#different. like it’s such a stupid thing to get upset about but like when they don’t eat lunch with me or when they didn’t even bother to

[chilschuck]

Can i request for chilchuck react to reader who like to daydream and after he tell the reader he is married, the reader keep spacing out more often out of sadness and they also try to avoid interacting with him much so she can move on. But laios and the other think it's normal since she always avoid interacting with people ( the reader interact with chilchuck more after falling in love with him )

Do you think he will notice? (ಥ﹏ಥ) (ಡ‸ಡ)

`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ WAHHHH ANON this is such a good concept and made my heart hurt…… i ended up adding some comfort to it because if you’re like me, you need it after reading angst!! :”)))

— OF COURSE: chilchuck x gn!reader.

꒰ warnings: ꒱ sfw + hurt/comfort! might be a lil ooc, lol.

꒰ wc: ꒱ 941

✦ i hope this turned out okay!! i made it shorter than my other drabbles by accident but it felt good to end it where it did. i kind of changed the prompt a lil but only because i wanted to give you guys some love from chil still. (;;;w;;;) i’m honestly worried this turned out bad…. hhhhh. i’m so sorry if it’s not what you wanted. ;;; i still hope you enjoy!!! <333

He knew something was wrong.

It wasn’t difficult to see that you had started avoiding him. Even your gaze refused to meet his own for longer than it had to. Your constant spacing out and stares at the floor said all he needed to hear: you were upset.

It only seemed to get worse when you overheard his talk about reconciling with his wife, any hope you had shattering into a thousand pieces in front of you. From then on, you didn’t smile unless you felt you had to. The thick silence you left in your wake was suffocating, and Chilchuck wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

The other members in the party took it as if you were being your usual spacey self, and didn’t draw any attention to the issue. This only made Chilchuck feel worse; he definitely noticed the change.

You used to hang back with Chilchuck and talk with him constantly, sharing little tidbits about yourselves or chatting mindlessly. Things seemed to come easily when it came to you... Too bad he only realized this now.

The smiles you gave him, the eyes full of affection, the lingering touches… It stung that they were no longer a part of his everyday life. Instead, the sadness that ate at you only bled through to your face, into your actions, and into your silence. It was unfamiliar and unbearable at the same time… Especially with the way you’d closed up further.

Chilchuck wasn’t stupid; he knew you harbored some sort of feelings for him. He wasn’t sure if that made this hurt more than it would otherwise. You were obviously distancing yourself from him, further proving his point that inner party relationships were trouble. Yet, there wasn’t any anger or resentment in his chest towards you. If anything, this was a misunderstanding between the two of you.

Calling your name, he approached you almost apprehensively. The recoil you gave made that familiar sharp pain in his chest reappear. Blurting out an excuse, you made your presence scarce. And just like that, you left him alone again.

Of course he noticed. If anything, he hoped that it was all some sort of miscommunication. Sure, he wanted to reconnect with his estranged wife, but… That’s what they were: estranged childhood sweethearts that grew apart. Along with their love, their relationship changed. Things weren’t something he could fix, and his old flame knew that too. But he hoped more than anything they could sort through their differences and still be at least friends.

Of course you didn’t know. There was no way for you to know, or have known his true intentions. Like everything else he tried to bury deep down, you were fading from his life. Chilchuck couldn’t seem to let this one go, to let you go.

So he chased after you. For once in his life, he decided to not swallow these feelings down. He knew there was only so much he could bury, only so much he’d want to bury. You didn’t deserve that, and he needed you to give him those smiles again. To give him those gazes full of adoration and those tender but fleeting touches…

You didn’t pull your hand out of his immediately. Instead, when he called your name again this time, you turned. Chilchuck swallowed.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Surely there was a better thing to ask at this moment, but your lip quivered nonetheless. A deep sigh leaving you, your gaze met with the floor again.

“…So it’d stop hurting.” Was all you replied, the weight of those words knocking the air out of him. He opened his mouth to speak, but you raised a hand to silence him.

“This is for the best... I hope you understand.” Your voice used to never sound so broken. It was soft in a way that he’d never heard before. You had truly given up on this, and he can’t say he blames you. He’d have given up on himself, too.

But he can’t let himself fall into that same cycle of self-pity. Not again, he assured himself, reaching up to grab a fist full of your top and pulling you down to meet his eyes. “Let me explain this to you. Please. I… I’m not going back to her because of the reason you think.” Chilchuck hadn’t heard himself this pleading in so long. He felt pitiful, and he suddenly remembered why he doesn’t like being vulnerable.

You couldn’t stop your head from nodding a yes to his request, that spark of hope trying to ignite once again in your chest. Trying to snuff it out, you waited patiently for him to continue.

And so he did. Baring it all to you, he decided this would be another step towards being more open with himself. Maybe you’d see him as pathetic for this, but he tried to piece the words together as congruent as possible. The feelings he had for her distinguished with the years spent apart and even some of the time spent together. This whole time he’s been sure that he just wanted to right the wrongs he did, and move on. Hopefully with you, when all this was over.

