#can't believe people lack the basic empathy.

[paperlovesadness]

Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin

I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.

#I really have no words for people who lack the basic minimum amounts of sympathy and understanding #and YES IT'S POSSIBLE HIS SYMPTOMS CLEARED UP IN JUST 4 DAYS #am I worried they didn't completely? yes. but they might have. and either way they're Definitely A LOT better after him resting #taking care of himself. possibly getting some meds prescribed. hydrating. not talking. sleeping #What did they want him to do. go out and mime the songs for them? #go up and barely utter some words through the hoarseness - make things worse and call of yhe next month if shows instead? #risk getting actual chronic laryngitis? risk his whole career? #the hell is wrong with people #you've got no idea how scared I was & am for my show that's coming up too. It's like extremely meaningful and important to me #the vision of going helped me through some tougher times #but you know what I'm also scared of? #of one of my favorite artist's getting seriously hurt. #of him beating himself up for disappointing people when there's nothing he can do about it. #can't believe people lack the basic empathy. #i get being disappointed. Sad. Furious even. #be furious with a god if you've got one or the universe or bacteria or the very idea of voice boxes being suspectable to strain #not with the man who's just as frustrated with the situation as you are #AHHHH #(i unfolded the knife safely in the tags. folding it back up) #(I see the typos & I hate em & I'm mad but I won't be doing anything about it. I'm sorry) #// #my posts

[brain-rot-central]

I might be in the minority here, but let me cook for a minute.

If you break up with Ascended Astarion (refuse his offer to turn you into a spawn), he approaches you a couple days later and will go into this whole mantra about how he would have abused your love, you made a mistake, etc. Basically trying to convince you that he's not the least bit upset about it, and that he's doing you the favor of seeing to destroying the brain. He also asks if you could work together as partners during this, as well.

This is a hot take on this but...

Astarion is lying through his fucking teeth in this scene. Receipts below the cut.

During the sex scene with Ascended Astarion, you get a Wisdom check where you can look into his thoughts. If you pass this Wisdom check, it's revealed to you that Astarion essentially thinks very highly of you, as he would believe you'd be degrading yourself if you choose to become his spawn. He knows it's wrong of him to put you in this position, but at that point in time he's so incredibly infatuated with the new powers he's been given, as well as finally having his insatiable craving for blood lifted for the first time in 200 years. He's absolutely drunk on power and it's heavily clouding his judgement.

If you face Cazador without Astarion, there's a skill check you can pass when he's in his coffin recovering where you can also look into Cazador's thoughts. Essentially, Cazador's inner monologue does not match who he is on the outside. He's essentially trapped in his own body and mind, and basically wishes for death. He hates how much of a hold blood and power has over him; he wants it all to end. He hates who he has become.

In the D&D lore, true vampires are soul-less beasts. They become driven by blood lust and a desire to turn the whole world under their command. They lack the ability to harbor empathy or other emotions, especially love. BG3 introduces the Vampire Ascendent into the D&D lore; they basically regain multiple aspects of their humanity while still keeping the powers of a true vampire. They can still drink blood and turn people into thralls/spawn, but they no longer require blood to survive, are able to walk in the sun, enter homes uninvited, walk through running water, etc. You're basically a living vampire, but still immortal.

Given that Astarion becomes the Vampire Ascendent, his brain is not clouded by a need to consume blood. He doesn't have that pit in his stomach that drove every other vampire that came before him. He's being blinded by power. He has the ability to think rationally. When you refuse his offer to bend to his will, he becomes incredibly, incredibly hurt. He says the biggest crimes known to man are committed in the name of "love." If you call him a hypocrite, he shrinks back into his insecurities and states that your character's "true colors" are finally revealing themselves. He becomes incredibly bitter because you rejected him. You hurt him by refusing what he has become. And it absolutely destroys a large part of him on the inside.

Honestly that's the only rationale I can come up with as to why he eventually decides to smooth things over with you by saying there's no use in fighting, he admits he would have abused your love, played with it to get what he wanted until you were nothing (again, he's heavily deflecting here and trying to convince even himself that's what he would have done), and wants to still be partners in battle at the very least. He still wants to be near you. Because a large part of him still cares about you. Even if he can't understand it at that moment because he's clouded by power, he's still drawn to you like a moth to a flame. He's trying to convince himself that he no longer cares about you in that way. If he genuinely didn't care about the PC, he would leave regardless of whether you helped him or not. He would choose himself and his own interests; he wouldn't stick around and repay some petty debt. He got what he wanted, why bother helping some poor sod fix their problems? As revealed in the wisdom check, he still does think highly of the PC.

Despite what option you choose for Astarion (Ascended vs Non), he will tell you in both endings that you basically gave him his life back, and he will thank you for it. That I believe is genuine on both ends as it happens in both endings. If you ask Ascended Astarion to be gentle when he bites you, he heeds your request and performs the act in the most gentle way possible, choosing your wrist (kissing the back of your hand first) as opposed to your neck.

I'm rambling at this point but the bottom line is Ascended Astarion does still care for the PC, imo. It's just being heavily clouded under a mountain of new found powers and awe. I have no doubt that once that all blows over, he'd absolutely 100% be at your door on an almost nightly basis borderline begging you to take him back, or trying his hardest to convince you to at least give him a chance to talk. He's not a monster driven by horrific bloodlust. He's infatuated with this newfound power and mental clarity. Imo, unless there are new rules in the D&D lore that state differently, this is a temporary thing. And he'll absolutely be back to wanting you again at some point.

But fuck waiting around for that, lmao.

#Astarion #bg3 #spoilers #ascended astarion #non-ascended astarion #bg3 astarion #bg3 spoilers

[3d-wifey]

TBOSAS was a great movie and an even greater miss---here's why:

The problem here is no fault of the movie. It's not that it isn't a good adaptation or that it cut out too many important scenes. The casting was amazing, the acting phenomenal, the writing and plot translated immaculately into the screenplay format, and the ending was tragically beautiful. All of those boxes are ticked. The problem lies with one thing: Coriolanus Snow.

To understand what I mean, I'll bring the main trilogy to the stand. All of the books were written in first person from Katniss's pov. There were things that we as the audience don't know because Katniss doesn't know them and vise versa all do to her inner monologue. But there are also things we as the audience do know that Katniss doesn't because she's an unreliable narrator. She often misreads people because, whether she'll admit it or not, she's highly suspicious of those that aren't obviously weaker than her and is quick to judge in general. Her biases and black and white moral standpoint can be attributed to her environment, ptsd, and, though not confirmed, Autism (source: I'm actually Dr. Autism) or bpd. So, in this case, she's unreliable, but we understand it's not malicious and it was translated well in the movie (i.e. her thinking Peeta wanted her dead, her thinking Peeta is only acting like he's in love with her, her misconceptions about Finnick.)

Coriolanus Snow on the, other hand, is an entirely different case. He's a bad person at the start of the book and that isn't up for debate. His thoughts about Lucy Gray should make you angry, let alone about people who knew and cared for him for years (Tigris and Sejanus). He is also an unreliable narrator, but in a completely different sense than him. While hers is founded in ignorance and defensiveness, his is built in paranoia and narcissism. He's obsessive, possessive, demeaning to any and everyone, and thinks he's owed more than he is and hates anyone that has what he doesn't. We get all this through his inner thoughts as well (him hating the very idea of Lucy Grey being with anyone before him and likening her to a whore---implying she's slept with peacekeepers, wanting to own her in the literal sense of the word hating Sejanus for having basic human empathy, hating looking down on the Plinths who have been nothing but kind to him, so on and so forth). I say he's bad because, though he hasn't done any of the horrible things he thinks about or acts on them is because he didn't have the power or social standing to back them, something he has plenty of as a president. All this to say, the movie lacks that insight into the character that we gain with Katniss. Enough that people that have only watched the movie genuinely believe he was a nice person drove to the brink or thought there was a little gray area in regards to his morality. Enough that people that think the actor is hot will say they like "Coryo" not Snow, or some people send hate mail to the author because they think she tried to humanize him/excuse his behavior, the exact opposite of the point of the book. I don't fault the movie too harshly for this too harshly. Other than having a voice over, they could do very little to convey his every horrid thought. And because of this and Tom's phenomenal acting, Snow was able to manipulate the audience just like everyone else he fucked over.

