#but this is just one moment indicative of a broader issue in the way these questions even come about and are addressed

[lys-9-10]

I like the idea of Grantaire & Éponine being able to share a bed platonically. Why? B/c Éponine is probably accustomed to being abused, violated, used... It would be a totally novel thing to her when becoming friends with R that he doesn't want to take anything from her and she's safe with him. Further, Grantaire is described in the brick as a "womanizer", and I think it would also be a novel experience to him — realizing that with Éponine, it's wonderful just to have someone he cares about next to him, and the last thing on his mind is to try to get something from her.

Excerpt from my fic "A Second Chance to Live" where I play with this concept:

Éponine was far too inebriated to walk by the end of the evening. Grantaire considered carrying her to her home, but given she still hadn’t let him accompany her, he didn’t know the way. And she was hardly in a state to direct him. So instead, he slung her over his shoulder, murmuring an apology that she probably didn’t hear, and set out towards his own flat. 

Éponine was light – concerningly so – and it took next to no effort for Grantaire to carry her through the streets and up the stairwell to his flat. He shouldered the door open (he never bothered to lock up) and walked on over to his unmade bed. She was unconscious by this time. Her breathing was loud and rattly, which he figured was a good sign. At least she wasn’t choking on her own tongue or anything. 

He laid Éponine in the bed and pulled his blanket over her, smoothing it down with both hands. 

“You’re gonna feel like shit tomorrow,” he mumbled, flicking her gently on the forehead. She stirred, making a sound that was something between a grunt and a snort. But she didn’t wake. 

A couple hours later, Grantaire began to yawn. He glanced at the passed out girl in his bed, then about his room, as though he could conjure up a sofa through wishful thinking. Although he'd been renting here for over a year, he'd left the place entirely undecorated and unfurnished, save for the essentials of a bed and liquor cabinets (the latter often unused in favour of dozens of liquor crates scattered across the floor). The only thing Grantaire did in his flat was sprawl drunkenly, sleep, and have sex - and the bed was perfectly sufficient for all those purposes. But as Grantaire frowned at his now occupied bed, he regretted for the first time his meager furnishing decisions. 

Sighing, Grantaire walked over to the slumbering Éponine, then clambered up onto the mattress next to her. He nudged her with his elbow, hoping to get her to roll over and make more room. But she just issued a guttural purring sound and curled in closer to him, tucking her head against his chest. Grantaire grimaced. The last thing he needed was for a wasted, broken-hearted Éponine to mistake him for Pontmercy while they were sharing his bed.

But then, Éponine pulled her head back and tilted her face up to him, blinking sleepily. And when she spoke his name, Grantaire realized there was no mistake. “‘Taire,” she mumbled. Her smile somehow managed to be both sluggish and sincere, at the same time. “I don’ keep friends. So we urn’t that. But yurr a good friend.” 

Grantaire stared for a moment. Then, he felt his own mouth stretching into a smile - one that was significantly broader than hers.

Éponine blinked at him a few more times, then her eyelids drifted shut and she nestled back into his chest. Soon the return of her loud, rattly breathing indicated that she was asleep. Grantaire wrapped his arms around her comfortably. The smile remained on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

--------

Éponine woke up to a pounding head and a mouth full of Grantaire’s shirt. She blinked confusedly into his chest for a few seconds, then peeled herself off of him just enough to stare. First she took in the large spots of wetness on his shirt that were probably her drool. Then she looked up, and took in his smirking face. 

“You like to cuddle when you’re drunk,” he said simply, his eyes glinting with mirth. Éponine made a snorting sound like that of an irritated bull. “Oh shut up.”  She pushed herself up into a seated position and, groaning, pressed a hand to her forehead. Then she squinted at the light filtering through the window. “Have I been here all night?” she asked. 

“Yup.” Grantaire sat up as well. “And all morning.” 

It was well past noon already. Grantaire had been awake for a couple hours, but decided he didn’t mind continuing to let Éponine sleep against him. It was a welcome change, having someone he actually cared about in his bed. He even thought to himself (with a touch of humour, but total sincerity) that on any given night he’d happily pass up sex with one of the unknown wenches he'd bring home from bars in exchange for Éponine drooling on his shirt. 

“Merde.” Éponine hopped off the bed. She wobbled and Grantaire caught her elbow. “Where’s my cap?” she asked, patting her head. 

Grantaire nodded to one of the liquor crates, which he’d put the cap on top of after removing it from Éponine‘s head last night. “You off already?”

“Yeah. I’d better.” “You don’t want to try to kick the hangover first? I know some tricks.” “Nah, I’m fine.” She hurried over to snatch up her cap and pressed it onto her head. When she took hold of the doorknob, she paused and looked back at Grantaire. “Um. Thanks. For – y’know. Taking care of me.” 

The words tasted so stupid in her mouth and she grimaced as they came out. She turned hurriedly to leave before Grantaire could see the slight flush on her normally sallow cheeks - and before she could see his pleased smile.

----- *skip a couple scenes*

Éponine and Grantaire lay, shoulder to shoulder, on his bed. She’d kicked off her shoes a while ago and now she had one foot lifted in the air, testing how many different ways she could wiggle her bare toes. 

A bottle of absinthe and whiskey sat on his bedside table – but both were barely touched. 

“Why don’t the other Amis de l'ABC accept you, ’Taire?” Éponine asked unexpectedly, looking over at him. Grantaire was slightly taken aback at first. But then he shrugged. “I’m not a revolutionary, like them,” he answered simply. “I don’t have faith the way they do. Don’t have faith in anything. Nihilist, they would call me. Skeptic.” Éponine chortled. “Whatever that means.” 

Grantaire couldn’t help but smile. Not at her lack of education – at her lack of prejudice. 

“I think they tolerate me alright,” he said, bumping his foot lightly against hers. “I’m not one of them, but they don’t mind having me around. Well, except for... you know.” 

Éponine glanced up at him, and her eyes softened into something like compassion. Recalling the golden-haired leader’s repulsed looks and harsh sneers towards Grantaire, she asked, “And why does he hate you?” Grantaire winced, and Éponine regretted not having minced words. But after a moment he simply sighed and answered in a husky voice: “Because he has more faith than all of them put together.” Éponine shuffled downward on the bed and lay her head on Grantaire’s shoulder. They were silent for a few moments. “Monsieur Marius come to the meetings while I was gone?” she asked finally.

Grantaire shook his head. “No. He’s been absent too.” She nodded, her sharp cheek rubbing against him. “Colour me surprised.” Her voice was more deflated than bitter. “Guess he isn’t really one of them either, is he? Only takes a pretty face to pull him away...” 

Grantaire squeezed her bony shoulder, comfortingly. “Yeah... Pontmercy has faith alright – but he’s a Bonapartist. So no, not one of Les Amis.” 

Éponine suddenly pulled away from him and rolled over onto her side, so she could look at Grantaire directly. Her steel gray eyes glinted at him.

“You have faith, ‘Taire.” He cocked his head. “Hm?” When she didn’t elaborate, he prompted again. “What do you mean, Ép?”

Éponine only smiled and nuzzled back into him. 

————

Éponine didn’t know what Nihilist meant. Or Skeptic. But she knew that it was Grantaire’s faith which had drawn out her own. Coaxed it, gently but persistently, as it squirmed and struggled like a worm on a hook. 

Éponine did know what the word Friendship meant. In theory, formerly – in practice now. She knew that Friendship was a leap of faith... Possibly one of the largest one could take. For was there a less deserving object of faith than that of another human being? Human beings were so fickle, so back-stabbing, so casually cruel. Human beings only knew how to use, hurt, and devour one another. 

… But not Grantaire. Grantaire let her sleep in his bed and didn’t try to touch her. Grantaire bought Azelma rolls and her whiskey, and never made her pay for anything – never made her “earn her keep”. Grantaire stared at her bruised face with anguished concern, not with amused sadism. Grantaire jumped away in horror when she told him he was hurting her. 

Éponine closed her eyes against her friend’s shoulder and hummed softly. Tonight, she’d have to go back to the Montparnasses and Thénardiers of the world. But today... she’d be with Grantaire. The one person who merited her faith. 

Read more here.

See all my Grantaire & Éponine friendship fics here (i love their friendship way too much)

#epotaire brotp #grantaire and eponine #les miserables #les mis fanfic #enjoltaire #marponine #but as one sided pining #exr #grantaire & eponine

[processingstupidity]

Was really really hoping Marvel's Moonknight would handle disability and mental health properly.

[SPOILER WARNING FOR EPISODE 6 OF MARVEL'S MOONKNIGHT SERIES]

I'm not going to comment on everything that has been said and done in the show because firstly, I'm writing this spontaneously and I can't remember what's been said and done in 6 episodes specifically, and secondly, I'm not part of the DID community and so I don't feel it's my place to speak for people on matters that relate to them and just them. However, there is one instance in episode 6 that rubbed me the wrong way and I would like to talk about it because I believe it's indicative of a broader attitude towards mental illness and disabilities generally. Although, I do welcome input from people in the DID community in the comments and in adding onto this post.

In this episode Marc's scales become balanced and he makes his way to the afterlife but decides to go back and save Stephen. Whilst in the sands with Stephen, Marc tells him that he was the only real superpower that Marc ever had (obviously disregarding the powers given to him by Khonshu). My issue with this is that while some people may find empowerment through thinking of their mental illness/disability as a "superpower" of sorts, I feel that this is also a narrative that is pushed onto us sometimes by neurotypical and abled folk and that may be the reason why this scene was included.

In an effort to not make us feel like burdens they swing too far the other way and try to make us feel special and in someway better than everyone else - lucky or at an advantage - because we may possess certain qualities that other's don't. However, even if well intended, this statement in my opinion still comes from a place of internalised ableism. By trying to make us feel better about ourselves in this way there is to me an implication that in order to not be a burden and to be valuable, we have to prove ourselves extra useful to those around us and society in general because a superpower is something that makes someone generally extra useful, more so than the average person. Therefore, our illnesses and disabilities not only have to be useful to be acceptable but we have to go the extra mile in order to prove that we aren't dead weight. This is a common experience for people of all marginalised groups to differing extents and in different ways, the feeling that we aren't allowed to have flaws or make mistakes the same as everyone else because we aren't ever being given opportunities in good faith but simply "being given a chance" and could be let go at any moment should someone decide that we are not longer worth the hassle. Because there is already a negative bias towards who we are and what people believe our limits are. It implies that people with disabilities and mental illnesses are not allowed to just exist as people who have inherent value, we are either burdens or assets to be exploited. Remember, the ableist notion that our flaws have to be useful comes from the capitalist ideology that if you are unable to meet the same quota as everyone else and be a cog in the machine, you lose value as a human being. This is the idea behind the "high functioning" and "low functioning" labels given often to people who are mentally ill and/or neurodivergent.

I had an experience recently, It's not the first time something like this has happened but it's the first time something like this has happened through an interaction with a complete stranger. In this interaction someone who was interacting with me in a professional capacity (me being her client), asked me about my current situation with regards to work and education and so I disclosed that I had to drop out of university half way through because I was struggling with what I now know is an undiagnosed developmental disorder. During speaking to her I called it a "learning disability". I'm not sure if it does class as that but it just came out and I figured that for the purposes of not complicating the conversation I'd just go with it. The lady I was speaking to then proceeded to try and tell me (I'm sure with good intentions and without knowing specifically which disorder I was referring to) that she believed that learning disabilities should instead be called "learning differences" because they aren't disabilities really, it's just a difference in needs and learning style. In effect, telling me that she did not want to think of me as disabled, which to me felt like she was trying to tell me if I was disabled or not. Whilst, I do see the logic and merit in this line of thinking, I took issue with the fact that a stranger, who had a surface level understanding of my situation (she didn't even know what condition I have) tried to tell me if I was disabled or not, based purely in the context of productivity, as if being disabled and inept in some ways is a bad thing or something that she thought would make me upset with myself... which sometimes it does, but that's not her place to assume or voice for me. My condition, to the best of my knowledge, is defined as a disability, and whether or not I take on that label in my everyday life is my decision and mine alone.

The scene from the episode as well as my experience and the experience of others are all indicative of the issue of people not believing that those of us with mental illness or disabilities have inherent value. We have to go above and beyond in order to be valued as people with disabilities and mental illness, but when we are seen as another variation of the norm, to be no better or worse than everyone else, we are no longer seen as disabled or mentally ill. Mental illness and disability are not allowed to exist as a neutral state of being. We are not allowed to choose to be both disabled AND empowered to value ourselves. We are either romanticised or dismissed.

I would like to say to anyone reading this, neurotypical and abled or not, that whilst being mentally ill or disabled is not always pleasant or preferable and can come with immense disadvantages and challenges, it is not up to you to tell someone how to feel about themselves. It is not up to you to tell someone if you think they're disabled enough or not and we don't have to have "superpowers" in order to value ourselves and be seen as people with value because, whilst neurodiversity and mental illness is a natural occurrence in human beings and just a natural variation of human neurology in general, our society does not accept us as we are or inherently provide accommodations that allow for people with differences to flourish - hence, while we shouldn't be infantilised and demeaned, we also should be recognised as being at a disadvantage and not penalised for this.

I am a disabled person who doesn't view my disability as a superpower, and that's okay, and I deserve to value myself regardless.

Edit: it's been a day since I wrote this post and I'd like to add that another issue i take with calling mental illnesses and disabilities "superpowers" as a form of empowerment and acceptance is that it almost dismisses and trivialises imo the way that having a condition or disorder can not only effect your life but sometimes ruin it entirely. There are moments in the series when Marc and Stephen go through genuinely heartwrenching things because of their condition, but we're meant to believe that within 6 episodes all of that is forgotten and they just feel grateful for their circumstances. Again, I can't speak for those with DID but I can speak to my own experience more specifically and I'd wager some will relate with me that when I can't get out of bed, can't wash myself, can't feed myself, can't clean my room, can't manage my finances, can't respond to important emails and phonecalls, am constantly having to tap out for a moment at work, can't maintain solid friendships and relationships with those around me, I don't feel like a superhero, I don't feel grateful. So this scene to me seemed to have just been thrown in there as some inspiration porn, without consideration for whether it actually reflected the views and needs of the disabled/mentally ill audience.

#marvel #mcu #marvel mcu #marvel cinematic universe #mcu spoilers #marvel movies #moon knight #konshu #mark spector #mr knight #steven grant #ableism #abelism #disability #disabilities #disabled people #disbaility #disabled #disabled community #actually disabled #disabled life #disabilties #mental health #mental illness #mental ill health #mental awareness #mentally ill

[myfavouritegamecricketessay]

Master Cricket Storytelling: My Favorite Game Cricket Essay Writer Online

Cricket, a sport that captures the hearts of millions globally, serves as a canvas for narratives of passion, dedication, and the subtle art of sportsmanship. The piece "My Favorite Game Cricket Essay Writer" by Simplified is not just an essay; it's a heartfelt ode to cricket, masterfully woven into words. This review aims to dissect the layers of this composition, evaluating its content, style, and the emotional resonance it brings to the readers, especially those with an inherent love for the game.

Content and Insight

The essay starts with a personal anecdote, immediately drawing the reader into a world where cricket is not just a game but a way of life. The author, Simplified, uses this introduction to not only share a personal connection with cricket but also to set the stage for a broader discussion on why the game is revered worldwide. The narrative is rich in details, from the description of a buzzing stadium filled with eager spectators to the tense moments that define the essence of cricket.

Simplified delves deep into the history and rules of cricket, providing newcomers and seasoned fans alike with a comprehensive understanding of the game. This section is meticulously researched, indicating the writer's commitment to not just sharing a personal story but also educating the readers. The essay highlights cricket's evolution, from its origins to becoming a global phenomenon, emphasizing key moments and figures that have shaped the sport.

The writer's perspective on cricket as a metaphor for life's various facets is particularly compelling. Simplified draws parallels between the perseverance required in cricket and life's challenges, making the essay resonate on a universal level. This philosophical depth elevates the piece from a simple narrative to a reflective discourse on the lessons cricket imparts.

