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mochimistress · 6 months

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Hi y'all ! I just finished my most recent Steddie fic. If you have any headcanons or requests feel free to drop an ask ! Im always a slut for Steddie

AO3 full fic under the cut

Edith knew she was possessive. Clingy. Jealous.

Crazy, if you asked most guys.

Not that Edith gave a fuck about what they all thought. Not when she finally had him. The man of her dreams. The one who's had her heart for as long as she could remember.

Steve.

Her Stevie.

The beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous man who bridal carried her out of literal hell. Who bulldozed over any doctor unwilling to treat her and threw his father's name around even though he hated the very thought of using that power. Who nursed her back to health and refused to sneak a peek when helping her in and out of the tub (what a wonderful, fucking frustrating thought).

Who got along with her Uncle Wayne, sitting and watching the game with him, sharing a beer and laughing in commiseration.

And the day they finally got together. He'd set up a beautiful picnic in the woods behind his house, path lit up with twinkling fairy lights and her favorite foods laid out on a soft blanket. Steve had even fucking dressed up as her favorite Lord of the Rings man and recited Arwen's vows to her.

How could she not jump his bones then and there? (And what a bone indeed.)

Edith was already planning their wedding, something non-traditional, maybe a ripped up wedding dress, adorned with chains and sparkling blood-red jewels. Steve would look so handsome in a deep red vest and black tie.

(And maybe they were young, but when you almost fucking die for ungrateful small-town assholes, who gives a fuck)

Her Steve never made her feel lesser—like a trailer trash washout everyone said she was. He believed in her, defended her every time. Even bringing out his nail studded bat to deal with Carver's old goons.

With all the love and care and cherishing he gave her, how could Edith ever think about letting him go?

And all the love Steve gave her? She gave back just as much. Supporting him when he needed, when his head hurt too much, became too dark, swirling with negativity that didn't belong in his beautiful head. Stood up for him when the kids took it too far (they had no right to make fun of his grades or how long it may take him to process some stuff when he had literal brain damage-) And the way Steve looked at her every time she did it.

It broke her heart.

He deserved so much more than he'd been given. And Edith would be the one to give it all to him.

And yeah, Edith saw how other women would look at her boyfriend. How they'd try to flirt and bash their pretty little eyes at him.

(Oh, Edith certainly wanted to bash something.)

But Her Stevie never looked their way, never even gave them a passing glance. His eyes were always on Edith, alight with adoration and love (and lust that sent shivers down her spine and heat between her thighs).

And Steve was so fucking sweet all the goddamn time.

Chivalry may be dead, but Steve Harrington was bringing back a revival.

He held doors opened, helped with overflowing books and papers. He even stopped bullies from going after Edith's little sheepies and Robin's band friends. Hell, he'd lend out pencils if he could remember to bring extra (Billy Hargrove was lucky he was fucking dead, and Byers was on thin ice). No, with his soft, floppy hair, down-turned puppy dog eyes, and reformed heart of gold beating in his beautiful hairy chest, it's no wonder that people flocked to him.

So if Edith had to defend what was hers, could anyone really blame her?

Girls knew better than to go near Her Stevie. One wrong look and they'd meet the right side of Edith's combat boots. Because none of them knew Steve like she did (and never would, as long as she was around). They didn't know his dreams. Fears. Didn't sit up with him when the nightmares and paranoia were too much. Didn't know how to help him through his migraines and insecurities. All of them just looking to add Steve Harrington as a notch on their bedposts.

No, they knew to stay away.

Except.

There was always one bitch stupid enough to try, despite Edith's glares and other's warnings.

She (because Edith was not about to waste her time learning some tramp's name) transferred in halfway through the year. A grade below them and pretty, Edith supposed, long beach-blonde hair and a button nose.

With an attitude absolutely worse than dogshit.

She clung to her Stevie, even when Steve asked to not to. Wherever Steve was, she would just... appear. Basketball practice? She'd be in the stands, embarrassing herself with loud cheering. Shift at Family Video? She's leaning against the counter, arms crossed under her chest to push up her boobs.

(As if Steve would look; he'd always made sure Edith knew how much he loved her smaller chest. Perfect to cup in his large hands.

“Besides,” he smirked one night, “they'll have room to grow when I knock you up.”

God, he always knew what to say to get her going.)

No, Edith never needed to worry about Steve doing anything. Her sweet, loyal boyfriend would never.

But she took it too far.

She and Steve had a rare shift together at Family Video (after Keith had turned tail when the “earthquake” hit, and Robin was prompted to manager, it was easy to get herself into one of the gross green vests) when she walked in, trying to flirt and failing miserably. After watching her sad display for a good 10 minutes, Edith was finally able to ring her out, giving her a condescending smile and a fake-cheery “Come again!” when she crossed the line.

She'd leaned over and kissed Steve on the cheek, ignoring the look of utter disbelief and outrage on Steve and Edith's faces respectively. She was gone before Edith could even think about leaping over the counter and dragging her back by her dried up straw hair. Seething, she turned to Steve, and all anger disappeared as she took in her boyfriend's face.

Steve was staring after the bitch, mouth open and eyes wide. Suddenly, his face crumpled and he turned to Edith.

“E-edi,” he choked out, hands waving uselessly. “I-I swear I didn't know she would do that. I don't even like her-I swear I have never-I would never-” Steve's voice cut off, choking on his own unwarranted guilt. He looked seconds away from collapsing to his knees and Edith could see him begin to spiral.

She worked quickly, dragging the panicking man into the breakroom, uncaring of the empty, unattended store, and closed the door. Robin would understand, just as protective of Steve as Edith was (that was her brother, her twin flame after all).

“Stevie,” she said softly, grabbing hold of one of his warm hands and placing it firmly over her heart. “Breathe with me baby, follow my heartbeat.” She took an exaggerated breath, keeping her pulse even. Steve sucked in a breath, eyes closed and trembling. Edith remained calm as her mind rolled with thunder.

How fucking dare she do that to her Stevie. How dare she send him into a panic attack. She had no fucking right to kiss him, to ignore his boundaries-and then to send him spiraling into what he was most afraid of? To try to paint him as some cheater like his pathetic asshole of a father? She felt him let out a whimper.

“It's okay,” she shushed him gently, leaning up to place a kiss on his forehead and tipping his head to rest against her clothed shoulder. Steve's hands gravitated to her waist, where they belonged, and he breathed in her scent deeply. He held her there, grounding himself as she continued to hum reassurances.

Edith settled a hand between his shoulder blades, further leaning him into to her, and the other ran through the short locks at the nape of his neck soothingly (another privilege only she got to have and will ever have). She swayed them slightly side to side, letting the tension and hurt wash away.

“My sweet boy,” Edith cooed, pressing a kiss against the shell of Steve's ear, “I know you'd never do anything like that. You'd never lead anyone on or cheat. I know baby.”

With those final three words, Steve slumped fully, though careful not to put his full weight on her. The tension gone, like a puppet's strings snapping, in an instant.

“I'm sorry,” he said weakly, muffled by the fabric of her shirt.