Snow is a narcissist who can't wrap his mind around people genuinely being kind while having no ulterior motives, because he would never do that from the kindness of his heart. He thinks everyone is trying to back stab him and want to turn on him and are out to get him or are trying to embarrass him because that is what he would do if he was in their position. Unlike Katniss, he can read people and he can act his ass off, but unlike Katniss, he can't see the best in people because he doesn't want to/it doesn't benefit him. He had many opportunities to do the right thing or the kind thing and actively chose not to.

He, more than anyone in the Capitol, even more than Sajanus, should know what the Districts go through. He grew up poor, starved, and was forced to grow up too soon. He knows what it means to have nothing, be starved, and go into the arena and almost be killed. Yet, he looks down on them and sends children who were younger than him when he went into the arena, to their deaths because it benefits him.

He's a horrible person. He's always been bad, but he strove to be worse. I'm not saying the movie wasn't able to portray this in it's own way, but since it's not as obvious and in your face if you're too focused on how cute you think his face is, you can miss it. You'll find reasons to justify his actions just like he does and, ironically, become like his inner monologue where he continuously made himself the victim in almost every scenario.

Again, great movie! Fantastic even, my I beg of you, read a book. Or watch a youtube essay about it.

#tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #coriolanus x lucy gray #i can see why people ship him and sejanus in the movie since you aren't forced to read how horribly he thinks of my poor boy :( #coriolanus x sejanus #sejanus plinth #sejanus deserved better #sejanus my beloved #sejanus plinth the man you are #sejanus plinth you will always be famous #if you hate sejanus for any reason you'll go to hell and burn with Snow (REAL NOT FAKE!!!) #lucy gray baird #lucy gray x coriolanus #coryolanus snow #coryo and sejanus both are like ”i can fix him” and they’re both wrong #tigris snow #tigris snow i'd treat you so right #grandma'am snow #ma plinth #strabo plinth #hunger games catching fire #the hunger games #coriolanus snow you FLOP #3d wifey talks

[iodotsys]

Whats your HONEST opinion on professor membrane? Is he a good dad, bad dad, abusive, yada yada - give us your insight o wise one

My honest opinion on Membrane?

Membrane suffers from a lack of empathy and inability to see anything outside of his own point of view. Does this make him a bad father? I believe so.

He doesn't have a clue in the world what he's doing in any regard as a father. He probably is going based on things he has seen on TV or a very brief overview of a parenting guide from the 1950's, if anything. I believe he truly views Gaz and Dib as extensions of himself, to the degree he will talk to them as if he was talking to himself. And if they react in any other way than how he himself would react, he can't comprehend it and writes it off as incorrect behavior on THEIR part. Membrane is also rather immature. When he sees something that he views as 'wrong', he will make fun of it. In the episode Battle of the Planets, he does just that to Dib.

He does the basic family things because he knows, logically, he is a father. He goes to Parent Teacher Night because he knows he's required to. He has family night out because he knows he's required to. He provides 'food' to his 'kids' because he knows he's required to. He says "I love you" to his kids because he knows he's required to. Its all very robotic. He was going to cancel family night because Dib wasn't there. Family night MUST have all parties involved or logically its not family night.

He probably believes he's doing his best as a father since he is doing 'father-like' things. But to the outside he is neglectful and work driven.

Does he care about his kids? Yes, in a way he does. Not in an unconditional father-like way, but in a way he may care about an experiment. Science is first, care is second to him. He was not devastated his daughter had an incurable disease, he cared that he couldn't find the cure for the disease. Yet, he really wanted to show off Dib and Gaz in Future Dib. He was even excited to. He makes sure Gaz doesn't go out alone to get her new Game Slave 2 because he doesn't want her to get hurt.

He is devastated that Dib isn't following in his footsteps. He feels he's done something wrong that Dib turned out enjoying the paranormal. This is shown in his agony in Mopiness of Doom. He questions his own abilties.

In fact, Membrane is quite mentally unstable, as is seen with his freakout in the Christmas special. He runs out screaming his head off, unable to handle the PTSD he was going through. And how does Dib react? "Geez dad…"

Its rather normal in that household for Membrane to have complete breakdowns it seems. Not to mention in the comics Membrane's complete catatonic depression from people not listening to him. He relies on his 11 year old daughter to take care of him because he is so lost in his own head.

In conclusion, Membrane is emotionally stunted and immature. He does not have solid child rearing abilities so Gaz and Dib are left to fill those needs for themselves, with very basic human needs met by Membrane. Things like food and shelter. In addition, Membrane is sometimes required to be taken care of by Gaz and Dib due to his emotional instability.

I am happy to provide my wisdom to the fandom.

#invader zim #dib membrane #gaz membrane #professor membrane #this is my view on the whole membrane father thing #have i become the invader zim canon guru? #i will gladly take that title

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

The difference with the disorders of ASPD, psychopathy and NPD versus the 150-something other disorders in the DSM is that they function completely differently because they are PERSONALITY disorders and not regular disorders.

Personality disorders cause dysfunction with opinions, feelings, observations, empathy, perceptions and relationships. The way they see every event, instance, and conversation is coming from a distorted perception. They can be aware of this distorted perception but one of the main symptoms of these disorders is a lack of self-awareness and always believing one is right and never wrong, which is very common with cluster b disorders. Self-awareness is also a spectrum, not black and white as many people get wrong. They're not just "different" with their opinions and perceptions (everybody has different feelings and opinions) but they're maladaptive and unhealthy.

ASPD and NPD major/common symptoms from research (not just taking from the DSM I've been researching them for a decade now): revenge-prone (often from distorted perceptions but can certainly be from a non-distorted perception), entitlement issues, lack of empathy toward others, manipulation, deception, exploitation/supply-seeking, victim-complex and can't see fault in ones own behaviors chronically so- meaning they see themselves as perfect and don't take accountability for any little mistakes or wrongs, love-bombing then devaluing cycles which causes Stockholm syndrome, projection, possessiveness in relationships, extreme jealousy and envy issues in relationships or with peers, poor and abusive relationships.

While something like ADHD has issues with attention, focus staying on one task that isn't scary or bad, just distressing for the disordered individual. Anxiety disorders have symptoms like overthinking, feeling jittery or on edge, feeling distressed about the future, etc. Other disorders have issues with normal things that only distress the individual suffering from said disorder, they're not dangerous.

However, people with ASPD and NPD have symptoms that make them dangerous to themselves AND others, causing distress to both themselves AND others.

Yes, people with ASPD and NPD are certainly distressed as well from the consequences of their actions and lack of ability to love another person, thus making relationships unfulfilling. But they bring distress to people around them as well and just as much if not worse.

ASPD, psychopathy and narcissists are vindictive as a PERSONALITY trait and if you do your research properly - revenge as a maladaptive personality trait is a hallmark of ASPD and psychopathy, not just a one time thing like a 17 year old girl getting revenge with her best friend on her cheating partner (teenagers are impulsive and dumb they'd be more prone to this behavior than adults). But with personality disorders it is a pattern of behavior. And their revenge-seeking is an epidemic in the world of psychological abuse survivors because that's often what psychological abuse survivors complain of is the cluster-b persons vindictive behavior towards them for unrighteous reasons, that the cluster b thinks is righteous but thats the distortions and delusions they have. And part of that maladaptive trait is along with the lack of emotional (sometimes cognitive) empathy they don't have that line in the sand they won't cross, meaning they don't have limits on how far they're willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviors.

