#but when it was not possible to do that id use male pronouns to try how i felt with them. the thing is that every fucking time i did that

[vazaez]

that’s not very cis of you

BYE🛌

It's complicated alright 😭💀

#a lil personal story about this now that the topic came up: #some time ago i started questioning my gender identity but i didnt like the spanish they/them pronouns on myself #they just didnt sit right lol #so i tried using gender neutral language (ig yall know spanish is one of the many languages that is VERY gendered #even fcking objects have their own 'gender' lmao) so yea if it pas possible i phrased what i said abt myself in a pronounless way #but when it was not possible to do that id use male pronouns to try how i felt with them. the thing is that every fucking time i did that #some dude in a gc i was in said 'dO u hAvE a D¡cK????' and it made me really uncomfy as if i needed it to be able to use those pronouns 🧍 #LITERALLY EVERY TIME so eventually i gave up because i thought what's the point of finding my identity if it wont be respected anyways? #so yea im resigned to be seen as the same I was born with the same i've always been and the same everyone knows me #dont get me wrong i dont always hate being a girl but sometimes it makes me curious how would it be if i wasnt #and i dont mind what pronouns ppl use with me most of the time as long as it's not with a bad intention #I've wondered if maybe i'm a she/they? idk i just gave up thinking about it #at least for now. i have my whole ass life to find out what or who i am so i don't feel there's a need to rush tbh #woah this rant got rlly long sorry lol idk if anyone will read this far 🏃 #btw it's not only about that guy but he made me constantly remember that most people at least here in latam are very closed minded #just like him so if i ended up finding an identity i was happy with it wouldnt be respected by most people irl anyways #i'm not in that gc anymore tho #i hope i was able to like explain well what i mean? i don't wanna seem like i gave up that easily just because some dude was being a jerk #it's just that i'm kind of an overthinker

[genderqueerdykes]

Things commonly asked while questioning one's gender

Here are some questions you may ask yourself if you are in the process of questioning your gender; if these questions have occurred to you, or create a dialogue or reaction in you, you could possibly have an experience that falls under the trans* umbrella. PLEASE note that NONE of these are REQUIREMENTS for being trans- people have asked me to lay out some basic questions you can ask yourself or a checklist and this is what i've come up with so far:

Does being called by my birth name bother me? would i be happier going by a different name of a different gender or a different name somehow?

Do the pronouns assigned with my birth gender feel inaccurate somehow? would i be happier if i changed my pronouns? does the gender marker assigned to me on licenses and IDs bother me or feel inaccurate?

Does the way other people address me affect me? does the way other people perceive me and assign gendered terms and roles to me in passive conversation bother me? does it bother me that people treat me like a "man" or "woman" when that's not how i feel? does it bother me when people aggressively call me sir, ma'am, lady, man, sister, brother, etc.

When engaging in roleplay or thought exercises, do i find myself naturally envisioning myself as a different gender, or creating characters of a different gender because it feels more safe, natural or comfortable to me while doing thought exercises or fantasizing? do i find that it comes easily to me to put myself in the shoes of another gender, perhaps even moreso than my agab?

Do I find myself relating to one gender moreso than others whenever I engage with fiction? do I find that I wish I could be a lot more like characters of a certain gender ? Do I find that it's easier to project myself on to characters of a different gender?

Do i feel trapped, uncomfortable, upset, irritated, or freaked out when other people comment on how feminine or masculine i am? do i feel like they are wrong in how they see me? do i feel uncomfortable when separated by genders with my peers? do i feel alienated when assigned to be partnered up with one gender but more at home with another? do i feel as though i'm forced to use the incorrect gendered spaces like restrooms?

Would i feel better or more free if i tried to look for different clothing? do the clothes i wear now feel wrong, restrictive, uncomfortable, or in some other way like they are not mine or do not suit me?

Do i wish my voice were lower or higher? does my internal view of how my voice should sound match how it does, and do i feel like i should change that to feel more comfortable and safe, or more like myself?

Do i wish my body were different in some way? does my internal view of how i look match how my body looks? is there something that's wrong or makes me feel uncomfortable? is there something that would make me happier if i changed it, like my musculature, fat distribution, facial structure, hair growth, and so on? do i feel as though something is missing, or needs to go?

Do I feel as though the genders described to me by others just don't fit? do i feel as though i just cannot fit into the boxes of male and female? do i feel as though no matter what gender i try to identify with , it is still inaccurate? do i find that i have an experience with a gender, but it's nothing like how most other people describe their experiences?

Do i wish that i could have more freedom in my presentation and identity? would being able to change my identity on occasion be more beneficial to me? is it too difficult for me to nail down an exact identity and it would be easier for me to identify with a more nebulous term like genderlessness? do overly rigid pre-defined genders or presentations make me feel trapped or left out?

Would i feel more comfortable if i were the one defining the terms i identify with as opposed to other people assigning them to me based upon how i look, sound and act?

Do i feel as though it is not possible for me to be cis no matter what way i try to present or which genders i identify with?

Do I find myself naturally looking up to gender non conforming, trans, nonbinary and other queer people in general? do i find that the way they go about presenting their genders and interacting with gender makes more sense than how cis people approach gender?

this is not an attempt at a diagnostic tool, nor is it required for you to experience ALL of these things, or even most of them. every trans person experiences something different. i'm presenting a list of common questions people ask themselves while questioning their gender. we will continue to add as we think of things

#trans #transgender #transsexual #trans man #trans woman #mtf #ftm #trans men #trans boy #trans lady #trans girl #trans girls #trans boys #enby #nonbinary #genderqueer #genderfluid #maverique #neutrois #xenogender #resources #save #our writing

[dc-polls]

"That Really Happened?!" DC Comics Tournament Entry #34

Shvaughn/Sean

[ID: Cover of Legion of Super-Heroes #1 that says Young Romance. Shvaughn Erin cries into a handkerchief and says, "*choke* He spends so much time saving the world... When will he find time for me?" In the foreground Element Lad looks off into the distance. A narration box reads, "All my life, happiness eluded my grasp... and nothing I ever cared about lasted! Was this the way it had to be with Jan, too? The Elements of Heartbreak!" /END ID]

What Happened?

Shvaughn Erin was a member of the Science Police, the 30th-century cops who assisted (or hindered) the Legion of Super-Heroes. During the Paul Levitz/Keith Giffen run in the 1980s, she became romantically involved with Legionnaire Jan "Element Lad" Arrah. This upset some members of the Legion fan community who had a theory that Jan was gay. The character wasn't traditionally masculine, wore pink, and had curly blond hair (look, this just how gay coding worked in the 70s and 80s).

When Giffen and married couple Tom and Mary Bierbaum (who got their start in the Legion fan community) took over the title with 1989's vol. 4 (aka, the "Five Years Later" run), one of the things that Giffen wanted to do was kill off Shvaughn to establish Element Lad as gay. They were already using Jan's archenemy, the criminal Roxxas who years ago had genocided the rest of the his species, the matter-transmuting Trommites, as the villain for the first arc. Shvaughn was eventually spared this fate, but the writers still had to square the circle of why a "gay" character would be involved with a woman. Their solution? What if "she" was a "he?"

I'm going to try to explain the rest of this story in as sensitive a way as possible. This is a story that was written in 1992 by, as far as I know, three cishet people and your millage will vary (and as a cis person myself, I can't really speak to how well this holds up). I will generally be using she/her pronouns when the character is presenting as Shvaughn and he/him when presenting as Sean.

In Legion of Super-Heroes, vol. 4 #31, the Earth is recovering from the devastation of losing the moon due to the machinations of the alien Dominators who have infiltrated and subverted the planetary government (note also, the Dominators have an extremely problematic "yellow peril" design so there's a lot going on here). In the midst of this, Jan and Shvaughn meet for the first time in a while. Jan finds out that Shvaughn is going through withdrawal from not being able to obtain the drug Profem. She explains that she had been born male under the name Sean on a very conservative planet. While growing up, Sean developed a crush on Element Lad, who as a teenager was intergalactically famous as a member of the Legion. Thinking that the only way a boy like Jan would find him attractive, Sean started taking Profem, changed her name to Shvaughn, enrolled in the Science Police academy, and eventually became the liaison to the Legion. Now, without access to the drug, Shvaughn is reverting back to her more masculine appearance.

Jan takes all of this in, before telling his former lover that "anything we ever shared physically...it was in spite of the Profem, not because of it!" Shvaughn later runs into the teenage clone of Element Lad from the Dominator's Batch SW6 (we can't get into that right now), and in future appearances shows up fully presenting as masculine and going by Sean. The adult Element Lad goes into a coma and Sean is at his bedside.

Then the Legion gets rebooted in Zero Hour, all of the Legionnaires are teens again with new continuity, and Shvaughn (when she shows up at all) is back to presenting as female with no indication that she was ever Sean. Element Lad (unless I missed anything) is only given female love interests or sexual partners by later writers, or implied to be asexual with a spiritual bend.

While Shvaughn is far from the first female love interest who gets her storyline derailed to support a gay headcanon, it is surprising that it 1. happened in canon and 2. the solution was not to kill her off, but to reveal she is trans (ish?) so the character can detransition back to a man so that his love interest can be gay. What's really weird is that Giffen and the Bierbaums also made canon a romance between Light/Lightning Lass and Shrinking Violet, but never felt a need to invalidate their previous relationships with male partners, which maybe points towards the culture of the time's perceptions of male vs. female bisexuality.

