hurt, my arms hurt, hell EVERYTHING hurt. I popped my third aspirin of the morning into my mouth after dealing with an annoying customer who was complaining about how we were out of cherry danishes. It took every ounce of my will power to calmly tell her why we were sold out. Not only were the cherry danishes a very popular item, but we also stop making them at 10. Eventually she calmed down and made some comment how I should have gotten a better education to get a real job, but I digress. All I want to get across is that I should win some sort of acting award for smiling and not shoving a cherry pastry up her you know what.

“You know you’re only supposed to take one of those every 6 hours right?” I glared down my coworker wishing he would just leave me alone.

On top of the pain, my head was sweating because of the stupid wig. I felt like I had just gotten out of the shower and had yet to dry my hair. I wanted nothing more than my shift to finish, so I could take a shower.

I was grateful this morning when my coworker noticed my...hungover state and offered to run the register while I made the drinks. It was unconventional, but I defiantly appreciated it. I always looked forward to working with Derek during my shift. He was a nice guy, super easy to get along with. ..unless he was bugging you about the serving size for pain killers.

Any normal musician would smile and feel a sense of relief if a couple of her band mates came into the coffee shop, but I’m not what they call a normal musician. I felt my stomach tighten as the came in.

“Wow they just let anybody in here now,” an older woman said as I handed her the coffee she ordered.

“Well...we are open to the public, ma’am,” I replied before I returned to making the next order. I heard my coworker hide a snicker.

I watched the Indiana boys as they slowly made their way over to the pick up counter. Why were they here?

“Hey,” I ignored Axl at first. I didn’t want to give Derek the idea that I was friends with them because not too long ago I would constantly complain about them. ObViously my opinion of them has changed over the past days. I could feel Derek’s eyes wander towards me as I blended the smoothie I was making. When I heard Izzy raise his voice this time, I turned the blender on and blended the smoothie one last time.

I poured the smoothie out of the blender, turning around sending them a warm smile as if it was the first time I heard or saw them.

“Order for Tracy!” I cheered as I handed a girl no older than me her pink smoothie pulling her from the flirty eyes she was sending Axl and Izzy.

“Hey,” I stood at the counter smiling at the pair who were definitely out of their element.

“You guys look horribly out of place, you looking for Duff?” I asked trying to remember that Michelle didn’t like the Indiana boys.

“Nah, you guys dating or some shit?,” I let a laugh escape me as Axl finished talking.

I stood still and shook my head. “You think I’m his groupie?” Izzy sent me a look that meant one thing, careful. Did they really come down just to ask me that.

“Funny, Slash said the same thing last night,” I heard Axl say out loud. Why? I have no idea.

“Why you curious about Duff’s love life?” I tried to causally ask, but it definitely came out awkward.

“I’m more curious about the girl who gave us the free coffee.”

“Axl, don’t forget that’s the same girl who has definitely thrown a punch or two your way in the past,” I snapped back. It needed to sound hard. Duff..was was their band mate, friend even, but Michelle...she was the girl who had been in several fights with the pair.

“And yet..I don’t recall you every landing a punch,” I rolled my eyes as Axl spoke. I was in no mood for this.

“Did you guys come here to pick up chicks or something else. If you were coming for the girls, you definitely got their attention,” I asked as I tilted my head in the direction of the girls who hadn’t stopped looking at the pair.

“Didn’t notice,” Izzy cooly replied.

“Well, if you’re here to pick up a girl. You wouldn’t need to look far,” I gestured towards another table that had a few girls who were trying to discretely check out the pair, key word trying. The coffee shop was in a nicer part of town, and these rich girls had a thing for rockers. Something about the whole bad boys vide...at least that’s what I’ve been told.

“Come on Michie, we both know I don’t need to look for girls. Girls look for me,” he gently played with my fingers as he spoke. A small laugh escaped my lips.

I sent Izzy a ‘what the actual fuck’ look before he stepped forward.

“Thanks for the coffee, yesterday. It was the pick me up we all needed,” I thanked God that Izzy had decided to interrupt whatever conversation we were talking about.

“You should come to our next show. We’d love to have you there! Especially Duff, he seems to get a little red whenever we mention you,” Axl added.

So that was their reason for coming here? They wanted to invite me to their next gig? That was kind that they would do that for their band mate, but too bad that was never going to fucking happen.

“Sorry but I work nights,” I shrugged.

“You’re a coffee shop, who the hell buys coffee at night?” I stared Axl down as I felt like an idiot. How the hell did I not think the lie this far through.

“Yeah, we.....make the dough...and pastry stuff the night before! If you want the next time I work late I can give Duff a couple pastries for one of your practices,” I said praying he would buy into my answer. The offer of free food hopefully distracting him. Smooth, very smooth Michelle. I was mentally kicking myself.

“I’ll never turn down free food,” Axl flashed the first genuine smile he has ever sent in my direction when I was Michelle.

“You used to perform nights all the time, what happened,” I wanted to slap Izzy senseless when he opened his mouth and asked that question. He knew it was all a lie, so why was he pressing further. Did he enjoy watching me squirm?

“I got a recent promotion,” I cockily replied. It was such a blatant lie. I burnt half the pastries I made the other day. I was distracted by trying to figure out a line or two for a new Guns N’ Roses song. No way a promotion was in sight for me especially since I caused the pastry today’s shortage.

“Didn’t know you watched me perform...” I hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but the words came out of my mouth anyway.

“There probably isn’t a guy on the strip who hasn’t seen Pixie perform. Plus from what I’ve heard about you..,” Axl’s tone pissed me off as he spoke. How was he so infuriating?

“You guys weren’t bad,” Izzy interrupted Axl from digging his hole. Obviously it was an attempt to move on from Axl’s stupid comment.

“Thanks, I’ll take not bad,” I offered a half baked smile as I spoke.

“What did you make me again, yesterday? You know the coffee you gave Duff? It was good,” Axl leaned forward as he spoke.

“Cinnamon coffee, but if you’re looking to try something new I recommend the vanilla berry coffee. It’s not on the menu, but it’s a house special,” I shot Izzy a quick glance and I could tell he was hiding a smirk. He knew this wasn’t just any ordinary coffee, it was karma coffee. (As I like to call it)

“Sounds good! Can I have that?”

“Michelle, I pay you to make coffee and other drinks. If you want to keep your job I recommend you do your job,” I turned to my uncle and flashed him a quick smile and nod. It was clear my uncle knew this wasn’t a conversation about work.

“Axl, I know this whole coffee shop thing is probably new to you, but you gotta order at the register,” I teased before returning to work.

“You okay?” I turned to Derek who seems somewhat concerned.

“Besides this headache I’m good...why?” I quickly rebutted. What the hell was he trying to get at?

“I don’t know much about the Strip, but for the past months I have heard you bitch about Axl and Izzy. Why are you being so nice to them all of a sudden?”

“I’m not they’re just...associates that’s all,” Derek made no attempt to hide his eye roll as I spoke.

“They’re gonna order some weird shit, just written it down and I’ll make it. Also just charge their orders to me. You know I’ll pay it. I’m good for the money,” I said as I walked past Derek to get more cups.

“Yup just associates.” Derek mumbled under his breath.

——————-

“It should be Take me down to the paradise city where the girls are fat and got big tities,” the room bust into laughter as I shook my head at him. We had been working on a song back at the ‘hell house’ as Axl called it for the past couple of hours. I would be lying if I said any of us were sober.

“No,” was all I could muster. My speech was beyond stuttered and slurred as I spoke. It was slowly becoming harder and harder to keep my voice deep.

“Why not? I love me some big girls and titties,” Slash threw his hands up in defense.

“I like grass is green waaay better,” I said before I finished my fifth or sixth beer. No wait seventh.

“Duffles,”

“Slaaaaaaash,”

He then continued to sing take me down to the paradise city where the girls are fat and got big tities. I was about to give in, but Steven immediately jumped in.

“I agree with Duff on this one,” Steven said before taking another sip of his drink.

“Thank fuckin god,” I mumbled the words under my breath, but somehow Axl must have heard me.

“Thank god you joined the band,” Axl sent a smile his way.

I felt a little pride flow through my veins as Steven and Axl agreed with me. This was new, the feeling of comrodery. In the past if I said something in one of my previous bands I was immediately shot down or completely ignored. I could get used to this.

I could feel a smile plaster on my face as I leaned back into the couch. We continued to fiddle around with different cords and lyrics for the next hour not really accomplishing much. The song was pretty good, if I may say so in my non sober state, but it wasn’t ready yet. There was something missing and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I almost jumped as I felt Izzy twirling my hair around his finger. I quickly snapped my head in his direction as he spoke to Axl. Was Izzy just doing this because he was drunk and knew I was a chick? I quickly looked around the room making sure not to draw attention to myself, and noticed that Izzy was either being incredibly discrete or everyone else was plastered. Maybe it was both?

“Looks like he’s out for the night,” Slash pointed towards Steven who earlier was passed out on the floor.

“Yeah,” he passed out like 20 minutes ago.

“Hey Slash,” I perked up as a couple girls came stumbling into the apartment. I couldn’t help but smile at Slash’s drunk girlfriend. She was sweet. If I met her as Michelle, I believe we would have been good friends. She came stumbling into the apartment with a couple of her friends, something that wasn’t incredibly uncommon. I watched as Axl quickly joined Slash heading to one of the shared closets that were setup as bedrooms. The last time Slash’s girlfriend stopped by with friends, they had made advances on me which Izzy immediately interrupted. I brought him a coffee the next day as a thank you.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” I perked my head up as he spoke.

“I’m a long ways away,” I let a giggle escape me as relaxed. Besides Steven who was clearly passed out, Izzy and I were the only two in the room.

“Stay the night then,” I giggled at his response before I finished my drink.

#the token #gnr fanfic #gnr imagine #gnr fanfiction #guns n’ roses fanfic #guns n’ roses imagine #guns n’ roses fanfiction #guns n roses fanfiction #guns n roses imagine #duff mckagan imagine #duff mckagan fanfic #duff mckagan fanfiction #slash imagine #slash fanfic #slash fanfiction #steven adler fanfiction #steven adler fanfic #steven adler imagine #axl rose fanfiction #axl rose imagine #axl rose fanfic #izzy stradlin fanfic #izzy stadlin fanfiction #izzy stradlin imagine

[shypansexualcrystal]

Could I request some bayverse autobots visiting s/o at work as a surprise to take them out on a little mid-day date?

