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somerandomdudelmao · 1 year

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I hope this kills you and makes your day at the exact same time. I'm winging this btw and it's all improv in mah brain so it might be longer than expected, idfk, we'll see.

Thanks so much for existing and giving us this comic in the first place now suffer-

-{###}-

Leo watched as Donnie continued talking, his movements exaggerated and his words ecstatic. The holograhic screen lit up every surface within a 2-foot radius, the words big and bright against the darkened atmosphere. Beside himself, Mikey and Raph shivered on each side, looking anywhere but at Donnie's face. And even though Leo understood why they couldn't bare to look their brother in the eye right now, something deep inside of him still burned with annoyance. Because despite everything, it was still Donnie! They just couldn't see it yet!

Not like Leo could see very well past the hard, stable shell that his twin had built around himself. Not like he could tell how Donnie was really feeling. Not like his tireless efforts to reach out and help did anything noteworthy.

All it got him was...

"...Oh! And how could I forget the infirmary machinery as well!" Donnie continued, his voice raised in a professional manner that would make anyone else think he was just giving a regular presentation. "The infirmary duties will obviously be passed onto you, Leo, since aside from Casey, you're the most medically knowledgeable. Plus, I know you won't disappoint."

Of course, Leo wasn't anyone else. He could hear the manic cry for life and freedom and pain in his twin's voice, no matter how quiet. It was there, faint and far away, somewhere that not even Donnie could find it, but it was still there and it needed answering.

Donnie just kept refusing to look in the right direction.

---

It was well after midnight when Donnie pulled Leo aside for a chat about the affairs of taking on three positions at once. The leader of the resistance could barely piece together what Donnie was saying though, his words muffled by the bigger picture.

In the dead of night, as expected, Donnie's demeanor took a complete 180 shift, his expression barely masking the exhaustion and weakness he undoubtedly felt. His eyes were half-lidded and cloudy, a look that Leo's only ever seen thrice in those yellow and red irises. His shoulders, despite getting bonier and bonier by the day, were slouched in a lazy way that made the soft-shell look like a corpse. The purple hoodie he so much adored nearly reached his knees, the lost fat and muscle making the article of clothing seem bigger than it actually was.

But one of the worst aspects about Donnie's appearance didn't have anything to do with any signs of death or sickness. No... The thing that made Leo really want to throw up...?

Donatello was now shorter than Leonardo.

"C-come on, Donnie... Why would I need to learn any of this... Nerd... Stuff, if I already have you?"

A stupid question. Idiotic, dumb, foolish, stupid, demeaning, disgusting, stupid, gross, stupid stupid stupidstupidstupidstupid-

"Riiiiiight... Anyway, you'll need to remove that panel right there to get to the inner-workings of..."

But even though it was a stupid question, Donnie would've usually gone out of his way to answer it.

Why wouldn't he answer?

---

Two weeks.

It had only been two weeks.

But it felt like a lifetime.

Donnie wasn't dead yet, thank whatever god that's still out there that he wasn't, but Leo still felt like he was. Donnie was literally just there, he was just right in front of him, talking about the schematics of something or other, running his mouth like he's been doing for the past few days. Nothing truly notable about Donnie's health had really changed, no weakening brain cells or crippling disabilities. The only things that had changed were Donnie's height again and his now inability to walk.

His inability to walk. Just two weeks ago he was bouncing off the walls and biting people's noses off.

However, despite all of the physical evidence that Donnie was very clearly still here and alive, Leo couldn't help but feel like a part of him was gone. Dead, deceased, whisked away by the winds of time... It was hard to explain, even for him, how something inside of him just kind of... Faded away.

The Death, as Leo pessimistically liked to call it, was a slow and agonizing process, beginning all the way back when Donnie first revealed his worsening condition and then continuing on until now. It began with just a little click, a little pinprick of emptiness and loss and HURT that Leo didn't know how to fix. Then that pinprick slowly grew into a scab, then a paper cut, then a scratch, then a hole, and then finally evolved to a gaping wound that would take years to fix. It was just this... This agonizing feeling of emptiness and loneliness that Leo hadn't even felt when Raph first died. (Haha, funny. He's already died twice by now. Hilarious.) And no matter how hard Leo tried to heal it with potions and bandages and medicine and melatonin, it never went away.

Not even when Donnie stood directly in front of him.

And isn't that just hilarious? Isn't that great? Isn't that just Splendid? Isn't that just the coolest Revelation That LEO'S EVER FELT?? ISN'T THAT SO INTERESTING????

Isn't it funny?

---

Leo watched as Donnie continued talking, his movements exaggerated and his words ecstatic.

He watched the ghost wave goodbye with a dramatic flair and a little giddiness in his step, the small soft-shell turtle barely able to show his hand from inside the giant sleeve of his favorite hoodie.

Leonardo waved back, a sad, forced smile and a train track of dried tears gracing his face.

Red enveloped Leo's vision one final time, and soon enough...

The half of himself that somehow still remained...

Faded away.

-{###}-

Haha get Disaster Twin'd idiot-

DLFNRJRIFJJTG3OFOFJEVDKDOSGDEKEBSIFJEIBDJDJDNFBFKFBFKRBRJRJRJRJD

I mean. Thank you. This is amazing and I love it with all my heart💜💙

#What horrible person would put characters through such trauma???#looks in a mirror #ah.#right.#dies casually #collapses #*$&=(@₩#heekoeiejdbxno #fic tag

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lightlycareless · 4 months

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I always wonder what naoya would act like if he had a new born baby? Would he be very soft towards his child? Akxjjzsbizzjj my heart needs y/n and naoya fluff😭😭😭😭

HI ANON YES THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK AAAAHGHAHAHAGH you've come to the right place!! Literally, the more asks I get of Naoya and Y/N with their newborn baby the more ideas I get I want to write (doing one already, xmas themed, idc if I'm late lol)

Anyways, here is the good stuff you asked for 😏 warnings: none. just fluff.

I hope it's to your liking! Happy reading ❤️

Naoya is obsessed with the baby as soon as you tell him you’re pregnant, and soon, his days are filled with nothing but the pregnancy: from wanting to know if you’re alright, if you’ve had any nausea, if there were any specific cravings that needed to be satisfied, or his all-time favorite—if the baby was kicking.

You’d have to remind him that it’s too early for that, but when it’s finally time, his hands never leave your stomach, whether asleep or fully awake; he always must always be touching you, he needs to—as if he wasn’t already highly overprotective of you!

So, one can only imagine how this escalates when the baby finally arrives. (I’m still going with the idea that their first child is a girl)

When Naomi is born, all that Naoya desires is to stay by her side, her being the first thing he sees in the morning and the last in the night.

Naoya wants to be there as soon as the baby wakes up, hear her adorable coos and gurgles which he somehow always understands, as well as selecting her clothes for the day (they have to match. Non-negotiable) feed her (although that’s more like accompanying you while doing so.) and on and so forth.

And although there is nothing he loves more than being with his baby, his favorite thing in the world is seeing you bond with her.

Naoya just… melts when he sees you gush at their daughter, talk to her in that baby voice that always makes Naomi giggle, the occasional pinch of her chubby cheeks (which he likes to say she got from you—you, of course, deny it.) or how you seem to take her wherever you go, unable to peel away from her, not even a second! As if doing so would cause your immediate death!

I don't think I'll be able to convey just how overprotective the two are with Naomi.

Like, you and Naoya would be the type of parents to overdress her as soon as temperature drops the slightest for the simple fear that she’d get sick or something—obviously this didn’t last long because the doctor (alongside family members) would immediately remind them that being this way is only detrimental in the long term.

Rest assured, you and Naoya would find a way to compensate for that, specifically through toys, and outings when she's a bit older. Weekly trips to Tokyo Disneyland become the norm by that point (hell, if Naoya truly wanted to, he'd take Naomi to each worldwide Disney Park on a weekly basis, if only she didn't get crampy by flights—and if that wasn’t too much, of course.) which again, had to be stopped thanks to your dad advising both to take it easy, or she'll grow spoiled… the wrong way, that is.

I think out of the two, Naoya is the one that would struggle the hardest to not buy every single thing that reminds him of Naomi. But can we blame him? The nature of his work often keeps him away from you and the baby, which makes him very, very sad and resentful that it does.

He literally tried to get some time off so he’d be able to stay with you and the baby… but he wasn’t able to get much; so, he looks for all possible ways to make up for his absence, as well as reassure her that his career is not more important than her, or that he isn’t trying hard enough to be there.

Because of this, you make your best effort for Naomi's first word to be papa; it might not be much, but it’s your way to reassure him that he’s a good father and that she loves him very, very much. (The one deciding to name their children after him is your idea, because you want Naoya to feel included, loved. Like he deserves a family after all that he went through 🥺)

Going back to Naomi’s first word, this feat is easier said than done, but you do your best either way, and when it finally happens…. Oh my god is Naoya over the moon.

He literally died when Naomi cheerfully yelled “papa!” upon seeing him return one day from a mission, with that toothy grin he loves so much and those chubby little hands reaching out for him that immediately melt away all his stresses and anxieties away.

And we haven't even spoken of nicknames yet!!! He already had the habit of calling you all kinds of pet names, and that, alongside his tendency to pinch your cheeks, is something that Naomi will also inherit from him.

He'd call her all kinds of cute things, however, his favorite ones are the ones he associates with you, but adding a small differentiation, for example:

“Princess” and “little princess”

“Little mochi” and “littlest mochi”—this one you tell Naoya not to use just because of how silly it sounds, not that it works but hey, you tried.

“Pumpkin” and “little pumpkin”—this one was mostly used by your dad, which Naoya later adopted upon finding out about it—and if you already felt embarrassed by it, this sentiment just grew when Naoya began to endlessly tease you with it.

But now that it’s being used on Naomi, you finally began to appreciate it and subsequently, find it adorable!

So, yes. Naoya loves his baby very, very much, for Naomi represents a combination of all the things that make him happy: you, his love for you, and now, a family.

He'd go above and beyond to make them happy and keep them safe; when it comes to this, the sky is the limit.

wow ngl. I want to write more. ajgajgjsaajgkja specifically the "Naoya placing his hands over your stomach to feel the baby kicking" or how he'd react to tiring nights where baby Naomi just can't sleep 🥺 if anyone wants to indulge me by sending in an ask of what you'd like me to write, you know where to find me 😏

thank you for this lovely ask!! Take care and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️

#ask #naoya zenin #naoya zen'in #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #naoya zenin x you #jjk naoya #naoya zen'in x reader #jjk x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #prompt series: jujutsu kaisen

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ystrike1 · 10 months

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Beast’s Flower - By Habrin (7.5/10)

Would you read a story about a cliche abused heroine and a possessive guy if it came with a little spice? Most people give smutty stories a chance when they're weird. So, this one is totally PG13 and the heroine is stinky. You heard me. Her magical powers make her stinky. She only smells good to the crown prince, because he's a panther man. None of that information is presented in a comedic way. The author is dead serious.

Lyla comes from a village where mages aren't seen as valuable inventors. They're still witches in the eyes of the uneducated and poor. Lyla was born stinky. Her magic is too strong. It's implied that the smell makes people fear her, but the "I'm stinky" curse is too damn funny please help me I can't fucking do this one...

Anyway.

Lyla is the daughter of a Baron. Nobody else has magic nearby so no tutor comes to save her. The maids abandon her and she starts living in the barn with the horses.