Style and Structure

Simplified's writing style is both eloquent and accessible, striking a balance that appeals to a wide audience. The essay is structured in a way that seamlessly transitions from personal anecdotes to historical insights and philosophical musings, keeping the reader engaged throughout. The use of vivid imagery and metaphors enriches the narrative, allowing readers to visualize the action and feel the emotions conveyed.

The author's passion for cricket shines through the writing, making it infectious. Even those with a fleeting interest in the game will find themselves captivated by the way Simplified articulates the excitement, tension, and sheer joy that cricket can bring. The language is not overly technical, ensuring that the essay is approachable for those unfamiliar with the sport, yet it contains enough depth to satisfy avid fans.

Emotional Resonance

One of the essay's strengths lies in its ability to evoke emotions. Simplified not only recounts moments of triumph and defeat but also explores the emotional rollercoaster that players and fans alike experience. The section on famous matches and legendary players is particularly moving, serving as a tribute to the spirit of cricket.

The essay also touches on the sense of community and camaraderie that cricket fosters, making it a powerful commentary on the sport's role in bringing people together. Simplified's reflections on playing cricket with friends and family highlight the game's social aspect, reminding readers that at its heart, cricket is about shared experiences and memories.

Critical Analysis

While "My Favorite Game Cricket Essay Writer" is a beautifully crafted piece, it could benefit from a more critical examination of the challenges facing modern cricket, such as commercialization, corruption, and the impact of technology on the game. Addressing these issues would provide a more rounded view of cricket, acknowledging its complexities and the challenges it faces in the 21st century.

Furthermore, the essay predominantly focuses on men's cricket, with limited mention of women's cricket and its significant achievements and struggles. Incorporating this aspect would not only make the narrative more inclusive but also reflect the growing prominence of women in the sport.

Conclusion

"My Favorite Game Cricket Essay Writer" by Simplified is a deeply engaging, thoughtfully written essay that captures the essence of cricket and its impact on individuals and communities. It is a testament to the writer's love for the game, offering both a personal and historical perspective that is rich in detail and emotion. Despite some areas for expansion, the essay succeeds in celebrating cricket's enduring legacy and its power to inspire, unite, and entertain. For anyone seeking to understand the allure of cricket or simply looking to relive its magic through words, this piece is an absolute must-read.

#my favourite game cricket essay writer #my favourite game cricket essay writer free #online my favourite game cricket essay writer #best my favourite game cricket essay writer

[kirazmattson]

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[anthurak]

One particularly interesting detail I haven’t seen many people talking about is the fact that Ironwood has a prosthetic left arm at the start of Volume 8.

I mean, think about the implications here. Ironwood’s arm was badly injured in his fight with Watts, but it’s not like he actually LOST the arm.

It seriously looks like that in the scant few hours between the end of Volume 7 and the start of Volume 8, Ironwood decided that he wasn’t going to wait for his arm to heal and simply amputated it and had it replaced with another prosthetic.

Ironwood didn’t lose his left arm due to battle or self-sacrifice. He lost it due to his own impatience.

Now in the moment of Volume 8, this is a pretty stark indicator of Ironwood’s villainous turn and how much he’s started dehumanizing those around him. He’s flat out dehumanizing himself.

But in the broader context of Ironwood’s character, I really have to wonder: Is this even the FIRST time Ironwood has done this? Replace part of his body with machinery not out of necessity but out of convenience?

Looking at this turn from Ironwood in hindsight with the massive, Robocop-esque cyberization we see in Volume 3, I wonder how many of those numerous prosthetics were actually the result of horrific, crippling injuries, and how many were the result of Ironwood simply not have the patience for his injuries to heal?

How many times do you think Ironwood was laid up in a hospital bed after being injured in battle, hearing a doctor explain that his wounds would heal, but he would need to stay in bed or physical therapy for a few months, weeks or even days. And Ironwood deciding that it would be faster and easier if he simply had the injured parts replaced with prosthetics. Maybe because he ‘can’t afford to stay away from work for that long’ or ‘can’t appear weak in front of his troops’ or simply refuses to feel weak by laying in a hospital bed for weeks or even just days. And to him, those parts of himself are just flesh and blood. What’s the problem with just replacing them?

Again, it can all serve to reinforce how Ironwood’s villainous turn was a long time in the making. If he can dehumanize himself so easily, is it any wonder he winds up doing the same to tens of thousands of people?

And the great irony of all this is that despite how much Ironwood may have replaced his body with machines, he still clearly feels great shame about those prosthetics at some level. Just look at his choice of clothing and how he’s always trying to hide his prosthetics with long sleeves and even gloves. It’s really one of the many ways Ironwood winds up being quite similar to Adam.

Despite how important Adam’s scar is to his motivation to avenge the injustices humans have perpetrated on faunus (and more importantly, HIMSELF), Adam still does his best to HIDE that scar under masks and blindfolds. Both Ironwood and Adam are men desperate to project an image of strength, so they are deeply ashamed of the scars and wounds that they believe make them appear weak.

Which of course, contrasts perfectly with Yang and how she wears her prosthetic arm openly. Heck, Yang even painted her new arm to make it stand out even more. Even when Yang was wearing detached sleeves in Volumes 5 and 6 that partially covered her right arm, she still clearly had no issue showing that arm off. And of course, Yang’s Atlas-arc redesign doesn’t try to hide her arm at all.

While Ironwood clearly tries to hide his prosthetics away Yang wears hers openly with pride.

#rwby #rwby volume 8 #rwby analysis #james ironwood #adam taurus #Yang Xiao Long

[arecomicsevengood]

I Think We Can All Agree, NFTs Are The Ugliest Thing We’ve Ever Seen

It was recently announced that Kickstarter is moving to the blockchain. I’ll be honest with you, I have no idea what this means, or why it would be done. It’s pretty obvious to me how Kickstarter makes its money, they pretty transparently deal in the stuff and take fees for doing so. It seems like blockchain is just the latest buzzword that gets thrown around silicon valley tech circles and appeals to investors. I don’t really know what it is, or how it connects to crypto, bitcoin, NFTs, all these things that are widely opposed to by reasonable people on the grounds of being environmentally destructive and also a scam. I know the website Popula used Blockchain, but that’s not why I stopped going there, the site was poorly designed and uninterested in giving any indication as to what its articles were about. I am not being facetious when I say I have no idea what the blockchain is. Does it have anything to do with how people on Twitter block people they’ve never interacted with because of the people they have negative interactions with are associated with them in some capacity? Does that cause a lot of carbon emissions?

All I know is that I’ve had a “fuck kickstarter” stance for a moment now, for reasons I haven’t publicly articulated. It’s one of the basic premises I operate from, which are perhaps impossibly idealistic and generally prone to conspiratorial thinking. These are the thoughts that sneak into my TCJ reviews and instigate minor controversies. I started writing for TCJ when Dan Nadel was an editor, though I never worked with him, I think my thoughts align broadly with the issues he highlighted in his infamous “sell your boots” editorial, or at least the subsequent comments thread. I think Kickstarter is a poor excuse for publishing. It creates a world where artists that are either established or have a big social media following or easy pitch can maybe succeed but diverts their success into things that have nothing to do with the art, or reaching a broader audience.

Nadel’s company Picturebox is in many ways my ideal for what a publisher should be. They put out a bunch of great books, but they also took risks, and some books were more successful than others. Successes subsidize risks, a risk that fails is not pursued further. With Kickstarter, a book that “does well” is pre-sold in advance to a readymade audience, and the more successful they are, they get a book on a different paper stock or some stickers or other bullshit. Whereas in publishing, you put out a book, and if does well, the stores that carried it know to order more of your other books, and more risks are taken. We’re now living in a wildly conservative time for book publishing, and interesting things don’t make it to stores, and stores are boring. It’s bleak all around.

Picturebox may be an esoteric example if I’m citing my ideal of what a good publisher does. Often I find myself thinking of Dark Horse in the nineties, which published creator-owned work from Frank Miller, Paul Chadwick, Paul Pope, Mikes Allred and Mignola, Bernie Mireault, Jay Stephens, and Dave Cooper. They also paid Jim Woodring to write Alien comics, they had a Grendel anthology that published work in the U.S. by artists from Croatia, and they did a bunch of manga licensing. I think of them as a much more conservative company now, whose work I don’t pay much attention to. Bob Schreck and Diana Schutz were the big editors in charge of the work I’m talking about, I believe, and it’s interesting to me that, when Schreck went on to DC Comics at the turn of the century to edit Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Strikes Again, he was working with an artist who was aware of (and inspired by) alt-cartoonists like James Kochalka to make weird and invigorating work. Comics these days is far more siloed off. There was a time when the success of Frank Miller got a higher page rate for Renee French. Now is a much rougher time for artists like Renee French economically, and while it may be wildly profitable for Frank Miller, I don’t think it’s benefitted him artistically to be in, essentially, the 1% of comics artists, afforded a deal with Legendary to be the only artist they publish. (Right? The movie studio got into comics, but only ever released Holy Terror?)

Another reason to romanticize the 1990s: Publishers handled publicity for their books in such a way that artists did not need to be constantly online, which is maybe the number one requirement of a person seeking to promote their Kickstarter. Part of the rationale behind Kickstarter is to treat traditional publishers like they’re parasites, which is true inasmuch as current publishers also require their artists to be online constantly, doing all the promotion of their work themselves, as part of the ongoing neoliberal shifting burdens onto those least adept at shouldering them. If I were a publisher, and I wanted the work of the artists I published to be as strong as possible, I would want their time online to be minimized. It does not benefit an artwork for its creator to suffer from terminally online brain. Particularly if a publisher is seeking to have a diverse publishing slate, the more an artist differs from the cis white male model, the more likely they are to be continually antagonized and harassed online. The work of being a proponent for oneself online works against the work of making work that’s larger than yourself off of it. (Traditional publishing theoretically supplies editors as well, which I’m sure many comics would benefit from, but how much publishers actually give useful editorial input to their artists is something I couldn’t say.)

This is not to suggest that Kickstarter doesn’t fulfill a role. Clearly, it is a response to the conservatism of traditional publishing. “Publishers should make bolder choices” might seem like a non-solution, as all the cultural factors I’m alluding to here plainly suggest why everyone is so conservative. But like: That’s it. That’s the solution. That’s the issue. Book publishing, done well, is the alternative to weird web platforms, which will probably always be prone to snake-oil salesmanship.

---

For whatever it’s worth, I should direct people to Domino Books, who is currently planning an anthology of weird experimental work which will be funded partly through advertising. Domino is also a zine distro, and I believe proprietor Austin English largely believes that distributing affordably-produced self-published work is a preferable alternative to publishing as I’m outlining it here. His tastes are far more outré than what would ever be successful on Kickstarter. But again: Selling ads to subsidize the costs of a publication is a pretty good example of what a publisher can do that shouldn’t be the artist’s responsibility to bear. Not all comics should have advertising, but it’s a pretty major part of the newspaper model that provided a profitable outlet for comics for the entire twentieth century. Anyway, credit is due to him and editor Floyd Tangeman for publishing artists who seemingly have no social media presence where one can preview their work.

[suguwu]

If you could have a say in it, what do you think nanami’s childhood/parents are like?

anon this is such a great question! i'm sorry it took so long to answer, but i kept going back and forth about certain parts or wanting to add more or just...trying to be coherent.

it's a very hard one too, considering we know basically nothing about his childhood. we don't even know that much about his teen years aside from his moments in gojo's past arc, which are quite limited. iirc haibara actually has more appearances in that arc than nanami does.

this is contingent on the idea that young children do not see curses until around the time innate techniques would show up (iirc that's around 4-6 in canon). i'm also working under the assumption that nanami doesn't have any windows in his family and is the only one who can see curses.

the rest is going under a cut bc as usual i can't shut up. it's a little piecemeal because i'm trying to cover a lot, but hopefully it gels decently!

overall, i would make the choice for nanami to have a "typical" childhood until around the time he starts to see curses. that for the first years of his life, he's just a regular kid—nothing even to slightly indicate the manifestation of his innate technique.

it'd be an interesting way for the jujutsu world to start whittling away at him early on. the impact of seeing curses for the first time with no context or support around what he's seeing would be shattering.

physically, he was 100% a chubby-cheeked baby i don't even have a justification for that i just want it. chipmunk-cheeked babymin sends me into fits.

as i mentioned in another ask, nanami strikes me as someone who was a sturdy kid. probably retained his chubby cheeks through a lot of his toddler years. likely a bit taller/broader than his peers until just before high school. he hits a growth spurt then and gets a little lanky as the rest of him catches up, but still retains those broader shoulders we see him have as a teen.

i see nanami as a quieter child, but by no means a solemn one. just maybe slightly shyer with his smiles until he feels more comfortable with someone. a little less likely to talk to you without being prompted—perhaps a few times—but once he is, he's happy to chatter at you.

similarly, it takes him a little bit to warm up to other kids, but he gets along well with most of them once he does. i don't think he necessarily actively seeks out more friends after he has a few of them, but has no issue with making new friends if another kid approaches him.

because he's quieter, people tend to think he's not as interested in outdoor activities, but he's constantly in motion (again, sturdy kid) during his earlier toddler years. put him down and he's gone. still, he usually doesn't stray too far from his parents. likes to have a hand on one of them when they're out in public and/or in a crowded area, whether it's his hand knotted into his mother's sleeve or his dad's pant leg.

for his parents, i'm not going to say too much about physical appearance, but he gets his height from his mother, his blond hair from his maternal grandfather (and i think that nanami—like many blonds—started out very blond, almost platinum, and it darkened as he aged), and his slim waist & big hands from his father.

i like to think that his mom is the more stoic parent. she's not distant or uninvolved! just more reserved than his father. she does something that's a bit of a mix of arts & technical work, like a civil or architectural drafter. i like to also think of her and nanami sitting at the kotatsu drawing together, him in crayon and her drafting <3

for his father, i like to think he does something arts related (a concert pianist is my favorite, for some reason). he's a little more lax than his wife, but he's firm too. both of nanami's parents are. they're firm, but mostly fair. overall, they're good parents.

but they don't know what to do when nanami starts seeing curses.

i like to think that nanami was actually a bit of a late bloomer in terms of his innate technique & seeing curses (i hc this for getou as well and sometimes toy with the idea that those from non-sorcerer families tend to manifest their innate techniques later than lineage ones, perhaps bc lineage sorcerers are around significant cursed energy for their entire lives). meaning that of the 4-6 age range, he'd be close to six or maybe even almost seven.

this is already getting...long so i'm going to just do the basics of the reaction to him seeing curses—likely at first they think it's an 'imaginary friend' but as nanami becomes progressively more frightened they do try to intervene. unfortunately, nothing works (because they're curses).

i'd like to think that nanami gets picked up by the jujutsu world relatively quickly (meaning within six months to a year), but it's so unclear in the manga as to how they locate scouted/non-lineage sorcerers. it could easily be a lot longer.

essentially, if it were up to me, nanami would have a good childhood that's derailed by the jujutsu world. it's an early introduction to the trauma of the jujutsu world, and it emphasizes the loneliness that is inherent to the jjk storyline. (i also think it ties in nicely with his emphasis on preserving itadori's youth, even though much of that can be traced back to haibara's death as well.)

to sum up: nanami's childhood is good until it isn't. jujutsu sorcery is a curse all its own.

#🪴.ask #anon #bee talks nanami #anon i'm so sorry this took so long #and is so long #and yet doesn't fully cover everything #it's just such a huge topic and we have so little information #and the potential long-term impact on nanami from being a sorcerer from a non-sorcerer family could probably fill up a novel #jjk spoilers #i am once again asking: is this coherent? #bc i do not know #i realized i was never gonna be able to fully capture my thoughts and was tired of looking at this lol

[agwitow]

Alpha Wolves

content warning: swearing, mild violence

Marcus yawned, his jaw cracking, and shook out his pants. It had been a long night, helping two pups with their first change. They were already packed into their parents’ SUVs, fast asleep, and on the way to their homes. In a few months they would be good to join a pack. It wasn’t always as simple with new shifters, but those two each had a parent who was one as well. Even at eight and ten, they knew a fair amount of what it meant to be a lycanthrope.

