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smallblueandloud · 4 years

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1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

#loudwithlaughter #sb and l rambles #sb and l answers #sb and l is writing #thank you for sending this in!!!!!#now for literally All The Tags lmao #aos ds9 au #verse: fitzskimmons thingy #fic: you're a candle in the window #verse: and it's golden #mcu ideas #tgp ideas #st ideas #fic: help me hold on to you #fic: on that bumpy road to love #jesus CHRIST that was a lot of tags #okay okay i'm pressing post now #this was such a delight thank you SO much for sending it!#the steven roadtrip of self discovery fic

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stilinskis-24 · 4 years

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Carry On

jesus fucking christ.. here we go. I can’t believe it’s done.

This is gonna be such an incoherent blathering of thoughts because I've just finished the episode and I'm reeling. Also disclaimer, I haven't seen the retrospective, I’ve only seen the episode so I won’t be mentioning that etc.

SPOILERS FOR SUPERNATURAL S15 and 15x20 UNDER CUT

where do I even begin? this is a show I have watched for 7 years of my life and I have had my fair share of ups and downs with it, and this finale is no different. Let’s start with my biggest thing shall we... Dean’s death (and boy does that feel weird to type)

So, I thought the actual death scene, of the emotional farewell was absolutely beautiful. I have always maintained that if only one of them was going to be left standing, it should be Sam. That may seem strange coming from a 100% Dean person but I stand by it because I think the most poignant ending would be to have given the boys what they wanted. For Dean, that was to be at peace, to go out in a blaze of glory, dying young on a hunt. For Sam, that was to grow old, have a family and live a normal life. For me, the only way of splitting them up was to give them this ending, so even though I am a Dean person I am not mad at this at all. I sobbed at the ‘tell me it’s okay’ because it meant so much. Dean needed Sam to say it was okay both as a promise that he wouldn’t do anything stupid to try and get Dean back but also as permission for Dean to stop carrying him, to let go of his responsibilities. That goodbye held everything it needed to, they said what they needed to say and there was finally a sense of contentment with Dean that we haven’t seen before.

That being said, I expected it to be a little more of a blaze of glory. Going out whilst hunting was one thing, but I expected it to be a little more of a triumphant all-guns-blazing heroic last hurrah rather than one vampire getting the jump on him. And I suppose maybe that’s the point, that it could have happened at any time with any vamp and this is the time he chose to let go. But that doesn’t mean that I’m okay with it - I was just hoping for like a grenade launcher, explosion type of blaze

What I will say, because this ending was more an epilogue and they didn’t have the end coincide with the end of the s15 storyline, this episode felt so fast. There was hardly enough time to go into any aspect in detail and it felt like a haze in some respects.

I loved the touch of Sam naming his kid Dean, that well and truly got me, and the mirroring of young Dean then telling Sam it was okay to go, especially with the hint that young Dean may also be a hunter or at least aware of the threat. I was gutted that Sam wasn’t with Eileen and that we didn’t see any of our beloved characters return after 15x19 (other than the mention of Donna). That mention of Donna suggests that they did all make it back when Jack took over but Sam didn’t seek out Eileen? It seemed really odd to me. I love the restructuring of heaven by Jack (and Cas but we’ll get to that in a minute). And I loved that Dean found Bobby in heaven before John and Mary, Bobby was the most influential adult in Dean’s life and they both deserved that reunion more than anything. The use of Kansas’ original Carry On Wayward Son (and Dean loving it) into the softer yet somehow grittier cover was so fucking good but the episode not starting with the road so far killed me a little. Having Sam and Dean in their original pilot episode outfits also got me in the heart area. Also the dog was fucking adorable, big fan of the dog

But finally.. on to the big one... Cas.

I have never, never felt so sorry for someone as I do for Misha Collins. He was fucking rinsed by the writers to a level I have never seen before. Castiel has been an integral part of this show for 11 goddamn years; he was a fan favourite, one third of team free will, and the writers tried to kill him off on more than one occasion and it wouldn’t stick because the fans fought for him. To not have him in the finale, or even the end of the s15 storyline, was such a huge fucking disservice to both Misha and the character of Cas. As much as I understood the need for Cas to be taken by the empty (at some point) and his confession to dean was beautifully done, to then have him not be there for Dean fucking Winchester’s death AND for no one to mention the love confession was ridiculous. How can you emphasis so many times how our Cas was different to every other version, how he was the spanner in the works that God didn’t plan for, and then not have him there for the end??? He deserved to hear Dean tell him he loved him (in quite frankly any capacity) and he deserved to be there at the end. AND THEN to have one measly throwaway line about Cas helping Jack with heaven and have Dean NOT IMMEDIATELY GO AND TRY TO LOOK FOR HIM was all kinds of wrong. How can you so casually mention him and not just put him on screen?? As soon as Dean got to heaven and we still had like 15 minutes left I (cause I’m a clown) had so much hope that there was gonna be this grand reunion with Cas. And I’m so gutted because I was much more pleasantly surprised with everything else than I thought I was going to be but I can’t fully enjoy the ending because they’ve done Misha and Cas so dirty.

But even after all that.. I still cannot deny that Dean Winchester will probably forever be my favourite fictional character of all time and I am so sad to let him go.

TL:DR: Dean and Sam got the ending they needed but Cas was once again fucked by the writers, I’m mad about it and also a clown

fucking christ.

#ramble on #me #there might be more later #supernatural #spn s15 #supernatural spoilers #s15 spoilers #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #spoilers #15x20 #Carry on #I can't believe this era of my life is over

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pathetic-has-been-rockstar · 3 years

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The ghost of Christmas present

Pairing: Crowley x reader, Dean x Castiel, Sam x Eileen

Written for: @spnchristmasbingo

Square filled: Christmas tree

Warnings: none

Summary: You finally join the boys for the holidays, with Crowley shadowing you. Dean decides to show Jack another sliver of the Christmas experience, and brings him to cut down the Christmas tree for the bunker. You and Crowley are supposed to look for the decorations, while Sam and Eileen bake some Christmas treats. The plan is destined to change drastically when someone unexpected shows up at the bunker.

Words: 3577

Beta: @raspberrymama (make sure to check her works!)

my work can be found on AO3, here! If you’re interested in the whole series, you just have to click here!

When you finally make it to the bunker and kill the engine, the sun is already setting. You pull the handbrake and look at the last rays of sunlight playing between the branches of the trees, taking a deep breath before opening your car door and letting the cold air hit you.

It's been a long trip, mostly because of the slow traffic, and you are happy about the company Crowley provided. You weren't expecting him to join you, you didn't suspect that bickering with someone could make the road seem shorter, and yet it worked. He comes out from the car, fixes his peacoat and looks at you, grinning.

“See? I told you we'd make it before sunset.”

“Consider this: if you say I told you so another time, I'm stabbing you.”

“You would never kill me.”

“I never said I'd kill you. In fact, I can freely stab you without killing you. Must have a knife somewhere around here...” you answer, rolling your eyes.

You're taking your bag from the trunk of your car when the Impala comes out from the bunker's garage. The car stops and Dean and Jack walk out.

“What's he doing here?” Dean barks, hinting at the demon. You shrug.

“Hello, Dean. I'm happy to see you, too. Two days on the road are so worth this warm welcome.”

Jack giggles at Dean's expression and comes to greet you with a proper hug, to which you happily respond. You really like this new side of the kid. Physical affection always seemed somehow taboo around the boys, but thankfully it looks like you can add that to the list of things changing.

Crowley waves a hand at Jack, who doesn't get the hint and hugs him anyway, even if he draws back pretty quickly. Crowley doesn't seem happy about it, but he just smooths his coat with a vaguely disapproving look.

A pretty amused Dean finally imitates Jack and briefly squeezes you in a quick hug. He just shoots a cold glance at Crowley, who smiles at him, obviously very pleased with his retained ability to ruffle Dean's feathers. Speaking of which...

“Aren't you an angel short, Squirrel?”

“Cas is going to be back tonight, I think. Sam and Eileen are inside, hunkered down in the kitchen making... sweets, and maybe something else. Just... just make yourself heard when you walk in.”

You laugh at Dean's expression, easily guessing what's prompting this advice. The mention of Castiel made him a bit uneasy, so you grace him with a change of subject.

“What's with the lumberjack gear?” you ask, pointing at the axe laying on the backseat of the Impala.

Dean seems extremely grateful about the chance you offered him, and quickly takes advantage of it. “Oh, I'm teaching Jack how to pick a Christmas tree! I haven't done it in a million years.”

“You've done it before?”

“Yeah, years ago. I worked in one of those Christmas villages. I cut down trees, found hidden spots with the sexy ladies... fun times!”

You ignore the poorly hidden bragging attempt in favour of the easy mocking “... please, tell me you were dressed as an overgrown elf and had to wear a hat with little bells and stuff.”

“... I only had to wear a hat, but thanks for picking this up. You'll love the Christmas picture.”

You look for answers right away. That hadn't been mentioned in any of the calls or texts. “Christmas picture? What Christmas picture?”

“Ask Sammy, it was his idea!” Dean literally drags Jack over to the Impala, and waves a hand at you and Crowley, pretending not to hear your protests. You shake your head, more convinced than ever that they came up with something terrible and ridiculous that will haunt you for years to come. You grab your bag and walk inside the bunker, with Crowley right behind you.

“Well, it surely looks better when you're not dragged inside in chains.” he casually muses.

“... I wouldn't know, I lack the chained perspective.”

“We could easily fix that, if you'd like.”

You thank the fact that he can see only your shoulders, since you can feel your cheeks heating up. You know he's always been a flirty bastard, but since he's back he's been... relentless. Boredom makes him even more explicit, and definitely more careful about where he swings his punches... and you surely are an easy target. You doubt he's interested in you, also given your night shared in perfect innocence, but this doesn't mean that you're not still gloating about the way you woke up that morning.

You call for Sam and see him coming out from the kitchen wearing an apron, half covered in flour, and with something that looks like powdered sugar in his hair. You laugh and dodge his hug, but he grabs you anyway. While you try to wiggle free of him, you see Eileen coming out of the kitchen.

She signs a swift arch from her temple, smiling. “Hello!”

You finally break free of Sam, now covered in whatever was on his apron, and walk to Eileen, replicating her gesture. You hug her, as well, and you notice that she's definitely cleaner than Sam.

“... what happened there?”

“Uh... Christmas magic?” Sam tries. Eileen, calling him out, taps her palm with her other hand and rolls it over, then signs a small square. The sign for “kitchen” is immediately followed by a quick touch on her chin with a closed hand and both her indexes pointing down, “accident”.

You laugh and Sam tilts his head, bemused.

“You know ASL?”

“Just a few words, and believe me, accident is one of those I've learnt first.”

“... what about kitchen?”

“I always need to know where I can find the food, Sam. Always”, you reply with a very serious face, a second before cracking up. Just then Sam seems to notice Crowley.

“What are you doing here?”

Crowley rolls his eyes, annoyed. “Oh, yes. I can definitely tell you and Squirrel are related, you know? She needed a co-pilot, so I volunteered. I planned on leaving, but since it looks like you and your brother are equally upset by this... I'm staying.”

“Oh, no. Not...”

Eileen tugs firmly at the sleeve of his shirt, and Sam sighs, then shrugs. He looks at you, trying to ignore the smug look of Crowley.

“Fine. Whatever. Uh... we still have something to do here, can you go and take the decorations for the tree?”

“Yeah, sure. I'll set my stuff down and go... where?”

“Basement, right after the dungeon. In case you want to throw him in there, you're welcome.”

You roll your eyes and chuckle, but Crowley doesn't seem particularly amused by Sam's innuendo. He bows lightly his head at Eileen, and follows you in your room. You pass the door, and go to take the furthest one, causing him to question you.

“Didn't you sleep in there?”

“Yes. Before.”

“Before what?”

You walk inside your new room, smiling. “Before Sam and Eileen, and before Dean and Castiel” you answer, leaving down your bag and walking to the small sink to wash your face.

“Dean and Castiel?” Crowley is forced to ask, but he's distracted. You're taking away your scarf and coat, and the thing is absorbing a considerable portion of his attention. He bites his lip, narrowing his eyes on you and following even your smallest movement.

You move your hand in a “so and so” gesture, completely oblivious of what's going on with him. “Not yet, but soon. Very soon, if Christmas magic works.”

Crowley grins, far too happy about the excuse you just provided him. “I can't miss this. I'm staying, for sure.”

You shrug, wash your face and dry it off with a clean towel, then turn to him. “Fine. Bugger off now, I need to take a shower. After that, you'll make yourself useful and help me with the decorations.”

With a swift nod and a grin, Crowley leaves you alone.

Walking in the woods, Dean points at a pine tree. It looks pretty solid, not incredibly tall, and it's perfect for the purpose, with lush branches and splendid green needles. He shows Jack how to check for animals on it, and where to cut down the trunk.

Jack drinks in every bit of information, and looks at Dean trying to prove his skills. When the axe gets stuck inside the bark and doesn't seem willing to come out in any way, a clear “son of a bitch!” echoes through the calm woods, followed by a few other curses.

Trying not to laugh too openly, Jack approaches the tree. “May I?”

Dean gives up and takes a couple of steps back. “... please.”

Apparently without the slightest effort, Jack pulls away the axe. After that, he puts a hand on the cut in the bark, and the tree slowly and softly leans on one side, falling elegantly to the ground in an almost choreographed appearance. Dean looks at the tree, then at Jack, then back at the tree.

“... alright kid... time to drag that thing to the car. I know it's not funny, but it has to be done.”

“Dean, I could...”

“I said let's drag that thing, alright?”

Jack nods and starts trying to help Dean, with mixed results, but no one of them can stop laughing.

