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#but even though it was sad it was really a beautiful final episode
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Koichi. It's okay. I will never forget you. Until the day I die, I will never forget you. Koichi is my number one. I love you the most.
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coffeecatcraze · 4 months
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I would just like to say how hard it hits me in the chest to see Charlie masking every time she's onscreen the day before the fight (including what we see on Vox's spy screens of course), except when no one is with her but Vaggie. Even during her emotional speech she tries so damn hard to keep that confidence up and smile on. But we do see her stop masking twice, when the only person watching her is Vaggie.
First:
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No one's really paying attention to her, and she's not smiling; she's worried. When Vaggie approaches her, she doesn't put on a happy face. She talks about her mom with the same smile as in the first episode (during a very emotionally vulnerable moment with Vaggie, might I add). It's not happy or confident. It's nostalgic, wistful, and sad, because her mom's absence is something very personal and painful for her. When Vaggie asks if they're ready, Charlie doesn't instantly start to smile or answer with confidence even though she usually would (even within that short beat of time), because her mask is off. She's not confident or optimistic. She's scared. She's not ready.
Then Pentious comes out and she's all smiles again! The mask comes back on when someone other than Vaggie is there.
Second:
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Of course, one of our favorite scenes. Charlie's alone when she breaks down, but when Vaggie shows up, she keeps the mask off. She admits how scared she is. When she does smile, it's not the big smile she's been throwing on throughout the day, and it's not strained either. It's soft, gentle, and real. She's not masking. Vaggie is genuinely making her feel better when she's finally letting herself fall apart, just by being there and reminding her that no matter what happens, she's already accomplished so much, and she's so loved.
Charlie is under a lot of stress and pressure. She's scared. She's not as optimistic as she's making herself out to be. She's giving everything she's got out there being a strong, confident, inspirational leader and friend in front of everyone, and it's only with Vaggie that she lets it go. She doesn't have to try to be strong. She doesn't pretend. She lets down her guard, because for her, Vaggie is that one infinitely special person who gets to see every part of her; the one person she can always be her honest self with.
There were plenty of times in other episodes when Charlie didn't mask her negative emotions around people, but that was when she didn't have anyone looking to her as a leader. She's running on adrenaline and the weight of people's expectations as Extermination Day gets closer, and she can't let the mask she's put on slip in public. She has to seem like she's totally ready for what's coming. But Vaggie is different.
The amount of trust and love Charlie has for her is staggering. She's under an insane amount of stress and pressure, and having Vaggie by her side is probably the only thing keeping her from completely falling to pieces. Seeing a relationship so full of deep trust and love is absolutely beautiful. <3
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love-takes-work · 6 months
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I've seen a fair number of people interpret Rebecca Sugar's (and the Crew's) decision to put Ruby in a dress as subversive, and I want to discuss why that feels like a clear miss to me.
Every time--every single time--I've heard Rebecca Sugar talk about the queer relationships on this show, it comes with this expression of wholesomeness, and often glazed with a sheen of wistfulness, flavored something like "I needed this as a child and young person, and I didn't have it." Much of Rebecca Sugar's work to bring this wedding (and other unapologetic queer relationships) to the screen was framed as an emergency--as in, we HAVE to get this out there for those kids we used to be, because we know they're drowning.
Yes, it's funny sometimes when people make jokes about Sugar deliberately "adding more gay" or "making it gayer" as a big eff-you to the people who spoke against it, but that doesn't sit right from where I'm standing. It took so much strength (and resulted in so much battle damage) to fight that fight, yes. But from everything I can see from the interviews and conversations I've seen and read, this wasn't served up in a "ha-HA, take THAT!" kind of way. These characters having these kinds of relationships should have been a non-issue, and the fact that their very wholesome kids'-show wedding and very sweet kiss and very adorable love for each other was seen as Political when it should have been just two characters in love is so sad to me.
I've seen dozens of people suggest that Ruby is in a dress and Sapphire is in a suit "to fuck with the bigoted censors in other countries" or "to give the finger to gender roles," but again, I think it is simpler and sweeter than that. Rebecca's said that Ruby in a dress is how she feels in a dress. Celebration and exploration of feminine-coded stuff felt wrong to Rebecca for a long time, like it wasn't hers, because she wasn't really a woman and didn't want it forced on her. As a result she was robbed of all the beauty that should have been a non-issue, from what TV shows and toys she was supposed to enjoy as a kid to what kind of person she was supposed to marry and what she should wear as an adult.
Ruby never got a choice about how she looked really. Once she got to choose her presentation for a significant event, this is what she chose. It means so much more to see that than to construct it primarily as a reactionary measure, as if it would somehow foil the sinister censors in more homophobic countries (who, incidentally, are not therefore forced to show Ruby in a dress even though they tried to hide that Ruby was a "she" or that she was in a romantic relationship with another "she"; y'all, they just don't show the episode).
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We see plenty of other examples of gender-role-related expectations being casually stepped on and squashed, like when they took the trouble to give traditionally masculine and traditionally feminine "clothes" to some watermelons to make the audience think there was a husband and wife watermelon only to have the wife be the warrior and the husband stay home with the child. With stuff like that, yeah, sure, maybe it's designed to make you think "oh isn't that very feminist of them!" Or maybe it's more "well why do I see this as a 'reversal' when it's just a thing that happened?" This show is full of ladyish beings who fight and have power. And as for Steven. . . .
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Nobody has negative reactions onscreen (or even particularly confused reactions) when Steven wears traditionally feminine clothes, and it is (of course) also not presented as a "boy in a dress gag"--it's not supposed to be funny. When they go all in slathering Steven in literal princess tropes throughout the final act of Season 5, we understand that it's because the powerful Diamonds expect him to be Pink Diamond, not because the show is trying to girlify him or embarrass him or even make the audience think positive thoughts about boys in girls' clothes. It's more neutral than that in my interpretation: "these are literally just pieces of cloth, and while some of them have meaning, they don't inherently have a gender." I don't see this as transgressive. It's just in a world where putting on what you want to wear doesn't HAVE to be a political statement. (Though obviously it CAN be, and plenty of people wear a variety of clothes as a fuck-you to whoever they want to give the finger to. I just don't see that as happening here.)
Don't get me wrong; Rebecca Sugar certainly knew about the politics (intimately) and has lived at many of their intersections. She was not ignorant of how queer people are seen in this world. She was silenced as a bisexual person because her identity supposedly didn't matter if she was with a man and planned to be with that same man forever. She was shunted into "omg a woman did this!" categories over and over again, which she wore uneasily as a nonbinary person while accepting that part of who we are is how the world sees us. But what is it like if everything someone like her embraces is seen as a statement synonymous with "fuck you" to someone else?
She is married to a person who happens to be a man and happens to be Black. Her relationship isn't a "statement" about either of those aspects of his existence; her love is simply something that is. She is Jewish working in a society that's largely Christian. Her cultural perspective to NOT center her cartoon around Christian holidays and Christian morals; her choices to make an alternate world in this specific way is simply something that is. Her queer perspective as a nonbinary bisexual person has helped inform the Gems' radical philosophy of "what if we learned to explore and define ourselves instead of doing the 'jobs' we're assigned and being told it's our nature?" Her decision to include queer people in a broadly queer cartoon isn't designed PRIMARILY as a battle against baddies, or to drown out all the relentless straightness, or to deliciously get our queer little paws all over their kids' TV. It's an act of love.
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So this is just to say that though I DO understand that sometimes subversion and intentional transgression are very necessary, I do not think that's the HEART of what's going on at this Gem wedding. We got a wholesome marriage scene between two of the most lovely little flawed-but-still-somehow-perfect characters, and I very much want to see their choices as being about them. About how Ruby feels in a dress. About how Sapphire feels about not having to always wear a dress. About them incorporating a symbol of their union into their separate lives so they can have some independence in their togetherness. About them celebrating their love by letting Steven wipe his schmaltz all over them.
There are many choices in the show that ARE carefully constructed to counter existing narratives, you know, giving the Crystal Gems' only boy all the healing, pink, flower imagery; having a single-sex species that's ladyish with all the members going by "she"; featuring many nurturing male characters who cry and cook and raise kids without mothers; pairing multiple fighty ladies with gentler guys; and importantly, intentionally loading up the show with stories, characters, and imagery any gender will find appealing despite being tasked with expectations to pander to the preteen boy demographic.
But it's very important to me that the inclusion of queer characters and the featuring of their choices be seen primarily as a loving act, and way way less of a "lol screw the bigots." I want our stories to be about us. Yes, I know it's a necessary evil that sometimes our stories are also about fighting Them. But every time I see someone say they put Ruby in the dress to "piss off the homophobes" or "stump the censors" I feel a little gross. Like the time I picked out an outfit I loved and my mom said I only dressed in such an obnoxious way to upset her, and I was baffled because my aesthetic choices, my opinions, my choices had nothing to do with her. Yet they were framed like I chose these clothes primarily to cause some kind of petty harm to her, when not only was it not true but I was not even that kind of person who would gloat over intentionally irritating someone.
The queerness of this show isn't a sneaky, underhanded act trying above all to upset a bigot or celebrate someone's homophobic fury. It lives for itself. Its existence is about itself. It's so we can see ourselves in a show, and it's so people who aren't queer or don't have those experiences can see that we exist, we participate, we want very similar things, and definitely are focusing way more about celebrating our love at our own weddings rather than relishing the thought of bigots tearing their hair out and hating us.
It's dangerous to turn every act of our love into a deliberate movement in a battle strategy when their weddings just get to be weddings.
I think there’s this idea that that [queer characters] is something that applies or should be only discussed with adults that is completely wrong. And I think when you realize that talking to kids about heteronormativity is just like air that you breathe all the time, it’s kind of amazing that that is not true in any other capacity. I think if you wait to tell kids, to tell queer youth that it matters how they feel or that they are even a person, then it’s going to be too late! You have to talk about it—you have to let it be what it gets to be for everyone. I mean, like, I think about, a lot of times I think about sort of fairy tales and Disney movies and the way that love is something that is ALWAYS discussed with children. And I think also there’s this idea that’s like, oh, we should represent, you know, queer characters that are adults, because there are adults that are queer, and you should know that’s something that is happening in the adult world, but that’s not how those films or those stories are told to children. You’re told that YOU should dream about love, about this fulfilling love that YOU’RE going to have. […] The Prince and Snow White are not like someone’s PARENTS. They’re something you want to be, that you are sort of dreaming of a future where you will find happiness. Why shouldn’t everyone have that? It’s really absurd to think that everyone shouldn’t get to have that! --Rebecca Sugar
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thebestofoneshots · 14 days
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Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)
Series Masterlist | Previous episode
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Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 8.9K Warnings: ANGST w/ comfort (but also not?) Prompt: A Winter in Lupin's Cottage This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Proofread by lovely: @aremuslupinsimp
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Chapter 48: Dust in the Wind
December 26th, 1976
The green flames rose and enveloped you alongside the slightly dusty smell of floo powder, you closed your eyes and opened them again until you felt the very distinctive smell of a home-cooked meal. You opened your eyes and stepped out of the fire. Remus was hugging a beautiful woman with hair exactly the same as his, and just next to them was a man, as tall as Remus, who had a hand on your friend’s shoulder. 
“Good evening,” you said politely, a small nod that the man returned. 
He stepped forward, “Lyall Lupin,” he said as he extended his hand, and you shook it while you introduced yourself to him. 
Remus’ mum pulled her face from her boy’s shoulder and turned to you, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, darling,” she said as she pulled you into a hug. She might have been the prettiest woman you had seen in your life. “Remus has told me a lot about you in his letters,” she said and you threw Remus a look, he just shrugged in response. “I’m really sorry it’s in such a condition that we finally meet, though” she pulled back and looked at you straight in the eyes. Remus’ brown, you realised as you stared back, “How are you?” 
You looked to the side, not sure what to say. You weren’t sure how much Remus’ parents knew, so you weren’t sure how to answer, you didn’t want to scare them, but you told Remus to ask them if it was all right if you went, so he must have at least mentioned the fact that you could have been a dеath eater target. Did he also tell them about your Mum? About Nina? 
“I’m coping,” you replied with a sad smile– that didn’t seem to convince Hope and she brought you back into a hug. “I’m really sorry you had to go through such awful things, darling.” 
You blinked a few times, she had a rather strong accent, but it was charming, you wondered if smaller Remus spoke more like her before Hogwarts. 
“Thank you,” you said as you leaned a little more into her hug. You didn’t realise how well hugging her made you feel. She was about the same height as your Mum, if you closed your eyes– no.