“None of that darling; it's not your fault.”

No, it wasn't Steve's fault. Never her Stevie.

But Edith knew exactly whose it was.

And she would make her pay.

Edith leaned against the picnic table, cigarette held casually between her fingers. She did all her business here where no one could accidentally stumble upon. Secluded. No witnesses.

Leaves crunched to her right and she tilted her head, hearing the skank's loud footsteps before even seeing her.

“Steve?” She called, stepping into the clearing and stopping short when she caught sight of Edith. Straightening to her full height, Edith stubbed out the butt of her cigarette under her steel-toed boots. She was already tall compared to other girls, boots only adding to her imposing figure. She crossed her arms, looking the other girl up and down, unimpressed. “What are you doing here? Where's Steve?”

“I'm afraid he won't be joining us,” Edith smiled sharply, laughing when she took a step back. She pushed off the table, slowing coming to circle around her, a shark and her prey. “Stevie wasn't the one who called you out here. Hell, he doesn't even know we're out here at all.”

“What do you want?”

“Hm,” Edith huffed, stopping a couple of feet in front of the blonde, “I want a lot of things, but what I want right now-” she chuckled “I want you to stay away.”

“What!?”

“See, you decided to touch and cling and harass someone who very clearly didn't want it. Someone who had turned you down, way too politely in my opinion, and asked to be left alone. Someone who is in a happily committed relationship, who loves his girlfriend very much. Someone who's mine-”

“Ugh,” she scoffed, “you're really that fucking insecure? Steve could do so much better than some trash nobody bitch like y-” her words cut off, choking as the cold metal of Edith's pocket knife pressed against the skin of her neck.

Edith smirked, amused. “You think I give a fuck? So what if you think Steve could do better. He still chose me, and I'm going to hold onto him till my last fucking breath.” She pressed hard enough to get a trembling whimper. “And no snot-nosed pretentious bitch is going to do anything about it. So,” another shiver, “if you know what's good for you, you'll Stay. Away.”

Edith stared her down, dark eyes boring into her tear-filled ones. With a final scoff, she stepped away, blade folding elegantly back into itself.

“Now, be a good little girl and run along. I'm sure there's some dickhead jock just waiting to take you up on playing 'Hide the Sausage' with you.”

She stood frozen for a moment and Edith lunged at her, sending her rushing away, almost tripping over her own feet. Edith nodded, pleased, already planning her date with Her Stevie tonight (maybe a nice diner date with an even nicer dessert back in her ro-).

“Edi?”

Edith felt the air freeze in her lungs.

Steve stood on the other side of the table, face unreadable as his eyes darted between Edith and the direction the other girl went.

“S-steve-I-this is-” Edith swallowed, unsure. “I- what- what are you doing out here?”

“I came by the trailer to surprise you early for our date and Wayne said you were out here on a deal. I came to walk you back.”

“Did-how long were you standing there?”

Steve said nothing, continuing to stare at her.

Fuck.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-

Edith's breath hitched as her world fell apart.

He saw. He'd seen everything. He saw how she threatened some girl and held her at fucking knife point and now he was going to leave her and-

Lips crashed onto hers (when has Steve even moved-) and stole her breath away. Edith gasped, but quickly melted into the kiss, arms coming up to cling onto his shoulders.

Steve kissed her reverently, a single focused intensity that left Edith lightheaded. One arm around her waist, keeping her crushed against him as his other hand tangled in her unruly hair, almost afraid she would try to push away (as if Edith would her dream of doing that, not when he poured everything he was into her). She moaned, feeling Steve swell in his own pants. God, she could already feel it in her.

Gasping harshly, Edith had to pull away (Fuck the need to breathe, she though angrily), but Steve just moved onto her jaw. Nipping his way down to the spot he knew drove her wild, her knees threatened to buckle if Steve hold wasn't so strong. He gave her no chance of reprieve, sucking, licking, biting down-

“S-steve,” she stammered, pressing closer (not close enough, never close enough)

“I love you,” Steve whispered through a ragged breath into her curve of her neck. “I love you so fucking much Edith. Fuck-” He groaned out the last word, grinding against the heat between her legs. He leaned back up, chasing her lips as she pulled away, and let out a whine.

“Steve.” He tone made him pause, finally looking in her eyes. Confusion and weariness darkened her eyes. “I-you just saw me threaten a girl for-for-”

“For making me uncomfortable? For not taking 'no' for an answer and violating my personal space and boundaries when I've told her repeatedly to stop? For showing how much you love me? How much you'll do to actually keep me?” He growled the last words, giving her another dirty kiss. “God, Edith I-” Inhaling shakily, Steve squeezed his eyes shut. “I-I don't think I've ever been in love with anyone like I am with you. You... you make me feel like I'm actually worth something baby, like the things I say and do are interesting when almost everyone else has only ever made me feel stupid, lesser. No one's ever even fought for me, want me for me. You make me feel like...like I actually matter-”

“You do matter, Stevie.” Edith cupped his cheeks, making Steve open his eyes. They shun with unshed tears, though full of love. It made butterflies burst in Edith's belly. “You mean so fucking much to me. Fuck-you're my everything Steve Harrington. And nothing or no-one is ever going to change that. You. Are. It. For me baby, and all those people that ever made you feel any different are lucky I don't find them and-” She stopped, “well, You've seen what I would do.”

“Yeah,” Steve sighed airily, gaze softening into a look Edith had only ever seen directed at her. Full of devotion, as if she had the answers to everything Steve needed. It made Edith dizzy with the realization that Her Stevie's world revolved around her like hers did him.

“We need to go,” Steve said simply, picking up Edith into his arms and she let out a yelped “Steve!” he walked the worn path back to his car swiftly. “Need to get you back to my place baby. Need to show you how much you mean to me,” He whispered into her ear in a deep voice.

“Oh.” A shiver ran down Edith spine, settling into a ball of heat in the pit of her stomach. “w-well, sweetheart, better hurry before I decide to start off early.” She gave a dangerous smirk that Steve matched perfectly.

Edith knew she was possessive. Clingy. Jealous.

Crazy, if you asked most guys.

But. Her Stevie wouldn't have her any other way.

#steddie #stranger things #Lulu writes #might do a smutty chapter 2 not sure yet #fem!Eddie

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iamaslutforcoffee · 1 year

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Always watching

PART 1!

Thank you to @raecortes for this new idea for a one shot! This story i have in mind is way too good for a one shot, so it's going to be a 2 parter ♡

TW: STALKING, Mentions of past abuse, mentions of abuse from parent(s). (All that i can think of. Will add more TW's if I see any)

Please if any of the mentioned is triggering pass on reading this one! Your mental health means more than a quick read.

It started off innocent... cute, even.

It was at first him just watching her when he first moved into town. All eyes were on him, while his were on her. He figured what wasn't to like about her? She was beautiful, she was a sweet girl. Super nice to EVERYONE.. she is the type he would have loved to bring home to his mom to meet.

Then it moved on to him finally getting the courage to talk to her and that resulted in him walking her to and from class, driving her home..