--

Tournament polls will be posted after all entries are up. As always you can find all posts related to the tournament using #dc-polls-trh

#dc-polls-trh #dc comics #shvaughn erin #jan arrah #element lad #legion of super heroes #losh

[faulty-writes]

Hii! Idk if you write for male readers, but if you do could you possible write head-cannons for Iida x a trans masc reader? If not thats ok!!

Also your writing is so top tier its insane

[ Hello Anon, my blog is LGBT+ friendly and as long as the LGBT+ themed requests aren't too over the top or gruesome, I'll happily write whatever. In general, I try to keep my pieces gender neutral but requests are different. If the requester specifically wants a female or male or anything in between reader insert, I'll do as they wish. It doesn't matter to me, honestly. Also thank you, I enjoy writing very much and I'm always happy when others enjoy my writing. I hope I did your request justice! ]

Tenya naturally made every effort to understand your transgender masculine experiences, in addition to providing unwavering support. He realized it was quite difficult trying to match up to or chase after the identity you desired, but he was known for his speed and would pridefully assist you in reaching your goals.

"Hm, I see. And what challenges do individuals in your predicament typically experience?" He took a direct and educational approach to learning more about you as he realized he was quite innocently ignorant of the troubles the transgender and gender-affirming community faced. While talking to Tenya was more like talking to a therapist, you told him all you were comfortable telling him.

He would assist you in finding the appropriate resources such as proper support groups, organizations, and counseling services. He found that despite being skilled as a lifestyle guidance counselor, Hound Dog was not the most appropriate one to go to for your unique situation.

"Do you require any assistance with these papers?" While it was a headache, he realized that you may prefer pronouns outside the "male-female" binary. As such, he wanted to ensure that whatever pronouns you chose were properly reflected in your school documentation and other forms of ID.

Tenya would assist you in finding helpful resources, such as support groups, counseling services, or organizations that assist transgender and or gender-affirming individuals. In addition, he would assist in accessing relevant information regarding support networks for you.

"Hm, I see. I will gladly assist you in this dilemma," he would approach sensitive conversations, such as which bathroom you preferred to use, with a great sense of empathy and understanding to ensure your emotional well-being.

He acted as a constant reminder that you needed to be confident and proud of who you are. While you knew he was trying to help, at times you felt suffocated by him. However, you understood that the importance of self-acceptance and self-respect was not to be underestimated.

"I see, today has been particularly hard for you. I apologize. However, I am quite content if you wish to stay here. I will do my best to provide you with the appropriate comfort," he understands the emotional challenges that you might face and always tries to be a dependable source of emotional support for you.

"I do hope this is not overwhelming, but I assure you that I and the rest of the students in Class A as well as a few select students from Class B will always provide you with the social circle you desire as well as a supportive environment," he stated, after all having a steady supportive environment was essential for growth.

He recognized the importance of transgender and gender-affirming rights and with your permission, helped raise awareness about and promote LGBT+ awareness within the community of Yuuei High. This usually included making posters, speaking about LGBT issues at provided class meetings, and so on.

#tenya x reader #iida x reader #iida x y/n #tenya x y/n #tenya x you #iida x you #bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha x y/n #tenya iida x reader #faulty writes: tenya iida: 23 #faulty writes: tenya iida: headcanons: 23

[corwly]

sooooooo i guess i'll say it

to the people who are bitching about ship polls, no one gives a shit. stop being so disrespectful and dramatic about people enjoying things. no one has the right to send death threats based on a fucking poll on a hellsite.

i will admit i'm a younger user. i'm 20 years old and i am gender queer whatever doesn't matter but i am afab and lived most of my life as fem presenting/using she/her pronouns. seeing people say that "oh you hate women cause you voted for the ship with male presenting characters" jesus fucking christ. get a hold of yourselves i am guessing you're older than me but i have never met or interacted with someone who is fandom oriented that is around my age that gives so much of a shit.

if you are not emotionally mature enough to admit that other people enjoy different things from you maybe don't look at the polls??? have you thought of that???

this post is in direct response to this poll

the notes/tags in this are full of homophobia and calling those who voted aziraphale/crowley women haters and all that jazz.

and guess what i couldn't find! good omens fans hating on dr who!!

but what was extremely prevalent?

i'll show you!

like yeah nothing is fucking perfect why do you think amazon prime picked up this show over another company. it makes people happy! the world is changing and you all need to get over it.

and before anyone says shit about me not having seen dr who or being biased, i watched dr who. i didn't like it much and that should be just fine. i get why people don't like good omens and that is also just fine. i honestly didn't like rose as a character much either but that doesn't mean i hate women. i don't usually like women characters written by men for a male audience which, btw, is what dr who does.

it is absolutely possible to exist on the same website without saying you're going to kill the author and writer of whatever fucking media because a different ship won some stupid poll.

i didn't even vote in this! i've never voted on one cause i know how absolutely fucking upset id be about it. i actively try to avoid them but when this came up i was immediately upset and had to start blocking people cause jesus fucking christ let other people be happy and let another fandom enjoy something.

i am not a "new tumblr user" because i like good omens. i have been on and off this shit site for like 8 or 9 years now due to this absolute buffoonery.

just sit the fuck down and stop being stuck in your teenage years when things were more simple. it is 2023 and most people have grown past superwholock cause it's actually not 2013 surprisingly. enjoy things without it being a war of what's better and maybe idk give a new show a chance without thinking it's going to revoke something from you. we are literally all just people trying to enjoy shit and you are making it literally so fucking nasty to even try too.

thanks

#ship polls #good omens #dr who fandom #yeah i fucking tagged it i'm not a coward #dr who

[blackrabbittwst]

When you out charcater x reader does that mean its gn? Im asking because theres a lot of writers who write "character x reader" and ppl assume its gender neutral when it has fem pronouns used.. id just like to know what im going to get myself into before diving right in and then be dissapointed yk?? if you could state the gender of the reader in the future (whether its female, male, or gn) that would be really appreciated 💖

So I try my best to write gender neutral by default, which is state in my rules. I completely understand what you’re asking though. Unless specified otherwise, all requests and prompts will be gender neutral. I think the only specific prompts I posted was the Queen!S/O prompt.

As AFAB, I try my best to remove all genders associated to my personal gender but it is very possible I can make a mistake. So, if you do notice that I made a slip up, don’t hesitate to PM me and I can fix it really quickly so you can continue to enjoy my writing!

I do understand your concern though, so I can go back on my previous posts and quickly add pronoun/gender associations at the top since it’ll be easy to add and I am small enough now that I can do it efficiently.

I do hope this clears up any misunderstandings and I hope you have a good day 🥰

#blackrabbittwst #ask #answered asks

[jarvis-cockhead]

. thinking

#thinking about how im comfortable with being a woman but i also think id be comfortable being a man #but i wouldnt change myself bcause i also like being a woman i just kinda wish there was the option to be both #but there isnt so i guess it doesnt really matter because im ok with being a girl #and i wouldnt call myself trans and i dont think theres much point trying to do anything about it #its just something ill always wish was possible i guess. ill never know what its like to be a man but ill always wish i could #is this normal? ive never questioned it before #i guess i will just live vicariously through my male main characters #why isnt there a button i can press to choose whenever i want... when will they invent this #i guess i dont really see myself in a typical way in terms of gender. im just me #but its also not really... i dont know like im not changing anything about myself im not using other pronouns #so its not trans and i wouldnt want to feel like im trying to force my way into spaces i dont belong #i just .. i just dont want to exist within societies boxes. ill be on that confusing spectrum on my own terms please #but yeah .. . well tldr the fact that i cant have a cock if i want is devastating and the world is cruel and evil

[irrelevant13]

Neopronouns are harmful to multiple communities and heres why:

Id like to preface this post by saying, neopronouns objectively don't ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY hurt trans people. However, the culture and nuance surrounding them hurts trans people as well as neurodivergient/disabled people and non native English speakers.

How they harm the trans community: 

We already have gender neutral pronouns. They and them. Neopronouns are unnecessary things for micro-genders and mogai identities. identities that have not been proven to exist unlike transmen and transwomen's identities. No, college theory papers do not count as scientific evidence for the “gender spectrum” in the brain. I don’t care if it makes you happy to be called “catself” just don’t call yourself trans because of it. Calling yourself transgender because you use neopronouns is bad for everyone because, you’re appropriating a medical condition (GD), often spreading the harmful rhetoric that dysphoria is not needed to be transgender, and you’re making the community look less credible because choosing to use neopronouns makes it seem as though you choose to be trans. 

the idea of xenogenders is just transphobic and mocking in general. it follows the "gender is a social construct" that gender critical people also follow, and completely detaches gender from sex (when they should be intrinsically linked).

What makes it possible to be transgender is that we have clearly defined what is and is not masculine and feminine, for better or for worse; and though we know the walls between what makes something "male" or "female" is slowly crumbling (which is a good thing), the euphoria of transition is being acknowledged as one or the other. Gender non-conformity is simply sitting on the wall (or trying to pull it down!). All this makes sense. You present as a male, a female, a mix of the two or a rejection of either.  Neopronouns act as if there is something wrong with being "male" or "female", or that being gender non-conforming isn't enough. It is selfish—not using a slur is common courtesy, but there is no clearly defined construct that is being offended when "xe" goes on a rant on Tumblr. They are personally offended that society refuses to make a special place for their "gender" that they've assembled from playing a particular video game too much, or watching one anime on repeat for years at a time. They will never be pleased because as long as their pronouns reflect an imaginary psychosexual construct, there will be new imaginary goalposts for how and why they need to be treated by others.