Of course you said yes. You listened, and with every word that left him, the flame within you rekindled. You weren’t sure what to say for a moment, besides giving a light laugh in relief. Even Chilchuck exhaled a brisk chuckle, scratching the back of his head in nervous habit. He’s not sure he could ever get used to this whole “telling your true feelings” thing.

But for you, he’d try.

— dividers by @/cafekitsune!! <333

#⟡ lilia writes! 🌿 #trying to get better at hurt/comfort #and this may be terrible bc i’m so brain fried rn gdhfjfjhj #but i thought maybe you’d want some chil loving too :’))) #chilchuck x reader #chilchuck tims x reader #dunmeshi x reader #dungeon meshi x reader #delicious in dungeon x reader

[archduke-enver-gortash]

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it! #i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

[murobrown]

.

#let me vent here real quick #bachelorette/bachelor parties are one of the most stupid concepts we ever created #it's disgusting and humiliating to me #if I'd have a person who loves me enough that they decide that they want to spend the rest of their life with me it's like an ultimate win #i mean what more do you want to achieve in life? isn't that like a main goal? #I don't even mean marriage that's useless but just that safe warm loving feeling #and then you gather all your friends and you're going to look at it as game over????? #so anyway I should attempt a stupid bachelorette party this weekend and it's useless and incredibly expensive #and it's full of activities that are totally outside of my comfort zone like drinking and dancing and being half naked in a spa #and you have to wear some dumb accessories so that you also humiliate yourself in front of everyone #and first I thought will be able to handle it but yesterday I panicked and asked if I can be excused from all those activities #and people don't understand that my concept of fun is different from theirs #and i don't mean this in any negative way towards those people #it's just different for me and I'd love you to understand that #but... it's also not nice from me to ditch them last minute and let down my friend that's getting married #but yesterday I just had this moment when I thought fuck no I'm going to think about myself for once and it's just not right #because then you make people upset... #the actual wedding is another thing I dread...it will be an actual nightmare and there's no way I will ever escape it #so yeah I'm just full of emotions and I don't know what's the right thing to do and how to keep others happy and myself calm #at least last night I dreamt about Jake Bugg hugging me and if that's not the sign I'm going spend the rest of my life with that man... #i also decided to survive both of those events sober just to make it more challenging for myself #alcohol has way too many calories and i just want stay in control of my brain #i will see if the only three friends i have will resent me after this #i needed to sort my thoughts here even though I know ot doesn't look like so #i hope that you all are having a wonderful day and doing fantastic ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[i-dont-bite]

i've been cancelled for the 2nd time on twitter because i thought finn wolfhard going to starbucks was not such a big deal lol

#i hate this shit because like man it's STARBUCKS it is REALLY not that deep. it is the biggest chain of coffeehouses IN THE WHOLE WORLD #WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO #he didn't even promote it and post a picture himself HE JUST TOOK A PICTURE WITH A FAN AND THEY POSTED IT #it's so counterproductive all of these things #it's like when sabrina carpenter promoted coca cola and some idiot tweeted ''is that... a genocide drink'' LIKE DUDE #IT'S COCA FUCKING COLA #DO YOU REALLY EXPECT PEOPLE TO BOYCOTT COCA COLA?? #IN THOSE 10 SECONDS IT TOOK YOU TO WRITE THAT STUPID ASS TWEET 40 LATINO FAMILIES BOUGHT 80 COCA COLA BOTTLES TO HAVE WITH AN ASADO #DO YOU THINK IT'LL MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE IF FUCKASS SABRINA CARPENTER DOESN'T POSE WITH A COKE CAN??? REALLY??? #capitalism made y'all think consuming is the only power that you have and the only thing y'all can do #obviously is useful to boycott but is it making a fuss of a celebrity getting an iced latte??? #go to the fucking streets if injustice really doesn't let you sleep at night. do something. open your wallet. try to do real helping #internet activism isn't real. not on something as big as this #retweeting shit to your 60 followers that are doing the same thing is closer to useless. it may be good! but you're not doing any change!! #you're just torturing yourself filling your timeline with shit that makes you upset and that you don't have the power to change!! #everyone knows about this. the people that care will look for themselves it is literally all over the internet #is it useful to harass random teenagers on the internet because they're talking about their favorite artist #instead of putting a watermelon in their dn and retweeting a bunch of videos of children dying like you??? #really you people need to go outside. right now. instead of acting like you care so much to feel morally superior to others #plus now that we're at it!!! i love finn fr!!! but there's a much reasonable thing you could try to cancel him for!! #like still being seemingly besties with a guy accused of beating up like all of his girlfriends for example!! that's a bit more serious #yk i know nothing about that like i don't know them!! idk jdg maybe it's not true!! there's little info and most points at yes but idk idk! #i'm not talking about a situation i don't know about but I THINK that's much more serious and NO ONE on finntwt ever talks about it 😂