“Are you hungry?” She asked you as she pulled back to look at your face. She definitely had his eyes and they had the same mouth, although her nose was smaller, more narrow and slightly more pointy, the feminine version of Remus. She really could be her older sister and not his mum. No wonder Lyall fell madly in love with her. 
“The food smells delicious,” you said politely. She smiled, the exact same smirk Remus would sometimes give you. It was the smirk he’d use when he was up to something. 
“You know, I’m no wizard,” she said as she nodded for you to follow into the kitchen, “But I’d be dumb if I didn’t take advantage of all the fantastic things the magical world has to offer,” she said as she pointed at her kitchen. There was a floating spoon spinning the soup. She opened one of her drawers and picked out a few spices. Some of them were normal muggle spices, some of them were magical spices, and there were even a couple of potions there. 
She’s amazing, you thought as you saw her picking a warming potion and placing a couple of drops on the soup. “It’s great for winter,” she explained, “keeps me warm all night, even when Lyall is not around.” 
“When who is not around?” Lyall asked as he walked inside the kitchen, he had stayed behind talking to Remus. 
Hope threw him a smile and then a wink, placing a bit of the soup in the back of her hand, and then bringing it to her lips. 
“Do you like it very salty?” she asked. 
“Oh, I’ll take it how you take it,” you said with a quick shake of your head. Hope gave you another smile, winked your way and then took a small pinch of salt and added it to the pot. 
“Lyall, darling, would you set the table, please?” 
“We’re on it,” he responded. The cupboard above her head opened wide and a set of plates, cups and cutlery floated out of it and towards the dining area. You gently stepped out of the way as a small cup floated right over your head. 
“How can I help?” you asked her as he took the spoon, gave a few more twists to the soup and placed it on the sink. 
“There is some fresh apple juice on the fridge,” she said as she pointed towards one of the cupboards. “Do you mind bringing it over?” 
You had known what fridges were, you were muggle savvy enough, but you had never actually seen a fridge, at least not one outside of a muggle grocery store. So you walked towards the cupboard she had pointed and pulled the door open, only for the door of a fridge to be opened alongside it. A whiff of cool air hit your face and you leaned down to look through the things that Hope kept there. Milk, cheese, ham, and a couple of jars of things you didn’t know, there were also toppers with leftover food. 
You quickly found the jar and pulled it out of the fridge. “You don’t need anti-spoiling charms when you have one of these?” you asked, “food never goes bad?” 
Hope threw you a look as she pulled out gloves from a cupboard and used them to pick the pot of soup, “It goes bad if you leave it for too long. Unless you freeze it. Frozen food can last almost forever,” she explained. She walked outside with the soup and placed it on top of a wooden table that Lyall and Remus had placed there. Rem stood up and used his wand to bring over a tray with bread, and then one with shredded cheese. 
The magic spoon started serving your food as you placed your plate close to the pot, and then Hope used a normal spoon to add cheese on top of hers and yours. “You’ll like it, trust me,” she said with a smile. 
“It’s her special tomato soup,” Lyall said and took the cheese plate from her hands to serve himself and Remus. 
“How’s school?” He asked him as he added some cheese. 
“Remus is incredible,” you said before he even got to speak. Lyall turned to you with a raised eyebrow. “Insanely clever, he’s exceptionally good at potions, History and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I think he got ´Os´ on all of his final projects.” 
“She was my partner on most of them,” Remus said and then threw you a look.
He could tell you had switched into charmer mode. You stood slightly straighter and you spoke in the same way you had used back at Slughorn’s party. The tone you used on teachers sometimes. He too was charmed by you when you did it, but he didn’t want you to make such an effort, especially not for his parents. 
Hope, who didn’t really care for Remus’ grade as much as Lyall did, had been a lot more busy looking at the way her son was looking at you. She could easily tell how worried he was, and while she couldn’t see past the mask you wore, she was certain Remus could. 
“No talking grades on the table,” she scolded Lyall. “How have you been, Beag Gille?” 
“Oh,” you said as you sat your spoon on the soup. “That’s Little Boy! Isn’t it?” 
“You speak Gaelic?!” Hope asked, surprised. 
“Oh no,” you replied as you shook your head. “But Remus has called me a few things in Gaaelic before, “Beag Nicnevin and… what was it?  Oh right, he called me and Sirius something like  chachelan alan.” 
Hope raised an eyebrow, and looked at Remus who was holding his breath, and looked like he wanted to be swallowed by the ground. “Chailleachan àlainn?” 
“Yes! That was it,” you responded. 
“And neither of you know what he meant by that, did you?” She asked, there was a smile playing on her lips. 
“No,” you laughed. “But we got the meaning loud and clear, he was insulting us.” 
Hope’s smile tightened. She had had the suspicions that Rem had once had a crush on Sirius. She was sure, from the letters, that he liked you a lot, but it was now that she realised her Beag Gille had fallen for his two best friends. And neither of you had a clue, apparently. 
“Is it not an insult?” You asked when you noticed her expressions.
“Oh no, it is, awful one,” she said as she sent Remus a look. He just swallowed. He had never been more thankful that Lyall could not speak an ounce of Gaelic, no matter how many times both Hope and himself had tried to teach him. “Should have never given him that old dictionary,” she added, as she pointed at the bookshelf behind her. 
Remus threw her a look and resisted the urge to kick her under the table, “But she speaks many other languages, right, Vix?” 
“Vix?” Lyall asked, confused. 
“From Vixen, they thought it was a funny nickname,” you said with a shrug. “It grows on you,” you added then. “I don’t speak that many.” 
“At least 3 different ones,” Remus said. You refrained from saying how many you actually spoke. “When she and Sirius want to be annoying they start talking in French to shoot me out.” 
“And do you often find her and Sirius annoying?” Hope asked, turning to her son while she leaned her head on the back of her hand. 
“Yes, plenty of times,” Remus shot back rather quickly and gave a look to his mum. He had given you that same look plenty of times before, but you didn’t think he would give it to his mother. 
You leaned back towards Lyall and whispered, “Sir… Do you know what’s going on?” 
“I was about to ask you the same thing,” he admitted and then shrugged. “They’re often like this thought, it’s like they know something the rest of us normal people don’t,” he said the last bit a little louder and Hope turned to him with a salacious smile. 
What a stunning woman, you thought as you saw her tilt her head at her husband, “You said you wanted the garlic?” she asked and extended her hand towards him, he scoffed as he took it in between his hands as he shook his head. That was Remus’ amused expression, he too tended to look at you that way often. 
After that, Hope changed the subject and she ended up telling you embarrassing baby stories of Remus. He had given up on stopping her babbling near the end of the second story, and just focused on finishing his soup. 
“So he then looked at me, he had this cute, adorable fat cheeks back then, and he frowned, mind you he was about this tall,” Hope said as she placed her hand near the ground. “And then he said: MUM, I’GWONA CORWSE YOU!“ 
“No way!” 
“He was small but he was clever,” Hope said with a nod, “He caught on pretty fast that his dad was the only one who could do magic besides him. Anyway, Lyall got pretty angry at him and he was grounded for saying that.” 
“And all for a lemon curd pie?”
“Clearly, you’ve never tried her lemon curd pie,”  Remus said as he stood up and picked his plate up. Since Hope and you were done, he also picked those up. 
“I can make you some, darling,” she added with a smile. “As long as you promise not to curse me,” she added with a smirk. 
You laughed, “I’d curse whoever tried to course you, Hope.” She had asked you to call her by her name at some point during the first story.
“And she really would,” Remus agreed, “she’s a brilliant duelist.” 
“I knew you’d be as sweet as Remus pictured you, but I’m starting to think he was selling you short,” she said and stood to pull the cups, you instantly stood to help her as well. 
“Oh leave it,” she said when she spotted you walking towards the sink. “Lyall charmed the sink so the dishes would wash themselves,” she explained and simply placed the things over the sink. “It’s the wonders of having married a wizard. Now you must be tired. Remus’ll give you his bed.” 
“What?” You asked. “No, I wouldn’t want to–” 
“Nonsense,” Hope said. “We have a good sleeping bag Remus’ll take. We’ve raised a gentleman after all.”
You smiled, Remus had never been anything short of one, that wasn’t a lie, “Thank you.”
When you moved to walk toward the door they had pointed to as Remus' room, Hope spoke again, “Remus darling, would you mind coming over just a second.”  
Remus gave a look your way and then walked towards his mum. “Yeah?” 
“Chailleachan àlainn?” She asked simply. 
“It was taken out of context mum, you wouldn’t–”  
She just smiled, “It might be a little too soon to tell, Beag Gille, but from what I’ve seen…” 
“What?” 
Hope bit her lip, “Have you ever heard of Emperor Nero?” 
“Eh… Roman? Really bad or something?” 
Hope smiled, “Yeah, Nero was vioIent, certainly. But there was something else. Look up his story with Sporus and Sabina, would you?” 
“Why?” 
Hope smiled and shrugged, “I’ll tell you once you’ve looked it up.” 
Remus narrowed his eyes at her impatiently. “Mum,” he complained, her smile only widened. “I’m not a kid anymore, you can’t manipulate me into learning.” 
“Oh, Remus, you’ll always be my Beag Gille,” she said as she reached for his cheeks. She could barely pinch anything now, but she did anyway. 
Remus rolled his eyes but allowed her to play with his face to her heart’s content. 
“By Merlin!” you exclaimed. “Is this baby Remus?” 
That was enough to distract her, there was a small portrait of Remus in your hands. It was his fourth birthday, he had no scars since he wasn’t a werewolf and he was smiling at the camera as he blew the candles. Hope walked over to you and smiled. “See those fluffy little cheeks?”  
You nodded in return. “He was absolutely adorable!” you said as you looked at him. Remus, your Remus, but smaller and chubbier, almost too cute to handle. 
“And he would never shut up,” Hope said. “Always asking questions about something.” 
“Exactly like his mum,” Lyall said, and she scoffed at him. 
Lyall and Hope seemed to be truly happy with each other, you had never seen that kind of playful banter between your parents. You wondered if they had ever been like that; if your father had ever made your mum smile the same way Lyall made Hope smile. You knew they had loved each other, in a weird twisted kind of way, but never like Hope and Lyall. You decided then, that that was the kind of love you wanted to have. And then a small smile appeared on your lips, since, in the end, you weren’t that far from it. 
“All right, time to sleep,” Hope said as she clapped her hand and pushed both you and Remus towards the room. “Remus has his own bathroom, so you can use it to change.” 
“Thank you,” you said with a smile as you walked inside. Remus’ room was smaller than any of the rooms in Hogwarts but it wasn’t exactly small either. He had a wall filled with rows of bookshelves, there was a small desk on the side, right in front of one of the windows, with a few books lying on the side. There was a closet next to the door and there was another door right after it. 
Remus had a few posters on the windows, and his closet was filled with pictures of places he had visited with his parents and a bunch of pictures with his friends. “Oh Godric! He looks exactly like Regulus did,” you said as you left your suitcase drop hastily on the floor and leaned down on the wooden floorboard to pick a picture of young Sirius. 
“That was in first year,” Remus said with a smile, remembering the day he took that picture of Sirius. He had been fascinated with the camera Remus had brought after the Christmas break and wanted to know everything about it.
“This is basically the Reggie I met two years ago,” you said with a smile, “down to the haircut.” 
“Sirius has always had softer features, though,” Remus said. 
You nodded in agreement, “He was so cute, almost as cute as you with your adorable chipmunk cheeks,” you said before placing the picture back in its place and standing up. Remus tried not to blush at your words. You had probably said it inadvertently, but you had basically said he was cuter than Sirius. “Is that your bathroom?” 
Remus nodded, “Go ahead, I’ll change here.” 
You walked over to a corner with your suitcase and opened it, taking out some sleeping clothes before walking inside the bathroom and starting to get changed, but you had forgotten your toothbrush, so you walked outside to get it again. Remus’ head snapped over to the door as it opened. 
You half gasped, Remus wore so many soft and cuddly sweaters, it was easy to forget how ripped he actually was. “Ugh, sorry, I can wait inside if–” 
“You know I’m a werewolf anyway,” Remus said with a shrug. He was –in fact– not  as cool as he appeared. 
You smiled and walked behind him, your arm accidentally brushing against his back when you walked past him to get the toothbrush. He was quicker while trying to find something, a simple sleep shirt. It took you no longer than a second to get your toiletry set. By the time you turned around, he already had a shirt on. But it was an old one, and it was rather tight. 