When she turns ten things get worse. Her father leaves her in a cabin near the mansion in the woods. He provides candles and minimal supplies. Lyla has no education. She's kinda dumb as a brick and defensive as hell, and she's stinky. The locals think she's a witch that eats children. Really, her life could not suck more.

Ariadne is Lyla's tall, normal smelling sister. Ariadne is a narcissist that thinks Lyla should die. She gradually makes Lyla's life even worse.

Lyla begs for more candles for her hovel. Ariadne says no, and Lyla's position is very realistic. Without candlelight she literally must live like an animal. Ariadne's sick games worsen her mental health, which is already questionable...at best...

One night, while Lyla is busy thinking about death, she hears a noise. It's a guest. A "lost" man has come. It's Prince Viorst, a prince that can transform into a beast at will!!!!

He doesn't tell her that. He pretends to be a passing noble who is lost and injured and in need of help.

Lyla rushes to his aid...just kidding she tries to stab him. Lyla doesn't trust him AT ALL. He even says he doesn’t have a sense of smell....which is also a lie. Lyla can't resist. No nose means she can maybe have a normal human friend. She's very uncivilized and blunt with him, but he doesn’t care.

Lyla's yucky stink smell...turns him on? Like he immediately wants to marry her, and no one else ever. Viorst is more beast than man. He is known as a sociopath who will do anything to maintain power. That's great for the country but he is deeply feared by all. He even threatens to sell off his head aide when he's kinda annoyed. Violence is part of his everyday life, and he thinks Lyla smells like a flower. A sexy one....

The flirtation is all one-sided until Lyla cracks. It's so ridiculous. Viorst acts like a normal Casanova type of man, even though his bride is in rags. It gets absurd and really creepy. Viorst doesn't feel human in the slightest. All of his sweetness is a ploy to capture Lyla, who is the only woman he has ever felt anything for.

By the way the shit with Lyla's family is actually really depressing??? Ariadne is the perfect daughter her father always wanted. She's not stinky and she's pretty. The Baron ignored her lust for blood, and now it's too late. The Baron is actually afraid of Ariadne. Ariadne thinks she's going to be Crown Princess, because Viorst is staying with them will he courts Lyla in secret.

He's staying there out of convenience.

As soon as Lyla agrees to go with him he's going to kill everybody in the manor.

Hardcore...

Ariadne doesn't know that, so she tries to seduce him the whole time...

Ariadne actually tries to fight back. Viorst admits he's after Stinky Lyla. Ariadne convinces her father to give the order for an old-fashioned Witch Hunt. By the way!!! Lyla's father did love her!!! He just kinda gave up on her because of the Witch Stuff and the stink. He used to visit her. Ariadne slowly convinced him that he didn't need an imperfect daughter. He hesitates to give the killing order until the last second, with Ariadne screaming in his face.

He still sucks, but Lyla could have had a better life. She didn’t get it because Ariadne is a violent, narcissistic wacko. This idea is pretty great. In any other story Ariadne would be a hateful villain, but her parents adored her until the end because she's not cursed/magical.

Viorst uses his beast form to scare the villagers and save(?) Lyla from the Witch Hunt. However, he does let them burn her cabin down. He practically forces her to come home with him, because there's no home left for her to cling to. He reveals that her father gave the order too. There's no chance to put Ariadne on trial for her madness. Lyla doesn't get the chance to reconcile with her father.

Viorst takes her away.

He unleashes his punishment.

He cuts off Ariadnes arm, because she dared to touch him.

He takes away the Baron's title, leaving him destitute.

Then, he sets the manor on fire while the entire family is still inside.

If they survive they all have to live as peasants.

Maybe Ariadne will live and return...but it's most likely that the family will choose to die.

They can't beat the prince.

Lyla learns that Viorst is the prince...when she's locked up safely in the castle. He pretends to be a normal noble until then. Lyla says she wouldn't have accepted his proposal if she knew and he's like...lol yeah that's why I lied to you the whole time...lol...

This is the beginning of a super healthy relationship. How wholesome.

Viorst wants to keep Lyla stupid too.

He doesn't want her to learn about her powers or anything. She just needs to stay in the palace and be loved by him.

......

Viorst is a real wackjob. Lyla is definitely a strong mage. After she learns a bit she'll be able to control the miasma/stink. Viorst doesn't care if she spends the rest of her life in isolation. At least let her get rid of the stink....come on....stinky....Why would you want to go down in history as The King with the Stankrank bride????

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #monster guy #monster boy #Beast’s Flower

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ben-talks-art · 10 months

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Nimona was so great I wish it was a show

After seeing the trailers and clips and hearing about the premise I was really excited about watching this movie.

It looked fun, the main lead looked awesome, the animation seemed charming, it just looked like it was going to be a good time while exploring a very relevant theme even for today.

And long story short, that's basically what it was, just a really good fun time exploring a really relevant theme. It was as super solid movie with a super solid main character.

I don't think it's perfect but it did what I hoped it would do, showing this tiny girl with a sharp-teethed smile being awesome and kicking ass.

(Spoilers for the movie below)

For those who don't know the premise, the movie tells the story about a man about to become an official knight who gets framed for a murder and ends up getting hated by the whole kingdom forcing him into isolation.

Once Nimona finds out about this she considers the idea of becoming friends with him since people also hate her for things she never did, so at least they could be hated and hunted down together.

The guy doesn't trust her at first but with time they start to get along and develop some absurdly charming chemistry and eventually through their combined efforts they managed to make people see that neither of the two is as bad as everyone thinks.

At first I was a little skeptical since I didn't want to see yet another "Last of Us" or "Logan" story about some grumpy old dude learning to be a father after taking care of a spunky little girl, a trope that I'm just freaking sick to death of seeing so much, but they handle it really well in here by instead of making it a father-daughter relationship it's more like just two outcast friends hanging out.

He's not raising or taking care of her. Heck, if anything, she's the mentor figure making him realize his views of the world aren't as simple as he thinks.

And like I said, they have such a great chemistry. At first it's the usual "simple character gasps at weird character" routine, but they drop that after some time and it becomes more about him just going along with her antics and joining in on the fun.

The best part of the movie is just these two hanging out and being weird together. I could watch a whole show about them just having fun doing whatever, I just love seeing them that much.

Their interactions are so enjoyable to watch, a lot of it coming from the voice acting doing a perfect job showcasing their personalities. I just adore hearing them talk to each other. There is so much emotion and character in their voices that I feel they could just be reading a phonebook and still would be fun to listen to.

Which kinda brings me to my one problem with the movie...

The two leads work so well together and are so likable and charming... That they kinda make the rest of the story feel just a tiny bit lacking.

The major plot involving the crime mystery is... sadly not that interesting in my opinion.

You've seen these scenes before, you heard these lines before, you know what's gonna happen and how they're gonna solve the conflict, you know exactly who the culprit is and why they did it the second they appear on-screen.

It's the usual "who's the real monster" story and "people who fear what they don't understand" plot.

It's not bad, and it's sadly still relevant to remind people that they shouldn't hate on things just because they're too afraid of the unknown, but it's just a story we've seen so many times already and there isn't really that much new here.

They play around a little with the idea that the kingdom is always trying to be under the light because they are afraid of what they can't see in the shadows with several shots of the knights being literally under sources of light at all times and in the climax of the movie we see a being literally hides their true self under several layers of shadows, and stuff like that is handled really well, but when you come down to it it's still the usual story about the dangers of making assumptions under the wrong or lack of information.

One thing they addressed that I really really liked was how they point out that kids are taught from an early age to discriminate as if it was a normal thing to do and why it's so hard for adults to let go of this discrimination since it's basically like rejecting what your entire life has taught you.

I think the story should have leaned more on that. Instead of being about solving the mystery of "who did it?", it would have been, in my opinion, more interesting if it was about Nimona showing her friend how he's been slowly brainwashed his whole life, kinda like what happened in How To Train Your Dragon where the main lead has a scene of him realizing that everything he knew about dragons was wrong, or even in this movie's creator's other work, She-Ra, where the female lead, Adora, realized she and many others were being lied on by the bad guys her whole life.

Or heck, they could have turned this into some sort of "Beyond Good and Evil" setting where our two leads go around finding proof about the lies of the government and work underground to collect evidence and show the citizens the true colors of the kingdom and through that bringing the people to their side.

I don't know, I just feel like the idea of having these two working together to reveal other truths would be more engaging than just the usual "scared people do dumb things" plot.

Again, the scenes with these two working together once they got on the same page were my favorite parts and I really wished I could have more of that.

But I know why we can't have more of that. This is a movie with three acts and we need to do the usual movie with three acts thing, establish the conflict, explore the conflict, and solve the conflict, all while introducing all the relevant characters, setting up their motivations, and having them go through some character development by the time we reach the end so we can pass on the moral of the story.

And sometimes when you need to focus on all that you end up with not enough time to focus on other elements, which is why I really feel this would work even better as a show so we could have more time dedicated to the two leads just being great and doing cool things together, exploring this world and maybe even adding other characters for them to interact with.

I feel like Nimona's biggest flaw is that its leads are way more interesting than the story they're in.

For instance, the fact that Nimona has shape-shifting powers is freaking awesome and leads to tons of cool and creative scenes of her just going from one shape to another... But it also feels like a bit overkill for the problems they come across.

I kept waiting for some sort of big epic battle where she would have to face some sort of squad of super-enhanced knights or something, or maybe they would go How To Train Your Dragon 2 and reveal they also have a secret evil shape-shifter on their side for her to fight, or maybe they would do it like in the series Kipo and have the big villain copy Nimona's power so they could have a transformation fight in the same way they did it in the Sword on the Stone movie.

I don't know, I just feel like Nimona's antagonists are kinda boring for how cool she is. She barely even interacts with them when I think about it.

But yes... I know that's not the point... It's not about Nimona punching some cool bad guy in the face as if we were in a Marvel movie...

it's about sending the message of how adults keep trying to find faults and problems in things that have no faults and problems just because of their upbringing, fear, lack of guidance, or outside manipulation, and how much that behavior needlessly hurts the innocents who have no means to resist and how that corrupts the young into following their example and keeping the cycle going.

It's about how when you treat people like monsters they start to consider becoming monsters as well, showing how powerful our actions and their consequences can be even if we don't think about it.

It's about how hard it is to sometimes see that we are making a big mistake that's keeping us from stepping into a whole new world of possibilities that might be even better than the world we have now because of how scary it is to leave your clear comfort zone and adventure through the unknown.

It's about a whole bunch of relevant themes and messages that can help people become even better people...

That said... It is a little hard to look at a character THIS cool and not go "I wish she would fight something cooler."

Like... Look at all the promotional images of her grinning while starting to shift into a dragon and tell me you don't want to see her in some super big epic battle against some really cool villain. (Or maybe that's just me? 🤔)

But... Then again, that does fit into the message of Nimona not having to be what people think she is or want her to be and instead learning to accept her for who she really is, just a girl that wants others to stop finding non-existent problems with her.

So, yeah, I'm not gonna get angry at a movie for not being exactly how I wished it was when the whole idea is that we often get too angry at things for not being how we think they should be.

Bottom line, I like Nimona. I love the leads, love the voice-acting, the transformation scenes, the chemistry between the characters, the interactions...

The message is kinda "been there done that", but many people still need to hear about it even today so, who am I to complain...

I just wish I could see the leads hanging out more and doing more things outside of this main plot. I feel like this works as a great pilot for an ongoing story with these two and would be more than happy to follow them in other adventures (the movie literally ends with the walls to a whole new world breaking down ala Attack on Titan).

So... Can I get a sequel or a tv show, please?