When they started dating Billy got extremely protective. If anyone so much as walked past her without using their manners and excusing themselves, Billy was there and in their face.

His stalking tendencies got worse also, from the little small moments of checking in to now watching her every move and Rae didn't even know .

After awhile, though.. he started to get sloppy in his actions. He got way to comfortable and she was starting to notice that someone was watching her but she couldn't figure out who for the life of her.

"I don't know Nancy... I swear to god someone or something is legit watching me at all times. It's extremely unnerving! " Rae exclaimed, facing the small group of friends including Nancy, Steve, Johnathan, the newest to the group Robin and Sasha, Rae's cousin.

"Well, Rae you are an extremely attractive girl so you're going to be oogled" Sasha replied in place of Nancy.

"No, this is more than that. I have things starting to go missing.. little trinkets, personal items like my hair ties.. brushes.. panties. It's the oddest thing" Rae continued, smoothing out her dress.

Robin snorted, causing Sasha and Johnathan to start giggling and Robin joined. The three earned a lovely look of death from both Nancy and Steve.

"What? What's so funny?" Rae asked, looking at them.

"Well you have an extremely over protective boyfriend..it'd be extremely hard if not impossible to get anywhere near you let alone your underwear without Billy blowing up on them" Robin replied, wiping a now formed tear from her eye.

"Ok? And? It doesn't mean it can't be done!" She complained.

"Yeah but it doesn't mean that it can be either.." Johnathan mumbled, which to his disadvantage Rae side eyed him.

"It just.. it really freaks me out ok? Jason Carver used to do weird shit like that and im still pretty traumatized from it. You guys know that.." she spoke, going kind of silent after the mention of her ex, Jason.

Before Billy, there was Jason Carver. He's the captain of the Hawkins High basketball team, and also Rae's ex.

At first..Jason was amazing. He treated her like a queen.. but then he started getting angry, and angry at Rae for things she never had anything to do with and he'd take his anger out on her. It started when they lost a game and Rae tried cheering him up. He wasn't having any of it and started going off on her saying that she wasn't helping and she never tried to help him in a way that was truly beneficial to his team.

Then it got violent.. but Rae didn't like talking about that for obvious reasons.

"Billy isn't Jason, though...." Steve started.

"Obviously I'm not, shit bird." She heard from behind her. Instantly the hair raised on the back of her neck but in a good way. Despite his upfront personality and real charming way to piss people off, he made her feel safe.

