#but i know im a lot of his emotional support and network

[chuuyanakaahara]

mm. might break up with my boyfriend today.

#its not. his fault. but im not like. #into him anymore i think. it just feels exhausting to talk to him #i havent msged him back all day and its honestly been chill. like i dont feel obligated to #to talk to him. which is cool. #but i know im a lot of his emotional support and network #and i dont want to rid him of that right before we both move to (the same) college #but its Exhausting #and hes brought on a serious talk today abt needing more support. which is fair bc ive been distant and cold. and idk what to say. #bc i dont. i dont know man. i dont wanna break up and break his heart bc hes gonna hurt a whole lot more than me #cherri.txt #vent

[biggiedraws]

okay i just finished rewatching fma brotherhood and can we please talk about how fuckin 15 ed is. like lots of anime protagonists are 15 but ed is *so* 15.

like- he needs to disguise the car so he makes it into a 15 year olds idea of a really cool car, and its so cringe the adults force him to change it. he makes ling a sword and puts a little skull on the handle (for literally no reason except that he presumably thought it would be cool, even though they were in the middle of getting their asses kicked by envy) and then gets defensive when ling calls it lame. he gets riled up unbelievably easily over NOTHING. his fighting style is scrappy- hes experienced but not disciplined, and he'll use whatevers on hand to get the job done. he'll mess around in the middle of a fight, use unnecessarily flashy moves/weapons, and hes just generally a nuisance in combat. he gets really flustered when people insinuate that winry is his girlfriend, and then when he DOES confess to her 2 years later he uses a fucking alchemy metaphor because hes a NERD.

im saying all of this with affection by the way- hes a cringe 15 year old because 15 year olds are cringe! i feel like most of the time these high school age protagonists are basically just adult characters with more naive ideals, or theyre a bit more emotional, or they have "childish" interests. ESPECIALLY with these high stakes action-adventure stories, where the fate of the world is in their hands. but a kid can have the weight of the world on their shoulders and still handle their emotions poorly, act recklessly, goof off at inappropriate times, and generally think and act in a way that adults wouldnt. and still be mature and competent characters! i mean, ed is a GREAT protagonist. he has a full understanding of the stakes and he knows how and when to get serious. but he also does shit like breaking into a secret government laboratory, alone, in the middle of the night, with no plan, and nearly gets himself killed in the process. because hes a reckless kid! and if he HADNT done that, they never would have found out the enemys plan in time!

and its just so perfectly executed- instead of childish traits being sprinkled on top of adult problem solving and emotional regulation, him being 15 informs how he acts all the time! sometimes this is a good thing because he solves problems in a unique way, and sometimes it causes even MORE problems. its a fundamental aspect of his character that contributes to both his strong and weak points.

and my absolute favourite part is that hes still treated like a person worthy of his title and reputation- not only by the adult characters, but by the narrative itself. but he isnt treated like an adult either! the adults around him dont talk down to him, but they also dont have adult expectations of him. theres a whole bit about how the adults shouldnt stand by while the children are on the battlefield- insinuating that while the children are worthy of standing on the battlefield alongside them, they also feel some responsibility to lead them since theyre the adults. which is super reasonable! its probably the best take on adult mentor figures for child main characters ive ever seen.

and yeah theres an argument to be made that it was pretty fucked up of mustang to recruit ed to the military at 12 years old. but he was super upfront with him about what it would entail and didnt force him into it. so watching it as an adult, yeah, its fucked up. but the target audience is kids and thats how kids want to be treated! yeah its a lot of responsibility, but ed knew that going in AND he has a huge support network of trustworthy adults who are looking out for him. hes fine. and hes DEFINITELY better off than most high school age protagonists, who are just sort of thrust into high stakes, life-threatening situations with little guidance. the dynamic is less "you are The Chosen One who will singlehandedly save the world" and more "i mean you certainly have the skills and we really appreciate you working with us but what the fuck is a child doing in the military. who authorized this?? youre going to get yourself killed PLEASE be more careful!" and like. if youre gonna have a show about a 15 year old saving the world, then thats definitely the way to do it.

and what really seals the deal is how pissed ed gets when people treat him like a kid. thats the most 15 year old thing ever! he FEELS like hes being talked down to and disrespected just because hes not given the same expectations and responsibilities as the adults. watching it as a 20 year old im super impressed by the way the adults treat ed, but i can also understand why ed gets so frustrated. its the nature of being a teenager and thinking you can handle more than you can. which really just solidifies how fuckin 15 he is

btw im not saying ed is the only well written teenager in the show. hes just the clearest example- hes so LOUD about who he is and it makes it really easy to talk about his character traits. also hes like my favourite character ever and i just have to talk about him. so like al and the rest are also really convincing kids, and a lot of this stuff kind of applies to all of them! im just talking about ed because i want to lmfao

#i dont really have a thesis here i just love it #great writing and so fun to watch #fullmetal alchemist #fma #fmab #edward elric #analysis

[inferencesarchives]

`•- This Strange Feeling

luchino diruse (survivor) x gn reader

prompt: realizing they've fallen in love with you

warnings: physical touch

a/n: day 1 of the @philomena-propellente valentines event!! im very excited to participate in the very first event with my network aaaa!!!! i hope u all like this :] i love luchino sm

The professor had taken an interest in you from the moment you first stepped foot into the manor.

It was a strange phenomenon that he couldn't quite explain. The moment he first saw you, he felt strangely drawn to you in a way he hadn't ever felt before. From the way you talked, the way you presented yourself, the way you expressed your emotions, everything about you seemed to pique his interest.

Though you were still new to the manor, you were kind and friendly as you got to know the other survivors. This kindness eventually extended to him as well, and he was pleasantly surprised when you expressed a casual interest in hearing about his studies after he'd introduced himself. He wasn't used to having someone be interested in hearing about his research ever since he arrived at the manor.

For some odd reason, the idea made him feel strangely warm inside...

Throughout your first few months at the manor, the professor swiftly became a good friend of yours, and he was always quick to give you tips whenever you needed. He was always able to instruct you on what to do when in matches, and he was always nearby to support if you needed it. Every time you ended up using any advice he gave you, that same warm feeling emerged in his chest once more.

He really was unsure of what this strange feeling was. He just didn't understand where this warmth in his chest was coming from, or why he only ever felt this way around you. He'd have to figure this out, research it, and piece it all together. He had to think, what could this feeling mean? Why did he only ever feel that warmth around you? Just what was the reason for this strange, warm feeling in his chest?

Wait... No, he couldn't be...

After a long time of researching and trying to figure out what this feeling was, he had finally found a conclusion, but... He didn't know how to face this realization. He cared about you, of course, but he didn't want to risk his friendship with you. You were the nearest and dearest to his heart, and he valued you for your kindness. No, there was no way he... Even if he did, there was no way you'd...

Over the next few weeks, he grows extremely conflicted with himself. He cares a lot about you, and you were the most valuable person in his life, but... He highly doubted that you would ever think of him like that.

The last straw for him was at the end of a tough match together. It was the end of the match, and a teammate had already escaped through an exit gate as he was strapped to a rocket chair. The hunter was patrolling the area, and his chair time was almost up, but that didn't stop you from taking the risk. Hastily, yet carefully, you suddenly swooped in for the rescue, pulling him off the chair and dragging him towards the exit gate as you try to block a hit for him. He hardly had time to process everything when you practically shoved him out the exit gate, turning what should've been a draw into a wonderfully executed victory.

As you pull him back with you to the manor, he stared silently at you as he tries to process your actions, finding your decision to rescue him endearing and admirable at the same time. When you look back at him to see if he's alright, he can't help but feel extremely warm and fluttery inside, that strange, affectionate feeling now stronger than ever. At that point, he finally knew.

Luchino Diruse was absolutely, positively, 100% in love with you.

a/n: LIZARD GUY!!!!!! THE EVER!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!! LUCHINOOOOOOO!!!!! THE SILLY!!!!!!!!! I LOVE LUCHINO SM!!!

thanks for reading, and remember to take care of yourself!