The tree has been placed at the entrance of the library. Dean stands by it, looking at it like a proud father would stare at his kid during the Christmas play. Sam joins him after a few minutes, bringing him a beer.

“Look at that, Sammy. Isn't it beautiful?”

“Yeah, it's pretty neat.”

“Where are the decorations?”

“Uh... I don't know.”

“You don't know. I left you and Eileen to take care of the kitchen, and Y/N just had to pick up the boxes. The cookies aren't ready, I see no candy canes, there's not a single wreath anywhere, no mistletoe, not a single...”

Sam interrupts him, explaining why he doesn't mean to investigate the lack of decorations. “Crowley is in there, with Y/N. They've been there... a while, I guess.”

Dean laughs. “Well, I ain't setting foot in there. Oh, and... Sammy?”

“Yeah?”

“You got flour on your ass.”

Dean doesn't even try to hide his laughter while Sam walks away, blushing like a teenager caught in the act. He takes another sip from his beer and shivers, feeling a sudden drop in the air temperature around him.

The things in the closet are pretty different from what the Winchesters are picturing. You're sitting on the floor, wrestling the lights and trying to untangle the cable with very poor results, while Crowley keeps muttering and rummaging in the boxes.

“Why does it have to be an angel?”

You turn to him, stopping for a moment before you unwittingly end up in a trap of your own making “... pardon?”

“Why does it have to be an angel on top of the tree? We already have a real one, can't we skip this, at least?”

“... what do you mean, we have a real one? It's not like we're tying up Cas and heaving him up on the top of the tree.”

“We should at least consider it.”

“Crowley, I swear to God.”

“You're no fun, kitten. I bet Dean would appreciate a Christmas bondage edition of his beau. Why do the Men of Letters have an angel figurine, anyway? Didn’t they kill angels?”

Exasperated by your fruitless efforts, you finally lift your head from the tangled mess of lights and look at him “Why are you still here, Crowley?”

“To poke Squirrel and Feathers, and to irk Moose. Why?”

“Because they are not here. And you are here, helping me. Maybe there's something else.” The last sentence slips past your lips before you can shut up. Crowley shrugs, looking at you, cocking an eyebrow.

“Do you really think I am here because I care about this tomfoolery of Christmas, and family, and sappiness?” He asks, in the tone of someone disproving a ridiculous claim. He is not there for Christmas. He decided to go with you. Surely you noticed that, you must have noticed. He travelled with you, for fuck's sake. A demon on your passenger seat is pretty hard to miss.

“I'm just saying you're in here, complaining with me about an angel figurine that we can't even find, instead of being up there, annoying them.” You start to pull and twist the wire once again, mindlessly trying to keep your hands busy and your head low. Of course he doesn't care.

“I'm not complaining, I'm trying to be rational. Their symbol is a star. Couldn't they use that? There's a bloody comet in that fairytale, isn't there?”

“Oh God, Crowley, yes, alright, no angel! No angel, ok? Just shut your mouth, I beg you.” For a second, you thought that he wasn't interested just in being a sort of Grinch, but you were obviously wrong. It's been stupid to keep your hopes high, even for a second.

Ignoring completely the way you snapped at him, he looks at you. “You know... there are more interesting ways to make me shut up, and funnier reasons to beg.”

You try to stand up from the floor, on the verge of exasperation, but you're so tangled up in the Christmas lights thread that you can't really move. Regretting already what you're about to say, you turn to the demon.

“... Crowley... can you help me?”

“Oh, sure I can. But will I?” is the predictable answer you get. You start thrashing against the improvised festive chains, but he laughs and walks closer to you. “Don't make it worse.”

You stay still, with a very annoyed expression, looking away while Crowley's hands work on the apparently inextricable mass around you, chuckling.

“How in the Hell's name did you manage...”

“... I thought to pass it around my arm to have a wider loop, but I guess it wasn't a great plan.” you mutter through your teeth, prompting more laughter from Crowley. When his fingertips graze the naked skin on your arms, you jump a little. He mercifully pretends not to notice, applying a bit more pressure and lingering more than necessary.

For a while you just sit there, feeling clumsy, but somehow enjoying the fact that his attention is focused exclusively on you. As soon as you're free from the improvised snare, you stand up and try to open the door. It'd be better to leave it open to carry the boxes more easily, but when you try the handle, you find it locked.

“Uh... that's weird.”

“... what's weird?”

“The door's locked.”

“... kitten, you don't need excuses to spend time with me.” Crowley simpers, looking at you.

“Try for yourself, smartass.”

After a few attempts, both from you and Crowley, the door stays obstinately closed. You exchange a confused stare, before you try to text Sam or Dean. You soon realize your phone has no signal.

“That's weirder. Can't you open it with your powers?”

“Iron encrusted with salt, same goes for the walls.” Crowley answers you. It's partially true, but he doesn't mind being locked in there with you. He goes to sit on one of the lower cabinets, then studies you.

“So... it looks like we have some time to kill.”

Sam is telling Eileen why he was so upset when he came back in the kitchen, putting all his emphasis on the signs for "idiot" and "jerk". Eileen quietly shrugs.

"It's not exactly a secret, Sam. No need to be shy about this."

Sam blushes violently and tries to explain himself, when the door slams behind him. He tilts his head, confused, and he tries to open it, with no success. A moment later, the air becomes colder. Eileen looks at him and hits her open palm, lifting her hand in a wavy motion, spelling a single word.

“Ghost.”

Sam furrows his eyebrows in surprise, but he doesn't question her. After all, she is quite the expert on the subject. They both rush to the tool shelf, grabbing anything made of iron they can find and the salt, standing back to back, looking around them.

“How did it come in here?” Sam asks, only to feel a sharp elbow against his back. He turns just in time to see a vaguely human form charging at him, violently shoving Eileen against one of the walls.

The ghost attacks Sam, who can't swing his piece of iron fast enough, and it locks his hands on his throat. He tries to fight back, but he doesn't manage. The piece of iron is yanked away from his hand, and he's pushed on his knees first, then with his back on the floor. His lungs start to ache for air when the ghost disappears. Eileen stands there, her hair stuck to her face, her eyes wide with worry.

“Are you okay?”

Sam nods and touches his throat, then takes a deep breath, coughing a couple of times. He then stands up, taking Eileen's hand. Apparently, the ghost has left them alone, for now.

“Where did that thing come from?”

“We really should get out of here and find out”, she answers, already starting to look around for something they can use to get out of the kitchen.

Sam hurls himself at the door a couple of times, but when he's done, he just gained a sore shoulder and a very disapproving look from Eileen.

“When has that ever worked against magic?”

“... there might always be a first time...” Sam answers, awkward.

“Looks like it's not today. Help me find something useful, come on.”

When Castiel appears back in the bunker, he's confused, for a second. Dean is pinned against the floor, apparently choking, clawing at his chest with his hands.

“Dean!”

The hunter doesn't seem to hear him, as he goes paler by the second. That's when Castiel realizes what's happening, and his eyes start beaming blue. He immediately identifies the source of danger and strides to the ghost crouched over Dean's chest.

He grabs it, and he catches the surprised stare of the ghost, a second before blasting him back in the Veil. Hopefully, this time a reaper will be able to find the soul and lead it to Heaven or Hell.

Castiel then kneels next to Dean, touching his forehead. His grace flows for a moment, healing the minor wounds left by the attack of the ghost, and Dean takes a deep breath.

“Hey... nice timing.”

“What happened?”

“I... there was a ghost.”

Castiel rolls his eyes, helping Dean to a sit on the floor. “I saw that. How did it get in here? This place is supposed to be protected.”

“Yeah, well... Kevin walked in, when he was a ghost.”

“That was different. He wasn't a vengeful spirit, he didn't mean you any harm, and he died here. This man was murdered more than fifty years ago.”

“Why was he here, then?”

Castiel's worry is quickly substituted by relief while he helps Dean back on his feet. “That's what I'm asking you. Have you brought in anything that might be connected to a murder?”

“What? No! We didn't bring anything, we just... oh, crap.” Dean mutters, looking at the tree. Castiel follows his stare and guesses what he's thinking.

“Are you joking?”

“Well...”

Castiel stands up, goes to check the tree, then turns back to Dean, raising his arms in a rare display of incredulity and exasperation. “A whole forest out there, and you pick the only tree that doubles as a tombstone for a vengeful spirit, probably killed by the Men of Letters?”

Dean just shrugs, unsure about what to say, then his gaze softens. “Yeah, I'm lucky like that. Anyway, Cas... thank you for showing up.”

“Of course, Dean. You know I...”

“You always come when I call, yes. I know. That's... that's incredible, you know? Knowing you got my back... I wouldn't know what to do without you.”

Cas sighs, not sure about the implications. He's never sure about the implications with him. “You've made it this far. I'm sure you would manage.”

Dean scoffs. “But I wouldn't like it. I'm glad you're around for our first real Christmas. Where were you?”

Castiel smiles, finally giving Dean a playful look. “You're gonna have to wait until Christmas morning to find out. Come on, let's go to check on the others.” He walks to Dean and offers him his hand. Right away, Dean grabs it and pulls himself up, smiling when he finds himself on his feet, face to face with Castiel.

For a moment, Dean stands there, just studying the angel's face. He's amazed by how gracefully his vessel aged, and at the same time he finds unfair the fact that he won't be able to see his true form.

Just as he's moving a hand towards Castiel, the sound of a slamming door echoes from the corridor leading to the kitchen. Dean rolls his eyes, slightly annoyed and immediately feeling guilty about it. He's supposed to check on everyone else.

“That's the sound of someone doing good. Hey, Cas?”

“Yes?”

“Wanna go pick another tree, once we're sure everyone's doing good and… you know, burn down this one?”

“It's probably safer, yes. I'll go check on Jack, you make sure Sam and the girls are alright.” Cas replies with a nod, heading for Jack's room.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

I truly hope you enjoyed this little story. Every kind of feedback is very much appreciated, just as much as likes and reblogs!

Please, do not repost or copy my works or part/s of it, not even if you give credits.

#spn #spnfic #spnchristmasbingo #dean x castiel #sam x eileen #crowley x fem reader #crowley x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #christmas tree #fluff #ghost #canon divergent

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bellamyblake · 4 years

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Hey girl! I haven’t watched the ep yet but what are your general thoughts on the prequel pilot? Excited? Planning to watch? (Don’t worry about spoilers, idc). Also, what are your top 3 fav books or book series? ~ @burninghoneyatdusk 💙

Hey, Sam!!!

Thanks for asking!

Well tbh it wasn’t bad. I will admit I expected a bit more in terms of characters but otherwise I’d say it was a good episode for a pilot one. My first thought when I finished watching it was this-that it felt to me a lot like 3x07 in terms of like general structure. It’s logical, because it is about grounder culture and how it started, the Flame, Becca, etc. but I just feel that at the bottom of it it was a very like 3x07 episode where you have an insane dude who wants to be in control of the situation and be the hero- Cadogan = equaling Titus and a woman who actually has the means to the end he so desperately wants to reach aka L/xa (uniting the clans) and Becca-opening the portals and eventually those two men leading to the death of those two women who could’ve truly saved everyone if they had just listened.

In terms of characters I find only Callie to be a well written stand out character. But I am not surprised because Jason can write a good female lead. And he can write a good plot. Actually for me his problem is that he can develop the plot but not develop the characters alongside with it. He just doesn’t know what to do them or he ignores doing them anything (like Clarke with her constant pain and not giving her time to properly grief and process but instead throwing her into the next thing because...PLOT lol).

Her brother was kinda bland for me, very straight up soldier, I expected to like him more. I guess there’s room for improvement there, but I suppose that this theory about Trikru and Azgeda and how they started and him being the Azgeda founder makes some sense. He does act very cold, soldier-ish and applying to all rules type of guy. Who...at the end just wants to be loved by his dad who doesn’t notice him at all.

Which brings me to my next point at that is that it’s inevitable not to draw parallels between the 100 characters and the prequel ones. Just because it’s what happens when one does a backdoor pilot in another show. I’d say I like here with the siblings that they did show this about Cadogan not loving them equally. I think that was and I always thought it....that Aurora may have loved O better than Bellamy but for reasons different here and that is that she just saw him more as a father figure to her girl and a partner than her child ones O was born. But ofc circumstances are different so that’s not the same.

The so called by reviewers Bellamy-like dude, aka August (I��m kinda pissed they used all the good Bellarke kids possible names like Calliope and August in here but whatever) we didn’t see too much of him but he didn’t stand too much out for him. Might be a casting issue. Might be cause I’m biased. But I can definitely see bellarke parallels here with him and Callie. Esp that last scene by the fire. But yeah overall...didn’t stand out.

It’s a lil funny to me how Callie just drooled over Becca so much that she completely trusted her without a doubt. But anyway I guess...plot again.

And Cadogan I find to be a complete moron. It’s like...Becca says-don’t go there, don’t do THIS and he’s like-it’s a pretty white light, I’m going, like a 5 year old...

Got no words lmfao.

He’s an ass.

So yeah overall, not bad. I mean I loved some parts. I like that the grounder culture started like this actually. And I don’t mind the trikru language actually being Callie’s invention. It does make sense otherwise if they descend from English speaking people why start using a creole-like language without any reason whatsoever.

But I think it was a bit weak on characters. Besides Callie and Cadogan the others weren’t very strong/standing out. Which is okay cause it’s just a pilot, I mean Bellamy was an ass in our pilot, so...

I usually don’t watch spin offs of any of the shows I watch..okay that was I lie I did watch the originals lmfao, but Idk...maybe I’ll try it. Just to see.

Oh and tbh I wish Becca didn’t die so fast. I think it’d have been cool if she stayed a lil longer.