“The colour suits you,” you said before walking back inside the bathroom. Remus frowned, it was a simple grey shirt –not simple, a tight grey shirt–. And while you might have not known it then, it hadn’t been the colour that prompted you to say that. 
When you finished you walked straight into the bed and sat on the edge, Remus was extending the sleeping bag on the floor. You pulled your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around them as you rested your chin over them. “Is that really comfortable?” you asked in disbelief. 
“It’s okay,” he said with a shrug. 
“And… are you really planning to sleep there?” 
“Where else?” He asked as he turned to you. 
You pointed at the bed with your head, as if it were the most obvious thing. 
“I can turn into Vixen if you want,” you said, doing it instantly and leaning your head closer to lick his face. 
“Ugh, Little Witch!” he complained as he pulled back. You jumped from the bed over to his lap. It was obvious that asking to sleep with him like last night would have been weird. Not because you didn’t enjoy cuddling up to Remus, he was very cuddleable. But you feared he might have been uncomfortable and had only done it because it was necessary. You didn’t want to force him into something he didn’t like, but you knew for a fact that he liked cuddling Vixen. 
You brushed your head against him and he sighed. “Fine then,” he said. “I’ll brush my teeth, see you on the bed.” 
You jumped over to the bed and turned back. You had been so distracted you had entirely forgotten to tell Sirius and James you’d gone with Rem. So you took some paper from his desk and wrote a small note on a piece of paper. You leaned over the window and tapped a few times, you had given Reese the address, and you hoped he was around. When you spotted his small figure approaching the window from the fence, you smiled, hastily opening the window and wrapping the note on his feet. 
You were shutting the window when Remus left the bathroom, “I just owled the boys, so they know we’re here.” 
“I brought the radio,” he said pointing at his backpack, “And I also told them you were coming.” 
“When?” you were with me almost all day. 
“When I owled my parents.” 
“Before they sent the letter that said I could stay, were you that confident?” 
Remus nodded, and you scoffed with a smile, throwing a pillow his way before walking back to the bed and turning into Vixen. Remus lay on his bed and gently pulled you over his chest. The two of you were asleep in an instant. 
December 27th, 1976
There was a gentle hand on your head coaxing you awake. “Little Witch,” Remus said softly, “Little Witch.” 
You blinked awake, Remus smiled when he saw your small eyes open and dug his finger near your ear scratching the section softly, just like Vixen adored. You licked your snout and then dug your head on his chest again. 
“Nu-uh,” he said cheerfully. “No more sleep, I want to show you something.” 
You frowned and looked through the window. It was dark as fuck, Remus never woke up before the sun came up, you had even threatened Sirius with waking him up early just to make him cranky for the rest of the day. 
You jumped off his chest and onto the side of the bed, turning back and appearing in a sitting position, “Who are you and what have you done to my Remus?” 
Her Remus? I certainly like the sound of that, he thought and smiled a little wider. “Trust me, it’ll be worth it.” 
“On a scale from 1 to 10?” 
“Eleven, now shut up,” he whispered and stood up, walking to his closet and throwing a jumper and then a coat your way. “You’ll need this. It is still cold out there.” 
You frowned but pulled the jumper over your head, and then put on the coat. The coat was long, it reached your ankles, on Remus it probably reached way higher. You grabbed a pair of boots from your suitcase and tied them on as Remus did the same with his old pair of brown converses. 
When he was done, he nodded and the two of you walked outside of his room. He’d cast a silencing steps spell on the two of you so you wouldn’t wake his parents, and then you were out the door. You had not seen the outside of his house, and while Dumbledore had mentioned that they lived near the sea, you did not expect them to live that close. 
When he opened his front door, there was a whiff of cool wind that hit your face, which caused you to wince, but right after getting used to it you opened your eyes, the first thing that you heard was the sound of waves, so loud and clear, you wondered how it was possible that you hadn’t heard it when you were inside the cottage. From his front door, there was a small path that led to a simple stone fence, it was covered with a thin layer of snow, just like most of the garden, except for the small stone path that led to the wooden door of the fence. 
“Dad heat charmed the rocks,” Remus said as he saw you staring. You leaned down and placed your hand on them, they were warm to the touch but not too hot to burn. You smiled, Lyall was as much of a talented wizard as Remus. 
Beyond the fence, there were a few metres of land, and then, there was the steep end of a cliff. You looked marvelled at the scene, the moon was still shining in the sky, and it reflected a light beam of light on the sea. 
“Come,” he said as he grabbed your arm and pulled you towards the gate. From there, he dragged you through the area and towards a different place.  You followed behind Remus for what must have been a 15-minute walk. The soft sound of waves, the crunching of your shoes against the snow and the melody of both of your breaths had combined to make the scenery even more soothing. The beam of light from the moon seemed to follow you as you climbed up and down smaller hills, as you heard the waves crashing against the shore way below the area you were standing on. Remus didn’t let go of you at all on the walk. 
His hand had found its way into your arm and he was guiding you through a path invisible to your eyes but impossibly clear to his. You were half admiring the way nature shone, and half the way he so easily moved through it. You knew Remus had a great sense of orientation, you had seen as much the day he guided you through the halls and then through the secret passages, you had seen Moony run and chase through the woods like the natural hunter he was, but you had never seen Remus outside of school grounds, or Hogsmeade. 
You had never seen him speeding through snow-covered hills and towards a direction completely unknown to you, the confidence by which he moved, the cadence of his steps, the sureness of his stance, they were all sides of Rem you had seen before, but now you stared at them in a new light. Perhaps it was how emotional you were, or the moon shining high above the two of you, reflecting its silver light on Remus’ profile, but you found the scene absolutely breathtaking, fascinating and beyond enrapturing. And you hadn’t even gotten to the place Remus was trying to show you.
“Mind your step,” he said as he tightened his grip on your hand, nodding towards a stoney step that seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. “It’s ruins from an old castle,” he explained. “You can find these irregularities almost all over the valley,” he added as he pointed behind him, the light of the moon allowed you to discern a few, old crumbling towers. 
You smiled, and then followed behind him, not towards the castle, but in the same unknown direction he had been dragging you since you stepped outside of his house. No more than 5 minutes passed, and he stopped, let go of your hand and walked towards the end of the cliff, as if to make sure he was in the right place, and then he came back. “It’s here, come over,” he whispered, and grabbed your arm again, pulling you towards the cliff. 
He sat down near the edge and then patted the spot right next to him. You sat down on the snow next to him. 
“Look,” he whispered as he pointed towards the water. 
You stared at the shimmering water for a couple of seconds, but you didn’t see anything other than the reflections of the moon. You were about to turn to Remus, to ask him what exactly he was going on about when you noticed a slight movement, and then a shimmering, iridescent fin. 
You gasped and covered your mouth instantly, “Remus, it’s merfolk!” you whispered. He smiled when he saw the wondrous expression that filled your face. “How is it possible?” you asked as you saw one of them jump from the water and then back in. You realised as well, that the crashing of the waves at the bottom, was accompanied by soft screeches that would get carried away with the strong wind. “They’re out and about, aren’t they scared to be spotted by muggles?”  
“It’s a reserve,” Remus explained. “That’s why Dad decided to move here. Apparently, they’ve charmed almost the entire place. Muggles forget what they’re doing and turn back whenever they cross the magical borders, kind of like Hogwarts and Hogsmeade.” 
“Does that mean there are more magical creatures here?” You whispered as you leaned your head over the edge to see the merfolk better. You could instantly tell they were Sunfolk since they had long, human-like hair and were stunningly beautiful. Some of the deadIiest. 
“Yeah, there’s a forest not too far from him that is said to be more filled with magical beings than the Forbidden Forest. I heard Dad mention there were fae there too, I guess we could also visit if you–”
“No,” you said simply. “Fae are dangerous, Grandma taught me as much.” 
“No more than merfolk,” Remus retorted. 
“And we’re looking at them from far away,” you added. “With Fae, it wouldn’t be as simple. They could charmspeak you, Remus.”
Charmspeak was something similar to the Imperius curse, when done properly, the fae could get you to do whatever it is that they wanted. Your mom had been capable of it, she and your grandma had taught you how to resist it since they were scared you might be stolen as a child, and taken back to their tribe. Your grandma hadn’t left in the best of terms, and fae were resentful people. 
“They can too,” he said pointing at the sirens. “They’re beautifully deadIy” 
“I’m aware,” you responded with a smile and leaned a little closer to the edge, your hands firmly gripping the very end of the cliff as you used them to support yourself and look down curiously. “That makes them even more enrapturing, don’t you think?” You turned to face him. 
Remus laughed, “You really do like dangerous things.” 
“Not all the dangerous things,” you said, thinking back to a few nights ago. 
What a beautiful sight it was that Remus had brought you to, a welcome distraction to the thoughts and memories plaguing your mind. But that didn’t stop you from feeling slightly bitter at the sweetness of the world. Was it making fun of you and your sadness, by being so beautiful and wild? Were the gorgeous scenes mocking your grieving soul or was it an omen of better times? 
The darkness was starting to subdue, the sky tinted orange and pink tones ahead, you hadn’t noticed until then, that Remus had woken you to see the sunset along with him. 
“You come here often?” You asked as you leaned back on your hands, the cold snow more refreshing than painful as it had been nights ago. 
“Dad bought the house when I entered Hogwarts. There’s a small muggle school in which mum teaches history and science a few kilometres west.” 
“Wasn’t she a chef?” 
“Mum has been so many things, you’d be surprised. She worked at an insurance company in Cardiff before she met Dad, but before that she had been in a band.” 
“A band?” you asked, turning to Remus. The warm morning light was reflecting on his skin, making his features softer and homely, like the groggy Remus you had met after the moon, the one who acted like a child and wanted to cuddle you for longer. 
He nodded. “She was the drummer,” he explained. “She said she thought there was more to the world than it had to offer and that she wanted to explore the endless possibilities of it all. No wonder she fell in love with a wizard.” You bit your lip as you laughed. Hope was a fascinating woman indeed.
“Anyway, I didn’t know the house until the Christmas break of my first year, Mum and Dad didn’t have to move around as much since they didn’t have to hide Moony anymore and they decided to settle down here. Dad warned her not to get too close to the cliffs, and not to wander around, but she’s stubborn, a lot like you actually.”
“She was the one to find the merfolk, she’s not stupid, though, she didn’t dare to get close to them until she asked Dad all he could tell her about them and gobbled a few hundred books. I got that from her,” he said, turning to face you and then back at the sunset. “She was the one to bring me here, she said she had a Christmas present for me and told me all she had learned about them as we admired the sunset. She said ‘Remus, all things can be beautiful, even the most dangerous ones’, I knew she meant me, but I never quite felt like I lived up to it.” 
“Well that’s because you’re a stubborn idiot,” you said with a teasing smile. “You’re beautiful Remus, as beautiful as the Sunfolk swimming down there and as the fae lurking in the forest that you mentioned. Like the sunset and moon, like the wind that blows on our face and the whispering chants of the sea,” you turned to him, “you should just accept it and move on.” 
Remus was almost shocked by your words, he didn’t remember you being so poetic, perhaps the near-dеath experience had brought out a new side of you, or perhaps you were just saying your unfiltered thoughts. In the embracing rays of the morning sun, in the homely presence of nothing but the waves and the sky, words were easier to muster, and thoughts became freer than birds. 
He knew he shouldn’t tell you, he was aware what a terrible idea it was, but would there ever be a better moment to confess all the feelings that had pent up inside of him the last few months? With the sunrise, and the soft and warm moment surrounding the two of you, with the words you had just said to him like they were a normal sentence but that had been more like a windfall to him. Like an answer to his longings. Perhaps, this was it. “I’m bisexual…” 
The second he said it, he completely regretted his words. He had gotten too caught up in the moment, too wrapped up in the beauty of it all. What exactly was he planning to say? I’m bisexual and I have a crush on you and your boyfriend? You had just seen a friend diе for fucks sake, this was about the worst fucking time to speak his mind. 
“I know,” you said simply, calmly, as if one of the last secrets he held from you wasn’t such a surprise. Although when Remus said it, it seemed like he had cut himself off; like he had originally wanted to say something else but stopped himself.
“What?!” he asked with a confused frown. Did you know? How did you know? Did that mean you also knew about his impossible crushes? 
“Minho accidentally let it slip when I figured he had a thing for Tom, he assumed you had told me,” you explained. 
“Really?” he asked in disbelief, “Why didn’t you say anything?” 
“I assumed you’d tell me when you were ready,” you said with a shrug. 
“How many more things you know about me that I don’t know you know?” He asked in disbelief, almost diverted altogether. 