Dressed in sweats and a light cotton long-sleeved shirt, he ran a hand over his jaw and sighed. Full moon changes always made his hair grow. Even though he’d been clean-shaven before the change, he had what felt like two-days of growth now. Shaggy hair didn’t bother him nearly as much as a beard did, though by the end of the three days he’d need to get that trimmed as well.

He padded barefoot into the little cabin that served as his base of operations while helping new shifters and started a pot of coffee brewing. He hated the stuff, but it would be at least a couple hours before he could head home to sleep, so he needed something to keep him awake.

While it percolated, he checked his phone. Three emails from work, two from the pack, and some spam. He’d just opened the first email when the phone rang.

“Porter Consulting.”

“Mr. Porter, it’s Deputy Palerma from the EKSD,” a male with a pleasant tenor said.

East Keddol was a small town several miles from Hapburgh, the city Marcus lived and worked in. It was in the interesting position of being almost perfectly between Hapburgh pack territory and Redview pack territory. Surprisingly few places fell into the odd in-between spaces between packs, and, as far as he knew, no one had developed any specific protocols for dealing with them.

“How can I help you today, Deputy?”

“We have a shifter—twenty-three-year-old male—who attacked his friends when he shifted for the first time. Miss Davidson recommended I call you.”

Kaelyn Davidson did for the Redview pack what Marcus did for the Hapburgh one. She was, if he remembered correctly, also a month or two out from giving birth. Handling an adult shifter who’d already hurt people was probably not high on her list of ways to spend her time.

“I see. Is your new shifter awake?”

“No. We had to hit him with a tranq to be able to bring him in. He’s changed back, but hasn’t woken up yet.”

Marcus snorted. Safety Departments were, mostly, better than the old police system, but sometimes they were still a little too trigger happy. At least it was a tranquilizer dart instead of a clip of bullets. “I’ll send someone to pick him up. He’s going to wake up before they get there, and he’s going to be cranky and hungry.”

“I’ve taken the class on shifters, Mr. Porter,” Deputy Palerma said, sounding offended. “There is a post-shift recovery kit in the fridge.”

He stifled a sighed. “If that’s all you have, that’s fine, but it would be better if the new shifter could get freshly made food. Eggs, nuts, oats, cottage cheese or Greek yogurt, and pumpkin seeds are best. Avoid meat, if possible, especially red meat.”

“I thought shifters need protein the morning after?”

“We do, and the foods I listed are all high protein items. New shifters can find meats to be… an issue at first. As I’m not able to speak with your young man at present, it’s better to be cautious.”

There was a moment of silence on the line before Palerma said, “Alright. Who will be coming, and when should we expect them?”

“It’ll depend on who is free.”

“Can’t you just tell someone to do it? You’re the alpha, aren’t you?”

Marcus had to grit his teeth to keep from groaning. That damn study from the 40s. “That’s not quite how things work. All pack members have proper ID.”

“Fine,” he said, the word ending with an annoyed click of his tongue.

“Thank you. Someone will be there between 10:30 and noon.”

Once they’d said their farewells, Marcus sent out a quick message through the pack’s group chat.

New shifter, East Keddol holding, possible alpha complex. Any takers?

He set the phone down and poured himself a cup of coffee, adding enough cream and sugar to make it mostly palatable, before settling on a stool at the tiny kitchen��s bar-height table. He’d drunk half the cup before a chime indicated he’d gotten a response. Two more chimes rang out before he’d picked the phone back up.

Eddie: I’m free but never handled an alpha complex b4 wdin2k?

Ksenia: lol take a muzzle

Julianne: y can’t the Reds take em?

Marcus rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighed, and replied: Kaelyn’s 8 mo. Pregnant. Take the green SUV, put him in the back, and keep the divider up.

Eddie: is it that dangerous?

Thomas: alpha-complexers are just assholes

Julianne: TOM! There are CHILDREN in this chat

Thomas: no regrets!

Marcus temporarily turned notifications off for the group chat, replied to the most important of the work emails, set up reminders for the other two, then headed for the cabin’s futon. By the time he’d make it to his apartment in the city, he’d barely have any time to sleep before he’d need to head back out to meet the new shifter. So he’d nap on the futon and feel stiff for most of the afternoon.

#

A little after 2pm, the rumbling and crunch of a vehicle coming up the gravel drive to the cabin announced the arrival of Eddie and the new shifter. Marcus set aside his laptop and headed out to the porch to greet them. He was still barefoot and wearing sweats and the long-sleeved shirt, but he’d run a trimmer through the beard so he felt less like a back-woods mountain man.

The car had barely come to a complete stop before the back door opened and a young man stepped out with a glower. He was around average height, with enough muscle mass to indicate he worked out at least somewhat regularly. Dark blond hair hung to his shoulders and a thick beard wrapped his jaw—though whether that was a stylistic choice or the moon driven change accelerating his hair growth even more than it did for Marcus was unclear.

“You Marcus?” the young man demanded.

He raised an eyebrow, crossed his arms, and leaned against one of the porch supports. “I am. And you are?”

“Joseph.”

He nodded and shifted his gaze to Eddie, who’d stepped around to the front of the SUV. “How was the drive?”

Eddie shrugged, his gaze darting to Joseph and then away. “S’okay. Wouldn’t want to do it again, though.”

“Don’t blame you. Thanks for doing it, though. See you next week for a run, okay?”

His shoulders relaxed and he smiled. “Of course. Later, Marcus.”

Joseph scoffed. “Like he would be any good.”

Marcus shook his head and stepped down off the porch. He was a little shorter than the new shifter, though broader in the shoulders and with more muscle mass. “You will respect each and every member of our pack, or you’ll be sent to Palstead Institution. It is not a pleasant introduction to being a shifter.”

“Whatever, man. Just give me whatever stupid speech you’ve got so I can challenge you.”

“There will be no ‘challenging’ here.”

“Fuck that. I ain’t no submissive bitch.”

“What you do or don’t do in the bedroom has no relevance to this situation.”

Red flooded Joseph’s face a moment before he took a swing at Marcus. He’d obviously had a little bit of training, but the movement was still too big to be truly effective.

Marcus side-stepped and twisted a little so that he had more leverage as he placed a palm against Joseph’s arm and pushed. It wasn’t a big push, but the kid had overextended himself and it knocked him off balance enough to make him stumble. He took a step back and waited for the next attack he knew would be coming.

Joseph didn’t disappoint. He came up swinging wildly, rushing toward him as if he couldn’t decide whether to beat his face in or tackle him to the ground.

Marcus calmly deflected each blow, leading Joseph in a circle as he side-stepped and backed away from the attacks. Less than a minute later, Jospeh was panting and struggling to even come close to landing any blows.

“Have you finished with your temper tantrum, yet?” Marcus asked.

Joseph glared at him but stopped, bending over with hands on knees as he panted.

“You seem to be under the misunderstanding that pack members fight each other. Different packs rarely even fight each other.”

“How…how do you know who’s alpha, then?”

“There is no ‘alpha.’ Not the way you’re thinking, anyway.”

“What?”

Marcus sighed and took a seat on the ground. The grass was soft and, thanks to a sunny morning, contained no hint of dampness. After a moment’s hesitation, Joseph slumped down as well. “Pack is family. Would you pick a fight with your dad to try and take over the family?”

“No…”

He shrugged. “Picking a fight with a pack member makes about as much sense. We each have a role to play, and that role is based on our skills and personality and knowledge. Not on who we’re able to beat up.”

“Aren’t we wolves? At least partly?”

“Yes. And that’s how wolves behave.”

Joseph stared at him blankly.

He sighed again. “Come inside. I’ll make you a tuna sandwich and you can read one of the brochures.”

Joseph followed him inside, silent, but with a simmering edge of anger beneath his exhaustion. Once the full moon was over and the forced changes weren’t sapping his energy, he would be a real pain in the ass if Marcus couldn’t nip the problem in the bud.

“Here,” he said, picking up a glossy tri-fold and handing it over. “Have a seat. Read. I’ll make the sandwiches.”

He settled onto a stool, shoulders hunched and brows drawn. “Why Alpha-Dog Theory is BS,” he read. “Seriously?”

“Mhm,” Marcus replied. “Some of the pack wanted to title it It’s Not Your Inner Wolf, You’re Just an Asshole, but that seemed a bit confrontational.”

“… Oh.”

“Mhm.”

(Moon-Bound - part 2)

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[turtle-paced]

A:tLA Re-Watch: Fine-Toothed Comb Edition

Warning for a heavy episode. This brightly-coloured family show full of optimists and strange critters has a setting built on a genocide.

Book 1, Chapter 3 - The Southern Air Temple

(0:55) Previously on Avatar, Katara and Sokka found Aang in an iceberg. They realised he was there for a hundred years, making him the last known airbender. Katara and Aang decide to go to the North Pole to learn waterbending, Zuko in pursuit.

(1:43) The establishing shot here tells us that we’ve come a decent distance from the South Pole already. There’s no ice in sight.

(1:50) However, Katara is still in a thick winter coat. Partly this has got to be because she doesn’t have other clothing. This is still worth keeping track of, as the recurring cast often change their outfits (according to the weather and cultural demands), usually while keeping the same general ‘look’. There are, however, exceptions.

(1:59) Katara gently tries to manage Aang’s expectations. She still has more information than Aang does about recent history, but what she says here in the face of Aang’s excitement is, “A lot can change in all that time.” This episode will get into showing us the double-edged nature of Katara’s greatest virtue and deepest flaw. Which, in the tradition of many excellent characters (and definitely in keeping with the main cast of the entire series), is the same character trait.

Meanwhile, poor Aang. What an optimist he is - his reaction to learning that he woke up a hundred years in the future is to race home and see how everything’s changed, because it might be really cool and he wants to show his home off to his new friends! In some ways it’s really easy to look past how well Aang handles waking up a hundred years in the future. He’s not openly preoccupied by the fact that it’s likely that everyone he knew and loved is dead, but concentrating on the good stuff he has right this minute.

Like Katara, Aang’s greatest flaw is an extension of his greatest virtue. Aang is fantastic at focusing on the here and now, on the positives of his situation, on keeping his spirits up. Though as we’ll see, this is vitally important in how he stands up under incredible pressures, we’ll also see him ignore real and potential problems coming down the track. Like right here, when despite knowing how shocked everyone was to see an airbender, he ignores Katara’s hint that he’s not going to like what he finds here.

(2:17) Sokka is definitely a teenage boy. Lots of sleep and lots of food required.

(2:27) “There’s a prickle snake in your sleeping bag!” What I’m taking from this is that the fauna of Avatar world was still a work in progress at this point, because they’re not talking about echidna-snakes or porcu-snakes or hedgehog-snakes.

(2:36) We pan over a shipyard full of clearly Fire Navy ships. Even before the details of the flag come in view, there’s the industrialisation, there’s that harsh colour palette, there are those spiky, spiky ships. Plus there’s the horn. The production team is training us to associate these things with Fire Nation.

(2:39) Then the pan across hits Zuko’s ship. This is some brilliant recontextualising of the threat Zuko posed in the previous two episodes. The ships in dock at this timestamp are to Zuko’s ship what Zuko’s ship was to Katara, Sokka, and Aang last episide. It’s also visibly more battered than the others. Yet Zuko is a prince! Three seconds, not a word spoken, and the show’s visually raised some questions about Zuko’s relationship to his nation’s war effort.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that in this episode, Zuko’s ship is a noticeably lighter shade than Zhao’s black metal fleet. Still the bad guys, but that one’s a solid tip that Zuko is the less bad guy. Combined with the aforementioned beat-up ship, this recontextualises Zuko himself. Katara later says that when she thought of the face of the enemy, it’s Zuko she thought of - but the viewer’s got more information than she does, and can see he’s not the operator of the war machine.

(2:48) Zuko orders Iroh not to discuss the Avatar in Fire Nation territory, thus indicating for us that the Fire Nation characters are not all working together for the same goals.

(3:00) “Captain Zhao.” “It’s Commander now.” Another quality introduction! Zuko’s address of Zhao by the incorrect rank shows he’s out of the loop. Zhao’s correction shows us the upwards movement and the importance of his own power to him, the pleasure he takes in this emphasised by the acting. Five words!

The show follows this up by giving some context on Iroh. Zhao greets Iroh as a general and “great hero” of the nation, but where pretty much the first thing out of Zhao’s mouth was “Commander Zhao,” Iroh says that he’s retired, deflecting the praise of his previous career. Zhao also helpfully exposits that Iroh is the Fire Lord’s brother, so we’re clear that Iroh is Zuko’s paternal relation. We haven’t had the same signalling that the Fire Nation is patriarchal that we’ve had with the Water Tribes thus far (we haven’t actually seen a female Fire Nation character yet, and won’t for a while), so it’s still a little hard to know where Iroh stands vis-a-vis inheritance.

(3:10) Zhao refers to the harbour as his harbour. While it saves the writers having to come up with a disposable place name, it again goes to indicate Zhao’s possessiveness of authority.

(3:21) In something that will eventually provide an excellent contrast with Azula, Zuko shows himself to be a terrible liar. Iroh’s not much better. Not in this situation. Man can keep his secrets, but I suspect the real secret is never being asked difficult questions.

(3:47) A rare instance of Iroh hauling Zuko up short and flat up telling him what to do. Show respect. A bigger deal once you know Zuko got a fireball to the face for being disrespectful/‘disrespectful’ in a meeting with military figures. However, given that Zhao controls the harbour, probably necessary for Iroh to step in.

(4:10) Sokka complains about a lack of food supplies. We don’t always need to know where the gAang is getting food, because the show reliably brings up supplies when they’re an issue. We’ll also see this as an issue more in season one, when Katara and Sokka are still getting used to travelling. By the time we hit season three, the group is much more confident in their ability to secure supplies even in areas they don’t know well.

On top of this, Aang’s use of Sokka’s jerky as kindling is the first part of the understated running gag that Aang just does not like Southern Water Tribe cuisine. Vegetarianism aside.

(4:40) Katara gets a bit more blunt about what’s likely at the Southern Air Temple. This is the first mention of the fact that Katara and Sokka’s as-yet-unnamed mother was killed in a Fire Nation raid. Remarkably for a kids’ show, they actually say that Kya was killed and discuss the fact that the Fire Nation might have killed all the airbenders.

For Aang’s part, this is a bit repetitive, but the new info about Katara’s family situation keeps the plot and character development moving along.

(4:58) At the same time, for all the flack he gets about being naive, Aang’s rebuttal isn’t “people wouldn’t be so cruel!”, he’s arguing that the Air Temples are literally inaccessible without airbending in some form and that therefore death on the scale Katara thinks might have taken place is logistically impossible.

(5:20) The setting design in this series is amazing, and the Southern Air Temple is actually kind of meh by the series’ later standards (Western Air Temple is where it’s at, IMO). That said, you wonder how much pre-war architecture outside the North and South Poles was a joint effort between different types of benders. In a really nice detail, you can see the airball field from this shot.

(5:36) “And by year’s end, the Earth Kingdom capital will be under our rule.” Zhao implicitly puts the series on a timetable here, even before we get the details. 

Tellingly, when we pan out, Zuko is not engaged in this assessment. He’s literally got his back turned. He’s doing bad things for bad reasons, but it’s not naked imperialism fuelling his determination. We’ll get into what Zuko thinks about the war effort a bit more in season two, when he starts actually thinking about the Fire Nation’s war, more critically and carefully than he expresses in his next line.

In the meantime, a) it’s the height of privilege that Zuko can turn his back on this and b) I do wonder if Zuko’s criticism of his father here wasn’t some early instalment weirdness, with the writers not having quite nailed down the dynamics between Zuko and his parental figures.

(5:48) “Two years at sea have done little to temper your tongue.” So! First, more timeline for us. Second, the implication here is that Zuko was known to be outspoken. Imprudently outspoken.

(6:03)  Once again Zuko can’t lie very well, but unlike that moment when he was just getting off the ship, this isn’t played for laughs. Zuko can’t lie very well, and that’s serious. Also, Zhao confirms the Air Nomad genocide over here in the B-plot, while over in the A-plot we’re still waiting for that painful shoe to drop. Builds tension - it’s not just Katara’s suspicions anymore, but straight from the mouth of a Fire Nation commander.

(6:19) Can’t help but notice that Zhao is a firm believer in the Avatar’s power. The man has done his spirit research.