Neopronouns are harmful because society at large sees that and believes most trans people are that way and condone the use of neopronouns.

How they are harmful towards non-native english speakers: 

those who use neopronouns have to be unaware of the absolute linguistic nightmare their “pronouns” are. Sentences become super hard to understand with informal neopronouns. Pronouns are supposed to make it as easy to refer to people as possible. They’re intended to be extremely vague. Not literal nicknames. That just makes pronouns useless ESPECIALLY the people who request that you use multiple of their “pronouns” and change it up. The subject of the sentence is unintelligible when that happens. 

English is already difficult (i’m a native English speaker), but adding more unnecessary vocabulary makes it even worse.

Neopronouns are ableist: 

I have ADHD as well as anxiety and depression and they make it REALLY difficult for me to remember basic things. Trying to remember a group of peoples neopronouns is unnecessarily stressful and it physically causes me pain because I’m worried I’m going to get called transphobic by these people for not using their “pronouns”

neopronouns are viewed as valid, is because “neurodivergent/autistic people have a difficult time understanding gender,” and neopronouns make it easier. A lot of autistic people say that this implies they’re not able of comprehending gender and gender identity as well as neurotypical people. 

Objectively speaking: 

Neopronouns are useless and annoying. Pronouns are made to be vague descriptor words, not nicknames, not emojis. We have male and female pronouns and we have gender neutral pronouns. We don’t need to make it anymore confusing to accommodate non-dysphoric 13 year olds. 

#trans hot takes #trans discourse #neopronoun discourse #neopronouns #neopronouns are pointless #noun pronouns #transmed #truscum #trans #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #bisexual #gay #lesbian

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

#discourse #venting #tired of being pulled in opposing directions #because im not the right kinda trans #or the right kinda feminist #i have to live with myself and i dont know how #focusing back on what actually matters in life #just thoughts #gender politics #ok to rb

[comrade-meow]

Bad data generates bad research; bad research generates bad treatments; bad treatments generate bad outcomes. The physiological differences between males and females are vast, and stamp their mark on every organ of the human body, not just the genitals and gonads. Ignoring these differences will muddle our data, blur our understanding of physiology, and hinder the discovery of new treatments for diseases. Females are much more likely than males to have autoimmune disorders. Males are more likely than females to develop Parkinson’s disease. Males and females may present with different symptoms preceding a heart attack. Males and females metabolize drugs differently. Blatantly ignoring sex as a variable hobbles the process of scientific inquiry and limits the types of questions that researchers will ask, thereby limiting the answers they get.

About this story: last November I came across some anonymous tweets from a person claiming to be a medical student at an American university where professors were teaching that sex is a social construct. I decided to try to find out if these claims were real, and I contacted the Twitter user, striking up a conversation with “C”. We agreed to meet on a Zoom call, and that C would show me C’s student ID, with their name and the name of the school covered, and that we would then do a written interview. C’s desire for strict anonymity is well founded in my eyes, due to the damage that could be inflicted on C’s career prospects if they were caught speaking to a publication about the ideological lies being peddled and the culture of fear at their institution.

On our thirty minute Zoom call, I met a highly intelligent, critical-minded, and determined young person who was expressing deep concern over the ways that gender identity ideology is distorting the teaching of medicine and the repercussions this may lead to in our next generation of doctors.

C held up their ID so I could see their picture on what was clearly a medical school ID. C told me their school can be categorized as “top tier.”

The irony of using “they/them” pronouns for a single person is not lost on me. I find it interesting that due to the tyranny of gender ideology, I must adhere to one of their tenets and accept the use of the plural pronoun for a single person whose sex I know. But the fact that I have to do this is because any information about C could potentially be enough to raise suspicion (just read their words to understand the climate of intimidation they witness in class everyday), and the knowledge of an individual’s sex is still a crucial identifying feature, no matter what the gender ideologues want us to believe.

C and I agreed that I would offer people on Twitter an opportunity to pose their questions directly and that C would respond in written form. Out of the many responses, the medical student chose what they considered some of the most representative and important of the questions. These are their answers below, beginning with a short message they wanted me to share.

-Sasha White

Thank you, Sasha, for having offered me this valuable opportunity to answer these questions. Before we start, I would like to clarify my stance on basic issues regarding sex and gender identity, so that people can keep these in mind while reading.

Biological sex is not a social construct – male and female are distinct material realities which have significant implications for medical and surgical treatment of many different conditions. These physiological differences are relevant on the levels of clinical practice, research, and policy, and absolutely must be acknowledged in order for physicians to best treat their patients. All patients should be treated with compassion, respect, and high-quality medical care, regardless of their professed gender identity. I remain agnostic as to what it truly means to have a “gender identity”, but will respect the wishes of my future patients in regards to their social presentation and pronouns. I believe that dysphoric adults should be able to pursue transition. Physicians should be aware of relevant aspects of trans healthcare, including hormone therapy and surgery, so that they can better advise trans patients on how medical treatments may impact their gender-related care, or vice versa. It is possible and desirable for us to have a healthcare system which is inclusive and respectful of transgender patients, in a way which does not pretend that biology is arbitrary or merely a social construct. Despite my liberal beliefs, the loudest voices at my institution would falsely accuse me of blowing transphobic dog-whistles, hence my anonymity. This hostile climate is corrosive to an inquiry mindset and critical thinking, and will ultimately be a disservice to the scientific community and to future patients, trans and otherwise.

IDD64 @IDD64 asks: “What happened to “nobody’s saying sex isn’t real”?”

This is actually what compelled me to speak out about this practice in the first place. Well-intentioned non-medical people often assume that medical schools are teaching something like, “Gender identity can be fluid and varied, but biological sex is real, binary, and relevant in medical contexts.” This idea is around five years out of date in the most progressive of institutions. I have been told multiple times in several classes that biological sex is a social construct – not just gender. Granted, I can speak only for my institution, but this change has been frustrating and disturbing to witness.

Robert Woolley @RandomlyBob asks: “Do any of the required textbooks also avoid using those words? If not, might you ask those professors if they think the books are either inaccurate or offensive?”

Our curriculum is constantly subject to revision. Around two-thirds of our written materials have been updated with this new language. For the one-third that has remained out-of-date, our class has received multiple apologetic, itemized emails from course instructors in which they provide corrections, beg for forgiveness and patience, and avow to “do better”. In class, we have been given multiple histories in which the patient’s sex has been deleted, even for cases involving disorders which can manifest differently between the sexes. The words “female” and “male” are being erased and replaced.

Born a space baby @ggynoid asks: “What’s the dynamic like for class participation? Do people start with pronouns? Do people tend to agree, disagree? What’s the female-male ratio in the class typically on these sort[s] of classes?”

When school first began, we were heavily encouraged to include pronouns in our Zoom names and email signatures; around 70-80% of the class did so. Most students and professors would start off verbal introductions with their name and pronouns, though that has subsided since we all have grown to know each other.

A vocal minority of students are loudly in favor of the most extreme aspects of gender ideology, while the majority seem to be vaguely supportive in a nonspecific way. I think that this comes from a mixture of naive goodwill and fear – they are trying to be good allies, and this is the only way they know how. Additionally, it is heavily implied that to ask critical questions, even in a way which is ultimately patient-centered and supportive, is perpetuating bigotry, so they just nod along. A silent minority seems to be secretly skeptical. I have met four or five students who have disclosed to me in private conversation that they disagree with one or more aspects of this dogma but they are hesitant to come forward in group settings. I am sure that more exist, but they are hard to find. None of these people have been transphobic.

The female-male ratio is approximately equal, with slightly more females than males in my class.

David Poole @MrDPoole asks: “Do you think the people telling you these things actually believe it or are they being forced to do it?”

I think that a very small minority of our professors actually believe that male and female bodies are interchangeable with the exception of genitalia and gonads. There are definitely more woke students than woke professors, and the most radical of students are far more radical than the wokest professor. Most of these professors are very fearful of saying the wrong thing, so they delicately couch their language by referring to “XX and XY people” or other such euphemisms, even though that can lead to inaccuracies.

The social consequences for misspeaking are highly magnified, especially when most classes are delivered online (due to the pandemic). Our class has been quietly accused of having a mean streak in regards to social justice. We have had petitions circulated (drafted by few, signed by many) to name, shame, and “hold accountable” various lecturers who used the “wrong” language, to the point of humiliation. One professor broke down crying after a genetics lecture which relied heavily on the use of “male” and “female” by necessity. (Though the lecture also made ample space to talk about transgender and non-binary individuals, this was not enough to appease the critics.) Another professor referred to “pregnant women” rather than “pregnant people” and spent a very uncomfortable few minutes after class abjectly apologizing for having caused offense “by implying that only women can get pregnant”. It was incredibly disturbing to see, for multiple reasons. One, this is based on bad science and zealotry that has the potential to harm patients. Two, the magnitude of the “crime” pales in comparison to the magnitude of the outcry. Three, it is a total inversion of the expected social order to see these physicians —some of whom are literally leading scholars in their field— be reduced to fearful puddles if a student so much as looks at them askance. Keep in mind that these professors are extremely liberal, compassionate, and well-meaning, yet they are turned upon with such venom and verve by the people who they are trying to please.