"Ah, Billy. Didn't realize your hostile tendencies were because you think i resemble your kid sister" Steve replied, not amused with the situation at all.

~~~~

Wheww. Here's part one... who's ready for two?!

#stranger things #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove #billy hargrove smut stories #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargove x reader #billy stranger things

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thegoblinboy · 1 year

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I always forget that I shouldn’t give a shit about promoting something that I’m working my ass off on. That I should throw it in everybody’s face and glare as the yoke goes down there face 😡

Just kidding! Though I’m close to finishing up chapter two of ‘Bark At The Moon’ a little half way. And I decided why not post a little snippet from chapter 2. (Because im impatient and have control issues.)

Once again neither of them had been hiding their friendship at all, yet somehow Jason Carver was even more convinced that Chrissy had been cheating on him with Eddie. The guy was obtuse. Barely noticing that he was neglecting his relationship with such a wonderful human being, and seemingly being the only person at school who didn't pay attention to the gay rumors that have surrounded Eddie for years now. Sure, they were false. Well not fully. Like many things in life he even half assed being gay. Something that even shocked him.

"But I didn't even do anything Chris?" Eddie laughs softly. Turning his head to look at her shyly. Smiling gently as she gives him a bewildered look. Nearly stumbling over her feet in the process, blushing at the way Eddie's hand moves out and quickly helps her catch her balance. Smiling even more shy as he makes sure she's good before letting go. Ignoring the way her face goes a light pink.

A second passes before they both start to move again, Eddie's heart racing and face going a little red when he catches his Uncles eyes from the corner of his vision on them once again. He needed to ground himself, he was here to help search for Steve. Not trip over his feet for a cute girl who just got out of a relationship. That would be the most stupidest thing he has ever done, having a crush on somebody in a relationship is bad but liking someone who just got out of a relationship seeking for comfort? That might be worst. He felt like he was taking advantage of her, and he refused to do that. He didn't want to become some manipulative asshole.

"Well, I don't know. The fact that you knew more about my interests then my own boyfriend- well ex boyfriend. Was saying a whole lot about his character and very eye opening to me." Chrissy hums. Moving and walking again. Being more careful then what she had been. "And the fact that you went on a hour long rant over face time about how I deserved much better then him." She laughs gently. Eddies face only grows a bit more pink as he moves a hand shyly to move his curls in front of his face. In hopes to hide his facial expression. Though, there wasn't much hiding as he trips and falls on his hands and knees. Faintly hearing the laughter of his fellow teenagers behind him. He's flustered but what convinces him more that Chrissy is willing to be his friend, is the way she angrily turns on her heel and flips Jason and his small gang off. Silencing then, as Chrissy Cunningham never did such things.

Moving back, she bends down a little bit and helps Eddie up. Beaming as she giggles. "Happy to know I'm not the only clumsy one walking these woods." She jokes.

"Chrissy, you've literally been on top of a pyramid." Eddie snorts, not believing that she was clumsy at all.

"Yeah.. but that took a lot of practice. I don't know about you but I don't have much practice walking in these woods." She giggles, moving her smaller hands off from his forearms. Smiling as she starts to lead them forward once again.

"So...." Chrissy drags the word out gently, moving her feet and kicking stones around as they keep furthering their way into the woods.

"So?" Eddie snorts, looking at her with wonder. Biting his lip with a soft smile. Carefully fleeting his eyes from her back to the front of him. His eyes meeting Wayne's who was giving him a knowing look and a smirk. Causing him to mouth a silent 'fuck off' . He felt like some cringe eight year old dealing with his crush for the first time. This was all new to him, he's never had feelings for anyone before. Never had any desire about finding someone to have a relationship with, he was just Eddie and now he regrets not getting some experience. Maybe then if he had he wouldn't be literally tripping over his feet as much.

"Have you ever dated anyone before?" Chrissy asks curiously. Soft eyes looking at him, no looking through him as if she knows something he doesn't. A soft smile on her face, making her seem even more welcoming then before. Not judging as Eddie starts to cough a bit awkwardly, face a bright red as he shakes his head no in her direction. "Not even a guy?" She asks curiously. And oh god. Chrissy Cunningham believed all of the rumors that surrounded him. Of course, her morbid curiosity was putting him in a rough spot. He was uncomfortable and he's never had to have this discussion with anyone before. Not even Wayne knew about his secret fantasies about Pedro Pascal, and if he did he was hiding it very well.

"Chrissy, you can't just ask things like that." Eddie hisses. For the first time since being around her, his shoulders are tense. His eyes fleeting over to his Uncle, who most likely thinks he's having one of the most straightest experiences of his life. Then his head turns carefully behind him, watching the way Jason jumps around a bit. Not taking any of this as seriously as he should. Here Eddie walked, on his journey to find Steve Harrington and on that journey he was somehow coming out as Bisexual. How ironic. Considering the fact he had a tiny, little crush on him when they had been younger. Long forgotten now.

"Oh, are you not?" Chrissy's eyes furrow with concern. "I assumed that you were after you wrote a whole poem about Dean Winchesters chest." She whispers now. Catching onto trying to be low as possible.

Eddie rubs a hand over his face. Oh god he was going to die. He was willing to trip and crack his head open if it meant that he got out of this entire fucked up situation. Though there was something lurking inside of him that wanted to talk about this with someone. Of course, the whole conversation about Jenson Ackles "tits" had been had when he was completely high off his ass. Not thinking about what he was typing to Chrissy. Of course, a few other friends have received similar messages but it was something unsaid. Never to be brought up in front of anyone ever again. A stoned Eddie was a horny Eddie. Anxiety rose in his chest as he tosses a glance in his Uncles's way once again. Then sighing he gives in. Leans a little closer as he takes a shaky breathe.

"I do like guys, but I also like girls. And I would much rather leave my Uncle in the dark about that because there is no chance in a million years that I'm ever going to end up with a guy in the middle of bum fuck nowhere." Eddies voice cracks a little as he rambles close to the other. Wanting, no needing this conversation to be private as possible. "So-" he drags out the word that started this conversation awkwardly.

Chrissy smiles as she moves her hand down and carefully squeezes his hand into hers. Making his heart race as he quickly decides to add. "That and you can't just ask someone that out of nowhere? That's like... outing or something." His voice cracks more as he doesn't look up from the ground. Ears pink as well as he keeps walking forward. Not even sure where they were going, definitely not towards Steve Harrington. That was for sure.

"I'm so sorry. I thought we had this conversation over text message already. If I had known I wouldn't have just blurted it out like that. I know what it's like you know?" She says softly. Causing Eddie's head to poke up with interest. He's tempted to be bitter, tempted to say a snarky "how does the queen know? Do tell" instead he doesn't say that and just stays silent as he decides to listen. He wasn't good at good at reading signs, but this felt like a very keep your mouth shut situation.

"I think I might like both as well." Chrissy's soft voice cracks a little. Looking ahead, not meeting Eddie's eyes. "Though I think I have a preference for girls." She says gently. Eddies heart is conflicted. Here, there stood someone who was like him and that made him so happy. But there was another part, sad at the realization that the chances of being with her were remotely slim. He doesn't say anything, lets the information sink in. He squeezes her hand gently as he smiles painfully. Off to his left he sees his uncle smiling over at them. Probably assuming that they just confessed their love for each other, instead of coming out.

The situation was strong, emotional and overwhelming. But Eddie knew that Chrissy Cunningham was going to be his best friend in the entire world. No matter what he felt towards her.

Link to the first chapter

Chapter 2 should be up very soon :) I’m excited to share it lol.

#werewolf steve harrington #steddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve x eddie #steve harrington #bxb #steveharrington #steveddie #eddie stranger things #steve and eddie #bisexual eddie munson #chrissy cunningham #both are bi #Eddie gets friendzoned #sorry pal #platonic Eddie Munson and Chrissy Cunningham #they are looking for steve harrington as they speak

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nick-1432 · 4 years

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JACOB X HUMAN READER IMAGINE