Bayverse Optimus and Bumblebee Visiting their S/O at work

Optimus Prime:Working at a popular bar was relatively easy for the most part if you don’t count the drunkards and men and women that grope you that is. I’ve been working in the bar since I was young since it was a family-run bar that was to be expected. However, when I first started when I was 14 to get some pocket money I was behind the till mostly or helping out in the kitchen. As I grew so did my role in the bar, now here I am working either behind the bar making drinks or serving people their drinks and meals. Today was especially busy due to the bars anniversary, all the regulars came in to celebrate — which was most of the locals — while some tourists and people who just so happened to read the sign that advertised how we had nearly half-price on most drinks visited now and again. To describe it as hectic would be an understatement.All-day I was either rushing about serving people, behind the bar or helping out in the kitchen, everyone was all over the place. I had skipped all my breaks to help keep on top of everything, by the end of my shift was exhausted and I wanted nothing more than to collapse and sleep for hours. Since I stayed behind until closing time as I finally bid the rest of the remaining workers a farewell and walked out into the fresh air the sky was pitch black. Sighing while looking at the sky, a cloud of condensation escaping my lungs as I did so, I wrapped my coat around me tighter and began the walk home in the dark and cold winter night.I was only a few steps away from my workplace when a loud horn sounded behind me, jumping I spun on my heel to glare at whoever it was that honked at me, as I did so I recognised the person as non-other than my Significant other, Optimus Prime. Instantly my glare changed to a bright smile He pulled up next to me and opened his cab door to allow me to climb in. “Hey Optimus, you scared me.” I giggled a little as he shut his door and began to drive down the streets.“Sorry, my bad. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He apologised I settled into the seat and was almost lulled into a peaceful sleep, Optimus drove around town while we had a nice conversation. I snuggled more into his seat while yawning. “Do you want me to drive you back home? I can see how tired you are by your one-word answers.” His voice was soft and soothing.I sat up and tried to look more alert, “No it’s fine, I’m awake.” I spoke with enthusiasm in my tone however the little yawn that followed betrayed me. I smiled straight after, however. Optimus didn’t reply, rather instead he decided to sigh.Finally, after a little more driving he came to a halt, too busy trying to stay awake I didn’t bother taking in my surroundings, I soon realized that I had shut my eyes sometime during the ride which prompted me to snap them open. Taking in the scenery I found that we had arrived at the top of a hill overlooking to the small town I lived in, the stars lit up the sky while the moon coated everything in a pale soft light.I smiled knowing he had taken us out to our little hideaway. We spent quite a while there just ranting about work and letting all our worries out. We took turns to listen to each other ranting before we finally had to end our sacred alone time due to Optimus being called back to base we both sighed and smiled at one another before heading back to base.It was nice to relax with him for that little while before going to sleep and then make my way to work once more in the afternoon the next day.BumblebeeIt’s been that was just a normal day at work, rushing about trying to make sure everything is organised and in the right place, working on my work while also trying to organise other peoples work that was sent to be to clean up and finalise the work being sent. I worked at a studio that specialized in 2D and 3D animation. I was the head of Storyboarding for a few shows the studio works on due to directors knowing me personally and liking my work. While it was hectic and I was either trying to find panels that had been lost or had been mixed up, which happen often and needed to be put back into order before being sent off to be animated. However, I adored this job and loved the work and it paid well which was a massive plus. I sighed after finishing the work I needed to complete for today. I packed up my things and headed towards the staffroom to gather the empty food containers that I used to bring in treats like homemade cookies and muffins I got from the leftovers from the party my family had last night. I baked the cookies and maybe made a little too many so I brought the leftovers for my coworkers to enjoy.Gathering my containers, I noticed I had two left, Smiling I went to my director’s office and offered him them, he took one while thanking me for thinking of him and I left his office with a smile on my face after having a little chat with him over both work and personal issues. Waiting for me outside was certain yellow Camaro I was all too familiar with. My cousin Sam got out and greeted me with a hug. “(Y/n)! Long time no see!” He cheered while grabbing my shoulders to pull me into a hug.I shrugged him off, we’ve been super close since we were toddlers and constantly teased each other, yet were both protective over each other because of our close bond, like a sibling kinda love, “you saw me just a few hours ago, how could you have missed me so much already?” I teased while sliding into the Camaro while Sam did the same, “Hey, Bee hows it going?” Bee responded through the radio in a flirty way, I rolled my eyes, typical Bumblebee.“Hey, Bee what have I told you about flirting with my cousin?” I just barely concealed a giggle.“Why, do you feel left out?” I pouted at him in mock sadness while bee sped off down the street.“No! I just feel uncomfortable hearing you two being all lovie dovie with each other after finding out what you two have been doing together, especially while you were in my garage the other night.” Sam pulled a face. Confused I tried to think of what we’d done that Sam knew about. “I wanted to talk to Bumblebee one night and heard you two together instead.”Suddenly realisation dawned on me, “Oh, OH! Ew Sam! What did you think we were doing?” I hit Sam a few times, Bee seemed to chuckle but did nothing besides that. Sam tried to stammer out his excuses but was just digging himself deeper in the hole he created himself. “Bee and I were having a movie night when he thought it’d be a good idea to start a tickle fight! Seriously, Sam?” I pulled a face and looked away from him and out the window.“Hey! Does taking our relationship further really disgust you that much?” Bee whined through his radio, I gave him a pointed look begging him that we not have this conversation while my cousin was in the car with us.“Not now, Bee.” I simply replied with a smirk lingering on my lips, meanwhile Sam just got more weirded out from our conversation, “Sam just drop it.”“You’re going to sleep with my car! I can’t just drop it - not like I’m saying you can’t sleep with him-it’s just-OK I need to stop thinking about this so much-how would it even work anyway-you know what? I don’t want to know-wait Bee you can ha-”“Okay! That’s enough! Conversation over!"My face felt like it was on fire, "Way to make things awkward Sam.” I giggled a little. The rest of the car ride was filled with the normal conversations we had after a few seconds of awkward silence.Finally, after dropping Sam off at his house, Bee took us to my garage which was big enough for him to transform and not have to hunch over as to not hit his head. I flopped onto the couch that was down there and sighed since this place was where I do any personal work while working at home it became a place where Bee and I hung out often due to the nice and easy atmosphere.“So.” Bee tried to start a conversation, I raised an eyebrow while looking over at him, I hummed to let him know that he had my attention, I rested my arm over my eyes while Bee continued to look at me and sitting on the floor beside me. “Do you want to take our relationship further?” He asked through his radio, doing his best to sound gentle.My heart leapt out my chest at the question, I removed my arm from my face and propped myself up on my elbows, the emotion in his eyes told me everything. He was curious but also tried his best to remain eye contact. “Bee,” I whispered his name tenderly.At my lack of reply, he deflated and looked away from me “nevermind” I sat up fully and called his name to get his attention again.“Hey, I never said no. It’s just, I’ve never gone that far with anyone before.” My voice got less confident and more secretive. “I trust you more than anyone I’ve ever been with before so if I were to go that far with anyone I would love for it to be with you.” I shyly caught his eye and give a timid smile.“I didn’t know. Sorry.” Bee apologised, I told him it was fine while climbing to be level with his face. Catching his optics once more I gave a warm and sincere smile before kissing his cheek tenderly. Bee let out a happy and soft whir while leaning into my touch. “I love you,” Bee whispered with his own very quiet and rough voice that he saved for tender moments like these since it was a struggle for him.“I love you more.”“I don’t think that’s possible.” Bee carefully moved me so I was cuddled into him while we got comfortable.

#bayverse #bumblebee x reader #optimus prime x reader #x reader #transformers x reader #human reader #asks #anonymous #bumblebee #optimus prime

[mellomedia]

Youth Culture

For Media & Society’s first blog post, our class watched Euphoria, Mid90s, Mean Girls, Kids, and The Breakfast Club. If you haven’t figured out the theme yet, it’s youth culture. Most of these films were set in the 80s and 90s before this current generation. This is the first generation where our lives are saturated by mobile technology and social media (Divecha, 2017). But no matter what generation, youth culture has many common behaviors, or misbehaviors.

Often when I watch a film or read a comic book, I wonder if I relate to the story or anyone in it. I looked for anything in common I might have with one of the characters in the five films we watched. I can identify with Ray from Mid90s the most. I’m not a die-hard skateboarder like Ray. In fact I can’t skateboard at all, but I dedicate all my time and energy into art and animation. While we have different interests, I can relate to Ray’s passion for something he enjoys and the energy he puts into it. Ray is the top skateboarder in his group and practiced every day. All my spare time is spent drawing and taking online animation courses. My goal is to always do better than what I did yesterday. Words to describe Ray would be the same way I describe myself: down to earth, not concerned with fitting in, my own person, caring, always willing to help, and a very loyal friend. When Stevie joins the skateboard crew in the film Mid90s, he finally digs up some money to buy Ruben’s old, used skateboard. Stevie gets injured while attempting an insane jump over a hole in a roof and breaks his skateboard. Ray sees how much Stevie is trying to fit in, no matter how many falls he takes, he gets back up. Ray has a big heart and builds Stevie a new skateboard. As I mentioned, I’m not a skateboarder, but I enjoy trying to make people smile with my art. I enjoy drawing a cartoon of a friend to help them to get out of a funk or just listen to whatever it is they are going through. 

These films all share a few common themes. One theme is belonging. I admit I looked up the term “fitting in” and it was compared to belonging. Fitting in is defined as to be like other people in a group – what they wear, how they act, how they look. (Pace, 2018) Belonging is a basic human need – it is about acceptance – being where you want to be and being where you are wanted (Pace, 2018). A few examples are Stevie (Mid90s) wants to be accepted into the skateboard crew; Brian (The Breakfast Club) brings a flare gun to school as a suicide attempt because he didn't feel he was good enough; and Cady (Mean Girls) is the new girl trying to get accepted by The Plastics.

