Yourself(Lucigast)
*AN* I know it's been a while. I've been so occupied with other projects but this popped into my head the other day so here it is. I don't know if anyone is even still interested. If so, hope you like it. (Cat and mouse series continued)
Lucien found the Grove to be a comfort. The warmth of the mid-day sun, the bustle of the nearby town. The birds chirping. The wildlife rustling in the undergrowth. It was calming and where he often found the most restful sleep. When he allowed his mind to focus on the sounds around him and just nap.
He struggled at night when the silence was deafening. The busy morning clatter from the kitchen was soothing so much to the point, he often slept through breakfast rather than through the night.
"Is your bed uncomfortable?" Caduceus asked one evening as Lucien stared down at his awaiting bed.
Lucien, who was practicing not lashing out, simply shook his head.
"I just notice you seem to lie in bed until the sun shows her face. Surely it's not a fear of the dark."
Again, Lucien shook his head. Cornelius' words echoing in his mind.
"Sometimes people prod with questions only because they care. You shouldn't lash out. If you don't want to talk, simply say so."
Caduceus opened the large window between his and Lucien's bed. The small temple didn't allow for his own space. Which Lucien was secretly thankful for.
"Is it too stuffy? There's a cool breeze tonight. Sometimes I feel myself missing the breeze of the ocean."
Lucien sighed, "No that's not nece—"
He cut himself off as the sounds of the grove hit him. The trickle of water, the rustling of leaves, the call of an owl, even the clicking and hissing of bugs brought a sudden calm to him.
Caduceus, never one to miss such queues, gave a simple nod and left the window open.
"Ah, so it's the silence."
Lucien winced at Caduceus' words. He'd tried to hide it for the past week he'd been here. He hoped it would fade, but the panic never subsided.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Caduceus asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Lucien only shook his head, his long dark purple strands blowing across his face as he stared out the window into the looming darkness.
"Okay. Well, if you change your mind, you know where I am." Caduceus laid down as Lucien stepped closer to the window. His hands gripping at the sill.
He let the sounds fill his ears. They weren't like the loud whispers of cognouza, but it was better than nothing.
"Will it ever get better?" he asked quietly. Almost afraid his voice would scare away the sounds.
"In time," Caduceus answered, his eyes now closed. "When you're no longer afraid to be alone with yourself.
"What does that even mean?" Lucien narrowed his eyes towards the unmoving firbolg.
"You're unhappy with yourself. People unhappy with themselves don't like to be alone. They need music or plays or books or other forms of entertainment, otherwise they have to be alone with themselves. And the problem with that is there's no one to talk to but you and no one to listen to but yourself. With distraction comes the relief of drowning yourself out."
Caduceus finally opened his eyes and looked over to where Lucien was looking down at him. The light of Catha cast across his face, making him look more innocent than Caduceus knew him to be.
"You've been drowning yourself out for years. Not only do you not like being alone with yourself but you don't even remember how. We'll start off slow. Tonight, we sleep with the window open."
"And tomorrow?" Lucien looked to Caduceus with an intense frown; one Caduceus had learned to mean Lucien was listening.
Caduceus gave a large grin. "Well that's a tomorrow problem."
Lucien shook his head; he was sure he'd never understand Caduceus' carefree way of life.
"You seem to enjoy the silence. How do you learn to like yourself?"
Caduceus let out a long hum, making Lucien think he'd stumped the firbolg for the first time.
"Well you have to start by being honest with yourself. Find something that you don't like about yourself and change it."
Lucien scoffed, "You make it sound so easy."
Caduceus grinned again. "No, it's very much not. But it's worth it in the end. Caleb might have a thing or two to say on the subject. He's still learning to like himself. It helps being surrounded by people that love and care for you."
Lucien tensed at the mention of Caleb.
A moment of silence passed before he spoke again.
"What is the difference between love and...possessiveness?"
Caduceus laughed. "Well, I may not be the best person to ask, but I can say this. Love isn't necessarily just a feeling you have towards someone. It's the things you do for them. Possessiveness is wanting them to be yours for the sake of having them."