REQUESTED BY : @be-patient-be-good since your doing Twilight can I get a Jacob x reader where shes dating Jacob but gets jealous of Bella when she arrives to Forks pls

You moved to forks four years ago with your parents. It was the best thing that happened to you cuz this is where you met your boyfriend Jacob black. You and Jacob have been dating for almost two years now before that you were best friends , he was your first friend in Forks, you had first met him at Carver’s cafe where he accidentally dropped his coke on you. That was your first meeting with him . He felt bad about it and apologized and asked you to allow him to make it up to you by buying you a new t-shirt and showing you around. You agreed , i mean honestly can you resist the raven haired, brown eyed handsome.😜 He showed you around and after that you guys became good friends , even though you went to different schools you still kept in contact and you had developed feelings for Jacob 6 months after.

But you were afraid that he didn’t feel the same way so you said nothing . What you didn’t know was that Jacob had imprinted on you and he fell for you the moment he met you. You didn’t know that he was a werewolf but one night he came to your room and told you all about himself and that he had imprinted on you . You didn’t say anything as you were shocked at first but eventually came to terms with the fact that your best friend and your crush was a werewolf and that you were kinda his soulmate👀.But Jacob thought he had scared you and was about to go when you suddenly took his face in your hands and kissed him , he was stunned at first but after registering what is happening he kissed you back . And that’s how you became his girlfriend .

You supported him through thick and thin and when the Cullens came to town ,you became best friends with Alice and Edward , even Rosalie liked you.One day you and Alice were hanging out at your place when suddenly Jacob came there and he told you stay away from the Cullens which was shocking as he never said anything about your friends. That’s how you came to know that Alice and Jacob are sworn enemies as Alice and her family are vampires. But for your sake Jake and The Cullens tried to co-exist as you were not ready to loose either of the two. Billy adored you cuz you motivated Jacob to be a better person and he was happy that his little boy had found such an amazing girl. The pack loved you as you kept them in check and made delicious food. You were closest to Seth and Leah , though at first Leah didn’t like you as she thought you were not good enough for Jacob but as she got to know you ,she saw how much you loved Jacob , so she approved you , but you two got even more close after you helped her through the whole Sam and Emily thing , you took care of her and made her believe that she will find her soulmate soon. since Jacob was the alpha so the whole pack called you the mate , you didn’t understood what they meant and when you asked Jacob about it, you were left flustered when Jacob told you that the alpha’s mate carries the next alpha, you and Jacob had never done anything beyond kisses and some intense make outs😜😍 . Everything was going great . You were a straight A student in school, you were loved by your family and they approved of yours and Jacob’s relationship. Not to forget you had an amazing and loving boyfriend who was an alpha werewolf 😉and your best friends were vampires.

You were happy but your happiness was gone when ISABELLA SWAN came to town , she was the daughter of Police Chief Charlie Swan. she had moved here from phoenix, she had pale skin and long brown hair and beautiful brown eyes.Everyone was intrigued by this new girl who joined your high school mid session. Jacob told you that she was his childhood best friend and he was very excited to meet her after 12 years . So he dragged you with him to meet his childhood best friend , you were happy to meet her and had thought that you two can become great friends but you were wrong!

Since you two were going to be in the same class so Jake thought that you’d be the best person to show her around and you happily obliged. You picked Bella from her home on the first day of school and helped her get to class and introduced her to your friends . You noticed that Edward was attracted to Bella , so you even helped those two get together and everything was going fine until the day James attacked Bella and Edward and the Cullens left town thinking it’s the best way to keep Bella safe. You were sad as you had lost your best friends, though Alice kept contact with you but Edward left without even saying goodbye, you had decided that if ever Edward decided to come back you are gonna kill him 👀. This affected Bella the most as she was devastated and heartbroken and Jake had found her in the middle of the woods. Bella was depressed and Charlie was worried for his little girl so he asked you and Jake to help Bella , and being the good person that you are, you happily obliged . You and Jake did everything to uplift Bella ‘s mood. You two started spending all your free time with her as a result you and Jacob got almost no time together but you were okay with it cuz Bella needed you . You understood her pain . With time Bella got better and she started going out , you couldn’t help but notice that she was trying to get close to Jake and first you thought you were overthinking as they are childhood friends and Bella knows that Jake’s with you .

But one day when you , Jake , Bella and the whole pack were hanging out at La push , you were cuddled up against Jake , happy to find a moment alone with him when suddenly Bella came to Jacob and asked him to go for a walk with him,you offered all three of you can go but she insisted on going alone with Jake, before Jake could respond she pulled him up and took him with her, you found that very odd and decided to ignore it . But after that incident at la Push , Bella kept pulling up such stunts like when she was supposed to hang out with you , she’d bail and then her frequents visits to Sam’s house , she even started hanging out with the pack more. You tried your best not to give it much thought but Jacob was spending more time with Bella , you two almost never hung out anymore cuz whenever you made a plan , Bella needed Jacob . So you got no time with Jacob , you hadn’t kissed him , hadn’t felt his touch , you were frustrated and mad..

This went on for a few weeks but what really made you loose your temper was on your dad’s promotion when Jacob was supposed to come to your home for a dinner with your family, Bella also tagged along , you were beyond mad and though you didn’t say anything at the dinner cuz you didn’t want to ruin your dad’s day . You were more jealous than being mad , you were jealous that your boyfriend who called you his soulmate was giving all his attention to the whore who was trying to steal him from you. While you were taking out the dessert from the fridge you felt a pair of arms holding you from behind, you knew it was jacob but you pushed him away and told him to let you do your work. Jacob found it very odd cuz he had missed you! as much as you had missed him probably even more , and he was not naive he knew something was bothering you and he also noticed the death glare you were giving him and Bella when you thought he wasn’t looking. He decided to ask you about it later. Dinner ended and everybody left except Jacob and Bella cuz Jake was supposed to drop her home.

Jake came to kiss you goodnight but you turned your head away saying you were too tired . He left without saying a word..And you went into your room and went to get ready for bed , you were about to fall asleep when suddenly your phone rang , Jake was calling you but you were in no mood to pick up so you switched off your phone and tried to go back to sleep but your mind kept wandering off to him and Bella , you decided since Jake doesn’t have time for you so , you would ignore him . The next day you had no school as winter break had started and you woke up and switched on your phone , you had 18 missed calls and 24 voice messages and 34 text messages from Jacob , you ignored all of them and went downstairs to have breakfast.You went to La Push beach afterwards and you were lying on the sand enjoying the sun when suddenly you sunlight was blocked and you looked up to see JACOB BLACK , the last person you wanted to see hovering over you. You huffed in annoyance and quickly grabbed your stuff and tried to leave but Jake blocked you , you stood there looking everywhere but in his direction. He asked you what’s wrong ? and you snapped , You said why do you care? Don’t you have to go save your damsel in distress? . He was shocked at first but then realized you were talking about Bella , he said she’s not my damsel in distress , she is my best friend and i am just trying to help her. You shouted at him and said that you are not dumb , you can clearly see that she’s not just his best friend . He was confused and asked what do you mean ? you told him that can’t he see what Bella is trying to do? , she stole him from you . At this point tears were streaming down your eyes and you told Jacob that you love him and it hurts to see that he doesn’t feel the same way , you even said that the whole him imprinting on you thing was a lie . and that you’re pretty sure he loves Bella . You turned around to leave but before you could leave you felt Jake smashing his lips into yours. You kissed him back