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[doodlboy]

Om tag ramble

#my hate 4 solomon is festering bc of that post bc its infuriating that #every1 was so scandalized that he was doing shady shit 2 lucifer from before but bc its asmo suddenly its okay #like- he's fine as a character ig but im tired of the hypocrisy in this fandom. if you're gonna b pissed off at him dr*gging lucifer #then be angry at him taking advantage of asmo while he was drunk too. its bullshit #ik hes a fictional character and its not a real issue but come the fuck on #its also bs that suddenly theyre all scary demonic demons who are evil and need to be contained and controlled #bc one second ppl are treating them like just some guy but when they need to make excuses for why bad things happen #to the characters its all 'well they're bad people sometimes and they're strong demons so its okay to treat them like shit' #its not. absolutely fucking not okay. #suddenly they deserve to have their basic rights taken away from them bc they do bad shit sometimes. #idc if theyre not your favorite character or what species they are or if they aren't a good person 24/7 NOONE should get taken advantage of #like- im more angry about the hypocrisy than i am the actual game content now. solomon does shady shit all the time #but when its done 2 golden boy lucifer its a fucking outrage for everyone #but when its asmo hes suddenly this violent hostile murderous creature that should be chained down or tamed #its just fucking UGHHHH #im not putting this in the main tag bc im not gonna have 10 different ppl tell me im fucking stupid for being upset abt this again. #elliot rambles #rant in the tags

[pepprs]

lmaooooo i think i need to quit teaching forever and also bury myself in a hole. lol

#purrs #grading papers on a sunday and the WAYYYYY this one students paper just hurt my feelings so fucking bad. i mean it’s not just hers but like. #god. it’s the most childish thing in the world (which makes sense / is the literal problem. that i am a child.) but im coteaching this class #(WHICH I TOOK and my co-instructors were MY instructors and now im replacing one of them who’s also the one who left in july lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍) and #ive had WICKED impostor syndrome bc… not to air it all out but im airing it all out bc im so mad lol. they’re both older men with phds and w #wives and families and im a 24 year old in the first year of her career with a bachelors degree who stilllives at home w her parents and #also the two of them and the third instructor literaly developed this class together and again i TOOK IT as a student in their class 2 years #ago. so again… WICKED impostor syndrome. and the class is all abt figuring out how to thrive in different contexts that are constrained by s #social norms so it’s relevant to talk abt impostor syndrome and i have talked about it. and also i get substantial parts to lead in the #classes and whatever and take attendance and grade papers and send out emails to the whole class etc etc. so WHY are the other two #instructors getting shoutouts in the papers and i am getting… NOTHING!!!! naught a SINGLE mention. when i am literally fucking LIVING #THROUGH the things we’re taking abt in class abt the first year of ur career and impostor syndrome and shit……. oh iknow why! because they #don’t actually see me as an instructor because im short and a nothing girl and an IMPOSTOR!!!!! LOLLLLL 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 and the book chapter was the #same too lol like im the only co-author who doesn’t actually get individually named as making a contribution in the text of it and nobody #noticed but me because it’s a stupid thing to notice but i still noticed. awesome. i love being invisible and not actually mattering ♥️ < #<- has the mental illness that makes you utterly unable to see evidence of how you actually do matter and only hyperfocus on the evidence th #that you don’t <- but also is trapped in the psychijc prison of some parts of her environment telling her she does matter and other parts t #telling her she doesn’t so can you blame her for going CRAZY!!!!!!!!! like is this literally not the normal well adjusted reaction to have #to GENUINELY LEGITIMATELY JUSTIFIABLY upsetting thigns. when the circumstances are fucked up and deleterious 😍😍😍😍😍😍 #delete later #oh also im apparently not even an official instructor in Da System (which is a problem and it is not supposed to be that way) so i won’t #even get to read abt how the students fucking forgot about me and think im a nothing girl because they won’t even have a chance to give me #that feedback!!! lol. i think * and * should just do everything together because they are both qualified to do it. and i should spin off #into the abyss and quit my job and never be heard from again. that’s how this shit makes me feel. like ik it’s just a couple of students and #their opinions literally don’t matter but im like hm how about i go fuck off then since clearly i don’t make a difference to you. lole <3 #* i won’t get that feedback etc etc bc i am not going to get course evals because im not in Da System. lol ♥️

[sk2lton]

we have a guest speaker in math class to talk to us about coping w stress as if this class isn’t the reason i felt like shitting myself this morning😭😭