#nimona #nimona netflix #netflix movie

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weregreatatcrime · 9 months

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I'm sick and rereading Two Halves and I know I leave a lot (A LOT) of stuff in the end notes but there's actually lots of stuff I still never mention or talk about so here's a long sick (midday) ramble about things I didn't get the chance to talk about but wanted to (in somewhat of an order reminded by rereading) or at least just some lines I particularly enjoyed

It's time for chapter 7 while I fight off the sick urge to Nap. Warning for VERY dark content including suicidal ideation and Murder

I really enjoyed this chapter because I got to fully embrace and showcase some of Karai’s sadistic, bloodthirsty nature that I just hadn't been able to show yet. She's a changeling and a raised and trained assassin who hates humans. She can get NASTY when she's given the opportunity to, and the fic hadn't allowed that before this chapter. Finally I got to write my true murder girl 🧡

The very secret game between Shredder and Karai over what Foot ninja are loyal to whom. Some genuinely would rather follow Karai than him, while others just see her as a lesser of two evils. Of course this isn't all very up front- Shredder is in charge first and foremost, so of course, they all obey him. Some just... prefer to listen to the heir, when given the chance...

Shredder allows the heresy only because it's something of a game between father and daughter :) Plus she'll inherit the clan anyways, it's good to have men who will be immediately loyal to her when she does. The majority are still loyal to Him.

Even ninjas forget to look Up sometimes. Especially in their super secure throne room that shouldn't be Capable of having spies around

"Prime indicator that [Shredder] was smug about something that probably violated the Geneva Convention."

Xever was my FAVORITE villain in 2k12 as a kid. Nowadays it's Stockman, but I still have a lot of fondness for the evil murder fish

Changeling Karai makes a game of tormenting her father's Lieutenants, and Xever is her favorite toy. He's thoroughly petrified of her. He's one of the few who knows even a bit of just how far her sadistic nature goes

Karai’s first reaction to hearing she'd been *seen* while doing a secret mission was to launch herself headfirst off the roof and I wish I could say that's hyperbole, but uh, nope, that's quite literally her greatest fear and can result in her death so suicide can potentially be a better way to go than risking being hunted down by the Order

Xever thoroughly believes Karai is just manipulating the turtles so she can get in close and stab em where it hurts. From his experience, this is absolutely what she would do, and Karai has never proved him wrong about her malicious streak before

Xever equally as terrified of the Shredder because of the fact that she CLEARLY got it from him

Karai WISHES she could blow everything up on the way out like Stockman, but she can't risk the Order sticking their noses in before she's done. So she's gotta settle with dropping a metaphorical bomb instead

Karai, maybe leaving Shinigami on read is actually the WORSE option than not leaving her any sign at all

While thinking of what Karai would make into her changeling key, it didn't take me very long to think of something she would frequently have on her that would be inconspicuous. Eyeliner. That red is fire

Changelings have a LOT of backups and backups for backups

"Xever was fond of severing fingers, and she didn’t want to have to cauterize anything mid rescue."

The entire rescue scene just makes me happy. This is Karai in her element. Killing people right in plain sight without being caught, disappearing with their corpses before they're seen. This is changeling Karai doing what she was trained her whole life to do and she is GOOD at it.

Donnie was in fact drugged a second time to keep him down for a bit

Karai personally when picking a hostage turtle would've picked either Mikey or Leo, but she doesn't know about Shredder’s own plan for Donnie, so she's a bit puzzled

Personally, if Karai had designed it, rather than a bomb she would've used a biochemical agent that could've been pumped right into his bloodstream on either a programmed signal or upon someone attempting to remove it. What that agent would be would entirely depend on how much she hated the person in question

Karai has a real love for poisons that doesn't get a lot of time to shine, but it DOES pop in here and there

Despite her fucking with him, Karai did always respect Xever more than a lot of other Lieutenants. He's a lot more cunning and willing to use underhanded tactics which of course appeals to her

Ngl tempted to write a whump one-shot of what would've happened if Karai HAD shown up a bit later for the rescue

I ranted enough about fish biology in the end notes, I don't need to go on about it again here

Karai paralyzed Xever with he sword through the neck, but he WAS still alive. Just completely unable to do anything about it. Hence why she initially assumed he was dead. Sword through the skull was enough to end it though

Actually sending a sword through his thick skull required a lot of muscle, hence why she needed to put some oomph into it. Her changeling form would've managed fine but human form is a lot weaker

Imagine the scene they walked into later. Two dead foot ninja, Xever dead with Karai’s sword placed dramatically through the top of his head, the turtle missing, NONE of the cameras working, and the ONLY thing they have is a few clips of Karai sneaking in and one single shot of her dragging Donatello out of the lab while flipping off the camera. Fucking amazing

Yes, I play dnd. Sometimes when writing I use a d20 to make decisions when I can't decide because all my options are tempting. It's a great writing hack- especially because if you REALLY hate your roll, you discover that you actually did have a preferred option

#my stuff #my writing #two daughters au #rai internal review #long post #commentary #tw injury #tw death #ask to tag

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the-warmesthello · 2 years

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owen's family/siblings hcs

a couple of hcs about owen's family bc im sick and need to write these down before the delirium fades and i completely forget all of this.

PRE-POSTING EDIT: i'm better now. i did, in fact, forget all of this and am piecing it back together. this isn't fully sick me's vision, but it is what i think.

PRE-POSTING EDIT EDIT: wow this is so fucking long why am i incapable of being normal about this. btw just realised that these r ocs. im making ocs. i didn't think of them as ocs up until now, just as literally what his family's like the same way canon is what his adult life's like, but i made spies are forever ocs and you will hear about them. this message brought to you by me a week after i started making this post.

this is the springboard for all my stuff about owen's family. in this post i'm only focussing on childhood except where i think i might forget. my barb-owen lavender marriage au is based on inheritance fraud regarding these specific people. i might contradict myself later, but probably not.

trigger warnings: emotionally abusive family, ableism, parent death, traumatic/accidental death, trauma and its aftermath, child labour exploitation i think?, war undertones, abusive school experiences, one mention of anti-welsh sentiment, implied antisemitism. if you want to skip the worst of the death bit, skip the 3rd point under C.

very long also putting in bigger tags so don't want to force people to see triggering stuff, so it's under a read more.

parents

father's (b. 1895) side of the family is old money. very proudly welsh in the way of language and history, but they're politically aligned with the crown. all tories, except for a cousin that started voting plaid cymru in 1927 and was disowned. father has a strong desire for a well-rounded, educated, "manly gentleman" for a son, the same as what his father wanted. lineage is everything for the carvours. that's how it's always been.

mother (1904-1942) was jewish. her family immigrated to swansea when her parents were both children ('they met on the boat over, and it was love at first sight', mother would tell them). they integrated and became comfortably wealthy, though by what means mother never told. when she told her parents she wanted to marry a goy who wouldn't consider conversion, they fought, and even though they made up, the relationship stayed stunted.

sibling intro

owen had 3 siblings growing up: an older brother (by 6 years, A), a younger sister (by 4 years, B), and a younger brother (by 10 years, C).

someone help me with their names i'm tired. some ideas i have: - A (edit: alan reese carvour) i want to be a name that i would associate with an older guy, with fewer spelling-related ties to welsh than his younger siblings. alan, reese, trevor/trev, gavin, brian, edwin/ed - B (edit: catrin avalon carvour) i want to be similar to the name owen, one that's clearly welsh/a welsh variant if you think about it but enough of a common name that it's not super obvious to foreigners. gwen, catrin/cadi, megan, nia, enid, avalon/ava, rhiannon (cant use gwen unless owen's trans and he chose a name similar to his sister's on purpose) - C (edit: dafydd arthur carvour) i want to have a welsh spelling of a name that could be anglicised easily, should he wish. dafydd/dai, gwilym, arthur, daryn, harri

A was born in the may of 1924 while the carvours were still living in london. mother and father had recently married, and mother was young and didn't have very much support outside of her in-laws, who resented her for reasons A will never understand.

he'd always been kind of a troublemaker, throwing things and screaming and colouring all over the nursery wall, but his father didn't bother trying to fix any of it because 'boys will be boys', and his mother used to try but gave up easily when he preferred his father to her because 'forcing someone to like you better never works'.

due to this, he never really learned how to cope with emotions in a healthy way and often "embarrassed" his parents with his public emotional outbursts. only then did his father care how he acted, but the sudden rule change didn't make sense. he picked up on that shame and internalised it deeply, becoming defensive whenever someone suggested another idea to him.

probably has some kind of undiagnosed thing, but nobody ever took him to be tested when he was young, by the time he was old enough to communicate that it was a problem he didn't like either, everyone had already written him off as manipulative and beyond saving.

so he stopped caring. if he did something wrong, he was a horrible little brat. if he tried to do what people asked, they said he was trying to get something out of them.

eventually, his parents (or at least his mother) improved somewhat, but at that point he wanted nothing to do with them and was grateful that he only had to see them on school holidays. their attempts were too little, too late.

resents owen for being the 'better son', but very protective of his other siblings.

found a healthy coping mechanism in lifting heavy things when he was tasked with digging anderson shelters for everyone and felt the weight of his frustration being thrown away behind him with the soil.

this became his go-to calming method, even if it meant father screamed at him.

after 1942, he didn't dig any more holes. it was too much to bear.

so he turned his escapism into perfectionism and channelled his athleticism into boxing. he dropped out of college, got a promoter, and spent every waking moment counting out money, considering the odds of each fight, and training.

it was overwhelming, but that's what he wanted it to be.

eventually got disowned for leftism crimes. (good for him)

owen

yes i'm gonna make one of these for him too.

born in november 1930 in aberystwyth. parents' marriage more established, but not strictly happy. owen picked up on clear ideological differences between his parents at a young age, but both were raising their children under their model of success.

an 'odd' child, but in a way that was less of an inconvenience to adults so was never reprimanded for it.

he didn't really understand why people liked some behaviours better than others, but knew that when he did the right things, people were nicer to him, and sometimes even gave him things, so he learned to play the game.

honestly, as an adult he finds it funny that A was always seen as manipulative when really out of anyone in the family it was himself. i mean, like, he knew that sucked for A, but he wasn't gonna say anything about it.

since he was the "smart one", he became the de facto eldest son, and was given a much more thorough education in languages, music, and science.

played the cello, first because father told him to, then because he liked it. he liked the way it could sway with him and how deep it sounded.

father liked how there were no frets forcing one in line, like a guitar, but one still had to follow the rules or it would sound bad.

when war broke out, owen was introduced to a family that had recently moved in. his father said that he should get to know the children, they were his age. they could be friends.

after dinner that evening, his father invited him to his office, a rare honour. a machine was already set up, and owen watched the wheels rotate as he answered question after question about the neighbours' children's lives.

where are they from? have you been able to see anything in that room no child is allowed into? what did that note slipped under the front door say? can you draw it? what have they overheard about the move? what did they say their parents' jobs were? what is... who did... where... thank you, owen, that's all. you may go to your room now, there's something there for you. think of it as a token of gratitude for your trouble.

this continued for a few months, all the way up until the family disappeared. owen thought it was odd that they hadn't brought their things.

either way, the conversations stopped after that, until the next time. and the next.

when he decided to join mi6's training program, he couldn't help but notice that his file was already several pages thick on his first day.

way back in 1942, he was the first to hear the siren. the sound made him feel sick for the rest of his life.

born in july 1934. with the 'heir and a spare' out of the way, the pressure on mother to produce another son was gone, and both parents welcomed a baby girl.