My freshman year in high school definitely falls into the theme of belonging. I struggled with speech and have a learning disorder. And at the time I had zero confidence in socializing. I’d walk over to a group of kids in the cafeteria just to try to get involved in the conversation, but I couldn’t form sentences quick enough to jump in. I would be the weird kid just standing there. One day my speech therapist asked me what I wanted to improve and I told her I wanted to gain confidence in socializing. She told me the best way to do this would be to just try to talk to more people. Well in high school that worked with some kids, but not all. I’ll never forget one day in the cafeteria I was trying to find a place to sit and eat lunch. I saw an empty chair at a table where a ‘friend’ was sitting. The group was taking turns roasting one another. At one point another kid challenged me. I was doing fine until he said, “You know people are only nice to you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings.” That hurt like hell. He was referring to my speech impairment. I got up from the table and walked away. And that ‘friend’ at the table didn’t defend me at all. One girl came running over to make sure I was alright. I was pissed and hurt. I was not alright. Just so you don’t think I went off the deep end and had a miserable high school experience, I actually gained a great friend in high school that day. Alex, who was a senior, saw me leave track practice early. My head just wasn’t into track, so I went to sit in the empty cafeteria hoping to clear my head. He asked how things were going and I told him what happened that day. He told me, “It’s not easy finding out who your real friends are. But don’t change for anyone and don’t try to be like anyone else. Just be you.” I’ll never forget how he took the time to talk to me. After his advice, I could care less about belonging.

Another common theme between all five films is rebellion. When they aren’t skateboarding, most of the characters in Mid90s spend their time partying, drinking, and doing drugs. In The Breakfast Club, each character is in detention because they rebelled in some way. Why else would they be in detention? Every character in Kids was a rebel, actually more like a criminal. I bet the writer of the film was too.

A third theme is “bro” culture. “Bro” culture is defined as people who are bullies but at the end of the day they have your back, like a brother (Sloothunter42, 2018). Two great examples of “bros” are John (The Breakfast Club) and Ian (Mid90s). Throughout The Breakfast Club, John constantly insults the other kids in detention. He even insults the principal. The group escapes detention to wander the hallways. When the principal sees them, John saves the group by telling them to go back to the library while he distracts the principal. This link shows you the scene I’m explaining: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Iq7MRlHg5I (Hughes, 1985). Not something you would have expected from a bully, but you would from a “bro.” In Mid90s, Stevie’s brother, Ian, beats the crap out of him every chance he gets. But when Stevie is laying in a hospital bed after a car accident, his brother is there by his side. He even shares his precious orange juice.

Now onto one of my favorite things in life, music! I put together a playlist that relates to my adolescent experience. In no particular order, here are 10 songs and what each means to me. But let me point out that some song lyrics mean something to me, while with other songs it was the energy it gives off. I’m all about positive energy. First song is “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra. I first heard this song during the movie Guardians of the Galaxy. This song kept me motivated and positive during high school. If I was having a bad day, this was my ‘go to’ song. I also listened to it every day on my way to school. Next is “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley, a.k.a. CeeLo Green. This song reminds me of my mind, imagination, and the stuff I think about. I always have a trillion things going on in my head. I guess that explains my poor focus skills and super procrastination. “Inner Ninja” by Classified is another upbeat song. A few lines that always stuck in my head are, “I find my inner strength and I re-up; Here we go, I know I've never been the smartest or wisest; But I realize what it takes; Never dwell in the dark cause the sun always rises.” My junior year of high school I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It has and still is life-changing and as much as I don’t let it change who I am, I’m human. But as the song says, don’t dwell on the negative, look for the positive. I always remind myself of the positive. “Through the Fire and Flames” by DragonForce always fueled my brain when I was tired of doing homework or studying. To me the lyrics mean to keep moving forward no matter how difficult. Just look at what your goal is and don’t give up. Plus this song has one hell of a guitar solo that is very motivating. Michael Jackson is one of my favorite artists and “Man in the Mirror” reminds me how important it is to try to do good in the world and make a positive change. Regardless of culture, color, religion, and disability, we are all capable of making good changes in the world. I tried this on a much smaller scale in high school by volunteering at the food pantry and community events. “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz is one of many songs by this group that I like. It’s not so much the words I relate to, but I love the animation in their music videos. I remember the first time I saw one of their videos I thought how cool and mysterious it was that we only see the singers as cartoons. We are never shown who they really are. I like the fact that it’s different. Different is good in my world. “Intergalactic” by Beastie Boys reminds me of breakdancing and dancing in general. I love to dance and looked forward to every prom and homecoming dance at high school. “Without Me” by Eminem reminds me that no matter how much people criticize you, you can be very successful at what you enjoy doing. The last song on my list is “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand. To be honest, I just like the beat of the song and it’s one of those songs I listened to over and over in high school.

So that wraps up my Youth Culture blog. I hope it gave you a better understanding of how I relate to the assigned films. But let me make one thing clear, I do not relate to anything in the film Kids. Not one thing.

Below is my self portrait of what goes through my mind. 

Artwork by: Marcello Laudato

[ft-dads-au]

Turn the Tide

Gratsu Summer Solstice 2020 - Prompt: Fun in the Sun Gratsu Week 2020 - Prompt: “What’s with all the noise? I’m sleepy” Pairing: Gray x Natsu

A Collaboration by @mdelpin​ and @oryu404​

AO3 | FF.Net

Summary:  Natsu has hated his birthday for years. It served only as a a painful reminder of the day his father abandoned him and Erza. All he wants is to get through the day with the least amount of fuss possible, but Gray has other plans. 0-0

July 7th, 2021

What’s with all the damn noise? I’m still sleepy…

Natsu groaned as the annoying beeping noise that had woken him up refused to stop, and he soon realized it was coming from his phone. He glared at the device, but as expected, it did nothing, the beeps continued as text after text came in.

What the hell is going on?

He stretched his arm and grabbed his phone from his nightstand, fighting the urge to throw it across the room...

Happy Birthday, Bro! 🎈🎉✨🎁 Where the party at? 👀🧁🎂 Gotta do rounds, but I’ll call you later!

Happy Birthday, Natsu!

cat_birthday.gif

Another year older, Firefly! I’ll stop by Sorciere and buy you a drink tonight...

Happy Birthday, dude! Get Gray to blow your 🕯️!!! 😂😏

Natsu scrolled through the texts that kept coming in from his friends and family, rolling his eyes at the last one, not even having to look at the sender info to know it was Loke’s contribution.

As nice as it was to receive well wishes, rather than cheer him up, all they accomplished was to envelop him in a cloud of gloom that was very familiar. Still, he replied to all the messages and got up to start his day.

At least it was a Wednesday, which meant that Gray would soon arrive with Aki for one of their study sessions. It was the first time in a while that he was impatient for Gray to visit, not because he wanted to see him, but because of the distraction that studying for the GED would provide.

What he really wanted was to get out of the house. To escape the memories that refused to let go.

The previous year he’d been too numb from everything else that had happened in his life for it to sink in that he was back in his childhood home, sleeping in the very room his father used to call his. The last place he’d seen him before he’d disappeared from his life, leaving him and Erza behind without any warning or explanation. For so long, he’d held on to the belief that his father was coming back, but no matter how many nights he’d waited for him, he never did. And so his birthday became a day Natsu resented, a painful reminder of his abandonment.

The doorbell rang, startling Natsu out of his gloomy thoughts. Atlas raced towards the door at the noise, chanting the name Aki over and over in joyful anticipation.

Natsu ran down the stairs to head him off, knowing from experience Atlas would open the door regardless of who might be on the other side. It was much too early for Gray to arrive for their study session, and given that it was his birthday, the idea of an unexpected visitor set him on edge.

He got to the door just as Atlas opened it and was surprised to see his boyfriend was indeed standing on the other side of the door.

“Hey,” he greeted, feeling slightly puzzled but no less pleased, “Are we starting early today?”

“Nope,” Gray smirked, “You’ve been working pretty hard for the past few weeks. Today you get the day off. We’re going to the beach!”

“Beach!” Aki repeated, and now that Natsu looked at him, he noticed he was dressed in a swimsuit and holding a colorful bucket and shovel like the ones sold at the grocery store.

“Beach?” Natsu parroted in disbelief, “With three kids? Are you insane?”

“Four, you forgot to count yourself,” Gray teased, entering the house and closing the door behind him. He pulled Natsu to him for a quick kiss, “Hey.”

“I don’t know, I’d have to pack stuff for the kids and get them ready,” Natsu hedged, not feeling up to such an involved outing.

“Nice try, Sunshine,” Gray turned him around and nudged him towards the stairs. “All you have to do is get yourself ready; Erza already took care of the rest.” Gray walked over to the small closet that sat at the foot of the stairs and opened it to show that indeed there were two bags packed along with Atlas’ car seat.

“We’re going to the beach?!” Hana squealed behind them, and at that point, Natsu realized he’d already lost. Hana had always loved the beach even though her skin was so fair she had to be slathered in sunblock constantly, but she hadn’t voiced any interest in it since her mother had died. Knowing that, he didn’t want to disappoint her.

“Looks like it,” he replied with as much enthusiasm as he could muster at the idea. It might even be a good thing. If he were chasing after the kids, he wouldn't have time to think about anything else.

“That’s the spirit,” Gray remarked, his words dripping with sarcasm, “Go get ready, and I’ll start putting stuff in the car.”

Now that the decision had been made, Natsu went along with it. He’d wanted to get out of the house, after all. Changing into swim trunks and a t-shirt, he quickly tossed a change of clothes and a towel into a bag. He searched around for his sunglasses and sunblock, and when he heard Gray yelling for him, he hurried down the stairs to find everything had already been packed up, including the kids.

“Why today?” he asked, gazing at his boyfriend with suspicion.

“Because it’s going to get super hot, and you’re too cheap to install an air conditioner.” Gray retorted, “Since nothing’s getting into your little brain today, we might as well have fun. Now come on.”

He grabbed the bag from Natsu’s hand and led him to his car, making no mention of Natsu’s mood. Natsu relaxed, he’d never told Gray when his birthday was, and he hadn’t gotten a text from Lyon, so it was possible he didn’t know. The people in his life always wanted to make a big deal about his birthday, but all Natsu wanted was to forget it, let it pass quickly and quietly. And who knew? A day of fun in the sun might just do the trick.