#chant 𖦹 d’oiseau #‘what r things that stress u?’ THIS FUCKING CLASS THIS CLASS BRUH LET ME OUT OF HERE #I WANNA CRY CZ I GOTTA DO A STUPID FUCKING ONE ON ONE TALK WITH MY MATH TEACHER AFTER THIS SHIT AND SHE’S GONNA TEST ME ON SHIT #on the fuxking spot too. it’s like girl is it not enough that i finished ur fucking stupid assignment that made no sense #there’s literally videos there of me doing each fucking question too and i explain it while doing it #teachers who are like ‘i don’t wanna stress u guys’ then continue to fucking stress u the fuck out should burn i hare them #i js wanna watch the brazil vs switerland match #football is unfortunately my current hf if that’s not obvious and within the past week i’ve memorized most leagues and the teams within them #most players in these leagues. at least the notable ones. and it’s encouraged me to get back into football because growing up i really had — #— a talent for it but then my mental health came in and ruined everything #i was too anxious to do shit anymore so that’s such an L tbh but this isn’t meant to be depressing vent or anything i js wanna say i love fb #ive watched the wc and fb like since the day i popped out of the womb and i rmb the first wc i could rmb #i cheered for argentina so hard but got so upset when they were knocked out by brazil. now i’m cheering for brazil (argentina on the side) #so i feel like a trader to my younger self😭 little me would surely NOT appreciate me cheering for brazil #sk vs ghana was crazy cz i didn’t expect sk to comeback like that in the second half but it’s sad they didn’t tie. good game nonetheless #i’m so mad at team canada ngl cz we had good players but our defense was invisible😭 it doesn’t matter how good our midfielders or strikers r #as long as our def is shitty our team is shitty😭 that’s like building a house on poor foundation #it won’t last long and it’ll cause problems😭 davies goal was such a W and we have so many players from great clubs but i feel like— #— wasted them. i could go on and on and on and on about football #different teams. leagues. who fucked up by doing what😭 speaking of which… mexico’s fuckinf coach set them up idc #i rlly wanted to see lainez play. he’s a fucking game changer but mexico’s coach was like ‘how do i set us up…’ 😭 #mexico was robbed by their own coach.. canada was robbed in the canada vs belgium match jts crazy 😭😭😭

[oedipushansen]

if someones identify is “contradictory” or just doesnt make sense to you the easiest response is to just mind ur business and move on

#unless its something actually actively harmful like maps or something then literally who cares #also theres just no point. you can be as mean or angry and make fun of others and post on ur discourse blog as much as u want but that wont #change the fact that some ppl will always have identities or use labels that you personally cant understand #NO ONE is trying to change ur identity. for some reason the ppl i see who get mad over this always act as if theyre being held at gunpoint #to use a microlabel when in reality they just saw some ppl who describe their gender/relationships/attraction differently #and then got upset about it somehow #so much of it is just ppl going ‘but i dont get it so it Must be stupid or harmful or not real!! & anyone who says otherwise is CHRONICALLY #ONLINE!! unlike me. a very put together individual who mocks other ppl for completely innocuous things’ #txt

[wachi-delectrico]

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The matters of the heart...

#Feeling really stupid today #Idk why i let myself feel like that when i knew it wasn't reciprocated #I'm just stupid and awkward #No guy will love me ever again #I know that's hyperbolic but that's just how I feel #I just filled my head with sweet nothings without considering what they wanted or even what I wanted #I feel like it is on me though #They really showed signs of it and i knew it would happen but I just didn't want to believe it i guess #What makes me feel worse is that I'm getting all sad and upset about this when we are just friends and were never in a relationship #While i broke up an actual committed relationship of 10 years and didn't really feel all that bad about it #I guess it's the difference between breaking up with someone and being broken up on #BUT WE WEREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP SO I FEEL SO DUMB FOR FEELING LIKE THIS OR EVEN SAYING IT #that's why it's hidden in the tags :') #Reactionarily I'm like 'i should've never broken up with my boyfriend; i didn't want to be in that relationship anymore- #but at least he loved me' #Hhhhhh i don't know man i feel so stupid #I just want to feel loved and cherished and understood beyond just a friendship level kind of thing but #I just feel like it'll never happen again #Like it's so hard for me to socialize and meet new people #And I'm so fucking weird and awkward and difficult who could ever be able to handle me #AND I FEEL SO BAD ABOUT FEELING THIS WAY WE WEREN'T EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS UGHHHH #I HATE MY BRAIN #i feel like those In The Know are gonna judge me #...... There's like a 0% chance he's gonna read this but still I Hope He Doesn't Ahahahahaha #Hhhhh idk man i just want to sleep and be sad today #I feel so stupid #Honestly? This is karma for breaking up with my ex and not feeling nearly as bad as he is feeling right now #Hhhhhh I'll get over it.... #I just... Idk #I just want to be loved like a man loves another man (gay)

[kokikwii]