Neuroscientists psychopathy and ASPD:

Dr Keel

Dr. Raine

Dr. Robert Hare 

Dr Kevin Dutton

Books: 

Handbook of psychopathy

Hervey Cleckley's original 1940's checklist that Hare basically admitted the PCL-R is based off of.

Npd:

Dr kernberg

Dr. W. Keith Campbell

Dr. Kraig malkin 

Dr. James Masterson

Dr Steve reed

Dr Elinor Greenberg 

Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen, a psychoanalyst

There is a lot of what you’ve said that I agree with. ASPD and NPD do indeed cause symptoms distressing to themselves and others. People with ASPD and NPD can act harmfully. Jealousy does play a large role in NPD (I’m not so sure in ASPD since this is a disorder largely based off apathy).

I have NPD and I’m acutely aware of the distortions in my world view. I know that that’s unusual. I’ve had years of therapy and several times of radical acceptance to get to this point. Egotypicals still perceive things in ways that surprise me from time to time but generally I have a lot of self awareness and I’m very interested in psychology and the concept of society.

I have very low emotional empathy (although my cognitive empathy works very well if I have the energy) and yet I disagree with you saying that cluster b’s “don’t have limits on how far they’re willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviours”. There are so many things wrong with that statement.

The first is the not having “limits”. I have limits. Perhaps they’re implemented more by rational thought than emotional (like others) but they’re still there. I have a set of morals that I stick steadfast to and I’ve been told by many people that I am a person who holds my values and morals close and guards them tightly.

The second is “willing to hurt people”. This might come as a shock but that’s not a specific cluster b trait. Anyone and everyone are willing to hurt people. Neurotypicals do it all the time. Neurodivergents do it all the time. Everyone does it all the time. For example, you are willing to hurt a group of people with personality disorders by sending an ask that deliberately frames them in a negative way. A simpler example is asking what you would do for your loved ones. Would you steal, fight, manipulate, break the law? All of those classify as “willing to hurt people”.

My third issue is that you say cluster b’s are “inherently wrong for their behaviours”. What behaviours? Who’s wrong?

If I take that as I assume it was meant to be intended, what you meant was “cluster b folk are wrong and will always be wrong in their behaviours because of the previously mentioned reasons”. I just disproved the previously mentioned reasons so that point is moot. You’ve just taken a few traits of a disorder, spun a negative portrayal on them and decided that that means cluster b people as a whole are completely untrustworthy and unforgivable in every aspect.

If I was to take a different view on the statement, I could interpret the meaning as “people who willfully do harm are inherently irredeemable”. That’s a more solid point but one I would dispute anyway. That ends up tipping more into the moral quandary of questions such as “would you steal bread for your starving family”. I would say that no one is inherently irredeemable. Certain acts may be unforgivable but people themselves are not irredeemable.

People who willfully do harm with malicious intent over and over again (the ones “without limits”) are indeed not good people. However, assuming that the only people who do that or the only people capable of doing it are cluster b is not a good view nor a correct one.

Anyone can be a bad person. Anyone can do bad things.

Another thing you mentioned is vindictiveness. I wouldn’t phrase it like that. For all intents and purposes it’s very similar but it’s much easier to understand is describing it as the fight response. Cluster b folk are more inclined to the fight response. When they perceive threat, they lash out, which can cause harm to themselves and others. It’s something a lot of people do however cluster b’s take it to an extreme.

It’s not a petty grudge and it’s not a relentless pursuing of someone. It’s a matter of hurt and survival instincts.

There’s been a lot of focus on the damage disorders do to others and far less on the damage it causes the person themself. And for those who are trying to cope better and hurt less it’s much harder for them as it becomes easier for people around them.

At the end of the day, you have sent what’s effectively a list of “proof” that cluster b’s are inherently harmful and that’s that (although you completely failed to mention BPD and HPD).

I want to prove that you’re wrong. No one is inherently harmful. No one is beyond hope of at least trying for better. ASPD and NPD (and BPD and HPD) don’t cause people to be awful people. They make mistakes, they mess up and they try to heal just like everyone else.

I can acknowledge how my actions hurt people and work on them and be a good person. Anyone can. I can take accountability for hurting someone even if I don’t accept I was wrong.

Personality disorders are morally neutral and it might be harder for me but I can create healthy, caring relationships.

If you won’t accept the idea that we can then that’s not our problem. That’s something I sincerely hope you educate yourself on and get over.

#anon ask #npd #cluster b #actually narcissistic #aspd #bpd #hpd #ableism #narc abuse isn't real #trauma recovery #coping with personality disorders

[werewolves-are-real]

Go fuck yourself anon

This morning I received an extremely condescending ask, where an anonymous person said they were heartbroken by my recent 'pro-Israel' posts and could not in good conscience engage with my works until I learned to have 'empathy.'

I immediately deleted it, because it was idiotic. But here's the thing: I don't usually post about the war. So then I started thinking about what I posted recently that might be viewed as pro-Israel. And now I'm mad.

Here is a list of posts that might be CONSTRUED as pro-Israel (by this person) starting from most recent back to Oct. 7th:

-A post joking about a misspelled 'happy Hanukkah' greeting

-A post about different types of menorahs

-A post talking about a Philedelphia-based Jewish man who was targeted by violent rioters for the crime of.... donating to a civilian-led non-profit that provides free medical services to Israel.

-A post about misconceptions over the names of places in Israel, and how the Hebrew words are fucking old and basically have nothing to do with colonialism regardless of what you think about the war.

-A post condemning the denial of Hamas rape victims, because Hamas are terrorists, regardless of anything else you might believe about the war,

-A post talking about what zionism actually means, historically, since it's kinda a relevant issue and some people use it improperly.

-A post also talking about the definition of genocide.

-A silly posts about Jewish prayer emojis

-A post which I will quote here, actually:

-A post about biased media coverage.

-A post about a Jewish journalist who feels unsafe.

-A post calling out people for only caring NOW, and only getting angry at Israel, rather than – for example – neighboring Egypt refusing to open the border. Because people love hating Israel without figuring out why.

-Another post by Jewish people alarmed by how VIOLENT people are getting toward them.

-A post again pointing out that you can think both Israel and Hamas are doing bad things, actually.

-A post where I lament that I can't post the next chapter of Without Reason because it included a scene with a synagogue and there's no way I can post it without people assuming it's some sort of commentary on the war.

-A post I can't rapidly summarize but that basically criticizes people being callous and, again, anti-semitic while pretending anti-semitism doesn't exist.

That's it, that's all I can find in a quick search since Oct. 7th. You might notice that none of these are really explicitly pro-Israel. In fact, most of them aren't about Israel at all, and they certainly don't demonize Palestine. So what I'm gathering is that this anon is deeply hurt by my posts about *checks notes* – Jewish holidays, Jewish terminology, and rising anti-semitism.

And a desire for people to calm down and use nuance in their discussions, which I guess is scary to some folks.

My most recent posts are about the holidays. If you cannot read a 'happy hanukkah' message without conflating your political anger – about a war on the other side of the world - with anger toward all Jewish people, I am asking you to examine YOUR lack of empathy, and particularly why it does not extend toward Jews.

And if you don't want to 'engage with my work,' great! I don't write to entertain anti-semites :) So get the fuck away from me.