(6:23) “If you have an ounce of loyalty left, you’ll tell me what you found.” More implications that Zuko is not perceived to be totally on board with broader Fire Nation goals. If he was, why would his loyalty be in question?

(6:38) Zhao halts Zuko here as his men report that they interrogated Zuko’s own soldiers offscreen. So this entire thing was never about how well Zuko could lie, but Zhao giving Zuko enough rope to hang himself. Zhao ends up being lower stakes and lower competence compared to the endgame villains, but man, even now, the villains of this show do not mess around.

(7:06) Speaking of early-instalment weirdness, not sure the writers worked out quite what to do with Sokka this episode. He’s basically a running gag in this episode, almost entirely lacking in depth and nuance. Almost entirely - I’ll point out those moments when we get to them.

(7:22) For all Aang believed his people might be alive, he can’t deny the emptiness of the temple.

(7:33) There we go! There’s the depth from Sokka that repeated “I’m hungry” gags don’t get through. Sokka sees that Aang is depressed, and asks a question about something Aang genuinely enjoys. Followed by the cut to Aang thoroughly kicking Sokka’s ass at a sport designed for airbenders.

(7:53) Sokka let Aang kick his ass at an airbending sport for seven rounds.

(8:06) More nuance from Sokka as he and Katara find evidence of Fire Nation soldiers on temple grounds. He says that he and Katara should tell Aang, but when Katara decides otherwise, he doesn’t overrule her and force the confrontation. He respects that Katara’s got the better relationship with Aang. At the same time, his call-out of her failure to tell Aang is a pretty gentle one that recognises why she doesn’t want to tell him.

This is what I mean by Katara’s greatest strength also being one of her most severe character flaws. She’s so driven to help and protect the people she cares about - but this occasionally veers into being overprotective.

(8:49) Sokka continues to argue that Katara should tell Aang after the cut. Goes to show some of the differences between the siblings. Katara puts her friend’s feelings first, Sokka prioritises truth and facts. Handled badly, I’m sure we can all see how this could be extremely sexist storytelling. 

Here, though, the story appreciates that the harsh truth of what happened to the Air Nomads is unimaginably harsh, and should be broken appropriately. Aang needs to know the truth, and Aang deserves emotional consideration for the impact of that truth. Katara’s not wrong to be sensitive about a sensitive subject; she’s just wrong in taking that last step in lying by omission.

(8:57) Aang introduces Monk Gyatso via statue, so we have some idea of Aang’s family situation. Note the outfit.

(9:06) Cut from the solemn and wise statue to Gyatso imparting important cake-baking airbending techniques to Aang. These are some priorities I can get behind. And frankly you can see the similarity between the teacher who uses airbending to help with baking, to Aang who uses airbending to get bison snot out of clothes. Practical, everyday use.

(9:22) “The only mistake [the monks] made was telling you before you turned sixteen.” More implications! Aang was told about being the Avatar very young. Reasoning left obscure. It’s also giving some texture to the Air Nomads; they’re not idealised, but capable of making ordinary human mistakes right off the bat.

(9:29) “We must act on what is,” Monk Gyatso says, which is also clearly something else Aang took to heart. The pan over the Southern Air Temple as it was a hundred years ago is also pretty heartbreaking, with all the greenery, and the bison, and the people.

(9:47) Next plot flag, guide for Aang in the inner sanctuary.

(10:08) I strongly disapprove of wasted cake. Though as we see, Gyatso was trying to maintain Aang’s sense of fun and improve his aim, both of which are legitimate goals.

(10:54) Aaaaand Sokka’s back to being a food joke.

(11:58) More hints at Zuko’s status given that Commander Zhao feels pretty safe calling the Fire Lord’s son pathetic.

(12:10) This gives us another layer of complexity in Zuko’s plot this season. He’s now competing with Zhao to find the Avatar. More than that, he’s the underdog here, compared to the much better resourced Zhao.

This is some vital positioning to maintain audience engagement in the heel part of Zuko’s slow heel-face-turn, where the risk is people turning off Zuko as he does bad things for bad reasons. We don’t meet Zhao from Aang, Katara, and Sokka’s point of view, where he’d be pretty similar to Zuko in some important ways. We meet Zhao from Zuko’s PoV, so we’re clear on how Zuko is better by comparison, and so we barrack for Zuko to continue to show those better qualities.

(12:30) In a rare background detail failure, not many of these Avatar statues appear to depict female Avatars.

(13:07) A characterisation detail for Aang I like. Upon realising that every statue here depicts one of his past lives, he doesn’t appear to feel it as an oppressive weight - no, he treats it as a Cool Thing. 

Meanwhile, Sokka doesn’t believe in reincarnation. While hanging out with the Avatar.

(13:21) Our first look at Roku. (Next to him, it’s Very Definitely Not Kyoshi. Early instalments!)

(13:31) And the exposition! Now we know who it was vanished from that spire in the intro.

(13:45) The show frames Aang’s knowledge of Roku’s name as a sign of their connection, past life to reincarnation. Personally, I would have thought that especially in Aang’s time, people would have been quite likely to know the name of the previous Avatar. Given that Katara and Sokka were both born a hundred odd years after Roku died, and grew up in a very isolated place, I can believe that they wouldn’t have known Roku’s name.

(14:00) Even in the middle of the Southern Air Temple, the kids immediately hide when they hear footsteps and see a shadow, assuming it’s a firebender approaching. That’s how cautious they are already.

(14:17) Introducing Momo!

(15:23) What starts riling Zuko up here is Zhao treating him as inconsequential. Kid covers up his deep-seated self-worth issues by insisting on the external validation.

(15:33) Aside from Zhao emphasising the disparity in his and Zuko’s respective resources, Zhao also tells us that Zuko is formally banished.

(15:38) But then Zhao gets to the heart of Zuko’s issues. “Your own father doesn’t even want you.” We’ve seen this episode that Zuko’s got the one battered little ship. We know from the previous episodes that Zuko needs to capture the Avatar, and heard his desire to return home. Now we get the concrete info that Zuko’s dad kicked him out.

Again, this is all important in setting up Zuko’s long arc. This kid is being treated horribly by a representative of his own nation. The viewers are already being given reasons not to want to see Zuko defeated, but to want him to get out.

(15:47) When Zuko maintains that his father will welcome him home with honour if he just captures the Avatar, Zhao immediately undermines that idea by telling Zuko that if his father really wanted him, he’d’ve just rescinded the banishment without conditions. He’s Fire Lord, he can do that. This is another case of both sides being right here! Ozai does eventually welcome Zuko home with honour for ‘killing the Avatar’ - but by then Zuko’s got an inkling that Ozai’s acceptance is 100% conditional, and his father does not truly want Zuko back or care for him as a person. Because if he did care about Zuko as a person, he’d never have done any of the things he did in Zuko’s backstory.

(16:01) Zhao says that Zuko’s scar proves he’s a failure and a disgrace. Details left out. It’s enough to connect Zuko’s scar with his banishment, though.

(16:07) The introduction of Agni Kai, which is clearly a duel.

(16:17) Iroh asks Zuko if he remembers the last time he challenged a master. Zuko replies in the affirmative as we pan from the unscarred side of his face to the scarred side. Again, implications. Combined with Zhao’s earlier comments about Zuko’s time at sea not tempering his tongue, we actually have a decent picture of the events leading up to Zuko’s banishing, here in episode three. We definitely have the implications that Zuko said something, fought a duel against a master, lost (or he wouldn’t be a failure), and was scarred.

The show won’t confirm this for another ten episodes. But the backstory’s there.

(16:32) Meanwhile, back in the A plot, Aang chases Momo around the ruins of the Southern Air Temple.

(16:41) And comes across a rather grisly sight for a kids’ show. There are a lot of bodies in the room Aang walks into, arranged so it’s clear this was no accident.

(16:49) Gets worse as Aang spots Gyatso’s distinctive necklace (which was in focus on the statue earlier). There’s no good way to find this out, but Aang stumbled into the scene of his parental figure’s violent demise. Again, with the context of ‘The Storm’, this is way, way worse. It was already bad.

(17:07) Aang is understandably distraught, and unfortunately distraught untrained Avatar = Avatar state.

(17:22) As Katara wanders through the sanctuary and its depictions of past Avatars, she sees the eyes of the statues light up and knows that something’s up with Aang.

(17:26) Cut to elsewhere (definitely Earth Kingdom), followed by what must be the Northern Water Tribe, and the Fire Nation, where their depictions of Avatars are also lit up. Note that the Earth Kingdom’s mural definitely looks more like Kyoshi.

(17:35) The sages at the Fire Nation temple spell it out - this is inarguable proof that the Avatar’s back. Again ups some tension for us. The Avatar’s return is now public knowledge, and we know more people than Zuko and Zhao will be after our protagonists.

(18:03) When not reduced to a running gag, Sokka is already super quick on the uptake - he put together that Aang discovered his mentor’s corpse from the outfit, too, it seems.

(18:35) Iroh instructs Zuko to remember his firebending basics. We’ve already heard one - the breath.

(18:50) This fight scene helps us do some assessment of how dangerous Zuko and Zhao are in straight fights. Initial threat scaling - we’ll get more information over the course of the season. In the meantime, enjoy the choreography! One of the reasons the fight scenes are great is because the writers and animators did their research into the martial arts styles that bending is based on; another is because they don’t lose sight of the fact that characters are involved, with differing temperaments, goals, and skill sets. Avatar fight scenes convey character as well as progress plot.

Over the brief course of this fight we see Zuko start very aggressively, lose breath control, and get reminded to break Zhao’s footwork. That is, he’s not paying attention to Iroh’s basics. When Zhao counterattacks, Zuko’s defensive work is noticeably weaker than Zhao’s, basically tanking the fireballs on his forearms and torso while he gets pushed backwards (Zhao manages to break fireballs apart or split them well in front of him and away from his core, without losing ground).

(19:40) We can see Zuko’s fear as someone aims a fireball at his face. But with that, he turns the tables, gets up, and starts a counter-counterattack. Aimed at Zhao’s feet, as Iroh said to do. Zuko does not win this fight on skill alone - he wins because when he gets knocked down, he gets back up and tries again, applying the lesson of his previous mistakes. Could this be Zuko’s arc in miniature? I think it might be!

(20:15) Given a free shot at Zhao, Zuko declines to so much as scorch one of his earlobes. A gesture Zhao was not willing to make bare seconds ago, and going by the scar, also not a mercy extended by Zuko’s previous opponent. This is why he’s the less bad guy right now - Zuko’s not hurting people, not even his enemies, just because he can.

(20:29) Cheap shot from Zhao there, so we know he’s not one to accept when he’s lost.

(20:32) Completely cancelled by Iroh, out of fucking nowhere, who effortlessly knocks Zhao on his ass. Like I said, initial threat scaling. Early season one, the extent of Iroh’s abilities are hinted at rather than showcased.

(20:52) “Even in exile, my nephew is more honourable than you,” Iroh says. He also thanks Zhao for the tea.

(21:03) “Did you really mean that, Uncle?” Zuko asks, once they’re out of Zhao’s earshot. There speaks a young man who does not often get positive feedback from anyone, and who can’t believe someone was sincere about their public praise.

(21:08) Iroh implies that he meant it, without explicitly saying so. It’s graceful - gives Zuko that confirmation, but doesn’t put Zuko in a place where he has to accept a compliment he’s not ready for or equipped to handle.

(21:15) Meanwhile, back at the A-plot, we’re seeing Katara at her best. It’s true that her desire to protect Aang didn’t work and didn’t help. We don’t leave off on the ‘greatest weakness’ part, but on the ‘greatest strength’ part. She empathises with Aang’s pain and offers of herself to help Aang. “Sokka and I - we’re your family now.” Without hesitation.

(21:38) The Water Tribe siblings step closer to each other for reassurance once the threat of being blown off the mountain has receded. Little things like that show you how close Katara and Sokka are.

(21:46) Again, Sokka’s got Katara’s back in her decision that Aang is now family. He doesn’t initiate like Katara does, but he’s on board.

(21:53) The first thing Aang says is “I’m sorry.” I can’t help but think that the uncontrolled Avatar State must really, really suck for Aang. It’s not gone into in any detail, but how bad must he feel that he endangered his new friends and further damaged the temple? His first words here are to apologise to others, rather than continuing to manage his own grief.

Aang is a very thoughtful person in many ways.

(22:03) Not stupid, though, as he can see that if the Fire Nation targeted the Southern Air Temple, chances are good they got to the others as well. Katara hugs him as he tries to deal with the fact that he is the last airbender.

(22:17) Aang emphasises the fact that he’s going to need some help from Roku. Just throwing that out there for future plot.

(22:44) “You, me, and Appa are all that’s left of this place,” Aang says with what seems rather likely to be a faked smile. He and Katara laugh at the newly-named Momo’s theft of Sokka’s fruit.

(23:04) But the fact that this doesn’t erase Aang’s grief is emphasised by the end of episode, where he silently watches the ruined and empty Southern Air Temple recede into the distance.  Even though he’s good at putting up a front and focusing on the good things that are, the loss of his home and people will underpin Aang’s character for the rest of the series.

This episode is a damned important one, and the importance comes out more when looked at holistically rather than my running commentary above. For Katara and Sokka, this episode gives the key detail of their mother’s death, and gives them that solid and explicit emotional commitment to Aang that will provide them with motivation for sticking with him all series, but this isn’t their episode.

This episode kicks Aang out of his past and locks Aang into the hero’s journey in the A-plot. Meanwhile, in the B-plot, it sets Zuko up not as a primary villain, but as a deuteragonist, catching us up on how he too has been kicked out of home and left to quest. This episode shows us why neither protagonist nor deuteragonist can go home again.

#a:tla #cw: violence #cw: abuse #fine toothed comb edition

[pynkhues]

Why do you think good girls don’t kill off white people ?

Ah! Well! That’s a pretty loaded question, haha.

I think there are quite a few things to unpack within it, particularly around how this show handles race and violence more broadly, and I’m going to do my best to offer an answer to that for you here, but before I do that, I want to start with the fact that I’m not the best person to ask.

Honestly, it’s a conversation I struggle with because while I do read, listen and try to think proactively about media, criticism and the voices of BIPOC writers, audiences and critics, I’m also white and I’m Australian, so presenting myself as anything close to an authority on the subject of race and storytelling in America feels wildly irresponsible at best.

(When I say that too, please don’t get me wrong and think I’m excusing Australian media from similar conversations – Australia has a deeply racist past and present, but the context of that past and present is very different to the experience of BIPOC in America, and to equate the two would be diminishing to the nuance of both conservations).

My point is that if any other bloggers feel comfortable and want to speak to this, or to what I write below, please do! And please tag me so that I can see and reblog, because I know I’m not the best source for this conversation and because I’d love to learn more myself and amplify the voices of people with more informed points of view!

But! You asked me and I don’t want to dodge the question either or thrust responsibility onto others!

So!

I personally think the issues of race on this show vary not just character-to-character, but writer-to-writer, which is indicative of a broader problem with the show I’ll talk about a bit later. Right now, I want to talk about the fact that there have been episodes where I think race has been handled in a way that feels thoughtful and considered. In particular, I’m talking about 2.06 which really paralleled Turner and Stan as Black men working for law enforcement, a conversation that was revisited in 2.09 during the lie detector test when the strength of Stan’s character was contrasted with the self-interest of Turner’s. The latter episode was also bolstered by Ruby and JT’s push-pull which came to a close by spotlighting a class issue often tied to race – under-resourced school districts. These are rounded episodes that touch on the nuance of complicated issues, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that both episodes were written by Black writers, Des Moran and Carla Banks-Waddles.

That said, that nuance is too-frequently missing.

I think there are a lot of occasions where the show removes race from character and context in a way that is detrimental to not just those characters, but to the show overall. One of the clearest examples of this is – as @foxmagpie pointed out just the other day – the inauthenticity of the show presenting Ruby’s experience of invisibility as the same as Beth and Annie’s, something that the show does more or less every episode. Her experiences would not be the same as theirs, and to present it as such diminishes her arc, her relationship with Beth and Annie, and the show’s themes overall.