0-0

“Beach!” Hana ran off towards the sand the moment they stepped outside the air-conditioned train station and into the summer heat.

“Hana, wait!” Natsu ran after her, terrified of losing her in the crowd of people. He glanced back to see Gray trying to handle the boys and the remaining bags, and he flashed him an apologetic smile.

Gray hadn’t been exaggerating. It was a hot day. Thankfully the beach wasn’t too packed yet, and once he’d gotten Hana to stop, he rented a large umbrella for them to sit under, knowing the heat was going to be too much for the younger kids and for Gray, who was as fair as Hana.

He was already applying sunblock on Hana when Gray finally arrived with Atlas and Aki, dumping all their bags on the sand. “A little help would have been nice,” he grumbled.

Natsu glanced up to see his boyfriend was already flushed. “Go sit,” he ordered, pointing towards the shade the umbrella provided and handing him a bottle of water from one of the bags Erza had packed. He managed to get all three kids ready and sent them off to play in the area in front of them.

Natsu grabbed a new bottle of sunblock and knelt behind his boyfriend, who had already taken off his shirt, “Are you feeling better?” he asked as he spurted some of the contents of the bottle into his hand and began to apply it on Gray’s shoulders.

“Mhmm,” Gray groaned in appreciation, “That feels nice. Thanks for getting the umbrella, that was a good idea.”

“Well then, it seems my little brain is good for something after all,” Natsu retorted.

“Your hands aren’t bad either,” Gray observed, leaning forward so that Natsu could apply sunblock on his back. “Hana really likes the beach, huh?”

“Yeah, back when we lived in Edolas, Lis used to take her to the beach all the time,” he explained, watching as Hana examined some seashells she’d found. “It’s nice to see her excited about it again.”

“What on Earth is Atlas doing?”

Natsu turned his attention to his son and had to laugh, “He’s digging a hole, obviously.” One that only seemed to get bigger by the minute now that Aki had caught on to what his friend was doing and had begun to help.

“Shouldn’t we stop them?” Gray asked worriedly.

“Why? They’re not hurting anything,” Natsu shrugged, “or are you worried they’ll end up upside down on the other side of the world?”

“Smart and funny, how lucky am I?” Gray answered drily.

“I used to like to do that too,” Natsu muttered, ignoring the barb as he remembered beach trips with his own family.

He used to dig holes deep enough that he could hide in them and startle his mom as she walked by. Sometimes Igneel would even help him, laughing just as hard as Natsu when his wife squealed in fright as Natsu grabbed her leg. He hadn’t thought about that in years. A lump lodged in his throat at the thought of his mom, and he couldn’t help but reflect on how much Erza resembled her these days.

“Here, let me put some on you,” Natsu felt Gray’s hands on his back as he rubbed the cooling lotion on his warm skin, interrupting his train of thought. He closed his eyes briefly, enjoying the glorious sensation of those fingers kneading his muscles.

It was much better to focus on what he had. There was no reclaiming what he’d already lost.

“You know,” Gray declared as he continued to cover Natsu in sunblock, “there wasn’t an amusement park the last time I came here, it’s too bad the kids are too little. That could’ve been fun.”

“Well, maybe we can come back another time,” Natsu suggested, shading his eyes with his hand as he tried to locate Hana amidst the growing crowd.

“You mean like on a date?”

“Why not? I bet Sting and Rogue would love to come too.” He found his daughter talking to another little girl, not too far from where they were sitting and relaxed.

“Maybe,” Gray wrapped his arms around Natsu’s waist and pulled him closer to his chest, “I don’t get you to myself often enough, though.”

Natsu rested his hands on Gray’s and smiled, “You, my love, get most of my spare time. You’re just greedy.”

Gray chuckled, “True enough. Want to go check out the water? The kids look like they’re getting restless.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Natsu agreed, stealing a quick kiss before grabbing Atlas under one arm and racing towards Hana at full speed as Atlas yelled her name out joyfully. She squealed at their approach, running away from them and towards the water.

He could hear Gray grumbling behind him and grinned.

“Daddy, no!” Hana shrieked as he put Atlas down so he could join the chase and continued to charge after her.

“Don’t worry, Hana, I’ll get him for you,” was all he heard before being picked up from behind and tossed over Gray’s shoulder.

“What are you gonna do now, Sunshine?” Gray snickered, holding on tighter as Natsu did his best to get loose, “What do you think, Hana? Should I throw him in?”

“Yeah!” Hana giggled, “Throw Daddy in the ocean!”

“You heard the lady; you’re going down!” Gray turned them around, and Natsu could see that Hana looked positively gleeful at his predicament. All three kids cheered as they egged Gray on.

“Traitors!” He called out in mock dismay, as he flailed around, trying to mess up Gray’s balance. His efforts proved pointless, however, as the next thing he knew, he was falling, but only for a short second until he landed face-first into the cold water. Moving quickly, he turned himself around, snaking his arms out and grabbing Gray’s legs while he was busy laughing at him.

Using Gray’s distraction to his advantage, Natsu pulled, taking Gray down with him.

“Come on in, the water’s fine!” Natsu couldn’t help but cackle at the surprised expression on his boyfriend’s face.

“That’s it, Dragneel, you asked for it,” Gray announced before splashing water at Natsu’s face.

They wrestled in the water, both laughing too hard to be able to gain any advantage over the other. Soon they were joined by the kids who were more than happy to enter the fray.

After a few minutes, they each grabbed one of the boys and placed them on their shoulders so they could wade deeper while keeping an eye on Hana, who swam beside them. Both boys were overjoyed to be up so high. They eagerly called out every wave that rushed towards them.

Natsu was having such a great time that he completely forgot to keep track of Hana’s skin, and when he noticed the telltale redness on her nose and the back of her neck, he decided it was time to get back to their umbrella. Gray wasn’t doing much better, which made Natsu smile. The guy might be thirty, but he was still young in all the best ways.

Gray treated them to lunch, and they all sat together under the umbrella munching happily on pizza and chicken nuggets.

“Are you having fun?” Gray asked while helping Aki eat a slice of cheese pizza.

“Yeah,” Natsu answered honestly, “I have to admit, you had a good idea for once.”

Gray rolled his eyes at his response but chose not to protest. They shared a fun afternoon building sandcastles with the kids, collecting shells, and helping Atlas dig ever deeper holes, which Natsu made sure to refill once his son had moved on to the next one. Much too soon, it was time to get on a train as Natsu had to return to Magnolia in time for his evening shift at Crime Sorciere.

Natsu sat on the train, feeling content as Hana leaned against him, and Atlas snored in his lap. On the opposite bench, Aki was also K.O. in Gray’s arms, while Gray gazed out the window with a serene smile. Natsu watched him for a while, mesmerized by how breathtaking Gray looked when he was at peace. It didn’t happen nearly often enough for his liking, and that always saddened him. Gray deserved the world, and Natsu was determined to get it for him. Someday.

They made it home with enough time for Natsu to take a shower before leaving for work. He noticed a notification on his phone as he was getting dressed, and seeing that it was a text from Gray, he scanned it immediately.

Happy Birthday, Natsu! 😉

Natsu realized then that he hadn’t thought about his birthday once since they’d arrived at the beach. He was touched to learn that Gray had been aware all along, choosing not to treat the day any differently because he’d remembered how Natsu felt about it.

Just like that, Gray had understood what he’d needed, something Erza and Lisanna had struggled with for years.

For the first time since Natsu was nine years old, he’d had a birthday he could look back on with a smile. And that was the best present he could have ever asked for.

A/N: We had started this one for Summer Solstice but ran out of time, luckily Gratsu Week gave us the motivation to finish it! This fic marks 200K words in our AU!

#fairy tail #ftdadsau #gratsu #gratsusummer2020 #gratsuweek2k20 #ftlgbtales #prompt: fun in the sun #prompt: what's with all the noise? I'm sleepy #fics #gray x natsu #Gratsu Summer Solstice 2020 #Gratsu Week 2020

[icharchivist]

tmi about myself i guess but it’s in regard to my previous post 

I relate to quite a few a3 chara for very various and different reasons and while there are charas i relate to more than others it’s not a 1:1 thing

but also sometimes i just. Like. I didn’t think about why this story hit me as hard as it did until just now having to word it.

My eldest sister ran away from home when i was 6 (and she was 16) never to be seen again and this kinda shapped up a lot, if not most of my life, it’s like, my biggest trauma in a sea of trauma and i don’t think i can properly word how this sort of things affects young children and a whole family dynamic.

Madoka saying that, in substance, he thought Misumi was dead suddenly hit super hard because my whole life this whole topic was extremely taboo to even mention and me and my other sister had to pretend we never had an eldest sister. Like she never existed.

because our parents were so worried about their images and the rumors that came out around the reasons of her departs that she didn’t trust us, as kids, to talk about it, so we just had to never say a word and never bring it up except if my mom was having a mental breakdown about it in which case i had to listen to her (since the relationship with my other sister got, strained with time. Leaving it at that.)

I’ve always equated my feelings toward her to what it felt like to always have a lingering ghost around. I barely even remember her and if i dig things hurt more than they should. I have the stories my family used to say but none of this connects with me. But i know i loved her so dearly and her leaving left such a.. hole we were supposed to never address that it was haunting. I’ve only recently realized that probably a huge part of me was just grieving all that time because i could never properly word what it’s like to lose someone who’s still very much alive, and whom you have to think about regularly “wonders where she’s at now” while also feeling it’s not your business anymore.

The thing is that i was 6, but my parents didn’t actually tell me she ran off until the year after - before that i thought she was staying at my grandma’s place for an undefined amount of time. Then they started opening up more about it after they divorced when i was 12 and both parents had really conflicting version of events that i had a hard time puzzling together, but both blamed her for leaving anyway.

and it’s only when i was 23 or so that i managed to dig back the lawsuit files that ensued her running away (very long story) and found a lot of damning evidence of my parent’s lies and the reasons why she left and why she was 100% right for leaving. 