#i don't know why anyone cares about the political views of some rando fic writer anyway #much less feels a need to virtue signal about it #but if you care #my main opinion is that the situation is fucking complex #and no i will not elaborate #because the internet hates nuance and rational discussion and I don't care enough about the opinions of anyone here to start a fight #also LOL at the idea I should care about someone not reading my works #if you think 'well NOW the author will surely reconsider' that's frankly much more insulting #in what it implies about the strength of my moral stances #fuck off

[lobotomyladylives]

Rant

honestly...I'm SO tired of being stuck between other jews who genuinely think there's nothing wrong with what the israeli government is doing, and pro palestine american leftists who act like absolute ghouls to random jews in the name of their cause & spread literal antisemitism and misinformation constantly. why can't anyone be fucking NORMAL about this or anything else! where is the nuance? why can't we come to an agreement even on the most basic shit, like "hm maybe civilians don't deserve to die for their governments actions?" but no, apparently that makes you a genocidal fascist even if the whole point is being AGAINST genocide no matter what.

my uncle gets kicked out of his synagogue he's been a member of for 3 decades for criticizing the IDF. I get called a nazi by fellow jews for saying we need a ceasefire, then called a nazi by fellow leftists for saying hamas & the houthi are also awful (for palestinians too). the israeli govt says death to all palestinians, they're all terrorists, there's no Innocent civilians even the children. Hamas says death to all jews, they're a scourge on the planet, and leftists clap along, say there's no innocent civilians in israel. the power division is of course hugely skewed in favor of israel, and the death toll is massively disproportionate, so I spend a lot of time talking about that-but seeing other people who believe in this cause being straight up antisemitic is so depressing.

everyone seems to have forgotten that most people are the same. no matter where they're born they just want to live their lives and feel like their loved ones are safe. if you're incapable of having empathy without seeing yourself in their position, try to imagine if people started attacking random americans for the actions of our demented leaders. we /voted/, after all, so that means it's totally fine if someone bombs a city or start stabbing and shooting people who have nothing to do with the conflict! it's fine to rape women and it's fine to blow up babies and alls fair in war and and and.

It's really for me to see just how easily people get radicalized into justifying atrocities. i see how islamic jihad organizations use the bombing of their people to recruit young men into committing acts of terror, and it's easy to see how the israeli government uses the holocaust and the very real spectre of rising antisemitism in the world to make their people think the only way for them to survive is to create a highly militarized state and defend it at all costs, even if that cost is tens of thousands of innocent human lives.

like it's not as if I didn't realize all this before but it's just particularly bleak at the moment. it's insane. it's demented. I hate humanity so much rn in particular the war mongering men who drive every single one of these conflicts (you didn't think I was going to overlook the fact that it's men doing this, did you?) they're so fucking bloodthirsty. every war on earth has involved the mass rape, torture and slaughter of women and girls from the "enemy" population. and then men tell us they're the only ones suffering in war because they're the soldiers, totally ignoring how civilians pay the price of conflicts they didn't even participate in.

all of it is just weighing on me particularly hard today. I hate living in a man's world. all they're good at is destruction. I don't want to keep seeing the planet be torn up for the sake of their greed and I don't want to be forced to suffer the consequences of their lack of humanity. even female separation isn't enough while we have to share our world with them.

#i am in a really gloomy mood about all this

[helianthus-tarot]

Hi Julian. Would you please give me some advice on how to be a secure person? In every dynamic I either feel superior or inferior than people. I hate it. And I have lately realised that feeling superior than other people makes me feel secure(safe). I want to change this way of relating to others. I just want to be independent and neutral. Just normal. Would you please share your thoughts and wisdom on this?

Sorry for the late reply, anon.

My guess is seeing yourself as superior is a way of you feeling better about who you are currently and where you are right now, when in fact you are actually insecure about those things. You feel inferior because of the same reason, you don't fully accept who you are and where you are right now. You use a roundabout way to feel better/worse about yourself without facing the real reason why you do it. You sound like you have problems accepting yourself for who you are. You also sound like you over-rely on external validation or 'proof' to feel confident in who you are, where you are standing, what you are doing, where you are going.

Insecurity is a complex problem to solve, simply because there are many reasons and possible solutions, so it's impossible for me to tell you exactly how to solve it. I'm not a professional either, so I can only share what I would do if I were in your place.

These are what I would do if I were in your place:

Change my reference point from external to internal, and look within to define myself instead of looking at other people. I am not better than that random person. I am me, and that's enough. X is what I do best, Y is what I don't do best, Z is something I'd love to be better at. My hobbies, my values, my principles, my dreams, my goals, etc— these represent who I am. I choose these for my betterment, I choose them because I truly love and believe in them. These have nothing to do with what other people value, or how other people judge themselves. Accept your individuality, accept other people's individuality too.

Acceptance and improvement. I would accept where I am right now and who I am right now. My flaws, what makes me insecure, my needs, my unhealthy habits, etc. And then I would find ways to work on those problems one by one, find healthy ways to meet my needs; change ones that I can change, accept ones that I cannot change. If I looked at another writer and felt superior because I secretly had a desire to be a good writer, I would just focus on being a good writer and do things that can help me achieve that. I could look at other writers to learn but my focus would be on applying what I learned, instead of focusing on feeling better/worse about myself.

Have an internal measure of success. I would only compare myself to my past self, I should be better than who I was. I have the same past as my past self, the same obstacles, the same illness and trauma, the same brain and the same body. This kind of comparison makes more sense and is more productive, than comparing myself to a random human being whose past I can't even fully understand, much less how their brain works.

Fix my values. How I value myself and how I value other people. How I define my worth, and how I define other people's worth. What do I base my judgement on, basically? Is it right? Is it healthy? Do I judge people's worth based on their superficial performance? Someone can be shit at a particular thing I'm good at, but they still deserve respect as my equal, because in terms of humanity and our inherent value as human beings, they are my equal.

Improve empathy, put myself in other people's shoes more often. Everyone has their own journey in life, we are given different set of 'resources' and all we can do is make the best of what we have. You may be 'superior' or more successful simply because you don't have to deal with the things they have to deal with— their disabilities and illnesses, their cognitive abilities, their kind of family, their lack of financial stability, their lack of social connection and support— to arrive to where you are currently. Vice versa. They may be superior than you in a particular field, you may have to struggle more to succeed in that area simply because you have your own set of obstacles that they didn't have to experience.

Conclusion

Comparison itself is normal, it's just how our brains work, we do it to understand more about our world. This is bigger, this is smaller, this is taller, this is shorter. Comparison that leads to feelings of superiority and insecurity is the problem here. If you compare yourself to other people's performance to gauge your own performance level, to understand what you do right and wrong, to know the standard or competition in your particular industry/field, that's fine because that can help you learn and improve. But if you do that and instead of learning, you look down on other people or you feel terrible about yourself, you have a problem.

Remember that people can't choose what type of brain they get and what type of family they have. Our childhoods heavily influence the trajectory of our success in this world. Sure there are miracle stories— someone changing their terrible life through sheer force of will and hard work. But environment and genetics influence us so much, luck plays a part in whether you die of starvation or not, whether you can get out of poverty or not, whether you have internet access or not, how fast you can be a millionaire, how many people around you are willing to lend you a hand and make life easier for you, and so on. At the end of the day, you are not the person you compare yourself to and they are not you.

Focus on practicing gratitude and thank the Universe or God for assisting you with luck and the right opportunities, instead of feeling superior. Also learn healthy competition.

#asks #other asks

[amyintherapy]

Quotes from adult children of emotionally immature parents

These are passages that I've sent to myself because they stood out to me. I'm only through the first few chapters so I'll probably update with more later.

Children who feel they cannot engage their parents emotionally often try to strengthen their connection by playing whatever roles they believe their parents want them to. Although this may win them some fleeting approval, it doesn't yield genuine emotional closeness. Emotionally disconnected parents don't suddenly develop a capacity for empathy just because a child does something to please them.

People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can't believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.

What Jake didn't realize is that hate is a normal and involuntary reaction when somebody tries to control you for no good reason. It signals that the person is extinguishing your emotional life force by getting his or her needs met at your expense.

Emotionally immature parents don't know how to validate their child's feelings and instincts. Without this validation, children learn to give in to what others seem sure about.