#`•- events in the archives: the philomena's propellente's countdown to valentines day #philomena's files #luchino diruse x reader #identity v x reader #idv x reader #fanfic #fanfic author #fanfiction #fanfiction author #x reader #luchino diruse #identity v #idv #identity v professor #idv professor

[tunaababee]

gonna get really sappy and DEEPLY tmi/personal about twenty one pilots on main so im gonna put it under a cut. i am cringe but i am free and clancy tour coming up is giving me Feelings

i've been a top fan since 2016. i initially had some resistance to them bc it was when Stressed Out was at its peak and like, yall know how oversaturation goes. even if its good, its fucking annoying by proxy. all the 12/13 year olds at my high school were into it. i was turning 17. and it was a really fucking rough year.

i've been deep into homestuck since i was about 14/15, but by age 16 i had branched out into text-based rp and met a guy from italy who i kind of had a situationship with i guess?? at the time?? idk if that's what the kids call it. (whenever i describe how many relationships ive had, i count this one as a 0.5) anyways. it eventually got to a point where he was emotionally abusing me for a period of about four months. it was brief, but intense, especially since im a fucking lovesick lonely teen at this point who doesnt know any better. he lovebombs me, talks to me and acts like i am his girlfriend, gets jealous and shitty if i talk about other people, but then the moment he goes and does the same shit i get told i'm the reason he was depressed, im the reason for his problems, etc. until he calmed down and placated me and won me over again. over and over, regularly, for four months. it was a lot for my little developing brain to handle.

i know people have had it longer, have had it worse, but it really left a lasting impact. i was left with a litany of abandonment issues, and self-esteem and image that was already bad was buried dead in the fucking ground. i wanted to die every single fucking day for those four months. he even told me, as i began to question my sexuality properly, that i couldnt be bi 'because i liked him'.

but he LOVED twenty one pilots. would quote their shit regularly. wore the merch. all that stuff.

by 2016 i'd managed to see clearly enough and have enough support from friends that i felt comfortable cutting him and his circle off permanently. and it was fucking hard. i didn't have a lot of irl friends at the time and it felt like my only support network. after i finally left, i was desperate to feel some semblance of control, take something back, my own personal little 'fuck you' i could carry in my heart.

with all the hype around them, i gave top a try. slowly eased my way in. i knew i was hooked when i heard Holding On To You for the first time. it made me feel like i could take back that control and find a light at the end of the tunnel.

i consumed everything they had put out after that. i saw them live at emotional roadshow sydney 2017, i was turning 18. i made so many new friends. i felt such hope in my heart. i sobbed so fucking hard when they played HOTY. they weren't the only reason i made it through, itd be naive to contribute everything to them when i've done a lot of work and so have the people around me, but they were like a lifeline to hold on to when things were hard.

i went and saw them again in 2018 for the bandito tour. i made my own outfit and was surrounded by people who had done the same. i made more friends, had more adventures. i was dropping out of high school the year that Trench released due to having the worst mental health i'd had probably since my abuse and felt so lost but it helped me feel a little more stable and grounded. like that light was still there.

a lot has happened since. i'll be 25 when i go see them in November, once again at Qudos Bank Arena in sydney. i'm in a happy relationship with someone i love who respects me. i'm doing things that make me happy. i'm happy. i've felt and experienced and lived and loved and lost and done so so so much since i was a scared 16 year old hearing them for the first time. i've gotten piercings and tattoos, something i never thought i'd do, and put their work permanently on my body. i'm so proud every time i see my tattoo on my arm. i genuinely love and accept myself exactly as i am, which is something i NEVER thought i'd do.

having Clancy come out nine years to the day from blurryface, an album that has been so deeply important to me in a lot of ways, gets me real misty. this entire tour gets me so misty. i didn't think i'd live past 18 at BEST. but i'm here and i'm fucking happy.

genuinely cannot emphasise how much this album and this tour means to me. i plan on getting a Clancy tattoo once the album comes out and i've had some time to sit with it. it feels very full circle, i guess. hearing Next Semester has just had me thinking about this constantly and all weepy all the time haha. but a good weepy.

i cannot fucking wait to scream in a stadium full of people again in a way that heals my heart.

#twenty one pilots #tw suicide mention #tw abuse mention #i wasnt kidding when i said i get real fucking tmi in here #my household already has to deal with me rambling about them all the time lol so tumblr gets the deep and meaningful

[initiumseries]

the post im referencing: https://www.tumblr.com/initiumseries/625934160818847744/what-did-you-think-of-klaus-in-tvd-and-i-know-you?source=share

I don't disagree with the rest but aren't you downplaying what Klaus did to Stefan? like indentured servitude, making him relapse, making him feed on innocent people - the one thing he hates the most, all in return for a cure that cost him nothing is pretty brutal, no? Also like Damon getting bit didn't really cross Klaus, so what would he punish them for? Stefan lying ab Elena could've had more consequences though instead of him just letting them hang out to protect her

Oooh a throwback post. Fun!

Here's the thing, I don't disagree with what you're saying. In *theory*, that should be brutal, Stefan leaving Elena, becoming an indentured servant, relapsing...all of that should have so much weight, and be hard for us, as viewers, to watch. What I would've liked, is to see Elena and Stefan part, sort of like this:

The urgency, the panic, the pain. Inject it into my veins. And follow that up with Stefan's psychic break or whatever, over the indentured servitude, the feeding.

But instead, what we got was boyfriends.

I donno about you, but this doesn't feel like indentured servitude. It doesn't appear like Stefan is suffering all that much at all. Klaus gives him a ton of freedom. He doesn't really control him with force much at all, Stefan just happily complies, sort of, on the surface (we're meant to believe). Part of it is their chemistry, but the biggest problem is the narrative isn't driving home that this is actually hell for Stefan. We don't see many moments where it's *clear* Stefan is drowning. And we don't see enough actual tension between Klaus and Stefan that shows some sort of fight. Stefan being reluctant to do things, Klaus compelling him, or Stefan agreeing to do something, seeing the self disgust right before he executes, etc. More nuance would've elevated this whole storyline.

It's not until this moment, where they rely on dobsley chemistry, to carry that narrative on their backs.

And it was successful, I remember watching this scene like DAMN. Paul's emotion, Nina's earnestness, it works. But this is basically...all we get.

Like I said in that post, Klaus feels like a petty baby vampire, and the actor doesn't have the gravitas to land a vampire that's over a thousand years old. Because they're just sort of...feeding and causing mischief for a summer, there's no plan, the level of destruction feels very contained. They say, oh they're killing people across state lines, but we don't see the cops, who are also supposed to be vampire killers, tracking this, maybe having a network that's hunting them, we don't see the magnitude of the impact, it's all just contained to a few bodies in a house each time. And Klaus is just...

What I want from this moment is more this:

We can argue about whether or not Godric has gravitas, but he has enough, and the narrative, the camera, supports him enough, that it's VERY clear, that old vampires are at the top of the hierarchal pole because they're powerful.

So when he says things like this:

It's backed up because of how he behaves, and carries himself, and how all the other vampires respond to him.

But all we get from Klaus is family bickering over who Rebekah is sleeping with, what the others are doing, and making Stefan come along on his lost weekend. It's...pedestrian. There's just no weight to any of the things that happen while Stefan is gone until Klaus realizes Elena's not dead, and that's....because he unstaked Rebekah so he could make up staking her by giving her Stefan, and she kisses him and says o m g he is still in love with someone else.

Clown shit.

And Stefan gets away with a lot, for an indentured servant.

In Buffy s3, when Mayor Wilkins recruits Mr. Trick to work for him, and Mr. Trick doesn't take him seriously enough, and in Band Candy things fall apart, Mr. Trick tries to play it off like he did the Mayor a favour now that he doesn't have to pay tribute to a dead vampire. And the mayor becomes very serious and says "In the future, I'd be careful how many favours you do for me." And the implication is clear. We don't even get THAT from Klaus. Completely unserious.

Like, again, so Klaus just wanted a buddy for the summer? He had no grand plan? Nothing? Even if that was the case, I would've liked to see Klaus having some kind of cruel focus in pushing Stefan over the edge, and deriving pleasure from watching how much it killed him to be falling into the abyss of bloodlust again. Like Stefan going from this.

to this

to this

And we as the viewer are watching it like, oh maaan, Elena's frantically looking for him, but we've watched him whittle away, under pressure from Klaus, and so when we get to this point:

We actually don't know how he's going to respond to seeing her there. This idea that Stefan had to "pretend" to be full on ripper to keep Klaus happy while he's actually just trying to keep Klaus distracted...isn't risky enough for me? Klaus is a thousand years old, he'd have to figure from the beginning, this is obviously not what Stefan wants to do, so why pretend? Go all the way. Maybe that's how it started, him trying to fool Klaus, but Klaus is also doing his vampire job and forcing Stefan over that cliff, or he goes back and kills everyone in Mystic Falls, including his brother. It's still petty, but there's some scale of the threat.

There are a million ways this could've been handled, but all I wanted from this storyline was real stakes and like I said in my previous post, TVD was really good at building up big bads, only to defang them later, and this was a perfect example of that. If Klaus was so ready to kill people, and was that typical, violent vampire, then I want to SEE that follow through when he forces Stefan onto his side. I want to SEE the *incredible* fall out of Stefan going there mentally and emotionally. Instead, the execution was a little half baked for me.

