#but I’ve been so lonely and worried about being lonely forever and I want to start trying to date again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunrizef1 · 1 month

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Girl back home

Pairing: Logan Sargeant x wife!reader

Warnings: cursing (I think)

Authors note: this took forever, but now I can actually work on whiv now that I’ve finished this

Summary: Everyone keeps trying to set Logan up, but no one bothers to ask if he's already got a girl (surprise! he does!)

Word Count: 4.2k (jesus)

“What about her? she’s pretty,” Alex asks as he points at the five hundredth model to walk past the Williams garage that day.

If it hadn’t been his home race, Logan might have walked away an hour ago when Alex’s pointing started but instead, he stayed, choosing to endure Alex’s unrelenting matchmaking.

“No, Alex. I’ve already said no to about 50 other girls you’ve pointed out, what makes you think she’d be different,” Logan groans, his head leaning back to rest against the wall behind them.

Alex purses his lips, a frown on his face, “Why won’t you let me get you a girlfriend?”

Logan pauses to stare at the ceiling of the garage for a second before he turns his head to face the man next to him, “I don’t need a girlfriend.”

“Yeah sure man, I’ve seen you stare quietly at a wall by yourself more times than you’d probably admit. If that doesn’t scream “I need a girlfriend” then I don’t know what does,” Alex shrugs before turning back to face away from his friend, his hand coming back up to point at a pretty-faced blonde girl making her way past the garage, even smiling when she locks eyes with Logan, “Ooh what about her? She seems to like you!”

Logan just hums in response, his eyes closing as he leaves Alex to talk to himself.

In reality, Logan truly didn’t need a girlfriend. He had something even better, a wife. Who also happened to be you. You had met when you were kids and had been in love ever since. You liked to joke that it was love at first sight but every time you said it, Logan would wonder how much of a joke it really was.

You had been there for every step in his career, through the wins and the losses, through karting to Formula racing. So when he proposed after the end of the f3 season in 2020, no one close to you was really surprised.

You got married shortly after, neither one of you wanting a big, flashy wedding. Instead, the wedding was small but still nice, just some close friends and family in attendance. Even Oscar had been there and he made sure to reference the event to everyone who wouldn’t understand when around Logan. He loved to talk about the “party” Logan had in 2020 to the other drivers who, frankly, had no idea what he meant.

When he got his move to Formula One, you were over the moon for him. You didn’t worry about long-distance. You had made it work in the past and you both had total confidence in each other to make it work. You continued your degree in engineering and he continued his career in racing. You tried to make it to races when school would let you, which wasn’t often, and he was more than happy to fly you out when he could.

Logan genuinely loved you more than anything. With that being said, this meant that he did not have the time of day for anyone trying to set him up with the Instagram model of the week who had decided to visit a garage.

But at the same time, he also didn’t feel the pressure to share your marriage with anyone. He didn’t really know any of the other drivers very well and if they wanted to know more about him, they could ask. It’s just that no one ever did.

Except, it seems, when they wanted to set him up.

“Hey, Logan!” A British voice calls out to the American, whose head shoots up at the uncommon voice.

“What’s up, mate?” The blonde asks Lando, pocketing the phone where he had just been texting you to ask about your engineering final.

Lando grins and places a hand on the American's shoulder, raising his voice to be heard above the sounds of the paddock, “I was talking to Oscar and he mentioned something about your love life and something about you being lonely, I don’t really remember what he said but anyway, I’m talking to this girl and she has this friend who I think would be perfect for you.”

Logan’s face drops at the brunette's words, a frown replacing his smile, “I’m cool Lando, thanks though.”

Lando furrows his eyebrows, disbelief written on his features, “You sure, mate? She’s sooooo fine.”

Logan just nods his head in response, backing away from the McLaren driver slowly, “Yeah I’m sure Lando, you have fun thinking about your girlfriend’s friend though.”

Lando doesn’t seem to catch the diss as he just glances up and down at Logan before shaking his head and turning on his heel to head back to his garage. Logan sighs before taking his phone back out of his pocket to see another text from you. A grin breaks out on his face as he sees your name.

Logan hadn’t talked to very many of the drivers on the grid, often feeling on the outs of a lot of conversations. So he’s even more surprised to see Charles Leclerc making his way toward him at a club. A club he had only agreed to come to so he coule be Oscar's designated driver, by the way.

“Eyyy, it’s the American!” Charles says, the alcohol clearly present in his voice. The lights are too dimmed but if they were brighter, Logan would be able to see the lipstick smudges around his white collar.

“Hey, Charles,” Logan replies, scepticism laced in his voice. The Monegasque leans closer to him, the drink in his hand sloshing around in the cup.

“I have something to tell you,” Charles slurs a bit, leaning dangerously before a pretty brunette comes up and grabs him, based on her lipstick shade compared to Charles’ shirt, she had already been more than acquaintances with him before this conversation.

Logan glances at the pair before responding dryly, “Oh no.”

Charles grins before pointing back to where he had come from, a dark-haired girl sitting at the table, “That’s Natalie.”

“Navaeh,” the brunette pipes up to correct Charles as he nods in response.

“Yeah, Nivia. Anyway, she’s a friend of mine and she’s been eyeing you all night, thought you’d want her number.”

Logan rolls his eyes at the very clearly drunk couple in front of him, increasing his headache from the pounding EDM, “What an assumption there Charles. I’m actually good though.”

“What?” Charles asks, squinting to see the blonde under the club lights.

“No thanks,” Logan smiles tightly before moving to step around the couple and probably tell Oscar that either they were both leaving or Oscar was getting an Uber, “You guys have a good night though.”

The couple is already too busy sucking face to realize he’s left.

“I just don’t understand why they keep trying to set me up, I’m perfectly happy with you,” Logan complains to you over the phone a few nights later.

You were sat in your dorm, engineering work strewn across your desk and your roommate at a party somewhere. You were trying to get as much work done as possible before Logan came to Austin for the GP so you could spend the weekend with him.

“I mean, have you told them you’re married?” You ask, trying to stifle a yawn as your hand moves to write down the equation for the problem in front of you.

Logan shakes his head, the movement almost imperceptible through the small phone screen, “Nah, but it’s just that no one’s asked you know? I’m just waiting for someone to say “Hey Logan, you got a girl back home?” Before they try and set me up with some Instagram model they know.”

You smile softly as he talks, his hands moving to mess with his blond hair periodically. He eventually looks back to the screen once he’s done ranting and is met with your smiling face filling his phone screen, “What?”

“I love you,” you say warmly, your grin practically splitting your face.

Logan blushes before laughing and shaking his head to hide the redness on his face, “I love you too. I’ll see you next week yeah?”

You look down at the now-completed homework in front of you. Homework that could’ve taken about 2 fewer hours if you weren’t on call.

“Yeah I’m done with this. I’ll turn it into my professor tomorrow and after that I am free. When do you get in?” You ask, shuffling the papers together and sliding them into your bag before moving out of your chair and flopping onto your bunk, sleep clouding your eyes.

“Uhh,” Logan pauses, glancing at his suitcase. In reality, he was supposed to get in twenty two hours and six minutes from when he hung up the call, his flight leaving in three hours and arriving in Austin after a 16 hour flight and a 2 hour layover in DFW followed by an hour long flight to Austin. He would effectively be arriving about a week before any of the other drivers. Besides maybe Daniel. But he couldn’t say any of that. He wanted to surprise you, especially now that you had no work to do. So instead he just hums, “Next week I think.”

“That’s great, babe,” you yawn, a small smile on your lips at the idea of him being back with you again, “I can’t wait to see you.”

“Yeah?” Logan grins.

You hum, your eyes drifting closed slightly, “Yeah.”

Logan notices your less-than-awake state and finally decides to end the call, “Goodnight, I love you.”

You yawn again, your eyes fluttering shut, “Good morning Logan, I love you too.”

The call ends quickly after and Logan glances at the time, grinning when he sees the 8:24 am displayed on his phone screen. You’d both had to deal with the difference in time zones for so long, you probably had all the time zones memorized. Or at least you remembered enough to call out good morning instead of goodnight while he was in Qatar.

His flight touches down twenty-two hours later and the first thing he does is call you.

“Hey what's up?” It's about 10:30 in Austin and the only thing you were doing was picking up barbeque from this place on the edge of campus that your roommate had been raving about.

“Not much, just bored,” Logan replies, his eyes scanning the background of the face time call for where you could possibly be this late.

You glance down at your phone for a second to do the same, eyebrows furrowing, “Where are you? It looks dark.”

Logan glances around slightly before replying, “In a car,” he wasn't lying, he really was in a car. Just one that was ubering to your campus instead of one with his team in Qatar, “Where are you? It's like 10 pm over there.”

“Just picking up some food,” you reply, eyes looking over the moonlit sidewalk that threads through the well-kept grass that surrounds you.

“This late?”

You laugh, “I slept through dinner.”

Logan smiles before sliding forward slightly when the car stops, “Are you just going back to your dorm?”

You look around quickly, “Yeah it's like a quarter mile back though.” You tighten your grip on the bag in your hand, the plastic having started to slip. Maybe your Ugg slides hadn't been the best choice for this walk but you'd manage.

“Oh yeah I know where you are, I remember eating at that place last time I was there,” Logan pulls his suitcase out of the trunk and tips the driver, checking periodically to make sure you hadn't clocked him.

“Yeah yeah, really good stuff and the owner remembered me today, guess I've been there enough times,” You laugh, starting to move back in the direction of your dorm once again.

By the time you had stopped to readjust the bag of food and your shoes, Logan had already started to speedwalk in the direction of your dorm. As he walks he passes enough drunk college kids to fill the football stadium they had all visited so many times.

You're walking pretty slowly, enjoying the moonlight shining brightly on the campus. Your shoes definitely weren't making you any faster to be fair.

“You turn your assignment in?” Logan asks, hoping you don't notice his eyes darting around the campus in search of you.

You nod, reaching a hand up to rub at your sleepy eyes, “Yeah, he even gave me extra credit for turning it in so early.”

Logan nods absentmindedly and you raise an eyebrow as you watch him do it before his eyes lock on something and he abruptly ends the call, “I've got to go, love you!”

You stand staring at your phone with a confused look on your face for a moment, words dying on the tip of your tongue. Weird.

You shake your head before moving to walk again, Logan's weird actions at the forefront of your mind.

Before you can even take a step, someone calls out your name and you turn quickly to see Logan standing there with the biggest grin on his face.

You gasp and wrap him in a bone-crushing hug warmth spreading through you from his arms. You move to spread kisses all across his face and for a few minutes, you both just stand there, not having seen each other in a few months and taking the time to readjust.

“I missed you,” you mumble into his shoulder, unexpected tears starting to spring from your eyes.

He just sets you down before wrapping a hand around the side of your face, “I missed you too.”

You bring a sweater-clad hand up to wipe away a tear before grabbing the food in one hand and grabbing his hand in the other, starting to lead him back to your dorm.

He grabs his suitcase as you start moving, “Is your roommate here?”

“No, you know how she is. She'll be with her new boyfriend for a few weeks so we're fine,” you wave away his question as you walk toward the building a few hundred feet away.

He smiles in response, “Hope you got enough food for two.”

You just laugh joyously.

A week and a half later, you’re stood in the hotel room Logan’s team had provided him, the room much nicer than your cramped dorm room. You had spent the last 12 days exploring Austin with your husband, making up for the time spent away from each other.

You had accidentally slept through Logan’s departure for the morning, waking up to a text explaining that, with your busy class schedule, he wanted you to get as many days of sleeping in as possible but he had gotten you breakfast and it was currently sitting in the kitchen.

You smiled at the text, appreciating Logan’s thoughtfulness. In the kitchen was a coffee from your favourite coffee shop as well as a McGriddle from McDonalds, which, no doubt, hurt Logan to order considering he wasn’t allowed to eat them.

You quickly ate the food, texting Logan to thank him. He texts back surprisingly quickly, considering he was supposed to be in a meeting.

He filled you in on how his morning had gone before asking when you’d get to the paddock for the race. You replied that you’d be there soon, quickly sliding on a light jacket over your tank top and jean shorts, preparing for the Austin heat.

Considering you had never been in the COTA paddock before, you would rather be in any situation other than your current one. There were about three hours until the race and you had no idea where the Williams garage was. You had gotten in just fine but, for some reason, you couldn’t find the blue of the Williams employees anywhere.

Logan wasn’t answering his phone, which you expected considering he had already been reprimanded for being on his phone during a meeting once this morning. Now you were left by yourself, trying to navigate the busy paddock.

You were somehow in a sea of orange, eyebrows furrowed. You turn in a quick circle, eyes setting on a curly-haired man in an orange polo who you take a few quick steps towards, hoping he can help you with directions.

“Excuse me,” you call out to the man who turns around swiftly, eyes pulling across your figure before landing on your face.

“How can I help you, love?” The man replies, a British accent laced through his voice and a sharp grin on his rosy lips.

You glance around slightly, leaning away from the man’s hungry gaze, “Do you know where the Williams garage is?”

He nods his head but keeps his eyes locked on your face, his smirk unfaltering, “Yeah, yeah, it’s just down that way.”

He points to nowhere in particular, moving to lean against the wall you’re standing near, “What’s your name, darling?”

You have to hide the smirk that tries to escape you at the fact that this man clearly has no idea you were married and also clearly thought you’d be an easy girl to flirt with considering his unwavering confidence.

You tell him your name and a grin breaks out on his face, “Pretty name, I’m Lando.”

Ah, so this was Lando. You had only ever seen him with his helmet on and from what you heard from Logan, his current behaviour made perfect sense. Logan hadn’t talked a lot about the Brit but he had mentioned him a few times considering he was Oscars teammate.

You hum, glancing around amusedly around the garage. You and Lando talk for a few more moments before a shorter figure clasps a hand on his shoulder. You lock eyes with the newcomer, grinning when you see a familiar boy standing behind Lando.

"Hey Osc," You smile at the Aussie. Oscar glances sideways at Lando, eyes shifting across his face before they turn to you. You just smile sweetly at the man who reciprocates the grin back at you.

"Hey," Lando glances confusedly between the two of you at Oscar's response. When Lando's confusion goes on a bit too long, Oscar turns and swings an arm around your shoulder, effectively moving the both of you away from the still-confused McLaren driver.

"I assume you're looking for Williams, then?" Oscar asks, running his free hand through his hair which had already begun to stick to his forehead from the Austin heat.

You hum in affirmation, sliding your sunglasses down your nose as the two of you step into the sun to make your way to your husband's garage.

Oscar makes conversation as he pulls you along, talking to you about how his season had gone and also asking a lot of questions about your engineering classes.