I need to MOVE so BADLY ashland is BAD and I HATE WISCONSIN

#max wants to move to amsterdam or colorado. i dont really care but i feel like my only option is to go back to school or something . #and it is so stressful. i hate it i hate it i hate it the future is so horrifying and i really dont know what im supposed to do!! #i dont know how different it would be if id stayed in school and maybe itd be better !! i dknt know #it feels impossible though bc i cant drive and i have no skills and no higher education and it feels like i am incapable of these things. #i love learning but i am so bad at school and ibwant to study what i love but i am so bad at academia and i want a job in these fields but #instead i am stupid. and unskilled. and annoying and need more help than i realized and cant do anything on my own #i feel myself deteriorating but i cant do anything to change it it seems. i know i can but also i feel like its so inevitable #and also i think equine stuff is just behind me now. i get really upset when i think about this but i think it is true #staying in school was probably the only way to guarantee it and now i fucked it up and dont even know if i have the ability to ride anymore #even working at a barn again might not be viable and it is all so painful and upsetting #plus one of my few friends here told me like actually yesterday that she had moved to chicago :(

[flippedorbit]

you might as well just fucking call me by name at this fucking point

#Rasp Rambles #this is exactly why i have so many fucking problems with everyone in this house. this is why i spend almost every day wanting to fucking #kill myself. this is exactly why i barely made it to fucking eighteen years of age. this is why i can’t fucking eat more than even half a #meal most days. this is why i’ve planned multiple different ways of executing my own demise. this is why i can’t be me. THE REAL ME around #anyone i’m fucking related to. every little thing i do is such a big fucking problem isn’t it mom? everything that goes wrong is just my #fucking fault isn’t it? you wanted a son when you were pregnant with me and when i came out to you at 14 you seemed really fucking upset #despite the fact that i’ve been told multiple fucking times by multiple people that you wanted a son and not a daughter. its bad enough i #get told i look like my father when i hate his fucking guts. you can’t even accept me being a boy despite it being #over FOUR FUCKING YEARS SINCE I CAME OUT. no mom its not for some stupid trend or because all my friends are doing it. #i have maybe two or three irls who are also trans. and even then they didn’t influence this. they were the ones who showed me that there #were words for how i had felt since i was about eight years old. but nothing i do is good enough for you is it mom? its not like sheltering #me for the majority of my childhood had any lasting negative effects. its not like being forced to grow up faster than i was ready to has #caused me any fucking problems. because i can 100% trust you when i tell you about how i feel and all my struggles without worrying about #you going and gossiping about it to your mom and sister and friends. not like i should be able to confide in you for anything. #suicide mention #tw suicide #apologies for all the fucking. emotional bullshit i’m going through guys. really not having a good time right now.

[fleshdyke]

ahdhaoegheiegsh

#sui and sh and ed warning for tags #it’s so insane to me how easy it is to fall back in. like it happens so so so quickly. it’s so scary #like. there’s just this very deep rooted fear in me that my friends don’t like me. it’s my biggest fear and i feel like it’s true for real #this time. like i’m so so so confident that they don’t like me anymore. more so than i’ve ever been before #and it’s just making it so fucking easy to fall back into old habits. you know. like i don’t particularly want to be anorexic to get thinner #at this point. i want to be anorexic so people will notice and worry and pay attention to me #like i feel so so so forgettable. and that’s just my worst fear bc that’s what i’ve been my entire life and i finally thought things were #different. like it’s such a stupid thing to get upset about but like when they don’t eat lunch with me or when they didn’t even bother to #look for me during the last assembly of the year and just went to sit on their own #or when we go to walk somewhere as a group and they leave me behind. like please pay attention to me please don’t make me feel like i’m as #forgettable as i am. please #like if i didn’t know better i’d kill myself to get them to notice me again. notice me more than just a smile and a nod in the halls #like sometimes i want to just stop talking and see how long it would take for them to notice. how long it would take for them to worry #like every time i feel like i’ve found someone that actually likes me and wants to be around me. they always end up getting tired of me #and i’m just always in a cycle of waiting for them to realize they hate me and being ripped apart when they do. and every time i feel this #sort of smugness or i told you so ness because they did eventually leave just like i said they would. and it’s an awful good feeling #it hurts so much but god i was right i was always right #and i think i’ve accepted that this is always going to be part of who i am. people are always going to hate me no matter how much i try #no matter what i change to make them stay they’re always going to leave. i just wasn’t built for forever i guess. i long for someone to stay #so so so bad but i think i’m just always going to be broken like this. i’m always going to be lonely and there’s nothing i can do about that #and i want to be hospitalized i want to almost die from something self inflicted because at this point it feels like that’s the only way i’m #ever going to get anyone to care. i don’t want to die but i want to get somewhere close to it #idk. i want to bleed out or collapse from malnutrition or be found after an attempt bc hurting is so much easier when you have a reason to #rambles #vent

[lovebugism]

King Steve being a dick to shy!reader until he found out she was the one who left a note in his locker and not nancy 🥰

he's less of a dick and more of a dumbass in this but i hope you like it :D — when steve thinks nancy's left a note in his locker, he starts pulling away from you (shy!fem!r, hurt/comfort ish but mostly fluff, 0.8k)

You’re not surprised to find Steve in the old chemistry classroom, half-abandoned in the west wing of the school — the two of you often seek sanctuary there, away from the vultures of Hawkins High. No, what’s strange is the note he holds between his hands. And the way he tries to hide it when he sees you.