That removal of race from character and context is often a key issue that the show has with how it depicts violence. and I’m going to circle back to this point in a moment, but I just want to clarify something else quickly.

The show has killed off white people.

In fact, prior to 2.13, most of the characters killed were white (Eddie and Jeff), although not all (Ruby’s dad), and all the characters who experiences violence were white – Annie was almost raped, Mary Pat was raped, Dean was shot, Big Mike was shot, Ben’s bully had his finger broken, and Boomer was hit over the head with a bourbon bottle, held hostage in a treehouse, punched, manhandled and hit by a car. Marion was also killed off in 3.08.

I’m bringing this up not to diminish the violence that Ruby, Rio, Turner and Lucy have experienced on this show, but rather to emphasise my point above. The show, I think, wants to treat all of this as the same. It wants Ruby, Rio, Turner and Lucy’s identity and race to be incidental in these moments when it can’t be, because it’s not. Because ignoring the social and cultural history of the violence that these characters experience is not only inauthentic, but a part of a pattern of storytelling that brutalises BIPOC bodies in media.

None of us live in a vacuum, and context matters. Context is important. Context is what all of us live with, and on paper – in a vacuum – a man being shot by an ex-lover after he kidnaps her is very different to the contextualised image of a white woman shooting her Latino ex-lover – a sequence of events that conjures racist stereotypes, tropes and historic cultural violence. Similarly, a woman being murdered after being used by a colleague and then coerced by a gang is different on paper to the image of an Asian woman being used by a white woman and then murdered in a country where anti-Asian violence is at an all time high, and when Asian characters in Western media have historically been treated as disposable.

We don’t live in a world without context, so the stories we consume shouldn’t ignore that context irresponsibly.

I also think there’s something to be said here about the salacious presentation of certain acts and the lingering camera on certain moments. The scene with Rio being shot is graphic in a way no other violence on the show has been, with the closest to it – I would argue – being Boomer’s attempted rape of Annie in 1.01, which is a whole other kettle of fish (I have very mixed feelings about how this show uses and talks about rape, but that feels like a whole other post, haha). Similarly, the camera lingered on Ruby’s shot leg (and the story’s stayed with us longer than Dean’s shot chest), and Turner’s body, while Marion and Eddie were both killed off-screen. At the same time though, there’s an argument to be made that the show’s treated the violence against these character’s a lot more seriously than it’s treated, say, Boomer being carted off in a bag after being raped in prison to presumably be further brutalised in some way, or Dean collapsing at Boland Motors halfway through a Fortnite dance.

My point there is that we shouldn’t ignore that white characters on the show are killed and brutalised too, but we also need to acknowledge that these scenes are entrenched in different contexts, which means that the way that they play out has a really different impact, and the show trying to divorce these acts from race is ignorant and irresponsible.  

In that sense, I don’t think the show’s trying to be harmful or deliberately relying on racist tropes. I think it’s made active efforts to rectify certain problems it’s had historically (half of s3’s episodes were written by Black women, a marked evolution from 0 in s1), but it’s one that, in my opinion, doesn’t treat race as central to its story in the way that it should, particularly as a relatively diverse show that’s concerned with class, family, poverty and crime in America. And that is why I think the depiction of it varies writer-to-writer, and it’s why I think the show overall can be thoughtless with how it depicts scenes of death and violence, and that is a top-down problem that Jenna and the PTB need to address.

After all, death and violence are always going to be a part of a show like this – particularly a show that has such a small, insulated cast (ergo limited characters to depict as both victims and perpetrators of that violence in meaningful ways), but it’s the thoughtlessness for me that steeps the show’s most racist scenes, and in 2021 that’s really not acceptable and the show should be held accountable.

#crime time #behind the scenes #sort of #race #welcome to my ama #lanai6world #race on gg

[saturniandevil]

August 2021 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast’s August Forecast. Dates are based on US Mountain Time (Daylight savings-- UTC-6) and may be a day earlier in the Eastern Hemisphere.

We’re entering this month right on the tail of Jupiter regressing back into Aquarius on July 28th, where he’ll remain for basically the rest of the year before finally going direct again in the fall and re-entering Pisces in December. While we’ve been feeling some optimism, we’ll be seeing a return to Saturnian themes for the remainder of the year. Chris describes Jupiter’s ingress into Pisces before a retrograde as a kind of “skipped step”--there’s some unfinished business in Aquarius (& with Saturn) that we’ll have to revisit.

We’re also moving away from the fixed sign tensions--Mars has just moved into Virgo today (July 29th), away from the Saturn-Uranus square, which is itself separating as Saturn continues retrograding through Aquarius. Jupiter’s regress into the same sign may help to soften the Saturnian struggles even though the benefic Jupiter is no longer in domicile.

August 1st - Sun Conjunct Mercury This will also be exactly opposite Saturn, meaning Saturn is exactly halfway through its retrograde and will station direct ~70 days later. This also means that Mercury is very far away from earth--literally broadening the scope of our thoughts. This configuration indicates a moment of critical insight or clarity, especially with whatever Saturn’s trek through Aquarius has been bringing up for you (look at the house which contains Aquarius in your own chart for a starting point). It’s a good time for slow, methodical reflection on the Aquarius tensions before Mercury races through the next sign.

August 8th - New Moon in Leo This is at ~16° Leo, and is within 2° of a square to Uranus, the challenger, in Taurus (who’s is slowing down in preparation for a retrograde later this month). The lunation is also opposite Saturn by sign, so we will still be dealing with structure (Saturn) and challenges to it (Uranus): do we need to rebuild from the ground up, or modify what we have already? Are our new structures holding up through the chaos? Uranus has just trined its ruler Venus, so this could be a more beneficial or productive set of changes.

August 9th - Venus Opposite Neptune (not pictured) This may be a good time to experience the healing power of vegging out. Venus is frenetic in Virgo but Neptune, hanging out in her exaltation, encourages us to indulge in some illusions like watching TV. Venus-Neptune contacts are also good times for the arts and other dreamy pursuits.

August 11th - Mercury enters Virgo Mercury will be joining Mars in this sign (exact at 12° Virgo on August 18th), as well as Venus, who’s on her way out. Mercury-Mars conjunctions can make our words harsh and combative, getting us into situations where we’re trying way too hard make someone else accept every single reason why they’re wrong, so watch your words. However Mercury is dignified and therefore running the show, so we may be able to apply this energy towards productive, intense analysis and editing. It’s a great time to cut things down, like editors who can take a director’s rambling creative ideas and trim them down into a successful film. What kind of cutting is constructive, and what is destructive?

August 16th - Venus enters Libra Venus makes a trine to Saturn as she reaches 8° Libra on the 23rd, and with Jupiter approaching Saturn from the other side, it’s a soothing position for the malefic. We can focus on the elegant, design aspects of structure in our lives. Say your affirmations--it’s gonna be okay!

August 19th - Uranus stations Retrograde in Taurus We’re about halfway through Uranus’s trek through the sign, indicating some more pressure on any placements in the middle degrees of fixed signs. Some of the broader implications of this may be changes in the food industry and new technologies being applied to food, as well as world events relating to banks and the land.

August 22nd - Full Moon in Aquarius; Sun enters Virgo This will be our second Full Moon in Aquarius during Leo season, which is a bit of a rare occurrence. The last Full Moon (July 23rd) was conjunct Saturn, and this upcoming one will be conjunct Jupiter and trine a dignified Venus. Issues in Aquarius will come to light again, but more positively than during the lunation in July. We identified the problems in the last Full Moon, and we have the solutions during this one. Isn’t it nice to work on improving things and enjoy the results?

Immediately after the lunation, Virgo season starts: back to work! Virgo is “internally and eternally busy.”

August 20th - Mercury enters Libra He’s moving pretty fast as he enters this sign, at which point he stops rooming with Mars and starts visiting Venus instead. Our conversations with other people will be more harmonious, and this may be a good time for doing research. Mercury & Mars in Virgo was an abrasive configuration, scouring away the tarnish to get to the core of something. Now we’ve got the grace and diplomacy to proceed with what has been revealed.

#astrology #forecast #transits #august 2021 #mercury conjunct mars #full moon in aquarius

[omegalomania]

Didn't you have a theory with how colors in ybc related to all of the guys differently? Can you ever explain that more if you're in the mood? I'm such a sucker for the youngblood chronicles lol

the way colors are used in ybc is super interesting to me, yes! i talk about it a bunch in my horrible long-ass essay, but to summarize the salient points pertaining to colors specifically:

patrick is heavily associated with yellow and gold. on a broader level, patrick is often depicted in warm palettes - yellows are most common, but there are overlapping oranges and reds as well.

(“alone together” is one of the best indications of the way the color palette in ybc works, since it divides the four guys into four distinct palettes in the most concise way. it’s also fascinating because the palettes used in “alone together,” which is our first and best use of the four-way narrative that ybc favors, correspond also to the themes and character arcs each of the four defenders of the faith go through. they all die in the same color palette that is used to define them in “alone together,” under circumstances that parallel those brought up in “alone together.”)

the use of yellow is also one of the coolest things in “where did the party go” imo, since while we’re first getting introduced to the divergent perceptions of reality there, we get the blue palette of the hospital as it is at first. then when we make the shift to the version of reality that patrick sees, the one packed with zombies and disco lights, the lighting shifts to yellow - to indicate to us that we are seeing through his eyes, since his yellow-eyed evil state has been activated at this point.

this is a color that crops up frequently to denote connections to the supernatural, as well as to death. there’s an overwhelmingly negative association with the Vixens and evil at first (the yellow-eyed evil state that plagues patrick for most of the narrative, the Head Bitch’s gold fingernails, etc.), but by the narrative’s end there are a lot more positive associations with God (since a lot of heaven has gold accents). in “alone together,” patrick gets the association with a yellow, warm palette as he undergoes a loss of self in which he has no control, and he has his free will stripped of him. while he dies in “miss missing you” in black and white, we see him actually face this issue in “save rock and roll” - in a warm, yellow/red palette.

in which he asserts his agency and reclaims his sense of self, directly tying into the theme that defined him in “alone together.”

this is a pattern we’ll see reflected with the other guys as well!

pete gets a black-and-white color scheme. it’s a color that pertains to the fears and pressures circling fame and perception, with generally negative associations.

we also see this crop up when he dies, since “miss missing you” is a video shot entirely in black-and-white. and, as it happens, he dies because he has managed to attract extremely negative attention from patrick. he even takes a moment in the video to purposefully attract patrick’s murderous attention for the sake of a little girl that manages to briefly draw patrick’s ire.

while patrick dies in this color scheme as well, we see the follow-through for his theming and coloration in “alone together” done via “save rock and roll,” the following video, as i mentioned above. interestingly, pete also gets some minor associations with the color red, a color that he shares with patrick. the color red often signals danger (the alarm lighting in “alone together,” the false zombie reality in “where did the party go,” etc.), which is very fitting here.

joe gets a blue color scheme. this emphasizes the feeling of being trapped, as well as attracting attention, usually in the negative sense. it’s a parallel he shares with pete, which is fitting since they’re the two guys that get killed by patrick.

blue is the color palette in which he dies. he spends the entirety of “where did the party go” running around, fearful of patrick’s attention, in a bright blue/cyan palette. 

it’s also very interesting to me that once joe dies and goes to hell, he and patrick flip color palettes. the red color associations that were tied to patrick get ascribed to joe instead during “death valley,” while patrick spends pretty much the entirety of “death valley” in blue, joe’s color palette.

this is extremely fitting - red is the color of danger, and hell is a pretty dangerous place full of debauchery and hedonism where joe risks losing his sense of self just like how patrick does for most of the narrative. and patrick, on the other hand, spends a lot of time in “death valley” being literally trapped, as well as having to deal with the guilt of murdering joe. it’s a very very cool piece of subtle visual storytelling that i absolutely adore.

moving on though, andy gets a green color scheme. he gets some interesting overlap with patrick as well, with some yellow/orange associations. the color green is usually used to communicate the corruption or perversion of concepts that one would ordinarily call positive or safe, like the concept of “home” or “family.”

this color scheme follows him leading up to his death and in the moments in which he dies. the exterior of the warehouse where he dies is green, and inside there’s a lot of orange lighting when he gets his throat slit.

i get into it waaaaaayyy more in the essay i linked up there, but that’s the general gist of it! i think it’s SUPER fascinating and i love love LOVE the way ybc uses colors in general. there’s a lot here i didn’t touch on cause this answer is getting long and image heavy (like the use of colors in “where did the party go” is one of my FAVORITES) but like i said i talk about it a BUNCH in that big long analysis i did lol

#askin hours #anon #youngblood chronicles #this is long hopefully it won't like. break anyones dash #idgaf about holidays i wanna think about the why bee cee!!!!!

[kyogre-blue]

Naruto Shippuden, ep475-479

So this is the end of the main storyline. I have a lot of half-formed thoughts, but let me say plainly: 

I can’t believe they screwed up a very simple ending this badly. 

475:

Speaking for the entire thing, this entire section is about 3 episodes too long. It drags insanely. 

Most sections of the fight are quite dull, and the more... metaphorical parts are also bad. 

Moving on. Son Goku wanted to go back to “Suirendo.” Kokuou, to a forest. 

Naruto says it’s like Kaguya didn’t have a heart... Even though we got an entire flashback about her feelings and motivations. Even though she cried in front of him. Naruto, wtf. 

Hagoromo blames eating the chakra fruit. Again with a very stupid and selective choosing of which powers are bad and why. 

Sasuke decides to walk over to the Valley of the End for no reason except to be dramatic. They seems to have moved fairly close during the fighting. 

I shit on Hagomoro a lot, but his reasons are fairly clear and he actively changes his approach because of past experiences. I can appreciate that. 

476: 

Sasuke thinks that Itachi was a true Hokage because he tried to take on protecting the entire village and country on his own, unacknowledged by anyone. This is the opposite definition of Naruto’s, that the Hokage is the one who is acknowledged by everyone. Like almost everything about their confrontation, this is stupid as fuck. You can say that Itachi was a true shinobi, but a Hokage is a leader. You obviously need to actually... y’know.... lead people, which Itachi never did. 

Sasuke’s stated plan is incredibly vague. It’s fairly obvious that Kishimoto just randomly threw something together to excuse him and Naruto fighting. The fact that it’s STILL so bad is amazing. If you exclude the Hokage nonsense, Sasuke sounds like he wants to pull a Lelouch scheme of becoming the enemy that unifies the world against him (”bearing all hatred”). Except of course, Sasuke wants to be Hokage, which is the face of an entire village. What does he think is going to happen to the village if he’s in charge.... 

I do like how Sasuke just outright told Hagoromo what he’s going to do, and Hagoromo stuck to his guns about letting both of them have his power. It’s stupid on its own, but it makes sense in light of Indra. 

There’s this one animator (team?) who do really specific detailed hand to hand fights, and I always feel bad about finding them super boring. Clearly effort went in! And yet, they’re so disinteresting and janky looking. 

Naruto here still has the fleshy bit chakra mode, even though he’s supposed to have used up Hagoromo’s power when sealing Kaguya. He doesn’t have it at any later point though. 

The Susanoo spits out fireballs... I guess it can do giant jutsus now? 

Naruto does try to object to Sasuke’s.... “plan” by saying there’s no guarantee that whatever new system he creates won’t be just as bad. But like.... BRO, there’s no guarantee YOUR changes will do better?? He has no other concrete arguments either. 

The only thing Naruto concretely objects to is that he doesn’t want Sasuke to be alone. There are two issues with this. One, the correct follow up to this is “I’ll go with you,” not to make someone stop everything they’re doing. Twelve year old Sakura knew this. Two, Sasuke’s obsession with killing Naruto and doing this all alone makes no sense at all. It’s directly opposite what Itachi told him, and also Itachi’s issue was never letting Sasuke live. That didn’t cause him to fail in any way at all, so why does Sasuke fixate on changing that one point to make sure he has no one left? 

The answer, because Kishimoto needed to bullshit something out.

477: 

Sasuke can Amaterasu with the Rinne-Sharingan. 

You can see how much the animators ran out of steam because they start using the exact same tricks they already pulled with Kakashi v Obito, like interposing the child selves with the present ones. 