This was almost hysterical to me. I remember reading it with friends and spending the whole day laughing bitterly because my parents are goddamn liars who built her up as the bad guy for basically just escaping their abuse. (some of which are things they put on me too, reading some of the papers in that file was like reading my mails sometimes.). I can’t even tell how awful it was to read up all the ways they’ve hurt her while they spent years and years telling me she was all to blame all while i was suffering the consequences of her leaving. 

Not to mention i’ve spent my whole life, everytime i had a fight with my parents, hearing thrown at my face “what are you going to do, run away too? and hurt us like she did?” and so i ended up terrified of talking back hearing that all the time, so scared to cause the very hurt i had been unable to heal from all that time, and it kept me in this abusive family trying to fix their messes because of that lasting trauma.

I’ve cut ties with my dad about 6 years ago (though it’s not that easy and all, he’s still currently suing me after all lmao (next month should be the end of that lawsuit fucking finally)) so i know more than ever how my sister may have felt and it’s just. a lot. It’s a lot to have had spent your life having to think badly of her only for this.

And, (cw a//bleism) back to why it hit just now too is the fact that, I kinda read Misumi as a/utistic coded and it just sort of hit me in the face because a lot of the abuse my sister got was because she was a/utistic and my parents constantly threw it at her face and weaponized her to create a horrible environment. One of my most ancient yet vivid memory is me as a very very young child having my father using this word as an insult for stupid on me until i fought back going that i could never be something this awful /to my sister’s face/, making me /part/ of their twisted ways to hurt her. And i’ve remembered that *years* after with horror and the knowledge i will never be able to fix it.

I didn’t *think* about it in regard of that storyline until just now and now i’m shaking with anger and fury that i can’t possibly word properly. 

On the other hand man i liked Madoka just fine on my first read but the way i’m feeling right now is sure. wow. I’ll keep my eyes out on him in act 3 i guess. 

and i guess i have now specific headcanons about the way this fucking stupid family treated it all and i don’t think that’s a win actually. Kinda hating it here;

anyway i’m shaking with rage this awoke something very deep in me and this is. making me so so upset.

i’ve been dancing around this subject for a long while talking about a3 (because yeah there’s *reasons* why Azuma’s way to push people away because of his intense grief talks to me this hard. There’s reason Hisoka, the youngest of three siblings who’s eldest is gone and the second one had a strained relationship with him, and who can’t even remember what happened to lead to that, has affected me the way it did. Or why every characters who have been neglected by their parents are giving me a viseral reaction of wanting to take care of them.) because i really don’t know how much i can open up about those stuff now online.

I used to talk about my problems a bit more before but despite trying to not tag my a3 ramblings so i could talk more about it personally, i did end up getting people to follow my liveblog and suddenly it was awkward to bring that up again (even if i think most of my older followers know all of what i just said already)

so huh this is very awkward and it’s been a while i’ve been just shafting my tmi posts in my drafts but this one is the breaking point because i didn’t see coming the amount of rage the “clicking” of what made this storyline such a hard one to read would do to me.

i’m shaking with rage wow i didn’t see that one coming.

#ichablogging a3 #ichapersonal #i'm talking a lot about stuff from my past which huh were traumatic to me so read with care? #i've been holding back talking about a lot of this for a while now but this storyline just. man.

[alloftheimaginess]

Freedom (2)

Wordcount: 2519

Warnings: talks of suicide and depression.

DONT NOT READ IF YOU ARE ESSILY TRIGGERED

A/n: this was very hard for me to write and I’ve been struggling with it because I had to pull from real life events and so it was hard but I’m proud of how it turned out

Part 1

"You'll never take me alive" (Y/n) says as her and Peter play pirates and police in his room.

"I will take you dead then" peter says trying to sound serious which makes Tony and Steve struggle to keep quiet as they record from the doorway.

"Argh. You'll never take me dead" (Y/n) says jumping around the cushions that are on the floor.

"(Y/n/n) stop" Peter whines.

"You have to surrender" he says on the verge of tears and she stops.

"I decided that I'm ready to go to jail" she says. "Really?" Peter asks and she nods.

"Yes?" She asks and he pulls out the handcuffs. "Just do it already" she fake cries bringing a smile to her brothers face and she turns to see her dads in the doorway and she sends them a huge smile before putting her attention back on peter.

.......................................................................

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to (y/n), happy birthday to you" The Avengers sing to the 6 year old girl whose grinning from ear to ear, Peter following closely behind Steve as he carries the cake into the living room. Steve sets the cake down and sits down beside her picking her up slightly so she can blow the candles out. Tony recording everything.

"Did you make a wish princess?" Nat asks smiling down at the girl.

"Yes, but auntie Nat if I tell you it's not going to come true" she says giggling.

"You are the best at keeping secrets" she says laying a hand on the small girls cheek. "Cake time?" Tony asks from behind the camera and (y/n) nods frantically.

"Cake time!" she says agreeing with him as she pulls Peter up onto her cushion so they can share the cake.

..........................................................................

"Merry Christmas princess" Tony says running into (Y/n)'s room waking her up by tickling her and she laughs.

"Merry Christmas daddy" she says her voice quiet and hoarse and Tony picks her up.

"Merry Christmas papa" she says smiling at Steve who's behind the camera before she lays her head on Tony's shoulder.

"Merry Christmas baby" he says smiling at her. "Is Peter woke yet?" She asks perking up.

"We are going to his room next" Steve tells her and she asks to be put down and Tony sets her down and she runs out the room wanting to be the one to wake Peter up.

"Merry Christmas Petie" she says jumping on the bed and Peter starts to whine.

"I'm sorry Petie but you have to get up. Let's go open gifts" she says and Peter sits up and she helps him out the bed pulling him into the living room.

..........................................................................

"We have (y/n) and Peter here" Steve says recording them on their first day of school. "What grade are you going to (Y/n)?" Steve asks and (Y/n) smiles at the camera.

"I'm going to third" she says doing a little dance causing Steve to laugh.

"What grade are you going to Peter?" He asks. "First" Peter says holding up one finger and (y/n) starts dancing towards the camera singing one of her millions of made up songs.

"Papa, I can see myself" she says as she gets up on the camera.

"Are you guys excited for school?" Tony asks and Peter and (Y/n) both start screaming, running around the front yard like headless chickens.

"I'm super excited, next week, we uh next week we get to. Next week we are going to have around the world" (y/n) finally gets out.

"You sound super excited for it" Steve says.

"I am, it's the first year petie can walk with me so we can do it together" she says staring directly in the camera wide eyed, causing tony and Steve to crack up.

...........................................................................

"This is my papa Steve and my daddy Tony, they just got back from a super top secret mission doing super top secret superhero stuff" (Y/n) says recording them as they walk into the house.

"Hi" steve says grabbing the camera from her, turning it on her.

"And this is the beautiful (Y/n), looking as beautiful as ever" he says and she turns away hiding her face. "Look at her blushing" he says and she covers the camera the best she can with her small hand.

"I love you" she says laughing and it goes black.

Peter watches the home videos over and over just to see if she's had a moment where her emotions faltered but so far they haven't and that makes him feel even worse because when she showed something was wrong with her, he brushed her off.

"Hey pete, you should get some sleep" Tony says causing him to jump and he turns around.

"I can't make sense of it" Peter says and Tony moves the movies off of the sofa to clear a seat next to Peter.

"I think she left us what we needed to understand in her letter" Tony says softly trying to get through to his son like he has been for 6 months.

"I can't read it until I know that she was happy, that this wasn't something to add up over her whole lifetime" he says looking at the screen just in time for something to catch his eye and he grabs the remote rewinding.

"There" he says standing up and going to the tv.

"Watch" he says pressing play and he slows it down just enough for Tony to catch what he's pointing to and it's a video of (y/n) on her 10th birthday and she was sitting there upset until she seen Steve walk out with the camera and then she perked up to her old self just like in all of the home videos.

He quickly changes it out and puts in her 11th birthday and it's the same thing except she's in the background of Peter being recorded, obviously going through something.

He switches video after video getting the same thing and he switches to the video of the day (y/n) went to college and that's when it breaks him, that's when he knows it's been there all along but everyone was wrapped up in themselves to notice that you were struggling and it kills him.

A sob escapes his lips as he sets the remote down knowing that he could have saved you but he was too wrapped up in doing the things every teenager does. He’s mad at himself because his spider senses didn’t tell him that something was up. They didn’t tell him that he lost his sister.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay” Tony says swallowing hard at those words.

“How can you say that? How can you stand here and tell me that it’s going to be okay? Why are you just pretending that nothing even happened. You and dad don’t even talk about it anymore it’s like you completely erased it from your memory and moved on. You don’t even care about her!” Peter screams, the dam of emotions he’s built up, breaking in a matter of seconds.

“Because it has to be!” Tony yells back and Steve runs down the stairs.

“We have no choice but to let it be okay or it’s going to kill us” Tony yells just as loud.

“You think I’m okay? You think I’m not struggling. I lost my first born, my baby Peter, you don’t think that it’s have any effect on me? You don’t think I have nightmares every night of finding her? You don’t think I want this pain to go away just as much as you do? Peter I am miserable but I have to raise you so I can’t constantly be down about it because if I do you are down a father. I loved your sister more than anything and every morning I struggle getting out of the bed but then I hear you make a noise and I know I have to get up every morning for you. Don’t try to tell me I don’t care. Don’t you dare say that, losing a child is one of the hardest things anyone has to go through and for you to say that when I had to watch my daughter get lowered into the ground, it hurts and I know you’re grieving still, we all are Pete but that doesn’t mean you can snap at me because I’m not grieving in the way you want me to” Tony says calming down.

“Pete” Steve pipes up, getting both of their attention.

“I was where you were right after it happened. Late nights, early mornings. I was going through her stuff, reading her journals, going through her text messages. I just wanted an answer, I wanted to know why she did it. Why she didn’t try to come to us and what happened that pushed her to it. But there isn’t one answer” he says crying, just like Peter and Tony.

“There’s a million tiny little answers and this needs to stop before you dig yourself into a hole so deep you can’t get out. Read your letter Peter and let that be enough for now, let it allow you some peace because peace is what we all need right now” he says picking up the tv remote.