He shoves the paper into the back pocket of his jeans and rises from the desk he sits on. It screeches and slides slightly back in his fumbling state. He tries to hide his panic with a lopsided grin but wears all the alarm in his eyes.

“Hey, babe…” he wavers.

The door clicks shut behind you. Instead of greeting him with a kiss and a warm embrace, you cross your arms over your chest and cock your hip gently to the side. The softness he’s grown so used to has suddenly hardened. 

“What are you doing?” you wonder plainly.

He stammers. “Uh… Skipping calculus?”

“No, I mean, why are you avoiding me?”

“Avoiding you?” Steve scoffs, forcing out a breathy laugh. He stumbles over himself with words and gestures wildly with his hands. “Why would I— I have no reason to— I’m not avoiding you, okay? That’s crazy.”

His deflecting isn’t reassuring. 

A weird, uncomfy feeling pangs in your chest.

“You’ve been acting weird for three days, Steve. I have to practically hunt you down to find you— and when I do, you act like you don’t even wanna talk to me.”

The pained look scrunching your features makes his stomach ache. He averts his gaze and shrugs. “That’s not true, you know that—”

“You won’t even look at me now,” you murmur, eyes glassy and stinging with distant tears. His gaze darts back up to meet yours again. You shrink inside yourself and shift your weight on your feet. “Do you… Do you wanna break up with me or something? Is that it?”

Steve’s face swirls with confusion, pained and panicked. “What? No!” he exclaims, voice ringing across the quiet lab. “Of course I don’t! Why would you— Why would you even say that?”

“Then what happened?” you agonize. “What’d I do?”

He rushes across the room and gathers your worrying form in his palms, fingers wide and warm on the outsides of your elbows. He ducks his head down so he’s more level with your tinier frame. His features furrow with anguish. “Nothing! You didn’t do anything, okay? I swear. It’s just this— It’s this stupid fucking note.”

Your brows pinch. “What?”

He drops his hand and reaches for the neglected paper in his pocket. The thing is folded four different times and slightly crumpled with how much he’s handled it. He waves it wildly in his hand. “Nancy left me this in my locker a couple days ago, and it just totally freaked me out, you know? I… I don’t know.”

He passes it off to you like he’s been dying to get rid of it.

You unfold the note. The sound of rumpling paper is much louder in the quiet. Steve watches you read it with a pained look on his face — doe eyes flitting across the familiar words and more familiar handwriting. 

Familiar ‘cause you wrote it.

It takes everything in you to bite back the smile pulling at your lips.

“Oh…” you hum instead.

“I didn’t meet her!” Steve blurts. “I swear, I just… I didn’t know how to tell you about it ‘cause I didn’t wanna upset you, you know? And I just kept freaking myself out, and I’m… I’m sorry.” The words catch in his closing throat. He swallows hard and takes a breath. “I don’t like Nancy anymore, okay? I like you. I love you.”

“So you didn’t… You didn’t meet her there?” you wonder aloud despite knowing the answer, waving the paper in your hand. Meet me in the bathroom, it reads, sloppier than your usual cursive because you wrote it against his locker.

“No!”

“Okay. I believe you,” you nod, smiling when he drops his chin to his chest and sighs in relief. “…Wanna know how I know?”

He glances up at you then, peeking at you beneath his lashes. His honey eyes sparkle in a silent answer.

“‘Cause I left you the note,” you confess, scrunching the bridge of your nose. “And I waited for you for half an hour.”

Steve gapes, equal parts confused and embarrassed. “…Oh.”

“Oh,” you parrot with a quiet laugh.

He stammers. “I’m— I— We just… Me and Nancy used to meet there all the time during free period. I guess I just… I thought that—”

“That she came crawling back?” you finish with a teasing glint in your eyes. “Because no one can resist King Steve?”

He meets your mischievous look with a shier smile. “It’s not that,” he mutters.

“I know,” you promise with a gentle sigh. “I’m just teasing.”

You lean further into him, both of you less anxious now than a minute or more ago. Your palms smooth over his chest while his arms curl around your back. “I feel like a total idiot,” he admits with a sheepish chuckle.

“‘Cause you are one,” you quip, sparkling with all the adoration you have for him. “And I love you.”

#published by bug #steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things imagine #steve harrington imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #st drabbles #stevie drabble

[snoopyearss]

smut! | mdni

Possessive!Gojo who will walk up to anyone who is talking to you (doesn’t matter the gender) and make it known you two are together. He’d wrap his arm around your shoulder and ask you “so who’s your friend?”

Possessive!Gojo who embarrasses you in front of the person you’re talking to. He would make up some stupid lie and drive the person away. Just imagine you’re at some bookstore with him and a guy walks up to you. Gojo hears the man’s voice and then he hears yours giggling, and suddenly he’s booking it to where you are. As soon as he sees you chatting with the other male, he walks up to you as if he just randomly bumped into you. 