The OP ninjutsu fight is... aggressively OK, the taijutsu afterwards is the best part of the fight, the powerless whacking on each other is very dull and overdrawn. 

Kurama goes to sleep if he gives away all his chakra. 

The ghosts hands forming the Rasengan was just pretentious. It doesn’t thematically make sense either, btw. 

478: 

I forgot where the unison sign comes from and I still don’t buy into it as some big symbolic thing. 

Trying to add these deep emotions to a couple eight year olds sparring at school is not working. 

Sasuke parallels both of them being ostracized. 

Sasuke thinks Sakura and Kakashi would figure out how to shut down Infinite Tsukuyomi even if these two died. I wish they had. 

The near death experience is trippy, redundant and dull. 

Sasuke says that everyone else turned their backs on him and cut their connection at some point. I don’t remember Juugo doing that. All of Team Taka came out to the war to help Sasuke. Even Sakura was still deeply invested in her bond with him. Naruto is just the one with magic powers to fight him as an equal. 

As a kid, Sasuke felt upset at watching Naruto get scolded. 

Still the pain obsession... 

Sasuke was jealous of Naruto’s.... I’m not clear what. You would think it would be his ability to form bonds, but he connects Naruto to Itachi, which doesn’t really make sense. At most, you could say that it’s their broader view, rather than focusing on personal stuff, but that is not really at all the case, since Naruto chased him due to personal reasons. Like many things in this longass ending, it doesn’t make sense. 

They use the exact same montage about how great Naruto is as with Obito. Not only is it redundant, it doesn’t even make sense here, since it’s all about becoming Hokage. What does not having shortcuts have to do with Sasuke? 

“Punching a sulking friend to make him snap out of it” WOW

Why would Sasuke dying stop Indra’s cycle....

479: 

We get another “here is Team 7″ moment, even though Sakura and Kakashi were clearly and repeatedly shown to be irrelevant in Sasuke’s journey. 

I seriously need to look up why B is alive. 

Kakashi becoming Hokage is still dumb on multiple levels. But also, when was he “acknowledged by everyone?” He’s a good jounin, but we have no indication he’s that standout. Also, Tsunade was made a candidate and received at least some of the support due to her bloodline, so was she really acknowledged by everyone? 

They put Sasuke in a straightjacket and a blindfold. OK

Kakashi keeps covering one eye for no reason. 

Naruto is made jounin directly... after some studying. What is he studying tho??

Supposedly, Sasuke should be in prison. OK, but why? Gaara killed multiple comrades and caused all kinds of shit, but he just kept going as normal. There’s ZERO mention of Orochimaru. Is he in prison? 

Sakura is growing her hair out again? Wow. 

I’m sorry for every doubting everyone’s outrage. This ending is in fact That Bad. 

#now playing #watching naruto

[transgamerthoughts]

Guerrilla Radio

I look at Rodney Mullen and I see a kindred spirit. To hear Mullen speak is to go for a ride, the cadence of his voice rising and falling in unpredictable ways. Sometimes, he speaks at a hushed whisper. A low and pained utterance indicating a reverence and yearning that polite society eschews—if there’s one thing folks feel weird about it’s excess displays of passion. When he’s not quiet, Mullen is truly loud. His laugh is a barking chortle. Painful whisperings, awkward celebration. Mullen is a man of infectious extremes.

I play as Mullen whenever I boot up Tony Hawk Pro Skater 1+2, the recently released remaster of earlier games. There’s an option to create a customized, idealized version of myself and I could always play as the Birdman. I think they expect you to play as Tony for a long time; his toolkit is strong and stats are spread nicely. Those things matter less and less as you play. It’s easy to upgrade any character’s stats and customize their special tricks but Tony Hawk Pro Skater 1+2 hardly explains itself outside of an optional tutorial. It is a game superbly confident in the fact that the player will play every portion of it including the menus. That’s a wise impulse; Tony Hawk Pro Skater 1+2 is terrifyingly intuitive and always has been. How else could many of us fully complete it in our childhoods? Still, even though I could play as myself, I play as Mullen because I’ve never felt so magnetically pulled to an individual in my life. To hear Rodney Mullen talk about skateboarding is to hear myself attempt to talk about games criticism. There is a core of a person that we might call “Rodney Mullen” and a layer of societal artifice built around it. There is a soul and a sort of clay surrounding it. It’s easy to understand that his soul is fragile. It requires a clear and powerful nourishment. For Mullen, that’s skating. Every quiver in his voice when he talks about a trick, every pause before he mentions his domineering father expresses the singular freedom he finds on a skateboard. I immediately recognize it as the freedom I feel on a page. I see footage of an impossible flip and synthetically equate it to a good metaphor. I see freestyle groundtricks flow into each other like tributaries into a large river, and I imagine a comma-laden ramble of a sentence. I feel something ineffable. When I watch footage of Mullen or other contemporaries like Daewon Song, something falls over me like a spectral blanket. What they find through ollies, grinds, and reverts, I chase every time I write.

Before I played Tony Hawk Pro Skater 1+2, I was already watching documentaries on my favorite skaters and looking at old tapes. I’m back with my family for a time in quarantine, and my father found my old skateboard. It’s an old Geoff Rowley Flip board. I was always a clumsy person; skating was liberating but I could never have found the expression that someone like Mullen or Rowley have. But I did find it in games, and in writing. That sounds indulgent and quixotic but it’s true. I can’t explain how completely necessary writing is to me. Perhaps it would be easier to say that I’ve reached a point professionally where I never really need to write criticism again if I don’t want to. I survived the daily news grind, produced some things I liked, put up with some bullshit that I didn’t, and emerged on the other side in a new field. War’s over. Except it’s never over. I need to write.

Playing Tony Hawk, I see the process. Every level is a crash course in finding intense purpose in our surroundings. While the action of Tony Hawk occurs at a scale detached from reality, one where tricks flow into intense sequences and it’s commonplace to leap large rooftop gaps, the process of achieving a high score points towards a truth that any skateboarder can attest to: the world is different when you perceive it from atop a skateboard. Your streets become so much more than pavement. You observe what is before you with a keen eye and find a meaning and intentionality that isn’t immediately obvious.

Until Mullen debuted the flatground ollie in 1982—itself inspired by Alan Gefland’s technique for freehand aerial vert tricks—the street was less explored than parks and vertical ramps. Flat ground competitions were “freestyle” competitions full of pogo tricks and manuals. The ability to leap into the air meant there were new tricks that could be developed. Mullen pioneered further tricks like the kickflip and the impossible entirely because of the new freedom the ollie offered. But the ollie wasn’t just a foundation for new tricks; it opened up the streets to exploration. Skating could move out of the parks. This proved an essential step to keeping the sport alive.

This widening freedom constitutes the core of Tony Hawk’s gameplay. Although there are plenty of vert tricks and Hawk himself is classified in game as a vert skater, the majority of each level’s gameplay is devoted to exploration. Finding hidden video tapes, jumping over parked cars, wall-riding to destroy schoolyard bells. These objectives are about navigating real spaces albeit ones that are somewhat exaggerated. It is contingent on the player to observe the world through the eyes of a skater. Tony Hawk doesn’t capture the realistic mechanics of skating but it does capture the creative sentiment. In order to complete objectives and also achieve high scores, they need to think like a skater.

To hear Mullen talk about developing tricks and the ways in which skating expanded in the 80s, you’d think little revolutionary was happening. For Mullen, tricks were about expression. These various flips and techniques weren’t about pushing the boundaries of skating. They were, first and foremost, the ways in which a shy kid from a strict Gainesville home expressed himself to the world. They were about asserting his value as an individual and expressing the ineffable parts of himself that he could not express any other way. That individual desire fed into a larger ecosystem where his tricks could be adapted and integrated into an ever-evolving language. The personal became conversational. The conversational became foundational. 

I think about these processes and apply them to my own field, although I wonder if I can even call criticism my home anymore. I didn’t write about games because I thought there could be a career in it. I didn’t write about games because I saw starting my blog as a pathway to outlets or studios. I wrote and still write because it is the only way I have as a still-lonely kid from New Hampshire to express something fundamental about myself. I write because it is the only way I’ve ever felt like I’ve been heard. Let me be clear: this is the comparison I’ll make between myself and Mullen. I’m not implying that I’ve done anything so important as he has. When I see Mullen, I see someone who can’t stop. Because stopping means moving back into a silent space. 

That space is painful. I do not make friends easily and struggle to keep them. I am awkward and have, in my life, only found a handful of people who I believe have ever seen the person I truly am. Writing, then, is a way to shed layers and layers of confusion and performance in favor of something authentic.

When I navigate a Tony Hawk level or watch a tape of my favorite skaters, I see the writing process spread before me. To engage in criticism is to find yourself in a new space every time you play a game. There are a variety of potential objectives and angles that you can seek out and achieve. In order to do those in a sensible fashion, you need to explore and familiarize yourself with the space and then perceive the spaces where you can move, combo-like, from one point to another. In-between, you add flourishes and tricks that express something not only about the space you are in but the person you are. Done well, you show that the metaphorical school-yard is far more than a school-yard. It is a playground, it is a battlefield, it is an unexplored land fit for mapping. A writer, like a skater, perceives certain spaces differently. A Metal Gear military installation becomes a metaphor for self-delusion. The world of Dark Souls, whether in the meanderings of the first entry or the broken spaces of the second, expresses something fundamental about the nature of memory. The violence of The Last of Us Part II (and who chiefly suffers in that world) speaks to the biases of the writers.

There’s a catch though. A difference between what Mullen is talking about and the current reality of games criticism. Where Mullen speaks of his individual expression flowing into a communal effort where skaters are engaged in a wider conversation, games criticism has rarely felt so cohesive. It is a balkanized space where writers are often separated from each other. Mainstream writers hardly read the important fringe spaces, academics ignore anyone without their pedigree. There is a lack of institutional or history knowledge because there’s no real tradition of mentorship or places where that history is documented satisfactorily. In journalistic spaces, writers burn out in the face of institutional failures that have led to shoddy reportage and a lack of protection against a reactionary games culture. There is also no pathway for fresh faces to slot into the leadership spaces that could actually address structural issues. Critically, while there’s hundreds of YouTubers and other content creators bringing criticism to the masses, there’s few times where critical terms or concepts carry over into the broader culture. We do not have the same degree of literacy amongst players as, say, films do among film-goers. This is not to say these things are completely absent. I’ve seen moments where the isolated spaces of games writing interact. When academic writers like Frank Lantz and Ian Bogost wrote about narrative in 2015, a cadre of alt-space writers directly engaged with their work in a debate that helped to solidify understandings of ludology and narratology even further that what had been expressed by writers like Gonzolo Frasca. Writers like Stephen Beirne and Durante Pierpaoli coined the terms ludo-fundamentalism and ludo-centrism to better codify schools of thought that dismissed holistic criticism in favor of games systems analysis. Yet, this is not something widely remembered either by academics or players. And while it’s tempting to self-critique and say that I’m overplaying the importance of that moment because of my proximity to it, I think it’s illustrative of the critical sphere’s major failures. 

Conversations come and go in flashes, very little is integrated into the whole, and we largely forget everything that’s come before in favor of repetitious debates and torturous re-litigations. Beyond this, there’s very little discussion between writers. There’s less letter series and response pieces and very little sense that any real conversations are taking place. Writing might be the realm of individual expression that that expression hardly feeds into a larger pool where concepts can be iterated on. This is, more than anything else, the biggest failure of games writing.  I have found deep personal expression in my writing and yes, there is a community. But what about our processes are communal? Perhaps nothing at all.

In addition to Tony Hawk, my current gameplay indulgence is Pathologic. The two could not be more different. One is accommodating and celebratory. It gives the player ample ability to navigate a level and express themselves. The other is oppressive and continually stymies all attempts at progress. Yet, as I play Pathologic I pause. My character, the surgeon Artemy Burakh is approached by the Kin, the tribesmen and women who occupy the steppe outside his home-town. Artemy is a “menkhu,” a group of surgeons and steppe-folk who perform vivisections. They are architects of the flesh. It is said that they are “Those Who Know The Lines.” 

I load up Tony Hawk and play a competition map at a skate-park in Chicago. In order to succeed and get the gold medal, I also search for the lines. I’ve always been searching. With every game, with every word I search for the lines. Mullen needs to skate.  Artemy needs to heal the sick. I need to write. 

#tony hawk #tony hawk's pro skater #pathologic

[nicollekidman]

abby can you talk on how deancas and tenrose are the same?

okay so i need to preface this with the usual…. cannot believe i am enlightened enough to be seriously discussing this in the year 2020, but i’m happy for my teen self. also there is about to be a lot of unhinged earnestness to follow, so if you’re easily succebtable to cringe… don’t read on. ALSO RIP I WROTE 1800 WORDS about just the most general and nonspecific concepts…… brb k wording myself 

first off i think it’s so funny that i just went back and looked and i typed cas/ten as a one and dean/rose as a six completely independently so… that’s where my head is at. 

i think the meat of the issue is the way that tenrose and deancas function both in relation to the overall narrative and each other. there are many differences of course, but at the end of the day, both relationships are positioned as the ultimate working example of what their shows are trying to be About. 

i could write an entirely separate essay on the intersections between cas and the doctor, but essentially…… these are figures introduced to the audience as Beyond Human Understanding. they exist as celestial beings unconstrained by the rules of space and time, more closely connected to god than humanity. we meet the doctor farther along in his journey than castiel, but both of their character arcs are rooted in a Godlike Creature observing humanity and becoming enamored with it/driven to protect and care for it. by the time the doctor meets rose, it is well established that he has a soft spot for humanity, she’s not the one who teaches him that. but she is the one he reaches out to and leans on for support and healing post-time war, and she is the one who influences ten’s regeneration so deeply that he is made in her image/for her. castiel rebuilds dean atom by atom is hell, and upon rescuing him from the pit, finds himself similarly irrevocably altered. it is revealed to us that castiel also has had a long affection for humanity, but nothing swayed him from his ultimate duty before he met dean. and just as the doctor finds himself with a family for the first time after gallifrey with rose and her mother on the estate, castiel finds himself cut off from his family/realm, but with a new family, team free will. they lose everything, their attachment to the heavens, and find a new family and a new reason to continue, in these humans. 

dean and rose also are the ultimate Human Credentials. we all know this term to be indicative of someone who confers humanity onto the other, someone who, by mere accompaniment, allows their beloved to more safely/easily navigate life. and it’s true in this sense. rose is constantly reminding ten how to Be Human (”am i being rude?”) in both big and small ways, just as dean more or less badgers castiel in the same way ( “dude. we talked about this”). neither cas nor ten would be as intimately connected with their “human sides” with their partners. but dean and rose are also Human Credentials in a broader sense, in that….. they act as character references for the rest of humanity, and by virtue of their own selves/their partner’s attachment to them, guarantee investment in the rest of the human race. castiel is more-or-less content to watch from heaven and take orders until he rescues dean and becomes involved with his life (”the moment castiel laid a hand on you in hell he was lost”). his love and affection for dean and his willingness to bend everything to keep him safe means that castiel learns to defy heaven for the good of humanity. ten has always loved humans, but he loves rose a little differently. The Doctor Needs Someone, and we see rose’s power as his human credential most strongly when she’s gone. Without rose, ten is more willing to put himself/others in danger, to make choices that will result in death, to be callous and reckless and thoughtless. rose’s presence is a constant reminder that humanity is Worth the Trouble, that he’s never met anyone who wasn’t important. 

for rose and dean…. these are two, completely Normal, Average People. or so they think anyways. the burdens they carry and their inner lives are very different, but in very simple ways, they both would’ve continued their lives believing there was nothing special about them, getting up to Do Their Duty, never asking for anything special. both view themselves are caretakers, although this manifests differently bc rose is a bratty 19 year old and dean never got the opportunity to be a teenager. but both Feel Deeply in ways/levels that others don’t. each has an extremely open heart and a need to protect/provide for the little people. what ten and cas give them is an entirely new perspective, whereupon it starts to be possible to believe that even the smallest person can affect the world for better, and that they, specifically Deserve More. 