“I’d do a video for you, shock all your classmates,” Oscar says when you tell him you had to do a presentation explaining the engineering behind a piece of machinery and you had chosen a Formula 1 car.

You laugh, shaking your head as you do, “Yeah? I'd take you up on that, but I have a driver who'd be much easier to get a video from.”

Oscar snorts, smiling as you reach the Williams garage, “Lando?”

You roll your eyes as the name leaves his lips, hitting the back of his head with the small bag in your hands, “Don't get me started on Lando. You know he tried to set Logan up with one of his friends?”

Oscar furrows his eyebrows, “What?”

“Yeah, Lando said you told him Logan’s love life was lonely or something like that,” You reply, glancing around passively in search of your husband.

Oscar somehow manages to furrow his eyebrows even deeper, mouth opening and closing in disbelief, “That’s not what I said at all.”

“Tell him that.”

You both walk into the garage after that, you move to make conversation with Benny who’s sat to the side, surprise crossing his face as he sees you.

Oscar, though, spots Logan and makes his way to him quickly. He clasps a hand on the blonde's back who turns to face him with a grin, “What’s up Osc?”

“Lando was flirting with your wife,” Oscar states flatly, trying to push down the grin on his face.

Logan blinks a few times in an attempt to understand what the Aussie just said, “What- why?”

“Don’t think he knew she was your wife, mate.”

Logan rolls his eyes before turning around slightly to resume his conversation with his engineer. He stops mid-turn and swings back around to Oscar quickly, eyes wide, “My wife’s here?”

Oscar laughs at the American's face, stepping out of his line of sight so he can see you conversing with Benny.

Logan grins, sliding past the other boy to step toward you as quick as he can, wrapping his arms around you from behind. Oscar can’t hear what you two say to each other but he can see the love painting your faces as Logan plants a kiss on the top of your head. Benny smiles at the two of you, walking away to let you two talk.

As Oscar leaves the Williams garage, he briefly debates telling Lando you were married, especially to Logan, but he eventually decides not to. He’d figure it out eventually. Also might help to have him learn the hard way.

You sat in the garage for the entire race. But when Logan ends the race in eight, you’re jumping up happily to follow the Williams employee guiding you to where he’ll be.

The moment he’s done being weighed, he runs over to you, pulling his helmet off and unzipping his suit to his hips.

He grasps the side of your face, pulling you to him as he kisses you softly. He pulls away slightly and rests his forehead against yours, lifting a hand to grab the one you have against the side of his face, fingers brushing over your wedding ring.

“Thank you for being here. I love you.”

You can’t help the lovely laugh that escapes you, throwing your head back a bit to escape the heat rising on your cheeks, “I love you too, dork. I’m so proud of you.”

He smiles before leaning to catch you in another kiss.

Lando had finished the race in 4th. Not bad considering who had finished in front of him. He’d already talked to his team so he was now just roaming around, looking for someone to talk to.

He locks eyes on you and takes a few steps toward you before someone comes running past him. He looks over to see Logan grasping your face in his hands before pulling you down into a kiss.

He can’t help but stand in shock for a few moments although he can sense a couple people walking up next to him. He glances beside him to see Charles and Alex, both also staring at Logan in disbelief.

“What the hell?” Lando asks, to no one in particular. Luckily, or unfortunately, for him, someone has an answer.

“Are you lot staring at Logan and his wife?” Lando doesn’t look over to catch the amused look on Oscar’s face as he asks the question. But Alex does, and he furrows his eyebrows at the younger man.

“Sorry?” Alex asks the Aussie who just smiles and turns back to the couple, still smiling in each other's embrace.

Charles is the first one to notice anything and he smacks the other two on the head when he does, “They’re both wearing wedding rings.”

Alex blinks for a second, caught in the strange reality that he hadn’t noticed his teammate wearing a wedding ring the whole season. He pulls out his phone to go through old photos and low-and-behold, Logan’s wearing a ring in every single one.

“Jesus Christ,” Lando mumbles, running a hand through his damp curls, “I flirted with her.”

“Yeah,” Oscar nods, hands on his hips, “I probably wouldn’t talk to Logan for a while if I were you. Unless you want to find out how they do it in Florida.”

Lando gulps at the boy's words, of course, having no idea how they “do it” in Florida but only assuming he’d end up with a black eye. Oscar has to stifle a laugh, knowing Logan would most likely just laugh it off if Lando genuinely apologized. Not that Lando would.

Oscar's eyes drift across the trio of confused drivers, most likely all going through their memories of the times they had tried to set Logan up.

“You told me he was lonely,” Lando finally whines out, turning back to Oscar who shakes his head.

“I told you he was lonely because his girlfriend couldn’t make it to any of the races. If you would listen, you would’ve heard that part.”

Lando has no defence to that and turns his head back again to watch as Logan laughs at something you said, fingers intertwined together.

When the news spread across the paddock the next day, Logan received a lot of incredulous texts from drivers and employees alike, all shocked that he was in a relationship, let alone married.

Logan didn’t read any of them, he was too busy hanging out with you.

Except, of course, the message from Oscar that included three specific drivers all with their eyes wide as they stared at him and you.

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Tags: @casperlikej @evie-119

#scheduled #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 imagine #f1 x female reader #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #f1 smau #logan sargeant x fem!reader #logan sargeant x you #logan sargent x reader #logan sargeant x reader

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fleshdyke · 11 months

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ahdhaoegheiegsh

#sui and sh and ed warning for tags #it’s so insane to me how easy it is to fall back in. like it happens so so so quickly. it’s so scary #like. there’s just this very deep rooted fear in me that my friends don’t like me. it’s my biggest fear and i feel like it’s true for real #this time. like i’m so so so confident that they don’t like me anymore. more so than i’ve ever been before #and it’s just making it so fucking easy to fall back into old habits. you know. like i don’t particularly want to be anorexic to get thinner #at this point. i want to be anorexic so people will notice and worry and pay attention to me #like i feel so so so forgettable. and that’s just my worst fear bc that’s what i’ve been my entire life and i finally thought things were #different. like it’s such a stupid thing to get upset about but like when they don’t eat lunch with me or when they didn’t even bother to #look for me during the last assembly of the year and just went to sit on their own #or when we go to walk somewhere as a group and they leave me behind. like please pay attention to me please don’t make me feel like i’m as #forgettable as i am. please #like if i didn’t know better i’d kill myself to get them to notice me again. notice me more than just a smile and a nod in the halls #like sometimes i want to just stop talking and see how long it would take for them to notice. how long it would take for them to worry #like every time i feel like i’ve found someone that actually likes me and wants to be around me. they always end up getting tired of me #and i’m just always in a cycle of waiting for them to realize they hate me and being ripped apart when they do. and every time i feel this #sort of smugness or i told you so ness because they did eventually leave just like i said they would. and it’s an awful good feeling #it hurts so much but god i was right i was always right #and i think i’ve accepted that this is always going to be part of who i am. people are always going to hate me no matter how much i try #no matter what i change to make them stay they’re always going to leave. i just wasn’t built for forever i guess. i long for someone to stay #so so so bad but i think i’m just always going to be broken like this. i’m always going to be lonely and there’s nothing i can do about that #and i want to be hospitalized i want to almost die from something self inflicted because at this point it feels like that’s the only way i’m #ever going to get anyone to care. i don’t want to die but i want to get somewhere close to it #idk. i want to bleed out or collapse from malnutrition or be found after an attempt bc hurting is so much easier when you have a reason to #rambles #vent

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yaksha-lover · 6 months

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Good morning/evening! Anon that asked about the concepts here. 😅 I’ve lately been super caught up on the angst potential of a Yuu who is slowly dying as a result of magic exposure due to not being from Twisted Wonderland. There’s just so many ways this could go, depending on how much Yuu likes being in Twisted Wonderland.

For instance, imagine living your entire life caught up in the wonder of fantasy and mythology only to be whisked off to a strange and wonderful world full of the magic that made up your childhood dreams. Getting to live your fantasies, see so many things that before you could only dream of, meet so many interesting people, and make memories that you would never forget. A fairytale given life. Only to be brought crashing down to earth with the knowledge that you are withering away here so far from home, possibly fated to never to see your loved ones again. The loneliness and fear that would set in with the realization as this turns from a dream come true to a complete nightmare.

A child cursed to die alone and forgotten as a stranger in a strange land.

Anyway, thoughts?

I love this idea, it’s so tragic. The idea of an inevitable ending blooming from something that was once so wonderful.

I almost think it’s more tragic if Yuu never wanted to return, if their life in this world was much better than their last. Finally having friends, people who care about them. Getting to live life and do things instead of wasting away in their room all day. Escaping everything in their past and leaving it all behind.

Of course, things are never that simple. Yuu does not belong here. They were never destined to befriend Ace and Deuce, to stay with Grim forever. There’s no one to blame, no one to curse except the cold, unforgiving hands of the universe.

You try to stay positive at first. Sure, you’re the first case of this happening and no one knows how to treat it, but that doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean you won’t be okay. Right?

When you first get sick, more people come to visit than you imagined. It’s endearing, seeing even those you weren’t close with stop by to express their support.

Riddle comes by, Cater and Trey following. Riddle tells you about classes, trying to keep you caught up on things. Cater tells him to stop worrying about school, but you like the normalcy of it. As though you’ll make it long enough to make keeping up with school worthwhile. Trey brings his baked goods, much more delicious than anything they’ve been serving in the hospital.

Even those who seemed apathetic to your existence would come sometimes. Leona came, it seemed, just to taken naps; you appreciated the silent company. Azul would stop by and drag Idia along for the three of you to play chess together. Kalim would come bursting in; it was nice, almost, to see someone that positive during this time. Jamil would accompany him, of course, immediately going into caretaker mode for you. Vil was busy, but he would stop by when he could, offering to get you an early screening of his newest movie. Rook would come too, describing everything going on at campus in such a beautiful way that it was almost as if you were there to experience it. Ortho would also insist on visiting you, meaning Idia would be forced to come once again, and play video games with you; it was perfect while you were bed-bound. Malleus and Lilia come when they can, bringing trinkets and small gifts. Malleus even offers to hold his club meetings in your room, if it were to help.

It’s harder to hold on to that hope once the symptoms start. It’s hazy, for one. You sleep most hours away, but it’s always a treat to wake up with Adeuce sitting in a chairs nearby, Grim cuddled into the side of the hospital bed.

It’s harder for everyone to visit, after a while. You understand. They have their own lives, things keeping them away. They have futures, unlike you. Still, it’s a bit lonely, to feel that everyone is starting to forget about you before you’re even gone. Even with your friends and Grim spending every hour they aren’t in class here, it’s hard.

It just isn’t fair.

You aren’t from this world, and soon it’s as though no one will remember you were ever here in the first place.

#twst x reader #twst #yaksha-lover replies

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 9 months

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A Place To Call Home: After Shocks

Summary: The reader is feeling guilty after doubting her parents after the stunt her birth parents pulled. But with her parents going away to film a new project soon, the only solution may be for her to go with them for some much needed bonding...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 11,100ish

Warnings: language, angst, fluff

A/N: This one takes place directly after Long, Long Time!

________

“Y/N.” You felt TJ behind you, his strong arms wrapping around your waist, holding you close. “What do you need right now?”

You smiled to yourself, closing your eyes. For every bad thing that’d happened in your life, you were still amazed at how lucky you were to have found someone that loved you wholly. He was still the one person that you’d never once doubted cared for you, never struggled with sharing the dark parts of your past.

There were things you’d only told him even, the details behind vague statements to your parents. Yet he stayed and never complained about what being with a person with scars was like. It’d be so much easier for him to have found a normal girl, so much less for him to worry about.

“I probably would have wound up with a not so nice guy if I’d not gone to my parents when I was a teenager. I would have fallen for the first guy that was nice and sweet just so he could get me in bed or worse. I was so fucking starved for attention and love back then. I was so goddamn lonely.”

He squeezed you tighter, tucking his head down so he could burrow his face in your neck, kissing it softly.

“My dad showed me what to look for in a man. My mom too. They taught me how I was supposed to be treated when I was in a relationship.” You opened your eyes, staring out the back window again. “How did I let those assholes make me afraid of my parents? I hate that I pushed them away, TJ. It’s better now but it’s not. I feel so guilty.”

“It’s only been a few days since things got back to normal. Give it some time. Try therapy with them, bring ‘em to a session.”

“Honey, I know exactly what the therapist would say. I had this same conversation when I was in college. I know it’s because I want people to be angry at me when I make a mistake. It’s what I expect. It’s what my childhood taught me, my time in foster care did.”

“Alright,” he said, kissing the side of my head. “So how’d they say to not feel guilty back then?”

“They suggested I spend time with them so I could understand that my guilt had no basis. That they loved me no matter what and that’s what the whole unconditional thing meant. It’s not bad to get afraid. It’s human and we shouldn’t be ashamed of being afraid.”

“So go spend some time with your parents,” he said.

“I spend too much time with them already,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut as he spun you around in his hold. “Other people our age-”

“I don’t give a fuck about other people our age. Our family lives around the corner and frankly, I hope they always do. I love them. I enjoy their company. Honey, I can promise you that having a close, loving family is a good thing. Allie and Colin? They fucking adore their grandparents. They regularly get to see their aunts and uncle. We have amazing family friends they get to grow up with. Those two kids are never, ever, going to doubt they they are loved and supported. You and I could die tomorrow and I know those two will turn out amazing. I promise you, we will never spend too much time with our family.”

“I worry you think I’m too needy sometimes,” you whispered, meeting his gaze. His face was gentle, short black hair still damp from his shower. “But I’ve never doubted you. I just don’t want to put too much on you. I don’t want to take away time that should be yours.”

“Oh you sweet, silly, adorable, idiot,” he chuckled, tucking your hair behind your ear, letting his finger trail down the side of your throat. “We have forever together. I know how lucky I am to spend as much time as I do with you. My job is flexible and only getting more with time. And you? You’re turning set design into a career now. What couple our age gets to spend so much of our time together? Believe me, I’m greedy to be with you as much as I can be but I am more than happy to share you with our family.”

He cupped your cheek, smiling while he gently stroked over your cheekbone. “Give spending some extra time with them a shot for me. Okay, silly goose?”

“Where did I find you?” you whispered, nuzzling into his chest.

“Orientation. I was the boy awkwardly staring at you for so long you asked if I had heatstroke.” You laughed at the memory of him just blank faced, sweating in the boiling summer heat as you stood with your orientation packet and attempted to find your parents in the crowd. You thought he was from out of state with the way he was dripping and offered him some water while finding him some shade to hide beneath.