Top 3 books that’s hard:

1. On the road by Jack Kerouac

2. Crime and Punishment like a true Russian lit bachelor

3. Our souls at night by Kent Haruf

Book series:

1. The Hunger Games

2. Six of Crows

3.The Foxhole court series (or All for the game series)

🌜sleepover with me🌛

#thank you so much #answered #Anonymous #the 100 #the 100 spoilers

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jensenscomedyelbows · 5 years

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SUPERNATUAL 21 QUESTIONS

(THE INCREDIBLE HEATHER, AKA @sammichgirl, did this and tagged me as one of her favorite blogs, so I’m giving it a go. Thanks, doll.)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

On September 19, 2012. I was recovering from surgery and had binged all there was to binge on Netflix at that point, and I asked my BFF James what I should watch. He immediately said “Supernatural!” I was skeptical, and I asked him exactly what it was about. He told me brothers, Sam and Dean, who were “slayers,” probably because he knew I loved BtVS and that would interest me. I thought hmmm, maybe. That same day my other BFF, Angel, called to check on me, so I asked her if she had any recommendations—and she said the same thing! She, like James, had watched every episode live since day one. So I watched the pilot, and was immediately struck by the twin images of Mary and Jessica burning on the ceiling. I HAD TO KNOW WHY. Three weeks later, I finished season 6, just in time for Netflix to add season 7, and not long after I finished that, season 8 began airing live, with me right in front of my TV every Tuesday night, dying to see what would happen next. AND I’M STILL HERE (and have been to THREE conventions, lord have mercy!)

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

Like Heather, I never really thought that was a thing. It was a line put in for a laugh in one episode that got blown up into a big deal, but I never felt invested in the concept. But if you’re asking me which character is my favorite among Sam, Dean, and Castiel, my favorite will always be Dean. You can’t love him without loving Sam too, however, and there are episodes in which my sympathies are more with Sam, and episodes in which I identify/sympathize more with Dean. I rarely sympathize with Castiel because he’s not human.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

Castiel. I haven’t much liked his character since season 5, but I do recognize that’s entirely the writers’ fault.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs.

The ones I turn to again and again for gifs (and which have been particularly useful in illustrating my 2019 rewatch) have been: @sensitivehandsomeactionman @secretsandgreeneyes @saucynewf @demondetoxmanual and @spn-idjits-guide-to-hunting. I also love @lipglosskaz @sammichgirl @lemondropsonice @whiskeycherrypie and @misswhizzy. I am a thousand percent sure I’m leaving out at least fifty I love and adore 🥰, and it will drive me nuts thinking about it!

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Bobby Singer, no contest, hands down.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Ellen Harvelle. A calm, steadying presence with the knowledge and skill to back up her formidable courage. Tough when she needed to be, loving when the people she cared about were in trouble. Heroic.

7. John or Mary?

Neither or both. If you erase the Dabb era resurrection of Mary, then both. Both John and Mary had profound impacts on Sam and Dean’s personalities and views of the world—John’s by his presence and Mary’s by her absence. They made our boys who they are. But if you count Mary’s resurrection and terrible new character arc, then John of course.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

I thought it was commendable for Sam to want to go to law school, and tragic what happened to Jessica and his plans for the future. I loved how open he was with Dean (early days!), how much trust he had in him, and how easily victims responded to him. Also: book smarts are a turn-on of mine.

I fell in love with Dean’s beauty by Wendigo, and his everything else by Home. The brave face, the stiff upper lip hiding the vulnerability and insecurity from his little brother because he feels he has to be strong for him—all that just made me love him more. Also: a wicked sense of humor is a huge turn-on of mine.

Castiel has a great character entrance. Emotionless. He burned out Pamela’s eyes. I thought that was unnecessary. He and Uriel were alien beings whose motives were the opposite of pure, so I feared his power and questioned his interaction with Sam and Dean.

Jack: Oh, I get it—the CW needs to compete with Riverdale and its other shows featuring teenagers, so they invented Lucifer’s son to boost ratings. *shrug*

9. What’s your favorite season?

2, 4, and 5–there are just too many good ones to have just one favorite. I also love 1 and 3. LOL.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Season 12 just about broke me. Let me count the ways: Lucifer possessing the President of the United States (oh please, I watch this show to ESCAPE real life, tyvm), Sam and Dean MURDERING him in yet another failed attempt to kill Lucifer, being sent to “Supermax” which, again, PLEASE, do you even know what would happen to the assassins responsible for killing the POTUS? Not even Sam and Dean would be able to bust out of that lockup—no effing way—yet they did. And how did they do it? By murdering a shitload of HUMAN BEINGS just doing their jobs, running around with AK-47s while yelling how they’re the guys who saved the world 🙄 I can’t see either Sam or Dean EVER bragging about that, and since then, they have, many times, and it always sets my teeth on edge. SEASON TWELVE DOESN’T EXIST TO ME.

11. What’s your opinion on Destiel?

It’s a fan ship that is popular among the younger, less experienced viewers of our show (many of whom haven’t even seen any seasons/episodes without Castiel in them), so my opinion isn’t very high. It’s like Dean and Cas are two dolls, and the Destiel fandom’s chief delight is mashing them together any way they can. And forcing the rest of us to hear them lecture us on how it’s “real,” how it’s “going to be canon,” and generally alienating everyone who doesn’t ship those two characters. I ignore anything to do with it.

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

I’m not queer, so bearing in mind that I wouldn’t necessarily see it if it did, I’ve tried to look at it as impartially and dispassionately as possible, and I believe that Misha has been guilty of it, on occasion. (Sure, it’s all in good fun, he’s only kidding, he’s having a laugh, etc.) Ben Edlund has as well. Robbie Thompson was perhaps guilty of it a time or two. But this is all supposing that it is impossible for A TRUE PLATONIC LOVING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO MEN to be portrayed on television. I mean, Dean/Castiel is the only “baiting” I’ve ever heard people yell about, so I’m sticking to this one possible pairing as the one responsible for this question. I personally have no trouble accepting a platonic same-sex relationship...but queer fandom seems to have a lot of trouble with this concept?

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Hahahaha, obviously 1-7. KEEP 12 AWAY FROM ME.

14. Who’s your favorite villain?

CROWLEY. He was so awful before his redemptive stuff at the end. Never forget that as of the end of season 8, he was murdering all the innocent people Sam and Dean had saved (including Sarah Blake!), then in season 9, he was the one responsible for getting Gadreel out of Sam. After that, he wasn’t really a villain anymore. But he was so irredeemably evil for four seasons!

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

THEY HAVE! Now they just need to end the NICK plot line.

16. Who do you think has been through more trauma—Sam, Dean or Cas?

Sam and Dean have been through the SAME traumas, almost exactly, so I call theirs dead even. I wouldn’t want to measure or quantify “trauma” in any case. Castiel isn’t human, so I never thought of him as undergoing any trauma.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

Mystery Spot, 3x11. It’s the one I would show someone new to the show. It’s the one I watch when I’m down. I LOVE stories with the time-loop trope ❤️ The acting is phenomenal. It’s funny, it’s tragic, it’s everything.

18. Do you like the case episodes?

All of season 1 is comprised of “case” episodes. Looking for John and Sam’s connection to “the demon” are secondary in that season, and I loved it enough to fall in love with the entire series, so YES. I’m a horror/mystery buff at heart.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

It will come as no surprise to anyone reading this that my answer is Dean.

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

Honestly, it’s the only place I can see the Winchesters do their thing—make their choices, fight their battles, and live their lives. They DO lead eventful lives!

21. If you could bring back one character and kill another off, who would they be?

I’m gonna interpret “bring back” as “never killed off” and go with Bobby—the Bobby we knew and loved, the Bobby who had the boys’ backs and was always there, dispensing wisdom and advice. “Bring back” means an entirely different thing now that there’s an AU—they can (and have) brought back EVERYBODY in an effort to appease fans and boost ratings. I think it’s a failure of imagination, personally, and I’ll give that version of bringing back a hard pass.

I would definitely kill Castiel off, or send him to Heaven for good. And then I don’t want to hear another word about Heaven or Hell again, the end. He hasn’t done anything but give pep talks and occasionally perform a miraculous task when the writers need him to. His character has already been killed, and it was a slow death by a thousand cuts. Very sad.

OKAY. I’m not tagging anybody either, but here’s your chance to get your opinions out there and on the record, so do it! (if you do it, please tag me!)

#supernatural opinions #degree of difficulty: expert #sammichgirl

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avalonsilver · 5 years

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Supernatural questions

SPN Questions Game!

I was tagged by @lovedsammy

Thank you! I appreciate it. Sorry this took so long. It was fun answering the questions though. :-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural? The night the show first premiered on Sept. 13, 2005 (according to Google). I knew Jensen and Jared from other shows (more recently at that time, Jensen's recurring role on Smallville and then Jared on Gilmore Girls) and was curious. Sci-fi/fantasy is a fav genre for me, so Supernatural seemed right up my alley (the horror/gory aspects sometimes was a little much for me, but the character dynamics keep me watching). I watched the show regularly for the first five seasons. What got me to fall in love with the show was a small scene in the first episode. (rest under the cut)

That was when Dean answers Sam's belief about Dean doing this alone [find their Dad] with a "Yeah, well, I don't want to." The way this line was delivered by Jensen... it just showed a vulnerability in Dean. It showed what sort of character Dean was -- that he needed, wanted his brother by his side. That moment left me wanting to learn more about Sam and Dean, and I cared about their journey in each episode. After the Season 5 finale, I stopped watching the show regularly. I watched the first few eps of Season 6 I believe, but they failed to hold my interest. Not enough Cas I guess (I loved him in Seasons 4 and 5 and his character development in those two seasons). I randomly watched a few Season 7 episodes when they aired (the one with Charisma Carpenter & James Marsters (7x05) and the Eliot Ness episode (7x12)). I was wondering where Cas was at as I didn't really know then what had happened to him. Finally, about five years later, when Season 13 was airing, I fell back into watching the show. I saw War of the Worlds 13x07 live without much of an idea of what had gone on in the show in the last few years. So I had no idea that Sam and Dean now called this bunker their home. It was certainly an experience watching that episode being pretty confused about things. The mid-season finale/"The Bad Place" really peaked my interest that I should catch up with this show again. Jack got me curious. I ended up watching the Season 13 finale live.

Over the summer, I binge-watched the seasons I missed post-Season 5. I watched the episodes I missed in Season 13 first. Then I went through Seasons 6, 9, 10 and 11 (still working on Season 12- finished through 12x08). With Seasons 7 & 8, I mainly watched the episodes where Cas appeared (with S7, that made the season go fast for me since he was only in five episodes... I did see 7x03 though because of Colin Ford. He is my favorite version of "young Sam"... and catching up with the show, it was a nice surprise that he returned in Season 7). I am planning to see those S7 & 8 episodes I skipped over-- feel kind of bad for not watching those seasons completely.

2. Who is your favorite in TFW? Castiel -- I looked forward to his scenes back in Seasons 4 and 5. His journey since then has been interesting to watch. While his development in Season 6 was hard to see unfold, I see it as the unfortunate fallout from averting the apocalypse. It was a win that TFW stopped the apocalypse particularly through Sam's sacrifice. But sadly, Cas's desire to prevent Apocalypse Take 2 from happening caused him to go to dark places -- leaving TFW fractured. I think his experience as a human was one of the best things that happened to him-- it really helped him be more compassionate and understanding-- or just really bring out what Cas already had inside him. I still prefer him to be an angel though (I have a weakness for "superpowers"...like the glowy eyes/healing...). But I appreciate that Cas did experience being human and learned something valuable from that.

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW? Dean, although it's hard to choose a least favorite. Each one has their good and bad traits. Dean's harsh treatment of Jack in Season 13 is not something I can brush aside completely. So that's why Dean comes to mind. Dean has gotten better with Jack, true, but his early S13 handling of Jack while Sam pleaded with Dean to give Jack a chance is still hard to forget.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs. (I think most everyone has done these questions, so below are just the Supernatural blogs I like checking out) Let’s see… I tag: @hallowedbecastiel, @lovedsammy @flightoftheseraph, @soluscheese, @castielisourhero, @sastiel-daily, @canonspngifs

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)? Bobby Singer, although I guess he can be considered an honorary member of TFW. I have not seen the episode where he dies (7x10), but I plan to and I know it'll leave me teary-eyed I'm sure. But seeing the episodes where he returns in some capacity (10x17 "Inside Man" -- so much love for that episode, and 11x16 "Safe House") got me really emotional. That letter to Sam in 10x17, and Dean figuring he and Bobby were there at the same time in that house thanks to some time-wimey explanation... it just made me wish Bobby was still alive. He was really like a father to Sam and Dean and it'll certainly be hard to watch those early seasons with Bobby -- knowing now that he's gone. At least he's in Heaven. I want to add Jack too-- even if he is a part of TFW, but technically it's TFW 2.0 for him, so he does sort of count I guess (I'm reaching here, I know, but couldn't resist). Mostly because his character got me curious and led me to watching all of Season 13 and motivating me to finally catch up with the seasons I've missed of the show. Seeing all the crap that Sam had been through with Lucifer post-Season 5 made his willingness to help Jack, Lucifer's son, all the more compelling.

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural? As far as a female character who's currently still alive, Rowena is pretty awesome -- some of her outfits have been gorgeous. And there's the 13x19 scene on the phone where she flirts with Cas --"oh is the handsome angel there with you? Hello, Tweetie Pie." was amusing in how it left Cas a little flustered and off-footed in his response. Considering back at the end of Season 10, Rowena cursed him with that "attack dog" spell causing Cas some considerable misery... it's just so like the show for the pair of them to be sort of chill with one another now. Cas still doesn't quite know how to take flirtations-- it's endearing. Also, due to my summer rewatch, I really enjoyed Meg 2.0's character. I loved her dynamic with Cas and was sad when she died. I love that she saw Cas as "her unicorn." Rachel Miner did a great job with the character of Meg. I'll never forget that moment in 6x10 when Meg made out with Cas.