The kiss was full of passion and it felt magical to feel his lips on yours. You pulled away panting and Jacob took your face in his hands and looked at you in the eye and said : I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU Y/N . YOU HAVE MY HEART AND I AM SORRY WE COULDN’T SPEND TIME TOGETHER BUT I PROMISE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU! You pulled him in for another kiss and after pulling away you apologized for letting jealousy get the best of you , he said he has eyes only for you and that he was well aware of Bella’s advances but he was only helping her because of charlie’s and billy’s friendship.

You two decided to spend the rest of the day at your house cuddling and making up for lost time . you fell asleep on him knowing that you were the luckiest girl in the world.

A/N : FINALLY!!!!! MY FIRST EVER IMAGINE IS COMPLETED ! I HOPE YOU’LL LIKE IT AND DO TELL HOW WAS IT ?

#jacobxfemalereader #twilight #werewolf #first imagine #taylor lautner #edward cullen #jacob black #jealousyisugly #bella #forks #team jacob

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thedarkangelpuppet · 4 years

Text

Fanfic Recommendation (Demon ships)

Before reading always check the tags!

things that say NSFW are purley smut while the others may still contain NSFW content soo beware.

Poetree:

Emperor´s New Clothes by @iprincezzinuyoukai

Apocalypse time!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638564/chapters/23536941

Changing Tides by prismaticore

-kiss the tree-

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3825652

The River of Love by Trichitillo

Flower crowns! and sadness

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8472223

The Music of the Night ( its even more special since its a gift to me and a few other shippers ahhh) by @iprincezzinuyoukai

Wirt is going to get married but the god in the woods is captivating

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9058978

This is Gospel. by autumnlibrarian

Phantom of the Opera AU!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9067807

Helplessly in Love by CherryBerry4321

Lantern Bearer Wirt ! Also love the ending.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14835768/chapters/34360910#workskin

April Showers Bring May Flowers by @iprincezzinuyoukai

100 % yes. Hanahaki Disease and Poetree mix well okay

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15859212

Stomco :

The Silver Bell Ball by boredomsMuse

The trio dancing together.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20188126

Blanket thief by planetundersiege

Stomco cuddles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19392496

a chaotic sharpie group chat by planetundersiege

soulmate Au featuring skin messages.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20802302

Monster Carvers by Raikim4Never

An Au following a Monster raised Star

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18336047/chapters/43407251

Movie Day by MercyGrim96:

its in the title thats the plot..

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4849610

Three is a Good Number by planetundersiege

kisses? Kisses!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13935810

Dance for three by Yevynaea

The bloodmoon ball except they all dance together.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4456259

Billdip: (im trying to find my favourites soo it won´t be such a long list)

Of triangles and Betrayal an AU by @grimalkinmessor

Its the show except Bill is pretending to be a teen and is best friends with Dipper. Its super cute and needs to update... I reread this one way too many times

https://www.wattpad.com/story/85370812-of-triangles-and-betrayal

A Stoke of Midnight by Origami_Breath

Bill is trying to propose to Dipper but the local wildlife is ruining his plan

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12651126

Trustworthy AU by neyla9

takes place after Gideon rises ...its cute

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5145095/chapters/11843534

Greedy Eyes (NSFW) by CrimsonShades

A One shot about the fact that Bill is always watching

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3308210

Ad Astra Per Aspera by Origami_Breath

Dipper realizes he can´t go back not without Bill

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12651069

A Deals a Deal

Bill tricks Dipper into being engaged. Dipper wants nothing to do with him

https://archiveofourown.org/works/2288243/chapters/5030453

Shaping Up (NSFW) by Grotesque (Grotesque_Flower)

Bill turns dipper into a shape they have some fun.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7316401

Trigonometry´s for Sinners (Sorta NSFW) by MindscapeWish

Dipper wants to do homework but learns about Bill instead.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15797556/chapters/36763794

Behind the Eyes by ChaoticMind (ChloeCasey)

Most of the town is in a cult workshipping Cipher. Mabel tries to stop them. Meanwhile Ford and Dipper are working with Bill

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10445634/chapters/23059641

Pick and Choose by moneyofthemind

I adore Fanfics that actually use Bill in his natural form

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5194088

Always Watching by BurnerAccount

Bill has a crush on Dipper. Mabel helps!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3623070/chapters/7998927

Burning up by Twirling_Cones

Bill go to gift are deer teeth, Dipper doesn´t like them

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14090442

And a Coffee for the Demon, Please. by ffvside

Bill hiding in Dippers Scarf.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11157870

Crossover fics (Tomco/Poetree/BilldIp):

The Sun,The Twilight,The Moon by DeadlyMidnightshade

Tom, Beast and Bill are Gods..Marco,Wirt and Dipper are sacrfices:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20046748

Human Boyfriend 101 by @yourbootyisyou

It may not going to be continued but its definantly worth a read anyways!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768383/chapters/20099251

Don´t trick Demons (NSFW)

Sleepovers!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13672551/chapters/31407060

The law of Gravity by ThisBirdWithoutACage

Soo the best Poetree Billdip fic because it inspired other fics!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5422682/chapters/12529193

#tomstarco #startomco #stomco #Starco #Tomco #Tomstar #billdip #Poetree #fanfiction #recommandations #demon x human #otgw #Over the Garden Wall #gravity falls #starvstheforcesofevil #svtfoe

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pizzarollpatrol · 6 years

Text

Fic Rec List #2 10/28/18

If any of the links don’t work, please let me know!. Just wanted to say thank you to all the authors on this list. You and all the effort you put into your fics are very much appreciated 💖

Kiss of Life by @sincerelymlg

Summary: Bucky and the reader go on a mission that quickly takes a turn for the worst.

Flustered by @notimetoblog

Summary: It’s easy to see when Bucky is flustered. His mannerisms are beyond adorable but they might be hiding something more. --- I’m such a hoe for soft!bucky. I loved this fic, its so sweet and endearing.

Quick Stories by @notimetoblog

Summary: Waking up early with Bucky is not always so bad. Bucky x reader.

Marry Me by @buckymorelikefuckmebarnes

Summary: Wedding day. (thats a shitty summary im so sorry) --- You thought this fics was shit but HA you are so wrong because it broke me :) Bucky x Reader

Death Do Us Part by @sgtjbuccky

Summary: For centuries, the God of Death had known two things about mortals. One, they were his job, his to collect when their days came to an end, and two, they were obnoxiously odd beings. Their purpose ceased to make sense to him. Never did he understand thy they created a life for themselves, why they loved, why they love other morals when they knew none of it would last forever. It was nothing but sheer stupidity, but that was until he met you. A mortal unlike any other. A mortal that would make him question everything. A mortal that would teach the God of Death how to live. God of Death!Bucky x Mortal!Reader. Ongoing series --- Wow. Where do I even begin? I absolutely love this series, its so different from others that I’ve read. I loved every chapter.

A Supernatural Marvel by @angelkurenai

Summary: Imagine being transported in the Supernatural universe, with no memory of your life, where you become a hunter and fall in love with Dean. Only for a very important person from your past to come looking for you and change it all. Dean Winchester x Reader, Steve Rodgers x Reader. Ongoing series. --- This is one of my current favorite series!! You really know how to keep us on our toes, I love it!!

Take Me Higher by @buckychrist

Summary: Who knew that the way into the big broody super soldier’s heart was through his unmet need for a good cuddle? Bucky x Reader. --- If a fic has a cuddly bucky, sign me the fuck up. I loved this, its so sweet.

Educating Bucky by @buckfics

Virgin 1930′s Bucky x Reader. Smut. --- Holy fuck. This has got to be my absolute favorite smut I’ve literally ever read. I get so happy when it pops up on my dash again. There isn't a damn thing I dont love about this fic. Its so sweet and believable and I just cant stop myself from reading it.

Sincerely, Me by @buckitybarnes

Summary: Bucky Barnes is a quiet fellow when it comes to socializing with you. After one mishap, however, he finds a way to communicate his feelings without speaking so much. You’ve soon come to learn not every relationship has to be verbal to be important. Bucky x Reader. Completed series.

A Week in Boston by @blacktithe7

