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achenetype · 2 months

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content warning: graphic violence, drug and alcohol use, slight dubcon if you squint, death, a lot of death actually, vomiting, eating disorders, riko-typical abuse, riko is his own warning, the ravens kind of all love and fuck each other because who else will, self-harm mentions, explicit sex, thoughts of suicide, the riko/reader/kevin situationship is so intense (here's the playlist, btw) , graphic descriptions of injury/surgery, ravens-typical cult/grooming behavior

thinking about the ravens again. this team of athletes bred to be the best of the best, the bloodiest of the bloodiest. the fierce competition for the top spots (and by extension proximity to riko). i know parties in the nest go fucking CRAZY, like i know there’s someone on the team who always has drugs or alcohol and sometimes this well oiled machine of a team likes to lose its shit.

imagining being a walk-on, freshman year. you’d committed to edgar allan university for their pre-medical program, been offered the best scholarship offer of your life, and in your first biology class this boy with sharp cheekbones and a sharper tongue sits down next to you. he asks you for a pencil, which you give him, and he introduces himself as riko moriyama. over the next few weeks, riko convinces you to come to tryouts for the school’s exy team, and because you’re a little starstruck at the thought that riko fucking moriyama wants you anywhere, you agree.

you hadn’t played exy since your sophomore year of high school, but you’re strong. you can run fast. you’re not afraid to fight dirty. the ravens sign you only minutes after you bruise your knuckles punching the mouth guard out of another freshman’s teeth. you hadn’t even gotten settled into your dorm, so moving out and moving into the nest was no big deal.

riko wants every raven to know every other raven, wants to have a network of sleeper cells through the whole school. your team has players from every major, every background. rich kids, poor kids, every ethnicity you could think of. the ravens are all-encompassing. they’re family. they’re everything. you get paired with someone, a sophomore with an easy smile and skin just a shade darker than yours, and you feel amazing for the first time since leaving your hometown.

the first party happens after you win a match against a school from new york city. it’s in the basement of the nest, this long, catacomb-like chamber that the ravens have turned into their own personal den of sin. you barely register a drink being shoved into your hand before your pair partner is dragging you through a sea of people in black and red to a small table in a back corner. he gestures to the powder cut into neat lines on a silver tray, squeezing your hand, and murmurs, “go on.”

the coke burns your nose like you’d inhaled water, but sharper. worse. from across the table, riko grins at you. his hair hangs messily around his face, loose and curly, and you want to lean into his sparkling space and kiss him, but his partner is right there, their arms linked together and his head resting on riko’s shoulder, and the hivemind has been doing its job—everyone knows that riko and kevin are a thing, are exclusive. you don’t stand a chance, especially not as a freshie walk-on.

your partner claps you on the shoulder and whoops. the music is loud enough to drown out what he says, but something shifts in the air. you’re one of them now. one of us. you drink until your vision goes fuzzy and the pounding of your head matches the bass of the music.

you wake up for practice feeling like shit. it shows.

you’re sloppy, aching and hungover, hungry and tired. it’s unacceptable. really, you deserve it when riko slaps you across the face in the middle of the court and sends you back to your dorm. you deserve it when you open the door and see him standing there, see the knife in his hand. you deserve whatever he carves into your back, even though it feels like he’s peeling your skin off. maybe he is. you’d let him do it anyway, would beg for his fingertips to unsheathe you from the body you spent so long trying to hate and hurt and perfect into something unattainable.

you throw up for the first time in months that night. it becomes a habit. eating in the nest is something that one has to dance around carefully. the running joke is that there are two types of ravens: the anorexics, and the bulimics. starve or puke. the result is the same: lean, hollow things that break when you throw them at each other. riko invites you to smoke with him and kevin and jean, the french boy with silver bands around his neat rows of locs, and you pass a pack of american spirit cigarettes between the four of you until you’re dizzy and nic-sick.

you think kevin doesn’t like you that much.