Chopper @RodeoChopper asks: How are cases presented? Normally the first line is “This is a such and such year old (male/female) with a past medical history significant for…”

Here are some examples of formats I have seen in our coursework:

“This is a 43-year-old woman with ovaries, presenting with …”

“A 3-year-old child, assigned male at birth, not assigned gender as of yet by parents, presenting with …”

“This patient is a 7-year-old child, gendered as a boy by his parents, who …”

“57-year-old woman with testes, here with …”

“A 16-year-old patient (gender non-binary, pronouns they/them) …”

“A 32-year-old woman (she/her/hers) …”

“A 16-year-old patient presents with complaints of …”

Of the myriad problems with this structure, the most concerning is that most of these cases do not accurately identify the sex of the patient, which is crucial in being able to weigh the likelihood of potential diagnoses and treatments. A person’s pronouns are not relevant when deciding to prescribe a particular antibiotic, and at which dose. Additionally, I find it somewhat irritating to be expected to state the obvious for things that are the default of the human experience. We do not say, “This is a 42-year-old woman with both her arms and legs”, although there are certainly women in this world who are missing one or more of their limbs.

MaryWrath @WrathMary asks: “So how are reproductively different bodies described then? How are cardiac arrest and stroke symptoms described, explained and taught as we know now they present differently across the two sexes? There are clearly two bodies in our species so how are the professors acknowledging?”

Organs are referred to by their actual names – penis, testes, vagina, ovaries, breasts. However, referring to patients as male or female is strictly taboo. If there are relevant but subtle sex-specific differences, then they will often be downplayed or ignored altogether. As an example, we were told that the higher risk of heart attacks in men was due only to the presence of testosterone, and not for any other reason, which is patently false. When the differences are utterly impossible to ignore, “male” and “female” will simply be rebranded as “people with testes/ovaries”, “AMAB/AFAB”, or “people with/without Y chromosomes”. My personal favorite is “persons with [testosterone/estrogen] as their primary sex hormone.” Oddly, “man” and “woman” are still used, often with redundant qualifiers (“56-year-old man with testes”).

thames pilgrim @thames_pilgrim asks: “What are the most dangerous medical implications for turning a blind eye to someone’s sex due to a belief that talking about “male” and “female” might offend?”

This is a very important question which should be addressed at the following interrelated levels: clinical practice, research, and public policy.

Clinical practice: Transgender patients who do not disclose their birth sex might be at risk for improper medical treatment. (I have seen a natal female person who identified as a nonbinary man, be suspected of having testicular torsion; this person did not disclose their sex to the physician, which resulted in a delay in their care). Out of fear of being branded transphobic, physicians may not accurately and completely inform trans patients about their sex-specific risk for certain medical conditions. And for all patients, if a poorly-educated doctor is unaware as to how disorders manifest differently between the sexes, then patients can be harmed through the failure to rapidly and accurately diagnose and treat their medical conditions.

Research: Bad data generates bad research; bad research generates bad treatments; bad treatments generate bad outcomes. The physiological differences between males and females are vast, and stamp their mark on every organ of the human body, not just the genitals and gonads. Ignoring these differences will muddle our data, blur our understanding of physiology, and hinder the discovery of new treatments for diseases. Females are much more likely than males to have autoimmune disorders. Males are more likely than females to develop Parkinson’s disease. Males and females may present with different symptoms preceding a heart attack. Males and females metabolize drugs differently. Blatantly ignoring sex as a variable hobbles the process of scientific inquiry and limits the types of questions that researchers will ask, thereby limiting the answers they get.

Policy: Patients who are not transgender may be misled by “inclusive” educational materials and miss out on crucial preventative care. This is especially impactful in women’s health; whether due to language barrier, subpar sex education, or cultural taboo, not every woman will even know that she has a cervix, but she will know that she is female. Additionally, recommendations made by professional medical associations are widely used in clinical practice; if these guidelines are generated based on faulty data, this could negatively impact patients on a wider scale.

However, the most pernicious of possible harms is not the denial of sex; rather, the denial of sex is just one manifestation of a greater problem, which is the corrosion of critical thinking itself. Whatever you call it – this postmodern poison, the triumph of dogma over data – it is fundamentally incompatible with critical thinking, the most powerful all-purpose tool a physician has at his or her disposal. Starting with a conclusion and working backwards, all while twisting the data to fit a narrative, strikes me as more religious than scientific.

Marjorie Hutchins @leakylike asks: “Part of being a doctor is taking on ethical & safeguarding responsibilities[.] Why aren’t medical students challenging something which [could] have health implications for patients?”

Our positions as students are precarious, especially if one is labeled as being on the wrong side of history. Consequences for speaking out can include shunning, being anonymously reported to the school for “remediation”, being informally blacklisted from research and leadership opportunities, and potentially expulsion. Until I have earned my degree and have completed residency, I need to remain anonymous. To do otherwise would be to kill my career before it has even begun, which would also limit my ability to help many more patients in the future.

Although I am very biased, I think it should be on the onus of administration and our tenured professors to stand up against this madness, rather than on lone students to publicly put themselves at risk of debt and ruin. For now, I resist in the small ways that I can; I wish to do so more publicly when I am more secure.

#Anglo.txt

[sohin-ace]

May I request Brunos gang headcannons with a new transgender male member? It doesnt have to be romantic and id rather it not be. Please message me if you have questions. Some details id like to see: He is around the same age as Trish and no longer can live with his parents. He doesnt have much money so he binds his chest with bandages and fabric he can find. He hasn't transitioned at all and his gender isnt obvious. his hair is cut poorly due to cutting it himself. i hope this is okay!

This was hard to do. Trans identity is tricky to write as a non-Trans writer. Hopefully I did you justice!

Non rom.

Bucci gang w/ a Transgender male member HC

Bucciarati

The most understanding of the group.

He's horrified that such a young person has to live by themselves, especially if your gender identity is the reason you have no caretakers.

He makes sure to introduce you properly to the team and makes them understand your situation, so that you feel comfortable around everyone.

You're part of the family now, it doesn't matter what you look like or what you identify as.

Will ask you if it's okay for you to go undercover as female for specific missions, or it's that's too uncomfortable.

If you'd rather not it's okay, Fugo will do.

He comes back one day with a package on one arm.

Turns out it's a custom made binder, all perfectly fitted to your specific body type and size!

So that's why he was so insistent on taking your measurements, without ever explaining why... That sly man.

Still, you couldn't be more grateful. Those things were so expensive.

"As long as you feel comfortable and stay in good health, I'm satisfied, Y/N."

Abbachio

He's the last one to care.

If anything, the thing he hates about you is that offensive hairstyle, are you kidding him?

Boy, girl, mischief, he doesn't care what your gender is or what's in your pants, he just doesn't want you to disrespect his eyes with such a horrendous haircut.

Like, seriously, who hurt you?

Takes you apart and forces your ass on a chair to actually give you a proper cut/shave.

Bucciarati is here too, to give advice on what looks good and works for your face shape and hair texture.

Abbachio has a fairly feminine appearance himself and hardly ever follows gender norms, so he's not fazed by your own neutral or 'confusing' physique.

Just tell him your pronouns already, or else he'll call you 'Brat' out of doubt, that's pretty gender neutral.

Would appreciate it if you trusted him enough to confess about your dysphoria, as he is victim of it as well.

Yes, even a Cis-man can feel dysphoric from time to time. Please pull each other up.

Giorno

As expected of him, he is very respectful.

The very first time he mistook you for a girl, but immediately apologized for his mistake and never got it wrong again.

In fact, he was so kind and polite about it, it's impossible to stay mad at him.

Afterwards he asks a lot of questions to be sure to know the boundaries you set, what is okay and not okay to talk about or do.

Will help you style your hair in the prettiest way and adds a lot of flowers on top of it.

He is a very feminine boy himself and will make you feel handsome and confident about your more feminine traits, just the way you deserve to be treated.

If he can rock the long hair, pink clothes, cute flowers and ladybugs ornaments and still look handsome as hell, then you can perfectly rock whatever physical traits you have. He believes in you.

Uses Gold Experience on you when you're on your periods so that it last shorter.

Helps you bind your chest until you can get a proper binder, and makes sure to be very gentle with you.

Has stolen Testosterone for you, and will do it again.

Mista

The most oblivious to your gender at first.

He can't tell if you're a boy or a girl and asks you a bunch of dumb questions without really thinking of the behinds of it.

If you get offended he'll just tell you he's trying to understand and is so confused.

It takes time and a lot of explaining, but he eventually gets it and, even though he still has a lot of questions, he decides to shut up.

Hey, you were pretty nice and funny and your Stand powers were dope, so at the end of the day, who cares?

He may be a bit of a dummy, but Mista is kind. He teaches you to shave in case you grow facial hair in the future.

He'll tell you all those grown up advices about how 'You start off with small peachfuzzes and before you know it, you got a full grown ass beard'.

Goes full Big Brother™ on you.

In fact, he barely calls your name at all, only calls you 'Bro', 'Fratellino', 'Mini me', 'Bambino', 'Big guy', or anything of the caliber.

Makes you workout with him to get those big ass guns and broad shoulders (or just... Your desired body type).

Narancia

Oh god, you don't have to fret about a thing.

He's just like you and gets misgendered All. The. Goddamn. Time.

His appearance is effortlessly androgynous and he sounds fairly prepubescent as well, so you're in the same boat here.

He doesn't really care and would love it for you to not care as well. He's used to it anyways.

It's not like your gender identity is gonna stop him from dragging you into his shenanigans and make you bust the sickest moves he knows.

You two are out together and get cat called by some obnoxious dudes on the streets.