Like children, emotionally immature people usually end up being the center of attention. In groups, the most emotionally immature person often dominates the group's time and energy. If other people allow it, all the group's attention will go to that person, and once this happens, it's hard to redirect the group's focus. If anyone else is going to get a chance to be heard, someone will have to force an abrupt transition- something many people aren't willing to do.

It's also important to remember that old-school parenting- -the upbringing my clients' parents experienced- -was very much about children being seen but not heard. Physical punishment was not only acceptable, it was condoned, even in schools, as the way to make children responsible. For many parents, "spare the rod and spoil the child" was considered conventional wisdom. They weren't concerned about children's feelings; they saw parenting as being about teaching children how to behave. It wasn't until 1946 that Dr. Benjamin Spock, in the original version of his mega-seller The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, widely popularized the idea that children's feelings and individuality were important factors to consider, in addition to physical care and discipline. In the generations before this shift, parenting tended to focus on obedience as the gold standard of children's development, rather than thinking about supporting children's emotional security and individuality.

It may be that many emotionally immature people weren't allowed to explore and express their feelings and thoughts enough to develop a strong sense of self and a mature, individual identity. This made it hard for them to know themselves, limiting their ability to engage in emotional intimacy. If you don't have a basic sense of who you are as a person, you can't learn how to emotionally engage with other people at a deep level. This arrested self-development gives rise to additional, deeper personality weaknesses that are common among emotionally immature people, as outlined in this chapter.

Instead of learning about themselves and developing a strong, cohesive self in early childhood, emotionally immature people learned that certain feelings were bad and forbidden. They unconsciously developed defenses against experiencing many of their deeper feelings. As a result, energies that could have gone toward developing a full self were instead devoted to suppressing their natural instincts, resulting in a limited capacity for emotional intimacy.

Emotionally immature people who are otherwise intelligent can think conceptually and show insight as long as they don't feel too threatened in the moment. Their intellectual objectivity is limited to topics that arent emotionally arousing to them. This can be puzzling to their children, who experience two very different sides to their parents: sometimes intelligent and insightful, other times narrow-minded and impossible to reason with.

All [types of emotionally immature parents] use nonadaptive coping mechanisms that distort reality rather than dealing with it (Vaillant 2000). And all use their children to try to make themselves feel better, often leading to a parent-child role reversal and exposing their children to adult issues in an overwhelming way. In addition, all four types have poor resonance with other people's feelings. They have extreme boundary problems, either getting too involved or refusing to get involved at all. Most tolerate frustration poorly and use emotional tactics or threats rather than verbal communication to Bet what they want.

As summarized in their 1974 article, these researchers rated mothers behaviors toward their babies on four dimensions: sensitivity-insensitivity, acceptance-rejection, cooperation interference, and accessible-ignoring. They found that a mother's "degree of sensitivity" was "a key variable, in the sense that mothers who rated high in sensitivity also, without exception, rated high in acceptance, co operation and accessibility, whereas mothers who rated low in any one of the other three scales also rated low in sensitivity" (1974, 107). Ainsworth and her colleagues reported that more sensitive mothers had babies who showed more secure attachment behaviors in their experiments.

#adult children of emotionally immature parents #childhood emotional neglect #cptsd #childhood emotional abuse #trauma #mental health

[weareallgonnadiesoon]

QSMP Quackity Swap AU - Guapoduo

I mentioned once that El was very close with Guapoduo but I never went into detail with it.

For those that don't know, this is my swap au with Quackity and El Quackity where Elq was the OG

Elq was close with Roier from the very start of the server, and he was one of the very few people that Elq would go out of his way to spend time with/around without it involving some grand scheme. Roier enjoyed his company and how he never failed to darken up a room with only a few words or even a glance at someone. Elq thought Roier was fun and he liked having someone that just took him at face value and didn't call him emo (Shut up, MISSA-)

Elq had a tendency to make a lot of jokes about getting with Roier but Elq jokes in a very...deadpan and non-romantic way so it just came out as "[Scowling] I can't believe I married you." which Roier found hilarious but could never tell if it was flirting or jokes. If questioned on this, Elq would pretend they questioned him about something else.

Elq was the defacto babysitter of Bobby to the point where Bobby and Tilin were like siblings. He was a...odd man and honestly probably not the best babysitter, but he once took several arrows in a row without wearing armor to make sure Bobby (Who was fully decked out in armor and had a totem) didn't get hit so he was alright in Jaiden and Roier's book of who to let babysit. Elq was close to Roier to the point where multiple people on the island genuinely couldn't tell if they were dating or not (Roier had no idea either, but he was leaning towards 'No'.) (Elq acts like the question was dumb and refuses to answer).

Cellbit made things interesting because he was extremely close with him from the SECOND that he met the man, it barely took any time at all. They bonded over puzzles, scheming, and mysteries when they first met and would grow to bond over their natural lack of compassion and empathy for others (Both of them have very low empathy and have selective compassion).

Cellbit thought that Elq was fascinating and made for an amazing debate partner. Elq thought Cellbit was so interesting, he was entralled by him completely.

He had a...weird relationship with Richas that consisted of both of them threatening the other constantly but jumping to their defense the second anyone else slanders them. Richas has stabbed multiple people for making fun of Elq. He still becomes 1% of Richas's parent in this au but neither of them tend to acknowledge it to each others faces. Behind each other's backs, they'll be like "Well, MY dad could trick your dad into signing away his soul!" or "MY son is so much better than your kid. What can your kid do that mine can't do better?" Cellbit finds it adorable and loves watching the two bicker.

Elq, after knowing Cellbit for some time, does the same flirting joke thing that he does with Roier (and while it flusters Cellbit a lot more than it does Roier), and it confuses the shit out of poor Cellbit. He tried to ask the other members, but they had no answers. Neither did Roier but he found the whole thing funny from the start so it was unlikely he'd be much help either way.

Once Roier and Cellbit started dating, they both thought Elq would either get jealous of one of them or stop with the jokes (Maybe do a mock assassination attempt if he was especially pouty). They did not account for him acting as if absolutely nothing changed. The only thing that changed with his banter/jokes/flirting was that he would speak as if all 3 of them were in a relationship. It confused them so bad that they'd occasionally forget that they weren't actually dating Elq (At least, they thought so).

Elq basically lived in the castle with them for fucks sake, it was a really confusing situation that no one except Elq understood (and god knows he wasn't willing to explain).

#qsmp #guapoduo #qsmp au #qsmp guapoduo #qsmp swap au #qsmp elquackity #qsmp roier #qsmp cellbit #Cellbit is very confused #But he loves his cheerful puppy husband #And he mostly loves his stabby duck husband(?) #Roier hasn't understood El for years #and he never will #qsmp richarlyson #qsmp bobby #qsmp eggs #qsmp tilin #tilin the egg #qsmp jaiden #Elq and his love of confusing the people he cares about #please ask me questions #Elq is willing to commit to the fucking bit until he dies #Is the bit him gaslighting his way into a loving relationship? #Or is it making his best friends think that he's married to them? #Who know!

[throatcutta]

The difference with the disorders of ASPD, psychopathy and NPD versus the 150-something other disorders in the DSM is that they function completely differently because they are PERSONALITY disorders and not regular disorders.

Personality disorders cause dysfunction with opinions, feelings, observations, empathy, perceptions and relationships. The way they see every event, instance, and conversation is coming from a distorted perception. They can be aware of this distorted perception but one of the main symptoms of these disorders is a lack of self-awareness and always believing one is right and never wrong, which is very common with cluster b disorders. Self-awareness is also a spectrum, not black and white as many people get wrong. They're not just "different" with their opinions and perceptions (everybody has different feelings and opinions) but they're maladaptive and unhealthy.