[fairycosmos]

Send tips to avoid binging

hi so it's massively different for everyone and there's no real substitute for consistent professional help which is the no.1 thing i'd recommend and also i dont want to ramble so i'm just going to share a few surface level things that have been helping but im sorry if they dont resonate with you.

breaking the starve/binge cycle - i've only just learned to regulate my eating somewhat. did omad since i was like 11 and it would lead me to binge all the time because i was fucking starving and felt so restricted that when i actually got my hands on food it was hard to stop. it felt kind of counter intuitive to eat more regularly when eating/binging was what i was trying to avoid, but learning to listen to your bodies hunger cues again is really useful. though it takes practice, but that's totally normal.

don't keep binge or trigger foods in your house, even have someone else come shopping with you to make sure you don't buy them. gets easier with time.

draw up a sort of crisis plan so you know you have other options when you're panicking or about to binge. journaling, calling a friend/loved one, chugging water, getting out of the house or away from the trigger, crying it out, redirecting your attention. none of these are cures and they dont work every time, they're definitely very frustrating solutions to hear at times. i know they sound kind of "just take a shower if ur depressed :)" but they're not. knowing they're there and consciously practicing them when possible is still productive.

try to find a support network. if it's possible, work with your friends/family so they can help you help yourself through this. a lot of binging comes from a v emotional and empty place, traumatised even, and feeling supported and heard is a great way to remedy that. be honest with them about what u need, write it down if you need to (sometimes that makes it easier to communicate lol.) let them be there for you. if that's not possible, calling an ED hotline or finding a support group (online or in person) can also help over time.

work on seeing food as neutral - it's there to recharge us, it has no morality, nourishing yourself to the point of contentment is healthy, indulging can be healthy too. it's nothing to feel guilty over, inherently.

know and internalise that relapse is a natural part of recovery, and it doesn't negate progress.

hope you're ok, sending a hug. x

#tw ed #tw binging #80/20 approach also works for me. where 80% of the time ur focused on eating regularly and somewhat healthily and the rest of the time #u can have what u want #that regulation helped stop massive binges #anon

[erin-bo-berin]

I’ve been reading up on Fargo 5 spoilers and speculation (honestly not much- the production has been super secretive) and based on those crumbs, on recent interviews w Noah Hawley (writer & showrunner) and general ~vibes - i really feel like this could be a super intense and important role for Joe. Like at first I thought it might just be a funny supporting role but certain things lead me to think that Gator’s story will have a real emotional gravitas to it, and that it will be central to theme of the season. It could be wishful thinking tho, because I’ve been dying to see him tackle a meatier role… but ugh, i can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know how to explain myself without getting into real spoiler territoy though :p

Okay first off I just have to say reading the word “meatier” made me think of that one reel from ages ago where it’s this girl playing the parts of both God and an Angel and God asking the angel if she made the dinosaurs meatier like he asked and the angel thought he meant a meteor IM SORRY I get easily distracted LMAO

Moving on, I’m so excited! I don’t even know if I will be able to watch it because I’m not even sure what network or streaming service it’s on, but I’m really considering getting it so I can see him. I’m so excited for all these new roles he has and I love to see him tackle different ones. He’s just so talented and this little sneak peek of yours makes me even more eager to see it!

No wonder production has been so secretive. Coming off of Finalmente L’alba it’s been like going from constant content to almost NOTHING. And I didn’t even realize that with the show they’d obviously have to be more secretive lol I’m so hoping we get lots of Teacake content—sounds like David Koepp, the author, will definitely come through though based on some of his comments.

[biandaceconfessions]

hi!! i recently discovered im a baby bi, but instead of joyous i feel scared. i've had deep feelings for people of all genders before, but i never let it grow because i felt dirty. i have friends and cousins who would support me, but my parents wouldnt and i dont know how i'll ever have the courage to live the life i want. how do i convince myself that its okay to be a woman who doesnt only like men?

Hey there nonnie!

Figuring out your sexuality can definitely be an emotional journey, and not one that is always immediately happy or offers a sense of relief. It's definitely unfortunate that we still live in a world where being non-heterosexual can be scary, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless.

I think the most important thing as you're gaining a better understanding of yourself is that it's only the beginning. You don't have to make any grand plans or have any difficult conversations right now. You can take some time for yourself and just let that knowledge sit for a little bit. You don't even have to comment on it or analyze it, just try and find some comfort that you understand yourself a little bit more than you had before.

Beyond that, it's really just about taking it one day at a time. You may find that as you recognize this part of yourself a little more every day, you can accept yourself and become more comfortable with things.

If you're able to access any community resources, finding a local lgbtq+ organization may be a great way to meet new people and have a space to talk about your fears and anxieties surrounding your identity.

For a lot of people, courage comes with time. It can definitely feel daunting this early on, but that doesn't mean it's going to be like that forever. Finding yourself a solid support network and friends you can rely on and talk to can help make things a lot less scary.

#bisexual confessions #bi confessions #anonymous #lgbtq confessions

[nonbinaryspacegoo]

so anyway i finally got around to looking up the clips of travis mcelroy playing among us that people are big mad about and i gotta say

its not that deep bro

as a certified neurodivergent its like yeah it be like that sometimes and while you should try to keep a handle on it because it really isnt pleasant for other people sometimes your adhd brain is racing around and bouncing off the walls and you act a lil obnoxious without realising

and look i dont know the man but from my own experience and the experiences of a lot of my neurodivergent friends? those kinds of outbursts of being completely caught up in your own little world are almost always quickly followed by a hard crash of realising you were being annoying and then feeling like absolute shit and wanting to just curl up in a hole and never come back out

was he being pretty obnoxious? yeah. but like. its not that deep bro. it really isnt.

people saying that hes only tolerable when he has his brothers as a buffer really hits on my, and like a LOT of neurodivergent people i know, 's insecurities

like i have friends that help me manage some of my less digestible symptoms so i dont annoy or overwhelm people and its a legitimate debilitating fear that i might only be tolerable with them around and a lot of the comments ive seen regarding how hes behaved during that stream really just straight up gave me really upsetting flashbacks to how people treated me before i had a better handle on my symptoms. now you might read that and say "oh but that was when you were a kid, travis is pushing 40" but the thing is i still have those episodes where im too hyper and push a bad or mediocre joke to far and too hard or am just generally too caught up in what i was excited about to consider other people, or when i was trying to express how i felt about something that hurt my feelings in the moment without properly analysing if maybe i just needed to take a step back from my emotions and be ok with other peoples jokes or whatever.

idk i was kind of dreading checking out what people were mad about but having watched it im just

it seems completely understandable from my perspective. not saying he shouldnt have taken a minute to sort himself out, or that he wasnt being annoying or unreasonable, but it just seemed like a fairly normal issue that neurodivergent people have. it just be like that sometimes, yknow?

and again it just sort of reinforces, to me, that a lot of people really will advocate for neurodivergent people but then turn around and behave indistinguishably from an ableist bully when a neurodivergent person presents or has a moment when an aspect of their neurodivergence isnt digestible and either pleasant or negligible for the people around them, when their symptoms are too loud or make people uncomfortable or overstep someones comfort zone

and look.

this isnt a "boo hoo poor travis" thing or whatever, while i enjoy a lot of his content and relate to a lot of the struggles he is quite public about, i make an effort not to form too strong a bond with people i dont know personally. travis will most likely be fine, hes a grown man whos financially very secure and has a strong support network.

my issue isnt people dunking on a minor celebrity, my issue is the effects it has on people who share his struggles. i know that it hurts me personally to see comments on how he shouldnt try to publicly interact with people or how his, lets admit it, fairly minor and harmless outbursts of inconsiderate or strange behaviour indicate he is actually a Bad Person, and i genuinely believe that it hurts other neurodivergent people as it reinforces attitudes that do real harm.

idk i just

it reminds me that its very easy to be supportive of neurodivergent people when theyre being funny and relatable and charming, but that a lot of allies are more than happy to turn on us as soon as we're not palatable. as soon as we fail to be perfectly accommodating and easy to be around.

i guess if i had to say something to the people making sport of dunking on him at the moment itd be

remember that neurodivergent and mentally ill people are watching and theyll remember how you behaved when you say youre an ally

this post is ok to reblog but i am not taking constructive criticism thank you

#ableism #travis mcelroy #among us #long post #idk man ive been trying to not engage but i just blocked and unfollowed someone whos content i really enjoyed because they were making some #uuhhh jokes #and it just really messed me up #mine #ok to rb #mcelroys

[festivegrant]

Question because you are funny as hell and also honest. Do you think Buddie (Buck and Eddie getting together in a relationship) will ever happen? If not, what kinds of people do you want to see both men end up with? And I’m not trying to assume that they should end up with someone. Maybe they just want to be single for a while or whatever like I’m not trying to assume or partner them up with people but I’m just saying. If they don’t end up together, and the writers wrote in someone else who is endgame for the both of them, what kind of person do you see for each of them? I’m curious 👀

ANON YOU ARE SO KIND. IM BLOWING YOU A MILLION KISSES. 

and that is a VERY good question. i hesitate to answer because as ive previously mentioned i am infected with supernatural disease, and thus my standards of integrity in a writer-audience relationship/production of a show AND my perception of what actually counts as foreshadowing vs accidental meaningless quips are both INCREDIBLY, incredibly warped. i also know nothing about the entertainment industry or tv production. my credentials consist of having a clown license and a large, overconfident mouth. 

that being said, i think buddie has a solid chance of becoming canon (at least compared to past fandom-popular mlm ships on mainstream tv shows). as of now, 911 fox is pulling in a lot of viewership for the network, which makes me believe they have plenty of time to write out a buddie endgame arc (even if that’s not what they initially intended with buck and eddie). additionally, i know that various actors (including oliver stark and jlh) have been vocal about either being open to it and leaving it up to the writers or outright like. supporting it. PLUS the fact that we have really wonderful queer people/relationships already in the show (that are fleshed out and not just brushed aside in the name of diversity and tokenism) is a really great sign. so, overall, i think we have good chances. we have room not just to hope, but to expect. 

to answer the second part of your question (which pains me because if its not buddie i dont see it /lh), along with the acknowledgement and statement that i don’t want them to end the show in relationships simply for the sake of being paired up, ill start with buck.

i think i would want him to end up with someone with a really strong sense of self. this is a bit of a given, and definitely very minimal sort of requirement, but i think buck especially does a lot of emotional labor for the people in his life. it would be really great if his significant other were someone who has their shit (mostly) figured out so it doesnt turn into a weird sort of co-dependence, and whenever hes ready to be in a committed relationship, him and his partner are actually on the same page. to clarify, him and whoever he’s with should still be there for each other and help each other grow etc etc of course, but it should be someone who is capable of forming a trajectory of growth for themselves. this is very vague and if youre looking for more personality-like stuff lmk and i can think on it further and try again. 

for EDDIE oh boy. i cannot say for sure, though whoever it is first and foremost needs to like. have both a solid platonic relationship with eddie BEFORE it turns romantic AND needs to be able to connect with chris and be ready to bear the responsibility of being with someone who has a child. hm. if only there were already someone who fulfilled thes--[LOUD HORN OF TRUCK DRIVING BY]

i also think eddie still has a bit of a ways to go in terms of overcoming his internalized machismo and beliefs of what being a man and what having a family looks like (at least. in this season he does. he was kind of already working on overcoming those things last season so idk what happened with the writing). whoever he dates long-term needs to be able to challenge that (not necessarily because the person actively CHOOSES to challenge that but because the person should INHERENTLY make eddie question his own behaviors). again. very vague answer to your very good question. 