7. John or Mary? Mary (I haven't seen all of Season 12 and did hear her storyline had its issues, but from what I know about her, I prefer her to John). Watching the 300th episode caused me to warm up to John again. I'm glad Sam and Dean got some closure with him. I think I blame the background music sometimes used during the John moments... it got me all nostalgic and emotional. I enjoyed Mary in Season 13 and being protective of Jack -- to where she decided to stay with him even if it meant needing to leave the camp because AU! Bobby was suspicious of Jack's half-angel status. So I'll stick with Mary on this one.

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack? Sam: I thought he was a compelling character. He was like the "regular guy" character at the beginning helping to introduce the audience into the strange world of hunting the supernatural his family was a part of. I took a television course back in college, so this kind of stuff was discussed, bear with me. lol ... as the show went on, it was ironic that he was the one with psychic powers, the demon blood and was the "true vessel" for Lucifer. After playing catch up with the show post-Season 5, I feel so bad for the crap Sam has gone through particularly with Lucifer. It has been a long time for me, so I can't exactly remember my first impression of Sam. After seeing Jared on Gilmore Girls, I think I just automatically decided to find any character he played likable since I generally liked his character on Gilmore Girls. It was sad how badly Sam wanted to live a normal/safe life with Jess in the pilot but that wasn't in the cards for him.

Dean: I found his "devil may care" attitude kind of cool, but as brought up earlier, I liked that he cares about family. That he came to get Sam because he needed him by his side to search for their Dad. Even despite the big fight that was close to John disowning Sam, Dean wanted to make the effort to mend bridges. Dean took the chance that Sam would still care about their Dad's well-being despite the big fight. Or maybe Dean knew that deep down, Sam would agree to help -- as after all, Dean practically raised him so he obviously knew Sam pretty well (even if he didn't quite understand Sam's strong desire to head to university and try for an "normal apple pie life.")

Cas: He was a big part why I was excited for Seasons 4 and 5 when they were airing. Although in retrospect, he didn't really have a lot of scenes in S4 &5. I just ended up being grateful for what we did get back then. I liked how though seemed alien in his first appearance and interaction with Dean, there were hints that Cas did care and wasn't a cold, unfeeling angel. Like I couldn't quite hate him completely for burning out Pamela's eyes even though I wanted to initially. Cas just seemed a little regretful about that, so I could see sparks of opportunity for character growth. I need to rewatch the scene again, but I vaguely recall Cas looked sad/regretful about Pamela's fate. And when he told Dean, "You don't think you deserve to be saved,"-- the way the line was delivered got me even more curious about Cas. Then his end of episode appearance in 4x02 freaked me out a bit because he was intense there. But honestly, during most of that 4x02 scene, I was bothered by his lips being dry/cracked... why I still remember this after all these years, IDEK. Still wish someone had given him some chapstick or something then. lol

Jack: The first episode I saw him in was the mid-season 13 finale. I was interested in Jack and learning more about him... I'm sure it would have been better if I'd seen those earlier Season 13 episodes to understand Jack better. I really enjoyed how everything went down in 13x09 and how climactic it ended up being. The last shot of Jack in "Apocalypse World" with him looking up at Mary in a cage was a well-done shot. After seeing 13x01, I liked Jack's curiosity about the world and his love of nougat. He seemed like a sweet and caring person and eager to please.

9. What’s your favorite season? Season 1. It was when I first started watching and was just a pretty solid season overall. The cliffhanger was evil, but hell, that really got me on the board to continue with this show. Plus, the memorable lines --"driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole", "hope your apple pie was freakin' worth it!" and I loved the moment of Dean bringing peanut M&Ms as one of his provisions in 1x02 "Wendigo" (and they did prove useful in the end in tracking him down). It's tempting to say a season with Cas too because I like his character. With Cas, probably Season 10 since I enjoyed his interactions with Claire. Also, I love 10x17 so much (just made me miss Bobby and that end montage is an automatic rewatch for me). Although Season 4 was good too with Castiel's introduction. I like how his character developed to the point where he was prepared to fight off archangels to stop the apocalypse. Even if this defied the other angels wanting the apocalypse to come to fruition. Honorary mention to Season 13 mostly for the journey of Sam and Jack's father-son bond. I always love seeing tributes to that bond and the support Jack received from Sam.

10. What’s your least favorite season? Season 7, but then again I haven't seen the entire season yet. From what I saw of the Leviathans, I didn't like them as villains. But Leviathan!Cas was pretty awesome-- he definitely freaked me out for the brief time the Leviathan took him over. Just a shame that the Leviathan after that were just kind of meh... For a season I saw entirely, I'd have to say Season 6. Though Castiel had some great moments in this season (6x20 of course being a highlight), it hurt to see Cas turn against Sam and Dean. Yes, Cas was doing all that to stop Apocalypse 2.0, but I hated that he resorted to breaking Sam's wall (leaving Sam a mess into Season 7). Also, the first half of the season with soulless!Sam was weird to watch... since Sam wasn't himself and knowing that was sad. I enjoyed the episode 6x11 where Dean made a deal with Death to get Sam's soul out of the cage. So yeah, I liked some parts of Season 6, but overall, it's not easy to rewatch knowing this is the unfortunate fallout of averting the apocalypse in Season 5. Back in the day-- for just Seasons 1 through 5, I'd say Season 3...the season had its moments, but it just ranked lowest for me in terms of the first five seasons. Although S3 gets points for one cliffhanger of an ending.

11. Opinions on Destiel? I used to be big on Destiel, or just Dean and Cas's friendship/strong bond in Seasons 4 and 5. Maybe my enthusiasm for them just faded away over time... after catching up with the show recently, my perspective has changed. I can't completely get over Dean's treatment of Cas at the end of Season 7 after he'd taken on Sam's hell trauma leaving him broken and not mentally stable. Dean yelling at Cas more than once was frustrating to see during this time. I just can't get into Dean x Cas as much as before... though Cas sticking around and still being Dean's friend, helping him and Sam out, does speak a lot to Cas's ability to forgive... not to stay angry with Dean after some of the things Dean has said to him and put him through (such as kicking him out of the bunker in 9x03 without any offer of assistance so Cas wouldn't continue to be homeless... I can understand why a lot of people didn't like 9x03).

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits? No. t's nice that Dean can have a solid, meaningful friendship with someone who isn't Sam... so it's good that he has Castiel. But the moments where it seems like it's leading to something more than friendship for Destiel... I think it just shows the strength of their friendship.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14? Seasons 8-14 -- mostly because I liked Cas's character development in the later seasons. That he's more compassionate, maybe more human -- his short time as a human influencing him in a good way for the most part. Even if his angelic powers were diminished in the later seasons.

I miss his teleporting (I had grown used to the "rustle of wings" sound effect in Seasons 4 and 5), and to learn he'd lost that ability for a few years already by the time of Season 13 -- that was sad to know. Despite that loss, I like that Cas has become more expressive -- like in the 14x12 scene where he's discussing "Rowena's remarkable command of profanity" on the phone to Sam -- The line delivery and his facial expression was on point there.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)? Crowley. He had some great moments on the show, and it was great to see his journey on the show. From full-on antagonist to sort of being on Team Winchester. I don't like that he killed Meg 2.0 (I miss her :(), but he was a compelling character and it's sad that he's not on the show anymore.

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line? Yes!

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas) Sam. They all have gone through their share of trauma, so it's not easy to just choose one. But Sam has been tortured by Lucifer himself, and still suffers PTSD from that every time he has to deal with Lucifer.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode? 1x12 - "Faith" -- I have a fondness for some Season 1 episodes. Asylum was another fav for me along with Home and Something Wicked. At the time that “Faith” aired, I was big on hurt!Dean, and this episode delivered. I loved how determined Sam was to save his brother. This was still back when some great classic rock songs were used. The "Don't Fear the Reaper" song playing while Sam and Dean carried out their plan to stop the reaper was pretty epic. And looking back, boy, do I miss those days when iconic songs like that were used on the show. 18. Do you like case episodes? Yes -- I like seeing how the mystery unravels, and finding out who the culprit is in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW? Sam. Mostly due to his love/appreciation of research. I like to research too and learn new things. Also, he's the younger sibling, which is the same for me. I can relate to his frustration with his dad -- though it was for different reasons, I've felt similarly-- just different personalities and perspectives clashing, I would say.

20. Why do you like Supernatural? I like Supernatural because of the brotherly bond between Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean was what first drew me to the show and I still enjoy seeing the twists and turns they go through -- and I appreciate the moments that strengthen their bond and get emotional and heartbroken when they're divided. At the end of the day, I feel Sam and Dean are the heart and the soul of the show -- my hope for the end of the series is that the brothers' bond is as strong as ever. I would be so sad if they end the show with Sam and Dean at odds with each other-- I have faith the writers wouldn't do this -- it would be hard to watch (like back in 4x21 where they fight each other and go their separate ways... it was painfully heartbreaking to see). Also, I love Team Free Will -- it's nice that Sam and Dean have Cas now as a long-time friend and confidante. I like Jack and the more recent Team Free Will 2.0 that formed to include him. Though the original Team Free Will is more iconic, I guess, for me since it formed as the apocalypse approached in Season 5. And the name really had a meaning: that Sam, Dean and Cas weren't going to fold and follow what the higher up angels wanted... that their free will mattered more than following their long foretold destinies.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be? I'm torn between bringing Bobby back or Meg 2.0. I'd kill off Lucifer (if he is really woken up in the Empty -- he needs to be put down again. :\). I'd like Kevin Tran to come back. I would be okay with killing off AU! Bobby if we can get the old Bobby back. And Meg 2.0 being brought back would be great-- I miss her interactions with Cas.

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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13x10 3rd Watch Notes

... I was too excited to do notes, that's all on me :P We're doing this late, fuelled with 3 days of fandom yelling, and a large pot of rooibos tea.

I think starting the recap with Jody's line from 9x19 that started this whole thing emotionally is BRILLIANT -

Whatever you want from me, I'll give it. If you want, I'm here.

Because this was the perfectly tuned line to say to Alex to respect her boundaries, respect her journey and where she might go and the choices she had to make about her future and what Jody would do for her... But now it encapsulates the entire heart of this show, because this is Jody laying herself on the line for her girls, for all of them, as the emotional core of the show, the one whose house for "wayward girls" is opening up for business. That she's given the same promise to Patience, and taken in Claire and would probably do the same for Kaia in a flash, even was the one to offer to teach Donna more about hunting at the end of 10x08, though she's adult support.

I think it's 100% the right choice, because Jody is undoubtedly the core of this, and I don't think her adopting Alex was the first time anyone thought she could have a spin off - a hunter sheriff is an ideal idea for refocussing and, honestly, Weekend at Bobby's started to sell the idea in that you could flip around the POV and whether he was in it or not, Jody's perspective on it all was even more fascinating than his. But obviously by 9x19, right in the shadow of the failed spin off attempt, the obvious choice was right there under their noses, and this line sealed the deal, because it gave Jody the chance to prove she was capable of carrying that weight. And boy does she.

"Wayward girls" said over the clip of Alex and Claire being dragged into their respective jail/child prison cells by the authorities, to show their roots before Jody got to 'em

Patience being offered her route in as the decision she has to make about leaving her life to *become* wayward and go off her seemingly easy path through life.

"Losing everyone you've ever known" - Claire losing Amelia (holding her like Jody will hold her at the end of the episode), Jody killing Momma - two very very different scenarios, but in both, how they lost their mother/mother figure, one a tragedy, one saving her from the toxic upbringing.

"Am I brave enough/ Am I strong enough?" the music sings over Claire in the taxi in 10x20 going into her future, when we see her last before she settles with iron certainty on becoming a hunter, and then Alex right after she has made her choice, and stabbed Momma with the dead man's blood so that she can be free

"To push away my fear/ To stand where I'm afraid" Patience choosing to leave when her father tells her she won't come back, and Donna seeing her first vampire, and being pulled into the world of the supernatural

"I am through with this" Jody, I think, right after she kills Momma, having struck the decisive blow which changes her life to bring her and Alex together and start this all

Then loud music/chorus and I lose music comprehension and we're recapping and they're all being badass :P

They've done a lot of beheading.

Claire fighting the werewolf in 12x16 edited to not show her getting beaten >.>

To be fair, that's the learning experience where she doesn't make the mistake again this very episode :D

(And she has a lot of mistakes still to make to be formed into a great hunter... She's still 5 years younger than Dean in 1x01!)

The best bit is how the badass music was for the girls, and it drops away when Jack is on screen and becomes very muted because this is The Man Pain(TM) and therefore not right to play this song for :P All the other dialogue had it at least pumping away in the background.

And, yep, her first appearance in the recap, she's part of the main plot, not the established sisters (I wondered about this on the first watch but bleh :P) you hear "I've been sacrificed" for Kaia: https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/169929858758/and-all-three-of-kaias-screams-got-punctuated

She's a huuuuge part of the show but I guess that's in a main plot way - the mythology will be built around her and Claire's emotional story is built around that. In a way it elevates her, but it also, for now, excludes her from the core family group, as she's not there in the end for the family meal around the table, and she's not here in the opening credits being layered in with them. I suspect if the show is picked up, we'll have Kaia back by the end of the first season, and she'll be officially welcomed to the family group, but in the meantime as she's *so* new she hasn't got the same connection to the story and history of Jody's family, even that Patience is rooted deep in SPN's story despite being new, and met Jody early on in the season... Staggering their arrivals means that Kaia being able to join the family would be a huge goal to achieve, to round out their numbers and have their first big victory.