"Do those waters ever muddle?"
"I don't see why not. There's a chance that one may think they love someone, but they do things that hurt them and feel no remorse."
"Remorse," Lucien hummed the word.
"Guilt, regret."
Lucien nodded before frowning.
"You're thinking of someone?" Caduceus eyed Lucien carefully.
"Cree. I used her to my benefit. I wanted her worship and loyalty and when she called out to me for help...I twisted her into something unrecognizable for my own personal gain."
Lucien looked out the window with a thirty-yard stare as he recalled Cree's devotion to him.
"Do you regret that?"
Lucien frowned, pulling his attention to Caduceus. "I think I regret that it didn't work."
"Do you regret that she didn't live?"
"I..." Lucien paused as he considered this question. He often found himself wondering how Cree would feel about the grove. If she would hate living with the Clay's.
"I regret that her death was in vain. But I did what I thought needed to be done."
Caduceus nodded, "Is this something that you maybe don't like about yourself? You sacrificed your friend for your own gain?
Lucien frowned.
"Let me ask you this. Knowing what you know now. Would you do it again?" Caduceus asked.
"Knowing it would fail? No. If I thought there was a way to defeat you all..." Lucien paused.
"You were doing it for power, right?"
Lucien nodded.
"There is power in love. How do you think we defeated you? We weren't stronger than you. But our efforts came from love. We worked together. We depended on one another. If we had sacrificed our own along the way. We could not have won."
Lucien stared out the window. The screeching of a nearby cricket soothing to his ears.
"When we fought the wizards in the grove. You fought along side us. You protected Caleb from the man that wanted to destroy him. Didn't that feel good?"
Lucien recalled the relief and pride of having the terrible man defeated.
He nodded.
"It felt better than Cree's sacrifice I bet."
That struck something in Lucien. Caduceus was right.
"I think you have a lot to think about so I'm going to sleep now. May your mind find peace tonight."
Lucien didn't respond. Instead, he continued to stare out into the darkness of the grove, contemplating Caduceus' words.
Part 15 of the cat and mouse series
Find the rest Here
*AN* I'll try to post the next part sooner than the last. haha. Let me know if any of you are even still interested.
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✧*̥˚ masterlist *̥˚✧
most of my fics are x fem!reader (i subconsiusly have me in mind, makes sense) but you can request fics with different dynamics!
all of my fics can also be read on my ao3: @ softestqueeen
my masterlist for my specials! -> my specials are NOT on my regular masterlist!
please MDNI!! most of my content is for a mature audience only!
✧*̥˚ key *̥˚✧
❤️🔥 smut
🌸fluff
⛓️ hurt/comfort
🖤 dark
✍🏻 request
✧*̥˚ BBC Sherlock *̥˚✧
i can't do this anymore! ⛓️🌸
sherlock holmes x reader
When Sherlock overhears you talking on the phone, he thinks you're going to leave him.
let the light in 🌸
sherlock holmes x reader
After a particularly frustrating case, all the consulting detective needs, is closeness.
misty mornings 🌸
sherlock homles x reader feat. Mrs Hudson and John Watson
When Sherlock Holmes awakes on his birthday, he doesn’t expect anyone to remember it. But of course, you do.
✧*̥˚ Marvel/mcu *̥˚✧
need to be closer ❤️🔥🌸
bruce banner x afab!reader
You love your boyfriend Bruce Banner with all of your heart but sometimes you just don‘t feel close enough. So you decide to try something new...
when you come home to us, pretty boy... ❤️🔥
sub!steve rogers x dom/afab!reader x dom!buck barnes
It was no secret that your relationship was kinky. Even though Steve has been pleasured by Bucky multiple times, he wants you to mark him. And who are you to turn such a good boy down?
i have an idea... ❤️🔥
sub!steve rogers x dom/afab!reader x dom!buck barnes
On the first vacation with your boyfriends, Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, you notice the shower with a glass wall into the bedroom and immediately know how to put it to good use…
let me teach you pt. 1 🌸
steve rogers x afab!reader x bucky barnes
You are a literature professor at university and your boyfriends decide to pay you a visit and listen to one of your lectures.