“That’s quite a question, Moony,” you said with a teasing smile as you leaned back and allowed yourself to fall into the snow, looking at the stunningly tinted sky. “I also like girls, sometimes.” 
“What?!” he asked, turning to you very surprised.
“Sirius was shocked too,” you said with a small laugh. You liked this, it felt normal. Like you were just a kid enjoying the time with your friends, no war to worry about, no dark family secrets, just you and Remus. 
“He probably thought it was hot,” Remus said as he too allowed himself to fall on the snow. You laughed, remembering Sirius’ words after you told him. “Godric! He didn’t actually say it, did he?” 
“Sirius? Speaking his mind without thinking? Nah,” you replied sarcastically. 
“Ugh, please tell me you hit him for it.” 
“I was a little drunk,” you admitted. “Fell asleep shortly after to be honest.” 
“You fell asleep?!?” 
“It was after I fell into the water and almost got kiIIed by the water spirit,” you said in self-defence.  There was a bit of silence. “I wonder if that was a Naiad or… maybe it was Merfolk? They looked devastatingly hungry, but I don’t see how such beautiful creatures could become so hideous only by the lack of care and neglect.” 
“Not all merfolk are beautiful,” Remus said. “Sunfolk are those that muggle mermaids are based on, but they say there are also some deep in the Black Lake, and I believe the deeper they inhabit, the less human-like they become.” 
“Yeah?” you asked, turning to look at him, snowflakes already adhering to your hair. Remus couldn’t help but admire how beautiful you looked. “Have you seen them?” 
“Of course not,” he replied with half a smile. “But Dad mentioned once that Dumbledore speaks mermish, he’s probably seen them. We can ask him what race they are, although I’d assume they’d be something like Lacfolk or Somfolk.” 
“Or Deepmer,” you said, trying to think back to your Magical Creatures from the Depths course. 
“Did you just make that up?” he asked. 
“What, you mean Lacfolks is a thing but Deepmer isn’t?” 
“It sounds like you just made it up.” 
“I did not!” You weren’t exactly sure if that was the name, you had one class about it when you were 13, but you had been so busy with other final projects and exams that you didn’t have the opportunity to thoroughly pay attention to it (it wasn’t coming on the exam, and the subject was only given because there was a boy called Elliot who was really passionate about them and requested the teacher to dive a little deeper into the subject). “Well, I’m like 80% sure it’s a thing,” you added as you sat up again. 
The sun was starting to come out, a small little fireball emerging from the sea tinting the clouds around it a soft orange tone. Remus sat up as well, lost in between looking at the sky and at the way it reflected on your eyes. He forced his gaze to the sight in front of him instead. 
You leaned a little over the edge again, “You think they’re aware we’re looking at them?” you asked when you saw a merman jump from a rock and gracefully dive into the water, muscles glistening in the sun as he called for another man to follow behind. 
There was a couple kissing on one of the rocks as well. Devouring each other like they hadn’t kissed in months. You kept staring, paying closer attention to all of them. Some had long blue hair, the colour of the sea. Others a lighter green, more akin to sea foam. Their skin was very tan, like most Sunfolk, but their long hair helped them blend into the water, hiding them from their biggest predator– muggles. 
“I think they might be,” Remus said as he saw a merman looking up the cliffs and into your direction. He didn’t speak much, but Remus’ acute sight could kind of see a slight smirk. A coquettish little smile that seemed to beckon him to come down, he was handsome, but there was no way in hell he’d be lured by Merpeople if he had you to look at as well.
“They’re rather hedonistic,” you said when you spotted a blue-haired merwoman kiss one with ashy white curls, wrap her hands around the other’s waist and then pull her to her neck as a green-haired merman kissed her lips. 
“Polyamory is common in merpeople,” Remus murmured. 
You leaned a little closer to the edge and then pulled back, your cheeks burning in embarrassment, “Remus– Remus I don’t think they’re hedonistic merpeople.” He turned to look at you with a frown. “I think it’s mating season.” 
“What? Makes no sense, mating season is almost always in summer…” 
“You go tell them that,” you scoffed. “Can’t believe you brought me to see horny merpeople!” 
“What? I didn’t–”
You started to laugh and then looked up at the sky again, the sun was much higher now, reflecting a warm beam of light through the landscape. You then leaned down and allowed your head to fall on his lap. “Snow is kind of cold,” you said simply. 
He brought his hand to your head and started getting rid of some of the snowflakes that had gotten caught. He placed his fingers around a strand and then allowed them to melt before drying his fingers on his coat and repeating his action again. There was something insanely calming about being with Remus. And while the sights, and stunning view he had brought you were soothing, his hand on your hair were reassuring you far beyond the ability of the mermaids’ chants, and the crashing of waves against the stone. 
You stayed there, sometimes talking, sometimes staying quiet, and simply basking in each other’s company. Waking up early had definitely been worth it. You were beyond thankful you had Remus, you couldn’t think of a better place to be. Laying in your lonely room in Hogwarts while you thought back on everything that had happened on Christmas with nothing other to do than eat your heart out in the quiet of lonesomeness seemed like torment in comparison. 
Back when you were alone in the snow, with Nina held between your arms, you didn’t think you’d be able to feel at peace again, and while you still felt all the sadness, you were thankful that it wasn’t crashing with the serenity that you felt at the moment. With the bliss of simply looking at the stunning sight and hanging out with your best friend. You realised that sadness and joy weren’t mutually exclusive, but rather there was enough space in your heart for you to feel both desolate over all that had happened mere days ago, and delight over the stunning sights, and the alleviating touch of Remus’ fingers. 
“Shouldn’t we go back soon?” you asked, the Merpeople were still in the water enjoying themselves, but the sun had gone up rather high, and while its warmth felt all the more soothing, how high it was and how much warmer it had gotten gave you the feeling that you had been with Remus for a while, “Won’t you parents worry?” 
“Mum probably already knows where I brought you,” he lifted his hand from your hair to check his clock, “breakfast should be ready by now, though.” 
“Breakfast?” you asked as you stood up and turned to him, the snow on your coat gently falling to the floor, “you’re telling me I’ll get to eat more of your mum’s delicious food?”
You had stood up so fast that Remus was slightly taken aback. He rolled his eyes but nodded, and extended his hand for you to help him up. Did he really need the help? Not really. Did he want an excuse to touch you? Most definitely. 
“Merlin, I swear my mouth’s watering and I don’t even know what I’m going to eat.” 
Remus scoffed at that, you had always appreciated your food. Especially some of the things the elves prepared, but he’d never expect you to become his mum’s number one fan in regards to it. 
“Come on Rem, let’s go!” you said as you started running. 
“It’s the other way round, sweetheart,” he said with an amused grin. 
You stopped yourself in your tracks, looking at the side and then back at Remus and then to the side again. It was still dark when you got there, but getting confused about which side you had walked from was embarrassing when there were only two possible options. “You’re fucking with me?” He shook his head, an amused smile still dancing on his lips. You sighed and turned back, walking towards Remus. “Are you sure?” 
“Very,” he said with a laugh and grabbed your arm the same way he had done when he brought you, this time pushing you a bit closer to him. You didn’t mind it all, you enjoyed being close to Remus, you’d always had. “Come on, we wouldn’t want you to miss my mum’s exquisite food.” 
“Don’t make fun of me! It really is exquisite,” you replied, this time with a smile as well. 
You and Remus walked back to his cottage, and Hope really had breakfast ready by the time you were there. 
“You took her to see the merpeople?” She asked. 
“Yeah,” you said with a smile, “And the stunning sunrise too.” 
Hope sighed with a smile, and Lyall used his wand to bring in a small crystal bottle with honey and a vase with some fresh berries. 
“We got these from the fae market in the forest,” she told you. “It’s hard to deal with them at first but I met a really friendly Brownie that collects muggle things and he’s always willing to make exchanges. 
“You’ve eaten fae food?” you asked, horrified. Your mother and grandma had warned you, over a thousand times never to eat fae food.  
Lyall smiled, “Not all fae food is bad. Especially not if you’ve made a deal for it. Their charms disappear if they receive something in exchange.” 
“I– I didn’t know that,” you stuttered, realising how little you actually knew of the fae, even when you were part one. 
“Not many know,” Lyall said reassuringly. “We’ve kept a close relation with most of the leaders of the clans in the forest since it is my job to make sure the wards and protection spells are always active. Hope, being as friendly as she is, made friends along the way.” 
“And it doesn’t scare you, they might try to take her away?” 
“The Fae?” Lyall asked. “Of course not, they’re very respectful of deals, we’re their guardians.” 
Remus gave you a short pat on the back and a sort of comprehensive side look. He too knew what it was like not to know much of who you were, or at least of part of who you were. And while you had learnt a good deal of fae lore, it mostly consisted on how to stay the hell away from them, rather than their customs. Truth be told, you didn’t even know what type of fae your grandma was. Dryad, Selkie, Nymph, Spite, Alven, there were so many of them that had the size and look of a human enough to blend in, like your grandma.
Remus also didn’t know much about werewolves even if he was one, much like you, his knowledge consisted mostly of how to deal with the problem rather than with their origin, who they were or what they did. At this point, you might as well know more about werewolves with all the research you had done than he did himself. 
“You want to try one?” Hope said with a smile, taking the plate and offering it up to you. You stared at the absolutely delicious-looking fruit and extended your hand for a strawberry. You took a deep breath and then placed it in your mouth, biting it and closing your eyes at how delicious it tasted. It might have had no charms, but you could easily become addicted to the flavour. 
“Woah,” you said as you licked your lips, the remnant of juice being as delightful as the fruit itself. Your eyes had tinted bright silver for a mere second before they returned to normal. Lyall had been busy setting up the table but both Remus and Hope noticed. 
Hope was about to say something, but Remus shook his head. It must have been something similar to his eyes going golden when the wolf was near. 
“Let’s eat, shall we?” Hope said as she placed the bowl with berries back on the table and pulled a chair for you to sit. You thanked her as you sat down.
Breakfast went by as swiftly and gleefully as dinner had gone last night. And so had the days after that. You’d spend your time exploring around the cliffs with Remus, taking breaks for reading books, and talking to the boys through the radio. You exchanged a few letters with Lily, Marlene and the rest of the girls who had sent letters to the boys the minute they found out about the Christmas Party fire, and that you were on the list of the people that had been invited. They were worried since they hadn’t heard from you since then. 
Somehow, being in such a beautiful place had actually helped lift up your spirits, and while you didn’t feel exactly like yourself yet, you did feel a lot better. One night you sneaked out as Vixen and ran towards the shore, hiding behind some rocks and staring at the selkies. One of them had long blonde hair and it reminded you so much of Nina’s that you ended up running back up the hills and crying near the castle ruins until Remus found you. 
He wanted to tell you off for walking out at night, for not telling him or anyone, for not even taking his wand along. He wanted to tell you that even if the merpeople and fairies had dealt with his parents, that didn’t exempt you from the dangers of being ignorant of their customs. Instead, he sat beside you and placed a hand on your back, smoothing soft circles like he had done the night he found you in the snow. You wrapped your hands around his neck and clang to him as you allowed the tears to drop from your eyes and wet his jumper. He had run out so fast he hadn’t even taken a coat out. 
“What happened?” he asked you softly. 
“She looked like Nina,” you whispered and sniffed, trying to wipe the tears off your face and compose yourself.
“It’s okay,” he said soothingly and wrapped his arms a little tighter, bringing you to his lap and holding you close. He held you until you stopped crying and the two walked back to the cottage. Neither of you talked about it in the morning, nor did you the day after in which you both went to see the sunrise again. 
“We just got this letter for the two of you,” Lyall said as you walked back inside the house. 
“Yeah?” you asked with a frown, as you extended your hand to take it from Lyall who had handed it out for you.
“From the Potters,” Hope added with a smile. 
You turned to Remus and the two of you opened it. “Oh, they want us to come to their house after New Year,” you said. 
“How surprising,” Hope replied with a knowing smile. 
“They say we can stay over until we go back to school from there…” Remus added as he read.
“That means I won’t see you again till the break?” Hope asked, looking at the two of you, and then focusing on Remus. “What about the moon?” 
“I mean, Vix could go and–” 
“No,” you said. “It’s fine, we don’t have to go. Are you going to spend the moon here?” 
Remus threw you a side glance and then turned to his mum who had a knowing look on her face. “I was just joking. You both should go and have fun with your friends. Remus has been at the Potter’s on a Moon before, I’m sure they have something prepared for that.” She turned to you, “You must miss your boyfriend as well,” Hope added looking at you. 