You have to stop him from blasting them with Aerosmith because, as much as he's used to being called a 'She',

He WON'T stand other people misgendering you.

"HEY! SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! Y/N, tell him to go suck your dick! Oh- you don't have one yet? Huh... Well uh... SUCK MY DICK, ASSHOLE! Sorry about that Y/N."

Tells you you're lucky you don't have balls because those hurt really bad sometimes.

Fugo

Is too shy to ask too specific questions about your body or sexuality, but would love to know everything about it.

Especially the more psychologic aspect of your gender identity. How it affects your mental state, how you feel, what made you realize you were trans etc.

He may seem insensitive about it, but he's really not. He's just interested and takes it with a very scholar approach.

He pretends he really doesn't care at all, but he does a lot of research and harasses Bucciarati with questions about you.

You ask him to help you bind your chest one day and he becomes a blushy mess.

He'll help you anyway though, trying to be as neutral as possible out of respect for you.

He doesn't want to get flustered and let you imagine that he sees you as 'a girl', so he plays it cool.

It's... It's just a chest right? No big deal...

He slipped up one day and almost called the wrong pronouns and when he does, he just screams. Loud.

"Let's go ask Y/N then, where is sh-hhhhhhiiiaaaaaaAAAAAAAAARRGGHHHHH!!!!!"

He doesn't know how to come back from these mistakes and he's so embarassed.

Trish

You two have so much in common, surprisingly.

You're both young teens and your parents have left you down. You could only lift each other up.

She immediately knows you're a boy and gets so confused when people misgender you.

I mean... You look a bit feminine, yes, but there were plenty of men like this. And more so than you'd ever imagine. Especially at only 15.

Also, you introduced yourself as 'Y/N', that's pretty much masculine, or at the very least, gender neutral.

"Pfft, don't listen to them, Y/N. They're so darn stupid."

Helps you voice train, e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y.

She knows a lot of vocal warm ups and exercises to not strain your vocal chords and helps you get that perfect deep voice you try to achieve.

It's just like singing in a way, right? She helps you find your vocal range to expand it and lower it to your prefered pitch.

She's so proud of you when you manage to finally use a much deeper and manly voice!

She has very short hair herself, and she'll defintely help you style yours properly and take you to her personal hairdresser (a very kind femboy who's super funny and who's gonna love you to bits)

#my hcs #jojo headcanons #jojo #jojo's bizarre adventure #golden wind #jojo part 5 #vento aureo #writing #x reader #reader insert #unromantic #non romantic #bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #bucci gang #trish una #leone abbacchio #narancia ghirga #guido mista #giorno giovanna #pannacotta fugo

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

Yurtle's 2021 Writing Projects

COSMIC: Will Byers x Reader - MALE READER + NON BINARY READER VERSIONS -> plot, dialogue, and love interest will remain the same, but I will finally be fulfilling a promise I made after far too long of making two more copies of this series that will allow readers of he/him pronouns to hopefully feel more represented, as well as readers who prefer they/them pronouns. You deserve an escape just as much as anyone else and im truly sorry its taken me this long. These versions are already in development as I type this out. This will include all seasons, and is something I am working out for Scars That Heal, and all my other stories as well.

AN UNFORTUNATE REWRITE: ASOUE x Reader - Love Interest Change -> Previously Klaus Baudelaire x Reader will now be a Violet Baudelaire x Reader. I asked you guys about this a while ago and I was met with a lot of enthusiasm. And honestly I'm getting worried about my lack of enthusiasm for this series and I don't want to give up on it, not when I've barely given the series a try. And truthfully, exploring Violet as an LI intrigues me more than Klaus. And the deciding factor in all this was Klaus Baudelaire has a small handful of x readers available whereas Violet doesn't have any. Not that I've found. I'm very sorry if this upsets you, but this is a decision I've thought a lot about for months actually and I think it will help get me through to the next season which is where Reader's backstory really starts to kick in. Thank you guys for understanding and I'd be more than happy to talk about it with you guys more if you'd like 💞

I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER: IANOWT x Reader -> okay. So this one has really been eating at me all year. I wanna write this one SO BAD. but I just... don't have any ideas. So, if you don't mind, I'd love to brainstorm with you guys if any of you have time. I really really want to make it a Syd x Reader or a Dina x Reader. I love both with all my heart. Don't get me wrong, I love Stanley Barber with all I am, but I just. I can't do a rewrite with him. I'm sorry. All I've got so far for ideas is Syd being in love with Dina as it is in the show and Reader being in love with Syd. I'm thinking Reader has a little brother or sister that is Goob's age that is best friends with Goob, and that this is how Syd and Reader know one another but everything I try to go over the plot in my head I can't find a way to bring them together? I really thought I'd get more ideas with even a hint of what they had planned for season 2 but 😤😡 yeah. Now I have to smush it all together and wrap it up in a bow, or at least I feel pressured to. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is, those are my only solid ideas, and I am ALWAYS open to literally whatever ideas you have and more than happy to hear them, whether they're half baked ideas that came to you from some random shit post or some fully fleshed out power point presentation 😂 all my ideas are one or the other anyway, no in between lol. Point is, help is always appreciated as I do NOT want to give up on this beautiful, well crafted story and its wonderful characters 🥰💞

THE STOLEN UMBRELLA: Diego Hargreeves x Reader -> As I've mentioned before, season one has left the planning stage and is now currently ready to be written. All I need to do is finish planning season 2. Currently, I am on episode 3, The Swedish Job. There's not much I can tell you about this series that I haven't already shared but I can say what makes this rewrite an AU [if it wasn't already clear]; Vanya Hargreeves was never lied to and grew up as the seventh Umbrella Academy member. And yet, her siblings have still shut her out leaving them all with the same dynamic from the show... This book will feature my very first OC! I will explain more later, but the "faceclaim" is none other than the talented Ewan McGregor. I am very much excited for you guys to meet G.R.E.G.O.R.Y. 😇

And finally...

[working title] Not What You Expected: Hermione Granger x Fem!Reader -> This was the big one. For me at least. Doing a Harry Potter rewrite is a big commitment but I honestly just snapped when I didn't see any Hermione x Readers. My goal, the whole vibe im gonna shoot for is wholesome 90s wlw [witches loving witches lol I'm sorry I couldn't resist]. Reader would be adopted by Hagrid as an infant and will have been raised on the grounds by Hagrid cause I'm sorry but he's just SUCH A mum DAD. Another little twist? Veela are supposed to be strictly blonde with "moon bright skin" well since id be the author id say FUCK THAT and bend canon and say anyone of any ethnicity can be Veela, cause yall are beautiful in all shapes, sizes and colors 😍 so basically Reader will be half Veela and just casually charm the pants off of everybody with her veela magic ESPECIALLY Hermione 😉😊. Like im sorry can you just imagine Reader all covered in dirt from helping her dad on the grounds and seeing Hermione and Hermione just 😳 *gay gulp* and then reader opening her mouth an then greeting her with the heavy west country accent and oh no Hermione didn't realize how pretty girls were and for heavens sake, surely this girl knew she had a bowtruckle on her shoulder clinging to her ear and wait. She's ALSO memorized all of Hogwarts a History and- oh no... Like, im sorry but I have NO self control and I just have to write this. Bonus, Harry Potter may or may not but definitely will be Reader's Designated Himbo Friend™ and yes this is what I was asking you guys on your input for earlier. I totally understand and respect putting reader in Gryffindor and Slytherin, both are wonderful choices for story paths for reader. But im gonna do my best to bring as much representation to the table as I can and use the most underrepresented house cause everyone deserves to feel represented as much as they possibly can ☺ i sincerely hope you guys are as excited for this as I am, please let me know what you think about this one as I was pretty nervous to share this idea with you guys. [EDIT: I have a title!! MUDBLOODS & HALF-BREEDS !!]

Thank you guys so much for reading, I know I word vomit a lot 😄 I do promise you my current WIPs have not been neglected and I actually have been working on them a fairly equal amount. Scars That Heal has actually been written for a while but needs to be tied up and I need to find a satisfying way to wrap up the chapter. But anyways, I hope you guys are as excited about these announcements as I am and I can't wait to share them with you! Love you all! 🥰

💕💕💕 - Yurtle

#announcement #cosmic #cosmic 1 #cosmic 2 #cosmic 3 #cosmic 2.0 #an unfortunate rewrite #tsu ☂️ #ianilwh #hermione x fem!reader #hp reader insert #hp rewrite #nwye #sth🎈 #yurtle 2021

[skullvins]

random fuckin gender ramble scroll if ur not interested in my gender bs

aaarrrggg i hate that radfem bs has caused me to still associate butch and femme with being lesbian only terms (even though i KNOW they’re not) and thus making me associate both of them with being women, even though i KNOW theyre historically not. its so hard to unlearn???

like, the overlapping lesbian/butch/transmasc history is so hard to navigate as a funky lil enby/genderqueer because a lot of terms are either too masc or too fem for me to be comfortable with, and now that im TRYING to explore exactly how my masculinity and femininity work its so weird!!!