By the time he’d gotten his words back, you’d realized he was there on his own. No family to help him move in, find buildings, buy books. It wasn’t a conscious thought back then but you knew that ache of loneliness. Even people who came from homes with parents could feel like they were by themselves.

“Lucky for me you took pity on me and instead of thinking I was a creeper, you showed me which line to get my packet from and pointed out where buildings were on maps and all of it. I was in love with you before I even knew your name.”

“Thomas,” you said, cheeks flushing. “Don’t be cute when I was feeling crappy five minutes ago.”

“Ah, but that’s my favorite thing to do,” he teased, kissing the tip of your nose. “Now off you go.”

“To where?” you laughed, TJ walking you over to the front door.

“To your parents, silly. It’s only nine and we both know they don’t sleep until late. Go hang for a bit, talk to them about being together more. Me and my perky butt will be waiting here for you when you get back.”

“Okay, well that’s just cruel to put that image in my mind and then send me away,” you said as he bent down and slipped a pair of sneakers on your feet. He looked up through his lashes, putting on a sultry smile. “TJ! Stop turning me on!”

“Don’t blame me for you being stunning,” he said, rising to his feet and pecking a kiss to your lips. “Drive over for me.”

“Okay,” you said. “What are you planning on doing in the meantime?”

“Check on the munchkins, play a video game, lay in bed in my birthday suit to greet you when you get back.”

“Just don’t scar the children for life,” you laughed, feeling a gentle pat on your ass. TJ ushered you to go when you nearly dragged him towards the bedroom and finally you were out the door. Two minutes later, you were walking into your parents house, the place pretty dark. JJ was at a graduation party and spending the night there. The twins were up in the family room watching an old movie with the lights off, totally engrossed with it. You figured your parents were on their private balcony and headed for their room.

“Oh fuck!” you shouted when you saw way more of your father than you ever wanted to. You quickly slammed the door and stood outside the room, pacing away as you shook your head. “Nope. Nope. Nope. I didn’t see that. I did not see that.”

The door opened after a moment, your mom slipping out in a pair of joggers and a silky black pajama shirt.

“I am so sorry, honey. I thought dad locked the door,” she said as you kept walking, shaking your head. “Are you okay?”

“Was he giving you a fucking naked lap dance?” you said, a coy smile on her face as she shrugged. “Mom!”

“Oh, you’ve seen his ass before when you watched The Boys,” she said.

“I knew that was going to happen! And I saw a whole lot more than just ass,” you said, shivering your whole body as the twins came down from their movie.

“I remember when I walked in on them,” said your brother, wearing a shit eating grin as you groaned. “Dad’s got a huge-”

“I don’t need a reminder!” you said, your dad clearing his throat as he came out in a pair of sweatpants and gray t-shirt.

“Things going okay out here?” he asked, forcing a smile.

“Talking about your apparently huge dick,” said Arrow. Your mom couldn’t help but laugh as your dad groaned, the twins starting to giggle. “What? It’s the truth.”

“While I normally appreciate how open we are as a family, I mean this in the nicest way, we are never bringing this topic up again,” said your dad with a sigh. “Go finish your movie and for the love of god never talk about this again.”

Your mom was still laughing, earning a small headlock from him. “It’s your fault you didn’t lock the door!”

“Yes, I know,” he groaned, letting her go and standing in front of you with an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for scaring you for life, kiddo.”

“It’s fine,” you sighed, crossing your arms. “In terms of traumatizing events, this ranks pretty low for me. Besides, mom told me when I started having sex with TJ about your sex life.”

His head whipped around and she held up her hands. “Hey. She had questions and I answered them.”

“I wouldn’t have told her how big…you know,” he grumbled.

“I didn’t. I just said above average is nice!”

“As much fun as this conversation is, I’d like to repress this memory if possible so I’m going to let you guys continue with your magic mike moment-”

You heard the twins howl in laughter, your dad storming past you and over towards the stairs.

“You two start high school in the fall and guess what talk we’re having tomorrow?” he said. They both groaned for a moment before you heard noise again, your dad wiping his hand over his face.

“They both know what sex is,” you said, his eyes wide. “I gave them both the talk like years ago.”

“You did?” they both asked.

“Yeah. I gave it to all of them. It’s a lot easier for big sis to tell you than mom and dad, especially when dad makes talking about sex so freaking awkward,” you said, cocking your head.

“Well, thank you,” he said, nodding once. “And if that’s something you want to discuss, then we can.”

“I’m good. I just enjoy torturing you in return for the trauma I endured tonight,” you said with a smile. Your mom giggled as he pushed you both into the bedroom, closing the door behind himself.

“Well the mood is gone so what’s up?” he asked as you sat very specifically not on the bed and wandered over to the large window out back. You spun on your heels, both of them watching with concerned eyes.

“I…have been feeling guilty about doubting you guys that you’d hurt me like the sperm and egg donor did and…I’d like to try that thing we did when I was younger and spending more time with you guys helped…if that’s cool,” you said, biting your bottom lip.

“Honey, of course you can hang out with us more often,” said your mom. She wrapped you up in a hug, letting you melt into her. “Dad and I were talking earlier and hoping we could steal some time with you. We missed you.”

“I missed you guys too,” you said, feeling your dad come up behind you and hug you, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“You don’t have anything to feel guilty about,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“I know I shouldn’t but I know I hurt you both and that’s something I have to deal with.”

“It hurts more knowing how much you hurt yourself for being human, kiddo,” he said.

“I know how scared you were that I’d stop-“

“You didn’t stop loving us,” he said. “You were afraid and sometimes, your kids get scared. It’s that simple.”

You nodded, enjoying being squished between them, a calm feeling settling in your bones.

“There she is,” he murmured as he felt you relax. “Better?”

“Yeah,” you said. Your mom tugged you over to the bed, your eyebrows raising.

“It’s clean, I promise.” She slid into her side of the bed, tugging you down in the middle as your dad moved in on your other side. “So we could watch a movie, play a game-“

“Guys,” you said. “It’s okay. You had other plans-“

“And now our plans are to spend time with you,” said your dad, throwing his arm over your shoulders, tucking you into his side. You glanced up, frowning at the deep worry in his eyes. “Honey, you never have to ask us to be with you like you’re some kind of bother. Please know that.”

“You know me,” you said, your mom scooting closer, taking one of your hands in hers. “Can I maybe, I know how this is going to sound-“

“Y/N. Ask like we’re your mom and dad, not strangers,” said your mom.

“I know that too. I’m a little shaky I guess,” you breathed out, both of them holding your closer. “Can we spend more time together, like one on one? Like make a night or something for us like we did when I was younger? That really helped me back then and TJ thinks it’ll help now too.”

“Knew there was a reason I loved that boy,” said your mom. “Of course we can do that.”

You felt your dad stiffen though, your head turning up. He looked sad, pouting almost.

“You have to go away for a project soon, don’t you,” you said quietly.

“Oh no,” said your mom, her hand leaving yours, both of them covering her mouth. “We both have to for two weeks starting on Tuesday. Daddy’s gone for over a month.”

“JJ was going to be in charge and we were going to come home on the weekends but-“

“You have work. I understand.” Still, tears prickled in the corner of your eyes. Why’d you have to be so stupid and push them away for the past month? Now they were both going to be gone.

“Come with us.” Your dad turned your cheek to face him, wiping away a stray droplet before it could fall. “We need to be together again for a little bit. Come to the project with us for two weeks and then you can decide to stay with me or go home with mom but either way you got at least one of us.”

“That’s a long time to be away from Allie and Colin,” you said, biting your bottom lip. “But I know TJ can handle it. I need to talk to him first. I can’t make that kind of decision on my own.”

“We understand. Trust me. Dad and I have had a lot of those conversations over the years.” You already knew TJ would tell you to go and have fun. But you’d never spent more than a few days away from the kids.

“The little one’s will survive. Give ‘em a call and facetime them everyday and it helps. Believe me, nothing beats a hug from them when you’ve been gone for a few weeks,” said your dad. “They’ve dealt with TJ being gone for a week for work before. They’ll be alright if you choose to go.”

“I know they would. It’s me I don’t know about,” you said, closing your eyes. “Let me talk to TJ and I’ll give you guys an answer in the morning.”

“Whatever you want to do. We can always hang out when we get back too,” he said, kissing your temple. “So can I interest you ladies in a game of Mario Kart?”

Three days later you were walking into an upscale cabin you were sharing with your parents, most of the other cabins at the unique little hotel filled with cast and crew for the movie your parents were making. They were producing it and your dad was starring as the main character. You’d done the set design on it nearly a year prior and while you’d forgotten most of the story, you were excited to see one of your sets in person. Plus you hadn’t seen your dad on a film set in more than a few years and knew seeing him act in person was a rare treat.

After you ditched your bags in the spare bedroom, you changed and met up with your parents for a pre-shoot dinner they were hosting at a restaurant in town with the cast and some of the higher ups. While the dinner was fun, you were tired from traveling all the way to Vancouver all day. You ducked outside to give TJ a quick call but were reluctant to go back inside and have to be social again when you were exhausted.

“Hey,” said a woman around your age if you had to guess, her hair silky and tied back in a loose ponytail, a black floral tank top and jeans on. “You’re Y/N, right?”

“Uh yeah,” you said, offering her a smile. “You’re Cara Micks. You’re playing Maddie. My parents were really glad they managed to get you. Everybody wants you in their stuff after that indie film.”

“One little Oscar nom and suddenly I’m not surviving off ramen in an apartment with four roommates,” she laughed, nodding her head. “I uh, I’m really glad I got this role, even if it’s not what my agent wanted me to pick. Working with your dad is like a dream come true. He has such a good reputation. I know this’ll be a good set.”

“I can guarantee it’ll be one of the best you ever work on,” you said as she wiped off her forehead.

“Plus it’s a good story. You did the set design, right?” she asked. You hummed, her eyes lighting up. “I got to sneak down and see some of the set mock ups earlier today. They look really cool. I’d love to know more about how that kind of stuff works. If that’s okay. People seem to think I know a lot about this business when I’ve really only done a few gigs before.”

“Well, I’ve never been on a set I’ve designed before so I’m right there with you but I’d happily answer any questions. I’ll leave the acting stuff to my dad though. I can barely tell you what a mark is,” you said, Cara smiling as she closed her eyes. “You good to drive?”

“Yeah, just tired. I’ll see you tomorrow though. Maybe we can grab lunch?” she asked.

“Sure,” you said, Cara handing over her phone. You exchanged numbers and watched her drive off as your parents walked out of the restaurant, others trailing out.

“Ready for bed? We got an early day tomorrow,” said your mom. You hummed and closed your eyes, your dad rubbing your back.

“Come on. Sooner we get back soon you can head to sleep.”

“Oh my god! It’s my basement!” you said, hopping up and down when you walked onto set the next morning.

“And what a lovely torture basement it is, kiddo,” laughed your dad. You walked around the set, poking at the shelves, surprised they actually put the cobblestone walls in. He nudged you when you ran your hands over it, a proud smile on his face. “It does look good. Appreciate the fact you know an old shack would have cobblestone and not cinder blocks.”

“That was the point,” you said, walking around the space, stopping at the chair in the center of the basement. “They even found the same chair!”

“They do tend to make the sets match what’s designed,” he chuckled, following you around set, hands clasped behind his back. “You should do this full-time. Design.”

“I don’t know,” you said with a shrug, watching him take a seat on the wooden steps. You sat down in the chair across from him, resting your chin in your hands. “TJ has great benefits so it’s not like a fear of having to be self-employed or not getting gigs. I could not work and we’d be perfectly fine.”

“If you have a sense of obligation to stay at the brewery-”

“I know I don’t have to,” you said. “The team does all the real work.”

“So what’s keeping you from giving it a shot? I mean,” he said, leaning back on his elbows, kicking his legs out in front of him, “You’ve got more than a few projects under your belt. You have the resume, connections. You can set your own schedule. Granted, yeah, it’s not going to be every single day and there’ll be long days sometime but you’ve already handled that with two small kids and working another job.”

“I know,” you said, his head cocking as he smiled.

“So…” You closed your eyes and sighed.

“My brewery job you gave me. And somehow people always know I’m your daughter, even when I use Hanover in projects. I just…if I do this full time people are going to assume I got the job because of my dad and I’ll never know if it’s because I’m good at it or if a director wants to work with you. You know?” He nodded, smirking as he glanced down at the concrete floor. “You know it’s true.”

“Nepotism is a thing in this industry for sure. But I also am a product of that through grandpa and people he knew. Nepotism gets you in the door as a guest and it’s right to acknowledge that. Talent gets you invited to stay at the party long after all the wannabe’s head home.”

“But I didn’t earn it like someone off the street,” you said. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“Cold hard truth? No one knew who the fuck you were when you submitted that first portfolio for your first project. Nobody. I know that because I worked with the director of that project after and he had zero clue you’re my kid. He recommended you to other projects before I came along so you did earn it. You’re right. You’ll never know for sure but you shouldn’t stop because of it. You don’t always have to start in last place to be worthy of earning first.”

“But nepotism is basically cheating your way to first,” you said.

“Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, it’s a kid who is talented who got in on her own and won’t give herself a break to do something she clearly loves because she thinks it was a gift. Even if it was a gift, take it. Life threw enough shit at you. Take the nice crap too.”

You pursed your lips, looking around. “You think I’m good at this?”

“Mom and I didn’t approach you to do this project for shits and giggles. We knew you’d do quality work and sure as shit, you did. There are not a lot of sets on this film. Most scenes take place out in the woods so the pieces we do have, they need to be fucking good. And this room doesn’t even have four walls and it’s scary as hell so yeah, I’d say you’re good at this.” He stood up, holding out his hands. “Come on, let’s go check out the rest of the sets.”

“Has anyone seen Cara today?” asked the director, Dave close to lunchtime. You glanced up from where you sat in your dad’s chair, your mom over at the film tent with the other producers.

“She’s still not here?” asked your dad as he walked off set. They’d been filming for a few hours for his scenes at the police station but those were wrapped up, everyone ready to start in the basement once lunch break was over. “That doesn’t seem like her.”

You pulled out your phone and dialed, getting no answer. You tried a few more times and got more of the same.

“This fucking kid,” grumbled Dave, leaning back in his seat. “Can someone get over to her hotel room and tell her to get her ass on set? I don’t care if she was nominated for a fucking Oscar. She pulls any diva shit and I’ll kick her out.”

“She said she was tired last night,” you said, several heads turning your direction. “When we left dinner. She looked a little ill too, like sweaty.”