you think it until he drags you into the showers one day after practice and kisses you, mean, like he’s got something to prove and you��re the only person he cares about proving it to. you should have known something wasn’t right, because the press of riko’s body behind you makes you jump out of your skin. he’s got one hand on your neck, turning you to kiss him while kevin mouths at your jaw and collarbones, and one hand under the sleeve of your jersey, tracing over the uniform lines that cover your arm.

he asks you what you use. “box cutter,” you say breathlessly. “i take apart razors or pencil sharpeners when it’s not sharp enough.” you’re not sure why you tell him so easily, or why kevin drops to his knees and licks a stripe up your forearm, his tongue rolling over both your scars and riko’s fingers.

the second party happens a day later. it’s not technically a raven party—it’s a sigma pi frat party, but every sigma pi brother is also a raven, so it’s basically the same thing. you get tipsy, hit a few people’s weed.

you can’t remember when the last time you saw your pair partner was. god, you must be drunk. he was in your room….not today, not yesterday. maybe a few days ago. a week. before practice.

you realize that he didn’t come back with you in the same moment that you realize you’re going to puke.

in the bathroom, you lay on the cold tile and think about what else you’d forgotten, or just been told not to notice. you knew you weren’t the only member of the team to get beaten after a bad play. you remember rubbing ice over jean’s bruises, watching victoria swallow a small white pill dry after meeting riko for a debrief.

you wonder how many layers of makeup are hiding bruises in this house. you think you’d kill yourself if you had to count. you think you might kill yourself anyway.

(no, you won’t. you have no reason to. you’re untouchable. you have good grades. you have family. you have the ravens. you wouldn’t throw that away by cutting too deep or emptying your drug stash into your mouth.)

someone decides to play spin the bottle and kevin’s hand closes around your wrist, drags you into the circle with him and riko and jean, and a junior whose name is something with an m, manuel or martin or mickey. a few other people take spots—victoria, a freshman like you, but she was recruited from a private school in connecticut—alexei, a sophomore backliner whose english was about as good as his passes—a pair of seniors who give you an up-and-down glance as they sit.

you can feel their eyes resting on kevin’s hand clasped around your arm, jean’s shoulder brushing yours. they could burn a hole through you and into the ground with how hard they stare when riko taps your thigh, signaling you to spin the empty wine bottle first.

it lands on jean and the two of you swap spit for around five seconds before he pulls away. you smile at him. he doesn’t return it. something dark and sick curls up in your chest. you think you might puke again, or at least cough up whatever rot has taken root inside of you.

jean spins, kisses victoria, and retreats to find another drink. victoria makes out with alexei for what seems like a frankly embarrassing amount of time. alexei spins, tripping over his words as he does so, and ends up drooling into manuel’s mouth.

manuel’s spin lands on kevin, who accepts a kiss on the cheek before nudging the bottle with his foot so that it points at riko.

watching the two of them feels like watching a pair of animals try to eat each other alive. kevin swings one leg over riko’s lap and riko very unsubtly rolls his hips, leaning in to kiss kevin fast and sharp and hungry.

you’re so hungry. the alcohol swaying like liquid nitrogen in your stomach has done nothing to make you feel full, make you feel satisfied. you just feel empty and sick.

it gets worse when kevin snakes one hand up to yank riko’s hair, moving from kissing his mouth to sucking bruises into his exposed neck. riko tips his head back and laughs. as kevin matches riko’s rhythm, riko reaches around and spins the bottle, one decisive movement

the neck of it points to you. you feel your face heat up. riko inclines his head towards you in silent invitation.

this is a test, you think through the buzz of weed and alcohol.

you take a deep breath and turn to your left, and riko’s lips against yours feel like lightning. you can feel kevin still mouthing at riko’s neck next to you, the movement of his hips stuttering as riko thumbs over your cheek and lets his tongue slide against yours. “cmere,” he murmurs. “stop holding back.”