spoiled by her father with material goods, but she could sense that it was to set her up for something, and there was less emotion behind it than a plan, though for what she couldn't know.

had a knack for cheering people up, even father. she could sing, and dance around a room, and perform a smile to make it all better for a moment.

she loved her siblings. if father was treating A unfairly, she would mediate. if owen was cracking under the weight of his schoolwork, languages, music lessons, the now mandatory play sessions with the neighbours, readings, and shooting practice, she would sneak into his room and offer to help cover for him.

great tree-climber. sometimes would go up and wouldn't get down unless there was food waiting for her.

some days, mother would take her into a secret room off one of the corridors nobody went through, and in there were candlesticks, both straight and tree shaped, and a cup that looked older than even mother, and a cloth that mother taught her to put on her head with a song in a language she didn't understand. there was a little metal canister on the doorframe, and when she was very little mother would lift her up so she could touch it whenever she went in or out.

mother used to say, 'this is where we come from. remember that.' and 'this is precious, and secret, and only for us to know. we can't tell father.' and it was only when B was grown, and had her own husband, and her own children, that she understood.

loved painting. mostly her dreams, which she could remember as vividly as any other memory.

what happened that night in 1942 was only 4 hours after she blew her eight birthday candles out. every year hearing the birthday song would bring it back.

talking about mother hurt after that, so she didn't.

her paintings became more focused, more like the dreams she had in the few years after that night, even when her dreams moved on somewhat. the current dream paintings were private, only shared with her family and close friends.

the ones she shared were precipices, a candle being snatched by the darkness of a tunnel, mother telling her that she was sorry for leaving while sitting with B in a sunny field, on a train, in the secret room.

after her death, the moderate number of people in the art world who know her work will wonder who the woman in her work is.

some say a reflection of herself, some a recurring character living a full life, some later on suggest a lover. the truth was that B never fully moved on from what happened, even though her life did.

born during the war in january of 1941. both mother and he had almost died, and he was sick for a month following his birth.

has no memories of mother, but always thought that she looked very pretty in pictures.

C was only 18 months old when the siren went off. mother had lifted him out of his cot while the whole family and staff filed out of their rooms to the shelters. it had been dark, and mother was shaking so much, the way she always did when this happened, and she must have missed a step on the way down. she had twisted backwards to protect him the only way she could.

father never let him forget that it was his fault.

growing up, owen and B were the only people in the house who wanted to take care of him, and they tried their best.

but C was... different. more delicate. he seemed to get sick if someone across the house shut a door too loudly. he had no interest in climbing trees or playing the cello. he seemed almost like a rabbit, always looking around, scared that something was going to get him at any moment.

the only thing he seemed to like doing was reading. he learned at what might've been a remarkably young age, but must not have been, because father never said anything. owen told him later that they'd learned to read at the same age, and he was told that it was early, so C must also have been a quick learner.

owen helped with his learning as much as he could, but support from father was impossible and textbooks were so much more difficult than fiction. in fiction he could go wherever he wanted.

his favourites were a little princess, the naughtiest girl in the school, and trixie belden mysteries.

father tried to take them away, said they were too girly, but B always managed to sneak them back. she recommended more grown up mysteries, like poirot and father brown, for when he needed a 'boyish enough' story. but it was always the boarding school stories he liked best.

so he was excited to see what adventures would await him when he finally got to go himself.

it didn't go well.

(he'd one day find that most things never do go the way they are in stories.)

the school he went to was english, and the boys all made fun of his name and how his chin jutted out when he was nervous and the way he talked, as well as everything his father had.

he spelled his name differently when they said it made him look stupid for 'spelling it wrong'.

the teachers criticised his posture and his handwriting and how he undermined their authority, though he didn't mean to, really he didn't, it was an accident.

the teachers said that if it happened this many times it couldn't have been an accident.

when he turned 21, he changed his uni major (then dropped out altogether), changed his attitude, changed his clothes. became a writer/producer as part of a travelling theatre company. all for the sake of being free.

some would say he went too far in that.

#magnetic tape recorders didnt commercially exist until 1945ish but photoelectric paper ones did so thats what that was #also jurtwen made me do it to em :) i will hold on to this concept forever #holy shit this took so long #anyway hope this is a Thing and not just some prolonged bullshittery #headcanons #owen #im right #owen carvour #spies are forever #tin can bros #emotional abuse tw #ableism tw #parent death tw #trauma tw #school tw #the rest should be fine since it's under a read more and only smaller things but if anyone wants them tagged ask me and i'll do it

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shallowseeker · 2 years

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The positive meaning of 15x20

Lately, I've given you the evil versions of the finale filled with death and terrible views of the fractured self. Now, I'm going to give a more positive/thoughtful explanation.

Why did Dean die? "It was always going to end like this," because Dean died long ago, and Supernatural is Sam-Jack working out why and accepting it. Perhaps the trauma is just something awful like a car accident, or it’s something more difficult that would wound Sam badly and cause him to blame himself … like if Dean took his own life. A young child might easily view suicide as a sacrifice, and if that child is ill, that would compound the fracture. Sam telling Dean he can go in 15x20 is Sam accepting it. Sam leaving the bunker is Sam/Jack leaving his fantasy world. That's why the wife isn't Eileen. That's why they cut out all the hunter friends in the final episode.

The perspective of a child - So many of Sam/Jack's fears revolve around Dean giving up, and so much of the journey is Sam finding out stuff about his brother he didn't previously know, like that Dean always wanted to be a firefighter. This is why Dean is the most important person in Sam's life. Because he’s his parent. This is also why Sam fails to really know him. ❤️ Who did Dean point a gun at: Sam AND Jack. Who did Dean kill death protecting: Sam AND Jack. I’m not sure but Cas faces metaphorical mental brokenness and depression (the empty) for Sam-Jack. Whenever something bad happens to someone, Sam-Jack thinks it’s because he’s caused it. He thinks God let Jesus die, so maybe he’s supposed to as well.

The person behind the actual mask: Real Sam/Jack isn't good-looking or heroic, or the kind of guy who could wield Thor's hammer like in Last Holiday. He's just some guy. He might even be a very young person/teen! There's something about Sam needing blood to be stronger, going through trials, faith healing, etc that speaks to Sam having a chronic illness. Sam's later obsessions with healthy eating and parallel to Steve Jobs speaks to this as well. Purity culture and clean eating is a HUGE way to control illness. When you're sick, you often feel unclean, like it's your fault. My theory is that Rowena also likely has an illness but is putting her belief system in magic.

On illness: When you're ill, there's something horrific in being consumed by the illness. Sometimes you look around and feel like everyone is pouring their energy into you, and you haven't had time to learn the first thing about them. Sometimes you feel horrible needing basic things like blood infusions because that's someone else's life force. Don't even get me started on how our culture has up till now viewed organ donations. There's something really lovely in Jack eating angel hearts to "make his body strong," you see. It's a narrative tension about illness. With unclean blood, could be anything from thassalemia to cancer to Mary’s “demon” of doing drugs that passed on HIV-AIDS at birth. (What’d your mom die of. Oh, she had her demons. Where’s your dad? Oh he’s chasing his own demons, I suppose. Where’s Dean? Son, everyone has their demons.) A kid hearing that sort of talk might take it literally. Might even conjure up another hero self to hunt those demons.

Who is Dean: The Dean we see on screen IS a complex manifestation of Sam's memories placed in a heroic, monster-hunting setting. So what do we know about the real Dean? We know he was Sam's caretaker, and if Sam was really, really sick, then Dean likely gave up a significant part of his life to help him. John was absent. We don't really know why. Perhaps, Mary, Dean, and Sam even have a familial illness and that sent John chasing after miracles and mystery cures. Maybe he too was angry with God, the world, and lost himself to alcoholism.

The specter of drinking and suicide: We know that something terrible happened to Dean that caused Sam to generate this big epic love story to deal with it and try to solve the puzzle of his brother. Much of his logic throughout the narrative is like a child learning their parent is a *person.* We also know that Dean is HUGELY tied up in religion at some point, so I'm thinking that whatever happened, Dean sought absolution through church, and that introduced a whole 'nother dimension to sort through. What is a huge horrid thing religion says about suicide? That they go to HELL. That’s gotta be awful to deal with. Sam seems uncommonly afraid of Hell in general. 💔 And well, other reasons Dean might “go to Hell”? I mean, his dad sent him to a boys’ home at 16. One of the caretakers has rosary beads…

On the quest for the cure: Ezekiel/Gadreel wasn't a person. He was a treatment that went bad. Like chemo or other toxic therapy. He maybe got Sam's "permission" to treat him when Sam had given up, and Sam was so angry about that. So much of the boundary crossing in SPN can be re-imagined as various treatments for chronic illness. Just think about what eventually happens to Jack. Cas goes off on a quest to get a mystery “experimental” medicine...that makes Jack worse. It's heartbreaking, really. Cas is always searching for, "another way" for them in the last couple seasons. In fact, Cas and Dean together are constantly searching for cures, and that's...that's really something. Cas and Dean chase their own demons of purgatory and hunger, of depression, caretaker burnout, and incredible incredible stress over losing Mary, Sam, Jack, or Claire. Then they wanna kill themselves or god. It’s not fair.

On locking yourself away: The final seasons are haunted by Dean putting himself in a box. Putting Cas in a box and being separated from Cas. In drowning in alcohol. Being angry with god. Having versus being. Being able to say things. Like this is something Sam-Jack began to realize about the world and how relationships are perceived.

Who is Cas? Cas himself is complicated. Is he a doctor? A church counselor? A therapist? One thing we know is he's a constant presence, and he's constantly being taken away by work and church. His looming association to marriage and other children makes me think this was a constant source of tension and he may have been living as a closeted married man. Cas has/had obligations to previous families before tying himself to Dean (and taking on Sam-Jack's illness). Sam-Jack had a lot of trouble accepting the re-emergence of Cas into their lives initially (See: the specter of what Benny actually represents; “Not my Dean!” said Bobby), but nonetheless, Sam-Jack eventually chose Cas as his secondary father. That Cas said, "Nothing is worth your life," triggered a huge heartwarming hug from Sam. Like a kid, he picked Cas before he realized exactly why Dean needed him. Two of the most parent-iest things I can think of are “There’s nothing I’d put ahead of you,” and “Nothing is worth your life.”

Sam seeing the future: The Chuck-terrible future he saw where Dean gave up? It's because Cas died. The box is both a coffin narrative and depression and being closeted. Claire (Mary?) died. Dean lost hope. So, Sam had to deal with that too. In a way, that's the truth and a huge part of what happened to Dean. So Sam rejects it. I think Cas definitely really died. He symbolically died over and over when he left them to return to his Christian hetero-normative life. And Dean's "you're dead to me!" and the whole divorce thing that Sam-Jack saw in the beginning of season 15...that's complex. At some point, Cas chooses them, but marries that devotion to his previous obligations. Cas’s hallucinated death is a huge metaphor for depression because what disappears when you let yourself be happy? Sadness.

Who was Eileen? Disability narrative aside, I feel like Eileen was a fellow patient that Sam loved and could relate to. Maybe even one that he knew very young. One that loved popcorn and alligators and played games with him.

On Jack in the box: Putting Jack in a box is about not facing Sam/Jack's trauma and that this big story is just a fantasy. Letting Dean die and letting Cas die represent waking up. But the death of Jack or Sam represent death of the entire world/destiny etc. This is why I saw Jack-Sam is the self, and Cas and Dean's deaths are paths to accepting what happened in your life. Jack is the WHOLE self that worked through it all. Sam is the specific slice that repaired his relationship with his brother. ❤️

Maybe I'm not worth all this... We love you because you're you.