ASPD and NPD major/common symptoms from research (not just taking from the DSM I've been researching them for a decade now): revenge-prone (often from distorted perceptions but can certainly be from a non-distorted perception), entitlement issues, lack of empathy toward others, manipulation, deception, exploitation/supply-seeking, victim-complex and can't see fault in ones own behaviors chronically so- meaning they see themselves as perfect and don't take accountability for any little mistakes or wrongs, love-bombing then devaluing cycles which causes Stockholm syndrome, projection, possessiveness in relationships, extreme jealousy and envy issues in relationships or with peers, poor and abusive relationships.

While something like ADHD has issues with attention, focus staying on one task that isn't scary or bad, just distressing for the disordered individual. Anxiety disorders have symptoms like overthinking, feeling jittery or on edge, feeling distressed about the future, etc. Other disorders have issues with normal things that only distress the individual suffering from said disorder, they're not dangerous.

However, people with ASPD and NPD have symptoms that make them dangerous to themselves AND others, causing distress to both themselves AND others.

Yes, people with ASPD and NPD are certainly distressed as well from the consequences of their actions and lack of ability to love another person, thus making relationships unfulfilling. But they bring distress to people around them as well and just as much if not worse.

ASPD, psychopathy and narcissists are vindictive as a PERSONALITY trait and if you do your research properly - revenge as a maladaptive personality trait is a hallmark of ASPD and psychopathy, not just a one time thing like a 17 year old girl getting revenge with her best friend on her cheating partner (teenagers are impulsive and dumb they'd be more prone to this behavior than adults). But with personality disorders it is a pattern of behavior. And their revenge-seeking is an epidemic in the world of psychological abuse survivors because that's often what psychological abuse survivors complain of is the cluster-b persons vindictive behavior towards them for unrighteous reasons, that the cluster b thinks is righteous but thats the distortions and delusions they have. And part of that maladaptive trait is along with the lack of emotional (sometimes cognitive) empathy they don't have that line in the sand they won't cross, meaning they don't have limits on how far they're willing to hurt people making them inherently wrong for their behaviors.

Neuroscientists psychopathy and ASPD:

Dr Keel

Dr. Raine

Dr. Robert Hare 

Dr Kevin Dutton

Books: 

Handbook of psychopathy

Hervey Cleckley's original 1940's checklist that Hare basically admitted the PCL-R is based off of.

Npd:

Dr kernberg

Dr. W. Keith Campbell

Dr. Kraig malkin 

Dr. James Masterson

Dr Steve reed

Dr Elinor Greenberg 

Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen, a psychoanalyst

Get a diary girl cause what the hell is this 💀💀💀💀💀.

[bandofchimeras]

thinking about NPD acceptance/positivity tonight. i still feel uneasy with identifying too hard with personality disorders but here's a thought:

a road block to healing mental & emotional wounding is often inability to accept due to toxic shame, that goes to the core of a person. like a huge part of NPD and other personality disorders is believing "I am X" and "X is evil/wrong/inhuman" and the logical conclusion "I am inherently evil/wrong/inhuman." therefore overinvesting in crafting an image of the self that becomes bloated and obscures actual self awareness. maintaining this image is exhausting and often impossible. especially when it is linked to moral obsessions. nothing is more disconnecting with other human beings than having intense internal pressure to maintain a delusional image of the self as good/perfect.

some folks end up "solving" this issue by inverting it and being fully honest about their shame-based image instead. it's a kind of relief, but it doesn't actually allow you to connect with people. it's Bojack Horseman. he leads with how much of a POS he is, and guess what? self fulfilling prophecy.

he's a bit more tolerable than Mr. Peanutbutter in that show but still - both characters miss out on the full truth of their humanity. Or dog-manity? horsemanity?

The shadow side and the basic fundamentals goodness of being a Being on this Earth, in everyone. In fact life is simply complicated and good/bad a somewhat arbitrary, community defined distinction.

So what does that have to do with NPD?

Well, honesty is a good first policy. But the intense self focus of the disorder, is disabling, and can lead to hurtful actions due to lack of awareness or understanding. I don't see personality disorders as value neutral due to the fact they are disturbances in the balance of human relationship. It's not the pwNPD's fault, but the way they've learned to exist causes issues. It just does. I don't think it's positive although many narcissistic people have positive traits still. They simply tend to be incapable or struggle to do the simple relational repair work of apology, sincerity and investment in others well-being. These are skills that can be learned, as the core wound of toxic shame is also addressed. It is possible to crawl out of the prison of your own mind into the sunlight.

But it is really, really hard work. And that's where personality disorder acceptance or at least just "lots of people are fucked up and it's possible for them to still learn and grow" as a movement is important.

I believe personality disorders need the same destigmatization as, for example, meth and crack. Not because yay they're great! or because everyone will and Should recover or else be deemed Inhuman and Irrdeemable, but because everyone deserves to be seen in their full humanity, and have access to what it takes to recover, even if in the end they can't beat the habit.

Because narcissism is a deep, wormy habit. For most of us, a survival habit gone awry. And for some of us, autistic people especially, we might never be able to survive without focusing a lot on ourselves and getting called narcissistic for it.

A friend talked with me about my inability to show up for them recently. I kept coming back to my intent and they told me this was hurtful too because regardless I still impacted them. And the old habit of anger and denial and splitting came up to the surface. But under it I felt a inkling of empathy, like really being able to sit and imagine what their pain felt like. That inkling gets shoved down because it brings up pain with it - pain of toxic shame and guilt, of frustration that I feel at my absolute limit and can't live up to expectations, anger with myself, fear of those selfish parts of me that don't actually give a fuck.

It challenged me to be honest.

Addicts say you know you're in trouble when you realize you have stopped caring.

So with these personality coping traits, it is similar. I'm losing my battle when I stop caring about others. And I can't care about others without caring for myself enough to at least not be in empathy burnout.

I would really like to be a person who carries extensive knowledge of machinery or plants or languages or myths or even just my friends and community. To give myself over to that and feel how good it is to let go of self image and be in passionate mutual relationship with life. Instead of cramped anxious and stuck within myself like a tangled labyrinth. Or my only area of expertise being psychology I have learned to save myself.

However at this point in life habits are setting in. I know the old cracks and quirks of my traumagenic beliefs like "reaching out to people is a nuisance" or "if I do not pretend to be perfect some terrible thing will happen" or "being liked is more important than anything" they're very well worn. but I am not sure they can be beat until I am secure enough to let go a bit, and get into some deep therapy or creative work.

it's very annoying to be run on old programming and feel unable to do anything concrete about it yet.

So yes, personality disorder neutrality is helpful. Recovery is a life long process. It upset me a lot when I first read that in a forum somewhere. I wanted so badly to be fixed and have this horrible fear and shame in my soul removed. But it's a long dirty process that you have to learn to enjoy or at least feel deeply. just like addiction recovery. Stigma only cements people in their shame and keeps them isolated.

Those are my thoughts for now. And Yes, I've been reading Gabor Mate's In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts .

#also mych to be said about how many autistics get misdiagnosed #with NPD or other personality disorders #personality disorder #npd #npd culture is #bpd #psychology #gabor mate #addiction

[visionthefox]

I agree, it felt like Sun wasn't saying everything, and hasn't for a very long time, and the only time when he speaks his mind are his outbursts, and those are just yelling and screaming rather than processing things, it makes sense though why he'd be like that When Old Moon was around, Sun couldn't talk things out with him because Old Moon rarely had a supportive response, and more often than not he was ignored, brushed off, mocked, belittled, or had it turned on him, and while New Moon is better in that he has voiced support for Sun, after everything with Old Moon and New Moon sharing the anger and some of the habits, Sun may not feel like he can open up with New Moon Lunar is their little brother, who isn't the most mature, and he also has a lot with all the astral stuff going on, and when he was first introduced he was Old Eclipse's ally, and while he has moved far past that since then, it all does not make him the best candidate for it either Earth is great with this stuff, but as you've said, family members should not be therapists for their family, it's just too close to be effective most of the time, I also wonder if he feels like he can't open up because she's family, that he doesn't want to burden her with his much darker thoughts, or because of the stuff happening with the Creator before getting rid of Forgor every time Sun or Moon would talk about the Creator Earth would have a negative reaction, both might be a reason why he doesn't want to open up to her though I personally feel like its because he doesn't want to burden her Monty would more likely make fun of Sun as Monty doesn't take Sun seriously, not like he does with both Moons, and Foxy I am not sure about, are they anything more than acquaintances because of the whole FC thing? Sun never got close enough to Solar for them to have a connection despite Solar having a positive effect on the others, like how he was giving Earth therapy for her issues And nevermind counting on anybody else Sun basically doesn't have nor feel comfortable talking genuinely with anybody around him, he never has, and I can't see anybody besides maybe Earth being able to help him process everything in a way that isn't screaming, that is not good for mental health in the long-run, he needs someone that can get him to talk, and that he can talk things through with, who can take the darkest stuff with maturity and empathy, at least that's what it feels like to me

yeyeye im with ya anon! Sun is keeping A LOT of things hidden and locked on his mind. and I can tell if is actually a canon move or more of a bias look of our side since for us? makes sense he just-- cant ! he cant be as open because his issues arens as easy as " I feel less" or "im stress out" is way deep.. this dude is been alive over 12 years now- 10 years of Moon hitting him, mocking him , telling how stupid he is, how he pushed him aside- Golden never sided with Sun unless he was begging him to.. now sure, he has nice people around, but after having to bottle up your feelings over 10 years, is not easy to let go.. the time he did he got locked in a bunker to be forced to look at himself.. how much did that silly move on OldMoon damage him? enough to make him worry to speak up too much. Eclipse had to say some truth to Sun.. he is rather violent when he lets go of his fear.. (I totally believe Eclipse didnt give him the power to lift Monty to a wall, nah , that was all Sun's force! he never dare to use) I feel with Earth is both - dont want to stress her out and lack of trust, she's been a sister for 2 half years.. for me? is not enough time for Sun to even let her know all of his issues.. he cant tell how well she will reach to him being too open to what he feels and how he thinks on his dark moments.. and those issues are.. down deep and bad, as I showed once, his self steem is nearly up but not enough, he still thinks he is too stupid to help! when he literally was capable of so much! he feels he's weak, he killed a wither storm! , and the "you used to be happy" or "you look better now" dont help at all when he is here, sitting after a shock, walking in after being left alone for too long, putting on a happy ask again.. I know she NOT meant any harm, but in her own shock she wants to think he is ok.. now, we need to also keep in mind, the support did helped him, to at least let go for some bad habits! but we can see its not a constant help, specially now, he feels less due to this all.. (I had a test over his drinking but thats off topic) ANYWAYS YES YES YOU RIGHT ANON! as a whole Sun is a liar, who hides his true self under a "im all ok" smile, when he cant, he lets out sooo small pieces of the bigger image, and when he sense is "not the best time" he puts his mask again. now.. Will Moon notice the mask? Old Moon didnt.. will he try to TALK to him? face to face? or will rather do the "go talk to her, I cant help you" when all Sun needs is to FACE his brother and know he HEARS him.. Old Moon never cared to try.. so Sun can only Assume NewMoon is just the same way.. he cant bring himself to care when "theres a bigger issue here!"

#tsams #sams #ask #man I love these long ass ask I love it #we can just talk like madmans over a shitty show hhaha

[melissa-titanium]

in reference to my last rb;

you could say mother. he's very close with his adoptive sister :)

red or purple. he's very blue, but a LOT of koboreals are very blue. the only exceptional thing about his appearance is his terrifyingly vibrant red eyes. also red is his favorite color because blood.

he used to enjoy killing small animals that were in the castle and would dissect them and hide or bury the remains in various spots; usually in his or his sister's room. he only stopped because he realized he could kill other dragons instead. when he mentions this fact to anyone, he laughs it off which is usually unsettling.

i vaguely know what this means but not enough to. deduce an answer uhhh

his scars. koboreals tend to favor scarred dragons because it shows theyre strong and able to fend for themselves & survive through hard moments, and he REALLY latched onto that from a young age. he's a little more wreckless than he needs to be

well there's a lot that remind me of him so it's hard to choose, but one i have on my mind rn is youre going down by sick puppies. his music taste is just mine, but to match with my headworld i think he would really like classical/piano music.

anything and everything embarassing he's done haunts him, but his definition of 'embarassed' is just extra violently angry. i'd say losing a fight, but to *HIM* losing a fight is leaving the opponent alive, which he never does. maybe the times he's on occasion flirted with dragons on missions (he's very charming, cannibalism be damned) and they flirt back. its the only embarassing thing that doesnt make him unfathomably angry -- he just can't bring himself to be pissed over it.

he IS a vampire. he's technically also a werewolf. but i think if you had to choose i'd say werewolf. maybe he'd stop drinking people's blood. (who am i kidding, he probably wouldnt)

purple scarf with burnt tip

httyd. he would be like if toothless was just a wild animal with no empathy or compassion and also was really fucking hungry. for blood

i need to fully decide on this. mel's bed is a huge water bed shaped like a jellyfish but he is ME so he would probably sleep like me. flat on his stomach. he has no sheets, he's a koboreal and koboreals don't get cold; ESPECIALLY NOT HIM. he does not snore and does not sleepwalk. you'd expect both because of how loud and deranged he is when conscious, but he sleeps like a dead body.

he would probably choose koketira but i think he'd make the best podcast with amara. they'd probably just do some kind of chatter podcast talking about their experiences. too bad technology is tasreradian exclusive.

spinosaurus.

he is canonically really good at dancing; but AWFUL at freestyle. he can only do it well if he's told exactly what to do, but because of his inability to take advice without getting real bitchy about it, he never gets a chance to shine.

killing and eating people. he's awful he's literally a terrible person i could list so many but mostly his egotistical-ness and his lack of compassion for other creatures. he doesn't believe he's at the center of the universe, merely that everyone ELSE isn't. he treats other dragons like npcs in a video game (quite literally a huge basis of his early life behaviour.) he is basically just all of my negative traits shoved into a character and amped up to 100.

if you asked people his negative traits?

amara would say he has some bad influences, and can be a bit intense... but he means well.

mira would say he's a little mean, and gets really angry alot. but he's his best friend, so its okay!

topaz would approach the question from a methodical angle; he's sloppy when fighting, choosing to charge in and rip things to pieces rather than taking the time to think. he's impatient, but his lack of clarity in his demands just fuels his impatience. he gets very jealous, is enraged easily, and loves to place the blame on everyone but himself. ...but, otherwise, he's a good listener when you need someone to talk to.

izdaja and koke would probably say something wildly different because they met him at incredibly different points of his life.

barbarian. chaotic evil. my class and alignment because again he is Me

bugs. he can pry open a dragon's ribcage with his bare claws and eat their organs with a smile on his face, he can burn down an entire forest and kill dozens of rocokiri without remorse, he can steal, lie, murder, and hurt anything and anyone that comes in his path. but if he sees a fucking spider, he is DONE FOR. he's had nightmares about getting eaten alive by termites more times than he has claws to count on.

despite my love for music i unfortunately know jack shit about scales. he does canonically play piano, though. in a theme song made for him though i think he would have a cacophany of instruments in which an organ, drums and electric guitar are the most prominent.

he doesn't date.

he doesn't have a 'schedule,' as he hates restrictions. he stays up until he can't anymore. late, to him, is roughly 4 pm.

he only cries if it's;

a. crocodile tears

b. bodily/pain response. like if someone was cutting onions

he doesn't cry when he's sad. again; any and every negative wmotion he has is immediately transferred into rage.

he doesn't get embarassed really? but i think something he wouldn't like to bring up would probably be his poetry. he's known for being a skilled blacksmith & mechanic and an incredible fighter, not at all for his flowery words.