THEN we have the ideas of religion/free will/fate that intertwine both shows. rtd’s doctor who was explicitly and obviously written with the intent to show an atheist universe where the human spirit and mind are enough on their own to be holy, to determine right and wrong, and to decide the events of the universe. obviously ten is often situated in christ-like positions, but he learns from humanity as much as they teach him. supernatural is a little more complicated, with an alternate vision of accepted figures of christianity, but both shows heavily emphasize the power of human kindness, passion, empathy, and individual choice. ten may not live within the confines of space and time, but apocalypses in doctor who often hinge on one small person doing The Next Right Thing, just as supernatural’s base credo is We’re Writing a New Chapter. castiel bursts onto the scene and is literally taught the importance of free will by dean, and perhaps even the importance of his own desires/needs by dean. both core relationships exemplify what it means to make choices outside the realm of fate (even whilst allowing for the existence of soulmates). yes, castiel was ordered to raise dean from perdition, but their human connection is what allows the winchesters to subvert God and move outside the printed narrative - love for a human is what makes an angel CHOOSE to fall from heaven. and ten…. well ten knows that rose is going to die. ten understands from the moment he allows himself to care for her above all others, that he is dooming himself to pain and regret and loss. but he decides to do it anyways, because isn’t the best thing an otherwordly being in love with humanity can do is to eperience love and loss on a human level? both cas and ten understand that there is no love without pain, that they will be the ones to watch their beloveds leave them, but that the Choice to love out of free will is worth it. 

there’s also the element of Expression/Repression. here is where the underlying emotion remains similar but the freedom of how exactly to illustrate these feelings could not be more different. tenrose is a heterosexual relationship at the end of the day, and their storylines require them to be alone in each other’s presence nearly 100% of the time. thus, we get LOTS of familiar touching, lots of body language and casual intimacy and teasing. dean and cas…. lol. not so much. instead of physicality, we get looks, both because of dean’s own upbringing/sexuality and because they exist on the show that they do. deancas deals in the unspoken - the acts of service, the grace healings, the tense moments of battle, the lack of personal space. the expression is different, but the emotion is the same. ten and dean hold themselves back from the more Obvious open-book partners, for their own personal reasons. the end effect being that everyone on screen understands/insinuates what’s happening, and their relationship is so thick with subtext its a wonder no one suffocates. Words are seen as the ultimate step, once which cannot be overcome in normal life. both pairs use death/separation as the final step towards full transparency, but even then we are never granted the ultimate catharsis of an I Love You. castiel couches his confessions in generalizations towards groups, and dean swallows his truth even in prayer. rose says the words through a veil of uncrossable distance, but she doesn’t get to hear them back. they can Know, and we can Understand, but we cannot hear it. 

lastly (for now)…. and perhaps as an ultimate summation…….. death and parallel universes and fate cannot stop them, those who are drawn to each other through heaven and hell, through time and realities. it is to be understood that will all four individuals fight to ensure that each human being is safe, protected, and able to make their own choices they are soulmates. they are soulmates who are bound to each other to be sure, but they’re not Fated in a way that takes away their free will. they’re fated by the series of choices they make, over and over again, to prioritize each other, to traverse time and space and dimension and hell to get back to one another. god cannot see castiel in his plans for the world, and yet castiel has evaded death again and again, to give dean a win. nothing could tear rose away from her doctor, and even while trapped in another dimmension, she hears his voice, she runs to him, and she finds a way to get back to him. each and every choice they make brings them back to one another, regardless of the ultimate ending. we don’t know yet if we will ever hear castiel and dean get their doomsday moment, but we do know that in order for castiel to leave dean’s side, an entirely new dimmension (the empty) will have to be in play to keep them apart. 

ultimately, castiel and ten are both celestial beings with self-worth issues but a burning and true desire to see humanity thrive, directly and indirectly because of their attachment to dean and rose. dean and rose make castiel and ten more human, all while exemplifying why human is a good thing to be. dean and rose become more themselves under cas and ten’s influence, both are given more opportunity to bloom into who they are meant to be. all four become More in the presence of each other, and save the world while doing it. ultimately there is a heavy dose of tragedy in both - whether or not dean and cas get their moment is yet to be seen, but these are still Soulmates with differing relationships to mortality. but is there anything sweeter than defying god’s and fate and our own doubts to grab love with both hands, even when we know there will be pain? 

#JESUS MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST #the way i could write an additional 2k words on any one of these sections/elements #anyways happy high holy day #deancas #tenrose #dw #spn #meta #Anonymous #LMAOOOOOO

[lightanddarklove]

SU: Future - The Best Mother and Doctor I can be Ch 1

First thing to note, I don't think Dr. Maheswaran let Greg leave the hospital without giving Greg a stern talking to about not having insurance or healthcare for Steven, which led to talking about Greg's situation as a new parent, and his parents. So that comes up when they talk.

Secondly, to make things easier, Greg had previously used some of the money he got after purchasing the Dondai to get Steven's citizenship in order. With that kind of money, you can make citizen issues disappear, which allows for Steven to have a legal license as of Steven Universe The Movie. The reason Steven's medical history has no social security number is Steven had no reason to know it. Greg got all of the DMV paperwork taken care of for him, and since Steven has never had a normal job, he has no paperwork he has to fill it out which would require it. So its simply a lack of knowledge on Steven's part. This is just to make the idea of Greg getting Steven insured less complicated. Feel free to use this HC if you like but if you wanna send me a recommendation from your readers, I'd super appreciate it.

Thirdly, I am no medical professional so Steven’s diagnosis is not to be treated as 100% accurate, he is going to be diagnosed by experts and Priyanka is the first step to getting him what he needs. The diagnoses are based on other people’s meta and what was discussed in the show.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

Content Warnings: Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, Imposter Syndrome, Self-Esteem Issues, Car Accident, Childhood Neglect, Childhood Trauma, Sleep Issues, Canon-Typical Violence Discussions

Dr. Maheswaran would consider Greg Universe a friend. Before the whole truth of what happened to Steven came to light, she had considered him a good parent. At this point, she is fuming; Steven has a gaggle of family and not one of them saw fit to take care of him the way in he needed. She is stepping in to give this boy a fighting chance of some normalcy.

Priyanka centric. Angst with eventual comfort.

It had been 6 days since Dr. Maheswaran had seen Steven Universe in the hospital. It was surprising to not have heard anything from Greg or the Gems, especially since the doctor had given Greg an earful regarding Steven’s healthcare, but Connie texted her mother that day with cause for concern.

I’m going over to his house. I finally talked to him and I think there’s something wrong. I don’t think he’s being honest with me, her text read.

Not being honest with her? I don’t like the sound of that, the doctor thought. She was lucky she had a break in her shift when the text came in and she replied right away.

What do you mean? Dr. Maheswaran replied. Please keep me posted, and no going out into space overnight without coming home first.

Ok mom, Connie’s response read. I just mean he was being dodgy when I asked him some things. I’m worried and I’m going to get to the bottom of it.

Dr. Maheswaran stared at her daughter’s reply, frowning. That’s incredibly vague, she thought. Either he’s seeing other people after proposing to Connie, or my diagnosis needs a follow-up immediately. She put those thoughts aside before continuing her shift, but her concern lingered, listening out for any pages over the hospital’s loudspeaker that mentioned the name Universe.

Once the workday was over, Dr. Maheswaran checked her phone again. Connie’s reply came in about an hour before, reading: I’m staying over. He’s had a really rough day. Dr. Maheswaran was astonished at her daughter’s bold reply. All the gems and his dad are here. You don’t have to worry about anything happening.

What in the world is going on? The doctor thought. She’s not asking permission; she’s assuming that this is ok to disregard the rules because of extenuating circumstances, and she isn’t telling me why. How can she expect me to just say yes? Dr. Maheswaran furrowed her brow as she walked to her car and unlocked the door. Before immediately jumping to conclusions, she decided to check her other messages to ensure that the Gems or Greg didn’t send over any more pertinent details that would make this at all less disconcerting. Her texts read mostly normally: an invite to a dinner party next week, a reminder for a seminar that she had signed up for, political spam message, and a text from Doug, that started Honey, don’t get too worked up...

Oh yes Doug, perfect way to make me worry less, she thought sarcastically. She opened the text, frowning as she sat in the driver’s seat.

Honey, don’t get too worked up but Connie asked if she could stay over Steven’s house tonight, and I said ok. Now I know you’re worried since they’re teenagers, but she assured me that she wouldn’t be alone with him for any extended period of time since all the gems are there and apparently they’re nervous to let him out of their sight. Something gem related happened and although I didn’t get all the details it took a toll on him. The message continued in a second text. Greg said Steven was exhausted. I wouldn’t trust it if Greg hadn’t assured me there would be no funny business and Connie would be sleeping on the couch. She already has a plan for which of her classmates would bring her notes and assignments after school tomorrow and she’s stopping by the house to pick up her books as soon as Steven’s asleep. See you when you get home, Priya.

Priyanka looked over both texts a second time, making sure she wasn’t missing something. It seemed like the orderly structure as parents she and Doug had planned for was being shelved for some still unknown reason. Connie, don’t you see this is a big ask, she thought, and Doug, how can you just roll over on this? What is going on? She closed her messages and opened her contacts. She selected Connie from her favorites and brought the phone to her ear. Dr. Maheswaran anxiously tapped on the steering wheel as the phone rang, looking around the parking lot to ensure she was not being watched. She let out an agitated huff as the call went to voicemail. She glared at the phone as she brought the receiver from her ear and hung up.

We need to talk about this young lady. Dr. Maheswaran texted. Pick up your phone. Connie’s reply was nearly immediate, which only annoyed her mother further.

I’m still in the room with him and he’s trying to sleep.

I want more details, Connie. The doctor answered. What happened? I know your father said it was gem related, but I am not satisfied with that answer. Was it the swelling? Was there an attack from a rogue gem?

It’s complicated. Connie replied. The typing indicator went on for a moment and Dr. Maheswaran waited. It’s related to the swelling, he had another bout of that but it was more extreme than that. He’s been keeping things from the gems, they didn’t know he went to the hospital, and apparently a lot happened in the past few days. We’ve all been comparing notes, trying to figure this out, but I don’t know how much he wants me to say. He didn’t want to ask for help when he needed to and he was trying to avoid making anybody worry because he felt bad about it. Dr. Maheswaran stared at the screen for a moment, trying to read between the lines and finding herself frustrated at the lack of detail in what Connie said.

What do you mean, more extreme than the swelling? Dr. Maheswaran asked. She waited two minutes with no reply, fiddling with the radio and drumming on the wheel impatiently. Connie, answer me or I’m calling Greg. Frustratingly, that still didn’t get an answer from her daughter. After another two minutes ticked by, with no indication Connie was typing, Dr. Maheswaran closed her messages and opened her contacts. She called Greg, as she had promised, shutting the car off as it rang. After three rings Greg picked up.

“Dr. Maheswaran, hi.” He answered, his voice tight but trying to sound pleasant. “How are you?”

“Greg, I’m not calling to exchange pleasantries.” She replied bitterly. “Connie won’t answer her phone. I know she’s there. I know something gem related happened to Steven and she said it was ‘more extreme’ than the swelling.” Her voice began to raise in volume as she spoke. “She wouldn’t tell me anything else. I know that whatever happened is the reason she’s staying over. What I want to know is exactly why. Now are you going to give me details or am I going to have to come there myself to get answers?”

Greg was stunned for a moment but he sighed before responding. “It’s a lot of things, Priyanka. A lot happened since the hospital. Are you… are you sitting down? Cause this might take a while.”

“Yes.” She answered sternly. “Firstly, was Connie hurt?”

“No,” he replied quickly. “I can’t say this whole thing was easy on any of us, but she didn’t come to any harm.”

“Good. And Steven?” her voice softened slightly, in the back of her mind she suspected the answer.

“Physically, he’s ok now. But he got hurt before. And this is going to be a lot to deal with.” Greg answered. He paused before continuing. “When he was discussing his trauma with you, did he mention anything about his shapeshifting powers?”

“Yes,” she replied, “he said ‘I almost turned so old I died’ and ‘I lost control of my body and turned into a blob of cats’… does that have anything to do with swelling? Or what happened today?”

“Yes,” he replied shakily, “at least we think so.” A beat of silence passed between both parents. “He had another bout of swelling when I came over earlier today, but this one was more… uniform. He looked like he grew into his early twenties. He was broader than I’ve ever seen him, more muscular, and taller than Garnet. We were trying to get him to tell us what was going on with him, we kinda had to corner him to get him to talk-“

“Greg!” she bit back. “What were you thinking? Cornering a child with trauma often leads to panic, or lashing out.” Greg didn’t answer immediately. She paused, voice quieting. “What happened?”

“He was frustrated.” Greg answered. “He snapped at us; he started talking about all of the things that happened since the hospital and how he could make mistakes and fix them. How we didn’t have to know about any of it.” He paused again. “He called himself a fraud and a monster and that’s when his powers started to react. He grew spines out of his back and started looking and acting like a corrupted gem.” He swallowed before continuing. “He was huge, bigger than the hillside the temple is on. I’m sure anyone who was in town saw him. It took a while to reach him, but thanks to Connie we all got through to him. She helped us all pull our collective heads out of our a- rears,” he corrected before stopping.

“Greg,” Dr. Maheswaran started, “it sounds like he’s struggling with his trauma more than he’s let on before. You all need to step up and give him support and professional help. He can’t be left to deal with this on his own. I’m sure this incident is weighing on him from what little Connie told me.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m ready to take whatever steps we need to, to help him through this.”

“But Connie can’t be his primary support here, you are his caregivers and she needs to take care of herself, her studies, her future aspirations.”

“I don’t think it’s just that Steven wants her here. I think she’s not ready to leave yet either. If you came here to pick her up right now I’m pretty sure she’d fight you on it.”

“I’ve been texting her and she is pretty insistent that she’s staying tonight.” Dr. Maheswaran agreed. “My daughter has a mile-wide stubborn streak. Even if I forced her to come home, she’d probably sneak out. I’ve caught her doing it twice before this, and Doug has caught her trying to sneak back into her room three times.”

Greg chuckled, “Ah, well, I definitely did that when I was her age, and for less noble reasons. I wasn’t saving the world.”

“Four out of the five times it was just to see Steven.”

“Considering everything that’s come to light, he’s been going through a lot. I’m glad that they’re always there for each other.”

“Your choice of words is interesting, considering what Connie told me about what happened before the hospital.”

“Oh,” Greg answered nervously, voice cracking. “We probably need to address the whole proposing thing at some point, huh?”

“Connie said that she told him ‘Not now, Steven.’ That’s not a no. So yes, I will want that to be addressed in the future if our children are planning on getting married. However, that isn’t a pressing issue right now.”

“Ok,” Greg replied. “So what are our next steps, Doctor?”

“Firstly, have you gotten him into the insurance system like I suggested last week?”

“Yes, he’ll have coverage starting tomorrow.”

“Good. The next steps are him seeing a specialist for his mental health. I’ll be coming tomorrow to give him a follow-up assessment and to pick up Connie. I have a feeling if you tried to bring him to me he’d at the very least be hesitant.”

“Yeah. We’re going to do whatever he needs. He’s exhausted right now, but tomorrow sounds good. I hope this hasn’t put you out, Priyanka. This is a big help.” The doctor smiled.

“I’m here for my patients. Unless I’m unable, I’m going to do what I can to get them the help they need.”

“Thank you,” Greg replied, his voice warm with gratitude. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, Greg.” Dr. Maheswaran hung up, and started her car to make her way back home.

The following afternoon Priyanka finished her shift and drove down to costal Beach City to visit the Universe family. The weather was pleasant, warm and partly cloudy as she followed the winding streets with her window half-down. She noticed the town itself didn’t seem to have any damage, whatever destruction Steven’s corruption caused had left Little Homeworld and Beach City proper unmarred. Once she pulled up to the house, however, she could see construction was in the process on Steven’s front door and siding.

She parked next to Greg’s van, shutting the car off. Once she got out of her car she saw Garnet and Greg sitting by the outdoor furniture on the porch. Garnet waved the doctor over as she came up the porch stairs. Seeing Garnet waving caught the attention of Amethyst and Pearl, who quickly made their way outside.