“Well if she’s sick she’s supposed to call in. She better be fucking dying for not giving notice,” said Dave. You raised your eyebrow at him, Dave giving it right back. “I’m not being dramatic. It’s in her contract what she’s supposed to do if she’s sick.”

“Maybe so but a little common decency doesn’t hurt. You shouldn’t wish for someone to be ‘fucking dying’ because they’re not at work on time,” you shot back. You could feel the eyes on you, most of the nearby crew watching you.

To your surprise Dave nodded, his face relaxing. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have said that. Let’s have someone get over to her place and see what’s going on.”

People dispersed for lunch, your parents holding hands as they stopped at the chair and your dad grabbed his phone.

“Sorry I did that,” you said as you stood. They shared a smile, your dad tucking you under his shoulders as you walked out of the studio.

“We’re not,” said your mom, tilting her head up to your dad. “Remember when she used to be scared of men?”

“You wouldn’t know it with that little display,” he said, squeezing your shoulder. “And you think you’re riding off my reputation in this business. Think again, tall munchkin. Things like that are why people want to work with you.”

“I could have done it privately,” you said with a shrug.

“Don’t take shit on a set. We both did,” said your mom. “It’s nice to know you won’t.”

“Well, what’s the worst that’ll happen? I get fired? So what,” you said.

“We did good,” said your dad, releasing you to high-five your mom. You rolled your eyes and walked ahead, turning around to walk backwards.

“Excuse me but I did good. Y’all were just like…there,” you said, smirking. Both their faces fell and you sighed, stopping in your tracks. “Oh my god, it was a joke! Guys. You two driving me insane as a teenager was incredibly helpful. You definitely did good. Promise.”

“Well,” said your mom with a smile, “It was a team effort.”

“It was,” you said, your dad biting his bottom lip. You spun around and smiled. “It didn’t hurt having a good guy want to be my dad. He set the bar high so I don’t accept shit. I appreciate that.”

You glanced over your shoulder and caught him smiling off to the side, his cheeks a hot pink.

“Dad are you blushing?” you teased. He snapped his attention to you and rolled his eyes, failing to keep his lips from curling up.

“God no. I don’t blush,” he scoffed.

“Sure you don’t,” you said, smiling as you headed for the catering tent. “I forgot you’re a super tough manly man.”

“Damn straight I am,” he said. You shook your head and got in line, looking up when you felt him by your side. “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

“Dad-” you said quietly as you both stepped forward.

“Your parents hurt us, they hurt you. You didn’t do anything to us. I wouldn’t be strong enough to risk getting hurt by another set of parents let alone believe they love me. I’d be terrified. You’ve always been the strong one in this family, kiddo. You don’t have to say nice things to make me feel better.”

You shook your head, smiling when you looked down. “I don’t say things to you to make you feel better, dad. You or mom. I only say what I believe and genuinely, you made me know what to expect out of men and if they don’t deliver, I’ll let them know about it. I’m not blowing smoke up your ass.”

He smirked, nodding to himself. “You stopped feeling guilty before we even got out here, didn’t you.”

“What can I say? You guys give good pep talks,” you said, feeling your mom hug your waist from behind. “It’s still cool that I came out though right?”

“Don’t ask dumb questions, kiddo,” he chuckled. “Let’s get some lunch and hopefully Cara will be back by then.”

“We have a big problem,” said Dave, stopping by your lunch table about twenty minutes later. Your parents left, leaving the rest of you wondering what was going on. When your lunch break was up, people headed back to their various departments, your dad appearing out of nowhere and giving you a strange look.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“Cara has food poisoning it sounds like. The PA that went over found her vomiting. She’s taking her to the hospital to get some fluids in her. Hopefully she’s feeling better later.”

“Oh. Well that’s good,” you said, that strange look still there. “Dad…”

“Technically the scenes we need to film this afternoon are all my coverage. Since Cara’s stunts don’t start until next week, her stunt double and stand in aren’t here yet. But you may have noticed you and Cara share a certain-”

“You want me to fucking double for Cara Micks? Me?” you asked as he smiled.

“You guys are the same height, size. Your hair’s almost the exact same. Literally all you have to do is put on some clothes, sit in a chair with some make up on and make sounds like you’re scared. It’s not going to be hard at all.” You stared at him, his eyes searching yours. “I promise it’s as easy as-”

You crossed your arms and glanced down, kicking at the pavement. “You’re filming the scenes where Ben finds Maddie. Your coverage.”

“Exactly,” he said, voice dropping slightly. “You don’t have to. We can find another woman to I’m sure. I just thought you’re perfect for it already. But you don’t-”

“Dad. It’s not the being a stand in. I don’t mind that,” you said. He cocked his head when you raised yours, sighing deeply. “I’m nervous that…I know that scene. I remember it from the design. Maddie is tied up in a chair in a basement. And I know it’s a film set and it’s safe but…”

You shrugged, smiling wearily.

“House six,” you whispered, his head nodding. “I’m just-”

“I never should have asked,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Dad, no,” you said, grabbing his arm before he could go. You tugged him away between some trailers, letting go when you ran your hand through your hair.

“Tall munchkin, there is no way I would make you do that. I am so sorry I-”

“Stop. Please.” He snapped his lips shut. After a beat you leaned back against a trailer wall, breathing slowly. “Ben’s a cop. House six, that prick was a cop. I need…I don’t know the script that much, only the early parts, if at all. Tell me Ben’s a good guy.”

“He has his rough spots but by the end of the movie, Ben and Maddie are basically father and daughter. It’s a big step for her considering her own father is the one that had her kidnapped and then tried to kill her.” You pursed your lips, his eyes scanning the clouds overhead. “This is going to sound corny as hell but just listen to me for a minute.”

“Okay,” you said as he met your gaze.

“You’re a grown woman. I recognize that and respect it. You can make your own choices, own mistakes, successes. You have a husband and children and I know when you’re in trouble, I’m not the first person you turn to anymore. That’s okay. It’s normal.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and smirked. “But you’re still my little girl. I will always do my best to protect you or I’ll go down swinging in the process. You don’t have to worry about if the character I’m playing is good or bad. I’m your dad. Behind every character is me. And you know me and what I’d do for you.”

You looked away, nodding a few times.

“You don’t have to do this. At all. But understand that I would not allow anything to happen to you if I didn’t believe it was safe. I’ll let you get some bumps and scrapes along the way cause that’s life. But no more scars. Because I told you that night on the road my job is to protect you, that I’ll never hurt you. You know that deep down but you need to hear it out loud sometimes because you get scared.”

You felt him step closer and forced yourself to face him. “What?”

“I will never let anything like what happened in that house happen to you again. Understand?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he smiled, giving you a hug. “Why don’t you go hang out in my trailer for a bit? It’s going to take a little bit to find someone and start filming again.”

“Well,” you said, his eyebrow raising, “You or mom will be nearby the whole time right?”

“Absolutely,” he said. You shrugged and nodded. “You change your mind?”

“I can do it,” you said. “You sure you can?”

“Me?” he laughed. “What do you mean?”

“You gonna be cool with seeing me with fake blood and stuff?” He cocked his head and smirked.

“Fake blood I can handle,” he said, your mom stopping by the end of the trailer. “She says she good with it.”

“Oh thank you,” she sighed, quickly grabbing your hand and dragging you behind her. “Jensen, you need to change while I get her ready.”

“See you on set, kiddo.”

“Thank you everyone,” called Dave at the end of the day. You stretched out as you stood up from the chair, your dad rubbing your shoulders that had a small ache to them. “That’s a wrap for the day.”

“How you feeling?” asked your dad, massaging the muscles with my force, the ache soothing away.

“That helps,” you said, Dave coming over to you.

“I really do appreciate you filling in for us today, Y/N,” he said.

“It’s no problem. I didn’t have to do much,” you said.

“Well thanks anyways, and for calling me out earlier. I want this to be a fun set.”

“I think I figured that out when dad started carrying me out of the scene upside down,” you laughed, your dad chuckling. “How’s Cara feeling?”

Dave shared a look with your dad, his hands falling away from you. “She still at the hospital?”

“Appendicitis. It fucking popped this afternoon.”

“Shit,” said your dad. “That’s bad.”

“She was being prepped for surgery when it happened, which was good, I guess. They were able to go in fast and clean her up. I was going to drop by in a bit and check up on her.”

“Dee and I’ll go too. Her parents know?”

“On the way but Florida’s pretty far. They won’t be here until around midnight. I’ll see you guys there,” he said when he got pulled away by another producer.

“Can I go?” you asked.

“Sure. Let’s stop by hair and makeup so they can clean you up first.”

The Next Morning

“What do you think they’re going to do?” said the key grip as everyone ate breakfast together. Cara was doing better but she was on strong antibiotics so she didn’t get an infection and her surgery had been more invasive than if her appendix hadn’t burst. All in all, it meant she was on bed rest for a few weeks and looking at a full month before she was going to be cleared for work.

Which wouldn’t have been a big problem if your dad didn’t have a project lined up for six weeks from now.

“There’s no way we can finish on time unless they got in a backfill today,” said Molly, your dad’s PA, slurping down a bowl of oatmeal. “Jensen has two different films he’s supposed to be in once we wrap and they’re big studio ones. No way he’d drop those to finish this late with Cara.”

“Couldn’t they just push until after he does the movies? That’s only a few weeks, really randomly too. He wouldn't be needed every day at those,” you said. The key grip, a very, very tall man named Ivan shook his head.

“Cara’s got a Marvel role she starts prepping for then. By the time both their schedules are free it’s late winter and we can’t film in that, not when the movie takes place in the early fall. So that pushes us back to next summer which a lot of the time means we’re dead in the water.”

“Yup,” said Molly with a sigh. “I liked this job. Your dad’s not a dickhead and I’ve worked with some dickheads before.”

“How hard is it to find another actress though? Couldn’t they call up like the girl that came in second in the auditions?” you asked. They shared a look and you frowned. “I clearly am not in on the gossip.”

“It’s okay. You just got here,” said Molly, slurping up more oatmeal. “Rumor is it took like five months to find someone to play Maddie. No one could pull off the intense moments in the script until they got Cara. It’s an amazing script but damn, the lead actress has to be able to do a fucking lot.”

“What do you mean? How’s that different than any other story?” you asked, Ivan chuckling. “I am so out of the loop.”

“Set designers normally are. We hardly ever see you guys to be fair. But basically Maddie in the story has be vulnerable but funny, a whimpering mess but also frighteningly creepy. Soft but strong. Do a number of fight scenes with grown ass men twice her size. All while running around in the woods most days, freezing her ass off during the many night shoots and being able to not oversell the emotional moments and have it come off as cheesy instead of awesome. It’ll be a miracle to find someone like Cara Micks.”

“Oh. Well that sucks. The movie sounds cool. I really want to see if get made,” you said, your mom ducking into the tent with a smile, waving you over. “I’ll be back guys.”

“Let us know if you find out anything!” said Molly. You gave them a smile and walked out of the tent with your mom, surprised when she was practically jogging away.

“Where are you going?” you laughed, following after, grateful you were in a pair of sneakers and leggings today. She just waved and you followed her into your dad’s trailer, many pairs of eyes on you. Your dad and Dave were there along with the other producers that were on set, the assistant director, the writer and a few other people you didn’t know. “Hi.”

You took the only open seat at the far end of the little couch across from your dad, Dave walking over and squatting down in front of you. “Uh, can someone explain what’s happening?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard we’re a bit fucked without Cara. We can’t film a two lead movie without one of our leads. She’s a hard girl to replace,” said Dave. Your eyes flicked up to your dad, his lips pressed into a thin line. “We would like it if you’d entertain us for a few hours and try to film a few scenes with Jensen. You already did the stand in work yesterday and that was great-”

“I played a barely conscious girl yesterday. I didn’t have to do anything.” You got to your feet and shook your head. “I can’t act let alone replace the girl who almost got an Oscar. I will happily be a stand-in but guys…y’all do realize I’m not related by blood to these guys, right? There is zero chance any acting talent was passed along. I haven’t acted since the fourth grade where I played girl #4. Does that sound like the person you want starring in a freaking movie with him?”

Your dad shrugged. “I think you’re selling yourself short.”

You were wide eyed, mouth dropping. Had he lost his mind?

“You’re very smart. You had a lot of good suggestions during pre-production,” said Dave, taking a seat on the couch.

“Sets. Sets I get. I have a degree in architecture and so does my husband. I know walls and floors and ceilings. This? I have zero fucking clue about acting.” Dave looked at your parents, slowly returning his gaze back to you. “I can’t do it. I’ll ruin your damn movie.”

“Well we can’t film shit without Cara so let us try for two hours. If you’re as shitty as you say you are, then I have no problem telling you that. Let us try to grab a life preserver before we go down with the ship. That’s all we’re asking,” said Dave. You grumbled, putting your back to the room before sighing.

“Fine. But no one get mad at me when I can’t do it, alright?” you said, turning around with a huff.

“Perfect. Get her a script and in hair and make up. Jensen, we’ll give you twenty minutes to rehearse before we’ll try on set.” You were ushered out of the room and twenty later you were back there with a wad of paper in your hand, wearing the same dirty t-shirt, leggings and sneakers you wore in the basement scene yesterday.

“Why the fuck would you volunteer me for this?” you said the second you were in his trailer, your dad snapping his head up from where he sat on the couch with his own papers. “When have I ever expressed an interest in acting? I look like shit. I’m not a bombshell like Cara Micks. I look like damn roadkill. You are insane for thinking I could pull something like this off. Why, why do you think I can do this? What is wrong with you, dad?”

He looked you up and down, a soft smile on his face. “Stop smiling! I’m pissed!”

“You do realize the qualities Maddie has in the movie are all ones you have, don’t you? You can do it because you have done it. And don’t tell me you can’t act,” he scoffed. You threw up your hands, dropping your papers.

“Of course I can’t fucking act! Why on earth would you think I can?” you said. He walked over in front of you, crossing his arms and staring you down. “What is wrong with you? I can’t-”

“You can act with the best of them.” You could only stare with wide eyes, growing angrier at the smug expression on his face.

“Stop saying that!” you shot back. “Why would you make me do this? I’m going to humiliate myself and you and mom and-”

He started to laugh and you’d had enough. You turned to leave, his hands gently catching your shoulders. You swore your eye was twitching when you faced him, that stupid smile still there.

“Oh, kiddo. I watched you put on a class act for months when you first came to us. Before that? Acted your ass off in those shitty foster homes. Acted your ass off when you put in anonymous calls to get the truly awful ones shut down. Pretended it was all okay to those monsters faces when it was eating you up inside. Even with your birth parents you pretended to be perfect for them.” He got in your face, tilting his head ever so slightly. “You can act and it’s like I told you yesterday. You’re safe here. So trust me to keep you safe and you can act when your damn survival doesn’t depend on it for the first time in your life. Trust me, it’s going to be a hell of a lot easier than the last time you acted.”