OK THATS ENOUGH MELPOSTING TONIGHT im done. bless

#melissa titanium #mel roars

[queersturbate]

how did you/your therapist know you had npd? what was the defining factor for you? (though i’m sure there are many!)

hey bro sorry i took so long to answer!! I wanted to think a lot about it to give you an in depth look into what having NPD feels and looks like!

OCD!Light anon if you're seeing this, I have not answered your ask. I will.

To the disorder i have tho!

Thank you for asking this question, I love to talk about how my NPD manifested throughout my adolescence and into adulthood because it's far trickier and more complex than anyone gives the disorder credit for, with it being so demonized and understudied.

So I'll start at the beginning basically. NPD is a personality disorder in the same cluster as BPD which basically everyone knows stems from intense, constant physical/emotional/verbal trauma. Many people don't realize it's the same for NPD as well, it just kind of flips, I guess? I can't speak much on BPD but NPD, looking back, my first symptoms started by just not caring. I didn't care if the people around me were happy or sad or angry or anything as long as I got what I wanted and I was happy and safe. I thought I was better than everyone in every way. That everyone was stupid compared to me, that I am above everyone else, and that no one else - or their feelings - mattered. Just mine. That's not to say I was an unfeeling monster or purposely went out of my way to cause physical or verbal harm to people. I just lacked empathy and was very, very apathetic. And I used what I could, my words, my manipulation, my etc, to get what I wanted, no matter if someone was hurt by it. I didn't care, but I also lacked the literal part of my brain that was supposed to make me feel those things. It wasn't an active choice. It was almost survival.

Okay, to put it into a scenario, imagine, you are 5 years old. And you are with your school friend. You two do not have a close bond, so your brain doesn't perceive their emotions and feelings as "valid". Because to you, and your tiny, abused, silly brain, they are there to be fun and then to leave eventually. So they don't matter. Now, imagine both of you have a ice cream cone, but yours is plain and theirs has sprinkles. You really want the sprinkles. And if you have a developing NPD brain, you think they do not deserve the sprinkles, you do. So you convince them to give you their ice cream cone. By any means necessary. Be it, "i thought you didnt like sprinkles, here :) i'll give you mine so you won't have to eat them" and basically force them to take yours, or another way. What matters is your brain thinks you deserve the sprinkles and even if your friend is sad about having to give up their ice cream with sprinkles, it doesn't matter to you. because YOU got to have it. And that's all you wanted.

Then came delusions. I believed I was a god, that I hold a type of power no one else could wield and that I was remarkably and wholeheartedly special. No one could compare to me. I was academically gifted, i always was, I was artistically gifted, I could draw and write well from an early age. I was incredibly well spoken and mature for my age (because of my abuse) and I was constantly teacher's favorites and I praised for all these things. This praise and outside enthusiastic love that people with NPD get is called "Narc Supply" (silly name) But basically it means that your brain has a little meter in your brain that fills or empties depending on how much praise you receive in a certain amount of time. When the meter is full, intense and sometimes the debilitating grandiose delusions come. When the meter is empty, a person with NPD may lash out, have angry outbursts, become catatonically depressed and even attempt suicide.

As I've gotten older people, much like people with personality disorders alike, I have learned what is socially acceptable and ideal. I have gained some empathy with growing up, albeit not much, and I am still very very apathetic and nihilistic towards the world and to people. A self aware person with NPD can act entirely different from someone who is not self aware. I am nice to people, even if I do not want to be, because I have learned it is beneficial in society. You can be a nice kind loving and gentle person with NPD. Developing the personality disorder in adolescence when your brain has not fully squished together yet and having complete NPD while being a fully formed adult are very different, and you need to look out for both past and present personality traits and behaviors.

TLDR;

The defining characteristics or factors I'd say for me all around are my personal relationships and how I view them. Are they important to me? Do I feel as if I have a bond with this person? Do I care about them if they were sad? - Another is my apathy and empathy. A lot of people with NPD say they feel little to no empathy towards humans but high empathy towards animals. - Another, my fixation on having everyone like me and approve of me and when I feel like that is necessary. When I have high Narc Supply I do not care what anyone thinks of me. I am basically a god and can do no wrong. When it is low I am basically groveling and begging for people to say they approve of smth I did. - Another, my delusions. Of course, delusions are a big one. If you are having constant thoughts of i am better than you. I am a god. You are nothing compared to me. then that's pretty indicative.

Here is a post from Redd.it (lost the user but I will put it if i can find it) that I think perfectly sums up what "faces" a person with NPD put on.

#anyway #i was pretty much rambling so sorry! #ask #anon #NPD #npd positivity #actually npd

[the-a-archives]

This may seem weird but I found you a little while ago and your age, pronouns, and alternate username reminded me of an author I used to know

I compared your work to work I had saved on my ao3 account and after getting enough courage to send this, I’d like to believe you’re the same person. would you happen to be rotz13? I noticed the account was deleted on here.

if it is you. Your writing is so different, it almost feels like you’ve hidden yourself to make your writing appealing to others. Where are the essay dumps? The religious notes? The random studies? but most importantly how r you?

If you're who I perceive you to be, then my warm heart and homesick tears are justified.

I am sorry you feel that way, and in a way you are correct. I'm shocked you went through all that work just to see if it was me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel special. I've been well as of late, but knowing you, I can provide more detail.

Long-winded post ahead.

My Fellow Lamb,

That account you've mentioned was one that I deleted back in late-2019. And years do not leave me where I don't regret ridding myself of that work I've spent so many hours on. Truthfully, the day I deleted that account, I was manic. Engulfed by the waters that I had poured into my own brain to drown myself. I'm not sure what caused it, perhaps the study you and I both know about where I performed psychological exercises on my own lack of empathy and record my answers to see if I was truly unfortunate.

When I reviewed my answers, I found myself confused on the basics of other's common sense. For example:

If two groups are on a set of train tracks, the train cannot be stopped, and you are the only person who can pull the lever to determine who the train hits. Who do you choose? The family of 5? The woman who's pregnant? Which one are more morally correct?

I find both of these scenarios distasteful for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, why and how did the train get into this situation? Where is the conductor? Is 911 not an option? Why are the individuals on the tracks in the first place? Why can't the option be that they move off the track? But disregarding all of that, I found that most people, would choose the pregnant woman. Upwards of 75% of people.

I don't know where my answer lies to this day.

It has driven me mad ever since, and I have looked for answers in most places. Including religions such as Christianity, Buddhism, Mormonism, even Scientology (whom I do not support). Mid-2021 I wrote this dilemma off as something I cannot answer because of my lack of religion.

Though, you know me, correct?

2024 would make my 7th year straight of studying Christianity and Catholicism as a conjoined theological research, which would also make this my 7th bible to annotate and compare with my other research. For those of you who do not know me, I was raised in these religions simultaneously, and since burdening the trauma that comes with it, my hyperfinite studies in these religions does not oppose my lack of religion.

You would be proud to hear my evolution, however. As I do not consider myself an atheist anymore, more of an agnostic. I attend church services as to get a clearer understanding of the faithful appeal Yahweh has on our populous as human beings, yet my hesitation to get too close as left me temporarily unfulfilled in these psychological findings.

I find myself wondering why I cannot be blissfully ignorant like these folk often times.

To answer your questions, I still write my essays on the side. Though, with school piling up, I find myself lost in thoughts rather than writing them down. I am apprehensive to write them down an post them, for the pandemic has brought on different minds with essays and more often than not-- people are disinterested.

To follow up with this, however, I have changed the way I write, and what I write about. I've found that people adore upfront plots and writing to accompany it. So I have... shortened what I have to say in order to appease these demands. But you are correct, they are quaint and unlike me. And I yearn for my rambles about topics I adore.

For you, I might consider this route and delete everything.

I hope you are well, my lamb.

Cordially,

A.

#anon ask #ask #religion #essay writing #research #theology #christianity #catholiscism #i've missed this