you’re not sure what makes you bold enough to catch his lip between your teeth and bite, but the little gasp that comes from riko is indication that you’ve done something right. you kiss him deeper, messier, spit slicking both of your mouths before pulling away.

there’s blood dripping from riko’s lips and you’re satisfied in a sick, wobbling way. kevin separates his face from the crook of riko’s neck to stare at you.

silent invitation. silent test. everything the ravens do is unspoken. you’d think the entire team had some kind of telepathy.

you end up pressed between them. you’re dizzy—the world sways in time with riko’s hand on your thigh, kevin’s mouth between his legs. everything slows to a crystallizing point. riko laughs as he guides you and kevin together, watching the two of you kiss, watching the desperate movement of the two of you against each other.

riko laughs and it sounds like bells. riko laughs and everything is perfect. the bass of whatever song is playing is pounding in your ears, muffled by the door that you're not sure if anyone locked.

when you wake up the next morning, you feel dead. you wish you were when you roll over and see kevin and riko in bed next to you, fitting together like perfect puzzle pieces.

you decide to go for a run before your morning practice, tugging on your shoes and jacket quietly so that neither of them wake up. your feet thud against the pavement as you turn around one corner of the school.

your legs burn. the hickeys on your thighs and chest burn with them, dull flickers of pain that remind you with every breath of riko’s mouth and kevin’s hands.

you’re early to practice that day. and the day after that. you climb the ranks, taking #10 and then #8 and finally, finally, settling on #6. you're second-string, which means you get to play almost every game because red cards are beautiful and impermanent and fold in half like the hinge of a door opening. you are real. you are exactly where you are meant to be.

winter break comes and the ravens are taking a team trip to the southern exy banquet. raise morale, get closer. all that. you lie to your parents and say you’re road tripping with your friends, which isn’t technically false, but it’s not true either. you fall asleep on the bus, your head resting on kevin’s shoulder.

it’s the safest you feel for a long time.

"team trip" turns out to be a rather misleading way to say "working our athletes until they pass out or die." you scream the first time someone collapses during sprints. you cover your mouth with your hand when a forty-pound weight caves in someone's chest and you can see the splinters of their ribs. as a pre-medical student, you end up treating those who survive.

by the time kevin comes to you, shaking and mute with his hand cradled close to his chest, you don't flinch. you memorize the position of the bones: carpals, metacarpals, phalanges. you memorize the look on kevin's face when you walk him to the hotel room of another team's coach after rearranging the bones and tendons of his hand to make the damage look half unintentional.

you memorize the lie riko tells you to tell everyone else. skiing accident. too fast. accident. accident. not on purpose. accident, meaning no one's fault, meaning avoidable, meaning, meaning, meaning.

(when kevin is gone and the rest of the team is on the bus back to west virginia, riko tells you the truth. he tells you between kisses that he didn't ask for but you give anyways. he tells you if you breathe a word i'll fucking kill you in low, guttural japanese, the language you'd been learning to talk only to him and kevin.

you nod, and quietly tell him nani mo iimasen. you won't say a thing.)

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s1l4s-l1k3s-t0m4t03s · 20 days

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TW V3NT, ABVS3, GRAP3

you ever been in a 10 months abvs1v3 relat1ionship when the guy was 5 yrs older (you where 12) and then 5 months in he moves away so its long distance and for a month you go into ana recovery and when he came back he r worded you more than twice a day and got his friends to do it to you on camera because you had ga¡n3d w3¡ght so you st0pped 3at1ng anymore and now you feel like your nothing other than your afab body and that there is no way you are l0vabl3 anymore and he used you as a pvnch1ng bag esp when you ever ate so now your only reaction to eating "too much" is to r3l4ps3 and consider s3wersl1de?? yeah haha not me neverrr

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king--of--ducks · 3 months

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I am Lucifer Morningstar, King of Hell, sin of Pride!