That's the most beautiful meaning of SPN. :D

#tw: suicide #15x20

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weabooweedwitch · 2 years

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You didn't say “i wish I lived in a country with free college and healthcare”. You said "I wish it wasn't so expensive to immigrate to a Nordic or Slavic country." You were glorifying a specific region, not a style of government. Otherwise nations like Canada, Australia or NZ would have been on your list. But you didn't say them, because you idolise nations that have "successful" (lol, barely) socialised systems that are only successful due to their homogeneity. PS. You're not old, you're 24.

Uh like I genuinely don't know what you're talking about honestly, and quite frankly you're jumping to some pretty large fucking conclusions? I constantly hear countries like Switzerland and Norway and Finland praised for things like paid sick leave, affordable housing, gender equality, free healthcare, and free college. Those are the countries I hear most often mentioned as having those qualities? I believe they're also all highly ranked on the world happiness scale? And you know what? I'll be honest enough to admit that I'm not personally involved enough or educated enough in the politics of those countries to know whatever recent political whatever they've been getting into. I'm literally just thinking of hypothetical scenarios where it would be easier for me to survive purely on the financial and workability scale. Currently I feel like I could work myself to death here in America and I'm already fucking physically disabled. Like its a legitimate terrified thought I constantly have. Constantly. It is genuinely destroying my mental health to think about how I live in a country where making an honest wage is next to impossible, where everyone has to have roommates, where if I work too many hours I don't get free healthcare but i HAVE to work all these hours to afford anything but it's also KILLING ME

But, i mean,, I guess I could always get into a more thorough explanation that I literally don't owe anyone if that would somehow relieve all this misdirected personal aggrievement?

Since Canada is close to the US I hear enough whispers of their own politics that I feel like it would be hard to live there. I've oersonally heard from friends that live there that there are high taxes and prices on utilities like electricity and hot water, and all the stories about how many indigenous first nations people "disappear" are uh pretty unappealing to me? Also haven't uh a lot of the recent Canadian prime ministers sort of been uhhhh pretty shit though

Australia is a country I've, and again I cannot stress enough that this entire idea was hypothetical, considered moving to, but I sunburn extremely easily, I hear the immigration process is particularly rough, and again another situation where there's a native population being constantly persecuted. I'm not saying I want to move to a bubble or that there's a country out there that's some magical fantasy land where hate doesn't exist but I'd like to live somewhere where like, at least there's not CONSTANT horrible stuff happening to people?

New Zealand was actually pretty high up on my list especially after how the prime minister handled the Christchurch massacre but, I just was seeing a lot of people online claim that they were from NZ and that it has an especially tough immigration program?

But I guess like what bothers me in the end is that, I was just shooting the shit on some hypothetical scenario and giving some vague details and it had to somehow become so personal? For no reason? Like literally, 5 minutes after the fact, I realized the person giving me shit literally just, saw my comment on a different political post, went to my blog until they found one of my posts, and then suddenly saunters out with this fake activist "oh you must secretly mean that in a racist way hur hur" ok bro whatever helps you feel more cool to your internet buddies

But also most importantly I was. Just making a quick post during my lunch break at my shitty retail job. Sorry I didn't like, write out an essay. Sorry I didn't like, take a moment to research a list of every single country that fits the criteria I'm looking for. Sorry I didn't post links and sources for my vent post about my country going down the tubes that I typed up in 3 minutes on a cell phone. Sorry I genuinely don't even give a fuck about this anymore

#god the performative wokeness cringe #anyways back to smoking weed and worrying about things that actually matter #also small gripe but im 25 turning 26 this year but thats on me. i apparently forgot to change my bio when my bday came last

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hospitalterrorizer · 6 months

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diary51

11/1-2/2023

wednesday - thursday

today sucked but that's okayyy.

not really but whatever. it's not because errands themselves were stressful. but first i should list off positives of the day, i made a guitar sound just now, it's crazy feedback freakshit, really cool to me, kind of really gets the pv stuff down too, which is mental. i recorded vocals and re-wrote lyrics for that song, and i'm sure i'll need to go back in, but it's huge to have that idea down and stuff.

anyways, today sucked because my gf's mom decided, while she and my gf were out together separate from me, me in the laundromat, laying into her about basically random bullshit, from me not having a job (i try! no one wants to hire me, there's huge gaps in my employment history, i can't act right in interviews or something i guess, sometimes i accidentally put "would prefer not to answer" for questions of gender on the questionnaire things, and it's apparently not something you're meant to do) and then getting into how we behaved on the trip, she believes for some reason that i think there is no war in israel when what i said to her, days ago in arizona, was that world war 3 is not going to start and china is not looking to invade america or use a nuclear weapon on us because one why would they start mutually assured destruction, unless they destroy america totally and just america (and what would they get?? no land, no resources, they are extracting all the capital they could want because they have beaten us at manufacturing and basically everything (we still have to see if they will achieve communism tho (i hope they do))), and two like i just said, they have beaten us industrially, america wants to stoke hate for china to start something because one: america is racist and evil and two: humiliated about not being number 1 (and all boomers are too thus the china is evil fantasy). i was also pro palestine and said that israel is obviously to blame here in every way, because they hold their people hostage essentially feeding these deaths to justify greater and greater strides towards genocide. in the car, she was agreeing with me, but she just does that. she also kept talking about how she had family who were in the military, and a husband too, and like wow who cares, the first place they test all the propaganda, where all the red scare cold war bullshit hit first, panic over those paper tigers that are kept to just destroy the world if we wanna. stupid. she also brought up multiple times that i am uneducated because i didn't get my degree because i could not justify going to school during covid virtually because i would be so bad at it and stuff, so she thinks i am like a stupid uneducated hick, something she loves to use against all kinds of people!!!!! she's so classist it honestly makes me sick.

she also brought up bill maher, and how disrespectful we were, and how she was so upset hearing us make jokes, and my gf asked if she thought i liked hearing him make bathroom gender jokes, and her mom was like "well he's just a man. it's a choice. he isn't one of them right." and a bunch of other shit, so my gf came in to tell me all this, she sees her telling me, and then she just calls my gf to say that if she's going to have a conversation then at least include her, and then she literally abandons us in the fucking laundromat for a while until my gf calls her, and during the call she begins ranting about bill maher again, and how he's making jokes for a different generation and how we don't understand, and also how i need to "pick a side, he's either transgender or not." and more stupid nonsense, but she at least comes to get us again. the whole rest of the day she acts like nothing happened, and that she isn't an abusive/manipulative bitch. my gf cursed her out during the first go around, and she was so pathetic, she acted like she was being abused and had to get away from her evil daughter defending her partner and getting upset her mother is literally a stupid and bad person who can't get over gentle banter over fucking bill maher. i can't believe he's developed into this great a problem in my life. he is a demon that looms in my existence now until i die, or he dies. not that i am wishing for his death (sincere, it feels awful to wish for people to die unless they are intensely rich demons like bezos who have so much funding behind them they are literally impervious to wishing (i think my superstitious sectors of my brain are over active in unfun ways that can rule my life sometimes but whatever (just washing my hands of intent and telling everyone my intent is perfect and good and i would never hurt anybody i am just nice and happy and not evil)))

it's so whatever, literally too stupid for earth.

this isn't even all the news of the day though, my gf's brother had a party last night, and he had a friend over who was on acid, coke, weed, and booze, and he had an ego death moment, obsessed over his own death a while, shit himself, ripped his clothes off, screamed, slammed his head into their mirror and broke the thing into one million pieces or whatever, climbed on the countertop of their kitchen totally naked, screamed about dying more, and ran out of the house to beat a cop up and steal his car and drive it 5 miles out into a car with 2 people in it. there is a video.

needless to say he is traumatized, his friend is in the trauma unit, the people he crashed into are in the trauma unit, no one is going to come out of this even half okay.

hearing that, and the thing with her mom insulting me behind my back (not new but it sucks and this is the worst it's ever gotten), today is kind of a stupid nightmare. but i feel okay basically. i was more pissed earlier and my gf left a drink in the laundromat, she mentioned it in the car ride to the grocery store, and i said "another one of today's disappointments" and her mom said something and we just said it had nothing to do with her, the statement. maybe that sucked of me. whatever, kind of. i don't like being mean but how else is she supposed to take the hint that she is being not a good or even likeable person when she acts like this, and is only being delusional when she believes she's in the right.

and i totally am grateful she drives us around to help us run our errands, she doesn't have to but, like, she does it because she thinks she's going to get payment from it some day, and she also does this because literally, i hate to bring it to him again, but she has fantasies of her daughter going on bill maher or cnn, and hoping her daughter would agree with anything she says in her head, she'd get to finally have her genius thoughts spat out in the most meaningless information streams the general public are exposed to, hoping her daughter will be an 'expert' that can be used by the media to bludgeon people with basically because they are wrong and she would, being her daughter and hopefully (but in actuality she disagrees with her entirely) agree with her, and prove that she, ******a, is right about everything. she would like to reduce her daughter that she has beaten, manipulated, called an accident, into a mouth piece and robs her of herself totally in her daydreams. a miserable excuse for a parent. i am grateful though. i try to like her. sometimes she is a very kind woman, or she makes the effort which counts i guess, but my gf is beyond ever being convinced that she really is nice, rightfully so, i'm just on my way there, i am going to lay down in a sea on the other end of some mountains and let the sea take me away, the wash whispering oh well a million times over.

some people only have ressentiment. that's how her mother is. the wasted life. she hates that i don't work because hard work is all that matters, she doesn't see the ways i work hard but all her hard work has given her is arthritis and misanthropy.

i should put some images here about this vague malaise.

yanase masamu - a length of capitalist's drool.

combatwoundedveteran - this is not an erect all-red neon body

mark mccoy - wound

hans bellmer - la poupee

ilona jurgiel (idk if she called this anything, striking though)

jean cocteau (tragically i do not know where this is from, making me feel stupid, but it strikes me right now as meaningful).

i don't know if these images connect at all really for anyone else but they are pretty things to adorn myself with, little resonant chimes that harmonize with right now distantly, or maybe in detuned 5ths, some kind of gamelan tonal array.

i always feel like anything where someone has their guts out though, re: mark mccoy + the cwv album cover.

anwayssssssssss ughhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhh:

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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missmonsters2 · 8 months

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Hi there! Here's Sharky. So, uh, I was coming back from the gym, right? and it might or might not have started raining, and so you see, I have the soul of a 5 year old, so of course I HAD to start splashing the littlke puddles of water everywhere and start jumping around like an idiot, which then took me to find little snails crossing the street in a place near my place (the redundance), and of course I had to help them cross the street, and of course I got home like an hour later and of course I got sick AJDKWADAJKJDAKJD. I was supposed to go out today with Charlie, and heAR ME OUT. I was GOING TO. I was excited about her surprise. So I put on a nice outfit, put a bunch of napkins in my backpack and waited for Charlie super excited and enthusiast for our day together! (and yeah, she knows where I live because she drove me here a few times JAWKEJA ISN'T THAT SWEET)

But alas, I almost fell asleep because I didn't sleep shit, started coughing and sneezing like a diabolo and Charlie GOT WORRIED AWEJKE. I told her that I wanted to go out with her anywauys, that I'm not even that sick, but she insisted that I shouldn't go out like this and ended up driving me to her plACE. YES YOU'RE READING RIGHT. And so here I am, cuddled in a blanket in her couch as we watch movies and stuff and we fangirl together. We started with scream, and now we're watching a few chapters of Harley Quinn and I'm having so much fun JDKAJEKAJWek.