This song is the only way to make that last action of 13x09 any more amped up than it already was.

And the song ends and we recap Patience on Jody's doorstep and her vision as the lead in to the episode, which, oh no. :(

I love this opening sequence a ridiculous amount. Quirky one-off werewolves, tiny lil blonde girl representing who Claire used to be right down to the braid in her hair (and she lost her shoe!) and the whole slow approach of the delivery van Claire stole while implementing this extremely extra plan... There's good tension in this whole thing, and the werewolf's knock knock joke made me laugh out loud because I'm awful... Also "don't play with your damn food" ... god.

Claire's knock knock joke is, of course, much better.

I love the way she pulls up and brings light to this place, and sets the monsters on edge before she ever knocks on the door. And the yellow eyes callback! It looks so much like one of the early shots of yellow eyes, maybe the revealing one... If this is the proper opening of the pilot, to compare it to 1x01, we have Claire saving a girl from the yellow-eyed monster... Down on their magnitude of monsters they deal with though. There's no destiny and epic plan that can possibly compete with what the Winchesters get up to, and really, no one wants or needs there to be.

We've seen a lot of tilted picture frames this season and I don't know if it's because before this season started I photoshopped one straight for silly reasons or if it's because it's an actual theme. It's still symbolic, of the picture being shifted, which might mean you're viewing it wrong, or that the picture itself has changed and moved - which this show is doing both in the main show and this itself being a new and different perspective on the show.

I love how Mr Werewolf completely unironically says "who's there" after all that stuff scaring the kid without even thinking about how this can bounce back in his face and he's going to get the fright.

I love Claire's innocent little "Huh?" when he says that, and the gentle music like maybe this was all a misunderstanding.

"Your name's right on the box." He's reduced down to just being a monster, and she's the thing that kills monsters. :D

I also love that she blows him away before he can say "Bitch"

And that Claire uses Amanda's full name to greet her and put her at ease, but also that she's taken away Mr Werewolf's name, and given Amanda hers.

She's so gentle with the little girl :D

And she has so many weapons shoved in her boots!

I like how this show she can now use her fighting skills to overpower a werewolf despite being smaller, and also that she knows not to let them get the drop on her, and reads Amanda's face well when honestly it's a trope not to realise why the person you think you're freeing looks like that and get surprised again.

I also like it was a lady werewolf who attacks at the end - it's not JUST a girlpower, men are dumb brutes message, just that these girls are very strong in their own ways and that is a good thing to celebrate. You can still get lil girls who get kidnapped, innocent civilian moms, and werewolf ladies. Before you even hit the range of girls and women in the main characters.

The sad moment where she reunites a family and wishes for a moment it would be that simple for her... And at the end she is given a whole large family to emotionally reunite with - or join for the first time :D

And then the rehash of the "hunting trip and haven't been home for a few days" line, and title card. I think a lot has already been written about what's different, like that it's Jody calling Claire home, and taking her off the road. And she's the parental figure - which may just reflect back on what Dean was to Sam I guess :P Except that she's also just friends with Sam n Dean, and this is also a front to get Claire home, because she's more concerned about Patience's vision and Claire dying than she is about Sam and Dean, concerning as that is. She doesn't know any of the ways in which they could even remotely currently be fucked, as she last checked in with them at the start of 13x09 and they last checked in with her after getting the lead on Kaia. Obviously Dean had some motives that he didn't want to be alone and didn't REALLY need Sam, he just wanted to have him around, but, yeah, this is entirely for Claire's sake. There isn't so much mytharc as there is intensely personal, heart-based reasons for things :')

How many episodes start with showing Jody's truck... I love the shot of Claire in the mirror as she pulls into the driveway, just kind of... staring at Jody's truck and wondering if she's doing the right thing coming home, like she's already facing down Jody after leaving. Like it only becomes real in that moment at the end of the drive.

It kills me that Alex and Jody are around a 6-person table. I already pointed out in the rewatch notes for the earlier stuff that Jody's living room has room for 6, but you know me and table meta. There's 6 seats around this table, and one of them is for Kaia, though she never makes it to sit with them. At the moment, it's just Alex and Jody, and all the rest are going to join in around them :D

Thinking of: Claire comes in, smiles nervously at them all, breaks the tension asking Alex if she missed her and getting some snark in, and Jody hugs Claire waaay more than normal, her face over her shoulder betraying absolute relief, before she gets back to business and introduces Patience. Claire's face falls, recognising all the hallmarks of being replaced - and Patience brought like 2 shirts with her or something, so has been borrowing Claire's old clothes because Jody probably said it was okay (Patience seems like she would have asked :P) and here's Claire, and... Yeah, I don't think all of Claire's initial reaction is just because she doesn't believe in visions or whatever, but because she feels like Patience is an impostor. And a rival.

I love Patience's last look after Claire abruptly changes the subject on the awkward silence and charges off - "well, that went... about as terribly as it could have" :P

Patience sitting next to Jody on the sofa probably can't help either >.> Jody's like a protective barrier between her and Claire - and Alex to an extent, just because they're not on the same side.

I LOVE Claire slapping away Alex's hand and Alex's teasing look when she says "baby". She's soooo much more confident than we've ever seen her before, and she's happy to tease, and to get deep without falling into her own trauma and not being able to get back out. In 11x12 she was still very hurt, and had only just made it to the surface of coping every day. In this episode she's clearly much more settled and happy and feels a sense of belonging and purpose. She'd not even consider staying to hunt just because Claire needles her it's the right thing to do, and I love that Alex has a job helping and healing people, after being indirectly responsible for so much death. Of course when there's serious work to do and Jody needs her that beats everything, but she is so confident about what she's doing.

Also just the detail that she's the one who does antiseptic cream because anyone can theoretically do that but it's showing Alex's place as the qualified healer in the group. Based on how she gets deep with Claire AND Patience, I think that she may be a secondary emotional healer too, for stuff that's not really a "Mom" problem for Jody.

Claire says, "What about the girl?" *pause* "Kaia" trying the name out of size in her mouth for the first time, saying it weirdly soft and carefully... :')

And then we cut to Kaia being discovered just as Claire says her name. And that shot introducing her by her hand - that she will die with her hand outstretched to Claire... Oh no....

Alex checking Jody will be okay without her before she leaves - it makes Claire suspicious because the tone is suggesting emotionally, not manpower. Jody's holding off having the conversation with Claire and Alex knows it, and says she knew how Claire would react in the next scene with them... She's got all their numbers

And Claire immediately challenges Jody to tell her, all bravado, and when she says she's safe, Jody cracks and you can hear it in her voice - distress that Jody does not often show as she says "No you're not!" and finally explains what Patience saw.

Having to tell someone you saw them die is a great intro >.> I mean, definitely worse than it turning out you stole their sweater :P

Claire laughs it off but then her face falls as no one turns it into a joke, and she's clearly starting to wonder by the time Jody leans in and insists Patience is the real deal

Claire immediately goes to the bargaining stage, and then denial, followed by anger and turning it into the ongoing argument about being allowed to hunt and how Jody has been stifling her and not allowing her to hunt. It's the same argument as 11x12, and though we saw in 13x03 Jody stoically trying to accept Claire's decision in her comments on her leaving, now we see that the argument has never really gone away, but they haven't been tested by anything huge enough until now to work through it

Oh Claire... Talking about not having enough time to plan and how it's good to go charging in if people need saving. And saying she won't end up dead... Alllll the irony for later :(

Jody accuses her of running away, and off Claire goes.

Patience watching all this from the sofa like... I'm... sorry...? Oh god this is awkward.

Alex being competent :D (Also a good thing to establish if she's going to have to keep ditching her job for monster autopsies and letting Claire hang around checking the system :P)

Snark snark snark, A+ dynamic between Claire and Alex - I'm glad we see all the different levels of how well they know each other, like Alex and Patience being comfortable but not close, Claire barely knowing Patience, Claire REALLY getting on with Kaia, and of course Claire and Alex having a several years old relationship where they've warmed up to each other but still need to maintain a snarky exterior.

And like with Claire coming in the door, there's a moment where it seems like Claire's anxiously waiting on Alex's approval, and is relieved when the snark comes which reassures her that they're good and she hasn't overstepped (especially as she had been needling her, and Claire's been away from home for months).

"And I knew how you'd react"

*pause*

*deflection to snarking at her some more*

And then they get really deep about what Jody means to them and what she needs from them and who has been there for her... I don't think Alex meant it that way and she immediately knows she implied Claire left them, but Claire does take it that way, and starts explaining how she felt, about why she couldn't stay yet... And Alex points out that Jody *always* worries about her, whether she's there or not. Which stops Claire short because it comes across as such a weighty declaration - the betrayal of Jody's feelings of not being able to stop worrying about Claire no matter where she is, being so much deeper than just fussing about Claire not getting killed on her watch, which can be taken as regular over-protectiveness, especially when Jody is a hunter and sheriff so protecting people is her day-to-day... Even though Claire has started to think of Jody as her mom, she's so used to being abandoned I guess it might be hard for her to accept people still care about her when she's not around, and that she's not better off elsewhere not getting in the way, and preempting abandonment.

And Alex changes the subject, and Claire looks at her fondly for doing that, and humouring her to help with the hunt.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Claire looking at Kaia!!!

The MOMENT they did that eye thing with the close up staring I had to pause and squeal the first time because while I'd been looking forward to them interacting, I had NOT expected it to be blatantly signposted that they were about to form the most intense relationship of the episode after Claire and Jody's arc. Like, I'd added up that Claire was the main character, Kaia was plot relevant, and we see them in the promo shots in 3 separate scenes talking alone that we knew of plus they appeared to be in the Bad Place alone together so I figured they were going to spend some time building up this relationship but hoooly crap they went for it.

Claire and Kaia both play it cool for the nurse, then leap into action.

From Kaia's POV Claire might be an unusually young detective, or some sort of monster or angel... Perhaps it works best if we assume Kaia's still worried about being kidnapped by angels, for most dramatic irony, that Claire, a former angel vessel herself, wanders in like hey there and Kaia is assuming yet another angel is coming for her.

Claire wanders in like "where are you going" and though she grins at her, taken in that light it's very threatening... But then she starts talking about Kaia having the cops on her ass, which is the last thing Kaia would be worrying about.

"Who are you?" she asks, realising that Claire may not be an angel after all.

"I'm a friend of Sam and Dean Winchester" - that should be the all access card but she has no idea that Dean abducted Kaia at gunpoint and this is the worst way to make her trust Claire. But seeing that she's human, Kaia makes her escape.

Kaia's reaction to being confronted by one of these monsters in the real world, not in her dreams where "at least" they can stay if she doesn't sleep, is brilliant. Of course she'd freeze in horror... As much as she's used to running away from them, they're not supposed to BE here.

I love Claire's BAMF confidence to just pull a knife and charge the thing - though of course a light stabbing doesn't do much and she gets thrown. It takes teamwork with Jody to bring it down for her to get a good stab at it, so though she gets the kill it has to be a team effort, aka you need back up, you can't rush in and do things on your own, Claire. And who knows how things would have gone if Jody hadn't come to the hospital - I guess because Alex called her and said Claire had been by and found Kaia?

"So let's talk" It's much more confrontational than how Claire then goes and talks to Kaia. I suppose because at that point she's still running away, but somewhere between all this getting the monster in a body bag, cleaning up, getting it home, letting Kaia get dressed in something other than a hospital gown, Claire's seen she's just terrified and running, but not trouble herself... I mean, Kaia agreed to come with them, and is sitting quietly on the porch.

Idk why they are sitting out in front of the house when monsters are possibly after them :P

Patience like yeeep I'm not ready for this when they unwrap their monster. Alex so casual, like, okay, we're doing this...

Being raised by vampires probably does a number on your squeamishness. And since this is all technically for good rather than harming people, Alex has no issues with it at all.

Eeeeeeee Dreamhunter conversation!!

We've already picked over it so much >.>

Claire comes walking in all confident and opening up about the monsters - because she swaggers into every conversation, fight etc when she thinks she has the upper hand. Kaia is ready to open up, since Claire saved her, and explains what she can about the monsters and her dreams.

And then Claire assumes that Kaia is a hunter of sorts, who deals with these monsters like a BAMF - "so you fight them?" "No, I run" *Claire stares at her in horror, as it sinks in just how much Kaia must be scared and how she's been running from monsters every time she dreams* "Sometimes they catch me," Kaia admits because when we compare this to the scene in last episode with the awful group leader at the rehab place, she can't tell the truth to anyone, but now Claire knows all about monsters and so the truth is not going to make Kaia look crazy...

"Is that how you got that?" Claire asks, spotting the scar, still sizing up exactly what is happening to Kaia, and Kaia admits she has other scars all over. At this point she's clearly moved to trusting Claire and being relieved to unload a bit, even if she won't look at her, yet.

Claire sees how upset this makes Kaia, the first notes of a gentle song start in the background to show we're now bonding, and she immediately leaps to trying to make it all okay - to show her that scars are trophies and to be celebrated surviving these things. "Me too," she says, unknowingly echoing the catchphrase of the last few months, since this episode pre-dates it. Taken in this context though, and the whole author is dead thing, it's a powerful statement because in 13x09 Kaia's interactions with men and monsters were all entitlement and even Jack was grabby hands and not knowing boundaries, and Dean in his fit of panic about Mary, threatened her with a gun and lost sight of her as a person - just wanted to use her for her powers, which is a blatant metaphor. Claire got bitten by a werewolf in 12x16 in an assault-coded attack, and in her earliest episodes back on the show had a lot of blatant near-misses, terror of nighttime attacks and the sketchy caravan people thing, and now when we meet her again she's blasting away werewolves who terrorise little girls, and overcoming the old adversary. And wearing her scars with pride and no shame. And encourages Kaia to feel the same way, after being harassed by the monsters of her dark consciousness who've left their marks all over her.