You frowned, growling as he leaned back. “Has anyone ever told you how irritating it is that you always have a fucking point?”

“I recall being told once or twice by a certain munchkin,” he chuckled, picking up the papers and handing them over. “Oh and Y/N? You are beautiful, even with that bruised makeup on your face. Believe me.”

“Dad. You have to say that.”

“Hm, no I don’t,” he laughed, taking a seat. “You don’t know how many death glares I’ve handed out over the years. Plus your husband never shuts up about how pretty you are.”

“Don’t make me smile. I’m still annoyed with you,” you said, sitting down at his kitchenette table, fixing your pages. “Do I have to have this memorized?”

“Let’s just practice a few times and go from there.”

Two Weeks Later

It was quiet out. Then again it normally was at two in the morning. You sipped on your thermos of hot coffee while the crew took a short break. You passed it to your dad beside you, the two of you sat in front of a fire in the forest. Above you was a clearing in the sky, so many stars out in the deep wilderness.

“You’re happy.” You glanced to your right, the shadows dancing across his face.

“Yeah,” you whispered, looking back up at the sky. “It’s so pretty here.”

“I’m really glad I get to do this with you,” he said quietly.

“Me too.” You took the thermos back from him, taking another sip. You were both quiet, watching the flames in front of you. He wore a long sleeve henley while you were still in your t shirt and leggings. But at least tonight you got to wear his warm flannel between takes. Until he’d give it to you in the scene at least. You set the thermos behind the log where it’d be hidden from view when they turned the cameras back on in a few minutes, catching your dad close his eyes. “Dad. Don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m not sleeping. Just happy.” You hummed, connecting the stars in the sky, trying to find the big dipper. “Kiddo?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s to the left of that branch.” You spotted him with eyes open, darting around as they made connections.

“I used to sit outside when I was a kid and stare at the stars. No one ever bothered me when I did that,” you said, pointing out the little dipper to him. “Always seemed so peaceful up there.”

“Did you find a little peace down here?” You nodded, laughing quietly. “What’s so funny?”

“You wonder where I get it from,” you said, shaking your head. “You want to be told you’re loved as much as I do.”

“I suppose I do,” he said, the heat of his gaze on you.

“Yeah, I found my peace down here. Don’t think I ever told him the night of my seventeenth birthday was the first time I slept through the night in a decade. I got my peace a very long time ago, just was afraid of losing it.”

“Afraid anymore?” he whispered. You shook your head, catching Orion far off on the other side of the clearing.

“No. No one can take my peace away from me ever again.” He shifted closer, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. “This is the longest I’ve ever been away from TJ since we’ve been together.”

He hummed, breathing softly.

“How do you stand being away from mom for weeks at a time?” He crossed his arms, smiling to himself.

“Why do you think I’d fly all night just to see her and you guys for half a day? We know how to make long distance work. Our whole relationship has always had an element of it. But getting a hug when you get home eases that ache that forms.”

“I miss Thomas,” you whispered.

“You’ll see him and the babies tomorrow,” he said, crew memembers starting to gather back around, eyes fluttering open. “He has a surprise for you.”

“Oh god. What’d he do?” He held up his hands and scooted back over to his mark. You put on puppy dog eyes, a sigh leaving him.

“He and the kids made you a cake. He misses you too.” You inhaled deeply. “Do you regret-”

“No. I just need a moment with him is all.” You forced a smile and nodded. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

Three Weeks Later

“You’re so pretty,” whispered TJ as you exited the bathroom in a pair of pajama shorts and one of his t-shirts. You laughed, pushing back your damp hair before crawling into bed with him. “I can’t believe I’m sleeping with a movie star.”

You slapped his chest, TJ giggling, rolling himself so he rested his chin on your chest. You ran your fingers through his dark strands, TJ inhaling slowly.

“If this was something you wanted to try, you know we’ll figure it out, right?” You smiled, nodding once.

“People said I did good.”

“If you mean your parents bragging about how fucking incredible you did then sure, you did good.” You traced your finger over his cheek, concern growing in his eyes. “You’ve moved on from the brewery and we both know it. You can clearly do this acting thing if you wanted.”

“Thomas,” you sighed. He wrapped his arms under you, giving you a squeeze. “The only reason I did it in the first place was to help. I did it to spend time with my parents. I got to hang out with my dad so much and a lot of the stuff we filmed…I couldn’t have done that with someone else.”

“I have no problem with you not taking your career that direction if you don’t want to do it. But I don’t want you to not try because you do want it and you’re scared. I want you to go after everything you want in life,” he said quietly, tilting his head up, kissing your jaw. “That’s all I want from you.”

“I don’t want it,” you said, closing your eyes. “I want to get into set design full time. Being away for so long, even coming home on the weekend in the middle there…I don’t want to be gone from you guys for that long regularly.”

“I understand, believe me. We missed you too,” he said, giving you another squeeze. “But we’d go with you if you wanted.”

“I know you would,” you murmured, slowly peeling open your eyes to find him with a smile on his lips. “Let’s put it in the maybe someday again category, if it were with my parents. Until then, I am ready to take a few weeks off and spend some time home.”

He nuzzled you and chuckled. “Why not make a vow to not leave this bed? That can easily be arranged.”

“You’re cockier than usual, my sweet boy,” you teased, TJ lifting himself up on his hands, leaning down over you. “Feeling needy?”

“I haven’t slept with my wife in three weeks. I’m fucking needy. Now if the movie star was so kind-” You smacked him with a pillow, TJ putting on a shocked face. “Is this how you hollywood types are?”

“You’re such an ass!” you laughed, hitting him again, TJ plopping all of his weight down straight on top of you. “Thomas!”

A throat cleared in the room, TJ spinning around and in front of you quickly, your dad smirking at you both. “Well I didn’t mean to interrupt this strange…whatever flirting thing this is but I do need to talk to Y/N. It’s kind of important.”

“What’s up?” you asked, shoving a pillow in TJ’s lap to hide the tent in his pants.

“Your birth parents got wind that you were doing a movie.” You narrowed your eyes as he sighed. “They gave an interview an hour ago. My team is freaking out. I couldn’t care less what they say but-”

“But it could damage your reputation.”

He was blank faced but you knew it could be turn into a big deal. “I don’t give a shit about mine. But they said you only got set design jobs because I got them for you and I know how much it means to you to make your name on your own. Just don’t look at your phones or go online for a while. I’m going to fix this. I promise.”

“Is there anything we should do? Or I guess shouldn’t?” asked TJ.

“I know you two are careful about handing out your numbers but don’t answer any calls-”

“I know how to fix all of this,” you said. You felt both of their eyes on you as you climbed out of bed and tugged on TJ’s hoodie sitting on the bench at the foot of it. You glanced back at TJ and then to your dad.

“You want me to release that video. The security footage from the back porch with your parents,” he said.

“Yes and no.” You slipped past him and went down the hall to the kitchen, both of them following as you grabbed an empty coffee mug from the cabinet. You set it under the coffee machine and after a moment it was churning, the pair of them looking very confused. “On a scale of one to ten, how much will your team freak out if you don’t say anything for like…twelve hours?”

“Considering this is the most controversial thing that’s ever happened to me, probably like a fifty. Why? You’re thinking of something,” he said.

“Like I said, I know how to fix this. But I need time and a few other things.”

“This isn’t your mess to fix,” he said. “I’ll release the video with a statement or-”

“Or…you can give me what I need and I can guarantee anyone with a brain who thinks you and mom manipulated me will change their minds.” You could tell he didn’t want to have to get you involved. He knew how much they’d hurt you. All he wanted to do was protect you from them ever doing that again.

“Give her a chance, Jensen,” said TJ, getting out another mug for himself. “I know my wife. If she has an idea, let’s give it a shot.”

You stepped forward and stood in front of him, his lips pressed into a thin line. “It’s your choice, dad. We can do whatever you and your team want. I just feel like if I said something first it’d mean more. I really need you trust me with this if you-”

“What do you need?” he asked, a small smile on his lips. You nodded, inhaling deeply and grabbing the pad of paper and a pen from nearby.

“You instagram password to start.” He jotted it down, giving you a look to not do anything stupid with his account. “I also need the login to the cloud account with the video backup at the house.”

“I can send you the video of your parents directly. It’ll be easier than-”

“Dad. Just give me the login.” He wrote down more on the pad, his eyes concerned now. “How far back does it go?”

“Since we had the house. What-”

“Is it just video or audio too?”

“Both…I’m pretty sure the security company compresses the files.” You hummed, grabbing the paper and picking up your mug, heading for your home office.

“Uh, is there anything we can do?” asked TJ. You spun around and took a sip of coffee.

“Keep the coffee coming and dad, tell your team you need to discuss with your family and you’ll have a statement out by the morning. Otherwise, do not disturb me.”

You slipped away into your office, leaning back against it.

“This is gonna be a long night.”

Twelve Hours Later

You yawned as you exited your office, quickly making your way down to the bedroom and plopping down next to a sleeping TJ. You were asleep in an instant and woke up a few hours later at noon to TJ shoving on your shoulder.

You were pretty sure you growled at him but he knew how tired you were after the jet lag and staying up a full day. But you needed to try to get your schedule back on track so you reluctantly let him pull you up to sitting.

“You’re on CNN! Come look!” he said. You shook your head, TJ hoisting you up, carrying you bridal style into the family room where what looked like your entire family sat watch the news.

And there was your face from the video you’d made in the middle of the night smack dab in the middle of the screen. TJ set you down as heads turned, your mom rushing over and hugging you.

“How did you make that so fast? How…you didn’t have to share those things, honey,” she said, holding on tight.

“I just wanted people to know the difference between a bad parent and a good one,” you said, surprised to find your dad missing. “Is dad mad? I know I put a lot of private moments in and things he’d probably wished had stayed a secret.”

You spotted him come out of the hallway where the half-bath was, his face neutral. He was mad. Of course he was mad. You’d been sleep deprived when you put that video together. You fucked it up. You should have just let him handle it so you didn’t make it worse.

“Dad, I’m sorry. I should have…” you trailed off when he held up his finger and stepped in front of you. He looked you up and down and nodded a few times. “I’m sorry.”

“You make a video telling the world how miserable you used to be, about some of the bad things foster parents did and calling them out by name, about how mom and I changed your life, about how I…” he clamped his mouth shut, glancing away with a scrunched up face. You swore his bottom lip wobbled and smiled, watching him put his back to your siblings who were all watching intently.

“Was it the part about you being the only real dad I’ve ever had that got you or how I called you a good man that anyone would be lucky enough to have in their life?”

“Goddammit, Y/N,” he said, wiping off his face, keeping his head turned away. “It’s one thing when we say that shit in private but you had to say it to everyone?”

“Yeah because everyone should know. Those assholes tried to fuck with you. My whole life assholes fucked with me and now they tried to do it to someone I love. I’m not letting that shit go anymore. So fuck my birth parents and fuck my other foster parents. If people find out that you’re a good person in the process then that’s a bonus to me.”

He sighed, forcing himself to turn around, a sad smile on his face. “I just wish you hadn’t felt forced to share those things.”

“I didn’t,” you said, his eyes widening ever so slightly in surprise. “All I wanted to do was send a message to those people that they can’t hurt me anymore. I’m sorry if I royally screwed stuff up for you or violated your privacy. I just wanted them to leave us alone from now on.”

“You didn’t, sweetie,” said your mom, tucking you into her side, your dad nodding, easing a bit. He cleared his throat and ruffled your hair, his smile relaxed now.

“You with me for a second,” he said. You followed him down the hall to your room, frowning when you were alone.

“Dad I really am-” He pressed a finger to your lips shushing you, fixing your hair behind your ears.

“Do you remember after the accident when I couldn’t take showers and there was that time you helped me wash my hair?” You nodded as he fixed your part, smiling to himself. “I realized something that day.”

“What?” you asked quietly. He rested his hands on your shoulders, breathing slowly.

“You’re a good person too,” he said softly. You cocked your head, a sliver of a chuckle slipping past his lips. “I knew before then but in that moment, when you with one arm in a sling offered to help me, I just knew I was damn lucky I wound up with a kid like you.”

“You were hurt and I helped…how does that make me a good person for doing what I should have in the first place?”

“Welcome to life in my head the past three hours while everyone in my life tells me how amazing I am when all I did with you was what I was supposed to.”

“Well…” you groaned, stomping your foot. “How do you always do that! Every single time you turn it around on me. It’s not fair!”

“I’ve been playing the game longer than you have,” he chuckled, picking up a hair tie off your dresser and bunching up your hair. “Something I learned with your youngest sister is if you start braiding their hair, then you have a captive audience so you can get out of them whatever intel you need.”

You raised your eyebrow at him as he started to work the hair together, ignoring your face. “And what intel are you looking to get out of me?”

“Just sharing a parenting tip,” he chuckled. “You? You I think I have a pretty good idea of where we stand.”

“Oh you do, huh?” You glanced down, annoyed at the fact he could do a far better fishtail braid than you ever had. He slipped the tie off his wrist, twisting it in place a few times before humming.

“Yeah. I mean, I’m apparently the best dad that ever existed so…” he said, chuckling when you lightly punched his arm.

“You’re just…” you trailed off with a shrug, a smile on his face. “Are you mad? About me showing all those videos of us from home over the years?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Honestly, I loved it. Made me cry like a baby but I loved it. I know you’re pretty damn selective about who you let in but I’m glad I made the cut.”

“Yeah, well, you’re alright for an old guy.” You smirked, getting one in return. “I love you?”

“Yeah you’re lucky I’m still in a good mood,” he said, cocking his head. “Want to know why you’re on the news?”

“Because you’re oh so famous,” you said dramatically, his eyes narrowing. “You so want to give me a noogie, don’t you.”

“The desire is strong,” he said, clasping his hands behind his back. “In news surprising no one, your birth parents were keeping more secrets. Apparently they stole money from their shady employer. A lot of money. Which then the attempt on their lives were made. They were never in witness protection. They were working a deal with the government. Go undercover and they wouldn’t be arrested for partaking in those shady deals themselves. They took the deal and ran. Feds lost them a long, long time ago. You were only supposed to be in foster care a few weeks. But when those dummies got money hungry…they seem to have forgotten they’re fugitives. Pretty interesting have people like that call me the manipulator huh?”

You parted your lips, holding up a hand. “Did they arrest them?”

“It was in process on the news when you came out,” he said as you stood and headed for the door.