“This isn’t what we need, we don’t need to be doing this because then we’ll only start to remember the negative instead of the positive” he says pointing to the tv and then he turns around, his breath catching in his throat when it’s the video from before you went to prom and you were twirling around the house in your dress and he watches it.

He watches as you grab Peter, much to his dismay and force him to ballroom dance with you, the whole room falling silent as they watch how gracefully you move.

“I’m sorry” Peter pipes up, not being able to keep quiet anymore.

“Don’t be” Tony says turning his attention away from the tv.

“You’re having a hard time and I would expect nothing less, just try to come to us. Let us know when it’s bothering you so we can help you” Tony says and Peter nods, turning his attention back to Steve and they both go over pulling him in to a hug.

A few days later

Peter sits down on his bed, the letter you left for him held firmly in his hands, waiting to be opened and he carefully opens it and pulls out the 8 paged letter, covered in writing on front and hack.

Hey Peter don’t be mad at me. I know if I was still there you would call me stupid and we’d argue until we both started laughing, forgetting what we were even arguing about in the first place. I just want you to know that this is not your fault no matter how much you think it is. When I came to you, it wasn’t to see if you cared, it wasn’t a confirmation of if I should do it or not. It was me allowing myself to vent and I’m not mad, I understand what it’s like to want to hang out with your friends and my love for you remained the same.

Petie. That’s so weird to write because I haven’t called you that since you were eight. The first time I seen you, I knew you were going to be my best friend and I was right. You are my little brother, my best friend, the first person that I truly loved besides dads of course, the first person I had to learn to love and was so glad to have in my life. Don’t stress yourself out trying to figure it out. There’s no point, it’s not just one thing, it’s everything. You, and dads were the lighthouse in my darkness called life for so long but then I started floating further away from you guys and I floated so far away I could no longer see the guiding light, I was alone, It was cold and dark and it became too much.

I don’t blame anybody but myself and I hope you understand that you did not do anything to push me over the edge. You were always there for me, allowing me to do stupid shit to you even when you didn’t want it because you wanted me to be happy. I was living but I wasn’t alive. I died a long time ago emotionally and mentally and my physical body just caught up to that. I didn’t mean to cause anyone any pain and I know I did, I know this will.

Knowing you, you aren’t reading this right away and it’s been some insane amount of months and you’re reading it super late at night but because you’re petie I expect nothing less. I know how much you’ll miss me and I don’t know what happens after this, but I just want you to know that I’ll miss you too and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for any pain that I caused and am currently causing. There’s a false bottom in my bottom drawer, I left something in there for you and I know you’ll never take it off.

Okay this letter is getting super long and I kinda want to end it so I’m going to end it on this note. You are the best little brother anyone could ever ask for, you have brought sunshine into my life since the day you entered it and I want you to use that shine to shine on the rest of the world. Tell Ned that I love him so much, almost more than I love you. Nah I’m just kidding but he’s definitely been a brother to me and I’ll always love you both. The eighth page is a letter I wrote for Ned so I need you to give that to him. I would have separated it but I ran out of envelopes so I had to stick it with yours.

You’ll always be my number one and no matter what I’ll always love you and I hope you can do the same and not be angry with me for leaving you. I love you so much Peter and I hope you enjoy the picture I drew for you on the back of this because it took hours.

Peter flips the page over to reveal a stick figure drawing of you and him, he’s in his Spider-Man mask and you’re in the biggest pair of glasses and you drew the arms to make it look like you were hugging him and he laughs, his tears hitting the paper and he quickly wipes them away drying the paper the best he can and he separates Ned letter, folding it up for him and he stares at the picture a little longer before folding up the letter and putting it in his drawer, feeling a lot better than he has for the past six months.

#tony stark x stark!reader #tony stark #tony stark x teen!reader #tony stark x teen!daughter #tony stark parental imagine #tony stark x daughter #tony stark x daughter!reader #tony stark x steve rogers #steve rogers imagines #steve rogers #steve rogers x teen!reader #steve rogers x teen!daughter #steve rogers x daughter #steve rogers x daughter!reader #steve rogers parental imagine #peter parker imagine #peter parker x sister reader #peter parker x sister #peter parker x sister!reader #stony au #mcu stony #starkrogers #stark

[saikikusuwoah]

Wrong Turn Teleportation (ch 1)

Of course I’ve teleported to places I’ve never seen before. In fact, It’s more common than me teleporting to somewhere I’ve been before, but… I’ve always remained the same person.

I’d say that the day was dark and stormy or bright and sunny, like one would expect in a story like this, but it was neither of those things. It was a relatively grey-skied Friday, with the signs of a storm rolling in constantly. I couldn’t be more bothered with the weather, but everyone else seemed pretty upset about it- many students had planned outdoor activities for today after school and all were worrying if it would rain. I however, only wanted to get home as quickly as possible, because an anime I was really enjoying was airing its finale today. While the teacher droned on about something to do with the structure of insect wings, I turned my eyes to gaze out the window and rested my head in my hand, watching the first few drops of what would become a thunderstorm begin to hit the ground. While the concrete darkened as the rain began to paint it with its water droplets, I noticed something… odd.

I was able to lose them on my way out of the school, thankfully, and I was one of the first students to leave. I rapidly pulled on my coat, opened my umbrella and hastily took the steps two by two to see what exactly it was that had fallen from the sky while the storm was just rolling in. I was quite surprised though, as when I reached the spot that the item had landed and bent down to look for it, I found nothing there. It couldn’t have just disappeared, so I assumed someone else had claimed it for themself and let that be that. I stood back up and sighed, letting the strange golden raindrop escape my mind. What didn’t escape my mind however, was the looming threats that were Eren and Kaido. They were approaching fast, and I needed to get out of their vicinity even faster. I started my power-walk home as soon as the duo had reached the cubbies at the front of the school.

But I apparently wasn’t fast enough, as I heard Kaido’s voice calling me from almost directly behind me. A wave of students changing shoes allowed me to escape into the crowd undetected, however, and I was thankfully swift enough in my escape that the two had lost me. I walked along the road to my home alone, relieved that I was able to avoid social interaction with the two before it became anything more than a missed conversation opportunity. I felt safe in knowing that the two nuisances were far behind me, so I allowed my guard to drop. I found myself wondering what the finale would contain, when I heard footsteps rush up behind me. I turned around and found myself face to face with Kaido, his hand on my shoulder and Eren’s elbow resting on the chunibyo’s shoulder.

And that’s when it happened. I was so startled in that moment, they had brought me back down to earth so fast, that I found my body reflexively and simultaneously taking a step back and teleporting at the same time, all while Kaido’s grip on my left shoulder remained.

Something was different about this teleportation, however. Instead of instantly arriving at some random destination, I found the world around me almost melting away and my body lurching as I began to fall. But I was not alone. I could hear Kaido and Eren near me somewhere, screaming in fear. (Okay, maybe that was just Kaido, but I undoubtedly heard Eren gasp too.) All I could see was a spinning mess of grey dull colors and the cold of the rain that soon slowly transitioned into an amalgamation of greens and blues as my body, especially my back, began to ache like mad. I felt something sweep across my body as a warm air hit my face and I fell hard on my back, passing out soon after.

When I woke up, the first thing I felt was a sort of remnant of pain in my upper back and around my tailbone. I was obviously sprawled out somewhere, and It felt like there was something attached to my back, digging deep into my skin. I could hear birds chirping and feel the familiar sensation of grass on the back of my neck. I sat up, and gazed around at wherever I was. Tall trees surrounded me, and flowers and bushes lined the meadow where I was sprawled out. The odd sensation on my back started to really get to me, so I decided I'd look back and see what was causing it.

And I was in awe. It was wings. Two, slightly transparent pink bug-like wings sprouted from my back. They were folded flush against my back and two holes accommodated the joinings between my skin and the new clothes I found myself wearing. Just to add on to this insanity, a long, thin tail with a tuft of hair on the end matching the color on my head was laying limply at my side, running along the length of my leg. As I lifted my hand to cover my mouth in shock, I realized another new outstanding revelation- my glasses were missing. But as I looked at the foliage around me, it all remained alive and green, so I assumed that my petrification ability was gone.

But so were my limiters. In their place were two, long, black, bug-like antennae which were actually really a part of my body as a firm tug on them shot pain into my head. Still stunned at this sudden change, I shakily stumbled to my feet. I turned around and tried to gain some bearings on where I was, but my original plans were interrupted when at my feet I spotted Kaido and Eren, still unconscious, their bodies changed just like mine were. The wings that had suddenly appeared on my back along with the new tail and antennae reacted by twitching a little when I was startled by the sudden groaning of Kaido as he woke up. He had the same antennae as I did, along with a tail and wings (albeit, his were blue) but he was dressed in what seemed to be a toga fashioned out of blue flower petals. He regained more and more consciousness as did Eren, who was only slightly farther away, and I was left between the two, wondering how the hell I would explain this to them when even I had no clue what had just happened. Kaido suddenly propped himself up on one of his elbows and groaned as he fully came to.

“Ugh, where am I? Is… Is that you, Saiki?” He moaned, as he gripped his head and stared up at me.

“You look different. What’s going on here?” Continued the now slightly more awake Kaido as I helped him up onto his feet. “What’s with the weird costume?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He thinks It’s a costume! I steadied him on the ground and sighed as I began my explanation.

“Kaido… It’s not a costume. And uh… Now would be a good time to check your back.”

The resulting scream as he spotted the wings and tail were loud enough to get Eren up and on his feet, ready to fight someone or something. I turned to face him as he walked closer to us and gained a confused expression.

“I’m not even gonna ask what happened to you guys. My real question is… where are we?”

“THAT IS THE SECOND OF OUR WORRIES, EREN!” Kaido shouted, gesturing up and down to himself. “WHERE WE ARE IS LESS IMPORTANT BECAUSE OUR BIGGER ISSUE IS WHAT WE ARE!” Kaido yelled, his newfound appendages stretching out as he became more and more frustrated.

“What do you mean, Kai-” Erien started to say but stopped mid-sentence as his tail flicked into his view.

“Oh my god.” He said softly, trying to back away but finding the extremity following him.