And you really did miss Sirius. But the idea of going to the Potters, of being with Sirius and James and then going to school, meant reality. It meant facing everything that had happened again, talking to the boys about it. The small little bubble you had created here with Remus. The one where there were pretty things and creatures and nothing more than would burst the minute you left. And you weren’t sure who you’d become outside of it. 
You turned to Remus, “Well if you want to,” you said softly. 
Remus looked at you and smiled, although it wasn’t quite reaching his eyes. “We’ll go, after New Year.” 
It’s not that Remus didn’t want to see James and Sirius. Heck, he missed Sirius intensely, his eyes, his hair, his laugh, his voice, his pranks. But stepping out of his house and into the Potter’s meant you wouldn’t be his anymore –you weren’t now either– but he had lived the blissful deceit of having you, of hugging you and playing with your hair and being the person to comfort you when you were sad and of being the only one to make you laugh and being the only one who got to see your smiles and he didn’t want that to end. He knew how selfish that was. He was aware he was being greedy, but he had enjoyed the dream the two of you had been wrapped up in. And even then, he wanted to see Sirius again. He yearned for him and his mannerisms and the way he would sometimes invade his personal space, and he had to pretend he didn’t enjoy it. No matter how much bliss he felt with you, he wanted to see Sirius again. You both did.
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A/N: And some more fluff! Isn't Remus the sweetest? Sidenote: Are those mermaids trying to tell us something?
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vaguely-concerned · 29 days
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another really interesting thing in our man bashir to me is that I think this is the point where garak finally mostly relinquishes his self-appointed role as bashir's teacher. he seems to have taken it upon himself early on, for inscrutable but probably partially horny, partially cultivating a promising (and lovely) contact reasons of his own, to imbue julian bashir with some spysmarts and basic bastard thinking literacy skills, in the hopes that he won't go get his bright beautiful excitable ass killed at the first opportunity. there's a lot of mentor/protege undertone there in the early years. (if you want to get into asit stuff, very much in the same vein as palandine and garak's relationship in the beginning.)
but in omb garak really only has one of his little lectures, and it's basically about The thing about being a spy (and a person) that has most shaped his life: That's something else you've yet to learn, Doctor. A real intelligence agent has no ego, no conscience, no remorse. Only a sense of professionalism. There is no joy, no magic, no real delight to this, no winning, no recognition, and most importantly no connection; the reward for work well done is only ever the work itself. You don’t kiss the girl, get the key — you simply get on with turning yourself into nothing as best you can. and julian, who had just been trying to momentarily imagine a world where secrets can be cool and glamorous and for good, meaningful reasons that empower him to help the world rather than shameful and isolating and alienating and like a damocles sword hanging over him and everything he cares about, shoots back with 'well, but what if not that, though? that's the whole point of this game! this is my story not yours, trust me to know it better than you do. (I have more things to teach you too, if you’d just listen. And once he gets shot a little bit, garak does listen.)'
(somewhere beneath all this is almost exactly the same debate they will have explicitly later on -- "Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all"/"If that's true, that's one lesson I never want to learn". Something something the freedom to imagine and play around with different worlds in your head, no matter how cringefail james bond LARP nonsense that world is as long as it brings you hope and joy and new perspectives, kill the part of you that cringes etc. Garak you're allowed to get out of the closet in your head now, Tain is gone, you can imagine different things than what has been and no one will turn it against you. Im… sad)
through most of this episode garak is observing, and when he's not simply bitching about everything from the sidelines (<3), he's tentatively trying to throw in comments to play along, to figure out how the flow goes like he's learning a different language, and he's BAD at it hahaha. he barged in there to put himself in a position to learn something about julian bashir's ~*hidden inner psyche*~, but UH-OH spiritual uno reverse card time he's having to face some shit about his own psyche and the immense barrenness it's been forced to operate under for so long.
The learning between them has of course always been two-way (that’s partially what the whole relationship is built on), but in giving up the more ‘formal’ role — mask — of teacher, garak is also opening up space for realer emotional intimacy, letting one layer of artificiality fall and allowing more realness to shine through. even so he doesn’t let go of control completely until he’s faced with irrefutable (horny) proof that julian’s sentiments and ideals are backed by real conviction — julian knows (possibly better than garak does) what is a game, and what is real, and where he draws the line between frivolous and deeply necessary is different from where garak would and by the end of the ep I think garak trusts julian more, enough to leave the story in julian’s hands without trying to steer or form him even indirectly/sneakily. And to top it all off, the way julian uses his last dramatic speech to signal that he did also listen to what garak told him… augh.  
the teacher role, along with the lies (ever his swiss army knife god bless), has helped garak keep a sort of fine-tuned control of the level of emotional intimacy possible between them, stay in control of what narratives are even on the table. and I think finally letting that fade more into the background transforms their relationship in ways that can pay off big time down the line, for all that it leaves things a bit strange and tentative in the meantime. by garak standards he’s being positively transparent in this episode. for the first time he talks about his time in the order without any coy prevarication, he states his hunger for knowing julian better right down to his ~*hidden inner psyche*~ almost pathetically openly (<3<3<3<3). And this is just my headcanon and definitely not what was meant at the time of airing, the unplanned nature of the augment reveal being what it is, but in context of the whole show as it became it feels a lot like garak offering some of his own authenticity to signal that julian could trust him with his. It feels like garak has figured out at least the rough outlines of what julian has uh got going on and tried to make this gambit, having… perhaps underestimated the extent of the defenses julian has internally/psychologically against Being Known, quite aside from the practical real world consequences of his secret getting out. Anyway. Lots in this episode. Many thoughts.
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emilybahu · 2 months
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Ok, seriously…
Buck looks so dejected!
Like I know his feelings aren’t going to be completely rational, because obviously just because Eddie makes a new friend doesn’t mean he’s leaving Buck behind.
But in this picture he looks so sad and betrayed, like someone who was left out of a hang out with their friends then sees everyone having fun without them.
I think I see why the episode is called “Buck, Bothered and Bewildered” now.
He’s bothered that Eddie is finding a new friend in Tommy. Buck’s also bothered by the fact that it’s possibly happening quickly as it did with he and Eddie, because he believes perhaps this is a special part of their friendship. He doesn’t like feeling abandoned (obviously no one does, but we all know Buck has abandonment issues), and it’s bothering him, perhaps because he feels like he’ll sound ridiculous if he shares this with Eddie.
He’s bewildered by his feelings through this, and he’s maybe confused by why his feelings about Eddie and Tommy becoming friends are so intense. Like Buck probably rationally knows that Eddie is allowed to have friends outside him and the 118. However, its hard sometimes to control how you feel. And it seems that Buck is feeling extremely jealous of Tommy and insecure because he feels as if no one really wants him around and that they’ll all eventually leave him (a very unfortunate part of his childhood trauma). In reality though the 118 and Eddie especially will likely never leave him!
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Then there’s these pictures…
Clearly Buck has been isolating himself from Eddie because something happens between them and Buck feels like he’s put a rift between them. They’re usually very open with each other, so when Buck is bottling up his feelings, rather than talking with Eddie about it he starts pushing away.
Nonetheless, Eddie comes to the loft, probably because he could tell that Buck’s been feeling off. He knocks some sense into that hard head of Buck’s, and lets him know that no one could take Buck’s place in his life. They have a really deep and honest conversation about how important they are to one another and how much they value each other’s friendship.
Maybe they even share a beautiful, grounding hug and maybe the end of this conversation we’ll get the “I love you to the core” line that we all desperately want to hear Eddie say to Buck.
Whether or not there’s a realization of romantic feelings we know that this scene likely solidifies how deeply Buck and Eddie care about each other, and how much they love each other (platonically or otherwise).
Sorry this is so long, my brain finally came up with the words I was looking for to describe what I think about what may happen next week!
Thanks for reading this through if you got to the end! 😁🩷
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sporeblossom · 1 year
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logging back onto this website to say that while i dont think (???) it was intentionally done, the scene before their "last day" where frank is working on a portrait of bill, reminded me of keith haring's "unfinished painting"
comparison here before i explain:
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keith haring's painting was purposely made to look incomplete. haring was diagnosed with HIV in late 1988, and died in early 1990, at the age of 31. the painting is a self portrait, hitting us with the gut-punch reality of how the aids-epidemic robbed haring of the right to finish his own story. the overwhelming amount of empty space is a glaring reminder that haring didn't just have a short life, he had an incomplete one. the piece points to all that empty space and says: this should have been filled out. this should all have been my art, my story, and my space. by claiming this empty space, haring claimed the empty space of his unlived life, that was taken from him and so many other people, by a negligent and homophobic society that refused to care about the pandemic ravaging an entire community worldwide.
now back to my original point: like i said, im really not sure if this was intentionally done by the show. but when i was watching this episode and i saw this scene, i immediately thought of this painting. the blue color of the eye trailing off onto the blank part of the canvas is, at least to me, a strong visual parallel.
and i feel like this visual parallel highlights some very important thematic parallels as well, which deserve to be talked about. in the show, the outbreak starts in 2003 which means that bill and frank have both lived through the aids-epidemic. they have seen people like them die. they have experienced the hatred and isolation that came with it. you could speculate and read into things ad nauseaum, but i thinks it's safe to say that in this place and time, this also plays into how careful and hesitant they are, when they first start to show intimacy with each other. in their world, they didn't even get to experience the legalization of gay marriage.
seeing as this show takes place during another, fictional, pandemic, airing at a time where the real world has just faced another actual pandemic, it is impossible to ignore this aspect of their story.
these two characters however, are not destroyed by the outbreak in the show. they find each other, they experience freedom, love, and a full life together. their life is not cut short.
in an absurd twist of fate, when the rest of the world is finally forced to experience what it's like to be abandoned by your government during a devastating epidemic, this is when these two people find happiness. they get to go running, and have fights, and grow strawberries, and have friends over for dinner.
and after spending nearly twenty years together, frank spends his last time working not on a self portrait, but on a portrait of bill, the love of his life. this is the sort of thing that rightfully should have filled the empty space of haring's work. finding love(s) spending your time together, that is a life lived.
and yet frank's painting is unfinished, because of course we are never truly done living. we are never truly done loving. but he got so much more time, so much more story, than the people we lost to the aids epidemic, which the trailing off blue paint reminds us of.
at the same time their house is absolute filled with all the paintings that frank did finish, showing us all the good days he got with bill. and in a way, i feel like that is the show being very aware of what it is: a complete, beautiful story about two men loving each other, in a world that sorely lacks these stories. a world where we had so many unfinished, incomplete lives, that we lack an entire generation of older gay men.
and even though i was completely reduced to tears by the end of this episode, the ending still filled me with some sort of mournful joy. because yes, even though it was incredibly sad to see their last day, these two men got to fill so much of their empty space. they got to experience love, and they got to live their life. like bill says: "im old. im satisfied. and you were purpose."
so many people didn't get that. keith haring didn't get that. a whole generation of queer people didn't get that. that makes this episode so much more moving for me, because it is not just an incredibly beautiful love story, but it is an incredibly beautiful love story that the world should rightfully have seen millions more of. but all those lives were incomplete.
so with the undeniable, but unspoken, presence of the aids epidemic in the narrative of these characters, this visual reference to keith haring and aids, purposeful or not, is incredibly meaningful.
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dhiings · 4 months
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𖦹 NANA Tour w/ Seventeen - EP 1
I'm sorry if there's any translation from Korean that is not entirely correct. I mainly used the sentences/convo/lines from the episode itself hihi. Currently into nana tour, cause i'm missing gose so muccch :""
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Scoups entering the dark room alone to wake up Jane. 5 minutes had passed by since seventeen member knock on her door. She's the last two member to be awakened from sleep. Na PD, including the staffs still patiently waiting for her to come out. After further knocking and missed calls, still, no sign of movement or even sound. Scoups decided to take matter with his own hand by entering her room.
"nooka?", Scoups trying to wake her up in small voice. Noticing it wont work, he softly nudge her body to wake her up. "Hm? cheol oppa?", Jane starting to get in touch with the reality.
"Wake up and get ready. Everyone's waiting for you in front of the room", he answered gently. He then starts combing her messy hair with his hand waiting for an answer. "Just tell em to come inside, sleepy", she said while yawning.
"Just come in guys!", he said with a louder voice. Still standing right beside Jane who's now in sitting position instead of lying down. All members and staffs starts to barged in and immediately in awed seeing her awakened-bared face.
"Jein! Woah, you look very pretty waking up. Woah... seventeen members, as expected, handsome and beautiful humans", Na PD said.