“Oh, I want to see this.”

“Knock knock,” said your dad that evening as you lay in bed, ready for a full night’s sleep. “Need anything before we head out?”

“I’ll take a hug,” you said as you sat up.

“Those I’m an expert on.” He walked over and sat on the edge of the mattress, giving a big squeezing one. “Get some rest. You had a long day.”

“So many phone calls. On the plus side my birth parents were arrested, the DA is looking into most of my old foster parents and you gained like a couple hundred thousand followers in like twelve hours. You can tell your PR team thank you.”

“She’s so modest and humble,” he teased, kissing your temple. “Tomorrow will be better. We’ll do breakfast burritos like a normal Sunday. How’s that sound?”

You hummed, closing your eyes. “Can you do one more thing before you go?”

“Shoot,” he said quietly.

“Can you go in my closet and get rid of the duffel bag with the files in it?” He leaned back, letting you lay back against your pillows. “I think it’s time for it to go. I don’t need it anymore.”

He smiled and stood up. “Okay then. Mind if I hang onto it?”

“Do as you please,” you said, closing your eyes.

“You sure you don’t need these papers anymore?” he asked.

“I have my letters from you. That’s all I ever needed,” you said, shuffling the background. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, tall munchkin,” he said, tugging your blankets up. “You realize the studio wants us to make another movie together after this, don’t you?”

“It’s gotta be at a resort or no deal,” you said. He chuckled, quietly opening the door. “You can negotiate that right?”

“We’ll see,” he said. The room grew quiet for a beat before you heard his heavy exhale. “I’m really glad I managed to prove you wrong about trusting me. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to.”

“You’re annoyingly relentless like that,” you said, turning on your side, tucking your covers up. “Love you.”

“Love you back. Sleep tight, kiddo.”

__________

#jensen x daughter!reader #jensen ackles #daughter!reader #jensen ackles x daughter!reader #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic

255 notes · View notes

fancy-allude · 3 months

Text

Feelings and Comfort

Kiyoomi x Reader

Kiyoomi is barely home anymore, due to all of his team practices and commercial shoots he hadn’t had enough time to stop by and hang out you making you feel a little lonely. At night before bed you always stare at the clock ticking away hoping for him to open the door and give you hug. You told him you were fine but even your texts are often left on read.

On days like these where you feel you have drifted apart, you both take time to sit around the kitchen with some alcohol. But now it’s just you and an empty chair facing each other. Your insecurities start to flood your mind and you didn’t know what to do so you just drank your worries away until you felt drowsy enough and lay your head on the table top.

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1:08 am

-----

There’s a shuffling at the doorway as Kiyoomi removes his shoes. He opens his phone and sighs as he reads your latest message feeing the guilt creep in for not being able to keep touch. He was about to go straight to your bedroom when he noticed the kitchen lights that were open. Planning only to close the lights, he walks closer and sees your lonely figure at the tabletop. With a sad smile on his face he does his best to lift you off the chair as gently as he can, not wanting to disturb your sleep.

In your drunken stupor you are alarmed by the feeling of floating in the air, immediately holding on to the closest thing to you as you try to clear your mind.

“Shhhhhh, it’s okay it’s just me.” Kiyoomi whispers as he nuzzles into your hair.

After hearing his voice you wail in his arms as he settles you on the sheets. Kiyoomi, not expecting you to cry was quite baffled and confused.

“Do you even know how worried I was?” You cry holding onto his shirt.

“I’m sorry.”

“Is that all you have to say?” You answer while looking at him with a mad look on your face.

He removes the hair from your face and slowly wipes away your tears. Without saying anything he simply kisses you on the forehead and hugs you as tightly as he can.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been out of reach this entire time. I thought it would be fine since you said you were but it seems I was mistaken. I’ll make sure to call you first and message you my schedule next time so you wouldn’t get worried.

“Promise?” you ask with stars in your eyes.

“I promise. So will you forgive me this time?”

You simply smile at him and pull him into your arms, snuggling him as much as you can.

“I missed you ‘Omi.”

“I missed you too my darling.” He wraps his arms around you and lets sleep take over, the sheets can be cleaned tomorrow but this moment won’t be forever.

#comfort #sakusa x reader #haikyuu sakusa

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 6 months

Note

Can you tell us what the answers to the six of crows color experiment is?

Yep! ☺️

I realised too late that I really should’ve organised it as a poll somehow, because I’ve had loads of responses (thank you all very much) and whilst a lot of them agreed with me there were a few I wasn’t expecting. My associations in the order than I wrote them in the original post:

Red - Nina

Green - Jesper

Black - Kaz

Blue - Matthias

Purple - Inej

Orange - Wylan

So generally speaking a lot of people either agreed with exactly what I’d said or swapped Wylan and Jesper, which makes a lot of sense. A few people also moved Jesper and Inej around, which I understand and I wanted to add on that point I always connect Inej to purple with the idea of her reclaiming the colour and its power in the same way that she referred to her knives as her “proper claws” to reclaim the image of the lynx. Purple is the colour that was used against her and the colour that represents Ketterdam (Stadwatch uniforms, colour of Kruge notes, and the Geldrenner Ketterdam suite being the main examples); with a part of what separates Inej’s journey and her ship from Kaz’s style of vengeance is the acknowledgement that the city itself is the monster she’s facing, she’s been forced to come to terms with the idea that what happened to her wasn't the result of one terrible person or group of terrible people, but a dangerous environment and society that was never going to see her as an equal go matter what she did in life (this realisation is particularly linked to the “Rare Spices” billboard, which I wrote a post on a while back so if anyone wants to read that let me know and I’ll tag you) so by reclaiming the colour she is not only reclaiming the power Heleen took from her but the city as a whole. I hope I worded that all okay I worry that my point doesn’t come across properly it feels unclear please let me know and I’ll try to explain it differently. However I also understand the perspective a few people raised in their responses of wanting to separate her from that colour because she should always be seen as more than who she was forced to be, it’s just my personal interpretation that part of her pathway to healing is reclaiming the symbols used against her as a symbol of power to use against the system and people that put her in her position.

With Jesper and Wylan, I can definitely see it going both ways and I guess it also depends on what shades of the colours you’re imagining for each of them. For me, Wylan is orange because it can be a quiet, beautiful sunrise but it can also be fire and rage, it can be dark and deeply lonely but it can also be bright and blazing, it can be the first light of home in the dark but it can also be the flames of righteousness. “You were angry. I needed you righteous” “well, you’ve got me”. I realise all/most colours have a natural dual nature but I think orange does particularly and I think that it compliments him wonderfully. I connect Jesper to green for brightness, fun, the “lime green” clothes and vibrant plaid, but also for the farm and the card tables and the painful difference between them - the way his life split in two like a log cut down the middle (I don’t have my book with me so not quoting, but he says something along those lines in Crooked Kingdom when talking about how he ended up moving from the university to the Barrel).

I think the one’s who were always connected the same way were Nina to red and Kaz to black, and I wanted to add a couple of reasons I didn’t see anyone mention yet and that would be Nina being the “little red bird” and Kaz wearing black, mercher suits to mock them and to look, by Ketterdam’s colour-represented social hierarchy that I could talk about forever, like he fits in with them in the upper echelon of society.

And most people also maintained Matthias with blue, connections to water, ice, storms, but I think also it’s worth emphasising his blue eyes that Nina finds so beautiful

I will go through later and tag everyone who has responded so far in this post so everyone can see the results if they want to, thanks to everyone who responded ❤️

#grishaverse #six of crows #crooked kingdom #leigh bardugo #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #kanej #Wesper #helnik #save shadow and bone #save six of crows

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deathbecomesthem · 1 month

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Boiler Room | +18 ONLY - MDNI

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader Blurb - This is a My So-Called Life AU

My So-Called Hawkins Masterlist

My entire life has become divided into kissing…. and not kissing. Every moment of my day I’m striving to get back to a place where I can have my lips on his. Why does anyone do anything other than kissing?

I’ve been meeting Eddie in the boiler room during study hall. I don’t actually know which class it is that he's skipping during that time, and I don’t think I want to know. If it’s Spanish or Algebra, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. He’s got a solid C in both of those classes. If it’s Physics, though… I can’t be responsible for contributing to his 59% average. It’s infuriating, he’s so close to passing. If he could just make it to the labs, he’d have no problem. He’s so smart, I really don’t understand how he’s failing any of his classes.

Whatever, that’s so far out of my scope of responsibility. I’m this girl he’s decided to make out with when no one’s looking. Any fantasy I’ve had about us holding hands in the hallways or going to Homecoming together died 3 days ago when he made me hide in the boiler room when Gareth came down to find him. Eddie put his finger to his lips and kept his eyes on me when Gareth asked who he was hiding down there. He said, “no one,” and kept looking at me. I think he wanted to see what my reaction would be, so I didn't give him one. I just kept looking at him, and I kissed the tip of his finger. I swear, I could see smoke coming out of his ears.

So, I’m no one. And I think that’s ok or whatever. I don’t know. I’m not happy to be that person, but it doesn’t even matter as soon as I’m with him. Kissing him erases everything else. His hands on my back feel like fire. And the way he looks at me? He kisses me, he touches my cheek with the back of his knuckles and really looks at me. God. I think I’d let him do anything to me at this point, and I’m not even scared of it.

I told Robin about it all. I think she’s mad or something. I can’t really tell, but I know she’s not happy. She told me how stupid it makes me look to let a guy like Eddie use me. She doesn’t get it. I feel like I’m using him. We actually got into a fight about it. I haven’t talked to her since Monday. I’m not mad anymore, just frustrated. She doesn’t get it. I know she worries about me, she’s my best friend. I want her to be honest with me when she thinks I’m fucking up. I kind of wonder if she’s jealous? She hasn’t talked about being interested in anyone for a long time, but maybe she’s lonely? She deserves to be happy, like I am.

Well. What does happy really mean, anyway? All I know is that, when I’m kissing him, I feel things I didn’t know could be real. I won’t think about what Robin said, because even if she’s right, it doesn’t change this right now. Even if he gets bored and he ends up making out with Kelly Johnson next month, right now he sets my skin on fire. That seems important. Maybe if I kiss him the right way, it can last forever.

#eddie munson fanfic #mscl au #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson x fem!reader

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lambertdiary · 7 months

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In The Woods - Halloween Special

Summary: A camping trip adventure turned into a nightmarish ordeal, forever etching the woods into their memories as a place where darkness concealed the unknown.

Word Count: 3.3k+

Warnings: angst, stablished relationship, anxiety, mentions of The Further

A/N: I KNOW it's a couple of days late and it's not Halloween anymore, but I still wanted to share this piece with you guys! I liked it when I initially started writing it but I'm not sure how I feel about the result, so please let me know what you think!!

MASTERLIST ✩ SEND ME A REQUEST

Dalton had never gone camping before, but it was his girlfriend’s favourite activity and he couldn't bear to disappoint Y/N, so he reluctantly agreed to the trip she so eagerly invited him to.

He wasn’t scared or worried something bad would happen, but anytime he thought about the suffocating darkness surrounding them in the woods, there was a tiny part of him that felt anxious about going.

Not that he would ever tell anyone, he wouldn’t want the people he’s camping with to know his deal with the darkness and demons of The Further, especially not Y/N, and considering she had no idea about his ‘gift’ and what he went through before meeting her, he just kept it to himself.

He closed the door anyway, so he shouldn’t be worried about something following them and possibly taking advantage of the vast darkness of whatever lonely forest they’d spend the night in, right?

“I think that’s all of them” Dalton put the last bag on the trunk of his car, turning to face his girlfriend as he closed it.

“Thank you for coming with me” She smiled at him as she came closer, her arms going around his neck “I know it’s Halloween but-”

“Hey, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Who cares about Hallween anyway?” Her smile grew bigger, and he placed a quick peck on her lips before getting into the car.

It wasn’t a long drive, maybe about 40 minutes to make it to the national park where they would camp and he hated to admit that his nerves were growing, and it was getting harder to push those feelings away, but he was trying really hard to. The main reason was that he didn’t want her to find out and feel like she was unsafe around him, the woods are scary as it is and adding terrifying beings to that only made it worse. He tried to maintain his composure, the last thing he wanted was for her to feel like something was wrong, though his unease was palpable.

“Are you okay?” Y/n asked him, pulling him out of his thoughts “You’re acting weird”

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry, I’m just focusing on the road, I’ve never been here before”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it” He gave her a quick reassuring glance, briefly placing a hand on her thigh before returning it to the wheel “What were you saying?”

“That my friends will be joining us tomorrow, so it’s just the two of us tonight”

“Just the two of us?”

“Yeah” Y/N studied his face for a moment. Since the moment they got into the car, she had been getting a feeling he didn’t wanna go camping, his worried face validating her suspicions “You know we don’t have to go tonight, we can go back to campus and come back tomorrow when everyone else is there”

“No!” He was quick to reply “Y/N, I’m okay. We’ll be okay” He said that last part almost as if he was trying to convince himself.

“I just wanna know that you’re 100% sure-” “I am. Since when are you scared of camping?” “I’m not, but I know you’ve never been camping before, so it’s normal to feel intimidated by the experience”

“Okay, maybe I feel a little intimidated, but I’m with you and that always makes me feel better”

Once they got there, Dalton carried most of the stuff they brought, letting her guide the way to the campsite. They walked for a bit, immersing themselves deep into the forest until she found a perfect spot to set everything up.

They arrived at their campsite just as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long, eerie shadows in the dense woods. Y/N was overflowing with excitement, eagerly helping Dalton pitching their tent while Dalton anxiously surveyed the surroundings.

“Why don’t we set up the campfire? It’s getting dark” Y/N said as they finished setting up their tent.

“Yeah, I’ll go find some logs” Though he tried to cover it up, she could tell that he was nervous.

“I’ll go with you, they might be a little heavy for you” She teased, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Oh, and you’re gonna help me carry them?”

“Yeah, someone strong should”

He pretended to be offended, gasping in indignation “Do my arms look weak to you?” Dalton playfully flexed his biceps for a few seconds, earning an eye roll from Y/N but she couldn't hide her blushing face, making Dalton smile “I guess that’s a no”

They only had to walk for a short while until they found a bunch of logs scattered in the uneven ground, so she started stacking as many logs as Dalton could carry in his arms, enough to bring back for the fire.

“So how come your friends aren’t coming tonight?” He asked all of the sudden as he held the logs Y/N was giving him.

“They had a Halloween party tonight, I doubt it was so important that they couldn’t cancel it but whatever”

“Maybe it was just like Chris’ party” He joked. Y/N excitedly invited her to join them in their camping trip, but she immediately said no, reminding them of the amazing costume parties she promised she'd go to, and she couldn’t possibly miss any of them.