Claire approaches this all with her reckless enthusiasm that makes her such a great lil Dean mirror (but also all her own self for all her other traits) - "Ghoul bite" she says like it's the coolest thing ever, and immediately Kaia is smiling to see Claire open up and show her that she's not alone or damaged in a way that will make people think less of her - because Claire at least will think it's awesome. "Bar fight with a vampire... he threw me through a window." She smiles completely pleased with herself for having lived such a badass life already. That she's got these stories to tell. Kaia is captivated by now, wanting to know more about Claire, what other stories she's got written on her body.

Claire smiles and meets her eyes and looks away, bashful.

"And this one?" Kaia reaches right into Claire's space and brushes a finger over her forehead.

(Personal space? Never heard of it :P)

It's set up as an accident (though of course it's all a writing decision) in order to make Claire get off her guard and admit she's not as cool as she makes herself sound sometimes, and not all her scars are real heroic battles. And it makes Kaia laugh, getting to see beyond Claire's facade. Which, of course, is the big old Dean Winchester parallel and she's been doing it all along, pretending one thing even when it's blatantly obvious it's not. She's got better at it as she gets older, but Kaia still gets past that layer :D

They share a few glances and giggles, and then having got through enough of Kaia's layers to establish trust and a sense of being comfortable together, Claire tries again, asking, "Kaia, what happened?" in the most gentle voice ever - because she's learned to reach out to other people now, and how to judge when's the time to ask without demanding.

And though Kaia looks scared, now we know she'll talk.

There's a green AND red cooler behind Patience :D

This monster has such a cool and disgusting design. I'm completely with Patience about not being able to look at it :P Alex is still wearing her scrubs from the hospital, completely professional.

I pointed out in a post while doing the rewatch that Alex and Claire were both wearing black and white vertical stripes and then that Patience showed up wearing them too (Claire's sweater) - I think this is the only scene you can tell, but Kaia has a sweater too and it's got black and RED stripes, the only one of them to break the pattern, and, sadly, because she's marked for death :(

I love how Kaia says "it's where that came from" and gestures the monster with an eyebrow alone. Good acting.

Patience's "ugh" face too. She is so the audience stand in here, the normal kid who has to stand in the room with a monster autopsy all of a sudden and it's not even a big deal to anyone else here in a "what the fuck this can happen!?!?" kind of way :P

Kaia lurks on the other side of the door as she explains, while Claire has moved into the room to watch the autopsy - Kaia's even talking about doors to other worlds while she explains. She looks so small and separated from them. Probably more foreshadowing she'll end up separated from them... "Something went wrong"

God that monster is disgusting. A+ design.

Claire's little smile as she realises she has a chance to save Sam and Dean. "The door's still open!"

20 minutes in and we see Sam n Dean enjoying roast lizard.

"It's a lizard. It tastes like a lizard" is quite possibly the best line Dean's ever had on the show.

I've seen a spectacular lack of irony about how Sam and Dean don't need saving because they've survived this long and lol they're just camping in the woods, like the very same writers who then let Bad Place Kaia overwhelm them in a fight didn't let them sit down and roast an iguana. Like Sam and Dean are their own living entities who managed to survive this long in the woods without supervision, and like the eye of Sauron turning on them, once the writers are dealing with their lives again, everything goes to shit and the girlpower takes over.

So to be brief: Sam and Dean are used for the dramatic irony in Kaia's comment which has been a theme all season that they say Mom is dead, Cas is dead, what's burned stays dead, and we hop over to see Mary alive, or Cas waking up in the Empty. In this case, Kaia's been persecuted by the Bad Place with an intent, because Bad!Kaia is after her for some reason, and won't let her go (which is probably why she overloaded when she tried to leave the Bad Place via non-waking up means with Jack's help - Bad!Kaia looms up in her vision and stops her from going), and Sam and Dean were just chucked here. Bad!Kaia is probably stalking them the whole time waiting for an opening but she absolutely is not bothering them like she's had it in for her alternate self, I suppose seeing them as a curiosity and probable dinner for her big friend.

They've survived this long because they're not important.

They've survived this long because they're competent at being flung into the woods with nothing to their name, because we've seen them do it before - literally last midseason opener had the same concept :P

But they're not surviving as a fuck you to Kaia's presumption they're dead, and they're not living entities with any ability to shape the story to their favour to prove a point :P Sheesh...

Anyway Sam refuses to eat his lizard because it's gross and he has hope that they can escape - it parallels the start of the season, that Sam has hope, that he's holding on to change their circumstances. Dean is wallowing in the idea that they're going to be stuck, that hope has probably petered out and the portal closed, and he he has to adapt and resign himself to their fate. That no one knows how to get here, that MAYBE Jack might find a way back to them but who knows what happened there - they don't so all they can do is walk and survive and at least get used enough to this situation to eat a lizard and not go hungry and lose strength over nothing.

And Sam's denial, of food, and that hope is over, is not healthy for him, though it bears out, if anything it enforces his beliefs - and there is NOTHING wrong with hope but spreading yourself thin, not eating, not living for yourself in the meantime... They need to combine their approaches, to mix hope with self-care.

Ugh, what a nasty looking spear :(

Patience, 100% grossed out by the monster autopsy, has decided that she has done her part and she really doesn't need to be here to oversee nonsense like this :P

Alex immediately finds her, and sees what's up.

"Is that what you want?" she asks, sounding surprised. Given Patience told her that "maybe my dad will take me back" it's clear Alex knows pretty much everything we know about Patience, that she walked out on her dad in order to deliver the message. She'd also know, then, how determined Patience was to do it, and how important it was to her to get to Jody and pass on the warning. Patience hasn't seen any action but at the very least she's bonded to seeing through the story connected to her vision. Alex understands that Patience has made a personal sacrifice for this, and that asking her dad to take her back is going to have more connotations than just going home because it all got a bit too ikky - it's putting visions behind her, putting this whole thing behind her, and wanting to be normal again. And Alex, as I said, seems to have everyone's number :P

(She used to be very good at picking out marks >.>)

She snarks that Patience will pretend she's "Little miss perfect and not a powerful psychic" like Patience can't do both. I mean come on, give her a chance, she's got an in built perfectionist streak that's going to end up applied to hunting just as hard as it was applied to school, just watch if we get a show :P But yeah, no, the connotation is to go home and just do exams and try to be normal. The message coming from Alex is blatantly obvious, as we've been seeing from the start - the Alex of 9x19 and then the Alex of 11x12 are both gone, and instead we have an Alex who found her balance, and a true motivation.

"Well, you gotta bury 'em somewhere." Honestly at this point this is when I realised Alex is the secret weapon to this whole project because she's extremely funny and because she's got dark dark humour, and that dark dark history, and that doesn't go away, she just channels it into being this domestic, loving healer type who's got a dark streak miles deep.

In any case, Patience needs to do the whole "refusing the call" thing a few times because she has a main character arc of her own which we frustratingly don't get to see the end results of because the vision that took her here and ended the episode with coming true wrong, is a huge development for her, but we're gonna need the show to find out how it affected her. I mean it's great to leave it all hanging but graaaarrrr I neeeed it nooowww

The story, of course, has different ideas. Patience, it says, you're one of us, you're a main character here! So rather than let her go, it gives her a vision to make her immediately have a dramatic concern to protect them, and so she comes running back and of course she has the perfect getaway vehicle in her massive car...

I would LOVE to know what Claire and Kaia were talking about downstairs together, but I think it's also just nice to know they chose to sit close together and talk when we weren't looking at them, that they bonded closer... Because of course this is something that Berens has helped write before - the mixtape scene is the prime example of showing that there's a whole iceberg under the surface of DeanCas interaction and that they know each other better than we will ever know them, because they get all that time when they're not on screen having adventures to get to know each other, if the story will let them. And clearly it does, because Dean made Cas a mixtape.

Anyways, Claire and Kaia, who have a gentle, flirty dynamic, spent at least 10-20 minutes talking in private :')

Claire is prone to looking at Patience's lips too. Oops. I guess she's just surrounded by cute girls so what to do??

She and Patience have the vision as the core conflict, that Patience feels Claire blew off her vision and she accuses her that she came here to save her and Claire just wants to fight monsters... And Kaia is the one who intervenes in the fight and convinces Claire to be rational and go. I LOVE the angry stare-off between Claire and Patience though - that Patience thinks that Claire thinks she's a fake, when Claire's a lil freaked out and putting on a lot of bravado about it.

And the camera going between them, to Kaia who reaches in and pulls Claire out of defying Patience for more bravado.

But also that in the wider narrative this episode is set up around Patience's vision and her misinterpreting it as being about Claire dying - but it's Kaia, and that teaches Claire to have less bravado, to rely on the others and to have her "army" as she thinks of them, of support to plan and help and work as a team.

For now, Kaia's intervention is enough to soften her, just as her overall meaning to Claire will soften her :(

Kaia's face as she watches the monsters smash up the house. Claire's as she has to accept this is really happening and Patience was right - which means her vision about Claire will happen...

Patience just annoyed no one will listen to her

TIME FOR D-TRAIN

I love how Patience even thinks for a moment the National Guard might help in a monster situation.

Donna gets the best entrance this episode. Sorry Claire :P

Now she's here they really get to work. Donna gets out her weapons to badass music, drops the hilarious Minnesota line, and Jody calls Kaia aside to work out where they're supposed to go to find that door.

With the help of Alex beating Sam Winchester in a game of wifi tag

Getting in another reaction shot of Patience on "who knows howta use a flamethrower?" was genius.

Jody's resigned look as she revs up for another stay back and wait speech - wheedling Claire. She looks over and sees they're all watching her, wondering what Jody is asking her perhaps, or knowing it. Kaia is in the foreground, and Jody says "Kaia and the girls" and I watched and giffed waaaay too recently for my Dean n Cas are in love gif series, 5x04 where Dean says to 2009!Dean that he's going to feed all his friends into the meat grinder - Cas too??

I think Jody thinks of Alex and Patience more as the girls under her protection because they have a pre-existing relationship, even if Patience's is newer, while Kaia is still basically unknown to her. But that just implies further that Kaia is under Claire's protection instead, already. Before Claire says anything.

I cry a lot about them already :P

And Jody's surprise when Claire gives in with only a glance over at Kaia because she was expecting the fight. She's smart enough not to throw that back at Claire and turn it into a victory or demand to know what changed.

Sam belatedly seeming to think they're in a different universe, not a different world - and the fact they HAVE that distinction in the first place... I think it may just be settling in how far from home they are, and how difficult it will be to get back.

Again, Dean concerned with the practicalities, cleaning his boots, grumbling, accepting that this is pretty much their life now while Sam is still philosophising and coming to terms with it.

Bad!Kaia has some serious moves :D Just thinking of the spear connection, when they fought Ramiel they got the better of him. But she's small and fast and has clearly learned to fight from the very start and the spear is a natural extension of herself. It's not some big showy fight, she's small and strong and wants them knocked out and on the floor.

Donna knowing they found the right place because the Impala is parked outside of it. Perfect :D

This is all she does this episode except for driving the Winchesters home - just telling Jody and Donna where to go.

And they march on in like the competent badasses they are :D

The weirdness of what they're walking into slowly sinks in as they pass the melted angel blade - Jody knows what one is from 12x06, where she would be more like the average hunters who, like Asa, think of it as so special to keep back and put in a felt-lined box. She's never seen wingprints before either. And then there's the glow of the portal from upstairs...

Claire sits in silent contemplation, and Kaia takes it as her chance to come reassure Claire, since Claire sat with her and made her feel better last night. Claire smiles to herself before she moves over, happy to see her. And Kaia watches her closely, leaning around to catch Claire's expression, so she can diagnose that Claire is scared...

Here we get to the most important lines for Claire as a Dean mirror - the thing Dean's been grappling with for years and Berens had a whole section about in 12x22 where Dean talked about how they might die, when they thought they were facing their end in the suffocating Bunker. Claire sees her end, and expresses it the same way Dean does - she wanted to go down swinging, doing something heroic and good that would mean she lived a good life. Something to prove to herself, in death, that she had saved herself :( I mean, Dean's faced this a lot, in season 3, in season 10 especially. But Claire is young and has only ever really known the swagger of being a hunter, tempered by mistakes and losses, but nothing that could set her back more than her drive to do it.

I think Kaia sees her as a real hero because of the way she saved her, because of the way she talks about her life, and seeing her as confronting that she wanted to die heroically, knowing that this is how Claire feels, that she's all in for being a swaggering hero if she could be...

Stuff like "get myself killed" and "sit back and let Jody handle it" remind us how young Claire is, and how Jody still fills a motherly role in protecting her. Though Claire is now presumably legally an adult with no more coming of age milestones or will be very soon (she must be coming up on 21 if her birthday is towards the end of a season) this is like the last hurdle to adulthood - learning to be responsible and for Jody to trust her with her own life, a struggle that goes both ways between them and sadly eats up Kaia in the learning of it >.>

"But Sam and Dean saved my life and I *can't* sit this one out" - Claire carries on talking and starts to talk herself into it. Kaia listening, sees where Claire's heart is, and though she has no love lost for Sam and Dean, sees what they mean to Claire - that at the very least she has them to thank for ever meeting Claire, who saved her life, so that passes on... And so she appeals to Claire's hero side, knowing it will be what Claire needs. And that for Claire she would do just about anything. She'd go with her into the Bad Place, if that is where Claire needed to go.

God I wish they had kissed at that moment :P The camera cuts away and we go to Jody and Donna's badass scene with the monsters.

"Ooofta."