She made mE TEA VAN. SHE MADE ME TEA. We ordered pizza and she invited me to spend all day here with her and I- Van I swear I might just have a stroke please she's so pretty and I'm enjoying this so much. She rubs my back everytime I cough and looks at me with that smile and I know I'm being a fucking simp but she'S SO PRETTY AND SWEET AND I CAN'T.

AND COCO. COCO. COCO IS THE MOST FUCKING ADORABLE DOGGO EVER. YOU GOT NO IDEA HOW SWEET HE IS. He's sleeping in my lap right now and Charlie just said that he adores me because he usually isn't near as affective with other people as he is wiTHM E AND I GOT THE APPROVAL OF THE DOG VAN. I GOT THE APPROVAL. I FEEL LIKE I WON IN LIFE VAN. I WON.

So yeah, I- God save me because she just went to the bathroom to do god knows what because it's been a while now and I'm a fucking disaster and if she hugs me one more time I might just die. But what a sweet death would that be KADJAWKLEJKJQWKE FUCK. Van, Van what am I going to do. AJDAKWJEKAWJEAJWEAEJWJK SHE'S SO CUTE.

-🦈

hi sharky!!

NOT YOU GETTING SICK FROM THE RAIN PLS. this is so kdrama of you, i respect your moves.

I love that she adapted her plans cuz you were sick and you got to watch some movies and shows!! Honestly sounds so comfort. Was the tea she made good LOL

You are literally living your best life. A pretty girl and a dog (which btw is it a chihuahua cuz—)

I hope you had a wonderful time and will get better soon so she can do her actual date idea with you LOL you are fr winning right now.

Usually i'm praying for people's downfall but since you are clearly a part of my cult, I am rooting for you and so happy <333333

#mm: answered #anon

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michu-writes · 2 years

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OK THIS HAS BEEN IN MY HEAD FOR SO LONG BUT MAIN 4 (SP) AND BUTTERS WITH A GHOST S/O THATS ATTACHED TO THEM (like,, if they go too far from them they start fading) AND WHEN THE S/O FINALLY HAS THE CHANCE TO MOVE ONTO THE AFTERLIFE THEY DECIDE TO STAY ?? TYSM ^^

A/N: I LOVE THIS SO MUCH WHAT?? I hope you like this, sorry for the wait!!! Btw this is not read proof because I’m too lazy so sorry if there’s any spelling mistakes and stuff-

Stan Marsh

• He never really thought he'd... Have a ghost as a s/o to say the least. He kept it a secret of course, and only really told Kyle. Stan knew that Cartman could NEVER hear about it, and you know why. As for Kenny, he'd just try to hook up with you too, it doesn't matter if you're a ghost.

• At first, he started to freak out the first time he saw you just appearing randomly in class beside him out of thin air. He thought he was just seeing things, you looked the same age as him, but he couldn't recognize you. So he just kinda ignored you. But when he realized you were actually a ghost, he wanted to know more about it. Like how you died, how it is to live as a ghost, etc.

• He was quite sad and shocked the way you died, he felt really bad for you even though he didn't really know you. But knowing that all your loved ones can't be around you anymore, that you can't really interact with the living anymore without freaking them out, that must be tough.

• Knowing that you have to stay near him or you'll fade, that could be a bit awkward at times. That means you basically have to be with him everywhere he goes, and literally EVERYWHERE. He was a bit annoyed by it sometimes, but grew used to it as time passed.

• And then sooner, you guys became friends, to good friends, to best friends, to eventually partners. Sure, he was unsure of the relationship, I mean a ghost dating a human? That's just... I dunno. But he doesn't care, and so don't you. He'd probably just run up to Kyle and be like "DUDE!!! IM DATING THAT GHOST NOW!" "What the fuck."

• But once walking home from school with you floating beside him, you came to tell him this awesome piece of information; "Stan! I'm finally able to move onto the afterlife!" you said excitingly, but almost disappointingly too for some reason. "Really? I'm happy for you, (y/n). You can finally escape from this hell hole, haha." He gave you a soft smile, which was a bit crooked of sadness. "....Yeah, I guess." Seeing that pouty look on your face, Stan asked what was wrong. When you said that you didn't wanna leave him, that you actually did want yo stay, he was so confused, but couldn't help but feel a bit fluttery inside. "What? Isn't it better to just go to the afterlife instead of being in a world where no one else than me can literally see you?" "Yeah, but I wanna be with you! I don't wanna leave without you, you're the first human I've interacted with after a long time, and I can't just throw it all away!" He was shocked and surprised, but really happy that you still wanted to stay with him. Honestly, everything would just go back to the shitty things like they always were without you, everything just has been way more interesting and fun now that you were here.

• He likes you a lot, and would do anything for you to not regret you decision.

Kyle Broflovski

• Imagine you were this one kid in class that no one really brought any attention of, like you were just invincible most of the time. People only knew you as quiet and weird kid of class. Though, one day you just disappeared. No one knew what happened, but then the news came. You died. How? They don't know, the school has kept your cause of death as a secret to not cause any harm for anyone, and that led for it to start a bunch of rumors about you. Saying that you died by accident, murder, hell even suicide. It was sick, Kyle thought it was sick on how people could just say that about a dead person. Sure, maybe some of it can be true, but it's still kinda fucked up.

• Then, there was this certain rumor that had everyone really spooked, even him. They said that those entering the class could feel your presence and hear your voice whispering to your ear quietly, they couldn't hear most of what you were saying, and that you were giggling and laughing. Though, it was just a dumb rumor, right? It's nothing too crazy.

• Yeah, no. He could literally see dark shadows of you everywhere and hear you whisper and everything what the rumor was saying. He thought he lost his mind. Everywhere he went, he could always feel you around him all the time. And when he finally got sick of it, he went off.

"Alright, (y/n). Just what the fuck are you doing!?" And no response.

"I know you're here, stop fucking around and let me fucking see you!" After still a few seconds of silence, he could see you slowly appear in front of him. He couldn't really recognize you at first, but it hit him eventually. The only thing that really changed was that your hair seemed to have grown a bit and that you look a lot more paler than usual, and that you're a ghost obviously.

• "Holy shit--!" "Yeah... Hello Kyle." He didn't know what to say, he didn't really expect you to come out. But there you are, standing right in front of him. So the rumors are true.

• He had so many questions after that too. He couldn't believe that you're a ghost. He thought he actually needed help. But it all passed eventually, and you became friends. When you said that you had to stay with him, that you're connected to him and can't who far away from or you'll fade, he thought it was hilarious but also kinda confusing and weird. Does that mean you have to watch him on the toilet and talk to his friends? Hell nah.

• But he felt really powerful around you, he could literally use it as an advantage to scare people off, especially Cartman. But of course, he really liked having you as a friend, you were actually fun to hang around with. He felt guilty for not ever having to talk to you when you were still alive, and that he just completely ignored you and literally just forgetting you were in the same class as him.

• But anyways, when you guys started to become closer and closer, he actually had a crush on you. A crush? On a ghost? That must've been the weirdest shit that ever happened to him. He'd talk to Kenny about this, and he'll be like "Woahhh. I mean they do kinda have a fat ass so I'm not really complaining." Then you scream at Kyle to punch Kenny in the nuts after that-

• But honestly, he knew a relationship with a ghost wouldn't work. Though it happened.

• It was a bit weird at first, but meh. It didn't really seem all that different to be fair.

• When you told him that you had the chance to move onto the afterlife, he got so sad. Do you really have to leave now? He'd do anything for you to stay, it was so fun to have you here. But then you say that you were still gonna stay with him? He couldn't help but let out happy squeals. He was so happy that you didn't leave, like he'd be nothing without you. He absolutely wouldn't like to not see you ever again, and he wishes that he could be there for you more back then.

Eric Cartman

• Since we're talking about Cartman, he'd be a total dick to you.

• Let's just take the same story as Kyle. He'd be the one who started the rumors.

• Would lay out pranks on you to make you fade away, but apologizes after it.

• Gotta admit that he'd be bummed that you have the opportunity to go to back to the afterlife, but acts like he doesn't care.

• This is all I got for him.

Kenny McCormick

• Gives the vibes of "Sex with a ghost" or whatever the song is.

• But anyways, imagine that you've met Kenny's ghost multiple times everytime he died, so he pretty much already knew who you are. You're also the only one who remembers his death, and he's happy about it. Just that you're a ghost...

• He definitely keeps it a secret between the two of you, that he can see you and such. He knows he would get picked on by Cartman and the others, and that they would probably not believe him either.

• Kenny probably doesn't even mind dying anymore, let alone being scared of it, because if he dies, that only means he can be closer to you as a ghost as well, but only for a day or two until he fkn respawns 💀. You're obviously worried and really shocked whenever you see him die, but yeah.

• Just like I said, he'll flirt with you even though you're a ghost. Oh, so you have to be close to him or else you'll fade away? That's just the best on his opinion. He'll be like "Close your eyes, I'm gonna strip naked right now." Or "Wanna see me pull out my 10 inch penis?" Like bro no-

• It's Kenny we're talking about though, not surprised tbh. But it does make you wanna punch him on the nuts if you were still alive.

• He's still very nice to you, it's only a tease.

• When it comes to the afterlife thingy, he doesn't care about your decision. Sure, he'd get sad if you left him, but afterlife is way better than staying here in the human world with him, so he wouldn't get mad or anything if you chose that instead of him. But when you did choose him, he was so happy and started to jump around and stuff. He thought he'd get lonely and skit without you, but now you're here to stay. Oh how much he wanted to hug you and toss you around, but can't-

Butters Stotch

• He'll be so scared of you the first time he saw you. Like he'll be running around and screaming like a chicken. He'd tell everybody about it, and Cartman would manipulate him into thinking that you're bad luck and it means that he'll die very soon because of being attatched to him. He'd get grounded by his parents too-

• But once you told him everything, he'll be like "Oh... I'm sorry, ghost. You know, Cartman is always messing around with me, so I'm sorry I thought that you were some kind of bad luck." And would probably ask to be your friend like 🥺

• Sometimes he forgets you're a ghost, and just starts talking really loudly whenever he's talking to you and everyone would look at weirdly, but he'd too busy talking to you to even notice. He's a really fun and talkative person, and he's really happy to have you here even whenever he's grounded.

• Butters would ask you anything about your past life, how you were, how you died, why you can't go to the afterlife, etc. He'd be really sad about you, considering the fact that you actually seemed like a friendly and nice person, he didn't want you to just pass in such a young age. Like that's just so sad. He'd even cry for you smh.

• But when he realized he had a crush on you, he'd immediately run over to the main four and ask for advice, completely forgetting that you were still there like "Oh lord.. What should I do, fellas? I can't date a ghost!" And Cartman would be like "Just go for it." And then secretly rip on him. And you'll just stand there behind him 🧍. Realizing you were there the whole time, he panicked and ran back home leaving the boys confused.

• That's how he met his ghost s/o <3.

• He'd start begging you to not leave him and come up with ideas quick when you tell him that you have the chance to move onto the afterlife, like he doesn't want you to leave. It was so much fun being around you, he was in the urge of tears, not letting you say a single word. You were the only friend who actually liked him. But when you did say you were gonna stay, he needed a lot of reassuring. He felt a bit guilty, but happy. He'll make sure that you're still loved even if you're a ghost, like no way is he wasting any other time. He admires you a lot, and he doesn't care if he gets bullied by it.