“Yeah. I didn’t think she’d come though, she’s not a fan of the outdoors”

“Neither am I, but I’m here”

“Well, you’re my boyfriend, you kinda had to be here” She joked, placing another log on his arms and standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek.

“Let’s get these logs back to the camp, yeah? These are getting heavy”

“I thought your big arms could take a few logs” Y/N started walking back to the campsite, a playful smile appearing on her face.

“To be fair you said you’d help”

“Do you want me to help?” She stopped walking and turned to face him. Dalton shook his head in response “I can carry these for you” She said as she got closer to him, pretending to reach for the logs in his arms. “No, I got them” He took a step back “I could carry more if I wanted to but this is enough”

The two of them took the short trek back to camp, carefully deciding where they wanted to place it. Before long, the fire was burning bright, illuminating and warming up the area where their tent was.

As the moon crept higher in the sky, the temperature dropped, and the forest fell into a deep, almost oppressive silence. Dalton noticed the stillness and shivered, feeling as though the very trees were watching him. He was so immersed in his thoughts, he faintly jumped when Y/N talked to him.

“Do you remember if we packed the buns? Can’t really have hamburgers without them” Y/N was looking through their bags for the buns they packed for dinner, standing up and making her way to the fire when she couldn’t find them.

“Uh- yeah, I think they’re in my bag” He said as he looked for it “Is it usually this dark out here?”

Y/N looked at him and almost laughed, until she noticed the serious look on his face “Oh… yeah. Most of the hiking trails are illuminated but they encourage campers to set up a campfire, so it’s pretty dark”

“Oh” He replied in a low voice.

“Why?”

“Just wondering. Most of the national parks I’ve been to have lights everywhere” She could almost sense his fear, but she knew there’s nothing to worry about “Found them”

Dalton walked towards the fire, where Y/N was already opening the burgers to cook them “Thanks” She replied as she took the buns “You know it's just the wilderness, nothing to be afraid of”

“I’m not afraid, I was just curious”

One thing about Dalton, he’d never admit he’s scared “I know, I was just saying”

Soon, the two of them were sitting around the fire, happily munching on their food while Y/N shared stories about her previous camping trips, carefully leaving out the embarrassing parts, and Dalton was happily listening to them.

“I used to be scared of everything at night so I’d just stay in the tent while everyone else had fun around the fire” Dalton asked her for an explanation with a look “I didn’t wanna see things moving in the woods”

“Why? Did something like that ever happen?”

“No, or at least not for real”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m sure I used to think that, but I was just letting my imagination get the best of me” She stopped for a moment before saying “That and I used to get pranked a lot, just because I got scared easily”

“Pranked?” He asked, distress evident in his voice.

“Don’t worry, that was years ago” She reassured him “They haven’t done anything like that in a while”

He wanted to be relieved, but he was still curious “What type of pranks were they?”

“Uh- I remember one time someone was hiding behind a tree making weird sounds, and when I walked by he jumped to scare me, that type of pranks”

“Oh”

“Dalton, that was years ago” She scooted closer to him, wrapping one arm around his shoulders “Besides, it’s just us tonight, we can… you know, cuddle and kiss” Dalton hummed in response, leaning in for a kiss.

They stayed by the fire for a while, and night soon settled in, and the forest came alive with eerie sounds. Rustling leaves, distant hoots of owls, and the occasional snap of a twig added to Dalton’s anxiety. He tried to distract himself by stoking the campfire and keeping an eye on the dimly lit path leading to their campsite. He was aware that most of the sounds were common for a natural forest like that, but he couldn’t just get rid of his anxiety.

But strange things began to happen, things that only Y/N seemed to notice. Mysterious shadows moved in the periphery of their campfire's glow. She was no stranger to camping, but she felt her heart race. She hadn’t been truly scared of her surroundings in a long time, but she was starting to feel like something was watching them. She would usually dismiss it as a figment of her imagination, convinced that it was just the dancing flames casting eerie shapes among the trees, however, this was different.

“Do you wanna get in the tent?” She asked, ignoring the shadows around them “It’s getting late”

“Sure” He stood up and drowned the fire with water, dispersing the partially burned logs to make sure they were wet “Do you have the flashlights?”

“In the tent, hold on” Y/N used the light of her phone to see the path to their tent, finally making it to the entrance and reaching to open it, but as soon as she touched it something moved inside.

That’s weird.

She opened it slowly, repeating in her mind that the forest was full of animals that would occasionally try to steal food. Once it was open, she carefully inspected the insides of the tent, her shaky hands moving the light all over it, but it was empty.

“Hey, did you find them?” Dalton asked behind her, looking over her shoulder.

“Uh- yeah, they’re here” Y/N crawled into the tent and grabbed the flashlights, turning around to see Dalton getting in the same way “Let’s just use one of them, we don’t wanna waste any batteries”

They settled in and got ready to go to sleep, changing into their nightclothes and laying next to each other to keep their bodies warm. They talked for a while, and Dalton seemed to be fully relaxed, his fears and worries fading almost completely as he took in the wilderness surrounding them, accepting the fact that there was nothing to be scared of. Not Y/N though, it was like she absorbed every negative feeling Dalton was having and now she was the one aware of every sound and movement outside their tent, her heart racing constantly.

“I need to go to the bathroom” Dalton said as he got up and reached for a flashlight.

“Okay, let’s go” Y/N was about to do the same, but Dalton stopped her.

“Don’t worry, I can go on my own. Plus, it’s too cold outside, I know how long it takes you to warm up again. I won’t take long”

“But-”

“Y/N, it’s okay, I’ll be right back” Dalton left the tent, using the flashlight and the guiding light of the moon to make his way to the communal bathrooms.

She stayed there, watching as his shadow got further away from their campsite. Her mind was racing, jumping at everything that happened around her, but she was still trying to convince herself that it was just like any other camping trip.

It seemed to be working, until she heard a weird sound coming from one of their bags. It was like an interference. She opened it and looked for what could be making that sound, spotting a walkie-talkie and letting out a sigh of relief. Y/N picked up the walkie talkie, bringing it closer to her ear, she turned up the volume for a moment, but just as she was about to turn it off she heard something else, it sounded like a… voice.

She pressed a button and asked “Dalton?”

She was trying to remember if Dalton took a walkie-talkie with him, but her soul almost left her body when she found the other one. She heard the voice speak again, this time longer sentences instead of just a word, she didn’t recognise it and she had no idea what it was saying, which only made it worse. She turned it off hoping the whispers would stop, however, as the minutes passed, the whispers on the walkie-talkie grew louder and more distinct. Unintelligible voices seemed to be speaking in an unfamiliar language. Y/N clutched the walkie-talkie tightly, but she threw it somewhere in the tent when she heard her own name, her fear growing intensely.

Suddenly, she noticed a shadow getting closer to the tent. She allowed a small smile form in her face, opening the tent to let her boyfriend back in.

"Dalton-" But as soon as she caught a glimpse of the outside, the shadow disappeared, and the voice said her name again.

She put on her shoes and took a flashlight, leaving the tent and the talking device behind as she looked for the bathrooms.

“Dalton!” She yelled, her voice echoing through the trees “Dalton!” She repeated a little louder, but she didn’t get a response.

Y/N didn’t remember the communal bathrooms being this far away from their tent, but it felt like she had been walking for a few minutes and she still hadn’t found them. A weak feeling in the pit of her stomach grew with each step and sweat covering her body even in the cold night. It only took another minute until she finally saw Dalton walking towards her.

“Dalton” She exclaimed in relief, quickly cutting the distance between their bodies.

“Y/N, are you okay?” He asked, worried something happened while he was gone “What’s wrong?”

“What took you so long?” Y/N hugged him tightly, the fear leaving her body for a couple of seconds.

“What do you mean? I’ve been gone for like two minutes”

“No, I’ve been looking for you for the last five minutes” She pulled away to look at him, his eyebrows coming together as he tried to decipher if it was some kind of prank “I- I started to hear things and then I heard one of the walkie-talkies, it was like a- a voice and I swear it said my name” She explained with a shaky voice.

“Those thing pick up on anything, don’t worry about that”

“No, Dalton I’m telling you, it was not picking up other signals, I- I turned it off and it was still talking. I don’t know what it was saying and- and I don’t know who it was but that’s not normal”

“Where is the walkie-talkie?” He asked, aware of his fear coming back to him.

“I left it in the tent. There’s something watching us, we’re not alone. Baby, you have to believe me”

Just as Dalton began to question the whispers himself, a gut-wrenching scream pierced the night. Both of them jolted, their hearts pounding in their chests. Their flashlights illuminated the dark woods as they rushed towards the source of the sound.

The horrifying scene they stumbled upon sent shivers down their spines. Their campsite was in shambles, their belongings scattered, and their tent was torn to shreds. It was as though a malevolent force had descended upon them, leaving chaos in its wake.

Terror washed over Dalton again, and he could no longer deny the eerie reality of their situation. They were not alone in the forest, and something unnatural was lurking in the darkness.

“We have to go” He looked for his bag in the mess, trying to find the keys of his car. Y/N was helping him, and at the same time she was looking for the walkie-talkies, but they were nowhere to be found.

Weird sounds were coming from everywhere, the rustling of the leaves and the swishing of the branches sounding more sinister than normal, but they eventually turned into whispers, the same ones Y/N heard before.

“I found them!” She yelled, turning to Dalton and running towards him.

Dalton took the keys and held Y/N’s hand, whispering soft calming words before running out of the campsite.

Desperation fueled their every step as they stumbled deeper into the woods, trying to find their way back to safety. But as they fled, the malevolent force continued to pursue them, the whispers growing more sinister with each passing moment.

In the pitch-black darkness, they couldn't see what was pursuing them, but they could feel its presence, an otherworldly malevolence that threatened to consume them. Except Dalton did recognise what was stalking them, a very familiar being that hadn’t stopped looking for him and the people he loved for as long as he can remember, and he was cursing himself for putting her in danger.

They were hoping they were close to the exit, but none of them could think clearly enough to know where they were supposed to be headed, their minds consumed by their suffocating fear, so they just clung to each other.

Then, just as they were on the verge of despair, a blinding light pierced through the trees. Y/N recognised it instantly, the lights were coming from the big sign that marked the beginning of the trail, meaning Dalton’s car was parked just a few metres away from them.

“We’re close” Y/N picked up her pace, dragging her feet closer to the source of light. The relief in both of them was noticeable when they finally made it out of the woods, running to the car when they saw it. They got in and Dalton immediately turned it on, driving away as fast as they could.

They stayed silent for a moment, trying to process what just happened and bringing their breathing back to normal.

“I’m sorry, this is my fault” Dalton broke the silence.

“What? No” Y/N said confused.

“I should’ve told you-”

“Dalton, of course this isn’t your fault-”

“We need to talk” He interrupted her “There’s a lot you don’t know about me”

Dalton reassured her he would explain everything once they got back to campus, and he tried his best to promise everything would be okay. Y/N was confused and scared, she didn’t understand what Dalton was talking about but he seemed to be scared too, so she wanted to be there for him no matter what.

After all, they had just witnessed the unexplainable, and she knew it would leave a lasting scar on their souls forever.

Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think, likes and reblogs are highly appreciated!!

#halloween special #writing special #dalton lambert #dalton lambert x reader #insidious #dalton lambert fic #dalton lambert imagine #dalton lambert x you #dalton lambert fanfic #dalton lambert imagines #dalton lambert fluff #dalton lambert angst #insidious the red door #insidious 5 #ty simpkins #halloween

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mrsnancywheeler · 2 months

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OKAY SO-

You said onetime that Finnick and sweet girl have major hadestown vibes and that’s so real!!! (That literature paper I wrote that was around 4,000 was actually about hadestown! I was writing about the contemporary political themes and love)

The sudden way Finnick went to talk to her for the first time reminds me so much of “come home with me” and overall their love story reminds me of “all I’ve ever known” because of just how much they’re like “the world is shit but when I’m with you everything is okay” yk? And Finnick is so Orpheus, willing to risk everything for Eurydice.

ALSO!!! Sweet girl reminds me of “flowers” specifically after the capitol took her after the quarter quell. I mean the whole song takes place when Eurydice can’t remember Orpheus but all she can’t remember is the feeling of safety, the feeling of belonging,

I could talk about hadestown all day (my original draft was 5,000 words) , and I could talk about the lakes all day

-🌾anon

YES YES YES I've be wanting to fully explore this so buckle up guys this is a long ride, ily so much pookie bc I've missed your thoughts while I've been sick 😭

(also that as an essay topic is so real and I bet it was absolutely amazing)

starting off with all I've ever known because it is so absolutely them in every sense of the song

"this is how it's always been, all I've ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you too." finnick only has people he perceives as fair weather friends or those who use him, but then there's her and suddenly he doesn't have to worry about that. and she's so used to masking, protecting herself but then there's him, all she longs for.

we know sweet girl is always cold and finnick is the warmth to contrast that, her sun to keep her from freezing "you take me in your arms, suddenly there's sunlight all around me, everything bright and warm and shining like it never did before and for a moment I forget just how dark and cold it gets."

"now I wanna hold you, hold you close, I don't wanna ever have to let you go. now I wanna hold you, hold you tight, I don't wanna go back to the lonely life." both of them longing for each other's touch, presence, the release found in being with one another

readers anxiety about not being worthy and deserving suffering is so, "I don't know how or why. who am I, that I should get to hold you?"

and finnick knowing she's the one before they've even really spoken, he just knows it's right is so, "it's like I'd known you all along, I knew you before we met and I don't even know you yet. all I know's you're someone I have always known."

and him and his sweet girl as the back in forth at the end, chef's kiss perfect

"say that you'll hold me forever. say that the wind won't change on us. say that we'll stay with each other and it will always be like this." with her never ending anxieties

"I'm gonna hold you forever, the wind will never change on us. long as we stay with each other, then it will always be like this." as finnick trying to reassure his sweet girl.

side bar to a line in hey, little songbird that always makes me think of her when she's trying to differentiate reality from lies in the Capitol

"suddenly nothing is as it was. where are you now, orpheus? wasn't it gonna be the two of us, weren't we birds of a feather?"

moving onto flowers which is so her

"dreams are sweet until they're not. men are kind, until they aren't. flowers bloom until they rot and fall apart." the dream of being with finnick getting her through the games versus the reality of winning and what that took. the trafficking faced in the capitol AND when conway turned on her, playing into the romantic facade in the end. her when she was young, become a husk of that.

and then the feeling when she's in the Capitol and can't verbalize how she's feeling, she just needs people to know because it's all too much. she doesn't want to be unreadable, she longs to be herself again but isn't quite there yet.