Still in between dream land-and-reality, the only sentence that comes out of her mouth is, "Whose birthday are we going to suprise? Oh- Why so many people?". Hearing that, Seungkwan and Mingyu bursts laughing. "Yah! Someone give her water", Hoshi said. Jeonghan hand her a bottle of water. "Oh-Na pd? 안녕하세요? [hi?]", now that she's quite awake after drinking some water.
"HAHA, hi jane. C'mon, get up, were finally going to do it.. today! Youth Over Flowers!"
Still in confusion, she answered lightly, "huh? what? where?"
"Italy noona, I-TAL-LI-A" Dino added. Her eye wide open, she was gagged and her mouth was wide open.
Then, they continued to go to the next room and wake up the last member, The8. On their way to The8's room. Jane was walking beside Scoups, still in her pajama. She quietly ask him, "What about you? Are you going to go too?". He chuckled and answer, "No, how can i go.. this will need a little bit longer time to heal". Hearing that, Jane starts to look concern and sad, even though, just a second before she looks so excited with this trip. Knowing Jane have a little bit issue with separating with her loved ones, even if it's only several day, Scoups side hug her and keep reminding her, "It's okay. You'll be okay. I'm going to be okay. We're all going to be okay. Go have fun".
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"OK! You only have 3 minutes to prepare. Go go go!" Na PD announce.
"WOAH, Thank god i packed my bags already. I'm a prepare child, no wonder my MBTI is 'J' '", Jane talked with the cameraman. The next moment we know, she comes back in frame looking more fresh now that she already washed her face and teeth. She quickly put on some moisturiser and put on some lip gloss. "Y'know, i feel like i'm cheating the system here by packing a small bag, but who cares, i'm just a girl hihi."
She entered the room with her finished look wrapped in a cardigan and a simple shoes. She was greeted by Na PD saying, "Ah! Bag is not allowed. It's going to get confiscated. Put it here".
Jane trying to protect her belongings by stating, "Just this small pouch! Can i just bring this pouch? this is my necessity items". Girls that get it, get it. She get a pass... BUT, only a small pouch.
Seventeen members are still speechless though (even Jane herself), they can't believe to be fooled that easily by Na PD. "To be honest, it's really hard to fool all 14 of us", Dino said.
"It's really not easy! It's really not easy!", the others comments too.
"Especially, Jane. She could always predict when something's coming!"
A while later, 6.30. Time to head to the bus. On her way to go downstairs, she saw PLEDIS CEO... "OH- 대표님!", she urged to hug him before she go inside the elevator. "Have fun, okay?" he command.
"Sir yes sir!"
Before entering the bus, she went straight to have a goodbye hug with Scoups. "I'm going to miss you, A LOT" She said, hiding her face in his neck crook. He replied, "I'm going to miss you too nooka", while hugging her back.
He starts to let go of their hug, caressing her cheek, "Go, the others waiting for you". She looks at his eye, "Wait for me okay! I'm going to go back and bring you many maany souvenirs"
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At Incheon Airport, while waiting for boarding time to Rome, she stopped by a bookstore. After looking around, she decided to buy one, to accompany her during the long flight.
At the same time when Mingyu's accident (his passport when missing) happened, Jane disappears too. Wonwoo's, being the first one to noticed it, tell the others, even to the staff that haven't board yet, to help look out for her. But, before the staff could go further into panic mode, Jane appeared from the plane's bathroom.
"Sunu-ya, you scared us to death. I thought you haven't boarded and got lost", Wonwoo approached her.
"Wah, what is wrong with today. Don't give me another heart attack please. I'm begging you. And, DK, why? just whyy DK-ya?", Na PD said inside the plane. The others just chuckled.
Throughout the flight, Jane just read her book. Being bored, Wonwoo starts to get curious and kept on peeking on her. "Watchu reading?", he said trying to get her attention. Receiving no reaction from Jane, he playfully grab her hand and starts playing with her fingers.
" 'The Collected Regrets of Clover', it's sooo good", she answered. Just as she's going to flip to the next page, she can't move her hand. She tried to wiggle it out, but there's no use. Her hand is still intact with his hand. "Wonu oppa, i can't flip the next page", she complained.
"I could do it for you!", he said, flipping the page grinning.
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Once they landed in Rome, Jane and the other korean members went straight to the bus after they're done with the migration. Jane decided to stick with Wonwoo and have a seat beside him. While waiting, she decided to contact her mom and Scoups informing that they already landed safely.
She leaned on Wonwoo's shoulder, occasionally peeking his phone to see him playing 'Go-Stop' with the others.
Once The8 and Jun complete their migration process, the bus started to move.
"Oh! You came"
"You're here"
"Great job"
"Come on, come on, come on"
Jane's start chatting with Jun who's seated right behind her. "You okay?". "Yeah, just tired", he answered.
"The line must be long, aigoo, you did a great job juni oppa. Here, take a choco bar i steal from the airplane", she offers
"Ah, thanks uki!"
"You too Hao oppa", giving another choco bar to The8, who's sitting not far from her.
Not being in the conversation with the others, Jane's confused on why everyone's laughing. She just stare at Wonwoo, asking 'what happened' with her eyes. "Ah, the airport is called Lenoardo da Vinci. But, DK suddenly just said, Vernon, he thought it was the other Leondardo DiCaprio", he explained.
"Ahhh", hearing that, Jane needs time to process. Then, realisation hit her. Chuckling and teasing DK. But, she get teased back because she realized too late, the joke was already stale.
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Once they arrive in front of the colosseum, Jane was so amazed by it. It never conquer to her that it will be this massive big. Then, they took their own time to observe and look around.
Jane followed The8 to observe and admire it by their own eyes (not forgetting to take a picture too!).
Before they all went back, they took a photo with Scoups whose in the phone with Hoshi. "Go back to sleep, don't forget to eat the medicine. Bye bye coupsie oppa!", Jane added before Hoshi ended the call.
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Arriving at the Airbnb, she decided to live in the same room with Dino and Jun. Then, she play a game that Na PD insisted, until, he decided to end it because it's hopeless seeing the member keep winning in every round. Before going to bed, they receive a letter that Scoups wrote, which ofc Jane voluntary ask if she can read it.
" Thank you for picking my letter. I feel so sorry for you guys going without any preparation. I will be waiting for you well in Korea. You can use this card however you want, okay? Have fun. I love you.", she read it aloud.
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FUN FACT: the voice behind "Nana tour~" in between scene is actually jane's voice
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slytherinshua · 11 months
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FAVOURITE genre ➳ fluff. warnings ➳ crying. spoilers for weak hero class 1 ep 4. pairing ➳ jihoon x reader. wc ➳ 783. a/n ➳ i was rewatching this scene and it really does always make me cry and then i thought of this fic idea 😭
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Your snack bowl had been discarded and you didn’t even remember the last time you had blinked. Your eyes were glued to the screen of your laptop like some kind of hypnosis was occurring. The small teddy bear that your boyfriend had won at an amusement park for you a month ago was clutched tightly in your arms, serving its role as emotional support quite well.
You were in awe at how thrilling the scenes of the drama were. And, though violent, it was quite beautiful the way the fight scenes were choreographed and executed. You had visited Jihoon on set a lot while he filmed, but you never could tell quite how the end result would turn out. The final released version of Weak Hero Class 1 did not disappoint, though.
You were on episode 4 already even though you had only started earlier this evening. You only took one break to get more snacks and emotional supports (your blanket and the teddy bear). The show was already pulling at your heartstrings— or maybe it was your boyfriend’s phenomenal acting. 
The episode was nearing the end and Sooho, Youngyi, and Sieun were in the hospital after the fight with Gilsoo and his gang. An adoring frown etched on your face at the sweet scene. Sieun was very different in character to Jihoon, but there were similarities you could spot and it made your heart warm.
[ What’s your deal? ]
[ What? ]
[ I mean, you… You’re so warm-hearted. Your eyes, how you behave, how you speak, and your face. It feels awfully strange. ]
Tears welled in your eyes, finally escaping and cascading down your cheek as Sieun smiled. The first time he ever smiled. You sniffed and pressed the back button to replay the scene, too immersed in it to hear the sound of the door opening in the background.
And you were still crying on the couch by the time your boyfriend walked into the living room. The episode had finished and the computer screen was black. Jihoon was confused— you had sounded happy and excited just a couple hours ago when you texted him and said you were going to watch the drama, so why were you sad now?
“What’s up?” He asked, moving your empty snack bowl to make a spot on the couch for him. You tried to wipe your tears and turn to him, but one look at your boyfriend and all you saw was Sieun, triggering even more tears. 
Jihoon panicked. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He pulled you closer, holding you in his arms and scanning your body to make sure you hadn’t hurt yourself physically.
You tried to form a coherent thought to answer his question, muffling a response into his shirt, “He’s just…”
Jihoon furrowed his eyebrows, “He’s just what?”
“He’s just… so… cute.” You sobbed, hugging Jihoon tighter.
“What? Who’s cute?”
You paused, a smile slipping onto your lips as you caught a hint of jealousy in his voice. You waited until he nagged you again about who this guy you thought was cute was before you finally told him.
“You’re crying because of Sieun?” He questioned curiously.
“He smiled, Jihoon.” You told him again, this time with even more emotion.
“I know. I acted out that scene.” Jihoon said helplessly. You weren’t crying anymore and his earlier panic had subsided, but instead he was left confused as to why that particular scene had left you in such a state.
“I wanna hug him.” You frowned, replaying the scene again.
Jihoon stayed silent at your comment, not bothering to bring up the fact that you kinda were hugging Sieun right now, since Jihoon was Sieun. But he just smiled and pulled you a little closer to his chest.
“Baby.” He mumbled softly.
“Hm?”
“Am I your favourite actor?” 
You sat up slightly, pulling away so you could actually look at your boyfriend’s face. “No, I think I like Hyunwook more.” You deadpanned.
Jihoon frowned, “But you were even crying over me. You haven’t cried over Hyunwook.”
“Who says I haven’t?”
Jihoon whined in protest at your teasing and you giggled and snuggled closer to him again.
“Isn’t it a bit too violent for you to be watching, though?” He whispered.
You frowned, “You expect me to not watch something my favourite actor is a lead in?”
“Are you sure I’m not your favourite actor?”
“Favourite singer? Probably. Favourite boyfriend? Definitely.”
“I’m your only boyfriend-”
You shushed him with a laugh, “But favourite actor? There’s some competition. But, hey, at least you won the other two categories!”
“I’m your favourite actor.” He muttered as if to convince himself of the fact and kissed your temple.
“Whatever you say.”
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ misc taglist (let's be real, it's more like park jihoon taglist): @yeonjuns-redhair
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Something I was thinking about was how Mayhem was there for the final battle against Draxum in the episode End Game when he teleports April & Splinter to the stadium
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Splinter: Get us out of here doggy thingy 
However even though Mayhem was there for the final fight against Draxum, when the Hamato Clan begin to face the Shredder in the episode Many Unhappy Returns, Mayhem isn’t there any more
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You can actually see the moment Mayhem might have left the battle in the episode End Game when the Hamato Clan come up with a way to beat Draxum by aiming for a flaw in the Dark Armour 
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Splinter: So that’s why tea always tasted of plastic and evil 
The fact that Mayhem teleports out once the Hamato Clan has a plan to defeat Draxum makes it seem like Mayhem just left once he knew that Draxum was going to be dealt with.
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Head: Agent 64! Keep an eye on him, he’s dangerous
We know that Mayhem was an agent sent by the Council of Head to spy on Draxum so it would make sense that Mayhem would leave once Draxum was defeated but the implications that Mayhem was only sticking around the Hamato Clan to beat Draxum & left right after he was defeated is kind of sad when you consider how close he was to April in season 1.
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I don’t think Mayhem ever appears in Season 2 so we don’t know Mayhem still lives with April after the events of End Game & we never see Mayhem’s reaction to Draxum’s redemption so there’s a chance that Mayhem moved out of April’s apartment once Draxum was exiled from the Hidden City.
In a previous post I made a bit ago I made a theory that one of the reasons that I thought Mayhem was living with April was because he decided to spy on the Turtles since it was obvious from the first episode that they had something to do with Draxum.
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Draxum: You’re beautiful
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Draxum: Capture those specimens!
My theory was that Mayhem probably decided to stay with April to keep an eye on the turtles as they clearly had something to do with Draxum & possibly had the potential to be allies against him but if Mayhem did only stay with April because of his mission to stop Draxum then it would sadly make sense for Mayhem to leave once Draxum had been stopped because it would mean that his mission was over.