Donna seeing something cosmically huge for the first time, and finding proof that hunting is not just the ghosts and vampires that come through the towns you look after, but sometimes on a scale unimaginable to the daily life of a sheriff...

Jody knows too but she also knows this is where she has to go so off she charges - And when Donna pulls her back she's still staring at the portal with a finality, and certaintly. And fear. Gosh she's good at this whole thing :'D

"I'm going in," she says, firmly, the next shot showing her less scared and more resolute. "If I don't, she will. Donna, I cannot lose another child." And then she turns and gives the spooked Donna that sad, almost farewell smile, because she doesn't know she can come back from this and I suppose she trusts Donna to be her back up here, to stop Claire going in after her, or to come with her and help...

Who knows because the monsters shake them out of it, and they have to check it out. Perhaps she was going to leave Jody behind but she just can't while while there are monsters there. Her instinct is not to rush in, and it's to protect everyone around her, and that ultimately saves her from rushing in and doing a Claire, and getting Donna killed.

But it still gets them to a dead end hiding in the car, without back up of all the girls.

(Wow all the Jody scenes are so powerful... Kim Rhodes just fills the screen all the time and I love her. An incredible amount.)

Mislabelling - Dean calls "Darth Dickwad" "he" when talking about the dinner bell which I think also some of the less well-inclined towards this episode peeps have taken as gospel truth, that the thing in the hood was some other creature, male the whole time until it revealed itself with Kaia's face like a shapeshifter, instead of just being her the whole time. (She's had boobs the whole time, it's not a good theory but if you want a man to be the only one strong enough to take out other men in a fight, sure :P)

But in meta terms, the label being wrong is a long long theme, and Dean misunderstanding the hooded figure's gender because he's making this assumption too or just isn't objectifying her figure where it's visible through the robes and just assuming that slim and strong means a small but very dangerous guy... Who knows :P He's not really had a good look at her.

It would be SO easy to write "she" and not think about this concept or have Jensen mis-say "she" knowing it's Yadi or a female double on set so the "He" has to be very deliberately said and written. That there is a meta point to Dean being wrong, and again with the labelling.

I like how Claire's like, "Patience, gimme your keys" - not can you drive us to this spot, but I wanna do some illegally fast stunt driving to get us there on time and this isn't a debate :P I guess just her being a leader in attitude as well.

I just love this badass set up of Jody and Donna in the car together, mirroring 11x04, but in a badass fight scene, while Sam and Dean took the pose to be a time to talk about feelings. Perfect.

Donna just says "alrighty then," not sentiments, and then the monsters start clambering on the car and they're shooting.

Jody's FACE when she sees the girls with the flamethrower.

Honestly the fact Claire took the flamethrower off... And no one picked it up??? Pfft.

Claire and Jody go through a silent exchange of their argument as Claire realises it's the portal, and bolts towards it, Jody chasing after her.

Patience and Alex standing there like... should we be doing something about this?? And the monsters???

"Oh hell," Jody says, seeing Claire has found the portal and is already sizing it up, getting ready to walk into it. And it's getting smaller, meaning that it's now or never. And there's no time for any more arguments about it. Claire saved her life and it's not like a weird barter system or anything but maybe she can trust Claire... it's almost like in the new star wars where Leia tells Poe off for always jumping in an x-wing and blowing things up without thinking but then when an emergency comes, the response is, yes jump in an x-wing and blow something up :P

That arc was more strongly focussed on his leadership but tbh Claire and Poe maybe share a personality type. She'd be one hell of a pilot.

ANYWAY Just avoiding talking about Jody having to let Claire go into the portal and saying "I know" and giving her that little wink, like, I love you but it's your life and I can't stop you, and maybe we need someone to swagger in like the big hero and just get it done, and I'm so incredibly proud that you have this instinct to do the big hero stuff...

... Ohhh this is all hurting soooo much because of how it ends :(

There's just so much power in Jody's looks, you can SEE how much she loves Claire and how much she doesn't want her to go but she knows she has to.

Broken up with Donna's "oh there he is! Hiya buddy!" because in the opening we see Donna's reaction to seeing a vampire for the first time of total horror, but now she's adapted, it's no different to growing up in a hunting culture in Minnesota... Sure the things are weirder, but it's cross-applicable skills :')

She may talk down to the monsters to make them seem less scary for the girls, but when there's tons, and she knows the odds, she doesn't make a grand stand, she tells the girls to run and covers their escape.

"Little help!?" she calls as casually as she can up the stairs, while probably Patience shrieks "HELP"

This distracts Jody from her moment with Claire is already looking to the portal again, resolved to go.

She looks to Jody for final approval and Jody does that amazing little nod and "Go" because to her they already resolved it and they're wasting time - or at least that's what she wants to convey to Claire while her eyes shine with tears and she watches with utterly restrained sadness and fear.

Claire nods, and looks over at Kaia, who just looks freaked out

Because she's agreed to go to The Bad Place, and oh boy that's all hitting home right now

"I'll protect you," Claire says, full of confidence that she can do this, and holding out her hand, and they Legend of Korra their way into the rift... But this is the beginning of a painful story, not the end of one, and so Claire leads and Kaia follows. The music kicks up a bit of intensity with a guitar riff as they take hands, and through they go.

On the other side, Claire immediately scopes out the portal to check they have a way back, while asking if Kaia is okay, in full hunter mode. Kaia grabs at Claire's arms to find her hand again, and pulls her towards the sound of the monsters, towards her nightmares, resolved to do this.

Meanwhile: some fun throwing around of furniture, Alex shooting like she's at a shooting range, Patience shrieking some more

Claire saves the boys. "My hero" Dean says, recognising the give and take of saving lives that they do in this industry. Owing one to Claure is something to process later but they're going to have to think of her as an adult and fellow hunter now.

She's a year off how old Sam was in season 1.

They sort of don't even question how Claire is here - she came with Kaia and they were vaguely local to Jody when it all went down and that's enough to bridge the gap at least for getting the hell out of here and assuming they're not hallucinating :P

Sam still has to ask about Jack, though. Of course. Kaia shrugs and says he must be at the other place because, well, he was trying to get there. And whether she can see it or not - if she has some impression from when she was screaming and melting all the angels or what...

Good enough for now, monster is coming :P

I LOVE DONNA REASSURING PATIENCE THAT SHE GOT THIS

"let's get to work"

Not "we've got work to do" but recognising they're already hard at it, recontextualising an iconic show line less to be about expectations of work later and more to just getting down and doing things :P

WHY DID THEY STOP FOR A LINE UP AT THE PORTAL JUST RUN THROUGH IT IT'S OKAY IT'S DEFINITELY THE RIGHT PORTAL

JUST GO FULL TILT INTO IT AND BE DONE WITH THE BAD PLACE

Kaia hearing Bad!Kaia coming - or sensing her. She has great reflexes to shove Claire out the way - or some connection to her Bad Place Self... And I wonder at what Bad!Kaia was trying to do - if she wanted to kill Claire, or if she knew Kaia would jump in front of the spear.

Anyway OW OH NO KAIA OH NO OH NO OH NO

This sucks but I'm taking it all on the chin on the absolute understanding that we're getting Kaia back if we get this show and the story hasn't even begun yet and that Kaia is going to be so utterly central to it this is only the beginning for her character and she's going to emerge like a beautiful butterfly from this lil set back, and no one stays permanently dead, especially not when they're introduced with a romance and then their evil double seemingly pops up before the end credits :P

Anyway in her last moments Kaia struggles to look at Claire, and grasps for her hand, squeezing it so tight she compresses Claire's fingers, and Claire is just stunned, whispering "Kaia" to round off how she first said her name at the beginning of the episode when she had no idea what it would mean to her in the next 24 hours.

Claire can hardly look away as Kaia dies, despite the sound of the approaching monster.

That's a big boy.

I wonder what Donna would say to him :P

Claire goes in a full snarling rage to attack the hooded figure, and is restrained and pulled back

Patience gets in a great shot which knocks back a single monster that was running straight at her, after a few hilariously bad shots

Her look of stunned horror is such a hilarious part of this episode. We need more newbie hunters who aren't just like, victim of the week or whatever, they're press-ganged into the life and it's like what the heeeell why am I dooooing this?? :P

Well I mean we could have a whole first season of her figuring it out XD everyone seems so gung-ho to be a hunter or get protected and stay back. She's not just a random civilian defending herself, she's literally grappling with if this is her life or not and all signs point to yes despite how horrifying she finds it :P

Aaaand they come back through the portal and it closes and Claire wails the most anguished "Noooooooooo!!"

And that's when Patience comes in with the others and realises Claire isn't even hurt - but a part of her just died

Jody silently asking Sam what happened - is Kaia okay? And he just shakes his head.

SILENT COMMUNICATION. Love it. Love that I still get an itty bitty fix of Jam in the middle of all this :P

Sam is still up for communicating with Jody - Dean's just looking on in sympathetic sadness to what Claire is going through.

The back and forth between Claire in agony and Kaia lying dead on the ground just drives home what Patience is realising - that she misread everything and it was Claire in mourning and Kaia's death that she saw, but the details not giving her enough context to realise it wasn't what it seemed.

And, yeah, Jody holding Claire like Claire held Amelia when she died - ouchies :(

But Jody soothing Claire... oh my heart. Jody has gone through about 1000 different emotions this episode and it's been AMAZING. If anyone thinks the girls can't act then Jody would still carry it for them.

Sam and Dean respectfully wearing black as the girls get on with cleaning up the house. Blah blah people covered Dean saying "i" and Sam pointing out how shut down Claire was as a parallel to how Dean was at the start of this season - so much about grief and loss this year, again.

Jody's got a lot of mixed blessings - Claire is back but broken, her house is smashed up but she has a lot of new hands to help her fix it. And they saved Sam n Dean but there may still be a whole bunch of monsters around town for them to deal with.

What a great sentiment to define this show's place in the mythos: "We will handle it. C'mon, you guys take care of the world! We got Sioux Falls covered." Showing they have a place, respecting Sam n Dean's importance to the greater narrative, but also defining the show as having no huge mytharc because you can't compete with Sam n Dean on the cosmic level, but you can have a personal level mytharc - something like Bad Place Kaia and the emotional drama that would bring - to still have high stakes and high personal meaning for it all... And we're invested in all these characters, the ones we've known forever because we've known them forever and seen them grow into this, the new ones because of their potential and what they will bring to the dynamics of the show...

And Sam and Dean love Jody so much and she waves goodbye to them and sends them back to the main story, and sighs and goes to see how Claire is doing.

Still crying in her/Patience's room (they need to settle that :P)

"You were right," she says because this whole episode was stacked against her over-confidence, to bring her down to have a more careful approach to hunting, to sadly learn a lesson that was building all the time we knew her as an aspiring hunter. Carelessness is an interesting flaw, and over-confidence, and I don't want to see them disappear from Claire - and judging by the end monologue they haven't, she's just reapplying them and learning to be a little less hasty, a little more reliant on teamwork... But yeah, I think Claire is an interesting mess, and she's so young and started so young on the show we've seen every single one of her traumas collect together to make who she is.

(And Kaia is owed like a billion times the character development off of Claire's pain if they get the show so that she can have it paid back for dying like this for Claire's >.>)

"I said I'd protect her," she says, her voice breaking and a tear coming out of her eye - c'mon, people really think Kathryn can't act? She's breaking my heart :P Bringing it back to Kaia and that's when it makes Claire cry, to think of her promise to Kaia, that Kaia took the stray bullet for her (... and the spin off had better subvert the heck out of that trope >.>) and Claire failed to protect her like she'd thought she could.

Having had someone to protect - and losing someone - makes her finally understand Jody, and she mentions the feeling of losing someone you can't protect, that you felt that much love for whether it's a kid or your first crush that really seemed like it might be something real and good for you...

And I mentioned riiight at the top, that Claire never got the speech from Jody that she gave Alex and Patience, because we saw Claire being sent off to Jody without hearing Jody make her any promises. So it's like, Jody finally has an in to reach out to Claire and for Claire to listen, the equivalent of the end of 9x19 or 13x03 for Alex and Patience. "You don't have to do this alone" - which is also the message of the show, that they're a family, that they're not alone when all the family work together.

"When you're ready, if you want, we're all here for you." And that's Jody's final invitation for Claire to stay for real.

One last humour beat with Donna, Alex and Patience, who are definitely going to be the most fun characters in any combination or all of those 3 :D

Alex giving her a "Welcome to the family" is a lighter version of the heartfelt stuff Jody just said to Claire - extending an invitation to the newbie to the dynamic that she's passed their bonding ritual of fighting side by side and she's no longer just an awkward house guest, but one of them.

Jody comes in and stops to survey them, perhaps giving an uncertain verdict on if they're keeping Claire.

Maybe just to ask them what takeout they want. She probably told them she was gonna go talk to Claire, though, so they're all wondering about her.

Claire continues her hunter journal, now writing from the heart, starting a new page of her life.

Coming downstairs to join the family.

there's 4 chairs that survived the attack on the house - which the established family (Alex, Jody, Patience and Donna) are sitting in, and a folding chair set out for Claire if she wants it, and a different coloured plate (actually, Patience, the other newbie to the settled family dynamic in Sioux Falls since Claire left, has a green plate too, but a real chair). And the 6th chair is just gone. Kaia is not currently a part of this family set up, but the space remains for her.