#ohhhhh boy this was so long #long post #anon when i read that first sentence i literally smiled YOU ARE SO SWEET #i cant believe i got called funny on tumblr dot com #ask #anon #911 fox #buddie

[allthatglittersisnotgoldrush]

Ok chapter 3 of The Hurricane and the Eye? THAT HURT SO MUCH. Fingon definitely has the best intentions but he’s so focused on what he can fix (the physical injuries) that he’s not taking into account the immense amounts of trauma. The bit about choices really hit hard because Maedhros spent so much time (ie his entire life) without having a say in anything, and that was taken to the extreme in Angband. So seeing him finally snap and lash out at Fingon because it’s the first time he CAN was such a moment. And the worst part is Fingon is just trying to help in any way he can! He has a certain naïveté that makes him both charming and sometimes frustrating, because I feel like he wants, more than anything, to get back the Maedhros of New York even though it’s not possible, and it’s really not healthy to try.

Anyway absolutely gorgeous and I can’t wait to see what happens next!

So I did answer this MONTHS ago but somehow tumblr ate it, it must have been a network glitch or something I guess IM SO SORRY

It’s quite something to go back to read this chapter from the context of where we are now in the AU story, as both cousins have matured a lot since this vicious broken moment—and yet everything they have built is still so fragile! Fingon has come to recognize that there IS emotional and mental trauma that is just as terrible as the physical damage, and that he is not equipped to fix, and he has adapted to just tiptoeing around that trauma whenever he touches it, trying to let Mae lead and give him space. And Maedhros HAS finally regained some legitimate control—and of course immediately chose to go from zero to 100 and make his Doriath Play. I think Fingon feels obligated to support Maedhros on so many levels now: because he doesn’t know any other way to support Maedhros emotionally, and because while Maedhros IS doing this partially to prove something to himself, Fingon does—as you say—still want Mae to prove himself to HIM too. He knows by now that the Maedhros of his silly youth in the east is never coming back—but he cannot help still hoping, deep down. A lot of tangled feelings of obligation and respect and guilt and confused trust between these two have been tentatively buried or shushed since that bitter quarrel in The Hurricane and the Eye, and it shall be interesting to see what happens to them in moments of Crisis. Thank you so much for the wonderfully perceptive comment, I love it so much whenever we get any feedback about really the psychology of these characters and how they interact, because that’s such a large part of why they are such a joy to write, even after years—they feel very alive to me, and it’s so unbelievably cool to get a comment showing that they feel alive to others, too :)

#admin mythopoeia #gold rush au #the silmarillion #fanfic #maedhros #fingon #metadisaster #‘it’s not really healthy to try’ YEP exactly #a huge part of Fingon’s growing up is learning to let that go #but yet never losing faith in Maedhros as a person #asks

[megalony]

Problem solved

This is my first dad! Harry Styles series which I am going to be working on, I hope you will all like and enjoy it. This is a friends to lovers series, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogmeddows @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Masterlist

Summary: Harry offers for (Y/n) and her daughter to come and live with him and his son to help her out of a tricky situation and feelings soon start to develop between them both.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mornin' little lady, can we come in?" A smile pulled at Harry's lips when he looked down to see Ella stood half behind the door like she was getting ready to hide away from whoever turned up at the door.

The four year old looked up at him with a shy smile before she nodded and pulled open the door, allowing Harry and Elliot to walk inside. Harry darted his eyes around the hall to try and decipher whereabouts (Y/n) was until he heard her feet padding against the stairs. He had been in the area and thought he would pop by and see one of his closest friends and since Ella seemed to get along rather well with Elliot Harry thought it would be good for them to play together for a while if (Y/n) wasn't busy.

Elliot didn't tend to talk to many kids around his age, even when he was at pre-school he didn't like talking or getting to know other kids so to know he seemed comfortable around Ella was a godsend to Harry even if Ella was two years younger than Elliot.

"Mummy, it's Elliot and Harry." Ella's voice showed her enthusiasm and the way she bounced from her heels to her toes made Harry smile fondly at her. Elliot never seemed to jitter with excitement or go high pitched or jump around like Ella, he was calm and preserved and laid back so it was a change to see in other children how different Elliot acted.

When (Y/n) counted thirteen steps she cautiously placed her left foot down and felt around just to make sure she was actually on the floor and not on a secret last step. It had happened far too many times where she lost count and ended up tripping on the last step on the stairs. A bungalow might have been a better option in hind-sight but (Y/n) always liked a challenge.

"I didn't know you were popping by, what can I do for you, Styles?" (Y/n) smiled but Harry could see that her smile didn't reach her enamouring eyes that were flitting around the hall like she was scanning the house for something.

"Thought we'd come by and see you both... everything okay?" Harry lowered his tone towards the end of his sentence and spoke a little quieter and if (Y/n) could see he would have narrowed his eyes and dipped his head down to try and silently ask if something was wrong. He wanted to make sure everything was okay when he could tell that (Y/n) looked a bit unsettled and like she had been either crying or panicking. Whenever something was wrong he made sure to try and find out so he could find a way to help.

"Hm. Ella, why don't you take Elliot upstairs to play?"

(Y/n) moved a few steps away from the stairs, reaching her hand out when she felt Ella getting closer. The four year old reached her hand out and gently squeezed (Y/n)'s hand, a normal part of their daily routine just like they were sharing a smile or a look with each other. Ella smiled shyly at Harry before she motioned for Elliot to follow her, knowing he wouldn't like it if she reached out to try and take his hand and drag him upstairs like she did with some of her friends.

A gentle smile formed on (Y/n)'s lips when she reached her arms out in Harry's direction and felt his familiar, comforting arms wrapping around her. She loved the feeling when he leaned down to her height and his cheek brushed against hers and she could feel his hair tickling her cheek or her forehead or trying to intertwine with her own hair. When his fingers ran up and down her back and hips like they were now it made her feel so calm and relaxed and like everything was okay, even if she knew it wasn't. She could even feel the few specks of stubble around his chin and cheek which tickled her skin and made her want to laugh at the feeling.

"What have you been up to?" (Y/n) tried her best to make conversation when they pulled back and she moved to guide Harry down the hall and into the kitchen.

She knew her own house well enough that she didn't have to hold onto the walls to guide herself anymore, she could count her steps just to make sure she was right and she could hold her hands out to make sure she wouldn't barge into the walls but she knew where she was going and what she was doing.

"I've been at the studio, mostly. Took Elliot out to the zoo but he didn't like it very much. What about you?"

When they reached the kitchen, (Y/n) felt around for the counter on her left and used it as leverage to pull herself over to the fridge.

"I've been at the piano this week, had a new idea for a song for you. Do you want a drink?"

(Y/n) came up with a lot of melodies on the piano and a few chords on the violin for Harry's songs and he either came up with lyrics that went with the tune or vice versa, (Y/n) made the tune to fit how he wanted to sing the songs. She didn't work on many of Harry's songs but she did a fair few from time to time and Harry loved working with (Y/n).

"Just juice, please." Harry sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen but his eyes narrowed as he studied (Y/n). She sounded off, her voice wasn't as bouncy as normal and she wasn't smiling as brightly and lighting up the room like she normally did. Nor did she seem to walk around effortlessly, she was reaching out a bit more for the counters showing her mind was clearly somewhere else. Harry hoped he hadn't disturbed her by coming round if she was preoccupied or in the middle of something.

Reaching his hand out, Harry gently held (Y/n)'s elbow to help her find the stool next to him and know where he was before she sat down, placing a drink in front of each of them.

"Ella's happy you came by, she's missed Elliot."

"(Y/n) is something wrong? You seem a bit... upset." Harry curled his fingers around the glass resting on the counter in front of him but his eyes were focused solely on his friend who was sitting beside him at the kitchen counter. He leaned his elbows forward on the counter, arching his back out as he watched (Y/n) closely.

He knew all of her little ticks and antics, when she started to scratch the palms of her hands or rub at her neck it meant she was getting anxious or that something was wrong and Harry hated to see her panic. Harry had also picked up on the fact that whenever (Y/n) was frustrated or very overly worried, she would start to clean the house a lot. She would try and clean the counters until she thought they were sparkling, she would tidy everything away so the house was spotless and then she would start over again trying to clean her house that was always pristine anyway.