let me teach you pt. 2 ❤️🔥🌸
steve rogers x afab!reader x bucky barnes
You are a literature professor at university and your boyfriends decide to pay you a visit and listen to one of your lectures. When they join you at your office, things get a little out of hand…
slipping and gliding pt. 1 ❤️🔥🌸✍🏻
natasha romanoff x afab!reader
When the Avengers spend a day at the local water park, you start to see a certain redhead in a different light. You’ve never had anything with a woman before, but Natasha doesn’t mind showing you what feels good.
slipping and gliding pt. 2 ❤️🔥
natasha romanoff x afab!reader
After what happened in the showers, you and Nat make a quick exit to move your fooling around to somewhere else…
natasha romanoff smut drabble
✧*̥˚ Call of Duty *̥˚✧
it's yours, princess ❤️🔥
simon “ghost” riley x reader x könig (cod)
On a mission with König and Ghost you have to stay at a safe house. The only problem – there is only one bed.
my little flower pt. 1 ❤️🔥🖤🌸✍🏻
stalker!könig (cod) x reader
You were just minding your business, planting some new flowers in your garden, when suddenly a (charming) man in a mask abducts you to use you for his pleasure. You are incredibly conflicted; the stranger seems to be kinda nice but also incredibly selfish at the same time.
my little flower pt. 2 ❤️🔥🖤✍🏻
stalker!könig (cod) x reader
You were just minding your business, planting some new flowers in your garden, when suddenly a (charming) man in a mask abducts you to use you for his pleasure. You are incredibly conflicted; the stranger seems to be kinda nice but also incredibly selfish at the same time.
Slowly you’re getting used to living with the man that was slowly becoming more than just the man who abducted you. You’re also getting used to the different ways he’s using and abusing your body.
do you trust me, sweetheart? ❤️🔥🌸✍🏻
simon “ghost” riley x afab!reader
After an unsuccessful mission, you notice how tense and stressed your colleague and friend Simon “Ghost” Riley is. When you ask him how you can help him relieve some stress, things take an unexpected turn…
✧*̥˚ Haunting Adeline*̥˚✧
red roses and deadly promises ❤️🔥🖤🌸
zade meadows x fem!reader
When your stalker, Zade Meadows, has to do some business out of town, someone new makes an unwelcome appearance. How will Zade react when someone tries to steal you away from him?
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• Series Review: The Cat and Mouse Duet •
Y’all, I finally did it. I finally read these books, which I was slightly afraid of reading.
But you know what? I enjoyed them a whole hell of a lot.
This dark romance story follows Addie, a popular author who has recently inherited her grandmother’s (haunted) house and gained a very good-looking stalker who terrifies her as much as he intrigues her. And we get *both* of their POVs.
So, yes, you are sometimes in the head of the man stalking a woman – his name is Zade, he’s a computer genius who runs an infamous hacking company and tracks down pedophiles in his spare time so he can torture them. He’s *really* hard to dislike, even when he’s doing and saying things that will have you waking up at 3am to check the closets.
To me, “Haunting Adeline” is, at its core, a really interesting deep-dive into a guy whose personality traits and general world view on one hand make him a vigilante savior you want to cheer for and on the other a stalker with no boundaries who doesn’t take no for an answer. And yes, that does lead to sometimes uncomfortable spicy situations that are also hot like fire.
It’s pretty incredible storytelling and character work, and oh, also Addie and Zade are both really funny – droll and sardonic and a little creepy, but in a way that’s relatable.
And then! In “Hunting Adeline” things get *much darker*. I won’t spoil it, but the book delves deeper into Addie as a character and how she processes a truly, deeply, incredibly traumatizing experience — and how Zade supports her as she processes and then helps her come to terms with who she has become.
Overall, these two books take you on a hell of a ride that is incredibly enjoyable, even when you’re feeling uncomfortable (and it is okay to need breaks!). I started the books with apprehension, tbh, but ended with a ton of the best kind of dark satisfaction.
🥀Be sure to check trigger warnings before diving in!🖤
4.25🌟
3.75🌶️
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