I’m in solidarity with queer men and queer women, both trans and cis or gnc or whatever and figuring out my personal relationships with those communities is hard!!! I relate to my cis female peers as someone who’s only started socially transitioning in recent years, I relate to their issues as someone who doesn’t pass well, I relate to transmascs in terms of wanting to be seen as more masculine, in wanting to physically transition, i relate to trans mlm in terms of sexuality, i relate to lesbians/wlw in terms of sexuality too! some of the best comfort and solidarity ive found is in amab enbies and even some transfems when it comes to comfort and gender expression. the two amab demiguys i know make me feel comfortable exploring masculinity because i feel safe around them BECAUSE they’re not cis, and like, i can be ‘one of the guys’ with them without having to be A GUY, and i relate so so so hard to gnc guys or amab enbies when it comes to presentation. i almost want to transition JUST so i can reembrace femininity in a masculine way.

i dunno, i feel this insane pressure outside of the queer community to either be as masc as possible to pass and be taken seriously, and that’s gotta be at least partially due to the way radfem bs has spread, especially here in the uk.

i wanna be read as masc, i wanna be read as fem, i wanna be incomprehensible! I wanna wear men’s shirts and t shirts and polo shirts with a skirt because i can!! because skirts are fun and cute and i enjoy wearing them. i really do wish i was amab because it would be so much easier to present the way i want to, I think, but then again, i don’t have bottom dysphoria, not really.

all this changes though, really i might just be genderfluid, but i hate the binary connotations of that too. so many enby words are stolen or defined in terms of binary gender: being bigender to most means being male or female, being genderfluid means being fluid between them, being nonbinary is being not male or female, when people equate being nonbinary to being genderless it kills me because I am not binary! but i am not genderless! my gender is here and present and part of me and part of my relation with the world around me and with other people and part of my sexuality and orientation

i dunno, this is turning into a big queer rant. this isn’t me trying to shove labels onto myself, I’m fine with rejecting them if that’s what’s needed - i don’t define my sexuality any further than queer even though hypothetically i could probably id as bi or pan or any mspec label, but I choose not to because being QUEER is my orientation. perhaps my gender as well (i do id as genderqueer as well as enby) but i want to really truly understand my gender AS queer, rather than just brush it off as queer because I cannot define it to myself or understand it. i want to understand my relation to the world around me and to other queer people.

so am I butch? am I femme? maybe it changes? is that allowed to change from day to day? my gender doesn’t FEEL like it changes but that presentation does, maybe! maybe I need to try new pronouns, but using she/her like i want to is hard when i associate it with misgendering and failing to prove myself as trans enough to cis people.

i wanna be masc with women and fem with men, but the latter is hard due to fears that come from experiences with misogyny. a lot of cis men ARE scary to me - I’m an 18 year old afab for fucks sake. i wish i could have that re-embraced femininity, but I’m not flat when i bind or build masc or tall or fuckin. anything! and hormones aren’t an option yet because a lot of my mental health is too unstable, the nhs is in shambles, and I don’t have money. i can’t embrace that yet unless im in the right circles, with the right people, and i can’t be that in society, I don’t trust it. I don’t know if I wanna dress fem and have people see me as masc or fem, i don’t know what pronouns i want them to use, i dunno man!!!

i wanna reach out to older queer people but again its hard, we’re in lockdown, i don’t live somewhere with a big queer community, i’m not a fan of bars and such and there’s not any in my town so i’d have to travel a bit, i wish i could just feel at home!!! i wanna be feminine without being female but also without being male, at least not fully male! I’m not male, i have this connection to femininity and it doesn’t feel male to me, I don’t want to be included in explicitly male or explicitly female spaces, I wanna be with everyone or no one, i dunno

again, i wish butch and femme didnt feel so gendered to me personally, and that’s not just this site but also what ive grown up with, my mum used to always say i was a wannabe ‘butch lezza’ whenever i was trying to get her to take my NONBINARY identity seriously and I’m not that! not because it’s bad to be, but because that’s just not me. I’m not a wlw, I’m not even sure on my attraction to women, or to men, or to anyone, I’m just attracted to queerness, and i dunno it’s hard. being ‘butch’ to me, somewhat, still means wlw, even though it’s not true, and i hate how radfem bs has ruined the word for me. i wish i could understand my identity in terms of being butch or femme, or whatever i am, and i wish those words weren’t tainted for me in the first place. i guess all of us are just ‘failed women’ in the eyes of society, huh.

characters who are feminine, but still explicitly male, or have some relation with masculinity, or are fluid between it, or who return to masculinity as a default give me so much euphoria just to witness. I’m in desperate need of a haircut and i don’t know whether to grow it out properly again or cut it short

either way, I’m gonna dye it purple

#purple is a queer colour #DONT rb unless you have some advice or something #then again my replies/inbox exists #dont send me shit accusing me of being some flavour of bigot im figuring out MY relationship with this shit #if someone calls me homophobic or transphobic or something over discussing my own queer identity on my OWN DAMN BLOG ill eat my fucking hat #this is all without applying the aro lens but idk how much that applies to this either #my aromanticism affects my relationships with people and how i approach them but that's more on a personal level than a GENDER kinda level #though perhaps my unique approach to relationships and my approach to gender are linked #especially with how being alloaro causes me to often prioritise different things in relationships #is that linked to gender? who knows #queer tag #illusion.txt #again dont rb unless u have a point to make #older queers PLEASE interact #older butches and femmes what is your wisdom #gender tag

[fox-steward]

hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)

“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”

hey there—still active, if sporadic.

when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.

what helps me?

get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.

start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.

there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.

i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.

1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.

2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?

3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.

4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.

5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.

good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.

#detrans #detransition #radfem #radical feminism #transgender #ftm #non binary #just talkin #gender #asked #answered #anon

[enigma-im]

More Than Just a Line of Code Pt.1

Robot x Female Character. Tracey Romero recieves a bot from her Auntie Carol. Little does she know that he isnt just some everyday house bot.

Rating: Teen Relationship: Robot X Female!Human Warning: fluff, exposure of genitals, pg13 at most, robot and human relationships

Word Count: 3835

Part 2

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I walk up the steps to my two-story bungalow. Juggling the keys in one hand while adjusting the phone against my ear.

"Two weeks, tops! You can’t expect me to give you quality when you take away my clock," I chided. I unlock the door and head inside. The voice on the other end rants out some excuses and reprimands. It was idle threats, just some big dog talk. I throw the keys onto the side table, missing the bowl I bought for them.

I roll my eyes as I toe my shoes off," Let me explain how this will work if I do what you are asking. First, I will be rushed, I’ll work late with a fishbowl of coffee beside me at all times. Then after about three nights of this, I'm going to get sloppy. Which for me is still really good work but it’s not the best. I always promise my best but only if you work with me on this. So I ask you, do you want it done or do you want it done perfect?". I waited in the foyer for his answer. I already knew what he was going to say. No one wants subpar work, it’s understandable. He is paying big money for my expertise and it would be foolish of him to deny me now.

After a moment I heard the beautiful sound of his begrudging approval. I fist pump, "Two weeks and you will have the best software on this side of the Mississippi. The Tracey Romero guarantee.". With a few words, I hang up. I smirk down at my phone before shoving it into my pocket and walking to the kitchen.

I shimmy around the kitchen, dancing to my own music." I got the extend, I got the extend," I sing. I grab some bread and make myself a sandwich while still patting myself on the back.

I didn’t need the extend, his software was mostly done already. His team did a great job. It just needed some touching up then to be properly tested. Take about two afternoons at the most. I just wanted to go on break and get paid for it. Call me a con, it’s just a living.

-

As I sat at my computer, I heard the chimes of my security system. Then the quick thuds from the front door. I huffed as I pulled up my front door camera. I saw my front porch and a man walking away from the steps to a van.

"Someone has a package," I quirked to no one. I hopped off the chair and headed to the front door. Once I opened the door, I looked down at a huge box crate. It was as generic as they came, even had the large text of the word 'Fragile" on every side.

"Well, I have no idea how to move this," I mumbled as I tried to push it with my foot. It was heavy for sure. I bent over to try to pick it up, but it mostly just hurt my back. Rubbing my spine I pondered how to get this thing inside.

I would consider myself smart, maybe even a genius. I was a straight-A student, graduated top of my class at CMU in Pittsburgh. So using my beautiful mind I came up with a way to move the box. I pushed it inside.

Using a pry bar in my foyer to open the crate. The nails were removed smoothly, and the lid slid to the floor. Looking inside I first noticed a large black dome near my knees. Looking down from there I saw a large trapezoid shape then the rest was submerged in the shredded bits of cardboard. After a few moments of observing I figured out what it was.

"Of hell yea, it’s a robot," I shouted with giddy. I dropped to my knees and shoved my hands around the head. In most standard bipedal robots the on switch was near the neck. Right towards the faceplate. "Come on, momma wants to play with her new toy," I chuckle. With a flick, the faceplate turned on in a blinding light. It switched off quickly but still left me seeing stars. I jerk back when it jolted forward. It sat up straight then the soft sound of buzzing echoed in the room. I waited patiently for their system to boot up.

I got off my knees and walked around to watch it. Its face was blank, it just had the reflection of light. Showing off the dust and pieces of cardboard it laid in. getting bored I looked over at the lid to see who sent me a full robot. Even though robots are common it didn’t mean they were inexpensive. I make good money; I live very comfortably. Still buying a robot would set me back and make me eat nothing but microwave dinners for a month.

As I found that it is my aunt who sent it, I noticed the bot was staring at me. I turned at looked up at them and still, their faceplate showed nothing. I waved at them as I sat up. To my amusement, they waved back, but more jerky motions.

"Do you talk," I ask.

It dropped its hand, "Yes."

"Then mind introducing yourself," I smile. Its head tilted to the side for a second then back to normal. It faces plate lit up with a standard face. It was cartoony but it was most likely meant to be comforting. No one wants a robot with a mean-looking face. It smiled wide at me then dropped it to neutral. I quirked an eyebrow and they copied me. "You copying me," I chuckle.