Mayhem leaving once his mission was over because he no longer had to keep an eye on Draxum would explain why we don’t really see Mayhem in season 2 but it’s kind of sad to think about Mayhem just deciding to leave April once his mission was over.
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Ron Carney’s twitter posted a schedule board where possible season 2 scrapped episode titles can be seen & one of the episode titles is ‘April Showers Mayhem Flowers’ so it can be assumed that we were originally supposed to have some resolution between Mayhem & April or at least an explanation on what happened to Mayhem after the season 1 final but unfortunately we never got it. 
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Note
🔫
Can I have more Donna headcanons plz. I'm a lonely lesbian who loves fiction female Italians
Lmao I got plenty<3
- y’all probably know I interpret her pretty differently. She’s a lot stronger and independent than the normal but she’s still a super anxious and shy individual. She’s a beautiful paradox I cannot begin to describe.
- She’s high functioning depressed and autistic. On the surface she’s someone who has order and routine- who can handle being at meetings with others and talk to people as equals- but spend enough time with her and you’ll see that she will just lay in bed and not get out. That she thinks herself as smaller than others.
- Angie is a side of herself she’s stored away, the memories and personality Donna had with Claudia. In order to keep that final happiness, all those memories are stored in Angie and has influenced the doll to be the way she is.
- Donna has never experimented with her powers to know their full capabilities. Even the concept that she can cause nightmarish hallucinations to kill someone without raising a blade terrifies her.
- She has an accent that comes through when she’s tired or just not thinking about it. Sometimes it’s so heavy that even she’ll jump at the sound of her own voice.
- Cursed solely in Italian. Angie’s the one that says “fuck” and Donna can live through her.
- Donna cannot take full control of Angie, just heavily influence her- if Angie doesn’t want to do something then Donna can’t force her hand. It rarely happens though.
- On uncommon days she’ll walk through her woods around the manor with Angie. Her anxiety, esteem, and motivation must all line up but every time she doesn’t regret it and comes home with a sense of peace.
- A horrible fidget when she’s not aware of it. During meetings or talks or anything that her brain is running anxiety on- she’s still as stone. But at home, she’ll speak to Angie with her mind unable to focus on one thing. Her hands will play with her hair, tug at her dress, tap against a teacup- head swaying to watch strands of hair swish in and out of her vision- feet shuffling against the floor, picking at scabs or the peeling skin beneath her fingernails- just to name a few. You’d have to be very close to her to see any of it in action for yourself though.
- Existentially stuck in the past. Although she’s aware of the present and what the future may hold- she’s constantly thinking about the past, comparing it, using it to determine what person she is. Getting close to her is a difficult task when the past still haunts her and controls her.
- During episodes of breakdowns where she just does not want to live like this anymore, she’ll pick and pull at the Cadou infesting her eye. Cursing it for keeping her alive.
- Her anger manifests in two ways; a depressive self hatred that causes her to coil in on herself- where she feels guilty for being angry at all and tells herself over and over to just suck it up, it’s not a big deal- or an expressed destruction where she loses majority of control over her powers and dolls run rampant.
- Her sadness is a building cycle. She’ll get upset at something and cry, but absolutely hate herself for it and scold herself for being weak, which then makes her feel worse, and she’ll continue this cycle until she’s exhausted and just can’t cry anymore.
- She’s a mix of self loathing and self love. On one hand she will destroy any mirror she sees her reflection in and go days punishing herself for simply existing, but on the other hand she really does want to love herself. It manifests as a weird ball of complex feelings- she could be proud of an accomplishment but also feel shit that it isn’t the number one best accomplishment ever- and that she’s a fool for being happy about it. Yet she keeps it around, calling upon it as a comfort… even if at the same time it brings her pain.
- Simultaneously wants romance and affection but also absolutely terrified by it. She’ll read the books and let her creativity run wild, surprisingly a hopeless romantic, but if it’s even an inch close to her in reality- she’ll rather run.
- She’s on the autistic spectrum to mistake normal, platonic affection as romantic. Hell even if she doesn’t have feelings for that person- she’ll gaslight herself to “catch feelings.” In the past, she’s fucked up a relationship that way- becoming an aggressively toxic person for the attention, affection- wanting the person only for herself and herself only- and unknowingly manipulating them to fulfill that selfish, unconscious desire. She’s realized her mistake months after, and has become much more reserved and mindful because of it.
- A sponge for knowledge. She’s a big ole nerd, loves anything to do with science, has little mock research she’ll do with her own garden that’ll tickle her. While she herself is more on botany, Angie ends up soaking in more zoology, both of their knowledge combined is beyond impressive.
- She feels music very deeply in her heart. Doesn’t matter if it’s instrumentals or with lyrics, it resonates with her strongly and she has strong attachment to particular songs based on memories, feeling, and hope.
- Sleeps with some sort of noise- white noise, music, the rain- sleeping in complete silence unnerves her.
- Wakes up to Angie screaming in her face every morning. Wouldn’t have it any other way<3
- Angie eats and drinks in small amounts, the Cadou is still a parasite that needs substance, but since it’s a part of Donna’s Cadou- Donna can sometimes feel the effects of what Angie eats. Woman could be taking a stroll and suddenly taste dirt cuz Angie ate shit chasing a squirrel.
- Protective of the remaining eye. The Cadou took away the sight in the eye it infects so Donna has learned to deal with challenged depth perception. She’ll often reach for things too far right or left if she ever got full vision back.
- Silent walker without even meaning to be. She also somehow manages to silently run (if she is on the unique occasion to jog through the woods).
- Doesn’t sweat easily. Her body is already naturally pretty cold so any form of workout will need to be pretty long/intense for her to start sweating.
- She is aware her body (especially at the ends) is pretty cold. She refuses to give anyone hand shakes because she’s secretly Elsa and will freeze yo’ ass.
- Angie jokes that Donna stands in the sun to photosynthesize, rather than to warm herself up like some kinda sunbathing lizard.
- Surprisingly very warm during the winter, Donna’s an ice pack in the summer and a heat pack in the winter.
- No she doesn’t know why either wheeze.
- On the few occasions she’s free from her anxieties- Donna is quite chaotic. She used to be the prankster of the family and still has part of that alive within her- Angie especially has to be the victim of said pranks (but she loves it no matter how loudly she complains)
- Doesn’t like to have pictures of herself taken, but Donna does have a rare few in-the-moment photos she adores.
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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 5 months
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Hi Josi 😊 For the Top 5 BL: Best Hug and / or Most Beloved Sidecouples ✨
Uuhhhh, two in one! Maxine, thank you for this ask ❤
I love a good hug. Seeing those feels like I get a hug (and sometimes it makes me feel really single). There are the hugs that you can feel through your screen, some of them you just want to look away, because this moment belongs only to the couple on screen, they are just so intimate and there are so ones where one wants to crawl into the other one and I am here for this kind of hug. This desperate need for each others closeness.
The start makes the oldest one on this list:
My School President
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Their hugs just felt so good! I loved giffing those moments. They needed the other one physical close, they felt peace in those hugs and it was their way to show how much they cared for each other. I loved every single one of those hugs!
I just realised the next ones are all just some really desperate hugs... and I love them! I have a thing for them...
Kiseki: Dear To Me
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This hug felt so good. Finally they were reunited again. Finally they could hold each other again. And damn this was such a beautiful hug! They hugged with their whole body and soul. Imagine holding the love of your life finally in your arms again after years of spending apart. I love it!
Tokyo In April Is...
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There is no space for anything else between them. Kazuma made sure of that. He neeeded Ren to feel this hug, and for himself to feel this closeness again. Both are in love with each other, even though they couldn't tell each other yet, but for us viewers it was cristal clear. This hug alone made it clear for us. I love this hug so much!
Pit Babe
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Yes Babe, cry because you're so happy to have Charlie back in your arms! Beautiful. I needed this, he needed this and Charlie needed this too! We all needed this! And I love Pavel's facial expressions in this moment.
I Feel You Linger I The Air
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The most desperate hug after the most saddest fuck this year! Such a beautiful scene! They knew they didn't have much time left and just made love. They wanted and needed to feel every inch of each other, and it felt so intimate, I had the urge to look away and let them have this time alone in closeness and happiness and desperation.
And now after these beautiful scenes we go on to my favorite side couples 2023. I love a good side couple I can concentrate on and forget about the main couple 😅
The first couple is one of the most precious ones of this year. We knew them and we knew they had incredibly chemistry and could act really nice, but nevertheless they blew us away:
Heart and LiMing from Moonlight Chicken
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Their story was so wholesome and important. Their journey was so good. LiMing's struggles with his mum and his uncle, the money and the fact that he wanted to see the world were so ordinary and felt so real it was so good. And Heart's problems with his parents and the urge to be more independent and to be seen felt so sad and Gemini was so good. Oh I love these two and their stories!
Next we have a show I didn't like that much, but I was in love with the side couple. They were the only reason why I kept up with this show.
Zeke and Fifth from My Story
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They had an extreme intense chemistry. I loved them on screen and their journey to finally become a couple. I was hyped for their own show and was so let down. I couldn't watch it. It was too much cringe for me, but this is just personal preference. In My Story I adored them and this scene especially.
Next is the couple, that has the most entries in all of my Top 5s this year:
AiDi and ChenYi from Kiseki: Dear To Me
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I love them. They stole the show and my heart. Their dynamic is so adorable after they finally become a thing. In the beginning I was a little put off. I didn't understand their relationship, but within a few episodes this changed I was rooting for them so much! I was so happy when ChenYi finally understood his feelings for AiDi and AiDi finally got what he wanted desperatley for years!
I don't know if the next one counts... The show has three couples and I guess one was the main couple. Well, I cared more about the other ones.
Love Class 2
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Maru and Minwoo had the softest kiss this year in my opinion and Sungmin and Joohyuk had this lap-situation and everything else that came after. I really enjoyed their stories and their characters. The main couple was just not that interesting for me. But because of the side couples (or the other main couples) I enjoyed this series so much!
I close this list with a couple, that is a little bit problematic for me. I don't like the series that much, mostly because of the main couple and the bad writing for them. But the writing for this side couple was so much worse!
Jaab and Jane from Step By Step
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I was so pissed with their ending! What was that? There was no real conclusion and I still don't know if they are happy together now. They had this huge cheating plot (and I like those tropes, but only with a good solution in the end) and before they could work on that Jane was never seen again. This was so sturpid, I was so angry. I wanted them to have their own stupid happily ever after, but no, we have some creepy stalker like behavior and some mystery... no thank you, but besides that I liked them so much and I wanted so much more of them!
Ask me Top 5 BL Anything from 2023
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some midge/susie thoughts (and a few other things!) on the final episode:
that scene in the restaurant was just gorgeous, god damn. susie explaining her past with hedy, so poignant and beautifully acted (DAMN, we are losing one of the great tv performances with alex borstein as susie!) and even though it was just one monologue it painted such a rich picture that it told you all you needed to know.
and midge being like “i know exactly what she saw in you” and then saying she thinks susie will fall in love again and susie asking her “were you ever a blonde”??? like, the underlying vibe of susie being like “i’m in love with you and it’s dumb and i’m dumb and it will never go anywhere and i’m resigned to that, i’ve always been resigned to that, i can’t believe i fell for another impossible rich girl” but midge being like “uh actually maybe it’s not so dumb because i completely adore you and you’re my #1 life partner and the only one who truly understands this fire of ambition that drives me at my core* because you feel that way too” felt so tantalizingly just around the corner. it felt just like how i always imagined romantic feelings between them would bloom if they ever did, so it was surreal and dreamy to feel like i was watching a tiny bit of that unfold onscreen before my eyes.
(* i mean, lenny also understands it, but he was like her handsome man comic fairy godmother more than ever destined to be an everyday presence in her life.)
and midge saying in her standup that she doesn’t think she’s gonna have a permanent life partner-y relationship with a man anymore? and then she doesn’t? HELLOOOOOOO!
that shot of susie putting her hand to her heart and her and midge gazing at each other after midge’s standup ............ gorgeous!! gorgeous!!!!!
them as old ladies calling each other to watch jeopardy on vhs together and press play at the exact same time! midge being all fancy and susie being a bird hippie! midge sending susie a bird! susie naming the bird “whore”! making each other laugh so, so much, calling back to midge wanting to marry someone who makes her laugh!!!!! bro, i can’t believe i just watched midge and susie do grace and frankie romance.