Claire monologues basically stuff to that effect - she's staying because they're going to get strong, and fight her chosen battle. She thinks. She mentions "family" "army" and "need" which in the SPN language has a lot of mixed connotations - family is good, army is a bit uncertain about if you're using them for the right reasons, and "need" has a lot of back and forth about if it's good or bad, to use people or to be incomplete without them, for good or bad. In this context it all for now comes across as a very positive message of unity and strength between them all, but idk if it's healthy long-term for Claire based on the critique to these words in the main show, or if she's escaping to a world governed by Jody's heart, where these things might be less dramatic and painful :P

"They think I'm staying because I'm broken" I guess it's pretty open among them all how wrecked Claire is about Kaia - they all know there was something special or that something about it hit Claire very hard and maybe they can think it was losing someone she swore to protect in battle, especially sacrificing herself for Claire, or maybe one or the other of them has gleaned how Claire's heart was broken too.

I love the last glad look Jody gives Claire, happy to see she's come down to join them. The others are chatting without particularly directed eye contact as they pass around the food as a symbolic thing of unity.

"The thing that killed Kaia is still out there" she says as we see the now familiar opening of a portal.

"I don't care if I have to tear another hole in the universe" - I think this phrasing is particularly ominous given season 13 as a whole with the AU hopping and Billie's warning about AU hopping as knocking over the whole cosmic house of cards. Even without what happens in this show, in the main show we still have Jack in the AU with Mary, and some drama with Michael sure to still unfold. And I'm really starting to worry that this is all still a red herring for the real problems, caused by universe hopping. The phrase "tear another hole" is so violent, and she's got Winchester determination to do it at any cost which is reflecting back on them, not just in general but even just last episode they were at an any costs struggle to get to Mary including tearing holes in the universe when they were told not to.

And finally the dramatic irony - Claire looks into the camera and says "we're going to find it and I'm going to kill it" and "it" pulls back the hood to reveal she's been Bad Place Kaia all along, and now she's here with an agenda...

Which goes with, as I was saying earlier, all the dramatic irony through all of season 13 about alternate universes and not knowing the state of things, misinterpretations, mislabelling and generally getting things very very wrong, when we know better. We are allowed to see there's still hope for Kaia in the long run and that Claire's mission is so VERY much more complicated than she thinks it is. One thing is certain - she is NOT going to accomplish this goal and we know it as soon as Bad!Kaia pulls back her hood :P

NOW GIVE US THIS SHOW SO WE CAN SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEEEEXT

#13x10 #season 13 spoilers #my stuff #whoops :p #at least this way we have hindsight commentary on everything #no wild guessing fun though :P

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imaginetonyandbucky · 7 years

Text

A Home Of Mourners - Chapter 2

Written by @xtaticpearl

A/N: There are two chapters to this story due to its length. Warnings for mild swearing, implied violence, implied dark thoughts

They were around the fifth week of staying, three weeks since Steve had actually started talking in more than stilted sentences, when Sam walked into the apartment and dropped a newspaper into Bucky’s lap, all the while talking in hushed tones to someone on the phone.

“What?” Bucky asked but Sam’s back was stiff and his eyes were tense. Peeling open the newspaper, Bucky began reading through the headlines and it didn’t take him long to understand why Sam was high-strung.

“Fucking asshole,” Bucky swore and it fit well in his mouth as he flipped open his own phone to dial a familiar number.

“Captain Barnes,” JARVIS answered and Bucky was spitting mad, fear and worry being a potent churning in his gut.

“Where is he?” Bucky demanded and caught movement in the corner of his eye, Clint walking in from the washroom to take a peek of the paper, “Get him on the phone, right now.”

“I am afraid Sir is - busy at the moment, Captain Barnes,” JARVIS replied and Bucky could see Clint whipping out his own phone to rapidly type out a message to someone, face drawn tight.

“I don’t give a fuck, JARVIS, tell him to get on the phone right now or I’m gonna kill him,” Bucky barked, fingers clenched into a fist as he ignored Sam exchanging a look with someone over Bucky.

Watch out for the break

There was a brief silence on the line before JARVIS came back on, sounding more annoyed himself.

“Sir has asked you not to do the Mandarin’s job for him,” the AI said and Bucky stood up so fast that he was certain he should have gotten whiplash.

“You better stay put, Tony, or I’ll do more than just kill you, you hear me?” he growled into the phone and cut the call with a snap, heart jack-hammering in his chest.

“Natasha is co-ordinating with SHIELD to get him security detail in Malibu right now,” Clint said and Sam cut his own call.

“Rhodey says Pepper’s on her way to Tony’s place right now,” he said.

“What do you mean Tony’s place?” Bucky asked and Sam exchanged a look with Clint, “What?”

“Cap, you know that they broke up a month back, right?” Clint asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No - that’s not - I spoke to him yesterday,” Bucky felt his breath stutter as he mentally calculated every time he unloaded his issues to Tony while the guy kept quiet about his own break-up. The urge to shoot something was getting higher by the minute and the thought of Tony getting hurt by the Mandarin wasn’t helping in any way.

“Trouble?” Steve asked quietly from behind and Bucky turned around to see him watching them with cautious eyes.

“It’s Tony,” Bucky clenched his hands for a second before relaxing but Steve’s eyes caught them, “Steve, we - I have to go.”

Steve didn’t say anything for a minute but then nodded and shot the first shadow of a smile at Bucky.

“I think I finally recognize you now,” he said and gestured at Sam and Clint, who were already packing up, “Go home, Buck.”

Bucky nodded and didn’t ask if Steve would be coming too but it must have shown on his face because Steve took a breath.

“I know the place,” he said softly, “I’ll come when I’m ready.”

Bucky smiled slightly at that, a bitter acceptance but also a relief.

“I know, punk,” he said and went to pack his own bag to leave.

They received live feed of the attack while mid-flight and Bucky barked orders into two lines of SHIELD and Avengers command even as he watched the Malibu mansion crumble. His fury turned into ice when he saw the Iron Man suit get dragged into the ocean, drowning into darkness as the missiles blasted the house.

“ETA?” he asked Natasha over the comm, blood running cold as he tried to track any movement of the suit resurfacing.

“15 minutes, Cap,” she replied and Clint tried to push their own jet to the limit.

When they reached Malibu, Bucky walked into the ruins of a home and felt like he’d lost a battle before it had even begun. He caught sight of Pepper and a brunette huddled near an ambulance.

“Pepper, you okay?” he asked as he closed in on them and assessed the brunette who was eyeing the place with terror mixed with something that looked close to guilt.

“James, thank God,” Pepper sighed in relief and gestured towards the other woman, “We’re fine, Tony got us out in time before -”

She choked up for a second and Bucky ignored it till she regained her balance to continue.

“This is Maya Hansen,” she introduced the woman, “She’s a biological coder.”

“Captain America,” Hansen nodded as she offered a hand but Bucky looked at her for a minute.

“What’s a biological coder doing here?”

“I - came to ask for Tony’s help,” she replied, withdrawing her hand slowly, “I needed his input on a research and -”

“Now? When he had threatened a terrorist?” Bucky cut in, ignoring Pepper’s sharp look.

“That’s part of why I wanted to talk to him, actually,” Hansen said, eyes shifting to Pepper for a bit before she looked back at Bucky, “I work for AIM, Advanced Idea Mechanics, and I think - I think my boss is working with the Mandarin.”

Bucky was aware of his team gathering behind him by then but kept his eyes trained on Maya, pulling on the calm of the battlefield.

“Ms. Hansen, let’s talk,” he said and gestured towards the Quinjet that was landing right then, with Natasha piloting it.

It would have been ridiculously easy to get furious at Hansen or Killian or Pepper or definitely Tony when Bucky got out the entire story on the way to the location Hansen had told Natasha. He felt like he was going on another mission into the Alps and was going to let his life slip between his fingers over a train. Around him he could hear everyone making plans, coordinating and matching notes about Killian. Bruce was working with Hansen over the Extremis virus that she said had caused the malfunctions that people considered human bombs. Pepper was on the ground, holding fort in case any communication came to her. Everything was in place and he should have felt surer, more confident with the people around him, but Bucky felt numb.

He remembered going to sleep for five weeks with Tony’s voice in his ear. The small laugh he let out when Bucky said something particularly sarcastic, the quiet sigh that meant he was trying hard to not call Bucky as idiot, the smug grin in his voice when he proved a point right to Bucky; it was a rush of memories and Bucky felt himself drowning in them.

“You okay?” Sam asked from beside him and Bucky clenched the shield uselessly, eyes fixed on the ground.

“I didn’t know,” he replied and Sam made a quiet sound.

“He’s a bit of a proud guy, maybe he didn’t want to tell you about his break-up and -”

“No, Sam, I didn’t know,” Bucky stressed quietly, mind rushing through all the moments he had wondered why Tony was talking to him and not spending time with Pepper but never asking him about it. Was it really because he wanted to give Tony space or did Bucky feel grateful about it? Was he purposefully ignoring all the obvious signs just because he got Tony, got to spend time with him, for himself, and he didn’t want any ideas to take that away? Was it relief of not talking about the elephant in the room or had Bucky not wanted to not address it at all, because he had been confused and then clear but terrified? Because he was - he was -

“Oh,” Sam said quietly and then again, “Oh”

“I think I got so used to using him for Steve that I didn’t want to think about anything else,” Bucky said, feeling the coil of wretchedness and anguished longing in his gut, “It was easy. It was so easy to take things for granted.”

“He’s gonna be fine, Cap,” Sam said after a beat of silence, “He’s Iron Man. Guy escaped terrorists once by making himself an armour. He’s pretty strong.”

“The strong break hardest,” Bucky murmured into the bowed silence and Sam didn’t reply to that, letting the sentiment soak into the air around them.

By the time they reached the the Norco, Bucky could see Extremis soldiers attacking two men who were trying to infiltrate the tanker.

The team jumped into action and Bucky was never more glad for having a gun and his shield, swapping both weapons with ease as he took down the soldiers. When he finally got to Rhodes, the man called out to him even as he shot down an attack.

“Get Tony! I’ve got the President!”

“Get him to the Jet!” Bucky yelled back but Rhodes jumped across the railing and took down another soldier.

“I’ve got something better coming!,” he answered and Bucky was about to ask about it when he heard familiar whines of repulsors and looked up to see a slew of Iron Man suits flying in.

“Go!” Rhodey yelled as he jumped into the air and a suit caught him, “Killian’s the Mandarin. He injected Tony with something. He needs the antidote!”

Bucky felt fire rush through his veins and rushed through the place, dodging attack and trying to hone in to the place where he could see Killian fighting Tony over a chasm of over 200 feet, both men stumbling over a narrow bridge.

“Cap, jump!” he heard Sam’s voice over the comm and blindly jumped, trusting Falcon to come through. Sam dropped him off on the bridge and covered him from the air as Bucky rushed towards Tony.

He was two feet away when it happened.

Killian jumped off the bridge but not before pushing Tony over towards the burning mess below. Bucky leapt the last feet and scrambled to catch Tony but felt his hand close over empty air as he watched Tony let out a choked scream as he fell into the fire. The visual of Tony’s twisted face, eyes blown wide and desperation in an outstretched hand clung to Bucky’s mind and he froze for a second. It was a repeat of history, watching someone he needed fall as he failed to catch them. It was death all over again and Bucky felt numbness seep through him. The urge to jump, to follow and end this unending cycle of watching people he loved die.

It hit him with the force of a tornado that he would never get the chance to try, to even try to say that to Tony. He would never get to ask him about his day, the way he did when Bucky called. He would never get to return his smile. He would never get to nudge Tony’s shoulder as they sat together watching a movie.

He would never get Tony.

Losing Steve had been rage and guilt. Losing Tony was emptiness and a gutted home.

His eyes caught sight of KIllian, safe and escaping below, and Bucky let the ice take control, let his senses get cold with precision. He had always known that he wasn’t Steve’s brand of goodness but for the first time, he was glad about it. He wanted to be ruthless. He wanted vengeance.

“No,” he whispered and straightened up, leaping off the bridge to the ground, landing a few feet away from Killian.

“You can’t stop me, Captain,” Killian sneered, glowing fire in chunks and Bucky picked up his shield.

“I can do a lot more,” he said and aimed for Killian’s head when a mini-missile flew at the man. Bucky turned in time to see a repulsor blast onto the missile and watched Killian burst in front of him.

“And that’s for Happy,” a glowing Tony declared as he lowered his gauntlet and Bucky knew hallucination, knew nightmares but this was too much.

“Tony,” he breathed out and took three quick strides towards him but Tony stepped back in haste.

“Whoa, no, Cap, stay back,” he said, and he was glowing orange, “This thing isn’t stable yet, I’ll burn you.”

“Shut up,” Bucky choked out as he crossed the distance and dragged Tony, cool and not burning, into his arms, shoving his face between Tony’s neck and shoulder.

“Okay, so I’m not that hot apparently, that’s good, hey, Cap, James,” Tony flailed for a second before his arms came around Bucky and he patted awkwardly.

“I hate you,” Bucky muttered into Tony’s neck and the genius let out a watery laugh, “I hate you and I’m going to kill you, you asshole.”

“Missed you too, James,” Tony answered and Bucky understood what Steve meant when he said that he’d come home when he was ready. Bucky thought he’d been home for years, ever since he had been defrosted, but right now, in the middle of a burning aftermath and in the arms of the most infuriating man alive, he knew that home was worth the wait when you found it.

“Guess we both finally came home,” he said into Tony’s skin and felt the man freeze before Tony’s arms tightened around him.

“Just entering the driveway,” he replied, a slight grin in his voice, “Got a few more steps to reach home.”

Bucky leaned back and grinned at Tony’s bewildered expression.

“Sounds like fun,” he said and Tony laughed, eyes crinkling as Bucky took Tony’s weight, ready to take him home.

When Steve finally came to the Tower after a few months, they were ready for him, Bucky and Tony standing side by side as they welcomed him into their home. A home Bucky had found and built with a man he had met in a disaster, to write a new destiny together.

#tony x bucky #tony stark #bucky barnes #winteriron #captain america bucky barnes #ws steve rogers #xtaticpearl #prompts

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