“Hey! How are you? It’s so nice to see you! How is that rash you were telling me about? Did it clear up? I heard it was contagious, you might wanna be careful.” Or something like that, and the man talking to you would get grossed out and walk away. You turned to him and lightly slapped his arm. “Was that really necessary?” You huffed. “Very necessary.” He would answer and give you a big sloppy kiss on your cheek.

Possessive!Gojo who would text you “damn so which position are you both in right now” if you’re taking too long to respond to his text messages. “Which round are yall on?” He would text. “Satoru, I’m in the shower??” You text back. And you roll your eyes at what he texts in response. “Send proof?”

Possessive!Gojo would leave hickeys on your neck and do unnecessary amounts of PDA when he’s around your friends or in public in general. You guys would walk up to your friends and they first notice that fat bruise on your neck. “Geez Satoru, give her a break once ina  while.” Suguru would joke. Gojo would place you on his lap when all of you would go out for drinks. Kissing on your neck then migrating up to your jaw and your earlobe, whispering sultry things in your ear and you giggling in response. “Ugh, Satoru enough! Get a room you two.” Shoko would whine.

Possessive!Gojo who pounds into you in the club bathroom after spotting you dancing on another man while he and Suguru are talking. Everything Suguru said was going in one ear and out the other as he watched you swivel your hips and look back at him. He knew about your little game. He knew you liked to tease him, get him a little upset so he can fuck you later. Gojo would stand up from where he was sitting and walk directly to you, taking your arm and making his way to the bathroom. And this is where we are now,

“O-Oh, F-fuck! ‘Toru- shit!” You can barely let out a proper moan, it was getting cut off by how hard he was fucking into you. Your knuckles turning a different color with how hard you were gripping the sink. You were facing the sink, eyes tightly shut as you took every stroke he gave you. “Dirty girl, you wanted me to -fuck- catch you dancing on him so I can take you back here, d-didn’t you?” His resolve was slipping, you were so tight around him and it was driving him insane. 

He pulled you by your hair and lifted your head up to face the mirror, “Look at yourself baby, look at how good im fucking into you. You like this? You like getting bent over the sink? Our friends are probably wondering where we went. You’re lucky the music is loud enough so they won’t hear you.” Your eyes began to roll back at the words dripping from his mouth. “Oh my f-fucking- g-go- ‘Toru! I-I can’t! I’m gonna-” Babbling nonsense while telling him you were so close. His pace would change to a more rough pace, the way you like it while rubbing all sensitive areas on your body and get close to your ear to talk you through it. 

Possessive!Gojo who cums deep inside you and takes your panties so people can see it drip down your leg. He must let everyone know you’re his.

#jjk #jjk x reader #jjk smut #jjk gojo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen #gojou satoru x reader #snoopyearss

[bettsfic]

today is my birthday! i’m 33 today and i have done an ungodly amount of stupid shit in my life that honestly probably should have gotten me killed. so here are 33 hard-won things i’ve learned that i wish someone had told me sooner.

whenever you buy an object, you are going to own that object for your entire life unless you make the conscious decision to throw it away or give it a new home. maybe other people don’t struggle with this as much as i do, but i’ve grown to become a little exhausted by finding a thing and realizing i don’t want it anymore, but i don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything with it. signed, a woman with a packed 10x10 storage unit who is now extremely hesitant to buy new things.

food, and by that i mean good food (and by that i don’t necessarily mean healthy food, but food of good quality that you love), is necessary to live, and buying it, preparing it, and eating it is not a chore. the sooner you accept this and make food a priority in your life, the healthier you’ll be. 

speaking of food, not everything you buy should be the cheapest version of it. personally i’ve found it’s always worth it to splurge on good olive oil, butter, and canned tomatoes. for years i thought i was an awful cook because i was cooking with cheap, disgusting olive oil that made my food taste like shit.

speaking of food part 2, i can’t BELIEVE how long this took me to figure out, but mise en place is the real real. get your shit out and organized and prepped *before* you start cooking, even if it makes things take longer. and yes, it is always worth it to do the dishes as you go, which pisses me off.

when i was teaching myself how to cook and feeling daunted about it, the best advice i ever got was to aim to learn 15 recipes and then put them in rotation.

this is the most horrific and awful truth i have forced myself to accept: there may come a day you can no longer digest your favorite foods, and you will either have to stop eating them, or remain very close to a toilet. i’m sorry.

other people are always going to misperceive you and misunderstand you, sometimes willfully. other people’s opinions of you don’t actually have anything to do with you. they’re not your business, and you don’t have to worry about it or change yourself.

when innocuous or neutral things make you irrationally angry or upset, step back, realize you’re having a big reaction, and then when you’re ready, pay very close attention to the thing that upset you, because you’re about to learn something important about yourself.

a pill sorter can save your life. i don’t know how i managed my meds without one.