"I um... I saw my social worker today... they know James moved out." (Y/n) traced her finger around the rim of her glass as she felt relieved for once that she couldn't see Harry's expression.

"What did she say?"

Harry took a sip of his juice to try and calm his nerves that were slowly getting rattled and uneasy. (Y/n) was one of the closest people to Harry and he had and always would help her out wherever possible and if anything upset or hurt her then it hurt him too.

He knew that when (Y/n) and James split up it would cause (Y/n) a lot of problems because he was a safety net for her. Ella was their daughter and that meant James was always around to help (Y/n), no one thought she was incapable of caring for Ella or treated her differently or inferior because she had help and support from her partner. When he moved out Harry also knew that (Y/n) didn't tell her social worker because when they knew she was living on her own with Ella they would make more visits to see her and think she was incapable of being a single mother simply because she couldn't see.

"She's going to be coming round every week and soon she'll do an assessment, to..."

"An assessment for what?"

"Child services haven't been involved when Ella was born because I had James and his family, I had a network of people in case I did something wrong. They h-have to assess whether I'm capable of living with Ella on my own and if I'm not I c-can't have custody of her anymore."

Even though (Y/n)'s eyes were unfocused and jittering side to side, it didn't stop Harry from seeing the pool of emotions surfacing in them like ripples forming on the water. He could see the pain and the fear in (Y/n)'s eyes because for the first time, she was faced with the threat of having her child taken away from her.

With (Y/n) unable to see it meant that social services were involved when she had Eleanor to make sure she was capable of caring for Eleanor on her own. (Y/n) couldn't see if something happened to Ella, she only had her hearing and her touch to navigate and work with and she could burn herself or accidentally scold Ella. She could trip and fall unconscious with no one else home except for Ella, something could happen to Ella and (Y/n) have no means to get her any help. There were any number of things that could happen and it meant (Y/n) needed people around her to help.

When she was with James she lived with him and his family were close by and those connections meant (Y/n) could be a mother because she had people to help her when she needed assistance and they were a safety network in case something happened or went wrong. Now James had moved out (Y/n) was on her own and that was deemed as a risk for Ella if (Y/n) didn't have any friends or family helping and close by every day.

If she was deemed incapable or at risk then Ella would either be with James full time or possibly even put into care or with a relative or in the system. (Y/n) could still see Ella but she couldn't have custody and (Y/n) couldn't have anyone taking her child away from her because she loved and needed Ella. 

"But if they think you're capable on your own-"

"They won't." (Y/n) dragged her nails through her hair, scratching at her scalp as she tried to stop herself from having a panic attack. She could feel her lungs starting to tighten and her chest felt heavier like stones were setting in her lungs and weighing her down.

(Y/n)'s finger started to tap against the counter as she leaned her head on her other hand, her unfocused eyes moving over where she guessed Harry's face was. She could feel his presence in front of her, she could feel his knee touching her own and his eyes burning into her frame and she could even feel his breaths pushing her way. When she felt Harry's hand enveloping over her own that was tapping away on the counter, she wanted to smile but she couldn't quite manage it.

"But you've had custody of her for the past four years and you did just fine when she was a baby."

"Harry, I can't see the house, you know I need things in the right place but Ella doesn't understand. If she leaves a toy around I could trip and fall, if she gets hurt upstairs I might not know for an hour or more. What happens if I hurt myself and can't get help? What if I burn myself or burn her?"

(Y/n) couldn't see the house but she had it planned out in her head like blueprints. She had to have every chair, every book, every bin and ornament and picture frame in the same place so she could get around and know where everything was. But Ella didn't understand that because she was only four, she would get books and toys out and not put them away and (Y/n) could fall on those toys or trip or get confused and hurt herself.

If (Y/n) fell unconscious Ella would be scared and alone until she woke up or someone happened to come by. If Ella hurt herself upstairs and (Y/n) didn't hear anything she wouldn't know for an uncertain amount of time. Anything could go wrong and with (Y/n) being here on her own it increased the risks that were diminished when she was living with James.

"But you haven't ever done that-"

"That doesn't mean it won't ever happen. Mum isn't well, she can't come round and help and my brother is two hours away. James wants custody of her, his parents won't try and help me they want Ella to live with him."

(Y/n) couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes when she thought about how everything was stacking up against her. It didn't matter that she and James had been together for six years or that they tried to end things on good terms, he wanted custody of Ella. He didn't think (Y/n) could care for her on her own and that meant his family were going to try and help him get custody.

James' parents would help (Y/n) by looking after Ella but they wouldn't be round every day to give help and support like they had done before. They weren't willing to do that because they wanted Ella with James. And (Y/n)'s mother wasn't well right now so she couldn't be round to help out like (Y/n)'s social worker wanted, she wanted (Y/n) to have people able to come and help (Y/n) and even her brother wasn't living nearby.

"What if you lived with me?"

(Y/n) hadn't heard him right. Surely, she hadn't heard right what Harry had just said to her. Why would he say something like that, why would he say that when they weren't a couple and it didn't help him out?

"What?"

"If you lived with me and Elliot, wouldn't your social worker say that was okay? I'd be there just like when James lived here, I can help with Ella and if you need anything I'll be there and mum wouldn't mind coming round whenever you need her."

The sincerity in Harry's voice made (Y/n)'s eyes flood with tears at the gesture he was presenting her with. He was willing to be so selfless to try and help her and Ella out but (Y/n) couldn't do that, she couldn't go and stay with Harry because it wouldn't be fair. He was always in the media and she didn't want people speculating or asking him questions or making his life any harder than it already was. Besides, he had Elliot, it might confuse or upset him if she and Ella suddenly turned up to live with them. (Y/n) couldn't impose on Harry like that, it would be cruel.

"That... that's more than generous Harry, but I- I couldn't. You have Elliot to consider and the press and I couldn't impose on your mother either... besides, I thought you were trying to work things out with Sally?"

"You know my mum loves you, I want to help and it seems like you either need a friend to be very close by or you need to live with someone who can help. If they thought you were in a stable relationship with me they would know you were both being looked after and that you were still capable of looking after Ella with that safety net under you."

Harry could see how this would play out for (Y/n), she either needed a few close friends to be around her almost every day to help out with taking Ella to school and tidying up or generally helping with Ella's well-being or buying groceries or making dinner. Or (Y/n) needed to live with someone who could help and be there just in case something were to happen. Harry wanted to be that person but he knew it would be easier for (Y/n) and Ella to live with him rather than him coming round every day or every few days because it would be easier to live together and it would make (Y/n) seem more protected and surrounded by helping hands.

Anne knew (Y/n) and she was very fond of her, she wouldn't mind at all coming to help (Y/n) out with anything or just being around every now and then.

"W-why would you do that for me?"

"Because I know what a good mother you are and I want to help you. Look, I'm not after anything from you (Y/n), but just think about it. If you lived with me and Elliot it would show that you had and were accepting help, you wouldn't be alone and therefore not in any danger or seen as a concern and your social worker would be happy."

"What about you?" (Y/n) knew she sounded sceptical and a little rude which was by no means her intention but she couldn't help but wonder how this would affect Harry. He had the purest heart of anyone (Y/n) knew or had ever come across, but this was a very selfless act that didn't seem to do any favours for Harry himself.

"Believe it or not, I'd get company out of this. It gets lonely just me and Elliot and I don't like being lonely, plus it gives him a bit more stability if you're around. He can have someone else there to help and someone his own age and I think it might calm him down a bit and give him a family."

Harry had a big house but he hated it when there was so much room and only two people in the whole house. It got lonely especially when Elliot went to bed or was at school and Harry got the odd day off or the time to practise in his home. He hated being lonely which was why before Elliot was born Harry stayed with friends a lot even though he had a big house to himself. He liked to surround himself with people and friends and family and if (Y/n) lived with him he wouldn't be so lonely anymore.

As for Elliot, Harry knew he needed more stability in his life.

At the moment, Elliot lived with Harry but had to go to stay with Anne when Harry was at work or off doing interviews or when he was on tour Elliot couldn't always come along. If (Y/n) came to stay then Elliot would have another adult to learn from and be around and basically a sibling to be around and it would give him more stability and more of a family feeling.

Elliot was six and he had learning difficulties, he needed someone around his age to be around and be friends with and a routine that (Y/n) could help provide for him if she stayed over. It would also give Elliot a motherly figure to be around and learn from and look up to because he didn't see his own mother nearly as much as he should. He didn't even want to be with his mum, he wanted Harry, his aunt Jessica and Anne and that was it.

"What do I do when you get into a relationship? Harry, I can't move in with you because it isn't a permanent solution. I'll end up moving back on my own and be back to square one again."

(Y/n) was so tempted to just say yes and see where this goes but she couldn't. This wasn't permanent. When Harry got into a relationship and wanted to move forward and move in together (Y/n) would have to leave and this wasn't the best solution. They would be living together but when things changed and (Y/n) eventually had to move out again she would be back to the same place she is now and without a solution to make everything better.