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sugarywishes · 2 years

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OKAY Y'ALL HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT

I got a swanky ass idea for a SB au (per the norm)

Say hello to,the "Glamrock Circus" AU!! 🎪🎉🤡

My ideas haven't quite been polished yet (I literally made up the concept like 2 minutes ago not even joking) but the basic synopsis is that Gregory comes across an advertisement poster for 'Fazbear Entertainment's Glamrock Circus!' and he just decides that 'well I guess I can hide out here' (cause,,,homeless) but he meets the glamrock animatronics (but now they're animatronic circus performers!) And he decides to join!

Vanny and Afton are gonna play a bigger role in this...somehow? Maybe Afton can be the corrupt ringmaster and Vanny his assistant?? Or something like that

But besides that here are the circus acts everyone has!

Gregory can fit into really small places like in canon (Probably thanks to malnourishment :( ) but I also have a few other hcs for him,like he's freakishly flexible and would probably be a good contortionist (maybe also an escape artist too? So that he could utilize both his skills??)

Chica is an acrobat! Or well,she does aerial tricks(?) She also does trapeze (is that the same as acrobatics??) And also probably a tightrope walker too (maybe she can do some sick gymnastics moves or like do a backflip at least 👀)

Roxanne does the more 'dangerous and thrilling' tricks,like the wall of death and maybe even being a 'human' cannonball? (She could also maybeee do trapeze too?? Chica need a partner for her acts so obviously her girlfriend will help her)

Monty is a strongman. Sorry that's all I've got for our beloved red neck gator 💔 (if you get that reference I will give you a virtual pat on the back) but if you guys have any ideas for the lad then I'm open to hear!

I have...no idea what to do for Freddy,I was also thinking strongman too but I kinda also want him to a magician (cause those are cool I guess??) So he's undecided for now

Sunrise and Moondrop! They're both clowns,which means they have more tricks to do than everyone else. Both of them can do puppetry and juggling but separately...

Sun does the G-rated acts,basic juggling with just plastic balls and stuff as to not hurt anyone with,and he does a lot of 'goofy gags' to make kids laugh (like telling stupid jokes with his puppet shows or making balloon animals for them!) The most dangerous act they do however is fire performing! (Like fire dancing,fire breathing etc) Literally just because they're the 'sun' lmao,he doesn't do it near the kids though cause he doesn't want to scare them 🤧

Moon does more 'scarier' stuff,like yes he does puppet shows and juggles but he juggles with knifes and other dangerous objects instead. (He juggled with a few live grenades one time,to which then Fazbear Entertainment freaked out and disposed of them in an unknown location...) He's also a knife thrower! Which scares the absolute fuck outta the kids,but the company still let's him do it because the adults think its neat

Also kind of off topic but not sure if I wanna make Sun and Moon in the same body,conjoined twins or two separate performing robots,curse me and my indecisiveness

And finally,Afton and Vanny. Not sure what iteration of Afton will be in this AU (William? Springtrap?? Glitchtrap??? Who knows man) but he's in charge and he's mean about it,he didn't want Gregory in the circus to begin with,that is until he realized that he could use him,he probably gets Gregory to pickpocket a ton of guests for extra cash 'For the good of our circus!' And the type of mf to emotionally abuse him so he can keep using him 'Why do you think your family isn't with you Gregory? They left you because you were nothing,but I found worth in you,I could've thrown you back onto the streets but I give you shelter and a job,and you response by acting ungrateful? Go ahead,leave and stay starving and cold in a box,I won't go anywhere.' And for Vanny,probably also kind of an asshat at the start until ahe realizes that Afton is a bitchass motherfucker who pissed on her fucking wife!! Again I haven't fully fleshed them out yet so still a WIP

That's all I have so far,I want to add Music Man into the mix but I don't know what to do with him 😔

I'm also adding Vanessa in this AU (as a SEPERATE CHARACTER FROM VANNY,thank you very much!) And perhaps a few ocs,they're not gonna be major characters so don't worry,they'll probably be the bratty kids who hassle the performers and maybe bully Greg by calling him a freakshow or something like that,just wait until I can get some art out 😳

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sery-chan-13 · 3 years

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[Help]

Niragi Suguru × Reader

^ song that describes how I feel everyday. Also 'Forever Alone Probably by Leanna Firestone'

Hi, welcome to a completely self indulgent vent chapter!

A little back story for this, I've never had a boyfriend, never had my first kiss, never been on a date. All that good stuff. And I can't tell the difference between platonic feelings and romantic feelings. So I thought I was actually starting to like this guy more than friends. He flirted with me, and you know made me think that he liked me romantically too. Well, news flash he has a date with a girl today, he sent me a picture of them holding hands at a picnic, and of course I'm so happy that he's finding happiness, but I wish he hadn't lead me on. Because now it feels like there a hole in my heart, but I still don't know if I felt romantic feelings or platonic feelings. It hurts, but I wonder if it hurts because I want to be the girl holding his hand or if it was because he didn't tell me, even though we're friends and I've told him almost everything. I don't know, so here you go-

Feelings were always hard for you. Having a hard time differentiating if you loved someone or just liked them was extremely difficult.

But Niragi didn't mind.

"Here... I um... got these for you. You said they were your favorites, I saw them, and uh.... thought of you," he said awkwardly handing you the small bunch of flowers. Your eyes lit up, and you hugged him. "Thank you! They're so beautiful!" You exclaimed. "Yeah... that's why they reminded me of you. Other than they're your favorites," he said with a sheepish smile.

"Because they're pretty?"

"And you're beautiful."

___________

"Mmm... Suguru.... my stomach feels weird," you mentioned holding your arms over it, looking over at him. "How so? Are you getting sick?" He asked, pressing the back of his hand to your forehead in worry. "No no no! It feels like bugs are crawling in there, and butterflies are flapping their wings," you explained. "Oh. That's literally called butterflies (N/N). It means you like someone," he teased. Although it hurt him that the 'someone' wasn't him, he was happy for you. "Oh. Is that why I feel them around you? I like you," you responded nonchalantly. He blushed, looking at you. "You... like me?" He asked. "Of course I do! You're my best friend," you said, snuggling into him.

Ouch.

___________

"So.... Mr. (L/N)... um, have you noticed (Y/N) doesn't.... feel? Correctly," Niragi brought up. Your father looked at the young boy, and nodded. "So you've noticed?" You father questioned. "Yeah... she doesn't know the difference between platonic and romantic love it seems," Niragi said. Your father nodded, sitting in the chair across from Niragi. "She never has. Back in primary and secondary school, I'm sure you didn't notice, but she used to get flowers and confessions from boys who liked her, but of course, she thought of it as a friendship feeling. So... she doesn't understand the difference. I think it's been frustrating her more now,'' your father told him.

_______

You cried into Niragi's chest, holding onto him tightly. "I-it feels like there's a hole in my heart, and i-i don't know why! It hurts Suguru, help!" You sobbed, your fingers digging into his jacket. He held you running his hands over your hair. "(N/N), breathe.... calm down first, alright?" He said softly. You hiccuped and sniffled, but nodded nonetheless.

When you had finally calmed down a bit, Niragi handed you a teacup. "I guessed which one you liked. Hope it's to your liking?" He smiled. You took a sip, the hot liquid filing your mouth. You nodded, and frowned. "What's wrong?" He asked. "Fix it," you murmured. "What?"

"Fix it," you repeated, pointing at your chest where your heart would be. He looked at you with a look of curiosity and sadness. "Things like that... can't be fixed over night. (Y/N), why does it hurt?" He asked. "I dunno... I saw you talking with that girl, and holding hands... I didn't know you had a girlfriend Suguru," you whispered. "I... I was going to tell you, but I just haven't had the time, I'm so sorry," he rambled, reaching a hand out to you. You softly pushed it back. "I don't think she'd appreciate you touching me," you whispered. It hurt. You didn't know why it hurt. You liked Niragi as a friend, didn't you? That was it. You were just upset he didn't tell you about the girl. He hadn't even told you about his feelings for her. That was why you were upset.

______

You sat besides him, the hotel room walls seeming like home at this point. It had been after a game, and even though neither of you had been in any near death experience tonight, it felt as if you had. It was a sad feeling. You felt as if it was your fault. Niragi had been feeling down recently, and of course you blamed yourself. You didn't know how to regulate your kindness and how much was too much. You didn't want to lead anyone on. You felt like that's what you'd done to him. "Suguru... I'm sorry I can't understand feelings correctly," you whispered.

Of course you were aware of the problem now. It had quickly become your biggest insecurity. Your biggest problem. And since you were hyper aware of it, it made you second guess every action people had towards you. You also seemed like a rude person, but it was only because you didn't want to accidentally lead someone on.

"It's alright. It's not your fault," he said back. Your hand inched towards his, enveloping it tightly. "It's not... I know I like you. I know it. But do I like you in the way friends do, or do I want more? It's frustrating for me to not know what I'm feeling Suguru," you whimpered. "Well... I've always been here. I've always tried to understand for you, and help you. But... how can I help you if you don't even know what you feel for me? I know what I feel for you, but I damn it (Y/N) I'm not getting hurt because you don't know," he stated. "It wouldn't be fucking fair to you. And I know that. I don't want you to be my fucking experiment. I- i.... I love you too much for that," you whispered. "Don't say words you don't know if you mean," he repremanded.

"But I do-"

"Fuck... fuck! No you don't! That's the problem! I've loved you for years! And I know I have! But you don't know what the word means damn it! Don't say things you don't fucking mean!" He shouted, screwing his eyes shut. His grip on your hand tightened. Tears filled your eyes. "B-but I think I do! Please... please help me... Suguru. It hurts not knowing. Can I explain what I feel? And you help me, please I just want to know," you whimpered as tears fell down your face. A nod was all you got from him.

"There's butterflies in my stomach whenever you touch me. Or talk to me. I always want to be around you. My body feels hot whenever you're around me and touching me. My brain feels foggy when you smile. My face feels hot when you compliment me. I find you attractive, and find myself nitpicking myself because the girls you look at look nothing like me," you explained. "Is... is that how you feel around me?" You asked.

You didn't get a response and looked over.

"That's... that's love. That's what it feels like," he whispered, a small smile building. A smile stretched across your face, before tackling him into the bed. "I can say it then?" You asked, looking into his dark eyes. "... Yeah. You can," he said.

"I... I love you Suguru!"

"I've been wanting to hear that... since we were kids, (Y/N)... Thank you... I love you too. So much."

It's big sad hours. Anyways, I'm still working on a few requests, and a new chapter for '100 Promises'. Your love and support since I've started these books/stories has been... so amazing. I want to thank you all for every like, vote, comment, and follow. Thank you♡

#alice in borderland #niragi #×reader #spotify #fluff #angst #im sad

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trafalgaylaw · 3 years

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Hey there.

First of all, I'm sorry I've haven't been here in ages. A lot has happened. So I'd like to apologise in advance for the rant that's coming, but somehow, this is the safest place for me to get everything out of my system. Feel free to ignore and hide this post, there is no pressure on you to respond, I'm not looking for interactions specifically, I just need an outlet. Some stuff may be triggering, but there'll be warnings here and in the tags, don't worry about that. I'm embarrassed, I was absent for several months and I don't even come back with a OP related post.