sometimes college is about learning stuff, and not about becoming something.

no matter how many perfectionist tendencies you have, it’s worth it to remind yourself that no matter how much of a mess you actually are, you deserve to be loved.

if you’re always forgetting to do important but tedious things, set an alarm and set aside one hour of each week, not to do the important tedious things, but to assess what needs to be done, and *schedule* the important tedious things for the following week. this literally changed my life.

during that hour, make a meal plan too. the point of doing this is condense the time in which you’re making decisions (what to do, what to eat, etc) so you don’t have to burden yourself with them throughout the week. decision fatigue is real. any way you can alleviate that is a good thing.

learn the difference between aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive behavior. recognize when you’re being one of the first three, re-assess and aim for being assertive, even if it’s hard.

you can tell you’ve processed trauma, not when the traumatic thing stops upsetting you to think about, but when the traumatic thing takes up the same size in your brain as all your other memories.

if you’re one of those people who never seems to finish projects or follow through with things, there’s a chance you may just grow out of it naturally. until then, follow your interests and don’t feel bad about putting down a hobby to pick up another.

if you love stickers but have sticker anxiety, buy vinyl stickers. you can re-stick them.

there are only a few careers i can think of that you have to commit to early in life because getting the undergraduate credentials is a pain in the ass (teachers, doctors, and engineers, from my research). nearly everything else you can switch to later, which takes a LOT of pressure off having to figure out what you want to do with your life.

people say there’s no money in becoming an artist, writer, musician, etc. actually there’s a ton of money in all of those things, it’s just in the stuff other people want you to make and never what you want to make. it’s still worth it to develop the creative skill and not force yourself into business school because it’s more “practical” or whatever. 

sleep when you’re tired. SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE TIRED. don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t be tired or that you’ve already slept too much, just take a fucking nap. you would never say “hm i’ve already had enough water today, therefore i should not be thirsty” so don’t treat sleep the same way.

when you build a piece of furniture from target or ikea or whatever, the first thing you should do is count all the little screws and things to make sure everything’s there that should be. it sucks to get halfway into putting something together only to find there’s a piece missing and you have to go buy it.

learn to travel by yourself, go out to eat by yourself, see a movie by yourself. in my early 20s i was scared to do these things, but i do them so often now i don’t even think about it. it’s the most fulfilling skill i’ve ever learned.

adding to the above, if you’re a people-pleaser, being alone is especially important, because you’ve probably developed the habit of making the people you’re with more comfortable and happy than yourself, and you’re missing a lot of the beautiful and interesting things around you. when you’re by yourself, you can focus on what *you* want without guilt. 

sometimes you’ll want to break things off with a friend for reasons that are no one’s fault, and you don’t want it to be volatile or make a big thing of it, in which case the goal is to simply fade out of their life. it is okay to let people go.

shame is useless. get rid of it.

no matter how much of yourself you put into your art (or writing, or music, or whatever), when people criticize it, they are not criticizing you. they are having a reaction colored by their own tastes and perspectives. their opinion of your work has nothing to do with you. you don’t have to take everyone’s feedback. in fact you don’t have to take anyone’s feedback. the other side to this coin unfortunately is that compliments don’t have anything to do with you either. it’s good to accept this because it means you’ll stop seeking validation from other people and won’t let anyone else’s perspectives impact your work. anything nice anyone says about your work is merely a bonus to an already good thing.

if you’re an artist of any kind, take one day a year to look up opportunities like grants, funding, residencies, workshops, whatever. put the due dates of all of them on a calendar for the year following and get into the habit of applying for stuff. getting rejected sucks, application fees suck, but in all the years i’ve been doing this, it has always, always been worth it. these things give you a chance not only to help fund and support what you’re passionate about, but they force you to take your own work seriously, and that is something that’s absolutely necessary in order to be successful.

you must become your own greatest advocate. in all respects--in health, in love, in happiness, in freedom, you must. no one will ever fight as hard for you as you will. this in turn will give you the strength and motivation to help others fight for themselves too. the only way the world will ever get better is if every person on this planet learns to see themselves as equals to everyone around them.

brag about yourself as often as you can. for one, people develop their perceptions of you based on how you treat yourself and speak about yourself. but for two, it’s the fastest way to figure out which people to keep in your life, because they’re the ones who are going “oh hell yeah, you’re awesome.” 

be the person other people want to brag to.

at some point in your life, someone is going to hurt you, and it’s going to be willful and intentional. it is not worth it to waste brain space figuring out why they did it or why you think you deserved it. all you have to do is let yourself feel that pain, acknowledge it, and try to move on.

no matter how bad off you think you are, recovery is possible. the first and hardest step is to learn you’re worth the time and effort it takes to recover from the awful things that have happened to you.

developing an expertise does not mean you’re getting objectively better at something. becoming an expert is only the process of seeing your mistakes and having the patience to sit in the discomfort of not knowing how to fix them.    

#writing advice