"I'm trying to work things out with Sally to get her help and try to get her back into Elliot's life. I'll always have a love for her, but I'm not in love with her anymore or looking for a relationship with her. I know this isn't forever but lots of people move in together to pay bills or so they aren't alone or to help with kids and this isn't any different. I'd never cast you out, you know that and you might find someone or a friend to live with or you might end up with friends around to help so you can live on your own again with Ella. I don't know, but for now I think this could help us both out."

Harry thought this could be permanent, at least for now. He knew a lot of people shared flats and houses so it saved on paying the bills and it gave company and safety and and a feeling of relief to some. Not everyone lived together because they were in love or in a relationship.

If (Y/n) fell for someone and wanted to move in together she could always do that or she may find another friend to stay with or she might find a friendship group or a few close friends who would be willing to come round and help her out so she could live independently again. Harry didn't know what the future held but for now he knew this was what they both needed and they could easily make this work if they wanted to.

"Harry, are you really sure about this?"

"Of course I am, come and live with me, let me help you."

When Harry squeezed her hand (Y/n) could feel the tears falling from her eyes again. She had been so worried about what she was going to do and how she was going to go about things if she was deemed unfit to care for Ella but Harry had thrown her a lifeline. He was making sure she could still be with and care for her daughter whilst also trying to secure stability for his son and cure his loneliness.

He didn't have to do any of this for (Y/n) but he was and she couldn't be more grateful to him for it.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #dad! harry styles #imagine #problem solved

[shirtlesssammy]

15x18: Despair

Then:

The entire fandom preparing for this episode

Now:

We literally start off right where we left off last week. Jack is a ticking time bomb. Sam hauls his nephew/son into the war room. Team Free Will freak out and try to come up with a plan. Jack wants to get far away from them. “Don’t let me hurt you.” AGGHH. We’re fine. It’s only 2 minutes into the episode, WE’RE FINE. Dean insists that they’re not giving up on him, and we love a good 180. 

Billie pops up and tells them all that she can’t stop what’s happening to Jack, but she can help. 

She sends him to the Empty where he promptly explodes. 

Billie explains to the trio that the Empty was the only place/entity that could absorb that kind of power. Jack could survive --and the Empty could survive, but it won’t be happy. Billie points out that the Empty will want her, but can’t get to Earth without being summoned (coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool). 

Billie wants God’s book back from Sam. Sam Fucking Winchester confronts Billie about her end game plans of restoring order --and sending all of them back to their death. Billie tells Sam that if they want Jack back, he’ll give her the book. 

JACK’S ALIVE!

Petty, petty, sullen Sam brings Billie the book, but throws it on the table instead of handing it to her, and we love him and his insolent little heart. 

She grabs the book and starts to open it. Cas wonders what she’s doing. 

She tells them that God’s book has a new ending. Dean’s done and wants Jack back. 

Meanwhile, the Empty recorpealizes and is D O N E. She drags Jack to her and just as she’s about to HURT HIM, he disappears. 

He’s home, but Billie claims him. Dean doesn’t like that idea so he grabs Death’s scythe before she can ditch the bunker with the kid. He slices her arm and she sends him flying. Billie disappears without the book, her scythe, or Jack. 

Later, the Brothers Winchester take a moment in the library. Dean apologizes for pulling a gun on Sam. 

(Listen, if we’re going full Bicon clown with Dean these next couple of weeks, this shot reminds me SO MUCH of the shot of James Dean from Giant.)

He also breaks down that Chuck is probably now all powerful, they’re on Billie’s hit list, Jack’s powerless, and Michael’s in the wind. They toast to their impossible odds. 

*Charlie and her cute GF Alert*

Stevie, the cutie from episode 3 is making perfect scrambled eggs for Charlie, and I’m dying inside. Charlie suggests a hunter’s date, and they smile and ARE CUTE, and I’m dying inside. The eggs are perfect, but this story isn't. Stevie just poofs away before Charlie’s eyes. 

Cut to Dean and Sam checking out Charlie’s place to piece together what happened. Charlie tells the brothers that she didn’t see or feel anything before Stevie disappeared. 

Outside, Cas waits with Jack. Cas asks how Jack is doing. 

Jack feels “strange”. He doesn’t know how to feel now that he’s not needed for the big plan. Cas assures him that he wasn’t there to get absolution from the Winchesters. “We don’t care about you because you’re useful or you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you’re you.” BRB CRYING. 

Jack is crying, I’m crying, and the world is crumbling. Jack is scared, and Cas, gripping his son’s shoulder, tells him that he’s scared too. 

Inside, the brothers tell Charlie that they think that Billie’s killing people that shouldn’t be on Earth. Charlie gets upset and admits that she promised herself that she wouldn’t do “the love thing” again. Sam gets a call from Bobby. More people are disappearing. Dean points out that no one is safe. 

Sam instantly thinks of Eileen AND WE HAVE EMOTIONS. They take off to find Eileen. 

Sam texts Eileen as they drive, but doesn’t tell her what’s up. Sam watches the dots...until they disappear. Hahahahahahah, NOPE.

They get to Eileen’s place and find her purse and phone on the sidewalk. 

She’s gone. “If I let myself go there, I’ll lose my mind.” AND WE’RE RIGHT THERE WITH YOU SAMMY. 

Sam activates action mode. He tells the others that they need to protect the other hunters from Alt World. Dean tells Sam that he should do this, but he’s going to make Billie pay. “I’ll go with you, Dean,” Cas volunteers. OF COURSE. 

We jump to a close up on Donna and her fabulous D-TRAIN license plate. Readers, I love her. She talks to Sam over the phone. She’s found a silo they can ward up and hide out in while Dean and Cas try to take out Billie. When Sam hangs up, he notices that Jack’s looking unrooted and gives him a job to do. Jack “has to drive” so that Sam can do work. Jack scooches over to the driver’s seat, ready to do something at last. Readers, I love Sam.

Dean and Cas arrive at the bunker and make plans to barge into Billie’s library. Dean plans to trash the place like a particularly unruly raccoon who breaks into a kitchen, until Billie arrives to stop them. He grabs Death’s scythe and they’re off. 

When Sam and Jack arrive at the silo, Donna tells Sam that she’s there for him - whatever he needs. 

The hunter network is on high alert, and Bobby’s got his AU crew holed away in the silo already.  Charlie pulls up, transformed from her sunset bright t-shirt into apocalypse world Charlie again.

Sam joins the crew in the warehouse and reconnects with Bobby, who immediately informs him that Sam’s the boss of the operation. When Bobby told the hunters that Sam wanted them to head to the silo, “they came running, no hesitation.” ….Excuse me, I have something in my eye. They’ve warded the whole silo with every warding they can throw at it, and Sam’s using one of Rowena’s spells (EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE) to bolster the strength of the sigils. 

Jack and Donna are painting sigils together, when Jack notices a plant. She recommends pulling it to protect the warding, but when Jack extends his hand it withers and dies.

Dean and Cas creep into the library, where Billie stands waiting for them. Dean tells her that they’re after her because she’s been killing off his friends. Her only reply is, “Interesting.”

Dean jabs Billie in her wounded shoulder, and the pain is high enough that Dean can get the upper hand. She holds the scythe at bay with just her hand, and Dean orders her to call off the hits. Billie laughs right in his face. She’s not killing anyone! Dean’s little papercut to her shoulder is enough to kill her, so her only plan at this point is to kill herself a Winchester and go out in a blaze of vengeance. 

Sam powers up the warding in the silo, ready to defend against Billie. Meanwhile, Billie thinks Chuck’s the likely one who’s been disappearing people. Quickly enough, a little girl is the first to disappear. As her family breaks down into full freak-out mode, all the hunters hiding out in the silo flash away. ALL OF THEM.

Hey, if I have to suffer, you have to suffer.

Sam, Jack, and Donna can only watch this with horror and then Donna looks down at her hands. She smokes out too. NOOOOOOOOOO!

Billie power-smacks Dean across the room. It’s vengeance time! As much as I don’t want Those Two Idiots™ to die, it is lovely to see Billie storm around in battle-Death mode. 

Dean and Cas race into the bunker without a plan, Billie in pursuit. It’s only moments before Dean is buckling. As he collapses, we reveal Billie on the balcony. I do love how this is framed!

She’s clutching Dean’s heart in her grip and pursues them through the bunker. “I’ve got you,” Cas tells Dean as he supports him. HELP, I’ve been murdered by emotion!

Cas directs them to the dungeon, grabs Dean’s pocket knife from his back pocket (I’m FINE, btw), and slices his hand. Quickly, he wards the door with a sigil, and Dean recovers instantly.

That is, he recovers physically. Emotionally, he is in ROUGH SHAPE. While Billie pounds away at the sigil, Dean realizes that they’re trapped. He blames himself - he was angry and needed something to kill and that’s ALL HE KNOWS HOW TO DO. f r o w n y f a c e

Dean’s in a pretty bad headspace. He thinks Billie’s going to break in and kill Cas, then himself, and then EVERYBODY ELSE. He apologizes, while Cas puts his strategic commander-of-garrisons brain to work. There is ONE thing that Billie’s afraid of. 

Readers, it was at this point that Boris and I were shouting our usual gleeful shit at the TV. Things like, “Lay one on him, Cas, and the Empty can come!” And then CAS SAYS, “I made a deal.”