🍎I am Lucifer Morningstar, but you can call me Luci’ or even Apple Daddy if you wish~🍎

🍎I have a daughter named Charlotte, but everyone calls her Charlie. And if anyone hurts her, well, I’ll fucking wipe them out. This is my game, I’m the ref!🍎

🍎Charlie has informed me that I, apparently, have fans on the internet? And I figured if there are people who love me out there, might as well talk to them! Take that depression!🍎

🍎No spamming walls of text/emojis in my ask!🍎

OOC:I have no association with Vivziepop or her characters, this is just an obsessed fan being bored and goofing off. Things will most likely be out of character at times, I’m just kinda having fun with this.

I also decided to edit my pinned post to add this bit. This blog has been covering sensitive topics lately such as sh, ed, sui, and more. If you are not comfortable with this, I try to tag the posts to the best of my feeble minded capabilities, but that is content you can find here, so be warned.

I have a Discord server

Oh wow, it’s lore!

The Morning(star)

The Scars of an Angel

A Brush with Death

The Blue-Gem series

The Blue-Gem series(2)

The Blue-Gem series(3)

The Blue-Gem series(4)

The Blue-Gem series(5)

Mod—

@sockmanduckman

Circle of role players—

Same mod—

@moxxies-wife—Blitzø’s employee #1

@mammon-money-maker—Nuisance

@wally-wackfords-wacky-blog—Blitzø’s old chum

Family—

@charlie-morningstar666–My beautiful little girl!

@the-moth-ex-angel—Soon to be daughter in law!

@alyxdefoisnthere—Bad sleep schedule daughter.

@damian-morningstar—Son

@headlessdeaddancer—My (step-)son!

@mcalastor—fiancé Freaky ass bitch.

@god-the-lord—My father has Tumblr?!?!

@bigdoginthesky—Another dad

@theholymessenger—Gabriel

@theholyhealer—Raphael

@michael-the-morningstar—Michael

@heavenly--knight—Another Michael?!?!

@ask-the-archs—2 for 1

@featheryhoe—King of Lust

Other��

@blitztheoissilent—Blitzø (formerly @blitz-horsie-enthusiast and @blitz-the-o-is-silent)

@logical-imp—Blitzø’s employee #2

@ducky-loyal-servant-of-lucifer—Ducky :D

@xxsmilingdeerxx—Freak

@radio-demon-on-the-air—Freak *2

@fizzythefrog—Blitzø’s bestie

@featheryhoe—Ozzy!

@blue-gem-overlord—Ripoff Lapis

@heavens-gatekeeper—Petah!!!!

@king-mammon—Another Mammon

@the-original-dickmaster—My best friend

@the-exterminator—Adam’s petty ex

@lute-head-exterminator—Adam’s petty ex*2

@bad-boy-lover—Niffty

@nifftyhasaknife—Niffty*2

@penguinmaster9999—T and pals

@deadbeatbartender—Husker

@sober-husker—Husker*2

#hazbin #hazbin hotel #lucifer #lucifer hazbin #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer magne #hazbin lucifer #roleplay #hazbin roleplay #hazbin hotel roleplay #hazbin ask blog

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rockbottomwithashovel · 2 years

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Hi, I go by Rock <3

I'm she/her, or fae/faer

I'm bisexual and 20

I have depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts/actions, anorexia, sleep problems, ASD, PTSD, BPD, ADHD and probably more idk or can't think of. I self harm, struggled with alcohol for a while, and have been abused in most ways and talk about it in this blog. I try to put trigger warning tags and put things under the cut so people don't get triggered.

I DO NOT ENCOURAGE ED OR SH EVEN THOUGH I POST ABOUT IT!!!! I'm struggling but don't want anyone else to, so if this triggers you, please block me. Please block, don't report, this safe space is the single thread I hold on by and if I'm termed I'll just come back (but mentally worse lol)

Here is a link to nutrition notes

Tags:

self harm -> tw sh, cvts,

suicide -> tw sui, tw suicide, maybe I'm better off dead

sexual assault -> tw sa

calories and weight -> tw numbers

my own posts -> rock rambles

thinspo -> tw boney (I don't post or reblog anymore)

No terfs, homophobes, sexists, racist, ableist... Basically if you discriminate, piss off. My blog ain't for you.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here for basically any and everything. Don't let silence take you down, you are not alone.