"imitating, but yes," he answers. His voice isn't obstructed like in most bots. It sounds basically human, normal even.

"semantics, either way, I'm Tracey. Who might you be,” I greet. I try to coax them into introducing themselves.

"You are very appealing," they look me up and down.

I snap my fingers catching their attention," Getting off track, doll. Name please."

"Yes, I am D-4N1-3L," they finally introduce. I mumble out their text to myself.

"Daniel," I offer. They nod. "Alright, Daniel, do you mind if I call you a he?"

"He," he cocks his head.

"Give ya male pronouns. Or would you rather them/they," I clarify.

"He," they repeat, "I'm a man."

"Alright then Daniel, shall we get you out of that box," I stand and offer a hand. He looks at it before cautiously grabbing it. I don’t need to offer actual help because he stands on his own. He steps out of the crate and I get a good look at him. His build is standard if not a bit retro. Most robots I've seen are completely covered in their shielding plastic. Hiding all of their technical bits. Yet he has his joints exposed and everything else covered. His neck showed his wiring and the air cylinder that limits his neck movement. To anyone else, he would look like junk, some outdated pieces of hardware. But to me, oh to me he looks terrific.

-

I leaned against the island in the kitchen, watching as he wanders around. He snoops through my cabinets, investigating everything he finds. I look down at my phone that's ringing near my arm. I have set out to call my aunt about Daniel. I placed it on speakerphone so Daniel could listen if he felt inclined to.

After the fifth ring, she picks up. "Whose got three thumbs and is excited you called? This aunt," there was a confused pause," This would be funnier if you saw me, I'm holding a thumb right now. Either way what's up Chica?"

"If I didn’t know you were a mechanic id assume the worst about that severed thumb you are presumably holding," I eye Daniel as I answer. He was currently messing with the microwave. Pressing buttons and jumping when he turned it on.

"besides my possible dismemberment what do I owe this pleasure," She asks. In the background, I could hear some loud tinging noises. Probably in her workshop, or she does in fact have a human finger. Then probably a different workshop if that were the case.

"Well, I’ll give you a hint," I lean on my elbow.

"Oh goodie, I love games. Three hints," she chuckles.

I can’t help but chuckle as well, "alright three hints. Its long, hard, and came in a box."

"Tracey," She scolds, " I don’t believe you should talk about that kind of thing with your aunt. It seems more like a mother conversation."

"I don’t know, mom would be upset that I have him in the house," I answer vaguely.

"Oh, batteries not included? Who needed powered boyfriends when you can get the real thing," She jokes.

I shake my head," we both know battery-operated is better. Humans don’t tend to vibrate.". This caught Daniel's attention.

"I can vibrate," He informs pointing to his face.

"I'm sure you can, doll," I look up at him.

"And who is that," my aunt asks.

"My new boyfriend, best model out there. Even has same-day delivery," I joke. Daniel cocks his head and his electronic eyebrows furrow.

"A robot," she asks before it clicks," Right! The robot, god I'm a terrible creator. How could I forget my baby boy."

"Terrible mother indeed," I click my tongue," tsk, tsk. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him.". I look up at Daniel again and give him a wink. He turns his head as a pink color shines from his screen. "Aw, he blushes," I coo.

"Of course he blushes, he has a full range of emotions. My best work if I do say so myself," she pats herself on the back," Practically human."

"So it’s an A.I.," I ask," here I thought I was getting a butler. But I shouldn’t be so disappointed, I got a new friend instead."

Daniel turns his head to look at me," friend? I thought I was your boyfriend."

"We can talk about that later, doll," I answer.

"Aw, breaking up already. Poor Daniel, only been alive for a year and now he has his first broken heart," My aunt coos.

"We are talking about its later Carol, I'm sure it will be fine," Daniel says to the phone.

"You have me on speaker," My aunt asks, "Hi Daniel darling, how do you like Tracey's place?"

"It is cozy, living here would be most joyous," He answers.

"that’s a great sweetie. be nice to Tracey, ok?"

Daniel cocks his head," Why wouldn’t I be anything but?"

"No reason, sorry I doubted you," She apologizes.

"Well, I'm going to get off. Just making sure that you did indeed send me a bot. you can never be too sure," I call out.

"Oh absolutely. Love you baby, take good care of him. He is a sensitive bot, you may forget that he is more than a robot sometimes," She warns.

"Goodbye Carol," Daniel calls out. With that I press end. I cross my arms and lean forward. We both look each other over, observing in the silence.

"Do we need to talk," He asks with an adorable head tilt.

"About what," I answer with a question.

"Us. Are you breaking up with me?" I can’t help but laugh. This only confused him more.

"We aren't together, Daniel. That was just a joke I made with aunt Carol," I answer. I step away from the table and walk around to the fridge.

Daniel stepped away from the table as well and laces his fingers together. It was interesting, robots generally don’t have nervous ticks or idiosyncrasies. Auntie did a good job with him.

"Well, that I won’t lie and say that I'm unfavorable to that," He dropped his head. I was a bit confused about his reaction. He is a strange robot.

"You want to date," I ask. What did she program into this guy? It got my brain moving, how could anyone get a robot to seem so human. Most had applications built in to pretend to empathize with someone, but this was too detailed.

He looked up with a wide expression," Yes."

"Why?"

Daniel looks me up and down before walking over. He takes a hold of my hands and intertwines them.

"You are very appealing," He mimics his earlier words. I pull my hands from his and stare up at him confused. A strange robot indeed.

-

I sit at my computer with my legs crossed. I hunch over my keyboard and stare with my mouth partially opened. I'm working on pulling up Daniel's code and programs. He is currently hooked up to my tower with a bunch of cables. He is sitting patiently, if not happily, against the wall. His 'eyes' were darting around the room, taking in all the area has to offer.

"What is a battery-operated boyfriend," He cuts the silence. I jerk away from the computer, not use to having someone around in my office.

"what? Why do you ask," I blush.

His eyes focus on me, "you said it earlier, I was curious. Technically I'm a battery-operated boyfriend but I'm assuming it isn't me you were referencing."

I can’t help but smile," I guess you are a battery-operated boyfriend. But you are correct, I wasn’t referring to you."

"Then what is it," he asks again.

I look back to my computer, "I'm not going to answer that." I glance over at him for a second and see him pouting. Another curious attribute.

-

I stare amazed at the lines and lines of text. His code was so long, even too long. There were programs for such minor things like when to twitch his finger or raise an eyebrow. Looking further I found a curious program label 'Surprise'. Of course, I clicked on it, I'm only human. Looking it over I was nosy to turn the function on.

"Oh, this is new," Daniel mumbles to himself. I look over as he raises his hands from his lap. Looking down I see a protrusion.

"Oh indeed," I say shocked. He was majority matte black with traces of blue deep in his wiring. The protrusion was more on the blue side and had the lining of matte black. It was definitely an eye-catcher.

-

"Why does he have a cock," I nearly shout into the phone.

"Cutting to the chase, I guess. No foreplay, but I'm going to guess there was some if you found this out," My aunt jokes.

"Not funny, I looked through his programs. Also seriously, you named it surprise," I sneer. This was extremely uncalled for. Auntie has always been a mischievous person. Last year she spiked the punch at the family reunion to 'spice up the party'.  But this was too much. "Seriously, you sent me a sex robot? Not to steal your joke from earlier but I feel this would be a better present for mom," I scold. Mom divorced dad about five years ago, this seemed like a better gift to a lonely mother than a 25 y/o.

"First off, ew. I don’t want to think about my sister's sex life a-"

I interrupt her, "And you want to think about mine?"

"Do not use that tone with me. You haven't had a boyfriend since high school, you bury yourself in work. You convinced yourself that it’s enough, fulfilling even. Excuse me for thinking of you. Also, I will make this clear, I made his A.I. as a little side project. He was not for you till after he was made. His personality seemed perfect for you, so sue me for being kind," Carol snapped. I grabbed the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"Fine, I'm sorry. It was kind of you to think of me but It's a bit much that you added such a personal feature," I say calmer.

"I know you will find some use for it, till then please don’t treat him differently for it. I'm sure he doesn’t know what it’s even for," she pleads. I sigh again, this is just weird.

"Alright, I will still take good care of him," I relent. He is but a vessel for my aunt's ignorant kindness.

"I'm sure you will," she laughs.

"Goodbye carol," I hang up. I drop my phone onto the kitchen counter and exhale. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Daniel peaking his head out from my office.

"Are you angry with me," he asks. I look up at him and can’t help but smile.

"Of course not, just surprised," I answer. It was honest, I can’t be mad at him. I've known him for a few hours and I already adore him. He has such wonder for everything around him that makes my jaded self feel humble.

-

A few weeks with Daniel have been both tiring and rejuvenating. He asks so many questions that I gave up answering them and just introduced him to the internet. I got curious one day and checked his history, he goes on a lot of tangents. Now that he can answer his own questions online, he has moved on to asking about myself. He would ask about my interest or my job. Even comment on things he likes about me. For a robot, he was a bit of a flirt. His favorite thing about me was my hands. He said they were 'gentle and talented'.

We currently stood in the kitchen. He watched me as I cooked, he says he enjoys watching my human rituals. He can’t eat so he just likes watching me eat.

I stir the pot of food as I call out to my home bot," Home, play 90's hits." There was a chime then the music began to play softly from the speakers. Daniel looks around the room a bit confused.