“Kiss ‘im,” I murmur while wondering WHAAAAAAT IS HAPPENING when Cas brings up the “moment of true happiness” requirement. At this point, I’m thinking they’re in the dungeon and it’s full of spellwork supplies probably. So, like, I guess they’ll light some quick candles and summon the Empty? 

We fall silent as Cas starts talking about FEELINGS. “The one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have.” He says this RIGHT TO DEAN’S FACE. RIGHT IN OUR FACES. “Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.” 

We stop breathing.

And then Cas murders us forever when he shifts to talking about Dean. He knows Dean sees himself as a killer, a “blunt instrument.” But Cas sees him differently, and his way is true: Dean cares more than anyone Cas has ever met. He’s powered by love and not anger. “You’re the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. Ever since we met. Ever since I pulled you outta Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.”

Cas is crying and we are murdered dead in our beds by this show. 

Dean thinks it sounds like goodbye. “That’s because it is,” Cas tells him. And then he follows up with one last thing. “I love you.” 

And...it’s there. The love we’ve seen in his eyes for eleven seasons is there, out loud, and centered on Dean. We joke a lot at ShirtlessSammy about the need to just KISS ALREADY but this flayed us in the way a kiss could never do. It heightens everything. Castiel’s care for Dean, his loyalty and friendship now have a new layer - that of textual, unrequited love. We’ve obviously been personally clinging to the destiel train car for quite some time, but laying out Castiel’s feelings and saying it’s enough for him to acknowledge them out loud is SO POWERFUL. As a love story, it’s tragic beauty. As a personal coming out story, it’s just BEAUTY. 

For HARD TO PROCESS Science:

With this dropped between them, Dean can read the writing on the wall. “Don’t do this, Cas,” he begs. Immediately, gooey sounds begin to squish out from the brick wall behind Dean. 

The empty swirls in, and Billie breaks through the door at last. Cas grasps Dean by the shoulder. “Goodbye, Dean,” he says, hurling him away from the twin threats. 

In an instant, the Empty advances, swallowing Cas and Billie and retreating back into the wall without so much as a howdy. (Please join me for a displeased hiss at Billie’s apparent demise.)

Sam and Jack emerge from the silo, shocked. Sam tries calling Dean, while Jack looks around. Jack wonders if it was just the people in the silo who disappeared. 

The camera POV pans out to abandoned playground equipment, still-spinning bicycle wheels, and cars left behind on the road. It’s the end of the world, and suddenly the world feels too big. Too lonely.

We cut to Dean. He’s on the floor in the same place Castiel threw him. His phone rings. It’s Sam. Dean stares at it, before dropping it to the floor. He pulls himself inward, and the episode ends on the sounds of choked sobbing.

Boris and I are monsters, as WE end the episode entirely too jubilant for words. Here’s to being right! Readers, while Boris can’t fully hope for a happy ending (gotta protect that heart), Natasha has zero doubts. We’re getting them back, damn it! And love’s gonna light the way.

Never Gonna Quote Me Away (From You!):

I don’t wanna hurt you. Don’t let me hurt you.

To somehow

I wanted to make things right. And now I don’t know why I’m here

Let’s go reap a reaper

I brought a bucket

I guess this is the part where I say, “Hello, boys”

It’s you, Dean. It’s always been you. Death defying. Rule breaking. You are everything I live to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate

You think that hate and anger - that’s what drives you. It’s not. Everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done - the good and the bad - you have done for love.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

#spn spoilers #spn recap #spn 15x18 #despair #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #jack kline #charlie #bobby singer #donna hanscum #billie #the empty #destiel #eileen leahy #supernatural season 15

[diminuel]

Do you think one of the reasons so many see dean as a bottom has to do with how they relate so much to dean and they are bottoms that they transfer that? I understand that because I’ve done it with other ships myself but I guess I just find it weird that some fans can be so hostile towards bottom cas. (For the record I think all interpretations are valid) I don’t relate to either of them but if I had to pick one it would be dean but my interpretation of his character from the text is that he’d have a hard time with it all. I just can’t see him ever bottoming at first. It would be major vulnerability. Because of this I have a preference for bottom cas. I won’t say there aren’t more things like aesthetically pleasing but those are minor in to how I see them. Cas is so accommodating I don’t think he would care he just wants to be with Dean. So if Dean wanted to top 100% of the time Cas would be more than fine with it, he doesn’t have hang ups. Because this show went on for so long I can see so many interpretations of these characters and of course AU is a completely different ballgame since they didn’t have the same things happen in those universes. Im much more likely to accept bottom dean in AUs but even then it’s hard for me to accept a characterization that is too off from how I see him. He’s such a prickly one lol I’m sure you’ve talked about this before so no need to rehash, but if you could link me to those posts I’d appreciate it.

(I wrote a nice little essay in response to this, but accidentally closed the window. Wah.)

I’m sure projection has a lot to do with how we interpret characters and develop preferences for fic we want to read (including how we would see/ imagine characters having sex). And maybe when we project strongly, any deviation from that projection feels like an affront? Still no reason to hate on bottom Cas of course (or bottom Dean of course).

But there are a lot of other reasons for why people prefer what they prefer; some might simply enjoy the idea of taking this somewhat macho seeming dude and have him bottom because it might act like a subversion to the persona. Others just like the visuals and some probably don’t care and decide who gets to bottom by tossing a coin or what flows better in the fic.

(Generally speaking, I think the constant mocking of bottom Cas is ridiculous.)

I agree with your interpretation of Dean. Dean grew up in a certain time and place in a certain community (if you can call hunters a community). An endless string of seedy motels and seedier bars along America’s roads and monster related crime scenes doesn’t seem like the most inviting place to learn and figure out your sexuality.

Does anyone, when they think of American hunters in the 90s and 00s as a concept, imagine them to be open minded people? How much nonsense about what it means “to be a man” did Dean soak up being in the presence of angry, traumatized men, who solved their problems by shooting at them, drinking and dying young? The fact that Dean was a teen and young adult in the 90s and 00s should also be considered. It’s probably difficult to unlearn things that he has picked up or the way he sees himself and how he sees and uses sex and sexual innuendo. (Dean’s subjected to physical and verbal violence that is sexualized frequently. He is being insulted for being “pretty”, he is called a girl or a princess for perceived weakness or displaying emotions, not even only from villains, but from family too. He casually insults Sam too for interests and actions Dean considers “unmanly”. And Sam observes, early on, that people think Dean is gay because he’s kinda butch and probably overcompensating. So in a normal, everyday setting outside of hunter haunts, Dean sticks out as well exactly for adopting this macho attitude that gets him respect - in theory - from the crowd that surrounded him growing up.)

On top of that, the Dean Cas first met is a repressed, traumatized, angry bastard. I can imagine that sex that doesn’t happen within Dean’s usual “safe” parameters (women picked up in bars, no strings attached, just for fun) would make him feel vulnerable. It doesn’t even have to come as far as bottoming. And on top of that Cas is a monster shaped like a dude. The monster fucking might be even more of a problem than the dude fucking. Even if nobody knew about it, Dean knows that this would provide a target for attack and while Dean might grin it off, those blows still land.

I think... if you take Dean later in life, with a better network of friends and actual support in his life that goes beyond his brother (who might be more open minded, but is still his father’s son and also couldn’t escape the background radiation of the hunter lifestyle) there’s a better chance of him unlearning harmful impulses and relearning and rediscovering his identity.

I also agree with your take on Cas. Personally, I don’t think about what Cas wants out of sex with Dean as much. He did not grow up in a human society, he doesn’t have the same concepts about sex, gender and identity that Dean has. He only learns about it by mimicking Dean. Sex is boring to him as an angel, he is indifferent to other people’s sexual orientation, still he does typical “heterosexual dude” things when written by Buckleming he’s human. In pretty much every instance where sex or kissing are touched upon, Cas reacts to someone else initiating. So that’s how I think Cas is. He would follow Dean’s lead and pine endlessly if Dean doesn’t initiate anything. (Which is why I don’t really dig Cas being too pushy when it gets to sexual things if we’re in a canon compliant setting.)

I should probably save and post this before I delete it again. If people want to share input or discuss their takes, be my guest! (Just remember that we’re talking about fictional people and fictional sex and that sex can have narrative implications in fiction that it doesn’t have IRL...)

I have a tag for discussions like this but I’m not sure what exactly I’ve already talked about.

#Anonymous #Diminuel replies

[userpoe]

is Poe coded as autistic? I’m a neurotypical so like im terrible at noticing those things sorry

No problem, Nonnie! In my opinion, he absolutely is. There's a lot of stuff to go off of in the films alone: he tends to repeat phrases which is an autistic trait known as echolalia ("happy beeps", "permission to jump into an x-wing and blow something up?", him rephrasing Holdo's speech at the end of TLJ and also referencing what Zorii told him on the rooftop in his and Finn's speech to the Resistance), he never stands still (he bounces on his heels a lot in background shots, which could easily be a stim), and he actually has an outright meltdown in TLJ (the scene on the bridge).

Then in the Resistance cartoons and also Resistance Reborn, he infodumps quite a bit about stuff from the Rebellion era - he knows his stuff when it comes to ships and battles from that era, but isn't as familiar with things from the Clone Wars. And in the Poe comics, he's constantly wearing his flight jacket, which could mean that it's a comfort object for him!