“What are we?”

#saiki kusuo no psi nan #saiki kusou #shun kaidou #kuboyasu aren #the disastrous life of saiki k. #fanfic #the disastrous life of saiki k fic #pixies #saiki k au

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

Eye-opening memory and memories of romance/love and death/loss for the Coffee shop owner!Peter/Mechanic!Tony verse. I just love them so much

do the thing, send in all the prompts 

I saw this & got really excited because fleshing out Tony and Peter’s characters in that verse is something I’m very much looking forward to. Maybe this will push me to do a second part of Counting Airplanes (fingers crossed!) Thanks for the prompts, @stark-bb. I hope you enjoy! 

✈ - an eye-opening memory

Tony asked Peter to start living with him about a year into their relationship. It made the most sense - they were much closer to both workplaces and Tony’s spot had just a bit more space. Aside from that, Tony would’ve had a hard time adjusting to somewhere new - he felt pretty firm about that. Luckily, Peter didn’t seem to mind; his boyfriend appeared to simply enjoy the entire process of making space and moving his things into Tony’s house - it probably wouldn’t have mattered if they moved into a closet. 

For the most part, the transition into being both lovers and roommates was pretty seamless - Tony didn’t mind the extra noise that Peter inherently brought with him, or the second set of breakfast dishes in the sink to clean when they cooked later on. Peter brought a sense of calm to the house that didn’t exist when it was just Tony and the empty spaces. Though his dreams didn’t go away, the haze in which they kept him in started to dissipate a lot earlier. It didn’t take him days to escape - Peter’s arms could bring him back within moments. 

The one thing Tony didn’t quite understand was the way Peter left Q-tips laying around all over the place. He started to notice it when he found one on the coffee table - and then again the same day on the dresser on top of the clothes his boyfriend dug through earlier while getting ready for work. Peter liked to dig in his ear every time he walked into the bathroom - but Tony figured that was just a habit he got into and never stopped. After a couple days of finding them in random places, Tony really started to pay attention. 

Finally deciding to approach him about it, Tony grabbed the one he just found on the junk table sitting with his random nuts and bolts that he’d eventually use. “Hey, Pete - what’s up with the Q-tips?” Tony asked - he followed Peter into the kitchen and admonished it towards him. “I find them in the most random places - I can’t decide if it’s cute or weird.” 

Peter sucked in a breath in an attempt to hold in a laugh - and quickly lost the battle. His face got red and his lips parted as the hearty sound came out from the depths of his chest. “I was wondering when you’d start to notice.” Peter gasped out through the laughter. “When I was a kid, I used to get really terrible ear infections. I’d put the Q-tip in my ear to relieve the pressure. It started out as an innocent thing, leaving them everywhere. Then, I noticed how much it pissed May off and it became this little game. For some reason, I just sort of fell back into the habit when I got here.” 

Tony tilted his head and wondered for a moment how so pure of a person actually existed. For whatever reason, the little ‘hide the Q-tip’ game felt like Peter getting comfortable and settling in, even if it was a little odd. Though he constantly thought about what it would be like to have Peter with him forever, Tony realized in that moment that he was going to marry Peter Parker.

He loved that adorable little Q-tip bandit more than ever. 

✤ - a memory that involves romance/love

After Tony asked him to marry him, Peter spent a good amount of time planning the day. Despite his anxiety, Peter was pleasantly surprised when Tony agreed to have a reception and small ceremony - he could tell that his fiancé wanted to give him what he wanted. A little bit of thought and consideration told Peter that anything bigger than their friends and family would probably be pushing it, no matter how much Tony wanted to put on a brave face. They weren’t far from Red Rocks, so he figured a little hike into the depth of the mountains wouldn’t be a bad start to their little nuptial ceremony. 

Trailing behind him and Tony, MJ, Ned, May, Steve, and Rhodey were all chatting amicably. Ever since the two of them got together, Peter’s friend group quickly integrated themselves into the gaps and spaces that existed in the close knit crew that surrounded Tony. Peter didn’t have any issues getting along with the rugged men, and when they got MJ and Ned’s approval, he was more than content to let the melding of their favorite people start to happen. The natural way it did just showed how right it actually was. 

Dressed casually in soft linen preacher collared shirts, white for Peter and a dark blue for Tony, the two of them stood in front of their selected family members and tied their life together. Steve, the big sap that he was, didn’t even make it through the first couple of minutes before starting to cry. His small talking part before they exchanged their vows was littered with sniffs and breaks to wipe his eyes. He felt Tony grip his hand tightly, the two of them sharing a look - Peter caught the very second his soon-to-be husband relaxed into the caress and really started to enjoy the moment. 

Tony didn’t do a lot of talking, but the soft delivery of his vows was something Peter wasn’t sure to ever forget. 

“There’s a lot of things I could say about love and promises and all the things I want to give to you. I want all of those things, but I think the most important thing to say in this moment is that you’re the safest place to be. Where you are, I’m home. When I’m with you, I know I’ll be safe - even when the darkness creeps in and I get pulled under, you’re there; you’ll always be there. I love you, Pete. Always.” 

Grinning, Peter neglected the traditional procedure and pressed his lips against Tony’s - he couldn’t possibly wait a second longer. He stepped back and shot a reluctant look over his shoulder - “I couldn’t help myself.” The laugh he got was just enough to keep him from losing his shit and crying tears of genuine happiness. What Tony said spoke volumes - louder and more robust than anything fancy or rehearsed would have been.  

☤ - a memory of death/loss

One of the first things Peter talked Tony into doing when they moved in together was get a pet. Since Tony wasn’t the biggest fan of taking care of himself, let alone another living thing, they opted for a hamster. It seemed silly, two grown men going from pet store to pet store looking for the perfect one, but since it felt like a monumental step - it needed to be right. The black and white ball of fluff walked right into Peter’s hand when the employee opened up the cage at the fourth Pet Smart they tried. Neither of them needed anymore prodding - they got the necessary stuff (and some that wasn’t) and took Oreo home. 

Watching the hamster roll around in the little ball was more entertaining than it had any right to be. They set Oreo in it when they were in the living room or standing around the kitchen putting dinner together. Though he spent most of his time running over either of their feet, the little rodent seemed to enjoy it. In a way, Oreo opened them up to something outside of themselves. He didn’t require much taking care of, or effort at all, but they decided to go all in. For the two of them, Oreo was a vital piece of the family. 

The unfortunate event of his passing brought a somberness to their house for a couple of days. Peter went to give him his morning treat and take him out for a spin in the ball and found him hard as a rock - the shout Tony heard from their bedroom had him sprinting down the hall, his battle training kicking in almost immediately. Seeing Peter holding the still animal gently in his hands made his heart hurt instantly. The little hamster dug into their hearts and made a home - even if he was only there for a few months. 

After sitting around the house in a cloud of sadness, Tony left Peter on the couch with a soft kiss to the head. They were done at both of their shops for the day and trying to relax. Tony couldn’t, though - not with the grief that was radiating from Peter in thick waves. Thinking on his feet, Tony drove back into work and set about making the perfect little headstone for the hamster - they had a huge backyard that would be the best resting place for their adventurous little pal. 

It took a bit of coaxing, but he managed to get Peter in the backyard after he dug the hole and got the box into the ground. He took a couple pieces of junk metal sitting around and welded ‘Here lies Oreo’ across the top of it. It wasn’t much, but it marked off his forever home and kept his memory alive. Getting the dirt over the top of the box and patting it down, Tony felt arms wrap around his hips when he stood up again. Peter leaned into him, his weight warm and solid against Tony’s side. 

“Thanks, Tones,” Peter mumbled, his lips pressing against Tony’s cheek for good measure. 

#stark-bb #starker #ironspider #bobbie writes

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

S.T. REWRITE - S2:E5; Chapter Five, Dig Dug - [Pt. 1]

A Will Byers x Reader Series

After a run-in with Will, a troubled Y/n teams up with an unlikely ally in her search for answers. “Bob the Brain” tackles a difficult problem.

||Reader’s POV||

“It’s like… It’s like I feel what the shadow monster’s feeling. See what he’s seeing,” I frowned, my heart breaking for Will.

Will was sitting next to me on the edge of his bed. He looked awful. He was drenched with sweat and he was unnaturally pale. If I looked carefully enough I could see him shaking.

“Like in the Upside Down?” Mike asked.

Mike was pacing around Will’s room, his fingers lightly ran along the trails of drawings of Will’s tunnels. Apparently, that’s what he was seeing in what he called his ‘now memories’.

“Some of him is there,” Will said, his eyes never leaving the wall. “But some of him is here, too.”

“Like, in the house?” I asked gently, and Will flinched.

Maybe because I hadn’t spoken in a while.

He looked to me for a brief moment but refused to meet my eyes.

“In this house and…” he looked away. “in me. It’s like… it’s like he’s reaching into Hawkins more and more. And the more he spreads, the more connected to him I feel.”

Mike had taken a seat on the other side of Will.

“The more you see these now-memories.” Will nodded at Mike’s words, his eyes still fixed on the floor.

“Is there anything else you can tell us? About these now-memories?” I ask gently.

Will begins fidgeting, he squirmed a bit and it almost seemed like he was inching away from me. I brushed it off.

“At first I just felt it in the back of my head. I didn’t even know it was really there. It’s like when you have a dream and you can’t remember it unless you think really hard.” His voice was shaking, his hands were too.

“It was like that. But now it’s like…” His brows scrunched up, trying to find the right words. “Now I remember. I remember all the time.”

Mike and I shared an equally worried look, and Mike spoke up.

“Maybe… Maybe that’s good.”

“Good?“ 

I gave Mike a curious look.

"Just think about it,” He nodded, looking between the two of us. “You’re like a spy now. A superspy. Spying on the shadow monster.”

I could have sworn I saw Will give me an uncomfortable side look. He was getting squirmy again. I tried to act like I didn’t see it, but I couldn’t help but pick up on his odd behavior towards me.

“If you know what he’s seeing and feeling,” Another glance. “Maybe that’s how we can stop him.”

I smiled slightly at Mike’s words. He had a point, and I looked at all the pictures around us. Of the now-memories. I nodded eagerly, looking from Mike to Will. Subconsciously, I must have angled myself to face Will more, I realized.