“Have a seat,” Greg said, his voice tired but friendly.

“Who’s with Steven right now?” Dr. Maheswaran asked.

“Connie, Bismuth and Lion.” Pearl answered, her air somewhat strained. “Lapis and Peridot are on a supply run. They’ll be back soon.”

Dr. Maheswaran sat and folded her hands in her lap. Garnet leaned on the porch railing, one hand hanging relaxed by her hip and the other supporting her on the banister. Amethyst hopped up on the railing to sit next to the fusion. Greg sat on the lawn chair opposite the doctor. Pearl was the only one of the five remaining standing, standing a few feet from the table with her fingers interlaced in front of her.

“How has Steven been today?” Dr. Maheswaran asked.

“Low energy,” Garnet answered quietly. “He woke up after eleven, which is very unusual for him.”

“How is his appetite?” The doctor continued.

“He’s had two meals today,” Pearl replied, “Brunch was Eggs, fake bacon, and a quarter of a cantaloupe. Late lunch was veggie soup. He hasn’t wanted anything else. He came down for brunch, but he asked us to bring the soup upstairs.”

“He apologized for it too,” Amethyst interjected, her tone unusually glum. “Connie’s been trying to get him to see that he doesn’t have to apologize for needing help, but it’s slow going.”

“Did he finish both of his meals?” Dr. Maheswaran probed.

“Yeah,” Amethyst answered. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“It’s important that he keeps his strength up.” The doctor replied. “What happened yesterday may have taken a toll on his mind, and very likely his body. It’s possible that kind of extreme strain will affect not only his appetite, but his mood and sleep patterns as well. He should be under observation for at least a few days, and any significant changes should be brought to his doctors’ attention.”

“What other doctors is he going to need to see?” Pearl asked gently.

“That’s partially why I’m here to assess him.” Dr. Maheswaran answered. “Based on my previous appointment he likely should see a child trauma specialist, but he may need someone who deals in other specialties as well. There’s a considerable department in the hospital I work at that may be the right fit in this case, however, there are other facilities all over the state if ours isn’t what he needs.”

“Would the hospital only treat him as an inpatient?” Greg prodded nervously. “Or would he be able to get treatment on an outpatient basis?”

“I believe its inpatient only,” she replied, one of her hands going to rub at her chin, before resting back in her lap. “Are you concerned about him having an overnight stay or that he may be uncomfortable spending time away from his support system?”

“Well, the second one would be true for any inpatient support,” Greg answered solemnly, “but for your hospital specifically, I think he would be especially uncomfortable considering his swell-up was there. I don’t want to put him in a position to have the experience be more anxiety inducing.”

“Ah, I understand.” The doctor regarded him sympathetically. “I’ll find a facility that does both in and outpatient treatment. They only would admit him as inpatient if they truly think he needs it, and any paperwork I forward will have noted he should be considered for outpatient preferably.”

“We want what’s best for Steven; however this needs to be handled, we will offer our support.” Garnet affirmed, her tone notably somber. The gems nodded.

“Can you tell me more about yesterday’s incident? And are you using any specific terms to refer to it?” Dr. Maheswaran asked.

“Ronaldo’s been calling it ‘Pink-zilla’ on his blog, according to Connie.” Amethyst answered, folding one of her arms across her chest. “Though no one but us knows it was Steven, well us and the Diamonds and Spinel.” The purple gem jerked her thumb over her shoulder to where the Diamond’s ship rested a distance away on the beach.

“We told Ronaldo not to release any more information regarding yesterday’s attack,” Pearl added, “and that we will have a statement be released through the mayor’s office no later than tomorrow. If Steven’s feeling up to it tonight, we were going to discuss how he wants to handle telling the town what happened. This isn’t something that the public needs all the details on, and if he wants it to stay private we will enforce that.” She paused closing her eyes. “Regarding your first question, I think it would be easier to show you the moments before ‘Pink-zilla,’” her tone slightly disparaging on the mocking name of the incident. Pearl’s gem glowed and began to show a hologram of Steven, Greg and Connie.

‘We are worried!’ Connie’s holo-double said, voice wavering.

‘Steven, you know you can tell us anything.’ Holo-Greg pleaded.

Frowning, holo-double Steven’s enlarged form snarled,‘It's not that easy. You know what? I don't have to deal with this.’ Holo-Pearl, Holo-Amethyst and Holo-Garnet moved into view, preventing him from leaving.

Priyanka tried to keep her face neutral as the group surrounded Steven in the hologram played on but she felt her stomach ache with discomfort.

'Hold up, dude.' Holo-Amethyst said.

'Steven! You have to stop running.' Holo-Garnet implored.

'Please,' urges Holo-Greg.

Holo-Steven froze with a shudder and the irregular swelling returned on his face.

'Steven, we should get you back to the hospital.' Holo-Connie warned.

'HOSPITAL?!' Holo-Pearl and Holo-Amethyst shouted together.

Holo-Pearl continued, 'When were you in the hospital?!'

'You didn't tell them?' Connie's holo-double reprimanded.

Priyanka’s stomach gave another uncomfortable turn and she swallowed. This scene became increasingly more worrisome as it continued but she fought to keep it out of her expression.

Holo-Steven's form distorted more and he groaned. As the swelling balanced out with a few unsteady breaths he replied, voice strained, 'it wasn't that important, you guys.’ His voice began to sound more confident, face showing a pained smile, ‘You're making a big deal out of nothing. Have I done some things wrong? Sure! I trashed the house today. I broke an anvil. What teenager hasn't?  Dad and I had a little disagreement. That's practically a rite of passage!'

The holo-versions of the gem trio and Connie turned their attention to holo-Greg and he shruged with an unnerved grimace. Holo-Steven seems not to notice this as he continues, ' I mean, it would be weird if we didn't, right? And maybe, I've had a not-so-nice thought or two about, like, you know, slamming White Diamond's head through a pillar ,’ he makes a gesture of doing that with his own face, ‘but it's not like I actually went through with it! I only actually shattered Jasper!'

Holo-Connie, Holo-Greg, Holo-Pearl, and Holo-Garnet all gasped, whole Holo-Amethyst shrieked 'WHAT?!'

Nervously, Holo-Connie stuttered, 'you're- you're joking, right?

'Oh, don’t worry,’ Steven’s holo-double replied, ‘I fixed that too! I can fix anything! I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever, and you'll never have to know or think about any of it!’

‘Steven,’ Holo-Garnet called, voice desperate.

Holo-Steven’s expression turned to a hollow frown and let out a shuddering breath before continuing. ‘How messed up is that? That I've gotten away with this for so long. You have no idea how bad I am.’ Holo-Pearl raised a fist to her mouth. Holo-Connie and Holo-Greg’s expressions were stunned speechless. Holo-Amethyst and Holo-Garnet both grimace, guilt plastered on all of the gems’ features. Holo-Steven’s frown turned to a withering scowl. ‘You-you think I'm so great, and I'm so mature, and I always know what to do, but that's not true! I haven't learned a thing from my problems! They've all just made me worse! You think of me as some angel, but, I'm not that kid anymore!’

He paused, voice dropped to a despondent degree. ‘I’m a fraud.’

Priyanka felt her hands shudder in her lap as she fisted the cloth of her pants. She cannot tear her gaze away from the boy she has come to know have his insecurities laid bare for his family to see. It made her heart ache that he felt this way about himself.

Holo-Steven’s knees gave out, collapsing to hands and knees in the center of his family. He sobbed, inhaling deeply before repeating, ‘I’m a fraud!’ Palms push from the ground as he set his elbows beneath him and hands tangled into his curls.

Priyanka’s lip quivered and she can’t force herself to care that she isn’t able to be objective anymore. Why are they saying nothing? Why aren’t they doing anything? How could you all let this happen! He was hurting, and all of you stood back and watched!

‘I’m a monster!’ he shouted as his body trembles violently. Painful looking spines burst forward from the holo-double of the boy, shooting upward as the group stepped back. The spines stretched out forty-feet, laying behind him as his hands shifted to claws and the rest of his form began to distort. Muscles swelled, arms became elongated and his mouth distorted to accommodate sharp teeth and tusks with a horrified inhuman screech. His curls vanished, and in their place a row of five horns broke through skin, which began to look hard and scaly. His features resemble a bipedal lizard with massive arms that appeared gorilla-like as they supported most of his weight.

‘STEVEN!’ the group shouted as he continued to grow, neck elongating and he shot forward, loping over the group that blocked the front door and crashing through the front of the house, bellowing loudly.

Priyanka shut her eyes, and said, “that’s enough.” The holo-vision disappears and the group looked to her with concern. She opened her eyes and met Pearl’s gaze first, followed by Greg’s. “I know that this is an extreme situation, and you all probably are going to need some time to process this, but he’s the one that went through that. You have to step up and put him first.” She paused and let that command settle. “If any of you can’t do that, you have to let others step in. For his health and safety, you must prioritize his needs.” She paused again, looking around and getting a nod of confirmation from the Gems and Greg. “Children and teenagers who go through significant trauma without proper treatment often turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as avoidant behavior, which seems to me what he’s been doing up until now, but also lashing out, self-harm, substance abuse, other addictive behaviors…” she trailed off as she sees Greg curl his fist and his face shift with discomfort.

It’s probable he’s had some experience with one or more of those, Priyanka thought and her expression softens. “I would like to discuss more some of the things he said and family history which would be helpful in finding the best treatment options, but I’m going to step away for a moment.” She stood, and walked toward the stairs and back to her car. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She called as she steps onto the sand. She managed a deep breath as she sat down in her car and closed the door. She fought the urge to scream.

I can’t understand how these people could let it get so bad, she thought as she leaned her elbows forward on the top of her steering wheel, resting her head in her hands. And Connie is now in the middle of this. I have to figure out how to tackle this. They all love him, they want what’s best for him, but they are so utterly helpless at this point. He deserves better- stop it, you know that line of thinking isn’t constructive. He needs guidance, structure, and if they can’t give it to him I will have to have him admitted until they can get their act together. She let out a shuttering sigh.

His symptoms are presenting in worrying ways. Imposter Syndrome is very likely, clear self-loathing, intrusive thoughts of violence, what else has been keeping in? I have to make some calls when I’m done here, he should be seen by specialists tomorrow if possible. The University of Delmarva is two and a half hours away but may be the best fit. Perhaps someone at work has a connection with East Shore Trauma Center, that’s only a little over an hour away if I can get my foot in the door. I have to make sure he’s getting the care he needs. Someone has to stop this spiraling. She took a few more centering breaths to calm herself and opened her car door to return to the group.

She saw Lapis along with two water clones soaring in onto the porch, arms laden with construction material as they landed. Peridot was not far behind, floating in on metal supports bound with wire and touched down on the beach before jogging up the stairs. Once Lapis set down her load of siding, Peridot extended her hands. As Dr. Maheswaran approached, she could see the lithe blue gem shrug several reusable grocery bags from her shoulder and hand them off to her smaller companion as the pair talked with Steven’s family. After a moment, Peridot nodded at the doctor and carried the groceries inside. With a wave, Lapis walked around to the back of the house and out of sight.

Pearl was the first of the group to turn her attention back to Dr. Maheswaran. “You said you had more questions for us, right?”

“Yes,” the doctor answered, and all eyes turned back to her as she took her seat. “Firstly, what did he mean when he said, ‘I trashed the house today’?”

“His voice,” Pearl answered quietly. “When he has been getting too emotional and isn’t controlling his voice, it can cause damage. It cracked the glass door in his room. That was one of the first things we fixed while he had his meal downstairs. So he wouldn’t have to look at it.” She paused. “It happened a few times before, too. His mother also had the same power, she used it before she came to earth.”

Greg interjected sadly, “That’s why she spoke so softly all the time. She probably was afraid of raising her voice.” Priyanka nodded.

“So before the meltdown, his damage to the house was accidental?”

“Yeah,” Amethyst answered. “Wait, meltdown?”

“His argument with you before he changed.” Dr. Maheswaran replied. “If he isn’t comfortable calling this incident Pink-zilla, that’s the best human way to describe what happened. It may make him feel more comfortable talking about it as I can imagine having it relate to a human problem may make it more bearable to tackle. Now, what about him and Greg having a disagreement? How recent was it?” She focused her gaze on Steven’s father.

The man clenched his jaw before answering, voice worn and gravely. “Two days after the hospital, I took him to my childhood home in West Keystone. He saw pictures and mementos from me growing up. I went there to get an old music CD and to tell him about how I really found myself through music. But when we were talking about it, he was angry, angry that he never knew his grandparents or had normalcy.” The man rubbed his arm with discomfort. “I said that he had it better off not living life feeling imprisoned, having freedom but I realize now that was definitely the wrong thing to say.” Priyanka regarded him incredulously. “He said ‘you’re just like mom.’ We kept arguing and he went pink, and dislodged the steering wheel. The van went out of control, but luckily we didn’t hit anyone.” The doctor stared in stunned silence, eyes wide. “The worst of it was the car flipped onto its side. I pulled him out. We both made it out without being hurt. I got a tow truck to bring us back to Beach City, but he barely talked to me after that until yesterday. He was acting very distant. I really fouled that whole situation up. But I’m gonna do everything I can to make it better.”

Dr. Maheswaran leaned forward on her elbows to the picnic table. She steepled her fingers and touched her pointers to the bridge of her nose. “Greg,” she started, hesitating. “I know you don’t have a good relationship to your parents. But you made something he was struggling with, feeling out of place, too much about your own parental issues. That wasn’t fair to him. And you said you pulled him out of the car? Was he knocked unconscious by the crash?”

“He briefly wasn’t responding,” he replied regretfully, “the van flipped onto the driver’s side so I unbuckled him and hauled him out through the passenger’s side. Once we were both out on the ground, he came to. It really scared me.”

“If that happened two days after the hospital, what happened the day before that?”

“He wasn’t up for much.” Greg answered. “He slept in, but it wasn’t very restful sleep. We talked a little, watched some movies and I got us take-out.” Priyanka sat back up straight, face turning stern.

“So after the accident, why didn’t you schedule any follow-up?” she asked before turning her attention to the gems. “And why weren’t you all here for all of this?”

“I don’t have a very good excuse,” Greg answered, looking at his hands in his lap. “It was late when we got back from West Keystone, but I could have called you in the morning.”

“And he didn’t call you after that because after getting into an argument with us over the accident, Steven ran away from home,” Garnet answered solemnly. Dr. Maheswaran jumped to her feet.

“WHAT?!” she yelled, slamming her hands on the table. Greg flinched, while Pearl and Amethyst stared in shock. Garnet’s expression was unreadable. “I don’t understand how that wasn’t the first thing you could tell me about how this whole thing started! How many days was he missing? Where did he go? How did he get back?”

“He was gone for three days,” Pearl choked out, looking away.

“He went into the woods, he didn’t want to be found,” Amethyst murmured.

“He came back on his own,” Garnet answered. “He came back because he shattered Jasper and needed the diamond essence to fix it. We still don’t know how it happened. He won’t talk about it with us.”

“We weren’t there for him when he needed us, after the whole proposal and hospital thing, because we were on a Little Homeschool field trip with no cell service,” Amethyst said, keeping Dr. Maheswaran’s gaze.

“We had no idea,” Pearl continued, “the first thing Greg told us about was the car accident and we were most concerned about the pink power causing himself or others to get hurt.”

“I should have told them after he went missing,” Greg added, “but I was just focused on finding him, and I didn’t really think about the why.”

“We all screwed this up.” Amethyst concluded. “We’ve been trying to put together what’s been going on with him for the past few months so we can figure out how we went wrong. We want to be better for him. Connie helped us see that when she talked him down.”

“You don’t have any other option,” Dr. Maheswaran said resolutely. “If you want him to get better, you have to recognize your missteps and be better for him. I’ll ask about his family history later, I want to hear his side of things.” She stepped away from the table and marched through the Beach House’s broken doorway, scowling.

#Steven Universe #steven universe spoilers #I am my Monster #Priyanka Maheswaran #Steven Universe: Future #my precious gem child #Connie Maheswaran #Greg Universe #SU Fanfic #fanfiction #PTSD #imposter syndrome #It's Stanning Priyanka Hours #angst #my writing