Without further ado, trigger warnings: cancer, death

Some of you may already know that I lost my Mom to cancer 5 years ago. Well, back in May of this year, I lost my dad to a cancer as well. I thought it was going to be the same all over again. Boy, was I wrong. Sure, there were a lot of similarities, but mostly major differences. Mom had no chance of survival, we knew from the start. She got into treatment against her will because my sister-in-law was pregnant and she was afraid that if my Mom died before she gave birth she might lose the baby... My Mom's will was never taken into consideration. She didn't want to fight windmills, she didn't have any regret and she was okay with the idea of dying.

For my dad, it was the total opposite. He wanted to live so bad, he didn't want to die and wanted to try absolutely everything. His survival chances were anywhere between 4 months and 5 years, we were on rollercoasters, treatments working and then not working anymore, promises of experimental treatments only to be told 3 months later that they couldn't get his full genetic profile and couldn't be sure if he could undergo the treatment. It happened 3 times. He wanted to try a last chemo but the doctors denied him it because he was already too weak to take it.

The other main difference, is that Mom's cancer didn't change her personality, but it did change my dad's. The problem is, except for my fiancé who noticed as well, no one believed me. I don't want to know if they were in denial or if he specifically changed his attitude towards me but I think the latter is more likely as I was the only one he lied to about the epilepsy.

When Mom was sick, I was incredibly surrounded and got flooded by support when she passed.

The moment dad got sick, I started getting blamed and questioned for almost everything, and I'm still receiving comments now. I got blamed for:

- not being there while my dad, who lived over 900km (convert in miles yourself weirdos, I'm french, we do metric system round here) away from me and didn't want my physical presence anyway, was having seizures, that he hid from me

- the fact that my dad chose to lie to me about his state (somehow my fault apparently)

- the fact that my brain put me in autopilot mode in the first weeks following his death to protect me and take care of all the immediate responsibilities as I was getting practically no help

- not holding a funeral while 80% of his close relatives literally said to me "if you do something I won't come"

- collapsing after 2 months

I'm being told to move on. I'm being told to force myself to feel happy. In the 5 years my Mom has been dead, I've never been told to "move on". All the guilt tripping lead me to feel ashamed of my grief and unauthorised to talk about it. They've taken the trust away from me. It's like I'm not allowed to remember him. I can't even look at pictures of him anymore, I just can't. And it makes me feel so sad. You would expect compassion and all you get is criticism. While I'm crying about losing my last pillar, all people hear is "there's no experimented adult left to protect her" and that is terrifying. I'm scared of almost everyone and not sure anymore who is safe to talk to. I'm afraid that if I talk about it, people will try to take advantage of my situation. Is because people think I'm an adult and don't need parents anymore? Is the difference of support I got because of patriarchy in the way we view mothers and fathers? Is it because I'm 25 and people's attitude change towards you at that age because they begin to expect specific things from you and call it your "quarter life crisis" to create a diversion about their peer pressuring? Is people's lack of compassion because they think he "provoked" it by smoking most of his life? Is it a combo of all this?

#tw death #tw cancer #not op related #personal #btw if u didn't know i'm bipolar #and currently in a depressive episode

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mynameisminhooooo · 4 years

Text

They get to spend all of quarantine with their s/o (Monsta X)

Request : Hi!! Could you do an exo and/or Monsta x reaction to getting to spend all of quarantine with you?

Sorry I put in bullet points bc it's felt like it made more sense? Sorry if you didn't like that. I also included what y'all would do. Bc why not¿

Shownu :

Omg this precious little bear was beyond excited to spend quarantine

Like as soon as his manager said plans were cancelled until further notice he ran out of the practice room

"Y/n I'm staying with you during quarantine..."

"Oh. Aight"

Your guy's quarantine consisted of laying in bed from the moment you woke up till 4 pm

As well as making a lot of food

And taking baths bc social distancing who?

Leads to other things 34% if the time, bc why not??

And of course singing together and him teaching you how to dance to all the songs

Cooking with this dude, where do I start

100% chance of making a mess

Would knock over bowls of side dishes while trying to grab a towel to wipe his hands

Just smiled at you when the food is all over the ground

Talking to the other members over the phone during dinner so it was like you guys were all eating together

Taking food to the other members and leaving it on the doorstep

One time they came outside before he was able to run back to the car and he was convinced he was contaminated

You had to spray him with Lysol to make him feel better

Him just being a whole lil bear the whole time

You guys would go on walks when you'd feel couped up too much

Y'all would be that extremely cute ass couple during quarantine

"I'm so glad I got to spend my quarantine with you" he'd say while kissing your forehead

"I love you y/n"

"I love me too, but your cool too"

"That's not funny" cue pout

Wonho :

Would literally be so happy to spend time with you

Hasn't seen you in like 2 weeks because of his rigorous schedule

When he finally gets to you're guy's apartment he'd just drop all his stuff and run to you, wrapping you in the biggest hug

You guys would eat until you couldn't breath

Ordering take out everyday sometimes for all 3 meals

You guys would take an online art class because why not

Video chatting his family and ofc the members to make sure everyone was well and healthy

Calling his mom 3 times a day

Would be the person who stocks up on toilet paper

Disinfecting everything every morning

Singing karaoke every day after dinner

Doing workouts in the living room because you guys gained weight and he wanted to watch his gorgeous figure

You'd help him write lyrics

You guys would try to be productive and do fun things like read at least once every other day

He'd be so happy to spend time with you like omg

Would literally cry when he looked at you sometimes bc he just loves you that much

Your guy's favorite things to do was lay in bed in each other's arms

"I wish we could stay like this forever, I love you so much y/n"

"I love you too, but can you let me go I have to pee really bad"

Your guy's quarantine would honestly be so fun

Minhyuk :

Would honestly act like he didn't want to spend time with you

"I guess I'm stuck with you"

\(-_-)/

"Your so lucky to have me, huh because I bought food"

Supports every small business and buys from all of them so they'd keep going

"I'll have 3 jars of kimchi, 2 bowls of kimchi jjigae, just give me half of everything"

"Minhyuk where are we gonna put all this the fridge is full"

Gives almost all the food to his family and the members

Buys like 2,264 board games

"Hey, you wanna play Monopoly I'll let you win"

Once again \(-_-)/

Fights about the dumbest thing

"I wanted to buy boardwalk!"

Throws your character off the board

Another person who stocks up, but he bought all the ramen

Your guy's quarantine would be so unproductive honestly

Like you guys just sit around playing board games

Listening to music all day everyday

Going for walks when the sun went down

If he sees an animal on the street he is bringing it home for "safety reasons"

"Look y/n this poor pigeon was left on the street"

Did I mention \(-_-)/

"Minhyuk... It's a pigeon"

Dancing throughout the house

He broke the TV while doing a twirl

Blames it on the pigeon, who you guys have name Piggy

Trying on each others clothes

But at the end of the day he'd be so happy he could spend his quarantine with you and Piggy

"I guess your ok to spend time with..."

Kihyun :

He would be so happy to spend time with you

Would be the most precatious person

"Put on gloves y/n"

"I'm changing the channel..."

Would 10/10 spray down everything before you guys touch it

You guys baked a lot during quarantine

Burning almost everything

Would try to make jokes the whole time

They were not good...

He would try to teach you how to hit the highest notes

Him almost breaking the window

Singing together while reading

Would call every member every day to see how they were doing

You guys would try gardening together because you guys got bored

10/10 the type of dude to telling everyone to buy from small business

If he saw anyone in the street outside the window, he'd yell at them

"Get inside!"

"Do you want to die?!"

You guys would people watch

You guys tried everything possible to pass boredom

Yoga, Singing, Staring Contests

If you got sick would literally call an ambulance

"They want to know if you have a fever, are experiencing lethargy, or have a cough?"

"Kihyun I just have a stomach ache"

Would be so relieved when he just found out it was just gas

He would not let you leave the house

"I really care about you, I cant risk you getting sick"

"You do knows there is a 3% chance of death right"

"But I wouldn't be able to see you"

Wow, whatta man

Hyungwon :

He honestly would be one of those ppl who didn't take it very very serious

"You wanna go to the park?"

"We can barely leave our house to get food?!"

"Ok, loser"

Was happy to spend time with you, but he wanted to actually do things with you like go to dinner

He just wanted to spend quality time with you

You guys would just lay in each other's arms everyday watching TV

Blinds closed letting no light in

The members would call you guys because after 3 days of nothing they were worried

"Oh we're fine, we've just been eating, sleeping and watching TV"

You guys would watch watch every variety show they have been on

You guys would try dying your hair by yourselves

"Wow y/n this blue is really nice"

"Blue it was supposed to be lilac"

How???

Shopping online for everything, food, clothes, furniture

"Y/n we need a new couch I just bought one"

\(-_-)/

You guys got erasable markers and literally drew on the wall

But they did not come off...

He would be kind of sad that he couldn't take you anywhere

But being the cutie he is he'd find ways to do cute date ideas at home

Jooheon :

"Guess what I'm coming home for quarantine!!!!"

Literally couldn't wait to hold you in his arms

Would cry when he came home, because he gets to spend time with you for who knows how long

You guys just hold each other and cry

Would follow you everywhere

If you went to get the mail he'd go with, if you needed to run to the store to get food, he's right by you

"Why is the door locked??? Y/n, you alive? Did corona get you???"

"Don't break the door down! I'm taking a bath"

"Ohhh, let me in!"

This little jerk picked the lock

You guys just sat in the tub for like 3 hours talking about what you should do during quarantine

Things you would do together during quarantine include sitting in the tub for 3 hours everyday

Calling his sister every day so he could talk to his cute niece

He would teach you all his rap parts from every song he could

You guys would send the members a goodie package every week with food and toiletries

Because he worried about them

You guys would take online dance class

Because why not???

Tango, Rumba, Foxtrot, Meringue

He would enjoy every minute with you

You're guys little vacation came to a halt when he fractured his fibula after falling down the stairs

He felt bad that you had to take care of him

But he was so grateful to have you by his side to help him

"Y/n you don't have to get up I can go to the kitchen to get a fork"

Could barely get off the couch

"Just please sit hear"

"So like you wanna bang?"

"No, I want you to get better"

After he got injured he just got so sad that he couldn't do anything with you really anymore

"I love you y/n"

"I love you too"

I.M :

He already was used to seeing you basically everyday

The only difference was you guys got to stay home

You guys didn't even have to change your schedule

He was grateful that he was able to wake up to you every morning tho

"Good morning, cutie"

"Why are you so close??"

Would be so nice the entire quarantine

Need him to wash your hair, just yell for him

Need something off the top shelf

He got it covered

There would be days where you guys just laid in bed the whole day though

You had online school throughout this time

"Y/n hang out with me!¡!¡"

"I'm doing homework for my English class"

"But I'm cuter than English class"

*insert pouty face*

Would try to get in your pants every other hour

You'd let him because ofc

"No, not now Changkyunnie..."

"Yes, now... Pleaseeeeee"

All the members would worry about you because you guys were the youngest and they thought you wouldn't take this seriously

Y'all did though, you only left the house for food

"Y/n am I cute?"

"No, now go to sleep"

"But I love you and I miss you"

"I'm right next to you and it's 3 am"

Bro. Idk why but this drained me I'm gonna write the exo one different bc I literally ran out of ideas of what to do doing quarantine.

#monsta x #monsta x wonho #monsta x shownu #monsta x jooheon #monsta x i.m #monsta x kihyun #monsta x minhyuk #monsta x hyungwon #chae hyungwon #lee jooheon #yoo kihyun #lee minhyuk #lim changkyun #im changkyun #son hyunwoo #shin hoseok #shin wonho #monsta x reaction #kpop reaction

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