There's a lot of other stuff too (the "hands? hands" scene could be that he's uncomfortable with having to being pressured to emote, or that he's somewhat touch averse if he's really stressed and not initiating it) in each media he's been in that could suggest he's autistic.

But really, the nail on the head for me is his behaviors in TLJ? It reads to me like an autistic person having to deal with incredibly stressful, overwhelming circumstances and a helluva lot of change to their usual routine without their usual support network (the way he follows Holdo around to begin with makes me think he was automatically just going through the motions of what he would do with Leia if she was in charge, working their problems out together, before she shuts him down - he's trying to stick to a routine familiar to him. It doesn't go well).

There's so much stuff I've noticed from the movies alone that I've made one gifset for it already and still have plenty more scene examples that I could make a second one! But yeah, imo, he's autistic!

#ask box #nonnie nonnie #i reined in on this response i could've infodumped about this for hours #there's a LOTA stuff in the various books and movies and cartoons tho that makes me think this #and I've got a lot of stuff ive extrapolated and headcanoned too

[scripttorture]

1/? I have a character who has been caught up in a war between planets ever since he was a child. He was out into hiding from the age of 10 to 16, before watching his younger brother killed by the person prosecuting them and elder sister sell her planet (she's heir basically) to save his life and swore herself loyal to the person to save herself.

2/? (She isn't loyal, but she'd be killed otherwise.) The character is then sent to grow up on a different planet, with his mother who figureheads a resistance against the people who took the characters sister and killed his brother. That's basic backstory continuing the character eventually gets captured again, and it taken to a prison. The character is tortured in the prison bc he killed several very important people and cut off the hands of another. 3/? Its seen (by the torturers i suppose, or at least the woman ordering them to do so) as rightful punishment. I havnt quite hashed out exactly what the torture is other than he definitely by the end has rather severe nerve damage in his hands from the shackles and chronic pain/weakness in one of his legs from something or another. Anyway the characters sister was put in charge of this prison, 4/5 and has no choice but to stand by and watch as the character is tortured. She does her best to make sure he isn't killed and the character knows she has no choice but to let them hurt her bc she is just as much of a prisoner as him, albeit in an entirely seperate way. She could stop the torture, and she could get him out, but she would be killed for it and he knows it. Im just wondering if he would blame her, 5/5 because she is in charge and could stop it. But she would be killed and it would likely end with them both dead. She cares for him when she can which isn't often bc she isn't exactly allowed too. Would he blame her I suppose? She has never hurt him, but lets it happen.

-

Alright I understand what you’re going for here.

 It’s not the kind of situation that’s common enough for there to be systematic studies. Most of the time torturers and their victims don’t have a close relationship. It’s much more common to find cases where they were strangers or acquaintances prior to torture then close family or friends.

 This doesn’t make this a bad idea. It just means that there aren’t definitive answers. I’m working from a handful of anecdotes and extrapolating from other things.

 Even if this was a more common situation I don’t think you’d find many definite answers because individual variation would probably play a huge role.

 Torture changes things for survivors in a lot of unpredictable ways. While we know the possible symptoms what any individual ends up experiencing is unpredictable. And how well people cope with mental health problems, and how that in turn impacts their relationships is dependant on the person. Someone’s personal experience, friends, support network, work, general knowledge and a host of other things can effect these sorts of outcomes.

 Having that person also be tangentially involved in the survivor’s torture complicates things even further.

 What I’m trying to say is that there are a lot of plausible outcomes here and I think that makes this a writing question rather then a realism question. So the real focus is: what works best with the character?

 Blame is definitely possible in the scenario you’ve created but it doesn’t have to be straight-forward or simple.

 For instance the character might blame her while knowing logically that there’s nothing else she could do without putting both of them in more danger. And that could make him feel conflicted about blaming her, possibly feeding into self-blame as well. He could openly blame her, or he could hide his feelings for a variety of reasons.

 He might feel angry, that she’s ‘safer’ or that she can’t protect him. Or just because she ‘stands by’ and watches him at his worst. He might even come to hate her.

 But it’s also possible that he wouldn’t associate her with the torturers or guards and would view her more as a fellow (though perhaps favoured) prisoner. He might pity her. He might feel sympathetic towards her plight.

 He could plausibly have no strong feelings towards her at all.

 Whatever emotional response you think is best it’s important to tie it to what’s come before in the story.

 However you look at things he’s been away from his sister for a long time. It’s not clear to me how much time they spent together growing up (they could have been apart since he was 10 from the sounds of things).

 If they spent a lot of their childhood apart they may not have a close relationship to begin with. I don’t think that would make a particular response more likely but it could mean he has a less intense response to her presence generally. If they weren’t close before then he might not feel her presence is particular significant.

 If they were close then I think it’s a good idea to look back over the story. Read their interactions again and try to get a clear picture in your mind of what their relationship was before.

 Whatever happens you’re writing the process of how that relationship changes. And it’s really helpful to have a clear idea of where you’re starting from first. I personally find it helpful to have a clear idea of where I want to end up as well but some people prefer a more exploratory style where they find out where the characters end up as they write.

 It doesn’t matter which approach works better for you, what matters is that the intervening steps, the process of the relationship changing, are clear and understandable to your readers. And preferably pack a heavy emotional punch as well.

 So if blame is the result you want (if it isn’t use this as an example and apply the same process to the emotional response you want) think about what aspects of their relationship could feed into that.

 If they had a competitive or slightly antagonistic relationship then it might feel natural for him to place some blame on her. After all it’s probably an established pattern from their relationship. If he saw her as a protector and relied on her to keep him safe then this might feel like a huge betrayal.

 If they had a really loving, tender relationship then you might want to lean in to the illogical nature of the response. It might even be a good idea to have the character acknowledge (internally or verbally) that this isn’t a sensible response. And yet this does not make the feeling go away.

 With a more distant relationship did he feel like she betrayed her people or her family by ‘giving up’, regardless of how desperate the situation was? Or did he (as a kid raised in the rebellion) mostly view her as a prisoner?

 If he saw her as a prisoner and felt pity for her would that vanish as she stands by while he suffers? Or would it seem to confirm what he already thought; that she’s helpless, powerless.

 Find some part of their previous relationship that you can tie to this new set of feelings. Or acknowledge that it’s not a sensible response and have the character deal with more complex feelings as a result.

 Mostly try to resist the idea that there’s a ‘right’ response for your character to have.

 Try not to suggest in the story that there is one ‘proper’ response for a survivor to have. Because they are a varied bunch. People can live through more or less the same thing and come out with very different attitudes or perspectives as well as symptoms.

 The response you write should be the one that works best with your characters and the story you want to tell. Don’t feel you must use blame. Instead think about whether it adds to your story: does it create interesting character moments, obstacles for the characters or feed into the plot?

 You’re the person who knows what’s best for the story and what will work best with the characters. Be open to multiple options. Take your time and think through what works best.

 For the character himself it’s possible (may be likely) that he’d already have some trauma symptoms before he’s captured.

 I get the impression you’ve probably already seen the Masterpost on common trauma symptoms, but here it is for the new readers. :)

 For the physical injury pattern you’ve got multiple options.

 I think that really severe nerve damage suggests something more then shackles. Unless something went wrong.

 The easiest way to get both injuries in your character would be a suspension torture that was more common historically. Victims had their hands tied together in front of them, were hoisted anywhere between a few feet and two meters in the air and then dropped.

 This causes nerve damage in both hands and could cause breaks or fractures in the legs. Either could lead to chronic pain.

 Suspension without the drop would still cause nerve damage in about 15-20 minutes.

 Nerve damage is less common with restraints but it is still possible. Ratcheting cuffs that can tighten are more likely to cause nerve damage, especially if they’re applied too tightly over a long period.

 Other dangerous things that can happen with those sorts of restraints being too tight- Broken wrists and reduced circulation leading to painful swelling in the hands (look up ‘finger milking’ in my tags for more information).

 Over longer periods (multiple hours with the cuffs tight enough to cause swelling in the hands) blood clots might form and that uh… really dangerous. Basically if large blood clots start forming in a limb due to reduced circulation then they either block the blood vessels (which kills the limb and leads to amputation) or the clot gets swept back into the body when the restraints are removed. The clot usually then lodges in the brain or the heart causing a stroke or a heart attack respectively.

 I’d say suspension probably works better for your purposes.

 Standing stress positions can lead to chronic pain in the legs. But it often also effects the back and usually effects both legs.

 Falaka might work. It’s beating the soles of the feet with an implement. Depending on the implement it can be clean, scarring or even lethal. With a harder implement like a wooden stick it can lead to fractured or broken bones in the feet.

 But even when falaka is performed in a ‘clean’ manner it can lead to chronic pain. It causes a thickening of the tendons in the soles and also causes tiny bone fragments to detach inside the feet. It’s unclear how long these bone fragments stick around but they’re detectable by MRI for a few months with the right method.

 You could also just go with the idea of the leg injury being the result of a specific attack or accident. A broken knee perhaps, after a beating or a fall. Not all injuries in torture scenarios are ‘deliberate’, in the sense that they weren’t necessarily intentional. Because torturers are not as in control of the situation as they’d like people to believe.

 I think I’ll leave it at that for now, but if you have any further questions don’t hesitate to come by when the askbox is open. :)

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