"is anybody listening? I open my mouth and nothing comes out. nothing. nothing gonna wake me now."

then out of all the negative, twisted memories, the positive anecdotes she does have. and the way she's so scared but still longs for finnick regardless.

"flowers, I remember fields of flowers, soft beneath my heels. walking in the sun, I remember someone, someone by my side turned his face to mine."

"you, the one I left behind. if you ever walk this way, come and find me lying in the bed I made."

AND FINNICK IS JUST SO WAIT FOR ME CODED

"wait for me, I'm coming. wait, I'm coming with you. wait for me, I'm coming too." like he so desperately wanted to instantly go back to the capitol and save her or just be with her that he was stuck in a constant state of sedation when they refused to let him.

"that town'll try to suck you dry. they'll suck your brain, they'll suck your breath, they'll pluck your heart right out of your chest." the lengths he's willing to go, the trials he'll endure for her

a small time to flash back to wedding song because on a fluffier note it's so a back and forth between them

sweet girl is so "lover, tell me if you can, who's gonna buy the wedding bands? times being what they are, hard and getting harder all the time."

and the ever reassuring finnick "lover, when I sing my song, all the rivers will sing along. and they're gonna break their banks for us and with their gold be generous. all a-flashing in the pan, all to fashion for your hand, the rivers gonna give us the wedding bands."

okay and the way reader views herself and what Snow manipulation to hijack her, and how they always mention fate is tearing them apart is very akin to when the chips are down.

"help yourself, to hell with the rest, even the one who loves you best."

"what you gonna do when the chips are down? now that the chips are down. " " oh, my aching heart."

"ain't nobody but yourself to trust"

"aim for the heart, shoot to kill. if you don't do it then the other one will."

"cast your eyes to heaven, you get a knife in the back. nobody's righteous, nobody's proud, nobody's innocent, now that the chips are down"

AND PROMISES like finnick trying to work them back though what the Capitol did to her and she's so desperate to be herself again even if she's struggling. and he's trying but he uncertain on how to do it especially since this isn't the future he necessarily envisioned for them.

(in a sweet girl then finnick line set up)

"let's go, let's go right now"

"okay, let's go. how?"

"we'll walk, you know the way. we'll just come back the way you came."

"it's a long road, it's a long walk. back into the cold and dark. are you sure you wanna go?"

"take me home."

"I have no ring for your finger, I have no banquet table to lay, I have no bed of feathers, whatever promises I made. I can't promise you fair sky above, I can't promise you kind road below, but I'll walk beside you love. anyway the wind blows."

"I don't need gold or silver. just bread when I'm hungry, fire when I'm cold. don't need a ring for my finger, just a steady hand to hold...just walk beside me love, anyway the wind blows"

and both of them "do you let me walk with you? I do. I do. and keep on walking come what will? I will. I will. we will."

this is all for now because it's so long but they're literally them and I'm convinced this is just one of the lessons they've learned in a past life when he turned around. so now he's learning to trust in this life.

and as evident so can I lmao 😭 I'm glad we're on the same page though. love you 💋

#wanda 💋#finnick odair x reader #finnick odair x y/n #finnick odair #the lakes #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair angst #finnick odair x reader fluff #finnick odair x you #the river #🌾 anon

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fallingforunrealisticromance · 9 months

Text

High for love pt2 - Sherlock x reader

Masterlist

Requests

Word count: 2453

Warnings: Swearing

****= time skip

A/N: This is the last part, i'm not planning on doing a part 3. Hope you enjoy :)

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It had been almost two weeks since you’d stormed out of Sherlocks apartment. You hadn’t spoken to him since that night, despite him texting and calling numerous times. You just couldn’t bring yourself to face him. Either he knew about your feelings and chose to mess with you, or he didn’t remember confessing his love. You weren’t sure which was worse, but you didn’t want to deal with either scenario. So, you ignored him. Your life suddenly felt quite lonely. No Tom, no sherlock, no john; the only other person you’d seen this week apart from your colleagues at work was an amazon delivery driver. Christ that’s depressing.

You sat on your sofa, staring vacantly out the window trying to decide for the hundredth time what to do. Sherlock was a persistent man, there was no way you could avoid him forever. In fact, you were surprised he hadn’t come to your flat yet to force you to talk to him. Maybe he didn’t care enough? Before any more self-deprecating thoughts could swirl round in your paranoid mind, your phone rang. It was Mary.

“Hello” you said, lifting the phone to your ear.

“Ah so you are alive” Mary joked, making you chuckle stiffly.

“Yeah, uh I guess I just haven’t been on my phone much. Sorry if I worried you or anything.”

“You should be, I’ve had to stop the boys breaking down your door at least 3 times already” She said light heartedly.

You smiled at the thought of her battling John and Sherlock. Also, at the fact that they cared.

“I appreciate you doing that Mary. I really am sorry I’ve been gone.” Your tone was regretful as you spoke, fidgeting with the hem of a blanket that rested over your legs.

“I don’t know what happened to make you disappear, but I do know that I don’t want you dealing with this alone anymore. I would have reached out sooner but I wanted to give you space to decide how to handle whatever it is.”

“That means a lot to me, genuinely. I’m glad you called though”

“Look why don’t we meet up? We can grab a coffee or go for a walk and you can tell me what’s going on, how about it?” She offered.

You smiled, a weight feeling like it was lifted off your chest.

“Coffee sounds perfect.”

“Brilliant, I’ll come and pick you up in 20 minutes?”

“Yeah okay, see you then” You say before hanging up the phone.

You were glad to be leaving the house, but more so because it meant seeing Mary. The two of you became best friends almost instantly when her and john got together. She just got you in a way no one else did and vice versa. You loved her like a sister, and you couldn’t be happier to have her in your life.

*******************************************************************

“So, he actually told you he loved you? Like he’s in love with you?” Mary questioned as the two of you sat on a bench by the river, each with a coffee cup in hand.

“Yep, he just blurted it out like it was nothing” You sighed. “I don’t even know if he knows he said it, I just…I don’t know how I’m supposed to talk to him again”

Mary nodded, her eyes full of sympathy. “I get it, he’s a complicated man Sherlock”

You scoffed “Yeah you can say that again.”

“But, in some ways, he can also be pretty simple” Mary continued.

You furrowed your brow at her “Okay so that makes no sense”

“All I’m saying is if you just sit down with him and have a straightforward conversation, he’ll listen. I mean, he listens to you more than any of us half the time anyway” She replied, nudging your arm playfully.

“No, he doesn’t” You say with a small chuckle.

“Well why do you think Mycroft called you in the first place? Because Sherlocks cares what you think and listens to you even if he’s being completely irrational” Mary reasoned.

You thought about it for a moment. Could she be right? She had a point with Mycroft calling you – he never contacts you normally.

“Oh my god you’re right” Your voice coming out just above a whisper.

“Well nothings new there” She joked.

“So, so what do I do? Just turn up at his place and say ‘hey you may not remember but you proclaimed your love for me, and I just wanted you to know that I’ve been in love with you since I met you and it’s the whole reason I broke up with my boyfriend. Anyway, have a nice day’” You say sarcastically, throwing your hands in the air.

“Yes.” Mary replied shortly.

“Oh-“ You stared at her, nerves filling your body.

The more you thought about it, the more you realized you had nothing to lose. You were already avoiding him like the plague, how could this conversation really make anything worse.

“Fuck it” You gulp down the rest of your coffee. “Let’s go then.”

*****************************************************************

The entire time there you could feel your nerves starting to bubble over.

“Mary I really don’t know if this is a good idea-"

“Shut up, you’re doing this. For all our sakes” She encouraged, pushing you towards the door.

She used her key that john had given her to let the pair of you in.

“I haven’t even called, what if he doesn’t want to see me? I wouldn’t love it if someone just barged into my flat after ignoring me for two weeks.” You mumbled as she continued to push you into the building.

“He won’t care, its sherlock. He has people coming in and out all the time.”

You continued to bicker as she pulled you up the stairs. You could try to make a run for it, but Mary was faster and stronger than you and you could imagine she wouldn’t even hesitate to drag you back here.

“Mary please, please let’s not do this” You begged in a hushed tone

“Hi boys, look who I found” Mary announced loudly as she pushed to door open to their flat.

Before you had a moment to think, she pulled you in front of her, so you were standing in the living room you’d grown to love. John and Sherlock were sat in their chairs, both staring at you with a slight look of shock on their face as Mary stood behind you beaming at them. No one said anything.

“uh…Hi” You internally cringed at how awkward you sounded.

“Hey…” John replied sounding unsure as his eyes flickered over to sherlock, who was still staring rather intently at you.

You couldn’t look at him, you didn’t know what to say.

“So, John and I have to go talk to Mrs. Hudson but you two stay here, have a nice catch up and we’ll see you later” Mary said, grabbing john by the arm as she pulled him out of his chair.

You heard john muttering something about leaving his paper in the flat as Mary led him away. The silence in the room was crippling. You felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“So…” You said as you took a step towards the sofa.

You could’ve sat in johns chair, but that was too close to sherlock, and you needed to be able to think clearly for this conversation.

“Listen i-“ “How have you-“ You both spoke at the same time.

You looked over at him, laughing slightly at the nervousness between you two.

“You go” You said softly.

“No, no you go first” He replied.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded. You took a deep breath, running your hands along your thighs anxiously.

“First I just want to say I’m sorry for barging in like this, Mary talked me into it” You joked. “But also, I’m sorry for ignoring you. It’s just, something happened that night. I don’t even know if you remember but you were high, and Mycroft had called me to come over and check on you. And you said…“

Your voice trailed off as you looked at the floor. “You said you-“

“I know what I said.” Sherlocks voice was low, smooth.

Your eyes snapped up to look at him, your heart beating a mile a minute. He wasn’t looking at you as he sat there, one leg crossed over the other with his hands resting against the arm of the chair. He just stared in front of him, never wavering.

“You do?” Your voice sounded so weak compared to his.

“Of course, I do. I remember everything.” The slight arrogance in his voice annoyed you, but you chose to ignore it for the moment.

“But you were high, like ridiculously so.”

“Darling, I’m somewhat of an addict in case you hadn’t noticed. I’ve kind of built up a tolerance over the years” He replied with a chuckle.

The term of endearment made your stomach flutter.

“Then why did you say it? Were you just trying to hurt me, because job well done if you were” You spoke, the irritation now evident in your tone.

Finally, his eyes moved to meet yours. His brow creased in confusion as he scanned your face.

“What? No… why would I ever want to hurt you?”

You stayed silent, feeling your face flush red with embarrassment. You broke his gaze, looking down at your hands instead.

“You thought I didn’t mean it.” He stated after a moment.

A heavy silence continued to hang in the air. You wanted to say something, to reply to him but your voice died in your throat. You heard him get up from his chair, his footsteps heading in your direction. Suddenly his feet came into your view as he crouched down in front of where you sat on the sofa. You felt his finger and thumb gently under your chin, guiding your eyes to meet his.

“You thought I didn’t mean it?” It was more of a question this time, his tone soft as his eyes scanned yours.

You nodded.

“How could you?” Your voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“How could i? I think the question you should be asking is how I could not. You have the most beautiful mind, and the kindest heart. You’ve stood by my side through everything and have never once made me feel like an outcast, like a freak. You came into my life and welcomed everything about me without hesitation. When I’m around you, I feel like I can finally take a breath. Like nothing else matters. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt that sort of peace in my life before.” As he spoke, he gently reached out and tucked a stray hair behind your ear caressing your cheek softly as he did so.

You were frozen, eyes wide as you stared back at him. You couldn’t process what you were hearing. Sherlock Holmes, a man of logic and facts, was knelt before you baring his heart out.

“I tried to hide how I felt, to ignore it. I didn’t want to complicate things between us. And in truth, I feared I would lose you. I decided it was better to be in love with you in secret and to keep you in my life, rather than love you pubically and potentially lose you. Selfish I know, but it seemed the best option at the time. Especially when you were with Tom. But I guess I sort of lost that filter when I was high” He chuckled slightly, a smile appearing on your face as he did.

“Yeah, I guess you did.” You replied.

“I am so sorry that you thought I had said it to hurt you.” His eyes flashed with guilt as he spoke.

“No, no you have nothing to apologize for. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I should have listened to you. I’m sorry.” You felt awful, knowing what you must have put him through.

“Hey, look at me” You lifted your eyes once more. “I don’t care. Not anymore. Not now I have you here in front of me.” The corner of his mouth lifted into a smile as he looked at you lovingly.

You smiled, leaning forward to rest your head against his shoulder. You felt his arms wrap around you, holding you close to him. One of his hands threaded its way through your hair, gently stroking you. You hummed happily at the feeling.

“You like that?” He asked, a smug tone in his voice.

“Mhm” You responded, burying your head into the crook of his neck.

“I’ll remember that for future reference.” He commented with a small laugh.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of each other’s embrace.

“Just to check, this means you feel the same right?” Sherlock asked, breaking the silence.

You pulled back so you could look at him. You burst out laughing realizing you hadn’t actually said it back.

“Oh my god of course I do. The whole reason I broke up with tom is because I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for months you idiot.” You nudge him playfully, causing him to laugh with you.

“Okay good well I was just making sure”

“If there’s one thing you never have to doubt Sherlock, it’s my love for you” You reply, grinning at him.

“I can say the same to you darling.” He leant in, his hand on your cheek.

Your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him closer, his lips meeting yours. They were soft and gentle against yours; you’d never felt anything more perfect. You melted against him, your hands threading through his raven curls.

“Thank god for that” A voice from the doorway made you both jump, pulling away from each other.

“I told you it would work out.”

You turned to see a smug looking Mary and John beside her, looking rather relieved.

“Does that mean you’re going to stop ignoring us now?” John asked, looking at you.

“No, I thought I’d just tell sherlock I loved him, kiss him and then disappear again” You replied sarcastically, earning an eye roll from john.

“As if I would ever let that happen.” Sherlock commented, his hand squeezing your thigh playfully.

“Oh god, I do not need to see that” John grimaced before heading to the kitchen.

You laughed before leaning in and placing another quick kiss on the detective’s lips.

“I’m not going anywhere Sherlock, don’t worry.”

“Good” He sat next to you on the sofa, pulling you to him so your head rested on his chest. “I love you too much to watch you walk away.”

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Hope that was okay!!

@mysticwitchcraftco

#bbc sherlock #benedict cumberbatch #sherlock bbc #sherlock holmes #sherlock reader insert #sherlock x reader #x reader #fluff #fanfiction

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