I have an account, @whatwewishwesaidandothersecrets where you can go on anon and vent about anything and everything and let out the secrets that burden you on anon, I won't judge. I also have a recovery account called @rockbottomwithaladder <333

#rock rambles #intro

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confessionblog · 2 days

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CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING MASTERLIST

Suicide Tags

cw sui ideation

tw sui ideation

cw sui mention

tw sui mention

Self Harm Tags

cw sh

tw sh

cw sh mention

tw sh mention

Eating Disorder Tags

tw ed

cw ed

cw possible ed trigger

tw possible ed trigger

Phobia Tags

cw/tw emetophobia

Misc Tags

death mention

mental breakdown mention

toxic relationship

family trauma

religious trauma

If any of you have any additions or suggestions, please drop them in my ask box!

#button speaks #not a confession #masterlist

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chronic-invisibility · 2 years

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Please Read!

Hi, my name is Drew, I’m 25 years old and I don’t want minors to interact with my blog, please. I will block you if you are under 18 or don’t have your age in your bio. Please understand this is a boundary I am setting for your safety and comfort and mine. It’s not personal.

I used to use this blog as a mental health vent blog, but I have other things I like and want to post about and trying to use separate blogs entirely is complicated. So I’m going to make this my main and have sideblogs for my various specific topics. That being said, this blog is still going to have a trigger warning for ed, sh, sui, SA, poor mental health in general. I do my best to tag things appropriately, including specific trigger warnings, but if you need me to tag something specific let me know and I’ll do my best! I can’t promise I’ll remember every single tag I try to maintain on here, but I do try.

My MCR blog is @youmustfixyourheart

My mental health vent blog is @imtheworst-imsorry

My (mostly inactive) Moon Knight blog is @lunarcavalier

I recently went back to school to finish my bachelor’s degree, I am majoring in Museum Studies and my fondest wish is to work at the living history museum my family has visited since before I was born. I recently left my stressful and terrible job as a pharmacy technician, currently I'm focusing on being in school full time and I’m lucky enough to live with my family so I don’t have a ton of bills rn. I like knitting and crocheting, reading, writing (currently actually working on a fic for the first time in ages), art (making and consuming, but I haven’t made much art in a long time), swimming (even though I rarely get the chance), and being with my dog, Henry. I was late-diagnosed as Autistic and ADHD when I was 23, and I have a bunch of other mental health issues, too. I’ve experienced a LOT of mistreatment, misunderstanding, and sometimes outright abuse from my peers (and some adults) growing up and even into my early adult years (not that I’m not still a young adult, but like, 18-21 were not great years for me) in part because of my neurodivergence, and as a result I have a lot of trust issues and anger and sadness and trauma that I’m trying to work through.

My main Special Interests are: mermaids, the living history museum I mentioned (and museums in general), My Chemical Romance, music, theater, and art.

Some of my current hyperfixations include: MCR, Heartstopper, and learning crochet.

My DNI list is kinda long, and most of it’s common sense, but if you fall into any of these categories, don’t follow my blog or interact with me and also please fall into the sun and die.

DNI:

Minors

LGBTQIA+phobes/exclusionists

Antisemites

Racists

TERFS/SWERFS

Ableists

Fakeclaimers of any kind

Anti-abortion

Anti-vaxxers/COVID deniers

“All Lives Matter/Blue Lives Matter” people/pro cop/pro military industrial complex

Blackpink stans

JKR supporters

Tr*mp supporters

Kanye supporters

Sia supporters

Dave Chappelle supporters

————————————————————————

I might keep updating this post as my life changes, or if I think of anything new, but hopefully this is a good intro of who I am and what this blog will contain.

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