Summary: It was your first vacation in years. Just one week all by yourself in the big city of Boston. No rules. No expectations. Just a list of places to go and things you wanted to see. That all changed the you run into a certain blue-eyed Boston boy who turned your world upside down. Is it really possible to fall in love with someone in just one week? Or is that kind of love just a fairytale? Chris Evens x Reader. Ongoing series.

Stubborn Love by @barnesrogersvstheworld

Prompt: You cant live your life based on “what-ifs”. Steve Roders x Reader. --- This was so intense, I loved every word.

Date Night by @jaamesbbarnes

Summary: Heavily pregnant but very tired, you still insist to go out for your usual date night with your boyfriend. Chris Beck x Reader. --- This is one of the sweetest fics I ever read. I’ve never heard of “stardust” being used as a pet name and I swear my heart exploded when I read it.

Body Guard by @oliverwxod

Summary: Tony Stark is a very rich man and with that came a lot of enemies. After a tragic event Tony decides himself and the people most important to him, especially his daughter, are in danger. He hires personal body guards. Bucky Barnes is assigned to Y/n Stark, the most troublesome, reckless Stark that there is. Bucky x Reader. Body guard!AU. Ongoing series.--- Absolutely loved this series! So many twists and turns!

40 Days by @abaddonwithyall

Summary: Dean and you are already in an established relationship when he tempts you to give up orgasms for Lent. The only catch? Anyone and Everyone is open to trying to get you off. Let the games begin. Dean x Reader. Eventual Sam x reader, Castiel x reader, Gabriel x reader, Crowley x reader, Charlie x reader, Bela x reader, John x reader, Gadreel x reader, Lucifer x reader, Rowena x reader, Benny x reader, Jo x reader etc. Smut. Uncompleted series. (its from 2016, only the last two parts are missing but its all good) --- This is pure filth and its amazing.

Starved by @theonewiththefanfics

Summary: The Reader is a touchy-feely kind of a person and when she joins the Avengers nothing changes. Apart from the fact that Bucky Barnes is so touch starved, he craves for the soft feel of her skin against his and is over the moon when she treats him the same way she treats everybody else. Yet now day she simply stops, and he doesn't know why. Bucky x reader. Smut

You Aren't My Father by @winchesters-favorite-girl

Summary: When Sam shuts the gates of hell, Dean promised that he would take care of Sam’s little girl. However, things didn't go the way anybody suspected. After Dean settles into his apple pie life, he drifts away from his niece, who decided to take her future into her own hands. Uncle!Dean x Niece!Reader. Angst. Completed series. --- Holy crap. This is one of the best fics I've read, I read this series a long, long time ago and I’m still thinking about it.

My Turn by @sis-tafics

Summary: You and Dean are blowing off some steam. Dean x reader. Smut.

Afraid of the Flame by @thosekidswhohuntmonsters

Summary: Bucky learns from a surprising friend that you shouldn't live a life of things unsaid. Bucky x reader.

It’s My Favorite Movie by @notnaturalanahi

Summary: Classice movie challenge. Movie prompt: “Are you not entertained?” Gladiator - 2000. Sam Winchester x reader. Smut

The Pumpkin Carver by @softlybarnes

Summary: Bucky and Y/N prepare for Halloween, when Bucky realizes something. Bucky x reader. --- I love The Florist and The Beekeeper so much, I was so happy to see you wrote another part. I loved it.

Watching by @mrsjohnsmith

Summary: Dean likes to watch. Sam x reader x Voyeur!Dean. Smut

Stepping Sideways by @siren-kitten-his

Summary: She steps sideways between worlds just watching those that live there...until Jefferson catches her eye. Jefferson (OUAT) x Fae!OC Mae. Smut. --- This is the first ever Jefferson fic I’ve read and i loved it!!

Ride by @wayward-and-worn

Summary: Sam and Y/N are in an established relationship. The milestones that had to cross to get this far go without saying. She's never been on top. Sam Winchester x Plus!Reader. Smut

All that Glitters by @moonbeambucky

Summary: Natasha found a sneaky way to get you to reveal your secret relationship. Bucky x reader. Smut. --- I LOVED this, its so clever and hilarious.

The Unimaginable by @moonbeambucky

Summary: As Bucky’s wife and mother of his child, you always worried for him when he was on a mission. This last mission will change your life forever. Bucky x reader. Angst. --- When i read the summary, I thought I had an idea about what was going to happen but it was so much worse. There were so many tears.

My Love, by @emilyevanston

Summary: Steve writes you a letter every time he goes on a mission. They usually arrive after he gets back. Steve x reader.

The Fiancé by @mycapt-ohcapt

Summary: Life takes an unexpected twist when you and Steve Rogers have to pretend to be engaged to cover up your little white lie. Steve x reader. Fake dating!AU. Completed mini series.

I Can’t Swim by @revengingbarnes

Summary: The reader pretends to drown to grab the attention of the hot lifeguard who looks after the beach. Lies don’t last long though, and eventually it backfires. Lifeguard!Bucky x reader. --- I LOVED this, its so cute and sweet. I had this goofy ass smile on my face the whole time I read it.

Sound by @bucky-barfs

Summary: You and Steve have been pining after each other for a while. Both to afraid to make a more, that is until you're stuck in a limo in heavy traffic. Steve x reader. Smut.

Crowded Places by @papi-chulo-bucky

Summary: You have a hard time warming up to Bucky, who constantly rejects you. But one day after his Winter Soldier mode is triggered, it seems there’s more to his brooding and stand off demeanor than he let’s on. Bucky x Reader/Winter Soldier x reader. --- I loved this!!! I’ve never read one like this and it turned out so sweet and weirdly endearing.

Memories and Music by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Summary: When you follow the sound of beautiful music, you find Bucky Barnes in front of the piano, and wonder if your heart might break just a little. Bucky x reader.

Three Shades of a Man by @bitsandbobsandstuff

Summary: It was different every time, what Bucky needed from you to survive himself. It was in these moments you saw the shades behind the mask he work in front of the world. Bucky x reader. Smut. Completed mini series. --- The first chapter was so intense and such a difference compared to chapel three, which I absolutely loved. It was so sweet and relieving to see their relationship like that after reading the first two chapters. I loved it.

Trepidation by @cumonbucky

Summary: Everything your world was right until Bucky’s ex girlfriend came along. Bucky x reader. Completed mini series. --- This was so good, I just had to add it to the list so we can all share a mutual annoyance at how stupid Bucky was in this fic. Like is he really that clueless or is he just that stupid??? Homegirl should of had a smack down with Dot but either way I absolutely loved this fic!

2K notes · View notes

aimeetiggzx-blog · 5 years

Text

I Used to Think My Abusive Relationship Was My Fault. Now I Know I’m worth more.

I have spent most of my teenage years in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Until a almost a year ago, I thought I was the worst kind of damaged goods, a girl who could only love men who hurt her I means that’s been my past since I was 15. 5 years now! I didn't want to talk about my experiences at first because I thought that my kind of pain was self-inflicted. If I was stupid enough to stay, I deserved it,

I know there are three sides to every story. In this article, you're going to hear one and that’s mine - Aimee Carver. I don't write this with venom. The men I've been involved with were handsome, smart, charming and talented. There were good times. The bad times outweighed them.

Most people don't know I've been in (to clarify again) emotionally abusive relationships. From the outside, I'd bet my life looks pretty great. Some parts of it always were. I guess I am proof that there is no likely candidate for abuse.

For a long time, I found my romantic past, when the hits started happening I started dreaming of all my ex-boyfriends again.

Trauma is a funny thing. It hides in the shadowy corners of your mind, resurfacing when all you want is for it to be erased from your memory forever.

I'm writing this for a lot of reasons. Some of them are:

I think abusive relationships are an epidemic in our society. It could help someone understand their friend, their sister, their daughter who keeps going back. It could help someone who keeps going back. Because articles like this helped me. Because what trauma really wants is a voice. To anyone who needs help, You think you are crazy. You're anxious all the time. Your heart beats quickly. You have a lot of questions for your boyfriend at the time that you don't feel like you can ask. You wonder if you're always being lied to. You spend a lot time in the past, likely when you first fell in love him. You apologize constantly two your new lover, When you explain your fights to anyone who will listen, no one understands why you're apologizing. You are always confused. You're high as a fucking kite when he's nice to you. He says "one small thing," and with an embarrassing clarity, you are reminded of all the parts of yourself you hate. How can he see those parts so clearly? You cry a lot, you hide a lot. Sometimes you know why. Sometimes you don't.

You are not crazy even if you think your going insane your not.

When you're with your boyfriend in my case my ex you're usually with just him alone. You feel weird around your friends and family, the people you used to feel the most yourself and safest around. You can't remember how to feel like yourself anymore. Now, being in your own skin is like a long dull headache that won't lift and then that slowly feels like normal. Pretty much all your thoughts about yourself are negative.