45 YEARS TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
this just felt very “if i want to make this romantic then i can because it’s all there” and i’m so pleased and pleasantly surprised. i think they really (deliberately?) leaned into the subtext in these last episodes to very wonderful and rich effect.
also, this episode was just so, so charming and fun! i was surprised that we didn’t get more flashforwards with all the other characters, but actually i like the idea of just having those moments as sort of snapshots of future life rather than definitively told stories. and all the supporting characters really got moments to shine and it was delightful and warm. (and imogene was there! in her black beret! imogene!)
also, moishe and shirley in the shower, lololololololol!!! that was incredible. i wish that would happen to all my otps who need some epiphany time.
and abe and rose trying to summon the cab was a beautifully choreographed exercise in silliness that really just felt so ASP in the best way.
joel was very, very sweet in this episode. good on you, joel!
i am sad that we didn’t get to see midge & susie’s makeup scene from the 90s!!! but also: how fun to imagine in fanfic. in my fanfic they kiss and no one can stop me.
no other show will ever play this much barbra streisand in the soundtrack and that makes me sad. :’( every single time i heard her wonderful voice bless a montage on this show my heart soared.
i loved this season and I LOVE THIS SHOW! what a great show to have five seasons of to rewatch forever, knowing that midge and susie will be together for the rest of their lives (w/ one tragic five year blip) living complicatedly & soulmates-ily ever after! beautiful work, palladinos! thank you and goodnight!
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babyangelsky · 27 days
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Color Moments in Two Worlds Episode 9
We out here experiencing the highest of highs and the lowest of lows this week. Almost everything was in dire straits this week including the colors. Sometimes the Thai BL gods really do give you everything you want and sometimes they give you everything you don't want but unfortunately saw coming.
My boy Kram may be on the brink of death from sex consumption (@slayerkitty I do love you for that one) but that doesn't mean the colors are gonna stop coloring. The green strap of his oxygen mask matches Tai's green shirt because his yellow + Tai's blue makes the green of love.
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As a matter of fact, Tai spends the majority of this episode in some shade of green in his desperation to maintain his connection to Kram, who was given a very grim prognosis. This one is a more yellow green because Kram is the only thing on his mind.
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My beloved clown son Jao may still be working through his feelings, but the little bit of yellow in his plaid matches the warm yellow wall in Kram's room, so we know he is here for Kram by making Tai eat and take care of himself.
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Kram's mom goes to visit him and through the tears that someone put in my eyes, I noticed the tiny bit of green in the pattern of her blouse matches Kram's mask.
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Tai is a good husband and he refuses to sit idly by while Kram wastes away, so he enlists Phupha to help him find literally any sort of information on Kram's illness so they can maybe cure him. They match because they're on the same side and working toward the same goal.
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They learn that there's a special fruit that grows under very specific conditions in the jungle that can stop the spread of Lumana, so Tai sets off to find it with Jao in tow.
As they're getting ready to leave, Wayu makes sure Jao has everything he needs for this expedition, including an emergency firework. We returned to form last week so Wayu's blue shirt does match the blue in Jao's plaid...
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...but the green in the plaid also matches Tai's green shirt.
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And if I didn't recognize this particular plaid shirt with mounting excitement I would be so annoyed about that but PATIENCE!
As Tai and Jao make camp for the night, Tai looks at a photo of him and Kram on his phone. We get a little flashback to the day it was taken and the show offers us some comfort by giving us Kram dressed in his warm yellow and Tai's cool blue.
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Tai can't sleep and neither can Jao, so Jao finally asks what I'm sure he's been wondering for weeks: why Kram? And as if I needed any more confirmation that Kram is Tai's warmth and his light, my boy says:
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DAMN RIGHT HE IS! HE'S YOUR SUNRISE! I LOVE CLOWNING CORRECTLY!
In addition to being unbearably sweet and validating, hearing this serves as the final nail in the coffin of Jao's feelings for Tai.
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Don't look so sad, mi cielo, glorious things await you.
Tai and Jao find the fruit and as they're making their way back, my clown son falls into a tiger trap and hurts his leg. He sets off the emergency firework he claimed he didn't need and Wayu comes to save him for the second time in as many episodes.
And when he does, this happens.
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We're almost there.
Tai gives Kram the fruit and Kram finally wakes up, although I will be forever haunted by the cold empty grayish white of that hospital room and Tai matching it. It's such a contrast to the vibrant colorful scenes in the jungle.
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This show never lets us forget things so even though Kram has woken up, his paleness is a stark reminder that he isn't cured.
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And the fact that even Phupha matches this horrible goddamn room means we are not in the clear. I hate it here.
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GOOD THING WE'RE IMMEDIATELY THROWN BACK INTO BEAUTIFUL RICH WARMTH WITH THESE TWO.
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Jao asks Wayu if he gave him CPR when he fell into the river because Jao felt like someone had kissed him. Wayu admits that he did and shares that he's been in his feelings about it because Jao was the first person to ever make him cry.
We then learn that not only did Wayu and Jao know each other as tiny children, they've had feelings for each other since then, too. They were separated when Wayu's family had to move and parted on bad terms, and Wayu has been carrying a torch for Jao ever since.
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AND THEY FINALLY FUCKING KISS ABOUT IT! @respectthepetty THEY FINALLY GOT THERE! WE DID IT!
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What follows is another absolutely phenomenal, beautiful intimate love scene, no portion of which I can show you because Tumblr will immediately throw me in horny jail. BUT IT WAS SO WORTH THE WAIT!
Unfortunately we have to go back to the horrible hospital room, but it's made slightly less horrible by the fact that Kram's mom reveals that she knows who he is. She does match the room as she does so, but rather than matching the walls she matches the warmth illuminating the curtain.
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We get devastating scenes of Kram's dad in World 1, wearing his son's warm yellow and setting out a plate for him, waiting.
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Kram has decided to go back to his world and even though he agrees to Tai's proposal that they go back together, we know that's not going to happen. Kram, in that infernal cold white, has already made up his mind to go alone, which is why he doesn't match Tai's green or the green shining through the curtain behind him.
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Earlier, mystical auntie Lhu called to tell Kram what time the water would be turning blue and he lied to Tai and said it would be at midnight when it was actually 11 o'clock. 11 was supposed to be the time Tai was going to come pick him up but by that point, it would already be too late.
Tai catches on and catches up to Kram but it doesn't matter. The preview already told us what happens.
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Ranking The Rookie's season finales
I tried to be fairly objective, but yeah, that didn't really happen. Oh well, here we go!
6) SEASON 2 (The Hunt): When this first aired, it felt like huge stakes and was so stressful, but now, it just doesn't hit as well. I hate Armstrong was a dirty cop. Nolan was just acting dumb in this ep (shocker, I know). 😂 I didn't like Tim's sudden change of heart to make things work long-distance with Rachel, although we all know how that worked out. So yeah, it goes in last place.
5) SEASON 1 (Free Fall): They definitely weren't going as big with the finales yet, although this is a great Chenford episode, and there was a little cliffhanger with whether Tim would be ok. I wasn't as invested with the show yet when this aired. Tim was still my least fave character at the time, and I almost didn't come back for S2. I'm so glad I did, though!
4) SEASON 6 (Escape Plan): I might feel differently over time ranking it here, but for now, this is where it lands. It was...good, I guess. The truck scene was *chef's kiss*. But SO MANY VILLAINS. I couldn't keep up because every two minutes there was a new name or new character. I still don't know how it ties back to the beginning of S6. 🤷‍♀️ And while I never expected Chenford to get back together here, I'm still sad they're broken up in the first place. The elevator scene was sort of hopeful, but I think we deserved a little bit more.
3) SEASON 4 (Day in the Hole): If it wasn't for the insanely boring Nolan desert plot that went on FOREVER, this one would be higher. Because the Dim & Juicy doppelganger plot was the most delightfully unhinged story they've created, and it was so much fun. And our very first Chenford kiss! That kiss saved my summer that year. I had butterflies for weeks, and was just so giddy.
2) SEASON 3 (Threshold): This is how you do a season finale. I love this ep so much. Lots of high stakes. I loved the flirting scene. And even though I've never been crazy about Lucy being UC, she does an incredible job throughout the ep. I love Tim being Man of Honor and trying to save Angela's wedding. And of course, SAVE ME A DANCE. GEEZ, that scene is everything. 🫠 Then Angela being kidnapped at the end as the cliffhanger. I literally threw a pillow at the tv when this ep ended because those last few minutes were just SO MUCH.
1) SEASON 5 (Under Siege): This one has the highest stakes out of any of the finales, and a huge cliffhanger. So many scary moments for the squad, especially not knowing if Aaron would be ok. Tim and Lucy's hug was beautiful, as all of theirs are, and their fight scene was incredible. "I'm happy it's you at my six." ❤️ This finale just feels the most cohesive, and it works really well.
I'd love to know your rankings, too!
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crimswnred · 3 months
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I've just gotten back home from work so I'm a little late to the party, however...
LITG SEASON 8: TEMPTING FATE — VOLUME 2: thoughts, concerns and prayers
first of all yesss more hair booooo paywall, fusebox get it together??? (at least they are pretty but again that's the bare minimum)
anyway, here's my girl with her new hair
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why do all of the girls' nightwear look like I'm on a strip club and they're asking me if I want something to drink
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it's so over for you Theo
honestly she's too good for him anyway
okay kiss challenge!!!! let me snog everyone
I don't want any more of that "peck" crap we want FULL ON SNOGS, TONGUE AND CHAOS
Jin: "Nap, then results?" Hamish would be so proud of him
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okay, so you rate me EIGHT just so I feel like I have to pay to have one extra kiss, your game is a dirty as ever Fusebox
date time!!!! going with Jin ❤️
LMAO Jack is kinda funny
so sad to see a baddie doing too much to keep a man in love island 💔 Luna I'm so sorry you didn't deserve it your only crime was being coupled up with the one guy I want
oh. so about the terrace scene...
first of all, super sweet gem scene. it seemed like a super important one for it to be a gem scene though. so idk I'm a bit lost.
Jin is a walking red flag 😭 this boy is soooo gonna flip on me when the next hot girl shows up!! but let's enjoy the ride
and Luna... girl... was it ever that serious?
the award for worst outfit design goes to 👇
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and the one for BEST outfit design goes to 👇
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like wow wowza mmmhmm yeah! this man is hot hot HOT 🔥🔥🔥
I had to kiss him HE IS SO FINEEEEEEEEEEE
oh, Jack is kinda sweet... if he looked more like Lewie/Alex he would be favourite boy of the season for sureeee
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keep the compliments coming, darling
I had to kiss him too. you know, to be polite.
but it was just a peck, tho
okay, NOW JIN!!!
having a spicy conversation with the guy I want to fuck and his currently girl isn't how I planned to spend my afternoon but here we go
"You're adventurous. You're fun to be around. And you'd make every sight even more beautiful", "Okay. Where's the punch line?", "There isn't one :)" OKAY GAG ME WITH THE WRITING
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FUNNY BOY WHO'S A HISYORY NERD? OH OKAY!!!! BIG T??? NO IT'S BIG J!!!!!! JIMOTHY!!!
lmao Sophie mixing the boys up she's so me
Claudia is a real one let me tell you that
she's nice, she doesn't force herself upon us, she's polite, she give us all the tea, and she even help us to graft on the boys behind their girls' backs. like, THAT'S MY GIRL
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and if Theo doesn't step up she will DEFINITELY be mine
TIME TO PICK MY BOY LET'S GOOOOOOOO
so sad to see Luna go, I really like her :/
lmao???????????
I TAKE BACK EVERY GOOD THING I SAID ABOUT JACK WTFFFF 😭😭😭😭
he was so out of pocket ?? what's your deal man, are you jealous I picked Jin instead of you? we kissed ONCE. be sooooooooo for real rn
okay Sophie you can join your boy in this bullshit he still cheated on you with me when you weren't looking (and he probably would do it again)
no. I won't forgive you?? you were basically calling me a whore back then and now you are SORRY? don't say something you'll regret later that's not cute.
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and he's supposed to be serious?
anyway, stressful night over. time to go to bed with my babygirl Jin
BITS BITS BITS BITS
29 gems to go all the way? what is this?
they could've make the scene a little longer but they have gotten way better ever since the writers dropped the word crescendo
MR TYLER WHO ARE YOU?
still not 100% sure if I'm going with Jin or Oakley but I'm leaning towards Jin, I'm not gonna lie 😁 I did some stuff that will fuck me over on movie night if fusebox finally learnt how to code (which they prolly didn't so I guess I'm safe)
I really enjoyed this episode except for the part when Jack and Sophie went full on villain mode but if the narrative made sense all of the time it wouldn't be LITG, right?
anyway, let's see what this Tyler guy is about... see you all next week 🫶
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