"what was that," he asks her.

"My home bot, it controls some electronics around the house like lights or locks," I explain. He nods his head.

I get into the music and shimmy a bit as I finish off my meal. I slide towards my cabinet and pull out a bowl. With a twirl, I slide the bowl to the stove. Shaking my hips I pour a large helping of soup. Another twirl and I turn to Daniel. His face had its pink cheeks and wide-eyed expression. I set my food down and stare curiously. Why was he blushing?

Before I could ask, I caught sight of his blue swelling. I raised my eyebrows in shock and acknowledgment.

"I'm sorry," he stepped closer to the island to hide himself from view.

"N-No needs to be sorry," I stutter," I'm just curious why it decided to make itself known."

He turned his head as he continued blushing," Y-you."

I point to myself," Me?"

He nods, "You w-were dancing around. You have a firm r-rear."

"O-Oh, thank you," I blush. For the time he has been here I have never witnessed his, um, member. Since the first day it has never come up, pun intended, it’s never been noted again.

"Have you ever, um. Have you ever had this happen before," I ask a bit nervous. We have flirted a bit but I'm still off-put of using him. To have a boyfriend was simple, but to fuck him felt wrong. It was a bit taboo to keep a fully functioning robot around as a sex toy. Even if he seemed human, he wasn’t.

"Yes," He answered short.

"When," I look up at him.

"Depends. Sometimes when you bend over, other times when your shirt drops a bit too low. Most the time is when we sit together on the couch," He answers calmer than earlier.

"When we watch movies," I ask. We watch movies every weekend, I never noticed anything. Not that I would be looking at his crotch.

"Yes," He steps around the island and stops on the side. His crotch still blocked but he was in arms reach. "when u start to daze off and you rest your head on my shoulder. I feel the tingle and I want nothing more than to touch you," he smiles. He places his hands on the counter, not moving them but keeping them where they are. Daniel was leaving me to decide.

Daniel is very smart, never doubted it. Yet he still surprises me with his emotional intelligence. It’s easy to program a robot to see patterns or understand words on a paper. To explain an abstract concept like emotions was hard. You can fake it, but it always comes across as wrong, almost psychopathic. In Daniel, it came off as authentic. It felt real, like he honestly felt those things.

I bounce my finger on the counter as I stare at his hands. He still waited on me.

"You want to touch me," I ask softly. I look down at his fingers. One hand was stretched a bit farther than the other. His hand was sideways, his fingers were slightly splayed.

"more than anything," He murmured. His index twitched a bit.

I skidded my fingers across the table and let our fingers tap against each other. He didn’t move more than his fingers, leaving me with the choice still. Daniel was really smart indeed. I moved closer and grasped his hand, intertwining our fingers. I could hear his body make a low buzzing noise and his chest expand slightly.

My other hand grabs his free one. I pulled him around the table and towards me. Releasing my grip, and him reluctantly doing the same, I reach forward and hug him. I rest my hands on his lower back and my head on his chest. He does his form of a sigh again before wrapping his arms around me. He rests his head on mine and we just stand there.

This feels nice. I can’t remember the last I hugged someone. It had to be over seven years ago when I dated that saxophone player in high school. This felt better though, Daniel was warmer. I ran my hands up his back along the cylinders that controlled his back. I leaned back and looked up at him. I reached for his neck and pulled him down. I kiss him where his lips were on the screen. The whirling in his chest became a bit louder and his hold on my back gets a bit tighter.

I pull back with a shy smile. It felt silly to kiss a screen, but his reaction made it less so. He smiled at me too, even had his adorable blush on his screen.

Daniel led his head down and tapped his screen to my forehead. He pulled back after a moment and looked down at me.

"You look pretty when you blush," He mumbles.

"I could say the same thing about you," I smile.

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There is a part two. Also i did a lot of unnecessary research on this. even the name of the main character is shared with a famous programmer John Romero. He designed games like Doom or Wolfenstein. But check out my Archive page.

#robot x human #exophilia #fluff #programming #john romero #pt1 #pt 1 of 2 #D-4N1-3L #Tracey Romero #Enigma-IM #monster boyfriend

[madfantasy]

1) Oh, dear Mani, it's so devastating to read what you're writing about yourself. You're a loveliest person and a beautiful artist, and you deserve all the very best in the world. Sorry if it's dumb (I'm from Russia and maybe it's like asking if there're bears everywhere in the streets here) - but is it common in your country or it's just your family? Is it legal to prevent you from socialising etc. or is i just a tradition ?

You are so precious, thank you for your kindness.. I'm so sorry to have to trouble you.. but I can't seem to filter anything lately.. and no, it's not a dumb question at all. One is not expected to know everything, that without mentioning other people's cultures, tbh I hardly know much of mine but what I have encountered..

The simple answer would be— it is common; but it varies.. my family is probably at 8 or 9 out of ten in the extreme levels, I guess this is me numbing it down again, but... anyway, It's not even a religious thing, it's more of old cultural habits and practices—before religious times. It's even -what my family's doing- against what is considered common habits, here. As people are normally extremely, suffocating-ly sociable and curious and inviting and probably won't leave you alone if you haven't made it clear.

I don't know if it is legal or not, I'm sure it is illegal based on human rights alone? I'm always told (as a way of threatening) how parents can call the authorities on their misbehaving children. And it is a thing here, usually if the kids be abusive to their parents (as in beating up their elder parents) or troubling, police escort them to where ever. And I don't want to think of the anti...

As I am assigned at birth this gender- female- automatically I'm shut down by my family of fear of shame and whatever but told it's out of "honourable" protectiveness of their reputation and mine.

Tho they know I am far from being associated with the traits of being that gender (or any) I disliked dress, spoke with no gender pronouns, hated hair styling, make up and all.. I was still been treated as if I am a shame that needs to be kept private in all possible legal ways. As no one of any kind should be..

(Without mentioning that having female child is considered a way to heaven— religiously speaking— and in ancient times, they used to burry their infants females out of shame. How did they still exists is beyond me)

Anyway, to me it meant no contact with the opposite gender at all cost, only sticking to matchings. That means no hospitals if the doctors weren't females, no school trips, no malls, no visiting my schoolmates (next door or not), no public places, no house yard if the fence built too low, no windows (blocking them with cardboards and textured stickers). Was gonna share a pic of baby Mani in a house that has that, but. Literally I remember imaging z hanged picture with cottage in flowery field as the view outside our window, and day dreamed happily about it. (I have no pictures of me in my teenage years, cuz it was shameful to have them, even with smartphones arrived, mine was constantly searched for them) while we received pictures of the extended families children in all of their age groups..

I had to constantly come with excuses to everybody why I can't come see them or why I can't go. I thought being poor was the main reason and it was shameful, and I was embarrassed by my charity cloths and unfurnished homes, I was always told to lie about it, because people would laugh at me if they found out. So I did. And everything made sense until I grew more brain cells and realising nothing have changed, either we be dirt poor or not. People actually offered to pay me food, trip costs, give me coats for the winter, rides to school, to beat off my misfortune when they are able just to include me, yet it was still being rejected.. and I couldn't understand why anymore.

I seen married couples, when ppl forced fam to take me somewhere to enjoy and have fun, the wife is the one running the house, goes out shopping, or just go out for rides, calls the workers for repairs, go places on her own, took taxis, and it was... Normal?!

A cousin of fam came to visit and asked why your children don't go out, why don't you give them money and let them shop their heart's content? They answered, they fear society.. a lie at that time

Maybe it's not something noticeable for outsiders, but cloaks speak of the area's culture and age too. When I came 'of age' I had to cover up in the extremist of ways, ways consider only elderly ppl did, and I always got funny looks when I wore my cloak.

I was never allowed to show my eyes, specially that I wear glasses and can't see with the cover. So I tripped alot and was humiliated for in the streets, trying to make me understand that anything I do is an ' invite' for their eyes..

I was beginning to see the flaws, the lies, the holes in reasons I was offered.. linked together the constant misery that I didn't understand it's reason, since as further as I remember.

Maybe it's not spoken in plain words (until yesterday that is) but all that is just because that I am born under that title..

Women now can drive.. can be their own legal guardian without the need of a male to confirm everything she does (which was what it used to be) she can travel abroad alone if she's over 21.

I'm fighting so hard to exist, and to have basic needs satisfied..

It almost took my soul out begging to have my ID card, until the gov announced fine to those who don't register their females.. I should had my ID 16 of age. Got it 27.. and their excuse is that I didn't have a reason to get it anyway.. as everything goes in my life I asked for... I don't need what I think I need. I don't need to drive.. I don't need to work.. I don't need clothes- I'm fashion thirsty- I don't need to have fun.. I only need to do exactly what they wish. Which drives me crazy as it contrasts with the sacrifices they made themselves for us and everything that we gone through together..

I have to fight and argue and plead to get anything.. I was able to draw while I was furiously I could not, I could speak English as I please while it offended them, still-- they can't speak it--.. and it obviously the only way to express my shut off mind without their interference..

it feels I'm losing a chunk of myself each year nothing changes... And this year everything was tossed backwards so hard I'm constantly dipping into extreme depression.. not to mention how the whole world is suffering too...

Even if I found psychologist, it wouldn't do me any good, remaining under these conditions..

it pains me to share this but I can't see no more point to hide anything or act as if I'm okay..  specially if my art reflects it... It's what I'm able to offer for now.. and I'm so sorry... bless your days with fortune.. all of u..

#ask #personal