“Mike makes a good point, Will. Maybe all of this is happening for a reason.”

Will contemplated this for a short moment, but then he looked to Mike.

“You really think so?”

That was more difficult to brush off. For some unknown reason, I felt embarrassed. But mostly sad. I looked down at my lap, and tried to mask my hurt I looked back at Mike. The empathetic look on his face told me he didn’t understand Will’s cold shoulder to me either, but he played it off quickly and nodded at Will.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” He gestured to me. “We both do. Right Y/n?”

I smile gratefully, and I turned to Will. “Absolutely,”

He flinched ever so slightly at my voice. I felt my heart breaking more, but I tried to shove my feelings aside. This isn’t about me, this is about Will and being there for him. I can’t imagine what this must be like. So what if he was a little irritable? I would be too.

But I couldn’t stop myself from wondering.

‘Why wasn’t he like this with anyone else?’

I pulled myself from my thoughts, and I noticed Will looking down at his drawing of the shadow monster, and I did too. Just knowing this is exactly what Will saw, made everything more chilling than it already was.

And just looking at the drawing reminded me this thing was with us in a way. I was glaring at it now. I’m mad, no, livid. That this thing attached itself to Will.

Will was grave, he looked and sounded terrified - not that I blame him.

“What if he figures out we’re spying on him?” I heard him sniffle, and his voice was trembling just as much as he was. “What if he spies back?”

I know it’s crazy but at that moment he sounded more like the Will I know than he had in all the time we had been here. 

“He won’t,” I said determinedly.

He met my eye for a split second. It was the first time he had properly acknowledged me since I got here and I could have sworn his eyes were filled with warning. I brushed it off, writing it off as a misconception. I was much too focused on his shaking hand.

“He won’t. We won’t let him, I won’t let-”

Instinctively, I grabbed his trembling hand, hoping to calm him as I have done countless times. But my palm had barely grazed him and immediately he ripped his hand away, grasping it in his other.

I jumped back startled.

His whole body was shaking visibly, and he stared at his hand, before slowly looking up to meet my eyes. He was glaring at me as of I had just slapped him in the face, and he cradled his hand.

“W-Will,? Are you okay, I’m sorry-” I tripped over my words, now more embarrassed than ever. “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Get out,” he whispered.

My mouth ran dry and I frowned in confusion. I looked desperately to Mike who seemed just as shocked.

“What-?” My voice came out in a broken whisper, and now I was beginning to tremble.

“I said get out”

I flinched, and I rose to my feet quickly. I backed away towards his door. Tears clouded my vision and I wished I could leave faster but my limbs felt like they were made of lead. I guess I wasn’t going fast enough because he began shouting at me.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

Mike now had a firm grip on Will’s shoulders. Looking frantically between us, and ready to hold Will back in case he lunged for me.

“What’s going on?”

The voice of Mrs. Byers brought me out of my stupor and I looked to her, apologetically. I was now in the hallway, and she had just reached Will’s door. She glanced between me and Will frantically.

I quickly backed away, stumbling a bit. I tried to find the words to explain, but all I could muster an apology.

“I-I’m sorry,” I croaked, walking backward. “Sorry,”

I turned and fled through the living room, grabbing my backpack off the couch and ran through the open door.

||3rd Person POV||

“What happened? W-what was that?” Joyce asked, kneeling down in front of her son.

Mike had let go, but Will was burning holes in the doorway through which Y/n had disappeared. He neglected to speak so Mike volunteered.

“She just touched his hand, and he- I guess she-?” He tried to find more words but he seemed hesitant to speak in front of Will.

Mrs. Byers stood and beckoned Mike into the hall with her.

Once they were around the corner, he immediately began speaking rapidly in a hushed whisper.

“She didn’t do anything, Mrs. Byers, I swear! I saw the whole thing. She just grabbed his hand, he was shaking a lot and I guess she was just trying to comfort him or something. But he snapped, he just flipped out on her, I don’t-” he sighed, glancing worriedly after her.

Joyce nodded and ran after Y/n. She wanted to talk to her and get her to stay. She knew how much Y/n cared for Will, and how she would never do anything to upset him on purpose. 

Joyce dashed out of the open door, she had already noticed Y/n’s stuff was gone. But by the time she reached the porch, Y/n was peddling down the driveway. She rounded the bushes and disappeared into the night.

Back in Will’s room, Mike stood before his best friend.

“Will…” Mike shook his head slightly, at a loss for words. “What was that?”

Will, who still had his eyes fixed on the doorway, slowing looked up at Mike. He seemed different. Angrier. 

When he spoke, Mike felt a chill run down his spine. Will’s voice held no emotion and he seemed distant. And cold.

Not himself. 

“It needed to be said, Mike. She needed to leave,” he said, his eyes boring into Mike, suddenly very still.

What he said next only confirmed the fact he was not himself.

“She got in his way.”

Will paused and slowly looked away, blinking a couple of times. He stared at the wall for a moment, and he seemed to return to normal like he was pulled out of a long thought. He glanced back at Mike who was staring at him in shock.

Will had a saw the shock on Mike’s face and he tilted his head slightly in confusion.

“What?”

×××

Y/n sped down Mirkwood, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her bike was unsteady, her hand frequently returning to her face, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

She replayed the moment in head over and over and over, never completely understanding what happened. What she had done wrong.

All she could think about was how he looked at her. With disgust. How repulsed he was. More sobs escaped her and she scolded herself. She didn’t know why. She just felt so… ashamed.

Why? She wondered. She hadn’t done anything wrong, that she knew. But it did nothing to ease the pain in her heart.

Something in the back of her mind thought that her bike handles were harder to grip. Wet? She didn’t know, she hardly acknowledged it, much too distressed to worry about it.

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE”

The words echoed loudly in her head and Y/n felt her heart break in two, all over again.

Will never spoke to her like that. Hell, he never yelled at all, much less at her. He was always so soft-spoken and gentle. And so kind. That’s what she liked about him. But this was different.

Her hands slipped a few times from the handles but she just grabbed them once more.

No matter what she told herself, a voice in her head fed her ridiculous lies.

It was completely inappropriate to have grabbed his hand. Invade his space like that. It shouldn’t be a surprise to her, the voice argued. He was clearly uncomfortable around her, flinching and constantly moving away from her. He clearly didn’t want to see her. After all, if he did, he would have confided in her in the first place. Not Mike.

But she invited herself over here, against his wishes, and inserted herself. He had every right to yell at her. She was selfish.

No. No, that’s not what happened at all, she told herself. She did what he would have done for her, she was just trying to help. She wasn’t being selfish.

Y/n was so absorbed in her thoughts, she nearly missed her house. The flickering of her bike light brought her out of her thoughts and back to her surroundings. She realized she had already passed the driveway. In a panicked attempt not to miss, she jerked the oddly slippery handles, much too quickly and she was thrown onto the grass. She lost her balance and crashed her bike, tumbling across her lawn landing on her stomach.

She was panting heavily, recovering from the small shock. Her arms trembled as she tried to push herself up but she winced. She had landed on her elbow weird and it was sore now. Y/n cried out in frustration at the incident. Just what she needed, she thought. Another reason to feel humiliated and stupid. She was still crying, but she pushed herself up and onto her knees.

She sniffled, and her eyes fell right where her hands just were. There in the grass was two singed and charred spots, in the shape of two perfect handprints.

She gasped softly. Once again, she had somehow burned something with the touch of her hands. A horrible thought struck her.

What if that’s why Will snapped at her? She obviously couldn’t control her recently discovered power, but what if she seriously hurt him?

She shook her head, more tears brimming in her eyes and she rose to her feet and sprinted inside. Her mother called after her but she sprinted down the hall, and into her room slamming the door behind her.

She dove onto her bed and her body bounced a bit when she hit the mattress. It wasn’t until she placed her head on her pillow had Y/n realized how exhausted she was.

That must have been what happened. It was the only explanation, right? She must have gotten herself all worked up again - that’s when it always seemed to happen. When she was angry.

She began slipping in and out of consciousness, but she realized something that didn’t quite make sense.

Aside from the concern for her friend, she was perfectly calm when talking to him. Not angry.

And with that, she felt herself sinking into the depths of unconsciousness.

×××

With cautious steps, Hopper navigated the underground tunnels. The small beam from his flashlight traveled along the grey grimy walls of the tunnels, and hundreds of little dead flakes hung in the air around him.

A sharp piercing screech echoed off the walls and Hopper winced, pulling out his gun. His flashlight and gun in hand, he scanned his surroundings only to find nothing but his odd surroundings. Still, at attention and on defense, he continued on.

He had to step over several bumps and roots in the tunnel, but when he turned the corner his courage faltered. A sudden hiss, similar to the screech heard moments before, traveled through the tunnels. Hopper attempted to calm his breathing, doing his best to ignore the flakes entering his lungs with every labored breath.

The farther he ventured into the tunnels, the more death and decay hung in the air. His attention was suddenly drawn to the ceiling of the tunnels where another hiss emanated from. This, he realized, was the source of the noise. It was a large plant, slightly bigger than his own head, growing out of the wall. It moved suddenly inward as if taking a deep breath.

Without warning, the pod spits hundreds of spores, and Hopper recoiled at the sudden burst of spores raining down on him. Hopper fell into a heavy coughing fit and he stumbled back into the wall, cringing at its slimy texture. Unfortunately, he looked up just in time to be blasted by another cloud of spores where a smaller plant was attached to the wall.

Fighting the urge to gag, he turned and fled down the passage, hoping to find his way back. Though the more he moved, the weaker he began to feel. He stopped for a moment, still clutching the slippery tunnel walls to the best of his ability, and he noticed his vision had begun to blur.

He rubbed his eyes with his sleeves but it was all for naught, and he collapsed to the floor. The last thing he saw before he fell into unconsciousness, was the entrance to the tunnels he had created, weaving itself shut, swallowing him in darkness.

+++

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#stranger things #stranger things x reader #stranger things 2 #stranger things rewrite #will byers x reader #noah schnapp #y/n Henderson #dig dug #dig dug pt.1 #jim hopper #joyce byers #mike wheeler #will byers