"I used to be funny, why aren't I funny anymore?"

You think you are crazy.

“Why ain’t I perfect”

“Why ain’t I skinny”

“Jumping over a hug”

There will be good days with your boyfriend. There will be miraculous days of exquisite and suffering beauty between you two.

The sad truth - On these days, you will feel better than the best and like everything's okay. You will believe that the chaos has made you stronger; that he loves you more than anything. These days are bright spots in the darkness that has descended upon you. They are the moments of hope that you'll cling to, your proof that everything is okay, until one wrong word is said and your in hospital due to his harsh actions.But at that time moments aren't a life. Moments aren't enough. You deserve weeks, months and years of feeling like everything is okay. You deserve a lifetime of that.When your relationship ends like mine did, you will drown in the confusing, competing narratives in your head, just like you did while in the relationship. Memory is going to be a weird thing for you for a while. Grief is a delusional state.

We really loved each other (so you thought) I could've helped him if I'd tried harder (but you tried and failed) I'm not perfect. And sometimes, I don't think love should feel like this.

The latter will be quieter, the former will roar inside you. Some days, you will think you left the most beautiful relationship and the truest love in the whole world. Some days you will think you are just hysterical and crazy and that you weren't being abused at all. Until very recently, I still had days like that. After you break up with him, you might not feel an immediate sense of relief, empowerment or really anything that resembles "I know this is the right thing." You will likely feel very alone. Unfortunately, coming out of the fog with your eyes open is more painful than slipping into one without noticing.

But just always remember: feelings aren't the truth. You aren't the worst off you've ever been. Expect the sadness. It sounds crazy but welcome it. That sadness is going to live in you for a long time and it will teach you a lot. I know you don't believe me, but that sadness is your friend. That sadness is your becoming.

Not everyone you lose is a loss.

Tell your story no matter how murky the details seem at first. Keep talking. Read every article you can find on abuse until you feel an intellectual understanding of what happened tunnel into you emotionally. The head will come first, your heart will follow; it will all become clearer.

If you're lucky like I was, you'll find a therapist that can help you. And now I’m in a healthy, beautiful, loving relationship with my boyfriend Louis. It’s early stages but it’s the best kind of love feeling ever. He taught me what love is like, he taught me care but most of all he taught me to be myself again and for that im greatful every single day to you!

Don’t get me wrong you will have to reflect on your past relationship. Don't blame yourself for not leaving sooner, and don't let anyone else blame you, either. In moments of trauma and shock the brain has a funny way of protecting itself. It's called disassociating. You have done a lot of this. You will remember about three months in your ex-boyfriend did something and it was like a mask was lifted. He showed you a person you had never met before. I mention this because statistically an abusive person will do something that throws you completely off balance within the first three months. Then, they will be really sorry.

You will come to learn that real love is not a cycle of cruelty, effusive apologies, a honey-moon period, then a dreaded waiting for the other shoe to drop followed by more cruelty. Abusive relationships are defined by this pattern. When you do leave, you will realize that the space that your relationship took up was enormous. It was, whether you knew it or not, the monkey on the back of every thought you had. When it's gone, the emptiness left in its wake will feel like an ocean around you

It will take way longer than you want to "get over it," and you will think you will never reach the shore.

You will. When I was newly single and going on dates, this is how it went. First, I dated blindly and way more than I should have. I was attracted to guys who were like all my ex-boyfriends, physically and emotionally. Then, I started dating people who were completely different but whom I was not ready to love. Like a teacher, I observed how they treated me with a confusing detachment and thought, "Oh, so this is what it should be like."

"So, this is what kindness is like."

Dating made me feel like the loneliest person in the world for a long time. I wish now I hadn't done it at all, but withdrawal is painful and uncomfortable. I was willing to try anything to feel just a little better. But trust me just like me your king will find his way to you and it will be a little weird at first but that weirdness goes and it will become the most perfect thing in your life.

But in every process till you are full over it You will miss your ex boyfriend in a way you didn't know was possible and you don't think should be allowed. You will want to get back together. Abusive relationships fuck your brain chemistry up. They're addictive, and the withdrawal is not fun.

Don't worry tho baby girl.. with time, your brain will even out. In awhile, you won't want to be with him anymore. Crying helps you detox, so do a lot of it( I still cry alone due to all the horrible flashbacks and memories) you just have to find someone who’s willing to understand and help you over come them not make them worse. So does sleeping, exercise, therapy, eating healthy, seeing your friends and laughing.

For me, alcohol didn't really help I broke down every time trying to kill myself due to the fact of feeling so dirty and broken Or I guess, it did, until it didn't.

When you're in the withdrawal phase, you'll begin to understand why you thought being in an abusive relationship was okay for you. You're going to have to look at a lot of your past and your inherited patterns it’s best to do that alone.. It can get heavy but knuckle through it. You can do it. I’m proof that it can be done.

You will tell people that know your ex-boyfriend about what happened and how he treated you. Likely, no one will be surprised by his behaviour. Likely, no one will confront him. This is one of the saddest parts of our world. You will feel like the last one in on a sick joke.

Your ex-boyfriend will probably never apologize to you. If you do hear from him or see him, he will make you feel crazy. He's really good at that (like sending pics of him and his new girlfriend kissing) He will likely minimize your history, dismiss your relationship and pull the rug out from under you again. The way he frames you and your relationship will be distorted.

I believe that amends can happen, but usually, not in a timely manner. Like you need time to really unpack and understand why it all happened, so will he. Now factor into this that you have the desire to understand yourself and your behaviour. The closure you desire is a myth and it's not reachable in one conversation. Closure happens slowly and keeps happening. You'll give it to yourself.

If you leave your boyfriend for someone else, beware. Until you truly understand why you were in the situation you were, emotionally and intellectually, your subconscious will have a sad way of attracting an identical relationship that looks completely different from the outside. This is not always true.

At first, when the fog is lifting, you will look at your past self with shock and disgust. Then, later, you will look at your past self with sadness. Then, with understanding. Finally, you feel the most visceral pride for the moment you left, even if you didn't want to because you did that on the blind faith that life might be better on the other side. You did that on hope alone. You didn't know what you do now. That's so brave.

“You are so brave”- the only words I need to hear yet waiting for it.

I know how scared you are. I still get scared. My years of all the recovery has been the most challenging and rewarding of my life. It's not perfect and I don't think it ever will be. I get lonely and restless. I live with those feelings. Actually, I try to understand them. One day, your life will look like a version of mine. Things will keep getting better and better, faster and faster. Good things will keep finding you. You will be really happy. That happiness will get so big that you won't notice how the sadness is lifting until it's almost gone.

My life is full of hard work, art, friends who love and support me, friends that I am lucky to know. I have more energy than I know what to do with. I am the most productive I have ever been. I sing, I dance, I have meaningful conversation, I rest, I laugh a lot, I stay out too late. I am closer to my family than ever before. I found my way back to my old friends.

Maybe I'm becoming myself again.

Finally, (I know you're worried about this) you will meet someone else. You will fall in love again and this time, it will be about more than your wounds matching up with someone else's. It will be different and it will be better(I’m proof of that too my new boyfriend is my world for all the good reasons) But something becomes more important to you than romantic love and it's called self-worth. It will feel like it happens almost over night, but you will grow to love the person you are.

You should.

You fought hard to become her.

So love her.

Love Tiggz

AimeeCarver

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